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sporesgalaxy · 10 months ago

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I know this is something u were probably asked before but as the guy that has a good relationship with art....how do you do that??? I mean I get that this question is vague but how do you not care if it looks bad? Do you just?? Keep on going till it looks like you want it to look? Despite the agonies? You seem like you enjoy talking abt this thats why im asking, dont feel the need to answer if u dont wanna

hmmmm. You know, I don't think about the agonies much these days. But it's not that I don't care. I guess I've become a freak who sees beauty in the agonies, sorta? It's kind of complicated! I will do my best to explain!

First of all, I know that I have the unfair advantage of having no ambition. I don't have a goal for my art besides making art when I feel like it. That makes it easy to be less judgemental-- I remember having a rockier relationship to my own art during the time when I thought I would make it my career.

This is why I like talking about my perspective, though!! I think it's important to try not to let yourself be consumed by self-criticism as an artist, even if self-criticism is necessary for you, and hopefully my carefree way of looking at things can help balance things out haha.

Anyways, ambition or not-- and I know how this sounds but bear with me-- art doesn't ever look bad.

(Barring ethically harmful art, ugh, I don't want to get into ethics so just-- surely you know what I mean!!!)

Art gets a lot less stressful if you can tell yourself that no art is bad, and remember the reasoning behind that until you really believe it. It isn't a fast process, but it's very worth the work.

The truth is that art either looks how you want it to look, or it looks different from the way you want it to look, but both are ultimately neutral. You CAN make art that looks different from what you wanted, that you still feel pleased with.

When art looks different from how you wanted, the gut reaction you have is often to call it bad or get frustrated. And of course it's frustrating! Maybe you feel it's not as effective at communicating something as you'd hoped, or you feel it's not as visually impactful as you imagined...but it's important to remember those things are only your perception. Not an objective fact. And art is a two-way street! A communication between creator and observer! And communication is really weird and complicated.

•••

Other people's perception of your work won't ever be exactly the same as yours. Sometimes this is desireable and sometimes it isn't! Maybe your art will communicate the thing better to someone than anything they've ever seen-- even if a more effective version could theoretically exist, the "imperfect" version that actually exists and communicates is all that matters to the observer. Or, maybe a feature that turned out exactly how you wanted it to will fly completely over an observer's head, and not have the effect you wanted at all. A lot of the time, you'll never even know.

An artist can NEVER fully control an observer's perspective, so at a certain point you have to live with what you have. You already do this, to some degree, if you have ever EVER decided to stop working on a piece of art and share it. You can always keep adding to something. You can always keep editing. But sometimes, you stop. And perfection doesn't exist, so when you stop it must be because the art is good enough for now. And nothing about "good enough" is objective!

And is that really so bad? Surely people who grow fruit understand that a fruit which is smaller than they imagined can still feed somebody-- that at the very least it will feed bugs and microorganisms and be useful as fertilizer to grow more apples. Your art still means something, still accomplishes something, is still worth making whether it turns out how you imagined or not.

A lot of art is learning when to quit and move on. As a habitual perfectionist, this was something I had to learn early, to stop myself from erasing holes into every piece of paper I drew on.

There's this rule I was taught in middle school drama class: if you fuck up, act like you didn't fuck up. The audience doesn't have your script memorized, so odds are they won't have any idea you fucked up unless you tell them. Other art works the same way. No one knows what you wanted to make but you. And more importantly, a "perfect" version of your art doesn't exist (no "perfect" version of anyone's art exists, or ever will).

The version you made exists, so you have to find what's worth loving about that version. You have found what's worth loving in the imperfect art of others many times. Many observers will treat your art the same way you treat others' art. Why not treat your own art that way, too?

It sounds really REALLY corny, but I try not to think of this as embracing "mistakes." I think of it as celebrating coincidences.

I really really like coincidences. I like that every circumstance wasn't guaranteed to happen, that everything comes down to chance. I think all the little random things are beautiful because they turned out however they did, and not any of the millions of other ways things might have turned out. It's a coincidence that my genes expressed the way they did. It's a coincidence that my parents met in college. It's a coincidence that my oldest friend and I both got to middle school early every day, and stayed close even when we didn't share any classes.

Art is full of coincidences! I try to draw a straight line. The line does not turn out straight, because of the way my hand is shaped and the way my muscles contracted, because my body is not exactly like anyone else's in the world. No one else would have drawn that slightly not-straight line just exactly how I did. It's mine, and it's crookedness is what makes my art mine. Okay, maybe it's a little too crooked for what I want this time-- I'll erase it and draw a new crooked line at a bit of a different angle. There we go, I like that! Now it's my beautiful, irreplaceable crooked line! And the ghost of its predecessor guides the eye just so, and no one else's two crooked lines would guide your eye the same way, only mine! Isn't that nice on its own? Just to have made something that can't ever be replicated? To have made something no one else has ever made before?

You can also apply this in a bit less dreamy and more practical ways, I promise haha.

For example...I've never been a canvas flipper, as a digital character artist. I don't mirror my canvases to see if they still look preportional to me from either direction. I also don't usually draw visual novel character sprites that need to look good mirrored in either direction to serve their function, so it's never been a practical concern of mine.

I consider many kinds of distortion on a character I've drawn to be a good part of the visual flow of the image. Like a smear frame in animation, distoriton in the right places can make character art look dynamic and energized because it can lead the eye through a certain visual flow over the form of the character. If I were to flip the canvas, that eye-leading effect might hit differently because my American eye is used to reading from left to right-- perhaps it doesn't feel as "smooth" going in the opposite direction. This doesn't mean I need to change the distortion necessarily, it just means I prefer not to flip the canvas.

Often, these distortions aren't intentional. They're a coincidence of how my muscles move as I draw, and the areas my left-to-right American eyeballs instinctively pay more attention to. But the effect is still desireable to me. So, happy coincidence!

I think...that's the best I've got for now? Feel free to ask for clarification. I hope it's not total nonsense!

#asks #art tips

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asrichin · 28 days ago

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Childhood friends. // H.Yachi

cw. nothing, yn and yachi being friends from their meetup as a 4years old kid, pure fluff. (f!reader) :))

Yachi always have a trouble of making friends. She dislike the way she stutters, the way her face get red from embarrassement just because she doesn't know what to say as well as afraid of scaring people away.

But one thing for sure, it won't stop her from going to her favorite place— the playground. Her mom have told her, that it's a place that's has many kids she could be friends with (if it wasn't for her shyness).

So every evening, Yachi would bike her way to the playground. In hopes, to find someone to be her friend.

And today isn't any different.

“mooomm,playgroundd ?” Yachi's mom hummed in response while she put away the plate she just had washed. When she turned her back to see her 4years old child, Yachi peeking from the wall. “give me 3minutes,okay?” she said to Yachi, before walking towards the bedroom to get ready.

As the sunshine shines, Yachi rushed to the garage to take her bicycle. Today's seems like things will go great! Hopefully. Yesterday wasn't, since she felt at a mud because it was raining that evening. Then, she heard her mother calling out for her, signalling they will go to the playground. Yeay!

“momm, do you think I'll get friends today?” Yachi asked, getting up on her bike with her mom putting the helmet on her head as she heard a click from it. “of course,Im sure you'll make some friends at the playground,love.” her mom replied casually, yet the motherly love linger around her words.

When Yachi finally got to the playground, excited, running to the playground. It was fun, even if it felt lonely though surrounded by kids the same age with her. At last, it's almost getting late. So she'll be needing to go back to her mom.

That was until someone bumped into her, making Yachi fall on her butt. “ouch!” she winces, looking up just to see a girl. “im sorry! I didn't meant to—” the girl quickly apologize, trying to help Yachi get up with her hands. Suddenly, Yachi remembered something.

Friends. Now it's the time!

1st. Ask for their name.

“what's your name?” Yachi blurted out, forgetting the pain that she experience now. As she have the opportunity to (actually) make a friend today! “yn. My name's yn!” you said, apologetic, afraid of what the blonde girl getting upset and also the randomness—but that doesn't matter,right?

2nd. Ask them to be your friend. (Do not freak them out.)

The blonde girl accepted your help, as you waited for her to stand up. Just to see her smile getting much wider than before, does this girl enjoy pain? Or— “let's be friends!” Yachi exclaimed, beaming with excitement. Clasping your hands with hers in the process. “uh,okay!” you replied, trying to match with her enthusiasm.

3rd. Spend time with them.

“Yachi!” her mom called out to her from afar, so they could go back home. Besides, the other children are already on their way to go back home, and you too infact. While Yachi looked at her mom then back at you. “Can we meet again?” she asked hurriedly, trying to signal her mom she's coming. “sure, let's meet up again!” you answered, as Yachi nodded before hurrying off to her mom.

Wait. You don't know her name though—

Maybe she'll come again tomorrow,right ?

—

“moomm, playground?” Yachi's voice can be heard from her bedroom, rushing to her mom. “Im sorry Yachi, but today we can't go to the playground,dear.” what? Yachi was confused, is it about something else? Does mom have work to do? “whyy?” she frowns, clinging onto her mom's leg.

“Yachi wants to go the playgroundd..” she pleaded, with her puppy eyes. But this time, nothing can change her mother's mind.

Yachi made a new friend yesterday,

Yachi wants to see yn.

It took a toll on Yachi's emotions, what if you leave her? Oh c'mon! She just made a new frieeenddd... But don't worry, she does come back tomorrow. Just Yachi being emotional whenever it's about her friends since she rarely have one (that actually stayed.)

This time, she had upgraded her bicycle! Well, her mom had to go to grocery shopping, so she asked (begged) her mom for a bicycle bell!

Yachi's excitement was radiating. Surely, she was very excited to see yn, after a day (which is long,in her opinion.) and they can spend time together!

ring! ring!

Yachi tested the bell out, while her mom is trying to set it on her bike after a few attempts and the rain was quite heavy. When will the rain stop? It been 2 hours, and god, it was raining cats and dogs. “there, done.” her mom smiled, looking at Yachi, who seems in her thoughts while watching the rain. “guess you'll see your friend tomorrow, sweetheart. I don't think they'll go to the playground since it's pouring out there.” Yachi's frown deepens, seriously?

