#im so excited to replay and make all the same choices i did the first time but Sexy this time. and also to build the party correctly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

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TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part Four (Harry Styles)

a/n: happy TLABL day!! can’t believe we are already on part 4! im not sure if part 5 will be the last part, im still very much writing the rest so we’ll see! thank you so much for all the love you’ve been showing the series, i love reading your reactions! feedback is very much appreciated this time as well!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce

word count: 11k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

You wake up feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck or at least consumed a whole bottle of tequila. Your head is pounding and it’s probably with all the crying and stress, so you are quick to take some pills to ease the pain. Sitting on the edge of your bed you stare ahead of you blankly, trying to gain power to start the day.

Though today is Sunday, so you are not working, you’re still worried to face Harry after whatever it was that happened last night. What were you thinking, kissing your boss out of the blue? And what was he thinking kissing you for the second time? It kind of feels like a dream, but you know it really did happen.

You try to stay in your room as long as possible, avoiding to face Harry, but soon enough you can’t postpone it any longer, because you are starving. Peeking out of your room you hear voices coming from downstairs and as you reach the stairs you recognize not just Harry’s and Izzy’s voice, but Niall’s as well.

Arriving downstairs you see Niall and Izzy sitting on the stools at the kitchen island while Harry is cleaning the dishes after their breakfast probably. He is wearing a pair of light-washed jeans and a black hoodie, the sleeves bunched around his elbows. He looks so casual and yet just looking at him makes your heart skip a beat. You are in some big trouble.

Niall spots you first and he perks up waving in your way happily.

“Good morning, Y/N!” he beams, his accent sounds so comforting in such a stressful moment, for some reason.

“Hi, good morning,” you breathe out. Harry turns around, his eyes fall on you and a shiver runs down your spine. He just looked at you and you already want to run away and hide in your room a little longer.

“Morning,” he greets you with a nod before turning back to the sink to finish the dishes.

“Daddy and Uncle Niall are taking me to the park! We are picking Yara up too!” Izzy shares the news with you excitedly.

“Oh, that sounds great!” you smile at her, giving her cheek a gentle pinch before moving to the fridge.

“Do you want to come?” she invites you and your eyes immediately flicker over to Harry who looks at you the exact same time, making your stomach drop right away.

“Um, I have some work to do, maybe some other time,” you smile at Izzy, grabbing yourself a yoghurt and a banana before shutting the fridge closed.

“So how was yesterday?” Niall asks and you freeze. Does he know what happened? Did Harry tell him about last night?

Niall sees your frightened look to which he shoots you a confused one.

“The wedding, Harry told me earlier you had a wedding yesterday.”

“Oh, it went… fine,” you nod shortly, peeking at Harry who is now staring down at his feet awkwardly. This was starting to get painfully ridiculous, the two of you dancing around each other, pretending like you weren’t down each other’s throats just a few hours prior.

“Alright, let’s leave, we need to pick Yara up in twenty,” Harry claps his hands. Izzy jumps off the stool and takes Niall’s hand as they all head out of the house. “We’ll probably have lunch somewhere and then go grocery shopping, so we’ll be away for a while,” he informs you without looking your way before leaving without even waiting for any reaction from you.

Yeah, this was straight up the most awkward conversation you’ve had in a long time.

“Here, Izzy. Play some games on my phone!” Niall passes his phone to her with a sweet smile, but Harry smacks his bicep.

“What are you doing? She has enough screen time already!”

“Yeah, but I needed her to be busy so I can ask you what the fuck was that in the house.”

Harry curls his lips into his mouth, his eyes glued to the road ahead of him as he tries to come up with a good answer, but he knows he could never fool his best friend.

“Don’t stop, even if she is busy with the phone,” Harry scolds him, glancing at Izzy through the mirror, but she doesn’t seem to be listening to them. Niall rolls his eyes, but lets his words uncommented. “Besides, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Oh, you exactly know it. You and Y/N were like scared little bunnies around each other. She looked like she was about to faint any moment when you looked at her.”

“Maybe she was just tired,” he shrugs, but Niall laughs at his weak attempt to fool him.

“Now tell me the real reason, I know something happened.”

Harry chews on his bottom lip, debating whether he should come clean or not, but he knows Niall won’t leave him until he finally tells him so he is not left with many choices.

“We kissed.”

“What?!” Niall snaps, a little louder than Harry expected, his voice makes him flinch. “Sorry, that was a little too dramatic, but what the fuck? Why were you keeping this from me?!”

“Because I knew this is how you’d react,” Harry mumbles under his breath. “And… I don’t think it will ever happen again.”

“What do you mean?”

“The whole thing was a mess,” Harry sighs. “She came home late, pretty upset because she met with her ex at the wedding.”

“The one that cheated on her?”

“Mhm. The dude was an asshole and… she was crying in the kitchen when I came down. We sat on the couch, talked, I tried to calm her down and all that and then… she kissed me.”

“Wait, she kissed you? Wow, she’s got balls!” Niall laughs.

“Yeah, but it was, like, really short and she pulled back, shocked at herself for doing it. I think it was just all the emotions that got her a little confused. But then she tried to apologize and… and I kissed her.”

“What?! Oh my God!” Niall’s mind is blown and he doesn’t even tries to hide his excitement hearing the news about last night. “Was there tongue?”

“Jesus, Niall!” Harry scowls. “I’m not sharing the details with you.”

“Okay, but was it like a solid, short kiss or you guys went right at it?”

Harry doesn’t answer, but it tells enough about the situation and Niall can’t help but whistle as he claps his hands.

“Stop acting like a horny teenager, Niall,” Harry growls rolling his eyes at his friend.

“So you guys snogged, what’s the matter with that?”

“It got awkward. We just pulled back and I think we both were pretty shocked about it and… she just stood up and said that she is going to bed. End of story. And then you were there in the morning, so… yeah.”

“Tell me why the hell we are heading to a playdate then when you should be talking to her?” Niall asks, arching an eyebrow at Harry.

“There’s not much to talk about. It just happened in the heat of the moment, that’s all,” Harry shrugs, but deep down he knows it’s a blatant lie. At least on his side.

Unlike you, who fell asleep right away, Harry spent about an hour lying in his bed wide awake, not able to think about anything else but your lips on his. He replayed the whole thing in his head about a million times, he was starting to feel ashamed of it, but he just couldn’t stop.

Your abrupt leaving left him puzzled and he thought long and hard about why you felt the need to run away. The only thing that made sense to him is that you regretted it the moment it happened, that it really did just happen in the heat of the moment so Harry thought it’s best to act like it didn’t even happen.

“Please don’t be an ass and just… talk to her. We both know we can never know for sure what a woman thinks about. You can’t just assume and think that your assumption is one hundred percent right.”

“I find it funny that you’re such an expert in this stuff, but you haven’t had a stable relationship since like, we finished college,” Harry scoffs as he takes the corner and starts driving down the street to Yara’s moms’ house.

“Me not having a relationship doesn’t mean that I’m not good at them. It’s a choice,” Niall smirks.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“But back to the topic, you wanted to kiss her, right?”

“I mean, yeah? It kinda threw me off as well, but it was… nice.”

“Please don’t refer to a kiss as nice again,” Niall gags, but Harry just chuckles at him. “A kiss is hot, passionate, pant tighteni—“

“Okay, that’s enough!” Harry cuts him, earning a cackle from him.

“Just talk to her, don’t be a pussy.”

“I really do need better friends,” Harry mumbles under his breath as he pulls up to the driveway.

You really didn’t feel like staying home alone in that big ass house so you invited yourself over for an early dinner to your mom’s. You haven’t been over since the little fiasco with Trevor so you thought it might be a good idea to spend some time with them. Trevor said they’ve been trying to keep the fighting down to the minimum and not let it turn into a screaming match, so your speech worked after all.

It’s past three o’clock when you leave, no sign of Harry or Izzy and you feel like they won’t be back for a while either, so you lock everything up and head out.

You have a genuinely good time. It’s obvious that your mom feels guilty about her past behavior and is trying to lure you into forgiving her, though you already did that. But you’re happy your little speech worked. At least Trevor can have his peace now.

After dinner your mom disappears in her room and then returns with a nicely wrapped box and you sigh, rolling your eyes.

“Mom, I told you I don’t need gifts.” You give her a look. Your birthday is coming up next week, but you were never the kind to celebrate. You never felt comfortable with all the attention and fuss birthdays come with, so you’ve always liked to keep it down. These past years you didn’t even ask for anything, though your parents never listened and this year doesn’t seem like an exception either.

“Oh hush. You can’t expect me not to celebrate my baby!” she shakes her head, sitting back to the dining table. “And besides, I didn’t pay a dollar for it,” she then adds and now you’re curious what she got you.

Removing the lid of the box you peek inside and your lips immediately part as you see the stack of polaroids inside.

“I know how much you like old photos and when we sold Grandma’s house back in August, I found these in my old room. I got a polaroid camera for graduation, just in time to take tons of pictures of you,” she explains with a soft chuckle as you start going through the pictures from when you were born and the next few years. Whenever you are done looking at a photo you hand it to Trevor so he can take a look at them too.

“Are you sure you don’t want to keep these, mom?” you ask glancing up at her over the stack.

“I took out a few for myself,” she admits with a sneaky smile. “You can have the rest, I know how much you love these stuff.”

“Thank you, mom,” you smile at her, hugging her from the side, feeling touched by this gift.

It’s nearing eight when you arrive back home, the lights are still up and if you had to guess you’d say that Harry is trying to tire Izzy out enough to put to bed, as usual. Walking in, your guess is proven right, the TV is on in the living room while Harry is sitting on the couch, Izzy all over him in her pink pajamas, playing around with his hair like she always does.

“Hi Y/N!” she calls out happily when she spots you.

“Hi Sunshine, did you have a good time today?” you ask with a soft smile.

“I did! And guess what!”

“What?”

“Yara invited me over for a sleepover!” she beams, clearly ecstatic about the invitation.

“That’s amazing!”

“What’s that?” she curiously asks pointing at the gift box in your hands. Harry turns to see you, his eyes falling on the box as well.

“Oh, it’s a gift I got from my mom,” you explain, stepping closer.

“Is it your birthday?” she questions, knitting her eyebrows together.

“No, not yet. But it will be next week,” you admit with a soft chuckle.

“Really? Are you having a birthday party?” she gasps, getting way too excited already. Harry eyes you without a word, holding Izzy by her hips so she is not losing her balance standing on the cushion of the couch.

“I’m not, sorry. I don’t like having birthday parties,” you pout at her apologetically.

“Oh, okay. Can I see what you got from your mom?”

“Izzy, don’t be nosy,” Harry warns her, but you just smile at the curious girl.

“Sure,” you nod, joining them on the couch. You sit on the opposite end than where Harry is, Izzy in the middle as she watches the box in awe. You set it down to the cushion and take the lid off, revealing the stack of photos.

“What are these?”

“They are called polaroids. They are old pictures, taken with a special camera that kind of prints the picture out right away,” you explain to her as she takes the first photo from the top, a picture of your mom holding you as a newborn. She was so young, practically a child herself, yet her pride was undeniable, it shone all over her face. You spot Harry looking at the picture as well over Izzy’s shoulder, still keeping his silence.

“Who are these people?”

“That’s my mom and that’s me as a baby. And… this is my dad,” you hold up another photo that features your dad.

“They really were young when they had you,” Harry speaks up for the first time, surprised by the photos.

“Yeah, they were.”

“What are you going to do with them?” Izzy questions, dropping the photo back into the box as she leans back to lie on Harry’s chest.

“Not sure yet. I might make an album from them,” you shrug. “I really like polaroids, I love that they are one of a kind.”

Izzy nods, though you’re not sure she understood what you meant by that. Fidgeting with her fingers she pushes down a yawn and Harry takes that as a good sign.

“Alright, time for bed, Love. Say good night to Y/N.” He picks her up as he stands from the couch. Izzy waves at you smiling with tired eyes.

“Night-night, Y/N,” she singsongs as Harry carries her towards the stairs.

Putting the pictures back into the box you head into your bedroom too, feeling like the time when you and Harry talk about what happened yesterday will never come. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t want to acknowledge it, so you’ll just let it slip. It happened just in the heat of the moment, didn’t mean a thing, you better forget about it.

After a speedy shower you are getting ready to just go to bed, read some and have a relaxing evening, something you didn’t have the luck to have the day before. But right as you’re about to make yourself comfortable in bed, there’s a knock on your door.

“Hey,” you breathe out as you open it and find Harry standing in the hallway.

“I hope you weren’t sleeping already.”

“No. Come on in,” you invite him inside and he walks in. As he awkwardly stops in the middle of the room you realize he hasn’t even been in here since you’ve moved in. He takes a look around, examining what you’ve done with the room and you feel thankful you decided to put your laundry away just yesterday, so no dirty underwear is littering the floor anywhere.

“How can I help you?” you ask with a soft smile.

“I, erm… I just wanted to clear some things,” he starts, clearly feeling nervous about the conversation and that makes the two of you for sure. Nodding you let him know that you’re waiting for him to carry on. “What happened yesterday…” he starts and your breath gets caught in your throat. “You were very emotional, a lot happened and it was a very confusing moment probably for the both of us. I really like working with you, I’m very happy with the way you’ve been taking care of Izzy and I would hate to ruin it with anything.”

You can feel your stomach dropping even though you were bracing yourself for this version of the situation. It was very likely that Harry would want to keep things professional, like before, but it still makes you feel like shit.

“I’m sorry for stepping over some boundaries, but I really hope that… we can put it behind us and that we can move on.”

He is using his business tone. It’s the same tone he used with Sarah and his assistants and now he is using it to talk about the kiss that happened between the two of you.

“Sure,” you answer quietly nodding. “Moving on sounds… great,” you nod, forcing a smile to your face, but it couldn’t be more fake.

Harry nods as he runs his tongue over his lips, looking around a little awkwardly now that it’s been discussed.

“Alright, then… good night, Y/N,” he nods in your way before heading towards the door.

“Good night, Harry,” you mumble after him as he walks out and closes the door behind him.

As soon as you are on your own, you let out a shaky breath, falling to your bed, lips trembling as you try to even make out what you’re feeling. Because part of you is glad he didn’t make a fuss about it and you didn’t lose your job, that’s great news. But another part, which is vehemently bigger than the first one is upset and sad and… disappointed?

You were hoping it meant something for him, you wanted him to want it, to feel the same craving for you as you feel towards him, because you haven’t really stopped thinking about what his lips felt like against yours, what it was like when his fingers dug into your thigh, how it sent a shiver down your spine when his tongue met yours.

But this conversation just made it awfully clear that he wants nothing to do with you. And it hurts probably more than it should.

Harry doesn’t get too far from your door when he feels the all too familiar pain in his chest he has been forced to live with these past over three years. It’s like something is gripping his heart and lungs in his chest so tight, even breathing is a hard task.

Rushing into his bedroom he closes the door behind him and slides down to the floor as the tears flood from his eyes. The past twenty-four hours have been rough on him, the guilt has been growing immensely since he let himself slip and give in for his desires and eventually kiss you.

It’s not that he didn’t want it. Because he’d be lying if he said it meant nothing to him and that he hasn’t been craving it these past weeks.

But his guilt, this evil little voice in the back of his head wouldn’t let him enjoy it even the slightest.

How dare you kiss another woman after your wife? Are you insane? You don’t deserve to feel this way with anyone else. Not when you were the reason your wife ended up dead!

Heartbreaking sobs escape from his chest as he pushes himself up from the floor and heads into the bathroom. He strips out of his clothes leaving them all in a pile on the marble tiled floor before he steps into the shower and lets the hot water pour down on him, almost burning his skin, but he doesn’t change the temperature, as if he was trying to punish himself. His salty tears mix with the water as he stands still, chest heaving as his vivid memories from that night come crashing down on him all at once.

“Are you giving me the silent treatment now? Really?” Harry sighed at his wife when she failed to answer his question about the whereabouts of his sweatpants. Maggie sat on the bed with the recent maternity book she’d been reading these past days, not even paying her husband a look at his question.

“Mags, for fuck’s sake, I’m not in the mood to play this game right now,” Harry sighed in defeat. Maggie looked up at him, closed the book slowly and put it aside to the bedside table.

“So the question of expanding our family is just a game to you?” she asked calmly, but her anger and disappointment in her husband was soaking through her tone.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“No, you are not talking about anything, because you refuse to have a fucking conversation with me!” she retorted, letting all her bottled up anger out that’d been boiling inside her.

“I already told you that I can’t think about having another baby right now. Izzy is only six, I’m in the middle of a huge project, I don’t have the capacity to think about having another baby, Maggie. I thought I made it clear, why are you still onto me then?”

“Because it’s not something we can put aside for too long! I don’t want to have another baby when I’m in my mid-thirties, but if we go with your plan, we won’t even have another one!” Maggie jumped to her feet, pacing the floor back and forth next to their bed as Harry stood with his hands on his hips, getting irritated that they were fighting over the same thing again.

“I never said we can’t have another baby, but why can’t we wait a little? When Izzy is older and more independent? Do you have any idea how hard it is to take care of a baby and a toddler? It’s a fucking nightmare!” Harry growled rolling his eyes.

“So our family is just a pain in the ass for you?” Maggie questioned, folding her arms on her chest and she was really getting on Harry’s nerves, twisting his words completely.

“That’s not what I said!” he snapped. “All I’m asking for is you to be a little patient and give me some time!”

“I don’t have time, Harry! I want it as soon as possible!”

“Why are you so fucking difficult?” Harry groaned, running his hands through his hair. “Why can’t you wait just… one year at least? Is that too much to ask?”

“And is it too much to ask to focus on your family? We are supposed to come first!” she turned it back around and Harry was not having the dirty games she was playing, putting all the blame on him when she could have been a little more understanding as well. He was feeling like his opinion was put aside and didn’t matter at all.

“You do come first, you don’t have the right to question that.” Harry pointed at Maggie, his blood practically boiling at this point.

“Then why do I feel like work is always more important to you?”

“What are you talking about? You know I’m home as much as I can, but we still need the fucking money, Maggie! Or how do you plan on paying the bills of this fucking mansion?!”

“I don’t need a mansion! I just need my family and that’s all!” she argued, but Harry rolled his eyes at her.

“Well you seem to enjoy this mansion a lot when you sit by the pool and watch movies in the fucking movie theater in your own home!” he snapped back feistily. “Stop acting like I don’t do shit for our family when I work my ass off to provide the best possible life. And all I’m asking for in return is some fucking time before we bring another baby into the picture!”

“You are so fucking unbelievable,” Maggie shook her head as she marched past him, walking away from the fight that just grinded his gears even more.

Just as Harry was about to go after her, he heard the faint crying through the baby monitor. Groaning he headed into Izzy’s room and as he took her out of her crib, he heard the front door open and shut.

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry, did we wake you up?” he cooed, hugging the crying little girl to his chest who clung onto him immediately. Even at such a young age, Izzy was already a daddy’s little girl.

Soon her cries died down to just little hiccups as Harry soothed her, patting her bum and back gently as he moved around the room. Holding Izzy in one arm he grabbed his phone with his free hand and typed a message to his wife.

Harry: Where did you go?!

Maggie: I’m going over to my sister’s. Don’t wait up, might get home late.

Harry couldn’t help but roll his eyes. She called him out for running away from the conversation, but when they were finally talking about it she just decided to disappear when it didn’t head in the direction she wanted, seeking comfort at her sister, as always.

He managed to lull Izzy back to sleep, putting her back to her crib before going back to the bedroom. As time passed by and he calmed down more and more he wished Maggie was home so they could talk about it without jumping at each other’s throat. There had to be a compromising way to solve the situation that would be fine for the both of them.

Harry: Please come home and let’s talk about it.

Maggie: So you can bite my head off again?!

Harry: Mags, please. You have to understand my point of view too!

Maggie: I understand it, but I don’t agree with it. And you don’t seem to understand mine…

Harry: I do, but there are more things to consider. Please come home, I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone!

Maggie: Okay, I’m heading home now.

Harry put his phone down to the nightstand with a long sigh, already tired from everything that happened that day and he knew this conversation would be a hard one too, but they needed to be on the same page when it came to their family.

It was late getting late and Harry grew a little more restless with each passing moment. Paisley, Maggie’s sister lived about thirty minutes away from them and it’d been forty minutes since she sent her last text. At first he figured she maybe stayed and talked for a little longer with Paisley, or stopped for some fast food which he knew she liked so much whenever she was upset, but when an entire hour passed by he was getting worried.

He kept sending her texts that didn’t even get delivered and when he tried to call it went straight to her voicemail. Harry was losing his shit so he decided to call Paisley to see if she knew anything about her.

“She hasn’t arrived home yet?” she asked, clearly surprised.

“No, and she is not answering my calls and texts. When did she leave from yours?”

“A long time ago. Almost right away when you texted her to go home.”

“Fuck,” Harry breathed out, anxiously pacing the floor as he held the phone to his ear. “Okay, can you please call your parents in case she went there for whatever reason? I’ll try her friends.”

