#im sick of fucking all of it
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#if my depression could fucking cool it that would be great#I’m so sick of feeling like shit#I’m so sick of intrusive thoughts#im sick of fucking all of it#I don’t even know what to do at this point#I’m in therapy I’m on meds I even did an inpatient program and I’m still just as bad as ever#I fucking hate this#callingthefruitsquad
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i dont want to go to class i dont want to be at home i dont want any of it. im so fucking sick of this shit.
#toad rambles#delete later#dont read the tags its not fucking important#i wasnt going to get this angry but look what happened.#im sick of being held at a completely different standard#im sick of fucking all of it#im sick of hearing about how the ‘older kids arent doing enough’ WHEN WE FUCKING ARE#WHEN WE DO FUCKING EVERYTHING#WE ARE ACTUALLY IN FUCKING SCHOOL WE HAVE JOBS WE ARE DOING EVERYTHING#AND THEY FUCKING WHINE AND WHINE ABOUT EVERYTHING#BUT NO#ITS MY FUCKING FAULT#THINGS ARENT GETTING DONE ITS MY FAULT I MISS ONE STUPID FUCKING CHORE ITS MY FAULT#I AM SICK OF IT#IM SICK OF ALL OF IT#I WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE#I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE#IM SICK OF ALL MY SHIT BEING IN BAGS IM SICK OF HAVING FUCKING NOTHING#IM SICK OF BEING TOLD ITLL BE OK IM SICK OF IT IM SICK OF IT IM SICK OF IT#THIS IS STUPID AND UNFAIR#THIS IS SO FUCKING STUPID AND UNFAIR#BUT ITS MY FAULT IF IM ANGRY ITS MY FAULT IF IM UPSET#ILL JUST BECOME THE DRAMA#BECAUSE THATS WHAT HAPPENS#IF YOU SPEAK UP YOURE JUST DRAMATIC#i miss my dad. i want to go back to how things were before. i miss home#i just miss home
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
#this is true#writeblr#warm up#relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes#amongst the Siblings#is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting#like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good#(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and#like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract#to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids#so like she was right to stock up#ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that#u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it#> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes#> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9#when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters#i am the middle child#out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite
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I think it needs to be said in light of VERY recent events that violence on the MAGA front is about to increase tenfold. They will see this as permission to carry out the violence they've been promising since day one. Don't fearmonger, just keep yourselves and your families wary. Please stay safe out there, americans.
#current events#trump#maga#politics#god im so sick of this stupid fucking country#theres also a nonzero chance this was all staged. i think if it was actually an assassination attempt they wouldnt have missed by such a#small fraction#dont let this overshadow what the government is doing in gaza right now either
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my sweet old man who is genuinely too kind for the world he lives in :(
#decadentart#bloodborne#retired hunter djura#he makes me so sick hes actually so fucking sweet when i think about it#Yes i gave her a skirt. whenever i draw the people of old yharnam i slways give tbem little accesories :)#the colors are a bit wonky because i intially drew it Reeaaalllyy Dark also idk i picked out some weird ass colors for the pallete#every time you shoot him off that tower an angel looses its wings#legimitately got upset when i killed him for his set#made sure he didnt fall to his death though. thats called bullying when you knock him off btw#also yeah i hc that the beasts are chill w him . and slso he knows all of their names#first maintagged art on this blog. shudders. i hope the fans dont eat me alive im serious you guys scare me#the halo was necessary btw#so anxious…. SEND IT! RAHHH!!! MY AUTISM BLAST GO!
