#im so tired of reading a fic and they describe his eyes as blue or gray

[sgt-bluesummers]

everytime someone gives ghost blue eyes an angel loses its wings

[skz-streamer]

A Lost Cause -2/3-

<-Past - Next->

Pairing: Felix (skz) x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, slight smut?

Warnings: mentions of suicide, scarred wrist, pain, car crash, PTSD, abusive/toxic boyfriend, substances, abuse, bruising, crying, um... lmk if I missed anything else❤️

Notes: Finally!!! This chapter is a little shorter but it is a little more juicy ;) Im not sure when chap 3 will come out, possibly Thursday? Anyways I thought Hannah's new song fit this chapter pretty well, I tried to include some ocean vibes in there :)

Summary: After an abusive relationship you head to the bar for refuge...only to find yourself in another relationship, but is this one "A Lost Cause"?

-please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people

Word count ~1.5k ;)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A week later

You walk out of the large glass doors, finally out of the hospital you think. You can only imagine how messy your apartment must be, the leftovers in the fridge, the unmade bed. It wasn’t a welcoming sight to envision, especially after your situation. You ended up getting discharged with a broken arm and some painkillers, not to bad…I mean it could’ve been worse. You brush your hand over your cast, your hand traces higher and higher up your arm.

Suddenly you feel a sharp pain in your shoulder, even though it had been a week the nail marks that your ex had left in your shoulder were still there, small little scabs concealing a deep trauma inside. But then again there was him….Felix. To be honest what happend with him at the bar was a blur, so you decided to start new with him. He was a nice guy, well more then nice he was caring, sweet, compassionate, cute, loving…shit. You could’ve kept listing words that described him, but snapping you out of your trance was your ex. 

“Come here sweet cakes” he said, annoyed? You couldn’t tell the tone of his voice. How did he know you were out? And just as if he were reading your mind he spat out “ forgot I’m still your emergency contact?” Fuck, you were stuck with him as your ride back. Your car was absolutely totaled and had been sent to a junkyard, and you had no updates about insurance or money back. Everything was just piling up- “Get. In. The. Car” his words sent a shiver down your spine, you really really didn’t want to get into his stupid car with his dumbass self but…

It was a quiet drive home, infact too quiet. You had got in the car and he had turned on the radio. All that went through your mind was the repetitive words of ‘you’re his ex, and he’s yours’. Even though you were the one who broke up with him, were you the only one that felt pain? Was he really just a jerk? You sit on your couch. The only not cluttered place in your apartment. Maybe it would be nice to have a roommate, it was a random thought but at least there would be company. It was hard without your ex, you admitted it. In some way you felt like you needed him but no. You couldn’t go back to that relationship again. Ex means ex.

Trying to snap yourself out of your brain rotting thoughts you decide to go to bed, it’s only 8:00pm, which is quite early to sleep for you but you're tired as hell. Your messy bed welcomes your fragile figure as you lay down, letting the mattress pull you in. 

Your eyes snap open, the clock on your bedside table reads ‘5:00am’ shit. You had a feeling this would happen, sleep early and wake up early. You grabbed your phone giving up the thought of trying to go back to bed again, you had tried that already and it didn’t work. Like at all. Nothing was open at this time. Ugh what were you supposed to do now? You drag yourself out of bed and slug to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. You get your cast off in another week, it was kinda depressing to look at actually. Usually most casts would be decorated with hearts or names and even little messages, but yours was just a plain white. In fact it was starting to get a little gray around the edges. Maybe if you were with your ex he would’ve- the coffee pot loudly beeps interrupting your thoughts, goddd why were you so hung up over him?

You decide to go out for a walk, maybe some fresh air would be good for you, there is actually a really pretty bridge near your house. It overlooked the ocean. It was pretty nice in the morning, known for providing a beautiful view of sunrises and sunsets. You quickly change into a messy outfit, you just throw on some jean shorts and a tank top. You grab a jacket and head out, looking at yourself in the mirror for the first time in a while, you look different. It’s a cleaner look, smoother skin with no bruises or scratches ruining your skin. Your top perfectly showed the little inward curve your waist had, you didn’t have an ‘hourglass body’ but you were happy with what you had. 

Gladly the bridge was a walkable distance from your apartment, you still didn’t have a car. Gosh there were so many things to sort out. You really tried not to think about all of the things you needed to do…not to mention your job, you hoped you hadn’t lost that. All your worries were blown away as soon as you felt the cold breeze hit your hair. You loved the ocean, the idea that so much was hidden in it scared you and intrigued you at the same time. You felt inclined towards it. You continue to stroll down the bridge, the waves crashing against nearby rocks, the sounds of seagulls, it was all beautiful to you. 

Not looking where you’re walking you bump into someone, sending your coffee to spill all over yourself. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry” you stutter out. “No I should be sorry, look at yourself” he replies, it’s a familiar voice almost like Feli- you find yourself looking straight into his eyes. You had tried your very best to not think about him, especially since what happened in the hospital, it was a mistake. Mistake? That didn’t seem like the right word, maybe an accident? You didn’t mean to lunge at Felix after your ex left, but you felt safe with him, warm. 

Three days ago (Flashback)

Felix had been coming to see you every day since the day you were checked into the hospital, you werent sure why but it was nice to have some kind of company. - 

Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear a knock on your door, “come in!” you say excitedly, hoping that its felix who is standing outside. And your hopes were right! Felix walks into your room sitting down on the chair next to your hospital bed, one hand behind his back. “SURPRISE!!!” Felix screams, louder then he expected to, making you jump a little. You giggle at his antics before looking down at what he was holding. Its a tiny rubber ducky, you look back up at him. He is smiling so much that there are little creases next to his eyes, you smile in response it was a silly gift, especially for someone your age but… it was cute, and it was sweet that he got you something in the first place. 

Felix gently holds your hand so that he could place the duck in your palm, gosh why were you getting so flustered… He closes your palm and pushes down, the rubber duck creates a little squeaking noise sending you and Felix both to a loud laughter. Felix wraps his hands around you, pulling you in for a hug. You could feel his rock hard chest flush against yours as he squeezed you into the hug harder, you practically melt into his chest as he starts rubbing small circles on your back.

Your laughs quickly turn into muffled sobs, in response he pulls you away and stares you straight in the eyes. You quickly sniff and try to wipe away your tears but he swiftly grabs your hands, pressing the into the soft mattress below. “Why?” is all you manage to whimper out, you werent sure what you were saying why to. To Felix and why he stayed with you for hours on end? To yourself for loosing a relationship with your ex? To your ex for treating you like shit? Why…why did it have to be you. You knew making connections with felix would be a lost cause but…

Felix removes his hands from your wrists now cupping your face, hes staring into your eyesbut your eyes are staring directly at his lips. His thumbs swipe over your cheeks, wiping off your fallen tears. “Whats there to cry for? Promise me you wont cry again…atleast not without a proper reason” he says, almost in a whisper like tone, trying to match yours from earlier. All you can do is nod in his hands, still focusing on his pretty pink lips. He notices that your eyes are somewhere else and pulls you in closer, you feel his hot breath against your face. Fuck it.

You smash your lips against his, catching Felix by surprise. You feel as he eases into the kiss, he slightly smiles tugging your bottom lip with his teeth. You wish you could stay like this forever, just the two of you. You really liked Felix, he was always there for you even though you barely knew him. Actually now that you think of it you didn't know anything about felix besides that he was a bartender. You wish you could know everything a bout him, you wished that you had met him instead of your dumbass ex. But i guess not, all you had was this one kiss.

Permanent tag list: @eee5533 @mixtape-racha @ot8skz-wifey

lmk if u wanna be added to the tag list ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[coolbeansbuddyofmine]

i once believed love would be black n' white (but it's golden)

five times mun-yeong wished to see colour in her life and once she did (or the one where mun-yeong can only see the colors in 4K resolution when gang-tae is around her, and without him, life is muted)

a fic for kdrama secret santa 2022; for @rabonghee

read it on ao3 here!

im also very sorry this is late. a combination of sickness, travel and family stuff had left me busy last week. i do hope you enjoy, nonetheless, especially @rabonghee

a happy belated christmas and new year to you and your loved ones!

i’ve been sleeping so long in a twenty-year dark night

1. mun yeong’s never had friends before. the boy with the flower at her gate is the first who’s ever come up to approach her and she’s more confused than anything else. everything around her, the world moves so slowly (dreadfully so) in some stupid 20s monochrome film. 

it’s all boring and predictable and even at six, mun yeong knows that life’s not supposed to be like this.

in the books she hides from her mother, read secretly under her covers at night with a soft night light, she knows life can be and have so much more meaning and depth and colour to it than whatever her mother says.

for her few years of life, she’s believed her mother’s every word religiously, hanging on to it as if the word of god herself. her mother is? was? her god, but now, the former believer has committed sacrilege.

free thought has never felt more constraining.

the boy is like a fresh wind of indigo in her imposing house of stark greys and blacks. for her, who’s never seen colour, nor the blinding indigo in a rainbow, he’s her gateway drug.

she wants to pull him to her, magnetised by the beautiful blue hues.

---

he leaves, and she finds herself living in greyscale again.

the things that haunt me in the middle of the night

2. ju ri is kind and loud. mun yeong who would like to be an artist, if she had any talent at it, would paint her a loud and vibrant red; something vermillion or crimson, whatever would describe that prick of a paper cut that first stains it. she could be that crimson, that fresh blood, and she probably is. mun yeong’s eyes are aching and tired, and it filters the world around her, blunting all its edges. 

ju ri is fun, but even she, in the predictability of seongjin city and its coastline, remains predictable. in a world of rectangles and squares, both she and mun yeong are the same; she’s loud in her fury where mun yeong is cold and quiet, that is the only difference. 

the daughters of seongjin are all born angry, it seems.

that boy, mun yeong wonders, is probably a circle. she’s attracted to all those unlike her: that butterfly for one. does fury run in his blood? she wonders. is he a child of seongjin like her? or is a desperate wanderer, a nomad with no grounds to put down, a home that moves around with their people, like her?

does he want to find a home? or has he found it?

even years later, her mind still wanders to the boy who sharpened her edges to show her the most blinding of colors. something blinding in a gradient of darkness, does he pull others into him like he did for her?

is he a star to guide her or a blackhole waiting to devour her?

---

when she kisses ju ri, she wants to see another dazzling color.

she’s disappointed and leaves.

(it’s what she’s good at, after all. leaving just when the relationship was going to inevitably end; it’s called self-preservation, she has to save herself first before the momentum becomes too much and crashes)

luck of the draw only draws the unlucky

3. 

her college boyfriend thinks he’s won. she’s amongst the prettiest women on campus and she knows it: she’s his prize. among the many toys he takes, she’s his one and only trophy. all golden and gilded and glittery surface, hollow and black inside. he plays with her like a toddler with a precious toy; careless and sometimes it hurts. 

but she’s used to falling and bumping and bending. trophies don’t break anyway, he can’t break her because he can’t fix her. or replace her.

all bark and bite, that’s how he likes her. says it makes the sex more fun, and she wants to jeer in his face. her contrarian nature is good for him as long as he wants to roleplay, and beyond it, she’s just a bitch.

(of course she knows of the things he says of her behind her back to his friends. he’s an average steady fuck, so she doesn’t want to quite let go yet.)

when she kisses him, she likes to pretend he’s that boy standing at her gates with a flower. she admires the great bit of courage that boy had picked up to come to her haunted house of a home in all his childish innocence and fears. oppa isn’t brave like him. no, like all good women before she had to bait him and reel him in.

college dating teaches many a great deal about fishing. she would be a pro at it, if she could tolerate amputating and gutting that worm (it feels too alive and her breath catches in anxiety). it’s taught her patience (she barely has some; waiting is for the strong and brave of heart, and she’s far too cowardly to face daunting time).

she doesn’t want to. she tries not to. but inevitably, unfortunately, she tires of oppa sooner than he tires of her. it’s easier to let men leave her, and pretend as if they’ve walked away with breaking her heart (it does things for their ego, and later at night, when they sleep with another, the guilt makes for excellent sex). 

she could scoff. none of her suitors have broken her heart---they’d have to own it in the first place. you can’t break what’s not your own. 

she walks away from the flames and burning embers, as oppa rapidly tries to fan them in vain. she’s not coming back.

it’s a shame she really did like him.

---

she kisses him once again at a party before he graduates. it’s just before he gets piss drunk, and a test for her to see whether any of the remnants of feelings remain.

her heart feels as heavy as steel and yet she’s hollow through and through. within her, her heart is as dense as it is empty, something paradox.

there are so many lines i’ve crossed unforgiven

4. becoming a children’s fiction writer, it’s something she couldn’t even have fathomed in her dreams. she doesn’t think her fiction is for children, even now. it’s based off her own childhood for starters, and that’s appropriate for no child ever. perhaps it is the fantastical elements, the downright grimm-brothers-and-hans-christian-anderson tale that has been her life. like attracts the like, and she’s always thought of life as something a little mystical, unreal even.

something like a long dream she longs to wake up from. 

if everyone that was in her life could see her now. they’d laugh. ko mun yeong? a children’s book author? you must be joking. she hates children.

they’d be right too. she hates children---freud says daughters are a reflection of mother. she’d always thought that lunatic had some truth to his words despite his delusional works most of the times. she is her mother, and all she remembers from that woman is coldness and detachment and her child-like nature to constantly want to please the unhappy, un-pleasable woman. 

(if children got close to her, maybe they’d realize the same and she’d break them. she keeps away for them and herself).

---

she thinks of that boy at her gates. was he as naive and innocent as her? as the other children? would she have broken him then or now?

she’d hate herself more than she does now, more than she can fathom if she had broken him. she’s fine with everyone in the world hating her, but that small part of her traitorous ten-year-old heart still doesn’t want him to ever hate her. not with how much she likes him. still.

---

“was the witch lonely?” a little girl asks her once. her newest book is out, something about the tale of a witch who gobbled children up who came to her door. a little boy spots her eating a child once, her favorite little boy, and he stops at her gates before running away.

the witch never sees him again.

she blinks, and little pinpricks of tears are at the back of her eyes. she wills them not to fall because she’s helen and if she cries, troy will fall. she’s self-sacrificing.

“no, she was bad. a bad bad person. bad people don’t get lonely. they get their come-uppance and have to live with the guilt of their actions, the weight of it, and the people that leave them.” 

she answers it all in one short breath, before smiling and walking away.

---

“people aren’t always bad. they can change.”

not her.

clearing the air, i breathed the smoke

5.

her life has been on auto-pilot. after a certain level of fame, it all started getting a bit too monotonous for her. when the only constant in your life, your only friend is your goddamn publisher, you know it’s getting a little sad. 

she has more than she knows how to spend, and this job is more of a hobby, playing adult, than doing something for actual money. 

life’s too boring, and she aches for just something different. it’s times like this when she thinks of the boy. how unexpectedly delightful he was. a breath of fresh wind in her cooped-up house, something new, something unexpected.

maybe she just misses him. after all, it’s been twenty years now since she saw him last.

the boy...if she could have one wish, one last wish and demand and plea in her life, she’d like to him see him again maybe.

get entranced. transfixed. enchanted again.

(maybe this what people call burnout? boredom? is this what weber meant when he talked about the bureaucracy and disenchantment with life?)

---

sang in suggests she do charity, philantrophy. some of that corporate csr bullshit she’s not on, but he clearly babbles about day and night.

something about building her image.

as if good deeds now will redeem her and save her now. she’s far too gone to be recovered. it’s the gates of hell for her only.

it’s golden like daylight

and once,

1. spring brings back her love to her. they say love is like the tide of the four seasons, it fades in the cold of winter, but as the warmth of spring blooms in, love returns. 

she’s had a very long winter.

twenty some odd years, and the hazy bright golden sun and the pink cherry blossoms around her in a beautiful lovely spring of romance feels dizzying.

that gust of cold northern winds she’d felt from the boy’s arrival years ago, once again bursts in her chest. oxygen fills her lungs, and perhaps she just hasn’t breathed before as well as she does now. greedy little breaths of cold air, and she doesn’t want to return to that recycled, stuffy air.

they say three times is fate.

once, the first. she sees him in spring, walking up to her. pink petals around them. she drops cigarette ash in his cup.

twice, next. she raises a knife, a hand. he catches it, and it, his grasp, his fist tightens. blood flowing. red, red, red. the pink darkens.

it falls onto her hands, her sinner hands, her tight fists. and the mongolian blue mark stains red. (she’s always marked by violence.)

thrice. it’s fate. she’s almost in love. a little bit more and she’ll be there. heart palpitations, sweaty palms, flushed cheeks, and her aching wet cunt. what is love without lust? she hasn’t felt like this before.

(if the boy was here, she’d think he would be just like moon gang tae. moon gang tae. moon gang tae. even the taste of his name on her mouth tastes heady. she feels light-headed and drunk off just this. would she die at the taste of him then?)

they meet in seongjin city. and she knows it’s her boy. that boy. the boy that remains at the gates of her house and her heart. 

---

later, months later. when she finally kisses him, she can taste the freezing north wind boreas in her mouth.

it’s burning like the heat of the golden sun.

[9tzuyu]

dissolve (rewrite)

natasha x reader

note: this was just a huge vent fic idk. these type of fics seem to be the only thing im okay at writing. mistakes are mine as always. but i did proofread, yay!

if you want to read the original (as awful as it is) you can read it here!

wanrings: this heavily revolves around eating disorders.

i’m not tagging anyone because the content isn’t really the lightest to read.

words are used everyday, everywhere – whether to describe something or someone. there’s thousands upon thousands of them.

so you were having a hard time figuring out why you were struggling so much to justify your feelings through the basis of words. it was unnerving, draining and very annoying. your emotions should be simple, right? you were either sad or happy, angry or scared. but there was something more, something unexplainable. saying you felt alone only scratched the surface of the wave of emotion that took over. it was excruciatingly painful, far worse than any physical pain you ever had to endure. and for some reason it seemed to come crashing down at night while natasha slept peacefully. you weren't exactly sure how to express your emotions to the extent you felt them. how else was anyone supposed to understand your pain? they couldn't, not unless they could somehow shift into your body and feel your emotions themselves. but that was merely impossible as such powers do not exist. so you were inevitably stuck with words foreign to your lips. over the years you were deemed unsafe, a hazard, "an accident waiting to happen" you recall one doctor say. everyone’s eyes were on you at all times, monitoring every little movement you made. it was suffocating and at times doing more damage than good.

as an adult now you learned how freeing it could be without the fear of gaining weight or eating a bowl full of rainbow marshmallow cereal. your worth was not defined by your weight.

(at least that's what you believed prior to any relapses.) everything was going well in your life. you were a college graduate working as a psychiatric nurse and you had found love, something your teenage self could only dream of. natasha was by your side through everything. and really, the only downfall in the relationship was that she had to travel a lot for her job. but you were secure enough in your relationship not to worry or decide to call things off. in the end natasha always made up for it when she came back, so you couldn't complain too much. things were going well for you, really, they were. until they weren't. (and you didn't know why.) it happened out of nowhere. work was a little more stressful than usual, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. natasha had been away for three months, only stopping by a few times to check in on you. but again, your wife being away for so long wasn't anything new or worrisome. the two of you had followed the routine of her leaving and coming back more than a thousand times; yet somewhere along the way you lost yourself. food became less of a priority, your hunger decreased drastically, and within the first month you'd lost thirteen pounds. it truly was an accident, slipping into a full blown relapse was never part of the plan. but thirteen pounds lighter you wanted more, to feel small again. you didn't have an answer as to why you became so attached to your eating disorder, but it didn't seem like it would be letting go any time soon. the rate at which you were going natasha would most definitely be able to see a difference; not only on your weight, but in the person you once were. she'd ask what happened and why it happened, poking and prodding for an answer, but you didn't have one. so here you stood in the kitchen of your shared home, a cup of sliced fruit in one hand and your cell phone in the other. you poured the fruit into the bottom of a blender along with a spoonful of yogurt and half a cup of soy milk. another half cup of ice followed suit. while the fruit blended, you shamelessly scrolled through your instagram. there was nothing interesting going on in other people's lives, you didn't even know why you had social media in the first place. it was dumb, and quite frankly you didn't give a shit whether or not sharon went to the beach. the sound of your blender coming to a halt brought your attention back to the real world. you poured your smoothie into your water bottle. the green liquid would be your breakfast and lunch for the day - dinner was still up for debate. a soft sigh left your lips. work was beginning to feel more like a chore and less of something you enjoyed. you were quickly growing tired of it. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and rushed out of the door.

you thought about the irony of working as a psychiatric nurse with an undealt eating disorder telling teenagers how to deal with their own issues. you felt hypocritical to say the least, especially given that all the nasty side effects were starting to make themselves known.

your hair was beginning to thin, small clumps of it already starting to fall out when you tugged a little too hard. bruises could be seen scattered left and right on your body, and you were cold. god you were cold. your fingernails were tinted blue, warmth seemingly too far out of reach. you looked ill, and it didn't go unnoticed by your coworkers.

a few hours into your shift you found yourself sitting behind the nurses station filling out paperwork. lunch had passed and when your coworker, steve, asked if you were going to eat something you lied straight through your teeth, telling him you'd grab something when the patients were eating dinner.

but steve rogers could read you like an open book. he knew you were lying because he already knew what was going on. the signs of an eating disorder were quite obvious when you were a licensed therapist. and despite your futile attempts at hiding it, everyone could tell something wasn't right.

steve played it by ear for weeks until he contacted natasha, but by then you'd already lost a considerable amount of weight. as soon as she heard the news, natasha booked the next flight home. unfortunately for her though, there was only one flight and she would have to wait two and a half weeks before being able to leave.

you didn't know it, but those were the longest two and a half weeks natasha ever had to wait.

