#im so sick. i feel so small. i feel stupid like a child for wanting to beg things to be okay. beg people please be kinder

[seithr]

no 1 i regularly chat with is on tumblr so im shouting at the wall here where im Not As Seen But Feel Someone Can Hear so I'm not talking to myself in a depression hole manner tjat is mildly even more depressing than screaming in a corner. Sorry im not sure what this is

[777heavengirl]

the one with the picture

sirius black x reader ! - 2,084 words masterlist bags masterlist A/N: IM BACK IM BACK IM BACK also sorry its so late at night hectic day xoxo i hope you enjoy!! don't forget to drop a little reblog or even just comment guys!! it is so very appreciated and it lets me know y'all want more!

“Ready to become uncles?” You asked, a yawn following your words. 

Remus smiled at you, soft and sleepy from the couch facing yours. His cane rested on the arm of the couch, abandoned for the comfort of the shitty hospital seat. Remus nodded wordlessly.

“I reckon I’ll be a terrible uncle,” Peter gruffed as he shook the box of candies into his mouth, emptying it “I have nothing to teach this bloody baby-”

“I don’t think anyone expects you to teach him anything Wormtail-” Sirius pipped up with a laugh from the corner where he paced in circles, head swiveling towards the room James and Lily were in as a nurse hurried out of it.

You ignored the bustling of nurses, you had long learned by now that unless you saw James, it probably didn’t mean anything.

“Why on Merlin’s green earth did they decide to give birth in a muggle hospital-” Peter groaned into his hands, the hours of waiting bearing down on him.

“Lily refused to do a home birth remember? St Mungo’s doesn't exactly do the whole birth thing- ” Remus muttered from the small beige sofa he had curled up in, long legs spilling from the edge of the cushions. You wondered if he was comfortable, but his eyes were closed and he had barely moved in the past two hours so you assumed on some level he probably was. Well, between his cardigan and long pants, he was at least doing better than you. You could feel your skin start erupting in goosebumps from the cold.

It had been a blur really, the furious knocking at your door at the hands of Peter, and haphazardly putting on the first thing you found after basically clawing off the stuffy funeral dress. You didn’t even have enough time to grab a jacket, barely putting on shoes as Remus and Peter swept you off to the muggle hospital. A shiver ran down your spine as you cursed the pajama shorts and stupid t-shirt you had thrown on. 

You could feel Sirius’s grey eyes on you, staring straight into the side of your head. But you refused to look, instead burying your face further into your hands. You didn’t notice he had moved until he was right next to you- 

“Take it-” Sirius handed you his suit’s jacket, basically shoving it into your arms so you couldn't say no. “You’re going to get sick,” You stared at it, fingers softly squeezing the soft material. He sat next to you. 

The small, beige couch you had chosen to sit on was much like the one you had when you were freshly moved in. It lived in your home for a measly two weeks before Euphemia decreed that no child of hers would have such a stiff abomination in her watch. It was hard and restricting. The two of you might as well have been sitting on a wooden bench. But neither of you dared to move, so you sat, silently, both wishing Euphemia could save you from the clutches of the rigid couch.

Sirius thought of the sofa. And when you first moved in. Together and bright-eyed, he had been so in love with you then. He reckons he still was. But now he knew there was no hope of you loving him back.

He cursed the couch silently.

“Put it on,” he sighed as he leaned back, his white button-up shifting as he threw his arm over the backrest. “Don’t be stubborn-”

You huffed as you put it on, “thanks…”

“Don’t mention it,” you leaned back too, the back of your neck close to his arm, almost touching but quite. “Did you bring my camera?” you nodded, but he didn't answer back. 

You couldn’t stand the distance between you, a thick jelly of silence that was anything but peaceful. You dreaded going home, you dreaded having to face that your best friend, the boy you so dearly loved was upset with you.

Especially over something so petty. What did he care that you had a job? Your own life? Something to do that wasn’t shared with him? It was rather selfish of him, wasn’t it? You could almost hear your father spew that sentence from the darkest pits of your mind. 

You stared at the small bag in Sirius’s hand. You didn’t know why you hadn’t taken notice of it before. He clutched the small velvet bag tightly. Did it have an extension charm? You wondered if it was his things then, had he carried that to the funeral? You thought you would’ve noticed. Had he been planning on staying at James’s? Had he cleared his things at some point without you noticing? 

You rubbed circles into the palm of your hand and chewed at your lip worryingly. 

If your father knew he’d call you stupid. Stupid for not looking for an apartment to move out, stupid for not being the first to leave, irresponsible, too trusting, so stupid.

You decided you maybe didn’t want to know if he was indeed planning to leave. 

“Hey-” he shifted uncomfortably “do you think we can talk about... you know, everything”

“Sirius I don’t know if it's the time-” You refused to even take a peek at him, even though you knew he was staring right at you now. 

“Well, Merlin knows how much longer we’re going to be here-” he was right, you had all been here for ages waiting for the baby to come “so yeah it might be the time,” 

You sighed, finally turning to look at him. His stupid shiny grey eyes, and his stupid porcelain skin. His stupid stupid frowning lip. He’d deny he was sporting one if you called him out on it. 

He had always been a pouty one.

You were mad. At least you wanted to be, but when you looked at him, in all his disheveled glory, the hair he had run his hand through a thousand times, the white button-up with the top buttons undone and that had been unconsciously untucked from his slacks. You just couldn’t be genuinely mad.

So you softened, finally moving to face him. Your knee knocked against his, his warmth transferring from his leg onto your skin.

“I’m sorry, for being so petty earlier- it was unfair and-” Sirius sighed, staring at your hand on your lap. His fingers twitched with the need to hold yours, to feel your no doubt freezing fingers between his warm ones.

He thought of your first week of living together again.

He grabbed your hand. You stared at the bag in his other hand again.

Like if you stared at it hard enough it would tell you its contents. But your thoughts drifted as your soft fingers were enveloped in his. Yet, you didn’t say anything, you didn’t dare. You squeezed his hand and he finally looked up, back from whatever thought he had briefly gotten lost in. 

“I’m really sorry about the past few weeks-”

“I’m sorry too,”

“I just wish you could trust me enough to let me take care of you- there’s no one else in the world I’d rather spend my days with…” You swallowed thickly as he spoke “I love you-”

“My baby’s here!” James burst through a door down the hallway, cheering at the top of his lungs without caring about the nurse shushing him. “He’s here and he’s beautiful come on you lot- come on!”

Sirius quickly scrambled to his feet, the other two boys following in the chaos of unsticking themselves from their respective sofas. You tried to ignore it, the sting in your heart. You loved him too of course. But did he love you the way you loved him? 

There simply wasn't any time for that right now.

Sirius didn’t let go of your hand; he simply pulled, pulled until you came up with him. His hand grabbed tightly onto yours and as you ran down the hall, straight for the door to Lily’s room. 

He never once let go of you.

The room was lowly lit, and Lily looked exhausted, but a smile graced her features nonetheless. Sirius tossed the small velvet bag to James with his free hand. The worry of it left your head as quickly as it had come.

Sirius dragged you by your hand all the way up to the bed, his face turning in wonder as he looked at the small baby in Lily’s arms. 

“He’s so small” Peter called out from the foot of the bed,

“He’s so bloody pink-” Sirius glanced at James’s darker skin, a beaming smile nevertheless decorating his face. “Do you reckon he’ll stay like that? Or did he get the redhead’s genes?”

“Oi is that the first thing you have to say about your godson?” James couldn't help but laugh

“My godson?” Sirius stared blankly at James, briefly flickering between Lily’s equally beaming smile and the baby’s little pink face.

“I meant to ask but-” James smiled sheepishly as Lily glared, 

“Merlin he’s my godson”

“Do you want to hold him?” Lily whispered as Sirius’s face broke into a smile as well, 

“Of course, I want to hold my bloody godson Evans- he’s my godson”

Remus chuckled as he patted James on the back. You couldn’t help but wrap your hand around the camera that hung from your wrist.

 You snapped a picture. 

You knew what Sirius would write on the back of it later.

My godson. July 31, 1980

Just simple, and small, in his fancy, loopy cursive and black ink. But monumental in itself. He had done it. He had a family, he had always had one but now he was properly part of it. He was not just a stray taken in, but he now had a part in it. He’d love that baby until his body gave out. 

He knew it, you knew it, James and Lily knew it. From the second he was born, this baby would be the most loved baby on the planet. 

“I can’t believe he’s mine-”

“You don’t get to take him home mate”

“Hush Prongs- I’m going to be his favorite I know it” Sirius smiled, a playful smirk exchanged between friends. James couldn’t help but quip back

“Right after Uncle Moony-” 

“Ah that’s for sure,” Remus laughed 

“I meant his favorite parent but I reckon Wormtail will be the preferred uncle, with all the candy pouring from his pockets the kid is gonna love him no doubt-” You all couldn’t help but laugh-

“Do you want to hold him too?” Lily asked, her gaze shifting onto your face. “I reckon the godmother also deserves to hold baby Harry-”

“Are you serious? 

“Obviously-” 

“Lily are you being serious-”

“Yes! Black hand her the baby- god-” Sirius chuckled as he passed the small bundle into your arms, placing the camera at the foot of the bed. He was heavier than you expected, and the tears gathered in your eyes as you looked at his little face. Harry was small and definitely pink. He was a quiet little thing, undisturbed by the exchange of hands he was going through. Sirius leaned his chin on top of your shoulder, his cheek borderline pressed against yours. 

“Isn’t he the ugliest most precious thing you’ve ever seen?”

“Oi!”

“He’s so ugly it's cute-” His words tickled your ear

“I don’t think babies are supposed to be all that cute straight after birth Sirius-”

“I know love,”

“Alright, picture time idiots-” Remus said, leaning on his cane as he grabbed the camera with his free hand. James sitting on the side of Lily’s bed as you and Sirius also approached, baby Harry still in your arms.

“I look like shit-” You huffed as you sat on the bed with Lily

“I do too”

“Yeah, but you have a reason to Lils” Lily laughed. Sirius’s hand never left your back. 

“Well- he won’t remember anyway-”

“The picture will-”

“Say godparents!” Sirius had basically wrapped himself to your side, his face pressed against yours, his arm around your waist as he leaned down for the picture.

The flash made your eyes sting, a wide smile on your face. 

It was fitting, the disheveled state of the lot of you, even in the picture the nurse would take for you all later. A family sewed together like a mismatched quilt. 

Sirius smiled all night.

“Seriously though why is he so pink? Is this some sort of condition? Bloody baby doesn’t look anything like Prongs-”

“-Yet” James beamed.

