#im still like. i need plausible deniability. i need to let people be able to think im a lesbian if that makes them less mad

[vamptastic]

for all that i am very chill about what other people do with their romantic and sexual lives i am so utterly and completely ashamed of expressing any sort personal desire for basically no reason. i will blame it on being treated as both a potential sexual predator and a sex object growing up GNC, and also the inner freud that forms in your mind when you read the writings of transphobes too much. but it's still dumb. i wasn't even raised christian.

[velvetvexations]

"can you describe a binary trans woman in a way which isn't transphobic as hell? 🧐" yes, easily: she's any trans woman who wants to identify as a binary woman, it's as simple as that. The fact that people are pretending they weren't or don't identify as women as some kind of 'gotcha' is fucking embarrassing for them

It's truly not that complicated lmao. People are so terrified of having "boring" genders that they've completely invented a t***f*b menace terrorizing trans women for not being as kweer as them. The simple fact of the matter is that this non-binary strawman does not exist.

It honestly drives me so crazy how people will use the fact trans men are men as plausible deniability for blatant misogyny, calling trans men whiny and annoying is truly the "I'm not touching you!" Of misogyny

and then go "why are you misgendering yourself" when you call it out lol

the whole thing is blisteringly colonialist i wonder if these people view themselves as anti-racist progressives 🤨

they sure do!

It's funny, bc I've seen terfs claim that other cultures having third genders is just otherizing gay people. Its legit the exact same argument. Radfems are radfems are radfems.

as always

"trans men are always bitching and whining" is also a different sentence from "men are always bitching and whining", so, like trans men already heard that shit enough growing up do u (op, not you velvet) not maybe think there might be slightly different implications to saying that if he's trans

what even is critical thinking anymore

between tankies and radfems i straight up think we need to retire materialism. no one knows what that word means anymore

they should reread theory till they actually understand it but if the results are anything like the first time they'll just find new genocides to stan

Another anon reminded me that it was even a thing where like. if you were white and you tried to bring up roles in history considered now to be non-binary you would get told you were appropriating. like white people only get two genders??? which I swear is a thing I think I heard verbatim once (I'm pretty sure as self-loathing satire to be clear I don't think anyone was that mask off or direct)

Native Americans have a patent on extra genders

all im ever told to do is shut up about my problems. i'm transmasc, white, skinny, well off, high-functioning, able bodied, decent parents. i still suffered so much and i still suffer every day but it feels like i can never talk about it. 99% because of people like me ranting about THEIR trauma for the purpose of talking over people on the other side, who are actually oppressed for it, and it means i will never not be afraid to talk about my issues with them and because of that i feel i can never truly and deeply connect with them. bigotry from "my side" affects the oppressed most of all, but it affects me too. i wonder if you feel the same, being a transfem defending transmascs amidst the apocalypse of t(e)rfs. if so, i hope you're okay. i hope you can find other transfems with similar views who you can talk to about it, because that's what helps me <3

I know some cool transfems. One has been showing me her writing lately and oh my God it's so good and cool.

just realized that transfems all being non-binary is extra wild when one remembers the like. discourse when hating transtrenders and non-binary people generally was in vogue. does no one remember how awful using they/them for everyone you don't know is??? nd how that turned into a weird nb v transfem thing??? contrapoints did a whole thing??? part of her cancellation???

some people are happy to switch to whatever argument lets them be the biggest cunt in the room at any given point in time

I like the “my gender is whatever has the shortest line to the bathroom” joke, but truth be told, I’ve only actually done it once, with single stall bathrooms, and I did get caught. I live in a state without bathroom bills, so arrest wasn’t a threat, but it was still really fucking scary, and I don’t think I’m going to do it again. I usually dislike using any gendered bathroom for the exact same reasons. They all feel unsafe. I try not to use public bathrooms at all, because usually there isn’t a gender neutral restroom. When there is, I actually will wait for it. But just once, I thought to myself, “I really have to pee, there are two single stall gendered bathrooms, one is in use, it’ll be fine, no one will see me,” and it backfired. The “shortest line” jokes are wish fulfillment, ok? It’s a tumblr post, it’s not that serious.

nooooo it's transmisogyny!!!!! wahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Refreshing your blog over and over again to see if you’ve gotten to my anon yet <3 Getting parasocial with it

