#im unemployed and on break from school rn and im

[februaryberries]

need….. structure…… will die….. without structure……..

[trapper-faggot]

Jesus christ im a failure like i cant fucking do anything

like ffs im already so overwhelmed by school and im barely full time and ive only had 1 class so far

and people are out here going to grad school and having careers and im overwhelmed by school as an art major like ffs i only have one class thats going to require reading and writing and im dreading it so bad

also i cant even remember how to code like ever but any time i complain to my mom about my lack of a future in art and how i need a steady remote job she just goes like “well you can code like me” like its that fucking easy

and like i really need a job, like holy shit i need money but the only 2 times ive tried full time school and part time work the first time i quit the job after like a month so i wouldnt fail my classes and the second time i dropped out of college and didnt go back for 2 years so whats going to make this so different, especially with where my mental health is rn

and the fucking icing on the shit cake this is is im nearly out of my adhd meds, and the pharmacy is saying i filled them when I didnt and so i need to call someone and im worried im not going to be able to get more for a month cause theyre a controlled substance and they’ll just think im lying and selling them and meanwhile im losing my mind unable to think without them and my TWO mood stabilizers/antidepressants arent doing jack shit, i keep breaking down crying from stress and i barely have anything going on compared to most people like most people are like ‘yeah i worked while in school to make ends meet’ and im pathetic over here like ‘i lived at home unemployed due to the grace of my mom for half of my degree cause i cant fucking be independent apparently to save my life, even though my entire childhood i made ‘being independent’ a huge part of my identity

Oh and I need to figure out my student loans cause this term is going to cost 8500 cause fuck the american educational system

[kopikode]

Hello ~

Salut~~

Hi, I’m still alive but im still breaking under online school work.... love that. So! To keep you updated with what I’m up to right now since its been 2-3 months since I posted, I am still studying languages (of course).

Things I’ve been up to lately:

School Work

Practicing Oral Exam for AP French Exam

Freaking out over AP French

Catching up on AP French work cuz senioritis

Subtitling Youtube videos ( for fun ! )

Studying Korean Vocabulary / reviewing grammar with a friend

Getting obsessed / yearning for Animal Crossing and the Switch

Drawing here and there

Trying to level up in cooking skills (not exactly working out :<)

Playing video games ! ( Sims 4 & Minecraft )

Watching C-Dramas ( Unrequited Love atm on Netflix )

Being tempted to learn Japanese and Chinese and holding myself back cuz I know I am not in the right place rn to take on 2 more languages

I hope quarantine has been treating you well. It made me crazy in the first 2 weeks of it, but I am now used to it. Please do not forget to take care of your bodies and your mental health. Drink water, eat food, and do sleep ! I am the type of person to work and forget to do those things, so I am trying to work on them now ! 

If you are bored, and you don’t know what to do, learn a new skill. If you want to work on your langs, go for it ! If you wanna practice cooking, go for it ! You can even teach yourself to sew or code or do magic tricks ! If you are not feeling up for that, then just binge on a show or do some house cleaning that you’ve been procrastinating on for a while. Keep yourself a bit busy or take a well needed break, if you have the opportunity to. 

To those who are key workers, you are doing an amazing job and you have all my admiration and respect for working in this time and risking your life. I am sending all my energy and gratitude to you. 

To those who are unemployed or are having a difficult time financially in this time period, I truly hope that something works out. There’s not much that I can do from where I am at, but I hope that you do not lose hope and I do send my company and love to you. 

Everyone, please be safe, please stay home or in some sort of shelter. We can get through this. Wash your hands, take your vitamins, eat, only go out when necessary. (Necessary meaning: key work, groceries, etc.) 

This isn’t really a post about languages, so sorry ! But I thought we could catch up ! Let’s stay strong and keep enduring !

Hoping for better days,

Kopi <3

[lesbianfreyja]

how are you handling post college life? im stuck in a shitty job and life seems boring.

