#im slightly going off of my own memory sooo

[quixtrix]

rayman, eden's feel good american dream story; an analysis

guess who's back with taking ubisoft's silly guys and cutting them open. yknow, if you strip rayman of his personality, of all the behind the scenes we get of him, we get a run of the mill news reporter that is an immigrant, who by face alone serves as a shining ray of hope. he's easily something that by all means, can be classified as a diversity hire. immigrant, nonhuman (which in the world of clh can be considered to be equated with poc irl), and notably the only one in his work environment. don't believe me?

we rarely ever see anyone other than rayman on the show in the form of a coworker. the only time we do see other eden affiliated people, they are both white. "but you can't see red's face!!" there is a reason his dialogue makes you think of more right leaning people with their claims of 'wokeness is destroying everything' under something like april from tmnt being black and not ginger. he's a caricature meant to represent a specific group of people under fascism; those who have successfully consumed the fearmongering and have let it turn from fear of those that they are told are beneath them into hatred for them. there is also the fact that on live tv he throws up a middle finger, refers to an implied group of immigrant people as 'filthy interdimensional alien scum,' and seemingly gains no backlash for it. yes, the other reporter does try to give red a chance to go back on his words, but he sticks to it. and despite all of this, we get no indication that neither red nor the niji 6 had to apologise or received punishment for this. in fact, red is possibly given more chances by eden due to him being weirdly in charge of bullfrog's containment in a way? (i'm not entirely sure WHY he was there, but as he is one of eden's tv personalities, he's at a possibly televised trial of a terrorist.) now if you compare this to rayman, who also acted inappropriately on tv by literally saying fuck, you'd come to realise that rayman was treated so much more harshly. he was IMMEDIATELY replaced by a clone of himself, with no warning nor any indication that eden would do such a thing. it's very likely this was one of, if not the first time that rayman has slipped up like this on live tv. maybe it's a repeat offence considering his personality, but then you could argue that red is a repeat offender of the same shit and then you have to wonder why a soldier like red was not easily replaced but someone who is the literal face and voice of eden was with ease. it's because rayman made himself more than jus a story, he humanised himself by showing a peek of his raw feelings. remember that cute little exposition of the rayman kids show about hybrids? where we see all of these hybrids working as society's grunts and the kids are told to be thankful for hybrids? it's very sweet and gives a good message! now the rayman kids show is a product of eden propaganda, but rayman very much has a hand in it, most likely as a writer. he uses his platform to speak on issues that has happened and affected him. this can be seen in his biopic.

jus sit with this image for a moment. you ever think about why rayman is specifically made as an alien? why he's specifically an immigrant? in real life news reports and speeches, there is a difference in implications when people use immigrants and not aliens. you wanna know why?

as someone apart of an immigrant family myself, i live in a community of other immigrants. majority of them are hispanic, and while i myself am not hispanic, i am very aware of how hispanic immigrants were referred to and treated by politicians under trump's presidency. how couldn't i? even as children in middle school and elementary, we had discussions about what trump was saying because it directly targets my friends and their families. they are people targeted by a man who specifically uses derogatory terms to dehumanise them, to make it easier to justify in the average american mind that the government is doing the right thing by keeping out and protecting america from these so-called 'invading animals.' makes what red was saying earlier feel very on the nose, right? adi shankar, the showrunner for captain laserhawk, is also an immigrant man. immigrated from india, which by the way, did you know has a lot of people immigrating for the purpose of having a better life? that's a common sentiment that can be found in every single immigrant family's story. i've asked my filipino mother why she took an opportunity to live and work in america, and she told me it's because she wanted to give her children a better life than what we would have had in the philippines. hell, i bet if you share a similar background to me, you can ask your own parents the same thing and get the exact same answer, regardless if you came from latin america or africa, or asia. it's because of the concept of the american dream. everyone who has ever engaged with any degree of immigrant discussion has heard of the american dream. it's a concept that seems to be consistently proven via word of mouth, with the biggest examples being celebrities. they will always, without fail, eventually speak about the american dream within their backstories. and typically, they will use their platforms to further empower others within their community. it's why people from specific ethnicities tend to group together, why people make art meant as something akin to a homage to their people. it provides hope to the masses, makes you relate to the person on the screen, and believe that this society is truly a gracious one by providing opportunity. because yeah, it may be bad, but it could be worse. i mean we appreciate you! just look!

dont mind the fact that the majority of opportunities allotted to you is grunt work, the work where you at the base of the pyramid, with the harder jobs and the jobs no one wants to do. dont mind the fact you will be actively dehumanised, forced to work for hours in conditions we wouldn't put anyone else in, but hey. we appreciate you. we thank you. and yknow, you can become more than what you are. yknow, we let someone just like you be more than what you are! nevermind the fact that if they slip up, they'll be met with MUCH harsher criticism in comparison to someone who isn't you! aren't we so gracious? i probably sound a bit like matpat's insane out of context real world examples, but this show is filled with political imagery, so let me be. anyways, let's get back to eden and rayman. rayman, despite being specifically from dimension x as an alien, keeps hybrids in mind when he's doing his work.

people of colour tend to share solidarity with one another due to the fact that surface wise, we share similar struggles. to grossly oversimplify things, we all face discrimination through our appearances and are oppressed by the rules of a society created by our white oppressors. again, hybrids and dimension x immigrants can be equated to irl poc, and despite being different from each other, there is still community. rayman keeps them in mind, hoping to make things better for the overall nonhuman and nonnative (native as in naturally born) population of eden. but, rayman is not what he believes he is. because despite everything he has worked for, despite what he has tried to do, he is still a facilitator of the fascist regime that has an active hand in the perpetual oppression of his own people. one of the core concepts within fascism is us versus them. it's an easy way to instill fear (which is very much needed in fascism to make it easier to lie to the masses) and it's used in multiple layers, beginning with a large group (ex. us versus ussr, capitalism vs communism), then progressively sizing down (ex. saying all eastern europeans are communist, then going smaller and say all those affiliated with eastern europeans are communist) with the goal being to put people against each other and break up community since if you put your minds together, you'll start to realise that the fascist system is bullshit. what i've personally come to find is that in order to hide the fact that there is fascism lurking is that someone that can be considered a 'them,' an other, will be given a seat at the table. it's so they can be used as an excuse, a human shield, when they inevitably slip up and can be paraded to the masses as proof that the other is not as smart or powerful as 'us.' the 'other' within the 'us' is used as something to look down at, while also justifying to oneself that they have a place, that they are not being oppressed. they have an opportunity as much as anyone else! so long as they don't mess up. rayman messes up, and is shunned from 'us.' hes a mistake, impure, clearly not like 'us,' 'us' who had been so gracious to give this 'other' a place. he's cut out and discarded because he has well worn his purpose, and clearly, they can just get another little puppet. they'll dress him up and make him worthy of being one of 'us,' and make sure that this one won't fall to the fault of his little ideas. which is exactly what leads to rayman's transformation of ramon. being forcibly forced out and discarded by eden because he showed his true ideas makes him realise that there was no real place for him within the system. because what good is his work if it leads to what he tried not to create? it's worthless, just as the system it attempts to thrive in is.

tl;dr, rayman is a representation of the american dream, specifically celebrities. he tries to do what he can with his platform, but the fact is that within a fascist system, his impact is not entirely felt in the way he wants it to. that is why he becomes ramon.

anyways if you reached the end of THIS LONG ASS PIECE GOOD LORD thank you!! always open to discuss this and take criticism, my ask box is open in the lil 'who's asking' :^]

[ticklishfiend]

The Gaang Gets Zuko (ATLA)

lee!zuko , ler!gaang :P

A/N : im having sooo much fun with this show rn, esp having fun attacking zuko as much as possible LOL im going bonkers. there’s no clear story or plot in this one, just the gaang being silly and zuko getting to be silly with them :P

Summary : separate short stories of each member of the gaang tickling zuko (and one where Zuko actually gets one back, read to find out who hehe)

Word Count : 5139

hope u enjoy!! <3

-

It was strange how relaxed Zuko was starting to feel. The air seemed easier to breathe these days, despite everything he knew they were all about to go through. But that’s just it. Zuko knows he’s not alone. He has people, good people, behind him. Though he misses his Uncle greatly, it keeps Zuko motivated to know Iroh would be proud to see how far he’s come since they’d been separated.

Things are looking up, despite it all, and Zuko’s especially happy he gets to feel that in good company.

“So, like this, right?” Aang asked, getting into position for the new firebending move Zuko’s trying to teach him. 

“Um…not quite,” Zuko walked behind him, grabbing his shoulders to gently adjust his stance. “You want your shoulders back a little more, it’ll help your balance. And you should have your waist turned a bit to the side, like this…” Zuko gently gripped onto Aang’s sides, but was startled at how quickly Aang jumped away with a surprised laugh.

“Aaah–tickles, tickles!” Aang giggled, rubbing the sensation away with his arms.

Zuko frowned with his hands on his hips, “Seriously? I barely touched you.”

Katara snickered as she watched them train, bending water in the air lazily like a fidget. “Aang’s more sensitive than most. Remember that wound your sister gave him on his foot? Yeah, that took way, way longer than it should have. He wouldn’t stop squirming.”

“It’s not my fault your water’s so tickly!” Aang cringed at the memory. He took a deep breath before turning back to Zuko, getting into position. “Okay, I’m ready this time. You just surprised me.”

Zuko lifted an eyebrow before trying again, this time with less giggly results. Zuko wasn’t used to such silliness when it came to training, but it was endearing to see Aang was comfortable enough with him to act like that (even if it was slightly annoying).

They trained for another 15 or so minutes before Zuko called for a break, ready for his pre-lunch meditation. He leaned down to gather some of his scattered things into a bag, not noticing the figure creeping up behind him. Before he knew it, Zuko felt two hands give quick pinches to his hip. “AH-! Ggghaha-!” a strangled giggle fell out of him before he could stop it, squirming out of the grip and whipping his body around.

Aang stood behind him with a grin and hands raised in surrender, “Sorry, I had to get you back for earlier.”

Zuko scowled with a pink face, trying very hard to ignore Katara giggling behind Aang. “But I wasn’t even trying to tickle you earlier,” he groaned, turning back around but keeping his guard up. “It’s unfair catching me off guard like that.”

“Yeah, but you gotta admit, that sound you just made was pretty funny,” Aang snickered, sitting down next to Katara and stealing some of her water to fidget with as well. 

Zuko sighed, turning around to hide his warm face. “Whatever, I’m gonna meditate. Don’t bother me unless it’s for lunch,” he said before walking out of their view to his normal meditation spot.

-

Zuko was sat on his bed reading a book Uncle had given him forever ago. Being on the run meant he never really had time to just sit and read (and maybe it was partly his pride that wouldn’t allow him to do something he deemed so lazy), but honestly it wasn’t half bad. Sure, he could be training right now, but everyone else seemed content doing their own thing so maybe that was okay for him too. Uncle always said proper relaxation was an important tool for a warrior to learn.

His reading time, however, was cut short when he heard a knock at his doorway. Zuko looked up to see Sokka peeking his head around the corner.

“You need something?” Zuko asked, sitting his book down on the bed.

“Well, I–uh…” Sokka cleared his throat shuffling awkwardly in the doorway. “I was just wondering if you would, uh–help me out with something? It’s nothing major! You really don’t have to if you don’t wanna, I know you’ve got a lot on your plate with, y’know, training the Avatar and everything, but like, I mean, if you maybe had the time–”

“Sokka,” Zuko interrupted his ramblings, holding the book up for him to see. “I’m not exactly doing anything important right now. I can do you a favor if you need it.”

Sokka sighed, “Okay, that’s good to hear because I really need your help right now,” he shuffled into Zuko’s room defeatedly, plopping himself next to the prince and throwing his head in his hands. “I think I sorta suck at hand-to-hand combat.”

Zuko nearly laughed at that. “Are you serious? You guys managed to take out every team I threw at you, and you think you’re bad at combat?”

“Yeah, but that was when I had everybody with me! You know, benders?!” Sokka sighed, “I’m not a bender, so having them with me to fight is like, insanely helpful. But…what if I end up alone at the next battle? What if I lose my sword? I’ll be useless! I need to know how to fight with my fists at least a little before we go out there.”

All this did was confuse Zuko even more. “Your girlfriend is a Kyoshi Warrior. Why aren’t you asking her for help? She’s the only other non-bender on the team, it seems pretty obvious.”

Sokka blushed and turned his head away, “Well that’s…actually part of it,” he scratched the back of his head sheepishly, “She’s so good at combat. And she’s a great teacher, don’t get me wrong! Everything I know about fighting, it came from her. But…I feel so stupid. We spar all the time, but she’s the one teaching me the moves, she knows what strategy I’m gonna take! I kinda…I wanna impress her during our next spar. Maybe show her something she hasn’t seen me do before,” Sokka looked up at Zuko with an unsure face. “I thought maybe you could teach me a thing or two?”

Zuko just stared for a moment, thinking it over. Sokka had that puppy-dog look on his face he always gets when he’s trying to win someone over…unfortunately for Zuko, he’s really good at that face. 

Zuko sighed, rubbing a hand over his face before standing and making his way towards the door. “I can’t promise it’ll help you any. I’m better at fighting with my bending than just plain combat. You’re already in good hands with Suki.”

Sokka jumped up, following behind Zuko like a puppy. “I know, but I just wanna see if it helps,” he wrapped an arm around the back of Zuko’s neck as they walked, the boy in question not acknowledging the touch whatsoever. “Can’t hurt to try, right?”

Zuko peeked an eye towards Sokka. “Whatever.”

They found an open area to spar, somewhere away from everyone else so no one could spill the “secret” to Suki. Not like anyone actually cared, but Sokka insisted this was the best move to make. 

They fought for a while, Sokka showing off the moves he learned from Suki, and Zuko trying to teach him anything that popped into his head that Sokka might not already know. But…the spar wasn’t really turning out the way Zuko had envisioned before they started.

Sokka was actually really good at this. Like, stupid good. Way better than he had given himself credit for just about an hour ago. He’d already pinned Zuko probably 5 times, and Zuko only got him down once. It was sorta embarrassing. Zuko kept reminding himself that the guy had been trained by a literal Kyoshi warrior, so it shouldn’t be that surprising.

Still, though. It did take a tiny blow to his ego that the guy asking him for training was practically kicking his butt right now.

“Woohoo! Down for the count again!” Sokka whooped from behind Zuko. The boy was pinned on his front, arms behind his back.

“I thought you wanted help,” Zuko wheezed, twisting his wrists in Sokka’s hold to no avail. “Now it feels like you just wanted bragging rights,” he mumbled.

Sokka didn’t say anything. Actually, he just kept looking down at Zuko with this look. His eyes a little wide, his lips sucked behind his teeth. 

You’re kidding. You’re kidding.

“Are you serious?!” Zuko yelled, starting to actually fight under Sokka’s hold now that he felt thoroughly pissed off. “Why would you lie about that?! You could’ve just asked for a spar!”

Sokka stammered, “Well, I was serious at first! I wasn’t lying! I really did want your help!” He paused, baring his teeth a little in guilt. “Buuuut…after we started sparring, I realized I was way better than I thought I was. I don’t know why, but I just kinda figured you’d be able to take me down with no trouble! You’re like, royally trained or something, right?”

Zuko frowned, “Yeah. I am,” he said. “In firebending.”

Sokka’s brows shot up. “Oh yeaaaah. Didn’t really think about that,” he chuckled nervously.

A beat passed in silence before both of them realized Sokka was still on top of him. Zuko twisted his wrists in Sokka’s hands, “Well? Are you gonna get off me?”

“I don’t really trust you not to turn me into bacon right now.”

“Sokka.”

Sokka laughed, “Y’know, it’s kinda funny if you think about it. Last year I used to run from you, and now I’ve got you literally pinned under me. I mean, really, it just writes itself!”

Zuko groaned, pressing his forehead to the floor. “You are…beyond annoying.”

“I’m just saying, if I had all this Kyoshi training last year, we might not even be here right now. Or maybe you’d have joined our group back then, after seeing how much of an asset to the team I am!” Sokka teased, pressing his body weight against Zuko’s arms so he could flex a muscle in Zuko’s eyeshot. 

Then, Sokka went quiet for a moment. Suspiciously quiet. Zuko was not a fan of his disadvantage right now. 

“Hey, who’s that fire nation girl that’s always hanging around your sister? You know, the one that can paralyze people?”

Zuko sighed, “That would be Ty Lee. Get off.”

“Yeah, Ty Lee! Man, it’d be so cool if she wasn’t the worst,” Sokka adjusted his grip a bit, like he was trying to get a better hold for something. What in the world is he planning?! “I bet I could learn a thing or two from that girl, strengthen up my fighting style a bit,” Sokka shrugged, “Eh, I bet I could be self taught. I just gotta find the right nerve…”

Before Zuko could even process what he was talking about, Sokka started poking up and down Zuko’s open sides, using one finger to poke one side, then the other, then back again. Over and over and over. 

