#second of all what will it take for me to be besties with trish and nita because they sound HILARIOUS

[ravensmadreads]

LISTEN TO ME-

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Ok i got nothing

the only thing we have to fuck is fear itself

rating: 18+

pairing: max phillips x f!reader

word count: 5309

summary: You get drunk at a happy hour and tell Max to his face you don’t find him scary at all. He takes that personally.

warnings/tags: drinking, like two seconds of scary vibes, smut, (secret) established relationship, work hard, play hard, have secret sex with your coworker even harder

a/n: I’m so sorry to FDR for butchering his quote for the sake of a title, but i like to think that horny bastard would have loved my smut.

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Despite working at a place that was quite literally soul-sucking, your coworkers could throw one hell of a happy-hour. 

There wasn’t a bartender in a ten mile radius from the office who didn’t know you all by name, didn’t shout a greeting over the tightly-packed house the instant you walked in. Rarely was it just a single crew member at the bars – you often got accused of moving in a pack like a five-headed hydra that could drink double its own weight in liquor, beer, and frosés – and being only two-fifths human, the Monster Squad was an alcoholic force to be reckoned with.

Maybe because you actively promoted unity amongst the species, like poster children for positive and “non-toxic human-demon relationships” HR kept encouraging in their Monday-Funday email blasts, but your little group was something of a legend in the area. You thought any notoriety was more likely due more to your faces plastered all over the bars’ trivia night winner boards, but in the office, people tended to stare. Trish, a siren from Santa Barbara, loved the attention, said it was good for her skin – gave her a “dewy” look. Nita, the only other human in your group besides you, disagreed with Ken (a quarter leprechaun on his mother’s side) when Ken claimed the whispering came from the sheer volume of nonsense that started around 4PM in the office on Fridays and continued until you all left the office. Ken was of the belief that the notoriety was actually infamy – to which he was promptly booed and had to buy the next round. 

And yet, to yourself, to the quiet conversations you had in the bathroom mirror after two long island ice teas and whatever was in what the centaur bartender at Lucky’s called an “Ass Whooping”, you suspected there might be another reason the Monster Squad even had a name at all. Within your own fields, each of you were respectable – Ken and Trish were both heads of marketing and Nita oversaw a considerable team of engineers, with you of course a department leader over in legal – one member of your group was, let’s say, more well-known. 

Well-known because he was the flashiest, the loudest, and certainly the most demonic of you all: Max Phillips, VP of sales, money-maker extraordinaire, and a fan-favorite amongst your Overlords, the rest of the sales team, and anyone with working and interested sex organs in the near vicinity. 

To your complete and utter annoyance.

You don’t quite remember how you all came together, who brought who into the group, and when it was unanimously decided that you’d stop snatching up office workers like limes at $5 margarita night after Trish, but it was Max who kept you together, who set up the group chat (somehow mysteriously gathering all of your phone numbers after a very late night), who bullied anyone who responded to his weekly “winner winner liquid dinner” texts every Friday morning with a tepid maybe into coming out that night. He already seemed to know half of the bartenders in the city, all of whom were happy to send over a free round of tequila shots as a “thank you to Max’s friends”. While you’d never look a gift vampire in the mouth, you were suspicious of his influence. Was that vampire hypnosis real? Did he have a pack of lesser, baby vamps to send out to tenderize the hunting grounds?

One thing’s for sure, he definitely didn’t scare them into it. 

“Has Halloween, like, changed for anyone else?” Nita grouched over her second Sangria Spritzer two hours into another fantabulous happy hour at Heel Clicks. The four of you were huddled into your comically small booth up on the landing near the back bar – of course there were other seats available but this had the best view, the closest access to your favorite bartender, and at some point, the shoulder-to-shoulder proximity served as a way to counteract the tipsy swaying. 

Trish leaned around Ken, her beautiful blue eyes sparkling with curiosity. 

“What do you mean?”

“I dunno,” Nita shrugged hopelessly. “It used to be one of my favorite holidays when I was a kid. I loved the candy, the costumes – all of it. But I really liked being scared the most.”

Ken sorted into his old-fashioned. “Well, if you’re still scared of things you were as a kid, Nit, I think you’ve got a bigger problem than seasonal preference.”

She elbows him and he knocks into Trish.

“Not like that . . . but, like, monster movies aren’t really scary anymore? I mean, I used to watch Ginger Snaps religiously around Halloween, but, uh, now that I know an actual werewolf and he’s the nicest little old man in accounting, I dunno . . . it’s just not the same.” 

“Sorry to burst your bubble on monsters,” Ken shrugged. “But I personally cannot relate. As a member of the Free Folk, my people have always been welcomed, seen as bringers of good will towards man.”

“You know there’s eight movies where a leprechaun murders literally dozens of teenagers, right?” You turned to Ken over Nita, your entire right buttcheek hanging off the edge of the booth. 

“Oh, yeah, baby Jennifer Aniston,” Trish mused, thinking. “If that’s what your uncle looks like, Ken, then I posit Halloween is still fucking creepy.”

“Halloween is definitely creepy and it sucks.” Your ringleader has returned with electric-green jello shots. Max Phillips carried a tray with one hand, his immaculate blue jacket gone to display firm forearms underneath his white, rolled-back sleeves. “Bunch up, kiddies, Daddy’s back with treats.” 

Half the group groaned, the other squealed in delight.

Max hip-bumped you, his ravenous cologne immediately making you think unwise thoughts, as he pushed his way onto the bench absolutely not made for this many people. He looked back at you as he passed out the drinks.

“Now why are we all in agreement that Halloween is a lame holiday?” 

“Nita claims that because she personally knows a werewolf – Ned, right? – she’s not scared of monster movies anymore.”

Max scoffed. “Well, there’s your problem right there. Werewolves were never scary to begin with.”

“What monster movies have you been watching?” Nita gaped at him. “Maybe it’s bad representation, but all the movie werewolves can tear you to shreds!”

Ken nodded solemnly. “This is why affirmative action is so important.” 

Trish smacked him over the back of the head. 

“So, what?” Max continued, crunching up the jello in its plastic cup. “Now that you know me, a vampire, you think all Dracula movies give blood-suckers a bad rap?”

“No, being a human-sized mosquito with too much hair gel is doing that all on its own.” You smirked, dead-eyed, at him. Behind you, Ken and Trish snorted so hard they almost spilled their drinks. 

Max narrowed his eyes at you, in a look he only gave you when you wouldn’t let him ease around legal loopholes “for the good of the business”. Only Nita seemed to be oblivious. 

“That’s a good point, Max.” She thoughtfully stirred her jello with her pinky, unsticking it from the sides of her cup. “I mean, I guess I never watched that many vampire movies to begin with.”

Max broke his heated staring contest with you to look around at Nita, elbow pressing up into your chest as he leaned forward on the table. “I can promise you, doll face, vampires have been and always will be more terrifying and lethal than werewolves.”

“Not the argument I think you want to make, mate,” Ken murmured as you shifted yourself to face Max entirely. 

“Oh, yeah? Enlighten us all –,”

“Nope,” Trish called down the row, “we’re taking this shot before you two get into it again.”

“To Ned!” Ken yelled. 

“To Ned!” 

Plastic crunched, tongues slurped, as jello ungracefully slipped into every open mouth down the bench. You licked your lip, tip of your tongue green. Max watched the movement out of the corner of his eye. 

“So, enlighten us, Max, why should we be so afraid of you?” 

Max grinned out the side of his mouth. “One, I’ve seen more bite out of a pomeranian than one of those Tribbles. And two, whatever-wolves can only get it up once a month. I’m all monster, all the time, baby.”

At this, everyone groaned.

“Dollar to the Dick Jar!” Trish smacked her hand on the table.

“Here, here!”

Max pouted as he took a dollar out of his wallet and slammed it into the center of the table, payment towards tips or the bill or whoever suffered the most due to The Dick. 

“Face it, buzz,” you shrugged as he put his wallet away. “You’re just not scary any more, if you ever were.”

“Is that right?” 

Fuck, you were in a lot of trouble. Beneath the table, his thigh soaked yours in heat. 

“That’s right.”

“You know what is really scary?” Ken muttered, digging around in his crushed up for the last remnants of jello. “Kelpies.”

“Ah – yes! They’ve got sloppy fangs covered in algae!”

“Hey – that’s my cousin you’re talking about!”

Heel Clicks was hands down one of your favorite bars in the area. Devoted to the local music scene in the area, the vibe was a mix of old 70s rock bands, modern steel, and whatever justified lots of mounted horns and hairy cow-skin stools. The drinks were great, seasonal too, and there was always live music on the patio out back. In a twist that you found particularly cool, the old rum-runners tunnels had been converted to comfortably spacious bathrooms in the basement. Behind the solid oak door, the noises from the above bar are nearly entirely muffled, making the slow descent to the bathroom something of an out-of-body experience when you’ve had a few and the sudden silence is almost an echo. 

Plus, these fucking stairs are a death trap. 

You embarrassingly clutched at the railing, the wooden stairs at far too sharp an angle even if you were sober as a judge, much less at a Monster Squad happy hour. 

Stupid Max and his stupid drinks and his –

What was that?

You stand up right on the third to last step, listening. 

In the half darkness in front of you, there are three paths available. To the left, employee storage, the lights above the door flickering, the sign reading “do not enter” pulsating in and out of visibility. To your right, another door, maybe an exit. Always unmarked and always locked every time your drunken curiosity got the better of you. 

And across from the stairs were the bathrooms, left women, right for men.

God, what year is it? Shouldn’t it all just be gender-neutral? You think to yourself, a tad bit more aggressive than you’d usually oppose the gender binary – primarily to wash out the rising concern at the back of your neck.

You are alone down here. It’s obvious. It’s not like there’s that many places for some dastardly villain to hide. Four shut doors and three hallways. Unless some maniac was curled up under the stairs, you are the only person in the basement. 

At least, the only person you can see. 

You don’t realize how sweaty your hands are until you try to continue your way down the stairs. You take a step and nearly slip, the eyes you know are on you somehow laughing. 

One blinking light. No where for anything to hide, so why are you so nervous? You are an adult woman, for god’s sakes. You make it to the floor, the most likely candidate for your demise behind you and –

The stairs creaked. 

The empty stairs that you just walked down creaked and you nearly leap across the hallway to put space between you. Heart in your throat, you make the monumentally stupid decision and call out, “hello? Is anyone there?”

As if the serial killer was just going to announce himself, give up the whole element of surprise.

Blinking through the bleary haze of too many drinks, you take out your phone and flip on the light. A white beam chases back the encroaching darkness, a frantic worried ghost peering through the gloom. And yet, like you consciously know, there’s nothing there. But the darkness feels heavier, the eerie distant noise from the bar above so quiet and removed the sound is more of a memory – the idea of what comfort and community should sound like. But it’s not. It’s too far gone – if anything were to happen, it’d be hours before they found you. If they did at all. 

“Oh my god,” you scold yourself, squeezing your eyes shut. “Get a fucking grip and go pee and then go back up those fucking stairs and –,”

Okay, that was definitely breathing.

Breathing, right behind you. Ragged, hungry, disembodied breathing, in your ear and your heart ricochets into your chest. Your own breath turns short, choppy, panic swelling into your ears, over your fingers. You think you might drop your phone, your fingers are so numb from fear, so you clutch tighter, the trembling throwing white light across the paneled wood in a craze. 

Be rational, this is crazy, there is nothing down here! 

The stairs snarl again and you squeak, all but bolting for the women’s bathroom, desperate to put at least some space between you and those fucking stairs, put some boundaries between –

The door is locked. When the fuck is this door ever locked?

Panic recedes to overwhelming rage because fuck, fuck, fuck, now you’re trapped in here – you can’t go back to the stairs – you rattle the handle, shaking the door against its lock –

“Fucking let me in!”

The light above the exit door goes out. And then the other. You throw all of your weight against the bathroom door. You claw at the handle, begging it to give way. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck – you can hear the darkness breathing –

No, speaking – it’s saying something, chanting, mocking, calling out – calling out your name –

The door suddenly unlocks and you stumble forward – into something solid –

Its hands grab you and like a fucking fool, you played right into its trap. 

It turns you, throws you up against the tile wall, its claws around your shoulders, cold tile against your cheek and you whimper. Whimper when you feel the soft pin-prick of fangs against the back of your neck – fuck, this is how it ends?? – and –

“Got you.” 

That voice.

That condescending, snide, bratty, little –

You elbow the solid body behind you and Max lets out a puff of air, staggering back. You whip around, nearly snarling in his smirking, beautiful face. The bathroom is dark, black tiled walls and floors with a faux-wooden sink and dim lights across the top of the mirror. In the flushed orange light, his eyelashes encourage thick shadows under his eyes and in the collar of his throat. If it wasn’t for that insufferable smile, he’d look painted from thin brush strokes and heavy scarlet paint. 

Caravaggio, eat your heart out. 

“Max, what the fuck was that?” 

He rolls his eyes, rubbing the spot on his chest where you hit him, at the top of his ribcage. “Oh, c’mon, it was just some fun. Saw you sneak off after you got Nita’s drink and thought I’d mess with you just a bit.”

You sigh, willing your heart to slow down, throwing your gaze to the ceiling and dropping your head against the tile.

“God, you asshole, I thought I was gonna die.” You swallow and move your hair out of your face. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“I what?”

“You scared –,”

That smile, the crack of fangs across his mouth, widens, the bottom of his lip rolling back over the cut of his teeth, those brown eyes melting into a warm, obscene black, as he meets you hip first against the wall. 

His hands climb over your waist, as though daring you to hit him again, and your thigh muscles tighten. Your hands instinctively trace the exposed skin left by his opened collar at the dip of his throat when he comes closer, chest pressing up against yours, nose against your temple. 

Fuck, it shouldn’t be this easy for him. You sigh through your nose, eyes rolling shut, when he nips at your cheek.

“I think you were supposed to be mad at me.”

“I am,” you groan. “I’m livid. I’m enraged. I’m –,”

His thumb brushes your ribs – not tickling, not entirely touching, but just reminding. Reminding of the force behind his touch, behind his teeth. 

“Baby girl,” he chuckles softly, the sound running down your neck like rain, “you’re melting in my arms.” 