After awhile, the rain finally started to cool down. And by that means, Yachi immediately rushed to the garage, taking her bicycle out in the front yard and ride it on. Riding in circle while she looked around, boringly. How she wished her friend was there, to play with her instead.

But there's always ‘tomorrow’. That's what Yachi's mom tells her whenever bad things occurs, oh well.

—

“mom?” Yachi called out, running outside. Since her mom was flowering the plants, it's apart of a routine. “can we go to the playground this evening?” she asked, tiptoeing to take a better look at her mom while leaning onto the porch. “sure, do you wanna take your bicycle there as usual?” “mhm!” yachi nodded, with a grin.

As she bikes her bicycle, smiling ear to ear. Only god knows how this blonde girl is excited to see her friend! apparently, the playground also seems to be more cheerful than usual. “wait.” sudden realization hit her, how is she gonna find yn? Ohh, this is hard.

She sat there, still on her bike while her mom goes down to sit on a bench—and talk to the other mothers. Before she heard someone talking “whoa, that bell is pretty! It must be new,right?” she turned her head as fast as she could, to be greeted by you. “im sorry for not coming! My mom was busy yesterday and yesterday!!” yachi spoke, guilty of what she did. “oh, it's fine—i actually live down the street so it's no biggie!” you assured her.

And that's how you both become officially friends.

—

“Hey,Yachi?” you spoke, touching the old pink bicycle. It's rusty, unused for a long time even. Yet, it's nostalgic within how you guys always bike together especially to the store down the street to buy ice pops. “yeah?”

“isn't this the bicycle you always bike around the street with me?” the bicycle even make a creak noise when you tried to sit on it for fun, oh—that's a lil concerning. “oh,that?” yachi stopped arranging her things in a box, to look at the old bicycle with contemplated look.

“dont you want to like..sell it or give it to a kid nearby? It'll take up the space in your garage y'know?” you asked, checking the tires of the bike, shit, it's even flatter than yachi's chest. She must hadn't used it for years.

“nope, I'll keep it.” yachi replied, going back to arranging her things. ‘besides, it reminded me of you.’ she thought to herself, humming to the song that you picked while helping her out, cleaning her garage.

It's hard to make real friends in Yachi's opinion, and she didn't regret one bit that she had to experience the pain on her butt because you bumped her. Afterall, in the end, you will be by her side and always will.

Moodboard. << just an extra!! \(^u^\)

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petvampire · 3 months ago

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i feel like waxplay and monty in whichever pairing or grouping or whatever is incredibly interesting (and ill admit i have been thinking about this for months already so when i saw it on the list i was like 👀)

bc when esther first transforms monty into a human one of the steps is that she pours candle wax into what i assume is his open chest cavity as part of the spell, so i imagine him exploring wax play could be a way for him to break through some of the remaining esther-related trauma he might have.

not sure if that angle is the vibe youre looking for but in any case, montwin (+ others? im not picky, you decide) and waxplay pleasee 😇

Um. Yes, thank you, I love this.

Also combining this with @iamafandomfreak ‘s GhostCrow blindfold + wax play request. <3

There are very few things Monty remembers about the actual process of being made human the first time. The mind tends to block such things out; he remembers the pain, the panic, but he can’t recall each and every step Esther took to rip his crow body to shreds and build him a new one. That’s a good thing, since if he’d been acutely aware of every part of the spell, he probably would have gone crazy.

It does mean that odd things will trigger flashes of memory, though. Things like the flicker of a candle flame, a trail of wax along the side of a taper making him flinch as his mind flashes back. Searing wax, poured into his open ribs, burning along the inside of his chest. He feels it again for a moment, too vividly.

Charles is the first one to notice his reaction. They’re out at some nice restaurant, he and the girls seated at the table, the lit candles in the center dragging his focus away from whatever Niko was animatedly talking about moments ago. He sucks in a sharp breath, and the ghost lays his hands on his shoulders, brows furrowed in concern. “You all right, mate?”

Monty just shakes his head.

He manages to pull himself back together enough to enjoy the evening, at least on the surface. That flash of memory lingers, though, and when they finally get back to the office, he’s quick to tuck himself into the comforting embrace Charles offers, burying his face against the other’s chest. It’s been a while since he’s gotten so spooked out of nowhere, and all of them are clearly worried.

He explains in as few words as he can, and the outpouring of sympathy from the others soothes his ruffled feathers. Charles runs a hand along his spine, Edwin’s fingers smooth through his hair, and Monty eases back from that momentary fear. By the end of the night, he’s more or less back to normal, ready to just put it behind him. He can just avoid candles if they’re going to freak him out, after all. It’s not like he’s really the candlelight type.

He should know better by now. There’s a thoughtful look in Edwin’s eyes as he bids the crow good night, the look he gets when he’s chewing over a problem, sorting out the best possible solution. Monty should remember that Edwin is not longer willing to let such things pass; they’re all trying to heal from the wounds their pasts have dealt them, and the ghost is quite good at coming up with… unorthodox ways to confront such memories.

So really, he should have known.

It’s a unique sort of exposure therapy, to be sure.

Monty is sprawled out naked on his back on Edwin’s bed, a little tense despite the fact that this is hardly unfamiliar. His eyes are covered by a silk blindfold, with the ghost’s reasoning being that his unpleasant memory was stirred by a sight last time. It makes sense, but the crow is still uneasy even without being able to see. He can smell the hint of smoke on the air, knows there are candles burning within reach.

“You sure you’re all right?” Charles’ voice is soft, close, and a little worried still. He agreed to this plan, just as Monty did, because a lot of the time Edwin is adept at figuring out how to break through ugly memories, to replace them with far more pleasant sensations. They both trust him, even if occasionally his genius seems like madness.

The crow nods, trying to convince himself that he can relax. He knows he’s safe with these two, knows Edwin and Charles would never hurt him. They’re not about to tear him apart and remake him, even if they could. “Yeah. Just… do it.” The longer he waits for the inevitable, the more nervous he’ll get, until nerves turn to fear, then to panic.

A hand runs along his chest, and Monty recognizes Edwin’s touch, tenses slightly under it. Despite that momentary flicker of fear that goes through him, the first drips of wax don’t hit the skin of his chest, don’t make him feel like his heart is being wrenched out into the open and coated in liquid agony. Instead, the wax is a dribble of heat along his right bicep, and he jumps, a little squeak of surprise escaping him.

He can’t help but laugh after a moment at his own foolishness, at the sound. It doesn’t even hurt, not really. It’s a weird sensation, but it’s not what he was expecting, not what he had built it up to be in his mind.

“Monty?” Edwin’s voice is careful, and the crow swallows his laughter, though he can’t keep the relieved smile off his lips.

“Fine, I’m… fine. Just not expecting it.” He can almost feel the ghost smirking above him, radiating a sense of faint smugness. Edwin does love to be right.

“I assume you’re better prepared now.” Another stream of wax is dripped along his hip, his thigh, and though Monty doesn’t jolt this time, he does shiver under the sensation of it. With the blindfold, he can relax fully into just feeling. It’s suddenly a lot less intimidating, a lot more freeing.

Charles gets in on the act, and between the two of them, Monty feels like he’s being turned into some kind of waxy art project. The heat on his skin builds and fades by turns, trails of wax drawn across his arms and legs, his stomach, still carefully avoiding his chest. He knows that won’t last forever; it would defeat the purpose of tackling this fear this way.

Still, he finds himself surprised when the wax finally does hit just above his heart, a shock of heat that makes him jerk. At the same time, a pair of warm lips descend on his, soothing him, distracting him. Edwin kisses him slowly, thoroughly, even as more of that wax is trailed in patterns over his chest. Under the pressure of that kiss, it’s hard to be afraid.

He has nothing to be afraid of. Cool fingertips trace the patterns of the wax on his skin, the touches familiar where the trails of heat along his flesh aren’t. He can relax into them, and know he’s purely, completely safe.

He feels his old, visceral fear coalescing in his heart into something he can let go, something he can be free of. Monty breathes in, and releases it, lets the memory fade.

It won’t completely erase his memories of Esther, of being torn apart, remade. But it’s a start.

#dead boy detectives #dbda #monty the crow #monty finch #edwin payne #charles rowland #ghostcrow #pv answers #pv writes #fanfic #charles x monty x edwin

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lakesbian · 3 months ago

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should comment on the first (<- optimistically hoping there will be more) lamb interludes too

i like ashton so far i think it's fun to add another more Noticeably Alien Freak lamb. kindof autistic to be a fucked up biohorror lab experiment that doesn't know how to imitate people yet and consequently has no volume control & errs on the side of speaking too softly instead when you think about it.

the effect of him constantly vividly imagining peoples heads exploding for fun may be somewhat lost on me because i'm like well he's not hurting anyone so good for him.

the nonhuman visual perception was fun to read about i liked that

it has sadly occurred to me while writing this that the next time we see him it's gonna be timeskipped so far ahead that he'll be a Normal Boy and i won't get to enjoy the development phase, which seems like it should be the appeal of adding a new little vat boy to the team

his interlude segment portrays jamie 2 as a bit of an older sister. this is a win for me.

helen thoughts:

best interlude so far hands down because helen is special. one of the best Scenes At All Ever so far hands down because helen is special. it is so EXTREMELY effective to show her away from the lambs for the first time and have her casually remind that the personality she's been displaying for most of the book is an entirely calculated act for the lambs' benefit, and even the glimpses beneath it they've been getting had a heavy dosage of acting involved in the presentation. utter fucking Crocodile of a girl. it's so good

it's also extremely fucking funny for helen to be told to stop acting and respond by standing up and going "i want to gore that guy over there. Sexually."

specifically a big fan of how it's explicitly belabored that she stands up during the interrogation because she's no longer acting. like, the idea that even the most basic level of expected human behavior that would seem common sense exists only because of an act, and immediately ceases if the act does, replaced entirely by some reptilian Thing who stands up and states desire to crawl murderously into someone's mouth--that's really fucking good. and then the act goes back up and helen the Thing remains lying there underneath.

not directly from the interlude but i thought it was cute when sy explained to her that she was possibly feeling loneliness. if i was mary i would treat helen right...reptilegirls need hugs too...i would let her cuddle with me at night like a weird cat...

