#im sure because of this I'll get people telling me 'thats a stupid reason to split' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ghostbrawl · 8 months

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sent the 🐯 - nono the thing is i do know you!! youre not a stranger im just... sometimes i get spooked off, from interacting so much. because sometimes i think people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset :( and thats got nothin to do with you, you didnt do anything wrong. its me with my stupid thoughts and shit. i think youre really cool and i love your art and style and you seem so confident and dont give a shit about a lot of things. im intimidated by that

tried to answer this one privately and realized i couldn't because its an anon ask haha .. welp! i still want you to hear my input on this one so it's just going to be no reblog.

i'm going to put my response under the cut though for the sake of people's dashboards and because it's somewhat mushy. continue if you dare, followers - i'll be talking in depth about, like, emotions an shit.

so i sat on this ask for a while and really rolled it around my enclosure a little bit. full disclosure i need to just say for a long time i also felt this way - by that i mean feeling as though [people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset] - for various reasons.

one reason was that i had experienced real world examples of this sort of coddling many times - people online and in real life would often entertain me to my face and talk about me behind my back, mostly until i got too annoying to bear and was openly lashed out at or shunned. most of these incidents occurred when i was 16 or younger, to be fair, but they did make a mark on me.

another reason was just anxiety - if i didn't know exactly what the people around me thought, it would be safe to say those thoughts were bad. it would've verified what i thought about myself- and assuming those people already hated me allowed me to empathize with the versions of my loved ones that i created in my head. i often mourned the fact that they had to deal with me before i even knew whether they were annoyed or not.

these were the two main reasons why i often felt like people hated me, but i'm sure there were more.

i don't have an EXACT read on who you are anon, though i feel like i have an idea (you don't have to tell me, but if you'd like, reach out and send me a dm) - but personally, if we know each other, and i've not yelled at you or blocked you or told you not to talk to me, there's an incredibly decent chance (99%) that i neither hate you nor think you're annoying.

if you're my next door neighbor from two years ago, i take that back. but if you aren't, keep reading!

other than in my deepest darkest worst moments, i've pretty much trained myself out of the kneejerk assumption that my friends and loved ones hate me. i'll try not to sound preachy when i talk about why, but trust me when i say i have a point here in talking about it.

anyway - here's how i stopped doing that.

#1 - i started to model my own understandings of people's attitudes toward others based on my own attitudes.

ok i know that sounds weird or isn't very easy to understand so let me just give an example.

a technique i used a lot was just thinking through how, when, and why i liked or loved my friends. i loved my friends because they have similar interests to me, because of the history we had together, because it was easy to communicate with them, because i loved their minds and ideas, because they enriched my life (even when i didn't talk to them as much), because i was excited to hear from them + learn about their life, because i cared about them and didn't want to see them sick or hurt, because they were fun to hang out with, etc. etc etc.

then, i'd think about how i felt when one of my friends messed up, was irritating, annoying, or made me angry in some way. depending on how egregious the ill was, i reacted anywhere from pretty much none at all (for most irritations or annoyances) - to 'angry in the moment, it fades later' (for high stress situations in which i had no excuses for that friend) - to 'we seriously need to work this out' (for ongoing situations in which i was building up the strength to address).

most of the time, the irritations i encountered fell into the first category. many times i couldn't even be annoyed - i loved those friends so much that it didn't even matter, either in the very second the irritation happened or in the grand scheme of things.

in the few moments that i encountered more grave irritations such as those in the last category, what usually would happen is either that me and the other person sorted out our grievances and both agreed to change our behavior, or we parted ways.... and many of the friends i parted ways with i found wanting their company again and reconnected with them.

in evaluating myself in the context of my friends, though i can never know how, when, or why my friends love me, i know for relative certainty that when i am irritating or annoying to them, it is incidental and fades just as quickly for them as it fades for me. my friends will never be as concerned with my small flaws and ills as i am - it simply doesn't affect them nearly as much as it affects me.

^ this idea is doubly true for acquaintances and people you don't know as well as to say "friends" -- at the acquaintance level people can choose whether to get closer or to drift, factoring in time, interest, hyperfixation, location, their jobs, etc.

but this first technique only worked when i had the self-esteem to internalize the fact that other people's inner worlds were both just as complex as mine (holding complex feelings about oneself and each other) and just as simple as mine (annoyed or not? and for how long? etc)!

so another thing that really helped me was

#2 - faking confidence until i could build it properly.

i know everyone says this shit and it seems so ineffectual when it feels much more grounded and real to be cynical, to be anxious and upset with oneself.

and in many senses, it IS ineffectual - immediately. faking confidence is something that only works over years of doing it, and in faking your confidence you must also identify very real parts of yourself to be Actual Confident(tm) about and work toward feeling that way for real.

faking confidence is the sandbox where i, personally, found actual things to be proud of myself for within. when i faked confidence in my voice, way of thinking, my art, and my personality, i eventually found actual things to like in each of those aspects of myself based on how people reacted to that "front" of confidence i put up about those aspects of myself.

for a while i faced an awkward phase where my faked confidence was so intense that it manifested as arrogance and aggression toward others -- avoid this if you can . facepalm emoji.

but in presenting myself as somebody who was equal (or even greater) than other people in social situations i was in, other people pointed out things to be praised about me.

at first i'd be skeptical, but i'd keep it in the back of my mind. but over time, i'd see over and over the success of those parts of myself in social situations, artistic circles, athletic contexts, etc, and start to think "maybe i am good at [x]" or "maybe [personality trait] about me is helpful and cool", and on and on and on.

confidence and self-like is a process that builds on itself and gets easier over time. the second i began to question whether traits i had were really harmful or bad, the more i started to see reinforcing evidence of the contrary; of them being productive, healthy, interesting, worth having rather than destroying.

and the further you progress in this avenue, the easier it is to #not give a shit about things - or to respond less to attacks on the psyche or personality.

and when i reinforced + gained a respect for the parts of myself i once hated, it became easier to believe that others could admire me as much i admired them - that others could brush off my shortcomings as easily as i brushed off theirs.

recently, i hate to admit, i've had to start this process of loving myself all over again as i've started to experience a major personality shift brought on by gaining different + new responsibilities in my life. i respond differently to new circumstances so many times that i'm becoming somebody different - somebody i'm not yet prepared to love. somebody that i'm much more inclined to loathe, because i've seen the effects of my new personality traits on myself and others; not in observing my own actions, but in observing the actions of people in my life with the same personality traits such as my family.

so for now my confidence in a lot of situations is much shakier than it used to be - but the foundations i created back when are still there. when i don't believe in myself or punch down on myself i can keep it relatively contained internally and not project it onto others - or if i can't avoid projecting it, i at least understand on some level that i'm being unreasonable... and i can still keep that outward confident look pretty seamlessly while working out new insecurities from within.

trust me - i give a lot of shits, and so does every other confident person you know. we just keep it to ourselves - not to say that keeping it to oneself is inherently better, but it just helps to keep oneself from spiraling into deeper and deeper self hatred. keeping that hate on the down-low keeps it from gaining significant power.

in terms of being intimidated by other confident people....

i have nothing really to say about that. i think it's something that both affirms and worries the confident person in question - to be intimidating is to be slick and cool and impenetrable. but to be intimidating is also to be impenetrable (/neg) - impossible to see the inner life of through that glare of coolness or confidence. i guess its a double edged sword, i dunno.

but i think it gets easier to see even the intimidatingly cool as dorky, regular people when you recognize that pretty much everyone has or had crappy self image at one point. people are less intimidating when you allow the idea that they too, are people who fuck up, who go through things, who break down, who hate themselves, and who are just trying their best to seem like somebody lovable and worthwhile. and do that in order to CHASE interactions with others - and that wanting those interactions doesn't reflect badly on you or them.

but idk. i get it if u don't wanna read all that.

TLDR: ur thoughts aren't stupid and we've all been there. and i'm just some tumblr user on the internet it's really not so serious or scary. i post incessantly about robot sex and wizards instead of getting groceries. and everyone is just as stupid and dorky as the worst person you know and that's totally fine.

#may archive or private or delete this post once i feel like the anon in question has seen this - sorry for the MASSIVE fucking post.

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cheetahpaw-reg · 9 months

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agere thought piece

tldr/ my gf makes me feel so safe and loved that i start to regress when we hang out, but in a way thats really long winded and poorly phrased

think ive talkd abt this before but im in a more adult headspace so i wanna expand lol

whenever i hang with my gf, i feel small because of how comfortable i am. i was reflecting on why this is, and i think that it's a number of things. firstly, i let my guard down around her. i feel safe. i dont really expect her to hit me or yell at me, so even when i subconsciously avoid certain things i have linked with negative interaction, i think my brain trusts her enough that im not tense. this also leads me to mask less and less around her (making me feel even more comfortable). it's exhausting to mask, and sometimes i fear that i dont have a personality outside of what ive curated for others, and she reassures me by just being there that i might be a real person w a personality isolated from the people around me. so i tend to feel really calm and safe around her, which is already peak slipping conditions. then, on top of that, she's nice to me. for NO REASON.

she plays with my hair (which in and of itself makes me feel small) and holds my hand and hugs me and listens to me when i talk. she remembers things i say about my special interests and hyperfixations, she laughs at my jokes. when i cry she doesnt laugh at me, or tell me to shut up. she doesnt invalidate the emotional abuse ive suffered from my parents. she doesnt laugh at me, or make me feel like im going crazy. she doesnt make me feel insolent or stupid or lazy or like im a terrible person. she lets me win in board games and helps me build lego sets and doesnt get mad at me when i feel overwhelmed.

j think i feel small and start to regress around my gf because even though looking at it logically, my gf is just being like a decent human, its so much more leway than i was ever granted as a child. i dont have to perform for her, i dont need to be perfect for her to stjll love me.

earlier in our relationship i didnt really feel this, because i wasnt comfortable. it was grade 10, we were 15, and i thought that we'd break up when she realized that im not as interesting or fun as she thought i was. but, it was around my birthday last year, when i turned 17, that i think for the first time im my life i felt truely loved by someone. and ever since, i think my mask has been completely removed, and a by-product is my regression. i just feel so taken care of that i start to regress.

and j think back on moments where i was with her and definitely teetering on the smaller side (and acted childish) and she was still so nice. i lost a game we were playing and started to pout, we played again and (im pretty sure) she let me win. i was really tired from school amd started to regress and fall asleep, she said i was cute and let me play with her fjngers. i started talking abt the lego movies and telling her the plots while we put together the lego bonsai and she listened and laughed and helped me put together the harder parts and. i just. idk.

on one hand, i feel kinda sad that someone just being nice to me is enough to make me regress involuntarily, but on the other its nice to know that i trust her because i tend to consciously avoid letting people in.

its also scary though because, were graduating high school in june, and we plan to stay together. like, ideally, forever, and im scared that at a certain point, I'll tell her about my regression, and she'll get weirded out and not know how to act around me, or she'll break up with me. its completely in her right, but i really love her and dont want my regression to potentially ruin what we have (if we stay together, i know alot of high school couples break up first year of uni)

#age regression #agere #agere sfw #sfw agere #toddlerre #toddler regression #age regressor #sfw age regression #sfw regression #autistic agere

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ahaura · 2 years

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lb for mando s3e1

anyway i still think its fucking stupid that the armorer declared din no longer mand on account of him taking of his helmet ONE TIME to say goodbye to HIS SON

DIN AND BABY TO THE RESCUEEEEEEEEEEE

i understand that the armorer is coming at this from like. having her entire people wiped out but the fact that din has to convince her that he CAN be redeemed is so silly like lil baby grogu TELL HER TELL YOUR DAD IS A MANDALORIAN

GROGU WANTING TO CUDDLE WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I GONNA CRY

grogu making the spinny chair spin my boy <3

yes im ignoring half the plot for my frog son what about it

i might be night picking but something about this feels so...wooden? idk maybe im just not feeling it

DIN? WANTING A DROID TO COME WITH HIM? CRAZEE

something something remember when anakin built threepio something something din choosing a droid that he can trust not with just his own life but his child's idk idk but i SEE it

oh my god that's probably straight out of din's nightmares like that nursery droid turned back into a killer trying to kill his son and all he can do is shoot and do nothing but it takes a metal bust of greef karga is to kill it. it never ends huh

GROGU GRABBING THE LIL DROIDSMITH AHAHAHAHAHAH

rip to karga trying to hire mando but no dice

IM SOBBING IM CRYING DIN IS TEACHING GROGU ABOUT WHAT IS TO BE A MANDALORIAN BECAUSES THATS HIS SON THAT HIS FAMILY AND ITS TRADITION WAAAAAAAAAAAAH

"you killed 4 of my brothers in cold blood" arent you like. a pirate. who also probably kills people. hes a bounty hunter what do you expect

"your cult gave up on us long before the purge" PRETTY SURE HE WAS A FUCKING CHILD? BITCH?

bo katan is soooooo funny "YOU are the reason our people fractured" pretty sure it started long before that like there was infighting there was civil war there was exile and THEN the empire decided to bomb mandalore and kill mandalorians en masse like there are multiple factors that contribute to the fracturing of the mandalorian people and the splintering of its culture but like. din isnt one of them lmao?????? but she is also a product of the horror that was the decimation of mandalore shes no different from the armorer on that front but what they DONT know is that there are supposed to be UNIVERSAL MANDALORIAN TENETS that BOND THEM TOGETHER in spite of OTHER DIFFERENCES because they have survived for thousands of years by DOING SO like i want to shake everyone in this show by the shoulders like in eu/legends lore even when separated by star systems and species and language mandalorians are supposed to be able to recognize each other by armor and speak mando'a and have the same 7 mando tenets (i think its 7 i'll have to check) its how theyve survived across countless years and obviously thats harder in practice especially after the civil war and the purge and what have you but you like. god i feel like a chihuahua trying to bite a chew toy to death

rip 2 bo katan for wallowing in her castle probably one of the few unscathed remnants of mandalorian architecture and engineering lounging on her throne doing absolutely nothing even when din says "ive come to join you" like i get it but...

