#im so mad i need to go eat a bagel

[hellenhighwater]

I was waiting for something and wound up watching part of an episode of the Apprentice UK and discovered a new fun fact about myself: watching people who claim to be good at negotiating fuck up literally the most basic negotiation tactics fills me with a wild animal rage

[adjectiveadjectiveadjective]

GOOGLE! tell me how to get this my future mother in law to buy basic necessities like Bread! Milk! Eggs! and Meat!

fuming in tags btw

[hotch-stufff]

Surprise, Surprise

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x F!reader

Warnings!: there are no warnings, im not telling you a single thing. It's a surprise. Just read and find out ;)

Also, as much as I love him, Jack does not exist in this story, wasn't really sure how to write him in.

Author's Note: I'm so sorry that I haven't written in a while, I have had no inspiration and my bf dumped me so... ya'know that was nice. Anyways, finally getting some inspo, hopefully I will be writing more. Hope you guys enjoy this one :) Also, the mood board is mine, but the images are all from pintrest.

Word count: 1.4 k words

This is an emotional roller coaster

------------

You couldn't breathe.

You couldn't move, or speak.

Your knees gave out as you fell to the floor, sobs racking your body.

You felt arms wrap around you, but it didn't help. You were suffocating. He was your air, and he had just been ripped from your lungs. 

He was gone, dead.

Your husband.

The love of your life.

Aaron Hotchner was dead

* * *

You don't remember anything after the doctor uttered those words. You don't remember Rossi picking you up and holding you. You don't remember the sad glances, the tears shed by your teammates. You don't remember the car ride to your now empty shared apartment. You don't remember lying down and sobbing into the pillow for hours.

No, you only remember the pain. The unbearable pain of loss.

He was gone. Really gone.

You cried and cried for hours on end. Until you had no tears left to shed. 

Then you just lied there, staring at the wall, gripping his favorite shirt in your arms, remembering every little moment with him.

And it hurt like hell just thinking of everything you did with him. The day you met. Your first kiss, your first date. The day he proposed. Your wedding. Every little thing. 

And you wouldn't be able to do anything else. You wouldn't have kids with him. You guys had just talked about having a baby just the other day. He wanted one so bad. 

You shouldn't have waited.

Because now, now he was gone.

* * *

The next few days were a blur. You found yourself with home-cooked meals overflowing your fridge. A team member at your house every night. But it was all a blur.

All meaningless without Aaron.

The funeral was coming up. You didn't make any arrangements, you asked Rossi if he could handle it and he quickly agreed. 

He had taken care of finding the casket, picking a place, and finding a burial site. Everything. 

The only thing you had asked for was a closed casket.

You couldn't handle looking at him.

* * *

On the day of the funeral, the girls all came over to help you get ready. 

"Alright y/n, do you have a dress?" Penny asked as she walked out of kitchen.

"In the closet." You croaked. Your voice being hoarse from the crying and lack of speaking for the past two weeks.

"Okay I'll grab that, and shoes. Jj is going to make you breakfast and Em is going to do your hair okay?" You gave her a sad smile and a small okay.

Penny quickly walked back your hallway as Em began pulling your hair back in a low ponytail. You felt the tears begin slipping down your face once again.

Jj saw as she walked back in the room with a bagel and coffee.

"Oh sweetheart." And the dam broke. They comforted you the best they could. But they couldn't even imagine what you were going through, because he was gone.

* * *

The funeral was a blur. It seemed like everything was these days. 

It was a beautiful service. You don't remember much. Lots of hugs and 'sorry for your loss's.

It had gone quickly, and soon you found yourself in Rossi's living room. Everyone but the team had left, you sat alone. The rest were in the kitchen cleaning up.

You didn't move from your spot, sipping your wine.

Everyone walked in, and found spots around you.

It was silent. Not a single word was spoken.

"I'm taking a leave of absence." You spoke.

6 pairs of eyes shot to you, but they couldn't say they were surprised.

"It's just too much. I'm not ready to come back." Your voice was quiet. Rossi was the first to say anything.

"Take all the time you need." 

* * *

And you did. You spent about 3 months in that apartment, alone and sad and heartbroken. 

But you realized that Aaron would never want you to live like this. And you really needed to be able to pay the bills.

So after those 3 months, you gave Rossi a call. He had become until chief since you had left, and he instantly accepted you back to the team.

You were slowly getting better. 

Each passing case a distraction. 

Each one fixing you just a bit more. 

Each one giving your life a purpose, a meaning again.

And you felt better. You stopped crying yourself to sleep. You stopped sitting in silence for hours on end. You stopped crying every time you thought about him.

But you still visited him every week. You still thought about him everyday. You still wore your wedding rings, refusing to take them off.

But you were better. 

* * *

A few more months went by and you started going out with the team again. You spent more time with them. Almost every weekend. And you were somewhat okay.

And it wasn't until about 8 months after his death did your world come to another crashing halt.

You had been called in to the BAU, not entirely sure why, but you came in none the less. 

You figured it was a case, but Jj hadn't specified on the phone, which was strange.

You had walked up to the conference room, and were surprised to see the whole team sitting there ready to go. 

"Hey guys, do we have a case?" You asked, but Jj sent you a sad look causing you to grow worried.

"Y/n, you should sit down for this." You had no idea what was going on. What on earth was happening. "Peter Raymond recently resurfaced, and was taken into custody this morning about an hour ago. He resisted arrest and pulled a gun on an officer. He was shot and killed." Your heart hammered in your chest. He was gone. The bastard who killed your husband was gone. Rossi stood walking towards Jj.

A pit grew in your stomach, there was more, something you didn't know.

"8 months ago I made a decision that greatly affected this team. Aaron Hotchner received substantial injuries from the wounds he endured, but his surgery was a success and he was airlifted to an unknown location. His identity was changed in order to keep him safe. But he is alive." 

You couldn't believe your ears. He was alive. Alive? 

Your eyes shot to the door and there he stood. 

Aaron Hotchner. 

You couldn't breathe. 

You couldn't move or speak. 

He was alive, you should be ecstatic.

But you only felt anger.

Your eyes shot to Rossi.

"How dare you." You whispered out, surprising the team. You weren't an angry person, you never yelled at your teammates. But you, you were seething. "How could you do that. You knew he was alive and yet you let me suffer. You watched as I cried day and night. You watched as I let myself go, as I lost myself." You shook your head in anger.

Aaron stepped forward reaching out for you, but you shook your head.

"Dont touch me. Don't fucking touch me." You felt the tears fall down your face. Again. "You left me. You're dead. You're gone. Y-you left." You were shaking and crying and once again Aaron reached out for you, but this time you let him.

He brought you into a crushing hug, holding you like you had begged to be held for months. 

He was here, really here. You could smell and feel and see him. He was really here.

"Y-you bastard. You left me." You whispered desperately as you cried into his shirt. 

The team was quick to disperse. They too were mad at Rossi, and they wanted to reunite with Hotch. But they left you be, at least for now.

Aaron pulled back slightly, looking down at you.

"Sweetheart I'm so sorry. I wish I didn't have to. But he would have killed you and then he would have killed me." He had tears running down his face as well now. But you were so angry at him.

You pushed him away.

"I could have gone with you Aaron. You could have gone into witsec. You didn't need to fake your fucking death Aaron!" You yelled at him. you couldn't even believe you were eating this conversation.

"Y/n please, I'm so sorry." You were mad yeah, but you were so overwhelmingly relieved that it overpowered your anger. "I missed you sweetheart." He whispered out and you broke just a little bit more.

"You bastard. Y-you stupid man." You pulled him back to you and slammed your lips together. "You stupid, stupid man." You gasped out between kisses. 

"I know, I'm so sorry. I love you." He stated after you pulled away.

"I-I love you too." You were sobbing at this point.. "Don't ever do that to me again." He nodded, leaning in to kiss you again.

And you kissed your husband.

Because he wasn't gone. 

He was right here.

And god did it feel amazing to have him back

------------

Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! Currently I'm only taking requests from my prompt list, which is right here! School is starting up soon though, so i may not be writing very often, but i will definitely try! Anyways, if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

[careless-and-sad]

Roommate and Relapse

Okay so last semester I had a dorm all to myself but this semester I am rooming in a (small) dorm with my best friend from elementary school. Don’t get me wrong I love her and love living with her, we get along perfectly. However, its weird being around someone 24/7 especially during a relapse. Since we are all online from school we spend most of the day in our room and its reallyyyy hard to hide the fact that im restricting. I thought she didnt notice until she offered me a bagel and I said yes ofc because i dont want to be sus but i obviously didnt eat it and threw it away. Then we went out to dinner and drinks with another friend and they were trying to decide what to get and what i wanted so i just said i wasnt hungry and she was like “well you didnt really eat anything all day” but in a mad sounding way?? i ended up eating some of it bc 1. i was paying for it either way. and 2. i didnt need any more suspicion. To make it even worse tho, she always claims to have an ed and body dysmorphia (undiagnosed lol unlike me) and i feel like shes gonna make it a competition. and i also dont want to trigger her or anything because she doesnt deserve it, i do. Also, she told me that she wanted to kill herself the other night when i was out with a boy so i have obviously been checking up on her all the time since then, yet when its pretty clear that im struggling she acts mad? im not trying to invalidate her ofc but i feel like she wants to be the “most depressed” or whatever. I also started cutting again which she can NOT find out about because i have a feeling that will make her do it and ofc i dont want that. Its just weird not being able to lie and say that i already ate since she knows that i didnt because i didnt go anywhere that i could have. Thought about just eating and purging but oh surprise! we also share a bathroom that is right next to the bedroom. Idk man why do i care about other people when they clearly dont care as much about my health. i also shouldnt feel bad about possibly “triggering her” because she does that all the mf time by saying shes so depressed or almost tried to kill herself. Like does she want me to walk in from a date and find her dead?? lokey inconsiderate. ik its not her fault but i know for damn sure i wouldnt do that no matter how depressed i am. anyways, i dont expect anyone to read this but if you do some advice would be helpful :)

[transmasc-malleus]

Vent post DON’T REBLOG

Man i just. love when I try to have an honest conversation with dad about my weird pains and he just passive aggressively is like “Maybe you’ll listen to the doctor when they tell you to change your diet and move more.” Like ah yes. It’s because I’m fat that pokes in my arm cause a lot of pain. It’s my lack of gym time that causes my chronic pain. And then the audacity to double down and look at the ramen im cooking THAT HE’S NEVER SEEN ME EAT ONCE and have him act like its all I eat,, “Oh look at all this sodium, wasn’t your blood pressure high?” Yeah. Cause oh my hypothyroidism. That causes my blood pressure to be high. And also causes my body to sustain its’ fat supply. And then for him to get all “Oh i just want what’s best for you I don’t wanna be mean” when I start acting cold and not responding. That’s been his solution for every health problem in my life. “Just eat better and exercise!” Yeah that really helped when I almost died from a cyst on my ovary that you said was just cause I don’t move my body enough. 

