#im screaming but ill live
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putting way too much effort into this
i spent like 5 hours alone on a 'rough sketch' and at least 3 of those was for armour
really dreading the upcoming lineart ngl
#i just had to yumeship with the guy with the most extravagant outfit#uggghhh i should have just played dress-up with him but im too committed#HE'S ALSO HOTTEST WITH THE ARMOUR TOO#im screaming but ill live#im mentally ill enough that i can brute force this skill#i mean i already did it for hands#may as well just add another “pain in the ass” thing to draw#the things i do for love
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im forcing you all to look shady-car-salesman erik
[What If Magneto Had Formed The X-Men With Professor X?]
#snap chats#DUDE WHAT IS THAT. I SCREAMED#also before any of you go read this dont it's so nothing. the title LIED it's the most nothing story ive read so far#thankfully this is only a one shot but man. i shouldve listened in that This Is Isn't Worth It#this is literally the only time erik's in the whole thing too btw bar a prologue recapping what happens in the og timeline#im so deadass like he also shows up in some bg shots but thats literally it he says nothing else beyond this page#'what if magneto formed the xmen with charles' god yeah what if. i sure wouldve loved to read that.#'what if they formed the xmen' genuinely yeah how did they do that. can we see that PLEASE.#the only perceivable difference is that erik lives at the x mansion and Probably isnt terrorizing people. and has this god forsaken look#i rescind my statement he's terrorizing ME with that beard and. //gestures everywhere else//#he looks like he's going to try to scam me into buying a shitty ferrari i cant ill take the viking beard just not this#also i think gaby and erik are just. inexplicably married????? they never cover that ???? thats just a thing to vaguely acknowledge#they dont even say it there's a book that's credited as 'erik magnus lehnsherr' and 'gabrielle haller lensherr' like ok. what.#they dont even properly tell us why eriks here or like. how erik and charles find the xmen. or why gaby's here vjeALKJEK#LIKE COOL HI GABS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE she's a mutant now. forgot about that. ???????????????#the weird plot did distract me from. Whatever This Is but now im focusing on it again and im dying#i think what's really killing me is the earrings like oh my god. wow ok. wow...... terrible choice !#if i squint i can imagine the ponytail's gone from his side profile and it's a lil better but ...... jljalKjalJA#anyway i said id read every xmen comic and. regretting some choices but we ball#for now im gonna go wind down ... maybe doodle a bit who's to say ..
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ekky only choosing forsy for eye candy is another example of fork found in kitchen and he has to keep up his shirt off quote quotas even if forsy has now shown off his body to the masses but also unfortunately just reads too much like this (how it feels auditioning as a drumer)
#so if youll need me i think ill be screaming into my hands#i said ekky bassist in a fugue state when the original clip of the pantrs band video came out#and then i remembered this tiktok and i just wept into my hands at how accurate it was#the one speaking is dan (bassist/vocals) so him immediately accepting tate (drummer) because he took his shirt off#tracks extensively in my little forsblad band au that ive been daydreaming about#also they just have multiple videos expanding upon the bassist and drummer having a thing so it really is not helping#one of the videos being “when the bassist and drummer are left alone”#and its just them giggling as tate teaches dan the drums by helping him (hes bad at drums) as lets get it on plays in the bg#anyways great band great body of work ive been listening to a lot as of late#have we considered pretty boy with pretty vocals bassist ekky and the new drummer they accepted because their old one quit on them#i just think forsy would look so hot in a muscle tee and a bandana as he stick his tongue out during sets#because hes pretty calmduring rehearsals but during lives a demon possesses him which means he becomes the hottest man alive#and have the most mmmmmmm (this is my crush on certain drummers speaking sorry guys)#theres a lot of fodder here mmmmmm yeah im gonna be thinking about this for the next month jesus christ
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ohh javieran … javieran post kieran’s death .., javier is a poor lonesome cowboy in america a long way from home with no more sweetheart to sit and talk with him ooohhh can anyone hear me ….