oh absolutely terrible i keep wishing i was on campus or in school or something because as godawful as school is, i miss being close to everyone and everything, i miss piecing together garbage outfits and walking around and getting out of the house, and never seeing my parents, and being confident, smoking whenever i want, lots more chicks on tinder………… rn i’m functionally unemployed (basically i “have a job” but i pretty much never do anything for it lmao and i don’t leave the house for it) and all my IRLs are a billion years away and i deadass have spent 6 months doing nothing all day but watching tv and then going to bed depressed and dreaming up scenarios about supplanting everyone i know to california 

being an adult is so……….. hm. there’s no next stage?? like yea you can get married and meet new people and have kids but i just mean. this is it. this is what we’ve been training for OUR WHOLE LIVES. “the real world.” once you get out of school it’s just more variations of the same thing- wake up, go to some job you probably resent, search for meaning and then go to bed. like?? i feel like i’m drifting and i’m tired of people meaninglessly agreeing to go away with me and never doing it, and no one ever taught us how to move or do our taxes or anything at all. i’m so cooped up and every single crazy idea sounds completely reasonable: get 3 part time jobs, start an ethical porn industry, do sex work, give up parts of my body to science for cash, become an alcoholic, do drugs, get four girlfriends, do nothing, do anything. 

i’d feel a lot more confident making a crazy move toward what i think would fix some of this festering depression if someone was there with me. i’ve never been good at making big next steps alone. sorry, i think you were asking for advice but i really don’t have any?? i’m just drifting along too, ig your 20s are supposed to be drifty and scary and big and unsure, but you hope eventually u figure out smthng that makes you happy. i think our next steps are from now on just to pin our hopes on One Big Dream To Finally Fix Our Sadness after another, and in the time in between break it down into littler steps to achieve it. before you know it, it’ll be time to go to the bar again lmao

[thecrushheb]

This girl (how many of my stories start this way smh) was one of my best friends while i was living abroad but we're both back in the states now. Im up in the northeast and shes in the central US, so not near enough for us to have seen each other since being back.

We almost dated while we were abroad, or at least almost went on dates, but she started dating someone from over there, and we just settled into being friends. Well now she's back and not wanting to return to where her boyfriend is, doesn't really like his fam, doesn't like the country, all with the knowledge he would never leave.

I have to go back for grad school (I'm not looking forward to it, being away for one year made me realize I dont wanna live away from fam anymore), and she feels an obligation to go back as well. For her, she says she doesn't want to go back (very obvious) but when i say "then Don't" her reason was because most her of possessions are there.

So anyway the real story starts here: i work at a school rn and asked her what she is doing while im on spring break, if she'll still be in the US, and if she wants to either make a trip out to see me or the other way around (shes unemployed). She says shes been stressed about thinking about going back. I just said "don't want to stress you out i just miss hanging out"

She tells me

"Yeah I feel ya and it will happen, I’m… holding out hope for a less messy life one of these days"

And man, that'll leave me daydreaming about - if the timing hits right -

[fairywings]

long post sorry

tagged by: @rosecolouredgirls  thank u this is fun

tagging: uhhh @horrorgenre @ashietoashes @furbygf @spitacid​

rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag others!

the last

1. drink: uhh i was at a party last night and the last drink i had was a smirnoff ice sangria it was v good highly recommend  2. phone call: my dad 3. text message: to my boyfriend: “have you watched white gold” bc i just started it on netflix and i like it ed westwick is my mcm 4. song you listened to: i was listening to a whole atmospheric acoustic playlist uhh but the only one i remember from it is drown by marika hackman it’s beautiful 5. time you cried: uhhh i havent cried in a while actually? so idk not sure 6. dated someone twice: nooooo but thats not. uncharacteristic of me. 7. kissed someone and regretted it: no i’ve only kissed ppl i’ve been in a relationship with lol 8. been cheated on: no thank god my fragile heart couldnt take it 9. lost someone special: hmmm i mean i kinda lost most of my childhood friends bc we dont go to the same school anymore so we lost touch but its ok i made a bunch of new friends :) 10. been depressed: undiagnosed but. every late fall/winter i’m Very down 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: havent thrown up yet i always try and b careful dont wanna disappoint my momma but i went to a party in june and i hate beer so much i had to down some and Almost threw up

3 favourite colours

12. (wine) red 13. periwinkle 14. millennial pink lmao

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yea :)) 16. fallen out of love: yes i didnt like it at all 17. laughed until you cried: i always laugh until i cry 18. found out someone was talking about you: yea when my ex broke up w me all the bitches in my grade were talking abt me whatever 19. met someone who changed you: uhhhh not this year i dont think 20. found out who your friends are: honestly all my friends r Good and im forever thankful 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: uh i mean yeah my ex and my current bf r both my friends on fb

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most like at least 80% 23. do you have any pets: nah im allergic to the entire world 24. do you want to change your name: no marie’s cute i like it and my mom Loves it she says its the most beautiful name in the world i would break her heart if i did change it