<3

i think it's really important to note that like. The other side of the "all trans women are nonbinary" coin is "all amab nonbinary people are women" to these people, and they do consistently misgender people they perceive as amab nonbinary, both by calling them men if they're not fem enough, women if they perform any kind of femininity, and just deciding they are actually afab if they look a certain way. One of the consequences of TMA as a descriptor is that it just flattens all amab trans experience into Transfem experience. And it can be okay for coalition labels to exist (trans as a term obviously describes a wide variety of experiences) but it often feels like it intentionally erases the existence of people who DO live their lives as Nonbinary, vs maybe having some gender fuckery they keep to theirselves to avoid actually having to deal with exorsexism. They will unintentionally acknowledge this with posts such as "I round to the nearest 'cisnifigant digit ' when talking to cis people about my gender", but they'll never call it that. Conveniently, it's actually transmisogyny now.

If you're non-binary and AMAB you're just pretending to not be a woman because transmisogyny has made you scared to be your true fymynyne self.

I need to complain about this to someone else before I bore my friends to death and flood culture blogs with it cuz like what the fuck is with all the anti endo cluster Bs like I'm actually going insane. it's always just.

sees relatable post look closer anti endo and it's always the pretentious type of anti endo too, like the ones that put the word 'endo' in fifty quotation marks because how else would we be able to tell that they don't think endos exist. it's hard being one of the few intelligent entities with a cluster b disorder. I'm sure you understand as someone who's also among the few.

cluster B disorders like you and I have make one inclined to drama lmao so it's not really surprising to me that a lot of them are loudly anti-endo

English does have a generic you, it's "one". As is: "As one knows, the generic you in English is one." "When one makes a statement it causes some kind of effect on another" "I can do many things to such a one."

Yeah, but that doesn't always sound as good.

Re clarifying generic you not you in particular, I sent an ask recently and clarified general you because Im aware Im writing a message to your account which feels like Im talking directly to you, which I am, but then it feels like any general use of 'you' would sound like its aimed at you in particular because its your account. So it felt important and polite to clarify that while I am talking to you, when I use general you it is general you, Im not being rude to you to your face Im being rude to the hypothetical people in the room. Im aware these are now very long sentences and I hope this makes sense. Basically its making sure you know the rudeness is not aimed at you even though I am talking to you in your inbox and using the same word you.

NW I know <3 It's just strange to me since it's clarified a lot and I don't remember it being this way when I was on Tumblr several years ago, so it's a new development in how people talk from my perspective.

Trfs are very quick to accuse transmascs (regardless of whether or not they pass) of having "male privilege" but if someone so much as implies that a boymoding trans woman has any access to male privilege at all theyre committing a Hate Crime and are Awful and Terrible. Very consistent logic.

the idea is that having to be stealth or misgendering yourself is Still A Bad Time but they can't extrapolate this to being the same for trans people AFAB too

there’s something so funny about the blog with an estrogen pun username getting on a high horse to say that making an extremely common trans joke is a sign of privilege. like i don’t even have anything witty to say in return, we love a lack of self awareness ig 😐

radical feminism is brain poison unfortunately

"you are not counter culture for saying Let Men Be Unapologetically Masculine" tell me you've never been to a bear bar without telling me you've never been to a bear bar oml @ OP of that post (feel free to post this when it is not the weekend)

lmao right though

transradfems absolutely self identify as radical feminists. eight years ago, when i was on this hellsite talking about anti-binary gender philosophy as a nonbinary person, i had swarms of people tell me i was actually being transmisogynistic by saying radical feminist was inherently transphobic because didn't I know there were trans women out there "reforming" it and some of them were even not white? I couldn't possibly remember what blog manifesto I was linked to, but my point remains. eight years ago i was told that trans women were gonna "reform" radical feminism, so i didn't have to bother talking about my experiences as a nonbinary "tme." and now look at where we are.

they should focus their efforts on reforming whatever educational system led to them being the people they are now

[fictionfixations]

2.7

i woke up at 3 am and forgot the update was out but then i was looking at my discord notifs and someone posted a pic of them summoning sunday

id also looked at my youtube notifs and theres alreayd someone posting videos about 2.7. i only got a glimpse of the word 'tingyun' but oh my god i need to just. not interact with anything when an update has just gone out. like i mean the summoning sunday thing isnt bad but oh man i dont wanna know spoilers. but the channel who immediately posts scenes like that does like videos of the entirety of quests which is helpful (especially of genshin since i dont have the space for genshin anymore)

wooo.

am i tripping or did tingyuns voice change???? im doing like the trials

is that a different va? i thought it was something like laci(?) and it definitely sounds different too. and i mean there is that fugue's VA was different from tingyuns. um. ?????