And then grandma comes down and starts shit about how I “started a war” by moving the bagels I PAID FOR and saying that I wanna be able to eat them. The fucking audacity to pull “I NEVER let you go hungry, I always provided for you! If there was only one left of something I always gave it to you!” YEAH CAUSE I WAS A FUCKING CHILD YOU BITCH. you want a pat on the back for doing the BARE MINIMUM? And then to get just. SO mad at me for DARING to keep my things seperate cause “We share everything in this house!” Bitch no we don’t cause you fucking eat it all as soon as its here and then say “If you didn’t want me eating it then label it saying so!” But then you fucking trap me and cry to dad about how I’M the bad guy even though I’m doing exactly what you told me to do. Fuck you. Fuck you. I hate you so fucking much I can’t even stand it. To try and guilt me by saying “This tells me everything I need to know about you.” With such disgust in your voice. Fuck you for trying to make it seem like i fucking stole from you cause i DARED to move the food YOU wanted. To go on and on about how you’re such a better person than I and that i’m the big ol mean granddaughter who’s just mean to you for “no good reason”. Fuck you for  saying “what goes around comes around, you’ll get what’s coming to you” over FUCKING BAGELS. I COULD FUCKING HURT YOU. But you’re too up your own ass to think, “Hm. Maybe I’m pushing my granddaughter to the brink after years and years of emotional and mental abuse. Nah. I have her too wrapped around my finger for that.” One day I’m going to have Enough and I won’t give a shit if dad’s in the room or not. I’m tired of sparing his feelings because he sure as fuck doesn’t care about mine. I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. I can’t take it anymore. I can't. I can’t keep being retaumatized by her. and for what? For WHAT? So that I can suffer at her hand and she gets off scott free cause “She loves me in her own way”? Because she’s “too old to change”.  Fuck off. Everyone in this fucking house. Everyone. They all fucking disgust me. Fuck you for making so i can’t even eat because I feel so sick being here. Fuck you for making me feel like I’m “some crazy psycho going after a sweet old grandma” and that I just have to let it go. I can’t wait until she gets what’s coming to her. I can’t wait until the day she cries to dad wondering why I never call. I can’t wait for dad to wonder the same thing. I don’t need anyone in this fucking family. I’m working my ass off and then I’m fucking gone. You’ll never see me again. And you’ll blame me for being the oversensitive one. And that’s fine. Because you’ll be the ones struggling and upset that I’m not around. I never should have moved into this house. The only way they’ll understand is once I’m gone. They’ll never listen to me. I’ll always be the black sheep. I’ll always be the bad guy. So fuck it. I’ll be the fucking bad guy

[underoos-shield]

without a word xiii

summary: peter is so softhearted and timid and meek, and y/n can’t help but show her concern

warning: fluff, angst

A/N: hello babies. this chapter is dedicated to my sweet girl @nostalgictom. thank you so much for continuing to share your sweet words about my fic💗welcome to chapter 13 babies. hope you guys enjoy

<<12

much to his own surprise, peter walks back into midtown high the next day. he doesn’t know if it’s because he’s getting better at processing his emotions or if it’s because of y/n... but in either scenario, he’d still see her and that was enough for him.

he misses her gentle touch and the way her voice sounds almost velvet-like, smooth and inticing. he craves her, in the most innocent way possible... just wanting to hold her hand and smell the different scented shampoos she uses.

y/n misses his bright eyes and the loving looks he gives her when he thinks she isn’t looking. they never fail to make her heart race.

peter feels... thin. he tends not to eat in times of crisis and if he’s being honest, he hasn’t had a proper meal in a few days. he took a small piece of may’s meatloaf from the day before, but it wasn’t anything that made the emptiness in his stomach feel any better.

people can probably tell that he’s been losing weight and how he looks a bit more pale and he starts to get self conscious. peter folds the ends of his sweater over his hands, noticing how they seem to bunch up more than a few weeks ago. negative thoughts flood his head, he was having slight ptsd. he can still hear the screams and see the look of anger from being yelled and he shivers, immediately regretting his decision. he knew it was a bad idea to go to school so soon.

y/n’s at her locker, taking out her notebook for her first period when her breath hitches. she sees her tall and amazingly striking boy silently make his way through the hallway and all she can think about is jumping into his arms.

she quickly closes her locker, throwing her book into her book bag and starts running to peter. he doesn’t acknowledge the sound of her footsteps against the tiles as she zips passed people. the sounds of pencils and calculators and pins clanking together fills the crowded hallway. her bag rattles loudly and she notices, but she doesn’t care. she just wants to see him.

“im so happy you’re here, precious”. that’s the first thing she says to him. she was holding, grasping, clutching him against her in a tight hug. she wanted him to feel that she broke a little inside too, and that he wasn’t alone. whatever peter felt, she would feel. they were in this together. y/n didn’t expect to see him after yesterday’s episodes and it was a shock that he was back at school so quickly.

peter’s heart flutters for the first time since the incident, he forgot what it was like to feel...happy. y/n wraps her arms around his neck and she pulls him down into a tight embrace. peter is more than happy to reach down and hug her back. he hums quietly and breathes in the scent of her body wash and shampoo. she feels comforting, like home.

it was stupid, but peter missed her nickname for him. he missed being hugged and held and just... appreciated in a romantic way.

“i missed you so much”. peter smiles and pulls back for a moment. he found it sweet how they both felt the same way.

“i didn’t go anywhere”

he was smiling as his fingers moved smoothly with each sign. he was almost a pro now, and y/n couldn’t have asked for a better student.

y/n blushes and shrugs. “yeah, i know.”. her voice was high pitched. she was trying her best to not seem as infatuated with him as she actually was. “i just...still missed you”. her voice loses pitch, mumbling out the last part of the sentence. she’s embarrassed at how needy she was being. but peter didn’t find it annoying in the slightest. it was nice to be missed.

——

it was another quick moment that made peter fall deeper for her. y/n’s fingertip was tracing patterns on his hand, mostly focusing on his palm, making the lovesick boy’s eyes droop. it was making peter sleepy, even more so than he already was. y/n takes notice, biting back a smile as she focused on him and how relaxed he was because of her. she tries to hold back a laugh as his eyes close for a few moments and she thinks he’s finally asleep, when they lazily snap open again and his hand squeezes hers to make sure her fingers are still tracing his palm. y/n pouts and whispers a soft “you’re so cute”. peters ears perch up and he smiles.

—-

y/n walks peter home, wanting to make up for the time she missed with him. he doesn’t let her pinky go as they walk through the lobby and he definitely doesn’t let go when he grabs his keys from his back pocket. he just wants her near him right now.

the second they get into his room, peter is holding her close to him, as close as humanly possible. he misses her warmth and the feeling of her in his arms. y/n lets out a little squeak because peter’s coat is freezing as he envelopes her and makes her colder than she already is.

“let’s get you out of this coat, yes?”. y/n pulls back and peter looks to the ground as she slips off the heavy winter jacket for him. he knows he’s way too thin and she’ll notice too and he can’t help but be embarrassed about it.

“that’s better”, she sighs. she wraps her arms around his waist and peter loses the confidence he had from just a few moments ago.

she’ll know.

her temple rests against his collarbone and she adjusts a bit, her head doesn’t sit against the soft, pillowy skin like it used to. she runs her fingers along his back, feeling the little divots between his ribs and the vertebrates in his spine more pronounced.

he’s been losing weight.

y/n is proud of him at first. maybe he thought he needed to shed a few pounds? but then she thinks back on how he didn’t eat when he came home from school yesterday, and he didn’t eat this afternoon either. when she thinks of it, the last time she saw peter eat was during fall break when she brought bagels over for the two of them to enjoy together. she remembers how much his winter coat drapes over him and how his sweater shirt looked a bit loose on him this morning.

peter feels her eyebrows knitting together and his heart pounds. y/n pulls back from him, intentionally making her hands run along his ribs, which are more prominent than she’s ever felt before. her hands drop to her sides and she has an expression on her face that appears like anger and disappointment all rolled into one. and peter takes one look at her...

she knows

“peach”. peter looks away, staring at the ground to avoid her gaze. he’s too ashamed to look at her. he’s too ashamed to admit that he hasn’t been eating the past few days...weeks. he just feels like a failure and if she’s disappointed in him, he wouldn’t know what to do.

“peter”. her voice is more accusatory than he’s ever heard before and peter’s eyes are immediately on hers. “have you not been eating?”. the young boy doesn’t know how to answer. he doesn’t want her to be mad at him, that’s the last thing he wants out of anybody. peter’s frozen in place, just staring into her eyes with fear in his. please don’t be mad.

y/n takes a breath and sets her palms on peter’s shoulders, applying pressure to them so he can sit on the edge of his bed. she’s so disappointed and upset and y/n doesn’t know what else to do except take another look at him and walk out of the room.

peter’s heart sinks. that’s it, he’s finally done it. he’s finally managed to make her run away. it was only a matter of time before she couldn’t deal with all of his flaws anymore. he lets out a long sigh and walks over to the mirror in his room. he’s disgusted with himself and he lifts his shirt a bit to see the damage he has caused himself. his skin is slightly yellow, there’s bruises on his ribs (he’s bruising easily, nowadays...) and his ribs. god, his ribs were so noticeable. it was as if he has huge xylophones under his skin. they were huge and poking out of his skin and just... disgusting. that’s all peter saw, he was disgusting.

y/n walks back in the room after a few moments with a pack of crackers in her hands. she sees peter’s lifted shirt and his fingers running along his skin. she gasps. he was so thin.

“eat”, she says sternly with her hand out. she didn’t mean to sound so angry. she wasn’t angry, she just cared about him. “please”, she says in a softer tone.

the young boy nibbles on the pack of crackers, stomach growling lowly. her arms are crossed as she looks over at him and he can’t help but feel so small.

