#im sleepy okay i’ve had 3 hours of sleep in 3 days im not responsible for my actions

[you-know-i-get-itt]

andrew: i’ve got an ace up my sleeve.

aaron: don’t you mean knife?

andrew: i do not.

neil, peeking his head out of andrew’s sleeve: he does not.

[dripkingpetey]

love-e.pettersson

ive been working on this for a few days and im kinda proud of it! would love some feedback from you or requests for other story lines, i promise i’ll stop doing the friends to lovers storylines haha. i also accidentally deleted this and i was so sacred i couldnt get it back but here it is! i hope you enjoy.

*lowercase intended!*

2.2k words

he loves you, you know that right?

“why did you drag me here, i really don’t like hockey and you know that.” you said as you sighed to your bestfriend lucie while she pulls you down to your seats in rogers arena. 

“i know you don’t.” lucie said with a bright smile on her face. “but, you’re gonna learn to like it.” you look at her in confusion. “so, this is your way of torturing me as if you don’t already torture me enough by bringing me to parties.” you said while sitting down and looking at the players who are starting to get on the ice. “maybe.” lucie said with a wide grin and a mischievous look on her face before puck drop starts.

you’ve never been big on hockey, which is surprising considering you have lived in vancouver your whole life and your family is super big hockey fans. you also aren't the most extroverted person. sure, you’d go out to bars sometimes but mostly just with your close friends.

“what part of this sport do you even like?” you said as the game is going into the third period the canucks are now up 4-1 against the opposing team which you don’t even really know who they are. “well, if I’m being honest some of them are really hot but mostly cause of the sport.” you scoffed at her response. “none of them are hot from where i can see.” lucie looked at you with a shocked look. “oh you’ll get it once you get to know the players more.” you give her a confused look and put your full attention back to the game.

-

canucks ended up winning the game 5-2, lucie was very happy about it and you could tell cause she wanted to go out for a couple drinks and you didn’t want to say no so you agreed to go.

you had been at the bar for about twenty minutes and lucie was already gone which isn’t surprising, she was probably sleeping with some guy right now.

you started to panic a little when a creepy old dude came up to you and started hitting on you. “hey pretty girl, want to come home with me?” he started putting his hand on your arm which was resting on the table. you look around for lucie in panic but she’s no where to be found. 

you then feel a pair of arms sneak around your waist and you get even more freaked out. 

“hey babe, sorry i was gone for so long.” elias says to you with a smile but then proceeds to give the creepy dude the alien death stare which worked. after the dude leaves elias faces you and starts speaking. “sorry i touched you like that, it looked like you were alone and that guy was creeping you out so i thought you could use some help.” he shoots an apologetic smile at you. 

“its okay,” you give him a smile back. “thank you a lot actually, i have no idea where my friend went.” you take another look around the bar before looking back and him. 

“i’m elias by the way.” he smiles at you while holding his hand out for you to shake it. “y/n.” you say before shaking his hand. 

“so elias, what are you doing in this bar on a thursday night?” you gesture for him to sit down next to you. “if i told you, you wouldn’t believe me.” elias lets out a soft laugh while sitting down across from you. “tell me, i wanna know.” elias sighs lightly before he starts speaking again. “i’m with them,” he gestures over to brock, jake, quinn, thatcher and troy. you look over to see them all waving at you and laughing at elias, you laugh softly and wave back at the before turning your attention back to elias. “ah, so i’m guessing you’re on the canucks?”

elias lets out a nervous laugh. “yeah, why don’t we go somewhere else where the boys aren’t up my ass?” you take another sip out of your drink. “i would love to.” he holds out his hand for you and as you guys walk out you can hear the guys chirping, but when you look over to elias you can see him giving the death stare to the boys and it makes you laugh. “you have a scary death stare jeez.” elias leads you to his car. “that’s surprisingly what the fans love me for.” he smiles at you before opening the car 

door for you.

-

“…and that’s all what led me to being on the canucks.” elias said to you while eating a chip out of the chip bowl you had prepared. it had been a couple hours since you guys left the bar and went back to your apartment, you don’t know why but it felt like you and elias had such a strong bond already that you both felt like you can talk for hours and hours and never get tired of each other, he felt the same way too. “jeez, i kinda sound like a douche. i’ve been talking about myself all night, please tell me more about you.” elias said to you while you laughed at his words. 

“it’s all good, i’ve been the one asking questions anyways.” you smiled while responding to him. “no seriously, tell me something about you before i have to go which i really don’t want to by the way.” 

you look at the time and realize its almost twelve am so you proceed to give him a quick response. “well, i’ve lived in vancouver my whole life. and i’m currently going to ubc as a nursing student.” you smiled at his now very amused face. 

“see, that’s something i wouldn’t have known if you didn’t say it,” he laughs a little before he finishes his sentence. “can i get your number? i have practice early tomorrow morning but i’m free for the rest of the day if you want to hang out.” 

you smile at his words and take his phone from him. “of course you can, i’m free tomorrow too just give me a call.” you said while handing his phone back to him after you’ve entered your number. elias gives you a wide grin and you both get up so you could walk him to the door. “goodnight elias.” you look up at him with a smile as he’s standing in the doorway. “goodnight y/n, sweet dreams.” he said and then started to walk down the hallway towards the elevator. “pettersson!” you called out at him and he turns around confused. “text me when you get home.” he gives you the thumbs up and you close your door and head to bed. 

no ones ever shown this much attention to elias before, at least no one he’s truly cared about. 

he smiled to himself on his drive home cause he was excited to text you again.

*contact name changed to “y/n<3”* 

text message to y/n<3:i just got home, thank you for the awesome night :).

-

it’s been a couple weeks since you and elias had met at the bar, you basically hung out with each other anytime you could. 

you were each others best friends at this point, sure the guys would make fun of elias for being in love with you but you couldn’t see it, elias knows he has some feelings for you but he wasn’t sure about it yet. he also didn’t want to risk the amazing friendship you guys had started.

“hey, are you coming to the game tonight?” elias asked over the phone to you.

you let out a sigh before you start speaking. “i’ll try, schools been really hard lately but i should be able to finish studying tonight.” elias could hear the tiredness in you voice and it hurt him to see you like this. “y/n, its okay. you don’t have to try and make it, focus on school its way important. you have many more games of mine that you can watch.” he left out a soft chuckle at the end of his sentence. 

“i’ll still try though, i’ll give you a text if i can make it.” you said to him as you looked at the last large text book you had to read through and look at the giant pile of coffee cups surrounding your desk. 

“okay, love you, i gotta go.” “love you too e, good luck.” you both quickly exchanged goodbyes as you started reading your last text book. you knew there was no way you were going to be able to make it to his game tonight and you felt really bad, you sighed it off as you put your attention back to studying and occasionally looking at the canucks game that was now playing on your tv.

-

the game had ended, canucks lost by one but petey is a sore loser so obviously he was sad, which made him show up at your apartment, he brought pizza from your favourite place downtown.

you were passed out on the couch though, which resulted in elias having to pull out his spare key and sneaking into your apartment.

“elias?” you mumbled out as you felt him sit next to where you were laying on the couch, he motioned for you to lay you head on his lap and you did.