gordon:

i like him but he's very simple and overshadowed compared to more special individuals like helen. i'm sorry gordon

i do think it's SO fucking funny that he unironically mentally gets worried and compares him thinking mary is hot to helen talking about wanting to crawl into peoples skin and shit. teenager experiencing normal levels of teenager feelings and being like oh NO im some sort of weird intense freak pervert of the earth. like no man youre just a teenager youre gonna be okay buddy. well, you're not going to be okay, but that's for reasons unrelated to being attracted to women. that part is normal and fine.

it's nice to have confirmation that gordon is mind beaming "holy shit please shut the fuck up" at sy just as often as sy is mind beaming it at him. not that we needed it to know, given that sy receives the mind beams 95% of the time minimum (and elects to ignore them almost as often)

i like the bit abt him being a segmented stitched-together person made from composite parts & his feelings also being sort of metaphorically processed as composite parts he can pick and choose from to engage with. griffon boy...

we should kill the duke

we should kill the baron

we should kill the duke and the baron

mary: unfortunately theres not so much to say about this one because she spent 65% of it vividly imagining how she could murder people. love you mary

lillian:

it was fun to see how sy looks from someone else's perspective and then find out what the fuck he was actually doing next chapter. and like just in general fun and convincing to see how she reads him without being privy to the one million insane things he's thinking at any given second

i have to confess i was bad at actually thinking a lot about lillian during this one. one of my main thoughts was "oh good we finally have more detailed description of how sy looks." wildbow novels are cool because you have to wait until one fucktillion words in to find out that a character has long eyelashes. adding that to my list of mental notes for drawing sy

detailed descriptions of how sy kisses lillian (extremely real and true and in character for him by the way you know he was doing a death note monologue in his head about his methodology) made me remember that im going to have to read the lesbian sex scene that fails the bechdel test at some point because mary tries to imitate it and then i went 🙁and had to try to stop thinking about that.

#twig time #iota's immersive twig read

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stonemags · 1 year ago

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stonemags

SUGAR BABY AU

Ch.7 Fend off

Characters in this series: Reader, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers, Darcy Lewis, Maria Hill, Kate Bishop, Pepper Potts, Valkyrie, Shuri

Summary: You are trying to be a good friend, helping people that are closest to you to let go of their past. They take priority and even if you get hurt during the process, you need to keep them protected. Who will protect you? Will you let them?

Warnings: age gap relationships, sugar mommy/sugar baby relationships, swearing, fighting, blood, being hurt, arguments, mensplaning, all story is gonna be +18, you are responsible for your own ass.

Word count: 6913

A/N: This chapter is the last one before a longer break, im not sure when i will post next one, but it will come. Thank you to all for the support it wouldn't be the same without you. I hope you will enjoy this chapter.

Previous chapter

You just woke up, but you can already feel the tension in your shoulders. It was a hard week for you, work, school even Wanda and Nat made days difficult for you. Everybody expects something from you, deadlines are not being kind, and everything is piling up in the exhausting hill of responsibilities. You feel yourself sinking recently and if it wasn't for your whole future at the line, you would probably stay in bed for the next two weeks. Recently even thoughts about your future were too heavy, usually working as a motivator, now they are making you feel like you're at a gunpoint.

You didn't have to wake up with the sun today, after working till three am at the bar you needed that rest and thankfully everybody made sure not to bother you. You get up from the bed and immediately make it, so you can start your day not feeling guilty about having a mess around you or not being productive. It doesn't happen often but you actually plan on resting today. You put some music on and after meditating and giving offerings you hear a light knock at your door.

“Hey.” Darcy stands in a doorway, two coffees in her hands. She always looks out for you, even in those small ways, and to be honest you do feel special. She would never do coffee for Maria or Kate.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, everythings okay.” She sits down on your bed, and sets the coffee on the side table. You decide that freaking out about the stains right now is not a good idea. You will deal with it later. To your surprise Darcy is ahead of you and she gets up and grabs coasters and your meds, she hands them to you with your coffee.

“Thanks.” She nods and sits down at the previous spot.

“Do you want to talk about your date?” You don't, you know she cares and that's where it's coming from, there is still anger lingering at the back of your head, that she set you up like this.

“I- '' She looks puzzled, like she can't place exactly how to put into words feelings she has, but you understand.

“I know.”

“I was worried that you wouldn't agree to go. I should’ve handled it better, done it differently. To be completely honest, after we dropped you off I had been scolded by Carol already.” She laughs and you can't help but join her. You take a sip of your coffee, happily making yourself believe that it will wake your brain up more, and let her continue.

“It wasn't nice. I'm sorry, I don’t want to act that way towards you.”

“Thank you, I appreciate you being honest. I was mad, yes, even now I still am a little bit, but it’s going to pass. I'm just happy to be done with this.”

“They called Carol after that night, and they didn't sound happy. She didn't tell me anything, at least not that much, but… Yn, what happened?” you don't want to get into it, but Darcy is your friend, she is on your side, and you want her to feel included.

“Shuri called me in the middle of our dinner. I had to pick up Junior, it was an emergency. There was no taxi, no uber, nothing and this restaurant was so far away.”

“Yeah, again sorry about it.” Darcy scratches the back of her head, trying to ease down the nerves.

“They gave me a ride, and then we went to the theme park with Junior.”

“It doesn't sound so bad.” She is confused, but at the same time she knows that nothing with you is just simply… simple.

“It wouldn't be if I had any say in that. Darcy I had so much work I did not sleep the night after that. I agreed on extra work, i didnt had any food other that a fucking corn dog with junior that day, and nobody asked me about my opinion.” You start pacing around the room, you always talk with your arms and the more agitated you are the more they are working.

“Did you tell them that?”

“Yes I did. After the little family trip of course, I'm not a monster. I couldn't do that to Junior.” She nods in understanding. You both spend 20 more minutes chatting about everything that happens, while you clean your room. You will always happily use a body double to make yourself more productive, and it's so much easier with someone actually next to you. After a nice morning together and more cleaning around the apartment, Darcy told you that Kate asked you to call her and that it was rather important so you called right away.

“Hey sweetie, you wanted me to call?... Yes ... mhm … no problem i got this, don't even worry about it, I’ll text you after everything … I’m always careful … Yes, I love you too.” You finished your phone call, and as you were sitting in the kitchen Maria could hear everything. She just finished cleaning the dishes after herself, knowing how much you hate, when one of them leaves something in the sink, after you cleaned the whole kitchen. They are really helpful with your hyperfixations.

“What the bitch wanted?” You roll your eyes at the name that she used for Kate.

“Be nice. She asked me if I could pick her things up from Val, she left some clothes in her godless danger zone cave.” You answer by not taking your eyes off your phone, already looking for the bus and metro schedule.

“Oh, that should be fun.” Maria goes around the kitchen island and leans her back on it, right next to where you sit. You found that about her pretty early, how flirty and cocky she is, once she feels comfortable with someone. It takes a while, but once she gets to know you, you would never say that she was shy at first. She is touchy, her love language always makes her try to be close to all of you. Some people find it confusing, but you learn at some point. Her smugness it's a part of your daily life and you enjoy the entertainment.

“Yeah.. you are not going.” You get off the stool and start walking into your room to grab your bag. Your backpack is something you can’t leave the house without, you have a lot of useful things in it, which some of your friends find weird. There was always this sense of journey in you, or maybe running away actually, but this feeling made you always prepare to leave. Your backpack is always ready to help you survive if there is a need for you to.. well you aren’t sure what, but whatever that feeling means, you want to be ready. You have first aid there, a knife, dry pack meals which are not the worst and saved you a couple of times, along with unused metro and bus tickets, just in case and some rope. Sounds like a serial killer pack but all of the things were useful more times than you thought they would.

You put your shoes on, take your hat and dark jacket off the hook, and as you leave the apartment Maria comes running out of her room.

“Maria you’re not going.”

“Shut up, we have a bus in 10 minutes, come on.” She put her vintage 90s style jacket on and went out leaving you to close the door. She also learned a lot about you, and how discussing anything with you and trying to convince you of something is usually a waste of time. You respect that and her, the way she talks to you makes you feel safe with her, you know what to expect, there are no games, no double meaning under any words, no malice or anger behind anything. She lays things on the table and you feel safe with honesty. You don't fight her, you close the heavy door, almost tripping over the shoes again on your way out and follow Maria to the bus stop.

Drive took both of you not more then 20 minutes, Valkyrie lives in one of her friends houses from what you know. There have been a couple of times when you were picking Kate up from there but you never went in, for Val it was an issue itself that you are even in the neighborhood. From what you noticed from the outside there is a flag in the window, which is a red flag itself, cigarette buds pretending to be flowers in the garden and broken mailbox in front. Overall a very welcoming environment. You come up to her door and knock hard on the surface, trying to make sure she will hear you over the loud techno music. You feel nauseous, and you know that will not be an easy pick up, but you would do everything for Kate, even put yourself in dangerous situations so she doesn't have to. You hear screaming coming from the inside, someone yelling over music to open the door. Maria is right behind you, she grabs the right part of your open jacket, which is exactly why you didn't want to bring her with you. In situations like that it's hard enough for you to make sure you are going to be okay, and as sad as it is, anyone coming with you as a support is just an additional responsibility to you. Doors open with unnecessary force. In front of you there is Valkyrie, drunk out of her mind, in the middle of the week, before noon. To be honest if someone would ask you to describe her that's exactly what you would say.

“The fuck you want?” Off to a great start.

“Don't make it harder for yourself, give me Kate’s things back and we will be out of here.” She scoffs at you and spits on the ground. That's a comedy behavior and if you wouldn't fear things escalating because of Maria, you would already have a good laugh. Val comes out of the doorway and invades your personal space, trying to dominate you as she is always tired when you meet with her. It was an interesting battle and you were enjoying playing this game with her, till one day when you overheard how much unnecessary shit Kate had to hear from Val after that. She was always jealous of how close you were to Kate, and since that day you tried to be … less with Kate, when her girlfriend was around. You can smell the horrible alcoholic odor coming from Val, since Kate broke up with her it seems like she fell even lower, you didn't think it was possible. You stand your ground not letting any fear get to you, but Maria takes two steps back, not really enjoying the fact that she had to let go of you.

