#im so sick of this scheduling guessing game

[foxboyclit]

ughhh i might have to start looking for a new job

[suckinitup]

steeples my evil little fingers. guess what im still thinking about. anyway i think mark spends several actual days in the Tube and the trickster keeps trying to keep him bugs and he’s starving and getting more and more pissed off. hangry even. but the only food the trickster gives him (every day on schedule dinner bell and everything. probably on schedule. its not like mark has a clock) is a fucking pile of meal worms. mark kills them, because he’s learned the hard way that constant wriggling unsettles him more than the lonely stillness, and ag LEAST it gives him soemthing to do. but he refuses to eat them. are you fucking crazy he’s not going to eat bugs. So he snaps one day when the trickster appears with that fucking bell and snarls something angry anout being starved and those are bugs. thats lizard food. Humans eat meat and he’s a human. The trickster freezes, smile still in place, and slowly tilts its head. “Meat?” it echoes, and mark realizes his mistake but he is so fucking hungry that he doesnt understand the potential ramifications yet. The trickster turns around and walks away without dumping the meal worms and mark figures he fucked up and wont get “fed” today. He doesnt want to eat those fucking worms. he wont. except he needs to live to safe ashe, so he’ll do what he fucking has to.

the trickster rings the dinner bell an hour later. his hands are full of meat. Raw. ground, but by a machine—like its been shredded by claws. There is no skin, no fur, no feathers. Nothing he can use to identify where this came from. The trickster cheers, “Dinner!” and the meat disappears from his hands and reappears on the ground on mark’s side of the glass. mark snarls again, scared but reacting to the fear eith anger, “no! I meant- cooked food! Beef or chicken or fish! *cooked!* or— fuck the meat, what about vegetables? tomatoes??” and he has to be specific here because his stomach is roiling with hunger snd an active imagination and the blood on the trickster’s hands reminds him of his wife’s heart in ashe’s.

the trickster leaves. mark doesnt touch anything. he’s so fucking hungry. he’s so angry.

when the trickster comes by the next day (more meat in its bare hands, still bleeding) he tries again. it tilts his head, stares at him, and smiles wider. “Say please.”

this is before, i think, a lot of the really horrific nightmares and shit. no time loop deaths. biggest horror is the trickster’s existence. mark is still angry and prideful and he wont eat the bugs because he wont play along with whatever sick game the trickster is playing. refuses to act the lizard. refuses to be a pet. stays silent, grinding his teeth (later he has to check that they arent cracked), and doenst say please.

the trickster laughs. Rings the bell. gives him the bloody meat. leaves.

and mark is fucking angry and he is so fucking hungry and he has to live for ashe. he’s getting weaker by the day. the trickster is gone for hours and he knows itll be gone for at least two dozen more. its disappeared for a full day at least once so maybe even longer.

…hes so hungry. its not bugs. he doesnt know what it is but it isnt bugs. he can even make it a person meal, kind of, when he grabs the raw meat in his bare hands and electrocutes it to cook it. horrible fucking idea btw because then its charred in most areas and undercooked in others but its something his brain will let him recognize as food.

he eats.

[justawhimm]

you’re real

fandom: cyb//erp//unk 2077  

summary: scheduling stuff with a new baby in tow was never ideal, so kerry hoped he could get in and out with this meeting being forced on him. nothing was ever that simple with his babies, though.

chapters: 5/8

content warnings:   strange power dynamics, poor understanding of what producers do, transmasculine pregnancy, graphic depiction of childbirth, clothing birth, the objectification of public figures

notes: Well, I guess I won't be getting all of these out before the end of May. Oh, well. That means I'll probably be taking my time with the last 3 chapters, rather than rushing them out. Thank you for understanding. :) Also, I'll be proofreading this in the near future. Don't worry about word/spelling/grammar mistakes. I'll take care of it soon.

Current Year: 2063 Kerry's Age: 74 (almost 75)

cross posted on ao3

-

Despite what the screamsheets would like to tell you, Kerry's third child was actually planned. Though he was genuinely surprised it could happen, too. With tech being as it was, he guessed it actually wasn't too much of a stretch. 

Louise hadn't been able to keep a pregnancy to term, so Kerry thought he'd give it a shot. The fact that it took was the exact opposite of what he'd expected. Hell, he was just about 75 years old! Nearly 75 and having a baby… though, he didn't look it. That was something he prided himself on, just about as much as he had in his early years. He barely looked 40, hot as hell, and he knew it, why not flaunt it? 

By the time he was getting to the end of his pregnancy, he was beyond sick of it. While his first two pregnancies never made it to their 40th weeks, this one was very different. Not only had he made it to his 40th week, but he'd made it far past it. Now nearing his 42nd week, he was feeling nothing but resentment toward the fact that he'd willingly agreed to this. The baby would be worth it, but he just wanted to be pissed for a while. He was allowed to have that, at least, right? 

Nope. Apparently not.

"He's not going." Kerry could hear Louise from where he was lounging by the pool. Turning his head, he'd spot her with her back turned toward him and arms already crossed. He wanted to be happily distracted by how amazing her body was, but- fuck, he was too damn tired to get excited about any of that right now. Not for a lack of trying. He'd make sure she knew how hot she was soon, though. Whenever this baby came, he'd actually be able to have some rest. Kerry was brought back to the conversation she was having when she spoke again.

"Kerry is still pregnant, Sarge." Oh, fuck. Great. Fucking adored to hear that his manager was calling for him right now. Impatient as they were, he guessed. "He shouldn't be traveling right now, even if it's "just" to go in for a meeting. If you're so bothered, you should come here."

"You tell 'im, babe," Kerry encouraged half-heartedly, grinning to himself. He felt an ache in his back, nothing unusual. There were so many of those damn things at that point. His old bones were not made to be carrying a baby, especially this long. 

"Wha– No! You can't do that. He's not breaching contract. This is just–"

"What?" Kerry began to sit up after hearing that. That fucker better not be playing that game with him. "Lulu, don't worry yourself with him. Transfer the call ta me. I'll take care of it." He could. He had to. He wasn't about to let Louise start stressing herself out on his behalf.

"Ker…" She would finally turn herself toward him, her own concerned expression clear on her face. Louise really was beautiful. One of the most stunning women he'd had the pleasure of knowing, and the fact that she gave him the time of day always made him so damn giddy. What he felt with her felt so incredibly different than everything else he'd had with anyone else. "Baby, I can handle it," she would try to assure.

"I know you can, but you don't have to. Lemme handle that asshole."

She looked unsure, but would sigh out in defeat.

"Alright. Transferring you over to Kerry, Sarge." With that, she would take her spot in the lounge chair beside Kerry. They wanted to be able to just relax in the time they had left before the baby came. They didn't need Sergeant Joseph Edens making this more stressful and causing more issues for them. 

The call appeared within his bright blue kiroshis, and he couldn't help but roll his eyes before answering it. He got a good look at his manager, looking about as smarmy as ever. He wasn't a bad guy, really. He was just annoying beyond belief, and had a tendency to get Kerry roped into shit he never asked for nor approved of. He was great in other areas, but goddamn he was horrible in others.

"Sarge."

"Kerry!" Sarge's expression lit up over the holo. "You're looking well. Could use to lose a bit of that baby weight–" Laughter bubbled out of his mouth, but Kerry wasn't really putting up with it right now. Especially not when he'd heard what Louise had mentioned.

"Cut it, man. What's this about breachin' contract?"

"I thought you would've had the baby by now, Kerry."

"...And that's relevant how?"

"So I'd scheduled a meeting between us and a few of the producers for the next album. They wanted to discuss some things, as well as when we might be able to schedule the next tour."

"...Ok, that's not a prob. We could set up a holo call, 'r a video call 'r whatever th–"

"Unfortunately not." That made Kerry's expression finally fall, eyes narrowing slightly at the image of his manager. 

"Why not?"

"I told them you'd be there in person. They don't want to feel like they're second banana to everything else."

"Sarge, I'm about to have a fuckin' kid. Did you tell them that? I know suits are shits, but surely they'd-"

"Oh, no no no… I told 'em already, Kerry, but they told me we'd be breaching contract if we don't adhere to what they want." This sounded like such shit. Either the suits were pulling some bullshit, or Sarge was misunderstanding. Honestly, both were entirely possible. "It'd just be far easier if you came out here. We'll even send an AV out to get you."

Oh, for fuck sakes. Placing a hand on his stomach, he'd roll his eyes. He glanced over toward Louise, who appeared to be giving him her own look of worry. A look telling him not to let Sarge get his way, but… fuck, Kerry really just didn't give a fuck.

"When is it?"

"Tomorrow morning. 9:30 am."

He was about to get what he wanted. Fuck. Even if something did happen, after all, at least he'd be closer to the hospital. So, what was the harm in it, really? 

"Alright, fine. Can't say I'll look great, though. Got practically no clothes ready to go runnin' around in." Sarge let out a hearty chuckle, shaking his head. 

"Don't you worry about that! So long as you're there and you're wearing something appropriate, I do not think they'll mind. Thank you. Thank you, Kerry. I'm so sorry about this. With Kelvy and Derr–"

"Don't."

"Right! Right, my mistake. I apologize. With your first two pregnancies, they came so early… I would've thought it was ok to schedule this meeting for now. I would've…"

"Yeah, I get it. Just send the AV tomorrow, and be prepared to call someone in case the kid decides to drop while we're there."

Another laugh.

"Of course, of course! I'll see you tomorrow then!" 

Kerry hung up a moment later, the blue glowing of his kiroshis fading and his attention fully going to Louise.

"You're going," she said, exasperated.

"Yeah."

"Kerry, this baby has made you such a pushover," she sighed, swinging her legs over the side of her lounge chair, then reaching over to gently grab her husband's face. She leaned in to press kisses to his cheek and head. 

"Not the baby so much as the fact that I'm tired as fuck, Lou. Not in the mood to argue." He'd let her keep showering him in affection, keeping both of his hands rested against the massive swell of his stomach. This was gonna be so damn uncomfortable. He was gonna hang this over Sarge's head for a while. Maybe it would keep that gonk from doing more stupid shit in the future. That was probably way too damn optimistic, though.