anyway that was ep1 i dont really care about the plot im just here for fun and baby grogu and tin can man and i thought it was a bit wooden of an episode idk if thats me and my lack of enthusiasm but it didnt seem to have a lot of spark/love to it

ANYWAY

#📺 lb

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s0lar-ch3ri · 2 years

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(serious post) talking bout things i need to.

alright, this isnt going to be some "oh haha funni" post like i always do. i need to speak out or it feels like no one else will. you can not read this if you want, i just want to talk about them. (organized into paragraphs) there will be triggering topics i'll speak about and ill try to trigger them appropriately.

theres a surplus of youtubers who react to "fat tiktok" and its never any positivity. these videos get hundreds of thousands of views, and im pretty sure no one sees whats wrong with it. i am considered to be in a "plus size" range, and the videos fucking hurt. its stupid because the whole idea of that side of tiktok is to show that being okay with not being barbie is okay, and its always judged negatively. no, im not fucking over reacting when theres videos talking about how that entire side of tiktok should be gone. yes, there are toxic parts on that side, but i dont tell you to get off youtube or whatever your on because something you like has a toxic part of it. its fucking stupid that these guys (its like all guys) think they have the right to look at these videos and call them cringe over and over and over and then think theyve made a good video or done a good job. i agree, promoting obesity isnt that good a thing, but dont shame the entirety of a community because one person did it. no one who has done these videos has tried to apologize if theyre being offensive, theyre just like "dont hate us if these guys are cringe lol". its not hard, this is just restating the idea of barbie bodies being better. its not hard to let people be happy with how they look. like i said, "fat tok" is not an angel and has problems which can be addressed but judging the full part and saying it should be gone as a whole is just fucking fat phobic. can we stop mixing bisexual and pansexual? they have different names for a reason. bisexual and pansexual arent the same and yet theyre still mixed FOR NO REASON. bisexual is where you feel attraction for 2 genders (thus the prefix bi which means 2) and pansexual is attraction is regardless of gender. my sibling is the main reason i want to talk about this, being bisexual and being pansexual arent the same. if your bi, that doesnt mean your pan and vise versa. i struggled with labels for a shit ton of 2020-2021 and even this year, and hearing labels made so people can actually make sense of how they feel and know theyre not alone (i feel like it for me) getting mixed around with each other hurts. to me, its erasing identities by just saying theyre one. idgaf if you or someone identifies as both, thats fine. saying theyre one in the same is not. i hate those memes of "girls vs boys". they arent even fucking funny, theyre just cringe sexist stereotyping "jokes" put out to be consumed and for those who watch or see them to believe that theyre good and funny and okay. they arent. stereotypes arent cool, going "haha woman stupid" isnt funny, shut up. the boys vs girls memes always make the girls do something "stupid" first, then shows the boys being chads or some shit. for example, that boys vs girls time machine meme. the girls always go to see an ancestor of theirs, while the boys go do some crazy shit in the past. you may think theres nothing wrong, but there is. the way its shown and made is to show that girls are weird but boys are cool. the entire idea of the joke is that girls are stupid. its with every topic these memes have that the girls are in the wrong because theyre dumb for doing this or that. i know what some people think: "oh, your biologically a woman, so of COURSE this isnt funny to you and your just taking offense cause your a drama queen" or whatever shit. the reasoning there is fucking stupid, me being a woman that takes offense shows the joke is offensive and shouldnt be made. also, i bet some guys with brains would find the jokes uncomfortable. sexism isnt funny to anyone but 60 year old boomers that make "i hate my wife" jokes. if your wondering why its not that many, im shortening it so it can actually post. the other triggers will be added in the reply to this, dw.

#tw: sexualization #tw: fat shaming #tw: fatphobia #tw: sexism #tw:erasure of cultures

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paintedpineleaf · 11 hours

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"when you realize its almost 2025 and youre still in love with the same girl since 2021"

"how fast i'd run to her if she ever wanted to try again"

not me. not me cause i've dated two people and had situationships with two other people and never fallen truly in love with any of them. ive never lost my mind over any of them, i wouldnt run back to any of them if they ever wanted to try again. one person i broke up with said when i broke up with them that maybe we could try again in the future. i said maybe even though i knew i wouldnt want to. i feel more like the "when you dont say anything to a man and let him yap on and after a while he says "wow i really like you"".

i dont think some of my friends would miss me if i wasnt in their lives, in the sense that they would miss anything specific about me, my personality or my sense of humor or literally anything. i know thats a shit thing to say about people who consider me their friend.

its strange that ive never loved anyone more than my childhood friends to run to. if there was anyone i'd run to it'd be a friend i had in fifth grade who i basically never talked to again after leaving that school even when i went back there for two years. this is gonna delve into a sob story about my school but they're the only person i can think of.

i made a playlist recently called "i love you so much it hurts" amd the description was about this almost one-sided love ("i smile even when we argue cause i get to talk to you (i'll reply to everyone's texts but yours cause i can't handle what you mean to me)") andy friends asked me who it was about and i couldnt even give them a straight answer cause i didnt even know. i want to love someone and give my whole heart to them until it comes time to do it and i just. dont.

that seems slightly dishonest cause i was actually thinking if one of my friends when making that playlist, except it was one of those moments where, for no reason, you feel some kind of really intense love for someone, then the moment passes, and you feel normal about them again. i dont feel that way about the person all the time, and idk if i will again.

i think i might be aromantic cause i dont feel that kind of attraction towards people, but i do want to date people, and i get crushes on people where i want to pursue them romantically, i just get turned off once i actually get the person. which is so fucking shit, its a shit thing to feel and a shit thing to put a person through. idek what i mean by turned off, its not even exactly that, i just dont make relationships work.

i know its my fault, i just cant or dont give it my all, like im so fucking terrified to potentially love someone and get my heart broken that i dont even try. i want to end it before they do, it can't hurt if i stop loving them before they stop loving me.

that was actually why i broke up with my last gf, like i literally told them it was cause i wasnt ready for a proper relationship cause i couldnt give them my all, or even a part of me that anyone else didnt also have. they said they loved me and if one day i was ready, we could try again. what does that mean? why do you love me that much? what did i do? if i need to have done something to deserve someone hating me, then i did something to get that love, and i dont know what i did.

we're still friends but i still can't handle my relationship with that person because of the fact that i know they love me (not romantically) and i dont know if i love them the way they really deserve. it feels like they love so openly and freely and im misusing it. it sounds so fucking cliche and stupid to say that i feel unworthy of their love but i think thats how i feel. im not sure.

even so, i literally tell them nothing about me. we talk about their day, and what they did and something about their sister, and what theyre writing, but never anything about me (which isnt a problem, i like it that way, i told them i dont like talking about myself so its fine for them to talk about themself, and they do, and i find it nice to listen to them usually. i told them i'd say something about myself if i had something to say, and i dont like being asked, and they respect those boundaries and i really appreciate it)

sometimes i really want someone i can talk to about myself but that shit makes me feel so vulnerable like what if im boring them or what if they make fun of me. i know this person'd never do that and they'd probably be actually interested in whatever i talk about but that just seems to make it worse. i cant even point to what it is but just the thought of talking about myself to them makes me feel so uncomfortable. why are you interested why are you replying to me why do you seem like you care why do you care.

anyway this was a long rant about how im incapable of loving anyone or letting myself be loved and simultaneously craving the feeling of both loving someone intensely and being loved in turn and how its all my fault

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pesterloglog · 10 months

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Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley

Act 4, page 1627

TT: I spoke with Jaspers.

TT: I didn't understand what he told me.

TT: He said I'll understand once I "wake up".

TT: For some reason this made me think of you.

GG: hehehe......

GG: yeah i bet hes right!

TT: We wouldn't happen to be talking about awakening in a sort of breezy, philosophical sense, would we?

TT: Is my dead cat concerned with my enlightenment? Should I prepare to shed this coil of ignorance and suffering?

GG: wow no i dont think so...

GG: hes being a bit more literal than that!

GG: what did he say?

TT: I doubt I could reproduce the statements with fidelity.

TT: It was like listening to a five year-old describe a dream.

TT: The content manages to take a back seat to the simple heartwarming spectacle of the moment.

GG: :)

GG: well what he meant was.....

GG: that you have a dream self

GG: who is supposed to wake up whenever your real self goes to sleep

GG: we all do! all four of us i mean

GG: but see your dream self still stays asleep when you go to sleep

GG: because you havent woken up yet!

TT: I think I get it.

TT: I take it your "dream self" is wide awake when you sleep?

GG: yes

TT: And would I be out of line in additionally presuming this has been the case for many years, at least as long as I've known you?

GG: no you would not be out of line!

GG: in fact im asleep now

TT: That was to be my next wild presumption.

GG: :p

TT: So when I wake up, can I look forward to being able to message people in my sleep too?

GG: no only i can do that!

GG: because of my robot

TT: Oh, right.

TT: I forgot about your robot.

TT: My short term recall seems to eschew the profoundly ridiculous.

GG: you guys can probably make your own i guess......

GG: but you need to wake up first for it to matter and maybe by the time that happens you might not even need them!!!

TT: I'm not sure if necessity is a concept I'd associate with such a contraption even under some of the more obscure scenarios imaginable.

TT: But good to know I guess.

TT: Here's another question, which I'm sure will look stupid once I've finished typing it.

TT: If my dream self is asleep, does that mean she's dreaming, and if she is, who's dreaming the dream, her or me?

GG: um.......

GG: ok well i dont really know how to answer the second part but yeah shes dreaming!

GG: shes most likely lying in your bed troubled and restless

GG: about things burdening her

GG: which is to say you!!!!!

GG: things about who you really are and what your purpose is

GG: but you cant start figuring those things out yet because youre not awake because youre not ready yet

GG: thats why you have such terrible dreams all the time rose!

TT: Ok. How do I wake up?

GG: im sure it would help to start piecing together the clues to nudge your subconscious

GG: or maybe face some things you havent faced yet?

GG: i dunno! its for you to find out

GG: maybe the stuff you wrote on your walls can give you a clue?

TT: What stuff?

GG: the....

GG: er

GG: didnt dave tell you?

TT: Tell me what?

GG: ._.

TT: Are you saying he said I defaced the walls of my room?

TT: While not appearing to be cognizant of the scrawlings?

TT: Like John?

TT: I really hope that's not what you're saying.

TT: It might freak me out.

GG: he said he was going to tell you <_<;

TT: Hold on.

#homestuck #rose lalonde #jade harley #homestuck act 4 #page 1627

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needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves · 2 years

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Here I am!!!!! Just requesting a date with Mirabel and her big butt boyfriend 💗💗💗💗

Yeah fuck his name, thats who he is now, big butt boyfriend-you made me laugh so im hopping on this now.

"Thanks for offering to pay for lunch, Isa."

"Course. I gotta be a nice sister SOMETIMES. And so do you."

"W-I'm GREAT? Why, I was tempted to 'accidentally' spill orange juice on you this morning, but I didn't! That's nice!"

They couldn't help but giggle. They had a much better relationship than before, but they weren't exactly saints. Isa had offered to take her to the market, and go sample some of the foreign foods. Though, ever since Isa had tried this 'scottish egg' thing, she kinda assumed this was just an excuse to get her hands on some more of them. Not that she could complain, she was HUNGRY. She was craving cake for some reason-

"Why did you stop?"

She was frozen. Why? Because THERE HE WAS. Fucking bug boy cute butt, just sitting at a table, eating and sketching, all by himself. Mirabel immediately grabbed her sister, faking a smile.

"You know what? Lets just. Go eat at home! I'll cook for you, even! Whatever you want! Come on!"

Isabela stayed put, and of course, knew IMMEDIATELY.

"Oh my god- is THAT the guy tìa was telling us about? Huh. He's kinda cute. Honestly if he was a girl, I'd snatch him from you."

"ISA."

"Oh relax, I'm joking! Why are you acting so nervous? He's your boyfriend right?"

"Uhm. No. Not officially. I mean in my diary sure-"

"Oh my god. Here, imma help you."

"W-Isa! Isa get back here!"

Mirabel watched in horror (through the bushes obviously) as Isabela approached him. She wished she couldn't hear them. But she could.

"Hey, bug boy right?"

"Uh...yes? It's Beckett, but this appears to be what I'm known as. Can I help you?"

"You know my sister. Short hair, glasses, little shit sister who I love terribly."

"Oh, Miraposa, right?"

Oh no. Oh he used that stupid name still. She had to scream into her hand to keep from losing her mind.

"Actually its Mirabel."

"Oh right right- sorry, the names are so similar. So your sisters are Luisa and Mirabel- any other sisters I should know about?"

"Nope. But you should know THIS, she thinks you're like, super cute. So, since you're sitting here alone, you should buy her some food, and chat it up."

She was going to kill her sister. Straight up murder. Beckett winced.

"I'm sorry, I can't right now. I'm only allowed a short lunch before I have to get back to writing my reports."

Of course. Of course he had an excuse. She thought about just sneaking off back home and scream into her pillows, when he spoke again as he started to pack up.

