#im so tired for being the Disappointment of her life even when i try my best :DDD

[innielove]

i legit might not make it to graduate 😀👍🏻

[wonwoonlight]

my way to you:

of dreams and moonlight / jeon wonwoo

➝ Wonwoo x fem!Reader

➝ rich!AU // heir & heiress!AU // est relationship // best friends to lovers <3 // fluff // slice of life // theyre too fucking in love its sickening // wedding talks

➝ warning: curses, so much fluff it's disgusting, kissing, they love each other so much im just projecting bc i want this!!!! D:

➝ word count: 8k~

A/N: happy new year! a little something from me to any of you who might remember this couple <3 i miss them and i love them sm. tell me if you enjoy this?

my way to you masterlist

[✾✾✾]

You and Wonwoo don't want a big wedding.

Yes, you do want the extravagant, over the top wedding because you've always liked celebrations and you're not gonna miss out on the celebration between you and Wonwoo. But you don't want it to be a big one with a bazillion people you don’t even recognize: just an intimate one with your close friends and family.

Naturally, you can't always get what you want.

You also understand why both of your parents insist on having a big one. In a world where your prestige matters more than anything, a wedding between the youngest son of the Jeons and the only heir of the Yoons simply can’t be anything but more than perfect. The biggest, most perfect celebration of the century, if possible. It needs to be something that the word ‘grandeur’ can’t even comprehend because it’s out of its league.

So you settle for a middle ground.

“Okay.” You say as your mother and Mrs. Jeon brief you on the wedding concepts they have come up with. You don’t even listen to half the things they said, because you know they would do better than you anyway. They wouldn’t pick anything not to your standard, and while some details you might not agree with, you believe the whole wedding would be perfect even without your input.

“Dear…” Your mom starts, hesitates a little because she doesn’t want you to think they’re pushing you into this. “We… We would like your opinion on this, you know? You’re a planner yourself, we'd understand if you have other thoughts regarding this.”

“Mom…” You bite back a sigh, not wanting her to think you're tired of her. The relationship between you and your parents are getting better ever since, and even though it's been almost two years since that incident, all three of you are still trying.

It's a long time coming, and while the relationship is better, it's still not what you'd call harmonious nor ideal.

It's okay though. You have your faults and they have theirs. It's not going to be easy to change the dynamics of your family, but you're glad all of you have recognized that some things need to be changed and the three of you have been putting in efforts albeit the sweet time you're all taking.

Understandable. It's never easy to change a habit and the way you treat people--even your own family.

“I simply think you and auntie will do a better job than I am.” You say in what you wish to be a gentle tone. You don't want to come off like you're complaining, but you can't be faulted for not being too enthusiastic because you know from the beginning that your wedding wouldn't be your dream wedding.

It's okay, though. You're not complaining–it's just a thought you keep to your own self and you really are grateful that your mom and Mrs. Jeon seem to be very excited about the whole thing. After all, you're an only child and Mrs. Jeon doesn't have another child's wedding she's going to be a part of.

When you and Wonwoo announced that you're engaged, the two women cried so much that your father, the man who barely blinked even during a car accident he found himself in, panicked. 

It was quite funny, if you're being completely honest. But since then, you could tell that they both are more excited about the wedding ceremony than you are.

And while there's a small voice inside you that's still disappointed because you're not going to have your dream wedding, you're genuinely happy that the two women who will mostly be in charge of it are, well, very happy about it.

You can give them this.

“It's your celebration, too.” You give them a small, genuine smile. And even though they wince a bit at what you might be implying, you don't mean anything bad, so you correct yourself before they get the wrong idea. “I understand, Mom. We kind of have no choice but to make it big, and it's okay. I told you I've accepted it. We didn't tell you about our wish to make it small to guilt trip you and Auntie. It's just something me and Wonwoo have talked about but it's okay. It's really okay. Just consider it silly musings on our part?”

Your mom, ever since the whole missing accident, has gotten very soft, too.

Well, either that or you simply haven't spent enough time with her before to be aware of her emotional tendency.

“Oh my–why… why are you crying?!” You panic, looking at Mrs. Jeon who seems to know exactly why your mom is crying.

“It’s just…” She clears her throat and composes herself, softly apologizes for the sudden emotional burst. “When… did you grow this mature?”

Feeling awkward, you're not sure how to answer that. You're not the most talkative in front of your parents, and sentimental talks like this are the worst thing ever because, as much as you appreciate it, you never know how to respond to them.

Not that you ever had to until now.

She didn't become like this right after that incident, but once the wedding planning begins, you find yourself spending a lot of time with her (and Mrs. Jeon, of course, but you've always been more comfortable with her than your mom) and that's when she becomes more open with you.

“Uhh…” You turn to Mrs. Jeon in desperation, asking for her help with your eyes. She simply smiles though and mouths you not to worry.

The wedding discussion continues for a little after that, but after you convince them that you're really giving them full control and they can proceed with anything while you'll simply join the discussion from time to time and for the final decisions, they know that there's no use trying to change your mind.

At least you're not completely abandoning the discussion, simply prefer to not be included in it intensely.

You go home (read: Wonwoo's penthouse) after that, and it's thirty minutes later that Wonwoo also returns, finding you unmoving on the couch, seemingly deep in your thoughts.

“Hey, princess.” He greets you, which you return with both of your arms extending towards him. He chuckles and happily pulls you into a hug, maneuvers the both of you so you're sitting on his lap and you just melt into his chest. “Long day?”

“Met Mom and Auntie for the wedding prep discussion.”

Wonwoo actually laughs, and you pout at him and pretend to get away only for him to tighten his arms around you.

“Did they give you a hard time?”

“Just… I don't know.”

He hums as he takes in your face; you don't look like you're annoyed, just a little tired and somewhat disoriented. You're probably still deep in your head and need more time before you're able to tell him.

“I'll wash up, then dinner, and we can talk about it later?”

You look up and stare at him for a few seconds, gathering your thoughts before you nod and peck his lips.

“You know me too well.” You kiss his cheek after that. “I'll order some Thai food?”

“Anything you want, my princess.” He teases you and avoids your punch just in time because he knows you and your violence tendency when it comes to that particular pet name paired with a certain tone of his.

An hour and a dinner later, you found yourself cuddled up on Wonwoo's bed–at this point your bed because you rarely go back to your place anyway and you've basically moved in with him the moment you got together–his fingers playing with your hair as you try to look for something on YouTube as a background noise to play on his TV.

You take your time, which Wonwoo doesn't complain about. He never does. He knows you too much to complain about anything that you do at this point, not that he has much to complain about to begin with. God, he’s too whipped it doesn’t make sense. 

“I told Mom that I don't want to get too involved in the wedding prep.”

“Yeah?” He nudges you to continue, already aware of how you feel about the wedding preparation talks. “And what did she say about that?”

“She's not too happy, I reckon. But not in an angry way; I guess she and Auntie want me to be fully involved. But…”

“You're not enthusiastic because it's not gonna be your dream wedding anyway?”

“Yeah.” You sigh, in which Wonwoo can easily detect the guilt. “But Iike… I'm really grateful for them, Won. I really am. They seem happier and much more excited than I am planning the wedding, so I thought: why not just let them plan the whole thing? Plus it's not going to be easy to pretend to be invested in it all the time. I know I'm going to sound so spoiled and ungrateful but… I just want to get married to you surrounded by people who matter, you know?”

Wonwoo holds back a grin, still finding the idea of the two of you actually getting married to be surreal. He literally proposed to you again even if you've already proposed under the privacy of your hotel room because you deserve it. Obviously, you say yes. And yet, when anyone mentions your wedding and marriage, Wonwoo still can't believe it and he's very giddy inside.

“I know, love.” He caresses your hair and rests his cheek on top of your head. He presses his lip together as the gears in his mind turn, thinking if there's anything he could do to help. “You're right about them being excited, though. Dad says it's the only thing Mom talks about now.”

“Right?” Your smile is genuine, that much he can obviously tell. “That's why I thought I'd just let them do the whole thing. It's going to be their last chance to do it, anyway. After me and you, they probably won't be able to do this anymore.”

Wonwoo hums, but you're seemingly not done yet.

“Unless we divorce and you decide to remarry, I guess.”

“What the fuck?” He curses out of shock, not expecting those words to come out of you, and you laugh heartily at how scandalized he looks. “Why would you say something like that?”

You can't stop giggling, because Wonwoo rarely curses and when he does it's usually out of frustration that's been piling up. It sounds so childish to laugh over something like this, but you just can't seem to stop laughing despite the mock offense on his face.

Wonwoo pushes your cheeks together with his palms, making your lips purse like a duck, as he narrows his eyes at you.

“You do not speak like that, okay?” He reminds you seriously. “Don’t even joke about breaking up with me. You’re stuck with me, marriage or not.”

You scrunch your nose, and after struggling for a while, Wonwoo finally releases you and you grin at him as your arms wrap around his neck.

“You talk like it’s a bad thing.” You whisper shyly with a kiss to his cheek. “It would be my pleasure to be stuck with you.”

“Good.” He states shamelessly and it’s his turn to drop a kiss on top of your head. He’s getting brazen like that when it’s the two of you, which is a good thing because he’s now much more open to expressing himself instead of holding in whatever he’s feeling–good or bad.

Being with Wonwoo romantically for almost two years now, you find that there is still stuff that you don’t know about each other; that you still have a lot to learn and you’re happy to learn every single thing about him. You bicker quite often, because you’re the type to bring things to the surface as soon as possible while Wonwoo tends to bury them first and only uncover them later when it becomes a problem.

You’ve both learned how to take a middle ground for each other.

“Tell me about your dream wedding, then.” He says as you lay together, ready for bed. “I don’t think I’ve heard you talk about it after Jinyoung’s wedding.”

“You really want to listen to me talk about this?” Skepticism fills your voice and you look up only to see him shrug.

“Amuse me. I want to know what kind of wedding you actually want.”

You ponder for a bit, not actually having a detailed image of how you want it to be. During Jinyoung’s wedding preparation, you have a lot of opinions on what to do and what not to do based on his ceremony, but, funnily enough, you’ve never really thought about what your wedding would look like.

Having been the project manager for Yoon Holdings’ functions for years and now arranging Daisy Studio’s events and projects, you’re used to listening to what the other party wants and bringing them to life.

But to have what you want brought to life…?

“Do you not actually know?”

“It’s not that.” You whine and sit straight. “I just don’t know exactly the details of what I want.”

Wonwoo laughs at this, and he hugs you back into his arms before he lets you go to follow your posture. “It doesn’t have to be detailed, love. Just tell me what you have in mind right now?”

It’s then that you realize you’ve never talked about this with Wonwoo. Yes, you’ve mentioned some of your preferences during Jinyoung’s wedding preparation, but to actually talk about your dream wedding…? On top of you not having a real idea about what you want it to be, it just doesn’t occur to you to talk about it to him.

“Well, I want it to be an intimate one. Just our… main family? Maybe close cousins. And then Chaeyoung, of course. Soonyoung, obviously. Jennie will probably come, I don’t mind her being invited.”

“And that’s it?”

“Don’t tease me.” You glare at him. “I know I don’t have a lot of friends. You’re one of them.”

“Wow. Getting friendzoned, aren’t I?”

You look at him in warning once again, and he knows to drop it and he ushers you to return to his arms with a laugh. And when you settle on his shoulder, he tells you to continue which you find a hard time answering.

“I want the theme to be… celestial. I don’t know. I’ve always liked the stars and the moons, you know that, right? I definitely don’t want it to be an outdoor wedding. Hmmm…”

“Tell you what,” he cuts your musing. “Tell me everytime it comes up in your head?”

“Everytime?”

“Everytime.”

You grin at him playfully, settling inside the blanket to ready yourself for bed now that you don’t have to talk about your dream wedding anymore. You were actually excited to talk about it with Wonwoo of all people, and you were a little afraid if you don’t talk about it now, the topic wouldn’t come up again and you’d miss an opportunity to talk about it with him.

“Don’t complain once I do that everytime, mister.” You playfully wiggle your finger at him.

“I will never.” He smiles, and your heart melts once again and you didn’t even know it was still possible for you to fall for his smile when you see it everyday. “Now go to bed and have a good night, okay?”

“Alright. Night, Won.”

You dream of a wedding beneath the moonlight with no one but you and him.

[✾✾✾]

[sent a picture]

Soooo pretty right? But it- still a little outdoory for me

Won🤍: How is it not gonna be outdoor-y if it's a glass house, princess?

Shut up

You told me to tell you everytime!!!

I didnt do this so u would get smart w me😠

Won🤍: Alright, alright. Sorry.

Won🤍: So which part of it did you like?

All the flowers and the glass ceiling 🥹

Just look at them ugh

[✾✾✾]

“Hey. Sorry, I was in a meeting.” Wonwoo calls you back immediately after he got back to his office, noticing a miss call from you and a text with a single picture attached with no other message. “Anything happened?”

“Ooh, the one with SVT Inc.?” You recall him telling you last night. “How did it go?”

“It went better than I expected. I'll tell you at home. What's up?”

You hum from the other side of the call before answering. “Umm. I was trying this new fine dining with Chaeyoung and their table decorations are to die for. Like. For real.”

“Yeah?” Wonwoo smiles, already knowing where this is going. “Tell me about it.”

The both of you know Wonwoo is bad when it comes to design; that you could be explaining things in the easiest way possible for people to imagine and Wonwoo would still not get it unless you show him a picture, which you did. Still, he doesn't actually have the eyes for them and he couldn't really tell what matches with what and what do you exactly mean by “the colors seamlessly blending with each other”. 

But you like talking to Wonwoo and Wonwoo likes listening to you, so the conversation goes.

“Anyway, I just wanna say how pretty it was.” You conclude almost sheepishly. “But you told me to tell you everytime!!”

“I did.” He laughs through the phone, his posture relaxes more and more the longer he talks to you. It's almost like the tension from the day all dissipating into thin air just through your presence. “And I'm not complaining, am I?”

“Alright. See you at home?”

“See you at home.”

[✾✾✾]

“Oh my… look at that.” You sit up, a little in awe at the scene in front of you. You and Wonwoo are watching a movie together, some random movie on Netflix that you don't even remember the title of. But a wedding scene is playing out and you can't help but gasp at the beauty of it all. It's not entirely possible for an actual event to look like that, it's not practical and it's really just pretty.

