#im sorry this scene is fucking hilarious

[arthemrys]

Mean Bitch Contest™

[volivolition]

You hear a commotion outside, days after halloween had already passed...

You hear the door creak open...

VISUAL CALCULUS - It's not like the house is our permanent residence, anyways. We live in the void of a headspace. HAND/EYE COORDINATION - Yeah, this is just a convenient depiction that one of the Concepts made. Anyway, catch, Crowny!

[lukasadss]

The internal conflict of the week is trying to figure out wether I'd rather Tom tone down the, frankly, insane underlying horniness he plays Dream with for the next season of the Sandman or not

[todayisafridaynight]

i'll probably be skipping stream today & tomorrow on account of my personal challenge to finish JE before you (<- absolutely not going to happen)

but while i'm here SHUT UP your headcanon is not icky :) though i can't really talk since i don't bring my own up very often either, and i honestly haven't even put that much thought into the logistics around it. anyway trans masato 🤝 trans wagi as personal coping mechanisms

DAWG you gotta finish it... idk how long youve had it but prob longer than me cmon now gamer i know you can do it ✊

trans masato is just funny because Like Everything I Do it just started as me joking about scenes from the game and then the ending happened and i was like Oh Lol It's Not A Joke Anymore I Think

I DONT USUALLY SUBSCRIBE TO TRANS HCS EITHER THAT WHY IT ICKY TO MEAJLWKJL but thank you. i promise to only mention it once every five months

[ravensmadreads]

LISTEN TO ME-

LISTEN -

I-

Ok i got nothing

the only thing we have to fuck is fear itself

rating: 18+

pairing: max phillips x f!reader

word count: 5309

summary: You get drunk at a happy hour and tell Max to his face you don’t find him scary at all. He takes that personally.

warnings/tags: drinking, like two seconds of scary vibes, smut, (secret) established relationship, work hard, play hard, have secret sex with your coworker even harder

a/n: I’m so sorry to FDR for butchering his quote for the sake of a title, but i like to think that horny bastard would have loved my smut.

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Despite working at a place that was quite literally soul-sucking, your coworkers could throw one hell of a happy-hour. 

There wasn’t a bartender in a ten mile radius from the office who didn’t know you all by name, didn’t shout a greeting over the tightly-packed house the instant you walked in. Rarely was it just a single crew member at the bars – you often got accused of moving in a pack like a five-headed hydra that could drink double its own weight in liquor, beer, and frosés – and being only two-fifths human, the Monster Squad was an alcoholic force to be reckoned with.

Maybe because you actively promoted unity amongst the species, like poster children for positive and “non-toxic human-demon relationships” HR kept encouraging in their Monday-Funday email blasts, but your little group was something of a legend in the area. You thought any notoriety was more likely due more to your faces plastered all over the bars’ trivia night winner boards, but in the office, people tended to stare. Trish, a siren from Santa Barbara, loved the attention, said it was good for her skin – gave her a “dewy” look. Nita, the only other human in your group besides you, disagreed with Ken (a quarter leprechaun on his mother’s side) when Ken claimed the whispering came from the sheer volume of nonsense that started around 4PM in the office on Fridays and continued until you all left the office. Ken was of the belief that the notoriety was actually infamy – to which he was promptly booed and had to buy the next round. 

And yet, to yourself, to the quiet conversations you had in the bathroom mirror after two long island ice teas and whatever was in what the centaur bartender at Lucky’s called an “Ass Whooping”, you suspected there might be another reason the Monster Squad even had a name at all. Within your own fields, each of you were respectable – Ken and Trish were both heads of marketing and Nita oversaw a considerable team of engineers, with you of course a department leader over in legal – one member of your group was, let’s say, more well-known. 

Well-known because he was the flashiest, the loudest, and certainly the most demonic of you all: Max Phillips, VP of sales, money-maker extraordinaire, and a fan-favorite amongst your Overlords, the rest of the sales team, and anyone with working and interested sex organs in the near vicinity. 

To your complete and utter annoyance.

You don’t quite remember how you all came together, who brought who into the group, and when it was unanimously decided that you’d stop snatching up office workers like limes at $5 margarita night after Trish, but it was Max who kept you together, who set up the group chat (somehow mysteriously gathering all of your phone numbers after a very late night), who bullied anyone who responded to his weekly “winner winner liquid dinner” texts every Friday morning with a tepid maybe into coming out that night. He already seemed to know half of the bartenders in the city, all of whom were happy to send over a free round of tequila shots as a “thank you to Max’s friends”. While you’d never look a gift vampire in the mouth, you were suspicious of his influence. Was that vampire hypnosis real? Did he have a pack of lesser, baby vamps to send out to tenderize the hunting grounds?

One thing’s for sure, he definitely didn’t scare them into it. 

“Has Halloween, like, changed for anyone else?” Nita grouched over her second Sangria Spritzer two hours into another fantabulous happy hour at Heel Clicks. The four of you were huddled into your comically small booth up on the landing near the back bar – of course there were other seats available but this had the best view, the closest access to your favorite bartender, and at some point, the shoulder-to-shoulder proximity served as a way to counteract the tipsy swaying. 

Trish leaned around Ken, her beautiful blue eyes sparkling with curiosity. 

“What do you mean?”

“I dunno,” Nita shrugged hopelessly. “It used to be one of my favorite holidays when I was a kid. I loved the candy, the costumes – all of it. But I really liked being scared the most.”

Ken sorted into his old-fashioned. “Well, if you’re still scared of things you were as a kid, Nit, I think you’ve got a bigger problem than seasonal preference.”

She elbows him and he knocks into Trish.

“Not like that . . . but, like, monster movies aren’t really scary anymore? I mean, I used to watch Ginger Snaps religiously around Halloween, but, uh, now that I know an actual werewolf and he’s the nicest little old man in accounting, I dunno . . . it’s just not the same.” 

“Sorry to burst your bubble on monsters,�� Ken shrugged. “But I personally cannot relate. As a member of the Free Folk, my people have always been welcomed, seen as bringers of good will towards man.”

“You know there’s eight movies where a leprechaun murders literally dozens of teenagers, right?” You turned to Ken over Nita, your entire right buttcheek hanging off the edge of the booth. 

“Oh, yeah, baby Jennifer Aniston,” Trish mused, thinking. “If that’s what your uncle looks like, Ken, then I posit Halloween is still fucking creepy.”

“Halloween is definitely creepy and it sucks.” Your ringleader has returned with electric-green jello shots. Max Phillips carried a tray with one hand, his immaculate blue jacket gone to display firm forearms underneath his white, rolled-back sleeves. “Bunch up, kiddies, Daddy’s back with treats.” 

Half the group groaned, the other squealed in delight.

Max hip-bumped you, his ravenous cologne immediately making you think unwise thoughts, as he pushed his way onto the bench absolutely not made for this many people. He looked back at you as he passed out the drinks.

“Now why are we all in agreement that Halloween is a lame holiday?” 

“Nita claims that because she personally knows a werewolf – Ned, right? – she’s not scared of monster movies anymore.”

Max scoffed. “Well, there’s your problem right there. Werewolves were never scary to begin with.”

“What monster movies have you been watching?” Nita gaped at him. “Maybe it’s bad representation, but all the movie werewolves can tear you to shreds!”

Ken nodded solemnly. “This is why affirmative action is so important.” 

Trish smacked him over the back of the head. 

“So, what?” Max continued, crunching up the jello in its plastic cup. “Now that you know me, a vampire, you think all Dracula movies give blood-suckers a bad rap?”

“No, being a human-sized mosquito with too much hair gel is doing that all on its own.” You smirked, dead-eyed, at him. Behind you, Ken and Trish snorted so hard they almost spilled their drinks. 

Max narrowed his eyes at you, in a look he only gave you when you wouldn’t let him ease around legal loopholes “for the good of the business”. Only Nita seemed to be oblivious. 

“That’s a good point, Max.” She thoughtfully stirred her jello with her pinky, unsticking it from the sides of her cup. “I mean, I guess I never watched that many vampire movies to begin with.”

Max broke his heated staring contest with you to look around at Nita, elbow pressing up into your chest as he leaned forward on the table. “I can promise you, doll face, vampires have been and always will be more terrifying and lethal than werewolves.”

“Not the argument I think you want to make, mate,” Ken murmured as you shifted yourself to face Max entirely. 

“Oh, yeah? Enlighten us all –,”

“Nope,” Trish called down the row, “we’re taking this shot before you two get into it again.”

