#im so fucking aware im even on meds for it

[impetusofadream]

Do you ever look at your life and just think "How the fuck did we get here?" Like this was NOT the plan, by any stretch of the imagination and even though you lived through every moment of it, you can't really pin point how you got from Point A to Point So Far Off the Rails We're Not Even on the Map Anymore.

I am 37 years old and I'm still living in the house my parents own. I pay them rent but I'm definitely not proud of this fact. I just somehow ended up as another idiot with a completely useless BFA in a town where I can't even afford a studio apartment on my slightly above local minimum wage income. (And our minimum wage is like $15. This is also not taking into account the fact my anxiety requires a door that locks to my bedroom).

I'm not sure I was ever capable of imagining my life past 30 as a teenager (I was too desperate to get away from how miserable the here and now was making me at the time.) But I always thought I'd be... more?

I definitely didn't picture myself alone, with barely a half dozen people I've dated over the last 20 years and none of them ever developing into an actual relationship. (To be fair to my younger self, she hadn't realized she was ace-spec yet.) Which yeah finding someone willing to accommodate potentially never having sex again... is exceeding difficult and emotionally draining. And honestly more often than not ends up feeling kind of degrading. Esp when your dating ocean is more like a small pond.

That gnawing loneliness that underlined honestly 90% of my life past about age 6, I didn't expect that well of pain to keep overflowing instead of finally being capped. Unexpected, but unsurprisingly it just get worse when all your friends start getting married and having kids and you realize that everyone else has at least one person who outrages you on thier priority list. The universe suddenly materializes as this massive cunt for not having the grace to make you aro on top of ace so you could at least wrinkle your nose at the entire concept of nonplatonic relationships.

But no, that bitch made you a MASSIVE sap, which when compounded with your deeply touch starved upbringing means you DESPERATELY crave intimacy... but you live in a world where a large percentage of society believes that kind of intimacy only comes from romantic/sexual relationships past a certain age.

So you find your 37 year old self awake at 2 in the morning in the same room that she used to sob into a Minnie Mouse pillow to about being bullied by the popular kids, now quietly crying into a capybara squishmallow because it's the only thing that doesn't complain about 5 seconds in your life about being held onto; Wondering to yourself, "how did I get here?"

.

.

.

and wondering if maybe you really are broken and deficient in some way everyone else can perceive except you.

[nanamis-bigtie]

Someone got so triggered that I'm considering making some extra money (or rather by that their unsolicited advice wasn't met with a ritual buttlicking on my side ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) that they ran to rant on me on their blog, to rant how bad making money on hobbies is because capitalism, #eaththerich, and endangering community...I guess?

Vile me, looking on semi-empty stomach at 5.54pln left on my account week before next payment, wondering how I can squeeze a few bucks extra because through next few months when I have even more medical treatment spendings.

Vile me, being a writer. Maybe it would be forgiven to me if I were a craft maker or artist. After all, no one says a word on merch or art commission, or fanzines... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, if making money on fics is too much of a "black market" for you & you don't like seeing your favorite writers struggling, many of them have a ko-fi! So do I! Tips are legal, safe, and make everyone happy! ❤

[ultimateinferno]

Looking back I think one of the biggest things that got me through uni was that Canvas had calendars that showed when assignments were due and actually let me plan out what tf I was going to do without feeling overwhelmed.

Well... that and being a tutor/TA/lab assistant letting me work on homework during my shifts. Those two things really pushed uni from being agonizing to doable.

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

[hellheld]

i may have realized that harlot is actually going to be very difficult to ship with IUHRGUIEGTKJR

[combeauferre]

.

[fabulouslygaybean]

turns out that eating breakfast after taking the meds you should eat with food is a good idea

[cherry-shipping]

goddamn i gotta figure out what the hell my horrortale self insert does in the underground. i know everything about their life before that and HOW they get there but i have no idea what the fuck they do once theyre actually DOWN there

also i ran out of tags im saying this here as an addition so you know why they just sorta end abruptly. lol. everyone say thank you to my habit of talking in the tags cause i dont want people to see the shit i say

[larryjohnsoncosplayonthursday]

last

for realsies

[septemberpdf]

.

[the-one-and-only-overlass]

what is wrong with me that i'm like 'i don't hate myself, i don't think of myself as inherently dangerous/predatory/subhuman, i'm not suicidal, i don't think my death would be an inherent moral good, and all of these are problems that i need to solve'

and it's not like i'll ever have the follow through to actually train myself into believing that. let alone actually actively making my life worse. so it's not even really something to worry about.

but like seriously what is wrong with me that i see someone suffering and my first thought isn't 'they shouldn't be suffering' but rather 'i should be suffering more'

honestly this is a reason i should be suffering more. my life is too good it should be worse.

