#im venting again oops
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well rip to 3 of my sevika drawings now as well 😒
#(i deleted them myself)#i really shouldn’t still be as upset as i am#actually at this point i’m not even upset i’m just fucking angry#love that#couldn’t bare to look at them anymore#im venting again oops#anyways#rip to those drawings 🥲#they had a good run 😔
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Ive just progressively wanted to exist less and less and less in front of others for like years now and on my worst days it really gets to me
#kae.txt#i wish i was smaller in every sense of the word i dont want to be thought of#i cried to my mom and she had to leave the house and the way she said she'd be back sounded like she was really worried id do something and#i hate that i hate it so much i never wanna make her feel like that but i just cant help it im really tired#i hate even venting about it here cause god forbid i get a message about someone worrying about me#makes me feel fucking awful#sorry i started thinking again oops#ill be over it by tomorrow though thats always how this happens
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QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
#my brain treats these things the same as it does spamton. almost. i want to see them dead i want to chew on them. i want to kiss them gentl#y and tuck them in bed and sign up adoption papers for them. i want to hit them with a baseball bat. i will take a bullet for them#yknow?#you get me.#again an experimental fun quick drawing#that i ended up ... popping off on. oops.#i have... 0 self control in art#fun fact originally this was gonna be a painting but i went hmm what if i do the thing#ive been doing with sketch lineart on paper but... digitally? angular and sketchy and sharper#aw yea#guz art#toontown corporate clash#low baller#also i had to post this on clashcord and bail instantly because the second i see angst for stuff i like that i havent made myself#i lowkey start breaking down oops#i dont do well with other fans of things that im not familiar with.... my brain works in mysterious ways !#i say this as my next drawing i plan is literally oc angst ... oops !#something i aint done in a while....i only ever do vent stuff i never post if anything. i try not to be like.... venty edgy like that it#just. aint for me. well i say while i ramble on and vent constantly. oops. but yknow what i mean - not let my art reflect that? be goofy#with the stuff i do? but like yeah either way. lore gettin angsty. have we gotten to the point in our lore / rp yet? no. is it kinda an#inescapeable point? yes. i loooooove making my characters suffer the consequences of their actions#WHY AM I TALKING SO ELABORATELY ABOUT THIS. THIS IS A LOW BALLER DRAWING.#BY TALOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BRAIN!! OH WELL if you like these. thanks for reading you are swag. you probably went thru#like. 5465465341564 thomas 'fights' now havent you#oh well gotta have a place to dump my thoughts somewhere!
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Mato is so good. He's simply the sweetest.
A tiny bug walks into his house, uninvited, offers to teach it his Nail Art and as soon as they're done he's like "I consider you my own child." and he genuinely felt honour to be able to teach it.
And every time Ghost visit him after that he considers it an honour to be able to meditate with it.
He's so genuinely happy to see little Ghost, even if it never speaks or even shows that it reciprocates his love.
#hollow knight#nailmaster mato#i love mato sm#im so emotional rn sorry#im feeling a little disappointed by own parents rn and just being able to go and sit next to him whenever i want to is so important to me#vented in tumblr tags again oops#might delete those later if im too embarassed
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vent tw
top things you shouldn't say to your child after they've had a 1h-long meltdown: "now [after this] the only thing i wanna do is to jump out the window"
good job mom. good job indeed.