“To Ned!” Ken yelled. 

“To Ned!” 

Plastic crunched, tongues slurped, as jello ungracefully slipped into every open mouth down the bench. You licked your lip, tip of your tongue green. Max watched the movement out of the corner of his eye. 

“So, enlighten us, Max, why should we be so afraid of you?” 

Max grinned out the side of his mouth. “One, I’ve seen more bite out of a pomeranian than one of those Tribbles. And two, whatever-wolves can only get it up once a month. I’m all monster, all the time, baby.”

At this, everyone groaned.

“Dollar to the Dick Jar!” Trish smacked her hand on the table.

“Here, here!”

Max pouted as he took a dollar out of his wallet and slammed it into the center of the table, payment towards tips or the bill or whoever suffered the most due to The Dick. 

“Face it, buzz,” you shrugged as he put his wallet away. “You’re just not scary any more, if you ever were.”

“Is that right?” 

Fuck, you were in a lot of trouble. Beneath the table, his thigh soaked yours in heat. 

“That’s right.”

“You know what is really scary?” Ken muttered, digging around in his crushed up for the last remnants of jello. “Kelpies.”

“Ah – yes! They’ve got sloppy fangs covered in algae!”

“Hey – that’s my cousin you’re talking about!”

Heel Clicks was hands down one of your favorite bars in the area. Devoted to the local music scene in the area, the vibe was a mix of old 70s rock bands, modern steel, and whatever justified lots of mounted horns and hairy cow-skin stools. The drinks were great, seasonal too, and there was always live music on the patio out back. In a twist that you found particularly cool, the old rum-runners tunnels had been converted to comfortably spacious bathrooms in the basement. Behind the solid oak door, the noises from the above bar are nearly entirely muffled, making the slow descent to the bathroom something of an out-of-body experience when you’ve had a few and the sudden silence is almost an echo. 

Plus, these fucking stairs are a death trap. 

You embarrassingly clutched at the railing, the wooden stairs at far too sharp an angle even if you were sober as a judge, much less at a Monster Squad happy hour. 

Stupid Max and his stupid drinks and his –

What was that?

You stand up right on the third to last step, listening. 

In the half darkness in front of you, there are three paths available. To the left, employee storage, the lights above the door flickering, the sign reading “do not enter” pulsating in and out of visibility. To your right, another door, maybe an exit. Always unmarked and always locked every time your drunken curiosity got the better of you. 

And across from the stairs were the bathrooms, left women, right for men.

God, what year is it? Shouldn’t it all just be gender-neutral? You think to yourself, a tad bit more aggressive than you’d usually oppose the gender binary – primarily to wash out the rising concern at the back of your neck.

You are alone down here. It’s obvious. It’s not like there’s that many places for some dastardly villain to hide. Four shut doors and three hallways. Unless some maniac was curled up under the stairs, you are the only person in the basement. 

At least, the only person you can see. 

You don’t realize how sweaty your hands are until you try to continue your way down the stairs. You take a step and nearly slip, the eyes you know are on you somehow laughing. 

One blinking light. No where for anything to hide, so why are you so nervous? You are an adult woman, for god’s sakes. You make it to the floor, the most likely candidate for your demise behind you and –

The stairs creaked. 

The empty stairs that you just walked down creaked and you nearly leap across the hallway to put space between you. Heart in your throat, you make the monumentally stupid decision and call out, “hello? Is anyone there?”

As if the serial killer was just going to announce himself, give up the whole element of surprise.

Blinking through the bleary haze of too many drinks, you take out your phone and flip on the light. A white beam chases back the encroaching darkness, a frantic worried ghost peering through the gloom. And yet, like you consciously know, there’s nothing there. But the darkness feels heavier, the eerie distant noise from the bar above so quiet and removed the sound is more of a memory – the idea of what comfort and community should sound like. But it’s not. It’s too far gone – if anything were to happen, it’d be hours before they found you. If they did at all. 

“Oh my god,” you scold yourself, squeezing your eyes shut. “Get a fucking grip and go pee and then go back up those fucking stairs and –,”

Okay, that was definitely breathing.

Breathing, right behind you. Ragged, hungry, disembodied breathing, in your ear and your heart ricochets into your chest. Your own breath turns short, choppy, panic swelling into your ears, over your fingers. You think you might drop your phone, your fingers are so numb from fear, so you clutch tighter, the trembling throwing white light across the paneled wood in a craze. 

Be rational, this is crazy, there is nothing down here! 

The stairs snarl again and you squeak, all but bolting for the women’s bathroom, desperate to put at least some space between you and those fucking stairs, put some boundaries between –

The door is locked. When the fuck is this door ever locked?

Panic recedes to overwhelming rage because fuck, fuck, fuck, now you’re trapped in here – you can’t go back to the stairs – you rattle the handle, shaking the door against its lock –

“Fucking let me in!”

The light above the exit door goes out. And then the other. You throw all of your weight against the bathroom door. You claw at the handle, begging it to give way. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck – you can hear the darkness breathing –

No, speaking – it’s saying something, chanting, mocking, calling out – calling out your name –

The door suddenly unlocks and you stumble forward – into something solid –

Its hands grab you and like a fucking fool, you played right into its trap. 

It turns you, throws you up against the tile wall, its claws around your shoulders, cold tile against your cheek and you whimper. Whimper when you feel the soft pin-prick of fangs against the back of your neck – fuck, this is how it ends?? – and –

“Got you.” 

That voice.

That condescending, snide, bratty, little –

You elbow the solid body behind you and Max lets out a puff of air, staggering back. You whip around, nearly snarling in his smirking, beautiful face. The bathroom is dark, black tiled walls and floors with a faux-wooden sink and dim lights across the top of the mirror. In the flushed orange light, his eyelashes encourage thick shadows under his eyes and in the collar of his throat. If it wasn’t for that insufferable smile, he’d look painted from thin brush strokes and heavy scarlet paint. 

Caravaggio, eat your heart out. 

“Max, what the fuck was that?” 

He rolls his eyes, rubbing the spot on his chest where you hit him, at the top of his ribcage. “Oh, c’mon, it was just some fun. Saw you sneak off after you got Nita’s drink and thought I’d mess with you just a bit.”

You sigh, willing your heart to slow down, throwing your gaze to the ceiling and dropping your head against the tile.

“God, you asshole, I thought I was gonna die.” You swallow and move your hair out of your face. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“I what?”

“You scared –,”

That smile, the crack of fangs across his mouth, widens, the bottom of his lip rolling back over the cut of his teeth, those brown eyes melting into a warm, obscene black, as he meets you hip first against the wall. 

His hands climb over your waist, as though daring you to hit him again, and your thigh muscles tighten. Your hands instinctively trace the exposed skin left by his opened collar at the dip of his throat when he comes closer, chest pressing up against yours, nose against your temple. 

Fuck, it shouldn’t be this easy for him. You sigh through your nose, eyes rolling shut, when he nips at your cheek.

“I think you were supposed to be mad at me.”

“I am,” you groan. “I’m livid. I’m enraged. I’m –,”

His thumb brushes your ribs – not tickling, not entirely touching, but just reminding. Reminding of the force behind his touch, behind his teeth. 

“Baby girl,” he chuckles softly, the sound running down your neck like rain, “you’re melting in my arms.” 

“This doesn’t mean I’m scared of you.” You focus on the softness of his hair between your fingers, the heat of the back of his neck beneath the pads of your fingertips – resolutely ignoring the radiating scent of his cologne coming from up under his collar. More than once had he come across you in his apartment bathroom, sniffing that bottle like some dopey perv looking for a quick fix. Of course, instead of admonishing you, he bent you over his sink and fucked the daylights out of you, his wrists singing with the smell of that cologne. Now he wore it to work wherever he wanted something from you, particularly to overlook some pesky lines of legalise. 

In the hallowed darkness of the bar’s bathroom, he drops a single kiss just below your jaw, inches beneath your ear. He grumbles when your pulse there quickens, and again his fangs find a curve of skin to press against – a reminder. 

Always reminding, always lurking, a threat without a promise.

And he knows exactly what that does to you. 

You release a full body shudder when his hands drop lower, guiding you back against the wall, fingers rounding around your thighs. Like interlocking pieces, your bodies slide together, your arms curling around his neck, the heat of his chest branding yours as it forces you against the wall. You’re breathing all wrong again, but for different reasons this time. You catch a flash of the ink-well darkness of his eyes when he nuzzles out of your neck to admire the mess he has made of your skirt.

