#im so sick of listening to all the other white people around me

[girlivealwaysbean]

so tired of being a shitty bandaid for my parents' loneliness. like have u ever considered you passed your curse to me and some days i feel so lonely it's like i can't breathe around the emptiness in my chest????

[bearieio]

ellie w. hcs :3

bc im seeing them everywhere and i need to put in my 2¢. thank you. (also not proofread :P)

⋆ biggest hayley kiyoko fan for like 3 years (the intro to ‘girls like girls’ was her ringtone when she was 14). would beg joel to take her to random record stores that they passed by just to see if they had any hayley kiyoko cds.

⋆ because of joel, she listens to a lot of 70s-90s dad rock. 

⋆ can’t drive for shit. like literally she’s not allowed to drive without her glasses

⋆ she needs glasses btw. she doesn’t wear them because she’s already too much of a loser. but when she does where them, you tease her endlessly about them. 

⋆ can and will sleep on the floor whenever prompted. no blankets, no pillows needed. just her and the floor.

⋆ isn’t allowed to drink any sort of energy drinks on account of a previous incident that had to do with about 3 cans of redbull and 2 large cans of the ‘Java Monster.’

⋆ isn’t allowed to own small pets (like gerbils, guinea pigs, hamsters, etc.) because she’d definitely forget about them. 

⋆ owns big dogs. great danes, newfoundlands, irish wolfhounds, mastiffs, st bernards, YOU NAME IT, SHE HAS IT (or has had it)

⋆ when she’s older, i feel like she’d be like one of those white people who has 192793999 dogs for no reason 

⋆ since her mannerisms are so much like joels, you guys argue playfully all the time about how things should be done, often bringing others into it too. 

“jesse, tell her!” he flips her phone screen around to reveal a very tired jesse, “it’s 1AM, ellie-“ 

“TELL HER!” 

⋆ i feel like at random times, she’ll just grab your boob(s). i don’t know why and you’ve never said anything about it, so she hasn’t stopped…… very handsy….

⋆ audibly goes “honk honk!” almost every time she gives ‘em a squeeze.

⋆ she’s a really sloppy kisser. not like boy-sloppy, but like the hot, messy, girl sloppy bc that sounds better and honestly i think her kisses would be the best.

⋆ she was one of those kids who’d eat dirt and find bugs all the time

because of this, she’s the designated bug killer/bug-getter-outter…. idk

⋆ she’s the worst drunk you know.

like literally sssoooooooooo messy oh my god. but you love her nonetheless :)

she’s soo clingy, and, touchy (like more than usual), but also much more emotional and sensitive than usual when she’s drunk or when she’s sick.

⋆ ellie tends to be quite difficult when she’s sick. BUT! you make it work bc you love her and she loves you :>

when you bring ellie her favorite drink from her favorite coffee shop, you literally have to fight her to be able to get out the front door. when you get up to serve her lunch, you’ve got to peel her off of you because she refuses to let you leave her side. when you go and get the medicine she says she doesn’t need…. you guessed it, she fights for you to stay in bed next to her.

“babe, what if i die right here, when you leave- like- BABE PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME-“ she bewails, crossing her arms and huffing at the sight of you leaving her.

⋆ when you catch her playing her guitar, she sometimes gets all shy and plays the wrong chords n stuff. 

“don’t LOOK! >:(” she says, gripping the body of her guitar, glaring in your direction.

“oh!- okay” you say, throwing your hands up in a playful manner, giggling. 

⋆ but the times where she’s not shy about playing in front of you, she’ll ask you if you want to play.

“do you uh- maybe wanna play? i could teach you” she suggests, gesturing toward the stringed instrument.

but then after, she’d tease you about your finger placement :(

“i said the fourth fret, girl, not the second, or, the third!” she says, in between laughs.

“well fourth from the top or the bottom?!” you scoffed, looking at her, still puzzled.

she knows your trying your best but it’s still fun to poke at you when she can >:)

constructive criticism is appreciated !!!

[laylasverse]

🍉,🍒, & 🍑 for the fruit game!

fruit ask game ( 🍉 🍒 & 🍑 )

will you guys be mad at me if i just use this as another excuse to talk abt jason but this time in my better cr . . .

🍉 : JUICY WATERMELON . . . what’s your favorite thing about your lover in your dr? the way they smell like home, how they make your chest hurt with laughter, how they take care of you. maybe the way their hair falls in their face just so.

yea, i'm just gonna ramble about jason for a bit . . . sorry. his lashes are dark and longer than mine (im a little mad abt that but yk). his eyes are the perfect shades of dark greens. sometimes its difficult to listen to what he's saying when he's talking about his little books because of the sparkle in his eyes. they're very distracting. he'll give me a look when i make a stupid joke, that he knows he shouldn't laugh at, trying to hold it together before finally giving in and laughing. he laughs so hard and smiles so big that little smile lines show.

he is a big guy (bro's 6'4??), so it's amusing when he sleeps so soundly with my pink blankets with little cats on them. jason takes up most of my full-sized bed and i have to shove him over so i can lay in my bed. he's just a big cat that i drag around with me.

🍒 : BLOODRED CHERRIES . . . what is your biggest fear in your dr? you don’t have to get deep if you don’t wanna—it can be as small and horrifying as a spider or the dark. something that truly rattles you to your bones.

this isn't a deep emotional fear but here ya go. in all my drs, my biggest fear is heights. i hate them so much. yk that feeling in your knees when you go up above ten floors in an elevator? yea that shit makes me feel sick.

🍑 : OVERRIPE PEACH . . . what kind of a future do you imagine for yourself in your dr? white picket fence material, with marriage and a couple kids? perhaps childless but continuing on your adventures til old age, or all of the above?

i know that i'll have a career to brittany broski (w/o the extreme & continuous hypocrisy). i'd love to post creative & entertaining yt videos while also having a talk show to interview interesting people. also a podcast because everyone has one.

but in the other aspect of my life I honestly i don't exactly know what the future will be like in this dr. i would love to figure out more of myself before having others depending on me.

but yk hopefully jay mans up and gives me a ring. i would like to live in an apartment overlooking a city like chicago or seattle (new york scares me) for a bit then settle down on the outskirts in a pretty house with a big backyard & gorgeous greenhouse. and yea i already know what i'd name our kids even through idk if we'll have any yet.

ꪆৎ : tysm for the ask franny 😘

2025 ⓒ LAYLASVERSE

[wodimewoahtime]

if i had to equate the alnst characters to one of the six senses then it would be

mizi- touch

sua- scent

till- hearing

ivan- sight

luka- taste

hyuna- proprioception

REASONINGS!!!!

mizi: shes very touchy and hugs the people shes close to a lot, in sweet dream "you hug me as if nothing happened", her hand on the glass that connected with suas which bloomed into pink, please be next to me always, self soothing by hugging herself at the end of mizisua

sua- "you find me with your scent" "always be by my side" the scent of a flower, a clemantis aka the fragrant virgins bower, a white flower with vines, "hope bloomed in the abyss" a strong sweet almond like scent

till: music + listening without contributing, his r2 was sung by mizi (made with her voice in mind?), the only character that composes his own music, "the melody that filled the empty me"

ivan: staring + not being seen, looking back, "the red light in the black sorrow" "even if your cold words leaves scars beneath my eyes" "face to face we dance" do i even need to explain this one

luka: actually has a lot of art now where he has something in his mouth, his need for dominance (cannabalism), to consume the opponent on the stage, he takes up almost all the lyrics in ruler of my heart, he kisses the hand of the dead girl at the start of r5, luka trying to kiss hyuna through what seems to be force, he also nibbles on his sleeve in all in + tills hair in the cafe art, luka freak art with his fingers pulling at his mouth

hyuna: to know exactly where she is and how she stands as a human, the assurance of her own position that she gains from rebellion, she knows where stands without the reference of others around her (all in is about self love) getting up after falling down -----------------

Also to connect this to cure (cause im diseased)

tills lyrics in cure seem to have stuff about gazes when its usually given to ivan, "Dissolve me in your gaze" "read my soul" "in your gaze where im seen"

ivan also with hearing "even if your cold words carve scares beneath my eyes" "to quiet my fears" "sick of these nights to come to be engulfed in silence" "on your icy lips"

oh but till still has the line "to this everlasting melody" and ivan still has "face to face we dance"

its the part where they sing in a round without harmonizing so i think its something like how the way they love doesnt really ever align with eachother thats a classic part of ivantill

edit: post i'm talking about in the tags

[sp1rit-realm]

༻¨*:· 𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐙𝐄𝐃 ·:*¨༺

༻¨*:· summary ·:*¨༺ James doesn't realize he's doing anything wrong.