“G-GaAH!” Zuko’s body jumped under the assault, squirming under his hold. “N-No, Sokka, let me–gohoho!” He giggled involuntarily, trying his best to hide his face in the floor while also trying to jerk away from Sokka’s ticklish hold.

“No, hold on, I think I’m getting the hang of this!” Sokka teased, poking up into Zuko’s ribs. Zuko couldn’t help the squeaky giggles falling from his lips, it was mortifying. He kicked his legs out behind Sokka like it would do anything, but with how good the boy had gotten at these warrior pins, Zuko didn’t stand a chance.

“S-stohohop! This is sohoho–ahaha so stuhupid!” Zuko cackled, writhing when he felt Sokka start pinching at his bony ribs. He could feel his face growing warmer by the second, horribly embarrassed by how easily Sokka can drag him into his playful little games.

“Okay, okay, just oneeee more thing,” Sokka said before bringing his hand up to flutter soft fingers against Zuko’s neck and ears. Crapcrapcrapcrap that really tickles. Zuko immediately fell into the most disgusting, high-pitched, girly-ish giggles he’s ever produced. It. Was. Terrible.

“Nohoho! Come ohohon! This is–ahaha this is so unfahahair!” Zuko whined, pulling against the hands holding him hostage. “This is assahahault!”

Sokka cackled at that, finally letting go of his very ticklish victim. He stood and backed away enough to let Zuko catch his breath, wiping a mirthful tear from his eye.

“You–pfff!! You’re so ticklish! Who woulda guessed that?!” Sokka laughed, practically doubled over in it. Zuko grumbled on the ground, sitting up and stretching his arms.

“And you are so childish,” he groveled, before launching at Sokka while he wasn’t paying attention. He grabbed around the boy’s waist and brought him to the ground with an ‘oof!’, the pair roughing it out for a moment before Zuko got the upper hand (Sokka was still laughing too much to put up a real fight). On the ground, Zuko had him trapped in a reverse bear hug, finding an opening near Sokka’s stomach to dig his own fingers in and make Sokka howl.

“Say you’re sorry!” Zuko grunted, trying to avoid a head butt from Sokka’s frantic squirming. “Say it!”

“AAAHH! AAAHAhahaha! I’m–! I’m ssssahahahah!” Sokka cackled, struggling to find the words with fingers digging incessantly into his stomach. Even in his wild state, Sokka could tell Zuko wasn’t very used to this, his tickling-style a little more rough than what he’s used to with the others. But luckily for Zuko, Sokka was a little too ticklish for it to actually affect anything.

“What? You can dish it but you can’t take it?!” Zuko fired back with his usual angry tone, though it was really hard to take seriously when he started pinching at Sokka’s side so viciously. 

“I cahaha–! It’s tooohohohoo–! AAAHH-!" Sokka's screaming laugh echoed through the temple, his head jerking back and forth. Zuko's fingers were getting tired, and this whole thing felt so stupid, but it was the principle of the thing! This is...how it works, right?

Zuko kept tickling despite not really knowing what he was doing, avoiding flailing limbs and a jerking head all the while. And right, right before he was about to just call it quits, he heard a cough from just outside his peripheral.

The pair froze, Zuko feeling his entire face grow warm in the matter of seconds. They both turned their heads slowly to see Suki standing there with her arms crossed, one eyebrow raised in question.

"You two having fun in here?" Suki asked through a smile, clearly on the verge of laughing. Zuko dropped Sokka like a sack of potatoes, standing up quickly with a finger pointed right at Sokka.

“He started this! He attacked me first, but–but I got out! And then he started laughing, and, I mean–it was so stupid! This is so stupid!” Zuko yelled in embarrassment, throwing his hands up to cover his whole face.

Suki giggled and walked over towards her boyfriend on the ground. “Aw, did the big mean firebender get you?” She teased a frowning (and blushing) Sokka. Suki held out her hand to him, “Come on, get up.”

Sokka took it with a scowl, refusing to make eye contact with Zuko. At least, until Sokka remembered how this whole thing started, his whole demeanor lighting up in an instant. “Oh you’ll never believe this. I beat Zuko. In a spar,” he whooped, looking over towards the firebending to find him scowling with his arms crossed. “Actually, it was like ten!”

“Six. It was just six,” Zuko squinted at Sokka in contempt.

“Okay, but six is still a lot compared to your one win,” Sokka boasted, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend.

Suki pulled herself out of his hold, “Uh, sure, but I think after what I saw, Zuko’s still the winner here,” she said, shooting an affirming smile Zuko’s way. 

Sokka dropped his jaw, “What?! But–But I beat him! Like, TONS of times?!” He exclaimed, “And I’m the one that started that! I tickled Zuko first, he totally went down!”

“When I was already pinned!” Zuko argued, angry he couldn’t make his blush fade any faster.

Suki sucked her teeth, “Sokka, if you started this, that’s even worse,” she shrugged. “You cheated. Zuko’s clearly the winner here, he just finished what you started” Suki pat Sokka’s back, shooting Zuko an empathetic look. “Sorry my boyfriend’s so childish. If you ever want a real spar, you know where to find me.”

Zuko looked surprised, really expecting her to tease him like everybody else did. “Oh, uh…yeah, whatever. Sure.”

Suki smiled, taking Sokka by the shoulders and walking him off. Zuko could hear her scolding as they walked away, “Next time we spar, I’ll show you how a real warrior cheats.”

Zuko wasn’t really sure how to take that. In fact, he decided it was probably best to ignore whatever that meant. Instead, he just grabbed his bag and tried forgetting this whole embarrassing mess ever happened.

–

“Zuko, I’m so sorry! I’m so so so sorry, I never meant for this to happen!” Aang practically cried behind Zuko, his words muffled under the hands he used to cover his mouth in guilt. “If you never wanna train me again, I’d understand. I just…I’m so sorry. I’m so—”

“Aang, it’s fine. I already told you it’s fine,” Zuko sighed, propping his bare foot up on the stool of earth Toph made for him. “Believe me, I’ve been burned way worse than this.”

“But that’s different!” Aang cried, falling on his butt to hide his face in his knees. “I can’t believe I burned someone. Again.”

“You’re still learning. It happens,” Zuko winced when Katara took hold of his ankle to get a better look at the burn. “Trust me, I burned a few of my trainers when I was growing up too. It’s just part of firebending. Once you’ve mastered it, you won’t have to worry about it anymore.”

Aang lifted his head with a sniffle. “Yeah…I guess you’re right,” he sighed. “Still feel bad, though.”

“As long as it doesn’t affect your training going further, I really don’t care,” Zuko shrugged, leaning back against his hands.

“That’s a little rude, don’t you think?” said Katara, popping the cork from her water bottle.

“Not really. I don’t care. I’m fine, and Aang will be too,” Zuko said, before gasping as Katara let the healing water wash over his feet. He jerked his foot back off the stool, making Katara raise an eyebrow.

“Zuko?” She looked down at the empty stool. “Kinda need your foot for this.”

Aang lit up, the smile finally returned to his face when he realized with a giggle, “I forgot! Zuko’s ticklish!”

“I am not! It just surprised me!” Zuko argued, throwing his foot back on the stool with confidence (though the pout he sported said otherwise).

Katara snickered, holding her water up so Zuko could see. “Well it’s a good thing you aren’t ticklish then, cause Aang could barely sit still last time I did this to him.”

“Yeah, Toph nearly had to earthbend my hands to the ground to keep me from moving,” Aang nodded, clearly feeling more chipper than a moment ago. Zuko cringed at the thought, shaking his head to clear it from overthinking.

“That will not be necessary,” Zuko huffed. “Just get to it, I’ll be fine. We need to get back to training.”

Katara shrugged, bringing the water to his foot and starting the healing process. Zuko immediately gasped again, his foot nearly jerking off the stool. He caught himself this time, but no one in the room missed the flinch.

Well, except for Toph, but only out of technicality’s sake.

“Your hearts racing, Sparky,” Toph sang, never missing an opportunity to tease their resident grump.

“Shut up, Toph,” Zuko said through bared teeth, straining himself to keep from letting a giggle slip. He squirmed in his seat, toes clenching and unclenching involuntarily. If he can just get through this without cracking, there’ll be nothing for these weirdos to tease him about. He can do this.

“Y’know, you should probably breathe soon. Don’t want you dying on us while I’m healing you,” Katara said, looking up from her water at Zuko’s puffed cheeks and pink face. He’d been too focused to even realize he was holding his breath in the first place. Slowly, Zuko exhaled through his nose before flinching hard again at a more solid sensation in the center of his foot.

“Grrk–!” Zuko jumped, scowling at Katara who started snickering.

“Sorry, my finger slipped,” she grinned, making the other two start giggling at his expense. 

“It’s really okay if you need to laugh, Zuko,” said Aang. “There’s no way I could’ve held it in like you are.”

“I said I’m fine. It doesn’t even…” Zuko huffed, the water finding a particularly sensitive spot right at the worst time possible, making him growl through a giggle. He shut his eyes tight, “Juhust shut up.”

–

At first, his days in the air on Appa were something Zuko wasn’t sure he would ever get used to. He had to admit, it was definitely cool getting to ride a sky-bison thousands of feet in the air after he’d been told his whole life the species had gone extinct with the rest of the air-benders. There was some excitement to it the first couple rides he got to experience.

But after about the fifth time, it was really starting to get old.

“I thought I knew what boredom felt like when I was out camping with Uncle, but this is really something else,” Zuko groaned, throwing his head over the side of the saddle.

“Zukoooo, remember what I keep telling you about the positive attitude?” Aang reminded him from Appa’s head, steering the bison in what felt like the same direction for hours.

“No, he’s right. This is super boring,” Sokka whined, picking at Appa’s fur with a pout.

“Don’t you guys ever, I don’t know…play any games while you’re up here?” Zuko asked, feeling a little silly about it. Playing games was so childish, but it seemed to fit this group’s whole vibe pretty well. Couldn’t hurt to ask, right?

“Yeah we used to, until Toph took it too seriously one time and Katara banned fun,” Sokka shot a look at his sister, who scoffed at the mention.

“Um, I did not ban fun. I banned Pushies,” Katara corrected him with a squint.

“Ah, Pushies. The good ole days when having a laugh wasn’t forbidden by Her Highness,” said Toph, nearly making Katara blow a fuse.

Zuko hated to ask, but this was the most entertained he’d felt in the past two hours. With an incredulous look, he asked, “What’s Pushies?”

“It was the best,” Sokka sighed like he was daydreaming. “Toph and I would push each other back and forth until one of us got too scared and called quits.”

“Which I never did, by the way–”

“Uh, not true! You know you called quits that one time-”

“Because you nearly pushed me off Appa!”

“Not true AGAIN! You couldn’t see it, but you were totally fine-”

“Oh so because I’m blind it’s my fault they won’t let us play Pushies anymore?!”

“That’s not what I meant-!”

“GUYS!” Aang shouted, throwing a stern look over his shoulder towards the group. The pair went silent before both slouching back against the saddle. “No. Pushies.”

They both grumbled to themselves, but ultimately decided it wasn’t worth the fight. Zuko looked to the sky at their bickering, thankful his temper wasn’t like it used to be.

“Games other than Pushies exist, you know. We just have to make one up,” he suggested, sitting criss-crossed to face the group. 

“Did you play any games on that murder-ship you used to ride?” Katara asked with a tone, her mood clearly a bit dampened.

Zuko grimaced, “I was kinda too focused on capturing Aang for games back then.” Zuko sighed, throwing his head and arms back over the saddle to stare into the sky. “Forget it. Let’s just go back to sitting in silence.”

It seemed like the rest of the group agreed, because for the next few minutes that’s exactly what they did. The wind whistling in their ears was the only sound to focus on.

That is, until Zuko felt something tweak his side, making him squeak an awful sound. He whipped his head around to find everyone suspiciously not looking at him. Sokka picked at his fingers, Katara seemed a little too interested in the cloth of her dress, and Toph…well, she looked straight ahead, but that was to be expected.

Zuko fumed, “Who did that?”

Sokka looked up from his fingers, “Hm? Who did what?”

Oh, Zuko was so onto them. Pointing a finger at Sokka with a squint, “Don’t. Do it. Again.” He said sternly, before turning back around towards the sky. Zuko swore he could hear them snickering behind him, but hoped that would be the end of it.

Another minute went by with nothing, and for some reason Zuko really thought he evaded trouble with that intimidation move he pulled. Clearly he didn’t know this group well enough yet.

Another tweak to his side, this one closer to his ribs this time. Anything near his ribs always made him flinch hard, his elbow shooting down to cover the area with a giggly shout. Zuko growled when he faced them, “Seriously, who’s doing this?!” They all looked up at him like they were clueless. He’s gonna kill them. “Answer me!”

Finally, he heard Toph giggle, clearly unaffected by his little hissy fit. “It was me. Both times, actually,” she grinned, throwing a leg over her knee. “What, you gonna do something about it?”

Zuko’s jaw locked forward, feeling like he was breathing smoke out of his nose. His hands clenched beside him, telling himself it would probably not be the “right thing” throwing this twelve year old over the side of Appa.

With a grumble, he fixed his face and looked up to the sun above him. “You people are crazy.” Zuko crossed his arms and slumped against the saddle, decidedly not turning away from Toph this time. Everyone got a chuckle out of that, even Aang.

“No, I think Toph’s the crazy one,” he chuckled, smiling over his shoulder. “The rest of us are pretty normal, right?”

Zuko deadpanned Aang’s way. “No.”

Toph crawled over beside Zuko, who nearly flinched at her presence. “Lighten up, Sparky! Remember what Aang said? Positive attitude?” She accentuated Aang’s words with more tweaks to Zuko’s side, these far more ticklish now that she doesn’t have to hide it. Zuko jumped with a giggly shout, trying hard to hide his side with his elbow, but that just made Toph reach around his back to get his other side.

“Gah-! N-Nohoho!” He complained, pushing at her hands and face. “Quihit!”

“Cmooon I’m bored! This is the most entertained I’ve been in hours!” Toph tickled into Zuko’s ribs as she talked, making him fall over on his side in giggles. He kept pushing at her with his hands, but his stupid body kept betraying him, his elbows shooting down to cover the area too much to really fight back.

“Toph-! Tohohoph!” Zuko squealed, everyone around laughing at his funny noises. These people are the worst. “Gahaha! Get her ohoff mehehe!” He cackled, feeling her fingers vibrate into his ribs and stomach at the same time. Zuko’s eyes were scrunched tight in mirth, feeling silly and stupid and ticklish.

“This is too good. You sound like a girl!” Toph laughed, poking into his side like a typewriter. Zuko couldn’t stop giggling, flipping over on his stomach to crawl away (though he didn’t have much room, cramped on this stupid saddle with the rest of these freaks). He opted for crawling as close to Katara as he could get, praying she’d take pity on him and make Toph stop embarrassing him already.

Katara chuckled, “Okay, I think he’s had enough,” grabbing for Toph’s wrist (her hand still trying to worm it’s way under Zuko’s armpit) Katara pulled Toph away from Zuko as he slumped close to her side panting.

“Aweee, what?! I was just getting started!” Toph whined, making another grabbing motion in Zuko’s general direction that had him flinching with a squeak.

“You heard her, quit it!” Zuko griped, trying to silently maneuver himself as far from Toph as possible without her hearing. It was like a game of cat and mouse, Toph listening for any subtle sound Zuko made for her to launch her free arm in his direction, making him zip out of her reach before she could grab him. 

“Cut it out, this is ridiculous!” Zuko complained, getting behind Sokka and gripping his shoulders like a human shield. “Ha! How ‘bout that, shortstack?!” 

“Hey! Don’t rope me into this–AHH! NO! NONONOHohohoho!!” Sokka fell over on his side in giggles the moment Katara let go of Toph’s arm, the shorter girl launching for his sides.

“This’ll do for now!” Toph cheered, digging into Sokka’s waist with her rough fingers and making him howl. “I’ll catch you eventually, Sparky! Just wait til I’m finished with him!” she grinned wickedly, Sokka losing his mind just below her.

“But you already—! Gah, forget it,” Zuko sighed, crawling silently over beside Katara to hopefully avoid getting involved in that mess again. “She’s ruthless.”

Katara giggled, shooting Zuko a smile, “You get used to it.”

-

Zuko caught himself smiling at dinner. It was weird, usually when he smiled, it felt like an intentional move. Smiling to convince someone he’s happy, or smiling to fake innocence. But tonight…he started smiling before he even realized he was doing it.