“Yeah, sure. Let me know if you got a hold of her,” Paisley told him before they ended the call.

Harry was scrolling through his contacts, trying to decide who Maggie would go to first in this situation and just as he was about to call the first person, his phone started ringing with an unknown number.

“Hello?” he answered the call unsurely, his heart beating fast in his chest as he stood in the middle of the room.

“Mr. Harry Styles?” a male voice asked on the other end.

“Yes, it’s me. Who am I speaking to?”

“I’m Officer Field speaking. You were listed as the emergency contact for your wife, Margaret Linn Styles.”

Blood rushed out of Harry’s face faster than he could even process what was happening. He stood completely frozen, his hands were getting clammy as he started sweating as if he just ran the marathon.

“What happened?” he asked weakly, barely even finding his own voice.

“Mr. Styles, I have bad news…”

Harry makes his way down to the entertainment room, walking like a zombie, only thinking about the bottle of vodka that sits in the minibar down there. Following his skin burning shower he tried to go to bed, but his head was starting to spin from everything that’s been swirling in his mind and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop it if he didn’t numb himself somehow. Unfortunately, his only way of doing it has been drinking, nothing seemed to help him the way alcohol did and though he knew he should never solve any of his problems with drinking, he still couldn’t help himself sometimes. When the pain was growing immensely, taking over his whole body, he chose the easiest way to get rid of the guilt or at least stop himself from… feeling.

Grabbing the bottle from the mini fridge he snatches himself a glass as well, not drinking straight from the bottle at least, and plopping himself down to the couch he pours a generous glass, drinking it without any chaser.

He winces as the alcohol burns down his throat, but at least it’s a different kind of pain, that takes the focus away from the one he is feeling in his chest.

One glass chases the other and since he is not particularly used to the heavy drinking, he is more like the ‘let’s nurse this pint for an hour’ type of guy, the raw vodka kicks in pretty quickly.

But he is not the only one who can’t fall asleep tonight.

You tried everything in your power to end your misery and finally fall asleep, but your mind and body was plotting against you and made you toss and turn until you couldn’t take it any longer. Making a good cup of tea seemed like a good idea, so you headed down the kitchen.

As you round the corner after the stairs and you’re about to walk into the kitchen, you notice how the lights are on down in the entertainment room. You stop in your tracks and try to think back if anyone was there before you went upstairs, but you don’t think it was the case.

You figure since there are only two adults living in the house, it must be Harry down there and right now, facing him doesn’t sound like a good idea, so you decide to leave him be, but that’s when you hear the voice of some kind of glass breaking, followed by a heavy accented cursing and it changes your mind right away.

“Harry?” you softly call out as you walk down the stairs, not sure what to expect down there. He is crouching down, his back in your direction as he is trying to get the pieces of the broken glass up from the floor, but he is too disoriented to succeed in the task and it’s obvious that an injury is deemed to happen sooner or later.

“Harry, you’re gonna cut yourself!” you warn him, and walking over to him you pull him up from his squatting position and when he looks at you is when you realize that he is drunk out of his mind.

“Y/N, oh shit, did I—Did I wake you up?” he slurs, knitting his eyebrows together as he tries to focus his vision on you.

“You didn’t, but let me just—Why don’t you sit down for a moment while I clean this up, huh?” you suggest, pulling him towards the couch, making him sit. He falls to the cushion like dead weight, letting out a tired sigh while you rush to get a broom and a dustpan to get rid of the broken glass on the floor as fast as possible before someone cuts themselves.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he breathes out closing his eyes.

“It’s okay. I’ll just clean it up quickly,” you assure him, getting down to business.

“Not about the g-glass. Well, about that as well…”

“Then why are you sorry?” you ask, as you sweep the shards onto the dustpan and throw them into the closest trashcan.

“About being… a pain in the ass,” he hiccups.

“You are not a pain in the ass,” you chuckle softly as you sit beside him.

“I am. I fucked things up,” he nods with a painful expression all over his handsome face.

“What do you mean?” You know you shouldn’t make him talk in this state, but you can’t help your curiosity. It seems like drunkenness makes his tongue run wild and you are desperate for the tiniest crumble of information about what’s going on in his head.

“I just… I kissed you,” he breathes out, his eyes popping open, but he is staring at the ceiling, not you.

“And?” you ask, trying to act cool, though your pulse is rapidly increasing.

“And I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh.” You lick your lips and try not to show how much that hurt. But even drunk, Harry notices the disappointment in your tone. His glassy eyes snap over to you and his face falls right away.

“That’s not how I mean it!” he gasps, reaching for your hand and you’re surprised by the sudden physical touch, but it feels kind of nice, so you let him hold your hand between his arm palms. “It’s not like I didn’t enjoy it, because fucking hell, it was amazing!” he bluntly tells you and you can already feel the heat crawling up your neck.

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“Then why did you tell me all of that in my room just earlier now?”

Harry pulls his hands back and moves his arms across his face, covering his eyes as he slides down the couch, his legs spreading out in front of him. He lets out a shaky whimper and seeing him like this worries you a lot. Harry is always in control, he has never let him fall apart like this before.

“Because… I don’t deserve to feel this way,” he confesses, confusing you even more. What is he talking about?

“Why wouldn’t you?”

He shakes his head under his arms, biting into his bottom lip as he inhales deeply, like he is trying to keep something inside, something you shouldn’t know about, but now you are desperate to find it out.

“I’m a fucking mess,” he breathes out, letting his arms fall to his sides, but he keeps his eyes closed, shutting you out in a way. “I don’t deserve to have these feelings,” he repeats again and it appears he is more likely talking to himself, rather than to you.

“Harry, what are you talking about?”

“I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you, because if I did, you’d never be able to look at me again.”

Now he is crying. Tears are rolling down his cheeks and his lips are trembling and you’ve never seen him in such a vulnerable state and quite frankly, it scares you. You knew him to be a strong and stable man, but now he resembles a frightened little boy, so lost in this big world.

“I’m pretty sure it’s not that bad, Harry.”

“It is,” he winces, as if it’s causing him physical pain to even talk about it.

“Harry…” You breathe out and moving closer you place a hand on his knee, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. He turns to face you, his eyes all watered and glistening, he looks so heartbroken, it almost pains you as well.

“Promise me you won’t see me as a monster,” he whispers.

“I-I promise,” you nod, already bearing yourself for the worst, judging from the look on his face.

Taking a deep breath he looks around, as if he is making sure no one else is listening. Then his eyes fall down to his hands in his lap, he fidgets with his fingers, his tongue running along his pink lips before he takes a deep breath and speaks up again.

“Maggie’s death… It was all my fault. I fucking… killed my own wife.”

His voice dies down at the end of the sentence, staring into the void, completely zoned out as you sit beside him, shocked at his words. This was not exactly what you were expecting him to say. Harry starts sobbing again, the hot tears running down his cheeks as he starts crying and panic sets in you. He is so out of his own world, you have no idea what’s happening to him. Rushing over to the mini fridge, you grab a water for him, thinking it might help him at least after all the alcohol he has consumed.

“Here, drink some water,” you softly tell him, taking the cap off as you hand him the bottle. He takes it with a shaky hand and raising it to his trembling lips he takes a few small sips. “Harry, what do you mean it was your fault?” you ask, knowing well you probably shouldn’t push it, but you can’t just ignore what he said.

“Exactly what I said,” he sobs shaking his head vigorously. “It was all my fault, I was a fucking coward and that’s why she died! I could have stopped her! I should have gone after her!”

He is not answering you, not entirely. He is speaking thoughts that have been planted in his head a long time ago and they seem to be on repeat whenever he is feeling down. As much as you want to get more details out of him, he needs to rest, especially because he is working in the morning.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed, H,” you tell him as you stand up and reach out for him to help him to his unsteady feet. It turns out to be a little harder than you expected, but you manage to get him up from his sitting position, and throwing one of his arms over your shoulders you start to walk him up towards his bedroom.

“You fucking hate me now, don’t you?” he slurs, his other hand reaching out towards the wall to steady himself a little more.

“I don’t hate you, Harry.”

“But you think I’m a monster, right?”

“I’m not sure I know enough to think anything about you. This is a conversation we should have when you’re sober,” you suggest and he huffs.

“M’sorry for getting drunk in the middle of the night.”

“It’s alright. But I think you’ll have a mean headache in the morning,” you tease him as you finally reach the upstairs and head down the hallway towards his room.

“You’re a fucking angel, Y/N. You know that?” He just keeps talking and talking and you find it funny how different he is from his reserved and quiet self in this state.

“Am I?”

“Yeah. You are. You are so good to my daughter and to me as well… I really don’t get why your fucker ex cheated on you,” he huffs and you can’t help the smile that tugs on your lips. “What was his name? Kyle?”

“Keith,” you correct him.

“That fucker, Keith!” he spats making you laugh as you push his bedroom’s door open and walk him inside finally. “I bet he had a small dick.”

“Why does that matter,” you chuckle, making him sit on the edge of the bed.

“Because guys with small dicks are always out of touch with themselves. They think they are just better than everyone for some reason.”

“Do you have any scientific research to prove that?” you tease him as you push him down, tugging him under the covers, like a little kid.

“No, I just… know shit,” he sighs, his eyes falling closed the moment his head rests on the pillow.

“Alright. You can tell me more about what else you know when you’re sober. Now get some sleep, because you have work in the morning.”

You make sure he lies on his side as he hums his response. Reaching down you brush his messy curls out of his forehead as he breathes out harshly through his nose, probably about to fall asleep any moment.

Tapping on the screen of his phone on the nightstand you make sure that he has set up his alarm and you see the little alarm clock icon at the top bar so you are just about to walk out when you turn back around.

Seeing how he pushed so many things down inside of him, you’re not convinced he’ll be willing to give you the answers you are looking for. You’re afraid he might talk himself out and give you some kind of bullshit answer, so reaching for his phone you sneakily take his thumb and open the device, all whilst he doesn’t even move an inch.

Scrolling through his contacts you find Niall’s number and send it over to yourself before deleting the message so you leave no trail behind. You set the phone back to his nightstand and head out finally, going to bed as well, right after sending Niall a quick message.

Y/N: Hi! It’s Y/N, I got your number from Harry’s phone. Can you come by sometime tomorrow? I need to talk to you about something.

When you come down in the morning it’s pretty obvious that even though Harry had his alarm on, he snoozed one too many times and now he is in a rush, trying to get everything done and leave on time.

“Good morning,” you greet him and Izzy upon walking into the kitchen. Harry’s head snaps up from the half-made breakfast in front of him and judging by his expression, he more or less remembers what happened last night. “Rough morning?” you ask teasing him to ease the tension.

“Uh, yeah. Woke up a little late,” he nods, finishing up Izzy’s sandwich just the way she likes, without the crust on before handing it over to her. Izzy grabs the plate and marches over to the dining table, quietly munching on her food while Harry quickly tries to make himself a coffee, but he is a hot mess, still in his night clothes when he is supposed to leave in about ten minutes.

“I’ll make you the coffee, go and get changed,” you offer, taking over the machine.

“Oh, thank you,” he nods and for a change, he doesn’t try to argue with you, he just disappears upstairs.

You make his coffee just as he likes and leave it on the counter for him before joining Izzy at the table with your own breakfast. She is babbling about how excited she is for her piano lesson today, because she’s been practicing a lot lately. When Harry appears again he is dressed for work, but still looks a little disoriented.

“Hey,” you softly say as you join him in the kitchen.

“Hey, thank you for the coffee,” he nods, moving around the kitchen.

“No problem. How are you feeling?” you ask, hoping you’re not crossing any boundaries. Harry opens his mouth to answer, but then closes, probably not sure how much he should share, though he didn’t have too much problem with that last night.

“I’m… A little hangover, but I’m… fine,” he nods shortly. “Y/N, about last night, I—“

“We can talk about it later, okay? Don’t stress about it.” You give him a reassuring smile and you can tell he is sort of relieved he doesn’t have to have this conversation right in this moment.

“Thank you.”

“No worries. And I’ll clean up in the kitchen, don’t be late,” you smile at him warmly. You can tell he wants to protest, but he also knows he is running late so he doesn’t have much choice.

“Thank you, I’ll… see you later.”

Storming over to Izzy he presses a kiss to her forehead before grabbing all his stuff and leaving.

Niall texts you back not long after breakfast that he is free to drop by when Izzy is having her piano lesson. You carry on with the morning as usual, trying your best not to dwell on everything that happened last night.

Just as Rosaline and Izzy get settled for the lesson you hear a car pulling up outside and a few moments later the doorbell rings through the house.

“Let’s get one thing straight, is it a booty call?” Niall questions right away as you let him inside.

“It’s good to see you again,” you chuckle, shaking your head at him.

“So no sex is gonna be involved?” he smirks and you know he is just teasing you.

“No, sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh, you can never disappoint me, darling,” he winks at you before walking into the kitchen to serve himself a drink. “So why did you need to see me so desperately?”

“Well, I know I shouldn’t be discussing this with you first, but I feel like I need to know some basic information that Harry might not give me so I thought you could help me out.” Niall nods as he pours himself some soda and joins you at the kitchen island, sitting on the stool next to you. “I uhh—I need to ask how much Harry shared with you about… about me—and, um what—“

“Save the stuttering, I know you two kissed,” Niall cuts you off and you breathe out in relief that you don’t have to be the one breaking him the news.

“Oh, okay,” you nod with an awkward smile. “Yeah, so that happened. And last night he and I had this conversation how we should just keep our relationship professional and all that. We both went our own way but then later I found Harry down in the entertainment room, drunk and basically having a meltdown of some sort.”

“How drunk was he?” Niall asks, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Pretty drunk. He broke a glass and he was… crying and talking about a lot of stuff.” Niall takes your words in as he inhales deeply, just nodding for you to continue. “He started telling me how sorry he was for fucking things up and he was a mess, like a huge fucking mess. Then he told me about how he shouldn’t be feeling the way he does, because he doesn’t deserve it…”

“Jesus…” Niall shakes his head, probably already knowing where this is heading.

“And then he told me that his wife’s death was his fault. That was… pretty intense.”

“I can imagine.”

“I know I have to talk to him about it, but I’m really afraid he might shake it off, but it seems like he is having some serious issues and I wouldn’t want things to get out of hands. That’s why I thought I would talk to you, maybe you know what to do or how to approach him with such a sensitive subject.”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s nice of you for being so considerate,” Niall nods, scratching his chin. “Alright, I’ll tell you what I know, but please also let him tell you if he decides to share it with you.” You nod and turn all your attention to him. “I didn’t find this out until about two months after Maggie’s death, but apparently, the night she died they had a fight. Maggie had been nagging Harry to have another baby, but he wanted to wait a little longer, until Izzy is older so they don’t have two babies at the same time. Harry said they had another big fight about it, said some pretty nasty things to each other before Maggie just stormed out to go over to her sister’s. She made it there, but… never made it back home.”

A shiver runs down your spine at the thought of how devastating it must have been, losing your partner after an intense fight without ever making up.

“Understandably, Harry completely lost his shit. For weeks he was barely functioning and we all knew he was grieving, but we didn’t know that he was blaming himself for what happened. When he wasn’t getting any better we somehow convinced him to go to therapy which luckily helped him immensely, but he stopped going a while ago. I thought he got things straight in his head about this whole Maggie situation, but I guess he is still hung up on that.”

“What about the drinking, did that happen a lot?”

“Not that I know of. I mean, yeah, he got wasted quite a few times, but only at the beginning. I don’t think you should be afraid that he might turn into an alcoholic. I think he is just really struggling right now because of the conflict he is having because of you.”

“Because of me?”

“Yeah, he is clearly very confused about his feelings for you and he has convinced himself he shouldn’t feel this way towards anyone ever, but then you came,” he chuckles softly giving you a knowing look.

“Niall, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” you breathe out, worry and fear slowly taking over your judgment.

“First and foremost just… be patient with him, okay? This is genuinely the first time he has taken an interest in anyone since Maggie and I think he has already taken some big steps, which is a good sign. Try to talk to him and be open, but don’t push him. I know it can be really annoying when he keeps things, but let him tell you everything at his own pace.”

You nod, understanding the importance of not rushing Harry into anything. Just because you want to get over the awkwardness of the current situation, you can’t push him over his own boundaries.

“Okay, I’ll try to do that,” you nod taking a deep breath. “Thank you, Niall.”

“Oh, and don’t let him give you the ‘you work for me, we shouldn’t be doing this’ bullshit alright? He’ll try to make it out to be some kind of business, but it’s not. He needs to get himself out there and I genuinely think you’re the right person to help him with that.”

His words touch you and you’re not even sure how to react. Niall is clearly someone who stands close to Harry and if he thinks that you and him should give it a try, that must mean something. You can only hope that Harry will come around and think the same at one point.

Izzy gets a little fussy by the end of the day and it takes a lot of persuading to get her to bed in the evening. Harry arrived back home on his usual time and because it’s been such a hot day outside, he took her out to the pool. The problem with that is that Izzy never wants to get out of the water, so when Harry said it’s time for dinner she threw a bit of a tantrum as Harry brought her inside and her mood didn’t get any better later either.

You spent most of your night in the living room just watching TV and working on your laptop, updating your schedule for the upcoming weeks and doing some editing. Harry stays upstairs with Izzy for a long time when her bedtime comes and you figure she is still a little moody, but then you eventually hear his footsteps approaching. Harry pads his way into the living room and joins you on the couch. When you glance over at him you know he is trying to find a way to start the conversation you both know you need to have, so you put your laptop aside and turn your attention towards him.

“Y/N, I’m really sorry about last night. I’m honestly so terribly ashamed you had to… see me like that,” he starts, clearly nervous to bring it all up.

“It’s fine, happens to everyone,” you assure him and it’s the genuine truth.

“It’s not a regular occurrence, really. I usually know my limits and try to stay within them. I’m really sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

“Harry, don’t worry about it,” you tell him again with a warm smile. “We can get past it. I think what we really should talk about is… what you said. Do you remember what we talked about?” you carefully ask.

“I do…” he nods, awkward diverting his eyes away from you. “I’m sorry I told you all that in that state, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to just pour it all on you so suddenly.”

“It’s alright.” “No, it’s not,” he protests shaking his head. “I dropped a bomb on you because I couldn’t deal with my own problems the right way, and it’s not okay. So please, just… accept my apology.”

“Okay, I accept it,” you nod.

“And about the whole thing with… What I told you about Maggie…”

“Just know that you don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to. I’m happy to listen whenever you are ready to, but I’m not trying to push you.”

“I know and thank you for that, but I feel like… I owe you an explanation,” he admits and you nod, happy that he is willing to talk instead of closing himself off entirely. “The day Maggie died, we got into this huge fight and she ran off to her sister. It was… a whole mess, we both said things we clearly didn’t mean and I texted her, tried to get her to come home so we could talk things out. That’s when… she was on her way home when it happened and… I still feel like it was my fault.” His voice dies down at the end, just like it did last night when he was talking about her. It clearly left a deep scar on him that’s still not entirely healed and you can’t blame him.

“Everyone keeps telling me that it wasn’t, that it was just all one big coincidence, but all I can think about is that she would still be here if we didn’t get into the fight and I didn’t piss her off so much she felt the need to leave.”

“There was no way for you to see what would happen, Harry. It’s not like you did it on purpose, you had no power over the drunk driver or where Maggie chose to drive home. It really was a coincidence.”

“I know, I mean… I understand, but somehow, my mind keeps telling me that it was my fault.”

“Have you thought about… getting professional help?” you ask, trying to be polite and cautious on the topic.

“Actually, I just called my therapist today to see if… she can fit me in for some sessions,” he admits and you’re surprised at how great he is dealing with the matter. “I feel like I might need some guidance again, before things get out of my hands.”

“That’s great! It really is good to go a bit ahead of problems.”

“Yeah. About us…” he exhales nervously, his eyes meeting yours and you can tell this is the part that’s got him the most anxious. You take this as your queue to take over the conversation.

“Harry, I’m going to be honest with you,” you start and he nods, chewing on his bottom lip. “I… I have feelings for you. You haven’t been the only one making realizations,” you add with a soft chuckle, that brings a smile to his lips as well. “I know that the situation is not quite ideal, but it’s not impossible. But I just want you to be honest with me, do you have feelings for me?”

The conflict is clearer than daylight in his eyes as he is trying to figure out what to say and you really hope he isn’t gonna try to mask his feelings.

“I do,” he then admits and it’s like a giant rock has been lifted off your chest and shoulders. “It’s just… I’m not sure how to deal with it.”

“That’s alright,” you tell him. “Let’s just… take it slow. We’re not in a rush, we obviously have a lot to figure out and that’s completely fine. The pace is completely up to you, I know that you need to get a lot of things straight in your head and I can wait, okay? I’m not going anywhere, I really like where we are now and… I just hope that we can move this forward whenever you feel comfortable with it.”

Harry stares back at you for a moment like you’re some alien creature. Like what you just said wasn’t normal or even human and that’s quite heartbreaking, because somewhere along the way he managed to convince himself that he is not worthy of the most basic decency.

