#im so tired if constantly wondering if i actually mean anything to someone

[kaeko]

Bàaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

[moonlit-dreamers]

hot take but i dont think sun is suicidal

i dont think hes the one with the worst mental health in this show either

besides eclipse (bc thats obvious), id say solar has the worst mental health

hes already killed 2 ppl (didnt want to kill either of them and one was on accident), is insecure about his own identity (asked computer if hes like the other eclipses, and i also bet montys... "teasing" didnt help), has no hobbies of his own, refuses to actually acknowledge his own issues, doesnt communicate to ppl and tries to "not be a bother" to others, never does anything for himself and only ever does when someone tells him to, and probably more.

but i'll analyze solar and his shit mental health later; i wanna ramble about sun

i dont think sun has ever been actively suicidal, mainly passive. in case ur wondering wut the difference is:

being passively suicidal is having thoughts and "wishes" but never actually planning to do anything. a lot of ppl will think "i wish i was dead" when in reality wut they need is a break and they have no real desire to die (this is a common thought process to have when ur burnt out or generally in a mental rut)

being actively suicidal is actually planning to do something and seeking out ways to harm urself with the intent of being severely injured or dying. this is an immediate emergency

sun never went out in search of ways to die. he never planned out ways he could kill himself. the time we heard him say "i wish i was dead" was right after he hallucinated bloodmoon and old moon taunting him. he was tired and he needed a fucking break, so he expressed that through saying "i wish i was dead". now u might be thinking "but birdcage, he did go out and do risky things knowing he might die" yes, that is true. but that does not mean that dying was his intention. he went out and did dangerous things bc he wanted to help, not die.

but if we return to the current moment; he is absolutely not suicidal. his mental health is deteriorating, yes. but from wut i can tell he hasnt shown any signs of suicidal ideation. for a while sun said he had pretty stable mental health. it was only until eclipse came back did his health really start to deteriorate again. then if u add on to how hes constantly being pushed to the side and ignored by his own family (im more than mildly frustrated by that) that is absolutely a disaster brewing under the surface. but does that mean hes currently, at the very least passively, suicidal? no. probably not. at least, from wut we can tell there isnt much to back up the idea that he is.

wut sun needs is to be acknowledged and let in on the happenings of the family instead of being ignored. he also needs to learn how to communicate better bc the severe lack of it is wuts going to cause the downfall of everyone in the show

[mercylikestowrite]

there’s something so beautiful about finding the person that you know was made for you. it’s like in past lives i know we got it right every single time. there’s no doubt in my mind that in every single life we lived before this one, we loved like a raging storm on a summer night. we loved like the world was going to end. we loved until our last breath. in every single version of us there is in this universe, we loved. we love now and i can’t imagine not doing so. my whole life i’ve felt like i’ve lost over and over again, but with you all i can do is win. even when i’m having the ‘worst’ day ever it’s never bad for long with you. you know exactly how to help me and how to be there for me. you can read me like no one else. you know me better than anyone ever has before. what im trying to say is i know in my heart i will marry you. i know we will grow old together. im sorry for the days my head gets to be too much and i say silly things like “do you still love me?” and “are you tired or bored of me?” i never mean it in an insult to you, its just i never imagined someone loving me the way you do. before you i dreamt of you. i had a reoccurring dream one

time of a pretty girl with dark hair and blue eyes who swept me off my feet, it felt so real when i woke up. we were so madly in love. and i can’t help but to think that it was you. it had to be you. it sounds silly but it was exactly how we are now. so effortlessly in love. my love for you overflows and creates a current inside of me that bursts out constantly. i’m constantly smiling because if the mere thought of you. i’ve never once doubted us or you, you’re unbelievable yet so believable because i’m loving you. i wish i had an intricate enough thought process to make this sound more beautiful instead of word vomit but this is all i can produce. you cause my brain to turn and twist because anything and everything i say will never truly amount to how wonderful you actually are. incandescent.

love always, merc

[tadpolesonalgae]

i was going to say azriel kind of did good finally but then bas did way wayyyy better and i just don't know anymore. bas and eris just treat her so much better than azriel or the ic, i dont understand why they can't see it when this dude (this sounds mean im sorry to bas lol) she basically just met figured her out in this little time.

im glad mor was pushing her and finally taking the time to put things together and i hope she goes and tells on her to everyone in the ic lol, they need to pay attention to her idc. it is ridiculous that she thinks asking for a different meal with no meat is a bother. i hope they start doing this a bit more, im tired of seeing her have no sense of self esteem or worth and no one giving out a hand

and elain's visions means the story is really moving now right? like the dream has to mean something. i wonder if elain knows she has powers. mor really was right in calling her stubborn lol like she has to know she can't hide her powers forever so i don't know why she can't just admit it and let her family help her. it is nice to see her have some personality finally

also i just had this random thought but since she lives in the house of wind then someone needs to fly her down when she goes into the city which would probably be az if they're the ones living there so az has been flying her down to meet her sneaky link lol - 🧶

‘i was going to say azriel kind of did good finally but then bas did way wayyyy better and i just don't know anymore.’

Yeah, Bas is just kind of doing his thing over there, offering more therapy and reassurance that any of the IC have managed (to be fair, she’s comfortable around Bas and doesn’t feel like she has to constantly watch her behaviour)

‘i dont understand why they can't see it when this dude (this sounds mean im sorry to bas lol) she basically just met figured her out in this little time.’

It hasn’t been explicitly stated, but so far Azriel’s the only one who’s actually met Bas and seen him in passing. I mean, knowing Velaris the others have probably just seen him but don’t know who he is in relation to reader!

To be fair to reader, it would be pretty awkward to invite your sneaky link to a family dinner type of situation 😭

‘and i hope she goes and tells on her to everyone in the ic lol, they need to pay attention to her idc.’

Initially I thought you meant like if reader admitted something to Mor she should go and tell everyone but yeah, Mor probably knows something’s up by now so it would be a little irresponsible for it to remain unaddressed :/

‘and elain's visions means the story is really moving now right? like the dream has to mean something.’

Honestly her dream was so fun to write but also so ridiculous 😭 Like if you want to read through her vision to try and guess at what’s going to happen there is some level of meaning to it (since it’s a vision) but I’d really be quite surprised if anyone actually manages to get anything 🤷

And yeah, scary progression in plot now 😬

‘but since she lives in the house of wind then someone needs to fly her down when she goes into the city’

So reader can actually winnow which—admittedly, I’m a little confused on how it’s portrayed in acotar since from how it’s described it sounds like it would be a Night Court thing but apparently it’s just anyone with significant reserves of magic👀—is why she’s fine being up at the House of Wind. (Yes, she was very reckless in learning how to make the drop from outside the wards down onto the balcony but hey ho, she’s a mess 🧡💛)

[terraliensvent]

good gpd im so frustrated with stuff in terras rn. idont care anymore if they know who i am im jyst. so so frustrayed. its so hard to get stuff u want without spending money and im really lucky i have 3 terras. but oh god its so frustrating seeing people ask for. what even was it. asking for 14 myos. for 1 terra. it makes me so unvelievably angry!!

not tomention the way terra staff picked all the people who werent that active in chats. but just because they knew eachother well and were friends. it makes me lose hope for ever being a syaff and helping make this cs a little better :(

also how terra gas are always peopel with super detailled "pop" styles. like yeah youre picking smaller artists but.. yhey all have very similar styles and. its discouraging to someone with a chibi style who just really likes designing terras. it makes me wanna leave so bad.

and i. i cannot handle some of the members sometimes. some members will talk about how they dony have much money, like someone said they didnt have money for something. then immediately after bought a terra??? i mean i get that it can be addicting n stuff but. its so so frustrating oh god.

especially when people like. are talking about stuff and someone mentions something cpmpletely off topic. i could understanf if!!! maybe !! they asked nicely for a topic change and left it at tht but. ive seen people spam their own topics in the middle of another convo.

also i dont even wanna mention the trading scene. its insane. man i. ive been condidering leaving for sonlong mostly from members and specific staff. but. aughhhgg i love terras so much i just. wish i could make it better. i genuinely cry over it bc . i love terras so so much but its all going to shit . :C

im mostly just frustrated with dtaff constantly taking customs because if the staff customs channel and their new godly role. it sucks. it makes people feel like their artvisnt worth it, seeinh bids surpass thr hundreds while some camnot sell a fullbody for $5 just bc bias.

if staff see this, im sorry. i wish i didnt have yo go on a vent blog to say this. but i know saying it in the server would just get me silenced. please try to help with these issues seen here. and im genuinely so sorry, i really want to help, but this is the only way i can help now: giving criticism. i hope things change and i can enjoy terras again. i also hope staff are okay, i do not eant this to be mean or stressing in any way. :C [sorry for the typos mod i am very shaky rn and in a bus and carsick so im trying to fix them as mucj as i can. and ty for dealing witg all the drama.]

im sorry youre having such a bad time anon, it can be difficult once you realize all the deep cracks within the foundation of something you like

youre right in saying the trading scene is absolutely insane rn, people have decided that myos arent as powerful of a trading chip anymore but theyre still just as difficult to get, what the FUCK would someone even need 14 myos for

the staff has always been cliquey, if youre not in their little friend group you might as well be dirt, and theyre so biased toward pop artists, thats why kiwi rot was allowed to make a feral terra custom even while the hammer was coming down hard on them.