“Can I fuck you in this or is this thing too tight?” He asks, like he specifically didn’t get on his hands and knees and beg you to wear that gray pencil skirt only twelve hours earlier. 

You lean up, snagging his bottom lip between your teeth, kissing him roughly and showing him he’s not the only one with a little bite. He groans softly, one hand curling into your hair at the base of your skull, and he licks you, from the front of your lips up to the valley of your mouth. He tastes like the sweetness of his whiskey n’ coke, his tongue rubbing the flexing muscle of yours, the sharpness of your molars. You could spend hours just sucking on his plush mouth. 

Maybe he did scare you. Maybe he should have scared you more, the threat of anyone discovering your relationship a real danger to both of your careers. Maybe it should have scared you, how little you cared about any of that when he palmed your breast over your shirt. 

You inhaled over his mouth, popping off his lips with a moan, his hand cupping you roughly as he dove in to suck marks on your neck. Every moment that passes, you feel your skin ratcheting up with heat, blood almost hot. He thumbs your perk nipple through your shirt and you arch your chest, his massive palm nearly cupping your ribs to your spine.

“Max, either you figure out how to fuck me in this skirt or you owe me a new one.”

“You want me to rip it off you?” He slurs, eyelids heavy, his thigh slides in between your knees, the fabric preventing him from going higher, to the place where you both need him. You groan in frustration and his hands squeeze your hips at the sound. “Tell me fast, baby, because I can’t–,”

“For the love of – just fucking lift it up–,” His hands fumble over yours as your fingers curl under the hem, his own want making that brilliant mind for numbers almost stupid. His warm fingers overwhelm your own as they push your skirt up your waist, and then dig around the line of your pantyhose. 

“Jesus Christ, are you trying to Fort Knox me out of your pussy? Why are there so many layers?” 

You hiss at him as you slide out of your heels and shove your nylons to the ground, hopping on one leg to take them off your feet. “It’s like you’ve never undressed me before.” 

Freed of the chaos of your underthings, Max’s hands rush to his belt, the clinking of the metal sending shivers down your back and straight up your cunt. He doesn’t notice because he’s obsessively watching your thighs. “I’ve never undressed you with our coworkers a floor above us and probably becoming increasingly suspicious about where the fuck we are–,” 

You take him by the back of the neck, hand clenching around the starch white of his shoulder. He comes to you, zipper digging into your hip bone as he pulls you up off your feet. For once that chatty mouth is quiet, open and wet with desire as he takes in your flushed face, the blood pumping under your tits. Max is nothing if not almost supernaturally consumed by the look, feel, texture, and taste of your tits. 

The look on his face is one of those reasons you tend to throw caution to the wind, why your heart almost feels too big for your chest, whenever he’s around. 

He hooks an arm around your low back, tilting your hips forward. You feel the heat of his cock somewhere below you and it takes all of your strength not to grind down. 

“Max –,” he’s not even inside of you and you’re already begging. You bite down on his ear to stifle whatever was rising up your throat. 

“Hang on, baby, I gotta make sure you . . .”

Using your shoulders as counterbalance, he holds himself up against the wet warmth of your cunt, breath stuttering as he rubs the head of his cock against your slick folds. That bratty aloofness is gone; he wants to sink so, so deep into you.

“Fuck, baby, I didn’t even get you ready – but you’re already so wet –,”

You don’t resist grinding down now and he knocks his shoulders forward, needing movement, but fighting against the urge to buck up into you, gasping from the feeling of your cunt. 

“Please, Max, just –,”

“Yeah, I know, baby, okay, just, I gotta . . .” 

He angles himself and you arch your back, unable to watch with the mess of your skirt around your waist, but he finds it, finds your opening, the place he loves to mark, and without any warning, thrusts his length up into you. 

The stretch, the surprise, the ear-ringing split between being empty and then stuffed so full – you can’t help but moan so loudly, you sing to the ceiling. For a moment, your bodies hum with the stillness, the blood in your cunt pulsating around him, you claw at his broad shoulders, need him closer, needing that smell of him that haunts your empty bed as far inside of you as his cock is. His hips stutter and he presses one hand against the tile by your ribs, teeth clenched against the sensation. 

“When I fuck you, every time feels like the first time. Every goddamn time.” 

It’s not particularly the confession it could be, but you shake your head, clearing it of anything stupid like feelings for Max Phillips, your chin brushing his jaw, his nose against your ear. 

“Then do it,” you whine. “Just fuck me, Max.”

With a groan that could be mistaken for a snarl, he lifts you both up right, pushing your hips down and spreading yourself over him. You lock your ankles around his back a second before he pulls out halfway, then to jerk back in with such force and precision your eyes roll to the back of your head. He sets a pace that has pleasure weaving a tight drum just under your stomach. Each sweaty thrust fires sparks up your spine. He really is so fucking good at this. 

This is the release you need, you both need. Sure, it’s an after-effect of having a high-powered job, but it’s also more than that. Max fucking you is unfortunately very often the highlight of your day. He knows what you need, how you need it – how hard to drive his cock into you, it makes you tongue-tied and dizzy. The fast pump of his cock, how it feels to split you apart over and over again, the back zipper of your skirt digging into your back – it’s too fucking good.

“Don’t know where you get off giving me orders,” he grunts, the pounding of his hips into yours rapidly shoving you up your ascension. The slapping, wet noise in the empty room is obscene. “I’m a fucking VP, little girl, and I–,”

You tense your muscles around his cock and he fumbles, his knees buckling momentarily. 

“Do not fucking bring up the org chart right now,” you hiss, your own edge yanked away when he stills. “I’m almost there–,” 

Quicker than he’s been all night, Max lunges forward, mouth open and teeth bare. He bites your neck and then he bites you. 

Fangs puncture your skin, not deep, but enough that your body is thrown into a messy coil of nerves and adrenaline. It knows you could die like this, even if you’ve only ever called the vampire a mosquito to his face, and triggering a self-preservation instinct, your body trembles from the sudden blast of sensation.

Your pupils dilate further than they were, your skin becomes overly aware of every drop of sweat, every flutter of hair, every rub of flesh – and your fucking nerve-endings feel like static, as if brushed by lightning. 

Pleasure so-white hot it almost burns roars up your spine, slick coating his cock inside you, and you cry out. Wail in his ear. Begging him to make it better. To give you your release. The feel of his cock pounding up inside your now-overly ripe cunt brings tears to your eyes.

“Oh, fuck – fuck, fuck, fuck – Max, p-please –,”

“Can you handle it if I touch you?”

You shake your head. “Yes, yes, please, touch me.” 

“You can’t keep screaming like that,” he scolds you breathlessly, the punch of his hips bouncing you against his cheek. For all his vampire stamina, the flush of exertion across his cheeks is truly staggering and a triumph for your ego. Flecks of blood dot his mouth. “Someone’s going to come looking.” 

“I don’t care,” you groan, angling your hips to take more of him. His hand not on your back cups under your knee, tugging it higher up his torso. His pace is relentless, overwhelming – with his weight on top of you, and his cock up under you, inside you, you’re consumed by Max Phillips. “Whatever you do, d-don’t stop. Don’t stop.” 

“You scared I’m gonna?”

“Yes,” you whine. You can feel your heart pounding out its shape into your ribs. 

“Good girl. And good girls get to fucking come.”

Balancing your increasingly limp body, he holds you up right, his hand snaking beneath your skirt, between the sweat of your thighs and his torso, and –

He thumbs that buzzing bundle of nerves, “come for me, baby”, and you do. You come screaming, the tension snapping, vision sparkling with stars, and you are shoved over the edge. You don’t know you’re wailing his name until he comes too, all concern for getting caught seemingly gone as he begs you to continue as he fills you up with his pearly, gooey cum:

“That’s right, say my name. Say my fucking name, sweetheart.” 

His hips thrust weakly, some instinct choking him until he makes sure every drop of him stays in you. You’re going to be dripping for hours. 

His skin is fire-hot beneath his starched white shirt. You’ll be thinking about that for days afterward when you see him in the hallways of the office. 

This is what scares you the most. When you realize it's over and neither one of you want it to be. 

Shaking from exertion, Max slowly sets you down, unwinding your legs from his waist, your ankles trembling against the cold tile. You couldn’t imagine putting your nylons back on, the thought of that pressure against the curve of your lower stomach while you are so full of his cum practically unbearable. 

