#im sure ill feel better tomorrow im just very tired now

[hanghenfil]

i did it

i. did it

with like 30 minutes to spare before my birthday. happy birthday to me

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[arolesbianism]

Man I've gotta be mean more often Im so sick of being polite abt bigotry I should just start killing ppl fr

[savannahsdeath]

ELLIE WILLIAMS X ANEMIC!READER HEADCANONS

shes basically taking care of you n all:3

mdni please<3

warnings: anemia, a lil of smut

writers note: i swear its okay to read even if youre not anemic:3 i feel like shed do these thingss even to hers not anemic gf.. also this may seem odly specific because im anemic myself and idk this idea randomly came up to my mind so enjoyy !!

SFW

🌿lets start with the fact that an anemic person tends to become tired and sluggish very easily so they (most of them) enjoy any kind of support

🌿ellie knows that your health is fragile so she tries to be as patient and gentle as possible in your interactions<3

🌿when youre not feeling well shes is usually pretty awkward and she has no idea how to help you😓(my poor awkward gf) BUT whenever she doesnt know what to say she just offers to help you out in small ways like preparing food or running errands

🌿if you both live together her GOAL is to keep your house well-lit and cool as too much heat or brightness makes it hard to focus/uncomfortable for people with anemia

🌿she always makes sure you drink and eat well so you have more energy and all

🌿she always gets mad when you refuse to go to sleep because she knows you need to.. even if youre making a cute excuse like

"but els, i want to stay up so i can spend time with you!"

and then she'll roll her eyes at you and say "we can do whatever you want tomorrow, you need to rest now!"

and would even forcefully make you if needed🙏

🌿if its modern!ellie(just ellie having access to a phone), she'll secretly google things about your illness and things like "how to help your anemic girl from passing out every time she misses breakfast" I JUST KNOW SHED DO THAT ISTGG

🌿she would hate to hear you being guilty. like when you say "im tired of you making all the little house jobs just because i mostly dont have the energy to.." she'll go crazy. not in a bad way, of course, but she wont drop the topic until she makes sure you understand she doesnt mind.

🌿she also definitely hates when you want to convince her into letting you help her.

"fuck, ellie, its not cancer, its anemia! i can at least help you" you say angrily. like, really angrily. because youre kind of right (but she doesnt care)

"we've talked about this, lay down and wait for me," she answers sternly. so sternly you feel shivers down your spine.

🌿but when you eventually talk with her (you manage not to start an argument but really, simply talk) she understands your point and promises she'll let you help her with some things

🌿one time you told her that anemic people are sensitive to the cold and its true but now she overuses it as an excuse to cuddle up with you. like she couldnt just say she wants to be near you. istg, this woman...

🌿she ALWAYS lookout for things that could potentially cause bleeding

🌿she loves when you blush. more than anything. mostly because anemia makes the blood blah blah idc basically anemic people dont really blush so when you actually do she would just stare at you with a wide smile. and when you ask her why is she looking at you like that she wont admit it just like that, shed say something like "you just look more colorful than usual"

NSFW

🌿anemic people often have pale or translucent skin tone and that makes bruises really visible. and we all know ellie can be rough. so when she wakes up after a.. long night and she notices what she did, she feels so bad. like really bad. she apologies as soon as you wake up and of course you try to convince her it doesnt hurt, because it really doesnt and you, in fact, really enjoyed all of this, but she thinks youre just lying to make her feel better

🌿one time you woke up in the late evening after one of your naps. usually, ellie stays with you - awake, watching you sleep and drawing something in her sketchbook but this day you woke up to an empty bed:( you quickly stood up to look for her and after a few steps, your little anemic head started spinning from the sudden move. your vision got blurry and eventually completely black. you felt your knees getting weak but right before you could fall someone caught you. your lovely hero - ellie. you leaned on her as she held you from behind, what could look like a normal hug for someone who just saw you both like that, and you felt the bulge in her pants pressed against you. why the hell would she wear it now? you failed to stay quiet and you let out a soft moan. your girlfriend noticed that but she thought its caused by your health state

"shh, shhh... it's okay"

when your vision was back to normal, you turned around and kissed her as a simple way to thank her for being here with you. before you could think, you were grinding on her lap, getting ready to take her strap while she firmly held your hips, guiding them to move back and forth 🥰🥰

[rachelcommitscrimes]

im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.

[milchig-de]

Vent

Pairing: Character & Reader

Summary: You talk about your problems. Not relationship related.

Warnings: This is basically just vent writing. Very depression, existential dread

Notes: i imagined scaramouche as the character but you can put whoever you want there. ill tag it as scaramouche x reader bc of that but really it doesnt matter. its one am, im tired and sad. please dont be mean to me

_______________

You sit on a chair, a beverage in front of you. It is a warm day, although not warm enough to be unpleasant. Lifting the cup to your lips, you take a sip. You are unable to discern what you are drinking. You put your cup down again.

Someone approaches you. They sit down in front of you. You greet them and they greet back.

Silence.

What are you waiting for? Start a conversation.

"So... nice weather we have?"

The person across you doesn't respond. The look in their eyes tells you something is wrong. They seem to doubt you, ask you if that is really what you wanted to say. They ask if you truly do not have other questions to pose.

You unnecessarily clear your throat.

Another silence.

This person isn't here to make small talk. Think of a meaningful question.

...

Or don't.

Truly, if you have nothing important to say, why are you here?

"When do I ever have something important to say? My life bears little meaning in the greater scheme of things."

The person still sitting across from you answers.

"Perhaps that is so."

"Then... why should I say anything?"

"You can sit in silence. But isn't that boring?"

"That's precisely why I always say nonsense. It's better than bearing this agonizing silence."

They do not respond.

Speak from your heart.

"Sometimes I wonder... If none of what I say is of importance, what even is the substance of me? In other's eyes I am defined by what I do and say. So am I not essentially unimportant?"

"Do you consider yourself unimportant?"

"..."

"I guess I do. I don't particularly care about myself. I barely feel as though I even have a presence. I perceive and interact with the world I am in, but I do not take the time to truly spend time with myself."

"What does it leave you with?"

"A certain sense of... emptiness."

"What do you do about it? Do you just let it fester inside you like a some species of mold? Like some parasite?"

"I usually fill it with things that aren't real. Hell, I'm doing that right now. You aren't real, this place isn't even a place and this beverage isn't anything."

You point at your unidentifiable surroundings to stress your point.

"But when does it end? When do you lose your touch with reality? When does your true self begin? Do you even have one? Or has your entire existence been based on things that aren't there? On things so terribly out of reach that it's fucking pathetic you're still trying?"

...

"I know I'm weird. And I know this weirdness makes me unloveable. I don't know what to do about it. Everything I do only makes my life worse. Every day I wake up alive, I see no possible improvement. No one will come around to help me. That isn't how it works. I need to be proactive, but do I even deserve any help? I haven't done anything of importance and all I will ever reach is mediocrity. What's the point in trying if I will only come so far? "

...

