#im so bored i could cry i need to do something but omg im useless

[pseudophan]

perhaps i just need to stop trying to make edits with like, a vision and a concept, and instead simply choose some random ass song and puts some random ass clips over it and go from there

[spxllcxstxr]

🚢 — hi love, i was wondering if i could get ship for hp in the marauders era? i’m terribly sorry if these are closed, feel free to ignore this!!

———

my pronouns are she/her or she/they... i’m still debating which set i like better haha and i would like a male ship pretty please <3

i am a ravenclaw, with some slytherin & hufflepuff traits here and there :) and i am an ambivert!

i am, much to my dismay, only 5’ 1.5” (to all my tall peeps out there... saying that i’m jealous of you would be an understatement.) i am quite curvy (and omg kinda insecure abt that ✌️) i have long, silky, and straight black hair that reaches the base of my back, and i love eyeliner so so much like i’m not even joking (on good days at least)

people often tell me that at first glance i seem bubbly, happy, and kinda quiet or shy hehe, and my friends have said that once you get to know me i am genuine, creative, funny, empathetic, a good listener, charming, painfully stubborn, righteous, and little loud, and very very dramatic jhjfk

i am pretty shy in new environments but with my friends i am loud asf, like seriously i need to shut up 😐 i am very very loyal and i value any bit of trust someone has in me.

my love language is definitely physical touch. i am one of those affectionate yet somehow touch-starved people haha! i find that sometimes words (or saying them atleast) can be a little bit hard and awkward for me, so i like to project my feelings and love for people through physical contact and all the affection they could ever dream of <3 and omg that thing where someone leans into your touch? marvelous. absolutley marvelous.

i like it when people play with my hair or touch me in some way, although if they’re a stranger then i will pull out my ninja moves and roundhouse kick them if they touch me 🤺 i also really like to play with other peoples hair!! (my love for long-ish hair is showing hnng-)

i could ramble about the sky, the stars, and just astronomy in general for days and never get tired of it, bc wow have you ever seen the night sky? i get so excited when i recognize a star or a constellation or a planet and agh i just love astronomy!! star gazing is one of my most favorite things to do <3 (and i have a these necklaces that i love so so much okay, one has the constellation of my zodiac, and the other has my fave constellation!!!)

i am a very very sassy, sarcastic, and witty person! i live for playful banter and teasing, i guess you could say that’s my way of flirting after me and the person i’m interested in have a friendship aha! i have comebacks for days and will not hesitate to roast someone into oblivion (although if it’s that harsh then i’ll immediately apologize bc i pinky promise i'm not mean okay)

i love to draw! i have a sketchbook and it’s strictly for my eyes only, UNLESS i deem someone special enough to view my sacred scribbles <33 i love to sketch people and things, and this might sound creepy but i have this urge to draw the people i’m close to sometimes (i did this a few times and omg i felt so embarrassed so i hid the drawings rip)

singing and music is also a big interest of mine! i’m not the best with instruments (i took viola for a while and i can still play but im no prodigy) but i am pretty good with my voice. people have told me that i have an ~aesthetic~ singing voice and that i have good vocal range hehe! sometimes i randomly break out into song around people i’m close to and they always either laugh or scoff and call me a ‘drama queen’ (i live for theatrics if you can’t tell, anyone who can match my dramatic flare is just yes <33)

oh and i am always down to do dangerous, stupid, and fun shit with my friends AHA 😙‼️i like to focus on the positive side of things, but i do have my icky days where i feel super insecure, sad, and useless ahaha 🥲✌️ my friends always make me feel better tho <3

———

whoops omg this was so long, i am SO SORRY

(pls accept my apology bc i feel kinda bad now 🥲)

congratulations on 500!! you deserve each and every follower you have and i am just so so happy for you!

mwah mwah tysm and make sure you’re drinking water and taking care of yourself, love!! 💞💞

Ahhh thank you so so much!! ❤️❤️ don’t worry, these aren’t closed until the 26th I just haven’t been linking to it because I’m lazy 😳 anywayyyyy ship under the cut! ❤️

I ship you with: James Potter!

The ravenclaw tower is cool and all, but you totally going to be hanging out in the Gryffindor common room a lot

James will sneak into your common room though

I promise

You’re short. Just thought I should say that lmao

James thinks it’s so cute though

I’m going to say that James is going to give you piggyback rides throughout the castle

Like even to class

Loves that he has to reach things for you

“C’mon short stuff!”

“Don’t call me short stuff, James!”

“Then stop being short!”

James absolutely loves your body

Like is in love with it

And he will shower you in love all the time

And of you ever get insecure he is right by your side

No matter what

He loves you so much

HE LOVES YOUR HAIR

James will want to brush it and braid it and do weird shit with it

Please put eyeliner on James

He’d look so hot

Janes is a bubbly guy

So I just feel like your personalities match so well

Like you guys are the couple that is always laughing at something

Or making faces at each other from across the room

James doesn’t want you to shut up ever

Because he never shuts up

He loves your voice

Even if you’re just reading some boring book out loud

Falls in love with you every day

JAMES LOVES TOUCH

I swear he will always be touching you

Hand holding

Leaning on you

Anything

Always always touching

Does that thing where he kisses the back of your hand

Like I mentioned before

James loves hearing you talk

So please ramble about space

All the time

Takes you to stargaze

All the time

(You’re going to do his astronomy homework too)

Playful banter is a must

James is cocky and playful and just

Overall sarcastic and sassy

So you guys are going to have loads of fun

Loses his shit when you roast someone

Claps for no reason

“That’s my girl!”

YOU DRAW??? That’s so cool

James always wan s to see what you’re drawing

But respects your boundaries and your privacy

Will hang your drawings up in his room if you give anything to him

Loves them so much

Singing!!!!!

You guys will sing a lot

He will request the Beatles a lot

But like you can just burst out into song randomly and he goes wild

He’s your number one fan don’t worry

You are definitely part of the Marauders

So

Dangerous and crazy shit is a must

James will always be a shoulder for you to cry on

and like

He just loves you so much

Nd always wants to be around you

He hates seeing you insecure or doubt yourself

“You’re my girl. And I love my girl.”

