#im utterly lost
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The most popular pages on Tumblr are about Minecraft, GIFs, and David J. Peterson.
Text
How to tell you're in love or just burn out from masking
She is the first allistic person I try to get close to in my university, only because she asked me to hang around.
My stomach hurts everytime I get close to her, I'm not sure if they are butterflies or anxiety.
I get lost in words, I'm not sure if it's because her looks take it away or because I'm too nervous to fit in that I end up not even being.
I bite the inside of my cheek, I'm not sure if it's because I'm holding out compliments or trying to contain my stimming.
I keep trying to regain my breath, but no air get to my lungs. I worry love is eternally tiptoeing.
#actually autistic#audhd#itmighthavebeen rants#sapphic#im utterly lost#i stopped bring sad about being neurodivergent but everytime i wonder who she should hang around with#i always get to the conclusion that anyone would be better than me by the simple change of not being autistic#I hide my collar when she gets around#i told her about it yesterday i still dont know how to feel#she keeps being gentle#i worry ill end up tiptoeing away
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
continuation of this post !! Donnie never makes it through the movies Leo downloaded (they suck)
#rottmnt#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt leo#leo rottmnt#donnie rottmnt#disaster twins#their vacation starts with a week long camping spree!! wahoo!!#donnie builds the fire and leo builds the vibes#(he is utterly useless)#the colours and fire were referenced off of a piece i found on pinterest i forgot to include that!! so im editing to say it now LMAO#tried something new w donnie but it got lost in the shading so. next piece ill get to show it LMFAO
799 notes
·
View notes
Text
LOST: Season One
#lost#abc lost#lost one cap per ep#this was a project i was gonna do anyways but the timing worked out that i could post the first one on the 20th anniversary!#this is one cap per ep every season. from left to right. and this is important: its not a cap that sums up each ep#its a cap that REPRESENTS each ep. the way i choose them varies every episode#sometimes its an utterly iconic moment. sometimes it reps the theme of the ep. or it hits with a theme of the character themselves#sometimes the cap i use won't even involve the character whose centric episode it is. trust me. this makes sense#anyways i'll give a good example: for outlaws i was so tempted to use a shot of the judgemental soulful gaze of the boar#or perhaps sawyer in the rain after he shot that man#but! i used that shot of sawyer's dads legs as sawyer is hiding under the bed. i feel it worthy because this moment. this scene#is literally a core part of sawyer. it's a defining moment of his backstory. of his character. so yeah. makes sense yeah?#anyways some eps had Too Much going on (lord i could make one of these for exodus part 1 alone) and some not enough#or well they DID but like lacked in caps that Hit in the way im thinking. thank heavens charlie shot ethan cuz i was worried about that ep#i was like ''aw shit what am i gonna use'' and then an iconic lost moment happened kjhfdsjkhfd#anyways. there are 25 eps in season one. so im really glad that the last ep contains one of the moment iconic visuals/moments in all of los#oh i should add that these caps are unedited. i did not fuck with the colours or saturation in any way#i found 'em and i pieced them together. this is harder than it sounds. i browsed through all the screencaps of every ep of season one#and i will do so the remaining five seasons#some of these were super easy like i knew what cap i'd be using before i even started (eg. do no harm. the moth. in translation)#but some took some real Thinking. and some eps even had several caps that would have worked. this has all been quite interesting#also yeah. y'all already know damn well what cap i'm using for the very last episode
82 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's alright... these hearts were built to fight
So why are you wasting? bring yourself to light
#maybe it wasnt a good idea for me to ever return to tumblr#im constantly reminded about how badly i fucked up and failed someone i care about because i was so selfish#i think i should just go away#and try to make sure the rest of my life i try to be kind and patient and try to be there for people#i dont want to be sad#and i know i posted this song before today i just dont want to have the personal things in the tags.#I just want to be who i really am and make amends for all the ways i was evil because i was so utterly lost and sad#im hopeful and i just... hope that i could look myself in the mirror one day and just#be ok and not reminded about everything :/#i carry the weight of everyone i let down because of mental health and i can never excuse it but im still responsible for everyone that is#still here#<.... that's the last song on the album so nice coincidence
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
TDAU Chapter 13 Spoilers
This is so sad. Alexa play Margaritaville in D Minor
Based off of @squirrelpatties and @hostilemuppet s Twitter Drama Au!
#i love this au i havent gotten to ch13 yet but my partner sent me all the details and i was struck by like idk divine inspiration?#something about being completely and utterly lost in a place as bright as vacay island struck a chord with me its REALLY good#also muppet if ur reading this hi im the partner my partner has been sending you anon asks about :]#tdau#twitter drama au#dreamworks trolls#clay#fanart#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
Another translation from the Radiant Mythology 3 Fan Bible and another profile skit!
