#im sick again but when am i not tbh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

devourable · 1 year ago

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Curious about how Sterling would react to a Darling encouraging him to find self-worth outside of his grades and status. If he could divorce his self-worth from those things, what might he find them in next? Apologies if this question is too far removed from the point of Sterling as a character (like asking if Darling tried to leave the school b/c of him).

No pressure to answer, of course~! Just love-hate him so much. Wanna throw a graphing calculator at him one moment (did it to a bully back in grade school, would do it again. 10/10 very satisfying, very effective 😌✨), and kiss him stupid the next. Dunno what you put in your characters to make them so addicting but you gotta stop 😩 /lh

~Doe 🦌

P.S. hope you’re having a good week so far :D

i put crack cocaine in my ocs. hope this helps 🫶 /j

naur but for real. i feel like if you encouraged sterling to find his self worth outside of his grades, he'd scoff and brush it off, may even get a bit bitchy over the suggestion because it implies that he isn't as in control of the life that hes spent so long curating into being 'perfect'. however he'd make some small changes after you bring it up; spending slightly less time studying to read things he likes, composing and playing music for fun rather than for practice, just little things so his life is a bit more bearable. he's very used to his hectic competitive schedule and will not slack off enough to let his grades be less than perfect, but if he can juggle an obsession with you with his normal life and still maintain top ranks then he can squeak in a hobby or two to get you off his back lmfao.

asking sterling to completely divorce his self worth from the thing hes dedicated his life to is asking him to give up part of his identity and he's just not going to do that. but he could definitely learn to live a little once he learns a healthier balance 😌

#inbox | not a bot just shy #🪶 sterling cygnus #im sick again but when am i not tbh #im happier lately tho bc sept is my bday month 🫶

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 5 months ago

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i hate doing laundry ough it's The Worst

#not only does leaning down to move my stuff hurt my back #but i have to touch dirty clothes and go into the dirty room and touch the dirty machines and i have to wear 2 pairs of socks (so my #normal socks dont touch the contaminated floor) and when i lean over the washing machine my clothes touch it <-the worst part of it all #tbh. now my current clothes are dirty but i have nothing to change into and i will have to wear them all day and it makes me SICK #and i cannot talk abt how dirty the garage (where the laundry machines are) it makes me nauseous that place kills me if i never #had to go into it ever again i would and i have to carry a laundry basket (dirty) and it touches my clothes when i carry it (disgusting)#and now my clothes are even more dirty and i feel like i cant touch any of my things bc i dont want to infect them but i cant just do #nothing all day when i have to do laundry but it makes me so SICK i need smth to cover all of my clothes but everything i've tried misses #some part and my clothes are ruined and it makes me SICK how am i supposed to do school or draw or anything when it's so bad #i have everything scheduled so i can take a shower and go straight to bed after i'm done but still it's so bad and it stresses me tf out #and i have to do laundry every 3 days because i only have 3 towels to use after showering and even if i did have more towels #i still would have to do laundry as often bc i couldnt handle doing multiple loads or having bigger loads my back couldnt handle that #w the system i have set up now it's just bad it;s all bad i hate doing laundry #i dream of one day where i can do laundry in a better way i think it'd involve not having the washer and dryer down steps bc that's #dangerous for one and for two not having them in a garage bc garages stress me out and three to have smth to cover all of my clothes #and 4 to have machines that dont need me to bend down idk if they have ones like that but it hurts #anyway that's it for listening to dux complain abt smth that ultimately doesnt matter and is only a problem bc their brain #chemistry is off #k bye i have to go do laundry *explodes* and take an exam *explodes* it;s an essay exam *explodes* and then im going #to like sit around feeling sick thumbs up emoji