"But, if she's free tonight, I would uh...love to take her out. Assuming she still remembers my name by then. You live at the house up the road, right?"

Oh my god. She had a date. A date with brunette bug boy and his butt. Okay she really needed to lay off the butt thing.

"Yep, but don't keep her waiting TOO long. If Luisa doesn't kill you, I will."

"...yep, you're definitely Isabela. Dully noted, miss."

"Good. Oh and one thing, she thinks you have a nice b-"

"NO I DON'T!!"

Mirabel fell out of the bushes, people around them staring. She looked up at her smirking sister. She was nicer, but not by much.

"What? I was gonna say she likes your book bag."

"Truly? Thank you, it's my father's."

He walked up to her, offering a hand. She tried not to squeal as she felt his fingertips against her palm. No wonder bugs liked him, with a touch that delicate. Not when he smelled this sweet and had a smile so nice.

"Uh. Thanks."

"Not a problem. But uhm,"

He whispered to her, trying to keep Isa from hearing.

"Do you ACTUALLY want to go on a date? I've had girls tricked into this before. Usually it's losing a bet. And I don't know why I'm still talking."

She couldn't help but chuckle. He was a little awkward, and it was comforting.

"No, for once, I agree with her on something. I'd love for you to take me out. Give you an apology for my sister threatening you."

"I would like that very much, Mirabel."

He looked like he wanted to say something else, when he looked at his watch, and swore under his breath.

"Fuckin' shite- I'm late. I'll pick you up tonight, promise!"

He hurriedly packed his things up, and after giving her a wave, he turned tail, and ran off. Isa nudged her with her shoulder, proud as proud could be.

"So. Am I the best sister or what?"

"You EMBARRASSED me! Now he probably thinks our family is nuts and-"

"He's out of earshot."

"OH MY GOD ISA I HAVE A DATE I HAVE A DATE!"

"YOU HAVE A DATE!!"

She couldn't help but hold her sister's hands, squeal, and jump around like an absolute bimbo. Can you blame her?

--------------------

"Oh my god Dolores told everyone already."

Mirabel knew the second she came back from lunch (though she was really too excited to eat, so they went jewelry shopping instead). Pepa greeted them first, all clouds and thunder and rainbows.

"Mi prima! Oh she has a DATE! And with such a cute boy!"

She squished her cheeks, and she was only given reprieve when Félix pulled her back, just a little.

"Mi amor, easy! Don't smother the poor girl! We're ALL excited!"

It seemed as if her getting a date was a damn holiday, given how everyone was just all over her. Luisa was absolutely giddy, Pepa wouldn't stop crying, Félix kept patting himself on the back for introducing them to each other- she barely had any breathing room.

"This is the first time I'm hearing of this. What boy is dating MY nieta?"

Camilo of course butted in, by transforming into the man in question.

"THIS slice of man meat. Seriously, jealous, dude's FINE."

Abuela cupped his face in her hand. She inspected him the same way one would a horse, even inspecting his teeth. She hummed in satisfaction, seeming pleased.

"Handsome boy. His hair is a LOT like your abeulo. What made you like this boy?"

"Think it's his 'assets'"

Camilo grinned, sticking his tongue out at Mirabel, before taking a step back when it looked like she'd attack. She would've too, had Abuela not been here. Abuela tucked a strand of hair behind her ear oh so tenderly.

"Well, regardless, we're happy to have him over for dinner-"

"Actually. I was going out with him. As in. Out of the Casita."

Everyone seemed to be astonished by that idea, especially Abuela. Thankfully, SOMEONE came to her rescue; Mariano.

"I'm with her on this one, actually. Love must be seeded-"

"Don't use seeded when talking about my daughter, please."

"Right right-love must be...grown, by itself first. Plus the whole family can be a bit...intimidating at first. I suggest we keep it to just a brief hello, and send these two lovebirds on their way."

Abuela really, REALLY liked Mariano. How did she know? Because she relented without much fuss.

"Very well. Perhaps a bit of...privacy, is warranted. I'll give you a few pesos from my pocket book, just in case."

Abuela wanted to say more, clearly, but she didn't. She raised a brow at her mom once Abuela walked away.

"Did she...look upset?"

"She's used to doing our hair before dates. Did it with us, even your sister. Her giving you space is a VERY big challenge for her. But, no worries, I'll help you get ready-"

"AND your tìa!"

"And your prima, obviously."

"And me."

Dolores, Pepa, and Julieta looked at Camilo. He gestured to himself, scoffing.

"I'm gorgeous, and not just because of my abilities. Trust me, I've got this."

Mirabel didn't have much as a choice as she was ushered into her room. She was set down in front of her vanity, all four of them studying her face curiously.

"We wanna keep the hair, or straighten it?"

"Ay mijo- lose these curls? Never."

"I dunno how white this boy is, I'm just trying to help."

Mirabel let herself be poked, prodded, prattled about. Regarding face washes, hair styles, earrings, even makeup. Then she held her hands up to silence them all.

"Okay, everyone, pause. Now. I have a few outfits to try, we're gonna pick what I look good in. But we're all gonna stay calm, it's a date, not my wedding."

"HAVE YOU ALREADY THOUGHT ABOUT A WEDDING?!"

Pepa covered her mouth with her hands in awe, cloud forming above her. Camilo helped fan it away with a chuckle.

"No mami, she just thinks she's got a handle on it. Let's let a girl try. Go for it, cuz."

With a slap of their hands, Mirabel excused herself to her folding screen. She put on one outfit, before walking out, letting herself be examined by her family. Camilo scowled.

"This was a mistake."

"Whats wrong with this?!"

Camilo nudged Dolores, who hesitated, before just coming out with it.

"It's...cute. But that yellow sweater is hideous, the turquoise under shirt with that purple ascot throws it way off, the orange under skirt clashes SO hard, the purple belt does NOT flatter your hips, the earrings look like a dead bird, the purple hat has just fucking faded- you look like I ate a fruit salad, threw up, and tried to clean it with one of Augustín's socks."

"...well. Tell me how you really feel."

Harsh, but hey, better than a lie. Dolores looked through her closet, even dipping around Mirabel to get to it, starting to pull things out.

"Try this."

She thought against it, before relenting. With a quick change, she came out, with everyone but her mami looking impressed. Pepa clapped excitedly.

"Oh! This one is SO pretty! Oye, why are you frowning, Julieta?"

She winced, trying to be delicate with her words.

"It's. Nice. But it's a bit...revealing. The belt hugs you a bit, and there's so much...shoulder."

"Right, that's what the burgundy scarf is for. Turns 'slutty' to 'cute'."

"So...I look good?"

Julieta bit her lip, before smiling apologetically.

"It's pretty. But more of a...later in the relationship outfit."

"Ay- you wore that thong once for Agustín, don't act like a puritan."

"PEPA!"

Mirabel sighed. Two outfits and she was already exhausted. Julieta let herself in the closet, handing her some clothes.

"Try these, mija."

She rolled her eyes, but obeyed. She came out a second later, wearing a bright yellow sun dress, a cream colored top, yellow earrings, and a sun hat. Pepa nodded, before scowling.

"It's pretty. Really pretty. But it's more 'going picking flowers' rather than 'romantic night out'."

Mirabel groaned, tossing her head back.

"Guys, come on, this is AGONY."

Camilo looked at his mom, gesturing to the closet.

"Etiqueta de equipo?"

Pepa nodded, and they both dug into her closet, dumping clothes into her arms. She gripped them tightly, her nose scrunched up in frustration. She got dressed once more, and looked at herself in her vanity. A turquoise blue top decorated in green pola dots, a green skirt covered in plant life that she sewed in herself, a salmon pink ascot, and a green headband. She wasn't gonna lie, it was...cute. She was expecting some problems with this one, before she saw a thumbs up from Pepa, Dolores, and Camilo. As for her mami, well-

"Oh que LINDA! You look so PRETTY! It's PERFECT!"

Julieta geedily held onto her cheeks to give her a bit of a smooch on her cheeks. Camilo dug into her jewelry box, and hooked her up with the right earrings, bracelet. He took a step back, nodding in approval.

"Not bad, cuz. We just need a little touch up. Sis?"

"On it."

Dolores had her sit in front of a chair, before pulling out her makeup kit. A little touch up of her brows, eyelashes, a touch of blush on her cheeks, and a VERY light brown lipstick. She still looked like herself, and she was thankful Dolores knew to not do too much. Her mom looked at her so fondly, it was a little embarrassing.

"Oh- I have to tell everyone to come up here! You wait right here!"

She rushed out of the room, and Pepa turned her chair to face her.

"Hold on, one more touch."

"Tìa!!"

Pepa undid two bottons on her shirt, clearly trying to draw attention to her chest.

"Mija, you wanna see that butt or what?"

"Well I mean yeah but-"

"Then, you gotta give a little to get a little. Trust me, One thing I know, is how to get guys with nice butts to fall for me. Could make a sport out of it."

Pepa stood up the second the door opened. Mariano walked in with Isabela, who were both clearly impressed.

"Oh my god- Dolores you made her look so PRETTY! You're so talented mi vida!"

Isa nodded in agreement, but kept scowling.

"Hold on. It needs...something. Ah!"

With a snap of her fingers, a big, white lily appeared on her headband.

"Thanks, Isa."

"Anytime, sis."

Then came the crybabies. Aka, Luisa and Agustín. The second they saw her, they were in absolute tears, consoling both each other, and a now weeping Mariano.

"MY BABIES ALL GROWN UP AND DATING!!"

"MIRABEL LOOKS SO PRETTY!!!"

"I FEEL THE LOVE HERE AND I WILL CRY ALL NIGHT."

Dolores nodded, with an expression that read endearing, yet exhausted.

"He will. Trust me."

She was about to thank everyone (while simultaneously telling them to calm down), when the doorbell rang, and there was just. Panic. People scrambled to see him through the window, to pick up the room, and Luisa fireman carried her downstairs like it was an emergency. He plopped her down as soon as she got her to the ground floor, just in time to see Alma talking to him. He looked nervous, poor guy.

She gestured for her family to stay put as she approached. Alma noticed her, and stepped back. Ugh, this guy. In a white shirt, a fancy looking waistcoat with just the prettiest embroidery and buttons, she was so goddamn under dressed. She actually wanted to apologize, when he chuckled.

"I. I'm terribly over dressed for this. And yet, you're far more striking than I."

Oh god he was so fucking sweet, she wanted to squeeze him and his tits (listen the suit was VERY firm fitting).

"Well, thanks. But don't discredit yourself, you don't look too bad, chico insecto."

"Heh. That's a new one. I like it. Though, I don't appreciate one thing, If I may be so blunt. Your sister lied to me, telling me you only have two sisters. If that's true, then who is THIS lovely woman?"

He gestured to Abuela, who was immediately charmed by him, given her chuckle.

"He's a sweet boy, Mira. But, he still has to bring you back by nine."

"On the dot, miss. Now, shall we?"

He gestured ahead of them, and she meant to wave goodbye, only to have those three erupt into tears again. She put her hand on his back, and ushered him forward.

"Move move move!"

She waited till she was out of the Casita to give herself a breath.

"Sorry. Everyone's just. Excited for me."

"Oh you should see my father, he was just as much of a mess. But at least we're alone, if only for a couple of hours."

She chuckled, before bumping her hips into his.

"So! What do you have planned?"

------------------------

"I never knew this place existed."

"It's a bit new, friend of my father's just opened it up."

It was so quiet, relaxing in this tea house. She'd never been to one of these places before, much less one so fancy. She sort of felt a bit awkward, being behind on her etiquette and all.

"How much family do you have up here?"

"It's just me and my father. We moved here temporarily due to my work. You know, I kinda realize I've been talking about myself these past few times we've talked. Let's talk about you. I want to know Mirabel."

He propped his chin on his propped up hands, giving her enough attention to make her sheepish.

"I mean, I'm sure Luisa has talked your head off already."

"About the family in general, yes. About you, I-"

He was interrupted when a man set down a silver tower full of goodies, and leaned down to his ear.

"I got you the good stuff. You were right, she's a real pretty girl~"

"Benzo, she can HEAR you."

The man raised his hands up a bit in defense before backing away, smirking. Beckett's cheeks were rosey as he tried not to look at her. He was one to talk, calling HER pretty. He tried to cut the awkwardness by pouring her a cup of tea from one of the many teapots besides them.

"Here, try this one. Its 'perfect peach'."

She tasted it. Sweet, smooth, a bit fresh. He nudged her gently with his shoulder, clearly wanting her to speak about herself. She sighed, before relenting.

"Okay okay. I'm Mirabel Madrigal. My family is huge, I'm the only one without a power. What else...oh, my favorite color is blue, I like playing soccer, I sew. I sewed this myself actually."

"You? All by yourself? THIS?"

He reached over to fiddle with the ascot on her shirt, his hand just BARELY kissing the hairs on her skin. She froze up, and upon realizing what was the matter, he did the exact same, pulling away and clearing his throat.

"S-sorry. Keep going."

Why the ascot? Oh my god was he looking at her chest? If he was, should she be bothered by that? Or flattered? She couldn't tell. He wanted a distraction it seemed, plating a few little cakes and sandwiches on a plate for her.

"I REALLY like cheese?"

Something about that made him snort, and honestly she couldn't blame him. Cheese? Really? Cheese. He realized his sound was a little loud, for he cleared his throat.

"Sorry. I just. Wasn't expecting that one. Cheese. I mean, that's something we have in common at least. Even though I'm lactose intolerant."

"What's that mean?"