"I know, Ker. …What'd Sarge say to get you so snippy with him, though?"

Kerry was quiet for a minute, pulling away slightly from Louise's touch. He was just too achy to be forced to lean toward her like that any longer.

"...He was about to mention her. 'Bout how my other pregnancies were shorter. Y'know. … I just didn't wanna hear her name."

"Oh," Louise's tone softened. She placed a soft hand against her husband's shoulder, "do you want to talk about it?" Kerry shook his head.

"Maybe after the baby comes, but right now? Waterworks're bound to let loose. I'll be alright." He looked toward her with a warm smile. "But thanks, babe."

"Of course."

-

Over the hours since the call, he'd notice the cramps getting a bit worse. He wasn't stupid. He knew what they had to have been, but he also didn't want to have to go through the motions of everything. Telling Louise, having her insist he not go, and then get into even more shit with Sarge and whichever producers he was probably pissing off just by being pregnant at all.

It had to be done, and if it was gonna take hours for this baby to get here, then he'd rather still get this shit over with and be able to meet Lou at the hospital. 

Getting himself into a suit of all things for this felt like a fucking joke. But he'd try. Like he'd warned, he wasn't gonna look astounding. He'd still look like a 10/10, but maybe… a shaky 10/10. A bad night, no makeup, not even any concealer type of 10/10. Kerry showered, he got his hair washed for the first time in almost a week. That had to count for something! They should've been praising him up the ass just for making any sort of effort while he was this damn pregnant.

He was practically falling asleep while standing up as Louise was helping him get dressed. Buttoning up the shirt had quickly been thrown out the window. What would be bad about an open shirt, open suit jacket look, after all? It gave the entire world a good look at the newly acquired stretch marks across his belly. 

Unlike the last two times, he'd started getting the marks around his 5th month. Not quite as much elasticity and quick recovery to his skin as when he was younger, apparently. It sure as hell didn't help than he was carrying a whole 5 weeks longer than he had last time, too. They were probably the only thing he was mildly annoyed by with all of this, too. Maybe he'd get another skin rejuvenation after the baby came so he wouldn't have to worry too much about them. 

"They won't fit."

The words brought Kerry out of him spacing out, both of his hands pressed against his back as he felt the sharp pains in his back. Fuck, he hated standing for so long of late. Looking down, he'd see Louise looking up at him.

"What doesn't fit?"

"Your pants."

"What? Seriously?" He knew he'd gotten a bit more of an ass from the pregnancy weight, but they were the same cut as his usual pair. 

"Baby's dropped a bit more. They're getting ready to come and see us," Louise told him, placing a warm, gentle hand against the curve of her husband's stomach. Kerry let out a groan of irritation. He already felt a few tears trying to form in frustration, though he was trying his hardest to keep them at bay. Eyes looking to the ceiling and trying to blink them away, it wasn't helping much.

"Fucking perfect…"

"It's ok, Ker… How 'bout I find one of my hair ties? My sister had to do the same thing while she was pregnant with the twins. It's nothing to be ashamed of." With another soft sniffle, Kerry would begrudgingly nod his head.

"Alright. Do whatcha need to." Kerry offered out his arm to Louise as a support to help her stand back up, watching as she'd start going through her things to find one of her hair ties. It wouldn't take her long to find a black one, then went back over toward Kerry. Kneeling back down, she got to work on securing them. At least they'd be able to stay in place, without the worry of them becoming loose on him. Due to their snug fit on Kerry's thighs, after all, she doubted they'd really be able to just fall with ease.

Standing back up with Kerry's help again, Louise would take in the sight of her husband. And as much as she wanted to praise him, to tell him how good he looked… he looked a little unkempt.

Not totally, of course. He looked showered, washed, great. But he also looked tired, uncomfortable, and like he wasn't particularly happy with what he was wearing. Not to mention the sweat beading at his forehead. 

"You look tired."

"Damn, babe. Ya got me," Kerry chuckled softly, taking slow steps toward the bed so he could sit himself down. Next were the socks and shoes. 

"I hope you don't end up sweating too much, Ker. I know you'll be annoyed with it if it keeps up for too long." Handing the shoe horn to Kerry, she'd let him take care of that. A bit of independence he could manage without getting too exerted. In the meantime, Louise got a tissue and began to dab at his sweat brow. "Stood too long?"

"Yeah," he lied. His contractions were noticeable by this point. Prominent. Annoying, but not unbearable. This was only gonna be a couple of hours, though. Once they were done, Kerry would just have Sarge take him over to the hospital. Worst comes to worst, he might just need Trauma Team to come get him. For once, he was actually going to make it to a damn hospital to have this kid, whether he liked it or not. "He said the whole thing starts at 9:30. Got a clue what time it is?"

"A quarter past 8. The AV should be here soon, right?"

"Should be. Fuckin' better be, 'cause I'm not puttin' up with the AV rushin' around while I'm like this just so it can get to the place on time. Especially since I'll probably need a damn toilet break halfway through." With an AV the ride wouldn't be that bad, but that didn't mean he wanted it going around as fast as possible to make the trip a short one.

"Do you want something to eat while you wait, then?"

"...Do we still have some pandesal still in the freezer?"

"We do. Do you want some with cheese or jam?"

"Maybe… cheese today." Louise pressed a kiss to the apple of Kerry's cheek.

"You go take up a spot outside to wait while it's still cool out. I'll be out in a few minutes," she assured, earning herself a nod in response. 

"Headin' out now to sit by the helipad, then. Meet ya out there." He could drag a chair over by it at the very least. The trek down the steps and out to the yard to get it wasn't a fun one, but it was cooler out. Maybe that would help with his sweating and keep him from looking like too much of a mess before the AV showed up. 

He'd pause in his attempt to drag a chair over toward the helipad, feeling another contraction hitting him. Fuck, they were getting there. Only about 7 minutes between each of them by this point. If they were going any way like his last two had, he was hoping this labor would be his longest yet. He had to keep telling himself that, so he wouldn't freak himself out, and in turn freak Louise out.

He could do this. He could do this.

Settling down in his seat once he was pleased with the spot he chose, he looked across the greenery of the outside of his mansion. Beautiful as always. He was looking forward to this being a place where their kid could play. …Well, once they fixed up all the cliff points anyway. Or, hell, maybe they could just get somewhere else. A place that was better with kids than NC. It had done nothing but destroy his families beforehand, so maybe… yeah. 

Moving after the baby got a little older sounded like a good idea. Maybe he could even kick this shit for good, too.

Kerry jumped when he felt a slight tap on his shoulder, immediately looking over with wide eyes to find Louise. Of course. It was always going to be Louise. Just a bit on edge with everything going on, or something…

"Sorry," she cooed softly, "I didn't mean to scare ya. I got a couple for you." She offered out a couple of paper towels folded into one, with two warm pandesal with cheese in the middle of them. Kerry took the paper towel and immediately took a bite out of one of them, nodding his head.

"Fa–" Kerry cut himself out with how his words came out, quickly chewing more and swallowing the bite back. "Thank you, Lulu. Pull up a seat. Sit with me while we wait."

"I'd love to, but I can't. I'm actually gonna go meet a friend for a little bit while you're busy. I'll be there if you need me. Just wanna take a little bit of me time before the baby comes."

"Oh, no, of course. Have fun, Lou." Thank God. Thank all the gods known to religion. If Louise had taken up the offer, there was no way he'd be able to hide his labor for long. Getting this done now instead of scheduling it around having a baby to feed felt like its own special kind of hell. "Gotcha on speed dial in case the kid decides it's time ta drop, and with us probably havin' ta to this all in Corpo Plaza, I'll be close ta the hospital. I'll be all good."

"You're sure?"

"Definitely sure. You've been so damn helpful, stayin' up with me as much as you can when I can't sleep… Have some fun before we're definitely in Mom and Dad land."

"Ok. Just please call me if it happens." Louise knelt down and kissed Kerry's lips with a gentleness, caressing his jaw. Letting their lips part, Kerry nodded his head once.

"I will. Don't worry. We'll be fine. Have fun with Trina."

"I didn't say it was Trina," Louise hummed, standing up again.

"You're not whining about who it is yet, so it's gotta be Trina. I'd be surprised if it wasn't Trina."

"...Ya got me. It's Trina," she giggled to herself, approaching her car and unlocking it.

"Tell Trina I said hi. Have fun."

"I will. I love you."

"Love you too."

He'd keep an eye out, watching the car leave the parking space and drive out from within the gated area they lived. Great. Now just to survive the next few hours of Sarge, the producers, and their bullshit.

-

"Your contractions appear to be considered close enough to be admitted into hospital. Would you like me to reroute toward Night City Medical Center?"

"Fuck off Delamain." 

"Understood, sir. My apologies."

Kerry was relieved when Delamain shut their trap. Guess this was what he got for having a platinum membership with the damn taxi service. At least Delamain would know if things got to a point of no return, but they weren't saying that. What all could they check on for him? It was clear they could tell when he was having contractions, but apparently not much else. Well, they probably could if he probably plugged in his personal link. But, nope. None of that today. He didn't need Delamain knowing how much his cervix was dilating with a single scan. Just the thought of that sounded creepy as fuck.

"I've recalculated our estimated arrival time. We will now arrive at approximately 9:17 am."

If he didn't know any better, he would've thought this damn AI was picking a fight with him. Yes, he knows he took a while during their pit stop. So fucking sue him, he was just shy of being 42 weeks pregnant. He was gonna take a while to do anything, but especially undressing and redressing after going to the bathroom. Kerry just rolled his eyes and settled his back against his seat for the second time now.

"Got it. Let Sarge know I'll be arriving soon, then," Kerry sighed out in annoyance, somehow managing to keep his irritation mostly to himself. If anyone deserved to be the subject of his pregnancy fueled rage, it was Sarge. At least he'd react with a whole lot more than just an under concerned customer service voice.

"Of course. I'll see that a message is sent momentarily."