Aang was telling some silly story from over 100 years ago, something from his childhood before all this. It was a stupid story, something Zuko would’ve found himself scoffing at if he had heard it even just a few months ago.

But things are good now. He felt good. Happiness came easy to him, like breathing or pulling fire from his hands. Zuko never thought he’d get to feel this again after everything he’d gone through, but these weirdos just had a way with him.

Something about these people, his friends, was always able to make him smile. They were annoying. They’re loud. They’re way too touchy, and always in his personal space. Like now, with Toph curled against his side as she laughed along to Aang’s story.

And yet? Zuko’s come to be okay with that. He’s come to like it about them, as crazy as it sounds. 

The fire he sat in front of now didn’t have to be a threat. It was home.

—

A/N : i was all over the place writing this LMAO hope yall like it anyways cause it was fun to write!! pls consider reblogging if u enjoyed!! <3

[sshireens]

everyone and their mother likes a tudor silhouette for the lannisters and i understand why! BUT I DISAGREE! i see your sleeves (which are BEAUTIFUL i will never argue that) and your skirts and i raise you:

insane elizabethan gaudiness. skirts that force the riff raff to Keep Their Distance! ruffs god the RUFFS! embroidered and beaded until moving becomes a workout. stiff busks and small waists (looking even smaller next to that TENT of a skirt). ribbons and pearls and lace and rubies (RUBIES! DID SOMEONE SAY RUBIES? CERSEI I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU!) are these dresses not Dripping in luxury and finery? the silhouette is just slightly absurd enough to Stand Out okay you KNOW what era this, therefore the people of westeros KNOWWWWWWW who these people are the second they see that right angle waist. plus added benefit: those bodices are probably stiff enough to stop a blade. not that i dont literally gain years on my life every time i see cersei’s cunty chest plate.

i mean (yes these are closer to costume than recreation BUT YOU GET IT OKAY YOU UNDERSTAND) its theatric its dramatic it has me looking at paintings going What is the point?????? and then i remember the point is to stop the show and draw attention and really leave a mark and is that not the lannister way? now i am known to also be a pre-tudor Plantagenet era slim silhouette yards of fabric Typical Medieval Dress fan for cersei BUT CERSEI TRANSCENDS FASHION OKAY. this is her at casterly rock. this is THE WESTERLANDS. this is who she REALLY IS. i can see it in my mind like this is a vision i KNOW it to be true

i mean come on. guys its too easy. i can see her plotting scheming in a giant skirt and a beautiful ruff. she’s analyzing the minuscule beadwork of other court dresses trying to figure out what message she’s being sent (she is not being sent one). she orders EVERY detail of her own gowns to make sure she’s communicating properly back. ladies in waiting carry their own secret messages in beads and lace and decoration and cersei feels SOOO smart because they dont even know it. she wears gold and jewels in a pattern to mimic a maesters chain because at this point she deserves one. think also how easy it is to hide poison in this shit. so many stones that could be hollow. so many layers and folds. and listen when they’re kids and she and jaime trade clothes to pretend to be each other its EVEN EASIER cause nobody knows what you actually look like in this anyway

the wedding look went crazy okay. ruffs and the fucking. peacock head thing i can’t remember the name of. embroidered lions shimmering with ruby eyes and gold thread, dress tinkling with every move because its dripping in pearls and gold and emeralds. alright this fabric is Stiff with beading and stitching and Layers. you can’t look at cersei directly because the torchlight gleams off of her like some demented early stage psychosis medieval disco ball. golden haired golden dressed golden skinned Gold Gold Gold she exudes richness and beauty and fashion. this is fucking crazy to a baratheon court. she upstages the new king. she upstages the memory of rhaella. everyone sees now that she should have been a targaryen queen. DO YOU SEE IT. like i am such a zealot for this like this is SERIOUS TO ME. red and yellow and black and red and red and yellow and GOLD and in her insane mind these are snide allusions to rhaegar and elia and robert to everyone who can see her. and to jaime. this is a lannister woman marrying in lannister colors and she fucked her twin brother That Morning. okay that is also a silly little reference she’s making. THIS WOMAN IS CRAZY SHE DESERVES THE GAUDIEST FASHION HISTORICAL RECREATIONS CAN PROVIDE!

also if it were real (it is real. im grrm.) the allusion to elizabeth i the virgin queen sole female ruler… that just makes me giggle in and of itself.

i rest my case!

[aftmostreaper]

Fiancé Ch.4

Oh god...

/this was just sitting on my drafts/

Dashing through the halls, Jett passed through many doors and corridors as she held her hand, blood seeping in-between her fingers and dripping onto the concrete floors.

Drawing a sharp breath, she turned the corner to the hall of the med bay. 

Bursting through the door without a second thought, she cried out for their healer, the tight grip on her hand not once loosening as the stinging pain throbbed once more, “Sage! I cut my hand accidentally” 

But instead of the gentle voice she was expecting, she was hit on the shoulder with a roll of gauze and one of the voices that almost everyone dreads hearing- Viper’s “You could’ve atleast  tried to stop the bleeding with something other than just your fucking hand”  whipping her around with eyes wide, she  tried to explain as calmly as she could,“I’msorryIthappenedsosuddenlyandipanickedandithurtsomuchso-” 

“You know where the sink is” Cutting her off, Viper walked back to the desk, sighing as she sat down. 

—

Time skip-

“Sooo.. uhmm.. What happened in here?” Jett asked whilst wrapping the gauze around her hand tightly as she walked towards the unconscious trio, her head tilted to the side with a brow slightly raised..

After a short pause, Viper replied, “I’m not really sure…But It had something to do with that guy over there” gesturing towards the man Chamber had brought in with him. 

Leaning down on the man, Jett took a closer look at him, “Kinda looks like that one café owner that makes great cheesecakes” picking the comment up, Viper perked up, “Elaborate”

“Well… there is this one café place that I like to go to and the owner pretty much looks like this guy here”

“Interesting…” she thought out loud

“Welp, Im off to look at phoenix doing stupid things” the wind girl hollered out before flying out of the room

—-----------------------------------

Y pov

“Welp, I'm off to look at phoenix doing stupid things” 

An unfamiliar voice rang across the vast darkness I was in.

My body felt like it was heavier than normal, but at least I had regained my consciousness. 

“How long was I out?”

My own thoughts echoed in my mind. My throat felt dry as the desert of Sahara, and my memory of why I blacked out was as blank as the white canvas in my bedroom.

With a deep breath in, I tried to open up my eyes, the blinding light from a lightbulb directly up ahead causing me to squint and throw my head to the side

The action disoriented me for a second but as the burr in my vision cleared out, I was met with the face of my beloved fiancé. A smile tugged on my lips when my eyes set upon his closed ones.

“You finally decided to get some sleep huh?”

The thought quickly passed my mind as I breathed out a contented sigh

“But.. since when was my room so bright? When did we get two beds? Has my room always smelled of disinfectant?”

Sensing the anomalies, my formerly calm brain now rushed like water in a raging river, thoughts of being kidnapped and being sacrificed to a cult's god howling like a hurricane in my mind

Without thinking twice, I quickly sat up and hurriedly whipped my head in all directions, breaths quick and eyes darting around the place to find anything that could help me identify where we were taken to. But everything was proven worthless when a wave of dizziness hit my head like a truck.

Groaning, I held a hand to my head, taking deep, shallow breaths.

“Calm down, Calm down and think.. ca-”

“Calm down L/n”  an all too familiar voice pierced through the air and into my brain. My body immediately froze up as I heard my former supervisor’s voice.

[first-son-of-finwe]

im the anon from before that asked abt whether or not feanor or nerdanel would get back together, your take has been on my mind and I really like it. In my heart I too think there's potential for them to reconcile, but how do you think at least on Feanor's part, that would happen? Would he be a completely different elf, more tempered in his pride and emotions? How does one even approach the topic of forgiveness after all that happened?? I don't know if he'd prostrate himself in repentance necessarily. Maybe they have to start over from the very beginning, and it takes a very, very long time to re-earn her trust enough to repair even a friendship. let alone a relationship. And it makes me wonder just what it would take for Nerdanel to forgive him, would she miss the man he was before the madness? They can never go back to who they were and how they were before, I don't think. Moreso that they'd both have to relearn who they are and how to be around the other person. Omg sorry for the rambling I've just never taken an interest in them like this before now cuz its SOOO conflicting as hell. And juicy with drama.

Juicy drama and conflicting as hell is correct 😅 I'm glad you're giving me more chances to explore these two. I'm gonna pen a whole damn essay here, so bear with me.

What would it take, on Fëanor's part, to reconcile? Would he have to be a completely different elf? The idea of being a 'different elf' is always interesting, so I'll bring out my headcanons on how Fëanor changes from life to death, and throughout his time in Mandos.

First and foremost, I have always seen Fëanor as someone who was tormented by his own mind. It's no secret that smarter people suffer more, and geniuses are rarely happy...so for him, his gifts were a double edged sword that gave him wonderful things, but also demanded a price. That price, often, was inner peace and emotional stability.

After a certain point in Mandos, I think he would come to understand just how hard it was, living his life with his chemically abundant, trigger-happy and constantly restless brain. He would also understand that he can accept help, that it is possible to move towards having more inner balance and peace, and this will ultimately make his experience of being conscious (I won't say alive, because, Mandos) better. It's like installing some brakes on a runaway train - you're not fundamentally changing what the train is or what it does, but you're making sure there is control, and that it doesn't veer off the rails and hurt itself and others in the process.

So in answer to this question, I think he would have to achieve a certain level of....hindsight, a deeper understanding of himself, and a willingness to bring himself into a more centred place. Over time, and in recognition of the struggles he's faced all his life and how that affected everyone around him, I think he would want to do this.

How this affects his perception of who he fundamentally is, whether or not he feels he's lost anything....that's a whole other conversation to have, and it's not one with a definitive answer.

But this is where Nerdanel can come into this.

What would it take for Nerdanel to forgive? Would she miss the man he was before the madness? Nerdanel is named 'the wise', and I believe she is empathetic by nature. If she understands all of the above, sees for herself that her husband has understood it too, and is actively moving in a different direction....then, perhaps, the topic of forgiveness can be brought up.

I should say that here all of the above is distinct from Fëanor's personality, which is fiery, bold, adventurous, passionate and stubborn by nature. He had long periods of his life where he was just happy, and I think his courtship, marriage and years with his children were the longest of these. I can't imagine that Nerdanel would not have looked back and missed those good times terribly, ached for them.

I am also slightly weak to the idea of her emotions overpowering her rational judgement a bit. Yes, she is entirely justified in denouncing him forever, in not extending any forgiveness, or even another second's thought. But she still remembers the elf she fell in love with, and goddamnit, some part of that is still there.

If Fëanor ever managed to speak to her, I think he would want to express his remorse for a lot of things. I cannot imagine that he wouldn't be pained by how much he hurt her, and how badly he messed up his marriage to someone who was his soul mate in every way. As I said in the last post, he would not necessarily be expecting any reconciliation - he would just do it in the hope that his words could give her some kind of catharsis, and relieve some of her anger. After everything, he wants to give her that at least.

From there....who knows? Perhaps they could, as you say, learn to be around each other again. A small smile here and there for an old quirk they recognise, for an old memory, for the humour they used to share that naturally emerges sometimes.

I like to think that they could make it. It may not be the same again, but a) they just can't seem to stay away, and b) it gets a little better every time.

[weasleypogues]

the new carrera (j.m.)

request: could you do one where y/n is kie’s adopted sister&hangs around the pogues? She takes a liking to jj. One day, they’re swimming at John b’s, she watches jj get out of the water. Kie says that she isn’t being discreet. He catches her gaze. Later, she goes down to the dock to help clean up. He says that he saw her watching him earlier&he asks why. She says that she likes him&he says that he likes her too. They share their first kiss&become a couple. Then it leads to something more.

i hope u enjoy this!! i actually had a lot of fun giving kie a sister but i really hope i got the timeline and everything correct! if not than we’ll just use our imagination aha

i also got very carried away so im sorry for the length of it lol

masterlist.

mike and anna carrera welcomed you into their family with open arms. after neglection from your birth parents and being taken in by the state, foster care was the only option. half way through freshman year and into sophomore year was when your foster parents mike and anna took care of you. their daughter kiara was away at something they called “kook academy”? it took you a while to figure out the slang in the outer banks but soon realized that it was almost like a boarding school for rich kids. even though she was there, you still headed to the local public high school to continue your education but you didn’t really care. all you knew was that you kept your head down and tried to blend in as much as possible. 

a part of you longed for kiara’s company to help guide the way through the social standards in the outer banks and get a first hand experience from someone your own age, but alas, you were alone. 

it didn’t take long for the state to come to the terms that mike and anna were your safest bet to a happier and fulfilling life out of foster care. this lead to your final adoption into the carrera family and you were ecstatic to say the least.

the day kiara came home was the day that the papers were signed and the only thing racking your brain was the approval of you into her family, being as she was an only child. as you walked downstairs from your bedroom to see mike and anna holding a cake with candles, you spotted kiara next to them with a wide smile and you were filled with happiness. this is all you ever wanted. 

you and kiara clicked immediately. after late night talks getting to know each other intricately, it seemed meant to be.

“why do i feel like we were meant to sisters? like obviously we aren’t blood but there has to be a reason that this happened.” kiara exclaimed one night at 3:46 am as you both laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling. your heart bursted inside of your chest and tears welled in your eyes. 

“it’s gotta be fate, kie.” you answered shortly, because if you spent any more of your breath speaking longer you were sure that a small happy sob would erupt from your mouth. you felt kie’s hand next to yours and simultaneously linked your pinky’s together as a light breeze came through her open window. the stars and moon lightly illuminated the room and this felt like an actual movie. 

you didn’t realize you would get this lucky.

the next morning kiara explained to you that she really really wanted to introduce you to the rest of the pogues. summers with them was always the best time of her life and she wanted to include you in those memories. you agreed without hesitation.

“so pack a bag and they’ll pick us up at the dock in 30!” kiara said, placing her dishes in the dishwasher and taking the last sip from her water.

“wait, do they know i’m coming?” you asked, scared that maybe you were barging in on their plans or maybe they didn’t want you coming in the first place.

“yes, (y/n)! don’t worry! you’re gonna love them.” she replied with a smile and with that, you both went to pack bags and coolers for the day on the marsh. 

you rubbed your nervously sweaty hands on the side of your shorts as you waited by the front door for kie. she walked down in a tie-dye shirt and shorts, picking up her backpack and cooler that she left packed at the bottom of the stairs.

“do you think i should be fine with wearing this?” you asked kiara nervously, comparing your outfit to hers.

“yes, (y/n/n)! don’t stress, we’re practically wearing the same thing!” she responded with a chuckle before opening up the front door. you glanced down at your white graphic tee and jean shorts with birkenstocks and let out a breath you had been holding in. you weren’t sure why you were stressing so much. was it because you were about to be faced with three random guys? or maybe they would recognize you from school and associate their thought of you with the weird quiet girl? or maybe they’re the type of people that doesn’t like a person until said person gives them a reason to like them? you blinked hard, trying to clear your thoughts of any anxious feelings and just had to prepare yourself for a good day on a boat. 

“hey boys!” kiara called out as you two walked down the wooden ramp to the boat that wasn’t stopping for you and kiara to board. if i slip and fall trying to get onto the moving boat i might just ask mike and anna to unadopt me and runaway to avoid embarrassment. 

“you got my kind of juice boxes kie?” the blonde one asked. you associated this as jj as kiara gave you a quick rundown last night of everyone’s names and personalities. she laughed and rolled her eyes at his question.

“as a matter of fact, yes i do.” kiara said as she took the blondes hand to help her onto the boat. process of elimination you knew that pope wasn’t the white guy driving the boat and you gave him a small smile and thank you as he held out a hand for you to board. 

“boys, this is my new sister, (y/n)! (y/n), these are my boys.” kiara introduced you guys, with a proud tone. before they could say anything you put your hands up to stop them.

“kie tried quizzing me last night so let me try to get this before you guys say anything. so john b, pope, and jj?” you inquired, pointing to them in the correct order as you announced their name.

“impressive.” pope said with a smile and with his eyebrows raised.

“taught her well, i see.” john b followed up, his eyes staying on the marsh.

“sooo, (y/n). what shit did kiara warn you about us?” jj asked playfully as he caught a beer bottle kiara threw towards his direction.

“uhh, you sure you guys wanna know?” you asked in a tone that would definitely put them on edge because you were messing with them. all of their faces were a mixture of being intrigued, shocked, and slightly offended at the thought that kiara only told you bad things.

“i’m joking, all the good stuff. don’t worry.” you responded, leaning back as you took a sip from your water bottle.

