#its making it near impossible to plan shit around. like idk how to tell you your workers have lives

[foxboyclit]

ughhh i might have to start looking for a new job

[9tzuyu]

dissolve (rewrite)

natasha x reader

note: this was just a huge vent fic idk. these type of fics seem to be the only thing im okay at writing. mistakes are mine as always. but i did proofread, yay!

if you want to read the original (as awful as it is) you can read it here!

wanrings: this heavily revolves around eating disorders.

i’m not tagging anyone because the content isn’t really the lightest to read.

words are used everyday, everywhere – whether to describe something or someone. there’s thousands upon thousands of them.

so you were having a hard time figuring out why you were struggling so much to justify your feelings through the basis of words. it was unnerving, draining and very annoying. your emotions should be simple, right? you were either sad or happy, angry or scared. but there was something more, something unexplainable. saying you felt alone only scratched the surface of the wave of emotion that took over. it was excruciatingly painful, far worse than any physical pain you ever had to endure. and for some reason it seemed to come crashing down at night while natasha slept peacefully. you weren't exactly sure how to express your emotions to the extent you felt them. how else was anyone supposed to understand your pain? they couldn't, not unless they could somehow shift into your body and feel your emotions themselves. but that was merely impossible as such powers do not exist. so you were inevitably stuck with words foreign to your lips. over the years you were deemed unsafe, a hazard, "an accident waiting to happen" you recall one doctor say. everyone’s eyes were on you at all times, monitoring every little movement you made. it was suffocating and at times doing more damage than good.

as an adult now you learned how freeing it could be without the fear of gaining weight or eating a bowl full of rainbow marshmallow cereal. your worth was not defined by your weight.

(at least that's what you believed prior to any relapses.) everything was going well in your life. you were a college graduate working as a psychiatric nurse and you had found love, something your teenage self could only dream of. natasha was by your side through everything. and really, the only downfall in the relationship was that she had to travel a lot for her job. but you were secure enough in your relationship not to worry or decide to call things off. in the end natasha always made up for it when she came back, so you couldn't complain too much. things were going well for you, really, they were. until they weren't. (and you didn't know why.) it happened out of nowhere. work was a little more stressful than usual, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. natasha had been away for three months, only stopping by a few times to check in on you. but again, your wife being away for so long wasn't anything new or worrisome. the two of you had followed the routine of her leaving and coming back more than a thousand times; yet somewhere along the way you lost yourself. food became less of a priority, your hunger decreased drastically, and within the first month you'd lost thirteen pounds. it truly was an accident, slipping into a full blown relapse was never part of the plan. but thirteen pounds lighter you wanted more, to feel small again. you didn't have an answer as to why you became so attached to your eating disorder, but it didn't seem like it would be letting go any time soon. the rate at which you were going natasha would most definitely be able to see a difference; not only on your weight, but in the person you once were. she'd ask what happened and why it happened, poking and prodding for an answer, but you didn't have one. so here you stood in the kitchen of your shared home, a cup of sliced fruit in one hand and your cell phone in the other. you poured the fruit into the bottom of a blender along with a spoonful of yogurt and half a cup of soy milk. another half cup of ice followed suit. while the fruit blended, you shamelessly scrolled through your instagram. there was nothing interesting going on in other people's lives, you didn't even know why you had social media in the first place. it was dumb, and quite frankly you didn't give a shit whether or not sharon went to the beach. the sound of your blender coming to a halt brought your attention back to the real world. you poured your smoothie into your water bottle. the green liquid would be your breakfast and lunch for the day - dinner was still up for debate. a soft sigh left your lips. work was beginning to feel more like a chore and less of something you enjoyed. you were quickly growing tired of it. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and rushed out of the door.

you thought about the irony of working as a psychiatric nurse with an undealt eating disorder telling teenagers how to deal with their own issues. you felt hypocritical to say the least, especially given that all the nasty side effects were starting to make themselves known.

your hair was beginning to thin, small clumps of it already starting to fall out when you tugged a little too hard. bruises could be seen scattered left and right on your body, and you were cold. god you were cold. your fingernails were tinted blue, warmth seemingly too far out of reach. you looked ill, and it didn't go unnoticed by your coworkers.

a few hours into your shift you found yourself sitting behind the nurses station filling out paperwork. lunch had passed and when your coworker, steve, asked if you were going to eat something you lied straight through your teeth, telling him you'd grab something when the patients were eating dinner.

but steve rogers could read you like an open book. he knew you were lying because he already knew what was going on. the signs of an eating disorder were quite obvious when you were a licensed therapist. and despite your futile attempts at hiding it, everyone could tell something wasn't right.

steve played it by ear for weeks until he contacted natasha, but by then you'd already lost a considerable amount of weight. as soon as she heard the news, natasha booked the next flight home. unfortunately for her though, there was only one flight and she would have to wait two and a half weeks before being able to leave.

you didn't know it, but those were the longest two and a half weeks natasha ever had to wait.

– patients were having group therapy, so you could tune them out - not that you should, but it was hard to focus when the only two things you could think about were food and your weight.

the need to lose weight sounded so stereotypical for someone with an eating disorder, but honestly it wasn't about that. it was never about wanting to be thin. you genuinely didn't know why this was happening. the only thing you noticed was how rewarding it felt seeing the number go down, as if for you were good for becoming less. it was addictive. and it didn't help that you based your entire worth on how much you could lose.

the next time you stood up from behind the nurses station steve met you in the the cafeteria. while the patients ate you took occasional sips from your smoothie. the bottle was still full of its contents from the morning. you had completely forgotten to drink it during the day, but you didn't seem to mind it that much.

the surprise touch of steve's hand on your shoulder startled you.

i am gross, you thought. do not do that.

steve caught onto the slight flinch your body produced as a reflex, but he didn't say anything about it.

"you can leave early, boss said so."

he laughed as he saw confusion plaster your face.

"what? no!"

"go home, seriously. we have this handled. you know tony doesn't like being told no."

you bit your lip, puzzled by the sudden request. most people wouldn't mind being sent home early, but all it did for you was give you a level of anxiety reserved for food.

what you didn't know was that natasha was home waiting for your arrival. she came back just short of an hour after you left for work.

while you were gone natasha made a few thorough rounds in the house looking for key signs of your eating disorder. there was bound to be evidence given that you didn't know she was home.

unsurprisingly, natasha found a glass scale beside the counter of the bathroom floor along with empty bottles of laxatives in the trashcan. the food in the fridge had been expired a few days past their date, giving her the indication that you weren't eating as much as you should be. her concern grew even more when she found your food journal on your nightstand. flipping the pages, natasha could see that throughout the moths she'd been gone your calorie intake had decreased significantly.

guilt began to gnaw at the back of her throat.

during the few days natasha stopped by, she hadn't noticed anything wrong with you. but then again she knew most people with eating disorders were very good at hiding them up until the point they were discovered. three days wasn't near enough time for her to catch onto your tricks, not when her mind was still focused on her job.

natasha always listened intently whenever you would talk about your eating disorder, the first time being six months into the relationship on a date you felt like you had ruined.

but talking about it was much different than experiencing it with you, natasha had never done that before up until now. she read nearly every article there was about anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and ednos. sometimes when you were asleep she would watch documentaries on the disorder, always making sure to keep her volume at a low level.

the videos that hurt her the most were the ones teenagers struggling with the simple task of eating food.

(although natasha knew it wasn't that simple.)

it hurt because she knew that was you at some point in time.

upon your arrival, natasha cooked dinner. she wanted to hold onto the one sliver of hope that steve was wrong - that he was just overreacting - but she knew in her heart he was right about his assumption. however, dinner would only confirm what natasha so desperately wanted to deny.

when you walked through the door you were greeted with the overwhelming scent of food. you cringed at the thought of having to eat, but as soon as you looked up to see the redhead who'd been gone for so long your frown was washed away. a wide smile overtook your face and you rushed to jump into natasha's arms.

"i missed you so much," you whispered. "i thought you'd be gone for another few weeks?"

natasha's arms found their way around your waist as your legs wrapped around hers. "what? i can't come home early to surprise my wife?" you giggled in the crook of her neck. she smiled feeling the vibrations against her skin, happy to know that you'd missed her just as much as she missed you.

she sat you down, back facing you, she tended to the food. "you've lost weight," she commented, not missing the sharp inhale of your breath.

"how was work, nat?"

she nodded to herself. yeah, she didn't expect you to be so open on the first try.

"it was fine. dinner's ready, i made your favorite!" natasha threw a smile in your direction as she carried the plates over to the table. she had hoped to see your face light up the way it used to, but seeing the panicked look in your eyes further confirmed your relapse.

if nothing else, natasha wanted you to have a meal before she brought up the conversation.

"great... i love it, thank you nat!" your attempt at being enthusiastic failed miserably and you knew by the look she gave you, she already knew what was going on.

but throughout the meal, and despite the shakiness of your hand as it gripped the metal fork, natasha didn't say anything.

you weren't really sure which was worse; being confronted or knowing the both of you knew what the other was thinking and still not addressing it.

natasha's meal was good, you couldn't lie about that, but each bite you chewed caused the tightening in your chest to constrict further.

now you couldn't be good. or worthy. or deserving.

nat took away your plate when you were halfway through. she knew your limits, and she didn't want to push you too much out of your comfort zone.

"go change, i'll wash our dishes. meet you on the couch?"

you did as you were told, taking as long as you could to do so. except this time was different. you didn't glance in the mirror like you usually did, you chose to fully take in your figure.

what you saw was not what you expected to see. for the first time in months you saw a version of yourself that wasn't twisted and turned to be something you didn't know was real or not.

your skin was dry, hair thinned out beyond your belief, eyes sunken and dark underneath. the revelation gave you an odd feeling – was once again something unexplainable, unjustifiable by words.

good.

that was how you were supposed to feel, right? after all of this time, after the many pounds of protection and warmth lost, you were supposed to feel good.

but you didn't. and you never would.

there was something so surreal about the realization of your own destruction. you were aware now, which meant you had to either take responsibility or choose to lose everything you worked so hard for.

"y/n?"

your wife's voice snapped you out of your gaze and you scrambled to pile your dirty clothes and rush out of the bedroom.

as you made your way into the living room you could feel the intensity of natasha's gaze. any other time you would not mind her green eyes looking at you, but this time around you felt like you were in trouble.

she patted the empty spot next to her, to which you reluctantly joined. but even after everything you still tried to play it cool.

"what's up? is everything okay?"

she gave a low chuckle, "you tell me."

"what do you mean?"

"oh i think you know what i mean."

natasha’s reply was met with the loudest silence you ever had to sit through.

she bit her lip, "you know i got a call from steve a few weeks ago. he's concerned about you, and from what he's told me so am i."

you were quick to respond, automatically knowing what steve’s phone call was about. "i'm fine. so what if i've lost a couple of pounds? that doesn't automatically mean that im relapsing, natasha."

your quick snap reminded natasha that this kind of confrontation was like walking on eggshells.

she tilted her head, licking her lips. "i'm here with you, always." nat put a hand to the side of your face, gently rubbing her thumb at the top of your cheekbone. "i'm here."

it seemed pointless now to try and say anything because your secret was already out.

your mind began racing back and forth.

you wanted to keep what you knew best and natasha understood that. even by reading your body language she knew what you were debating.

"you know, to keep it you have to give it away." your eyes darted to meet hers. "mhm. you can still have that piece of you. mourn it, grieve it, do whatever you need to do to move onto a stage where it doesn't hurt you. and from there you can help other people, share your experience, let yourself heal by helping others."

she paused, “we all have choices. some of those choices are taken from you while others leave you with only one option.”

although what she said seemed to resonate with you, there was one thing still holding you back.

"i just want to be good."

natasha hummed. you had explained it to her in the past, though your words were jumbled together as you tried to describe it.

"you can be good in other ways. you're allowed to live a life outside of the barriers your eating disorder puts in the way."

you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat. "i don't even know how it got to this point. in january i enjoyed ihop and dennys. in february i could have oatmeal and bananas, sometimes half of a sandwhich if i was feeling brave. now it’s march and i only eat one or two things a day. the idea of having a full meal makes me want to cry. and i just- i don't know how to stop."

natasha wouldn't show it, but your words cut through her heart like a knife. her mind wandered briefly to all the teenagers in the documentaries she'd watched, hoping you weren't too far gone into your eating disorder to ever come back. those cases scared her the most.

"you've got my complete support. you've tackled this before, maybe this time you can beat it? i know its easier to abuse your body instead of growing comfortable in it, but i think you’ve got this. i know you do."

"what about your work?" your question caused natasha to frown. "you think i wouldn't set my job aside for you?" you shrugged, it's not like you felt like you were worth being taken care of anyway.

natasha grew hesitant to tell you her news, but did it anyway because she’d rather you hate her than see you dead. "i've already made some appointments for you. the first one is tomorrow morning."

"i figured you would natasha. it's okay."

you spaced yourself out the rest of the day. each time you made the executive decision to recover, whether that be a genuine recovery or not, the process never failed to remind you that even trying to recover from an eating disorder felt like mourning the loss of a friend who was never good for you in the first place.

[syubub]

Yoongi birthday reading/energy check!!

It's sweet sweet tangerine bois birthday!!

I wanted to do a cute little energy check up to see what's up and ask some fun little questions!!

I'm excited so let's just do this shit!!

Disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact!!

---

I want to apologize for the absolute shit pictures but what's new lol

So, let's start with the platform. First thing I noticed was the blue was brighter but the platform was darker? It was like someone cranked up the contrast to 100. Ngl it looked pretty cool. Yoongis platform doesn't typically have a barrier like some of the others do so I just kinda walked in and did the whole, "happy birthday, I have questions" His energy seemed a lot more... vibrant? And playful I guess? It was really nice. Now. The actual connection was intresting because the cord was blue again and like, real thick. (I don't think my perceived thickness of the cord has and real correlation with how strong the connection is. It was just thicc) this time though, the cord was connected at the chest instead of the third eye. So i was like, ??? But my guide didn't give my any sort of helpful input (my guide likes to watch me suffer in my confusion. I'm sure of it)

Anyway, cord like that and then yoobi gave me a headbutt to connect at the third eye. Idk why he gotta be like that :( istg next time he's gonna flick my forehead or something.

I was like "cool cool cool. I want to do the reading now pls" and idk how to explain the energy other than sassy. You know? Blah blah blah I'm thinking, "I don't remember him being so cheeky but maybe I've been gone long enough for him to level up into his final sass monster form"

Anywho, this was intresting because after the little strings were connected and stuff, we plopped down on the floor. And it was like everything I was doing irl was being mimicked infront of yoons energy? So we were sitting facing eachother and I was putting the cards down between us?? Usually that doesn't happen but it was kinda fun!!

Moving right along. I first asked if there was anything he wanted to say or needed to get across and it was 11. Now, 11 has come up before and I'm still not to sure what it's in reference to? My best guess is possibly he's been seeing 11:11 or that it's 2? Idk let me know if you have any clues lol. Other stuff was just kinda banter and stuff.

So so so.

The reading. First thing I asked was how he was doing. And I shuffled his preticular way (when I ask a question I always ask for the energy to tell me how much to shuffle or when to stop. For yoongi it's always 2-2-2. So 2 bridge shuffles, 2 hand shuffles and then split the pile in 2. That's why I think 11 might be 2 to him?)

The cards we got are ace of swords rev, justice,the heirophant rev, the empress.