“are you mad?”. he looks so sweet and innocent and it breaks her.

“peter, i-“. her voice catches and she covers her face with her hands. she takes a few breaths, tears passing through her closed eyes. “no, i’m not mad. i could never be mad at you”. peter’s sinking heart lifts. he feels a bit better, but he knows he’s not off the hook just yet.

“i just care about you, okay? i want you to be safe and happy and healthy”. she holds the young boy’s face in her palms and lifts it so she’s looking at her. “i like you, a lot. and i want you to be here with me”. peter can’t help the blush from his cheeks. she smiles at him and leans forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

she likes him

chapter 14

—

taglist: @spideylovely @spideychronicles @lovelyh0lland @iamburdened @petersshirts @parkersletters @yourpal-yourbuddy-yourbuckyy @hollandandi @smexylemony @breathinholland @cutesparker @farfromjustordinary @astral-b0nes @marvelfanatic02 @xxxxdelenaxxxx @manyimaginekay @squizzlemadizzle @peterpxrxer @lushholland @tomshufflepuff @carry-on-ms-believer @unicorntrooper @lilsurfergirlie-blog @nostalgictom @fancyxholland @breathinholland @midtownhighs @mandatheredpanda @tomblrholland @yikes-buddy @cloudyyparker @timelock97 @fancyyfangirl @dutifullybrieftimetravel @superwholockwannabe @cutesparker @telranvlak @bitchacho25 @beedudu @stylemute @lustfulcry @me-a-hopeless-romantic

[purplesurveys]

496

Why are you taking a survey? Because I don’t want to do anything else and generally, I’m trying to do as many surveys as I can before the school year starts and I won’t have time to do these again for six months. When’s the last time you were grounded? I was a freshman in high school and I kept failing all my algebra exams...it was a combination of not liking my teacher’s teaching technique, having a worsening eyesight, and having to sit at the back row of the classroom with said worsening eyesight. My mom thought it was because I spent too much time on the computer, so there were times that she grounded me.

I ended up passing the class, but I’m pretty sure the teacher just gave me a pity passing mark so that I didn’t have to take summer classes. Anything exciting taking place today? It’s Midsommar’s first day in cinemas sooooo if I’m feeling spontaneous, I might go out and watch it. But other than that it’s a really chill day for me. What are you craving? I can really go for a burger from Pound right now.

Is there anyone in the room with you? Nope, I’m alone at home with just my dog.

Who did you last hit? My brother, before I stopped talking to him altogether.

Do you like kool aid? I’ve never tried it. Are you currently reading a book? Nope. Haven’t read a book in a while. How do you do in school? In grade school and high school, I chose which subjects to give a shit about and performed well there, but I put in a lot of effort for the others. But grades start mattering in college so I do well in all my classes now, whether I like them or not. What’s your biggest goal? At the moment? To finish my thesis. Who have you texted today? I haven’t texted anyone yet, but I’ve already sent emails and talked on IM.

What was the last thing you did before bed last night? I was watching Friends to help me fall asleep.

What’s your biggest fear? Failing, in general. Laptop or desktop? I’m on a laptop right now and have always preferred this over a desktop. Do you have an iPod? I technically still do because I’m sure it’s just somewhere in the house, but I haven’t used it and it hasn’t been charged in a very long time. Do you have a fan on in the room you’re in? There’s an electric fan, but my mom, sister, and I wanna start nagging my dad to get an air conditioner here in the living room. It can get so embarrassing when we have guests over and they start to sweat like crazy and there’s not much else we can do other than set the fan at the highest level. Do you have a wallet? Yes, I do. What are you sitting on? I’m sitting on our couch in the living room. What’s the last thing you had to eat? I got a paella fajita mix and chicken nachos from one of my favorite Tex-Mex restaurant, but I wasn’t able to finish the former because my small stomach didn’t make me. Do you like grapefruits? I don’t think I’ve even seen one before. Sweet or sour? SWEET. I hate hate hate all sour food.  Have you ever had the Reese’s PB Candy Bars? I haven’t tried their candy bars, no. I’m happy to stick with their peanut butter cups. Do you know who Shawn Michaels is? LMFAO, this is so random that he’s the name that showed up on an otherwise perfectly normal survey...yes, I know him very well. I’ve looked up to him for as long as I can remember. Who do you turn to if you need help? My two best friends. Are you more dependent or independent? DEPENDENT. I always ask other people to make choices for me. I know that’s gotta stop soon. Does the time 2 o'clock have any significance to you? Yes, quite a bit. When I was a kid, 2 PM meant we needed to be in bed for our siesta. My lola was very strict about it too and would get mad if we didn’t start sleeping by then. Do you like bagels? Sure, but I don’t get to eat them a lot. Are there any stuffed animals in the room you’re in? [continued from yesterday because I got laaaaazyyyy] Nope, I’m in the dining area. What do you think of guys who wear eyeliner? I think they can wear as much eyeliner as they wish, it’s 2019. Favorite tv show? I have several: Breaking Bad, Friends, and Queer Eye. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? I’m talking to Gab on the phone right now cause I’m helping her edit an article she just wrote. Where’s your mother? She’s in her workplace. Do you know who the strongest man in the world is? I know Mark Henry was billed like this for a very long time, but I dunno who has this title now. What’s the best time you’ve had in the past week? It’s been a whole week since it happened, but it would be my trip to the National Museums of Fine Arts, Anthropology, and Natural History with Gabie last Thursday. We also went to Greenbelt after and had dinner at Italianni’s :) Have you ever been in a fist fight? With my cousins when we were like 5, yes. Can you cook? Not at aaaaall. What time is it? 9:54 AM. Do you love animals? More than I like people. What color are your eyes? Black. I used to answer this with dark brown but fuck it, let’s go with black. Who’s one person you care about more than yourself? Gabie. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Like three hours. No matter what I do, my body will ALWAYS wake me up automatically at 7:30 AM at the latest, and it just so happened that I fell asleep at 4 AM earlier. Are there any pets you’re wishing for? Not right now. Whatcha gonna do now? =] I have no clue. Maybe get some breakfast, watch Friends, take another survey (this never happens), who knows.

[hyungbean]

A Girl Tries to Flirt With Them

Suho:

This man would be running on the sidewalk trying to cram in last minute gifts for your birthday since he was busy with practice for the past week. While running he manages to bump into a girl, knocking her down.

“Oh shoot! I’m sorry are you okay?”

“Yah!— oh, I’m fine thank you..”

“Alright, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, but I think I should get your number just in case I—“

Code red. His last four braincells quickly trying to come up with an excuse to subtly reject the poor girl.

“Sorry I don’t think that’s going to work, I can give you my girlfriend’s number though.”

Minseok // Xiumin:

This poor child.

He came to visit you as a surprise, since he’s been busy promoting with the new comeback and hasn’t been able to spend much time with you. So figured that he would get you some food so he wouldn’t come empty handed.

He would be ordering some bagels at a cafe, the cashier attempting to try and get his attention while he starts to question if he has enough money on him to pay for all the bagels he bought.

“I’ve never seen you around here, are you new?”

“Ah, not really I’m visiting for a little”

“Oh really, my shift actually ends in half an hour—“

“What? It’s like 11 in the morning still, you must be lucky, my girlfriend works until 6 in the evening. You must go to school if you only work part time then...”

“...”

“oh and can I have my bagels now ?”

Yixing // Lay:

Honestly, he just wanted the conversation to be over before it even started. He just wanted to buy his potatoes in peace.

“Wow, I like your shirt! Where did you get it from” the girl inches closer to him while pretending to examine the yams.

“I’m not sure, my girlfriend bought it for me for our anniversary.”

Baekhyun:

Flattered but would actually mess up somehow when trying to reject the girl. Owjlandjwjd how.

“Sorry but how much is this?”

“That’s sixty dollars...” She does a double take as Baekhyun proceeds to question why perfume costed so much. “wow, you have very nice hair.” The employee’s cheeks turning a pink hue as she touches his arm and gives her best flirtatious smile.

“Thank you, my girlfriend seems to think I look dumb. Also can you ring me up for these...my girlfriend is going to be mad if I’m late to our uh.. second wedding anniversary dinner...”

“......”

“I MEAN—-“

Jongdae // Chen:

Tries to be nice. What a nice guy.

“You know my friend is taking me to a concert, there’s an extra ticket if—“

“Oh I hope you enjoy your night, remember to stay safe”

“I was thinking maybe we could go out—“

“Oh sorry, I can’t, but you should take your family out to eat, I’m sure they’ll enjoy it. Besides my girlfriend wouldn’t really appreciate me going out with strangers. You shouldn’t ask out strangers you know, that’s not safe!”

“...”

Chanyeol:

“You know you’re really tall, how does it feel to stand out in a crowd? You know I think tall guys are sexy”

“OhH Sorry, I have to take this call, my wife might get mad if I don’t pick up”

He hurriedly walks away to one of the aisles answering the call.

“Baekhyun! What took you so long?! I told you that I didn’t want to come into the market, she always tries to flirt with me.”

“What was your excuse this time?”

“Apparently I have a wife and I think I might need to chop off my legs, she thinks tall guys are sexy.”

Kyungsoo // D.O:

“Hey my friend over there wanted me to tell you that she thinks you’re cute, do you mind giving her your number?”

“...”

“Her name is Kath—“

He motions for her to come closer as he leans forwards a little, getting close to her ear.

“429-IM-TAKEN”

Jongin // Kai:

“So yeah, basically you want to start with your initial value and—“

“Has anyone ever told you that you have nic—“

“—-AND WRITE THE EQUATION THEN CARRY THE TWO THEN MULTIPLY BY 20% OF THE INITIAL VALUE.”

“...”

“And then you should be done.”

Sehun (my man omggaiuhw):

“Yeah, hi can I get the check now?”

“Sure... I actually get off work in an hour I was wondering if you would like to hang out?”

Sehun: *picks up water and slowly sips from the straw*

“...”

Sehun: *continues to sip his water while staring dead at the wall*

“Uh-hello ??”

“Sorry I couldn’t hear you... where’s the check? Chop chop, do you not want a tip?”

I love my Sehunie, alright bye.

~hyungbean

[deeeelightfuldee]

How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? oooo boy. ok lets see. 5 dogs, 9 cats?

Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? My mom doesn’t play anything. My dad is a drummer

Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? Yes. I’ve done it this week alone, just to try and calm down a little.

Can you crack crab legs without a tool? i have no idea. I don’t eat crab or anything in the sea for that matter. 

How many light sources are in the room you’re in? ooo good question. umm, eight? lol

What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? uhhh cream cheese.

Who’s your favorite director? i really don’t know, i don’t follow who directs what.

Bats: cute or gross? i mean, I don’t really care.

What was the last really intense pain you felt? lung pain during this whole nonsense.

Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? either. 

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I would love to, but I don’t see it happening with the travel restrictions these days.

What is your father's middle name? He doesn’t have one. he’s got a family name and the men who have it do not have a middle name. Where did your last kiss take place? uhhh I believe on my driveway 

Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? no clue, tbh. none that come to mind

Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I don’t think ive ever done that. 

Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. one of my brothers and my sister.

Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? brand names just don’t matter to me, but if i was forced to choose i guess shoes?

Are you a good liar? no. not at all.

Are you proud of your parents? Im super proud of my mom.

Which is better: orange or grape soda? orange

Was the last thing you ate hot or cold? hot. so yummy.

Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? uhhhhhhh, idk who was here when I wasn’t in town, but prior to that I would imagine em/nathan

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? green 

Can you remember the last song you listened to? something from the toy story soundtrack lol. I’m binge watching all four today... I am using Kile’s disney+ for as long as he has it. I don’t think he watches it ever, so I imagine it’ll cut off soon.

Have you ever been dumped really harshly? once. it was horrible. every other time I’ve done the break up.

Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort? heck’n no. unless im going into a pool maybe.

Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? yes

What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? he sexually assaulted me

Are you more of a phone or a computer person? my preference is laptop, 

Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work? not currently.

If not, do you want one? yeah i’d like to have income.

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? yes. a few.

What’s your favorite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias omggggggggggggg.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? yes. bulls games, bears games

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? of course.

What months were you and your siblings born in? january, july, august, august

What did you have for dinner last night? nicks.

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely. to keep the shape n such.

Has your town ever flooded? uhhhhh to my knowledge once. it had rained SO heavily for like a week and the local ponds and lakes were over-flowing. a car literally floated down my road. it was so weird.

Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place? when I was a kiddo yes. not often tho cus I didn’t like the smell, it was always sticky, and there were always bratty kids.

Have you ever taken a picture of snow? only every single day it snows

Do you cry easily? i notoriously do not cry in front of anyone. I am not a crier. when I lost Kile I cried for weeks.

Are you happy with where you live? I love it.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No

Do you hate the last person you kissed? no, i’m not a hateful person

What genre is your favorite movie? drama, romance, kids lol

Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. she picked me up from the airport.

Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? yes. I always seem to get the nice workers and they help so much.

When was the last time somebody hit on you? yesterday. blegh. 

Was the last person you met a male or female? hmm. Iiiiiii wanna say male. 

What brand is your underwear? I think the pair im wearing is hanes.

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? usually green bean casserole.

Do you have a TV in your room? yup. watching TS1 right now.

Are any of your electronics charging right now? my phone. of course it was on 2 percent.

What was the last video game you played? acnh on the switch.

What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? that they will be there for me forever and always take care of me. no. 

Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google.

What was the last song you had on repeat? more by bobby darin

Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? froggy fresh

How many college degrees do you want? i have two. I’d like my masters and/or phd

Can you wink? yes but I dont think it looks good lol i have to get better

Do you own any jerseys? I did, I dont know if I have any still

Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult? No. i wasn’t a dumb child and i certainly wouldnt do that as an adult

Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? not really no. 

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? no. 

Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? im not into piercings on guys. tattoos are fine if they arent trashy

Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? all the time.

What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? kind of a creamy taupe-y color

Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school? no

Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? i probably consume more fruits? but i love both. 

What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white

Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? no. sadly

What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store? i cant even tell you the last time i went to a dollar store.

Ever peed in the pool? Be honest! I would have been murdered lol no i dont do that. it grosses me out.

When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in? something on a lot of land, big front porch.

Where do you want to get married? probably a courthouse. maybe outdoors?

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? no. just mom.

What is your favorite childhood TV show? recess

Honestly, do you like school? no. i looooooooooooooooooooooooove it.

Last thing that made you cry? probably dejavu.

Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? sort of yes.

Last person you took a walk with? liza, em, dutch, della

Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? i think currently to be honest. 

Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air? lol either mario or an old friend david

Does any part of your body hurt? yeah. my muscles have been weakening sooooooo bad it is so painful. 

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do? Million bucks. noooooooooooo question.

Can you keep a secret? Sure.

Your favorite romantic movie? sleepless in seattle probs.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I loved it for the longest timeeeeeeee. i dont think ill love it as much this next year, but maybe by then ill have met someone new who knows.

Who was the last person you took a picture with? uuuuuhhh probably one of my nephews/niece

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? Some do, some dont. 

Do you celebrate 420? Nope. verrrrrry much not my thing.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? i think so lol

How do you eat Oreos? with milk. 

Do you wear your shoes in the house? sometimes. my preference is slippers. we usually wear something on our feet because gram needs to and so does mom.

Would you survive in prison? probably not, tbh. 

Ever been to Georgia? the state, yes. many times. the country? never.

Do you get your hair cut every month? gosh no. my dream is to get my hair done professionally again sometime, but its so daggum expensive.

Current relationship in detail. I am single. i will probably start casually dating soon. 

If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? i dont even know. I always imagined I’d go to kile. but who knows now.

List things you spend money on in an average week. i can go several weeks without spending.

Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. ooooooohhhhhh, id rather not.

Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? i am convinced bill would not give a fig whether or not im in a relationship. mom, however, would probably be EEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXtra cautious now.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? oh im sure. 

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? yes. even if we don’t talk anymore... theres just always a connection.

What board games are you good at? oooo, i’m very good at board games.

Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? quilting. its expensive and im not wanting to get it all cvid-y

Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? Immature.

Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? there are people who can pull it off, but it is notttttttttt my style.

Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? debt bill put my mom in. they don’t speak tho.

Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such? the first couple years. 

If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it? I don’t use the switch handheld, despite really wishing i could. the controllers are broken and beyond what I can afford. so I just use the tv dock.

Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say? i’d pick it up 1000000000000000% , I just would be so curious what they would say.

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you? absolutely.

Are you afraid of falling in love? I am. I don’t ever again want to feel the way ive felt with my two heart breaks. 

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? yes, but the feeling is lessening. I responded to him for the first time in... idk how long. thinking he’d be eager to talk and be responsive. he wasn’t. it just pushes me further and further from feeling those feelings.

Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t? no, i dont think so.

Did you get kissed last night? goodness no. 

Do you enjoy going through a carwash? I love it.

How did you get most of your scars? benny. by far.

Ever had to take an inkblot test? I have taken 2. One for a fellow student in a classroom who had to administer it for a project. another time in a psych class the prof asked me to for a demonstration

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep! the only time ive been grounded.

Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger? no. I do not get physical in my anger. I withdraw. 

What/who woke you up this morning? Just me.

Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? My mom. dropping off ice water and benny.

What’s one of your locked text messages? I don’t even know if this phone locks messages tbh. I used to do that all the time on my t9 phones.

Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? I think maybe 1 time.

Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? Yes.

The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true? I wouldn’t say alllllllll, but i do think inhibitions are lowered so it makes it easier

When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself? messaging kile and realizing he isn’t interested in responding. makes me feel so dumb.

How about feeling disappointed in someone else? something a family member did to me this past week.

For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? ummm. lately it’s been jealousy. i dont like people taking what was mine. but i’m learning if they had access to it, that likely means that it is best to let it go. so maybe im now leaning towards envy of like beautiful relationships.

Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? uhhh, not unless its like in a joking, light-hearted manner.

Do you have any specific chores you do around the house? when im not sick... i vacuum, dust, do dishes, wipe counters and table, do laundry of others, disinfect, etc.

For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing? I would say 51% comfort and 49% looking nice

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? yes. lots of jealousy due to their feelings toward me.

Do you like Laffy Taffy? No. not my style of candy

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? manual.

Are your biceps at all noticeable? hardly.

Have you ever seen a walrus? absolutely!

Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid? no. one time moms friends daughter (who was significantly older than me) lent hers to us... but there were no mixes of anything. so I didn’t know what to do with it.

Does your bathroom have a theme to it? nope.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? uhhhhhhhh 3 if you dont include the garage door.

Are there a lot of trees in your yard? i wouldn’t say a lot. I wish.

Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? treating me like crap cuts down my interest like immediately.

Have a best friend? meh.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? no.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? yes. I dont need to concern them or worry them.

Does anyone hate you? kiles ex(?) i am sure does.

What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? hm. i dont really have any.

Do you remember important dates? yes. almost always.

What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you? “what if we could put the world on hold and finally meet somewhere inside of the world? I would meet you... would you meet me?”

Who gives the best advice? mom

Who do you usually see in your dreams? :) It varies. depends on who I think about.

What type of cake did you last eat? graduation cake. 

How many of your friends are gay or bisexual? I have like 4 casual friends that are, but my closest friends are all straight.

What’s your favorite type of sandwich? buona chicken one. bless it.

When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline? tonight. I said maybe once this quarantine business is over.

Do you like The Offspring? I know a couple of songs but I definitely can’t call myself a fan. << same

One pillow or two? 12

Do you like Mad Libs? not really no.

Are you suicidal? no. I mean there are moments where I think wow, i dont want to be here. but not like let me put together a plan.

Where do your grandparents live? my fathers parents were killed by a drunk driver bout ten years ago. My mothers father passed away maybe 12 years ago. My gram is fine and lives in the room down the hall. 

Do you cut yourself? not purposely

What is your pet’s name? benny and lottie.

Have you ever been to Canada? not yet.

Aren’t babies overrated? no, no. theyre expensive af though.

Have a built-in pool in your backyard? i wish more than anything but no.

Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? maybe once or twice. I one time had a guy win me an animal at a carnival and i found that sooooooooooooooooo attractive.

Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? woops. yes. lol

Ever been to a circus? i think when i was really little.

Ever shot animals? I have not. i couldn’t. 

Do you consider yourself intelligent? I do. It is something I have some confidence in.

Have you ever run away from home? when my dad was abusive, yes. 

Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? faith, family, friends, school, relationships (only cus im not in one)

What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past? my faith.