“Tell this slut-'' keep your cool yn, don't kill her, you promised Kate to be as civil as you can “-that if she wants anything back, she needs to come for it herself. I will make sure that she will have a really nice time with me, time she will remember for a long time.Whore likes it rough, but you should know something about it right Yn?” Valkyrie pushes you to the ground taking you off guard and she closes the door behind her, laughing. You get up and straighten your clothes, you can feel your facade breaking, almost as you can hear the sounds of cracks in your patience.You can feel your heart beating in every single vain, your teeth are clenched together, tha same as your fists. You never felt so angry in your life, at least you don't think you did. You never felt so angry at someone and yourself, that you let this relationship go for so long, you recall all those moments when you thought that Kate was silently screaming for help, and you weren't listening. At least this, now, in this moment, you can and will make it right. Maria comes up to you and touches your shoulder bringing you back out of your head.

“Yn-” she grabs your clenched hand “-your knuckles are white.” That's just a second of making a decision, at this moment you knew what it's going to take to make this end, to set Kate free, and you were ready for it the moment you left your apartment.

“They’re about to get red.” The force of opening and shutting doors behind you makes Maria jump. She stands outside wondering if she should follow after you, she hears the music abruptly stop and then shouting. She takes two steps towards the door and as she is about to put her hand on the cold handle she hears the sounds of fighting, something breaks, sounds of glass shattering hurt her ears. Her eyes get teary and she doesn't know what to do. She won't be able to physically help you, and she knows for sure Val wasn't alone in the house. She stands in the yard and takes out her phone, trying to pick up Pepper's number with shaking hands. She immediately picks her eyes up at the door at the squeaky sound of opening. You come out and really slowly close the door behind you, one hand on the handle and second one holding a bag. Contrast between you entering and exiting the house is making Maria question if the first one even happened. The first thing your friend notices is that your knuckles are actually red, but so is your face and your shirt. She comes to you really fast trying to take a better look at your face.

“Jesus Christ Yn! Are you okay?” She lifts her hand and you grab her wrist stopping her. You lift your head up, letting her take a good look at you.

“Let’s go, we are walking home.” She doesn't question you, she just grabs the bag from your hand. Maria doesn't comment on your busted upper lip, or greenish bruise appearing under your left eye, or the cut on your right eyebrow that drowns your vision with blood, or even the way you hold your ribcage. She listens to you, but at the same time being so worried about the state you are in she texts Pepper what happened, hoping that she will know what to do and how to help you. You are irritated with your clothes getting dirty and splitting one of your knuckles open. You don't feel pain, you feel satisfaction that you finally got something done, that you finally stood up for someone you love, adrenaline still kicking in keeping you painless, it's a good feeling, probably too good, but that's something you will worry about later.

On your way home Maria got information from Pepper to just bring you back and everything will be taken care of. You two are one street away from your apartment complex and both of you recognise Peppers car standing on the street. Not really feeling like talking, you tell Maria that you will just head upstairs and take a bath, maybe try to get rid of this already dried out blood from your face.

“Yn, you look like hell.” You are highly aware of that and Pepper’s comment is really unnecessary.

“Kate finished her job earlier today. I picked her up. I was planning on picking up Maria too and taking those beautiful girls somewhere out to eat.”

“Cool, have a nice time.” You can’t tell if that was addressed to you or Maria, or if Pepper was asking your permission, but your face hurts and you just want to go upstairs.

“I'm sorry I can’t leave Yn alone.”

“Yes you can. Go have fun.” You send Maria a smile forgetting how painful it is for you right now to use any face muscles.

“But-”

“Precious, Yn is right, also I don't think that she wants Kate to see her this way, am I right?”

“Very, I’ll be okay, have fun.” You give your friend a short hug and leave with Kate's bag. Pepper’s comment is right, you wouldn’t want any of your friends to see you this way, that's why you didn't want Maria to go with you in the first place, but you can't help feeling slightly hurt by that. Maybe it’s better for you to be left alone right now, coming up the stairs you worry about Darcy's reaction, she will for sure yell at you for being reckless.

You enter the apartment and set Kate’s bag in the washroom to immediately wash everything that it contains. You walk around the apartment only to find out that you are alone.

“Well, for the better i guess.” Talking to yourself is a normal thing, saying out loud a plan for the day, concerns or just letting your thoughts flow outside, airing out your head is something you enjoy with your loneliness. You are happy to be alone, nobody will see you being hurt, nobody will worry, take care of you or freak out at Val. You don't need that, just you and your solitude is enough.

You go to the bathroom and start undressing, a big mirror on the side wall allows you to see all of your injuries. Bruise is purple by now, and your face is covered in red, you are not surprised that Pepper had this disgusted look on her face. You slowly take your shirt off along with your bra, and just then you can see how dark is your right rib cage. Valkyrie took advantage of this one movement when you stumbled on something and fell in her house. She managed to deliver one kick onto your chest,at least you turned to the side in time and swept her off her feet. You would be happy to say that she looks worse than you, but you can’t, you promised Kate, so you protected yourself just as necessary. It doesn't matter how much you want to see her in pain, suffering for everything she has done. Val didn't have an easy life, but that doesnt give her a right to ruin others.

You decided on taking a warm shower and then getting some numbing ointment along with some food into your system. You are not sure if you had breakfast today, and your stomach is starting to hurt. You leave the foggy bathroom, covered in your towel and go straight into the kitchen. You start looking through the cabinets for a first aid box you have in the apartment, unaware of someone sitting in the living room.

“Need help Yn?” You jump at the sound of Natashas voice and a box with medicine falls to the ground spilling everything out. You hang your head low, without even turning around to make sure your towel stays secured around your chest and take two deep breaths. You hear Nat and Wanda get up and move closer to you. You turn around and to their surprise you are in much worse condition than they imagined when Pepper called them. Your face swells a little bit around your one eye, blood luckily only slowly going out of your lips and brow, but you have to still make sure to wipe it once in a while. Wanda covers her mouth with a shocked expression on her face, while Natasha looks just.. angry, but you can't tell if thats because of how you look or if that's just her face, to be fair she is always kind of angry. You don't have energy to play their game, to discuss, talk, talking hurts, you want them gone.

“Pepper called us.” Ah that explains it.

“Great, she is not here. I'll Let you know when she will come back.” You don't even try to pick up the box, you leave the kitchen and go to your room, aware of your half naked situation. You need to put some sweats on, and take care of yourself. It takes you just a couple of minutes and you are hoping that they are gone by now. You are going back into the kitchen and to your surprise they are sitting by the island, drinking tea and right next to them there is a third mug, yours green one.

“Yn, how are you feeling?” Wanda is concerned but you don't own her nothing, so you stay silent.

“Look-” she gets up from her seat to approach you by the fridge, you need to eat something.

“-I know you are not really fond of us-” You scoff at that under your nose, and you regret it immediately, when sharp pain goes straight into your head. Adrenaline is gone and you can feel everything now. You grab the side of your head trying to keep it at bay. “-but we want to help… let us help.” You think about it, you are tired but in too much pain to go to sleep. They picked the medicine up but you still have to look through it to find the right kind and ointment. Even thinking hurts now.

“Yn, can you please sit down?” Natasha’s voice is soft, you never hear her speak in this way, maybe once, just once when at Carol's party you caught one moment when Natasha and Wanda were alone. The way they were with each other, spoke to each other, praised each other, this is the voice Natasha used. You are not really sure what's the reason, maybe you are too tired for that right now, but you listen. You drag yourself into the living room and sit down slowly on the couch. Natasha is immediately next to you with a cup of tea and Wanda on the other side holding painkillers, a sandwich and numbing ointment, almost like they read your mind.

“Darcy told us what you might need, she called and also asked us to apologize that she is not here. Carol took her on a business trip and she will be back in two days.” You nod at the information, warming up because of the tea or maybe the fact that wherever Darcy is she has your back.

You take your painkillers, eat a surprisingly good sandwich and the last thing you need to do is use the ointment.

“Thank you for your help.” You make a move to take it from Wanda's hand but she moves it out of your reach.

“Let me.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Just no. Leave it okay?” You try to grab it again and in that moment Natasha puts her hand on the side of your body, just to try and get your attention, talk you out of being so stubborn, but she doesn't know about your ribcage. The moment her palm lands on your shirt, the sharp pain follows through your whole body, you scream a little not being able to contain your reaction in time. They both look scared while you bend down in half, trying to breathe normally and stop crying. You can’t hold it in, you try by biting your lip, which reminds you that it's still bleeding and the bite really didn't help. You get up, out of their reach, you stand in front of them, looking and feeling like a mess.

“Please just… leave. I'm going to be okay, I’ll handle it, just give me that and leave.” You clench your jaw like your life depends on it. Your tears are mixing with the blood coming out of your lip. Wanda makes sure to stand up slowly, treating you like you are about to break down, crumble into pieces and nothing makes you more pissed than this pity look in her eyes. She wants to say something, not really sure what, but her wife is faster.

“Lift up your shirt.”

“Pervert.”

“Yn.. this-” she points at you and moves her hand around “- all of this,as much as it's cute and admirable, it's pissing me off. You really think this is just about you?” You want to argue back, make your statement, not back down, you are just not sure if you have enough energy for that.

“No Yn, it's not. What do you think Kate will feel, after seeing her friend suffer because of her. And yes I know she didn't do it, but you fought for her, you really think she wont feel responsible for that?” You stay silent, feeling like a kid being scolded, you feel your chin getting wet with blood and tears. Your ribcage still hurts and makes it hard for you to breathe. You are ready for Natasha to start screaming at you, but she just let her wife take over.

“I'm going to lift your shirt up okay?” You don't fight them, you let her. She slowly lifts up your right side of the shirt revealing dark purple and pink bruises, covering at least three or four of your ribs.

“Oh..yn.” You look at Wanda and you see one tear falling down her cheek. You cover yourself up fast and take two steps back to put some distance between you two.

“Satisfied?” Natasha looks sad, and disappointed. You can't read them and that's the most frustrating thing for you.

“We have a personal doctor, she works for us and has a monthly payment, doesn't matter if she works or not. I called her and she will be here in thirty minutes. Will you please let her take a look at your ribs and face? I promise it won’t cost us anything” She is actually waiting for your answer, you look between them. Wanda with the ointment in her hands holding it so tightly, Natasha with a phone in her hand and this terribly worried look on her face. Another sharp pain goes straight into your head, you bend down to try and not react too much to it, but they can see.

