#im thinking until the end of summer
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still cant decide whether i should just fail my eng class or not ://
#personally i dont care#i can fail it it doesnt matter to me#buuuut... im trying to figure out if i can get away w it..#or if it'll create issues for me#maybe i can fail it nd not say anything#nd only tell her if she brings it up and then i can explain it away#nd then i can fail it and put it out of my mind#and just keep going w my two classes for now#im thinking until the end of summer#then my hopes are to apply for a loan nd finish up my classes on distance#(but i will do it in class if they remove distance classes which they say they will)#and then apply for a program and get an education then a job#i thiiink thats possible#but yeah im mostly worried that if i fail#the school will suspend me from my other classes and my social worker will say that i cant be approved for wellfare skskks#but if that doesnt happen then idc!!! nd im ok w failing this class...#im just worried bc i gotta sit nd ruminate nd see if i can connect all the dots nd figure it out#idk if it can work....#ughhh sighhhh maybe i can make it work like that#then i dont have to be so fkn stressed rn
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anybody else out there lonely right now? anybody want to tell me all about something that makes them happy? like just give me an entire essay on something you really love? ;;
#mole talks#discord: iwakuraz#this is a long shot but i'd really love to take my mind off everything#im shy and awkward and terrible at talking but i love human connection and the power of friendship and sparkles and yay!!!#and also ask box and dms and etc are there too ........#:3 ? please im going back to school tomorrow i only have a few hours left#until summer ends and stuff#i really want to stop thinking about this. you can talk to me about ANYTHING apart from school#school is lame and dumb and bad and etc
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Sleepy Experiments
It is officially lee!George week! :D I'm so excited I finally got to do something like this - I've had this idea since @fluffallamaful did an incredible lee!Dream MONTH last June, and truthfully I've wanted to do this since last August but....better late than never, right? 😇 I also wanna just thank @awkwardtickleetoo for helping me with everything - prompts, ideas, proof reading, etc. Cal is literally there for me always and Im so grateful for him, he truly is my lil knight ):
day 1 - soft tickles / prompts found here!
(lee!George / ler!Dream : 3.8K words)
“Dream! Stohop!” George was met with yet another poke to his side, jerking his body to the left to escape Dream’s finger. He let out a sigh in fake frustration, fully aware that Dream was bound to become bored as they’d been attempting to nap with no success for a little while now. George had almost drifted to sleep multiple times, but every single time he did, he was met with a poke from the restless blonde boy.
“George! I cahan’t!” The elder couldn’t help but giggle at the mocking as Dream leaned his cheek against his right palm, elbow propped onto the bed beside him while he wiggled his free pointer finger in the air in front of George’s face to tease him. The brunette quickly swatted it away, making Dream let out a huff of amused air through his nose before making a move to poke George again. “Just a little!”
“Nohoho! Leave mehehe alone!”
“Come on, Georgie, please? I promise I’ll be reaaaaally gentle. And maybe it’ll help me sleep!” Dream stuck out his bottom lip as far as it would go as he held out his words, the pout matching the puppy dog eyes he was using to melt the Brit. George let his head fall back onto the pillow beneath him, letting out a groan and bringing his right arm up to cover his eyes to prevent him from seeing how closely Dream was focusing on him.
“I- I mean- why? Just- …ugh, fine.” George winced when Dream let out a squeal of excitement, dropping his arm back against the blankets and cracking an eye open to see Dream quickly push himself into a kneeling position beside him. “You have to be so gentle though, Dream! I mean it! One wrong move and you’re done.”
“I promise to be so gentle!” The blonde smiled at the warning, tapping George’s thigh twice before continuing. “Do you mind turning over for me, George?”
George felt his cheeks fill with warmth, nodding his head with a quiet whine as he adjusted himself to lay on his tummy. He felt the familiar weight of the younger boy settling on the back of his thighs, jumping slightly when Dream hooked two fingers under his shirt and began revealing the pale skin beneath it. He felt goosebumps spread across the expanse of his back as the cool air blanketed every inch of it, making him squirm slightly with a shiver and growling at Dream when he giggled at the involuntary movement.
