#im sure other ppl have already tho
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wish-i-were-heather · 2 months ago
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OH ALSO ALSO ALSO.
so i saw the barnes and noble special edition of the grandest game and i was sooo tempted to buy it because i was like omg its so pretty also i need the special content but i didnt wanna buy a whole copy of the same book for the few extra scenes at the end
so
i may or may not have just taken pictures of the pages
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tariah23 · 6 months ago
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toytulini · 6 months ago
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if you draw enough monster ocs, when you go back to drawing a human character, it feels like "sameface syndrome" everytime, by virtue of their face being. human.
#toy txt post#or maybe i am just sameface syndrome#but also different face syndrome#two characters will have the same face but then the next time i draw those characters its a different face than they had last time!#i know part of it is being out of practice but also there is definitely an element of feeling constrained by human facial structure lmao#the monsters have Their Own Problems but like. no one has a face like bokrae no matter how inconsistent i am about drawing her#her features are iconic enough to her that you can tell everytime#birdie???? i faceclaimed eartha kitt for her and im still struggling cos i feel weird about faceclaiming as a concept#but even then 😭 one time i was trying to give headloose a face and someone was like wow he looks like birdie!#me 😭😭😭😭😭 what!!!!!! hes not supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to practice. features#you know the worst part about coming up w a bunch of fuckin Scenarios in my brain for ocs is that i have even fucking Drawn them yet#to give them like. iconic staple features and figure out what their faces look like. which feels like it would really help to have that#knowledge and muscle memory before i jump into trying to draw intense scenes with difficult poses!!#not to mention. listen. i can do the monster faces. somewhat. the bodies??????????? well for one. theyre too big everytime#im convinced i could be trying to draw bokrae on like a full ass wall size paper like a mural thing and run out of room. it just keeps#happening. i have no sense of scale for them either. by which i mean i struggle w scale already and also cant decide what i want it to be#and ive tried to handwave it away by being like ohhh uh. birdie casts spells on them to change their sizes for convenience but also#no. perhaps that explanation works for other ppl. @ myself tho its not good enough i Know Better!!!!!!#agh!!!!!!! i really need to figure out bokrae's Teeth also. like i dont. i coukd get away with it. but i should. and i want to.#anyway all this to say that i need to give these characters faces and body designs (actually the body designs for humanoid ocs is the easy#part. the faces are whats stumping me? well. i need more practice w all the body types again but like i Know what im Going For at least.#for the most part anyway. havent fully figured out heights. struggling w characters that i want to make short but give imposing tall energy#on occasion? birdie can be short all day long no problem. I want Alasdair to be short enough that he has a bunch of short boyfriends that#feel tall around him? bytte was going to be like 6ft max but then i thought about making her taller and like. what if i made her taller#headloose is not that /short/ but he is Not Tall and prolly pretty lean? twink build for sure#and of course all these short /tall distinctions come with a bias of relativity to my own height which i categorize as medium height#but short ppl call me tall and insist its not average and tall ppl call me short. (5'6) and then i have to factor in how the gender changes#the dynamic of a height like my height is Short For A Man but medium to tall for a Woman. which id argue is medium height bc mens heights#are socially held to high standards (hehe) and also i know ethnicity/race is also a factor? but im out of tags. rip. bye
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dreamieparadise · 4 months ago
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Can- can I ask about the Somali pirates?
Hi hi, Lili! Yes, of course. Tbh I shouldn't have called them "pirates" they are known as such and treated like villains, but they're more like unofficial naval guard! The official naval guard was disbanded in the 90's due to the civil war that broke out [btw this civil war is why I'm diaspora! My maternal family fled to Djibouti or elsewhere. My dad came to Canada due to it.] Anyway! Other nations took advantage of this as they tended to do and started fishing illegally in the waters! Somali citizens rely on fishing to live [also farming and agriculture bc I also recall there was a drought and famine going on] so they turned to "piracy" to stop these thieves from stealing from them! Of course, these outsiders didn't like it and called it "piracy." they shouldn't be there in the first place!!!