members are so rude and im tired of people pretending theyre not. at some point you gotta wonder how many times someone will breach social contract again and again regardless of every single time theyre politely told to wait their turn, just say you want to butt in and be done with it. ive never seen so many people absolutely unable to actually pay attention to the conversation at hand and it really seems like they just want to hear themselves talk

staff as a role is just a pretty little modifier to say “im elite, now drop $100s on my customs so you can immediately trade it off and say ‘looking for staff swaps ONLY if you offer me anything else u r getting blocked xoxox’”, none of them actually really use the new role to bring new viewpoints to the species or to make systems move faster, if they were then youd think we would actually have implemented more site functionality than one single fucking forage button and people wouldnt have to wait upwards of 2 weeks to get a myo design approved

terras biggest downfall is that every single person in the server is too sensitive for criticism and take it way too personally, that way everything gets silenced and nothing gets better.

personally anon, i suggest distancing yourself a bit. when i started moving away from the species and focusing on irl self improvement, i felt so much better (and started saving a lot of money)

[cryptidofthekeys]

Spooky Month Mans (bc i have in fact not shown him off)

You WILL look upon my OC, his description is fairly old btw,, but im w a y too lazy to look back and see if I need to re-edit shit but i cant believe i havent,, actually posted his description bc it was,, no where on my blog

but here,, take- take my poor pathetic meow meow of a man

TW: Smoking mentions

| Name: Fredrick Myers

| Nicknames: Fred or Freddy (you can call him Felix too)

| Gender: Trans FTM (He/They)

| Age: N/A but he is an adult (I gotta look up some stuff before I give him a proper age, bc uh if i do it wrong then it’ll conflict with shit)

| Height: 5’7”

| Hair Color: Black (his hair is short, messy and p spiky tbh)

| Eye Color: Dark Brown

| Occupation: Just works where he can tbh, lives in an apartment just on the outskirts of the town.

| Skin Color/Body Type: He’s extremely pale but that’s because he doesn’t get out much tbh and he’s overall kinda skinny ngl

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| Appearance: His main outfit is a black hoodie that definitely looks worn out, there’s lot of sewn places (those used to be holes) he’s tried to mostly find black material to match the hoodie but because he doesn’t have many clothes he’s settled for anything so long as he could repair the hoodie, he wears black skinny jeans that are ripped at the knees and finally he wears black  boots (he calls them combat boots but they REALLY aren’t

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…just let him live out the fantasy ok?) even the boots look pretty scuffed up though tbh, he usually keeps the hood up over his head (bc it’s cold but he also doesn’t,, wanna attract any attention to himself) the last piece of clothing is his binder they usually keep on …They TRY not to wear it constantly but oofy…

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They don’t have any scars (they can’t afford any kinda top surgery or nothing like that …Yet) the only notable thing I can say aside from clothing-wise of course is he has some stubble and he has really dark circles under their eyes he looks REALLY tired, so uh yeah other than that nothing really special about him, no claws, no sharp teeth, etc- just a normal looking dude!

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| Personality: He’s p much shy, usually considered a loner and even antisocial but that’s really not true, he’s just really anxious and gets nervous around others real easily, he keeps to himself as BEST as they can physically manage which is why they usually lurk around, never one to get involved in anything even if invited by someone.

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Loves a good movie and some cheese n crackers, his favorite genre is usually sci-fi or just fantasy movies in general, sometimes a cheesy rom-com or two tbh, overall they are just an average dude tryna live their life, tryna make it in the world… There’s genuinely NOTHING special about him, they just exist and that’s it ya know? They got no interesting backstory either really-

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I mean sure bad parents and a lil bit of trauma in those regards but in the end that's probs just me projecting …A G A I N lmao

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The ONE bad habit I can say he has is he’s a smoker, like he doesn’t smoke EVERY single day I suppose but it’s not a good habit for him to gain (basically what I’m tryna say is that he needs a healthier outlet for his anxiety)

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| Side Facts: I’m so not used to making just normal ass characters but I think I’m managing so far gfhjkdfgjd so uh I won’t deny? Fredrick is kinda poor tbh, like they’re still managing to feed themselves and keep their apartment but that’s about the extent, they can’t really treat themselves to much, and sometimes he’ll dumpster dive for things he could use

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(ya gotta do what ya gotta do) so it’s uh definitely no wonder he looks constantly tired and even borderline stressed, having to make sure to keep up with the rent money n such, making sure he keeps himself healthy food n water wise, etc- it’s stressful trying to keep up with that, keeping up with work, etc

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They’ve heard the rumors about the town nearby (which is why they kinda moved near it but not fully into it), they figured maybe just maybe one day they’ll get some excitement in their life, even if it could be a bit …okay a great deal of danger, it’d be something INTERESTING ya know? But uh, Freddy isn’t gonna go outta their way for something, they just kinda… Hope he’ll get lucky and it’ll come to them instead even though it’s not likely, Fred’s just bored because it’s really just the same things over and over again, never nothing new or exciting happens …But maybe just maybe, one day… All that will change :)

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Freddy’s pass time, I wasn’t lying when i said they enjoy cheese n crackers and a good movie, that’s usually what he does in his freetime, they watch random movies they got and just eat some of that- another random fact- Fred seems like they’d be a horror movie guy but he’s actually never fucking watched a horror movie in his life (god if somethin spooky does happen they’d have no idea what to do or how to deal with it fgjkljhfkgdfl they don’t know the basic rules to survival in horror situations!) I’m not saying he’d HATE horror movies, it's literally just they haven’t watched any. They’d probably genuinely love horror movies if they ever got the chance to snag one.

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Just an average dude, living his life the best he can, tryna make it on their own, nothing special, they just… Exist.

[kerink]

like i dont talk about my medical hx here any more really but i want to more, esp if i think itll be helpful. but like, i got formally dxd and got accommodations for the first time in grad school and it was so strange. talking to someone and having them list all the ways you're struggling and different due to both negative symptoms and positive symptoms (i mean those colloquially not the way mental health means them)

like being told you're so depressed you should actually be hospitalized BUT also so resilient that you're doing okay? weird conversation to have. being told i'm so smart (over 130 IQ) but lack focus and motivation to do anything with it? made me cry for days. my neurologist literally described me as "a car with the greatest engine ever built on the worst tires ever made." it made me feel trapped in my body, makes me wonder every day what i COULD be doing if i wasn't so disabled. miserable honestly

BUT also. look at what ive done DESPITE being so disabled. this isn't always a comfort but it often is

it's strange being resilient and coping well, it's hard being gifted. connecting to others is so challenging for me, i always feel different and othered. ever since i was in grade school i've felt like an alien who's only here to observe not participate and that feelings never really gone away. my mom tells me i'm too smart, my brain tells me i'm too broken, my neurologist says it's something in between

anyway this isn't meant to get sympathy im fine, just that last post kind of got me musing and i've been talking to the taskforce all day about it so i had the words to articulate it

i like that the conversation about including giftedness in ND identities is happening, it needs to. we're told we're different from a young age and removed from our peers to do things differently. it changes you, changes the way you think and relate to others. but since society sees this as A Good Thing it's not treated like the significant event it is. i barely remember any autobiographical information but i remember sitting there at age 7 or 8 being tested. i remember being singled out, i remember being given different work, i remember the shame of being 11 and my depression was so bad i couldnt Do the gifted thing any more and had to drop out. everything comes easy to me when it comes to work and school so i never feel accomplished i always feel like i'm not doing enough or i'm doing it wrong, but that's just because it's easy. i do more than my peers i just don't feel it. and if i do things at "my level" the mental health issues paralyze me. it's a constantly losing battle

i'm putting off studying for licensure to type this, case and point

[watercolormogai]

hi sorry for the mini vent but i'm so tired of having to say i'm pro para because like... imagine it had to be that way with any other disability. "yeah i'm pro autism." "i'm pro bpd" it sounds so fucking stupid. i don't know if i make sense but what i'm trying to say is that it sucks we have to treat paraphilias differently than any other disability or disorder or mental illness. i hope this doesn't come across as like anti-para or anything im bad with words lmfao

honestly ? v feel the same way

it sucks to have vy disorders painted as so horrible and disgusting , no one would actually ever support them except fake troll accounts . it sucks that theres basically no community (besides the radqueer community , but v'm clearly not in that) where there are a lot of people who understand and accept it . even people who "accept" it go on to talk about how "harmful paraphilias" are gross and immoral and only the "non-harmful kinks people pretend are paraphilias" are good and okay .

it absolutely sucks that v have to repeatedly say that v'm pro-para and still have people have no idea what paraphilias actually are and be against them because of that . like you said , nobody has to do that with any other disability , and even when people put "people who believe in narc abuse" on their DNIs there is really no one in the mogai community who is actually like that . meanwhile paraphiles are constantly painted as so incredibly horrible and wrong that people literally side with TERFs and call bigots "better" for not supporting paraphiles .

a lot of the anti-para shit in the community comes from people not actually understanding what paraphilias are or how they work . if v try to say "well someone with BPD isn't inherently violent and abusive because of their violent thoughts , and paraphiles aren't either" , v'm told that v'm ableist and a horrible person for daring to compare two disorders . if v try to say "people think you can cure being attracted to the same gender , but you obviously can't , so it's not very hard to understand that you can't cure being attracted to a child or an animal" , v get called homophobic and harassed for daring to say that pure innocent gay people are even slightly similar to the gross awful pedos . people who hate something are never just going to see one post and then suddenly change . they aren't going to see a hundred posts and even think about changing . a lot of ableists have said that even if it was their best friend who came out as a paraphile , theyd tell them to kill themself . so the lack of knowledge and understanding is going to take a long , long time to change , as absolutely frustrating as that is .