“This doesn’t mean I’m scared of you.” You focus on the softness of his hair between your fingers, the heat of the back of his neck beneath the pads of your fingertips – resolutely ignoring the radiating scent of his cologne coming from up under his collar. More than once had he come across you in his apartment bathroom, sniffing that bottle like some dopey perv looking for a quick fix. Of course, instead of admonishing you, he bent you over his sink and fucked the daylights out of you, his wrists singing with the smell of that cologne. Now he wore it to work wherever he wanted something from you, particularly to overlook some pesky lines of legalise. 

In the hallowed darkness of the bar’s bathroom, he drops a single kiss just below your jaw, inches beneath your ear. He grumbles when your pulse there quickens, and again his fangs find a curve of skin to press against – a reminder. 

Always reminding, always lurking, a threat without a promise.

And he knows exactly what that does to you. 

You release a full body shudder when his hands drop lower, guiding you back against the wall, fingers rounding around your thighs. Like interlocking pieces, your bodies slide together, your arms curling around his neck, the heat of his chest branding yours as it forces you against the wall. You’re breathing all wrong again, but for different reasons this time. You catch a flash of the ink-well darkness of his eyes when he nuzzles out of your neck to admire the mess he has made of your skirt.

“Can I fuck you in this or is this thing too tight?” He asks, like he specifically didn’t get on his hands and knees and beg you to wear that gray pencil skirt only twelve hours earlier. 

You lean up, snagging his bottom lip between your teeth, kissing him roughly and showing him he’s not the only one with a little bite. He groans softly, one hand curling into your hair at the base of your skull, and he licks you, from the front of your lips up to the valley of your mouth. He tastes like the sweetness of his whiskey n’ coke, his tongue rubbing the flexing muscle of yours, the sharpness of your molars. You could spend hours just sucking on his plush mouth. 

Maybe he did scare you. Maybe he should have scared you more, the threat of anyone discovering your relationship a real danger to both of your careers. Maybe it should have scared you, how little you cared about any of that when he palmed your breast over your shirt. 

You inhaled over his mouth, popping off his lips with a moan, his hand cupping you roughly as he dove in to suck marks on your neck. Every moment that passes, you feel your skin ratcheting up with heat, blood almost hot. He thumbs your perk nipple through your shirt and you arch your chest, his massive palm nearly cupping your ribs to your spine.

“Max, either you figure out how to fuck me in this skirt or you owe me a new one.”

“You want me to rip it off you?” He slurs, eyelids heavy, his thigh slides in between your knees, the fabric preventing him from going higher, to the place where you both need him. You groan in frustration and his hands squeeze your hips at the sound. “Tell me fast, baby, because I can’t–,”

“For the love of – just fucking lift it up–,” His hands fumble over yours as your fingers curl under the hem, his own want making that brilliant mind for numbers almost stupid. His warm fingers overwhelm your own as they push your skirt up your waist, and then dig around the line of your pantyhose. 

“Jesus Christ, are you trying to Fort Knox me out of your pussy? Why are there so many layers?” 

You hiss at him as you slide out of your heels and shove your nylons to the ground, hopping on one leg to take them off your feet. “It’s like you’ve never undressed me before.” 

Freed of the chaos of your underthings, Max’s hands rush to his belt, the clinking of the metal sending shivers down your back and straight up your cunt. He doesn’t notice because he’s obsessively watching your thighs. “I’ve never undressed you with our coworkers a floor above us and probably becoming increasingly suspicious about where the fuck we are–,” 

You take him by the back of the neck, hand clenching around the starch white of his shoulder. He comes to you, zipper digging into your hip bone as he pulls you up off your feet. For once that chatty mouth is quiet, open and wet with desire as he takes in your flushed face, the blood pumping under your tits. Max is nothing if not almost supernaturally consumed by the look, feel, texture, and taste of your tits. 

The look on his face is one of those reasons you tend to throw caution to the wind, why your heart almost feels too big for your chest, whenever he’s around. 

He hooks an arm around your low back, tilting your hips forward. You feel the heat of his cock somewhere below you and it takes all of your strength not to grind down. 

“Max –,” he’s not even inside of you and you’re already begging. You bite down on his ear to stifle whatever was rising up your throat. 

“Hang on, baby, I gotta make sure you . . .”

Using your shoulders as counterbalance, he holds himself up against the wet warmth of your cunt, breath stuttering as he rubs the head of his cock against your slick folds. That bratty aloofness is gone; he wants to sink so, so deep into you.

“Fuck, baby, I didn’t even get you ready – but you’re already so wet –,”

You don’t resist grinding down now and he knocks his shoulders forward, needing movement, but fighting against the urge to buck up into you, gasping from the feeling of your cunt. 

“Please, Max, just –,”

“Yeah, I know, baby, okay, just, I gotta . . .” 

He angles himself and you arch your back, unable to watch with the mess of your skirt around your waist, but he finds it, finds your opening, the place he loves to mark, and without any warning, thrusts his length up into you. 

The stretch, the surprise, the ear-ringing split between being empty and then stuffed so full – you can’t help but moan so loudly, you sing to the ceiling. For a moment, your bodies hum with the stillness, the blood in your cunt pulsating around him, you claw at his broad shoulders, need him closer, needing that smell of him that haunts your empty bed as far inside of you as his cock is. His hips stutter and he presses one hand against the tile by your ribs, teeth clenched against the sensation. 

“When I fuck you, every time feels like the first time. Every goddamn time.” 

It’s not particularly the confession it could be, but you shake your head, clearing it of anything stupid like feelings for Max Phillips, your chin brushing his jaw, his nose against your ear. 

“Then do it,” you whine. “Just fuck me, Max.”

With a groan that could be mistaken for a snarl, he lifts you both up right, pushing your hips down and spreading yourself over him. You lock your ankles around his back a second before he pulls out halfway, then to jerk back in with such force and precision your eyes roll to the back of your head. He sets a pace that has pleasure weaving a tight drum just under your stomach. Each sweaty thrust fires sparks up your spine. He really is so fucking good at this. 

This is the release you need, you both need. Sure, it’s an after-effect of having a high-powered job, but it’s also more than that. Max fucking you is unfortunately very often the highlight of your day. He knows what you need, how you need it – how hard to drive his cock into you, it makes you tongue-tied and dizzy. The fast pump of his cock, how it feels to split you apart over and over again, the back zipper of your skirt digging into your back – it’s too fucking good.

“Don’t know where you get off giving me orders,” he grunts, the pounding of his hips into yours rapidly shoving you up your ascension. The slapping, wet noise in the empty room is obscene. “I’m a fucking VP, little girl, and I–,”

You tense your muscles around his cock and he fumbles, his knees buckling momentarily. 

“Do not fucking bring up the org chart right now,” you hiss, your own edge yanked away when he stills. “I’m almost there–,” 

Quicker than he’s been all night, Max lunges forward, mouth open and teeth bare. He bites your neck and then he bites you. 

Fangs puncture your skin, not deep, but enough that your body is thrown into a messy coil of nerves and adrenaline. It knows you could die like this, even if you’ve only ever called the vampire a mosquito to his face, and triggering a self-preservation instinct, your body trembles from the sudden blast of sensation.

Your pupils dilate further than they were, your skin becomes overly aware of every drop of sweat, every flutter of hair, every rub of flesh – and your fucking nerve-endings feel like static, as if brushed by lightning. 

Pleasure so-white hot it almost burns roars up your spine, slick coating his cock inside you, and you cry out. Wail in his ear. Begging him to make it better. To give you your release. The feel of his cock pounding up inside your now-overly ripe cunt brings tears to your eyes.

“Oh, fuck – fuck, fuck, fuck – Max, p-please –,”

“Can you handle it if I touch you?”

You shake your head. “Yes, yes, please, touch me.” 

“You can’t keep screaming like that,” he scolds you breathlessly, the punch of his hips bouncing you against his cheek. For all his vampire stamina, the flush of exertion across his cheeks is truly staggering and a triumph for your ego. Flecks of blood dot his mouth. “Someone’s going to come looking.” 

“I don’t care,” you groan, angling your hips to take more of him. His hand not on your back cups under your knee, tugging it higher up his torso. His pace is relentless, overwhelming – with his weight on top of you, and his cock up under you, inside you, you’re consumed by Max Phillips. “Whatever you do, d-don’t stop. Don’t stop.” 

“You scared I’m gonna?”

“Yes,” you whine. You can feel your heart pounding out its shape into your ribs. 

“Good girl. And good girls get to fucking come.”

Balancing your increasingly limp body, he holds you up right, his hand snaking beneath your skirt, between the sweat of your thighs and his torso, and –

He thumbs that buzzing bundle of nerves, “come for me, baby”, and you do. You come screaming, the tension snapping, vision sparkling with stars, and you are shoved over the edge. You don’t know you’re wailing his name until he comes too, all concern for getting caught seemingly gone as he begs you to continue as he fills you up with his pearly, gooey cum:

“That’s right, say my name. Say my fucking name, sweetheart.” 

His hips thrust weakly, some instinct choking him until he makes sure every drop of him stays in you. You’re going to be dripping for hours. 

His skin is fire-hot beneath his starched white shirt. You’ll be thinking about that for days afterward when you see him in the hallways of the office. 

This is what scares you the most. When you realize it's over and neither one of you want it to be. 

Shaking from exertion, Max slowly sets you down, unwinding your legs from his waist, your ankles trembling against the cold tile. You couldn’t imagine putting your nylons back on, the thought of that pressure against the curve of your lower stomach while you are so full of his cum practically unbearable. 

He lifts his head from your neck, eyes intentionally avoiding you as he inspects where he bit you, breath coming in ragged, long gasps. Sweat darkens the hair at his temple and that post-fuck blush is staggeringly gorgeous on him. He pricks his thumb on the sharp edge of his fangs and with a scarlet bead balanced on his thumb, he smears his blood against the puncture wounds, like someone would wipe dirt away from a loved one’s skin. 

It doesn’t really hurt, but the effects leave your neck tingling. You’d never say this out loud, but you fucking loved when he did that. 

He steps away without looking at you, giving you time to adjust your skirt, your hair in the mirror. You help him straighten his collar because it’s not like he can use the mirror to check himself.

He grins, the flush fading far too rapidly from his cheeks. 

“What are you going to tell them?” You nod to the stairs on the other side of the wall. “This can’t look good for us.” 

“You got attacked by a werewolf on the way to the bathroom. I saved you.” 

“Thought you said werewolves weren’t scary.”

He shakes his head, smirking, then presses a kiss to your temple. “Just said I was the bigger monster between the two of us.” 

“My hero.” You turn your head until his lips drink in yours. 

It is dangerous, your feelings for him. 

He taps you on the butt, pulling away. The lines around his eyes do an excellent job of masking the hurt in the brownness of his eyes. 

“Gimme five, then you come up. Can’t have you looking so completely debauched.”

He kisses you again, betraying whatever amounted to “cool and collected” he attempted for, and without another word, he slides out the door. 

His smell lingers in the air long after he does. The throbbing of your cunt also serves as a fantastically bitter reminder.

You go back to the mirror because yes, you could not have been more obvious if you were wearing a sign that said, “hi, yes, I did just get my back blown out.” You try to fold your hair around your ears at least a dozen times before pulling it back in what you hope to be a casual pony-tail. You toss your nylons into the trash can, pleading that the “oh, I tore them in the bathroom” excuse might hold an ounce of water. 

You think about what’s waiting for you a floor up and your stomach clenches. 

Fucking Max could upset the dynamics of your little group, your little Monster Squad. Whatever the stupid office bylines were, your happy-hour social group is one of the bright spots in your life, especially while working at a place run by those bastard Overlords. 

And Max knew that. He didn’t want to risk your long-term happiness for his short-term. 

Max didn’t scare you because he was a monster.

He scared you precisely because he wasn’t.

You open the bathroom door and return to the world. 

[bbrandy2002]

The Getaway

Part Two

A/N: This is obviously a continuation of a birthday fic I wrote for @ao719 that is now 2 weeks late 🙈 I was dealing with stuff, dont judge lol The writers block and doubts were for real yo! But thanks to my Tumblr bestie, who wouldnt let me quit, encouraged me, talked me through this thing and gave me ideas, it finally all came together.

Anitah, I apologize for being so late and the silliness of this fic and if it's terrible. I still hope you had a wonderful birthday and are blessed with so many more 💜

A/N/N: Thanks to @burnsoslow for beta reading and literally a thousand other things.

Warning: A lot of bad language, a miserable Drake Walker and violence involving tasers, fires, animals and car accidents ... No one dies people!

**Drake and Liam belong to Pixelberry, Nikolas belongs to me, the driver and mailroom guy belong to @burnsoslow​ and Liam's secretary belongs to @ao719​

Drake stepped out of the truck in a furor, cursing under his breath, to check on his damages. The front driver tire had fallen into a deep ditch, and it was evident by the thick mud it sunk into that it would be next to impossible to get unstuck without some assistance.

He shook his head, gritted his teeth, and the veins in his neck enlarged and throbbed. As he knelt down to assess the damages further, Nik hopped out of the truck and stood over Drake. With one glance, Nikolas clutched his belly and let out a loud continuous cackle that soon sent a storm of hot blood that seemed to collect in Drake's crimson-colored face.

And the laughter just got louder and louder.

And the laughter didn't stop.

In Drake's head, it sounded like a thousand Niks laughing simultaneously, each one with two horns, a pointy tail, and a pitchfork in hand. 

His anxiety took over.

He stood up, and in an attempt to let some of his anger out, he kicked the tire with an enraged shout that echoed beyond the heavily-forested valley and sent flocks of birds in a frenzy.

The tire's air must have been over-pressurized by the drop's force and popped as soon as Drake's foot made contact. He fell back onto his ass with a heavy thud causing Nikolas to screech out in more laughter. Drake sat up into time to see the front bumper and side panel fall to the ground.

"I think your truck is broken, Uncle Drake," the prince chortled.

Drake's head whipped around and glared at the boy. "No shit! What the fuck are you even doing here? You're supposed to be on a plane to Paris."

Nikolas shrugged. "This sounded more fun." 

"This isn't fun, you little asshole!" Drake jumped up and attempted to lunge at the boy, but slipped in the mud, caught his balance for a split second by grabbing onto a tree limb, then slipped again, before wiping out completely. "Son-of-a-monkey-fucker!"

Drake laid on his back, staring up at a large tree branch that hung overhead, praying to God the damn thing would just fall on him. 