༻¨*:· notes ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 james potter being james potter 𖦹 hurt/comfort (i think this is normal hurt/comfort. idk tho) 𖦹 shitty writing. like genuinely shitty writing. do not expect much. 𖦹 a sprinkle of remus lupin being hot bc im me 𖦹 hurt/comfort 𖦹 shitty ending 𖦹 i did not proofread this bc i'm lazy ⎝(ˊᗜˋ)⎠

༻¨*:· word count ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 1.1k 

In every sense of the word, James Potter was mesmerized by you.

He loved how your eyes would brighten when you talked about your passions and how your bows would furrow when you took notes. And your smile. Your smile was his favorite.

You were his favorite.

You, of course, knew of James Potter—the whole school did. That didn't mean people knew him. You were one of those people. You weren't even sure he knew your name until he said it. You melted.

He had come sauntering up to you., holding himself high as he silently sat next to you.

"I'm James," He smiled—that toothy grin you adored.

As you began saying your name, he cut you off.

"I know," He smirked, "How could I not know who you are? A pretty face like yours," He tapped his forehead, "Sticks in the noggins of people like me."

Your face got hot at his words, and you looked down with a smile. James fucking Potter knew who you were.

"People like you?" You tried to sound like your heart wasn't pounding so hard that you felt it in your head.

"Lovesick fools," He offered. His words were casual, like he hadn't just said he was lovesick because of you.

The rest of the class went by fast. You giggled at everything James said—which he immensely enjoyed. He would pass you stupid notes with bad drawings of him. He would always label himself in the picture to show that, under his clothes, he had a six-pack. You easily believed that part. What you didn't believe were the "facts" he would write himself saying.

For example, he talked about possums being allergic to citrus fruit.

This went on for weeks, but only in Transfiguration. In your other shared classes, he pretended you didn't exist. Your friends warned you, saying, "He'll break your heart."

You should have listened.

One day he walked into Transfiguration, strode right past you, and sat next to another girl. 

Your heart plummeted with your smile, and you felt sick. Your mind was clouded with the sight of it. Her touching his arm, him smiling that stupid smile of his—it was all too much.

And he did this day after day, and you felt your heart deteriorate.

"Y/n! Wait up!" You heard someone call from behind you. It was James, of course. 

Your body, against your own volition, halted.

You turned to look at him.

"Hi," His white teeth beamed at you while his eyes twinkled in the sunlight.

And as much as you wanted to hate him—to curse him out—you couldn't bring yourself to do it, "Hi, James."

"So," James hooked his arm around your shoulders, "How've you been?"

"I've been—" You hesitated, "I'm good."

"Great!" He beamed.

You made light conversation until you reached Potions. He sat next to someone else, and your heart broke.

Soon holiday break rolled around. You loved your family, but you didn't love your mother trying to cram eighty activities into one day, so you stayed at Hogwarts.

You were doodling the snowflakes falling from the Great Hall's ceiling when you heard laughter. 

You, of course, knew this laugh. It was hearty and deep. It was warm, just like he was.

You tensed as you felt him sit beside you, and two boys quickly sat across from you. They were eager.

"James," You greeted, looking up from your paper.

He was looking at you with those pretty eyes and that lopsided grin. 

Your heart smiled.

"Whatcha drawing?" He drawled, peering at the paper.

"Snowflakes," You gave. He took the pad of paper and held his hand out. "Pencil?"

You handed him your pencil, smiling as you did it.

Sirius shot a look to Remus, then mouthed: "idiots in love."

Remus kicked him, "Look who's talking," He muttered. Sirius pouted.

"James, what are you drawing?" You whined, leaning over in an attempt to see.

"No looking yet," He swatted you away, then huddled around the pad, hiding the drawing.

You waited in silence. 

You watched as he concentrated, "Done!" 

He had drawn a smiley face. Underneath, he wrote: 'Go to Hogsmeade with me?' With two boxes beneath, both marked with a yes.

Your eyes went wide as you read it. You swiftly stood up, grabbed your pencil, and left. 

James was feeling particularly discouraged.

"Maybe she's going to her dorm? To... get ready?" Remus said with a sheepish smile, trying to make James feel better.

"Thanks, Remus," James slouched, "I highly doubt that."

He sighed, "What did I do wrong? I've been flirting with her for months."

"I'm not sure, mate," Sirius shrugged, "Just go talk to her."

"No," He frowned as his heart did.

You were eating breakfast, lamenting. Yes, you would have loved to go on a date with James, but then again—

"Excuse me!" Your thoughts were interrupted by a rather loud Sirius, "You have a lot of nerve showing your face here!"

You stared at him, "You mean at my school? Where I'm staying for the holidays?"

"Yeah!" Sirius nodded.

"And why is that?"

"James is heartbroken in our dorm right now!"

"Why?"

Sirius scoffs, "Why? Why she asks!" He threw his arms up, "Because you rejected him! Honestly, woman!"

"I never rejected him!" You shot back, "I'm just confused!" 

Sirius halted, "Why are you confused?"

"'Cos James is constantly flirting with other girls. Like, all the time," You pouted, "How am I supposed to know if he actually likes me?"

"Well, I'm sorry for yelling at you," Sirius crossed his arms, "I'm going to go yell at him now."

You giggled as Sirius stormed off; Remus sat across from you.

He took a bite of his eggs before speaking, "You know, he probably didn't even realize he was flirting. James is quite dense."

You laughed a little "You're funny, you know?"

He held his fork up in agreement, "Hm, I guess I am quite funny."

"Don't let it get to your head."

"Oh, but darling, it already has," He took another bite of eggs.

Soon, Sirius returned; James was dragging his feet behind the boy.

"James," You greeted.

“Sorry, y/n,” He mumbled

It made you smile a bit, his head was hung, and he was staring at his feet, glasses sliding down his nose.

"Did Sirius yell at you?"

He solemnly nodded his head.

"Okay," You started, hiding a smile, "well, I forgive you." You smiled, "As long as you don't continue to do it."

He nodded again.

"So, my answer to your question is yes."

His head shot up, and his big goofy grin was slapped on his face, "Really?!"

"Yes, really."

here's a gold star for putting up with my shitty writing🌟

Mutuals ଘ(੭ ˊᵕˋ)੭*༺ ♡‧₊˚ @sw34terw34ther @forourmoons @evergreenlover @nyxxxxxxxx @ell0ra-br3kk3r @puppy-coded @innerloverpainter @cremexcoffee @goodoldfashionedluvergirl @maddipoof @mad-elia @lgwifey @youre-so-lovely @masivechaos @lucasnclair @woahlifehitsyahuh

[magniloquent-raven]

its midnight and im sleeby but i finished this thing i started scribbling out this afternoon based on @harringroveera 's post that i couldnt get outta my brain

i think i might have angsted it up a little cuz i can't help myself but its still cute so. pls enjoy

--

Billy's not super clear on where he is right now.

There are people everywhere. Yelling. Laughing. Music plays over a big fancy sound system. There's a blurry blue light glowing through glass sliding doors that he's been staring at for a little while 'cause it's…pretty. Twinkly and stuff. 

He's too many drinks past a good buzz, that much he's sure of. His head feels. Floaty. And heavy. And if he tries to move the room starts to spin. 

Whatever he's sitting on is comfy though. Soft. Softer than his damn mattress with that broken spring that's always stabbing him in the ribs. 

He's tired. Really tired.

Feels like he hasn't slept in months.

To his left a girl starts squealing as her boyfriend grabs her around the waist, to his right a speaker vibrates against the wall, buzzing to the beat of a deep bassline. Everything sounds far away, though. White noise blending together while the edges of his vision go fuzzy and faded.

He feels his head tip, just a little, and then—

With a sharp inhale he jolts, blinks, glancing around blearily at a silent, empty room.

It's still dark out. The blue glow still shimmers at him through glass. A lamp lights the room he's in. Everything's…shapes. Colours. His brain is still mushy.

He blinks a couple more times. His eyes are dry. Wobbly. All the shapes are wobbly.

"Hey, man, party's over." A voice startles him. He tries to look around, but it fucking hurts, and moving his head is so much work. Whatever, it's a nice voice. Way nicer than the jarring silence. 

Wait, why's the party over. He doesn't want the party to be over.

He wrinkles his nose. "Nooo…" 

"...Yeessss." There's a pause. "Everyone is gone, dude."