“I-I can’t ask you to wait around while I figure my shit out, that’s not—“

“You’re not asking me, Harry,” you smile at him softly. “This is my decision.”

His eyes are shifting between yours and he is most likely looking for any sign of doubt or qualm, but there’s none, you genuinely meant everything you said.

“So, where does this leave us?” he then asks and you shrug your shoulders.

“Everything goes on like it used to and… whenever you are ready to take a step, just… let me know.”

You can tell he is filled with questions, but he just nods with a weak smile and leaves it at that. This will be a bumpy ride, but at least you are more or less on the same page now.

You haven’t been a big fan of birthday celebrations. You just never understood the big fuss about it, throwing a party for surviving another year? Seems a little weird. This is why you never treated this day any different.

The morning starts off as usual, only that you wake up to a few texts from friends and family, wishing you a happy birthday. Your mom has sent you a whole damn paragraph about how you made her life complete and it wouldn’t be the same without you in it. She does that every time, gets a little too sentimental about it, but you guess it’s because it reminds her of getting old herself as well, which is a sensitive topic in her book these days.

It’s a Sunday, so a day off for you. Coming downstairs you find Izzy and Harry sitting at the dining table, already having their breakfast as usual, but when she sees you, she jumps in her seat in excitement.

“Good morning, Y/N!” she beams with a wide smile, buzzing more than she usually does.

“Morning, Sunshine. Slept well?” you ask as you pour yourself some cereal and join them at the table. Izzy nods and then peeks at her father as if she is trying to hide something with him from you.

“Daddy, can we do it now?” she asks in a whisper, but it’s not quiet enough for you to not hear it.

Your eyes lock with Harry’s over the table and the butterflies in your stomach start dancing around right away when you see the tiny smirk tugging on his lips.

It’s been almost an entire week since your conversation with him and things finally seem to get in place for now. Harry had his first session with his therapist on Wednesday and though you can tell he is still trying to find his own boundaries, he doesn’t worry as much about the situation as he probably did before. He isn’t walking on eggshells around you, unsure how to act. More or less it’s the same as it was before the kiss, but there are tiny little things that still make it different. Stolen glances, lingering touches and sweet smiles are making your days more colorful now and it’s gotten you all giddy and… happy.

“What are you two plotting, huh?” you ask, pointing at them with your spoon before digging into the cereal. Izzy glances at Harry one last time and when he nods shortly, she turns to you and throws her arms in the air.

“Happy birthday, Y/N!” she cheers as Harry reaches over to the chair next to him and pulls up a box from under the table, handing it over to Izzy so she could give it to you. “This is for you!”

“You shouldn’t have gotten me anything!” you gasp, truly surprised by the gift. You were not expecting it at all.

“It’s not a birthday without gifts!” she giggles excitedly as she hands the box over. You push your cereal bowl to the side and set the gift to the table in front of you. “Open it!” she urges you, her little hands curled into fists as she watches your every move, as if it was her who just got a present.

Your eyes meet Harry’s green ones over the table once more and he is watching you with a small smile, probably enjoying that he could surprise you.

You pull on the bow on the top and then carefully take the wrapping paper off until the box is revealed underneath and you gas as soon as you realize what this is.

“Oh my God!” you breathe out in disbelief as you take a better look at the gift. Harry didn’t just get you something, he actually listened to what you were saying and remembered that you’re a big fan of oldschool cameras and you have a special love for polaroids. And now, in front of you in the box is your very own polaroid camera, something you’ve been really wanting to buy for yourself for a long time, but you just never got around to actually do it.

“Do you like it? Daddy said you’d really like it!” Izzy asks with big eyes, watching your reaction.

“Oh, I love it!” you breathe out, feeling all mushy and melted from the gesture. Izzy climbs over to your lap, hugging your neck. You wrap your arms around her in a bone crushing hug and you’re so thankful for having them both in your life.

Izzy sits on your lap as you get the camera out of the box and figure out how to work it. She then hops off your lap and poses for the first ever picture taken with your new favorite camera.

“But it’s blank!” she furrows her eyebrows when the photo comes out.

“Because you have to wait for it to develop. It’ll show up in a few minutes,” you smile, setting the photo down on the table.

Izzy sits in her seat, excitedly waiting for the photo to develop and in the meanwhile you join Harry in the kitchen where he is washing the dishes. He spots you and turns the tap off, turning to face you as he dries his hands off.

“You shouldn’t have gotten me anything,” you tell him softly, but really feel touched by the gesture.

“No, but I wanted to. Do you really like it?”

“I love it!” you chuckle in disbelief. How could he think you wouldn’t like it?!

You move forward, aiming for a hug out of instinct but then stop yourself, not wanting to cross any boundaries, but Harry notices the motion and for your surprise, he wraps you in a warm hug on his own. You melt against his hard chest, your nose buried into his shoulder as your arms circle around his waist.

When you lean back, you both keep your arms around each other, eyes meeting and you realize just how close you are to each other. Without even knowing, your gaze flickers down to his lips and you’re dying to kiss him, to feel them again, but you don’t move, wanting to keep your word about letting him set the pace.

But what you didn’t expect is Harry leaning down and capturing your lips in a sweet, innocent kiss. It’s so different from the last time, that was a hot mess, but this one… this is light as a feather but still makes your stomach somersault as you taste his lips, cupping his face in your hands.

“Daddy! I’m thirsty!” Izzy calls out from outside and it kind of ends the moment. Harry pulls back and when you look at him you see that his eyes are still closed. They flutter open a moment later, finding your gaze and you look for any kind of regret or fear in them, but they are nothing but shiny.

“Just a moment, baby!” he answers her, a small smile tugging on his lips as he leans down and pecks the corner of your mouth again before his hands fall from your waist. “Happy birthday, Y/N,” he breathes out before grabbing a bottled water and heading back to Izzy.

You bring your fingertips to your tingling lips as you take a moment to really process what just happened and you can’t push down the smile that spreads across your face. Harry finally took the first step and now you can’t wait to see what’s coming next.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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gb-patch · 3 years

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Ask Answers: July 10th

I really let asks get away from me lately. I was super focused on working on that Patreon Moment. With that done I can finally think about doing other things, so here’s a new collection of answers!

Thank you for sending in questions everyone ^^.

For the new Patreon moment, will you be able to reference it in step 4? Or just like a tiny nod to it if you pick certain choices?

There won’t be. I’m sorry if you were hoping for that! The Patreon moment is meant to be entirely optional, it’s not something that gets you extra content in the main game.

Is the new CG artist the main one now? :0 I’ve noticed theres been a difference in the art style recently. Is the old CG artist still going to make art for the game? :0

The original artist still makes CGs for the game sometimes, but he mainly focuses on character sprites.

Are you going to put the NSFW our life moment on a website other than patreon? I would love to get it but I can't use patreon atm.

I don’t know. I'm afraid we can't release the Patreon Moment on a normal game storefront because we can't mix 18+ content with our family friendly game. If there's some other place similar to Patreon where it's not the normal type of full-scale public content releases we'd consider using that, but I’m not sure if there is another site that’s better than Patreon in that regard. I'm sorry.

Out of curiosity, in all of your games so far, which characters in each were the most fun to write? They obviously don't have to be your favorite characters!

Buffalo Seer in AFA, really everyone in XOD/XOBD is pretty equally entertaining to write, The Guide in LoV, and Cove in OL!

idk if you accept "personal" questions, but is there anything you've been watching/ listening to lately

Mostly, I’ve been watching/listening to Authortube videos as of late! It’s people who talk generally about the process of how books become traditionally published and/or share their own experience as they attempt to be published. I don’t have an interest in writing normal text based books, but it’s really interesting to hear about that world. I’m listening to a video about royalties right now as I answer these asks.

Will one of the desserts we get to pick be fudge? That'd be such a cute reference!

Haha, yeah, it should. Unless I completely blank on it and forget when trying to include the various referential food options.

I don't know if this has been asked previously but what would be the approximate heights for the presets MC can choose from Step 2 ~ 4? Are there any measurement you had in mind? Sorry if I didn't make myself clear kk I've been struggling with my English lately 💀

I don’t know, ahah. I didn’t have any numbers in mind for that. So it’s whatever you imagine it is!

I noticed a bug with the Patreon moment when it comes to what your character wears. When Jamie and Cove are kissing while my character only had dresses selected, I had both the option to remove the dress or to remove the shirt... Picking one of the options to interact with Cove, after he removed his shirt, it had Jamie remove their shirt followed by ther pants despite only having dresses picked.

Thank you for reporting ^^

I keep refreshing steam to see when the new doc for xobd will be released. I noticed you haven't posted anything about it in quite some time. Would it be possible to ask about a timeline/potential date? (If it's even this year—) I know you and your team are probably working super hard, I'm just super curious! ~Thank you!~

There are more stories done, I just haven’t gotten around to publicly releasing them. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the time on that sooner rather than later!

hello!! i’m not sure if it’s an update but i’ve just replayed our life and at the end i can’t propose to cove anymore? :(( i’ve actually tried playing twice but the options are not there anymore, did you guys remove the options? i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before!! thank you and have a good one :)

I’m afraid things haven’t been changed or removed, so I think you might’ve accidentally picked the wrong things somewhere along the way and locked yourself out of being able to propose by mistake. Sometimes you meant to say you want to get married but instead you mis-click and have it so the MC isn’t thinking about marriage or something. All I can suggest is starting from the beginning of Step 3 and making sure to follow the steps listed in the FAQ. I’m sorry for that.

Did yall remove some of the options for when youre making out with Cove in the charity moment? I could've sworn you could grab his bonkadonk and its not there anymore

This is the same situation as the above. We didn’t remove things and you’re not wrong that there are sometimes those options. But there are various choices you have to make to get those options and it sounds like you accidentally missed something. If your relationship isn’t long-term, you can’t do it for example.

HI IM SO EXCITED I CAN FINALLY GET THE STEP 3 DLC

Thank you for getting it!

Is Shiloh super totally straight bc I’m very gay and a huge Shiloh fan, would my man make an exception?😩

Sadly, he is one of our super straight characters. I’m sorry.

Hi, I have a very dumb question. In Step 2 does Cove not wanna share his drink with us at the mall (or rather why he stops drinking it) because it's an indirect kiss? Or is it like ...weird to him to share? Because if I remember right he eats off our spoon in the birthday scene right?

Yeah, he’s awkward about it because he likes the MC and it feels very personal to share a straw with his crush.

Hi! If you don't mind me asking, who is the artist for OL2? Their style is so pretty!

Thank you for saying so! This is her Twitter- https://twitter.com/redridingheart

Do Beginnings & Always and Now & Forever exist in the same universe?

Yep! XOXO Droplets also exists in the same universe. It’s one big GB Patch world, haha.

Do Pran's parents regret the way they raised him? Do they feel ashamed of it?

No. They’re the type of people best cut out because they’re not gonna change. Which is why Pran does go very limited contact when he’s an adult.

Hi! I just wrapped up my second playthrough of Our Life, and I absolutely adore it, but I had a question. I went to the gallery and found I was missing 2 CGS (specifically Step 1-3 and 2-3) and I had no clue where they would've shown up. Which moments are those found in?

You get it by telling Cove about his dad offering you money to be his friend in Step 1 and Step 2. You can’t get both in one playthrough, since you can only tell Cove the truth once. I’m really glad you liked it!

Hi hi! Please, how tall is Baxter and Derek? Love the game so much and I can't wait to see more!

I don’t know, aha. I think Baxter was around 5′10 and Derek was like 5′8/5′9, maybe. I really am not one who has specific heights for things in mind.

is adult cove a bottom, top, or switch?

A switch, though would choose the top if he had to pick.

I was wondering if there is a way to transfer save data? Even if through the game files. I wanted to be able to transfer my save data from my desktop over to my laptop so that I could continue playing right where I left off from but I'm not entirely sure how to go about that.

If you save the save folder/persistent data of the game from your desktop and put it into the game folder on your other device, that could work.

Hi! Is it possible for us to know the date when our life: now and forever comes out on steam? Sorry if you've mentioned it before but I haven't seen it and I'm looking foward to that happening and just wanted to know :)

It’s gonna be a long time, I’m afraid. There’s no estimate right now.

I started playing Our Life with my sister a while ago, and I think you guys should know that we discovered your secret. >:)

L from death note and Cove are clearly the same person, and this whole game is just an origin story!!

I’ve never seen that show so I’m sorry to say I don’t understand the connection/reference you’re trying to make. I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to media. I don’t watch movies or TV.

Will OL2 have options for disabled MCs?

I understand if it's too complicated, just curious

Unfortunately, it’s not really something we have a plan for. We couldn’t finish the game if we tried to include every disability and have it be meaningful. It’d just be too much content to create. But if we decide to only include a few, how would we choose which disabilities get to be represented and which are left out? I don’t know. It’ll probably have to be something we don’t include as an option again, sadly. I’m sorry.

playing our life > anything else

Haha, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Honestly, I would like to thank Our Life for helping me come to terms with my sexuality. Before, I never would've actually thought that it was possible to like boys romantically and still be asexual. Almost all of the BL visual novels I've read had unskippable sexual content in them and it honestly just didn't click with what I feel. I'm glad I found Our Life. I love the game, the developers, and this fandom so much. Now, I can safely come out as homoromantic AND asexual (at least anonymously here anyway; my parents are still huge homophobes 😂).

Aw, it’s great to hear you felt comfortable being yourself in the game! That’s wonderful. I’m really sorry about your parents, though.

Will the demo for OL2 be on android? Really not sure if I could wait any longer than I have to aha

Yeah, it’ll be available for Android once we eventually release a demo!

Do all these reveals perhaps mean development is progressing ahead of schedule? Please let that be the case I'm already obsessed with Qiu

No, sorry, aha. Art comes along much faster than script/programming-work for us. It’s gonna be a long time before the game is a finished thing you can actually play. But at least we can look at the beautiful images.

Hey! First of all I wanna say I reallllllyyyyy loooovvveeee Our Life and XOXO Droplets! I have over 300 hours of playtime on Our Life… Anyways, I was just wondering, are the Derek and Baxter DLCs going to come out at the same time? If not, which one do you plan to release first? :3

They will come out separately and Derek will be first! Glad you like the game.

I keep replaying Our Life to get every possible iteration and I am loving it <3 I was wondering if Cove gets locked out of his confession because MC was talking to Lee, would it be possible to confess to him in step 4?

Yeah, you can avoid the confession in Step 3 and then get it in Step 4.

Hi, my Cove wears bracelets through step 2 and 3 but I still don't get an option to give him a bracelet? I didn't even know that was possible until I seen someone else ask about it lol

Hm, did you use the Cove creator? Maybe there’s a bug where using the creator to add bracelets doesn’t fulfill the requirement to give Cove a bracelet in Step 3.

Wait, I'm dense, when does Baxter appear in step 2? Is it from big park firework? I feel so bad since i really love Baxter and waiting to buy his dlc.

It’s in the Soiree Moment. You have to be just friends with Cove, indifferent, or crushing but not ask Cove to the dance at all. Then while there you can find someone new to dance with. But if you bring Cove to the dance while crushing, the MC won’t wanna dance with anyone else so you can’t get the scene.

In step 2 when we go to the soiree I made my mc go alone and baxter chooses the mc to dance, i'm curious, why did he pick the mc? sorry if this has been asked before!

Because the MC looked to be around his age, seemed to also be searching for a partner, and had nice legs. A perfect option for him.

I read some of the FAQs, and I saw that we could tell Baxter about the condo that he rented there was previously the mean old grandparents. how do we get the mc to tell him that?

It happens in the DLC Moment “Late Shift”. If you don’t have a job you instead get a longer scene with Baxter.

I don’t know if you’ve addressed this or not, but are you planning on paying voice actors for our life: now and forever?

Yeah, we pay our VAs in all our projects.

hey can i ask how you did the moments thing in ol? im trying to get into making visual novels and while im VERY sure its out of my comfort zone and all that atm i kinda wanna know just for the future, bc im p sure it would work well for something i wanna do :O but its also fine if you cant say for other reasons :>

I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean. Are you asking how we programmed the screen or something script related? Adding Moments like that is pretty straightforward, though. You just have buttons that open to different labels and then the scripts are essentially individual short stories/vignettes. Good luck with your VN!

Since Autumn becomes gender fluid later in the game, will there be a character who remains as he/him to romance in game?

OL1 has the he/him LIs, OL2 is all about other genders.

I don't want to impose on your creative plans, but a parrot could possibly make a good pet in an OL-type game? They're pretty long-lived and likely to still be thriving by the end even if the MC got them back in step 1.

I do appreciate the suggestion, but I’m afraid it’s not likely going to happen. I understand there are technically some animals that could theoretically live long enough to last the whole game that or we could have the MC only get a pet after some years have already passed. But the many things that would have to be considered/accommodated for makes it just something we probably can’t manage adding. I’m sorry.

As time passes will we be able to see Qiu and Tamarack's other stage arts as well?

They are both so cute i can't wait to be friends with them!

Yeah, we’ll show content from other Steps in the future. It’ll be a little while from now, though.

Can you date Cove and still have your family comfort you in the car?

You can’t get Cove’s Step 3 confession scene if you have the family comfort you in the car. But that’s not the only way to date him. You can get together with him earlier in the game or later on in Step 4.

Is Mc always going to be the one walking down the aisle or could Cove do it? Also could you choose to have one of your moms walk you?

No. Cove wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle like that and the MC automatically respects that. And the MC also gets to have their preferences respected, so it’s up to you whether they want to do an aisle walk or not. You also can pick who, if anyone, walks with you.

Once step 4 is out, will you be able to go the whole game on crush/love without either of you confessing?

Yes, as long as you tell the game you don’t want to progress the relationship. Even in Step 4 it won’t force you to officially get together.

Howdy, so in Step 4, there will be any Romance with Derek that is not part of any dlc?

He’s only a friend unless you get his romance story.

Will the step 4 in OL2 be one big step or are you considering moments?

Step 4 is just an epilogue in both games.

hi kind of a weird question but!! we know tht cliff doesn't start dating again but. wht abt flings? like does he ever do 1 night stands or anything? thank u!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nope. Cliff has a very small interest in sex. If he’s not in a real relationship with a partner he’s crazy about it simply isn’t something he feels a need for, so one night stands wouldn’t even cross his mind.

sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if there were plans for there to be bonus love interests in OL2 like how we have derek and baxter in OL1.

Maybe! There are side characters who could be given romance stories, but whether or not it will happen depends on funding and how long everything else takes to finish.

I don't know if i'm allowed to ask about ol2 here yet, if not u can ignore this or answer it later. My question is can you date one of them and be good friends with the other? I don't want to be strangers with the other bcs i love them both a lot :<

Yes you can!

what patreon level do i have to be to unlock the nsfw moment? im on the $5 one right now, will that give me access to the moment, or just access to the moment progress?

That’ll give you access! Tier 2 and anything higher allows the player to download it.