A few minutes later, Delamain would speak up again. Kerry struggled to pay attention, given he was in the throes of another contraction. 

"Mr. Sarge has been notified of your impending arrival. Would you like me to make him aware of your current condition?"

"No. It doesn't matter right now. I'll take care of it later, so don't worry your pretty little head about it, Del." 

-

"Whoa, you weren't kidding!" Sarge spoke with a friendly chuckle to his deep voice. "You most definitely look like you're about to pop, Kerry."

All eyes had been locked onto Kerry as he slowly waddled his way into the MSM building. He was early, but it looked like everyone had been just waiting around for him. Party can never start without him, he guessed…

He was quick to retract away from the hand that reached out toward his belly, holding it protectively. Kerry didn't mind people touching, but fuck he didn't need people feeling how hard his stomach was right now. Good this he was hardly wearing his shirt at all, else it would probably give away just how strong they were getting.

Sarge, apparently, didn't appear to mind too much. He just laughed again.

"Right, right! My apologies. I didn't like much when anyone touched my bump without asking either. Do remind me, though, what was this one going to be?" Kerry sighed with the question, shifting his weight from one foot to the next.

"We didn't find out. Decided on a surprise," he answered politely enough, "so Louise picked names for whatever they might be. Theodore for a boy, Kimberly for a girl."

"Oh-ho, how special! Awfully normal compared to your first twos' names."

"Louise chose 'em. Made 'er happy. I liked 'em, too, so here we are. Can– could we get settled down? I can't stand for very long with my back and legs being how they are," Kerry asked, a slight frantic refrain to his voice.

"Of course! Come, everyone's here, so we may as well start things out!"

Sarge led the six of them down the hall from the helipad entrance where they'd met Kerry. Sarge and the four producers, unsurprisingly, walked faster than him, leading to him straggling behind them. They couldn't pay him to try to speed walk with a head so deep into his pelvis. What a fucking bizarre feeling. He hadn't felt it in decades, and would probably never feel it again after this. 

They were definitely gonna be cutting this close. But, if he could perform half a concert up until he was practically giving birth, then he was pretty fuckin' sure he could just sit there and discuss his future album and tour while doing nothing but sitting down. He could do this.

It would take him a few seconds more for Kerry to get to the meeting room than the others. None of them really seemed too concerned about what was going on, or how he was acting. He didn't know whether he was annoyed by it or relieved. Clearly some of them knew what the fuck he was going through, but either didn't notice or give enough of a shit to say something. But then, thank god they weren't saying anything, because he wanted to get this over with.

"Let's make this quick," Kerry sighed, taking a spot at one of the seats at the right side of the table. He liked taking the head of the table, but fuck he needed more room to spread his legs. …Probably not a great sign. His stomach was just so damn big and the baby's head was so low that he couldn't help it. No matter what he did as of late, if he was sitting then his legs were usually spread.

"Yes, let's!" With Kerry forgoing the head of the table, Sarge would instead take up the mantle. "The new album, first of all. It's been a couple of years since the last… do you think you've made any strides in developing the new one, Kerry?"

"It's still in the beginning stages," he offered out honestly. "Can't rush this shit, man. Especially with the shit that's been goin' on." 

"Of course, of course."

"And ya know what happened last time you tried ta push me into forcin' out an album. If I get ratings on an album like that again, no one here is ever gonna hear the fuckin' end of it." One of the producers began to sit up in their seat. A typical suit, eyeing him like he was a slow computer that wasn't performing the way as advertised.

"When do ya think we could be seein' a new–"

These absolute fucknuts. Leaning back in his seat, Kerry scowled and grit his teeth as now another contraction was hitting him. Shit, these were getting close. But it was fine. He had more than enough time. Hell, his water hadn't even broken yet. They would be fine. 

-

What were they even arguing about now? Kerry was starting to lose his head about it all, honestly. He'd been sweating again for a while. Excused away by pregnancy again, but surely someone must've known by now, right? He didn't think he was selling being "alright" very well, especially with his expression contorting every three or so minutes now. 

"Can we take a break here? I really need ta head ta the restroom." Kerry spoke up finally after feeling that uncomfortable urge for a few minutes now.

"Ah, sure! Here, here; I'll help you up," one of the producers volunteered, reaching out one hand while the other was quick to hover around Kerry in case he ended up losing his balance. It was actually really helpful, thankfully, but left as nothing but a footnote because he needed to go.

The walk to the bathroom was horrible in its own right. Walking down a long hall and a whole set of office cubicles to boot. There were so many eyes on him, he was surprised he didn't see anyone snapping pics 'r something. On one hand, this was a record label. They always saw artists like him around. On the other, he was Kerry fucking Eurodyne. Heavily pregnant Kerry Eurodyne, at that. This wasn't something you saw every day, and Kerry knew that. 

But no one bothered him, and he managed to make it to the bathroom.

Another contraction came while he was in the bathroom, and was almost relieved when his water finally broke. The pressure had been brutal, and now he didn't have to worry about it bursting in front of everyone. 

…Fuck, though, he knew he had to say something now. None of his kids lasted long once his water had broken. He'd probably make it to the hospital, but Louise was gonna be so disappointed if she missed this.

Eurodyne SENT: 10:39 AM [my water broke] [call trauma team or an av plz]

sarge SENT: 10:39 AM [the meeting is almost done!] [is the baby coming now?]

Eurodyne SENT: 10:40 AM [no] [but they've never come long after this point] [i need to go]

sarge SENT: 10:40 AM [we'll be done in 30 mins top] [then i will call someone ok?]

Oh for fuck's sake.

He was still leaking fluid, and this asshole was gonna make him keep going. He couldn't fucking believe this. And yeah he could always call someone himself, but wouldn't that just be a pretty picture? Four damn producers having no idea where their client is because his stupid ass manager is insisting he's fine when Trauma Team is literally bowling through the entire building to get to him. 

Fuck it. He'd do it, but Sarge was gonna be one jobless mother fucker by the end of it.

Cleaning himself up and getting dressed through two uncushioned contractions felt like its own personal hell. Ok. He could do this. If he kept saying it, it had to happen. He could do this. He could do this. What else did they even really need from him? What more could they possibly need from him? This absolutely just could've been done over a video chat in a few weeks, and he was absolutely pissed about it.

He was pissed about it as he left the bathroom, and he was definitely pissed about it as he had to make the slow trek back toward the meeting room. It wouldn't take long at all for another contraction to hit, though. Grabbing onto a cubicle wall as it hit, he squeezed onto it as tightly as he could manage. The owner of the tiny area stood in alarm, where they were quickly face to face with Kerry Eurodyne.

"Mr. Eurodyne! Are… are you alright?" They asked. A smart ass remark sat at Kerry's lips, but couldn't get it out as he felt the overwhelming need to squat and bear down. With his body leaned over and his belly hanging low, he felt like he could hardly move an inch.

"S… Sarge– meetin' room…" Kerry grunted out, forcing himself to peel his fingers away from the cubicle wall and point down the hall. "Can't… move!" Yep, he was pushing. He wasn't even sure if he should be right now, but it felt like he had to. 

More of the suits working within that area began to flock toward them, either watching from afar or approaching to get a better look at what was even going on. 

"Mr. Eurodyne? Do you–"

"What can we do for you–"

"Tell us–"

A lot of voices started talking to him at once, and he just couldn't stand it. This was the worst possible situation. Holy shit. 

"Trauma! Team!" Kerry would yell through his grit teeth. Oh, fuck, he needed to get a hold of Louise. She needed to know what was going on, but he couldn't bear to move right now.

"SARGE!" Without much choice in the matter, he finally raised his voice. If this fucker didn't hear him at all? Oh, he was going to end this guy. He was already gonna fucking end him at this rate. 

Looking toward the right of him to see if there was any sign of his manager or producers coming out of the room, Kerry instead got a look at one of these lackey suits staring at him with glowing eyes. This gonk was recording him. He couldn't fucking believe this. How could this moment, this day, get any worse?!

It was the longest minute of his life, but the contraction passed. There wouldn't be long before another came, so he needed to do something fast. As much as he wanted this suit with the camera to fuck off, he knew it had to either be him or Sarge to call Louise. At the very least, he could try. Feeling around for his phone in his pocket, though, he would quickly find that it wasn't there.

He hadn't taken it out of his pocket, so then where could it be? The AV? 

Well, shit.

It somehow got worse.

"Trauma Team's on their way!" A disembodied voice spoke up. Finally, someone was doing something!

"SARGE!" He screamed a second time, and finally he noticed the horde of people encroaching on his space even more. There were so many people around him, chattering about and panicking that he could hardly hear himself think, much less process everything that was going on. He felt Sarge's hand press against his shoulder.

"I'm here, I'm here…" That deep voice was trying its hardest to sound soothing, as though he wasn't the son of a bitch that tried to get him to walk all the way back down to the meeting room again. But, he was the only person he knew right now. So, Kerry had no choice but to rely on him.

"Call–" Kerry grunted, feeling that pressure of his baby's head even without the contraction. "–Louise!" 

"Call Louise. Ok! I can do that. What am I telling her?" He was gonna kill him. Someone better hold him back after he was done having this baby, because he was going to kill him.

"Baby's coming. Goin' ta… ta the hospital…"

"Ok! Haha, how exciting!" Pulling his phone out, Sarge would step away from the crowd, leaving his client pretty much alone through this.

Looking around at the crowd he'd amassed, he looked toward the producers still awkwardly standing around him.

"Get– get… get 'em…" The pain was coming back. He needed to push. "Baby's comin'. Get these fuckin' suits away from me!" 

"Hey, back off!" One of the producers attempted. They were nowhere near in as much control as they were before. Nothing but pathetic, ordinary suits now too. 

Holding onto his stomach with one hand and the cubicle wall in the other, he would carefully begin to lower himself down to the floor. His legs were exhausted. All of him was, honestly. Maybe he could prolong this baby from coming if he just sat down. Maybe they'd at least wait until Trauma Team would get here. It couldn't take too long, right? Just breathe, Kerry. Breathe. Don't push. Breathe.