My family, July 31, 1980

taglist ; @thatlittlered @giuli-in-earth @notsolong-pause @niceonejames7 @caspiankingofnarnia @ilovejamespottersomuch @bmyva1entine @lanadelreykt @froggiedragon @stanzie

LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED U OR IF YOU WANNA BE ADDED (i was gone for like a month and some change so i may have not been able to properly keep up with the tag list but i did my best)

[choerrysjubiles]

Baby Fever

pairing: husband!eunseok x reader

warning: smut! dom?eunseok, cunnilingus, fingering, cum eating, fellatio, these two are kinda nasty, unprotected sex, breeding, multiple creampies, cockwarming?

wc: 2.1k

a/n: im not well, im sick in my head, i want him stupid style

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Y/n and Eunseok were very sure they didn't want kids.

Y/n was on birth control, they always had condoms. They weren't so extreme to go through any surgery to prevent children, but for the first year or two they were sure they didn't want a little one running around.

That promise stayed true for the first year and a half.

It started during a Christmas party, the host had a special holiday baby, born just a week ago. At first Eunseok thought it was dangerous to have a newborn near so many adults, y/n, on the other hand, thought the baby was too cute.

Slowly planting seeds of thinking of what their baby would look like.

Y/n held the baby a few times while their mother was busy going to the restroom. She'd smile down at the baby, feeling how heavy they were, making sure they were comfortable.

Later, during a spring barbecue with neighbors, they found another new family. A small toddler running around with other small children, y/n and Eunseok slowly noticed a trend happening. New parents, more children, something that could be considered signs to them.

Hmmm.

That barbecue, y/n found the den of mothers helping each other with their children. Exchanging tips and tricks for helping a baby to sleep, what pediatrics were the best. Where to find the best baby food or what foods promoted brain growth.

During the summer, Eunseok was on child patrol with his first-time-father friends. He'd help corral the kids, play with them by lifting them with his bicep.

He had fun with the kids. They were rowdy but Eunseok was hard to push, his patience far outlasted any of his friends and their wives.

"He's good." Y/n's friend said.

"Eunseok?" She said, turning towards the voice.

"Have you tried yet? He'd make a good dad."

"No, not yet." Y/n gave a tight lipped smile, "We still want to be us for minute, then we'll discuss children."

"Tell me when, we could make some childhood friends."

Later that week, y/n continued thinking about those moments. Getting ready for bed, brushing her hair, changed into her nightgown.

Eunseok walked into their shared bedroom, walking behind y/n to wash up before bed. He noticed her lost in her thoughts, mindlessly brushing her hair.

Grasping onto her shoulder to massage the tight muscles. Eunseok studied her.

"You're tense. Everything okay?"

Y/n woke up from her thoughts "Oh, yeah. I'm just distracted."

"By what?"

Y/n stood in thought. Should she tell him? He'd probably say "We'll just wait it out. Feel for when the time is right." But what if he doesn't?

"There are so many new babies being born."

"Huh?" He almost laughed.

Y/n felt her cheeks warm.

"Well, our neighbors, some of your coworkers have kids now. You know, it's just been making me think."

Eunseok wraps his arms around her, looking at her through the mirror.

"Would you like a baby?"

"I don't know. Kind of?"

Leaning down to kiss her neck, he whispers into her ear.

"Then let's try. There's always room for trying. If it doesn't work we'll figure it out."

Y/n felt her thighs tighten. The close proximity of her husband, the idea of him cumming inside her, she felt her core flood with desire. Her face began warming.

"We can try." She nodded her head, feeling the furrow of her brows relax.

They finished washing up before walking to their bed, Eunseok was kissing along her neck and shoulder. He lightly pushed the neckline down to continue going down.

Sitting down, he kept his hands on her.

"You know," he was kissing down her collarbones, "I've thought about a baby, too."

"You have?" She gasped, feeling her knee get pulled apart as he leaned further into her, slowly crawling on top of her.

"With all the babies surrounding us, it's good practice."

He kissed back up to capture y/n's lips. Tongue licking along her lip as y/n opened her mouth letting his lick his way in. Y/n's arms held onto his shoulders as she felt herself float in oblivion.

"Have you thought about this?" He asks, lips barely parting from hers.

"Yes." She gasps, feeling his warm hands move to her breasts before slipping the straps off of her nightgown.

"What have you thought about?" He moved to suck on her neck.

"I thought about how you would cum in me." She moaned.

"How your large cock would fill me up-" She gasped at his hand went to her core.

"How you'd feel pumping your cum in me."

Eunseok's fingers were dripping in her arousal. He brought his fingers to his mouth as he sucked them.

"Well you're going to have to wait for that."

He crawled down to her core, riding her gown up to her waist as he began licking and kissing her soaked panties. Y/n's thighs began closing along his head before he stretched them open, again.

Licking along her clit through the underwear before scraping his teeth along her skin to bite and pull them off of her legs.

Pulling the panties down her legs, there was a long string of slick still connecting her core to her underwear. Throwing the soaked garments onto the floor, Eunseok leaned into her core.

Y/n grasped onto the pillow below her as he hovered over her core, hot breath teasing her. He carefully began licking her, indulging in the moans pouring out of his wife. He slurped up her cum before licking up to her clit.

Laying one arm across her hipbones, Eunseok's other hand was free to finger her. Inserting two fingers to stretch her out, scissoring his fingers as he inserted his tongue to lap up her arousal. His tongue pushing into her core easily as her moans grew louder.

His mouth went back up to her clit as he sucked onto it, fingers pumping in and out.

"Right there, ahh."

"Are you gonna cum?" He asked.

"Yes." She moaned.

Eunseok, sticking his stiff tongue out to prod at her, pumped his fingers with a Herculean strength. Her hips began raising as he continued pumping her, a few scratch marks along his shoulder and she felt herself explode.

Taking his fingers out, Eunseok drank up her cum. Y/n felt a wave of coldness, goosebumps crawling along her skin as Eunseok overstimulated her with his mouth.

"You're sweeter than usual." He said, pulling away from her core.

"Maybe I'm ovulating, maybe that means you should fuck me." She said, eyes blown out at she eyes the bulge in his pajama pants.

"Maybe you are ovulating, you don't usually speak like that." He said, crawling up to slide her night gown off.

"Maybe you should suck me off so I don't have to punish you."

"Maybe I should."

Y/n slid to the floor as Eunseok began pushing his pants down, his dick sprung up, slapping his stomach as y/n pushed his pants and briefs off.

As y/n knelt down, she felt completely exposed. She'd never been so naked in her room. Always having sex under the blanket or caged in by Eunseok. This was new and exciting.

Kneeling up, y/n grabbed onto his dick, giving it a gentle lick across his tip before lick down to his base.

Y/n never forgot how big her husband was, the first time they did anything together was memorable. The first time she gave him head, he was nervously watching her take him. The first time they had sex he couldn't fully fit, slowly coaxing his cock deeper into her.

Y/n dripped her saliva onto his dick, mixing it with his precum before she began pumping his length. Eunseok's hand carefully moved down to hold her head, pushing her hair out of the way as he watched her suck him lower and lower.

What she couldn't take, her hand was squeezing and pumping. Moving up, y/n sucked and licked along his tip, earning some gasps and moans, before she sucked down to the halfway point of his dick.

Moving her hand down, she squeezed and massaged the base of him as she sucked and bobbed onto the rest of his length.

"Fuck, there." Eunseok moaned.

Y/n continued bobbing her head, other hand moving to gently massage and stimulate his balls as she heard his moans grow louder.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum." He said, tapping her on her shoulder.

Y/n moved up to suck on his head as her hands continued their ministration before she felt his hot cum squirt into her mouth.

"Ahhh." He sighed, heavy lidded and panting as he came.

Y/n was too dazed swallowing his cum to get a grasp at how much he was shooting into her mouth. Some of his semen dripping down the sides of her mouth.

Pulling her up onto the bed, Eunseok kissed her, licking his cum off of the sides of her mouth. He laid y/n down onto the pillow, deepening their kiss. Her hands rubbing up and down his arms, feeling his shoulders and biceps as Eunseok felt himself calm down from his orgasm.

They continued kissing as Eunseok felt himself grow hard, again. Grabbing at her legs, he wrapped them around his waist, fingers playing with her core. Looking down at her pussy, he saw her slick dripping onto the bed.

"You want a baby, right?" He looked down at her, his face flushed as his dick began leaking with precum.

"So badly, I want your dick in me, please." She begged, eyes looking down at his dick.

He teasingly taps his head on top of her clit, gaining a high pitched gasp. He adjusts his legs before aligning and pushing his dick into her core.

The stretch was always her favorite part. He may not always be fully sheathed in her, but his dick could always stretch her stupid. Through her consistent clenches, Eunseok was able to fully slide in her, holding still to stop himself from thrusting carelessly in and out of her.

When he felt his composure gain, he slowly slid in and out. A slew of moans and sighs escaped his wife, begging him to speed up.

Her pussy was dripping in cum, making a lewd wet sound every time Eunseok thrusted in and out.

Moving her legs from his waist to around his shoulders, he began pumping his dick faster in her. Eunseok felt his legs slipping, falling onto his knees as he continued plowing into y/n.

"Yes, right here, fuck me!" She moaned.

He continued pumping into her, feeling his orgasm grow near.

"Rub your clit."

Y/n, through clouded eyes, looked up at him in confusion.

"Now." He said through gritted teeth.

Her hand slid down, rubbing her soaked clit. Her walls clenched and her moans grew louder. Feeling him thrust and hold to his hilt, y/n felt her walls clench and coil undo. They both came with a drawn out moan, Eunseok's hips continuing to thrust through the overstimulation.

He almost collapsed down, barely able to pull out before sliding to his side of the bed.

Y/n could feel his drip out of her core.

"Mmmm." She said uncomfortably.

"What's wrong?" Eunseok asked, head tilting to the side.

"Your cum's dripping out of me."

Eunseok groaned, "Don't make me hard again."

"This feels gross."

"I thought you wanted a baby?" He teased.

"A baby is different from cum dripping out of me."

Eunseok shimmied down, head looking up at her core. His cum was starkly different from her, a thick white liquid pouring out of her.

He pushed her knee apart.

"Can I fuck you again?"

"Does my clit still work?"

He swiped along her core, seeing her jump from the stimulation.

"Fuck, please."

Eunseok, still tired from his previous orgasm, re-entered her core. Feeling his hips move on their own, he rhythmically thrusted into y/n. His moans and sighs being as loud as hers.

"Fuck you're so tight. I just fucked you."

Y/n's hand moved down to her clit as Eunseok stared at her tits bouncing from his thrusts. His hips moved even faster than earlier, his hands gripped her hips tightly as he felt his third orgasm approach.

This one hit harder, feeling himself fall forward as his hips sputtered into y/n's core. His eyes squeezed tightly as he laid his head down into the crook of her neck.

Feeling himself empty, he laid there to catch his breath.

"If I stay here, maybe my cum won't drip out."

Y/n's hand drifted to his hair, soothing him.

"That'd be nice, if you're good with staying here."

"Of course." He said, leaning over to lay a kiss on her left breast. Y/n lifted his head away from where he was moving.

"No, you're gonna get yourself hard again."