TL note: Chichinpuipui is Mao's catchphrase, but irl is a phrase and "spell" used for injured children/children in pain to make them feel better. It could be translated to "there, there", but I'm not sure if "there, there" was the intent of the writer for Rebirth or if it was always meant to be a "Mao thing" in-universe. Also, I'm very attached to Mao's chichinpuipui LOL.
(Scanner preferred to remain anonymous.)
Original JP + TL under the cut.
What kind of person is Mao?
Flynn: Welcome back, Mao. Thank you for your hard work on your mission.
Mao: I’m back… No, that’s not right. Um… I’m back, bread! I just got back, bread!
Spada: Hell’s that supposed to be?
Mao: I’m impersonating someone I met outside. She’s a baker. She always adds "bread" to the end of her sentences, it's so funny.
Flynn: Mao likes that sort of thing. He was imitating Ada the other day.
Mao: Yeah! To be honest, I think it’s funny.
Spada: Ohhh? Hey, you. Don't just copy other people. Don't you have any original ideas?
Mao: I have a signature phrase. Chichinpuipui. ♪
Flynn: Oh, is that a spell to make ghosts less scary?
Spada: Huh? That’s the thing you shout when you make a fire, ain’t it?
Mao: Both are correct, bread! It's more fun to say it this way.
Flynn: That’s right. Mao is usually cheerful as is, but it feels like he otherwise knows how to cheer himself up. I think it’s amazing.
Mao: Th-That’s right. Ehehe… Eheee, bread!
Mimi: Hey–! That’s my original bread phrase! Don’t just use it like that!
Mao: Uwahhh?! Y-You’re the one from earlier…
Mimi: Get permission from me, bread!
Mao: O-Okay. Um, is it okay if I use it?
Mimi: That’s fine, bread. Bye bye, bread!
Mao: Wh-What was that about…?
#GTF Translations#Tales of the World: Radiant Mythology 3#Radiant Mythology 3#Mao (Rebirth)#Flynn Scifo#Spada Belforma#Mimi Baker#this was literally the most wholesome thing ever and i simultaneously gained and lost 1000 years of life#as of this skit im declaring mao adopted by flynn which means he's now karol's brother since yuri adopted karol#like this was amazing to begin with for them to put my top two faves of their respective games together plus a close second fave#but then to make it so utterly wholesome and beautiful... what the hell........ im thriving.........
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Punz painted something on stream im literally so proud <3
#he is in fact still doing his subathon#were gonna be 12 days into it in a couple hours#mans somehow not lost his mind because of us yet lol#anyway im rlly glad i got to be there for the painting thing#he followed a bob ross turtorial and then kinda did his own thing#we gave him a lot of advice#most of which he utterly failed to listen to lol#it turned out pretty good tho#watching the streamer i usually make art of make art himself was kinda adorable ngl#also yes ik this isnt dsmp related#if you dont like him#just ignore#im not above defending this man in the comments#punz#punzathon#punz appreciation post
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sometimes I’ll realize its been a while since I’ve played BOTW. I get all excited as the game boots up with the pretty music and sights, only to get smacked in the face w/ my lack of skill.