So based off this I was like okay. I want to pull clarity cards for the two rev cards to get a better picture so I pulled the emperor rev for ace or swords rev and strength rev and wheel of fortune rev for the heirophant rev.

Starting with the ace of swords rev, and the emperor reverse. It seems like yoongi has been re thinking his relationship to control in his life. That's he's possibly noticing any unhealthy needs to control his life and the situation around him. It could also refer to his judgment being clouded by a rigid approach.

With the justice card it makes me think that he's possibly considering a big choice in his life or that he's really doing some deconstructing of his own views. This second idea fits in well with him getting clarity on some possibly unhealthy control issues in his life.

Now. The heirophant rev, strength rev and wheel of fortune reverse. This was intresting to me bc they are all major arcana. The heirophant rev can really talk about no longer needing outside approval and making your own way in your own time bc you are your own teacher. Strength in rev I kinda read as self doubt and feeling down in this case. Like a lack of confidence in himself and his abilities. And the wheel of fortune in reverse I took to mean as his breaking cycles. All together these cards kinda paint a picture about wanting and trying to break a cycle of self doubt and self limiting beliefs and learning more about himself and why he think what he does about himself and searching through everything for truth. It's really good!! In short he's doing some nice soul searching and trusting himself to guide his own way through this self discovery!

The empress! This card seems to pop up for yoobi a lot and I think it really speaks to the abundance that surrounds him! Not just money but the abundance of creativity, love, friends ect.

Now now now. I asked him if there was anything that he wanted to tell us about himself or bts or what's happening in the near future. For that I got 2 of cups, king of wands and 3 of coins.

So the 2 of cups is partnership. Usually romantic. Could be pertaining to the may 13th thing that is ever present lol but I'll get to that later. With the 3 of coins talking about teamwork, this could definitely hint at collaborations coming up!! That's the vibe I get. No one crush my dreams. And for the king of wands it could be talking about taking the reigns on a new project and starting to get it done. Like a new opportunity. This could be a new bts project like starting a new campaign or new venture or maybe personal like the a mixtape or doing more songs for other groups ect.

I had to ask him how he was feeling about the grammys. I had to. Had to. The cards were ace of wands, 2 of wands and death reverse. When these came flying out I could help but smile. Yoongis energy was almost giddy too!

Witht he ace of wands

It's that spark of creativity and inspiration. It's that feeling when you get super excited over some new thing. I think this is the perfect example for feeling reinvigorated. The 2 of wands takes that spark from the ace and tries to funnel that excitement and newness into something directional. Using that burst of creativity to start planning for future progress!! Its so nice to see that! If they don't win (IF) you bet we're gonna get some bangers about a corrupt system. If (WHEN) they do win we'll get bangers about how thankful they are to have gotten where they are in spite of a corrupt system. I just want to hear an uncensored version of yoongi being like, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WE DID IT BITCHES. FUCK ALL YOU BASTARDS THAT SAID WE COULDN'T."

I can dream....

What a nice dream.

Now I asked if there was anything yoobi wanted to say to us as in advice or comfort or anything like that and I got, Clearing negativity, make time for self care, when I'm tuned into the energy of abundance I become abundant. when I'm in a state of appreciation im in vibrational alignment with my true love nature. The world rev, 2 of swords rev and that project, that person, that idea is waiting.

Awe. Take care of yourselves!! Make sure to take time to enjoy what you like and try not to let any negativity get in the way of you enjoying your days. The world rev to me seems to be talking about seeking closure on the things in your life that have been impacting you. Tie up those loose ends so you can move foward without triping over yourself and 2 of swords rev I think talks about information overload and being kinda indecisive bc of that. Take a sep back to evaluate the situation at hand because sometimes it's so close you can't see what you're looking for. Those of you who are studying and getting frustrated because you just can't seem to get it, try taking a step back and doing something to take care of yourself and come back to it so you can approach with a clearer mind. Try not to get stuck or paralyzed by choice but if you do get stuck, take some time to detach yourself from the situation and come back later!

A fair few people wanted an update on yoobis soulmate as well. If you need a refresher here's the run down. Yoongis soulmate is impossible for me to read, yoongi is a smug ass and I'm nosy and probably a little dumb.

Now that that's cleared up

I asked, "am I missing something?" (As to why I can't connect and why yoongi won't give me answers.)

I got queen of cups, magician and the high priestess. I read this as him being like, "yeah dude, you aren't woke enough"

YOONGI just give me answers pls. The high priestess is intuition and sacred knowledge, the magician is manifestation and the queen of cups is also intuition.

At this point I was like, okay you little shit, can you at least tell me how your soulmate is doing? Can you do that for me?

2 of cups, 2 of pentacles, 9 of wands and knight of wands. 2 of cups is partnership usually romantic, 2 of pentacles is priorities and managing them, 9 of wands persistence, knight of wands motivation for a new thing. His soulmate last time was in the process of going through some shit and figuring it out and it seems like now they've got a better clue of how to move foward and are currently heading towards good things/ important things in their life (possibly like working towards dream career or had an idea for a business the want to start or field they want to go in.)

I was thinking about the next question when this popped into my head, "if you know about your akashic book, do you know about your soulmates? Have you read it?" I used my pendulum. No movement at all. What so ever. "Are you listening to me?" Yes. "So answer my question please" No. "Do you like to watch me suffer?" Maybe. "Do you know the answer to the question" yes.

YOONGI WHY

This cheeky son of a bitch.

Now I was like, fuck it. Imma ask him the big boi question.

"Is your soulmate present when I do these readings?" Yes.

WHY THE FUCK CAN I NIT PICK UP ON IT???

I had to take a deep breath dude. Yoobi is testing my nerves.

"Are they hiding their energy?" No.

I was actually gonna combust. This makes no sense.

I asked yoongi if he would tell me what I'm not getting. Silence. So i ask my guide.

"lol ur dumb"

Watch me Google "how to fire your spirit guide"

Istg this feels like some dumb prank. Maybe I'm just genuinely oblivious to his soulmates energy or maybe I'm just doing something.

What do you want to bet that his soulmate is just hiding under the platform and I'm too stupid to notice or some dumb thing like that.

yoobi, sir, why must you do this?

I decided to continue.

"What message or thing have you learned from your soulmate recently that could be valuable to us?" I got healthy communication in relationships and deep replenishment.

Good to know you can have a nice communicative relationship with your soulmate bc I CAN'T.

I'm petty about it, sue me.

The message does stand though. Good communication and taking proper rest to replenish yourself.

Now I had to ask yoongi directly what he thought of may 13th.

I got the lovers, 7 of swords, the magician and judgement. The seven of swords was intresting and it makes me think there's some extra stuff at play here too. 7 of swords is about getting away with something and deceit. The clarifier was the magician.... this could mean a lot honestly. It could be that maybe yoongi will have his relationship exposed or possibly that maybe him and his soulmate meet but yoongi is disguised? Idk how that would work at all but I'm stumped. There's a lot of variations that this could be. The magician is about manifesting and having everything you need to create what you want. This could possibly mean that maybe he gets a sudden idea that's like, "oh I have to go here right now. Its super important" eventhough he has practice scheduled. So that would let down his team but he would be following his path and it might lead to him meeting his soulmate? Maybe vice versa? Idk let me know what you think??

With the judgement its about inner calling and kinda like the peak. Like shit has been leading up to this moment. With the lovers too it does seem like a union?

I asked him, "but like what's gonna happen on the 13th thought and I got the 10 of cups. Divine love, bliss, alignment, happy mushy gushy shit. This is why I'm so inclined to think that they'll meet on the 13th or things will get serious or their paths finally cross. The cards seem to heavily suggest that.

My dude. Yoongi is really sappy, pass it on.

For the last question I asked yoomgi if there was messages/ advice he had given to his soulmate that we might benefit from.

First step, open your third eye, open your heart, sign from heaven, open your arms to receiving.

A lot of opening lol.

It's good advice though learning to be open and receptive and taking that first step in tackling life or any situation.

Oki. Now for the disconnecting. It was not nearly as strange as it has been in the past. I was just like thanks dude. Again, happy birthday blah blah and I got up to leave. I noticed it looked like we were in sitting in one of those old plastic hoola hoops? Like the pink and yellow ones lol. As I was looking at and and like??? Off to the side the numbers 13, 28, 54. Obvi 54 isn't a date and then I the last yoongi check up there was book pages and I feel like 54 and 28 were the pages?? I'm not actually sure as I'm writing this so I'm gonna check.

Yep I checked. They are the page #s.

So that's intresting.

Other than that though I just kinda left and he was like, "bye" and that's all.

Not as cool as other yoongi adventures but equally as frustrating.

TLDR

Yoongis doing pretty okay and he's a cheeky little shit. My guide like to watch me suffer and yoobi is mushy gushy squishy.

Happy day of birth Syub!!

[risingsouls]

Recruited: Chapter 14

[Alright! We’ve officially made it to the boys heading off to Earth! I took some creative liberties with the scene in which they find out about Raditz’s death and the dragonballs, as well as making better sense of how they can just...fuck off for a year without permission basically? IDK it’s bothered me for a long time and I found a fun way to work around and fix that, among making better sense of a few other minor weird inconsistencies in canon!

That said, the chapters from here on out MAY look a little different. Canon shit will be glossed over more, as I’m not here to just completely re-write out canon scenes. Obviously some are going to be done, but not all. Additionally, we will probably be in Nabooru’s perspective more often than not, but I haven’t fully decided. It’s either mostly Nabs with a few Vegeta only chapters here and there OR I’ll do like I did with the Conversations project and write both of their perspectives at once. BUT this is just me speculating and giving fair warning :3.

As usual, you can read the rest of the fic and other things over here! Thanks to all of you who consistently like and read this and enable my dumb ass :’3]

Vegeta

The next few months sped by, fueled by near nonstop work assigned to the pair of Saiyans. They finished one purge and moved to the next before they could catch their breath, and for it, Vegeta was glad. Through all his effort to maintain normalcy and pretend nothing had changed proved difficult in any stretch of downtime. The upset of Nabooru's promotion threw a hefty wrench into an already flimsy plan, robbing him of the only competent training partner who could begin to pose a challenge and that he could trust not to squeal when it came to his true motives. 

Trust. The very thought of the word made him want to scream. Dismantle his pod piece by piece with him inside it. Until she stepped to Frieza's side that day and reprimanded him for sending Raditz off to Earth like he was some child, he didn't realize that he had developed a modicum of trust in her. Further than that moment they shared behind closed doors, the playful, silent agreement that he did trust her. Despite his denial of it and little thought given the moment after. The situation had him questioning even Nappa's loyalty. When would the general and the man who all but raised him turn on him? Would he ever hear from Raditz again, or had the coward used his supposed brother as an excuse to make an escape?

A lesson learned the hard way, as all of them seemed to be for him: trust no one, no matter what. Only power and strength mattered in the end. Both things he needed more of to realize his plans.

The pod's AI system clocked their arrival at their destination at ten minutes, jolting him from his perturbed thoughts for just a moment. He ignored whatever comment Nappa made about finally getting to stretch his legs and informing Nabooru of their arrival on Arglin. Another ridiculous stipulation put in place by Frieza after their meeting: check in when you land and check out when you leave along with at least one daily report if the job lasted more than a single day. All of which he left to Nappa because he couldn't guarantee how his temper would fare just hearing the Gerudo's voice. Because he couldn’t stand to be out of the loop, he still listened in on their conversation, silently seething and left in a worse mood when they ended the call. The times Zarbon had to step in for her due to her healing from her injuries sustained in training were almost a blessing, the amount of irritation in hearing the pompous general’s voice at normal levels that didn’t have him ready to delete an entire solar system. At least he could take solace in her getting her ass soundly handed to her once in a while; as expected, Zarbon and Dodoria didn’t seem to be holding back on her.

Time and space had given some room to reason when it came to her, however. With perhaps a smidgen of prodding from Nappa, he did realize his claims of her ratting him out to achieve her new position were unfounded, if for no other reason than he still lived. Frieza would have killed them on the spot, even Nabooru for not telling him sooner. But it did little to soften the blow and he viewed it as a betrayal for he could only surmise she was doing some dealing behind his back to get there, Frieza's ridiculous reason be damned. Or perhaps he more accurately would only allow himself to surmise as much. It was easier to be angry with her and view her as a sleazy, spineless worm who wanted to climb the ranks at any cost rather than the more personal betrayal that dredged up a murky swamp of emotions he didn't want to feel let alone combat.

The pair of pods touched down on the planet's surface amidst what appeared to be jungle terrain. Vegeta climbed out and pressed the button on his scouter to begin a full scan of the planet's inhabitants. As the reports suggested, the highest power levels would barely pose a threat to Nappa, let alone him, even when it came to its army. Another quick mission and onto the next.

An incoming message interrupted his train of thought, and Raditz's name flashed across the red glass. He pressed the button, watching as Nappa grumbled and did the same. "What is it, Raditz?"

"Months away and this is the greeting I get?" Vegeta growled and Raditz clicked his tongue. Bold with so much distance between them. "Whatever. I've landed on Earth. I have yet to detect a single power level worth noting. One of them tried to shoot me with some archaic weaponry, though."

"So your weakling brother is dead?"

"I gue--hang on. There's one. Still not much, but I'll check it out."

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "Keep the line open for us. We have work to do and I'm not in the mood for your pointless interruptions."

He supposed that at least put to rest his suspicions of Raditz deserting.

"Least the runt made it," Nappa commented with a yawn and stretch. "So, half the planet each like we've been doing?"

"Fine." Vegeta's boots lifted from the ground. "No stopping off for a damn drink this time. If I have to pick up any slack for you, I'll finish the job myself, destroy your pod, and leave you here. Got it?"

"How did you even--?"

"Smell, Nappa."

"Shit…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "Alright, all work, no play. I'll meet you back here."

Vegeta nodded. Blue-white aura surrounded him and he took off, heading toward the first large cluster of power levels.

--------------

Cities razed and reduced to rubble. He met the resistance of the armies and, instead of dealing with them with a large-scale blast, he decided to bring the fight to them. He crushed bones and punched holes through anyone stupid enough to engage him head on. Obliterated whole squadrons at point blank range. Laughed in the faces of those who begged him for mercy or claimed him a monster. An outlet for his pent up rage, the aggression spilling out of him on the weaklings unlucky enough to live on a planet set for purging and, worse yet, assigned to him. In the moment, he forgot all about Frieza and Nabooru, his quest for vengeance. He was a warrior, a hunter on the prowl. The prince of all Saiyans who answered to no master but himself.

The last soldier's head crushed beneath his boot, he flicked blood from his gloves and wiped it from his face. All the while he had been tuning in and out to the feed from Raditz and his mission on Earth, occasionally chuckling at his stupid jokes or misplaced bravado. He had located his brother after all, a failure in his mission with the planet still fully populated and at peace. Vegeta surmised Raditz ran into trouble with him and another fighter. He took a moment to listen to Raditz beg for Kakarot to release his tail and snorted at the idiot's misfortune and lack of foresight to train his tail so it no longer posed such a weakness. 

He tapped the button on his scouter. It beeped throughout the scan but ultimately only picked up a handful of signatures across the planet on Nappa's portion. His work complete, he tore through the sky and back to their pods.

By the time Nappa returned, Vegeta had stoked a small fire with the trees their pods felled upon landing. He snapped a couple of limbs off a few corpses and jammed a spit through them, leaving them to roast over the fire when hunger gnawed at his belly. When Nappa reached out for one of the spits, Vegeta slapped his hand away and ordered him to get his own.