"Means cheese does not like me. But it doesn't stop me from eating arepas, I LOVE those. I had them from this one stand in the center of town from this lovely woman-"

"That's my mom, actually."

He had to do a double take as he stuffed a lemon square in his mouth.

"Oh I see the resemblance! Such a sweet woman. Take it you can cook like her?"

"Uh...sorta. That's more Isa's thing. I can tell a good joke though."

He washed his treats down with his tea, and she took a second to help herself to one of those little sandwiches. Bacon, celery, walnut, cream cheese, it was honestly REALLY good.

"Let's hear one then."

"Okay okay, this one really gets the kids. How much does a chimney cost?"

"No clue, how much?"

"Nothing, it's on the house."

He l looked like he wanted to groan, but he couldn't stop snickering. She couldn't blame him. It was a good one, but it was a freshly sourced dad joke, right from the mouth of Agustín.

"Terrible. I feel like I should stick you with the bill for that."

"Hey, blame my dad. He got it from his. Though, different language."

"What language?"

"French."

"Ah-donc tu parles français?"

She did a hand a motion that was a nice way of her saying she had no earthly idea. He had such a look of mischief on his face, and she was ready to punch it right out of him.

"Hey. No. I dunno what that smile is-"

"Oh no, truly, nothing. Just means you can't yell at me if I say something in French. Like, oh I don't know, Je pense que tes yeux sont beaux."

"Hey, no, that's not fair."

Great, now he was totally abusing his power.

"I'm sorry, it appears as if I don't understand you anymore. Tu as des lèvres douces."

She flicked a piece of bread at him, and he chuckled, clearly not feeling as offended as he should have.

"You wanna play that game? No problem. Tienes un buen culo. HA."

"Hey that one sounded like an insult!"

"How would you know?"

They were glaring at each other now, amusement on their faces. They were so into this idea of talking shit to each other, neither seemed to notice that their foreheads were pressed against each other's. At least, for a second. They both seemed to recognize it simultaneously, and both were so frozen, they just. Stared. His chuckle was very nervous, and feeling that slight moment of his breath against hers, oh it sent shivers up her spine.

"You know, I can't say I mind it. If insults mean I get to hang out with you, I'll take it."

"Then I GUESS you're worth insulting. Kinda."

His fingers were creeping towards hers, and she briefly glanced at his hands. His hands started fidgeting, he looked askance, though she had a feeling it was towards himself, rather than her.

"Can I say something that I hope isn't creepy?"

"Shoot."

"I...really haven't stopped thinking about you since we spoke. When I was logging that butterfly in my notes, I drew it how I found it. On you. It's...sort of my favorite page."

Oh my god he DREW her? She had to kiss him. She had to. If she didn't, she'd be SO mad at herself. Everything was perfect, it was romantic, his stupid hair was soft and he was so cute. It was perfect.

Then she felt something run over her foot.

She jumped so sharply, she accidentally headbutted him, making them both wince in pain. She immediately swore upon seeing just what it was. A rat. No, no no no. She got up quickly, holding an apologetic smile as he sat there, rubbing his forehead.

"Listen I uh- I need to use the bathroom, wait just one second!"

She dashed to the bathroom, following the rat, and kicking the stall door down. Bruno cried out in surprise, holding his hands up in defense. She yanked him out of there, and glared sharply at him. He seemed to shrink on the spot, trying to chuckle it all away.

"Hey, Mira! What uh. What are you doing here? I'm having tea, having a great time-"

"Why are you following me? How LONG have you heen following me?"

Bruno winced as he relented.

"I followed you guys from the Casita. The whole time. You guys are cute, honestly, sweet guy. But really, telling him he has a nice ass? That's a BIT much."

Oh good god her uncle heard her say this guy had a cute butt. Of course. She groaned in frustration.

"Okay next question-WHY? Is it a protective thing?"

"Yes. But not from me. It was from Pepa. She said he was nice, but she didn't want him to try something with you, since Félix said he gave off...uh...'lowkey fuckboy vibes'."

"And you couldn't tell her no?!"

Bruno held onto her shoulders, gently shaking her.

"She threatened to give me an atomic wedgie if I didn't make sure you were safe. You have not known fury until you've had that woman force your underwear over your head-"

If you thought this couldn't get worse, you were wrong. Suddenly Beckett comes in, and punches Bruno in the face, sending him to the floor. Mirabel cried out in panic, gesturing to her unconscious uncle.

"WHY WOULD YOU PUNCH MY UNCLE?!"

"I heard a grown man yelling 'force your underwear over your head' I thought he was a creep! How many relatives do you HAVE?!"

Mirabel knelt down and pulled him up, motioning for him to help.

"What matters is THIS one! Help me take him home!"

Bruno was light, but having an extra hand made the job SO much easier. She had to drag her uncle all the way up the hill, and immediately was greeted by Julieta.

"Ejole- what happened?!"

Beckett winced.

"Long story short- I punched him in the face, can we just bring him inside?"

Julieta nodded as she gestured them inside, letting them set Bruno down. Well. Could've been worse. Somehow.

--------------------

"Hey. Wake up."

He groaned a bit as he was nudged awake. He didn't know how long he had been here, just that he had fallen asleep on the sofa, with Mirabel on the other side of him. He looked up at the person who woke him up-Pepa, if he remembered correctly.

"Mmph. Where's Bruno? Is he alright?"

"He's fine. It took a minute for him to wake up to be healed, but he's fine. You should go home, Abuela isn't happy."

He opened his mouth to explain himself, only to just nod.

"Yes. So sorry about...all of this, actually. Let me make sure she gets to bed, then I'll be on my way. Could you tell Bruno I meant no harm?"

"Oh he forgives you. That's the first thing he said once he was awake. We all understand it was a mistake, mijo, she explained everything."

"Thank you, very much."

He waited until she left, before he gently nudged Mirabel awake. She groaned, before slowly opening her eyes. She sat up, shaking the tiredness out of her hair.

"Ejole...what time is it? Where's Bruno?"

"He's fine, in bed and all better. Not to mention a sweet bloke, clearing it all up for us. Though, Alma definitely isn't too happy. But uh, can I take you to your room?"

She nodded, and he carefully helped her up the stairs. Poor girl looked tired, he felt just AWFUL. She yawned as she started to open her door, and he was about to leave without another word, when she grabbed onto his sleeve.

"Hey. Don't feel bad. From your point of view, it was kinda sweet. Plus how would you know my uncle is like, a professional...sneaky guy. Sure there's a word, I'm tired."

"I know, and I'm just, terribly sorry I ruined our date."

"Ruined it? You kidding, this was fun. Definitely gonna be a story to tell."

She chuckled, and he really, REALLY thought she looked her prettiest when she smiled like that, even if she was tired.

"So long as you're not upset. Glad I had a shot at least-"

"What? You think I'm not gonna take you out next time? Nice try, loser."

Wait. Wait. Did he just get another date? He tried not to sound too elated, less he give the exhausted girl a headache.

"I...we get to go out again?"

"Duh, you're fun. And you didn't immediately leave when you met this side of the family. You're a keeper. You and your stupid cute culo."

"You HAVE to tell me what that means at some point."

"Never. Night, bug boy."

He went stiff as a statue as she held onto him, and got onto her tippy toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. And she disappeared into her room, leaving him just awestruck. He leaned against the wall, hand against his cheek, feeling the ever so slight mark of her lipstick. Oh. Oh she was warm. She was sweet. He liked her. He really, really liked her. He forced himself to move, knowing his dad must be worried sick. He almost made it out the door, when a girl past by him. Hair taller than the sky, and eyes bigger than a fly's.

"Culo means butt, by the way."

He walked out of the Casita, and made it home. He made it to his bed, just before realizing. Culo means butt. She thinks he had a nice butt. He grabbed onto his pillow, and SCREAMED, legs kicking furiously.

He was absolutely bitten by the love bug.

#not transformers #encanto #asks #dont worry Abuela forgave him eventually #and the dresses referenced #are actually from her old concept art!#i love ALL her outfits so much #also rip Bruno for being chill about this

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tastyykpop · 4 years

Text

𝑆𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛-Final

Pairings: jaemin x reader

Genre: smut, fluff (mostly at the end but it's short 🤠)

Warnings: dom!jaemin, brat!reader, brat taming, punishment, overstimulation, edging, face slapping (literally slaps her once), choking (wOw iM sO sHocKeD), hair grabbing, degradation, jaemins gets angrier throughout the story, fingering, finger sucking, praising, unprotected sex, soft sex, y/ns pretty dumb but I think we knew that by now, once again jaemin calls himself nana because shut up

Tag list: @ahgastayzen @allykookiez @wooyugta @dreamlesswonder86 @taetaeismy @nanaysa @patchi-chi @simplicitysbabe @sweetjaemss @huangvibez @kaitherring @xxjaemchenct

It was obvious how tense and awkward jaemin was the entire time you stayed at his house, which lasted longer than you thought. You stayed for two days, per jaemins request, and you thought what if he's finally angry and decides to break. No, it was the complete and utter opposite. Jaemin was sweet, something you've barely seen when he used to bully or make fun of you before all this happened. He made sure you were okay staying with him another night and took care of you when you weren't hungover.

Did anything special happen though? Nope, just you and jaemin cuddling every so often while binge watching Netflix shows while he sometimes cracked jokes here and there.

It was definitely a sight to see. Even made you wonder if this is what its like to date him.

"Nana," you spoke, jaemin lifting his head off your shoulders to give you his attention, "Get up, we need to go to school."

Jaemin groaned, putting his head down on your pillow like chest and began, "Can't we just skip school?" He whined, "Maybe play a bit too?" Jaemin lifted his chin up, placing it on top of your breasts as he pouted, waiting for you to give into his cuteness.

Wouldn't that be nice- but you weren't going to miss school to mess around with jaemin. No way. You weren't even his girlfriend yet and you were sure his little play thing, seulgi, wouldn't be too happy, shes been calling him since he brought you here.

"No." You grabbed him by his hair and peeled him off your body. Jaemin wasn't very amused by the action.

"Oh i get it." He mumbled, "You want to see jeno, right?"

The question caught you off guard. But jaemin being jealous wasn't unknown to you anymore. He was possessive, that much you knew, and he always found a way to guilt trip you about it.

"I mean, we have been talking a lot more so a lil bit." You smiled, earning an eye roll from jaemin as he got up with nothing else to say and stalked his closet for something to wear. You glanced at your clothes which were actually his. And since you never went back to your apartment to get another outfit, you had to wear what you wore at the party.

Eyes stared into your bare back after you threw off the shirt that covered your body. They lingered, but didn't settle on staying until you slipped the bralette on.

Jaemin was going to comment about it, yet kept his mouth shut because there was no use saying he could give you a t-shirt instead, youd just complain about how it didn't match.

But the skirt was a different story. It was a party skirt, something way too short for school. No wonder jeno liked it. And to be honest, jaemin didn't hate it himself, he'd just rather not have people like jeno staring at you and your thighs. You were his. At least in his head you were.

"Fuck!" You screamed, "My bags at home." Softening your voice, jaemin just about wanted to smack you for scaring the shit out of him. He actually thanked the heavens your bag wasn't here, it gave you a reason to change.

"Let's go to your place quickly before school starts." Jaemin grabbed his things and you nodded, following behind him almost speed walking because of how long his strides were. "And change when we get there too."

You looked down at your fit and hummed, stepping into the car ready for jaemin to go.

"I don't think I can handle trig anymore." You bit your lip at the paper in hand. Jaemin looked down over your shoulder and almost scoffed. It was the homework due today, of course it was also one of the hardest pages the professor had given the class too, making it ten times harder for you to finish.

"If you had come over these past few nights, you wouldn't be so stressed." Jaemin shrugged.

It was like you knew he would say that with the way you rolled your eyes and crumpled the paper up, "Im actually thinking of dropping that class." You stated.

"Dont." He rested a hand on your shoulder, "Come over later and I'll help you." It wasn't even a question, in fact it was him telling you to do something. Its clear jaemins had enough of you ignoring him and hes also fed up with your complaining. Even wondered why you held out this long.

"But-"

"I'm not taking no for an answer anymore." Jaemin stated sternly as he sighed, stopping in front of your classroom and put his hands in his pocket. "Stop trying to ignore me," he leaned forward, just inches away from your face, "its not working."

"Just because you think its not working doesn't mean its not working...." You tilted your head to the side questioning your own words, "Anyway, you're jealous." Crossing your arms and leaning against the wall, your ego fed off of jaemins glaring eyes.

"Bullshit," jaemin tsked, "why would I be jealous?"

You smirked despite knowing you were playing a dangerous game with him. And jaemins good at playing games, he's done it to you for years.

You took a step forward, ultimately getting closer to his still leaned over figure and said, "You kept staring at jeno and I at the cafe and you had an attitude the entire time. Its obvious you know." Slithering a hand up his cheek, you pinched his smooth skin, "Nanas jealous."

It was an understatement to say jaemin didn't feel shivers go up his spine from your low voice. For once jaemin didn't have anything to come up with. Nothing crossed his mind to tell you that what you saw of him wasn't him being jealous, but that would be the dumbest of lies.

"Quiet for once? That's a first." You snickered at the small shade of red on his cheeks. It was either anger or him actually getting flustered. Either way you still claimed victory for keeping him surprisingly quiet.

Jaemin pulled your hand away from his face and opened his mouth, "Admit that you're purposely doing it then. There's no way you and jeno are magically good friends now. You hate him just as much as you hated me."

"Im not purposely making you jealous," you lied, "And I never hated jeno, just strongly disliked him for being friends with you."