Please don't speculate or send any hate towards the VAs, we don't know what happened just that it did.

was so confused on why argenti was there and then i realized that like the ppl who can visit the express can also be in the other cars now. huh.

DAN HENG?? WHERES YOUR VOICELINE?? DUDE is this the glitch for argenti but on dan heng now?? WHAT??

HIMEKOS VOICE IS GONE TOO IM GOING TO CRY

SUNDAY POVV.. ah fuck get me out of this i forgot to set it to not mute when i set it to background

do they really not recognize him ?? at least put on your hood man. give me some plausible deniability.

oh wait no they mightve.

...sunday what in the mindfuckery is this??? i thought you let go of both the order and harmony's blessings or something wtf

CRYING HES CALLED WORKDAY

"No consumption of food other than burgers, especially ice cream" well whoops ive done that my bad. also SUNDAY YOU MADE THAT RULE????? (he said he did it so that people would wait in line in an orderly manner instead of shoving and jostling things around)

WHAT THE FUCK

did i just get teleported back?

WHAT what is this weird effect on the screen right before?? idk how to describe it

trying to remember if everyone can do tuning

"so... can i take it that rules are meant to be broken now?"

HELL YEAHHH let me get my baseball bat out real quick

the. the trashbag turned gold?!?!?

what???

YOU CAN BREAK YOUR HALO? i mean ok well you can break a lot of things idk why im surprised by that. speaking of where is his halo???? you can put it away???? HOW

what is this magic that plays when we're tuning it sounds like horror?

or am i hearing things wtf

WELT JUMPSCARE

OH thats what he looks like to them? yeah ok thats fair

is this about the train hitting his boss

LETS GOOO

huh.

this is so weird. we dont realize its sunday (hes not in his usual appearance) and its a different voice coming from him

WHAT IS THAT

oh shes in her new outfit now

why did this turn into horror all of a sudden

i dont recognize the voice but also tingyun got a new va so im still getting used to it and i cant tell if its her

i need to stop taking so many images or ill hit the image limit too early so

"These are wounds left by the Destruction. They have taken root within your body and cannot be removed."

whats on your neck?

oh the voice is ruan mei

"You were attacked by a Lord Ravager. By all rights, you should not have survived." "But someone didn't agree with that assessment, and it just so happens I was able to fulfil his request." ... "With this, the debt between the traveling merchant and me is clear."

she gave us a dream bubble of if she was there instead

HDWAIUHDU

oh god sundays going to talk to robin but without letting her know that hes sunday

dude

i

WHERES ROBINS VOICE??

WHAT

WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE MISSING THEIR VOICE !?!??!?!

in the background is that meant to be there or is that like a puzzle i forgot to solve or something

oh okay i think its intentional

"It's someone who experienced failure recently and is about to embark on a long journey." ... "But he's different. He's stronger than most ordinary people, but because of it, people have this misconception: They think that when he falls, he will stand back up faster than anyone else." ... "It's not. Because before he stands up again, he will hesitate and agonize for ages over whether that is the right course of action." ... "You may be right, but I still hope that he'll never change." ... "Because I have faith in the person I remember him to be." "He may have taken the wrong approach when he failed, but I don't think he had the wrong intentions. We once stood together at the same starting line, but now it's his turn to fly for the stars. I believe he'll find the right path, even if he has to do it alone." "We don't have to soar into the sky together." "Because I know we'll reunite one day, up there in the clouds."

That painting feels like a blessing, and also seems to mirror someone's resolve: Even when the broken wings no longer belong to the sky, the direction in which they fall will still be towards the stars-

"But as long as you continue to gaze upon them from here-" "Then those unfamiliar stars will one day be the place for our reunion."

is this like a Had I Not Seen the Sun instrumental?

this would have so much more feeling IF ROBIN COULD SPEAKKKK

also ah so she did recognize him

..welt..

wonweek turned into past sunday???

also we still dont know where his thorns came from which was a thing i was really curious about but unless i missed it i dont think it was really explained in the myriad celestia trailer for him

"The halo above your head that symbolizes the Harmony - it's been missing since the moment we reunited."

his playable character has it tho. is this like a furina/wanderer situation where they dont have their vision in story yet but they do in playable so you know that they're gonna get it eventually?? <<me who had pulled for both of them before playing either wanderer's like interlude thingy(? i think it was an interlude) or furinas story quest LMFAO

