#im training to be a lifeguard lol

[teknikolor-walters]

OH SHIT I HAVE TRAINING FOR MY JOB IN HALF AN HOUR WISH KE LUCK BOYS

[blipblepbloop]

ok i’m dying to know what ur realism gripe is about the body that you mentioned in the tags of your reblog of my post about it

BAHAHA ty for noticing my commentary hidden in the tags so i can make this rant post about it lmao

first off, im aware its a tv show and some things need to be dramatized or exaggerated for the purpose of achieving a certain effect in the show. especially in an episode like the body, a lot of choices went into very intentionally setting a tone for the episode. however, that being said-

towards the very beginning of the episode, buffy calls 911 and a couple of paramedics show up. they tell her that her MOM is DEAD, get another call, and UP AND LEAVE. and in real life they would absolutely NEVER FUCKING DO THAT and it drives me INSANE every time i rewatch it.

take this with a grain of salt because the extent of my medical knowledge is first aid and lifeguard training, but according to everything ive ever been taught about BASIC FIRST AID they absolutely should not have left her alone, because they weren't done treating every patient on that scene. buffy is quite VISIBLY in shock, which requires treatment just as much as a physical injury. yet all they do is tell her to sit down, ask her if there's anyone else coming, and then leave. like they don't even at least make sure she's sitting down or confirm in some way that somebody's coming before just leaving. maybe protocols and training with that sort of thing was different at the time that the ep came out, but i kind of doubt it. she could have fainted, she DOES throw up, and just...who actually thinks its a good idea to just leave someone whose mother just died and is clearly in shock completely alone?? certainly not trained medical professionals.

again, i could potentially be wrong about this, and im also fully aware it was for that dramatic intense effect the audience gets from her being left completely alone to deal with the fact her mom just died, but today at least that definitely is not how that would go down. at least one of the paramedics would have stayed behind and talked with her and made sure she was okay at least until giles got there. and it mostly just makes me upset for buffy because she should not have been treated like that lol.

[pumpkinsy0]

MORE LIFEGUARD PURLY PLS PLS PLS

i gotchu rn anon

everyone thank @minty-bomb for help w these rn

OK

•oncecurlywasstayingbehindtohelpponycloseupthepoolandasathanksponykissedhim *cough cough*

•once pony was at the pool but it started POURING outside and thankfully it was only curly w him at the time so they just hid out and played some games :D

•pony and curly push each other in the pool idc idc

•after lifeguard training pony can do some rather impressive shit under the water im ngl

•maybe sometimes he shows it off to curly and pretends he doesnt know he wasnt looking just to get a reaction out of him, maybe he doesnt, who knows🤷🏽‍♀️

•when pony first hopped off that lifeguard chair thingy, curly made a joke on how fucking short pony was and pony bringed up the time he had to save a 200 pound dummy from a 10ft pool w his legs as part of his training to show that he was NOT one to b underestimated >:(

•sometimes pony had to babysit these kids bc their parents just fucking dropped them off at the pool and dipped

•she would come back n go “lol thx” and then just left w her kids again

•sometimes curly would come around n help bc the kids would get a lil too rowdy

•i would make a bunch if hcs for how that always goes down but tbh this image sums it up

[liquidstar]

okay but how would your ocs like a beach day

Okay I’m ready to answer this ask now that I just got back from the beach myself lol. Field research…. 

FIRST and foremost i actually want to say i have thought about cute beach outfits for some of the characters! Maybe ill get around to drawing those one day but i also have cute pj ideas so? I guess itll depend on what i wanna draw when i get to it lol

Anyway the actual beach day ideas, and im going to do them for the whole guild not just the main four!

Venus organizes the trip as a reward for everyone for working so hard and they all travel together by train, one of the few occasions where the entire guild does so.

Mira would feed the seagulls even after everyone asked her to please STOP feeding the seagulls because theyve started to follow them. She says not to worry because she picked food that wouldnt be bad for them. Everyones like our concern is not seagull husbandry. And shes like well it should be. And keeps feeding the seagulls. 

Bella spends the entire day underneath a large black parasol, not even for protection from the sun its just part of her look. She also seems to visit the snack bar a lot.

Polaris mostly stays inside a little boat because she’s afraid she’ll freeze the water otherwise, and also just because she just likes being on the boat (Otherwise she’d stay on land lol). But she wants to get in the water too, and Saiph talks her into it by saying that even if she did freeze it a bit he could just melt it again anyway, and that theres no possible way she could actually freeze this much water anyway. It clears her head enough that she’s able to swim with no problems.

Al grew up by the beach and he can get mad sentimental about it, but not really in a way that takes away from the incredible amount of fun he has just being in that atmosphere. It’s like got lots of childhood memories tied to it for him so its a throwback in a way lol. Anyway while he muses on this saiph and polaris flip his inner tube over and they all have a laugh lol

Tondra falls asleep in the sand and Capella and Alcor bury them because theyre little shits like that.

Noctua builds a sand castle and Fornax uses their ethos to make it metal so it wont ever ever ever get knocked down <3 the quality of the sand castle is so-so, but like, hes six

Vela and Ran are pretty much both right in their element in the ocean. They also get an inflatable raft and act as if it’s actually a pirate ship. 

Saiph brings some mini grill supplies to do the cooking for everyone, this is a daunting task he works in shifts with Vesta.

Felis doesn’t like water, she just sits all day and sunbathes. Yes, because she’s a cat.

Pyxis forgets he’s old and throws out his back trying to show up young people surfing.

Baiduri and Nix v.s. Euphie and Imai volleyball game proving to be the athletic event of the century. Euphie and Imai win the first round but Baiduri and Nix win the rematch after sundown.

Regulus came to the beach only to relax and be pretty and hes actively using his ethos to repel sand from himself which is just unnecessary. 

Ain is somehow the lifeguard now and no one is sure how she managed to do that. Presumably she one-upped the other lifeguard so bad he quit. Her witch hat is now red with a white cross on it.

Shaula and Io are currently trying to break the world record for biggest cannonball splash. They don’t know what the world record is they’re just doing canon balls and guestemating if anyone in history has ever done a bigger one.

Itonda is taking Eirine and Lillie around the shore to collect seashells, but they keep being competitive about it and are getting increasingly annoyed when they ask whose seashell is better and he says “umm theyre both nice :)”

Both Juno and Bernard spend most of the day under the umbrella reading books or relaxing rather than going in the water. Bernard may eventually be swayed but Juno refuses to leave because “water is the #1 cause of drowning” < things normal people say.

Orion catches a fish in a bucket to show to Capella and then they must both solemnly let the little fishie go.

A jellyfish latches onto Lacerta but her ethos makes her immune to venom so she just hangs out with it on her leg. And everyones like um hey are you okay?? And shes like yeah why do you have a problem with Squishy? My friend Squishy? Get a life.

AND last but not least this was actually an idea from my friend @pakbet Al brings a stick and watermelons and a blindfold for suikawari, mira finds it super fun to run around and wack stuff and saiph might get lightheartedly competitive but at the end of the day io would annihilate them all entirely it would be no contest. that watermelon is juice now.

[cloudytamaki]

hi im aware this is overused but can I maybe get a mha matchup?? if not that’s fine too bestie.