“Do you really have to lift my shirt up for this?” His voice was more high pitched than he expected it to be and swallowed thickly, looking over his shoulder at Dream and coughing slightly to adjust it back to the normal tone. “I mean, it seems a bit excessive.”
Dream let out a scoff at the passive protest, tilting his head slightly to the right when he saw the tips of George’s ears turning a light pink. He chuckled as he continued to slowly drag the black T-shirt up until it was sitting just below the bottom of his shoulder blades. George felt the fabric glide lightly across his skin when Dream released his grip, making him squirm briefly at the soft tickly feeling.
“Oh George, if that bothered you, how are you gonna handle the actual tickles?” Dream cooed, smiling as the smaller boy began to squirm a little more at the thought of the soft tickles that awaited him. Dream swiped a pointer finger just below both his shoulder blades and chuckled when the smaller boy screeched, pushing his face into the pillow and muffling a nervous giggle that he couldn’t keep in any longer.
“Wahatch it! I can stop this right now, you know!” George threatened as he adjusted his arms, folding them underneath the pillow before laying his head back down against the soft fabric.
“What?! No! Please don’t!” The tone of his voice sent a small dagger into George’s chest, melting him instantly. He knew that Dream was fully joking, but the fake hurt in the younger’s voice made George want to let Dream tickle him forever.
“I…I won’t,” He sighed in defeat. “Just…be careful, okay?”
George was met with a small chuckle in response, giggling himself when he felt Dream’s fingers touch down just under his shoulder blades and wiggle lightly against the warm skin there. He twisted his fists up into the pillowcase, squeezing the fabric between his fingers in an attempt to keep his arms raised.
Dream continued to softly skitter his fingers over George’s back, spreading his hands further apart to trail up and down the sides of his spine. He arched into the bed as Dream’s right pointer finger traced back up his spine and between his shoulder blades, giggling harder and kicking his feet against the covers a few times to relieve some of the tickly energy that was coursing through his body.
“You’re cute when you’re all squirmy like this.” The blonde stated, no teasing tone to be found in his voice. This only further proved to fluster George as his face grew hotter, making him turn to fully bury his face into the pillow.
“Shuhut up!” George’s giggles were quickly morphed to cackles as Dream used both pointer fingers to walk under his shirt, scratching lightly at the sides of his armpits and following George whichever way he twisted.
“It’s the truth! What am I supposed to do, lie to you?” Dream giggled from his spot on George’s thighs, flattening his palms and dragging them slowly down before spidering his fingers along the boy’s lower back. The brunette jumped in surprise at the sudden tickling, giggling harder and visibly struggling more and more the longer Dream focused there.
“Ahaha, please! I- Dreheheam! Gehehentle, plehease!”
“Thihis is gentle! I’m not sure I could get any more gentle if I tried!” Despite his rebuttal, Dream pressed his palms down again into the pink skin of George’s lower back and began rubbing to help soothe the tingly feeling.
“Thahahank you!” George’s laughter was slowly calming down, the pitch raised into tiny squeaks but becoming less frequent as the time passed. Dream felt his own cheeks filling with heat at the reply, rarely experiencing that level of politeness from the Brit. He leaned his body slightly to the left to look at George, feeling his stomach fill with butterflies at how wide his smile was, and how happy he looked with his eyes squeezed and nose scrunched.
“Anything for you, my little prince.” He was met with a high pitched whine followed by chirpy giggles, making Dream’s tiny grin grow into a full blown toothy grin.
After sitting back on George’s thighs again, adjusting himself to balance comfortably, Dream used his pointer and middle fingers from both hands and slowly walked them up George’s back, pressing in and wiggling slightly as they continued their journey from his lower back to just under his shoulder blades once more.
“I didn’t realize how sensitive your back was, Georgie. And here I am, just thinking I was the only one cursed with this weakness!” He continued to speak as he made little swirls with his fingers on the sides of George’s back, careful to not tickle too much over his back ribs in fear of disturbing the smaller boy’s state of sleepy bliss he was caught in. “I hope you know I’ll remember this.”