The sounds of combat over the scouter halted. He could hear the sound of Raditz struggling against some sort of restraint. A voice he didn't recognize ordering a "Piccolo" to attack. His cohort pointing out that the owner of the previous voice couldn't possibly dodge some attack while holding him and soon trying to talk his way out of what appeared to be certain doom. His cohorts agonized screams followed by a bout of silence.

Vegeta's expression fell, tightened. He tore into the arm he plucked from the fire, ignoring the excessive heat in his mouth. They didn't lose. Even Raditz found ways to beat the odds. Earth was meant to be filled with weaklinga and for Raditz to find his end to such lowlifes...the stick snapped in his grip, his meal dropping to the ground with a thud. It was embarrassing. To Raditz. To him.

He snatched up another roasted limb. Pained and rasping, Raditz's voice sounded in his ear again. Answered by another that he vaguely remembered from the preceding fight and announcing the final attack. Raditz's killer, then. The Saiyan claimed they would all perish when his comrades came to avenge him (had he not been in such a sour mood, Vegeta would have laughed), to which the other replied that this Goku would have the last laugh. His friends would wish him back soon using something called the dragonballs.

And then it clicked. These dragonballs granted a wish as impossible as bringing the dead back to life. Could they grant any wish? Could this be the answer he was looking for to his Frieza problem? His pulse quickened and his mind raced with possibilities.

“Shit...can’t believe Raditz is dead,” Nappa mumbled at last.

Vegeta scoffed. “The only reason it’s shocking is because that planet was supposed to be full of weaklings. Otherwise, with how weak he was himself, it was only a matter of time.” He ripped another chunk of meat with his teeth and wiped his mouth with the back of his glove. “I’m far more interested in those dragonballs they mentioned.”

“Huh? Oh yeah, that’s right.” He rubbed his chin in thought. “Said you could make a wish with them.”

“Precisely. We’ll force Kakarot and his friends to hand them over and make a wish of our own.”

Nappa perked up. “Hey, and we can bring Raditz back.”

“Don’t be stupid,” the prince snapped, frown deepening at his cohort’s shock. “Raditz was weak and I won’t waste a wish on a weakling like that.”

Vegeta fought the urge to roll his eyes with how Nappa blinked, his good mood and a dim light of potential hope holding his annoyance at bay. If they could pull this off, Frieza and anyone else who stood in his way would become nonissues. “How does immortality sound to you, Nappa?”

“Eh, immortality?” Realization slowly dawned over the former general’s features, smirk resurfacing at last. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound too bad at all. We’d be unstoppable.”

“Now you’re getting it.” Vegeta stood. “Immortality doesn’t suit the weak, anyway. Raditz would only get in our way in the long run.”

Nappa followed his lead. “Guess you got this all figured out, huh?” He paused and folded his arms over his chest. His confident grin faded once more. “You think we’d get clearance for that trip? We’re further out now than when Raditz took off.”

In his mounting excitement, the thought slipped his mind. The snap decision to go without reporting to his betters or awaiting permission, while more tempting on the precipice of immortality, could prove detrimental in the long run. He had no doubt that, if Frieza caught wind of the dragonballs, he would seek them out for himself. But by the same token, if Frieza hadn't heard the transmission already, keeping quiet about a flight to Earth without word cast suspicion on the entire trip regardless. He needed a way to get permission to go to Earth while keeping his true intentions secret until it was too late for Frieza or his cronies to do a thing about it.

A growl rumbled in his chest, and he flipped through the options until he found the proper contact number. He had one option for it, and whether she would work with him considering their last encounter was a shot in the dark at best. He could see her refusing out of pure spite or to cover her own ass and keep him as leashed as the emperor wanted him. Naturally, he refused to tell her the entire plan. He just needed enough to convince her it was worthwhile. Specific but vague to ward off suspicion and keep anyone potentially listening in off their trail.

With Nappa keeping better rapport with their new commander, Vegeta reconsidered forcing Nappa to speak with her since, from what he could tell in their conversations, she held no ill will toward the large Saiyan. He himself seemed to have let go of the ordeal entirely, a fact that irritated Vegeta for reasons he couldn't quite place. He watched Nappa tap into the line and he felt his tongue form the order but quelled it as the familiar voice spoke in his ear:

"You're already done? That must be a record for you two."

Rage flooded him the same way it always did when he listened in on Nappa relaying his report to her or holding small, inane conversations. It seized his lungs and clamped his mouth shut. He waved a hand for Nappa to continue while he paced the length of their makeshift camp, his tail lashing behind him.

"Sure are. Just trying to keep the higher ups happy." He could feel Nappa's gaze on him but ignored it. "Planet's been purged without issue and is ready for whatever venture Frieza has planned for it."

Nabooru sighed in relief. "You make this job easy for me. I'll get to rub it in Zarbon's and Dodoria's faces. They said this one would take you at least three days."

"Bastards," Nappa huffed. "Give ‘em a good punch from me next time you train with them."

"I'll try my best."

Vegeta glared over at Nappa, urging him to get to the damn point. "Right, uh….so how's the training going? We haven't had to report to Zarbon the last few times. Thank fuck for that."

"It's going great. I'm getting stronger by the day. I can feel it."

Good. She was alone and their conversation was likely not being monitored. Nabooru and Nappa concocted a code between them to ensure the slightest amount of security for their conversations. The Saiyan requested how her training was going and, depending how she answered, would decide if they could speak freely or not. A casual and conversational check that wouldn't raise red flags. The positive response bode well.

"Heh, at what cost, though? You have to deal with Zarbon and Dodoria everyday." Nappa rubbed the back of his neck, once more eying the prince for guidance on what he was meant to say. "But uh...don't know if you heard yet but--"

"Raditz is dead."

Nappa blinked and silence fell on the other end of the scouter. He wondered what stunned her into silence more, hearing his voice for the first time in months due to a refusal to speak with her he made clear or the news he imparted with the barest amount of hesitation or emotion.

Finally, "Is that so?" Her voice softened and lacked its usual energy. "How? I thought--"

"Yes, we all thought. Someone down there obviously got the better of him." He returned to his seat on the log, arms folded over his chest and one leg crossed over the other. "He was caught off guard because the warriors there can lower their power levels to next to nothing. He underestimated his opponents because of it."

"I can't believe it," she breathed. He imagined her tangling her fingers in her crimson tresses, a habit of hers he observed on multiple occasions.

Vegeta tsked. "It's his own damn fault. But it could mean the planet has more potential soldiers on it than we knew. It could be worth checking out after all." He paused and inwardly rolled his eyes at the ridiculous lie he was about to spew to sweeten the deal: "Besides, Nappa and I want to avenge Raditz. No one kills a Saiyan without consequence."

The woman hummed, and the prince tapped his foot in the air impatiently. His tail thumped the log next to him in rhythm. "Fair enough. I'll see what I can do with fitting it into your work queue. Rearrange things to put you two in that neck of the universe." Vegeta smirked. "It may be a while before you can make that stop as I'll have to keep you both busy on the trip out that way."

"All the better. Frieza wouldn't understand our mission." Not the fake one, anyway. 

"He wouldn't." Another silence, save for a squeak followed by the sound of running water, droplets hitting tile. His eye twitched when his mind betrayed him with an accompanying image. "In fact, if you can keep it down to a day, two at most, I could probably get you out that way and put it in the schedule as your off days. Then, if you happen to come back with any useful data about Earth, it could just be a bonus of your time off."

Clever, though he refused to praise her for it. "They barely bested Raditz it sounded like, so taking them out shouldn't be an issue for us."

"Then I'll see what I can do. I'll send your updated queue to you once I figure it out."

"Fine." 

A press of the button and he cut the line, Nappa saying his farewell and following suit. Vegeta stood once more and strode to his pod and opened it. After every setback and years of enraging torment, his fate seemed to be turning around. With immortality on the horizon, Frieza's demise and his freedom were just around the corner. He would take back what was his and more, all that was promised him. He would take vengeance on those who wronged him and his race and said he couldn't do it. He would rise and take his place in Saiyan legend as a Super Saiyan at last.

He nodded to Nappa before sinking down into his pod, hatch closing behind him. He keyed in the coordinates of their next destination and, once his comrade confirmed he was ready, jetted off into the cosmos once more. Though his destiny excited him, he knew he would still need to exercise patience. He couldn't afford to screw up this close. At least his time under Frieza had offered him that, his entire life spent awaiting the perfect moment to strike. What was a little bit longer?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #420

lol blaze it (i’m funny i swear)

In your opinion, which fast food place has the best fries? Without a doubt, Bojangle's. Good. Shit. Are there hurricanes where you live? Yeah, they're common here. What do you hate the most about yourself? I'd really rather not get into this right about now. What song are you listening to right now? "Beast of Gévaudan" by Powerwolf. What was your first concert? Alice Cooper. Also my only concert. What’s your favorite Johnny Depp movie? Alice In Wonderland. Who did you last say “I love you” to? My sister. Do you like pumpkin pie? Anything pumpkin-flavored is a hell no from me. Do you know anyone named Austin? Knew, rather. Do you know anyone who is having a baby? My friend recently announced she and her husband are having their second child in December. What was the last thing you cried about? Just PTSD. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? I like both, but I prefer chocolate. Do you think you are an argumentative person? Definitely not. How many deep dark secrets do you have? Two or so, idk. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings at Buffalo Wild Wings with one of the hottest sauces. Wanted to die. ... Yet I continued to get that one whenever I went for years lmao. Who last called you sexy? I don't know. Would you class yourself as a good role model? In some ways, but in a lot of other ways, no. Are you scared of the dark? No. Do you have a motto? No. Who did you last see on webcam? The doctor that overlooks my TMS progress. Do you need a haircut? I need a trim for sure. How would you react if your mother told you that she was pregnant again? Well, considering 1.) she's way past menopause and especially 2.) she's had a complete hysterectomy, y'know... that's kind of impossible. She also hasn't been with a guy in many years, so she would have to be joking. You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? -___- Would you rather exercise alone or with other people? ALONE. You will NOT see me exercise in front of other people. What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? The most involved is DEFINITELY World of Warcraft, and I guess you could consider it the hardest too, given some of the much more difficult things I've done in it. It itself isn't a hard game whatsoever, but you can pursue some really hard achievements. Ever watch the show Supernatural? If you have, then what’s your favorite episode? I used to love it, but just stopped watching eventually. My fave episode... Man, it's been too long to remember many. Probably one of the funnier ones. I remember I specifically liked the bit where they were in your everyday comedy show, as well as the one where I THINK Dean kept trying to prevent Sam from dying. I just remember the "Eye of the Tiger" bit that is pure gold. Ever heard of flavored honey? If so, what’s you’re favorite flavor? Oh, no, but that sounds good. Do you remember what your favorite show was when you were little? Yeah, Pokemon. Do you put anything besides cheese on grilled cheese sandwiches? Besides butter, which I think is pretty standard, no. When it comes to books, what do you think is the “perfect” amount of pages? Uh, I dunno. It depends on the book. I don't really care about page numbers. Would you ever be interested in going scuba diving? Yeah. Out of all of your friends/relatives, who would you say has the best vocabulary? Girt, probably. Are any of your fingers or toes deformed? What about the nails? I don't think so? When is the last time you cried? I was sobbing earlier today, fun stuff. Would you ever date somebody that has been divorced more than once? Most likely not. ESPECIALLY at my age. What are some stereotypically nerdy things that you like? Oh god. WoW, M:tG, big glasses, anime (does that count? idk really), video games... a lot of stuff, really. Have you ever attended a wedding that ended where the bride and groom didn’t actually get married? What happened? Y I K E S, no. That would be SO uncomf. What scares you the most about becoming a mother (hypothetically, if you don’t want to have children)? Actually raising it properly, physically and emotionally. Would you ever want a job in fashion? What would you enjoy about that type of job? No. Would you ever be a surrogate mother? No. What do you think would be the best and worst parts about being a twin? It'd be cool to have someone you feel an almost supernatural connection towards, but I'd also feel like I wasn't as "original" as I would be if I was born alone. Do you feel that your childhood was more rough compared to others around you? I mean it wasn't awful at all, but sure, in some ways compared to at least someone. How would you react if you found out today that you were actually adopted? Well today I'm a wreck, so don't tell me. I want to know that I wasn't lied to for 25 years. Have either of your parents ever cheated on one another before, that you know of? How would you react if you found out today that one of them cheated? I'm not entirely clear on this, but I'm 90% sure Dad cheated on Mom with his now-wife. Dad also accused Mom of cheating, but I HIGHLY doubt that's true. Do you like cleaning and organizing? Not really. How would you react if you found out you were infertile? If you don’t plan on having kids to begin with, what is a long-term goal you’d be crushed to find out was impossible to achieve? Fuck having kids. I'd be a terrible mother. So to answer the other question, I'll be pretty, pretty sad if I can't get permission to spread Teddy's ashes at Yellowstone. Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country? Well, obviously not considering my dream job is a meerkat biologist, and I'm not moving to Africa. Have you ever been robbed? No. Is anyone close to you an alcoholic? Not anymore. Dad was, but he's recovered. Have you ever dumped anyone? Yes. What kind of tea do you drink? I hate tea. Do you know anyone in a gang? No, and I hope I never do. What’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you? Risk his fucking sanity and health to try to hold my fucked up self up. What is your orientation? Gay? Straight? Metrosexual? Anything other? Bisexual. I've kinda been questioning pansexual of the late, though. I don't know. Have you ever done anything really dangerous or illegal with friends? Not to my memory. Name three feelings you’re feeling right now: Regret. Hopelessness. Loneliness. And the reasons for these feelings? Take a wild fuckin' guess. How do you feel about your life right now? It's an actual dumpster fire. Is it easy for you to like yourself? Why or why not? Fuck no. Because there's just not very much TO like about me. Even on my good days, I see flaw after flaw in myself. What subjects come naturally to you? English, some aspects of science. What subjects do not? Math, economics, politics, history... Do you read more fiction or more non-fiction books? Definitely fiction. When I read a book, I want an escape from the real world. How has today been for you? BOY HOWDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What did you do? Went to TMS therapy. Sat on the Internet. Cried. :^) Are there any candles lit in the room you’re in? No. Are there any lava lamps near you? No. I want one, though. Do you like cats or dogs better? Cats. Are any of your friends a pothead? Yes. What’s a goal you’re trying to accomplish soon? Start losing weight again. That'd be pretty goddamn grand. Are you a high maintenance person? Definitely not. The last time you yelled as loud as you could, what was the reason? I was having a nightmare. Have you ever been heartbroken? For sure. Who did that to you? First Dad, then Jason. Did you go through an ugly stage as a kid? Boy, did I. The last type of sandwich you made or ate: A pb&j. The last time you spent most of the day in bed: Literally every day. I do just about everything in bed. Pathetic, I know. The last friend or acquaintance you made: Ummmm idk. The last thing you took pictures of: A hydrangea bush. The last time you were scared: Now. The future is terrifying, my friend. The last thing you looked up online: The definition of a word to ensure I was using it correctly. The last thing you disagreed with: So I've been watching John Wolfe's old stream of him playing Alice: Madness Returns, and he went on a total soapbox about smoking being okay essentially because we're all gonna die eventually from something, and I really disagreed with it. Does your house have a separate laundry room? No, just like a closet. Do your parents still help you financially? I'm still entirely dependent on them. Does your car have a backup camera? No. Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever had a pet that lived to be really old for its breed/species? REALLY old, no. Teddy was definitely up there, but beagles have lived longer. What was the last strong scent you smelled? Lysol. Have you ever told someone to their face that they were ugly? Christ, no. Is your bed against more than one of your walls? No. Have you ever been attracted to someone’s parent? Don't think so? Have you ever pole danced before? No. Have you ever broken into someone’s house? No. Have you ever seen a live bat? Yes. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? I dunno. Have you ever taken a woodshop class? No. How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? Funny you ask, because as of today I decided to take a break from it for awhile. I've found it's nothing more than a breeding ground for envy and making me feel like a horribly incompetent adult. Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? I had one photography teacher in college that I was NOT a fan of. He was super, super hard on everyone, like to an unnecessary degree. We were students, not pros. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? No. Are your parents supportive of you? Somehow.

