#im so upset bc it's so nice
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i have't been able to breathe since my headphones broke and all i wanna do is cry.
#ofelia.txt#i made some amvs but i did that mostly but having it outloud#i can't go outside#im so upset bc it's so nice#but the meltdown#the meltdown!!!!!!
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Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!
I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.
#fe three houses#ferdinand von aegir#discord emotes#i thought long and hard about this bc idk the actual want for emotes i made ages ago but#i still love my son and its his bday ad so i should be nice and share#since i no longer have nitro and can no longer use them myself#the fact i can technically post 30 at once was tempting but#some of them arent living up to my standards and also just might not be easy to use in most contexts#so those im gonna skip on lol#whoever wants 21 aegirglyphics tho have at em#i think i might have posted some before? but only 10 and i dont recall which ones#if you want a secret the last three and the middle on the second row are my favorites to use#i used concernednand (the upper one) so much#the internet concerns me guys it was a valid use every time#debated sharing heartnand but honestly the world could benefit from it imo because gotta spread that love#fun lil trivia i love making emotes and so when i was in a server and people knew me as the ferdinand fan and artist#someone was like why hasnt salmon made a ferdinand emote yet#and im like bc i dont run the server and i cant just demand they add my art#and then a mod was like i didnt wanna put pressure on salmon but i thought about it so i was like bet#and then drew a server exclusive happy ferdinand emote#and that was the start of me somehow being able to have like.... ten emotes in that server#some of them were just me joking and then mods encouraging me#cause i used to use felix for every single art prompt theyd give and one week someone said the prompt was pog#and i just was so upset because dude why would i wanna draw felix for that hes not pog#so a mod was like hey if you make a pog felix emote we ill add it to the emotes here#so i once again was like bet and then posted it and then they really added it lmao#anyway sorry for so many rambles please feel free to use them on discord in whatever server#i cant really expect everyone to credit me but also im not really concerned since i fear people know my nands a mile away
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act i scene i: older, childless, bachelor Barbarian!Bakugo finds you six months pregnant hiding in an empty stable during one of his clan raids--and instead of slaughtering you as a much younger him might've done...he throws you onto his cart of treasures and decides to take you home so he can start the family he never had with you and your child as his bride and baby.
#bakugo#i actually wrote a bunch out for this but i dont like it and it's too long so here you go#if i work on it some more tonight ill reblob this with it#but for now heres the premise (it's dark srry):#sh*t gets weird ofc#im imagining you got preggo at the last raid you went through but managed to survive#so it's not like you want the child anyway#and when he raids your village like lowk you dont care bc it isnt your home . plus youre not even expecting to survive#since you have no husband and are incapacitated with baby#so youre just waiting to die essentially but then this sexy barbarian saves you thinking hes being ... nice#bakugo is like. well now is a good time as any since idf like anyone in my village#and youre just like dam this sucks#anyway LMFAOOOOOO then youre in his house having this baby and the whole town is invested in this tea#and not only does bakugo have to win you over ... he has to convince u life is worth living#and that he's really gonna be the dad to your baby#you try running away after giving birth and ofc u cant do it and he has to rescue you#and youre so upset#but he washes you up and scolds you in his tongue for being stupid#and hes not gonna keep u forever if its not what u want but#he really does want the baby and you if youll have him#and everyone is rooting for him and likes u so much#even tho ur like a feral mama cat#jfalsdjkfladksjf#gen#shii posts#pregnancy tw
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jokes @ night r not funny in the morning,,,
originally the blue was green but then i decided 2 b pan
#dont even ask me what i was trying 2 accomplish#CAUSE IDKKK#sighs @ least they look cute igg#bart is still hard 4 ne 2 draw idk sobbs#also i seem 2 draw him in a lot of tanktops while i draw kon in a lot of crop tops#i just ?????????#anyways i literally have no idea wtf this means#it was supposed 2 b silly & funny but if ur evil u could make it angsty#not me thoo…..i would neever#cause what kind of sick freak does that#((its me im the sick freak))#no but this is supposed 2 b silly ITS JUST RLLY NOT FUNNY IDK#konbart#kart#still 2 scared 2 but it in their main tags or whateverrrr#NO BC LIKE I DONT WANNA GET RIPPED APART#omggg the reason y it looks more angst is bc i put the ‘dw’ isnt itttt#ughhhhhhh#ok sure whatever GRRR AAAAAA#i have a better kart drawing idea but this 1 was easier 2 draw#brrrr#i feel like im just mostly going 2 b drawing kart 2day oh man#((i say this like i dont draw them everyday))#puppee art#holy u can rlly tell i h8 stabalizers batman#i say ‘line arts my fav part’ but i dont actually do nice line art idfkkk yyyy but mayb its bc u dont need clean lineart 2 render stuff???#@ least i dont#man i should render smth its been so long since ive like ‘completed’ a full drawingg#HELP IM STILL UPSET HOW I DREW BART I LIKE I JUST DONT WANT 2 DRAW HIM LOOKING LIKE A KID BUT LIKE OTS KINDA HARD WHEN HES NEXT 2 KON THIS I
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going insane over Dee, don't mind me:
my beloved. my Absolute beloved. the character of all time. she's basically perpetually six years old. she's technically in her fifties. she loves her brothers. she basically got raised by a man in his early twenties because universe went 'fuck you and your family in particular.' she got killed by a pink motherfucker. she fought back hard enough he had to go get help. she caused enough problems as a ghost that her murderer built a robot to contain her soul. she has (likely) killed before and probably won't hesitate to again if she has to. she and her older brother are such an iconic duo. she's a cat person. depending on how you look at it, her brother has feelings for one of the guys who murdered her. she even has a really cool fucking scarf.
