#im putting together a list for my own use of books i have seen recommended and i can share that too if anyone would find it helpful

[andoutofharm]

I am in no means an expert and others have talked about this in other ways in other places, but here are some of the things I have been thinking about:

if you feel helpless right now the best thing you can do to start making any sort of progress is educating yourself. read books on fascism and propaganda and antiracism and history and protests. don’t give in to fear and don’t give up. that’s what they want us to do.

if you haven’t already, educate yourself on what your local government is doing. contact your representatives and make your voices and opinions heard wherever and whenever you can.

listen to people from marginalized communities, especially about when to speak up AND ALSO when to shut up and let them talk.

learn how to stand your ground and refuse to comply with fascism and authoritarianism. learn how to say “no, I am not going to do that” when you are told to do something that would harm others or society. and then actually say it. for those of us in privilege, this is especially on us.

know your rights. know the rights of your community and marginalized communities and be a voice for them whenever and wherever you can. don’t give in to defeat.

focus on building community. support mutual aid in your communities and in your city. support local businesses and artists and divest from supporting corporations that cause large scale harm.

don’t lose sight of what is happening elsewhere in the world. keep supporting palestine and palestinian fundraisers. don’t let your own fear make you give up on people who still need help so desperately.

​i know a lot of people are scared and panicking. i understand. but also there are real tangible things we can and should do and we should start now.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Floating Through Space - Harry Styles

a/n: im literally bursting from excitement over this, i’ve been working on this fic for so long and im pretty satisfied with how it turned out so i hope you’ll like it too! pleas please PLEASE don’t let this flop bc it means a lot to me 🥺 the song featured in the fic is obviously an existing one, i linked it into the right place so you can listen to it and get the vibe of it, that song is what inspired the whole story so i recommend giving it a listen! leave your thoughts and reactions, i can’t wait to read what you thought about the fic!!

pairing: Harry x Famous!Reader

warning: drug use, smut and everything thats wrong with patriarchy lmao

word count: 25.7k

masterlist

This dressing room is no different than the other one thousand you’ve been to. The plaster on the wall is all cracked up, the red bricks peeking from under it in the corner, the dusty couch looks like it’s been through hell and just sitting on it would probably give you STDs. The mirror on the wall is cracked, the few water bottles you’ve gotten are not even cooled, they’re a warm room temperature. The glorious life of a musician, right?

Moments like this you question why you didn’t just choose to be the obedient daughter and became a surgeon like your parents always wanted you to be. You’d have a steady future and a nice income, a decent career instead of having to perform at a different bar every other night for nicks and pennies that barely cover your rent at the end of the month. But that wouldn’t be you. Wearing scrubs, smiling at patients, throwing out your dignity along with your dreams, you wouldn’t have been true to yourself if you chose that life. Besides, you’d still be in school, barely nearing the halfpoint of your education if you decided to go along with your parents’ plan and it’s clearer than daylight that the school system is just not for you. It would be pure torture if you had to sit in classes for a decade just to work a job you never even wanted.

Looking around the small dressing room you cast your eyes over your band that consists of three people. It’s a temporary set up from three guys you met along your way, all of the struggling musicians as you and you saw the as opportunities. Places would rather have a band play with several men in it than just put one single woman on stage and pray for the best. It’s the sexist part of the industry not enough people talk about. You can’t even count how many pitying stares you’ve gotten through the years when you stated that you want to make a career as a solo female singer.

“Honey, you ain’t making it without at least one man behind you,” is what they’ve always told you. So you’ve gotten yourself three until you could stand on your own two feet without a male backup. You’re using them just as much as they are using you. They were already a band when you joined them, the lead singer just disappeared to thin air with her boyfriend and left them incomplete, so you joined forces to navigate your way together in the depth of the music industry, looking for that big jump everyone is dreaming about.

Standing in front of the cracked mirror you fix your eyeliner, checking yourself once again. Your thrifted checkered suit looks radiant on you especially with the neon green see-through top underneath, showing off a black bralette. It’s a male suit, hanging a little baggy on you at places, but you still feel like you’re pulling off the look. Your thick eyeliner makes your eyes appear even bigger than they already are and your hair is in an unruly mop of curls, making your appearance complete.

You’ve received tons of critiques over your outfits, but they are the only thing you are not changing on yourself.

“Don’t wear men’s pants.”

“You’d look better in a dress.”

“Why do you look like a guy?”

“What a shame to hide such a gorgeous body in clothes that weren’t meant for girls.”

Each and every comment is burned into your mind forever and you’ll never stop fighting against the judgment women has to face for not being the conventional beauty all females are expected to be.

There’s a knock on the door and the person behind it barges in without waiting for an answer. The tall, bald guy rushes in, looking a little stressed, but that’s kind of the normal for the owner.

“I’m not sure how to say it, but… you are not performing tonight,” he simply states and your anger sets in faster than ever. You’ve had gigs get cancelled, but not minutes before going on stage. However, he is still not done with his little informative speech. “And your instruments need to be used by another band tonight.”

“What the fuck?” Trey, the drummer jumps to his feet. “No way I’m letting someone else play my drum set!”

“You’ll get half the money if you let it happen,” the owner answers.

“Wait, what band did you find minutes before start?” you ask in complete shock.

“There’s this group celebrating a birthday in the VIP section and some boy band is apparently with them. Birthday girl requested to have the stage for them.”

“And you’re just cancelling on us that easily?” you snap.

“Not that I have a choice. If I don’t do it they are leaving and I’m losing a big amount from the night. Sorry guys, but this is strictly business.”

“I can’t fucking believe this,” you laugh bitterly, staring up at the ceiling. This would have been a great chance for all of you, you’ve been trying to get a gig here for months, knowing that a lot of people from the industry fancies it, you might have caught someone’s eyes, but it’s definitely not happening now.

“Are you letting them use your stuff or not?” he urges, hands on his hips as he looks at the four of you impatiently.

“But what about our gig? We’ve been on the waiting list for months, when can we actually perform?”

“Uh, I don’t know. We’re pretty booked, maybe sometime in the summer?”

“Summer?” you gasp in disbelief. “It’s fucking February!”

“Are you lending them your stuff or not? I don’t have the time for your little tantrum!”

“Yeah, if we get the money they can use it,” Connor, the bass guitarist answers before you explode right then and there. The owner walks out with that, leaving the four of you behind, forgotten and humiliated.

“I can’t fucking believe it,” Trey groans, plopping down on the couch, covering his eyes with his tattooed arm.

“This is fucking bullshit,” you scoff under your breath, reaching for your bag to grab your pack of cigarettes you keep in it especially for cases like this, whenever you are about to go around and punch every living thing in the face in your reach.

Kicking the backdoor open you lean against the cold brick wall as you light the cigarette and start puffing vigorously, trying to get as much nicotine into your system as possible. You notice a group of guys standing near you in the alleyway, laughing on something, having a great time, oblivious to how hurt and angry you are feeling just a few feet away. You hear frictions of their conversation and it’s clear they are British judging from the accents that are hitting your ears. You finish your cigarette pretty fast and immediately reach for another one even though you know you shouldn’t have even smoked that first one, but you just can’t help it. It’s either the smoking or you’re going after the owner and kick him in the balls for being a bitch.

“Oi, can I ask for one?”

Glancing to the side you see that one of the guys has approached you, smiling at you warmly he nods towards the pack in your hands. Nodding you hold it out for him and he takes one. Before he could even ask for the lighter, you throw it at him and he catches it easily.

“Thanks,” he nods, holding the cigarette between his lips before lighting it and passing the lighter back to you.

“Lou, you really shouldn’t smoke,” you hear one of the others speak up as the rest of the group slowly joins you and the one you just helped out.

“S’fine, don’t act like me motha’,” he shrugs, taking a drag from the cigarette.

“At least not before we go on stage,” the blonde one shakes his head at his friend and your eyebrows shoot up.

“Oh, so you’re the band that’s gonna play?” you ask with a forced smile, already feeling your blood boiling. Who the fuck they are and why do they deserve to steal your gig?!

“We’re just playing a couple of songs,” another speaks up shrugging his shoulders. “No big deal.”

“Glad it’s no big deal to you, because it would have been to the band that was robbed from tonight because of you,” you spat at them, clearly surprising them with your harsh reply.

“I assume you are part of that band, right?” the on with the curly hair speaks up, his green eyes burning down at you.

“Nice job, Sherlock,” you groan, taking another drag from your cigarette.

“You could play with us,” he offers, the others nodding in agreement.

“I don’t need your pity,” you scowl at them. “Bringing me on stage to try to make yourselves look like the good guys is not necessary. I’m just fed up with people like you.” The truth is coming out of you easier than ever. All the years on injustice is seemingly erupting from you, pouring down on these five.

“People like us?” the dark haired one asks with a confused look.

“Yeah,” you nod with a bitter chuckle. “Five conventionally hot guys grouped together for a band, making every girl between the age of ten and thirty scream just by a wink. I don’t know where you came from, but I’m betting my head that you’ve had it easier than others.”

“It’s not nice to assume things when you don’t know anything about us,” Curly speaks up, tilting his head to the side.

“Oh, I’ve seen enough not to care about what’s nice and what’s not,” you chuckle shaking your head as you take another long puff from your cigarette and throw the butt to the ground, stepping on it. “Who are you even? Some Back Street Boys 2.0?” you ask, folding your arms on your chest, earning a heartfelt laugh from the blondie.

“I kinda like her,” he smirks around his friends. “We’re called One Direction, you haven’t heard of us?”

“Not even once,” you shake your head.

“That’s kinda humbling,” the one with the cigarette smiles. “We’re from the UK. I’m Louis, that’s Liam, Niall, Zayn and Harry.”

“I would say it’s nice to meet you, but it would be nicer if you guys didn’t just take my gig and lessen me with half my paycheck,” you smile at them sweetly before rolling your eyes.

“Wait, what? They’re not paying you because of us?” Liam asks.

“We only get half the money for lending you our instruments.”

“Let us pay the other half then,” Harry offers right away, but you just laugh at him.

“It’s not about the money, Prince Harry,” you smirk at him, tilting your head to the side. “It’s about justice. How is that air that you just waltz in here and take our time and chance? What if there’s a producer out there who would have liked our music and offered a record deal? What if someone would have taken a video of us performing, put it up to YouTube and it would have gone viral? I assume you never had to go through this phase where you have to beg for every minute on stage so you can at least earn enough money to pay rent. You don’t seem like the type of band who had to perform in smelly bars four times a week for a ridiculous amount of money.”

They stay silent and you know you were right.

“I’m not saying you had it easy, but I’m sure you have no idea what it could have been. And I’m fed up with men walking over others just to have what they want.”

“Look, it wasn’t our intention to ruin your gig. Have your set with your band and then we’ll play a few songs too after that,” Liam offers, but you shake your head.

“No, we weren’t supposed to be just your opening act and it’ll turn into that. So have a nice evening, enjoy your showtime, I’m out.”

Pushing yourself away from the wall you walk back into the building and grabbing your stuff from the dressing room you move out to the bar area, desperately needing a drink.

Sitting on the last stool at the bar you ask for straight tequila and two vodka shots knowing it’ll do the job for the evening and pulling your phone out of your bag, you open up Google. Searching the name One Direction you’re met with quite a few hits and you start scrolling through them, reading about the five boys you just had an encounter with. Just as you thought, they didn’t start off as a traditional band, having put together at a talent show just three years ago, getting such a major push so early in their career, they have no idea how struggling it is to make it in the industry. They surely had their fair share of ups and downs, but they will never know what it’s like to sweat blood and tears for your dream when everyone just wants to drag you down and tell you you’ll never make it.

The shots and half of the tequila is gone, your band joined you to at least get wasted as you watch the technicians set the stage for a band that’s not you, but gonna play with your stuff. Sitting on the stool you’re having a fairly good time thanks to the alcohol when you spot Harry making his way towards you in the crowd.

“Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready backstage?” you ask with an eyeroll as he joins your little circle, the guys eyeing him curiously. Ignoring your comment he pulls out a piece of paper handing it to you. As you unfold it you almost want to throw it back at him.

“This is to make up for what you lost tonight,” he says nodding down at the check in your hands.

“I told you I don’t need your money,” you firmly answer, but Trey grabs the check from your hands.

“But I do!” he snorts. He is such a pig.

“Let us do at least this one thing for you. We really do feel bad for taking your time and the offer to come on stage with us still stands.”

“No thank you,” you shoot him a fake smile before downing the rest of your tequila, the drink burning down your throat. Looking back at Harry you keep your eye locked on him as he watches you intently. He is a good-looking guy, you have to give that to him, but the circumstances you’ve met under just made it impossible for you not to hate him for the privileges he is being handed every day while you fight your way through life.

Harry sighs in defeat nodding as he licks his lips. For a split second, guilt takes over you for the way you’ve been acting towards him and the other boys, but then you remember that you don’t even know him. For all you know, he can be a royal asshole with the face of an angel. You can’t let guilt chew you and spit you out, you have to keep your guards up.

“Alright. We really are sorry. I’ll… see you around,” he nods before turning around to walk away.

You watch them perform their biggest hits, the whole place going crazy over the impromptu One Direction concert they just got for basically free. The VIP area is going crazy over the boys and with each sang song, you feel yourself getting more and more hopeless about your future as a musician. Here you are on a Saturday night, robbed from a job you’ve worked hard for, watching five British boys take your place on the stage that’s supposed to be yours tonight. You catch Harry’s eyes quite often while he is on stage, he keeps glancing in your way, a hint of guilt glistening in his green irises as he sings their songs with perfect vocals. You can tell he feels bad for the situation and you didn’t make it any easier on him or any of the boys, but you’re not really one to beat around the bush. They deserved to know what others in the industry below them have to deal with every day. It’s not always as glamorous as people might think and you’re the living example of that.

You don’t stick around for long after the boys are done on stage, you help your bandmates pack their stuff and head home before Harry or any other members of One Direction can find you.

Walking past the news stand that’s on the corner of your street, you stop upon seeing your own face smiling back at you from the cover of People Magazine, the title catching your attention.

“Grammy nominee Y/N Y/L/N shares her secret to her one of a kind fashion style.”

Grabbing the magazine off the stand you pay for it and continue your way home, holding the copy to your chest with a warm feeling in your heart.

It’s been only a week since the nominations have come out, but it still feels like a dream. You didn’t just get nominated in the category of Best New Artist, but your album Hands of Power got nominated as Best Album and your biggest hit of last year, Sleepless is running for the title of Best song. Three nominations the first time earning a spot on the list. Not bad.

Just as you walk into your place, your phone buzzes, the ever so smiling face of your manager staring back at you from the screen.

“Hey!” you sing into the phone, holding it to your ear with your shoulder, taking off your boots as you walk further down the hallway.

“Are you home already?”

“Yes, just arrived.”

“Great, I’ll be there in ten,” she announces and ends the call. Chuckling you just shake your head, dropping the phone to the coffee table before you move to the bedroom and change into something more comfortable. The flared jeans looked fire on you today, but you rather wear something looser when you’re at home.

You barely have the time to start the water for a tea when Taylor storms through your door using her keys you’ve given her some time ago. She is wearing all white that looks fantastic with her almond skin tone, a knitted sweater tucked into a maxi skirt, paired with strappy heels, she is always so elegant and perfectly dressed for whatever occasion.

“I have knee-shaking news, girl!” she announces as she throws her purse to the couch before joining you in the kitchen.

“I’m going to be the next Bond girl?” you joke smiling to yourself as you get two mugs from the cupboard.

“Better than that!” she cheers. “You are going to perform at the Grammy’s, baby!” she screams throwing her hands into the air as your jaw drops to the floor.

“You’re not just kidding with me, right?!”

“I would never play such a dirty joke with you. It’s one hundred percent true, I had an hour long phone call with some bloke today and they want you.”

“Yes!” you scream in excitement, jumping up and down like a child that just got a pack of candy. “I’ll make the Grammy’s my bitch!” you cheer, making Taylor laugh.

“Alright, Miss Dominatrix. We still have a lot of things to discuss and there’s one more thing about the performance.”

“Oh God, is this the part where you say something that ruins it completely?” you sigh in defeat as you take the kettle and pour the water into the mugs, dropping a filter into each.

“I don’t think it ruins it,” she shakes her head, but you have a feeling you won’t like what she has to say. “They want it to be like a… joined performance. You’d start off with Sleepless, then it would kind of mesh into your partner’s song and they would end it with one of their own songs.”

“Okay, that doesn’t sound bad,” you nod.

“See?” she smiles warmly.

“Do we know who I’m going to perform with?”

“Harry Styles.”

You almost drop both mugs the moment the name is mentioned, but you manage to get them to the kitchen island and slip them to the counter, Taylor giving you a questioning look at your wide-eyed expression.

“Uh, I’m not sure that’s… gonna work,” you clear your throat.

“You’re not sure your duet with the biggest male artist can work? Why is that?”

Licking your lips you try to find the right words to say it, but you’re not even sure why you got so shocked over it. Probably because the last time you saw him, you were still nobody, playing gigs at no name bars and he took your spot on the stage with One Direction. It’s weird, but since you’ve finally made it in the industry, you haven’t crossed paths with him and this would be the first time you meet after seven years.

“I’m not sure if he remembers it, but we’ve met before.”

“You and Harry?”

“Yes. I was playing with The Gambits years ago, it was before I started putting out covers on my own. We were supposed to play at this bar but they cancelled on us, because One Direction was there that night and someone wanted them to play instead of us, so we lost the gig. I had a pretty… harsh conversation with him and the band, basically telling them that their pretty man privilege is what ruins the careers of talented women.” “Oh Jesus, Y/N. Why haven’t I heard of this before?” Taylor sighs leaning on her elbows on the countertop.

“Not that it’s something that would just come up in a conversation,” you shrug. “And as I said, he might not even remember it. It was a long time ago.”

“I know you are all about your rebellious past, good for you, but sometimes you’re making my job really fucking hard,” she sighs, grabbing her phone, already typing a message to God knows who. “Starting beef with Harry Styles before you even made a name for yourself? Who does that?”

“It’s not beef!” you protest. “I just gave them my piece of mind.”

“We’ll see what he thinks about it. I have to make a few calls,” she announces before walking out, already on the phone with someone.

Sitting on a stool, staring into your mug you think back at the time you met him. It feels like a lifetime ago when you were fighting to stay afloat, trying to make through the days, barely hanging on a thread. You didn’t know that five years later you’d sign your first record deal as a solo artist and seven years from that night, you’d be a Grammy nominee. It was a long and challenging time for sure with way more downs than ups until you finally got on track and you’ll never forget where you came from. Not when even as an acknowledged artist, you still face judgment and hatred no matter what you do. Being a solo female singer sometimes feels like harder than being president of the country and there are just so many things that need to change in the world of music, you will never stop fighting for girls that are in the same shoe you once were.

Through the years you’ve followed the career of the boys, especially Harry’s. You read about Zayn’s parting, their so-called hiatus and how they all went solo soon after. Genre-wise Harry’s work is what stands the closest to you, and you’ve witnessed all the backlash he has faced during his time in the spotlight. The shaming for whatever women he chose to date, his choice to get into acting and the way he has been dressing. People just don’t seem to understand they can’t have control over any of these and they’ve tried to bring him down one too many times, but he has been thriving lately, anyone can see that.

Your mug empties out by the time Taylor returns, taking her previous stop at the kitchen island.

“Alright, I set up a meeting with Harry and his manager for tomorrow. They still haven’t decided on the performance and apparently, Harry would like to meet you before giving his answer.”

“Oh God, he remembers me,” you growl under your breath.

“Or maybe he doesn’t and just wants to meet the person he is supposed to perform with. We can never know. We’re meeting them at his manager’s office at eleven tomorrow.”

One night is enough to make you go crazy over such a small thing as meeting someone. It’s not like you are nervous to see him because of who he is, it’s more about knowing what he thinks about you after all these years, in case he remembers you. He saw you as a struggling artist at rock bottom and though your encounter didn’t last long and he didn’t know you on a deeper, personal level, you still fear that he remembers and thinks that you’ve lost yourself over the years.