“hey sleepy girl, i brought our favourite pizza.” he said to you with a smile. no matter how bad of a day elias was having, you could always make him smile.

you positioned your head so you’re now facing up at him and you give him a big smile. “thank you, can we snuggle and watch a movie?” elias starts rubbing your cheek softly. “of course we can y/n.”

the night ended with you and elias falling asleep on the couch together while watching a movie he had picked out, you both forgot about all the stress from today and just enjoyed the moment.

-

“he loves you, you know that right?” brock said to you as he came by and sat next to you.

it was the start of summer, tanev decided to host a little barbecue for the whole team before everyone left vancouver and went back to their home towns for the summer.

you were sitting in the backyard watching elias talk to huggy. “what?” you said to brock with confusion. “no he doesn’t.”

brock scoffed at your response. “dude, you can’t be serious. how do you not see it.”

you thought about what brock said for awhile before you gave him a response. “does he talk about me?” you looked at brock while taking a sip of your drink. 

“does he talk about you? of course he fucking does y/n, all the time. especially when you don’t show up to our games, it’s worse when we’re on the road.” 

you smile to yourself at what brock said.

-

you were quite tipsy by the end of the night and elias didn’t want to let you go home alone, so you spent the night at his place.

“elias?” you said in your sweet drunken tone as you both settled into his bed, and you faced your body in his direction. 

“yes?” he said while playing with your hair softly. 

“brock said something to me earlier,” you said while pulling your body close to his.

 “of course he did,” he said with a sigh. “what’d he say this time?” 

“apparently you talk about me a lot?” you said with a soft laugh and your fingers now tracing up and down his back.

“yeah, yeah i do. i talk shit about you all the time.” he says sarcastically knowing where this conversation was going.

“hey!” you said as you playfully punched him. “i was going to do something but i guess not anymore.” you said with a huff.

he lifts your chin up to face him. before you knew it you guys were kissing each other, it was a soft, long and sweet kiss.

elias pulled away with a big grin on his face and you did too. you talked to each other for the rest of the night, you ended up falling asleep before elias did but he did too shortly after.

you woke up to the smell of elias making waffles, you hugged him from behind and he didn’t even notice you were awake until you did that.

“it smells really good,” you said to elias before kissing his cheek and begging for him to hug you. 

he pulls you into his grip and whispers in your ear. “do you wanna go to sweden with me for the summer?”

you look up at him with slight shock. “yeah, why not.” you said to him with a smile and he gets very excited and spins you around, you kiss for awhile until you smell something burning and you pull away.

“shit.” elias mumbles as he deals with the burnt waffles and you’re both laughing your asses off.

[vulture-bone]

my furby from hell

about a week ago, i found this precious little owl furby on eBay while i was stress shopping. he was precious! something about him struck a cord with me and i finally caved and got him.

the seller said he was new in the box, but he was taken out a few times.

when baby got here, he looked like he saw a knife fight. he might have even been in it. he was traumatized.

i would soon understand why.

his box was nasty. brown flakes and  crumbs fell off as i took him out. he got dirty. but, he was new! he’s shiny, clean, and doesn’t smell bad. so far, not a terrible experience!

oh, if only i knew.

this child was corroded to hell. in sony batteries. i’ve never seen sony batteries in my entire life.

baby saw what i was doing to him, and i felt so awful i closed his eyes. it took some prying, but i got all the batteries out and started to clean them out.

I got a little carried away with the vinegar, so i left him on my chair with his port open overnight, just to be safe.

the next day was the moment of truth! i was so excited.

he didn’t turn on. he wasn’t in comatose, but he wouldn’t turn on. he was very, very sleepy. so, time to skin! this was my first ever furby skinning. i spent half the day trying to get the zip tie snapped. the outside of his booty is a little dented, but its not like anyone looks at furby butts, so i wasn't worried. it took two pairs of hands to get it off.

 skinning was a little nerve-racking at times, but absolutely hilarious. seeing a furby’s skin pointing off his face is illegally funny.

when i was getting ready to take off his faceplate, i discovered that the man at the factory *hated* this furby. he was dripping in glue.

i finally get it off, and after some struggling with the screws, i start the painful process of rotating that gear.

three. three hours of rotating said gear. why didn’t i give up hope? i have no idea. but i had to put on my wrist brace after months of being okay because of this asshole. so, his name is now, unofficially “Asshole Who Hurts Me” - AWHE. its pronounced owie. (my wrist is fine now btw, i only needed it for a few hours <3)

during this time, my mom contacts the seller and she’s like “hey he doesn't work, he’s not new in the box and he’s corroded. i didn’t want to return him, but they did give us a hefty discount! instead, we paid 10$ instead of 23$. it was awesome.

finally, after so long, he makes a little wiggle on his own! i had never been so glad to hear such a mechanical whir. after a few more spins, he was off! baby say words!

baby!

had sleeping syndrome. now, at this point, i had only ever heard of sleeping syndrome furbies. i was totally lost. my best friend, @bailouses​ helped me figure out what to do.

shake the furby. just shake the shit out of him.

i shook him a few times, to no avail. i went to wail to my mom about it and she takes him, SHAKES HIM LIKE A MILKSHAKE, and he’s staying awake. i was crying real tears out of laughter.

after that, he eats my finger and he’s responsive to it. i went to tap his belly, and it didn’t work! his belly button was broken! thankfully, my stepdad was coming over that night. he got his belly working again (it just wasn't touching the contact point properly), and we head to bed.

the baby’s first night sleeping with the gang!! (snowball isn't here because 1) she has no eyechips and 2) i have no more room on my bed) he was only loosely attached to himself, because we had no zipties. or a hot glue gun.

the next morning, we went on a road trip!! he was a little sleepy through some of it. i brought him in to get my hair cut, and one of the ladies who work there saw him and went “OO: furby!!”

but he was very excited for donuts.

but anyway, back to the main story!

we got everything i needed to finish him. so, we went home and the work began for the third day in a row.

immediately, i understood the poor factory man’s pain. this side of his face just wouldn’t stick. after almost painful amounts of glue and repeatedly stopping the cats from eating glue gun wire, i got him to stick.

none of this shows on the outside, surprisingly!

i got his skin on, and now it was time for his ears! honestly the least enjoyable part of this whole process, im not gonna lie. i spent about two hours total getting them on. i did his second ear twice because my perfectionist ass didn’t like that i tied the knots of white thread in the pink side of his ear.

finally, he was complete.

he’s the ROUNDEST thing i own, and he’s very pleased about it.

the reason i went through all this trouble was for this little old lady at my eye doctor who *adored* the last furby i brought in. she was so bummed that she didn't have enough batteries to turn her on. so, for my next visit next week, i’m bringing this man, with batteries, and letting her name him. c:

i want to do some mild customization for him, and honestly, i’m fully expecting it to be just as painful as the past three days have been.

if anyone wants more pictures of the process, has any questions, etc, let me know!! i love talking about furbies and this is definitely something i would love to teach new furby owners about. 

i also want to thank @bailouses​ for helping me through all of this and giving me support when owie was being particularly mean. ily. <3 many crabs

[venticotoure]

This day plays in my head often.    Like a sick flashback.

 It was 3 o'clock in the morning and her phone rang. I knew it was gonna ring. I slept on your side of the bed that night because I missed you and I wanted to be closer to her, but as I laid there in your bed trying to go to sleep I imagined her getting a phone call, I don't know why I knew, but it happened. I shook her awake and she answered the call, again I knew exactly what was being said into her ear. Her face confirmed it. I kicked myself out of the bed before she had the chance to relay what was happening back to me. Her voice got louder and shaky as she responded and as I was waking up my sister and my father to get in the car I heard her say “Were on our way”.