BFJRKRKRKR I TALKED IM THE TAGS AND REACHED THE LIMIT I AM SO SORRY LMAOOOOO
Other than Puntland there is also Jubbaland ok lol I love talking about my people's history too much
#momo's fantastical replies#so anyway I saw other Somali ppl calling them the naval guard and jumped on it#but I have always gotten heated when ppl treated Somali Pirates like villains#but iirc even South Park defended them? lol they even got ppl speaking Somali in it!#talking about how they did this for survival!#lili#lixenn#also yeah sure they fuck ppl up but I consider this a 'fuck around and find out'#stop taking advantage of poor countries!!! especially when they are due to outside meddling forces!!#random but somalia makes me so sad bc of how destablized it is#somaliland is a lot more peaceful and has been but recently its gotten more dangerous due to#Somalia's destablization#djibouti seems fine as ever tho lol happy for them but wish somalia would fuck off already [with somaliland]#lili if you are wondering djibouti/somalia/somaliland and parts of kenya and ethiopoa#ethiopia* are all where Somali ppl are from#the parts of K and E were stolen while Somali ppl were getting colonized [so fuck Kenya and Ethiopia too tbh! who does that?]#but all 5 places are why Somalia's flag is a 5 point star! this siginifies we are all one#its funny bc Somaliland was a country before Somalia but then joined Somalia bc of false promises Somalia made#anyway the false promises was unity but the president/dictator named Mohamed Siad Barre#was all 'we should all band together...and kill Isaaq tribe! true unity after for real though'#and then Darood and I a few other major tribes tried that#Isaaq survived but there was in fact a genocide#they fled to what is Somaliland today! apparently they keep the bullet holes in the structure to remember what Darood/Somalia did#bc to these day these bitches deny it#diaspora somali ppl from somalia are especially insistend of this and im like...you stupid puppet you werent even there#I know this despite being Darood bc my parents arent puppets and also my mom is Isaaq tribe#what else? oh there are other places as Somali ppl within Africa become disapora#so strange right?#there is also Puntland [based off the ancient land that is said to be Ancient Somalia--#fun fact our queen from that time named Queen Arrarwelo was said to be friends with Queen Sheba of ancient Ethiopia]
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orcelito · 20 days ago
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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lixbf · 4 months ago
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ive been playing so much hades 2 atp i feel like the first Big early access patch is gonna legit change my life....
#SPOILER WARNING FOR THE TAGS SKIP IF YOU RLY DONT WANNA KNOW MORE ABT HADES 2#omgggg once the surface path gets an update..... more stuff being there after you defeat eris... getting to olympus maybe??!??!#also a new weapon being added like im excited already#i keep imagining like what if when you get closer to olympus you can actually meet some of the gods?? (maybe even like ares or athena hhhh)#and omg whos gonna be the guardian of the area after eris#and whos gonna be the idk-the-name-for-whatever-arachne-and-echo-are of that area???#i kinda hope its another witchy person bc so far for the surface those ppl have been some kind of witch/sorceress#idk who that could be tho..... is cassandra witch-adjacent??#ok so you need that time sand (which you get from chronos) and entropy (which youre gonna get from the surface) for the dissolution of time#so which figure from greek mythology would make sense as someone youd get entropy from (i have no idea im only like 5 pages into the iliad)#im just so excited for everything theyre gonna do w this game#going back to the next surface area stuff. ive been making myself get used to seeing eris not as the final guardian#aka i cant almost die to her bc that would severely fuck up the rest of that run once theres more after her#and i cant pick the knucklebones for her bc theres gonna at least one more guardian after her who may be more difficult so i gotta save that#also im slowly but surely getting all the keepsakes to the highest level#also trying to get as many of the prophecies as possible rn and why are two of the chaos blessing so so difficult to get#kinda makes me wish their keepsake would idk make chaos gates spawn more often or smth like that....#bc then id have Some chance to get a chaos gate after i actually have a duo boon gndvcndhdb#also i gotta let some random enemies kill me more often if i see a gate so maybe i can get that other blessing idk.....