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bunnihearted · 8 months ago

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🍽️😔🎻

#soo blah blah need to vent again abt my health issue situation 💀#yuh so like im so sick nd tired of whats going on. nd not being able to just eat whatever i feel like whenever #it's emotionall draining tbh. im always thinking abt what i could maybe try nd im always like ohh gotta make sure the portion is small etc #it's annoying me sm bc i can def feel the effects of me not getting the right nd enough nutrients nd vitamins etc etc #i get dizzy nd my vision is hazy sometimes. nd im like forgetful bc the other the when i walked home i kept getting lost nd had to walk back #nd forth several times nd i was like ?!?!? what?! i've lived here for 25yrs nd now i just cannot for the life of me rmbr the way #also i am so weak in my body. like carrying even a small amound or books nd groceries nd walking for 30min makes me exhausted #my legs are actually shaking when i get back home nd every step feels like im walking in cement #plus i just wanna be able to go to the gym nd build muscle. but if i dont get enough protein in me i cant build muscles T-T #what else... yeah also i do miss food bc of comfort. like my coffee + chcolate everyday makes me genuinely happy lmao #but i just want the food situation to be normal bc even w veggies im like oh no that is too gas building that is too hard to digest etc etc #it's mentally gruelling to not know how tf to get all the important nutrients!! i def have several deficiences lmao :((#im so over it. but theres nothing i can do. i wish i could just not think abt it 24/7 tho #also. im the thinnest i've ever been BUT. i am constantly bloated so i look fkn pregnant. so i cant even enjoy looking the skinnier

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piplupod · 9 months ago

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mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good #not the worst definitely not the worst #just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.)#and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama''#number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu #my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything #and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that!#im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me #''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP.#i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind #like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.''#and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/''#mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over #i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family #this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!!#i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!!#i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible #i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out #i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose #i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!!#i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts #i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them #sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay #im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon #just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid #it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!!#or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that #suicide tw #abuse tw #ed tw

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cinnamon-bunni · 3 months ago

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NOT okay right now im thinking abt pokemon leaving scars on their trainers + everyday, domestic problems.....

#this is abt my top gun au btw <3333 which will forever haunt me even though im less likely to write it everyday </3333 #like.....getting thin scars from rowlet as a kid which have now all basically faded to time #(though the ones gained as a teen from dartrix can still be seen)#while in the other hand always having angry red scratches along both arms because hes always holding up rufflet who fights like no tomorrow #(believe me; its better to hold him up and take the damage than put him down and let rufflet pick a fight with someone)#OR like....getting electrical burns because elekid doesnt know how to control its discharge yet. and the scars that stay bc of that #(which tbh is an ash + pikachu thing i would love to see)#or how one accidental poison jab from toxicroak will leave you utterly sick for days #(like serious he should probably go to a hospital or smth) and toxi just has the biggest saddest puppy dog eyes in existence it feels so ba #(its fine this has happened before he'll be fine. probably)#bruisings on your shins bc pawmot punches your legs to grab your attention or to get smth it wants....#rooms always being like ten to twenty degrees colder (or even more) when he has his ice pokemon out for whatever reason...#the reverse of that with fire types..... ough...#having to BEG flygon not to fly rn bc it starts a sandstorm every fucking time and it does it anyway #(PLEASE i took you out of your ball to eat dinner why cant yiu behave this one time)#and then dragonair fixing it to be clear skies again.....the never ending cycle....#any trainer who have pokemon that start sandstorm needing a pair of safety goggles for when they battle #(maybe even bringing a spare just in case or--if theyre kind enough--for their opponent to wear so they can see too)#dont even get me started on mythical pokemon interacting with the tg characters.....#anyway tried to stay as vague as possible for the characters lolol #bergmite is just a lil guy who wants to be carried around like all the other small 'mons....i am so sorry sweetie you are over 200 pounds #you cannot be perched on your trainers shoulder like someone else's rufflet can #having ice burns bc froslass tried to freeze him.....#anyway. can you tell i love pokemon #sorry to anyone who sees this in the pokemon tag </333 #delete later #i feel like im begging on my knees for someone to ask abt my au....but also if they did id die of embarrassment from answering it...#the pros and cons of having a dumb little au </3 #sigh maybe one day i'll write a fic... (<-keeps saying it but has written nothing for it (yet))

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lovelyisadora · 5 months ago

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Only just woke up, somehow made it down the stairs, and got hit with the ‘everyone has aches and pains suck it up’ talk. Sorry but if everyone had aches and pains the way I did, they’d have my exact diagnosis. Getting really sick of the way my family forgets I’m disabled. And when I point this out to them I’m told ‘there’s no reason to get aggressive’ okay.