I’m a INTP Taurus

I’m fairly normal weight (I don’t weigh myself lol) i have very curly blonde hair and light green eyes and freckles.

uHm my friends are super duper important to me, I love each and every one of them to the moon and back. I’m really hyper-focused on my grades, so I average an A+ atm. I’m not too social, but it’s not hard for me to be. i like watching horror movies to make fun of them, it’s evil yes but entertaining. I’m also heavily into witchcraft, like spells and stuff. But I’m mindful to not used closed practices especially of Natives, WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT TO ANYONE STARTING!! but uh yeah i also am pretty goddamn indecisive and constantly worried I’ll fuck up. when i talk to people it tends to be pretty chill, i like taking long drives to nowhere in particular with friends. I lifeguard for a local swim team, and train the kids too. I also adore fashion. My demonia wearing ass doesn’t have it though. Im such a big bisexual. Not important but like yeah rip to me. In a s/o I like someone who isn’t afraid to be themselves. I don’t like people bsing me to impress me, what you’re doing is trying to make me like a false version of yourself and I can tell. so someone who’s real is good. And someone who’s very not misogynistic. That’s a given. I also really value somebody who’s not a big complainer. Like he’s allowed to complain but when people do it nonstop it’s obnoxious tbh.

uh that’s it anyway I love ur writing and congrats on 1k you’re so well deserving 💓

viv’s notes: making fun of horror movies... yes. you’re so chill and i love your vibes. you’re badass.

i pair you with shota aizawa.

similarities attract; he’s chill too, hates complainers and fake people

the demonia style is so fucking cool and he vibes with it

doesn’t get scared watching horror movies and everyone’s always shit on him about it so he’s content watching and critiquing movies with you (tbh he has some good feedback)

kinda confused about your interest in witchcraft but just accepts it

i’m getting insomnia / coffee addiction vibes for some reason

unspoken love; sometimes he does/says something without making it super clear

y���all probably planning for a cat in the future

you can’t sleep. you’ve been trying to shut your thoughts up and drift off, but you absolutely cannot fall asleep. as quietly as possible, you roll out of bed and trudge down the hallway, into the kitchen, deciding to start your day early.

you turn on the coffee maker, add some water to the glass pot. you prep the filter and add the grounds.

while you’re leaned over the counter as you stretch your back, you can hear some footsteps across the hard-wood floor.

“what’s the time?” shota’s ‘morning’ voice is raspy and tired.

you squint at the microwave. “it’s 3.”

he probably rolls his eyes, but you can’t see it, the kitchen’s too dark. “well. do you want some coffee?”

“aren’t you going to sleep?”

you click your tongue, watching the coffee maker. “can’t.”

the cabinet to your left opens and he takes out two mugs, placing them down beside you. “you’re staying awake?” you ask, looking at the colored mugs.

“why not?” 

[tokyoghoulnurse]

Anyways as you’ve already noticed im a ~girl~ but also a pain in the ass. And u already know some of my situation. I’m actually a lifeguard but my end goal is to either work for Disney as an imagineer or for lucasfilms in like, creative executive stuff with ~physics and spaceships~ because I’m a nerd. And I apparently flexed that fact so much that most people in my entourage who aren’t my friends hate me for it (a fact I learned like three days ago).

I spend my free time either studying, training in a pool or doing CrossFit training, or writing lol. I like hanging out with my friends too but im introverted (leaning towards ambivert though) and sometimes I get really tired hanging around people who’s personality isn’t compatible with mine (aka Hyper And Talkative People Who Spend Most Of Their Time With Small Talk. I hate small talk with a passion.) I really enjoy anything that has to do with science and i have a thing for theorical subjects. Im sort of a musician too and I enjoy composing stuff sometimes.

I’m a Taurus which means I’m stubborn (I actually am tho it’s funny), and I use my inner problems and insecurities as humour to cope lolol. I’m,, bitch I’m a wholeass mess, but I manage. I’m also a bit of a rule freak and I WILL snitch on you if I find you vaping in a fucking public bathroom with no hesitation (in this pandemic?? I don’t fucking think so)

Oh yeah and I’m queer as fuck, gender don’t matter as long as you’re attractive

I match you with Miyuki Mikage and Urie Kuki!

Miyuki

I feel like you could two would get along and geek out together about space, spaceships and physics and as well as star signs. You could pull him out of his constant daydream and he could overcome your stubbornness. He would love listening to anything you compose and offer you that proud smile of his; telling you how much he loves it when you happily get on with your hobbies.

Urie

Your sense of responsibility, hatred of smalltalk and fondness for training suits him perfectly. You’re very intelligent and into arts; he’s absolutely mesmerised by you. Urie will live for your music and writing, and will even give in to training together. You might even be able to drag him into that pool you mentioned.

[peterthepark]

if ur taking stranger things requests still, maybe could u do a billy headcanon about his gf showing him off in front of the pool moms lol

ofc! always open for stranger things requests!

Showing Him Off

Billy Hargrove x Reader

Warnings: cursing, fluff, jealousy?? brief mention of smut??

you’ve had enough

literally all those cougars at the pool stare at your boyfriend and he just doesn’t care

“billy, it’s gross. they’re married women. and you’re like nineteen, babe.”

“let them look. who cares? it’s not like im gonna give into any of them. i got a beautiful girl by my side anyways.”

he thinks that you’re so chill about the whole situation but not really

because you’re practically fuming the next time you’re at the pool

mike’s mom can’t stop staring at your boyfriend and as much as you like the damn woman, you just wanna grab billy and get out

you’re pretty new at the whole lifeguard job, so billy is basically “training” you

if training you meant lounging about and talking then sure

anyways, you can’t fuck up your job because you just need some income for yourself

but all these girls and women are making it very hard for you to keep your cool

it’s not that you distrust billy, you just don’t like the way that these people behave around him

you obviously can’t control the way they look at billy, but you can show them that he is your boyfriend

you’re stomping towards billy, where he stands in front of his chair, looking across the pool

he’s completely unaware of how mrs. wheeler and some other pool moms are actually drooling over him

“billy, can i kiss you?”

your boyfriend is so confused

mainly because you’re asking him to kiss you

he’s taking off his sunglasses, sweat rolling down his tan chest

“what?”

within seconds, your lips are on his

your hands are roaming over the blades of his shoulders, while his fingertips brush over your hips

billy pulls away for a second with a chuckle

“babe, everyone’s looking.”

“let them look. who cares?” you mock his words, before pulling him into another kiss

he’s moaning into your mouth, while he grasps the back of your neck

the pool moms are whispering and gasping, looking utterly disappointed

especially mrs. wheeler

then quickly, your shift with billy is over, so you’re dragging him towards the showers

his hand intertwined with yours

you have the snarkiest look on your face as you strut past them, glancing over your shoulder to look lovingly at billy

little does he know that you’re about to give him a blowjob in the shower but

he’s kinda blown away by your sudden act of control and confidence

billy thinks it’s hot as fuck

maybe you should work more hours with him at the pool ;)

[ceaderblocks]

pool deck slang for lifeguard au

it was brought 2 my attention that people don't know lifeguard slang (because they aren't guards, which is fair lol) so here's a mini master-post of slang! This is used in BC/Yukon and in my fic/au, idk if its like this elsewhere lol. if u still don't get it send me a message and ill explain it/ add it to this post!