#got my butt kicked at the first (1st) calamity#so i go find shrines to level up at#only to get two tests of strengths in a row#i finally found one w/ a puzzle but it took me a while#bc im not super experienced with the runes#then i try to find one of the lost memories bc lore#but my utterly superb navigational skills kick in and i go round in circles#i go talk to some NPCs and realize i havent visited Robbie yet#i try to go find him#but he’s in the tundra and i only have a coat that my dead future father in law gave me#i go try to brew elixirs but it takes me so long to find a working cooking pot (bc im out of flint)#and by the time i’ve brewed the elixirs and stuff my moment of peace is through and I have to get ready for work#its hard being a filthy casual#botw#personal#funny
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
decided to play the heirs of fate dlc this weekend (ive been meaning to for awhile; admittedly my knowledge of it all comes from browsing the wiki, and i really wanted to experience the anankos characterization for myself). this isn't even the part i was excited to get to BUT I AM REELING OVER IT..........FOR REASONS I WILL DISCLOSE IN THE TAGS (from part iv: light's sacrifice)
#during shigure's explanation about why there's gaps in the kids' memories my brain IMMEDIATELY flipped to krad's post about whether --#gunter actually remembers how much he loved his family/is the revenge really for them or is it more so for his own satisfaction --#and like. OH MY GOD. IS IT NOT SO UTTERLY CRUEL THAT PERHAPS THE TRANSITION OF HIS REVENGE BEING FOR THEM ---> BEING SO FOR HIM WAS IN --#FACT BY ANANKOS' DESIGN ALL ALONG RATHER THAN JUST AN UNFORTUNATE SIDE EFFECT OF THE POSSESSION..........#gunter honey you may have been more under his thrall than you realized#this would totally align with how he's only able to tell corrin about his family once he's free from the possession. cuz anankos is no --#longer deliberately stealing his memories to make him more willing to act on his behalf.......ough........#of course i still think gunter purposefully indulged in that power from anankos.......latching onto it as an opportunity to exact his --#revenge without really being aware of all the consequences that would coincidence along with that#and of course this is just a lil tidbit for my own self insert lore but if anankos stealing memories is a thing he purposefully does to --#make his victims more malleable that would explain why he would not remember his time in askr or leigh upon returning to the world of --#revelation :''''') and perhaps it would slowly come back to him post game#teehee. having many thoughts. brain exploding. typical behaviour.#once again fates storytelling is fucking exceptional like is it not brilliant that the degenerating dragon who has lived among his people -#far longer than one likely should. and has been scorn by those ppl he so loved as now their memories of him are only full of fear and --#hatred. ends up stealing people's memories to make them more useful in his plan to destroy the world. much like how his own memories have -#been lost to time. and he is a victim to time just like anybody else. OUGH AAAAA MY HEART MY BRAIN IM SO SAD ABOUT FATES AGAIN.#anyways i still gotta play part 5 of the dlc but im saving that for either tonight or tmrw
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
i should stop trying to do anything. any time i try to study a course, i fail it. i try to do a personal project, and i never finish it. i signed up for a class i wanted to do for years and i went to one lesson n i dont want to go anymore bc its too much effort. i literally dont want to do fucking anything and making myself only leads to bad outcomes. so whats the point
#currently having to pretend im still in school while applying for jobs i dont want to work#avoiding the million projects i started n lost interest in. and dreading this stupid class for sm i was meant to be into#i have no interests no passion no motivation literally the only thing i actually want to do is scroll social media#my life is utterly fucking joyless and pointless
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
the rumors that theyre going to be separated except while on stage making me lowk nervous ngl they need to say sth NOW
#i never thought id miss liam running his mouth every hour of the day so badly. please we need ur chronically online posting back king#we're lost without u#idgaf about oasis really ive said this so many times if theyre not in it together id rather have nothing seriously#if they worked things out between them and then decided never to do oasis shit again id have been just as happy. idc about the band#it feels totally and utterly empty to have them back on stage performing if its purely business and they dont speak. like its nothing to me#i just wish theyd be ok again. idk sigh maybe that's parasocial of me and maybe im jumping the gun#maybe these are just bullshit rumors but its sounding kinda too real to be all bullshit. im TWEAKINGGGG#challenge be normal about those brother guys failed i guess
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
my head hurts and im so fucking exhausted and i dont feel like myself at all today
#ive utterly lost interest in everything all the sudden#damnit it's depression isn't it#man im tired of this#undulating between depressive and anxious states like a fucking metronome#im exhausted i just want a solution
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
looking at the clock and going "oh. i didn't. even realize it was past 8pm." and its not funny or cool its just unbelievably concerning
#medusa rambles#kind of venty ig#ive been having. a really shitty two weeks and an even shittier few days#i decided to step down from the student organization i started a year ago#which basically means itll probably fade into oblivion#i lost so many connections i had to this awful fucking college#in the past two weeks#and its like#all i have left tying me there is a degree that i don't really need for what i want to do#and a handful of professors & staff i genuinely value#i have very little support system in general and its just#why am i even staying here#why stay. genuinely why stay#i am such a community based person and like#i have no community there#everyone who im close with there just#are busy and i get it and i understand it but we Don't Talk. they understand my life via scattered updates that they dont really care for#and talking into the void is funny until its. not.#and logically i know that this is just like. pure depression speaking and not actually reflective of whether my friends care for me or not#but it just doesnt matter#and i think its just like. i Need to stop trying#because every attempt at any form of connection#that just fails completely and utterly is so severely damaging#but what do i have if i don't try. what is there otherwise.#i remember a year ago#when i first started college#sitting in my dorm and sobbing every night because i was just so fucking isolated from everyone around me#and its like. nothing has really changed. i am just as isolated as i was then#i think honestly like. maybe i do just need to be hospitalized again#i dont. feel like i did when i was 16 but i know that This is not sustainable and not good and like. sitting and going