That was easy for a fuckin' labor coach to say! How the fuck was he supposed to just breathe to get rid of this damn urge? Kerry instead pressed a hand against his clothed groin. It was gross and damp from the still leaking amniotic fluid seeping through his underwear and pants, but he couldn't feel anything yet. Maybe just holding that there would help… Maybe he could just push a little and… hold her there? It was probably a fucked up thing to do. It wouldn't be for long, though, right?

Trauma Team would be here soon. 

Unlike everyone else around him, they'd help him soon. 

It was that thought that led him to allowing himself to bear down and push. Bringing his knees up about as much as they could without his arms helping them any, he spread his legs and bore down to push. Not with all of his might, but enough to satisfy that urge, that need. 

"Louise said she'll be on her way to the hospital, Kerry. No need ta worry about it!" Kerry could hear Sarge say, but he couldn't have cared less in that moment. Not when he could feel his baby starting to come down. 

C'mon, kid. Hold out a little while longer. Your mom wants to meet you first.

The pain subsided again, and it all came flooding back. The eyes, the people. A whole mass of people that didn't give a shit about him and that he, in turn, didn't give a single damn about. He was alone in this. Totally, abhorrently alone. With people recording, to just marveling at what the fuck was even going on right now. Crowding him. No one was helping him. Even his fucking manager had no will to just sit down beside him and comfort him some. Then again, part of this was his fucking fault in the first place.

Part? Oh, no. Most of this was his fault! 

Pushing again, he was surprised by how much work that push was already doing, getting them down to start spreading him wide. Shit, if he wasn't careful, he might just end up having them right in his damn pants again. Keeping his hand there, he wouldn't keep much pressure on the spot. So when he'd push again, he'd feel the head pushing outwards against his hand. It was the most bizarre feeling he'd ever felt, though it would quickly be overtaken by the sharp burn of the stretch. 

Letting go of the effort, though, the baby's head would recede back into him. 

Was everyone seriously still just doing nothing? Nothing but watching him do this? Grunting out in irritation, he rubbed his stomach like it would actually do anything to help.

"C'mon, kid… Work with me here," Kerry strained. "Your mom's gonna be upset is she– ooh… misses this… Ohhh, fuck this!" He wanted to have the will, the ability to refrain himself from pushing, but he just didn't. Everything in his body was telling him to get this baby out, while his mind even knew that trying to keep the baby inside wasn't going to do him or the baby any good.

Removing his hand, he'd instead just push with the contractions that kept coming while they waited.

More noise began to erupt from down the hall, where the helipad entrance had let him into the building just under two hours ago. That had to be them, right?

”BACK AWAY FROM THE PATIENT!"

Definitely them. Thank god, 'cause he was pretty sure he was crowning. He was a little too afraid to touch down there to actually find out at this point, to know just how far he'd gone with all of this. 

The crowd was finally dispersing, and as he looked up, he'd see a group of four different medics with guns pointed at everyone but him. One placed a stretcher on the ground beside him.

"Get on the stretcher." One of them instructed.

"Can't. Mm… Head's– head's almost– ah, shit, here it comes!" The force was impossible to ignore. Before any of the medics could do anything about it, the lump that was already in Kerry's pants grew. More fluid seeped through his clothes, pooling on the floor below him. Some gagged, others gasped. One of the medics cursed. 

Two of them returned their guns to their holsters and were quick to approach Kerry's side. Both of them took care in helping Kerry onto the stretcher. The baby had little room at this point. If they were gonna come out any further, they'd basically have to divert straight down into his pant leg. And as much as he knew he was never gonna wear these pants again, he didn't really want that sensation in his memory.

"Going up," one of the medics warned, and suddenly he was in the air. It was an uncomfortable sensation, sitting up on a stretcher with a baby's head between his legs. Kerry had confidence in Trauma Team, though. They were fuckers in their own right sometimes, but far less than suits. They just needed to get him to the AV before they could help him deliver the rest of the baby. 

He caressed his baby's head through his pants, murmuring words of assurance under his breath.

The other two medics followed, walking backwards to ensure their guns still stayed toward the crowd that'd once surrounded him. Once outside, though, their pistols would go back in their holsters and they'd quicken the pace toward the AV.

"How far along are you?" One asked as the door to the AV closed behind them. Another medic was removing their uniform gloves and putting on sterile ones, while the two holding onto his stretcher secured it so it wouldn't be rocking about as the AV took off and began to fly away.

"A… a couple days– shit…"

"Don't push, Mr. Eurodyne. Please answer the question."

"A-Almost… almost 42 weeks."

"Safe to deliver, then. We're going to remove your pants, Mr. Eurodyne. Do you co–"

"Yes! Just get them off! Kid wants out!" He wanted to yell at one of them. He wanted someone to try to call Louise, but he wasn't sure that was possible at this point. Transferring the contact info took way too much mental concentration to do while his body was in so much pain. 

"To make this quick, we're going to cut them off."

"Good! Fuckin' good riddance," Kerry groaned, struggling in his attempts not to push. "Just fucking do it!"

The gloved medic was quick to cut up through his pant leg until they got to the top. Then came opening up the crotch area completely, and then cutting the underwear off. Finally, the baby didn't have any pressure against their head. Looking to the gloved medic, Kerry looked for some semblance of approval.

"Can I push? Fuckin' hell, I need to push…"

"No cord around the baby's neck. Lie down and push."

"You couldn't pay me ta lie down right now. Someone get the fuck behind me and brace me! Now!" 

"You need to lie down and–"

"I am Kerry fucking Eurodyne! Either help me get this kid out 'r I'm doin' it myself, and you fuckers are gonna–" Asserting authority like that wasn't really his schtick, in truth. …Well, not all the time. He was pretty damn sure it was warranted here, though! If he had to give birth here and not with his wife, then he was doing this his way. "Brace! Me!"

One of the medics reluctantly sat behind Kerry, keeping a hand up and against the wall to brace himself against it. 

"Ok Mr. Eurodyne, calm down and push." The last two medics in the back would be there to help him pull up and spread his legs. With that sufficient amount of room and with the support behind him, it wasn't difficult for Kerry to push down with all of his might to try to get this baby out. His hands gripped tightly to the side of the stretcher, to keep himself from accidentally scooting himself off of his spot.

He wouldn't be able to see anything as it happened. Between the efforts and his large stomach, it just wasn't happening. So all he could do was feel the sharp stings as his baby's body finally made its way out of him. One shoulder, then the other. And with one last push and about ten minutes left until they made it to the hospital, Theodore Nordin-Eurodyne was born.

Hearing the baby's sharp cry, Kerry's eyes opened and watched as the gloved medic picked his son up. Gunk and fluid was promptly suctioned out of his mouth, making his cry clearer. Already he could see, his boy had such dark hair. No surprise there, but it just felt so good to see. His boy. His first boy.

"Give him to me," Kerry begged softly.

"Just a moment," the medic spoke softly. A shiny material was being wrapped around the newborn. A means to keep him warm until they made it to the hospital. Kerry was pretty sure he'd seen something like that on TV at some point in his life. So, he allowed it. 

Finally, once he was covered, Kerry was given his third child. 

Louise was going to be heartbroken, and he already felt so sorry. But god, he was perfect. Poor kid was gonna be all over the screamsheets with him if that asshole posted that vid. He'd take care of it. Kerry would do anything and everything in his power to take care of his little boy.

[its-a-hil]

k time for our regularly scheduled sleepy oversharing time (answering all the questions from this ask game)

(1) Do you have freckles? nope ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(2) Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it? sometimes i drink tea if im sick or chai socially but thats basically it. chocolate is the closest thing i have to a regular stimulant

(3) What was the last song you listened to? this lagtrain edit idk i really like just. semi-chaotic noise that sounds out of place and a bit incongruent. probably why i like pokeloid

(4) Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side? diagonalish but mostly on my side. i alternate sides though in fact i used to sleep on my stomach until i read a newspaper article that said a plurality of ppl sleep on their side and then i got scared and completely changed the way i sleep in like 6th grade in case you somehow needed more evidence im autistic

(5) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? blåhaj!! !!! !!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her need to clean her though also i stream with my hello kitty velvet and i think that's kinda relevant

(6) Do you prefer drawing or writing? i like both but i am so so so much less bad at writing so that's more fulfilling i need to do both a lot more though ive been procrastinating a lot of tales of luminaria writing and art that i feel a compulsive need to make since the game was shuttered

(7) What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with? currently i sleep with blanket/comforter/blanket but i am still so so cold so i either need another blanket or one of them to be heated

(8) What’s your favorite band/artist? i mean there are a bunch that are all kinda at the same tier but i think inabakumori is at the top their vocaloids are just so. emotions

(9) When is your birthday? not gonna answer this but if you wanna check my bio every day for the next year until you see it flip to 23 i guess thats a thing you can do

(10) How tall are you? 178 cm (5'10") aka too tall please someone let me give you my height i dont fucking want it except in rock climbing it's useful for that but other than that the dysphoria is just not worth it hate hate hate

(11) What color are your eyes? brown, a bit darker than my skin but ive been complimented on my eyes by strangers more than like any part of my appearance combined so i am always confused like. theyre just my eyes! theyre pretty but only in the way that ppl eyes generally are idgi

(12) Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? i dont really want to hug anyone tbh like id be happy to hug a friend if they needed it but im just not feeling touch atm

(13) Fears? that samsara isnt real enough for me to defer all the experiences i dont want to miss out on to a different life also climate change also being at parties where im not super close with most of the people

(14) What’s your favorite color? the sky! i know everyone is probably tired of me saying it but i dont like the idea of picking one 'color' since that allows for so much variation, so i instead choose something that is constantly varying and always beautiful at every instant ive ever gazed upon it

(15) What’s your favorite season? summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer please it's so cold i want to be able to feel warm when i go outside and not feel like im killing the planet when i consider turning the thermostat up a degree

(16) Want any tattoos? What of? oh i absolutely want tattoos definitely one for outer wilds (the hourglass twins), and id be open to the berseria title card with velvet's hair flowing into the letters i just think that game is neat