Authenticity has been a huge issue in your life. Early in your career, everyone wanted to change you. The way you dress, your hair, the style of music you write, nothing was good enough as it was, they wanted you to become someone else, someone who was not you. You fought all attempts until the right person came through and accepted you as yourself, but a tiny voice in the back of your mind kept telling you that they succeeded, that somewhere along the fight you did lose yourself and became what you always feared to be.

Meeting Harry is like meeting a piece of your past and having to face what you’ve become. It’s going to be like a mirror right in front of you and what you’ll see might not be what you expect.

Wearing your bright red dungaree with an oversized vintage shirt and a pair of white sneakers, you definitely don’t look like you’re dressed for a business meeting, but when did you ever? Pushing your hair back with a pair of cat eye shades, you leave a little earlier, knowing well traffic is horrible in these hours. You arrive to the office building just minutes before eleven, Taylor has already texted that she has arrived and which office you should come to. When you finally find the door you’ve been looking for, you take a moment to yourself before knocking.

“Come in!” a male voice calls out and you walk in. Taylor is sitting on the sofa that’s pushed against the wall on the left, a man is sitting behind the enormous desk and then there is Harry, standing by the window, his hands hidden in the pockets of his black slacks, and old Rolling Stones t-shirt hanging loosely on his frame as his eyes meet yours upon your arrival.

“Hey, I would say I’m sorry for being late, but I’m actually exactly on time,” you smirk, closing the door behind you. The man stands from the desk and walking around he meets at the front, holding a hand out for you.

“Perfectly on time,” he smiles warmly. “I’m Jeffrey Azoff, nice to meet you.”

“Y/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you too.”

“And this here is Harry,” he motions towards the man who has stepped closer and as you look back at him, you’re met with a blank expression for a moment so you can’t figure out if he remembers you or not. But then, a tiny smile tugs on his lips as he holds his hand out for you.

“We’ve met before, right?” he simply questions, and your eyes flicker over to Taylor in a kind of “See? I told you!” manner before you look back at Harry and shake his hand.

“Yeah, we have,” you nod. “A long time ago.”

“Congrats for your nominations,” he smirks, his hand letting go of yours and your let out a soft chuckle.

“Well, thank you. Back at you.”

“Alright, why don’t we start this discussion? We have a lot to go over,” Jeff suggests and you sit beside Taylor while Harry stays near the window, as if he is trying to soak up the sunshine coming through it that’s painting his skin a golden shade.

The concept is simple. The performance would be a mashup from Sleepless and Harry’s song Golden with an exciting and fresh way of mixing the two songs together in the middle, making your song flow into his in a smooth and effortless way. The songs sound compatible and you already have an idea how to mash them together for the transition, but you can’t help but feel doubts over the performance.

“What are your concerns exactly?” Jeff questions.

“Not to come off too harsh, but why is my song the first one?” you ask, earning a few puzzled looks. “If Harry finishes it off, he is going to be the one people will remember more and he’ll get the applause as well. The riffs in the songs allow them to be switched, how come it’s not me who comes second?”

You can see the shock on Jeffrey’s face at how straight-forward you were about your concern and that you even dared to speak up about the issue. He clearly hasn’t had to face anything similar before and when he glances at Harry you follow his gaze as well, but instead of shock, what you see on his face is amusement. He is smirking, tapping his fingers against his chin as he stares back at you.

“She has a point,” he nods and you take a deep breath. For a moment, you really thought this is going to be the part where you are thrown off and Harry makes the performance only his.

“I, uhh—this is what’s been requested,” Jeff answers and you tilt your head.

“Okay, can we make a request to change it?” you simply ask, eyeing Taylor next to you who is typing on her iPad vigorously, taking notes of everything that’s said. She is already used to what you’re like, she is not even surprised you came up with the prompt to change.

“Hold on, so just because you want to be second, you get to be?” Harry questions, but he doesn’t come off as harsh, it seems like he is entertained by the conversation. “Does this mean I don’t deserve to be the second one?”

“That’s-That’s not what I meant,” you answer, taken aback from his accusation and you hate to admit, but he is right. You addressed the issue, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve the spot either.

“Alright, so then we need to seek a solution that benefits the both of us,” he offers, walking closer from the sunlight and you follow his every movement.

“We could do some kind of medley? Do an ultimate mashup from more songs and have more smaller parts split between us, finishing it together,” you suggest and he nods.

“That could work, but I have something else on my mind.”

“And what would that be?” Jeff asks, a little lost about the situation as he watches the two of you exchange ideas.

“We could write a song together, a duet, and perform that instead of our solo stuff.”

“What?” you snap right away. “You want to write a whole new song just for the Grammy’s?”

“Why not?” he smiles carefreely. “We have almost two entire months to do it, albums have been written in shorter periods, I’m sure we can handle just one song. And I think a collaboration would be a hit for the both of us now.”

You look at Taylor who just stares back at you, ignoring the panic in your eyes.

“Don’t look at me,” she tells you. “I can see the collaboration working, it could be a huge hit.”

“And what, we’re gonna release it as a single after the show? Whose song is it going to be? I don’t have an album coming up until next year, do you get to have it on your third one then?”

“We can put it out as just a single. No one has to have it on any albums,” Harry replies. “If we released it after the show, it would be just the right timing. Neither of us had any new songs out in a while.” Clenching your jaw you’re trying to find a way out of this collaboration, though you’re not even sure yourself why. Taylor sees right through you, knowing well you’re planning your escape, but she has other plans apparently.

“Y/N, let’s have a few words outside,” she pushes herself up and pulls you with her. Once the door is shut behind the two of you she starts right away. “What the fuck is your problem? The song is a huge thing, it would be an instant hit with him on it!”

“Why do I need a song with him to stay relevant?” you question, folding your arms on your chest.

“No one said it’s about that. But we both know it would be a great push to your name that Jordan has stomped over not so long ago, calling you a Feminist Nazi.”

“Don’t even fucking mention him!” you whisper yell, refusing to even think about that trashbag of a man that ruined your life with his fake accusations.

“Look, I know what you are thinking, that you’ll be seen as just an object next to him, a pair of boobs and nice legs, but that’s not his brand. He doesn’t need you to be sexy next to him, he is known for his honest and real works that go farther than just twerking and being a hoe. We both know he produces meaningful music, so why are you so against it?”

“I just… I-I’m scared to work with him,” you finally admit and it’s the first thing today that surprises Taylor.

“Scared? Thought you’re not scared of anything,” she huffs.

“I never said that,” you give her a look. “Harry met me when I was nobody, it was just me and my big mouth, trying to find my breakout. What if we start working together and he sees that I completely lost that version of myself? I would feel like a liar, an impostor.”

“You are overreacting,” Taylor sighs. “You’ve changed on your way here, but I doubt you are that far from the girl he met before. I know we didn’t meet just a few years after, but I can assure you, you’re still that big-mouthed pain in the ass who fights every norm in the industry like no one else.”

You know she is right, she is always right. Taylor knows you too well, that’s why you love working with her, but sometimes, her honesty throws you way off, especially when she is stating the truth.

The two of you rejoin the two men in the office and they both look at you with anticipation as you fold your arms on your chest and move your gaze over to Harry.

“I would… love to work on a song with you.”

When you agreed to work with Harry you didn’t think you’d find yourself heading over to his house a few days later to have a writing session, but he offered right away that day in the office and Taylor accepted it before you could protest. You’ve had a day filled with meetings and fittings and now you’re rolling up his driveway after punching the security code in that he shared with you over text.

You’ve exchanged numbers on the spot and just like that, you’ve become one of the few people on this world that could contact Harry Styles anytime they want to.

You chose to be casual for the occasion, wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a white hoodie, you like to be comfortable whenever you’re working on new music and Harry’s presence won’t change your ways about that. You’re not sure what to expect, if you’re being honest you’re still afraid of being alone with Harry and do such an emotional thing together as writing a song.

The front door opens just as you get out of your car, grabbing your bag from the passenger seat. Harry walks out wearing a pair of shorts and a green hoodie, looking like he hasn’t left the house all day.

“Hey, you found the address easily?” he asks smiling as you walk up to him.

“Yeah, everything went fine.”

“Do you want something to drink or eat maybe?” he offers as the two of you walk inside. If you’re being honest, you’re starving, the last time you had anything to eat was between two meetings around ten, but nothing since then, just a granola bar. But you’re a first time guest, you can’t just eat up his fridge, like you’re old pals, right?

However, Harry can see right through you.

“You haven’t had anything in a long time, right?” he softly asks and you purse your lips, feeling awkward already and you haven’t been here for more than two minutes. “I can make you a sandwich, if you’d like.” “Harry, no need, I—“ “No need, but I want to. Come on,” he nods at you, making you follow him into the kitchen. “So, who would have thought we would be here now, huh?” he smirks at you as he gathers the ingredients and starts working on your food while you sit on one of the stools at his kitchen island.

“Not me,” you admit chuckling. “I kind of didn’t think I would see you again, I mean, personally. I was seeing you a lot on TV after that.”

“Now might be a good time to confess that, that night wasn’t the last time I saw you.”

“What?”

“I went to one of your gigs a few weeks later. Stayed at the back, I just really wanted to see you play.”

“And what did you think?” you ask tilting your head to the side. Harry smirks, his eyes meeting yours before they return to the food under his hands.

“You absolutely smashed it. And I felt even worse for taking your time away that night. The people were robbed from a mind-blowing performance and had to see five annoying guys clown on the stage,” he laughs making you chuckle too. “I wasn’t surprised when your name surfaced a few years later. Knew you’d make it at one point.” He joins you at the island and slides the plate in front of you with a warm smile.

“Thank you,” you mumble smiling shyly before you start eating and only after the first bite you feel just how hungry you’ve been. “Now that we are at it, I want to apologize for the way I talked to you guys back then. I feel like I was a bigger asshole than I should have been and the whole situation wasn’t entirely your fault.”

“No need to apologize,” he shakes his head. “You were absolutely right. We had no business being on stage that night and what you said actually made us think about where we came from and appreciate our career more. You were right about having it easy at the beginning. We never had the phase where we had to push our way to the top like other artists, our first days were broadcasted on TV, giving us the biggest push ever.”

It’s good to hear he is not holding grudges against you for whatever went down in the past. You eat in silence while Harry types a response to a message on his phone before turning it with the screen down to pay his full attention to you.

“I actually just messaged Niall that we are working together and he is losing his shit over it,” he chuckles softly.

“You guys still talk?”

“Yeah, sometimes. Not all of us thought,” he adds, pressing his lips together.

“You miss being with the band?”

“It’s… good to rely on someone in certain situations. As a solo artist, you only have yourself and that’s about it. But I think you already know that.”

“I never really liked being in a band,” you admit.

“How come? I think you fit in well with The Gambits.”

You shrug, chewing on your bite slowly. It’s probably not the best time to admit that you prefer working on your own, when you’re about to get into a duet with him.

“I uhh… I always imagined myself being a solo artist and I just couldn’t stay with the guys too long, especially when I got my record deal.”

“Why?” Letting out a long breath you lick your lips looking at him.

“I would have never made it in a band with three guys. It would have always been about which one I’m sleeping with, who am I having an affair with or if I’m lesbian because I’m not hooking up with any of them. This is just how it goes for women.”

Harry stays quiet, taking your words in as you finish the sandwich that was literally lifesaving. You wash the plate even when he tells you to just leave it in the sink, and once that’s done, the two of you move over to his little home studio in the basement of his house.

“So, where do we start?” you ask, making yourself comfortable in one of the armchairs while he grabs an acoustic guitar and sits on the one next to you.

“How do you usually start writing?” he asks scratching his chin before he rests his hands on the body of the guitar.

“Well, most of the times I write when I’m pissed about something,” you huff and Harry smirks at you.

“Nothing pissed you off lately?”

“Not enough to make me write a song,” you point out. “See, this is one of the reasons why I was hesitant to write a song with you. It doesn’t come that easily for me.”

“And what were the other reasons?” You shut your mouth at his question, you weren’t expecting him to pick it up, but apparently, he listens more than you thought.

“It’s… a long story.”

“And we have all the time,” he smiles slyly. “But of course, don’t feel pressured to share. I just thought it would be nice to get to know each other more so we can work together easier.”

Harry starts strumming his guitar gently, playing random riffs as you watch him, chewing on your bottom lip. Taylor asked you to try and be more open than you usually are and though part of you wants to keep the wall high between you and him, something is telling you to try and reach out to him.

“I didn’t want to do it, because I didn’t want to be seen as just a pretty face next to you. In duets between a man and a woman, females are often seen as just an object, a sight for the eyes but not as serious artists. I worked hard to be taken seriously and I was hesitant about collaborating with you even though your music is not necessarily what I should fear.”

Harry looks back at you with an unreadable expression and you feel like he is judging you for standing up for yourself. Your fight for yourself is often mistaken as “being a bitch” or “being too sensitive” and the amount of times you’ve been told to just chill is upsetting.

“Well, good thing then that I won’t write music about twerking,” he then finally speaks up, a smile breaking his blank expression.

“But you do write a lot about sex,” you point out with a smirk.

“That I do, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be sexist at the same time.”

“You’re right,” you nod smiling.

 The writing process turns out to be harder than you thought. You’re not specifically inspired and Harry is the person to just throw things around until he finds something he likes. The two of you put together is kind of chaotic as you try to come up with something useful.

Two hours later you have a raw version of a melody that could serve as a chorus, but nothing else, no full melody, no lyrics. And if you’re being honest, you don’t like that chorus that much either.

“It’ll be fun to just stand on stage for three minutes and do absolutely nothing, because we couldn’t write anything,” you groan, sliding lower in your seat, rubbing your face with your hands.

“It’s literally our first session and we have plenty of time, Y/N. Don’t stress about it.”

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“You don’t know how not to stress?”

“I literally haven’t had a stressfree day since about 2007, so no, I don’t know.”

“You can’t chill even when you smoke?” he asks and you give him a puzzled look. “What, you smoke, don’t you?”

“Cigarettes? I put it down in 2015.”

“No, I’m not talking about cigarettes,” Harry chuckles softly. “You don’t smoke weed?” You shyly shake your head. “Really? I would have sworn you’re the type to relax with a good joint. Want to try it?”

“What? Now?” you ask with wide eyes.

“Why not?” he shrugs and walks over to the little side table in the corner of the room and reaching into it he simply pulls a little plastic bag out with three joints in them.

“Are you just casually keeping joints around your house?”

“I don’t really smoke them, they make me feel sleepy. But some of my friends like it so I keep a few around,” he explains as he takes one out and puts the rest back. “You want to try?”

“I-I’m not sure… I have to drive back home.”

“You can stay for the night, I have three guest bedrooms,” he shrugs before his eyes meet yours. “Again, not trying to pressure you, I’m just offering.”

“Are you gonna smoke?”

“We can share one if you want. I would recommend smoking one by yourself for the first time.”

“Okay,” you nod shortly as you watch him tip-tap the joint a little, rolling it between his fingers before he takes it between his lips and reaches for a lighter. “Wait, shouldn’t we do it somewhere outside? The smoke is gonna get stuck in here.”

Harry stops, thinking about what you said and he nods. Grabbing the guitar he asks you to follow him and the two of you move up and out to the terrace, sinking into his lounge chairs. You bring your knees up to your chest, hugging them tightly as you watch Harry light the joint and take the first few puffs. As he exhales the smoke he holds the joint out for you and you take it, hesitantly putting it between your lips as you inhale for the first time. You can’t help but scowl at the taste, the whole act of smoking feeling strange after years of smoking your last cigarette. You keep it down a little before puffing the smoke out and passing the joint back to Harry.

You keep switching until you make it past half of it and you finally start to feel the effect of it. You feel light, like you’re floating in the pool that’s in front of you, you can almost feel the water touching your skin yet you’re still dry.

“How are you feeling?” Harry asks, blinking at you with hooded eyes.

“I’m feeling… fine,” you chuckle softly as you take the joint from him and drag from it again. “Do you do other drugs?”

“I’ve done shrooms a few times, not often though. I’m not trying to pick up an addiction,” he smiles softly, running a hand through his hair. “Have you done anything?”

“No,” you shake your head. “Didn’t have the money for it before and then didn’t have time later. But I never really felt the need either.”

“And you said you put down the cigarette as well?”

“Yeah. I knew I had to do that sooner or later, it was starting to change my voice and I couldn’t have that.”

“That’s what we always told Louis, that his voice will turn to shit if he keeps smoking,” Harry chuckles softly, dragging from the joint before he passes it over to you, not much left of it.

“Did he ever stop?”

“I think he put it down when his son was born, but I don’t know if he started again.”

You give the joint back for him to finish it and you watch him put it out in the ashtray before he sinks down in the lounge chair, closing his eye for a bit, breathing steadily. You find it amusing how you can still see the guy that handed you a check years ago at that bar, trying to make things right, but he also looks like a completely different person at the same time. He is more mature and open in his mindset and just the way he approaches things in general. The Harry you met seven years ago was still searching his way, but the version lying next to you now is a lot more confident in who he really is.

“Want to take a picture?” he hums keeping his eyes closed.

“What?”

His eyes peel open and turn to face you, a smug smirk on his lips.

“You’ve been staring at me. Take a picture, it lasts longer.”

“You are way too full of yourself,” you scoff and pushing yourself up from the lounge chair you walk over to the edge of the pool, mesmerized by the way the light is dancing on the surface.

You never really thought about what weed would feel like in your system, but it feels oddly tranquil and relaxing. In a way your body feels a little strange, like it’s not even yours, but you also sense everything very… loudly.

“You alright?” you hear Harry’s voice coming from behind, the tapping on his feet signaling that he is walking closer to you.

“Yeah,” you nod without taking your eyes off of the water.

“Do you want to go for a swim?”

“What?” you breathe out turning to face him.

“Do you want to go in?” he rephrases his question with a small smile.

“I don’t… have a bathing suit,” you answer and the moment the words leave your mouth they feel so ridiculous even when you were just stating the truth.

“Okay, but you are wearing underwear, aren’t you?” he smirks. “Or I’m completely fine if you want to go in naked,” he adds smugly.

“Shut up,” you chuckle. “Can you… maybe give me a pair of shorts? I’m fine without a bra when I come out but I would rather have my underwear on dry.”

“Sure,” he hums and turning around he jogs back into the house while you stay right there, staring at the water again.

With each passing moment you get calmer, the outside world and everything in life that’s not happening right in this moment eases into nothingness, your mind numbs in the best way possible.

When Harry returns he is wearing a pair of yellow swimming shorts, two towels are thrown over his shoulders and he has a pair of white shorts in his hands.

“This is the smallest thing I have, I think it’ll be fine,” he comments handing you the shorts.

“Thanks,” you nod before he shows you the way to the closest bathroom where you change out of your clothes leaving them in a neatly folded pile on the counter, you put on the shorts that are a little big on you, but once you’ve tied the strings it seems to be staying up steadily. Your simple black bra is not showing more than what a bikini top would, so you feel fine walking out in your attire.

Harry is sitting at the edge of the pool, his legs moving around in the water. His head lifts hearing your steps and he smiles at you, standing up when you arrive.

“Fits fine,” he nods, taking a look at the shorts.

“Yeah,” you chuckle.

Walking over to the steps you dip your feet in first, testing the temperature before you start going in further, Harry following you right behind. Just as you expected, the water feels smooth against your skin, warmly caressing and swallowing your body as you get in, the surface reaching your chest. You let your arms move around, feel how the water runs through your fingers, it’s amusing and you enjoy it probably more than you should. It’s just water, but right now it feels like a pile of clouds.

“I know I suggested to smoke and then swim, but please don’t drown into my pool, I won’t be able to talk myself out of that,” he chuckles, easing him into the water until it reaches his neck.

“My life is in your hands, Harry,” you smirk at him before you follow him and let the water swallow your whole body up to your neck.  “This feels so nice.”

“Yeah? You like it?” he smirks.

“Mm, like I’m… floating through space.”

“In a sense, you are floating in the water,” he chuckles. “You don’t feel sick, right?”

“No, I’m fine,” you smile at him shortly.