[ichthysgospel]

re ur tags fucking hell that sucks im so sorry. i shouldn't have assumed that was snarky, the notes on this post have been full of people being like WELL I SAW A DOCTOR ONE TIME AND IT DIDNT HELP! GOTCHA! so i kinda jumped to conclusions which was shitty & im sorry. i wish i had good advice for finding good doctors i literally just kept going to different ones until someone listened and giving the finger to the ones that didnt. to be fair when i got my ptsd dx i hadnt slept in a week (to avoid nightmares) and was tripping absolute balls (because apparently lack of sleep = hallucinations) so it was sort of. painfully in-your-face obvious what was going on. the doctor i was seeing before that told me i should just try to be more positive. and then refused to refill my meds unless i scheduled a pap smear. the guy before that was willing to prescribe meds but he didnt bother to look at my history and ordered meds that were straight up contraindicated for me. my most recent psychiatrist refused to prescribe anything for adhd because he thought i was ??? following a trend or something??? idk i have a good team now but it took like a decade and a lot of assholes along the way. i guess im saying hang in there/keep fighting to find a good one? and also sorry for being an ass.

aw this is actually so sweet thank you :( I'm not mad at you at all I genuine just kinda. forgot (?) doctors actually have a job besides taking your money and telling you to wait it out. I think I'm finally starting to get lucky with the doctors I have now I really appreciate the encouragement :)

[whumper-whimsy]

@augusnippets day 15

Bonus prompt: Relapse

SELF HARM TW, manic episode, destructive behavior, flashbacks, toxic and abusive relationship, lots of unhealthy stuff, sex mention

(lmk if im missing a tag!)

°

Whumpee was breathing quick, hardly aware of where he was. His hands shook, his body shook— he shook.

His meds... where did his meds go? He stumbled into his bathroom, pulling open his medicine cabinet and grabbing the orange bottle. Empty.

Whatever. He didn't need those anyway! Great, just fucking great.

Chucking his bottle at the wall, Whumpee closed the cabinet, looking into the mirror on the door. He was a mess, his hair ruffled, pupils dilated, eyebags dark. He was a mess. A mess.

"You're a mess."

Whumpee physically winced as his ex-boyfriend's words rang in his head. He tried to block it out, but it was too late.

"You're a mess. Look at you!" Whumper had pushed Whumpee to the ground, his eyes dark. "What do you think you're doing, huh? Running away like a little bitch? You were supposed to be home an hour ago!"

Whumpee groaned, clutching his head. He didn't need to think about Whumper. Not now. Especially after Whumper had texted him again.

"I'm sorry, okay? I forgot to check the time and‐"

"Probably letting yourself get passed around that club, huh? Stupid whore."

Maybe it didn't hurt to read his text this time? Maybe he was in a better mood than the last time they'd spoken.

Maybe Whumper wanted him again.

He unlocked his phone, opening his messaging app.

"i miss you, baby. come over, please?"

Whumpee stared at the text, running a hand through his hair. Adrenaline flushed through his system— Whumper wanted him again! He typed back hastily, breaking out in laughter to fight the tears welling in his eyes.

"be there in 20. i miss you too."

"dont be late. Bring lube."

oh.

Whumpee sunk against the wall, leaning on his bathtub. Why did he need Whumper like this, even though he knew he was going to get hurt again? Why did he like it so much?

His eyes latched onto his razor. Without thinking, he grabbed it and began to dismantle it. Slipping out a razor blade with shaky fingers, Whumpee pressed it to his wrist. He sighed as he drew a line into his skin, watching blood dribble down his wrist.

He dragged it over his skin again. He had forgotten how great this felt.

How long had it been? Weeks? Months?

Whumpee didn't care. He'd sink into this pain and let it consume him until he was okay again.

And he'd go to Whumper's house looking like a mess.