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

No Surrender Pt. 5

Request: hey i love your writing!! i was wondering if you could write something where the ready and bucky are in the same hydra facility and try to escape together. idk maybe that’s bad but i love your writing!!

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Summary: In the winter of 1945 Hydra captures Sargent James Barnes. After months spent unconscious, he wakes up in a cell with you and a new addition on his left side. Quickly it becomes clear that being locked up together may be the best bout of luck either of you has had in a while… Maybe together the two of you have a chance of making it out of this hell alive. Now, 69 years later the two of you are brought back together, scars and all. War changes everyone it touches but maybe, together, you can both find some kind of peace.

Warnings: Just fluff and feels. 

A/N: Well. This is the end of the line (couldn’t help myself). Thank you all for being patient with this one as it’s taken me a hot minute to circle back and wrap it up. I hope you enjoy the end of this story! 

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @wonderlandmind4 @stevehesaidabadlanguageword @buckysstar @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @siriuslycloudy2  @krugeforeveryone @jewelofwinter @get-loki @just-a-littlebit-of-everything @wildmoonflower @cutie1365

Two days later Bucky is about ready to scream.

It’s been nothing but an endless sea of paperwork and protocol—getting reestablished as, well a person—setting things up with the V.A., finances, procuring necessities like clothes and a cell phone. He was exhausted.

Steve was off helping Hill and Stark with something to do with their new plan they were calling ‘The Avengers,’ leaving Bucky blissfully alone. 

The bliss was short-lived at best. 

Alone, it was hard to shift his focus from the shadows flitting around in his mind, almost impossible to calm down his instinct to be prepared to fight at any moment. 

He finds himself wondering about you, how you’re doing, what your day to day was like, and wanting to just hear your voice. After staring at his phone and pacing for almost an hour he finally gets the gumption to call you.

It feels like the phone was ringing forever, certainly long enough for him to doubt his decision. Hell, you were likely helping Steve and the rest right now. He felt silly and more than a little useless until-

“Oui?” Your voice is cold, tentative. Of course, he’d forgotten to send you his number.

“Hey, Y/N, it’s-”

“Bucky! Is this your number now?”

He lets out a little awkward laugh, “Yeah, as of yesterday. I’m a fully functional modern American.” Functional, could he tell a bigger lie.

“Excellent. How are you?”

“Well… I’ve got some time and was wondering if that invitation was still open?” Silence hangs a little longer than he expected.

“Of course. Come on over.”

“If you’ve got other plans… I don’t wanna intrude.”

“You’re not intruding. I… Please, I’d like for you to come.” Something in your voice makes concern rise in his chest. “Do you need a ride or anything?”

“Nah, I’ve got Steve’s bike. Fifteen minutes ok?”

“Perfect.” Was that relief he heard? “I’ll see you then.”

It’s just before noon as the bike thunders onto your quiet street. Just like a few nights ago he feels like a nervous kid at the thought of seeing you. Add that to his concern he can’t shake that he’s imposing on your life—he’s a wreck. Doubt, anxiety, and a million other emotions swirl in his mind as he knocks.

They all flee when he sees you though.

He had been so used to you being a vision of poise in your well-tailored creams and whites, your vibrant lipstick, hair always exactly where you wanted it… Right now though, you remind him more of the woman he first met. Beautiful still but haunted and hurting.

The circles under your eyes are dark, lips a little too dull. Your hands tremble a touch as you gather your cardigan tight around your frame, the oversized garment covering your teeshirt and leggings.

You offer him a half-smile, “Come in.” As he follows you up the stairs the scents of coffee and cigarettes hit his nose.

“I just made a fresh pot of coffee if you’d like some,” you say once in the kitchen. Before he can respond you turn to the cabinet, taking a mug down with a shaking hand.

“Y/N?” He asks, coming up behind you, plucking the mug from your grasp and taking your hand in his. “What’s wrong?” You say nothing, your eyes cast down at the floor.

He shouldn’t be here, he knew it was a bad idea. He releases your hand, “I can go. I didn’t mean to-”

“Please don’t,” frantic, red-rimmed, eyes shoot to up, your hand suddenly grasping his tight. You look surprised by your own reaction.

He remains frozen, unsure of what to do. Well, not entirely. What he wants is to gather you in his arms, wants to breathe in the smell of your hair, kiss you until you smile… None of those things are right, he knows this, but desire doesn’t always listen to the rules. Sternly he reminds himself who you are--decidedly not his--and who he is--someone undeserving of a dame like you. 

Your tongue flits out, moistening your dry lips as you hold his gaze. “I just…” You take a tentative half step forward, closing the small space between the two of you and rest your forehead against his chest, breathing deeply.

Bucky’s heart thunders, so hard he knows you must feel it. When your hand releases his he expects you to pull away but instead your arms wrap around his torso, holding on as if you’re scared he’ll run.

It takes him longer than it should to get his arms to curl around you. He’d embraced Steve and even you briefly since being back but here, alone, this is different. It had been… shit decades since he’d held anyone or been held like this. An ache he’d been forcing down begins to rise to the surface at an alarming pace.

You turn your face to press your cheek against his pounding heart. “I don’t… I don’t want to be alone…” Your breath hitches and he holds you tighter.

“Ok… Ok,” he breathes into your hair stroking your back. The two of you stand for a bit, holding on with all your might.

“I’m sorry,” you release him, wiping a few stray tears from your eyes.

“For what?” He couldn’t fathom something you’d need to apologize for.

Turning to the coffee pot you gesture to your self, “For me. I’m… I’m just tired…”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” without thinking he cups your face with his metal hand, turning you back to him. A tear sneaks from the corner of your eye, instinctively he dashes it away with his thumb. “Here,” he takes the mug you had as well as one that must be yours as it still has a bit of coffee in it, “let me.”

“Black?” He asks as he pours, noting the lack of sugar or cream near the pot.

“Oui.”

There are papers strewn on the little breakfast nook table so he heads that direction, both mugs in hand. You sit heavily in one of the chairs, wrapping your hands around the warmth of the mug, breathing deep. He takes the spot opposite from you.

Bucky sips the coffee, it’s damn good and the silence that hangs between you two isn’t uncomfortable.

With your eyes glued on the steam rising from between your hands, he lets the details of you sink in. Silver strands wink in your hair making it seem to sparkle in the sunlight--beautiful despite its disheveled state, the lines on your face are so fine as to almost be imperceptible, freckles lightly dust your nose and cheeks, cheeks that are slightly sallow as though you haven’t been eating enough. A muscle ticks ever so slightly near your right eye, and there’s a nicotine stain on your right index and middle finger.

Your eyes rise to meet his. While your body may not show the decades of your life he can see them clearly there. He can’t help but wonder if he and Steve had, in some sick way, been luckier…

“Do you wanna talk about it?” His voice is soft. The corner of your mouth ticks up a bit but you shake you head no.

“You have your own ghosts to deal with, you don’t need to trouble yourself with mine.” Tentatively you take his hand in your own. “You being here is enough.”

Admittedly, he’s somewhat confused as to how his presence could bring anyone comfort. Hell, he could hardly be alone with himself comfortably… Still, it does feel good to know he can do this for you.

“You won’t be burdening me, Y/N. After everything, you’ve done for me… Let’s just say I have space for your ghosts too.”

Swallowing hard you take a shaky breath, averting your gaze back to your coffee. Bucky worries that he’s said the wrong thing, somehow made this worse, until after a moment you speak.

“I… I went to see Peg the morning after the party. It…” He notices your accent is more pronounced as your emotions surface. “It was not a good day for her.” Your eyes squeeze shut, “She didn’t know me.”

For a moment you just breathe, holding his hand in a death grip. “She’s the last… the last person who truly knows me knows because she lived through it all with me and… when she’s gone… I feel like a part of me will die too.”

It occurs to him at that moment, Steve must have felt something like this when Bucky didn’t know him. The thought makes something ache deep within him. Some day he’ll find a way to make that up to Steve.

You shake your head, “I’ve stared in death’s face so many times and not been afraid… but this… I’m terrified.”

Gently, he takes your other hand in his. “I know it’s not the same as living through it but… I’d-” He struggles to find the words suddenly. “Well, I’d be honored to know you, to truly know you, Y/N.”

Your eyes hold his once more, he swears there’s a little more light there than before.

The rest of the day is the best day Bucky can remember from the last 70 years. There’s no hurry, no stress, just you.

You talk about your life before the war. Growing up in Lyon with your older sister and twin brother. Days spent running through Renaissance era streets, Roman ruins, and more modern fare.

Summers spent with your mother’s parents in the Auvergne countryside. It was so similar and yet so different from his own childhood in Brooklyn. He loved watching you light up as you remember little details, things you hadn’t thought of in so long.

Every time a record ends there’s another ready to go. Leisurely, the two of you munch on cold chicken, bread, cheese, and fruit for lunch while Bucky reaches back into his fractured mind for memories of his own childhood.

He’s surprised to find that even without Steve to back him up, how talking helps him grasp things, make sense of the chaos. It’s nice even if it aches a bit to remember them, his Ma and Pa and sisters.

As the sun begins to set you both settle on the patio, whiskey and cigarettes in hand.

“You know,” you sigh out a cloud of smoke as you stare at the sunset, “I still haven’t ridden a rollercoaster.” Your head rolls, resting on the back of your deck chair, to look at him, a small smirk on your lips.

“What?!”

Your laugh rings in the quiet evening. “Surprisingly, there haven’t been many opportunities. And…” You pause as though you’re unsure of your next words, stamping out your cigarette to stall. “And, I was waiting for you.”

For a few moments, you hold one another’s gaze, unmoving, hardly breathing.

“Well,” he clears his throat breaking the connection. “I guess that’s one thing we can still do. I think the rest of my promises are a little too late to keep.”

“How so?”

“I’m sure you’ve had pizza, Brooklyn doesn’t have a baseball team anymore, and I’m pretty sure all the dance joints I knew about closed a long time ago.”

“We don’t need a joint to go dancing you know.” There’s a spark in your eye as you pick up your phone, music beginning to play from unseen speakers a moment later.

Bucky feels his mouth go dry. You hop from your chair and stand in front of him, hand extended, eyes wide and expectant.

“Dance with me.”

“I…” he averts his gaze heart suddenly racing faster than the swinging beat of the song. “I don’t know if I remember how.”

“Only one way to find out.” He glances up at you, unsure. “Haven’t you kept me waiting long enough Sergeant Barnes?”

He can’t help but smile at the playful grin lifting your lips. It had been long enough.

Taking your hand he rises. This was a fast song, he knows there’re steps involved but he can’t quite remember them. His brows knit, body frozen trying to find this buried knowledge.

“Hey,” he glances down at you. Your face a mask of understanding, “Stop thinking so much, just listen.”

Closing his eyes he focuses on nothing but the music, its fast beat, energetic dips and sways, and the feeling of your hand in his. In an instant his mind is filled with smoky clubs, the sensation of sweat dripping down his back, laughter, salt on his tongue, whiskey burning in his throat--and the dance.

It takes a couple of songs to fall into it but on the third you’re both in sync, moving to the music, dancing the Lindy, smiles huge. As the music wraps up he spins you out and rapidly back into him, pressing you close to his body.

Your head falls back and you laugh breathlessly. “And you were worried,” you tease.

“Doll, I’m just gettin’ warmed up.”

“I bet.” Suddenly your lips are on his.

Of their own volition, his hands rise to cup your face just before it registers that he cannot do this. You’re DumDum’s wife, or… widow rather but still… You’re also a good person, someone who’s spent the last seven decades fighting for the right side whereas he-

Instead of holding you closer his hands gently push you away as he steps back. He tries to ignore the surprise and hurt in your eyes, tries to deny the fluttering in his gut.

“I’m sorry I-”

“No,” he cuts you off. “I… I just… I should go.” He takes a few more steps back. “It’s… I told Steve we could do dinner and,” his words are tripping over themselves almost as fast as his heart’s beating. “Yeah, I just have to go.” He doesn’t look at you as he goes through the open patio door, can’t look at you because he’ll loose his shaky conviction.

“Bucky,” you lay a had on his shoulder as he reaches his jacket. It’s gentle but he flinches nonetheless.

“Thank you for today, it really was wonderful.” He doesn’t look back as he bolts from the warmth of your home.

Steve doesn’t ask any questions when he storms into the condo without a word, neither does he say anything for the next few days regarding Bucky’s near-total silence. He gives him space, without leaving him alone entirely. It’s a tactic Bucky remembers using with Steve back when they shared a shitty apartment and Steve was often in a mood. He appreciates it.

After waking up in a cold sweat the fourth night since his afternoon with you he paces his room for hours, feeling like a caged animal. He can’t tell if he wants to scream or cry or punch something. All he knows is that it feels like there’s a swarm of hornets in his skull and he’d give anything to make it stop.

He doesn’t know what possesses him but he suddenly goes to the desk where he’d laid the beautiful journal you’d gifted him. With a shaking hand, he touches the letters on the front—reminding himself that those are his initials, his name. Opening the journal for the first time he pauses. A letter addressed to him in your delicate script lays against the first page.

Swallowing the guilt bubbling up he opens the unsealed envelope:

Bucky,

I want this to be a place just for you so leaving an inscription seemed wrong. In my years I’ve found that, even when it hurts, putting pen to paper to account for both my sins and triumphs reminds me of who I am—who I’ve been. Use this book as confessional or time capsule (or not at all), whatever soothes you. On these pages, as with those who love you, there is no judgement—only freedom. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I hope that in time I can repay you the debt I owe.

Always,

Y/N

His eyes burn with tears. How could you think, truly think, you owed him a debt. You who’s presence drove him, helped him survive the hell he found himself in. You who never stopped looking for him. You…

With your petal soft lips, smoky voice, and gentle touch. Who was one hell of a dancer, soldier, and spy. You… who he undeniably wanted with every fiber of his being and could not allow himself to have.

Wiping away tears he refuses to let fall he fishes a few paperclips out of the office supply organizer on the desk. Carefully he aligns your letter on the first page, clipping it in place. Despite your reservations about leaving an inscription, he wanted your words here.

Initially when he thought of writing in this journal he thought he’d only put down good things, because you were one of those good things. However, as the pen hits the first page what pours from him isn’t good.

He writes until the sun brightens his window. Pages upon pages filled with horrific things… things he’d done or had been done to him. A few times he had to stop, stomach-churning from the memories. But now, as dawn chased away the shadows in his room, he felt lighter somehow.

Taking one last look at your letter he presses his lips to his fingertips and then your swirling signature before closing the journal.

Moving quietly he heads to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. The routine is soothing, clearing the remaining shadows inside of him.