Nikolas walked over to him and looked down on the face of fury. "Is it time for dinner yet? I'm staaaaaaaving!"

"Nikolas," Drake groaned then took a deep breath, his back mud-soaked and achy. "How? How in the hell did you pull this off?"

Nik plopped down on Drake's stomach, causing him to grunt loudly. "Easy. I told my dad you invited me, and he let me go. He was happy you wanted to spend time with me." The Prince smirked.

Drake gritted his teeth. "And he just believed you? Fucking Liam."

Nikolas shook his head. "No. I got Neal in the mailroom to pretend he was you on the phone."

Drake lifted his head and glared. "You mean that grease trap that lives in the ambulance down by the river?"

The young prince nodded. "Yeah. Except he doesn't live by the river anymore. He moved behind the elementary school .. said it had a better view."

There was dead silence for a moment as Drake grimaced at what he just heard before jerking his hips upward. "Get the fuck off me."

Nikolas stumbled to the ground with an uproarious laugh.

Drake reached into his front pocket and pulled out his cell as he rose to his feet. He was dead set on getting someone from the palace to retrieve this little menace to Drake Walker society before he found himself tied up to a cinder block at the bottom of Lake Boogaloo. The issue with his truck could wait.

Liam and Riley would already be on the plane with Bastien in tow, so calling them right now would be useless. He pressed the contact for the palace operator, hoping to be directed to the mailroom; if Neal was part of helping get Nik into this, his shady punk ass could come pick him up in the renovated ambulance that served as his home and part-time blood mobile. 

Pacing back and forth, Drake raised the phone to his ear, waiting impatiently for a ring. 

"Trish! Put me through to the mailroom." 

While he was distracted taking care of that, Nikolas was somewhat disappointed the trip was already over -- he had so many plans for his favorite uncle. With his arms crossed over his chest and a pout on his lips, he leaned up against the truck in a huff. "This sucks!"

The sounds of leaves crunching and brush moving around nearby caught his attention. Nik's eyes widened in fear when the black furry coat of a creature with a white stripe down its middle could be seen scampering around searching for food. The boy gasped and pinched his nose as the animal's foul scent started to become thick in the air and made his eyes water. "Uncle Drake," he called out in a nasally voice, "there's a skunk."

With a scowl, Drake lowered the phone and scrunched up his own nose. He took one glance at the animal, who didn't appear to be a threat, then glanced back at the kid. "It's probably more scared of your evil ass than you are of it. Just keep your mouth shut and don't move." The call with Neal resumed.

"But, Drake ..." Nikolas whined, trying to plead for him to listen but could tell his uncle would have none of it.

Frantic to scare the smelly animal away, the young boy searched the ground for something to throw at it: a large stick, a rock, Drake's Air Bud soundtrack. Those things might scare the skunk off, but they posed a risk of it spraying before doing so. Memories of the smell of Madeleine's office when he had one shipped to her came flooding back. It took a month for the palace to lose that scent. The prank was hilarious until it affected his comfort.

 A devilish smirk took shape as an idea popped into his head. “I need my backpack.”

Nik grabbed the top of the truck bed and stepped up on the rear tire and swung one leg over, then the other. He found his backpack and quickly unzipped it, pulling out night-vision goggles and a rope, then placed them beside his feet. He proceeded to move aside a bottle of industrial-strength super glue and the glass jar holding his tarantula, Barf. Finally, at the bottom of the bag, was the taser he “borrowed” from Bastien’s desk, and he quickly took it out. Holding the electrical gun in front of his face and twisting it around menacingly, he said, “Okay, Mr. Skunk. Get ready for a shocking experience.”

“No!” Drake yelled into the phone at Neal, “You can’t borrow my binoculars. What the fuck are you gonna use those things for at a children’s museum anyway?”

“The … the …” the man scrambled for an answer, “those dinosaurs … yeah … the dinosaurs. They’re, like, really tall, ya know? I want to be able … to, uh … see their faces and stuff.”

“I call bullshit,” Drake bit back, “I won’t be an accomplice in your bone watching … dinosaur or small boy.” He resumed his pacing, wanting to get the conversation moving along. “Now listen, my sister and brother-in-law are in Texas, Lord Beaumont is on a book tour, and the guards are off duty until the royal family returns. You are going to come pick up this kid.”

“Oh! I would love to come pick him up. He’s under 10, correct?”

Drake could practically hear the creepy mirth oozing from the man's gruff voice and spat back, "I'll be with him the whole time, you oily ass, ambulance-driving …  è piccola cagna!"

"What does that mean?"

Drake knitted his brows; he didn't really know, just that Nikolas called him that from time to time, and the word just kind of stuck with him. "Just ... just get here now!"

"Okay, okay! I'm coming."

The call ended. "God, I hope he meant that literally, and I didn't just get that fucko off." He slipped the phone into his pocket and turned to Nik. "Alright, listen up, assh ..." Drake stopped dead in his tracks and stood, stunned, at the first glimpse of a taser-wielding Nikolas with the gun aimed almost directly at him, with a tiny finger wrapped around the trigger.

"Wwwhatcha got there, boy?" Drake's voice sounded calm and friendly. He even managed to fake a genuine-looking smile. Inside, however, he was close to shitting his pants.

Nikolas licked his lips and closed one eye to find the perfect aim. "I'm about to fry that skunk with extreme vengeance. One ..."

"Nikolas, no! Give me the taser." Drake cautiously approached him with his hand held out.

"Two," the small but menacing voice continued the count.

"Nik, don't do it! Give it to me now!"

"Three.”

"Noooo!"

The piercing sound of Drake's shout startled the skunk, and it scurried out from the thick brush.

Nik jumped up with the taser. "Hey! Get back here, asshole." He aimed at the fleeing creature and pressed the trigger.

___________

The instant Drake's mocha-colored eyes fluttered open, an acrid mixture of what smelled like ass, sweat, rotten eggs, and his mother's hairy feet had bubbled up inside his nostrils. The aroma was slightly overshadowed by the 1200-volt prongs that had pierced just below the protruding vein in his neck, causing him to seize up and then drop like a rag doll to the dirt, and muck that littered the ground.

Close by, he could make out the discernible sound of footsteps crunching through foliage and bark and sloshing over wet earth.

Drake's cheek rested against the cold, soggy ground, even as the silhouette of the young prince crouched next to him with his little head tilted sideways and blinking owlishly. He saw the child's lips moving but blocked out the little shit until the feeling of electrocution and muscle spasms had waned.

Drake looked at the small face next to him that resembled his best friend at that age. Liam is a good man, Drake thought; he was a considerate child, too. We had fun together. We always had each other's backs and would do anything to protect the other, no matter the consequences.  Liam wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s just the best all around.  So …  how in the actual ass fuck did he produce the spawn of Satan? 

Is there any chance he’s ... Neal’s kid? 

Maybe Riley ... No, fuck, no. She wouldn’t.

The sky transformed from a brilliant blue to one streaked with gold and orange hues before Drake shook himself of the aftershocks that sparked through his body. 

The metal prongs left behind two bright red spots, resembling a large spider bite and stinging like hell when he pulled them out.  A thick layer of mud had dried and clung to his back, while a fresh layer adhered to his front. The numbness in his limbs had dissipated somewhat, but the pins-and-needles feeling remained. He was grateful the back spray from the skunk missed him, but the remnants it left on the nearby trees were stifling.

At this point, the only thing Drake wanted was a hot shower, a clean change of clothes, and to get stupidly drunk to the point he would pass out in bed and sleep for days. He scanned the perimeter and could make out the crystal-blue lake through a small clearing in the trees about 100 yards away.

Removing his filthy shirt and tossing it in the back of the truck, he eyed Nikolas, who was surprisingly quiet and subdued. The child was sitting on the lowered tailgate, swinging his legs, and trying to force his tarantula to eat a dead cricket. Drake rolled his eyes but was relieved the kid was staying out of his hair for now. He just needed to take a quick dip in the water, change his clothes, and hurry back in time for their ride home. Nik would be fine by himself for 10 minutes.

Drake let out a sharp tongue whistle that caught Nikolas' attention. "Listen up, kid. I'm going down to the lake real quick to clean up and change into some clean clothes." He opened the driver's side door and reached across the seat to toss his cell phone and wallet in the glove box while he continued, "You and your spider get in here and lock the door until I come back."

Nik dropped Barf in the jar and slapped the holed lid on it. "It's not a spider, Drake. It's a tarantula. A tarantula," he corrected with emphasis as he slid down from the tailgate.

"I don't care if it's your grandma's bladder control protection, get your ass in the truck, and don't move until I get back."

Stepping up in front of Drake, Nikolas sneered at an annoyed Drake towering above him. "I'm telling her you said that. And why can't I go with you? I wanna go to the lake, too," he whined.

Drake nearly doubled over in fake laughter. "There ain't no damn way I'm taking you. For one, you've ruined my entire trip. The one good thing I had in my life to look forward to, and you ruined it! And two, I don't know what the rules are about grownups, and nakedness, and with kids around, and all that shit. So the answer is no." 

Drake could tell by the beady little eyes glaring back at him that Nikolas would not give up on this. He let out a heavy sigh. "Look. Do what I tell you right now, and when I come back, I'll build a campfire, and we can make up some s’mores. How's that sound?"

“Okay.”

“Really?” Drake shook his head in astonishment that he actually won that argument. Without another word, he watched as His Royal Highness happily climbed into the cab of the truck and gave a thumbs up.

Did that taser kill me? I’m dead, right? He did it. Do you smell that, Cordonia? No, not that fucking rank ass skunk. It’s the smell of victory! Drake Walker is a god! I have the power back.

Grabbing his duffle bag from the back, Drake hurriedly made his way toward the lake. He felt a little on edge, leaving Nik by himself for even just ten minutes, maybe even somewhat guilty. But he was caked in mud from head to toe, and the grime was starting to seep and burrow around certain parts of his anatomy. Nothing was worse than having monkey ass.

Within minutes, Nikolas sat on his haunches and looked out the back glass. He hadn’t wanted to show it, but he did feel a little bad for shooting Drake to the point it drew blood. Also for causing him to crash his truck. And even though it was funny as hell to watch, the second slip in the mud was kind of brutal. Perhaps a little remorse was starting to set in as the words of his Uncle Drake telling him that he ruined the one thing he was looking forward to repeated in his head. Tomorrow he would return to normal, but Nik was determined to do something nice for a change for the rest of the evening.

With the quick snap of his little fingers, an idea formed, and it would be the perfect thing to make Drake feel better. Nik unlocked the door, grabbed his spider, and jumped out of the truck. He headed to the back and rummaged through the bags of camping items laid in piles until he found what he was looking for: a lighter and lighter fluid.

“I’ll make the bestest s'mores ever for Uncle Drake. That’ll make him happy.”

Nikolas had never built a campfire before, but he’d seen it done in a movie once, and that was good enough in his mind to practically make him an expert.

Feeling clean and refreshed, Drake dried off from his dip in the lake and put fresh clothes on. Making his way back to the site, he caught a glimpse of thick, black smoke protruding above the trees and the smell of burning rubber that traveled with the approaching evening breeze.

“Nikolas,” he muttered as his heart crashed into his stomach. He raced back as fast as he could, fearing the absolute worst thing had happened to the Prince of Cordonia. “I knew I shouldn’t have left him alone. Liam and Riley are going to kill me, and I would deserve it. I just hope he’s not …” he trailed off when the site came into full view. It was worse than he imagined.

His eyes searched frantically until relief washed over him when he caught his first glimpse of Nikolas sitting under a tree, eating, and seemingly unconcerned by the inferno that had lit up the dusky sky.

Drake rushed over to him and lifted him into his arms and held onto him tightly.  “Are you okay, buddy?”  

Nikolas chuckled, “I’m fine, Uncle Drake.”

He lowered him back on the ground and started patting him down, looking for burns or injuries. 

Drake let out a sigh of relief. “How? How did this …” he turned to look at the fire, then raised his voice. “Wait! You caught my goddamn truck on fire?”

Nik followed his uncle's gaped-mouth stare to the truck engulfed in flames, then screwed up his face. "Yeah ... about that. I think I used too much of that lighter fluid stuff building a campfire. But I made you something." He reached into his jacket pocket, pulled out a s'more, licked the melted chocolate off the side, then proudly held it up to Drake. "The marshmallow is exactly the way you like it, too: completely charred."

Drake dropped his head into his palms and repeated a slew of curse words and sounds that were not even human. As badly as he wanted to destroy everything around him at that moment, to release a fit of anger the likes of which no one had ever seen in him before, it appeared Nikolas had beat him to it: There was nothing left around there to destroy. 

He dropped his arms to his sides in defeat and looked to the heavens before surmising, “This is my punishment, isn’t it? I stole that taser from the guard as a kid and let Liam take the blame for it. I insisted Liam come with me in that boat during a storm, and he nearly drowned when it overturned. He got lost in the woods on my time. I pushed him too hard once during maze tag. I got stuck in that laundry chute all night, and Constantine took hide-and-seek away from him. This …” he motioned to Nikolas, who was smiling back at him with a big cheesy grin, “this is how he got me back for all of it. Well, you win, Liam! You win!  I hope you are having one hell of a time in Paris, schmoozing and laughing your ass off, because I have nothing left in this world but this …  hairy, lint-filled s’more with your son’s saliva all over it …  and it’s not even toasted right!”

“I didn’t make it right?” Nikolas asked thoughtfully. “Hang on. I can make you another one.” He bent down, pulled out a marshmallow from the bag and rammed a mud-covered stick entirely through its center. Drake watched as Nik skipped over and held it next to the flames shooting out the window of his truck.

For several seconds, Drake contemplated whether he should just leave the child there and let nature take its course. Glaring back to the star-filled sky, he groaned, “You owe me big for this.”

Tugging Nik by his jacket hood to pull him away from the hot blaze, he startled the boy who then whipped around with the burning marshmallow and accidentally got it stuck to Drake’s shirt. “The fuck is wrong with you?”

Ten minutes passed, and the two were on the dirt road heading back to the highway’s main stretch. After patting out the fire on his shirt, Drake planned to call the fire department to report the inferno taking place in the woods. He laughed wryly when he realized the phone was still in the glove box of his burning vehicle. And it appeared Neal’s skank ass wasn’t coming after all, so the pair would have to flag down someone and hope they actually stopped. Thankfully, Nikolas had his backpack on, and Drake used the night vision goggles to direct his way along the darkened path.