(plus , the fact that people think that any attraction to minors is pedophilia . that is not true and one of the main reasons why v feel the urge to punch anyone who says "i call maps pedophiles because thats what they really are!!!" because no you idiot map means any attraction to minors and pedophilia is only towards prepubescent children . the terms hebephilia , nepiophilia , ephebophilia , etc exist for a reason .)

it absolutely sucks to have to repeatedly say "yes , v support all disabled and neurodivergent people , yes including paraphiles they are still neurodivergent / disordered" . it should be basic common sense that all disabled and neurodivergent people are wonderful and amazing and your disorder doesnt make you a bad person , but for some reason it isnt . it constantly makes ve frustrated and angry because people choose to believe the media and hate paraphiles instead of just listening and understanding . having to say that v'm pro-para over and over is incredibly frustrating and makes ve just wanna hit things because oh vy gods why cant people just stop being so fucking ableist , but as frustrating as it is v know it's not going to change and until then we will just have to keep saying it over and over until people start understanding .

paraphiles being treated as "worse than" or "different" than other disorders is stupid and just ableism . no disorder is "worse than" any other . every disorder is morally neutral no matter what . if a paraphile hurts someone else , it is not "someone abused me because theyre a paraphile" it is "someone abused me becuse theyre a bad person" . "pedophilic abuse" is no more real than "narc abuse" . if an adult grooms a child , they are a predator , and actually that vast majority of predators are not pedophiles at all and the vast majority of pedophiles never groom / abuse anyone , so they probably arent even a pedophile . "dont armchair diagnose anyone" includes calling someone a pedophile because they hurt a child . dont call your abuser a narcissist because they probably werent and even if they were they didnt hurt you because of their npd they hurt you because they were an abuser . it is the same with paraphiles . treating paraphiles as "different" or "inherently wrong" only pushes them further and further away from any sort of help they may want to find and leads them to hurt themselves and others .

sorry that v kinda went off on a rant , but v have A Lot of opinions about this , as you can probably tell lol

[dumbbitchfrommars]

12am and i cant sleep.

its been so hard adjusting to all the change. it was unexpected, and i got used to something and didnt realise how that momentum would just disappear and how uncomfortable i would be about that.

i think i got used to the chaos of being a student. now i feel stuck, and im doubting myself. im really, really questioning.

but somehow i was blessed with a really wonderful man amidst it all?

doubt/fear/self criticism. its confusing me... i havent properly cried in so long. ive just gotten a bit too comfortable with the subtle, constant voice in my head putting me down for every little mistake and unmet expectation.

i am a good writer. i missed writing, really writing. i got so lazy. i feel so lazy, all the time. like im never quite putting in 100%, but if i did, i know id be able to achieve so much. id be so successful - probably at anything i put my mind into.

instead im so afraid of failing or being disappointed that i barely try at all.

my confidence is thin... i wonder if people can see through my facade?

im so ashamed and angry at myself for losing my temper today. it completely derailed the rest of my day. i feel terrible. i deserved to get in trouble today. it was my karma for being impatient, and mean, and angry. life is not that serious. nothing is worth that kind of anger. no stranger deserves that kind of anger...

im so tired but the coffee that i knew would throw me off is keeping me up. i was shaking for half the day today! i genuinely helped so many people but i also feel judged, criticised and under appreciated. i am not rostered again for this entire week.

work is not worth this frustration and anger and hurt. ive exhausted myself analysing the situation and its done. but, what is left if not that? what do i worry about instead? how others might judge me for dating this guy? or how my car is stuck in a carpark tonight and might be towed away by the morning? or, that i have $40 to my name right now with multiple trips interstate planned in the next few months? money doesnt matter. it never really mattered and is the least of my problems, and yet it floats back to me constantly like a persistent fly. i got bit on the fucking face by a mosquito!

but being hugged like that healed something in me. it was the most comforting hug ive had in so, so long. i could cry just thinking about feeling that way all the time. so warm and safe and protected and loved.

its nice to feel like i can be a shy girl again. like i dont have to pretend to be confident all the time, cause someone else is already, and hes ready to take the lead for me. so i can let my guards down and just be my self and not worry about scaring him off or making him insecure. and i like the way he tells me things. like he really shows me, and gets me to visualise what hes trying to explain. and i like how he rubbed my knee when i said i wasnt listening to him for one second. and i like how he kinda just decided for me that were hanging out again tomorrow. and i like how he asked "are you okay" when i got all anxious and made me laugh at myself instead of being awkward. how did he do that? he helped me not overthink by making a sweet joke and i could laugh. and my critical side is non existent when im with him, cause hes so confident in himself. hes so man. and i actually like him. i like talking to him, i like his personality, im drawn to him, i think hes attractive. i mean, he has odd style but it suits him. and he has some opinions that i disagree with but they arent dealbreakers. and hes such a boyyyy like hes so masculine man like wow they really do exist. all i had to do was look in a different place to my own. I KNEW IT TOO. i knew i liked them a little rough around the edges. ugh. okay. i think thats enough fawning over him now.

i wonder when we'll finally kiss. i dont think im ready yet... im scared of rushing and getting hurt again. i think he can tell and thats why hes been so slow and gentle with me. is crazy, isnt it? i seem so confident and attractive and cool from the outside. i feel like everyone profiles me as having so much handed to me. but its honestly so scary and hard to try do relationships and friendships. ive been hurt so much and im so so sensitive. but maybe i seem strong and like my walls are up or something, so people think im indestructible. but secretly im so soft and fragile and i need time. and i feel like hes giving me that time? like i dont think ive ever gone this long talking to a guy. i havent hung out with a guy 3 times without kissing once. thats a lie... but its also true, cause the taurus i always just expected it to not be romantic. i dont think i ever really saw us being in a relationship. but i can see myself with the scorpio. so its even a shock just for me, to see how seriously im taking this by not rushing. i want everything to be special and the right timing. i even want to meet his family and friends. and my sister really likes him. thats how i know hes good for me. because shes never wrong about people. could this be why i had such a trainwreck day today? did i receive some kind of evil eye the other night? but...who...? everyone seemed so sweet and happy and lovely. maybe its just a bad day and i shouldnt overthink it.

ugh.

its fucking freezing cold and now its past 1am. ugh.

i would love another one of those hugs, please. it was so lovely and nice and ugh. holy shit. i really like him!

[wizzywizzyballs]

3/11/2024 my first post

helloooo i needed a side hobby thing that my friends didn't know about, so i made this side blog... I don't actually know if they can see this or not. I wanted to make a little online diary for me to talk about my thoughts on where i'm pretty much anonymous. Hiding things from my friends is a bit of a guilty pleasure since I normally end up accidentally info dumping about every hour of my life to them and leaving no room for secrets. For anyone wondering, this is going to be mostly a system blog as well as that's what I (we?) am (are?). I'll eventually make an introduction post maybe if im feeling exxtra daring. but for now, here is what I've done today.

I went to bed at around midnight (I was really tired from not sleeping properly and want to fix my sleep schedule so no naps!!!) and woke up at noon! I normally sleep for only 8 hours like most human beings on earth so i guess i was preettty tired.. I had some funny dreams about friends and hopefully didn't come to any weird conclusions in one of them. I won't disclose that, though, just in case (albeit overbearing and lowkey stalker-ish) find this page and i have to explain my fucking tumblr post to them. Anyways, I made myself brunch... It was a fried egg sandwich with avocado, spinach, and the rest of my tomato.. Because someone else has been using my tomato and I don't know who.. I don't really care that much, there's another tomato. I had some extra avocado on the side, drenched in parmesan. Matt played some rimworld and we ate our brunch as usual and I watched a video about eerie japanese internet history. It's been a recent thing I've been fixated on. It's now 5 pm and we've done nothing but listen to music and play rimworld. I'm now going to take a nap. OH ACTUALLY,, before all of this brunch eating and rimworld playing, Matt helped apply us for a local credit union. Originally it was going to be Kyle's job, but he stopped fronting, and our current gatekeeper got the idea. I'll see tomorrow if we got accepted into it. I hope we did, but I doubt we will with our shitty record of constant unemployment ( we just got our ID) and just overall shitty looking anythings in terms of adulting. If not, we're applying for chase. asides from that, that is genuinely all I've done today. nothing crazy, I'm more excited for the sleepover with friends I should be having on Wednesday. My friends are constantly busy nowadays since they all have jobs, so hanging out like this is always fun. We're supposed to be keeping it a secret from (for anonymity I'll use fake names) Lemon, because he's very whiny and tbh a man-child. He never lets us hang out without him and we accidentally invited him to our ihop date, so we're going without him on wednesday and hoping he forgets about ihop.... You can ssay wwe're evil or mean or bad friends, but if you were his best friend of 6+ years, you'd do this too. what he doesn't know can't hurt him :p so don't tell on me, ok? anyways, goodnight, oyasumi, bon nuit, I'm taking my nap xx