"While I was in the Gallery of Thoughts, at the entrance of the dream, I chose to completely sever the halo from myself." ... "Another reason is to feel pain... A pain like falling from the sky with broken wings that can keep me awake." "This is how I can cast aside all the blessings of the Harmony and the Order and, for the first time in my life, enter the sweet dream as an ordinary person."

oh wonweek/past sunday?? came to be because of the same way tingyun was split into different parts of herself. a try not to laugh challenge where this person like gave them candy which wouldve made them laugh and stuff but instead did this

i took a screenshot of sundays explanation from that moment

sunday admits he doesnt like himself??? or well of 'wonweek'

gives me same vibes as aventurine talking to himself

...."Did you lose your mind after being run over by the Express"

ITS CANON im i dont know what i expected no duh it was a dream so stuff like that can happen but HFIAUHWDUIAH

sunday i hate your boss fight so much

maybe this is a little overkill i just wanted to see her with the halo

NOT SUNDAY PUTTING SUNDAY TO SLEEP (yknow that debuff that makes a character unable to take action)

he killed robin 💀

BRUH STOP RESETTING YOUR SHIELD IM I CANT BREAK IT DOWN FAST ENOUGH

ive been sat in this stupid boss fight with nothing happening for so long because i cant get the shield down at all dude

whatever. im. gonna die here and choose an easier difficulty. if thats not available ill at least have robin alive

theres his halo again

why no trailblazer voice :(

what happens if we dont accept him into the astral express?

"Well, you did get nerfed after turning into a good guy..." MARCH--

also herta sneak peek and thats the end

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

BRO YES. I love Toriel but oh my god she's so flawed. Like in neutral endings Toriel just comes back and RECLAIMS THE THRONE and puts in her own rules about not hurting humans EVEN IF THE HUMAN KILLED PEOPLE? She ABANDONED the throne and her people and doesn't care what they think. If she's not with Asgore anymore she has no right to pretending she's still the queen. Not even mentioning how when Frisk leaves the ruins she's just like 'okay bye forever I want plausible deniability'.

ANON WE ARE ON. THE EXACT SAME WAVELENGTH HERE

like ok before i start really ranting: im not making a moral judgement on any of the undertale characters because that's kind of silly, in general, to like say this character from a viddy game has objective moral right or wrong. it's just UT toriel and asgore are both characters who've been through a lot of trials and reacted in their own ways and i think it's really really interesting to talk about!

but yeah!! like first of all, from asgore's own words, as well as the way other monsters talk about him - he's not like, just murdering kids because he's sad or whatever. in the wake of asriel and chara's death, he chose to declare war on humans because the entire underground had lost in the hope. -and this in the wake of losing BOTH HIS KIDS, my god, can you imagine how hopeless HE must have felt? the temptation to just give up and shut himself inside, let the rest of the world go to darkness because what does it matter anymore, must have been SO STRONG. but he didn't. he was determined to do whatever he needed to to make sure all the other monsters still felt hope. to make them feel like maybe they wouldn't be trapped down here forever, yeah?

and even after that - you can't look at asgore, asgore canonically, and tell me that if a human child had fallen into the underground and tried to stay, had found a home and friends and wasn't hurting anyone, that he would go to them and murder them in cold blood. if a human had asked him, genuinely, please couldn't they just stay and live out their life, he absolutely would have let them! he literally offers frisk that at the end of their fight! but the tragedy of the situation is that the humans who fall into the underground want to go home. they want to get out, and so they and asgore HAVE to fight, one of them has to claim the other's soul. and no matter how hopeless asgore feels, he will not leave his people leaderless if he can help it, so he won't just lie down and die for them.

on the other hand!! YES to everything you said about toriel!! i mean, i have no idea how the monarchy in undertale works so who knows what the status on toriel's claim to the throne is or if that even matters (seeing as apparently Literally Whoever's Around can grab the throne once you kill asgore in a neutral route), but to everything else? toriel just, fundamentally, prioritizes her own feelings when it comes to humans and asgore. which is an obvious survival mechanism in the face of losing both her children, but like- she LEFT. she just LEFT. even in the middle of grieving, she must have been able to see why asgore said what he did when he declared war. at the very least, they ruled together! she could have talked to him and they could have worked out a balance together. instead she leaves and shuts herself in the ruins. and she's not just leaving asgore- she's abandoning all of monsterkind to their grief and hopelessness, because her own is more important.