“Whahahatever!” The brunette exclaimed, wiggling slightly as the soft tickling continued under his shirt and around his shoulder blades. He scrunched his shoulders up as high as they would go, shaking his head back and forth as tickly circles were drawn around the sensitive bones of his upper back, hugging the pillow as tightly as he could as a source of comfort.
The younger boy hummed in response, a smile clear in the tone as he removed his hands from under the shirt and made his way back down to the dimples of George’s back, tracing and skittering all ten of his fingers as he went. As much as he loved the sound of George’s cackling, squealing and giggling, he didn’t want to tire the boy out too soon. After another minute of gentle tickles around the sides of his lower back, Dream flattened his palms again and began to rub the entirety of George’s back, helping to calm him and work him through the giggles that continued to pour from him.
Dream eventually made his way to George’s shoulders, helping relax them back down from being pressed up against his ears. He used his hands to squeeze the muscles there every few seconds, giving George a gentle massage as his giggles slowly dissolved. The blonde noticed how small George looked beneath him, his hands completely engulfing his shoulders and making Dream let out a chuckle at how tiny he actually was. George let out a contented sigh, ignoring the giggle and turning his head to lay his cheek on the blankets comfortably, closing his eyes just moments later. George could feel himself drifting off to sleep when suddenly his eyes shot open, Dream’s hands having moved closer to his neck and sending a horribly tickly sensation to his nerves.
“Wait, whahat?! Nohoho!” The elder scrunched his shoulders up and attempted to block the sensitive muscle where his shoulders and base of his neck met, clearly surprised at how much it affected him.
“Awh, what’s wrong, sweetheart, does someone have a sensitive neck?”
“You knohohow I do!”
The brunette buried his head into the blankets below him once again as he let out a squeal, feeling Dream’s fingers walking up the sides of his neck until he was directly under his ears on both sides. He began to gently flutter his fingers in the hypersensitive area, giggling to himself when George’s laughter rose in pitch until it was nothing but bright chirps and loud squeaks.
“Listen to you, George! You’re like a little bird!” The older boy groaned through his giggles at the comment, not knowing whether to take it as a compliment or an insult. He didn’t have much time to dwell on that though as a tiny raspberry was suddenly placed below his right ear, making him screech and attempt to bring up his shoulder again. Unfortunately for George, Dream’s chin blocked it and another small raspberry was placed in the same spot.
“NAHAHA P-PLEHEASE! G-Gehehentle, Dream!”
The skitters against his skin turned into gentle rubs, taming George’s giggles almost instantly and allowing him to relax back into the touch.
“I know, I know. I just can’t help myself, George. You’re too cute when you get all scrunchy.” Dream giggled at his own words as he watched George melt into the blankets beneath him. He moved his pointer fingers to swipe at the shell of George’s ear to hear him squeal again before rubbing the ghost tickles out immediately after the action.
“W-Well, you’re ahahan idiot!”
“Maybe, but I’m your idiot. So that makes up for it, right?”
George could hear the smirk in Dream’s voice and refused to answer out of spite, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing the stupid remark had made me smile, too. After a few more minutes of Dream soothingly rubbing over George’s shoulders, he tapped on the smaller boy’s back a few times to get his attention.
“Is it okay if you turn onto your back for me? I wanna try something else.” The blonde was met with a small whine in response, but lifted himself slightly off of George’s thighs when Dream felt him begin to turn over anyway. Dream’s grin only grew when George flashed him a death glare, watching as he flopped himself down onto his back with an eye roll.
“There. Happy?”
Dream raised an eyebrow at the question as he looked George’s torso up and down, shaking his head slightly in disapproval as he lowered himself back onto George’s thighs. His eyes were glued to George’s shirt, which had fallen back down to cover his tummy as the smaller boy maneuvered himself just seconds before.
“I would be, but you messed up your shirt! Now I have to pull it up again.” Dream sighed in feigned annoyance. He made sure to meet George’s gaze as he slowly began to push his shirt up once again, this time stopping at the middle of his ribs and dragging his fingers down his sides once he was satisfied with the amount of tummy exposed. The brunette writhed with a high pitched giggle at the tracing on his sides, bringing his hands up to hide his face out of embarrassment.
