#im sorry guys.

[zer0brainc3lls]

I sleep so I can see you 'cause I hate to wait so long

story summary: Thomas struggles with heart wrenching loneliness. this manifests in this dreams through blonde hair and touches that never happened. (this drabble is inspired by this post!)

TW LIST: depictions of grief. (if you are struggling with grief please reach out.)

genre: canon compliance, hurt/no comfort. (seriously this is just sad sad sad. no happiness here. you have been warned!)

word count: 971

Thomas found himself in the map room as he did on many days, his hand cramping from writing while his eyes burnt from lack of sleep. If his gaze could burn the maps before him, they would have been in an uproar of fire 3 hours ago. The thought of resting his head, just for a moment, even though he knows the outcome, comes to him and he gives into the impulsive urge as he has many times before. Knowing his future self will scold him for the pain in his neck come daylight. 

He doesn't hear the uneven footsteps enter the room, or the presence behind him. A quiet chuckle fills the room that sounds so distant, yet so calming he doesn't question the source as his eyelids grow heavy. Just as his vision grows dark he feels lean hands rest on his shoulders, he mumbles incoherently as familiar fingers find their way into his hair, rubbing and scratching his scalp softly. 

“How many times do I gotta drag you outta this room, hmm tommy?” Newt’s voice is so far away yet so close, as if the sound came from his own brain instead of the boy's pale lips. The brunette merely hums in response, in his dazed state wishing for the fingers to never leave his tangled hair. A warmth washes over his body, a smile playing on his lips comfortably at the blonde's presence. 

As if that single thought brought the action to life, lean fingers slip away from his head, a grumble of annoyance making Thomas’s throat wobble. He distantly listens as Newt presumably grabs a chair, the chair coming to his left, Newt places himself in said chair and must be facing him, because even as Thomas's arms cover his face he can feel a sad gaze on him. A moment passes in complete silence, Thomas’s gut clenches for some odd reason, somehow knows once the silence is lifted.. Something will happen. 

He lifts his head, Newt in his peripheral vision as he faces forward, Newt resting his head on his arms facing thomas. His cheek squished against his forearm. He sees Newt raise his head, now resting his chin against the palm of his hand. Thomas presses his face back in his own arms, his inside of his arms almost shielding him from whatever near future makes him so sick. Newt rests a hand on the back of Thomas’s neck, his touch soft and gentle, coaxing Thomas’s head to come up.

Thomas sits with his shoulders slumped, his eyes on the incoherent writing in front of him. “I told you to take care of yourself.” Newt says almost as kind as his touch, his scolding light. Thomas can't pull the memory from his brain where Newt would have said that, his chest throbs at the words either way. 

Newt’s hand slips away from Thomas’s nape, his neck feeling much colder as the touch ends. Much to Thomas's delight, Newt cups Thomas's cheek and pulls his face to make Thomas face his gaze. “You need to leave me.” Newt’s words sound drowned, as if they were underwater. Thomas opens his mouth to speak, the words he wishes so desperately to say unable to be vocalized. 

im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry he thought. He doesn't practically know what he's sorry for. 

Newt’s other hand makes its way to the other side of Thomas’s face, the brunette leans into the touch desperately, trying to soak in the feeling. Before he knows it tears spill from his eyes which the blonde wipes away without a second thought, the only thing holding Thomas steady is hands on his face. The only thing that will ever keep him steady. 

Newt came closer, despite the fact how badly Thomas wished to meet him halfway his body seemed to be frozen, he felt frozen. The only thing not impossibly cold being Newt’s hands. Newt brought his lips in between Thomas’s furrowed brows, a shaky sigh escapes Thomas. The kiss is impossibly gentle and lingers for an impossible amount of time, Thomas feels himself slipping from the moment, being pulled away from the oh so lovely feeling of Newt’s hands and lips. 

Newt pulls away, once he does the blonde presses his forehead against Thomas's. “So much guilt, even while you sleep?” 

Thomas opens his eyes and doesn't find blonde hair and freckled skin, he finds darkness and a damp pillow. 

His heart is racing, hammering into his ribs, his breathing no slower. Thomas realizes in his sleep he brought a pillow in between his arms, he stretches his arm out instinctively, reaching out for the warmth of Newt’s body.

…

Oh.

Right. 