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bangcakes · 11 months ago
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#personal#ok whatever. ive decided to go all in. like what?? am i just gonna sit around hoping he'll message me???#someone has to make a move and CLEARLY it has to be me NDNNDJDJDJDJDJDJSJ#tho to be fair its like. holidays JJDJDJDJDJD#i also dont know if ive mentioned this detail. but im 2 years older. so idk if That also plays a factor.#like maybe thats intimidating. idk#i just !!!! dont want this chance to pass by. so im gonna like.... Make Moves even if !!!!! it means that he'll know i like him#like ...... ok assuming he doesnt already know NDJJDJDJDJD#im sure i get GooGoo eyes u know#but n e way...... literally i have nothing to lose#like i have more to lose if i do nothing JDJJDJDJDJDJND#hhhhh god. ive been thinking about this for days. weeks even maybe. hhhhhhhhhhhh.....#but also like i think itll just be good to hang iut as friends for a bit bc like ik him in a school setting and ive hung out with him#(along with others) outside of school twice#but like... ya idk id like to know him better b4 im like YA UR THE ONE.#tho like im already thinking he is NDJJDJDJFJFJ. god............ it could just be a culmination of different things making me think that#and like i think ppl can have multiple 'the ones' or whatever#and like idk b4 him i was actually settled on being single LMAO. so like my options are pretty stacked already#like ok 1. him. and 2. me. i mean......... thats 10/10....#i'll be heartbroken if he doesnt feel the same or we dont work out but..... i mean.... whatever JDJXJXJDJZMZM#i was fine b4 i met him and i'll be fine after........
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sad--tree · 8 months ago
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also currently trying 2 talk my mum in2 doing a trip in august to see family out west who i havent seen since i was single digits in age and like. i genuinely for realsies want 2 see those aunts n uncles but also...... i kinda really just wanna see metallica live. this is just a 2 birds 1 stone type of situation. srry 2 my aunts n uncles. yall r at least 55% an excuse 2 go out there in the first place.
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phagodyke · 9 months ago
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damn I rly have another 4 weeks of holiday this year huh. I should start making some plans
#well maybe more like 3 weeks bc I wanna keep some to use for long weekends or day trips#but thats still kind of a lot..#my problem is i dont wanna take time off just to stay at home bc I do that most weekends. but im not sure I rly wanna go anywhere either#I dont mind travelling but its very much just a function for me. even when im travelling for fun + not bc I Have to it feels no different#Im v independent but I just dont rly have the adventurers spirit. plus im disabled so going new places alone is so stressful sometimes#ugh I dont wanna let my parents catch wind of how much holiday i have tho bc theyll be like come stay with us for a week!#i will Kill Myself no thanks#theyll probs already get christmas with me and thats an ordeal enough#its the expense as well idk how much its worth it. even if i can afford it like that money couldve gone into so many other things#ahhh.#my flatmate did suggest we go somewhere together but i feel like shes gone off that idea.. ik she doesnt get as much holiday anyway#id feel bad eating into it just so she has to spend more time with me even tho we already live together. nightmarish ik#there are maybe some landscapes id like to see but not alone bc id wanna hike but i dont rly have any friends into that kinda hiking#like i cant rly just fuck off into the mountains for a week by myself the risk is stupid#i dont knooooow. maybe ill just do myself a cornwall trip v early or late summer when kids are in school that might be nice#bc its just trains to get there. and ive spent a lot of time alone there before like it wouldnt be as stressful as a New Place entirely#i wanna do a music festival in the summer too but rly id only need 2 days holiday for that. and again i cant rly go alone#so i need to find ppl to convince to come w me#god i feel so lame for not rly wanting to go on proper holidays. but its never felt worth it to me sorry 😭#blame the childhood trauma or whatever#ill stew on it and maybe ill think of something we'll see. ive got a while yet before id need to book stuff anyway#gotta do some more cleaning today but the sooner i can get it done the sooner i can play elden ring 🙏🙏🙏🙏#.diaries
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tkbrokkoli · 2 years ago
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a colleague of mine used to be a professional athlete in the 80s and today she showed me and another colleague photographs from back then and she casually mentioned that two of her team mates outed themselves as trans men and two as lesbians later in life and i was like !!!!!! im