When Steve gets up a little over an hour later he looks surprised to see Bucky in the living room reading a book.

“Morning,” Bucky says as Steve cocks an eyebrow.

“Morning.” He pours a cup and heads to the living room.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence Steve speaks, “You ok?”

Bucky doesn’t answer immediately. He doesn’t want to lie to Steve but his gut reaction is to play tough for him, to make everything seem better than it was. That wasn’t good for anyone though.

“A little better.” He takes a deep drink to give himself a moment more. “Not ok… but-” He shrugs, unable to find the words.

“That’s just fine, pal.” Steve takes a deep breath. “I think I’m going over to see Peggy. She’s had a good morning so far. Wanna come?”

“Are you sure?” He did want to see her. But… you may be there and he wasn’t sure how to apologize for being such an ass just yet.

“Yeah. I think…” A shadow crosses Steve’s features for an instant. “I think it would be good for her to know that you’re a secret she doesn’t have to keep anymore.”

Bucky nodded. If he could take that off of her, of both of them, he would.

A million times on the drive over he thinks to ask Steve if you’ll be there. He just can’t quite find a way to word it that doesn’t sound ridiculous or like he doesn’t want to see you—which he does, desperately.

As they pull up he swallows the question and steels his nerves. If you were here so be it. He’d deal with his jackassery like a man.  

Steve doesn’t knock, just opens the door and leads them into a townhome similar to yours. 

They head up to the main level. Things were slightly less open than your place, it hadn’t been updated for a decade or so. There were more personal touches in this space, however. He notes family photos on the walls, some framed children’s drawings, and pauses--it hadn’t occurred to him that Peggy had kids, a husband, a family.

“You comin’?” Steve goads at the base of another staircase. Bucky nods following him up.

A nurse reclines on the sofa in the small open sitting area at the top of the stairs. She smiles upon seeing Steve.

“Captain Rodgers,” her eyes widen a bit when they notice Bucky but she says nothing. “Miss Y/N is in there, she’s still having an excellent day.”

“Thanks, Amanda.”

The men head down the hall and your laugh rings out of an open door making Bucky’s heart lodge in his throat.

“I’ll be right back Peg.” You head out of the room to meet them looking polished and vibrant, so different from when he left you.

Bucky expects scorn but you, of course, offer him nothing but a gentle smile.

“I’m so glad you could come.” Your voice drops, “Steve, you and I should tell her we have a surprise and then you can come in Bucky.”

“Sounds good,” Steve smiles at him. All Bucky can do is nod before the two of them head back into the room.

He’s not sure he’s ready for this. In his mind Peggy is young, vibrant, overflowing with moxie… But as soon as Steve’s golden head swings out of the door waving for Bucky to come in he knows he has to find a way to handle it. For them. For all of them. With a deep breath, he wills one foot in front of the other.

“What on earth are you two up-” Peggy says as Bucky enters the room. She stops, a shaky hand catching the gasp falling from her lips.

She looks smaller, her hair white, but her eyes glint with a fire that is still distinctly Peggy Carter. Bucky can’t help but smile.

“James,” she was the only one who called him by his first name. “It… is it really…”

“Hey Peggy,” he says softly, reaching his right hand out to take her fragile extended one. He keeps his left hand tucked firmly in his pocket.

Her gaze shoots to Steve and then to you, “You did it.”

You shake your head, “Not exactly. But, he’s home.” Bucky feels your gaze on him but is unable to meet your eyes.

“We’ll give you two a minute,” Steve says leading you from the room.

For a moment Bucky stands awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

“You look awkward with your hand shoved in your pocket like that, James.” His cheeks burn a bit. She laughs, eyes sparkling. “Come sit,” she gestures to the chair by her bed.

Slowly he takes his hand out and does as she requests. She reaches for it and he obliges. Tenderly Peggy studies it, running her frail fingers over the joints.

“Y/N told us what they did,” she gives his hand a squeeze with more strength than he expected. “I’m so sorry we never-”

“Don’t.” Peggy looks at him, a tear threatening to fall. “Y/N said the same thing. Knowing you all looked, that you tried, that’s enough Peggy. You did all you could.”

“Did we?” She looks into the middle distance for a moment, seeming to struggle with something. “Regardless, here you are and I get to finally thank you.”

“For what?”

“Because of you, I met, Y/N. Without her, I don’t know where I’d be but I doubt it would be anyplace good. She’d disagree, of course, but she has kept me going many times.”

Bucky can’t help but smile, “She has that effect doesn’t she?”

“Indomitable, that’s how Howard described her. Never to her face, of course,” she laughs a little. “He’d be damned if he ever got caught saying something ni-” Bucky takes a ragged breath and Peggy stops.

Stark had been in his dream the night before… What he’d done.

“Look at me,” Peggy says, voice stern. He does. “What happened was not your fault. Do you understand me?”

Bucky blinks in shock, “You… you know?”

She nods, “So does she, Steve too I would think.” He must look as terrified as he feels because Peggy grabs his hands in hers.

“We tracked you. From the moment there were whispers of a man with a metal arm… but we were always three steps behind. There were times she was close to finding you…” Peggy pauses, gathering herself.

“If you’re scared that she doesn’t know, hasn’t known all along, the things that…” He nods not wanting her to continue. “Well, don’t be.

“We’ve all done things, James. Terrible things that haunt us, things we’ll take to the grave.” She tucks a strand of his hair back in place. “But we did them of our own volition. In a way, your hands are cleaner than any of ours.” He snorts an empty laugh, unbelieving.

“You know,” her tone was lighter as she takes him in, “you were always the one that got away for her.”

“What d’you mean?”

A smile fills Peggy’s face. “She loved Dugan, truly, but you were always the ‘what if’ that never got to be. Just as Steve…” her voice cracks a touch. Bucky squeezes her hand. “A lot of us had those what-ifs back then. You move forward and build your life, a good life, with what is there but it doesn’t mean you stop wondering… stop wanting.”

“I… She deserves more than me, Peggy.” Bucky’s head spins a bit. How could she know?

“Shush. Both of you have a second chance, something so many of us would have given anything for, don’t you dare waste it because you’re afraid.”

He manages a nod, barely able to keep the tears at bay.

The two of them talk for a bit. He tells her how he met her niece, how much she helped, and Peggy gushes about how proud she is of her. She tells him about her family, how it had been to see Steve again. It feels like only a few seconds before there’s a gentle knock at the door.

“Mind if I pop in?” Steve asks, beaming at the two of them.

“Of course not,” Bucky stands, giving Peggy’s hand a gentle pat. “You two chat.” Her frail hand wraps around his before he can step away.

“Don’t forget what I said, James.” That fire burns in her gaze and he nods, knowing better than to ever argue with Peggy Carter when she has that look.

The nurse isn’t in the seating area but he can hear someone downstairs. Through the sliding glass door, he sees you leaning on the balcony railing. Before you can notice him he positions himself in such a way that he can still take you in without being seen.

You have one arm across your chest, the other leisurely brings your lit cigarette to your lips. After a deep inhale you puff a perfect ring into the air, grinning with self-satisfaction. Bucky can’t help but smile too—he’s not sure he’s ever seen you quite like this, so relaxed.

Howard had been right when he’d called you indomitable.

Despite the way his breath catches in his throat he moves into your line of sight. Despite the riot of his heart against his ribs, he opens the door. Finally, despite the weight of self-loathing resting on his soul, despite his past, despite everything… he cups your face in his hands without a word and kisses you deeply.

Immediately, you melt into him. If he’s being honest with himself he expected you to pull away, push him off, reject him—but no.

Every nerve ending sings. His fingers tangle in your hair. Your tongue flits out teasing him. The world falls away until two soft laughs from inside make you both freeze.

“I do love it when people listen to me without argument,” Peggy says with a laugh.

Bucky looks at you, cheeks almost as red as your lips but your smile is so bright he knows you’re not the least bit ashamed.

“Though I didn’t expect you to take my advice so soon, James.” Bucky turns, grasping your hand in his, to face Peggy and Steve.

“Wasted enough time,” he says smiling down at you.

“I should have known you’d stick your nose into this, Peg,” your tone one of false annoyance.

Peggy laughs as Steve pushes her onto the balcony. “That’s what you get for having spies for friends, my darling.”

The four of you spend the better part of the next two hours in easy conversation as music plays from the small speakers in your cell phone. Mainly the guys listen to you two tell stories of your time in the field together, memories of your mutual friends, putting pins in some of the time he and Steve missed.

Peggy bobs her head along to a song that’s just kicked up. “It’s too bad we couldn’t all have gone dancing together. We’d have turned heads.” Steve gives her a sad smile as she looks at you.

“Well,” Bucky says with a twinge of mischief, “someone told me the other day that you don’t need a joint to go dancing. I bet we could figure something out.” He tugs you out of your chair, “Come on.”

“What’re you up to?” You say with a laugh.

“You’ll see. We’ll come get you two in a minute.”

Without further explanation, you follow him downstairs. When he and Steve had gotten in earlier he saw a sitting room on the second floor with a record player. It would be perfect.

“Help me push this furniture out of the way will ya doll?” Turning to you he flashes a bright smile. Your eyes glitter as you nod.

It doesn’t even take ten minutes to get the space suitable. He even fixes the lighting to give it a dim feel while you pick an album you know Peggy will love and start it playing.

“Will you go get ‘em?” He’s almost giddy—it’s such a foreign feeling but he’s glad for it.

Peggy’s giggles trickle down as Steve carries her down the stairs, insisting all the while she can walk and demanding to know what they’re up to.

As they come into view Bucky spreads his arms wide, “Welcome to your own private dance. Best part is, you’re in full control of the music.”

“Bucky!” Peggy exclaims as Steve sets her on wobbly legs. “Oh, this is wonderful!”

The opening notes to a song Bucky just barely remembers hearing before kick up.

“I think I owe you a dance,” Steve says taking her hands.

“You’re damn right you do, Captain Rogers.”

You and Bucky hang back for a minute as Peggy and Steve begin a slow, tender, movement in the cleared makeshift dance floor. When Bucky looks down at you a tear finds its way down your cheek.

He immediately wipes it away with a cool metal finger. You catch his gaze, your own filled with joy and a little sadness.

“May I?” He holds out his hand much as Steve had a moment before to Peggy.

“I suppose, Sergent Barnes.”

Bucky pulls you close. As the singers croon “It’s been a long, long time” he can’t help but note how perfect it is for all of you.

There was so much loss, so much pain, but Peggy was right. Here, in the circle of his arms was his second chance at a life. 

Looking up into his eyes you whisper the lyrics, “You'll never know how many dreams I dreamed about you.”

He stops your dance, takes your face in his hands, and plants a quick tender kiss on your lips. 

Looking down into your eyes he’s overcome with excitement, and terror, and happiness as he realizes that you were worth the wait, worth the fight--but he didn’t have to fight this, not anymore. To you, to this feeling, he could surrender. 

[goldencherrymooon]

Return the Favor

a/n: hi so this is smut! i’ve never formally written it before so i’m actually very nervous to post this so pls be gentle with me. and if i tagged you and you don’t want me to, please tell me! idk what i’m doing! i’m new and lil nervous so like. here i am! (also this wasn’t edited by anyone else so let me know if i missed something) ok enjoy!

You could feel it lurking underneath your skin as soon as you woke up. You were in a very particular mood that only Calum could get you through.

Of course, he was gone before you had woken up for the day, and wouldn’t be back until evening time, having to do promo work for the band. It was a long and busy day, so you knew you probably wouldn’t hear too much out of him anyway, leaving you to sit at home and try to ignore this feeling pressing on every ounce of your being.

You weren’t sure what brought these moods on; they didn’t happen too often, and it always felt random. It could be the relief of having Calum back home after so long, knowing that you can get to him nearly 24/7, not having to settle for texts and phone calls.

The day was just going to drag on until he got home, knowing nothing you do would truly take your mind off of it. You’re cuddling with Duke on the couch as you text Calum with a pout, saying, “Excuse me, but where was my goodbye kiss this morning? That just ruined the whole day :(”

He texts back quickly, “Sorry angel, didn’t want to wake you. You were exhausted after last night, so I let you rest ;),” making you roll your eyes with a soft laugh.

You decide to tease him a little bit with your next message, “Well that’s too bad, could’ve helped you start the day off right…”

Calum has to take a deep breath at that, already knowing where you’re trying to go with it. He’s about to step into another interview with the boys, he can’t even start to think about you like that if he wants to make it through. “Baby, please don’t tease me, that’s not fair :(“

You’re giggling with his response, deciding to take it easy on him, knowing what you have planned when he gets home will be just enough. “Sorry bub, can’t help it sometimes. Saw some pictures, you look so hot today, honestly. I’ll see you tonight. Xoxo.” Knowing that text still will do him in, you have to walk away from your phone to distract yourself until he makes it home.

-

It’s just after seven when Calum makes it home. He’s walking in from the garage as you come around the corner, immediately making your way towards him. You’re only in panties and one of his sweatshirts, having stayed home today. He sighs with a small smile as you come closer, wrapping his arms around your waist when you cling to his neck. “Hi handsome, missed you today,” you murmur before you give him a kiss. It’s quick, but just enough for Calum to catch on, as you capture his bottom lip between both of yours. You draw back slowly, fluttering your eyes open as his do too.

“Know you did, baby. Had me thinking ‘bout you all day, ready to get home to you,” he says with a low and raspy voice, just a tinge of lust to it. His hands make their way down your back slowly, before getting just where he wants to grab onto your ass with a firm grip. You bite your lip as you look at him, seeing the hunger for you in his gaze instantly making your panties damp. Pulling him closer to you, you feel the bulge that’s growing in his pants, whining out a small sound as you start to get desperate.

“I’m sorry baby, I just really needed you today. ‘ve been dying to get my hands on you,” you whisper with a pout, trying to inch the two of you back to the couch.

“Yeah? What’d you have in mind, angel?” he says as he starts making his way down the left side of your neck with wet, sucking kisses.

“Wanna suck you off. Please,” you pant out, making him freeze before his head pops up. It caught him off guard, because he was expecting you to be begging for his mouth before he fucked you. He was already thinking about getting to lick you out until you screamed, but his cock twitched in his pants at your request.

“Fuck, yeah baby, ‘course you can. Always love your mouth on my cock,” he praises as he all but drags you to the couch, not even pretending that he’s not desperate for this.

He pulls you into a hot, demanding kiss with his hand behind your head, groaning as he gets your mouth on his. With the sudden action, it caused you to gasp, giving Calum to perfect opportunity to glide his tongue along yours. Your hands are clawing down his firm back as he kisses you, the only sounds in the room being your harsh breathing and the wet, smacking sounds of your kisses. One hand makes its way to his tummy, trailing down until you can palm him in his jeans.

He breaks off the kiss as soon as you do, letting out a low moan as you rub on his cock, feeling him get impossibly harder. It’s your turn to plant dirty kisses down his jawline to his neck, before you inch back up to his ear to say, “Gonna let me play with your cock, babe?” You bite onto his earlobe with smile as he releases a deep moan, before you start pushing his leather jacket off of his broad shoulders.

Calum is completely entranced by you, and incredibly turned on with how you went from begging to mocking so quickly, knowing just what you do to him. He hastily throws his jacket somewhere to the side before he helps you get his shirt off, doing anything to hurry this up. Your hands trail down his chest and stomach again before you get to his pants, undoing his belt buckle as you make your way back to his lips.