Hand in hand and approaching the main thoroughfare, Nik’s legs were starting to tire, and his droopy eyes looked up. “Uncle Drake, will you carry me?”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“Pleeeeeeease,” Nikolas begged in a high-pitched squeal that grated Drake’s teeth.

Drake stopped with a huff and crouched down. “Get the fuck on my back,” he commanded, “you’ve burned and shot the front part of me, so your ass is gonna have to hold onto the back. And I swear to God, Nik, if you so much as drool on me, you can sleep in the woods with the wolves and bears and poodles. Understood?”

With a tired nod, Nik wrapped his little arms around Drake’s neck and held on. As they proceeded ahead, the prince asked, “Would you tell me a bedtime story?”

Drake grunted, “You wanna bedtime story? I’ll tell you a bedtime story. It’s an ol’ Bianca Walker original that she used to tell me every night called ‘Go the fuck to sleep!’ The end.”

Nikolas sleepily chuckled. “I already have that book, Uncle Drake. My dad’s secretary, Charlotte, gave it to me and told me to put it in my room. She said if my mom or dad found it, just to tell them you gave it to me.”

“Of course she did,” Drake scoffed, thinking about the other person who found pure delight in annoying him.

Through the night-vision goggles, the headlights of a random car could be seen driving by, and Drake let out a relieved breath, knowing they were so close.

The night couldn’t end that easily, though. A sudden sense of unease enveloped Drake, telling him that everything was not as it seemed. His steps quickened, and his heart pounded away in his chest.

Feeling like he was being followed, he turned on his heels, then widened his eyes. 

A large brown bear let out a roar that echoed past them.

Drake shrugged his shoulders and muttered, “Yep. That’s about right.”

The survival training he’d learned from his Campers Anonymous group about bear encounters kicked in, and he completely stilled his body. That was until he heard, “BEEEEAAAR!” screamed over his shoulder and felt Nik’s body drop to the ground.

“Don’t move, Nikolas,” Drake ordered through a whisper.

It was too late; he was gone and headed toward the road.

Drake whirled around to see the bear on its hind legs, drumming its chest and licking its lips. “Shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Wait for me, Nik!” He took off running.

--------- 

Alyssa was headed back to Cordonia earlier in the night than she expected. With her hands firmly gripped on the steering wheel, she complained to her friend through the car's Bluetooth, “The guy showed up one hour late to our meeting spot, then drove through a McDonalds, asked if I wanted anything, proceeded to park behind a church and tell me he has condoms before the cops picked him up on a warrant! Worst. Date. Ever.”

Driving around a bend in the road, Alyssa slammed on the brakes when her headlights reflected off a small child darting into the road. As her tires screeched, she let out a deafening scream when a man came out of nowhere, followed immediately by a bear. The frantic man shoved the kid out of the way.

Though  the brake pedal was pressed to the floor, the car collided with Drake, and his body flew onto the hood before falling feebly to the road.

The bear sniffed at Drake and batted him around a couple of times before taking off into the woods.

When Alyssa was sure it was safe to do so, she and a crying Nik both crouched around a moaning Drake.

_________

The following morning, Drake's eyes fluttered open. His vision was a little fuzzy, but he could make out a doctor hovering over him and a worried Liam standing with Nikolas at the foot of his bed. He tried to speak, wanting to know what happened, but was unable to open his mouth.

"Don't try to speak, Mr. Walker. Your jaw was wired shut to protect the small fracture you suffered from the car accident. You also broke both legs and sprained your neck. You have a long recovery ahead of you, but shouldn't need to spend any more time in the hospital. You’re a very lucky man. Now if you’ll excuse me, I will get the discharge papers and check to see if the ambulance transporting you to the palace has arrived. His Majesty has offered to allow you to recover in his home." 

Drake took one look at a gleeful, bouncing Nikolas and shook his head as best as he could with a neck brace on and emphatically mumbled his indiscernible objections.

Liam chuckled, "Quit being so modest, Drake. I assure you it’s no trouble at all. Besides, it's the least I could do after you saved my son's life. And Nik here even offered to let you stay in his room to keep you company."

Nik nodded with a grin. “Yep. For the next eight to 12 weeks, it's just me and my Uncle Drake hanging out all day and night.”

Drake tried to escape from his bed but couldn’t move without use of his legs.

Liam walked around to the side of the bed and put his hand on Drake’s shoulder. “Look at you trying to protest. You never were one to accept charity. I told you, I’m more than happy to help. You deserve this and more.”

A knock at the door diverted their attention and a head popped in. “I’m here to transport Mr. Walker back to the palace, Your Majesty.”

“Perfect! And on such short notice too. So glad my secretary could arrange this ride,” Liam exclaimed. He glanced down at his injured friend in the bed and smiled. “You ready to go home, my friend?”

No! No! That’s fucking, Neal. He doesn’t even have a real ambulance. I’m not going. Somebody, anybody, heeeelp!

[the-nagakenny-archives]

Sheltering Two Nagas From The Snow

One early morning, at Nickolaz’s house, Sheera was doing a couple of things with him. The TV was on and as soon as the weather man reported to prepare for an upcoming snowstorm, Sheera realized that there were two Naga buddies that needed their help, but not knowing it yet. Sheera rushed to Nickolaz. “Nick, a snowstorm is on it’s way here and with you living near a green area, there are two naga buddies that are going to need our help. Nickolaz’s wolf ears twitched. “You’re right,” Nickolaz realized. “Kenny and Loui are out there…” Sheera soon became serious grabbing her jacket looking outside see that small snowflakes were starting up. “We should head over to them sooner rather than later. They are both in serious trouble.” Nickolaz nodded putting his jacket on. “I’ll retrieve Loui, you go get Kenny. One of my buds went on a hunt and had a spare deer which gives me an idea on what to cook for the four of us tonight.” Sheera called her condor demon hybrid bestie, Trish to come over and watch over a very special desert that Sheera was in the process of baking. Sheera made something special that a certain naga would love. Trish came over since she was near. “Don’t worry girl, I’ll be sure to watch over it and to have it taken out at the precise moment.” Trish assured her. Sheera nodded already knowing that Trish could be trusted. Nick and Sheera soon went into the brush forest as Nickolaz went right while Sheera went left.

As soon as he knew he was in deep enough, Nickolaz started to keep his eyes, ears & nose peeled out for Loui. He knew all too well that Loui would definitely be close. He walked through focusing and his head went through a medium leaf as he walked. What Nickolaz didn’t know was that the leaf his head touched wasn’t a leaf at all. It was Loui’s naga tail which blended in well. His tail out of instinct feeling warmth soon grabbed the unaware Nickolaz. “Hey! What the-?!” Nickolaz jumped in surprise as the “leaf” soon became more vine-like & thick fr"Hey! What the-?!“ Nickolaz jumped in surprise as the “leaf” soon became more vine-like & thick from above with a green and black thick striped pattern. Nickolaz was struggling trying to get himself free. The tail quickly coiled hanging him upside-down. From behind him, a Naga who appeared to be the owner of the tail dropped down to see what his catch was. He had yellow eyes and his hair was as white as snow. He smirked knowing the “prey” he caught all too well. Nickolaz was struggling, but not as much like the beginning. “Okay, seriously, I have no time for games! Ugh! I’m trying to find my naga roomie, Loui!” He said frustrated trying to get himself out of the “leaves” that had him in their grasp. “Oh, sssomeone issss looking for ssssweet old me?” A familiar voice responded from behind him. Nickolaz turned to see if his wolf ears weren’t deceiving him. As soon as he saw him, he breathed a breath of relief. “Loui… bud I have been looking for you,” He answered. “Have you now?” Loui responded seductively and somewhat teasing as he went closer hugging the wolf man close to him. “I wasss looking for ssssomeone warm to ssssnuggle because of how unexpectedly cold it isssss…” Nickolaz soon snapped out of his temporary bliss in being wrapped in Loui’s embrace and coils. “Bud, please come with me, to my place. A snowstorm is coming and since you are cold blooded and need to keep warm, my place is the best place for you to keep warm.” Loui smiled feeling indeed chilly. “Nick… I can’t sssserioussssly thank you enough…” he responded releasing Nickolaz from his coils gently placing him back on the ground. Nick soon stood up opening up his arms. “Wrap some of your coils around me as we go back. You need warmth in order to be able to move a bit. The cold will make you slower. Loui grinned at this. "Who knew you were ssssso sssssmart little puppy…” he slightly teased wrapping him in a few of his coils to allow him to continue to walk. Nick smirked. “I’ll take that as a com"I’ll take that as a compliment,” he responded starting to walk with Loui with some of his coils wrapped around him. They were starting their way back to Nickolaz’s place.

Meanwhile, Sheera was running down the left side she took to find Kenny. It was indeed getting colder as she went in deeper into the forest where Kenny was. She called out to him. “Kennyyyy!” She looked around as she walked and soon called out to him again. “Kennyyyy?” She soon felt a chill and soon saw that more snowflakes were flowing down to the forest floor. Sheera soon had a look of worry on her face. “Oh Kenny…. where are you…?” She exclaimed out of concern, worry and fear. Kenny was up above in the trees trying to keep warm, but to no avail. He soon lifted his head hearing the feint sound of a familiar voice that he knew all too well. He soon dropped down to where his name was being called and sure enough, he smiled knowing that his ears did not lie as he saw the back of Sheera as she was slowly walking away from him not knowing that he heard her. He soon slithered in pursuit of her as his tail tapped her right shoulder. Sheera’s ears twitched and turned to see the Naga King of Snuggles & Cuddles & Nuzzles Oh My, Kenny who was smiling in a way that hid his excitement. “Why hello Sheera, what brings you to my neck of the jungle honey?” He purred smiling even more. Sheera was so happy and relieved to find her friend that she gave him a cuddle hug as he did the same. Sheera was so warm, that Kenny didn’t want to let go. Sheera looked up at Kenny as she composed herself mentally ready to speak. “Kenny, you can hide everything in, but I know that you’re getting chilly and that you need to be somewhere warm.” Kenny blinked, but soon remembered that Sheera can sense one’s feelings no matter how much they try to hide it. Kenny kept his smile on regardless and sighed. “Yep, you know it Sheera. I’ve been trying to keep warm, but with no luck…” Sheera then smiled. “That’s why I came. Nickolaz’s residence is close by. We both figured that you and another sweet naga would like to take shelter there until the storm resides. It is said to stop by tomorrow afternoon.” Kenny was a little surprised. It’s been a while since hospitality was offered to him since he is usually the one that offers it. Sheera then remembered something. “Besides, I do have a surprise for you there.” She said with a smile. Kenny was now even more curious and happy. “Sheera, it would be lovely to come back with you. I accept your invitation.” He responded with a smile. Sheera was happy as her gray fox tail went around Kenny’s back waist to help him stay warm and moving. “Then let’s head back shall we?” She offered. Kenny nodded as he slithered with Sheera back to Nickolaz’s place. 

As Kenny and Sheera came back to the residence and opened the door, Nickolaz and Loui were already there chatting it up with Trish. Loui noticed Sheera and Kenny and quickly slithered up coiling both of them and giving them hugs. “I’m glad to see that you’re okay Loui,” Sheera said hugging him back. Kenny was hugging him as well. He couldn’t get over how snuggly he was. “Thanksss to you and Nick I’m okay,” Loui hissed happily. “How are you oh king of snugglessss, cuddlessss and nuzzlessss oh my?” He asked humorously to Kenny. “Glad to see a few more I can snuggle,” Kenny chuckled. Nickolaz got up from the couch as Kenny slithered approaching one another and soon gave each other a bro hug. “It’s been too long bud,” Nickolaz said happily hugging Kenny. “I couldn’t agree more,” Kenny said hugging him as well. Trish soon walked over to Kenny. “So this is the king of snuggles and muscle bro that Sheera and Nick told me about,” she said as she approached him. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you Sir Kenny,” she said holding out her hand. “My name is Trish, I’m Sheera’s best friend.” Kenny smiled at her and hugged her instantly. Trish was surprised at this, but was happy to feel Trish was surprised at this, but was happy to feel accepted by him and hug him back. “It is a pleasure to meet you as well, Miss Trish,” Kenny responded in the gentlemanly way he knew how. Trish nodded and then looked as more flakes were coming down. “I apologize that I couldn’t stay longer, but the storm is kicking up. Nick, don’t do anything stupid. Sheera, your surprise is ready. I’ll see you all again soon.” Sheera smiled. “Thank you so much girl, fly home safe.” Trish nodded with a smile and flew off back to her residence. Sheera soon closed the door and went back to the others. Nick then stood up. “I know it isn’t a hurricane or anything, but safety does matter. Because of this, I thought the area we could all crash would be the best option. Please come with me for a second,” he said as he started walking as the others followed in pursuit. He soon led them downstairs to a room that had only one small window. He soon turned the light on to reveal a big room with a few beds, a widescreen TV with some video game systems, a mini fridge and a little more. It was indeed Nickolaz’s basement. Loui’s and Kenny’s eyes widened as they were surprised that he had this. “I thought we could all crash down here while the storm is going.” Sheera nodded in approval. “I have to agree on that. There are a lot of fun things to do after all, but I honestly think that our two naga friends have something else in mind…” Sheera topped off with a slight smirk. Nickolaz raised an eyebrow and shook is head. “I’m going to start cooking that dear my buddy found. You three play nice now and I’ll call when dinner is ready,” he stated walking up the stairs to the kitchen.

An hour or so later, Nickolaz finished cooking the deer along with preparing vegetables, potatoes and beverages. “Dinner is ready!” He announced since he knew his voice carries quite a bit. Loui, Kenny and Sheera stopped their snuggle war as soon as they heard the call as they all walked/slithered up to the dining room where there was cooked deer, steamed vegetables and of course bottles of water, soda and juice. Nickolaz was standing at the table with a smile. “Go ahead, dig in,” he said as everyone sat down at the couch after taking their fill and began to eat a wonderful meal. Kenny took a bite of the deer he selected and his eyes widened even more than the last time. “Wow, Nickolaz, this is absolutely delicious… I didn’t know you could cook this well!” He said as he ate more. Loui smiled. “Well, Nick is a pretty good cook. He makessss wonderful pizzssssa….” he hissed as he ate his plate happily wagging the tip of his tail unintentionally. Sheera chuckled at the both of them. “Seems to me like you both are enjoying something good,” she commented as she took bites from her plate. After everything was eaten and wanted to save their appetites for anything else, Sheera and Nickolaz took everyone’s plates and was in the process of washing them.