Wonwoo hums and proceeds to do the same thing he always does, asks about which part you prefer from this wedding scene and listens to you talk about the technicality of it all and the details that you loved on the scene in front of you.

He never cuts you off as you talk about everything at once, and only comments once you pause or when you ask for his opinion. You don't mind this, because you know his silence doesn't mean he's not paying attention.

“Huh.” You suddenly stop mid sentence and turn to Wonwoo with furrowed brows, and he tilts his head in confusion. “What's your dream wedding?”

Wonwoo blinks, never expecting this question. He ponders for a few seconds as you wait patiently, now leaning on the sofa and never taking your eyes off him.

Your eyes are full of anticipation as he finally looks up and smiles at you, his arm moves from his lap to your shoulder and pulls you close to plant a quick kiss on your lips.

“With you as the bride.”

You’ve never cried faster in your life before.

[✾✾✾]

The wedding is in three months and, decoration wise, everything is almost settled.

“What do you think about this?”

“Hmmh. I like them. But would you mind changing the shade of the tablecloths to a slightly darker one? It would fit better with the overall ambiance of the hall decorations.”

“Of course!” Your mom happily agrees, her assistant taking notes of everything next to her. Mrs. Jeon agrees too, and you think they are just content with the fact that you have an opinion you don't mind sharing. It's always like this everytime you open your mouth and ask if it's okay to change some things, they would just agree without much fight and proceed with your opinions.

You think it's probably their way of compensating, still feeling bad for not being able to give you your dream wedding even though they've toned down on the apologetic look, which you greatly appreciate. On the contrary, they look more energetic these days, which you might guess has to do with the fact that the wedding is so close by at this point.

“What are you doing after this?” You ask once the discussion ends, your mom's assistant already back to her office.

“We want to try this new tea shop in Gangnam, actually. Want to join us?” 

“Oh, the one Mrs. Song has just opened?”

“Yeah. She's been asking me to go but I didn't have the time. So I thought I'd just go with Mrs. Jeon here.”

“I see. Do you have time for dinner with me and Wonwoo after that?”

“Of course!” Your mom says a little too quickly, in which you share a look with Mrs. Jeon and laugh at her embarrassed expression. It's then that you realize you've never really invited her to meals and have only shared meals together when it's a formal occasion or when you're over at the family house.

It's sad, if you really think about it. But you've decided not to dwell on your past relationship with your parents anymore. It won't do you any good, and now that you know what to do, that's more than enough.

“Give me or Wonwoo a call when you're done?”

“Sure thing, dear. We'll see you at dinner?”

“Do invite Father & Uncle if they're available, we don't mind.”

Your mom looks like she's about to cry at this point, another thing you still have no idea how to react to. Though you awkwardly smile at Mrs. Jeon and quietly ask for help with your eyes yet again. And as always, she comes to the rescue, taking your mom by the arm and tells you goodbye before she actually cries.

It's hours later that you see her and Mrs. Jeon again in a Japanese restaurant, a craving you've been having since last week. You and Wonwoo arrive first, your mothers not long after.

“Feels like I haven't seen you in so long, son.” His mom greets him as she sits down on the seat opposite of her son. “Drop by the house soon?”

“It’s been busy, sorry. But I’ll make sure to drop by, Mom.” He nods to your mom in greeting, then asks them about what they were doing prior and if they had fun.

“Yeah, how was the tea shop?” You join in, dropping the menu on the table now that you've decided what to order.

“It was better than I expected.” Your mom starts. “You should go some time and try their scones. You like them, don't you?”

You actually do. And you think that's the first time your mom ever says something like this to you and gets it right. A lot of firsts today, but you're accepting them with open arms and refuse to think about them too much.

“I will, mom.” You smile. “Father and Mr. Jeon couldn't make it?”

Your mom nods with a sorry smile, and you shrug before you tell them not to worry about it. After you order, the wedding talk starts once again, this time about the cake and menu, as you wait for the food to come.

As usual, Wonwoo listens and doesn't talk much, because he's gotten a lot of updates from you already and has pretty much told you about his preferences if any.

“You'll both be present for the cake tasting next week, right?”

“Yes, Mom, don't worry. I'll actually be there for once.” He grins cheekily. “We actually invited you for dinner because of that: to thank you for taking care of our wedding. It must’ve taken a lot of your time and energy.”

“Yes, I’m sorry we couldn’t really participate more and if you feel like we’re making you do everything, but we’re really thankful you’re doing all of this.” You add.

“Nonsense. We’re happy to do it for you guys. Don’t be sorry, alright? We’re the ones who are sorry we couldn’t make it your dream wedding but–”

You whine, something that your mom hasn’t really seen a lot of, and she smiles to herself at that, a reminder of how you used to be as a kid and the times she missed as you grow up.

“Stop it, Mom. I told you it’s okay. I’m already beyond grateful that you’re doing all the wedding prep, asking for my dream wedding is just too much. Please, stop feeling guilty. I'm not that spoiled, I promise you.”

Knowing you’d rather change the topic, Mrs. Jeon turns to her son. “You should've stopped by every now and then, too. Why would you make your fiancée do everything?”

“She knows what I like, Mom.” He nudges you softly, to which both mom laughs. “She knows what I want for our wedding.”

With you as the bride.

The words ring once again in your head, and you bite your lip to contain the stupid smile threatening to bloom. How can he still make your heart flutter like never before after all this time? You look down to your phone to hide your smile, pretending to answer messages you don’t really care about. 

“By the way, about what you asked for yesterday…”

Wonwoo looks at both women wide-eyed and shakes his head just enough time for you not to notice.

“Huh? You asked Auntie for something?” You try to rejoin the conversation, putting your phone back into your purse. 

“Yeah. Remember that meat pie Mom used to make when we were in university? I was just craving for them.” He makes up something on the spot, which his mom nods at, adding that she's making sure if it's okay to make them next week.

“Ooooh! Yeah I remember them! Gosh, now that you say it, it's been long since we had them, huh? Why didn't you tell me you asked Auntie for some?”

“Must've passed my mind.” He smiles sheepishly, glancing at the women across him sharing a quiet laugh. Just in time, the beverage you order comes in and the topic stops there and moves to another thing.

Blissfully unaware, you miss the knowing glances shared between the three parties of the table, too busy raving on the pretty cocktails they're serving you.

[✾✾✾]

“Do you want to come to my wedding dress fitting?” You ask one night in the middle of your skin care routine, Wonwoo scrolling on his phone on his bed.

“Isn't that a thing? Not to let the groom see their bride on the wedding dress?”

A sudden silence blankets the room, and you two stare at each other like some kind of realization hits at the same time. That you’re really getting married to each other.

That you’re his bride and he’s your groom.

Wonwoo jumps in panic when he sees you tear up, but you cover your face in embarrassment and tell him to go away instead. Wonwoo laughs as he relaxes, though he engulfs you in a hug despite your whine. Your arms hug him back though, and you tighten your arms like he’d let go.

“We’re really getting married, huh?” He whispers against your head, to which you nod and sniffle at, still trying to calm yourself down. “I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah. We’re really getting married, aren’t we?”

“Getting cold feet?” He asks jokingly, but your answer is short and firm, making his heart beats louder than he thinks possible.

“Never.”

You stay like that for a bit, until it occurs to you that Wonwoo hasn’t replied to your question so you ask him again.

“I’ll pass.” He decides, wanting to spare himself the heart attack he would get seeing you in a wedding dress. There’s a chance he would faint anyway, but he’d rather not have several fainting episodes before the wedding. “You can send me pictures if you want? Or I don’t mind being surprised too, whatever you feel like at the time, okay?”

“Hmmmkay. I’ll see when it happens then.”

“You’re going to do a fitting for the cocktail dress too, right? Did you say Jennie helped with the designs for that?”

“Yeah. Mr. Jang and Jennie collaborated for the cocktail dress, I think they made two or three even though I told them one would be enough. But, well, I can always use the cocktail dress for other functions so it’s okay.”

“You’re most excited about this, aren’t you?”

You nod happily, finally getting out of his hold to grin at him. Your eyes are twinkling like a child in a toyshop. “You know I love my dresses. Jennie showed me some of the final sketches before, and apparently they’re almost done, just need to make sure that my size hasn’t changed. But she wouldn’t let me see the dresses because she wants me to just see it with my own eyes.”

His phone pings, which cues him to let go of you to let you finish your skin care routine then checks his notifications, pressing his lips together to hide his smile.

Park Chaeyoung : One is enough right???

Park Chaeyoung : How can I convince her though?  

Just discuss with Jennie and Mr. Jang. They probably knew which one would look best on her, too. 

Also, you’re her closest friend. You would know, I’m sure.

Park Chaeyoung : I hate you😭😭😭

Park Chaeyoung : This is too much of a responsibility!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know it’s for her, though.

Park Chaeyoung : I still hate you

Park Chaeyoung : Be thankful I know how much she loves you!!

Thanks.

By the way, the YSL bag that  you said was out of stock in every store in the country is being delivered to your place. Mr. Lee is delivering it to you himself, so let him up.

Park Chaeyoung : Perhaps I like you a little 

[✾✾✾]

Yoon Jeonghan : were all ready on my side

Joshua Hong : im abt 95% done!!! 

Joshua Hong : so all shud be ok and finish on time

Thanks guys.

You've worked hard.

Would it be okay for me to go and check a day before?

Joshua Hong : sure!!!!

Yoon Jeonghan : just say when you go

Yoon Jeonghan : ill drag her smwhere so she wont get suspicious

[✾✾✾]

Kwon Soonyoung sent a picture

Kwon Soonyoung : this ok?

Great.

Send your sister my greetings. 

[✾✾✾]

Kim Jennie : Oh. You're so going to die ;)

???????????????

[✾✾✾]

“Everyone's so busy these days…” You complain over lunch, eating take outs in Wonwoo's office after his meeting because you're craving for some katsu place nearby. “You're busy. Chaeng’s busy. Jeonghan's busy. Shua's busy. Even Soonyoung is busy. What are you all even up to?”

He tenses a little, then apologizes and says perhaps it's just that time of the year. The year is about to end, and even though it's still the middle of October, things are already picking up. Plus, with Young Master Jeon and Young Miss Yoon getting married by the end of November, Wonwoo’s company and Shua's studio are trying their best to wrap as many things as possible before you and Wonwoo leave for honeymoon.

“You know what this reminds me of?”

“What?” He indulges you.

“That time when everyone's busy and only Soonyoung was possible.” That feels like a long time ago now, something that you both can look back and laugh at even though it hurt before. “You were babysitting Jennie.”

“And you fainted because I took my eyes away from you for like three seconds.”

“Stop exaggerating.”

“And now you're all buddy buddy with her.”

“Shut up.”

He laughs and you join soon after, the rest of your meal flows in the blink of an eye. Time works in a funny way when you're with him, and you wonder if it'll change once you get officially married despite all the time you already spend with him.

“The wedding is already next month, isn't it?”

“I know, right? Felt like it was just yesterday I proposed to you.”

Wonwoo pauses, and you look at him in question as he stares at you in silence.

“Did you know I cried that night?”

“...what?”

“Yeah.” He smiles to himself, putting down his chopsticks and replays that night once again in his head. He doesn't think he'd ever forget the way you look and the way you ask him that question. He's pretty sure sometimes he still dreams of you asking that, over and over again like a broken player that he doesn't want to get fixed. “After you fell asleep. I cried for a bit in the bathroom just in case you woke up.”

It's weird what goes over you upon the confession. Wonwoo doesn't cry easily, and even though you've seen him cry three or four times before, you've never thought he'd ever cry because of you. Knowing that he has… You can't even think of teasing him for it, your heart filling with love beyond its size upon realizing someone out there really loves you to the point of crying because you ask them to spend forever with you.

“Thank you for telling me.” You say, surprising him. “You already know I cried when you proposed even though I knew it was happening.”

“I heard you cried when you're trying out your wedding dress?”

“Who betrayed me?”

Wonwoo laughs at this, but tells you he's not naming anyone and he's definitely not teasing you about it.

“I will probably be crying too when I finally see you in the wedding dress.” He says easily, making your heart skip yet another beat at how effortlessly he spews those words.

Fuck Jeon Wonwoo.

[✾✾✾]

There's a party you're attending tonight. Jennie said it's some kind of party that she's hosting to celebrate her last line of designs before her expected return to Ruby Corp.

She has told you to wear one of the cocktail dresses you tried the other day: the white one that stops right above your knees. You love every detail of it: from the subtle way silver stars and moons decorate the seam of the dress, to the lace that is just enough without making it look tacky.

It accentuates your body in all the right ways, but if you look at it long enough, it looks somewhat like a mini wedding dress, which is why you decided against wearing it to the after party because you don't want both your dresses to be white. You’re not sure if it’s really okay to wear it before your wedding considering how much it resembles one, but Chaeyoung’s insistence and Jennie’s confirmation convinces you because you actually love it the most out of the other dresses, which is why you're kind of excited when Jennie told you it’s really okay to wear that one.

She has told you to get your makeup done at the salon, too, because she's invited a lot of media and she tells you it's okay to do a more glamorous makeup than what you're used to. You still want a natural one, but Chaeyoung once again convinces you to do more and you give in because she looks way too excited for some reason.

Currently at the salon with her, you've decided to try one of the hairstyles you want for your wedding. It's something you still haven't decided, but your wedding is in two weeks, and you suppose it wouldn't hurt to try out some of the simple hairstyles you're considering.

Your hair is styled to beautiful curls, half of your hair is up in a bun that's sprinkled with star accessories, making it look like there are stars scattered on your bun. Chaeyoung takes a picture of it and shows you, to which you squeal at because it's simply too cute.

Despite how much you like how you look, you feel a little over the top. But Chaeyoung reminds you it's a fashion party so there would probably be people who dress way more excessively and you're completely fine.

“Wonwoo's not answering my texts at all. Wonder if he's okay…” you frown at your phone, your text from this morning left unread and unanswered.

Chaeyoung hums, not seemingly bothered by your concern.