#someone on tiktok found poor lonesome cowboy in an old archival-esque book of cowboy and campfire songs and as soon as i saw this i gasped#ummm burst into tears actually ! thanks ! i’m so sad !#poor lonesome coyotito who parted from his city and who has no sweetheart to sit and talk with him ☹️#they make me miserable#i was just gonna put this in my drafts but i already have 15 drafts and i fear if i continue to put ideas in my drafts “for later’’ i will#never make another post again … so instead of setting myself up for disappointment i’m just gonna start posting like i do on twt#which is where i post every unfiltered thought i have :)#it’s MY blog and I get to make useless textposts constantly because i know im incapable of making any actual content atm#i’m hoping to draw something based off of this some day though :( i’m already having ideas#usually i sit in my mind palace and tinker with my au where kieran lives but unfortunately sometimes i must face reality and think about#javier’s loss and heartbreak in canon <//3#i need to rewatch kieran’s death cutscene and see where javier is and what he does because i’ll have to write his initial#response to grief depending on that :/#whether he’s frozen in disbelief or actively involved in the retrieval of kieran’s body (if he’s even around at all)#javier isn’t really the type to scream and sob out in pain in the moment but i do think that when he finally had a moment to himself (likely#all the way in chapter six considering how chaotic everything gets and how he’s involved in like … everything following that) (which also re#minds me that he literally goes and gets tortured in guarma immediately after losing his lover. i have to kill myslf. anyway.)#i think it probably hits him like a train and he begins to hack and throw up like the weight of grief is literally crushing his organs from#the inside out 😕 javier escuella the lover that you are sets you up for such devastating heartbreak im so sorry#idek how much i want to tag this. maybe ill pull a moss and start using my own tags for characters#rdr2#image#hero's talking to himself again#hero’s kieran#hero’s javier#hero’s javieran#just so i dont have to clog up tags 💛#i will tag#javieran#as normal though
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TRAILBREAKER and megatron ( most importantly TRAILBREAKER) coming ( 🤨) back on the same article .... megateebs Is REAL! IT'S REAL I SWEAR RHAHH RAGHR RAVHHRVHHH RAGHH RGAH
#i scream into tbe void and the oncoming dark age#pls i just got here pls#ive always actually been a fan of tf but tf is like star wars where these so much lore im terrified#of being called stupid bcs j misunderstood smthing or didnt know smeegoff was a real man or smthing like#i just never thought i was smart enough#and now im still not but im just in my own lil corner doing whatevs#living my life cringe but free#i love u teebs.... pls never scare me like that ever again pls theebs thick teebs my king mybeverything#teebs calling humans little creatures and small things i love u#trailbreaker#megatron#trailcutter#have to include his mid life crisis name#thank u skybound... but i swear if u make astrotrains love just some random ass oc ill go fking crazy on u#transformers skybound
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today is a great day!!
#my interview went really really well!! i feel so relieved that it was casual i ironed a shirt!!! thats so ooc for me#i couldnt slep last night bc i was beeing haunted by scenario questions ‘tell me abt a time whe-‘ *screams incoherently*#anywyas its a great job that’ll look good on my resume AND im excited ^-^#omg and ill finally qualify for government assistance i could cry ive been having to live off my savings and credit card all year#just wanted to share some good news i hope you all are having a good day or you at least get some relief today <33#nonsims#ceru.txt
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the WORST pictures of scott shriner u've ever seen, taken by me, @ their show in glasgow 2nite!!!
#THE SHOW WAS AMAZING BTW!!!!!!!#OHHHH NY GOD#i think its all downhill from here boys#They played PERFECT SITUATION and ANONYMOUS and BURNT JAMB and ALL MY FAVOURITE SONGS#im so fucking ill#i turned 2 my aunt like five times 2 gi “this is my fav song im gonna go insane”#i lost my voice bgw 👍#OH shout out 2 the ppl beside me who screamed all my favourite songs n pink triangle n buddy holly w me!!!#ur so real 4 thag 🫶#but yes. im a changed man#im never recovering#that was such a great live show oh my god#scott shriner#weezer
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bbbaaaaawrffff
#whatever man. i hate how i cant just scream or ill get shit on but ppl only COME here when im doing smth they see as negative.#i dont want any of that. but i dont want to be fucking ENTIRELY alone#im so tired. no one fucking remembers me#im literally a dead girl walking. no one would see any difference if i disapeared forever. thats not a threat#but fuck i have to live KNOWING no one thinks of me or cares or anything and ill never have friends again
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VIBRATES!!! Sticker sheet collab hosted by @cecilioque came in so ofc I HAD to start using them >:)) they all came out so nicely, I had such a hard time picking and choosing which ones should go on my computer ^^'' unfortunately had to cut quite a few of my favorites to leave room for future stickers :( but the rest are going on my binders, so it works out!
[image id: a photo of a laptop lid covered in stickers. Many of them are pokemon, with many other miscellaneous stickers too, including possums amongst other animals, bugs and insects, and several stars, suns and moons. Several stickers are starting to overlap from how many there are. End id]
#furby screams#AGH i was so excited for these!!!!!!!#they defffinitely lived up to the hype#and it even came with a little booklet saying who did what!!!! verrrrrry happy about that >:)))#think im gonna put that in my binder too so its safe and easy to find when i wanna refer back to it#ill prolly rb this w an update of my binders when i do those!!#properly show off ALL of these >:D!!!!#also only related by virtue of me having gotten it from the same person#but i got a joktik pin also from cecilioque and its SO LITTLE#FUCKIN EENSY#ABSOLUTELY MINISCULE#i got it for my partner but now i HAVE to get myself one too#i truly cannot emphasize enough how utterly teensy tinsey that joltik was#10/10 would recommend
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I neeeeeeeeeeeeed to get out of this house
Soon. Soon it will come.