“Yes…I…yes, please.” Natasha nods at you and you leave the room, uncomfortable with the situation, you decide to wait for the doctor in your bedroom.

It takes 40 minutes for the doctor to get to the apartment. At this point you took two more painkillers you had in your room, and you tried to just lie down in a way that hurts the least. You didn't check on Nat or Wanda, they can take care of themselves and as much as you would like to care even a little, the state you are in is hard to do so. Kate and Maria called you to check up on you. Of course Maria told everybody everything. You managed to pull some strength out of yourself to sound well, like you are doing okay ish at least. Seems like they bought it, you don't need them to worry more then they do already. Wanda came to your room to ask if the doctor could come in, you thought she would try to stay with the both of you but fortunately she left and gave you some space. Doctor said that it would be good to do xr-ay of your ribs but they don't seem broken, just really bruised. She stitched your eyebrow and said that your lip will heal on itself, you are relieved that you don't have to go to the hospital, that would probably ruin you financially.

After the meeting with the doctor you walk her out of the apartment making sure she wouldn't start talking about your state with Wanda and Natasha. Apologizing for the mess at the entrance you thank her and close the door behind her, wishing her a nice rest of her day. You are facing two issues now. First you need to get rid of both women from your apartment and get ready for your shift at the bar. You are not really sure how you will manage, but you have to somehow. You feel presence behind you and you are not ready for questioning, you are not ready for anything right now.

“What did she say?” Natasha is holding Wanda's hand tightly, trying to calm her down a bit.

“I'm healthy as a horse.” She just rolls your eyes and that somehow makes you feel bad.

“I'm sorry, first I really appreciate your help with all that, it means a lot. She said that I should be okay with my ribs, she stitched my eyebrow and lips should heal on their own.” Wanda reaches out with her hand. Very lightly she touches the area around your eyebrow, soft palm is feeling cold on your heated face. You don't know why but you let her get a closer look at your face, Natasha grabs your chin and picks it up slowly to take a better look at your lip. As she lets go her thumb touches the corner of your lips, and you feel her touch linger there even after her hands return to her side. It's hard to explain what's happening with you, pain mixing with the feeling of comfort, hurt mixing with soft touches, that's too much for today, or for the whole month, it's hard to tell, but you start crying out of nowhere. Silent tears escaping through closed eyelids, too afraid of what your eyes might be saying right now. You feel Wanda's hand touch the side of your head, lightly playing with your hair. Normally you would find it awkward. Silently standing at the entrance of the house, nobody is speaking, your eyes are closed and your fist clenched. You feel yourself lean your head in the direction of Wanda’s hand. The sound of your phone ringing brakes whatever was just happening between all of you and you open your eyes, looking scared and embarrassed.

“I need to pick it up. I'm sorry.” They follow after you into the living room. You look at your phone and the caller id makes your body shiver.

“What?” You start pacing around, you feel the eyes of both women follow your moves and you are making sure to stay extra careful with how you speak.

“No…Yes, at the end of the week.” You look at them sitting at the kitchen island, not even pretending that they are not listening.

“That's too much… I need to pay for school this month…No…Well, fuck you back… Listen, you take this or nothing at all, goodbye.” You hang up your phone and grab the side of your head, feeling the pain creeping up your lower back, coming from the tips of your fingers that hold the phone, through your spine into the top of your head. It's sharp but a little less after numbing yourself with pills. Your phone rings again and you are not having it today.

“WHAT?!” You regret not looking at your phone this time. “Shit, Steve, I'm sorry. Yeah my shift starts at six.” That makes Natasha stand up

from her chair. She is looking at you as you just said the dumbest thing she ever heard. “Yeah I understand but you know, Darcy can be dramatic. It’s not that bad… No! Listen, I need the money, okay? Don't ask Bucky, I'll be there.” He starts arguing, telling you how dangerous it can be for you, telling you that you might have concussion, or just some head trauma, that he can lend you the money for the day, he is really trying to keep you off of work. As you are about to talk back to him, Natasha takes your phone from your hand and tells Steve that you will call him back in a second. The audacity.

“You are an adult Yn, right? Then let's talk like adults.” That will be an interesting conversation. You are taking it into the living room, following Natasha with Wanda closing behind you. You sit down on the couch and they give you your mug filled with warmed up tea. It's even your favorite of the month, chamomile.Something about the smell and taste of it makes you feel calmer. You wait for one of them to start, not really knowing what they are even doing here at this point, you feel ashamed about how much you let them get close to you, maybe a little bit sick even, or maybe it's just because of your head.

“You should sue her, the girl that did this to you.” It's not a question and surprisingly it's coming from Wanda.

“No.” You know it might not make any sense to them but you have your reasons.

“I don't understand you Yn. Why? She hurt you, she did something horrible to your friend, why are you even trying to protect her.”

“I'm not protecting her.”

“You are, and you are putting Kate in danger because of it.” That makes you shut up and listen. For once you let them continue, really taking in what they are saying. The feeling of your throat closing up makes you feel like a kid again and you don't like it.

“You really think that she will be noble and won’t try to get you back, or Kate. If she would want to hurt you she has at least 3 ways of doing that.” You just look at her not really understanding what she means by that.

“Kate, Maria and Darcy. They are your soft spot Yn, you would always protect them or die trying. But sometimes you are fighting with somebody bigger than you, something bigger. How will you protect them if you are at work all the time, how will you protect Kate when she finishes her work at midnight and you are not with her. And even if you would pick her up everyday, you can't be at 3 places at the same time. You need help and we can provide it.”

“The question is will you let us?” They are looking at you in a way it's hard to describe.You feel the care they try to give but you can help but follow your thoughts and your gut feeling about the “why” of their intentions. What's in it for them? The thought of your friends getting hurt is crashing for you. It feels like the ceiling is slamming onto your chest making you unable to breathe. You hate feeling hopeless but you are not stupid, you can admit when your power or control over the situation goes thin with how serious things got. You need them and that is the worst thing that can happen to you. Needing somebody gives them control over you, your life, your decisions and it's just a matter of time when they will use it against you. You don't know when, but there will be this one moment, when one of them will cross your boundaries because you own them. They helped you, they were good and nice so it means that there is invisible space to hurt you, to make it even. You just need to trust yourself that you will be able to handle it when it comes, because it will, it always does. People prove you right, but you don't have a choice.

“I just want her out and far, can you do that? Can you help?” It comes out through your clenched teeth.

“We can” Natasha seems proud of herself, the sickening smirk on her face makes you believe that she is happy about this whole situation.

“How much will it cost me?” Everything has a price and you want to know it before you will agree on anything. Wanda tries to comfort you but you won’t fall for that.

“Yn you don't have to pay us anything.”

“I can't not pay, tell me how much.”

“Dinner, you said that it feels like work on our date. You own us dinner. “ Natasha states and you take a second weighing your options.

“Okay, deal. I'm gonna buy you dinner.” The idea is not your favorite but you are grateful for the opportunity to pay them back somehow, maybe it will lower down the feeling of guilt you have about them helping you.

“No,no. You're gonna cook us dinner, at our house, we have an amazing kitchen, wanda will gladly help you, she has amazing taste. right honey?” If Nat is trying to contain her excitement about having the upper hand she is not doing a very good job.

“Oh yes, we do.” Wanda answers by not taking her eyes off of you, especially your lips. You don’t know if she is trying to flirt with you or is looking at your cut, that's still bleeding a little, you feel the iron taste every time you run your tongue on it.

“Okay.” This is too important and you know it. Sometimes we have to admit when we lose, today you feel that way.

Next twenty minutes you spend on walking through the whole process of getting a restraining order against Valkyrie. It takes a lot of talking and paperwork but Wanda is amazing at her job so winning the case should be a matter of a couple weeks. You maily want it for Kate and your friends, you would rather not be on any record but Wanda is really stubborn about it, so you agree. After explaining and taking all the notes they have to take pictures of your injuries.You don;t want them to see you half naked but you understand the necessity of it. You ask Wanda to be the one taking the pictures, there is something about Natasha tak that makes you feel a little unsafe, you can't put your finger on it but it's there, and as hurt as she looks she doesn't argue. Evening came fast, it's getting dark pretty early at this time of year, so you made tea for all of you, as a small thank you towards two older women, that showed you a lot of kindness. You are all sitting in comfortable silence, they made you call off work which you understand, also Steve texted you he will kill you if you would come. You can feel their stare on you but you don't address it, keeping your eyes down on your green mug. The next thing that Wanda says takes you a bit off guard.

“I know you are scared, Yn... but you are doing just fine.”

“It doesn't feel that way.” You didn't catch yourself in time, you don't know where it's coming from but you feel yourself opening up.

“You are doing just fine.” Natasha joins in, your shoulders visibly stiff, mug in your hands lightly burn your palms with warmness but you can't let it go. You feel yourself slipping in some way, into the deeper part that is usually kept at bay, out of everybody, out of the outside world, inside of you, reminding you that it exists as clenched fists or stomach ache. You make yourself into a vessel that can only hold that much, each night in some controlling way you let go of some pain, stress or any hard emotions that are filling you up. Today you didn't get much time by yourself and it seems like you're overflowing, and you hate yourself for the stains you make with your sadness.

“It doesn't feel fine... why doesn't it feel fine?” It's funny how you think anyone can have an answer to that, even more, people that know nothing about you. You hate how pathetic you sound.

“It seems like everybody is making you reach unreachable standards, they expected too much so now you don't allow yourself any rest because you feel like you need to reach higher. But you are doing just fine, sugar. What you did today was heroic, maybe a little dumb, but you did it out of love and that was admirable” To your surprise what Natasha says actually makes some sense, and you feel it in your work, in your devotion to your friends, or in the ways you try to handle your struggles.

“It's true.. I think it's true.” You take your eyes from your mug and stare directly at Natasha, to make sure that the things you say flow through every single part of her, to see in her eyes that she actually understands. You swallow the pain, with the lump in your throat and as you reach for the raw part of you, knowing that you will regret it tomorrow you show both of them more true than before part of yourself .