He lifts his head from your neck, eyes intentionally avoiding you as he inspects where he bit you, breath coming in ragged, long gasps. Sweat darkens the hair at his temple and that post-fuck blush is staggeringly gorgeous on him. He pricks his thumb on the sharp edge of his fangs and with a scarlet bead balanced on his thumb, he smears his blood against the puncture wounds, like someone would wipe dirt away from a loved one’s skin. 

It doesn’t really hurt, but the effects leave your neck tingling. You’d never say this out loud, but you fucking loved when he did that. 

He steps away without looking at you, giving you time to adjust your skirt, your hair in the mirror. You help him straighten his collar because it’s not like he can use the mirror to check himself.

He grins, the flush fading far too rapidly from his cheeks. 

“What are you going to tell them?” You nod to the stairs on the other side of the wall. “This can’t look good for us.” 

“You got attacked by a werewolf on the way to the bathroom. I saved you.” 

“Thought you said werewolves weren’t scary.”

He shakes his head, smirking, then presses a kiss to your temple. “Just said I was the bigger monster between the two of us.” 

“My hero.” You turn your head until his lips drink in yours. 

It is dangerous, your feelings for him. 

He taps you on the butt, pulling away. The lines around his eyes do an excellent job of masking the hurt in the brownness of his eyes. 

“Gimme five, then you come up. Can’t have you looking so completely debauched.”

He kisses you again, betraying whatever amounted to “cool and collected” he attempted for, and without another word, he slides out the door. 

His smell lingers in the air long after he does. The throbbing of your cunt also serves as a fantastically bitter reminder.

You go back to the mirror because yes, you could not have been more obvious if you were wearing a sign that said, “hi, yes, I did just get my back blown out.” You try to fold your hair around your ears at least a dozen times before pulling it back in what you hope to be a casual pony-tail. You toss your nylons into the trash can, pleading that the “oh, I tore them in the bathroom” excuse might hold an ounce of water. 

You think about what’s waiting for you a floor up and your stomach clenches. 

Fucking Max could upset the dynamics of your little group, your little Monster Squad. Whatever the stupid office bylines were, your happy-hour social group is one of the bright spots in your life, especially while working at a place run by those bastard Overlords. 

And Max knew that. He didn’t want to risk your long-term happiness for his short-term. 

Max didn’t scare you because he was a monster.

He scared you precisely because he wasn’t.

You open the bathroom door and return to the world. 

[rhiandoesfandom]

I saw a post (it was about Barbie princess and the pauper, but omg what a classic) and it said to bring back animated bloopers.

And by the gods would I give ANYTHING for a helluva boss short that's just animated bloopers from all the episodes.

Like Blitz fumbling his fucking gun. Stolas laughing and forgetting his lines. Moxxie messing up a word and Millie jokingly mocking him and everyone laughing. Loona in that one fight scene of Truth seekers when she's shooting that pink gun but instead accidentally says, "DIE MOTHER FLUFFERS" or some shit.

More that could happen:

Stella almost backhanding Stolas in that scene but before he can catch her arm she pulls it back and says, "I'm sorry, it's just so scary I don't want to!"

Octavia in loo loo land going, "Are you gonna leave him, I mean- me" and Stolas laughing. blitz from the background "HE BETTER NOT".

Striker saying, "Come on Blitz, we could be the biggest power couple in hell"

Blitz laughs, "That wasn't your line".

"But it made you hard huh"

"You FUCKR IM GONNA YEET YOU".

Then there's OZZIE AND FIZZ. The unlimited fucking animated bloopers potential with those two. Even with fucking Mammon would be hilarious.

Blitz and Fizz in their friend stance in front of those clown twins and instead of looking cool, Blitz throws his glasses and they fucking hit some person with the camera. Fizz covering his mouth cause he's trying not to laugh.

You have no idea how much I need this guys.

[funnyscienceman]

viktor likes having fun i think im pretty sure. he'll crack a joke at the first opportunity whether it's something he kept in his back pocket for a while or it just came to him on the spot. sky balking at him spending the night at the lab in s1 means late nights were not normal actually, the man had some semblance of a work-life balance. i think he hated having to watch the council do its council thing while being heimer's assistant and also he got free entertainment out of it because in some morbid fashion the piltovan government is deeply hilarious in its petty absurdity. viktor would respond to things with lol. lmao even. viktor could not keep a straight face if it wasnt 10000% important that he do so, he's so expressive in s1, he's snarky, we all know his grimace in heimer's lab and his awkward giddiness in jayce's apartment in ep3. viktor is emotional and i really cant think of a reason why he'd have a problem with that, nothing in s1 really. indicated that to me?

always thought the appeal of s1 viktor becoming MH was that after all the bullshit happens he tries to shed that part of himself that had fun and enjoyed things. he's so idealistic in s1a1. "scientists seek discoveries, ways to make the world a better place!" he's starry-eyed and he wants to help and he likes inventing shit so the hextech dream was the best of both worlds with the added bonus of having someone who Gets Him as a partner — and MH would have been the result of him and jayce fucking up in different ways and the pnz thing going past the boiling point and and yeah this was a viktor gushing post that turned into arcane crit again sorry. arcane s2 could be ehhh okay as an AU but as the canon it sucks and it also just sucks as a baseline. idk

league!vik and jayce became friends bec they met at a party and bonded over how much they didnt want to be there and also lowkey didnt like their batchmates. s1 jayvik was a fluffier(?) version of that. idek what happened in s2 the only semblance of in-character Viktor was at the very last scene. lol

[starscream-is-my-wife]

I feel like Skystar is so much more interesting when it's toxic/abusive. I'm not even a Skystar shipper but there's something about the way everyone be it the fandom or the characters themselves just see Skyfire as "Starscream's friend/boyfriend" or just an extension or accessory to him that I think isn't brought up a lot.

His entire existence and identity is just boiled down to an object and I really wish people would explore it.

Idk im just rambling fhdjjd, I need more Skyfire centric content that actually makes him a character

For some skyfire without starscream: I can think of a bunch of fun scenes of him with the autobots, He's a youngen from 9 million years ago, all of the outdated things he could say? Hilarious

Yeah Skyfire before to me was portrayed like a wish fulfillment that no matter how fucked up someone is they still deserve love, that they can be selfish and terrible and its not their fault because of their hardships and trauma while ignoring the trauma they gave everyone else, and at the end of the day, someone will still love and forgive them, and they can heal. Which is why I put such an emphasis on "he always was like this", sometimes terrible things happen to terrible people, but they're still terrible, and I think it's alot more interesting when Skyfire was fine if he was the only one getting hurt but the moment other people got hurt is when the doubt started to set in, I like the internal conflict more then the "yeah hes bad but it's all because of megatron so once he's gone and starscream says sorry all of our problems are solved" (Edit: I was trying to say that the first tends to ignores Skyfire and his wants and feelings, rereading this I realize I was vague)

It's a shame the original plot of fire on the mountain got scrapped I was curious about how Thundercracker would interact with Skyfire, would Skyfire see himself as Thundercracker?

[goatpaste]

he was just kinda a bitch about everything then died in a stupid way! sorry blonde idiot, be more enjoyable next time

May I ask why do you hate Caesar so much? Nothing against it just curious

just not that into guys with a stick up their ass

[the-troll-book-of-mormon]

@davekatweek day 1: plush!

in which dave does not want anything remotely puppet-like to watch the proceedings

(+ my rushed attempt at dialogue below)

DAVE: hey karkat sorry to totally crush your wildest selfcest dreams here but do you think maybe we could put that cool guy away before we go any further here

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: your squishy dude over there with the sideways mohawk

DAVE: lil kat

KARKAT: ARE YOU REFERRING TO MY CUSHION EFFIGY?

DAVE: ok theres absolutely no way thats actually the troll word for plushies but ill let it slide without completely derailing the conversation this time

DAVE: yes that guy

DAVE: could we maybe do this without him watching

DAVE: idk something about the way hes been staring at me with those big yellow depression eyes is just killin my vibe

KARKAT: WOW DAVE, REALLY GLAD THAT AFTER ALL THIS TIME YOU FINALLY FOUND IT WITHIN THE ECHOING CAVERNS OF YOUR HOLLOW PUMP BISCUIT TO TELL ME THAT MY "DEPRESSION EYES" ALLEGEDLY "KILL YOUR VIBE".

KARKAT: ANY OTHER COMPLAINTS YOU WANT TO GET OFF YOUR NUB WHILE YOU'RE ALREADY SCUTTLING YOUR EFFRONTERY GASH?