Major- a first aid that requires 2 or more guards. (heart attack, stroke, spinal etc.) requires clearing of the pool/ calling 9-1-1

Minor- a first aid that requires 1 guard and no clearing of the pool (nosebleed, scraped knee, bumped head)

spinal- breakage or suspected breakage of the spine on a person. considered a major, breathing or not

spine board- the big long plastic thing that we put spinal victims on

AED- automatic defibrillator

DNS- drowning non-swimmer

the Deck/ deckside- the pool deck. usually if someone is “on the deck” they’re guarding for the shift

NL- national lifeguarding. the course you take (in BC/Yukon) to become a lifeguard. bronze medallion and bronze cross are the pre-requisites to NL.

WSI- water safety instructor. its a swim teacher ;p. a swim coach actually has less training then a WSI!

banana- im pretty sure “banana” is my pool specific lol. its the yellow rescue tube guards carry when guarding

deck lead/ leader- the “supervisor” on deck. they are senior guards who usually deal w/ mean patrons and call the shots on if your opening the waterslide or the ropeswing

aquatic supervisor- the manager! my pool has 3. makes the schedules and programs and stuff. sometimes they guard/teach if someone is sick, but not often

[firelxrdazula]

im a certified lifeguard and during our cpr part of the training course our instructor literally told us to sing playing alive by the bee gees lol its official

i had to do this earlier and i kind of suck at performing the compressions but hey at least i got the rhythm part right 😂

[thedegenerateasexual]

another big old fuckin rape warning jfc

incest warning too i guess? lmao this book

AN ENTIRE FLASHBACK CHAPTER im not ready

four days after the first encounter and kate hasn't made another move - "But she hadn't moved from the lifeguard perch all week, hadn't even spoken to him. She'd just watched him like a hawk, gaze trained on him, as he'd stroked through the water. One by one the other swimmers had left, and he'd remained behind, torn between disappointment that she hadn't done it again, and complete and utter relief that she was staying away from him."

and then she does: "He swam lap after lap beneath her scrutiny. Then, just as he did one last flip-kick and headed for the stairs in the shallow end, he felt the vibration of her approach in the water. And then she was swimming alongside him. He couldn't believe it. He didn't know what else to do except to keep swimming. What was he supposed to do? ... He thought about all those human, adult things that he hadn't done, that she obviously had—get a job, have a car..."

so then they stop swimming, and she takes his hand:

She smiled at him, much more shyly than he would have expected. She looked down, then peered up at him through her lashes.

"What you must think of me," she murmured.

His heart was pounding so hard he was sure that she could hear it. He had no idea what to say to her, and he also had no idea how to get out of the pool without embarrassing himself.

Except . . . he didn't want to get out of the pool. He wanted to kiss her.

"There's something about you," she whispered. "I've been thinking about you all week. I tried to stay away. I mean, you're a student and I'm . . . well, I'm not a teacher. But I'm close. To being a teacher."

She swirled her fingers through the water. "And this really isn't my style, you know? I don't come on to men like this."

Men. She thought of him as a man. He licked his lips, completely tongue-tied.

what kills me about this is that this is what he does in the show when confronted with kate, or other things that make him uncomfortable (jennifer) - when derek can't think of the right thing to say he goes dead fucking silent. he just plain stops talking. & i'm like devasated at the idea that it's a lifelong habit 

and then, this is the most manipulative part:

"I wish you'd say something," she murmured. "I'm kind of dying right about now. I'm sorry if I misread your intentions. I won't bother you again."

His intentions? Misread them? He was baffled. But then he thought about all the looks he had thrown her way. How he'd glanced up at the lifeguard tower every time he'd made a turn to head down the lane. Maybe he had been sending out signals.

THAT'S TEXTBOOK GASLIGHTING JESUS CHRIST HE'S SIXTEEN

it gets worse! she "assumes" he has a girlfriend and pretends to be all shocked when he says he doesn't because he's "so handsome and all" and then says "look this is happening in such an awkward way i dont mean to crowd you im just drawn to you i cant rly explain it" exCUSE me oh my god and then adds "but i don't want you to think i'm just after, well, YOU KNOW" THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE but he's sixteen and never had a girlfriend so he doesn't know any better!!!!

so she asks if he wants to go for coffee and show her around and then adds "we'd have to be careful bc outsiders wouldn't understand" i'm pretty sure they'd understand just fine :///

like i knew it was like this but im still so outraged on his behalf jesus

and he's thinking about how he doesn't know any coffee places in beacon hills bc he spends most of his time out of the community but SHE says:

"I think we're both having the same thought," she murmured. "Privacy."

Privacy, as in being careful not to be seen together while they were hanging out? Or privacy as in . . . oh, God, was she serious?

"So we can get to know each other." She pondered a moment. "Would you think I was too forward if I invited you to my apartment? Just for coffee?"

and he's like panicking running through his options bc he wants to go but he's supposed to meet laura and there's only one car - she offers to drive him home, and oh, wouldn't she just love to know where the hale house is - but eventually he just says he needs to check in with his sister first - and she's like, "laura hale? oh dont be startled i made some discreet inquiries about you" and it doesn't trip his creep radar bc he doesn't have any life experiences but holy fuck that's like right next door to stalking

as an aside i don't like how they use wolf as a verb in this book it's weird - he began to wolf, his eyesight wolfed - like nah. no thanks

uhhhhh so derek asks laura to pick him up in 3 hours and she's like "whats in it for me" and he's like "i wont tell dad i saw you frenching josh" JOSH THEIR COUSIN??

the exact words were josh was peter's sister-in-law's kid

that's, uh

i mean that means peter's brother's kid, then, right? which means laura and derek's blood cousin???? alright then

oh god kate came in the locker room in JUST A TOWEL while he was talking he can't get a minute away from her

laura's like "ur gonna go do something slutty with a human aren't you" THIS IS CONTRADICTING SEASON 1 CANON LOL derek never told anybody about kate! laura is super weird in this book if my 16yo little brother was about to go sleep with a teacher i would never be so chill about it

Oh, sweetie, getting your attention is like shooting fish in a barrel, Kate thought as she drove Derek in her car to her apartment. It was across the street from a bar, which, from her point of view, was convenient for when she wanted to hang out with the grown-ups. She was wearing a pair of jeans, heeled boots, and a black low-cut cashmere sweater. I can practically hear you slobbering. It's like you're a big puppy dog and I am a juicy steak.

this dialogue.......

i wasn't like, having the worst time reading this book, it wasn't actually that bad, but jesus

oh my god

"The thrill of this new hunt raced through her. The euphoria of the chase. She never, ever got tired of dangling herself in front of males of all kinds. It was no accident that in ancient Greece, the deity in charge of the hunt was a goddess—Artemis. Beside her, Derek "Aquaman" Hale had his head resting on the back of the seat and his eyes closed. He was really good-looking. This was not going to be the most difficult thing she'd ever done in her life."

good GOD 

so she offers him a drink, and starts with coffee, but quickly escalates to wine: "I like to have a little something to unwind after I'm at the pool, you know? Lucky thing I live across the street from a bar." She said that to goose him a little, remind him she was a woman, with a woman's needs.

and that he's sixteen.