“so (y/n), think you can get used to our pogue life quickly?” john b asked, glancing over to you quickly and than back to the marcsh in front of him. 

“fingers crossed.” you said as you lifted your eyebrows and chuckled. your eyes followed jj’s body as he made his way to the front of the boat. groans all escaped the groups mouth besides yours as they realized what he was doing.

pope made his way to move to the back to use john b as a shield. kiara watched from her seat, almost accepting her fate.

“here we go again....” john b somewhat yelled out as the engine became louder. your eyebrows furrowed together as you watched jj lift his beer in front of his face at an angle without it touching his lips. the beer spewed out of the bottle, as he tried to aim in his mouth. this however, didn’t end well because you felt beer spill all over you and into your eyes, a slight yell coming from your mouth. 

you and kiara exchanged a glace as your eeyes were wide but you couldn’t help the smile forming on your face. both of you simultaneously looked back to john b who mouthed ‘hold on’ and you didn’t hesitate to grab onto the nearest thing that would stop you from being launched anywhere further.

john b brought the boat to a sudden halt and jj went flying into the air, a loud spalsh following, soaking you more than the beer did. the four of you laughed as you, kie and pope ran to the front of the boat to watch him emerge from the water.

“fuck you john b.” jj seemed to mutter out as he groaned. kiara made her way to john b to help him anchor the boat as pope put out his hand for jj to take. as he took his sweet time swimming back to the boat, you quickly took off your shirt and shorts, revealing your bathing suit and jumped right into the semi-cold water. the water was almost a shock to you and you quickly swam up to catch your breath. when jj hopped back on the boat was when john b and pope jumped in with excited faces right after you. 

“kie, come on! the water feels great.” you called out to your new sister. as kiara took off her shirt and shorts, ready to jump in after you, you watched jj walk right in front of her, stopping her in her path. he was saying something to her that you couldn’t make out because of john b and pope speaking right next to you and splashing, but also because you were too focused on him.

you admired the way little droplets of water rolled down his toned back or dropped from the tips of his blonde hair. you watched the way he reached into the cooler and pulled out two cans of beer and handed one to kie, and how the bracelets covering his wrists would slide slightly up and down depending on how his hand was moving. he quickly turned back around but you still didn’t feel the need to pull your eyes away from his body, subtly checking him out. 

the only thing that snapped you out of it was when jj hollered out to you three in the water. “i said that kie can only go in the water under the circumstance that she shotguns this beer with me beforehand.” and with that he caught your eyes and gave you a smirk and a wink. your face would feel hot if it wasn’t for the cold water you had submerged yourself in. you smiled and kept yourself afloat to watch them shotgun. it only took 6 seconds for them to finish the beers and the threw the cans on the floor of the boat, jumping in immediately.

the rest of the day was filled with swimming and messing around. they made you feel welcomed immediately. you didn’t feel the need to censor anything you say around them to fit in, really because they didn’t censor themselves in the first place in front of a stranger. kiara had the best friends ever and you were excited for what this would bring in the future. the next couple of hours seemed to fly by and it wasn’t long until you all sat silently, taking in the sunset as john b drove the boat back to his house. your skin felt warm although the breeze cooled you down. all the guys seemed almost eager to get off the boat to settle on steady land in john b’s house and you stayed back to walk with kiara.

“i don’t care if you are into jj or not. but if you want this to be a little secret, i would suggest not being so obvious next time.” kiara teased you as you took her hand to hop off the boat onto the dock.

“fuck, really? thats kinda embarrassing...” you replied, feeling your face get warm as you tugged at your hair at the root in deep thought. 

“just be careful with him. he’s kinda into hookup culture.” kiara responded, and you felt your heart sink slightly. you were never the one to be into just hooking up and that’s it. and if you were, you didn’t want that to happen with jj. you liked the idea of jj and thought he was fun, loyal, and spontaneous to and with his friends. you joked here and there as you and kie made your way into john b’s house, placing down your bags to relax yourselves on the couch.

although, you quickly patted down your shorts pockets and looked through your backpack. “fuck, i think i left my phone on the boat. cool if i go back to look for it?” you asked, your question really being targeted towards john b as it was his boat. john b nodded and quickly swallowed his water before waving his hand for you to go.

“here, i’ll help you go look for it.” jj said as he stood up, leaving his spot next to pope on the couch. you gave him a small smile before you both made your way out of the house and down the front stairs. your heart raced as the walk down to the boat was silent. should i say something? does he hate the silence? if he hated to the silence he could say something if we wanted to. maybe i should say something....

jj hopped onto the boat with ease and held out a hand to help you on and steady yourself which you gladly took. “what does it look like?”

“it has a clear case and it’s a white phone.” you responded, searching the back of the boat while he searched the front.

“you know....i saw you looking at me earlier after i hopped back on the boat.” jj stated, walking towards you as he waved your phone in his hands. you, maybe too quickly, shot up and looked at him before grabbing it out of his hands.

“ohh, uh, aha. you did?” you responded, feeling awkward. kie was right, you weren’t really being discreet. “it’s just that-”

“i kinda liked it.” jj spoke confidently, giving you a small smirk. you let out a deep breath and couldn’t fight back the smile you were holding back. “i think you’re really cute, y’know.”

“i gotta say the same to you, maybank.” you said, feeling this new found confidence come out of nowhere. jj didn’t hesitate leaning in and placing his lips on yours. you felt your heart flutter but kissed right back immediately. you left your left hand make it’s way to the nape of his neck while your right one rested on his chest. he held your waist and slightly pulled you closer to him, making you smile slightly into the kiss.

it felt instant but also an eternity when you two pulled away. “is this what you pogues do often? because i could get used to it.” you joked and smiled, as he rolled his eyes playfully and laughed in response.

you really could get used to him doing that.

so i didn’t wanna make them end up together bc it was so soon but im happy with that ending lol, i hope u liked it <3

[tfw-no-tennis]

ani....morphs.....

ok so picking up after the david trilogy, which hit hard as FUCK, we have book 23, which basically was a semi truck that ran over my corpse, jesus christ, they really followed up the david trilogy w/all that....

23 was so so good and also painful. its the culmination of a lot of tobias’s characterization in the series thus far and also we finally get the reveal we’ve been waiting for about elfangor....ooooh man 

and there was a lot of painful stuff in this book but the worst imo was tobias wondering if it were possible that somebody wanted him and would take care of him, only to have it all come crashing down in the worst way when it turned out aria was visser three in morph, ouch. 

that was so brutal augh. and when he figured it out and just crash landed and kept thinking about how he wanted to die and how he was stupid to think he could have a home...bro get these kids some THERAPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

so yeah that book was absolutely brutal but also so good...and it further fleshed out the animorphs working as a near-flawless team, w/the whole setup of tobias meeting w/the lawyer being so airtight and well-planned 

also more free hork bajir!! its cool that there's stuff happening w/them offscreen, I like that 

I literally had to take a break from reading the books bc the david triology + 23 was like so much, and also bc the olympics were on and all my time got dedicated to watching those, but then I opened 24, not sure what to expect, and BAM it was the helmacrons lmaoooo

I don't even remember the helmacrons but ig a lot of people hate them? lmao so that whole reputation preceded the book and I was like oh wow time for a change in tone

which wasn't wrong but also I liked that book?? I was never bored, even tho the whole thing was patently ridiculous and also had very little bearing on the overarching story

but I think it would be a standout if it were a TV episode w/a good budget - the visuals were amazing even in text, and I can imagine all the cool shrinking/growing/cellular stuff would be WICKED cool visually (ideally 2d animation but an ant man-esque live action adaptation wouldn't be terrible if they had the budget for it)

whatever let me dream. so yeah I didn't hate the helmacron book even tho the helmacrons themselves were...sure something. lmao I think they come back? that should be interesting

next book is the arctic one, we have yet another alien of the week style adventure - I liked this one too, it felt like more plot-y stuff happened since they destroyed the base, and marco’s POV is always fun 

I do find it funny/interesting how sometimes when the animorphs do something - like in this book, destroying that base in the arctic - it doesn't really seem to impact the yeerks much/it doesn't get brought up much after that. and then other things like them destroying the ground-based kandrona get mentioned a lot (that example is understandable tho bc that WAS a big deal). its just hilarious to me how blowing up entire building complexes has become so routine that it isn’t even worth mentioning at this point

Also I adore when they meet other random people/kids and are chill w/them, like w/that kid they met in the rain forest earlier on w/the time travel 

the descriptions of the brutally cold weather were great. I hate the cold so I was like oof this is a nightmare lmao

also ig that was the first ghostwritten book and I did kinda notice it was slightly different than usual? maybe? I could be imagining it tho 

okay but book 26 tho...BOOK 26. bruh 

that was SO good and I really didn’t know what to expect - but when we finally revisited Jake’s dream w/crayak I knew it was gonna be good (but I didn’t expect it to be a chess game war epic..!)

basically I loved it. SUCH a good Jake book - I really appreciate his character now as opposed to when I was 10 and often overlooked him (sorry jake).

similarly, when I was a kid and read these I sympathized a lot w/the chee and felt bad for them towards the end of the series when they had to get more involved in the war (genuinely don’t remember what they even do but ik I felt bad) 

but now I've basically 180′d and I'm like damn those chee sure are hypocrites huh. 

like they could solve So many of the animorphs problems but their stringent adherence to nonviolence leads to them actively getting in the animorphs way sometimes? and obviously pacifism is a complicated topic, but in this case it also intersect w/the whole ‘child soldier’ thing, and as beings who are insanely old and wise, the chee probably shouldn't just leave all the dirty work to a bunch of literal middle schoolers

aaaaanyways. there’s so much I love about this book. the iskoort! they were sure something. and the ‘plot twist’ that they are actually 2 beings, the Isk and the Yoort - and the Yoort are essentially Yeerks - that slapped. the symbiosis of it all! 

I loved the part where they all realize what this means, that this is why Crayak wants the iskoort destoryed - because someday the yeerks might come across them and realize parasitism is not the only way. I love it! 

alas I don’t recall the iskoort returning in the story (but also my memory is terrible so who knows?) but still that would be cool

basically I feel like this is the book where Jake Truly comes into his own as a leader, in every sense. he outmaneuvers Crayak, and even the ellimist, who’s yanking them around in his own way

the scene where jake shoves the howler off the cliff and jumps off and morphs and acquires the howler...that was fantastic and tense. 

also the murder is definitely becoming more overt. I mean, it has been for a while, but it isn’t really pointed out as much anymore. oof

more on the chee - as Jake points out in this book, and other characters point out in other books - the chee could have saved the pemalites, but instead just stood by while their creators were slaughtered. on the other hand, jake says, what do the chee do AFTER they’ve killed the howlers - where to point them next? when is the end of their violence? 

buuuuut also standing by while atrocities occur is pretty damning, as is frequently mentioned in this series - from the very beginning, when marco initially doesn’t want to get involved in the war at all, and the other animorphs basically tell him that turning his back on the war and acting like he doesn’t even know it’s happening would be immoral and cowardly (which imo this reaction helps to push marco in the direction he ends up going, but I digress) - this topic comes up again in 19 when cassie quits the team and rachel is upset bc she sees it as cassie elevating her own feelings above the greater good (as in, as long as cassie feels good about how she acts, it doesn’t matter how much preventable evil the yeerks are committing while she turns away). etc etc. but that’s essentially what’s happening w/the chee - even tho they help w/intel, the lack of any sort of Action on their part means that they’re essentially allowing awful things to happen when they could prevent them. this is rambly but basically...animorphs deals so much in grey areas, and the chee are noticeably black and white in their actions, despite falling, in a meta sense, in an extremely grey area. its such good, thought provoking writing!

anywayssss I keep talking about the chee lmao what else was there. oh YEAH jake and cassie kissed for the first time awww that was super cute 

and ofc immediately marco teases them as asks jake if he’s gonna kiss him next, and all I can say is...marco is a bicon 

also I love the background worldbuilding w/the iskoort, how they have all these groups and guilds and stuff - its not dwelled on much, which actually works really well to give the world/species a sense of lived-in realness 

okay oh man and the reveal at the end that the howlers were just like...children who thought the whole thing was a game...AUGHH man that’s sooo fucked 

like, when jake morphs the howler and has rachel ready to knock him down in grizzly morph if he gets out of control due to the howler’s murderous instincts, and he morphs to find that the howler is...playful, like a dolphin morph. SUCH a good fucked up sense of dawning horror there 

and the fact that as far as I can tell the chee KNEW this, but wanted revenge anyways, so they let the animorphs assume that the howlers were Evil On Purpose

also I love smaller moments, like jake seeing that ax is ashamed for briefly running away during one battle w/the howlers, and then entrusts him w/an important task bc he knows that ax will see that as redemption - and when everyone thought jake was dead and were so happy when he wasn't (they all love each other so much im gonna cry about these child soldiers augh)

basically that book was so good

man one thing I absolutely love is that the longer the series goes on the more obvious it is that andalites, despite inventing morphing technology, barely use it themselves 

like, most of the andalite characters we see barely morph. its kind of a last resort to them, as they’re already plenty dangerous in their regular forms 

meanwhile for the animorphs, that’s all they have to fight with. that’s their only weapons against the yeerks, and its so fun to see them use the power in so many varied ways, and so creatively, while the andalites have barely scratched the surface of their own technology

its also interesting to contrast against the yeerks who start out w/absolutely no technology, and the andalites share some but not all of their technology w/them...its too bad that morphing technology was just starting out cause that would’ve been interesting

like imo a lot of the conflict w/the yeerks could’ve been avoided if they could just nothlit into better forms - of course, there’d still be plenty of yeerks who want to go start wars or w/e, just like pretty much any species in the series, but a lot of yeerks would probably be like ‘yeah I'm good’ and just chill out as nothlits

also people online love to talk about how humans are alienfuckers and would definitely have sex w/sentient aliens and whatnot, and while I'm not saying that's untrue, its just funny bc in animorphs the truest alienfuckers are definitely the andalites

as of the hork-bajir chronicles, we now have a second instance of an andalite morphing another species to be in an inter-species alien romance (and eventually have kids) 

speaking of, I don’t think I’ve talked abt the hork bajir chronicles yet??? even tho I read it a while ago lmao 

HBC was great...I honestly haven’t really run into an animorphs book I’ve actually disliked at this point, I’m sure it’ll come w/all the ghostwriting and whatnot, but I’ve liked at least some aspects of every book

anyways HBC was great, and it’s funny bc I remember that I read this book as a kid, and yet rereading it now I didn’t remember a single bit of it lmaooo

I really liked the framing device of the free hork bajir telling this story to tobias. I also liked how we know from the beginning that this story wont have a happy ending - we know all the hork bajir end up enslaved by the yeerks, but it’s still somehow hopeful at the end? I think this is largely due to the framing device tbh. 

also I love toby, and I love that the First free hork bajir named their kid after tobias ;_; 

and oooh mannn I LOVED the different POVs from this book. all the characters were so interesting! aldrea was fascinating - I really like the increasingly negative view of the andalites that the readers are getting, all while maintaining the sense that they aren’t like, actively evil, just that they have their issues - like aldrea’s arrogance, and the general andalite arrogance which lead to the loss of the hork bajir. also, who knew andalites had their own brand of sexism? Ls

I did like getting a female andalite tho, that was cool. and dak was really cool, he was such a good, compassionate character who was able to maintain his morals in an interesting way throughout the story

and VISSER THREE...or should I say esplin 9466, because he’s not visser 3 yet...getting his ‘origin story’ was excellent - I really like how we’re learning about visser 3 backwards - we start off the series w/him as the main villain, and he’s campy and menacing, and then we see him in the andalite chronicles as a power-hungry sub-visser trying to climb the ranks and eventually getting alloran as a host, and then back even further here, w/the start of his focus on the andalites and the beginning of his ambition. its been very cool and interesting to see

plus, the beginning of the yeerks as we know them! seerow! alloran! it’s a party and nobody is having a good time, except for some of the yeerks. 