25. what did you do for your last birthday: a had a sleepover w my closest friends at my place and we did a picture scavenger hunt in my neighbourhood and watched movies and did each other’s makeup it was so fun 26. what time did you wake up: 10 am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: drinking a smirnoff sangria and having a good time at a party and watching my bf getting absolutely Plastered and taking 3 shots of vodka in a row 28. name something you can’t wait for: summer hfhsfdhlf 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: twenty? minutes ago? idk we just watched hidden figures together 31. what are you listening to right now: by night - puzzle muteson 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: uhhh yeah i’m friends w a thomas and a tomas they r both great thomas’s is nickname is his last name but tomas’s nickname is tom so yeah he’s my tom he’s a very friendly guy we went to chinatown together once and had wonton soup 33. something that is getting on your nerves: school lol 34. most visited website: tumblr netflix n youtube 35. hair colour: brown. its a nice brown tho. natural highlights and everything 36. long or short hair: uhh shoulder length 37. do you have a crush on someone: i kinda uh like my bf 38. what do you like about yourself: my appearance i am very vain 39. piercings: i mean.. ears 40. blood type: who knows 41. nickname: i dont have one sadly marie is Short Enough but i have one friend who likes calling me marijuana  42. relationship status: in a relationship w a guy named miles 43. zodiac: scorpio 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: shameless 46. tattoos: none But I Want One 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: nah 50. sport: swimming and alpine skiing and uh sometimes i run lol 51. vacation: i’ve been a few places mostly in the caribbean and around the states i went to san francisco in august and saint lucia in january and im going somewhere this winter but idk where yet 52. pair of trainers: uhh i guess i wear my stan smiths all the time? not sure what this question means lmao

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: i had ice cream a while ago 54. drinking: water 55. I’m about to: watch ted talks on youtube and watch personal shopper on netflix later maybe 56. waiting for: someone to answer my fucking texts lmao 57. want: hot chocolate 58. get married: i’d love to get married 59. career: im an unemployed student but im gonna b looking for a job soon a starbucks just opened near my house but im waiting to turn 16

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: both r so great in their own way. cant choose. 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: taller lol i’d die for all tall people 63. older or younger: a little older is always nice. miles is a few months younger than me tho but its all the same and im p much the oldest in my year anyways 64. nice arms or nice stomach: uhh arms 65. hook up or relationship: relationship definitely 66. troublemaker or hesitant: i like a balanced middle

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: dont wear em 70. turned someone down: uh like romantically? kinda? but not directly. i didnt tell him no i just got in a relationship with someone else 71. sex on the first date: no 72. broken someone’s heart: havent had the chance 73. had your heart broken: yea. 74. been arrested: no i am too scared to do anything illegal 75. cried when someone died: yea a guy at my school killed himself last yr and i cried a Lot  76. fallen for a friend: yeah lol im dating my best friend rn

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself:  not really 78. miracles: no 79. love at first sight: sure 80. santa claus: no my mom told me he was a lie when i was 4 and complaining about how he didnt get me everything on my list 81. kiss on the first date: yeah so far always have 82. angels: no but its a pleasant concept

OTHER:

84. eye colour: brown 85. favourite movie: fight club or mamma mia!

[carlpalmer]

Question tag game thing i was tagged by @cause-the-cat-is-dead thank you so much!!!!

A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom? “aa that’s cool, have a nice trip!!!” to my friend lmao

B) What does the last text you received say? And from whom? “ahhhh ye”, from my other friend

C) What time do you wake up most mornings? “mornings”.. now im on a break i wake up at 2 pm smh. but i will wake up around 6:40 am next week when college starts god have mercy on me

D) Are you afraid of walking alone at night? walking alone at night is the scariest thing u could do holy shit E) What do you do to relax at the end of a stressful day? listen to music, watch tv shows, read some fanfic 

F) Where did your last kiss take place and with whom? in one of my past lives if it ever happened

G) Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school? rarely. id always get away with the shit i did bc no one even suspected the quiet kid!!!!! lmao

H) Do you enjoy your job? If unemployed, are you content being so? im @ college rn studying languages and dont have a job, and im happy bc if i did id be Dead!