(also hey toriel THERE WERE MONSTERS STILL IN THE RUINS WHEN YOU SHUT THE DOOR? WHAT THE FUCK? how many monsters did she trap in there with her because she wanted to sulk?)

and then of course it takes her until at least human number seven is almost to the end of their journey, to actually leave the ruins and do something concrete about it. like if she cares so strongly about this, she could have gone and stopped asgore WAY earlier, but she waited instead, because i guess it was easier to hide and keep - y'know, "meekly hoping another human never comes" - than step out and try to reason with or face asgore herself.

and the alternate solution she offers to asgore at the end of a true pacifist route to scold him - leaving once he got one human soul, killing six more, and shattering the barrier - is like. as a queen she should be able to see the obvious problems with that. "seven humans fell into the barrier accidentally, they fought me to go home, i killed them, and eventually had enough souls to break the barrier" has some plausible deniability diplomatically. "i went out and murdered a bunch of you" is grounds for another war.

tl;dr i'm an epic divorce man apologist and milf anti apparently

[jackietaylorsghost]

very Important adam/ronan things to take away from the cdth sampler:

“like the other lynch brothers, he was a regular churchgoer, but most people assumed he played for the other team.” i am SCREAMING. top tier gay joke. well timed.

everyone: ronan’s eyes aren’t pretty. adam: mhmm  e y e l a s h e s

much to say about the revelation that ronan is partly at the barns to keep his dreams hidden and in check, and how much he relates an inability to change and be like everyone else to having to stay there. almost like he’s stuck huh! i’ve been saying!!

of note that words used to describe ronan’s existence are BORED and MALINGERED.

fingers crossed he finds some balance between his dreams and his wants/needs that allows him to leave the barns and grow but after the Great Crab Disaster I’M WORRIED.

fire imagery EVERYWHERE. i’m WORRIED again.

“there are stains that spread faster than you drive. if you drive, it’ll take fourteen years to get there. seventeen. forty. one hundred. we’ll be driving to your funeral by the end.” good to know ronan is still the most DRAMATIC boy in the whole of virginia. absolutely no chill.

dont like the possible foreshadowing of that driving to your funeral by the end, though. must leave lynches alone!

“it’s very safe” asjkajjka DECLAN PLEASE 

“ronan kicked one of the volvo’s tires” asjkajjka RONAN PLEASE. 

ronan trying to act nonchalant by cramming chocolate covered peanuts into his mouth and choking a little is Peak Disaster Gay. 

matthew’s music must be awful if ronan and declan are in agreement over it, must have playlist. 

ronan who lives to pretend he doesn’t care wondering if his brothers didn’t say anything about his moving because it didn’t make a difference to them is huhhh. don’t like it, take it away pls.

i’m sorry, ENTIRELY WRAPPED UP IN! ENTIRELY! 

entirely

wrapped

up

in

shut up!!!! shut upppppp! 

“is there any version of you that could come with me to cambridge?” tbh nothing would have readied me for this. adam i-can-do-everything-alone asking ronan if he could go with him. so much growth, too much pride, nowhere to put it, send help.

the fact that ronan doesn’t stay in cambridge when he visits adam because of plausible deniability, that if he doesn’t try there’s no evidence he can’t make it there. rip. 

ronan! missed! him! like! a! lung! 

dramatic again, but entirely relatable bc damn, same ronan, same. 

a) ronan thinking about how his heartbeat is the same as everyone else’s so he wasn’t that different and b) JUST LIKE ADAM’S HEART WHEN HIS HEAD WAS RESTING ON HIS HEAD = much too much to think about. need to lie down for a bit.

he could move to follow the guy he loved!! we all knew it was love, we’ve always known it was love, but! the words. the words!!!!! brb sobbing.

i have only had jordan for a day and a half but if anything happened to her i would kill everyone in this room and then myself. 11/10 would marry.

art forgery plot confirmed!

THIS WAS HOW IT HAD BEGUN

bitch fkajdkajksja GIVE ME A WARNING. 

still can’t compose myself RE the info that ronan saw adam and immediately sent a desperate prayer up to god 

will the word please ever be the same again? definitely not!

adam’s arms adam’s hands his lovely! boyish! hands!

the description of his expressions with all its contradictions and multitudes is just my favourite thing ever. it encapsulates everything i love about adam fucking parrish.