– patients were having group therapy, so you could tune them out - not that you should, but it was hard to focus when the only two things you could think about were food and your weight.

the need to lose weight sounded so stereotypical for someone with an eating disorder, but honestly it wasn't about that. it was never about wanting to be thin. you genuinely didn't know why this was happening. the only thing you noticed was how rewarding it felt seeing the number go down, as if for you were good for becoming less. it was addictive. and it didn't help that you based your entire worth on how much you could lose.

the next time you stood up from behind the nurses station steve met you in the the cafeteria. while the patients ate you took occasional sips from your smoothie. the bottle was still full of its contents from the morning. you had completely forgotten to drink it during the day, but you didn't seem to mind it that much.

the surprise touch of steve's hand on your shoulder startled you.

i am gross, you thought. do not do that.

steve caught onto the slight flinch your body produced as a reflex, but he didn't say anything about it.

"you can leave early, boss said so."

he laughed as he saw confusion plaster your face.

"what? no!"

"go home, seriously. we have this handled. you know tony doesn't like being told no."

you bit your lip, puzzled by the sudden request. most people wouldn't mind being sent home early, but all it did for you was give you a level of anxiety reserved for food.

what you didn't know was that natasha was home waiting for your arrival. she came back just short of an hour after you left for work.

while you were gone natasha made a few thorough rounds in the house looking for key signs of your eating disorder. there was bound to be evidence given that you didn't know she was home.

unsurprisingly, natasha found a glass scale beside the counter of the bathroom floor along with empty bottles of laxatives in the trashcan. the food in the fridge had been expired a few days past their date, giving her the indication that you weren't eating as much as you should be. her concern grew even more when she found your food journal on your nightstand. flipping the pages, natasha could see that throughout the moths she'd been gone your calorie intake had decreased significantly.

guilt began to gnaw at the back of her throat.

during the few days natasha stopped by, she hadn't noticed anything wrong with you. but then again she knew most people with eating disorders were very good at hiding them up until the point they were discovered. three days wasn't near enough time for her to catch onto your tricks, not when her mind was still focused on her job.

natasha always listened intently whenever you would talk about your eating disorder, the first time being six months into the relationship on a date you felt like you had ruined.

but talking about it was much different than experiencing it with you, natasha had never done that before up until now. she read nearly every article there was about anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and ednos. sometimes when you were asleep she would watch documentaries on the disorder, always making sure to keep her volume at a low level.

the videos that hurt her the most were the ones teenagers struggling with the simple task of eating food.

(although natasha knew it wasn't that simple.)

it hurt because she knew that was you at some point in time.

upon your arrival, natasha cooked dinner. she wanted to hold onto the one sliver of hope that steve was wrong - that he was just overreacting - but she knew in her heart he was right about his assumption. however, dinner would only confirm what natasha so desperately wanted to deny.

when you walked through the door you were greeted with the overwhelming scent of food. you cringed at the thought of having to eat, but as soon as you looked up to see the redhead who'd been gone for so long your frown was washed away. a wide smile overtook your face and you rushed to jump into natasha's arms.

"i missed you so much," you whispered. "i thought you'd be gone for another few weeks?"

natasha's arms found their way around your waist as your legs wrapped around hers. "what? i can't come home early to surprise my wife?" you giggled in the crook of her neck. she smiled feeling the vibrations against her skin, happy to know that you'd missed her just as much as she missed you.

she sat you down, back facing you, she tended to the food. "you've lost weight," she commented, not missing the sharp inhale of your breath.

"how was work, nat?"

she nodded to herself. yeah, she didn't expect you to be so open on the first try.

"it was fine. dinner's ready, i made your favorite!" natasha threw a smile in your direction as she carried the plates over to the table. she had hoped to see your face light up the way it used to, but seeing the panicked look in your eyes further confirmed your relapse.

if nothing else, natasha wanted you to have a meal before she brought up the conversation.

"great... i love it, thank you nat!" your attempt at being enthusiastic failed miserably and you knew by the look she gave you, she already knew what was going on.

but throughout the meal, and despite the shakiness of your hand as it gripped the metal fork, natasha didn't say anything.

you weren't really sure which was worse; being confronted or knowing the both of you knew what the other was thinking and still not addressing it.

natasha's meal was good, you couldn't lie about that, but each bite you chewed caused the tightening in your chest to constrict further.

now you couldn't be good. or worthy. or deserving.

nat took away your plate when you were halfway through. she knew your limits, and she didn't want to push you too much out of your comfort zone.

"go change, i'll wash our dishes. meet you on the couch?"

you did as you were told, taking as long as you could to do so. except this time was different. you didn't glance in the mirror like you usually did, you chose to fully take in your figure.

what you saw was not what you expected to see. for the first time in months you saw a version of yourself that wasn't twisted and turned to be something you didn't know was real or not.

your skin was dry, hair thinned out beyond your belief, eyes sunken and dark underneath. the revelation gave you an odd feeling – was once again something unexplainable, unjustifiable by words.

good.

that was how you were supposed to feel, right? after all of this time, after the many pounds of protection and warmth lost, you were supposed to feel good.

but you didn't. and you never would.

there was something so surreal about the realization of your own destruction. you were aware now, which meant you had to either take responsibility or choose to lose everything you worked so hard for.

"y/n?"

your wife's voice snapped you out of your gaze and you scrambled to pile your dirty clothes and rush out of the bedroom.

as you made your way into the living room you could feel the intensity of natasha's gaze. any other time you would not mind her green eyes looking at you, but this time around you felt like you were in trouble.

she patted the empty spot next to her, to which you reluctantly joined. but even after everything you still tried to play it cool.

"what's up? is everything okay?"

she gave a low chuckle, "you tell me."

"what do you mean?"

"oh i think you know what i mean."

natasha’s reply was met with the loudest silence you ever had to sit through.

she bit her lip, "you know i got a call from steve a few weeks ago. he's concerned about you, and from what he's told me so am i."

you were quick to respond, automatically knowing what steve’s phone call was about. "i'm fine. so what if i've lost a couple of pounds? that doesn't automatically mean that im relapsing, natasha."

your quick snap reminded natasha that this kind of confrontation was like walking on eggshells.

she tilted her head, licking her lips. "i'm here with you, always." nat put a hand to the side of your face, gently rubbing her thumb at the top of your cheekbone. "i'm here."

it seemed pointless now to try and say anything because your secret was already out.

your mind began racing back and forth.

you wanted to keep what you knew best and natasha understood that. even by reading your body language she knew what you were debating.

"you know, to keep it you have to give it away." your eyes darted to meet hers. "mhm. you can still have that piece of you. mourn it, grieve it, do whatever you need to do to move onto a stage where it doesn't hurt you. and from there you can help other people, share your experience, let yourself heal by helping others."

she paused, “we all have choices. some of those choices are taken from you while others leave you with only one option.”

although what she said seemed to resonate with you, there was one thing still holding you back.

"i just want to be good."

natasha hummed. you had explained it to her in the past, though your words were jumbled together as you tried to describe it.

"you can be good in other ways. you're allowed to live a life outside of the barriers your eating disorder puts in the way."

you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat. "i don't even know how it got to this point. in january i enjoyed ihop and dennys. in february i could have oatmeal and bananas, sometimes half of a sandwhich if i was feeling brave. now it’s march and i only eat one or two things a day. the idea of having a full meal makes me want to cry. and i just- i don't know how to stop."

natasha wouldn't show it, but your words cut through her heart like a knife. her mind wandered briefly to all the teenagers in the documentaries she'd watched, hoping you weren't too far gone into your eating disorder to ever come back. those cases scared her the most.

"you've got my complete support. you've tackled this before, maybe this time you can beat it? i know its easier to abuse your body instead of growing comfortable in it, but i think you’ve got this. i know you do."

"what about your work?" your question caused natasha to frown. "you think i wouldn't set my job aside for you?" you shrugged, it's not like you felt like you were worth being taken care of anyway.

natasha grew hesitant to tell you her news, but did it anyway because she’d rather you hate her than see you dead. "i've already made some appointments for you. the first one is tomorrow morning."

"i figured you would natasha. it's okay."

you spaced yourself out the rest of the day. each time you made the executive decision to recover, whether that be a genuine recovery or not, the process never failed to remind you that even trying to recover from an eating disorder felt like mourning the loss of a friend who was never good for you in the first place.

[khaleesiofalicante]

OK I GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT WHICH IS PRETTY OK IG (I did stay up to read the fic-) BOTH MY TESTS WENT LIKE SHIT, I HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK IN PROGRAMMING CLASS BECAUSE BY TEACHER IS A LITTLE SHIT WHO KEPT ON YELLING AT ME WHEN I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING AND I SPENT LUNCH ALONE BUT AT LEAST NOW IM ALONE WITH MY LAPTOP SO YAYAYAYYA

first of all, this chapter right here is my comfort chapter from now on. i said what i said. I will be rereading it again and again just because i can. it was PERFECTION

here's me going crazy at 2 am yesterday.

MAGNUS' CHAPTER

LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO

AHHHHHHH IT'S THEIR ANNIVERSARY

SCREAM

oh

alec shaved his beard because it made him look older

RAFAEL WAS SO UPSET AFTER THE MEXICO ATTACK BECAUSE OF ANJALI RIGHT??

magnus and alec are the oblivious parents istg

“Are you decent?” Max yelled. “I don’t want to be traumatized again.”

“Hey! We agreed not to talk about that!” Alec yelled back.

Im not even surprised at this point

“Happy anniversary, bapa!” Rafael kissed him on the cheek and handed him the flowers.

“Where are my flowers?” Alec asked.

Rafael plucked a rose from the bouquet and threw it at Alec. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, son,” Alec mumbled.

IM WHEEZING

DAVID BAKES

“David made it,” Max said shyly. "

Oh,” Alec replied and then shrugged. “Well, the icing could be a little sweeter I think.”

Ever since Max started dating, Alec had become incredibly protective. Alec liked David of course – it was impossible to find someone who didn’t. But that didn’t mean Alec approved.

And it didn’t help that the blond boy was absolutely terrified of Alec.

ALEC STOP TEASING HIM

THE BOY IS ALREADY SCARED

“I don’t know,” Alec analysed the card. “David used too much glitter.”

“Since when do you have a problem with excessive glitter?” Max demanded.

ALEC

“I didn’t use him!” Max huffed. “He was thoroughly compensated for his efforts!”

“Compensated how?” Alec asked.

“Uh,” Max said. “With donuts.”

when i saw donuts i immediately thought of rose and luisa from jtv

iykyk

but should i continue the show? i got tired of jane continuously embarrasing herself

“You expect us to follow rules?” Alec asked in surprise. “In our own home? On our anniversary?”

The warlock boy grinned wickedly before leaning close to Alec.

“You better do it, or I will tell everyone about your secret,” Max whispered.

Alec blinked at that.

the secret...

I DONT LIKE HOW MANY THINGS POPPED INTO MY HEAD

is highschool musical that bad? i havent watched it. should i?

what if i cried

i just wanna hug alec??? but i cant say it'll be ok because it wont

“Is that why you are not attending?” Magnus grinned at his friend. “Or is it because you are terrified of Georgia?”

“That child is the reincarnation of Christopher Lightwood!” Ragnor complained. “I heard she made explosives out of demon ichor! Who makes explosions out of demon ichor?”

RAGNOR IS PROBABLY GETTING FLASHBACKS

THESE STUPID FUCKING BITCHES

how tf do you think we have survived huh??

medicine that's how

vaccines, anti biotics and what not

stop being close-minded and fucking do it

ok i know the risk is great

BUT OTHERWISE THEY ALL DIE

it was different for warlocks. The Shadow World was their universe. The nephilim kept it safe. At one point in their lives, they had learned to coexist with them, out of necessity and out of obligation.

And now here they were – working together in the name of friendship and love.

how things change...

what

say what

the causes are what

ok let's not jump to conclusions

im fucking crying wtf

alec doesnt deserve this shit

all he's done is make the world a better place

hes worked so hard on this

RAZIEL CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF

what am i supposed to say to my parents if one of them comes to check on me and im sitting here crying at 2 am

He didn’t want to believe in a reality that would punish Alec. Alec who only wanted to do what is good and right.

Alec was who was losing his hope and strength every passing day. Alec who was struggling. Alec who was turning to desperate measures to cope with all the stress.

please alec

no please

THE ANGELS ARE BITCHES

Because if Magnus found out Raziel was the one causing all this pain for Alec, he would march up to heaven and set the bastard on fire himself.

AND I'LL GO WITH HIM

KNEW THE SPY WAS LIVVY

AWW RAGNOR LIKES SELENA THATS SO SWEET

blue and gold

STOP IT IM CRYING AGAIN

The shadowhunter was a good influence on him. Magnus hoped Alec would see it sooner rather than later.

HUH

HUHU

HUH

omg

GIGI GETTING A SIBLING

“Max isn’t allowed to do a lot of things,” Magnus chuckled. “But he does them anyway.”

thats my boi

GASP

]THE NECKLACE

rafael is growing into the consul voice

they grow up so fast

nope nope he's still the little 5 year old

voice cracking what do you mean he's 20

im glad hes happy with mila. or is he...?

Magnus had deduced as much. Alec lived in his beautifully oblivious world. But Magnus noticed.

He noticed the hickeys. He noticed the late-night visits. He noticed the tense phone calls.

well thank god there's at least one non-oblivious person (alec i love you so much but you are very very oblivious)

“What’s stopping you then?” Magnus asked.

"2554 miles,” Rafael chuckled sadly.

me with all my online friends

probably more miles

Magnus tried to do the math but promptly gave up.

me

But Alec did lie though. Magnus pushed the thought away.

NOT NOW

LET ME LIVE IN PEACEFUL OBLIVION

HUSH

“Except melt it?” Rafael chuckled.

“Yes,” Magnus chuckled back. “As you can see, the bar is extremely low in the Lightwood family.”

AHHIUCCDSKUHDCV

i have no clue what the words describing the outfit are

time to google

OK PRETTY

Fifteen years. Fifteen years of loving and Alec still made his heart stutter.

dont do this to me right now I WILL CRY

“What the hell?” Max exclaimed. “Why are you all dressed up?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s my anniversary,” Alec chuckled.

Max-

Fifteen years. Fifteen years and Magnus still took Alec’s breath away.

HJCSDHJBJDHSGCDYGJVVC JHVDFYMJ

it's not funny MY EYES ARE WATERING

“Bapak is a good looking one in the family,” Rafael pointed out. “You are the chaotic one and I am the smart one.”

“What am I then?” Alec asked dryly. “A sack of potatoes?”

“You’re the sexy one,” Magnus grinned. “A sexy sack of potatoes.”

yes.

Alec grinned back and leaned forward. Magnus put his hands around Alec’s neck and kissed him. He kissed Alec with all the love he had inside his heart.

Just like the first time. Just like the hundredth time. Just like the thousandth time.

Because with Alec, every kiss mattered. Every single one.

muffled sob

“Stop making out, oh my god!” Max groaned.

Magnus sensed a pillow coming their way but Rafael caught it before it hit them.

“Max, stop!” Rafael scolded. “You will wrinkle dad’s suit and ruin bapak’s hair! I spent hours ironing both!”

why is max me when i see people display affection in front of me

ALSO RAFAEL HKUIUIDCSKIHUDFVHJDFVHU

“They are here,” Rafael said. “You two better look exactly the way you did when I left with Max or I will raise hell.”

IM SCREAMING

Selena was wearing a blue crop top with the words “MIND YOUR OWN UTEREUS” written in gold.

i need that top

DAVID'S SHIRT IS THE COLOR OF MAX'S MAGIC

AHH ISABELLE DOESNT KNOW SHE'S PREGNANT YET

The argument of “who gave the best gift” had started when Jace and Izzy had gotten drunk on vodka. It didn’t help that Alec had gotten drunk as well. All three Lightwood siblings had then proceeded to have an argument about who had the best spouse. The whole night had been drunken chaos. Magnus, Clary and Simon had let them have it since the Lightwood siblings had a tendency to carry the world on their shoulders even when nobody asked them. They rarely ever let loose ever since their worlds had plunged into sickness and demon attacks. Especially Alec. So, Magnus had let his husband be that 18-year-old boy again. The boy who got drunk and fought with his siblings and sang songs about Magnus’ pretty eyes.

OH MY GOD THE CHAOS

Georgia considered that. “I’m not allowed to melt it, right?”

“No,” they all replied in chorus.

LET GIGI MELT IT

SELENA IM SO PROUD OF YOU

“Dad,” Max said. “Can you keep a picture of me wearing this necklace in your office?”

“Why?” Rafael asked.

“I think it will piss off the boomers,” Max giggled.

“Nice!” Lexi grinned. “A downworlder wearing a shadowhunter heirloom? They will lose their heads. Uncle Alec, you must do it.”

“I will do you one better. I will hang a tapestry,” Alec chuckled.

YASSS I CANT WAIT FOR THE SHADOWHUNTERS TO BE PISSED

AWW THEY DIDNT KNOW THE NECKLACE USED TO BELONG TO MAGNUS

he actually gave to camille first-

Why couldn’t this boy just cause chaos during his travel year like the rest of them? Why did he actually study and do his research as recommended?

why would you NOT study and research during your travel year????

oh shit

well well well

david bby stfu

i love you but pls stop speaking for all our sakes

“Holy shit,” Max said. “It is expensive then!”

“Don’t pawn the ruby!” Rafael warned.

MAX NO-

OH THE STONE COMES FROM EDOM

oh no

pls dont fight

oh so i was wrong about magus confronting him from that snippet

all you need to know is im sobbing right now and grammarly is the only thing making this coherent

dont mind me just

NO I FORGOT ABOUT MAX AND DAVID

GET BACK IN THE ROOM YOU IDIOTS

don't do this to me at 3 am

OK THE DILF PART

thank you for adding light into my life again

(me while editing this: today really isn't my day huh? i just slipped in rainwater outside my balcony because I heard rain and ran there. now my knee and back hurt and I think I sprained (?) my toe-

ANYWAY

wait im gonna go check out the rain and then continue editing this

ok i got bored of the rain)

that made me laugh through my tears

“Objectively good looking?” Jace snorted. “Excuse you, but my parabatai is smoking hot! He is a freaking prize, okay? If we had a magazine for hot shadowhunters, you would be on the cover page. Every single issue.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Alec interrupted. “Magnus, are you happy? Now all my friends have told me I am pretty.”

“I said smoking hot,” Jace corrected.

“We are not being biased,” Clary pointed out. “It is the general consensus, Alec.”

“It’s true,” Lexi said. “So many people have asked me for your number, Uncle Alec. And I would have given it to them if I wasn’t worried about being turned into a marshmallow.”

LEXI DUHDUGHUDFCUHKVDFUIKFDU

“Dad, I don’t know why you are so worried,” Max said in a bored tone. “You’re a told DILF.”