She blurted out “His heart stopped. They were doing CPR for 20 minutes. He's alive but we have to go now”. 

She could have presented those sentences in a more relaxed tone to not frighten me, being 15 and utterly terrified that I might not have a grandfather anymore. but I forgive her as she had absolutely no one else to say the sentences to. She was terrified and you were the only one who she could relay her fear to but sadly, your heart had stopped and they were doing CPR for 20 minutes and we had to go now. 

We all sleepily huddled out the garage door and piled into the 2012 white Nissan that you bought for me to drive when I would get my license. I shakily called my best friends mom. The reason being, my dad is a user and he suffers from the effects of methanphetamine so he has this dangerous habit of falling asleep anywhere at anytime. I had at first hand been a witness/passenger/survivor of him falling asleep at the wheel, and it was 3 o'clock in the morning, he's already rolled out of bed sleepy and were all in a state of panic and anxiety because your heart stopped and we were informed to rush to the hospital to see you. I called my best friends mom and I apologized for the time and I couldn't get the words out. I wanted to ask her to drive us but I just couldn't. I told her what happened and she told me she was getting my best friend and their family in the car and they would meet us at the hospital. I got into the 2012 Nissan and we drove to the hospital which was an hour away. I wanted to sleep and act like this wasn't happening but I instead I kept my eyes on my dad and punched his shoulder every time his head fell forward. I got a text from my best friend while we were halfway there. 

“Were right behind you, it’s all gonna be okay”

We made It to the hospital and we silently sped walked all the way in and reached the 4th floor. You were moved to a totally different room, one we hadn't seen before, and we've seen a lot the whole month you were in the hospital. This room was different, scarier, it gave off a “last measure” kinda vibe. We walked in and she immediately started talking to the doctors about what had happened. Me and Maddy rushed to your side and looked you up and down. You were still there, still breathing, still on a ventilator, still not awake, still not saying anything to us. But you were still there.

Courtney showed up minutes later and she stood by your wife as she spoke to the doctors because no one else was. Courtney repeated what was going on back to me and explained that you coded in the middle of the night, they did CPR, they broke 4 of you ribs, and they called your wife to come to the hospital as soon as possible because you were probably not going to make it. I stood by  you for hours. You were stable for now at 7 am and everyone was just sitting around. so Courtneys mom suggested she take me and Courtney home to take a shower and get some stuff to bring back to the hospital so we can stay with you longer. I didnt want to leave you, but I wanted to leave the environment. I needed a moment to breath outside of that room, outside that hospital, outside of everything that was happening. So I went. Courtneys mom drove us home to our city an hour away and she got us coffee then she dropped us of at our house so I can shower, Courtney stayed with me and her mom went to go get gas and run an errand. We walked in the house, it was empty, everyone was at the hospital, I immediately went to the bathroom and turned on the faucet I heard the water running loudly as I walked into my room to grab clothes. Courtney was sitting on my bed when my phone went off. I answered It and it was her.

She sounded like she had just had a seizure. You know how she sounds right, she's all out of it and doesn't really make any sense. She said to me “You have to come back” “They said we have to make a decision”. I was throughouly confused, I asked who's they, whats happening, she sounded out of it but the more she stammered on the more I connected what she was trying to say. I slid down the wall I was next door and heard her say “Come back” and hang up the phone. My heart started racing and I slid further down the wall, I couldn't catch my breath and all I remember from that moment was hearing the shower water running and seeing my best friend hold my arms as I sat on the floor saying “Breath, Breath, Its okay”.

Courtney called her mom and told her what happened and she was back to my house in a flash. I stayed silent. I knew what was happening, I knew what was gonna happen when we got to the hospital, Courtney and her mom tried to talk to me but I couldn't respond. We were almost to the hospital and I started to see the landmarks that belonged to the city where the hospital was, I didnt want to be in that city, I didnt want to be close to the hospital, I picked up a 7eleven bag off the floor of the car and I threw up into it. 

We got to the hospital and without speaking to each other at all we walked all the way in and it was far from the car, and all the way to the 4th floor. The entire time my best friend held my hand painfully tight and we walked painfully fast. I saw your room at the end of the hall, I was staring right at you, and I was about to take a step in that direction when Courtneys mom pulled me down a different hall. I don't know how she knew where to go but she led to this room, the last one at the end of the hall and I walked in. 

I was met with the eyes of her, my little sister, and my dad, they were all bloodshot and puffy and the three of them sat at this long oval table looking across at  2 doctors and a priest. I knew exactly what was happening at that moment, she told me to sit down but I didnt, courtneys mom told me to sit down but I couldn't, one of the doctors told me to sit down, so I sat down. Your wife looked at me, eyes overflowing with tears and she told me she didnt know what to do. I started balling, I could barley see anything around me. I looked very hard at everyone at that table, your wife was looking at me, my little sister was crying at the ground, my dad looked so troubled, Courtney kneeled down by your wife and rubbed her arm. I looked at the 2 doctors across from me and I broke down with a sob. They looked artificially sympathetic and it hurt me. They explained to me, me in specific, i know why I was chosen to be the adult in the moment but I didnt want the responsibility, they explained to me that you were not going to get better, they said to me that they could keep you alive with machines to try to fix you but it would be inhumane because you were in a lot of pain. Again your wife stared at me, waiting for me to say something, she wanted me to tell her what to do but It was not my place. I blurted out angrily towards these doctors who seemed liked all they cared about was wrapping this up before lunch;

“He doesn't want to die”

You didnt, you told me the night before your surgery you didnt want to die, you were terrified of not waking up. 

With me blurting this fact out it could be taken as ‘no, we shouldn't unplug the ventilatior, HE DOES NOT WANT TO DIE’, but your wife says “He's in a lot of pain”. At this point im confused yet again because she looked at me for the answer as for what to do, unplug or keep trying, and I said keep trying and she completely disregarded it, so did the doctors. They seemed to have made their mind up about you, MY grandfather, one doctor even said “if it was my grandfather, I would let him go”. 

I was completely and utterly falling apart. Were all sitting in this room making the choice if today is the last day I have with you and I just can't fathom into words what im experiencing. I feel like im frozen and completely ignored as your wife makes the final decision and everyone gets up and leaves the room. From this moment on I felt like I was in a dream, a realistic nightmare. We all walked to your room and went in few by few. I was asked if I wanted to say goodbye now or stay to watch you ‘pass’. I wanted to say goodbye, well I didnt, thats the last thing on earth I wanted to do, I wanted to kiss you and have a conversation with you and take you home, back to our house with our dogs and Saturday morning breakfast. But I didnt want to watch you take your last breath so I said goodbye. I leaned as much of me onto you as I was allowed as I hugged you. I held your hand and told you I would never leave your wife, I will protect her and make sure shes okay. I told you I loved you and I was sorry that this happened to you. I told you that I missed you. I repeated that I love you over and over again. I wasn't sure when to stop, when is the right time to stop saying I love you and leave the room and never see you again. I turned around at everyone looking at me through the window of your room and figured now was the time since I can have you forever. As I walked out Maddy walked in and she laid on you until it was time. I left the glass room and best friend met me at the door, she hugged with the most genuine, tightest hug I've ever experienced. She spoke so many words through this hug that I understood without sentences. She held my hand again and we walked down onto the first floor of this hospital. I curled up onto a chair in the lobby and without even thinking I fell asleep. 