"That wouldn't be so bad." Eunseok laughs.

Y/n reaching over to find their duvet to lay on top of the two.

[folkloresthings]

[ regretful + for lewlewlemon 🍋 (lewis hamilton) please ] im so dumb for not placing it on my ask earlier, lmfao

[ regretful ] for a kiss meant to apologise for with lewis hamilton.

✩⡱ warnings: suggestion of sex, some arguing

you knew what you were getting into when you started dating lewis. his entire life was racing, all he’d ever wanted was to be a formula one driver. so when your relationship got serious, you were quick to understand that you weren’t his only priority.

for the most part, this was absolutely fine. you adored watching him do what he loved and being his number one supporter. but sometimes, you couldn’t help but feel a little… left behind. when he’d get home after you’d fallen asleep and leave before you would wake in the morning. like two ships, passing in the night, days would go by before you could actually have a conversation.

“you know what peak season is like, y/n! i can’t just drop everything to go to dinner with you,” lewis sighs, one late night (or early morning), leaning against the kitchen counter.

you stand near the doorway, one of lewis’ old shirts hanging around your thighs, feet cold on the tiled floor. “i’m not—”

“i have to practice, or all of this was for nothing!” he’s frustrated, and tired, and probably a little hungry. you know that it’s not you he’s annoyed at, you’re just the nearest thing to take it out on. “i know that i’m not paying attention to you all the time, but i’m so close to another championship — i have to focus on that!”

“stop shouting!” you eventually interject, and he looks up at you in shock, softening when he notices the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. “i’m sorry, okay? i just thought it would be nice to spend some time together. i… i miss you, lew. i’m proud of you, i am, but it’s just so lonely when you’re gone.”

it’s pitiful, how you can never hold yourself together in front of him. your cheeks soak with the tears falling down them now, feeling like a small child chastised for being needy.

“hey, hey,” lewis rushes across the kitchen in a few strides, pulling you into his strong chest. his heart breaks with guilt; the guilt of leaving you all alone while he was off chasing a dream. “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.”

pulling back, he wipes his thumbs under your eyes, drying the tears that lay there. he pecks your lips, eyes watching just in case you wanted to hit him for being stupid. but you don’t, so he leans in again, a gentle kiss that spills all of his apologies across your lips.

“i love you, okay? and i promise i’ll spend more time here. i’m going to take you on so many dates you’ll be sick of me.”

you sniff, a giggle escaping your lips. lewis smiles softly, glad to see your sadness subsiding for a moment. you nod, nuzzling yourself into his chest for another hug, one he gladly returns.

“c’mon, let’s go to bed. i’ve got some time to make up for.”

[hayden-christensen-verse-2-0]

A Mothers anguish-A father's punishment

Warnings: DDDNE, main character death, allusions to r@pe, child murder, death, suicide, unborn child killed and other possible triggering things

don't like then please don't read

y/n pov

I've been trapped here on this stupid ship for years and it only feels like yesterday that he took me here after he killed my children……..

“Oh my sweet luke and leia….” I sob out into my hands before looking up and out the window and seeing the part of the galaxy where we've stopped at. I remember it so clearly it was 5 years after order 66, with the help of obi wan i was able to birth my twins, luke and leia and help me settle down on tatooine. Obi wan also told me anakin had fallen into the dark side, something i thought impossible of anakin. We also had to pursue him to confront him and only for him to force choke me to unconsciousness and only woke up when the battle between obi wan and anakin's fight was over. Luke and Leia were adorable and looked like Anakin so much and the years flew by and my children were 5 and so full of life and HE came.

Flashback

I was in the kitchen humming an old lullaby only to hear my children scream out in fear. I rushed outside only to find lukes’ neck in the hands of darth vader struggling and leia with a still slightly smoking wound in her chest. 

“M-mama” Luke choked out, his little hand reaching out and eyes pleading for me, only to go limp and lifeless with a sick crunch and let go to fall next to his motionless sister. I scream out in agony and rush forwards, dropping to my knees scrambling to clutch my lifeless children. The last thing i had of anakin, i weep desperately into my childrens bodys’ as vader watches unmoved before im struck in the back of the head, vision going dark.

Flashback over

It's been 18 years since then and ive had one more child with another on the way. I love my new children but still weep for my long lost ones. Atlas my son with vader, he has my deep (e/c) and my (h/c) and there are other qualities that mirror anakins and that's how i found out that vader was anakin but sick and twisted, a shell of a dutiful and loving man i knew. If I was honest I did not want any more kids but Vader cared very little about my opinion and forced me to have atlas and soon another on the way. I had nearly thrown up when I found out, to know he had killed his own children without mercy. As I stare out the huge window still lost in thought to be snapped back to reality to a knock on my door.

“Come in” my tone authoritatively turned my body to the door, the long dress twisting with my body. Incomes a stormtrooper and he bows before speaking and as the words escape his mouth my eyes widen and my fears have come to fruition yet again

“Empress, i'm here to report to you that prince atlas has been killed in battle” and after he finished he bowed again and walked out of vaders’ and my chambers. I stand there frozen in agony and anguish of losing yet another one of my babies. I clutch my growing bump before falling to my knees and let out scream from the back of my throat, one only a mother grieving her child could let out. I fall forwards onto my hands, tears leaving small puddles on the gray steel floors. My mind races with thoughts and worries for the only remaining child I have, the one in my womb and My mind spiraling into a dark place.

“ I won't let him take my last child, not my little  juniper” I whisper out protectively, eyes wide and full of tears still, searching my room for something and I finally spot it. I get up and stumble over it. I reach my hand forwards and wrap my hands around the cold steel handle of the dagger and lift it up to my eyes before turning around and walking to my bedside table to retrieve one last thing. Opening my drawer to the bedside table I fish out anakins and my old wedding rings, his a silver band with my (e/c) as the jewels around the band and mine with a silver band as well with a good size steely blue gem as the centerpiece. I look at them lovingly and smile sadly, I slowly shift my eyes to the new wedding band Vader gave me. It's black and red, it screams sith, I reach up and rip the vile ring off and throw it at the wall. I return to the window and I kneel onto my knees and raise the dagger up to align to my womb before thrusting it into myself and I bite my lip to muffle my scream, I pull the blade out to then thrust it back in again in a different area of my womb. After a couple more thrust the dagger falls from my hand and clatters to the floor. I fall to my side hugging my belly, shedding tears that slide across the bridge of my nose to land on the floor, I bring my clasped hand to look at me and Anakin's wedding rings before placing a final kiss upon his ring and resting my hand against my chest. I slowly feel myself dying from blood loss and whisper out one last thing unknown to me the force carried it to the shell of the man i said it about and go lifeless

“Anakin……i-i love you forever and always my dear sun…”

Vader pov

I stand in my throne room facing the wide window that shows the galaxy as i think of atlas when i hear a faint whisper in my mind

“Anakin……i-i love you forever and always, my beloved sun…”

My eyes widened behind my mask and realized she sounded weak. A chill runs down my spine and a pit of dread forms in my stomach. Worriedly I turned around and pushed myself as fast as I could down the halls of the ship to my chambers, doors sliding open to reveal my wife laying on the ground in a puddle of her own blood, her once white dress now red and clinging to her form. I rushed towards her dropping to my knees beside her to turn her onto her back, seeing the blood had come from her belly. I moved her into my arms and cradled against my chest and began rocking back and forward. My breathing comes out patchy through the vocoder and tears fogging the lenses of my mask. My mind wanders over the last 18 years and everything happening, I realize I was cruel and vile to her and the death of Atlas must have been the tipping point. I have taken her against her will, killed my own children and isolated her from everything. I let out a muffled scream as it all hits at once, I rest my head against her looking into her dull lifeless eyes and bring a hand up to close them. Here i sit and wallow in my regrets and grief

All I have done was for not, I'm alone again and it's all my fault 

[z0-ne]

Christmas time (Fish eyes! Uncle illumi x child reader! platonic)

Dead dove: do not eat - Mentions of emotional abuse, physical, scars, suicidal thoughts kidnapping and isolation. Read with caution!

It's a Holiday. A Holiday I should celebrate, or at least I should be celebrating. I should be happy I've finally found my way out of that wretched room.

My nails are bent and some hanging onto the skin by a thread, but I am free of that cold dark room.

My feet may be bare, the snow stings at my toes, freezing my nerves and causing me to shiver, but I don't have to worry about the cruel gaze of those empty black eyes. The ones that stare at me, unblinking, unfeeling as I am whipped for failing to win his sick games or the games of his accomplice.

I'm alone, but I am alive. I am older than I was when I was brought here. I am no longer that small child, sobbing their days away with a grumbling stomach. A ten year old child stands in their place.

I have learned my way around that house, but it was easier in the summer to track a way out. With the snow piling, nearly reaching up to my knees with every step, the wind harsh and unforgiving as more snow covers my line of sight.

Winter is cold and merciless.

I keep going. I'm not sure what I am really looking for at this point, I want a way out. But I cant tell if I'm closer or further from my goal. What will I do once I think I'm safe?

Will I run? Will I simply hide away? If I hide where would I hide? As far as Im concerned there isnt another sign of life for miles, and the winter is much to harsh for me to make it to town just to get others killed like....

Like I did all that time ago. The memories of her dead corpse, her lifeless body hiting the ground, how she painted the grass red with her blood. It haunts me to this day, and I know it should.

He's told me, so many times. Nothing would've happened had I simply stayed where I was told to be. Had I not let my curiosity- no, my stupidity get to me, I wouldn't have led her to her death.

At first, I was in denial, I tried to push away my thoughts of accountability, burying them under false thoughts that I was simply a child.

Excuses. Thats what it was, and I am much to old for those now. So where can I go? What can I do? I can not go to another, for the fear of killing someone else for my own selfish needs is far too much for me to bare.

The snow grows taller, and my body grows colder. However I keep walking, for some reason I don't stop. Its like my body won't let me.

The body that should be dead, but stays alive only by taking from others. I should've died that day. Not her, not my Nanny, such a kind selfless soul, even in her last moments she did nothing but give while all I did was stand by and take.

I took her chance of life away once I ran, I took it away once I stayed still instead of running back to her and pleading to go home.

'Home.'. I think to myself, my breath hitches as my heart stops for just a moment. What is that at this point? Is it the place where I am beaten for allowing my steps to be heard in the halls?? Where I am told I should feel guilty for being alive when if given the chance I'd gladly fix my mistake?

Is it the place where I thought I'd be happier, surrounded with my siblings, my parents, in a warm area with a fire infront of me to keep me warm. Food on the stove, the smell of it enough to make my mouth water and my stomach grumble.

A place where my birth was a blessing instead of a curse. Where my life is celebrated and I am not punished for every breath I take.

Do I...even deserve such a place? I've taken from them, a life. Its no wonder they haven't come for me yet. It has been four years, and not even a single sign. New scars, deeper and more painful are placed upon me everyday, and they're likely joined together by the fire enjoying its gentle warmth.