I hope you like your ship! And drink some water!! ❤️

[psychostrilondes]

HI IM GONNA WRITE MORE davekat because im disgustin

i made this little babie post that said like, dave hides in cramped little spaces like closets and laundry rooms sometimes and needs to be coaxed out, and ye!! its mostly when hes close to his version of panic over a delusion, oh no, oh no im not safe, where is, i cant find it, i need, i cant, everyones looking to kill me, im horrible, ive failed and im still failing, things like that? all hidden behind his flat mouth expression and No Words, and when it gets really bad the expression doesnt change at all but maybe he starts crying with how pent-up afraid he is and has to dip three fingers behind his shades to wipe the tears onto the sleeve of his god pjs , and, something has to Happen, and if theres no way to fight whats happening, and no one is around right now like its the middle of the night, the only option is to hide??

so imagine at like 4 am on the meteor or even in his lil house on earth c or just wherever, dave stalking down the hallways with his 1/2swordkind in his hands, clutched so freakin tight, and hes Cool and doesnt have much adrenaline even though hes scared bc he knows he needs to stay calm to fight if something jumps out at him, and there are so many perceived threats even though hes maybe actually totally safe, and hes on guard while he walks to ,,,, somewhere? anywhere thats more unfamiliar and cramped than his room, because whatevers stalking him would obviously know to check his bedroom for the man himself, so maybe he goes to the little walk-in food pantry they’ve got and shuffles aside some big bags of whatever of makeshift storage to hide behind them, or like, hides way back behind the laundry machines and, wherever, he curls up really tight with his knees to his chest and his specibus tucked away and ready to be drawn in a split second should he need it, and he’s so used to hunkering down in weird spots from his childhood, ugh, its just too natural and too bringing-back-memories, ugh, dangit

so he just kind of sits back there, totally hidden, and lets his adrenaline build up and he starts trembling and just kinds of , waits, for the feeling to pass, might , take a while , ah

and karkat and him have had this routine that he’s foregone today in favor of heavy dissociation, karkat hangs out in the main room with a book he’s reading and waits for dave to wake up even though dave wakes up like two or three hours after he does, its cool, he can use the reading time? its no big deal? its a big book anyways, but then, it’s four hours that hes been hanging out in the common room, and then five, and um, hes getting bored of reading, like u cant just read forever hehe

after five and a half hours he decides to go over to daves block and just wake him the heck up, itd be kinda cute to see him all sleepy and he totally has this image of messy-haired shadeless dave in his head, and hes kind of in a good mood, and he knocks, and theres obviously no answer so he punches in dave’s doors password like its nothing, nbd, and daves literally just

not in there

wtf ,,,, there goes his good mood hehe dave just Doesnt skip their whole eating breakfast together in the morning thing, either theyre about to argue or somethings kinda wrong?? is dave hurt or something?? did he get kidnapped by somebody on his way to the bathroom?? he laughs a little, and over the next hour he asks around for dave and gets a thorough “nuh uh” answer from just about everybody, and then, um, where the heck is dave. where’d he go.

after asking literally everybody he asks rose and kanaya last and kanaya sort of looks really worried?? oh no,, rose explains to him with equal worrie that maybe dave isnt feeling well, and we’ll keep an eye out, but she’s being freaking cryptic in the way karkat hates about her and he just leaves without unendingly pressing her about it bc he knows its useless by now lol

so for the next hour and a half hes just. looking where dave usually likes to go

dave isnt at any of his favorite spots, and if its earth c he even asks daves favorite cafe’s baristas if theyve seen him yet, and they say no, and its literally the afternoon?? um?? ugh

he’s gone freaking everywhere and karkat just ends up back at home or back where he started and he just ,,,,,, doesnt know what to do

its been hours and hours, its almost been like, all day, and karkat misses him, damniiiiiit, hes so sad :( in his Misery he wanders down the hall to make something to eat since he literally hasnt eaten , he ................... sees daves red outfit in the dark from where hes hiding under the shelving.........

wow , he just has this little second, like “um,” and he has this second to look and see his knees to his chest and his hands still clutching his hair, sort of frozen like that, and karkat crouches and says “dave..?” and dave startles and his hands re-clutch into white hair and oh no, oh god its happening, its happening im gonna die, oh no, this is just and im gonna be gone oh no fuck fuck and he cant stop some more tears from just Pouring omfg and he kicks out his cover, a big tub of whatever miscellaneous, and his 1/2swordkind is back in his hands and shielding his body from karkat, and karkat says “hey, whoa” and holds up his empty hands, “its just me dave, karkat, its karkat” and dave doesnt move, and his mouth is in a grimace, he totally just, caught that hes holding up his sword at his boyfriend?? karkat?? karkat’s here, this is karkat he’s looking at, and karkat just watches him, and settles a little when dave does, and his sword lowers a little as he falters, um, and he realizes he made a mistake, wtf omg

hahaha umm, but hes still so sure karkat is here to kill him maybe?? that might actually happen ,,, so dave does lower his sword and set it aside VERY slowly and cautiously without turning his eyes away from karkat, but he doesnt move from where he is , um,

and karkat settles out of his crouch and sits down on the floor there, and like, “have u been hiding here the whole time?” and dave stares at him like hes surprised karkats here?!?!?!?!? when did karkat get here wtf

an hes dissociating out of his darn mind, like it feels like hes been hiding behind this big box for years,,,,, and most of him feels like hes vulnerable with the box pushed out and away and he has to cover himself back up in case Someone Else comes in, and part of him is so happy his boyfriends here, karkat can make it safe, when he was upset earlier karkat was asleep and he couldn’t verbalize his emotions to wake him up or anything, omg, and dave just stares at him a whole bunch without even blinking, just taking in that his boyfriends here >w< dangit that would personally make me so happy too arg 

karkat asks if he ate anything today, and asks when dave started hiding in here, and dave cant even process what hes saying to him but its okay!! karkat says, if you come out we can grab some food, i bet youre hungry right? and dave totally realizes that the cramps in his middle are actually from not having eaten and not from internal stomach insects and it must be really late in the day? and dave nods a little, and thats really good, really good that hes responding, honestly its been more than 12 hours and his back hurts really bad and his butts Beyond Numb and he could really use a blanket and a bowl of cereal .......

so karkat inches into dave’s hiding spot with him, sort of over the course of their conversation, and then by the time dave’s nodding or shaking his head to his questions karkat is back there in the dark with him, and he comments on how cramped it is back here what the heck?? how are u not atrophied?? and literally within One Minute dave is hugging him, he even initiates it because dave is a total cuddle monster, and they just sort of hug for a little while , and 

theyre so cute :(

karkat instructs dave to shuffle out of there with him, and he helps dave up and supports his weight for a minute because his joints Freaking Hurt, and he holds him up until dave stops trembling and then they hold hands together really tightly and go and make something easy to eat like cereal or hot pockets or what ever

and then they eat the hot pockets

and its good

and dave still isnt talking but thats cool, hes still a little fragile, but its ok, dave is nodding and tapping his fingertips silently on his thigh and maybe he’s not feeling it yet but hes warming up, karkat can make up for the other half of silence , its really nice to get food in him, and within the next hour he says “what the hell, karkat” and then “you’d think they’d know how to make those” and its clear dave is gettin back in the swing of things :p 

and that is the story of dave spending 16 hours hiding in a food pantry ... thnk u im garbage