[chronic-escapist]

writing on here kinda reminds me of these letters i used to write, they weren’t to anyone specifically, but i wrote them as if i was talking to someone that cared about what i had to say. they got really fucking weird and dark but i guess it helped, i don’t know why i stopped doing that, i guess i had actual people to talk to for a little bit, they kinda took the place of that. anyway, idk my heads a mess all the time and maybe this helps a little bit, maybe not, im still a fucking disaster but ive kinda always felt like im just talking to myself all the time anyway so i guess its not much different.

maybe i should just write this shit in a diary instead of here but i kinda like the vibe and the ceremony of writing shit here. i mean i have a diary and i write other shit down but i like coming here and just talking. im tryna be more honest, not to be like a good person really but because im kinda tired of not just talking about shit i wanna talk about or being closed off from people, and to be fucking honest, having secrets is exhausting. i like talking to and connecting with people, weirdly enough. i think i've spent so much of my life alone that i kinda don't know how to start that tho. i think maybe if i wasn't the self destructive kinda self obsessed person i am i'd want to be a therapist, or a teacher, but probably adult education tho coz kids are lil shits and teens are angsty and don't wanna connect and shit, which i get, i was like that. i still probably am, but i am me, and i kinda deal with that connection through art, as wanky and pretentious as that statement is.

fuck is this me like growing up a bit or whatever, how awful. i think i often feel like a million people jammed into one person and all the contradictory things about me that like don’t make sense i was tryna make them go away. i guess i was trying to fit into certain stereotypes but like actual people aren’t really like that, but everyone else always seemed a bit more put together than i am, like they weren’t constantly wondering who they are. but i think i change too much anyway for that to be consistent. but i think im getting closer to accepting that i am who i am and whatever that is i have to find a way to deal with that or im gonna be dead in a few years, that’s the truth of it. i can’t really say that to people coz they freak out and whatever but like its true, at some point it’s gonna be me alone with me and you know what i’d do with that, so i guess im gonna have to learn to not fucking hate everything about me, and when i really think about it anyway, there’s so much shit ive got left to do, mainly make the first Unsimplicated album, because as if i’d do anything else.

[spotsupstuff]

rambling bout the mandarin dub of s3 special (part 2)

before i do skedaddle onto more mandarin, i do actually wanna say- grollow has said a few times that they find Porty's sudden appearance very random which i do kinda agree with, but it also makes me think a tad. my three thoughts as to why He poked his head out are so far this: 1. shameless fanservice, as Porty is prolly the most liked Xiaotian clone 2. the crew needed a hype man more than anything to go thru their plan, so Xiaotian summoned Porty cuz das basically all that the clone does, did while he stayed and literally self-destructed the moment danger showed up instead of helpin 3. as per ar-blackshaw's and sketching-shark's theory convo, Porty has been alikened to Six Ear in the theory that Six is a clone of Sun Wukong's. Six is on the team now! Why not bring in the new generation of version of him in as well, yanno! sounds like a fun lore poke for the fandom ✨

Him Mouth... BUT ALSO he doesn't say "C'MOOOON" in the mandarin one which means he just Makes Noises n those are always fuckin PEAK up in this bitch, shit's fuckin hilarious

someone else pointed this out on twitter before i did a "try to understand now" rewatch actually, but SWK here calls Xiaotian "my little hero" which like fuck my heart, i guess

there's this tiny little quick inhale n exhale from Six Ear here and it fuckin Kills me

still not over Six Ear pullin THAT shit outta him chest n still not over Sun Wukong just BLASTIN that shit outta his hand like that, everytime i hear the fuckin sound effect of him shootin the energy i just go "Jaysus Fuck" like its so strong compared to Six Ear's wimpy ass weak sauce bullshit of a shadow emo energy stream it takes me out without fail, that thing could be aliken to a damb Spaceship Take Off

two things: 1. instead of "monkey" she only calls Xiaotian "little hero", for those wondering 2. her mandarin "no. it's pain/suffering." actually sounds so Tired and Pained- the no especially makes me think that at this point she's as far as struggling to get any words out

THIS MANS SAYS SHIIIIIIFU SO FUCKIN SMUGLY N BITCHY IM GON BITE HIS MINERAL ASS GO OFF KING

so mandarin Six Ear is known especially to me to have a VERY steady voice. he's incredibly calm almost thru fuckin Everything, including this special. his voice never rises up- it's almost as if he was stuck in a suave manipulative threat mode constantly

Except This One Fucking Time.

THIS interaction is what BREAKS his calm demeanor after ALL the seasons- he did NOT go squeaky in his debut episode (not countin the trainin sesh cuz that was more like choked up/running out of breath), he did NOT go squeaky upon recounting the events that build him up into what he is, he did NOT go squeaky over bein abducted by the not-mayor, basically enslaved by the White Bone Spirit and later on INFUSED with the bone demon's powers, no.

what fuckin breaks him is bein compared to the one person he was presumably created from. (very tempted to say sib culture wins here)

i was quite a tad worried at first that the mandarin dub would end up not giving SWK the emotional weak moments because the voice acting when he breaks out of WBS's control n thanks Xiaotian did not have the same shaky hit to it like the og english version had

i was... pleasantly surprised at the same time as distraught over how small and... Weak and lost THE Great Sage sounds when he gives his apology to his kid, though

he is So genuinely sorry. it hurts him that he hurt his little hero

after Xiaotian makes his joke with the noodles, he sounds close to tears. first he panics over being misunderstood, he stumbles thru his words and then he curls up, voice stretched out in a way that makes me think of my own before i cry. and then his words fade out in a raspy sigh

and it is still Weak and Raspy and charmingly Imperfect in the last sentences we hear from Sun Wukong

[misschifuyu]

i saw ypu koko & smiley as your boyfriend and I loved it :)

Can please ask some boyfriend hcs for ran,angry and rindou? Thank you

- im so glad you liked them bby !! here are some more hcs for the boys ♡

Ran, Angry and Rindou boyfriend headcanons

genre: fluff

warnings: none

Ran

oh, ran

right off the bat, everyone is going to know you're dating. and it won't be because he goes around showing off the fact

it will simply by the way he acts around you

firstly, he's a fan of pda and completely shameless about it. some members get into a pretty vicious fight? he'll swing his arm around you whilst he watches, unbothered. middle of a meeting? he will wrap his arms around your smaller form and rest his head on top of yours

izana will undoubtedly get tired of this guy's apparent need to be in constant contact with you. sure, couples could be cute together, but it's not frequent to see them share a loving hug after one of the two had just beaten a man to the ground

just seemed a little out of place, surely it could wait-

he loves you, though, and he isn't going to let some stereotypical image of a delinquent deprive him of time spent with you

another thing that will automatically lead someone to believe the two of you are partners is the way he will stand near you

of course, his regular stance is anything but inviting, but the way he will stare down - since this man is a literal giant - at anyone who even remotely posed a threat will be enough to make them change their mind about being near the two of you

he knew the life of a gang member was anything but a safe one. he was more than able to protect himself; what scared him was you.

ran, despite his tough act, has a constant fear of losing you because of the stupid situations both he and his brother get themselves into

it wasn't that he deemed you weak, it was more so that he knew how strong some of the men could be

the last thing he wanted to find was his s/o injured - or even worse - because of someone who was trying to get back at him

it was the reason as to why he will spend as much time as he could with you. of course, he understands personal space, but you would also have plenty of that whenever he got involved with any serious fights

he never let you go to those, of course

whenever you both have free time, he will make it up to you however you pleased. casual dates are his favourites, not having any specific plans, just simply going out or staying at home with you

more times than not, he will accidentally stay over for the night as he would fall asleep from the tiresome day on your lap. but you always have space for one more to sleep in, so it was never a problem

Angry (Souta)

the baby of the twins

you would meet his brother before him and it would take you quite a bit to get used to his...angry ways

he isn't an aggressive person, but the first impression you had gotten of him was certainly not one of showing extreme friendliness. but once you got to know him, it was quite obvious that you had found someone you liked spending time with

he's a very compassionate person. constantly looking out for others, he hadn't realised how much he appreciated receiving the same care from another. it's the reason as to why he adores your presence

unless one were to specifically ask if he had a partner, it isn't very obvious that the two of you are dating. you spent time together, but it was usually when you were alone, since the other members would be around otherwise

that wasn't a problem, far from it, but it would mean that he would be much more reserved with you. he loved your soft kisses on his cheeks, but he would only get flustered if you were to do so in front of anyone. souta's a shy baby.