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
At which point did you realise that the plot of IW is ass? I've seen people complain only about the ending or the halfway point where the teams separate, while I was already actively rolling my eyes like four-five chapters in
i think the moment i fully accepted that IW's story was. Definitely A Story was the moment ebina announced 'bleach japan'. like i think leading up to that point i was thinking to myself 'oh i hope i see X happen' or being like 'i wonder where this is going' and that sort but the proverbial bucket of ice was definitely that moment
#infinite wealth spoilers#snap chats#what reaaaaally hammered it in too if it wasnt obvious already was the execution of the jimas/daigo like that still irks me LMAO#i cant even remember what chapter that happened in i just know when it did i was utterly pissed#i think i started to take things less seriously once bryce entered the picture but thats only because of how distracting his VA was#like much love the JP voice actors who try to speak english and japanese but i just cant act like it's not incredibly distracting#esp when the character is supposed to be white yk what i mean- or at the very least their first language is supposed to be english#typically i can look over that thing if its a one or two time kind of deal but he had to speak in english much longer than others#im just rambling about bryce tho this aint bout him. i mean he could be a part of it the cult was executed really sloppily#it might have been the introduction of bryce actually ... i remember thinking to myself 'oh brother' with the whole messiah thing LMAO#maybe it was when kiryu told us his cancer cam from radiation instead of. smoking 💀 ESPECIALLY not even five chapters in#like straight out the gate you just wanna drop that on us mr I Can Do Everything Myself I Cant Worry Others ok#thats a post for another day tho im EVERYWHERE#POINT IS this is not about Retrospect this is about First Impressions and memory warps over time#but i know for a fact i found the bleach japan thing utterly ridiculous and was squinting at the plot the entire time thereafter#like ive said this a million times at this point but although i love IW for it's gameplay (pardon some nitpicks like lack of shortcuts)#its story really feels so messy and had much to be desired. which is so sad after the wonderful stories rgg has been making since 0..#BUT OH WELL im still excited to replay it in english. god willing i ever get the time#i still wanna finish lost judgment <- isnt even halfway through the game#and i wanna do a fun stream Maybe with YK2 but ill get into that when i get into that#if youve read this far. thanks LOL id say sorry for the novel but thats what we expect of me at this point
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
puppets bunker and ddos attacks have never been so much fun
#me holding my alliance like a squeaky toy and only getting one commend for it#I held you together. I raised u. I saved u and this is the thanks I get#but no I fuck around and find out for funsies and it’s like. six commends#anyway I was telling my friend like. I don’t have to think—#okay both healers die in alliance C and I rez one#I look back at my own alliance and half of everyone is dead. co-healer included#and then a bunch of them die again on the same mech#we almost die to the flyers not being killed bc the other alliances are dying#we get to the alliance split and our tank has an issue come up so he has to afk#so I’m keeping this ninja alive on a prayer#then half of the alliance dies again bc they went the wrong way w the arrow chaser aoes#that happened twice. there was a 30 percent boss health percentage difference going on#the icing on the cake tho was after the phase change in the final boss—boom ddos attack#so many people disconnecting. so many dying#alliance B lost everyone but the dps#it was carnage and I’m sitting here like. trying to keep everyone alive#tho like. Im not mad or upset about it tbh#it’s the sort of healer chaos where you’re sitting there juggling a bunch of stuff#that scratches the peanut of my brain#it’s much better chaos compared to CT raid chaos#mostly bc shield healers are the most fun at those levels compared to regen. to me at the very least#I have more resources at 80 w whm compared to 50 when shit hits the fan#but also pressing more than two buttons is more fun#CT just becomes utterly unbearable when you have people causing problems on purpose#when it is not an agreed upon clown time#ppl always talk about how bosses in nier have too much health when im like#im glad for it bc i like seeing mechanics#I love myths of the realm but when the final boss of the first raid can be killed before the most interesting mechanic is kinda#it’s kinda dogshit#owen talks
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
book I’m reading: a lot of people experiencing mental health crises turn to libraries which are unable or unwilling to meet their needs
me: alright yeah
book: this is because we got rid of the asylums. open the asylums
me: um
#she doesn’t directly call it that but I shit u not that is the message. will rb with the pages later & make it unrebloggable lol#I was really excited about this book and I’ll finish it bc I’m still interested to hear what other arguments I could maybe build on#but im ngl shes kind of lost me 😭#this genre of ‘prison bad inpatient good’ is so common and it’s utterly useless. if youre an abolitionist you have to commit to abolition#of incarceration & institutionalization in all forms#notably we did not in fact get rid of the asylums. she was just talking about the defunding of federal mental institutions in the us
3 notes
·
View notes