[thegeminisage]

zelda blogging which is so deeply super spoilery, possible the most spoilery it’s ever been, so if you haven’t THOROUGHLY explored the central-north part of the map DON’T read it

aww some of these gerudo wear glasses! love it

i like the music here too but i kinda wish it had been the same melody from oot ; ;

omg riju is tiny!!! is she still young?!

aww her relationship with buliara is sweet they obviously care about each other a lot

AAAAAH THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT MY SWORD lmao maybe i should have gone to get it after all

oh my god a sand seal that gives you words of wisdom for food

ooh i get a free accessory for giving this lady some flint...hmMmMMmMMmmm

topaz i guess bc i'll probs need lightning protection soon? but no, i'm getting a helm...

haha sapphire to go with link's eyes?

ruby bc the flame armor is the ugliest and i wanna wear something else? LOL

went with sapphire iin the end MAY I NOT REGRET IT...

ooooh i shoulda been saving my gems....Dang

i mean, at least i have the 10k i need for the great fairy, but there's so much cool stuff here and i can't bUY ANY...

ah no i did get some opal and amber earrings :3

swim speed up and the ithers are just extra defense

"apparently the accessory maker and the teacher of the relationship class were both in a tragic love triangle, and now they are both single" nintendo this is an all women society please give me lesbians i BEG of you

ok, i need 1 ruby and 5 topaz to finish buying one of everything here. i'll remember

hahahahaha "you've gotta take your time when selecting gems and voe" wise words, lady

omg i found a bar but im too young to drink. nice, nintendo

lmao you can tell one of the ladies you're over 100 and she doesn't believe you dxkfjhg

ok so the hideout of the yiga clan is apparently to the northwest of here so i get to RIDE A SAND SEAL or surf behind one i guess. tbh im a little worried i'll break all my shields :/

i got a gerudo one that i really like!! goes with my scimitar and golden bow!

aww can i not wear accessories along with normal armor...? that sucks

LOL SEAL PUNS the options when talking to the sand seal lady are full of em im dying

wow i can't get this shrine unless i wind sand seal races which i can't do with the divine beast out LOL

jesus those sandstorms look so huge and terrifying...especially since i know they'll disable my map

i wanna explore but tbh i better just stick to the plot and away from those bad boys

oh JESUS i went to an outpost where they're monitoring the beast and it's. so big. and so loud and big and. so scary. oh my god, it's huge

oh FUCK i got too close and it started targeting me so i ran away and thankfully it stopped...definitely gonna take it easy on the exploration if i can help it

oooh no no no why is the air turning green out here...dnw dnw leave me and my map alone!!

uh, and where is my fucking seal...? i left it right HERE

ugh i had trouble mounting the one from before when i stayed in the monitoring outpost do they like leave if you stay gone a long time...? fml

awww this old gerudo never found the lovers pond ):

ugh i see so much stuff i wanna check out but im too scared to get off the seal for long :/ ESPECIALLY if i get stuck in a storm i'll want a way out

oh wow the air is so hot here even my gerudo outfit is useless

tbh, maybe that's a good thing, if i'm eating food i can wear armor with actual defense...much as i love these clothes they're great for getting your ass kicked

ok no seriously WHY does everyone from the yiga clan drop bananas..............

i know that everyone talks about how cool it is that this game just plops you down in the world and lets you figure it out for yourself without hitting you over the head with the instructions

but i just found a bow and some torches in a circle of lit torches with some obviously flammable banners nearby, so

i found the missing gerudo soldier!

"all i've ever seen them do is patrol and eat[in red text] bananas" LMAO WHATS THE DEAL MY DUDES

theres some bananas here on a table wtf do i do throw them at them?? lmao

OMFG LOL IT WORKED

dude pranced right over to it and pocketed it lmao

nooo i missed a chest...maybe i can get it on the way back out ;_;

LOL I FOUND AN ENTIRE ROOM FULL OF BANANAS

this is so funny dkjfgh fck

urgh i wish i could just...snipe them from here. it'd be so EASY

im actually not even totally sure which direction to go, im all turned around

ok, one stationary guy at the door maybe i have to move him?

NOOO I FUCKING FELL THEY SAW ME

i couldn't even fight they one-shotted me and mipha's grace didn't kick in! that isn't fair at all

at least i can get the chest i missed

lol and i cant save in here. perfect.

ok yeah im gonna have to look it up bc as far as i can tell this room has no exit all the hallways just circle back around into it

apparently i CAN fight them...? they're just really hard?

this walkthru is so unclear lol there's a hidden door i can find with magnesis on the right-hand wall WHICH RIGHT...

WAIT fuck i finally see the exit

ah ok. wrong room for the hidden door.

master kohga!! he just...knocked himself out with his own attack. lmao ok

fuck this is SO FUNNY he is so funny

i love it even his bones cracked

isn't what he used to be, apparently

wow this is a boring fight he has a lot of hp and he's so far away the only way i can attack is arrows

and now arrows aren't working anymore...? obviously i'm doing something wrong

maybe i can reflect the rocks back at him

ok google says to drop his things on his head

HAHAHA HIS SPECIAL ATTACK FAILED

this undertale naruto motherfucker im crying i love him

"pretty soon you'll be gone! and not just from my line of sight!" i'm CRYING

fuck the ball rolled on top of him and made him fall

"COWARD! I SHALL BE REMEMBERED!!!"

what a fucking legend i'll never forget you master kohga i promise

aaaand thunder helm retrieved

but i gotta rescue that missing gerudo!

ah good her cell is empty!

lol im skipping sooo many shrines rn...i'll come back to them later i swear

oh NOOOO i got a memory!!!

urbosa the prankster!!! witht he power of lightning at her disposal!! protective of princess zelda!! i'm dying!!!

also im sad so zelda's sealing power mjst be what she used to seal ganon away but apparently in the past she couldn't make it show up for her whole life...?

aw no poor riju the helmet is too big on her

(give it to meeeee)

ok it's time for the divine beast bit but before i do jack or shit im going to upgrade my armor as much as possible rn

ugh you can't enhance the gerudo clothes...geez

FUCK YES HERE WE GO!

aaah riju is talking!!! i always get so surprised!!!

i did it!! tbh i had a really hard time keeping up with her...a dash was too fast but regular speed was too slow

AAH URBOSA IS TALKING TO ME ;_;

ohhh wow it's really walking around while on it

oh man. it's so big. it's so big

oooh you rotate the insides of this one!!

i get the feeling now i should've done more shrines in this area afterall, they have the same sort of electricity theme and they would've been good practice 

okay that was...easily the hardest beast so far

i had to use a guide TWICE and i could barely understand the instructions, PLUS i got two terminals by sheer dumb luck

oooh boy okay a lightning boss im assuming here we gooooo

LMFAO i suck so much at this urbosa was like "there is valor in dodging"

thanks zelda i missed your captain obvious statements

geeeeez i just barely got it

oh EW that never gets any less gross

ohhh my god

"I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD OF HER" B Y E

oh my gOD?