As Sheera and Nickolaz prepared for the dessert, they called to Kenny and Loui who were play wrestling downstairs in the basement in one another’s coils. They popped their heads out of the coil piles and soon slithered up the stairs curious as to what the desert would be. As they positioned themselves at the table as Nickolaz was already there sitting, Sheera walked up with a covered dish in her hands. She placed it in front of her on the table and took the top off the dish to reveal a Star Apple Tart. Kenny’s eyes widened. Sheera knew that Star Fruit was Kenny’s favorite food out in his neck of the woods. “Sheera…” Kenny started to say. “You made this?!” He asked surprised smelling it and simply enjoying the scent. Sheera was serving out pieces to everyone. “Yes I did,” Sheera responded with a smile. Kenny took a bite from his piece that he was served. “It’s absolutely delicious!!!” He boomed happily eating it. Sheera smiled warmly and sighed quietly. “That is seriously good to hear.” Loui also tried some and happily enjoyed it as well along with Nickolaz.

After the desert was consumed, Nickolaz was walking all around the place making sure everything was safe and secure due to the currently storming weather outside. Sheera also did the same. Loui and Kenny were observing both of them. Loui soon decided to make his move and grabbed Nickolaz by the waist with his tail. He smirked at his catch. “Now now Nick… all puppies need to sssstop running at ssssome point…. the placcssse is sssafe… why don’t you take it easy now…?” He hissed seductively. Nickolaz tried his best to resist. “I’ll be there with you in a bit, buddy. I still have to-” Loui soon had his hypnosis on as his eyes were filled with rings of different shades of purple looking directly into Nickolaz’s eyes. “You worked ssssso hard, Nick… it’s time to relaxxssss….” he hissed even more seductively. Nickolaz’s eyes widened at first reaction to the spirals. “L-Louiii…” he said trying to resist, but to no avail as his eyes soon mirrored Loui’s rings. Loui stroked Nickolaz’s ears smiling due to how soft and velvety they were. Nickolaz soon had a goofy smile as he went under Loui’s hypnosis and coils. Loui began to nuzzle the wolf man in his soft coils. “Sssssoooo ssssnuggly you are,” he said seductively as the two were both enjoying this. “My wolf man needssss to sssssleeeeep…” Loui went up to his ear and nibbled it playfully. He then looked at Nickolaz’s face as he was getting sleepy. “Ssssleep Nick, Sssssssssleeeeeeep….” Loui hissed soothingly as Nickolaz responded with a yawn slowly closing his eyes.

Kenny observed and soon had an idea grinning. He knew Sheera wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon due to her organizing and preparing for things ahead of time. Kenny decided to be still, stealthy and quiet as he heard Sheera fast walking down the stairs to where they all were. Sheera came down and went past Kenny, Loui and Nickolaz into the closet. She reached in and pulled out some towels to prepare for tomorrow’s bathings for all of them. As she semi-dashed past Kenny, he smirked as he used his tail to grab Sheera by the leg. Sheera gave a bit of a yelp as he did that. Kenny was definitely cunning. He smirked and lifted his catch close to him. “Now now Sheera honey, where do you think you’re going?” He asked smirking seductively at her. Sheera blushed for a second and then shook it off. “I’m trying to get some things together. I have to check to see if the heat is still able function so that we can all have good showers in the morning, prepare ingredients for tomorrow’s breakfast, making sure everything is safe and secure,” “Perfectionism are we?” Kenny remarked in a more seductive tone. Sheera blushed, but once again shook it off. “I have to check the heat,” “I already checked it,” Kenny interrupted. Sheera twitched her ears knowing all too well that that was a lie and an excuse to stop her from preparing. “You don’t know how to do that,” Sheera responded. Kenny soon placed a coil around Sheera’s waist. “Sheera, you’ve worked so hard today. Look at what you’ve done, you and Nickolaz both took me and Loui in from a snowstorm, you gave us a wonderful meal and a fantastic desert that we know the both of you worked well on. I can see that deep down you are indeed tired. Why don’t you let your senses cease to resissssst..?” Kenny hissed semi-soothingly. Sheera soon blushed even more, but once more shook it off trying to struggle to get out of her naga friend’s grasp. “Umm… uh… I just…. have to….” Kenny soon knew where this was going as he had his coils position Sheera to face him and soon decided that I was time. “Sssheera my dear…” he said soothingly as he soon had his hypno rings spiraling in his eyes. “You need to let your body resssst…” Sheera’s eyes widened as a reaction to seeing his spiral rings. “K-Kenny… P-please… J-just…” Kenny gently placed a finger on Sheera’s lips to stop her from talking. “Husssssh now pretty darling…” he said soothingly as Sheera’s eyes soon started to mirror Kenny'sdew slowly. Kenny then removed his finger and soon let his hand caress Sheera’s cheek ever so gently. Sheera began to fox-purr as Kenny did this. It was a weakness of her’s. Kenny grinned and kept going knowing that she was slowly, but surely going under. “Now, my sweet girl… won’t you please sssstop doing thisssss..?” He hissed soothingly. “I just.. want to make everyone…happy…” Sheera answered sleepily as she had little resistance left. Kenny smiled at this. He knew Sheera all too well. She tries her hardest to make everyone in her life happy, but she rarely ever treated herself to anything. “You want to know a way you can make me happy Sheera honey?” Kenny asked as he kept caressing Sheera’s cheek. Sheera kept staring into his eyes as her eyelids were beginning to grow heavy. “Y-Yes..?” She responded. “You can stay down here with me, let me embrace you, snuggle with you as you sssslowly, but ssssurely ssslip into a sssilent sssslumber,” Kenny answered soothingly. “Won’t you do that for me?” As more rings were going in Sheera’s eyes, her eyelids were growing more heavy. She nodded her head slowly. “Y-yes… K-Kenny…” Kenny smiled as he laid Sheera and himself in a soft pile of coils. Kenny let Sheera rest her head against his chest and wrapping his arms around her and covered her bottom half with some of those coils of his. He began to snuggle Sheera. Sheera purred more and nuzzled him in response. Kenny knew she was going under his spell even more as he knew the perfect way to top all of this off. He took in a few deep breaths to lull Sheera further and began to sing.

“As the snow clouds of gray grow more dark,

The moon rises up and clears any spark.

My sweetheart lay ssssafe and ssssound in my arms ssso deep,

Close your eyes, and go to ssssleep…”

Sheera was extremely close to falling asleep. Her Kenny-filled eyes were there even more than when Kenny’s trick began. Kenny moved his face close to Sheera’s ear holding her close to his chest. “Ssssleep…” he hissed soothingly. Sheera responded with a sleepy moan as her eyelids soon covered more of her Kenny-filled eyes. Kenny hissed again. “Sssssssleeeeep…” Sheera’s eyes responded as they closed even more as very little of her Kenny-filled eyes remained open. Kenny smiled and caressed her cheek ever so soothingly and hissed into her ear once more. “Go to ssssssssssssleeeeeeeeeeeeeep….” he hissed soothingly as Sheera let out a final yawn and moan as het eyes soon closed completely falling asleep and resting her head against Kenny’s chest. Kenny soon had his eyes return to normal as he continued Caressing Sheera’s cheek with one arm wrapped around her upper half. He was soon content to have his sweet friend with him in his coils. “You worked so hard today to make sure all of us were okay. You deserve this. You will be here in the morning, I will wake you. But for now… sleep well, my dear Sheera,” Kenny said soothingly kissing her forehead as she snuggled up with her wrapping her once again in both his arms and keeping her close to his chest and soon falling asleep himself.

End

—((submitted by hf90))

[tallglassofsweetpea]

Little Darlin’: Chapter One

Sweet Pea x OC, 1950′s AU

Warnings: smoking, underage drinking, mild talk of sex 

(violence, angst, sexual content/smut in later chapters)

AN: Hey guys! This is the first chapter of my very first fanfic ( also the first time i’ve posted any of my writing 😬). I hope you guys enjoy it! Let me know what you think or if you have any ideas or suggestions my ask is open!

Chapter One: “Little Darlin’”

Riverdale, Summer of 1957

“I don’t know who that Archie Andrews thinks he is messing around with that no good trollop Veronica Lodge. I’m SO over him!”

Lily’s best friend Trish had called her on the telephone just a few hours earlier after getting in a fight with her boyfriend Archie for what seemed to be the millionth time since the summer started. Lily had figured they were fighting when her mother told her that Trish was on the phone. It seemed as though the only times she would reach out to her over break was when her and Archie were on the outs. It was the same story time and time again, Trish would hear it through the grapevine that Archie was messing around with another girl, the two of them would get into a fight, and she would call up Lily to convince her to go out and get her mind off of things. Usually the girls would head to Pop’s and order a couple of milkshakes and maybe head to the Bijou to see a film.

The two sat in a booth nearest the door, sipping on their shakes. Lily’s vanilla and Trish’s strawberry topped with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

“Enough about Archie, at least I know I’ll always have you Lil'. Besides, it’s been an awful long time since we hung out just us girls. This is exactly what the doctor ordered.” She decided. “Lord knows I could use some fun!” Lily smiled politely smiled back at her friend. Trish really didn’t have many girl friends, most girls had caught wind of her less than…ideal reputation. Lily didn’t care too much, she just worried about her sometimes. Archie had a bit of a temper and a tendency of being quite possessive.

The bells jingled on the door to the diner.

“Speaking of fun…” she started with a mischievous grin. Lily followed the redhead’s gaze, which was fixated on a group of young men wearing black leather jackets filing into the diner. Lily instantly recognized the jackets. They were worn by the Southside Serpents, a notorious gang that just about ruled the streets of the Southside. Trish let her gaze linger and batted her big green eyes at one of the members, he had perfectly tanned skin, a muscular build, and dark cropped hair. The serpent caught Trish’s gaze, and slowly ran his eyes up and down her long, creamy white legs which were shaded by the table of the table. Trish was absolutely stunning, with her auburn hair and model like physique. It was no wonder guys went crazy over her. Lily could only dream of being half as gorgeous as she was.

She held eye contact with the boy as she took a sip from the candy cane striped straw in her shake and gave him a flirtatious wave. The leather clad boy took that as an invitation and sauntered over to her, standing next to Trish and leaning against the divider between the booths.

“Hey Trish, you’re looking alright.” The serpent said with a wink. Lily looked at her friend with a furrowed brow, not sure exactly how the two knew each other but not sure she really wanted to know.

“Not looking bad yourself, Fogarty.” She batted her eyes up at him, looking through her lashes.

“Fangs, this is my best friend in the whole entire world, Lilian Green. Lily for short. Lily, this is Fangs.”

“Nice to meet you, Lily.” The shy blonde smiled politely at the stranger, giving a small wave and fiddled with the straw in her shake. Fangs shifted his body, looking down at Trish and watching intently as she wrapped her lips around her straw, sipping up more of her strawberry shake.

“Hey Fogarty! You coming over here or did we ask for this kids menu for nothin’?!” One of his buddies shouted from across the diner. The rest of the group joined in laughing.

“Hey mind your business, would ya!?” Fangs yelled back. “Hey, uh, if you ladies are interested we’re gonna head over to the Bijou to catch a movie.”

Lily stammered. She didn’t know this man, AND he was a Serpent. Her parents had thoroughly warned her about those people and the kind of trouble they were capable of.

“Uh…well…w-we should probably-“

“That sounds like fun! We were actually planning on heading over there anyway, isn’t that right Lil’?” Lily widened her eyes at her friend, but Trish paid no mind.

“I promise we won’t bite.” He flashed a toothy grin and straightened up and started walking back toward his group of friends. Trish smiled after Fangs, seemingly in a trance until Lily grabbed her hand.

“Trish!” She turned toward her friend with a questioning look. “Do you think this is such a good idea? I don’t even know these guys! Lily’s voice just higher than a whisper so the group of serpents wouldn’t hear. “I don’t dare ask you how you and Fangs got acquainted.”

Trish rolled her eyes at her friend’s insinuation. “Okay, Fangs and I met earlier this summer by Sweetwater River. I went to go for a therapeutic swim to get my mind off of Archie, and Fangs was there with a couple of his friends. They were having a couple drinks around a bonfire. One thing led to another and…” Trish trailed off. Lily’s eyes widened at her friend.

“Trish…you didn’t”

“What? I’m a confident, empowered woman Lily. Besides, me and Archie were on the outs so it was fine. Actually it was more than fine.” She let out a soft giggle, glancing toward the group that sat behind Lily’s back.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”

“Well, I figured you probably wouldn’t approve of your bestie running off into the arms of a Southside Serpent. You’re always so worried about me. Am I right?”

“I mean…I do worry about you. What if Archie found ou-“

“He won’t find out. He can never know.” Trish declared, Lily felt as though she was being warned. Not that she would say anything to Archie, she wasn’t exactly his biggest fan. Lily sat in silence, finishing her shake. Soon the group of serpents rose from their booth and headed toward the exit. Fangs stopped by their table,

“So i’ll see you ladies there then?”

Trish looked up to him with a bright smile. “Absolutely.”

**

The drive in was bustling with teens as Trish pulled into the lot in her baby pink Chevy. She spotted the group of serpents and parked her car behind them in the next row back. The two girls stopped by the concession stand first to grab a bucket of popcorn and two cherry cokes before heading over to the group of leather-clad studs.

“Oh come on, Lily. I’m just having a little bit of fun is all! Nothing bad will happen. Let’s just go over there, watch the movie with Fangs and then we can head back home okay? It’ll be fine. Besides, did you happen to notice how hot those guys are? Even a goody two shoes like you can’t deny there’s something intriguing about a bad boy.”

Fangs shouted over to the two girls. “You ladies comin’? Movie’s about to start!”

“Be right over!” She flashed him a bright smile and grabbed Lily’s hand. “Come on. Let’s not be rude.”

Trish dragged her over to the group of Serpents who stood in a circle, most of them puffing on cigarettes. They all appeared to be around their age, some perhaps a few years older. Fangs was talking with two other leather clad serpents. The shorter of the two wore an unusual gray knitted hat on his head that looked like a crown. He was a good looking young man, Lily thought. The taller of the two was leaning against the side of a motorcycle as he smoked a cigarette. He had hair as black as night neatly slicked back, save for a dark curl that fell just above his eye. He was devilishly handsome, with perfectly full lips and haunting dark eyes. Lily spotted a tattoo of a two headed serpent on his neck. He was every parent’s nightmare.