now she's talking about how she doesn't even know if derek and the hales are the wolf pack she's looking for: She had her orders, but she had to be sure. Kill werewolves, and you were a hero. Kill people, and you were a mass murderer. The group she was involved with had detected werewolf activity in Beacon Hills, and she just had a feeling about the Hales. Of course, there were several other large families in the area that might make up the pack she was seeking. Derek's furtiveness and hesitation might have nothing to do with her assignment. There were reasons other than being a werewolf for not wanting to bring home someone who was way too old for you. It hadn't dawned on him to question the motives of a pretty woman who was coming on to him. He believed what he chose to believe.

apparently she has some tragic backstory w/ this? "Menwerewolves and humanswere so simple. They always assumed you wanted them. Some fat man on a couch burping and watching cage matches? Oh, yeah, you wanted him. A guy who threw you around the room and accused you of cheating on him? Oh, yeah, you wanted him. Like a hole through your heart. But the good one? The one that you really did want? A flash of rage roared through Kate, but she kept it at bay. She could feel it trying to take over, like a wolf scratching at her door. Rage was not her enemy. Rage got the job done. In ancient Greece—land of Lycoan, said to be the first werewolf—men who pissed off the goddess Artemis were ripped to shreds by her hunting dogs. Several times a day, Kate dreamed about ripping various people to shreds. Of course, she never acted on it. She left that for others much less able to control their savagery." see, like, if derek wasn't 16, i could buy bad men in her life leading her to want to use men like this, but derek is a boy and she talks continuously about how innocent he is, so like...no slide

i know i'm just doing a lot of copypasta rn but it speaks for itself: "She watched as Sweetie Derek politely moved a packing carton off her sofa and sat down. What a body. Still boyish, but with the sweet promise of a truly splendid man. If she was right about the Hales, Derek would never become a man. Just as he wasn't really a boy. He was a monster hidden inside a human disguise." that aligns pretty well with the "they're all just a bunch of dumb animals to me" shit she talks in 1.11, also, "Sweetie Derek," this is so horrible

she finally pours them wine and leans against the counter to "give him a view" - "She waited for his response. He was staring at her body. Wanting her. Intimidated by her. She loved it." like this is SO BAD AND EXPLICIT she really does just love that he's young and unsure it's FUCKED

so then we switch to derek pov, and they eat like a light lunch of sandwiches with a long awkward silence, and he does a lot of internal monologuing about how cool it would be if she could come home and meet his family and be her mate

which like...i know how teenagers are but he met her five days ago. tbh real grooming, which is definitely what she's doing, takes longer than that, but i guess we were going for brevity here lol

(in this book derek's dad is the alpha? but in season 3 talia is, so i guess they changed werewolves then to be matriarchial like hunters)

like, she's asking him questions about himself - lucky number, favorite color - she asks him if he believes in fate. he keeps clamming up and she keeps trying to get him to talk so she finally asks about his swimming and he blurts out that there's just so much pressure, even though he can't really tell people about his "double life" and she like IMMEDIATELY responds with "yeah ofc there is hs is so rough like the ppl you have to hang out with some are still like babies and some are all rown up and ready for the real world like you" like...this is classic grooming techniques

and he's like flattered and think she's mega hot but he's also really nervous, and when she leans into his space and asks if he's ready: "He set down his sandwich. His heart was about to burst out of his chest. His body was quivering and trembling. He felt as if he were burning up." and he does say yes so i assume they banged but THANK god the chapter cut to black

[mogamifucker666]

 cabana au plot thing maybe. i can’t write so.. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

premise: Mogami is an assassin/hitman, working at a tropical resort for cover. his mom is sick. he works with SG guy (Sargent) as assassins but also at the same tropical resort place. Matsuo is a rich gold digger, killed his last husband but was judged innocent in the trial. now he’s looking for thrills, doesn’t desire more money, just trying to have a good time. which for him means.. causing choas.

(this post is so long and dumb and gay i am so sorry for anyone on tumblr mobile RIP)

(edit: it’s even longer now and i tried to fix the typos from before. i hate how invested i am in this AU and yet i cannot stop.)

Matsuo comes to this resort regularly and the staff are Wary and particular about the staff they (somewhat) sacrifice to Matsuo. but Matsuo has MAD CA$H so they assign him like.. a personal attendant of sorts.

Mogami was hired between the last visit and this one, has been working there a lil while (some months but less than a year), Sargent is part of the resort’s management and works to cover for Mogam to give him alibis while he’s off killing ppl Just In Case

Mogami probably has an alias that he uses for like everything and that’s “Kai” bc he works by the ocean lmao. 

I guess Mogami works around the pool and beach? waiter/bartender type thing. trained as a lifeguard so he does that too.

Anyhow he gets assigned to Matsuo, is aware that Matsuo’s was on trial for the murder of his husband but wasn’t convicted, but doesn’t really know what to expect. definitely not the chaotic twinky gremlin that Matsuo is in this AU.

Possible first interaction: Mogami is just trying to serve some drinks  and Matsuo intercepts him and he's like "can i help you.....uhm........?" (can't figure out Matsuo's gender) 

Matsuo, "that would be sir, thank you. but in a different context you can call me baby." Mogam is internally like o no-- Matsuo, not missing a beat, "and i can call you daddy." and Mogami is like. CRIngiNG he's like this is it, this is the curse brought on by killing people, the bad luck has finally caught up with me-- etc

Matsuo has a thing about paying ppl with Mogami’s job 4 sex/seducing them

Mogam is not about it

Matsuo won’t ease up

Anyway. things r tense and assassin stuff is more difficult bc of dealing with being Matsuo’s attendant. but there r days when Mogam isn’t working, where he has leave to “see his mom” which are often used for assassin stuff but. sometimes seeing mom. sometimes both.

Mogam still maintains his cool and indifference to Matsuo’s attempted advances

it’d be ridiculous if Matsuo very obviously fakes drowning. standing in shallow water (literally standing) and just flinging water around and looking like a fool, calling out “help me lifeguard! im Drowning! oh the humanity! i am struggling to breathe oh lifeguard please help me!” mostly bothering the other people around so Mogami feels compelled to usher him away but Mogami does Not lol and Matsuo just looks like a desperate fool.

maybe he actually pretends to drown

“i think i need cpr”

“i’ll just call an ambulance for you”

“come ON” as Mogami gets up and Leaves

Matsuo: >;;;;^(  Mogami: B^|

Matsuo prObably goes for some other poolboys in the meantime. partly for attention, partly because it’s what he does.

Matsuo insists that Mogami has a secret (and he does) but Mogam denies that he has any secret of interest to Matsuo

somehow Matsuo finds out about his mom tho and Mogam is like “ah yes. my dark secret. i am indeed secretly tender at heart and love my mother very much. u got me.” but like. no it’s that he’s killing people. But there is some bonding and more respect from Matsuo. some but not much.

the Advances continue tho Matsuo is like still like  “if u need money then sleep with me??”. Mogam is like. No.

also, at some point, Mogami to Matsuo “has anything bad happened to you at all in your life?” (bad things have happened but it’s been a While and Matsuo is hella detached from that)

Matsuo is legit like. lowkey a psychopath probably and breaks into Mogam’s (place of residence) (apartment proabably?) and Mogam gets back from a nearby “job” (shady bloody job) and Matsuo sees him (Matsuo wasn’t hiding lol) and Mogam Very Clearly bloody (under the shirt he was wear and since removed bc he’s home now) and is internally like “i’m not prepared to deal with this. this is over my head, the disappearance would go noticed, and would obviously connect to me... i’ll call Sargent. i probably have to kill him, such a hassle.. could be the end of things. what i thoughtless greedy awful--”

i drew it:

(evil gremlin pixie gets gay while dead-inside man contemplates the logistics of murder and disposing the body)

he glances down and Matsuo is like... sparkly heart emojis looking at the blood on Mogami and. Mogam is CONFUSED hE’s like “What.. are you doing looking like that?????”