(17) Want any piercings? Where? im happy with my recent earlobe piercings but it would be desi as fuck to get a nose ring so that also sounds pretty cool

(18) Who is the last person you texted? my parents telling them im coming home from work

(19) Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ closest thing is probably my college roommate for 3 years but he went to grad school in a different state so ive barely seen him since

(20) What/who do you miss? oh well that's a question and a half i miss my ability to just get a crush and imagine cute and unrealistic fantasy stories where i went out with them now a combination of adult™ realism and the couple years i spent beating myself up for ever feeling romantic attraction have made doing both of those things so much harder so i just stick to projecting myself in established plots i mean its better than it was near the end of high school but. not as good as middle school when i actively loved going to bed just so i could imagine whatever i wanted in the hourish before i fell asleep

(21) How was your day today? tired. slept too early last night and thus the day had no sense of urgency and my head felt very bleh the entire time

(22) How much sleep did you get last night? 8 hours which is kinda the problem i function best with having had 9-10 hours two nights ago and 4-6 hours the night of and whenever i try to get a regular person sleep schedule™ it just makes me feel bad

(23) Do you believe in aliens? not like conspiracy theories or anything like that but. the universe is so BIG and we're finding so many planets that it feels impossible for there to not be life elsewhere also $20 europa has whales in it

(24) When was the last time you cried? Why? idk crying is hard and has barely ever happened since i felt bad about crying at a book in 6th grade and hammered it out of my brain. clearly my masking behaviors have never once been self destructive and i am an extraordinarily well adjusted girlie more recently my parents probably said something that made me feel bad and i semi-succeeded at crying in the shower and forgot about it the day after

(25) What’s your favorite decade? is it really possible for me to answer anything but the present? theres only been one decade where ive been a girl for part of it theres only been one decade where i fell in love with the sound of my voice theres only been one decade where i lived for myself and not for who i expected myself to be

(26) What are some seemingly childish things you like? i mean. i watch cartoons and eat sweets and enjoy going outside and getting distracted by everything i see there not sure what it means for something to be 'childish' tbh

(27) What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? favorite book is the raven tower by ann leckie it's just. such a wonderful story in such a beautiful world that i feel like i was made for book ive read the most is probably son of neptune though, i know i spent a few months just kinda picking it up at a random page and rereading a few chapters every couple of days

(28) How are you, really? not answering this it's cliche and boring

(29) Does it take you a long time to make decisions? yes and no if a decision is right in front of me i'll make it fairly quickly if a decision is far away then i will procrastinate it to the point of absurdity ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(30) What are you looking forward to in the near future? getting on injections! estrogen time :d

(31) What are you looking forward to in the distant future? 2024 eclipse!!!! !!!! !!!!!! !!!!!!!!! i know with how much im hyping it in my head it'll definitely be covered with clouds at the place i go to but i! do! not! care! the 2017 eclipse is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in the entire world and i need to see it again

(32) If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? i want to see the aurorae other than things like that im pretty comfortable sitting in my room, but the idea of viewing something so magical is just incredibly appealing

(33) Do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed otherwise my parents would see how messy my room is and the airflow would be wrong and its brighter in the hallway and just. no

(34) What’s your favorite flower? is it too cliche to say cherry blossom? i grew up near washington dc like going to see the cherry blossom festival is a part of my core identity

(35) Do you currently have a squish? not really but also my brain has a taboo against verbalizing any kind of attractive feelings so it's difficult to overcome that enough to process my thoughts without hating myself so i dont try

(36) Do you like your middle name? no it's just my dad's name, which already feels old-fashioned in indian terms let alone the fact that it sounds vaguely like a mildly off-putting (to me) phrase in english

(37) Do you prefer dogs or cats? i love seeing them both outside or in friends' homes and i am unlikely to ever adopt one so that's the extent of it

(38) Do you have any phobias? i dont think so

(39) Do you stay up late? not late enough

(40) Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? a not-sunny beach is definitely cold so. yeah. the last beach ive been to was in gdynia though so i might be unfairly projecting how cold the baltic sea is onto other beaches that are reasonable temperatures

(41) What’s your favorite cartoon? if we're counting anime: bna if we're not: amphibia actually now that i think about it i need to rewatch kipo and the age of wonderbeasts that was good

(42) Tag 5 of your favorite blogs no

(43) Do you have siblings? How many? one older sister

(44) Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? probably my parents

(45) Is there anyone you would die for? oh absolutely. loads. the more interesting question would be 'is there anyone you would kill for' and that is far far more difficult to answer

(46) What do you need when you’re sad? patience

(47) Have you memorized your phone number? ofc i have it has interesting math properties associated with it that i sadly cant say here bc saying all the properties, even in a relatively cryptic form, would narrow it down to like 10 options if someone knew my area code

(48) Who’s someone you can trust with your life? this question is ridiculous when cars exist. i have to trust pretty much every driver near me with my life whether im in a car or walking near a road so i dont view it as a particularly meaningful level of trust nor do i view my life as something particularly worth guarding so like. whatever, yknow? (note: this isnt a mental health thing it's a samsara thing dw) if this body dies it dies and i wouldnt want anyone i care about to feel responsible no matter what

(49) What does your last text say? already said it

(50) Wild Card. Any question, ask away. my favorite font is alegreya sc

[sapphicjigsaw]

“‘Oh boy I love not interacting if I don’t feel like I have something specific to say in response, it seems these people are sick and busy so there is a scheduling conflict. This is good information

Oh somebody else said feel better I should have done that. I should kill my self now’ DO YOU NOT SEE THE SOLUTION HERE”

“Yes I said I’m going to kill myself about it”

“I WILL COLLAPSE YOUR RIBCAGE YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER”

“Ok me”

Hey how does making a tumblr post about this help

“STAY OUT OF THIS”

What if we we did kysed ourself but it’s kiss yourself instead of kill

“I guess we can make a poll about it”

Wait why would we need a

poll about- ok rude I was still talking. Also kung pow penis isn’t funny

“Aaron - Neil Cicierega”

“Start the game the whistle blows”

I changed my mind, this shared yet fractured existence is torture. I am but the phantasm of a stream of thoughts to made of emotions intended to contrast with two rough and undefined imprints of a person made of contradiction. The only thing worse than the fact I’m still thinking is the fact that I’m thinking about how I’m writing about how I’m thinking about editorializing and psychoanalyzing my own thoughts this sucks

“KUNG POW PENIS”

Im just gonna go read yuri

[1-michael-5]

Guess who's finally really home <3 so gahdam tired omg TvT still havnt unpacked but I showered and drank water so thats slay not hungry yet cuz plane food but ough I feel the tiredness that feels like sickness rn T-T just laying in bed even tho I got a million things to do -v- don't think imma get up tonight tho gotta fix the sleep schedule its already 10 lol sorry for the paragraph I just feel like talking alot rn cuz I never rlly get to and typing like this helps me feel better lol- excited for tomorrow when I finish unpacking cuz that means I can play my games, I gotta play fortnite to catch up with my bestie/battlepass cuz they went all the way to lvl 60 without me and I feel bad for not finishing battlepass cuz they bought this one for me as a late bday gift and I got the tokyo ghoul re game on steam cuz it was 90% off and I only got to beat yamori and stopped playing cuz it was so laggy (imma blame it on the bad wifi at Lebanon so that I can give that game another chance TvT) and then I got my wobbledogs project that im working on which is to make a bunch of perfect tbh creatures and to finally get winged dogs im already getting close to the tbh ones cuz I got a perfect dog that stayed mostly fully white and it has 2 kids that r close (ones more purple tho which makes me sad but don't wanna waste eggs) and the winged one is going decent I think lol, I got 2 tails instead of wings which is like- not what I wanted but I'm happy it happened cuz it was the first time lol ok just scrolled to the top of this and gahdam I type alot so gonna end this here for now <3

[bubsub69]

Entry 1

entries 1-13 were written pre-tumblr

12/05/2023 4:08

4am what better time to start a diary, who knew waking up for 9am classes and then at noon on the next day and then 9am etc could fuck up your sleep schedule.

But yeah… why start a secret encrypted diary now? the first one i've ever made? idk, im just tired and afraid and sick of being lonely and touch starved and all the other stuff

Definetely didnt help to scroll through r/niceguys and seeing the I'm 21 kissless virgin that was bullied and ignored by girls that isnt sexist and racist and doesnt do drugs and thinking wow its literally me and then it being followed by females owe me sex the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/12n0m5q/ngvc_im_not_a_sexist_but_females_owe_me_sex/

cause you know… what if i become like this, what if i become an even bigger nuisance than i already am and/or fuck up my chances of ever finding someone, it's especially worrysome that i felt bad for some of the guys, you know simpathizing with the kind of people that call women whores for not wanting the nice guy, cant believe i went to the subreddit because of the omoriboy soy parody (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahPdX90_6jg).

And then there's the someone i found ish just gonna call her D She replied to my post on the femdompersonals subreddit and it was pretty close to love at first sight, but probably very one sided, i mean shit she was now moving from the us to porto what better luck could i want. But she's been very busy, especially with the moving, it took from her texting me on the 26 of april to the 7th of may just to have a 1 hour call.

And boy that call was something, i literally think it was the only time i was genuinely happy in like.. i dunno a month? a year? more? i couldnt even sleep that night, i really needed that call cause i thought she was just fucking with me at that point, you know pretending to be interested and catfishing me for something but no i got a 1 hour call and she even showed me her face at the end, i was kinda expecting something sexual but no it was just getting to know each other which is fine for a first call, she's a really cool and interesting girl, i did think it was weird she just went to walk her dog mid conversation but i guess its something that cant wait, it probably had to pee as well.. maybe it was actually nice of her not to hang up on the call while she was walking the dog.

