#im screaming but ill live
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putting way too much effort into this
i spent like 5 hours alone on a 'rough sketch' and at least 3 of those was for armour
really dreading the upcoming lineart ngl
#i just had to yumeship with the guy with the most extravagant outfit#uggghhh i should have just played dress-up with him but im too committed#HE'S ALSO HOTTEST WITH THE ARMOUR TOO#im screaming but ill live#im mentally ill enough that i can brute force this skill#i mean i already did it for hands#may as well just add another “pain in the ass” thing to draw#the things i do for love
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miscellaneous au doodles + a VERY self indulgent song lyric comic :D
+ extra evil comic below the cut :
"chil!" "don't look at me like that..."
#ill be honest this is all so self indulgent that its embarrassing but whatever. peace and love. i will live my truth#yes the song lyric comic is childhood friends t4t chilchuck + his wife. what of it.#yes i also put chilaios. SUE ME OKAY#anyways im really proud of that first comic i think i did the format justice#also to the fellow filipinos out there i salute to you all#if anyone who doesnt speak filipino google translates the song and talks to me about it i will uhhhhhh. kiss you <- joking#(BUT I DO ENCOURAGE TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT I WILL SCREAM)#now time for actual tags#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#<- technically#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#should i tag his wife? ill tag his wife#chilchuck's wife#laios touden#not gonna tag the others in the first comic cause theyre not the focus#chilaios#<- feed on angst with me. play with me in this space.#by the by im slightly dissatisfied with how i drew that evil comic i think it looks a little weird but i love the concept of it#i mean none of you have any context except for my friend whos working on this au with me but. i prommy that its good#oh yeah i should probably tag this au huh#[ tragedy au ]#<- dont worry about the name. d. dont worry about it.#PRAYING BEGGING PLEADING THAT THIS WILL POST PROPERLY THIS TIME
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im forcing you all to look shady-car-salesman erik
[What If Magneto Had Formed The X-Men With Professor X?]
#snap chats#DUDE WHAT IS THAT. I SCREAMED#also before any of you go read this dont it's so nothing. the title LIED it's the most nothing story ive read so far#thankfully this is only a one shot but man. i shouldve listened in that This Is Isn't Worth It#this is literally the only time erik's in the whole thing too btw bar a prologue recapping what happens in the og timeline#im so deadass like he also shows up in some bg shots but thats literally it he says nothing else beyond this page#'what if magneto formed the xmen with charles' god yeah what if. i sure wouldve loved to read that.#'what if they formed the xmen' genuinely yeah how did they do that. can we see that PLEASE.#the only perceivable difference is that erik lives at the x mansion and Probably isnt terrorizing people. and has this god forsaken look#i rescind my statement he's terrorizing ME with that beard and. //gestures everywhere else//#he looks like he's going to try to scam me into buying a shitty ferrari i cant ill take the viking beard just not this#also i think gaby and erik are just. inexplicably married????? they never cover that ???? thats just a thing to vaguely acknowledge#they dont even say it there's a book that's credited as 'erik magnus lehnsherr' and 'gabrielle haller lensherr' like ok. what.#they dont even properly tell us why eriks here or like. how erik and charles find the xmen. or why gaby's here vjeALKJEK#LIKE COOL HI GABS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE she's a mutant now. forgot about that. ???????????????#the weird plot did distract me from. Whatever This Is but now im focusing on it again and im dying#i think what's really killing me is the earrings like oh my god. wow ok. wow...... terrible choice !#if i squint i can imagine the ponytail's gone from his side profile and it's a lil better but ...... jljalKjalJA#anyway i said id read every xmen comic and. regretting some choices but we ball#for now im gonna go wind down ... maybe doodle a bit who's to say ..
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ekky only choosing forsy for eye candy is another example of fork found in kitchen and he has to keep up his shirt off quote quotas even if forsy has now shown off his body to the masses but also unfortunately just reads too much like this (how it feels auditioning as a drumer)
#so if youll need me i think ill be screaming into my hands#i said ekky bassist in a fugue state when the original clip of the pantrs band video came out#and then i remembered this tiktok and i just wept into my hands at how accurate it was#the one speaking is dan (bassist/vocals) so him immediately accepting tate (drummer) because he took his shirt off#tracks extensively in my little forsblad band au that ive been daydreaming about#also they just have multiple videos expanding upon the bassist and drummer having a thing so it really is not helping#one of the videos being “when the bassist and drummer are left alone”#and its just them giggling as tate teaches dan the drums by helping him (hes bad at drums) as lets get it on plays in the bg#anyways great band great body of work ive been listening to a lot as of late#have we considered pretty boy with pretty vocals bassist ekky and the new drummer they accepted because their old one quit on them#i just think forsy would look so hot in a muscle tee and a bandana as he stick his tongue out during sets#because hes pretty calmduring rehearsals but during lives a demon possesses him which means he becomes the hottest man alive#and have the most mmmmmmm (this is my crush on certain drummers speaking sorry guys)#theres a lot of fodder here mmmmmm yeah im gonna be thinking about this for the next month jesus christ
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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today is a great day!!