#it’s laughable that they were like do you need to rent a wheelchair at the horrible museum/park we went to #I didn’t get one of course. and later regretted it. but like—#you can’t be like yes. isadora uses a cane and sometimes a wheelchair #and then turn around and say well everyone has aches and pains #okay? like yes. we’re all sore from the hikes and the car rides. but you guys can actually walk like are you seeing the difference here #recovery time is Needed. I am going to be in pain at least three times as long and also. can’t walk easily! so like #no I don’t think you all have aches and pains like I do #then they were like well how do you know what kind of pain im in and like. again #i was like if yall were in the same amount of pain or more. you’d have my diagnosis. so come on what are we gonna do here im sick of this #they’re talking about going to busch gardens and they’re like of course isadora will need a wheelchair and someone will have to push her #(accompanied with an eye roll and a muttered why can’t she just walk like the rest of us it’s not that bad. but I’ll take it)#and it’s like. you guys can remember im disabled when it benefits you!! being in the wheelchair means fast passes usually 🙃#anyway. hidden disabilities are so fun!!! like y’all I am disabled enough the state government recognized it #and paid for my medical leave. that is not nothing!!!!!!!!#anyway. I probably won’t be downstairs for long. think im going back to bed after this one tbh. my mother is impossible

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23meteorstreet · 2 years ago

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waiting patiently for the day i can get hd caps of fool's paradise bc i have shit i need to say abt the last scene

#and other things...#also tbh im sick of having to dig through rude ass l*tt*rb*xd comments for analysis & 35373 ppl on here bitching abt critics #i want actual discussion & content #& drawings of latte & lenny wearing shirts that say ''if lost return to lenny'' and ''i am lenny''#or sth like that im not good at hcs or w/e lol #im in a weird mood #also i need to watch it again period but when i can actually pause it #& the only pirated version i could find that wasnt just malware had ads for some site all over it

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seiwas · 9 months ago

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everyone is being so sweet in my inbox this valentine's 🥺 i will get to you soon! and hop in inboxes too!! 🥺 sorry if it's taking a while, i am not ignoring i prommy!!

#i am so sorry 😭😭😭 im so sick rn but when i feel better best believe ill be sendin everyone valentine's day packages 🥺#currently working on the atsumu fic too and tbh thank god i wrote that outline before i got this sick LOL #i do nAWT have the capacity to think of sequence of events rn 😭#i wanted to participate in all the valentine's events too!! 🥲🥲🥲#i talked so much again

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undefeatablesin · 1 year ago

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Have this wip panel from page 9 of Altar because I just love Arianna to pieces and can't control my urge to talk about her all the time lol ✨️

#sin scribbles #(cries screams throws up blood etc just girly things)#(she is so special...i get genuinely upset now whenever i play bb bc i know i cant save her and it makes me SICK!!!)#(but thats what my copium aus are for dont u kno)#(decided i dont care anymore and will embrace my pencil sketches bc no matter how hard i try my lined stuff gives me frenzy buildup)#(embrace the cronch)#(hemmmmmgh pomcil)#(god.....it feels so good to work on this comic again!!!!!!!)#(i mean i say that like its been 5000 years. its been 3 weeks 😂)#(artblock + adhd just be like that tho)#(everyone on discord has probably fucken had it with me and my ability to talk for 5000000000000 days about her. sorry. not rly)#(look. is it MY fault. that she is so lovely. no ✨️)#(i am also having an immensely good time writing her for In The Reeds. im obsessed frankly.)#(well tbf enjoying writing everyone in that fic 😂)#(dont expect consistency from me when it comes to rendering/art style bc i also dont know what im doing tbh lol 💙)