so much so that his brother would sometimes ask how the two of you are doing, judging by the fact that the two of you acted like childhood friends whenever you hung out with him

you'd reassure him, though, that everything was going smoothly

souta would treat you with such kindness that, sometimes, you'd wonder if this was even the same guy you had come across on the day you met him

he'd never verbally ask for it, but the way he'd sit patiently on your bed whenever he came over, watching you do errands here and there, was an obvious invitation for you to cradle his face in your hands and give him a soft peck on his nose

he's a sucker for hugs, no doubt

sit him down in front of the television with a movie and blankets and he will be the most content angry ever

dates will be very similar, in all honesty. of course, he enjoyed going out to get ice cream every now and then, but he'd be cautious about bumping into another member and seeing him break his facade

no matter how many times you try and convince him, he won't drop the furrowed brows and intimidating expression when around others

but, you were happy enough with just seeing his softer side behind closed doors

Rindou

yet another baby of the family

this is a stubborn one. rindou isn't a fan of having a weak spot for anyone, and will be very wary when it comes to meeting new people

luckily, when he first encountered you, your demeanour had been anything but menacing or even intimidating. hell, you were more scared of him in that moment, knowing full well who the haitani brothers were

so, right from the start, he considered you someone with the possibility of gaining his trust. just maybe...especially with that face that he couldn't help but admit was nice to look at.

his brother was the one to actually set the two of you up, fed up the time his sibling was taking in just getting it over and done with

and so, you started dating rindou haitani

tagging along in anything related to tenjiku was off the board until he knew that nothing would happen to you. he still didn't fully trust the scums that were the other members, and considered it best for you to remain in safety

you knew his brother already, and that was more than enough when it came to the gang

this simply meant that, when a little message appeared on your phone screen saying 'are you free for the rest of the day', you were always overjoyed

granted, he'd usually turn up at your place absolutely exhausted on some occasions, especially if it was late at night. you didn't mind, though, it was a perfect excuse to pamper him after a long day

he wouldn't admit it, but whenever you did these little routines on him, fluffy headbands and slippers included, he quite enjoyed it. his heart would swell just a little at the way you would take care of him

other times he'd come over would simply consist in him being greeted with a warm hug, before being suggested to go somewhere to eat or have a snack together

he wasn't really worried about being seen around town with you, so he would usually agree to it. his favourite place to go were cafés, sitting down with you and enjoying a peaceful afternoon

as far as pda goes, it's pretty much inexistent with him

however, once he crashes at your place, he is open to anything: laying on top of him as you watched something together, cuddling on the couch, even spooning.

he's just very deprived when it comes to physical affection, so be sure to give him all the love whenever he comes over

[pennylanewrites]

Hey I saw your post and read your rules. I too am having a bad day and would like to change my mind hehe. Two sides of the same coin. Please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself too :)

Could I please request an AOT headcanon for Eren, Levi, Armin, Bertholdt and Reiner with an s/o from the modern world who is really peaceful and couldn't hurt a fly? Thanks and again, take care :))

Hey love, I’m sorry you’re having a bad day, I hope everything turns out well! I’ll work on your other ask soon too, I loved the idea! Let me know what you think of this! <3

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

Modern AU s/o who is really peaceful and easygoing with: Eren, Levi, Armin, Bertholdt and Reiner.

Eren

→ Eren and you met in high school when you broke off a fight between him and your friend, Jean

→ after that he pays more attention to you and wonders if it’s all an act

→ actually asks you straight up if you’re acting sweet bc there’s no way you’re this nice

→ he asked you out by throwing a basketball that wrote ‘date?’ on your face

→ you didn’t even consider getting mad at him for the bloody nose

→ you’ve been dating for a while and he still hasn’t got a reaction from you

→ constantly screams at you about how you need to get mad at people who steal your wallet or rip your essays bc ‘no, they’re not having a bad day!’

→ you calm him down a lot since he basically has no self-control at all and will punch a wall at the slightest obstacle

→ if he’s ever mad at you, he can’t even have a fight because you refuse to have one

Levi

→ even though you’ve been dating a while, Levi claims it’s annoying how you’re always so nice to everyone

→ the only time you raised your voice at him was when the bleach with which he cleaned the floors burned your eyes

→ you apologized to him a thousand times and started crying

→ he had to cuddle you for an hour and assure you he didn’t mind if you yelled, that it’s only normal

→ he actually loves how nice you are, just not when someone’s flirting with you and you just can’t find a way to reject them nicely

→ he yells at Hange and Erwin a lot bc they annoy him

→ you go up to them when he leaves and explain to them that he didn’t mean it and he’s just tired

→ Hange will tease him about you two being a literal angel and the devil reincarnated

Armin

→ boyfriend who’s scared of bugs but wants to kill them and partner who’s also scared of bugs but chases them around the house to put them in a jar

→ ‘throw your slipper at it!’ ‘armin no, what if it’s mom is waiting for it at home?’

→ armin is also very easygoing usually so you two get along extremely well

→ you’d do anything he said and eren would tell him to use it for his advantage, but armin just loves you too much to do something that feels like using you

→ you literally wouldn’t mind though

→ you both want to make each other feel great so your days probably go like

→ ‘here’s some flowers babe I had to visit ten different stores to find them!’ ‘thanks armin, I made you your favorite cake from scratch even though I have a pile of assignments and I ended up missing two classes!’

Bertholdt

→ you two are the same person no kidding

→ he might get mad at Reiner sometimes but that’s about it

→ worships you for how sweet and calm you are

→ words of affirmation and praises are both of your’s favorite thing

→ ‘darling you handled that so well’ ‘you did so good on the exam!’ ‘im so proud of you’

→ he might shed a tear or two as he sees you helping a little kid at the park tie his shoes and then find his mum

→ you just didn’t have the heart to shoo a sweet, innocent kid away from your one year anniversary date

Reiner

→ gets very frustrated at the way you act sometimes

→ ‘why are you whispering?’ ‘Reiner, I’m not whispering, this is my normal voice’ ‘but it’s so quiet’

→ screams at the tv during a soccer game and then turns to you but you haven’t batted an eye

→ god knows this man needs a s/o who’s calm bc he’s not been calm since he was two years old

→ you help him with the papers he takes home from work even though you have one hundred more things to do

→ reiner loves waking up to see you humming a song and making breakfast, you just look like an angel under the sunlight

→ has a theory about how you’re Snow White reincarnated bc animals LOVE you

→ you’re just so calm, how can wild animals not come up to you on a walk through the forest?

→ ‘reiner it won’t bite you’ ‘honey, its a literal wolf’ ‘but it isn’t even teething yet!’

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

[shigarakislittlepet]

im so happy to find a blog with good nsfw content for literally all my faves lol we share the same braincell it seems! how about fluffy nsfw headcanons for Dabi, Shigi, Aizawa and Shinsou and well, Baku but I don't want to overwhelm you even if you don't have a character limit hhh, with a s/o that was completely inexperienced in sex before they got together? They grew more comfortable with the idea of sex over time as they used to be really shy about it but they're scared they'll mess up and disappoint their loves? If possible could you mention what kind of approach each boy would have for the first time with their virgin s/o? I'm just feeling some fluffy dick tonite ya know lol stay safe out there <3

Ohhhh my gosh, this whole thing gave me brain rot lmao, thank you for giving me this power <3<3<3

This also took me literal months to finish because life got crazy, so I’m sorry about that. Hope you enjoy it anyway!

TW: loss of virginity, gentelness, fluffy smut, unprotected sex bc I’m a whore (Y/N is on birth control), and as always all characters are adults especially Y/N

-Dabi-

> You are surprised by how patient he is with you. You were sure he’d have gotten tired of waiting, but he didn’t push. He didn’t make you feel badly about it, and the last thing he would ever want to do to sweet little innocent angel is coerce them into something they weren’t ready for. So, he waits.

> It happened so gradually. Over time, light kissing became making out. After a few months, you got more comfortable and it didn’t feel at all odd to fall into bed with him, cuddling and “swapping spit” as he called it, which always made you giggle like a schoolgirl at his crudeness. His hands would test the waters, but he was always feeling for nervous tremors and flinching, never wanting to go further than you were comfortable. At first, he only rested a hand on you lower back, drawing lazy circles into your waist, his other cradling your face gently, reassuringly. Eventually he could get his hand beneath your shirt, still just at your lower back, but he was content with his progress. Your skin was soft and you said he felt warm, and that was the first time he ever thought of his quirk as “sweet, comforting”, as you described the warmth from his hands.

> After a few months went by, he had progressed to the point of being able to freely roam your body with his hands, the warmth helping you stay calm and anchored to him.

> What continued to surprise you is how easy it felt, once you were ready. You didn’t even see it coming. He asked you, so gently, if he could take your shirt off. You told him he could as long as he promised to keep you warm. He went along slowly, constantly reassuring you, “God Angel, you’re so beautiful. I gotta see more of you, can I? Please?”, “You’re so soft, I need to feel more of your skin, angel, please?” You didn’t even hesitate, you didn’t need to. You felt safer with him than you ever had in your life.

> You realized, once you were both naked together, just how comfortable you were with him. And suddenly you felt like you needed to give him everything he ever wanted, and you knew he would do the same for you.