“It is true Tasha.. and it changes nothing.” Your tone was the one ending this conversation. You see by Wanda's face that she wants to argue, tell you that you are just wrong, so, so wrong about this, but her wife grabs her hand and squeezes it two times with a light smile on her face. You stand up and put your mug into the sink. You move towards your room and they dont stop you. You hear them gather their stuff as you reach your door. You defeated them, proved one more time that nobody can save you from yourself. Good fucking job, be proud. You think to yourself while hearing the entrance door closing leaving you alone in an empty house. To be honest if you weren't stuck in your body you would do the same.

Next chapter

tag list : @autorasexy @lizziejolsen @natashaswife4125 @sayah13 @romanoffskisser @lijo-8 @jjiiuuisssagcebrcw @natashaswife4125 @dumbassbitchwithnotits @teenybean, @marvelwomen-simp, @ripofflizzie

#wanda maximoff #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #marvel #wanda maximoff x you #darcy lewis x carol danvers #darcy lewis #maria hill #valkyrie #kate bishop x valkyrie #pepper potts

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st0ryf1lms · 1 year ago

Text

fallen ➳ hal jordan

pairing: hal jordan x reader

word count: 523

genre/warnings: fluff, i guess??? a bit of angst if you squint, open ending but i might make a part 2 if i dont get lazy

synopsis: what if hal jordan told you that he’s fallen? based on fallen by lola amour.

a/n: OH MY GOD GUYS IM BACK FROM THE DEAD!! it’s been so hard trying to write while keeping up with the honor roll at the same time so i went ia for over a year 😭 this one’s not really that good but oh well better than nothing ig i swear i’ll do all the reqs in my inbox this summer anw enjoy this short drabble of my fave test pilot!! <3

edit: part 2 is now up!

Hal Jordan was not a man of commitment. Never was, never is, never will be. He deemed himself "too busy" for a committed relationship. Well, you couldn't really blame him, he actually is too busy for a relationship. Aside from being a test pilot, he was also a Green Lantern (more or less, a space cop). Being a Green Lantern meant he'd have to be at the Guardians' beck and call, even if it means ditching a flight that could pose as a real problem for his life as Hal Jordan.

But honestly speaking? He'd rather be at your beck and call. That's right, yours.

You may not know it, but you have Hal wrapped around your little finger. Heartbroken because of a date that went south? No problem, he'll fly over to your place in less than a minute with ice cream and watch some romcom movie while you cry your heart out to him. Stuck in a conversation you don't like? No worries, he'll scoot over to you and pull you out of it real smooth. Did I mention he's also your best friend? Yeah, as cliché as it sounds, Hal freaking Jordan fell real hard for his best friend.

Harold "Hal" Jordan, the notorious serial heartbreaker would rather be at your beck and call. So, is he too busy for a committed relationship? Yes, he is. But a committed relationship with you? He's definitely considered it and his answer is no. No, he'll never be busy for you.

Numerous nights he's practiced in the mirror, went to go grab a drink that turns into six and gets a really bad hangover the next morning, imagined you with other guys and beat up the bad guys a little bit too hard. It's not really a healthy outlet but he has to make do with what he has.

"-Jordan. Earth to Hal Jordan. Paging Hal Jordan, you there?" You waved your hand in front of him as he quickly snapped out of his reverie. Damn, he must've zoned out again. "Yeah, yeah, right here. Sorry, you were saying?" He shook his head slightly and stared back at you, giving you the same heart eyes he always does. Not like you'd ever notice anyway.

"I was saying, a co-worker of mine asked me out and I'm not really sure if I should go but I kinda like the guy, know what I'm saying? I don't know, I just wanted to ask you for advice." You started rambling on again and he stared blankly into space, his surroundings blurring.

What? Someone finally beat me to it, he thought.

His mind was like an over speeding car, running at 100 miles per hour, gears turning and crashing down as he tried to process what you said.

"Hal, come on, I'm being serious." Your voice brought him back to reality again, the gravity of the situation actually sinking in. No, you can't go because I've been in love with you ever since the day we met and I can't let you get away because I'm a coward.

"What?"

Oh, no, he must've said that out loud.

#hal jordan x reader #hal jordan #green lantern x reader #green lantern #hal jordan imagine #green lantern imagine #hal jordan drabble #green lantern drabble #dc #dc imagine #dc x reader

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turnstechgodhead · 8 months ago

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Le sign... speaking of the server,

dirk is encouraging me to be more firm on my own thoughts for my comfort

i've seen ppl talk about it in stream a lil which im always like I Don't Care when it pops up but i've had Enough and i want to talk about the topic bc it's itching at my brain follicles.

since we're pretty strider-oriented, this had to happen at some point: strider cest/strilonde cest/in cest wont be allowed in the main server. if other people don't care, i might make a separate server.

-"hey why is that ^ something you would allow? pretty insane." / "are you a pro shipper then??"

"so you're an anti?"

also no

i dislike this argument as a whole bc i don't 'get it' i guess because im audhd. neither side is fully correct nor fully wrong.

"fiction affects reality." and "fiction is not reality." are two different thought processes that can and should coexist in the same space.

look. fiction can affect reality, but it IS also possible to separate from it. you can para or whatever responsibly. tag it. try to make sure people who don't want to see it don't have to see it. and if minors are getting sent your shit, make sure its clear that this should NOT be happening in reality. if you're a child, keep that shit blocked. it's NOT for you and you should not be actively consuming it. (please listen to this advice bc i grew up on the internet barely supervised, from a very unhealthily early age [7-8] and then developed into a fucked up hypersexual.) (seeing something fucked up and being like AUGH my eyes! is normal because that just. happens. thats life. you deal with it afterwards in some way. talking to someone you trust etc. you do not go back for more i am begging.) (if someone is showing you these things on purpose then please read this website all the way through for me ok?)

you should not be looking at an adult exploring/enjoying fucked up shit

videogames are not going to make you or me more violent by having violence, gore, and murder in them. but videogames DO make some people violent. those people should not have access to these things. but we (you and i) cannot control that beyond making sure content is labelled and set aside. i like playing games where i assassinate people. i am not an assassin. someone could play the same game and get terrible ideas they act on. this is not my fault for playing the game.

and, if you're an adult who likes fucked up shit (me too) tag your shit or have it listed somewhere on your about that it's something you post about frequently there. and maybe reiterate that it's not real. its just toys. and should never be followed irl. yeah, it fuckin sucks that we gotta do this shit, but kids are unfortunately on the internet, with the inability to differentiate grey from black and white. your shit might be the first exposure. which sucks!! so it's our responsibility to try and mitigate harm on both sides unfortunately until we can convince parents to start parenting their children again. which sucks. i just wanna post shit in peace but the buzzing around from very loud teenagers makes me anxious. i get it.

it fucking sucks!!! but we can't control other people, especially if theyre malicious

but you control what YOU see on the internet. block anyone. (i blocked someone back in the day for disliking johndave. be free.) and help people do that (control what they see) by making it very clear. you aren't evil for not wanting to see it, and other people aren't evil for enjoying fucked up content.

also some of yall on BOTH SIDES do some truly vile shit in the name of this argument when your energy could be spent elsewhere doing shit you like or even doing things that are actually. Helpful.

so i don't like either label i dont want to be associated with either of the sides but if you want to call me one or the other then . Whatever i guess? thats your business, not mine. just know you are not a failure or a freak for not constantly reinforcing and reassuring everyone that you think adults doing their own thing in fictional spaces with little toy dolls (that theyve been doing since the 70s-80s) is gross. you can just think that like. in general and look away because the dolls are dolls. but don't go posting doll horn-knees untagged. that's rude as fuck.

#community infighting is NOT the way. everyone thinks we're ALL fucking weird. just IGNORE each other #timaeus posting #mumbling #dirk is holding me at gun point to post this because he's Tired tm

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infoglitch · 1 year ago

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Moment of bliss

(so as much I'd like to make a whiteknight series I ain't the greatest when it comes to ideas, maybe I am just a Lancaster shipper at heart plus I'm batshit terrified of messing up characterization)

Regardless, enjoy rat bastards.

WARNING: mentions and showing of alcohol. If you got a problem with that skip this.

Also I am VERY bad at writing .

Jaune felt a lump in his throat as he was mentally shitting himself silly as he stood infront of a large apartment, the temporary home of one icy heiress or as she was actually named. Weiss schnee.

Jaune tried to calm himself down as he was thinking to himself.

Jaune: come on jaune, you were in a war with a immortal being surely a little date shouldn't be freaking you out.

Jaune: oh but what if I mess up and shes still holding a grudge against me for everything I did in beacon? Oh gods what if there's karaoke and she thinks I picked it because I wanted to sing-

"ENOUGH". That word rang through head as he took a deep breath and exhaled.

Jaune: get ahold of yourself. You got this. Just knock and ask her out. It's not like she's gonna freeze you as soon you ask. Hopefully not... Maybe..

Jaune raised his hand and was about to knock on the door before the door opened as one ice queen was standing in front of him as she frowned as she was on the scroll with someone.

Weiss: i keep telling you, I don't care if this could help with raising the SDC up, im not going to take that deal. Now please stop calling me.

Weiss hung up as she seemed pissed before finally noticing jaune.

Weiss: oh. Uh hello jaune, I was just coming out to get some air, what did you need?

Jaune just looked at her as he seemed a tad worried.

Jaune: business troubles?

Weiss just sighed before nodding as she put her scroll away.

Weiss: one of my father's old business partners are trying to stay a part of the board of executives and tried to suggest we partner with some rival company, galaw dust manufacturing I think was its name. Regardless, once again, what do you need?

Jaune: oh well I wanted to know if you wanted to hangout with me and ruby at the hall of huntsmen.

Jaune: liar. Just say the damn truth, don't wrap more of your friends up in the potential humiliation

Weiss looked at him before sighing. She looked away before shaking her head and redirecting her gaze.

Weiss: apologies jaune but I'll have to decline. I think I've had my fair share of ruby fangirling over the huntsmen and huntresses of old.

Jaune: oh. Ok well I'll see you around then.

Jaune turned and began walking away before Weiss spoke

Weiss: very well, and jaune. Your terrible at lying.

Jaune stopped in his tracks as his face went pale before looking at a smug Weiss.

Weiss: I've been around fake faces throughout my childhood, I can tell when someone lies to me. I have some coffee brewing if your interested.

Jaunes brain was still processing the fact that Weiss called out him on his very bad lie. Until the rest of what she said hit him as his face was redder than Ruby's cloak with a stupid smile plastered his face.