"No." Billy rubs his eyes. The chair is still so comfy. He sinks further into it, unwilling to move. "You're here."

"It's my house. I'm allowed to stay." The voice sounds amused. There's some rustling behind Billy. Plastic crinkling. Maybe. Something being moved around. "Why are you even here, anyways?" 

Hazy memories jumble together. A flask of vodka in his pocket, slipped under itchy robes. Sitting two heads away from Steve Harrington, sneaking glances between barely concealed shots. A droning speech. Another droning speech. Neil's solemn face in a crowd, watching him walk across the stage to shake hands with…the guy. The. Whatever.  

Some girl digging her talons into his arm after he slipped away from Neil's attempts to maintain a public image by acting like he gave a shit about his son's accomplishments. Beer and cheap tequila and shitty music blurring into each other as he gets dragged around like a trophy dangling off the elbow of whichever nameless girl claimed him for the night.

"Graduated," he says, picking at a sticky spot on the thigh of his jeans. Pinching the fabric isn't doing anything but he can't stop prodding. 

"Yeah, I know, with honors. Congrats." There's a huff. A silence. "Doesn't explain why you're here though." Footsteps, sneakers on linoleum, tap tap tap, meandering around whatever room is at his back. Glass bottles getting moved around. It's sort of soothing to listen to someone move around their house without any reason to be keeping track of their movements.

Well, unless…

Billy's stomach flips, and his chest goes tight. "You're not gonna kick me out are you?" he asks, his voice small. He feels sick, saying it. Thinking about it. He doesn't want to be anywhere else. This house smells sweet under the stink of spilled beer and leftover perfume. And he likes this chair.

The movement behind him stops for a second. "...Nnno?"

He breathes. Relaxing into velvety upholstery. "'Kay." 

"You sure you don't have anywhere to be? Family waiting up? Girlfriend expecting a midnight rendezvous?" 

Billy snorts. "No one gives a shit where I am." 

Neil will care tomorrow when Billy makes him look bad by pulling up hungover and in yesterday's clothes, but that's a problem for tomorrow. He won't be waiting up for him, worrying about Billy's safety or whatever.

A glass bottle clinks against something. "What about your sister?"

"Pfff…" He snickers, and gives his head a tiny shake. The movement makes everything spinny for a second and he has to pause to swallow bile. The sour taste on his tongue feels appropriate. And gross. "I fucked up. Everything. Beat the shit outta her friend. She's prolly hoping I don' come home at all. Ever."

Another glass bottle gets set down, slower this time. Carefully. "...This friend of hers…"

"Steve," Billy sighs. His eyes fall shut and he leans back into a cushioned headrest. His insides do the stupid fluttery thing they always do when he thinks about Steve. Steve and his stupid kissable face. 

"It was pretty dumb of him to pick a fight with you, huh," the voice says wryly. 

"Mnh…I guess." There's a soft snort behind him. But something prickles at Billy. Guilt, maybe. It's uncomfortable. He chews his lip as his eyes start to burn. "Nah. No. Whole thing was my fault. All my fault. S'always my fault." 

Saying it doesn't make it feel better.

"What do you mean?" There's sounds anymore. Just the voice, and Billy's heartbeat in his ears.

"It's…" Billy swipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. "It's a secret."

"I'm good at keeping those."

"You can't tell him."

"...I definitely will not tell him."

Billy hums. "He's real pretty, y'know."

"So I've been told, but what—"

"No, he's…he's so pretty. Like, I can't believe it sometimes, and I just wanna. Do something about it. All the time. But it hurts. Hurts so bad, and it's not supposed to, so I had to—I had to…I just got so mad. And I had to prove I didn't wanna kiss him, but I do. 'Cause I like him so much. Too much."

The silence is back. Ringing in Billy's ears. He sniffles quietly. 

"Oh…" 

"Please don't tell him. Or anyone."

"Billy…"

"Promise."

There's a strained pause. Billy fidgets, his insides twisting into knots. 

"I promise." The voice is so gentle, and it makes Billy's eyes sting again. He blinks away tears and listens to more bottles being moved. Plastic cups hitting plastic bags. Sneakers against linoleum, and hardwood, and carpet. And after a while, "You're not gonna spend all night in the chair, are you?"

"You said—"

"I'm not kicking you out, I just meant. There's a guest bed, man," 

"Oh."

**

Sunlight hits Billy directly in the face and he rolls over, groaning. 

The motion makes his stomach lurch, but he buries his face in…pillowcase. Unfamiliar pillowcase. Smells like honeysuckle and clean air and it's softer than any bedding he's ever touched. 

His legs are tangled in sheets just as sweet-smelling and finely woven, and his guts give another heave as he realizes he's only wearing briefs. 

Did…did he fuck someone last night?

He was definitely drunk enough to do something that stupid, if the cottonmouth and pounding headache are any indication, but he doesn't fucking remember. Which would normally be a blessing, except he usually doesn't stay the goddamn night. 

Is he going to have some girl hanging all over him for the first couple weeks of summer? Until he can figure out how to ditch her without making it look like he's too eager to.

Or maybe he'll stick around for a little while, this bed is actually ridiculous. He might be able to fake his way through one shitty summer fling if it means sleeping like a goddamn king. There are like, five pillows, and it feels like he's laying on a cloud. 

He nuzzles deeper into the pillowcase. Smells nice too.

His memories of the previous day mostly stop around Tammy Whatsherface dragging him away for a graduation afterparty. Maybe he shouldn't have started drinking at noon. 

Christ, he's not even sure how he got here, or where his car is. 

Or where here is.

It's one of the Loch Nora houses, probably. Nowhere else would have sheets like this.

Eventually he drags himself, reluctantly, out of bed. And immediately tastes bile.

Which is. Bad. 

Being upright is bad. 

And he doesn't know where the nearest toilet is. Which could be extremely bad. Girls whose carpets you puke on don't invite you back to sleep in their nice guest rooms.

So, he's very slow and careful about pulling his jeans on. And he makes sure to pause when he starts to feel clammy, sitting on the floor to stop his head spinning. 

It takes him forever to get mostly dressed, jeans and an undershirt are enough. He can't find his button-up and socks require too much bending down, which his dehydrated brain does not appreciate. 

Peeking out into the nondescript hall doesn't provide any more answers about whose house this is. It's all shiny boring expensive decor and not a single person in sight.

Oh, looks like there's a bathroom at the end of the hallway though, good. 

He beelines for the sweet promise of a place to piss and rinse out his mouth, shuffling past a couple closed doors, listening for any signs of life and hearing nothing, until he shoulders his way into the bathroom and freezes in his tracks, because—

"Hey, uh. You're awake." Steve Harrington blinks at him, standing in front of a plain oval mirror, hairbrush in hand. Which he obviously hasn't used yet, because the bedhead he's sporting is kind of hilarious. It's all fluff in every direction. Billy wants to run his hands through it. 

Worse, though, is the fact that he's bare chested, wearing an unzipped hoodie and soft plaid pants, with all that fucking chest hair, and he's looking at Billy with a curious expression that isn't remotely like any way he's ever looked at Billy before and this is…all very, very strange.

So, obviously Billy's theory about what happened last night was wrong. He's not even back to square one, he has less than no idea what the fuck is happening.

"...Yes," Billy responds after a beat too long. 

Great.

Fantastic.

Very smooth.

The corner of Steve's mouth twitches. There's something soft and warm about the amusement twinkling in his eyes and it's making Billy itch. 

"I think I'm gonna puke."

Steve snorts, and drops his hairbrush on the vanity. "Right, I'll get out of your way then." He sidles past Billy, far too close, patting his shoulder as he passes. Which does not help when he's just barely keeping his shit together.

His footsteps fade down the hallway at Billy's back. And Billy doesn't move. 

What the actual fuck.

He slams the bathroom door shut behind him, and leans his forehead against it, trying to breathe slowly through his nose. 

They didn't have sex last night. There's no way. He did not fuck Steve Harrington.

He couldn't have. Steve would never…

He's not…

That's just. Not what happened. Because that would never happen. 

It kind of looks like that's what happened, but it's not. 

He sits on the floor, head in his hands. And breathes. 

It's unclear how long he stays curled up on cold tile. Long enough that his legs start to feel stiff. Nothing about last night comes back to him. He sighs.

And gets up.

And splashes some water on his face. Drinks a little from the tap. Uses some of the mouthwash he digs out from under the counter. Takes a piss.

He's still unsteady. His temples throb if he moves too quickly. But he feels a little less like roadkill.