(the blood drawn on his face/hand doesn’t make sense now that ive thought about it but. i can’t be bothered now.)

(my fave Mogami reaction to Matsuo is “bitch what the fuck” honestly) 

Matsuo is rlly hot about the blood i but Mogam is just tired of this he’s like. resigned and kind of given up and legit just “I’m going to take a shower”

“can i come with u? ::::3c”

“you can do whatever you want” (figures Matsuo will follow him but doesn’t care if Matsuo leaves and tells the police he’s just tired rn)

Matsuo does follow him (he’s got his Eyes on the Prize)(the “prize” has gotten more and more interesting and enticing as time went by and now he is enthralled. Matsuo is chaotic and freaky and i love him. kinky(TM))

Mogam is trying to ignore Matsuo in the shower but eventually just Gives Up and like yeah wow sex huh

it is. a lot more good than Mogam anticipated and Matsuo is very :^)))))) after (satisfied and “i told u so” and still sneaky but also. more solidly attached now)(Mogam is endearingly passionate  and it’s hot i guess idk don’t look at me)

Matsuo is probably the only (alive) person besides Sargent who knows he’s killing people so like. that relieves tension and allows for more intimacy ok

(im gay don’t talk to me)

at some point after that Matsuo is like “you like killing people”

“no, it’s just a job”

except he does and something happening close to the time of the convo is like ‘wait yes i do enjoy it..’

At Some Point Matsuo gets a wound over his eye (so the scar matches canon lol), it’s somehow a result of hanging around Mogami

thanks @ Nick for this idea: maybe Matsuo gets kidnapped and Mogam has to go save him. Jokes on Mogami tho Matsuo knows how to use a gun and can handle i knife decently. basically Matsuo kills at least Some of his abductors, gets his face slashed, and escapes by the time Mogami arrives to save him.

probably a sobering experience for Matsuo like ‘o right actions have consequences that affect me. wow. strange.’

this isn’t a deterrent for him tho, he’s still having fun, but he’s gonna be less flippant and careless from then on.

idK eventually an agreement of commitment happens and like. Mogam quits and the resort and moved back with Matsuo to the US i guess and now he doesn’t have to worry about money for his mom’s care bc Matsuo is stacked.

so Matsuo has married twice and the latest one is dead but the other one (his first marriage) is to Toichiro.

Toichiro’s wife divorced him, he’s rich and is some important af person in a corporation idk, he and Matsuo r together for a while and then married briefly and then Matsuo divorces him and gets hella money (awful. cruel. rude boy. evil. i love it) 

(their relationship was like. probably kind of sad bc Toichiro is pretending he’s not torn up abt his ex-wife and maybe Matsuo like?? wasn’t just being a gold digger and actually cared about him, but was constantly eclipsed by the ex-wife n got tired of it and once they were married he was pretty soon like “Okay. That’s That. Bye.” dark. idk Matsuo is an energetic and wild person and Toichiro is cold and dead inside and Matsuo probably brought a lot of like.. joy to his life, and he took that for granted n Matsuo left. bye bish.)(lmao i h8 angst i’m sad now)

the current dynamic between him and Toichiro is like.. whenever they see each other they just drag the shit out of each other and r snide and that’s their point of camaraderie but Matsuo rlly doesn’t care abt him and always rubs Toichiro’s unsatisified life in his face.

but Matsuo is with Mogami now and they’re back in the US (some big city, probably Los Angeles or NYC.. or both. Matsuo has an unnecessary excess of wealth he can have a house on both coasts) but they end up talking with Toichiro and so Toichiro and Matsuo r doing their nasty banter thing and Toichiro starts talking dirty and about stuff he and Matsuo did and Matsuo is kind of pissed and internally like ‘wow in front of my boyfriend?? i know i have no class either but xcuse u bitch :^)’ but. also talks abt the stuff he’s been doing with Mogami. meanwhile Mogami is just there SEETHING quietly, tensely but politely smiling, thinking 'the nerve of this awful man with ugly eyebrows. abhorrent.' Matsuo is keeping an eye on him as the tension is rising and eventually.. 'wow my murder bf is about to fight my ex and while that's Hot that's not a good idea---' so he he cuts the conversation off like "well, i know who i've chosen--" wraps arm around Mogami's waist "--have a good life pining for your ex-wife" and like. leaves. bye.

or “have fun trying to fill the void left my your ex-wife for as long as you live”

Matsuo’s second marriage is probably to Ishiguro and purely for the money. but Ishiguro is gross and old and Matsuo was tired of waiting for him to die and took matters into his own hands. and ended up with a lot of money and no jail time.

idk what else. vague ideas kind of like. Mogam has a day of and Sargent goes to visit momgami in the hospital as a way to cover for Mogami going to do a hit. or doing a hit for Mogam so he can visit his mom. tru friends. 

the beginning aesthetic being like. tacky tropical beach and it changing into like. lavish but sleek spy-aesthetic by the end is funny to me. tropical pattern prints and speedos and petty drama and humar to dark clothes and a scar  and like. weirdly devoted and sexy dynamic. silly to serious. hilariously bad rom com to..  rich murder gays (NBC Hannibal stole my aesthetic)

im starting to fall asleep but ya this au was originally 100% shitpost and yet here. i am. thinking about it seriously.

[christianworldf]

New Post has been published on Christian Worldview Institute

New Post has been published on https://christianworldviewinstitute.com/bible-prophecies/end-time-events/book-of-daniel/daniel-7-1st-dream/lifeguarding-with-casey-neistat-and-kevin-hart/

Lifeguarding with Casey Neistat and Kevin Hart

Kevin Hart and YouTube Creator Casey Neistat take to the beach and join the Los Angeles County lifeguards in training to save lives.

KEVIN HART: WHAT THE FIT is an unscripted comedy starring Kevin Hart, now in its second season. In each episode, Kevin invites one of his celebrity friends to join him on a fun, fit journey, trying out unique and outrageous workouts from jousting like a medieval knight to batting practice with the Los Angeles Dodgers. Kevin and his friends hilariously push themselves out of their comfort zones on the way to getting fit.