Jaune: welp. Might not got a date but we still get to hang out with her.

We cut to a cup of coffee with the schnee family crest on it, with jaune looking in aw.

Jaune: how did a coffee brewer make this? I'm used to the basic settings for designs.

Weiss: it didn't, I did. Besides it's a simple design.

Jaune: wait, when did you learn to make coffee?

Weiss: turns out, Blake is an incredible barista, though considering how long she reads her... Filth I'm not surprised she makes coffee.

Jaune: oh. That's neat, and thinking about it, it makes sense, also wait did you just say Blake reads po-

Weiss: POINT is, yes I can make coffee, so don't act like it's a miracle.

Jaune: right yeah, sorry.

Weiss: now, onto a lighter subject, I have a game for both of us, however it does involve alcohol so if we do play you'll be here for night. For obvious reasons.

Jaune: understood snow angel. Whats the game?

Weiss: two truths, one lie. With the new rule of if whoever spot 10 lies in a row the loser has to tell an embarrassing secret that they would normally take to their grave. Make sense?

Jaune nodded as Weiss smirked, she got up and soon came with a bottle of whiskey and wine as well as with two shot glasses.

Weiss: one last thing. If one of us gets it wrong, we have to take a shot so pick your poison jaune.

Jaune nodded before taking a long look. Before eventually grabbing the whiskey bottle and shaking it a bit. Weiss just nodded and pushed the wine aside.

Weiss: round one. I'll start easy. I never had a pet, I had a ton of stuffed animals, and I hated my brother for being a suckup.

Jaune: uh the second one.

Weiss nodded as jaune smiled.

Jaune: now my turn. I'll increase the difficulty a little. I wanted to fight Neptune when I first saw him. I faked my transcripts and I sniffed my pet dog Shelby's ass once.

Weiss thought about it for a few moments as she seemed to find her answer as she seemed confident in it.

Weiss: you may have been a dolt but theres no way you faked your transcripts.

Jaune nervously chuckled at that before clearing his throat.

Jaune: I... Did fake my transcripts.

Weiss went quiet before her eye twitched.

Weiss: you mean. You faked your transcripts to get into beacon, w-why?!

Jaune: i never got any training from my dad and wasn't allowed to go to any combat schools, so I never got a letter of recommendation or the chance to actually get an authentic transcript. So I uh.. faked mine.

Weiss went quiet again as she simply poured herself a glass. As she looked at him.

Weiss: are you sure you faked your transcripts and you aren't just lying to yourself?

Jaune: I'm sure Weiss.

Weiss:so what was the lie?

jaune: I did have a dog named Shelby, but I never once sniffed her ass.

Weiss:... I can't believe I had enough faith that you were trained

Weiss takes a swig before placing down the glass as her face had a tinge of pink.

Weiss: m-my turn. I can hold my liquor more than my mother. I thought Neptune was the ideal guy for awhile and Im Really sexually repressed, like if I could i'd try every position and understandable kink, atleast once.

Jaune: as much as I wish the last one is a lie, your already blushing after oneshot. Your a lightweight Weiss.

Weiss:... I hate this game now.

Jaune: you suggested it. Here if you want I can get the next one wrong on purp-

Weiss: don't even FINISH that thought. If we're doing this... We're playing fair... Even if its BULLSHIT how you already have TWO in a ROW.

Jaune just nodded and chuckled softly at the heiress's aggravation.

Jaune: ok. My turn. I met ruby after you and her had the... Incident, yang for some reason was my wing woman during beacon, and i could beat pyrrha in a arm wrestling contest.

Weiss just looked at him and narrowed her eyes.

Weiss: no way on the gods green grass you could beat pyrrha at arm wrestling.

Jaune: yep. Anytime we did she'd always win.

Weiss: figured. No offense but during beacon you were a noodle compared to the rest of us

Jaune: no offense taken. I definitely was a noodle during beacon. Though technically I still am

Weiss: not really. You have gotten a lot more definition to your body.

There was a small pause as Weiss went red as she looked away.

Weiss: f-from the surface level atleast.

Jaune smiled softly and the night continued on as the two would talk and drink. Enjoying this moment of bliss. Who knows what fate will have for them but whatever comes.. these moments will always be priceless.

Ofcourse theres also you dear reader, what might you find in looking into this single night? That depends on what you want to see.

(feel free to continue on with this. It's always nice seeing others interpretation)

#rwby #jaune arc #rwby white knight #rwby whiteknight #whiteknight #weiss x jaune #jaune arc x weiss schnee #weiss schnee

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uriekukistan · 2 months ago

Note

hope u r feeling better soon. what are your favorite fics? also, what's your writing process?

wahh thank you !! i'm feeling mostly better already :D and thank you for the ask !!

in terms of favorite fics hmmm i have quite a few but i'll limit myself a bit. recently i made some of my bookmarks public on my ao3 tho so you could go check those out too !!

if you're chill w graphic cannibalism, i definitely recommend before i begin to enjoy the metallic taste by @flowingredscale. i loveee the descriptions, so well written

on the opposite side, katawaredoki by @sanguineerose is very soft and lovely. feels like warm sun coming through the window. i've also been keeping up with their multichapter fic you give me so many butterflies. cat sukuna, down bad yuuji, parental stsg...love.

about the mugs by @xx-juju is one of my all time favs too its so skjfgdj

and finally, the classic here and where you are by cityboys. genuinely if i'm feeling very pent up and just need to force myself to let it out, i read this. gets me every single time.

in terms of my writing process i can identify a pretty solid pattern at this point.

get new idea. usually comes to me as a vision from the gods

run to discord to tell the bestie @melloneah about my new idea. actually for a while i was very secretive abt my ideas/writing process but now i share a lot of my new thoughts w them and its vital to my creative process

outline the fic. ik some ppl just write w their heart but i Cannot. sometimes things get added as i'm writing or they shift around, but i think it helps w keeping things connected and well-paced if i know ahead of time what will happen.

just start writing. i always write in chronological order bc it also helps w keeping things connected and well-paced, especially if i end up changing something as i write

obligatory panic stage. this is actually a new thing for me where im like. done w my fic and i'm getting ready to share it and then all of a sudden i freak out and end up postponing posting it. very frustrating and i hate it

editing/proofreading. i used to edit like. minimum of 3 times before posting but idk recently i've been doing this less. my main proofreading/editing is right before i post the fic/chapter. i find that if i do it at any other point im mostly just skimming and not paying attention. i need the urgency of "okay this is the final version"

that's kinda it. i feel like it's not that special but idk 😭😭😭😭 like the words just get in the doc idk how

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snaillock · 11 months ago

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bllk boys helping their bf through his period

feat. sae, isagi, nagi

am having the worsssttt cramps rn so im revisiting this ancient ass draft (it’s really just from early july) and im abt to have a self indulgent fest with this enjoy!!

tags: afab/transmale!reader, descriptions of dysphoria and periods, clueless but cute boyfriends

sae itoshi

★ finding out that you started your period definitely explains why you were snappier with him despite you usually being so patient with his sassy and curt retorts.

★ you’re most likely his first relationship since he’s mainly been focused on soccer for literally his entire life so he has no previous experiences dealing stuff like this. so if you need anything you’ll have to tell him directly.

★ he definitely expresses his best love by giving you things you need and helping you out in any way he can. so you could literally ask him for anything and it will be done as quickly as it takes for him to pull out his credit card (which is very fast by the way.)

★ he would buy you some expensive teas since he heard they can help with the pain. does he have any clue on how to brew them? no. did you have to walk him through every step of the process by yelling out instructions from the living room all the way to the kitchen? yes you did.

★ even though it was a bit too bitter, his first attempt actually wasn’t that bad at all.

★ he wants to spend way more time with you even if his agent or coach complains about it. he does not care at all. he will be staying with you until you feel much better.

★ during his time off taking care of you, you can tell that he’s a lot more affectionate with you. he’s way more cuddly than usual and gives you plenty of kisses. if you try to bring it up with him, he’ll just deny it, claiming that he’s only giving you his body heat to help with your cramps (when he could literally just buy a heating pad if that was. the case like ok man).

★ despite your dysphoria acting up and telling you otherwise, sae will never treat you any different even when he sees this side of you. you will always be his beloved boyfriend even if he has trouble expressing that to you

★ well expressing that to you verbally at least. once your period is over, he will surprise you with a bunch of new clothes in your style to help sooth your dysphoria in his own way.

isagi yoichi

★ he may seem calm on the outside when you reluctantly told him but inside he is panicking. he’s just desperately trying to keep a chill demeanor for your sake.

★ he has absolutely no idea on how to help you but he is trying his best. he frantically looks up anything online that could help and speed reads through like ten different advice articles within a minute. (for sure has looked up “how to help boyfriend on his period” before)

★ if you’re ever insecure/worried that this whole situation being weird or even uncomfortable for him, then he will instantly gain back all his composure to reassure you that it’s okay and none of this grosses him out. he’ll make sure that you know none of this makes him see you as less of a man and that he loves him nonetheless

★ now that he’s super focused on just making you feel comfortable with your period, he’ll spend extra time in bed with you. he’s more than happy to take a day off and just movies with you (or just naps together if you wanna sleep the cramps away.)

★ he is so damn encouraging. if you’re experiencing a particularly painful cramp, he’ll immediately run off to get you some pain medicine before holding you close to physically comfort you through it.

nagi seishiro

★ the fact that you’re on your period doesn’t freak him out at all really. though he is very confused so he just texts reo every two minutes on what he should do. of course reo is more than happy to help out but it does get a little annoying when nagi asks him every little thing that he should honestly just google. (he’s just so used to his best friend’s help ok?😔)

★ he’s willing to put away (most) of his laziness aside to help you out because he knows you would do the same for him whenever he feels unwell.

★ literally the best cuddle partner you could ask for right now. that 190 cm mans is basically your personal heated blanket with extremely long legs. honestly an amazing deal.

★ he’s more than happy to just relax with you and just play video games while snacking on any sweet foods that you’re craving together.

★ if you’re too weak to want to walk on your own, then he will carry you around the house if you need to move somewhere. he loves doing it because he does NOT want to separate from you once you get out of bed. the only time he’ll let go is when you need to use the bathroom but he will mope around right outside the door.