What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? my degrees and honors.

Are you satisfied with your body image? no. I am honored to have a body that is capable of all that it is.. that has been my “home” all these years. the body that still breathes life every day, thats all incredible. I dislike having the fat that I do, as I worry it could be off putting to others. but then I realize im fine being single, so then my body imagine is fine. its a weird cycle.

Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? yes. when I worked and a customer didnt like a policy or whatnot.

Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of? never to my knowledge have I taken advantage of someone else seriously. I have been VERY seriously taken advantage of.

Have you ever been seriously ill? trying to get over it now tbh

Have you ever befriended a former enemy? uhhhh, not that I know of. I tend to be friendly to everyone, but I can’t think of a situation where it was an enemy.

If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people? I do pray for others quite often. it’s important to me. I sometimes will see strangers and immediately start praying over them. I actually almost started my GRE late because I was praying over every person I saw in the room lol.

Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation? no. not to my knowledge anyway.

Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa? yes! like 8 miles lol. I have not. 

When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable? this past week.

Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person? shes everyones favorite. shes kind, funny, sarcastic, down-to-earth, warm.

Who have you been talking to the most today? mom lol

Are you nosy? I think it could be perceived as nosy but I love to make people feel ridiculously special. So I will sit and ask questions just to get them talking about themselves. If I recognize the personal questions are not working, I’ll keep it totally light.

What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend? i really dont know.

If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? if we consider kile an ex, it would probably be that he feels overwhelmed and feels alone because he doesnt have me or his ex anymore. :(

Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? ooooo thats hard to narrow down.

Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? no. everyone comments on how they love when it turns wheezy.

[thedappleddragon]

how's about 4 days worth of logs because I kept getting too sleepy ok go

Today I fucked around made a lot of pasta spent too much time outside with my cat cut some more paw pattern pieces hand sewed the fingers as much as I could started makin the lining but gave up took a shower and did some much needed moisturizing did dishes ate candy and drew caras oc and started Anna’s final render but I need to do some cleanups

I woke up from a dream that my mom got the dog she signed up for but it was like a golden retriever that actually turn into a fat copy of my cat with bad eyes. Had a bagel for breakfast and saw my dad got chive and onion cream cheese :) Igot ready for the dmv and realized I should probably do laundry soon and put away clothes I’ve let pile up. Left for dmv after a while, went around the area a little bit, it started raining, waited inside dmv, a little nervous but not much, talked to same lady as last time (she was very nice and funny :) ) we had to sprint outside to the car because it was POURING OUTSIDE during the first half of the test and suddenly cleared up the second half. Ran over a big puddle. HOORAY I PASSED! Picked up subway, at half at home, went to grandparents house to look at old photos and read my moms old diary from her last family vacation before marrying my dad, stayed for entirely too long, came home, finished subway, laid down, drew and finished the princess lineup, now it’s only 1 am butn sleepy good night. Perhaps I will remember to post the past 2 days in the morning. Yesterday made 2 pastas and resin-Ed old new leaf charm

Writing the days summary through text for the 3rd day in a row because I am sleepy

I woke up pretty damn early, before 9am. Went outside with my cat, played webkinz, snacked. Then mom asked me to pick up her city barbecue which was my first time driving truly all by myself. I trusted myself to know how to get there but I was one street over and then going from the wrong direction and had to turn around, it was a mess. But I got the food just fine and got home safely and without problem. I wanted to drive a little more, so I went to the park, walked a lap around the perimeter, and came back home, sitting in the driveway for a little bit. I hung out for a bit, played stardew valley, quit because I accidentally died in the volcano, fucked around, idk. My friends ex tried snapping me but I didn’t answer and instead texted shit about him with the groupchat. Then we started talking about lgbt labels which tbh made me a little mad and overwhelmed and frustrated, and people were talking faster than I could type, and we talked about asexuality and lack thereof and everyone got uncomfy and fuckin. AAAAAAAH. I got mad and got a headache from hitting myself stimming and decided to try calming down by washing my hair in the dark. I like showing in total darkness occasionally. There’s nothing I need to see anyway lmao. I found myself not even noticing it was dark if that makes sense. Then my dad scared me by opening the door which I didn’t realize I hadn’t locked and telling me dinner was ready. I ate and we talked a little bit about job applications until I went back to bed and got in a weird board mood, and a mint chocolate chip Klondike bar, and now I’m going to sleep I guess. Lily is better at eating and existing on the floor like an animal after I put her food on the floor

today was very rainy and nice. I went with my sister to drive around and pick up food for mom. we dropped it off at home and went to go get our own food. Emily got a gyro and I got 5 guys. the gyro place had a little store attached off to the side with very cramped isles and kinder eggs, which was interesting because I thought they were still banned in America. 5 guys was very overwhelming because of how busy it was. after getting our food we drove to the top of the parking garage and ate there, looking over the main roads and stores and everything, watching the rain. we ate and watched tiktoks and hung out until we decided to go to mcdonlds for water. 2 large waters was only 54 cents so I paid in coins lmao. we sat in the target parking lot for a moment before shopping around. Emily got some shorts and a face wash, and I got a succulent in a bunny shaped pot. I'm 80% sure there's not any dirt in there, and the succulent is glued in, so I got it mostly for the pot. it looks like the bunny is holding the plant, so I think I'll use it for holding pens when the plant dies. right now it’s sitting on my window, looking very cute. after driving home I sat in the car for a bit watching tiktoks until my sister called me and my phone died. apparently my cat was looking for me and even jumped up onto my sister’s bed. so I spent some time in bed just hanging out with her, playing Webkinz and hopping onto animal jam for th first time in months. theyve added some stuff which is cool I guess. I'm not gonna try to log in every day like I did when I was hyper fixated on animal jam, feral, waking, and Webkinz Next all at the same time. that was A Time. maybe I'll jump onto feral tomorrow to see what’s up there. it’s a very pretty game, and the few mini games they have are fun. I just wish there were easier ways to get new avatars, or at least have more than one design for one species. bleh. anyways my friend sent a tiktok she made about our friend group so I spent the next several hours drawing it but as our royal bloodshed au sonas. saving all the frames to my camera roll filled up my phone and I had to delete Tumblr. its fine because I haven been able to use it on mobile for over a year now I think. my phone is so stupidly fulll because I don't delete messages or pictures x-x I just need to upload them all to a drive and delete them all or something. im proud of the animatic but I've only gotten one response in the grouch so far, probably because everyone’s asleep lmao. now it’s midnight and I'm just gonna take a Tylenol and hang out until I fall asleep.

[shytiff]

Feb 2021 Wins

1 - osce study with clara almira, tryout 9 fkui, tryout review with clar, study sesh with clara that finished at about 10 pm. watched some youtube vids together til 11:15 pm. no longer sleepy, so i made my cv and finished it at about 3 in the morning lmao, bcs i saw this interning opportunity and i was like “damn i should make my cv”

2 - woke up at 7 am, didnt shower lmao, off to kiara for vaccination. Waited for a bit and i finally got it. ate mamdaging pesto rice with beef at kamkan w/ ren ness ara akisyah. talked at studied osce a bit. waited for mom to pick me up. until when do i need someone else to pick me up. i feel helpless and i hate that i cant just ride my motorbike because its too tiring. went back and dad got mad at me bcs i didnt greet him when leaving and entering the house. I truly didnt see him when i entered even though i heard sumn lmao. He said sumn along the lines of "you can always leave if u dont like me" (which is lowkey appealing). I cried bcs i felt sad and annoyed with our terrible emotional parent-daughter relationship. Hold the tears for a bit to study with clara. Darkened the room and slept still in my going-out clothes. I did not shower today lmao,,,,

3 - woke up at 10 am. Tryout and review w clara. Psych coaching. Psych practice with irun. Called lau and dajen bcs hes leving to medan. Randomly checked my email and my intern submission, which i emailed yesterday, that turns out the doctor replied at 8pm yesterday asking for interview today 11 am. And i saw it @ 6 pm. Aka super late. The stupidest thing ive ever done in FKUI. No cap. :( i panicked and it gave me a reason to talk with dad (asking how to reply) so i guess its a form of effort to banish the awkwardness between us. Studied w clara. I hope the doctor can forgive me. Its one loose end after the other lately.

4 - went to starbucks with atikah. got treated matcha latte yayy. cicil osce. called clara to learn imunisasi. went to kaleyo w atikah clara, ate bebek muda cabe ijo yumm. talked abt a lot of things in a span of 1-2 hours. we’re all pragmatist lmaoo. 

5 - osce briefing, DV osce practice w irun, watched run bts again lmaoo since knowing my osce schedule is thursday. read buku osce biru. 

6 - slept and lazed around til 1 pm. went to flavola since the construction was so noisy. osce simulation with UKMPPD Wibu. turns out flavola’s siomay is very fulfilling.

7 - todays construction noise escape is jco. Bought jcool double with almonds and chocolate crunchy. A bit of psych practice w aisyah. After maghrib practiced neuro w irun

8 - had no mood to study in the morning. Went to flavola, kopsusss coklat as usual. Reviewed osce materials (theres some tea about what might come out). Reviewed again at home (even tho i procrastinated from 6-9pm). Asked my bro for some ovo bcs i bought a mini keyboard in tokped lmaoooooo so random

9 - went to merra (ara and nessa’s place) but mom drove dad to the airport first. stome osce study, group consolidation for osce, tried mad bagel (the garlic cream cheese and tuna salad). the bagel was quite dense and fulfilling. the garlic cream cheese is quite heavy. arrived at home by 9 pm, went straight to sleep

10 - omg dr eva contacted me again :”) and i got the chance to be ecmocard research assistant. osce study. line call with ara. matcha latte. studied in juan’s room bcs it was so noisy. the keyboard i ordered arrived lolll cant wait to try. i dont know if its the anxiety or fear but i cant sleep and forced myself to sleep 11pm-ish

11 - osce. Went early to learn sumn more w ara tri. Osce (i forgot opv for the 5 mo old baby in peds station 😭 there was dr yogi omg) prayed zuhur and ashar in merra while waiting for pick up (i rly wish i could just bring my own vehicle but motorbike is rly tiring). Finally tried the mini keyboard, with earphones on. Practiced the song aku bukan untukmu by rossa lmao bu sihar taught us that in 33. I felt rly excited and not sleepy afterwards (that "normal" feeling with nothing looming). Its been a while since i tried something new, voluntarily. I guess its kind of what i felt when i tried the korean duolingo. That lasted for a couple months. Lets see how this keyboard thingy goes

12 - finally finished reviewing to oneshot (took ages lmao). Lazed around

13 - inten ukmppd w ness ren ara @ merraaa always. Went through 5 pdfs. Tried fastfit chicken burger and sweet potato fries. Quite fulfilling. Went back home and straight to bed (didnt eat anymore)

14 - started my day late as usual on weekdays lmaoo. flavola kopsus coklat as usual at my usual seat facing the window. did padi final tryout, score: 69. booty call with fianti, did mindset tryout, got 76,5.