DAVE: dude what

DAVE: thats totally different

DAVE: i love your depression eyes you know i love your depression eyes

KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW, DAVE, IS THIS A THING THAT I KNOW?

KARKAT: YOU DON'T THINK THERE COULD BE ANYTHING CONFUSING ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE CLAIMING TO "LOVE" AN ANATOMICAL FEATURE OF MINE THAT YOU SIMULTANEOUSLY FIND SO DISGUSTING THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BRING YOURSELF TO ENGAGE IN CONCUPISCENT ACTIVITIES IN ITS PRESENCE?

KARKAT: ONCE AGAIN I AM COMPLETELY MYSTIFIED BY THE BOUNDLESS GENIUS OF YOUR ATROPHYING SPONGE. HOW COULD I EVER HOPE TO KEEP UP?

DAVE: holy shit dude i cannot believe this is actually something youre stuck on

DAVE: this is a real unfortunate time to be getting into this but maybe its because your depression eyes are attached to the real life body of my sexy as fuck boyfriend and i can look at them and not get the weird fucking heebie jeebies about being watched or secretly filmed

KARKAT: OH.

DAVE: i mean look hes cute and all and on the one hand its genuinely hilarious that in a way were fulfilling plush karkats voyeuristic fantasies that he inherited from you

KARKAT: HEY!

DAVE: but on the other its kinda jarring that every time i glance up and see his weird little fabric face im getting flashbanged by my kid selfs fucked up programming and for a split second its like im seeing something completely different

DAVE: so yeah nothing wrong with his depression eyes specifically its just that theyre eyes and theyre not real and somehow that makes it way more real

DAVE: like maybe someone somehow snuck a webcam in there just now when i wasnt looking

DAVE: which doesnt actually make sense because first of all why

DAVE: and second of all im always keeping my eye out for that sort of thing anyway so i would definitely notice before we got this far

DAVE: but all this dumb shit just makes it kinda hard to focus on the actual depression bedroom eyes right in front of my face

DAVE: not to mention the rest of this effigy im tryin to get my ganderbulbs and prongs all over

KARKAT: OKAY I GET IT, STOP TRYING TO DISTRACT ME FROM THE FEELINGS JAM BY APPROPRIATING TROLL VERNACULAR.

KARKAT: I'LL PUT HIM IN THE OTHER ROOM.

...

i had more of the scene i could write, but it was getting long and im already late for day 1! maybe one day i'll actually write out a scene and post it on ao3

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

sorry for being super late to the zhuge liang time-loop party but image we're several iterations in and our boy kongming is sitting in his little mountain hut waiting for liu bei to show up like he always does but this time sun zhou yu turns up instead

oh ho this is a hilarious concept! this is the enemies to enemies timeline we all need. i think it would make more sense for lu su and zhou yu to turn up, because of the simple reason that sun quan is a duke at this point and can't leave the palace for such an extended period of time vs liu bei the one-horse warlord.

ok, the timeline needs to be super fucked up at this stage in order to bring these two togather, because in the alpha timeline even though kongming was fairly well known as a genius hermit, he hasn't done anything so extraordinary at this stage that it warrents a personal visit from the two most powerful people in the southland.

i think we can do this by making him kinda new to the whole timeloop thing, and he accidentally/on purpose reveals some future events in order to get liu bei to find him faster, and it ends up backfiring.

picture this: kongming is sitting in his thatched hut, tears in his eyes, heart all a-flutter, waiting for his beloved leige lord to turn up, and the servant is like "master, there's three important men at the door" (idk who the third guy should be but it's a nice round number. maybe huang gai?) kongming: !!!! "ok, I will play some music to set the mood. i was rude last time by falling asleep and i want to make a good impression."

not even 3 bars in and a VERY familiar voice calls out "you're flat."

kongming is so fucking outraged that for a second he forgets to be surprised because that was ONE HALF-STEP DOWN, ASSHOLE!!!! YOU trying getting reincarnated and deincarnated several times over and then meet your soulmate (he called liu bei that irl, look it up) and see how steady your hands are, asshole!!! god, this is just like wei wuxian from my danmeis...

then it dawns on him that none of the peach garden trio have musical literacy. he runs outside, takes one look at the three men in his courtyard and is like "well, this timeline is a wash. aight im gonna go out back and bash my head in. on second thought, i should do it here and freak zhou yu out. suicidal existential despair is no excuse not to troll zhou yu."

but the afformentioned takes this opportunity to stroll into kongming's bedroom, and starts tuning his qin (not a euphamism) without permission. kong ming says passive-agressively, "i see you're quite adept at tightening another man's strings" (not a euphamism), zhou yu replies "a neglected instrument is like a neglected soul" (not a euphamism), "are you offering to duet?" says kongming through gritted teeth to which zhou yu replies "oh don't worry, i can see you're out of practise so i'll be gentle and take it slow," (not a--) and it's at this point lu su grabs huang gai by the elbow and goes "wow, what a nice bamboo grove! the two of us are going for a walk! a nice LONG walk FAR AWAY in the BAMBOO GROVE for THIRTY TO FORTY MINUTES! see you in THIRTY TO FORTY MINUTES!"

huang gai: i literally spent 30 years in the army you don't need all these euphamisms.

lu su: LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SCENIC RUSTLING OF THE BAMBOO!

*insert that scene from Flirting Scholar where zhou yu and kongming start fighting, they roll under a table, there is a brief skirmish, and they come out with their clothes swaped. they are playing doubles on a single qin the entire time.*

[cicidarkarts]

GURLLL IM SO GLAD IVE FOUND ANOTHER IDREES SIMP/FANGIRL, HES BEEN ONE OF MY MORE GUILTY HEAR ME OUTS.... 😔 NO BUT SERIOUSLY THOOO...ARE WE GONNA TALK ABT HOW IDREES LOOKED IN THESE SCENES CAUSE LIKEEE... 🤭🤭

LIKE...SIR-- 😳😳

Naah bro he's hot as fuuuck idec what people say. I'm not saying he was right or anything he did is excusable, I'm just saying I would smash. And you know what? Fuck it, this is the Idrees Mega Comp where I'mma put all the screenshots and gifs I've amassed, flattering and unflattering, just full on Idrees deliciousness. Here we go 😩😩😩

(Warning: 18+, might be offensive, I WILL fangirl all over the place, Taliban Schmaliban)

Let's start with the more flattering and cute screens

The BROW 😭😭 So cute, I love how much personality his eyebrow has, fucking adorable

Not a pleasant scene, but fuck I want me to be under this so bad (I'm sorry but I'm also not I wanna be under him SO BAD I'm dying)

Lowkey hot as fuck, I love his little chipped tooth 🥰🥰

The way he went so muted and walked off after this scene says a lot without saying anything (last pic some emo album art lookin uuuugggggh bro knows he royally fucked up and I don't think he's happy about it)

I thirsted over these pics so hard I fangirled all over myself

There is something about this smirking face that has me so fucked up, I would love for him to look at me this way 😩😩💦💦

The back of his head lookin hella 👃👃 and the back of his neck lookin extremely 👅👅👅 I have a thing with hair sniffing (pray for my irl husband (yes he knows about Idrees and no he doesn't care)) and like to imagine Idrees smells like masculine shampoo (cedar, sandalwood, teak, a little artemisia profile) with a hint of fenugreek 😍😍😍💕💕

The end of the movie where he finally sits with all his regrets, realizing he has truly fucked up and there's no going back. The fact that this entire part of the movie, from the time he accidentally discharges his gun to the time he's carted away, is utterly *silent* outside of his uncle's berating lines and Idrees' heavy breathing is eerie and chilling

(30 image limit so enjoy this collage!)

That bio was truly invented to fuck with the fangirls there is no other reason for it to exist 😭😭😭

What do you say we get into some screens that are fucking hilarious?

Bro is flabbergasted. Surprised Idrees face. Idrees when he sees that I've been unequivocally indissociably obsessed with him for nearly 12 months straight. Me when I haven't done dishes in 2 days and the sink looks like Chernobyl. When you wake up and realize you have to exist.