#our life #ask #gb patch #gb patch games #all projects #Our Life Beginnings & Always #Our Life: Now & Forever

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an-emovision · 3 years

Text

❞𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕃𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕐𝕠𝕦❞ - 𝕋𝕒𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕚 𝔸𝕞𝕒𝕛𝕚𝕜𝕚

~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀ A/N: Hi! so uhhhh had this in my drafts, im gonna post it and pretend i like it because thats how i roll. I love tamaki so much please. again, art isnt mine, credits to the original artist (idk who it is, if you know then please tell me so i can give credit) neewayz enjoy! Trigger Warnings(s): Fluff(?) ~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀ ❞𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑖'𝑚 𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝐿𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑔𝑜 𝑖 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖 𝑤𝑖𝑠ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖 𝑘𝑛𝑒𝑤 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑖𝑚 𝑠𝑜 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙❞ --------- You were a very outgoing person, very cheery and kind, always willing to talk to people and make friends. The almost exact opposite of Amajiki and yet he just couldn't seem to stop himself from falling for you. Every day he always found himself stealing glances of you in class, occasionally the two would lock eyes. You'd smile that brilliantly bright smile of yours and make Amajikis stomach do back flips and his heart flutter, he would always turn away before any further contact could be made. On one particular day Nejire had asked you to sit with the big three at lunch, to which you happily agreed to. Amajiki almost had a melt down when Nejire had told him, to which Mirio patted him on the back giving him a "you got this dude!" a grin, and a thumbs up. It made the poor boy feel...slightly better but as you approached them in the cafeteria Amajiki tried his best to keep himself together. Why did you have to be so attractive? how dare you, it was unfair really. He just couldn't take his eyes off you, confidence radiated from your form. Mirio once told him that if he waited to long that someone would steal you, Nejire agreed. You were after all one of the most popular students at UA, not only was your quirk amazing and your fighting skills godly but your looks where beyond words, Amajiki was painfully aware of these facts. "Hi guys!" You grinned and Tamaki almost fainted. "Glad you could join us!" Nejire smiled as she took you by the wrist and dragged you to their lunch table, you couldn't help but giggle at her excitement as she asked you a bunch of questions about you and your quirk. Most of the quirk questions she asked she most likely already knew the answer to, you four being in the same class and all. Nejire took a seat next to Mirio, across from you and Amajiki. "Soooo Y/N...Do you have a crush on anybody?" Nejire asked suddenly, making you choke on the tea you where sipping on. "I-I uh-" You tried to avoid looking at Nejires grinning features, she already knew the answer to her question. Of course you did and it was none other then the boy you where sitting next to, you didn't answer her question, simply coughed and continued to sip on your drink. She sucked her teeth, unsatisfied with your answer, if you could even call it that. Mirios eyes wandered to Nejire then to Tamaki who was silently eating his food, his face was beet red at how close you and him were, your shoulders where brushing against each other. Then Mirio looked at you, whos cheeks were dusted with a light shade of pink as you tried to brush off the last conversation topic. He rolled his eyes and had to fight the urge to just blurt out that the two of you should date each other already. Soon the lunch bell rang and it was time to head back to class, Amajiki let out a soft sigh as the four of you started heading to your shared classroom, you and Nejire chatting about a show that she had starting watching recently. Mirio fell behind them a bit so he could walk beside Tamaki. "So, When are you gonna tell them?" He asked, knowing full well that it would take some sort of miracle to get Amajiki to confess to his crush of two years. The shorter gave a small shrug before slipping his hands into his pockets. "I-I don't know...Really i don't think i ever will. " He again let out a gentle, almost sad sigh "I dont think i'm good enough for them, they're so amazing." "Aw come on Tamaki! you're part of the big three!" Mirio gently nudged him with his elbow, to which Tamakjis eyes wandered to the opposite direction. "They think you're awesome" "Well yeah but they're right behind us on the list of top students" Amajiki informed him. It was true, you were almost part of the big three yourself but you ended up failing a test by 6 points and getting knocked to fourth. You didn't mind, you where pretty comfortable in your spot. "What're you guys talkin' about?" Nejire asked, walking backwards and looking at them with the same sweet smile she always had gracing her soft features. "How awesome Y/N is" Mirio patted Amajikis back, making him let out a soft hum. You tilted your head "Oh yeah? im honored." You smiled "You guys are way cooler then i am." Nejire giggled, Tamaki stiffened at her sudden question "So which of our quirks is your favorite, Y/N?" You hummed, tapping your chin for a moment. Tamaki expected you to say Nejires quirk seeing as you two have been friends since you both stepped into class 1-A in your 1st year at UA. "I think Amajikis quirk is the coolest" You smiled to him, Tamaki noticed and then you smiled it was as if your eyes where smiling to, his heart practically exploded, barely able to get out a 'thank you'. You giggled at his shyness, finding it adorable as always. Nejire couldn't help but giggle at the two of you, Mirios grin widened as he two watched you to. "Nice choice Y/N" Nejire smiled as she took you by the hand as you four made it to class, seeing as you and her sat next to each other she lead you to your seats, ready to take on the rest of your day you sat down as class began. As the end of the day rolled around you stretched as you made your way to the front of your dorm building. You had some homework to do as well as some studying, then you thought you could train a bit then- You had bumped into someone, not to hard it just startled you a bit as you where to deep in thought, planning out the rest of your day. You quickly bowed "I'm so sorry I wasn't paying atten-...Amajiki? what're you doing here?" You had bumped into Tamaki, not only that but he was standing in front of your dorm room. "O-Oh I uh- I-I" He stumbled harshly through his words, on top of that he was mumbling. You noticed a small piece of folded paper in his slightly trembling hands and smiled, just as you noticed it he stopped mumbling and actually spoke up a bit. "I-I just- I wanted t-to give this to you" he held out the slip of paper, avoiding eye contact with you at all costs. You gently took the paper from him but before you could get another word out he scurried down the hall and disappeared around the corner. You watched him leave, letting out a small chuckle before unlocking your door and walking in, closing the door behind you with your foot and gently setting your school bag down. The day before, after class Mirio had suggested to Amajiki that he should write you a letter if he couldn't just out right tell you. "Like...A love letter?" Tamaki tilted his head. He didn't know how he felt about that, his writing skills weren't bad he just dreaded having to wait for your response, not only that but even considering rejection as a factor made him wanna puke. "Don't worry, i'm like 90% sure that even if they do reject you they'll be nice about it" Mirio gave a thumbs up as he finally convinced Amajiki to start on the letter that could make or break him. It was a huge deal, you were his first ever crush and he never thought in a million years he would be confessing to you. "They're nice about everything" Tamaki mumbled as he continued to write his letter. Miro chuckled and nodded in agreement. "Exactly, you have nothing to worry about." Tamaki wondered why he was so confident about this, maybe Mirio knew you would turn him down? Thinking about that being a possibility created a pit of nervousness in his stomach. Really it was the opposite, Mirio knew you would say yes, he was just excited to finally see his favorite ship finally become a couple. Back to the present you took a seat on your bed before unfolding the note and beginning to read it. Your eyes where wide as saucers when you finished reading it, the final sentence replaying in your mind at least a hundred times "Will you go out with me?"Butterflies invaded your stomach and your cheeks flushed, you decided to give him your answer tomorrow, wanting it to sink in that the boy you've had a crush on since the dawn of time liked you back. Amajiki was dying in his room as he awaited your answer, Mirio who had come over to study with him was laughing his ass off at the boys struggle. The next day you where standing in front of Amajikis dorm room with both Mirio and Nejire at your side, they had their phones out ready to take pictures of this momentous occasion. You took a deep breath before gently knocking on his door three times, it took him a moment or two before he opened the door, he immanently stiffened as he locked eyes with you. Bracing himself for rejection he waited for it but all he heard were the words he had been wanting to hear for the past two years "I like you to Amajiki" Nejire squealed and clapped as Mirio laughed "finally oh my god" Mirio said crossing his arms. Amajiki stood frozen, having to register what just happened, after coming to the conclusion that the love of his life did indeed just agree to date him he felt a sudden rush of adrenaline and pulled you towards him by the wrist, placing his slightly quivering lips against your silky smooth ones. Nejire practically screamed as she took about a thousand pictures, Mirio looked away jokingly acting disgusted but he couldn't hold back his happiness for his friends, they found love and he was beyond proud of Amajiki for going through with his plan. Your eyes where wide and your face was crimson by the time Amajiki pulled away. He started to apologize profusely as he realized what he just did, which resulted in you having to tell him it was fine over and over again. The two where walking together hand in hand as you made your way to class, as shy as he may be he still wanted everyone in the world and their mother know that you belonged to him now and nothing walking this Earth was going to change that.

#tamaki amakiji #mha tamaki #tamaki x y/n #bnha amajiki #bnha x reader #x reader #mha x y/n #x y/n #tamaki x reader #fluff #bnha fluff #fanfiction #ff #tamaki ff #tamaki amajiki x reader

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alyasgf · 3 years

Text

She

mlb masterlist

ao3

Summary- she by dodie alyanette songfic!

alya has a huge crush on marinette, like huge, but she knows it’s unrequited.

Word Count- 1354

Notes- kinda short, but im trying to get alyanette out of my system because i have like twenty other prompts i want to get to :’)

Begin

Am I allowed to look at her like that

Could it be wrong when she's just so nice to look at

When Alya first saw her she couldn’t help but stare. She was beautiful. With her mesmerizing sky blue eyes and dark blue pigtails, Alya couldn’t help but stop in the doorway to admire her. After watching her for a minute she noticed the blonde girl beside her who seemed to be yelling.

It was only then that she took the chance to make her first impression.

“Hey! Who elected you Queen of Seats?”

Okay so maybe not her best line, but it seemed to work. As she pulled the girl away she could feel the nerves seep away. The blue haired girl seemed clumsy, but good natured. She learned the girl’s name, (“Marinette.” She told her as they shared a macaroon,) and even after the absolute insanity of the day, over superheroes and villains, all Alya could think about was her.

And she smells like lemongrass and sleep She tastes like apple juice and peach

You would find her in a polaroid picture And she means everything to me

After months of sharing secrets and sharing time, Alya and Marinette were easily each other's closest confidants. They’d spend almost every spare moment together. Marinette would groan and complain about her boy problems and Alya would scheme with her on new ways to finally catch Adrien’s attention.

Sure, at first it hurt to hear the girl she had a massive crush on talk about the boy she was in love with, but once Alya accepted that her feelings would never be reciprocated, it became easier.

Still, there were moments when Alya swore they could be something more.

It had only happened a few times. Only late into their sleepovers, and always platonic to Marinette. Small kisses that were followed with giggles and jokes.

“Have you ever wondered what it’d be like to kiss a girl? “ Marinette asked one night, after hours of movies and sweets.

Alya choked. “What?” She sputtered. She had to be dreaming, surely Marinette hadn’t just said what she thought she said.

“You heard me.” She replied, laughing. “Not that I’ve spent too long thinking about it, or like specifics or anything, but I don’t know, it's an experience?”

“Sure, I’ve thought about it.” Alya said absentmindedly, brain replaying each and every one of the fantasies in which her best friend featured in. “Just a few times.”

“Well, would you want to? Y’know, with me?”

Again, Alya lost control of her breathing. Her heart began to race and palms began to sweat. Was this really happening?

“Oh c’mon,” Marinette laughed again, now at her friend’s shocked expression. “It doesn’t have to mean anything, it’s just if I were to have my first girl kiss with anyone, I’d want it to be you.”

Alya tried not to focus on how she worded that question. ‘First girl kiss.’ Would there be more? More importantly, would Alya share the experience with her more than once?

She looked at her friend. She was red, and where there was once a playful, curious expression there was an unsure one, red from blushing.

“I’m sorry. I probably made you uncomfortable, didn’t I?” Marinette rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, face getting impossibly more red. “It’s fine, you don’t have to, I-”

“No, I want to!” Alya blurted out, worried she had ruined her one chance. “I mean, I’m not uncomfortable with it if you aren’t.” She added hastily. A million thoughts ran through her head at once. ‘Am I actually going to kiss Marinette? Is this a dream? Dear god tell me I’m not dreaming.’

“Okay!” Marinette said excitedly, as her expression changed to one of excitement. Alya nearly swooned at that. Marinette looked that way at the prospect of kissing her. She could barely breathe.

Alya’s brain short circuited. She wasn’t sure how it happened, one second she was gazing into Marinette’s eyes, the next there was a quick press of peach flavored lips on hers. It was over in an instant.

Marinette laughed while Alya attempted to draw out her usual confident self amidst the red cheeks and lingering taste of fruit.

They always laid close at the end of each sleepover, Alya’s face buried in Marinette’s hair as the smaller girl snored lightly on her chest. She smelled of strawberries and pastries always, but in moments like these it was so strong Alya couldn’t help but be reminded how deeply she had fallen in love.

She was picture perfect in every light. Eyes always so full of hope and a creative glint. Her smile and willingness to help nearly everyone made her personality that much more magnetic. Her hands were always warm, always soft, save for the occasional cut or two from her clumsiness while designing.

Alya couldn’t remember life before her, and couldn’t begin to imagine being without her. She was like a drug, so immersive and addicting that Alya would never be able to stay away for long. She was her best friend, but more than that, she was her soulmate, and if that had to be platonic, so be it. Marinette was just like that, so appealing that people wanted to be around her in any way they possibly could, in any form they possibly could.

I'd never tell

No I'd never say a word

And oh it aches

But it feels oddly good to hurt

Love. Even though she felt it so strongly whenever Marinette was near, she was content in keeping the emotions to herself. Marinette was frustratingly straight, between Luka and Adrien, she didn’t stand a chance. The only thing that would result from a confession would be confusion and unrequited feelings.

So instead Alya stole moments when she could. A few long glances, kisses in the dark, hugs that lasted a second longer than normal, these were what she could get, this was what she lived for. The rush she would get from it, for just a second tricking herself into believing that they were anything more than moments between friends.

But then the second would pass, and all she would be left with was a dull aching in her chest to pull her back into reality. It hurt, hurt more than anything in the world sometimes, but she would never trade the feeling, it reminded her she was alive, reminded her how colorful the world could be by Marinette’s side.

and I'll be okay

Admiring from afar

Cause even when she's next to me

We could not be more far apart

Cause she tastes like birthday cake and storytime and fall

But to her

I taste of nothing at all

Sometimes the feelings would overwhelm her, late at night long after Marinette had wished her goodnight over the phone, with an ‘I love you’ that stripped Alya’s heart down to it’s core knowing it would never be meant in the way she always dreamt it’d be. She’d clutch her pillow, tears streaming down her face.

Deep down she knew it was all a lie. Of course she wasn’t content with keeping her feelings bottled up, but what choice did she have? Marinette would never feel the same way in a million years, no matter how much she loved Alya, it would always be through the lens of friendship and nothing more.

As close as they were, there would always be a disconnect. Miles and miles of unspoken words, longing stares, and kisses that ended far too soon. Marinette would always see these at surface value, with nothing more to be discovered.

For Alya, Marinette was a warm bed after a long day, a warm cup of tea in a furious winter storm, a bright spot in an otherwise dull world. For Marinette, Alya was just a friend. A close, irreplaceable friend who she loved more than anything, but a friend nonetheless.

Alya would drift off to sleep with dreams of firsts with Marinette, while Marinette dreamt of another.

She was meant to be with Adrien, and Alya was meant to watch from afar, forever dreaming of a love from a girl that would never see her in that light.

End Notes- btw marinette totally likes her but repressed sapphic vibes, yknow? sorry they didnt end up together but if you want some resolution i have a fic where they are happy together that you can find here!

#miraculous marinette #miraculous ladybug #miraculous lb #mlb marinette #mlb alya #alya x marinette #marinette x alya #alyanette #alya cesaire #marinette dupain cheng #marinette cheng #mlb netflix #mlb fic #she dodie #she

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theelliottsmiths · 4 years

Note

Could you please liveblog the making of Sonne?

I got a few of the same request yes hello

Fun fact everyone already knows Sonne was my first Rammstein experience (that I remember). The video was played at least once a day on kerrang and my dad would play it to help me sleep when I was a bairn.

Okay was it a fan added thing or was Oli stoned when he had the idea? It seems like a stoned thing to do

Maybe it's because I grew up around mining towns but... Hot.

They all look so cute schneider looks like a Rat

"did touring in the US have any influence on the album?"

"Nope" the most adorable twisty smile I've ever seen

"I hope not"

*very strange noises from Richard that I have never heard before or since* "it wasn't an influence"

Does till drink super strangely out of that cup or am I overanalysing?

This hair is what immediately comes to mind when I think Till Lindemann

Rat. Rodent man.

It's interesting that they're all saying such soft lovely things about making the album as if nothing happened and everything was fine the whole time. I guess it's nice they didn't just sit and complain about each other though. Love and solidarity.

Richard. Looks very nice :) good shoulders. Next person who meets him say good job growing those shoulders. More people should wear tank tops I feel.

God they're all so adorable I have to keep replaying bits.

He does say Glück auf right? Why did they have to completely soot him up is it because the truth looks a little silly?

The grin at Richard will end me one day.

@struwwelzeter I think? Once pointed out that he says irgendwie a lot and ever since I've been unable to not hear it when he says it in the last minute he's said it at least twice. I mean I get it I too have things I say a lot but god it's worse than "you know?"

It's just such a long sound to make as filler? It has three syllables

I love the way he's talking and would like a full documentary of him just discussing things like this just ask a vague question and let him run with it

It's so nice hearing from Oli always I think he does it on purpose. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. A treat

Schneider is a dumbass yes but his intelligence also. He's right, you don't actually have to do what you're supposed to as long as you're doing good work

"we tried to make songs we'd still like in two years" smart move, they're playing several of those songs still not far off two decades later

I can really feel Paul's accent when he talks right after someone else it's so round and I love it but I do worry that if I ever decide to properly learn German I will accidentally develop his accent

Schneider doing the pounding will be the death of me actually that's what'll do it

Why does Richard just kind of lick the spoon I can almost hear the found of his jaw clicking shut

I like Jörn a lot. Im tempted to hit him over the autistic thing but in his defence that was fifteen years ago

It's really cool actually that they use the same few directors for the most part, I love seeing how their ideas and techniques have evolved even though I don't know very much about that kind of stuff. Sonne vs Ausländer.

It doesn't help that they made Paul look MINISCULE next to till in this shot. Why does he seem to like the short jokes? I suppose he gets them a lot he has known flake since he was 18

Till is so ! giggly ! In this video ! He is enjoying this so so much! Like a proper big laugh teeth fully out

The boys slow motion headbanging together gets me in my feelings for some reason it's just very sweet and fun

They too look high

The entire "we wanted to name it Herzeleid" bit almost always has me cry-laughing for some reason it's just so Him and so Funny and Cute and you can see his own amusement building inside of him as he prepares to deliver the line

There is already a Herzeleid album and unfortunately it is also by us

He's a pretty man I love when you can see that glint in his eyes

Did Paul mispronounce synthesiser?

Till eats like he's the youngest of six children have you ever noticed that?

The Cain Instinct rising within Paul and nobody moving to stop him. Flake and Schneider just stare and wait to see what he'll do looking just a little concerned. He looks like he's trying to explain and demonstrate something to Schneider but I don't know what he's saying just before he does it

It's funny that their objectively best song was written for and seemingly rejected by a boxer. It's obvious if you know but if you don't you'd have no idea

That sounds very silly im sorry I still have ok stick in my head

Till is flirting. I think Till is flirting. Too many little genuine smiles.

Have any if you played Skyrim? Schneider is sitting in that chair like a Jarl in a bonnet

I think Paul just picks random numbers any time he needs numbers. What was it, 37 extra new songs after the untitled album was finalised? 27? I don't trust him.

Oli is refusing it seems to take credit and also talking like a sub just saying don't @ me

Ways the dwarves. Were right.

A little bit indignant? Yeah rather shocked

Poor Robert hhh

I'm not saying Paul seems excited about being spanked but what I am saying is

He can't explain it but I think we all can

God till is pretty in this tree bit

"eins, zwei, drei, oh!" Typical Schneider behaviour and I truly do adore.

Putting Paul on Olis side was a choice that was made

I really do appreciate just how much work they put into all the details of this, I don't know what professionals think but I for one think they did an amazing job. No wonder they kept hold of Jörn

The boys doing their cuddles! I wonder why there isn't more fic based on Sonne, I think I've only read one or two? Is it because you guys don't know enough about mining because I don't think anyone would mind

I would do many things for a documentary with Paul as the David Attenborough type figure

There's something so charming about Till arguing about the logic of finding out snow white is dead(?) and whether or not Schneider needs to inform them of that fact

Of course they'd put Schneider first look at his little suspicious face

Okay this but they go into way more detail about their favourite parts.

Flake likes to grumble but he is also the most genuinely content man I have ever layed eyes on. If he's with the band he's happy.

Olis little gesture is the cutest actually?

Okay yeah you can totally tell they made up and it's all water under the bridge they worked it out and are happy

Nevermind, Flake just had to do it. "Perhaps in time we'll learn that not everyone has to concern themselves with everything" honey you can say Richard, Paul and Schneider it's okay

They learned to trust each other, basically. They accept the support and help and recognise the expertise of the others. A lot of bands never find that. A lot of people in general never find that, actually.

I still cannot tell whose laugh is the fucking ridiculous one, it's either Richard or Schneider and I think it's Schneider despite Richard looking like a yawning dog

Oh that's Paul's partner next to him right? With the red hair?

Who is the dude till is cuddling with? He looks familiar is he in the ITDW making of?

I do love to see a gaggle of giggling boys

Okay no it's schneider, the fool. His laugh is completely unrestrained and cascading and barking and odd and its glorious to behold.

I would love to see them watch and reach to their older making ofs because so much of it is mirrored. What Paul says about it needing to be fun, the Keine Lust thing that. Actually that's also about it needing to just be for fun. Hm. Still, do it.

Tills joke about getting to that point in the next twenty years how did he knowwwwwww

Fortunately I can knock on wo—thats not wood

Alleth gut, he says.

#me rambling #rammstein #liveblog #complete liveblog

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imogentemlt · 4 years

Text

the last of us 2, my thoughts:

in what is apparently an extremely unpopular opinion, i quite enjoyed it. it wasn’t perfect and while there were things i’d change i still think it was a great game.

the good:

this is small but i just really, really loved how it mirrored the start of the first with ellie waking up (post prologue) like tlou 1 did with joel, it was a nice touch

the world building. this game is beautiful. the atmosphere of pretty much every level was on point and i really liked the wide range of places we got to go to and see. it all did a great job of making me want to explore.

combat and side dialogue between characters flowed really nice; it could be challenging but also remained fun.

the god damn museum scene will remain in my heart for forever, it was simply perfect.