#im so angry#im tryna avoid crying again because we're heading to a family gathering so i gotta be the nice happy little girl#the same family gathering that caused the meltdown in the first place. oops.#i hate it here#counting the seconds till i turn 18 and get The Fuck out of this place#vent post#vent#tw vent#suicide tw
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nothing like a call from your mother to make that escapism feel extra sweet
#oops vent post Look Away Look Away i am once again bleeding all over my blog#ohhhhh boy am i gonna get Creatively Active tonight#we love to see my living situation crash and burn oh boy oh boy#i get three more months and then!!! back into the fire i go!#and the frying pan was just starting to get cozy....#well! time to brush up on my masking and acting skills#absolutely unprompted#yknow it was actually funny#i went on a walk right after that call#and it felt like i was in a fucking movie. symbolism was ever#literally stood and stared at the 'no connection' street sign for a solid two minutes#feeling the Irony#then a black cat stopped and stared at me from down the road?#and a hummingbird flew over to look me in the eye??#walked under an apple tree but every single apple was rotting???#a fly decided to land on me for a split second and then flew away? felt Ominous#didnt see a raven though so thats a plus. or a minus. im not superstitious and i love ravens#plus side of being forced to move: i get to keep both of my cats and ill no longer be in this damn state.#negatives: living with my mom. her boyfriend. two dogs. in a state i strongly dislike. with no positive connections. in a basement.#its gonna be so fun! (sarcastic. lying. said through gritted teeth)#agh sorry sorry#once again treating tumblr like my personal diary#just. sigh.#well if i get a job right away and save up#maybe ill be able to find somewhere with roommates!#people my ageish! fellow queers perhaps! somewhere welcoming#where i can relax and feel Understood and perhaps even content with being alive#where i have room to not just force the love of existence but truly Feel it#i have hope! i have hope... i am miserable but one day! i may not be!#ive waited and survived this long! ill make it! i will fucking make it i swear to god
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old friend!!! there you are my girl :)
#my artsies#shoku#shoku oc#oc#glad to bring them back of sorts… even if its only small doodles#i missed you! youve been so absent!!! and yet#oh well im glad to have you back#(you were never gone in the first place)#aw silly girl ❤️#I don't think you'll ever be okay again#What happened just. Happened.#But you can't compare it to anyone can you? Nothing actually happened. Why are you sad?#Don't be sad little girl. It's okay 💛 how come? How come? How come?#Looking at them makes you sick what? Silly thoughts. Silly girl#... Silly girl#oops#vent
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my brain: if you stay around people who only wanted to see you burn you will expect to spend your life engulfed in flames.
Me: SHUT UP IM TRYING TO SLEEP ITS FUCKING FOUR AM!!!!!!!!
#ignore me i'm having a moment#sorry#childhood#thats a bit sad#fanfic#ignore me im insane#oopsie#ignore me im tired#girlhood#marauders#ignore me im venting#solangelo#archive of our own#jegulus#ao3#ao3 fanfic#fanfiction#oops i did it again
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RANT INCOMING: Noooo guys the reactor I was watching said the line! He said "Will deserves better" after he figured out Will's feelings in s4... :(
I honestly dunno if I can keep watching him now. I know that's dramatic but when I tell ya'll Michael Wheeler means the world to me... Michael Wheeler Means The World To Me. I mean it. Wholeheartedly. And I cannot handle when people don't even try to see Mike as more than just Will and El's love interest, which is what it seems his take on Mike is unfortunately.
And I dunno if I can watch someone who's gonna sit there and claim Will deserves better than the one thing he's wanted for who knows how long and the one person who means the world to him, while also claiming Will is one of his favorites... like how does that even make sense?! They got in a couple arguments (in which both had valid points and valid reasons to be upset with one another)... so what?! That automatically makes Mike a bad friend?! It's the most stupid thing ever imo. I could go on forever with this so I'll stop here...
I know this is actually most of the GA's take on it so it shouldn't be surprising but... come on man! I was hoping this reactor would be different cuz I really like him. (Though some red flags did pop up regarding his reactions to Mike in s3...)
#stranger things#byler#mike wheeler#will byers#stranger things 4#yes im talking about ST reactors again...#oops#“will deserves better” is my least favorite take in the whole world#(talking about w byler not in general)#it just doesnt make sense!#he doesnt want better he wants mike!#ranting#venting#im so upset yall#(you can probably tell)#Jay's saying stuff :)#Jay's talking ST <3
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thinking i might just be a girl and then remembering i fucking lose it out of happiness whenever i look even slightly masc
#hound.txt#the bad brain worms are back oughh#im not fakiiiing. i dont want to be a girl.#side note thinking about mother..im never going to be able to ask her about hrt am i#like i want it but she'll probably get upset at me#or say its not possible because of how we live#which is fine but now im too scared to even suggest it because im not sure how she really feels about me being trans#she doesn't like my name an she wouldnt listen to me about a binder an she didnt seem *happy* about it#and she complains about how awkward its going to be for them to adjust#you dont think its awkward for me???#oops. ranted in the tags again#cw vent#ig