You move over to the edge of the pool, laying your arms to the side, holding yourself up so your legs could float in the water. You watch Harry dive under and swim across the pool, reaching the far end before he pushes himself over to you.

“When I went to see you perform there was a song I really liked, but I never found it anywhere later.”

“Which one?”

“The chorus went like… Crashing and crumbling, I’m fighting for my breath, Today won’t be the day I’m meeting death…”

You suck on your breath, surprised how well he remembered the lines even after so many years. He recalled them perfectly, even singing the melody a little with them.

“I never recorded it in studio,” you admit quietly.

“Why not?”

“Because it felt too emotional and I didn’t want it to be just out there.”

“What was the name of the song?”

“It’s called Till I Die. I wrote it when…” You take a deep breath, feeling heavy just by talking about it, but something is urging you to share it with him. “I left from home right after I graduated high school, broke contact with my parents completely and I had a few very rough years, trying to just… keep myself alive, I guess.”

“Can I ask why you left your parents?”

“We had very different visions of what I should become. And I didn’t intend to live the life they imagined for me. My parents are very… traditional, my career in their eyes is just some kind of circus when I’m the clown on the stage. They don’t take any of it seriously and they made it very clear at the beginning that they don’t want me to become a musician. I was supposed to become a surgeon, my dad is one and my mom is in criminal law, they both worked very hard to get to where they are, but they don’t think that’s exactly what I’m doing as well.”

The last person you shared it with was Taylor and though it feels odd to open up about these old wounds again, but having Harry as the one listening to you just feels right.

“You haven’t talked to them since you left?”

“No,” you shake your head.

“And they didn’t even try to contact you?”

“Well, I made sure they couldn't. Changed my number first thing I set my feet outside the house and I never left them any of my addresses. I know it sounds cruel, but I didn’t want to do anything with them after the shaming they put me through when I told them I don’t want to become their perfect little daughter. They told me that I could consider myself disowned from the family if I dare to even write a song.”

“Woah, that sounds really tough.”

“It was,” you nod. “I wasn’t asking them to support me in any other way apart from just being there for me. It’s not like I wanted to spend the money the put aside for my tuition to buy guitars and tour the country, I just wanted them to… accept who I am, but apparently, I asked for too much.”

You feel tears forming in your eyes, but you wipe them quickly. It’s been long since the last time you let the thought of your parents, you’ve been good at keeping these feelings bottled up and in the deepest end of your mind. It’s not like you’re going around and just share your trauma with anyone you meet, but it felt comfortable to share it with Harry.

“I’m sorry about that. Everyone should have a support, especially in our job.”

“I had… myself,” you chuckle bitterly. “Became pretty good at relying only on myself.”

“I’m guessing it’s another reason why you prefer working alone, right?” he smiles at you softly.

“You could say that,” you nod into the water.

“I know it’ll sound cheesy, but… if you ever want to talk, I’m here,” he offers.

“Oh, are we becoming friends?” you ask chuckling.

“We’ve known each other for long enough to be friends, am I right?” he smirks, splashing some water in your way.

“We met a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean we know each other. Everything I know about you is from articles and gossip sites and I think you can only say the same thing,” you point out.

“Okay, then let’s get to know each other.”

“What, do you want to play 21 questions now or something?” you huff.

“Damn right,” he smirks.

And that’s exactly what you do. Swimming around in the pool you ask each other questions, some are funny, some are more serious and you slowly start to get to know each other, seven years after meeting for the first time, but in a way it feels like it’s been just last week when you were talking in the alleyway.

The weed soon dies down in your system, leaving you incredibly tired and it’s only then you realize it’s already past one am. Pulling out of the pool, you both grab a towel drying yourselves up before making your way back into the house.

“The guest bedroom next to mine has a bathroom so I think that’s the best one. I can give you something to sleep in if you’d like,” Harry offers as you follow him down the hallway.

“I think I’m fine in my sweats, but thank you.” He shows you the room, tells you how to change the AC if you feel too cold or hot and then bidding goodbye he is about to go to his own room when you stop him.

“Thank you for… today. I know we didn’t get far with the song, but… I liked hanging out with you,” you admit with a shy smile, leaning against the doorframe.

“Don’t worry about the song, it’ll be fine. And I liked it too. We can make it a regular thing, if you want. You can come over, we’d chill and try to cook up something for the song.”

“I, uhh… Yeah, that sounds good,” you nod, he shoots you a smile before turning around and disappearing in his room.

The morning doesn’t turn out at all any awkward, especially because you don’t get to stay around too long. You have a meeting at eleven so you have to leave in time to go home and get changed before that. Harry makes you coffee, which is lifesaving, the two of you sit at the terrace as you drink it and you arrange to meet in two days to try and have another, hopefully more successful session for the song.

You genuinely enjoyed your time with Harry and to think that you didn’t only smoked weed for the first time with him, but also opened up about your parents, you feel a kind of connection forming and you can only hope you’re not gonna regret it later.

You move on with work after leaving from Harry’s that morning, you have some fittings for upcoming photoshoots and an interview scheduled, so there’s not much time for you to sit around. Tonight you’re supposed to meet Harry again at his place for another session and you feel buzzed about it. You meet Taylor for lunch, sitting on the terrace of your usual place she is talking you through everything that’s coming up the next week, just like you always do so then you can put work aside and have a real chat.

“So how did the writing session go?” she asks, digging into her salad that she always asks with extra chicken.

“The writing? Not so well. But we had a good time,” you truthfully admit.

“Good, good! You’re finally making friends!” Taylor grins, satisfied with the news. You just roll your eyes at her, turning back to your food right when you notice that your phone has been blowing up with notifications.

Huffing you grab it from the table with the pure intention of muting it down completely, but then you see that several people have texted you the same link and it bugs your curiosity so you open one of the messages and tap on the link.

“You have got to be kidding me,” you groan, feeling your rage already pushing up your spine, clouding your vision in red.

“What?” Taylor snaps, reaching for her phone out of reflex.

“That fucking asshole dragged my name again!”

“Who? Jordan? That fucker never learns?” Taylor hisses, her thumbs vigorously typing on the screen immediately.

“Someone asked him about me on Twitter and he dared to call me a lying bitch! I can’t fucking believe this man!”

You and Jordan worked together on a project a while ago. You were supposed to write lyrics to a song he was composing and it was meant for an upcoming popular Netflix show, so the anticipation around the song was huge, especially when word got out that Ariana Grande might end up singing it. During your time working together he very blatantly tried to hit on you, which you politely shut down, because one, you didn’t intend to date someone you were working so close with and two, you just simply weren’t into him. However, he couldn’t take rejection the way a mature, almost thirty years old man should. It started off very subtly, but once you’ve had a chat with him to stop posting obnoxious and suggesting things about you on his social media, because it’s making it hard for you to be taken seriously as an artist and that people will just see you as another celeb which you don’t want to be, he just completely lost his shit. He called you different names on Twitter a few times, the worst were Feminist Nazi and a cock teasing slut, and he just somehow never fails to mention that you lied about your intentions with him, when you were clearer than daylight that you didn’t want a thing from him other than work.

When you realized he isn’t going to be stopping anytime soon, you took him to court, dragged his ass in front of the judge and won the case, which ended with him having to pay you thirty thousand dollars and he was ordered to clear all his platforms from your name for good. You really thought that taught him a lesson, especially because against your will, the case got some publicity and he ended up making headlines about the fault accusations he made about you, but it seems like he didn’t have enough.

You wouldn’t worry that much about his new tweet, knowing that he is the one lying, but the trials took a toll on you. It was at the beginning of the time when you were making yourself a name and even though you won, his accusations stung for some people and some even thought him to be the victim. You fell out of two brand deals and an important interview in the upcoming months which was a major setback and all for what? Because a man couldn’t accept rejection? The sad part is that if it would have happened the other way around, he wouldn’t have had to suffer any effect of it, people don’t tend to question a man’s words when he is showing this charming and nice persona to the public. If you accused him the same way you would have been dragged and titled as a sour crybaby and Jordan’s life would have carried on the same way.

The peaceful lunch soon falls through as Taylor turns on her beast mode to at least get the tweet down as soon as possible, already contacting the legal team you worked with before. It has to be against what you agreed on at the end of the trials, he can’t just go around and drag you again without any consequences.

In just about twenty minutes, the tweets disappear from Jordan’s feed, but you know it was already late the moment he posted it. If something gets out on the internet it never goes away, there are probably hundreds if not thousands of screenshots floating around that will preserve his words forever.

You part ways Taylor as he heads to an immediate meeting with the lawyers you worked together previously, she tells you to try not to worry about it, but you can’t just turn it off in you, that’s not how it works.

Making your way home you keep riling yourself up about it, thinking about what it’s gonna cause you this time, what opportunity is going to be taken because a man has called you a lying bitch, even after winning the previous trial against him that proves how big of an asshole he really is.

Changing into a casual attire you head to Harry’s place a little earlier, hoping it’s not a problem you get there an hour before you were supposed to. Arriving you’re a little taken aback seeing that there is another car parking on the driveway that’s not his and you immediately regret coming here, but before you could leave, the front door opens and Harry walks out. You couldn’t have left without noticing, the security system must have signaled your arrival when you punched the opening code in.

“Hey, everything alright?” he asks instead of questioning your early arrival.

“I uhh—I’m sorry for being early, I could go—“

“Don’t be silly, come on in!” he waves at you and you walk up the stairs. “Two friends are here but they were just about to leave soon,” he explains as you walk in.

“Sorry for crashing the party,” you let out a soft chuckle.

“The more the merrier,” he smiles. “You seem a little stressed, everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just… It’s nothing,” you shake your head.

“Oh my God, is that who I think it is?” you hear a woman’s voice from behind and turning around you see a smiley brunette walking towards you, a shy looking guy following behind her.

“Sarah, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Sarah, my drummer, and that wanker over there is Mitch, my guitarist.”

“Nice to meet you.” Shaking hands with both of them you realize they look familiar from pictures you’ve seen from Harry’s tour.

“I saw that ugly tweet today, that guy needs to be kicked in the balls,” Sarah sighs with a sympathetic smile, Harry’s ears perking up.

“What tweet?” he asks, eyes switching between you and Sarah.

“Oh, just… Jordan Wells thinks it’s fine to drag people with absolutely no truth behind his words,” you answer with a tight-lipped smile.

“Jordan Wells? The name rings a bell,” Harry hums.

“He is a music producer,” Mitch chimes in.

“I think he was supposed to write for 1D one time, but the deal fell through. Guess we didn’t miss out on anything,” he jokes and it brings a genuine smile to your face.

“You surely didn’t,” you comment under your breath.

You chat with Sarah and Mitch for a bit before they decide to head out, but Sarah asks you to come around sometime they are hanging out and you gladly say yes, wanting to know her and Mitch better, they seem like great company and even greater musicians, it’s always good to meet people who are like you.

As Harry walks his friends out you make yourself comfortable on the couch, reading Taylor’s texts about the update on the recent actions, she has gotten in contact with Jordan’s team and legal steps will be taken if Jordan doesn’t show any sign of improvement in the very near future.

“Hey, want something to drink? Wine or beer maybe?” Harry walks in as you look up from your phone.

“Wine sounds fucking fantastic,” you breathe out earning a soft chuckle from him. You follow him into the kitchen and watch him get a bottle of white wine with two glasses. “I hope Sarah and Mitch didn’t leave early because of me.”

“Oh, not at all. They knew you’d be coming over and would have left around this time, so don’t worry about it.”

He joins you at the kitchen island with the two glasses handing you one and you take a sip from it with a satisfied hum.

“So, want to talk about this Jordan ordeal?”

“There’s not much to talk, really,” you shrug. “He is a jerk and I just can’t seem to get rid of him and I didn’t even date the guy…”

“What did he do this time?”

“Oh, he just casually called me a lying bitch on Twitter, so that’s fun,” you let out a fake laugh, raising your glass before taking a big swig from it.

“Not that creative, if you’re asking me,” he jokes making you laugh. “It’s a very plain choice of words.”

“Yeah, not as good as his best which was calling me a feminist nazi.”

Harry almost chokes on his wine as you say the words, coughing a little while you watch him with an entertained smirk.

“That’s… an interesting way to express his opinion about you,” he answers diplomatically.

“Right? I was thinking about getting a sign of it, like a Live, Love, Laugh one, in the middle of my living room.”

“Would be a wonderful touch of décor,” he smirks. “Alright, I have a proposal for today’s session.”

“Shoot it.”

“You seemed to enjoy your weed experience the last time, I thought we could give it a try again, but we would try to write this time as well.”

“You want to write while smoking?” you ask raising your eyebrows at him.

“Only if you want to. I just thought it would relax you a bit, might even come up with some interesting ideas for the song.”

“Are you trying to turn me into an addict?” you narrow your eyes at him and he just holds his hands up innocently.

“Told you, no pressure,” he smirks angelically.

“I feel like I’m not even coming here to work but to meet with my new dealer,” you chuckle making him laugh. “Okay, we can… give it a try.”

 An hour and one joint per person later the two of you are lounging in his living room, he is sprawled out on the loveseat with a guitar on his arms while you are curled upon the sectional, fumbling with the strings of your hoodie.

“We should just… fucking steal a song,” you snort, finding your comment hilarious.

“Which one were you thinking about?” Harry smirks your way, his fingers gently strumming some random melody on the instrument.

“I really want to have a Madonna song to be mine,” you sigh dreamily.

“You’re a fan?”

“Oh, I grew up on her. I have an elaborate choreography for Hung Up,” you snort.

“You need to perform it for me.”

“No fucking way,” you laugh shaking your head. “Not even weed can make me dance for you.”

“Come on, I need to see that choreography, you can’t just hint it and then never show it to me!”

“Nah, not happening,” you laugh, sliding lower down in your seat, your head resting against the armrest of the couch.

You listen to him play the same melody over and over again with your eyes closed and though you really like what you are hearing, no words are forming in your mind that could serve as lyrics. Your phone buzzes on the cushion next to you and grabbing it you see a text from Taylor.

Taylor: Lawyers are on the case, we’ll have more tomorrow, don’t stress about it too much. Night! Xx

Sighing you drop the device back next to you, covering your eyes with your arms.

“You alright?” Harry softly asks.

“Nah, I just want to… disappear,” you sigh, tired of this fight you’ve been fighting for way too long.

“Is this about Jordan? He is a fucking ass, most people know it.”

“But not everyone!” you snap throwing your hands up. “And that fraction that still believes that he is saying the truth is enough to ruin my life. I’m fucking fed up with the injustice women have to face because of the patriarchy we are forced to live in!” Pushing yourself up you run a hand through your hair, hugging your knees to your chest. “It’s so fucking upsetting, like everything I do goes straight down the drain because of one little thing and I’m stuck with trying to rebuild my whole future plan.”

From a sudden urge, you move down to the floor, lying down on the fluffy rug that runs under the couches and the glass coffee table. It feels nice, kind of grounding to lie flat on the floor, especially because your senses are all messed up again because of the weed, but in a good kind of way.

“You worry way too much on longterm things. Try to stay in the moment a little more,” Harry tells you, putting the guitar to the side so he can move his feet to the floor, leaning onto his knees. “You can’t control this much what happens in the future, you should only care about today. And today, you’ve done good, you made it through another day, you did what you had to do and that’s it. Stressing about tomorrow or the next week or next year is just way too much to deal with all the time, twenty-four-seven, three-six-five, that’s just no way to live.”

Lying on the floor you stare up at the ceiling seemingly blankly, but your mind starts to swirl over what he just told you. The worlds are running around, mixing and mingling until something starts to form, making you gasp.

“Grab the guitar,” you tell him, sitting up abruptly. He pulls his eyebrows together, but does as you told him to, holding the instrument on his lap as he waits for you to instruct him more. “Play that… that melody you’ve been playing, but a little faster.”

He turns his attention at the guitar, trying the strings out a few times, feeling the melody under his fingers before he starts playing it just how you asked as you slowly start to sing the lines you have just thought about.

“You made it through… another day, you made it through another day… You did it, let’s celebrate…”

The lines fit perfectly with the melody he has come up with and the more you sing, the wider his smile grows as you move along in the forming song.

“Some days you feel you’ll break, but you made it through another day, yeah, you did it, let’s celebrate…”

“Don’t fucking stop!” he chimes in, never stopping the riffs, trying out new things as you go, slowly perfecting it together with the lyrics.

“Twenty-four-seven and three-six-five, you made another day, you made it alive! Made another day made it alive!” You sing loud and clear, completely lost in the melody Harry is playing, the lines just flowing out of you, like a dam has been taken down and now everything washes over you at once.

When the chorus is about to come up however you run out of ideas, your eyes meet Harry’s and he sees that you’re stuck. His eyebrows knit together, tongue runs along his lips before he starts playing the melody of the chorus and takes over the singing as well.

“So today, baby, remember it’s okay! We’re all floating through space, today, baby, remember you’re okay! We’re all floating through space…”

He plays a little with the lines, repeats them, tries a few times before he stops singing, you are now standing up, watching him end the melody, neither of you saying a word as he room grows silent. A sudden urge drives you to go closer and you sit back down to the floor in front of him, your eyes casting over the now silent instrument on his lap. Looking up your eyes meet his and you feel like the air is kicked out of your lungs.

You’ve heard so much about moments when you feel yourself pulling towards someone, when it’s like a magnetic field but you never actually experienced it until now. Staring back at Harry you feel that pull everyone has talked about and you finally understand what they were trying to say. It’s like there’s a string coming from your chest that’s connected to him and he is tugging it without even doing anything.

Reaching forward he tugs a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers dancing down the side of your face as you catch his eyes wander down to your lips. Sucking on your breath you feel the moment, you know what he is thinking about because you think about the exact same thing. Kissing him. You are desperate to find out what his lips feel against yours, what he tastes like, what it’s like to have him so close to you.

“You want to kiss me,” you whisper and it’s not a question, more like an observation.

“I do,” he admits with a soft smile, but doesn’t move closer. “Can I?”

“I don’t think it’s an appropriate thing to do in our situation,” you breathe out, though you don’t agree with the statement fully.

“You think too much,” he chuckles softly, leaning closer just a tad bit, but there are still a few inches between the two of you. “Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yes,” you admit.

“Then we should just do what we want to,” he suggests with a small smirk and he looks ridiculously handsome with his dimples and shining green eyes that are glued to you.

“And then what? We’ll just go on like it never happened or there’s going to be more happening? How are we supposed to—“

You don’t get to finish, because Harry closes the distance between you and him and presses his lips against yours, swallowing the rest of your stammering speech. Whatever doubts and hesitation you felt just a moment ago, it all vanishes into nothing as you melt into his kiss, his lips caressing yours gently, softly capturing them, savoring and tasting you with caution, giving you the chance to pull back anytime, but nothing in your body can make you stop kissing him in this moment.

His palms cup your jaw as you push yourself up, slowly making your way to straddle his lap after he has blindly put the guitar to the side, hands coming to rest on his shoulder for leverage. His other hand grips your waist, pulling you close until your chest is pressed up against his, lips never disconnecting in the kiss.

Kissing him feels like second nature, like it’s not even the first but the hundredth time, but on the other hand, every touch and tiny sparkle is so new and unusual, you’ve never felt like this before.

Harry slowly pulls back, pecking your lips a few more times before he stops, nuzzling his nose against you in an adorable and innocent way that brings a smile to your lips.

“Doesn’t it feel good to just do whatever you feel like doing?” he asks with a soft smile, making you laugh.

“Kind of.”

“Nothing has to change. Or something can, it’s up to you.”

“You are so upsettingly cool and respectful,” you blurt out chuckling and it makes him laugh, his head falling back against the back of the couch.

“I’m sorry, I guess?” he smirks with a shrug.

“See? Respectful!” you grin, your hands moving up to cup his face. The pad of your thumbs gently tap against his dimples that are showing thanks to the wide smile on his lips right now. You can’t stop yourself from leaning down and kissing him again, even though your rational side is trying to make you stop. You just can’t, his lips are screaming to be kissed and who are you to deny that?