“Been thinkin’ about getting your cock in my mouth all day, wanna make you feel so good, Cal,” you say with a smirk on your face as you pull of his belt and he’s already moving to help you get his pants off.

You crouch down to your knees, pulling his pants down his legs quickly. It’s when you see the small wet patch on his briefs that you really start to speed it up, desperate to get your mouth on him. With his underwear pulled off next, his cock is out and ready. The tip is already a deep red, the smallest drops of pre cum dribbling out. Letting out a small moan under your breath, you push him to sit on the couch as you crawl to be between his knees. He’s breathing hard as he watches you slide your hands up his thighs, before one moving down to lightly cup his balls, already feeling the ache in them.

Calum lets out a raspy whine before he says, “Angel, please- please don’t make me beg, put me in your mouth baby,” watching you scoot a little bit closer. You don’t say anything; just look him right in the eyes as you lick a firm stripe up his length, before you suck his tip into your mouth. He moans, deflating into the couch as he gasps, “Fuck baby, yes, that’s it.”

Wrapping your right hand around the base, you keep your eyes on him as you start inching your way down. Slowly swiping your tongue over a prominent vein, you feel nothing but content as you taste the slightly salty drops of his pre cum, knowing this was what you needed today. Calum’s eyebrows furrow as his mouth drops open with a silent moan, letting out a harsh breath before his head falls back. Your lips meet your hand, causing you to slowly pull up to his tip, pausing to swirl your tongue around him again before taking him all the way back in. A moan from deep inside his chest comes out at the feeling of your warm and wet mouth finally taking him in, already having to stop him from thrusting himself into it.

You’re taking your time with him, sucking on his cock like a lollipop, with your eyes closed and a dreamy sort of breath coming through your nose. Slowly bobbing your head on him, you pull off for a breath and let your hand do slow pulls on his cock. Calum cracks his eyes open just in time to see you let your spit slowly drip over his cock, your hand using it to get his cock wet and smooth at the parts your mouth doesn’t reach.

His right hand makes its’ way back into your hair, holding it tight as he groans, “You’re so fucking good to me, princess. It’s like your mouth was made to suck me off, shit.” You let out a giggle before sponging soft kisses up the left side of him, letting your thumb rub over the slit on his tip, causing more pre cum to bubble out. His fist clenches in your hair as he moans loudly, his back arching just a bit from the couch with the feeling. With your hand still wrapped around his base, you take him in, before pushing yourself for more. Your eyes are watering as you get almost all of him down, before you give a small gag on his cock.

Pulling back up and off, a few lines of spit connecting your lips to his tip, before you go back down. Calum is fidgeting all over the couch, letting out continuous whines and moans as he feels his orgasm approaching. The room is filled with the wet sounds of you on his cock, and his desperate pleas to you. The heat pools at his core, a slight tingle in his lower back, and the near painful throbbing of his balls is suddenly rushing forward as he chokes out, “Fuck, baby, fuck ‘m gonna cum, fuckfuckfuck ‘m gonna cum angel.”

Hearing this only spurs you on, moving your mouth and fist faster on his cock, letting out a small moan as your left hand makes its’ way to the front of your panties. You know you’re damn near soaking them at this point, slowly circling your clit over the fabric as you finish him off. Cal has both hands in your hair now, small thrusts of his hips as the rest of him tenses up. He tries to speak again, choking out, “Yes! Fuck, yes baby, don’t stop please don’t stop- oh shit-“ before it hits.

Calum feels the white-hot ecstasy shoot through his veins as his orgasm hits him, going silent before he lets out a long, loud moan at his release. He wanted to watch you, he really did, but he couldn’t stop his head from flying back or his eyes clenching shut. His chest is heaving and his hips are thrusting up as he lets it take over, shooting his hot and sticky cum down your throat. You’re moaning as he does, swallowing him down as your right hand keeps tugging on his spent cock, trying to get everything you can.

It’s when he pulls his head back up that he sees your left hand moving, pushing himself forward just enough to see you rubbing your clit frantically. His eyes practically roll back at the sight, pulling your mouth from his cock before trying to switch your places. Grabbing on to your upper arms, he pulls you up and tosses you on to the couch next to him, smirking when you squeal at the sudden movement.

“Baby, you think I’m gonna just let you play with yourself after you took care of me like that?” Calum mumbles with a smirk before he kisses you. It’s a hard kiss, one with a force so strong that it could bruise your lips; deep inhales through the nose, groaning because you just can’t get close enough to each other. Wet, smacking sounds fill the room as his tongue slips into your mouth, groaning when he can taste himself on you.

“I just- wanted to treat you, oh fuck, wanted to make it about you today.”

“And what would make it even better is letting me lick your sweet pussy ‘til you stop me.”

With that, Calum works fast to get off your sweatshirt, kissing his way down your body. He peeks back up at you as he kisses around your right nipple before he sucks it between his lips, swirling his tongue around the peak as he pinches and pulls on your left. You’ve got a hand laced into his hair, holding him to your chest as you cry out for him.

“God I fucking love your mouth,” you pant out as he kisses his way across your chest, hiding his laugh in your chest.

His hands slide up the outside of your thighs, snapping the hem of your panties before he starts pulling them down your legs. Releasing your nipple with a soft ‘pop’ sound, he pulls back just far enough to get the fabric off of you and fling it behind him. Calum pulls your legs apart, slowly kissing his way up from your left ankle to your inner thighs. You whine as he hovers over where you need him most, kissing just above your clit, knowing exactly what he’s doing with the soft kisses, before he pulls back quickly to your right ankle.

“Calum! Baby please don’t tease me, please, I-I need you.”

“‘M sorry princess, just can’t help myself.”

Usually, he would take the time to kiss all over and around your soft mound. Usually, he would start out slow, taking his time to enjoy you and watch you squirm. But today, he just doesn’t seem to have the patience.

You choke on a gasp when Calum decides to just dive right in, using his index and middle finger to spread your lips open before he gives a firm stroke of his tongue on your pussy. Immediately, you’ve got one hand holding his hear and the other clinging to the pillow behind you, and your legs are draped over his shoulders. You’re both moaning as Calum keeps giving those wide, firm strokes of his tongue.

He has to keep one arm looped around your thigh to hold your legs open, pulling back for a quick breath and to admire you in the process. “You’re so wet for me, angel. Were you savin’ this for me all day? Waitin’ on me to come home and eat you for a while? ‘M thinkin’ you were, baby. Drippin’ all over for me.” Calum is nearly panting at the end of it, a deep moan coming from his chest before he gives you quick, hard licks.

“Oh my god, oh my- fuck baby, please,” you’re moaning out, your hips moving with his mouth so you don’t lose him for even a second. He’s still got two fingers keeping your pussy open for him, giving him access to press his tongue firmly against your sopping entrance. It’s got his nose pressed up to your clit, but he doesn’t care. He would gladly drown in you.

He’s still trying to pull you to his face, just needing moremoremore, his head moving from side to side to get deeper. Your legs are twitching on the sides of Calum’s head, letting out pitiful squeals from what his mouth is doing. When he finally pulls back just enough to breathe, he licks up to your clit and suddenly is puckering his lips around it in strong pulls. It’s when he does that, that he thrusts one finger into you, easily jumping to two fingers when he feels how wet you are.

You let out a moan from deep within your chest, clenching down hard on his fingers. Calum started with slow thrusts of his fingers and quick flicks of his tongue. His fingers curl up towards the front wall, middle finger just barely catching that sweet spot. He moans with you at that, speeding up to keep hitting that spot, the wet sounds of his thrusts getting louder.

Your squeals and moans are nonstop, knowing that this orgasm will be stronger than what you’re ready for. Your legs are twitching, your fists are clenched in his hair, hips thrusting up into his mouth.

“Cal- Calum! Fuck, fuck oh my god, fuck! B-baby, I’m-“ you break to shout out, before continuing, “’m gonna cum baby please don’t stop!” He pulls off for less than 2 seconds (but it could’ve been five minutes to you) to say something that finishes you off.

“C’mon princess, think you’re gonna squirt for me. Give it to me.”

That does it, your mouth dropping open with a silent moan before you’re nearly screaming his name. You feel everything and nothing, eyes shut so tight all you see is white.

You don’t even notice that Calum pulled his fingers out right as your orgasm hit you, wrapping both arms under and around your thighs to hold your pussy tight to his mouth. You don’t realize that you’re moving so much, he has no choice but to move with you, because he refuses to let you go until he’s got every drop he can. And you’re definitely too far gone to care about the gush of wetness dripping all over Calum’s face, making a mess of the both of you.

Calum could not be more pleased with himself, licking and sucking all over your slit before you have to push him off, the sensitivity hitting you faster than usual. He cleans you up with small laps of his tongue, from bottom to top and all around, before kissing his way back up your body. Your chest is heaving with your breaths, pulling him in for a kiss and tasting yourself on his tongue.

“Thank you baby,” you mumble through your kisses. He smiles into it before he pulls back to look at you, returning the sentiment.

“Wanna explain to me where that came from, angel? Not that I don’t love it, but…” You giggle as you lean into him.

“I dunno. Maybe you can take me to the bedroom and help me figure it out.”

Calum was so glad to be home.

tags: @myloverboyash @flannelpunkcalum @irwinkitten @millioncth @softforcal @caffeinatedcalum

ok im nervous bye!!!!!

[codenamesazanka]

What are your top ten Shigaraki ships (and if you've got time for it: why)?

Oh man! idk if I have enough - if there even is enough - Shigaraki ships (in the traditional romantic sense) to fill ten. Plus I hadn’t ship Shigaraki much with anyone because it wasn’t until recently that he got all this screentime and developing relationships with other characters. 

But going with interesting dynamics and relationships of all types, platonic or romantic or enemy or cautionary or imaginary/fanon (because I’m a sucker for my own imagined potential of a relationship) or canon(ish), and which ones intrigues/affects/impacts me the most? and then ranking them??? impossible hmm

(using the names and honorifics the characters call Shigaraki for some variation and also because I’m a weeb) (also ranking is suspect because I’m bad at making decisions)

10. Shigaraki and Bakugou

I didn’t actually like Bakugou until his Remedial Course mini-arc, and so didn’t pay attention to him much. So I was surprised when Shigaraki wanted Bakugou for his League. It wasn’t until I understood Shigaraki much better and finally took the effort to consider Bakugou’s side of things that I found myself wishing they had more interaction during his kidnapping. Because here was Shigaraki going 110% to woo Bakugou into joining him, he had honestly thought the boy would make a good Villain. And there was Bakugou who was adamant about being a Hero despite not being very Heroic. We could’ve had a great look (if Bakugou ever talked) into Heroes and Villains and motivations and more stuff about how they’re two sides of the same coin… or so I wish, making this a purely speculation about a battle of ideas and these two enemies coming to a grudging respect. But that’s all over now. 

9. Shigaraki and Twice

Shigaraki took off Twice’s mask to shut him up (sorta), then put it back on for him! If that isn’t the most warmhearted mean thing to do. Twice is very much invested in the League and I wanna see Shigaraki appreciating that. Is Twice the first member to get to touch Shigaraki’s hands? To measure them for a clone? Very big deal. Not a very intense dynamic, but good fun downtime Villain Out Shopping fluff. 

8. Shigaraki and Mr. Compress

Gotta say it’s @happojin’s ficlet about these two scheming over personal revenge on Overhaul that got me intrigued in this no-ideology partnership-in-pure-villainy. Mr. Compress is the exact type of chaos-loving dramatic criminal that’s right up his boss’ alley, though I can see too much of it getting onto Shigaraki’s nerves - which makes for good, mischievous conflict. These two would blow up buildings purely for fun and I wanna see that joy on their faces. But also! Not yet knowing the reason for Mr. Compress join the League makes for great speculation - like maybe he’s just enamored with Shigaraki’s spirit and youth (that makes him feel young himself???) that he’ll be okay with losing an arm and poverty and getting kicked around by a giant naked mountain man for a month. We see Mr. Compress with Shigaraki in chapter 114, calling Toga (for Shigaraki?) and I want to think it’s Mr. Compress fancying himself as Shigaraki’s (all) right hand man. 

7. Doctor and Shigaraki

The Doctor is creepy and I’m iffy about him cuz, well, he’s creepy but he sure is making the plot move forward and now he’s the guy who will be giving the League zany inventions like some episodic comedic cartoon. If it wasn’t so horrifying that they’re Noumus. But mostly, this is a guy who knew Shigaraki from childhood, who preserved (and maintained???) the hands, who Shigaraki is familiar with but also knows nothing about. What stories can you tell us about Shigaraki, Doc? I wanna know. I’m scared, but I wanna know.

6. Giran and Shigaraki-san

How long have they known each other??? (Consider - middle-aged seen-his-shit-in-the-underworld-and-now-respected-broker Giran having to be polite to a sulky teenaged Shigaraki and needing to address him as ‘san’ - idk, maybe I’m getting the nuance there wrong but… hilarity) What other dealings have they done? Giran sure is a champ to lose five fingers for Shigaraki and the League - is the League his best customer? Did Shigaraki ‘inherit’ the use of the broker from AFO? Has Giran met AFO? I guess this is just me wanting to know more about Giran, and Shigaraki is the proxy for that. But I wanna know! I wanna see them interact when Shigaraki rescues Giran. 

5. All Might and Shigaraki(Shimura Tenko)

I love my Shimura Tenko gets a father figure in All Might AUs! I’m writing one lol. But I acknowledge this is less about the characters themselves and more about the exploration of a legacy that ties them together. Cuz I love that shit. I love the idea of All Might being such a loyal disciple that he would do anything for the grandson of Nana - except it’s just that, he’s only chasing after a reminder of Nana. What would he do with Shigaraki/Tenko himself? And I love the idea of Shigaraki/Tenko deciding how to incorporate the tale of the sordid Shimura family into his life - if he chooses to do so at all. Lots of family/identity drama. Also completely in headcanon territory. Ah well.

4. Toga and Tomura-kun

The recent chapters have really up my interest in the friendship/siblinghood/whatever admiration Toga has for Shigaraki. She calls him Tomura-kun, which yes it’s expected of her as a cute high schooler; but no one else has ever called Shigaraki just his first name besides AFO. And Shigaraki seems to have a soft spot for her? He’s been very nice to all of the League, but for someone who immediately hated her at first sight cuz she was a ‘brat’ who didn’t make any sense, that’s the biggest attitude change. Right now, they’re confirmed to be the youngest and closest in age of the League, and I like the idea of them being able to be ‘young people these days’ together and relate to one another. Toga is very loyal to Shigaraki, but not above stabbing him should he be a jerk. Like with Twice, I wanna see Shigaraki be appreciative, or rather, I wanna see another scene where he’s really nice to her (the first one being, of course, that Overhaul arc flashback). 

Also they were in an omake drama CD being silly and if that isn’t the best thing.

3. Kurogiri and Shigaraki Tomura

Hmmm I’m lazy and I already planned a whole post dedicated to analyzing their relationship, so I’m gonna skip this. I’ll edit with the link to that post later!