"Maybe there is no point."

Both of you look to the scenery. It's quite beautiful. Perhaps it, too, is undeserving. But at least it is there. Even if the point is truly gone, you will still be here, for better or for worse.

"For worse, I'm sure."

Regardless of it all;

Tomorrow is another day.

[gothmods]

So i guess i keep a sex journal now

Im finding that a dildo stuck to the wall is much more enjoyable than trying to use my hands (just remembered that post about how dildo sounds like the name of a sad italian clown because.....yeah it sure does). Last time i thought heck im tired ill just lie down and use my hand. Bad idea to both the ignoring that i was tired and the relying on my hand/wrist.

Misc. notes are im trying to eat more raw fiber which is defs helping (thank you kale ily) and also have made a note to investigate f/m/m content.

I get the feeling ill be kinda shattered tomorrow though since using my hips/thighs is physically demanding but eh not much can be done about that.

Ngl its kinda crazy to me how well ive taken to anal like physically its been very little work to build up to it. Maybe it just feels that way though because front hole stuff is inversely difficult and unpleasant feeling.

Sometimes i wonder if medically theres a reason for that but since i dont want to do it anyway it doesnt really matter. I mean it did matter when i was regularly self harming but thats over now and honestly the sooner i can get that thing removed the better. Final nail in the coffin so to speak.

Which its been like 7 weeks now without doing any sh behaviours which really is the craziest part of all this. A decade of what had basically become habit abd its just. Poof. Gone. Found dead in miami.

Still kinda surreal..

[s0l0han]

Hi guys this is my first post so it may not be perfect but enjoy

Ship:Patrick Bateman x fem!reader

Warnings(murder,swearing,violence,patrick being nice😱)

If your a minor dont read for your own good!!!

BREAK

You were getting ready for a nice warm bubblebath,you had a hard day at work.you were in a bathrobe looking trough the mirror looking in to the abyss,finally you got out of your thoughts that you could go to the bath.you lie down,you felt a wave of relaxiationg go down your body suddenly you heard the phone ring,you couldnt just get out of the bath to answer a phone call so you just staid in bath for 30min.when you got out of the bath you went to your closet and chose a pretty and a warm pyjama (it was winter)than the phone rang again,you went to pick it up and you said “who is this?”a angry voice yelled “why havent you picked up the fucking phone you bitch!?!?”it was your toxic boyfriend,you explained why “anyway i want to break up with you i found someone better than you,so no need to bother me again you annoying brat”he said,you broke down in tears on the floor bc you really loved him even tho he was toxic but now it was all over.after having a breakdown you went to the fridge to get some icecream,after getting it you went to the living room to sit on your soft couch to watch your favourite movie.after the movie you went to bed hugging your pillow because it made you comfortable and feel safe

TIMESKIP TO WORK

At work you got so many piles of papers and they had to be done till tomorrow,you were so tired that you almost started sleeping but gladly your co-worker came in “Hey y/n there is someone that would like to meet you,can i let him in?”she said.”ofcourse i am not busy right now”(ofcourse you were lying)She letted a tall handsome man in “hello you must be Y/n L/n,im Patrick Bateman nice to meet you”he said in a gentle but a very low voice “Yes!Nice to meet you too Mr.Bateman”you said a bit flustered.”So i have some business things i would like to discuss”he said “Sure go ahead”you said quickly “Well there has been some problems in our orders that we have ordered from here,is everything okay in here?”He asks a bit worried and annoyed “Omg!im so sorry,i havent paid any attention on my workers,i apologize this wont happen anymore”You said embarassed.After 15mins of talking “Hey y/n would you like to join me and my friends to a club to night?”patrick asked “Oh sure i would like that”you answered a bit slowly “nice ill meet you there,oh and here is my business card!”He gave you his business card from his pocket “Thank you!”you answered to him

TIMESKIP TO NIGHT

You were applying your make-up on and doing your hair,after that you go to your closet to find the perfect dress for you.You found the perfect dress that was black and had diamonds on it and it wasnt too long or too short.Your cab finally dropped you to the club it was very big and you could hear loud music come out,so you went in and tried to find patrick and his friends,they were in a corner drinking alcholol like real business men after a long day at work.”you gasped and saw your exboyfriend in there with them,you got scared and almost got a panick attack until a nice man asked you if you were okay “Lady are you okay!?”He asked worried “i dont know i think i need to sit down…”you said feeling dizzy,patrick saw you across the room and came over to you and the man “y/n are you okay?”patrick asked with a annoyed and an angry voice “im fine…”(you lied again)”you can go now”Patrick shoed the man away and patrick took you with him to the corner,your heart started bounding harder and harder the closer you got to your ex.You sat next to patrick and your ex asked patrick why you where there angrily “shes my goodfriend,shes our guest today”patrick said.after a while a gorgeus man sat next to you,everyone greeted him saying “Hey Paul you finally got here”.He greeted them back and looked at you and said “oh hello miss,im paul allen”, “oh hi im Y/n L/n nice to meet you paul!”you said quick,He shouted to everyone on the table “Im serving!”and everyone started shouting,after everyone had 3rounds it was time to go home,you and Paul were totally drunk because you weren’t the best with alcohol,neither was Paul.Patrick said he’d take Paul home and he at least called a cab for you.Next day you came back from grocery shopping,when you were about to open your apartment door you saw Patrick across the hallway with a massive garbage bag “Patrick you had garbage day or something?”you asked “oh yeah,i did”he said.after you got home you took your jacket off and went to the kitchen to unpack your groceries,after a while you got a knock from the door you stood up and went to open the door,it was Patrick he looked you like some predator you were a bit scared what was about to happen, “Y/n,i’m in love with you,your gorgeous,beautiful,stunning you are like a treasure to a pirate”he said gently,you were in a shock after what you just heard “Patrick,i love you too”you smiled at him.he kissed you from happiness witch you never thought he would do because he was Patrick Bateman,obviously.After that you made food(meat soup)”mhmm…. im still suprised that he just confessed to me”you were thinking by yourself

part 2 coming soon

im tired so yall have to wait for a part 2

[fraener]