You’ve been running errands all day. Following an early meeting you ran to your favorite vintage store to get another armchair for your living room. Then you went grocery shopping because your fridge has been ridiculously empty the past two days and later you had a quick fitting for a few outfits you are supposed to wear in the near future. You’ve ran into a few fans too, having small chit-chats with them, taking photos, so it’s been a busy day.

It’s been a week since you and Harry have kissed and despite your fears, it hasn’t been awkward at all. He didn’t bring it up, but you don’t feel like he is pretending it never happened, which is kind of a great balance. He is giving you just enough time and space to figure out what it really meant to you, because quite frankly, you have no idea.

Obviously, you find him attractive. You’d have to be completely blind to say that he is not handsome and just simply good to look at. You’re attracted to him and not just to his looks, but to his whole persona.

It’s just you’re not sure it’s a smart idea to start anything with the man you’re working with and though you know Harry is nothing like Jordan, part of you is still scared the whole thing will happen all over again if you get involved with another man from the industry.

Workwise, everything is going well. You’ve successfully finished the song you started that ominous evening and have started recording it in Harry’s home studio, working some more on the melody, bringing a lot more into it than just a single guitar. What more, you’ve been coming up with new ideas for other songs, lyrics popping up in either your or Harry’s head and you just keep sharing them with each other, saving them for later once the song for the Grammy’s is done.

Heading back to your place you get a call from Harry, his smiley face appearing on the screen of your face as you accept the call and his accent fills the car through the speakers that are connected to your phone through Bluetooth.

“Hey, hope I’m not calling in the middle of a meeting,” he greets you and you can tell he is smiling.

“No, I’m just on my way home. What’s up?”

“I’m meeting with Sarah and Mitch for dinner tonight, thought you’d like to join us.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude on your time with your friends, I feel like you’ve been spending all your time with me.”

“But I like spending time with you,” he chuckles softly, a blush making its way to your cheeks at his words.

“Are you sure you want me there? What about Sarah and Mitch? I crashed your last meeting with them as well.”

“You didn’t crash anything, Y/N. And I’m positive I want you there, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t. And just so you know, Sarah asked if you’d be joining us, so I assume they wouldn’t mind it either.”

“Oh, well, okay then. Send me the time and place.”

“Wonderful!” he beams, his enthusiasm making your chest warm.

By the time you arrive home he has already texted you the details and you have just one hour to spare before you have to head out. You opt for a quick shower and an outfit change, switching up your ripped mom jeans and simple t-shirt to one of your favorite jumpsuits. It’s a little baggy, but the waist is cinched in with an inbuilt corset, giving the whole fit a very interesting twist.

Arriving at the restaurant Harry has texted you the address of, the waiter escorts you to the terrace at the back that’s a lot more secluded and you feel yourself relaxing that you probably won’t get photographed. Harry is the only one who is already at the table, sitting with his eyes fixed on his phone, but he immediately puts it aside when he sees you approaching, a wide smile stretching across his face.

“Hey! You look amazing!” he greets you pulling you into a quick hug.

“Thank you,” you smile shyly. He is wearing a pair of brown slacks, a simple white shirt tucked into it, a knitted cardigan thrown on, a typical Harry outfit. “And thanks for the invite,” you add as you take the seat next to him, assuming Sarah and Mitch would like to sit next to each other.

“Don’t even mention it. We’re friends, it’s really nothing. I’m glad you could make it.”

The way he called you friends is giving you mixed feelings. Part of you is happily jumping up and down at the fact that he considers you as a friend, given how you don’t have many of those. It’s been hard opening up to anyone since you’ve made a name for yourself, you’ve ran into occasions a lot when people wanted more than just your friendship from you and it made you rather closed off when it comes to making friends.

On the other hand, you can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Is that all you are? Just friends? More importantly, is that all you want to be, or more?

Sarah and Mitch arrive soon after, joining you at the table and the waiter takes the orders before leaving the four of you alone. It seems like they genuinely like it that you’ve joined, so you can enjoy the evening a little more relieved.

Sipping on some amazing wine, you eat and talk and you feel like you’ve known these people your whole life. You especially like Sarah, she is so open-minded and funny and you think they make a great couple with Mitch who is obviously more closed off, but it’s obvious how much he worships his girlfriend.

Sometime in the evening, when you’ve already had two glasses of Chardonnay and you’re feeling a lot more relaxed and comfortable, you move closer to Harry without even noticing, leaning against him gently and his hand rests on your knee, giving it a soft squeeze under the table, making you want to move even closer to him to feel more of his touch, to get more of him.

Neither Sarah, nor Mitch questions the two of you being a little cozier and you’re thankful for the safe and stressfree environment they are providing, not making you overthink what you do, just letting you enjoy the moment.

At the end of the evening, you can’t shake the thought that you don’t want to say goodbye to Harry just yet. He pays for everyone’s dinner, leaving a generous tip for the waiter and you stay back at the table while Sarah runs out to the restroom and Mitch takes a quick call from his father, leaving you alone with Harry. His hand is still resting on your leg, a little farther up, but still in a very safe zone in the middle of your thigh.

Turning to face him your eyes meet his, his green irises glistening in the soft lighting and he looks so beautiful, you just want to kiss him again.

“Do you have plans after this?” you find yourself asking.

“Not that I know of.”

“Do you want to come over to my place?”

“That sounds like a nice plan,” he smiles at you warmly and you just know that if you weren’t out in the public, he would have leant in for a kiss and you wouldn’t have stopped him.

When Sarah and Mitch return all four of you head out and they don’t question when you follow Harry to his car. They say goodbye and Sarah makes you promise to join them some other time too and you happily say yes to the invitation.

Not much is being said on the way back to your place, he plays some music quietly as you navigate him through the streets.  

“Welcome to mi casa,” you smile as you key the two of you into your apartment you’ve been living in for the past few years.

It’s nothing luxurious, just a tad bit bigger than what one person would need as a home. You would have been fine living in your previous home you lived in before you’ve gained fame, but you needed a much bigger closet so you were forced to move. It’s a two bedroom apartment with one big bathroom, an open concept kitchen and a spacious living room. And of course, a closet as big as your bedroom. It’s the perfect size and you haven’t even thought about buying a bigger place just because you can, it would be a waste of money and space. The interior is very much vintage with all your mismatched furniture and colorful walls, but you think it’s quite cozy and just the ideal space for you.

“Would you like something to drink?” you ask, walking into the kitchen to get yourself some water.

“Some water would be great, thank you.”

Filling up two glasses you hand him one as you lean against the counter, silently eyeing each other. It should be clear to him that you had intentions with asking him to come over, especially after being your cozy with each other during dinner, but you’re a little lost in what you should or even want to do. You just know you want him close.

He drinks up his water, his eyes meeting your gaze as a small smirk tugs on his cherry lips.

“You want to kiss me,” he states, using the exact same words you used the night when you kissed for the first time.

“I do,” you nod, feeling a little breathless.

“Then do it,” he simply answers, making you smile.

“Cool and respectful, as always,” you grin at him as he moves closer, stopping just a few inches away from you, your feet almost touching. Reaching up his fingers gently caress the side of your face and you feel yourself already melting under his touch.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, a shiver running down your spine at his words. You close your eyes for a moment, giving yourself the chance to pull out of it, but you realize you don’t want that, not even the tiniest bit. Opening your eyes they meet with his gaze before you move closer, closing the distance between you and him, lips meeting in a warm and chaste kiss.

Though it grows a little hungrier, you can tell he is still holding back a little, giving you the chance to stop whenever you want to, but you don’t intend to. Pushing yourself closer to him, your arms curl around his neck as his hands grip your waist, your tongue meeting his as you deepen the kiss and melt into his embrace.

Pulling back you grab his hand and head to the bedroom, going back to kissing him the moment you reach it. You easily slide his cardigan off his broad shoulders, pulling his t-shirt out of his pants before taking it completely off, throwing it somewhere to the side. You smirk against his lips, hands wandering down his naked chest and you can’t push down a moan as you feel the warmth of his chest muscles under your touch.

When you feel him try to blindly figure out how to get you out of your jumpsuit with not much luck and this clears your head for a moment to realize what is about to happen. Pulling back your gaze meets his and he stares back at you with caution, ready to stop whenever you tell him to, but that’s not what made you pull back.

“Harry, I…” “We don’t have to do anything,” he softly tells you, his fingers dancing down the side of your face until they reach your chin and he pulls you in for a delicate and slow kiss.

“I want to,” you whisper. “It’s just that… I want you to know that I’ve never… I’ve never been with a man before.”

Searching in his eyes you look for any sign of what’s going on in his head wishing you could just simply read his thoughts.

“You’ve never been with a man?” he asks, seemingly not as surprised as you expected him to be. You nod, licking your lips, waiting for any kind of reaction, a part of you expecting to be upset, though you know he has no right to be mad at you for any of it. “Do you want me to be the first man?” he then asks, with a loving and warm smile as his hand on your hip pulls you against him playfully.

“Yes.”

“Then help me get you out of this jumpsuit, because I can’t figure it out for my life,” he chuckles making you laugh too.

You show him where the corset opens and then get you out of it with joined forces, finally leaving you standing in just your underwear. Harry’s gaze runs down your body, a look of hunger and passion shining through his green irises as he pulls you close again, kissing you with a lot more vigor this time.

Soon enough, his slacks slip to the floor and you climb to your bed, Harry following closely, climbing on top of you before rejoining your lips. Your knees open up wide for him, allowing him to sink his hips between your thighs, his crotch meeting your heated center, a moan slipping out your lips when you feel his erection rubbing against you through the material of your underwear. He kisses his way down your jawline and neck, gently sucking on the soft skin, peppering kisses along your collarbones before he reaches your chest. He easily unclasps your bra and slips the straps down your arms before getting rid of the barrier that’s been keeping him away from your naked chest.

“Fuck, Y/N, you are so damn beautiful,” he breathes out shakily, before his lips wrap around your right nipple, his hand cupping your other breast. You keep whining and whimpering as you feel his tongue swirl around your nipple before his mouth moves over to the other breast, giving it just the same amount of attention.

He kisses down your stomach, glancing up at you as he hooks his fingers into the elastic of your panties silently asking for your permission to go further, still so respectfully looking out for you. As an answer, you lift your hips up so he can easily slide the material down your legs and throw it to the side.

“Oh fuck!” you moan when his tongue and lips press against your bud, playing with it oh so perfectly, making you shudder. If you didn’t think Harry was perfect, his tongue work is now surely making a statement on that.

With every lick, kiss and suck he pushes you closer to your release that’s nearing in a fast pace like never before. Reaching down you lace your fingers through his chocolate curls, tugging on the lightly, making him moan against your core. You’re not sure how long you’ll last, but you want to cum with him inside you, so you pull him up, lips meeting again as you still taste your own juice on him. It’s heavenly.

Without breaking the kiss you reach down and into his underwear, palming his fully hard cock, earning a satisfied growl when you wrap your hand around him. The feeling is quite unknown, you’ve only once had to face a penis before, it happened back in high school when you were still figuring out what sexuality meant to you. Gave a wobbly and quite short handjob to a guy from the grade above you, never even talked to him again. The experience left a major effect on you, never even got close to being intimate with a man, but being with Harry now is putting everything into a whole new light.

“Do you have a condom?” he mumbles against your lips, clearly just as excited to carry on as you are.

“Yeah,” you nod and let go of him, rolling to the edge of the bed so you can dig into the drawer of your nightstand, successfully finding the little silver packet. Tearing it open you hand it over to Harry and get back to your previous position as you watch him kneeling up, rolling the condom on carefully. Your lips part when your eyes fall on his cock, seeing now how big he really is. Harry catches your eyes and leaning down he kisses you softly.

“Tell me if it hurts and I’ll stop, okay?” he kindly tells you, but you smile at him coyly.

“You might be the first man I’m with, but your dick won’t be the first thing to be inside me,” you answer with a smug smirk and it brings an amused look to his face.

“You are so fucking hot,” he murmurs, pressing his lips against yours in a hard kiss as he settles himself back between your legs.

Though you really tried to sound confident the other moment, you still feel a little nervous about it and Harry senses it right away. Holding himself up on one arm he cups your face in his other, kissing you slowly, taking his time with his lips, as if he is trying to make you forget about everything else but his lips.

“Are you still sure about this?” he softly asks, looking for any sign of hesitation in your eyes, but there’s none.

“Yeah, I want this. I want you,” you nod and reaching down between your bodies, you take him in your hands again, positioning him to your center.

Harry captures your lips in another passionate kiss as he pushes into you slowly, filling you up inch by inch. You gasp at the sensation, feeling a little tight around him, but not in an uncomfortable way.

“You alright?” he asks once he is almost fully in.

“Yeah, go ahead,” you breathe out with a small nod. He pecks your lips and slowly pushes all the way in before he starts to move out and then slide in again, picking up a not too fast but still firm pace with his movements.

You gradually get used to the feeling of him sliding in and out of you, it’s surely a whole different experience than using a dildo or any kind of toy you are used to. The thought that it belongs to him is bringing you a sense of intimacy you haven’t felt in a long time.

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you dig your fingers into his hot skin that’s coated with a thin layer of sweat as he keeps moving, slowly picking up his pace as you both get closer to the endgame.

“Harry, faster, please!” you plead, legs coming to wrap around his waist so he can thrust in deeper, making you go completely nuts from the way your orgasm is already forming in the pit of your tummy.

He obeys without a second thought, slamming into you faster and harder, making you continuously moan his name, the room is filled with moans and panting, the slapping noise of his hips meeting yours.

Harry buries his face into the crook of your neck, kissing and sucking on the soft skin, definitely leaving a mark, but you couldn’t care less. You just grab a handful of his hair, shutting your eyes closed as you feel yourself nearing the end.

“Harry, I’m gonna cum,” you pant, barely hanging on.

Instead of stretching it out and trying to play with you, Harry clearly wants you to combust. Reaching down between your bodies his index and middle fingers find your clit and he starts circling on it, adding that little extra you needed to fall over the edge.

Moaning and whimpering under his massive body, your orgasm washes over you in waves, bringing you such an intense satisfaction you’ve never felt before. He keeps up his thrusting and just a few moments later his movements fall out of his rhythm and mumbling your name over and over again, he gasps as he rides his high while you’re still trying to catch your breath following your own.

With a heaving chest Harry rolls off of you, gets rid of the condom and throws it to the small bin you keep next to your night stand and then lies flat beside you as you both just silently stare up at the ceiling, very much in the best kind of after sex haze.

“How are you feeling?” he then asks, rolling to his side, his hand coming to rest on your bare stomach. Turning your head to the side you crack a smile at him.

“I feel like I’ve just been properly fucked,” you bluntly answer, making him laugh wholeheartedly. Rolling to your side his arm falls to your waist as you scoot closer, your face only a few inches from his. He is so pretty up close, his features never fail to amuse you, hard to believe he is a real human, lying right next to you.

He closes his eyes a little, letting his head sink into the pillow as his fingers delicately dance up and down your side and back. You feel like you owe him to say something, dropping a major detail about yourself in a heated moment.

“I had two girlfriends,” you speak up, his eyes fluttering open to your words. “The first one was when I was eighteen, we dated for almost a year, then I briefly dated a guy, but it was barely just a month. And I had my second girlfriend when I was twenty. We were together for two years.”

“Are you still friends with them?”

“I still talk to the second one. Her name is Mila. We broke up because she moved to Spain for a job for a year and we didn’t want to do long-distance. Then we just… grew apart, but we still talk sometimes. She lives in Atlanta now, she has a girlfriend and she told me that she is planning to propose soon.”

A soft smile tugs on your lips as you talk about her. She was an important person in your life in a time that was truly challenging. Mila supported your dreams, she went to a lot of your concerts and she was the first one you called when you got your record deal even though you weren’t together anymore. She has seen you go from performing in dodgy bars to rocking the stage of arenas.

“Congrats to her,” Harry smiles through tired eyes. Reaching up he tucks your hair behind your ear before leaning closer he envelopes your lips in a soft kiss.

“We really shouldn’t have done this,” you hum, though you can’t wipe the satisfied smile off your lips.

“Why not?”

“Because we work together.”

“So what? We aren’t allowed to like each other?” he smirks cockily.

“You like me?”

“Thought I made that pretty clear,” he chuckles rubbing his eyes. “But yeah, I do like you, Y/N. A lot.”

“I… like you too,” you admit shyly. Leaning in he kisses you again before pulling you to his chest as he lies on his back.

“Can I stay the night or you want to throw me out?” he hums closing his eyes. Chuckling your snuggle to him, making yourself comfortable, enjoying the warmth of his body after so spending so many nights alone in this bed.

“You can stay, but you have to behave.”

“Oh I will behave my best, don’t worry.” A chuckle rumbles through his chest as you both fall silent and soon enough, drift off to sleep.

You wake up tangled in the sheets, but no one else is lying in bed with you. Blinking the sleep out of your eyes you look around and though there’s no sign of Harry in the room you spot his clothes on the floor. That’s when you hear the pots and pans clinking somewhere outside and you smile to yourself. You pull a t-shirt on with a pair of clean panties before heading out, finding Harry in your kitchen, wearing your pink fluffy robe and nothing else as he is making what seems to be pancakes.

“I don’t remember hiring a chef,” you joke walking closer, sliding a hand down his back as you lean against the counter next to the stove.

“Good morning,” he smiles. “I really wanted for you to wake up but I was afraid my growling stomach might wake you up,” he chuckles as he flips the pancakes in the pan with the spatula.

“Found everything you needed?” you ask, walking over the fridge to grab the orange juice.

“Yeah, you have a neatly organized kitchen,” he hums. “Sorry for snooping around though.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Pouring the juice to two glasses you hand one to him which he thanks softly before placing the golden pancakes to the plate on the counter and pours another bunch into the pan.

Sipping on your juice you watch him move around, making breakfast in your robe and you can’t help but smile at the sight of this fine man in your kitchen. Harry catches you eyeing him and he cocks an eyebrow at you.

“What’s gotten you so smiley?” he asks, his voice still a little groggy and husky.

“I just… really want to kiss you,” you shrug placing the glass to the counter.

“I think we are over this whole asking for permission thing,” he smirks, stepping closer he leans down and kisses you gently, tasting like orange juice and something sweet, he has probably ate one of the pancakes. His hand that’s not holding the spatula finds your waist, the t-shirt bunches up on your side as he pulls you closer, deepening the kiss before you hear sizzling coming from the stove.

“Whoops, not trying to burn the place down,” he chuckles as he turns to the pan and flips the pancakes. You wrap your arms around his waist and kiss his jawline before stepping away from him to set the table for breakfast.

“Do you have any plans this weekend?” he asks over breakfast.

“I have a meeting with my label on Saturday, but nothing else.”

“I’m having a few friends over Saturday evening, kind of a late Grammy nomination celebration. Want to come over?”

“Yeah, that… sounds good,” you nod smiling.

“I was thinking that maybe you could spend the night and then we can finish recording on Sunday.”

“Alright, I’m in.”

Harry takes a quick shower after breakfast before heading out, promising to call you later and though it still feels a little odd that he says goodbye with a kiss, you very much like this new setup between the two of you.

Friday evening Taylor is over at your place, she loves helping you sort out promo stuff you get sent all the time, especially because you let her take whatever you don’t want, half her closet was meant to be worn by you.

Sitting on the floor with boxes surrounding the both of you, you’re digging through them with a bottle of wine, some 90’s music playing in the background, it’s a nice and relaxing evening.

Your phone lights up with a text on the coffee table and you already know it’s from Harry. You haven’t stopped texting since he left from your place just a few days ago.

Harry: Do you think it’s a look for the Grammy’s?

He attached a photo of himself in all denim, looking very much like 2001 Justin Timberlake at the AMA.

Y/N: Should I match and pull a Britney?

Harry: Is that even a question?!

“Okay, who’s the girl?” Taylor asks, making you tear your eyes away from the phone’s screen.

“Huh?”

“Last time I saw you smiling like this at your phone you were talking to that girl you met at that award show. So who is it this time?”

“It’s… not a girl,” you admit, placing your phone back to the coffee table.

“Oh, did a guy finally manage to sweep you off your feet?” Taylor gives you an amused look, genuinely surprised to hear that this time it’s a guy that has you wrapped around his finger. “What is his name?”