HELP HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S BEING BIRTHED, ACCURATE DEPICTION OF IDREES COMING OUT OF THE WOMB

SOBBING WHY HE LOOK LIKE THAT, GOLLUM LOOKIN ASS MF It hurtses us

And let's have a little gif compliation yaaaas 😩😩😩

Sexy as FUCK bro this isn't even fair. This is literally just fangirl bait like they had NO reason to draw him this attractive outside of fucking with the fangirls. And then people are gonna be mad when I find him hot. This is bullshit, this is sabotage

Look I KNOW I'm not supposed to find it cute or endearing, but the way he delivered the line "I have joined the Taliban" is fucking adorable, sue me

My pathetic wet cat of a man

The detail of the way he grips his gun as everything crashes down upon him just 😩😩😩😩 It's so good, THIS is why I'm writing an Idrees redemption arc and why I'm sooooo obsessed with this man

Yoink

The little detail of his brow raising in incredulity at the utter audacity he's just heard 🥰🥰🥰 Love the animation in this movie fr fr

He's trying SO hard to be intimidating (and this gif really is like goddamn I would be terrified of this irl)

The classic brick'd gif

And I would like to end this post with a lovely little present one of my friends made for me after I said, and I quote, "Taliban Schmaliban, Idrees is so hot". This has become part of my vernacular now

Look all I'm saying is if god didn't want me thirsting over Idrees so much he could've stopped me by now. But I looooove Idrees to an unhealthy degree and I don't ever want to stop 🖤🖤🖤🖤 He is my husband. Hope you enjoyed this mega comp!!

[ngray192]

CHAOS THEORY SEASON TWO IS OUT!!!! As you all expected, I watched it all in one sitting and wrote notes on everything! Under the cut is my train of thought and commentary on the season, and no, you will not be given context for anything that I wrote.

- omg I’ve been waiting all dayyyyy

- Raptor lady is gone, I wonder who the new villain is.

- I wonder if this is gonna tie into Dominion at all

- Boat!!

- Shoutout to Nick “Rocket” Rodriguez

- I’m sorry did they make a hammock in here????

- Only Sammy can make a shipping container into a home

- Yaz I love you

- Yasammyyyyyyy ugh they’re adorable

- I knew it was a baryonyx!!!

- Kenjis so sad

- Why is he throwing lettuce into the ocean?

- Like five minutes in and there’s so many small yasammy moments

- Ex-kon was hilarious, you guys just don’t get it

- LET HIM COPE

- Yaz and Kenji moment!!!!

- Therapist Yaz is my favorite

- I love her development and growth omg

- Hybrid Dino??

- Kenji Kon, stop leaving the container

- A storms brewing

- Why is there just an open crate of lettuce?

- Bro you’re wasting so much lettuce

- They were in Louisiana last season?

- How tf have you not been caught?

- The water animationnnn

- Oh shit

- Ben please don’t get shocked again

- Ngl I’d offer to help too

- Yaz and Kenji in their besties era

- BUMPYS EGG

- Is that a baryonyx?

- DID IT DIE???

- Two?!

- The ashes from the fire animation is wild

- Yes saves the Dino eggs

- Oh fuck this is kinda graphic I love it

- This gives the same vibes as the actual movies and I’m all for it

- Bro that parasarolaphus (I cannot spell) looks scary af

- Sammy running to Yaz for Yasammy, Ben running to Kenji?????

- Lets see a person die

- Aaaaah it’s the scene from the clip I saw!!!!

- Such a cool chase scene

- BUMPYS EGG

- KENJI STOP

- He didn’t help you, he saved your fucking life

- Are we gonna get a “Kenji is suicidal” arc???

- Tell me why I was actually worried? They’re not gonna kill Kenji

- Brotherss

- Those eggs should be scrambled wtf

- A lot of Yaz and Kenji moments I’m here for it

- Open up, PLEASE

- Oh shitttt

- He’s not gonna tell anyone, is he?

- THE MEMORIAL IM CRYING

- Solid first episode

Episode 2

- “marooned five”

- The light shining from the clouds??? Beautiful

- Ok, this is a valid “not telling the group the truth” plot line, he doesn’t wanna distract them and be wrong

- I’m sorry, who tf are you people??

- Wait is this small child gonna join the group??

- Please don’t be a big part of the show, I wanna focus on Camp Fam

- Are the dinosaurs protecting her? I love that

- What kinda Dino is that? Gallimimus? Struithominous?

- Did they change clothes or just take off their jackets?

- Omg they can’t split into 3 groups of 2 anymore

- Yasammy side mission!!!

- I love Kenji omg

- They’re such brothers, I love it

- Same old dino nerd

- Why are you not concerned that people are on your property?

- Why would you just tell her a large portion of your plan??

- I kinda want this lady to be evil

- Can we get a name for this girl soon?

- No she found the eggs!!!

- Why tf would you take it from the bush and leave it out in the open?

- Do you need service to play a video like that?

- Also you can def show the group just the thumbnail for the video and they’ll see her

- They’re so goofy, I love them.

- I was right, it is a gallimimus!!

- It’s like a dino-mill upriver

- Damnit, you guys just fucked up the balanced ecosystem here

- Cool ass dino omg

- The colors on herrrr

- Please don’t fall out of a tree

- The rice nooooo

- It’s a suchomimus

- Stop trying to fix things omg

- I’m sorry but I don’t care about the mom and daughter

- “Off-brand alligator”

- I love how Yasammy is usually Team Distraction

- Darius is so fast wtf

- Rock climber Kenji

- MOVE KENJI

- HES SO STUPID AND BEING SO DANGEROUS

- They are kicking that Suchomimus’s ass omg

- His voice is so much deeper than in CC

- Screenshot and show the rest of the group the picture of Brooklyn omfg

- Animata and Zayna

- SHOW THEM

- SHOW THEMMMMMM

- UGH

- I hate you

- Captain Kenji!!

- Ngl this season isn’t as interesting as season 1, but hopefully it’ll get better

Episode 3

- This episode is titled “Clever Girl 86”

- Brooklyn!!!

- And freshly amputated damn

- YOU “stitched her up” AT HOME???

- Aww a compy lost its foot?

- I love when people in shows have realistic reactions

- She drove a motorcycle??

- Video call!!

- I don’t like that jacket

- Clevergirl86 is someone from Dark Jurassic, maybe Ronnie??

- Ok, so this is the day they broke up?

- I should’ve finished rewatching it he first season

- Oh is it love confession time?

- He’s such a bad liar

- No, it’s different with Ben because they’re IN love

- Girl don’t say “unless…”

- Yikes

- I love how you can see the reflections on screens, it’s so cool

- Account was hacked???

- It doesn’t look like enough of her arm is gone

- Is this a full Brooklyn episode? It’s only episode 3

- Ronnie is definitely a lesbian

- Alcohol will take the edge off, let’s get hammered

- I hate the pixie cut, I’m sorry

- Awww Gordon

- OVER 60??

- Her dads are in town for the funeral???

- This is so sad

- She still acts like Brooklyn

- Wow, never mind a lot of her arm is gone

- Kill the DPW guy

- Stab him, you’re dead you can’t be put on trial for murder

- I refuse to believe Raptor Lady speaks to people on the phone

- Ok, but staying dead was kind smart

Episode 4

- the dino liberators are here

- He’s trying to be Kenji and I don’t like it

- Why wear masks if you’re just gonna take them off and use your real names?

- A trust fund? Earnest is fr just Kenji but worse and mixed with a little bit of Dave

- Syd?

- The animation is gorgeous

- OUTFIT CHANGES???

- Her username is Esther Stone

- Nosey ass kid

- Yaz looks so cute!!!

- Do not take the child with you

- Please tell us what happened with Sammy’s family

- Nooooo don’t go with the group

- They all look like their faces and bodies changed when they changed clothes

- Ok, she’s still in America

- Are they gonna kill them???

- THEY TOOK GEBA

- Why tf is Kenji wearing those shoes?

- THEY KNOCKED HIM TF OUT

- The camera shaking as the dinos run out? I love it

- She’s a pretty good actress

- God I fucking hate this guy

- Why are the dinosaurs so sad?

- I don’t care about this child and her dinosaurs

- UHGHGHRHGGHHHHH I DONT WANT THIS CHILD HERE. IT IS A CAMP FAM SHOW

- Why is he being a dick all of a sudden?

- Dubai?

- She’s just like Ben dropping her phone in the water

Episode 5

- such a pretty show omg

- Sammy is such mom-material

- She’s 14???

- They’re back to their old outfits, sigh

- Why did they split up Darius, Sammy, Zayna and Kenji, Yaz, and Ben?

- Same old Ben

- Girl, the six of you lived together on an island for six months, privacy does NOT exist with this group

- Omg do you think it’s the girl from JW Dominion?

- “Damning”

- THE GADDY, DADDYS GADDY FROM SEASON 3

- How many close call sneaking scenes are we gonna have?