[gloria123idk]

Since my RSA AU is growing strong here's some things for RSA! Heartslabyul boys (REMINDER: RSA AU IS BASICALLY WHERE CHARACTERS ARE OPPOSITE OF THEMSELVES)

RSA!Riddle (White Queen):

• In this AU his mom is still strict as fuck, BUT he decided that he'll run out to the fuck knows where (somehow survived on street (got later LATER adopted tho))

• His signature spell "Through the Looking Glass" is able to summon origami animal or object. He still has some problems controlling it when he wants to summon origami animal, for example he wants to summon origami bird but ends up with frog or other shit

• Street Smart but FOR SHIT NO BOOK SMART (Also probably dyslexic) (Give him a book and he will either destroy it or eat it out of frustration)

• Even when pissed off, he will smile in the most cute way possible (Dont believe guys with ':3' smile)

RSA!Ace (Alice):

• Often has hallucinations and is cut off out of reality most of the time, so he often misses things and overthinks what is real and what is not (and has paranoia)

• Is basically Pomni or Kinger from TADC 😭

• Is pretty strong when it comes to magic. Signature Spell (still without name lol) can break false realities, barriers and magical hallucinations (as long as he's aware those are not real (give this man his meds and he will be unstoppable GIVE HIM.)

• Will call you by 'Sir' or 'Ma'am', but often gets confused (We love him tho, he's sweet)

RSA!Trey (Mad Hatter):

• Is a lil bit insane (But who isn't 💀)

• His spell "We're All Mad Here" can change unanimated objects as he pleases to whatever amount he wants (often breaking laws of physics)

• Is basically Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony, minus the baking part (DO NOT LET HIS MAN INTO YOUR KITCHEN, DO NOT)

• WILL encourage you to do dumb shit :3 (and WILL join dumb shit)

RSA!Cater (Dinah):

• Acts as he's only normal here (he's kinda not, but cant blame him)

• After his family was moving so often, he just decided in Middle School he will live with someone from his friend group, somehow it got on Ace (at some point Cater was living in same city where Ace was and just decided to stay there) (Dinah and Alice... Hehe... Get it? Im so fucking hilarious)

• Gives off "Fuck you all" vibe

• Has ZERO internet knowleadge, and speaks like old man

RSA!Deuce (White Rabbit):

• Always has clock with himself to keep up with time (clock is 2 days late)

• His signature spell "Into Rabbit Hole" allows him to create rabbit hole that can teleport anywhere he wants as long as he knows place (sometimes he'll screw up and you will end up in completly unrelated place)

• Absolutely AGAINST violence.

• Is main reason of all Ace's problems in RSA 💀 (Fuck you)

[bakiuwu]

Kinda crazy how the crossover proves why there shouldn't have been one in the first place. Baki and kengen are very different but constantly get grouper together. Like yea, there might be a few similarities/references when it comes to kengen with baki, but like they are both so different, especially for them to take place in the same universe. Like the shit with pickle, so no one on the kengan side heard of pickle even tho everyone in the world was aware of his existence????

There's just so many things wrong with that crossover Like can't get over the fact these mfs barely interact with eachother, everyone's fucking personality was water down and mfs were just cardboard cut outs OR MISCHARACTERIZE SO FUCKING BAD LIKE JACK AND SOME OTHERS, LIKE THEY WAYER DOWN SO MANY BITCHES ITS NOT FUNNY ESPECIALLY JUN like I don't know much about kengan characters but i know DAMN WELL his ass would had been more active then what he was honestly same for everyone.

Like imagine after he said "thoes guys are scary looking" he would follow it up with ".....im go talk to them" then proceed to go over there IDK SOMETHING LIKE he coukd had try placing a bet on who said is gonna win....idk katou could had join in on it THEN THEY ALL COULD HAD INTRO THEMSELVES TO EACHOTHER AND GIVE INTRESTING COMENTSRY MAN IDK I JUST WANTED THESE FUCKERS TO ACTUALLY TALK TO EACHOTHER BUT WAIT THAG ACTUALLY REQUIRES CHARACTER WRITING. It's like Netflix didn't know how to handle two big groups of characters who all have big personalities so they just said fuck it and Sedated everyone.

Another thing....how come characters of the same series weren't interacting with each other??? Like doppo was just off by himself same for shibakuwa...like why and nobody talking to baki like at ALL was very odd to me its like if characters were assigned a role they wasnt allowed to interact with another character outside that role, like how come doppo wasn't sitting with katsumi and the others???....how come katsumi didn't interact with saw ping that would been interesting because ya know both of their dads fought.....but no know of tha....nothing for this to be a crossover bitches weren't really crossing over...I'm sorry but nobody talking to baki really bothers me

Also kinda crazy how the movie did the two things I BEG TO NOT HAPPEN LIKE WTF

the sence with kurhea and the other guy was kinda funny but annoying cause the movie link them together cause they're both doctors....okay and? Theyre still too very different characters....also really they went to med school together....okay that's it, AND YOU DONT SEE THEM AGAIN. WHAT WAS THE POINT. I thought they was gonna to be helping heal people, like there could have been a funny scene of them fighting over who's way the best way of healing a patient...idk man.