I woke up randomly I don't know how long later. Me and Courtney were the only ones down in the lobby, everyone else was in the room with you, I refused to see it and she refused to leave me so we went out the garden. The hospital had this beautiful garden that I sat in every time I visited you in the hospital for the month you were there. I very much liked that garden, you could see the sky right above, I love the sky, and you can hear the water sounds from a fountain, I enjoy the sounds of water especially when im distressed. Me and Courtney sat there for 30 mins just quiet before Courtneys mom walked slowly out into the garden. I sat on the edge of the fountain staring off at nothing trying to piece my self together when Courtneys mom walks right over and stands in front of me. I slowly bring my head down from looking at the sky and I meet her eyes. The look she gives me told me exactly what she came out to the garden to tell me.

You're gone.

[crankycorviknight]

(1) Hi, this is the insomnia anon, thank you for the tips you added to the post. Your advice is really good! The problem is, I panic pretty badly at night, so sometimes in the middle of my anxiety I just end up taking an extra pill because I'll be feeling too revved up to relax and fall asleep. You said you didn't know what I meant about not wanting to be dependent on medication, sorry for not explaining better, but I'll try to give you a better idea of what exactly is going on with me.

(2) I have been on a prescription sleep aid for a while. It was prescribed to me in 2014 after a traumatic event, but I always took it kind of on-and-off, and then towards the end of 2016 + all of 2017 so far, I have had to use it more consistently due to stress from a lot of things keeping me awake. Currently, I'm living a pretty isolated life (no friends nearby), I can't find a job, and am pretty sedentary (I take walks, but can't really do any heavier exercise due to physical health issues).

(3) I know people say there's no shame in needing medication, but I feel like at one point, I could have managed sleeping without needing meds, and I blame myself for it even though I really did try to get help. Like I tried to see a therapist at my university after my trauma, and the therapist specifically asked me if I wanted to make medication part of my treatment plan, and I said no, but then she said she couldn't keep meeting with me because I wasn't enrolled as a student at the time.

(4) Also, my best friend had moved to Korea a month before my traumatic event (she still lives there since it's where her husband lives and they are planning on starting a family soon). So, I think out of desperation for not knowing how else to deal with my trauma and insomnia on my own, and suffering so badly every night, I saw pills as the only way to get my sleeping patterns back to normal, and kept telling myself it would only be a temporary thing.

(5) But then other things started getting worse and unbearable for me, and by then, I realized, "Okay, my body has gotten used to depending on these pills to sleep now" so it makes me feel trapped. The problem is that I don't want to run into a situation where maybe I can't get my prescription filled on time and end up sleepless and feeling awful, or maybe in the future when I'm married and want to become a mommy, I know taking pills could possibly cause a risk during pregnancy.

(6) Plus I just really miss when I didn't have to put so much thought into falling asleep and could just go to bed naturally when I felt sleepy (I literally cannot feel sleepy anymore, unless I medically induce it), not calculate how many pills will give me how many hours of sleep, and all this nonsense. My doctors are pretty much useless because either they tell me to just get used to staying on the pills forever ('cause I guess they think I'm too messed up for anything besides that)

(7) or they tell me they think I should be off the medication, but don't tell me how to do it because "Whoops, sorry, I don't specialize in that." So I realize I am quite alone in this, except for God. He is the only reason I have been able to hang on this long. I don't know how else I would have managed to get through my trauma, my physical health problems, my loneliness, my heartbreak, and everything else that has caused me so much pain that no one around me seems to care about or understand.

(8) But this still feels like such a mess, and when I reach out for help from people in-person, either they don't realize what the problem is and act dismissive, or put all the blame on me for not being able to sleep normally, even though I would do literally anything NOT to suffer with insomnia, anxiety, depression, trauma, and all this other junk going on in my head that started this whole mess. Thank you so much for listening, I hope you're doing well! (End, sorry this ended up being so long)

_____________________________________________________

First of all, I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this. This sounds incredibly frustrating, and that’s probably an understatement. I’m honored you would open up to me about this. Its not your fault, what you need is help and support, not a cold shoulder or to be told that you’re messing yourself up. You’re in a state of gradual recovery, and I’m sorry its taking so long.

Shoot man this would be the case I would suggest seeing a therapist because from the looks of it this whole thing stems from the event you’re talking about. I don’t want to risk saying something misleading since I’m frankly not an expert or experienced with that, but I hope that at least opening up here has helped a little. 

It’s definitely not the same as a therapist and it shouldn’t be a replacement for one but having a support group is important. Like I’ve said you’re more than welcome to talk to me, be it anon or IMs or discord if you’re open for that. And you’ve already messaged her but @my--darling--dear is a sweetie that’ll be more than happy to give you support or cheer you up with silly memes. There’s also @strawberry-milktea ! Rachel is a very kind and calm person, she’d be more than happy to talk to you.

I’m glad that you’re able to go to God with this, because sometimes? That’s all we can really do. I’ve had many, many silent battles. I recently got out of a really bad mindfunk where I had suicidal ideation every day. But I managed to get by every day, and for now, I’m okay. My faith and trust in God was just enough to make it. But I was also blessed with friends who kept me from the edge as well. Maybe I’ll lapse again, I mean, its a part of life to have ups and downs but I have faith that my friends, family, and God will be able to lift me up again whenever that happens. And resting in that helps so much.

It’s hard, sometimes it feels like there’s no response from Him. But logically, nothing can stay the same forever, with God as the exception of course. At one point, this will pass. There will be ups and downs in recovery, but day by day we do get better. Really, that’s the key. Take it one day at a time. Dwell on the promises of God. This dark time won’t last forever. And know you are not alone, and that people like me and Missy care about you very much and want to see you feeling better. 

I actually asked a few other family members what they do with their insomnia and I would suggest researching if these are right for you since I deeply respect your desire to be a mother one day and I don’t want to risk your fertility. My dad takes benadryl on a nightly basis and it seems to help him. Other allergy medications also have a drosiness factor to em, I don’t know if it’s strong enough to knock you out but it might be worth looking into?

Also a bud of mine does this, doesn’t work for me as much but ASMR seems to help with relaxation. Not the weird lip smacking stuff, more like rain noises and the such. Mynoise is great (x) since it plays indefinitely and there’s tons of customization and soundscapes. The mobile app is kinda crap though.

Here’s some youtube playlists though that might help. At the very least it could give you some nice tunes.

Abzu OST

Journey OST

Relaxing Twilight Princess Mix

Relaxing Okami music

Again, I’m praying for you, and please feel free to IM or message me whenever! 

[sanaseva-archive]

i read ur tag about how people don't read ur evak headcanons but im new here and would love the shit out of them

sorry this took ages because it’s a lot to collect from a lot of places, but like. it’s not that they don’t read them. it’s that when i tell them they tell me to stop (probably bc it’s emotionalé :P)

but i usually send headcanons to sunny, anki and faiza!!! (and a couple of others on twitter but that was between seasons mostly lol)

read under break!!