“Maybe he's just busy. Your wedding is in two weeks and you're leaving for honeymoon almost immediately.  He's probably making sure he won't be bothered during then.” Her answer is a little too perfect to the point where you might consider it scripted, but you're a little too concerned about Wonwoo to think about it and you quietly agree with her despite how you feel.

“I haven't been able to reach Han and Shua either…”

“Looking for me?” A familiar voice greets you and you wave at Joshua who's already dressed for the party. “Sorry, got classes all day.”

“‘Skay. Where's Han?”

“I think he's in a meeting with your father. Something about a merger?”

“Huh…” You frown, trying to remember if there's any talk about a merger that you've heard before. But, then again, you haven't been involved in the company for about two years now, you're not always updated and it might even be about some sub company that you don't know existed. “Makes sense. Why are you here?”

“Jeonghan will be late to the party so I thought I'll drive with you.” He grins. “I don't want to arrive there alone.”

“How did you know I was here?”

“Seungcheol.”

“Of course.” You should've known, really. Seungcheol never fails to report to Wonwoo, Jeonghan, or Shua everytime they ask your whereabouts. “Why are you dressed like that? It's a fashion party, dude.”

“Heh.” He shrugs, not minding the way you frown at his suit, definitely too formal for Jennie's party. “I got too busy and didn't have time to look for a fashionable outfit.”

“You still have time to change.” You try to convince him, not wanting him to embarrass himself there. “We'll probably be done in thirty minutes.”

It's then that Joshua takes a good look at you, looking at you from head to toe as his eyes water a little, which he blinks away quickly before you even notice.

“You're beautiful.” He says, startling you at the sudden honesty.

He's looking at you so softly that you're a little unsure how to respond to that, so you take the easy way and joke it away.

“Thanks. Wait until you see me at my wedding.”

This seems to make him smile even wider, and he carefully pats your head before telling you he'd wait around and he's too bothered to change so you don't have to worry.

Exactly thirty minutes later, you're on your way to the venue with Chaeyoung and Joshua. You're still trying to reach Wonwoo, but your call wouldn't go through and your text is still unanswered. You tried texting Chan, but he simply tells you his boss is busy and hasn't been able to check his phone, that he'll remind him to text you once he's able to.

That's enough to tame down your worry a little, and remembering you have a party to go to, you decide to let go of it and try to get in the mood. Good thing you have Chaeyoung and Joshua with you.

The three of you arrive in front of the building about forty minutes later, and you wonder why it's a little too quiet remembering how much of a fuss Jennie made it to be. But perhaps it's because you're still in the lobby; the party is on the top floor, after all.

Once you get to the very top level and you get off the elevator, it's still very much quiet, which makes you a little suspicious. But there's no reason for you to be suspicious of Jennie, so you ask instead if you're at the right place.

Just as they're about to answer, the lights go off and you jump at the pitch dark you suddenly find yourself in. You call for your companies and try to reach for them, but they're nowhere and you start to panic when something soft drapes over your eyes.

It's a blindfold, you register. A silk one by the feel of it, but that's not important because why are you blindfolded and you're trying to fight whoever's behind you.

“Trust me, okay?” Joshua’s comforting voice echoes against the empty corridor, and you relax a little as thousand different scenarios enter your mind. If there’s anyone you can trust, it’s Joshua, so when you feel his hand clasping yours and he leads you forward with Chaeyoung following close behind, you walk despite the way your heart is beating a million beats per second.

But when you hear the door open and close again, dark still engulfing you even after Joshua says you're allowed to take it off, what you find in front of your eyes once the light goes back on is beyond your imagination. 

You see Wonwoo on the other side of the aisle, presumably smiling at you even though you can't really tell due to your vision getting blurry.

You take your time to look around the room, a glass ceiling displaying the night sky with the  moon right above you, there are roughly only six tables in the beautiful room, decorated by your favorite flowers, your favorite color scheme, and every single thing you've mentioned to Wonwoo all that time. Somehow, even the stars are more visible than they have ever been.

“Princess?” You register your father's voice, his arm slightly open for you to take, and you don’t remember the last time his eyes stared at you with such gentleness. “Let's go. Wonwoo is waiting.”

You nod despite your unshed tears and your confusion, and as you walk down the short aisle and get to the end of it, you spare a few seconds to look at who's present. And upon realizing that they're all the people that are dear to you and Wonwoo, your eyes tear up once again at the realization of what's really happening.

“I told you I would do everything for you, right?” He whispers as you meet his eyes, trying his best to keep it together because, fuck, you look so beautiful it doesn't make sense. “I hope this is how you imagined your dream wedding to be.”

Before you can answer, the officiant, Yoon Jeonghan, cuts you off and proceeds to start the wedding ceremony. You can't even concentrate on anything, only focusing on Wonwoo and everything he's done for you.

Your brain is starting to put pieces together: the dress Jennie made you, the way your mothers seem less guilty, everyone being busy–how did he convince everyone to do this for you when they're all busy as hell?

Wonwoo starts his wedding vow, and you realize you'd have to do it too but you don't have anything prepared because you literally didn't know it was happening. You considered using the vow you're planning to use on your… well… wedding day, but you think that might not be fitting for this special day. 

Your day.

“First of all. Thank you to all of you here who have scammed me and betrayed me by helping Wonwoo.” You pretend to glare at them, to which they all laugh to because despite your words, you look the happiest they've ever seen you be. You’re glowing, despite the tears that are threatening to fall and the way you’re trying your best to hold back a sob. “I… I'll save the lengthy vow for the wedding in two weeks and I'll make this quick. I've gathered that a lot of you probably helped Wonwoo in this, and I want to thank you for all the time and effort you've put into this–and even somehow hiding it from me to the point where it didn't even occur to me to be suspicious of any of you. I've always wanted my wedding to be a small one shared by the people who matter, like all of you here, and to know that everyone of you are involved somehow… thanks for making anyone who might surprise me in the future fall short to this. And to Wonwoo…”

You finally look at him in the eye, both your eyes tearing up as you share a moment between you two. You try to calm yourself down, and you grip his hands harder before you sob right then and there.

“Thank you for making my dream come true. You should know that as long as it's with you, it's my dream wedding already.”

Jeonghan takes the cue to announce you as husband and wife, and as your lips meet under the night sky, you could've sworn the moon has never looked so bright before tonight.

[✾✾✾]

✾BONUS✾

“You look so beautiful, dear.” Mrs. Jeon softly dabs her eyes with tissue to stop her tears from falling down.

“Thank you so much Aun–uh…” You pause mid sentence only now realizing she's no longer just Auntie for you. “Mom…?”

She cries when you call her that, and Mr. Jeon laughs at how dramatic his wife is being, though he officially welcomes you to the family as he tries to calm her down.

“Wonwoo made you both work overtime, huh?” You joke, but your mom shakes her head and mentions they volunteered for it when he brought up the idea. Your fingers, clasped around Wonwoo's, tighten, and his thumb caresses your knuckle as if reminding you to calm down. “Thank you so… so much. Wonwoo couldn't have done it without you guys.”

“I know. My son sucks at making events.” Mrs. Jeon adds, already calmed down. “But at least he has the head to think about this.”

“Alright, Mom. Thanks for your compliment.” He rolls his eyes in a joking manner, though he drops a kiss on her cheek and sincerely thanks your mom too for making the ceremony possible. “And thank you… uhh…”

You giggle at the same predicament Wonwoo finds himself in, but surprisingly it's your father who speaks up. 

“You're our son, now. Call us Mom and Dad, Mother and Father, whichever you prefer.” He offers a small smile, which startles you because you did not expect this at all. You know he's happy you're getting married to the Jeons, but there's another kind of happiness in his eyes that you haven't seen in a really long time. “You've always taken care of our daughter, even when we're not able to. Continue to do it, alright? I'm glad she has you in her life.”

Wonwoo hides his smile and excuses the both of you to greet the other tables, and when you come to Shua, Jeonghan, Jinyoung, Jisoo, Jennie, Chaeyoung, and Soonyoung's table, you finally burst into tears even though you meant to pretend to be angry at them for deceiving you.

You blink repeatedly in hope your tears would vanish behind your eyes, but it's hard to do that when it's your father saying this. It's a confession you did not expect happening, but a part of you is relieved it did, and when your father pats your cheek and tells you not to cry, you nod despite the tears pooling in your eyes.

"Yes, Father. I'm glad I have her in my life, too."

Jinyoung and Jeonghan laugh, but the rest of the table panics and even the other tables are amused at your sudden emotional episode,  nothing but adoration filling their eyes.

“How–how could you guys do this to me?!” You say between sobs, Wonwoo grinning sheepishly to anyone whose eyes he meets on apology even though he knows no one actually minds.

“How dare you guys not say a thing!”

“We made sure you look your best, though.” Chaeyoung squeaks, to which you glare at before you break away from Wonwoo and engulf her in a hug. Then Chaeyoung starts crying too, and soon so are Jennie and Jisoo, and even Lisa and a few members of the studio who you've gotten very close with start crying on their table.

“I love you so much.” She whispers as she hugs you tighter. “I'm happy you found each other even though you've known each other since forever.”

“I love you too.” You kiss her cheek, careful not to ruin her makeup and yours. “Thank you for making sure I look my best on my wedding that I wasn't aware was happening.”

You look up to the rest of the table, take turns to hug each and everyone of them because all of them are apparently in on it; Chaeyoung and Jisoo with the overall preparation, Jennie with the dress, Soonyoung with the catering, Jeonghan with the venue, and Joshua with the flowers.

“You don't deserve a hug because you didn't help but I will hug you because of Jisoo.” You narrow your eyes at Jinyoung.

“Hey! Who do you think helped your little husband here and convince him it's okay to do all this?” He teases you both and drops a quick kiss on your head.

Husband.

You look at Wonwoo, who seems to be stuck in the same word as you do. You share a look, and then smile at the same time and Wonwoo squeezes your hand until Jeonghan puts a stop to the serene moment and breaks it up.

“”Kay. That's enough. You both are too sappy. Let's move on to the first dance.” He shoos you both to the dance floor, and you laugh through your tears as Wonwoo takes your hand and leads you to the dance floor, right in the middle of the room beneath the night sky.

You look up once again, the moon exactly above you and him as you move together with the music. Your eyes are glassy the moment you find Wonwoo's which are also glassy, you don't try to hide your smile though, and you share that moment between you two, uncaring about the rest of the guests staring at you two.

Wonwoo leans down to kiss you square on the lips, and you press your lips back to his, the both of you smiling into the kiss.

“Hey, husband.” You whisper with a giggle, still shy with the title.

“Hey, wife.” He bumps his forehead into yours. “The moon is very beautiful tonight, isn't it?”

“Yeah.” You agree, your thumb caresses the apple of his cheek. “The moon is indeed very beautiful tonight."

[✾✾✾]

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don't allow any translations or reposting of my works.

A/N: happy new year! idk if i'll be writing a lot this year but we'll see ig? i didnt think this would reach more than 5k lol. do talk to me if you enjoy this <3

[kominigiru]

im gonna start dumping my one-shots here from now on just bc. also posted on ao3!

satoru's guide to wedding day blunders

contains: female reader, fluff, crack, gojo being a menace, reader and toge are siblings, shoko and nanami being so done with satoru's shenanigans part 1 - part 2 (both in ao3)

Gojo Satoru is late to his own wedding.

You stand at the altar, fingers clenched around your bouquet, doing everything you can to keep from grinding your teeth. Shoko, standing to your right as your maid of honor, is shooting you sympathetic looks, while Nanami on the left looks like he's one deep sigh away from physically dragging Satoru here himself.

Your family sits in the front row, their faces showing various degrees of irritation, disappointment, and—worst of all—pity. They're whispering among themselves, making no effort to hide the glances they cast toward you, or the fact that they're annoyed on your behalf.

You close your eyes for a moment, trying to block out the noise. When you open them again, your mother is already halfway up the aisle, moving toward you with a determined look in her eyes.

"Sweetheart," she says, barely acknowledging Shoko and Nanami. "It's been over an hour. I think it's time to accept that maybe this wedding… isn't happening."

You stiffen, fingers going numb around your bouquet. Cancel?

Nanami sighs heavily, crossing his arms. "She has a point. Gojo's behavior today is completely unacceptable. It reflects poorly on him, and worse, on you. We can reschedule."

Shoko snorts in agreement. "Yeah, even I'm tired of waiting, and I'm not the one at the altar. Typical Satoru."

Your mouth opens, but no words come out. You don't speak often—as your Cursed Speech makes casual conversation risky—but the urge to say something now presses hard against your chest. Before you can figure out how to respond, you feel a tug on your gown.

You glance down to see your younger brother, Toge, standing at your side, his tiny arms wrapping around your waist in a comforting hug.

"Aniki's late," Toge mutters, his voice barely audible.

The way he says it tugs at your heartstrings. Even your usually patient brother is starting to lose hope.

Suddenly, with perfect, almost theatrical timing, the heavy church doors burst open, slamming against the walls with a deafening thud. You don't even need to turn around to know who it is.

"Sorry I'm late!" Satoru's voice rings out, loud and unapologetic, echoing through the silent church.

You finally turn, and there he is, Gojo Satoru, standing in the doorway like he's just walked in from some casual errand and not his own wedding. His hair is tousled, his sunglasses perched on top of his head, and he's grinning like this is all some kind of joke.

Satoru saunters down the aisle, waving casually at the guests. "Miss me?"

Your family collectively groans, and you can feel Nanami's simmering rage without even looking at him. Shoko rolls her eyes dramatically, muttering something about "classic Gojo" under her breath. You, however, stay rooted in place, fingers tightening their grip on your bouquet.

Satoru reaches the altar, looking perfectly at ease, as though he hasn't just kept an entire wedding party waiting for over an hour. He slides up next to you, his grin widening when he sees the expression on your face.

"Hey, sweetheart," he says softly, leaning in just enough for only you to hear. "Sorry about that. Had to deal with a curse situation. You know how it is. Life of a sorcerer and all that."

You stare at him, your mouth a tight line.

You've gotten used to Satoru's antics over the years, but even for him, this is too much. Still, speaking directly, even to scold him, could have unintended consequences thanks to your cursed technique, so instead, you breathe deeply through your nose and give him a pointed glare.

"Ah… right," Satoru says, catching on. "You’re upset. Understandable."

Nanami, who's been silent up until now, finally speaks up, his voice thick with irritation. "You're lucky we haven't already canceled the ceremony."