> It happens so slowly, or at least, it feels like it does. His hand slowly grazes down between your bodies until he reaches your core. You gasp, no one but you had ever touched you there, and it feels so foreign and wonderful. And warm. Once you begin bucking onto his fingers, an insatiable grin stretches across his face. He retracts his fingers, bringing them to his lips, and you watch as he sucks them clean. He calls you delicious and rolls on top of you, asks you if you’re ready for him. For the first time, you look down between your bodies and see just how huge and hard he is for you. When he sees your concern he kisses your forehead, then your lips. “I won’t hurt you Angel, I promise.” You nod and smile, and he starts easing into you, stopping every so often when he can tell the stretch is too much. He kisses your cheeks, your shoulders, your lips, whatever he can get his mouth on as he pants and mumbles little praises. “I love you”, “You’re doin’ so well”, “You’re takin’ me sooo well”, “God, you’re so beautiful, you know how beautiful you are Angel?”, “Ahh, you’re so fuckin’ tight and wet for me Angel, you want me that badly?”. The praises and teases help you considerably to keep you relaxed, and fuck, you DO want him. So fucking badly, you need him. When he’s finally seated inside you fully, he waits, clearly using every last bit of his restraint and self control to give you time to adjust. When you finally whine and buck your hips up on him, he loses it. “I hope you’re fuckin’ ready, Angel.”

>You find rather quickly that Dabi’s style is a beautiful mix of “fucking” and “making love”. He fucks you, hard and deep, so much so that it makes you see stars, but while he does it he’s caging you in-between his arms, holding you close while he pistons in and out of you. He looks you in the eyes, watching your reactions, quickly finding what angle makes you convulse and let out those beautiful moans and coos that he’s now desperate to hear.

>When he nears his end, he reaches down between you again to rub sweet circles against your clit, because no way is Dabi cumming first. It’s just not his style.

-Shigaraki-

>BRAIN ROT

> Shigaraki is definitely happy that you’re inexperienced, he’d kill anyone who had ever laid a hand on you before him. You belonged to him.

> It also means that you’re a virgin, which really gets him going because hes a pervert. ((He’s also secretly glad that he’s not the only virgin))

> He is touch starvvveeeeddddddd. We all know this. But at first, he’s so hesitant to touch you, for fear of destroying you.

> You are patient with each other, and together you find out what works and what doesn’t. He got some artist gloves so he could hold your fucking hand without hyperventilating about dusting you. He’s still afraid of you disappearing beneath his fingertips.

> You were never, not even for a second, worried that he would hurt you. You knew that he could, that he had the ability, but you knew that he wouldn’t.

> He wasn’t so sure, he was afraid of rolling over in the night and finding a pile of dust where you used to be. He wakes up from nightmares about it and has to wake you up to hold you while he shakes uncontrollably. He just has to know you’re alive.

> You both get more and more comfortable with physical proximity and contact together, because you both wanted it, you were both just so worried about fucking everything up.

> When the time came where both of you decided you were ready to have sex, you admitted to him that you were afraid of not measuring up to his expectations. All these “what if’s” kept popping up in your mind: “what if he doesn’t find my body attractive enough”, “what if I don’t know how to move right”, “what if I cant please him”, etc. etc. etc.

> He just looks at you kind of taken aback and confused. He was worried about you not being able to see him as sexually attractive because of how he looked, he was just as self-conscious as you. “Darling, you’re the most perfect person in existence, how can you not see that? Look at me! I’m... I... Look like this! How could I ever hope that someone as beautiful as you could ever see me that way?”

>You didn’t immediately know how to respond. You were... heartbroken that he saw himself that way. You couldn’t image him being self-conscious about anything because in your eyes, he was a god. He was perfect and angelic and you told him as much. You looked at him with such adorably big eyes and your voice was full of so much honesty and adoration, he had to have you immediately. He’d never felt desired, he had never felt lovable. He always thought it would be a miracle if anyone would ever be able to even stomach looking at him without cringing away in disgust. But you were so perfect and you loved him so immediately and so much that it knocked him out. He launches himself at you and just kisses you for a while.

> You both fumbled around a bit at first, trying to find what felt best. You both quickly came to the conclusion that you were going to have to practice together. A lot. As much as possible actually, because even in your inexperience, you both felt more amazing than you ever had in your lives. When you were connected like this, panting, kissing, licking, trying your damndest to become one being, it felt like bliss. You never wanted it to stop.

-Aizawa-

> MORE FUCKING BRAIN ROT

> Aizawa has an innocence kink. There I fucking said it.

> When it comes to the person he’s with, he’s a shameless flirt, and while he would NEVER cross a line or pressure you, he definitely does his best to get you in the mood whenever he can, much to your naïve frustration.

> At first you genuinely don’t even realize he’s doing it on purpose. The heated looks he gave you that made your knees weak? You didn’t think he was doing that on purpose, it’s just because he’s... tired? And he always looks so gorgeous, so that’s why. He ALWAYS makes your knees weak. Yeah that’s all it is, obviously.

> And when he comes up behind you, hands on your hips gently, and lowly rumbling in your ear. Sometimes it’s just comments about whatever you’re doing, which was bad enough. But sometimes it was mumbled compliments. About your outfit, how good it made your ass look. About how soft your hair was, how good you smelled, the softness of your skin while he gently rubbed his stubble against your neck.

>YOU COULDN’T FUCKING HANDLE IT.

> He was so soft most of the time, cuddling you while watching movies, cooking together, dancing in the kitchen with you at 3 in the morning after he finished grading papers. The shift that happened when he would get flirtatious was dizzying.

> You were nervous though, Aizawa was a bit older than you, and obviously way more experienced that you. One night while you were curled up in bed together, you told him you were nervous about disappointing him when the time finally came. He sat up and turned a light on immediately and pulled you into his lap. He held you and stroked your hair and told you how much you meant to him, how you could never disappoint him, how much he wanted you, and how he was willing to wait however long you needed. He held you until he was sure you felt better about it, and then he held you until he was sure you were asleep. You were the most important person in the world to him, and he wasn’t gonna let you think anything was ever gonna change that.

> When you finally got tired of his teasing and felt like you were ready, you decided to get him back. Before he got home, you put on one of his long shirts as a dress and started getting dinner ready.

> When he walked through the door and saw that you were wearing nothing but one of his black button ups, he had to maintain every ounce of his self control to contain the rush of feral need that suddenly consumed him. Now it was HIS turn to assume you were being innocent. And man did you play it up. “What’s wrong Shota? Are you feeling okay?” And you bat your big beautiful eyes at him. He was going to have a stroke.

> It wasn’t until you bent over and he noticed you weren’t wearing anything under his shirt that he realized it was an invitation. He came up behind you, caging you in against the counter, and growled lowly in your ear, “Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” He gently pushed his growing erection against your ass, making you gasp. Score.

> “W-what do you mean?” you looked up at him as innocently as you could. He took your hand and pressed it to the front of his pants. He groaned low in his chest, thankful for any friction. “Don’t play dumb with me, kitten. You know exactly what you’re doing. I think you should take responsibility.” You grinned.

> “Yes Sir,” he jolts at that, and you sink your knees and get to work undoing the fastenings on his hero costume. When his cock springs free, you eagerly give it kitten licks until he’s had enough. He grips you by your hair and gently guides your mouth down onto his cock. He’s big, bigger than you can take, but that doesn’t stop Aizawa from purposefully making you gag on him every so often. He really does get off on how innocent you are, the tears that hang in your eyes from gagging on his cock. He’s gonna cum soon if he’s not careful.

> After he’s had his fun making you suck him off, he pulls you up and carries you off to bed. No way he’s taking your virginity on the floor, he’s too much of a gentleman. And dinner, what dinner? Thank god nothing happened to be on the stove or in the oven.

> He sets you down in bed and kisses you, takes his shirt off of you and finishes ridding himself of his hero costume. He takes pride in getting you ready for him, relishing in your sweet noises and how wet you are for him. A fact that he teases you about. “S-Shotaaa~” you moan and clench down on his fingers. He smirks, “What happened to ‘Sir’, hmm? I liked that, you know...” All you can do is whine up at him in response.

> When you feel like you’re close to cumming, you whine louder and clench down harder and before you can reach your peak, he stops. You whine in frustration before he leans down and rumbles, “Oh no, kitten, the only way you’re cumming is if you cum on my cock.” You gasp and nearly convulse at his filthy words, but you’ve never felt like you needed him more.

> He fucks you gently, at first anyway. For as long as he can. He rolls his hips into you and angles his thrusts expertly, aiming for that spot inside you that’ll make your head spin. And he hits it. Every time. And your head DOES spin. And soon you can feel the pressure build again and you start whining again, “Sh-Shouta, please! I’m s-oh! So close!” He smiles, and decides to take pity on you. He pistons harder, faster, brings a hand to your core to rub circles against your clit and when you cum, you scream his name and he can’t take it anymore. He slams into you, chasing his own high and simultaneously extends yours. You’re seeing stars by the time he cums deep into you. He rolls over, bringing you with him. You lie on top of him and he strokes your hair, and you just hold each other for a while.

-Shinso-

> I wanna say this now, Shinso is Aizawa Jr. I’m so sorry, but its true. They’re both tired, overworked, cat lovers that just wanna come home and cuddle and pass out.

> He knows he’s your first boyfriend. You met at UA and pretty much bonded immediately. Now that you’re both pro-heros working for the same agency? It was only a matter of time before he made a move. And thank whatever higher power exists that you have the same schedule. More time for cuddles.