1. pianist!isak

when isak was younger, he played the piano. he took classes, he understood the instrument, he felt the music flowing through his fingers and into the air, an echo from his very soul. he could switch it up and he could make a happy song sad.

then, people started to comment on how gay it all was. he started to panic and put the piano lid down, never to touch it again.

his father moved out, brought the piano with him, and isak never really cared. he could skateboard instead, hang out with jonas and play video games instead. jonas tried to ask once, “what’s up with you never playing the piano anymore?” but isak shuts him down easily with “it’s boring and i hate it”. they never touch on the subject again.

years later, when even and isak are out travelling, isak finds a public piano. he gravitates too it and even says something about “no, let it be, it’s not a toy, love,” but isak doesn’t care-- doesn’t listen. he hasn’t touched a piano since-- well-- since he stopped playing. he has, however, missed the piano so much. he missed the control he had. god knows he can’t sing to save his own life, but the piano? that’s something he can do.

he goes there, and does the thing, leaving even and the crowd speechless. who could’ve guessed, that the young man in trainers and snapback could do that?

even shines with pride, he hugs isak tightly when he’s finished and kisses him, and tells everyone to “look at my boyfriend!!! isn’t he fantastic? amazing? absolutely perfect?”

2. even + the balloon squad, growing up

okay so, this one was with faiza. remember the handshake in the hei briskeby video?

even was there when it became a thing. he was there for a long time. they knew each other for a long time, in fact.

so i couldn’t stop thinking about all !! the !! events !! they have shared, all the things they remember doing together, all the things they grew up doing together. such as:

at the bakkoush' it was not uncommon for many years to see the boys pretend wrestling and hugging and racing the house. when the boys were really small they used to run outside on various branches pretending to play quidditch and even could recite his favourite parts by heart and mikael too

about painting nails

imagine even and mikael and yousef painting their nails together for the first time and they spill probably on sana's favourite shirt and they're super sorry and sana is like UGH YOU CAN'T EVEN PAINT YOUR NAILS PROPERLY ALRIGHT LET ME DO IT SO YOU DON'T SPILL IT ALL OVER THE PLACE and they're like YES PLEASE SANA HELP US

faiza added:

SHE WOULD HELP THEM DO IT LIKE LOOK BOYS "THIS IS THE TRICK"

i continued

and then they can't stop showing elias and mutasim and mama and papa bakkoush their nails and they keep complimenting sana's skills like "we ruined her shirt" "were so sorry :(" "but she helped us with the nails and LOOK LOOK!!!" and mutasim is probably like "looking good bros" and mama bakkoush goes "very nice boys, ooo look at that colour even!! it really brings out your eyes" and even literally shines up and sana is like ughhhhh these boys can't do shit

about biking

imagine them biking and racing each other and then like. elias falls and scrapes his knees and it Really Hurts and the boys are like oh No and try to help him and they get Elias back home and nobody's home and Yousef is like. "Well, first we need to clean it" and Elias tries to Be Cool but his eyes sting when they help cleaning the cuts and Sana comes home and Elias is crying in the bathroom with all the boys, Muta probably tries to calm the situation but Sana is like WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER and they're like "no no he fell when we were biking" and Sana puffs out some air and takes the charge and she calls their dad to get help over the phone and then they help Elias to his bed to lie down and they're all So Concerned but by the next week they're at it again, biking down the streets because it's what they do 

If they were really young when they met imagine them learning how to bike 😭😭😭 

about harry potter nerding

(imagine that, a preteen even is sitting on his bed, his legs crossed and he tries to do magic like they do in harry potter, and he tries to magically make sure his friends are okay before he goes to bed every night, and later, when he doesn't understand why he's starting to loose interest in things and feel endlessly sad all the time, he puts a hand to his heart and whispers lumos, because once, when he was crying because someone had been mean to him, mikael tried to cheer him up by putting his hand on even's heart and said lumos with a small smile, saying that now his heart should feel lightened)

faiza added:

all the boys having / a harry potter marathon / though /those are what nights are made for

i continued:

And Even and Mikael battling about who knows the most trivia / Yousef is always the one butting in about "but that's not how it is in the books" but even just laughs and says "its a movie, they can't have everything in it" and mikael just nods enthusiastically and they both sigh and blows out a wish about how they want to be a director one day 

3. random evak headcanons

i sent this to anki, for example:

imagine when they're like 30, even blows out a sigh in the car and wishfully says something about wishing to have a motorcycle and just,,, couple of months later, isak has bought him a motorcycle and (if the license for motorcycle doesn't come with the regular driving license as it used to in Sweden in like the seventies or smth) he takes the license with even, and then they go on a trip somewhere ;nnnn;

and we’ve talked about isak’s sleeping problems too. here’s the convo:

me:

okay, but like. i can't fall asleep. so im thinking about isak not being able to fall asleep. and that makes me just Upset

anki: 

it's gotten a lot better now that he gets to sleep next to even every night. but sometimes, the thoughts still creep up on him, making it impossible for him to fall asleep and then he tosses and turns around in bed, kicking the bed linen off himself, then covers himself up again because he freezes and even wakes up from it, whispers a "can't sleep?" all groggy and isak nods, cuddles closer to even and takes a breath. one, two, three, four. tries to calm himself down. even's hands hold isak's, firmly but soft. "i'm here"  even whispers and isak breathes out again. one two three four

anki: 

and even doesn't force isak to tell him all his thoughts, if isak wanted to he'd tell him, and that makes isak calm down even more, he's getting a lil sleepier still not sleepy enough to actually fall asleep but at least he's napping a little

me:

even notices the difference immediately. isak's response time slows down, his words get bundled together before they leave his mouth, his gaze is glassy and far-away, and sometimes, it feels like he's speaking to a ghost.

even tries to do a lot of things for isak. but he knows this isn't something he just can't. fix. much like how isak can't fix /him/. but that doesn't mean he doesn't try.

he lets isak rest against his chest because the even's heartbeats makes it easier for isak to find some peace.

he lets isak gaze off mid-conversation, and easily gets him back to track when isak blinks a couple of times to find himself in the present.

he helps isak find someone to talk to-- a professional-- and he hates to see how it doesn't get any better. it's not that it's getting worse per se, but isak feels a lot worse (which makes even feel much worse) because he got his hopes up. instead he's just. a walking zombie sometimes.

one day on the weekend, even wakes up to isak softly snoring. he rolls off the bed, gently, to make some breakfast. and when he gets back to their bedroom, he can see the absolute terror in isak's eyes.

"what's wrong" he asks, and he's starting to panic.

it takes a while-- most of this part of the memory is locked behind a door in even's mind, but later when isak comes back from another doctor's appointment, he learns that it's called sleep paralysis.