Shoko nods. "An hour late, Satoru? Even for you, that's ridiculous."

Satoru throws up his hands in mock defense. "Okay, okay, I know! But hey, at least I showed up, right? That's what matters."

You can feel the tension radiating from the entire room, but before you can think of how to express your feelings in a way that doesn’t result in your cursed speech accidentally knocking everyone unconscious, you feel a tug at your dress again.

You glance down, and Toge is looking up at you with wide, concerned eyes. "Tuna mayo," he says softly, which is his way of saying, Are you okay?

You crouch down slightly, giving Toge a reassuring smile and patting his head. It's a small moment, but it helps ground you. You straighten up, turning back to Satoru, who's watching the interaction with a sheepish grin.

"Look," he starts, "I know I messed up. Big time. But hey," he adds, flashing a grin, "You know you love me anyway, right?"

You stare at him for a long moment, taking in his disheveled appearance, his unshakable confidence, and his infuriating grin. Despite everything, despite the frustration, the embarrassment, and the whispers from your family, you can’t help but feel the corners of your mouth twitch upward.

Maybe it’s because this is so typically Satoru—unpredictable, chaotic, and yet, somehow, charming in his own way.

You take a deep breath and raise your hand to his chest, pressing two fingers lightly against him. It's a gesture you often use when you can't speak, one that means I forgive you, but don't do it again.

Satoru's grin softens, and he takes your hand, squeezing it gently. "I promise," he says, and for once, there's no teasing in his tone. "I won't mess up again. Well, not today, at least."

Nanami clears his throat. "We'll see about that."

Shoko shrugs. "Honestly, I'm just impressed you got here at all."

Toge, ever the voice of simplicity, tugs on Satoru's sleeve and mutters, "Okaka."

Satoru gasps dramatically. "Betrayed by a child! I thought we were family, Toge!"

Toge just crosses his arms, unimpressed, as you all share a quiet laugh at Satoru's expense.

Satoru turns back to you, his grin back in full force. "So, what do you say we make this official, huh?"

You glance at the altar, the officiant who's been waiting patiently, and then back at Satoru. Slowly, you nod.

Satoru's face lights up, and with a flourish, he turns to the officiant. "Alright! Let's get married before anything else decides to go wrong!"

As the ceremony finally begins, you can't help but feel a mix of exasperation and fondness swelling in your chest. Life with Satoru will never be predictable, but as you look at him now, standing beside you, you know one thing for certain: it will always be interesting.

And in his own chaotic way, you know that Satoru loves you—enough to show up late to your wedding but still make you smile in the end.

You squeeze his hand once more and and he chuckles, leaning down to kiss your forehead and whisper, "I love you, too."

—

Later that night, after the wedding reception winds down and everyone heads home, you and Satoru return to your shared house. You're still wearing your wedding dress, and he's got his suit jacket slung over his shoulder, looking as carefree as ever. He's been trying to sweet-talk you the whole way back, as if he hadn’t shown up an hour late to your own wedding.

"Come on, sweetheart, it wasn't that bad." He grins, nudging you with his elbow. "Everyone had a good laugh, right?"

You give him a sidelong glance, your silence speaking volumes.

"Okay, okay, maybe I pushed it a little. But hey, I made it in the end, didn't I? That's what counts!" He flashes his signature smile, the one that usually gets him out of trouble.

You pause at the front door, turning to look at him. For a moment, he thinks he's won you over. You're smiling, after all. But then, without a word, you toss him a single pillow.

Satoru catches it with a confused look. "Uh…what's this?"

You gesture to the pillow and point to the roof.

His smile falters. "Wait, wait, wait, hold on. You're not serious, right?" His laugh is nervous now. "You forgave me at the altar! We're good! We're married now!"

You shrug and head inside, but before he can follow, you turn around, blocking the doorway with your body. His eyes widen in panic.

"Come on! I can't sleep on the roof on our wedding night! People will talk! Nanami will find out and he will never let me live it down!"

Your only response is a raised eyebrow, and you slowly, deliberately, start to close the door.

Satoru jams his foot in the door with a dramatic gasp. "But I thought you loved me!"

You don't need cursed speech for this one. You give him a sweet, innocent smile—the kind of smile that would normally melt him on the spot. But tonight, it just spells doom for him. He knows that smile. It's the smile that means, "I do love you, but you're not getting away with this."

He groans. "Seriously? After all the curses I've fought, this is how I go down?" He leans his head dramatically against the doorframe, clutching his pillow like a lifeline. "Sleeping on the roof like a stray cat? Come on, babe, be reasonable!"

You sigh, your patience wearing thin. He's still whining.

With a subtle tap into your cursed technique, you say the words that you've been holding back all night. "Sleep on the roof tonight."

The power of your cursed speech echoes through the air, and Satoru visibly flinches. His body moves on its own, turning toward the roof like a puppet on strings.

"W-wait! No! I take it back! I take it back! You don't have to use that—"

But it's too late. His legs betray him, carrying him toward the roof with a dramatic flair, like he's being pulled by some invisible force. You watch as he scrambles helplessly, pillow tucked under one arm as he clambers up to his new "bed" for the night.

From the roof, you hear him groan, his voice tinged with betrayal. "But I'm your husband now! Doesn't that mean anything?!"

You close the door, letting out a small chuckle. Behind it, you hear him muttering to himself in frustration.

"Of all the things to use your cursed speech for..." he grumbles. "Could've just told me you were mad! But noooo, had to make me sleep outside on the night of my own wedding!"

You hear some shuffling from the roof, and then: "At least give me a blanket! It's cold up here!"

You open a window just wide enough to toss him a thin, scratchy blanket, watching it float up to where he's perched.

"Thanks," he mutters sarcastically. "This’ll totally keep me warm."

There's silence for a few moments before his voice drifts down again.

"I'm sorryyyyy!" he yells, his voice carrying through the night air. "I'll never be late again, I swear! I'll be early to everything! Our anniversaries, your birthday, breakfast—you name it! I'll never mess up again!"

You shake your head, smirking to yourself, knowing full well that's a promise he'll break within the month. But for tonight, the roof will teach him a lesson.

From the roof, you hear a long, pitiful sigh. "I thought married life would be more… cozy. Not like… this."

Finally, after what seems like an eternity of grumbling, he goes quiet, probably giving in to the reality of his situation. The stars twinkle overhead, and for a moment, all is peaceful.

Until—

"I bet Nanami's gonna find out and give me that look tomorrow." His voice suddenly perks up again, this time with a hint of dread. "You know the one. The 'I told you so' look. Ugh, I hate that look…"

You roll your eyes, closing the window fully this time, knowing that his whining will eventually tire him out. But still, you can't help but smile.

You know he'll be back to his usual antics by tomorrow, but for now, he can enjoy the roof.

As you settle into bed, you can faintly hear Satoru one last time from outside.

"You'll miss me eventually! No one can resist my charm!"

You smile into your pillow. Not tonight, Satoru. Not tonight.

[aokoaoi]

Hello and good morning/afternoon/evening!!! I'm unsure if you write for Lo'ak or do angst but can I request a Lo'ak angst where reader has to watch Lo'ak and Tsireya fall in love from a distance and everyone but Lo'ak and Tsireya know about reader's gigantic crush please? I'd prefer a sad ending where Lo'ak never finds out and she has to fake a smile whenever she's around him but maybe someone *cough* Aonung *cough* sweeps her off her feet ;))). But ofc, you can skip over this request if you want to <333

◗ pairings :: lo'ak x fem!reader.

◗ warning's :: tiniest bit of atwow spoilers. slight angst. slight jealousy if you squint. slight fluff. comfort if you squint.

◗ author's note :: i tried turning this one into a less toxic ones, because from the past ff that I've read, these kinds of situations end up being toxic/unhealthy. new format also<3.

You loved that boy ever since.

He was someone who you could always count on. Someone you can always trust, and look forward to waking up just to see them every single day.

He was the light of your life. He treated you so well to the point you even thought he was reciprocating your feelings for him. But now, you watched him drift apart from you as he laughed with another girl.

Were you mad? No, you weren't. We're you upset? Yes, you were.

Upset of what?

Upset of a simple admiration ending up to disappoint you. It hurt to see him so happy with the Tsahìk's daughter than he was with you, they looked so good together, too. It hurts so bad.

Everyday, was all he thought about you was a friend? Someone who he can trust with his troubles? Someone who he can just hang out everyday to entertain his boredom?

You truly can't bare to see Lo'ak and Tsireya so happy with eachother. Their laughters and giggles bubbling in the air reaching up to your drooping ears.

You only can muster a strained smile when he comes to hang out with you after Tsireya leaves. We're you just some 'another person' he can go to once the one he truly likes to be with goes? You didn't want to think badly of him, really.

You weren't together in the first place, and neither can you control who he likes, but you wish he hadn't just threw you aside after he found someone new.

Sighing deeply, your ears drooped down to the sides on your head, the strands of your hair brushing against your ears at the actions. You were with Tuktirey, taking a rest from the water as you were both tired from the learning.

Tuk pouts at you, walking towards you as she stops in front of your seated position. "(nickname), why are you so sad?" She questions softly upon hearing your tired sighs.

Your eyes snapped towards her, removing its gaze on the sand as you looked at her sympathetically. Were you seriously so acting pathetic to the point a seven year old noticed? How embarrassing..

"I'm not sad, Tuk. Im just tired.." You let out softly, smiling at the girl as she looked at you unconvinced.

"I know you're sad, (nickname). I know what your sad face looks like." She says stubbornly, standing her point until you tell her the truth. You slightly laughed at her words, amused. "I have a signature sad face? What does it look like?" You attempted to stray her away from her point.

She tried to mimick your facial expressions, watching as her face scrunched. "I don't think I'm doing your sad face right.." she hums, looking down at her nose as if she was trying to see her expressions. You giggled, your hands caressing her hair.

"But you still look pretty when you're sad, yknow? So pretty! You never have a time where your prettiness goes away, (nickname)." She states adorably, smiling cutely.

"Really? I'm sure my sleeping face is pretty ugly."

Tuktirey hums at your words. "Well you wouldn't know.. you can't see yourself when you're asleep!" She exclaims as a matter of fact. "But I wouldn't know either.. I haven't seen you asleep. Plus, it'd be kind of weird to look at your friend while they're sleeping." She pouts.

You laughed, arms wrapping around her form as you pulled her into an embrace. "You're so cute, reyrey~" You pressed a peck on her cheeks, watching as she giggled.

"You look so miserable right now.." Neteyam looked at you, slightly concerned. You slightly glare at him for stating that right in front of his friends. Ao'nung also turns to you, as if wanting to see you pathetic.

"Gee, thanks Neteyam. As if I hadn't known that already." You waved him off, tucing out for your ilu as you, Neteyam and few of his friends were getting ready for hunting.

"Awhh. You poor thing, are you homesick?" Rotxo perks up, frowning at you sympathetically. You looked at him for a slight second, dumbfounded.

"Are you.. awhing me? Skxawng." You turned away, huffing under your breath.

"If you're not gonna tell us, we're not leaving this place." Neteyam voiced out, watching as you paused. You turned to him, blankly.

"You boys wouldn't know. It's girl things, you'd find it hilarious if I told you." You commented. Ao'nung crosses his arms, feeling challenged at your words; "Oh really? Try me."

"Try US." Neteyam glances at him, correcting Ao'nung.

You blew raspberries, rolling your eyes. "It's not important."

"Yes it is. My sister only acts like this if something reaaally got on her nerves. So if you won't tell us, we'll force the information out of you." Neteyam perked up immediately after your statement.

"Come on, (nickname). We won't laugh at you, i promise." Rotxo smiles, encouraging you to speak up. You let out a frustrated sigh, your nonexistent brows furrowing as your nose scrunched. "Fine. But if one of you laughs, im setting an appointment for you in hell."

The three boys immediately stops whatever would distract them. Their ears perked up, listening to whatever you're gonna say.

"There's this boy," You eyes their reactions, creeper out by their weird stares. "I like him. But—"

"He likes someone else?!" Rotxo cuts you off, and you looked at him with a dumbfounded expression. The two remaining boys looked at you for confirmation, and you sighed as you nodded your head.

"Oh..." Neteyam pursed his lips, knowing who exactly you were talking about.

"..So? There's lots of boys here just practically waiting to get your attention in the village." Ao'nung breaks in, looking confused still.

"You don't get it, Ao'nung. This boy is someone I've spent practically my whole life with— and he just throws me away." You hissed slightly at the thought, distaste filling your tongue.

Rotxo makes a face as you revealed way too much, now feeling guilty for encouraging you to say why you're acting so miserable.

Neteyam looks at you sympathetically as you let go of your Ilu, looking done. "I can't believe I'm even talking to you boys about it right now." You whispered, looking down into the water as you hugged yourself.

"Look, I'm sure what you're feeling would eventually pass. It would be hard, but I promise you, it'll hurt less just as you slowly lose your feelings for him." Neteyam slightly touches your arm, smiling in comfort. You bit your tongue, wanting to say something but just let's it go.

"Let's just go hunting." You finally looked at them, grabbing the hunting gear from Ao'nung without a second thought. The boys looked at eachother as you swam away with your Ilu, wincing at the damage they just made.

"I take the blame." Rotxo raises his hand, making the two look at him blankly.

"I'm getting good, y'know?"

You hummed at his words, listening intently as he told you about his day. Lo'ak claps his hands, continuing to boast about his progress with a smug smile.

"Lo'ak?"

He stopped talking at your words, looking at you expectantly when you called out to him. He raised a brow, watching as you tried to form tour words carefully. "..do you like that girl? Tsireya?"

Lo'ak's eats drooped at your question, his lips pursing nervously. You eyed his reactions, and smiled reassuringly. "You can trust me, Lo'ak." You patted his hand, waiting patiently at his answer.

"Truthfully. I don't know yet?" You hummed, understand where he was getting at. You ignored the stinging sensation in your chest as you forced yourself to listen to him about Tsireya.

If you were gonna move on from him, you're gonna have to confirm of he really likes Tsireya. It wouldn't be healthy if you continued to like the boy while he liked another one, your mama taught you better than that.