#my interview went really really well!! i feel so relieved that it was casual i ironed a shirt!!! thats so ooc for me#i couldnt slep last night bc i was beeing haunted by scenario questions ‘tell me abt a time whe-‘ *screams incoherently*#anywyas its a great job that’ll look good on my resume AND im excited ^-^#omg and ill finally qualify for government assistance i could cry ive been having to live off my savings and credit card all year#just wanted to share some good news i hope you all are having a good day or you at least get some relief today <33#nonsims#ceru.txt
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i genuinely cannot stand being around ppl who have to take their anger out on others . i'm so sick of always having to act like the bigger person to my Older brother while he can just tornado around my entire life & belongings & relationships without warrant all over smthing that had absolutely nothing to do with you or anyone, rlly.
#but HE runs and tells on ME?#i was just going to let shit blow over#lock myself away as fucking alwys like when we were little and he would cuss up a fucking storm#screaming crying and throwing the shit i bought over being unable to beat a game he plays every fucking day#set on fucking Easy mode#and hes hitting a bat into the door or wrecking my shit in my room or fucking. yelling abt me to the fuckin dog#and in the 'dog's voice' making the animal agree with him bcs im? acting crazy#over a fcking video game that u cant even tell him to turn off or at least stop fucking screaming and wailing or else it'll just set it off#sooner#when dad did it he was fcking drunk and i was illegitimate#it's like i cant even fcking escape fcking hell.#hiding all my bad grades in math bcs i couldnt read a stupid fking number right bcs i didnt want ppl screaming at me#for causing even more trouble than they already have to deal with and just living as dumb bcs it costs less#ill get over it ill try harder#i always have to be the bigger fucking man and im so fucking tired of it#but how are u supposed to cut off someone youve been assigned caretaker as b4 u were even born#im so fucking exhausted#anyways so yea. im pretty sensitive to tone so if i seem like a baby to smthing i apologize#i rlly just. cant stand sme things sometimes#i love getting told i never felt like a friend to my other siblings not only bcs of our massive age gap but also theyre legitimate and#i dont drink or smoke so apparently we cant hang without them always checking the time on their phones#while im taking them out to smthing they like like it's so fun i fcking love it here#anyways yea. love zero comprehension or compassion. love it. loving my life
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the WORST pictures of scott shriner u've ever seen, taken by me, @ their show in glasgow 2nite!!!
#THE SHOW WAS AMAZING BTW!!!!!!!#OHHHH NY GOD#i think its all downhill from here boys#They played PERFECT SITUATION and ANONYMOUS and BURNT JAMB and ALL MY FAVOURITE SONGS#im so fucking ill#i turned 2 my aunt like five times 2 gi “this is my fav song im gonna go insane”#i lost my voice bgw 👍#OH shout out 2 the ppl beside me who screamed all my favourite songs n pink triangle n buddy holly w me!!!#ur so real 4 thag 🫶#but yes. im a changed man#im never recovering#that was such a great live show oh my god#scott shriner#weezer
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bbbaaaaawrffff
#whatever man. i hate how i cant just scream or ill get shit on but ppl only COME here when im doing smth they see as negative.#i dont want any of that. but i dont want to be fucking ENTIRELY alone#im so tired. no one fucking remembers me#im literally a dead girl walking. no one would see any difference if i disapeared forever. thats not a threat#but fuck i have to live KNOWING no one thinks of me or cares or anything and ill never have friends again
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VIBRATES!!! Sticker sheet collab hosted by @cecilioque came in so ofc I HAD to start using them >:)) they all came out so nicely, I had such a hard time picking and choosing which ones should go on my computer ^^'' unfortunately had to cut quite a few of my favorites to leave room for future stickers :( but the rest are going on my binders, so it works out!
[image id: a photo of a laptop lid covered in stickers. Many of them are pokemon, with many other miscellaneous stickers too, including possums amongst other animals, bugs and insects, and several stars, suns and moons. Several stickers are starting to overlap from how many there are. End id]
#furby screams#AGH i was so excited for these!!!!!!!#they defffinitely lived up to the hype#and it even came with a little booklet saying who did what!!!! verrrrrry happy about that >:)))#think im gonna put that in my binder too so its safe and easy to find when i wanna refer back to it#ill prolly rb this w an update of my binders when i do those!!#properly show off ALL of these >:D!!!!#also only related by virtue of me having gotten it from the same person#but i got a joktik pin also from cecilioque and its SO LITTLE#FUCKIN EENSY#ABSOLUTELY MINISCULE#i got it for my partner but now i HAVE to get myself one too#i truly cannot emphasize enough how utterly teensy tinsey that joltik was#10/10 would recommend
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I neeeeeeeeeeeeed to get out of this house
Soon. Soon it will come.