15 - lazed tilll i start my day as usual @ 11-ish. Reviewed to padi final answers. Wow it sure took some damn time. My attention span is rly horrible when im alone in my room

16 - second dose of vaccine today. the rain was POURING. mom and emir waited in mcd. read half of aipki citation. 

17 - finished aipki citation, read CBT 2020 batch I and 2019 batch III questions. read a fantastic slow burn dramione fic. reviewed the last to solid.

18 - accompanied clara for swab antigen near airport train station (we came with motorbike since clara’s car was used). got called over by the police bcs we were in the car-only road lmaooo. went over optima tryout 2021. 

19 - cicil ukmppd at flavola with the usual menu, read some more afterwards

20 - ended up going to tamel bcs the flood in tb simatupang toll. Stayed w nessa and henny. Ate garlic carbonara spaghetti by bittersweet najla. Quite good for the price. Went over mediko questions with nessa and first session citation. Atikah sent some krispy kreme donuts 🥺🥺

21 - woke up at 4 bcs henny and nessa already did. Ate cold kanayam for bfast. Did ukmppd. I flagged quite a lot of questions huaa. I hope i can pass, aamiin. Went to tamel to get stuff (nebeng oca uye), climbed jembor to get to akis et al. Went to aeon (super crowded tffff), followed by ikea (parked at decathlon). Ate at both places (shared portion w kris lmaoo we get full quick). Aeon sushi and ikea meatball. So fulll. Went out of ikea to be briefed by dr Debby (ecmocard) and put my stuff to mom's car. Went in ikea again. And finally we went back. such a good sleep yall

22 - relaxed and i mean RELAXXXED. woke up and slept again. showered to prepare to go to harkit for intern briefing. i was late (thanks daan mogot road) and had to grabbike from untar. put on some sheet mask (natrep rose) bcs im realizing i need to fix my face and look decent for this new environment lmaoo.

23 - left home at 7 am, went through highway (i aint repeating daan mogot tragedy again). walked a bit backwards bcs the hightway exit was infront of dharmais. super slow progress on entering medical datas. took half a day to get one. and another half for the other. ate marugame udon, somay, chicken katsu and otak otak. we finished after maghrib and im writing this while waiting for mom

24 -  tried salted egg dori rice from salt inc. its quite salty and eneg inducing (a bit more than eatlah), but for the price (19k after cashback) i wont complain. Went back home before maghrib but there was still some medical record stuff i did in my room.

25 - magang as usual. Tried chicken egg salad from salad hut. Bought ice french hazelnut coffee from lawson coz i just cant take it anymore (the slump and sleepyness). I feel like the moment that sugary beverage enters my system i rise like a freshly watered plant. First meeting with dr eva and the others

26 - felt so tired even in the morning. Its 9 am and im already ordering janjiw coffee (with hazelnut and milo, quite sweet. Like a mix of kopiko and milo). Slow progress today i dunno why. Lunch is nayam rica2 and egg for 21k. Went back home by tj and mom picked me at gajah 2

27 - i hate to say this but bcs for 5 days now ive been fighting sleeping instincts, i snap out of sleepiness easier in the morning. Nasi uduk for brekkie. Moved some stuff up bcs the noise, played keyboard. Learned the (difficult) chords to tyler's see you again and im feeling satisfied. Went to racheel's place. Got fed chicken noodle. And then off to silvi's with devi also. Got fed chicken rice and dimsum. Thanks to friends im eating superwell today🥺

28 - relaxed at home. Skipped breakfast bcs i fell asleep and ate heartily in the afternoon. Evening run w racheel at citra 6

[420technoblazeit]

more of them but there were so many that i had to set it to redirect to a google sheets file

So like wtf am I right chat

yo the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have some serious trauma that no one talks about :(

not an answer, but the person who put 'the barbie cinematic universe' as their fandom

i cannot believe dan and phil, undertale, and superwholock weren't on that list. i swear to god like 2/3 of us are ex phannies smh /lh

During my Dungeons and Dragons session, I adopted the Milk Demon and now they follow me around like a puppy and I feed it milk everyday and I named them Alistair and they are my child and I love them with all my heart and I will annihilate anyone who tries to harm them or take them away from me

the person who put an almost incomprehensible infodump of harvest town and their merman boyfriend

actually im personally offended u didnt include anything from 1. pttm arc or 2. anything from merle in the taz quotes section /lh (i did put something from merle!!! it was the 'kiss my ass, you sanctimonious bastard' quote)

I was awake until midnight and now desire to create a long furby after rewatching the same youtube video 5 times.

lego men are pog but they made the robot one make me cry anyways lego ninjago. never thought if be interested in that again. legos go brrr I guess

the one person who infodumped about their homestuck dream smp au. idk what a heir of space or knight of mind is, but i think they both sound poggers!

the person talking about the ethics of a love potion vs. truth potion in the world of harry potter

I wish my friends would stop tapping the glass of my enclosure :/

whoever wrote about black friday but in horribly cursed ways, i showed this to my friend who watched it and he said, and i quote 'i hope this person's newborn child looks at them in disgust'

If tommy doesn't get a therapy arc soon i will r i o t-

the person rambling asking how the hell everyone knows about homestuck, no i don't know either. it eludes me

i had a dream that Ranboo, Eret, Technoblade, Wilbur, and a bunch of other people all changed their names on twitter to 'Gender Envy" because they give everyone gender envy

this quiz took two years from my life. also hotline miami and hm2 have possibly the best soundtracks of any game. like. ever. believe me.

op it is vital that you know i was eating a bagel while eating this and i almost fucking choked when i read “choose a taz quote because fuck this you this is a uquiz now”

If I had a dime for every song I know about going into the forest and decaying, letting the bugs and scavengers eat your remains and being at peace, I would have two dimes, which isn’t much but it’s strange it’s happened twice. I am now going to name those songs In A Week by Hozier and Thus Always To Tyrants by the Oh Hellos, both top notch (i have both of those on my playlist! they're v good)

AAAAAAAA IM MAD ASF ABT TUBBO APOLOGISTS EVEN THO IM ONE OF THEM LIKE STFU THE BUTCHER ARMY IS THE CIA AND YOU ARE ALL BOOTLICKERS

i highkey miss when gravity falls was first being aired and i wish i was older during it. i never truely appreciated the codes and hidden clues until more recently when i got back into ciphers. i just never had a talent when i was younger and i would love to experience it again for the first time

i think this lowered my reading comprehension, have a good day :)

you need theoropay but thats okay

my head is so empty rn im free i got nothing i got nothing , actually . okay i do have smth but i dont have the words so i got nothing , my head is empty i have nothing

Qué acabo de leer, yo solo quería llenar formulario extraño que encontré en Tumblr, aunque siendo honestos sabiendo que era un formulario de Tumblr debió haber sido la razón por la cual no debí haber entrado aquí en primer lugar, bueno eso es todo espero que tú almohada esté caliente en ambos lados. (thank you, funniest curse i've ever been placed under)

Too sleepy to think My friend gave me those sponge capsule things that expand into dinosaurs the other day though? That's rad.

this made smile so hard I shit myself

Hi op i love thsi and i love you lets become friends i am adore (:0 send me an ask, whoever u are!!!)

Bees of different species, if put into mixed colonies, can learn each others dialects of waggle dance, which is the dance they use to communicate food sources and threats.

caw caw mfer /lh

the person who told me about the tea dragon society!!! that sounds lovely ill look into it for sure

the person who said they wanted to click all of the answers on the second last question just to give me validation for my adventure time infodumps, you're very sweet thank you!

I HAVE UNLOCKED BRAIN COMPARTMEMT THAT HELD ALL MY LOVE FOR THE PODCAST WOLF 359 AAAAAAA ITS VERY VERY GOOD GAYS IN SPACE GAYS IN SPACE AAA

i think you need to see a psychologist

⊑⟒⌰⌰⍜ ⟊⍜⋏. ⏃⌿⍜⌰⍜☌⟟⟒⌇ ⎎⍜⍀ ⏁⊑⟒ ⎅⟒☊⟒⌿⏁⟟⍜⋏, ⏚⎍⏁ ⟟ ⍙⏃⋏⏁⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ⋔⏃☍⟒ ⌇⎍⍀⟒ ⊬⍜⎍ ⌇⏁⏃⍀⏁⟒⎅ ⍀⟒⏃⎅⟟ (FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU /nm)

i would pay several goats for your hand in marriage. banger quiz mate

the person writing a dream smp star wars au and would prefer to remain anonymous, you're valid

op you are such a fucking mood i applaud you for your lack of self-control and fear o7 in other news how the fuck did you get all my previous fandoms. wait no i know why everyone else is in those fandoms nvm

How dare you remind me of warrior cats. I fucking roleplayed as a cat with strangers at a random school that I was visiting one day. Just seeing the words warrior cats triggers a flight or fight response. it was all I talked about for years. I had nearly forgotten about it.

@eighth--wonder your card game anon sent me a response i'm not entirely sure what they're doing but it sounds cool

head empty only bee duo. they’re so in love it hurts dude, littol man and tall awkward half enderman husband yessir. i love gay people

fuck you its 11:46 pm and im doing this shit you piece of shit.

I cannot fucking believe Wilbur Soot got me back into SOLITAIRE of all things. I used to play that all the time in high school but the interest kind of faded out a little. Then I saw some cool and funky-ass card motifs pop up in fan art for Alivebur and now here I am playing solitaire for like 4-7 hours a day at LEAST. I mean don't get me wrong it's an oddly calming thing and if you have nothing better to do it's not bad, but WHAT the FUCK.