"She's nice, really caring as well. But I've only known her for a few days, but then again there's some kind if connection." He looks at you, observing as you were following his words.

"So you're unsure?" He nods at your question.

"..maybe I can help..? Help you figure out your feelings for her, I mean."

He looked hesitant by your words. But he eventually nods his head again, appreciating your offer. You slightly grinned, happy how he can trust you like how he did back at home.

"First, tell me how you feel about her."

Lo'ak clears his throat, humming in thought. "I think she's really sweet, friendly, and just over all likable. She's really cute too, y'know? Her encouragement and praises are so simple, but it just motivates me to keep learning." He smiles as he talks about her.

You notice his way of speaking about the girl, and that was when you finally accepted his feelings for her.

"Sounds like you like her.." You voice out, watching him snap to look at you in surprise.

"Seriously? But doesn't it seem.. weird? It's only been a few days." He shrugged, still finding it oddly weird that he can develop such feelings for Tsireya in just a few days. You slightly laughs at him, shaking your head.

"Lo'ak. If your feelings for her are genuine, pure, and just overall real, then there's no point in denying you like her. Loving and liking are two different things, liking can develop in just a few weeks or so, but loving is a different step." You grinned in amusement as he still remained unsure.

"You sure..?" He looks at you suspiciously. You put up a tight smile, nodding.

"I'm sure."

He let's out an exhale, his hand coming down from his face in literal disbelief. "Wow.. you girls are definitely a whole different breed when it comes to emotions." He awes, slightly grinning at the roll of your eyes.

"Oh please, it's not just us girls."

"No, seriously! Just think about it. You could tell I liked Tsireya just by listening me talk about her? Like, that's practically magic." He teases you. You scoffed playfully, shoving him slightly to the side.

You decide to humor him, and you nodded smugly. "Yknow what. Maybe it is magic?" He gasps, and you chuckled.

"Okay, stop that now." You scolded him, watching as he continues to gasp at you, looking at you as if you were some kind of wizard.

Ao'nung sits beside you out of nowhere, following your line of gaze. He looks at Tsireya and Lo'ak playing in the water, watching as they splashed water on eachother while their cackles filled the air.

The boy turns to you, intently watching your side profile as the sunset perfectly lightened your face, the light complimenting your skin.

"You're smiling at them..? I thought you'd be sad." You grunted at the sound of his voice, turning to him, displeased that your mood got ruined.

"I'm smiling, because I'm happy." You gritted out, slouching your back as you huffed. "But now, I am sad because you ruined my mood."

"You're.. happy? Why?" He stupidly questioned. Just yesterday, you were acting so stiff and miserable to the point even his idiotic friend Rotxo noticed. But now you were happy for the cause of your miserableness yesterday? Man, girls do have weird moodswings.

"Because he's happy, Ao'nung. I took your stupid words yesterday, and also Neteyam's. I'm gonna move on." You spoke up, turning away from him.

He looks at you in realization. "Oh.. well good for you." He smiles. You glanced at him, your nose srunching in amusement. "If you're here to talk to me, you're doing a bad job." You perked up, your ears twitching as it caught the sound of Ao'nung's disappointed sound.

"You're words absolutely hurt, you know that? Be more nicer to me." Her pouts. You hide your amused grin from your hand, but your chuckles managed to reach his ears.

"I helped him realize his feelings for your sister earlier. We had a talk, and when I heard him talk about her so genuinely, I finally accepted that he wasn't the one for me." You suddenly said amongst the silence. Ao'nung straightens his posture upon hearing your words.

"Well, what's it for you then?"

"..what's what? I don't get what you mean." You turned to him with furrowed brows, confused by his point.

"Don't you want to feel loved, too?" His eyes flicked around your face, observing the perfect lighting that bounced off your smooth skin. You contemplated for a while. "I do want to feel loved. But I'm not gonna seek that from someone who's happy with someone else. I'm gonna eventually find someone who truly loves me, as do I with them, but now isn't the time for me." You state, watching as the boy awed at you words.

"That's pretty smart. I'm happy for you, (name)."

You grinned, "That's the first time you called me by my real name. usually you call me idiot." Ao'nung looks at you in faux surprise, a hand coming to his chest as he gasped. "I do not."

"You do!" You chuckled. Ao'nung shakes his head in disbelief, frowning at you. "You always make me sound like a bad guy."

"I do not."

"You do!"

"Now you're just imitating me." You crossed your arms across your chest, pouting as Ao'nung opened his mouth to say something idiotic again.

"I am not."

Lo'ak watches as you smiled at Ao'nung. He knew about your admiration for him, but he was too scared to tell you he doesn't feel the same way. Every day, he had to face you casually as if he wasn't guilty of what he felt about you.

It was equally as painful for him to watch you fall for him, back when you were both still at the forest. It hurt more when he saw you hurting when you see him with Tsireya.

He only saw you as a friend. Someone who he trusts, and always look forward to spending his day with. His feelings for you were never romantically, and he felt bad for leading you to thinking he felt the same just for treating you well.

He noticed your move when you talked to him about Tsireya. He was worried for a moment, but then you started to talk to him into helping him realize he has romantic feelings for the girl. He was slightly happy you were moving on from him. You deserve so much more than him, you deserve someone who wouldn't hurt you like how he did.

He wants to see you happy. That's all he wanted for you.

© aokoaoi.

[woahrarepairsagemare]

plaguebow 1990s au angst i thought of while i was having an episode

I remember the first day I ended up in her care , it was really embarrassing for me , considering I was supposed to be that journalist who got away with everything .

I mean , guess they could call me that , i didn't do anything this time yet that rockstar tried to blow my brains out with her bat .

that .. doctor .. who I find so endearing .

She laughed away my case instead of treating it like a serious matter , and it had made me a little annoyed at first ..

but maybe that was what started this attraction to her .

Her laidback personality , her hedonistic tendencies , her curious lisp and southern accent .. and her humor ..

I just couldn't find her annoying no matter how hard I tried .

It's safe to say I healed much faster than I should've when I was under her care .

When the time came for me to be discharged , she laughed at my slightly disappointed face .

' You look like a dying duck , you want me that badly ? Glad you didn't stay or else I would've done some .. medical malpractice ;) '

I remember my face going redder than a tomato , causing her to giggle and give me a friendly slap on the wrist , before she pushed me out the doors to where storm was waiting for me .

I still couldn't resume to being a journalist , I still had appointments , and thankfully they all happened to be with her .

It was embarrassing how it was in that first appointment that I had learned her name .

' Wisteria's what they call me ! Though they know me simply as plague . '

An odd name for a doctor I figured , yet I loved it , it suited her .

The appointments had become everything for me in my life , over those checkups we giggled like little girls , which neither of us had been able to be .

It was like a break from reality .

She brought out the emotions in me no one had bothered to find .

we even begun calling them our little dates , though she often mocked the name in a playful manner .

' what would the others say if our relationship was anything but professional ? '

I smiled and shook my head , but I yearned for it to be true .

And here I am , still yearning ,

as I picked up the receiver , making the last few calls i'd ever make to my loved ones

and made feeble excuses for why i'd not be able to come for any arrangements i had made with them .

As I hung up on Sage , trying to savor her soft words , i felt the gun being pressed into the back of my head .

'are you done yet ? gods , i hate your pathetic voice . '

Nightmare spat those words out at me , and I was about to say no .

and then I remembered the love of my life , and realized that she too should hear my words .

I let out a small groan and bowed my head down .

' one more , please . Just one last call . '

I knew she was tired but she let me have my way ,

which not before she contented her self with a small slap to my head .

trying to stop the tears from rolling down my face , I dialed my beloved Plague .

' Dr. Wisteria speaking , which patient or future patient am I speaking to ? '

that lovely voice soothed my nerves , reducing my fear of death

' Hey Plague- its me , Rainbow , remember ? '

I heard those giggles come out of her mouth again as she replied with that playful tune .

' of course i do ! youre my favorite patient and- dont mind me .. my favorite playdate , after all ! '

I blushed , before the gun was pressed harder into my head .

' hurry up , I dont want to hear your sappy conversation with her for too long . '

I secretly rolled my eyes before I continued to tlak to her .

' yeah , im afraid I wont be able to come to our next appointment , things are a little rough for me right now so .. I'll show up for the others though , probably . '

she sighed in mock annoyance and giggled , causing a bit of disruption down the line .

' whats the point in having me as your doctor if you cant come for our little date ? im VERY high maintenance you know .. '

I smiled before I heard that horrid countdown .

' .. 25 , 24 , 23 .. '

I panicked and quickly said my goodbyes .

' hey plague im kinda busy right now so i'll talk to you later , kay ? '

she paused as she noticed the barely concealed terror .

' dear rainbow , whats wrong ? surely the- .. '

she couldnt say more as the receiver fell out of my hand . I was slammed against the wall of the telephone booth , my face buried in the wall .

I trembled as I heard the panicked words down the line

' Rainbow ? Rainbow whats wrong ? Has something happened ? '

I wish I could respond , but how could ? I didnt even have the energy to yell or whimper , as Nightmare stamped on my hand with hatred . positioning the gun just below my chin .

' youve wasted enough damn time , now say your final words before you die a silent death . '

plague .. no .. she heard those words and panicked more . Why- why ?

I trembled as I heard those words , they sounded like static in the back of my mind .

' NO ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?! LET RAINBOW GO ! YOU CANT KILL A FUCKING JOURNALIST ?! '

I turned around so that my back was against the wall and tried to tell her to calm down , but all that came out of throat was a whimper as the gun was pushed further up my chin .

' any . last . words ? '

she asked in that horrible fucking tone .

I sighed and look up at the red ceiling of the telephone booth .

' Plague my darling .. I love you . '

I closed my eyes as NIghtmare flicked the safety off .

Plague broke down into tears at the other end .

' RAINBOW , NO ! '

BANG - !

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello mbti-notes. How are you doing? I'm an INFJ, 26 yrs old. Thank you for your blog I find it extremely helpful <3

I grew up in an extremely strict, religious household and family. My Mom and I got into an argument about religion. I have a keen interest and curiosity of other religions. So I was learning about other religions to my Mom's disapproval.

Whenever we have an argument my Mom will insult me and provoke me until I give an reaction like anger. Which I unfortunately eventually do. My Mom will purposely fully provoke me after I've apologized then she'll say that I'm not really sorry and I'm disrespectful. Our relationship is only good because I don't speak up if there's something bothering me.

When I did in the past it just turned into an argument. And whenever we argue my Mom would just give me the silent treatment (currently my Mom hasn't spoken to me for almost 2 months) until I apologize or will talk to me after a long while and act as if nothing happened and not resolve the issue. Which is why the same things keeps coming back and bothering me. This was done since I was child. I would be crying and begging my Mom to talk to me and I'd tell her she can do everything else and be angry at me but to please talk to me. Which she didn't ofc.

Since I was in my 20s I just stopped begging for forgiveness. Unless I'm wrong I'd apologize. I don't know what to do in this situation. I know my Mom is not going to change. But I also can't continue to ignore things for the sake of the relationship. I try to change my response to the situation but it doesn't seem to help. It feels one sided.

My parents treat me unfairly compared to my brothers and even younger sister. I've tried to communicate this on multiple occasions to my parents especially my Mom. But she never acknowledges it. For example, my brothers and younger sister can travel abroad, go out at night and come back in the early hours of the morning, their books or shows aren't supervised. But my parents supervise the things I watch and read. Ex. They'll tell me that certain TV shows aren't for children (meaning me) but they won't do this to my brothers or younger sister. And that I'm even lucky to go outside because my Dad didn't want me to go outside. I'm the eldest child btw.

As an adult I want autonomy and independence. And every time I try to go for it my parents disapproving, angry with me and give me the silent treatment. I haven't even brought a boyfriend home or anything. The last time I tried to get my parents to meet my guy friend my Dad got very angry.

My parents would also accuse me of things I've never did which has led me to be anxious in certain situations. Ex. My friend wanted me to meet her boyfriend he was on his way and so was my dad and I got anxious because I knew that my dad would believe that I was secretly meeting a guy. Because they always think the worst of me and I haven't given them reason to.

I've thought about apologizing to my Mom so things can be peaceful. And I've also thought about distancing myself from my Mom because I'm just going to disappoint them again. Especially because I intend to get piercings which they disapprove of. I've realized I haven't been doing things I want to because I'm afraid of my parents getting angry and disapproving.

And then I've discovered doing what I want regardless of my parents being angry at me. At the end of the day im the one responsible for my life and how I've lived. I also acknowledge that my parents are like this because of their own parents and upbringing.

My parents can advise me but it feels more like they control my decisions. I want to be an independent, self sufficient adult. I yearn for freedom. But at the same time I try to avoid angering my parents as it upsets the peace in the household. I'm also tired and worn out from our arguments over the years. It's like I've been put in a cage for so long even though I can open the cage door I've gotten used to being inside the cage. Sorry this was all over the place. Any advice?

--------------------

In case it needs to be said, the punishments your parents use to control your behavior qualify as emotional abuse. Childhood victims of long-term psychological abuse tend to exhibit impairments in psychological development because they are actively obstructed from maturing and transitioning into healthy adulthood. In other words, it's hard to grow up into an independent person when you haven't been allowed to.

At the age of 26, you are physically a full-fledged adult yet you still struggle mentally with issues of adolescence. Since you still think like a teen, you conceptualize "independence" in oversimplified terms like defiance or rebellion. If you truly want to be independent, then you must have a deeper understanding of what it actually entails, of what changes it requires in your thinking and behavior. For example:

(1) Independence requires you to stand up for your own well-being, especially when others work against your well-being. YOU must create a safe space for yourself somewhere to explore, learn, and grow. As an adult, you are entitled to your own space and to live your own life, on your own terms. Whether you make good or bad decisions is no one else's business but yours, assuming you're not out to hurt anyone. The mistakes are yours to make and the repercussions are yours to shoulder.

In short, you must own all of yourself and everything you do in order to establish true independence. Are you really prepared to take that step? I often hear people say that they want independence but their behavior screams otherwise. Their behavior indicates that they can't handle the freedom to decide or the responsibility of facing up to consequences. Their behavior indicates that they want the safety of depending on someone else to: pick up the slack, clean up the mess, pay the piper, or provide a scapegoat whenever things go wrong. In other words, they prefer the cage.

