not to expose myself as a cavetown fan (HDJFJS) but i was listening to alone from his new album (i added it to xie lian’s playlist a while ago) and it hit like so much harder now that i finished the books
⚠️ spoilers for book 6!! (i think) (white calamity arc) (anyways) ⚠️
"I feel like I bought all my friends
Am I your bud or your boss?"
this one reminds me of when mq left and xl started kind of panicking. he thought mq left because he didn't care enough to stay now that he wasn't getting paid, and gave his last valuable possession in an attempt to ensure that he would stay. he doesn't have a great sense of whether or not what he had with mq and fx was friendship (IT WAS BECAUSE I SAID SO AND BECAUSE THEY SHOW EACH OTHER SO MANY TIMES THAT THEY GENUINELY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER) and he thought he had to keep paying fx off.
but fx was genuinely sticking around because he was loyal and because he cared about what happened to xl :(
"I'm wanting to beg 'em to stay
I'm wanting to be who they choose
But still I keep pushing away
From people I don't wanna lose"
xl truly did not want to lose fx after everything that happened. he lived in that constant state of fear that fx would disappear and he'd be alone, and did so much to try to make sure it wouldn't happen.
in the end, the anxiety and fear was too much for him and he pushed fx away for good. he described the feeling of freedom of that fall. he was the one to cut fx off and make him leave, and it gave him the power. he made the decision and he made the final move, and when fx left he didn't ever have to think about how he might've felt if fx was the one who left him of his own will.
"Isn't it fun to be alone?
Isn't it what you want?
Isn't it something you've been looking for?
Isn't it fun?"
after slowly pushing everyone away and ending up entirely alone, and after everything that happened with wu ming, xl would've never admitted that it wasn't really what he wanted. not after wu ming. so he kept acting like that was what he wanted, like he wasn't feeling lonely, like it didn't hurt, because he wanted to feel pain and suffer for everything that he took as his own blame. he saw it as his fault, all a product of his own foolishness and selfishness and naivety, so the loneliness he chased was his curse to bear.
SORRY IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE OR. IS INACCURATE. I'M JUST YK GOING INSANE W MY THOUGHTS JAHSDGFASD
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barotrauma thought
what if the assistant could twerk to deal damage.
i think if its an abyss monster it deals 6x damage... but u have to be out with no diving suit.... Yeah.
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
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priest guy sending mixed signals, what is he up to?🤨🕶🤏
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[Image Description: A warm-toned comic featuring Trigun98 characters. It opens with Vash shouting "YOWCH!!" as a half-eaten donut flies through the air, a bruise on Vash's tongue. Meryl, editing papers, is annoyed as he complains: "Ow! Ow! I bi'e my 'ongue..." "What's the rush?" Meryl asks, "They're all yours." Vash, still hurt, tries to explain: "They're jus' sooo good!" Meryl argues back, "Well, savour it then!" Wolfwood has been watching the scene unfold as Meryl continues, "Satisfying your sweet tooth doesn't come cheap, unfortunately." Wolfwood clicks his lighter open and closed, again and again. Without a word, he leans closer, his thumb on Vash's lips. "Wolfwood...?" Vash trails off. Then, Wolfwood opens Vash's mouth and knicks his thumb on one of Vash's canines in one fell swoop. "Wah? Huh??" Vash says as Wolfwood pulls his bleeding thumb away. He licks the blood off the wound then snickers at Vash. Meryl looks disgusted, Vash has lit up in an embarrassed explosion, and Milly remarks, curious: "Those are surprisingly sharp, Mr. Vash!" Question marks float around Vash, and his donuts lay discarded on the table. Each panel is signed by raepliica. End ID]
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