“Harry,” you shortly answer and see her eyes widen.

“Wait, is it… Harry as in Harry Styles?”

“Yeah,” you admit with a soft chuckle.

“Oh my God, I knew I could feel some sexual tension between you two at Jeff’s office!”

“There wasn’t any, what are you talking about?”

“You didn’t see it because you were too busy trying to blow off the duet, but it was radiating from him.” She gives you a look, putting the sweater she’s been examining to the side. “So, how are things? Are you guys an item, or…?”

“We didn’t label anything, he just said he likes me and I like him too. And he… spent the night the other day.”

“Wait, what? Spent the night as in—“

“Yes, we had sex,” you confirm blushing.

“That’s like huge! The first man you’ve been with!”

“I know,” you chuckle.

“How was it?”

“Fucking amazing,” you truthfully admit with a sigh. “I didn’t think it could be this good with a guy. Maybe it’s just because it was with him.”

“He surely looks like a guy that takes good care of his girl. So what’s gonna happen? Are you guys together?”

“I don’t know. He doesn’t seem to care about names and labels, he just likes to do whatever he wants and if I’m being honest it’s kind of refreshing. We are just… enjoying whatever we have.”

“That sounds very liberal,” Taylor chuckles. “But I’m happy for you. You’ve been alone for way too long, I think he might do good to you.”

“I really hope,” you nod with a sigh.

“How is the song writing going?”

“We’re finishing up recording on Sunday. I’ll send it to you when it’s done and we can start all the paperwork and everything.”

“Amazing, you are doing great, Y/N, I’m proud of you,” she smiles and climbing over she wraps you in a tight hug.

“Thanks, Tay,” you smile at her. “Alright, now do you want these lace socks or should I burn them?” you ask holding up a whole pack of them, making her laugh.

Harry said it’s just a chill get together, nothing fancy so you decide to wear a khaki maxi skirt with a shirt tucked into it that was a gift from a fan, your first album’s name embroidered to the front. It’s one of your favorite pieces and you like wearing things your fans make you, gives the whole fit a plus.

Arriving to Harry’s place you spot that there are a few cars already parking on the driveway. You leave your overnight bag in the trunk, grab the bottle of wine you’ve brought and head inside. Unlike every time you’ve been here, the silence is now switched up with soft music and chatters, quite a few people lingering around the house already.

Just as you walk farther inside, Harry appears on the stairs and his face lights up at the sight of you.

“Hey! Did you just arrive?” He jogs down the rest of the stairs and walking up to you he pulls you close for a quick kiss without hesitation.

“Yeah. I know you said not to bring anything, but I hate coming to parties empty handed,” you chuckle softly, holding the wine bottle up.

“Thanks. Have you eaten? Jeff is grilling outside, but help yourself with anything.”

“I’ll be fine, thanks.”

“Sarah and Mitch are already here, but come on, let me introduce you to a few people.”

Harry takes your hand, lacing your fingers together with his. He drops the wine off in the kitchen before joining all the other guests. It’s really not that many people, just about thirty of his close circle. Musicians, people he has worked with and stayed close with, people he has known for long. Everyone seems welcoming and open, many already know who you are and it’s always a good conversation start, so there are not many awkward silences, especially because Harry is always near you, making sure you feel comfortable around his friends and it means a lot to you.

“Hey, everything alright?” Harry asks, when he finds you in the kitchen, refilling your glass. He walks up to you, placing a hand to your waist as he kisses into your hair.

“Yeah, your friends are nice,” you smile at him.

“I know, that’s why they are my friends,” he smirks, so full of himself. “Want to hear something interesting?”

“Always.”

“I was talking to Adam and our song came up and then out of nowhere I referred to you as my girlfriend.”

Seemingly he is testing the waters, trying to see how you react to the title, even a little afraid of what you might say, but it doesn’t scare you.

“Yeah? That’s interesting indeed.”

“Are you okay with it? I wasn’t really thinking about it, just slipped out.”

“It’s fine,” you smile at him softly.

“You don’t have to call me your boyfriend, call me whatever you want. It’s just a habit of mine, I guess,” he explains, popping some nuts into his mouth from the little jar on the counter.

“Alright,” you nod. Harry stares back at you for a moment before a smile stretches across his face and leaning down he kisses you shortly before taking your hand and walking back to the living room with you.

The last guests leave around midnight. After bringing your bag up to his bedroom you start cleaning up while Harry walks out the last couple leaving. You start loading the washer and put away things you’ve cleaned before.

“Oh, thank you for cleaning, but you don’t have to. I can take care of it later.”

“It’s nothing, I want to make myself useful,” you chuckle softly as you start the washer. Harry comes up behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist as he kisses into your neck.

“I have other ideas for that,” he murmurs, his nose nudging the side of your face.

“Yeah? What kind of ideas?” you teasingly ask, closing your eyes when you feel his hand slide under the waist of your skirt, moving down your abdomen until it reaches your core.

“Fun kinds,” he chuckles lowly. His other hand turns your head so his lips could meet yours, you’re still pressed up against him, melting against his chest with your back just right, like you’re two puzzle pieces.

“Fuck,” you breathe out when his fingers wander into your underwear and they start doing their magic. “Harry!” you whine, reacting intensely to his actions.

“I fucking love hearing my name from your pretty mouth,” he growls, kissing you hard before his lips part from yours and he starts bunching up your skirt.

You don’t protest, in fact, you lean forward, grabbing onto the edge of the counter as he pulls down your panties and you hear the zipper of his pants. Glancing over your shoulders you see him pull out a condom from his pocket and you can’t push down a laughter.

“Did you keep that in your pocket all evening?”

“Wanted to be ready when I finally got you all for myself,” he smirks, pulling his cock out of his boxer briefs, rolling on the condom.

His hands come in contact with your hips and ass cheeks, giving them a light squeeze before you feel him lining himself up with you. His palm slides up your back as he pushes into you, both of you moaning at the fulfilling sensation.

“Fuck, baby, you feel so good,” he breathes out as he pushes all the way inside before starting to pull out.

“Go hard, Harry. Please!” you whimper as he starts thrusting into you. Harry lets out a growl and slams into you, making you gasp at the harshness of the movement, but that’s exactly what you wanted.

The kitchen is filled with the noises coming from the washer next to you and the slapping noise of Harry’s hips meeting your ass with every forceful thrust he makes. His ring clad fingers dig into your hips, probably already making them red, but you couldn’t care less. You hold onto the edge of the counter, but then you move one hand to cover his on you, needing to touch him in some kind of way.

Leaning forward Harry kisses your back between your shoulder blades through the thin material of your shirt and you moan his name when he hits the perfect spot inside you.

“Shit, Harry! I’m g-gonna cum!” you gasp, perking your ass up more so he can go as deep as possible.

“Let go for me, baby. Come on!”

“I want to cum with you.”

“Yeah? Then hold on for a little longer, I’m almost there.”

You try your best to keep everything inside you under control, your orgasm is really on the edge and you can only hope he is nearing his end too.

“Harry! Please!”

“Fuck, okay, okay, cum for me! Let me feel you!” he moans and his words bring you the release.

You clench around him, moaning and whimpering and it finally pushes you into his bliss too. His thrusts slow down but they are hard and go deep, helping you ride the last bits of your high.

He pulls out and gets rid of the condom before wrapping his arms around you, pulling you up from your position so he can kiss your lips.

“How about we take a shower while the washer finishes?” he suggests, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Mm, good idea.”

Once the song is fully finished you submit it to your label after an agreement that it should come out through yours, but it wouldn’t be tied to your or Harry’s upcoming album. Everyone seems to love it, Taylor is over the moon when you show her the final version and Jeff is just as happy about it. Having only three more weeks left until the Grammy’s, you send them your request to perform the duet instead of the medley they asked. Their answer comes the next day and they are more than happy to have you premiere your new duet at the show. Everything seems to be on track.

Following a rehearsal for the Grammy performance, you’re staying over at Harry’s, just eating takeout and having a lazy evening after a whole day of working. You’ve put on a new Netflix movie, but every time you look at Harry you feel like his mind is somewhere far away.

“Want to share what’s on your mind?” you ask softly, not wanting to be pushy, you’re just trying to be there for him.

“I’ve just been thinking.”

“About what?” He looks up at you, clearly hesitant whether he should share it with you or not.

“About what you said about your parents.”

“Oh,” is all you can say. Pausing the movie you turn all your attention to him. “What about it?”

“I was just talking to my mom the other day, she is coming here for the Grammy’s and I thought about how you… won’t have your parents there with you.”

“There’s a reason for that.”

“Yeah, but then I thought about how you said you haven’t even let them contact you since then and that maybe they’ve changed their mind about the whole situation. You’ve clearly proved them wrong with building yourself a career, maybe they can now see that what they did was wrong.”

You remain silent, chewing on his words. You’ve been great at not thinking about your parents these past years, it feels weird to have a conversation about them out of nowhere. Harry takes your silence as a warning sign, though that’s not the case.

“You know what? I’m sorry for bringing it up. It’s not really my business, I shouldn’t have brought it up, sorry,” he shakes his head.

“What… would you do if you were in my place?”

Harry looks at you, surprised you are willing to continue the conversation. His hand finds your thigh and he gives it a gentle squeeze.

“I think it might worth a shot to just… contact them. See if they want to maybe get in touch again.”

“And what if they don’t?”

“Then… you know you made the right decision leaving. I know it’s scary, but I think you should take a chance.”

“I’ll… think about it,” you nod shortly.

“Take your time, do whatever you feel comfortable with.” He pulls you into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as you get comfortable in his embrace before starting the movie again.

Two weeks before the show you are headed to a fitting with Harry, your matching sets are nearly done, but they needed you to try them on and make sure they fit just perfectly. True to your and Harry’s extravagant fashion, this performance won’t lack any over the top fits either. It was clear from the beginning that you would be matching, but you made it clear that you want to bring it to the level where you’d be wearing the exact same outfit, so now there are two sets of suits in the making, the pattern of the whole two piece is recalling a kind of space vibe, blues, purples and black meeting in the colors with hundreds of embroidered stars and planets littering the fabric with additional crystal stars to make it even more extra. It’s truly one of a kind, especially paired with the sheer, tulle shirt you both will be wearing underneath.

“We look fucking great, babe,” Harry smirks as the two of you stand next to each other, examining yourself in the floor-to-ceiling mirror on the small podium.

“We really do,” you smirk, satisfied with how the performance is coming together. It’s gonna be the perfect way to celebrate both your first Grammy nominations, a huge milestone in your and Harry’s career as well.

Grabbing his phone he quickly takes a picture in the mirror of the two of you, pulling you to his side as you smile into the camera through the mirror. Then you leave him alone on the podium as they are pinning his pants to make it the perfect size. Stepping to your bag you fish your phone out and reading just the first few words of Taylor’s last message she sent about ten minutes ago, you feel all blood rushing out of your face. Tapping on the notification you start reading.

Taylor: Please don’t lose your head, but we are dealing with this.

She attached several articles and you start digging through them.

“Is Harry Styles dating his new duet partner?”

“Harry Styles cozied up with Y/N Y/L/N at dinner with friends.”

“Can we expect some hot make out sessions at the Grammy’s from Harry and his new beau?”

And then there’s the absolute worst.

“Is Y/N Y/L/N going to take Harry Styles to court too?”

“Shit, shit, shit,” you mumble under your breath, vigorously typing back to Taylor to take them down. Two pictures have been leaked from the time you had dinner with Sarah and Mitch, it’s so odd because it’s been weeks since then, where were these pictures all along? Not that it matters, all you want is for them to be gone.

Against your better judgment, you go online and check your social media even though you know you shouldn’t snoop around now that it’s out there. No surprise, you and Harry are trending, but the reactions are very much mixed.

The impact of your case with Jordan is still major. It doesn’t matter that you won, people are still questioning whether he said the truth or not and now they are afraid you might drag Harry down just like you did with Jordan. That you are just trying to use his fame to get more attention and then ruin his career, making a victim out of yourself again, because apparently that’s what you’ve been doing.

You’re not only being dragged, but all of a sudden, nothing is about the music and the art you are making, people just want to know if you’re fucking Harry Styles or not. A lot of the times you’re not even named, only referred to Harry’s new lover or what’s worse, his hookup. You’ve lost all the credit you worked so hard for and for what? Because you dared to have dinner with a man?

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Harry asks walking up to you. Your eyes snap up at him and he immediately sees the shock and anger in them, setting panic in him as well. “What is it?”

“The fucking… pictures,” you hiss handing him your phone so he can see the articles for himself. He scrolls through them with furrowed eyebrows, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip before handing the phone back once he has gotten to the end of it.

“Let’s finish this up and head home, okay? We’ll figure it all out.” He presses a kiss to your forehead and you nod, trying your best to keep your anger at bay while the designers finish up on the outfits.

An hour later you walk into your place, talking on the phone with Taylor, discussing the situation though there’s not much you can do at this point. It’s all out, the pictures can’t be taken down. She suggests to just keep quiet for now, she’ll call Jeff to see what could be done as damage control.

Throwing your phone to the bed you feel your whole body shaking from the anger, it’s agonizing to know there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine. We’ll figure it out,” Harry speaks up, trying his best to calm you down, but it’s not really working this time.

“Stop saying it, you don’t know that for sure. I can’t believe this bullshit is happening all over again,” you breathe out shaking your head.

“Again?”

“Yes! I’m being fucking dragged for something I shouldn’t be.”

“People will always have controversial opinion on everything, you can’t get them all to like you.”

“It’s not about liking, Harry!” you snap. “I couldn’t give a damn about people liking me, but they discredit my work. Have you read those articles? I’m seen with a man and suddenly, I’m not even seen as an artist anymore. I’m not even my own person in some of them, just a girl who is linked to you. How is that fair?” “It’s not, but stressing yourself about it until you’re sick is not gonna help anything,” he retorts in a firm voice.

“So I should just sit around and so nothing while watching all my work go to shit?”

“Nothing is going to shit! This is how it goes, there’s always something people talk about but they will forget about it in a week. That doesn’t take anything away from what you’ve proved through your career.”

“Now that’s a lie. Because if they did forget about things in a week, they wouldn’t be bringing up the whole Jordan thing now. I dared to stand up for myself against a man and look where it took me to! I’m the drama queen, the lying bitch who likes to ruin men for apparently no reason and they see me as a threat when it comes to you too. People are talking about how I’ll take you to court as well, they think I’m just using you even though they know nothing about me! And the worst part is that it wouldn’t be like this if I weren’t a woman. Whatever happens, however we react to the situation, it will never have the same effect on your career than it will have on mine.”

“So what, you’ll just live your life without ever doing anything that’s gonna upset people? There will always be someone who’ll judge whatever you do, you can’t do anything about that and if you let them get to you now, they’ll know they can mess with you easily.”

“So I’m just supposed to ignore everything? And not do a single thing about it? It’s easy for you, you’ll walk away from this without a scratch on your name, because you are a white man who can do no wrong in the eyes of the world.”

“Okay, now you are being mean for no reason.”

“I’m telling you the truth,” you retort. “And you know what else is part of the truth? That I’m not even having it the worse. There are women who are even more targeted because of their religion, their skin color, their nationality or sexuality and people don’t even realize how hard it is for any of us. I’m sick of the injustice we have to live with just because of our gender!”

“I do acknowledge the problem on hand, I’m aware of it and I’m all for doing against it, but we are not gonna solve it instantly, it’s a long process. Sometimes we just have to pull back a little, be smart about things.”

“They will never stop about this,” you shake your head, stubbornly clinging onto your opinion. “I won’t be seen as a serious artist anymore, just some girl who was linked to you. It’s fucking done, over.”

“Y/N, what are you trying to say?” Harry asks with caution.

“Exactly what you are thinking about,” you reply with a bitter laugh. “I can’t be a respected artist if I’m with you.”

“That’s not true. It will die down, they will see that you are more than just who you’re dating and everything will be fine.”

“What’s not fair is that I have to work for it to be fine while you are still the same artist you were before it all blew up. Don’t you think it’s unfair?” you call him out and part of you knows you’re being mean and unnecessarily rude to him, but you just can’t control it any longer. You need to let it out and unfortunately, he is the one who is here to take the blame.

“It is, but what are you expecting me to do about it? Release a statement asking people to only talk about my dating life to make it equal? What can be done is that we try to fight this together, show them that you’re more than just a woman who is linked to a man in any kind of way.”

“Yeah, like realization is just gonna hit them,” you snap. “I’m at a turning point in my career, Harry. Whether I win a Grammy or not, this time is going to have an impact on my future. If I’m seen as just a girl linked to you, I’ll never make it. I’ll be forgotten and dragged again and I can kiss my career goodbye.”

You know you were way too harsh, but it’s what you think to be the truth. You didn’t fight your way to this point in life just to be seen as a man’s girlfriend rather than the artist you truly are. And right now, you can’t see yourself get out of this situation without letting go of Harry.

“Y/N, please don’t let this ruin what we have. We can get through this, you can’t let them control your life this much. Who are they to tell you what to do? That’s not the Y/N I know, come on!”

He tries to step closer, reaching out for you, but you take a step back, wanting to keep the distance between the two of you.

“I would prefer to be alone now,” you sternly say, folding your arms on your chest, closing yourself off from him as you don’t even look at him, because if you did, you know you would break.

“Y/N, please don’t do this, we—“

“Alone!” you snap, cutting him off.

He stares at you, hoping you might change your mind, but you’re quite set on this. He knows you well enough to know you won’t budge anytime soon. He lets out a shaky breath and slowly turning around, he heads towards the door as you’re already fighting your tears back. He stops right before he is about to walk out.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N,” he quietly says before walking out, the door shutting closed behind him.

The sobs start immediately and you fall to the ground, tears soaking your cheeks, already missing him more than anything in your life. You really thought it would be different this time, that things might get better, but you were naïve.

The next two days go by in a blur. The whole fucking internet is filled with those damn pictures of you and Harry, nothing has been about any of your Grammy nominations or even about your music, you’ve officially became the woman Harry Styles is dating.

Harry was titled as a Grammy nominee in every goddamn writing that surfaced, he was completely credited for his work while you could be happy if your name was written correctly. With every new article, your faith in having the career you worked so hard for lessened until you felt hopeless. You’ve officially became a dumb celebrity, just a woman who was known to be dating a man in the industry.

On the evening of the second day you have enough. You just read yet another degrading piece of you that was clearly written by a man, they once again talked about your case with Jordan, joking about history repeating itself and you swear you could scream and throw a tantrum like a baby at how useless and helpless you feel.

You put your laptop to the side and reach for your phone, dialing Taylor’s number.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” she asks right away, knowing well how hard these past days have been. She came over the evening you sent Harry away and tried to comfort you, but nothing could help you that night.

“Hey, I want to ask you to do something and not try to talk me out of it.”

“Oh God…” she sighs, already knowing you’re about to do something stupid according to her.

“I don’t want to perform at the Grammy’s.”

“What? With all due respect, are you fucking stupid?”

“I’m not stupid. But I don’t want to do it.”

“Well, this has got to be the most ridiculous move you’ve ever tried to pull. Why do you want to throw such a huge thing away?”

“I can’t… sing that song with Harry. If I stand on the stage and sing with him… I just can’t do it, Tay.”

“Of course you can! Suck it up! I know you miss him and it fucking sucks what’s happening, but you have to do it!” she tries to convince you, but you’ve already made your mind up.

“No. I’m not doing it. Please let them know that it’s going to be just Harry performing.”

And with that, you end the call.

Taylor knows better than to try to fight you, she doesn’t call back though you know she wants to murder you right now probably, but she’ll come around, she always does. You make yourself a tea hoping to relax your nerves with it though you know nothing can help you now. You wish you had someone to rely on, someone you could talk to right now, but usually Taylor is that person to you and lately Harry has been your support, but you can’t call either of them. The rest of the people you consider friends… they are just not that close to you. You’re left alone, again.

As your gaze wanders over to your phone, a thought pops up in your mind that makes your hands sweat. You think back to the conversation you had with Harry about your parents and you can’t shake the urge off to finally make that call.