While I am suffering in the rough hands of the cold. The snow at my knees, my eyes squinted, I can hardly feel my face now. If I were to cry, my tears would likely freeze.

As I continue to drag my feet through the snow, I see something in the distance- no not something. Someone, it is...my fathers shadow? All the way out here?

I hear his distant call, his voice so familiar it has to be him. 'No, I shouldn't waste his time...my uncle...says I'm a nuisance to them.' I think, attempting to remind myself that I no long have a place there.

However, I hear his voice call out to me once more, and my body reacts despite my mind screaming for it to give up. My legs picking themselves up as they force themselves through the snow.

A loud crunch as I stomp through it, only to trip over my leg, I fall forward but that doesn't matter, my body keeps moving, my arms flailing around aimlessly to keep moving despite knowing I shouldn't bother.

He's there, he's so close and I see it. I imagine the warmth of his hug, how it felt to be engulfed in his arms and swung around as if it was a miracle to see me and i longed for that love again.

So I kept going. I got closer, and closer, squinting my eyes as the wind grew more harsh. Once close enough, I reached out yelling at his back, hoping to grab onto the fabric and catch his attention. So he'd lift me into his arms and hold me once more.

"Dad!" I call out but I an disappointed, my eyes opened wide, my vision clears as the wind stops-- no time itself seemed to stop. It wasn't the back of my father, nor the shadow of Gon or my mother

No, it was but a lonely tree. No lights. No ornaments. Nothing. Its trunk was buried into the snow, and only the green is visible.

In an instance, I feel my heart shatter, and I fall to my knees as the wind blows once more, gently moving the leafs of the tree, swaying back and forth.

Another case of denial. Why would they come for me? Why would they ever even for a moment consider bringing me back when I've only caused problems in their lives?

Even when I know I don't deserve a home, even when I know I don't deserve their love, or their warmth. I still have those selfish thoughts, those pointless wishes.

I look down, my hands numb and covered in snow. I'm so cold...but I deserve it. I don't deserve the warmth. I look at my arms and wrist, covered in welts and bruises from my punishments, atoning for my actions.

A little pain in comparison to my Nanny loosing her life... I have been far too lucky.

My eyelids are growing heavy, and so is the rest of my body. I shiver as I loose feeling in my trembling bones. 'I should've...died that day....I should die now...' I think to myself as I lay in the snow, underneath that lonely tree.

While my vision has gone black, I can hear footsteps approaching in the distance. As I wish for death, I know a fate much worse awaits me once he arrives.

The winter may be cruel and merciless, but it can also be beautiful and kind unlike my Uncle.

Illumi, more cruel than winter, and anything I've ever known, and as my mind fades. I can only hope to be selfish one more time and not wake up the next day.

(BONUS! [Just in case you want a kinda happy ending])

Honestly, I've only dealt with two children as... stupid as this one.

What child, would run off in the middle of a blizzard and in the dead of night none the less?

I have been walking for hours, questioning why I am doing this for some child who isn't really my responsibility. I never said we should kidnap them. I was done with raising children after their mother.

Alas, their potential did catch my attention, not to mention the odd sense of dejavu I get when I look at them.

I have a coat, and clothes to cover up, but I didn't think I'd be hunting down a preteen so late at night, by myself nonetheless.

'Being left to babysit and I've lost it in the middle of a blizzard. How lovely-' I think to myself, before I pause. I see them, just as they fall face first into the snow.

I sigh, shaking my head as I walk through the snow, it crunches beneath my feet as i get closer to them. Once close enough, there they are. Curled up in the snow,, trembling.

Again, I get a sense of dejavu. Its the worse times when they look most like their mother to me. They're just as troublesome as she was, I grunt as I bend down, picking them up by the scuffle of their shirt and hoist them over my shoulder.

"You should be lucky that Illumi didn't find you." I say with a chuckle, the child is unconscious, although if illumi had found them instead of me a punishment would await them once they wake.

"Take this act of mercy as your "present" from me."

However, judging by their frozen skin, and trembling body I'm sure the winter was punishment enough.

[ender-goo]

May I request some Stryker x Kabal fluff? Please?

Anon i haven't written a single thing for months now so this is probably hot garbage but- here you go, hope you like it (and im really hoping here).

***

"Oh crap, you're burning!" Kabal shouted after taking Stryker's temperature, he was feeling a little sick before going to bed last night, and when he woke up he found himself with a fever, probably gotten from work.

"Relax, love, is not that bad-" Stryker wasn't at all worried about it, it was nothing he couldn't handle, he's had a billion fevers before, especially as a child.

But Kabal was worried, he was even considering taking Stryker to the hospital, just in case it was something worse, but at the same time he wasn't risking a billion dollar bill.

Stryker did like this kind of attention though, he thought it was adorable for Kabal to worry about him, he just didn't want him to worry too much.

"Well, i'm getting myself some food-" Stryker tried to stand up from the bed, but Kabal immediatly stopped him, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to sit in bed again.

"Don't even think about it, Kurt! Damnit, let me take care of you!" Kabal argued, kind of annoyed, "I'll get you the food myself."

"You'll have to-" Stryker made a pause to cough, " You'll have to stop me, cinnamon, cuz this damn fever won't."

An idea hit Kabal, liked it or not, he will take care of Stryker, even if he puts resistance.

"Lie down." Kabal ordered.

"Nah." Stryker replied with a snarky smile on his lips. Kabal then pushed Stryker down to the matress and pinned him there, as his free hand reached to the end of the blanket.

"What are you dooiiiiing?" Stryker asked, half jokingly half confused, Kabal then started rolling him into the blanket and that's when Stryker understood what was going on.

"There's no way-"

"Gotta keep you to stay still one way or another."

Stryker put up no resistance, however, he found it amusing the lenghts Kabal would go to keep him from harm... As small as it may be.

After like a minute or so, Kabal was done.

"There we go." Kabal panted, he didn't remember Stryker being so heavy, "I turned you into a burrito."

"Burrito Stryker, heh." Stryker giggled at the sheer stupidity of the situation, Kabal's dedication was admirable, though.

"Now you'll stay there and let me take care of you." Kabal walked towards the door, leaving to the kitchen

"I just don't want you to worry too much, you know?" Stryker lifted his head to see where Kabal was, "I know how you can get sometimes."

Kabal sighed "I know... I know, i'm just-

"Afraid to lose me?" Stryker finished Kabal's sentence for him, they've had this conversation before in the past, Stryker's already memorized it.

Kabal went back to bed and sat next to Stryker, caressing his hair. "Tired of hearing that already, eh?"

"You'll never lose me, cinnamon, besides, is just a fever, give it a few days and i'll be good as new."

"You're right, you're right." Kabal agreed "Sorry-"

"You big dummy... I'd hug you if i could, but-"

"I can fix that." Kabal then lied in bed and cuddled Stryker, still wrapped in the burrito, "There we go."

"...But you may get sick too."

"Don't care"

That got a laugh out of Stryker, his husband sure worried a little too much, but that just made him love him more, it was nice to have someone that cares.

"You still want something to eat?" Kabal asked

"Nah, stay here, i like the extra warmth"

So Kabal stayed and cuddled him, Stryker kinda wished he could cuddle back but whoops, giant burrito wrap, but he didn't mind, as long as Kabal was there, it was enough.

[i-am-a-l0st-gh0st]

★Masterlist★

- Albedo

Underneath the Stars- "I heard you talking in your sleep."-\

Brainrot- Fluff

-Scara

im scum, im waste, im what you want- 'I thought I told you not to smile at other men.'

Part 2

Part 3

What am I gonna do- "Why are you asking me such stupid questions?"

Hold me closer and I'll hold back- "Same old heart with the same old tricks, hold me closer and I’ll hold back"

He says everything I need to hear- And its like i couldn't ask for anything better

If im dead to you why are at the wake?- Cursing my name, wishing I'd stayed

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater- and if may just take your breath away

-Alhaitham

A soulmate who wasn't meant to be- 'Was our relationship just a joke to you...?'

All the stars aligned- "And what name should I put?"

When I'm not with you think of me always- "Everything is alright just hold on tight, that's because I'm a god old fashioned lover boy"

In front of all your stupid friends- "If you kissed me would it be just like i dreamed?"

Brainrot

When I'd fight you used to tell me I was brave- “Cause I loved you, I swear I love you… Till my dying day…”

-Kaeya

One last time- 'Can you just kiss me? One last time? That's all I ask...'

I'll do anything you ask of me- My fingers pressed until their sore

-Tighnari

Wandering in the woods- "It's alright Collei, they should be okay. You did good."

-Xiao

Falling asleep on him- 'He was rarely shown affection and was very unsure what do to when he received it.'

Drunk under a street light- "But I knew you, dancing in your Levis drunk under a street light"-

You said you love me exactly the way I am- "Guess I must be satisfactory you said you love me exactly the way I am"

Show me how you care- Show me how you smile

Meet me at our spot- Baby, are you coming for the ride?

Childe

In your arms tonight-. 'You hadn't been hugged by anyone like this in years, so of course some tears were shed.'

Hey I miss your stupid face- Get back to my place, I need you. It hurts so much to wait

I never meant to hurt you though- I pushed a lot back but I can't forget it

Neuvillette

But I didn't need to be stronger I needed to be saved- You wanted nothing more than to hold him

And that's why I love fall- I love you y/n don't you forget that

With eyes as dead as mine- "Oh, what a blessing to meet someone like you."

Could you ever imagine where our lives could be- Luckily you saw something in me, something I couldn’t see

Ayato

But now he's playing with your head- "God will you stop being so clingy!"

They never know what you know- "It's not that simple but they won't seem to notice"

All the leaves are brown- And the sky is grey

Kaveh

All this over a kiss- "You're Y/N, my Fiance!"

Clung on tightly, like parentheses- "And every sentence that a spoke began and ended with ellipsis"

I wanna be your favourite boy- "I wanna be the one who makes your day, the one you think about as you lie awake"

Why don't you love me anymore?- But you say I don't know how to love

Lyney

I don't know what to do without you- "Please, I'm still the same lyney you fell in love with"

Please hold me close to you- Baby flatline still time to do it too

And i thought you might be mine- In a small world, on an exceptionally rainy Tuesday night

Feeling sick of myself- Guess I'll try to be someone else (trans masc reader)

The breathing exercises hurt- They don't do fuck all

I'll Hide My Chest...- And i'll figure out a way to get us out of here

No alarms and no surprises-Such a pretty house And such a pretty garden

Wait by the door like I'm just a kid- And watch you tolerate it.

Boys don't cry- I would say i'm sorry, if thought that it would change your mind.

I should be over all the butterflies- Im still into you

Secrets i have held in my heart- are harder to hide than I thought

Part 1

Part 2

I'm cutting people out again- I hope to see their faces when I pursue. Haunting you…

I'll hide my chest- And I'll figure out a way to get us out of here.