Dream slowly skittered his fingers lightly over George’s lower tummy, feeling the smaller boy squirm a little more than he had been as he kicked his feet pathetically against the bed behind him. The blonde used his pointer fingers to continue to trace up and down the sides of George’s tummy, listening to the many different types of giggles it produced while George continued to squirm. The elder did his best to try and allow the tickling, stopping his hands every time they moved from his face to try and grab Dream’s hands on instinct.
“Do you know you scrunch your nose sometimes when you laugh?” Dream commented nonchalantly, making the blush from George’s cheeks spread to the tips of his ears and down the front of his neck.
“I dohohn’t!”
“And you blush like crazy. Right now you’re like a little rose, your cheeks are so red! It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen! My little blushy baby.”
“SHUT UHUHP!” George removed his hands from the safety of his own face and lunged forward, trying his best to clamp them over Dream’s mouth but squealing when his wrists were scooped up into one of the blonde’s big hands instead.
“Oh, you want me to tickle your palms? You could’ve just asked, gorgeous!” Dream brought his chin down and began to lightly drag his beard over George’s palms, making him break out into bright cackles as he threw his head back.
“N-Nahaha please! Nohohot there!”
Dream knew that George had extremely sensitive palms, but also knew they worked incredibly well as melt spots when done correctly. Dream continued to slowly drag his chin back and forth over George’s hands until he felt the small fingers relax against his own cheeks, smiling and letting George press his fingers into them as he giggled along with the elder.
“Dreheheam!”
The blonde could tell that George was getting embarrassed, giggling quietly as he watched him squeeze his eyes shut while he attempted to hide his face into one of his shoulders. Dream decided to take pity on him, smile wide as he pulled back slightly to stop the tickling.
“Okahay, okay. I guess I’m done experimenting....” Dream spoke with fake disappointment as moved his chin from its place hovering over George’s hands, holding them in his own and using both of thumbs to rub against George’s to help calm him.
“Thahahank God.” He dropped his head back down against the pillow as he closed his eyes with a contented sigh, intending on allowing the rest of the giggles to run their course while he attempted to relax again. Dream raised an eyebrow at that, taking it as a small challenge and smirking when a new plan formed in his head.
“But actually, you know what? Maybe not!” Dream spoke suddenly, fingers releasing George’s hands and allowing both of his own to fall down to rest on the tops of his thighs.
“Wahahait, why?!” George felt a slight panic at the idea of more tickles after everything he’d already been put through, bringing his hands back to himself and crossing both arms over his torso for protection.
“I just realized I never got your poor little feet! How could I forget them, they need just as much attention as the rest of you, don’t they?”
“What?! Nohoho! We- We’re supposed tohoho be nahahapping!” George was quick to protest, launching his hands forward and gripping onto Dream’s wrists as tight as he could to keep him in place. Dream’s grin grew wider at that reaction, getting the desired results and deciding to continue the teasing.
“I could even do that thing you like so much!” Dream flashed him a smile as he ignored George’s words, only interested in continuing the topic he had introduced. George knew by asking he would only get more flustered, but he was too curious and too stubborn to allow Dream to get away with gatekeeping whatever thought he was currently having at his own expense.
“...What thing…?” He was hesitant, his voice wavering when the question finally spilled out moments later. The blonde giggled brightly at that, pulling at his arms a little to feel that George still had a tight grasp on them.
“Well,” Dream began to explain, shrugging his shoulders as he thought for a moment before continuing. “You know that thing. The shoe thing! The one where I take one off and leave one on?”
“Dre- NMM HMM?!” George opened his mouth to speak, but Dream was quick to break out of the smaller boy’s grip, placing a hand over his mouth to muffle the protests as he continued.
“To be gentle, of course! Not for any other reason. And then I’d take the one sock off, too. And I’d leave the other foot alone, still protected. Isn’t that nice of me, only focusing on one foot instead of two?”