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I'm not the kind of person that's like "Here let me fix the canon" usually but like holy crap gen 5 implied a lot of messed up shit about our hero Twilight Sparkle lmao
#It almost says something about the dangers of undertakin responsabilities alone#the nuanced idea of putting heroes on a pedestal being inherently self destructive#hell its kind of funny that Sunny idolizing her is objectively wrong#her legacy was a house of cards!#but I digress#I hope this post isnt swinging a bat at a hornet's nest#but y'know#this is also related to my fics lmao#bc of course#twilight sparkle#sunset shimmer#gen 4#gen 5#pony posting#mlp gen 4#my little pony#friendship is magic#Also like. Celestia herslef regretted banishing luna#and shes happier ruling WITH a partner#meanwhile twilight is like “Ok im not even on my thirties time to undertake all of this”#bonkers! Nuts!#its almost like. entirely accurate#entirely purposefull that her rule would fail completely#Wouldn't it be fucking sick for sunset to try again#to give it another shot!!!#now that shes better#changed for the better by none other than twi#i wrote fics of this lmaooo#fanfiction#writing stuff
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miserable fucking creature
#guilty gear#paracelsus#paracelsus guilty gear#yeah i'll main tag this#THIS IS THE INTRO FOR THE TOP SIX OF EVO AND IM LOSING MY MIND#HES AT THE EQUIVALENT OF THE KIDS TABLE WITH ALL THE INANIMATE WEAPONS#THIS IS FUCKING KILLING ME#HE LOOKS SO SICK OF BEING ALIVE#flash warning#< jic
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can we pleasee please please stop fucking fearmongering and blaming trans men for the predstrogen situation. please god. posts about "trans men teaming up with terfs to get trans women banned!" with zero sources all over my dash. blaming "transandrophobia truthers" for all the transmisogyny. have you all lost your fucking minds?? what the fuck happened to t4t??? what the fuck happened to trans solidarity??? why is "transfem separatism" even a subject worth entertaining????
anyone who says other trans people are the enemy is a fucking fed. jesus christ
#my blood is fucking boiling right now and my heart is breaking#i keep seeing people go off the deep end with 'trans men arent oppressed! trans men face no discrimination because they have male privilege#its the fucking 2010 “trans men are betraying their female gender!” shit all over again!#transandrophobia#fleapit's patented rants#sorry im just. so sick of it.#saw it from a fucking FORCE-MASC BLOG like are you serious???
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Marvel Meow (2021), Nao Fuji | Professor X and Magneto
Bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#professor x#magneto#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus leshnerr#snap scans#i dont scan ever please forgive me for. Everything jvAE:KJ i tried my best to match the purple as how it looks in person#i love the purple used for this whole comic .. its really nice#all the comics have different colors its neat yall should check it out if youre able. its a lovely silly collection#BUT GIRL PLEAAAASSSEE IM CRYING#as a part of my Visiting My Family For The Weekend trip my bro and i went to the store#and i told him about the wolverine cat comic and the whole collection and he found it while we were browsing ....#naturally i got it. because i love the idea of cats being heinous freaks ESPECIALLY to my faves#this all did happen because of a cat. btw. phoenix possessed one while scott and jean were baking a cake#which had everyone trying to catch it. leading to. this. jWLRAKJAWRLKJKJ#this is 1000% has 'we'll be back by 8PM please keep the house clean' vibes i'm sobbing LIKE WHERE ARE THEY RETURNING FROM#also can i just say ... i love it when american comic book characters get the manga treatment#idk i just love it ... i esp love how wolverine's drawn in these comics but. this aint about him#i just wanted to gush about my favorite old people LIKE PLEASE CHARLES IS GOING TO HAVE A STROKE I SEE IT#the fact they still got that goofy lil 'welcome back charles and erik' banner im going to be sick. theyre the whole mansions dads#anyway i have an assignment to do. because my prof hates me Who The Fuck Makes An Assignment due At 12:59AM#bye bye hpoefully ill be back with my own doodles ajvlekjla
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Suspirium - Thom York
#this is my very favorite song and i think ive been wanting to make this for abt a year#when i was at my most compulsivly unwell i would be focusing so hard and sleeping so little that i would feel physically sick#like the world was tilting around me and i would think: all is well as long as i keep spinning#bc i would stop moving and suddenly id be in pieces on the floor. but now i think my favorite lines are: when i arrive will u come and find#me? or in a croud be one of them? bc its such a profoundly lonely idea. i dont believe in a life after death. i think when ur gone ur gone#your brain stops and the thing that made you you is gone forever. but if i imagined an afterlife image getting off a train onto a crowded#platform and searching for my mom through all the chaos. when i arrive will u come and find me? would our connect extend past a lifetime?#or would u be in a crowed one of them? would i stand alone in a sea of people waiting for someone who was never coming?#its a very upsetting thought#im glad i waited to make this bc i feel the song more deeply after the death of my mom. it feels more sad and more ethereal.#there r like 2 different versions of the lyrics bc thom york is so fucking hard to understand#so i use the version i like better#original art
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WHEEEEEE
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#i drew this insteabd of payong attention to class. Sorry.#And am posting it while i wait for the bus. I ha e sleey disease#SLEEPY.#emu otori from um . fortntie#Rhebusihesjehr THE BUS IS HERE BYYE#edit ok im back waiting for my transfer BROTHER. THE ANNIVIERYUAEYH it got me so fucked up prsk you crazy son of a gun#I THINK THE NEW OUTFITS ARE RLLY CUTE MIKU SOOOO KITTY#im almost done with all of my commsni dont think i will open them again this semester. or next. summer. Im sho tired#my assignments r fun but theyre like big. Theyrbe large#my prof said he was gonna make us make fur/sonas for an assignment hut didnt want to get fired. dont be a coward#proseka autism is killinng me i cant lie WHY IS DARKNESS FESTA TIERING SO FUCKING CRAZY#IVE NEVER EVER SEEN THE 10K CUTOFF REACH A MILLION POINTS ON EN. USUALLY WE SLACK SO HARD. COME ON#im so sleepy and have things to do please sotp it AND CURTAINCALL IM GONNA BE SICK I CANT TRHJNK ABOUT IT
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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this would’ve been Alicent when she was 14. (same age she was married off to Viserys.)