“Fuck it,” you breathe out and grab the device, opening up the contacts until you find what you’ve been looking for. Your thumb hovers above the call button for a while before you finally tap on it and start the call. It rings four times before a voice speaks up on the other end.

“Halo?”

“Hi mom,” you reply and hear a gasp from her at your voice.

There’s less than a week left until the Grammy’s. For your own sake, you haven’t been online outside of answering work emails, you just can’t deal with the shit show your life has become on the internet.

You haven’t left your home unless you really needed to go somewhere, did most of your meetings over the phone or videochat and postponed a fitting as well. You’ve officially caved yourself up in your apartment and you are not planning on leaving anytime soon.

Taylor keys herself in, she hasn’t even mentioned that she might drop by, but you’re not surprised. She is probably here to try to bring you out of this pity party you’ve been holding for days. When she sees you lying on the couch in sweats and messy, unwashed hair, she sighs, shaking her head.

“You really need to pull your shit together, Y/N.”

“I’m fine,” you mumble, pulling your fuzzy blanket up to your chin.

“No, you’re not. This is not the bad bitch I know.”

“Bad bitches have bad days too.”

“This is not a bad day, you look like a fucking zombie. This is not what a Grammy nominee should look like days before the big show.”

“Doesn’t matter, it’s not like I’m performing or anything,” you shrug, but the look in Taylor’s eyes make yours go wide. “Taylor, I’m not performing, you informed them about it, right?”

“This is why I’m here,” she sighs walking closer, sitting on the other end of the couch. “I never cancelled on your performance.”

“I told you I’m not doing it!” “I know, but I was hoping you might come around. But you seem to be still acting like a stupid bitch, so that didn’t happen. However, I’ve gotten an interesting email today.”

She pulls out her phone and opens the email before handing it over to you. Shooting her an unhappy look you start reading.

-

Hi Taylor!

I got your email address from Jeff, wanted to write to you myself. I’ve officially pulled out of the Grammy performance so it’s going to be only Y/N in it. We are also working on a statement to release over the whole ordeal and my lawyers have been after the bigger gossip sites to get the articles down. I want Y/N to have the Grammy experience she deserves and I know it can’t happen with me in the performance. Tell her that I’m sorry for ruining it for her, she deserves so much more. I’m sorry she was brought into this.

I hope to see you soon, take care!

Harry

-

With parted lips, you look up at Taylor who is smiling softly at you.

“He… pulled out for me.”

“He did. Talked to Jeff on the phone, they have already let them know Harry wouldn’t be performing, they will make it official tomorrow.”

“But he deserves this just as much as I do. He is a nominee too.”

“Well, seems like he values you more than his own success.” Taylor lets out a long sigh and scooting closer she places a hand to your knee. “Look, I know you’re upset about how the media treats you just because you were seen out with Harry, and I know that you’re afraid of getting labeled as just the girl he dates and not get taken seriously as an artist, but you can’t let them stop you from living your life how you want to. There will always be judgment, there will always be men who are worse than trash and want to bring you down, but you are stronger than that. Pushing Harry away and being alone for the rest of your life is not a solution. What you can do to put them to their place is give them a big fuck you, date the hottest man in the industry and continue being the bad bitch that you are, fighting against the way you are being treated. Speak up, show them who they are dealing with, share your truth, like you always do! But you can do all of this with Harry by your side. You deserve to be happy and he makes you happy, don’t make yourself miserable because we live in a world where men are still placed above women. Fight for the change but don’t forget to think about yourself as well in the process.”

You feel the tears sting in your eyes. The weight of this past week is just way too heavy to carry, but Taylor is right and you are realizing that you’ve made it harder for yourself. The sobs come before you could stop yourself and Taylor pulls you into a hug.

“I know, I know. It fucking sucks, but you can’t let them win,” she soothes, running her hands up and down your back. “Show them how big of a bad bitch you are and get the man too.”

“You think Harry still wants to be with me?”

“I think that man would be on his knees for you in a heartbeat if you asked,” she chuckles pulling back. “Statement about the performance will be released tomorrow. That’s how long you have to figure it out,” she tells you with a knowing look before leaving you alone with your thoughts, however you don’t have to think long what you have to do.

You have not been the only one these past days took a toll on. The fight the two of you had left Harry completely drained, angry and helpless. He hated that he was the reason you weren’t credited as the talented artist that you are and he couldn’t stop thinking about ways to make it better. That’s when he came up with the idea of pulling out of the performance.

Now he is ready to spend the remaining days until the award show hidden from the world, not even leaving the house. Everyone close to him knows he is better not to be disturbed now, so he is quite surprised when the security system lets him know that someone has arrived.

As you drive up to his house you spot him immediately, stepping out the front door with a shocked look on his face, probably expecting you to be the last person to be there at the moment. You wipe your sweaty palms against your thighs as you walk up to him, feeling anxious to see him and talk to him, especially after the last conversation you had.

“Hey, I’m sorry for coming here without calling or anything…” you shyly start, stopping in front of you.

“Don’t be silly. Come… Come on in,” he clears his throat inviting you inside.

You’ve walked through this front door so many times in the past almost two months, but this is the first time you feel so odd, standing out, like you have no place in here and it’s all thanks to yourself.

“Do you want something to drink? Are you hungry?” Harry walks past you but then turns to face you, talking to you with such warmth and kindness, even after how you acted, putting blame on him for something he has no control over. It completely breaks you and can’t stop your eyes from watering as you look at him. You really hoped you’ve run out of tears in the past days, but it seems like that’s not the case at all.

“Harry, I’m so sorry,” you breathe out shakily and you step closer to each other at the same time, he envelopes you in his strong arms and you fist his shirt at his chest. “I know it was none of your fault, I just got so desperate and afraid that it might ruin what I worked so hard for.”

“I know. And you were right about everything. Everything you said was true and I’m sorry you have to deal with it.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t right to be mad at you just because you have different privileges, it’s not like you can change who you are. So I’m really sorry about that, and also for pushing you away when you were just trying to be there for me. I was so stupid,” you breathe out, wiping the tears sliding your cheeks down away.

“You just panicked, it’s okay. Don’t apologize for wanting to protect yourself.”

Resting your forehead against his shoulder you wait for your sobs to die down before you look back up at him. Reaching up he tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, smiling down at you warmly and that smile alone ensures you that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, with the right person.

“Taylor showed me the email you sent her,” you bring it up, clearing your throat.

“You deserve it all to yourself so people can see how amazing of an artist you are.”

“I’m not doing it without you,” you shake your head stubbornly. “We wrote the song together and we’re gonna perform it together or else I’m not doing it either.”

“Y/N, you know if we step on that stage together they are gonna twist the whole thing and make it about something else. I want you to have this opportunity for your career without me ruining it with just my presence.”

“Fuck them, if they take it as something it’s not. They are not gonna take the chance away from us to perform our song. If they are such fucking dumbasses that they make it all about what’s between us, that’s their own personal problem. If I need to, I’ll go on a Twitter rant and tell them this myself. I want you on stage with me or else I’m not doing it either.”

Harry breathes out through his nose, pressing his lips together as he stares back at you, probably realizing you are dead serious about pulling out of the performance and he is right. He doesn’t even know you were the first one to cancel on it, you’d do it again without hesitation.

“I guess we are performing then,” he cracks a small smile and throwing your arms around his neck you pull him down, lips smashing against his, the kiss mingling with giggles and smiles.

Harry wraps his arms tight around your waist, pulling you up from the ground as he spins you around, making you squeal as you hold onto him.

“I have to call Jeff to call the Grammy’s not to post the statement,” he hums against your lips and he pecks them a few more times before letting go of you to quickly make a call to his manager.

You move over to the couch in his living room as he talks to Jeff, who is luckily very understanding about the sudden change. Hugging your knees to your chest you watch him pace the floor, exchanging a few more words with the man on the phone before ending the call, his gaze dropping to you again. Sitting beside you, he kisses your temple, dropping an arm around your shoulders as you lean against him, head resting on his chest.

“I called my mom,” you drop the bomb suddenly and you can feel him tense up for a moment, probably shocked by your words.

“You did?”

“Yeah.” Lifting your head your gaze meets his as you carry on. “She was… very shocked to hear my voice.”

“I bet,” he hums. “What did you talk about?”

“I just… asked how they are doing and told her that I’ve been thinking a lot about them. She sounded genuinely touched by it and said I’m always welcomed for dinner or lunch if I’d like to see them.”

“That’s amazing! See, I told you they would love to hear from you!”

“Yeah,” you smile at him softly. “I think I want to go over sometime after the Grammy’s.”

“I’m sure it’s going to go well.”

“Would you please come with me?”

Your question catches him off-guard he seems surprised that you would want him there, but then his expression softens as he leans down and kisses your forehead.

“I would love to, if you want me there.”

“I do,” you nod.

“Then it’s settled,” he smiles warmly as you lay your head back to his chest, his fingers gently dancing up and down your arm and for once in your life you finally feel settled, like everything is going to be fine.

Highlights of the 63rd Annual Grammy Awards: Y/N Y/L/N blows up stage with new hit duet

The killer duo surprised us all with a brand new duet titled Floating Through Space, performed it together on their big night. Wearing matching galaxy themed suits, Y/L/N and Styles have closed off the evening with probably the most success, the latter winning two out of his three nominations, receiving the award for Best Music Video and Best Pop Vocal Album with his latest album, Fine Line, while Y/L/N was titled best new artist, becoming a Grammy winner early in her career.

Tabloids blew up earlier this month when the two singers were photographed cozied up at dinner with friends, speculations started about their possible romance, but Y/L/N has made a clear statement on the question with her red carpet appearance before the award show. Wearing a head to toe black Gucci gown paired with a dramatic cape, the message “I’M AN ARTIST, ASK ME ABOUT MY ART” painted onto it in red, making a bold statement about her opinion on the way the media has been treating the star.

Both singers remained silent on their alleged romance, but proved to be the best of their time with their joined performance with their new emotional duet. Following the song’s debut on stage it was released to the public as a single right away, taking over all charts with its overwhelming success.

Listen to Floating Through Space now on Spotify and Apple Music!

Your knuckles are turning white from the tight grip on the steering wheel as you stare up at the home you grew up in. It looks almost the same, sometime through the years you haven’t been around your parents have painted it a light blue color from the paste yellow, but it’s still… the same.

“Hey.”

Turning to your right you look at Harry who is smiling at you warmly as his hand reaches over and squeezes your knee gently.

“It’s going to be fine. I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you, you’re still their daughter.”

“That’s not what they told me the last time I was here,” you whisper, feeling your throat closing up.

“We all say things in the heat of the moment. Seeing how happy they were about this lunch proves that they regret what happened.”

Nodding you take a deep breath to get ready for whatever is going to happen. Leaning over the console you pull Harry in for a kiss and it calms your nerves a little. Getting out of the car he takes your hand and squeezes it to let you know he’ll be right by your side all along. As you walk up to the front porch a sense of strong nostalgia washes over you.

You didn’t have a bad childhood, your parents provided you so much growing up, it’s sad to think what it has become. In a way you feel more anxious than walking the red carpet a week ago for the Grammys even though you’re just meeting your parents, but this is a turning point in your life that needed to come sooner or later.

“I’m right here, baby. It’s going to be fine,” Harry murmurs, kissing your forehead before you ring the doorbell, feeling weird that you come here as a guest, not as someone who belongs here.

You hear footsteps approaching on the other side, two frames appear through the clouded glass of the front door and then it flies open, pushing all air out of your lungs, clinging tightly onto Harry’s hand. There’s a moment of silence and just staring at each other before the tiniest smile tugs on your lips.

“Hi mom, hi dad.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[pinoy-culture]

before I ask my question, I just wanted to say thank you so so so much for keeping up your blog and consistently giving out information where its readily accessible!!!

maybe this will make me sound like an idiot but to preface, I’m a mixed filipino american. My mom is filipino and some chinese and my dad is some sort of european and puerto rican. i was wondering, in your opinion, do you think it’d be okay for me (eventually) work with diwata and anitos? And how can I start? Ive been trying to communicate with my ancestors and I’ve been looking for books to one day buy (im extremely broke so your blog and any filipino witches i come across is all the info i can get) but i honestly have no clue where to start other than with my ancestors (weird dreams lately but nothing ancestor related i think). i took a DNA test as a gift and it pointed, predominantly, to the Western Visayas so im assuming i should study more on pre-colonial Bisayan culture (my lolas from iloilo so it makes sense i guess) but i also know that “blood quantum” is a colonizer concept so i dont wanna rely on it too much :/ sorry to ramble but pls help lol

First, I'd like to say thank you for following the blog! It really does mean a lot to me to hear from others over the years on how much my blogs have helped them learn about our history and culture.

Now as for working with our diwata and the anito, that is completely ok. The whole blood quantum thing among some Filipinos I honestly don't agree with. As long as you have a family member who is Filipino, you are Filipino regardless of your "percentage" and of how you look. If you have Filipino blood in you, the ancestors are there with you. Even if you weren't raised within Filipino culture or a Filipino household because your parents never brought you up in it, or you are an adoptee like some I've met over the years. Your ancestors are your ancestors regardless. They see you and know you and that is all that matters.

Now there really isn't any book focused specifically on reviving our precolonial beliefs and practices. Yes, some did survive and some even blended in with a form of Folk Christianity in the Philippines. You can see many of the older practices and beliefs still alive, but they have been replaced with Catholic imagery and Saints.

But, in regards actually believing in and worshiping our old deities, doing rituals dedicated to the deity, or even some rites of passage like the Tagalog first menstruation rite of passage, or making carved figures dedicated to the diwata and anito, or performing maganito/paganito or atang to the diwata and anito, majority of Filipinos don't do this, or even know it.

So for being an Anito Reconstructionist, which is a label I personally use for my spiritual beliefs and others have adopted, there really isn't a book for it. A Reconstructionist in other ethnic spiritual paths, such as the Celtic, Roman, Aztec, Kemetic, Greek, Norse, etc., are those who look at historical records to try and piece together what was once practiced and believed in prior to Christianity. Over many years, these different spiritual paths have eventually come together, formed a community, and have resources like books and teachers. They have had the time to do all the research and put together a more formal spirituality based on those Pre-Christian beliefs and bringing it to the modern day where they have hundreds to thousands of people who have gone back to those beliefs. With some, they have even created temples, shrines to their deities, and even have celebrations.

Unfortunately that is not the case for us. However, due to the growing interest in our precolonial beliefs and practices over the years, I can see Anito Reconstructionism growing within the next several years. It already has, with many people actually trying to learn more about these beliefs and our old deities. The amount of people of people I've seen and talked to who have expressed their interest to reclaim these precolonial beliefs and practices is nothing compared to 10 years ago when it was hard to even find one or two people who did.

It is why I've been writing this book for a few years now dedicated to helping others in wanting to reclaim our precolonial beliefs and practices as a starting point in their research. For now though, I always recommend those who are starting to simply just read the historical texts. Grab a notebook and write down notes. Organize your notes into deities, rituals, how to make an offering, any prayers to a specific deity, how to set up an altar, etc.

Seeing as your family is from the island of Panay in the Western Bisayas, like my moms side are from, I would start with looking at the Bisayan precolonial beliefs and practices. A really good reference is reading Francisco Alcina's History of the Bisayans (1668). Volume 3 is available online in English which you can find here. Volume 3 goes into a lot of detail in the beliefs and practices. The Boxer Codex, if you are able to get a copy of the English translation, is also really good reading material.

Getting Started:

In terms of getting started, keep in mind that there is no one monolithic belief system or practice in the Philippines. Before there ever was a Philippines, we were different nations with different beliefs and practices. It is important to know your ethnic groups beliefs and practices and know their history. For example, I am Bisaya (Akeanon specifically) and Tagalog and that is what I work with. Others who I know follow the Bikolano, Kapampangan, or Ilokano beliefs. Though there are some similarities, each ethnic group had their own set beliefs and practices.

I often tell people that you can't just mix and match between them. For example, though I work with both the Tagalog and Bisayan pantheons, I wouldn't dare do a ritual offering to both a Tagalog or Bisayan deity at the same time. It's always separate. You also can't combine 2 similar deities together from different ethnic groups just because they share similar attributes. It's just rude and disrespectful.

Start out small. Set up an altar dedicated to your ancestors. If you have any family members who have passed, put a photo of them on the altar. Leave offerings of rice cakes such as suman, food like chicken adobo, or even a cup of drink such as tuba, lambanog, or even Red Horse beer. But if you can't get access to an alcoholic drink either because one you are a minor or 2 it's not available where you live, you can simply replace it with a non-alcoholic drinks like coconut juice. Get a coconut shell or a seashell to either place these offerings as bowls/plates or even use them to put your kamangyan or incense.

Then start researching how our Bisayan ancestors worshiped and practiced. Study the history and read historical accounts, books, and articles about them. Write down what you have learned on these precolonial beliefs and practices and reconstruct or revive them. This is what Polytheistic Recinstructionists do. I have listed links to these texts here.

Ask questions to your family, particularly your elders. See if they know of anything or if they can share some traditional practices and beliefs they know of have heard of. You would be surprised how, despite some families being really religious, many still believe in the spirits, do some form of ancestor veneration, believe in omens that are being told to you by the ancestors or spirits, etc.

If you can, try to go back to the Philippines and see your family's ancestral home, see where they grew up, etc. Ask about family stories and folk stories. For example, my mom grew up in Aklan and has always told me stories of the aswang and certain omens. She also constantly talks about the mischievous "little people" who play tricks on you (for example putting something down like your keys and then it goes missing, until you find it again somewhere else). In the Western Bisayas, they are known as kama-kama. There is also a story of how her grandmother's cat visited her during her wake. The cat was missing for years, but it came back and stayed sleeping on top of the casket for days before it left. My mom told me that it was the cat paying their respects to her grandmother.

Keep in mind also and acknowledge our indigenous communities who have kept their beliefs and practices. Don't try to take them into your own. I have seen people cherry pick things from the Manobo of Mindanao or the Kalinga in the Cordillera, which is just disrespectful. Many of the IP, though some still have kept their beliefs, it isn't the most important aspect to them. What they are most concerned about are other issues such as losing their homes due to occupation by oil or logging companies, other settlers such as the Tagalog and Bisayans (especially in Mindanao), getting targeted as "rebels" by the Philippine military and often getting killed. But, by cherry picking beliefs especially of the IP groups, it's just disrespectful.

I will be teaching classes on Anito Reconstructionism soon and will have my first class possibly at the end of the month or next month. I decided to do these classes seeing as there is a growing community who are interested, but don't know where to start. I'll be doing a proper announcement on these classes real soon so look out for the announcement and hopefully you will be able to join!

[mensobrush]

its like almost 12 am where im at but fuck it imma ask; if you don't mind do you have any show/book/series recs? most specifically art related bc whelp im just someone wanting to draw and your style is really clean and i lowkey kinda want to diversify my art so uh.

yeh.

Oh BOY have I got a list for you my friend

SHOWS: I'm not too sure about shows that would teach you art necessarily, but i know of a few that are ABOUT art and artists (forgive me because most of these are all anime lol):

1. Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! - super cute anime about three high school girls working together to create an animated short film, there's a concept artist, animator, and manager and they have such distinct personalities! Highly recommend for anyone wanting to go into those fields 2. Blue Period - manga and upcoming anime about high school students trying to get into Japan's best fine art colleges. Lots of deep shit about what being an artist is about and delves into struggles like impostor syndrome and shit. Had to stop reading the manga because it hit too close to home and gave me nam flashbacks

3. Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki Kun - definitely less on the art side and more of a shoujo between a mangaka and his assistant - super cute

The next few are shows that aren't about art, but have distinct/outstanding art, animation, or cinematography and i highly recommend them for artists to watch:

4. Ping Pong the Animation - probably the most distinctive anime in terms of art style, definitely worth taking a look at!

5. Mob Psycho - highly mainstream but the animation for that anime is insane, especially for fight scenes!

6. Godless - live action western/cowboy limited series on Netflix, probably the show with the best cinematography I've ever seen

BOOKS

This I can probably give more info on! Keep in mind that most of these are geared toward concept art/illustration since that's what I mainly do, but all artists can benefit from having these:

1. Framed Ink and Framed Ink 2 by Marcos Mateu-Mestre - Books on composition, lighting, and storytelling! Must have for people interested in illustration and creating full pieces, and it goes into storyboarding as well!