9/7/24

if i had the time to write, i would have. this past month was one of the hardest ive gone through. i didnt have a day off since before my last entry in here. im listening to stefans piano music in bed now, had dinner, painted for the first time in a really, really long time. it didnt give me the same level of enjoyment as it used to but i think id like to start doing that again every day. i had to leave work early today because my period finally came with a terrible vengance, 20 days late. the stress of the move nearly killed me i think. i lost even more weight im pretty sure, ive never been this thin. im going to try and get my thyroid tested again because im getting very worried about it. h told me he felt like i criticized him too much and was so ungrateful for all his help moving. i am not allowed to have any feelings about what happened in front of him because he feels this way. i told him he was right so hed stop yelling at me. its just yet another thing i cannot rely on him for or trust him for, i dont feel like i ever want to ask his help for anything ever again, at least not that big of a thing. it just doesnt seem like a good idea anymore and im almost glad i never let go of my suspicions around it. im too depressed to really be disappointed or saddened by it. this is just what relationships turn into for me, a strange dance of self suppression when faced with the continuous obstacle of being something foreign and unordinary in the face of what the other person wants and expects. i feel like im speaking a different language to most people. i feel so extant and as i get older it becomes less and less surprising that i feel that way. i wonder what would have happened had i been ordinary or had a shot at seeing the world in an ordinary way. i dont really think i have it in me to keep trying to find someone who will see me and understand me and love me for what and who i am. maybe thats a good thing. i dont really know. i want to lean into my uncommonness again. i am unloveable in my uncommonness, i think, but strong in it. tomorrow i think id like if i am able to go and paint on the hill above the bay and watch the little sailboats go by. for the first time in a long time im feeling reasons to return to myself rather than turn away. what am i here for? what do i like to do? i want to paint, i want to watch other people enjoy learning something new, i want to be included in or witness to someones passions, i want to find my friendship in the nonhuman again. i miss rosie so much. i miss all the animals i cant talk to anymore like ed and zoey. at least rosies still alive. and gigi is too, and tally. so many friends of mine are so far away now. learning over and over that i am so terribly lonely here! i think maybe im beyond sad about h. this hasnt been a very good relationship but i havent been well or strong or brave enough to end it even when its really bad or even when its not so aggressively bad but just so bald faced in its discrepancies that it doesnt make any sense to keep going. for some reason i keep going. for love or habit i do not know. i dont feel loveless like i did with m but i dont feel like the love is enough most days. im tired of writing in my journal about him. i want him to matter less in some ways, maybe just matter less in the darker matters of the heart. i saw o's play and we spent some time together. theyre so magical and i can see so pure as day why we didnt work out. exactly what i admire about them is the thing i cannot stand! funny how it works sometimes. im glad to see them a little again, a year from when we did last. always the end of summer with that one. i miss my apartment, my new house is quiet but lonely without my ghosts. the fellow above the doorframe threw the picture one last time at h while he was scolding me which was really funny but a bit naughty. not that h would know or understand necessarily. yes, tired and lonely. one day soon maybe ill feel a bit better, or at the very least, different.

[causenessus]

hi loveliness! (i’m calling you that now because it suits you) HOW ARE U?? good evening afternoon or morning! i hope you’ve been well and i hope you’ve eaten! tomorrow i’m driving back home and it’ll take like two days so my next checkup might be really early or really late (SORRY IN ADVANCE !!) but today i’m going to a concert so ill probably be back home really late and be tired asf LOL but im so excited for it !! i can’t wait to tell you about it tomorrow

IM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR EATING !! it makes me feel happy that i actually have an impact on your life ! ik some days get busy and long but it’s always good to eat and take care of yourself, heal the body and mind!! BAGELS ARE GOOD BUT MAKE SURE YOURE EATING ACTUAL MEALS! which i’m kind of a hypocrite because last night i had instant noodles for “dinner” kind of BUT BUT I HAD LIKE A BIG LATE LUNCH WITH MY FAMILY SO IT DOESNT COUNT !! i would consider that a snack even LOL but youuu! you! (points) make sure you eat actual meals love !! sorry this just reminds me of a story but i remember like one time i was late for school so i skipped breakfast but during class my stomach was like RUMBLING AND I WAS SO EMBARRASSED BECAUSE LIKE the teacher would be yap yap yapping and then suddenly you hear the most preposterous god awful sound (my stomach) and i had to pretend i didn’t wanna die right then and there LOL so definitely definitely eat or you’ll suffer the same fate as me </3(threateningly)(with love)(always with love)

PLS MY EARLY SHIFTS AND WEIRD DOUBLE SHIFTS ARE SO TERRIBLY FUNNY LOL but omg what do you do for work if you don’t mind me asking like do you build frames because THATS SO COOL women in stem moment LOL but omg i hope your finger is okay?? WHY IS SOMETHING HECTIC ALWAYS HAPPENING AT YOUR JOB this is like a total sitcom office type job scenarios right here but but omg omg mango anon on a plane?? flying over to ness?? mango anon and ness meetup?? (I WISH I COULD INSERT PHOTOS BUT WE WOULD BE LIKE THAT ONE MEME THATS LIKE the vibes me and gang bring to the function) no but literally i would definitely just trail around you at work like a dog like i would 100% have no idea what’s going on but i would just smile and nod and be happy just to be there LOL

YOU KNOW WHAT TECH DAYS IS REAL LIKE I WAS ALSO PART OF TECH LOL but i wasn’t like THAT type of tech in the crew i was the sounds person so id be more more background but omg soulmates? twin flames? tech crew gang??? i kinda miss tech days even though it was kind of toxic LOL like i remember my teacher was like ok practice with the cast goes until 6:30 but she kept us until like 8 like IS THAG EVEN LEGAL?? who knows though my high school was definitely not… not it (if you know what i mean)

THE LORE DROP IS CRAZY?? i get what you mean by the attachment issue thing because I GET IT I GET IT but like you’re such a likeable person like IDK YOURE JUST SO SWEET AND GENUINE ITS HARD NOT TO LIKE YOU(sorry if that sounds weird but to me it’s like)(i expect a LOT of people to like you because you radiate good energy and you’re always so sweet) BUT I GET IT AND PLS THE ICK FROM THE ATTACHMENT ISSUES?? i 100% get it because when i notice myself being too attached to someone im like okayyyyy okay mango anon back it up here back it uppp LOL because like i don’t wanna be so reliant on someone else so i always have to remind myself to chill a bit, BUT ID LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT YOUR WORK AND DRAMATIC LOVE LIFE LIKE I LIVE FOR THE ROMCOMS!!

i hope tonight is a better night for you !! i hope it isn’t sucky again because you deserve the best :( I LOVE YOU TOO NESS SORRY I DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO PUT THIS PART BUT I <3 NESS thank u for always taking the time to answer these long long asks LOL but i really enjoy talking to you !! make sure you eat and take care of yourself and have a good day!! xoxoxo

AAAAAA PLEASE I AM CRYING OVER THE NAME /POS THANK YOU SO MUCH <3 i am okay!!! very brain dead and just peroifbbjk but it's okay!! and aa definitely do not worry about missing a few check ins but thank you for telling me so i don't get too sad and miss u without knowing what's going on </33 be safe driving back AND I HOPE YOUR CONCERT GOES WELL AND YOU HAVE LOTS OF FUN!!