FOLLOW THE FUNNY: Facebook▶ http://bit.ly/LOLNetwork-FB Twitter▶ http://bit.ly/LOLNetwork-TW Instagram▶ http://bit.ly/LOLNetwork-IG YouTube▶ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLRmIdRJgLfmdpJufmBhBuA Snapchat▶ LOLNetwork Official Website▶ http://www.laughoutloud.com

Laugh Out Loud is a comedy brand and multi-platform network founded by the world’s top comedian Kevin Hart. Through his network, Hart delivers his vision for the future of comedy: social, mobile, multicultural and seriously funny. From stand-up legends to globally-recognized digital influencers, Hart and LOL curate comedy’s boldest voices to produce original scripted and unscripted series, stand-up specials, live broadcasts and special events. Hart brings the groundbreaking social-first strategy that earned him 100 million+ followers to Laugh Out Loud, with one core mission: keep the world laughing. Dope Comedy. Delivered Daily. Always On. Always Loud. Directly from Kevin Hart and his hand-picked crew of comedic rockstars.

© MMXVIII LIONS GATE TELEVISION, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Executive Producers MATT KUNITZ PIP WELLS REBECCA SHUMSKY QUINN DAVID SHUMSKY MARK HARRIS JEFF CLANAGAN KEVIN HART

Co-Executive Producers MATT KAYE D. MAX PORIS

Hosted By KEVIN HART

Guest Starring CASEY NEISTAT

Directed By ALEX VAN WAGNER

Supervising Producer NARVIN RUSSAW

Line Producer LAURIE LEANNAH

Producers NICK ALARCON CANDICE C. WILSON

Comedy Producers HARRY RATCHFORD DAN RILEY

Editor SAMANTHA DIAMOND

Associate Director JASON EDWARDS

Stage Manager WOLFGANG DELGADO

Director of Photography TIM MURPHY

Production Manager MCKENZIE HANSON

Post Production Supervisor LINDSAY HEMPEL

Associate Producers DANA DIGIACINTO RYAN MCGEE MICHAEL A. ROWE

Story Associate Producer EMMA ALTMEYER

Camera Operators TOM CAREY IVAN DURAN ERIK HAMILTON NICKY SCHIAPPA MARQUES SMITH NICK TRAMONTANO

Steadicam SEAN FLANNERY

Lead Camera Assistant JEREMIAH THORNE

Camera Assistants VERLON ALLEN COREY COOPER DEANDRE GREEN WILL IM

Tech Supervisor ED DANIELIAN

Tech Department MIKE DELLAMONICA WALLACE L. DIXON DANIEL J. FERRIS

DIT LUIS HERNANDEZ

Audio Supervisor KENYATA WESTBROOK

Audio Mixers BRYAN DIAZ AARON LACHAPELLE ROBERT P. MATTHEWS JR.

A2 JORDAN DIAZ

Gaffer AJ TAYLOR

Best Boy DANNY VINCENT

Key Grip ROLAND MARTINEZ

Best Boy Grip MARVIN MEJIA

Electricians TIM RYAN

Grips CHRISTOPHER MARTIN WLADAMIR VELEZ

Lead Man KEVIN MINCIN

Set Dresser RILEY CRAPPER

Property Person KEVIN CAMPOY REGGIE DAVIS MASON REYNOLDS

Clearance Supervisor STEFANI NEWMAN

Production Accountant SHARON PACK

Payroll Accountant JULIE BERNARDS

Talent Producer ASHLEY RHORER

Talent Manager TRASK DONALDSON

Production Associate HANNAH HIGGINS

Wardrobe ASHLEY NORTH DARI ANN SETTEL

Makeup CARRI HAMILTON

Location Manager PATRICK THOMPSON

Key Assistant Location Manager AMIL FUENTES

Transportation Captain GUY MERRICK

Drivers IGNACIO ALVAREZ BEN BARSKY MIKE BELPEDIO CHRIS CLARK JEREMY COLEGROVE MICHAEL A. MORENO MICHAEL MERRICK JR. BILLY MEYERS FREDDY MORALES ART ORTIZ JEREMY RIORDAN

Set Medic JOHN B. AUSTIN

Craft Services BRENDON KWAK JUSTIN PARK

Lead Assistant Editor CHRIS HICKS

Assistant Editor MONELL VERTUS

Music Supervisor RICK KRIMBEL

Colorist TAL, C.S.I.

Online Editor JOSIAH COHEN

Re-Recording Mixer TERRANCE DWYER, C.A.S.

Talent Casting By JB TALENT

Executive in Charge of Talent KATY WALLIN, CSA, MYSTICART PICTURES

Director of Operations Talent, MysticArt Pictures JACK MARASH

Director of Talent, MysticArt Pictures ALLIE STONE

Music By KILLER TRACKS SIGNATURE TRACKS

Graphics By MIDNIGHT SHERPA

Production Assistants TIFFANY AYALA OLIVIA BONILLA KARINA DEUTSCH ANDREW DUGAN CHAD ELLIS SANNA HESHMATI BENJAMIN JENIFER SATHYA MIELE CHARLOTTE PETERS JHONNY ROLDAN KATE WATHALL

Special Thanks BLUEPRINT POST PRODUCTION BRUCE’S CATERING C-MOUNT INDSUTRIES COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES FIRE DEPARTMENT ILLUMINAR MIXERS POST SOUND SERVICES THE BOSCHETTI GROUP VER EQUIPMENT RENTALS source

[streetcornertwoam]

currently watching some different videos of hannah hart and right now watching a livestream thing she did for her book buffering, where she was signing copies and answering questions...fun stuff

ANYWAY...

so...it’s nearing the end of the video, and she read this question from a girl named becca (i’m assuming spelling lmao) from aurora, IL (which if you happen to know anything about me...I live in IL...and that’s only a few hrs away from me) so initially that was like really like ‘oh fun!’

but then...she read then question...

i’m gonna paraphrase it ‘cause i’ve had to pause the video and like...stop for a minute ‘cause shit got real fucking Quick lmao

basically just ‘what advice would you give to someone who has just come to terms with the fact that they’re bisexual and unsure if they’ll ever be able to come out’

like...Holy Fuck

it’s...too real right now lmao

admittedly I probably would have reacted this way regardless of where they live...but the fact that it’s somewhere so fucking near me is just like O.O

...and I mean like...I guess I’d say I’m ‘out’ like on here...but that’s different, ‘cause...no one really knows me on here (or talks to me lbr haha) so y’know...it is different

and like...I still kinda...pause when I’m talking aloud to myself and saying it

I mean...it’s not even been a year since I started thinking ‘i...might be bisexual’

I wish I could remember when the thought like first permeated my head, but I know it was sometime last yr...and probably in like...April-May

...and like the second it came up, I was like ‘DEAL WITH THIS ANOTHER DAY’

and just ignored it basically...and then like every few weeks, it’d kinda pop back up again...and then finally sometime during the summer...I was like...ok...let’s...look at my life and the facts and...think about this

and it still took me a few weeks, thinking about it off and on...but then after actually asking the advice of someone on here (anonymously of course lmao)...that...definitely helped

i still thought about it, but after that...i did feel more confident in saying it and knowing it to be true about myself

like...i’m 26 right now, and in a few weeks i’ll be 27...

it’s hard to change a perception you’ve held of yourself for so goddamn long, but...fuck i was so in denial about things

just a few weeks ago i was thinking about something and i was like ‘christ you should have realized when you were still in fucking high school dude’

but y’know...there were always guys...and y’know...ahaha...i definitely was never popular, i wasn’t and still wouldn’t consider myself an attractive person

so i mean...even the few guys that i went to HS with that i would maybe find attractive were all assholes anyway, so that totally ruined it

and i dated guys...i kissed...a lot of guys lol...like...just a lot

y’know and my last day of HS i started dating this guy i’d known like...since i was fucking 5 dude

and he was the first (and unfortunately so far only) person i’ve had sex with

and we dated for like... 3 1/2 yrs and then...long story short, he became a fucking ass and we broke up