- Is it the girl from Dominion?

- Stop being weird about her missing limb??

- There’s no way Ben has cell service rn

- Not him using Yasminas head to get around the boat

- I love his little dino imitations

- This reminds me of JWCC season 1 episode 6 or 7 with the kayaks

- Ok, yeah it is the raptor girl from JW Dominion

- All around the globe?

- Oh fuck

- Come on, Sammy get the gun!

- KENJI WTF

- STOP

- The way her bangs move when she shakes her head, I love her

- Did the raptor press the elevators buttons what

- She’s kinda bad at painting

- Oh shitttt

- Is she the one hunting the kids?

- This penthouse chase scene is good

- Girl is not good at running from dinos

- The way she immediately puts the same arm up is a nice detail

- Girl you are not cut out for being on this journey with this group

- They were taking all the risks on those islands

- I’m not really getting anything marked on my bingo card

- TELL THEM

Episode 6

- what is in the water? Cause i doubt it’s the mossasaurus

- Awww a hippo

- Wait hippos are crazy dangerous

- Reminds me of the paras during the kayak episode in CC Season 1

- Zayna def should’ve known hippos are dangerous af

- “Dirtbag”

- You’re wasting all your food

- Throw the mangoes further omg

- KENJIN KON YOU ARE SO STUPID

- The details in the animationnnnnnughhgugggh

- Ben’s lips look so chapped omg

- I hate this child

- A lot of fire this season

- I don’t think she’s the Broker, I think there’s someone bigger

- Sammy needs to become a mom

- YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE CELL SERVICE HERE

- Oumars dead babe

- She’s vegetarian??

- OMG

- IS THAT A DEAD BODY????

- WTF

- They’re all so stressed out

- You’re gonna make her anxiety come back, let her breathe

- Brooklyn, wtf are you doing?

- Kill her

- Sucho number 2

- KENJI

- Don’t hide Yaz wtf

- Oh fuck that had to hurt

- THEYRE GONNA LEAVE HER BEHIND

- Lame, should’ve killed her

- They were 13 on the island?

- I guess she is the broker?

- Ok, girl nobody believes you

- Don’t give her the laser pointer

- IS HIS SHOULDER DISLOCATED

- BRO WTF

- They never would’ve shown half of this shit in JWCC

- YES NOW TURN BACK AND GET YAZ

- Oh she’s knocked tf out

Episode 7

- only a few more left

- Give her a break omg shits always happening to her

- Why is it taking so long for them to get back to her??

- … I guess the Sucho won

- I feel like the boats are much faster than going on foot?

- Also the current is not that strong

- Damn Sammy’s kinda scary when she’s worried about her wife

- Fuck this Sucho fr

- I wish we got more Ben and Darius this season, even just as friends

- Why are Kenji and Ben being so awkward??

- Darius does NOT know how to talk to children but he’s trying so hard

- Once again, the animation is gorgeous

- I love him

- I don’t like Zayna

- She’s real af for that though

- Yaz has a head injury and is climbing up trees rn, girlboss

- OH SHIT

- That lowkey scared me

- LEAVE HER ALONE

- THAT KICK OMG

- Girl is struggling

- I love a good Yaz-forward episode

- I love the way the eyes shine when the flashlights are on them

- Awww Kenji

- Benji?

- Aww Darius protecting Zayna

- “Oh jeez, oh jeez, oh jeez” I love him

- They are just beating the shit out of the local wildlife and I love it

- LIONS?!?

- This girl does not know everything omg

- Water and land are dangerous, you would’ve had problems either way

- Give her a break omfg

- IT CAN SWIM?!

- Yaz’s plot armor is absurd

- She needs to get back to her girlfriend, she is cold, wet, tired, injured

- You have paddles?? At least you should

- What dino is this?

- The dino fights are crazy this season

- You’re doing all of this in sandals??

- … at least you don’t have to worry about the Sucho anymore

- KENJI YOU RUINED THE MOMENT

- “My girl” STOPPPPP

- They’re so in love

- ITS DAYTIME???

- Probably my favorite episode so far

Episode 8

- this is 2 parter??

- I love how they all just know how to steer a boat???

- Awww Kenji protecting Yaz

- I love Sammy

- How tf can they hear a generator that far away??

- YES LEAVE HER BEHIND

- Girl

- Kenji is the older brother ever

- Oh shit a dino

- The chase scenes are good this season

- Kenji, stop IT

- Finally

- This is so sad

- Yasmina “not a hugger” Fadoula

- They’re so in sync

- Monolophasaurs?

- Benji are probably thriving rn be fr

- I love Ben

- Sammy’s so dorky I love it

- Oh my gosh

- Baby dino factory

- I hate Zayna, like I know she’s a kid but she’s annoying (I’m 17, I’m allowed to dislike children)

- Goodbye captain lang, damn

- Yasammy have not kissed ONCE this season (maybe they have, I’m not sure)

- They all take care of Zayna and that’s cute

- Yaz holding Sammy like that is adorable

- DO NOT SPLIT UP

- Why is Zayna the only person in this show with pierced ears?

- They should form a cheerleading team the way they’re lifting her

- Is this a dino fighting arena?

- IT HAS NO EYES

- This scene is actually so interesting

- FUCKING IDIOT GIRL

- Darius is the fucking king of sliding through small gaps

- Team Distraction for the win

- That is a child, why do you care if she thinks you’re cool or not??

- BRO SHOULD NOT BE ALIVE AFTER THAT FALL

- Kenjis still wearing those ugly ass shoes

- I love Ben

- WHY DID SHE JUST WALK IN THERE???

- SHE TOOK THE EGGS

- That was a good episode

Episode 9

- part 2

- That phone is huge

- Why are you having the one-armed girl drive?

- You shouldn’t trust her

- Dr. Sarr?

- Rewrite the genetic code??

- They’re still referred to as kids and I love it

- I do like episodes where I get to piece together a timeline

- What is this fucking music in the background?

- Oh shit she was working the crate and shit

- Seeing this all from her pov is kinda boring

- I was lowkey hoping for a more dramatic reveal

- I actually like how dark this season is and how every bad guy character is bad

- Oh my gosh

- Damnit Brooklyn you should’ve let her fall

- I don’t really like that we keep repeating the same scenes, but only slightly different

- It’s fine to split the Fam up like this, but we need to stop focusing on Brooklyn, I wanna go back to Ben and Kenji or Yasammy and Darius, split it up like we did in CC

Episode 10

- here we go, final episode

- Kenji needed that

- He def needed to release that anger

- I think we need to let Kenji kill someone

- Wtf how is he still alive?

- Baryonyxes are so cool

- Awww the dinosaurs are bonding

- It’s like the scene with the raptors and the hybrid in Jurassic Park 2 or 3

- I’m too invested to write notes lmao

- Those night vision sunglasses are kinda cool

- Fuck that kinda scared me

- Where is Zaynas dad?

- This season is lowkey scary

- How does her phone still have power? It’s been like 4 days

- Someone should’ve brought a gun

- They cannot hear you saying “I’m coming” in a normal volume be fr

- Ben and Kenji have been alone together way too much to not kiss

- Oh, there’s Zaynas dad

- WHERE ARE KENJI AND BEN

- Where did that car come from??

- Bro all of a sudden went into Tokyo Drift mode

- Kentrosaurus?

- Who let Kenji drive??

- There’s still so much to wrap up

- Biosyn??

- Wait does this take place before Dominion then?

- Ok, but BUMPYS EGG IS STILL IN THERE

- She def took bumpys egg out

- See? I know everything

- Oh, wait that’s it??

- I have mixed feelings.

[couchsterfield]

i am very guilty of reading american psycho solely on the text/surface level stuff, like how i focus alot on characters and relationships like with McDermott and Price, when the whole point of those characters are to be part of this shallow and uncharacteristic culture, that they actually shouldn't even HAVE any charm to them at all, and obviously-- they are yuppies!! they are racists, misogynists, homophobes and its shown multiple times how they tease and humiliate homeless people.

so obviously i dont "like" these characters in the same way i like.. idk vash the stampede or whoever, because actually they can all go fuck fheirselves!! Im actively MISSING the POINT by focusing or being entertained by the people around Bateman since they are supposed to faceless interchangeable characters that dont matter

but still, i cant help but be entertained by all of their social interactions and i dont know WHY 😭 even the scenes that are meant to showcase how boring shallow and materialistic they are fails to bore me and im instead gigglimg at everything

like van patten constantly saying "we have like zero point zero zero zero zero one decimal percent of getting aids" or whatever is so funny cus girl shut up and eat ur food😭😭

and you cant sit here and tell me craig mcdermott's being so insanely funny as someone interchangeable LIKE SORRY but bob farrell cannot start chanting red snapper pizza like craig mcdermott can ✋

biggest example is the chapter "another night" where they spend like 4 hours trying to get a reservation. ITS SO FUNNY IMNSORRY..!! like the ridiculousness of it all just makes it so hilarious, like guys its never that serious.......