BUT AAA thank you thank you </3 unfortunately i literally survived on almond butter bagels today but it was NOT my fault. like today was just not good lmaoaoao i ate breakfast and then drove home to eat lunch (first almond butter bagel) between classes and then had to go to work (i bought a random california roll or something on the way there that ig counts as well!!) but i literally got home at 10 pm and just could not be bothered to cook 😭😭😭 i've just been working this entire week and i work this weekend too so i'm just trying to get by!!!! i will take care of myself though BUT PLEASE THE WAY YOU DESCRIBED YOUR TEACHER YAPPING AND THEN THE PREPOSTEROUS SOUND 😭😭😭 I LAUGHED SO HARD it reminds me of this one time i was forced (idk how else to explain this but just trust me i had to??? LMAO) to eat carrots in my french class....BUT CARROTS ARE SO LOUD BRO I LITERALLY WANTED TO KMS EVERYTIME I BIT INTO THE CARROT LIKE I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE BUT OMG BRO IT WAS A SILENT CLASSROOM AND THEN THERE'S ME CRYING EATING CARROTS LIKE A LITERAL RABBIT

but anway. AAA YES!! WOMEN IN STEM!! yes i build frames sometimes or we get them sent to my work and then i will actually frame things and cut glass and just put that all together it's very fun!! i've framed things like a real cool pixies poster, cool art, confiscated prison shanks, someone tried to get us to frame black coral (which it is highly illegal to be in possession of) so yk!!! maybe it's just a curse at my workplace!! i have NO idea wtf is wrong with my workplace but we could DEFINITELY BE A SITCOM SHOW LMAOO AND AAA OMG YES NESS AND MANGO ANON MEETUP!!! I WOULD LITERALLY CRY /POS AND JUMP WITH JOY PLEASE AND LITERALLY OMG YOU DID TECH TOO??????? AND YOU WERE SODIFIUHWLJBEKJRFLEPRIO;GWENK (you were sound except i keyboard smashed halfway through)

MANGO ANON. WE WERE MEANT TO BE. LITERAL SOULMATES I TELL YOU!!!! BC I MEAN IG IDK HOW OTHER DEPARTMENTS ARE BUT LIKE I FEEL LIKE YOU ALWAYS HAVE A LIGHT KID - SOUND KID DUO YK?????? AND THAT'S YOU AND ME AAAA THAT'S LITERALLY SO COOL THOUGH I ADMIRE SOUND PEOPLE SO MUCH BECAUSE IT'S JUST TOO MANY CABLES AND THINGS FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF I NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT 😭😭 but yes it is also such a toxic and dramatic environment like ALL the time okay another lore drop my junior year i was literally fighting for my life because basically i had just been passed the torch down from our goddess light board op senior (so i was now in charge of everything regarding lights and basically the light board op) BUT this sophomore with a superiority complex also wanted the job and would literally fight me for it like he DEMANDED to be head of lights once for this student directed play and he had been asked to do the show before me so he got first pick and i was like "i mean okay chill idrc" but the bad thing is he just did not know what he was doing 😭 and i tried to be nice and be like "hey. we can split the job. if you want to be board op for the play and musical that's chill. i'll do it for the other play." AND IDK WHY I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE THE ENTIRE DEPARTMENT HATED HIM AND LIKE I TOLD MY TECH DIRECTOR THE PLAN AND HE WAS LIKE "HELL NO I AM NOT LETTING THAT KID OPERATE THE BOARD YOU'RE DOING THAT" so i ended up being board op...the entire year which i don't feel bad about!! but that was like the biggest drama moment of my life and i'm still not over it i am typing in passionate rage rn can u tell /hj

BUT AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭😭😭 I REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE IT YOU'RE SO SWEET!! i always attract weird men unfortunately...i will spill this all to u mango anon do not worry your pretty head <3 maybe we'll start with skater boy tm (imagine i subscripted that i'm too lazy rn) or the boy who thought i liked him and asked me to homecoming....BUT YOU'RE LITERALLY SO SWEET AND CARING TOO I KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED BY SO MANY AS WELL!!! and honestly lots of people suck </3 so if they DON'T love you?? well that's an easy fix i'll just beat the life out of them <3 (said with love. for u. not those people. i promise i'm nice!!!)

AND THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS SENDING THESE LONG ASKS!! AND READING MY EVEN LONGER ANSWERS <3 tonight was okay!!! i hope you had a good day <3 and talking to you has DEFINITELY made it better so thank you and i love you so much as always mango anon <3 PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! AND EAT AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND I HOPE YOU DON'T FEEL TOO SICK AS YOU DRIVE BACK HOME!!

[tinylittlebab]

99.2 this morning. the fear i felt shen i thought i actually weighed over 100 was terrible but i dont. im just on my oeriod and when i weighed at 101 it was after eating and just at a v bad time overall.

i found a weight tracker that lets me track multiple weights a day. i like to weigh in the morning and night. what times a eat are very inconsistent as are the times a sleep and wake so its hard to know how accurate weigh ins are. it was an issue i had for awhile and it bothered me a lot. i had been looking for a better app but i never found one till now so yay! its weird to me how i just stopped. for awhile theres was this big in the back of my head of it but not actively counting or anything. just kinda trying to not eat and feeling bad when i do. its tiring to do this stuff and its like id just get burnt put from it but also i cant just turn it off

but at some point my brain did turn it off. along with everything else uh. i guess thats a compromise. not a good one though.

well. i made a mistake today. i took my free shift drink. i felt horribly dizzy at work cause disability. it was super busy. i wasnt even there for very long but for almost the entire time it was just me and 1 other person. they only just got there when everyone else left and they had been busy all up till when i got there and then it was still busy.

well. its a lil less cold today! i can probs get much more exercise in at least. im only working 3 hours tomorrow so i wont take my shift drink. im working 7 1/2 hours the day after (possibly without any breaks) so im gonna for sure drink smth and bring smth to eat. but thats fine. ill probs go to bed early and not eat much else that day so itll be ok.

well. my head hurts again. having my hair up in a bun sucks it always makes my headaches worse but i dont got a choice. im hoping it goes away soon n i dont gotta eat n take ibuprofen. i cant exercise with this pain tho

[kdipshit]

Addicted ;

Am I addicted to thinking about the things I have on repeat in my head? Like is it an addiction, I guess idk how else to think, or what else to think about, it’s kind of sad. Well in better light, I’ve taken up a shit load of study, im really gonna do this writing thing. I really want to do this writing thing, I read the entire brochure of the academy I want to go to, im so happy to be intrested in something, as tedious as the learning journey can be for me, im learning how I learn the best way I can, the only way I can.

