#im self diagnosing here
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every time i drink coffee i just get more eepy and sometimes i have the best sleep after drinking a cup.
pls tell me this is not an autism/neurodivergent thing
#im convinced everything weird w me is bcs of autism#im self diagnosing here#dsm-5 who?#actually autistic#autism#austism spectrum disorder#neurodivergent#how do i use tumblr#chronically online
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Everytime I think of lucifer morningstar I feel like this stupid fucking creature I can't beat the autism allegations anymore.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel lucifer#lucifer morningstar#hazbin lucifer#im working on getting a diagnosis dw 😭#i do have professionals involved with it too we do not self diagnose here
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it's always funny when you're in a mood for reading some stuff about mental illnesses, disorders etc. and you pick one to do a deep dive into, and you read, read, read to finally have is this fucking play about us moment jdksjdjejd
#ofc im not self-diagnosing based on like 30 minutes of reading#but here we have another thing to look out for and think about huh
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dietitian warned me the other day i may need to go inpatient if this keeps getting worse and it hasn't left my mind ever since. partly because i don't see the reason. i am literally gaining weight. and also because a non-zero part of me wants to go back inpatient and i don't know why
#and also because self destructive impulse go brrrrrr#steadily lying more and more about being full again so that's fun#unfortuantely eating disorders are chronic and will only go into remission not go away entirely!!! so if i just die that will solve that#problem right :)#personal#tw suicide#tw ed#puddleglum hours#i don't want ot have to keep myself alive anymore!! i am so tired#i don't even have a diagnosed eating disorder lol#hilariously funny to me in a terrible way#diagnosed with Big Sad disorder (mdd) but not Can't Eat disorder which is what i originally went to get help with when i first reach out to#a doctor#you know how often i regret that? so so often#im just here like LET ME DIE when the two times in teh last two days i have been Left Alone With Knives i have Talked Myself Out of using#them#in part because im scared of trying and failing again#in part also because i don't want to scar my siblings yknow?? like a friend once said that sometimes you refrain from doing things for othe#people and not yourself and i think she was so right
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I'm supposed to be asleep but I'm thinking thoughts and this is all it has culminated as:
POV you're me trying to logic/reason away what are probably actual symptoms of a mental health...thing BUT IT ARGUABLY IS ONLY PROVING IT MORE??
#vagueposting again about mental health stuff#idk#i just have a lot overwhelming guilt#and as far as connecting dots#i can see it#it makes sense#but i dont want it to?#its not like a ' i dont wanna have another mental health thing'#its a ' i feel weird about self diagnosing and am hesitant to do so'#SAME THING HAPPENED SITH AUTISM#TOOK ALMOST A YEAR FOR ME TO FINALLY BE LIKE#OKAY YEAH AUTISM LIVES HERE#Its different tho#its so complicated#and i#i cant get help for it rn#i hate hate hate relying on a self diagnosis without someone else to corroborate#i feel bad#i feel guilty#not like im taking resources but like a frahd#fraud#i can spell#tags are so great#no one is gonna read em ;)#if you do im so sorry lmap#im really just#idk like i can connect dots all i want but im always gonna feel guilty and like a fraud#until someone tells me that my fears were right#or worse
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aren't we tired. aren't we all tired
#speak friend and enter#as gently as possible: if you are out here asking 'are you mad at me' without any trace of irony you need to grow up#'but im autistic and can't read social cues' so am i. but social cues are like anything else - you can learn to read them!! and you should!#i am sooooo tired of this site's main demographic's insistence that being neurodivergent absolves them of all social responsibility#like. the internet is one thing but in real life people are going to expect you to know when they're upset with you.#i know in my case that's not always easy for me to know right off the bat - BUT i can analyse the situation and figure it out#and respond accordingly.#but if you just go 'well im self diagnosed autistic so i can't bear any intellectual weight here' people aren't going to want to talk to yo#im sorry if that seems harsh but it's true.#and sometimes you're going to misinterpret a situation and make some kind of faux pas but guess what: you will live#neurotypical people do it all the time. it's a whole genre. farces are have been and will be made all the time#but life goes on and you can't remedy those kinds of situations by throwing up your hands and going 'well im blameless bc im neurodivergent
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"I don't like when my kids are sick/hurt" was a wild thing to hear my mom tell my sister after she had surgery (she's fine, just needed to remove a cyst) the other day seeing as this is how she responded when I threw up from (what I assume was) food poisoning a few weeks ago:
And then proceeded to yell at me for spending money on food (I was eating Wingstop) when she got home despite the fact I had thrown up and was on the couch trying to ride it out
#luckily that was the only time i puked that day but like. what the fuck man#“i dont like wgen my kids are sick” yeah okay whatever#i dont like to armchair diagnose so i dont wanna say my mom has npd or anything but she is the most self absorbed person i have ever met#and has a LOT of narcissistic tendencies#narcisstic mother#the difference here is that my sister is the golden child who can do know wrong and im about 99% sure she sees me as a disappointment