The FitnessGram PACER Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The test is used to measure a student's aerobic capacity as part of the FitnessGram assessment. Students run back and forth as many times as they can, each lap signaled by a beep sound

Shoko was really cool and it's the only Adventure Time episode I remember and really liked. Adventure Time is a cool show but I don't remember it's episodes well but like it's concept and stuff speaks to me.

This was very confusing but I enjoyed it. SO TAKE THAT. YOUR MINDGAMES WON'T WORK ON ME. HA

idk what just happened man i clicked by accident on the link while scroling tru tumblr and now im scared but at the same time im intriged yuh get it i guess?

Luigi from mario shoulda been here somewhere, I simply think he is small and green

twitter sucks except for when dream is live and the shift in atmosphere should be studied by climate scientists

the person who asked if i was the dilfza blog, no but im glad i have that energy

, nlk.n .n.

With each day dream smp becomes more homestuck. One day you will have to face the truth. The red vines are just the red miles, complicated life system, tommy is literally karkat, dream went through a similar arc as ult!dirk, "oh let me draw quackity with an 8ball as an eye" you just made vriska. Speaking of a vriska, I would say that technoblade is this fandoms vriska. We got the vilification and making him a flat abusive villain, completely twisting his character and ignoring all nuance, the fandom either loves or hates him. He is a vriska.

this was actually really funny and now i want to talk abt cecilos and bee duo????? bro someone please make an au????????

the person who pasted the start of the bee movie script. why would you do this

whoever started writing a fanfic in the response, you are very poggers and i thought it was really good! i could really feel the disassociation

the person writing an apocalypse au, go for it! i'd read that

genshin impact and arknights are the best gacha games purely because of how much gender they contain.

fuck you for making me admit the warrior cats thing. also they do explore the mirror thing i can write you an essay if you like-- (i would like that thank you)

gay,,,

the person who just found out that they're minor nobility, congrats i guess? damn

the person who started talking about eret's impact on the lore, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT WILBUR'S DOWNWARD SPIRAL WAS VERY IMPACTED BY THEIR BETRAYAL thank you @its-fledge

2 of you infodumped about true crime so uh. ok

I need everyone to know that canonically, because of the way that salmon sprites look like in Minecraft (green heads, red bodies and hooked mouths), that means their real-life equivalent are spawning sockeye salmon. Nothing wrong there, right? Incorrect. Spawning sockeye salmon, compared to normal silver-bodied sockeye salmon, are inexplicably more horny. We all thought that Wilbur was the horny sodomite, but we never considered if Sally was as well. We've been duped this entire time. I am sorry for sharing this information with you all.

WHAT’S UP GAMERS, here’s my new google form thing on which other fandoms are most common among dream smp fans (+ some fun bonus questions) it would be poggers if you checked it out

[yoursummerfrost]

Tagged by @bitsandshits ! And I’ll taggggg @abominableobriens @zombizombi @disarmd @samwell-womens-hockey @shipped-goldstandard @polyamorousparson @omgpbandj @blithelybonny @soundslikepenance

Answers under the cut because it’s loooong

1. Coffee or tea? Coffeeeeeeeee 2. Black and white or color? So. Much. Color.

3. Drawings or paintings? Paintings! 4. Dresses or skirts? Dresses 5. Books or movies? Fics > movies > books 6. Pepsi or Coke? Coke 7. Chinese or Italian? Italian! 8. Early bird or night owl? Suchhhhh a night owl 9. Chocolate or vanilla? Vanilla ice cream, chocolate otherwise 10. Introvert or extrovert? Extremely outgoing ambivert 11. Hugs or kisses? Kisses :-* 12. Hunting or fishing? Neither, please :( 13. Winter or summer? SUMMER, which I am clinging to with my tiny queer hands 14. Spring or fall? Fall but only so I can wear bi flannels 15. Rural or urban? Urban, please never make me leave my city 16. PC or Mac? PC 17. Tan or pale? i am very pale lol 18. Cake or pie? Uhhhh icecream cake? 19. Ice cream or yogurt? Ice cream 20. Ketchup or mustard? Mayo 21. Sweet pickles or dill pickles? Dill pickles 22. Comedy or mystery? Comedyyyy 23. Boots or sandals? Sandals 24. Silver or gold? Silver 25. Pop or Rock? ........pop-rock 26. Dancing or singing? Both at the same time 27. Checkers or chess? chess 28. Board games or video games? board gameeeesss 29. Wine or beer? Wine 30. Freckles or dimples? Freckles 31. Honey mustard or BBQ sauce? honey mustard 3000% 32. Body weight exercises or lifting weights? Body weight? 33. Baseball or basketball? Baseball because I’m sure N is gonna make me care wayyyy too much about softball soon 34. Crossword puzzles or sudokus? Sudoku 35. Facial hair or clean shaven? So much facial hair please 36. Crushed ice or cubed ice? Cubes 37. Skiing or snowboarding? Skiing 38. Smile or game face? :D 39. Bracelet or necklace? necklace 40. Fruit or vegetables? veggies 41. Sausage or bacon? bacon 42. Scrambled or fried? scrambled 43. Dark chocolate or white chocolate? daaark 44. Tattoos or piercings? Tattooooooooos 45. Antique or brand new? Brand new! 46. Dress up or dress down? Up!!! 47. Cowboys or aliens? Aliens 48. Cats or dogs? :3 49. Pancakes or waffles? Pancakes 50. Bond or Bourne? Bi Bond plz? 51. Sci-Fi or fantasy? Sci-Fi 52. Numbers or letters? Numbers 53. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? Harry Potter 54. Fair or theme park? Fair 55. Money or fame? Money plz 56. Washing dishes or doing laundry? DISHES FUCK LAUNDRY 57. Snakes or sharks? Snakessss 58. Orange juice or apple juice? Orange 59. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset 60. Slacker or over-achiever? Both, simultaneously, at all times 61. Pen or pencil? Pen 62. Peanut butter or jelly? peanut butter 63. Grammys or Oscars? Grammys 64. Detailed or abstract? Abstract 65. Multiple choice questions or essay questions? Essay 66. Adventurous or cautious? Adventureeee 67. Saver or spender? Spender 68. Glasses or contacts? Contacts for me, glasses on others 69. Laptop or desktop? laptop 70. Classic or modern? Modern 71. Personal chef or personal fitness trainer? Like, as a career? Both sound like hell. I’d rather hire a chef tho 72. Internet or cell phone? How can I have a cell phone without internet? 73. Call or text? Text 74. Curly hair or straight hair? Curls 75. Shower in the morning or shower in the evening? Either or 76. Spicy or mild? As much spice as I can handle (which tbf isn’t much lol) 77. Marvel or DC? Marvel in general but DC gave me Wonder Woman soooooo  78. Paying a mortgage or paying rent? Rent 79. Sky dive or bungee jump? Bungee 80. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? oreos 81. Jello or pudding? Jello 82. Truth or dare? Dare 83. Roller coaster or Ferris wheel? roller coaster 84. Leather or denim? leather 85. Stripes or solids? stripes 86. Bagels or muffins? bagels 87. Whole wheat or white? Wheat 88. Beads or pearls? Pearls 89. Hardwood or carpet? hardwood 90. Bright colors or neutral tones? bright coloooorrrrsss 91. Be older than you are or younger than you are? Can I be 22 forever? 92. Raisins or nuts? Nuts 93. Picnic or nice restaurant? Fancyyyyy af 94. Black leather or brown leather? Brown 95. Long hair or short hair? Short :D 96. “Ready, aim, fire” or “Ready, fire, aim”? what 97. Fiction or non-fiction? fiction 98. Smoking or non-smoking? non-smoking 99. Think before you talk or talk before you think? Realistically, talk first lmao 100. Asking questions or answering questions? Answering, plz slather me in attention 

[bitsandshits]

I got tagged in this so long ago and I saw it and forgot about it and nobody is surprised in the least

Thanks though @peppernine, @yoursummerfrost I’m gonna make you do it now (if you wanna)