I like how it’s pretty obvious that the andalites are well-meaning with their interactions w/the yeerks, but go about it the wrong way - they give them enough technology that the yeerks realize there’s a whole world out there to experience, and then they blockade the yeerks on their planet and tell them they can’t leave. nnnnot the best approach imo

again, as I said above, I’m interested in how things could’ve gone if the andalites had given the yeerks morphing technology early on - could a lot of the conflict have been avoided, or would it have been worse? the yeerks seem pretty evil in this book, immediately jumping to enslave anyone they can. otoh we hear from esplin that not all yeerks like having host bodies, and find it overwhelming, preferring to swim around in the yeerk pool as a slug - I assume as host bodies became more available this type of thinking was probably stamped out in yeerk society or w/e, but there are a lot of interesting what-ifs in the situation 

I loved the scene where esplin first experiences having a host, and immediately knows he can’t go back. there are a bunch of great sensory descriptions, and it’s a nice scene to pinpoint as a foundational moment for the visser three in the current story, who spent a lot of time and energy getting what he sees as the best possible host body, an andalite

I find it interesting how much visser three clearly respects the andalites, even while constantly deriding them. and you can see the origins of that here as he immediately focuses in on the andalites, working to become an expert on them in order to make himself useful enough to move thru the ranks

another thing I like is how esplin seems a lot more crafty and ambitious than the visser three from modern times - I would guess that reaching his goal (andalite host body) and being given all that power was detrimental, playing on his weaknesses instead of his strengths. basically, I don’t think it’s ooc or anything, I can see how HBC-esplin became animorphs-esplin, especially w/TAC in between

as for seerow...poor dude. you really do have to feel for him, because you get the sense he really did just want to be kind to the yeerks, but it was borne from a place of pity, and he (and the other andalites) consistently held too much power over the yeerks for the species relations to ever be truly equal and functional 

AUGH I have so many thoughts about alien space politics. omg. I need to talk about the actual story lmao

so yeah I also feel for aldrea, she had a rough time, watching her entire family die and being thrown into a hopeless war

and then the andalite council or w/e not listening to her bc she's a girl AND seerow’s daughter...oof

also, I really really liked the running theme of the andalites - specifically aldrea - looking down on the hork bajir as ‘simple’ and constantly underestimating them, especially dak

and I like how this is portrayed as a bad attitude for aldrea to have, and she still remains and interesting and sympathetic character even while having obvious flaws. it’s about being 3-dimensional baby!

and oh man I love that dak realizes that aldrea looks down on him, and his entire species, but he can see that that’s how the andalites are, and it all connects back to the beginning of the story w/the yeerks, bc the andalites looked down on the yeerks and treated them with pity and kept them pinned under their proverbial thumb ‘for their own good’ and look how that turned out 

but dak is wise and kind enough to not hate aldrea for this, even acknowledging when she’s using him, but not pushing her away because he recognizes good in her too - and she ends up changing, partially because of his faith in her

and I feel like it can all be compared to that scenario of like - a hypothetical creature that lives in a 2D world suddenly being thrust into a 3D world, and comprehending what its seeing, and understanding that there’s so much more out there outside of the flat lines of its world - and then its dropped back into 2D-land with the knowledge of all the stuff its missing out on, and no way to get back to it or explain it to anybody else

I loooove that ‘trope’ or w/e you wanna call it, and it’s done beautifully here w/the yeerks - whos the say they wouldn't have been fine in their pool swimming around; as esplin said, a lot of the yeerks were terrified of having a host, it was only from the andalites’ perspective that their lives were sad and pitiful, and the andalites showed them what the world could be like, and then said ‘no, you can’t travel the stars like we do, you have to stay here on your planet and do what we say.’

and then again, w/the hork bajir - dak talks about how, even though he drinks up the knowledge that aldrea gives him, in the end it might have been better to just have lived peacefully, not knowing what was in the sky or the Deep - as aldrea says: “It was too late for Dak: he knew that the stars were not flowers.” 

plus the hork bajir having to go from a completely peaceful species who don’t even understand the concept of violence, to a bunch of soldiers fighting a war...oof 

basically everyone in this story uses the hork bajir. the yeerks use them as hosts, the andalites use their planet as a convenient place to dump seerow and then take their sweet time coming to help, and the arn created them as means to stabilize the planet, but block them off from their society and refuse to help when the yeerks come

like, the arn modifying themselves to be un-infestable by the yeerks and then being enslaved for physical labor instead? oof guys. if they had teamed up w/the hork bajir resistance things might have gone better, but probably not 

more on aldrea - throughout the story I was always thinking ‘how am I supposed to see her? as a good person, or as a bad person?’ 

as a POV character, especially a ‘good guy’ andalite, you just start off automatically thinking of her as a good person, but as the story goes on, she starts getting lost in revenge and begins using dak and the hork bajir, and you’re left wondering if this is a story about her slide into darkness, and then towards the end of the story her character development culminates in her making the decision to stay w/the hork bajir, and the be with dak, and that’s about when I went ‘ohhh right this is animorphs so every character is pretty much gonna be grey’

I feel like that moral grey-ness was on full display w/aldrea, and I really enjoyed that. I love so much when characters who are good do bad things, for good or bad reasons, especially in media like animorphs that’s aimed at kids. it’s so compelling. 

oof, and the ending when aldrea convinces dak to mobilize the hork bajir and teach them violence...and dak asks her if she’s ever killed another andalite, and she’s horrified, and says of course she hasn’t, and he says that that’s what she’s asking him, and all the hork bajir, to do - to kill their own people, even if they are being controlled by the yeerks. biiiig oof. I love that dak can keep up w/aldrea and her andalite supremacy attitude - it seems that the non-andalite characters who get along best w/the andalites are the ones who wont take their bs 

what else happened....oh my god how could I forget about alloran, and his quantum virus. oooof. I like how we find out about alloran in parallel to visser three, in the same backwards way - in animorphs he’s the tragic host of visser three, in TAC he’s the disgraced but still semi-respected war-prince who becomes the first ever andalite controller, and here he’s the guy who decides to commit some war crimes because, hey, we haven’t tried that yet 

but yeah that was fucked up, I love it. I’ve said it before I think but I like that alloran isn’t some perfect martyr tragically taken by the yeerks - it’s a lot more compelling that he’s a very flawed person who was taken as a controller partially due to his own bloodthirstiness. 

but yeah, the part where aldrea morphs alloran and ‘sneaks’ into that room was great. aldrea’s dedication to disposing of the virus is a great indicator of her character development - it really feels like the straw that broke the camels back w/re: to the andalites not being what she thought they were, w/their tardiness coming to help the hork bajir planet and the way her father was treated being the precursors to this realization. it all culminates nicely in aldrea saying ‘fuck this actually’ and nothlit-ing into a hork bajir.

and it’s really tragic but realistic that even though aldrea and dak end up seeing eye to eye at the end and getting together, the virus ends up being released anyways (and fails in its objective to stop the yeerks from using the hork bajir - the whole thing was p much a lose-lose situation oof), and aldrea and dak still die fighting a hopeless war 

but then we have the free hork bajir on earth, including toby, who, like tobias, has andalite ancestry, but no DNA to show for it - I like that they have that connection as well as tobias being her namesake

so yeah I enjoyed that one and its many-layered themes

WOW this got long uuuuuhhh ok I think i’ll leave this one off here. at the time I’m actually finishing the writing and editing, I’m on book 35 lol so I have some backlogging to do. never fear, I have a lot to say....

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 13

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: that was the easiest chapter to write so far for this story lol! PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL AFTER READING THIS!!!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : some of you really just asked exactly for what i had in mind lmao sooo spoilers! :)

Chapter 13 : His chapter

NIALL

I couldn't stop looking at Olivia the whole ride home but at the same time, I felt Heidi glance at me even if I tried to ignore her. I didn't really want my ex girlfriend to sleep home for many reasons. First off, I had to admit that I was a bit pissed by her behavior at the bar. She was drunk, I knew that, but so was I, and although i'm not the type to hold grudges or be pissed over something like that, I couldn't help it. Her words had hurt me, probably because they were true, and I realized that even if she did forgive me, she was still hurt and I couldn't blame her. The other reason was a bit wrong but I had to be honest with myself. I didn't want her around because I couldn't handle myself when she was near. I wanted to kiss her and whenever we were only the two of us, I tried to do it. However, Heidi was there and I didn't want to deal with her mood, her constant invasion of my personal space, and the fact that all I thought about was tasting the mouth of my ex girlfriend all at the same time.

When I turned the lights off, plunging the whole house into darkness, I felt something stir in my stomach at the thought of getting in bed with someone else than Liv while she was literally in the next room. It made me think of all that time I spent without her and I just sighed as I got under the covers. We used to have so many conversations late at night (or early in the morning, if you prefer) and I missed those a lot. It's not that we didn't have anything to tell each other anymore, in fact, I was pretty sure it was the opposite, but we probably just were not ready.

I lied on my back, closing my eyes as a replay for the night appeared behind my eyelids. Those questions had brought back many memories and also many other questions that I wouldn't be able to ask for a while, probably. I had noticed the atmosphere shifting from time to time, too, but the time Olivia tensed the most next to me was when Heidi arrived and I started thinking that maybe that relationship I was in didn't suit me or my life anymore. As I was thinking that, I felt a hand on my stomach and held my breath. I was still drunk and not really in the mood to be touched but it's only when her hand moved down to my cock that I grimaced, slipping my hand under the blanket to grab hers.

"Not tonight, babe, i'm super tired." I just said, pushing her hand away as she immediately brought it back. "My ex girlfriend is just in the next room."

"Come on, it's been so long." she whispered, moving closer to run her lips on my jaw and down my neck. "I miss you, don't you miss me?"

I closed my eyes and raised my nose up with a very low grunt as she pressed her palm on my boxers.

"I'm drunk, we're not alone, we shouldn't do that." I argued again, opening my eyes as she moved slightly away and ignoring her question.

I could barely see her in the darkness as she straddled me and my hands found her thighs quickly before she bent down.

"She's drunk too, so drunk she's probably asleep." she explained in a whisper. "She won't hear anything. We should totally do that. I'll be quiet and I'll do all the work."

I was starting to get excited from the contact of her body against mine and she started rubbing herself gently over me, making me groan again. I was torn, not really sure if I should go along with it or push her away one last time but I decided that I wanted it, and I didn't want to argue.

"Okay, but be quiet." I gave in. "Don't wake Liv up."

It was not so much about not waking her up, and more about her not hearing us doing something that in reality, I wanted to do with her and no one else. I was not sure why I didn't want her to hear Heidi and I have sex, it's not like she didn't know we had from time to time, or like she didn't have sex with her boyfriend also, but somehow, I felt like nothing good could come out from that. Yea, I had tried to make her jealous in the past, perhaps I even still did sometimes, but most of the time, that was not what I wanted at all. I never thought making someone jealous could bring them close to you. In fact, most of the time, I thought it was the perfect way to push them away, and pushing Olivia away was the last thing I wanted.

Feeling Heidi pull my boxers down took me out of my thoughts and I realized she was already naked. She took one of my hands and brought it up, brushing my fingers on her skin and when she sat on my dick, it made me realize I was already hard. I tried to relax, squirming slightly on the mattress to get in a better position, and closed my eyes, letting my hands rest on her thighs as she started moving over me. It made me think of the last time I got a proper release by myself and I held my breath. I could still feel the stream from the shower falling on my head and the water run down my face as I kept jerking off. It hadn't taken my too long to cum that time but I was not sure it would be the same thing tonight. Since when was masturbation better than sex? Perhaps it was only because of the alcohol and tiredness but I doubted it and pushed away that thought.

The first time Heidi whimpered, I let it go but the second time, she did it a bit louder and I opened my eyes, raising my eyebrows. I could see her a bit better in the darkness now and I noticed her parted lips and closed eyes as she moved over me. It was hot, I knew it was, but I couldn't seem to focus on that.

"Shh." I just said very low as she pretended not to hear.

I waited a few more seconds and this time, she moaned even louder as her movements became quicker. I brought my hand up, pushing my fingers very slightly over her mouth but somehow, it made her moan again. I felt something twist in my chest and took my hand back, hoping she was done but instead, she did the opposite.

"Oh, fuck, Niall!"

I gripped her hips to stop her from moving and her eyes finally met mine as I shook my head, making her frown.

"What are you doing? I said be quiet!"

She smirked and bent down to press her lips on mine but I didn't answer the kiss. I just couldn't. I was getting annoyed and I felt like she knew exactly what she was doing.

"Don't be like that." she replied, sitting up again before moving her hips more, grinding against me. "I know you love that, I can feel it."

I didn't answer and she started fucking herself over me again and this time, the moan she let out, followed by my name, made my heart jump in my chest. There was no way this hadn't woken Olivia up. Swiftly, I gripped her waist again and turned her around to lay her back on the mattress. It felt like a relief when my cock was free again and I moved closer to her face with a frown.

"It's not funny!" I let out right before we both heard a loud 'bang'. "Fuck!"

Quickly, I pushed the covers off of me and pulled my boxers up before rushing out of my room. The guest room's door was wide open and the room itself was empty. I just walked by it and reached the front door quickly, opening it as my head moved in all directions, my eyes scanning around. She was gone, there was no doubt about it, and I suddenly felt of the verge of tears. I was not sure if it was out of pain or out of rage but I rubbed my eyes quickly and turned around, slamming the door and making a loud noise again just as Heidi appeared, wearing my shirt. The sight made me even angrier and I brought my thumb and forefinger on my eyes, pushing slightly on them with a groan.

"You fucking did this on purpose!" I yelled, shaking my head. "Why the fuck did you do that?"

"Excuse me? You were there too, remember?"

How was I supposed to tell my girlfriend that I knew she did that only to hurt Olivia and that it pissed me off so bad I wanted to grab my stuff and go, leaving her alone in my own house? I shook my head again, trying to calm myself down, slipping my fingers in my hair and gripping it tightly. What was I supposed to do? Run after her? Call her?

I groaned without an other word and walked to my room, grabbing my phone, a pillow and pulling on a blanket roughly before getting back in the living room. Heidi stared at me the whole time and after I was laying down and motionless, she sighed loud.

"Fine, be like that." she just replied. "Goodnight."

I let the air out of my lungs only when I heard the door of the room close but even after what seemed like an hour, I still couldn't fall asleep. I couldn't push the guilt and the anger away and I couldn't help but wonder where Olivia was and how she was feeling. I took my phone and stared at our conversation until the screen turned off again and sighed, putting it away. It was too late to text her and I also needed to give her some time to cool down but it was a challenge not to try to communicate with her and I was not sure if I should wait until she reached out to me. After an other hour, or at least that's what it felt like, I got up and walked back into the guest room, closing the door behind myself and sitting down on the bed. I frowned when I noticed something on the floor and bent down to grab it. It took me a few seconds to realize it was a skirt and my eyes dropped to the floor again, noticing her shirt and a pair of panties. I took every piece of clothing I found and put it on the night stand before laying down in bed, wrapping the blankets over me. I kept glancing at the panties on top of them and without thinking, I grabbed them, opened the drawer and put them in. I felt my head throb and finally chuckled at how stupid I was before turning back and try to get into a comfortable position.

My heart skipped a beat when I realized the pillow smelled like her and I pressed my lips together. She stayed in bed for what? Half an hour, maybe? And the sheets already smelled like her? Someone was clearly up to torture me and I pressed my face in the pillow, inhaling again but making sure I didn't exhale too much, not wanting to alter the scent. I couldn't stop thinking about her panties in the drawer, as if she had left them on the floor to tease me, even if I knew it was clearly not the case, and I remembered that I was actually having sex not so long ago and didn't really have time to get an orgasm. I held my breath at the thought that had flashed in my mind and shut my eyes tight. No, I couldn't do that. I couldn't just jerk myself off again to the thought of my ex girlfriend, it was getting a bit ridiculous and I just groaned low, turning around in bed and grabbing the pillow to hold it against me. I would never get over that scent. Honey and vanilla. Nothing else smelled like her. No one else was her.

                                                        ---

I spent the whole next day waiting for Olivia to message me or call me, if only to get her clothes back or something like that. I barely talked to Heidi and somewhere in the middle of the afternoon, she had left, taking a heavy load off my shoulders. It was easier to think when I was alone and I ended up eating dinner by myself while watching tv. Around 9pm, however, I was starting to feel like shit, and also a bit angry. It was a different angry than the night before but I didn't understand why she didn't even try to message me. Why was she giving me the silent treatment? Did she think I should be the one calling her first, even if she was the one who left my place in the middle of the night?

On an impulse, I almost jumped off my couch and walked back to the guest room, taking her skirt and her shirt to bring them back to her. I put them in a random bag, grabbed my phone and keys and drove until her place, glancing from time to time at the bag on the passenger's seat, wondering if I should have brought the panties too or not.

When I got out of my car, I noticed Louis' car was not there and turned my key chain on my fingers before pushing it in the pockets of my shorts and walked quickly to the door, ringing the bell. I heard a loud noise and a curse word and my lips curled despite myself at how clumsy she was. She had probably bumped into something and my theory ended up being right when I noticed she was rubbing her arm when she opened the door. Her facial expression changed and her lips parted as I glanced at them.

"Hey, can I come in?"

She breathed in and licked her lips, shaking her head slightly.

"I don't know, Niall."

"Please?"

After a few seconds, she just sighed and nodded, moving away to let me inside. I stepped in and turned around just as she was closing the door and when she stood in front of me, I handed her the bag.

"You forgot this last night."