Do you still live at home? Do you still depend on your parents for financial or other forms of support? It's difficult to exert your independence when you remain dependent on people.

(2) Independence means forging your own unique identity, rather than merely taking on whatever identity was thrust upon you. For example, most people believe in a religion simply because they were born into it. As an adult, you have a right to choose, so are you going to exercise that freedom? You ought to choose religious belief for the ways in which it will help with your overall well-being.

If you hope for religion to play a positive and meaningful role in your life, you cannot allow it to be used for ill purposes. I am not a religious person myself, though I have spent a lot of time studying religious philosophy. I have no beef with religion and even believe that it has an important role to play in human fulfillment. However, when religion isn't used as intended but rather used as a tool of abuse, then that should certainly give you pause and make you seriously reconsider your beliefs and values.

(3) Independence requires you to accept moral responsibility, through learning how to skillfully differentiate right from wrong. Is it morally right to punish people for accidents of birth, such as being born female or of a lower class? Is it morally right for one person to own another like property, in the way your parents treat you like their property?

One way that religion gets misused is as a tool of control or coercion. Oftentimes, people are taught to submit to a human-made hierarchy that codifies harmful beliefs about some people being worth more than others. This conveniently allows those at the top of the hierarchy to shamelessly exploit those at the bottom. Although religion is commonly used to justify inequality, is it morally right?

If you don't believe this is morally right, then you should not participate in such a system, that is, if you want to sleep peacefully at night. Being a member of a religion doesn't mean you must submit to everything it prescribes. Actually, if you were to do that, you might often find yourself stuck in confusing contradictions, because every religious belief system is guilty of internal inconsistencies.

(4) If independence requires you to skillfully differentiate right from wrong, then you are also required to improve your intellectual capabilities so that you know how to analyze, evaluate, and resolve problems on your own.

Earlier I mentioned that abused children exhibit impairments in psychological development. One aspect of this impairment takes the form of stunted intellectual growth. Abusive parents maintain control over children by preventing them from developing good critical thinking skills. Without good critical thinking, you aren't able to think for yourself, which means you must remain dependent on others to think for you. Abusive parents want you to rely on them to tell you what is true/false and right/wrong.

One common sign of poor critical thinking is oversimplification of the complex. This often manifests as cognitive distortions that make it difficult to reason well and make good decisions. A common cognitive distortion is either/or thinking. For example, you may believe that the issue of "independence" boils down to either obey or rebel. But are those really the only two options?

Independence isn't a simple matter of "obey vs rebel" but about taking on the responsibility of unraveling complexity, in hopes of discovering the best path forward. You are grappling with a moral dilemma, which means there is no perfect solution available. No matter what you choose, someone is going to "lose" something.

Discovering the best path forward requires you to:

make a list of the most relevant and pressing needs/issues/factors

rank those needs/issues/factors in terms of importance

explore all the different possible options based on your priorities

make a decision that reduces/minimizes harm

In your case, what does everyone need (which is very different from what everyone "wants")? You need to learn how to be an adult and live life on your own terms, which means you must remove the internal and external obstacles that would interfere with that process. Your parents need to learn how to be better people and better parents, rather than projecting all their hangups and insecurities onto you, which means they have some reflecting, healing, and growing to do.

As far as I can tell, these needs do not conflict. In the bigger picture, everyone in this situation has something important to gain by you asserting your independence. However, that doesn't mean no pain will be experienced in the process. The question is whether you have built up your intellectual capabilities enough to assert your independence in a reasonable manner.

Just because you can't reason with someone, doesn't mean you have to become unreasonable yourself. If you've been conscientious and you've put a lot of thought into the best way to get your needs met, you should be able to stand by your decisions and explain your reasoning as necessary. However, whether people can accept what you say or agree with you is out of your control. It's their business and it shouldn't have much effect on your resolve.

The main point is that operating in adult mode means there is no need for tantrums, self-pity, anger, rage, hate, or spite. All you have to do is explain where you're coming from, in hopes of creating a dialogue that leads to mutual understanding. But if there is no mutual understanding to be had and the objections you get are utterly unreasonable, you should not be deterred from doing what you believe is right. But this all begins with you having enough confidence in your own intellectual abilities.

(5) Since independent people can think for themselves, they don't need to rely on others for validation, so they are not unduly influenced by the perceptions and opinions of others.

Yes, you are right that the relationship is unequal; you give everything to get their approval and then you get nothing but dominated in return. This needs to change and that begins by you learning how to live without their approval. An important aspect of independence is that you have to be able to affirm, accept, and love yourself rather than always rely on others to do it for you.

The need for approval is the chain through which abusive parents keep their children shackled. When you finally free yourself from that confinement, through deciding that there are things in life that are far more important than parental approval, you will be in a much better position to negotiate a more equitable relationship.

Thus far, you have been trained to believe that "love" means complete submission, i.e., to sacrifice yourself and even silently accept the harm others inflict upon you. However, a healthy relationship should allow ALL parties to feel supported, cared for, and loved, which means a relationship can only be healthy when all parties are willing to express love properly.

When the other party withholds love for the sake of control, THEY are in the wrong, and they ought to correct their harmful behavior. If they are unwilling to correct, they are being unethical for dismissing your needs and selfish for placing their needs above yours. At that point, they no longer deserve your investment. It is illogical to chase love from a person who doesn't love you or is incapable of love.

At 26, there is absolutely no reason or excuse for your parents to use such control tactics on you, but they do because: i) the old relationship pattern is deeply entrenched and basically repeats automatically, ii) the tactics still work because, in the end, they always get what they want from you, and/or iii) you are deriving some kind of benefit from being under their control that you're not fully admitting to. This means the abuse will not stop unless you: i) do something different to change the pattern, ii) render their tactics ineffective, and iii) relinquish the "benefits" you're reaping.

It might be true that your parents won't change no matter how much you beg or plead. In fact, the more you beg and plead, the more they feel you are under their control, which gives them zero incentive to change and every incentive to escalate abuse. Most people won't change bad habits until they have little choice but to, which means you must stop people-pleasing and be more assertive in creating the change you want to see.

If you want to have good relationships in general, you must learn how to: identify your needs, communicate about them reasonably, and make requests of people to take them seriously. If people want to have a relationship with you, they must put in their fair share of effort to make the relationship a healthy one. Until then, you must be able to draw and enforce boundaries to protect yourself from harm.

Drawing boundaries doesn't mean you stop loving people, rather, it means you're finally learning that you also deserve love. You can let people know that you will always love them, but you can't be close to them until they learn how to love you back. Whether they eventually come around is out of your hands, so all you can do is leave the door ever so slightly open for them until they do.

[iforgotwhaticalledthis]

Imposter by Ratwyfe is THE Sophie Foster song

specifically, its book 1-4 sophie. this song was written for her. And heres my line by line analysis:

“So i finally reached heaven but the door was pretty hot” Sophie finds a place where she should be accepted, where she should finally be accepted but she Isn’t  hence heaven i.e a perfect place, and hot door i.e something is still uncomfortable

“And I’m tired of being liked for someone that i'm not” Sophie being the moonlark, having all these people look up to her, have expectations for her, even though she barely knows who she is

“I feel like I’m a poser” Refer to above “I’m scared and I’m alone, I’m in a new place, I’m too far from home” this is especially sophie like RIGHT when she arrived, she has maybe one person who she actually knows before making three other friends( Dex, jensi, marella) she doesn’t know anything she has to relearn everything and AHHH

“I don’t belong here it's clear to see” She has brown eyes, a constant reminder that she’s not like everyone else.

“I’m disappointing everyone who believes in me” Book 2, knowing that she was modified to heal minds, that's her purpose, but she's broken.

“I’m not who you think i am, you think i’m so amazing” I feel like this is in relation to fitz in book 4, he sees her as someone insanely talented, and good, but she feels like such a messy person, with so many secrets

“I don’t deserve the life that I am chasing” Her thinking she’s not good enough for fitz, and also being constantly worried, in book 3, that by the Vackers being friends with her she's bringing down their reputation

“I’m an imposter, i’m a monster. Why am I here? I don’t belong here.” Being a genetic experiment, not knowing the black swans motives, being so different from  everyone both human and elf.

“I feel like nobody likes me and i keep messing up. ” Book 2, fitz anger at her and her reaction, as well as book 3 after kenric died

“It’s obvious to me that everyone has had enough” councilors giving her the restrictor

“I feel like im a nuisance, im a burden, im a pain” Sophie to everyone after losing her abilities, but also like, in her relationship to Edaline and Grady in the first book, and after losing her abilities.

“And its all my fault, im the one to blame” She read king dimitars mind, she broke the rules. But also her guilt towards Dex being hurt because he was with her when she was kidnapped

“Yeah, do i belong here I just can’t see, I’m disappointing everyone who believed in me” Book 4 after she couldn't heal prentice.

“Why am I here? Why am I here?”  Jumping back in time a bit, Book 1, when she didn't realise why she was brought up with humans

“Why do I wallow here in my pity and self doubt” Honestly i feel like this is kinda self explanatory? Like she doubts herself SO much

“And why do i hurt the people i cant live without”  Literally all of her friends/ anyone associated with her getting injured really badly throughout the series

“I try to change, i try to do better, but i dont know if i can keep it all together” ok so this can apply like generally, but i think specifically how she stopped tugging her eyelashes in book 2 but returned to that habit in book 3 and hasnt stopped since(at least  in my memory, i haven’t read the later books in a bit, thats why im mainly citing the first 4)

“I don’t belong here I just don’t fit, But i’d be worse off if i chose to quit” She may be different in the lost cities, but it's better than being different amongst the humans

“It means so much to me that you think im so amazing” i feel like this line fits mainly with her relationship to calla, Calla admired her, trusted her,  etc “I can hardly deal with all the obstacles im facing” self explanatory. Like. Hello??

And the rest of the song is mainly just lines that ive already dissected/discussed so im not going to past them again.

[pumpkinsy0]

Ahaha guess who isn’t coping well rn? Me!

Context: today my period came and now I feel all nauseous and sad. But I solider on and went to do some shopping for some food. Issue? my dad also had like a bad day cause of his meeting. So when he found out I didn’t get his like alcohol he got mad. Not like SUPER mad more like passive aggressive mad??

I feel TERRIBLE because I made his day worse. But I’m also just sad right now. I love my dad so much but I feel like sometimes he just CAN’T be there for me. I can’t always ask for loving because he’ll think I’m being weird or needy. Or when I have a bad day, he’s also having a bad day. So I need to suck it up and act fine cause HE needs to let his feelings out. And I just- I just want my dad. I want him to hug him, I want to not have to earn his love, I just— I want him to stop being angry.

SORRY!! I’m venting majorly hard rn and that’s silly and stupid. But I was hoping you could do HC’s of this for one of the Curtis Gang Members. Maybe how that character would handle this. Maybe they’ll have better luck then me.

hey anon!!! im sorry to hear what ur goin through, u dont deserve it, so dont beat urself up!!! ur living ur own life and u shouldnt feel ashamed that u couldnt help someone else live theirs, plus bad day or not, no matter what it doesnt give someone the right to treat u poorly, its not ur fault!!! not even in the slightest!!!! ur sick on too of that, if ur dad cant show some compassion for that, hes the problem

BUT ITS OK!! its not silly or stupid, ur perfectly fine!!!

w all that said letsssss go w fem two bit w her dad here!! (yes this is genderswapped, but lets just say for this sake, twos dad and mom r the same and didnt swap genders)

•two loves her dad, which she knows is pretty odd considering hes one of the biggest con man she knows and even cons her sometimes but she just cannot help it no matter how many times shes mad at him

•two constantly feels like she needs to prove herself to him in order to get him to say “atta girl”, and in a twisted way, she really does but not really???

•two dad doesnt love her completely, but he does love her to a certain extent, he mostly loves what he can do FOR him and to a smaller extent loves her for her, thats guaranteed

•ANYWAYS, two’s sick and her dad got back home from this one con he tried doing that absolutely fucking busted, he got home and he was already annoyed, anything could set him off

•now he had this other thing planned, what was it??? till this day two doesnt know, BUT he told her to steal something for him, only problem is, she didnt get the right one, and she thought he would at least commend her for getting it, bc it was no easy feat, but she showed it to him, and he didnt go off on her, but she did see a look of disappointment and anger before he up and left to go to the couch, which made her feel worse

•for a good while, when he saw her around the house, he would make a comment about something she did, and it got to a point where two just couldnt take it and locked herself in her room till her mom came home late at night from work, just to avoid seeing him

•two mom HATES them hanging out the way they do and can always tell when something happened so when she sees twos dad at the table drinking and grumbling and twos door locked, she knows whats up and tries comforting two but it doesnt work, twos just beating herself up, so twos mom goes to her dad

•all two heard was yelling, it wasnt for long, maybe for 10 mins, but she ended up going to sleep to escape, she was just tired, hungry, and thirsty

•next day, he dad took her out, but it was so weird, bc its one of the only times hes seen him be hesitant near her, well with anyone really

•he drove her around town for a bit trying to make conversation, but failing miserably, and two knew he was trying to apologize, horrendously and in his own way, but he was trying, and to her that felt like enough, felt like a lot actually

[transskywardsword]

it is past midnight but the need for ghirademi never sleeps.... anyways, im sick and tired of the insistence on ghirahim being brainwashed and demise being abusive so HERE have a battlefield meet-cute and consensual turncoating <3 also trying out a fun weird writing style

--

His Mistress has gentle hands and fierce, ferocious fingers. her touch is soft as a spring wind and bites like a winter storm. she is everything, eternal, indescribable, and she forms him of metal and sinew, steal and blood. She pours molten knowledge into him, forges divine strength into his bones and devotion to his master in his blood. Hylia is an artist and Ghirahim is art, a maker and creation, and God and a gift.

"Tell me of my master,” Ghirahim asks as she works. The days of bloodshed have become brighter and clearer, just beyond the horizon, and Link's freedom from imprisonment is soon to be traded instead for the prison of war. Hylia sings his praises as she plunges him in holy waters to cool, spills her love with a loose, smitten tongue.

Link, she tells him, is kind and courageous, with hands callused by hardship, and a soul that is bright and holy and perfect as she is.