★ if you express any insecurities caused by your dysphoria, he will put down his game and immediately smother you into the bed, not giving you any opportunities to doubt yourself any further. his body practically cocooning you with his nonchalant words on how you’ll always be a man in his eyes instantly cheers you up. nagi’s cuddles are the best dysphoria treatment (real!)

please read and respect my dni/byf before reblogging/following

taglist(sign up here!): @leosxrealm @lucas2060 @kiiyoooo @remy-roll @catmisu

#★ snail.writes ★#blue lock #blue lock x male reader #blue lock x reader #blue lock x trans male reader #sae itoshi x male reader #sae itoshi x reader #isagi yoichi x reader #isagi yoichi x male reader #nagi seishiro x male reader #nagi seishiro x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock headcanons #blue lock scenarios #blue lock comfort #male reader #trans male reader #ftm reader #wrote this while suffering (cramping)

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v1nsmoke · 1 year ago

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𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑪𝑰𝑹𝑪𝑼𝑺 // 𝑩𝑼𝑮𝑮𝒀 𝑿 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹

spooktober week 4 - psycho clown buggy story, opla buggy in mind

tw: daggers/blades, fire, blood, descriptions of injury, buggy shit

summary: enslaved as a member in a crazy pirate clown's circus, you decide it's time for you to escape - but things don't work out like you wanted them to.

a/n: OPLA BUGGY IN MIND! Im personally not much of a buggy person but he fit well with the halloween prompt, so here we go i guess. Honestly whenever i think of buggy i picture the live action version lmao

tags: -

wc: 2k

You throw another thing in your suitcase, then shut it. After months of imprisonment in this stupid, psycho clown's stupid psycho circus, it was time for you to leave. You had enough of him and his show, how he held his audience captive and how he treated the members of the circus, calling them his 'freaks' and not giving a shit about them.

You were just looking for the right moment to leave, and now seemed like it. He was too focused on his show, he wouldn't notice if you just left. Oh, how you wanted to see his face when he finds out that you are gone! But luckily you won't be here by the time this happens. You'll be long gone, far away from this madness.

Though, compared to the others, he always had some hints of favouritism towards you for unknown reasons. Some light touches, sweeter words, lingering stares, all these were not pointed out by any of the mindless idiots working here. It seemed like you were the only one actually working here with a brain, some others even being so dumb that their minds couldn't process what the clown said sometimes.

You let out a deep sigh as you grab the handle of your suitcase, ready to sneak out. You had been planning this ever since he caught you and made you work for him, you can't mess it up. You push your room's door open with a quiet creak. Looking around, you notice that nobody was out, everyone performing inside the tent.

The circus music fades away as you get furter away from it, panting as you run trough the demolished town. He did this everywhere he went, death and destruction followed him no matter where he was. You wished you could do something about it, but he was a crazy clown, a strong one, and no matter what you did, there was just no way you could defeat him. So, if you couldn't save everyone, you will save yourself.

But it seemed like the worst idea, because suddenly you felt somebody tap your shoulder, making you freeze in your steps. You slowly turn you head around, only to notice a hand there. Just the hand. Nobody was there, just this one hand floating. This is a bad dream, this is a bad dream! Your legs were shaking, your mind trying to figure out what was happening. Just then, a mysterious gas starts to linger in the air, one that you could remember well. He used it so many times, not on you, but on others. But you just stood there, shocked, not running away like you should've. Bad idea.

The world around you starts to fade to black, your body landing in the dirt with a thud sound, unable to move. It takes all your might to fight against the gas, but you're unable to win against it.

~●~

It was back. The annoying circus music, the fake laugh of the audience, the pain in them evident. Not to Buggy, though. He somehow thought they were all enjoying his show. You realised that hearing this meant you were back in the circus, which also meant your escape was unsuccessful. All that planning, and now you messed your chance up.

"Looks like somebody's awakeee!" The familiar voice chimes in with a chuckle. You try to run away, but it's like your hands and legs are tied. Maybe because they were. You look down, noticing that you were tied to a circular, wooden structure. You've seen it in action, Cabaiji used it as a target, a living human in the middle. And now it looks like you were the living human in the middle.

"I see you noticed." He gestures to you, a dagger between each of his fingers like claws, the blade shining in the colourful circus lighting. He probably noticed how your eyes widened when realising what will happen to you.

"Don't worry. There's no guarantee that I'll actually hit you! But there are always chances." His tone shifts with each sentence that leave his painted lips.

Just then, you feel the structure move, the circus starting to spin with you. The people force a laugh when the board is being shown, clearly not because they were entertained. The situation was bad the way it is, the fact that there was an audience making it worse, everybody from all ages, including kids watching in horror as you were about to die.

A dagger pierces trough the air, drilling into the wood, landing right next to your head.

"Hm, looks like you got lucky this time. Let's see if you can pull this off again!" He laughs, and a member of staff spins the wheel again, now you're turning faster than the first time.

It felt horrific, the laughs, the agitating music all mixing together with the wind coming from the speed, all echoing in your ears. The world spinning while your ears rang, you maybe had a headache from it all but it was nothing compared to what you felt a second later.

A sharp sting in your body followed by your pained scream breaks trough the jolly melody of laughs and music. Blood trickles down to your shoes, all from the wound caused by the wound on your thigh, the dagger still deep in your flesh.

"Well, just as I expected. Luck wasn't on your side this time." Buggy chuckles, leaning back and forth.

~●~

You let out a hiss as the disinfectant sinks into the wound, the one caused by the clown. You were lucky he let you go, but he only did it so he can do the same trick the next day, and the next until he kills you with this. And you were not going to let this happen.

You were going to attempt an escape again. But this time, you will try to help others, too. You'll do the honour of ending the clown's circus here and now.

So, you stand up - as much as you could, the wound still making it harder -, and head to the circus stage in the tent where Buggy was planning. You were in luck, he was alone there with everybody else sleeping given the fact that it was nighttime already.

You push the striped tarp open, entering. You see him standing there, deep in thought. You take slow, silent steps towards him, making him look at you.

"Oh, an unexpected guest. And what brings you here?" He asks, tone shifing after every word.

You inch closer to him, barely anything between the two of you. The man stares at you with his big, ocean blue orbs with his face painted around it, maybe too prettily for your taste. You were going to kill him, goddamnit! But if he keeps looking at you like this, you'll get weak and just give up.

No. You can't let this chance go. You hated this man, you wanted to kill him, torture him in the worst ways possible until he dies in a brutal way. At least that's what you were telling yourself. The truth? You just wanted to escape. To not be used in this show, and for him to stop it. If he just let the people in the audience go, if he gave up on getting famous this way...

"Do it." He whispers, a gloomy look on his face, his ice cold colour eyes filled with emotion, the dim blueish light reflecting in them. This was something you have never really seen. He always treats people with cruelty, but his gaze always softens when talking about something that means anything to him.

Shanks was mentioned once, and his expression changed the moment he heard the name. On that day, you learnt that he did have emotions deep down. And now, in this moment, he looked at you exactly like this. He somehow looked innocent, like he did no wrong in the entire world.

But he did wrong things, and you knew it well. He was the one responsible for the wound on your leg, and for the suffering of innocent citizens.

"Do what?" You ask in a quiet tone, putting on an act. Deep down you had a feeling that you failed and he knew your plan, but hope dies last, so you just kept pretending.

"I know you have a lighter in your pocket. And I know what you want to do with it." He says quietly.

So he knew. You didn't know how, but he did. Maybe he wasn't lying when he said he had eyes and ears everywhere. What will you do now? You knew that you had to put an end to the suffering of others, to burn this place to the ground. But Buggy...

"And why would you let me do that?" You inquire, honestly suprised that he just said 'do it' some moments ago. Why would he let you destroy everything he built? He wanted to be king of the pirates, chasing the same dream as thousands, maybe millions of pirates. And if his crew and audience was free, he would be alone. There had to be a good reason for hin to say this.

"You know, over the years, many other pirates or bounty hunters have tried to kill me. To take my head off for money or fame. But none of them succeeded. You know why? My ability, my devil fruit makes it impossible for them. They slice me in half, chop me up, but I'll always put myself back together. I can't die, you know. Not by these methods. But maybe fire will put me down. And I'm going to be honest with you. If somebody ever succeeds in killing me, I want it to be you."

Silence sat between the two of you after this, you trying to process what he said, and Buggy waiting for your next step. You saw him use his ability once, he was saying the truth. It was a hard decision. You didn't really want to murder him, you just wanted to free the members of the circus and end the endless demolition of peaceful towns.

"Not going to kill me? Because if you decide to spare my life, I'll end yours!" He lashes towards you, a dagger in hand. You weren't ready for a one against one match against him, he was a devil fruit user, and you were a normal, average human. But you had to do something, so you grab your own dagger, dodge the hand, and try to land an attack on him. He gets out your way, focusing on your dagger, but doesn't notice the lighter in your other hand.

He grabs the collar of your shirt, and tosses you into the lined tarpaulin of the tent, which makes you bounce off and results in you falling between the benches of the auditorium. Wrong move. The benches were made of wood. You ignite the lighter, holding it dangerously close to the bench above you. And just as you expected, it cacthes on fire, the flame spreading trough the circus.

Buggy's eyes widen, realisation hitting him hard. Was this your plan all along? He didn't know, but you did it. To actually see everything catch on flame, burning to the ground, everything he built so far, now about to be gone. He couldn't do anything, and even if it wasn't all that visible on his exterior, he was panicking inside. A bunch of silent 'no''s leave his trembling lips, not even caring where you are right now.

Meanwhile, you took the opportunity and escaped from the burning tent. Smoke fills the air as you leave the tent, heading straight towards where the other members and the audience was locked. You look back at what you've done, the orange flames illuminating the dark, night sky, the light reflecting on your face and in your eyes.

~●~

You pick up the crowbar, smashing it against the lock of the innocent citizen's cage. They all look at you with suprise, still, delighted that somebody came to their rescue.

"He'll kill you if he finds out, leave while you can!" The man says, genuine worry lacing his voice.

"I tried, don't worry. But I'm not going to let everybody else suffer." You break the chain, freeing the man.

Now, with all the members freed, you were ready to finally start a new life, one without psycho clowns and a circus.

buggy the clown and one piece belongs to eiichiro oda

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