She took the bag gently and looked inside before her eyes met mine again. She seemed uncomfortable and I was not sure why so I just stood there and waited. She put the bag on the couch and I couldn't help but follow her as she remained silent. I had so many things to tell her, so many questions to ask, and I swallowed hard as she tried to avoid my eyes.

"Why did you leave in the middle of the night?"

Her head snapped up and the anger I saw in her eyes made my heart jump in my chest. She frowned and her lips parted again but it took her a few seconds to answer. She scoffed and rolled her eyes before rubbing both her hands on her face.

"Are you serious? Are you really asking me that?" she let out rudly, taking a step closer to me but continued talking when she saw I wouldn't answer. "You were.. having sex with her! In the room right next to mine! You were... and she was... moaning and..."

She stopped talking and turned around but I could swear I had seen her face twist into a painful expression. I quickly walked to her and put my hand on her back but she turned back to me, pushing my arm away.

"Don't fucking touch me!" she screamed as I took a step back. "You were having sex with her! While I was... Do you fucking know that I heard it? I heard her and I heard you and, I had all these fucking images in my head..."

She seemed on the verge of tears and my heart jumped in my chest, forcing me to swallow. I had guessed that she had heard, of course, but I didn't know if it was because she was hurt or angry and apparently, it was both. I suddenly felt even closer to her knowing that we both felt the same thing at the same time. I was hurt too. I had been hurt ever since I found out she was marrying an other man and at the same time, I was angry, even if I felt like I had no right to be.

"She's... my girlfriend." I let out stupidly, regretting it immediately. "I'm sorry you heard I mean..."

"She did that on fucking purpose! She invited me to sleep at your place just so she could prove to me that you were hers, that you belonged to her, and that you were fucking horny for her!" she yelled again as I noticed she was tearing up. "But the worst is that you actually went along with it! You could have said no, you could have pushed her away! But you had to do it didn't you? You had to show me how happy you are without me! How much you love her and not me! You had to fucking rub my face into it the same fucking way you did with all the fucking girls you shagged when we were teens!"

I had no idea how she had reached to that conclusion but it made me frown and I shook my head quickly.

"What? No!" I argued. "Liv I didn't know you loved me back then and I never rubbed anything in your face!"

"Leave, Niall!"

She threw her hand in the air and rushed to the hall. I heard the bathroom door close and lock roughly without having time to react and I closed my eyes with a sigh. She probably had given a lot of thoughts to all of this, just like I had the night before and the thoughts in her head didn't make any sense anymore. I walked slowly to the bathroom and leaned my forehead against the door, my palm pressing against the wood.

"Olivia, please, petal." I let out in a soft tone after a few minutes. "Open up, we need to talk."

I could hear her sob on the other side of the door and it hurt me more than I could explain. I just wanted to take her in my arms and hug her close until she'd feel better but I couldn't and I breathed in again.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia." I apologized in a whisper. "I promise I didn't want to hurt you. I promise I didn't do that spitefully, or to show you anything. I didn't even want to do it but she insisted and I was drunk, and tired, and I thought it would... I didn't want to argue so I sort of... let her.."

I sighed again, realizing how stupid my words sounded despite the fact that they we true and she didn't answer. After a few more minutes, I sat down and leaned the back of my head against the door. I was determined to stay there until she'd get out and I just brought my knees up and closed my eyes.

"Do you remember that time we had sex at Louis' while there was a party downstairs?" I let out low, feeling my heart skip a beat at the memory. "Our first time next to the Christmas tree. That time we just fucked in the staircase after one of my radio interviews. I think about the sex we had on a regular basis. No other girl do it like you. I tried to find that kind of sex after I broke up with you but, nothing compared. And now you're giving that kind of sex to your boyfriend instead."

Silence.

"Having sex with Heidi feels like having sex with Maya. Or having sex with pretty much any other girl I randomly met or whatever. It feels drab. I mean yea, the release is good, but the whole process only feels like a way to reach a peak. With you, it was different. The whole time was good. Everything was exciting, from the first touch to the last. I'm not gonna get that with anyone else." I sighed and passed my hand in my hair. "I miss you."

I held my breath when I heard the lock and quickly, I got up, waiting impatiently to see her face again. She appeared, her eyes red from crying. She was looking up at me through her eyelashes and I felt like shit for making her so sad. Her lips parted and I held my breath, waiting to hear her voice.

"Maybe it was a bad idea to get back in each other's life, Niall." she just said, walking past me, going along the hall.

I was shocked by her words. It was not at all what I had expected and my eyes opened wide before I frowned.

"It was not a bad idea. Olivia, it was a great idea!" I argued, shaking my head as she stopped, turning around to face me again. "Didn't you listen to what I said?"

"Oh I did." she replied quickly. "I understand that you lust me, for a reason I don't get. Or that... you want me to a certain extent. I get it, Niall."

"No you don't." I let out stoically. "I need you, Olivia. In my life. I need you."

"You've been away from me for over a year Niall I mean," she sighed and threw her arms limply up before letting them fall back on her sides. "Why are you trying to save this friendship?"

I felt the words stuck in my throat and I knew they wanted to get out. I swallowed but it was so hard that it started hurting physically.

"Because, okay!" my voice was louder and impatient and I rubbed my eyes quickly.

"Because what!?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU OKAY!?"

Her jaw dropped, her pretty thin lips parting in surprise, and all I could hear was the thumping of my heart hitting the inside of my chest and asking to escape. She was there, in front of me after so long, and I finally admitted to her that I still loved her.

"You..."

"I love you Olivia! I never stopped! Not a fucking second!" I added a bit lower. "I loved you when I was with other girls, I loved you when I was traveling around the world, and I loved you when I was home alone. I love you and I can't fucking get you out of my head. I think of you when I wake up and before I fall asleep. For fuck's sake I dream about you all the fucking time!"

I watched her as she teared up and pressed her lips together, trying not to sob. She brought her hand over her mouth for a few seconds, her eyes never leaving mine, and I just waited, motionless, standing in front of her.

"Real love?" her voice was soft and unsure and my heart seemed to relax for a few seconds.

"Real love." I nodded slowly. "You're everything to me."

I didn't see it coming but suddenly, she rushed to me and got on her tiptoes, slipping her hand behind my neck and pulling my face close to hers. When her lips crashed against mine, I felt something explode inside my chest, like it was the accomplishment of a lifetime, like everything I had lived in the past year was worth it just to get this specific moment, like my life finally made sense. My hands found her waist and I pulled her closer, her body flush against mine, and I finally deepened the kiss. It was a bit raw but the taste of her mouth after so long was so good I never wanted her to pull away. Her lips glided on mine easily and I wrapped my arms tight around her body to keep her close. Her lips remained against mine when we finally stopped kissing and I kept my eyes closed, trying to live this moment completely before whispering again.

"Real love."

[newyorkcittysworld]

Part 2 of uhh I'm gunna call it: Sugarbaby!peter (bc I'm basic)

Peter ran into his dorm room,threw all his belongings on his bed and swiveled in his chair to his laptop. He opened it and began transferring all the notes he took. After a while of doing work and analyzing tony's, he couldn't help but notice the folded up piece of paper with tonys number on it he kept trying to distract himself, tony did say not too blow up his phone he decided he at least needed a reason to text him. Peter was looking back at tonys work when his phone caught him off guard. His heart was beating as he prayed it was tony but sadly no,

*new message from aunt may: hey petey pie! Please take the chicken out the freezer. How'd the stark interview go today*

He unlocked his phone and replied  *no problem, it went great! So dreamy up close*

His aunt knew about his bisexuality and encouraged it so this lighthearted joking was not only normal but expected. May was young and progressive and didn't mind at all. *haha I better not catch you in his suit pete!* peter sent back hurts and got back too tony's work, he can't lie it would be pretty cool to ride in tony's car, wearing high end clothes and tony having peter living the lavish lifestyle, completely opposite from his own. He didn't care for material things but like any normal person he dreamed of doing it big. Hours passed as peter looked at tony’s work . ugh it was flawless no questions needed. He considered playing dumb but he didn't want the possibility of tony mocking him. He figured he could try to add comments or upgrades and could ask for tonys help on that, he smiled and started getting too work when a facetime ring interrupted his train of thought. Eh it's probably ned he said picking up without looking.his face went red when he saw tony on his screen looking back at him from a bad angle. (well let's be honest there i no bad angle but imagine looking down at your phone and facetiming someone). “H-hello Mr.Stark!! Wh- what's going on” peter choked out in a squeaky voice. He tried to sound as chill as possible. “Hey kid i need you for something but i can't tell you what, you'd say no, you down?” peters swore he was gonna pass out but held it together “where are we going is i-” he was cut off by tony “ ahh no questions im afraid it would give hints just let me know can you meet me on 45th and lex? In about an hour?” tony smirked, he saw how red the kids face was and he knows damn well that twink doesnt do exercise. Peter hesitated for a moment but figured even if tony straight up killed him, he'd say thank you in the afterlife “sure thing, do i need to change?” he panned the camera down at what he was wearing being very stealthy about moving around his crotch area which would give away his current state.”there goes the questions again but i'll see you there kid” the phone hung up before he could even ask his question again. Oh well as far as he knows he gets too see stark again and that's the only thing he's focused on

Peter arrived slightly early at the exact location tony told him too in order to insure the older man wouldn't leave him there. He was standing there in the nicest clothes he had (to be fair it was from old navy it looked pretty clean) he heard a car blasting ac/dc through his ear buds but thought nothing of it ‘just regular nyc’ he thought to himself. That was until the bright yellow car pulled up next to him honking, it was tony in a nice lo rider. Peter nearly nutted on the spot. Tony looked amazing, his hair was slicked back clean, his expensive color tinted glasses matching with his three piece suit that was probably worth more than his apartment, his legs froze as he waved nervously, tony lowered the music to talk too him. “Hey!! Hop in i got a suit for you in the back” peter could feel himself swooning so he quickly walked too the car and reached for the handle to open it. Tony shot out of the car and ran around the other side and opened the door for him. Peter wasn't quite sure how much of this he could take. He sat down on the expensive leather and saw a long black coat bag and stood as still as possible as tony closed the door for him, anxiety making it difficult to be comfortable. “Am i allowed to ask where we are going Mr.Stark?” peter said trying to take his eyes off of the other man and just trying to sneak quick looks.his heart was beating he really didn't know what to expect “Fine fine turns out i need a date too this really boring and expensive event” the older man leaned back in his chair taking long looks at peter at stop lights. “And you chose me because???”  peter said generally shocked and lowkey fiddling with all the expensive material, everything just felt lavish. “Well you like boring stuff and your cute,and you where fresh in my memory your smart.i need someone like that next to me so i look good” tony smirked knowing damn well peter is melting right now. “Sooo im your arm candy?” he choked out smiling widely not even trying to hide it “essentially, that's why i brought the suit. No offense that uhh no brand cardigan is,nice but unfortunately it's not in the dress code” peter was so over the moon , he drew his attention too the coat bag with a big tom ford logo on it. Peter was living out his teenage fantasy, the only difference was he wasn't wrapped around tony's arm holding one hand that slumped over him while the other drove.

He quickly snapped his head up when the car stopped moving after a while. “Ok we're here you can change before we go into the main hall there's a bathroom right on your left” peter nodded and got out of the car walking next to his date trying his best to contain his excitement and not geek out in front of stark, pete did as the man said and changed into a nice burgundy suit, the material was orgasmic and he had too admit he looked sharp, and tony thought so too, he was smiling watching the (somehow)smaller man come out holding his arm out, peter walked up to him handing his clothes too another one (of what seemed like endless) assistants. “Ok so here's the catch” tony whispered faking smiles and waves too look natural as he spoke.”your gonna actually pretend to be my boyfriend and i'll give you $7,000 for compensation” he gave peter a smile as he turned around to greet some mit students. Tonys words had peter nearly spinning, "relax i'm not gonna make you sleep with me” tony whispered seeing how red peter was, his heart was racing so fast he couldn't bring himself to say any words but tried to signal tony he was completely okay with this idea and has been fantasizing about it for what seemed decades, he stood next to tony while he spoke giving off small waves at the people staring at him. He wrapped his arm around stark and stood up tall.

The kids dispersed which left the two of them walking around in silence.”bold of you to assume i don't WANT to sleep with you” the doe eyed boy whispered under his breath with a smirk.stark looked at him with a puzzled look on his face “what kid?” he said acting clueless knowing damn well what he said (which is all the proof he needed to know peter was into him as if it wasn't obvious enough) the ‘kid’ (who is 23) shot up as his cheeks went red “n nothing Mr.Stark!! J-just a uh self reminder” *wow peter really good excuse* he thought to himself smiling nervously. Tony smiled and pulled peter in for a half hug as he saw a photographer approaching. “the talking of boring science*ahem* future technology should start soon,you need anything kid?” he looked down at the man on his arm “n-not to take advantage, but you think we could grab like fries? Maybe just a quick burger” he looked up at stark with puppy eyes. Tony scoffed sarcastically  “i won't let you spoil your stomach with that garbage “ and in the snap of his fingers three different waiters with trays approached him. “Go ahead kid don't be shy” peter was most definitely shy but starks words encouraged him,this was very different for parker, usually he's the one giving out the fancy trays but now he's on the flip side. He plucked out some fancy meats moaning at the flavor..this was all very new for him but he'd be lying if he said he couldn't get used too this./ the meeting began and the two took their seats peter being daring and resting his head on tonys shoulder, the lecture was actually pretty interesting he found himself taking notes on his phone and sneaking in pictures of him laying against tony, which was easy since tony knocked out after the first ten minutes.

After what seemed like years,Tony startled awake eyes opening wide only too see that they were still at the conference he let out a groan as he saw peter standing above him.”hey uh mr stark, everyone's leaving im sorry! Should i carry you out or” he was so cute when he gets all pent up like this “you couldn't lift me if you tried but come on let's get out of here” tony chuckled. Standing up and exiting with peter “Mr.Stark i saw some ladys taking pictures so i put your glasses on, ya know so you don't look bad?” tony touched his face and realized there was indeed glasses on his face”huh that would explain why everything is a light brown color, thought i was just hungover” peter giggled at the taller man's response. They walked to the car arm in arm as reporters were standing around his car.”no time for questions i'm tired” tony said, once again opening the door for peter who couldn't help but nervously laugh through the second hand anxiety. They drove off it was getting kind of late,

            But peter didn't want this too end.

[soldierkeeponmarchingon]

Aftermath

authors note: this was something my friend wanted me to do and I love her for it. its probably incredibly ooc but it was a nice side project for the bigger things im working on

Warnings: panic attacks and dissociation written from personal experience, rly shitty angst, shitty in general, done on mobile for the majority sooo

Word count: 1k+

tags: @derpydanandphil

Please let me know if you would like to be tagged!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He remembered so vividly..  Having left him.

"Markus, there's nothing we can do! We can't take the risk!"

He remembered being handed a gun, and the intention behind it making him sick. He remembered looking into blue eyes filled with anguish and dread.

"Simon.."

"I-it's okay, Markus. Just- just get it over with,"

His hand shook, the gun weighing heavy in his hand as he tried to lift it to aim at his.. his-

"No! No.. I won't... I.."  I can't...

He fell to his knees in front of Simon and forced himself to look up. They stared at one another for a moment before Markus was pulling the fatally damaged deviant to his chest for a long and heartbreaking moment. The gun was discarded to his side. The pair took in the presence of each other for a moment longer before the latter pulled back ever so slightly to press his lips to the former's hairline. He pulled the rest of the way back, reaching for the gun to hand to Simon as a knowing look passed between them. Knowing that he probably won't come back. Knowing that he may have to end his own life… Knowing that they were more than just friends. Knowing that Markus was trying so hard not to fall apart.

"Be strong, Simon." He heard North address him distantly but his eyes were trained on the ground. He wanted the color of icy-violet to be his last memory of him. Not crumpled and slowly dying in the snow.

So yes, the fact that the boy was standing right before him during his never-ending mourning was quite heart stopping.

"Simon…?"

"Hey.."

Suddenly there was this huge weight that Markus felt lifting from his shoulders. He hadn't realized it was even there. His LED burned like a yellow flame whilst Simons was a feeble red, quivering with anxiety. Anxieties that elevated as Markus stepped closer, they were quickly dispelled as he felt arms close around him. He returned the embrace and didn't hesitate for a moment to bury his head into Markus' neck.

The hug started gentle but quickly escalated into something more desperate and passionate. Fabric was balled up under Simons' hands and he pressed himself farther into Markus as if trying to completely block out the rest of the world. Markus was squeezing him to death in waves upon waves of protectiveness and relief and pure love that Simon could practically feel it radiating. Skip to only moments later and He can feel the skin beneath his face turn damp and he pulled back a bit.