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#i want to write more but im not sure what im feeling and how to express it#she used the phrase 'man in a woman's body' to mean they are trans man which i found v good actually#bc she seemed to fully except and support them. these guys and dykes should be in their late 50s now i think? idk any older queer ppl#so having an older colleague casually mention that felt v good#also they all were from a small town i think#just like me!!! i know several of my high school friends are also queer. like. me and at least 2 others#but we all outed ourselves way later. years after high school#oh fuck i just realized i completely misspelled 'accept'. i've had a long week ugh#anyway tomorrow i gotta make a horrible phone call w my broken phone and i already hate it and i'm dreading it#abt my phone. it doesn't charge anymore so i have it turned off at all times so i can make phone calls when the urgent need arises#and tomorrow i have to call electrician. not bc i want to but bc i was ordered to and i absolutely fucking hate it#*an electrician. or a janitor. idk yet#the other person who could call instead of me is just straight up rejecting to do it but it rly urgently needs to be Done#so im gonna have to step up as the mature person now and i tell myself 'it needs to be done end of discussion'#but i hate that i am always always always the person who has to take care of uncomfortable things like making phone calls and shit#like. i get it. it's necessary. there will always be phone calls i have to make. it's just. why me??? i fucking hate this shit!!! AAAAAAAHHH#anyway i should go to bed. i haven't checked my notifs yet it's been a rly exhausting week. hope you guys are ok thi#*tho
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snekdood · 2 years ago
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Damn well. One of the clear ways you can tell my ex is bullshitting about me being anywhere near conservative is the fact that i get along well w the left leaning portion of my family vs the right leaning portion whomst i Do Not get along with or interact with
#my gma is probably the most liberal irish old lady you could know#like can we stop pretending sbsjsbnsns#admit that i got into that dumb shit bc i liked the magic part and would have 100% left if i knew what the other shit was implying#there Wasnt. infact. other intentions.#i was literally 14 years old. my biggest intention was to sleep draw and smoke weed.#i did not have the brain capacity or mental capacity or planning ability to have other intentions behind it.#i was paranoid and i wanted to protect myself. im not sure where i got lost tho bc literally nothing ever said anything about jewish ppl#either its as i remember it- and no one mentioned it back then outright- or its always been that way and i somehow blissfully#walked past it interpreting it as something a christian priest would do.#i kinda feel like its as i remember it. krazy how my memory of things is oft correct#anyways hello random person who might be reading these tags. i used to think all those conspiracy theories were about christian#conservatives because loterally HOW DOES IT NOT SOUND LIKE SOMETHING THEYRE FAR MORE LIKELY TO DO.#i just liked the chakras and crystals and aliens n shit but literally its the alien belief that brings you over there AND LET ME BE CLEAR#aliens are prolly real but the conspiracy theories ppl come up w about them sure as fuck arent#regardless. somehow i walked through all of that w/o ever adapting the idea that 'jewish people bad' which seems to be an idea that was#pushed or more obvious later on as the years progressed?#idk. shits wack#idk how i missed that shit but i do think it might be because i avoided any conspiracy theory website that said anything with 'God' in it#all the gs in the page capitalized. i just knew i couldnt trust it then. youd think i wouldve noticed something was wrong if i was already#doing that. however. i was also paranoid and i grew up always feeling unsafe bc ppl would bully me and trick me and pick on me n such#which ironically made me more trusting of people? apparently its a thing that happens.#its apparently bc ppl who are too trusting but who are abused or whatever can become even less trusting of themselves and what they know#anyways i shouldnt have to explain every little detail of my life in the tags but oh well#the things i do to not get yelled at for shit i dont believe in unless i#clarify otherwise sdbjsks
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vulcanhello · 2 years ago
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toytulini · 11 months ago
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terfs go climb into a hole and start rotting. animals cannot inherently tell your "biological sex" you are all so fucking stupid. All this post is saying is that animals are not infallible judges of character and some of them make really stupid vibe checks and that people should try not to take it personally. Unless youre a terf in which case they know and they hate you and you should take it personally
re that one post tbh i do want to stress i dont think animals are like magically psychic at knowing your True Gender tbh i think ppl definitely get way too weird about Animal's judgement of ppl.
Sometimes a dog will vibe check a man and the dog will be right and you should listen. but sometimes the dog will vibe check someone for no good reason. sometimes dogs have wack judgement. sometimes dogs have biases influenced by their owners or previous owners. like. there are Racist Dogs. its not the dogs fault, but that doesnt make the bias theyve developed less real, or less potentially hurtful. i dont think we need to like, Cancel Dogs Bc Sometimes Ppl Can Train Them To Be Racist, but we do need to stop perpetuating the idea that a dog's judgement of someone is infallible. theyre not responsible for it and its not their fault its developed, theyre just dogs, they didnt choose it, but that doesnt mean theyre RIGHT lmao. i think its important to stress this for many reasons but in regard to that last post specifically, if youve ever been vibe checked as a gender you arent by a judgy dog its literally not your fault. might not even be the owners fault. not the dogs fault cos like. its a fucking dog. you do kinda have to be the bigger person in that scenario cos the other person is. A Dog.