Wriothesley

Yeah, you made it all alright- Those words were for you and for you alone

Why do I myself dream like this?- "But perhaps its just my stupid hea in the end

We fell in love in October- That's why I love fall

They say it's such a shame, I turned out this way- "The red means I love you."

We listen to a lot of true crime- But it's alright, she'll be fine

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Breaking my back just know your name- Well, some body told me, that you have a boyfriend.

Make sure nobody sees you leave- Tell your friends you're out for a run

Heizou

I can't stop you putting roots in my dream land- Despite being a detective many things about you were still a mystery that he could never figure out.

Thoma

Sweet tea in the summer- "Sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart won't tell no other"

You know i wanna be your light- In darkness, How you find me just in time to tell me what I needed to hear.

Kazuha

I don't deserve you, you deserve the world- Every time that i miss you I feel the way you hurt

Diluc

Oh what a blessing to meet someone like you- "With eyes as dead as mine"

Just know that if you hide, it doesn't go away- When you get out of bed don't end up stranded

It's always been just him and me together- So I'll bet all I have on

Just one more tear to cry- One tear drop from my eye

Multi

Coming out as Non-binary

You and me, always forever- Fremient, Lyney, Alhaitham

Gaming

If you're lost you can look and find me- Time after Time

You're just another picture to burn- There's no time for tears

Arlecchino

Date rambles-

My kinda girl- Im down on my hands and knees begging you please baby

[gtlurker]

Finally chapter six of inhuman, unfortunately I couldn't find a way to squeeze any g/t into this chapter, but, new perspective and new characters are introduced in this new addition, enjoy!

Chapter six,

Damien

Im three hours into the thirteen hour flight from venice italy to vancouver canada, and each passing second im more tempted to knock out the pilot, take the wheel and break most of the air traffic safety rules.

It took me ten years to find my sister, and I hired the two most idiotic men to retrieve her. I would've done it myself if it weren't for the fact that I was in Europe when I got the notification that she was still in the same town we grew up in.

I knew my father wasn't an idiot when it came to where he put his labs, he strategically places them in old worn abandoned buildings so that they're not on the government's radar. Unfortunately for him, I'm not as stupid as the government and was able to find isabelle.

Granted it took me ten years, but I know for a fact that she's still alive and not too injured. I know for a fact that she's going to have a lot of changes due to the unique nature of our fathers experiments, but it won't be anything I cant reverse.

I was seventeen when Isabelle was taken to the lab. My mother and father came home that day to tell me about what they had done, and informed me that I was going to be taken there as well. Not for the same reason as my sister though, they wanted me to start visiting the labs so I could learn what I would be in charge of after they passed. Of course when I protested their reaction was not what i was expecting. Instead of the usual violence and threats on my life, they said something a hundred times worse.

They had threatened to use Isabelle for tests that the subjects were not meant to survive.

With how They had gone into detail about the different ways they could make her death slower and more agonizing, I knew I didn't have much of a choice but to force other innocent children into the same sick fate that hundreds have been put through due to my parents. In a way I'm just as bad as they are, I couldn't find another way to save my sister and instead hurt dozens of others just like her, And I don't even know if I truly saved her at all.

Nine more hours into the flight I'm tempted to just grab a parachute and jump out of the plane window.

I refrain however, I don't think the other passengers would appreciate a sudden loss of pressure in the cabin. The last hour of the flight Is always the longest and I feel like now Is worse than ever.

I sigh for what feels like the millionth time since I boarded the plane, and I only sigh louder when the baby I'm sitting ten seats in front of starts wailing once again. Anyone who brings a baby on a plane should at least have the decency to be able to keep it quiet. Yet another sigh escapes my lips as I unbuckle my seatbelt and make my way over to the women holding the baby, my expression carefully folded into an expression that masks the annoyance that is building inside my core.

Once I reach her seat, and see the baby's little face scrunched up with tears running down his face, alongside a clearly exhausted mother who looks like she hasn't gotten a wink of sleep in the last week. I tap her shoulder and her eyes meet mine, the dark circles under her eyes abundantly clear. “Excuse me miss, I don't mean to be rude,” I tell her in my customer service, and I hold out the small blue stuffed bear that I keep with me for situations like this, “but would your child want this to help him calm down?” the baby in question stops its blubbering and begins to make grabby hands at the toy, and his mother accepts the toy with a grateful smile and I leave before she can initiate any small talk.

Once the plane has landed, I waste no time grabbing my bags and calling a taxi to take me to the very odd address I was given by the idiots I hired. Since I was in such a rush to leave Italy, I only packed three bags to take with me. One for essentials, one for my equipment, and one for Isabelle's things that I managed to get my hands on after my parents threw them all out. The cab driver is a young man in his twenties, he seems tired and based on his expression I assume he's not really one of those chatty drivers i hate.

I lean back and pull out my phone, a simple black burner phone that I use to contact anyone involved in my less than legal life. After scrolling through the seemingly never ending list of contacts before finally coming across the one i need. I click the call button and bring the phone to my ear. Once I hear the voice on the other end of the phone, I speak before they have a chance to take a breath. “You have twenty minutes.”

[altermay]

Tw/ transphobia, discussions of dysphoria, brief mention of suicide, descriptions of child abuse

Getting unbearable. Feeling sick. Started working to afford hormones only to find out the service that is most accessible to me (plume) doesnt offer T in alabama anymore due to changing laws. Fuck all these stupid politicians putting their noses in others lives.

Thought people at work wouldnt make a super huge deal, as I was selective with who I told, so i thought maybe I could hold out a bit longer and at least i wouldnt have to feel so dysphoric all the time, since all my coworkers knew me as Monte. But then instead of my name, people who would usually call anyone else by their name started calling me “Miss” and “maam”

Even the ones I had come out to, and even the ones who told me they were accepting.

Whatever, im from a small rural area, so transphobia is not new to me, what is new to me, however, is being openly trans in an unfamilliar environment. I thought I could start T quickly and maybe people would ever forget that im trans in the first place, but now its been so long.

Some people call me He, and use the right pronouns, but increasingly lately Ive received a myriad of transphobia.

Being called tranny loudly while my coworker kicks my broom as I try to sweep (kicking hard enough for the broom to almost leave my hands and hit another person behind me) , Getting called “it” behind my back. Stuff like this is becoming more common.

The two coworkers who called me it, have been spreading lies about my work performance these past five days, Ive been told my three different people that every time I leave to go do something they start talking badly of me. So I got to my breaking point, at this point it had nothing to do with the pronouns, I was just upset that two forty+ year old adults were purposefully making my job harder to do while I was also struggling with a ton of other stuff (ptsd, seasonal depression, a family members recent suicide) and so I couldnt stop crying.

Despite this situation having nothing to do with me being trans, they are now trying to spread the narrative that Im just being sensitive because they were misgendering me while they were borderline bullying me.

If I was not trans, people would take me seriously on these issues. But now, because I am upset, suddenly Im just a stereotype. A sensitive trans person who is offended because someone used the wrong pronouns a few times.

I will be one to say, I do not give a SHIT about my pronouns. Ive been called the wrong ones my whole life by a majority of people. That was never the issue. But because Im trans, that is the only issue people can perceive for me to have. The ONE issue I had with them regarding my pronouns was them calling me “it” and thats not because its the wrong pronoun, thats because its DEHUMANIZING.

But now I have other coworkers who know NOTHING about the situation saying shit like “well if she claims shes a man maybe she should suck it up” “well if she wants to be seen as a man maybe she shpuld cut her hair”

Fuck you. How about YOU get beaten for 17 years, YOU watch your siblings get beaten near to death for 17 years. YOU have flashbacks of things you dont understand all day every day and we will see how fucking well youre able to “suck it up” you are WEAK. YOU ARE ALL WEAK. And you dont know what its like to be me. My mother tried to kill me. My mother almost killed my sister, I was neglected, never went to a doctor, and I STILL dont know how to take care of myself. And I still havent recovered all of the memories.

Ive had SHORT HAIR ive had LONG HAIR Ive had a MOHAWK, ive had a BUZZCUT ive been BALD. And people STILL fucking saw me as a woman. Im tired of conforming to this bullshit just so people can treat me the same as they always do

Fun fact though, since Ive had long hair Ive been gendered correctly by strangers MORE than I have with ANY OTHER HAIR STYLE.

These stupid fucking transphobes and their stupid fucking stereotypes im so fucking sick of it all. And corporate wont do anything about it, Im sure of this.

Why is it so hard for me to just live my fucking life.

Im so sick of it all

[hayden-christensen-verse]

A Mothers anguish-A father's punishment

Warnings: DDDNE, main character death, allusions to r@pe, child murder, death, suicide, unborn child killed and other possible triggering things

don't like then please don't read

y/n pov

I've been trapped here on this stupid ship for years and it only feels like yesterday that he took me here after he killed my children……..

“Oh my sweet luke and leia….” I sob out into my hands before looking up and out the window and seeing the part of the galaxy where we've stopped at. I remember it so clearly it was 5 years after order 66, with the help of obi wan i was able to birth my twins, luke and leia and help me settle down on tatooine. Obi wan also told me anakin had fallen into the dark side, something i thought impossible of anakin. We also had to pursue him to confront him and only for him to force choke me to unconsciousness and only woke up when the battle between obi wan and anakin's fight was over. Luke and Leia were adorable and looked like Anakin so much and the years flew by and my children were 5 and so full of life and HE came.

Flashback

I was in the kitchen humming an old lullaby only to hear my children scream out in fear. I rushed outside only to find lukes’ neck in the hands of darth vader struggling and leia with a still slightly smoking wound in her chest. 

“M-mama” Luke choked out, his little hand reaching out and eyes pleading for me, only to go limp and lifeless with a sick crunch and let go to fall next to his motionless sister. I scream out in agony and rush forwards, dropping to my knees scrambling to clutch my lifeless children. The last thing i had of anakin, i weep desperately into my childrens bodys’ as vader watches unmoved before im struck in the back of the head, vision going dark.

Flashback over

It's been 18 years since then and ive had one more child with another on the way. I love my new children but still weep for my long lost ones. Atlas my son with vader, he has my deep (e/c) and my (h/c) and there are other qualities that mirror anakins and that's how i found out that vader was anakin but sick and twisted, a shell of a dutiful and loving man i knew. If I was honest I did not want any more kids but Vader cared very little about my opinion and forced me to have atlas and soon another on the way. I had nearly thrown up when I found out, to know he had killed his own children without mercy. As I stare out the huge window still lost in thought to be snapped back to reality to a knock on my door.

“Come in” my tone authoritatively turned my body to the door, the long dress twisting with my body. Incomes a stormtrooper and he bows before speaking and as the words escape his mouth my eyes widen and my fears have come to fruition yet again

“Empress, i'm here to report to you that prince atlas has been killed in battle” and after he finished he bowed again and walked out of vaders’ and my chambers. I stand there frozen in agony and anguish of losing yet another one of my babies. I clutch my growing bump before falling to my knees and let out scream from the back of my throat, one only a mother grieving her child could let out. I fall forwards onto my hands, tears leaving small puddles on the gray steel floors. My mind races with thoughts and worries for the only remaining child I have, the one in my womb and My mind spiraling into a dark place.