David choked on his champagne and Jace patted him on the back.

“What the hell is a DILF?” Alec demanded.

“Oh, I know this one!” Jace said excitedly. “It means Dashing and Irresistible Looking Father. Max is right, you are a total DILF.”

“Mr. Herondale-” David raised a hand.

“I heard one of the shadowhunters in their travel year calling me a DILF too,” Jace said proudly.

THAT IS NOT WHAT DILF MEANS OH MY GOD

“It’s not a rumour,” Selena spoke up and passed her phone. “There is a group chat at Scholomance just to thirst after you.”

add me to it

ALL THE COMMENTS I CANT BREATHE

“Alec Lightwood can run me over with a Maserati and I would thank him.”

“Give me that,” Izzy grabbed the phone and started giggling. “Petition for Consul Alec Lightwood-Bane to stab me with his mortal sword.”

“Isabelle!” Alec hissed, cheeks flaming. “Stop it!”

“I want one!” Jace grabbed the phone now. “By the Angel!”

“Read it!” the kids yelled in chorus.

“I would gladly let Consul Lightwood-Bane inspect my mortal instruments,” Jace chuckled and threw the phone at David.

David shook his head vehemently and threw it at Max.

“My body is just a hole for Alec Lightwood,” Max read out loud and started laughing so hard that he fell off his chair.

Lexi grabbed the phone and giggled. “I want the Consul to strip off my runes among other things.”

She passed the phone to Gigi, who looked at the phone and look at Alec.

“Uncle Alec,” the girl said. “This person wants you to crush them with your massive archer arms.”

“Give me that,” Rafael grabbed it now. “Aw, this one is a classic, dad. Alec Lightwood turned me gay.”

He threw the phone at Simon, who stared the screen and looked up. “Uh, I don’t think I can read this one out loud in front of the kids.

“Is this the one about the basement?” Selena chuckled and Simon nodded.

WHAT'S THE BASEMENT ONe

TELL ME

AWW GIGI AND LEXI PUTTING MAKEUP ON DAVID AND MAX RECORDING IT

google translator time

oooo Rafael's gonna talk with Mila

Magnus you're such a good father

seriously

“Sometimes things are just sad. So, you need to let yourself be sad.”

YES

SAY IT LOUDER

THEY ARE UNDER THE BED

AHHH MAX AND DAVID

DAVID CALLED HIM MY ANGEL IN FRENCH

Alec and Magnus hiding under the bed and spying on them is just-

Jace had tried to give Max the shovel talk and had gotten a little too emotional.

of course, he did smh I love him so much

“David doesn’t need a shovel talk,” Alec smiled. “He knows what would happen to him if he hurts my son.”

David gulped. “You will throw me into the silent city?”

“I will ask me husband to portal you to hell,” Alec said – Consul Voice. “We have relatives there.”

the beloved relatives yes

“Goodnight,” Jace gave them a salute. “Have fun inspecting Magnus’ mortal instruments.”

JACE

OH SO THE QUESTION WAS ABOUT SMOKING

damn it

oh my god guys he said he'll stop smoking

just lemme have this moment

my boy's lungs will be intact

HIS LUNGS WILL BE OK

“I can’t wait to see all the messages on the chat after that,” Magnus giggled.

Alec looked up. “I’m more than a tall glass of water, Magnus!”

SCREAMING

In his dream, he saw them again. But they weren’t smiling this time.

what

wait

THE PROPHETIC DREAMS

nope nope nope

Nah I don't know what you're talking about

haha

damn, I think I really hurt my back...

OK BUT THE IMMORTALITY ANGST???? WAS SO SO GOOD???? I know it makes me cry but is it bad that I'm always so excited for angst written by you because of HOW GOOD it is????

"When I die I will love you from my grave" I NEED THIS ON MY FOREHEAD OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH

alright I need to get something for my back and my knee (I'm home alone so this will be fun)

OK, I THINK THE NEXT CHP WILL BE ANJALI'S POV I JUST FEEL IT!!! I miss my girl so much I hope she's doing ok. Jaime too...

I'm rereading all of these chapters after chapter 10 because why not. Bye!!

OKAY I AM GLAD YOU LIKED IT BUT I AM ALSO DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

I hope your knee and back feels better soon!

also fuck that teacher yelling something doesn't make people understand it any better ugh dumb piece of shit anyway screw that person.

I hope you get some good rest and recovery from this rollercoaster of a day.

Take care!

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Tadpoles And Eggs

Masterlist

Henry returns to work with no confirmed pregnancy but is that really the case? Warnings: Swearing, Fluff

A/n: so here is another Fluff piece yay!! part three of house to home, I hope you like these I'm a little unsure who to tag so im just trying to tag everyone who asked to be tagged in my superman/ henry fics excluding Trophy if you want to be tagged or un-tagged just let me know as always i hope you enjoy xx

Taglist : @two-unbeatable-beaters​​ @thatgirly81​​ @angelofthorr @iloveyouyen​​​ @magdelen69​ @jessevans​​

Tadpoles And Eggs

You walked behind Henry to the kitchen. He was leaving in a week so was just relaxing around the house. You sighed moving to hug him from behind, you hadn’t been successful. You wasn't pregnant and it wasn't for lack of trying. You pressed your forehead to his back, you'd had four months and nothing! You were deflated already thinking there was something wrong with you, mind wandering 'maybe one was enough?'. You felt Henry sigh and twist round wrapping you up in his arms.

"I know love...I know look we can try again you are coming out to visit on set to, its not the end of the world... Maybe we are just trying to hard? To fixed on it you know how these things are?" You sniffed you couldn't describe how you were feeling, not really if you had to put it in words you felt...like a failure? You let Henry down, you both wanted another baby but Henry more so, he had a large family and knows the joy of having a house full of siblings and wants so desperately to give that to Paige, Paige is also getting impatient and wants her baby brother now. She didn't mean to but it upset you when everyday without fail she asked when her brother was getting here.

He moved he knew what was going on it was getting you down, making you ill and the stress of it all was making you irregular which made it much harder to figure out when your ovulating.

"I know ..I just, it was so easy with Paige...You know? We didn't even have to try...I just want to have another, it must be a woman thing...My clock or something but seeing Paige grow up I realized that... In September I’m going to be alone in the house day in day out I wont have someone to look after throughout the day and I’m going to miss that and I...it just got to me is all." He moved back kissing you deeply, you hadn't told him that before...He knew that you held back a little when he was gearing up for a long filming session, you didn't want to overload him with baggage.

"Look I will be home by then...If we still haven't then we can get another pet.. You wanted a bird? We can get one someone to keep you company and don't forget Kal will be here...I don't take him to shoots anymore so he can guard you two" you moved back from him taking a breath.

"We can't get a bird...I cant bring it with me when I visit not like I can kal" he sighed oh yeah.He remembered now that was why you hadn't already got one. He nodded solemnly then placed his hands on your tummy rubbing it slowly.

"It will happen, they are just going to make us wait" you hummed nodding and kissed him again.

Later that morning you both sat at the table, Henry was reading through the script at one end, coffee in hand and Paige was furiously scribbling 'notes' on her page. You blinked she looked very...Irritated she hadn't even touched her bacon sandwich with was unlike her she loved her bacon..Bacon was life and she had a t-shirt that said so. You waved at Henry getting his attention he looked up and looked to Paige and frowned. You moved over to the table and set your cup down.

"Paige love what are you doing?"

"A letter of compaint" you blinked and shared a look with Henry. Okay?.

"Complaint? To who poppet?" She growled and looked up angrily to her father blues eyes blazing

"To amazon! They haven't delivered mummy's baby seed! So I haven't got my brother yet and they best pull they finger out!" You laughed as she quoted you, your laugh got a fierce glare from the little girl. But Henry stopped whatever she was going to say.

"Baby seed?" You sighed rolling her eyes

"Yes daddy! Baby seed for mummy to eat and grow a baby in her tummy! Then she can poop it out and I get my baby brother!" Henry tired oh bless him he tried not to laugh but the child's explanation was to cute. She frowned and slapped the table in a huff.

"DON’T LAUGH S'NOT FUNNY!" You moved sitting across from her.

"Honey...That’s not how babies are made" she tilted her head confused.

"But things grow from seeds mummy...like the fruits and veggies in the garden...they were all seeds" you smiled finally understanding how the idea of a 'baby seed' came about. You shook your head at her.

"No sweety babies don't come from seeds delivered by amazon"she looked stumped and tilted her head looking to Henry then you.

"Huh? Then where do babies come from?" Paige broke off into a gasp looking to her daddy shook his head jumping up from the table swearing loudly as he knocked over his coffee. He moved the script just in time clutching the papers tightly then in a panic he swerved to the side and tripped as his foot caught on the leg of the table, you both winced as he landed heavy on the floor grunting, he moaned quickly as Paige watched squealing at the show her daddy was putting on for her. He quickly went to scrabble up and away to escape the kitchen. You growled at him racing around the table to stand before him pointing to his chair.

"SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!" Paige laughed as he daddy tried to reason with you but was shut up with a look. He grumbled sitting back down reluctantly and you moved to the sink throwing down a cloth in front of him to clean up the coffee.

"We agreed Henry, you do the baby talk and I take care of the birds and the bees and lady bits!" He groaned holding a hand out to your daughter who sat still kicking her legs waiting for her answer.

"Cant we leave it? Look she is happy and and she doesn't need to know know..Its embarrassing" he sputtered going red himself you raised an eyebrow at him

"Really...This embarrasses you ...after all the the shit you’ve been grunting out at me when we-"

"OH MY GOD BABE?! sshhh little ears" he hissed waving his arms around going even brighter, you smirked and you crossed your arms after a few moments of staring you caved unable to resist his puppy eyes.

"Oh for fuck sake- fine just back me up...You owe me,fucking superman my arse your a fucking wussy" you sighed shaking your head as he grinned like an idiot nodding. You turned to Paige and gulped, okay you can do this...Just tell her what your parents told you easy. Isn't it?. You cleared your throat.

"Well you are right that babies do come from mummies tummy’s, but we don't err eat a seed." Henry snorted loudly blushing.

"Well.. Sometimes" you glared at him snarling ferociously making him jolt back in he seat eyeing you carefully.

"You really wanna go there Henry?" He shook his head looking genuinely frightened

"Then...How does it get in your belly mummy?" You looked back to her your face softening.

"Well, when a mummy and daddy really really want a baby they have a really special cuddle-”

"Is it sex?" You and Henry both choked and stuttered mind going blank and you got flustered.

"What whe-where did you hear that word honey bun?" She shrugged blinking up at you then leaned forward resting her face on her hand twiddling her crayon.

"Rose.... She told me mummy's and daddy's have sex to feel good....And sometimes it makes a baby...And it has something to do with a daddies willy" You and Henry shared a look your minds blown you were frozen unsure how to proceed. Henry was the first to recover.

"Is that right? What else does  Rose say?"

"She said its loud and sounds like her mummy is being smacked on her bottom like her daddy does when shes been naughty...And that mummy's poop out babies" you both chuckled knowing full well what Rose had been hearing .

"Rose tells you a lot of things huh poppet?" Henry deadpanned unsure if he wants your little precious nugget to play with this Rose anymore.

"Yes..right well err Rose is right I suppose.." you looked to Henry for more help but he just held up his hands shaking his head.Fuck no.

"Soo anyway yes a daddy is needed to make a baby... For the special cuddle to work....And the special cuddle is called sex..."

"But what does he do?" You blushed wishing in that moment that you'd just let her think amazon gave you a fucking seed! Henry must have noticed your  regret as he leaned back chuckling smugly.

"Yeah babe whats my part in all this?~" you kicked him swiftly under the table and steeled yourself Paige nodded looking at you pointing to Henry

"See daddy don't know what to do! What does daddy have to do with it?" You smiled as Henry snapped his head to his daughter.

"Your right baby, daddy doesn't know what to do" you ignored the glare Henry sent your way sipping your coffee.

"Right..Daddy has...He has...Tadpoles? that he puts inside of mummy and they swim up in to my tummy, where mummy has teeny tiny....Eggs and once they get to mummy's eggs the egg turns into a baby and after that tiny baby starts to grow in mummy's tummy and nine months later she goes to the hospital and the doctor takes the baby out...And that's how babies are made" she frowned at you both.

"But how does the baby come out?" You cursed having such an inquisitive child!

"They take it out of the mumm’y belly.." her eyes widened and she placed her hands on her belly.

"Soo daddy puts his tadpoles in mummy to hatch an egg?" You and Henry nodded to her as she reviewed getting the basic concept which was good enough.

"And then...A baby grows and you got to hospital to have it taken out...I KNEW YOU DIDN'T POOP ONE OUT! NO WAY A BABY COULD FIT! ROSE IS A LIAR!!" She got down from the table making her way to the kitchen door and stopped turning back and ran to the table collecting her bacon sandwich

"’I’m going in then garden to play with Kal" she smirked turning to look at you both.

"You stay here and have sex....Make me a baby brother" you both gaped as she strutted out of the kitchen calling Kal.

You and Henry stared in stunned silence. Hearing her shouting calling kal as she made it further and further away.

"Did she just?"

"Yep...she did" you both too, a moment sitting at the table awkwardly

"Should we?" You snapped your head to him your look was the answer he needed and he quickly chuckled backtracking.

"No no sorry my bad stupid!" You sighed shaking your head he chuckled after a few moments at you snorting, you raised a brow at him.

"What?”

"Tadpoles? Really babe?" You hissed at him as he laughed out loud slapping his leg.

"Fuck off you wasn't exactly a great help! Swallowing seed?" He moved around to the top cupboard laughing at his own childishness stretching up pulling out your amaretto and two glasses

"That’s bad? my daughter just said I don't know how to fuck my own wife... and you agreed! You'll pay for that later" you scoffed

"That was pretty funny...Should go in the memory book" half filling them he arched looking out the window to see where kal was as Paige was still looking for him giving up he turned to you frowning placed one in front of you.

"Thanks...I think that went well...didn't it?" You said as you both sipped your drinks slowly not caring that it was only ten am after that shit show you both needed something. He nodded slowly and pointed to you with his glass in his hand.

"We didn't lie" you nodded to him agreeing

"Yep exactly we didn't lie... So how long before she realizes we had sex to make her?" you both laughed at that but soon stopped as you heard a very clear, very loud shout in the back garden.

"KAL THERE YOU ARE!  GUESS WHAT? MUMMY AND DADDY ARE HAVING SEX IN THE KITCHEN! WE WILL HAVE A BABY SOON!" you dropped your head to the table with a thump groaning as Henry cracked up full belly laughing.

It was eight weeks after Henry left to film batman vs superman when you took the test. You stood at the sink washing your pee covered hands you’d been so nervous you were shaking. You really wasn't sure, honestly you were hoping you was pregnant and there was nothing else more sinister going on.The thing was you had been having periods, but they were shorter and just not right, they wasn't as heavy or frequent and it really wasn't like you the odd one or two being out of wack you could take but this is just coming up for four and four on the trott being fucked up? something was up you knew your body.

You scrubbed at your hands looking at yourself in the mirror. Were your breasts different? firmer? Maybe you couldn't really tell you haven't been paying attention...If Henry were here one squeeze and he could tell right away...Fuck that sounds bad. You kept looking and rubbing the soap into your hands just trying to distract yourself. You didn't want to sneak a peak at the tests on the counter or get your hopes up,you'd done two just to be safe and had three more in the drawer.

You may have gone overboard but this was a big deal and you wanted to be certain. Once rinsing off and drying your hands you lowered the lid of the toilet and sat down letting the pregnancy test have its time. Finally looking at your phone you took a deep breath. It was time. Slowly you inched your hand to the small expensive sticks. You closed your eyes looking down and... Pregnant 3+ weeks.

You gasped stepping back sitting down on the toilet. Pregnant. You'd done it...Henry had gone eight weeks ago...so you were atleast eight weeks...nearly a whole trimester! and you hadn't even known! You moved over crouching and cried tears of joy.

Your soft cries brought Kal and Paige to the bathroom. Kal nudged your hands away placing his head on your tummy, something you now understood..It also explained  why he had been off when you walked him, your sweet loveable boy had growled at a man who accidentally bumped into you the other day, overall the Akita was more alert and stuck closer to you, you could kick yourself! You'd ignored so many signs. You couldn't stand the smell of certain foods anymore you had back ache and was always getting bouts of nausea.

Paige padded across the room to you placing her small hands on your head lifting herself to he tip toes and kissing your head.

"Its okay mummy don't cry...I miss daddy to" you sobbed louder pulling her closer,  she wrapped her tiny arms around you instantly making you calmer she rubbed your back kissing you sweetly trying to cheer you up.

"Oh baby these aren't sad tears... They are happy tears...Mummy has just...I mean we...You remember the talk we had before daddy left or work? About where babies come from?" She nodded still uncertain looking worried, you didn't blame her she very rarely sees you cry.

"Well look...Mummy just did these tests to see if there’s a baby in her tummy...And there is." She looked to the small stick

"Pree prr Parnt paranat pranet" you chuckled wiping your eyes.

"Pregnant...That’s what having a baby in my tummy means.. It means I’m pregnant" she moved inspecting the sticks then patted your leg laughing bouncing on the spot.

"SO DADDY AND YOU DID HAVE SEX IN THE KITCHEN? AND HIS TADPOLES HATCHED YOUR EGG? HE PUT A  BABY IN YOUR BELLY? REALLY? WHEN CAN IT COME OUT MUMMY I WANNA SEE IT??" You chuckled at her settling her down.

"Yes baby he did...And I'm not sure when the baby will be here but I will phone the doctor and you can come with me to take pictures of them how does that sound?" She squealed practically vibrating on the spot then stopped picking up one of the tests trying to figure out how it worked. You picked up your phone flipping it on to the camera taking a wide angle photo.

"Hold that up for a photo ready Say baby!" Paige quickly looked up holding the test in view the photo was cute Paige beside you grinning from ear to ear and Kal sat between our legs leaning gently on your tummy looking up into the lens to panting away happily.

"Right just do one thing for me baby" she nodded to you.

"Anything mummy"

"Well you know we are going to go see daddy soon? I want to keep this a a surprise  for him. So we cant tell anyone...not even Micah or Miss Bou you have to pinky promise" she nodded quickly linking fingers with you smiling. Then she began prodding the test.

"Oh no baby don't touch that bit, no quick that has pee on it!"

"EWW MUMMY YOU PEED ON IT?!" You laughed as she dropped the test like it had burned her and tried clambering up the counter to the sink. You sighed helping her up and washing her hands as she began to heave.

You moved quickly diving off the sofa to the small downstairs wash room crouching over the toilet heaving. Yes you remembered this. The morning sickness that isn't actually just in the morning. You sighed moving grabbing some toilet roll and wiping your mouth throwing it in the bowl and flushing it away.

You turned feeling eyes on you, Paige stood their with her juice bottle Kal sitting beside her wagging his tail.

"You okay mummy?" You smiled at her sitting up right nodding.

"Yes honey, the baby didn't like mummy's lunch is all" she blinked at you slowly and offered her juice to you. You smiled at her and shook your head.

"No thank you honey bun..quickly we have to leave you got our shoes on? Good girl"It had been another two weeks and you were finally getting our first scan today, Paige had be amazing, helping you around the house and remarkably she hadn't said a word...Even when you all had video chats with Henry.

But today was the day you had a slight suspicion you were around twelve weeks not ten as you had a little bump that had just started to show. Paige had pointed it out asking if there was where the baby lived and now she wont stop rubbing it and talking to it.She now spends the evenings laying near you with her head on your tummy watching tv, she said she likes listening to the baby but your unsure he can actually hear anything but it keeps her happy.

You got up taking her hand swinging it back and forth. You grabbed your bag and  made your way out to the car buckling her in it she was thrilled. It was only a short drive to the hospital and before you knew it you were in the room laying back on the bed.

You'd explained that the father was away filming so had asked for a chaperone to come in and film the scan of you and your daughter on your phone wanting to document it for him. Luckily the sonographer was an understanding woman and agreed calling a nurse to stand in the corner and film the whole thing.

"Whats that stuff mummy?" You smiled at her

"Its jelly she puts it on my tummy so we can see the baby" the woman held out the bottle to Paige to look.