I don’t like therapy because I don’t like being told my ways of dealing with my issues are wrong, or bad, or something like that, even though I know they are, and I would be better off without them, I’m very defensive of my coping mechanisms, I take care of them, because they take care of me… in a way, I see them as taking away my primary feeling at the time, which is usually guilt, anxiety, determent, hurt, things along those lines, even just overwhelmed and feeling 100 feelings at once, my coping mechanisms are pretty good at taking away the mess and helping me to slow down, not feel it or completely ignore it. I don’t even like telling myself that they’re bad. But they are, and its not only slowing me down, but its potentially holding me back… I don’t know where I put weed on that spectrum because I know I abuse it but it helps me so much, I know I need to manage my use, I don’t want to lie. Ill try. I’m continuing to do things I don’t want to do to stay in the moment, and its hard, but I try. For me. My anti-psychs restarting to kick in and I’m getting super drowsy, I’m tired, but still hungry, might have some sugar toast lol, yes I eat sugar toast with lost of butter and idc, its all I eat lol, my sugar intake should not be legal I binge eat lollies like its popcorn, like those hard sugar lollies… I get a big bag of piñata lollies munch it like popcorn. Its a problem, i guess no lollies tomorrow either lol. I eat em when I’m BIG B WORD but once I start its like I can’t stop. No wonder I’m sick, I’m excited for this bag to be gone so I dont have to eat them anymore lmao, do you see my fat bitch mentality I have rn watch in a couple weeks ill hate food again and not eat for 5 months. Psycho. I’m gonna make some sugar toast lol. Brb

I better figure my shit out now while I’m still learning and not later on down the line when my foundation is secure, I’m sure it won’t be secure if my shit isint figured out but I have everything under control, it’s like a massive Hurd of bulls rushing towards me and I’m somehow controlling their next movements.

Certain people just take away all the pain for me, and I thank them for that, but theres heaps of other things I can do by myself that will fulfil me just as much, even more.

So I’ve come to realise I’ve got some sort of victim complex going on because why else am I still holding on so tight to things that hurt me? I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, I’ve been knowing that and like thinking about not feeling sorry for myself lmao, but to look at it fully and see I really do have a victim complex and I can’t get go of the feeling, but why should I hold on? I don’t want to guilt myself into letting go, I just want to let go, and I am, by fixing what I pushed away so many years ago, bring it to the front and figure out that fat knot in the chord, that shouldn’t even be here. Ugh, idk man. I think I’m making a lot of sense, I’m just trying to get it all out, I don’t feel sorry for myself when I look back, I see me making the right choice, every single time, whatever lead me here, to cut it off, thank you so much for bringing me here today. Im so embarrassed that it’s taken me this long, but that’s just a feeling it’ll pass, it’s not even that bad, I want to live for myself and that’s it, I’m absolutely worth it. I feel like I’ve already let it go I’m just stuck on the thoughts now lmao, I’m tripping too hard they’re just thoughts, clouds, movements, let themmmm moveeee onnnnn.

I’m totally okay with having a drink today, if the subject arises from Hayley or someone, I would love a glass of bubbles. I’m also done with going the way I have always gone, thats not the way up.

So I talked to my mum about me possibly having a drink tonight, she doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but she said if I feel like I’m in a spot where I can control how much I have, then by all means have a few drinks and enjoy yourself, but if you feel at any point it start to go down, stop. My problem is not stopping, this ripples out to me drinking as a coping mechanism and not as something fun to do with people you love, and let go. That’s what I wanna do, I wanna let go. I’m scared a beast might unleash, it’s not going to tho, because this is the good place. I’m quiet nervous tho aren’t I? I don’t want it to open up the doors for me to drink all the time. I don’t wanna do that, I just want to enjoy this one time, im aloud to. I know I am stronger and bigger than alcohol, and I can control it easily because I monitor my alcohol intake. Count my drinks? I don’t want my family to make assumptions about me if I chose the drink, I have grown and that’s not my way of thinking anymore, I guess me saying that is me judging myself, I have the full capability to live as I am, I have learnt so much and I have implemented more into my life. I’m coming at this from a different angle, i probably won’t even drink tonight who knows? But if I choose to, I choose to do it properly. Follow my mums rules and everything is fine.

I’m not going to let go of myself, I’ve got ahold of who I am and I’m not losing sight.

[indistinct-office]

tw // uh nsfw mentions and suicide and general mental illness stuff idk

-

i love fukuzawa sm but idk if id rather him mentor me or fuck me

i think i should die to be honest im sad dude ill cry i wonder if i have a dissasociativive disorder like. depersonalisation seems concerningly familiar well like it makes sense of course derealisation and deperasalisation

idk how to spell but they make so much sense. on the other hand one must consider that i am evil and pathetic and dont deserve an explanation for my feelings nope im jsut bad and should die. but apart from that

im tired man. im very tired i want to cry. i also. cant seem to move



so idk if i have dpdr or im just tired or have executive dysfunction everythings very confusing im trying

why

and is it unreality or is it me philosophising or

whats going on i know no one else knows i dont i feel like i have never been a person i feel like a mirror more than anything i dont know and feelings are so complicated i want to cry and i dont understand whats going on and im so sick of myself but i cant seem to stop and everything i say feels like a lie and i cant remember anything i feel like im fading also how is it almost 11pm

i feel like i dont have any agency and

like if someone has moved the content of this image way to far off the edge

and i dont know if the whole "i dont feel like a person" thing is dpdr or succh strognly engrained self loathing or a combination of both or me making excuses for being lazy or i dont know and it always has always felt like there are too many people in my head. whcih sounds yk. not great. and it isnt but then what if ive convinced myself that i have dpdr/whatever because i just want a label and something solid or i dont know but no i think i do and who is i anyway who am i referring to ive been through this so many times before and nothing changes nothing has every changed and nothing will help

and i know it sounds like im having a panic attack because i am but this is how it feels all the time

oh

i used to joke to myself that my brain was either so full of thoughts it hurts or completely empty and full of fog but that might be dpdr

like, anxiety/trauma or dissacociative

oh no

but idk i havent really had an trauma what if im making this up just because i want my friend to know whats wrong with me and me to get better and have a nice little storyline and get better

it feels like whenever im lucid im in pain

ha. well. thats a thing now i guess

im so tired of this. but its all good its fine. i cant even self harm properly

what if the reason im so anxious all the time is because im scared of why im doing something

it feels like im comingn to some big resolution but what if im just convincing myself of that so i can feel good but everything will stay the same? there are dried tears on my laptop and they look like stains of cum

oh no i think i might be dpdr. like. when /that/ happened. i distracted msyelf and felt "usual" and then i was reminded of it and it hurted so much

oh no oh fuck what

well. theres that i guess

yeah no im pretty sure i have uh depersonalisation/derealisation disorder. it makes a lot of sense. at last the puzzle of the self is completed and im better and everything is fine /s

no wonder i relate to will wood and jreg so much.

there is now the issue of

a) who the fuck am i

b) what the fuck do i do now

uh i need help i think ( yeah no shit )

it really does feel like there are hundreds of people living up in my brain

im scared about what i should do next.

i have to go to london tomorrow

no wonder i find it so hard to explain my thinking process and emotions. of course. it makes sense now

im posting this so theres some external record of what happened today. but this is basically a diary entry so yknow.