LEV!! sweet boy, best boy, deserves all the love. he really made the abby arc much more enjoyable for me.

i thought the overall story was just fine, while i have a few hang ups (see below), i was invested, i wanted to see it through and i thought it was a good journey for ellie.

the farmhouse! seeing ellie happy and with a family and living the exact life joel would’ve wanted for her was wonderful. also, two women raising a baby. as someone who will be in a family situation exactly like that in the near future, it meant so so much to see it in a game/on the screen.

the thing i enjoyed the most though was just simply ellie. she’s a wonderful, fantastic character and it was so great to see her showcased after tlou 1.

the “bad” aka things i didn’t like:

mostly my issues are with the narrative and its pacing and the order of events.

i think the story wouldve been much better if they’d interspersed abby and ellie’s time in seattle instead of playing entirely through one then the other. it would’ve been so cool to see how close ellie was sometimes. like the hospital for example; it wouldve been much more fulfilling to have ellie learn noras at the hospital and decide to go there then cut to abby going going to and being at that same hospital looking for medical supplies. then back to ellie arriving and the hope and anxiety that players would feel knowing abby was just there and what if she still was and what could happen. personally, for me as a player, playing ~12-13 hours as ellie and reaching the climax of the three days to then cut back and have to spend another 10 or more as abby was a big bummer and really disrupted the flow of the game. i mostly just powered through it to get back to ellie.

the dual pregnancy plot lines. what was the point? to add emotional weight maybe but mostly it felt like an excuse to sideline dina when she easily couldve been there through it all.

santa barbara could’ve been left out completely and instead have the game end in seattle with a nice epilogue but it wasn’t a terrible choice, just an odd one in my opinion.

and, finally, my biggest issue and the one i really am moderately upset about: the complete and total false advertising, scene alteration and misdirection naughty dog did throughout marketing. it was really annoying to be excited about scenes only to reach them in the game and theyre..... completely different? replacing flashback joel and ellie models with the older and “present” ones in the trailer to give the illusion joel would be involved? fucking dumb. over half of us expected him to die at some point anyways, i would have rather they were upfront about it all from the get go. i really enjoyed the game and naughty dog are good people but they really fuckin dropped the ball on marketing this game.

ultimately, here’s where i’m at:

it wasn’t perfect, but it was damn good and a fun journey

gameplay, combat, worldbuilding all were top tier and wonderful

there were things that could’ve been changed within the narrative to improve the flow of the story

💕💕💕 ellie williams 💕💕💕

im extremely thankful to naughty dog for creating a character like ellie, a character i can relate to so much and seeing myself represented as the main character in a game meant more than i expected it to.

despite my few hang ups, i do really really fuckin love this game and absolutely will be replaying.

#i know no one gives a shit but i wanted to get my thoughts out there #tlou 2 #tlou 2 spoilers

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movedyourchair505 · 6 years

Text

Napule Nights - quattordici

- chapter navigation -

Her legs felt weak still, her hips aching when she got dressed the next day, already dressing to impress because he'd said that he would see her, and she was going to be ready, despite the sore ache between her legs when she walked, the pain in her hips when she moved, the way her eyes almost shut automatically when she thought about how hard he fucked her, it clouded her mind instantly, called for her to take a breath and refocus, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to let this go, wanted him now more than ever, because no one had ever taken care of her that way before.

Before she even got impatient, a security guard she hadn't seen before came to collect her, announcing Turner was asking for her in his office. This had become a recurring theme and while she'd feared the face to face with him most times, she now was impatient to see him, she needed to know if he'd act differently towards her, if something had changed after the previous night but deep down, she could already guess the answer.

She was tense when she entered his office, her short velvet blue dress strategically selected, low cut and with thin straps, criss-crossed and cut at her waist, showing off more skin than necessary. She'd expected, hoped to be alone with him, but when she laid eyes on him, he was talking to Kane who sat opposite him in one of the chairs, leaned back, one leg resting on the other, toying with the rings on his finger, hard to miss in the tight baby blue suit, a black shirt underneath.

The heavy shift of the door and her heels clicking on the ground as she attempted with all her strength to navigate herself inside had both of them looking up at her, looking up and down her body and she was more than satisfied with the way Turner adjusted his sitting position, rested his elbow on his desk and scratched lightly at his throat with his finger, his eyes locked with hers purely to not give her the impression he was embarrassed of her catching him stare.

She swallowed as the scene from just hours ago began to replay in her head, having been bent over the very desk she was now sitting down in front of, she could practically feel his hand closing around her throat again, trying to maintain a blank expression when her sore skin was trapped between the tight fabric of her dress and the hard material of the chair.

“Mornin', bella...” Kane chirped, pushing one of the cups that stood in front of him on the desk over to her.

It took her by surprise, required a moment for her to take her eyes off Turner and comprehend what was happening, the confusion on her face eliciting a cackle from Kane beside her. “Al said you was comin' teh talk 'bout the whole issue wif the other familehs so I brought you coffeeh too. Dun't know 'ow you like yehrs of course, I might 'ave dropped sum Irish cream in there.”

She was amused as much as she was surprised, flattered even that while Turner was so cold and indifferent, there was something so warm and comforting about Miles thinking about her and bringing her coffee and she gave a small smile, some of the tension leaving her body and she leaned back, licking her lips and wrapping her hands around the steaming cup. “Grazie, Miles.”

He beamed back at her and took a sip from his own coffee, then both their eyes wandered back to Turner sat opposite them who was waiting, glaring back impatiently, as if to ask if they were done with their polite little exchange.

“I dunno if yeh kno' but this is a rather serious problem.”

Jade swallowed, straightening her back, once again suppressing a noise of discomfort at the way her hips ached, there was a constant throbbing ache between her legs too that she was trying to ignore but with Turner right there, the rings on his fingers, his hands that had caused such tortuous pleasure for her, it was too much. He looked irresistible, like he was just asking to be challenged again, his hair slicked back with some loose strands astray and falling into his forehead, his hair not quite dry yet after a shower. He was wearing a sheer brown shirt, the top buttons undone and exposing his chain and his toned chest while simultaneously drawing particular attention to his dark eyes and Jade already knew she wouldn't be content with him barely looking at her anymore. If she hadn't been dying for his attention before last night, she most definitely was now.

“You've got teh fill 'er in, Al...” Kane mumbled, raising an eyebrow at his mate.

Jade flinched, caught a glimpse of Turner reacting as well, the twitch of the corner of his mouth cocky, a flicker of mischief in his eyes and it made her heart pound, caught off guard by the shift in his demeanor, even if it was just for a second, it was like a silent bond, a private joke, and she was instantly desperate for more, but he'd already closed off again, licked his lips and lit himself a cigarette, then letting the pack slide over to Kane who did the same, holding it out to Jade once he'd taken a drag.

Alex caught her gaze once again, an unspoken confirmation that it'd be okay for her to take one, he wanted to encourage her to, the sight would be something new, her lips wrapped around the smoke, he hadn't realised until now how badly he wanted to see it, relaxing when she took Miles' offer, balanced the cigarette between her lips while he lit it.

He found himself not minding having her around, quite the opposite, initially only having called her in to see her still affected by the events of last night, but now that she sat with them as if it was no big deal, as if she was comfortable with both their eyes on her, practically undressing her in their minds, he couldn't help but want her more, blinking quickly before his mind could tease him with the image of her sprawled over the desk before him, sucking greedily on his fingers and taking his cock so well, taking everything he was giving her gratefully. The fact that she liked how he'd treated her affected him more than he cared to admit, his fingers twitching to take a hold of her body again, it hadn't escaped him how much she struggled to move.

“Si” she mumbled, snapping him out of it, her confidence reignited by the simple glance he'd given her. “Fill me in, Alexander.”

He swallowed hard at the nerve of her, licking his lips and taking another drag from his cigarette, none of the internal shift visible on the outside, but he knew it threatened to crash through the surface if she kept going. With Miles there though, he knew it wasn't quite as easy to put her in her place. “Basicleh...” he drawled. “The man tha' yeh met last night were not associated wif the famileh yeh were supposed teh 'and the delivereh over teh at all.”

Jade watched him closely, adoring the way he could stay so calm when she knew he was aching to come back at her but she disregarded her excitement quickly, well-aware that it was a big deal that he was telling her anything about this issue at all. He could have fixed the mess she'd made alone, but he was choosing to tell her in a way that wasn't meant to humiliate her, and she wasn't going to take that for granted, especially after fucking up.

“It looks like … weh lost a vereh important … ally” he stated. The realisation clearly bothered him, it was something not to be taken lightly, judging by the seriousness of his face. “At least weh didn't make the delivereh after all...” He sighed, scratching the bridge of his nose before taking another drag of his cigarette, blowing the smoke to the side. “First weh thought tha' they 'ad joost compromised the man tha' yeh was supposed teh meet but Serena found out they're workin' togefer now.”

“It's mainleh because they feel threatened” Kane stated, scratching at the back of his head.

Jade turned her head to look at him, biting her lip. “Because of … because of Mancini?”

Turner nodded. “Weh've got teh let 'im go.”

“W-What?” Jade swallowed hard. She didn't know how much danger that meant for her, but she had been seen, seen with Turner and if people didn't know already that it was because of her that Alfonso had lost his right hand man, they certainly would once he was set free.

“He 'asn't told us anehfin'” he stated, crushing his cigarette in the ashtray in front of him, adjusting his chain. “Weh cannot afford teh start a war. They'd go after yeh eifer weh” he added, his words then trembling for a second. “They'd go after Serena. An eye for an eye.”

Jade nodded, trying to be understanding, trying to stay calm. She knew he was right, that she was in danger either way, but that there was also much more at stake than her safety. She knew ultimately what she'd signed up for, getting in Turner's car, agreeing to work with him. And the fact that she was having a conversation with them without challenging Turner right now, it showed how far she'd come now, that she'd made the right choice, he was slowly getting used to her, maybe even trusted her.

“Yeh'll still be safe, bella” Miles assured her, offering a comforting squeeze at her shoulder when Turner failed to reassure her, failed to bother with the flicker of fear that had hushed across her features.

“Yeh're gunna do sum jobs at me club onleh for a while” Turner stated, his eyes transfixed on Jade. “Weh've threatened Mancini but there's nobodeh more loyal teh Alfonso than 'im. But it's scared them enough to start recruiting me allies.”

The hint of pride, amusement on his face made it obvious that while he was discussing a pressing issue, he still was very much aware that he had the upper hand, like watching lower folk fighting their own battles, getting involved as he pleased to shuffle the cards whenever he got bored of merely observing.

“If you can get 'im teh beh as desperate as 'e once was when 'e tried teh swerve meh, it's gunna beh worf it” Miles said, breaking out into a chuckle. “Yeh kno', it were so funneh because it were tha' time I were literalleh comin' from yehr place after weh...”

One glare from Turner silenced him but it didn't escape Jade, the way their eyes softened instantly once Kane stopped talking, then moving on nonchalantly. “Even if weh can get there” Turner drawled. “It dun't mean weh're gunna let anehbodeh stab meh in the back like tha'. And I will not play reyht inteh 'is 'ands. He dun't ask Jade for Mancini and I 'and 'im over, he dun't send 'is minions teh put me people in danger and gets aweh wif it.”

Jade froze and she pressed her lips together. There was no indication on either of their faces that he had said something out of the ordinary, but she'd heard him, how he'd included her into the collective that were his people. She tried to stay calm, to adjust to the changes and behave accordingly without ruining all her own progress.

“Bof of yeh are gunna work on tha'” He stated. “Mi is gunna go out and in a bit teh talk the as maneh people associated wif Alfonso and the other famileh tha' 'e's messin' wif.”

Jade tensed. “And what about me?” She asked, ready to get behind any job he wanted her to do. She was going to impress him this time.

His gaze was cold, expectant and she focused to take it all in, to not miss a word he said, to not give him a single reason to be disappointed or irritated. “Tonight yeh and Nicholas are gunna meet wif sumbodeh tha' weh usualleh do business wif and yeh'll find out wha' yeh can, he's gunna figure out the financial situation, if Alfonso offered them moneh, wha' the nature of their change of mind is and weh'll 'ave teh kno' 'ow they react teh yeh, if they recognise yeh, 'ow mooch Mancini will share 'ow fast as soon as weh let 'im go.”

She nodded slowly. “And you want me to distract them, right?”

Turner chuckled, pursing his lips. It was the only answer necessary.

“You're learnin'...” Kane grinned to Jade, finishing his coffee and fishing his phone out of his pocket, giving Turner a nod before standing up. “I'll beh off then. Leave yeh...” He looked into both of their eyes, earning a dark glare back from Turner while Jade diverted her eyes, her heart pounding as she realised that he'd known the whole time, that maybe she didn't come across as collected and confident as she'd liked to have illusioned. “Teh yehrselves.”

She would have thought Turner wouldn't tell anybody, but then again, she rather he told Miles than anybody else. Of course that choice wasn't hers to make, Cook had given her a look that let her know she'd been anything but quiet with Turner taking her over his desk, her voice having felt quite hoarse before bed. It worried her to think about who else knew, who else would judge her and maybe not take her seriously.

As soon as Kane was out the door, Turner was on his feet, walking around the desk and she instantly rose to stand as well, hissing at her own sudden movement but she met his gaze before he was in front of her, his eyes intense, dark and insanely hypnotising. A cloud of smoke and cologne lulled her in and she swayed forward slightly before catching herself, the shift of weight on her heels making her hip sting.

She hadn't talked back to him, felt the urge to challenge him again, but she didn't know how far she could push it now, if he was still as desperate for her as she was for him, if he also craved more, and how it would coincide with her jobs, his expectations.

“Dun't even fink of wearin' anehfin' less tight than this tonight” he stated, a simple order, no suggestiveness to his voice, but the way he looked at her had her reeling, the way his jaw tensed, his throat stretched.

“Oh, will you be there to stare?” She asked, raising her eyebrows at him bravely.

He chuckled darkly, giving a slight shake of his head. “Dun't get yehr 'opes up” he drawled. “I might not beh there but I still want yeh teh feel it.”

He'd seen right through her and it damaged her ego more than she liked, the fact that he knew she'd shown off as much of her body as possible, the pain she'd endured just to please and tease him and build up her own confidence that rose under his hungry gaze.

His hand came up slowly and before she knew it, he'd taken hold of the side of her throat, his thumb pressing into the soft skin just below her chin, her pillowy lips pouty and begging for him to sink his teeth into, draw those little cries from her that he craved to hear again.

“Yeh better not mess up tonight...” he drawled, his voice threatening, none of the previous change in behaviour apparent now. “I dun't care tha' yehr ass 'urts and tha' your 'ips might be sore. If yeh need teh dance, yeh will.”

She swallowed hard, the mere thought already reigniting the pain in her joints but she gave a nod. She wouldn't have had it any other way. “Understood.”

His lip twitched, having expected another challenge, but her obedience temporarily eased him, the shift confusing, despite his expression remaining blank and before he could challenge her in return, the door was pushed open, heels clicking and Alex tore his gaze and his hand away from her.

Jade instantly missed his touch, her body was craving more of him, but she stepped back as well when Serena entered the room, her gaze inquisitive, judgmental as she regarded her first, then looked at Alex, giving a wave as if it dismiss her but she refused to move, looking for Alex's reaction instead.

The hint of a smile had now eased his features once he'd composed himself, his eyes meeting Jade's and he gave her a nod as if to legitimize Serena's gesture. “Yeh 'ave yehr orders, Jade” he said, his voice low yet steady. “Dun't disappoint meh again.”

#napule nights #alex turner fanfic #alex turner fanfiction #alex turner fic #arctic monkeys #the last shadow puppets #miles kane #adt #writing #alex turner/ofc #alex/jade #mafia au #mafia!al

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grimrester · 6 years

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on a more serious note, here’s some stuff ive been thinking about since i played:

i definitely didnt see everything there is to see in the game. i pressed a switch in a tree and i dont know what it did, there were a couple chests i couldnt figure out how to get to, and i’m sure there’s other stuff. i also only played once and i cant imagine there’s NO story changes if you choose to fight rather than act (i spared every single enemy)

i read something on reddit that the game checks your undertale save files to see what kind of run you’ve done before and that after you play it changes something about undertale maybe?? if this is true toby fox is an absolute madman and i hate him for doing this, bc id never installed undertale on my current laptop, but i was planning on replaying undertale anyway so

some people are saying deltarune is a prequel/sequel but i think its super obviously an alternate universe? its DEFINITELY not a sequel - undyne doesnt even have an eyepatch and doesnt know alphys at all, sans says he doesnt know anyone cuz he’s new in town even tho half the inhabitants of deltarune’s town wouldve lived in or near snowdin, and the ages of asriel and kris (who has obvious first child parallels) dont make sense with how old asriel/chara in undertale are. it doesnt seem like a prequel either bc toriel and asgore are already broken up and im pretty sure alphys’s opinions on cutie mew mew 2 have reversed, and again, the kris/chara/first child parallels wouldnt really make sense. plus some other stuff that just doesnt line up, like bratty and catty being enemies and the fact that no one references the dreamurr family being royalty.

if im right about the au - honestly i think setting it in an au is the best choice toby couldve made while using the same characters bc it leaves the first game’s story untouched and mostly self contained

im VERY interested to see if your choices stack and make increasingly divergent endings in future chapters. toby knows how to make programs that check file info so i don’t see why not, despite the parts in deltarune about choices not mattering

its also very interesting that before you save your game for the first time, the save file says “kris” but after you save it’s the name you put in as your name at the start. i imagine its a hint that theres gonna be story elements involving you as a player (and part of why i think the “your choices dont matter” stuff is bs)

i wonder if the shadow realm stuff will be isolated to chapter one or if it’ll come back? it’s implied to be a dream/illusion, so... maybe its a world of kris/chara’s own creation? maybe each chapter will have a unique world?

i cant believe toby just basically released a full game for free with the promise of more on the way. im in love with chapter one’s characters and super excited for more

#txt #deltarune spoilers

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rosykims · 6 years

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DRAGON AGE QUESTIONS

tagged by: @nordxz thanks so much !!! *heart emoji*

favourite game of the series?

origins! although inquisition is very close as well. inquisition was my favourite for a very time, but like midway through last year i replayed origins and it just felt.....so good. i really struggled with enjoying dao because of the clunky fighting system but an amazing mutual introduced me to a mod that lets u skip fights basically lol, so i was just able to focus on the story/characters/exploration of the game, which just....made me realize how immensely beautiful the game actually is, and i fell in love all over again aaaaa

how did you discover dragon age?

i was a huge mass effect fan ! mass effect was the game that motivated me to make this blog, actually, and obviously through following people i saw a lot of posts from the da community as well. so i bought origins and inquisition (i had NO idea there was a da2 until half way through awakening lmao) and tried to play origins but HATED it gtrhutgrhugtr and then eventually gave it another try like a month later and completely loved it and now here we are

how many times you’ve played the games?

not as many times as some people on here have - i would say origins maybe four times, da2 maybe twice, inquisition three times. but that also doesnt count all the timesw ive created new games and then abandoned them lol bc theres too many to count

favourite race to play as?

love me some elf booty ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

favourite class?

at first it was rogue dual wielder ! i played as a rogue in every single first-time playthrough and idk i felt that class has always been the easiest/most op. but in the last maybe 2 years it’s changed to mage. ive always been super intimidated by magic classes in every game i play but i LOVE inquisition’s mage classes/specializations and i can never go back now

do you play through the games differently or do you make the same decisions each time?

im so so so bad and i usually end up making very similar choices, but usually bc i just......replay the same characters every time hgtuhgtruhgtrui. i REALLY need to make more da ocs to explore more choices but....i dont want to lol i already have to many. i still havent sided with the templars in a playthrough like i just cant do it

go-to adventuring group?

i always bring my characters love interest with them no matter what, just bc its cute, but usually i try to evenly cycle the other characters around that. i always try to have a warrior/rogue/mage in every party. but sometimes i’ll go warrior/warrior/mage/mage especially if i need to focus on straight damage and a LOT of healing lol

my favourite parties would probably be:

dao - alistair + zevran + wynne (wholesome and also funny)

da2 - anders + fenris + merrill (SO much chaotic energy)

dai - solas + cassandra + cole (i just love them ok)

which of your characters did you put the most thought into?

ashara lavellan, my canon inquisitor who was never supposed to be canon tghtgurhtrg. my original canon inq was a trevelyan rogue, who was super nice and good. i made ashara so that i could actually play as an evil/mean character without feeling bad lol, oh and i also wanted to see what the deal with solas was bc i had heard his romance was good ;;;;) anyway that backfired and i ended up completely falling in love with her, and i STILL couldnt make the tough choices with her so i was like ok maybe she isnt THAT evil and now shes just..... the way she is now i guess lmao

favourite romance?

trhhtruih okay u guys KNOW its solas. u know. i dont even have to say anythiing about it bc...u fucking know

(alistair’s is very close tho)

have you read any of the comics/books?

i havent :(((( im such a bad fan but i cannot deal with ordering online and thats the only place ive been able to find them. im planning on reading asunder and the masked empire as soon as i get the chance (and the money) tho !!

if you read them, which was your favourite book?

nope

favourite DLCs?