"Here hold out your hand...it wont hurt you promise.....see its cold huh?" You both chuckled as she hissed at the cool gel placed on her palm and quickly wiped it off on your top.

"Paige you little monkey" you laughed and held an arm around her holding her steady as she stood on the chair beside you so she could see. The woman got the wand and moved across your stomach and pressed a button suddenly the small pumping sound of the baby's heart engulfed the room. You watched Paige’s face as she frowned looking around for the sound.

"Mummy?" You smiled smoothing her hair back.

"That’s just their heart beat...See its fast because its so small" she giggled shaking her head.

"No mummy its excited for us to see it!" The women in the room awwed at the little girls statement. 

"How far did you say you were?" You frowned looking to the screen seeing what looked like a close up of the fetus.you held your breath was something wrong, was it okay?

"Ten maybe twelve weeks... Why is there something wrong?" She hummed and pressed a button zooming out.

"No....Nothings wrong you said you and your husband were trying for a while right" you nodded rubbing Paige's arm trying to sooth yourself and her as there was a tension in the room.

"Your not twelve weeks....Or fourteen...I can tell you right now Mrs Cavill you are sixteen weeks along...Do you want to know the gender? Its right there." You gasped looking at her.

"Sixteen...Are you sure? He only left ten weeks ago....symptoms didn't start- we couldn't figure out when I was ovulating but we were still...oh." She nodded  knowingly .

"You couldn't figure it out because you was already pregnant...Some women have periods or spotting until there later months...Its completely normal I see it all the time" you nodded leaning back. Sixteen weeks. You’d been pregnant  for over three months! How could you not know!?

You were pulled out of your thoughts to Paige tapping your arm

"Mummy look a bean!" You looked the woman had moved again rolling the wand over the baby again this time slower double checking.

“Its not a bean that’s the baby look...see the arms and legs and there its head”

You could see clear as day the little heart arms and legs.Paige was quiet in awe of the screen, you'd told her she would just see a blob.

"Mummy its not just a blob like you said why?" You all chuckled at her.

"The baby has been in mummy's tummy longer than mummy thought" she smiled and bounced a little.

"So they were playing hide and seek?! Wow he's really smart" you grinned at her the sonographer spoke up again after doing a thorough check.

"Nope definitely sixteen weeks, we can't see the gender until at least sixteen weeks and I can definitely tell what it is" you looked to her smiling but deep down you were still in shock.

"I...Id like to know, Paige what do you think shall we find out if its a boy or a girl today?" She snapped her head to the sonographer gaping at her.

"We can do that??" The woman nodded

"Yes mummy I want to know!" You smiled and nodded to the woman.

"A boy, your having a son due in... Give me a second to work this out...Your baby boy should be here around... The third of November give or take a day or so" you smiled but was brought out of your daze by Paige's sniffles.

"Hey baby whats wrong? I thought you wanted a baby brother?" She hiccuped and threw herself across your chest.

"I-I do mu-mummy I-I’m just so h-happy!..I want him now mummy!" You hugged her tightly as she poked her head to the side as the woman began moving over the baby showing you and Paige their arms and legs and head again answering all of Paige’s questions. You smiled as your daughter stared in awe at the screen. She refused to let you hold the printed photos just staring at them the whole way home as if in a trance, she was completely and utterly enthralled with them.

Once at home you placed one in the baby book you and Paige had started and the other in an old photo frame and placed it beside Paige’s bed, she kissed it every morning and every night just like she did to your bump.

You sighed trying to move as fast as you could huffing and puffing trying to keep your shit together. You hated traveling well no you hated jet lag but you did what you had to do. You pushed past everyone thanking the gods that Kal was a good boy and walked on the lead nicely. Paige kept up with you pulling her own little suitcase behind her. You were onset going straight to Henry's as it was closer than the hotel trailer to drop off your things then going to see him shoot a little...Tho you were excited today was the day you told him...Showed him.

Some may have thought it was mean to keep it from him but you knew Henry...You knew he would come home for the pregnancy and put filming on hold which you wasn't going to let him do. So instead you and Paige had recorded everything doing the photos per week from sixteen.. Better late then never, you filmed all the scans and mile stones, filmed and photographed the nursery and everything Paige had done for the baby you'd documented everything for Henry to see so he wouldn't miss a thing!. It may have been to ,much for four weeks but in a way you were making up for lost time.

You sighed when you finally dropped the bags in his trailer. You and Paige were actually staying in a nearby hotel Henry was going to join you for a few weeks as he would be able to pop over to set when he was needed it wasn't that far.

"Mummy can I change into my top now?" She whined she was hot and irritable and just wanted her daddy.

"Please wait a moment Paige mummy only has two hands.... and she needs to pee..." you stopped noticing you’d snapped at the poor girl she looked at you upset

"I'm sorry baby mummy is just tired and her back hurts...Here you get it out while mummy uses the bathroom and put on your shorts you’ll be to hot in jeans" you said nodding to her case leaving her to et out her new shorts and 'super girl' t-shirt. You quickly used the bathroom and changed into your matching 'super mom' top and cropped maternity leggings then grabbed your hand bag and the huge card you’d had printed for Henry from Paige.

You and Paige found yourselves dragged across the set by Kal who had picked up his dads scent like the loyal pup he was and was marching you straight to him. You stood on the sidelines sneakily holding Paige’s cardigan over your bump hiding it.. At eighteen weeks your bump had started to grow faster as your son was gaining a little weight. You walked up to Zack the director who you’d met a on your visit to set when filming man of steel, he hugged you then pulled back as kal jumped up at him not aggressive but he just used his frame to push the other male away plopping right between you both. But Zack had felt why, he gave you a look then to Henry you knew what he w as asking you shook your head.

"No he doesn't its why I wanted to come earlier, wanted to tell...Show him and don't worry filming here stops when Im at 30 weeks so he wont be putting anything on hold" he smiled knowing Henry was going to be over the moon.

"Congratulations, he has been mentioning off offhandedly that you were trying again..." he turned to Paige.

"And you must be Miss Paige? My look at how big you’ve got?!" She stayed close to you looking at him confused

"We met before?" He chuckled

"Well no not really last time I saw your mummy you was in her belly." She scrunched up her nose then looked to you who nodded.

"Really? That was forever ago!" She said ,making you both laugh you smothered out her fringe, it had just had a trim and was already in her eyes again curling this way and that. She whined pushing your hand away fussing wanting to run to her daddy watching impatiently tapping her foot as they pulled him down from the apparatus that they used to film his flying scenes.

You flushed hormones going into overdrive as your man jumped down in his sexy tight supersuit. His ass was spot on! Definitely showed of the tight little peach you knew and loved. He looked up as Ben and Amy pointed you out to him. He yelled and waved over to you.You moved handing Paige the card and smoothed out her hair.

"Remember If daddy cries?"

"They're happy tears" you nodded enthusiastically released her and Kal who both ran to there dad full speed. You closed your eyes taking a deep breath. This was it."You okay there?" You smiled to Zack

"Nervous..I hope he isn't angry" he smiled patting your shoulder

"He wont be, go on go we are finished with him for the day" He said and pushed you forward a bit giving you the nudge you needed to move over to Henry.

Paige ran hands out to Henry who picked her up spinning her around giving her kisses Kal jumped up getting a stroke licking away at his hand and arm.

"Oh look at you baby! So big! You’ll be taller then mummy soon!" He chuckled throwing her in the air and settled her on his hip.

"Look daddy! Look we match!" He smiled kissing the top of her head.

"Yes I can see that! But I thought you liked batman now?"  He said twisting so Ben and Amy could see her they waved at her making her blush

"Yes I was looking forward to meeting a little batgirl?" She blushed harder going shy tucking her face in his neck as Ben spoke to her.

"Sorry Mr batman Mummy made me! So we could all match!" He laughed waving her off.

"Its fine kid I forgive you." Henry smiled at Ben he had told him all about how Paige was a batman fangirl and to be prepared. Amy was next to speak up.

"Oh sweety look at you! So cute!" She tilted her head at the woman

"Did you see me in my mummy’s tummy to?" She smiled nodding

"Yes I did! You know your daddy showed everyone the picture of you from inside your mummy’s belly! And this time he has been showing off your pictures from his phone when you were planting all your veggies!" She looked to Henry sighing

"Daadddyyy! Not pictures! Nooo!" He scoffed at her throwing her up and holding her above him with one hand making her scream.

"Yes pictures have to show off my cute little lady now don't I? everyone has said that you are the cutest nugget they've ever seen!" She whined covering her face with the massive envelope as Ben and Amy agreed Henry looked over at you confused as you made your way slowly over to them.

Paige moved making grabby hands to 'batman' who took her quickly.

"OH wait..Here daddy this is- I did it for you!" She leaned over passing Henry the card, he frowned and opened it slowly it was just a plain card from moon pig with Paige’s drawings printed on it.

Then he smiled looking up to you as you stopped next to him as he opened it causing the small gift to fall out, Amy and Ben looked and quickly snapped their gazes to you now noticing that your stomach was covertly covered. The reason why you had gotten such a huge card was to hid a gift inside. A tiny superman babygrow you’d had made saying super boy coming November 3rd.

He frowned looking down picking up the tiny garment and read it, you saw him freeze then snap his head to the inside of the card doing a double take there was a blown up ultrasound photo inside you watched him as he quickly flicked his eyes to the other side reading the message.

To daddy

You did it! After you left mummy got sick so went to the doctors and she has my baby brother in her belly...He was here when you went away but was playing hide and seek so we didn't know he was there. He is eighteen weeks old and the size of a artichoke! That’s really big! And he will be here for Christmas! See!

Lots of love Paige and Kal!’

He looked up at you holding the tiny babygrow shaking his head trying to catch up. You could see him trembling with excitement and disbelief reading and rereading the message, you were pregnant?  And it was a boy, he was having a son.

"What? We-were not? Are we? But how?" Paige nodded wriggling from Ben who almost dropped her, she ran to her daddy pulling his arm to see the card.

"Yes daddy you putted my baby brother in her tummy! Good job! He's getting big now see!...Mummy show him your tummy!" By Paige’s outburst you felt all eyes on you as you moved your carefully placed bag and Paige's cardigan to reveal the bump.

"Surprise?" He dropped the card running both hands threw his hair laughing speechless his shoulders trembling.

"You?! And oh my god really?" You blinked at him motioning to your stomach

"What?!...No babe I wearing a fat suit! Of course I’m pregnant! Fucking Idiot!" He launched him self at you hands smoothing your tummy.

"Really really? A boy? We're having a boy when? How? I thought that we? " he swallowed dryly as tears streamed down his face and he just kept circling his hands across your bump almost as if it would disappear. You nodded.

"Its why we couldn't time things...I was already pregnant, he is healthy and kicking he's due the third of November, and don't worry we have videos and photos of everything...And Paige has been making a baby book and telling him all about you...I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I didn't find out until I was fourteen weeks.. It took two weeks to get the first scan and Paige and I were told the gender then he was sixteen weeks! That was two weeks ago its why I wanted to rush out here and see you, but preschool wouldn't give Paige the time off and I had to have a doctors note and- and I'm so sorry I didn't tell you please don't be mad?." You finished breaking down crying he was quick to wrap himself around you.

"Hey whats wrong? Shh shh come here hey its okay I'm not mad" you sniffled as he tucked his face down to yours moving one hand from your stomach to wipe your tears away kissing your cheek.

"Y-you not?" He shook his head pressing his forehead against you.

"No of course not, you didn't know and when you found out you got here as soon as you could...You wanted to tell me in person and surprise me how can I be mad at that sweetheart?" He moved forward hugging you tightly kissing neck Paige moved between you pushing at him.

"No not to tight you'll hurt him! Daddy no!" He chuckled picking her up as she beat at his side and smooshed all three of you together. He rocked you from side to side and pulled back.

"I love you... My special girls" he moved his hand down to the swell of your bulge.

"And my little man" he lowered down pressing a kiss to where the baby laid you twitched as you felt them shift you sniffled again wiping the stray tears from your face.

"H-he knows your there he just moved" he smiled resting his head on your tummy Paige joined in pressing an ear to it and you smiled down at them. Nothing could describe the feeling of that moment even Kal ran up and leaned on your leg guarding his family. You all froze when you heard a smartphone camera go off you blinked at Amy who'd nabbed Henry's phone capturing he moment and waved it in the air.

[hyanikaa]

Chapter 1 • The Secret is Out

So I created an AU where Memey’s cookie monster suit/onesie is possessed by a demon.

My friend Carrot helped me with this fic, go give them a like and follow on IG

WARNING//(Gore, Violence)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

——

Blaza ruffles out of the crowd that gathered around Laff and Socks and noticed Memey panicking. He walked over to the blue man and grabbed a chair to sit on. “Memey, what happened?” Blaza said, his voice dead serious, it’s wasnt like Blaza to be dead serious about things, so his voice sent chills into Memey’s spine. “I don’t know..” He stiffened, “I actually don’t know- I was just here in Medbay, working..” he trailed off, voice shaking “I don’t remember eating them..” he choked a quiet sob. “How could you not remember such a... vital time stamp?” Blaza asked, still holding a dead serious tone. There was a slight quiver in it as Blaza started to lose his composure after glancing at the clueless Laff. “I-I’m not sure, one moment I’m in the Medbay and the next I’m-“ Memey cut off his sentence. He couldn’t finish it.

“Oh my god, oh my god-“ Socks held onto everything around him for dear life, like the world was about to tumble down around him. He whimpered at the digging pain in his stomach but still sat in the same position, his eyes wide and cautious. “Woah, woah, calm down S-“ Dino started, reaching their hand to Socks only to have it smacked away. “...no, no, I’m sorry, I just...” Socks’ chest rose and fell quickly like a guinea pig sitting still in fear. “What’s bothering you?” Dino asked quietly, not wanting to draw attention from the crowd. Socks did not respond in words, instead he let out sob, holding onto his arm as he remembered the pain that struck him when it got ripped off. “Im sorry.” He let out, hugging himself.

 Nadwe burst into the room, holding onto the door frame for support as he caught his breath. Socks let out a loud yelp from the noise before calming down and hugging himself again. “Oh... my god...” Nadwe breathed out, letting out a final long breath before standing up straight. “I’m so sorry I’m late. The doors to electrical and storage shut.” He immediately read the room and looked towards Blaza for help. “...it’s not good. Me and Dino walked up on... Memey. Uhm...” Blaza stuttered, trying to keep it down. “Memey was... eating Laff and Socks... Laff doesn’t remember but...” Blaza glanced over at Socks. “Socks clearly does. Memey doesn’t remember either. Once their bodies have fully regenerated we have to discuss this.” Nadwe absorbed the words and quickly stiffened. Blaza swore you could hear the gears turning in his head. “...I’ll go talk to Laff. You guys sort things out.. yeah...” Nadwe trailed off before tipping both of his hats as a goodbye and walking towards Laff’s medbay bed.

 Nadwe sat down beside Laff, “How are you holding up?” He asked. “I dunno mate, I was just walkin down to electric an then I woke up here.” Laff replied, looking around the room then at Nadwe then his hands. “Nadwe...” Laff started, “Hm?” “Is it normal, to feel agonizing pain like you’re bein’ eaten, even if you’re not?” He asked, looking at Nadwe with desperate eyes that wanted answers. His eyes widened at his question, holding his hand up his mouth, he knows what Laff meant, Blaza told him what has happened. But he felt guilt clawing at him for not telling the whole picture. He just sat there, lowering his hand, “I don’t know Laff...”

 “Socks, calm down!” Dino said, almost a hint of begging in his tone. “Please, please! Socks...” Dino almost started to cry themselves. Seeing Socks in the shocked state hurt Dino’s heart on a level that couldn’t be described. Socks closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to forget the gnawing sensation in his arm. “I-I’m sorry, Dino. It’s just.. a lot.” Dino nodded and quickly placed their hands on the sheets of the bed, eyeing the wound before opening their mouth to talk. “After you and Laff have recovered, i think we still have to... discuss it in the cafeteria. Are you going to be okay...?” Socks sat straighter, contemplating in his mind of the scenes that could play out. “I-I should be okay. It’s fine, I’ll be fine. I just...” Socks looked down on his bandages hands. “Can’t look at him right now.”

    Days passed and the two were now physically healed, though that incident left them psychologically scarred, not just them, but also to Blaza and the others that saw the incident first hand. It terrified them, was that really Memey? What happened? These questions and many more invade their thoughts like wildfires. But those questions will now be answered, right? Memey will explain what that thing was, right?

 They all gathered around the table in Cafeteria. Socks was with TBH who was supporting him, was his leg injured? surely not. Laff was already in Cafe before the others could arrive, how did he get there without supervision? Once a everyone was there, silence filled the room, it was deafening. Why did no one wanted to talk? Why were they so silent—

Blaza cleared his throat, breaking the silence. It wasnt like him to start the discussion, it wasnt like him to be serious and not even break a smile. He didnt. “So, I think we all know why we’re here.” He stated. Everyone turned their gaze to Memey except for Socks, who looked down at the cafeteria floor. “Memey...” Oompa asked, the eye on his head turned towards him in curiosity. Oompa had been in Navigation and hadn’t heard of the attack until much later. Memey sighed and looked across the table to Socks, who didn’t look up. “I-“ Memey started, feeling a lump in his throat. “I’m... not sure what happened...” he gulped as the pressure tensed. He took a moment to think. “You’re not sure what happened...” came a small voice. Socks looked up and slammed his fists on the table, shaking a few of the old drinks over. “YOU’RE NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED.” Socks let out a crazed laugh before standing up. “You almost KILLED ME. YOU almost ATE ME. SCRATCH THAT, YOU DID EAT ME. IF BLAZA AND DINO HADN’T COME, LAFF AND I WOULDN’T BE HERE RIGHT NOW. AND ALL YOI HAVE TO SAY IS YOU’RE NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED.”

 Memey’s face paled at Socks’ statement, he’s right, he did eat them, he did. But why can’t he remember? Why can’t he remember meeting Socks in the hallway between Storage and Lower Engine? Why does his head hurt when he tries to remember? Why does everything hurt— Memey block his ears with his hands, pain clawing and screaming in his head, he shrank down from the meeting as he submerged himself into his thoughts. His eyes started watering as the pain get more and more out of hand. “Shut up...” He quietly said. Socks watched as Memey covered his ears, shaking and shrinking to the table. Memey muttered something. “What?” Laff asked, trying to pull Socks back into the seat. “SHUT UP!!” Memey screamed, still covering his ears. He looked desperately at the people around him, pressing his hands tighter as the voices screamed louder with each look of dismay. He let go of one hand and wiped the tears pouring from his eyes, hearing a tight, high pitched note as the voices screamed into the ear. He quickly escaped the cafeteria, making his way to the left side of the ship and hiding in the corner of reactor.

  “The hell of a discussion that was,” Oompa said, getting up and slightly looking at the red button in the middle of the table. “I’ll go find Memey. You guys...” he looked at Socks, who started taking in more shaky breaths. “You guys calm down Socks.” Memey crouched down behind the engine on the top part of the ship, he’s tired, he’s drained from the joyful tone he always had. “What wrong?” It asked, “Oh so now you’re here?!...” Memey hissed at it, it stayed quiet for a bit, “Was not cookie?..” he snapped. “OH SO THAT WAS YOUR DOING?!” Memey said, totally enraged by the thing, “I TOLD YOU I WAS GONNA GET YOUR COOKIES AFTER I REST- BUT YOU DIDNT LITSEN- YOU STILL WENT OUT TO LOOK FOR ONE, AND NOW LOOK AT MY SITUATION!!!” He vented out, calling the demon hurtful things, it felt guilty for not waiting, it dragged it’s host into a situation that could have been avoided.

 “Memey? Was that you?..” Oompa called from the hallway. Peeking from the front of the engine, his eyes widened as he backed away, “You’re not MemeGod...” he quietly said as slowly went to grab his gun. “Cookie?...”