2. How To Draw by Scott Robertson - THE book on perspective (disgusting, i know, but if you're a character person and you want to level up, perspective is worth learning)! It's definitely more on the advanced side, so I don't recommend it for beginners!

3. Stonehouse's Anatomy by Seok Jung Hyun - I don't personally own this one but I've heard VERY good things about it! I think it's also a pretty advanced level book, but feel free to challenge yourself if you wanna get it!

4. Bammes and Bridgman - Gottfried Bammes and George Bridgman are the people to go to when you're first wanting to get into human anatomy! They focus less on scientific latin muscle names or whatever and more on the gesture of the figure and simplifying body parts into simple shapes that are easy to put in perspective! You can get pdfs of their books for free online or buy them off amazon.

5. Any art book from games that you like - art books are literally a gift from amitabha y'all, they are so insightful into the concepting for games and some of them (coughs the Ghost of Tsushima one coughs) have ALL BANGER art in there and there's NO MISSES

The next ones are again, not necessarily art tutorial books but books with insane art in them:

6. Vagabond/anything by Takehiko Inoue - this man is a fucking god, a legend, his art is so fucking good and delicious and it never misses and he's cracked out of his mind and

SERIES

I don't really know what you mean by "series" so I'll just use this as an opportunity to highlight "series" of videos/channels that are highly helpful for artists:

1. 10 Minutes to Better Painting by Marco Bucci - Marco Bucci's videos are fucking awesome in general, but his 10 Minutes to Better Painting series condenses painting concepts into something concise and easily digestible, and they're incredibly helpful for general painting skills.

2. Proko's Anatomy Series - again, Proko is a great resource for everything art related but he specializes in anatomy and is probably the best resource for people starting out and wanting to jump into anatomy.

3. Draftsmen Podcast - Podcast by Proko and Marshall Vandruff, less direct art tutorials but more talking about artist mindsets (which is just as if no more important than practicing technique)

4. Sinix - not a series, but a channel on youtube! Sinix is great at condensing complicated shit into simple to understand, short videos! He also graduated from my college hehehe

5. Rossdraws - another alum from my school ;) I have many mixed opinions on Rossdraws, but he's pretty good for beginner artists! And his videos are fun to watch so there's that

I might add more onto this as i think of them but these are all I can think of off the top of my head! hope this helps :)

[darling-i-read-it]

The Great Red Dragon

3x08

Hannibal Lecter x reader x Will Graham 

Hannibal Re-Write Series Masterlist

Word Count: 2.9k 

Warnings: spoilers for hannibal, murder, dead bodies, blood, surgery, canniblism  

Author’s Note: I LOVE will graham and you can tell in this chapter i kinda went ham with my absolute adoration for him. Usually i try and hold back but im to sad to tonight so here is this love letter to will graham 

I used some direct quotes from the script so some things may seem familiar 

Official Episode Summary: As events jump forward three years, Jack seeks help as he pursues Francis Dolarhyde, AKA `The Tooth Fairy Killer'.

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director 

Tag List (is always open!) : @llperfectsymmetryll​ @ericacactus​ @vlightning95​ @sweetgoodangel​

(not my gif) (can you tell i love will graham. i feel like its excessive now but he is so handsome in this episode and every epsiode but this episode too) 

Alana Bloom sat on an uncomfortable chair. The divider between her and Hannibal Lecter was a thick, clear plastic. To Hannibal they were sitting together at his desk. To her, to the reality of her, he sat in his jail cell. The two of them seemed comfortable with each other once again, now that there was no way Hannibal could lay his fingers on her again. 

It was the only reason Alana agreed to stay. 

“Congratulations, Hannibal. You’re officially insane.” 

In front of Hannibal were different and various papers. A newspaper sat there, detailing a family slaughtered in Buffalo. 

“There’s no consensus in the psychiatric community what I should be termed,” he said.

“You’ve long been regarded by your peers in psychiatry as something entirely Other. For convenience, they term you a monster.” Hannibal’s eyes flickered up, away from his papers and on to her. She had cleaned herself up since they were last close. The suit she wore made her look distinguished. Her hair up in curls. Sophisticated. 

“What do you term me?” he questioned.

“I don’t. You defy categorization.” 

“Do you still prefer beer to wine?” he questioned. She pursed her lips, remembering bad memories.

“Stopped drinking beer when I found out what you were putting in mine.”

“Who,” he corrected. She gave the slightest of nods.

“Who.” She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “This means you’ll be spared the federal death sentence. They had enough to convict you dozen times over.” 

“A baker’s dozen. Lest we forget Mason Verger. You’re welcome.” 

“You’re welcome Hannibal. The needle was guaranteed. But you beat it all on an insanity plea.”

“I’m not insane.” Alana nodded. She understood that.

“You know that and I know that. A dozen or a baker’s dozen, enough people have died.” 

“You haven’t,” he pointed out simply. 

“A promise in waiting, isn’t it? A promise you intend to keep.” 

“I always keep my promises.” His lips flew into a small smile. Alana simply adjusted her spot in the seat.

-

“Get out of my chair, Frederick.” 

Chilton stood up from Alana’s chair. Since she had become the director of the asylum things had been changed. For the better. Chilton was crooked, despite his frequent placing in her chair. She walked over and sat down at her desk and reorganized the documents that Chilton had been messing with. 

“Shall we join hands in prayer of gratitude? ‘Thank you, Father, for allowing us to remove this monster, monster of monsters, from your flock. Thank you on behalf of the souls We will spare of pain.’” Chilton stood at the other side of her desk now. 

“Thank you on behalf of the monster.” She leaned back in her chair. “Was that the magisterial We?” 

“It’s our cabal, yours and mine. Hannibal Lecter will spend the rest of his life in a state institution, watching the diaper cart go by.”

“We lied. You wrote a book of lies,” she pointed out.

“Not difficult to see lies flying above my head, but it is almost impossible to shoot them down,” he pointed out. 

“You should be lucky that Y/N is a respectable woman. She should have sued you for what you insinuated between her and Hannibal,” she pointed out.

“You say that only because you couldn’t sue me for speaking the truth about you and Hannibal.” He dragged a finger along the desk. “I wasn’t invited to the wedding though.”

“You held the groom at this asylum when you ran it,” she pointed out.

“Still. I put the actual murderer in jail.” 

“I’m pretty sure they did that.” She picked up her pen. “Either way, Hannibal will shoot down your lies. He’s written a brilliant piece for The American Journal of Psychiatry.” 

“Everything he writes is always about problems he doesn’t have,” Chilton said. 

“What he’s written is going to be your problem. It’s not so much an article as it is a rebuttal.” She smiled to herself. “He has an acid pen.” 

-

Will stood out by the shed. The dogs were balancing around him, running around and barking happily. Will was bundled against the cold although you had been the person who threw all of the layers at him. The dogs kicked up the snow. He was repairing the fence out there, something to keep busy. 

He looked up the gravel driveway and a black SVU came down the track. 

He let out a sigh, caught by the cold. 

Jack Crawford came out of the car.

-

“Don’t want to talk inside?” Jack asked as Will handed him a mug of hot cider. Several stray dogs lay and mill at their feet as Will leaned against the porch railing. “Don’t want to let me inside. Come too far to let the cold stop me, Will.” 

Will pursed his lips.

“Bold of you to show up.”

“Where’s Y/N?” he questioned.

“Making dinner. She didn’t hear you coming up and was, lucky for you, unaware I was making two cups of cider.” Will was relaxed but his tone was uneven. 

“You don't want to talk about it here,” Jack said.

“I don't want to talk about it anywhere. You’ve got to talk about it, so let’s have it. Just don’t get out any pictures. There’s no point in doing that.” 

“How much do you know?” Jack questioned.

“Two families killed, in their homes, a month apart. Similar circumstances,” Will said. You and him and passed the newspaper to each other at breakfast. Looked into it. 

“Not ‘similar’. The same. You ever think about giving me a call?” 

“If I ever thought about it Y/N would divorce me on the spot. But I didn’t think about it,” he admitted.

“You know what it is,” Jack said. 

“I didn’t think about calling you because I didn’t want to. I don’t think I’d be all that useful to you, Jack. I never think about it anymore. I don’t believe I could do it now.” Will looked down at the lakeshore and Jack pulled out two pictures from his jacket pocket. He flipped them out on the table. Will looked down at them. 

“All dead. This freak seems to be in phase with the moon.” Jack tapped the photos. “Killed the Jacobis in Chicago almost four weeks ago. Full moon. Killed the Leeds family in Buffalo night before last. One day short of a lunar month. If we’re lucky we have a little over three weeks before he does it again.” 

“Will!” Your voice carried in from the home. Both men looked over. 

“Looks like your luck has run out Jack.” You opened the door to alert Will that dinner was done. Upon seeing Jack you stopped. For a moment you were wordless. You looked down at the two pictures on the table, at Will, and then back at Jack. You recognized those people from the newspapers. You took in a deep breath and held your composure.

“If you want to by any chance keep your head I would recommend picking up those pictures, putting them back in your pocket, getting off my goddamn porch and driving your car back to where you came from,” you said evenly. “And give me that cup of cider.” Jack handed it to you and you snatched it, allowing it to spill on your hand without a reaction. “We need Will’s help. More of these families are going to die,” Jack said.

“I’m not going to let this happen again. I let it happen once.” 

“You would sacrifice families lives for the miniscule chance one person gets a little hurt?” You stepped forward to him but Will lifted his hand. You stopped but you were still pretty close. 

“If that one person is Will then yes. He’s saved enough lives.”

“He isn’t going anywhere,” Will said. You looked up at him and stepped back. 

“Dinner is done,” you said and turned back into the house. Jack and Will shared a look.

“So,” Will started, pushing himself off of the balcony railing. “Joining us for dinner?” 

-

You sat beside Will who was at the head of the table. Jack observed the house. It looked simplistic, comforting. On the small shelf by the table were picture frames. Each one of both of you. One when you were fishing, a small fish in front of your face as you laughed. One of Will by the fireplace in the Baltimore house. A couple from the wedding of the two of you looking happier than Jack had ever seen. 

Jack had been at the wedding. Will invited him discreetly and because you were so distracted by your own happiness you couldn’t fight. You looked amazing. It had been a long time coming that day and when it did come everyone celebrated. There were even pictures of you, Margot and Alana on that day, cheering to a new beginning. 

“People dump small dogs here all the time. I can give away the cute ones, rest, stay around and get to be big ones,” you muttered, petting the dog at your feet. 

“You’ve always been a sucker for strays,” Will said.

“You’re not fooling anyone Will.” You stabbed at the plate and took a bite. Will placed a hand on your thigh and kept it there. You put your hand on top of his destreetly. 

“Got a nice life here,” Jack said. 

“I’m lucky here. I know that,” Will said. 

“Surprised there aren’t any kids yet. Bella and I wanted them but with my job we could never fit it in.” The mention of Bella would make you sympathize with him and he knew that. Despite having calmed down a bit you still held up a good face. 

“We have a lot of dogs although I can’t say we haven't been trying,” Will said. His face flushed a bit but you were so mad still you couldn’t even be flustered. Will knew there were some things you needed to say to Jack that you couldn't’ say in front of him. “I’m going to take the dogs out to pee.” He tapped your thigh once more before letting his hand leave as he stood up from the dinner table. You nodded numbly as he left, watching him go.

Your gaze went back to Jack. 

“When you came into his classroom that day I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt but you failed me Jack. Countless times, you failed me.” 

“You left me there to die In Florence.” You smiled. 

“A fond memory.” You placed your fork down carefully. “You’re going to take him no matter how much I want to kill you for it.” 

“I have to. I’ll make it as easy on him as I can. He’s changed. It’s great you got married.” You nodded.

“He’s better and better. He doesn’t have nightmares anymore.” You paused and collected yourself. “He was really obsessed with the dogs for a while. Now he just takes care of them. He doesn’t talk about them all the time. Doesn’t worry about them.” 

“I know what it is I’m asking Y/N. And I wished to God I didn’t have to.”

You smiled slightly at what you were about to say.

“If he decides to go, and that’s a big if, he will not be going alone.” Jack nodded slowly. He figured this would happen. There was nowhere he went you would not follow.

“I know.”

“And you’re willing to deal with me for as long as it takes to get rid of this killer?” 

“If I have to.”

-

You sat on your bed. The world was quiet out here. You loved it. Will loved it. It was why you got it together, your first joint home purchase. Will was taking off his shoes and you put your arms around him from behind. 

He cuddled his head against yours. He could feel your breath against his skin when you spoke.

“I don’t want you to go, you know that.” 

“I don’t imagine you’ll let me go alone,” he whispered. “But you know if I go, I’ll be different when I get back.” You nodded.

“I loved you at your worst and I’ll love you for the rest of the time you’ll let me,” you promised. You kissed him tenderly and his hands rested on your cheek, moving your body with his other hand so that he didn’t have to crane his neck. 

-

Darkness moved around the bedroom peacefully. You slept beside Will but he was awake. He looked over at you and then slid out of bed. He pulled open a drawer quietly and took out a letter. The envelope is addressed to Will and Y/N, through the FBI. He hadn’t shown you this yet. He wasn’t sure if he should. 

But you had felt him get up. Years of feeling when he was having a nightmare trained you for that kind of moment. You sat up and slid out of bed. Will looked over to you.

“What’s that?” 

“I wasn’t going to show it to you.”

You walked over to him and put your arms around him from behind. You looked at the letter and the second you saw the handwriting you froze. 

“Is it directed to you?”

“Both of us.”

You took it from his hands and stood up straight. 

‘Dear Will and Y/N, we have all found a new life, but our old lives hover in the shadows, like incipient madness. Soon enough, I fear Jack Crawford will come knocking. I encourage Will, as a friend, not to step back through the door he holds open. I don’t doubt Y/N will protest against this ever happening but in case her will is not strong enough I must promise that there is darkness on the other side of the door and madness is waiting.’ 

You handed him the paper. 

“I’m calling the girls from down the street. Their teenagers will watch the dogs.” 

-

Will and you looked through the Leeds house. The two of you looked at the bloody remnants of what had happened there. You weren’t there to observe though. You were there for moral support. 

His eyes were shut for a while. You watched him stand there. You were silent.

Until he opened his eyes and a deep breath left his lips. You quickly approached him and hugged him tightly. He hugged you back, catching his breath in your arms.

-

“Jimmy you’re the light of my life,” Jack said.

“I know. The print’s smudged. Came off Mrs. Leeds eye. Never did that before. Never would’ve seen it, but it stood out against an eight-ball hemorrhage,” Jimmy explained. You, Will, Jack, Jimmy and Brian all stood in the morgue together. He kept stealing glances at you and Will whose thoughts were elsewhere. “I just...I can’t believe you’re back. I’m surprised you're back.”

“I’m surprised Y/N didn’t drag Jack's dead body in here,” Brian said. He hit Will’s back. “Welcome back.” 

-

Jack looked up from his desk to see Will and you standing before him. You were both looking at the information sheet. 

“You were asking about the dog. Last night, a vet called the police. Leeds and his oldest boy brought it into the bet the afternoon before they were killed,” Jack explained. 

“What’s going to happen to it?” Will asked.

“Please don't worry about the dog.” Will smiled a bit.

“What do you expect me to do?” he whispered. You smiled at him. Ever the sweetie. 

“Best you can, that’s all. Busyworks been a narcotic for me sometimes, especially after I quit the booze. For you too, I think,” Jack said. 

“There’s something else we can do,” you started. You paused for a moment. You and Will had talked this over just briefly but you understood it was what you needed. “We can wait until Will is driven to it by desperation in the last days before the full moon. Or we could do it now, while it might be of some use,” you finished. 

“Is there an opinion you want?” Will nodded slowly.

“We have to see Hannibal.”

3x09

[eyessharpweaponshot]

hi there!! are there any fics you’re reading right now that you would recommend? i need something good after the season we’ve been given so far 😣

hello there!

I agree, this season has been disappointing - especially considering it’s the last one. but thankfully, our fandom is full of amazing writers that serve us goods regularly. I have so much to recommend, it’s a joke. so prepare for a long fic rec. In no particular order, let’s begin:

1. Chasin’ You - @burninghoneyatdusk

okay. you’re gonna see a bit of a theme with me in these fic recs because the authors I mention are some of my favourites in the world - sam being one of the TOP TIER ones. this fic is a modern au, written about clarke and bellamy as exes (a favourite trope of mine) that have went their separate ways. clarke has moved away and hasn’t kept tabs on bellamy but he's soared to the top as a country star, his hit single being about her and what they had. if there’s any fic from this list you need to start reading, it’s this one.

2. Voices in the Water - @burninghoneyatdusk

It’s the canon version we all wanted. set on earth, clarke’s aunt (nia) forces her into an arranged marriage with king bellamy to unite the clans. but under it all, nia has tasked her to kill him. obviously, as clarke falls in love with bellamy, it’s the one task wanheda probably can’t complete. I'm in love with the imagery and descriptions in this fic. there are honestly some lines that sam writes that I want to frame and put up in my house. absolute brilliance.

3. All Because of You - @burninghoneyatdusk

*sheepishly raises hand* - hi, it’s me again, fangirling over another one of sam’s fics. if you have followed me for a while, either here or on twitter, you’ll have seen me screaming about this fic. I've pulled over while driving to read an update that came through to my email. no lie. I don’t say this lightly but it is definitely in my top 3 favourite bellarke fics of all time. sam DELIVERS with this one. bellamy knocks up his sister’s best friend when they’re both young and they grow together in raising their daughter. this fic flashes between present and future in the most seamless way and we see how in love they were back then but too scared to admit it, combined with how in love they are now that they are mature and older - but yet can’t seem to take the leap. I can’t tell you enough how good this fic is. I'm in love and it’s one of those fics that I would happily have as a book on my bookshelf, the pages worn and falling out from the amount of times that I re-read it.

*I just want to note that sam is doing a fantastic job at running @bellarkefic-for-blm. This is an opportunity for the bellarke community to directly support the Black Lives Matter cause through reading and writing fanfiction. For every fanfiction prompt a participating writer receives, they ask that you donate to an organization that supports the BLM cause. This initiative includes non-bellarke the 100 ships and requests for other content (e.g. gif sets, icons, moodboards, fanart). please check them out and request a prompt (this also includes updates for the above mentioned fics)*

4. Count Your Teeth - @icantloseyou-too

let me tell you, you guys will be well fed after reading this fic. It’s one of the most original idea’s and we get so much bellarke and the blake siblings in this one. bellamy is a treasure hunter and married to clarke, after leaving his thieving days behind him. that is until his past comes knocking and drags him back into that world again - and clarke along with him. absolute chefs kiss!

5. Cups and Sorcerers - @icantloseyou-too

again, such a unique plot with just the right amount of fluff. clarke is a witch who owns a coffee shop and she ends up meeting someone just as unique as her. I’m invested in this to an embarrassing degree and it always puts me in a good mood when this fic is updated. such a light and heart filling read and ciara does a fantastic job of world building in this fic.

6. Paint me in Trust - @pawprinterfanfic

I'm sure this fic needs no introduction. everyone and their mother has heard of it and if you haven’t read it yet, believe me, you’re missing out. a harry potter au that runs alongside the last few movies without being involved with the main characters. essie manages to make an already existing world so different, thrilling and gripping. it emotionally upends you and takes you along for the ride without any intention of letting you off. I'm just in love with it and rightly so!

7. When the Wolves Come Home - @pawprinterfanfic

I don’t know how people aren’t RAVING about this fic more because I certainly am. it’s massive for me to even say this because I love all of essie’s work but it’s my favourite fic that she’s written. I can’t describe the feeling I get when I read how she’s written bellarke in this. it’s a percy jackson au but you don’t need to have knowledge of that world to enjoy this. I actually started reading the books because of this fic. essie writes it so well and incorporates a lot of fantastic elements from greek mythology while also keeping me on the edge of my seat with bellarke’s journey. HERE FOR IT ALL THE WAY.