“You must be holy and perfect, too,” his Mistress tells him, “for you are to be his, to have and to hold, to weld and to swing. Through you, he shall strike down evil and the Surface shall be safe."

And what an honor, to strike down evil, to have and be held, what joy, what divine providence—

Except.

Except Link is kind and courageous. His hands are calloused, and wrists are scarred from shackles. The marks of jailers marr his back, and his voice has been long since left behind.

He is utterly disappointing.

Hylia has spun tales of greatness, of power, of a man like no other, and instead, her Champion is short and soft. His hands are rough but his touch is gentle, unfitting of a soldier. He is weak, weak, weak—

He carries Ghirahim into battle and signs words of nonsense, nothing like the military strategy Ghirahim knows. He chooses a lowly soldier’s life over the potential of victory, and the enemy takes the front. They’re pushed back, back back—

Link celebrates the saved lives while the Surface burns. Ghirahim was promised a master of divine proportion and instead receives a child.

(Children, it seems will haunt him in this life and then the next)

(Will he ever escape big hearts and bright smiles and idiotic children?)

(Hylis gifted him to a child, and then, centuries later, the skies will bring him another one to finish him off)

Link loves his humans. Loves them, adores them, lifts them up when they fall, fills their drink when they thirst, hold them as they die, chooses loss over victory if it means that more of the hairless apes survive—

Ghirahim was promised a master like no other. Link is more than utterly ordinary—he is utterly pathetic.

“I made you with a heart,” his Mistress tells him, “so that you will love him. I made you with a mind, so that you will guide him. I made you strong, so you can destroy his enemies.”

He has a heart, and it yearns for different hands, deserving hands.

He has a mind, and he can feel it shriveling as his master acts against his promptings.

He is strong, but in Link's incapable hands, he is as weak as a bird's hollow bone.

He is held, owned, but he is wanting.

What sword did not love their forger? What weapon didn’t love their wielder?

What was he, without love for his owners?

Pointless. Meaningless.

Alone.

He was alone.

His Mistress tells him his master’s enemy is a vile beast of flame and tar. His heart is as cold as his mane is flaming, and he carries cruelness on his head like a crown. He writhes and rages on the battlefield, an ugly beast of a man, if he could even be called such.

He fights like a flame, and carries with him an electricity that even Link cannot match. He is as wide as a mountain, as tall as a corpse, and he carries with him the grandest of swords, each unable to hold up to his massive grip

He is, in short, beautiful.

“So you’ve found yourself a man to fight in a quarrel of gods, Hylia” he purrs when Link first rises to meet him, all lightning and flame and tar, “How disappointing.”

Ghirahim should defend his master, should despise the creature before him, but-- Link is disappointing. He will always be disappointing.

Demise is exhilarating

Demise does not falter, does not fall, and when Link holds Ghirahim in hand, the God looks at him with such hunger that Ghirahim’s heart yerns to be eaten. He has never been hungered after before. Created, made, wanted, gifted, but never hungered, and when Link falls under a shattered blade in the heat of battle, Ghirahim rolling from his hand, and the God plucks his hilt from the ground, the lightning that scorches his metal feels erotic and purifying in its wrongness, in its absoluteness.

He was not made for mortal hands that gave and gave and gave, and would give until they crumpled and died. He was made for a being who took, who had taken him.

"Shall I take your pretty little sword, human?" The God croons, "Since you seem to like leaving your things lying around?"

His trip tightens, and Ghiriham knows there is no need to take. Not when Ghirahim has already freely given what Link never had to begin with.

Hylia's words are full of bitter anger and despair when her sword spirit does not return from battle, settled happily instead in a far greater man's palm. Link, as usual, says nothing at all.

Ghirahim's heart pounds in his throat, three times the size it ever was, and as Demise holds tight to him, it seems he has found the worthy Master he was made for.

[sukirichi]

Aaaaaaaa sukiiiiiii why you do this to meeeee 😭😭

Brain mush, im very exhausted so im sorry if ill rant dhdhajdjs

The whole rin diary part - sparked lots of joy 🥺🥺🥺

This part right after

This does not spark joy 😒 like really? really? After we kept admitting we still love rin even while being with omi we go ahead and say that? Especially after reading the damn diary... Really?

This update made my heart shatter for our dearly idiot rin even more.. He keeps thinking we just... Wont love him if we know who he really when (jokes on him we do know) and it just.. It really breaks me

The fact he truly looks that low on himself to the point he believes we are with him just cause hes a prince and if he never was we wouldnt even notice him... Bruh i just.. I want to hug him.. Royal life truly shattered him mentally to the point he has no self esteem uh..

This part tho caught my attention:

He keeps trying to push us away but perhaps cause he's noticeable tired, I mean its described at o e point that he has dark circles under his eyes, what i believe its because hes been sleeping on the couch or something because he refuses to sleep in the same bed as iris (since he did kinda hinted that she had the bed all to herself). And perhaps thanks to him being exhausted he just cant stop himself fron letting little truths come out, he didnt even seem to notice it while we truly did.

Im still disappointed? Bitter? Ahahahha that the baby is staying dhshshhdhoas he's our hubby man i dont want him to be having some other bitch's baby when neither he or she wanted it 🙃 like please just do something good for the story iris and go ahead and lose it 🤣🤣 at this point only the queen will be pissed and we love that royal bitch pissed 🤣🤣

Sorry i wanted to give a better review but damn my job has been killing me ahahahah thank you so much for another update tho, these even tho they kill me 🤡 in a way always cheer me up and make me having something to look forward for.

Also yes kuroooooo destroy the bitchhhhh ahahhaha

the rin diary part!! man I remember having to like sit down for a long time just so I could use the perfect words LIKE WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ITS HARD TO BE POETIC LMFAO. not that it DID become poetic but it was the best I could pull out of my ass lmaoooo. omg okay I get that it doesn’t spark joy but hear me out!! at that point we’d already fallen for kiyoomi and yknow like… we already know that rintaro hasn’t been that good anyway, and we’re finally choosing what’s right, what’s BETTER (because dtd!yn has always been a character who will most likely end up doing what she thought was right and its really hard to change her mind lol but it’s just!! a matter of what feels right in that moment!!) and in that moment choosing kiyoomi and finally accepting that he has feelings for us felt like the right one! and the diary you know, it really is confusing cuz like – WE LITERALLY HAD JUST BEGUN OUR THING WITH KIYOOMI AND EVERYTHING IS GOING WELL then we see that our husband has always been secretly writing his feelings about us LIKE THE TIMING HONESTLY CAN’T GET ANY WORSE LOL

oh yeah… rin’s inferiority complex has just completely gotten worse because all his insecurities have gone from ten to a hundred. like he somehow always felt like he wasn’t good enough but to know that he was never a prince?! my boy needs therapy. and yes omg that part!! I know during the scene where he kicked us out our room was trying to imply that he wants to share the same bed as iris but naur!! my boy rin won’t even touch her within a ten foot pole in that moment, he just stays on the couch and can barely sleep because he sent us to belleview manor of all places. I just know he stayed up all night thinking about what we’re doing with kiyoomi and well… his imaginations are right because we’re making out with him lol. LMAOOOO I KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT THE BABY I think its bcos iris has been off-screen for such a while now that lowkey I forgot she and the queen existed (in other terms I’m just too excited to write about runaway rin and yn!! and I’m such a pea brain lol)

also no omg!! I hope you’re getting some rest and a well-deserved break though! and thank you so muchhh IM SO HAPPY YOU’RE ENJOYING DTD HEHEHEHE as always I appreciate you for showing so much love and I’m sending you more back!! <33

[daniclaytcn]

re your complaints/critiques on 911 said in an anon response:

I 100% agree!! On the finale, I love everything about the first 30 minutes! the bridge collapse is everything, i could go on about that for hours, even the birth on the couch, i thought that was a funny twist in the couch theory. I love everyone else's storylines (bathena honeymoon, henren's newest foster daughter, madney wedding planning) I could like eddie with marisol if it ends with him growing and them not together, but buck's ending was so infuriating! like you said it felt like he was going in circles which can be true to real life, doesn't always make for good television. The biggest thing im worried about it it being nearly exactly like bucktaylor, especially if they last a season. I don't care if its a slowburn but like you said, theres slowburn and setting up something with no payoff over and over

anyways, Im surprised they didn't circle back to jo and mallory (molly maybe?). they usually circle back to the injuries of the week to get the like conclusion so (and i didn't realize until after) to not circle back to them felt weird. Do you think we'll get them in the next season?

OH also i thought it was so interesting that we almost / could've gotten the lees for this ep! tbh i thought it would be a scene where chim is in the hospital with maddie (if this wouldn't be a scene were maddie and chim jump the gun andd marry) and they reaffirm that chim is a psuedo son to them this leads to my other question: did you think we would've gotten a madney wedding like in the S2 finale for Bathena and would you have wanted that?

anyways, I thought this ep did the platonic relationships really well (buck and hen, buck and chim, hen and chim, and buck and bobby) and did literally every other storyline well except for buck's ending

i realize like as i finished that this was kinda neg so if you don't want to respond to any of this dw I understand adsf

i enjoyed everything related to the emergency! i thought it was done very well, while i wanted it to be more high-stakes i get why they couldn't end what they thought might be their last episode on a cliffhanger or something. the 'pay it forward' thing really worked so well, not just with the civilians and jeff but i also clocked it with ravi and buck (someone also pointed out that the 118's degree of injuries was based on how much experience they've had on the job, which is why ravi didn't face any danger at all, and i thought that was an interesting theme!). i enjoyed how they wrapped up the other characters and i love that bathena got their cruise.

my major problem is the way buck's storyline was resolved, while the sperm donor thing was wrapped up very well; i'm unhappy and tired of him going in circles with natalia yet again. i also dislike the implication that him ending the season being single would mean it's an 'unhappy' ending for him—aside from all the obvious issues with that statement, buck literally started out this season by trying to be comfortable in being single and figuring out life by himself. it would have been the PERFECT conclusion to his arc. i love buck, i really do, but i'm not interested in sitting through who knows how many more episodes of him trying to learn this lesson again, i'm just not.

the thing with eddie and marisol was actually cute and it went more or less how i expected tbh. the way she was re-introduced left very little doubt that eddie would date her again. (given the lack of set-up, tho, i wouldn't be surprised if they opened up s7 with the relationship having fizzled out during the time-gap).

when i saw the synopsis mentioning the lees, i thought they might appear in a montage of sorts with chim recovering and i'm disappointed we didn't get to see that, especially with the stuff with chim's dad. (side note: 911 really needs to do better on the chimney front. i'm gonna need a season 7 that treats him like his own person for the entirety of it, not just maddie's partner. 6B has given us some of that, but i need more).

i'm actually glad they didn't rush the madney wedding. the bathena wedding being the way it was kinda made sense given the circumstances of how they got together in the first place, and how their relationship progressed from there. madney on the other hand—they've always taken things slow, they've been cautious and thoughtful while taking each step, largely because of their own past and baggage. what worked for bathena wouldn't really work for them, especially considering maddie's trauma surrounding marriage, i'm really glad they didn't rush this.

[avernusdamned]

mama karlach. does she ever genuinely want to have kids, a family? talk abt her parents n how they raised her. would she do anything differently—if so, what?

there's an option you can pick when you're romancing her where she asks you what you two would do together if she had fifty more years and that's: i'd actually think you'd make a great mum. which frankly blew me away the first time i had seen it bc up until the only answers i had been picturing was settling down or continue adventuring. her immediate response is a laugh and that wasn't ever part of the original plan but i can picture it. and OH BOY does that shred me to my core lemme tell you why.

karlach's picture of a perfect future was simple. be comfortable and be well off. she was young when she was getting her life together and reaching that goal, a very early twenty something that had the entire world to give so she could be something. someone. the details weren't fine pointed yet, it was all just a blob of color and wonder to be shaped and molded as she grew so of course she never thinks of a family. before she even considered it an option for her she got sent to the hells.

she had no one to care for her enough to look at her and go 'i would love to build a family and future with you' so why the hells would she even dream to wonder that she could be a mom. of course, i think that she would love to be a mother if she finds the right person to do it with. karlach's very good with kids and has a gentle spirit despite her temper. i also truly believe she would be a great mum.

AS FOR HER PARENTS, karlach is named after her dad just with a more feminine spelling to it. his name is caerlack (same pronunciation) and her mother's name is pluck. (im also recently discovering her parents are DEAD IN GAME AND THAT PISSES ME OFF STOP GIVING HER L AFTER L LARIAN DID SHE NOT SUFFER ENOUGH, if i have to change it i will i love breaking canon over my knee)

anyways both her parents loved karlach immensely which was easy considering she was their only kid. they would tell her stories about heroes of baldur's gate past and i think this is what lit the fire under her ass to be the way she is. thewy would always try to encourage her to treat people with kindness but the fantasy racism can only get so far before you go ape shit and you're tired of being nice.

they raised her with good virtues and good values. if karlach brought a friend home of any kind they were treated like family immediately. she favors her dad but won't ever admit it to spare her sweet mother's heart and pride because she loves her more than the world as well (dad's just more fun).

if she were to do anything differently it would probably be getting into less trouble. the older (and bigger) karlach got the more fights she would cause in town. although she always tried to stay on her best behaviour, her rage was far too compelling to let lose after someone tested her. a day ending in her parents disappointment was never fun but she got the honor of defending herself (and her family's name) in the process and she would do it again in a heartbeat.