(that’s not really what happened...i was terrible too...i was...yea i was a bad girlfriend...in the...manipulative way i guess i’d say now...i hate saying that...i hate knowing that i was like that...but...he wasn’t great either...we should have broken up long before we did...and i think that was a huge issue for us...but he still did some Fucked Up shit...and it’s been...4 yrs now??? and like...I still can’t think about him or anything without just...yea...i’m still not over it...i’m over him, but the situation? it’s all just so fucked...so like...probably not everything he did was entirely his fault...but...y’know...there were just...he lied about things...a lot...they were little things....but....they were lies nonetheless...and then when i’d days...weeks later find out the truth i’d obviously be Pissed...and then it’d be a big fight, and y’know i’m ‘overreacting’ and ‘this is why i didn’t tell you’ and blah blah blah’ LIKE NO OK...SO...for like...i don’t know...a week or two before I turned 21 I didn’t hear from him AT ALL...like...I had no fucking idea where he was...what he was doing...if we were still together...fucking Nothing...expected to hear from him on my birthday...Nothing...i was obviously initially pissed but I got hella fucking wasted and then it was whatever... and then like...i don’t know...another week or something went by...(i might be remembering this wrong...maybe it was like...a bit before my bday i didn’t...whatever anyway) basically i didn’t hear from him at all for like...2 weeks or some crazy shit and then one night I’m sitting in my room watching Torchwood (yea you bet I fucking remember this...it was the ep where Tosh and Jack go back in time and they meet the real Jack Harkness just fuck my shit up) anyway so I’m watching that and I hear the doorbell ring...and I just instantly Know. I don’t get up, I just keep watching the show...and then I hear a knock at my door...I don’t answer. Knocks keep coming....still don’t answer...(my door is locked but i don’t have a lock on my door...the way the knob is if you like...push it in and turn it it locks) so there’s a tiny little hole on the other side that you can push a very small screwdriver (or the stick of a dum-dum sucker lmao) into and you can unlock the door...so after a few minutes my door opens this way...and it’s Fucking Him...I just...like straight up ignored him and kept watching my show ‘cause like...you don’t talk to me for WEEKS...and then just show the fuck up?? fuck you (at this point we’d been dating for not even 3 yrs) anyway...eventually i have to pause the show and y’know what he fucking tells me? what he’s been doing? before we even started dating he had planned on going into the marines...like he signed some shit saying he was interesting or whatthefuckever i don’t remember what it was anymore...so keep in mind that was like..3 yrs ago almost....says...’so you remember when i was gonna go in the marines’ etc etc etc..basically...they like...got in contact with him (after all this fucking time????) and said that he was now recruited or whatever (i honestly don’t remember what he said...christ it’s been 4-5 yrs now) so he had been in Missouri doing training something or other...and like...i’m immediately fucking Suspicious...and he’s wearing a fucking marines t-shirt and has a lanyard like that’s Proof...and just...eventually it got ‘worked out’ and then it was just like...this thing that was gonna be happening...he was gonna in the next few months be leaving to go do that...and like...there’s even more to the story than just this...but...it’s such a fucking lie right??? but i was so goddamn desperate to keep him...like...that was my problem...i’d had boyfriends before, and like..only one that i would even say was vaguely as serious (and not even really ‘cause y’know...i was like 12 but...the feelings...and it was only for a few months but at the time...that was the most real) anyway...so y’know...first real serious honest to god we’re gonna get married boyfriend...first person i’d ever had sex with...huge thing....huge moment in my life...and...i didn’t want to lose this person...i put up with the most ridiculous shit ‘cause i didn’t want to be fucking alone...i ruined one of the best friendships i ever had ‘cause i never spent time with her...and just...would spend it with him...or wouldn’t hang out just in case i could ever see him (his parents were fucking...omg the actual worst) just..just...so much Bullshit

sorry that’s just all one big long fucking pile of shit right there lmao...if anyone actually reads that then...good on ya, but also im super sorry

so...then at the beginning of 2012...i’m single...and i was a fucking mess...like...he left (btw...not to join the marines...he just...like fucking left the state so y’know...super legit dude) and...i’m still not sure if it’s just...a coincidence or whatever, but like...immediately after that I got So Fucking Sick

like...i had the worst ear ache...like i was crying it hurt so bad, so finally had to go to the doctor...yea the ear infection i thought i had? turns out it was like a fucking terrible case of strep...like Awful...but my throat didn’t even hurt...it was just my ear...so that happened...

and for like...months i didn’t leave the house really...i mostly stayed in my room, i like...barely talked to my parents...it was...hard

and then summer came, and i went to the swim and golf club that my parents own (and which is now closed and i wish they could sell it) and i started hanging out there again...and i made new friends...and it was honestly? like the best summer...it was...so fucking great

there was this lifeguard...and he was just so cute, and I had the Biggest crush on him...but he was like 5-6 yrs younger than me lmao

like...I was so fucking pathetic...you could see the goddamn hearts in my eyes

and one of the reasons that i’m bringing this up is ‘cause...that first summer then...there was this girl that was also a lifeguard that I had ‘known’ sorta ‘cause she had grown up coming to the pool and had been friends with my sister and knew my mom and they were all really close and whatever...but i never really hung out up there so i didn’t know her...anyway...she had like...just come out to everyone as gay...it was a huge... (she was also like...a few yrs younger than me) and anyway...we eventually became like...Really Good friends

like...we talked a lot, and y’know...just hung out and shit...and...hahaha...i remember this one time...she said to me she’d like to just once take me out on a date...like...just a really nice proper date, and blah blah blah...and asked what my mom would think and i kinda laughed and said she probably wouldn’t care and asked if i would and i said ‘yea i definitely would we should!’ and it was just like...we were Cracking Up (we did that a lot....we both had super loud obnoxious laughs) and like...I was seriously really excited about this idea??? like i remember telling TJ (that was the cute lifeguard) Elaina (that’s the gay lifeguard lmao) is gonna take me on a date! like...I had  HUGE smile...and he kinda got wide eyed and was like ‘uhh...what?’ and I was like ‘no no no...just...’ and tried to explain it in such a way that was like...basically i was pulling the ‘no homo’ bullshit...

and i mean even looking back now, I didn’t have a thing for her...I really enjoyed her company, and I thought she was funny and fun to be around, but like...it was never like secret gay crush shit. but the fact that i was So Excited and interested about a girl taking me on a date??? like...fucking Hello Self

and then I got engaged to a few of the lifeguards lmao

...one of which happened to be another girl who I was like...kinda intimated by ‘cause she was just...like real quiet and I didn’t think she’d like me...and then we just started talking one day and got on really well

like...she made me a duct tape ring and everything...i think i still have it somewhere...and again...i don’t think i ever was like ‘fuck i think i really like her’ (but that could be ‘cause like everyone knew that TJ had had a Thing for her for a long time...so it was like...Awkward for me lmao) but she was really nice and very pretty

y’know...i’ve done this a lot throughout my life...which (i think?) it’s a fairly normal thing...but...y’know been ‘engaged’ or ‘married’ to different friends of mine that were girls y’know...and i just...never thought into that much or anything...and i don’t know if that’s ‘cause there really was never any sort of attraction or just because i was just so in denial about things that i just...didn’t let myself think about it...i really don’t know

the first time that i can remember thinking about another girl that i ‘knew’ i was like...18-19...and it was when i was really involved on twitter lol...and i made lots of new friends all over the world and it was honestly one of the best times of my life