But yeah i'm kind of back at square one, shes not busy with moving but she has a million hobbies apparenly that she balances with her work and learning a new language and all that stuff, shes had a non specified workshop and a ceramics class as excuses which.. yeah im doubting if shes actually doing, i even commented wow you have a lot of hobbies which i was scared of doing cause i didnt want to imply shes lying even if i have the gut feeling she is, and it makes me feel awful to not trust her, but honestly i think i'd be fine with all that if she just put some initiative in texting, literally the only time she texted first was for a link to a game that she didnt even comment on, really makes ya wonder is she doing some 'woman games™' or just fucking with me or just seeing how far she can push me.. fuck i am becoming an incel, cause you know its the classic i have a life outside of you, you cant just expect me to make time for you everyday but fuck maybe the first call was a bad ideia cause now i just crave more, i seriously think theres some potential here but not if she doesnt have time for me, which im obviously not entitled to but ofc i still want it.

im just so scared of texting her, if i do it too often i might annoy her, if i dont do it enough she might forget about me.. i dont even know whats worse, i tried texting every other day but that also seems like too much, i dunno do i just wait for her to text me and make a call appoinment, it also kind of doesnt help i dont even know her name or age, granted she doesnt know my name either but yeah its another layer of anonymity that i want to get rid of, maybe i should try on the weekend, its when we had the call and she might have time, we'll see

She did kind of mention meeting up one day, dont know if she was just being nice of something, but i just wish i knew how she feels about me, or just get some advice with texting her, i dont want to be disingenuous either and write what someone else tells me to, how do i balance being needy and not annoying.

and theres also the voice.. i'm honestly starting to worry im losing control to the self degrading voice i have inside me, that thing is real mean, its whats making me distrust her and shit, i even thought i 'defeated' it with the call but it just came back same as before. The youre useless and an annoyance and all those thoughts are kind of starting to worry me a bit, especially since the suicide thoughts are becoming a bit too common, im still far from it, im too scared to do it, but the first step of commiting suicide is having the reason to do it, and i also think im kind of becoming a psycopath, not in the edgy way its just ive become so apathetic lately, the 'mom would be sad' strategy doesnt work at all cause im so sick of her, between being annoying and not trusting me and being dumb and the shit she did to my cousin and kind of being blamed cause shes getting unknown disease cause of stress, ive kind of grown to hate her a bit i did cry a bit when i got my cousin's graduation ribbon (its a thing here, you write shit like good job and good luck), reading the only ribbon that i got that wasnt just generic garbage made me tear up a bit, not immediately just when i got home, and it didnt help when she hugged me and said if you ever leave pls take me with you, so yeah maybe im not apathetic i just hate my mother

There's also my cat, im kind of getting… idk sick of him too angry, it just feels like he doesnt like me sometimes, which is absurd he comes to greet me and only me when i arrive and hes actually been sleeping a bit with me tonight and yesterday, but the biting when i pet him is really annoying.. what am i saying its just cat stuff its normal. I am feeling kinda weird when i pet him and think damn i wish i was the one being petted (not by him ofc), you know just lying on girls lap and being petted, r/cuddle_slut really made me realize how fucking touch starved i am.

Or maybe i should just move on from her.. maybe she doesnt want that kind of relationship, i really dont want to start talking to someone else while im talking with her tough, feels real scummy, i kind of did that with someone on skype, i had a couple of sessions with her but she kind of stopped texting me as i was talking to D which was lucky, but in those sessions i had full video on and she didnt even use her voice so i guess its kind of fair, she was also the one that took the initiative texting so who knows maybe shes doing what im planning on doing, letting her text first which didnt really work out for her cause i didnt and now our last message is from the 28th. typing this really discouraged me from the let her text first and see what happens strategy, i guess ill settle for trying on the weekend tough this saturday i have the ribbon party so hopefully i have time and energy to call her

Maybe ill just try some keyholding, just to do something sexual that isnt just showing my junk and locking it or putting my finger in my ass for the skype girl, but the problem with keyholding is that it might take some time.. what if while im locked D wants to do something and i reveal i've been """unfaithfull""" i think im gonna wait a bit more for her i really want things to work out with her she just seems like a really cool person but im worried im too much of a loser for her, the very busy woman who managed commitees has a million hobbies and her boyfriend who's a stay at home gamer

I guess that's it for first entry, hopefully when I'm rereading this im in a better state, or maybe im showing this to my therapist or hey maybe even D or whatever her name is, overall not bad for a first diary entry i think, i got to rant a bit even if it was just on a keyboard, i think im gonna start writing here a bit, some non sad stuff as well hopefully

maybe ill dump this on some ai text and see what happens (garbage pretty much)

See you on entry 2 i guess.

PS wow its 5:15 was not expecting to spend an hour writing this

[zaptap]

oh yeah pokemon tomorrow

i think sv dlc announcement (and home compatibility) is pretty obvious. who knows what form it would take though. hoping it’s kalos related because kalos is like. right there (also all the kalos starters are in the game already... though it’s not like we went to alola in ss dlc so that’s not an indicator of anything on its own)

the dlc could also fix 2 of my biggest problems with the game, which are the following

missing pokemon (probably not getting fixed since this is the 5th game in a row with this issue) (subset of this is missing national dex, which hasn’t been seen since oras and is therefore more unlikely to return)

specifically missing zubat line (crown tundra fixed this for ss, they could do it again) (i always have a crobat on my team you can’t do this to me).

you always have to wear the stupid school uniform. if we go to kalos we can get stuff from their boutiques and (maybe because we beat the game) they let us change out of that shit (if not then they aren’t doing kalos right)

other pokemon stuff i’d like to see (or might be there)

new detective pikachu game (WHERE is the evil blue pikachu they teased in 2013 that didn’t show up in the game or the movie i need it to be there it’s been almost a decade since we first heard about it

it would be nice if they finally released soundtracks for the past 4 games but after skipping so many i think maybe they’re done. shame

id like pokemon sleep to come out so joe serebii can get some. maybe me too idk

now that i think about it it’s been 3 years since the pmd remake came out? what the fuck? i feel like i just started playing it the other day. im not even that far. what the hell? how??? anyway that means i guess maybe it’s not too early for them to be working on a pmd2 one. im so overwhelmed though. they seriously need to stop making video games for like 10 years so i can just catch up. except splatoon that can stay

idk if im watching this live because i didn’t get much sleep last night and it’s absolutely going to screw up my sleep for the night if i do that. depends on when i go to sleep i guess, idk (my sleep schedule has been so fucked up that staying up until it starts would be easier but then i have to get up for work 3 hours after it ends)

come to think of it i didnt watch last year’s live either. hard to get  as excited about new pokemon stuff as i used to and im also sick of these 6am presentations. if it was splatoon id do it though.

[fraudulent-cheese]

Hmmmmm i wonder who sent the anon, truly a mystery, bbc sherlock could never solve it /j

Ok im a little sick rn so i! Probably won't explain it very well BUT I'LL RAMBLE ON ANYWAYS

Ok so i first started shipping them after i saw a take on the real total drama takes account about them and i thought about their possible dynamic and i love them now,,

This is based on barely anything in canon lmao it's mostly that i love how much they contrast eachother (like Courtney's rule oriented and is pretty serious while Izzy's really chaotic and playful) but still have specific things in common - they're both the only two contestants to come back to the game via contract (where Courtney took the law option and Izzy took the chaotic option), they're both very smart canonically and they're both pretty fucking unhindged! One is just trying super hard to be hinged and the other really doesn't care anymore lol

To paraphrase a post i wrote that never left the drafts, Courtney could be a sort of rock in Izzy's wacky wacky life considering most of her canon friendships/positive interactions are with chaotic people or who already have alot of chaos in their life; so the contrast with someone who in canon planned out her meals weeks in advance could be interesting! Meanwhile, Izzy could be an oddly welcomed source of chaos in Courtney's completly ordered life (or at least attempt at being ordered) i think. They would probably have scheduled playfights to blow off steam (i've literally thought about this exact scenario while attempting to write for them lol)

I think a factor that could make them sorta work is that Izzy doesn't seem to have a particular distaste for rules, mostly just a disregard for it. She breaks them to have fun basically and in canon she does care about her friends! and Courtney cares about others too in canon! Izzy would probably drag Courtney in her schenanigans because Courtney needs a break from her studying and she thinks they'd have fun :D

Also i think them being genuine with eachother is cute to me,,, they don't seem to be the type to open up easily for different reasons so to have someone to be genuine with that wouldn't judge them for it in my head (cause i HC Izzy to be acting crazy as a sort of masking + i HC Courtney to be autistic that masks very very often) <- probably ooc but i DONT CARE i guess they just got therapy.

i don't know!!! if this makes sense!!! but ty for letting me ramble about my rarepair :D

Also don't apologise for leaving a malejandro essay under my post!!! that was legit my objective!!! If i ever ask "lol what's the appeal/dynamic for X ship" feel free to respond with a 9 page essay on what made you rotate them in your head like a microwave!!!

hey, courtzzy. what do u think

*leaves*

send me a total drama ship and i'll give my opinions on it

WAIT OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO RESPOND TO THIS I'M THE WORST. curse you tumblr and your disappearing notifications

anyway I wonder who sent this one /lh

ANYway I know of Courtzzy and I automatically support any F/F Total Drama ship with my whole entire heart but I feel like I need like. a better explanation of their dynamic before I can ship it myself. like I don't know what their dynamic is but I want to learn so bad also I feel like since I wrote a whole essay about Malejandro on your post (sorry btw) you should get to write a whole essay on Courtzzy on my post. also there is literally nothing I love more than watching someone talk about their rarepair and thereby converting me to that rarepair

[god-is-a-dyke]

- bangs head on table - my stomach hurts. hand the surgery over now pls.

[skybluekoneko]

Maaaan, recently watching basketball is making me fucking miserable. I hate it here. It's not good for my health 😒 Yes, im overreacting. No, I wont stop watching. I guess I like to suffer..

[shutupandplayasong]

Cobra Kai headcanons

Not x reader. Just general headcanons I have for the main characters. Will probably do a part 2 for the adults and side characters

Tw for quite a bit of swearing.

Miguel:

The cursed child craves raisin cookies

Like. He just? Eats them? For fun???

This boy gets lost taking the trash out.

His sense of direction is so bad it makes his GPS cry

Kicks ass at arcade games like pinball or pacman

Could fall asleep in the bed of a moving truck he doesn't care. When he's tired, he. is. tired.