[elysianslove]

ay yo? lmao haiiiii any chance we can get some haikyuu boys and nicknames they'd call their s/o? a lil deprived of kageyama, so if possible can you pls include him?? i hope you're doing well :)

omg wait i remember seeing this in my inbox and planning on answering it but i ,,, i forgot :( im sorry :( but here it is lovely <3 

HAIKYUU BOYS AND NICKNAMES 

ANGEL ! — 

akaashi; out of all his nicknames for you, this is his favorite!! he just thinks it’s very fitting for you, because you’re nothing short of ethereal for him. loves to say it when he’s first greeting you or as he kisses you gn or!!! when he says thank you :) 

osamu; it slips sometimes with him!! not his go-to but it’s very familiar on his tongue when it comes to you, and that’s very endearing :,) just slips casually when he’s asking you a question like, “angel, do we need milk?”  

daichi; omg he usually adds to it and it ends up being some cheesy stuff like “angel-face” and it makes you all flustered because wtf man :( and he always says it while laughing teasingly too ugh :( 

suna; suna has the cheesiest nicknames for you and you cannot convince me otherwise, and you can never tell if it’s genuine or ironic but,,, it doesn’t matter. he sounds so sweet calling you “angel” so whatever :) 

aran; this man. this man. he says it cause he knows it has you weak. he says it so lovingly, so sweetly, so casually, so suave and relaxed and his voice is so smooth and deep. who wouldn’t be swooning over him??? 

aone; AONE AONE PLS AONE PLEASE. he’d just think it’s such a sweet and kind and soft nickname and he likes the way it sounds when it’s whispered and he thinks nothing is more perfect than nicknaming you angel and he says it all the time like “ok, angel,” and “see you tomorrow, angel,” and, “love you, angel,” and it’s so quiet but so sweet hwbwjsjd 

oikawa; he’s about to be in 90% of these cause he’ll be calling you anything but your name. is it because he wants to be annoying and to get on your nerves? or is it because he genuinely means it? the world will never know. you’re not even sure he himself does. 

DOLL ! — 

matsukawa; are you kidding me this is his. it’s HIS. he sounds so hot saying it and he looks so hot saying it and he’s so charming and it’s so like easy on his tongue. and he has a slight drawl to it too and he always says it with this aura of relaxation and ease it’s so hot. he just. he loves it. he loves you. you love it. the world is a better place. 

atsumu; he thinks he’s way cooler than he is when he says it. you suppose he is pretty hot when he calls you doll but you’re not gonna tell him that!!! it’s not his go-to but you can catch it slipping off his tongue every once in a while. 

kuroo; yesyesyes he loves it. only ever says it when he’s so up close and personal with you like cups your cheeks and hovers his lips against yours like, “heya, doll,” and he’s just so handsome. ugh. 

kageyama; at the start of your relationship, kageyama called you by your name and nothing else!! but then he had like this talk w someone and they asked him what he calls you and he realized like,,, am i supposed to be doing it differently??? spent so long just searching up “cute nicknames for my s/o” and then he found “doll” and was like ok. i’ll try. and he tried!! and it stuck!! plus timeskip kags calling you doll??? that’s so hot bye

oikawa; this might be the only sincere nickname he has for you cause everything else is either to provoke you or to be cringy and annoying. and i’m sure you prefer doll over sweet cheeks and pumpkin pie and cinnamon whatever like you hungry tōru?? anyways he loves loves loves calling you doll cause he thinks it’s such a ? smooth and serene nickname? and his voice always gets deeper and quiet when he says it so!!!! 

SUNSHINE ! — 

hinata; please he is all the sunshine, but he always claims that you’re the true sun in his life. idk hinata would be so lame yet so cute like that :( and he always says it with such a big grin he’s so cute pls :( 

tendō; he’s so cute he’s so cute he’s so cute !!!!! your contact name is “my sunshine” definitely definitely definitely. he is literally in love with you and wants the whole world to know it. he loves screaming it out for everyone to hear but also absolutely adores like hugging you from behind and whispering in your ear as he kisses your cheek, “hey, sunshine.” :(((((

kenma; kenma doesn’t wanna think too hard on the whole nicknames thing but he also does kind of sort of really wants to call you something special and the first thing that pops in his head is sunshine. first time he used it you were Shocked but he was acting nonchalant about it (read: freaking out on the inside) and you were like “ok guess im sunshine now.” and you are his sunshine to this day. 

BABY/BABE ! — 

atsumu; it’s easy and it’s endearing!! he personally loves being called babe but he loves hugging you close to him after a long day and just sighing, “hey, baby,” like. he loves it okay. he thinks it’s perfect cause it fits and cause it’s like kinda traditional yk!! 

bokuto; he loves calling you baby cause he just cannot fathom that you’re his like he loves to always say it!!! and he loves how casual it is too like he can just call you that?? that’s so cool?? 

iwaizumi; again with the traditional but endearing and fitting. he doesn’t have to think too hard on it, but also it still means something and is more than just your name or a shorter version of it. also he sounds so hot calling you baby or babe idk i just know it. 

hanamaki; king of “babe! babe :( babeeee! babee. babe come on! babe! baby :(” you’re 99% sure he’s just provoking you at this point. like say babe one more time. but he actually loves resorting to baby, especially when you’re upset and he wants to be as endearing and kind as he can to you. 

daichi; very traditional too tbh. honestly when you two first started dating it was all he could think of saying without feeling awkward or feeling like he was trying too hard. later on when he started to feel more comfortable and more secure he got more creative. 

nishinoya; he has been waiting for this moment his whole life. the moment he can actually call someone his baby or babe. it’s his favorite and possibly only nickname (aside calling you pretty or gorgeous or handsome) and it will always be. 

MY LOVE ! —

akaashi; definitely definitely definitely calls you “my love” like i am 100% sure of this. akaashi is just so. he’s just so romantic but it’s also so unintentional? he says it because it feels natural and it feels right like you are his love after all, aren’t you? 

sakusa; he’s not one for elaborate nicknames honestly, and he feels like “my love” is the right balance of sweet, kind, fitting, and subtle and serene. it’s not doing too much but it’s also doing more than enough yk? also people that look like they would wear a trench coat/blazer and a turtleneck beneath also look like they would use the term “my love” hence sakusa and akaashi. 

tendō; i am telling you guys he is a simp. the loveliest simp ever. he says it so sweetly too like it genuinely makes your tummy twist and heart backflip when you hear him say it cause you can hear how genuine he is in his words oh my god. 

kita; he just !!! he is just husband material okay!!! he is so endearing and he says it in the softest most genuine voice ever and it’s literally his go to because yes you are his love you’re his entire world!!! he loves you!! he wants you to know it every time he calls out to you!! 