and the fact that ronan instantly recognised all those multitudes in him. there was always a level of understanding ronan had for adam throughout trc that no one else did and this tells us he had that before he even met him, he just... recognised something in him i just... ;______; 

please 

ronan knowing all the harvard stats because he was the person adam could crow to, how he takes on that adam that is still full of contradictions and multitudes, how he finds it hard but he absorbs all the facts and all of adam’s anxieties, even in the face of his own anxieties about adam leaving and falling in love with the shining, educated people that ronan thinks are better than him. that absolute, unwavering support 😭😭😭

tbh there’s a whole ass lot to unpack in this section so imma try and do it briefly (she says!)

ronan lynch is a romantic cdth confirmed: 

he could have texted adam but he liked the soft surprise of it

over the past few days ronan had played his reunion with adam over in his head MANY TIMES

adam i love you but that outfit sounds awful. you are a student, it’s a friday night, put some sweats on and stuff some cheetos in your mouth. 

the sweet nervousness of their reunion, how they walk past each other and both seem so uncertain. they’re a year into dating and the still get nervous and unsure after a few weeks apart and it’s CUTE and definitely speaks to their excitement/anticipation levels.

THE WATCH. big time softness. 

they hugged hard ;_____; 

im just so relieved that they’re allowed to touch each other and be intimate and aren’t consigned to the ‘boys in love aren’t like that boring boring’ corner. 

the way ronan thinks about how adam fits as he remembered. huh. you’re really gonna do this to me.

his hand still pressed against the back of ronan’s skull the way it ALWAYS did when they hugged. 

you smell like home. you smell like home!!!!!! brb ive gone absolutely fucking feral. 

i both want to play repo because it sounds fun and don’t want to because it sounds complicated and i fucking hate instructions. much confusion. 

adam pressing his shoe hard against ronan’s and then his leg and then breathing in ronan’s ear I AM HOWLING. ronan’s nerve endings being made a marvel of I AM SOBBING. it’s very important that m/m ships are afforded the same level of explicit attraction as m/f (and i don’t mean explicit as in nsfw, i mean as in obvious)

no offence because i love them but all of adam’s friends sound Extra™

“to the outside eye, ronan lynch was a loser” pls ronan, you are giving me an ulcer.

scary spice i asjkjdkjskdjak

queer crying club! i stan!!

also adam saying in the epilogue of trk that he wanted to save all the adam’s hidden in plain view and then going to college and scooping up all the criers and giving them something to do is far too much to handle.

don’t think about that and the time he thought about how he used to spend his nights crying on the trailer steps and wondering why he bothered until gansey came along and offered him friendship. dont think about how he’s essentially paying that forward DON’T THINK ABOUT IT.

hand holding, arms around each other, hip to hip walking, can’t wait anymore kissing, I MISSED YOU. love that for me! 

but also the fact that adam reaches down for ronan’s hand and its so natural. ronan’s hand is there so he just. takes it. 

hearing ronan’s thoughts on what happened with robert at last is A Lot. the way it’s still happening, always happening, kept fresh and savage shows how affected ronan was by it all and still is and i think its so important that he’s not just. angry and hot headed. there’s more to it than that. its painful, it makes him feel sick, its unending and it really speaks to how much adam means to him. 

adam thinks he has no one BITCH YOU’VE GOT ALL OF US. 

and ronan. 

but. how he feels like he has nothing still. the way his voice hitches on ‘because’ because it’s all still so painful. i wanna wrap him up. i wanna take everything that hurts away. i wanna tell him he’s so loved. guess i’ll just have to sit back and watch him work his way through it all I GUESS. no but i am looking forward to his growth in this trilogy, especially considering how much he’s grown already. adam parrish invented character growth lets 👏 be 👏 real 👏

it had never been a fight between them/it was a fight between adam and himself, between adam and the world/for ronan it was a fight between truth and compromise, between the black and white he saw and the reality everyone else experienced. i LOVE this. it so well encapsulates them. and it’s so important that they can realise their differing world views and their complexities and meet in the middle somewhere.

“ronan put his lips on adam’s deaf ear, and he hated adam’s father” FUCK ME UP. my absolute favourite bit 103930%. absolute incoherent mess over here. not! okay! see other post for more coherency because i only had it for 5.7 minutes. 

frowning, guarded, crumpled adam who i’ll literally. never be over in all of my life. 38983/10 will love him until the end of time. 

i want it too much. !!!!!! going feral again over here. WHAT DO YOU WANT ADAM? I WANT IT TOO MUCH. definitely will never shut up about this. 

scared adam is going to be a visionary so pretending chapter 6 doesn’t exist. 