> HOWEVER! Don’t let the fact that he’s a cuddle-bug fool you. He frequently has to remember that you’re a virgin and you’ve never been in a relationship before, so you have no idea how much he’s affected by you answering your door on a Saturday morning you both had off wearing one of his hoodies that absolutely swallows you. Looking up at him smiling and yawning sleepily, rubbing one of your eyes and groggily asking, “What are you doing here so early? I thought we weren’t going out till tonight?”. He has to breathe deeply to stop himself from jumping you.

> Because much like Aizawa, seeing you so sleepy and soft and small and knowing how innocent and naive you are to all of the things you do that make him need you... is going to make him lose his mind. Quickly.

> Instead of an innocence kink though, this motherfucker has a corruption and a mind break kink. He wants to make it impossible for you to feel pleasure without him, he wants to make you need him desperately, forever. And he wants to do it without the help of his quirk. But that would all come in time, at the moment he has to stop himself from cumming in his pants because you’re bending over on your way to your room so you can change, stooping to pet your cat and his hoodie rode up your ass and he can see your lacy black panties and you were GOING to drive him insane long before he ever got the chance to make you his, he was sure.

> He had brought you coffee and suggested you just stay in all day since you both had such a late night. Watching movies and stuff. You know, normal stuff. He told himself he wasn’t going to try and make a move. Right? Right.

> But when you emerged from your room 45 minutes later, showered and changed, your hair still damp and a droplet of water drifting down your neck and landing in the dip of your collar bones, all he could think of was licking it up. How good your hair must smell, how your skin was still probably warm form the water... He was staring, and you pretended not to notice.

> You were nervous about not measuring up to his expectations. You’d seen the women he usually went out with, and how comfortable they were with their bodies and their sexuality. How beautiful they were. As far as you were concerned, you were nothing like them.

> He could see the gears turning in your head and the downturn of your mouth, and he asked you what was wrong. He motioned for you to come sit with him, and it wasn’t five seconds before he pulled you into his lap. After some coaxing, you let him know what you were worried about. He assured you that the reason he was so happy with you is because you weren’t anything like the women he had dated before. Because, not only were you far more beautiful than they were, they had also been conceited and cold, only dating him because he was an up and coming pro-hero that could get them into events so they could dump him for the first bigger hero they’d meet. He liked that you were soft and warm and he could trust you, that you had always trusted him, even despite his quirk.

> You talked for awhile, and as the morning sun drifted higher into the sky, you decided it was time to door dash some food. While he ordered it, you excused yourself the restroom. You needed to think. The heaviness of the conversation still weighed on you, and you’d never felt closer to him than you did now. It was time, you were sure. You wanted to give him everything he’d been waiting so patiently for, he deserved it. And so did you damnit, no more of this scaredy-cat bullshit! You gave yourself your best war face in the mirror before you exited the bathroom and going back to the living room where Shinsou was reclined on your couch. Head tilted back, resting on the pillow behind him.

> He was so beautiful. Lavender hair a wild mess, eyes closed and lashes fluttering softly. You wanted to kiss his neck suddenly, and unlike when urges like this usually happened, you didn’t shove the thought away. You quickly straddled him and, before he had the chance to question you, you began kissing up and down his neck softly. “K-kitty...” he groaned beneath you, gripping your waist, his hips jerking up against yours.

> After a while of your explorative kissing, he growled impatiently and flipped you over easily, pressing you into the couch. He kissed you like he might die if he didn’t, deep and slow and desperate. When he finally broke for air and looked at you, he felt his heart and his dick jump. Your flushed face and your eyes that were looking up at him through your eyelashes heavily, your mouth hanging open gasping and your kiss bitten lips, your brows softly cinched at the effort it took for you to remember you needed to breathe.

> He asks you if you’re sure you were ready, and when you nod dazedly up at him he doesn’t need any more convincing.

> He takes his time, he’s slow and methodical. He wants your first time to be an enjoyable experience. Something you can look back on fondly and remember how much he loved you, how good it felt, how comfortable you were. He wanted it to be better than his first time, drunk after a hero convention, with some woman who didn’t remember his name in the morning and never called him back. He pushed the thought away. He focused on you, on how perfect you were.

> When he finally thrusts into you, you think you want to feel like this forever. You tell him so, and beams with pride, pushing your pleasure further. Kissing your neck and praising you. Telling you how perfect you are, telling you all the things you do that drive him crazy, telling you that he’s never going to let you go, that you’re his forever and he’s yours.

> You cum together, and you think that everything in the world must have always been this beautiful. You spend the rest of the day cuddling, eating, and making love.

-Bakugo-

> No thoughts in this mans head. None. At least when it comes to romance. When you first start dating, you had to make the first move cause his oblivious ass just thought you were challenging him. You had to explain to him that what you were actually doing was called “flirting”.

> So when it comes to your first time, you know you’re gonna have to make the first move there too. He fears rejection, so he avoids the things he really wants the most. Which in this case is you whining on his dick.

> But he also knows you’re a virgin and he doesn’t wanna scare you, so he leaves it be. Trusting his fist to get the job done when he really needs to let off some steam. Either by punching shit or jerking off.

> One day, you do catch him jerking off, and you immediately start to (stupidly) think that you’re not enough for him, that he might leave you for someone who can give him what he needs. You don’t think he notices you having a mini panic attack in the hallway so you sneak back to the kitchen to catch your breath and think. Why HAD you waited this long? What were you waiting FOR? You guessed you had just been worried about not knowing what to do, about him getting impatient and annoyed with you for your lack of experience.

> Making your final decision, you square your shoulders and march yourself back to your shared room. You confidently open the door to find him ... waiting for you?

> “Tch, took you long enough. You done freakin’ out now?” He grumbles from his spot on the bed. You nod meekly and he opens his arms for you, an invitation you gratefully accept. He pets your head and continues grumbling, “ just as bad as shitty-hair, nobody ever knocks anymore. You shouldn’t be surprised when you just try to walk in like that...”

> He keeps petting your head until eventually you hit him with it. “‘Tsuki, I wanna... uhm...” you look up at him with pleading eyes hoping his quirk somehow suddenly allows him to read your mind.

> It doesn’t. “ You wanna what? C’mon, spit it out.” No thoughts, remember?

> You huff and blush and finally squeak out, “Wanna make you feel good, ‘Tsuki...”

> His brain stops working momentarily. When he catches back up, he smirks. “Seriously? It just took you gettin’ jealous over my left hand for you to be ready?”, he teased. You stick out your tongue and he grabs your jaw, looks you dead in the eyes when he says, “I have something much more important for that cute little mouth to do.”

> Your eyes go wide at his suggestion, even though it really doesn’t surprise you. When Katsuki wants something he wants to go all out, no half-assing it. You nod nervously and he laughs at your apprehension, allowing you to shift down his body until you were face to face with his fly. You undid the button and zipper with shaky hands, and gently guide his dick out of his jeans.

> Beautiful is the first word to come to your mind. Beautiful and massive, just like the rest of him. He was easily over six feet tall, and built too so it really shouldn’t have surprised you, but it did. For a moment all you can do is look up at him from your place below him, your big strong hero. You melt a little and you notice him smirking down at you again, “What ‘ya lookin’ at, princess?”. He gently strokes your cheek while you admire him, “You.” you reply dazedly. His smirk widens to a bear malicious grin, “Me? How come?”. A feeling you’re not totally familiar with, but you’re pretty sure is called submission, fills you suddenly and you feel warm and content. “You’re perfect,” you bat your eyelashes and bite your lip as you gently start to stroke your hand up and down his length.

>He controls his breathing, because he really can’t handle you looking so cute with his cock that close to your pretty little face. “‘Tch, and? What’s got you so worked up about it?” You giggle and nuzzle your face into the base of his cock and look up at him innocently. “I’m just glad I’m yours,” you smile and lick him from base to tip before gently taking him into your mouth. You’d read enough smut online to at least have some idea how to do this.

> He almost cums when you say that you’re glad to be his. His, he grins. He doesn’t get to think about that for too long though because your warm, wet tongue is sliding up his shaft and then your pretty little mouth engulfs him and he thinks he might hyperventilate if you keep looking up at him like that. He’d almost say it wasn’t fair, but then you start moving and he thinks that he could actually die happily from the warm bliss that fills him while he watches you try to take more and more of him down your throat.

> This is much more fun than you thought it would be, especially because Katsuki keeps letting out those little sighs and groans, you’re pretty sure he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. You hollow out your cheeks and suck a bit harder before taking a deep breath and relaxing your throat as much as possible. You lower yourself down as far as you can, pushing past the ring of muscle in the back of your throat before moving down further. You feel him lay his hand gently, encouragingly, on the back of your head. You’re surprised when you find your nose nestled in the light blonde fuzz at the base of him and you stick your tongue out to lap at the underside.

> He jolts when you begin your descent. You’re not really gonna try to deep-throat him, are you? He watches you, mesmerized. No ones ever even tried, always saying he was way too big. It felt way too good. He laid a hand on the back of your head to ground himself, quickly realizing he had to control himself so that he didn’t clench his fist in your hair or shove you down all the way and hold you there. When you reached your goal, he sighed. Your throat felt perfect wrapped around him, just like he knew it would. When he felt your tongue sneak out of your mouth and lick, he thanked whatever creator there was that your tongue was long enough to reach his anchor. when you start to move your head up and down, he can only take it for so long before he’s thrusting up into your mouth. When you gag on him, that’s it, he has to pull you off him before he grips your head and suffocates you on his cock.