I) Do you often pick up on double entendres and innuendos? god idk if it’s too subtle then i can be quite slow to understand it

J) Have you ever been offered drugs but declined? never been offered

K) Have you ever met someone who has completely altered your way of thinking? i dont think so, ive made up my own mind after meeting several people tho

L) Have you ever been offered drugs and accepted? never been offered

M) Tell us something weird that turns you on. ...i’ll pass this question N) When did someone last admit romantic or sexual feelings for you? Was the feeling mutual? no one gives a flying fuck about my existence lmaooo

O) What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately? SO MANY THINGS but i’ll say only one thats making me super confused: am i bi or the attraction i feel for men is only a result of compulsory heterosexuality? P) When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation? last time people were slutshaming this girl. i didnt like her for other reasons but that was shitty and i call people out sometimes when the disorder permits me but that day i felt bad i couldnt bring myself to say anything lol

Q) Do you usually initiate hugs? rarely

R) Are you a very affectionate person? i’m internally affectionate but i don’t let it show. i have no idea why, but it’s super hard for me to physically and verbally express affection irl i always feel awkward or uncomfortable aaaa

S) Can you roll your own cigarettes? ive never even smoked lol

T) What are you looking forward to? getting my hair cut tomorrow!!!! i can’t believe ill have short hair again

U) Do you have any tattoos. Do you want any/more? id probably want some but im too scared of needles haha!

V) Are you mentally strong? im pretty weak but im trying my best

W) Are you physically strong? im the weakest person in the entire world please dont ever fight me its unfair

X) Do you think you’re a good person? i could be a lot better that’s for sure

Y) Name one thing you wish you could change about your life right now. i wish i had a lottttt of money so i could make the people around me happy and live with less worries AND be in an eternal break!

Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast? i dont eat in the morning bc it makes me feel sick all day tagging: @chencake @mikerutherford @horsegirl1995 @tiinkers-tales @thenineofus @gayusoctgayvius @alexlifesonofficial @dalliscar @piratejenne @auritus @exxogenesis @bruceyiffinson @dirtydeetaurasi please feel totally free to ignore this if u don’t wanna do it!! c:

[eddie-rifff]

Question tag game thing i was not tagged but i have hardly any homework and am super bummed abt life in general rn so im doing it anyway!!! fuq u

A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom? “Thank goodness!!” to my teammate who said she had my helmet bag in her car

B) What does the last text you received say? And from whom? “i have it!” received before the text mentioned above 

C) What time do you wake up most mornings? 8:30 mondays and wednesdays, 8:50 tuesdays and thursdays, 9:30 on friday, and approx 11ish on weekends

D) Are you afraid of walking alone at night? absofuckenlutely but i do stroll around outside my dorm sometimes which is pretty safe  E) What do you do to relax at the end of a stressful day? watch youtube videos, play with my makeup, call my mom lol

F) Where did your last kiss take place and with whom? a cool dude in a cool place :) 

G) Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school? i had anger issues in elementary school so they gave me some warnings here and made me go to group therapy with some other little hoodlums, and HhhHholy shit i got called out for violating dress code in high school all the damn time because i liked wearing shorts and we werent allowed to wear shorts that were shorter than where our fingertips hit on our thighs and. bruh. i have long arms and zero pairs of shorts that are longer than that. fuck the rules, kids

H) Do you enjoy your job? If unemployed, are you content being so? if i wasnt in school i’d definitely want a job because i’d lose my mind doing nothing

I) Do you often pick up on double entendres and innuendos? i suppose??

J) Have you ever been offered drugs but declined? ppl don’t go about offering me drugs 

K) Have you ever met someone who has completely altered your way of thinking? not that i can think of

L) Have you ever been offered drugs and accepted? see J

M) Tell us something weird that turns you on. no N) When did someone last admit romantic or sexual feelings for you? Was the feeling mutual? some dude wanted to fuq me like early last year, not mutual, someone told me they had romantic feelings for me about 4 years ago, mutual. emphasis on four years ago lol

O) What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately? how i should advance the story i’m working on/ what parts i need to edit

P) When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation? there’s some asshole in one of my classes that just says weird misogynistic shit that i just do not have the time and energy for

Q) Do you usually initiate hugs? i mean they’re usually mutual ?

R) Are you a very affectionate person? absolutely!!! somebody please hold me!!!!!!!!

S) Can you roll your own cigarettes? what no

T) What are you looking forward to? going to the obx this spring break! as in two weeks from now!!!!

U) Do you have any tattoos. Do you want any/more? not currently but i definitely want some

V) Are you mentally strong? eh i suppose it depends on the situation

W) Are you physically strong? sadly no!

X) Do you think you’re a good person? i think so!

Y) Name one thing you wish you could change about your life right now. i wish i was a better equestrian :(

Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast? hmm usually a muffin and a coffee from the cafe in the student lounge after my first class of the day then i have a real lunch later on

@ anyone else, feel free to do this if you want and tell em i tagged ya!!!!