Oliva and Julius moments were funny but also annoyed me when I found out they was pair together due to them both using brute strength....like okay

Shibakuwa and the one guy interactions were werid, he was so out of character LIKE WHY WAS HE ANNOYED BY HIM LIKE WTF ALSO REALLY THERE INTERACING BECAUSE OF AKI

Gaia and fucking M's moments were..... disappointing asf, they mischaracterize tf outta gaia like???? SO GAIA WHOLE THING IS SCREAMINF HUH? THATS WHAT YAL GOT FROM HIM LIKE WTF MADE YALL THINK THE FIRST THING HE WOULD DO WAS SCREAM AT A GUY HE IS AWAERE IS FUCKING BLIND ARE YOU DEAD ASS LIKE?????

ALSO WHY ARE THEY SECURITY, ALSO WOWWWW THEY ARE PAIR TOGETHER BECAUSE THEY BOTH DEAL WITH MILTARY SHIT WOOOOOWWW SO CREATIVE

*sigh* I think the most disappointing one was baki and ohma I wanted them to be silly besties so bad but Netflix literally gave me nothing ALL THEY DID WAS STARE AT EACHOTHER AND LOOK AWAY LIKE WHERE WAS THE FUNNY MOMENTZ LIKE WTF, ALSO THE "your just like me" FUCK OFF YALL GAVE THESE TWO NOTHING

How did yall fumble these interactions so bad....also Jack being water-down to "guy who does drugs".....really piss me off and the fact they couldnt make a original fight for him and raian says alot like they fucked him over so bad....im not over this.

The movie was made to fucking quick it need more time and actually writing before being released. It's also so clear how they didn't want to hurt anyone's fucking feelings so they made sure it was only 3 fights so it could be fair and end on a fuck ass draw.....bullshit like I was hoping to GOD it would end on everyone going to eat but nope....nothing

Also, pickle being there was so???? Unneeded like It felt out of place like the moment between him and ohma was kinda cute but like okay? After that he just left and no one from kengan seem...to give a fuck tha he was a caveman/ seem to notice....okay

ALSO im sure this takes place after the father and son fight (cause they reference the face baki made during his fight with yujiro) so having pickle interrupted the fight was so????? Especially if he learn his manners when baki scold him for trying to interrupted his......hmm a

Also yujiros moment felt a little off cause like don't get me wrong, his moments were fun, but like the way he just left cause him and the guy got screamed at for "ruining"the fun like???? IT was funny but so rushed, also him knowing the niko style..."So you're the one that guy he taught that style to." okay....also, his interactions with the other guy were weak as shit

Last thing....this shit....

PISSED ME OFF SO BAD AT FCUJING FIRST I WAS HAPPY VERY HAPPY BUT THEN WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT......THIS DOENSNT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE ITS LIKE THEY JUST PUT THEM JN TIT JUST TO PUT THEM IN IT OMFG WHA WAS THE POINT??? LIKE SPEC IS CANONLY IN A FUCKIN COMA, DORIAN IS NOT MENTALLY THERE SO WHO TF BROKE HIM OUT, WHEN TF DID DOLYE BREAK OUT??? THE ONLY ONES WHO ARE CANONLY OUT ARE SKIORSKY AND YANGI BUT EVEB THEN WHY WOULD THEY FUCKING GROUP UP??? JUST TO FIGHT THIS GUY ALSO....REALLY PAIRIG UP THE GUY WHO IS ALL ABOUT JUSTICE WHITH THE CONVICTS WOWWWWW HOW CREATIVE.....omfg this is so stupid also WHY SKIORSKY AND DORIAN THE DAME HEIGHT AS SPEC???. LIKE DUDE

(Like a small part of this is funny cause they dont have a clue in the world skiorsky is living hjs besr life in a small apartment with his boyfriend, also like to imagine skiorsky was here cause he was picking up gaia.....)

yea ....it took me less then 24 hours that day to realize how much I hated this shit

[stealingyourbones]

Hey Bones, I saw your thing about a Bat family member becoming a ghost and it reminded me of a very heart breaking au a friend and I came up with a while back that I don't remember if I submitted or not. Either way, be prepared to have your heart broken.