George let go of the wrist he still was holding and grabbed the hand over his mouth, pulling it off and flinging it away from himself as far as Dream would let it go. He quickly brought his arms up and flung them over his face once again as he felt his cheeks grow hotter by the second. George was shaking his head quickly, not saying anything verbally out of fear his voice would sound small and weak from how flustered he was.
“You can relax, I’m just teasing. That’s a little too intense for you for it to be considered gentle, isn’t it, sweetheart? You’re just too ticklish and too flustered, huh?”
“What?! Dream, just- whahatever, shut up!” George whined behind his arms, letting out a small hiccup in surprise when Dream gripped his elbows and lowered his arms to reveal his face. He opened his eyes and was met with bright green ones staring back, rolling his own and pushing at Dream’s chest to move him back slightly.
“Alrihight, angel, I’m done tormenting you…for now.” The blonde adjusted himself from straddling George’s thighs to kneeling next to him again, this time pressing his knees against George’s side in an attempt to stay connected.
“More like forever.” George made a move to sit up as he mumbled under his breath, pushing himself up onto his elbows only to fall back against the bed suddenly when he felt rapid squeezes digging into his inner thighs. He let out a wail and thrashed around frantically, his legs kicking out and arms flailing in every direction.
“NAHAHAHA! D-DREHEHEHEAM NOHOHO!” One of George’s hands gripped tightly into the comforter below him, pulling at it and trying his best to keep his arms to himself in an attempt to save himself from slapping Dream and making the tickling far worse than it already was.
The pinching stopped as quickly as it had started, allowing George to take in deep gulps of air as he continued to laugh himself silly. He pressed his knees together as he turned to the left side, curling in on himself and bringing a hand down to wedge between his inner thighs in an attempt to tame the ghost tickles that were still flowing throughout his legs. His free hand was covering the side of his face that was visible to Dream, attempting to keep the blonde from seeing George’s rapidly growing blush.
“I’m sorry, but I had to! You were getting cocky with me,” The blonde giggled, stretching his left arm out and placing it on the smaller boy’s arm and rubbing it soothingly to try and help calm his nerves. He let out a bright giggle when George jolted at the sudden touch, clearly anticipating more tickles. Dream moved his hand up George’s arm and into the older boy’s hair, gently ruffling it. “But it was only for a second! I promise I’m done now, baby.”
“Ohohonly a second?! It’s my thighs, Dreheheam! You know how they are!” George rolled his eyes as he moved his hand to reveal his face, barely meeting Dream’s gaze. He felt a chill run down his spine as soon as the words passed his lips, noticing the flame they ignited in Dream’s eyes as he stared down at him with a smirk.
“Oh yeah? Do I know how they are, Georgie?” The brunette squirmed at the words, moving to cover his face once again to hide himself from Dream.
“Yes!” George spat back in annoyance, feeling his face heat up once again at the teasing tone in the younger boy’s voice. George felt the bed dip and suddenly he felt lips against the shell of his ear, barely grazing it and causing him to yelp. He made a move to cover the spot with his hand instead, but Dream had anticipated this and was quick to lightly grip George’s wrist, keeping it where it was against his blushy cheek.
“Hmmm…maybe I do. But don’t worry! We can explore that another day, just to make sure I really know,” Dream purred into his ear, making George let out a high pitched whine from the sudden closeness of the blonde. “Preferably on a day where I’m feeling particularly cruel. Does that sound good, kitten?”
Dream released his grip on the tiny wrist in his hand, chuckling when the brunette scrambled to sit up while the blonde made a move to crawl to the edge of the bed. George could do nothing but watch with wide eyes as the younger boy stood up, making his way towards the door with a mischievous look on his face; like he was immediately planning George’s demise.
“W-What about our nap?”
“How could I possibly sleep now when I have, like, ten different ideas on how to absolutely wreck you floating around in my head? I’ll nap later.” Dream turned around one last time to flash him a teasy smile before exiting the bedroom and disappearing down the hallway, leaving George bright faced and breathless, anxiously sitting with the many questions that swirled through his mind of what Dream could possibly do to further tear him into ticklish little shreds.