#hate having to cancel plans because i dont want to risk my parents having a screaming match in the background and ill be far too anxious#from the situation and afraid that itll be turned on me#uni sucked ass but at least i lived somewhere else during it that was so nice i loved that#now im just sitting here without even having dinner plans yet because i have to wait for this shit and im just#man. this is ridiculous#i dont even know what theyre angirly texting about this time but i know its something stupid#if i didnt have this throat problem and waiting for surgery id probably already be looking for jobs and planning to move at this point#but noooooooo lmao cant do that#alright this has been the house of complaining#the prophet speaks#vent
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#im like begging yall not to pick the third one ill fucking scream#its not funny anymore#;tumblr users lived together in harmony... but everything changed when mak made another new blog. (ooc)
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something you need to know abt me is that im extremely scared of artificial voices (think siri, alexa, any voice on gps thingies while driving) and no one believed me when the alexa changed voices one night, even tho i froze in place and all the hairs in my body stand up...
anyway, i'm also terrified of blonde and not really human faces... like that mix specifically (think "i feel fantastic" lady android, max headroom and the first mask of "possibly in michigan")
just felt like sharing <3
#the parasite talks#idk where these fears come from honestly#i've tried watching the max headroom series but i cant#i cant go past the intro without feeling physically ill#i've been able to watch possibly in michigan and is my favorite video and song ever#but the other two i cant at all#i also scream an cry when there's a picture of a being looking directly “at you” but im guessing that's normal if the intent was to scare#i also imagine beings looking at me through the windows and dark screens and generally the dark but i know thats my crazy mind#that's why i have my windows taped vampire style like the wwdits house#and when i was little i would stare at my toys for a long while in case they would move or blink#i still think they do that but i have made peace with it#specially because i had 2 toys that actually moved and talked without me touching them i guess that made something in my brain go wrong#but they were mostly batteries corroding#although one was alive for almost 20 years with the same batteries#sometimes i worry what will happen when i live alone...
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Lelo sex toys in my professional opinion are just okay and not really worth the price, BUT the new gwp they have is a gorgeous leather storage case with a red lining and I got to take one from work as a freebie, so I must grudgingly grant them points this time
#its so nice im almost afraid ill get in trouble for taking one#even tho they give us gwps all the time. one time they gave us all le wand vibe necklaces that retail for like a hundred bucks each#also just got a cute keyring from sportsheets thats a piece of leather shaped like a paddle#if they could see all the luxury sex toys i get for free my high school/college self would scream themself to death with jealousy#as a former avid reader of ojst (cringe) i am truly living the dream
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#cryptic ramblings#in the tags#trying so hard not to bash my head in at work. is anyone fkn hiring bc i need Outta Here ASAP.#every fkn morning before i have work im already dreading it. then i get here n i want to cry n scream n cry n scream the whooooole time.#n then i go home n im like oh! its not the end of the world! n then if i have work the next day its like FUUUUUUU---#yall i know all i do is come on this site and complain but like. fuck.#gnashing my teeth fr#n i know i sure should not be feeling this way Every Time I Have Work (n i especially shouldnt be posting abt it Every Time I Feel This Way)#but wtf can i do. all the damn jobs ive beem applying to arent getting back to me n living where i do i cant rly afford to go very long w/o#a job so im just Stuck until Something Happens. and i WANT TO LEAAAAVEEEEE#screaming crying punching kicking#maybe ill set up a ko-fi or smthn. yall can pay for my silence
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motivation save me. is self discipline real i don't think so. i think if i avoid studying for long enough ill never have to do it studying is literally not real
#erm#people are already going to sleep in my house i dont even know i have the stuff im supposed to be studying written down anywhere#what the hell 😞😞😞#would ask for someone to scream at me but im literally past the point of caring i already knowwww im gonna fail the test i dont wanna study#fuccckkkkkk why is living so complicated grargh okay whatever#ill go try#in a moment#just. a second#might close my eyes while laying in bed dont blame me if i do
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wait i'm reading the same live tl and "T: Oh no, I was physically blessed and healthy despite everything, so compared to your childhood, Sora— T: Wait, right, these things aren't to be compared with anyone else."
happy elements if you don't elaborate on that
NO RIGHT I GOT HUNG UP ON THAT TOO. LIKE WHAT?????? SORA LORE DROP WITH NO ELABORATION??????????????
happyele was sora a sick child is that why he was a hikikomori. did sora have some disability. DOES sora have some disability. happyele listen to me. the thought alone makes me so sad omfg not ONLY did sora feel like an alien bc of his perception of the world being different due to synesthesia but now ur telling me, if going by tsumugis words, he wasnt "physically blessed and healthy" ?!?!?!?!?!?!??! BC THEN THERES AN EVEN SMALLER LIKELIHOOD OF HIM BEING ABLE TO HANG OUT WITH THE OTHER KIDS WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER EVEN IF HE AND THE KIDS WANTED TO im going thru it so bad
#need u guys to know that like every line of dialogue so far has made me want to scream and cry in some way#but i cant live react to all of it ill just be incomprehensible#but know im reading and im feeling#ask#Anyway im disabled and a shut-in (developed agoraphobia) Watch how hard i can project#but oughhhhhhh I WANNA KNOW HOW SORA FIRST MET NATSUME AND TSUMUGI NOW SO INCREDIBLY BAD#AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#BASHING MY HEAD AGAINST SOLID SURFACES
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