——

Socks huffed as he felt his confidence dwindle and his strength deplete. He dropped down into his seat and wiped his eyes, anger pushing more tears down his face. “Socks...” Laff started, placing a comforting hand on his arm. “It’s so stupid. It’s all so stupid,” Socks whimpered. “God, It’s all so DUMB. It’s just so...” Socks let out another sob, covering his face with both hands. “After all the pain of being ripped apart, eaten alive, all Memey has to say is... I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?” Laff looked towards Blaza for words. “Socks, you know that wasn’t him. He couldn’t have done it purposefully. He wouldn’t. You and I both know that.” Blaza finally gave a small grin. “You and I both know the stupid FatMemeGod. He wouldn’t do that.” Socks listened and didn’t respond. He knew this was one of the rare times that Blaza was right. Memey would never do that.

“But...” Socks started. “If that wasn’t Memey...”

 “Then who was it...?”

“NO STOP-“ a scream was heard from upper engine, they all looked at eachother, worry plastered all over their faces, they got up from theirs and bolted towards the origin of the noise.

 They weren’t prepared, they weren’t prepared to see this. Oompa was knocked out, head bleeding. And beside him was Memey, or was it actually Memey?...

 He was screaming, he was rejecting and refusing, he was jerking and kicking himself, pulling the hood of his onesie away from his face. Why is he pulling it away? “LET GO!-“ Memey painfully screamed as the demon took over its host, the hood closing shut. It stood up from the cold ground he was sitting on and shook off the blood on its hands. Memey? seemed taller, this isnt him. Who is it? Why was Memey refusing? Why was he screaming.

 The tall figure spoke, “Memey friend?...” (help me). The two voices overlapped, but it was clear the two said different things.

 “Oompa!!” Blaza yelled, running over to the bleeding figure on the floor. “BLAZA!!” Nadwe yelled as the creature took a step towards the two. Nadwe rammed himself into the creature and watched as the originally derpy eyes turned sinister and creeper. However, this creature had double— no, triple— the strength of Memey. It quickly overtook Nadwe and slammed him onto the ground, leaving him pushing the wrists upwards and the creature  snapping its jaws at his head. Socks quickly pulled Memey off of Nadwe, helping him up. The creature roared in frustration. The space that held Oompa and Blaza was empty. They’d escaped, but the ship was only so big. It all happened in slow motion. Nadwe swung Socks around and switched positions with him, tanking a large crunch down on his right shoulder blade. “AHH!!” Nadwe yelled as a loud crack was heard from the bone splitting under the pressure. His hats dropped to the floor as he tried to escape the monster’s grasp. "You hurt Memey..." It said, it's voice rough from underuse. "Why did you hurt Memey?!" it grip tightens on Nadwe as it screeched multiple questions at the two. Socks ran into Medbay and grabbed a fire extinguisher, he rushed back into the area, screaming his anger as he slammed the extinguisher into the tall figure's head. Knocking it unconscious. Nadwe let out a weak noise on the floor choking for air as the blood form his shoulder began to pool. The mouth of the monster cranked open, exposing an unconscious Memey inside with a bleeding head. Socks huffed a bit to catch his breath, setting down the fire extinguisher. Tbh didn’t hesitate and picked up Nadwe, setting him on his back. He lifted Memey up as well and quickly darted towards medbay. To his surprise, Blaza and Oompa were nowhere in sight. “Socks,” Tbh called, quickly looking back into the room. “Go look for Blaza and Oompa. Where’s Laff, that kid??” Socks darted down the halls as Tbh set down Nadwe and Memey. He quickly pulled out a roll of bandages and tried his best to wrap the bandage around Memey’s head, moving aside the hood with surprising ease. Seems like the onesie also wants Memey healed as well. Tbh turned his attention to Nadwe’s shattered shoulder. Socks eventually found Blaza and Oompa in Admin. Socks peeked from the door, “There you guys are..” Socks huffed, relieved they weren’t that injured. “How’s Oompa?..” “Not good..” he replied, putting his hand onto Oompa’s neck to find a pulse. “Is he still breathing?...” Socks worriedly asked, “...” “What?..” “I can’t feel any pulse..” “oh god...”

Socks rushed towards the two, he’s desperate, he’s not used to experiencing any violence first hand, he’s scared, he doesn’t want to experience a death of friend first hand. But he did. Oompa laid limp on the floor where Blaza placed him, there was no sign of life, he died..

——

The two went back to Medbay, when the scanner started beeping, creating high pitched sounds that hurt TBH’s and Nadwe’s hearing. Nadwe leaned up from the bed, moving carefully trying not to disturb TBH who was patching his wounds. “What-“ he was cut off as a loud choked scream was heard as the scanner stopped screeching.

 Oompa dropped to the ground, coughing up air as he suddenly regains his life. “A-alive... holy crap... I’m alive...” Oompa gasped, clutching his heart as a fin reminder that his life lives on. Socks tackled Oompa in a hug, slurring words together as worry and relief washed over the two of them. “Im so surprised!! I thought you’d died!!” Socks yelled, hugging Oompa tightly. “You and me both...” Oompa hugged back and looked up at Blaza, who let out a sigh of relief. Oompa patted his heart twice and a thumbs up, reassuring Blaza from afar that he was okay. Oompa coughed and spat more blood. “Shoot... the medbay scan doesn’t quite heal large wounds...” Oompa said, his grip getting loose as blood continued to pour down his head. Socks quickly helped Oompa to a bed and took another roll of bandages, beginning to wrap it slowly around the wound. Nadwe sighed in relief as Tbh finally finished putting his shoulder blade back in place. “Nadwe, you’re so stupid,” Socks said, sitting down and pouting.

“What...happened?..” Memey said as he sat up from the bed, he flinched at the burning pain that scattered around his body. Looks like him kicking and banging himself into the ground and walls did a toll on him. “Glad your awake MemeGod.” “That is so unlike you to be nice Oompa- ow-“ his head still hurts.

 “Mind telling us what happened back there?” Blaza asked.

[writing-is-thorapy]

Dead-ception: Ramblings of an Exhausted Writer

”One night, I was very tired but not quite ready to go to sleep. I thought, “what if I reread Dead-ception and published my commentary here?” So that’s what this is. If you want actual, legit meta-commentary, that’s coming after the work is fully published 😉

We’re going to try this out with Chapter 1.

I recorded my thoughts while I read the chapter and have transcribed them (all of them) here. Whenever the section I was discussing was unclear, I have clarified with a parenthetical side note or quotation. 

Hope you enjoy! 

Transcript: 

Hey this is Victoria, AKA Writing_is_THORapy, and I’m gonna be reading my fic “Carry You Home,” AKA the Dead-ception AU. Um, I’m not gonna be reading it aloud, I’m just gonna be reacting aloud, and I apologize for my voice *loud sniffle* and the occasional sniffles because my allergies are acting up. Isn’t that fun? So... yeah let’s get started!

(After first section that ends with, “He had no idea it would go so wrong.”) I remember when I wrote that first part, that first section. God, I had no idea this was gonna turn out to be such a big thing. 

Damn, I kill Anakin so fast. He dies within like the first 200 words. *Laughs* Anakin’s my favorite character and he’s like... not in this. At all. 

(”He wrenches Rako Hardeen’s mask off...”) When I referenced Rako Hardeen’s mask, I didn’t remember whether he actually had a mask or not and just made up that he did but he ACTUALLY DOES so I’m proud of myself. 

(“Obi-Wan ignites his lightsaber, the blade going straight through Hardeen’s chest.”) Yeah kill ‘im, Obi!

(“Ahsoka’s lithe body...”) I use “lithe” a lot to describe Ahsoka. Like, it fits, but still...

I like that I included the detail that Anakin’s sightless blue eyes gaze upwards at the STARS. Good job, me!

Oof I love these last two lines: “For the first time in his life, Obi-Wan wished he was dead./Maybe then Anakin would still be alive.” Oof, that impact. Good job. 

I’m sorry I’m gonna be patting myself on the back a lot during this. Mainly because I’m surprised... that this is so good. *Long pause* Y’know? Haha

I like that I included Rex’s POV because, like, a lot of times I feel like with deathfics, the few deathfics that I’ve seen like, actually cover the aftermath of a death, ‘cuz I feel like a lot of times it’s just the build-up and the death itself but not a lot of aftermath, which is partially why I wrote this. Um, I feel like with ones regarding Anakin, they don’t... really cover Rex. And I mean like... I really—I really like the friendship between Rex and Anakin. I think it’s a really cool thing, and... I definitely think it’s under-appreciated, so... Rex and Anakin rights. 

(“...on the Permacrete.”) I had to look up what concrete was called in Star Wars. It’s “permacrete.”

Ohhhhh “Rex is the one who was made to die./Not his [Jedi]” except I wrote the, um, Mandalorian term but I’m not gonna try and say it ‘cuz I know I’ll butcher it. 

Oh my God do you know what I just realized??? So, um, I wrote here “Something clicks.” You know what else clicks? A GUN. Or a BLASTER. Parallels! Yeah! I know, I know that’s a stretch, but. I’ll take what I can get. 

I gotta say figuring out the logistics of this next part when the 501st arrives and gives Anakin this send-off was harder than you might think. ‘Cuz I had t—part of my writing process involves me ruthlessly poking holes in all my plot points and everything that I make happen so that I make this as airtight as possible. Um, so... finding the rationale for Rex to call the 501st over instead of like, going back and telling them... it wasn’t easy. 

Oh no! It says that “he thanks the Fox.” No! Typo! I’m gonna go fix that in the doc. And maybe I’ll fix it in the real fic later, but... I don’t feel like it right now. *Opens Google Docs on my phone* Where is chapter one? Chapter ooone? Chapter one! 

Now you’re all gonna know about my mistake. Please don’t go and find it. (SIDENOTE: You can’t because I fixed it!) You’re gonna go and find it, aren’t you? Please don’t. It’s gonna bug me enough.

Ok, let us continue. 

(Referencing Anakin’s send-off) I also had to look up a loooot about military formations and procedures, specifically regarding those, like, honoring the dead. It was interesting research. 

“It’s our turn to carry him.” Carry you home! Yeah! Cue title! Ish!

There is an extra “z” in there. Where did that “z” come from? Let’s get rid of that random little “z!” *Goes to Google Docs and pulls up chapter one*

*Searches for the “z”* 

Oh it’s not in the doc. It’s just in here. 

*Continues reading*

And I wrote “cloth” and not “the cloth!” Come on, Victoria! I’m sorry half of this is me pointing out all of my typos. 

Ohhhhh “Each step he takes feels like an impossibility he does not deserve.” Good line! Patting myself on the back! I’m sorry this seems so egotistical! 

Oh and that’s that first chapter. Uh, well... I’m gonna go fix those typos because otherwise they are gonna bug me. 

I was really proud of coming up with the Missing Man Formation for this—I didn’t come up with it, sorry—but for finding the Missing Man Formation and using it because I really like it. I think it fits really well. 

*Goes and fixes typos*

Let’s see... Where’s the part where—oh! Found it! Typos fixed! Fantastic!

So let’s see what else do I have to say about this first chapter...

Meta and stuff about the contents of the first chapter in-depth, um... I’ve been writing out meta for each chapter and it’s no where near finished yet because I have to really go through each chapter and find all the things, but I’ve started for each, just by taking the comments I had on the side of each doc. After I fully release Dead-ception I’ll start releasing that. I don’t know how I’m going to release it, I don’t know where, but I’ll release it. So... yeah. 

Bye for now!

[angelicspaceprince]

Late

Author: Ama

Title: Late

Pairing: Beetlejuice/Reader

Character/s: Beetlejuice

Word Count: 1, 120 words

Warnings: Character/Reader death, mentions and descriptions of a dead body

Tags: @imma-fucking-nerd, @trelaney, @justballoonfishthings, @im-eating-rn

Prompt: By the time you got to the doctors the following week, it was too late. Together, you and Beetlejuice prepare for your death.

Notes: So, a prompt by @writing-ideas-inc came across my dash (found here) and I’m supposed to be getting ready for work but. Alas. I cannot. So I wrote this instead, I hope you enjoy!

Sequel to this fic

Buy Me a Coffee

Late

As promised, you went to the doctor the following week. The prognosis. Was not good. Turns out, as you were delaying each visit, you were getting sicker. And sicker. And sicker. Now, the only treatment plans available were life-extending, not curing.

You weren’t 100% sure on how you were going to tell Beej this. You thought he was going to be so pissed, and hurt that you didn’t listen to him sooner. But, instead, the demon looked defeated. “What are you going to do?” He finally asked across the dinner table, having sat in silence for ages before finally asking his question. You sigh.

“They think I will get another 5 years at least if I take the treatment.” You admit quietly. “I’ll last 18 months without it at best.” You could see Beetlejuice preparing for you to tell him you only have 18 months left with him. “I’m taking the treatment, I start Monday.”

He physically sags with relief, hair finally going from the muted green that he forces it to be whenever he’s hiding his true emotions, to the blue and purple combo that always made your heart sink.

To be fair, the treatment gave you an extra three years with Beetlejuice. You dropped everything and did everything off your bucket list, the demon in tow every step of the way. Amongst the fun and the joy, there were a lot of quiet moments where you just laid next to each other, hand in hand, talking about your death and what that would mean afterwards. You were terrified he’d up and leave you the moment you died, and even though you never told him this, he seemed to pick up on your hidden anxiety, always starting with ‘when you die, I’ll be there by your side’. He promised to show you the Neitherworld, to show you parts of the world you never thought you’d ever get to see. Small, quiet promises that made your heart grow warm.

Eventually, you had to stay in the hospital. Your house and belongings were sold and Beej never left your side, even as you lost weight and grew weaker and frail. He helped with everything except for bathing, his love only went so far. He made sure you ate and slept, crawling into bed with you to hold you close, even when your body began to burn up.

You talked. And talked. And talked. About your memories you were scared of losing, how your family would take it, even though they never seemed to have the time to visit. You spoke about what you wish you had more time to do and how you wanted something to do other than watch TV. You didn’t question the books that seemed to appear out of nowhere, instead reading them out loud so Beej could hear until your voice went hoarse.

You spoke about your relationship, how much you love him and how thankful you are for him. When he made the wise crack that he made that he was easy to love, you looked over at him with a look on your face, which made him question what the look was for. You tried to evade the question but eventually, after weeks of him bringing it up again and again, you spill the beans.

“Loving you was never easy,” You acknowledge.

“But it was fun, right?” Beetlejuice asks, raising his eyebrows.

You look at your feet, trying to hide the small smile on your lips. “Fun…. That’s one way to describe it.”

“How else would you?”

“Chaotic and dangerous and peculiar.”

“Sounds like fun to me.” You look back up at him as you share a smile. “You hurtin’?”

“No.” You lie, to be truthful, you’d been in pain for months now. You were ready to sleep. “You’ll be here?”

“Of course, babes.” His thumb brushes over your knuckles. “I’m not going anywhere.”

The two of you sit in silence for a while longer. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay warm for longer.” You finally apologise. “I wanted to.”

Beej doesn’t make a comment, but you know what he’s thinking. That you should have gone in for treatment sooner, and if you hadn’t have been so stubborn you wouldn’t be in this predicament. Frail, tired, dying. “I love you.” He finally decides to say.

“I love you most.” You squeeze his hand, your eyes feeling heavy. “Beej. I wanna sleep.”

“Then sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” He promises, already knowing that the sleep you wanted wasn’t going to end with you waking up in your natural body.

“Mmkay.” You say, voice growing weaker as the darkness begins to set in, eyelids dropping shut. “I’ll just have- have a little- a little na-”

You don’t finish your sentence.

You blink, waking up in the chair next to the hospital bed to hear sobbing. There was no more pain, you had more control of your limbs. You felt. Well. Not alive, you felt cold and there was a distinct lack of heartbeat. But you felt better than you had in years.

The moment you looked over, you see a rapidly paling version of you, eyes and mouth slightly open, unbreathing, unseeing. Dead. As much as that was a shock to you, you look over yourself to see a sobbing Beetlejuice, holding his head in his hands with his hair with wisps of blue and purple, but mostly black. You stand up in a second and leap over your body to stand next to him. “Beej? Beej love? It’s ok, I’m here, look up baby.” You beg as the demon stiffens, looking up at you. Clearly, he thought he had a bit more time.

He wipes his eyes as you move to thumb tear lines from his cheeks. “Heya babes, how do you feel?” He asks, a fake smile planted on his lips.

“Dead.” You say bluntly. “You’re so warm, Beej. I never thought you’d be warm.” His smile drops. “I’m here Beej. I may be dead. But I’m still here. And I’m not going anywhere without you…..if you’ll have me.”

You don’t have time to react before Beetlejuice has you in his arms, pulling you closer and into his lap. “No babes, you’re stuck with me. Forever now. Til exorcism do us part.” You giggle as you kiss his temple.

“So. What do I need to know about this whole…..being dead thing?” You question, moving back. “Do I get powers now?” You ask excitedly and he chuckles as you start to vibrate at all the possible things you’ll be able to do now that you’re dead.

“Hi.” He teases. “I’ll be your guide. I’ll be your G-U-I-D-E to the other side.”

[aliferous-ly]

The Setting Sun

yall. Yall. i wrote a fic im so proud of myself. This is Possibly a series, if y’all want it !! otherwise standalone /peace sign/ also, if you like a certain pairing then mention it bcos idk which pairing yet, if any, so :3c

Summary: “He... Logan wasn’t angry, at the events. He just came to a realization, like dust, sitting heavy in his lungs. If he coughed his entire life would go black and gray, and he wouldn’t be able to stop.”

AKA Logan realizes he’s not the best person to be Thomas’s Logic. So he makes a new one. 

Words: 3196

Genre: angst, some fluff. Logangst, of course

Warnings: implied character death for a moment (I promise, he does not die). deprecation, not showing all the sides in the most flattering light (like humans), disappearance.. if there’s anything else, please let me know!

writing tag: @sassy-in-glasses​, @rose-gold-roman​, @justanotherpurplebutterfly​, @echomist13​

Logan came to the realization like Roman might describe love: slowly, and then all at once.

He was increasingly perceptive of the other sides’ actions, though he wasn’t sure if this was a side effect of being Logic or if it were more... paying astute attention to their every move.

But he started noticing the little things, like when Virgil mentioned how certain long silences made him nervous and attentive to every single move.

And the word games of sarcasm that sometimes, used to, fly over his head.

But he’d gotten better.

And he’d gotten so much worse for it.

He noticed Roman’s roll of the eyes when Logan turned away, or sometimes in full view, turning to look at Thomas, get a load of this guy. He noticed the disdainful flick of his fingers, the push of his shoulders, the sneer on his lips that might disappear in moments time.

Of course he saw Patton’s strained smile, his frown at Logan’s exposition, just hold back a bit next time, bud, we don’t want any wounded feelings around here! The concerned jolt of his gaze, flipping between Virgil and Roman and Logan, uncertainty, forced delight, the simmer of it’ll all be okay, let’s just take a step back and talk about it! even though Logan knew “it” would always be feelings and not the actual issue at hand.

And Virgil’s candid nature hid such secrecy that Logan couldn’t miss the darkened expression, the gentle lean away, how Virgil would talk about how Logan disrespected him, or used to, and in the next heartbeat force Logan to shift for his means. The listen, dude, you might want to lay off a bit. Of course, Logan could do that, of course.

He couldn’t miss, then, Thomas wincing, the muscles in his face contracting into something (something) and he’d make eye contact with Roman or Virgil and they’d have that look. He couldn’t miss Thomas’s awkward stance, the way he’d shift when Logan stepped up to speak, the defense alighting in everyone’s eyes the moment Logan opened his mouth.

He... Logan wasn’t angry, at the events. He just came to a realization, like dust, sitting heavy in his lungs. If he coughed his entire life would go black and gray, and he wouldn’t be able to stop.

He couldn’t cough. He couldn’t mess up.

Logan massaged the center of his chest, staring into a shard of broken glass glittering rainbow in the light of the mindscape. Every side had one; they’re own personal escape into Thomas’s core, the centerpiece of his existence.

Too long spent in there, and they would dissolve into Thomas. And I wouldn’t want to lose you, Patton told Virgil. Please don’t go back.

Logan wouldn’t leave without a second thought. He couldn’t do that to them; Logic was a particularly important piece to discussion, and Logan knew that he... that Logic would be needed, for the pieces to fit together. For the code to run properly.

Viscous despair surged through his veins, slogging and clogging his throat and heart, and Logan knew he was no longer needed. Not as Logan. As a facet of Thomas’s personality, he’d failed, and grown too far from the center.