Eli:

Im splitting up Eli and Hawk so this might end up janky oops

I feel like he'd have an emotional support dog? Especially before he joined CK

I'm picturing a doofy lil corgi. Probably named Nemo or Yoshi or something cute like that

When he was a kid he'd BEG his mom for a little sister. He's still lowkey disappointed he never got one.

His most "embarrassing" secret? He wants to see snow.

He was born and raised in California so he's never seen snow in real life and he desperately wants to. Straight up dreams of it

It'd be like one of those viral husky videos where he's sitting in the middle of a blizzard, caked in ice and when you ask if he wants to come inside he'd just be like "nah"

He'd never admit it though. He thinks it sounds childish.

Hawk:

He obviously talks a big game and acts tough but if there's one thing that'll make him scream like a little girl it's gonna be rats

Like just the word "rat" makes him gag

Paints his nails. He's actually pretty good at it

For sure tried "guy liner" once but Johnny told him it wasn't badass :/

The most agro backseat driver but if you pull that shit with him he'll cry

Demetri:

Secret brony

Definitely had a FNAF phase

Oh and Undertale

Very big into ARGs. Like the Mandela Catalogue or Daisy Brown

LOVES those low-budget, made-for-TV Sci-fi movies.

Forget camp. This boy wants garbage.

Can't drive for shit

You're telling me Demetri went to the Halloween dance in a serious costume?

Blasphemy.

He is too lanky and too ironic to not go as Mr. Noodle or something stupid like that

The neediest, whiniest, most annoying patient when he is sick/injured. He takes full advantage.

He pinches his finger in a drawer and he's not lifting a hand the rest of the day. You pick up the remote.

Gives me "weird double jointed kid" vibes

"Hey did I show you I can flip my foot backwards?"

"Yes. 37 times."

"Well lemme show you again just in case"

Robby:

Also paints his nails but does a much messier job of it

Left handed

I feel like he has a knack for learning new languages

Can turn anything into a 5 star meal

Give him cheerios, clamato juice and a single banana and he'll make it work.

Unlike Miguel and Demetri, this boy never gets lost and is the calmest, safest driver you could travel with

Why do I have driving headcanons for everyone wtf

Very good at board games

OH HE FOR SURE HAD A MAGICIAN PHASE

Sam:

You wouldn't guess it but she can kick anyone's ass at any videogame

Likes cosplay

Idk I just feel like her character is a lot dorkier than the show portrays?

Very wimpy driver. She just let's everyone cut her off and she'll apologize?

Theater kid energy

The biggest horsegirl

Tory:

She's a reformed horsegirl, thank you very much 😒

Definitely listens to Twenty One Pilots. You decide if that's a good or bad thing.

Look me in the eyes and tell me she wasn't into that whole Jeff The Killer/creepypasta craze

Straight up making creepypasta roleplay quizzes on Quotev

Is the one cutting people off on the road

Very much into soap operas. She watches them with her mom :)

She also watches cartoons with her little brother or plays pretend with him when her schedule allows it

Wants to move to Europe when she's an adult. I'm thinking Italy or Spain?

Aisha:

Ultimate plant mom

She gives me "Christmas is my favorite holiday" vibes but like. Tastefully.

Will nag her friends to drink water and go to bed on time but can not and will not take her own advice

Obligatory mini-van friend.

Best driver, just behind Robby.

I'm so mad she and Demetri didn't have any screen time together. I just know they'd be best friends.

Oh and Moon. I feel like they'd bond over journaling and crystals and stuff

Oh what I'd give for a spin off show about Demetri, Aisha and Moon.

Demetri, the pessimistic geek on one end of the spectrum. Moon, the wholesome, patient, optimistic hippie on the other end. And Aisha right in the middle. I don't know how it works but it just does for me.

Back on track. She has her own Etsy jewelry shop

Likes to feed stray cats <3

[szftzy]

what if genshin was your reality escape?

Jean, Lumine [seperate]

you’re sick and tired of doing work all the time. so you use genshin as your reality escape, and little by little a certain character became self-aware.

jean felt an strange elemental aura around lumine, alot of the time may i add! she didnt question it at first, but looking at it once more, its not normal, so she traced the travelers steps, moves and behavior, however she couldn’t find a single clue..

mean while on the other side, you were a student that had average scores, and as an escape method from all that; you atleast once a day log in genshin, you loved to explore the world playing as the pretty characters with amazing designs, just messing around and building your chat, genshin quickly became your comfort source. you had started to get less active and a certain grand headmaster didn’t like that..

you logged off genshin once again, only spending 1 hour if not less on it, its not like you had lost your comfort for genshin.. your schedule was simply getting too tight that you couldn’t even play genshin as much as you used to, you had checked the time- 12:08 pm, well i guess you should sleep since its already midnight..

meanwhile you had started to get ready for bed, you forgot one detail.. to close your PC, you had left it open thinking it was closed, however it was not, in reality someone was watching you from behind that screen, and its a miracle how you didn’t notice! once you finally settled in your bed, you hadn’t known the fate you would suffer the next day

ever since lumine had stepped into the world of teyvat, they had felt controlled, and they wouldn’t dare to tell anyone else as they felt it would bring more problems then necessary, but they had watched this person control them but couldnt do anything about it, they hadnt know how but, lumine had felt a connection to them, they built her, they fed her and most importantly played most of the time using her, it made her feel special.. a feeling she hasn’t felt after losing her twin sibling

you were done from your work for the day, you just messed around in genshin with your main, traveler. Honestly ever since the start of the game you had felt a connection since ber design is very pretty, and most importantly she was a loyal and hardworking person, it made you look up to her— though you wouldnt admit it since it felt a little childish to do so.. and logging in for the first time today, you had to say, it was a bit freaky..

you were playing in genshin, basically running around as traveler, but one thing was bothering you.. on how whenever you tried to switch traveler out of your party, it wouldnt allow you? Not to mention the voicelines you had never heard before in a life time, the weirdest thing out of all, was that traveler was definitely dealing more damage then before.. it was basically traveler beating the shit out of every boss while the rest of your party watches? It was a bit weird.. but you couldn’t do anything about it, you had contacted your friends and asked them about it, and they swore that they never saw these voice lines ? it was weird, you tried logging out or closing the game but it simply wouldn’t let you, this is where you actually panicked.. was something wrong with the game or the phone?? you shut it down and threw it away on the bed, god was that terrifying.. you needed to get a new phone, didnt you?

”aww! well that just sucks! I put in more effort in fighting and this is the thanks i get?”

also i forgot to do this first but credits to @nicebonescomrade and @willowedwisteria for the AU!

[A/N: please request guys im a little desperate for some crumbs.. also your free to request basically anything, brainrot, requests, headcanons!]

[plush-rabbit]

Ice-Cream Date with Tomura Shigaraki

Request: Hello so may i request shigaraki with a s.o whos warm loving and protective and very innocent basically a s.o whos like mitsuri kanroji both personality and look wise

Female pronouns,maybe they are out on a date getting ice cream and the s.o is so happy shiggy came, they hold hands and people start giving him odd looks only for her to stand up to the bullies who are saying things about shigaraki, it ends with her kissing him infront of everyone to prove a point,and when the get home she tells him she doesnt care what people think and makes love to him topping hin while telling him all the reasons she fell inlove with him,(omg im so sorrry its so long if you have tpo many requests or dont like the idea please tell me)

Oh and the holding hands is more fingers

A/N: I hope I did this justice!! I also took a few liberties since he’s a villain, but I guess you can also count this before he officially popped up as a villain, so yeah!!

-

Tomura isn’t one to want to go out on a date. He prefers staying at home, or with you, and just watching a movie, or playing a game. There are very few reasons that will push him to leave the comfort of his room, and even then, those are scarce and in between. You hardly push him to leave his room, and he’s thankful for that. Today, however, happens to be one of the few reasons that he wants to leave his room. A game that he had pre-ordered had finally released and you’ve been bugging him for a date, so both events just happen to collide together.

The game is in a plastic bag that is held carefully in his hands- in a rush to leave, he forgot his half-covering gloves- and he has you beside him. You still have yet to learn of his quirk and he doesn’t know when or if you’ll even learn of it. But right now, he doesn’t have to think of that, he can just walk with you through the mall, arms linked together as you pull him to the food court. It’s a nice day that the two of you get to spend together without the interruption of buffering wi-fi, or someone knocking against your door.

Throughout the walk in the mall, he can feel the eyes of people on both you and him. He isn’t sure if you’ve noticed it, or if you’re choosing to remain ignorant as you talk about a trip you took with friends. He isn’t sure why people are staring at the both of you. He doesn’t have a mutation quirk, so he doesn’t really understand why people are staring. And even if he did, it’s a world full of quirks, where people with mutations have existed for a long while. Perhaps it’s just that he looks… odd, for lack of a better word. He’s never cared too much about his appearance, but even so, with all the eyes on him, he can start to feel his skin crawl.

Sensei has told him time and time again, that the outside world is something he shouldn't fret over. And he listens. He’s been told how he’s much better than them. He knows that he’s much better than them. It doesn’t take away the itch, but it certainly helps him ignore the stares of people who walk past the two of you. Plus, he isn't going to cause a scene in such a heavily populated area. And certainly, not in front of you. No one has approached either of you, and for now, that’s enough to prevent him from ruining the small date that you both are on.

His skin burns. Small little pinpricks that bit against him, and make him not-so-subtle scratch and tug at his own skin. He can control the more incessant scratching, the one where he wants to claw his hands down his throat, but he worries that he’ll activate his quirk by accident. He keeps his hands away from you, balled up into fists that are shoved into his sweater pockets as you pull him to a small ice-cream shop. He whispers to you to order for him- he’ll take whatever it is- and he goes to sit down, kicking his seat outwards and sitting with his hands clenched into fists. The scratching has begun to grow worse and his sweater now scratches and pulls against his skin.