BUNNY/PUPPY ! —

bokuto; ARE YOU KIDDING ME. HE LOVES IT. he. loves it. he just finds it so cute and like. he loves the way he associates it with you now. prefers puppy over bunny but like. he loves both. he adores both. 

matsukawa; calls you bunny all the time. not more than doll, but it’s definitely so common. he won’t use it around others not because it’s embarrassing but more because he kinda wants it to be just a thing between the two of you, honestly. 

kenma; IT SLIPPED ONCE AND HE WAS LIKE. A DEER CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS. he calls you bunny!! sometimes, not always. when he wants something from you mostly. “pass me the water.” “no.” “bunny please :(” it works like magic every time. 

oikawa; oh my god can you imagine??? he loves it so much because one, he thinks it’s such a cute nickname props to whoever decided let’s use pets as literal pet names, but also two, he thinks nothing describes you or fits you better. you are just his bunny :( his puppy :( he loves you :( 

kageyama; timeskip kageyama calls you puppy. i have nothing more to say.

hinata; timeskip hinata calls you puppy. again, i shall say no more. 

suna; hello !!! he loves to call you bunny and/or puppy. the feel of satisfaction he gets when he calls you that like ,,, he feels like you’re properly his yk? yk.

KITTEN ! — 

kuroo; this one is for him and only him. 

LOVELY ! — (maybe sweetheart too) 

osamu; is there anything more beautiful than a tired osamu snuggling up to yoi and with a deep gravely voice saying, “missed you, lovely,” ? no there is not. it’s his favorite nickname for you, and he uses it all the time!! kisses your forehead as he leaves and tells you, “have a good day, lovely,” and comes back home and says, “hiya, lovely,” and tilts his head when you wanna talk to him about something like, “what’s up lovely?” cause you are his lovely, you’re his loveliest. 

sugawara; i have no other explanation other than i can picture it perfectly. he thinks it’s the best choice of a pet name he’s ever chosen and thought of. and he loves the smile on your face whenever he says it, he thinks it’s the sweetest thing ever <3 

BAE ! —

hanamaki; is it a joke? is it not? both. 

okay im sure i missed so many boys but i can’t think of any rn bc it’s like. hella late :( but i wanted to put something out for you guys!! point is, if i didnt mention a boy and you want to know, send me an ask!! and if i didn’t mention a nickname and you want to know that too? send me an ask well!! ill be happy to answer it <3 

love u all mwah <3 

[theresa-nam-nam-me]

| hybrid seokjin | true love

Masterlist

Requested?: yes

Sugar glider Hybrid jin x reader

Summary → owners and their hybrids, a magical story of the two falling in love at first sight but jin knew better then anyone that this wasn't the case. Meeting you though, was nothing but a pure miracle.

Warnings: none

"Y/n!" Your friend shouted for you "yes misa?" You said trying to swallow your salad "I and jisoo are going to Italy next week" she said excitedly showing you her plane tickets. "That's great!" You smiled "and i, kind of need a favor" she dragged her words "i was wondering if you could look after jin for a few days, while I'm in Italy." You had forgotten she had that sugar glider hybrid she hadn't talk about him much "you aren't bringing him along with you?" You asked confused "uh, no i don't want him to ruin the mood, so will you please!" She begged clasping her hands together. You knew he was a hybrid but he was also a grown man, couldn't he take care of himself? "Fine" you sighed

The week passed too quickly and now you were standing outside misas door with a small suitcase in hand. "Y/n! Come in" she gestured you inside. "Good evening misa" you greeted, looking forward was rather a tall hybrid with small ears, a long tail that match the soft brown of his hair, and plump red lips. "Good evening jin" you smiled taking off your coat "good evening Miss. L/n," he said "oh please call me y/n" he smiled and nodded "ill show you to your room," misa said dragging you alongside her. "Here you go" she opened the door. The room was just a plane guest room with a bed, small tv, and a few plants.

"Well ill see you in a few days, take care!" Misa waved to you before sprinting out the door. After unpacking your things you left your room and a great creamy smell hit you. You followed it into the kitchen seeing jin make an alfredo sauce. "What is that?" You asked "oh, it's nokey" (Italian dish) "it smells amazing" you complemented making him smile "thank you, would you like some?" He asked, you nodded your head happily. Seokjin placed the bowls on the table and pulled out a seat for you. "Thank you jin" you said before sitting down.

Jin picked up his fork blowing away the steam making his cheeks puff up. "Do you like it?" He asked, tail slightly swinging behind him "yes, it's delicious" you said stuffing your face with more "I thought I'd be making dinner for you though" you commented. He could clearly cook very well without issue so you didn't see why he needed to be babysat. After dinner you decided to take a shower before bed. getting out you wrapped a towel around you, when you opened the door you were met with jins now flustered face “oj jin, can i help you?” you questioned, he shook his head “i was wondering if you would like to watch a movie” he asked “sorry jin maybe tomorrow, i'm really tired right now”

you felt bad seeing jins smile drop and silently moving out of the way “goodnight jin” you smiled making his small ears perk up again “goodnight y/n'' it took you a few minutes to adjust but you slowly started to drift off with heavy eyelids and the sounds of rain hitting the roof. you were barely coneses when you felt the other side of the bed dip. “hello” you grumbled out looking through halfly opened lids. “sorry i just don't like storms...may i stay here” you nodded not thinking much of it until you felt him cuddle into you. his head hid in your neck, you let out a soft sigh before combing your hands through his hair.

The sun shines through the window and you hid under the cover but the sudden smell of pancakes slowly pulled you out of bed leading you to the kitchen “Jin?” You called seeing him flip pancakes over the stove “good morning y/n” he greeted you “please take a seat in almost done with breakfast” you nodded seating yourself at the table watching him flip a few more pancakes before placing them on a plate and setting it in front of you. “ thank you seokjin” he smiled before digging into his plate. You whipped you mouth with a cloth before picking up your plate and washing it “would you like to watch a movie today before I go?”

“Yes, do you like Avengers?” he asked. You nodded after seokjin finished his plate he quickly washed up before sitting on the soft Couch turning on the tv. “Sit with me” he pulled you next to him as you held a bowl of popcorn. You had seen the movie plenty of times before so it was no surprise when you started drifting off to a soft nap and slowly leaning against seokjins shoulder. “Im back!” a loud voice interrupted your peaceful slumber making you flinch away from jin as if being caught doing something wrong. You quickly regained yourself standing up straight “misa! How was your trip?” you asked moving into a hug “amazing, you should have seen it, such a beautiful country!” she smiled greatly. “How was jin?” she asked looking over at him, her voice toning down from her energetic energy. “Oh, he's fine, he is a grown man after all” she only mumbled an “i guess” to your comment before changing the subject.

After a few more minutes of catching up, you packed your stuff and headed to the door “y/n” jins voice called behind you, when you turned your head jin held out his hands holding out a small box, you gentle took it from his hold “what is it?” you asked “some homemade chocolates...a thank you for visiting” he smiled “thank you jin” he nodded opening the door for you. “Goodbye jin” you waved goodbye to each other.