Logan exhaled, closing his eyes and ignoring the trails down his cheeks. Touching the cold surface, he slowly drew his fingers away, trails of electric blue and steel grey extracting from the glass. Logan pulled the essence of Logic from Thomas’s core, the very thought that had been used to make him – only, different, because Logan... Logan could not be a repeat, he could not be another stumble in the process of Thomas’s life.

He gathered synopsis, collected and connecting every (important) aspect of Logic into one humanoid figure. They were comprised of long strings like nerves, dark blue and gleaming.

One more thing. Logan took a moment, or two, to think. He couldn’t mess this part up; done incorrectly, Logan would cause the very problem he was seeking to repair.

One breath, two, and Logan tapped his index finger against his heart, wincing as he drew out a long strand of glowing silver, waving ribbon-like through the air. The world dulled a little at the edges, his connection to Thomas waning and dissolving like morning dew. He suddenly couldn’t remember what year Thomas graduated, or how long he’d studied to be an engineer.

(He remembered twenty Disney facts that Virgil and Roman had tag teamed in teaching him, he remembered Patton’s favorite tea and how much sugar he liked in his coffee, he remembered–)

Logan wove the silver through the blue, interlocking the two until he’d created a fully new being, complete with all of Logan’s capabilities and (Logan slid his fingers away from the silver) his connection to Thomas.

“You’re going to fix everything I’ve destroyed,” Logan said softly. He leaned forward, suddenly tired, rubbing at his temples. “I’m sorry for pinning you with the responsibility. But with luck, you’ll be just the right Logic for them.”

Logan cradled the blue strands shaped like a jaw, and pressed a single kiss to their forehead. “You’ll succeed where I’ve failed,” he said, as life and autonomy filled the shape of a human Logan had created. Skin stitched over blue wiring, eyes glowing the silver of Logan’s connection as they blinked open.

“You are Logic,” Logan said, exhausted and fading fast. “You know your purpose. There are others like you, but they do not know you yet.”

The new Logic stared at him, unblinking. They opened their mouth and said, “What are you?”

Logan smiled, brown eyes crinkling at the edges. “I’m nothing.”

“But you are here,” they said. “You cannot be nothing. Nothing does not exist.”

“Truly, I am,” Logan said. He reached out a hand, the skin and veins and bones disappearing, fading like a mirage. “You see? I am vanishing.”

They blinked once, then. “You are Logic.”

“No,” Logan said. He shook his head. “I was.”

His body finally got the cue, and Logan faded just like Roman had once explained love:

Slowly, and then all at once.

I was.

I am no longer.

—

Roman heard a whisper through the mindscape and looked up from his book, narrowing his eyes.

“Roman?” Patton asked, doing a jigsaw puzzle with Virgil. “What’s up?”

“I heard something,” Roman said.

Virgil snorted. “Like, a ghost? Are we haunted? Can we be haunted?” he sounded excited about the concept.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Roman said. They made faces at each other, a common “you’re irritating” that they exchanged.

“Maybe I’m the ghost, and you’re just now noticing my ghostly attributes,” Virgil said, wiggling his fingers.

“If any of us were a ghost, it’d be Logan,” Roman said, laughing. “From how often he holes himself up in his room nowadays.” He winced, then, because yikes, he forgot to watch his mouth again. He waited for Patton’s chiding be nice to Logan, Roman, that he’d always gotten with Virgil, and frowned when it didn’t come.

Virgil snorted before refocusing on the puzzle, evidently done with the conversation. Patton made a small noise of victory, slotting a piece into place. Virgil’s face softened with a smile.

Roman turned back around, leaning against the couch, brows furrowed. Something was wrong with the mindscape, something off. But if Virgil wasn’t noting anything, then it had to be solely in Roman’s realm.

Because... well, Roman couldn’t explain it, really, just a couple feelings thrown together with erratic stitching into a mismatched blanket that barely worked. But if he had to hazard a guess, something had been created, and shifted, and something – he longed to know what – added, to him, to his job.

The last part made him a little indignant because honestly, wasn’t his job hard enough? Which side decided well, this is a little much for me, Roman can take it!

Probably... well, probably Logan, but it didn’t seem logical for Logan to dump something else on Roman, not when Logan knew how stressed Roman could get, not when Logan was uncomfortably familiar with Roman’s breakdowns.

“Hey Virgil,” Roman said, throwing an arm on the back of the couch and turning to look at the table.

Virgil sighed. “What, couldn’t stand silence for more than five minutes?”

“It was three minutes and forty five seconds and I cannot, in fact, stand upon silence so no, I cannot,” Roman said, the words tumbling from his mouth before he could think. “Nerd,” he tacked on at the end, lamely and without heat.

Patton stopped moving, his and Virgil’s gaze stopping on Roman’s face, expressions twisted with confusion.

Virgil laughed uncomfortably, shifting in his chair. “You might be spending a little too much time with Logan, man.”

“I think it’s a good thing!” Patton said. “Logan can be a tough nut to crack.”

Roman frowned, because he wasn’t really, although he... he hadn’t really tried, as of late, to focus on him.

“I’m... I’m gonna go to imagination,” Roman said.

“Alright, kiddo!” Patton said. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just...” Roman searched for an excuse, half-standing, when an idea struck him. He trained his face into a cocky, pompous expression, drawing on Thomas’s ability as an actor, falling into his role easily. “I’m bored. Reading this novel has not been as stimulating as promised, and I need to fight something.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and Roman internally grinned. Ace in the hole. Patton laughed and said, “Go ahead, bud! We’re not holding you back!”

Roman stood fully, stretching and setting the book on the side table, careful not to bend any of the pages. His books were littered with dogears and highlights, but Logan’s were meticulously cared for, only the best of the best with perfect folds (favorite parts) and notes.

Roman sank out to the hallway they collectively called home, each of their rooms branching out. Patton’s, of course, was adorned with various positive imagery with the overarching pale blue theme. Virgil’s was pitch black, delicate engravings of purple, covered in Logan’s notes and Patton’s pictures and Roman’s odd stickynote varying from return my earbuds you heathen to a realistic drawing of a chicken.

He stood in front of Logan’s door, eyeing the straight white and blue lines. They really needed to paint over this, it didn’t encompass Logan at all. Roman had a few ideas... maybe he would tell Logan, while he was here.

Roman knocked. “Logan?” he called out, puffing his chest to make his voice sound bigger. “It’s time to emerge from hibernation!”

Nothing.

Roman blinked a few times. Was Logan not in his room? But then, where else would he be? “Logan? Look, I’m sorry I was going back and forth with you on the blue and pink colors, it was so much like the sleeping beauty dress that I couldn’t resist.”

A few more seconds, and Roman frowned. “Are you not in there? Hello?” He knocked a few more times, just to be sure. Maybe he had earbuds in, or something.

The door swung open, Roman’s fist poised, and everything tilted on its axis for three horrible seconds.

“Who...” Roman choked on his words, confusion-fear-bewilderment filling his veins. “Who are you?”

They didn’t move, eyes open and unblinking, a striking silver color. “I am not a who. I am a what. I am Logic.”

Something small and dark twinged in Roman’s chest and he shook his head. “No. No, you’re not. Where’s Logan?”

“At the present moment, I am uncertain.” A channel of silver lit up their cheekbones, like wires in a circuit board. “Logan did not tell me where he was going, only that he was.”

“Logan is Logic, you’re... you’re not Logic,” Roman said again, shivering. This was wrong, this was wrong. “Why are you here?”

“I am the manifestation of Thomas Foley Sanders’s Logic, intended to add reasoning to certain discussions.”

“No, Logan is,” Roman tried. They didn’t blink, which was really starting to unnerve him on a whole different level. “I don’t understand.”

They regarded him for a moment. “Very well. I will expound. Logan created me ten minutes and thirteen point three seconds ago. He used the mindscape to do so.”

Roman flinched. Logan created something. Logan created... he swallowed, throat thick.

They – Logic? – continued. “The former Logic said, ”You are Logic. You know your purpose. There are others like you, but they do not know you yet.“ When I inquired of his being, he stated, ”I am nothing.“ This is paradoxical situation, so I sought to remedy his flawed thinking. He said, ”You see? I am vanishing.“ His fingers disappeared into the air, of a way I am thus uncertain. I called him this ”Logic“, as you did, but he corrected my flawed verbiage and stated, ”No. I was.“ Soon after his statement, the rest of his body vanished. I have been standing in the room, collecting data for my success here. Evidently, the former Logic knew his job was being fulfilled incorrectly, and decided to find a solution. I was created as the solution.”

Roman couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. “What?”

“Would you like me to repeat?”

“No, no,” Roman stuttered, out. “No. No, Logan wouldn’t... how did he make you? How?”

“From the data I have obtained,” they said, still not blinking or moving, as if they were a picture on a background, “the former Logic gathered the essence of Logic into a singular being from the data of the mindscape. He inserted that being with a silver strand – of which I am uncertain of the reason – and gave the being life.”

“The silver,” Roman whispered, realization dawning in his eyes. “The silver is the connection to Thomas, you need it to be one of his sides, I’ve never heard of... transferring, or whatever he did...”

Roman fell quiet, the silence deafening to his ears. Logic hadn’t invited him into Logan’s room, though Roman wondered if Logic knew common societal practices, or if he was merely... a computer. A vessel.

A thought struck him and Roman’s spine shot ramrod straight. He stared at Logic intently, just barely stopping himself from grabbing their shoulders and shaking (just to get some movement, some life). “The golden string. What did he do with it?”

A few seconds passed as they processed this. “I am in no possession of a golden strand.”

“But where – where–” Roman stopped, took a breath, and reworded his sentence. “What did he look like before he disappeared? Did he glow, or were his eyes a different color? His veins?”

Roman counted one, two, three, four, five before Logic spoke. “The former Logic had skin much lighter than a healthy human being, being transparent and pale. His veins were not red or blue but a copper, gold color. His eyes were brown, but the irises had lines of gold within them, which steadily took over the entire iris.”

Roman lost his breath and almost fell, holding himself against the wall with one hand. “He’s... he...” Oh my god.

“Is the golden strand important to my functions?” Logic stated more than asked.

“Not... not your functions, but it’s... it’s his entire personality, his memories, his feelings,” Roman said, the words thick and heavy in his mouth.

“Very well,” they said, and asked no further questions, a silence that gave Roman a whiplash he never thought he’d feel. His curiosity, his wit...

And then it struck him.

“Oh, no, Logan,” Roman murmured, eyes wide and unblinking. Logan hadn’t left any untied odds and ends, had he? The “essence” of logic in a different being, and his extra jobs, the ones that required a personality, that required feeling, he pushed... pushed onto Roman. And, undoubtedly, part of Virgil, part of Patton... they all carried a little bit of Logan in them, now.

Roman had Logan’s scathing wit, his quick comebacks.

He didn’t want them.

“The gold,” Roman said. “When he vanished, did he have a mirror on him? A shard of glass?”

“I am uncertain.”

“And you don’t have any desire to learn? To figure it out? Wrack your brain?”

“I do not have desire,” they said so plainly that Roman wanted to cry.

“Okay, I need to... I need,” Roman gestured a bit with his hand, thoughts running a mile a minute. “Mirror mirror on the wall...” his mirror appeared in his hand moments later, gilded with gold and an intricate handle. Roman clutched it like a parched man to water. “Show me Logan.”

The mirror swirled, disney-esque to his name, before revealing a vague fog with a shimmer of gold. One moment there, gone the next, leaving just... gray.

But it was there.

Roman was certain of it.

“He’s still alive,” Roman murmured. The mirror, if it had not been made of impenetrable thought, would have cracked under the pressure of his hands. “He’s still alive.”

“The former Logic did not erase himself?” the other Logic asked.

“No, he’s still there, just his personality and thoughts and memories,” Roman said. “He didn’t erase himself. He moved himself into the mindscape. He did the sides version of moving far, far away.”

“He should have. He cannot take up space in the mindscape,” Logic said.

“His personality isn’t much space at all,” Roman said. “The mindscape is neigh endless. You know this.”

“You make a valid point. I concede,” Logic said. Roman frowned. Agreement so fast?

“But that means he’s still there,” Roman said. “He’s alive. And that means we can find him.”

“Are you certain he wishes to be found?” Logic said.

“No,” Roman said. “But I... I can’t let him just leave. I can’t. The longer he spends in the mindscape, the more he disappears... almost like growing old. I need to... He shouldn’t have left. He’s logic, he’s our logic, and I... I miss him.”

“Very well.” No fighting whatsoever.

Roman took a shuddering breath. An actual mission, with real dangers. An adventure, the romantic side of his brain whispered. Save the damsel in distress. Only, Logan had chosen to disappear into the mindscape.

But Roman couldn’t do nothing. He’d... he’d have to, at least, find him, and talk to him. It wasn’t right for Logan to up and leave without telling the others.

Then it’s decided, then?

“Okay,” Roman said. “Okay. I’m certain.” He squared his shoulders, breathing slowly. “I’m going to get him.”

Logic said nothing, stare blank and emotionless.

Goosebumps rose on Roman’s skin. “But first...” he flicked the mirror, vanishing it into the mindscape. “First, I have to tell the others.”

Logic didn’t move as Roman sunk out. Roman wondered if he’d still be standing there, hours later.

He didn’t know why Logan had left. Why Logan had committed an act so much more thorough, so much more permanent, than Virgil ducking out.

I don’t know why you left.

Roman rose in the living room, drawing Virgil and Patton’s curious gazes.

But I know one thing.

Virgil shot to his feet, entire being buzzing with energy and fear-anxiety-nervousness.

You’re not alone. You’re never alone.

Patton stood slowly, a shaky sort of realization filling his face before Roman had even said a word.

Your family is behind you.

And we’re not leaving you behind.

[maple-keenes]

the second disaster: playing dumb gets you nowhere*  *with exceptions

the first disaster | the second disaster | the third disaster | the fourth disaster | the fifth disaster

summary: on a visit to the local museum, virgil meets and attractive tour guide and manages to convince him (somehow) that he doesn’t believe that egypt is a real place. 

it gets better. 

warnings: cursing, remus, deceit

pairings: analogical and brief demus/dukeceit/the ship with no name

wc: 1587

a/n: you don’t need to have read the other fics in the series to read this one, but i’d recommend it because i spent a lot of time on them 

um, there’s a mention that patton says he doesn’t know who virgil is, which if you’re following the canon of this series wouldn’t make any sense, so let’s just assume logan described him so badly that patton didn’t recognize him. 

taglist: @analogical-chaos @ilovemygaydad @alltimevirgilant @virgiliananxiety @romanticsanders @theincediblesulk @wroammin @creativity-killed-thekitten @bitchyybabyy400 @wooflesthatwoof @lyditist @heck-im-lost @max-is-tired @demurphart @thelowlysatsuma @land-of-dragons-and-frogs @theeternalspace @magicallygrimmwiccan @weirdsthenewnormal @romansleftshoulderpad @andrewisabraveboy @satanblessi @supbitchss @diamondrush862

- 

"Why did I have to come with you?" Virgil moaned as Roman dragged him towards the local museum. "I don't need the research!" 

“Museums can be cool! Come on, I just need someone here to make snarky comments about the birds in the wildlife wing,” he pleaded. 

Virgil rolled his eyes and relented. “God, I hate you.” 

“Love you too!”

Roman dragged him all the way to the wildlife exhibit he was supposed to be studying, and several families were confused by the angry emo 24-year-old being pulled by the arm by a bubbly 25-year-old theater kid to a random exhibit in the museum. 

Virgil and Roman had been close friends since high school, where they met through the misadventures of a mutual friend, Patton, and Roman’s brother Remus. The four had drifted apart over the years, but the two of them had gone to the same college and now, three years later, Virgil was still stuck going to this stupid museum with Roman. 

As Roman diligently took notes on the exhibit he was supposed to be researching, Virgil wandered aimlessly around the Egyptian exhibit and looked at all the… old stuff. (He was never really one for history. Too many white people pillaging and colonizing and not enough sword-fighting.)

He leaned over to look into one of the glass cases, and the attendant walked over with a smile on his face. “Interested in these artifacts?” 

“Oh… they’re cool. I was just looking around, really.”

The attendant nodded, still giving him that tight-lipped why-are-you-here smile. “Okay. These are scarab beetles. They were very common in ancient Egypt, and they were worshipped back then. They were sacred animals in Egypt.”

Virgil glanced at the attendant, who seemed to be about 26 or so, and noticed that he was… was it appropriate to say that he was smoking hot? He had tattoos up and down both arms, and glasses that framed his face perfectly, and Virgil’s bisexual ass was crying for this man to keep talking to him. 

“Yeah,” Virgil said, running a finger along the edge of the case, “I used to think that wasn’t a real thing until I came here.”

His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, before blurting out, "You didn't think Egypt was a real place?" 

Virgil, who was now slightly mortified, did nothing but nod. Oh, god, this hot guy thinks I'm an idiot, he thought, still smiling at the tour guide. “I -” 

“My stars, we get some idiots here…” he mumbled, and Virgil started, a bit offended. 

“So what if I don’t think Egypt is real?” he asked, affronted. “What are you going to do about it?”

The attendant blinked once, twice, apparently at a loss for words. “I…” 

“You know what, I’m going to go now, and you can mull over that,” Virgil said and then stalked out of the exhibit, head held high with the tour guide still tripping over his words behind him. 

He strolled through the museum for a little bit longer before catching up with Roman, who was still diligently taking notes on the exhibit he was supposed to. He glanced up when Virgil approached him and shut his notebook. 

“Where were you?” Roman challenged, frustrated. “You just wandered off.” 

Virgil stuck his tongue out at him. “Sorry, dad. I was just in the Egypt exhibit; I accidentally convinced a guide that I didn’t believe in it, too.” 

“You did what now?” 

He rolled his eyes, as if this was a normal thing that Roman should have been able to comprehend. “I convinced the guide - who was ridiculously attractive, by the way - that I didn’t believe that Egypt was a real place.” 

Roman stared at him, openmouthed. “You - oh jesus, you’ve got a crush on this guy, don’t you?” 

“How’d you know it was a guy?” Virgil said, raising an eyebrow. 

“Because I know these kinds of things, Virgil. You treat girls with so much more reverence than you do guys, so this crush is a guy.” 

He pouted. “I don’t have a crush on him. I just liked messing with him.” 

Roman folded his arms across his chest. “Describe him.” 

“What?” 

“Describe him,” he repeated. “Do it.”

Virgil stared at his best friend and then sighed. “He had like, really soft brown hair that looked really nice, and round glasses, and green eyes that were almost blue, and his face looked really intelligent but sweet at the same time, and - why are you /laughing?”

“You’re so gay for him! Oh my god!” Roman doubled over with laughter. “That’s so cute, it’s baby’s first crush.” 

“They will never find your body.” 

He glared at Virgil. “You’re awful, I hope you know that. Come on, let’s go back to the Egyptian exhibit! We can still find him!”

“No, we can’t, and it’s not worth it.” Virgil shrugged. “You done?” 

“I can’t believe you’re just giving up on true love like that!” Roman cried, exasperated. Several families shushed him, very annoyed. He frowned and turned back to Virgil, who was giggling silently.  

Virgil, finally recovering from his fit of giggles, said, “I’m not giving up on true love. It’s a crush, if that.” 

“Ugh, you’re the worst,” he replied, sticking his notebook in his back pocket. “Let’s go, then.” 

Roman, who was a wise man (sometimes) knew that there was essentially no convincing Virgil now that he’d made up his mind, so they went home. 

It was the next day when the guide, who’s name was Logan, and who was 26 years old, was with his friend DC, who was quite frustrated with Logan. 

“So you’re in love with him -” 

“Felt that he was attractive,” he corrected.

“And you just let him leave!” DC threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. “Logan, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you!”

“I don’t know what you want me to do!” Logan exclaimed, pacing the room. “I just thought he was attractive and I wanted to get to know him a bit better, but he left, so, oh well.”

DC sighed loudly and glared at him. “I hate you. I hate you so much. Okay, I’m calling Patton and seeing if he knows anyone who fits that description because I’m /sick of your /bitching and I want you to see this guy again.” 

He rang up Patton, who said, “No, I’ve never heard of anyone like that. Do you mind if I try my friend Remus?”