trespasser ! its pretty simple and very plot-driven like u didnt have to worry about side missions as much as u would with other dlcs so idk that was... refreshing. but obviously i loved it just bc it was so beautiful and intense and sad (since my chara romanced solas obviously) and that music score????? unbelievable i’ll never be over it

things that annoy you.

can i say the fandom trghuitgrhutrhui

mostly the thing that pisses me off the most is the grey morality. writers trying to make everything deep and Thought Provoking like..... no jerry, slavery IS bad theres no alternative viewpoint lol??????? also the fucking whitewashing makes me see red.

orlais or ferelden?

ferelden!!!!! (*blows a kiss* for highever)

templars or mages?

mages <3

if you have multiple characters, are they in different/parallel universes or in the same one?

i only have like 3 protag da characters and they’re all canon, although emeraude is an au. so ella is my canon warden and ashara is my canon inquisitor, but emeraude does exist in that universe, bc i hc she befriended the warden and alistair when they visited the alienage, and she was very outspokenly angry and didn’t really give a shit that alistair was going to be heir. which alistair really,,, appreciated i guess? so emeraude is made his official elven adviser after his coronation but she also kinda helps out as a royal protector because she’s one of the only people in court they both trust completely lol. also she is....stronk.

and the only other characters i have for da are obviously side characters who are related to my canon protags so. they’re all canon as well lol

what did you name your pets? (mabari, summoned animals, mounts, etc)

ella named her dog ser bark gthutgrhutghruihtr she thought it was cute ok

emeraude just went with barkspawn since alistair came up with the idea as a joke but she thought the joke was so bad she made them keep it as punishment vjhuightui

i dont really have a hawke oc but.....he named his dog shepard in my playthrough ! like from mass effect ;;;;)))

have you installed any mods?

origins is modded to hell and back and i genuinely couldn’t play the game without mods at this point. inquisition is slightly modded but im in the process of removing them all, and only keeping a few because my game runs pretty terribly with them installed

did your warden want to become a grey warden?

ella did ! but it was kind of,, a naive childhood dream, she had a really romanticized view of the wardens and she wanted a life of excitement and bravery and adventure, not really taking into consider all the bad things about it (and obviously not knowing the full truth about what it means to be a warden)

emeraude did NOT want to be a warden. she basically had to be dragged out of the alienage because she wanted to stay and protect her community. she never really enjoyed being a warden, although her friendship with alistair was its one redeeming quality

hawke’s personality?

uh i cant remember the colour/personality thing but he was a combo of funny/ethical. mostly there for memes tho.

did you make matching armor for your companions in inquisition?

for origins i do ! i always make sure alistair and ella wear the grey warden armour, as well as every warden in awakening. thats like, all theyre allowed to wear lmao.

if your character(s) could go back in time to change one thing, what would they change?

ella would obviously change her family’s murder lol, and emeraude would at least try and change what happened at her wedding, to prevent shianni and the others from being hurt.

ashara would change romancing solas :((( she was so angry at herself after discovering who he was, and she felt weak and foolish which she HATES more than any other feeling, so she definitely wishes she had never met him for a long time. after she kind of processes it though, and learns to deal with her anger, her answer would be that she wishes she had saved the chargers. it’s the one move she made that actually keeps her up at night sometimes.

do you have any headcanons about your character(s) that go against canon?

ghuitrhuigtrhugtr so many. canon? dont know her.

the biggest example would be that i hc king!alistair was at the winter palace during the wicked hearts level. because uh..... celene and the fereldan monarchs had been corrosponding for over 10 years, trying to build up rapport, of COURSE the king would be there to see who the potential ruler/s of orlais would be and whether or not he ought to be worried. like. im sorry but alistair was there lol you can’t change my mind. i also hc he helps ashara with information about the grey wardens during this chapter, because ???? it just makes sense??? im so angry i wish this was canon

are any of your characters based on someone?

ok it was unintentional but ashara reminds me of an english teacher i had in highschool who was very scary but also....really cool and i loved her. it was an accident but,, still counts.

who did you leave in the fade?

gtiturghtugh okay at the risk of pissing off EVERYBODY who reads this, i left hawke in the fade, even though it was a toss up between hawke and stroud. it was ashara’s fault tho !!! she would have 100% prioritzed an alliance with the grey wardens over like,, some guy. it broke my heart but yeah That happened.

favourite mount?

i like all the elk mounts mostly ! but i never use them bc they sound ugly af

tagging : @trvelyans @f3nharel @allisondraste @ensevens @tethraas @talizorah @fereldun if u are up to it <3 and whoever else wants to do this !

#/ long post #sorry this is so long i got carried away oops #dai #dao #da2 #personal

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heroesarelife · 7 years

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dO YOU WRITE FOR TAMAKI BECAUSE IF YOU DO CAN I HAVE A LITTLE SCENARIO OF HIM WITH A VERY VERY VERY LOUD CRUSH WHO LOVES TO GIVE HIM COMPLIMENTS AND ONE DAY SHE JUST CONFESSES TO HIM IN FRONT OF EVERYONE BY ACCIDENT and he just runs away bc he has no idea what to do ?? but in the end everythings ok!!! sorry if this is way 2 specific im just excite. sorry if u dont write for tamaki, if u dont u can just delete this lol.

HELL YEAH I WRITE FOR MY BEAUTIFUL SHY BOY TAMAKI, HE MUST BEPROTECTED AND LOVED. I feel so honored to see you here requesting, oh god, i bloody love your content to pieces! Thank you so much!

And omg mate, poor tamaki, this is hilarious lols thanks for thisrequest

Amajiki Tamaki

“TAMAKI-KUN!” The familiar voice reached him, just as he wasleaving the building towards the patio, bento box in hand. Stopping on histracks he looked behind with caution, as your energetic figure approached himat outstanding speed, making him wonder where in all heavens you found suchbright enthusiasm so early in the day. Same place as Mirio, he could bet.

He could never hope to emit that same sort of lively energy,and found it a strike of luck to be surrounded by people who could with suchnaturality. Only god knew what they saw on him, for he was sure around himselfthere was a bubble of the exact opposite mood, which was bound to bring peopledown surely. Fortunately, it didn’t seem to affect his friend’s much. Speciallyyou.

Mirio and Nejire waved at you enthusiastically, encouragingyou to pick your pace, if that was even possible. However, you tripped suddenlyas you were almost reaching the group, having an apparent date set with thehard ground. Witch a startled yelp, Tamaki activated his quirk, his now octopustentacles fingers reaching you just in time to prevent the painful experience, securelywrapping themselves around your waist. Before he could think – a good thing too,as if he had thought it over he would not,definitely not, have done that –he pulled you the rest of the short distance, directly towards him.

“Yay, Tamaki-kun saves the day!” Nejire boasted, clappingexcitedly “How are you, [Name]? Are you hurt? Are the tentacles cold? Is itslimey? How cool is Tamaki?!”

You sat on the ground, smile wide in his redirection as youtouched the tentacles that still involved your body, almost in a caress. “Tamakiis really cool and his quirk is the coolest!” you answered, trying to get upand almost falling again, forcing him to help you back to your balance. Theaction made him realize how close you were. That is, too close for comfort.

He felt his face get extremely hot in record speed andwished there was anywhere to hide. If a hole could open on the ground andswallow him. “No, I-I’m not… It was… nothing much. I m-mean…” he tried, failingto make his voice sound anywhere close to normal and, as a result, his facewent a most extraordinary shade of red. He could feel it did, just by the lookon your face. And why were you smiling?

Where was that hole to swallow him again? Right about nowwould be great.

“No Tamaki-kun, you are! You are a hero, and amazing, and thatis why I love you!” You said, voice filled with light and melody, meaning everyword. Your impulsiveness evidently taking the best of you on your choice ofwords, and you covered your mouth with both hands immediately. Nejire let out achocked gasp as Mirio let out a proud laughter, giving him a most disconcertingthumbs-up behind your back.

No, no. You couldn’t have meant it, right? A joke, it was a—

“I… I mean it. I do… love you.” You repeated for goodmeasure, much louder than he could possibly take. Suddenly, he found himselfsprinting at full speed, towards any place that wasn’t there.

He stopped at some point, panting and unbearably nervous. Hecould feel his whole body shaking and weak, heart beating fast. Much fasterthan any other time he got nervous in his life. It had to be a joke, it had tobe. A hero? And what could you possibly see in someone… like him?

I… I mean it. I do…love you. Your voice replayed on his head, and he felt his cheeks flushviolently, as he repeated over and over the words he wished he had the courageto say. What a hero he was.

“I… love you too.”

Like what you see? Buy us a coffee if you fancy commission

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gb-patch · 3 years

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Ask Answers: May 15th Part 2

And here’s the next part of the long answer set of the day!

When will OL: N&F take place? Beginnings and Always took place during summer breaks, will now and forever take place during a fall break or will the characters be going to school at the time of the events we play through?

It takes place over all of the fall season, so school will be happening in OL2. Some events do take place in school, though many times events only start after school is already out for the day, haha.

Hey!! I have kind of a weird question?? I’m sorry if it’s been answered before and I just haven’t seen it but is OL 2 taking place during the same years as OL 1? I’m just curious, thank you for such amazing games!!!

It’s a similar time frame, but not 100% exactly same.

Do you have any idea when the demo for now and forever will be available?

Hopefully this fall! But that’s not a guarantee.

Okay the crime show in Step 2: Growing up. Long blonde hair, police station, crime series? Was it The Closer? Because I’m the same age as MC and Cove and my mom was constantly watching that when I was 13. 😂

Haha, yeah! The Closer and, to a lesser degree, Medium were the kind of shows I was referencing there. My mom also used to watch those back in the day.

Hey um this might be an odd question but if the setting of OL: N&F is fall/autumn, what country or city will it take because my mind tells me it is either Poland or Canada. Also I can't wait for the game I am hyped

It’s set in the USA again. We’d like to be able to have cameos and that’s easiest to do if the OL games take place in the same country.

Is it possible for the PC of OL to have non-seriously dated other people in the in between years even if they’ve had a consistent crush on Cove?

You can causally date Baxter in Step 3 if you get his DLC and then ultimately choose Cove in Step 4. If you mean off-screen people, it doesn’t really come up, but you can certainly headcanon that. The game never says Cove is the only partner you’ve ever had.

Is there going to be a Kickstarter for Now and Forever as well? For like voiced names and stuff again? Didn’t find B&A until after it was released and I’d really love the opportunity to hear my name in the game 🥺

Yeah, we are gonna have a Kickstarter with getting a voiced name as a reward! Though, it will be more expensive than it was for OL1. I feel bad to raise the price but we realized too late the first time around that it was being super undersold for the amount of work it took, aha.

Do you know how much the remaining DLC for OL will cost? (Step 4, Derek, Baxter)

Step 4: Free

Wedding DLC: $2.99USD

Derek DLC: $4.99USD

Baxter DLC: $4.99USD

Has an artist for the new position been picked yet?! I'm super excited for the new game!

We did fill that spot. Thank you so much for taking the time to apply!

hmmm what would it take to get each of the XOXO jerk squad to feel the need to hug you?

They’d have to first like you a fair amount, otherwise the most you’d get is maybe a pat on the shoulder. If they were attached, they might hug you if you broke down crying or if you gave them super good news.

Unless it’s Shiloh, of course. If you want a hug you only have to ask!

May i ask how the Derek DLC will work? I believe that there aren’t any memories in step 4 and doesnt derek’s dlc take place during that step? So will the dlc add memories? Thank you!

Derek’s DLC will add five Moments to Step 2 (a new page will appear on that screen if you get the DLC). Then in Step 4 you’ll have to choose between playing the default epilogue or going through the Derek romance story.

Is the pc version on itch,io different from the steam version? Like an offline one or something?

Steam has achievements, but that’s about it. Both can be played offline, if you prefer.

I've been wondering this for awhile, what determines if cove winds up with a ponytail in step 3? I've done multiple runs with different MCs with varying hairstyles. Or does it have to do with a particular moment in step 2?

I’m afraid I can’t say exact choices that determine things. But generally it’s preference based options in the Step before that decide those things.

Any Floret Bond updates?

No, the artist had to leave the project and it’s been on-hold. I’m not sure if I want to try working just with what we have or replacing it all entirely. The design is a bit too specific for us to easily find someone who could mimic it. Hopefully we’ll work things out later, though.

In step 3 is Cove's plan always to stay in sunset bird?

Yeah. He is never ready at 18-years-old to make a big life change.

I love your content! If it's alright to ask, you answered in a previous ask about how Jeremy was too particular with what he likes his types to be romanceable with just any MC and it's sort of got me wondering.. What /are/ his types and/or preferences and such? Sorry if it's a lot!

Jeremy likes stubborn jerks and will not date someone who’s sweet or even generally a decent person, haha.

uh, excuse me if you said this somewhere before, but how will step 4 be actually? Will it he like an actual step and have moments and dlc and all? Or will it be more like a long epilogue of some sort?

Will the step 4, the wedding and extra routes dlcs be paid too? Im just confused, sorry if im asking too much

Step 4 is only an epilogue, so it’s just a long series of scenes one after the other rather than a collection of Moments you can choose from.

The Step 4 epilogue is free, the wedding DLC, Derek DLC, and Baxter DLC cost money.

i’m not sure how much of the wedding dlc you have planned already, or if this would be to spoilery, but what kind of wedding traditions will be included? i keep thinking about how flustered cove would get over a garter toss & was wondering if we’d see a scene like that haha. obviously no worries if it’s not included, i’ll enjoy literally anything cove related

I don’t know for sure yet, haha. Right now we’re focused on the parts before the big day. We’ll see how many scene alterations we can include for the wedding itself later on.

Hello! Firstly, thank you for creating such an amazing game like OL, and I couldn’t be more excited for OL2! Out of curiosity, are you looking for any writers to come on for OL2 or are you all pretty much set in that department? Just thought I’d shoot my shot haha but I’m still excited regardless ^^!

We will be hiring writers for OL2 later this year! Thank you for the interest.

Will we be blessed with a spin-off Yandere Cove, like XOXO Blood Droplets?

Sadly, no. It’s a shame but there’s not enough time to keep making OL1 bonus/spin-off content.

How is Q pronounced?

I’m afraid Q’s full name hasn’t been publicly announced yet so I can’t answer here (Q and T are the first letters of the names for the new LIs in Our Life: Now & Forever).

Question; is the steam version getting a Mac update? I purchased the dlc there thinking it had Mac support without realizing it and just wondered if I’d need to refund it to purchase on itch.io 😭

I’m really sorry, you will need to get a refund from Steam. We do hope to have it there for Steam eventually, but have no idea of when it’ll happen. Apple requires special notarization to be an officially accepted app for their devices. We don’t have that. Steam requires having that, Itch will let you release it as an non-notarized third party app. That’s why Itch is the only place that has the Mac version right now.

would you mind posting outfit sheets for Cove in every step? it would make things a lot easier for us artists. it would save a lot of time spent looking for references

I think we did do the earlier steps when they were finished way back in 2019 (this game took a long time to make, aha), but we can probably repost them sometime!

In our life n&f, will we be able to get into qprs/will there be more options in regards to having deep platonic relationships with the love interests? Because as an aroace individual, it would be great if there could also be emphasis on platonic love so that it's more aspec inclusive.

It’s a little hard to say at this point. There may not be things like a wedding DLC for OL2 and so the relationship for platonic and romantic feelings might not go as far as it did in the first game. We’ll kind of have to see how much we can do based on timeframe/budget constraints that will only be set near the end of the year. But we will be keeping things like that in mind at least.

hi! i really really like your game and im absolutely in love with it! i cant wait to try your other games like xoxo droplet and future OL NF :))

during the step 3 erands moment i got curious, which fudge flavor is his favorite? it seems like he likes all of them, but which 4 do you think he would like best?

also i noticed that in some playthroughs cove would let me give him a piggy back ride, and in some he wouldn't, how come?

how does your choices affect cove's interests or looks? i replayed the game without changing any choices but i got cove to look different, is it just random?

thank you!

Cove’s favorite flavors are ones with nuts and that are fruity! But he appreciates them all. Whether or not you can give him a piggyback ride depends on if your MC is fit/large enough to hold a muscular 6-foot-tall beach boy, haha.

Cove’s appearance does depend on choices and it’s generally tied to choices that are preference based rather than emotion/action based, such as which key chain you pick in Step 1.

Is it possible for cove to reject MC's proposal at the end of step 3?

Nope. He’ll always accept.

hi! i was wondering how heavily the side characters will be featured in the our life wedding dlc? obviously it'll be cove & mc focused, but i was thinking it'd be sweet if we could take lizzie dress / suit shopping or dance with cliff at the wedding or something.

The side characters are there about as often as they are in normal events. So, it’s clearly focused on Cove but he’s not the only person you have any meaningful moments with.

When will responses be sent out to applicants?

I’m afraid we don’t send responses out to all applications, only ones we’re interested in offering the position to. Not everyone likes rejection emails and the amount of applications is too high to contact them all to say we’re not hiring them. We post updates on the job page when a position has news. Right now we’ve filled every role that was open.

Is there also going to be the option to keep your relationships with the love interests platonic in Our Life: Now and Forever? That's something I really appreciate in Our Life: Beginnings and Always

Yeah! OL will never force you to end up in a romantic relationship with someone.

I was wondering, in the Step 3 Happiness moment, what are the different fishes Cove can compare MC to? I got "you'd be a paradise fish, because being with you is paradise," but my friend got "you'd be an angelfish." Are there more variations?

He says paradise fish if you’re a couple, angelfish if he’s just crushing, and then a royal dottyback/queenfish/emperor tetra (based on your gender) if he likes the MC platonicly.

Hello! So, in one of the Step 3 DLCs, Cove's arm was gone. I think it was to show him putting his arm behind his back. But if that wasn't the case, did it get yeeted?

Thanks for letting us know. That was an error we tried to fix a little while back. When did you make the save file you were playing? If it was older that might be why it happened. Or maybe the error wasn’t fully fixed after all.

Asking for your opinion, but do you think Cove would at all be into ABBA? Because all I could imagine during the car trip in step 3 was him and the MC belting to Mamma Mia.

Haha, yeah, there’d definitely be some ABBA songs he was into.

So throughout the game, Cove can develop different interests depending on the player’s choices; does this mean that he can have different careers in Step 4? Or his is line of work in adulthood never mentioned at all?

He can have different career paths in Step 4!

Hi!! I'm so so sorry if this has been asked before but I just acquired knowledge about the so famous nsfw dlc for OL and nearly chocked on my bubblegum 💀💀💀 So, my real inquiry is if that specific moment will have any kind of impact at some point of the fourth step OR if it will just be treated as a side-story-ish “what if” scenario.Also, is there any chance there'll be something similar for Step 4? Haha jk,,, unless 😳Questions apart let me thank you profoundly for making the best visual novel I've ever played 😭 Really really looking forward the epilogue and OL2 💕 Have a nice day

It’s just a bonus side story that’s fully separate from the main game.

It would be nice to have one for Step 4 too, but I sadly don’t see us having time to actually do it. I don’t know, if people are still asking for more OL1 content several months from now it might be doable and worth doing.

I'd just like to ask, when is Baxter's birthday :0 -- I'm really curious esp with their zodiac signs so ;w;

I don’t know, haha. Maybe I’ll come up with one someday.

Please help!! I bought the Step 3 DLC but I still have no idea how to get to where you can propose to Cove - any tips?

How do I get the option to propose to Cove at the end of the game?

You can click HERE for a discussion on that.

I love that Miranda and Terry are getting together! I'm curious if you have canon sexualities for them? Also just wanted to say how much I love OL and how much joy it brings me everytime I play it <3

Terry likes ladies and Miranda likes dudes!

ngl Step 4 Terry's design reads like y'all see trans guys as their assigned gender more than you see them as men to me (a trans guy)... like maybe if he isn't heavily dysphoric, I could see it, but everything you've said about him doesn't line up with that. Even then, immediate warning bells go off in my head looking at him. I wouldn't have touched the game if I saw him ahead of time.

I’m sorry you aren’t comfortable with the way the design looks. The situation with Terry is that he’s now open about who he is, but the body he was born with is still physically the same. He only came out recently as an adult and hasn’t gone through any treatments/procedures yet (his chest is flatter because he wears a binder). However, even though his body hasn’t transitioned at the point Step 4 happens, no one treats him as anything other than the guy he is. Having a trans character who’s identity is supported/respected from the start is what we’re going for in this case. But what we’re doing with Terry isn’t the only trans content we’ve ever had/ever will have in the future.

how would baxter react to bae pyoun and vice versa? and can you please detailly explain both love interests personalities from our life 2: now and forever? i was just curious, sorry for dumb question!!

I imagine it’d be pretty opposite experiences, haha. Bae would initially think Baxter is pushy and thoughtless, but would quickly realize, oh, he’s instead a soft, considerate boy. Very cute. Baxter would first be struck with the impression that Bae is charming and gentlemanly, but then would realize that, no, he’s a sarcastic asshole. And I’m afraid we can’t reveal the personalities for the next game yet.