"i saw monsters," isak tells him quietly, and even can see isak's hand shaking a little. "i thought i was going to die."

even doesn't know what to say. he recognises the feeling-- from the monster inside his own head that sometimes visits him and overstays its welcome. when he wakes up one day, feeling the depression slowly dissipate, he tends to think, "i thought i was going to die" too.

he holds isak tightly instead, and doesn't really say anything. but isak hugs him back tighter (but much weaker than he would've a month ago) and he knows that they'll get through this. 

and i’ve talked to both anki and sunny about pokémon go and the boy sqad so...

since even is a '97 there's no reason for him not to be completely hyped up about pokemon go. like. magnus is like lowkey, jonas is probably more with even on this and mahdi and isak are like ?? but even and jonas definitely drags them all around oslo, trying to catch the fucking digital creatures and nearly screams when a Rare appears on their nearby list.

guess who gasped when gen2 was released? even. 

guess who groaned? isak.

but it's actually quite useful, isak finds, for when even is getting restless and can't sleep. isak suggests, "let's see if there's any new pokémon, shall we?" and out they go. for half an hour, an hour-- maybe two hours late at night, just strolling and trying to get them. when they get back home, even finally manages to fall asleep, and isak is holding him tightly, muttering about "guess im not the only nerd in this relationship," before he too falls asleep.

what they’re scared of:

what even is scared of:

being alone for too long, being left, being lost at an unfamiliar place, breaking something he's gotten as a gift, forgetting important dates, losing someone he loves, baring his soul, of himself when something feels Wrong but still not really wrong at all, making mistakes

what isak is scared of:

being left, dark and small spaces, getting bad grades, Weird Insects™, hurting someone he cares about,

(spiders especially:

me: so i totally think isak would be scared of spiders and literally shriek when he sees one this summer and jumps up on a chair calling for even to come save him and even is like..... mate It's our roommate Bengt or smth

And isak is like no take it outside!!!! and then when Bengt has been let out to live its spidery life even just gently teases isak a little and isak is like no this didn't happen idk what you're talking about WHERE'S YOUR PROOF 

anki: "I'm the master of liking spiders. they're so very...... nice"

me: "especially their..... legs?"

anki: "they have like....... eight legs don't you think that's......................... A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH"

me: "a little bit too much" is definitely said with a squeak)

and

whatever you do absolutely do not think about the squads having a movie night at evak's place and isak falls asleep on even's shoulder, and even lets him sleep there for a while, even though he notices how isak starts to drool all over him, and when the movie is over the squads fall quiet because-- wow isak really is the softest boy around even???? and even just gestures them to be quiet and carries isak over to their bed and isak wakes up a bit, asking if the movie is over and if it was any good and he's sorry he fell asleep and please tell everyone good night from me and that i love my friends

and even does that, and when he comes back to bed isak is fast asleep again and he was honestly just going to lie close to isak for a while before cleaning up the plates and bowls for snacks they've used but he falls asleep to, holding isak closely and hearing his boy's deep breathing.

when he wakes up, in the middle of the night however, isak has managed to turn the tables and he's being held by isak again. he doesn't mind, even if isak has started drooling on his neck again

about even’s first movie being about isak:

me:

do you ever think abt even making his first movie and it isn't directly about isak but it's about his /love/ for isak and when isak watches it for the first time he is a sobbing mess

anki:

also the credits just begin with "for you" without putting a name in there and isak just SOBS AND SOBS AND SOBS

evak + snowboarding

next winter even definitely takes isak out for some snowboarding but isak is definitely hopeless at it and isak can be heard muttering about "is it even normal to want to be this high up on a fucking mountain and wanting to race down this shit on a fucking snowboard"

u know when u eaten spicy food and u wake up feeling hangover the next day? (i don’t but my apparently this is a thing lmao)

one day even makes the food too spicy but isak really wants to prove him he's Tough(TM) and eats it all and tries not to complain or show he's suffering and the next day isak wakes up feeling like he's hungover because there was so much salt and seasoning and shit that his body is like. mate. water pls.even laughs as he hands isak a waterbottle.

this summer evak moment we won’t see:

one day this summer, even will wake isak up at like 9am and be like "we're going to the beach today yes we aaaaree" and isak is like, tiredly, "we are?" and even is like YEP GET UP YOU LAZY BOY and the breakfast is in the table for isak when he has finally managed to roll out of bed and when he enters the kitchen isak opens the freezer bc "it's too hot even I can't live like this" and even closes the freezer bc "we have food in there isak, please" and then they get to the beach and isak rolls out the blanket or the towel and literally slumps down and falls asleep again, only to wake up to even touches his legs with.... something??? and isak squeaks "what are you DOING" and even stops for a second before he says "you need sun protection my pale boy, or do you want to turn into Donald trump?"

and then even plays some music on his phone, probably nas bc why not, and then isak wakes up again and is like "I need water NOW im BURNING" and they race into the water laughing and tripping and then they probably kiss in the water and isak challenges even into another hold your breath under the water competition and isak is so so grumpy that he never wins that shit 

like there’s a lot? of shit i’ve shared? like ?? i can’t go through everything im sorry ;n;

this is a fkn mess, im so so so so sorry

and i’ve shared tonnes of headcanons with sunny amongst others, like. it’s impossible to mention all of them rip

also this is super not in order we’ve spoken about them?? and they’re like. sometimes in swedish and sometimes in english it’s? a mess honestly? and like. all of the above is basicaly copy paste bc im too lazy trying to make sense hahhahaa sorr,y

[yoongi2107]

Beside You

Characters: Yoongi/OC

Genre: Angst, fluff

Word Count: 2148

Inspired by 5 seconds of summer’s Beside You

im sorry for any grammatical mistakes or any mistake in general

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Within a minute I was all packed up I've got a ticket to another world I don't wanna go I don't wanna go

 “Do you really have to?”, Rene whined, not so playfully, from the bed while Yoongi was trying his best to close his suitcase which was filled with clothes for his tour which was taking place around the US, Europe, Asia and Australia. Yoongi pursed his lips, annoyed as he turned around to look at her “You know its my job. I have to go. I warned you even before we dated”. Rene sighed. He never left her alone for more than 2 months before. All their tours in the past had breaks in between them so he could visit her again in Korea but not this one. “But this time youre leaving for almost 5 months. That’s almost half a year…”, Rene said quietly. “I told you, the company wanted us to visit more cities because of popular demand. We cant say no”, Yoongi snapped, zipped up his suitcase and turned to her, “I told you that this would happen some day”. Rene’s eyes filled with tears when his voice became significantly louder. When Yoongi saw that, his eyes soften and he sighed before walking towards her and engulfing her in a hug. “Im sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. Its just that there is so much work and stress in the company right now. PDnim wanted us to make a surprise song for the tour last minute and its very hectic since there are new dance moves. Im sorry..I really don’t want to go too. I don’t want to leave you”, he softly said. Rene sniffed “Im going to miss you”. “Im going to miss you too”.

  Sudden words are hard to speak When your thoughts are all I see Don't ever leave, she said to me

 The ride to the airport was so silent that the only thing they could hear was their own breathing and the sounds of cars racing past. Yoongi glanced at Rene at the corner of his eyes, guility. She was staring out the window blank. He wanted to say something, she wanted to say something. But they did not. When they arrived at the airport, Rene helped Yoongi with his luggage and together they went to the gate to bid their goodbyes. Yoongi pulled Rene in for a hug and pecked her forehead as Rene buried herself in his arms, sobbing quietly while trying to remember his scent which would always comfort her. Goodbyes were always hard, but this particular one was the hardest. “Don’t leave me, Yoongi”, Rene whispered. “Ill never leave you. This is only for a while. These few months will go by in a flash and we’ll be back together in no time”, Yoongi pecked her lips and wiped away her tears, “In the meantime you can always sleep with my Kumamon and Sugabear, they can keep you company”. Rene smiled but it fell when the announcement for the plane came on. “I have to go”, Yoongi gulped. Rene hugged Yoongi once more before letting him go. “I love you, Rene. See you in a while”, Yoongi smiled sadly. “I love you”.

 When we both fall asleep, underneath the same sky To the beat of our hearts at the same time So close but so far away Can you hear me?