Remus, by some strange stroke of luck, was the brother of the man who had gone to the museum with Logan’s crush, and he directed DC to his brother, Roman, who was the best friend of the man, who’s name was Virgil. 

“Virgil,” Logan said, savoring the way it rolled off his tongue. “Isn’t that such an elegant name, DC?” 

DC flipped him off as he scribbled down Virgil’s number from Roman. “Yeah, thanks, Roman. And tell your brother I said he sounds sexy.” A pause. “No? You won’t? Okay.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “You’re awful.” 

“I just got you the number of the man of your dreams,” he replied, handing it to Logan, who nodded in thanks. “But, yes, I am incorrigible. However, he did sound really sexy.” 

“I’m texting him, I can’t hear you.” 

Me 8:34 PM 

Hello! I am Logan. I was the tour guide at the museum the day you told me you didn’t believe in Egypt, and I was hoping we could meet for coffee and I could tell you all about Egypt… and myself, if you’re interested? 

And the rest was history. 

I mean, that’s not the end of the fic, I’ve still got to get us to the next disaster by the end of this one, but like, it’s written history. Recorded history. 

You get it. 

It was only five months later that Logan was nervously tapping his foot against the ground in the Egyptian exhibit, which was closed down for a special event. 

Logan had started working in the archaeology department at the museum, so he still worked there, and therefore was able to shut down the exhibit for a ‘special event’. 

Y’all aren’t dumb. You know he’s proposing. 

It had only been five months, sure, but ever since the first date Logan had known that this grumpy young man was his absolute soulmate. They complemented each other’s personalities perfectly, they were best friends, and their friend groups were now melded, meaning that the six of them were all quite close. And so Logan had Roman, Remus, Patton and DC’s blessing to propose to his emo boyfriend, and that is where we join him. 

Virgil poked his head into the exhibit, eyes widening when he saw his boyfriend down on one knee with a box in his hand. “Holy shit -” 

“Virgil, you are -” 

“Yes!” 

Logan sighed. “Can I finish?” 

“No, shut up! I’m saying yes, save the sappy crap for the wedding!” Virgil beamed and ran over to Logan, wrapping him in a tight hug. “I love you so much.” 

He smiled and hugged Virgil back. “I love you too.” 

So they were married two months later, in a lovely park with friends and family and Remus’s dog, who was the most important member of the wedding party. 

It was two years later that they adopted their son, Remy. He was only a month old when they brought him home, but he was the final addition to their family, and Logan and Virgil were happy. 

Even without the existence of Egypt. 

[ofieugogyshz]

🌻 uwu

🌻 describe what home is like for you and your f/o. (do you live together? would you like to? how do you decorate? what makes it comfortable for you both?)

I'mma allow myself a little bit of freedom with this answer, as a treat

We live together! It's been difficult to find a balance between our design... Aesthetics i guess? I have a lot of butterfly decor [or i guess they'd be pokemon in this case], we have some fairy lights on the pretty patio, a room for our trophies (Actual trophy roon) but he also uses it for a work room if he's behind on any paperwork, and we have a library of books there, organized by genre. fic and nonfic on different sides of the wall, and the space in the middle that hasn't been filled in yet has figures we like why yes my idol kids are next to some cool dragon figures, we can do both. Even though Lance winds up doing a lot of his work in here, the room manages to keep some semblance of relaxation. I have a small altar in there as well, incense and candles stored in there, as well as the unfortunate amount of tarot decks i own. (Several others have been strewn about the house, to wherever I took them, with probably seven or ten in the living room, and three or five somehow in the bedroom, leaving Lance curious as to how that always happens whenever it's time for me to round them up.)

There's another room for me to do crafting in, and a lot of my fiction actually winds up in there, as well as cosplay/craft reference books, and any art design/myth/ancient history books i might be borrowing for inspiration. And then forget to put back until he asks where it's at.

The patio is as wide as the house, the backyard unfenced as it goes into, like, idk a meadow/prairie that ends with a forest and eventually runs into the indigo league's mountainside.

It looks very domestic on the outsideand then you see the inside and you are like, "ah. Yes. They do indeed live here". My apt gets that comment a lot LOL but thats bc i have a lot of shit on display.

The living room has a gaming center for me, mostly organized by me since i'm the gamer here. Stuff like big controller accessories are hidden behind entertainment consoles' doors, along with spare cables and controllers. There's a glass coffee table in the center of the room, with navy/dark blue couches and a corner table connecting the two as they angle towards the coffee table and tv.

There is a fireplace off to the side that lacks a couch, that is not in use except during winter.

The kitchen is one that has one of those... I don't know the name for it, but a counter that connects to the kitchen? Not an island but kinda technically yes. You could technically sit and eat here. There's a dining room/table a bit behind it, sort of sandwiched between the kitchen and living room.

There's an upstairs behind the entertainment console wall, which sometimes i regret having, especially when i'm tired. But upstairs is different sort of rooms, especially one used as a supplies sort of room for various things (usually for our pokemon). One or two are guest bedrooms, though we don't always have people over; it's nice to have and if one of us doesn't want to wake the other at any point in the night, we might sleep in one of those rooms. Though one of those rooms probably got redesigned recently by lance so if silver stays over for training he can have a space that's not the couch. Apparently he deserves a proper space to sleep or something :p so more like one guest bedroom by now. I feel embarrassed just saying this but there's also probably a workout room mostly used by him and some of our pokemon. ;>>

There's also a pc/pokemon transporter somewhere around the house, mostly for me to use since i've caught a lot of Pokemon, and we like to let our Pokemon roam around freely. It's not nearly as varied or big an area as Oak's Lab is known for, but for where our house is, it gets the job done. Especially since we're not housing an innumerable amount of Pokemon.

As for the master bedroom, all i have in mind is a big canopy bed, since i've always wanted one, with plenty of room for us to sleep, especially if any Pokemon come in the middle of the night. Pika technically has her own little bed, but she usually winds up curled up on a pillow next to me, or next to my torso. The bed is super plush and the comforters are a big comfort when one of us isn't there before we fall asleep. The bed frame itself manages to look simple but ornate. We put glow in the dark stars along the canopy curtains because I saw some one day and bought them, half jokingly asking if we could put them on there, and he said yes. The canopy curtains are a dark, regal blue; the bedsheets an amalgation of ones that i've kept over the years or saw and wanted, though Lance has managed to prune the amount of blankets kept in/on the bed, since I'm bad at deciding these things myself. The pillows are a mix of shaped ones and plush ones, couple of plushes i've snuck in there while he's gone, just bc i could.

There's of course a walk-in closet, or at least one big enough that you could technically walk-in, and I told him to get a separate closet for all of his capes. He still keeps some in the bedroom. I have a separate one in the craft room for all of my costumes and fabric. You have to.

There's one of those makeup dresser things with the big mirror, a vanity? but I don't often use it for its intended purpose, aside from my minor makeup collection being stored on there. My two hanging nail polish racks are on each side of the mirror, which DOES see more use than the eyeshadows and lipsticks I have. A handful of tarot decks also sneak their way onto it, mostly bc i wanted a flat surface instead of the bed to read on, even tho i could have used the coffee table in the living room, but i wanted to read in the bedroom. There's another small, personal altar here, on a wooden table under the bedroom window, with picture frames of us, a couple of candles and incense holders, one of which is that really cool dragon one from the in-verse equivalent of Wal-Mart, a mixture of fairy and witchy [or i guess fairy, ghost, and dark type ] aesthetic knick knacks, a simple incense holder in the middle, which burns quietly, slowly, as smoke trails upwards and disappears into the bright, sunshine creeping in from the window above the table

Of course im just talking about a dream house of a sort here, since i won't get to have any irl.

Despite what sounds like a lot of space, we still manage to keep it very homey for us, with little touches of decor that remind us of the other. There's always room for two in any room if we wanted to hang out together, and a couple of places we make cozy regardless.

Our Pokemon all have a place to roam about; any that are small enough to be indoors that we're currently training or working with have their own food bowls that they share from.

The place never feels too big, even when one of us is missing the other, because of all the personal touches. All of the Pokemon that are free to wander and keep an eye on things when we're both out. Things we all have to keep busy. Work, training, hobbies, etc. It always feels like home whenever we enter. And we never fail to find each other in our house; like two magnets, we'll just know which room the other might be cooped up in.

Maybe this isn't quite what the ask was going for, but i needed the reprieve from "shitty ass 1bdrm crowded apt in vegas", so i took it and ran. Thank you.

Oh and we'd still have a landline phone, with an answering machine, and a phone in most of the rooms. But it sees less and less use since smartphones became commonplace. But we still have them, just in case.

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

[rubberduckyrye]

god im sorry if im flooding your inbox with questions but uh got anything about ur ocs theos and richard? (sorry if i've spammed you with questions i can't tell if i've actually hit the ask button or not sometimes oof)

uhm, how about your OCs richard and theos(?)

Not the same anon but could you describe theos

I’m finally getting to these, wooo!

I’m going to mostly focus on Theos here, but if you really are curious about Richard, let me know! I just. I felt bad cause I was drawing a reference of Theos but it took a while and I couldn’t really get to Richard, sorry;;

Okay, so a little bit of history for this;

These characters are two parts of a trio that I made with @celestriakle waaaay back when we were both in the NiGHTS fandom. These characters were based off of Wizeman the Wicked, the big bad final boss of “NiGHTS into Dreams” and “NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams.” If you want to watch a let’s play of the latter (as it actually has story/a narrative to it where as the first game has only game play. Older games had their stories mostly written in the little booklets that came with the games) you can watch this here. NiGHTS is like, the OG purple gremlin child and they are such a mischievous delight. The game sadly hasn’t aged well and wasn’t like, the best of games, but I still hold it fondly to my heart and I’d say it’s got some great concepts.

Anyway! If you want just a very rough summary and not watch 5 hours of a game; Wizeman the Wicked is the self-proclaimed god of Nightmare, which resides in the Dark Ocean underneath the Dream Gate. The Dream Gate allows dreamers (called “visitors” in the game) to enter their dream worlds of paradise (or, more accurately, worlds created by the reflections of their hearts) called “Nightopia.” However, Wizeman is constantly sending his creations, “Nightmarens,” to steal fragments from the hearts of visitors (these fragments being called “Ideya,” and are Courage (Red), Purity (White), Blue (Intelligence), Growth (Green), and finally, Hope (Yellow). The Ideya of Courage allows visitors to unlock their first Nightopia, and if they can gather the remaining Ideya, they can unlock new dream worlds. In these dream worlds are little creatures called “Nightopians,” which are like… fairies, I guess, to simplify things. There’s also an owl creature that doesn’t have a clear origin, and his name is…. Owl. Real creative, I know.

Another thing–SPOILERS, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE SPOILED FOR THE NIGHTS GAME, STOP READING AND WATCH THE VIDEO AND COME BACK TO THIS–that is important to note here is the Nightmaren. There are three levels of “nightmaren”; Third levels - the weakest enemies, the ones you find wandering Nightopia that get in the way/stage enemies; Second levels, which are “boss marens” and are the Nightmarens who have taken the ideya from the protagonist visitors and are keeping it hidden in their lairs, and finally, First level Nightmaren; to which there are only two. A pair of “twins,” if you want to call them that. Reala is the first of the two; he is very loyal to his “master”, Wizeman, and is considered the general of the nightmaren army. He’s portrayed as cruel and even sadistic in a way. The second first level Nightmaren? NiGHTS themselves.

NiGHTS is a renegade Nightmaren that has rebelled against Wizeman for an obscure reason. Fans love to speculate on it, but there is no real “canon” reason, only hints that NiGHTS might be more ashamed of where they come from than they’d like to let on.

Why is this important? Because it ties in to Theos, and consequently, Richard and Cyrus–Celest’s character, though I won’t talk much about him here since that’s her muse/character so go ask her about him if you’re really that curious. Either way, I’ll note here that Theos, Richard, and Cyrus are all “parts” of Wizeman. Think of Steven Universe and “fusions”, except this was created long before Steven Universe was airing. So Wizeman is a “Fusion” of these three characters--though the three “humans” that make up Wizeman are called “The Fragments.”

Anyway! Moving on.

The initial translation of the “NiGHTS into Dreams” biography for Wizeman was mistranslated, I do believe, but it suggests that Wizeman is a “Visitor with no Ideya” and among the first intelligent life form to exist in the world of dreams. Long before I even met Celest, me and an ex friend/boyfriend (don’t ask) of mine laughed at the idea, but them we started pondering the logistics of that information, and created Theos. He worked on the original story for Theos (which I can’t remember for the life of me, it’s all been scrapped though) and I made up a design.

So for reference, here is what Wizeman the Wicked looks like.

Here is what Theos used to look like. Be warned, it’s old as shit art! Wow, this art is almost ten years old, holy shit–

And this is what Theos’ current design is, plus a very sinister looking goop monster.

The first design you see on the most modern design (the more obviously human looking form) is Theos when he was alive. His eyes are actually a dark, dark brown, but they are hazed over. I forget the technical term for it, but anyway, it left him blind. This was kind of a problem, a huge problem, for Theos--because he was born during the age of Sparta.

For those of you who don’t know, Spartans were very vicious awful, and if an infant was born with a clear deformity or disability, they were doomed to be abandoned in the wilderness and left to die. Theos was born blind, and very visibly so. However, his mother had died during child birth, and her last request was that her baby live a happy life. To honor that request, Theos’ father convinced everyone that his child was a prophet of the gods, and that his blindness was due to an ability to predict the future via his dreams. He warned that the gods would strike Sparta down with vicious rage if they killed the baby boy, and that when Theos does pass on from the realm of the humans, he will report his life back to the gods. He managed to convince them that Theos was, indeed, a prophet, and he was an exception to the rule for about eight years.

However, his father had grown resentful and hateful of his son for “killing” his wife, and making his life a living hell, so he decided that he was tired of it all and threw Theos into a river, where he drowned.

Before Theos had died, he discovered the dream gate, and discovered that he was a lucid dreamer. He created a creature he named “Owl” (yes, this gives Owl an origin story) and had all five of his Ideya before he died, thus had access to all of his Nightopias.

However, when he died, he hit his head on a rock and fell unconscious just before he drowned, and a remarkable series of events occurred.

First, his mind and soul went to the world of Dreams.

Second, his lucidity started to violently lash out, as he himself was panicking and in a lot of pain, and started to change his “body.”

Third, all of his Ideya started shattering.

With the unique circumstances of his death, Theos’ soul transfered from the waking world to the dream world just before he died, sacrificing his Ideya to stabilize his form as a “creature of dreams” instead of as “a visitor.” 

From there, after the horrid traumatic experience, Theos tried to seek comfort in his nightopias--nightopias that no longer had Ideya to support them, and thus were destroyed. Devastated by the fact that the world of dreams basically rejected his being, Theos threw himself into the Dark Ocean--the Sea of Nightmare--and was engulfed in the madness below.

This is where the fourth and crucial yet remarkable event occurred. You see, the goop monster depicted in the drawing I did is called “Dream Force.” The state of it in that picture, is when it takes on the negative thoughts and feelings of visitors, thus turning it into sludge and into “nightmare” force. This is a personal creation and headcanon of mine, but I imagine that the Dark Ocean is basically made up of “negative” Dream Force--or, Nightmare Force.

Now normally, when visitors die in a similar manner like Theos, they don’t last long in the dream world. Their souls eventually lose power and fade as they finally pass on to the next life. However, Theos was the first visitor to have “tamed” the Nightmare Force through his own lucid powers, and using the Nightmare Force as energy, he was able to survive for centuries--but at a cost. Being surrounded by nightmares, horrible, violent thoughts and feelings, and all that good stuff, only fueled the hatred and despair he felt. So, Theos grows more and more angry, hateful and resentful of the human race, wanting to be rid of it. 

That’s basically his story, tbh! I don’t really know what to do with him, though me and Celest are planning a rp-to-fic thing of the Fragments, so he might just star as a NiGHTS oc. 

Sorry this took so long to get to :’D I hope that satisfies you curiosity about Theos at least. I might do Richard another time.

Anyway! Thanks for asking~

[tossertozier]

okay here is just my meta about what the losers look like as late teenagers specifically within the &tfat universe here we goes 

my height headcanons really don’t change throughout the universes. to an extent, neither do the faces really. only really richie changes drastically depending on the fic. so here are my headcanon loser HEIGHTS:

eddie : 5′ 6″ beverly : 5′ 7″ mike: 5′ 9″* stan: 5′ 9″ ben: 5′ 10″ & 1/2 bill: Actually 6′ but slouches like Nobody’s Business richard: 6′ 2″

*it’s mentioned in the book that mike is like 5′ 7″...jarringly short for what, i believe it’s in bill’s pov, was expecting. he’s thin and super tired and he says “i know how i look” i still think he’s a relatively short man as an adult, but i’m gonna take a leap and say that i think the prolonged stress hindered his growth in the canon timeline. 

okay so SunshineBoyTM Mike Hanlon i normally picture actual SunshineBoyTM John Boyega. he is too old by a few years- six or so, so i keep that in mind but...so Cute (This is really just about my crush on john) and i Love Them. i imagine mike to have the most physical muscle mass, as he is the only one of the group who does physical labor. followed by bill, because he sort of does some too. fun fact, john is also 5′ 9″

eddie i Know i’ve mentioned on this blog before but noah galvin. he smol and neat...and i love him. there are some differences. I imagine eddie as pretty damn thin, especially facially as an adult (which is a WorryTM for some of his friends) and eddie i imagine literally having the nose of a pixie...but the big eyes and haircut and happy smile is very eddie to me

for stan, i picture devin druid. this is the closest one to my exact mental image. in fact, it might just be my exact mental image. he’s the exact correct age, 19, and he literally looks...just like him, man. 

bennyBOI i love him i use emory cohen from netflix’s the OA. he’s thiccer, and has the square face that i imagine ben having. he might be a little lighter than i picture ben - emory’s weight seems to have fluctuated over the past few years. i  don’t really like the whole ben loses a ton of weight thing, i think he can be soft and still wonderful and ready to be loved. i really really fuck with adult!ben being james cordon, and i like this guy as a middle of the road mental image. his character on the oa is also just...gentle and soft, and shares a lot of mannerisms.

i would say i am Least confident in my choice for bill. i think it also has a lot to do with the character he plays on 13 reasons why. (which i really didnt enjoy but thats another post) but the character himself is both incredibly soft spoken and very bold, and it reminds me a lot of how i see bill denbrough. i imagine bill having neat, short hair, a sharp jaw line, and blue eyes, which this guy fits the bill on all three, but there’s still something off. i really don’t even know how describe it. 

okay, and we get down to richard... who i really only describe as a Muppet who is Trying His Best. i don’t always fuck with gangly!richie but i do in this fic, i think he’s very thin. honestly...i am always tempted to retreat back into the safe embrace of ben barnes - who is WAY too fucking old now, and too fucking old in the movie pictured, as well, he’s about 25 in the photos, but it is as close an image as i can get. i imagine rich with wavy hair, not curly, the length pictured below. and a big ol’ pair of glasses. again, not a huge fan of the contacts thing. i think i specifically mention richie in &tfat isn’t a big fan of them either, and only wears them at the faire. 

and you might have noticed bev has gone absent from this and that’s because the person i really picture as bev is a real life friend of mine whose picture im not gonna post all over the internet. i really cannot think of a famous woman who possesses the long red-haired yet insanely androgynous energy i really picture for bev. she does have very long hair in the fic, mentioned a few times, because of the princess thing. i don’t know if that will last. anyway, fortunately, bev is not an insecure character at this point in time in her life, and so, she doesn’t fuss with her appearance a lot. she hardly notices, and if we’re in her pov, how she looks is very rarely on her mind. and because of the rest of the losers are...well, boys, we don’t hear a lot about what she’s wearing.  

my descriptions of characters really comes from who’s point of view we’re in. you’ll hear about what richie looks like in eddie’s pov, and vice versa. the only time you’ll get a good description of bev is in ben, mayyyybe bill’s pov, but probably really only ben. 

for the most part, all of them, especially stan, have looked the same to each other for literally years, so there’s no reason for them to comment on it in their Internal Monologue, lol. what they wear isn’t particularly interesting, and it’s mentioned off-hand if at all, bill in plaid/baseball shirts, mike in tshirts and sweatshirts, ben has an affinity for knit sweaters out of work, stan in button ups, work or not, eddie the same, but with funn-er colors, bev’s style fluctuates all the time but they’re guys who don’t really notice, and richie’s outfits, if they’re interesting, i’ll normally jot down a short description. 

bev, for the record, wears a lot of baby-doll dresses and tights/leggings, mom jeans and highwaisted shorts, and cropped hoodies/sweatshirts. 

i don’t do a lot of character description because honestly it’s not how i organically consider my friends in my personal life & i think it makes stories feel more real. i’m not like “my best friend lou just walked in, wearing a green t-shirt with a gray henley under it” i’m more like “lou walked in and thank fucking god because the gossip i have to tell him is Killing me.” and also, like i said... it lets people imagine what they want to .

but tHanks anon for asking i had a lot of fun writing this long-ass post, and i hoped you enjoyed reading a little bit of it! 