And i could write SO much about the depth of tim price as a character?? like hes just supposed to be this guy of higher status that patrick looks up to but all that is implied characterizes him alot !!??

I dont know.. again, i dont have that media literacy to read the subtext , (i mean OBVIOUSLY i can figure out the story being the critique of the overconsumption and materialism of yuppie culture and bateman being a result of it ) and it does sorta guilt me to be giggling over an interaction or a relationship between characters especially since everyone disregards these characyers as just faceless nothingness in batemans life, like no im not supposed to read the dialogue so literally they are meant to be filler empty conversations that mean nothing

But yeah i still love reading about these characters, idk what my main takeaway is, i guess tldr: i understand the point of these characters, i dont condone any of them actually but i still enjoy them

[erijuice]

appreciation post for the little mermaid (2023) 🧜‍♀️🐠🌊

i can still remember the massive global hype for the live-action little mermaid because it was one of the very few live-action remakes that had the potential to be something great.

in may 2023, all eyes, i mean ALL EYES were on halle bailey. she was the most perfect person to portray ariel. her operatic, otherworldly singing voice, her adorable charm, her youthful spirit, but also her feistiness and passion. she carried the right mix of sweetness and fierceness to play ariel. i'm so happy this movie gave her a massive boost in popularity, and people got to appreciate her wonderful voice and her spirit. i hope she gets to show the movie to her son when he's older!

when she first got casted, im not sure if i remember how i felt but i had this feeling of surprise, i was like "YESSS FINALLY HALLE BAILEY IS GONNA DOMINATE THE WORLD!!!". i've always known chloe x halle since 2016, so i was going to be ride-or-die for this movie, and for halle. taking on such an iconic 35-year-old character carried a huge responsibility, and i'm so relieved the disney fandom embraced her with open arms.

the first time i saw the movie in a theater, i was in awe of rob marshall's directing and the melodious amalgam of alan menken and lin manuel miranda's combined sounds. it was the very first time they've collaborated for anything! (and yes i'm still mad that triton's new song got cut from the movie).

now, the "part of your world" scene. holy god. where do i even start with this? this was FUCKING INCREDIBLE. it's a song that everyone can relate to in so many ways. when i first saw the scene during d23 expo night in 2022, i was completely floored. halle bailey perfectly balanced all these emotions of joy, curiosity, passion, anger, frustration and discomfort, wanting for things to change, desperate to leave her world behind. it was a passionate plea, a desperate cry for help. she was shouting it out into the universe, everything she wanted for her life and her future, and everything that made ariel as a character. one of the top tier movie scenes of 2023 for me.

im so happy disney casted another unknown actor in jonah hauer-king, his solo song "wild uncharted waters" was everything! the chemistry between jonah and ariel was just so charming and i cried big time, i almost wanted to jump out of my seat when they kissed. OH AND THAT SCENE WHERE ARIEL GOT ERIC TO PRONOUNCE HER NAME WAS JUST UGGHHHH SO CUTE.

daveed diggs was freaking hilarious as thomas jefferson in hamilton, he was the true comedic backbone of the movie (sorry awkwafina). his portrayal of sebastian was younger, more original, i love his version more. i also love the all the added lore in the movie, from the coral moon to the mermaids' siren songs to the brother-sister relationship of triton and ursula. you can learn more about the worldbuilding in the tie-in guide to merfolk book.

all in all, to me, the live-action little mermaid meant everything to me, as a black girl who loved the original animated movie since childhood, and as a disney fan who believed in this re-adaptation from the very adapation. in spite of everything, i still have some pretty high hopes for snow white. rachel zegler and halle bailey will always be my disney princesses.

GOD BLESS YOU ROB MARSHALL FOR THIS MASTERPIECE!!

[blazingstar29]

Top Gun Workouts - Slider

Everyone’s favourite [living] RIO

Disclaimer: I’m not a PT. In this series i break down characters muscle composition and how i think they’d exercise, if this may trigger you feel free to enjoy my other general shit posting!

Find the rest of the series under #top gun workouts :) So far there’s Mav and Ice

Slider is is also very interesting in his muscular make up. He’s tall, about 6’2 (?) and this DOES matter but not how you think and it’s something I’ll get into in more detail with Goose. Also keep in mind a lot of shirtless photos of Slider are during the volleyball scene so the actors will be in peak physique and probably have done some exercise before shooting to give themselves a ‘pump’.

I know forearms are a big deal for some of y’all and you’re right to be obsessed with them. Hold out out your arm in front of you as if you’re reaching for something. Does your for arm flex like Slider’s? Some might, some won’t. But for the hollow above the inside of your elbow to appear at the same time as the muscle at the top of your forearm (the sort facing the ceiling) that’s actually very impressive. It’s a combination of low body fat and muscle.

Sir, put them pits away. It’s pretty blurry but the concave of the arm pit, huge lateral bulge, front deltoid and shoulder are flexed here but even so, that doesn’t appear by itself.

Slider’s got a low body fat. Flexed on the left and relaxed on the right you can see his muscling pretty clear. Like with Maverick, we see those obliques. Unlike Mav, Slider’s got a slightly narrower waist. And those boulder shoulders are ginormous, well done Rick. His traps aren’t super big which makes sense when we look at his legs in a minute.

Everyone say thank you Rick for the effort he put in flying into sand and those arms. Full, well defined shoulders, good biceps and impeccable triceps. Yes flexed, no less impressive. Rick knows what hes doing in the gym. In the bottom photo you see those lats and scapular being flexed which shows us the muscle composition nicely. But like everyone, there’s thing that he didn’t focus on as much.

Slider please work on your legs. I’m kidding but it’s interesting to see that he’s got lean legs but next to know muscling. I have a theory for this but it’s more applicable to Goose so I’ll go into detail there with him. Something I’m noticing about the cast is that they don’t have huge chests. Like, these dudes are pretty built but they’re chests aren’t. Especially if you take a look at these guys either side of Goose.

Probably the typical 80’s lads. Beefier and more built chests. Perhaps there was a focus for the cast to have big stereotypical dude arms? I feel mean calling picking a part their lack of muscling in some areas but there is very few pectoral muscles on stand out in the cast. Hollywood and Ice perhaps being the only ones. Maybe a creative choice for the cast to focus on the ‘hotter’ parts of their body but also may have been a fitness trend in then80’s?

I hate to say it but the tag “Ron Slider Kener’s tits” isn’t…I’m sorry guys but these are not certified jugs im SORRY (I’m kidding, use that tag it’s hilarious and i love it)

Now onto what sort of exercise Slider would do? I have some ideas and a lot of them are built around this.

Slider you are a show OFF. This is a body building pose if I’m not mistake. He’s doing the vacuum stomach to flex his abs and angling his arms to show them off. Body building is time consuming and requires a certain diet so I don’t think Slider would be purposefully training whilst, I think he may have dabbled in it during College where he had a bit more freedom. Regardless he puts a lot into his physique.

Further more:

That’s an ankle wrap, now this might just be ankle support for beach volleyball but let me tell you something. If you’ve sprained your ankle badly, and I mean badly, that shit fucks you up for life if you don’t rehab it right. Now again, this may just be for support because both Ice and Slider have the same wrap on the same foot, but taking into account Slider’s lack of muscle on his legs, there’s a potential injury there. Which if you ever need to shunt Slider away out of a story, it’s a good option lmao (guilty as charged.)

If he’s not deadlifting then that may contribute to not having huge trapezoids. For how built his shoulders are I expected them to be bigger. I understood with Ice because his overall physique is just different but Slider confuses me.

Okay, now the actual exercises:

Back, bi’s and tri’s BABY. Over and over and over. They are his pride and joy.

Wide grip bicep barbell curls, hammer curls, arnold press, lateral raises. Tricep dips, tricep cable extensions. Anything and everything.

Rowing, either on the water or on a rowing machine. It takes the weight off his ankle. Potentially cycling too but he’d likely have bigger calves.