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one of my controversial opinions is i won't stop using the word narcissist in a way its been used my whole life because of a psychiatric label/diagnosis that shouldn't be called that in the first place
#like feel free to disagree but everytime people get mad at a usage of that word in a way - as far as i know - far older than#the INSULTING psychiatric diagnosis i lose my mind a little#the damn personality disorder's name is the problem here#i remember a friend from group therapy calling me just like sooo upset and distressed bc the therapists put that in her diagnosis papers#and like she didnt even know what exactly that was supposed to mean but its a hurtful label to be Diagnosed With#like can we fucking. criticize that and psychiatry sometimes instead of being like#omg dont call people self centered assholes :/ look up self centered asshole disorder you ignorant bitch#anyways im half asleep so this might be incoherent#i just keep seeing that post thats like abt how people misuse terms like love bombing and trauma bonding etc#and im like YEAH! GOOD#and then the damn narcissist part kicks in
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#not to self diagnose but something is wrong etc#ok im not seriously diagnosing myself with anything here. just being silly goofy for a minute#it's not like i can go to a therapist about it anyway
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beyond any doubt, maria is an evermore/reputation/midnights stylised character
#evermore (death and endings) reputation (self explanatory) midnights (she’s mentally ill)#this post came from me reflecting on my utter evermore girlie-ness :) anyway im here i hope this was enlightening#let me diagnose your characters as tswift albums thesis included
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should be illegal for people to use psychological diagnoses to describe others if they arent psych professionals im soo serious pls stop u do more harm than good.
#not even talking self diagnosis here im talking about diagnosing OTHERS. even if u have a diagnosis urself it doesnt mean ure necessarily#equipped to diagnose others#especially if its about personality disorders#the way 'narcissism' is thrown around these days especially on german social media is so dangerous and just simply not okay#stop
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really is incredible how i can think sometimes for even a second that i might be neurotypical
#the past few days have really showed the truth of the situation. not that that wasnt already apparent#but srsly i'll be like ''maybe im just a cringe self diagnoser who isnt actually neurodivergent''#and then shit like this happens where ive been going to bed as late as 8 FUCKING AM bcuz im too fixated on FRIDAY NIGHT FUNKIN of all#things to go to fucking sleep. brother if this isnt hyperfixation i dont know what is GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE#serena.txt
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ngl I routinely forget that self-diagnosis discourse is A Thing and every single time it’s like getting slapped in the face by a wet fish of just how fucking insane people are about it. Can self-diagnosis be harmful? Absolutely it can, for numerous reasons. You might overlook something major and end up being treated for the wrong thing, as an example. But on the flip-side, self-diagnosis can also be incredibly helpful for managing symptoms and receiving support when professional help isn’t readily available, especially since professionals themselves are absolutely not immune to biases and bigotry in regards to mental health. It’s a complex topic and I despise seeing people go “ohh all self-dx bad” and “ohh all self-dx good” when the reality of it is that it’s just extremely contextual.
#self diagnosis#pro self dx#pro self diagnosis#tagging as this bc GENERALLY speaking I am#but you do gotta be careful bc there's a lot of misinformation out there and a lot of mental health issues massively overlap with each other#i definitely understand why some people are wary of it but anyone positioning themselves as outright anti uhhh#probably does not know that *I'm* self-diagnosed with a few things until further notice#so. lol. lmao#granted i dont really talk about my mental health on here all that often#i just say im neurodivergent#for good reason bc nobody on this fucking site knows how to be rational about mental health
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cannot tell if im just that open to adjusting perspectives or if this is actually splitting
#disclaimer i am Not self diagnosing im just noticing smth#very much plan to ask my therapist next week 🤔#when u try to be nuanced but#have this typed to return to later#otherwise i don’t have much plan to give my mutuals a deep dive into my brain unprompted here#regardless this is a very pro recovery account
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I am fucking SCREAMING at this email I got from my psychologist
Thank you so much for the clarification! I had no idea!
#asd#im trying to get an autism diagnosis and she was like heres some tests to do before u go for a full assessment#BUT LIKE FJSKDHSKDH the wording is so funny#also this is what neurodivergent people are like when they first meet me... everyone knows except me and the government 😭#not diagnosed not self diagnosed but a secret third thing (told by a mental health professional who cannot legally diagnose me but Knows)
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also thinkign about how my last therapist wouldnt take anything i said seriously EXCEPT when i mentioned that im tired of being alive at which point she freaked out. and also stopped listening. idk
#tütensuppe#big shrug#im just sick and tired of therapists maybe they can b helpful but not for whatever i have going on apparently#my mom revealing to me that ALL of them diagnosed me with 'difficult child/teenager' just makes me so mad#(except for the last one i think? bc at that point i had an idea of what was happening? not that that made her listen)#like oh heres a 7 year old who self harms regularly. whatever itll pass right?
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