LINDENMERE ;________;

i love it already

i CANNOT believe that ronan is being dream invaded and challenged and he’s over here like hmm nice bike ELEGANT and ROUGH and READY like ADAM asjkasj please ronan you are so embarrassing!! 

also. ronan thinks adam is elegant and rough and ready so! there’s that!

i literally. cannot. cope with the HILARITY of chapter 8. the whole thing is a complete and utter DISASTER. it’s absolutely gone off in adam’s room after all his work at constructing a well put together boy. ronan comes for a night and everything goes BONKERS. amazing. 

(really worried about what this means RE ronan being able to exit the barns and grow and change and not be bored and not feel like a loser so we’re focusing on the hilarious disaster of it all.)

p.s. adam sleeping slotted between ronan and the wall OKAY. THIS IS FINE! 

p.p.s. adam’s bed hair is WILD. 

p.p.p.s i have missed adam and ronan so so so so so much and im an emotional fucking wreck

[reatrea]

LTJG Michael Whitley: "I..." The engineer would pause, evidently trying to put words together properly. "You should've heard their voices, teach. They blamed me. They never outright said it, but... They blamed me for her death." Whit would sit there for a long moment, silently, before shaking his head. An obviously faked smile would be broad across his face. "But, y'know, I'll just show up, do what I need to, and dip out, yeah?"

Lt Vance chimes in from afar "You know what happened to me the last time I did that? You learned about it in my class."

Commander T'Sala:  "Did you ask them if they blamed  you?" she asks

LTJG Michael Whitley: Turning to face Vance, Whit would nod. "I remember. But, everyone deals in their own way." Turning back towards T'Sala, Whit would shake his head. "That's part of what I'm going to do while I'm there."

T'Sala lets out a little sigh from her nose. "You are not mistaken, everyone does. I am sorry that is what reached your ears, whether that was their intent or not does not change the pain of the mark it left."

LTJG Michael Whitley: Shaking his head, Whit would flash the faked grin again, "It is what it is, professor. I'll live."

Commander T'Sala:. "You you live. Life does indeed continue despite the pain. But I want you to look at me a moment Whit." she says shifting her eyes to catch his again. "Do you blame yourself?”

LTJG Michael Whitley: "I... If I hadn't been there, she wouldn't have. On the flip side, if she had just accepted my choices, she wouldn't have. So... I don't know how to feel, professor."

T'Sala nods and takes a breath. "I went through the same with my first husband. I will not deny a touch of petulance in my motivation but I wanted to be as free as possible from my Father's influence. Which is a story of its own. But we took the test in secret and applied to SFA. Salak wouldn't have if I did not. Then he was killed in combat. I also held him as he left.

I will tell you from intimate experience that you will never know the answer to "what if" and that it is most destructive when you direct it at the past. Instead, try and direct it at the future when you can. "What if I can prevent the next war to help this not happen again." Grief will never get easier. Do not let any 'bull shit' you other wise. You do get better at dealing with it. At looking it in the face and accepting its presence. I am still trying myself after seven years. I am Vulcan and there are still periods where I break down and cry.

Vulcans see grief as inevitable. But it can also be the most dangerous if not controlled. Because grief can turn into despair which is a harder and more destructive to the mind than even rage. We wear grieving markers much like the Romulans although it is our clothing, because it is that important to be given time and space to grieve in our own way BUT to have someone keep an eye on us because of how it can twist the mind. I am proud of you for facing this. You are doing it sooner than I was able to." She gives him a gentle look.

LTJG Michael Whitley: Sitting in silence as the commander speaks, Whit would let a small smile cross his features. "I'm just so sick of running from this, y'know? My own family, for fucks sake... As far as dealing with the grief its self? It's not alright. I'm not alright, and I'll be the first to admit it. But... I make it alright. It's alright because it has to be, yeah? I'll deal with it... When I get around to it. And that's all there is to it," He'd pause, his usual mischievous grin crossing his features, "professor."

Commander T'Sala: “It is your family and you should go back. You -are- done running and that is where you should focus now. Let this be a personal milestone. And I am agreeable to throw you out if I must next week. Perhaps even with a shuttle so you do not need to walk. Humor aside you are dealing. Everyone goes at their own pace. I have found some comfort as of late asking others how they deal because I've been on the edge of despair for so long...”

“Sometimes.." she pauses to make herself say it. "... I -do- fall into despair. I am not always alright either. Some days the amount of strength to get out of bed is like lifting a planet. But we do it and get through it. And that is something I find people do not cheer each other on for enough. It is also something people who haven't been through it will never understand. For me, helping others through it has been healing in its own way. Which is why Juvi -needs- you. No one else will get it like you do. And maybe you will help yourself along the way."