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TWO ALL NIGHTERS IN A WEEK ?! THE MENTAL UNWELLNESS IS CRAZY 😨😨💯💯🥶🥶🥶
#PROCRASTINATION AND MY NOT SO GREAT MENTAL HEALTH IS CATCHIING UP TO ME 😍😍😍#WAIDAMINUTE WAS THIS A VENT#oops#buries hands in face ezra what are you doing you have so many assignments to do#im so tired i just want to sleep and wake up without having to be worried. ive been worried all the time everyday#about everything and im SICK of it#closet rambles again on tumblr
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me when my jealousy issues r back
#juliet sauv me#she understands pls#toxic yuri? toxic roy 😍#i want to end my life goodbye#sorry.#suddenly im 9 again being a bitch cause my two best friends walked off without me and fuck i dont belong!!! tehe#levaing every server im in but the onr with wife rq!!#juliet i forget ur other names pls tell me if u see this pleaz#andromeda rieght ..?#anyways :pp#i hate litarely everyone!!!#i may be mental !! heh :3#i act silly but im actually crying. oops!#lile jealousy is the worst fucking feeling#u cant talk about it cause then ur a horrible person#theres nothing u can do but cry about how nobody likes u and everyone is gonna leave u#never talking anywhere again. bye#theta chats#vent
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not to literally just complain about my friend but im getting. a little annoyed after two weeks with her. she's sort of always taking over and doing things her way and ordering us around and i don't know how im the only one who seems put off by it??? like it makes me feel left out and like nobody else has a say!!! she always just immediately expects everyone to do it her way! she just takes control in a way that makes things not fun anymore!! we went to catch crabs and she just took over like no one else knew what they were doing and made me like. not have fun. i just ended up wanting to go home! from CATCHING CRABS ON THE BEACH! we're all going to the beach for my birthday and im scared that shes gonna make me feel bad somehow >:(
#also keeps calling me queer and then acting like im being annoying when i tell her im not and not to call me that lol?#like sorry bestie its not that hard to just say oops sorry and then not do it again#you don't have to be like right 🙄 gay 🙄🙄#anyway#diary#vent
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thinking thoughts but unable to put it into words... oughhh im just rotating scenarios and characters in my brain around and around and around
#i need the system to stop blocking off the tiredness and pain receptors so i don't push myself to a breaking point omfg 😭#(i was doing cleaning and tidying and reorganizing like a madman the past couple days again oops)#like its HELPFUL short-term but then im out of commission for several days after and that sucks shit fdsjkl#esp bc my main activity is creative stuff but when im this tired i can barely even put together two consecutive coherent thoughts LMAO#this post alone has taken me like five mins to write out bc i keep getting lost in fog 😭 normally i think it'd take me one minute fdjskl#I gotta find some way to still work on things even though im dead on my feet hmmm#alternatively... i could just. chill. and rest. but i Want to do things :[ aheemheem whimper FDSJJKL#dandy.cmd#vent //
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SORRY GUYS.... i just realized i havent answered asks or posted since like. last month..... I AM SO SORRY AJKDAKJDKJSA i've been really busy and i'm gonna spend a little time responding to asks and such waaaaaah its been a hot minute my bad!! I have two BIG group projects that are due really soon and i... am having to do them mostly by myself because my groups aren't really contributing very much hahaaaaaa so if i disappear for a little while again its because of that orz... I'm also really close to like uh. graduating high school. so thats also a thing! i have one prompt thats ready to go so if you'd like me to post it lmk and ill get it proofread and queued, but i might honestly not have much time to write/post until mid-june, i'm so sorry about that!! i also want to make sure that i can get a few applications done for VARIOUS things (zine, job, college, ETC) time has just been flying by and i have so much stuff i need to make sure i get done LMAOOO but ill get it done and then get back to prompts!! but yeah thats why there was an unintentional mini-hiatus, but i'll try and get back in the groove soon!! thank you all so so much for your patience!!
#update#if you see me venting over these group projects later IGNORE ME#im going a little insane but im fine :D#ill actually get that prompt queued in a bit oops#enjoy a small fic to make up for my long absence !!!#sorry again!
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every night i wake up and say "this is the night i respond to my friends' messages" and every morning i say "i swear i'll do it when i wake up"
#repeat repeat repeat until you get stuck on that cycle of guilt and forgetfulness and guilt and stress and guilt and Oops Forgot Again and-#see this is why i'm really bad at making/keeping friends!!!#bc i meet someone and then they text me and then i Never Reply#bc i wait too long dithering on how to answer or i forget to open it and then its Been too Long#biting myself so so hard#mentally. not physically. im not into that. ....probably#hmmm apologies for Venting On Main im just feeling this intensely before i turn in#yet another day of telling myself ill do something important and another day of not doing it#absolutely unprompted#unfortunately i also tend to do this with asks/replies and it kills me inside every time#not as much as accidentally ghosting people i care about but Wowzah#i simply cannot escape this mental block when it comes to anything#i still have to reply to my grandpa's responding father's day text. its been a week.#wailing howling clawing my way into the cold dark earth etc
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