2. Shigaraki and Spinner! In danger of being an OTP for me, which isn’t hard cuz I don’t have any other

The only romantic relationship on this list. Spinaraki. Like I said before, though Shigaraki was really the only option after Stain, Spinner was so clearly ready to believe in Shigaraki, to follow him, because he wanted the League to change the world. That’s a lot of faith put onto someone who is Shigaraki (I mean, look at him, he’s a skinny NEET goth), so much so Spinner, implied to have not been a criminal before joining the League, is ready to kill (and does). That’s intriguing enough, and then comes his month long observation diary about his leader. Who he still stays with after knowing Shigaraki’s very-not-Stain-like-nor-revolutionary plans. And now we wait for the climax of his journey of wavering loyalty. True, a lot of it is my own hyped-up imagination but I’m enjoying it. If Spinner stays and become Shigaraki’s most loyal follower, that is so my shit I’m going to die. I’m gonna die anyways whenever they interact in the near future chapters. 

1. All For One and Tomura

What is there to say about…. this? It haunts me. It’s number one on this list cuz it’s the dynamic that I think about most, has impacted me most (Chapter 222 was a lot to handle), and it’s like trying to untangle thorny vines. Gotta say, in my intepretation, it’s a very accurate portrayal - from Shigaraki’s side - of caring about someone who has hurt you a lot, and you know it. But it’s the person you knew best and depended on when there was no one else, and you’re always going to have their influence - of which includes positive things. It’s one of the very few portrayal that gets all the paradoxical messy details while being explicitly clear to the reader it’s wrong, Shigaraki doesn’t deserve this. It’s also clear that while AFO may have affection for people, that doesn’t matter. He’s a monster. Still wrong, and cruel. And I think that’s important to show, important to depict and an important message told well. Now all that’s left is to wait to see what Shigaraki will do now and how this bond will break. 

This to be absolutely clear, this isn’t a ‘ship’, it’s a portrayal of an abused child solider that is now flourishing away from his guardian and I’m hopeful for the future. And it’s so poignant to me, that a story is tackling this. Gets it. Its a dynamic I’m invested in because it’s a story of survival and I will see it through.

-

Honorable mentions? I wanna see Shigaraki and Hawks. That should be interesting. 

I used to like ShigaDabi, but mostly because it was available. I’ve got no opinions about it now. :/

-

Thanks for reading!

[thenixkat]

Animorphs notes 5

Book 5

Narrated by Marco

Marco plays around with the opening spiel

What the fuck Marco, groceries from a 7-11? Where the fuck is Child services?

Marco tries to fuckin talk himself out of some superhero shit, fails and saves an old man from some thieves with morphing

...Marco may have killed one of the punks by either breaking his ribs or spine with that hit

Old man apparently doesn’t know what a fucking gorilla is and threatens to shoot Marco. Ungrateful old man

Jake apparently would rather Marco helped the old man in human form.

Marco’s done the best so far to not make a huge singular info dump in his opening

I still don’t understand when Jake b/c in charge? Like all these kids are fucking dumbasses but it seemed like Rachel was doing better at the taking charge thing.

No, Cassie is legit a manipulator Marco, demonstrated that in the last few books

I don’t know if its the original writing or the person transfering shit to bootleg ebook, but Black should be capitalized in reference to a person

Applegate has a fierce birds of prey fetish

Marco uses humor to hide his fear

Rachel would make a better superhero than Marco

Marco is good at math

I’m pretty sure folks that fight for honor don’t do a lot of actual face to face fighting.

Ax has never been anywhere near an actual fight. This bitch is just parroting propaganda

Marco calls out Ax’s shit

It takes Ax 3 mins to finish a morph, Cassie about 2 mins.

Its weird when people say animals and birds, like birds aren’t animals. Its mammal default language

The entire concept that they can morph clothes defeats the idea that morphing is solely based on dna.

I have a feeling that these kids could probably morph those really thin , flexible show things or even socks.

Marco, humans ARE animals.

Ax needs lessons on how to human properly

Ax can’t control his morph

Ax is also a fucking dumbass

Zero space, a non-reality? So, its imaginary? Ok.

Faster than the speed of light is impossible, but it's doable in an imaginary reality. Sounds legit

Ax his proven himself to be the biggest dumbass on the team. He fucking stole Jake’s spot.

Ok but like I’m pretty sure that mall cop controller would remember the face of the kid who turned into an andalite.

Also how many witnesses either got killed or made into controllers from this incident?

How the fuck do the cops and mall cops don’t recognize Jake and Marco’s faces too after this?

See shit like this is why I’m leaning more on mind stuff being more important in morphing

Marco advocates that the lady release the lobsters she bought into a habitat they likely don’t belong to

And these kids are lucky if that lady never gets made into a controller

Marco has a nightmare about the lobster thing

Tobias’ life would not be as hard if he weren’t the kinda dumbass who chooses to live as a wild animal

So the ship cloaking devices just kinda bend radar and shit into an unreal reality. Sounds legit

The kids are gonna steal a z-space transponder from Iniss 226

Rachel is not for plans that endanger people she cares about

Ax owns up to his fuck up

Jake is not comfortable with all the vore he’s done. Jake tries to explain that eating bits of Rachel was not that bad

Also, ants and fleas are nothing alike. That’s like saying that oxpeckers and naked mole rats should handle the same since they’re both small vertebrates

And its almost the 2 yr anniversary on Marco’s mom’s death  

Marco’s conscience gets the better of him again

….Did ….did Cassie forget that ants are highly territorial and kill ants that aren’t related to them?

The house next to Chapman’s is empty

Cassie tried to morph from one animal to another and that failed, so no one else tries to do it. But like I’m remembering that book where Marco stress morphed hybrid animals and I’m wonder could he morph from one morph straight to another if he put his mind to it?

Hive minds are not a thing. EVery insect in a hive is its own individual.

Jumping spiders would probably have been a better morph is only b/c they’ve got good eye sight

Ants tend to be almost all female

Marco uses the yeerk computer and Ax reads Iniss 226’s emails

Everyone almost dies to ants, but they did get the transponder.

If they brought Melissa into the fold do you think she coulda gotten it for them? Or just got them in and out without the near death experience

Seriously its been almost two years and Marco’s pretty much taking care of his dad. That’s not ok.

These kids are not alright with getting dismembered. Rachel in particular gets in a fight with another girl named Jessica who outweighs her by probably 50 lbs and thinks she’s tough.

And Marco gets a black eye intervening

Marco and Rachel talk, these kids def do not have a solid read on eachother but Rachel appreciates Marco’s jokes\

Tobias comes up with an area for them to enact their plan, an abandoned quarry an hours flight from Cassie’s place

Marco has decided to quit the team, this is his last mission. So somethings probably gonna happen to keep him on the team by the end of the book’

He has nearly died more than the others

Ax’s bird is a harrier

Again at what angle is Tobias flying at to hit a hork-bajir’s eyes and avoid the blades on their head?

Oh hey! Their trap got turned into a trap for them

Ax’s info was outdated and got them captured

Visser 3 wants to know why the andalite bandits have a fucking child with them.

Made the planet over in our image, huh.

...the fuck was that Cassie? Why the absolute fuck would the yeerks let morph capable humans go?

The andalite homeworld has less ocean and more grasslands

Visser 3’s forces have red and black uniforms...in space. While Visser 1’s are gold and black

What a coincidence! Marco’s dead mom is controlled by Visser 1 and thus he has a reason to stay in the fight

Ax, shut the fuck up.

And Visser 3, apparently likes being the only yeerk who can morph and killing these potential hosts would be a very bad move for the empire ya dingus

Uhhh, huh I guess that would be rape by deception if Visser 1 fucked Marco’s dad

So it’s andalite culture to just give up in a tough situation. Idk, makes sense with the ritual suicide thing.

SO why dies that hork-bajir controller speak such fluent English? Why is their hork-bajir host so big?

Also Visser 1 decides that sabotaging the war effort is ok to embarrass Visser 3. Visser 1 is a shit leader

The kids escape and Marco doesn’t want Jake to tell anyone about his mom

Marco’s dad finally decides to get his shit together and be a proper parent

[lumiereswig]

Ok, but what about someone slipping Lumiere a love potion meant for Plumette?? And now Lumiere is even MORE in love with her (IS THAT POSSIBLE!?) and whoever was pining over Plumette is just... SOL??? (idk, man, I need to lay off the coffee)

HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT nobody ever TOLD me that this prompt was POSSIBLE. i was about to go to bed but GUESS WHO’S WRITING FANFIC NOW, BITCHES

“I don’t want the child,” saysAgathe, again. She stands against the churchyard steps, confusion evident inher tilted eyebrows and blank eyes, watching the woman babbling on before her.

“You always do,” says thewoman.

Agathe’s eyes are very blank and very calm. The village woman does not know how much danger she is in.

“It’s a witch-thing, innit? And I have a babe. And I have a demand,” says the woman. “And it will only take aminute of your time—why, I’m sure you have loads of the potions in yourpockets, just crawling with toads and newts-eyes and such-on….”

Agathe blinks, quietly. All that isin her pockets is owl feathers.

The woman sighs. “Fine. Do it forthe justice, right? You witches like justice. Isn’t that why you cursed all ofthem, then?” Her hand waves toward the village, the forest, the palace—thepalace where, as Agathe knows, Lumiere is at this moment sitting in his room,nursing a cold. He is trying to tell jokes to Plumette through a stuffed-upnose. He makes his darling laugh as she curls up beside him on the bed; and Plumettedoesn’t care if she gets sick too, for all she wants is to giggle with herlove. 

“Justice,” says the woman, grabbingAgathe’s arm, and the enchantress’s attention is drawn back to this moment. Amoment which, Agathe thinks, is lasting forever.

“He’s gone gallivanting off withthat girl,” says the woman, bitter as a sour apple. “She’s lured him off, withher Parisian wiles. He’s lost his wholesomeness beside her! How can youstand for that?!”

Agathe checks in on the girl’s Parisianwiles. Plumette is currently engaged in putting marshmallows into Lumiere’s hotcocoa. She’s trying to poke them into a smiley face for him.

“It’s time he loves me again,” hisses the woman.“I was his first.”

You are lucky you are not mylast, thinks Agathe. Thereis a broken musket buried deep in the forest near her hovel. It was once aman.

“So?” The woman shoves forward herchild—a little girl, only just in skirts, with no idea of what her mother begsfor. “A child. A love potion. You like love, don’t you?”

Agathe does like love. And thechild would probably like to see an owl. And the wheedling woman has her pinnedagainst the church.

“Here,” she says, and fetches intoher deepest pocket. She pulls out a jar. “Oh, no—not that one—that’s my jam.”She pulls out another. “Here. Look away.”

The woman looks at her askance, fora moment. Begrudgingly, she turns her eyes away.

The child—little Crevette, daughter of the war widow, with a papa killed in the faraway gunfire—stareswith big, brown eyes as Agathe’s face glows gold, then disappears. TheEnchantress peers out, her hands glowing as she gestures over the small bottle.Its contents turn purple—then red—then a hot, rich burgundy. It looks likesummer wine. It looks like just-crushed grapes.

Agathe’s face returns, and shesmiles at the child. Takes Crevette’s hand, with cautious fingers, fingers thatleave no sense of touch. She hands the jar to the woman.

“Be careful,” she says. “It isheady with marjoram.”

The woman is gone without sayinggood-bye.

Lumiere welcomes her in, of course. He always welcomes anyone in.

He even remembers her name—Puce Enervant—though it’s been many, many years since he last saw her. They discuss what have become common affairs around the village—the way the curse lay across the houses; the enchantment of forgetting the lure of the palace. Puce’s mouth is very tight, and wicked, and she beams at Lumiere as she pushes the potion toward him.

“To help you with your cold.”

“Madame! You fill me with affection.” He has a hazy, dazed memory of kissing Puce once—at an ice cream social, when he was about fourteen—but it’s been so long he is sure she forgot. She was married, after all. “How is your child?”

“Oh.” Puce sneers. “Not much concern of mine. Just gets in the way and stays silent. Once I live here, I can hand her off to another of the village girls.”

“You can—pardonez-moi?”

“Once I live here.” Puce grins at him; or, at least, she widens her mouth and shows her teeth. He is spreading the potion on toast with his long, thin fingers, and is momentarily distracted by how small and wicked she looks. Like a knife out in a meadow. Like a spider, ready to bite.

“Madame. You know I love another.”

“Do you, now?” Smile tighter and wider still. Lumiere is concerned about her digestion. Looking so frightening must have an affect on the stomach.

Puce says, “Don’t tell me you mean that Parisian wench. Wicked, wicked. Not worth your time. Probably the source of your cold, I shouldn’t wonder!”

Thoughts of being kind to Puce Enervant quench into smoke in his head. He rises, and his hands are shaking. “Pardonez-moi? Do not repeat that.”

“Parisian wench. Not worth your time. Go on, have your toast.”

He bites down on it, and his voice shakes. A sneeze clouds the effect, but he can still be threateningly suave. “Plumette is the most beautiful creature I have ever witnessed, and the kindest, brightest, sweetest, dearest, most heavenly soul to ever exist. Our toast is at an end, Madame.”

“Yours is.” Puce sits back, and grins. “Now I just sit and wait for you to love me, Parisian boy.”

She makes sure she is right within his line of vision. Right where he can see her. Right where she can be his one, true, fair, poisoned love.

And it is right then—with an overpowering sneeze that can be heard halfway to Austria—that Lumiere’s head bangs onto the table, reorients itself, and witnesses Plumette as she enters the room.

Mon dieu. The heavens opened wide. He forgets her name for a moment because all he can grasp is that here he is seeing the one and only true point to the universe. All of history and time and men dying in battles and women going to witches and little girls seeing magic has all led up to this: a woman with a feather-duster asking him if he wants more marshmallows.

He is dizzy with the magic of it.

“No! No! Me! It was me,” hisses—the other. Whoever. That thing. It’s not the divine creature in front of him. It isn’t the kiss of the entire pantheon of gods, as this heavenly goddess in front of him completely is.

Plumette is not entirely shocked when he throws himself onto his knees in front of her. The vowing his eternal devotion and swearing (upon what she likes, though nothing whatever is worthy of her eyes) that he will serve her forever is fairly de rigueur. It is like Lumiere to kiss his way entirely up one arm, and across her neck, and down the other arm without stopping, breathing heady phrases that involve ‘heaven’ and ‘divine’ and ‘more beautiful than the morning air.’ The combination of all these things at once, though, is rather startling.

She glances at Puce, though her gaze is somewhat encumbered by the worshiping maître d’ at her feet. “Who are you?”

Puce scowls and gathers her things. “Nobody, apparently,” she says. Lumiere nods enthusiastically and returns to Plumette. 

Puce stomps the long way home. She doesn’t want to see Crevette. She doesn’t want to see Agathe. She wants to bite the witch’s face, and scream that Lumiere got away.

Lumiere, again, loves only Plumette. It should be an easy ending.

But love potions are never easy.

Plumette enjoys this romantic streak, but after three days she worries. It is like Lumiere to adore her, but now he does it to such extent he lets everything else slide, lets it flick away as if it doesn’t matter. He barely remembers Cogsworth’s name. Belle and Adam have been eating off paper napkins, too intimidated to ask for silverware. Every waking moment—and many of her sleeping ones—find Lumiere at her side, asking how to exalt her, how he is unworthy of her graciousness. It isn’t wholesome. He doesn’t laugh. He only wants to love her, without looking to himself.

On the third day, she pins him to the bed. He gasps from ecstasy.

“Mon amour! Mon amour. Non, don’t pass out.” He can’t bear it when she loves him back. She is too perfect, too flawless, too divine. She shakes him and he almost cries.

“How can I serve you, beloved beyond beloved?”