Sorry if you've already answered this, but I have a question about the patreon exclusive moment you're working on. I was wondering if it's mainly going to be CGs or if it's mostly character sprites + backgrounds with some CGs.

Either way, thank you for doing the Lord's work and not only making Cove, but making this bonus moment as well 😌😌😌

It’s mostly sprites/backgrounds with two CGs!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you again for the interesting questions everyone :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

#our life #Our Life Beginnings & Always #Our Life: Now & Forever #xoxo droplets #ask #gb patch #gb patch games

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tumblunni · 7 years

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The big post about how i love my sneasel who is great

Welcome to that post. It might get long.

Reaper the level 100 Naughty nature Sneasel with Keen Eye who experienced pokerus once and has contest ribbons from too many regions oh my gosh Leeeeeeets get going on how much I adore my little guy!

Okay, the story behind him. He is kinda unofficially my starter pokemon?

Cos of course there was no way to keep your mons from RBY and GSC back then, but I’d kinda only had one pokemon anyway. I was a dumb kid who just solo’d both games with my raichu Chuppy. And sadly I ended up losing them even before the whole transfer issue, someone stole my Gold cartridge during school and when I found it half smashed in the playground all the data had been corrupted. It did actually play though, just with some colour issues I think? I never really restarted cos it felt cruel to Chuppy to do it. So I’m happy that the virtual console rerelease let me reincarnate Chuppy and even make them a cool new alola form! (though they had a different gender this time, but meh i get to headcanon my chu is trans like me, haha) So yeah thats the story of my official first pokemon, but Chuppy didnt really have any personality or headcanons back then cos I was so new to the franchise. And Reaper ended up lasting way longer and sharing every single other region with me, so he kinda took the spot of ‘starter’ even if he wasnt ‘first’. (I still was really happy to welcome reincarnation Chuppy home tho!)

Reaper actually came from Pokemon Colosseum, of all places! His OT name is the completely-wrong ‘Tom’ cos he was from when I restarted my game after getting stuck and just buttonmashed one of the default names out of frustration. I actually caught him in a master ball just cos I was that excited to hug the lil guy! Sneasel was my fave gen 2 mon but i never managed to catch one actually in GSC, i didnt know it was limited to a rare encounter in the very last area. And even before I caught him I knew sneasel was in this game via guides, so i was waiting with baited breath and establishing headcanons even before i found him. Then I just COULD NOT WAIT, hence the master ball! XD I kinda preemptivel based him on the iron mask marauder’s sneasel from the celebi movie, cos shadow pokemon are similar to his brainwashing stuff. And I always liked his sneasel, scizor and tyranitar, for such minor roles they are. It was a nice nuance for the bad guy’s pokemon to be shown as VERY MUCH not evil, just enslaved by magic brainwashing and mistreated. It warmed my heart seeing them freeing each other and escaping in the end once the control was broken! But also it established sneasel as a really cool badass fighter that I wanted to have someday, yknow?

So yeah I got this guy from colosseum before I even played RSE, and he ended up being my ‘starter’ in that game so much that i cant even remember which one i picked. I boxed it right away and never thought about it again, I was a callous kid! It was actually really interesting playing ORAS and finally getting to see what the hoenn starters are actually like, lol And Reaper remained my best friend across like ELEVEN OR MORE REPLAYS of every single gen 3 game except emerald. Cos at that time in my childhood i literally did not have any other games. i spent around three or four years with just sapphire, leafgreen and final fantasy tactics advance. (Oh boy that game’s script is stuck in my brain for all time) And getting attatched to the characters and making new ones all the time was how i kept from getting bored this way ^_^ Buuuuut... it kinda meant that I just discarded most of them super fast to make more. the only other pokemon that migrated to sinnoh with Reaper was Nether the sableye, who was kinda his rival/best friend. (Tho I mispelled it as Neava so he’s stuck that way, lol. And both of them are in all caps forever...) Nether is kinda the basis for my recent oc Malachi, so he’s like an entirely different story for another time. But he was my Sapphire buddy and Reaper was one region older via the power of spinoffs.

And oh man yeah i totally loved the shadow pokemon plot lol! I just headcanoned his plot with regards to that was the same as the marauder’s mons. Perfectly nice tiny sneasel boy is kidnapped and experimented upon by evils, but my love saved him and now he is soft once more. He didnt really have much angst from it, but it helped such a wild spirit grow to trust my hero and trust humans in general after such a rocky introduction to them. I imagined it was like training a dangerous dog to be a police canine, with that arm guard thing that they bite! Shadow pokemon training must be WAY more tough than it seems on the surface! So like ash’s charizard plot, where it ends up with really fire forged family love after all the hardship. I think that before he met my trainer he was just like a loner robin hood type character who valued his freedom and thought that tamed pokemon were all wusses. But alas, he was forced to experience human hugs, and now he’s addicted! but he’d still be quite rebellious and wild and have a lot of goofy cute interactions as he tries to learn all this complicated stuff about being a pet. Why cant I pee on the carpet?? Why do I have to eat pellet food? Why are you mad when i bring you dead mice and pidgey eggs?? bad bad influence on the other mons, but also a softhearted big bro who WANTS to be a good influence. He pretends to be all aloof and stoic cliche angsty antihero, but always messes up and looks cute instead! And he gets crushingly sad if any of his lil siblings actually does get afraid of him. Noooo the grumpyness is for the humans! Not for you!! No-one is allowed to pet the sneas except the other pokemon. It my duty to protect my new pack of strangely shaped sneasels! Oh and he likes booze. In human terms he’d be around 25-30, but still its not good for animals to drink human liquor. Never stopped him though! He’d always find ways to sniff it out and swipe half-finished cans from the trash and stuff. Bad angstman! I know thats part of your archetype but stop it!

So... basically he was like.. cloud? original version from ff7 where he was sassy and goofy sometimes, except reaper is like that all the time with less angst and pretty much zero ego. He’s just like a kind yet not completely competant fun uncle who tries his best to put up a cool guy front to impress the kids (and push away scary humans) but his innate sweetness means he always messes up. And he’s super tsundere about the fact he considers his trainer part of his infinate pack of children, even if every other human is DANGER MODE. Must protect this human from the other ones! Must teach them the ways of the sneas! Oh, and I imagined his appearance as a gijinka would be kinda like Squall from ff8. cos he actually started off as a parody of that unlikeable angstman archetype, and i didnt even know Cloud existed until yeaaaars later. (Played the ffs completely out of order...) So i figured he’d be like squall but with dark skin and a kinda sirus black hairstyle. (Cos that guy contributed the kind uncle part of his inspiration!) Oh and of course a sneasely colourscheme for the fur coat. And I ended up making him hold Blackglasses so often that it was an in-joke that he actually wore shades 24/7 even in normal pokemon form XD

When I first got him in Collosseum he was really useful for his Brick Break move, and im actually really happy that the brick break image on bulbapedia is the collosseum sneasel using it! It was very very good as one of the few mons available with that move in the very limited choices you had for that game. But his signature move kinda ended up being Surf, even though his stats would have been awful for it even if I’d ev trained him properly XD I just found it so bizarre that sneasel of all things could learn that HM! I imagined he formed a surfboard out of ice to carry the trainer, cos there’s no way you could stand on the back of a 30cm tall weasel...

And man lets just have some random sneasel headcanons now!

* Their feathers exist to sense wind fluctuations, which are useful in their natural environment to anticipate snowstorms and track prey in low visibility.

* The ear feather is just for this, its the more sensitive one. The tail feathers are more for manipulating objects and other day to day life. They’re more matted and dont really have the same hearing ability, but the joints are way more flexible so they can be moved independantly like three actual tails. Sneasels can pick up small delicate objects by brushing them up between the tails, then rolling them down their back to reach their mouth. they also use the tails to brush away dirt, hide their tracks in the snow, form surprisingly intricate igloo-like nests and groom their fur with the utmost precision.

* Sneasels will outright resent any attempts to groom them by anyone but their closest human friend, since inevitably humans cant do as good of a job. But humans can scratch behind your ears and give cuddles, so it all works out!

* In the wild, sneasels eat primarily eggs, some nuts and berries, scavenged semi-rotten meat and not so much live prey. Even though they’re very skilled, they’re also very fragile and cautious because of it. They’ll only hunt in extreme situations, instead preferring to confuse and mislead their way to dinner. Sneasels are very social and loyal to each other even if they’re not to anyone else. Their most common strategy is the whole pack wards off a dangerous foe while one lone unit sneaks past and robs that pokemon’s food stores, to share with the family. Even if they’re forced to hunt their own prey, they still follow these strategies and try to just outrun the enemy until it dies of exhaustion or freezes in the blizzard. They’re experts of making cuts that disable but don’t kill- going in close enough to deliver that final blow means risking a valuable pack member’s life!

Not really a headcanon now but back to reaper himself, I always kinda imagine him looking more like a real weasel. I like sneasel’s design but the bipedal humanoid proportions arent exactly the best thing, yknow? i feel like it should have had shorter more pawlike back legs and just been top-heavy with the super claws. Like.. I imagine kinda a furret? just the appeal of actual weasels and stoats plz. I love sneasel but when i looked up weasels as a kid i was like MY HEART!!! they’re sock puppet babies with lint fuzz faces Also I think sneasel’s claws are kinda comically short and boring considering theyre like its Big Feature. I liked when they were drawn a bit longer in older artworks, and i always imagined reaper had longer ones like scyther-y level. Thats why I named him that! Crescent moon claws of awesomeness, striking in the night~! ...he would be really cool if he wasnt such a cuddly dork. I love him so much, he’s my baby. And my dad. And my uncle?? he’s just a very good friend and im happy videogames can touch my heart like nothing else let me love my nonexistant magic weasel from cyberspace forevermore~!

#bunni original vintage post

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lefthanded-sans · 8 years

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Why I'll Always Scream About Mordin’s Character Arc

With the approach of Mass Effect: Andromeda, I have recently replayed the Shepard saga, and feel the need anew to scream about how much I enjoy this trilogy. One thing that has always excited me is Mordin Solus’ plot arc, culminating in his ME3 death scenes. I want to thank @peachdoxie for convincing me to garner the courage to analyze this five years after Mass Effect 3’s release. It feels wonderful to dive in with discourse about what I find an incredible, emotional, and well-constructed narrative.

Mordin’s character - and his character arc - are based largely upon his internal conflict between logic and compassion. It’s the difference between what he thinks he believes is right versus what he feels within his conscience. He has a set moral framework and strong sense of logic by which he abides, but that conduct doesn’t erase the uneasy feelings stewing inside. What is so powerful about Mordin’s plot arc is that he does a complete one-eighty, undoing his own greatest scientific achievement, in his process to find inner peace. His prior scientific work creating the modified genophage leaves him haunted with moral questions; his choice to cure the genophage brings him closure for his past. Through this, he finally finds a cause he can dive into where both his rationality and his compassionate conscience work as one.

The conflict between his head and heart is finally resolved, and he can die taking action – for the first time – with full, unfettered conviction.

Mordin’s Introduction and Character Set-Up

Lots of ways to help people. Sometimes heal patients. Sometimes execute dangerous people. Either way helps. – Mordin Solus, ME2

When Mordin is first introduced, he demonstrates an interesting duality: he is both a man of healing and a man of killing. His reputation precedes him, and Shepard hears stories about him before they meet. These stories are full of this paradox. On one side, he’s a doctor who heals people gratis in plague-infested slums and offers refuge to all sapient species. On the other side, Aria comments, “He's as likely to heal you as he is to shoot you,” and several Omega locals remark upon how Mordin calmly guns down both a gang of vorcha and a squad of Blue Suns mercs… and leaves the corpses as a warning in front of his *hospital*.

But Mordin makes clear from the start that he does not believe this paradox is paradoxical. Everything he chooses to do, he does with utmost reason and ethical consideration. He cares deeply about organic rights while simultaneously acknowledging that sometimes, to help others, dangerous people need to be eliminated. He is both a doctor and a military operative; he will do what it takes, whether it’s save innocents or murder wrongdoers. Straying from this course of action Mordin considers “naïve.” He pins the word both on Daniel when the young man says doctors should only help people, and on Shepard if she says curing the genophage will lead to only good things.

There is an initial strong confidence that Mordin holds about himself regarding his genophage work. He insists it was the best solution to everyone – krogan included – and tells Shepard, “No apologies. Did what was right. Hope you do the same when necessary.” Mordin knows he researched all possible outcomes thoroughly with his team about how to handle the krogans, and thus is able to state with unyielding conviction, “Genophage modification protected galaxy.” He even can argue this solution is merciful to krogans, too. The genophage simply establishing their birthrates to pre-industrial levels and allows the species a chance to survive.

This footage of Patrick Weekes talking about Mordin’s character hits at that very point:

So for me Mordin is two different characters. The first character is the one I was given when I came onto Mass Effect 2. And I was told he is the scientist who redid the genophage, and my initial reaction was… unrecordable… but translated roughly as, “That jerk,” because Wrex was my bro. So I had a choice. In manager speak, I had a probletunity, where I can either write Mordin as just a guy who did that and just went, “Yup, sterilized ’im,” and you know, maybe the really Renegade players would like that, but everyone else would go, “I’m never using him, he’s atrocious, he’s a war criminal, how could you do that” …or I could challenge myself more and try to write someone who saw himself as good. Some who saw himself as the guy who made the hard choice, who doesn’t take the easy way out, who doesn’t cartoonishly justify anything he did, but gets up every day, looks in the mirror, and says, “It was the right thing to do, even if I am sorry I had to do it.” So that’s what I tried to bring to him. And then the other part of it is the Gilbert and Sullivan.

It’s astonishing to see a character stand so strongly for his work… when that work is what others might consider to be an illegal bioweapon, a war crime, or even species-wide infanticide that leaves at least millions of newborns dead. And yet Mordin truly does hold that he did the “right thing.”

Sort of.

And that’s where his character conflict arises and his narrative truly begins.

Mordin’s Moral Framework

What does it matter if the ground is stained with the blood of millions? You taught me that the end justified the means. – Maelon Heplorn, ME2

One passive observation I’ve noted in fiction is that writers tend to downplay or criticize consquentialist frameworks. Completely “pure” and “good” contemporary Western culture heroes are usually more deontological in their ethical scope. I feel even Mass Effect relays internal moral vibes suggesting it’s better to avoid consequentialist choices. Thus, one thing I’ve found fascinating and attractive about Mordin is that he is someone who demonstrates a utilitarian framework.

To provide a definition: consequentialism is the ethical philosophy that the end justifies the means. Anything is morally permissible or praiseworthy if you work toward a positive end result. Utilitarianism, now, is a common type of consequentialism. Utilitarianism holds that a person should morally maximize the good while minimizing the bad and painful.

Mordin acts under the idea the end justify the means. Maelon himself says that his mentor espoused this philosophy. These ideologies are manifested throughout the games with Mordin’s words and actions. It goes beyond his choice to create the genophage. Mordin recommends dangerous people be killed if they are going to be a risk to others, be it aggressive batarians in Omega’s Gozu district or Rana Thonoptis on Korlus. He’s even fine killing Maelon. It’s pretty utilitarian: pain is minimized by culling the dangerous people who would harm others. He’s said other things that make me cock me head to one side in consideration, too; if he follows Shepard aboard the Collector vessel, he’ll call the pile of dead bodies “despicable,” but at the same time say, “This was wrong. Inhumane. Even if Collectors needed to kill for experiments, could have ended lives painlessly.” By his phraseology, it’s almost as though he’s not discarding the possibility death might be needed for some experimental cases, but what he finds objectionable is that they caused unnecessary pain while doing so.

That said, Mordin does have some “cut-off points” by which he believes something is wrong on principle. This would potentially make him fall into the category of rules-based utilitarianism, which holds that there are certain moral rules that exist because they overarchingly cause greater utility (less suffering and greater good). Mordin refuses to do experiments on species capable of calculus, for instance, drawing the line on the ground there, and also says he will never kill with medicine. He justifies the genophage in part by claiming it prevents birth rather than kills, so that still falls within his realm of moral reason.

And it is to note Mordin approaches life’s challenges through careful rationality. His choices are not based upon impulse, intuition, or instinct so much as conditioned rules, rationality, and principle. To quote this article, which I think provides an intriguing synopsis of his character:

[…] his upbeat demeanor hides a cold, calculating mind that has spent years dealing with the most difficult decisions in the solar system - decisions that Shepard is drawn into over the course of the second and third games. […] As you bond with him, he opens, and you see him dissect the terrible problems he's faced with an analytical mindset. He has done the moral mathematics - he will kill a million to save ten million - but his genophage is a slow, painful deathblow for the Krogan.

This philosophical framework usually characterizes how Mordin speaks up front to individuals. It is how he gives his official stories, justifications, and reasonings behind his choices.

But here’s the thing: even though he holds fairly strong by this philosophy, he’s not emotionally settled on all his logical points. As Shepard comes to know Mordin more, she can see within him how he is distressed by what he has done. Mordin mostly - but not completely - believes he is doing the right thing. There is a “battle between logic and compassion that lies at the heart of his character.”

Mordin’s Conscience

We all fracture in different ways. Mordin’s conscience haunted him. Maelon crossed the line into barbaric experiments. And myself, I went searching for whatever gods created the rules for this unfortunate universe. – Padok Wiks, ME3

At first, Mordin might seem like someone settled with the choices he made, grounded in what he has done. But the more Shepard comes to know Mordin, the more she sees the holes. Beneath the logic Mordin advocates is an individual unsettled with his scientific accomplishments. And really, once you know that Mordin is actually divided about his genophage research, the more you see his shaken interior emerge.

Mordin’s unsettled conscience comes out from the first conversation he has with Shepard about his modified genophage. He opens the conversation by admitting he deceived Shepard about his work in the STG; he stares out a window, not making eye contact, when he utters these words. That already speaks volumes about how he feels. “Work on genophage was more than just study,” he admits, with a vocal inflection that sounds more doleful and serious than his typical jabbering. This topic is heavy for him. If Shepard responds in a skeptical, Renegade manner, he stammers, uncomfortable, more awkward than typical. He says Shepard needs to know “What I… did,” with an inflection perhaps hinting at the guilt inside him.

The further this conversation progresses, and the more Shepard asks questions about why he didn’t take different actions, the more animated Mordin gets. His voice rises, sounding more anxious, urgent, and harsh; he paces; he waves his arms emphatically; he makes illogical half-truths; he almost sounds defensive at several points. The moments when his voice is most defensive occur whenever he tries justifying the genophage as the right choice. “Modified genophage offered best outcome,” he says, while pacing, waving his hands, and sounding extremely stressed. “Stabilized population. Avoided publicity that could incite krogan anger.” The fact Mordin gets so worked up at this moment foreshadows the agonized heart he later exposes on Tuchanka. He’s giving Shepard the logical answer with his words, but his body language and vocal inflection convey he’s not happy with his logical answer, either. This topic stresses him precisely because it doesn’t hit well on his conscience.

It’s during the loyalty mission on Tuchanka that Mordin’s discomfort really comes to the forefront. Mordin’s initial character introduction is about establishing his confidence in his logical solution for the genophage. Mordin’s character development here digs into the meat of his narrative conflict: he’s still struggling with the aftereffects of his choice. The introduction shows his head; the development shows his heart. Mordin admits it can be hard to sleep at night. He admits everyone on his team changed after they saw the impact of their work (and Padok confirms Mordin changed, too, once he began recon missions on Tuchanka). Mordin outright says the genophage project was ethically uncertain. He says he established a clinic on Omega because it’s not ethically ambiguous, but a solacing and straightforward means of helping people in his retired years. It won’t cause him the stress the genophage project has done. And science, which once held the greatest excitement and certainty for him… now cannot comfort him in his moral dilemma. Mordin dives into religion to seek out a spiritual solution to his nagging conscience.

It’s not a casual dive into religion, either. At least, that is what might be implied by what Shepard learns. The evidence almost seems to align with the idea Mordin’s religious explorations were a big deal at a critical point in his life. A younger Mordin was willing to enter a fistfight with Padok about whether or not evolution was guided by higher powers. It suggests Mordin would have probably rejected religious notions in earlier years. Yet the Shadow Broker’s information on Mordin shows that later in life, he was even interviewed about the combination of science and faith. Mordin demonstrates significant knowledge in multiple religions, mentioning salarian theology, batarian beliefs, krogan gods, Hinduism, and more Christian references than basically all the human characters in Mass Effect make. He needed to do a massive amount of soul-searching because of his work with the STG.

Even in the Tuchanka hospital, Mordin still holds by his beliefs about modifying the genophage and reinfecting the krogan. He still says it was the right choice. He speaks about it less happily, but he still holds onto that argument. Yet now Shepard can see - very clearly - how much this choice burdens him. Even the Shadow Broker notices that Mordin working with Shepard on the Collectors is an attempt to rectify himself about his past actions. The loyalty mission makes Mordin’s conscience obvious.