[wrdn-tabris]

a little life update :-)

(pls help i need advice)

so

i have this friend. two friends actually. i went to visit them recently (june)

friend 1, lets call her cat had asked friend two, lets call her bee, to move down with her. bee agreed. issues immediately started. bee was off her meds and didnt want to get back on them, and started picking fights with cat, treating her badly and etc bc thats what bee used to do when she still lived with her mom. pick fights when her mood dropped and get into screaming matches (tho its not like her mom didnt also pick fights with her)

cats telling me abt this at this time and i feel bad bc i feel like i wasnt being a good friend mostly bc i didnt have the energy to hear abt how terrible it was going for her. i was going thru a lot when it started which isnt her fault or my fault, but i feel bad for not being more supportive. so cat stopped telling me abt it, bc i didnt know what to do or how to fix things. i thought stuff resolved itself but i went and visited and it hasnt. really.

so i arrive. bee doesnt come with cat to pick me up, which, ok disappointing but i understood she was tired. she didnt come to eat with us either. which also sad

next day cat asks for some rent money to get herself lunch, bc she forgot to make smth to eat before leaving and cat couldnt and wouldnt give their rent money so she could get lunch. so she asked us to bring her lunch from mcdonalds if she ordered somthing bc she had points on the app, and we had to decide tht if we are driving tht far out to where she works we might as well do something over there. cat asks if we should invite her partner with us and i agreed bc i wanted to meet him. we go to pick up her lunch, she asks me to buy her something rather than ordering smth off the app, which, feels :/ to assume ill just buy it for her. i would have if she asked but she just sent me her order. mybe an asshole move of my to say 'uhhh sure if ur able to order it off the app???'

get the food, fight thru traffic to get to her, have to fight thru parking traffic to get out of where she works. we end up visiting this old military fort and hang out for a few hours and when we come back we think bee is asleep. its like. 7:30? 8:00?

so i try to inflate the blow up bed i got for them to use for when they have other guests sleep over and me and cats bf wake her up while im trying to figure out how to work it so she comes out and snaps at us. i apologize for being loud, promise to be quieter but im inflating the air mattress so i might be loud for a few minutes. the ENTIRE time im inflating it shes standing there arms crossed glaring at us and clearing her throat the entire time. and maybe its just me but??? i find that to be a little fucking rude tbqh. me and the bf are guests and its making me feel unwelcome and regretting the money i spent to come visit her. anyways cat comes out from the bathroom bc bee is still there clearing her throat with her arms crossed even after i finished fixing up the air mattress, and its quiet as hell bc me and bf are both uncomfy. cat gets mad and upset bc were guests in their home and she shouldnt be treating her like tht. shes upset we woke her up but surprise surprise shes even MORE upset i met cats partner before hers bc she wanted it to all be 'together' even tho i agreed to meet bf bc i did! want to meet him! and that we went to the fort without her.

anyways.

i apologize to her abt that bc i wanted to meet him but shes like 'no cat knew i wanted to do this thing' which fair.

the rest of the week goes ok. i get to meet her partner and theyre so nice and funny and i was super excited to meet them. we hit off great. we get lunch with one of cats friends, bee remarks abt 'oh i used to get so upset abt ppl being happier than me, enjoyed making ppl unhappy and would go out of my way to do so, bc i didnt like that they were happy and i wasnt' i buy bee a present for her birthday and u kno week ends i go home, and turns out bees partner comes out to her abt some things and bee freaks out, gets super upset and reacts really poorly. starts crying and going off abt being betrayed and etc.

turns out partner breaks up with her the next day bc they were uncomfortable with the reaction and then she starts crying and going off again abt feeling betrayed and upset and wanting to kill herself and tht they told her they loved her and would never leave and etc etc etc amongst other 'its not faiiiir' reactions. i still hold the opinion she was upset bc they broke up with her first.

cat calls her out for her behavior and that shes saying some very inappropriate things and tht ex isnt an awful person. bee ends up demanding all the gifts she gave ex back and wanted to know what ex would be doing with special gifts they got her before they both broke up.

i honestly end up quite. disgusted? with her behavior bc any time she broke up with someone while she lived separately from cat, shed ghost us and wed only get her side of the story. cat all but ends up moving in with her partner bc bee refuses to clean up after herself and keeps making a mess of things and its just a bad living situation.

cat tells bee tht shes not thinking of renewing their lease at the end of the year bc she cant handle living like this and bee lashes out. ends up making a mess of their kitchen and breaking some of cats things.

she also uses special non stick stuff of cats and uses metal on it (which ur not supposed to do) and keeps using cats own dishes and dishes she got from her grandma and doesnt clean them or anything.

my thing is. i dont know what to do. i kinda wanna stop our friendship bc im upset at how shes treating our other mutual friend. but i dont know if i should talk to her bc ive asked cat if i should try and talk to her to get her to see tht shes not being a good friend and cats told me not to, mostly bc she refuses to see shes wrong. im leaning towards wanting to follow her advice bc she has been living with bee but also it feels so scummy not to say anything esp when i know shes going to be going thru a difficult time in the next few months. however if i talk to her, i dont want to cause her to lash out at bee or have any of her things that are still at their apartment broken bc bees already proven to lash out and break other peoples things when shes upset at them, and i dont want to make it any worse for her.

bee would tend to ghost us when she was stll living with her mother, so much so tht we wouldnt hear from her for weeks or months, esp when she was feeling bad. i would try to reach out to her just to make sure she was fucking alive lmao. im worried if i were to reach out and ask abt all this and end with our friendship splitting off, shed do something drastic like hurt herself. i want to reach out and try to salvage what i feel is a dissolving friendship but i also dont want to be friends with this type of person unless shes worked on herself. i still love and care for her but like i know who i would stick by if i had to which... feels bad to say and sucks but th fact is i am closer with cat, mostly bc when bee would ghost us me and cat would still talk and we have more in common.

i want to talk and ask her why she would do and say these things and treat ppl she loves like this but ive been told not to but it would feel wrong not to at least. reach out. i dont know what to do.

AITA?

[elegyofthemoon]

life stuff

hmmmm something in me the last two weeks has wanted nothing but to destroy things and if not that then to just go sleep for a while

tbh i think last week genuinely was my last straw. i think it's time for me to leave for something else. i'm tired of not really enjoying life and always waiting for that Jump in joy that reaching a milestone and watching each day go by so easily that i don't remember them, being too focused on a future uncertain

i want to live. thats really it. this - whatever this is - it isn't living. i love being a student and i do love learning, but i don't think this was ever cut out for me. i've prided myself so much in being so because it meant helping others, and i'll always be someone who wants to help others some way or another, but maybe this isn't my path to help others.

there's other things i can do that i might enjoy a bit more. but i think more than anything right now i just want to focus on myself - reconnect with the self that i had lost by draining myself for this dream. i want to find things that make me happy and pursue it. it might not be something my folks would be happy about, but what's life without disappointing others to make a place for yourself? if i spent so long trying to make a place for others, its about time i ought to show myself that same kindness and choose to live.

my mom's coming to visit this weekend because she's been hearing a lot about how pained i've been and just how stressed i am about the situation. it's going to be my break weekend where i don't really do a lot of work and we're gonna go enjoy sightseeing and going around the city and even go to a football match. i want to enjoy it to the fullest and reconnect with myself and live. but ... i kinda want to break the news to her that i think i need to stop before i break myself further. i'm tired of this dream. i miss living and being in the present. i miss the small joys in life like the sun or the flowers. even now all of that doesnt bring me joy anymore. its hard. and i'm scared because i've had this conversation before with her that i don't think i can go on, only to be met with "you just have to bite your tongue and do it." if i bite any harder, there'd be blood everywhere.

i have some hope though. the last call we had she said something like "if medicine wasnt meant for you FUCK medicine!" and that made me happy to hear but there's a difference between a voluntary choice of leaving vs being kicked out. i think if i said a voluntary choice, she would throw a fuss and say im giving up so easily. as though such a choice was easy for me to choose when i spent my entire life building up to this dream - sacrificing a lot of my own life, relationships, etc - in order to get here.

but it's the final day of the first month of the year, and i don't need another month of all the heartbreak that the entirety of last year had given me. i don't need to feed it further.

[cartoonmadness2230]

Here's the prplogue to my story The Last Hope ( A Deltarune Au ). The rest is on Wattpad so go check it out.

Prologue: A faded memory

" What do I think about Cyber city? " the figure looks down, it's voice filled with uncertainty. The room is dark, the only light coming though a pair of window curtains in the middle of the room.

" I...I don't know...it's hard to say.." The figure shuffles around the room in a hurry, grabbing things here and there. The shuffling finally stops when they reach the window. " Cyber city used to be full of life...but now it's all gone.." they look almost depressed when mentioning this.

The figure opens up the curtains and the light shines though and hits multiple places in the room with the seemingly always night light. The light shines onto the unknown figure, it's yellow feathers and fur glowing in the light. They look outside at the dead city and lay their hands upon the window sill. The faint sounds of crying can be heard though out the room, almost like an echo.

The yellow figure weeps silently to itself in the half dark room as it hangs its head down low. There tears falling onto the window sill. They look back up at the dead city, the once happy memories coming back to them like a title wave. Crashing into them and ripping into them deep. They cry out more upon looking out onto the city.

" It was once full of life..full of love...full of hope...but..she..but she..! " The voice gets angrier as it speaks, it grips the window sill tightly in their hands.

" We Addison's aren't treated the same at all! It's not fair...we get treated like scum, like..like we don't even exist! " They throw there hands up into the air in a fit of rage. Their voice is hurt and angry, they grumble and hit their hands down hard on the window sill.

" GOD DAMMIT! " They yell and kick the wall in front of them.

They weep quietly to themselves again, the tears staining there face. " I'm so sick and tired of us Addison's being abused! queen has used us for to long..." they wipe their nose with the sleeve of the shirt. Their breathing becomes in regular and shaky. " The lightner's are our last hope...if they don't save us...we don't have any other chance against Queen. She'll kill us instantly! "

" B-but once she's down...I hope that bitch burns in hell..." they turn around and head for the door, but before they do they look outside the window one more time before finally turning the doorknob and walking outside.

The outside air is cool and damp, the wind is slow but cold. They close the door and sigh while looking down.

" Yellow? Are you okay? " A unknown voice says. Yellow jumps and flinch's. " Ahh! Oh-...it's just you Veronica..." Yellow catches his breath as he turns to face Veronica.

Yellow rubs the back of his neck and fake smiles at Veronica, trying to hide the fact he just had a mental breakdown in his apartment. " Yeah i-im fine...why do you ask? " He cocks an eyebrow in confusion.

The bright pink Addison's across from Yellow rolls her eyes and walks over towards Yellow. Veronica's outfit consists of a pink and black strapless zebra top, a puffy black skirt, fluffy black leg warmers with black boots underneath, and some necklaces and bracelets. Her hair is puffy, like a type of hairstyle you would see in the 80s. She has black eye shadow on with black eyeliner and some blush, she shakes her head in some sort of disappointment.

" Really? I know that you're not fine, clearly I can see you faking that smile." She sighs and touch's the bridge of her nose.

Yellow sighs and nods " Yeah...your right...sorry.." He rubs his arm though his leather jacket as he looks down slightly ashamed for trying to put on an act.

" Were you crying?! " Veronica asks concerned for her friend, she takes a step forward and reaches her hand out to Yellow. " Hey, what happened in there? You okay? " Veronica rubs Yellow's back.

He nods and touch's his face " Oh-...I guess my face is still pretty red and stained..." he chuckles sadly.

" No, just stained. " Veronica replies in a caring and motherly tone.

" Ah- gotcha..." he looks down and away from Veronica in shame before looking back up at her. He fidgets with his hands for a moment while looking at Veronica.

" Is there something you want Yell- " the air is taken out of Veronica as Yellow hugs her with all his might, he cry's into her.

" Hey there, it's okay.." she rubs Yellow's head. " Do you have everything you need before we go? We can't come back here once we leave you know that right?" Veronica asks to make sure that Yellow knows the plan.

Yellow nods and looks up at his apartment " Yeah...I have everything..." He sounds dead and defeated. " It's not safe here for us..." Veronica says. " It's not safe anyway, for us.. " Yellow replies in a harsh tone as he walks past Veronica. " can we go now? I really don't feel like waiting around to be turned into a mindless slave..."

" Don't say that Yellow!" Veronica scolds him. " Don't think like that! " Yellow rolls his eyes at her " Yeah...whatever.. " Yellow messes around in his pocket until he finds a lighter and a cigarette, he lights it. " Since when did you start smoking?! " Veronica asks shocked and surprised.

" Since the world went to shit..." he takes a drag of it and coughs " Jesus...how does Blue mange to smoke these fuckers.." Yellow throws the half lit cigarette on the ground and stomps on it, putting it out. " Blue gave you that?" Veronica's puzzled, she walks over to Yellow. " No, I stole it off of him...didn't think he mind since he buys them like there nothing...what's a few missing huh?" He chuckle and stumbles a bit before he gets his bearings.

He sighs and shoves his hands in his pockets " Let's move our asses before Queen gets them.." He laughs and looks over at Veronica, she doesn't look very pleased. " Oohhh come on! That was funny! No? " He smiles and nudges her in the side with his elbow. Veronica rolls her eyes and follows Yellow " I agree, we should get moving before Queen goes on one of her hunts again...Cyber club is that way.." she points west. " It's behind one of the alleyways, there's no way Queen will fine us there."

Yellow nods and starts to follow Veronica's in the direction she pointed at. All that can be heard is there foot steps on the sold concrete and the wind blowing though the air.

[golden-letters]

i try too hard

god im so sick of this. im so sick of wanting to be smart and wanting to be at the top. revising til my eyes are strained. stressed til my hair falls out. insecure about every fucking move i make because it's going to be judged and deemed not smart enough.

god im so sick.

so sick and tired of wanting to be enough for myself and constantly being disappointed. i don't want to cry but tears sting my eyes as i write this and i hate it. people tell me i'm good enough but i just want them to shut up and stop lying and get glasses and realise im a fucking failure. that every test i get an A on was the result of endless studying and self-loathing. that i'm not smart, i'm a pathetic average wannabe who needs to crawl her way up every single step of the stairs and others can just walk through.

because i'm blessed with no athletic talent, no musical talent, no high IQ, no problem solving abilities, no creativity. because i'm born into a loveless home with shouting parents. because i've been told all my life i'm always two steps away from the top. that no matter how hard i try, i'm never the best.

they don't even try. to get an A, to write, to solve the equation, to score a goal, to run a mile. or at least, they never have to try too hard.

for the most average tasks, i die trying.

(and don't, don't tell me "they do try, they just don't show it." because i've witnessed first hand a brother who never revises and gets high grades, who thinks on his feet and comes up with faultless solutions, a mother who tells me my plots are so mediocre, my stories are cliche and unoriginal, who, when given only three words, could construct the most unique world and story, who never runs out of ideas.)

i don't know anymore. im too broke to afford a therapist so i have to shove aside all the shit i went through to be productive and diligent. to actually make something of my talentless, insignificant self. i fucking hate this. i fucking hate myself.