“Mon dieu, stop it.” She has one knee on his chest to hold him down. She flicks away his kisses as he reaches for her arms. “Lumiere? Cheri? You know I love you—”

“How can one love a gnat, a flea, a speck of sand—”

She puts one hand over his mouth. He is absolutely going to faint, but keeps talking anyway.

“—I am nothing! Nothing! And you are the skies, and bigger than the skies, and I live only to adore you—”

Plumette sighs and tries to giggle, but he looks too sleep-deprived to make it fun. She removes her hand. “Serve me by staying quiet as I speak, mon cheri.”

He is instantly a grave. She isn’t even sure he’s breathing. She prods his chest for a heartbeat, and is shocked by how loud it is. It seems twice its normal size.

“Lumiere. My darling. Lumiere. Why this sudden intoxication? You were romantic before—everything I ever wanted—but now, now you drain yourself to talk to me. I fell in love with you, Lumiere. Not a man who never laughed because he would not dare to meet my eyes.”

“Your eyes are gemstones lifted from Arcadia’s fonts—” he begins, and she stabs him with a finger.

“Lumiere! Lumiere. I want you to laugh, again. I want you to make fun of Cogsworth, and encourage Cadenza, and plan matchmaking trips for the Prince and his Princess. I want you to piggy-back with Chip again. I want you to love me, and love life, and love everything besides. And kiss my neck, and tell a joke.”

“That seems impossible now,” he breathes. “Ever since I saw you, my world has been nothing but you.”

“You’ve seen me every day for at least fifteen years, ma moitié.” Another spasm of reverence from Lumiere. “Why now? Why so much?”

Lumiere tries to think, though only for the sake of the goddess currently balanced on his chest. His thoughts tend to flutter off in the so soft, so light, so sacred, exquisite fairy, sublime pixie sent from the other end of heaven direction, but he tries to be mundane.

“Toast.” How strange he used to find food appealing! He hasn’t eaten for two days. It seemed so base, compared to Plumette.

“Pardonez-moi, mon coeur?” Oh sacred woman! All he is is a beating heart. He tries to bring his thoughts around to anything else that might please her.

“Toast. I had some toast. With jam brought by….the woman.” He doesn’t hold onto other people, now. He can’t really remember their names.

“Puce?”

“Say ‘Plumette’ instead. It is the only name that matters.”

“That woman brought you jam? And then you saw me, and fell in love?”

“You only speak truth. It is exquisite.”

She kisses him, then, half to shut him up and half because he is beloved, even as an idiot. He truly does faint, then. A speck of sand in the sway of an ocean.

Plumette goes to find Puce Enervant.

The palace maid doesn’t really know her way around the village, but she finds it easy enough; the neighbors sigh and point to Puce’s house, tumbled down at the edge of the village. An angry house for an angry woman.

“What do you want,” spits Puce Enervant.

Plumette looks around the crumbling parlor. It is cold and empty and angry. “Don’t you have a child?”

“Not anymore.” Puce kicks up her feet and takes out her pipe. “Witch got her. Didn’t want her, anyway. Strange child. Mostly mute. Didn’t play like a kid.”

“And do you play?”

“I used to.” Puce’s face is wistful. “Everyone used to want me. I had thirty boys on a string. But the war came, and I can’t have anyone now.”

Plumette looks around the room. It’s true that the war came—but in Puce’s case, it seems that life went. She doesn’t have any signs of a life of her own: no pastimes, no plants, no crafts, no indication that she does anything besides sit and moan her dead flirtations. Plumette is struck with pity: besides stringing along the village boys, Puce had nothing better to do, and never learned real love.

Plumette’s hand brushes before her face. “I need a favor of you.”

“You have everything I want. A lover, respect, attention.” I have a heart you do not know you need, thinks Plumette. “If I favor you, I get nothing at all.”

“I need you to kiss Lumiere.”

Puce drops her pipe. “Is this a joke?”

“Non, mademoiselle. True love’s kiss.”

The atmosphere in the cold, dead room is very charged. “And he’ll be mine again?”

“You’ll have back whatever you gave him,” Plumette says honestly.

“Love,” says Puce, and her eyebrows draw together. She thinks for only moments. “Yes, love, yes. Let me have Lumiere. Bring me to my boy.”

Your boy, thinks Plumette, fuming, but she leads Puce to the palace. The only way to save Lumiere is to hand him to another.

He doesn’t want to, but he’ll do anything for the diamond of the angels. The flower that Eden kept. The end of the world, because the world would end without her.

“Will he talk like that to me?” Puce’s eyes are hungry. Lumiere’s eyes are fixed on Plumette as he reels off his names for her.

“He has more than enough to share.” Plumette is nervous; her hands brush his. She needs Puce to kiss Lumiere—but what if it goes wrong, what if he really falls in love with her?

He will die if he does not laugh, does not eat, does not mock Cogsworth as he always does. Plumette tries to be brave. “My darling, my one darling. Kiss her, once, for me.”

He does. He doesn’t try. But Plumette asked him to, so he does.

Stars burst across his vision. Marjoram weighs heavy in the air. And hearts-ease, too, and hot-wine burgundy. Puce’s lips are hungry against his.

He reels back, crying from how strong it was, and blinks away his tears. He hasn’t cried for three days, and his lips feel very dry, and he is suddenly immensely hungry.

Before him stand Puce and Plumette. Puce’s eyes are shut. Her lips move soundlessly. She is a village woman, one he kissed once, a long, long time ago.

Beside her stands Plumette. And she is so beautiful—and so heavenly—and a part of the rest of his world, like Cogsworth and Cadenza and food and dining and serving the Prince—that he has to burst out laughing.

Plumette bursts into tears. “Mon amour? You’re you again?”

“What, because I can’t hold a candle to you?” He is smoking a little, too. “Ma chérie, I can love both you and a brilliant joke.”

He is all right again. He is Lumiere again. He takes Plumette in his arms and kisses her.

“What of Puce?” In the corner she sways, her eyes locked tight. All her anger has vanished from her face; she looks like she is dreaming.

Plumette sniffs her breath, and guides her to the door. “I thought she could draw the poison out of you, because she needs the love herself. I hope she finds a mirror. And some happiness of her own.”

“You are infinitely wise, my darling.” He tries to pick her up, and fails. He is not strong enough. He kisses her instead.

“You are infinitely endearing. Do you want marshmallows in your chocolate?”

“You are the jewel of the world,” says Lumiere, and bows with extravagant courtesy.

Down in the hollow, Agathe shows around her new owl. Little Crevette, with big brown eyes, and tawny feathers. It screams from joy and flaps its wings.

Puce wanders by, her eyes fast shut. Agathe takes her by the hand and leads her to the fallen tree. Places hot tea in her cold hands. Whispers a spell over her, and lets dead leaves fall.

At least she cured the candle’s cold. That’s all she ever meant to do.

[peppermint-rat]

Gonna do a lil relationship meme about @eldritchcupcake ‘cause I don’t want to start my day yet

1) What's their name? Damien/Dee/Rotten

3) Do you get along with this person all the time? Of course. We might not always agree on everything but we never fight 4) How old is the person? 24 5) Have they ever cooked for you? Oh yes, when they have the spoons (thats not a cooking pun feck off). They make some fantastic food including orgasmic baked mac & cheese 6) Is this person the same age as you? Older than me by a year and one month. Timed just in time for them to be in ‘92 and me in ‘94 7) Have you ever kissed this person? I smooch them all over the second an opportunity arises 8.) Have you ever laughed for longer than 2 minutes? Of course 10) Are you really close to them? I should hope so, given our 4 year anniv. is next month lmao 11) Nicknames? Bee/Honeybee, Darlin’, Bae/Babe/Beeb/BB, Honey, all that jazz 12) Do they have a nickname for you? Bean (cutest nickname ever), all that jazz mentioned above 13) Have you and this person been outside the country? ...UM... actually I don’t think we have. Anywhere we’ve traveled together has been in the province 14) Do you think they will repost this? If they have time, probably, I know they’re just as much a slut as I am for these dumb little surveys  15) Could you live with this person? Lived together about 3 years with no issue, so I daresay yes <: 16) Why did you pick this person? I wanna say that I didn’t exactly pick them. I did, for sure, after I knew they liked me too, but that’s not really how it went at first. When we finally met for real (rather than being pseudo-acquaintances in high school), and I was so nervous to meet them, and they were kind and gentle with me, I felt the butterflies and was like “ohhh shit. I really really like this person.” And from there I just wanted to be near them all the time, because they were and are just such a meaningful presence. I couldn’t stop thinking of how nice it would be if I could just once tell them how beautiful and radiant they are. And then one night (after pausing Fern Gully lmao) our first kiss just kind of happened, like the tension building up to it just broke. At first I thought I couldn’t be with them for a number of reasons all having to do with me and my upbringing in the church, so the few days after that first kiss were riddled with some of the most unbearable heartbreak I’d ever felt. And then finally, I did pick them, because I knew that even though I was scared, I had to, if you’ll forgive the cliche, follow my heart. And so they walked over to my house in their reindeer pjs and leather jacket and we kissed again, only that night I went to bed smiling and curling my toes, rather than mourning a chance I thought I was too chicken to take. And that remains the best chance I ever took, because it led to the best thing in my life. /endsappystory 17) How long have you known this person? Known OF this person... jeez, 9 years? Facebook friends for like 7? Actually been friends with them, more like 4.5 years-ish 18) What's your favourite thing to do with this person? Binge-watching shows and movies together while picking apart the construction of them (writing, character design, plot devices), snuggling up naked under the blankets to cuddle-snooze, taking fancy baths together, just lying around and lazily smooching and touching, experiencing new things together. And of course, playing videogames together (whether its both of us playing or one playing and the other making sassy remarks).  19) Can you name one favorite memory with this person? I have so many. I always mention the Bro Strider date here, but it was just so good (they asked me out in cosplay so that they could ask me out without /actually/ asking me out it was amaze). Marching in the pride parade together (minus the grueling walk back up and blistering sunburn after). Playing through Silent Hill 3 together. Staying up until like 2 AM baking Christmas cookies. Flying up to their hometown with them for the holidays. Dancing together at Caravan Palace and Excision. But tbh my real favorite moments are the ones where we’re doing basically nothing together, and we can just be at peace. 20) Have you ever joint bought something? We go in on most major purchases together, there are too many to count 21) If you ever moved away would you miss this person? At this point it would actually be physically impossible for me to live apart from them. Even spending one night away, I don’t feel whole. 22) Have you ever written a song with this person? Apart from dumb little affectionate jingles we chat at each other, nope 23) Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person? We’re pretty safe people, we don’t tend to do anything illegal unless its pirating movies 24) How many piercings does this person have? Sssseven right now if you count them individually, three that have been taken out/healed 25) Would you date this person's siblings? Lmao no? What kind of question is this? Though admittedly when I was very small in high school their brother’s awful scene hair fascinated my tiny awful tastes, lol. He’s more of a brother to me now than my actual brother though. 26) Have you ever made something with this person? Hell yeah, we bake together sometimes, and we’ve come up with stories/characters together. We also keep talking about doing an art collab when we’re not fuckin busy all the time 27) Have you ever cried with this person? Many times 28) Have you and this person ever got into a fight? Fights, no. We aren’t always butterflies and sunshine, but if either of us has a problem with what the other is doing, we talk about it respectfully. There are tears sometimes just ‘cause emotions are heavy things, but we always come out better for each other after talking it out 29) Have you gone skinny dipping with this person? Nope. I’m not too keen on getting pond scum in my vagina 30) Write something only they will understand. “Booty go WHAT??” “Princess Kitty, with ribbons in her whiskers, and sparkles in her tail.” “Dooo you hear the beeple sing, singing the song of angry bees” “Do ye find me sexeh” “Well we’re about to get even colder... because I have some bad news for you. We have to swim to shoOOAHAHHWHH -splutters-” “Ah, I’m ovulating” “-hands bath bomb- Do the Rock Dance!” &many many more inside jokes... 31) What's something special you share? Too vague. Our whole relationship is special lmao.  32) What's the nicest thing they've ever given you? If we’re talking physical objects, any time they’ve made me breakfast in bed. Also a quartz necklace because they knew I was in an art block. Also the moonstone ring they gave me at New Years.  33) Have you ever worn this person's clothes? We share clothes pretty frequently 34) What's this person's favorite food? Me  Sushi, almond things, fish n chips, most things with butternut squash, high quality rare steak 35) If it was "freaky friday" would you switch bodies with this person? Pretty sure the concept of Freaky Friday is you dont have a choice in the matter. First things we’d do is lie on the floor moaning, as I wouldnt be used to their chronic pain and they wouldnt be used to my giant knockers 36) Have you ever heard this person sing? All the time, they have such a beautiful voice 37) Do you and this person frequently get drunk? Nah, even when we did get drunk together it wasn’t that frequently. We’re both too old for that shit now lol 38) Have you ever stolen anything from this person? Their HEART 39) Have you ever gone dancing with this person? Yup, me badly 40) If this person were a colour, what would they be? Deep violet or seafoam 41) Whens the next time you will see this person? In a few hours when they come home from school 42) Does this person have brothers and/or sisters? One brother, one step sister 43) If you could spend a day anywhere in the world with this person, where would you go? Jeez. Too many places. Stockholm. Japan. The Danish fjords. Hawaii. Italy. I wanna go everywhere with this nerd. 44) What are you looking forward to doing with this person? Going to see Game Grumps live with them next month! 45) What makes this person feel happy? Peaceful spaces, going for walks, doggos, baths with me, being productive, Destiny, the Witcher, Pokemon, Steven Universe, fat frogs, bad puns, making me laugh/tickling me 46) Do you and this person talk a lot? We talk to each other more than we talk to anyone else 47) Can you describe this person in one word? Precious, as in invaluable. Their worth could never be stated because they just keep becoming more incomprehensibly lovely every day 48) If you were to make a film of this person's life, what would you call it? Nerd 49) Do you want to go out with this person?

Idk, maybe thats why we’re in a relationship

50) Do you want to be friends with them forever? Of course 51) What are your names? Bitch the fuck 52) What's your song? Love Like You - Rebecca Sugar 53) What is your movie? I don’t think we have one?  54) What is an accessory you both wear all the time? Our....piercings.. 55) How long have you been together? 3 years 11 months 56) What are your favorite animals? Doggos and kibbens 57) Okkkkk, What are your hobbies? I feel like I mentioned this in the ‘favorite things to do together’ section. Apart from that, drawing nerdy things, sometimes for each other 58) Do you own any pets together? Apart from the Corrupted Jasper doggo plush, no -weeps- But we spend a ridiculous amount of time planning our future pets 59) What's your favorite books? Lots of them. Idfk. I wouldnt call it our favorite but we both read Horns around the same time and loved it 60) Favorite bands? Dee really digs Madeon, Porter Robinson, and Halsey right now to name a few, I really dig most of Dee’s music tastes but I listen to Radical Face alone bc it spurs up Dee’s hyperempathy 61) Are you in love? -new yorker voice- Nahh I just write these sappy notes for my health here 62) Where was your first kiss? In their mom’s basement, on the Original Couch of Wonders (tm) 63) How you you hold hands? Entwined fingers or non? Almost always entwined, otherwise it feels like shaking hands 64) Anything unique about your relationship? We’re fucking furries and like to talk about how hot animated characters are 65) Can you guys sing? We sing together a fair bit, not too much though as I’m too self conscious to sing genuinely in front of other people 66) Dance? If you mean nerdy booty shaking to our favorite songs then yes