Steve waves at him when he spots him coming down the stairs. Waggles his fingers in the air, like they're best buds and this situation isn't the most surreal thing to happen to them since the Byers' weirdly trashed living room.

Billy rubs the back of his neck. "...Hey."

"Coffee?"

"Sure."

Steve pulls out two mugs, one of his thumbs stuck through a hole in the cuff of his sleeve. There's sunlight warming the honey-coloured highlights in his hair.

Yeah, no, this is definitely more fucked up than finding Max in a random house with a busted window and shitty drawings everywhere.

He might actually have lost his mind.

"What the fuck happened last night?" He blurts, his cheeks hot, fingers jittery. He shoves his hands in his pockets, fists balled up against his thighs.

Steve glances at him out of the corner of his eye. "Ah, figures you don't remember."

"Don't remember what?"

"You were pretty out of it."

"Yeah, thanks, I know that part."

Steve snorts, grabbing more things out of cupboards. Billy's paying more attention to his hands than what's in them. "You didn't want to leave, so I let you sleep upstairs."

"...Why?"

"You didn't say, just said you didn't have anywhere else to be."

"That's not what I meant." He knows exactly why he didn't want to leave. All the many reasons why he'd rather be here than under Neil's roof. Or anywhere else. What doesn't make any fucking sense is Steve accommodating him. 

Steve's eyes flicker to his again, briefly, before he turns back to the counter. When he shrugs the nonchalance seems forced. "You're a lot nicer when you're plastered."

"I…" Billy opens his mouth. Shuts it again. 

What the fuck does that mean. 

Steve fidgets with a spoon. "You got…kind of weepy, y'know."

Oh.

Goddamnit.

His shoulders go tense, jagged edges of a shield around what's left of his dignity. "Fuck you, Harrington," he snaps. It's all he can muster when he doesn't know what the fuck he was crying about. Every possibility is worse than the last.

"Yeah, you wish," Steve mutters.

Billy freezes. 

And doesn't recover quick enough to hide it from Steve. Steve's eyebrows shoot up. "Holy shit, it's true isn't it?" He turns around fully, the mess he's made of the counter forgotten. 

Fuck.

"I—don't know what you're talking about." His stupid deer-in-the-headlights expression is mostly under control but the sudden tremble in his voice definitely fucking isn't. 

He backs away a step and then stops. Where the fuck is he going to go, he doesn't know where his car is, where his keys are, and he's fucking barefoot. Running upstairs and locking himself in Steve's bathroom seems just a little too pathetic but that doesn't mean he doesn't consider it.

Billy clenches his jaw. It makes his head pound. "What exactly did I say last night?" He grits out, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Steve eyes him. Slowly, carefully. Deliberating. He chews his bottom lip. The silence is fucking agonizing. 

"Can't tell you," he finally replies, his voice light. One corner of his mouth lifts into half a smile, and scratches his cheek. "I promised I wouldn't tell anyone."

"That's…" Billy rubs his forehead with the palm of his hand, like he's looking for the button to restart his poor, confused brain. He drops his hand, exasperated, eyebrows creeping up to his hairline. "Steve, what the fuck."

Steve cracks a full-blown grin. "I told you I'm good at keeping secrets."

"I swear to god—"

"Aw c'mon, I can't break a promise! Especially 'cause you asked so nicely. You were so polite. It was very cute."

"I…what?"

He can't have heard that right.

Or Steve's just fucking with him. That's what's going on here. Billy let something slip last night and now Steve's holding it over his head. Because why wouldn't he, honestly. He has every reason to want to mess with Billy, and now he's got the perfect leverage.

"Billy." Steve's voice is soft, suddenly. His expression gentles, and he moves to close the gap between them. And Billy…doesn't get it. He's stalled out and stuck trying to figure out how this is gonna go wrong, how it fits into whatever prank Steve is clearly pulling.

He doesn't know what his face is doing, but he's pretty sure he's being way more readable than he'd like. 

He nearly jumps out of his skin when Steve touches him. A hand on his shoulder. A hesitant, awkward pat. Testing the waters, maybe. Trying to make sure he's real, maybe.

Is any of this real? Billy's still not convinced. He can smell Steve's shampoo and see all the little flecks of colour in his eyes and his shoulder is still burning where they made contact, but…

"I'm sorry I hurt you, y'know," Steve murmurs, his gaze dropping, hovering somewhere around Billy's crossed arms. He reaches out again, fingers grazing Billy's knuckles this time. All Billy can do is blink at him, afraid to breathe. "Doesn't have to be like that."

He tugs at Billy's hand, untucking it from the crook of his elbow, unfolding Billy's arms, and Billy lets him. One hand drops to his side and the other stays cradled in Steve's grip. He's…staring at it like he's studying for a test. Billy has no idea what's so fucking interesting, or what Steve's talking about, but he's also not bothered at this point. 

His knees feel like jello. 

"You could've just kissed me."

Billy nearly collapses. Like one of those swooning chicks in shitty romance novels. Breathless and flushed and overwhelmed. Except he just stands there like a moron, staring at Steve. And Steve's mouth.

"What?" he manages not to sound too strangled. Miraculously. 

Steve smiles at him, almost sheepishly. "You still could. I wouldn't mind."

"You…wouldn't."

"Yeah, I mean, if you had morning breath still it might be a different story, but…" Steve gestures vaguely, pulling Billy's hand along with him as he shrugs. 

Billy snorts.

And hey, maybe Steve is messing with him, and this will blow up in his face, but…

Well, he just really wants to kiss him before it does.

So he leans in and presses their lips together. 

~~tag list @spreckle @growup-thatbeautiful @prettyboy-like-you @suddenlyinlove

[starluvsx]

★𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐜

𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Proofread:kinda...not rlly

Wordcount:2266

WARNINGS:throw up/emetophobia , panic attack, crying, this takes place before they’re like famous or wtv.also this is very long.

A/N:ntm on the banner idk what happened😭

“Guess where I’m going tonight”I said to the boy I was on the phone with.my best friend Matt.he was playing video games while I got ready.probably not paying much attention to what I was doing but definitely listening.

“Where?” he questioned as his face twisted into one of frustration.most likely because of the game he was playing.

“I’m going to hailys party” I cheekily said.smiling just at the thought of what tonight would be like.

“Isn’t that like all seniors?” he asked, concern lacing his tone.even though we were both the same age he always acted like my older brother.

"uh yea, i'll be fine dont worry.im not gonna like get fucked by a 20 year old or end up passed out in the street.im a responsible person matt."i rambled on

"i know you are but- shit...seniors can be pretty intense sometimes" the boy on the other line explained

"ill be fine dude, ok anyways, what outfit do i wear?" i said while show-casing two outfits that lay on separate hangers.

"im kinda in the middle of something right now"

"i dont care, just look for a second"

"y/n i litterally cant"

"matthew bernard sturniolo turn your fucking head this direction and help me pick out an outift or i swear to God"

"ok ok jeez" he said as he hesitantly turned to face his phone screen. "i don't like either of them"

"oh fuck you" i said as i put my phone onto its back so i could change into one of the outfits.

✧At the party

a large smile was painted on my face as i swayed my hips to the beat of the music. I've never felt more alive.the freshly poured drink splishing and splashing around in the cup i was holding, small droplets finding a home on my wrist. despite this being me being only a junior i was mixing well with the crowd.not feeling awkward or like i didn't belong for a second

a tap on my shoulder stopped my movements abruptly.i turned around to where the feeling came from only to see the girl that i came here with, Serenity. she looked deepyly upset which wasnt usual for the cheerful girl. "hey sese, whats up?" i yelled over the loud music.im not even sure if she could hear me.

"i feel sick" serenity answered. i quickly grabbed her hand and bee-lined it to the bathroom.she had been drinking alot.way more then me.and i was sure that what she mean t by 'i feel sick' was 'im about to throw up' and i want that to be no where else but the toilet.for her dignity and my sanity.

i banged on the door of the first bathroom i came across. "occupied!" someone yelled from the other side, forcing me to practically drag serenity down the crowded hallway to another bathroom.once we made it to the white door i realized there was no point in knocking because i could hear two drunken people going at it as if it were their last night on earth.

panic began to set in at the same pace as reality.no more bathrooms in sight. shit shit shit i mentally cursed to myslef as i looked over at a half folded over serenity. "y/n i think im gonna throw up"the blonde girl stated

i quietly mumbled "no no your not, please don't, not here" but my pleads were to no eval as once the words left my mouth so did all of the drinks serenity had earlier.it was all over me.my shirt and jeans and even my white shoes. i screamed in panic. tears spilling out of my eyes almost automatically.

as my eyes darted all over the place i noticed the bathroom door where the couple once were fucking was now open.i put my hand on serenities back and shoveled her into the bathroom, careful not to touch any of the vomit on my shirt.she dropped to her knees and went head first into the toilet at the sight of it.the sounds making me gag internally.

i slid down the wall behind me and sobbed.not being able to escape the vomit.i pulled my phone out of my back pocket and opened my contacts.i was about to call my mom to pick me up before i looked at the time. '1:48' it read. she was most definitely asleep. the scrolled through my contacts looking for someone that could come pick me up.