Tim is dead. He's been dead for a while actually. But No one seems to have noticed. He looks and feels just as solid as he did before he died, even if he's got a lower body temperature and doesn't seem to get hurt on patrol beyond bumps and bruises. Never anything that would land him in med Bay, never anything that would make his family check on him.

No one has noticed the way he doesn't eat anymore, or the fact he doesn't sleep. He's extended his patrol hours and cut back on time at Wayne Enterprises. He's pretty sure not even Alfred noticed. He knows the Kryptonians aren't worried about him not having a heart beat and they have no reason to tell anyone. They know he has a special device that can hide him from their senses and tests it on Kon a lot to make him focus on spacial awareness beyond his hearing. He used it a lot before he died. They just think he hasn't turned it off in a while.

Tim remembers how he died. Not fully, but there are pieces. He remembers he was fighting someone on a bridge and he didn't call for back up because he thought he could handle it. He doesn't remember who he thought he could handle. He remembers something stinging his arm. A bug? No a bug couldn't bite through Kevlar, it was a needle. Then everything started going dark and he was stumbling back. His back hit something hard and he tiped over it. He thought he could land on the other side. He remembers wondering why his suit felt so damp and heavy as the world went black around him.

Tim's body is still at the bottom of the bay where it will likely stay forever with so, so many other bodies. It makes Tim wonder, why him? Why not everyone else who ended up down there? Why not everyone who has died in Gothem? Did he come back like Jason did, is it something to do with being a vigilante? Tim checks his own pulse again while he's alone. Yep. Still dead. He continues on his patrol and tries to shove those thoughts away.

So what if Tim's dead? He's still here and he still has work to do. His family is full of detectives. If they can't figure out that something as important as death has happened to one of their own? Well then Tim thinks they need to pay more attention. He ignores the pain that curls in the back of his mind at that thought.

It's been 6 months. Why hasn't anyone noticed? Tim can't help but wonder if they ever will.

Howdy its me @bonebrokebuddy answering. I'm Twone's (twin bones) twin who is helping answer asks because this fucker has like, over 100 of them in her ask box and I help her with making prompt ideas frequently so she trusts me to not horribly fuck up her account.

This is my first answer for her I've written because I had my screen on low brightness and on darkmode, so your profile jump scared the shit out of me when I scrolled past it. Therefore im answering this one first.

Anywho, from my chronic inability to write angst here goes: Tim died, came back and none of the Bats seemed to care. So what? It's not like his best friends hadn't done the same thing. And he was tired and sick of the Bats thinking his entire life revolved around them.

So he packed up his bags and headed to Kansas.

The Bats might not be worried but neither was Kon or Bart. They're actually thrilled after getting over their initial grief that Tim now has also personally experienced death and came back. The funeral was a rather small, breif, and quiet afar. Kon made sure to help locate Tim's corpse and Bart helped with the eulogy (surprisingly heartfelt and moved them all to tears.)

Sure, they're sad that Tim died but he's right in front of them, it's a little more difficult to morn when you've been laughing at said dead guy who got stuck halfway through phasing out of the wall. And now Tim can keep track with them!

Kon is a little pissed that Tim can now go intangible and escape his TTK so he can't take away Tim's coffee anymore. But it's kinda worth it. The first time he took Rob on his favorite flight path, he's never wanted anything else than to hear Tim's breathless laugh and see his frighteningly perfect smile again. They now often go on flights together, high above the clouds with no-one else but them for thousands of miles around. (it almost felt like a date)

Bart knew this would happen one day. He was from the future, of course he knew that Tim Drake, formerly Red Robin, died at age 19 and changed his alias to The Grey Ghost. It doesn't mean that Bart doesn't morn the passing of his friend. Tim means a lot to him and the brief guilt that he did not stop Tim's death also quickly passes. He can finally show Tim that hiding space in the walls that no one else can get to without phasing through the wall! One other thing. Bart is unsure if Kon has noticed yet, which he knows Kon isn't the most observant of the old young justice crew but he has to have noticed it by now. Ever since Tim left Gotham he's developed an insane appetite despite claiming that he didn't need to eat while in Gotham and also being dead so why does he need to eat? (Unknown to Bart, Kansas doesn't have as much ambient ectoplasm as Gotham and Tim is starting to experience the withdraw symptoms. If the trio don't realize how to fix Tim's worsening symptoms soon, Tim might actually die for good this time.)