Dee Kennedy my fucking BELOVED-
- dee-in-the-box
Top 10 girls of all fucking time FOR REAL.
#luly talks#asks#dee-in-the-box#also i have to say it here bc im so mad rn but i tried to answer a super old ask you send me about her death#which was amaizing that shit tore me to pieces and put me back together with glue but wrong you're a wicked individual/silly#BUT TUMBLR ATE IT. IT JUST FUCKING. POOF. GONE. AND IM SO UPSET#but on fucking GOD. Dee you'll always be famous.#love how nice she is too..... even in her pain and in her anger she still manages to be reasonable and kind#for crying outloud she forgives Dave in time record#also her brother. bc she loves him so much it's so Fucked up 💥💥💥#still willing to kill him at the drop of a hat but that's just how tje kennedys are WKFGKDBEHE 😭😭#girls of all time...#dsaf
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🕯magically becoming good at replying to people and actually being capable of maintaining connections🕯
#avpd#i hate my brain for this :((#sm nice and cool people trying to talk to me...#but im just incapable idk it makes me so sad no matter how hard i try i always fall off#i WANT to talk but i just cant?#it's very very very rare and has only happened twice#but it is different with a safe person (avpd thing)#but it is like having an fp - it is not a choice and there's nothing to influence it#im lucky that one of the only two safe persons i've had i still talk to :')) and im capable of replying to him everyday#but yes it just makes me so sad bc so many nice ppl have tried to talk to me#and even if i want to talk and reply... it is just so hard for me#and idk how to fix it or what to do abt it#the one time i tried to bring it up to a therapist she was like '😦 that's such unhealthy behavior'#like ummm we are loterally in therapy rn are u fr??? 😭#anyways yes im very upset about this :((
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good night. i hope the world ends so i don’t have to get up tomorrow
#first full day of work it’s crazy how if you get hired for a part time job at the end of the year they can make you work full time but not#have to give you any benefits bc you won’t hit the part time hours for the calendar year#anyway all i’ve done is cry today and i think im so dehydrated everybting is just so horrible in general in my life everywhere and i#genuinely think it’s over forever in every single way#and i can’t believe tomorrow i’m going to have to get up and be nice to my fuck ass republican father bc i’m not allowed to be upset full#stop without them getting mad at me#anyway
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vent in tags
#so i posted earlier saying i wish i could ask people what makes me so dislikable#and i was referring to a situation which happened to me in the past#and how i wish i could say to these people like what about me is so dislikable that you had to react the way you did#(i would like to clarify i was not in the wrong in this situation i have asked multiple people#and they agree i wasnt in the wrong so im not just saying it)#and an anon decides to send me an ask saying#ngl its the desperation for validation but i think youre cool#and it made me so upset because its such a fucking back handed compliment#because like i am aware of the fact im a people pleaser and i want to be liked by people#like i know its a huge flaw and i am trying to do better and not worry about what other people think about me#but its not something that is going to happen overnight#and so to point that out when im already aware of it and then follow it up with a backhanded compliment#is honestly really hurtful and just kinda really upset me#also saying that i'm desperate for validation like is just so#idk it just was so unnecessary for them to say that and phrase it that way#anyway im sure no one is gonna read this and if they do it probably makes no sense or it just sounds like#im being a whiny bitch and probably more anons are gonna come call me attention seeking or#say im looking for validation#but i just wanted to rant about it bc like there's ways to say things nicely to people and that was not one of them#esp when its a flaw im already aware of and would like to work on more#but again its not gonna disappear overnight!#butter’s thoughts
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Redraw of a panel from the teen titans to give Conner back some of his bisexual swagger
#going from his young justice design to his titans design. downgrade of the century#i jest. but really tho#the actual art of the comic books is great its just conner's design specifically that kind of bums me out#give him back his earring!!!#the leather jacket too#also the hair. i was really upset about the hair bc it was just SO GOOD in the early yj days#young justice#young justice 1998#teen titans#kon-el#conner kent#tim drake#dc comics#comic redraw#not really sold on the way i drew tim but im tired so it's good enough#trying to get quicker and looser w my style!! this pen i started using is really nice#art#my art#weaverofink
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reading about autistic meltdowns is crazy. in retrospect maybe that time i ended up sobbing self isolating and lashing out at people because I couldn't figure out how to set up my laptop the same way it had been before might've been because of The Autism