#lee!george#ler!dream#YAAAAY ITS FINALLY HERE#this took forever to write but......i think im happy with it#this also may have been heavily aimed at a certain talented puppy we all know and love and adore#i waited until cal read this to post it bc i wanted to see his reaction and let me tell u#cutest hecking thing i stg#lets also thank cal for coming up with prompts with me and listening to me whine about this for months on end#and thank u to llama for doing the lee!dream event and giving me this idea in the first place!!!#and my bb mouse for reading this a few times during the writing process to tell me if it flows or not!!!!!#and summer for absolutely hyping the shit out of this#i will cry tbh i love my frens so much im just so excited ):#and thank u literally everyone who participates or interacts or reads or just silently lurks#like.......this is so cool what to hecc#mushie fics#mcyt tickle#my stuff#mushies lee!george week
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oh wow i've been in the coffin for quite a while when it comes to posting,,,
and i had told myself i would this summer! how funny, i suppose im just used to not being perceived...
#i think some rainy art would be since compensation...#though i have a feeling wally art would be more regarded#its been a while since i've looked at the site actually!#i should probably look at it before the summer ends!#i am sorry to admit it... but i am lazy...#i've been religiously playing dress to impress and bee swarm simulator...#sigh#i cannot help it#i like bees#fish thoughts#I WAS SUPPOSED TO WORK ON REM TOO#BLAST IT.#i think thats a project im not really going to be able to do until i have a place of my own#i don't want to say much but i really do think id find my success if i was on my own#hopefully by the next year or two ill be able to!#in the meantime. ill probably try to post more
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call me an optimist but I REALLY don't think a level 5 vision will happen as late as august, im a bit doubtful about june but I think july would be more likely
#bram.txt.exe#im really only basing this off of vibes alone ngl#and if they have it in august then damn thats a fantastic birthday gift#but i have the feeling that they just needed a LITTLE bit more time than the spring release window#I don't think they'll hold off until the tail-end of summer
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"wataru mmmgn is one of ur fave characters??" have u seen him?? he is 5 and likes candy and his friends :)
#what they did to him in the manga has me like tip! i am so fucking pissed#hes just a little guy that says nora~ after everything. how can u be mean to him.#thats my son im signing the adoption papers since sanrio cant take care of him#thats official art btw. i want it on a kanbadge so bad#also it took me until this summer to realize hes one of the eyes always closed characters hes just like tenshi for real (no)#well.... maybe.#i think everyone knows rinrin is my major fave mmmgn chara but wataru is the easy second#no contest. wataru.#anyway im NOT ready for the manga ending
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the urge to get my hair cut like kris’ used to be like is strong at the moment
#kris guštin#Unfortunately I think my face looks too pudgy(? Is that the word I’m looking for) so I wouldn’t look very good with it#I think the shorter my hair is the more round my face looks and my parents have both said that isn’t a good look on me#Also Im back at school so if it ends up looking like shit cause my hairdresser isn’t great I will be bullied and won’t be able to grow it o#So if I’m going to do it I’ll have to wait until next summer#Only like ten months away 😭
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okay so i am once again in a bit of a pickle due to the fact that i never learn from my mistakes :)
#there's this guy at work that i kind of fancy right?#not the guy from a couple of years ago this is another one and tbh i like him way more like we really vibe#and a couple of months ago we kind of started flirting as a joke? like at first it wasn't even flirting we just paid each other compliments#but it. kind of got out of hand? like now we're DEFINITELY flirting and we hug every time we see each other and so on#and like today he kind of asked me out?? like he asked when we're gonna go out and i generically said whenever he wants so uhhh#i bought some time but also i basically said yes OOPS#like ive been thinking i need to chill and slow this down until i figure it out but then i apparently can't stop running my fucking mouthhhh#the thing is. before the summer i did this whole thing to kind of reconnect w my ex#and things seemed to kind of work even though we didn't get together and also she's gonna be out of town for at least another year#but it's not like i have any certainty that when she comes back we're gonna get back together or anything#it's just. she's the love of my life and half the time i think there's no point in dating other people#and then the other half i think i really need to get over it#but the thing is i really care about this guy. i don't want to end up hurting him at all which is probably gonna happen if i keep doing this#I ALWAYS DO THISSSSSS#I ALWAYS JOKINGLY FLIRT W PEOPLE AND THEN IT GETS REAL AND IM OH SHIT NVM DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT
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how is it only tuesday 😭😭