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 2 years ago

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I keep listening to different pieces of music that I love and then my brain comes in all helpful with 'this sounds like great music to die with doesn't it'

#tw suicide #im just. so tired #and i know that right now part of it is im sick (not covid tho) but still.#and it's like im grieving the lost friendship all over again and what might have been #i am the best version of myself when im with the boy. but now no wonder he is avoiding me. and i don't blame him! but for some reason it's #hitting rlly hard again atm and it's just. Im Sad.#i really don't know why that's so prevalent in my mind right now #and it's rlly not safe for me to drive long distances alone i think. i find driving v stressful #and any guesses what *that* leads to #tw sh #the answer was: a frightening amount.#and then there are things i don't understand #my brother begged me to destroy the suicide note i wrote yesterday #and i don't know why. because it's very unlikely to be something that i would stop to do tbh. so what there is would at least explain #*something* perhaps. i don't know #i have spent more than half of my waking hours in the last week seriously thinking of suicide. i don't know how to stop this #and given that i've read two books in full and gone to a play i enjoyed that says something about what hte rest of the time has been filled #with. i don't know how to get out of this. in some ways i feel like it's worse now than it was bc i expected it to get better when mum and #dad got back. if anything it's worse - more constant.#the lows are not quite as low but the baseline is definitely lower #i am just feeling very hopeless rn #yesterday i was driving and reciting psalm 23 and i was so overcome with emotion and i repeated it multiple times and that helped somewhat #but only in the moment ig. i don't know. i don't know how to fix this or even improve it #if im still feeling like this on monday i am so going to walk over the road and straight-up ask to borrow a kitten overnight.#and hope the kitten doesn't decide to go near all the cuts :(#a part of me is genuinely wondering if i should check myself into a psych ward. the other parts of me say either that this isn't bad enough #for that or thta i am simply too scared to. which is true. nasty stuff in psych wards for obvious reasons #anyway i need prayers thankyou

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dapper-nahrwhale · 1 year ago

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Hmmm. Having a predicament and I am curious to see what I should do cuz like:

So one of my players will not be available to play in the next session of our fairy tale ttrpg game. Not a big problem, but we have had this planned for weeks as it was one of the only times all 6 people are avalible to play. Now, we could just catch them up later.

But last session I thought it was about time to reveal some big plot things to the players (ie their world is not real, they are characters in a book, the world has just been destroyed and now they have to figure out what to do next as a group, they believe everyone they know to be dead, they arent but they dont know that yet, there are wars going on abt things they dont even know abt yet). And we couldn't play the week after the big stuff, so now we can finally play.

But I dont want to leave anyone out of these big things, as I am going to be revealing even more stuff abt how the world works now and going thru some individual character story arcs with them. I could just put off doing those things till later, not that big a problem usually. But I have also been doing that since the very first session.

And also everyone is really really eager and wanting to play again, and this is not the first time someone has had to miss a game, actually we havent had all 6 players there for a session together since the first one, and that was 5 months ago. Every other time I put off revealing the big things, but now I already did, and cant really put any more filler in it for them (and last session when the world got destroyed, I had anticipated all players to be there, and 2 couldn't make it at the last minute and I went through with my plans anyways, and caught up the others later in individual sessions. And that worked out well enough, it was just alot to do, and now that things are more serious I anticipate ill be doing that for everyone who misses a session, because things are going to be moving at a much faster pace now.)

And I am also very very tired of planning out things for them, and then having half the players be there, and having to come up with new things and not being able to continue or create any bigger plot points, and now seeing as we are in the bigger plot things going on, I kinda really would like everyone to be there from now on. But also. I do not anticipate being able to get everyone there for any session, as it has been an impossible feat for the entire campaign.

I AM going to be consulting with the group to see what they would like to do as a whole, but you know. I am curious to see what other people would do tbh.