she mentioned nabooru from oot BY NAME holy SHIT this continutity between games!!!

and "calamity ganon once took on the form of a gerudo that makes this all the more personal" jesus fUCKING christ

i feel so bad for ganondorf the man like

he didn't ask for this shit anymore than link or zelda

and at least they get to win most of the time he always loses and even when he does win he's hated, his win brings ruin

where's the fic where the only way to end the cycle is to become friends with him huh

or like, frankly: the true enemy isn't ganondorf but the evil that takes hold of him

when does he get to be the hero and fight it and smash it to little bitty bits!

oh lord and the blood moon as soon as i get back

do people like, see these towers popping up and beasts moving around? does it scare the shit out of them or make them hopeful?

anyway i hope now i can explore with less sandstorms

oh boy time to ride into a sandstorm gee i sure hope i dont get lost

LOL and first thing i run right into a camp of enemies just bc i was trying to stay in a straight line!!!! jesus

lovely! i am now hopelessly turned around in a sandstorm. i literally don't even know which way i came from

my sand seal is also STUCK lol

ah i passed through it! i'm right where i need to go!

omg I FOUND THE LAST GREAT FAIRY

i'm. i'm 500 short. oh my god

nothing i can't earn with 10 minutes of cooking, tho

huh...? she only asked for 1k...?

i could've SWORN i read someone asks for 10k at one point!

god what if i've been MISINFORMED all this TIME

ooh this one is orange and green

FUCK "i know what you're thinking...can't we just skip to the part where she enhances my clothes?" FUCKING PLAYED

holy FUCK just found my first molduga...i have to KILL one of these for a quest? jesus christ!

ohhh that actually wasn't too bad at all once i figured out the strategy...i've had more trouble with lynels and hinoxes

i'll be honest, the interactive map take a bit of both fun and "work" out of exploring...i look at empty areas and don't wonder "ooh whats over there" but think "ah i can just glance at that bit"

which should make me feel like my Pure Enjoyment of the game is being compromised, and i guess it does a little, but

i wasn't kidding when i said the need to explore was a bit compulsive so it's mostly a relief

ah from up here i see the sandstorm...i think it rotates around the desert? so, it's very possible to avoid and survive even if you do get stuck

anyway i missed several shrines but the quests for them are so complex and i am so Sick

of the desert. even worse than rain tbh

now the question is what to do next: master sword or rito beast

lowkey wanna wait until i get all four beasts before the sword, but

i know you do all four beasts and then ganon and that's it, so if i got the sword then it wouldn't help me for long

plus i'm a little tired of fighting the temperature and changing gear/eating food all the time, so......i guess i'll go check out the forest

maybe i'll see dinaal! i've only seen him once from veeeery very far away

im getting aaaaawfully close to hyrule castle i Dont Like This

lmao every time i catch sight of the divine beasts in the distance, the fact that i can SEE them from THIS far away, blows my fucking mine

they are SO BIG

im getting a much closer look at that flying thing and i'm almost CERTAIN it's a divine beast

just. jesus christ. so BIG

ohhh my gosh i can see the giant pink tree from here *_*

or maybe it's brown, maybe the deku tree is dead lmao

lol straight up skipped the bottomless bog and the enemies at the bottom bc i glided in from death mountain

whoa this tower has rock all over the top??

ah maybe it's so i can't glide to the big tree in the middle lol

not the lost woods if i don't get lost!

lol jk i got on top of it and there was a super cool sword here

aww rauru hillside...im sad

BRO im in the lost woods but its just playing the maze shrine music, i was so hopeful for saria's song

zora's domain having the same music set me up with false expectations t b h

omg if i go too high i die!! i can't follow my higher-ground instict here!!!!!

which is pretty cool but if all i have to do is wander around these woods with my map ON to find the master sword i am gonna be disappointed

even gerudo desert turned it off sometimes

ohhh okay if i wander off the path i also die i can't just go wherever i gotta follow torches i guess

mkay i googled it bc i got stuck and couldn't see anymore torches and it's wind direction! neat

see i feel a little bad about not figuring that out for myself but like...it's not Fun to die over and over bc you can't solve a puzzle. so #realgamers can shut the hell up lol games are for fun

the ember thing is SUPER clever tho and like i know this game is so like, praised bc it stops holding your hand, but i would have appreciated a TINY obscure hint

i did get as far as carrying a torch but i thought maybe i was burning off the fog or smth

omg i found korok forest!!!

oh

there's my sword

said "oh" out loud

kinda wish the quest had been more, idk

but.

mmm not yet. not yet. i'll talk to some koroks first

haha and the very first one tells me to go get the sword all right all right

man. i always remember now that fi's been in there since the ages of skyward sword, sleeping

tbh i kinda miss her 

even though she's way more annoying than navi could ever DREAM of being

for all we complain about compaions, they're a zelda staple and it feels lonely without them

i know not having one makes for a stronger game, i do, but...

really though. the master sword quest was SHOCKINGLY easy. i know i looked up the ember thing but geez it's the first truly disappointing this about this game

and my brother told me they made you work for it lmao but that was. not even close to Work. i've had more trouble at bokoblin camps

like. fucking weak. tbh. i'm so sad like i can't believe this game let me down

OH MY GOD

I TRIED TO TOUCH IT AND THE MEMORIES OVERWHELMED ME

and like at first i was like "ok if link gets his memories back with the sword i'll give them that, that's pretty sick"

AND THEN THE GREAT DEKU TREE STARTED SPEAKING

AND IT WASN'T LOST WOODS MUSIC BUT IT WAS FOREST HAVEN MUSIC

and i straight up burst into tears

"i have watched over hyrule since time immemorial" i know i know i was there i know i missed him so much one of the very first major zelda characters i ever knew i know technically he hasn't been there since the very beginning but he was my beginning

and i didn't even think i cared about him that much emotionally but i also welled up the first time he spoke old hylian in wind waker

oh god link's not WORTHY of the sword yet yes okay i'm here for this i knew this game wouldn't let me down

idk why i never considered the big pink tree might be the deku tree like i joked about it just a few minutes ago but i didn't seriously consider it so i was so surprised

and all the koroks running around and i know i KNOW they used to be kokiri it's almost like i came home, Really Home, the forest was where link began for me, not hyrule proper, he was always a child of these woods

ohhh my god i gotta mop up my face stream is soon!! jesus fuck

oh god now he wants me to pull it again

what if i'm not worthy? what if i am?

i don't have long left to play but i CANNOT leave it here, jesus christ

okay. i'm gonna try. i gotta try. courage!

oh my god it takes your LIFE?

and he said enough when i was down to my last quarter of a heart!! i'm gonna cry i was so close link tried so hard but he wasn't ready yet

i could eat food to max out my hearts but where's the fun in that........

ok. ok. i need to. step back a moment. fuck.

there's hestu! oh my god buddy you finally made it home!! me too pal me too

im gonna save and quit here before i talk to him tho bc like. i gotta stream. but Wow. god Damn

I KNEW THIS GAME WOULDN'T LET ME DOWN!!!!