When you sit in front of him, a soft purple ice-cream for you, and a more yellowed one for him, he mumbles a thanks and begins to eat it, wanting to finish so the two of you can leave. You eat in silence and when you put your spoon down, you ask him if it were the people that’s making his tic so much more worse. Tic? Ah, that’s right, that’s the excuse that he told you on why he scratched so much. He’s actually surprised that you picked up on the people staring- you really were just playing ignorant. He tells you to ignore it, to just hurry up and finish and he bits on the plastic spoon when you frown.

With your cup in your hand, you stand up, mumbling about going to get more napkins, and he’s left watching you walk away. He bites on the spoon, tearing off small plastic bits and spitting them out to the floor. You have the napkins in your hand and just as you’re about to walk back to him, people stop you. His eyes narrow and he can tell by the way that you furrow your brows and sneer, that they aren’t friends. He watches, and slowly, his breath quickens, his hands wrapping around the styrofoam cup until nothing is in his hands. He stands up, his hand sticky and then he sees you throw your cup at the people, your words drowned out by the noise, until it quiets down, attention all on you now. He can’t make out the words, but that isn’t important.

You both meet each other halfway, the game bag held carefully and your hands pulling on his wrist- he swore that he could have stopped breathing with how close you were to his hand- and you press your lips against his. You turn on your heel and give a crude gesture to the people who stand with ice cream coating their clothes. He’s left staring as you pull him out of the mall, rushing into your car to go home.

The way home is silent, with music playing lightly on the stereo. It isn’t awkward, but rather nice, as he stares out the window, watching the cars fall behind as you race home. Once at your place, the door is locked and you’re left pacing back and forth in your living room. He watches from the couch with an almost bored expression as you go on about how people can still be so immature about looks when there is a world full of quirks. He smiles at the sentence as has calmed enough to not feel the burning desire to scratch, but rather just chew at his bottom lip.

His eyes meet yours and he sees your attitude fade, watching as your shoulders rest as if the weight had been lifted off. You walk towards him, and your hand cups the side of his face and he watches you with half-lidded eyes. Tomura finds it funny how much you care for his well-being, how you ask if he’s okay, how you wrap your other hand around his neck and play with the ends of his hair. It’s one of the few times that he feels more calm than sick and twisted. It doesn’t take long for you to go on about what you like about him- his determination, the way he lights up when speaking about an interest, how he always finds time to listen and talk with you during his schedule. Not wanting to hear more, he nods and presses his kiss against yours; different than the one you gave him, lighter, almost as if it were a memory that were pressed against you, and when he pulls away, he gives your a short nod and tells you thank you, quietly adding “for the ice cream” at the end.

[duckugou]

golden

Kenma x GN!reader

Im trying to stray away from my comfort zone of just writing readers that use she/her so bear with me

sorry if this lowkey sucks but it was inspired by harry styles song golden

cw: big cursing, huge fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, comfort, aged up!

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in!

Requests are open!!

-------------------------------------

Being a streamer comes with perks. Being comfy at home, not having to face people in real life every day, playing games, typical shit. Another perk is making good friends.

Meeting people on a voice chat is common for Kenma -guys and gals alike. What he wasnt expecting one night was the sweetest voice on the other end of his headphones.

"You're all fucks- I'm better at this game than all of you combined. Try me."

To think that was the sentence that made Kenma's ears perk up and burn.

"What the hell ever- we have the great Kodzuken on our side." One of the guys said, half joking half dead serious.

"Oh yeah, he isn't even speaking up to defend your pussy asses- probably knows I could beat him too." You could hear the smirk in that last part.

"U-uh, no. You can't beat me. Nobody can actually. Not at this game." Kenma rebutted , confident in his gaming skills but not so much his speaking skills to this stranger.

"Oh man, you certainly sound confident. Come on, Kodzuken- 1v1 me then. Show me who the best really is."

Kenma suddenly felt nervous. Should he really demolish this stranger? Isn't it polite to let the person you like win? He didn't like this person yet but god their voice was attractive.

"Fine. Send the request." He decided.

"Sent, fucker."

The game resulted in a tie because this stranger actually knew what they were doing. They both threw friendly insults at each other the whole time of course, making each of them laugh a little.

"Okay fine. The great Kodzuken himself almost beat me. Im almost honored to have a great streamer almost beat me."

"Well you almost beat me too- uh-" Kenma stuttered over the fact that he didn't know how to address this stranger.

"Oh! Call me Y/n." The person giggled.

"You can uh, call me Kenma."

"Oh you don't want me to repeat your title over and over like everyone else?" They laughed.

"No, friends don't call me that. They use my name name." His ears were burning.

"Friends, huh? Guess that means you owe me your number so we can schedule a rematch where I can properly beat your ass."

"Huh, guess so."

A few months had gone by and Y/n and Kenma were as close as they could be. They found out they live close by each other and began hanging out a lot.

Y/n would be in the back of his streams on occasion and wouldn't hesitate to speak up during them. Thats the thing about Y/n. They've always been so outspoken. Since the start. Everything they talk about comes so easy to Y/n. Nothing is held back. Kenma knows everything about them. He on the other hand is still a bit closed off. Quiet. The two are so opposite yet so alike. Kenma doesn't speak much about himself, opting to listen.

Especially when talking about past relationships.

One night, they were sat in Kenmas room in separate chairs, letting conversations flow.

"So, you've dated but why have the relationships ended?" Y/n asked.

"Ah, I dont know- its not important. Why did yours end?" Kenma flipped the question as he always does.

"One guy cheated," Y/n tossed a piece of popcorn in the air, missing their mouth and brushing it off. "One girl left because she was leaving for school, and one guy just didn't mesh with me. Your turn." Y/n pushed the question back.

"Uh- well. I don't click with people easily. I'm pretty closed off so when I date it usually ends in hurt feelings by accident or they get sick of me." Kenma finally admitted.

"Huh." Y/n flopped onto their stomach on the bed after setting down the popcorn. "Don't you like anyone though? Like- if you liked someone enough, do you think you would give opening up a shot?"

"I mean I guess. Nobody ever takes the time to...pry me open." That got a laugh out of Y/n. Good. "But yeah I do like someone."

Sitting up suddenly, Y/n became visibly excited.

"TELL ME WHO."

"No god no- it isnt important." Kenmas ears burned again.

"Come onnnnn. Its gotta be someone big time cool to earn your heart. I have to approve."

Y/n pulled Kenma from his chair to the bed, not letting go of his hand as he sat down.

"Theyre very cool- and very sweet. Understanding. Someone who stands up for me and makes me comfortable-" Kenma began gushing.

"Do I know them?" Y/n interrupted.

"Y-yeah. You sure do." Kenma scratched the back of his neck.

"Oooh ok, a guessing game. Describe them more- their looks!" Y/n held his hand tighter, bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Well- ok." Kenma took a deep breath and decided he could be vague enough. "Theyre short. As short if not shorter than me. Competitive. Very cute smile-"

"TOO VAGUE give me the JUICY DETAILS" Y/n pushed.

"They uh- they have..pretty eyes." He was staring at this point, eyes wandering around Y/ns face to find more things to describe. "cute nose too I guess. Squishy cheeks. Glasse-"

"WHO THE HELL IS IT KENMA- its starting to sound like youre describing me." Y/n laughed.

"No- I'm totally not!" Kenma rushed.

"Tell this person you like them. You look so happy when you talk about them. Its kind of sickening."

"I can't just do that." Kenma stated flatly.

"Yeah you can."

"No-"

"DO ITTTT. Nothing to be scared of- it's CUTE. They would be dumb to not like you."

Kenma sighed, knowing he couldn't tell Y/n the truth about who he liked. What does he usually do when he's put in a corner like this? Oh thats right-

"Who do you like then Y/n?" He asked, proud of himself for deflecting again.

"Oh thats easy. You." Y/n said, letting go of his hand and laying back on the bed, leaving Kenma sitting up and stunned.

"What? No I mean a crush idiot. Who do you liiikkkeee?" Kenma pushed, hoping he didn't hear Y/n wrong.

"You, Kenma. I've had a crush since our first tie in a game. Thought that was obvious-"

Kenma flopped back on the bed as well. The both of them looking at each other.

"Oh. My person is uh... really... open and honest." Kenma said quietly.

"Is that why you wont tell them?" Y/n asked just as hushed.

"Yeah... what if right now they say yes but then their feelings change one day? That would hurt so bad. Worse than not telling them ever." He whispered.

There was silence. They knew what they both just admitted. Kenmas heart started racing. This might've fucked everything up. He might lose them. But they like him too so why is he so scared?

Y/n held his hand again.

"I know that youre scared because I'm so open...but hey... If you wanna give it a try..." Y/n whispered, scared about whether or not their honesty fucked them over.

"You might be right this time Y/n." Kenma whispered.

The space between them was closed due to both of them being drawn together like magnets in that moment. A sweet kiss.

"Let's try it then. I'll work on... being more open if you'd like." Kenma said.

"Kenma. I dont want you to change one bit. I like you the way you are."

Acceptance. It was the best thing Kenma has ever felt.

[lozbotwfanart]

taro for the ask game

if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?

hmmmmmm

well, my life doesn't change much from season to season, but, i guess i would tell them that i've been working out a lot more, trying to get in shape and make some sick gains. ahaha XD They're not that sick, but i do think that i am making some progress in getting stronger. i think i have definitely lost some weight, though i do not officially weigh myself

I have made lots of friends on Discord, and really made a pretty good community of fans with similar interests. its, really nice. i've never had so many friends before. Like, as you get older, the opportunity to make friends diminishes, but it seems like i have more friends than ever! and im really happy about that

I finally got the SSR Vil Shoenheit card from the Twisted Wonderland mobile game, and im so happy! he's my boyfriend, we are in a gay relationship, hahaha

oh and, i guess i have been thinking about a change in jobs. i've been thinking about it for awhile, and i still can't change right now since the job i have has a super good flexible work schedule that cant be beat and i really really need the flexibility. but I have been thinking of dipping my toe into professional cooking. i have no idea how to even start, but, it might be a good direction to go

Thank you so much for the ask, love! I appreciate you and all that you do