#toy txt post#this was meant to be a quick post it got a bit longer and more in depth than i planned oops#i just hate when ppl act like All Dogs have Inherently Correct Judgement Of People#like from every angle. its funny to joke about but i know theres ppl out there who might be feeling like#very fragile in their gender or smth and seeing a post like that if they meet a dog that normally hates men but not women but it doesnt#recognize your inherent true gender im sure seeing shit like that post can be a horr#got interrupted by a phone call while typing it and the post is glitching so i cant see where that tag is cut off so uh#dogs are like ppl in that they can develop biases and have bad judgement and they dont always get it right#they are not like ppl in that it is not possible to ask a dog to examine its biases. you cannot make a dog take a class on#critical race theory. you have to work to socialize and desensitize them against those biases or at least make sure those biases theyve#developed dont negatively impact ppl. in this sense i guess im morally obligated to try to learn more spanish to see if it helps my dog#chill. shes nervous around all new ppl but parents have anecdotally noted she extra dislikes men speaking in spanish. she was a stray so we#dont really know her history. she also does Not like fire pokers outside. weirdly even tho its basically the same tool she is unfazed by#the indoor poker for the woodstove? but ig she wouldve had less exposure to indoor woodstoves as a stray in Louisiana?#but i can see like ppl having a little backyard barbecue and threatening the big mastiff looking stray dog with a fire poker and i think#that region of the country prolly has a higher number of spanish speaking ppl than our current residence so the odds of her running into a#spanish speaking guy who isnt very nice are prolly higher just due to a denser population as a whole. and we think shes part mastiff which#i think is a breed already prone to disliking strangers that probably cooked up into a little cocktail in her brain#luckily shes bad enough with All Strangers that i think honestly it would be hard to even notice her bias? but. ig i need to see if i can#desensitize her? idk. sighs but im scared to open duolingo now 😭. but i could maybe do it. when other ppl wear hats she fucking hates it#i wear a fucking face covering mask that looks like a giant eyeball she looks at me a little quizzically but is fine. jester hat? fine#i am like that video of the person desensitizing that horse except thats just like. living w me. minus the cat thing. id never do that to#the cats or dog. everyone would hate that. squirrel already cant tolerate being held while a dog is out cos he THINKS im going to do that.#it would traumatize the dog cos he'd injure me escaping and then prolly her trying to scare her off to get past her and shes just minding#her business. solo i cant hold that long but is less likely to injure anyone. shadow. first of all all 3 are way too heavy to be holding#like that#im getting lost in the tags again sorry im chewing caffeinated gum. i should go try to buy some catnip#ive made my Phone Calls. im gonna try to go get dressed and buy various catnip products. maybe lure him with a toy this time. need my#parents to help me but not be so visibly Ready to help me next time cos i do not want to chase his ass again...
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arolesbianism · 8 months ago
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The sadness and agony that emerges everytime I start a new oni save and am forced to remember what it's like to have a dupe without a hat only to put them in a hat because I think they'd look cute only to remember hats make half of them look bald but I spent this long maxing out a skill for them so Im too stubborn to back down and remove the hat
#rat rambles#oni posting#it wouldnt be nearly as much of a problem if dupes didnt all have the same like 3 faces that I suck ass at differenciating at a glance#the amount of times Ive mixed up my maes and nikolas makes me sad Im sorry mae no one should be mistaken with nikola#if I knew how to acess the animation files Id be tempted to make a mod to change it but I dont so Im not#but imagine how cute itd be if abe and nikola had their side spikes stiking out from the sides of their hats#couldnt save the super short haired ppl tho sorry ren ari travaldo turner ruby and probably others too#speaking of my ari I keep mistaking my hassan for ari even tho I dont have an ari yet sorry bestie#hes my main storage and cleaning guy which is the role ari is in my other save#anyways the new save is continuing to go well even if things have slowed down a lil#I managed to get my salt water guiser up and running even if its a very lazy approach of basically just cooling it in a tundra biome#but itll work for the time being until I can get plastic from either drekos or by tapping into my oil biome#Im going for drekos rn since I have a lot of them around but if I can get some atmo suits set up quick enough I might just dive for oil#mainly because I want natural gas for a gas range tbh especially since I started farming waterweed as well#along with duskcaps so I already have access to the ingredients