The older almost laughed in your face from how stupid your lie was. "If you want my attention, say it." He smirked, proceeding to push you against the wall behind you without a second thought making you uncross your arms, "Its not hard y/n."

His hands trailed down to your waist, intensly watching your face as you looked around him, afraid that what he'd do will go too far and some students will see a not so innocent sight.

"Youre full of yourself." You inhaled sharply as he leaned forward ever so closely, just barely brushing his lips over yours.

"And you'll be full of nana soon." Jaemin almost closed the space between you with his lips, but someone stopped him.

"Jaemin!!!" Seulgi came running up to jaemin in her cute high heeled shoes. Her hair bouncing perfectly against her back as she pulled him away from you and into a hug, not before she planted a kiss to his lips as if you weren't standing right there, "I haven't seen you in so long, babe. You didn't call." She pouted with more puppy eyes than normal.

You missed the way jaemin growled at her, almost throwing seulgi off him since you were so focused on them kissing. Never did you think you'd witness it either. Something about it made your stomach churn and you couldnt bare stand there for long before walking away, taking zero notice of the way jaemin called out for you.

"Let's get some coffee before the bell rings." Seulgi pulled jaemin, but his eyes still lingered on the door you entered.

You couldnt stop your mind from racing in class. It was like your mind was playing games on you, telling you that jaemin wasn't in the slightest interested in you and thats why he never answered you, because he was too embarrassed to be seen with someone like you.

But that was only you overthinking.

Obviously jaemin cared for you, he wouldnt have let you stay over his house, tutored you, or be possessive when it came to you. So why did he kiss her back? In front of you too? Was he actually dating her for real?

These questions ran through your head, giving you a mini headache from thinking too hard about it.

It was like you were in high school all over again where everything was dramatic for no reason, well in some aspects you made it this way, but your point still stands.

"Y/n," someone tapped the table repeatedly, bringing you back to reality, "Class is over." jeno looked at you with suspicion but brushed it off thinking you were probably tired.

You glanced around the empty room before looking back at jeno, "Oh...yeah."

"Well uh," he scratched the back of his head, "You should probably get to your next class."

That's the last thing you wanted to do. Jaemin would be there and so was one of seulgis minions that always kept an eye out for anything he did. As annoying as it was, you weren't surprised anymore.

"Im gonna skip."

Jeno grimaced as you stood up and grabbed your things, walking towards the rooms exit as he followed close behind, "You? Skip? What the fuck??"

You stopped in your tracks, jeno almost bumbing into you in the process, "Do I need to spell it out for you or something? S-k-"

"No shut up. Its just shocking that your skipping." Jeno half grinned at the way you stared at him stoically.

"What are you getting at?"

The man before you chuckled, "Im saying youre a goody two shoes and you've never done a bad thing in your life."

You can't say he was wrong, but you also have to admit that you have stepped out of your shell recently and maybe for the better.

"Everyone changes some time in their lives." You pointed out, strolling out of the class to nowhere specific. "Better run to class jeno, dont want the teacher calling you put again."

"Yeah yeah." He eye smiled, giving you a quick pat on the back before saying bye and walking to his class.

You couldnt help but smile at him as he moved further and further away. You had to admit, jeno wasn't as bad as you thought. Not anymore anyway. But as jeno soon disappeared around a corner, you sighed and sauntered to the library where you were going to do your work until class ended.

Students were scattered everywhere in the library, some typing away at their laptops or school computers while others had papers and books sprawled out in front of them. Unfortunately for you, you were going to be the ones with almost any school supply in front of them. And with a sigh and slouched shoulders, you sat at an empty desk near the front of the library, taking your homework out as well as some books.

Normally it wouldn't be a problem for you to focus, but it was stressful with so many things laid out for you. Face palming and groaning quietly at your trig paper, you attempted the first problem which honestly didn't seem too bad, but you weren't always so sure of yourself when doing these kinds of things. Mostly because you second guessed yourself making you pick the wrong answer when you were originally right.

"This is so fucking stupid." You threw your head into your hands, giving up on trying since it was useless anyway. You needed jaemin. He was the only reason you started getting some good grades on your work.

"Whats stupid?"

Speak of the devil.

"The trig home- wait why aren't you in class?" You gazed at him before averting your eyes, not trying to let them linger too long.

Jaemin pulled a chair out and sat closely beside you, raising a brow as you inched away from him. "I could ask you the same thing." He tipped the chair back a little, keeping his eyes locked on the side of your stoic face.

"Im doing something if you can't tell." You snapped, instantly regretting the way your voice raised once you noticed jaemin clenching his jaw out the corner of your eye. But you couldnt help it, you were still frustrated, embarrassed, and jealous from earlier.

"Whats wrong?" Jaemin calmed himself, not wanting to blow up at you.

"Nothing." You ignored his eyes that watched you do out the problem. Probably silently telling you that it was all wrong but you weren't trying to pay attention to him.

"Youre doing it again."

"Doing what? I'm just trying to do my work." After writing your answer down, you checked over tbe work before you smiled to yourself. This had to be the right answer.

"Stop playing dumb." he grabbed your chin, "You know what you're doing."

Wiggling out of his grasp was no use, jaemin managed to move his hand to your jaw to keep you still.

You winced at the sudden squeeze, "I dont know what you're talking about."

Jaemin had enough of this bullshit, now grabbing your neck instead. Your eyes wondered the room hoping no one was paying attention, "Im not playing games with you. Why are you ignoring me again?"

"That's a good question." You looked away and though jaemims grip was starting to hurt more each second, you still found a way to show your disinterest.

Jaemin sighed, letting his hand drop and you inhaled deeply without a second thought. "Whats wrong then?"

"I told you its nothing."

"Bullshit." Jaemin took the pencil out of your hand just as you were about to write, your hand flying up to try and take it back but he pulled away.

"You really wanna know then?" You asked sharply to which jaemin nodded, "You kissed seulgi. Happy now?"

Jaemins mouth fell at your confession. Yes he figured that upset you a bit, but he never thought it was enough for you to ignore him.

"I never even went that far with jeno."

"Never went that far, huh?" He snapped back, shaking his head in disbelief as his face once again was steaming with anger. "Need i remind you how you made out with him at the party. Or were you that wasted and cant remember?"

The new found anger overlapped the previous one with more than just anger, but annoyance. There was no way jaemin was telling the truth, you would never kiss jeno.

"No i didnt."

"Dont tell me you didn't, I fucking saw it." His hand found its way on the table creating a loud bam that startled not only you, but a few kids that even lifted their heads to see what caused the noise. "You were the first one to go that far, so blame yourself before you blame me."

Taking a deep breath, you had to calm down before you said something you'd regret. Knowing jaemin too, you already had something waiting for you at his house.

"I believe you." Jaemin was ready to open his mouth but you were quick and responded, "because i remember." The problem with this answer was because it was untruthful. You already dug yourself a whole from the beginning yet you knew what you were getting yourself into. There was something about playing with jaemins anger that made you go wild.

Determined with your lie, you kept the straightest face like it was proof you recalled that night. Jaemin too was focused only on your face, his hand balling into a fist ever so slowly.

"I remember....he was a really good kisser," you whispered, "And you looked so mad." Snickering away at your words, you placed a hand on jaemins lap and watched his expression go from anger to almost frothing at the mouth.

Bingo. He was too far gone to see through you at this point and this is where you smirked to yourself.

"You're unbelievable." He scoffed, rolling his eyes thinking about how fed up he was, "Lets go."

Despite being told what to do, you sat looking between jaemin and your sprawled out homework. "I have things to do."

Jaemin literally shoved all your papers into your bag, not caring how they crumpled in the small space as you complained and swatted at his arm. Of course though, jaemin payed no mind to it, grabbing your hand and bag before dragging you out of the library.

You fought and struggled to get out of his grip. From the start you knew what you were getting into, that's why you did what you did. Now being dragged to his house it dawned on you that it was time to suffer whatever he had in mind.

"When we get to my house," jaemin locked his eyes with yours as he led you to his car, "We'll study trig, and depending on my mood and your attitude after, I might go easy with the punishment later."

"Im not going over to study and then be punished afterwards." Your voice faltered as you saw a familiar someone walking towards you and jaemin.

Jenos eyes lit up sadistically, smiling at you, telling you to smile back for one reason: to set jaemin off.

You did without hesitation, jaemins hold getting tighter and tighter as he glared at his best friend who walked by, holding the proudest grin on his face.

Once at the car, jaemin shoved you inside the passenger seat, slamming the door before he situated himself in the drivers side. Your eyes watched in annoyance yet you were intrigued. Maybe because you haven't had any action with jaemin since about a week ago.

Resting your head against the headrest, you stared outside the window. There wasn't any way you could hold another conversation with the man, it would only drive your hormones insane.

Its been thirty minutes and to say you were paying attention would be the stupidest thing ever. every word that jaemin said went in one ear and out the other. Some part of you was purposely choosing to ignore him, but your attention span was almost non existent in the first place. So listening to jaemin talk about trigonometry was only boring you.

You tapped out, playing with your pencil or doodling on the paper. Each time you weren't paying attention, jaemin would ask you to write down the answer or a land a slap right on your thigh. It stung and made up jump with shock in your eyes as jaemin told you the same thing each time: "pay attention." But did you? God no. It was impossible. With the thought of a punishment too, it made your mind run like it was in a marathon.

"Little girl," jaemins voice once again brought you back to reality, "what did nana just say?" You shrugged your shoulders slightly, keeping your head down like you were shy yet you were far from it, holding a small grin on your innocent face.

"I dont know, nor do I care." You finally looked up. Jaemin was none too happy, letting his chest fall.

Shaking his head, he said once more to listen and pay attention.

Jaemin took your pencil so he could write out the problem for you, deciding to be nice even though you weren't returning it. You watched the way his pretty hands flexed with every number or letter he wrote. The subtle veins showing every so often too made you almost drool at the sight. Oh what you would do to have him wrap his hands around your neck again.

"Solve it." Jaemin threw the pencil down in front of you, resting his head in his hand to watch you. But you didn't move, not even a simple budge.

"No."

"Y/n its not that fucking hard, just solve it."

You glanced at the paper then the pencil that laid on the table before grabbing it and snapping it in half.

"Im not doing it." You faked a smile, ready for jaemin to snap just like the pencil.

"You need to pass this class, y/n. Stop messing around and pay attention."

You shot up from your seat, "I. Dont. Care. I'm going home."

It wasn't long before he suddenly stood up too, grabbing you by the hair and threw you on his bed, "Okay you wanna act up?" He hovered over you, pinning your arms down on the soft bed as he straddled your lower half. "I dont get why you continue to act like a brat when you know you're going to be punished. Unless you want it?" Jaemins face was merely inches in front of yours not until you blew into his face and smirked when he flinched and pulled away.

"Ever wonder why I act this way? Your easy to push, I can get in your head and make you get mad so I get exactly what I want." You snickered, "Not to mention its to make you suffer for not answering my question." A hand was placed on his covered chest, rubbing small circles on the fabric of the shirt.

Suddenly, jaemin laughed. Though, it wasn't a joyful one. It was more sadistic and filled with amusement, "How is it making me suffer if you're the one about to be punished?"

"Cuz i still get what I want in the end."

"My dick or my attention?"

"Both."

Jaemnn chuckled dryly, quickly sitting back and tearing your clothes off without a second thought.

You were ready to protest about your clothes until jaemin took matters in his own hands and shoved his fingers nearly down your throat to shut you up.

"Im tired of your voice." He spat, "All you talk is shit."

Whimpering around his fingers, you tried anything in your power to try and pry them out. He never moved back, sticking his fingers deeper and deeper until he heard you gag and whine the best you could. Your throat felt so tight and it was getting harder to breathe. Jaemin didn't care, deciding to just fuck your mouth with his fingers as he started pulling your pants and panties down, lifting his hips up so he can take them off all the way.

"It would be so much nicer if you weren't a brat you know." Jaemin began, easily shoving two fingers inside your dripping cunt, "Nana could've stuffed you full of his cock, made love to you, and made you happy. Instead," his fingers that were buried in your heat, curled and pushed in a certain way that made your eyes roll, "You wanted to be a little bitch."

You drew out a long hum, the pleasure felt so good after pushing jaemin for so long. All his anger was going to this one punishment and you should've felt scared, but you weren't. You were excited and loved every bit of it.

The way he fingered you was almost too surreal. It made your body crumple against his will and he wasn't even fucking you yet.

It was getting harder to breathe being filled by his two fingers. Just barely becoming too overwhelming so you tapped his hand to signal you needed to breathe. Jaemin took his hand out, watching your face to make sure you were okay as you gasped for air.

"Are y-you try-trying to kill me or s-something?" You moaned at one particular hard thrust that made your breath hitch.

"Oh shut up, I know you liked it. Probably imagined my cock down your throat." He bit his lip, taking in the thought of what you would look like on your knees for him before shaking it off.

"I-i was n-not."

Jaemin smirked devishly, scissoring his fingers to stretch you out more, but you kept clenching around him. Your hand grabbed his wrists in a death grip, moans fell from your open mouth and jaemin ate that all up. Loving how your body shook, knowing you were so close.

Right when you felt your orgasm coming, jaemin ripped his fingers out of you, essentially letting your juices flow out. But you didn't cum, no you were just that wet.

Your hips lifted up like you would get friction but there was nothing to get friction from, you looked dumb and pathetic.

"Not fair..." you mumbled, frowning at the annoying smirk on jaemins face.

"Punishments aren't supposed to be fair," he said a matter of factly, pushing your hips back down on your bed as he grazed his fingers over your wetness before pushing back in again.