LMAO I LIED JK im playing a bit more after stream

i talked to the trial korok and "do all the shrines here, it's based on the trials the legendary hero himself did" im crying!!! thats some History!!!

oh my god the koroks are so CUTE??

oh no this is so precious they've been waiting for him

sdfgsfdg "nooo vegetarians everywhere nooo that's my face" i wish i had thought to taka e a snap of that but i cant get him to say it again

aw omg they set up little stores and they only have one of many items please please i'm so proud of them

they set up a little bed for me!! they don't even want my money to sleep there!! i'm sleeping in a tree again, just like i was in oot ;____;

tbh it's so fitting that i did the scary mysterious thing of trying to pull the sword at night and i'm meeting the koroks in the brightness of day

i saw a shield resting on this rock and i had a tiny heart attack like OMG THE HYLIAN SHIELD?!?

ok. ok. i did the trials. i'm gonna see if i can get the sword now??

lol i have the same amt of hearts im not leaving to find a goddess statue and i was trying to boost my stamina anyway but maybe the food boost will help? unless they dont let me use it, we'll see

aaah no it DOESN'T omg

well, maybe one more heart container will do it...?

ugh i don't wanna go back and do the desert ones

me: already fast-traveling

Great, A Sand Storm, Just What I Wanted

fuck i stopped by town and there's a secret club that sells gerudo clothes for men

LOL why.........do they think dudes will feel weird looking pretty? come on

they said there's a high demand so i choose to believe there are lots of gerudo transmen. anyway back to the forest i got two more heart containers i pray it's enough i was SO CLOSE before

I DID IT FUCK I ALMOST DIED BUT I DID IT

IM GONNA CRY JESUS CHRIST

ZELDA SEALED THE SWORD

she's been fighting 100 years and she has so much faith in link

more importantly she heard the sword speak to her im crying fi is in there fi and zelda/hylia meet again

her smile is like the sun, i would do much to feel its warmth upon me again ME TOO PAL im weeping my poor brave daughter i promise i'll save her i promise i promise

it's almost 7am but that was worth it. that was W O R T H I T

[strawberry-siren]

every FREAKING day i make a day about how i’m freaking out, but i’m going to live or whatever. like i chose not to kill myself. but there really is no point. like there’s not. even if i go to a mental hospital, they really suck and they abuse patients, act like patients are infantile, like they’re not human. I don’t even have insurance, so the sheer price of that would mess up any chance i would ever have of making money or even just like…living–even if i wanted to. i dont even think treatment would be helpful. i dont think drugs would really help either.

i’ve tried weed before, and that’s the drug that everyone is always like “omg man weed totally takes away my anxiety.” no. weed literally did nothing to my sad and anxious thoughts. all it did was make me act completely spacey and waste time. i’ve heard from my friends that anti-depressants just make them feel empty. like just honestly whats the point of living and feeling empty? i did that for like a year to cope. i would just repress any emotion. i guess i lived another year. but it’s also like whats even the point. you’re not happy. you’re not anything. what’s the point of living like a zombie? like talk therapy wouldnt help because i’m not going to change….. i’ve had so many different therapists and it just really doesn’t do much… 

i should just go to church and follow their stupid rules because my family does and at least they would stop being mad at me and they could feel like they’re saving me even if church has no purpose. church honestly just makes me feel a million times worse and it is boring and kind of a waste of time for me. but, then they could be those people who talk about their reformed lesbian sister and how she found god and got her life together and is happy ! :-) i love sex and my sexuality, but it’s true that i’ve never even been in a real relationship. it’s not like relationships can save you… 

here’s another thing: ultimately everything is a two way road. people are not obligated to put up with me. i am draining. i am exhausting. i am boring. therefore i attempt to impose myself on people the least amount i can. but also i have poor impulse control, so i attempt to make friends despite this innate desire to minimize myself. it sucks though because relationships will never be permanent. there will never be a relationship that spans your lifetime. friends will leave. it’s just a fact of life. 

society itself doesn’t lend itself well to me. i grew up in an abrasive (and abusive) environment. i didn’t learn how to keep things to myself–or rather i recognized that you are supposed to keep all to yourself, and i fail at it. i burden people with my feelings far too often. like in some classes i might seem like the student who doesnt care, or in others, i am the student that makes too many comments or tries to talk about things they dont really grasp. I’m really just trying my best. but i know im stupid. im saying too many things. im saying wrong things. since i’m failing two of my classes, i just stopped going to them. so i go to art history, i feel stupid, i go home and cry. then on tuesdays and thursdays i go to theater and i try my best, but i feel untalented. i go home and i cry. 

because i’m just full of self-pity. no one wants a victim. i act haughty, i am narcissistic. but i am full of the exact opposite as well. i am one who is constantly at war with myself. i realize this is not a rare phenomenon though. 

like how can you want to live in a society where you’re wrong. In conservative circles, I’m wrong because of my desire and action upon my lesbianism. In liberal circles, I’m wrong because lesbian is a label that’s restrictive. Why aren’t you just Q****? let us call you q****. Don’t doubt that you can one day be attracted to men!

Artists are nothing. A dime a dozen. My art is meaningless. It’s all been done. Everyone wants something revolutionary.

 everything is dominated by men. my eyes are so open. from the smallest way we do things. how women give birth. names babies have. EVERYTHING was made by men. my chair. modern architecture. why i wear makeup. what my makeup is made out of. it’s all men. and i really do love individual men. i feel like a lot of men don’t realize things. but like it cant be ignored. it is a fact of life. until we completely remake our society, it exists to be hostile to me. and why should society conform to me…one person. 

im a sex object. im sexually repulsive. im fat. ugly. im beautiful. im cute. im the center of the universe. i’m purity– was virginity. im “dirty” now. a crumpled dollar bill. i am sex. im lust. im whatever label i prescribe to. im whatever label others project onto me. im all– i’m nothing. 

everything is utterly, utterly meaningless. words are words, meanings are meanings. “how nihilistic. how pessimistic” one may say. i suppose it’s true. nihilism can give a meaning to life. an inspiration to just let the forces of the world happen to you until you die. but it’s also i’m constantly feeling the weight of the world on me. the world that ultimately ignores me. 