'Matty boy' was the name my eyes locked on, not even waiting a second before calling him.the phone rang longer than i would've liked it to as i pressed it up to my ear. please pick up i mentally begged "hey y/n." a sleepy Matt said on the other line.

i wasted no time "Matt please-please come get me"i choked out through cries.

"what?whats going on?are you ok?"he asked.now sounding more alert and awake

"serenity threw up on me and i-i don't know what to do.please just come get me.please Matt"i begged through the phone.tears sprung out my eyes and rolled down my face, leaving marks of dripping mascara to stain my cheeks.

"ok ill be there in a few minutes.wheres serenity now?"Matt asked.i hadn't even noticed her.i looked down from the ceiling i was staring at and locked eyes with her body.

"she's passed out...o-on the bathroom floor"i slowly got out.

"ok y/n listen to me very carfully,i need you to call haily and tell her serenity is in the bathroom passed out and that you need a chnage of clothes okay?do not leave serenity there." the boy on the other line stated very seriously. i mumbled a small 'okay 'before Matt began talking again "ill be there in a few minutes, don't move from the bathroom."he said before hanging up.silence now filling my ears.

✧Some time later

serenity was now gone after being taken to hailys room so she could sober up.i have a change of clothes on, some large sweat pants and a 'the smiths' t-shirt. although my clothes were now in the washer being clean from throw up, i couldn't get the thought out of my head.

this night, my first real party, had gone to shit.i was tried, scared, my makeup was ruined, my back hurt.i just want to go home. then as if my thoughts were read a knock came at the door. "come in"i lightly shouted.

as soon as the door opened and matt was visible i sprung up from my spot on the floor.hugging the boy before either of us could say anything.sobbing into his shoulder. "its okay.its okay.im here."the brunnete boy said into my hair

he held my back as we walked through the sea of people in order to make it to the exit.drunken others staring at us we walked by.i grabbed my coat which had somehow not bee touched the whole night, a dark blue zip up hoodie.i felt goosebumps go up my arms a I put it on.

the cold air hit my face unexpectidely.the winter weather sending shock through my warm body.a smile krept onto my face for an unidentified reason. i brought my arms over my chest and folded them. "why are you smiling?"matt asked while looking over at me.a smile on his face aswell

"i dont know" i answred with a small giggle.once we finally made it to the car i hobbled myself into the front passenger seat.the car was practically silent as he put the key in the ignition and started it.not much being needed to be said.

Once we pulled out of the carefully chosen parking spot I advised Matt to not drive me home seeing as my mom would probably kill me.a small hum of approval being the only noise to come from him.

This silence was soon followed up with an unexpected “thank you”from Matt. “For calling me when you needed to and not being stubborn”he clarified

A vocal response didn’t seem to fit the situation so I simply nodded in acknowledgment. “My parents are actually out on vacation so there’s no harm in you staying the night by the way, went to Maine or something.” He began to speak.I didn’t respond.only looking out the window infront of me.

“So what was it like?your first senior party?”the driving boy asked as he focused on the road infront of us.the street lights and cars illuminating his pale face.

“Well besides being thrown up on and having a whole panic attack it was pretty good.the drinks were alright and a few guys hit on me but besides that it was just alright”I answered his question.

“Not everything you dreamed of?”matt asked teasingly. Shaking my head no in response “Bummer.well now you get to spend the night with me” he continued as we pulled into his driveway.i never realized how close he lived to Haily.

Once we entered the house I was met with Chris sitting at the kitchen table. “Woah what happened to you”Chris asked.looking up from his cereal and phone.

“A party” I weakly answered.

“Oh is that y/n?”Nick asked from the couch as he turned his head around to face me. “Hey baeee, had a rough night?”he greeted and questioned.

“Rough Night is the understatement of the century”I grumbled as I opened their fridge searching for water.

“You went to hailys party right?yea those seniors are crazy.are those your clothes?”Nick rambled on.

“No these are hailys,serenity threw up on me.”I casually answered,shuddering at the remembrance of what happened.I stretched my arm out to grab the advil in their top shelf.

“Oh gross.you sleeping here tonight?”chris chimed in and asked.

“Yea, no point in going home and getting my ass beat.”I exaggerated

“Where you sleepin?”chris asked again

“Not with you, last time you punched me right in the boob, painful as fuck.”I retorted as I swapped the pills and water.

“Dude it was an accident!i was sleeping!”he answered as he threw his hand sup in defense.making me giggle.

“Not taking any chances”

“Well you can’t sleep with me.”Nick stated suddenly

“Why?”

“My bed is fucking lopsided and I have to sleep on the couch till it’s fixed” Nick said

“Just sleep in Chris’ room”

“He fucking attacks me in his sleep!”

“What about Matt?”

“He’s up too late for me, I need my eight hours but I guess this kid only needs 8 minutes” Nick answered my few questions causing me to lightly laugh

“Ok then I guess I’m sleeping in your room Matty boy”I said, turning to the boy who had just been listening to this conversation silently.

“Ok then cmon,I’m going to bed right now”he tiredly said as he walked in the direction of his room.

“I find that hard to believe”Nick shouted from his place in the couch.

I hugged Chris and Nick before following Matt into his room.

Upon opening the door I saw Matt face down on the mattress. “Jeez I didn’t think you were that tired” I joked as I sat down on the bed next to him.the calming blue led lights coloring us and the rest of the room around us.

He turned his head sideways to face me “I’m always tired”he mumbled.I situated my body so I was now laying next to him more comfortably.we then gradually moved ourselves to face each other while laying on our sides.his eyes staring into mine deeply.

"your beautiful" I whispered under my breath. ive always though Matt was attractive.not in a sexual way but the same way I think Alahna is pretty.but tonight was different.the way the blue lights bounced off his face, and how his messy hair rested almost perfectly on his forehead, or maybe it was how his dark, tired, eyes never seemed to look scary or weird on him.nonetheless he looked a way I don't even think I could describe if you put the words out in-front of me.

"your angelic..." I found myself say as my heart was taking action before my brain.i brushed some hair out of his eyes delicately with my fresh painted nails.he didn't respond, only giving me small smile.i caressed the side of his face with the back of my hand.tracing his facial structure.

"I love you" he abruptly said.the three words causing blood to rush to my cheeks rapidly.my heart besting faster almost as if on command

"I'll always love you more"I solemnly said.not exactly wanting to see his reaction to my words i moved in a little closer and closed my eyes.curling up and grabbing the covers.to my surprise though, after a few minutes I could feel his arm sake over my body and pull me closer.my head resting under his chin lightly.

then we fell asleep peacefully.silently hoping that if we were to never to wake up again that we stay together in the next life

[kuhreem]

i took this photo at a pro palestine demonstration a few weeks ago and have been thinking about it since

i took this photo at a pro palestine demonstration a few weeks ago i have been thinking about it since. i dont really understand why the white christian protestor joining in prayer with all of the muslim protestors effected me so much, but it did. its so easy to fall into a hole of grief and depression, and a lot of times it feels like its almost easier to just keep it to yourself and keep it pushing. im not gonna lie im fucked up after these past few weeks, all of the death and pain ive been seeing will never leave my mind. i cry at least once a day, i feel physically sick, every single day, and im constantly feeling like im not doing enough — and its tough to voice that feeling, even now i feel weird sharing about how weird the genocide in gaza has been making me feel because i have the luxury of doing so from my apartment in boston, so far removed from any of the very real danger palestinians in gaza (and the west bank) are living in right now. showing up at protests, donating, boycotting, and lending my voice, my (small) platform, and privilege to those who dont have the same resources feels like the least i can do, but it also feels like the most which is so frustrating. i wish i could force people to listen to reason but unfortunately thats not how the world works, and when your dms and timelines are being flooded with extremely hateful and dangerous rhetoric its easy to forget how many people are standing with you and standing for palestine. seeing this protestor that looked nothing like me reminded me of that, and made me feel less like all of my efforts were just screams into an echo chamber filled with people who could be my cousins. it proved to me that we have been making an impact, and that was enough to make me feel really good.

for any non/arab readers: i think its especially important when you all speak up and show up to protests and demonstrations because it proves to world leaders that this is a global issue, and that the entire world is watching. not to say that you should speak on things you arent educated about (you shouldnt), but for those of you that have been considering getting more involved but are nervous or unsure of what your impact might be, know that it is very large. 

to any white readers specifically, i want to point out and make sure you all understand just how powerful your voices are in particular. i dont mean to be that guy that always talks about white privilege but you are seen as a voice of reason in this country (the us), and around the world. your opponents arent as quick to label you as a terrorist, or whatever other racist shit they can come up with, so i urge (beg) you to take advantage of that!!  