Fangs turned to the girls, gesturing towards them. “Guys, I’d like to introduce you to some friends of mine. Some of you might remember my friend Trish,”

“Oh I remember her! You’ve only been talking about her for the last month!” One of the younger serpents shouted out. The rest of the group busted out laughing. Fangs shot him a look before he continued. “And this is her friend Lily. Ladies, these are my buddies Jughead,” the boy with the gray hat smiled politely at us.

“Nice to meet you.”

“and this is Sweet Pea” The taller boy with the neck tattoo looked up at Trish with a curt smile before his eyes shifted over to me. His eyes slid down to my feet and slowly worked their way back up slowly, a slight smirk playing on his lips. Fangs introduced the rest of the gang to the girls. The tall Serpent’s eyes stayed locked her. They had only been introduced seconds earlier and there he was, openly staring at her. Lily felt self conscious under his gaze.

“What the hell are a couple of Northside princess’s doing hanging out with a bunch of Serpents? Didn’t know you were even allowed out this late.” Sweet Pea said with a sarcastic smirk as he inhaled from his cigarette.

Lily quickly averted her gaze to the ground, to the cars, anything but him. However she could still feel his eyes burning into her.

“Only on the weekends if we behave.”

Sweet pea scoffed at Trish’s response, taking another drag from his smoke.

The lights that lit the drive-in were lowered, signaling the start of the movie. Lily found a spot on the hood of one of the serpent’s cars and sipped on her cherry coke while Fangs and Trish sat on what she assumed to be Fang’s car. He had soon wrapped his arm around her and the two of them whispered back and forth during the opening titles. Lily couldn’t help but let out a deep sigh. She knew Archie would be livid if he found out about this. Lily began fiddling with the dainty gold cross that hung from her neck. In her peripheral vision I could see Sweet Pea, who was sitting next to Jughead on the bed of the truck next to where she sat. She didn’t know if she was being paranoid, but she could’ve sworn she had caught him looking at her every so often. For reasons she couldn’t explain, this make her heart race. About halfway through the film, she whispered over to her friend.

“Hey Trish, I’m gonna head over to get some more popcorn, do you want anything?” But her friend was far too engrossed in the Serpent next to her, whose face was now only inches away from hers. “I need to get out of here” the blonde thought to herself. She decided she’d just grab her another coke.

***

“Hello, may I please have a cherry coke and a refill on the popcorn please?” She handed the empty bucket to the cashier.

Lily rummaged through her small mint green purse for some cash and handed it over to the boy at the counter. She turned to wait for her order and bumped into what felt like a brick wall.

“What’s the matter, princess? Bored with watching your friend play backseat-bingo?”

She lifted her head to come face to face with the tall Serpent, Sweet Pea. He leaned against a light pole with another cigarette hanging out of his mouth which was upturned into a smirk on one side. His hair shined in the light from the movie screen.

Lily blushed, embarrassed that she had bumped into him. There was no denying he was a good looking guy. He wasn’t handsome in the traditional sense, he looked rugged and dangerous. H was undoubtedly one of the more attractive men she had encountered, which apparently made her act like a fool.

“Hmm? Oh..uh, no-I uh…I just needed a refill of popcorn is all.”

“Seems to me you were trying to get away from something.”

She thought of saying, “Yeah, you. You’ve been staring at me the past 45 minutes.” but decided against it. “I guess I’m just worried about Trish, that she’ll do something stupid. She’s got a boyfriend, you know? He’d have a fit if he found out.”

“Is that right?” He pulled an amused smirk.

“Yeah, he’s very protective. So I hope you’re not interested.”

“Me? You’re talkin’ to the wrong guy. I’d tell you to warn Fangs, but from the looks and sounds of it,” he added. “think it might be too late, blondie. Besides, can’t say she’s my type.”

Lily scoffed at him.

“Oh please, Trish is everyone’s type, she looks like one of those girls in the magazines. She could get any guy she wanted to ask her on a date.”

Sweet Pea threw up his hands in surrender. “Don’t get me wrong, she’s a beautiful girl. Just not my type.”

“And what exactly is your type?” I asked out of curiosity while fiddling with the dainty cross that hung from my neck.

He didn’t break eye contact as he lifted the cigarette to his mouth, drew in the smoke, and exhaled. “Hmm…nice legs, sweet smile. Recently I’ve developed a soft spot for blondes.” He said with a wink.

Was he…flirting? With her? Lily subconsciously reached up to finger the curled ends of her golden hair. A warm blush crept up her cheeks. She quickly averted her eyes to the ground and stood speechless.

“Hey Lily?” Her green eyes snapped up to Sweet Pea with a questioning look.

“Hmm?”

“You know your popcorns been ready for like an hour right?” The serpent teased her, knowing exactly the kind of effect he had on her.

“I-uh yeah.” The girl laughed nervously, grabbing her popcorn and bottle of coke. He made her feel flustered, and she didn’t like it one bit.

***

When they got back to the Serpent’s spot, Fangs and Trish were nowhere to be seen. Initially Lily was worried, that was until she heard Trish giggling from inside of the car. Although to be completely honest, she was still worried. Lily wasn’t entirely sure what they were doing inside of that car but one thing she was sure of was that Archie would kill Fangs if he had any idea. Sweet Pea and Lily watched the remainder of the film sitting side by side on the bed of Jughead’s truck in silence. Again, she could feel his eyes flickering over toward her every once in awhile. Lily felt like asking if his parents had taught him any manners as a child, but she figured she already knew the answer. The movie came to an end, and Lily left off the bed of the truck. She walked over and nervously knocked on the passenger window of Fangs’ car.

“Hey Trish, we should probably head out, the movie ended and my parents will flip if I come home past curfew.”

She climbed out of the car with Fangs, coyly wiping the corners of her mouth and smoothed out her skirt and said her goodbye to Fangs. “I’ll call you.” Lily rolled her eyes, she couldn’t understand why her friend would do this.

The two girls walked across the lot to Trish’s car and went to get inside. Lily was about to close the door when Sweet Pea yelled out to her.

“Hey Northie!”

She whipped her head over to Sweet Pea.

“I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, right.” She thought. The blonde girl politely smiled back at the handsome Serpent and gave a small wave.

She didn’t want to admit it, but she prayed he was right.

[bellabooks]

National Coming Out Day: Happy coming out stories to warm your heart

Today is National Coming Out Day, where we celebrate the courage it takes to truly be oneself. Many of us have had difficult coming out experiences, but there is also a lot of joy to be had out there when you are embraced lovingly by friends and family. Here are some coming out stories that will give you hope, and put a smile on your face.   “My name is Ariel and I am fairly fresh out of the closet. My journey began about two and a half years ago when I saw Sara Lance kiss Nyssa al-Ghul on Arrow. Before that point, I had been exceptionally good at convincing myself that I was straight, because in my mind, that was the safest bet. I know now that that had everything to do with the heavy dose of compulsory heterosexuality that I had been given when was growing up. My gym teacher in elementary school was a lesbian and by the way that my classmates talked about her, I got it in my head that I didn’t want to be like her because I didn’t want to be made fun of like that. Seeing this saddened me because I had been taught by my mom at an early age that love is love and it shouldn’t matter who you fall in love with. In school, I had to argue against gay marriage and it took everything in my not to burst into tears during the debate because everything that came out of my mouth was a lie. I got uncomfortable when my softball teammates would talk about how they couldn’t believe that people were gay and how wrong they thought it was. As a result, I stayed firmly in the closet for a very long time. I couldn’t bring myself to open up to a world that believed that I was wrong and gross. Every time I would make a move to step towards coming out, I would see or hear something that would send me right back in. Lexa dying destroyed me and all but made me lock the door from the inside. It took some time but slowly, I immersed myself in positive media, mostly bi and lesbian Youtubers, and I worked my way up to coming out to my mom, who long ago told me that she would love me no matter who I ended up loving (she definitely saw it coming before I did). I then told the rest of my family and a few peers of mine. At this point, I am comfortable with who I am, but I only tell people when they ask because I still can’t get past the hate that I saw early on.” – @RoseWilliams157   “I mustered up the courage to tell my mother that I was a lesbian over the Holidays when I was in college. I sat her down and told her expecting the crying and hugging that you see on all of the coming out stories on TV. Instead she said, “Oh I gotta tell Trish! She’s been saying you were a lesbian for years!” Trish is my mom’s best friend and apparently has impeccable gaydar.” – @ellieb2792   “The first family members I came out to were my three brothers. I knew that if I had them in my corner, I’d have the strength I needed to come out to my parents. (Which went surprisingly well.) All three brothers had different, but great reactions. The youngest one said, ‘Figures. You own a lot of flannel and listen to Melissa Etheridge, so, that’s cool.’ Second oldest was surprised, just because he never thought about my love life. He told me, ‘Anyone you want to bring over is welcome in our home.’ The oldest had thought about my love life, apparently, and said, ‘Yeah, I already guessed that, and I’m totally good with it. Thanks for telling me.’ No fuss. They basically just shrugged, told me we’re good, which was exactly how my brothers are, and how I needed them to be.” – @jerzeyredhead   “I can’t really remember when I came out. On the one hand that makes sense, because coming out is something you do in stages, and you do it over and over again. I know I came out to my immediate family four separate times, but I only had to come out to my two best friends once. I believe I was twenty-three years old when I told them, which would have made the year 2009. Bestie M and I were walking around the local Borders Bookstore, one of our favorite ways to kill time. We liked to walk through the aisles and push the books back against the shelf so you could see the different size and shape of each spine. (Bestie M now works for the Library and she has since told me what an annoying thing that was for us to do to the employees, so I apologize.) She could sense that something was wrong. I wasn’t making eye contact, and anything she said to me was met with a monosyllabic response. When we got back to the car I told her that there was something I needed to say. What I remember most about that moment was the fear. I was so intensely afraid I would lose my best friend that even now, all these years later, my heart races just thinking about it. I told her I was gay and she said ‘Okay’. I know she told me she loved me, but I think I stopped forming memories the second I heard those four little words. She asked if she could hug me and I said ‘Okay.’ Bestie J and I were hanging out at the movie theater. We had a few people with us, killing time at the bar before or after the show. She and I were walking back from the bathroom. Despite my very positive experience with Bestie M, I was still terrified. I told her I was gay and she said something like “Gay? Not bisexual? Oh. Alright!”. But it was the fear in my eyes, not my admission that broke her stride. She grabbed my arm and looked me in the face. ‘Lara, you know this doesn’t change anything between us, right?” I didn’t know that, but I know it now. I knew it from that moment on.’ – Bella debut author, Lara Hayes   “So I think first and foremost it should be said that I am a Baptist minister’s daughter with a very religious family from SC. However, we were never taught to hate anyone no matter their skin color, religion or sexuality. But when I accepted that I was a lesbian at the ripe old age of 17, I started to think that it was okay for everyone else to be gay, but not me. Fast forward a year to Sept. 15, 2006. I’ve graduated from high school earlier in the year and I’m dating my first girlfriend. My girlfriend and I had a wonderful evening together and sleep over. The next morning when we woke up around 2, I had a ton of missed texts and calls from my father. I had told him I was staying at my friend Jessie’s house because I assumed he did not know where she lived. Apparently he did. I also thought, ‘If I tell them I’m staying at Heather’s, they’ll know I’m gay.’ So I called my dad and continued to lie about where I was saying that Jessie and I had gone to brunch. He said, ‘Stop lying to me. You’re at Heather’s aren’t you?’ I immediately said yes and he told me to come home so we could talk about it. Heather was amazing about the whole thing and said, ‘If you get kicked out, you can come to me and if I don’t hear from you for a while, I’ll understand and will be waiting.’ I drove home and thus began hours of conversation about my sexuality. Am I gay, am I bi, it is a phase? Yada yada. My mom ignored me for a good portion of the day. My dad turned to me and said, ‘I’m not mad that you’re gay. I’m mad that you lied to me (about where I was).’ After my mother took a nap, she said she was going to go for a drive and my dad followed her. They ended up talking for hours outside. Now you might wondering why I remember the date so well. Well, the day I came out was also my mom’s birthday. Happy Birthday! I’m a huge homo! So I went to my car to get my mother’s birthday present and even though I’m sure it didn’t happen exactly this way, I just remember coming back in and my mom had done a 180. She was happy and excited and everything was back to normal. It has taken my mom a long time to come to terms with it and be happy for me. For a long time she said, “I’m just praying to G-d for guidance.” And even though a lot of people would roll their eyes at her for saying that, I knew that was how my mom was wrapping her head around it and accepting me. 10 years later, my mom and dad have both accepted me and my mother is a HUGE ally for the LGBTQIA community and I no longer feel awkward or weird to tell my parents I’m going on a date. Now I just gotta tell my sister…” – @kaitlynkrieg   “Within six months of my falling in love with a woman for the first time, I had come out to my close friends and my sister. But it took me almost four years to come out to my parents. I initially decided I wouldn’t tell them until the topic became relevant, i.e. I was dating a woman and needed to explain. But my singleness lasted longer than my ability to keep that part of me secret. On New Years Eve of 2016, my parents and I were having dinner at an Italian restaurant. As I was staring at my plate, not registering how the food was tasting, I struggled to find the preamble I had rehearsed in my head. Finally, I brought up the woman I had fallen in love with years ago and that was my segue into blurting out that I date both men and women. I started bawling, not even caring that other customers or the wait staff may have been looking at me. My mom held my hand and told me she loved me. My dad kissed my cheek, rubbed my back, and told me everything was okay. They asked me if I had been wanting to tell them for a while and I said yes. They said that I didn’t have to tell them because they already knew. I corrected them by saying it was important for me to be able to finally tell them. I wiped my tear soaked face, we finished dinner, and then we welcomed 2017 with champagne.” – @nicclee “My first coming out occurred when I was 14. I was in a domestic science class when a classmate suddenly asked me about sexual orientations. I explained the differences and there was nothing more to it. Later that week when I was in church during a lunch break (the church was next door to the school and had “open doors” during our lunch breaks) another classmate, out of nowhere, asked me about my sexual orientation. I, who always felt welcomed in the church, answered and the youth leader, who overheard this, and embraced me with such warmth it made me feel so secure. So the church became my safe place and I have never ever met anything negative about me being not straight in church.” – @Lutter_Lappri   “Alright, so I had been showing signs for most of my life but you know, I’m like 8. I don’t know why I admire Miley Cyrus so much. My brother also had a friend who was a girl and she was so pretty, and so nice and amazing. Totally a crush on her (I literally called her everyday, it was ridiculous). But crushes all around and mostly on girls. So right around the age of 12, like when the gay starts getting stronger and more relevant, I go on Facebook. I am just browsing and I get a message and its from one of my close friends at the time. She states that she has to tell me something important, and then tells me that she’s bisexual. I was confused as hell on what that could mean and then she tells me. My kind is blown. Literally. I am being honest with you. I didn’t know it was possible to like both girls and guys AT THE SAME TIME WOW. Anyways, I was like “wow this explains so much to me” so I go on knowing I’m bisexual, and experiment like everyone else does. My brother knew I liked girls, when I told him and he just didn’t really care. My mom however had to warm up to the thought but now she makes closet jokes whenever possible. I don’t think my dad knows but that’s because we aren’t very close but I feel like he would be fine with it.” – @silkythunder “Growing up in a conservative, religious family in a very rural area meant my parents had rigorous views of the world. Coming out was one of my biggest fears. While I knew from the time I was 12 that I liked women the way I was “supposed” to like men, I worked to keep my secret from everyone. I dated my first girlfriend for four years—all while hiding carefully in the closet. Over the years, I gradually told a few select people. By the time I hit my late twenties, all of my friends knew, and I knew it was time to talk to my parents. We had always been close and I knew how they viewed homosexuality, so I felt like I had a lot to lose. I visited my parents one October, right before my 27th birthday. I waited for an opportunity, continually finding excuses to stay silent. I knew I couldn’t tell my entire family at once. I didn’t feel strong enough to watch several people I love turn their backs on me in unison. I was terrified, but also very much in love and determined. One evening during my visit, I was finally alone with my mother. I knew it was time. I opened my mouth to speak, but words failed me. She pried, asking what was wrong. I shut my mouth and shook my head. After another round of questions, I blurted out that I had to tell her something. She sat down facing me and told me she had a hunch about what I might want to say. Calmly, she explained that she knew I was a lesbian and knew I was dating my ‘best friend.’ She then told me that it didn’t change anything and she poured us both a margarita. I cried, and she hugged me. Life went forward as normal that night, with her telling me she would tell my father and things would be okay. The celebration was short-lived, as my gayness became reality—instead of an assumption they had held for years. My mother’s acceptance, I later found out, was more shock than truth. Over the course of the next several months, there were difficulties, a lot of intense discussions, more than a few times when my calls went unanswered, some hurtful words, and even a period of time when we did not speak. My mother had always been my best friend, so the distance stung. One day, she called out of the blue to tell me she missed me. We talked with the closeness we had before I came out. Over time, we talked about the “difficult time” we had endured in that emotional distance, and we never returned to the ugly place of silence and judgment that had marked the previous months. After she took some time to sort out her feelings, the entire family came around and eventually asked to meet the love of my life. They love me unconditionally, and they welcome her into their home (and our family) with open arms. While they still say they don’t understand, they have made leaps and bounds in their willingness to let go of their narrow ideas of the world. My family is still making progress, and I know they are working on it. It was rocky, but it definitely has turned out to be a happy ending. Coming out and knowing that my family loves me—with full knowledge of who I am—was the best decision I ever made (well, aside from asking my lovely fiancée to marry me).” – Bella author Riley Scott   “My coming out story starts with a note-to-self: don’t make jokes when you tell your mother you’re A: probably gay and B: definitely dating a woman. To sum it up: I made so many “let’s face it, it could have been way worse”-jokes when I came out to my mother at 28 that she was actually relieved when it turned out I was “just” dating a woman. She cried for about 3 mins and asked me not to tell my father. She lasted 12 hours before telling him herself. He called me and asked: “Is she hot?” I said yes. He answered “good” and then wondered if I had seen the last ep of his favourite English whodunnit. My father is a taciturn man. They’ve had a great journey. My now 75-year-old mother and father used to be openly and loudly homophobic. These days, they would happily walk in the “proud parents”-section at Pride. My father cried when my girlfriend dumped me. They’ve never been ashamed or hid that I was with a woman. Then again: we’re Swedish and Sweden isn’t a homophobic country anymore. Being a homophobe is considered very bad form. So the punchline probably is: people can change. Even nations can change. I think that’s a pretty happy coming out-story. – @ClillaryHinton1 “My story is actually kinda funny because when I was in 8th grade I started using Tumblr and my mom found out and asked to see my page which was very gay at the time but at the end of the night my mom, dad and I were all happy and they are still very supportive.” – @erin_tierney2   Photos via Pixabay http://dlvr.it/PtsLRf