1. Coffee or tea? Coffee 2. Black and white or color? Color for most art, but black and grey for tattoos 3. Drawings or paintings? oh god I don’t know, both? 4. Dresses or skirts? dresses, skirts invariably look weird on me 5. Books or movies? books 6. Pepsi or Coke? All pop is gross and idc what anyone says, it’s called pop 7. Chinese or Italian? Chinese 8. Early bird or night owl? APPARENTLY IM A MORNING PERSON NOW WHO KNOWS HOW THE FUCK THAT HAPPENED 9. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate 10. Introvert or extrovert? I’m a shockingly friendly socially anxious introvert, people are either shocked by how good with people I am or shocked to find out that I’m introverted and mad socially anxious, it’s a constant source of amusement for me 11. Hugs or kisses? how the fuck am I supposed to choose??? 12. Hunting or fishing? I straight up refuse to do either, but I guess if I really had to choose I’d fish. My grandpa is constantly disappointed that I wont anymore though 13. Winter or summer? mmmmMMMMM god fuck if I know, I guess summer???  14. Spring or fall? FALL IS MY SHIT 15. Rural or urban? Urban, I get bored easily 16. PC or Mac? PC 17. Tan or pale? If you’re asking me what I am, I’m a ginger and therefore Pale As Fuck 18. Cake or pie? Generally pie 19. Ice cream or yogurt? ice cream 20. Ketchup or mustard? ketchup but tbh, I’m one of those people that will put ranch on fucking everything 21. Sweet pickles or dill pickles? all pickles are disgusting  22. Comedy or mystery? mystery, but comedy if it’s well done 23. Boots or sandals? boots, preferably of the leather variety 24. Silver or gold? Probably gold 25. Pop or Rock? hmmm I’ll say pop cause I’m really into Halsey’s and Kesha’s new stuff right now but punk is my true love 26. Dancing or singing? I can’t do either but I like to sing a lot anyhow 27. Checkers or chess? I don’t know how either works but I like reading about Harry and Ron playing wizard chess  28. Board games or video games? board games I guess but I don’t do either of these either 29. Wine or beer? I like the taste of wine a lot but if I’m going for feeling of inebriation, I find really vodka is where it’s at  30. Freckles or dimples? dimples, perhaps cause I’m full of freckles so it really doesn’t hold much appeal for me 31. Honey mustard or BBQ sauce? Look, ranch is where it’s at idk what to tell you 32. Body weight exercises or lifting weights? lifting weights cause im not even strong enough for body weight anymore fuck 33. Baseball or basketball? basketball I guess, but the only sport I actually like is hockey 34. Crossword puzzles or sudokus? crosswords 35. Facial hair or clean shaven? Clean shaven, only a very very few people can pull off facial hair tbh 36. Crushed ice or cubed ice? cubed 37. Skiing or snowboarding? these are both a solid way for me to break a bone/die 38. Smile or game face? smile! 39. Bracelet or necklace? necklace 40. Fruit or vegetables? vegetables 41. Sausage or bacon? bacon 42. Scrambled or fried? scrambled is the only way I’ll eat them 43. Dark chocolate or white chocolate? I’m a baby, I can’t do dark chocolate 44. Tattoos or piercings? Oh man I have SUCH a thing for both but I’ll go with tattoos 45. Antique or brand new? I’m afraid to break either 46. Dress up or dress down? Dress up 47. Cowboys or aliens? Depends, are aliens as gay as cowboys are? 48. Cats or dogs? I have a cat tattoo if that gives you an idea 49. Pancakes or waffles? Waffles but only with chocolate chips and no syrup 50. Bond or Bourne? I have no idea what this is referring to 51. Sci-Fi or fantasy? Fantasy 52. Numbers or letters? Letters I guess, math can get fucked 53. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? Harry Potter, no question 54. Fair or theme park? theme park 55. Money or fame? Money, I would hate being famous oh my god 56. Washing dishes or doing laundry? I’m currently putting off doing both, but in general laundry 57. Snakes or sharks? How could you make me choose??? Sharks, purely because they’re water animals 58. Orange juice or apple juice? orange  59. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset 60. Slacker or over-achiever? Over achiever in everything but school, where I’m a slacker 61. Pen or pencil? Pen 62. Peanut butter or jelly? peanut butter 63. Grammys or Oscars? ngl I’m not sure what either of these are for 64. Detailed or abstract? Detailed 65. Multiple choice questions or essay questions? Multiple choice, I can usually guess pretty well even if I don’t know shit 66. Adventurous or cautious? adventurous as long as someone else is choosing the adventure 67. Saver or spender? saver 68. Glasses or contacts? glasses, on myself and other people 69. Laptop or desktop? laptop 70. Classic or modern? classic 71. Personal chef or personal fitness trainer? I desperately need both tbh 72. Internet or cell phone? internet 73. Call or text? text, I have trouble processing speech 74. Curly hair or straight hair? i fucking love curls 75. Shower in the morning or shower in the evening? heavily depends on my schedule  76. Spicy or mild? I’m a baby, mild as fuck 77. Marvel or DC? marvel  78. Paying a mortgage or paying rent? rent at this point in my lief  79. Sky dive or bungee jump? I’m terrified of heights 80. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? oreos 81. Jello or pudding? After putting jello in my hair for years, I will never be able to eat it again 82. Truth or dare? truth, I’m a wimp who will tell anyone anything 83. Roller coaster or Ferris wheel? roller coaster 84. Leather or denim? leather 85. Stripes or solids? Solids 86. Bagels or muffins? muffins 87. Whole wheat or white? Wheat 88. Beads or pearls? Pearls 89. Hardwood or carpet? hardwood 90. Bright colors or neutral tones? neutrals in clothing, bright colors otherwise 91. Be older than you are or younger than you are? older, unless I could be younger again but this time without mental illness 92. Raisins or nuts? Nuts 93. Picnic or nice restaurant? Nice restaurant 94. Black leather or brown leather? Black 95. Long hair or short hair? my hair currently goes down to the small of my back 96. “Ready, aim, fire” or “Ready, fire, aim”? the... second one???? obviously??? 97. Fiction or non-fiction? fiction 98. Smoking or non-smoking? i fucking love cigarettes but I will never let myself smoke an entire one cause I refuse to allow myself to get addicted 99. Think before you talk or talk before you think? I try very very hard to think first 100. Asking questions or answering questions? answering, I love talking about myself, please ask me questions  

[lunamoon28]

Didn’t fast

So yesterday I forgot to eat only sunflower seeds as a snack, why? Because I went to target at 12 instead and had to take my anti anxiety meds. And? There was a Starbucks. So I was tempted by a caramel salted frappe and my mom said she was going to get a sandwich and I stupidly decided to get a chocolate croissant. I did feel guilty about it. I felt fat and that people were staring and judging and thinking “she’s obese and getting a high calorie and sugar drink and treat”

After the dentist we went Walmart where I bough vegan bagels, vegan mini sliders, 2 vegan yogurts, almond vanilla milk (which is 80 calories and chocolate is 100) maple ginger tea as a low calorie sweet treat, low calorie strawberry icecream thinking it wouldn’t be as good as chocolate so I wouldn’t eat as much (ended up eating the entire mini pint last night 🤦‍♂️) and a fruit smoothie that I ended up drinking the whole thing because it tasted great. So at 2 am I forgot I was tying to not eat at night and made myself 2 large bagels with butter, sugar and cinnamon and a large mug of milk with chocolate syrup that came out of the tube so fast I had about 4 servings. The bagels were too much so I finished the other one 3 hours later.

So I didn’t fast from yesterday 2pm-today 2 pm. I had a frappe, chocolate croissant, mini strawberry pint of icecream, mini slider, a smoothie, 2 full bagels and a mug of chocolate milk. THATS A TYPICAL BINGE EPISODE FOR ME. I don’t eat 6 items in one setting. I eat 6 large meals within an hour of each other for 6 hours. IM SO FUCKING PISSED AT MYSELF. I cut last night at 9. I was that mad.

So...icecream temptation gone, smoothie temptation gone. I plan on having my morning meds with 1 tspn of sunflower seeds for protein and 3/4 cup of milk so I can drink the meds down. And then a yogurt for night meds. I can swallow meds in yogurt, I’m that talented. While not eating from 10am-9pm. 11 hour fast after horrid binging sounds about right. Be hungry as it may be. Have a growing stomach. Have self control and ignore it.

Watch YouTube art tutorials that are 2-3 hours long each. Walk 30 minutes. Clean my room for an hour (Marie Kondo way). watch movies, shows, go on social media, take a shower, day dream about my future (that is a coping skill my new therapist told me about) nap, read the drivers manual again. Basically keep myself busy. I can do this. I even reposted a fasting post!

The thing that pisses me off the most is I didn’t have an anxiety attack or something that made me sad to the point where I binged. I just did out of habit!! Which is stupid and the biggest fail of an excuse ever!! Because there IS NO excuse!! What the fuck is wrong with me? I was doing so good for a week!! Oh you know what it is? I tempted myself by going out. I went past Starbucks WITHOUT bring my own snack. WITHOUT eating my own snack before I left. I wasn’t prepared. So I need to get into the habit of eating before I go out. Take my morning and anxiety meds at home so I won’t need to get a sugar drink when I’m out that will make me gain a pound.

Okay, I feel better after this rant. A haibit is formed after 21 days. I’m trying to make a habit of not binging and restricting to 600 calories a day and night. And if I can NOT eat at night AT ALL I am a goddess with power and self control who deserves to be fucking skinny at a size XS/0 and 80lbs/36kg with a 20” waist (I know a 4ish year old with that size waist so I KNOW how sick I am)

[barblebapkins]

1 through 70

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? kind of?? i dont like really really hate either of them but i would totally like to move out and not have to deal with them anymore02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? my girlfriend!!03: Do you regret anything? yes kind of, but i believe things happen for a reason04: Are you insecure? hell yeah!05: What is your relationship status? taken ❤︎❤︎❤︎06: How do you want to die? quietly and painlessly, i hope07: What did you last eat? a bagel like an hour ago08: Played any sports? nope09: Do you bite your nails? sometimes if i’m nervous or stressed10: When was your last physical fight? lmao i dont get into physical fights cos im weak!11: Do you like someone? i guess you could say that!12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? i’ve stayed up for 24 hours and almost DIED i cant do 48 hours13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? particularly, no14: Do you miss someone? my girlfriend! i want her to come back from her trip!15: Have any pets? a doggo that loves to sit on me16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? tired and kinda gross cos i havent showered yet17: Ever made out in the bathroom? no18: Are you scared of spiders? not rly, but if they touch me i may or may not jump19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? this is a very open-ended question. like back in time to fix a mistake?? way way way back in time?? idk20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? haha never!21: What are your plans for this weekend? its sunday you FUCKING IDIOT22: Do you want to have kids? How many? idk!23: Do you have piercings? How many? none cos ow24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? im an idiot!25: Do you miss anyone from your past? no!26: What are you craving right now? a shower but the LAUNDRY IS ON27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? not that i know of28: Have you ever been cheated on? dont think so? i really hope not29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? god i hope not, at least not in a negative context30: What’s irritating you right now? my bedhead31: Does somebody love you? yes!!32: What is your favourite color? dark green33: Do you have trust issues? fuck yeah!34: Who/what was your last dream about? i dont remember my dreams. i know i have them, but i dont remember them when i wake up35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? lmao i never cry in front of people36: Do you give out second chances too easily? i dont think so, though i’m glad to say there’s rarely a reason that i would need to37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? forget38: Is this year the best year of your life? so far i think so, yes. i’ve surrounded myself with the best friends i’ve ever known and fallen in love with the most wonderful person on earth!39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? l m a o40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? GOD NO51: Favourite food? probably cherries. i ate a whole bag of them by myself in like 45 minutes one time52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? yes, i’m starting to believe less and less that everything just happens by itself53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? got mad at myself for staying up until 5:30 am working on my tank in ESO lmao54: Is cheating ever okay? no. never. you will immediately lose all my trust in you forever if you do that, even if it’s not about me.55: Are you mean? no?? i think i’m a very nice person actually56: How many people have you fist fought? nobody lol57: Do you believe in true love? yes!!58: Favourite weather? rainy and cool, as long as im not actually out in it59: Do you like the snow? kind of yes, as long as im not shoveling it60: Do you wanna get married? ehehehehehheueahe yes61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? i think so yes!62: What makes you happy? my friends, my girlfriend, and being immersed in whatever i’m occupied with63: Would you change your name? nah i dont think so64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? stop ASKING ME ABOUT THIS65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? HEAUEHAHEAUH66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? my GIRLFRIEND67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my GIRLFRIEND like TEN MINUTES AGO68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? i discussed some personal shit about our family with my brother69: Do you believe in soulmates? hfdgfdk yes70: Is there anyone you would die for? its like this quiz knows