[yeahiwasintheshit]

watched this movie? doc? idk.. something called 'mondo new york' and man it was a mess. when i saw it i thought it was like a doc about the underground scene of the late 80s in new york, and it kind of is, but its not really a doc. its just a string of scenes from new york in the late 80s, which in itself sounds pretty good, but its kinda lame. like you start off just following this young girl, and she is the viewers kinda guide. where she goes we go. but she never talks or even talks to other people, we are just kinda watching what shes watching. in theory its sounds promising, but it just ends up being boring. and i think they wanted to be like provocative and edgy or something, so we see some fucked up shit like not one, not 2 but a few animal deaths, or maybe its fake, i dont know. either way its not interesting.

we start off and shes at some gritty bar where a woman is performing a song, and at first im like ok this is interesting, but theres no narrator or any commentary, its just a record of this entire song of this persons performance. and its not good. then its like the girl guide just walks away and shes at some kind of maybe poetry slam or something, idk... this weird guy is at a mic and is talking about weird shit. ive been fast forwarding by this point. certainly through the song in the scene before, but this was also bad. this guy eventually takes out 2 live mice from his pockets, and then bites their heads off. it looks kinda real, i mean the mice are 100% real, but just before he bites both their heads off, he does drop his hand out of frame. so that made me think it was more staged than it kinda looked. personally i think its fake. but thats not the last animal death.

then she leaves this poetry thing, after the guy sets off fireworks in his shirt or something dumb. ohhh so edgy! we then go to a punk bar? skin head bar? idk its a room full of white dudes moshing around to punk music and this girl is there. i was also fast forwarding at this point. for no real reason. she then leaves.

she then is at washington square park (daylight now) and theres a comic with a fairly large audience, so i stop it and hes doing some bad comedy. speaking in like "white" waspy voice. i fast forward and stop and hes saying how black people are always late or something, and then saying how puerto ricans have lots of children. its the routine of the pre-internet hack comedian, but he was getting alot of laughs from the crowd. this part was real long! so i fast forwarded thru most of it as he was doing the jewish voice.

she then ends up in like a burnt out building and someone is shooting themselves up with drugs, and this was no joke. very clearly you see blood fill the syringe and he pushes it back. i was sick. there was some talking, but i didnt bother to listen. again i fast forwarded.

shes then talking to some poetry guy in the street, at night now. ummm. oh she ends up in some basement where theyre doing some kind of voodoo something. whats that religion called? santamaria? or whatever. idk all i know is that the guy bites the head off a chicken. this was 100% real, cause those wings were a flapping and blood was squirting and that chicken didnt have a head anymore, and it was in his mouth. i was sickened. but that was not even the last dead animal. ann magnussun shows up and does some bit i was fast forwarding thru, but it ends in her in some field where theres a dead horse and shes beating it with like a stick or something. get it... beating a dead horse. it was so lame, and trying so hard to be idk provocative? interesting? edgy? idk. i was bored, and eye rolling.

but that wasnt even the last animal in the movie being hurt. we also end up in a cock fight. but this thankfully didnt end in a dead animal. the 2 chickens were absolutely fighting, but they didnt have the razors on their claws. the one chicken was pecking blood out the head of the other, but they do make it a point to show both chickens alive at the end of the scene. so whatever

there were other scenes of other things happening, but nothing looked interesting enough to stop fast forwarding. until the end. the final song i stopped and it was actually pretty funny. i tried looking for it on yt, but couldnt find it. it was a drag queen singing a song, i think was called fuck you, and it was kinda funny. he had a sorta fred schneider kinda voice, so it was kinda entertaining. the rest of the movie left such a bad taste, it was a little hard to get over it lol

admittedly out of the whole run time, i prob watched only 35-40 mins of it. so maybe i not the best judge, but if youre reading this, then you know if this is something you care to even watch. i thought it was boring most of the time, and its attempts to be provocative or shocking were really kind dumb and not at all interesting. wow a dead animal... very edgelordy. the only sort of positive i can think of, is the sort of b-roll scenes of 80s new york. kinda cool to see the city and the people back then. i guess.

[inloveforevr]

how do i forgive myself for ignoring my friends' texts and reaching out to check on me, when i was very depressed and dealing with multiple crisis? I stayed away and didnt ask for support and then ghost them. I also didnt connect with other people or post on social media where they could see it and get hurt by me ignoring them.

I just laid low and licked my wounds in private. My issues were not things they could help with (like my marriage having huge fights, unemployment , being sick, my mom being hospitalized)

But i dont know if i deserve to be their friend still?

I feel so overwhelmed with guilt that i dont know how to reconnect with them or how to reply.

Especially when i read posts that say "cut out people who disappear on you" or "its time to drop ppl who dont make an effort to meet u halfway " when i read stuff like this i feel stricken with panic and i afraid that my friends will buy into this narrative or be convinced that i deserve to be cut out.

I feel ashamed and lonely.

More info: the last time we were in touch i used to be there for them and listen to them a lot and host them and take them out when i could. So im not a very useless friend (i think). But im just very bad at keeping in touch when im overwhelmed n hurt by my own life.

Please will you or your followers give me some peace? If you were in my friends' shoes, would you forgive someone like me ? Would you be okay with me reappearing after 2 months?

(Btw me and these friends all reside in different cities so these are all long distance friendships based solely on texting).

I feel so guilty i could die

Hey love, sorry to hear you’re going through all of this. And i’m sorry to hear ab all the difficulties you’re facing.

I know some people like to lay low and deal w their issues first before going to others for support. (i do the same thing!) and as a result, distancing yourself from relationships can make sense.

It’s totally understandable to feel guilty and lonely as a result of all of this.

And regarding the internet’s thinking on relationships & cutting people off - it’s so false. I think it makes sense to end a relationship when it’s abusive/unhealthy - that’s real yknow. But it’s such black and white thinking. Don’t listen to the internet. And i certainly don’t think it applies in this scenario.

You clearly value your friendships and i’m sure they value you and care ab you. Honestly? Shoot them a message, explain what’s been going on. Don’t hold back. Arrange a dedicated time to talk if you can.

We all need friends. And yeah you may feel ashamed and guilty but don’t let it prevent you from reaching out. You need a good support system around you and you don’t want to lose your friends, especially in a time when you’re facing difficulty. Support and community is essential. We all need it. We all need love.

Be honest, and tell them how you feel.

If this was my loved one, i would be concerned more than anything. I love all my friends deeply. I’d want to hear from them and ensure they are okay. I wouldn’t hold it against them if they are already going through a tough time. I’d offer them compassion & empathy.

And you’re not a bad friend. Don’t believe that thought. The fact you asked this shows you care.

Please take care of yourself. Ensure you are leaning on your support system. If therapy is available to you, it may also be worth considering. Sometimes you need a safe space to process what is going on. It sounds like you’re going through a lot of stress.

I hope it all goes well ❤️

And if any if my followers have any further advice pls add thank U!