#i cannot deal with changes to things I deal with regularly#i need to have my phone and comp exactly the same lest I Suffer bc i use them every day#also perhaps i would get so upset over my mom cleaning my room (although being a nice gesture) is because she would move shit to places-#i didn't know and messed up the system i had#also fuckin. executive dysfunction. that's some shit isn't it#i had to move to a new desk early in my job to run a different room and the desk setup was different and I Was Struggling A Bit#also people trying to calm me down during meltdowns is significantly worse and i read a bit that was like.#'trying to interject into the meltdown may cause additional sensory overload. it's most safe to let the person self-regulate.' well shit#that's about right huh#autistic burnout also seemed very familiar and its a little disturbing just how close everything hits#anyways im probably autistic. good night#mossy's rambles#text post#luci's rambles#autism#neurodivergent#autistic things#autistic adult#autistic experiences#if anyone would like to add to the pile and tell me im autistic feel free ig. ive already been peer reviewed
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having my only spyro game as a kid be dawn of the dragon and then looking into the rest of the franchise is so disorienting. i thought it was serious and dark and dramatic with these cool designs meanwhile the original games are these 3 polygon guys with the actual most hauntingly goofy character designs ive ever seen
#bee babbles#spyro#im like dangling on hyperfixation but idk if itll happen#sorry but the character designs are like. so upsetting to me#i kind of prefer the original ones over the remastered ones bc theyre easier to look at as silly#i mean some of the reignited ones are very nice but others like hunter make me want to puke. i dont want to see all of his teeths#i got nostalgia blasted cuz i played some wii games before i moved back to school so i was the curious guy#the threat of hyperfix will probably pass tho but idk whats next on my list. unfortunately for all my isat followers that era is fizzlingout#idk watever Goodnight❤️
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I miss being younger and believing the queer community was actually a safe space
#turns out white queers hate poc just as much as literally every other white person ever 💔#big bummer for young me man I feel like the part of me that still believed in people being inherently good broke a little more that day#That sounds super dramatic but it's true in a way#hard to have faith in the inherent kindness of humanity when u grow up black in a predominantly white area 💀#this just reminded me but those positivity posts that r like 'people Are kind' and then like say smth oddly profound kind of make me hopeful#but then just kind of upset#they always feel like theyre comming from a place of privilege yknow#like bro i wish strangers were nice to me out of actual kindness#and not a weird need to prove to the world that theyre not racist without actually putting in any effort to be antiracist#'hey look at me treating this black like a human being! see? im an ally! i posted black sqaures in 2020 and have blm in my bio!'#this is bc my local juneteenth festival got canceled due to lack of funding bc. yknow its been 4yrs#everyones (white ppl) moved on#they dont care anymore and they dont need to bc they alr did the bare minimum to absolve themselves of guilt#rant#ig im lucky i live in a super queer town but its so overwhelmingly white it kind if cancels that out yknow#personal#okay to reblog#if u want to ig idk#moth.txt
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on that subject, obsessed with today when i was like "hey guys, can you two stop playing the jumping game for now because it's giving caden a headache" and my 6 yr old cousin is like "you mean 'me'. it's giving 'me' a headache, because your caden". it's like yeah man ur right. my bad . and then they stopped jumping. it was awesome
#the thing is like. the jumping hurt my headright away#but i let them do it for a while before they told them to stop. and then they did#and i think thats part of it too. for somw things you have to wait and let kids have whay they want for a while before swooping in and#asking for them to stop#so they dont feel super controlled#and like. as an autistic person I HAVE TO DO THAT ANYWAY USUALLY#there's so many adult people out there who i have to put up witj their noises because i KNOW if i ask for them to stop theyll get mad#or even on a lesser extent. like as an autistic person w my sorta issues. you have to a let a lot of things go that are genuenly painful#and stressful. bc if u ask people to do things too much they often get upset. even if theyre overall nice#same with kids#but with kids you get to ask them to stop way more and you get to ask earlier than you would with most adults#like. ill be trying to put up with somethinf and struggling and get to the ppont where im visibly shaking and stuttering and on the verge#of tears#and the mere request of 'could you turn the tv ofd#still gets whole ass adults telling me im entitled and bossy#meanwhile child will hear 'thats making me feel bad' and theyll hear that and theyll think about it#and often times theyll stop#and even when they dont they dont insult you!#and people still say little kids are annoying????#when i tell a little kid 'could you turn the sound off on the video game or take it to another room the sounds its making are upsetting me#they LISTEN.#adults have a strong tendency to#use the ironicallt imature logic of ' i like this thing. so it dosent matter if it is upsetting you. i like it so i want to have it. even#though we are in a shared space together. i wont change what im doing because i want to do the thing i like. and thats more important than#not upsetting you. because doing the thing i like makes ME feel good.'#like. litterallt this mindset is easily more promient in adults than small children 100% . on god#and its just about the most childish thing ever.#its understandable. but its immature#and with something this simple its silly people cant let that go. its not complex at all. its stop making noise it is hurting me. easy
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honestly its really nice and affirming seeing others who are into kinks im into/interested in toying with have similar preferences to me.