#GUYS i cannot do this five days a week until summer’s end what the fuck. this is just way too much time to spend in one place#personal#the engineering chronicles#<- leigh joins the corporate world edition!!#also i have yet to find an appropriate pair of shoes that fits me which is definitely contributing to how horrifically long the days#feel. going shoe shopping tmrw hopefully so maybe after that it will be okay </3#i somehow left all of my nice shoes that fit me at home apparently the only dressy shoes i have at my apartment are a pair of wedges that i#have affectionately dubbed my wood chipper shoes bc every time i wear them longer than an hour i want to throw them in a wood#chipper. obviously. anyway it turns out those aren’t allowed at my workplace bc only flat shoes are allowed. so then today my roommate#lent me a pair of her flats to wear instead but i think they are miraculously even worse than the wood chipper shoes. like the wood chipper#shoes Fit me technically it’s just the back of them are v stiff and never fail to tear up the back of my feet and also they’re raised#higher than is comfortable to wear for an hour let alone an entire day. but these just don’t fit at all my roommate told me they’re an 8 but#im 90% sure they’re actually a 7 based on a.) how swollen my toes are and b.) the WMS 7 that’s printed on the side of them. so. those#aren’t doing it for me either. idk what to wear tmrw 😭
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ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do
#purrs#i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life#situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to#drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a#stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well.#i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i#am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone#and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good.#delete later#that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd#this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be#neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority#and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol.#24 year old dependent moment <3#well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will#never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰#side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester#starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like#this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it#would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or#anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol#well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3
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i have the temperament of a very nervous and aged little dog. generally cheery and glad to go on walks and to see people but will soon perish from the sheer stress of alla that
#i took part in this summer course in finland right? i havent talked about it much but it also feels like i cant shut up about it#anyway so it was 3 weeks long i had 3 teachers and was evaluated on 3 criteria#being writing speaking and class participation#and by the last week ive had so much of constant interaction and stuff that i couldnt really even speak on monday#and tuesday was the last day when i was evaluated#and i was just generally away with the fairies by the end of the second week#and i got a 5 for both speaking and writing and only a 4 for socialising and my main teacher told me that it just seemed like i was living#in my own little world. AND HERES THE CATCH. she said. living in my own world THE WHOLE TIME#come on i was trying so hard. for like a week and a half. but i was!!! and i was going strong until those last two days#anyway diagnosed with weirdgirl syndrome at first glance. (in finland!)#ok so what was my point. oh yeah im so nervous but so so hopeful also#my post#(she told me that in finnish btw and i understood it which is soso cool i think)#(something else thats cool is how finnish people say kiitos. they kind of say kiiidoOOS raising their tone and all and with a d i like it)
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Bitches be like “I’ve spent so long chasing after this person that it’s time I move on and fall in love with someone else” and it’s literally the exact same person
#I HATE THIS SHOW SO MUCH#*binges season 5*#no new episodes until mid June I think I will implode#‘you’re not listening marionette’ STOP STOP IM ALREADY DEAD#AGHHHHHHHHHHH#And then they make an episode that’s more serious and gets into marionettes trauma and why she has a hard time sharing her feeling#while simultaneously undermining so many other characters and contains 50 plot holes#like first of all. justice for Kim homeboy would NOT act like that ad he found out he hurt marionette I’m sorry but that was uncalled for#and also you can’t just de transform and immedietly re transform when you use the power of the miraculous???? you have to feed tiki first???#bruh this is season 5 how did you let that slip????#and LUKA 💖🤩❤️🫡😤😍🏆🥰#I’m so sad he’s dipping for now but GOD that episode was good#I WISH he got a moment alone with adrien after the reveal but the little glance at the end???? I’m on the floor I can’t take it#ANYWAY#I’ve been watching this show since the summer before sophmore year of high school#and it’s currently the summer before my 5th year of colleg#I’ve waited so long for this I am EATING UP literally every interaction between marionette and adrien#‘I can’t do it yet’ ‘it’s ok we have time’ BITCH I DONT#ITS BEEN 7 YEARS FUCKING KISS ALREADY#GOD#I’m going to be insufferable when the movie comes out this summer apologies in advance
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the summer warmth and the breeze that gently caresses my face and arms feels nostalgic today....