“ I won't let him take my last child, not my little  juniper” I whisper out protectively, eyes wide and full of tears still, searching my room for something and I finally spot it. I get up and stumble over it. I reach my hand forwards and wrap my hands around the cold steel handle of the dagger and lift it up to my eyes before turning around and walking to my bedside table to retrieve one last thing. Opening my drawer to the bedside table I fish out anakins and my old wedding rings, his a silver band with my (e/c) as the jewels around the band and mine with a silver band as well with a good size steely blue gem as the centerpiece. I look at them lovingly and smile sadly, I slowly shift my eyes to the new wedding band Vader gave me. It's black and red, it screams sith, I reach up and rip the vile ring off and throw it at the wall. I return to the window and I kneel onto my knees and raise the dagger up to align to my womb before thrusting it into myself and I bite my lip to muffle my scream, I pull the blade out to then thrust it back in again in a different area of my womb. After a couple more thrust the dagger falls from my hand and clatters to the floor. I fall to my side hugging my belly, shedding tears that slide across the bridge of my nose to land on the floor, I bring my clasped hand to look at me and Anakin's wedding rings before placing a final kiss upon his ring and resting my hand against my chest. I slowly feel myself dying from blood loss and whisper out one last thing unknown to me the force carried it to the shell of the man i said it about and go lifeless

“Anakin……i-i love you forever and always my dear sun…”

Vader pov

I stand in my throne room facing the wide window that shows the galaxy as i think of atlas when i hear a faint whisper in my mind

“Anakin……i-i love you forever and always, my beloved sun…”

My eyes widened behind my mask and realized she sounded weak. A chill runs down my spine and a pit of dread forms in my stomach. Worriedly I turned around and pushed myself as fast as I could down the halls of the ship to my chambers, doors sliding open to reveal my wife laying on the ground in a puddle of her own blood, her once white dress now red and clinging to her form. I rushed towards her dropping to my knees beside her to turn her onto her back, seeing the blood had come from her belly. I moved her into my arms and cradled against my chest and began rocking back and forward. My breathing comes out patchy through the vocoder and tears fogging the lenses of my mask. My mind wanders over the last 18 years and everything happening, I realize I was cruel and vile to her and the death of Atlas must have been the tipping point. I have taken her against her will, killed my own children and isolated her from everything. I let out a muffled scream as it all hits at once, I rest my head against her looking into her dull lifeless eyes and bring a hand up to close them. Here i sit and wallow in my regrets and grief

All I have done was for not, I'm alone again and it's all my fault 

[princessangelcake]

dear diary,

i just lied to a doctor at maudsley hospital.

am i crazy?

i told her i binge 3 times a week. she then asked me how many times every 3 months, i said 4. She then said "but you just said you binge 3 a week, so 3 x 4 (weeks) that would be 12 times a month.

i said oh sorry i thought you said… la da la da da.

i tend to do this a lot in therapy. lie. exaggerate. i think i do this because i dont want to be rejected. i dont want to be invalidated again. i crave that doctors approval of "there is something wrong with you and you need to be taken care of" i want to be in the hsopital rotting. im not sure why.

one of my favourite lies has to be "i burn myself with cigarettes" while the cigarette part is true. the burning not so much.

i cant stand fire / heat on my skin. ive cut myself. ive pinched myself, ive banged my head against walls. ive done as much as i can to make myself look like im insane, maybe i am. but all the self harm is deserved. i deserve to feel that pain, deserve to feel stupid. the anatomy of my brain has changed. i no longer feel like myself. i am she. "she was happy" i said when the doctor asked me how my perrsonality was like when i was small.

im sure she knew i was lying. i was not a happy child. i was not. i have internalised everything. i look happy on the outside, which is the facade i want to put up until the 27th of august. when im supposedly meant to be ending my life. i made that up on the spot when i told her. not sure why. but i should be admitted by then. by then i should be able to taste that disgusting hospital food. at least ill be taken care of and loved. liked rather. i like the hospital smell.

the truth is, nobody in this world will ever understand me or my brain. i am too tired to explain i fear. why should anyone be inside of my head?

i told her i tried to hang myself when i was 12, which im sure i did try, yet i cant remember much from my childhood. i feel insane. i feel stupid and pathetic. i dont have any more coping mechanisms.

i told her ive been sexually abused 4 times, which is true, but i only remembered that this morning. before today i forgot all about that. brushed it under the rug "its not a big deal to me" because its not. that's what the woman who raped me 8 years ago told me, like a good girl i shouldn't tell mummy or daddy about this. keep it between us, which i did until this morning, my apologies.

yes my neighbour forced me to lick his dick, yes i was forced onto the bed by my cousin, forcefully fingered and kissed, like a doll that was made to be fucked and abused. that was an uncomfortable experience. of course i consented to it. i was only 11 after all, i had my full consciousnesses. yes me and my sister had continous sexual experiences when i was young, she rubbed pussies with me in the bathroom at night when i was..9, so what? yes oliver tried to have sex with me when i was just a little girl. yes ive experienced a lot of sexual things as a young one.

that doesnt mean i am truamatised, i am not. i am simply just living. stop making it a big deal.

i am sex. sex is who i am. what is wrong with that?

yes i was bullied, verbally degraded, sexually abused, told i was too fat to be attractive to anyone, yes i am all these things. oohhh i am so useless. i am a fuck rag doll to be used and abused. i believe that so strongly.

so, all of these things i mentioned to the doctor, what has any of this got to do with an eating disorder? nothing at all. my mouth just runs and ran during that whole thing.

maybe i shouldn't have lied to the oh so sweet lady doctor, but i needed to. or she wouldn't have taken me seriously. "just another fat fuck of a black girl who thinks she's different. thinks she's sick but she's not".

i would truly end my life there if i was not to be taken seriously.

so, i sit here and await the results of my eating disorder assessment, otherwise known as the string of half-lies i put into the system. i love this country. i am a living breathing object of a lie. everything about me is false. i should not be here. i should not be here at all.

[leighdoesitall]

12/23

It's not easy for me to stick with things. It's not easy for me to do most things. Sometimes, the most basic parts of life seem harder for me to do than that hardest parts of other people's lives. The interesting thing, though, is that when something really big and crazy happens--I'm cool as a cucumber.

My old therapist told me this is a part of CPTSD. Take a combat veteran. They are put in horrifying situations over and over for a good chunk of their early years. When you take them out of it and expect them to go back into civilian life, it's just not going to mesh easily.

I experienced a lot of things from early childhood that no child should have to experience. I know it. I know this well at this point. although it is still hard to admit. My parents drilled it into my head that others have it worse, so I shouldn't linger on the bad in my life.

of course they'd say that. most of my problems stemmed from them being actual insane people.

What a surprise though. I am now also an insane person. Spinning wheel and all that.

It's okay, though. Because you know what I have? A loving husband, 3 cool cats, and the best dog in the universe.

Sunshine, Aldi, DD, Beans

They're amazing.

My life is amazing.

I have a job that I love. I never thought that would be possible. I love my coworkers. I love my life. I do love my life.

Right now, I have decided to write because I'm having a T H I N G. I don't know what's going on. I think it's because of my health anxiety. Since Thursday, I've had a cold. I know it sounds stupid but I rarely get sick so even if it's a small thing, my health anxiety kicks in and just doesn't let up.

The other thing, i wonder, is if it's outstanding effects from going off medications. I went most of my life without medication. Sometimes I wonder if life was better before I went to therapy.

I really don't think so though. Because I was still having depressive episodes. Still having spacing out for long stretches of time after encountering a trigger.

Right now, the problem is my head is really fuzzy. Like completely disconnected from reality. I think I'm experiencing anxiety but I also feel like I'm feeling nothing and I'm confused and my brains are just mush basically. This is not fun. This is not fun at all. I don't like to drink. I don't like smoking weed. Christ I didn't even like the buzz that came from nicotine. I still don't know why I started smoking.

CBT would have me tell myself that yes...my head is very fuzzy to the point that I'm not sure what is happening. BUT I'm writing very clearly right now. I was just playing Skyrim up until about ten minutes ago. This is just a bad day. Bad days happen. I'm sick. I have a head cold. What happens when people get head colds? Surprise Surprise--their heads get a little foggy.

Bad things have happened to me. More good things have happened than bad, though, and I'm very lucky to get to have the amazing things I have in my life. But that's not just it. This didn't 'just happen'. I made this happen. I love my husband. I love my pets. I love my apartment. I love my job. I love all the things in our home. I love my sister. I love my best friend. I love all my internet friends. I fucking love ATEEZ. And I love myself.

I love myself because I care about others. I want to help others. I'm deeply empathetic. I like making other people laugh, and I love laughing. Horror is my favorite genre. I think it has something to do with the CPTSD tbh. Pretty sure it's a way to control the horror. I can just turn it off, if I really want to.

This week is going to be great. It's Christmas after all. This time of year is always hard for me, but that's okay. I'm going to enjoy it with my husband and pets that I love so much. I'll see my best friend who I love more than the world. I'll meet with a few of my online friends. I'll see my husband's family who I love and am thankful for. I'll tell my sister I love her.

Once Im breathing a little better, I'll start going to the gym upstairs. Nothing crazy. Bike, weights, yada yada. I'm gonna do it.

People pay good fucking money to feel as fucking high as I do when I spin out like this. I should ride the wave. It's not a bad thing. My brain does this when it needs a minute.

It really needs a minute.

In the past year I've gone through a shit ton of medications and sold my house and got my first apartment and got a new job and got a promotion and my husband was having a very hard time.

Everything is crazy.

It's okay to need to go a bit fuzzy sometimes.

Last week, I was so happy it almost hurt my face from how much I was smiling.

I think I'll feel that way next week too.

Thank you, Leigh. You're amazing. I love you. You work hard. You're smart and funny and fucking weird and I really really really love you and I'm so happy I get to be me, even if it hurts sometimes. So thank you. I'm excited to be back with the part of me that can see the sun past the clouds.