> He’s nearly at the point of begging, but thankfully, mercifully, you seem to get the idea. You wipe your mouth and lie back on the bed, giggling at his abruptness and he growls in response. He kisses you, and praises you, telling you how good you are, how much he needs to be inside you as he undresses you. You’re surprised at how automatically your legs open for him, and you tell him how much you need him inside of you as well. You feel so empty all of a sudden. Until one of his thick fingers finds your molten core and gathers some of your slick before sinking into you and you gasp.

> He continues to kiss and praise you as he works you with his fingers. You whine and moan and beg, it’s like music to his ears. When he thinks you’re ready, he lines himself up with your entrance, sliding up and down, grinding against your clit briefly before continuing. “I wanna hear you beg for it, princess.” and fuck, did you beg. A beautiful litany of filthy fucking words fell from your mouth, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He sinks into you fully in one thrust, gripping your open legs for stability.

> At first you can’t speak, you can’t make any noise at all. You feel so unbelievably full, and you look up at him and his eyes are clenched shut and his jaw is set. He’s holding himself back. He’s trying to be gentle with you because it’s your first time. He really is very sweet when he wants to be. You raise a shaky hand to his face and he leans into it. He met your eyes and you watch as his control falters when he sees you bent in half like this. You smile, “Katsuki, please”, is all you can say. It seems to open the flood gates. For all his self control, he pounds into you mercilessly and it fills you with the most intense feeling of ecstasy. “F-fuck ‘Tsuki, you feel s-so fucking good,” you moan and gasp brokenly.

> He cums hard. Grunting, growling, and near snarling the whole way through. You’re seeing stars, even though you haven’t cum. It had felt so fucking amazing, and you’re more than content with that. Katsuki is definitely not however, and is intent on eating you out until you beg for mercy. He always takes such good care of you.

[nakedbibi333]

hi! im kind of new to law of assumption and old to law of attraction. law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused. i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier? i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc. i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof?? i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine? like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results. i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting. i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong?? I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me. I can even dm you, just please help me so I can actually manifest what I want. I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking. I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet. I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want. I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist

Hi! Okay, so since this is a very long post, I will try to answer each of your questions/concerns in the order you mention them.

So about persisting, I can understand how it seems a bit complicated. You persist when, after a certain period of time, you still don't see movement of your desires manifesting OR if you see the OPPOSITE of your desires manifest. Oftentimes, when you finally open up your mind to the idea that your mind creates your reality, then some past doubts and fears can manifest as well. Your mind will often try to manifest opposite things in order to make you feel like you are doing something wrong, which is why so many loa teachers say to persist. It can be very difficult for people to persist, which is why so many people feel like they can't manifest, or that manifestation isn't real, because their 3D reality has too much weight in their lives, so they take it as truth and end up giving up on their desires manifesting. It's important to begin to believe that your 3D reality is extremely malleable and is only a reflection of your inner reality. You need to take the power away from the 3D and give it to yourself and your ability to create exactly what you want.

Then you ask about proof of manifestation. It is very true and understandable that other people's success stories are not enough for many people because you want to be able to trust the information that you are going to be getting into. Personally, before getting into manifestation, I already had my fair share of unexplainable success stories in my life, so it just seemed like an answer to the questions I've had all my life. Even with these success stories and experiences, when I first got into manifestation, I still would doubt myself by wondering if it was simply a coincidence these things happened, or worse, that I was becoming delusional. I want to tell you that every single person who is now into manifestation has gone through this feeling. We all worry that we are just doing "wishful thinking" and being delusional because the world we have grown up in has always been so practical. It's not easy to believe in something that seems so impossible without any previous personal experience. So, the only advice I can give you for this is to try to manifest extremely small things to build your faith over time, such as seeing a yellow butterfly, getting your favorite food, or seeing some sort of sign, so that you would know that what we are talking about is actually the truth. Also, there are so many documents that go more in-depth on how our minds create our reality, including CIA documents and books about the science of manifestation, such as books by Joe Dispenza, and books about the subconscious mind, such as books by Joseph Murphy, and many many more. Since the only way, you will really believe in manifestation is by having your own experiences, then manifesting small easy things is probably the best route.

Then, you mention how you're worried about "someone manifesting failure into your reality." My view on this is that you are the only person who can affect your life and nothing can happen to you that you don't specifically manifest into your reality (whether it be consciously or unconsciously). Everyone can manifest, yes. Everyone has control over their reality. You can even manifest people acting in certain ways towards you. But that's in your experience specifically. If we are talking about quantum physics, time is not linear, technically all possibilities of all time, ever, exists right now. We also shift through different realities at every moment depending on our mindset, beliefs, and decisions. So, if someone manifests something in their life that would affect "you" but does not align with your thoughts and beliefs, then it won't show up in your reality. You have control over your own reality, nothing comes into your life without you allowing it, so that's a very empowering thought, in my opinion. I really suggest that you affirm this so that you don't have to worry about others manifesting negativity over your life because you would never personally decide to manifest it into your own life.

I also want to talk about how you worry about affirming wrong or simply manifesting wrong. It's Important to note that these beliefs can also negatively affect your manifestation because that is not you truly living in the end. If you were living in the end, you would know that simply deciding that you want this to happen, means that it will happen and that it has to happen. You never need to doubt your manifesting process because your subconscious mind is so powerful and it is so easy to make it do things for you! Just like what @divineangelbee says, you can COMMAND your subconscious mind and it will listen and give you exactly what you want. You don't have to visualize or affirm or do anything. Simply tell your subconscious exactly what you want it to do and trust that it listens! I really think that the reason that you have not been having too much success is because of this, that you are constantly doubting your methods which keeps you from truly living in the end.

Then, about limiting beliefs. It can be beneficial to people to be aware of their limiting beliefs. However, there has been such an intense focus on limiting beliefs in the loa community (mostly on youtube) that I see so much. Coaches keep you focused on the problem of limiting beliefs so much that they don't actually help you move on from them. Personally, I found that whenever I focused on my limiting beliefs, it was like living in the old story. (if you don't get this reference, I seriously suggest you read or listen to Neville Goddard's lectures in which he talks about the law of assumption. They are life-changing). Focusing on limiting beliefs keeps you stuck in that story you are telling yourself about your life. It keeps you from overcoming them and becoming limitless. It helps me to affirm that my limiting beliefs no longer have the power to hold me back. I don't have any more limiting beliefs because I manifested not having them anymore. Manifestation works in many different ways, and a lot of people don't realize that you can simply manifest your desired mindset as well. I suggest trying this!

So, to make this as clear as possible, I will tell you how I personally manifest (disclaimer: people manifest differently, many different things work for different people, I am not saying this is the only or best way to manifest, but this is just what works for me).

First, I get my idea of what I want to manifest. Usually, I want to manifest multiple things at a time, there really is no limit.

Then, I will decide what will help me "feel it real" and "live in the end." This can include techniques, but I don't use techniques every time. I don't like to visualize because I am personally a maladaptive daydreamer, so visualizing makes me feel like I am daydreaming, which keeps me from really feeling like it's really happening. (But, if it works for you, by all means, go for it) I may print out a picture if it's a physical item in order to trick my brain into having something physical that represents this or adding it to a Pinterest vision board (I am a very visual person, so it always works for me). I also like to make a list of what I want just to keep it in a place that I can go back to and mark off in the future, telling my brain that this is a goal I need to achieve (I find that my brain loves to check things off of my goals, it makes my subconscious mind already start working towards the goal). But most of the work goes into my mindset. I don't affirm a lot because I feel like it becomes a chore if I have to recite affirmations all day every day. I may put up affirmations on my chalkboard or put them on my computer, but I don't make it a habit to really say them at specific times, etc. I really focus on making myself feel deserving of getting my manifestation and I also live in the end. Living in the end is where you feel confident that your desire is already yours. If it helps, which it does for me, I like to believe that I have it already in the "quantum field," or the 5D, or however you believe in it. It is not about being delusional and pretending like you have it, no, it's about feeling trusting in your own power to make this happen for you and it will come, no matter what.

After that, I "drop it." I don't forget about it or stop desiring it, that's not what letting go means. It means that I know that I don't need to do anything or force anything to happen because my subconscious, or the universe, will bring this to me and I don't need to worry about anything related to my desire. I also self-regulate my emotions by meditating, focusing on the things that make me happy, and reminding myself of how powerful and capable I am.

Then, eventually, it manifests. Or, if it doesn't come in the timeframe I wanted it to, or if something that would oppose my desire pops up, I focus on my own self-concept, making sure I genuinely feel deserving of and that I can get what I want, and I persist in that feeling that my desire is still mine. No matter if I got rejected, no matter if they told me I couldn't get the job, no matter if it looks like it won't happen. I still persist. and then it comes.

Finally, I want to mention that I am only here to give advice and I can't make anything physically happen for you. To see actual movement in your reality, you need to be willing to go through failures in order to find out what works for you. I have had manifestations fail, I have had MANY manifestations fail. It's not always a perfect process. I don't charge money, my identity is not on this page, I am not here to be a famous coach or to act like I know any better than anyone else. I am just trying to help you guys reach the point that you deserve to get to in your life. But I can only do so much. I really hope this helps.