#im going to miss this. because August ends in a week 💔💔💔💔💔#and we barely had any sun this summer just rain rain rain 😭😭😭😭 it was atumn weather until like 2 weeks ago#*autumn#i think im gonna go to a park later on today....
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the torture of remembering the contents of a fic but not the title or the author and also it was deleted and so u will never get to read your favorite fic again
the torture of scouring ffn and ao3 in the vain hope that maybe it was reposted and clicking on anything vaguely similar only to be disappointed every time
the torture of loving something so much that is gone forever
#this hp fic i had in my bookmarks on my PHONE#not even ffn or ao3#straight up the bookmarks on my phone#that was just labeled 'harry dies'#which was true#but that happened at the end of the story#and then one day going to reread it like u do every couple months bc it's literally ur favorite thing#and it says fic not found#fic not found fic not found#u don't know the title#it was just ur Harry Dies fic#and now#gone#gone gone gone#im just SAD about it#it was so good too#when sirius died the force of his death pushed lily out of the veil#she spent the next year living life as a muggle bc she had lost her memory#until harrys birthday the summer before seventh year#and she goes to the durselys and harry is there and he thinks she a death eater and stuns her#and goes thru a lot to prove shes who sbe says she is#bht then he has lily for the horcrux hunt and the battle#and its also very lowkey drarry#VERY lowkey like they dance around each other and nothing happens#but grimuald place becomes like a halfway house lmao for Slytherins who are being arrested#its just#theres so much to it#and i miss it so much
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Not me realising that due to my fatigue I'm probably going to have to pay for private classes, at least to start with, since there's no way in hell I'll be capable of keeping up with a regular class,,,
#on the other hand:#if i do private classes im much more likely to be able to succeed#like ill be able to take breaks and stuff#which i def wouldnt be able to do in a regular class#and id be able to start v v small and only 'learn' a few things at a time#i mean#im still waiting for a call back from that company i called yesterday afternoon#but theyre about to go into their summer term so like#im not surprised#i dont even know if they offer private classes for adults#i just#i really dont think ill physically be capable of a regular class#(and ofc not me realising ill have to wait until the end of july before i can start just due to like. healing from top surgery lol)#but omg this research spiral has been great!!#never thought id see the day id miss doing ballet but here we are!!#and man am i having the time of my life!!!
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ive obtained a guitar
#my mom had one that she said i could take. and for the longest time i was like no i should wait until ive been doing bass longer before#adding smth else. but then i was like. right now im rlly enjoying doing music and i have the time and the desire to do it. so like.#it seems silly to not. so i have it im gonna try and learn over the summer and see if i can keep up with both. and then when school starts#again if it comes down to splitting time between them ill have a few months in each of them almost like 7 on bass. and they're similar#enough to eachother that i think a lot of stuff will probably cross over right? idk i was looking into it and it seems like a lot of more#experienced players will play at least a little bit on the other as well. and i also saw an article that said learning the other will help#improve more on the first one as well#i mean the thing is. it is just for fun. but also i think it would be so cool if i could get to the point where i can make my own songs jus#to post on here or smth. i think that would be rlly fun but like if i never do. i still just like it and its fun so its fine if i suck#but ya im gonna do it if it ends up ruining everything i can just quit like whatever#the sad thing though is. its an acoustic waahhhh#if i keep going obviously i eventually am gonna get an electric bc i was trying to think of songs i could learn on acoustic and i literally#could not think of a single one i like. LMAO my parents had a copy of sheet music for stairway to heaven (i think my sister must've tried t#learn it at some point?) so i took that too. bc it was literally the only one they had besides a big book of mormon ones lol. so im gonna b#that guy that only plays stairway to heaven lolllllll
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