don’t mind me im just crying and screaming and throwing up!!!
#this is emily when shes about 14#im so sick#alicent hightower#young alicent hightower#young alicent#emily carey#young emily carey#hotd#house of the dragon#hotd alicent#show alicent#all my homies hate viserys#i actually need to fucking stone him to death im so serious#him and otto by the gods you better pray i somehow never get my hands on you#‘they dont exist’ i will force myself into the screen to physically beat them to death actually#viserys targaryen
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his problem now
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home24uck#dirk strider#admin draws#fanart#drew this real quicj before i forced myself to work. exam on wednesaday im just about ready to end it all#im tired constantly and so fucking bad at sleeping during the day. i just cannot. i cant. its impossible#even if i get into a completely dark room and comfy unless im about to get sick or slept 5ish hours for many consecutive days#theres about a 80% chance the nap will fail catastrophically and i wotn fall asleep at all
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i love ford getting mad @ stan & accidentally triggering a flashback/bad memory recollection & that startling him enough for him to stop being angry
major wake up call. i love that man getting humbled
hmmmm yes i love it i'll take 20
bonus thing that happens Later
#in the life#my art#pheo doodles#gravity falls#stanley pines#stanford pines#yes thanks to the other anon who inspired the 'stan's fever gets too high so ford has to run a bath for him'#cuz in that last one stan is Kinda coming back from the delirium but still only vaguely aware#so his though process went like#'fuck fuck fuck its freezing gotta turn up the heater in my car- oh thats not a dial thats a hand. six fingers. ford?#he hasnt kept me company when im sick since we were kids. maybe we still are. maybe it was all a bad dream.'#also ford isnt rlly mad at stan here. hes losing it because stan was RECKLESS and it SCARED HIM#but uh. he doesnt show it very well#and they do look an awful lot like their pa dont they?
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“Rae, why does this coin look so unique compared to the other yen?”
“Oh! See how this one has a face instead of the number of value on it? It’s because this is American currency, this here is a quarter, worth 25 cents. They have George Washington’s portrait in them.”
“That- That’s George Washington!? The first president of the United States!?”
“Uh… yah? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing! I simply, uhm… envisioned him rather differently than… this.”
Based on Even in the Next One !!! This isn’t an actual scene inside the chapters, but it’s just so easy to imagine them with how lively they feel. Please go give it a read if you haven’t yet <3
To @jobrrr : AUUGHH I’M IN LOVE WITH YOUR FIC!!! It has been a few months since I last became this invested in one :’D It just feels SO real and there are so many thoughts in my head as a result; hopefully I overcome my shyness and drop a comment proper sometime soon. Thank you for your service.
ALSO @melpymoo ! HUGE thank you for reading this alongside me omfg this is crazy, never before has a hyperfix been revived this violently 😭 Ty for granting me the space to be totally normal about these 2, looking forward to the rest of your reactions ^^
#I was planning on working on this in the server vc while we listened to the LN2 audiobook#But I got so fucking invested all over again I didnt and actually just sat there in dread#counting the pages until *that* scene on the final chapter arrived#i was sick#i was ill#its okay though drawing afterwards was my therapy#ANYWAYS#im gonna go read ch12 now wish me luck im worried#ilu Rei Oohashi you’ll forever be famous no matter if you can make a crème brûlée or not#just PLEASE COMMUNICATE#long live yuri#okay tag time#watashi no oshi wa akuyaku reijou#wataoshi#i’m in love with the villainess#im in love with the villainess#claire francois#rae taylor#rei ohashi#iftv#iltv
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