Regardless of how Mordin decides to handle Maelon and the research data, this adventure on Tuchanka highlights Mordin’s interior doubt. Maelon says Mordin taught him the end justifies the means - but these krogan in Maelon’s hospital deserved better and Mordin recognizes this. This adventure brings his mind to the forefront of his personal and ongoing ethical struggles. He can choose to delete the data to try to gain closure, or take it with him; kill Maelon for his unethical choices, or send him off to Omega for his own soul-searching and healing; but regardless, Mordin does not gain closure on Tuchanka. It picks at the wound that Mordin knows is not healed.

The logic and the compassion are still at odds with one another. In the heart of Mordin’s character development, they are at odds almost more than ever before.

It’s in Mass Effect 3 that Mordin finds a way to do something about it.

From Creating to Curing the New Genophage

I made a mistake! I made a mistake. Focused on big picture. Big picture made of little pictures. Too many variables. Can’t hide behind statistics. Can’t ignore new data. My responsibility. – Mordin Solus, ME3

Initially, it might seem as though Mordin chooses to cure the genophage because political circumstances between species change. That is his official story to Shepard, too. If she asks him why he’s so comfortable curing the genophage now, he tells her, “Never change mind. Genophage proper decision at time. New circumstances necessitate course correction.”

However, just like Mordin gives his good logic to Shepard in ME2 but internally carries an emotional perspective, so also does there seem to be more going on with Mordin’s motivations and the genophage here. Like so much of Mordin’s narrative, it’s open to implication and interpretation, but I feel as though so much points to Mordin feeling more than “new circumstances necessitat[ing] course correction”.

First, Shepard asks Mordin if there is more behind his reason to cure the genophage beyond the Reaper invasion and political changes. She suggests there could be additional personal reasons for his investment. He admits there are few salarian scientists interested in the genophage and none with the experience needed for a matter of this magnitude. And then he says, “But not about them. My work. My job to put it right, to prove I can.” He does have personal stakes.

The second point to note is what Urdnot Bakara says about Mordin. Bakara notices an underlying, unspoken motivation for Mordin tackling the genophage cure. “I sense pain in him [...]. He told me about his work on the genophage. I should consider him an enemy. Yet I think seeing my sisters and I changed something in him.”

Mordin has already been questioning his past. As Padok says, Mordin’s work on the genophage haunted him. Visiting Maelon’s hospital on Tuchanka was influential for Mordin questioning his actions more. Meeting Bakara and the other weakened female krogan from Maelon’s research is the final experience, the catalyst, for him switching to curing the genophage.

Third, Mordin lets it loose his personal for curing the Genophage in the Renegade route. Shepard presses Mordin for why he chooses to cure the genophage after defending it every conversation before now. He wheels around, uncustomarily shouts, and declares with a rare full sentence, “I made a mistake!”

Mordin chooses to leak the intel about Bakara’s fertility to none other than the Urdnot clan. He is the person who mentions the possibility of a genophage cure to the krogan, even before negotiations officially start between the turians, krogans, and salarians in ME3. He is the person who plants the idea that the genophage can be cured now to the krogan. Mordin chooses to leave the STG and help develop a cure for Bakara on the Normandy. Mordin chooses to die saving the krogan because he made a mistake.

He can’t fight back all the logic anymore. His conscience that plagued him for years was right: he made a mistake.

That’s his real, uncovered motivation.

Mordin might say he never holds regrets over past choices, but here, in the heat of the moment, he lets loose that his choice was the wrong one. Perhaps he did not have the proper data at the time, but now he shouts he made the wrong choice to recreate the genophage. Suddenly, his calmer conversation to Shepard aboard the Normandy, where he says it is, “my job to put it right,” gets understood in a fuller context. His conscience is why he’s so dogged to cure the krogan.

And then his internal battle between his head and heart ends on the Shroud. After developing Mordin and letting us know why he’s conflicted, we get the solution to his internal struggles.

THIS is why I love Mordin’s death scenes. THIS is why I adore them. It’s a beautiful character arc start to end. His character introduction lets us know he created the new genophage. His plot conflict lets us know he’s struggling about his past choices. This struggle is seeded in his divided rationality and compassion. We watch this personal struggle gets developed, exacerbated in his ME2 loyalty mission. It prompts a change in ME3 that is geared more toward his conscience. And there on Tuchanka, right before he dies... he finds resolution to what he has been fighting since before Shepard even met him.

He gets resolution to both the external genophage conflict and his internal war between conscience and logic.

Here, for the first time, Mordin doesn’t act with his logic overriding his conscience. He doesn’t act with his sentiments clouding his reasoning.

Mordin, when he dies, solves his personal problem with the genophage.

Mordin, when he dies, fundamentally impacts the future of the galaxy.

And Mordin, when he dies, finally acts with his logic and conscience working as one.

Renegade Route Death

No time to argue. Cure dispersal imminent. Must counteract sabotage. Stop me if you must. – Mordin Solus, ME3

I’m a huuuuuge sucker for betrayals and characters dying short of their culminating self-aggrandizement. The fact that you - Commander Shepard - can choose to betray and murder your own friend for his own convictions is astonishing. Despite the fact you brought him on board the Normandy to create the cure, you can turn around and gun him down for that very work. It’s so impacting we the player can choose to assassinate our dear ally. I find this the most brutal and least chill death in the Mass Effect trilogy I’ve experienced. So yeah, I like the Paragon death better (for reasons I’ll discuss in the next section), but I still find many wonderful and juicy things about the Renegade Route death. This is a great ending to Mordin’s plot arc, too, and wraps up so much about what I adore about his personal narrative.

The first thing I love I already mentioned. The Renegade route has an incredible final conversation between Mordin and Shepard. Only in this route does Mordin shout out unfettered the motivation behind his genophage cure. He doesn’t make this confession in the Paragon route... only here.

That one sentence shout “I made a mistake!” is perfect. To point out:

It’s shocking because Mordin admits he made a mistake! He has been harping throughout his relationship with Shepard that he does not have regrets and he takes charge of situations because “someone else might have gotten it wrong.” However, now Mordin turns back on everything he stood for with the genophage modification project. He even says he cannot hide behind statistics, something Shepard accuses him of doing in ME2. Here Mordin is siding resolutely, firmly with the cure and claiming he got his first choice wrong. It’s a mistake.

How the line is delivered creates additional shock and impact. It’s not his typical telegraphic sentence, deleting subject position nouns or pronouns. He say the full thing, starting with “I”. It’s not “Made a mistake.” It’s “I made a mistake.” And he says that twice.

This shout is a short resolution for what Mordin will now unwaveringly do. He is willing to die for the krogan to be cured. We now know what his heart feels.

Immediately after his outburst, Mordin explains. New data has shown a cure is a better future than the krogan retaining the genophage. Between his initial raw shout and the subsequent logical countering, Mordin demonstrates his logic and conscience are working together. He feels he has to cure the genophage because he has to fix his errors. He has to clean up his mess, which gave him so much emotional haunting in the past. That’s the compassion speaking. And he sees from the current data around him that this is the best solution for the galaxy. That’s the logic and moral philosophical framework speaking.

This is why Mordin is willing to die. He didn’t have to die to save the krogan, especially in the Renegade version of the Shroud scene. Shepard makes it clear: “Walk away or I will fire.” Commander Shepard will only shoot Mordin if he tries to counteract the sabotage and implement the cure. She’ll spare him if he steps aside. A Mordin who is working on just logic might not be resolute enough to stand his ground. A Mordin who is working on just compassion would definitely not be resolute enough to stand his ground - he’s overriden his compassion in the past for logic. But Mordin will not back down when both his head and his heart tell him the genophage cure is the correct choice to pursue.

The second thing I find fascinating is that technically Mordin is dying from the consequences of his own moral framework. There’s good reason I yabbered up top about his philosophical disposition, folks. The truth of the matter is that Commander Shepard kills Mordin because of a consequentialist framework, too. The end justifies the means. Assassinating one friend to save a galaxy is what it takes, and that’s what she does. Mordin even seems to realize this; he deduces why Shepard is threatening him, and while he insists this is his choice to make, he doesn’t seem too surprised or upset at her ethical reasoning. It’s because it mirrors what he has done so often in the past.

It’s to note Mordin never wavers from utilitarianism, either. Again, his logic and his conscience are working as one. For Mordin, it does bring the greatest utility to save the krogan. That is the best choice. He’s willing to face the consequence of dying to see that end result through. It just so happens that Shepard disagrees, and is also willing to do what it takes to get her desired end result.

And so he dies.

The third thing I adore about the Renegade death is that Mordin dies for his convictions... but he doesn’t succeed. He is cut short. He never gets his resolution. He dies, struggling, choking on his own blood, croaking out the words, “Not yet.” With his final painful breaths, he tries to save the krogan anyway.

Mordin’s character arc is complete... sort of. It’s a powerful result. A powerful moment. He spends years haunted by his inner demons about the genophage. When he finally finds how he can ease his sense of guilt while still maintaining his logic... he dies. Shepard sees to it that he never finishes his quest for internal peace.

I love how the Renegade route doesn’t let you forget the consequences of your choice. The writing demonstrates some deontological bias (they don’t rub your mistakes in your face in the Paragon route), but it’s a great sentiment. Players feel guilt even when making a consequentialist choice... sort of like what Mordin had to live with. You did what was necessary to save the galaxy. But Shepard throws her pistol aside in disgust and marches away. And while everyone else is crying Mordin as a “hero,” you are sitting there... unable to divulge to anyone else... your dirty little secret.

Paragon Route Death

That was the courage of the highest order, sacrificing himself so our children may live. A thousand years from now we’ll probably be singing songs about him. – Urdnot Bakara and Wrex, ME3

Now here’s why I celebrate the Paragon Route more than Mordin’s Renegade death (or the third option where he survives the Shroud encounter). It can be boiled down to three big reasons:

1. The narrative of Mordin’s conflict gets wrapped up beautifully. The dialogue is written for extraordinary impact to get us that sense of painful yet resonant completion. 2. Mordin dies both bravely and not bravely. His choice is brave but his body language is not. It makes it more poignant to watch him knowingly go to his death. 3. Mass Effect is a story about heroism and legendary heroes, and through this route, Mordin becomes that unforgettable hero.

There are other reasons I’m attracted to it like the music and me preferring the Paragon route as a whole, but I’ll stick with these big three points. These are of course just my opinion, but here’s why I why I feel it.

1. Wrapping up Mordin’s narrative with beautiful writing and dialogue

Mordin surviving, ironically enough, is the least resolving for me. Sure, Shepard can talk to Mordin in London and assure him he did the right thing on Tuchanka, and Mordin can go help with the Crucible... but his story doesn’t feel resolved. The Renegade death has a resolute ending... he got resolve but he failed. The Paragon death has a resolute ending... he got resolve and succeeded. But if Mordin is convinced to follow Linron’s plan and go into hiding, we don’t get closure.

What is so nice about Mordin’s character arc (compared to many other ME characters) is that his arc is integrally wrapped up with Shepard’s main story. Jacob’s or Samara’s stories in ME3 are peripheral to Shepard’s central conflict. But Mordin gets caught right in the vortex of one of the most crucial alliances in history. To lack closure in his character arc also means a lack of closure for what happens in Shepard’s experiences. If Mordin decides he’ll keep himself alive and maybe cure the genophage later, we don’t get a consummation of logic and compassion; we don’t get resolution of his internal character struggles. We don’t complete the plot arc that has been building for two games. And if Mordin decides that he might cure the genophage “later,” then we don’t get any real resolution about the fate of the krogans, either. Act One in ME3 never “ends.” It’s left up in the air, we move onto a different conflict, and we can only speculate about what the hell happens later. Nothing gets resolved.

The Paragon death, as I see it, is the ultimate resolution to Mordin’s narrative journey. It takes everything we love about him - from his odd little inconsequential quirks to the center of his character conflict - and gives us a final wrap-up. He turns about one-eighty, finds his internal peace, and becomes a hero that saves an entire civilization.

Like the Renegade death, Mordin enters this with his head and heart working as one. Here, Mordin isn’t even pressured by someone threating him. Here, he offers his own life up: it’s both the most ethical thing to do by his moral framework, and it’s the one that gives his conscience peace. And after seeing Mordin so long tormented by the genophage... we finally see this character... achieve resolution.

He implements the cure. He stops the sabotage. And when he hears the speakers announce the cure will disperse over Tuchanka... he smiles. Even though he knows he will die in the next few seconds, this is the first and last time we will ever see Mordin at peace.

Next, the writers work up the moment to Mordin’s demise in a powerful way. I’m accustomed to seeing characters die after they give their catch phrase or one final powerful quote. What makes Mordin’s death so emotional is that we don’t get one phrase by which we can remember him. The writers give us three blows with three final quotes to evoke our emotions. Boom. One fond and important memory of him. Boom. The next. Boom. And he is gone.

The first “boom” is mentioning seashells. It hurts not just because it’s a funny moment you share with him. It hurts because he’s talking about what he wanted to do after the war ended. He and Shepard both know he’ll never get to study those seashells; he’s going to die in action. This turns a humorous conversation into a painful reminder he’s walking into his own death.

The next “boom” is giving Shepard his catch phrase. She offers condolences when she sees he’s about to go on the suicide mission, but he responds he’s not sorry. “Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.” These are his final words to her for which she will remember him. These are his intended “last words.” Note that writing writing works well in threes, and this is the third time the “had to be me” quote appears, too!

The last “boom” is when he literally dies in an explosion. The first song Mordin sings to Shepard becomes the last song we hear. And he doesn’t even finish the line. We’re deprived of the song’s conclusion. “I am the very model of a --” Gone.

That song, “I am the very model of a scientist salarian,” is the tune he sings about himself and his life’s work. It’s his favorite song to sing. It’s a cheerful summary and celebration of what he can accomplish. And here, even as he dies, even as he can’t finish his lyrics, he does the greatest and most powerful thing he has ever done. He shows exactly what a scientist salarian can do.

Just talk about the perfect way to kill a character: he dies singing.

2. Mordin didn’t die “bravely”

I’ve seen other people talk about this, too. I’m just going to link you to a wonderful analysis on Reddit and quote what I’ve seen. It speaks for itself. I don’t need to add anything to it.

It wasn't that it was a brave sacrifice. It was by definition, of course, but it was far more than that. To me, I thought Mordin's sacrifice was powerful because it wasn't brave. I'll explain:

From the moment we meet Mordin on Omega, he's described in terms of being willing to help people, but being murderously savage when he needs to be. He openly speaks about killing surrendering foes, and is generally violent in nature along with his helpful spirit. However, as you go through ME2, you realize he's more than just violent/helpful. He's a complicated person who has done a lot in his short life. He's responsible for the modified Genophage, and he's served in STG. He's obviously brilliant. He loves art, as evidenced by his singing. But when he breaks down on your mission to Tuchanka over the deaths of test subjects, you get the feeling that though he knows what he did was necessary, it eats him up inside.

When you go through ME3, he's dedicated his life to making things right. He's your mole in STG to get Eve out, and he works tirelessly to find a cure for a disease he helped create. Once on Tuchanka, he decides to give his life for the cure to occur. Here I see what's most sad about Mordin. He's not just a tough, violent scientist who is ultimately out for the greater good. As he's going up the elevator, he's visibly nervous. He takes deep breaths. Once he's uploading the cure, he's singing and his voice is wavering. Up until the moment he dies, he's exceedingly vulnerable, his voice nearly breaking. He's scared of dying, but he knows it's for the good of the krogan, and the galaxy. Few characters, with the exception of Garrus, were as stripped down in terms of their psyche as Mordin was. You met both of them and their rough exterior, but by the end of ME3 you saw the cracks and learned who they really were, what they really felt. It's pretty amazing that a video game is able to give this sort of intimacy.

EDIT: And as I'm reading this again, it strikes me: He's also afraid that his work, the genophage, might never be cured. In ME3, his slogan takes on new meaning. "Someone else might have gotten it wrong." Someone else might have tried to cure the genophage, and been unable, or wouldn't have done it fast enough. He's worried, terrified that his legacy wouldn't be working for the greater good, but working for injustice. He realizes by the end of ME2 that his work, while necessary at the time, was wrong, and he devotes his life to fixing it. "Someone else might have gotten it wrong" is his entire purpose, his fears, and his desires all rolled into one.

Characters don’t tend to die like that in stories. In the Renegade death, you get a more “typical” end - a character dying boldly for what he believes in. “Stop me if you must.” We’re used to heroic sacrifices, bravely standing there at the end of it all, in stories. We’re also used to characters screaming and dying in cowardice. But we’re not used to seeing a character heroically choosing to die while at the same time being so terrified.

That just adds an extra layer of emotions as we watch him flinch with each explosion... watch when that next explosion takes him out.

3. Mass Effect is a story about heroes

This is the main reason why I believe I prefer the Paragon route over the Renegade. As juicy as Shepard’s betrayal is, it lacks the emotional resonance of Mordin choosing to die in the tower. Sure, I love reading about players’ guilt and whether or not they can even stomach shooting Mordin... but it can’t beat the emotional resonance of a hero being made.

What made the first two Mass Effect games so exciting and resonant upon completion is that they are the stories of a hero winning against overwhelming odds. Commander Shepard manages to save Council space by defeating Saren and Sovereign in ME - something highly unlikely, but satisfyingly completed. Shepard again beats overwhelming odds in ME2 by outlasting the Suicide Mission and coming out with her team in heroic glory. It’s because Shepard manages to make it through overwhelming odds that we’re left cheering, we’re left excited, we’re left emotionally resonant. I adored the feel of besting the universe. It’s so enjoyably badass!

Mass Effect 3 is different. Don’t get me wrong - I love the game and will defend it start to end. I will defend the end of ME3 far more than almost anyone else I know. I love the whole trilogy. But upon first playthrough, ME3 can feel off. Everything feels more subdued, more weighted. There’s an overhanging sense that the ending won’t be perfect - and indeed, the ending is not optimal. Huge sacrifices are made by the end of the game, and Shepard’s final choice regarding the Reapers results in bittersweet results. It’s not the bang-and-win feel we’ve been accustomed to in the other games. It’s painfully real. The consequences bear down on us, and we don’t feel like we come out of the story heroically. Shepard doesn’t storm through the finish line... she crawls.

So even though Commander Shepard emerges a “hero” in the main storyline, you don’t feel it. You feel “wrong” because she doesn’t overwhelmingly bash down the baddies like in the first two games. Don’t get me wrong - I love bittersweet stories, too, and that’s what I usually write - but it will always feel a little “off” to me that I don’t unwaveringly save the day in ME3. And yeah, my first time I even chose the one and only ending where Shepard lives, and it still felt uncomfortable.

Because that sense of grandiose heroism gets lost in the final cutscenes, I have had to look elsewhere to get my emotional “satisfaction” and fill of heroes in ME3. The quarian and geth conflict has great moments, but because it’s such a group effort, it’s harder for me to feel as though someone like Tali explodes as a hero (she does amazing things and grows, yes, but it’s not that bang-punch-hero feel). If Mordin leaves the Shroud alive or dies without implementing the cure, we get yet another solemn bittersweet ending like Shepard’s "solution” with the Reapers.

But if Mordin dies out in a bang, I get my quota of grandiose heroism. I get that glorious vibe which made me fall in love with ME and continue to love it in ME2.

He’s staggeringly altered the course of the universe. A thousand years of krogan infertility are reversed by the same species that first maimed them. Mordin undoubtedly becomes one of the most influential individuals in the galaxy. This quirky, emotionally struggling doctor you meet on Omega turns from a debatable war criminal to an instant hero.

Krogans celebrate him. He has become the savior for an entire species. Mordin becomes a legend immediately. Krogan will sing ballads about his deeds for millennia to come. The firstborn prince of the leading krogan clan is named after him: Urdnot Mordin. That extraordinary growth of a character, ending when he a legend... it’s powerful. It’s more powerful than a betrayal. It’s more powerful than saying, “Maybe I’ll cure them later.” Here and now, we see the jaw-dropping effects of his conscience and his logic working as one.

So that is why I still scream about Mordin’s plot arc even now.

It’s incredible.

It’s exactly what I want to see in storytelling - from its solid structure, to its depth, to its deep questions, to its impacting emotionality.

The character is set up with an interesting internal conflict that has galaxy-wide implications. After watching him struggle between two sides of his psyche, he finds a way to resolve them both and do a one-eighty, undoing his own greatest accomplishment. He takes on a sense of astounding heroism in his final act and dies with “the courage of the highest order”.

Commander Shepard will always be my hero. But with how they wrote Mordin’s story, I can’t help but gape at him in awe as a hero, too.

#long post #non-UT #Mass Effect #Mordin Solus #Mass Effect 3 #ME3 #ME 3 #ME #my analysis #there Peach there you go that's the analysis it's almost 6700 words you're welcome #wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee #don't get me started on the music in that scene #or other aspects I love about Mordin #I WILL WRITE APPRECIATION POSTS #FOR ANY AND *ALL* OF THE ME DORKS <3 <3 <3 #down to Anoleis haha #seriously though if ANYONE WANTS TO TALK MASS EFFECT I *SO WILL* OKAY

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