“this is why you need god.”a god is a comforting notion to those faced with the uncertainty of death. i feel a god would not be so cruel. this notion of cruelty. why should a god care about humans. it’s the same hierarchical structure men have put me in– no thank you. not that i completely blame men. women could have done things. but men and women alike are selfish. why should straight women truly care about lesbians–they dont. no one truly cares. they do what makes them seem progressive. they perform. the worlds a stage and all that. we entertain ourselves, but for those who cannot find entertainment or arent forced to just spend their time working– those who must be confronted with their very existence, thoughts, ideas, ect. well no one cares. it’s all ultimately self-serving. 

everything you think. everything you do. it’s all for yourself. you may say “oh i do service for others!” well in the context of a church think about this. you do it because it will grant you favor with your god. it will give you the satisfaction that you are in a position above someone that you’re taking your time to “serve” them. Are you really doing this out of selflessness? 

There are

“Dont help panhandlers signs in utah. People ive talked to about this have been like “well there’s so much welfare available, there’s really no need to give them money because they’re just going to spend it on drugs.” as if drugs aren’t a cycle. as if being poor–being homeless is your own failure. not the failure of a society that lets people die. that lets people believe all the money you have– you’ve earned. I got money from my dad’s IRA when he died. Did I earn this? Because he worked until he died at 59, two and a half years ago. If it was my wage for how he raised me, the emotional labor I gave him, it was not enough money. If it’s just money because he worked his entire life, I didn’t earn that. Parents no longer even really hold up the “nuclear family” myth. I dont deserve this money. I deserve nothing. No one owes me anything. It would just be better to die than to continue taking up space and time of others. I am utterly unhelpful to society in general, personally, and as a whole. I will not contribute children. I will not bring joy to others. My art will achieve nothing. 

I am a commodity, an object. A Worker. Within my church, I was supposed to find a man to love and serve. To bear his children. To preach of God. In this regard, I am also useless. There is truly no point of my existence, and the world would truly be better without me.

[00001100x-blog]

7:07; 150702

To my dearest baobei, my one and only Senpai #0,

Hi. If ever you’re wondering on why this started at July second, it’s because I kind of failed trying to type down what I wanted to say back in July first.

Actually, I’m not a fan of sending letters repeatedly because I have a tendency to write down the same things I wrote from the previous one and of course, it is boring just reading  the same stuff over and over again. But right now, I’m going to write something new. Some things I have never told you back on my previous letter.I don’t really know what I’ll be putting in here because as I told you in my previous letter, my ideas vanishes whenever I try to write you something. I don’t know why but they seem to hate me. ene

How many twelves has it been? Why does it feel like an eternity? Actually, I don’t really like celebrating this kind of things because I don’t want to measure how long we’ve been together but I just counted with a loud voice right now. February, March, April, May, June, July. From March, there were five twelves. (I actually panicked bcs I forgot March and April and I kept on counting February, May, June, July. /shot/)

I don’t know if I have told you that I actually planned on asking you on exactly Valentine’s Day and for some reasons, I was two days earlier. (But it was a good thing bcs became busy two days later) Idek why I’m telling you this but I’m really embarrassed right at this moment. Why did you do this to me I used to be nonchalant about being honest why am I so embarrassed right now this is not fair.

I don’t really know how this letter will go because I’m pretty sure this will be even more fucked up and gay unlike last time because this time, I promised to be as honest as I could and I don’t break my man words. I never break my man words. #mnalymannam

So yes, you have plastic surgeried into a J—Lee Taegyun and what the heck. Why do you look so much cuter for some reason? (I still haven’t forgiven that person who sent me a ton of your pictures okay. ene) What do you think would have happened if nanay Taeng didn’t expose your profile? Would we be reprimanded/ reported for yaoi-ing? /shot again/ Well, actually we were yaoi since the start so I don’t think it’s going to be a big issue. (I need my meds right now I think i’m getting mentally unstable again otl /shot)

I actually still am adjusting to your character change tbqh so I’m sorry if ever I don’t mention any names or misspell your name and mix it with Ambo. It takes me days (and even weeks) to adjust and I think I’m slowly getting into it though so I guess it wouldn’t be so hard anymore. unu

-8:13 -

-17:04-

If you have realized, there’s a reaaaaally huge gap on the time where I started and when I continued but you have been talking to me in between those hours. I don’t know why but I can’t really focus on writing this while I’m talking to you lately ‘cause I have been treating our time when we’re together so precious ‘cause we can’t talk as often as before unlike a few weeks ago where we had all the time for ourselves.

I kind of miss it.

You know, just… talking to you the whole day and acting so cute to “disturb” you. (I still think that I look so werd and that it’s stupid whenever I pretend to be a kitty/ puppy but I’m actually enjoying it whenever you’re all “omg u cute let me hug you ily eric” on me. /shot bcs why does this sound so weird)

Honestly, now that we’re a little more occupied, I just want to…

cLING ON YOUR LEG AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH I MISS YOU AND HOW MUCH I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU BUT CAN’T.

I don’t know with myself a hahahah a goodbye why do I sound like a child this is unfair i wanted to sound manly. D8

wHAT ELSE SHOULD I WRITE DOWN…

OH YEAH THAT-

You have been posting links on my wall and I know I tend to ignore some of them but I only ignore them bcs I’m on mobile and I wanted to see/ watch them first before giving my reactions on it. So yes, don’t feel so bad if I do so, Okay? unu

I know I tend to joke around and tell you I’d do really weird things (Like spilling your pictures to the whole sbliss community) but I don’t really mean all of them, okay? Just a few. I also don’t mean harm, okay. I only do that because… um… because I want attention. ouo

How am I saying this without getting so embarrassed though, I—

I’m going to get some air and cry at myself as I ponder on what I just typed and why I am typing this-

-18:27-

-9:04; 150703-

Okay, so as I said earlier, I have been bullying you a lot lately and I know at times I juust go overboard and do weird things. If you don’t like it though, just tell me to stop, ok? Because I don’t want you mad at me or anything unu. At times, I just don’t get the situation so easily. I’m just too dumb to handle at times. I’m sorry. Tbh, I don’t know how you deal with me whever I act like a kid and just annoy you the whole time. /shot/ I’m really sorry for being like this. Really.

I also know that whenever I play around and pretend as Tao and just blurt out really weird and cheesy crap like last time gets you in trouble (Like hurting yourself bcs I’m pretty sure you almost jumped off your seat while trying not to scream and squeal and contain all the feels last night). Tbh idk but I pretty much got a lil jealous when I found out you did bcs tao mentioned and Idk. I just… yeah. That.

And speaking of jealous, Forgive me if ever I suddenly say that I would “burn this /insert name/ guy right here”. It’s just that I really gET EASILY JEALOUS IDEK WHY BRB SOBBING AT MYSELF THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING WHERE IS MY MANLY NOW. But it’s true that I would gladly want to burn them men (and girls included at times tbqh) without any second thought.

Edit: I will seriously rip wonho’s head tho. ouo

But I’m a good boy so I won’t actually do it. ouo

-10:52 -

-9:09; 150704-

Okay. So yesterday, I just made the bravest decision in my life.

I have been the forbidden peach named Huang Zitao. Actually, I was really going to change even if I can’t change my name but that will be on the sixth.