This time setting a ruthless pace, taking in your fucked out expression.

"Jaemin- please im s-so close." Fidgeting and clawing at his wrists, the orgasm built back up. It got closer, closer, closer. Right there, it was right there, but jaemin took it away from you again.

"God, I love this way more than I should. Breaking a brat is so much fun." His fingers dripped with your arousal. He stared at the strand connecting his fingers. It was so much and so lewd, it should've been embarrassing to you yet it made him want more from you. "How many times should nana edge his pretty girl? Maybe-"

"Fuck you." You cried, ready to take this into your own hands and finish yourself off.

Jaemins hand made a perfect necklace on your neck, tightening his grip on the sides so you felt all his anger, "Thats the last thing I would say if I were you."

"W-what are y-you gonna do? Spank me?" Thinking he actually would if you said that, you were slapped across the face, eyes not staring at jaemin anymore but the wall next to the bed.

"Dont test me anymore, your already in for it." He growled into your ear. Leaving his hand wrapped around your neck, he slipped back inside, this time fucking his fingers into you at an antagonizing slow pace.

You wanted to scream and push him away for being a tease, but you reminded yourself that this is what you wanted, this was what you'll get. You had no idea how long this pain will continue though. All you could think about was cumming. In fact, that was the only thing on your mind as he fingered your tight pussy. The pain of not being able to orgasm was so unbearable, it just about made your eyes tear up. Were you that desperate that you'd cry over it?

"I wanna...c-cum so bad..."

The man above you stared at you in disbelief. He basically just started and you were already a mess.

"You really want to cum that badly?" You nodded hastily, tears at the brink of falling, you couldnt hold it in anymore, "Then apologize for all the shit you put us through. Starting with you ignoring me, fake dating jeno, and purposely pissing me off for the hell of it." Jaemin said with his whole chest. Being able to say it out loud reminded him of everything. From the time you started this crap, to now.

"I-im sorry- I'm so f-fucking sorry, jaemin." You forced yourself to look into his eyes, his angry red eyes that tore into your soul to find any lie, yet you had none. You meant what you said with full honesty, "Please nana, l-let me cum."

Jaemin simply gave you a nod and thats when you let everything out. You came all over his fingers but jaemin didn't stop nor slow down. He kept the same rough pace as before and you could only scream and cry from the sensitivity.

Then jaemin started rubbing and pinching your sensitive clit before giving your cunt a slap that made you jolt and cry out.

"Ahh- w-wait jae-mmm....s-so sensitive."

Jaemin rolled his eyes, "thought you wanted to cum? I'm giving you what you want, babe."

Your legs closed around his fingers though it didn't stop him from curling and fucking them inside. He could just easily push them open yet he found your sensitivity amusing which led you to cum again without warning.

"What a pathetic little fucking brat you are." He gathered the white substance that leaked from your clentching hole and shoved it back in, "Making such a mess of yourself."

Your back arched, even more sensitive than before.

The hand on your neck moved down to your breast, squeezing at your nipples and playing with everything he could get his hand on. Your nipples were so sensitive that that alone could make you cry and moan just from a simple touch.

His fingers brushed against your sweet spot where you screamed his name. Being over sensitive made everything feel more pleasurable and painful. Every small touch on your pussy brought you to a shaking pleasure that you couldnt control. It was becoming too much and too overwhelming.

"Fuck, are you gonna cum again? It hasn't even been five minutes." He watched, eyes filled with amazement as you shook and once again, came on his sheets and fingers.

Your shaking didn't stop though, it was like the kind of shake you get when your cold, though you were far from it. The intensity of this orgasm was just too much where even jaemin had to pull his fingers out and let you breathe for a moment.

"You okay, baby?" He asked quietly, kissing your temple as you nodded your head, "Can you give nana one more then?" Not wanting to stop, you nodded without a thought causing jaemin to smile and lean back.

Jaemin finally got rid of his clothing, crawling back on the bed before giving you a kiss so you wouldn't notice how he slipped his cock inside.

Surprisingly jaemin took his time pushing in, savoring your sweet little moans that drove him crazy. He started and kept a slow pace that made the overwhelming feeling dissolve away. Now you were wrapping your legs around his waist and staring into the soft eyes of jaemins that were just red a second ago.

Every vein against your walls made you feel ecstasy. Jaemin was careful with each thrust and it felt like pure love. They were passionate and he didn't fail to show it.

"Taking nanas cock so well, just like the good girl you are." Jaemin smiled at your beautiful face that contorted into pleasure. Both of your moans filled the room. More cuss words were thrown from you like it was the only thing in your dictionary.

The lewd sounds of your bodys bounced off the walls as jaemin fucked you slow and steady, grabbing your hips gently as he kissed all over your face, neck, and breasts. He sucked on your skin here and there, creating small bruises that looked like a tattoo as you grabbed the back of his head, lifting him up by the hair to bring his face to yours so you could place a kiss to his red lips.

The kiss was sloppy and slow. Neither of you cared though, both focused on your orgasms that kept coming closer.

Jaemins thrusts stuttered and his cock twitched inside you. The hand in jaemins hair pulled and messed up his locks, sure to create a messy sight later on.

" 'm gon-gonna cum." You moaned, lifting your hips up to meet his along the way.

"Cum, princess."

The final orgasm left your body feeling like it was on a cloud while all you saw were stars making jaemin coo at your fucked out face.

Pulling out, jaemin finished on your stomach before letting his body fall next to yours, wrapping an arm around your hips and pulling you into him..

You both panted out of tiredness, neither one bothering to move as you were both spent.

"Did I hurt you, princess? Are you feeling okay?"

You smiled into his chest, "no you didn't hurt me and I feel fine."

"Good." Jaemin smiled, petting your hair before laying his head on top of yours, "Wanna go on a date?"

You swear your heart stopped as your face heated up, "Jaemin, you're doing everything backwards."

"So is that a yes or no?"

"Of course its a yes!"

It was a peaceful restaurant that jaemin brought you to, saying it was supposed to be a place a lot of couples went to which you thought was absolutely sweet of him.

"So...uh." jaemin looked anywhere but your face like he didn't just have sex with you for the second time.

You snickered and sipped the drink in your hand, "Why are you so awkward all of a sudden? Its just me."

"I know it's just- I feel like I can't say what I wanna say because I'm afraid." Jaemin sighed.

"Of what exactly?" You placed the drink down, watching as jaemin fumbled with the menu before he covered his mouth and mumbled something you coulsnt quite grasp, "What did you say?"

"...nothing."

"Jaemin."

His doe eyes stared into yours like it was some sort of contest, wanting you to look away first but you and he did, "Alright fine. I said I'm a bit nervous if I were to ask you out."

Tilting your head to the side, you puffed your cheeks out in confusion, "Why?"

"The last relationship I had, the girl cheated on me. Afterwards she said it was because i wasn't good enough." He frowned, returning his attention back to the menu where you presumed was his hiding place for the time being.

"Well she's a bitch and is missing out on an amazing person." You pushed the menu down, "Is that why you acted that way when you saw jeno and I at the cafe? Did you think I thought you weren't good enough?"

Jaemin nodded slowly, "Kind of. I didn't want to lose someone I loved again."

"Loved? Na jaemin-"

"Dont say it." He groaned.

"You've gotten soft! Does this mean what I think it means?" You quirked a suggestive brow at him causing him to put his head in his hand.

"Yes, ill be your boyfriend." He said in his hand before you took it away and grabbed his face to kiss him. "I- princess when did you become do confident?"

"When did you become so shy?"

"Fair point."

Everything felt right all of a sudden. No more of jaemin being your bully. No more coffee being poured on your head. No more stupid high school drama that wasn't even drama in the first place. It was all right for once. And you couldnt say you could complain. After weeks, you got what you struggled to have before; na jaemin.

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ofcowardiceandkings · 3 years

Note

Hi! I really like how you've put scars on Link + Zelda :) Do you have any pattern to them, or was it just random?

aah thank yoouu :'> 💙💙

well, like Many things, i put way too much thought into this

i kind of mapped them out in "layers" or the most part ?? Zelda has two layers and Link has three; Childhood/Pre-Calamity, day OF the Calamity, and for Link the course of the game. i already kind of talked about Zelda's scars so i'll try not to repeat myself but anyway

the first kind of reflects mostly incidental scars the average person would amass up to their teens anyway? accidents you have as a toddler, stupid stories you tell your friends, that kinda thing yano ... in Zel's case a lot are dumb science injury related as well but they both have just feral doofus ones. a few of these are based on ones i or my friends actually have lmfao, falling on stuff, standing on things, catching your fingers, burns, etc ... for example there's one on the side of Link's nose i got from falling on a table corner, and Zelda has one on her outside palm i got from a bread knife incident snrk

Link also has a few that would come from being a knight for a while, not many, but a few combat ones already present ... like that bonk to the head he took in the memory on Death Mountain for example

the second layer is pretty self explanatory, you dont run from the apocalypse without being bashed about [shrug] Link is clearly stated by Robbie to be covered in scars, and even before Fort Hateno he looked a bit rough. No matter how much he shielded Zelda from alla that too, you can bonk yourself without being zapped by an ancient laser tank,, debris gets sprayed, generic running-away-fast scrapes happen, she fell pretty dramatically so a mashed knee for sure, and so on ! Link looks like a mess though ... punctures from arrows and spears, a few gouges, blade swipes all over, blasts and burns from guardians, everything just all over the place

for Zelda, other than some funky time shenanigans, thats where i left it

Link's last layer is much less built up but also self explanatory lol ,, literally just what might have happened over the course of the game story itself. i would think these would mostly be restricted to big issues like the blights or the occasional narrow lynel escape, but mostly the final push through the castle to Calamity Stinkus itself ... there arent many, most injuries generally end up being temporary marks or bruises yano

i'll admit that some of them are partially just "thatd be cool" as well but the Aesthetic is always part of the equation lmfao

a few are more like, grounded though as opposed to the more haphazard stuff. interestingly, being an archaeologist type ran me into some reverse-survivors bias a bit because if you can SEE that kind of trauma on bones then it was probabaly the cause of death rather than something someone in a medieval style battle would have just coped with in life lmao, there ARE records of survived injuries though and like i said reverse engineering and magic thinking helps :L

other ones are based on more specifc phenomena, the one that comes to mind is the one on Link's left cheek that corresponds to where you'd find a duelling scar that was more common among people who practiced sword duels or fencing until very recently in history actually [shrug]

RIP for the long reply iM SO SORRY bdskdjdj

so tldr , NO it was not random !! i used a fun combo of personal stories and historical reference with the lore to help but there IS a reason to them :'>

💙💙💙💙💙

#im SO SORRY this got way out of hand but i think about things a LOT ;3; i hope yall find this interesting skdjskdbdj #i could talk a lot but i just dont fhskjfkdj the comic will have to have a commentary under a cut because HOO BOY LADS #breath of the wild #legend of zelda #asks #anon #rory's ramblings #long post ??#zelda blogging #botw/totk blogging

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honesthammie · 3 years

Text

Te amo

I am working on a few of the other prompts and a part 2 to prompt 4 the soulmate au I just recently got another puppy and I still have uni work to do so I'm a bit behind schedule with these and I'm so sorry. Hopefully this little kinda songfic makes up for it.

13th doctor x female reader

Warnings: swearing as usual, fluffy, sad thoughts, twist the original songs meaning, long as fuck.

Probably terrible as its my first songfic

I don't know much Spanish so some of the examples later on are Google translated and I know it can be wrong so I do apologise for any mistranslations

This is based off Rhiannas song Te Amo but I'm switching it up a little. I dont why 13th doctor came into my head when I was listening to it but it gave me this lil oneshot idea so enjoy! The picture is not mine but the rainbow effect added is done by me! Same for the picture later on.

I've been travelling with this amazing alien for a whole year now. The adventures are always amazing if she's there! The others sometimes complain and say its boring, especially on a junk planet but to see her face light up with excitement makes my day and it well worth the dirt we cover ourselves on by the time we are done. And when she finds something that she thought was useful and it turns out, it's not her scrunch is amazing.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm in love with this alien. I know, weird, a human and an alien together? But I can't help it! I'm completely besotted with her. If she even looks in my direction, my legs go to jelly and I get butterflies. I know, cheesy. But thats exactly how I feel around her. I barely want to touch her because I nearly fainted the last few times. And I fear she may pick up on how I'm distancing myself from her. I don't want to break her heart and leave, the thought of her look kills me as is so I'm trying to get her to kick me off.

It doesn't seem to be working though. I've been distancing myself since I found out about how I feel, which is now 6 months ago and she's trying to get me to be as close as I was with her.

I'll tell her. On one of our amazing adventures but I can't do it straight forward, it's making me sick with anxiety just thinking about it. I'll fancy it up, make her work it out. Whenever we are next to each other and the moment is right, I'll tell her in another language!

I finally get out of bed after I finished writing in my diary. I slip some comfy clothes on and head out to the TARDIS library and hope no one is there, especially her. I'll be distracted and right now, I need to concentrate. I wonder the warm halls, grateful that the TARDIS had considered my preferences. I think the TARDIS likes me more than the others because I talk to her and show her gratefulness for taking us somewhere amazing and I chat to her regularly and I try to involve her in my conversations. The others find it weird, except for the Doctor, she just smiles and joins in with me. Im still learning how to translate her but I think I've sort of got it.