[guiltriddencorpse]

i will be 17 in 5 days.

and i feel like a loser.

i havent got my licence. i have one friend. (not an exaggeration, i have social anxiety and am generally introverted so i dont really like people but i still get lonely) i am homeschooled but will be doing schooling for a year longer than my peers. i am behind in so many subjects. i feel like im still 12.

its just not fair. nothing is fair.

you dont get to do this to me. you can not leave me. how can you, when i am crying, begging you not to leave me and issuing an ultimatum where i will tell your friend if you dont promise to stay, say "it will break him if he knew." what about me? why are you shielding him, and not me? why. why are you saying that as if i am not breaking. how can you continue to make suicide jokes. continue to say that you wont be around in november. that you wont 'be around then' or 'wont have to worry about that'. they arent funny. not so close and not when there isnt even a punch line. what am i meant to say? do you truly think i am so cold and callous that i could be laughing? the first person to seek me out. the first person to be so patient and kind. the first person to want to help me. thats not something i could even crack a grin about.

you dont get to do that. you dont get to say, "a little girl isnt meant to feel like she should be dead" as if i havent felt the exact same way. as if this topic is completely foreign to me. as if, in the past 2-3 years i wasnt actively then passively suicidal. as if my cousin wasnt very actively trying to die. yet you still look me in the eyes and say that its just gonna happen? you arent even gonna try to pull away?

no. no child should feel that way. but i did. i felt that way. i was verbalising such issues when i was 8-10. should i kms? should i? because that seems to be the solution for your own problem.

how can you continue to 'care' about me but continue to plan your own death? you dont care. you dont love me. you are playing with me at this point. you are stringing me along. this isnt fair.

you prod at my empathy. teasing remarks that do bother me. dont you understand? no one understands. when i try to express my hyperempathy, i am told i am too sensitive, teased for being soft, it drains me. when i do my best to shut that part out, ignore it, im mean, blunt, rude and many more.

dont speak to me with such a condescending tone. do not look down at me. i am sick of being looked down upon. i know i am not better than you, probably not even an equal. but you all make me feel so fucking small. like a pest.

i dont understand. i cant trust anyones words. its infuriating. i tell people to trust my words. i dont do insincerity, and yet they always try to look for a deeper meaning. i try to follow my own advice but fhen it bites me in the ass because now theyre upset at me for not noticing i upset them? i asked if they were mad, they said they were fine. i trusted that, i had already made it abundantly clear that i trust what you say, that i dont push 'no means no' so how fucking stupid can you be to get angry when i dont push? and what am i meant to do? tell them? tell the person i love that sometimes they make me cry? not because of their actions directly, but because i beat myself up over tiny interactions that they probably dont even think about?

everything is too much and not enough.

i have to make plans for my birthday all while knowing shes gonna khs.

i have to see my support workers

i have to be patient for my little brother.

i have to regulate myself

i have to be helpful for my mum.

i have to remember things about other people

i have to read social cues

i have to feel for other people.

i have to. otherwise i feel so awful. i feel like i killed their family, send a photo to the new york times, with the caption 'go fuck yourselves'. i feel like i want to throw up my internal organs and clean them with bleach before putting them back.

but im tired

i am sick of being kind

i am sick of being understanding

i am sick of making ezcuses

i am sick of being empathetic.

i dont want to hurt anyone, but i just dont understand anyone. i end up just panicking.

i cant help you. ok?

im sorry. i just really cant. im not gonna talk you off the metaphorical ledge. i am trying, but when its too late. dont call me, yeah? i dont want that. dont leave me shit, dont write me anything. just let my memory of you fade. i 'wasnt meant to know'? yeah, and how was that gonna work? you think i'm a toddler with no object permanence? that once you died i would just completely forget? 'i wouldve found out eventually' and you say that you know but you wont have to deal with it? that hurt. im fighting everything in me thats telling me to run. to put some distance in place. i suppose i just couldnt give enough. maybe if i were more confident, more dominant, more something, i couldve helped. but i cant. every suggestion is shut down. or the reply is "sometimes its not that simple".

you are content with this end. i dont have the strength the convince you not to go. i said that i could change your mind. thay was a lie. i cant. i cant even try. i dont even lnow why i am still alive. you have a plan, a way of going. and you genuinely sont want to live. nothing i brang up changed your mind.

M. you are going to ruin me. i hope i never get this attached to someone ever again.

[sohcah-toa]

heyheyhey, idk if you do sfw stuff. but if ya do, im here to request some lovely hurt/no comfort childe stuff. maybe a breakup or just like he gets sent off back to szneyaha (how ever tf u spell it).

anyways i hope you're well <33 take care of yourself 💜

-your local depressed childe simp™

No Explanation

⚠️ angst | gn reader

💬 i hope you're doing fine! <3 i'm not sure about what i did! i hope this is what you meant :{

🌊 tip or donate at ko-fi | masterlist

Childe took you out on a date today. He was ultra sweet which was suspicious, but to thank him you decided to do something.

You just got home from the date but you immediately started. You grabbed all the materials you needed. You decided to make a whale origami for him! It would serve as his lucky charm whenever he fights. You were so proud of this idea.

You ended up having no sleep at all, you wanted to give this to him quickly. Who knows when he'll fight?! He needs this whale! It wasn't that easy and you aren't creative, so you ended up wasting a lot of paper.

"I made the perfect one!" You say, looking at all the paper you crumpled up "I just made one and it took me a day" you plop on the bed, whale in hand "I was supposed to make a narwhal but that's impossible for me"

—

Your eyes adjusted as you open them, you look at the time "I was supposed to meet Childe!" and you quickly prepared.

You took the whale before leaving. It was extremely cold, it was raining. You waited for Childe on your usual place. You had a wide smile on your face, holding the small whale that was in your pocket while your other hand holds the umbrella.

He promised yesterday he'd be there but it's been half an hour and he still hasn't arrived. The smile on your face was gone, you became worried about him, what if something happened?

Just when you were about to go see him in his work place, he arrived, running towards you but without his usual cheerful self.

"Did something happen?" You ask him, sharing the umbrella, he was soaked. He tried catching his breath before apologizing to you.

"I-I'm sorry I'm late" He panted, still tired from his run "I have to go"

"But— you just arrived" You tell him "You're soaked, you're gonna get sick, here" you tried giving him your scarf but he pushed your hand away gently.

"I meant— I really gotta go" He said, he frowned, looking at your face, obviously wanting to know how you would react "Let's b-break up" his voiced cracked a little.

But to his surprise, you just laughed "Alright Childe" you roll your eyes playfully "Stop the pranks! Anyway I have to give you—"

"I'm not joking y/n" He held both your shoulders. You can't tell if he was crying or not because of all the water dripping on his face "I love you.. so much. Please take care" he kept kissing and hugging you before finally separating himself, making your clothes wet before running off again.

You were too stunned to even speak or move. You watch his back as he keeps getting further and further away.

When you suddenly get your senses back, a river of tears covered your face but you didn't feel anything at all. The umbrella fell as you sprint, following Childe. Slowly, you start feeling horrible, the energy being sapped away from you but you continued running hoping it wasn't too late since he was much faster than you.

—

"Where have you been Childe?!" Signora scolded him "We're about to leave"

Childe panted, looking behind him, seeing if you would follow but he didn't see you. Another shout from Signora, Childe climbed inside the ship, he kept looking back.

Childe frowned, changing his clothes in his own private room in the ship "It was— for the better .. probably" he sighed. It still hadn't sunk in.

There was a knock "Hey stupid ass, everybody's eating"

"Leave me alone Scaramouche!" Childe said, burying his face in the pillow "Fuck, I made the wrong choice" the pillow muffled the screams he was making.

—

You were crying, running towards their headquarters. Once you arrived, nobody was there, just a bunch of papers. You kneeled down and read some of it "Snezhnaya .. go back? The mission changed? W-What?" you start sobbing and screaming, throwing papers everywhere.

"Um, can I help you?" someone said "If you're looking for the harbingers, they already left"

You turned to face the voice .. a familiar face! You wipe your tears away "Viktor! You're here!"

Viktor shrugged "Oh, it's you .." then sighed "Didn't Childe tell you?" he asked, you shook your head no "Boy, didn't quite expect that"

"Please, help me!" You begged, you were desperate. That can't possibly be the last interaction you both had! You haven't even given him the whale.

Viktor sighed "I'm not some harbinger. The harbingers were on a ship, while we, the others are going much later. I can't possibly smuggle you with me!"

And that just gave you an idea.

—

"Childe" Dottore knocked "Open up"

Childe didn't answer. It was just Dottore anyway. Childe was silently crying on the pillow.

"If you don't open up, I'll kick this door" Signora's voice. This alarmed Childe, he'll get an earful if he doesn't follow. He immediately stood up, wiped his tears and opened the door.

"The hell do you guys need?" Childe asked, even Scaramouche was there.

"You can't act like that in front of the Tsaritsa" Signora said "Reminder to get your shit together"

"Did you get dumped?" Dottore laughed, trying to high five Scaramouche but Scara just rolled his eyes at him, leaving him hanging.

"Just leave me alone. Besides, we don't get there for a few days so it's fine" He sighed and closed the door on their faces. He laid down again, hugging his pillow, pretending it was you "It really is for the better. You'll find someone better than me, better than this"

—

A few weeks later, you were feeling helpless and frustrated. Viktor on the other hand, tries his best to smuggle you in. It was time to leave.

You went inside of the ship with the luggage "Thanks, Viktor" you said, finally getting in.

"You're lucky they're not strict with us" He said "Then, I'll go up now. Remember to never leave here, I'll bring you some food"

You nod, waving bye. You were with all the other luggage in the ship "I wonder what it's like working with Childe" you smile to yourself. You remember the last time you spoke to each other. It brings pain to your chest, like someone's gripping it, wanting to pop it. In no time, you found yourself quietly sobbing, you covered your face "Why— did we have to break up?"

—

"Finally back" Dottore said, going out of the ship. They had to walk because almost everything is frozen.

Everybody was getting out. Childe was still frowning, not his usual self so the others are really weirded out.

"The Tsaritsa wants to see us all, ASAP" Signora said, walking faster then everybody but then she looked back "The others are already there and Childe, remember what I said"

Childe sighed then nodded, sloppily walking on ice.

It was a few hours before they arrived at the Palace. Childe already conditioned himself to be as professional as he can even if takes up all of his energy.

—

Weeks later, you were starting to feel uneasy, questioning about everything. You were lifeless, so much so that Viktor was starting to worry about you.

"We're almost there, no worries" Viktor said, nervous about what to say, he doesn't even know anything about what you're going through.

"Tell me, Viktor, how is it in Snezhnaya?" you asked, eating your food even if you didn't want to.

Viktor pondered for a second and said "Cold, very. The people are quite — well— I have no idea how to explain it. Anyway, before everybody grabs their luggage, you have to leave immediately"

"Yes" you nodded "Thanks for all your help"

At last, you have arrived. The life in your eyes slowly comes back, hurriedly leaving the ship, just like what Viktor told you. He told you to go left so nobody would see you, he was right, it was all ice!

You shivered even though you were wearing layered of clothes already. You slowly walk straight towards the city "C-Childe" you whisper, there was smoke leaving your mouth. It was unbearably cold. You start feeling weak, you rub your hands together for warmth but it does nothing.

You stop for a while and sit down "I never knew it was this cold here" your eyes start feeling heavy and your body refuses to move.

—

You slowly open your eyes, it feels warm, you see an unfamiliar ceiling. You turn to your right and see three people, they were all young "W-Who are you? What's happening? Where am I?" you sit right up.