for several high quality gas range foods if I can get one running#now that might be a bit hasty but also I havent actually set base on the teleporter planetoid yet and both the transporters are right there#and I managed to find the sender on my main planetoid so I could pretty easily send over high quality food as a nice start up#this mostly tempts me because theres also a distinct lack of particularly easy to farm plants in the immediate vicinity of the teleporter#which doesnt mean there Wont be food but it does mean that quite a bit of digging will likely need to be done#with is also made tricky by the lack of early settlement oxygen sources available#and while I could theoretically send oxygen from the main colony Id rly rather not until I can get a spom or two set up#which leaves oxyferns and rust as the main oxygen options there until reliable water is found#now one thing I could do is fully transition my main base to getting all its oxygen from a spom and then send the rest of my algae over#my main thing is just Im not rly sure where I wanna put my first spom#I just simply dont have as many options as Id like due to being surrounded by mostly swampy and jungle biomes#not that I couldnt build there or dig them out its just Id rly rather have atmo suits first#which since I am very early in my dreko farm will likely take a lil bit#which also brings up the problem of getting my metal refinery up and running so I dont have to keep using the rock crusher#Ill probably just slap one in one of my tundra biomes as a short term solution but long term Ill probably have to take a shot at a proper#industrial sauna once I get plastic
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jvzebel-x · 1 year ago
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🦋
#the pros of caving&opening my pro email for the first time in waaaaay too fucking long:#nice messages from nice clients that had no other way to contact me wishing me well. nice prince fan who paid for#topical pics on princes birthday one year for example lmao. another one who paid for these icarus themed#shots that are still some of my fave lmao. i have nice interactions sometimes.#the cons of opening my pro email for the first time in waaaay too long bc i was specifically avoiding it bc i had a feeling this had#already happened: two v specific ppl found it&now theres no way i can trust any emails i get there lmao.#seriously debating just not making another one lmao i do not NEED repeat clientele on that level right now.#but it does make the work siginifantly safer. idk..#annooooooyedddddddd w myselfffffff i have bad interactions too&those ones seem way more frequent#&last way fucking longer i am losing track of the fucking idiots i need to remember to hide from its been years leave me alone#i am going to fucking scream i have genres of morons to flip thru if any of you fucks are reading this right now know i hate#you. neither of the two who found that email know about my tumblr tho i think so its like a moot point lmao.#im pretty sure one did get my ig nuked tho thats what the email made it sound like#so i guess that answers that question lmao.#BLAH i am going to get v high&scream into a pillow now anyway good morning everyone#i cant tell if my meds are being disrupted by my moods or if this is just what having a personality is lmao#&i regret literally nothing in my life but some ppl make it pretty damn close when i think about whether or not i would go back&#instead of speaking to them at all perhaps walk directly into traffic lmao. but y'know.#... just girly things?
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bangcakes · 6 months ago
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#back to Overthinking HDJDJDNDNDN#glad i got called in to work tomorrow LOL#personal#i should just ask him to hang out n get it over with BUT IM SCAREDNFJFJDJXKXM#theres nothing to even be scared of bc im pretty sure im the reason he even showed up last time NDNNDNDND#literally texted me like. youre going tonight right. and then saying it should be thrilling (sarcastically. he doesnt feel much toward the#other ppl we were meeting JDJJFJD. hes said this on several occassions)#n e way. one of us has to put on our big girl pants n i guess it has to be ME DNNDJDJXJX#im also like irrationally worried that he'll find someone else. idk where since he works at home anyway and overtime on top of that but#HJDJXJXJZJZ HHHHHHH#if thats the case tho then hes not the guy for me n thats that ya.... HDNDJDJDJ#literally hurting myself on ourpose like this is so fucjed up JDJDJJDD#why cant i just like. accept that maybe he does like me. like for sure we're friends n he cares about me enough but if its romantically...#well i dont want to Assume........#but i dont think you go to dinners filled with ppl you dislike just to hang out with a friend. i really dont NDJDJDNNZ#n e way#im just afraid to think that somethung good may happen for once. like its already a lot to handle rn that i have a job#if i also have a bf thats.... well is that even allowed for me to have#this sounds so JDJDJDJDJDJ irrational ik. but in my mind its like. idk. other ppl can do these 2 good things at once but i Can't......#idk
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