LTJG Michael Whitley: "Well..." The man would sit there in silence for a long moment, once more at a loss for words. "Fuck. That was... Pretty solid, teach. Thanks. I uh... I'll make sure I take that leave next week."

Commander T'Sala: “Good man." T'Sala nods firmly and stands, poking his shoulder. "And I am not a Professor. Im not allowed to be called that without a doctorates." LTJG Michael Whitley: "Professor, I mean this with all sincerity. Fuck the paperwork. Between experience and actions, you've more than earned the title. The paperwork just hasn't caught up yet because you keep getting shafted with bullshit. So... Yeah. Professor." The man would smirk, but a grin would flicker around the edge of it.

Commander T'Sala: For a rare moment in her life the Vulcan resists the perhaps downright genetic urge to argue. "Very well. Just not in front of the Admirals or Professor VonGrippen." She shakes her head. "What am I going to do with you, Whit? Besides put my boot on your bottom or hand on your back or just believe in you when you need it." She perks a brow.

LTJG Michael Whitley: "I mean...  Might as well let me do what I'm good at. Throw my ass in an engine room and walk away, and pull full plausible deniability when shit goes sideways?" The grin would remain in full force, mischievous as ever. Art By: HunnBunn

Main Blog: https://outpostzeta.tumblr.com/

[knightofraguel]

all of this ^^^^ is so well said and i fully agree, and i think a very important thing for me personally, which made me rethink and reframe what i knew of vivienne, is actually in one of the first conversations you have with her. in haven, when she asks the inquisitor about their views on the mage-templar conflict you can choose the option "the templars made their bed, and now they must lie in it"... and she approves. vivienne knows that she cant openly and plainly speak against the powers that be without some form of repercussions, but from the get go she doesnt think that the templars are right and she agrees that the system must be reworked(and should be changed by a mage, the ones most oppressed by the current power structure).

she agrees that the templars are abusive and need that needs to be addressed and changed, but you have to be able to speak those views in a way that has plausible deniability. that's a common (and effective) way of expressing your views when you've grown up in an abusive and controlling environment where you were punished for what you said. looking at her choices as divine she still makes some radical changes to the circle(more than cassandra, in fact).

while she restores the circles, like cassandra, vivienne actually gives mages institutional power. she makes it so that mages have a say over their own lives, and although that isnt the massive overhaul that system needs it does give the mages a fighting chance at enacting real change down the line instead of just lip service which will end if shes taken out of power as divine. she also gives the templars tighter restrictions, which while it's not a good solution it's still much better. vivienne is a politician at heart, and she plays smart and plans for the long haul, although shes too conservative for my tastes.

but she truly works for and enacts reform, and if the inquisitor is smart enough to talk to her respectfully and in a way that she can (for her safety and due to her history) reasonably agree with out loud then she falls easily into friendship and genuine care. you can still be pretty critical with your statements, but you have to be able to play that game for her to be able to express her own views while feeling safe to.

she is slow to trust, has had to fight tooth and nail to earn her right to be respected as a person and to live outside of prison walls in some form of comfort, and the whole time she has had to show no weaknesses or she wouldve been taken down by all those bitter about her having even a small amount of political leverage while being a mage. she cant afford to be outed for either her weaknesses or her endgame goal, and she heavily dislikes anyone (or anything) who could out either of those things.

shes truly such a wonderful character if you can meet her on her level, and if you know when to speak your mind, when to twist your words, and when to bite your tongue like she has to then she really shines as a character. im glad that i reframed how i saw her, because i feel like i understand and enjoy so much more of her now, and i wish that more people took the time to do that because its just... shes a good, intricate character with just as many flaws and wonderful traits as any of the other companions.

she faught through an abusive system and refuses to let people look at her with pity or let them see her as lesser, refuses anything less than the respect shes had to fight all her life for, and refuses to settle for the system in power which made her, and all others like her, powerless, and she makes sure that the actions she takes are ones that will still hold their influence after shes gone instead of simply while shes there. shes worth the effort if you're as patient with her flaws as much as you're patient with the other companions' flaws.

Daily Reminder

Vivienne de Fer is a complex character and a caring person who’s achieved a lot in her life despite facing great opposition. Her dynamics with other party members are varied and interesting, and given respect and adequate reason, she values and respects the Inquisitor as a close friend. She’s a valuable member of the Inquisition and one of my favorite parts of the game.