It's been almost two weeks since arriving at the safe haven, he almost always wakes up strangling onto something. Whether that be pillows, sheets or his own waist in a quite pathetic manner. He remembers when he used to wake up to a sore back or neck from sleeping in cars and up against walls, even now, in his bed he would give anything to go back because any amount of discomfort would be worth it to wake up to the scent of mint and the feeling of Newt’s warm body against him. 

His chest shakes, his lip wobbles as he tries to fight back a sob. He pulled the pillow closer to his chest and the thought of Newt’s head resting in his lap, smiling up at him with a slightly crooked tooth smile broke the dam. He clenched his eyes shut bringing his legs to his chest, becoming as small as possible as he wept. The forever now carved into his bones chipped deeper and deeper until it felt as if he would never move again, he was forever stuck with stinging eyes and wobbly cries.

Authors Note: yeah i told you this was sad. this was supposed to be a warm up for a night time writing sesh then i got distracted.. ate.. watched youtube.. and suddenly it was 10 o'clock. sorry guys 😭 im sorry i haven't updated any of my wips in weeks.. please take this as a formal apology I'm tryna get back into my writing game :( anyways tell me what you think (if your not sobbing to hard like our boy thomas here. bro cannot catch a break.)

(anyone interested in my compass IT IS NOT ABANDONED. I PROMISE. also expect rage filled Newt next chapter hehehehe)

[kayakoto-enterprises]

your f/o wants you to stay alive. your f/o will help you take care of yourself physically and mentally. They'll bring you/buy you your medication. They'll clean up your wounds or scars. They'll accompany you to therapy. They don't mind, i promise. They don't mind holding you closer because they want you to feel so loved and. To feel them stay. They may seem like they wouldn't care if you got hurt or passed but I promise they'll be devastated and hurt and confused. They'll need you. They'll hold on to pillows and still wonder if you're coming home late. Please. Please know they care.

[lettuccine]

i cant stop thinking about a post by @possamble so i made this

inspired by this

based on a fanart by BugsGay on twitter

[youthofpandas]

What’s up with how the dunmeshi fandom just lies about this kind of stuff all the time. It is easily confirmable information that it was a monthly series, something incredibly common in the industry.

A not weekly magazine schedule is literally common !! Especially in the seinen shoujo and josei demographics, sometimes monthly, sometimes biweekly, sometimes every two months, sometimes seasonal! Please stop lying about how Dunmeshi was some special unique creation that defies all standards of manga just to hype it up because it is so clear that every single one of these comparisons is centered around Weekly Shonen Jump (and understand that SJ has many magazines under its brand that are monthly or semimonthly). Not everything is WSJ and it needs to stop being the only point of reference in conversations like this 🤧

[girlnextvore]

The 4 types of white lesbians

[hoodedjelly]

The Square Root Of Two

[thebigcomed0wn]

im so serious if you cant imagine a single female character u like or you coincidentally only care about men or imagine that women are a different species of human that are impossible to draw or write about or relate to, You are the problem. its not because you’re gay it’s because you do not like women

[borealiszero]

People should make more doomed by narratives siblings relationship.

Like with lovers you can just sever it and not have it related to you ever again but with siblings how could you?

You grow up with them you raise them or they raised you you both know how unforgiving the world is to both of you? You would die for them but will hate them for doing the same and yet none of you would regret it and both of you know it. They could be the person you loath the most and miss the most cause you still remember how they sneaked a candy into your hands. You can sever the tie but you can never look away at what you've lost, at whom you've lost because fate doesn't allow you to be together, eating dinners in quiet peace, if only there's another life, another time, where i can make you another plate of pancakes i would im sorry im sorry im sorry —

[sunlit-mess]

Do you think you'll kill for me one day?

Yes, of course, I will, my darling

[kendyroy]

personal space is non-existent between them

[ronanxing]

harana

[callisteios]

Hi, feel free to take my new uquiz to discover what kind of vampire you are!

[bethrnoora]

me playing skyrim: hey can you wait here while i cross this river to check something out

my loyal companion cicero skyrim:

hey click here

[ylissebian]

WOMEN ARE MY FAVORITE GUY 💥

[extravapalooza]

more bits from 'a world of plenty'. gay cyborg sex forever and ever

[rusticfurnace]

// GHOSTSOAP x sailor song! (🔊 ON ) // suggestive imagery ⚠⚠⚠ individual panels: