#im some fucked up mix of this and needing constant attention and i think it also has to do with the person in question

[blingblong55]

Good girl behaviour -Simon 'Ghost' Riley NSFW

Based on a request:

God I need Ghost to fuck the reader out of jealousy, but denying every fucking orgasm, and when the reader apologies for flirting with someone to have his attention, he says "Apologizing now won't give you an orgasm little bitch"

F!Reader, smut, MDNI, 18+, jealous!Ghost, denied!orgasm, rough!sex, fingering, dom!Ghost, degrading, oral!sex, establish!relationship

You have been needy all day, you wore the pretty little skirt he likes but still, he didn't pay attention to you. You wore the shirt that shows your cleavage best and still, he didn't pay any sort of attention to you. That was until you two went to the market, he wandered whilst you talked to the man in the aisle, moving certain ways which made him notice your body more. Your voice so soft and innocent, "can you reach for that, im not as tall as you~" you get on your tiptoes to demonstare and thats when Simon comes in, grabbing the item and walking away with you, his arm snaked around your hip.

At home, he fingered you too much and each time he knew you were close, he would slap your tits and stop. Three orgasms were denied and by some point, he had you on your knees. A collar around your neck, leash on his hand as he watched you whimper. "Don't act innocent, R/N." he tightened his grip on the leash, choking you more. You give him a pouty lip, and you knew best, no brats were allowed in his bed. "You're nothing but a useless cum slut, R/N." he spits out. You whimper once more and he slaps you lightly and chokes you with his hand.

"You know I won't let you cum for what you did back in the market, sluts like you are worthless and don't deserve to cum, especially when they know getting fucked by me is a privilege." Your eyes pleading for any form of release, your pussy against his boot, the aching clit of yours screaming for him to fuck you. But that is how he is, training you to be the ideal cum slut for him. "Do you think I'm going to give you want you to want when you whimper?" he chuckles and cups your face, "My love, this is not how it works, not one bit, my darling," his voice smooth as silk.

"If you want to apologise, use that mouth for good," he says and you pout more. He grabs one of your tits and licks the already hard and sensitive nipple. Your piercing occasionally gets moved around in his tongue. You moan and squirm only for him to stop and get up. "Simon-"

"No, I'm not entertaining an orgasm for you and you better stay there like the good girl you are."

Minutes later, he comes back, cuffs in one hand whilst the other holds his drink. He sits down, "Make me cum first and I'll maybe think about fucking you." he unzips his trousers and you knew the drill by now. So, you reach for his cock, taking it out and before even daring to let your lips touch it, you look up at him. "Do it, darling." he nods and your tongue licks his tip.

Soon enough, he fists your hair, pushing you deep, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat. You gag and drool all over his shaft, your throat a guaranteed soreness for tomorrow. The stickiness of his body mixing with yours. He pulls his cock out, letting you breathe, "You're doing so well my darling, but take me like the cum slut you are, don't want to disappoint me now, do you?" You shake your head and he smiles, a soft kiss on your forehead and he goes back to that fucking you.

You mascara running down your cheeks, he wipes them off, "you're being so obedient, my love." he whispers as you continue to get throat fucked by his massive cock. You gag more, the wet noises filling the bedrom, your red tits getting abused by his constant slaps. He then chokes you, adoring how you gagged more on his cock and the feeling it gave him bringing him more pleasure. Once he begins to cum inside of you, he slows the thrusts and pulls his cock out of your mouth.

The white and stickiness of his seed falling down your face like drool. And before you can react, he grabs your hips, and with a desperate move, he slams you on the bed. Your back on the soft blanket, your thighs on his sides as he removes your panties, two fingers inside of you before he begins to eat you out. His tongue already savouring your juices, your clit swollen and ready to be fucked and pleased. "Beg me to suck on this precious clit, darling." he looks at you, you are already a mess and can only nod. He slaps your pussy, "I said beg, bitch," voice low with a growl. "Suck my clit, please, I need it, please~" your eyes shut.

His tongue and mouth bring you waves of pleasure, "cum for me, sweet girl." once more being soft to you. Your clit is beautifully pleased by him, and your body reacts towards the need that you have to finally cum. "Cum, please, I need my little doll to cum." he coos. A knot in your stomach, your fingers gripping the bedsheet underneath, your moans loud, too loud it makes them sound very pornographic. "Say you belong to me," he demands. You look at him, eyes almost unfocused from the incoming orgasm, "i belong to you!" you say between moans and whimpers.

"Fuck!" you cry, your legs feeling weak, his mouth not stopping. And then you let out a gasp, your eyes shut and you finally have your much-needed orgasm.

Your slick coating his lips and tongue. He licks his lips, and looks at you, eyes soft but still with that grin like the devil. "My my," he lays next to you, arms wrapping around you, "You did such a good job, my sweetness," he whispers as he kisses your forehead, a blanket covering your delicate body. "You are my life," he kisses your forehead again. "You belong to me, don't you, R/N?" his calloused hands caressing your soft skin. "Yes," you kiss his hand and he smiles. "Good, that's good my girl."

@liyanahelena @urmajestyzel @karurururu @hope-3429 @ghostslillady @alxexhearts @muffinsncoffee

[darlingpwease]

Oh no.... red just happens to be one of my favorite colors..... /j

but I do plan on taking a break soon.... my eyes are getting stupidly dry so after I finish catching up on some books I'll probs take a break.... maybe.........

Melting??? How bad??? How quick???? Shall I help clean up???? Should I boost up the heating????? /t /pos

Damn.... infections and uncomfortable positions along with dirt,, or somewhere comfy and nice with a sly bubba..... hmm....

I think a hole is safer

Safer?? Tell me Dove, how so?? ...goodness, you don't plan on biting me to death, do you???

I feel you, I feel you. I'm quite literally a few more /s and /srs mix ups away from quitting /j

it is annoying tho at times, but I will remember the difference, purely out of spite.

HAHAHA NO WAY, THATS EXACTLY WHY I WASNT SUPER INTO IT LMAOOOO

I remember the first time I tried to read regular a×o and I hated the couple dynamic. Especially the "fragile, frail omega always in distress who needs their strong muscular dominant alpha to take care of them" vibes that happen a lot. Or the rape that happens. Yikes.

But when it comes to the more.... diverse(?) aspects of it, I'm feral. I'm so crazy about the ambiguity and how many different ways it can go. Hidden secret love?? Beautiful. Normal on the surface, but goes completely against societal norms?? Stunning. Crazy infatuation, and dependency on one another, due to similarities and also due to knowing juuust how to make things right for one another??? I'm foaming at the mouth. It's so good.

Hhhhhh, getting Yuuta that pretty skirt, you can't wait to take him out on a date and see him dressed so pretty <333 That's why you couldn't help teasing him once you did. Holding his hand while you two walk side by side,, loving the way he gripped onto you. He can feel the vibe pressing against his prostate, he's trying so fucking hard not to cum, not to draw attention to himself– when you gently caress his back, loving the way he trembles as his neck flushes to beautifully,,,

You just couldn't help dragging him to a secluded alleyway and just fuck his brains out,, nipping at his skin as he whimpers nonstop, tears slipping down his cheeks, mixing into the drool dribblin from his chin,,, slipping your hands beneath his skirt before gripping his thighs tightly, rutting into him uncontrollably–

You have to stop, but you can't. You both know the possibility of getting caught, especially right here, right now,, but neither of you can even bother to think of stopping. Not when it feels this good–

Especially with Yuuta gripping onto you, not letting you pull to far away, maybe he wouldn't mind being caught, showing how good you make him feel, how loved,, how he is all yours.

~

Toge swears he's not a pervert. But when such wonderful things are sent to him, he can't just put them to waste now, can he???

He's not a perv..... but when he hears Yuutas and ur voice, he does feel hotter,,

He really isn't one. But he can't help waiting in constant anticipation for you to send something new,,

Ha! A pervert?? How,, how can he.... fuck he can't stop shaking, he feels so so good but can't help but sob on how this just isn't enough–

He really, really couldn't help it when he called you up. You just sent him something new, and with your hoarse moans and Yuutas squealing as you just keep pounding him so hard, so good�� he couldn't help calling you up, almost sobbing on how he wants it too– you fucking him? Him fucking Yuuta?? Maybe both??? And when he hears your chuckle, when you question him, "yeah? Is that so?? Keep talking, love, what else??" As Yuutas cries can be heard in the background, the creaking of the bed, the harsh slapping being heard, oh fuck, oh fuck this is so fucking good~ <333

shdgshdghdhdhd im insane

Nooo no, not insane, perfect mind and perfect thoughts. Could kiss ur brain if I could, mwah mwah, so wonderful <33

Big brain is best brain when it comes to all thoughts, but especially these one <333

Ouch?! ...the cavities are back. Ur too sweet. It's too much!!! What do I do??!?

That's understandable!! Thankfully it was like that, too, cuz then I was able to stumble upon ur blog lol

-panna cotta

sdgdhgdhgdd this explains a lot about your bully behavior </3 /j /pos

take please. we still need your brain & eyes. how do you plan to read how cute yuuta and toge are when they cum if you can't even provide your eyes with a normal rest??? weird </3 /j

or what; are you planning to stop with yuuta??? abandon yuuta??? leave him the same way you refused to handcuff yourself???

very bad, my heart just dissolves and becomes a slurry in my hands, OH, it hurts so much, AH, it even can't be stopped or wiped in any way, WHAT A HORROR, only your kiss can save m—

what vile words you say!!! I am the most sincere and harmless and honest company that could exist!!! not necessarily to 'death' actually...

exactly; between a hole and a nest, the choice is obvious — and it is not a hole <333

so true... one more time and I take up the knife </3 /hj

I don't. I don't remember. only when people ask — then I realize that hey, they're right, there's something wrong...

I've already said that I really don't like hetero omegavers with traditional aesthetics, but I understand you. sometimes fixation on instincts looks creepy, especially when "your body says otherwise😏" and similar crap begin.

but for me, it's rather not the dynamics itself or explicitly implied sexism and biological determinism, but a comfortable distribution of roles. if we take a world where omegas are really absolutely submissive and fragile, while alphas are aggressive and masculine, then the only thing that can be done is to recognize the projection of the writer and move on, that's just how their world works. another thing is when omegas are not fragile and submissive, but alphas make them so by raping and forcibly subjugating — it already becomes unattractively problematic and gross.

I love the traditional one, because that's where I met the idea of an omega who kills alphas by attracting them with his scent; a universe where omegavers exist as a primitive system, only to end up being not primitive people, but those who survived after a massive catastrophe on the planet that destroyed all civilizations and returned people to the stone age; a world where betas breed alphas with omegas as animals, being a 'superior race' devoid of sexual drives and considering themselves purer from that.

I don't like subtext and when it gets too unhealthy for me, but I drag and read everything else <3

shdhhdhdhd you are so so so right & stunning, honey,,,,,, like, so right<3333

Yuuta in a pleated skirt with a high waist, at first shyly circling in front of you, trying not to let the fabric get in and expose the cute delicate underwear that he specially put on for you, — and you constantly praise him, whispering about how beautiful and cute he is in this skirt, you want to bring him out so much and to show everyone his beauty, but Yuuta always refuses, blinking with shame and shy delight at your words. When he finally agrees, interrupting your caresses, whispering a hoarse "yes" to your playful and only teasing offer right now to take him outside, you don't know if you are delusional or misheard — but you don't waste a minute when he nods head at the question, saying in a trembling voice that he agrees and he wants to go out in this form on the street, if you want it too, and you more than want it.

A few minutes are enough for you to be ready to go out, — first taking care of his sensitive body, — holding his hand, wet with excitement, whispering that his skirt is beautiful and his face is wonderful when you pull him behind you, almost instantly closing the door and hurrying outside, forcing him to take long strides and lift his skirt higher, exposing his thighs, making him blush even more, as if Yuuta no longer looks like he wants to hide in the nearest hole — but you seem to deliberately ignore his shyness, pulling him along, putting your hand on his waist, whispering that you will cover if there is a wind, it would be awkward if everyone saw his wet panties,

but after half an hour, Yuuta dreams of the wind that will lift up his sticky wet skirt, maybe then you will pay him a little more attention than the usual questions about his well-being and the frivolous "oh, well, then let's go if you're okay" when he clings to you, squeezing his hips together, being too close to lift up the fabric and show you how bad everything is with him, begging you, but he is ashamed at the very thought of it — breathing heavily, sluggishly moving his legs, feeling the heat of his neck and ears from shame and excitement, knowing that others pay attention to his strange behavior and appearance, everyone except you, and that you ignore him, waiting for him to be able to tell you how needy and wet he is for you.

When you grab his hips, lifting up wet soaked skirt, teasing for how little he needs to ruin his clothes, Yuuta agrees with everything you say, longing only for you to continue touching him, squeezing, kissing while people nearby make noise and walk by, going about their business, not even suspecting that you are about to fuck him in a dark, dirty alley — or suspecting when Yuuta cannot restrain an enthusiastic moan, like an addict, instantly clinging to you when you drive into his overexcited body, which is enough of this rough thrust, — but can still go on when you fuck him in a sloppy rhythm, letting him enjoy all the sounds that his needy body makes, greedily squeezing you, almost forcing you to stay inside with no way out.

But even if you are suspicious, too suspicious, there is no reason why questions should not arise, Yuuta moans through palm with each new touch of your skin to his, more than encouraging you not to stop, digging his nails into your clothes, almost forcibly pulling you to his hot wet body when you are too slow, teasing him with unhurried thrusts, whispering that everyone hears you, knows that he likes to be fucked in the alley; whining your name and begging for more even when shaking from a new orgasm, whimpering from too much stimulation while you drive in despite his need to stop, whispering something dirty, making him feel so shameful and blessed at the same time.

When he hears sounds too similar to someone's footsteps, but you don't pay attention to them or don't hear them? Yuuta's body is tense, so tense that nothing can escape his attention just to make sure that no one will disturb you, but he just stupidly kisses you, not even letting you suspect that he hears something, longing only for you to continue no matter what, repeating your name like a prayer, wanting to be caught and seen, fucked like your toy for entertainment, regardless of whether there is someone else here or not.

Maybe when you whispered that they could look at him, Yuuta likes to be looked at, it was a joke in a much smaller sense than you thought.

Toga feels so messy and hot when you leave him on speakerphone, purring to Yuuta that another participant has joined you, but Yuuta only mumbles something in response, sobbing, whining long — before Toge hears your voice telling what you are doing with him now, how you are stroking, what touching, how excitingly Yuuta squeezes when you stretch him, how he trembles while you stroke him, caressing, soaking his skin with his precum, drawing lines and shapes while he pathetically begs you to stop teasing him, but you only say that Toge should also feel involved, Yuuta is not the only one who should have fun, perhaps you've spoiled him too much.

He does not immediately understand what is happening when he hears a dull moan from Yuuta, a rustle, an inarticulate whisper, which then changes to a slap — and a careful fall close to the phone; understanding occurs only when you start talking again, asking Yuuta to say hello (mentioning how frivolous and excited he is now, unable even to think sensibly from how long you have been playing with him, making Toge whine), explaining that the bed is not too good for transmitting sounds, so Yuuta will hold the phone while you fuck him so that Toge can hear everything well, — you will make sure that Yuuta gets punished if he puts down the phone, — especially what kind of slut Yuuta is for you, constantly begging for more, demanding more and more, offering everything that he can, longing to be bred even with the condition that the other person hears it, as long as you don't stop.

Toge is so sensitive, he hasn't even moved away from the last orgasm yet, but he can't help but touch himself, hearing Yuuta moaning and screaming with delight, gasping, whining, whimpering, begging you for even more, saying how amazing it is, how deep you are, how his body is shaking, no one will ever be able to make him feel just as amazing — and Toge just cums with his nose buried in the pillow, turning on the sound to the maximum, hearing your voice mixed with Yuuta's voice asking if Toge is having a good time too, and he is dangerously close to send you a photo of this mess and show how he feels. When his thighs are sticky and wet, they are probably the same as Yuuta's, but not at all from how many times you have had an orgasm and decorated his body, — and when you whisper in Yuuta's ear (or specifically teasing Toge) that by the time you're done, he won't even be able to bring his legs together, that's enough for both of them.

Toge does not know how to feel when he hears you kiss him, saying that he was beautiful today, such a good boy, you will give him a reward later, and carefully take the phone, ignoring the dissatisfied sigh of the exhausted Yuuta due to the lack of warmth and pressing against his body, asking if Toge feels well, and, having received a satisfactory answer, you will believe that you were happy to talk to him and he can always call you for any questions and problems, you are always open to conversation, just like Yuuta (mumbling something from afar, unable even to answer something from fatigue), and he's not sure how to answer.

(not that he could refuse such friendliness and hospitality.)

... say it now again, seeing all that I have written </3333 im not okay /hj

yes!!! you're just so good, I want to wrap myself around you and listen to you forever <333 /pos

I wanted to answer, but all the answers sound even more creepy than my usual ones, so, xxxx, I'll come back to you later!!! </3333

AWWWWWW <3 thank you so much for bumping into me once and staying with me, dear♡

[buglyknight]

531) reveal

try to take melatonin gummies but theyre

not working right now

i just dont want to be awake

let me sleep and not open my greedy eyes

i stand up and feel woozy

since im not eating

i go grab some mixed nuts

fill up my stomach with a caprisun

and when i do eat

my stomach seems to protest

and

i called myself ugly twice today at work

and someone tried to call me good looking

but i dont care about that even if i dont believe it

he cant see my haunted organs

the cut on my palm

the way i wipe snot on my face

its inside

i say

thats where i keep it

and i admit to someone close that i cant look at myself in the mirror

and someone at work smacks my ass as he walks by

and then someone tugs at the back of my shirt

and angela laughed at how everyone kept

touching me when they walked by

and i was so exhausted but

that tug on my shirt

why did i think of you?

i looked over my shoulder for a second and

why did even a fraction of the quarter of a person that i am

think it would be you?

and

someone at work

calls me naughty

and someone at work

says electrifying

and i think i said

that word has significance to me he couldnt possibly understand

he asked what it meant

and i said

gotta go

everything i do must feel like watching some

constant clown walk through

saying the first thing that comes to mind

and it probably sounded like a joke

like everything i say that i mean

like going back in time and beating myself to death

like that im a shitty cancerous mosquito

like a blood sucking parasite

like how the gun laws are really lax around here

so consider it done

like whenever someone mentions a mom joke i retort

'can you ask her why she said she could never love me'

it always sounds like a joke

im always so facetious so when truth bleeds

through these clenched teeth

nobody will take it seriously

please

dont look at me

as i stand up and for a moment

i dont know what the fuck im doing with anything

i freeze and i just

put my head in my hands and try not to collapse

dont watch my neck twitches

or pay attention to the banging sound

of my hand hitting my desk

when i really want it to hit my head

or when i punch my thigh so that i can bruise

or when my shoulders and spine just deflate

like im losing whatever air is left in my frame

dont watch me flake away piece by piece

dont ask too many questions

theres nothing to unpack

ill tell you today my brain feels like moss and im exhausted

dont peer beyond that

you dont need to see

how i reveal the ugly

[tteokdoroki]

💜- the only thing that has been going through my head today is poly kiribaku but royalty au

Like I do why, but the thought of the kings of two very powerful kingdoms both falling for a servant or maybe a royal florist is so pleasing.

They both have different ways of showing their affections too, kirishima will ask you to show him the different plants that are in stock, and ask questions. He would probably try to be as close as possible to you, not enough to touch you but enough for you to feel how tall and powerful he is.

Bakugou is more blunt, and upfront. Often times when you get back to your chambers there will be an outfit with a note telling(not asking) for you to accompany him during breakfast.

Once they find out about the others affection for you, it just works out for them. Neither of them would object to you three being in a relationship, not to mention they have already have feelings for each other that go deeper than friendship.

They will (or at least attempt to) spoil you as much as possible. Anything you want will be what you get. They also love seeing you wearing each of their families crest.

They are the most attentive partners anyone can ask for. But you do have to give them both constant attention and affection. Especially Bakugou, he gets very grumpy when he doesn’t get enough affection.

You will be sitting on one of their laps while they sit on their thrones. You’ll be sitting on Bakugou’s lap while Eijiro holds your hand. Or vise versa.

They love fucking you while you wear your crown, or one of theirs. Even though their crowns are too big for your head, but when they are fucking you while one of their crowns is slanted and looks like it is slipping off your head, just makes them want to fuck you harder.

Adorned in jewelry, they fuck your pretty holes till you’re babbling nonsense, asking for your kings to let you cum again.

When you really want to rile them up call them “my king” , “ your highness,” or “ your grace” but do not think that calling them “my king” is a way to get out of a punishment. No. They will spank you, making you count and say,”thank you my king” while the other makes you keep eye contact while he pleasures himself to the sight of you being so helpless.

They love making you wear no panties or bra underneath your outfits, knowing how you’re embarrassed and paranoid about being caught turns them in. They love knowing that you’re naked underneath your clothes.

this is an old ask but im currently trying to work my way through them 🥺✨ this one is hella long so imma put a read more and tag some warnings

katsuki bakugou x gn!reader, eijiro kirishima x gn!reader

royalty!au, fluff, smut

warning(s): 18+ smut, exhibitionism, public sex, power play dynamics, oral sex ( male + reader receiving )

i see it as their kingdoms are merging or something and you somehow get caught up in the mix, the palace needing more staff to accommodate for the two lovely princes. katsuki is a brat, no manners but all the money in the world while kirishima is the more polite of the two and is quiet popular amongst the courts. they both need a bride and the one thing they can agree on is that they’re not interested in someone of royal blood, but you, a simple servant trying to get by and earn some money for their family.

their attempts to woo you were often difficult, with eijirou you constantly made fun of him; calling him things like ‘little prince’ to make him blush or to call him out on being flustered. he was kind to you and while eijiro genuinely shared an interest in the tasks at the palace— you often teased him for ‘pittying you’ which made him flustered and turn as red as his hair. katsuki on the other hand is the prince you butt heads with the most; he spoils you with riches and you insist that you don’t need them since you make a hefty living and he can’t seem to get that through his head. He’s rude to you and probably has almost made you cry on several occasions— but he often redeems himself with kind words and apologies that he nearly trips over.

when the two princes are finally coronated is when they actually confess to you and it isn’t a problem for the three of you at all. they promise to wed you and love you unconditionally. you probably encourage bakugou to do his duties and actually act like a good king to his people— he probably finds it one of your most attractive traits that you’re able to lead people so well. kirishima confides in you a lot about his insecurities as a king and you always manage to cheer him up and reassure him that he’s doing the best for his kingdom :((

now when it comes to fucking, you certainly are into a royal treat. the two kings love exhibitionism, they’d gladly rail you in front of the entire court if you’d let them and mayhaps you already have. 

bakugou forcing you on your knees. like a barbarian, telling you to take his cock during a meeting about battle plans. he doesn’t care that some of his most loyal soldiers are watching you gag around his thick length, that they can see tears streaming down your cheeks while mixing with the masses of precum and drool that paint your chin. he loves it. so do you.

kirishima prefers to have his way with you in the throne room, practically splitting you open while he forces you to bounce your sex up and down on his cock as he sits proudly on his throne. whoever walks in will either get to watch you fall apart on royal dick or is banished from the palace forever, depends on what mood he’s in.

but when they’re together, katsuki and eijiro are eagerly spreading your thighs apart and devouring you with tongue and teeth, you could be in the royal gardens or in the middle of a banquet they couldn’t care less-- misbehave and they’ll have you face down and ass up in an instant, greedily slurping at your sex for all to see and hear, forcing orgasm after orgasm from your stimulated holes as the shove their tongues deep inside you, both at once.

only god knows how many precious family embelms and darling royal clothes you’ve ruined from cumming all over them at katsuki bakugou and eijiro kirishima’s hands.

[jolalibrary]

Stood Up + Salads

Diego Hargreeves x Fem!Reader Words: 1.5k AN: Set with a S1 Diego but not S1 or S2 storyline. For a friend, you know who you are.

He didn’t need to look up when the door goes, he knows it’s you. Because when it rains, it pours.

Diego wonders if he should be more upset about his father, rather than being upset he’s had to see the others. Only for him to take his frustration out on you, consciously or not.

The fact you allow the door to meet the frame with such a loud thud is enough of a signal to him that you’re pissed.

Diego takes a second, thinking of his next steps as he swipes his tongue over his teeth, staring at the punching bag, as if it’s going to provide any answers on what he should do. How he could get out of this. Because if he plays this wrong, which he will, it’s going to spiral. Becoming so much worse than it already is.

A whole lot fucking worse.

And it’s already bad.

Hitting the bag once, twice and then thrice, he pays attention to your footsteps nearing. Not turning, not needing to see if your arms are folded, lips pursed and giving him one of you signature dead expressions. He knows you will be, because Diego fucking knows you and you know him.

And he hates it.

He despises that you know about his tick. About his family. About his upbringing, talent and everything else in between. He hates that you suggested calling off the meal before he did, and he hates himself for agreeing to go even if he knew he wouldn’t attend.

Because he’s decided he hates being happy.

He likes being miserable, likes fighting petty crime without anyone to come home to.

“Asshole.”

Rolling his head, he casts his eyes over you. Finding you exactly as he’s imagined. The only—slight—difference is the look in your eyes.

Sadness. A look which doesn’t suit you. One which stands out to him, because he’s seen it so rarely.

It swirls in your eyes, mixing with your usual shade, darkening them as they pin him to his spot. Or try to.

Letting his hands fall to his sides, he lets out a sigh before he can help himself. And the glare you send him is enough to force him to turn to face you.

When it comes to you, he isn’t sure if he hates how close you are to him physically or metaphorically; not sure if he dislikes it more that he wants to kiss you or let you love him.

“Hello to you too.”

Your lips twitch into a smirk. “You don’t deserve a hello.”

“Touché.”

“Surprised you know that word.”

“Under all this, I’m clever y’know?”

“Are you?” you snap, and you roll your lips together.

Those painted plump lips that’s kissed every inch of him. That he’s woke up dreaming about and gone to sleep pressed against.

“You’re angry—“

“Oh, I’m past angry, Hargreeves,” you says, tapping your foot on the gym floor. “I was angry when I was on my second glass, wondering where you were. I was fuming when I left, embarrassed and ready to hunt you down. Now, now I’m almost murderous.”

He hasn’t been called his surname in sometime. Hasn’t found himself in hot waters, with you at least, in sometime. Even angry, he feels your eyes rake down his frame, following a bead of sweat which falls from his neck down his chest and stomach.

Pulling the gloves undone with his teeth, snaps your eyes back up. And he finds himself smirking at you and his own foolishness simultaneously.

Because deep down he’s known this day would come, where you—like most—tired of him. Finding yourself irritated with his ways, of his selfishness and his impulsiveness.

“Let me have it then.”

He throws the gloves to the floor, shifting his weight as he notices the slight narrowing of your eyes. The way your lips twitch, whether a smirk or a smile, he can’t be sure. Usually, there’s less talking when you’re like this; usually you’re already pinned under him or against something. Now, you don’t even look at him like you’d welcome that.

Diego hates you for that too.

Despises that you have gotten under his skin, throwing him off his game. He’s dated. Well, since Patch they’ve not been constant. Real or permanent.

But you, you got to him. He still doesn’t even know how.

You don’t bend as easily, don’t surrender as you should. You fight him, sometimes tooth and fucking nail, and fuck, he doesn’t hate that about you. He loves that. He loves it when you steal the wind from his sail; when you cut him down. You don’t pander to him, you call him out, and he needs that even if he can’t admit it.

He even doesn’t mind that you sooth the insecurity, recognising when enough is enough. Halting anything before it goes too far, leaves too many wounds. You make him want to try to be a little better, even if he fails most days.

“No.”

“No?”

You snort. “No. Because if I rip you a new one, you’ll find some way to say sorry. And, then you’ll kiss me, and I’ll melt, and then you will forget that you’re an asshole.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.”

Your jaw tenses, almost impossibly so. “For someone in your position, you have a lot of snark.”

“Be careful, you may hurt my feelings.”

Nodding, your lips twist before straightening to an unreadable expression again. “Oh, don’t worry. I’m done.”

His muscles relax.

And his heart stops.

Yet Diego is somehow, not as surprised as he should have been.

Even if he looks at you, staring at your eyes and hoping to see a tease, a jest. He looks hoping you will change your mind, that he hasn’t successfully pushed another person away.

“Took you long en—“

“Im done talking,” you continue, cutting him off. Taking closer steps, slow ones, full of purpose as you dig your eyes into him. “I’m not gonna ask you to do right by me, I’m not gonna ask for an explanation why you decided to stand me up tonight. Hey, you don’t even have to talk to me.”

His forehead creases, flicking his eyes from your eyes to your mouth.

“Because I know why. You want me without the commitment, without the expectations of being a good person. You want a hole to fuck, so here I am, Hargreeves. You’ve got one.”

Fuck.

He stifles a sigh, especially as your finger press into his chest, nail digging down into the skin as you roll your lips and then he has to focus on not groaning. Especially when you bat your eyes lashes and smirk so condescendingly he wonders if you’ve been sent to test him.

“You want to pretend you don’t crave normal, that you don’t deserve it,” you continue, looking up at him, “I’ll play pretend. Hey, I’ll become the best damn actor in your movie you’ll ever know. But, I’m done talking.”

You place your other hand on his, moving his to your hip as you smirk.

“So, lights camera action, baby. Where do you wanna fuck me first?”

He feels your lips ghost over his. His hand clenching around your hip. Everything inside of him telling to just go with it, to not talk, to not burst open in front of you.

To kiss you.

To throw you down on the mats and not talk for hours.

“I-I’m s-sorry.”

“No. No you’re not,” you says, full of sadness, your expression not changing to match your tone. “If you were, you’d have come to dinner. You’d have stabbed your fork into the salad before I’d have told you I want street food.”

You didn’t move, and neither does he. Your hand spreading over his chest, his hand still on your hip.

“You don’t let yourself enjoy anything, because what? Your dad was an asshole and your brother went to the moon?” You ask, head tilted. “Diego, I don’t give a shit if you’re number two, you’re number one for me. But you have to try. You have to try at least ten percent otherwise it’s just me, forcing you to be with me.”

He never feels forced. Not with you.

You’re sometimes the only thing which is good. Which isn’t fucked, tainted or ruined. You’re good, if not a bit too sweary and a bit too good at drinking. But, you’re… nice, and unwilling to let him settle.

“You’re m-my number o-one too.”

“Cool.”

“I mean i-it.”

“Nice.”

“Baby, c'mon?”

You sigh. “What, Diego?”

Diego. He’s Diego again.

He doesn’t smile, even if he wants too.

He doesn’t kiss you, even if he’s fighting every part of himself.

He just stares, using his other hand to cup your cheek. “I am sorry.”

“Salad at a fancy place too good for you?”

He smirked. “Yeah, kinda.”

“Good. Because it’s too fancy for me too.”

“So why we’re we even fucking going, baby?”

“Because,” you say, defiance in your tone, “it’s what normal people do. They don’t meet over a bad game of darts and several beers, and fuck on a boxing ring. They don’t fight a literal mugger with trained assassin-level knife skills a month after beginning to sleep together.”

Your shoulders sink, your expression softening. “They date, at restaurants who charge too much and hold hands across parks. And for a second, one tiny fucking moment, I wanted that for you. I wanted normal, meet-cute type romance before we grabbed whatever was in a cart and we fucked on my new sideboard.”

His thumb brushed over your cheek. “I’d have liked that.”

“You’d have loved that. But—“

“I’m sorry,” he says again, softer, more meaningful, “I’m s-s-sorry. I really am.”

“I’m still mad.”

“That’s okay.”

“You owe me a fancy salad.”

Smirking, he nods. “Baby, I’ll give you a salad bar if you want it.”

“I don’t like salad.”

“No?”

“No.”

Smirking, he cups your cheek with more purpose. “What do you want then, baby?”

He watches your eyes darken. "Oh."

"Oh, indeed. You have a lot of making up to do.”

[crab-in-a-pocket]

Hello!! I love your ideas a lot! Can you perhaps to the bachelor/ettes reactions to seeing the farmer dressed up really nicely after being used to seeing them in constant dirty farm clothes? Maybe like just after they realize they have feelings for farmer, or before they’ve realized it at all. Thank you!

cute af idea, sorry i didn't get to this sooner :(

im currently cramming 8 weeks worth of hw bc i procrastinated and i am such a fucking fool. dont be like me. also, sorry to the maru n penny stans but i dont rlly like them and writing them is so hard so theyre not here but i will try to write more for them eventually

HAPPY LATE VALENTINES GUYS

alex:

the kind that chokes on his drink upon seeing you. he probably didn't dress up as well as he should've and you're dressed better than everyone's expected. his eyes keep drifting to you and his cheeks are all warm. he's unsure if it's from the alcohol or the sight of you. he approaches you quickly and you two drink the night away.

sam:

cheeks go cherry red upon seeing you. abigail's the one who notices first-- she points you out, grinning about how well you've dressed up, so much so she can hardly recognize you. sam turns and all sense and breath leaves his chest. sebastian pokes him with a pool stick and sam stutters out a hello, but it's no good, he's speechless.

sebastian:

you're the one to sidle uo next to him while he bends low over the billiard table, aiming for a ball. he greets you but doesn't look up and he only properly sees you when he stands straight again. the shock on his face as clear as day. you'd think he would be the type to stammer, but instead, his mouth curves into a grin and he tells you you clean up nicely. your faint blush completes the look, he thinks.

shane:

like alex, he chokes on his drink. he never bothers to dress up for any occasion and he'd always thought you the same until now. there's a tiny hint of betrayal hiding underneath that mix of embarrasment and fluttery stuff in his stomach. says some self-deprecating remark but compliments you, albeit grudgingly. he hides his smile behind his drink, but it doesn't work much-- you can still see how soft it is.

elliott:

"oh my yoba, the farmer's here, leah. act natural!1!1!1" kinda guy. jaw drops at the sight of you. you were already so charming, even in your admittedly grubby work outfit, but the sight of you in genuinely nice clothes that compliment your body type and your complexion is enough to make him go crazy. suddenly so blushy at the sight of you that he gapes a bit like a fish at first. then it's all smooth flirting from there-- he presses a kiss to your knuckles, probably because it's clean for once.

harvey:

blushy, surprised, but surprisingly enough, a bit more talkative than usual. it's probably because you were intimidatingly cool in your hardcore Farmer Suit and seeing you in normal clothes reminds him that you are, in fact, not a Farming RPG Terminator, sights locked on the dangerous mines, but totally normal, like right now. it's refreshing for him, even if his heart beats a little faster and pounds a little harder than usual at the sight of you.

abigail:

"hey, you look awesome!" is the first thing that falls from her lips. it's true, you do look awesome even in the surprisingly normal garb you're wearing. it's a little weird to see you clean of dirt smudges and hay in your hair, but it's super cool nonetheless. abigail's the one who's got you blushing the whole time.

haley:

math lady meme. trying to find a connection between the Farmer Hottie and the Dressed Up Hottie, and then when you see her, she realizes it really is you, the same radiant smile on your less dirt-smudged face that you give her whenever you see her per the usual, dirt-smudged and all. makes some weird comment about your outfit and you know it's a compliment. after a couple moments of awkward silence, haley's curiosity peaks. she finally bursts out with: where did you get that shirt it's so nice

leah:

surprised and blushy. she stomps on elliott's foot and he loudly complains, drawing your attention. conpliments your outfit and tells you you look great. she gets her bearings and she becomes more subtle in her flirting. elliott leaves because a. He's too Drunk to watch you and leah make goo-goo eyes at each other and b. he needs Another Drink to better ruminate his loneliness. you and leah flirt the night away and it ends with a light kiss to your cheek, butterflies in your stomach and a blush on her cheeks.

emily:

like her sister, she asks you about your clothes. she tells you look absolutely fantastic, your outfit on Point. the two of you chat about clothes but she's mostly thinking about which other kinds of clothes look good on you. she takes this surprise really well and she's cheerful at the sight of you looking comfortable in your dressy clothes.

[bungou-stray-dingus]

I love the one you write about Dazai having a new infant. Could you do the same with Fyodor(・∀・)

a/n : Fyodor is both a baby and an asshole and I love him wholeheartedly. He deserves to be happy too. Thank you for the request!

Fyodor Dostoevsky

You were the purest thing in existence according to Fyodor. He loved you, that much was clear even without him verbally saying so. You didn't have an ability, and you always took care of him  whenever he came home both physically, mentally and emotionally. He worked himself too hard, and it worried you deeply considering his anemia. You'd check in on him constantly to make sure that he was getting enough sleep, that he was eating and he was drinking enough water. Whenever he came home you made sure to give him enough love and affection to make up for the time he missed when he was away.

He was just waking up, always the early riser and he gently kissed your temple before scooting out of the bed, making sure not to wake you in the process. He loved the way your hair would curtain your face, your lips slightly parted as you slept peacefully. He always thought you looked beautiful, but there was something so mesmerizing to him about the way you looked when you slept, he couldn't explain it. You rolled over, your hand absentmindedly reaching out to his side of his bed, feeling around for him, a small pout forming on your face as your eyes slowly fluttered open. "Good morning, dearest." His voice was still coated with sleepiness, and mixed with his accent it was beyond sexy.

You rolled over and looked at the clock on the nightstand, it was only five in the morning, the sun hadn't even risen over the city yet. "You're leaving already?" He nodded to you as he began dressing himself, his fingers carefully buttoning his shirt as his eyes stayed focused on you. "Hmph... well, I'll make you some breakfast before you go." You moved to get out of bed and he shook his head, softly pushing you back down on the pillow, pressing his lips to your temple.

"Get back to sleep. I'll grab something before I go. I promise." He wrapped his pinky around yours, something that you had begun doing with him whenever you promised something. It showed that you were serious about it, you never break a pinky promise, and he took it just as serious as you did. You rolled your eyes but couldn't help the smile that tugged at your lips as he brushed your hair out of your face.

"When will you be back?" You asked, reaching up to brush your fingers against his face, his skin was always so cold, but you had long since gotten used to the temperature difference between the two of you. He shrugged after pressing one last kiss to your lips and then pushing himself up off the bed. "What do you mean..." You mimicked his shrug as you propped yourself up on the bed, your eyes following him around the room as he grabbed his cloak, ushanka, and boots.

He hesitated next to the door, you heard his sigh before he turned to look back at you. "I don't know, but I'll keep in touch, and I'll try to be back as soon as possible. Now go back to bed." He walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. You grabbed one of his pillows and held it over your face as you fell back onto your own pillows and started crying. You hated when he left, you never knew if he would come back, and that terrified you.

One Month Later

Fyodor hadn't returned home yet, but he wasn't the only thing that hadn't come to you as you thought it would. You sat on the edge of your bed, a bed that seemed ridiculously large whenever he wasn't there with you, and you swiped through the calendar on your phone. "One week, two weeks, three weeks, four weeks... five weeks... six weeks... seven...?" You counted the weeks over and over again, just to make sure you weren't miscounting. "Shit." You groaned, getting up off the bed and grabbing your shoes out of the closet. He hated when you left the house without him, he always made sure the house was properly stocked before he left so you would be able to avoid leaving at all, unless it was necessary. This seemed pretty damn necessary though, and the store was only a block away.

You walked in and made your way to the aisle with the tests, grabbing four boxes, just to be sure. It didn't hurt to be 200% sure, you know, just in case the first test was a fluke or something. You weren't really sure what you would do if they came back positive, and you definitely weren't ready for Fyodor's reaction if they were positive either. He didn't seem like the type of man that would want a child, especially not right now considering the mission he was on. He was barely ever home, the kid would barely ever see his or her own father.

When you got back to the house you ran to the bathroom, sitting on the lid of the toilet and reading the directions of the tests. Sure, they were pretty simple, but you just wanted to be sure that you took them correctly so there weren't any false results. You were stressed, and you cursed Fyodor for not being there with you right now when you needed him the most. You would feel a lot better if he was there to comfort you in the moment, to make you feel like it wouldn't be as bad if those tests came back positive, but no, his work came first.

The tests sat on the back of the toilet, your phone was in your hand, the timer set for five minutes as you paced the length of your bedroom. You picked up on the habit of biting the tip of your thumb from Fyodor, and you were biting it so hard that it had started to bleed. "Dammit..." you sighed, walking into the bathroom to grab a band-aid for your freshly self inflicted wound. Your eyes were immediately drawn to the tests on the back of the toilet, and you immediately forgot about your bleeding thumb, your eyes scanning over all four tests that had a combined total of eight pink lines. "Oh... shit...." You mumbled, your heart was racing and your vision became cloudy as tears began to build on your lower lashes.

You had to call him, you had to let him know, but you didn't even know if it was safe for you to do so at the moment. He hadn't texted or called since last night, and you were sure that he was out somewhere, if you called him it could draw attention and he could get hurt. So you had to wait, you had to wait for him. You were left alone with your thoughts for God knows how long, and your anxiety would only build more and more until that moment comes.

By the time he called five hours later, it was nine o'clock at night and you were sitting on the couch curled up in one of his cloaks, angrily eating a tub of ice cream while crying about the movie on the television screen. You hadn't realized how quick the hormone charged emotions would kick in, but they were evident now. You had never cried at a movie before, and here you were ugly crying into your Rocky Road while still internally fuming at your fiance who was no where around when you needed him most.

You grabbed your phone and answered it quickly, holding it up to your ear. "'Bout time you called." You said snidely, but the sound of your sniffles was what got his attention.

"You're crying. Are you alright, my love? Is there something wrong?" He chided, hoping to pull an answer out of you, and you let out a dry, humorless chuckle.

"Is there something wrong? Well I sure as hell think there is! You're never around when I need you, and I'm stuck going through shit all by myself and there's tears in my ice cream and you're not fucking home!" You shouted at him through the phone, your voice cracking whenever you reached octaves that you were unaware you could go to.

"Hmmm, my love is upset. What can I do to possibly make her feel better?" His voice was soft and velvety through the phone and as much as it used to comfort you before, it was only upsetting you more now.

"You could come home so I can talk to you in person."

"You know I can't do-"

"Fyodor, I'm pregnant." You said, closing your eyes, bracing for his reaction. He was quiet, and you wished that you could see his face right now, but all you got was silence. It was deafening, and his silence was much more scary right now. You wanted him to say something, you needed to know that he was still there.

"Are you sure?" He asked after what seemed like an eternity of silence, and you sighed, letting your head fall back against the cushion of the couch. Of course he would ask that, he wasn't here to see the four tests that all showed positives, he wasn't here for anything.

"Yes. I'm sure." Your anger hit you again. This wasn't a conversation you should be having over the damn phone. This should be an exciting time for you and your fiance, but instead, due to his constant absence, you were scared, and you were alone. "But you know what, I'll handle it myself, just like I handle everything else. Hope your mission goes well. I'm going to bed." You hung up the phone and placed it on the coffee table. You shrugged out of Fyodor's cloak and turned off the television, grabbing the empty jug of ice cream off the table and tossing it into the trash as you made your way to your bedroom.

You shut the door and locked it behind you before undressing and changing into your pajamas, climbing into your bed and pulling the comforters up to your chin. You finally fell asleep as the tears formed puddles in the divots of the pillow.

The sound of pots and pans clanging in the kitchen startled you awake, the smell of pancakes, bacon, and eggs filled your nostrils, the sun was shining brightly into your room, you saw dust particles floating around in the large beam of light. You stretched as you got out of bed, sliding the slippers onto your feet and wrapping your robe tightly around your body before you left the room to inspect what was going on.

When you opened the door, the first thing you saw were the rose petals that created a trail down the hallway. You hummed to yourself as you followed the trail around the corner to the kitchen, and you could have sworn that your heart grew three sizes at the image. A bouquet of white roses, lavender, and purple hydrangeas. They stood in a beautiful crystal vase, and sitting in front of the vase was a large white teddy bear with two smaller teddy bears, pink and blue, on each side.

"What are you doing home so soon?" You asked as you leaned in and smelt one of the roses. He turned to face you, a small smile on his face as he took you in. Whenever he came home, it was like falling in love with you all over again. He could never get over how absolutely gorgeous you were. He placed the spatula on the counter as he made his way over to you, his arms wrapping around your waist as he pulled you close against his chest.

"I know I'm gone a lot, I apologize for my absence. I wasn't here when I should have been, but I'm here now."

                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fyodor was never one to express his emotions well, but your pregnancy had changed him, and he began trying. He wanted to be there for everything, every moment of your pregnancy he wanted to experience it with you. Not only was it exciting for him, but he also found it fascinating. He still went out for his missions, but he was never gone quite as long as he used to be. The longest he was ever gone since your pregnancy became known was two weeks, and even then he called every hour, on the hour to check in on you.

When he was home, he was actually quite over bearing. You never complained though, it was nice having him around so much. Every step you took, he was right behind you. He didn't want you to lift a finger. He learned how to cook so you wouldn't have to, he even did the laundry, although you had to help him at first so he wouldn't destroy any of your clothes. He was very invested in your pregnancy, learning everything he needed to know so that he was prepared for everything and anything.

Your morning sickness came later in your pregnancy, and it was a scheduled occurrence, one that he knew very well. Whenever the time came he was already helping you off the couch to get you to the bathroom, holding your hair behind your back as he rubbed soothing circles into your back. He had a cup of water and mouthwash prepared on the counter for afterwards, and he'd help you back to the couch after you were done. He'd bring you a couple saltine crackers to fill your stomach and another glass of water and he'd sit next to you on the couch, holding his hand against your forehead, helping to cool you down after you worked up a sweat from your retching.

He came to every doctors appointment, although he had to wear a disguise due to being one of the most wanted terrorists in Yokohama, it made you happy that he was there. If one your appointments fell on a day that he was out for one of his missions, he would be found waiting outside the doctors office for you to show up. He wouldn't miss a doctors appointment for anything, he would be caught dead before that ever happened.

When he found out you were having twins he became extremely over protective of you and your stomach. He always had a hand on your growing abdomen, tracing your stretch marks with his icy fingers. Whenever you felt self conscious about them, he would place kisses across your stomach and remind you how beautiful it was that you were growing and glowing with two of his children.

Whenever he did have to leave for missions he brought the ultrasound pictures with him, he would look at the pictures and they were a constant reminder to him that the world needed to be ridden of its sin before they came. He needed to cleanse the world so his children could grow up in a society free of sin.

During one of your doctors appointments at six months the doctor told you that you had high blood pressure and needed to be on bed rest for the safety of the babies and yourself. Fyodor enforced that rule, and he stopped going on missions completely. He had his "rats" do his work for him, and they would report to him at the end of the day. He refused to leave your side. When you had to use the bathroom, he would help you onto the toilet and then stand in the doorway with his back turned until you were done, and then he'd help you up. It was embarrassing at first, but you ended up getting used to it, and you knew that he was only doing it because he worried so much. He helped you bathe, sitting on the edge of the bathtub to wash your hair and your body, always murmuring to himself how beautiful you looked. He would only leave the room to cook your meals, and then he would bring those meals to you in bed and feed them to you.

Since you couldn't do shopping at the store, he would lay with you in bed, his laptop on his lap as he scrolled through websites, ordering everything that your eyes lingered on for longer than two seconds. Your front door was filled constantly with packages because according to him, money wasn't a problem if he was spending it on you and the babies. Their bassinets were both a pristine white and they were set up in the corner of your bedroom. He said nurseries were useless until they were about a year and half, that they needed to be with their parents until then because there's a lot of complications that could occur with a child that young while they were sleeping and it would be safer for them to be as close as possible if anything were to happen. You did not argue, there was no point in arguing with that logic.

When he found out that the children were a girl and a boy he was overjoyed. He got both a son and a daughter in one try, it was truly a blessing to him. He started making a list of potential baby names and you both stayed up late at night looking through the names until you both agreed on two.

Elizaveta for your daughter and Iosif for your son. Picking their names made it more real for him, it was more concrete now. He would often lay his head against your stomach, cooing in Russian to the children. They would usually kick when he did this, and whenever they did he would quickly look up to you and ask if you were okay, and then lay his head back down and talk again in his mother tongue, probably scolding them for kicking you.

You had no doubts about him as a father, he truly loved his children. Before you had gotten pregnant he had rarely ever said the L- word, but now, every night, he would press a kiss to your lips, and then lean down to kiss your stomach twice, once at the top, and the last kiss at the bottom. He would whisper that he loved them both and then tell them not to move too much so you could sleep. Then he would move back up and place one more kiss to your cheek before whispering that he loved you.

                                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The snow coated the ground, building up against the windowsills. It was a blizzard, and it was beautiful. Fyodor had helped you move into the living room, lighting the fireplace and handing you a cup of hot chocolate as you both watched the snow fall. His legs were stretched along the couch as he leaned against the arm, you were laying against his chest between his legs. His finger traced hearts over your stomach and you both sipped on you drinks enjoying the view. "It's beautiful, I wish the children were here to see it." Fyodor murmured before taking another sip.

Just then you felt a sharp pain in your stomach, you shot up straight and he quickly grabbed your cup out of your hand and placed it on the coffee table. His brow furrowed and his forehead creased with worry lines. "They... they might be... fuck..." You squeezed your eyes shut and gripped onto the couch cushion as you tried to breathe your way through the pain. You felt the wetness build between your legs and you turned to look back at Fyodor. He nodded and helped guide you up off the couch.

He grabbed your coat and helped you put it on and button it up, then he draped a large wool blanket over your shoulders as he led you to the door, grabbing his keys on the way over. "Fyo, there's a blizzard, you can't drive in this."

"My dearest darling, I'm Russian." Was his only explanation, and you rolled your eyes. His arm was wrapped tightly around your waist as he helped you walk down the front stairs. The snow was deep and the wind was strong, it felt like it was lashing against your face. You shivered as it hit you, and he held you closer, helping you walk through the snow to the car.

It must have just been a coincidence that he had just traded in his small sedan for a larger SUV with four wheel drive only the week before. Surely if he still had the smaller car you would have been delivering these babies at home. Your luggage was already packed and stored in the back of the truck, the carseats were hooked up in the second row as well. He was more prepared for this than you were.

He slipped off his cloak and placed it over your lap and as soon as he started up the car he blasted the heat. The contractions came steadily and you felt the pressure building, you were panting heavily as you held onto the handle above the door. He drove slowly through the snow, trying to get there as quick and as safely as he could. "You're doing great, dear. Keep breathing." He said softly, his hand on your thigh squeezing it gently to try to calm you down.

"How much longer... Fuck! Please go faster." You pleaded with him as the next round of contractions came on. You clenched your teeth and you whimpered as the tears threatened to fall. You had never been in so much pain, it felt like every single bone in your body was being broken, it was torture.

You were checked into the hospital and wheeled to your room. Fyodor watched as the doctors worked over you, checking how dilated you were, hooking you up to heart monitors and other machines that you didn't quite understand. You got hooked up to an IV that would help ease the pain of the contractions, but nothing seemed to help as much as you hoped it would.

Fyodor stood by your bed and held your hand as you labored through every contraction. You had been clenching your teeth so hard that they actually hurt, your head was throbbing and you felt nauseous. The doctors had come in and told you and Fyodor that you would need to have a C-Section which was something that you didn't really want, but opted to do just so you knew both of the babies would come out safely. You had done enough research to figure out that even if one was delivered naturally, the other would most likely come out through a C-Section anyway.  

He was quickly suited up, and if you weren't in so much pain you would have giggled at how he looked in the blue scrubs, they definitely did not accent his beautiful dark purple eyes. The doctors began wheeling you down the hall and he walked quickly next to you, refusing to let go of your hand for one second.

You had been given sedatives through the IV and you were numb, it felt strange because you could still feel a dull pull whenever you had a contraction. There was a blue curtain blocking the view of your stomach, so you found comfort in looking up at Fyodor, staring into his eyes as he looked down at you. You could tell that he was smiling, even behind the mask, as the corner of his eyes would crease slightly.

He would occasionally glance around the curtain and hum as his interest was peaked, watching as the doctors carefully sliced through the skin and muscles of your abdomen. You could still feel it slightly, the sensation of the tugging and pulling, but it never actually hurt. His hands were on your shoulders, and although you couldn't actually feel the circles he was rubbing into your skin with his thumbs, there was comfort in knowing that he was touching you, that he was there with you.

The birth itself took not much longer than thirty minutes, and by that time you felt like you were going to pass out, so you weren't sure how much longer it took for the doctors to stitch you back up, and none of that really mattered anyway. When you forced your eyes open, the only thing you were looking for was your babies.

Elizaveta Fyodova Dostoevsky, born January 15 at 5:28PM, 5lbs 8ounces.

Iosif Fyodovich Dostoevsky, born January 15 at 5:30PM, 5lbs 2ounces.

They both had jet black hair which contrasted against their skin perfectly. They were tiny, but they were healthy, and they were beautiful. It was love at first sight as soon as you laid your eyes on them. Seeing Fyodor hold both of your children in his arms though, that hit different. You never thought you could love the man more than you did in that moment, but there was something about seeing him in that arm chair, smiling down at both of his children, the look in his eyes spoke volumes. He absolutely adored his children, that much was obvious.

When you were finally discharged from the hospital, he took extra care of you, making sure that you didn't push yourself too hard. He was worried about your incision, and he knew that you would have trouble walking for the next couple weeks. He made sure that you took your medication at the right time every single day, he continued to help you shower even though you told him that you didn't need help anymore, he insisted.

He took stayed home with you, refusing to go on missions until you were fully healed, and if any of the "rats" complained about his lack of focus on the mission he would write their names down to "handle them" later.

Fyodor was strict about scheduling their feeding times and nap times so they wouldn't affect when they went to bed. He was honestly such a devoted father to Iosif and Elizaveta, it was almost shocking to you. You hadn't known before the children came that he could sing, but you learned one night that he had the most beautiful singing voice you had ever heard. He would stand over their bassinets and gently brush his thumb across their heads as he lulled them back to sleep, singing in a hushed tone a gentle Russian lullaby.

He ended up teaching you Russian, you had asked him after you heard him crooning to them while he fed them their bottles. The children seemed to find the language relaxing, and they would often fall asleep listening to their father talk. He wanted his children to know their heritage, to know where there father came from.

Fyodor wasn't one to spoil his children either. When he finally went back to "work" about two months after their birth, he would stay away for only three days, maybe five tops. Whenever he would return, he would bring back something small, something that reminded him of you, Iosif, and Elizaveta. The items didn't cost much, sometimes they cost nothing at all. One time he returned with a small rock, a leaf, and a bird feather. The rock was shiny and a dark grey color with purple streaks going through it, it had reminded him of the beauty of Elizaveta's eyes. The leaf was small, but it was a bright green, it reminded him of Iosif, who was the smallest at birth, but was intelligent and bright already at only two months old, already attempting to hold his own bottles. The feather was pure white, and it reminded him of you. You were still, and always will be the purest thing in his life, the most amazing and beautiful woman he had ever met. You made him feel like the luckiest man on earth, he was so happy, so over joyed with you and the small family that he had, it felt like he was flying.

If someone had asked you in the beginning of your relationship if you thought Fyodor Dostoevsky would ever want to have children, you would have scoffed and said no. Fyodor was a man who, at the time, didn't seem like he would ever be capable of being a father. That hadn't bothered you, because you loved him enough to want to be with him no matter what. Now, here the two of you laid, both of your children between you on the bed, and you couldn't imagine him not being a father to your children. He was the most amazing father you could have ever wanted your children to have.

He pressed quick kisses to the tops of the children's heads before smiling up at you, brushing his fingers along your cheek. "YA lyublyu tebya, moya dorogaya."

a/n : Thank you for reading! I got really really really into it, and I love my baby Fyodor so fricking much. He deserves so much love. Also daddy!Fyodor is a whole ass mood, love me a big Rat Daddy. Okay but seriously, I love him so much. He's just *chefs kith* Also, what he says at the end is "I love you, my dear" because Russian is hot and him speaking Russian would just *kaboom*

[eberles]

i hate u, i love u

Rafe Cameron

(gif by @toesure :)

Request: A Rafe fic based on the song “I hate u, I love you” by gnash (ft Olivia O’Brien) PLEASE MAJOR RAFE VIBES 🥺💖 @fav-imagines

A/N: I wanted to cry writing this lol idk why but it hit me right in the feels!! it’s kind of all over the place, if anyone is confused by, don’t worry bc i am too!!!! lol anyways enjoy!! (this is probably the first thing ive ever written that goes with rafe’s character) bold = lyrics, italics = flashbacks

Warnings: angst, mentions of drugs, cheating, lying, toxic relationship, swearing

feelin used, but im still missin you and i cant see the end of it just wanna feel your kiss against my lips and now all this time is passing by, but i still cant seem to tell you why it hurts me every time i see you, realize how much i need you

I’ve spent months sitting in my room staring at the ceiling, and at the walls. I did a full Bella Swan from New Moon and let 3 months go by without being present for any of them. I didn’t care honestly...Even after spending all that time alone, i’m not still not healed from the heartache that was caused by him. I still miss him, his scent, his kisses, his clothes, everything. Rafe.

I went out once and he was the last person I wanted or planned to see, but of course, he was the only person I actually saw. Sure, there were other people around, but none of them mattered. Everyone else felt greyed out except for him. He was the only light I could see in those short moments. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, my breath hitched in my throat and it felt like there was no air left to breathe.

After months it still hurts to see him again. It hurts because I realized I still need him even after everything. I hate him. So why do I love him? The feeling of him being the only one I want, the one nobody could ever replace...it’s overwhelming and I can’t seem to shake it. But me? He replaced. It looked like it was easy from my point of view. He needed her, wanted her, and i’m not her.

i miss you when i can’t sleep or right after coffee or right when i can’t eat, i miss you in my front seat, still got sand in my sweaters from nights we don’t remember. do you miss me like i miss you? fucked around and got attached to you.

My head was consumed on thoughts of you. It was constant. Like the leaky faucet in the bathroom or the loose floorboard. Always running, always broken. I miss you. Maybe you’ll come around, but for now...I wish you were here instead. When it’s late and I can’t sleep, I think about you. When it’s early and I can’t eat, I think about you.

“Where are we going?” you giggled excitedly, grabbing my hand from across the console in my truck.

“Shh, I told you it’s a surprise baby, we’re almost there anyways.” I laughed at her giggling like a kid, she had so much excitement in her eyes. She was always ready for anything, even if it was 2 in the morning and I love that about her. I love everything about her.

“Ugh fine!” she groaned dramatically and rolled her eyes in a full circle looking up at the ceiling. “Why are we at the beach?” you didn’t even give me enough time to answer before jumping out of the truck and running towards the sand laughing the entire way to the water. Once I caught up with you, I grabbed your hands and pulled you close into my chest, kissing your forehead. When we broke apart I laid down a few blankets on the sand, noticing you were cold, I also gave you my sweater.

We stared at the stars and talked about anything and everything for hours. It felt magical. We stayed until the sun came up, watching the sunset before driving back to my house for some much needed rest.

Walking over to my closet, curious to know if that same sweater ended up back in my closet after that night. I reached in, digging around not finding anything and decided to look in my dresser instead. Of course, it was folded neatly in the drawer you used to call yours. Grabbing and shaking it out I noticed the light pieces of sand that fell from it. I brought it in to my nose wondering if it still smelt like your perfume. It did. I’m always tired lately, but never of you. Do you miss me too?

if i pulled a you on you, you wouldn’t like that shit, i put this reel out, but you wouldn’t bite that shit. i type a text then i never mind that shit, i got these feelings, but you never mind that shit. you’re still in love with me but your friends don’t know.

To Y/N: i wanna talk, i think...maybe i miss y-

*delete*

To Rafe: I miss you so much, it hurt someti-

*delete*

“Y/N...what’s going on? You’re off in never never land! Do you still miss him?” Kiara asked, gently shaking my knee to gain my attention back to the group. I looked at her and around at the rest of the pogues and put a smile on my face, shaking my head.

“Of course not, it’s been months! I’m so over him, guys. Besides even if I did, it wouldn’t matter.” I tried so hard to sound confident. I hope they bought it. Of fucking course, I miss Rafe. I’m still in love with him for gods sake. I hate that I want him.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Sure, i’ve moved on, but I think about y/n, just about everyday. I guess for me, moving on is finding someone new, but not actually wanting anyone new. I just couldn’t bare to be alone anymore with my thoughts. I deserve better than that, personally.

“Anyways Topper, if y/n wanted me still, she would say so right?” I looked at Topper, silently hoping he would lie to me, just tell me what I want to hear, man. “If I were her, I would’ve never let me go. She’s missing out.”

“Hell yea, dude! That’s the right attitude.” Topper said, jumping up to high five me. Of course, that was the statement he was on board with. I hate that I want you.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

I haven’t been to a party in months, Kiara and Sarah thought that this would be the most fitting post-break up activity for me. Maybe meet a new guy or something. I tuned out when they were telling me about it and just agreed. What I neglected to listen to, was that it was a kook party. So now, i’m at a party alone, since my friends ditched me to dance with each other. And on top of that, I watch him watch her, like she’s the only girl he’s ever seen.

It took less than an hour of being at this party for us to end up in a room alone together.

“You don’t care! You never did!” Rafe shouted, running his hands through his hair, clearly exasperated with this conversation. I don’t even know how it started. One minute I was watching him with another girl, and the next he was hauling me off, away from everyone.

“You don’t give a damn about me, Rafe! How is it you never notice that you’re slowly killing me?” you wanted to yell back at him, to scream at him for putting you through this again, but you couldn’t. He didn’t say anything in return so you continued, “I hate you, and I hate that I love you, Rafe.” I’ve tried to move on, but even the simple thought of dating anyone but him, makes me physically ill. Why does it have to be like this?

“I don’t mean no harm, I just miss you on my arm, babe. Do you ever wonder what we could’ve been y/n?” He’s taunting me by asking dumb questions, as if I wanted this to happen, as if i’m the cause of all of this. Rafe’s the one that was closed off, not me. Of course, he switches the stories and i’m sure everyone at this damn party thinks I left him heart broken.

“You have a girlfriend, why are you even asking me that?” I was starting to get angry, I felt like he was toying with me.

He’s laughing. Of fucking course, he’s laughing at me. This is all one big fucking joke to him. “Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix. Isn’t that what you always told your friends Rafe?” I was furious, how could he act that way after everything? He’s still a child though, that will never change.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

You were right. I did lie to you, multiple times. About where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. I didn’t want you to know I was such a fuck up. You didn’t deserve the pain of finding out I was lying and cheating and drugging. You did anyways though. Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed.

“Rafe! Come dance with me!” I downed the rest of my drink before throwing the glass down and walking away from the new girl I was seeing. I didn’t care anymore.

I don’t want you, Y/N. I shouldn’t fucking miss you. I don’t deserve to! Seeing you again is such bullshit. If you wouldn’t have shown up here, I wouldn’t have said those things to you. Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges, just to create some distance. You didn’t deserve that, I knew it, but at least now you might learn your lesson and stay away. It’s for the best, right?

I hate that I love her, but I can’t put nobody else above her.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

I wasn’t sure if I had the closure I needed, but after that particular conversation with Rafe I felt a little better. I returned to the party with my head held high and danced with my friends. I hoped he was watching me too since i’m not sure what he was trying to do by joking around at my expense. But maybe if he thinks it didn’t bother me he will know how it fucking feels. 

I learned from my dad that it’s good to have feelings when love and trust is gone. I guess this is moving on. I hate you, I love you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[maxrev]

Kissing Prompt: On the sidewalk/Celebration John/Kaidan

Whew...these boys took this and RAN with it lol. Got kind of serious but I think it turned out okay. Thanks for the ask!

From these prompts here 

                         __________________________________________

New Year’s Eve 2187

For the first time since the Reapers had been defeated, the city had been cleared of much of the debris, though still a long way to go towards being rebuilt. But on the heals of such an accomplishment, London was in full celebratory mode. Maybe Shepard and Kaidan were too. 

John was getting out of the hospital, finally able to go home. It wasn’t without cost; he’d lost his leg and had a long road of recovery ahead. 

Kaidan stepped out of the skycab and walked inside the hospital to fill out the paperwork and bring him home. He’d brought a bag of clothes for John to change into, though they probably wouldn’t fit well. He’s lost so much weight and muscle tone. 

He’d been here every day through John’s recovery and as much as possible when he began his physical therapy, wanting to know what to do once they were back at the apartment. Frustration was a constant for both of them during this time. The once fun-loving, flirty Shepard was gone, being replaced by a man who was serious and taciturn. Kaidan missed the former and was determined to get him back, though he loved John no matter what. They were together, which meant everything to Kaidan. They almost didn’t get the chance. 

“Hello, Major Alenko.” 

He nodded at the nurse, “How’re you doing, Judy?”

“Today is a good day, sir. Ready for New Year’s. It’s about time for a celebration, if you ask me.” 

Unable to argue with the sentiment, he told her, “Enjoy yourself and be careful, okay?” 

A bright smile was his response, “I will, sir. You do the same. Will you be going to watch the fireworks? It will be soon, I think, nearing dark now.” 

“No, I don’t think so.” 

His words were met with a look of understanding. John was not likely to want to be in a crowd and Kaidan was uncomfortable in them in any case. Suited them both to stay in. Signing the papers she’d placed on the counter, he turned and walked down the hallway towards the wing where John was. His heartbeat sped up in anticipation; he thought this day would never come. 

As he neared John’s room, he heard a commotion; then John’s voice. An angry voice. “I can damn well get to the door on my own!” 

“Sir, we can’t allow you to walk to the door. It’s our poli--” 

“Fuck your policy.” A loud clattering sound accompanied his words, as if he’d thrown his cane across the room. 

Kaidan quickened his pace. Maybe he could calm John and rescue the nurse, who was probably at the end of her rope. Or in fear of her life. 

He stepped into the room, reading the situation in a glance. John leaning against the side of the bed in his hospital gown, the back open from the neck down, feet flat on the floor. The cane was lying against the wall across from him. Even from here, Kaidan could see the strain on his body, shaking slightly. 

The young nurse stood behind the chair, tendrils of hair having escaped from her bun and were now clinging to her face which was bright red. It didn’t appear to be from embarrassment, either. Her hands clenched the handles, white-knuckled, but she stood her ground, a look of dogged determination on her face. She was braver than many before her. Kaidan had lost count of the nurses John had run off.

He let the door shut behind him with a whoosh, quiet but enough to grab the attention of them both. Two pairs of eyes turned to focus on the intrusion. He saw relief in the nurse’s emerald green eyes, stubborn sullenness in blue eyes currently the color of a storm tossed sea. He’d hoped today would be a celebration of their own with John finally coming home. Biting back a sigh of frustration, he nodded at the nurse to leave. She huffed but left them alone. 

Setting the bag on the bed behind John, he settled next to him. “Hey, there.” 

“Don’t even start. You’re going to be as bad - or even worse - than she was.” 

He refused to take the bait. “Am I?” 

John opened his mouth, then closed it again, body relaxing in defeat. “Sorry, Kaidan. I just...I want to leave on my own steam, you know?” 

Oh, he did but some rules were in place for a reason. “How about a compromise?” 

John turned to him, brows furrowed over clearing blue eyes, “What kind of compromise?” 

He grabbed the bag, took out John’s clothes and shoved them in his hands. “Get dressed.” 

Stubborn as he could be, John knew when Kaidan had made up his mind there was no pushing. He shuffled to the wheelchair, unable to stand, and sat down in it to slide his legs into the pants, then pulled off his gown and pulled the tee over his head. Once he was dressed, he remained still, winded. 

Looking up at Kaidan, expecting to see a smirk, he was surprised to find him not even paying attention. He was packing things into the bag, minus the hospital gown. “Thought you’d want to keep the gown. You know, easy access.” 

A strangled sound followed his statement. Kaidan finally turned, tips of his ears pink, brown eyes shiny. “Well, I could always throw it in there if you’ll miss it so much.” 

“Hell, no.” The response as emphatic. Kaidan smiled and went back to packing. “You planned this, didn’t you?” 

“To take you home? John, I’ve been planning this since the day the Normandy limped back to earth and I knew you were alive.” 

Waving his hand dismissively, John soon realized Kaidan couldn’t even see him. “No. I mean me dressing myself and getting winded, so I’d realize I needed the wheelchair.”  

Pausing in the act of packing, Kaidan turned to him. John saw his eyebrow game was strong, thick dark brows furrowed down, “No. I was going to ask you to ride in it to the front doors, then I’d just let you go out on your own steam.” 

“Oh.” 

Looking around the bed and the tables nearby, Kaidan checked to make sure he’d gathered everything. He walked over and picked up John’s cane and handed it to him with a rueful smile. The doctors and nurses had sent him home yesterday with all the supplies they thought he could possibly need amd instructions to call if they ran into a situation where they needed help. 

Zipping the bag shut, he turned. John remained in the chair, gazing at him. "What?" 

The solemn blue eyes looked away and Shepard spoke softly, an apology tumbling from his lips, "Im sorry for being such an ass. You deserve better, Kaidan."

Kaidan walked over, squatting down so they were eye level. He cupped John’s cheek, gently turning his head back to face him. "Listen to me," he paused, taking a breath to calm his emotions as his words sounded harsh even to his own ears. "There is no where else I’d rather be than right here, with you. Okay?" 

John nodded but Kaidan wasn’t convinced he believed it. He'd have to prove it then. He leaned forward but the moment was lost as the head nurse came in, a look of extreme agitation mixed with bullheaded determination on her face. She was followed by the younger one who'd been arguing with John. Kaidan stood up. He just wanted to get John hime and not have any more delays. 

"We're ready to go." His hand remained on the handle of the wheelchair, possessive. "I'll wheel him out and both of you," he looked from one to the other, "can follow us to make sure we're following proper procedure." He didn't mention his plan. 

John started to protest, "But Kaidan, you-"

"Have everything under control," he winked at John out of sight of the nurses. Shepard settled back into the chair. 

"Well, okay then." The head nurse turned to the younger one, "Michele, just follow and assist if needed," and she walk out if the room. 

Kaidan began to push the wheelchair out the door and had to bite back a groan of frustration when John motioned for him to stop. What reason could there possibly be not to just keep going? 

“It’s Michele, right?” The nurse nodded, a bit apprehensive, for which Kaidan couldn’t blame her. “I just wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier. There was no reason for me to be such an asshole when you were just doing your job. I’m sorry.” 

Michele blushed to the roots of her bright red hair but nodded at the end of the speech. She seemed tongue tied and when no words followed his apology, John did what he’d always been so damn good at; he gave her a winning smile, a wink from those impossibly blue eyes and thanked her for taking care of him. 

“Let’s go, Kaidan. I’m ready.” 

Wasting no time to follow this order, Kaidan pushed him out the door Michele was currently holding open and down the corridor, bag and cane in his lap. The young nurse followed closely behind but where she’d been stubborn and determined to make John adhere to protocol, now she just walked amiably beside them, though kept her eyes trained on what was going on around them instead. Kaidan paused, brought up his omni-tool, winked at John when he turned to him with a questioning look, and resumed his pace. Over the loud speaker came a voice, “Michele, please come to the nurse’s station.” 

The young nurse glanced up in surprise, then over at the two of them, then back down the hall. Indecision written on her face, she was clearly unsure of what to do. 

“Go ahead, I can keep Commander Shepard under control to the front of the building. I promise he won’t get away.” 

Not so easily swayed, she questioned him, “Are you sure? I’m supposed to keep make sure you get to the skycab. I have my orders.” She straightened up with the importance of her job. 

Oozing reassurance, he told her, “You do and you’re right to question us but we also know sometimes new orders override the previous ones.” 

John spoke up, “He’s right. It looks like you’re receiving new orders and we wouldn’t want you to be derelict in your duties by assisting us when you have more important things to do.” 

She gazed at each of them in turn, then nodded. “You’re right. Just...be careful and send for me - or an orderly - if you need assistance.” Before they could respond, she turned and all but ran to the nurse’s station. Kaidan felt a twinge of guilt for deceiving the poor girl but John was his first priority and he’d made him a promise. 

Before they arrived at the door, Kaidan stopped and put the locks on the wheels so the chair wouldn’t move. He went around front, looked over John’s head down the hall, then glanced at him and nodded. John rose, a bit unsteady at first, but got his bearings quickly. Placing the cane on the floor, he moved forward, one slow step at a time until he was sure of himself. 

Without a backward glance, he strode out the door as the Commander Shepard and got inside the skycab waiting for them with Kaidan behind him to help only in case he stumbled. 

The ride was quiet, introspective. Kaidan watched as he took in the state of London on the way to the apartment. Much of it was making a comeback with restaurants, bars, markets and stores; more of them popping up every day. Yet, he didn’t comment, just observed. 

The skycab pulled up to their apartment, a single story and nondescript building. Other apartments had been built around it, much the same as theirs. It was rather drab but Kaidan thought the act of just bringing John home gave it more color, more character. Shepard struggled to get out by himself and finally accepted Kaidan’s help reluctantly when he couldn’t manage on his own. The skycab took off and they remained on the sidewalk, looking at their first place as a couple. 

He wrapped an arm around John’s waist, moving in close instead of pulling him over. “So, what do you think?” 

“This is it, huh? Our place?”

A rush of emotion swept over Kaidan at those words - our place. Kaidan had never dared hope after the run for the beam this day would come to be. Yet, it had and here they were. “Yeah...our place.” 

They heard explosions and both of them tensed, then offering nervous chuckles when they realized it was just fireworks going off in the distance. The bursts of light arced into the sky, a cascading kaleidoscope of colors and patterns against a black backdrop. Even the stars in the sky were muted.  

“Happy New Year’s, John.” 

“Happy New Year’s, Kaidan.” Shepard turned, gazing intently at Kaidan. “To everything new in our lives, starting this day.” 

“Yeah...to everything new.” 

Kaidan leaned in, capturing John’s mouth with his for their first kiss in their first real home. Together. 

[purplecantaloupe]

**gif is not mine**

i was reading a calum fic just now and thought back to my old writings which sprung this idea in my head and i had to whip my laptop out and get to work. the lowercase and awkward grammar is intended ig i hope you enjoy <3

i had previously written a request for fwb!cal and as my mom would say “not my best work” but as i would say “it fucking sucked balls” so im making this kind of the rewrite for that monstrosity.

anon, if youre out there this is for you bby i hope this satisfies your soul <33

Explanation: so basically this is fwb!cal along with sub!cal and a bit of femdom!y/n which y/n gets pissed off that calum won’t interact with her, conflict/resolution as some might say.

Warnings: femdom!y/n; sub!cal; this is a WHOLE lotta smut, a few minutes of angst here and there, and a little fluff at the end (bc who doesn’t love a happy ending?)

Also I’m sorry for the spacing, I really don’t know what happened there :/

it was the last straw with calum, he’d been constantly on his phone the whole day and since it had been pouring outside for the most part you couldn’t go nurture your garden like you had intended. all day he’d been sitting and giggling at his phone, maybe the boys sending him some stupid texts or maybe it was some of his fans tagging him in memes on twitter, who the fuck knows but y/n was thoroughly annoyed. being stuck in the house all day with calum and not interacting physically with him had gotten to you, he hadn’t even said a word to you since breakfast! you even asked if he wanted to fuck around just to pass the time away and he just shook his head and mumbled out a, “not in the mood.” needless to say, you were irritated. so irritated to the point that you stood up from your comfortable position on the couch with a huff, stalking to your room and shut the door with your foot before laying face down on your bed, finally being engulfed in silence from his constant snickers and you could hear the rain hitting your bedroom window as it gave you a sense of serenity.

after lying on your bed for what felt like maybe ten minutes, you hear the front door open and shut, assuming that calum went out for a smoke. this was the time that you took to go out and grab as many snacks and anything that you’d need for the whole night, having the whole weekend off from work, you decided that you’d be staying in your room, giving calum a taste of his own medicine. after raiding your shared kitchen, you head back to your bedroom and decide to find something on netflix to watch and drown out calum when he comes back.

after awhile of mindlessly watching something on netflix for who knows how long, you hear the door open and shut and a couple pairs of feet walking around downstairs before they make their way up them and pass your room. feminine giggles erupt from the stranger and you hear calum’s door shut and you knew exactly what was going to happen in the next few minutes. you thanked every god above that you couldn’t hear what they were doing behind the closed bedroom door, every now and then you could hear a squeal from the end of the hall which only made you turn your television up louder.

you and calum made the agreement when you started your friends with benefits situation, you would be allowed to see other people and do whatever you wanted but you had to have some type of respect for the other; if you had another friend over, you’d be considerate and let the other person know ahead of time. to which he did not inform you that he was having a friend come over. you’d tried earlier to get it on but he rejected you which made your mood skyrocket into the ground along with your heart. it wasn’t calum’s rejection that stung you but the fact that he wouldn’t even give you the time of day without letting out a sigh and mumbling an answer before giggling at his screen again. suddenly it dawned on you, he wasn’t giggling at his phone because the guys of his fans were being funny, no, he was giggling because he was texting the girl that is probably laying in his bed right now, in the same spot you were lying in just the night before. the sounds have subsided but the ache in your heart stayed the same, ‘guess the last few months have just been time wasted that you could’ve been spending on somebody else’ you thought.

this was an all new low for calum, sure you’d had your fair share of other hook-ups but they never were there when calum was home, you had respect for him and yourself but apparently the feelings weren’t reciprocated. the message has been heard loud and clear. he didn’t care about you nearly as much as you care about him.

you hear silence from calum’s side of the hall which you take as a sign they’ve both passed out to which you make a break for it. jogging down the stairs and to your car through the rain that still hasn’t let up, you climb in the vehicle and you’re on your own to find yourself a meaningless hookup.

-

about an hour later you have your side piece’s head between your thighs as you’re belting out every curse word you can think of, your mind racing through nothing but tunnels as your vision darkens sans the stars you see around your head. jason was the nicest man you’d met since you moved to los angeles, he knew how to treat a woman’s body but also how to make you feel like you were floating. of course you two didn’t go farther than just sex, jason didn’t want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and you had calum at home so nothing would come of this affair.

jason came up and pressed his lips to yours, laying one hand up next to your head and the other was laying between your folds, collecting your orgasm before pulling away slightly and inserting his pointer finger into his mouth and sucking you off of him before he slides his middle finger into your mouth letting you both have a taste before you attach tongues again, tasting you with a bit of mint thrown into the mix. he pulls his fingers out of you mouth to blindly slide a condom on, never breaking the kiss before he slides himself in your tight walls then returns his hand to the side of your face. he definitely wants as big as calum is but he definitely knows how to use his cock, swirling his hips to make a beautiful rhythm between your bodies. much to your demise he pulls his mouth away from yours and attaches it to your neck and toying with your breasts with his free hand. he bit and nibbled on your neck, making sure to keep you stimulated, earning light squeals from you as he gently bit your throat then swirled his tongue to soothe the sting, though his hips never faltering. your hands were buried in his hair, tugging when he would do something you particularly liked which made him want to burst right there. jason was a peculiarly attractive man, he had long enough brown hair that you could grab ahold of and tug on as much as you wanted to, (calum’s was long enough to pull but you couldn’t really get a good grip on it) his eyes were a deep shade of emerald but he never really kept eye contact long enough for you to notice the little specks like calum’s deep brown eyes when the sun hits them just right you can see the flecks of yellow and almost auburn. jason’s hands were smaller than calum’s, he could hold your whole breast in his hand while jason’s hand was smaller and his fingers didn’t reach quite the same spots inside of you as calum’s long digits do.

jason’s hips practically had a mind of their own filling you up deliciously downstairs while his hands and mouth explored your upper body, never staying in one place which had your mind reeling.

by the time you both spilled over the edge, you were putty in his hands, despite your body’s buzzing of the aftershock, you gave jason a wave and jogged to your car from the rundown apartment building that jason lived in, he’s a messier man than calum ever could be, never really cleans up after himself. you would never judge somebody for their income or their living style but having known ahead of time you’d expect him to clean up a little before you’d arrive… maybe he did, that thought alone sent shivers down your spine. the fact there were multiple pizza boxes and other pieces of garbage lying around the living room as you two were walking through to the bedroom; calum was one to always make sure that if anyone was coming over, even if the maid he’d hired came over, he’d always make sure the house was presentable.

once you left jason’s and embarrassingly compared him to your other affair, you decided to go to home, making sure once you parked that you didn’t see his friend’s car there, which you didn’t and you walked up to your bedroom. on the way through the house you noticed calum sitting on the couch with his phone in his hands and his attention on the television, he hadn’t even acknowledged that you were home. you silently scoffed to yourself before shaking your head and ascend up the stairs to your room. in the moment you found yourself wanting calum to want you.

you found (in your opinion) your sexiest bra and panty set that you were aware that calum hadn’t known about; he never needed to know about your lingerie collection due to never having to really seduce him, he was the one who always started things off and tonight that was going to change. for once in you and calum’s relationship, you were the one who was going to show him the ropes, you are going to be in control. once you were satisfied in your outfit choice, you went to your bathroom and showered jason’s funk and sweat off of you then made your way to your bedroom, and made sure you had moisturized yourself before blow drying your hair and making it look almost as if you actually were trying to get calum’s attention, which you were but you wanted the fact to be subtle. you changed and slid a long white shirt on top that was almost see through which you most definitely could see the dark blue lace of the lingerie which complimented your skin almost too well.

you made your way downstairs, the first floor being lit up by the spotlights on the ceiling as well as the tv, calum’s head was still watching the show he was so invested in until you walked past the screen and turned to look at him innocently. you turned back around to the dvd movies under the tv cabinet and bent over, your behind stuck out from under the shirt just enough that calum could see what you were wearing underneath. calum let out an annoyed sigh as he craned his neck to keep watching his show as you picked out a random movie. you stood tall and looked at him with all of the pent up annoyance you’d suffered with all day.

“calum what the fuck is up with you today?” you say almost yelling.

his reaction was only making you angrier by the second, he barely even moved a muscle he just shrugged one shoulder and put his eyes back on the screen. you tightened your grip on the dvd case before you stood directly in front of him to block his view to which he just looked down at his phone and started scrolling through any form of social media. you grabbed his phone and laid it on the table, despite your subconscious saying to throw it as hard as you could against the wall, it fell to the table with a light clunk noise. you leaned over in front of him, hands on either side of the chair he was sitting in, giving him a good view down the front of your shirt but he stared past your eyes to the wall behind you. you gently but firmly took his chin between your thumb and index fingers and turned his face to look at you, which he looked into your eyes for a brief moment before he averted them to your legs.

“calum i swear to god if you don’t fucking look at me i’m gonna go batshit,” you say, your hands trembling with rage. “please just tell me what’s wrong, i can’t take this,” your voice cracks towards the end and you damn your genes for making you so sensitive during confrontation.

calum heard your voice crack and he looked at you, finally saying a real sentence to you, which broke the crack to your heart and shattered you like the porcelain doll that was your heart.

“we need to end things,” he simply said.

the dvd in your hands clattered to the floor and duke ran over and started sniffing to inspect it; this was your first time seeing duke all day despite your heart shattering you would’ve scooped him up and rubbed his ears like he loves. your eyes never left calum’s and vice versa. he could see your heart shattering and his was cracking straight down the middle, he never thought that this day would come but he finally found a girl that he thinks could be the one he could finally settle down with and open his heart to, that girl wasn’t you though, so he had to take the first step into winning this woman over.

“it’s her isn’t it? the bird that you had over here today?” she says, tears threatening to fall but staying at bay until calum’s nod confirms her heartbreak, the tears fall just as the pieces of her heart fail to stay together.

“can she fuck you better than i can?” y/n says confidently, despite the tears making paths along her cheeks. calum was stunned, he’d never heard such words come from y/n, even in the hottest moments of passion. she kept her eyes on his as she slowly climbed up into his lap and sat upon his thighs, caging him into his seat. “come on cal, tell me, i’m the only one who can get you this hard, i know how to make you feel good. come on baby, tell me and i’ll give you what you want, i’ll make you feel so fucking good.” he had to avoid her eyes otherwise he’d give in, those were his weakness, the eyes were the windows to the soul and y/n’s was bared to him, he was totally under her spell as he felt his hands going up her waist, meaning to push her off but only brought her lips to his. the day’s activities truly only made him want her more, he’d never wanted to hurt y/n by giving her the silent treatment but he had no idea how to bring up the fact that he wanted to start dating someone, for real. having fucked mariah only made him want y/n more and her words, those damn naughty words only made him realize just how much this situation meant to him, sure he wasn’t in love with y/n, no but she meant so much to him that he couldn’t even remember the other woman’s name with y/n on top of him. y/n made him weak and she knew it.

“p-please,” he whimpered which made y/n smirk, he hated that she had so much power over him. she on the other hand was loving the fact that she was the alpha right now.

“please what? baby, i need to hear your words, what to you want?” y/n knew exactly what she was doing, calum had done this same taunting to her many times. she wasn’t going to let calum get away this easily, this entire relationship was built on sex and this was the way she was going to win him back.

“w-want your mouth, your pussy, your hand, a-anything, please, love.” calum’s brain was swimming, he didn’t even know the words that were coming out of his mouth, his mind was in overdrive and she was driving him even further up the wall.

“should i give you what you want? i think you’ve been quite naughty, think you can get rid of me that easily? you’d be mistaken,” y/n continues, grinding herself down on cal’s cock, keeping a steady rhythm. she was not going to let her emotions and need get to her this time, she was in control for once and she wanted to revel in it.

once feeling y/n grinding down on him, he laid his head in the crook of her neck, whimpering as the uncomfortable hardening in his pants. his hands were attached to her hips like glue, trying to get her to move faster against him, anything to cause friction, y/n took the opportunity while he was distracted to take her long shirt off and show him her set. y/n’s breasts were perfectly hung in the push up bra, her tits almost spilling out, causing calum to stare at them as they bounced with her movements. he set his hands lower to grab onto her lace-clad ass and grip it tightly before laying a quick spank to it before he massaged his hands over both cheeks again to soothe the sting. her whimper was heard through the apartment just louder than the tv was playing, sending a rush of blood to calum’s cock and wetness to pool in her panties.

much to calum’s demise she climbed off of calum, her tits directly in his face and he sent his tongue out to get any bit of skin he could reach. she grabbed a throw pillow off the couch and sat on her knees in front of calum, her mouth watering at the sight of him hardening by the second, who knew calum was such a sub.

y/n gently tugged on calum’s shirt and he quickly pulled it off before she leaned up and kissed his chest gently, running her bottom lip all the way up. he tilts his head back as she uses her tongue to lead her mouth to his then leaned up and pecked his lips all so gently. if he was going to end this, she wanted to make the most of it. he of course kissed her back, grabbing the sides of her neck gently to keep her still for him, savoring the taste of her lips. they pulled away at the same time, breathless, and y/n went to work, she grabbed onto the waistband of his boxers, careful not to pinch his skin and gently peeled the boxers down to reveal him. she kissed his tip then bit her lips, licking the bit of precum off her mouth before her throat worked and spit into her hand, bringing it up to him and pumped the bit of his shaft closest to his balls before she took the head in her mouth and sucked and licked the tip, making sure he was lubricated. his head was spinning at the feeling of her mouth on him, she was an expert on calum’s body and they both knew it. she pulled off a bit before looking up at him,

“if you try to fuck my face, i wont let you cum at all tonight,” her eyes teary but dark and full of dominancy—he’d never seen this side of y/n before—he nodded and looked at her like a little kid, agreeing to anything if she’d keep going. she then bottomed him out, both of her hands on either of his thighs, taking him all the way in her mouth and sitting there for a second before coming back up for air, then doing the same, her nose touching his pelvis, breathing in and then out before pulling off of him, a trail of spit connecting her mouth to his cock. The gags and deep breaths coming for y/n make calum come back to reality, her head bobbing at almost a professional pace, he grabbed onto her hand and tugged on it, she shook her head as if to say that she wasn’t done, he tugged on her once more before she pulled off of him and swallowed the mix of precum and spit on her tongue.

“what?” she breathed and before she could say anything else, he motioned for her to come to him, his mouth attaching to hers, this kiss was something neither of them had experienced with each other before, both of them feeling more than just the heat of the moment passion, this kiss was a knee weakening, heart stopping, head spinning passion that they’d never shared before. y/n grabbed onto his face and they slowly stood up with each other, calum wrapping his arms around her thighs and she jumped up onto his torso, their clammy skin acting as glue to hold them together. calum carried her all the way up the stairs, practically kicking y/n’s door in and then shut it by pressing her against it. the kiss was never broken, neither of them wanted to ruin this moment, y/n’s dominant nature, calum’s conflicted mindset and both of their needs to please each other. he peeled her from the coolness of the door and her back was met with the soft fabric of the quilt on top of her bed. her hips were reaching to meet his, and he had to break the kiss, her back was caving a little so they could meet their foreheads,

“i’m never leaving you,” calum whispered as he looked deep into her irises, something only calum did when he was serious, her heart was slowly piecing back together. something told her that he meant more than he was saying but now was not the time. she gently pushed him up and laid him down against her quilt, climbing on top of him and his hands found their favorite place between her hips and her ribs, “please ride my face baby, i need to taste you.” calum whimpered at her and look up at her with almost child-like puppy dog eyes.

“how could i say no,” she whispered and stood up on her bed, looking down at him before sliding her blue laced panties down her legs and threw them across the room, moving up the bed and finding herself sitting right above his mouth and as soon as she was within reach, he was aiming her hole right above his mouth, his breath fanned over her wetness, cooling her heat off as he did and his tongue shot up stiff and flat as he licked a strip up her slit. he slid his hands up from her thighs, grazing her ass before holding onto her lower back holding onto her tightly as if she’d float away. she ground her hips against his mouth, eliciting little whimpers from her mouth, her left hand finding his short hair and her right flew to the headboard, knuckles turning white as her vision went black, her head flew up to face the ceiling, using the headboard to keep her grounded as he sucked on her clit, nipping at it a bit which made her let out a loud squeal of his name and a string of curses. calum seeing and hearing that made him never want it to stop, he made sure to nibble her clit once more. y/n had to do something, she wasn’t on earth, she was on cloud fucking nine and she had to ground herself, she reached behind her and grabbed onto his cock, pumping her fist rapidly before she struck an idea.

“cal, cal ssss-stop,” she hissed and he immediately thought something was wrong, he looked up at her with glossy eyes.

“are you okay, what did i do?” he whispered and gently pushed her up to look at her, this was the same way he’d always done it and he was scared that he’d hurt her.

“nothing, you did absolutely nothing wrong, that was… perfect. i want to try something, if you’re down.” she said and slowly moved down from near his mouth. he looked at her wearily and nodded.

“will it hurt?” he whispered, holy shit he was so fucking cute right now. looking like a little puppy that lost his way home.

“no baby, i want to try a sixty-nine, we’ve never done it before and i want to make you feel good, while you’re making me feel good,” she says and turns around in the reverse cowgirl position but over his mouth, she looks down at him through her legs and he nods for her to sit down. she slowly sits on his mouth and he immediately starts licking and sucking at her hole and her clit simultaneously which sent her almost flying as she bucked her back involuntarily. she leaned down and kissed his tip once again, sending a wave through him which only got better as she sunk down on him, her chin grazing his lower abdomen. she let out a gag noise and gargled in her throat to keep her esophagus calm, calum practically came just from the friction and the noises she was making also from her own pleasure. she sat up pulled herself off of his tongue and turned around, “such a pretty boy,” she whispers and runs her finger down his cheek gently, “put your arms up here,” y/n says a little louder. she sits upon his sternum, taking his hands in hers and laid small pecks on his knuckles before she raised them above his head, laying them on the posts of her headboard, “keep your hands here,” she whispers. calum nods and follows her orders. his grip tightens when she runs her fingernail gently up his sensitive shaft, he gasps and bites his lip.

“please baby, i need it,” calum whimpers and looks down at her. the smirk on her face makes calum almost angry, they both know that he’s putty and she’s drinking it up shamelessly.

“are you my little slut? thinking that you can fuck another girl in our house while i’m just down the hall?” she whispers through her teeth, anger just at her surface. “do you think you should be punished for being a little slut?” y/n says, her fingernail still grazing his swollen cock. calum’s brain quite literally cant form a full sentence, y/n’s words, her touch, his guilt, his brain is swimming in mush.

“please mama, punish me,” he whimpers “i’ve been so fucking bad,” he grips the posts tight, his knuckles turning white.

“roll over and lay on your stomach, hands go back just as they were,” she commands and sits up to let him roll over, even though she’s showing dominance she’s still trying to be gentle, calum thought. he feels a sting on his bare ass along with a loud smack. he grips the posts in his hands and bites his lip, his gasp is the only thing that is heard in the silence of the room. y/n gains a little confidence and slaps his ass again, biting her lip as she watches it bounce against the friction of her hand.

“such a bad boy,” she whispers into his ear. she’s leaning beside his head, looking him directly in the eyes. cal’s face flushes and she leans down to kiss his cheek, “if any of this is overwhelming in anyway, please tell me to stop,” she says, totally serious and runs her hand through his hair gently. he nods and she leans down to peck his lips softly.

“please keep going,” he whimpers against her mouth, “been so bad i need to be reprimanded,” he says, shooting her a smirk.

y/n goes back between his legs, toying with his balls, laying another smack on his ass, making his body jolt up. she sits up, spreading his ass cheeks and spits a wealthy amount onto his puckered hole, he lets out a high pitched whimper while he anticipates her next move. looking up at him as she uses her hand that is free from his sack and uses her thumb to spread her saliva around, lubing him up nicely. she looks up at him for approval to keep going which he grants quickly. her thumb dips into his tight asshole, he lays his head into her pillows, tightening his grip on her bed posts and shuts his eyes as she stretches him out.

“holy shiiiiiit,” he whimpers after he turns his head back to try to get a glance at her. she slides her thumb out making calum whimper at the loss but is quickly reassured as she slides her pointer finger in, sucking his balls into her mouth, his brain is overwhelmed with pleasure and all his body can do is spasm at her touch. his orgasm just around the corner. y/n knows his body language too well and can tell that he’s so close. she doesn’t want him to release just yet.

“so needy,” y/n says and bites onto his ass cheek. “think you’ve been punished enough?” she asks leaving one last smack on his ass before she nudges his hip for him to roll over.

he immediately rolls onto his back and tries to grip her hair, wanting some type of control which she slaps his hand. hard. “hands back up…” she says taking his wrists and leans him up back to the posts “...and lean up against the headboard,” she adds and helps him sit up, “I’m gonna ride you, keep your hands on the posts.” he nods, his ability to conversate has gone out the window along with his sobriety. y/n is his drug and he’s an addict.

she reaches up onto her headboard to use as leverage before she turns around, getting in the reverse cowgirl position then she aligns herself and slides down on his cock, sighing at how he fills her up perfectly.

calum can’t stop staring at her ass bouncing deliciously on his cock, the way she wraps around him so tightly. her movements start to speed up as his cock is hitting her spongy button, her body writhing above his. she’s using her hands to keep her leverage which gives calum the best angle, his moans mixing with hers.

“fuck, your pussy swallows my cock so good, always,” he whimpers which brings y/n so close to her edge.

“oh my god i’m so close, fuck,” she moans out, he takes her vulnerability as a chance as he takes his hands off of the posts, lifting her ass up and starts fucking up into her, her screams start flowing out like water. he pulls her back against his front, bringing his hand up to her throat squeezing just enough to make her breathing labor.

she starts grinding down on him, pushing his cock into her g-spot and she’s done for, her orgasm takes her over as she gasps. his hand moves from her throat to her breasts, swallowing them with his hands and before he can comprehend the squeezing and clenching of her pussy, he’s releasing inside of her, both of them trembling as she leans back against him and he leans against the headboard, both catching their breaths.

“you think you can just leave me for somebody else? we both know damn well that nobody else can fuck you like that,” she whispers, her head leaning against his shoulder. he shakes his head with a breathless chuckle, his mind still in subspace.

“god i love you,” he whispers, biting his lip.

“calum-“ you start to which he interrupts.

“no, y/n nobody cares like you, nobody loves like you, nobody feels like you. you are the most unique person i’ve ever met; I don’t want anybody else to have you and I don’t want to have anybody else.” he says and runs his hand up your leg and intertwines your fingers.

“are you just saying this stuff because you’re still in subspace?” you whisper, giggling a little making you clench around him which makes both of you let out a little moan at the realization that he’s still inside of you.

“no, i’ve been thinking about this for a while, i tried to distract myself with other girls but i physically cant fathom not having you in my life,” he says. your heart stops and you look back at him, biting your lip, your mouth not being able to move.

calum, Calum, calum, Calum Hood, the man that you had moved in with when you moved to los angeles, the man who so graciously took you out your first night and there you met jason. you’d drunkenly stumbled into him and made a complete fool out of yourself, he thought you were charismatic and gorgeous so after sharing a drink or two, you exchanged numbers and the rest was history. if it weren’t for calum, you wouldn’t have met him. if you didn’t have that same night, all those drinks with jason, you and calum wouldn’t have started this whole situation together, you two wouldn’t be here. right now. together. his cock still inside you, warming and filling you up. that first time that you two shared wasn’t only the first for you two, it was the first time for you in general. he was your first and your last (a couple in between but we won’t ruin the moment). he was your first passionate kiss as well, even though you shared it just an hour ago. now you can see, he’s the only man you could ever see or think about. in a crowded club, on stage, in your house, in your bed, he consumed you.

“y/n please say something,” he says his voice low, nervous, he brings you out of your thoughts. you literally couldn’t say anything so you did the next best thing, you reach around yourself and cup the side of his face, looking into his eyes—your favorite color—then kiss him, the most magical, sparkle between the two of you had lit. You lift yourself off of him, causing yourself to whimper into his mouth at the emptiness in your abdomen before you turn fully around climbing onto your knees, feeling a subtle drip between your legs. he wraps his arms around your waist and he sits up with you, reciprocating the kiss as well not daring to break it. he runs his hand up your clammy back and gently lays you back into the bed, your hands burying themselves into his hair out of muscle memory.

cal runs his hands down your front, gently taking your breasts into his hands then runs his mouth down to your neck, leaving love marks into your tender skin. your eyes roll to look at the ceiling, calum’s touch so gentle like he’s afraid he’d break you. you both were so fragile, so vulnerable. his mouth taunts at your right nipple, his hips grinding down into your core. the heat rising in your stomach, you whimper into the quiet air.

“calum, come here,” you whisper, your hand tugging on his hair and he lifts himself up, his mouth hovering over yours.

“yes?” he whispers, his lips grazing over yours and his breath fans over your lips and chin.

“i love you,” you whisper. he chuckles, his smile bright and his eyes squint. you meet him in the middle as he kisses your lips, both of your tongues dancing together.

he pulls away just for a second to look into your bright eyes—full of love and lust— for your consent. with a gentle nod he slides himself in once more, filling you up even more than before the extra full feeling being your newfound love.

you suddenly feel just how sensitive you were which causes a whimper to escape your mouth and your pussy to clench around him. he groans in your ear at the friction and he bites onto your earlobe.

his hips start thrusting at a faster pace, knowing neither of you were going to last much longer due to the sensitivity you both were sharing. he swivels his hips just at the right angle causing him to hit your g-spot and you let out a yelp.

“oh god yes, please cal, fuck me,” you whimper, he obliges. his hips going on the same route to meet your g-spot with his tip repeatedly, each time you clench around him. he goes even harder and faster until he has you seeing stars, your eyes meeting as you feel a snap in your abdomen, your body convulsing under him at the same time he snaps as well climaxing inside of you, his hand coming up to meet yours beside your head, intertwining your fingers and squeezing.

as he pulls out you both wince and he lays down next to you. he pulls you into his side and lays a kiss where your shoulder and neck meet. you smile dazed and hum intertwining your fingers with the hand that’s wrapped around your waist. he outstretches your hands and plays with your fingertips, making you giggle.

“i love you,” you whisper.

calum hums, “say it again,” he whispers.

“i love you… i love you, i love you, i love you,” you whisper right back and he smiles against your shoulder, looking at your hands as he still plays with your fingers.

“i love you, too,” he whispers and lays another kiss against your neck.

he was also your first love...

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Ground Rules

Geralt lays down the law with the help of yennefer after catching the reader haveing a bit of me time in the bath.

Masterlist

Ok this took all day as i couldnt stop tweaking it and i got to the point iv just got to step back and throw it out there or im gonna scream.Any way this is to go along with pastry negotiations its based after that one so could be considered part two? can be read stand alone tho in all honesty these modern reader inserts are gonna jump about in timeline cos my plot bunnys are twats. Im basing my Ciri on a mix of mature netflix Ciri and slightly mischievous witcher 3 Ciri. Any way i hope you enjoy this one im pretty pleased with it xx 

WARNING: Adult Themes, Smut, DubCon Swearing MxFxF 18+

Dont like it dont read it.

Geralt snaps when you take matters into your own hands.

The Ground Rules

"Well someone is excited" Jaskier drolled as he watched your form slowly creating distance between you as you marched ahead.

As the small rickety town came into veiw you cried out a victorious and dramatic "still alive" causing eye rolls and chuckles in the group. Honestly this was the first real town you'd come to since being here and you were thrilled. Sure you'd passed a tiny smattering of houses four or so days ago where you'd traded for some bread, tiny amount of dried meat and a few other essentials oh! and yenn had managed to replace your pastry to the amusment of the resident witcher. They'd both been more open with you since the whole pastry incident-which you thought was an off handed comment on yennefers part but she and geralt had since indicated otherwise.

The people in the village had mentioned of a near by town that was rumoured to have a contract out on a nest of some monster thingamajigs that you hadn't botherd to remeber the name of .You looked down the verge towards the town with immediate thoughts of eat, bathe and sleep- on a bed, a real fucking bed ,ok so it wont be a temper mattress but you could live with that-oh my fucking god hot water,a nice loooong soak you moaned in your throat the thought alone brought tears to your eyes. You walked ahead trying to usher the group.

And maybe you could have your own room. Honestly sharing a bed with the couple was becoming an issue for you,your crush on them was definatly getting out of control now constantly blushing under their heated glances and they are becoming more touchy feely, Hands lingering longer than nesscasary or leaning in so close so thier breath tickled the hairs on your neck basically doing anything to get you flustered and you swear to god yesterday yennefer copped a feel whilst helping you threw a small steam which you didn't need help with;not that she listened. Bottom line you were becoming sexualy frustrated pretty much staying in a constant state of arousal a night away from them to take care of business would be very much appreciated. 

"Come ooooonnnn guys keep up" you turned looking back at them drawing out your whine befor resuming towards the town

"Someone should catch up with her she looks like a girl on a mission" Yennefer commented 

"Yes. Ciri would you keep her near the main gate and out of trouble while we settle roach in the stables ,here take her this she should cover up befor anyone gets any ideas" geralt grunted as your form began to dissapear down the brow of the hill ,ciri looked between the two before shrugging grabbing his offered cloak then ran to catch up with you.

You glanced to the side as you heard footsteps noticing Ciri fall in step with you she held out his cloak.

"Here geralt said to cover up before people get any ideas" you sighed it wasnt your fault his shirt hung off of you showing a large amount of shoulder and chest luckily when the hoover portal of doom sucked you in you were in fleece lined black leggings that had been durable enough to survive the last 3 weeks on the road(your stitch t shirt hadn't survived your initial fall) because you doubt he'd have anything your hips would get in to. Rolling your eyes you pulled the heavy fabric across your shoulders repostioning it so that it wasnt draging on the floor to much but was still sheilding your body. 

"He's such a dad" Ciri giggled nodding in agreement befor reciting what esle geralt had requested ordered. You scoffed shaking your head

"So he doesnt even trust me to walk through a town, he does realise im an adult right? That i can do things with out causing trouble. i mean for god sake im not jaskier" she snorted 

"I think its more like he doesnt want other men trying to sleep with you" you did a double take 

"The hell you know about that sort of shit? has Jaskier been corrupting you?"

 A knowing smirk crossed her face as she held her hands up coming to a halt facing you just inside the wooden gates of the town.

"You think i havent noticed whats going on by myself, Geralt likes you so does yenn jaskiers noticed to, think he's going to write a song" 

"He better bloody not and anyway maybe i want to find a companion for the night." You announced tersely crossing your arms only to freeze as you heard a growl from behind you.

"Oh yes, i may have forgot to mention that witchers are senses are really sensetive" she smiled sweetly, you gaped why were you only being told this now. Looking between her and the others approaching.

"Wh-what how the fuck you leave that out? d-do you think he heard us? from back there" She nodded 

"Most definitely" you gulped feeling yourself shrink into Geralts cloak a little at the looks you received from Geralt and Yennefer as he spoke to her telling her what youd just said.oh fuck.

"when you say senses you mean all of 'em? Not just one or two?" hoping beyond hope that something had been lost in translation.

"Nope all of them sight, smell, hearing the whole lot" she replied watching the colour drain from your horror sticken face. You'd been getting wet over the past few days. And the realisation that he probably knew embarrassed the shit out of you. Geralt smirked obviously he heard.You were so fucked.he knew and if he knew then she knew.oh my god. You were sooo fucked.'whelp there goes my dignity' you thought. He strode past you to the mediocre stables with roach in toe ready to hitch her for the night.Jaskier and yenn followed pulling some of the bags off of the horse then passing them out to their respective owners. Geralt then stood before you all giving you all the 'game plan' as you call it.

"we will find an inn and eat after that you get settled in for the night whist i see about this contract."

"don't bother about me tonight im going to catch myself a young fair maiden for the night" you scoffed at Jaskier's announcement drawing his attention

"Sounding like a creeper there Jask, what? you gonna do throw a net in the tavern? don't think they'd take to kindly to that" he huffed through his nose aggravated. 

"No im going to sing in the tavern and lure a beauty to my side for the night" you played along widening your eyes in false realization

"oohh so your gonna go pay for it, how does it work exactly is it by hour or-" Geralt quickly intervened covering your mouth one to stop the inevitable spat and two before you could corrupt Ciri any further Jaskier deadpanned giving you a flat look.

"you're welcome to come find out for yourself im sure your just Itching  to get some relief-"

"JASKIER! you go ahead at least try to keep a bit of coin back this time" Jaskier 1 Y/n 0.

You glowered behind Geralt's hand as he dismissed the smirking bard who turned on his heel prancing off quite pleased with himself. You smacked Geralt's hand away wiping your mouth with the back of your hand before slowly making your way down the street into town.It had taken nearly half an hour to find a decent inn that had room for the four of you. A room with two double beds that had a heavy curtain to split the room into two it was usually rented by traveling families. You groaned as you walked in, now you really couldn't take care of business, you followed Ciri as she placed her bag on the bed on the left following suit you placed yours on the other half of it only to have Yennefer quickly relocated it to her side of the other bed. Ciri snorted giving you a knowing look.you sighed then stomped across the room. Knowing all to well that it was futile to argue with the sorceress ,the witcher was stubborn but she was something else. Geralt handed a small pouch of coin to Yennefer.

"This is for the new clothes Ciri needs a thicker cloak preferably fur lined maybe new boots to not sure how long those will last in the mountains." yennefer hummed as she pocketed the money. 

"And the clothes for Y/n as well?" 

"Yes, should be enough there for what we discussed if not i'v got a bit more saved" you raised your brows blinking at them.

"err what was discussed? guys? what did you talk about? was it about me? helloooo" you waved as they ignored you.Yennefer pulled off her cloak leaving it on her side of the bed. you and Ciri followed their lead only for Geralt the tug yours back across you giving a sharp look as you rolled your eyes.The group made its way down into the quiet main room of the family run inn where you were served a meal of roast beef with vegetable trimmings ,before you knew it Geralt had left to find out about the contract with a final 'Behave' thrown in your direction.To which you grunted in response,too full to even tell him to 'jog on' - a phrase that still frustrated the witcher as he didn't know the meaning-. Yennefer had asked for a bath before your meal which you were just informed was ready leaving you alone with the sorceress. You had all decided Ciri would have the bath first then you, yennefer and finally geralt if he was back before it got cold.

"I cant breath" yennefer laughed out loud you rubbed your tummy closing your eyes

"I mean honestly, I think theres food in my lungs" groaning leaning back against the chair she gave a sympathetic smile

"Well you did inhale your food, maybe next time take it easy."

"Can you blame me, been the first meat iv recognized since i got here" It was true so far you'd been living on meats that you wouldn't have necessarily chose to eat back home rabbit,mutton venison ect.

"After we've bathed we will rest for the day but tomorrow we have to run over to the seamstress and get your new clothes, not sure how long we will be here and might have to order some or have them taken up,you are a little thing.Might have to have some leather work done too." you squinted pointing an accusing finger at her

"You calling me a midget? we going for shots now are we?" she smiled sheepishly

"No .no shots?. i just meant your petite don't worry its very cute. Anyway we are only picking up the basics a few day dresses ,Riding clothes boots that sort of thing" you blinked owlishly flushing as she called you cute. 

"Riding clothes yes. Dresses no thank you" she stared unblinking at you for a few moments making you squirm at the calm expectant gaze that was getting heavier by the second, it was like the eyes of a mother when you'd been caught doing some dumb shit you knew you shouldn't be doing.

"Stop it....Yenn no... cant i just get something like Geralt has..please... i'd be much more comfortable...even Jaskier i mean im not one for the puffy bits but 'd make do....."

she blinked slowly

"Oh fine but only one or two no more and your not getting rid of these leggings either" you gave in, her gaze was to unnerving and it did things to you. Her face lit up. She was looking forward to seeing you in feminine gown instead of a her and Geralt's shirts not that she minded but it'd be a nice change to your strange stetchy leggings (not that she minded you in the form fitting bottoms) She moved leaning in to your side hand on your thigh patting it lightly.

"Thank you, don't be so worried i will take good care of everything" you gulped as you felt the flushed skin of your face grow hotter,your core clenching and warming at her sultry reply you closed your eyes trying to regain a bit of control. Suddenly her attention was drawn to a pink skinned Ciri who had finished her bath and changed Yenn nodded and released your thigh. You bolted upstairs hearing a chuckle as you did.

Once in the room you sighed in relief, making your way towards the screened off section that held a large oval tub full of steaming water. Discarding your clothes as you all but melted into the hot water.You submerged yourself getting your hair wet scratching tentatively at your scalp that had begun to ache under the grime. Spotting a small stool with what you'd consider toiletries, a bar of hard sweet smelling soap and a few vials.You grabbed the soap, opting for using it for your hair as well unsure what vials did what and went where.After scrubbing all the built up sweat and dirt you you closed your eyes lounging back against the slanted end tub you relaxed a few moments it wasn't long before you were feeling much better ,tired muscles succumbing to the soothing hot water.your body hummed. 'no one would have to know' as your summarized that this was the perfect opportunity to relieve yourself of other tensions, 

'its not like geralt could smell you under water, i mean i dont think dogs can thats why criminals cross rivers when their being hunted on tv isn't it?' biting your lip you peaked an eye open and listened out carefully feeling naughty when you began moving your hand to the apex of your thighs gasping as your finger ghosted over your hardened bundle of nerves .Fuck. Your clit was sensitive not surprising when Geralt and Yennefer had practically edged you for nearly a week. You whined quietly as you began a fast rhythm on your clit ,other hand slinking down to your opening rubbing your fingers up and down the warm weeping hole. You bit off a groan as your hips gyrated against your roaming hands. Stomach tensing as you drove yourself faster and faster to the edge.Almost there.Fuck almost-you jumped hissing 'shit' ,ripping your hands away from yourself , sitting up fast enough to make your head spin splashing a wave of water over the floor when you heard the door open slamming the wall beside it.

"err theres some one in here!" you called out loudly, angry at who ever just interrupted you.You got nervous as the heavy steps quickly made their way towards you.Realizing who ever it was didn't care for your modesty as they were coming your way you slung your top half out of the tub to grasp the towel screaming because before you could grasp it and cover yourself a large calloused hand enveloped your shoulder shoving you back into the water.

"WH-GERALT THE FUCK? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME." you shouted at him as he released you then you looked down slapping your hands down to cover your self as he raised his eyebrows and gave a lop sided grin.He defiantly looked like the big bad wolf in that moment eyes ablaze with a hunger you wasn't sure you wanted to explore or not. Collecting yourself swallowing dryly before scolding him in a voice that seemed to become smaller with each word.

"hey! get the fuck out im trying to bathe you prick" you heard the door open and close again in a less violent fashion. And suprize suprize yennefer glided into view behind the .

"Thats not all you were doing tho was it? i can fucking smell you" was growled at you as geralt wet his lips you squeaked. 

"huh? b-but.. i thought..w-water" you stuttered out as your brain malfunctioned on on an epic scale. Yennefer gave out a loud laugh.

"so thats why he tore threw the inn like that.honestly Geralt i thought something was wrong" she continued laughing as she replayed the way geralt had all but vaulted the tables to get to the stairs. you pouted throughly humiliated

"something is wrong" he ground out before kneeling beside you .Shifting you tired to create some distance from him. He was having none of that wasting no time thrusting his hands into the water tugging away your shielding hand the other forcing its way between your legs. You slammed back against the tub gasping trying to get away. All you'd achieved was his hand pinning your hips to the back of the bath by your pussy

"GERALT WHA-"  

"Lets lay down some ground rules" He squeezed your throbbing heat in his hand curling his fingers dangerously close to your opening you bucked moaning breathlessly .Your eyes searched Yennefer's for help but she wore a similar hungry look that he had. Another slow squeeze brought your attention back to the brooding alpha male in the room.

"This is ours.ours to lick,suck and fuck as we see fit, to do what we please with and is off limits to your wandering little hands we clear on that?" You groaned out as he emphasized certain words with teasing brushes of fingers and a slow rub of his palm. Realizing that he might actually be serious.You nodded quickly babbling as he rocked his hand back and forth igniting the heat that you had built alone.

"C-crystal-please Geralt PLease" You threw your head back as his hand moved deliberate and teasing.

"You think you deserve it? after being caught up here playing with yourself?" You nodded then shook your head confused, unable to really concentrate on anything apart from his magnificent hand ,half lidded eyes and clenching your fingers tight around the thumb he was using it to control your movements as your body whithered under his ministrations.

"Really?" He said smirking as he held completely still you sucked through your teeth biting back curses.He chuckled smug bastard. moving trying to get some friction to no avail.

"Well we have been teasing the poor thing ,of course shes going to try sorting herself out the first chance she gets .Honestly Geralt what did you expect? i did tell you" yennefer reasoned as she stood behind you combing threw your wet hair you before grasping your free hand pulling it up out of the way kissing your palm before ghosting her nose down your neck pressing soft kisses along it you mewled at her and tried to coax geralt to continue again by rolling your hips.

"I suppose we could let her off this time" His voice was pure sex as he glanced down before giving into pushing two thick fingers up into you. his breach of your walls had an initial sting but was incredible as your needy walls tried sucking him deeper greedy to be filled.

"oh-oh fuck Ger-please" you arched your back pushing down onto his hand clutching onto Yennefer's wrist. you were so hot .fuck.he was gonna make you cum too quick. You panted throwing your head side to side as your legs tensed then raised up towards your torso, your pussy wrapped tight around Geralts fingers as he held them deep every few thrusts making you feel just how your walls rippled around him. he alternated between fast and shallow then slow and deep trying to build you up slowly he wasn't going to rush you, he was skilled enough to walk you up to the edge and throw you off whenever he damn well pleased. You'd never been this desperate in your life . Yenn's cool fingers delicately teased out your nipples pinching and flicking them until they stood out provocatively. You rocked against the both of them as Geralt made sure to start dragging your clit up and down with his palm as he finger fucked you curling his fingers searching for that small spot that'd send your mind reeling. Yenn had leaned down kissing your cheek and begun whispering lowly into your ear.

"He knows what he's doing doesn't he?Iit wont take him long to find every single spot you have, thats the thing with bedding a witcher they are much more observant then regular men. I have no doubt he will know when your going to orgasm before you do.He has the ability to force them out of nowhere when ever he pleases.. He is quite cruel like that" you moaned out loud snapping your head back high pitched and vulgar sounds tore from your throat as Geralts invading fingers began rubbing furiously back and forth on a soft spot inside of you.Unable to control yourself as your legs and tummy spasmed erratically as your tearfull moans and pleas filled the room

"Thats it oh i think iv found it~" he boasted as he moved his elbow pinning a knee to the side of the tub leaving your clit cruelly exposed for Yennefer,they shared a look as she moved her hand down to join Geralts taking over to rub small firm circles on your exposed clit.

"oh-OH fuck noNOno i cant please i ca-UGh to-Too much please FUCK" Yennefer was quick to swallow your moans in a kiss of clashing teeth and tongues before any one could hear ,tears streamed down your face as your body ached your pussy contracting painfully around his swiping digits. Pulling back for air the sorceress placed open mouthed kisses over your shoulders leaving red marks with her teeth and sucking bites.

"Good girl your being sooo good you don't have to ask this time" she praised as she reached your ear befor sucking harshly below your jaw. you were quickly becoming putty in their hands Geralt growled as he picked up the begining tremors of your orgasm.

"Look at me" you obeyed instantly moaning as you watched the white wolf pull his lip up in a snarl that would have scared you any other time.

"This is what you were made for, your ours, we own you, mind body and soul we own every whimper ,every tear ,every orgasm and hole they are ours for the taking when ever we choose,from now only ecstasy you will know is what we give you" You'd never have guessed how filthy his mouth could be but it seemed to have the desired effect as a sudden rush of heat was your only warning before rearing up screaming out, not sure if you'd shut your eyes or blacked out for a moment as you gushed into the bath water.Geralt pressed into you persistent while Yennefer's hand continued the tight circles efficiently drawing out the best orgasm your ever had.Finally their movements ceased and your body went limp wracked trembling in the aftermath as your orgasm ebbed away slowly. After giving you a few moments to come down and catch your breath Geralt removed his fingers you whimpered inside's still so sensitive after your orgasm, sucking on them he moaned deep and feral before plucking your clenched fingers off his thumb. Yennefer quickly wiped your pussy gently clearing the cum from between your swollen lips. Making you twitched as the cloth ran over you.Pulling you from the bath was a joint effort as they rested you on the bed and began patting you dry with the towel.Moaning in protest as your arms waved loosely trying to take over only having your hand smacked away as they finished.Lying back looking up at them bleary eyed trying to stay awake you felt like jelly, giving up fighting you rolled over yawning tucking your arms below your head Yennefer tilted her head stroking your hair sending you into a relaxed sleep.

"Poor dear ,Oh look at her geralt shes all fucked out and we haven't even fucked her yet" 

"hmm she'll be ok we just need to work on her stamina" he replied patting your bottom as he pulled the cover over your washed out form.Geralt panicked

"Shit wheres Ciri?"

"well when you came charging in down stairs i told her to go find Jaskier and stay there until one of us came to get her" Yennefer said with a sly grin he shook his head and scooped her up kissing her passionately. As he took a few steps to the now vacant bath

"well the bath is still warm care to join me?"

"with pleasure lets try not to wake her tho"

.

See you soon xxx

[tigerdrop]

What is your Benrey’s motivation for everything that happened in Black Mesa? Getting Gordon’s hand cut off, trying to kill the Science Team, etc. Was it all a game to him and he didn’t realize the seriousness of it to the others? Did he actually want to kill them but is chill now?

oh man i have thought about this anon. way more than perhaps i should

so, you know, initially his motivation is just doing his job. you see a guy with his dick out and without the credentials to be where he is, you do your job and ask for it. but at the same time, hes also literally been described as “openly lustful” after gordon by WRTV, and i think that plays a factor here too - benrey keeps following him b/c he just plain likes the guy. how he actually expresses that desire notwithstanding

but then u get into the betrayal and the final boss fight and everything. and my long-winded and unorganized rationale for all that stuff is: what i think is that benrey is, you know, self-aware as the title implies, and he knows that hes got a part to play here. hes kind of “supposed” to be the bad guy. and at first he has fun playing the game - he really gets a kick out of making gordons life difficult and stressing him out and scaring him a little sometimes. its all games to him! and if theres one thing benrey makes clear, its that he just wants to play games with people, whether its video games or thinly-veiled power play games. he likes pushing gordons limits and seeing him get all fuckin sweaty and anxious and hearing him yelp with surprise. you know, for normal reasons.

but at the same time, he also really seems to like making gordon laugh, and theres a constant push-pull between these aspects of him. benrey doesnt have a very high level of emotional intelligence/awareness/whatever you wanna call it, and he processes his feelings for gordon much like a fuckin kindergartner pulling their crush’s pigtails. benrey likes being mean, he likes being obnoxious, and he likes being condescending, that much is all true. but its all in service of one thing: getting a rise out of gordon, b/c he fucking likes the guy and likes having his attention, whether its positive or negative. (although judging from how much he goes out of his way to do silly shit to make gordon laugh, he really likes the positive stuff, too.)

(on a side note: its really, really funny how much more/harder gordon laughs at benreys jokes than anybody elses. he clearly likes benrey a lot, at least to an extent. like, whenever theyre underwater and theyre all going BBBBB, gordon only really laughs when benrey does it, and he only plays along and makes the noise himself when benrey does it. thats fucking cute, man)

its also worth pointing out that for all that benrey gets in gordons way and makes life difficult for him, hes also pretty protective of him and tries to be helpful in his own way. see: benrey stepping in to “protect” him from the other security guard at the very beginning, and leaping into action to shoot shit to protect gordon, and pulling him up from the ladder when gordons struggling to get out of fucking sewage, and attempting to help out with puzzles. he also gets jealous of other people being the target of gordons affection/attention, too. honestly benreys just really fuckin capricious, but at his core he does a lot of the shit he does b/c he really likes gordon. even if that manifests as him being a condescending asshole who does shit specifically to piss gordon off or scare the daylights out of him (b/c, at his core, he is also kind of a creep.)

he doesnt really seem to understand the consequences of his actions and the games he plays a lot of the time, either. at his core i dont think benrey wants to hurt gordon for reals - he sounds genuinely surprised and upset that the military was cutting off gordons hand. and he was probably Actually Unhappy to see gordon being in severe pain like that. thats not fun anymore, right, thats not playing the game that benrey wanted to play. my understanding is that he sold gordon out because he knows the part hes gotta play, right. somebodys supposed to be the “bad guy”. whether hes being pushed into it by gman or for whatever other reason. he just.......never anticipated that it would lead to that, i think. the entire science team was shocked at gordons hand getting cut off, too, and honestly theyre all culpable for what happened to gordon! they were all conspiring for one reason or another, whether deliberately or through being tricked into it

as like further justification for that idea, benrey intermittently forgets what the deal is with gordon missing his hand, like at the end of part 3 where he sounds genuinely worried about what happened to gordons arm. and he also doesnt really seem to “get” what the deal is with people being dead - stuff cant really hurt him, and he expresses surprise and confusion during part 4 when they keep running into dead scientists. probably all he really “gets” is that humans are supposed to have all their body parts, and theyre supposed to be, you know, alive and well, but his grasp on the concepts of severe bodily harm and death is.......loose at best. along with his grasp on “human concepts and needs” in general

and honestly during part 4 i get the vibe that benrey doesnt.......actually want them to get to the end. he doesnt want to have to be the big bad boss. he keeps trying to get them all to turn back and go back to black mesa proper. and hes really dialed up to 11 during this part, both in terms of being an obnoxious obstacle to gordons goals and in terms of doing as much as he can to be cute and nice and make gordon laugh. its really pointed IMO. like, the conflicting goals of thinking, “if i get in his way enough, hell give up and he wont go to xen and have to fight me” and also “maybe if im really nice to him and make him laugh a lot, hell listen to me and we wont have to fight”. hes really wringing the most that he can out of their interactions before they have to fight each other. unfortunately for benrey, that gives off some really mixed messages, and thats just not gonna work

theres also the bit during the final boss fight where gordon cant find the last passport, and benrey just so happens to pull one out and be like “oh nooo haha you mean this one? you better not shoot it and beat me”. which really hammers home the point that he doesnt necessarily want to be the big bad evil guy, and he doesnt really want to kill gordon. but he has to play the part he was given. all he really wants is to be friends, and also to suck gordon freemans dick. (why not both?)

but at the same time, i imagine that benreys really confused and unhappy by the mixed messages that gordon gives him, too. benrey sounds so like........genuinely sad and dejected after gordon gets mad at him during part 4 over the events of the past day, focused on benrey alone. benreys probably really stressed out by all of this. he just wanted to be gordons friend, but gordon keeps taking out all his anger on him. and gordons mad at him for killing people, but gordons killed a bunch of people too. he doesnt get why the rules are different for gordon or why the rules keep changing or why gordon keeps getting mad at him and then laughing at his jokes like it’s nothing. the whiplash is probably hard to deal with and might well contribute to him being like “you made me bad!”

anyway god that is. so much to read and isnt super organized. tl;dr benrey may be mean and obnoxious and outright malicious at times, but not b/c he hates gordon or actively wanted to severely hurt him/kill him. hes just kind of a fucking creep with an alien sense of morality and a poor grasp on how humans work

thanks 4 reading,

[laufire]

Supernatural s5

I finished it a little while ago, but I haven’t had the time to make an involved post about it -or watch that much of s6 yet; I’m trying to be Resposible and the time I have has been spent in advancing fics a little bit or answering short asks lol.

-I have really enjoyed this season for the most part, but there’s something I need to get of my chest LOL: all through it, the song “Too Many Dicks (On The Dance Floor)” played in my head xDD. Like, listen, I knew what I was signing up for with this show!! I didn’t expect NOT to find it offensive or regressive on multiple occasions!! But I guess s3-4 must have spoiled me lmao. I’m not saying those seasons are the height of feminism, but if you removed its most important female characters, ESPECIALLY Ruby, the plot of the season would fall apart. That’s not something you can say for s5 and preventing the Apocalypse, just sayin’.

It wouldn’t’ve been that hard to expand Meg’s, Anna’s or the Harvelle’s part (they had good material to go there -Meg as the faithful possibly opening her eyes, Anna as the betrayed and the juror jury and executioner, the Harvelles as normal hunters fighting something way too big for them-, but barely any time and like I said, no incidence in the actual plot of the season). Hell, I’m biased but bringing back Ruby would’ve at least taken care of the problem lol. Or if the show had indulged me and kept Bellamy Young as Lucifer, at least. But everyone with a real say in the plot is a dude, or at least wearing one as a vessel (angel’s conception of gender is clearly different from humans, but in terms of ~~representation the results are the same lbr).

-My constant frustrations with Supernatural’s bigotry-related stuff lol, like I said, I really enjoyed the season (that combination is one of the most frustrating things about the show lmao). Especially Castiel’s plot. The guy has reached Potential Hall of Faves status and that’s hum. A Problem xD

But seriously, he was breaking my heart in all the best ways. His search for God (the Absent Father that the show specifically compared to John añsldkfjasf. This show ISTG!!), his disappointment and sense of betrayal at being let down (he called God Himself “son of a bitch”!!!). I was especially fascinated by his Endverse version -that AU will have its own section lol-, although it resulted in making me reaaaally nervous whenever he was close to an addictive substance :). Like yes, those scenes were lowkey humourous and adorable (like when he drinks shots with the Harvelles and Ellen is fascinated and Jo delighted -... lowkey shipping this too btw. Lowkey shipping Castiel with lots of people-, or his combo with Sam when he got drunk), but also, you know, WORRYING xD

Some of my favourite scenes of his were, predictably, his interactions with Meg or Lucifer in 5x10. The Megstiel scene was SUPER HOT (both their voices are very unf-y lol), I can’t wait to edit it. And having Lucifer call Castiel “a peculiar thing” sure was something xD (although lbr, this Lucifer isn’t keeping with his rebel angel reputation, Castiel is carrying that all by himself smh).

Another scene I couldn’t get out of my head if I wanted to is when he uhhhh... completely LOSES IT and starts beating the crap out of Dean when he was ready to give it up to Michael. “I gave everything for you, and this is what you give me?!?” ooooooof. It was hard to watch, and fascinating and intense. I shamelessly loved it lmfao.

Though my favourite moment of his is one that can only be appreciated when you know certain things about s6. It’s the scene where, unlike everyone else, he shows appreciation for Sam’s plan of sacrificing himself to get rid of Lucifer. Because yes, at this point it’s the only thing that can save the world. But Castiel isn’t saying, “Sam’s life is a small price to pay in comparison”, because he will go into s6 and snatch Sam out of the cage immediately. s5 established Sam got out, so with that in mind, he didn’t bring it up because he didn’t want to create false hope in case he failed, but he backed the plan with the intention of saving Sam anyway. I love that. I love him.

-The entire season was Missing Ruby Hours for me lmfao. Like I said, some of the problems in the season wrt female characters would’ve been at the very least lessened if she’d gotten to be here wrecking havoc. But generally I just miss her and What Could Have Been with her here. I enjoyed some of the crumbs (Sam using the witchcraft skillz he learned from her! Sam immediately knowing Meg isn’t Ruby, unlike Dean! Her knife! The ARCHANGEL GABRIEL referencing her as “the demon Sam chose over his brother”!! The callbacks with Crowley or Brady!!), but I would’ve wanted her here, dammit xD.

-Aaaaand we’re finally getting to Sam, who is without a doubt the star of the season, if you ask me. His plan at the end, to let Lucifer possess him in the hopes he can fight back for just long enough to overpower him and throw them both into the cage, with no hopes for himself? This is the kind of Big Damn Hero stunt I’m a sucker for, I won’t lie. And I love that the show felt the need to confirm he was still alive at the end of the season hehe.

He really Went Through It this season and he held on lmfao. On top of everything (the apocalypse, the guilt of being its final trigger, the addiction recovery, etc.), he also had to deal with Dean’s usual bullshit, which is no small feat xDD. Like, sure, from an audience stand-point all those things are interesting (some fave/the fuck moments are when Dean is obviously peeved that Bobby still supports Sam because he wanted Bobby in HIS corner, or when he has the nerve to say he wants to say yes to Michael because he doesn’t trust SAM not to say yes to Lucifer lmfaoooo), BUT IT’S STILL A FEAT XD

One note: for all the talk about bi!Dean, bi!Sam is so SEEN this season xDD. AFAIC he totally hooked up with that bartender Paul (RIP Paul. At least in your last moments you enjoyed Sam, who’s clearly an energetic, attentive lover 😔). And Crowley refers to Brady as Sam’s demon ex-boyfriend and nobody bats and eye lmfao (that story is so angsty... the parallels to Ruby, how he ingratiated himself with Sam by pretending to have fallen off the wagon... ouch).

-I have mixed feelings on Crowley. On his own, I fell absolutely in love with the guy on his first appearance. A demon that DOUBTS Lucifer and doesn’t kiss his ass?? That wants to get rid of him and do his own thing?? And clearly enjoys ~earthly pleasures to the fullest (his complains about how the other demons ate his tailor had me rolling laksjdfa)? The way he turned the tables on Brady? OFC I love him. OTOH boy, does it annoy me knowing that fandom GLADLY embraced him when they condemned characters like Bela or Ruby for similar things. It’s not his fault so I still like him (he’s like Gabriel in that sense), but it’s annoying!

It also annoys me how Dean Must Be Right All The Time syndrome interacts with him lol. This season Dean decides they can trust Crowley (despite Crowley killing two humans in front of him and getting him beat up by Brady lol), so they can. Next season he decides they can’t, so Castiel will be WrongTM because Dean Says So. Ugggggh xD

-To be fair, however, this season has my fave Dean so far LOL. In the love/hate scale, this one has been almost solely in camp love, barring some of those moments of irksome hypocrisy that he’s so prone to xD.

But there was something about how this season’s plot chipped away at him, you know? For all the traits he has that drive me up the wall or unsettle me, I appreciate a lot of his personality because it makes him a unique and interesting character driving the narrative -his irreverence, his ability to think on the fly and get out of shitty situations, his disbelief. Seeing all of those things under siege this season made me hurt for him in a way I hadn’t anticipated LOL. By the time he was ready to give in to Michael (and I love that what made him step away from that choice was Sam showing a trust in him he patently didn’t deserve lbr), sometimes I felt terribly for the guy.

I also wonder if this season kind of marked like... the beginning of the end for him, narrative-wise? Making him Michael’s vessel (his angel condom) is the kind of thing that turns him from subject into object, and that can doom characters ime. The fact that he ~resigns himself to Sam’s death when his identity as a character came with being His Brother’s Keeper is another slight.

-I continue having mixed feelings about Destiel too LMAO. I’ve decided I’m just going to try to enjoy the good and interesting parts while I can, while trying not to think of future developments that’ll likely sour the ship for me lol.

Because in truth, yeah, I enjoy their interactions a lot here! The Endverse was particularly enjoyable for me (back to that in a moment), but the entire season had a lot of gems. That moment in the finale, when Dean is wounded on his knees after Sam sacrifices himself, and Castiel resurrects and heals him with a touch? And Dean is staring in awe and asks him if he’s become God?? Like wtf am I supposed to do with that. WHO SAYS THAT. XDD

-The Endverse. Omgggggggg. The Endverse. I doubt I can say anything about it that hasn’t been said a thousand times, but seriously. I loooove it, all of it. My favourite was endverse!Castiel, ofc. The way he was in No Man’s Land, not an angel and not quite a human, his ways of trying to cope with that, how burned he was... I uncomfortably related to some of it too lmfao, but let’s not get into that xD.

Seeing both Deans interact was gr10 too. They really couldn’t stand each other lmfao (do you understand me now Dean?? They actually reminded me of two OCs in an original WIP of mine that are in a similar situation -in this case it’s the future version purposefully traveling to the past though-, which made me even fonder of the AU). And the Destiel? *chef’s kiss*. The bitterness, like when Castiel laughs when present!Dean berates endverse!Dean about the tortures and then purposefully says “I like past you” to hurt him asñldkfjasf. Or those looks when Dean returns to the past and tells Castiel to “never change” d��aw.

I loved Lucifer!Sam in this episode too (and personally, I think in the finale Lucifer -and Michael- should’ve changed his outfit too. Sam’s clothes just don’t get to The Devil’s levels, but that white suit was perfect). He was terrifying xD.

BTW: I’ve decided that, since we never see endverse!Castiel die, well. He didn’t xD. I could see Lucifer keeping him alive and captive out of a sense of nostalgia, as Castiel is the only other thing close to a fellow angel left. Might even decide to return his powers with time, or to ~entice him with such an offer lol. And ofc I headcanon Sam is still inside, occasionally trying to fight. Cue in all the Castiel/Lucifer and Castiel/Sam fic ideas too (I have waaaaay too many of those for this mini-verse. It’s very inspiring).

-I’m still on the fence at Lucifer’s motivations but I can’t question how the family issues fit so, so well into this ‘verse. “Family is hell” is the show’s thesis, after all xD. IMO the angels in general don’t feel like a family, they’re a military body/cult lol, but the Archangels are another matter. I guess is the whole “only four angels have seen God-slash-Dad” thing, the rest were... well, the help, apparently.

But Lucifer, Michael, and Gabriel do feel like brothers when they interact (I’m guessing here Gabriel is the Adam: discarded by the other two like nothing :)))). Raphael too, but since he doesn’t interact with them... does he get to later? Or is he the odd one out? Did the others avoid him because he kept quoting Nietzsche at dinner?? LOL.

-There are no words to explain how terribly I feel for Adam. JFC that poor KID. Who was kind and helpful and intuitive, and only wanted his mother back and to help stop the end of the world. And that Sam and Dean will leave rotting in Hell for a millennia :))). It’s kiiiiiiiiind of hard to do for your show’s “heroes” when they do shit like that lmfao. It’d be different if they never tried to make him feel he’s family, but Sam tried to convince him with the bs “because we’re blood” and they did a half-baked attempt at saving him from Zacharias, and then... yeah. At least he had Michael in the cage, but still.

-I was already spoiled of this, but the reveal that cupids made John and Mary fall in love is so chilling (good on Dean for punching that cupid asshole, btw). It puts what Mary says about John in flashbacks, about how much she loves him and how perfect he is, in such a terrifying light. And I’m under the impression that the show didn’t bother to deal with this properly when they resurrected Mary and just... I hate that tbh. It’s a narrative choice that should have a huuuge impact, dammit.

-I kind of loved how bitter and angry Bobby was about (temporarily, thanks to Crowley, his new demon bf -watch out Rufus) ending up in a wheelchair. That there were no platitudes or false sentimentality and it just... was.

-The Harvelles’ had a good send off. I can respect Kripke for wanting his faves to go on his terms lol. Having Jo refuse Dean’s offer of a fuck on their possible last night on Earth with “I rather spent it with a little thing I have self-respect”? Not because she doesn’t have feelings for him, but because she thinks she deserves better from him? I love it. This guy knows his pettiness xD

-The fact that this fandom seems to have ignored Gabriel x Kali is one of the reasons I’m never going to vibe with it, sns. Immortal exes? Check. She tricked him and killed him... but then it turns out HE tricked and he’s alive? Check. BUT THEN HE STILL GOES BACK AND SAVES HER, DYING BY HIS BROTHER’S HAND?? CHECK CHECK CHECK. Ugh, why can’t they come back to me. I know, I know, Kali is a WoC and those are only allowed one (1) appearance before they’re killed off, apparently. So it might be a good thing that she doesn’t return xD. But gosh, they were gr10.

-Death the Horseman’s intro cleared my skin. I love him. I love how utterly terrifying he is and how chilling his and Dean’s scene was. And I yearn to find a picture of the guy a little younger and with a goatee, because he’s the most perfect Discworld’s Vetinari fancast I’ve ever found xDD

-I’ve seen tons of commentary over the years, and especially lately for obvious reasons, about how this season finale would’ve been a much better ending for the show. I’m not there yet, and it does sound like the finale was a mess and this one’s was a very well constructed episode (and, ofc, the Final Love Interest was NOT blurry!!). But even if by the end I come to loathe the finale, there’s one reason I already know won’t let me agree on the s5 ending being perfect: God xDD

The episode makes Chuck come across as a ~benevolent figure and no, fuck that, do NOT want, take it away from me!! Give me God as the Big Bad Wolf, the last evil to conquer any day. It’s like Dumbledore all over again: I enjoy the character a lot more if I feel canon and I are on the same page wrt his shadiness xDD

[teetlesandnimjas]

Actually FUCK IT IM GOING ON THIS RANT NOW. YOUVE ALL HEARD IT BEFORE BUT I DONT CARE IM MAD

SO 2012 Mikey is an ADHD-coded character. I don’t know if this was on purpose or not, either way it’s extremely obvious in his actions and speech. Quick note, I am also ADHD, so this rant will be a little bias, sorry. I have seen 3 seasons of this show, so I’m not uninformed. I had to stop watching MAINLY BECAUSE OF THIS:

IN THE SERIES NOT ONCE IS IT ADRESSED THAT MIKEY HAS A GENUINELY DIFFICULT TIME CONTROLLING HIMSELF AND HIS BRAIN, AND HES NEVER BEEN HELPED ONCE! HE’S ABUSED AND TREATED LIKE A BURDEN! And I didn’t want to get “mad” or “uncivilized” but you have to admit that MIKEY GETS BEAT UP AND MADE FUN OF JUST FOR WHO HE IS. He doesn’t have a filter, that’s obvious. Yeah, he can be a little brat, but it’s not his fault. You think he wants to be HIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN? He makes a mistake? Smack! He starts talking a lot? Smack! His attention seeking behaviors- more on that later- start to kick in? SMACK! He JUST FUCKING EXISTS AS HIMSELF? SMACK! And the worst part is ITS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY? THIS IS A JOKE? No this is horrible! It’s- dare I say it- ABUSE! I know siblings roughhouse and playfully banter, but this isnt roughhousing, this is one sided and cruel. Mikey, who can’t control himself and his energy no matter how hard he tries, constantly RUNS AWAY from Raph, Leo, AND MAYBE EVEN DONNIE AT ONE POINT. The worst of it is Raph, yeah, OBVIOSULY. You put an “annoying” filterless teen in a room with a hotheaded asshole, not too good. But that’s still his brother. Raph also isn’t completely evil and horrible, he has genuine anger issues that could be solved with some quick education and a better outlet. BUT YOU’D THINK HE WOULD SPARE SOME KINDNESS FOR HIS F A M I L Y. It gets ridiculous! His solution for everything is HIT MIKEY. Now I don’t want to make assumptions, but one of my issues with my dumb dumb electric meat blob is the self-worth issues. I feel bad for what I say and do, because I can’t help it. Thankfully I have coping mechanisms and my ways of helping myself so I can work on staying quiet when I need to, and not feeling such loathing when I don’t. Yknow who DOESNT know what to do, and isn’t even sure why he’s like this and probably thinks he’s A SCREW UP BECAUSE THERES LITERALLY A WHOLE EPISODE ABOUT THAT? Mikey. AND YKNOW WHO DOESNT HELP? HIS FAMILY. YEAH THEY GREW UP IN THE SEWERS BUT YOUD THINK THE S C I E N T I S T WOULDVE NOTICED. But, no, Donnie verbally berates and belittles him. Leo’s okay, he does chase him around at only one point I can think of, and (albeit a headcanon that Leo’s autistic) he felt that Mikey disrespected something important to him, and yknow what fine as long as you apologize and don’t do it again, yeah whatever. It’s just ONCE. Raph hits Mikey EVERY EPISODE. AND ITS A J O K E??? N O. This genuinely influences young kids, especially young boys who were the target audience of the show, and this can HURT SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS. This normalizes the hitting and the yelling and the abuse. I don’t think siblings should roughhouse at all, and when they do it should be taken seriously and be treated as if two unrealated kids fought. A little fighting is natural, but THE LEVELS THE SHOW GOES TO HURTS. IT HURTS ME. I didn’t grow up with 2012, my parents wanted me to be all girly, but I watched 3 seasons about a year ago. And I hated the treatment of what I saw as a relatable character. Anyways stan Mikey, kill Raph, agree to disagree.

Oh and now because MIKEY ALSO HAS MASSIVE ATTENTION SEEKING BEHAVIORS here’s a mini segmant. I believe he is like this because of things like he wants constant attention and focus on him. He has a generally loud presence and he doesn’t try and hide it. The reason he probably doesn’t mask is because 1. He really can’t, he’s too exhausted to try because at this point nothing helps, and 2. Because he wants attention. And sadly that means negative attention too. A mix of ADHD and constant dismissive and negative behavior to you makes for a FUN RIDE when people aren’t giving you attention. And that’s really unhealthy. This probably stems either from or into self-esteem and anxiety issues. And I don’t want to say it’s HIS FAMILY’S FAULT but he spent 15 (or 16?) in the sewers with ONLY HIS FAMILY. If he needs constant attention and reassurance (and is infantalized which I ALSO HATE) then it’s probably because he didn’t receive enough positive attention when he was younger. In fact people even phrase things like “Attention-Seeking Behavior as a Symptom of Psychological Distress” which considering the show was “angsty” or “dark” I’m surprised they didn’t look into. If the show really wanted to be interesting I think they should’ve kept Mikey as an important character and not just comedic relief.

[penzyroamin]

babe PLEASE give me some insight on tied together i rlly can't get it off my mind... gimme some davey hcs.... some couple hcs...... some spoilers.... Anything....

anything for u my dear. im gonna give u a mix of the sort. a combo package if you will. it’s under the cut because it’s long whoops

some davey thoughts:

- he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life until around senior year of high school. he was interested in pretty much everything he did and had a moment where he seriously considered either going to culinary school or going directly into a nonprofit

- he and sarah had a joint b’nai mitzvah, and fought over the theme so hard that esther had to carefully coerce them into both liking something. it ended up being vaguely d.c.-themed, because davey liked politics and sarah liked the library of congress

- mayer tried to get him into baseball when he was a kid, and he played it until everything kind of went to shit. at that point, he picked up lacrosse as more of an act of rebellion than anything else, and he ended up liking it and stuck with it. it’s a good way for him to release anger

- talks over the tv. it INFURIATES jack to no end because it does not matter how important the dialogue is, davey WILL be responding to everything the characters say. he’s especially noisy during the news and debates

- aquarius king <3

- his family doesn’t do halloween but they hand out candy and davey makes costume bingo sheets. sarah reigns supreme for YEARS until jack shows up and literally wins every single year until davey finds out that jack literally camps out in costume stores gathering data and ends the tradition out of pure spite

- jack gives him a blender for their fifth anniversary and it’s the best and worst gift davey ever gets. he becomes a smoothie KING. you can give him any produce and some ice cubes and he will blend that shit up and drink it for breakfast. it’s noisy as fuck and wakes jack up in the morning but then davey makes jack smoothies so it’s sweet enough that he doesn’t say anything

- his favorite color is green!!

- in junior year he decided he was going to try and seem straight, so he asked a girl to junior prom. it went roughly like this: “i was wondering if you’d wanna go with me?” “yeah... no thanks.”

javid thoughts:

- davey is in such a constant state of busy-ness all the time and jack has that sweet sweet undiagnosed adhd so basically their calendar is Hell. there are sticky notes all over their home. davey has three separate day planners. jack literally has alarms set for every hour that passes just to remind himself to not do one thing for seventeen hours straight

- they have invented a holiday. it’s called palentine’s day. it’s like galentines day except it’s on the fifteenth and it’s about hanging out with your friends and giving them stupid gifts and eating pink frosting. they didn’t invent this holiday. they stole it from someone on the internet but will never tell. katherine hosts every other holiday and they needed a win

- whenever they’re not able to talk for a while they each keep these rambling running lists of things they think of and want to tell the other about, so the next time they see each other, they have these conversations that are essentially just charting every odd thought they’ve wanted to vocalize and everything that made them think of the other person

- when they reach a point of very clear comfort with each other and davey fully trusts jack again, jack essentially starts using the string like how cats walk on your keyboard for attention. davey, in turn, is really tactile, and jack teaches himself how to be more open to that since he knows it bugs davey that there’s a whole other form of contact jack has that he doesn’t have access to

little spoiler:

the culmination of some symbolism ive been building up over all these chapters comes to a peak in the epilogue and jesus christ if people dont notice it i WILL cry

[long-bodyswap]

Yotta Life

(Im sorry I don’t have the credits, but if you know the author you can @)

It’s been an adjustment lately getting used to all this fame and attention since Adele’s new album came out.  The whole world knew it would be huge, but even the most optimistic among us couldn’t have imagined that it would have the best selling first week sales of any album in history!  With massive, iconic numbers like that, it was only natural that she would need more security while she goes on her whirlwind press promo, and I’m the best in the business- ermmm- I mean technically my host, Peter Van der Veen is the best in the business, but it’s not like anyone could tell the difference since the spell I used gave me access to all of his memories, training, and personality traits.  No one has suspected a thing, and I’ve been inside Peter since he was Lady Gaga’s bodyguard!Possessing the top bodyguard for the stars has been a dream come true because I’ve met and spent time with almost all of my idols.  Gaga is much more normal in private than people give her credit for, but my favorite client so far has been Adele, BY FAR.  Never have I ever met such a witty, sweet, funny as shit, monumentally talented, and down to earth person.  Rumor has it she used to be quite the drinker before she had her baby, but every now and then she’s whipped out a little reward for the road with her team, meaning I was naturally drawn into the fun.  IIt’s been simply remarkable getting to know Adele and honestly consider her a friend.  She’s so honest and personable that I catch myself shifting out of Peter’s stern persona, dropping sass and giggling to her jokes.  I remind myself often that it’s only acceptable around Adele, but anyone who had previously known Peter would be immensely suspicious.  Still, it’s been the single most meaningful (and lucrative) gig I’ve ever done. You can see that I try my hardest to remain stern and serious.  It’s so hard because even her commentary during casual conversation is adorable and hilarious enough to make a stone gargoyle let out a good chuckle.  Sometimes it honestly is too much and I can’t help but smile and join in the silliness.  It’s comforting at least to know that Peter’s smile looks so fucking sexy- almost as sexy as his stern smolder.  

The bulk of the promo circuit ended in December so now that it’s January 2016, I finally have some time to myself.  Adele thanked me profusely for my service and friendship and begged me to free up my schedule so I could join her when her tour starts in April.  I promised her I’d lock in the dates, but it’s going to be nice to have some time to have fun behind closed doors…At the very least it’ll be nice to show off this body.Fuck, what a great day.  I’m rocking this perfect bronze and I can finally show off this sculpted body.  I work ridiculously hard to keep it up to Peter’s standards, but it’s so worth it.  Peter’s body looks sexy as hell in a suit, but it was meant to be seen and envied by others.  And the Adele gig was so lucrative that I’m set to be enjoying the next four months shirtless and glistening at this Mexican resort.  I used this morning to do a power workout of sprints and chest interval training in a nearby canyon, and then I rewarded myself with a nice afternoon spent relaxing at the beach.Peter’s sore muscles always made me horny for some reason, which meant that I was on edge almost all day every day…I didn’t mind though.  It reminded me of how powerful and full of my vitality my host was.  What I did mind though was burning in this hot sun.   Noticing a cute boy eyeing me, I saw an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.  The adorable fucker looked about my real age, but way better looking, not that that mattered since I was inhabiting Mr. Europe 2005.  Being bisexual, I’ve been able to use Peter’s body to anonymously fuck around with hotties from all over the world, but I’ve gotta say I’ve developed a strong preference for boys, so let’s test the waters and see if this kid wants a taste of the premier bodyguard to the stars.“Hey, kid.” I said in a deep, yet friendly tone.  “You got a sec to help me out with something?”  I made sure to flash him a subtle smile, also pulling my shades down so he could see the twinkle in my beautiful eyes.   It only took me a second to realize I had him hook, line, and sinker.That big smile was one thing, but I had also completely stopped him in his tracks.  He was walking back over to me without a single hesitation. “What can I do for you?” The chap asked with a friendly tone that was masking what I, after maaaanyy similar encounters, knew was lust.“You see, I’m going to start burning soon, so could you help me with a fresh layer of sunblock?”He kept his jaw from dropping, but I knew he was shocked and ecstatic.   “You mean, on your back?” He asked, treading cautiously.“Actually, I was hoping you could help me with the whole thing,” I said, pointing out my sculpted chest and abs before biting my lip in a fake show of nervous anticipation.  

The boy paused to think for a second before smiling again and walking over.  “Sure, I’d love to help out,” he said in a  way that tried to make it sound like he was just doing a normal favor for a stranger.  

I grinned in relief before putting my shades back on and getting out my tube of sunblock.  I laid down, making sure to get comfortable before I took a second to adjust my junk since I was about a quarter hard from the sheer testosterone pumping through my veins.  

“Sorry about that,” I said before getting relaxed again.  “Had a brutal workout this morning.  Always gets the testosterone flowing, if you know what I mean.”“I could tell you had a good workout this morning.  You’ve got the pumped look.  Maybe you can share some workout tips- I’m trying to bulk up, but it’s been kinda hard.”“Son, you don’t need to add a single pound of mass.  The lean look is really sexy on you.”  I said that right as he popped the cap open, making him blush before he squeezed a healthy helping of that cream into his hands.  

“That’s easy for you to say,” he said before slathering that cream on my abs.  I shivered and gasped from the cold, tightening my core from the surprise, but he kept talking.  “Especially when you have a body like this.”As far as I could tell, he had no idea who I was, so it was safe to see if I could push his buttons a little.As he spread the cream over Peter’s ripped abs, I quietly moaned from the feeling of those smooth fingers rubbing that coconut scented goodness into my stolen skin.  The look on this boy’s face was one of inner conflict.  He didn’t know if he should go a little further, but he finally got my subtle hint and began rubbing me more purposefully until he was giving my abs a slow and deep massage.  

“You have…so much definition,” he marveled as he worked his strong fingers more and more expertly.   “mmmmmmm that feels so good, kid.  Guess you could tell that yesterday was ab day,”  By this point his constant touch had me more than half hard.  He definitely noticed my long and thick cock growing in my shorts, but he didn’t back away.  He started massaging me even more purposefully, sensually even.  Damn, this kid had some kink in him.  

“And I’d bet money you did a chest day today,” he said slowly and smoothly as he began working his magical hands up to my muscular slabs of pec perfection.  I moaned louder this time as he worked his hands up to my chest so he was grabbing a pec with each hand, squeezing firmly enough to loosen up those stiff muscles.  He squeezed harder, massaging my sore chest and making me groan in a mix of ecstasy and agony.  I was shocked though as he, without stopping his deep tissue chest massage, began to gently flick and rub my nipples with his thumbs.  I inhaled deeply, feeling my cock twitch and continue to engorge as this boy worked Peter’s incredibly sensitive nipples.  My breathing picked up, getting slightly faster before this kid made his big move.  I gasped loudly as he leaned down and began sucking on one of my nipples before reaching the other hand down to rub my cock through my shorts, making it pulsate and swell to full hardness.  

“Unnnngggg,” I groaned as I looked down at this cutie with thick, bushy eyebrows give in to his hunger for cock, specifically my cock.  I gasped again as he gripped my cock through the shorts, feeling the thickness of my girth and the obvious length before smiling, apparently satisfied with Peter’s thick 8.5 inches.   “If you wanted me, you should have just said so,” he whispered seductively into my ear.  

I knocked the big tube of sunscreen onto the sand before grabbing him and pulling him on top of my powerful chest, enjoying the weight of his body against my greased up chest.  I brought my mouth to his and he eagerly opened as I locked our lips and brought our tongues into a dance of lust.  Fuck, he tasted so minty.  My rock hard cock pulsated as I humped my crotch up against his, feeling his hard dick rub back against mine as I let us get lost in the lust.   FInally breaking the kiss, I told him, “I have a room,” barely having the breath to make the sentence.  He just smiled before we made a mad dash to pick up our shit and cover our raging hard ons as we ran back to the hotel.   I woke up the next morning alone int he bed except for a little note that had a phone number and the name Zac.  Man, last night was crazy.  I mean, I’ve done some kinky shit with Peter’s body, but I think I blew four of Peter’s loads into that boy last night.  Yeah, there was the load when I was fucking him doggy style.  Then another when I was fucking him missionary.  The third one was when he was riding me.  mmmmm, the last one was my favorite.  I pinned that kid against the wall with my strong arms and bounced him up and down off my powerful thrusts until I finally blew that last load so deep inside him.  On that one things got so intense.  Zac was hollering and almost hyperventilating my cock made him feel so good.  He didn’t even touch his dick that time since he was scratching at the wall the whole time, but his cock still blew a load all over the two of us.  That was about when I hit my limit.  I remember roaring so loud I thought the walls were vibrating before finally, dripping in sweat and muscles and veins bulging all over my body, I blew all of the remaining cum in Peter’s balls so deep into that boy.  When I calmed down, I carried the boy back to the bed and we both laid there making out and squirming from the afterglow of our orgasms before passing out from our multi-hour fuckfest.  

I smirked as I thought to myself how this would be my life for the next four months.  I got up and walked over to mirror, admiring my boxer-clad vessel, still just as high off of the beauty of this stolen body as I was two years ago when I first took Peter over.  

“You’re one sexy man,” I said to the reflection before winking.  God damn, seeing Peter’s body respond to my actions was still so satisfying.  I felt a fluttery sensation deep in my gut before blushing from the sight of the sexy body in front of me.  Mmmmmm yeah, Peter might be a strong and tough man, but I can always make him do whatever I want because he’s powerless with me inside.  

“Don’t ever forget that you’re too weak to resist me.  You couldn’t do a thing to stop my soul from slipping inside you and stealing you,” I taunted his reflection as I leaned his head down to his pit and huffed in his manly sweat and stench from yesterday’s workout and fuckfest.  

“You smell like a real man,” I said with appreciation before I stripped off the boxers and brought them up to my face which instantly scrunched up into one of ecstasy, huffing in the crotch area, almost coughing from the power of the manly muskiness.  It was so fucking masculine and sexy, and it always got me hard.“That turns you on doesn’t it, you kinky queer?” I asked his reflection before I brought my lips to the mirror and pretended to make out with Peter.  My heart sank though as the cold glass reminded me that I was on the other side.  Sure, I could take over some other stud for a night and use my powers to mind control Peter into having a wild night of passion, but it takes me a lot of time to build up the energy to switch, so I only like to switch sparingly.  I need at least three months to build up the necessary energy, so I don’t use the gift for casual flings.  No.  It’s a commitment, so the stolen life has to be perfect.  I stayed in Peter for the last two years because life has been so perfect, but it would be nice to finally feel and taste his body from the other side…Still, I’d need to find the perfect body and life in the next week or two in order to have enough time to get back inside Peter in time for Adele’s tour.  I guess I’ll just have to wait until after the tour…My frustration built, and I decided to take it out on Peter.  Even though I knew he was blacked out, I liked to pretend he was aware of everything when I got mad.  Grabbing his semi-hard cock, I pumped it until I got it back up to full hardness, watching myself make angry, yet sexy and turned on faces in the mirror as I pumped myself mercilessly.  

“Yeah!  You like that you queer slut?!  I’m gonna make you eat every drop of this cum!  unnnnngggggggg it’s gonna taste so fucking good, you fag!  Who’s the tough guy now, you freaky fag?  Can’t believe a tough guy like you is gonna eat your own load like some queer cum whore!”  God, this always made me feel so turned on and so much better.  I was getting close to orgasm when the phone rang.  I instantly clicked ignore, but it started ringing again.  I growled as I clicked ignore a second time, but the damn phone rang a third time.  Cursing, I let go of Peter’s cock and switched to his professional voice as I answered the phone.  

Even though I was initially annoyed, I was so glad I picked up the phone.  Smiling from ear to ear, I listened to a very special new client ask for my services over the next three and a half months.  Apparently he needed extra security for his wife, so tomorrow I would be on an early morning flight to Beverly Hills.  My vacation wasn’t over, it was just moving to another locale…and I’d finally have the chance to taste Peter’s lips and mouth from another perspective.Fuck, I was so excited I went back to pumping Peter’s cock.  I ate his load, this time to celebrate!  Now it’s time for me to get cleaned up, buy tickets, and pack!It was so lucky to get that call from Bastian Gillmeier, or Bastian Yotta as the media and instagram know him.   couldn’t help but enjoy one more early morning walk in Peter’s body, happily flaunting his muscles as I left shirtless and enjoyed the feeling of the breeze on his skin.  But then I checked his watched and realized how late I was.  

“Shit!  Better get back and shower.  Gotta get to the airport.  Damn, I won’t even have time to yank out one last load!”   I quickly cleaned up and called for a cab, and before I knew it I had checked in and boarded my plane en route to Beverly Hills.  Still, I was frustrated by this libido and the desire, no, the NEED to feel Peter’s cock be relieved one last time.  It was one of those rare flights where it was barely at half capacity, and somehow I was the only one in the first class section.  This airline was my favorite too because instead of thin curtains separating first class from economy, there were actual doors, affording me a much greater sense of privacy.  Still, I didn’t feel comfortable pumping a load out with that cute flight attendant around.  With me being the only client, he was checking on me practically every ten minutes, and I wanted to make this last.  I thought about going in the lavatory, but there was something so nasty and classless about that.  No.  I guess I’d need to test the sensibilities of this handsome flight attendant. Maybe he could even help me out.  

I looked behind me and predictably saw him waiting there with a puppy like grin, waiting to please me.   “Would you like another drink, sir?”I flashed him an enticing grin as I thought pensively.   “That does sound refreshing,” I remark as I subtly relax in my seat, getting more comfortable and spreading my legs just a little.   “Another barcardi and coke?”“I don’t know.  I’m craving something a little different.  I’m just so on edge.  I could really use something to help me unwind,” I say breathy as I rub my hands in between my thighs and groan lightly.   This boy gulps loudly, nervously adjusting his tie.  “W-w-well…We have mojitos.”“No…that’s not what I want…” I say with a husky tone as I look him directly in his eyes, licking my lips while I rub my host’s crotch, groaning slightly more loudly as I feel this meat starting to get hard and strain within the confines of its denim prison.  

“Sir!  This is inappropriate!  I’m going to need to ask you to-”“Shut up and touch it.  I know you want to.  Your cock can’t lie to me.   “SIR.  If you don’t stop I’m going to have to-HUH?!” he gasped as I grabbed a hold of his arm and yanked him close to me.He was speechless from the shock as I pulled him onto my lap, keeping him firmly locked in my grip thanks to Peter’s strong muscles as I went to work grinding my tented crotch against his backside and reaching my hand around to begin rubbing his engorging cock.   “MMMMmmmmmmpppphhhhhhhhhhmmmmmnnngggggggg” he groaned through Peter’s big hand that was muffling his shouts.  

He squealed as I grabbed a firm hold around his rod, stroking and pumping him through his soft uniform pants, breathing hot on his neck as I whispered into his ear.   “You’re getting so horny, boy.  I can feel you getting hard in my hand.  mmmmmm a tasty boy like you is just the refreshment I needed.”  I followed by licking up and down his neck, making him gasp as shivers coursed their way up and down his spine.   “You liked that didn’t you?” I asked with a chuckle before experimenting and easing up my grip on his mouth.  

He took several deep breaths before slowly turning his head to face me.  It could have gone either way at this point as I saw the panic and indecision in his eyes.  But then the look in his eyes focused in and I knew he has made his decision.  

He lunged as he joined his mouth with mine, moaning loudly into my mouth as he wrestled his tongue past my lips and hungrily tasted me.  I needed to remind him who the big man was in this steamy moment, so I forced Peter’s tongue into this boy’s mouth, reveling in the pleasurable moans echoing into my mouth as I ferociously tasted my mile high slut.   Pulling back, he now had a look of hunger in his eyes.  “I-I’ve never done this before at work…”“It’s just the two of us in here.  No need to worry about anything.”He looked into my eyes briefly before biting his lip nervously.“Can I…taste it?” He asked with such anticipation in his eyes.   I just smirked at him.  “You think I’d say no to a hot mouth like yours?  Get to work, boy.”I closed my eyes, smiling with satisfaction as this boy crawled down onto his knees, no longer able to suppress his desire as he unbuttoned my jeans and pulled down the zipper.  I lifted my butt up to help him as he pulled down my pants and drawers, letting this big fat cock spring out, slapping him lightly in the face as he gawked at my host’s unveiled meat.  

I shivered as he immediately went to work, grabbing me with one of his hands, pumping me softly as he wrapped his lips around the head, getting it nice and moist as he swirled his tongue around.  My fingers were trembling, and the sensation crashing through my cockhead, down to my groin and down my thighs was so powerful that I had to bite my lip and focus on gripping the armrests just to keep from shouting out.  This boy knew what he was doing, and he had just barely gotten started.  

I felt the veins on Peter’s muscles expand, letting an intense surge of blood-flow crash through every part of his body.  It was a euphoria like no other, and it only intensified as this mile high slut began bobbing his slick mouth up and down, up and down, picking up speed as he kept sucking that meat and swirling his tongue over all of Peter’s most sensitive spots.  I cringed and scrunched my face it felt so fucking good, but I didn’t want to make too much noise.  At this point though I think he was almost challenging me to give in and admit how good it felt.  He finally had his wish as he all of a sudden jolted his head down, swallowing every inch of my meat as he scooped both hands up my shirt and found my sensitive nipples.  

My eyes shot wide open as he began deepthroating me with ferocious speed, all while squeezing, twisting, and rubbing all over my massive pecs, and particularly, my tight and hard nipples.  My back arched violently as a loud groan finally escaped my lips.  I bit my lip though to shut myself up, scrunching my face up again and hyperventilating as this boy kept swallowing my entire length.  

I couldn’t have hoped for a better last orgasm in Peter’s body, but I still wanted it to be at least partially on my own terms.  Growling as I felt the testosterone levels in Peter’s body rising, I grabbed the boy’s head with both of my hand’s, getting no resistance from him as I began to pull him down onto my cock, harder and even faster than he was already going.  Mmmmmmm it felt so satisfying as I used Peter’s strong arms to pull that mouth and tight throat down onto his juicy meat.  Such a good throat fuck, but I couldn’t hold my hips back anymore, so it got even more intense.  I know I might have been going rough on the boy, but he wasn’t complaining as I started bucking my hips up, thrusting into his mouth and thrusting powerfully down his throat.  The boy kept squeezing my pecs and nipples, getting more intense as I added more and more power to my throat fuck.  My toes were curling in my shoes as I looked down at this hungry mile high slut, and seeing the desperation in his eyes finally sent me over the edge.  Groaning loudly, I slammed his mouth down onto one last powerful cock thrust after what had seemed like an eternity of building pressure in Peter’s massive balls.  With that thrust, my pent up load was finally free, releasing stream after stream directly down the hungry throat that was so expertly milking my cock.  I shivered as kept yanking his throat down onto each new ribbon of cum, milking out over a dozen shots before the stream finally slowed to mere droplets which we sucked straight out of me with that skilled mouth.  

Attention Passengers,  Please prepare for landing.  We will be arriving in approximately five minutes.  

“Damn, sorry boy.  I guess I don’t have time to return the favor.”He just smiled adoringly at me though.  “No, don’t be sorry.  That was-That was amazing!  I’ll be thinking about you and this later tonight.  This will be on my mind for the next month at the very least!”He gave me one more passionate kiss before he straightened his tie and uniform, giving me a sexy wink as he made the landing preparations, leaving me in my golden orgasmic bliss.  He was kind enough to point to my ankles though, reminding me my pants and boxers were still down, leaving my softening meat out for the world to see.  I quickly pulled my pants back up as we began the descent.  

I hopped in the cab at the airport, unable to contain my grin as I gave the driver the address of Bastian’s Beverly Hills mansion.  The cab driver wasn’t particularly talkative, so I sat in eager silence as I mentally prepared for my transfer and mini vacation from Peter’s body.  

The passing vistas and palm trees zoom by as I absentmindedly reach my hands underneath my shirt and begin rubbing and feeling Peter’s body.  I know I’ll be feeling this body from the other side, but I’ll miss the feeling of ownership and possession.  Something about feeling Peter Van der Veen’s abs and squeezing those massive pecs with his own strong hands was immensely satisfying.  Taking over strong men and making them my hosts…my vessels…will always be my drug of choice.  

“We’re here, Mister,” the taxi driver says, looking at me with an odd expression as I realize I’m still circling Peter’s hard nipples.  I swoop my hands out from under Peter’s shirt, unable to help but go a little red in the face as I awkwardly thank and pay the guy.  I pull out Peter’s wallet, so comfortable now seeing his ID and associating that image and identity as my own.  That’s when you know you’ve found a keeper, when you look at your host’s ID and instinctively think, “Damn, I look hella fine.” 

I tipped the guy well to mask the awkwardness and walked over to the front door, suitcases in tow.  There was a note on the front door telling me to come on in and meet my new employers in the back.  The note said to just keep on following the central corridor until I reached them.   Opening the door, I was blown away by the extravagance of this massive and modern mansion.  

“What a great place to vacation,” I said aloud to myself in shock as I plopped my bags on the marble floor, closed the door, and began the long walk down the central hallway.  I passed by massive living and entertaining rooms, all decked out with expensive art, impeccable decoration, and state of the art technology.  The kitchen and dining room was as large as most people’s whole apartments, and I think I walked passed a whole new set of entertainment and party/recreational rooms.  It was simply unbelievable, but I got pulled back to reality as I heard light moaning emanating from the last room at the end of the hall.  

The moaning was definitely deep, low, and masculine.  Judging by the videos I had watched during my research, I knew it was Bastian who was cooing and making those sweet sounds of pleasure.  I could hear him faintly egging on what I can only assume was his wife, Maria.  That accent was still distinctly German, and thought some people thought it was a little harsh, I shivered from its foreign and exotic appeal.  I had never taken over a foreigner before, so I wondered if I would have the joy of speaking with such a German flare.   I kept walking cautiously towards the moans, concerned that I was going to interrupt a particularly private and intimate moment.  Still, I advanced.  That’s one of the great things about Peter’s body.  I’m this massive tank of toned muscle, but he is so light on his feet.  I barely make a sound as I walk right up to the cracked door and slowly push it open as I walk inside.  

“Huh?” I asked aloud as I creaked the door open and saw Bastian, shirtless and laying down on a medical table as his wife performed a spa facial.  She was dressed and made up to the nth degree with her pink mini dress, pumps, and full make up while she massaged her husband’s face, working the active ingredients deep into his skin that would help maintain his youth.  He clearly found the experience very pleasurable as the sounds coming out of his mouth were almost orgasmic.  

“That must be you, Peter,” he said in his sweet German accent and without even opening his eyes.  

“We’re just finishing the last step,” Maria said with a smile as she spread the remaining moisture serum down his neck before clicking a button that brought the reclined medical table back up to a chair-like angle.  

Bastian finally opened his eyes as he smiled at me, happy to see that he had been able to afford my services.  My host was, after all, the most sought out bodyguard in Hollywood.  

“Maria, can you give us some time?  I need to show him the house and talk about the next three months.  Here’s some cash–go buy something pretty,” he said as he casually handed her a thick strap of hundred dollar bills.  She was almost giddy with joy as she collected the multi-thousand dollar wad of cash and left to go shop to her heart’s content at her favorite designer stores.   “Now, that frees up some time for just us guys,” he said with a cheeky grin as he got up off the table and put his shirt back on.  

This was going too perfectly.  I tried to suppress my own giddy grin as he began to show me around the house, when like he said, it was just us guys.