"S-sorry-"

"Sh-sh-shhh, it's okay... I-it's okay,"

At the comment and the warm hand tracing patterns into his back he only cried harder. His body shook and his chest hurt from the little air making it to his artificial lungs. He didn't necessarily need it to breathe but, it maintained his comfortable temperature and without it, his stress levels rose dramatically. He could feel himself overheating and his head grew fuzzy. It got worse when the arms he was depending on to keep him safe began to pull away. He was hyperventilating.

"H-hey, Simon? It's alright... it's okay.. everything's fine, see? Hey look at me,"

Simon lifted his too-heavy head to look up at Markus' mismatched eyes.

"Your safe.. everything is gonna be okay" Simon nodded vigorously, eyes shutting tight and trying to get himself to calm down but to no avail. The hand that appeared on his cheek was frightening but they way it held his face made him feel just a bit better. Despite the available grounding points around him, he could feel himself slipping away with each passing moment, drifting farther and farther into the clouds. He ignored the body on the ground that was being held by the other in an attempt at comfort. He ignored the other body shaking his companion on the concrete far, far below. He just let himself float into oblivion as the body on the ground sat pale and numb and still struggling to breathe. Alive but not willing to live.

"S-Simon? What's wrong? C'mon, can you hear me?"

The voice threatened to pull him crashing back down and he let out a whimper. He wanted to stay floating, forever disassociating from the world that has caused him so much pain.

"Simon, can you hear me?"

He wanted to pull away but he knew that alone would call him back.

"I know you're scared, but I'm right here!"

He didn't want to be hurt but, that voice was stabbing him in the heart even in his numb space. His intense breathing became louder and louder as he felt himself coming down from his deadly high.

"Please say something!"

Markus didn't quite understand what was going on, all he knew was that Simon was hurting and he was trying desperately to fix it. He didn't understand panic attacks, despite his deviancy he still had plenty to learn. He reached out to stroke a thumb across his cheek when the eyes of the other snapped open.  "Mar-Markus?"

"Hey, hey buddy, it's alright. You with me?" A nod. More sharp intakes of breath and small mumbles in between. "Can I hold you?"

"N-no! No.. I-no.."

"That's alright," it hurt, but he didn't want to make it worse. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I don't- I don't know! I don't know what's going on-I don't like it!" He was far past hysterics and it was scaring the pair out of their minds.

"Can.. can you tell me our friend's names?" He hoped Simon would be desperate enough not to ask why, because Markus figured that maybe giving him something to focus on would distract him from whatever had triggered.. this.

"U-um... You, Josh-Josh, North… m-me"

"Yeah, good. Now, can you tell me when I found Jericho?"

"That was.. three- three and a half- a month ago? I-I think,"

"Mhm, you're right. Can you tell me what your favorite thing is? It can be anything,"

"My fav- favorite thing? I-" pause to cough " I like to sing.. with you and- and look at stars w-with you and.." At this point, he had calmed down considerably without fully realizing. Though whatever he was about to say next sent a few more shaking breaths and he covered his face in his hands.

"Hey, Si.. don't get yourself worked up again.." He took in a small puff of air and pulled crystal doe-eyes back to Markus. "That's better, right? Can- Do you want a hug?" Simon nodded and let himself be held. He melted into Markus' side and sighed heavily. His synthetic eyelids dropped and he dimly noticed a little notification in his peripheral, telling him that sleep-mode was imminent. He tucked into Markus' shirt and slipped away to a far more peaceful place, in the arms of someone he loved.

Markus rested his chin on Simons fluffy blonde hair and found his own artificial body aching for rest. Careful not to wake him, he heaved him and Simon off the ground to head back to what the survivors had dubbed ‘New Jericho'. Markus had an apartment at the very start of the town and that's where he was heading now, somewhere warm where he could ensure Simon's safety. He paused at the door for a moment to figure out a way to open it, then headed straight for his bedroom. rA9 forbid he make the poor boy sleep on the couch.

"Mmph... Markus..?" Shit. So much for not waking him...

"Shhhh, go back to sleep,"

"Where are we?"

"My house, try an' get some more sleep okay? Do..do you want me to sleep in the other room?"

"..No! U-um... Can.. can you stay? Please?" Markus didn't need to be told twice as he slipped into bed beside Simon.. who was shivering.

"Do you want me to turn the heat up?"

"Uhm…" He blushed and looked away but Markus just smiled fondly.

"C'mere," He inched closer to tuck him back into his arms, burying his face in soft, sand-colored hair. He heard the other sigh with contentment and decided that everything was alright, at least for the time being. They mumbled their goodnights and I love you as they fell into a comfortable sleep, knowing full well that tomorrow was going to be a whole ordeal of confusing feelings.

But that's a story for another time...

[blackirisposts]

Not So Secret Common Room Conversations

Summary: Clint picks up where Natasha left off, to no avail. Bruce knows more then he'll say. Darcy's thrown in the middle of it. And Bucky is, well, Bucky.

Word Count: 769

One Shot Notes / Warnings: Un-beta’d, fluff; you’ve been warned. 

“Oh, come on. You can’t tell me I’m wrong. Not about this.”

“I’m staying out of it, Barton.”

“Seriously, though. She’s a sassy brunette. Everyone KNOWS Cap’s into the sassy brunettes. She’s perfect for him.”

“Nope.” Bruce ineloquently replies, raising his hands. “I’m staying out of it. If he wants that, it’ll.. Besides, how do you know she’s not already–”

“While she is sassy; spitfire’s more accurate.”

“Shit Barnes! You need to wear a bell!” Barton gapes from his perch atop the fridge. “You and Nat do that creepy ‘silent as the grave’ walk far too well.”

Bucky shrugs it off; it was somewhat of a compliment coming from him.

“At least ‘m not talking about trying to secretly set people up in the Common Room. And Doc’s gotta point. You don’t know if she’s even gonna like ‘im like that.” He gives Barton a chance to mull it over as he demolishes an apple from the bowl on the counter. He snickers at the apple slightly, because of the memory of Darcy screaming, ‘They’re not just there for show! You’re supposed to eat them!’ She’s always trying to get the more sciency types to eat and was hoping that fresh produce might draw their eyes and stomachs. So far it only had worked for Banner (and himself.)

Barton narrows his gaze trying to decipher the other two men in the room when he’s pulled from his thoughts.

“Who’s not gonna like who like what?” Darcy interrupts with her head cocked to the side as she enters the common room.

“Hawk’s trying ta set up Steve again.” Bucky simply states.

“Aw. And who’s the ‘lucky’ girl now?” Darcy croons.

He rolls his eyes over dramatically, Barton replies. “You.”

“Hey now. Why are you trying to involve me in this? And really Buck-o? You’re in on this now too? And here I thought I should expect better of you.”

“This is one conspiracy that I’m not involved in. I’m simply here t’watch it fall apart again.” Bucky smirked in reply.

“Again? Is this a pass time of yours to watch Steve’s dating life or lack thereof flounder by? ..Ok.. Stupid question...Hey! Has someone been eating the apples?! Aww, you guys are growing up!” She sneered. “Now do me and yourselves a favor and leave me outta Steve’s love life. It’s not that I don’t love the guy, but come on, that would SO not work, like, at all.”

“Ah, so you’re magically out of the running for a spot to be America Boy’s girlfriend cuz it “would SO not work”?” taunts Barton.

“Yeah, I do not want to pass go, do not want the two hundy sticks either.” Darcy deadpans in reply.

“Damn, can’t even bribe you into thinking about it? Maybe I’ll just resort to talking Nat into talking you into it.”

“Pshh, like you could talk her into anything.”

At this Bucky chuckles again. “See, fallin’ apart. Again.”

Bruce rolls his eyes and grips his tea a little less as the conversation seems to falter.

“Anyways, the real reason I’m here.. You’re late for your P.R. meeting or really, you’re purposefully trying to not have a P.R. meeting. Son of Coul sent me out to find you mister.” Darcy says mater-of-factly as she pokes Bucky in the arm. The right arm, she’s learned long ago to avoid his left side when trying to get his attention.

“Purposefully trying, huh? Do I really need ta be there then?”

“Evidently, soldier. Now buck up and get a move on!” She giggled, unashamedly. “Otherwise I’ll be tempted to try out my newly improved taser courtesy of a sleep deprived Iron Man, and 'Hawk' here’ll have to drag your sorry ass to the meeting.”

Shaking his head with an evident smirk, Bucky gets up from his seat at the table with a sigh.

“Which way is it? Since I take it they don’t trust me ta get there on my own now.”

“Floor 35, just past – Ophfffff!” He not so subtly, though effortlessly picks her up and drapes her over his right shoulder. “Really!? Really Barnes? Is that how it is?”

“That’s how it is doll.” He replies with a smirk that no one can see but everyone can hear as he walks down the hall towards the elevator.

A small smile starts to tug at Banner’s mouth as the two disappear down the hall. He tries to hide it with his tea.

“Sooo, that’s why you’re staying out of it.” Barton murmurs almost to himself with his head tilted to the side. “Wonder why Nat never told me..”

[itdisneymatter]

Day 02 - Epcot

TLDR: Epcot. A slightly later start today though a pretty full and non stop day once we began. Spaceship Earth up first, squeezed into the Ellen's Energy Adventure, then Test Track with a touch of competitive spirit. Living with the Land, Circle of Life and then Soarin’ in quick succession. Finished off with the new ride - Frozen Ever After and decided to skip out on World Showcase in favour of heading straight to Miller's Alehouse for my first proper meal of the trip. Walmart, then home, early (earlier).

The future is what you make it!

Sooo Robert had been unimpressed by the shops we had visited to far, mainly because they didn’t stock Pokemon cards. With the thunderstorms last night, we promised we visit Walmart first thing, which we did prior to picking up my Mum & Dad for Epcot. That meant skipping breakfast. Again. Picked up a wee rucksack so we could carry around all our rain jackets and little extras. Robert got his Pokemon cards and Gracie managed to find yet another collectable in the form of Hatchimal miniatures. Patrick and I had been speaking prior to the holiday about another card collection called Magic: The Gathering, but neither me nor him knew much about them. He picked up a starter pack to have a look. As someone who like his RPG and Fantasy things, I was a little intrigued. I dont think it will take Patrick long to become an expert.

Swung back around to pick up my Mum and Dad who were waiting for us at their Hotel with coffee in hand - result! The other party (which I'll cover in just a sec), were heading to Mass first and planned to catch us up at Epcot when they were done. So let me backtrack a little and explain who is actually all here as I havent yet done so and were already two days in - thats just impolite, so sorry.

Fifeteen of us in total. First off we have our wee family of five, Me, Ann, Patrick, Robert & Grace - Ive went on at length about all of us at some point in the past - yeah, you know who we are. Then its my mum and dad, Sadie & Wullie, Orlando veterans and all round great parents. My brother Michael is up next, with Sarah Jane, Corrie, Alessio and their wee baby who recently had her first birthday - Isabella. And finally we have my sister Pauline with Kevin & Emily. Both Emily and Isabella are first timers to Orlando and all things Disney, so makes it an extra special visit. Ourselves and my parents share the first car, My brother, sister and their families share the second. I'll refer to the latter as 'the other party' at times but this is entirely for brevity. Now, back to the story...

We ended up getting to Epcot around 10:30 which was right in time for our first Fast Pass - Spaceship Earth. A big slow moving train through the anals of Civilization, located in the big multi-faceted ball that Epcot is renowned for. Y'know its a fairly simple ride and I've done this it a fair few times now, but this like many others, never ceases to amaze me. If you've ever seen Inside Out, I imagine this whole place to be a core memory and have its own wee island somewhere in the depths of my brain, churning out little orbs of Joy. If you haven't seen Inside Out, then all of what I've just said will sound really really weird, but trust me - go watch it. Good start to the day!

Hey You Guys! 

Next we checked out Test Track but it was down for some unknown reason, so grabbed some coffee and pastries will we waited for the other party (that being, oh wait right we did that already, didn't we?). By the wonders of Whatsapp and Feel at Home from Three (shameless plug), Kev let us know that they'd arrived and we arranged to met them back at the entrance. We'd coordinated our t-shirts today, those being our new Celtic Champions 6-in-a-row tee :) which made it real easy to spot them. On the subject of attire, zipped pockets - how amazing are they? I know I sound like I'm getting old, but they're definitely the way to go if you're on holiday!

Ann really hurt her eye over the course of the morning and it was progressively getting worse as time went on. I suggested that she patch over her eye to give it a rest, however this led me to call her One Eyed Willie, which didnt go down to well, so stopped in fear of my life (or having to walk the plank - right, sorry Ann, that was the last one, promise ;) x )

Next we headed to Ellen's Energy Adventure, a big moving cinema all about th wonders of energy hosted by the hilarious Ellen DeGeneres & Bill Nye, the science guy. Funny as well as factual too, couldnt go wrong.

Now came Test track, a ride where family loyalty went out the window as we went head to head to design the most efficient car. Super fast, fun ride and good to see the competitive spirit from everyone - even Gracie was doing a little trash talking (well she was in my team, otherwise I wouldn't have encouraged it ; ). In the end, we failed to hit top spot, but our car was easily the best looking one out the lot (all designed by my lovely co-pilot Gracie).

Scores on the doors were as follows:

Ann, Kevin & Pauline - 208 Michael, SJ & Emily- 205 Me, Dad & Grace - 204 Patrick, Robert & Corrie - 156 (who intially claimed 226 - what a bunch 'a chancers!)

All  in all great fun and everyone loved it (especially Gracie who wanted go back on it straight away).

Living With The Land Fast Pass (on the other side of the park) up next, which we made it with 5 minutes to spare. Nice boat ride about farming and such (seriously) with Patrick even enquiring about the Behind The Scenes tour (or Behind The Seeds as they called it) - he just loves learning new things! He also managed to spot 2 hidden Mickeys on the ride (thats disguised Mickey symbols all over the Disney parks) -  so well done PG!

Quick stop at The Circle Of life, a wee environmental film featuring The Lion King's Simba, Timon & Pumba, which began with the song of the same name. That song gives me goosebumps every single time! *shudder*

After that was Soarin', which we had passes for, but everyone wanted to ride so meant we had to split up into two groups, one to watch Isabella while the other went on the ride. While we were waiting to ride (with views of an cool looking India Jones-esque style journey being mapped out on the screen before us), Robert asked the attendant out of the blue if we could get in the first row - good ole Ro! :)

This ride was Epic - its the only word to describe it. Flying through the air, over different landmarks of the world aking in hugs vistas, they even had different smells. Everyone loved it and even my Dad rearked it was the best ride yet as we walked off the ride.

Do you wanna build a snowman?

During the wait and switch-over of groups we came to the decision that the five of us and my mum and dad would head home after the last ride and try getting a proper bite to eat when it was a little quieter, whilst, Pauline, Michael & Co would remain in the park and finish off the remaining rides.

So onward it was to Frozen Ever After, Epcot's newest ride based on the extremely popular Disney movie and set in Norway (well Epcot's mini representation of Norway on their World Showcase). On our way, we bumped into Pluto (the dog, not the planet-oid-y thing), so used the opportunity to grab our first character autograph! Kids were really excited! There was a Disney Photo-pass photographer there too so managed to get some nice groups shots (except for ours, so had to use one of my own photos here as a backup).

The ride was a great little boat trip through the Kingdom of Arendelle with Anna and Elsa (who is my favourite princess without red hair, ok ok, she isnt really a princess, yeah I know, but still). Even the Snow-gies made an appearance! And with the ride came another ride photo from the Memory Maker - excellent! :D The kids loved it and Emily was skipping out of the ride singing Let It Go at the top of her voice! :)

So we said our goodbyes and left the other party then, who planned to continue their travels around the World Showcase and possibly grab Spaceship Earth, which they missed, on the way out. The World Showcase is an awesome thing, but I think the allure of a hearty meal after a long day was far too tempting for us.

We headed straight to Miller's Alehouse from the park in an attempt to avoid the queues and wait times... which we did! However once we were seated and after a quick scan of the menu - the Snow Crab that Gracie had set her heart on to share with me was no longer on the menu - she was more gutted than me! :( In its place I opted for a nice wee Flat Iron Steak & Coconut Shrimp combo, which was awesome. Grace and Ann chose to share the 35 Shrimp menu item (which was 35 shrimps funnily enough) and Grace inhaled about 18 of them. Man, that girl loves her seafood! The Nacho starter that Ann thought she might need however was an absolute mountain and in the end, defeated all of us (its really big enough for two peeps to share as a main meal if Im being honest). The food and menu options in the place are second to none so were definitely planning a return visit in the next few days with our entire group!