I reach my hand forward and grab the aged bronze doorknob and open to the giant room. There were so many floors that an elevator had to be used to access some of them as the Doctor said "walking would literally take weeks to reach some floors". Thankfully the TARDIS organises them to make them easier to find. I looked forward and saw an interactive map in front of me. My hands touched the screen and many subjects and categories came up. Anything ranging from kiddie tales to straight up smut, I have a feeling either River or Missy are to blame for that addition.

I've never met them but the TARDIS showed me videos from her database and brought books to my attention about them. They both seem very dirty minded people so I'm not surprised those are there. I wonder if the Doctor has ever stumbled upon this section or is it for none Doctor eyes only? If she does know about them, has she ever read one? No, don't go there you stupid brain! She probably doesn't know!

I quickly stop that train of thought and catch my breath. I've never thought about those kinds of things about anyone before. Stupid Timelord, making me go all weird and think dirty things. Now my face is all red, I really hope I'm alone in here. I quickly focus back to the task at hand, finding a new language to learn. The TARDIS seemed to know where to go and blue arrows appeared, guiding me to the right section in what could be a maze.

As I walking, I felt excitement rise within me. What if she felt the same way? What if she was impressed by how far I wanted to go just to say those 3 words? Would her hazel honey eyes sparkle with delight? Would she scronch her nose in amazement?

Before I knew it, I'd arrived at the language learning section and there were many alien languages but the TARDIS seemed to have a better idea of what would be perfect for me as a white hardback book fell off the 4th shelf onto the wooden floor. I picked it up and noticed how smooth the cover was and how old yet unused it looked. The white was a little off, almost a dull cream from ageing which made the gold writing harder to read. The title was simple:

Spanish basics and need to knows.

I did always find Spanish in school fun to learn, more than French or German anyway and I don't wanna stereotype this into a typical French is the language of romance. I never really found it romantic sounding compared to Spanish.

I picked up the book and quickly flicked through to the right page and took a note on my phone as to what the translation was and put the worn book away. I quietly thanked the TARDIS and rushed out of the library and back into my room where I could practice without getting caught.

A few weeks have passed since I picked up the new words and practiced them until I was confident and had the TARDIS' approval that I was saying it right. Today the Doctor wanted to take us to this party in the 18th century and we all decided to dress for the part once we landed.

Yaz was wearing a beautiful black and red ballroom gown, accented with little bows around the bottom and lace cuffs. She had her black hair curled into a ponytail. It was simple and cute, much like her style normally. Graham and Ryan wore similar suits but Graham wore green accents and Ryan wore yellow accents.

I let the TARDIS pick my dress. She picked a black and dark blue ballroom gown with blue roses on the bottom. It had black lace underneath and blue lace as the cuffs. The gown also seemed to glitter slightly in the light making me sparkle very subtly. I put my comfy boots on as you couldn't see my shoes as I walked anyway so why did it matter? With all the running we do, I'm not risking my ankles with heels, thank you very much. I had my (h/c) hair in (fave style). It suited my dress perfectly.

I nearly choked on oxygen when I saw how hot the Doctor looked in her suit. It took me a few moments to realise we match. We both blushed at the realisation. Of course the TARDIS makes us match! No wonder why she was more than eager to help me pick an outfit! Stupid sentient ship, shipping us already!

I quickly cleared my throat and complimented everyone on how amazing they looked but I just couldn't take my eyes off the Doctor for long. She was like a magnet for my eyes. Someone help before she realises!

"Don't we all look brilliant? Perfect for the party! 18th century Yorkshire to be exact! What a great century for you guys. Now then, this party is for Nobles and higher, as per usual in these times. Ryan, I suggest you keep in mind about any racist comments that may come out. But as long as you say your Graham's personal butler, you should be welcomed with little resistance. And Yaz, I want you to be (y/n)'s personal maid. That does mean you'll have to follow your so called "masters" around and do anything they ask unfortunately and Graham, (y/n), please act like the others around you and use them. Unfortunately this is the only way all 5 of us can join the party. You'll be fine as long as you bite your tongues. Now the Noble Edward Collins is the host so be sure to thank him for inviting you, even though you technically weren't. And try not to get too drunk, I know what you humans are like! Now follow me." The Doctor explained. I was going to tell the Doctor today, but I guess, I'll have to wait.

The Doctor opened the doors and we were in a cupboard under some gorgeous marble stairs. As we walked towards the party I noticed some family portraits along the walls. They were a very beautiful looking family. The mother had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The father was buff, long brown hair and daring brown eyes. There were two children, a girl and a boy. The girl had long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, whilst the son had blonde hair and brown eyes. They also had a brown greyhound dog laying by the sons feet. The son must be the host, Edward. He looked not much older than 10 in the last painting but the daughter was no where to be found in the portrait and theu all looked mournful. Is she dead and is that the picture capturing the moment of grief? Why would anyone want that? It's so strange, even for this time period.

The Doctor held me and Yaz close, stopping us in our tracks. My heart was racing at the simple touch. But as soon as the touch was there, it was gone. "I hope its okay with you (y/n) but you're going to have to be married to someone."

My heart stopped for a moment and I nearly choked on air. "What? Why?"

"Because women like yourself would have been married as young as 13 or 14. Now your only choices are me and Graham. You can't choose Ryan as he's supposed to be a butler and you can't choose Yaz as she's your maid. The choice is yours, I just need to know wether or not I should refer to you as my darling wife or not?"

What. The. Fuck.

Why did her even calling me that l, turn me on? Obviously, I'm going to choose her but I'm going to have to perfect my reasoning here.

"As much as I love Graham, it's going to be awkward if I have to kiss him or anything because he's like my grandad! I guess you'll do Timelord. Come on then husband, we don't want to be late to the dancefloor!" I spoke clearly hoping she didn't notice how excited I actually was to have even a hint of a relationship with her. It may be fake but ill take anything when it comes to her.

We arrived at the welcome committee and handed our cards over, aka the psychic paper. We were going as Mr and Mrs (last name). The Doctor was holding my hand this entire time and it's driving me insane. I don't know if she can feel my racing pulse under her fingers but if she can I hope she puts it down to excitement! We walked down the most grandest staircase you would ever lay your eyes on.

First we walked around, greeting everyone as they came up to us or if she dragged me to someone she knew, but not personally. She was cute when she was fangirling over these people. Yaz found it annoying as she just wanted to party but I couldn't help it. The way her eyes shimmer with recognition was more beautiful than any galaxy she could ever take us. Sometimes her eyes flickered with admiration and it did make me have jealousy for just a moment before I remembered, I'm staying with her and they aren't .

As the party moved on we met the host Edward. He looked a lot different than in his paintings. He was around 20 years old now and his blonde hair was below his shoulders. He looked a lot like his father with his muscley build. And he was very charismatic which I did not like as he poured all his charm into the Doctor. Does everyone here know that he's gay or does he see through the Doctors disguise? Either way, it was rubbing me the wrong way. I quickly excused myself with Yaz and walked into the bathroom.

"I did not like him. I do not like this Edward guy. Something about him rubs me completely wrong. He's handsome but something is telling me he knows the Doctor isn't a man."

"I felt the same way. He knows something we don't. Before we go out there again, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yaz asked. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She knows. The jig is up with Yaz. "How do you feel about her, honestly? One minute you 2 are inseparable, then you distance yourself and now you are a nervous wreck around her! I won't judge but I just want to make sure my theory is correct."

Shit. I guess I really was obvious. Does she know?

"If your theory is about me falling hopelessly in love with the Doctor then you'd be correct. I can't help it. I'm going to tell her how I feel without being completely stupid. I just need a right moment to say it." I spoke with a heavy sigh. Hopefully, Yaz can help create that moment thay I need. She nods her head and opens the door. We walk back to the Doctor and notice Edward has gone to other guests and she was talking to Graham. I looked around and saw Ryan flirting with a pretty lady near the food table. Why am I not surprised?

A few hours had passed and the Doctor seemed bored with standing and talking so I made a plan in my head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor as the next song came on. I didn't quite know how to dance properly but I knew the basics if it. She has to lead and I simply follow suit. It took a few moments but I got the hang of it with the Doctors help. Soon we were dancing so gracefully underneath the most beautiful candelabra that lit up her face perfectly.

Her hair swayed to our perfect dance ever so gently. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her lips were in a permanent smile. She even laughed a couple of times. Then as the music slowed down to a pace that was perfect, I grabbed her waist and looked her. My heart was going crazy and my legs were about to buckle but I had rehearsed my lines. I can do this.

"Hey Doc. Its been an amazing time with you but I can't continue this without being honest with you. But everytime I get close, I back down in fear. So I'm going to let you figure it out. Doctora te amo. Entiendo que si no sientes lo mismo y me iré si quieres. (Doctor i love you. i understand if you don't feel the same way and i'll leave if you want.)" I spoke with as much passion and intention as I could. I looked into her eyes and saw her confused and trying to work out what I said. I would find it cute if my heart was beating right out of my chest. "Well, I've had a great time but I'm fucking knackered. I'm calling it night. I'll be heading to the TARDIS if you need me."

"I'll come with ya. I'm knackered as well and we both need each other to undo the corsets and mine is starting to hurt a little bit. How we used to do this for a full day, everyday, is beyond my understanding. As beautiful as we look, I don't think its worth the pain this will bring in the morning." Yaz spoke with a slight mumble as proof of her mental state and finishing with a yawn. I chuckled at her state and walked back to the TARDIS with a small amount of chat along the way.

She is right though. These corsets really do hurt you after a while, I'm glad I chose not to wear heels or else I'll be fucked for in the morning. I would literally scream. I think the Doctor had the right idea in wearing a suit, no pain. I do feel bad for leaving her but I just need some space after basically admitting everything that's been built up within me for too damn long. Maybe I should tell Yaz how it went and maybe she can help determine if the Doctor is happy or not.

We walked back into the wardrobe room and I helped Yaz out of her corset. She immediately sighed in relief. She finished getting herself into comfy clothes and started to untie my ribbon.

"So did you tell her?"

"Sort of. I basically told her everything but in Spanish. I just hope it doesn't change anything, except in a positive way, of course! If she wants me gone, I've told her that it's fine and I understand. She's very socially awkward and as cute as I find it, it may not help me in this situation. Do you have any clues on how she may react once she figures it out?"

Yaz stopped untying my corset for a moment and placed 1 finger upon her chin in thought. Her eyes were almost shut and seemed almost completely black in the light. After what seemed like forever, she took her finger off her chin and beamed a toothy smile. Her eyes sparkled as she remembered something and seemed to gleam slightly menacingly. A smirk replaced her smile soon after.

"There's a few times she's shown affection towards you. And I mean romantic affection. She always chooses to hold your hand over anyone else's if given the choice. She always steps I'm front of you when an enemy threatens to kill us all or hurt us in anyway. When you go wandering around on your own, she's terrified thats she's lost you forever to an enemy we don't even know of!" Yaz starts explaining carefully as if she's worried on how to word it.

"Those are just friendly affec-"

"I wasn't done. I was warming up." Yaz interrupts me as I was about to go into a self deprecating speech on how I'm just a friend to everyone and never a lover. "She always looks to see your face on adventures because she secretly loves your reactions, bad or good. When the Master revealed himself, she looked straight at you for support on how she should react. When she came back from the Kasavin, she ran straight to you and made sure you were ok first before any of us. When we were in the Tsungra medical ship, the first person she asked for was you! Whilst she was unconscious on board the ship, she kept mumbling your name, over and over again. When she saw how gorgeous you looked today, I thought she'd take you right there on the spot! She fucking loves you (y/n)! You're just so unbelievably blind to it all!"

Yaz was almost red with rage. Did she really do all that, for me? The TARDIS mustve read my mind and seemed to hum positively in reply. If everything Yaz said is true then she'll be so happy about it and maybe we can be a thing! But then again, maybe losing so many in a similar position as me will turn her away. Maybe her soul is awry and she's asking why right now.

Once I had gotten changed I went to sleep almost straight away, I suppose all that dancing and social ques having tired me out more than I thought.

I woke up to a soft knock on my door. I rubbed my (e/c) eyes and told them I'd be a few minutes as I've only just woken up. It wasn't until I finished brushing my (h/c) hair that I remembered what happened yesterday. All the panic rushed within me at once and I nearly threw up. I took several deep breaths and opened the door.

"GRAHAM THANK FUCK ITS YOU!" I almost shouted at him. He looked a little bewildered for a moment before he seemed to remember what brought him here in the first place.

"Hello Love, I'm here because Doc wanted to speak with you privately in the library. She says that the TARDIS will guide you to her location. She seemed a little off after you and Yaz left. Did something happen? Is everything ok?" Graham asked cautiously. He must be so confused.

"Sort of. I'll explain more when I get back but what do you mean by "a little off"?"

"Well she seemed lost in all sense of the word. She kept muttering "Te Amo" all the time. She was all over the place aswell. She got me and Ryan back here not long after you guys. Something about not trusting Ryan to not get alcohol poisoning without her around. She hasn't really left the library since if I'm honest. She's been in there for 12 hours. I only know she wants you because she whattsapped me on my phone. Whatever is going on, please sort it out, she's starting to really worry me. She hasn't been the same since that Master guy came around." Graham spoke clearly, albeit confused. I nodded my head and walked in the opposite direction to him and hoped the TARDIS would take me there quicker than normal. I want to treat this like a plaster, rip it off in one go.

Sooner than I realised, I grabbed the all too familiar door knob of the library. I took a deep breath and walked in. A blue line appeared towards the interactive map. I awakened the console and I saw a black screen with a few words on it. It looked like a message with how it was presented.