Yes, on your birthday. Wow. Why am I even telling you this oh my gA

I don’t really plan on bullying you to be honest. I just want to legalize my AB puns. /shot so hard rn there’s blood everywhere/ And to be younger and not labelled a grandpa- /shot again- hEAD SHOT DOUBLE KILL/

I just realized that it has been days and it still hasn’t been as long as my last letter. For some reasons, I actually wanted it to be longer than the last one so hopefully it’ll be but I’m pretty sure you’ll get so bored in the middle of this and fall asleep at me since you’re a bear and all you do is sleep. /shot/ jkjk ily baobei

But really though. This letter is typed on microsoft word, Arial, size 8 and it’s only been two pages with 1,300+ words. It’s so short. And I was planning to add a thousand more to my word count goal. (So at least 3,000 words. Wow. I can make a novel with the letters I’m sending you xD)

So to make it longer, I will just tell you the cheesiest and most cringe- worthy puns and pickup lines I will hear and watch over on the next few days. I wanted to sound a little romantic but I just can’t. For some reasons, I just sound so lame whenever I do that.

And by lame, I meant so lame that people will just stare at me with a poker face and say “u kidding me bro?”

Yep.

oH I FOUND THIS POEM LIKE THING I KIND OF WROTE WHEN I WAS BORED.

But it isn’t as cheesy as the things I send you, alright. I’m just trying to sound like I’m gonna spoil you so much one day.

I don’t know if I should send you the whole thing but then I re-read it and laughed because there was a line that said: “I’ll make sure to time travel back to the Jurassic era to get you a dinosaur or ten”. I might have missed taking meds that day because time travelling sounds im—Wait- It’s not impossible for me now I just have to activate Tao pow—I think I’ve lost it- ouo

-10:20-

-10:47; 150707-

I haven’t been writing in this document for two/ three days because I was busy and I had to do a lot of other stuff but hERE I AM YAY AFTER A MILLION YEARS—

Alright, what else should I say?

So yes, I know I have rEALLY lacked a lot. I know at times I am a lil wimpy and I only know how to be logical and I really don’t fight back to people (Because if I do I’ll get back the worse way possible and I admit that I’m a nerd that’s why I don’t fight back) and you kind of saved my butt when the bs fight happened. unu (Truth is that I’m tired talking to her tbh and I’m not good at insulting others in front of their faces. /shot/ Also, I act like a kid a lot of times- Tell me if I’m getting annoying okay I just— idk why i’m doing it when I get really embarrassed doing aegyo on other people-

-11:51-

-13:34-

Warning: You’ll find the word sorry a lot from this point on.

If you don’t know, I’ve been trying to write something during my free time that’s why some are cliff- hanger-ed and some are just damn short. (Like your height. jkjk ily baobei) tbh, I feel bad about that- Not being able to write you something as long as my previous letter. You know that I get mad at myself if I fuck up or if I didn’t get things right. I actually am a little upset at myself for not being able to write paragraphs and paragraphs of cheese that I have promised myself to write in this letter.

I guess I failed again.

I’m sorry for always being like this okay? I just think I should do better the next time and surpass what I have done the last time. This is why I wanted to write at least 3,000 words because 2,700 is not enough. I just need to do much more for some reason. Honestly, I don’t even know why I have the need to do that when I barely challenged myself into something. Maybe it’s just not enough?

I still am wondering on why I still remember most of the things you tell me. Useless or not. (Yes, I still remember it. It’s red. You told me to forget but it just crossed my mind again.) I really am so sorry if I use it against you at times and teasing you about them. I just—you’re just so cute whenever I tease you and I can’t help but tease you more because you’re so cute. So much kawaii pls u kawaii. You’re a living kawaii god. /whispers/ jesus.

I actually wanted to put the word “my” before “kawaii god” but it just doesn’t sound so right. Not in a dirty way, though- But it kind of sounds as if I’m actually worshipping you and that’s just too extreme and it sounds a lil obsessed. (I wouldn’t mind worshipping you tho if you want to eue /shot/) It’s not that I don’t love you, okay. I just don’t want to sound so obsessed and weird though I’m pretty sure I would end up planking in the middle of the road and scream your name out in agony as the cars beep at me because I’m causing a traffic jam when you’re not around.

I think I’m a little overreacting right now and I should stop doing that.

sEE WHAT YOU DID TO ME YOU MADE ME THIS GAY I WASN’T THIS GAY BEFORE. unu

-13:58-

-17:02; 150709-

I blabber a lot of nonsesnse sometimes ok and it doesn’t mean that I do them on purpose. I really don’t want to make you mad or anything. You shouldn’t mind me if I do that ok. unu

Also, please do tell me when you’re upset ok. It makes me feel a lil bit uneasy and want to go back to my man words and wanting to leave because I start to have thoughts that it would be better if I disappear. I’m sorry. At times I just get to be really depressed and i do things that are beyond stupid.

Shoot. My head is aching even more. Hahahaha

Anyways, so, yes, I don’t know what in the fuck is wrong with me that I keep on fucking things up and stuff. I also don’t know why I keep on saying sorry but I am really, really sorry. I’m so sorry no words can describe how sorry I am.

Isn’t this a creative letter? Hahaha Sorries are most likely 95% of my letter.

… And I said it would be really cheesy this time. /shot/

-17:31-

-15:39; 150711-

I should be really honest right now and say that I really was supposed to do a few paragraphs each day but I failed. It’s not because I was abandoning it, okay. It was because I prefer to Talk to you and hug you and stuff than write something here. I also wasn’t really planning on making you a letter this time but then I thought I couldn’t really do anything more than that because I pretty much suck at things that I’m supposed to be good at.

Like making good puns.

… In which I was never good at.

But my AB puns are still unbeatable okay, b AB. eue /sHOT RIGHT AT THE SPOT/

I really think you don’t need to read this whole letter tbqh because It’s just full of nonsense crap anyways. The main point here (again) is that I love you so much. Very muuuuch. Like this -> o <-Because circles doesn’t end and I just love you that much okay. unu

But I guess I should end this letter reaaaal soon.

What else should I say?

Yeah. I’m a little short of my own word limit and this is dumb because I said I’d write 3,000 words and get you so bored reading this but I guess I failed. unu

Whatever, though. I already feel accomplished as I have finished another letter once again.

I love you so much.

Even if you’re so mean and you bully me a lot and you like taking advantage of things especially when it comes to aegyo. /shot bcs semi- describing myself/

-20:25-

-13:46; 150712-

But I guess I shouldn’t end this just yet.

I really don’t want to say thank you and stuff because I’m pretty sure that I’m trying my best to show you how thankful I am that you existed in my life ok. You always make me feel that I’m important even if I’m a really annoying weirdo sometimes.