...and i remember...lmao...’cause our initial bonding thing was over craig ferguson, and that’s how i was introduced into fanfiction and all that stuff...and i eventually wrote some (absolutely Dreadful) fics...and anyway...one of them...AHAHAHAHHA christ this is embarrassing...

one of them...I uh...wrote about me and this friend of mine...and uh...well...anyone remember the movie Hot Tub Time Machine? yea basically...that’s where i got my idea...we got into a hot tub...went back in time...to...sometime in craig’s past (i fucking wish this wasn’t true...but it so embarrassingly is) and uh...we had sex...the three of us...

....yeaaaaaaa

and like...it was...mainly just...basically we didn’t do much sexual things to/with each other...but we...did kiss at least i remember...and...something else, i can’t remember what lmao...and like...i remember being So Embarrassed writing this thing (she knew all about this btw...i mean I fucking posted it for everyone to see on the website they created for him...i think it’s all still up and if I wanted to i could go and find it but I’m definitely Not doing that) and like...I don’t honestly even know how or WHY i was like ‘I should write about you and I going back in time and having a threesome with Craig Ferguson’ like...i could have made it just me...or just...anyone else...but the fact that it was fucking self insert....with another girl...who was a good friend of mine at the time...

OH YOU KNOW WHAT...I...might have decided to do it ‘cause...ahahhah...she ended up in a dream of mine...her and Craig...and...did we kiss? fuck I don’t remember, but I remember her and Craig in the dream...and kisses were exchanged but I don’t remember with who or whatever...it’s been so many years...anyway

and y’know...she was (still is) a very pretty lady...she was a couple yrs older than me...and we talked a lot about real things...and she gave me advice on things...and, lol...she actually taught me some German words and stuff (she was German herself) and uh...she would like...help me learn how to say things correctly...we never got real far or anything, but it was fun...and I think I was probably...a little bit attracted to her...yea

but...y’know I was again...18-19...I had a boyfriend...it was...there was a lot of New Things

...actually by the time this all happened I was probably at least 20...but still

and then I eventually after a few yrs...was able to be like ‘oh this celebrity lady is really pretty’

‘cause oh yea...i also was that person that was like ‘i can’t say if another girl is pretty/cute/hot/whatever ‘cause that’s gay’ so...sorry about that lmao

and i eventually got over that...and then i was more comfortable with saying so and so is really pretty

and then...Billie Piper happened...oh that beautiful lady

and then it was ‘oh i have a girl crush on billie haha’

and then karen gillan with those ‘legs that go on for miles’ that’s an actual thing I used to say about her All The Fucking Time

i shit you fucking not

but nope...still just a total hetero girl crush....

and there have been various and many others...

(i’m skipping A LOT of other little things that are like ‘dude...you’re at least a bit attracted to girls...you’ve watched videos on youtube of girls hardcore making out and gotten off to it...you were like 15 then dude...accept it’)

so...there’s that

...and loads of other things

wow this...really went off the rails lmao

if anyone fucking reads this whole thing you deserve a goddamn medal ‘cause holy shit is a fuckton of embarrassing shit

but...i honestly feel better getting it off my chest

...i still don’t know if/when i’ll be able to totally come out to my family/people i know in RL as bi but i hope that the day does eventually come...

i had thought the other day about how...i really maybe should wait til my grandma passes ‘cause...well, there’s lot of stuff there (she’s great and i love her so much but she’s very much a church lady and gays go to hell and she’s still sure that my uncle who was gay is there and it’s upsetting to her and etc)

but like...i hate to have to hide this from her, but...i don’t know it’s hard and confusing

which is another reason why I’d like to as I said the other day get a tattoo of a violet on like the inside of my forearm...just..a little something for me that i can look at and know...and then...eventually work on telling people

(funny how i was thinking last yr during coming out month and all that stuff like ‘oh maybe i can do this next yr’ HA! good joke self...that...probably won’t happen)

so yea...anyway it’s probably time that i finally wrap this shit up

seriously if any of you read this...well fucking done, i’m sorry i’m such a mess and type like shit

[wilsonsdead]

@miss-minnelli tagged me in this!! thank u! i love these! u seem really cool and I am honored I’m the worst and can’t initiate conversation ever but come talk to me any time!!!

Rules: tag 9 people you want to know better

How old are you?                                                                                                 16 lol im a kid 

What’s your current job?                                                                                         school and anxiety is my job tbh I wish i could handle more but. I was a lifeguard this summer but I had to quit (to train for the Charles which still doesn’t seem like a real thing that I did??!!) I’m gonna apply at a paint your own pottery place this summer though! which is entirely the sorta vibe I want to have

What are you talented at?                                                                                       I’m a really good writer honestly I really really don’t write enough but I know I’m good. I’m also good at the piano and rowing and loving people 

What is a big goal you are working toward (or have already achieved)?             Ok one I’ve achieved! that i’m so proud of is I figured out a school situation with accommodations that is working really well for me and I finished the semester with a 4.0 and I feel like I’m doing well and learning things for the first time ever! And one I’m working towards is accepting chaos and not trying to fight my natural way of doing things because it actually works for me

What’s your aesthetic?                                                                                       umm lots of dark blues and reds and grays. messy handwriting in black ink. M. R. Carey’s novels. messy chin length hair and freckles but not the cute ones around your nose, the ones all over that look like paint splatters. the videos about dogs that really love their owners that my grandma emails me.

Do you collect anything?                                                                                       Those really awful tourist t-shirts that are like “advice from a (nature/animal found in said place)” I also have a small collection of little action figures I’ve bought from a kid in my neighborhood who sells them for spare change

What’s a topic you always talk about?                                                                 My friends! I love them and i like to talk about it. Also Kate McKinnon/Ghostbusters because I am garbage. Also crew. Probably too much about crew. I just frickin love boats man

What’s a pet peeve of yours?                                                                               People who get really angry about politics and yell about it a lot but don’t ever actually do anything to make a difference. Also people who leave the Bluetooth turned on on their phone

Good advice to give?                                                                                             You don’t have to follow a mainstream path. Even though it seems like the only way because it’s what everyone else is doing, there’s nothing that says you have to.                                                                                                                  If you felt completely alien and weird and ostracized as a kid you’re probably gonna grow up to be really cool and loved.

What are three songs you’d recommend?                                                           Whiskey - Marian Hill                                                                                             Can’t Play Dead - The Heavy                                                                                   Gold - Sir Sly

I, again, am the worst and I’m not gonna follow the rules because honestly tagging 9 people scares me? im gonna tag @eeh-lahn-ah and @recycledstarlight because while I already know them, I love them dearly and I’m also tagging anyone who wants to do this! Do it and say I tagged you i love learning about people