His smile feel as he closed behind you, he felt his heart suddenly ache as he walked deeper into the house. “Can y/n come for dinner?” Jin asked sering misa started to unpack, she just shot him a glare to leave her alone. That evening when dinner rolled around he sat in silence as misa stared at her phone paying no mind to him,you seemed to have plagued jins mind, he missed your conpany at the table and recalled the conversation you had together. He began to realize how lonely he truly was and how you weren't just in his head but filled his heart with a warm sensation.

That night he felt himself twisting and turning in bed, he was unable to sleep. The previous night cuddled up to you felt like such bliss that tonight couldn't satisfy him. He reluctantly threw his covers off and touched his feet to cold hardwood floors. He tiptoed into the living room seeing misa to occupied with what was on tv to notice him slipping by. He made his way to the door, slowly turning the nob before slipping out. He followed the smell of rosemary and soon ended up in front of a small apartment door. He honestly hadn't thought what hed do when he got to this stage but he knew it was to late to turn back now.

He slowly rose his hand knocking it against the door. “Hello” you peaked your head out from behind the door in your PJs and messy hair. “Hi y/n” jin greeted “oh seokjin, it's late is misa here?” you asked confusion. “No it's just me, I just wanted to see you and maybe stay a while,” he said awkwardly, not wanting to jump on you with the idea of mates just yet. “Uh sure,” you opened up the door making way for him. “What brings you here?” you asked closing the door “i thought we could hang out” you raised a brow looking up at the clock, “at 1 am?” he nodded his head. “We could finish our movie” he smiled hoping to lighten the mood. You nodded your head before making your way to the couch together.

-time skip (the next morning)-

The sun shined in between the curtains, you pushed your blanket of touching your feet to the cold hardwood before making your way into the kitchen. You could see jins sleeping figure on the couch, he stayed the night after falling asleep during the movie. You turned around to make breakfast. “Y/n?” seokjins mumbly voiced called out. “Good morning jin, I'm making breakfast if you'd like to take a seat” jin stood from the couch making his way to the dining room padding down his messy hair. You set his plate down in front of him and began to eat. “You never told me why you came over last night” jin nearly choked at your comment. “Oh well, you see there's this thing called a mate and-” the doorbell rang cutting off jins sentence.

You opened the door to see misa with a very unpleasant look on her face “misa you must be looking for jin-” you were loudly cut of by her yelling “so he is here!” she pushed past you “who gave you permission to leave last night?!” she screamed at him “it's really no big deal misa” you tried to rationalize. “I wanted to see y/n but you wouldn't listen!” jin yelled back slamming his hand on the table. “And this is the type of stunt you pull! You can't listen to you lucky if you ever see her again!” misa spat balling her first “You can't! Y/ns my mate!” he screamed out. There was a moment of f silence before misa gave a huff and snatched jin by the collar of his shirt in an attempt to drag him out the house. jin harshly pulled back riping his shirt. “Im staying with y/n!”he screamed pulling you in front of him.

“Please y/n will you keep me?” his eyes turned puppy looking at you. “But mias your owner not me” he sighed “but your my mate, like a soulmate!” he begged “i-i don't know jin misa can provide better-” “i don't care I want you y/n!” he said nudgeing his head into your shoulder. You looked back at misa who gave you a nasty glare but then back at jin who could break into tears at any moment “ill keep him” you said. Misas eyes widened before returning to a glare “fine!! but don't even think of coming back to get your stuff!” she yelled walking out slamming the door behind her.

Your mind was blank at what had just happened but you were brought back to reality by jin snuggling his face into your neck. “Thank you y/n this is all I've ever wanted” a sense of relief washed over you as you wrapped your arms around him, you didn't know what could become of this but you are willing to accept whatever it may be.

[bbarican]

august 28, 2022; 7:10 pm - long weekend

long post ahead! i feel like i havent really had the time again to just sit down and update my tumblr (and even myself tbh) with everything thats going on with my life so fair warning this post is going to be super long but feel free to read along

work:

i hate how work is all i ever think about nowadays kasi wala naman akong jowa, all my friends are busy too, tapos na yung board exam pumasa na ko and everything so talagang when i have problems at work, its all my brain can think about and its really exhausting

ill try to go in depth again about work in another post next time pero all i can say is its both really fun to be challenged but also its just really tiring too kasi it isnt the most ideal way of being challenged (if that makes any sense)

im just really thankful for my work friends kasi they constantly remind me na oo nga pala im not alone and they understand me more than anyone could kasi theyre living through these challenges too

family:

my tita and tito are leaving this week and its really bittersweet! i love having them here kasi nga its a great break from the mundane but its also very tiring to constantly have to be a host every single day so all in all im just really glad they got to visit and that they had fun here during their stay!

sana most of my cousins could come to our house tomorrow for my little celebration kasi i really do miss them plus ang daming pagkain na balak lutuin/bilhin ng nanay ko and i dont want that to go to waste

i miss my kuya so much and i wish march would come sooner para nandito na siya for a few months of vacation

i love my family and our dogs so much and im forever thankful for all the blessings we receive everyday and that we're always safe

personal:

where the fuck did this rain come from? it was partially sunny from yesterday to this morning and now its pouring again - i love the rain, not so much the lightning, but i really hope it doesnt rain tomorrow

im so excited for tomorrow kasi my brain is already making a mental to do list of the things i want to accomplish tomorrow before guests start arriving

im so emotional and extra bloated kasi magkakaroon na ulit ako ng period and most of the time naaamaze parin ako sa flor app kasi sobrang accurate niya when it comes to telling you how long before you get your period again (that is, if you make sure to always update the calendar once you do get your period)

i dont exactly know what to wear yet tomorrow - and yes inisiip ko parin yun kahit na sa bahay lang naman kami magcecelebrate

i got the tiny spray bottle that came with my keyboard cleaner to work! akala ko sira talaga siya ever since i got it pero i think i just havent been pushing it correctly all this time lang

i kinda want a cute mousepad too kasi ang panget ng mousepad na gamit ko whenever i use my laptop

music:

talk that talk is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than pink venom when it comes to comeback singles

im so so so happy about twice sounding more like they did around mid 2019-2020 kasi thats my favorite era from them and im just really happy na talk that talk fits that sound ive always been looking for from them

super love the y2k mv, the choreo is AMAZING, the song is really cute, and i really love how maganda yung distribution of lines nila in the song

theres this particular song i recently fell in love with and instead of gatekeeping it (even though im sure some of you might already know it) im going to share it with all of you kasi its one of the loveliest songs ive discovered in a really long time - golden hour by jvke; reminds me so much of call me by your name and feeling like youre in italy and falling in love and being outside, basking in the sunlight with your lover - i really hope someone, someday, remembers me when they hear this song

and thats it for another update post! again if youve made it this far, thank you again for reading my updates; i hope you all are doing okay and are staying safe and dry!

happy long weekend, tumblr! sulitin na natin to!