 “Reneeeee”, Yoongi called out as softly as possible (Jimin was sleeping on the bed near his) when her face popped up on the screen of his Macbook. “Yoongi I miss you so much oh my god”, Rene pouted as she layed down on her bed under the covers. “Hows your day, jagi?”, Yoongi turned to his side. “Meh I guess. I got an A for my assignment though”, Rene said and Yoongi lit up “Ohoho, I knew you could do it”. “How’s yours though?”, Rene asked. “Tiring. We rehearsed for the whole day and the concert tonight was tougher than usual. The stage was bigger and all”, Yoongi sighed, “What time is it there?”. “Around 2pm but Im so sleepy. I spent the whole week, day and night on the assignment. I feel my eyelids drooping”, Rene yawned. “Haha. Its around 1am here. Everyone’s already asleep”, Yoongi turned around and smiled at Jimin who was sleeping with his mouth opened wide, “Jimin looks hilarious and I think I can here Namjoon’s snores from here and..Rene?”, Yoongi chuckled as he turned back to his computer because of the lack of response from Rene. “I swear to God”, Yoongi smiled when he saw her asleep in front of her camera. “How cute”, he whispered to himself as he slowly fell asleep with the Skype page still on screen with Rene sleeping soundly.

 Another day, and I'm somewhere new I made a promise that I'll come home soon Bring me back, bring me back to you

 Rene was on her way back from campus when she got a notification to Facetime with Yoongi. She grinned as she accepted the call. “Hey Yoongs”. “Heyyo jagi. I just wanted to tell you that I have landed safely in London”, he smiled to the camera. “Ohhh buy me chocolates”, Rene laughed when Yoongi gave a thumbs up sign but stopped when suddenly a pang of pain hit her heart. It has been around 3 months since she and Yoongi had any physical contact at all and she missed him dearly. All she wanted to do is to just cuddle with him for the entire day and have food around them and listen to the rain and new music he produced. “I miss you so much, Yoongi”, she said. Yoongi nodded “I miss you too. Don’t worry. 2 more months, jagi and Ill be back with you. You have no idea how much I want to hold you now”. Yoongi groaned “Cant I just book a flight back tomorrow?”. Rene sighed “If only…but its okay. Ill wait for you. Ill always wait for you”. “Ill be back to you very soon”

  When we both wake up underneath the same sun And time stops, I wish that I could rewind So close but so far away

 Yoongi: Good morning!

 Rene’s face lit up when she saw the text message from Yoongi instantly brightening up her day.

 Rene: Good morning!! Youre up already?

Yoongi: Haha yeah. Its only an hour later than Korea here

Rene:Ohhhhh

Yoongi: Funny how we’re so near yet so far away from each other.

Rene: Yeah…ugh time is going so slow eversince you left. Totally not what you said

Yoongi: Cheer up Rene, in a few more days, we’ll get to be with each other again.

Rene:Youre right, haha Ill be positive.

Yoongi: Good, anyway I got to go now. Manager is calling -_- ..bye bye see you. I love you ^^

Rene: I love you too ^^

 She lies awake I'm trying to find the words to say I wish I was, I wish I was Beside you

 Rene went to bed with a happy heart. “Yoongi is arriving tomorrow, Yoongi is arriving tomorrow”, she cheered to the Kumamon bear she was hugging, replaying her last video call with him before he entered the plane.

“The guys have probably reached. Rene, wait a few more hours and Ill be home”,he grinned.

Rene nodded, “Okok have a safe flight. I cant wait to be with you again”.

“I got to go now. See you later.”

“Okay all I have to do is to wait a few more hours. A few more hours.”, Rene sighed as she fell asleep.

-------------------------

“Rene?..Rene? Are you awake?”.

Rene groaned as she slowly opened her eyes, “What?..Oh my god YOONGI!”. She jumped into his open arms as he peppered her face with kisses. “I missed you so much jagi”, Yoongi nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. “Youre back youre back youre back”, she stared up at him and smiled the widest smile she has ever smiled in the past 5 months. However, although Yoongi was smiling, she noticed that something was wrong when he started tearing up. “Whats wrong, Yoongi?”,she asked, worried. “Ah its nothing. I just missed being beside you and with you, that’s all”, he smiled sadly as he wiped his tears away. “Ohh..”,she nodded, not convinced though. She felt that something was fishy but she shrugged off the feeling when Yoongi tugged at her sleeve. “Im tired, lets lay down”, he said and he pulled her down with him. She giggled as she rested her head on his arm facing him. “Did Kumamon and Sugabear take good care of you?”, he asked. Rene nodded, “Yepp..”. “Good”,he said quietly. When they were both about to fall asleep, Yoongi suddenly silently croaked out, weakly “I love you Rene. You know that right? What ever happens, Ill always be here for you. You know that right?”. Rene hummed “I do. And I love you too Yoongi.”, before falling into a deep slumber. “I love you”, Yoongi closed his eyes as tears rolled down his face.

--------------------------

 Rene woke up to a cold bed. “Eh?”, she looked around confused, trying to find Yoongi. “Yoongi?”, she got up and walked out of the room and around her house. “Yoongi where are you?”. When she realized that Yoongi was no where to be found, the memory hit her again and she broke into tears.

 1 YEAR AGO

Rene woke up to a cold bed. “Eh?”, she looked around confused, trying to find Yoongi. “Yoongi?”, she got up and walked out of the room and around her house. “Yoongi where are you?”. When she couldn’t find him, she sighed. “He probably went over to the guys’ or something”, she mumbled to herself as she slumped down onto the couch and turned on the TV and onto the news channel. The first thing they said caught her eye. “BREAKING NEWS: PLANE CRASH ON THE WAY TO SOUTH KOREA”. Her breath hitched in her throat. It cant be. There are so many planes. It cant be his.

Her grip on the remote tighted when they mentioned the plane number. “A plane which departed from Hong Kong at 10pm yesterday and was on its way to South Korea when crashed last night due to engine failure. No survivors were found and there were around 200 passengers on board which included BTS’ SUGA-“. She switched it off. No it cannot be. “He must be still with the guys in the dorm, he must be”, she laughed as she quickly got up from her seat as tears blurred her vision. She rushed to her door and opened it just in time as the guys stepped in front of her doorstep.

“Oh hey guys uhm just wondering, wheres Yoongi?”, she stammered, smiling nervously through her tears. The guys looked at each other solemnly while Taehyung wiped a tear that escaped. “Uhm Rene..Yoongi he-“, Namjoon started but she cut him off “Hes with you guys right? Right? He couldn’t come with you guys because there was a problem with his flight ticket so he probably missed you guys too so he went to your dorm early in the morning…right?”. “Uhh…Rene…hes not with us”, Jungkook silently said. “Then where is he? Oh right hes probably going to buy breakfast..Maybe you guys wanna call him to tell him what you want? Hes probably at that store he likes to go every Saturday morning to get bread. The bread there is awesome and he loves it a lot and-“”Rene, hes dead”.

In that moment, Rene snapped “Bullshit! I saw him last night! He came home last night!”.”His flight crashed an hour after they departed from Hong Kong..”, Jin gulped. “H-he cant be. He hugged me last night. We chatted for a while too. He cant be..dead”, Rene cried as she ran to her room to grab her phone and then she saw the messages.

Yoongi: So I guess I can message you now since the plane has wifi ^^ Yippie!

Yoongi: Im so bored, jagi. I cant wait to see you.

Yoongi: I wonder if Kumamon and Sugabear are taking good care of you haha..