#hate having to cancel plans because i dont want to risk my parents having a screaming match in the background and ill be far too anxious#from the situation and afraid that itll be turned on me#uni sucked ass but at least i lived somewhere else during it that was so nice i loved that#now im just sitting here without even having dinner plans yet because i have to wait for this shit and im just#man. this is ridiculous#i dont even know what theyre angirly texting about this time but i know its something stupid#if i didnt have this throat problem and waiting for surgery id probably already be looking for jobs and planning to move at this point#but noooooooo lmao cant do that#alright this has been the house of complaining#the prophet speaks#vent
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#im like begging yall not to pick the third one ill fucking scream#its not funny anymore#;tumblr users lived together in harmony... but everything changed when mak made another new blog. (ooc)
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something you need to know abt me is that im extremely scared of artificial voices (think siri, alexa, any voice on gps thingies while driving) and no one believed me when the alexa changed voices one night, even tho i froze in place and all the hairs in my body stand up...
anyway, i'm also terrified of blonde and not really human faces... like that mix specifically (think "i feel fantastic" lady android, max headroom and the first mask of "possibly in michigan")
just felt like sharing <3
#the parasite talks#idk where these fears come from honestly#i've tried watching the max headroom series but i cant#i cant go past the intro without feeling physically ill#i've been able to watch possibly in michigan and is my favorite video and song ever#but the other two i cant at all#i also scream an cry when there's a picture of a being looking directly “at you” but im guessing that's normal if the intent was to scare#i also imagine beings looking at me through the windows and dark screens and generally the dark but i know thats my crazy mind#that's why i have my windows taped vampire style like the wwdits house#and when i was little i would stare at my toys for a long while in case they would move or blink#i still think they do that but i have made peace with it#specially because i had 2 toys that actually moved and talked without me touching them i guess that made something in my brain go wrong#but they were mostly batteries corroding#although one was alive for almost 20 years with the same batteries#sometimes i worry what will happen when i live alone...
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Lelo sex toys in my professional opinion are just okay and not really worth the price, BUT the new gwp they have is a gorgeous leather storage case with a red lining and I got to take one from work as a freebie, so I must grudgingly grant them points this time
#its so nice im almost afraid ill get in trouble for taking one#even tho they give us gwps all the time. one time they gave us all le wand vibe necklaces that retail for like a hundred bucks each#also just got a cute keyring from sportsheets thats a piece of leather shaped like a paddle#if they could see all the luxury sex toys i get for free my high school/college self would scream themself to death with jealousy#as a former avid reader of ojst (cringe) i am truly living the dream
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wait i'm reading the same live tl and "T: Oh no, I was physically blessed and healthy despite everything, so compared to your childhood, Sora— T: Wait, right, these things aren't to be compared with anyone else."
happy elements if you don't elaborate on that
NO RIGHT I GOT HUNG UP ON THAT TOO. LIKE WHAT?????? SORA LORE DROP WITH NO ELABORATION??????????????
happyele was sora a sick child is that why he was a hikikomori. did sora have some disability. DOES sora have some disability. happyele listen to me. the thought alone makes me so sad omfg not ONLY did sora feel like an alien bc of his perception of the world being different due to synesthesia but now ur telling me, if going by tsumugis words, he wasnt "physically blessed and healthy" ?!?!?!?!?!?!??! BC THEN THERES AN EVEN SMALLER LIKELIHOOD OF HIM BEING ABLE TO HANG OUT WITH THE OTHER KIDS WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER EVEN IF HE AND THE KIDS WANTED TO im going thru it so bad
#need u guys to know that like every line of dialogue so far has made me want to scream and cry in some way#but i cant live react to all of it ill just be incomprehensible#but know im reading and im feeling#ask#Anyway im disabled and a shut-in (developed agoraphobia) Watch how hard i can project#but oughhhhhhh I WANNA KNOW HOW SORA FIRST MET NATSUME AND TSUMUGI NOW SO INCREDIBLY BAD#AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#BASHING MY HEAD AGAINST SOLID SURFACES
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they made me regress back to a 9yo
#me soup#im so sensitive when u take me away from literally all my comforts#everything sucks 😞 im crying like an actual little child and nothing is fixing it#i cant do this anymore this heat is literally murdering me and all my spirit#i have nothing left to give im emptied out#too much change too much new things and they also wanted m to take my damn new shoes ugh shut up 😭#FOUR MOUR WEEKS FUCKKKK I MISS MY FRIENDS I CANT DO THIS#now i remember why i was miserable every single year we went its like the worst aprts of all my life mixed in together#ugh and i could pretend so good for JUST like . two days. time feels like its expanding infinitely . im dyingggggfgg.#if i go to hell this is what ill have to go through forever i think#hashtag family vacation hashtag north african traditions hashtag beach hashtag love live scream
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