[thatchoiboy]

Fanfiction Recommendations [GOT7] I

Having trouble looking for some good fanfictions? I'll try my best to put the fanfics you are looking for on this list! {the ones I listed here are the ones I've already read or currently reading} [fanfictions belongs to owners] i have a lot more than the ones i have listed here but this is only the first one. I'll do more kpop groups fic rec besides got7~ Please like or reblog if this helped you in some ways. I spent more than 8 hours doing this (and im hella tired) and typing a lot so i appreciate if you atleast like it. if there's a specific group and a specific ship you want me to do fic recs.. ask away! :D For now, enjoy~~ GOT7 [on asianfanfics] ~ 2jae -> OPERATION: LOVE by UnGodlyHours description : When a diligent agent threw his life away to pursue an "impossible" mission, he vowed to get it over with as soon as possible without any strings attached. However, his careless gambling led to an unexpected development in the agent's relationship with his target. This development seems to be the reason that's stalling the agent from completing his assignment. But he isn't even complaining. status: completed ~ markjin -> OPERATION: HATE (PREQUEL) by UnGodlyHours description : Park Jinyoung grew up lavished in wealth and luxury. Never has anyone dared laid a hand on the demanding young master. Mark Tuan grew up far away from his loving family. Never has he ever taken liking to rich spoiled brats. status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> OPERATION: US (SEQUEL) by UnGodlyHours description : Madly in love with his husband, Jaebum does everything to please him and everything to protect him. Happily in love with his husband, Youngjae would willingly give up his life for him in a heartbeat. And there's Mark and Jinyoung, the ideal of two husbands who are deeply in love with each other. status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> Daddy, Are You There? by UnGodlyHours description : A single dad. A very sassy five-year-old. And a beauty with a soft heart for kids. status : completed ~ 2jae -> Dangerous Game by chocopieyj description : Youngjae isn't a kid anymore. He doesn't play games with his friends like he used to. But there's a game; a game that he was forced to learn, a game that's not fun but is fruitful. An adults game with only one rule: Don't fall in love. Never. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> All I Want by deffsouls description : Youngjae was an observer. No, he wasn't the class weirdo looking out of place, but also wasn't anything like the person he was in love with. It would be best to describe him as a mere outsider. He couldn't even be considered a supporting character, but 'narrator' fitted him well since he never had his own story to tell, always focusing on people around him. Never himself. Had Youngjae known what would happen later, he would've remained that way. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> You can be the boss by deffsouls description : The moment his father died, Youngjae knew something was off. There was no way a boss would have let himself killed that easily, much less with no clues left behind. Completely alone with the family business to run, now it was up to him to put the pieces of the puzzle together, find the culprit and take revenge. As he goes down a deranged path, secrets from present and past start to emerge, making Youngjae start to question if everything he had been through until that day was really due to fater or merely family business. "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns in all the world, he walks into mine." status : ongoing [M] ~ JJP -> The Im Family by Jheiaa description : Stories about parents Jaebum and Jinyoung, going about their daily lives, as they figure out parenthood ft. little ball of sunshine Youngjae. status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> Red Sky by chocopieyj description : The sky was painted blue the day they met. When he realized how false that color was. How unreal was the world he was living in. Then, everything turned into a bloody red. A crimson sky shared with him. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> Thank you for being born by MBLAQloveu description : a/n status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> Love You to Death by immskx description : Everyone knows JB and JR are a "thing". Its not hard to see that. But no one knows what happens when night falls, and the door to JB and Youngjae's bedroom closes. No one knows that Youngjae's the one that takes all the stress away from JB... That's he's the one that loves JB through all his flaws. The one that follows without any question... No one knows. And it seems as if JB wants it that way. status : ongoing [M] ~ markjae/yugjae/markgyeom -> Pic Me! by Choseong description : Mark is one of the best photographer in his division he got a tip that Yugyeom was going to a love cafe. Yugyeom's interest is the pastery chef. Mark's interest is him. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> Home by purplenekochan description : Youngjae loves Jaebum and Jaebum loves him back. Youngjae knows he loves Jaebum more than Jaebum loves him and he is okay with that. Their friends think Jaebum does not love Youngjae enough, until a certain Mark Tuan came into the picture and proved everyone wrong. status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> Fallen by nairneverasi description : Youngjae is a first year student at university. Despite his tough family background, he is cheerful and lively. With his best friend who's called Yugyeom, they survived the first trimester. However, things happen to become more dangerous and exciting. Youngjae gets to know Jaebum, the handsome senior, who has a girlfriend. Apparently, the last two trimesters seem to be adventureous but risky as well. status : completed ~ markjin -> Dreams of the devil by Miyakolzumi description : When Park Jinyoung, a science freak in his second year of high school, is suddenly pulled into a different world full of supernatural creatures that attend school together, he wakes up in the bed of a handsome young man that calls himseld the devil's son and Jinyoung can't quite deal with it all. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> Rewind by belonika description : [college!AU] The struggles of sharing a dorm room with someone unaware of his cuteness and its effect on the poor roommate. status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> My Unsociable Sub by markjincupid description : They say 'opposite poles attract.' Maybe that's the reason why Jaebum, a very confident, filthy rich and straight forward guy, felt a massive pull towards the unsociable and shy employee of his company, Youngjae. Trying to be comfortable with his ever so persistent and demanding boss wasn't at all easy but can Youngjae still keep with the progress between them when he finds his gorgeous boss was a dominant? Much more when Jaebum tells him he wants him to be his submissive. Will Youngjae run away? Or will his undeniable submissiveness gave in to temptation? status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> Blood Scent|2jae by Orenji-Senpai description : His eyes, nose, and dark stained red lips. I want him to be mine but I'm afraid to bruise his pale skin. I want to show him the real me but I'm afraid he would fear me. I want to protect him but I'm afraid he would question me. I want to kiss him but I'm afraid he would reject me. What can I do to please make your scent mine? status : ongoing ~ 2jae/yugbam/markjin -> An Unexpected Happenstance by beeayypee description : No one knew that seven typically sexually frustrated and chaotic boys from all walks of like would make a messy outcome. No one knew these bunch would prosper their way through high school, together. No one knew they were desperately suffereing to fit into the society. No one. status : ongoing ~ yugbam -> We Got Married by YugBam97Lover description : The maknae couple secretly got married. And it's up to older boys to keep it a secret from the public and JYP. status : completed [M] part of "GOT7 ENGAGEMENT SERIES" ~ 2youngjae -> baby bear by choimiah description : Youngjae knows that it's abnormal, unconventional, and downright filthy. But he loves the rush of being ogled and desired and the center of anyone's universe. He can't help the thrill of stretching himself on camera and having someone thousands of miles away or even blocks away from losing themselves because he's doing everything right. Call it a guilty pleasure or secret addiction, but all Youngjae knows is that he likes being pampered and objectified and everything that comes with is. However, Youngjae isn't dim; he knows there are sickos out there wanting to do things to him even he can't get off at (and please believe, there are many things he can get off at). So when users bigpapa and sweetpeach approach him about an arrangement offline, Youngjae is rightfully hesistant. His terms are that their first meetin be in a public place with lots of people. Little could he have known he would wish that nobody were around at all because no two people have ever made him feel like such a Little before. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> Then Elope With Him!!! by got7_jae description : Jackson came up with a good idea on how Jaebum can retrieve his Youngjae from Mark. Jaebum's boyfriend had an idea too but none of it works. Thank goodness their Jinyoung-eomma knows how to cook meatball spaghetti! status : completed ~ 2jae -> Sweet As Sugar (sour as lemon) by Darthkouhai description : He's the residential "bad boy", cold glare to match his leather jackets and multiple piercings. Guys are afraid of him, girls love him. He's the heartbreaker, so there's no way he's in love-- "Hyung?" Youngjae looks over at him with a sunny grin that makes Jaebum's heart jump to his throat. Oh fuck. status : ongoing ~ markjin -> The Office Ban by KVNGMARK description : What happens when Park Jinyoung becomes the rookie of a top music company in Seoul? The CEO of this renowned company Mark Tuan- rumored to be a mysterious man, made a great first impression on the rookie. After that day, Jinyoung couldn't help but feel his heart race whenever they encountered each other. Mark took interest in the newbie after realizing the similarities he had with him. Once Jinyoung was informed of the "No Office Romance" rule, his mind eased a little until he came face to face with Mark again. The two began to fall for one another but with conflicts rising against them, mishaps were bound to happen. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> The Third Favor. 2jae edition by Wookiell description : Jaebum was a regular high school student, thinking about college and completely bored of life. He wasn't what you could call 'sociable'. Mostly because that's how his nature was and in part because his only three friends were at the other side of the world, yet he didn't really need more of them. Well you could say books were his unconditional friends. That's why he always spend all the time he got at the school's library; making himself happy with the new book he could find to read. He loved swimming across the never-ending shelfs full of books, serching for one which satisfice his curiousity and hunger for something interestiing... and maybe it was fate when one particular afternoon he found the most intriguing book he have ever seen, leading him to accidentally summon one demon as bored as Jaebum, with the same hunger for something interesting to do. status : ongoing ~ markson/2jae -> Thirst Has No Curfew by Alex-su description : Mark and Jackson hooked up a few months backand have fooled around since. Oh, and Mark's boss has been trying to get him to meet (read: date) her son. status : completed (for the markson part) ongoing (for the 2jae part) [M] ~ markjin -> How to Tame a Playboy by markenjin description : Mark Yien Tuan thinks everyone's hearts is a game he could always win and Park Jinyoung doesn't want a game he could lose so he decided to tame the player. status : completed [M] ~ markjin -> I Tamed the Playboy by marknejin description : How to Tame a Playboy sequel status : completed [M] ~ markjin -> Daddies'Day Out by markenjin description : It's not only marriage that can bind two people with full time responsibilities, it can be a two feet walking human wearing an oveersized banana jumper. status : ongoing ~ markgyeom/2jae -> Lamia by IHNFL14 description : Yugyeom is a wizard in training and everything is well until he meets a human boy named Mark. After that everything goes downhill, along with Jaebum. status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> The Boy Who Cried Murder by choimiah description : Just the word prison would send shivers racing through anyone. As it should. But, the only thing Youngjae feels is an overwhelming sense of home. Youngjae can paralyze a human in under thirty seconds just by pinching designated pressure points along the spine and throat. He knows the proper technique of handling a firearm, always intending to immobilize but never kill. He also has the ability to weaponize basically any common object if need be. Yeah, his grandfather taught him some things. And Youngjae never thought he'd have to utilize what he's learnt. That is until a certain waltzes into his life and flips his sedentary existence on its side. Jaebum, Im. Voluntary Manslaughter. Sentence: --- TBD. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> Sneezy Hyung by cily265 description : Choi Youngjae is a loud kid from the countryside who moves in next to Im Jaebum to the city. Jaebum or 'JB' is not a pervert, but when he has sexual thoughts he has a sneezong fit. It's his little 'dirty' secret, but he's not the only one that has things to hide. status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> Seven Days by cluelesspanda description : Youngjae likes Jaebum. Jaebum is known to date those who confess to him. But it only lasts a week. Youngjae knows this and yet he still wants to try. status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> Because he's mine by KpopOwl description : Jaebum is the spoiled son of a rich househi=old, his days are wasted in every single activity that is sure to piss off his awful step-father. Youngjae grew up in an orphanage and right before he turns eighteen he is illegaly adopted and then sold to a rich family he knows nothing of. They will end up save and free each other. status : ongoing [M] ~ markjaeson ft 2jae and JJP -> Take A Picture (itll last longer) by Darthkouhai description : He was in college, he was jobless, and he was broke; so what was a boy to do? The pay was good and it was anonymous, so he wasn't going to complain- and hey, he looked mighty fine in a dress. status : ongoing [M] ~ markson/yugbam/JJP -> Safety Inn by tearyxz description : Welcome to Safety Inn, where all guests are guaranteed a safe and comfortable stay. status : ongoing ~ 2youngjae -> I want to be with you by TWINpower description : Youngjae likes Jinyoung, Jinyoung likes Jaebum, and Jaebum.... well you will see xD Will their feelings change? status : ongoing ~ 2youngjae -> Trinity by Jheiaa description : Jinyoung and Jaebum finally find the person who makes their triquetra soulmate marks complete. status : ongoing (hiatus) [M] ~ 2jae -> Hold the sugar, please. You're sweet enough for me. by Jheiaa description : In which every customer has a crush on Dream Bean's sweet, oblivious sunshine barista Youngjae, Jaebum is having none of it, Yugyeom tries to teach Kunpimook about the wonderful world of latte art, Jinyoung is being a mom, the king of pick-up lines Jackson is playing matchmake and Marks is 100% done with everyone status : ongoing (hiatus) ~ 2jae -> Words That Start With P by Unnie19 description : Pain starts with P. Pleasure starts with P. And Jaebum's favourite word that leaves Youngjae's lips when he's begging "Pl-please..", Also starts with P. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> Expoloding Bonbons & Butterbeer by Retr0spect desciption : Cute Hufflepuff Choi Youngjae has a crush on the Gryffindor Quidditch team captain. status : ongoing ~ jackjaeyoung -> soft radical by choimiah description : Youngjae never thought she's spend her summer doing anything more than writing poetry inspired by her almost too vivid daydreams, binge-watching entire dramas until she start sleeptalking horribly greasy pick-up lines, and sketching on her bedroom walls; but her sleepy, overcast summer takes an exciting derailment when a new boy moves in across the street who apparently likes to throw quiet ragers of one late at night and frustrate Youngjae to the point where she ventures out of her safe bubble and into his strange, little world. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> The No. 1 Fan by got7_jae description : Im Jaebum and Park Jinyoung meets JJ Project's one and only no. 1 fan: Choi Youngjae. status : completed ~ 2jae/markjin/jackbam -> All the things he said by TWINpower description : Youngjae, Mark and Bambam were adopted by a pervert when they were really young. When they finished a proper age the man started to use them sexually and after some time they got use to it. Now they can't even live a day without sex, they all have a mental problem called satyriasis. status : ongoing [M] ~ markjae -> 9,606 Kilometers by _acee_ description : Ever since Choi Youngjae was born, he has a watch on his left wrist that cannot be removed. 9606, it read. A little did he knew that it as the total distance between him and his fated soulmate. Everytime the numbers would decrease, his heart would lit up with joy and wished that it would decrease more. He longed to see his fated soulmate even though they're 9,606 kilometers apart. status : completed ~ 2jae -> Just stay by cant_stop_kpop description : This is a romantic comedy about got7, specifically 2jae. status : completed ~ JJP/yugjin/jackbam/markjae -> OMG! (Oh My Girl) by silverpixie120 description : The unpopular Jinyoung, Youngjae, and Bambam were cross-dressing for School Festival. They weren't aware that it attracted the popular Mark, Jaebum, Jackson, and Yugyeom. And slowly brought them further to something they never thought of before. status : ongoing ~ 2youngjae -> Three's A Company by Darthkouhai description : Between Jaebum's hand tugging at his hair and Jinyoung's fingers digging into his hips, Youngjae can't move, stuck at the mercy of his two hyungs. Neither of them want to let up, seeming to move rougher with every need noise Youngjae let's out. He wouldn't- couldn't complain. Not when it felt so good, not when he wanted more. status : completed [M] ~ 2jae/markbum/JJP -> You're Mine (넌 내꺼야) by Bluetick description : Jaebum received hundred of letter from nameless person with the same content - You're Mine -. He tried to ignore until one day when things are getting out of hand. status : completed ~ markjin -> Hyungdo Massacre by markenjin description : Mark Tuan, a young gifted detective, tries to solve the mysterious unsolved case that happened 10 years ago which murdered 12 families in their compound including his family. Finding the murderer and his beloved best friend, Jinyoung, who was actually the 'lost boy' in the said incident were his ultimate motive in solving the case. status : completed [M] ~ 2youngjae -> There's Room Enough For Three by Darthkouhai description : It's a pleasant (albeit unexpected) surprise when Jaebum comes back to his dorm the next day to a bright smile (was it shining? Probably) and an even brighter greeting. His roommate was in the process of moving a few boxes into the vacant room when Jaebum opened the door, so at first Jaebum only sees the back of his body. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all? status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> the boy who lost his phone by KwangYoungShipper description : *BAM* "Ah-Mianhae!" Youngjae bowed as quickly to the person he bumped into and ran out of the library "I'm so late, Jin's going to kill me" Jaebum blinked as the stranger ran away in such a rush and stared at the floor, seeing an iPhone just laying there. status : completed ~ JJP/markbum -> Connection by itspoppynada description : Mark is a new pediatrician who works for his family hospital. He meets Jaebum when he is treating his son, and their first meeting is not very pleasant. But since then, Mark has been sensing a weird presence of a gentle-looking guy, which is not seen by anyone else. Later he finds out that the guy has something to do with Jaebum and his son, which lead him to start to care for the family. status : ongoing ~ JJP/markson -> mission log : unit seven description : 003. there's not really much of a question about it- jinyoung would die to save any other member of unit 7. the discovery that they would do the same for him shouldn't set him om edge this much, except it does, but figuring that out isn't high on his list of priorities right now. unfortunately for him though, someone tries to change that. status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> Netflix & Chill? by aka-jongups description : In which Jaebum invited Youngjae over for a simple movie night. But something else happens while the younger visits his classmate, who laso happends to be the guy he likes. status : completed ~ 2jae/markson -> The Compelling Adventures of Thot7 by darkalley description : Youngjae blames Jackson and jinyoung for getting him in this shit entirely. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> 62 Detour Lane by yoshiwoo description : It was all supposed to be a small road trip. Until you took a slight detour. "If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cutecumber." "I hate you." status : ongoing ~ markjin -> A Demon's Mind Games by Mudalion description : A large amount of people are cursed one night by an unkwonw figure. A curse they cannot control. It comes to life at the worst of times and changes them. They became desperate to get rid of their hunger; hunger that can only be relieved througgh sexual acts. They'll do anything to feed themselves, even if it's the forcing of the willing. status : ongoing [M] ~ 2jae -> Macchiato Days by choimiah description : Youngjae came in one morning and found this guy sleeping under a table. status : completed ~ 2jae -> Anonymous by sweetdeadlybackup description : Youngjae is crushing hard on a certain football player named Jaebum. One day, love notes start appearing in Youngjae's locker, whoever could be leaving the notes? status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> My Teddy Bear by exofanficss description : JB was jealous, his teddy bear wasn't giving him his full attention. status : ongoing ~ 2jae -> The Bully's Playlist by got7_jae description : Jaebum just wanted know Youngjae's name. Youngjae wouldn't be playing hard to get if it wasn't Jaebum asking, the mighty Im Jaebum. status : completed ~ markjin -> Elemental Heirs by markjincupid description : Seven boys found themselves tangles in an ancient legend leading them in a dangerous pursuit of long forgotten justice for thier race. Seven boys who have discovered the meaning of both friendship and love among the chaos of fighting for revenge and survival. status : completed [M] ~ 2jae -> The Big Crush Theory. 2jae edition! by Wookiell description : Choi Youngjae is what you could call a 'nerd', but he's not the typical, shy nerd. He's the perfect mix between Sheldon Cooper's mind and a sarcastuc, sharp and strong personality. But there's something Youngjae and the typical nerd share: a bully So, what happens when Youngjae finds out that his bully and archi-enemy suddenly became his step-brother? Well, a long year had passed since that day... Why don't we see how thing are for Youngjae now? status : completed