[mallowmaenad]

my new political ideaology is that I get a device called the dipshit detector that removes self-important white people’s ability to use cellphones for 1 month and I don’t fucking care if this is a fascist dictatorshit i actually would turn joe biden into joe woke and donald trump into pronoun trump if i see one more loud mouthed straighty act like their opinion fucking matters im introducing their shy 9 year old son to my little pony i cant fucking take this shit yes fuck it throw republicans in concentration camps they’re practically begging for it they wont shut the fuck up about how theyre gonna be hunted down and killed wish granted bitch blam blam its wabbit season bitch im sick of liberals im sick of voting im sick of norway if youre even slightly uncomfortable around gay people you should be set on fire black power asian power jewish power latino power and i fucking mean it im not just buying the stupid 30$ tshirt on fckhate.com the worst thing to ever happen in american history is abraham lincoln not publicly executing every confederate general and outlawing slavery full stop we literally live in starship troopers we are trapped in a shitty gmod half life dark rp server yeah I do think you’re basically a terrorist if you go to disney land and i also think that if the first words out of your mouth when the rustbelt gets set on fire is “those dirty rednecks deserve it” ill show you a fucking redneck you fucking yank prick you fucking racist i wish hilary clinton would explode on live tv charitys are fucking fake theyre as fake as those cardboard towns in north korea oppenheimer was a limpdick pussy and fallout is becoming a game franchise that fetishizes the mass genocide of asians and i want todd howard pinned under a large rock for it spec ops the line wasn’t ugly enough there is a conspiracy started by the cosmetics, nutrition and fashion industry in collaboration with the upper class descendants of fucking typhoid “moneybags” marys to fool the masses that fat people aren’t hot as fuck. My body and mind and soul degrade with the week because of yhe shit ass menial labor yhey made me do and the fucking lead in gasoline and world war 1 started a chain reaction of fathers beating their kids and wives because it’s cheaper to buy a gun than go to therapy because we’re fucking warhammer orks without any of the endearing mental stupidity we live in mordor. we live in fucking mordor. it literally does not matter who is president our two political parties are Nazis and Neo-Nazis bernie sanders was the closest thing to a centrist this country has ever seen. capitalism grinds up joy into a paste to divvy out on 500$ gucci toothpicks public urination should be legal rent is theft corporations are agents of satan who is jesus christ who is not jesus of nazareth jesus christ is the poster boy of white supremacy i fucking hate Hamilton white people should listen to MORE rap i want to get my dick sucked at a death grips concert. Laundromats and burger joints where you can get a meal for 5$ are far more important than police stations and walmart. pop anarchists want to personally confiscate your wheelchair uou fuckers treat yhis like a game fuckin e girls with hammers and sickles in their icons arguing about what form of communism or socialism or whateverism is right when bitch that is a pipe dream you are going to die in captivity arguing about which dragon ball z character is the strongest (girl broly) at least go punch a hole in your wall and fuck it to prove you’re human you facebook fetishist jesus christ every other day i want a biblical death just so my fucked up thouhhts mean something i need a fuckingjason vorhees bitch wheres the yandere tea party this is all so fucked up its not fucking real the christian god hates you whoever says otherwise is trying to make you a fucking slave. Mormonism and scientology should be wiped off the map any religion formed after the invention of the gun is a fucking pyramid scheme i wish i was a 9 foot toll shark lady with hugebrealssta so i could fucking knock over thechrystler building

DO 9/11 AGAIN

[geroya]

HAPPY KEME DAY!!!!! KEESES FOR U AND KEME <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 for the details about ocs: ✈️, 🎮, 🎶, 🔶, 🐷, 🤍, 😞, 🤒 <3 <3 <3 <3

HAPPY KEME DAY JO !!!!!! KEESES FOR UUUUU FROM ME & KEME 💞💞💞

send me oc asks for keme's birthday !

✈️ AIRPLANE — does your oc like traveling, or do they consider themselves a more homey person?

keme likes traveling ! he likes to get out of the house & do activities, however, he very much IS someone who depletes if he spends too long away from an environment that he finds familiar. 

🎮 VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER — what are three of your oc's favorite hobbies?

COOKING, obviously. gardening !!!! & tending to his horse, spending time with his horse, riding his horse. if he could spend all day with his horse he would <3

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

keme is the type to have a whole zipper case of cassettes in his truck & will yank it out to flick through, fumbling around with this... strange precision to find the one he's looking for, and toss it into ur lap so that u can be in charge of putting it in. he's not a fan of most online music libraries (he doesnt really USE his mobile phone a lot for anything other than communication so…). & yeah ! he does listen to music often, it occupies his mind. he enjoys dancing, & can be found humming or whistling a tune whenever he's working in the kitchen or on the ranch. he also has a very nice voice.

as for the kind of music he listens to, i KNOW he listens to chris isaak & bruce springsteen & kate bush. i also think he would listen to the mountain goats & deftones ! 

🔶 LARGE ORANGE DIAMOND — does your oc know cpr? do they have any other medical expertise?

keme knows cpr. i think he would've taken a class at some point bc he was interested & bc it might help save someone while he was working. 

his other medical expertise is extended towards the first aid & care of ranch animals & the like. however, he knows how to staunch a wound & is pretty calm around blood & gore. 

🐷 PIG FACE — what is your oc's favorite animal?

HORSES <3 KEME IS THE ALL-TIME HORSE GIRL <3

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

trying to recall some of keme's more neutral/questionable traits has been SO difficult bc i am SOOO in love with him & even if he is so aloof & unforthcoming to the point that it will make you wanna rip your hair out, it only makes me wanna twirl my hair at him more. im obsessed. 

on that note, & a bit contrary to those two aforementioned traits of his, keme savors experiences, especially new ones: going to new places, participating in new activities, meeting new people. the latter is something he especially likes to savor and thus, can come on a little strong, even while remaining his strange sort of… aloof, distant, etc. he's kind of… intense. the sort of person to hold eye contact through your entire conversation, speak at a level volume & ask an immense amount of questions. & like, this isnt really… QUESTIONABLE, but i think it's neutral, not necessarily positive or negative bc i think for some people that could be. strange, or uncomfortable, while others that could be a good indication that he's interested in what they have to say (he is.) or who they are. 

😞 DISAPPOINTED FACE — does your oc attract others, or do they tend to be left alone?

keme attracts others rather easily, though, he is rather emotionally distant towards strangers & most acquaintances, & for some people that wards them off, while others just think he's even MORE attractive for it. 

🤒 FACE WITH THERMOMETER — does your oc get sick easily?

no. he never gets sick. if he ever were to become sick, it would have to be by something otherworldly & it would hit him like a ton of bricks bc he's never had the chance to really. like experience it for himself. (DONT MIND ME. JUST. IMAGINING MAKING HIM SOUP & BRUSHING HIS HAIR AWAY FROM HIS FACE & &&-)

[kittycatlovesships]

Evil eye- The Demon in the Church's walls

It was a quiet Sunday night. Alas was busy sitting in the confession booth, allowing people to come in and allow their thoughts out, while he writes on his piece of papers some ideas of what to talk about next Sunday's session.

As Alas wrote his idea in the wooden booth, a candle being his only company, he heard the door of the church open, a loud clack of heels on polished tile could be heard throughout the dark church. There was a sudden cold sweat that beaded down Alas's back of his neck that gave him a feeling that this felt different. He wasn't able to peak fast enough before the sound of the door on the other side of the confession stand opened and closes, the wood creaking as whoever sat down.

There was a long silence till a familiar snarky voice broke it "I know you're in there tough guy-" he laughed, hitting the wooden wall separating there "so how about this Daddy soapbox, you're sitting there to hear the sins of the community... So let.. ~me~ to let your light shine apon my sins~" Alas couldn't look at the side the voice was talking on... This was not what he was expecting...

Alas's eyes closed tight as the man started to say the darkest stuff he did, torturing man that didn't pay up, killing 'Johns' that got a little forceful, drugging up people for his pimp, and much more disgusting things, it nearly brought him to vomiting.

It didn't even register his voice moved til the door opened on his own side of the box and was met with a curvy figure in an all black outfit, the only things that wasn't covered was his face, tho the only thing that stood out was the man's bright red eyes and pale dusty blonde hait.

"Awwww is the priest disgusted with a little ol' whore?~" The albino in black cooed, his eyes piercing the priest's being. Alas closed his eyes again tight and shook his head "No-" Alas said through clenched teeth "I'm n-"

Alas felt his head hit the wooden back of the box hard as the man grabbed his hair "listen hear you lieing mother fucker-" cussed the man as he slammed Alas's head into the back again. "- you are a SICK son of a butch, coming into my workplace, just to sling your holy dick around like you owned the place, standing on your soapbox while telling my coworkers that they could 'come to your church if they need to day away from everyone- blah blah blah"

Alas, through his pounding head, spoke softly "I wanted to help make sure they knew a safe pl-" The red eyed man slammed his head against and started to pull him out and throw him into the tiled floor, a dark smeer showing against the pure white tile.

"Don't you DARE be on your high horse now you fucking bitch" growled the man as the click of his heels followed the man's body, that shookily went to sit up.

"Im sorry I won't-" Alas wheezed, feeling a sharp heel kickin him to his back again."-Sorry won't fucking cut it, I don't want you anywhere NEAR that fucking club or any building close to it, keep you snobbish bitch of a religion OUT of my sights got it? "

Alas wheezed, trying hard to speak, feeling another stomp of the heel, and a intense sound of a rib break "Y-yes..." Was all Alas could muster. There was an almost feminine laugh that araised out of the curved figure "great, now, let's keep this between us okay Daddy~? " The man hummed, walking over Alas and back down the church's isle to back out into the world.