Hello (y/n)! Don't walk until you calm. Breath deeply and try not to panic. I promise you, all will work out in the end. I see more than you realise and I know my thief better than anyone whoever stepped foot into my being. I know of her main problem about the situation. If she loves you, drink this. It won't hurt, she'll know what it is.

The TARDIS

I should have been surprised by this new knowledge that she could speak to me, in a way, but I've seen so much and I am so tender hooks so I didn't take much notice of it. I quickly sat down and tried to control my breathing. After about 5 or so minutes, I felt calm enough to finally meet up with her and hear what she has to say.

I followed the blue line carefully until I spotted her in a comfy room. She mustve gotten changed at some point as she was wearing her usual rainbow outfit, minus the jacket. She was sat on a deep purple sofa, legs curled into her body. Her shoes were on the carpeted floor underneath her, seemingly forgotten for the moment. There were many books surrounding us from many cultures and spieces. One wall had a cozy wood burning fireplace crackling within the silence that surrounded us.

Her face was scrunched within deep thought. Her eyes sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on; hope, sorrow or excitement? Her lips had a small smirk gracing them and her teeth had bitten a small part of it. Her hands were holding a book in a way where I couldn't quite see what it was.

I didn't want to disturb her as she looked so ethereal with the warm glow of the fire highlighting her in the perfect way. Unfortunately, it's plaster time and I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later. I took a deep breath took in the picture for memory.

"Hey, Graham said you wanted to talk to me? Is everything ok?" I asked gently and as softly as I could so she was carefully brought out of her little world. I didn't want to scare her. She raised her eyes from her book for a moment and bookmarked the page she was at with a little TARDIS paperclip. She placed the book on the table at the side of her and patted the seat next to her.

As I sat down my nerves were through the roof. She gave nothing away as she stared at me for a minute, as if assessing something about me.

"Why are you so nervous? Calm down. You are right, It is to do with last night. You left pretty abruptly after basically confessing your feelings to me. I was so confused, not just about what you said but about myself and what I wanted to do about you." The Doctor spoke monotonously. Did she mean get rid of me? "I had to first of all, find out what you said, well done on learning a new language by the way, one even I'm not fluent at. I'm guessing the old girl had something to do with that idea. Not that, you aren't smart enough but you don't know what languages I do or don't know."

The Tardis seemed to chuckled at the accusation and I simply nodded my head. "I wanted to buy myself time and to impress you."

"You impressed me a long time ago Miss (l/n). That is just a cherry on top. After I figured out what you said, no thanks to my old friend here, I went through a lot of thinking. I've not been in many relationships and you know my history regarding the ones I have been in. You know, River and Missy? And I have such a bad past with it ending in nothing but tears for me. I always lose those I care for deeply." She spoke with tears spilling from her gorgeous eyes. I grabbed her face gently and wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape their home.

"That was when you were a man. You're a woman now, everything is so different. Relationships can be heartbreaking. I know what you're main problem is and the TARDIS has a solution to that. I just need you to tell me the truth. How do you feel about me? Do you want me to stay or not?" I stated holding the small shot glassed amount of liquid in my hand. The liquid was golden and sparkled slightly in the light. There were specks of orange and silver within it and it was as hot as a nice cup of (hot drink). Her eyes sparkled with hope and shock. Her lips were smiling wide. And she seemed to giggle at the sight of it. She held it for a moment as if examining it like a rare artefact, maybe it was. Either way, I trust her judgement and if she's happy about it, then so am I. Once she had analysed the drink, she practically leapt into my arms and pushed me down on my back. She smelled of custard creams and the TARDIS which was odd but completely her and I couldn't imagine her smelling any other way.

"That does solve our problem! What she has just given you is the rarest liquid in the universe seeing as only one thing in the entirety of space can produce it. That drink is known as the nectar of the chosen ones. It's rare as the race that used to make them has practically gone extinct. There's only 3 left in the known universe and you're living in one. That drink is the blood of the TARDIS. It grants you immortality if you drink it. It is said to resemble your favourite beverage no matter who you are. However, it only lasts 100 years and you must drink it every century or else your body clock will kick in and you will age and be as mortal as you are now." She speaks with a warning as we sit up holding holds.

"I have no problem with that. I would sacrifice everything if it meant I got to call you mine. Just please tell me and I'll drink it." I told her with adoration in my eyes.

She held me close and planted a soft and gentle kiss to my lips. It was short but it sent more fireworks than you can imagine through my body. I knew I had found her. She grabbed my waist and whispered next to my ear:

"Te Amo"

#13th doctor #thirteenth doctor x reader #13th doctor x reader #female reader

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kazuwhora · 3 years

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i love your writing and you're doing matchups so please if i could request a romantic one cause i dont know who i like most in tokyo rev anymore? also are you okay you got hit by a car?? im guessing it wasnt bad but still.

my pronouns are she/they, im INTP 6w7.

people often tell me im really cold and carefree but i have my 2 best friends im soft for. i warm up to people in time but itll take a while before i'll really care about someone. i like to think im generally nice to people, i don't really argue with anyone ever i just push them to one sided arguments or if i want to annoy them ill smile and tell them "you're wrong but ok" and it drives my family crazy.

im not sure how to answer the values question? i really value when someone takes my feelings into consideration cause i wont say it at first or if they recognize my efforts. or is it more about morals and fairness cause im not that. i dont have em. ive broken into places for fun. ive had a girl transfer schools cause of me. ive put people up to physically fight each other. im your filler villain. yeah i feel like a horrible person and i hate myself but i never paid for any of it. maybe i do kin dark impulse mikey

lmao ok my love language is probably quality time or acts of service. i dont think id ever enjoy classic dates id rather sit in their car parked on some dark road or just. at the beach at 4am eating cold pasta (i do that with friends every weekend and the sunrise makes everything so peaceful). i dont have real hobbies but i have a cat i play with. im an animation student so i made my previous hobby a career choice so all i have now is cat, which isnt a hobby its a responsibility but i guess it works out.

irl im not looking to date at all cause i will not be opening up to anyone like that BUT this is tokyo rev boys so ill allow it for them. id want someone who reminds me im a person. it sounds so stupid but its not a hard task theyd just have to ask what's bothering me or tells me to eat something today. ok i feel super guilty about it but i want someone sweet and touchy and clingy because i know myself well enough to know ill flirt first. ill kiss first. ill initiate everything but i will definitely stop once theyre mine. i want someone to pull at my sleeve to go to bed and lay on my chest.

appearance wise i think im average. im 165cm tall, 60kg (i round the weight cause its always 58-61). brown eyes, dark blue hair regrettably its the berries and cream haircut but my hair is wavy and always looks disheveled so really its the crackhead rat look. i have around 20 tattoos (like 6 are small ones though so really its like 14) i have my ears pierced a lot (and i wear a bell!! yes cause of kazutora and yes i made it myself) and my septum pierced. i had the side of my nose pierced at 16 but i took that out a couple years ago and it grew in. my biggest appearance trait is that i always wear 2 shirts on top of each other and apparently its the first thing both my best friends noticed at first about me so i guess its valid.

god im sorry thats so long!! thank you so much in advance!!

thank you for supporting me and my writing and sending in a request!! I am ok I guess for now, it wasn't like omg I went flying but I have a nice bruise on my waist and some sore ribs! life goes on lol

let me just say that kin wise you def sound like mikey LOL

so because of that I'm matching you up with Mitsuya!

wI think in terms of kin vs matchup mitsuya is a character who is about balance and care which works well with the fact that a lot of your personality resembles mikeys. there's a reason why mitsuya is in toman lol. you mentioned wanting someone that reminds you you're a person, and really I don't think this sounds stupid at all. it's really easy for us to get lost in our day to day lives and feel detached from ourselves. mitsuya (being an infj) is someone who deeply values emotional connections and being grounded in yourself and relationships- a trait that rubs off on others really easily.

mitsuya is one who's presence brings you back to earth without much effort. he's calm, caring, and has no struggles with being emotionally vulnerable and true to himself. while you may have a cold front that you put up in terms of like you said scaring people off, mitsuya sees through it and recognizes you for you and not for how you act. he values your emotions and opinions as a part of you, and never hesitates to make that known through conversation and his listening skills. chalk it up to having two sisters lol.

the other thing I think that just works about you and mitsuya is his indulgence in your ideas. you wanna eat cold pasta on the beach at 4am? sounds like a fantastic idea and he's up for it. no complaints to be had. it can be jarring (?) at first, but once you're able to recognize that he is in fact being genuine, it quickly becomes a really valid aspect.

#matchup

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dolphin-enthusiast · 4 years

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bună seara, dragă mea 🌹🌜✨ ahh i hope i wrote that correctly,, another romanian friend of mine taught me that haha, he teaches me romanian phrases in exchange for me teaching him bits of italian ☀ ah, so much to address no? well, i'll just start off by saying i wasn't expecting my friend to expose my problems like that,, i'm not mad at all, just surprised. let me first say that i am okay as of writing this. i have eaten and hydrated and have been taking naps all day, i am stable. (1/9)

"my older brother and other siblings have been taking good care of me, and two of my friends came to sneak me out of the house for a bit and bought me food. so i am fairly calm right now (2/9)

now then, about that person, it was just some texts i woke up to that caught me off guard, my friends are apparently planning to go after this person, even though i insisted on not making this a big deal, and frankly i didn't wanna worry you all either, i feel bad when i do. (3/9)

sadly i hear a lot of horrid things directed at me on a daily basis, so this is quite ordinary and there's not much i can do about it, i cope by trying to stay positive for others and be as kind/loving as i can since i usually don't have people to treat me that way, you're quite the exception, what i thought of as a stupid question blossomed into something i could never imagine, and i was shocked to see how everyone, including you, took to me quite quickly (and not in a joking way either) (4?/9)

i'm not used to it at all, so i mean it from the bottom of my heart when i say that everything you guys say and do means the world to me, i get overwhelmed with positive emotion when you all treat me so sweetly, i truly couldn't ask for anything more. that being said, i wasn't planning to open up about my mental health on this account (since i don't wanna talk about these dark subjects when trying to brighten other's days),, (5/9)

but i guess it's warranted now so hopefully you all can understand me better and not worry as much, i suffer from multiple mental illnesses, two different depressive disorders, an anxiety disorder, and body dysmorphia, some from genetics and others from trauma. i try to keep it on the down-low to not bring down anyone's moods, so i be as cheerful as i can. i'm professionally treated for it, so please don't fret. it really went downhill during the start of this pandemic and declined since (6/9)

i was absolutely miserable, and having dealt with many s*icid*l tendencies, self hatred, and lots of destructive habits, i was truly falling apart my sister introduced me to your blog sometime in january, and even though i did not have a tumblr, i still greatly enjoyed checking it everyday with her and requesting things from time to time, it's a nice escape from the world i live in, and after months of checking your blog, i decided to interact a bit more with that silly ask of mine. (7/9)

it really is a miracle that we formed such a bond, it's truly the best thing to have happened this year, i love having such a meaningful connection and getting to experience some positivity everyday i am completely serious when i say that you and the followers give me something to look forward to everyday, and you all have helped me to stay a little longer on this planet. i owe you all so much for that, so i still plan on popping up everyday to cheer you all up,, (8/9)

i could never thank you all enough, you all truly do mean the world to me 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 i can't wait to come back tomorrow with something more lighthearted, so please keep being extraordinary, because i'd hate to lose connection with any of you - from the bottom of my heart and soul, with much love, your local waifu xoxo 💘 ps: i can't wait to hopefully meet someday morgy darling, there's lots i'd love to do, so that's another reason for me to stay alive a little longer 💞 (9/9)"

Dear this is quite alot so i'll just start by saying that im flattered u greeted me in romanian😳✌️ i dont wanna pull a ghiaccio but although dragă does exist in this context it would be more like "bună seara dragA mea" but it really doesnt matter bc my wig is snatched and i was n o t expecting this ddhxhddj

Trivial matters aside, you shouldnt feel pressured into opening up on here even though some things surfaced but you did it nonetheless and im proud of u bc i myself would rather y e e t than talk abt myself and personal issues🤡🤡🤡 but aNywAyS let me start off by saying that again, you shouldnt get used to horrid things being said to u. Its fucking tragic that u get treated like this meanwhile all u do is be kind and care for others, but them treating u like that is entirely THEIR fault and u should never feel guilty for it. And keep telling others if shit happens (including us if u want) since we're all gonna do some good ol' as whooping @ the ppl that talk shit😤👋

I wont reveal much but just so you know i completely understand what you're going through and felt what you described in ur letter on a spiritual level, although i know just saying "i relate" doesnt really help. Its unfortunate and unfair ur goin thru this and yes i agree the pandemic did only worsen things (even for myself) and its really shitty🗿🗿im glad u at least had siblings that took care of u and made sure u felt better in no time doe

As always seeing u say that me and my blog cheered u up and motivated u to go on truly is smth like...w o w i never expected any of this to have such a major impact on anyone when i first made this blog as half of a joke lmao hdhxxhdj but im glad it helped u and other ppl so that means i'll just have to keep on running it😳😳😳 you really dont have to thank us for anything since we enjoy brightening up ur day and i have to ageee it IS a miracle how all of this came to be but thats exactly why its goddamn wig snatching ahsydjdkf

Also bro to say u have another reason to stay alive just to meet me....😞😞 Take care of urself bro

#im so fucking terrible with talking abt issues and emotions skshxhxhx #but i never expected anyone to say they had a reason to live bc of me and my blog so it made me🗿#fr like i cannot comprehend fjdhdx #bruh u better hang on in there cuz we finna goin to the 40th dimension together soon😳#the confessional

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indigopurple · 5 years

Text

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

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