#idk it just helps me feel less alone#there was also a poll earlier that i saw that i didnt rb and it related to yucks abt sex#and i will not say mine outloud like this but knowing a chunk of the ppl who voted (who werent in the few majority answers) have a similar-#-squick to me also really helped me feel a lot better abt that cause its smthn ppl always assume EVERYONE likes and ppl get upset with-#me for it a Lot bc i can do it with some ppl and not everyone (like a lot of stuff tbh - not all the things i do are for everyone 🤷🏽)#& a lot of ppl also very casually make fun of ppl like me for this limit calling us childish and immature etc etc etc for having#limits/boundaries they dont understand#so like knowing tangibly theres ppl like me........ is nice#im glad theres others out there who have kinda fluid and strange and dynamic boundaries. im glad theres people out there who have boundaries#that dont always match up to Every Person they're with. im glad that people who have complex relationships to sex similarly to me exist
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ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.
the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,
but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.
It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.
#im kind of torn between 'no characters dont need to be 'punished' to be redeemed but also the characters just being so lenient with the#colonizers after we see far too many people being lenient if not supportive of the colonizers irl. well. it really blows afslkjfalkf and#yeah you can argue if they'd gone through with the garlemald expansion they would've had more time to go into this but the fact is that its#absent from what they did do and I especially think the patches when we go to garlemald and the EW role quests going 'hey maybe the#provinces can help us rebuild' as if they'd have any goddamn right to ask that just make me feel like they didnt stick the landing#seeing all the characters who have suffering time and time again bc of the garleans or seen the results of their actions having to clamp#their mouths shut every time someone said something xenophobic in EW isnt satisfying and it leaves so much unsaid!#also some people feel like the narrative didnt blame emet enough but ngl I think thats reductive even with his micromanaging scheming littl#ass and the intention of garlemald turning out a shitshow that doesnt make anyone else less complicit. most governments like this exaggerat#and lie and spread propaganda but I dont think most people here excuse the actions of a bigot because 'they were raised that way'#this is also my issue with gaius' writing. hes primarily upset that ascians were behind what he thought was his good old fashioned natural#conquering ideology :( and doesnt it suck so much he killed people for it. like yeah he seems pretty aware what he did was wrong but his#ideology remains bizarrely intact and unchallenged by the characters around him. no dude it wasnt just the ascians the system is a lot more#complex than that by this point aaaaaugh#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#siren says#I hope people are nice to me about this I dont think I said anything particularly controversial to the Tumblr crowd (twt maybe but fuck em)#ig my main point with this post is that the game isnt perfect at writing this and also that look. I actually liked the main arc in EW and I#like quite a few garlean characters but I completely understand why others didnt like it or any garleans esp if they have their own persona#experiences with colonialism and I dont get to tell them they're invalid for that. too many people get judgmental about this understandably#upsetting topic and you just gotta accept that this is a big line for many people
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finally got to see my coworker again after almost 2 weeks and he confirmed i cant trust most of the ppl at this job and they b talking shit which sucks but also is a relief bc none of the ppl mentioned surprised me, so i do feel like i can trust my senses at least a little, and it reminded me Honestly? to stop giving so much of a fuck about this job. i will show up and do my work good and have nice social interactions with Some of these people. but i dont have to care this much lmao. it just sucks and is sad because it is so hard being the only trans person, one of the only gay people, and one of the few visually Different/alternative people in a place, and also being autistic and never feeling like u can fully trust that you're good with people and theyre not secretly lying and actually hate u... in addition to rehashing something super fucked up that was said to me a week ago by someone i considered one of my favorite people at work that i honestly still havent processed fully! bc it was extremely fucked up!
#at least i still havent heard anything negative coming from my work bestie#altho im not gonna be naive and assume that could never happen#im at least gonna try to move forward with generally trusting him#bc i need to at least feel like i can trust some people#and socializing with other humans isnt a totally fruitless pessimistic endeavor#like i need some fucking optimism about other people#also work bestie could see i was upset and i almost started crying so i decided to tell him at least vaguely what happened#and he was sweet and gave me some words of encouragement and it was nice
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