[placetobenation]

Tomorrow is another one of those Divas anniversaries – fourteen years to the day since Trish Stratus and Lita wrestled in the main event of Monday Night Raw in a Women’s Title match.

This is a big one, not only because it was just the second time a women’s match headlined an episode of Raw without any pesky men around, and not only because it was the biggest bout yet between the two biggest stars of the era, but also because it was the culmination of a nine month feud that was far and away the best thing about Raw in 2004.

On a personal note, this is the 20th Deep Dive I’ve written for you kind folks, and in an extraordinary and uncharacteristic show of restraint, I Dove Deep nineteen whole times while barely mentioning the greatest of all time, my sun and stars, moon of my life, Trish Stratus. Now, that’s simply because I’m so excited to talk about ALL of these women and there’s so much to cover, but that streak is well and truly over today because for real dudes, Trish Stratus in 2004 is the greatest gift that He ever sent down from the heavens to grace this wretched wasteland of a planet.

She is God tier.

The entire feud is fantastic, in fact, so let me spin you another yarn. There are about three different soap opera storylines to get through here so the short version of this preamble is that in late 2003 Trish and Lita, bestest best friends, were being pursued by Jericho and Christian respectively, the boys made a bet for $1 (Canadian) that they could hit that, Jericho ended up catching feelings and turning babyface, only for Trish to kick his ass to the curb and turn heel and mack on with Christian on the WrestleMania XX stage.

Thank u, next.

You may wonder how Trish goes from breaking Jericho’s heart to making Lita’s life a living hell. After all, last we saw they were bestest best friends! I’ll tell you how. This was all the fault of a women’s battle royal. In wrestling, some battle royals are throwaway. Others change the course of the next nine months of television. This was the match that launched a thousand skits.

It was a couple weeks after WrestleMania, and this particular battle royal was for No. 1 Contendership. Basically all of the other dorks got tossed during the ad break and we end up with Trish and Lita facing off in a big finishing stretch to determine the winner. Despite Trish and Christian still being in the middle of their feud with Jericho, and despite Jericho’s interference late in this match handing Lita the victory, Trish seems FAR more offended at Lita beating her than at anything Jericho is doing. It’s a subtle shift in Trish’s motivation, where the focus of her vitriol becomes her bestie/archrival, Lita, someone she’s comfortable fighting against, instead of a man that she isn’t really a physical threat to. Heel Trish liked to punch down, and Lita was a much easier target.

She had NO IDEA how much of an easy target Lita would soon become.

For reasons that remain unbeknownst to this day, I believe, one fateful day on Raw, Kane decided to interrupt a Divas tag team match, corner Lita in the ring, and forcibly kiss her. Oh yes my dudes, THIS WHOLE THING THAT HAPPENED.

Kane began stalking Lita on Raw every week, with her then-boyfriend Matt Hardy often getting in the middle. Trish Stratus observed her best friend being relentlessly stalked and molested by a psychopathic monster and decided, “Yep. I am going to ROAST THE SHIT OUT OF THIS BITCH LMAO”

She started out with the gold standard of fuckwithery, “Oh no! Look out! Kane’s behind you! BAHAHAHAHAHA!” And just stepped it up from there.

When Kane defeated Matt Hardy at SummerSlam 2004 for the right to marry Lita (I know, I know…) Trish was kind and thoughtful enough to corral the other heel Divas and throw Lita a bridal shower! (And let me tell you, the way that Trish utters the phrase, “Because you have to marry *KANE*” is just… I saw God.)

Then we ALL saw God when she crashed the wedding itself.

If you can get past the outfit, this run in is also basically the greatest speech anyone has ever made at a wedding. “All you have to do is open your heart! Just like you opened your legs!”

Holy moley.

When Lita was impregnated with Kane’s demon baby as a result of Kane coercing her into sex to protect Matt Hardy (hmmm why does this sound so familiar??) who else was there to greet her backstage with jokes about it “festering” inside her but King Dick Trish. That whole episode in fact (Raw, September 6th) was basically a one woman show. She dragged Lita mercilessly for getting knocked up by Kane, turned around and dragged Nidia for yelling at her in Spanish (“I don’t speak German!”), then dragged Nidia in the ring to one of her best matches like the GOAT she is, and then when Nidia started making her comeback, Trish could super not be fucked dealing with it and just straight up RIPPED NIDIA’S SHIRT CLEAN OPEN to distract her and kicked her head off.

I have no words for that kind of thuggery.

But back to our bullshit, when Lita then lost the aforementioned demon baby after an unfortunate and definitely-not-his-fault incident with Gene Snitsky (I KNOW, I KNOW OKAY!), who was there waiting to savage her some more about losing her pregnancy weight and drop lines like “At Survivor Series you’re gonna lose to me, just like you lost your baby” ?? You guessed it! King Dick Trish, the fucking asshole. What kind of prick trolls someone about having a miscarriage? Jesus.

Speaking of Survivor Series, let me catch you up on other, more normal events. At Bad Blood 2004, after an original Victoria vs. Gail Kim defense was changed to a four way with Trish and Lita, Trish, of course, stole the winning pin from under Lita’s nose and won the belt. From there it’s a tale of two women; Trish ruling atop of the Women’s Division as champ, and Lita toiling away in the Utter Bullshit Division. For months they only really ever met in these backstage skits and promos where Trish would body her over and over when she knew Lita couldn’t retaliate. And that was all they needed to make it the hottest feud on Raw.

Finally, in November Lita moved from the Utter Bullshit Division back into the Women’s Division and immediately set her sights firmly on Women’s Champion King Dick Trish Stratus. The match is made for Survivor Series. Jericho hosts a Highlight Reel featuring the both of them in the lead up, and he brings a referee out with him because he’s TERRIFIED of having them in the same room together.

With good reason. They’ve barely laid a hand on each other since that title match back in June. There is five full months of angst packed into this powder keg.

And it well and truly goes off at the PPV.

Trish comes out first and is STILL making puffy cheeked chubby faces as Lita makes her entrance, determined to make absolutely sure of her own death I guess. Lita walks down to the ring and punches Trish right in her fucking face. And punches her again. And again.

Then they go outside and all hell breaks loose. Lita grabs a chair and absolutely WALLOPS Trish for the DQ. Trish BLEEDS. Women NEVER bleed on WWE TV, but Trish got that juice brother. Lita kept going crazy and blasted Trish from behind right into the stairs in one of the greatest camera shots of all time. Trish freaks out spectacularly at the sight of her own blood. And somehow, considering this was an immediate DQ finish for a PPV title match they spent half the year building, this was some great business.

From this point forward Lita is fascinating to watch. You might think she’d go on some crazy tear of babyface revenge going after Trish’s title, but she’s actually the complete opposite. She’s not frantic or wild or in a hurry. She’s… calm. Almost serene. It’s as if she knows at this point that she HAS Trish. She’s got her. She’s finally free to fight her, she already beat the shit out of her at Survivor Series, now Trish is wearing a face mask on her broken nose that Lita can gleefully target, and she knows her day is coming. Lita is completely free to punch Trish in the face all she wants for all of the shit she’s been talking all year. Lita is free. Finally. And so she doesn’t chase Trish. She takes her time. She enjoys it. After all of the crazy shit she’s gone through in 2004, it’s actually a relief to just enjoy beating up a familiar foe in a wrestling match.

I bang on a lot about Trish here, and it’s always the heels that get to have more fun, but don’t sleep on Lita. She was also great during this entire angle (while having to do some truly horrid bullshit) and this part of it in particular was some fantastic work.

So the return match for title is finally made (by the ever-present Chris Jericho in his role as guest GM, in a nice touch) for the December 6th Raw. This show happens to be in Charlotte, not very far at all from Lita’s hometown at the time of Sanford, NC. The Women’s Title gets that main event slot baby. They spent the whole night recapping the feud to build up to it. Jim Ross dropped a great line about how to these women, this title means as much as the World’s Heavyweight Title does to the guys. The scene is set.

But not before one last backstage skit. We couldn’t really have it any other way. Trish had taken to calling Lita “The Walking Kiss of Death” and jokingly asked who’s career Lita was going to kill tonight, to which Lita obviously replied, “Yours” and gave her a big smackeroo. Now, Lita was just being smart here because as we know from this and Mickie James in the near future, kissing Trish before a match increases your chances of having a motherfucking BANGER with her by at least 1000%.

That’s just science.

What is a lot harder to explain with science is how Lita actually survived the match.

Y’all remember THAT bump. Lita hit a tope and landed so hard on her face her body scorpioned ov-argh. Nope. It’s fourteen years later and we know she was fine but man is it still hard to watch. She only came back from the broken neck a year earlier! Lita is officially a cyborg.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it, but it’s a shame that the scorpion bump is sometimes the only thing people remember about this match. What’s important to remember about this match is that IT FUCKING RULED.

The tension was palpable from the bell, and the crowd was ready. Trish took off her face mask and used it as a weapon BECAUSE HER FACE WAS FINE AFTER ALL in a move so dastardly it caused Jim Ross to wig the fuck out on commentary. Lita’s bad bump ended up serving the match, lending a lot of weight to Trish working over Lita’s head and neck during the heat. Lita came back with a powerbomb and the rare and elusive women’s superplex. There were a bunch of great, close nearfalls, and at this point the crowd was going insane chanting for Lita. When she finally went up and hit the redemptive, life affirming Moonsault for the win, people went APESHIT. J.R. literally screamed himself hoarse raving about Lita coming back from all that punishment and winning the belt.

A trillion and three quarter stars.