Yoongi: Oh shit oh shit Rene, the plane’s acting funny and the crew’s rushing around

Yoongi: Shit, I think something’s wrong

Yoongi: Oh my god the pilot said that the engine failed

Yoongi:Oh my god oh my god, Rene, we’re crashing.

Yoongi: Rene, I love you so much. Ill always be here for you and Ill always watch over you. I love you so so much. Im sorry I cant keep my promise. Im so so sorry. We’ll reunite soon.

Yoongi: I want to go home to you, I just want to go home to you.

Yoongi: I love you Rene.

 She sleeps alone My heart wants to come home I wish I was, I wish I was

[metroidspeedrun]

200 questions omg

Holy fuck200: My crush’s name is: Erik199: I was born in: 1998 in Sacramento198: I am really: Weird197: My cellphone company is: T Mobile196: My eye color is: Dark Brown195: My shoe size is: 8.5194: My ring size is: 6.5 I think?193: My height is: 5’3192: I am allergic to: Nothing191: My 1st car was: N/A190: My 1st job was: Nanny189: Last book you read: Everything Everything (It has been months, it’s sad ik)188: My bed is: V big187: My pet: N/A186: My best friend: Um idk I mean probs you ig lol jk it you185: My favorite shampoo is: I have no idea184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox183: Piggy banks are: Cute but inefficient in today’s economy182: In my pockets: Nothing181: On my calendar: The date for my date and the hours I’ve worked180: Marriage is: Cool if you’re into that sort of thing179: Spongebob can: Be funny sometimes???178: My mom: Is cool sometimes??177: The last three songs I bought were? Hahaha nope176: Last YouTube video watched: Top 10 criminally underrated cartoons175: How many cousins do you have? Hella174: Do you have any siblings? 10173: Are your parents divorced? Nope172: Are you taller than your mom? Nope171: Do you play an instrument? Nope170: What did you do yesterday? Worked 2 shifts [ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: Nah not really168: Luck: Sorta167: Fate: Yes and no166: Yourself: Hahaha yikes that took a turn, I guess I do??165: Aliens: A little bit164: Heaven: Sort of but also not163: Hell: Yes162: God: Yes but like in an unorthodox sort of way161: Horoscopes: Astrology yes but the whole future-predicting part no160: Soul mates: Yes159: Ghosts: No158: Gay Marriage: Yuppp157: War: Nope156: Orbs: In what sense?155: Magic: Yes[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Dark hair 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Blondes149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate145: Night or Day: Day144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: Mac139: Flip flops or high heals: Heels138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and poor137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Cremated134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing133: Coach or Chanel: Neither132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who?131: Small town or Big city: Small town130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller128: Manicure or Pedicure: Pedicure127: East Coast or West Coast: West coast126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither I hate baseball[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: Shitty, like use your fucking words no one has to die what the fuck is your problem121: George Bush: Bleh120: Gay Marriage: Yes119: The presidential election: Disgusting118: Abortion: Not my body, not my business117: MySpace: I had one when everyone had just stopped using it116: Reality TV: Dumb, women come on tv to be objectified and treated like overly-dramatic, catty, snakes115: Parents: They can be ok sometimes114: Back stabbers: Irrelevant to me at this point113: Ebay: Never heard of her112: Facebook: I use it to check on my ex when I miss him sometimes111: Work: Keeps me alive110: My Neighbors: Don’t know them at all109: Gas Prices: Too high, please lower them108: Designer Clothes: Unnecessary, if it’s over $25 chances are I don’t want it107: College: I can’t wait to go back106: Sports: Hockey is good, I like superbowl halftime shows105: My family: They’re okay104: The future: I have the next few years roughly planned out[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Um at pride 102: Last time you ate: 4 hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: At pride100: Cried in front of someone: January 12th99: Went to a movie theater: It was for work and like 2 months ago98: Took a vacation: I was 797: Swam in a pool: Never, can’t swim96: Changed a diaper: Never95: Got my nails done: 1 year ago94: Went to a wedding: 12 years ago this October93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: 16 years ago91: Broke the law: Um a few weeks ago probably jaywalking but it’s whatevs90: Texted: Yesterday[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Probs you tbh88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Sleep87: The last movie I saw: IWTV86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Getting paid85: The thing im not looking forward to: Waking up at 5 tomorrow84: People call me: Little Foot83: The most difficult thing to do is: Stay asleep all night82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: No81: My zodiac sign is: Leo sun80: The first person i talked to today was: My mom79: First time you had a crush: I was 878: The one person who i can’t hide things from: You77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Not in a while76: Right now I am talking to: No one75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Grow old74: I have/will get a job: I have a job73: Tomorrow: I have work again72: Today: I took a nap71: Next Summer: I will take more naps70: Next Weekend: I will try to take a nap69: I have these pets: N/A68: The worst sound in the world: Fire alarms67: The person that makes me cry the most is: My grandma but like that’s a natural response I think66: People that make you happy: You, Zoey, my boys, my sons, Maddie, and my boss 65: Last time I cried: Probably yesterday I can’t remember lol64: My friends are: All fucking great63: My computer is: Smol62: My School: Is old but nice61: My Car: N/A60: I lose all respect for people who: Say the ‘f’ word59: The movie I cried at was: IWTV58: Your hair color is: Dark brown bc it’s been less sunny 57: TV shows you watch: Gotham, Born This Way, Intervention, Stitchers, Andi Mack56: Favorite web site: Twitter55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere where I can sleep in a chair that vibrates54: The worst pain I was ever in was: When my back swelled and I had to go to the emergency room53: How do you like your steak cooked: Not at all lol52: My room is: Organized chaos51: My favorite celebrity is: Atm Kehlani50: Where would you like to be: In a massage chair but not an agressive one49: Do you want children: Yes48: Ever been in love: Yes47: Who’s your best friend: You46: More guy friends or girl friends: Equal amount tbh45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Long rides44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Literally all my friends at once43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Yes42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: No41: Have you pre-named your children: Maybe40: Last person I got mad at: Matthew probs39: I would like to move to: A sleepy lil town somewhere38: I wish I was a professional: Social worker[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Spicy paletas36: Vehicle: Station Wagons35: President: N/A, I think they were all lw bad34: State visited: Nevada33: Cellphone provider: T Mobile ig32: Athlete: Nah31: Actor: Larenz Tate30: Actress: Carey Mulligan29: Singer: Fuckin um… Christina Aguilera28: Band: MCR27: Clothing store: SheIn26: Grocery store: WinCo25: TV show: Finding Carter (1st season)24: Movie: IWTV atm23: Website: Twitter22: Animal: Elephant or giraffe21: Theme park: Idk never been20: Holiday: Earth Day19: Sport to watch: Hockey18: Sport to play: Tennis17: Magazine: Teen Vogue16: Book: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea15: Day of the week: Monday, Friday, Saturday14: Beach: Idk never been, can’t swim13: Concert attended: N/A12: Thing to cook: Chili11: Food: Vegan orange chicken10: Restaurant: Anna’s Vegan Cafe9: Radio station: 103.58: Yankee candle scent: Death lol idk7: Perfume: White citrus6: Flower: Stargazer lily5: Color: Sage green, pastel yellow, dusty rose4: Talk show host: N/A3: Comedian: Baron Vaughn or Ron Funches2: Dog breed: I love all dogs but pitbulls 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeah I think so