A second trip to Walmart rounded off the day in order that we could take a slightly more relaxed look at what they had to offer. The last time I was here I picked up some amazing Cinnamon Pecan coffee, but alas they appeared to no longer stock it or any equivalent. The boys picked up more trading cards, Grace picked up more Hatchimals and we got a variety of non-essential items including a Star Wars decal for the car, a Pecan pie (obviously I have a thing for Pecans) and some Harley Quinn Comics (and I have a thing for her too ; ). Had a look at the laptops too, which were ridiculously cheap, so toying with the idea of picking one up, but Ill need to do some in-depth investigations first.

Rest day on the cards for tomorrow with shopping planned in the am, so should a relatively quiet one. I'm kinda looking forward to it in all honesty, following the two successful but extremely packed days we've all had.

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 5

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.8k. -this may look like a love triangle but ill do my best not to turn it into one. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

-this hasn’t been updated in forever but i love writing this. it’s really just for fun. i know no one really reads but idk i just cant give up on that fic. btw the gifs are older just because this happens right after hiatus starts.

-THE PART IN ITALIC IS A FLASHBACK

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 5 : Her chapter 

Olivia

It was a weird dream that woke me up but as soon as my eyes opened, I forgot about it. I blinked a few times, trying to wake myself up completely, but I could still feel how tired I was and I knew that as soon as i'd move, a thumping headache would make my day even worse.

Niall was close to me, his face only a few inches from mine, and he was still asleep. I tried to breathe in and out slowly from my nose to be sure I wouldn't literally poison him with my bad beer breath. The aftertaste was still invading my buds but I tried not to think about it as my eyes roamed on Niall's face. The memories from the past night came back to my mind and I tried to remember every single detail and emotion that took me over but the only thing that seemed to echo in my head was how I literally told my best friend I loved him and always have.

Slowly, I brought my hand to his cheek and let my fingertips brush against his skin, allowing the feelings I had for him to flood me, almost drowning me, as I stared at him.

"I was talking about you, idiot."

My voice was so low I could barely hear myself and my own words made my heart jump hard in my chest. I don't remember ever telling anyone outloud that I loved Niall. Most of the time, I pushed the feelings deep down my stomach and covered it with other kind of emotions. It was true, I couldn't deal with how I felt and I didn't want to. I knew that if I allowed myself to fully love him and hope for him, I would never heal from him. I was convinced the best way to remain happy was to ignore how i feel for him and focus on something else but once in a while, very very rarely, I let the feelings invade me.

He was pretty and it was even more obvious from up close. My fingers moved down to his chin and I let my thumb brush on his bottom lip. Sometimes, I really wanted to kiss him and this was one of those times. We had kissed once at a party when we were younger, but playing 'spin the bottle' was not really the experience I wanted and If I was honest, it only made everything worse for me.

He snored lightly and it made me jump and smile as I took my hand away but kept on staring at him. It was still dark in the room, even if the sun was slightly peeking through the curtain, but I could see his traits perfectly.

"It was always you and it will always be you."

Once again, I had whispered so low I was not even sure of what I had said but it made him wiggle gently. He let a groan escape his lips and finally sighed. I knew he was awake now and I tried to calm my heartbeats, scared that he may have heard what I said. I loved him. I loved my best friend, and it was not platonic. It was completely romantic and so deep that it felt like it was a part of me. A part that would never die, no matter how hard I would try to kill it.

He opened his eyes and they met mine, making me hold my breath. I could feel myself build my wall again, bringing torpor and numbness back as I hid my deepest and most intense feelings on the other side, away from anyone's sight, even mine.

"Hey you." he let out before clearing his throat. "Slept well?"

I sent him a smile but just nodded. I was not ready to talk just yet, scared that my voice would break.

"Migraine? Nausea? A feeling of emptiness?"

I chuckled and raised my nose up in a grimace, bringing my hand over my mouth.

"A little bit of all of this."

He let out a low laugh, still staring at me.

"And a bad breath, i'm guessing." he joked, glancing at my hand.

"Perhaps."

He looked at me with an amused grin for a while and finally sat up, grabbing my hand and moving it away from my face.

"You should take a shower. You reek." he pointed out, making me roll my eyes. "And brush your teeth, will you? I'll wait for you downstairs with coffee. Just coffee."

With a loud sigh, I nodded again and got off the bed, not really remembering how I got into Niall's clothes, but I decided not to ask.

"I'm gonna need clean clothes, can I borrow some of yours?"

I had barely finished my sentence when he threw new sweatpants and a navy blue shirt. It made my lips curl and I grabbed them, walking around the bed and closer to him.

"Thank you!"

I grabbed his face with one hand, squeezing it and twisting his lips. He didn't push me away but let out an annoyed groan when I grossly kissed his cheek. He moved his head to get out of my grip and it made me laugh.

"Shower! You stink!"

With a louder laugh, I walked past him and locked myself in the bathroom adjacent to his bedroom. I took my clothes off and started the water mechanically, my mind still trying to retrieve the events of the night before, but it's only when I turned the water off that I remembered Harry being very close to me, close enough to kiss me.

The memory brought warmth to my cheeks and a stupid grin on my lips. Yes, i loved Niall and I always will, but it didn't mean I couldn't have feelings for anyone else, and I couldn't lie and pretend I didn't feel something for Harry. But Harry was not just anyone, and I was well aware of that. Not only was he my best friend's bandmate and close mate, but he was also one of the most conveited boy in the world and that could be annoying. I pushed that thought away and got out of the shower, quickly drying myself. I dressed back into Niall's clothes and rushed downstairs only to find him sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. I quickly grabbed a mug and poured myself one too before joining him, sitting in front of him.

"Why are you smiling so big?" he asked with a frown, an amused smile gracing his lips.

"Last night, Harry and I almost, kissed, didn't we?"

I bit my bottom lip still staring at him and noticed his smile fall down as soon as I mentioned his friend's name. I was not sure if I was hallucinating but it really seemed like Niall didn't want me to get close to Harry. I grabbed my cup again and took an other sip of coffee as I tried to make sense of the events of the night before until it suddenly hit me.

"You.. you're the one who stopped it."

Niall's gaze dropped to his own mug and seemed incredibly interested in it as I talked. I could read the guilt all over his face yet I also felt an aura of annoyance around him and it made me frown again. I felt suddenly hurt and slightly betrayed. My lips parted as I stared at him, waiting for his eyes to meet mine but he kept staring down at his mug, turning it around with both hands in a nervous manner.

"You were totally shit-faced, Liv." He simply expressed, as if it was an obvious reason. He talked slowly, trying to make me feel like I was being irrational but it didn't work this time.

"Why did you do that, Niall?" I asked in a breath, gripping the side of the table as anger was filling my insides. "Why won't you let me have a fucking glimpse of happiness?" I kept going, getting angrier by the second. "You think I don't deserve it? To be happy?"

I watched as his lips became smaller and I could sense him becoming furious too but I didn't care. He owed me an explanation and I was going to get it. After everything he had said to me about Harry and I in the past few days, I felt unworthy. It was the very first time in my entire life that Niall made me feel like shit.

"That's it? I don't deserve happiness?" I repeated, waiting a few seconds before to add. "Answer me!"

The palm of his hand hit the table and I jumped, surprised by his unlikely behavior. My lips parted and I stared at him until he inhaled deeply, still avoiding my eyes.

"He doesn't deserve you! Okay?" he explained a bit too loud, finally looking up and diving his gaze in mine. "He doesn't deserve you and he's gonna play you and he's gonna hurt you! He doesn't deserve someone like you!"

Although not the reason I expected, I quickly let out the air I had kept in my lungs. My eyes filled with tears and there was nothing I could do about it. I was crying, tears falling down my cheeks and slipping on my neck, tickling my skin as I tried to swallow the lumps in my throat. I didn't even try to wipe them, I just allowed them to fall, knowing it wouldn't change anything.

"Well, that was not your call to make, Niall." I let out in a calm tone after a minute of silence. "It wasn't your decision to take. And you have no right to decide who deserves to be with who."

I got up slowly, hearing my chair make a screeching noise and turned around to go back to his room. I got up the stairs slowly but confidently and when I reached the top, I heard his chair too.

"Liv, please, wait." he just let out with a sigh, following me upstairs.

I ignored him, my eyes roaming around to find my clothes as I took his off and grabbed the dirty ones that I wore to the bar. I noticed him stare for a few seconds at me before shaking his head and looking away. He finally shook his hand and turned back to me again, taking a few steps closer.

"Liv, come on." he pressed, reaching for my wrist as I tried to take my shirt off. "I'm sorry, okay? I really am."

I closed my eyes and breathed in, trying to focus on my heartbeats to bring them back to a normal speed. I was hurt and sad and I felt betrayed, but in the end, Niall was my best friend, and even if he did it the wrong way, he was trying to spare me pain and I couldn't stay mad at him for that. Slowly, I turned to him and my eyes met his, making my heart jump in my chest. He felt guilty, I could read it all over his face, and I ended up sighing again and shaking my head.

"I want you to stop getting between Harry and I." I pointed out. "I want you to let me live what I have to live with him. You made it clear what you thought, now let me handle it from here."

His eyes roamed on my face and I felt my skin burn from his intense gaze. There was nothing I hated more than Niall and I fighting. It hadn't happened a lot in the many years we were friends but it seemed to be recurrent in the past days. When it came to Harry and I, Niall had a hard time to mind his own business and I still didn't understand why.

"Okay."

It seemed like it took him a lot of effort to let out this simple word but he kept holding my wrist gently as we stared at each other. I had failed in trying to get my heart beating to a normal pace but I just blinked a few times as I looked at him.

"I'm serious, Niall." I insisted, trying to keep my voice calm and collected. "Promise me."

I felt his grip tighten slightly and he shut his eyes tight before opening them again.

"I promise."

His words made my heart lighter and It seemed like a heavy load had been taken off my shoulders. I let out the air I didn't even know I was holding and let him pull me closer by my wrist, wrapping his arms around my neck and holding me close to him. Both his arms were locked tightly around me and I felt secure and safe the way only he could make me feel. I closed my eyes, still pressed against him, and let my arms slide around his waist and gripping his shirt in his back.

"I'm sorry again." he whispered close to my ear, his breath brushing against my cheek. "I mean it. I really am."

I was glad he didn't try to justify himself. I always knew that Niall's apologies were genuine and real. He wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it and that in itself was relieving. He pulled away after a few minutes and looked down in my eyes, raising his eyebrows. I swallowed the lump in my throat as he kept his hands on my shoulders.

"Why don't you invite him over tonight?" he proposed, making me suddenly nervous. "We could drink, have a chat and I could show you that I respect my promises."

I tilted my head and licked my lips, feeling nervous suddenly at the thought of Harry and Niall on the same room. They were close, like brothers, so it wouldn't be the first time, but I still feared what could happen and I was not sure I was ready for it. I probably looked hesitant because he moved his face closer to mine.

"I just want you to be happy." he admitted in a low but soft tone. "You do deserve it, you deserve happiness more than anyone I know."

I felt my heart skip a beat and my lips curled into a fond smile. That was the Niall I knew, one that I hadn't seen much in the past few days.

"Okay, I'll text him."

When the doorbell rang, I rushed to the door, meeting Harry's soft and smiling face. I immediately mirrored his grin and took a step back to let him in, moving my arm to invite him. I closed the door and when I turned around, he was facing me and staring at me.

"Are you sure you want to stay in tonight?"

I sent him a bigger smile, touched by how caring he was, and finally nodded. I wanted to show Niall I forgave him but also let him show me he was really sorry.

"I mean, it's going to be fun, i made jello shots and we can watch movies and talk." I explained just as Niall walked in the living room with beers.

"And she doesn't even like jello."

Harry chuckled and shrugged as he took a beer from Niall's hands, opening it quickly.

"Well, except for the cherry flavored one."

I glanced at Niall who was frowned but my eyes quickly found Harry's again. He was smirking and once again, I noticed the dimples in his cheeks pop up. He took a sip from his beer keeping his eyes on me and that stupid mischevious smile on his lips and I could swear I felt my whole face burn at the memory invading my head.

"I'm hungry." I pointed out drunkenly, turning to Harry in-between two intense moments of laughter. "What's in the fridge?"

Almost jumping off the couch, Harry rushed to the fridge as I started laughing again. I had no idea where Niall and the others went but the tour bus was empty except for us two and we had decided getting drunk was the only interesting thing to do. I had opened up to him a lot, probably because of how much alcohol was running in my body, and I didn't even mind. For some reason I couldn't understand, I wanted to be close to him. Not just physically but mostly mentally.

"Okay I got this!" he yelled, letting himself fall next to me and bringing the bowl closer to my face.

I immediately grimaced and moved my head back. It actually smelled good but I was never a fan of jello. It tasted to artificial to me and I honestly didn't see the point. The texture was not my favorite either.

"Jello? Yuk."

His eyebrows raised and his lips parted, making me burst into laughter again. The only thing I remember thinking is how cute he was.

"You can not not like cherry jello, Liv." he noted. "I'm pretty sure it's against the law."

i raised my nose again and chuckled.

"Yea no, that's not against the law, or i'd be in jail."

"But it's delicious!"

To prove his point, he took a piece with his hand and pushed it in his mouth as I watched.

"Itch debichious!" he tried to mumble, his mouth full, making me laugh even more. "Come on, try it. For me?" he asked with puppy eyes after swallowing.

I groaned low and finally shrugged, giving in. In fact, I felt the need to agree with him if only to watch his smile again. Disappointing him was something I couldn't bear and although I knew it was probably because I was intoxicated, I couldn't help but think it was also a bit because of the feelings I was developing for him. And they were growing fast.

"Okay, why not?"

His lips curled more and he suddenly seemed excited. My eyes followed his hand as he grabbed an other piece and brought it to my mouth. It wobbled between his fingers and I opened my lips slightly as he pushed the bouncy piece in my mouth. I stopped laughing immediately when his thumb brushed on my bottom lip, making a shiver cross my back. It lingered there and I could swear he could hear my heart beating against my rib cage. His palm pressed against my jaw and my eyes dropped to his lips. I could swear he was going to kiss me. When he moved closer, I almost forgot I had jello in my mouth and choked on it, coughing as I tried to swallow what was left in my mouth. All I could think about was that the moment was over and I would remember this as the time I didn't kiss Harry Styles.

"Yea, the cherry one isn't so bad, but it really reminds me of how good I am at ruining moments."

Harry's smile turned into a fond one as I walked past him to go sit on the couch, moving my feet up to bring them close to me and taking a long sip of my beer. Harry joined me and I wiggled a bit on the couch to face him as Niall came back with the shots, placing them on the coffee table.

"What's the story about?"

I inhaled and shrugged as if it was no big deal and glanced at Harry again.

"It was one night you were probably out with the others boys?" I guessed. "I can't remember."

"No no, we were in Australia," Harry corrected me. "You had left with that girl you were shagging, what's her name again?"

My smile fell down immediately and I realized that was probably why I had erased that information from my brain. It was not like Niall was the type of guy to sleep around but being aware of his sexual encounters really bugged me. I tried to be a good friend but at the same time, the feelings I had for him also seemed to surface at some point, even if I tried to bury them as deeply as possible. It was worse when it came to girls he'd see regularly.

"Okay, how about these shots now?" I expressed a little louder than intended, not giving Niall time to answer.

I extended my whole body to reach a red shot and tried to ignore the two boys who were staring at me. I couldn't see, but I could feel their eyes burning me. I pressed the plastic cup a bit and threw my head back. I felt the gelatin fall on my tongue and I chewed it quickly. It tasted like cherry vodka, which is what I had used to make them, and I grimaced slightly.

"Okay, truth or dare?"

My eyes found Harry and my heart tried to escape from my chest as I realized the game we were about to play. I held my breathe for as long as I could but Harry raised his eyebrows at me to incite me to pick.

"Uhm, truth."

"How many people did you have sex with?"

I looked at him slightly surprised and tilted my head. I was a bit surprised he'd get into the sex questions so soon in the game but I decided to play along.

"You know, Styles, you should never ask a question that you wouldn't be able to answer yourself." My answer made him laugh and my lips curled more. "Seven."

It was his time to be surprised and I chuckled. I thought he'd explain why my number seemed so shocking but it's Niall who actually made a comment.

"Seven? Wait, how come do I only know three of them?"

I turned to him and grabbed an other shot, once again quickly chewing on it before licking my lips. These jello shots were better than I thought they'd be and I grabbed two more, handing them to the boys sitting close to me. I didn't want to be the only one to get drunk and it seemed like they weren't really thirsty.

"Mm, I don't know, Nee. Maybe because you never asked." I explained, moving my eyes to meet his and sending him a smile.

The truth was probably that I didn't want him to know. I regretted most of these sexcapades and I tried to forget most of them, just like I tried to erase his sex stories from my brain.

"Okay, my turn." I let out, once again not giving time to Niall to ask me the questions burning his lips. "Truth or dare?"