About that one we had a fight, by the way, I only said it wasn’t a big deal but to be honest there was one time I really begged people so I can get one ok. tHIS IS EMBARRASSING OH MY gOD. And of course I’m sure you know all about that because Sica tells you all the embarrassing things I tell her and do in front of her.

But really though, I deleted most of what I got except for yours pls.

-14:02-

-16:19-

Wow. I’m so out of words now.

Actually, I already had this letter done last night but then the urge of dragging it longer is just so biG.

All I really want to say is that I love you even if you’re mean and you like calling me cute even if I’m trying to be manly in front of you.

I love you even if you’re a really big klutz and you’re confused all of the time.

I love you even if you’re the most imperfect creature in this world bcs pls there is no flawless creature in this world.

I love you because you’re you so no matter how dumb you get jUST REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU OK.

And never forget that bcs if you do I will seriously just… sulk in a corner there because I’m unmanly enough to do something manly about that.

Yes. And no matter what happens, you’ll be my small, fragile and kawaii oppa. (Even though you’re really not an oppa. Stop confusing ppl pls they’re starting to think we’re gay tho it’s kind of true that we’re gay.)

And seriously, okay. I will try my best to protect you even though the truth is that you’re the one who saves my butt.

But yes, I want to tell you that I love you so much. Very much. So much that words can’t explain it anymore. It’s unfathomable. (what the fuck am I saying. Hahahaha /shot/)

Let me say it again,

I love you, Jung Daeun.

So much.

-16:30-

By Huang Zitao, 71215

Total words: 3,021(Time and emoticons included)

Pages: 5 (portrait) 6 (landscape)

[katysthoughts]

its been a while since i posted on here i think. and quite a bit has happened. the day after i last posted (friday) i didnt go into school because moving was too painful and i was physically EXHAUSTED. i argued with my mum a lot that morning too and what she said still hasnt been removed from my memory. i wont go into detail but she as good as called me selfish and said that i dont want to get better because i dont make the effort. i dont really know what to say about that. but basically, i slept the ENTIRE day and it made me feel a bit better over all. i also finished your lie in april that night and wow i cried. over that weekend i watched an entire kdrama (16 episodes) and went through a whole wave of emotions. it was great though, 10/10 would recommend weightlifting fairy kim bok joo. monday hurt like a bitch and i basically had to care for a girl with alcohol poisoning when i could barely move my own limbs so that was fun. 👨‍👦 has gone back to practically bullying me even though he stopped for a few days. now if anything he has gotten worse with the constant asian jokes (which piss me the fuck off. he makes it out like i have a fucking asian fetish when no, i enjoy south east asian entertainment. thats all. i dont say "ill only date asian guys/girls" or "asia is the best" bla bla bla. i listen to kpop, watch kdrama and watch anime. is that a fucking crime? i was bullied all though primary school, and to this very day im hated on for my own interests that literally have nothing to do with other people. apparently its a crime to like things. and GOD FORBID i ever find somethign that ACTUALLY makes me happy. because whenever i do (kdrama/pop and anime) i get bullied the shit out of and made to feel like its a crime until im too scared to fucking like anything) that bracket was long im sorry. i had an art trip on wednesday which was shit, apart from the fact i spent the entire day with ☀️ and i feel like i got a lot closer to her than normal, and we were both really relaxed where as things seem to be forced and awkward in school. we really clicked and idk... she really seemed like a best friend then. like, really. and thursday 👨‍👦's shitty jokes got worse to the point i nearly fuckign cried and i remember the exact one thta did it. i was sat in the corner in the practice room, and 👨‍👦 was saying something about being depressed and shit. then he said something along the lines of (context: was previously talking about self harm)"... youll make me do what katy does" *me and 🐋 instantly snap our heads towards each other* "sit in the corner and listen to asian music" *me and zoe half sigh* "which is way more depressing than self harming" i. nearly. cried. i instantly pulled my shirt into my hand and started fiddling and jfc tried not to cry. like. why the FUCK???? would??? you??? say??? that??? especially about someone you knew has anxiety, depression and wants to kill herself. and he isnt even nearly close enough to make those sorts of jokes about me. how dare he. and what makes it worse is that ive been shing since i was 12 years old. ive stopped and started a lot and yaknow... i do it now. touchy subject mate. please dont make jokes about it. thursday was parents evening and basically all of my teachers just told me to revise revise revise. it was pretty boring apart from my mum FALLING IN LOVS WITH MY RE TEACHER. she flat out told me that yeah, im capable of an a-a* in re, and only achieved a b in my mock which was disappointing, but she told me it was because of me missing so many lessons because of my anxiety. AND THEN TOLD ME THAT MY MENTAL HEALTH COMES BEFORE EVERYTHIGN ELSE. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE CARES MORE ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH THAN MY GRADES AND SAID THAT IF EVER I NEED A TIME OUT I CAN SIT IN HER OFFICE OR IN A CLASSROOM COMPLETELY ALONE, EVEN WITHOUT TEACHERS NS WHERE NO ONE WALKS PAST AND GET ON WITH STUFF IN THERE. SHE PROMISED SHE WILLL DO WHATEVER SHE CAN TO HELP AND SAID SHE HAS NEVER OFFERED THAT TO ANYONE EVER BEFORE. NO OTHER TEACHER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH BUT SHE WAS LOVELY AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE IS MY FAVE WHAT AN ANGEL. but my mum fell in love with her and although the rest of parents evening (and that whole night) was pretty shit, that made me feel not useless and unwanted so yay! then friday wasnt too bad apart from drop down re day all afternoon but it was whatever. this morning was just weird bc i woke up to a man in my room fitting a sky box but whatever lmaoooooo. and today me and my mum watched loads of BTS videos, did bts quizzes and then went to watch fantastic beasts again bc we wanted yo do something together. i was incredibly anxious the whole way through and needed to pee, but the movie was still great 10/10. DID I MENTION I LOVE MY BEST FRIENDS?!?!?!?!?! I CHANGED MY PROFILE PICTURE ON FACEBOOK TODAY AND 🐋&🎏 COMMENTED AND WERE REALLY NICE AND I NEARLY CRIED WHAT DID I DO IN MY PAST LIFE TO DESERVE SUCH ANGELS AS MY BEST FRIENDS FFS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH JESUS. 🎏 also messaged me just saying "ur freaking gorgeous" AMD I STARTED TO TEAR UP FOR REAL WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO. IVE BEEN FEELING SHIT AND WANTIGN TO DIE AND SHE COMES ALONG JUST COMPLIMENTING ME AND OMG.... SHES THE KIND WHO COMPLIMENTS AND MEANS IT BC SHES HONEST. AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH. I MISS HER. I NEED TO MEET HER SOON OMGGGGGG 🎏🎏🎏 but yeah, idk what else to say... urm... i left a lot out bc its been a loooong week but yeah no one reads this anyway so whatever. bye~