Revolution or no Revolution, this is still one of the very best women’s matches in company history. And the perfect capper, at that point, to a rivalry that had started all the way back in 2000, and boiled over so spectacularly in 2004. I just love these women.

You can actually watch the full match on WWE’s Youtube here.

That was a lot, and yet like, I feel like I didn’t even scratch the surface with Trish, or even get into half of the stuff with Kane and Lita and all of that nonsense. I’m going to suppress the masochistic urge to dive into it that further, and come back next week to talk about another one of my favourite girls, the unfairly-maligned Divas of the world.

Check it out: No. 1 Contender’s Battle Royal (Raw, April 5th 2004) Trish Stratus vs. Lita (Raw, April 12th 2004) Trish Stratus vs. Lita (Raw, May 17th 2004) Victoria vs. Gail Kim vs. Trish vs. Lita – Women’s Title (Bad Blood 2004) Trish Stratus vs. Lita – Women’s Title (Survivor Series 2004) Trish vs. Lita vs. Molly – Women’s Title (Raw, November 22nd 2004) Trish & Molly vs. Victoria & Lita (Raw, November 29th 2004) Trish Stratus vs. Lita – Women’s Title (Raw, December 6th 2004)

[churchofcharlie]

Random thoughts on the Defenders

Honestly, watching the Defenders just made me want to go back to Daredevil and Jessica Jones (Luke Cage is still fresh, and it was a travesty what happened in the second half of that season).

Am I the only one who thought Sigourney Weaver was draining the life of that show?  No disrespect, it was mainly her character and what she was told to do, but like honestly the worst villain, besides Diamondback.

Speaking of, the fingers of the hand should have been better, Sowande was cool except of course they kill off the black guy miles ahead of the others.  Gao was a toady, which I get they were trying to beef up Alexandra, but come on, she’s beaten up Danny and Matt and in this she gets her ass handed to her by everyone.  Bakuto was one of the highlights of IF to me, so seeing him come back vs. Colleen was cool, but again, he had no presence.

Matt, honey, maybe...maybe she’s just not that into you?  Like I get it, she’s your college sweetheart, but damn bro she’s murdering everyone of her own volition, you two broke up over that and now you’re gonna fall for the same trick twice?

Misty was amazing in this, she was fine in Luke Cage, but a lot better here.  Karen was pretty good here too, I am not a fan of doting over Matt version of her, so glad she was taking ownership and being like “Fuck you Matt, but I want to live, so fine”.  I wonder if they’re gonna have Daughters of the Dragon be like all the female supporting cast, rather than just Colleen and Misty.  Trish and Claire come to mind as strong candidates for joining. Why wasn’t Jeri Hogarth in any of the lock-in stuff?  She was close to JJ and IF, while not being like besties, she was featured in the former and had cameo/was a family friend in the latter.

[placetobenation]

I felt extremely personally attacked watching the Divas Division in 2014.

I checked out of regular WWE viewing for a while after WrestleMania XXX, so the last 12 months or so of television before the Women’s Revolution was pretty new to me as I watched it back. I had a general idea of what happened, but the key detail clearly slipped through the cracks because I had no effin’ clue that I missed out on months and months of BISEXUALMANIA~!

Seriously. Everyone is gay.

There was a LOT of queer shit going on in the women’s division in the latter half of 2014. So much so that I’m convinced that I’m only making about 57% of it up. (Usually I’m making 99% of it up and I accept this about myself, I am a big gay mess.) So here we go, BisexualMania. Strap on. In! Strap in. (Sorry.)

“It’s always summertime for me and my girl Lay…” – Summer Rae

It all started with Fandango. As is so often the case, our lesbian love story begins with a stupid man. Summer Rae had been his regular dancing partner and valet for a while, until ‘Dango the ol’ charmer dumped her via Twitter and started running around with Layla instead. Summer Rae, you can imagine, was not super OK with this.

Her and Layla fought over him, brawling constantly and throwing all kinds of shit at each other, until it all culminated in a grudge match on Smackdown, with Fandango serving as the special referee. Instead of letting them fight he used the match to dance with himself and hog the spotlight. So Layla and Summer Rae looked at him, looked at each other, and realised what so many women eventually do: this man is really not worth it.

So together they beat his ass out of the ring, and then they lock eyes. And stare. Summer dances, and Layla dances right back. Give and take, back and forth. Then Summer holds out her hand. And gives her The Look. A totally platonic, very heterosexual eyebrow waggle. Sparks fly. The temperature rises. The crowd stirs in anticipation. Layla licks her lips, smiles, and takes her hand. They twirl, they dip, they dance into each other’s arms.

Platonically, of course. Cole calls them “besties” before they can even stop making heart eyes at each other, so they’re just a couple of gal pals, sharing abundant eye contact and an intimate dance together after kicking a man to the curb.

Hetero as all get out.

And that’s how they remained. Summer Rae and Layla, or The Slayers as they called themselves (they even had their own ship name for God sakes!) became a regular tag team for the next few months. A tag team of two gal pals just gal palling around. The bestest of besties. Being super affectionate and dancing together, as besties do. The innuendo is subtle but consistent.

And I handle all of it really well.

Eventually Layla got injured, and I guess like so many couples they just couldn’t get the long distance thing to work, and quietly drifted apart. But for a hot minute it was a sweet subtextual romance.

Little did I know this was merely the appetizer before the main course of the BisexualMania menu: Lesbian Chicken.

“Whatever I can do to get my hands all over Paige, I will do. I’d prefer to get Paige on her back…” – AJ Lee

Paige made a memorable debut on Raw the night after WrestleMania XXX, beating record-breaking champion AJ Lee for the Divas Title. A few months later AJ returned the favor, making a surprise return to TV and defeating Paige in an impromptu title match. From there the story is that the two women become “frenemies” – in-ring rivals who also claim to be best friends – as they battle over the championship for the next few months.

The whole thing is actually Paige’s idea, at first. She’s trying to mess with AJ Lee’s head and gain a mental edge as she attempts to win the Divas Title back. She calls AJ her “frenemy” (but in a good way) and talks about how much she respects her and how close they are. As friends. The bestest of besties. Gal pals, even. They’re getting along to an almost nauseating degree. Pretty soon Paige starts skipping around and declaring her love to AJ.

Platonically, of course.

Just before SummerSlam, Paige snaps and throws AJ off the stage and then calmly goes, “I still love you, call me when you feel better!” The week after she writes AJ a love poem. This confusion gives Paige the mental advantage she wanted and she takes the title back at the PPV.

The problem for Paige is that she poked the crazy. This is AJ Lee we’re talking about. Professional Crazy Person. Paige opened the door, and AJ is about to skip on through it and show her how it’s really done.

Paige dedicated her first match as champion to AJ, so AJ came out and told Paige she dedicated her LIFE to her! This is full on, Crazy Eyes, ‘0-100mph in less than ten seconds’ AJ Lee. Paige freaks.

You can’t out-crazy crazy.

Paige awakened the beast and now some very queer things are starting to happen. AJ cuddles up to Paige, then maintains very direct eye contact as she kisses her on the… hand. She offers her Valentine’s Day chocolates in a heart shaped box. Then there’s even more eye contact when they both lean in and kiss… the title belt. They have a tag team match and Paige very deliberately and seductively wiggles her ass in AJ’s face on the apron.

I’m sure this is all starting to sound like fan fiction to you too, but I swear I’m not making any of this up. I mean my God, AJ Lee regularly does guest commentary on Smackdown during this time and there is legitimately more than one occasion when she fair dinkum misses her cue to speak because she’s too busy ogling Paige.

The things she says about Paige while she’s out there, by the way… I can’t repeat. It’s just too gay. But this is a full blown, four-alarm queerbaiting emergency now. They’re both flirting with each other as much as is humanly possible on a PG show just to see who blinks first. Lesbian Chicken. Once again, I handle all of this really, just, super well.

I should probably note for the record that when it came to Lesbian Chicken, Paige is the one who blinked, becoming increasingly rattled and replacing flirting with petulance when she couldn’t regain the title. You can’t out-crazy crazy, after all. Sadly all this was about as coherent as the angle ever got, besides the Lesbian Chicken it was a pretty big dumpster fire narratively speaking, but hey, welcome to 2014.

Besides, after a while you’ve had enough chicken. Luckily the rest of 2014 was serving up delicious helpings of BisexualMania dessert from everyone on the roster.

“I find it hard to focus on what you’re saying right now when I’m seeing Paige do *that* to Emma…” – Renee Young

The Bellas get involved in BiMania when Nikki challenges AJ at Survivor Series and when the bell rings, Brie grabs AJ and kisses her to distract her for the screwjob. Maybe Brie was just going for it after she dressed up as AJ during the build and instead of being offended AJ was kind of… impressed, saying Brie looked much better in her clothes than she did.

Paige ended up rebounding with Alicia Fox – platonically, of course – and they got a bit gal pally themselves, like when Paige would go on commentary and bang on about Foxy’s “smouldering eyes” and how she loved it when she screamed. She also kept the flirty affectations she picked up in the ring – like crawling slowly along AJ’s body before delivering headbutts – and used them on everyone going forward. In fact, Paige being too handsy in the ring became a minor Total Divas plot point when Paige licked Nattie’s face in the middle of a match without her consent.

Now, speaking of Total Divas.

And Nattie.

Season 3 was in full swing during the fall of 2014, and one of the highlights was Rosa Mendes being a big bisexual mess flirting with everyone in sight. And by everyone, I mean… Nattie. At the same time, they started pairing them on WWE TV with a veteran/rookie gimmick, and when Rosa valets Nattie let’s just say that she’s… very supportive. Shoulder massages are involved. I swear to God there’s even a moment after a match where Rosa is holding onto her unnecessarily and Nattie has to politely peel Rosa’s hands off of her bare skin.

Once again, I am not making this up. Once again, I handle it well. And I’m not saying this was gay, per se, it’s just that… OK yes this was super gay. Everyone is gay.

Back on Total Divas, there’s no rest for the queer when some marital troubles develop between Nattie and TJ, as they often do on that show. Nattie is feeling neglected and lonely and Rosa Freakin’ Mendes takes it upon herself to shoot her damn shot and kisses Nattie in the middle of the club. It all gets resolved before the credits roll but my God in heaven, for a second there Rosa legit worked herself into a shoot here over BisexualMania.

Ev-er-y-one. Is. Gay.

OK. Let’s just breathe for a minute. I swear I’m actually going somewhere with all this.

One of the main goals of me writing this series is to look beyond the objectification of these women and view them as wrestlers. And yet here I am giggling away like a schoolgirl at everyone getting it on. I know, right?

For some reason this stuff feels different to the standard sexual exploitation of the Divas we’re used to. And not just because it’s gay – they’ve done their fare share of lesbianing before: HLA, Torrie and Dawn Marie, Trish and Mickie – and it was always very sexualised. Always produced by the male gaze, for the male gaze.

The stuff with AJ and Paige didn’t feel quite like that. It was more… subtle. More cerebral. I’m infinitely curious to know how much input AJ and Paige had into the things they were doing, because it felt a lot more, dare I say, female driven.

I think it’s partly a result of the company moving into PG, sponsor-proof programming and avoiding overt sexualisation, but I think it’s also partly a result of the wrestling world and pop culture changing as well. Wrestling itself has been slowly moving away from being a blue collar, blokey pastime to becoming much more a part of nerd culture. One of the hallmarks of modern fandom is the relationship between entertainment and the queer community, incorporating maintext representation, subtextual innuendo and queerbaiting, and the endless shipping and creation of fanart and fanfiction. (Wrestling is no different – Google “The Shield” and “fanfiction” if you don’t believe me. Also, Google any of these things if you don’t know what I’m talking about.)

As wrestling, and WWE, slowly becomes more diverse, and more inclusive, and more ensconced in internet fandom culture, there should also be more room for these kinds of ideas and stories and characters to develop. It’s not just about diversity either, it’s really in all of our best interests. Some of the most memorable storylines in WWE history were romantic: Randy Savage and Elizabeth. Hunter and Steph and Angle. Saturn and Moppy.

There are myriad ways to incorporate romance, and sex, and queerness into wrestling storytelling without it being exploitative or sending us back to the Attitude Era. Now, I have less than zero faith in WWE to be able to do so because, well, frankly they can’t even write straight white male wrestling at the moment. But the potential is there. One day soon I hope it’s realised.

I said in the beginning I felt attacked by BisexualMania 2014. I think mainly because I had no idea it was going on at the time and I feel robbed of the experience. But in all seriousness, the fact that all of this brazen queerness exists on WWE TV makes me feel the opposite of attacked.

Anyone who identifies as a minority knows how important it is to feel represented in pop culture. Because of the… shall we say the base nature of wrestling, I’ve never really harboured any great hope of much in the way of real, affirming representation, whether it be of women, people of colour, LGBTQ+ or anyone else. I mean, it says something that graduating from gross exploitation of women to callous queerbaiting can be seen as a massive improvement. It also says something that while the company has its first openly gay women’s wrestler and sells rainbow Balor Club t-shirts, they still turn around and do shows in KSA and still steadfastly refuse to engage in queer storylines in 2018. That’s the difference between WWE’s current brand of self-congratulatory, public relations social policy for show, and actual change. Change that shows in the stories presented on TV, that shows in the make up of the locker room, and in the make up of the writers’ room too.

I’m drifting wildly away from the point. I guess as with all things WWE, and particularly all things Divas Era, they can do better. Much better. But I’m gonna take what I can get. And for a few glorious months in 2014, BisexualMania was runnin’ wild.

I appreciate the space to get this big gay weight off my chest. Regularly scheduled, only moderately gay programming will resume next week. In fact, last night’s glorious return of Maryse the wrestler and her theme music reminds me that I really need to tell y’all about Maryse the wrestler and her theme music, so stay tuned.

Check it out: Layla vs. Summer Rae (Smackdown, July 11th 2014) AJ Lee vs. Paige – Divas Title (Battleground 2014) AJ Lee vs. Paige – Divas Title (Summerslam 2014) Paige vs. Natalya (Raw, August 18th 2014) Paige vs. Natalya (Raw, August 25th 2014) AJ & Paige vs. Natalya & Rosa (Raw, September 8th 2014) Paige vs. Summer Rae (Smackdown, September 12th 2014) Paige vs. Nikki Bella (Smackdown, September 19th 2014) Natalya vs. Summer Rae (Raw, September 22nd 2014)