It was once again quiet, the only thing Alas could hear was his pounding heart and weak lungs. He slowly started to stand up once he regained a bit more consciousness, he crawled to the Wall phone that was placed for emergencies... He hated using It, but it was an emergency.

9...1...1

"Hello 911 what's your emergency? "

Alas wheezed as he tried to speak "eight.. Tw.. Enty.. Fi.. Ive... west... Lake... "

"Sir are you okay, do you need an ambulance? "

"Y-yess... " was all he could muster til he felt his body finally collapse into the concussion he was given.

[bread--quest]

[ID: A black-and-white comic featuring Spider-Man and Mary Jane. Mary Jane looks up at a "thwip" sound effect and sees Spider-Man swinging across the sky, with one arm in a sling. As he lands on a streetlight, she yells "What the F--- are you doing?!" in all caps, causing the other people in the crowd to turn and look at her. Spider-Man says "Oh- uh, heeeeyyy, Doc!" Mary Jane points and yells "I told you no swinging for a week!" Spider-Man points at his arm in the sling and says "But I'm not using my arm, see?" The crowd turns to look at Spider-Man.

Spider-Man, still on the streetlight, says "I've got the sling on so it's fine! It's not a big deal! Chill out!" Mary Jane glares, red lines filling the panel around her to indicate anger, and then yells "That's not the point, you idiot! If you dislocate something once, it's easy for it to happen again!" One of the men in the crowd says "Hey, she's right, Spider-Man, you should listen to her. My cousin? He's dislocated his elbow, like, four times. You gotta be careful." Spider-Man replies "Hey, butt out, man! This is between me and the doc, awright? Doctor-patient confidentiality or whatever." The man says "What?" and someone else in the crowd says "Yo, she's a doctor and you're still not listening to her?" "Is it because she's a woman?" adds someone else. "Wh- No!!!" Spider-Man replies. "Dude, that's messed up," says someone else. Spider-Man, visibly annoyed, says "Look, it's none of anyone's business, okay?! I didn't ask all of New York for it's opinion here!"

The whole crowd begins to speak over each other. "Come on, man, what are you doing?!" "New York's not gonna blow up just cuz you gotta take a sick day!" "Yeah, we've only got one Spider-dude and that's you!" "I love m-" "Don't be an idiot!" "Take-" "Think- man, you- gonna" "Go home! Put your feet up!" Spider-Man thwips a strand of webbing offscreen and leaps off the streetlight as he says "Oh nooo, look, it's the Rhino! I gotta go fight him or whatever! Bye, everyone! (Geez.)"

It then shows a series of texts between Spider-Man and Mary Jane, who's staring angrily at her phone. Spider-Man: "im on the subway now" "please dont do that ever again". Mary Jane: "If you're going to ask me for medical advice and then ignore it I'm not going to help you any more. End of." Spider-Man: "k". End ID.]

[ramonathinks]

just read the nanami fic n omg? not him airing our business like that all willy nilly, especially writing about our sex life, like my blood pleasure would’ve been rising, i would’ve need to be put in a mental institution w the way mfs are slandering my character O_O and on top of that he was the one breaking the relationship up, he must’ve been on that funny white powder >.> got me shaking like a leaf n feeling like a wild beast with rabies, i would need to be shot three times with horse tranquilizer. dissolving into sea foam n disintegrating into dandelion seeds. my stomach literally clenched w every word i read, shakespeare got nothing on u bae ;,3 nanami literally was twisting my heartstrings in this i could slap him. but its good to know he wasn’t sleeping around n giving everyone a sample of his meat >.< the smut had me curling my toes n filled me up with primal lust n my clit is literally throbbing lmfaoooooooooo

glad u loved them and i use to have writing blog on here back in 2021 but i fear im too scared to make another, for now ill continue to be hidden away in ur inbox till i make a blog ;c

btw were u listening to any kind of music when you wrote matters of the heart?

-🎀

ahhh hiii 🎀🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️, yes he’s actually very sick for that and your description of everything has me giggling 😭😭 cause i get it, but idk he was laying it right and had reader going cross eyed but EYEE and many others wouldn’t have forgive him. but in the original it was reader who broke up with him so he wrote the books BUT i changed it when i was writing the scenes with shoko which i kindaaaa regret bc even though i like it, i also think that her breaking up with him would’ve warranted more of the book than this way😓 but regardless he would’ve been in the wrong for airing their business out! & honeyyyy, not you saying shakespeare got nothing on meee? little ole me??

my heart is weepinggg, that’s so sweet! and im glad a lot of people liked the smut (it seems) because i actually didn’t like it ngl, i feel like writing that 8some has took a troll on my smut because nothing makes me feel it, like it used too.

oh nooo :( did something happen that made you leave? im happy you’re hear with me and been here with me! 💕💕 hope you been well and just everything btw!!

some of the stuff i was listening to when writing

[caramelmochacrow]

every time i finish a term/quarter of school, i just have. thoughts.

cut bc. yeah.

i really hate my full name. not because (or not just because) it's my technical dead name, but because of how no matter what, people mispronounce it. no matter where i am.

my first and second names are literally pronounced how they are spelt. it's quick, simple and fine. but my classmates (before NZ) kept mispronouncing my first name. i just stopped correcting it after a week because they weren't good with english (well, most) so i understood why. my second name is the easiest to pronounce among my names, but not for kiwis.

they say it without the slightly hard R in my name. they say it softly, as though it were an L. i understand why, i know why. but i feel so sick of it, like it isnt me. that isnt how you say it. im not that person.

the only people who pronounce it right are a few maori students, international students, and just people who are not white. my friends -- most of whom are around asia -- pronounce it with an R. every time i hear them call my name i feel comfortable, i am that person. i dont even care that it's my technical dead name. that's me.

every time, one of my friends always say it w the R like that. like, consistently. and i feel happy thinking about it.

but you know what? a teacher still manage to literally mispronounce it so bad it's a whole other name.

the teacher that was supposed to say my name in my award ceremony today managed to say it w an i before. like. how!?!?!?!?!?!??! there is no i. there is a fucking L. like. ????

in the ceremony, she managed to pronounced my name right, but my last name was always. consistently. mispronounced. im not surprised bc it was spanish. but it's just. yeah wow. okay. sure. whatever. the staff will apologize when they mispronounce one of the maori students' name, but not THREE of the filipino students called to be given an award? okay. that's fine. whatever. tagalog is hard to pronounce. who gives a fuck. tagalog isnt well know to the point people call it 'filipino' EVEN THOUGH. SAYING TAGALOG IS FILIPINO. IS LIKE SAYING "OH, HINDI IS THE SAME AS PUNJABI" EVEN THOUGH IT FUCKING ISNT. OR EVEN "HINDI IS INDIAN." LIKE. !?!?!?!? IT'S LIKE YOUR SAYING THE NORTH ISLAND DIALECT OF MAORI IS THE SAME AS THE SOUTH ISLAND DIALECT.

it's saying ilocano isnt a thing, bisaya isnt a thing, like. all of the dialects in the philippines dont fucking exist. you are erasing my fucking history bitch.

people not knowing is fine, i know people don't know, but when i correct you more than once, i think you should get it in your head now. most of the maori students say 'tagalog' rather than 'filipino' but holy shit most if not ALL of my white classmates (except for my friends) say filipino. you SPEAK filipino. you're speaking FILIPINO.

I AM FILIPINO THANK YOU BUT IT'S TAGALOG. I SPEAK TAGALOG. like.

it must be bc of how much my schools told me to be proud of my heritage but every time people get something slightly wrong, i get annoyed. not to the point i scream at them, but i just get annoyed and think 'that's wrong.... but eh they not've known' and move on.

one of my classmates yelled to my filipino aquaintance that she only knew 'filipino' songs. im sorry bitch but what the actual fuck makes you think she doesnt know a single 'western' song? fucking cunt. dont assume shit. she knows english songs you just love thinking that all filipino people arent smart. also the way she said it made it sound like she only knew 'tagalog songs'. as if opm doesnt have any english songs. opm means original pinoy music, not only ptagalog music. it means music made by filipino people. you know IV of spades? they made songs like 'come inside of my heart', 'hey barbara'. which are all in english.

lola amor? they made 'maybe maybe' which is all in english.

actually yk what im gonna listen to some opm rn.