"Welcome to the Cyclops Club! I'm Anthon, the leader" He looked very familiar for some reason.

"I'm Tonia, please don't get weirded out" She sighed, even she looked familiar.

"Teucer, I'm the one who named the club" He looked at you very intently "You look very familiar" he kept touching your face. Tonia just keeps stopping him.

"Thank you uhm" You look at each one of them "Anthon, Tonia and Teucer?" you then realize "Childe's—?"

"You know big brother?!" Teucer's eyes immediately sparkled "Do you know where he is?"

"Shh Teucer, stop talking" Tonia covered his mouth. You remembered that Childe told you Teucer didn't know about the Fatui.

Tonia and Anthon were looking at you, hoping you would get it so you played along "Oh right, he's making some toys for you guys. Anyway!" you changed the topic immediately "Haven't you seen him yet?"

"Yet?" Anthon asked, him and Tonia exchanged looks, they didn't know?

You look at them and felt bad "I meant to say— anyway, thank you for taking care of me. How did you even manage to carry me?"

"Well, we three were surrounding you but we couldn't carry you" Tonia said, you imagine them doing everything they can to carry you and you laugh to yourself, Tonia continued "Some masked man carried you here, wearing all black? Said his name was Viktor"

You smile and thank Viktor in your mind "Thank you Anthon, Tonia and Teucer"

"You have to answer our questions first!" Anthon said "How did you know big brother?"

"I'm a — friend of his" You hesitate for a second there, they can't possibly know about a partner right?

"A friend! Then do you know his partner by any chance?!" Tonia's eyes light up "I really want to meet them! He told us he would bring them home but he never does"

Your heart ache, a twinge in every part of your body. You felt weak, couldn't move or speak at all. You never knew he told them about you. You feel yourself start crying but you try to hold it together for the kids.

"Yeah, I've waiting for forever! Big brother told us that person was very cool!" Teucer jumped with joy.

"Hmm, I'd like to meet them too. Big brother told us that they like adventures. I'd get along with them pretty well" Anthon said.

As they discussed between themselves, your tears start to fall. You remember every moment you had with Childe up until the last: when he broke up with you and left without explaining anything. If that really was his decision then you'll leave it be but you know that last conversation wasn't what you deserved.

"Are you alright?" Tonia asked, looking for cloth everywhere "Here" she helped you as you wiped your tears.

"Yeah, sorry, just feeling a little tired. Aren't you supposed to be back home?" You know it's selfish but you can't be with them anymore, it just hurts you even more "I have to go too" you put your hand in your pocket and the whale was there "Oh, um, can I ask you for a favor first?"

"Yeah!" Teucer said "Anything for our big brother's friend!"

Friend, huh? You smile "Give this to him, alright? This is your club's mission!" you told them, all of them were eager, you give them the whale. They all got excited.

"Woah! That looks so adorable!" Tonia said

"As the leader, I promise you that this will reach our big brother!" Anthon said

"Waaaah! So cute!" Teucer said, examining it

You pat their heads one by one and give it to Anthon

"I trust you. I'll go now, thank you for all your help" You say before leaving them all behind.

You sigh, walking back to where you came from "He lives in a completely different world than mine. Maybe it is for the better, maybe I didn't really know him .. this side of him at least" you felt the same twinge earlier but this time, you were sure of your decision.

Luckily, the ship was still there, guess they had errands at Snezhnaya too, hitting two birds with one stone by also sending all the other fatui members.

You get inside the luggage place like earlier except it was already empty. You get settled in, it'll be a long time before you go back.

It was silly anyway, going to Snezhnaya, you were lucky those three found you, if it was the officials, you could've been caught with no official papers. You were being too hasty; making decisions left and right.

You grab your chest, gripping it with all you can staring into the vast ice while sobbing "Farewell, Ajax"

—

Childe released another deep sigh before entering his home, preparing to act happy in front of his siblings. He opened the door and said "Surprise!" but no one was home "Great" he sighed once again, plopping on the floor, sobbing "Y/n.. I promised I'll take you here the next time I came home, I'm sorry"

The door hit his shoe as the door opened, he stood up, wiped his face and looked at who it was, it was the three kids "BIG BROTHER!" Tonia and Teucer jumped and hugged him

"Anthon?" Childe asked, Anthon finally hugged him, the whale behind him.

"You're finally here!" Tonia said, letting it slip

"Tonia, shh!" Anthon reminded her causing her to cover her mouth

"We met a person!" Teucer said "At the clubhouse you made for us near the port!"

"I guess they gave hints that you were arriving. Did you come with them? Where were you?" Anthon kept asking a bunch of questions

Childe laughed nervously, he can't tell them that he spent a few days at the palace working "Making toys! A-ha of course, toys. Don't worry, I'll be here for good" he sighed remembering what the Tsaritsa said, that they won't ever leave again, he was still relieved he found an excuse for Teucer "Wait— you met a person?"

"Yeah! Your friend!" Teucer said beaming with joy, it was the first time they met a friend of Childe's "They told us to give you a whale"

Anthon handed it over "Take care of it. I guess that person went all the way here just to give you this? I don't understand" he was confused.

Childe stared at the origami, he took it carefully, staring intently until tears started falling from his eyes "It's Y/n. They were here? I-I— made the wrong .. choice after all" he sniffed, as if talking to himself, he immediately ran outside, leaving the kids, running. The tears in his eyes became small icicles.

—

"You .." Childe said, still running towards the port, he stopped and stared at the ocean, the sound of waves were loud enough to make his sobs seem quiet " .. aren't here anymore"

He panted, trying to catch his breath "I can't believe you .. came here for me" he smiled, wiping his icicle tears "You really are something else .. lucky for you I'am too" he smiled softly, talking to the whale in his hand.

—

You arrive at Liyue with a sigh, feeling weak and hopeless, walking home lifeless even leaving your luggage behind since it doesn't matter. It really was official, you were broken up with Childe. All those years, fun times, those sacrifices you both made were gone just like that.

You finally arrive home, so lifeless that you couldn't even cry. You plop on the floor. You felt needles on your chest, pushing in even further as your tears finally flow down on your face. Unlike what it felt in Snezhnaya, these tears felt warm.

"Childe.." You whisper to yourself "Please, come back"

You spend your days in your home, depressed, waiting for him to knock but nobody ever does. Minutes felt like hours, hours felt like days and days felt like weeks. You had no idea how much time has passed, you don't care anyway.

end

[kazuzuhaha]

She Used To Be Mine

Zhongli x Reader x Childe

Mentions of Zhongli x Ningguang

======

She's imperfect but she tries

“Ehh?? But you said-“ a girl with beautiful ocean deep eyes widen when the merchant glared at her “I said buy the gold fabric not this disgusting green” he said throwing the fabric in the ground “congratulations you just lost your job and now owe me 350k mora” the girl gasp “wait-!!”

She is good but she lies

“Ohh?! Mr. Zhongli- you don’t have too…” the gentleman smiled at her “I know your tired Y/n” the brunette flinched “I- I’m not!!” Zhongli laughs and ruffled her hair “Yes you are” he said as he walks away from the said girl

Gosh mr.zhongli is really making me fall hard huh

She is hard on herself

“Yes yes I’m on it!!” Y/n picked up four boxes of crates “Y/n, your still working??”

She looked up and at the moment hands grabbed the boxes of crates “Wha- Mr.Zhongli wait..” she sigh as Zhongli ignored her “There’s really no stopping you huh” he chuckled and shake his head “I want to help Y/n, you’ve been working since 5AM… its 10PM” Y/n laughed nervously “I didn’t notice… How about you Mr.Zhongli why are you still here??”

“Hmm?? Well…”

What would I do without him…

She is broken and won't ask for help

“Grandma… pls stop working I can handle this” she sigh and she supported her grandma to her room, gently sitting her down “but I don’t want you to suffer honey, find a man and enjoy your youth not spending your time with an old woman like me” Y/n gently grabbed her grandma’s shoulders looking at her with sad eyes “But I chose to take care of you granny, you toke care of me when I was young now its my turn, ok?” her grandma sigh in defeat “at least you some of the money you earn for yourself too”

“Ehh?? But that’s for you medicine” she giggled “don’t worry about me grandma” she then left the room looking back to her grandma and gently closing the door

…I didn’t eat anything today

She is messy but she's kind

“Y/n…” she looked behind her smiling slightly “Mr.zhongli… I haven’t see you in a while” Zhongli looked at her sharply with his amber eyes “amm… Mr. Zhongli??”

“Your not taking care of yourself” he then made her look forward gently brushing her hair with his fingers, her cheeks went red trying to distract herself from the way he was brushing her hair “And pls just call me Zhongli… we have been friends for so long”

“What ever you say then… Zhongli” She slyly replied back

Truly she was really falling her for him…

She is lonely most of the time

Y/n looked at Zhongli and Ningguang as they talked together drinking tea oh so flawlessly, she felt a small pang on her chest… ah yes she was hurt, for what?? For the way the two of them looked like they were meant for each other. Lady Ningguang is part of the Liyue Qixing, how can she compete to someone with such high status and someone so damn beautiful…

She couldn’t even make enough mora to feed herself 3 times a day… Truly she knows she was not enough for someone like Mr. Zhongli, the most respected man in Liyue Harbor for his gentle yet so eye catching aura

“…we have been friends for so long”

Yes… friends, just friends nothing more nothing less. She shouldn’t feel this kind of feeling towards him

She is all of this mixed up

“Y/n right?? I heard so much of you from Mr. Zhongli” the reader turned around and was meet with a dull yet so full pair of blue eyes “you… your childe right?” the ginger laughed “Yep”

For a few seconds, silence filled the room…

“You don’t look ok” Y/n sigh and looked at childe “Do I really look miserable right now?” he chuckled and patted the top of her head “Don’t worry, Im just good at reading people”

Once again silence filled the room…

“You can let it out if you want, I wont tell a soul” the harbinger’s eyes soften as Y/n’s eyes become teary “Theres just so many things happening right now… my grandma’s sickness is becoming worse and this stupid feelings I feel to… forget it”

“Its ok Y/n let it out” he said as he put her in a warm tight embrace

This is…

And baked in a beautiful pie

“CHILDE!!! GET BACK HERE!!” The ginger laughed as he carried tha packages she was suppose to deliver, day by day the two seems to get closer and closer together, they even tell each other secrets no one else knows “CATCH ME IF YOU CAN PRINCESS!!” The female groaned

“DON’T CALL ME THAT YOU DAMN GINGER”

She is gone but she used to be mine

Amber eyes stared at the two, laughing at teasing each other. Yes, he felt jealous, perhaps he really did feel something towards her… the way her eyes shine everytime she smiles, her hair that’s so soft to touch, how hard working she is…

Yes he did love her but it seems its too late…

=======

EHE this took me awhile, also the last parts were kinda rush so im sorry bout that TvT