8. I’ll Find You in the Morning Sun - @cominguproses13x

I’ve never seen a fic talked about as much as this one. with 60 chapters, it’s bound to satisfy any hunger you have for bellarke. it’s set in a post apocalyptic world and it is beyond a shadow of a doubt, my favourite setting to read bellarke in. I've actually stopped reading this fic on chapter 5 because im currently writing my own post apocalyptic au as it was a trope on my bingo card and I don’t want any subconscious spill over, but I fully intend on reading the rest of the fic in one go once my fic is published and done. it deserves all the praise and hype.

9. For Blue Skies - @kombellarke

kayla’s fics make me actually weep. her writing style is just unbelievable and she sucks me into stories so fast. this one is no different. I live and breathe for bellarke as exes and this fic is one of my favourites. it’s a modern au with clarke as a mother and she cascades back into bellamy’s life without warning. perfect angst and anticipation. in love.

10. Love Like Fools - @talistheintrovert

the way I love talis with my whole heart. I'm always obsessed with her fics and the way this one was written was just magnificent. enemies to friends to lovers, roommates, angst, emotional comforting? SIGN ME UP. the perfect mix of all of those and I felt so good after reading this. always a fan.

11. It Had To Be You - @useyourtelescope

I had the honour of pre-reading some of this fic before it was published and I felt so privileged. a regency au with a prank war sprinkled in? perfection. hana honestly writes this so beautifully and I can’t recommend this enough. it’s so unique and we are all so incredibly lucky that there’s something in the bellarke fic world for everyone.

12. Veni, Vidi, Vinci - @carrieeve

Again, proof of the pudding that there’s something in fic for everyone. I’ve never read one like this before and it THRILLED me. murphy and bellamy working together to steal a Vinci? it was the fic I never knew I needed. the bellarke interaction in this was beautifully written and I am just completely obsessed. we really struck gold with the bellarke big bang works this year.

13. A Twist of Fate - @queenemori

let’s be honest, soulmate au’s are always wanted and needed in this fandom and kara does an excellent job of serving us this one. we got some team cockroach in here along with some top tier quality bellarke. what more could you ask for? if you haven’t read this fic yet, you need to. so thankful for kara being the absolute gifted babe that she is.

14. Power Over Me - @sparklyfairymira

okay, if you recently watched the witcher on netflix like I did, believe me, you NEED to read this fic. if you haven’t watched the witcher, this fic will make you want to watch it. the smut in this, the plot, the WRITING. absolutely phenomenal. have I mentioned how lucky we are to have such fantastic writers in this fandom?

15. There’s a Serpent Lying Deep Down in These Still Waters - @shaeheda

post apocalyptic au? SIGN ME UP. bellarke thrown together in unkind circumstances? SIGN ME UP. this magnificent human writing a fic? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. I'm so in love with this fic already and I haven’t even finished it yet. as I've said, I've stopped reading fics in this genre until my own is completed but I’ve read enough to tell you that this needs to be on your next to read list. forever in awe of the talent here and this fic makes me feel so lucky to be part of something so great.

I hope this satisfies you for a while and that you enjoy all the bellarkey goodness that comes from these fics. I'm gonna drop some of mine below because why not? just in case you’re in need of something more.

1. I Found Peace in Your Violence

clarke griffin has it all. she’s popular, an artistic prodigy and has a wealthy family to boot. so when her perfect world comes crashing down around her, it’s time to sink or swim. she tests positive for the Homicidal Tendency Syndrome gene, also known as the kill gene. clarke is plucked from her comfortable life and placed into a school with people just like her - carriers, delinquents. when she meets bellamy blake there, he looks like everything they say HTS carriers are. a monster, a criminal. yet, he’s the one who protects her.

2. I Am Lost This Time

a void!bellamy fic that we all deserved to have happen in canon. an au where bellamy hears clarke’s radio calls from earth, sees her memories in m-cap and where she really is the key: the one that unlocks his memories and brings him back to her.

3. Purple, Blue, Orange, Red

bellarke are childhood friends and teenage lovers, reuniting in the midst of the same grief that tore them apart.

4. Devil Side

post apocalyptic setting and my favourite fic to have ever written. both of them coming together to survive and protect those in their family, including two small children. bellarke started out as strangers, who would have thought that they’d end up co-parenting in the middle of a world that is too dangerous to survive out in the open?

5. Waste It on Me

a soulmate/reincarnation au that I wrote based off my own breakup and feelings. probably my most popular fic and should keep you going in terms of bellarke feels.

[tumblezwei]

Despite how little time I actually have these days to sit down and read anything, I’ve developed quite the long list of manga. Some of it’s popular stuff like AoT or Berserk, and others are just trashy series that I’ll never talk about because I have some level of shame. I don’t know where Im leading with this except to give some kind of context for the random manga I’m about to list off. I’ll put genre and a small synopsis, not all of these are going to be to everyone’s tastes, if any of them are, but I highly recommend each one of them. 

We’re gonna start with my favorite and go down

1. The Faraway Paladin

William is a shut-in that dies alone in his apartment and is reincarnated as a baby, surrounded by three undead figures: a mummy, a ghost, and a skeleton. The three raise him as their own son and teach him combat and magic as he tries to figure out the reason he was given a second chance. 

fantasy, adventure, isekai

Please don’t let the isekai description deter you, it’s not a harem, or an ecchi anime, or some power fantasy where Will is the chosen one. It’s focus is mostly on family and Will’s connections with other people and how that strengthens him. It’s only got 28 chapters translated right now, so don’t expect a sweeping saga, but it’s still criminally underrated in a space saturated with mediocre fantasy isekai. But if you do like the story and can’t wait, it’s adapted from a light novel. 

Also just, look at my boy, my beautiful son. 

2. Ebony

5 years ago, Ebony Vonieck was convicted for the murder of her fiance and sent to a women-only prison, where the guards abused and mistreated the inamtes on a daily basis. Then one day, Archduke Schneider somehow managed to free her from her imprisonment and brought her to his manor, where she was tgiven a warm reception and care that she was not used to. Schneider sees in Ebony a level of intelligence and potential that’s wasted on the patriarchal society of her kingdom, and gives her the oppurtunites to grow her skill and work alongside him. 

historical, fantasy, romance

Honestly it would probably be better to just paste the descriptions as they’re given, but I don’t think either description fits with what this story is. No, this is not a stroy where a man comes in and saves the poor woman from the evil other men and tells her she ~just doesn’t know how special she is~. This is a story about a woman taking her life back after everything was stolen from her, and taking the oppurtunities given to her to rise above her percieved worth and gain confidence in herself. Ebony is a fantastic character, and the story is majorily focused on her growth as a person, rather than her romance with Schneider (which hasn’t even started yet in the chapters that have been translated). 

3. A Stepmother's Märchen

At a young age, Shuli was sold off to marry the windowed Marquis of Neuschwanstein and take care of his four children. But suddenly, the Marguis died, leaving Shuli alone in a high society world she knew nothing about. She lived her life under harsh criticism and scorn, even from her own adopted children, until one day she’s pushed down a flight of stairs and dies. But instead of dying, she’s brought back to the day of her husband’s funeral, and begins living her life as the  Marchioness Shuli Von Neuschwanstein, but this time she’s going to do it differently. 

fantasy, romance, drama

At this point you can probably tell my preferences, and guess what this one is going to be about. And you’d be right, it’s about family, rectifying past mistakes, and romance that’s pratically nonexistant because finding out who you are and what you stand for is more important at the moment. Admittedly this one is more on the power fantasy side of Shuli getting to stick it to people who were assholes in previous life, but I still think it’s a good read with some unique and beautiful art. 

4. Mieruko-chan

All of a sudden, Miko is able to see grotesque monsters all around her; but no one else can. Rather than trying to run away or face them, she instead musters all of her courage and... ignores them. Join in on her day-to-day life as she keeps up her best poker face despite the supernatural goings-on.

comedy, supernatural, horror

This one’s mainly just for fun, and to break up the list so you don;t think all of my faves are the exact same lol. You’ve defintely seen at least a few images from this one, even if you don’t remember where they’re from. It’s mostly a gag/slife of life manga about a girl who can suddenly see ghosts everywhere, and tries to keep them from noticing that she can see them as she goes about her daily life. But what you might not know is that it has...a plot? Kind of? There’s defintely an overarching story going on that’s been taking priorty for the most recent chapters, and it’s defintely what kept the story from going stale on me. Overall it’s a fun read with more depth to it than you’d initially expect. 

5. Yeon Lok Heun

Yeon grew up disguised as a boy, living in a monk sancuray learning marital arts as her father went on a journey to get revenge on the people who murdered her mother when she was a baby. When her father gets arrested and is about to be excecuted for his crimes, Yeon begs the young Emperor Garyun to take her life instead. The emperor sees potential in this boy and agrees to spare the father in exchange for the boy’s life-long servitude. The manga follows Yeon solving supernatural problems for the Emperor while trying to keep her identity hidden, even as she falls in love. 

historical, fantasy, romance, action

YEAH IT’S ANOTHER ONE OF THESE. AND? AND??? 

In contrast to the others, however, this one actually isn’t about found family or personal demons, it’s mostly just about Yeon and her supernatural misadventures. And also the romance kind hits you like a freight train. There is no slowburn here, it’s just nonexistant and than WHAM, you’re making frustrated groans at your phone at 2 a.m. because you dorks, you’re in love. It’s fun, a little angsty, and trust me don’t even go into this expecting a breadcrumb trail to the romance just enjoy the story and wait to get hit. 

6. The Emperor and the Female Knight

Paulina is a bastard daughter of a count that was sold off at a young age and trained as a soldier to fight in the ongoing war between Cukda and Acrea. After 6 years fighting in this war, she’s captured by Acrean soldiers as a prisoner. After seeing her potential and dedication, Lucius, Emporer of Acrea, offers her a chance to work under him in his army. 

historical, fantasy, romance

shut up shut up shut up shut up

I’ll only say one think: twink king supreme and his ginormous, stupidly obvious crush on his butch right hand woman. If you want a romance centering around a masculine woman who’s never given that “Cinderella moment” where she realizes she was “beatiful all along,” and instead stays the entire story as a gruff, buff, battle-hardened badass, then this is the story for you. Incredibly funny, good characters, and a poor man that just wants to smooch Paulina so bad but she’s such a musclehead and doesn’t get it. 

7. July as Found by Chance

It starts with Danoh realizing that she has severe gaps in her memory. One minute she’s in class, and the next it’s three days later and she’s in a hospital bed for a check-up on her heart condition. The, she gets flashs of the future, jumbled up images and words that later come true right in front of her eyes. And then she finds the book, with her name inside it. But she’s not the main character, she’s a side character that exists to die. 

romance, drama

Unlike every other manga/manhwa on this list, this one is actually completed. It’s a pretty somber story, about two people that find out they’re characters in a story with a set storyline and no chance of happiness together. It’s mostly about their struggle to find some agency in their situation, no matter how much they’re pulled apart. It’s cute, and sometimes sad, with an incredibly unique take on “characters trapped in a story” that I’ve never seen before and haven’t since. 

And that’s it for now! Each one of these has something unique to offer, in my mind, and deserve a lot more attention than they have. And now you have a glance at what my tastes are lol, if I’m not reading something like this, then it’s something more action oriented or at least more well-known. If you’ve managed to make it to the end, thanks, maybe I’ll do another one of these if people like this one. 

[calpops]

collision | a.i.

In which Ashton owns a record shop and you work in a bookstore a block over. A missing book, a collision and a broken binding bring you together.

Word count: 1k

***

Ashton never usually roams too far from the street his record shop Music Mayhem is on. The store admittedly rules a huge part of his life. He’d raised it from the ground up with his best friend Calum. It dictated most of his free time, if he wasn’t behind the counter for purchases he was perusing the aisles or the back to keep a mental inventory. Even the moments he found himself outside the same poster splashed walls it was usually all tied back to the shop in some way. He’d stop in at Past Presents, the antique shop just a couple buildings up the block, to search for answers or pieces of musical past. The owner Luke always had pieces worth purchasing or advice on vintage players. He also made his daily iced coffee run to the bakery across the street; his good friend Michael enabling his habit with the best brew he’d ever tasted.

Today he finds himself a block over; to the bookstore he’d only ever seen in a rush as he passed. It stands small against buildings double its size, but there’s a certain charm that captures the brick littered with ivy and windows with flower boxes overrun by bright zinnias. Ashton can tell it’s dimly lit just through the windows, shadows dancing across the short spaces and dark wooden shelves seemingly lost in the lack of light. He wonders if it’s even open for a moment but a person cuts past a window and affirms that it is. He’s in search of something specific; looking to replace a book he lost some time ago, only now realizing it no longer sits among the chaos of his overfilled bookshelf. It’s a rare find, written by a local author and out of print. He only hopes he can find it among the used books.

He strolls in and as his eyes adjust to the lighting he spots a table filled with used books. They lay in piles, books askew on top of one another, a mess of literature marked for a dollar with covers and pages creased and worn from time. He walks over with expectations low and sifts through the piles, careful not to damage the books any further.

He has no luck in his endeavors. He double checks just to make sure and sighs in defeat when he comes up empty. He spins around to head back to the doors but stops short and into a collision. A handful of books fall to the floor with resounding thuds and so does a person Ashton has never seen before. His own balance is thrown off as he stumbles but catches himself on the edge of the table, rights himself quickly and looks down at the chaos he inadvertently and accidentally caused.

You look up at him and he goes breathless. Your eyes are wild with worry as you gaze back down at the books now littering the floor. Ashton drops to a knee in an offering of help as your shaking hands reach to recollect them.

“I’m so sorry,” Ashton apologizes and begins to stack the fallen books.

“No, no. I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I took more than I could handle,” you explain while you shake your head in denial of his apology and thumb over a cover that seems to have an extra crease from the way it fell. You sigh and add it to the pile you’ve begun stacking.

“I should watch where I’m going,” Ashton says in an attempt to alleviate your guilt. There’s something in your voice that pulls at his heart strings. Something in your eyes that tells him you’re worth defending.

You both go silent for a moment as the task at hand becomes you. You both reach for the same book, fingers brushing fingers and pulling away quick. Ashton bites his lip and lets you reach for it, but the book falls from its binding and a horrified gasp falls from your lips as the pages splay out onto the floor.

Ashton moves to help quickly, catching the pages and putting them back together in some semblance of what they were before. The cover lays on the floor and the title finally catches his eye. It’s the book he was looking for; a hardbound cover with different colors from the paperback he used to have making it nearly unrecognizable. A tiny laugh rolls out of Ashton but cuts short when he sees your shining eyes and flushed face.

“This is exactly what I was looking for, actually,” Ashton says as he shoves loose pages back into the binding. He hopes his words will comfort you but realizes quite quickly they have the opposite effect.

“I-I’m so sorry, I can try to track down another copy for you I know we don’t have another in stock but we have a sister store in another city I could call and-“ you say in a nervous rush but Ashton smiles and reassures you.

“I actually know a guy who can fix this,” Ashton promises, broken book still in hand and a collection of the other fallen ones under his arm. He starts to stand and so do you, with your own pile of books in hand. “He owns an antique shop. He’s always binding old books, it’s no big deal.”

“Are you sure?” You ask as you both discard the books into the pile on the table. Ashton nods and heads towards the register, throwing you a look as if to communicate he wants to be rung up by you. When you take his hint and follow his lead another rush of words falls out of you.

“You don’t have to pay for it it’s damaged it’ll cost more to fix than buy I can have my wages docked by a dollar for ruining inventory...”

Ashton laughs and hands over a bill. “No need to get in trouble for something I caused, yeah?”

You hesitantly take the money and nod. “Could I at least… buy you a coffee sometime to make up for it?”

“Are you asking me on a date?” Ashton inquires with a raised eyebrow and hope flooding his heart. You blush and butterflies accompany the hope. You nod. “Then, of course.”

You agree to meet for coffee the next day during your break at the bakery a block over; Sweet Stuff being Ashton’s recommendation. Ashton leaves the bookstore with loose pages in broken binding, with a plan for tomorrow and more than he bargained for. Hope and butterflies linger and Ashton’s sure they will stay until he gets to see you again.

***

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[mingishoe]

if you would actually want to see one of these let me know!

(This is kinda long... I’m so sorry I’m not using the ‘read more’ option so I’m so sorry if I’m spamming your feed)

(Also PSA these ideas are all my own and Ik some of them might be a lil cliche but I promise they’re all my ideas and I didn’t take them from someone else! Except the tiktok one)

Young Dumb and Broke (Series) - So this one is a lil weird but hear me out... I’m a bitch for Sugar Daddy stories but this is like a lil twist. So basically you got out of highschool and somehow got a sugar daddy (completely legal!!!) and like you got a shit ton of money and he like paid for your first two years of college so like you’re living the life- then he like puts money in your account... like a lot of money... and he buys you a bunch of shit so you’re literally living the life in his penthouse or whatever and then like you’re like hmmm ion need a sugar daddy anymore so then you’re like lemme tell him and then he like gets mad and is like get the fuck out... then you go and find your own place and like there’s no need for you to be worried about money or anything but you still go get a job just so you can be busy and you find a cute cafe and you get a boyfriend who happens to be your old sugar daddy’s son and like shit be happening. So yeah that’s what I have as of now and I think that could be fun to write

Guns N’ Roses (one shot) - I’m an even bigger bitch for Mafia shit and like a Hongjoong/Jongho/maybe Seonghwa Ateez Mafia moment? And like maybe a lil cliche moment but like the MC won’t get kidnapped by him or whatever but like she’s a little nosy bitch. Like not an annoying nosy to where she’d get fucked up by the Mafia but like nosy so tHe ScArY mAfIa bOsS thinks she’s cute, you know? So like she obviously knows who he is and like thinks he’s hot and wants to fuck. So she messes with him and is like wHy dO yOu hAVe a bLacK eYe when she obviously knows why he has a black eye. N e way... I think it would be cute or whatever but also not like a cliche he kidnapped me and I fell in love with him kinda moment.

Pancakes? (one shot) - So I’m even a bigger bitch for hybrid fics. Ik Im a bitch for a lot of stuff sorry... N e way I don’t rly know how to write one so I’d have to do like research or whatever about it and figure out anatomy of like whatever animal I’m wanting to do (probably a puppy or a kitten or a bunny bc I’m a basic bitch and don’t wanna do something cool like a snake or anything... but like MC would find said animal sOmEwHerE or maybe adopt it from the actual animal shelter instead of a hybrid one just bc they were in the animal form and not the human-hybrid form, you know? And like they take him home and like their new pet or whatever falls asleep on her tummy and like when she wakes up it’s a whole ass man and she’s like uhh what the fuck is a grown ass naked man doing on me??? And like they both get scared and like she offers him pancakes (hence the name) and like yeah they just live life after that with some conflict but it’s all good.

Temptation (one shot) - so guess what else I’m a bitch for... Vampire AUs... like who isn’t??? So like I really fuck with San/Seonghwa vampire moment?But like I really really fuck with the MC being the vampire... like there’s not a lot of one shots or series with the MC as the vampire so I think that would be cute and different. But also again, idk too much about vampire shit besides the cliche stuff and I’m sure I could take a different route with it rather than the usual uhhh shhh don’t tell anyone I’m a vampire or imma bite you kinda stuff. Or the we met in a club and imma suck your blood and you may or may not live kinda thing, even though those are my favourites and I read those all the time.

*Idk what name yet* (One shot) - I also really really like Harry Potter house AUs with maybe San or Wooyoung of Ateez... but I’ve never seen a full Harry Potter movie in my life (please don’t attack me) and I would have to like watch the movies and read parts of the books or like research stuff about the Harry Potter houses EXTENSIVELY (unless there’s anyone who wants to help me) but I rly like the whole the really pretty girl that everyone is scared of is in the Slytherin House and the cute shy boy in the Hufflepuff House has the biggest crush on her. And like she fucks with him bc he’s a Hufflepuff but she likes him too and just doesn’t know how to show it.

Hail Mary (one shot) - So like this is probably the most cliche on the list but the fucking Priests Daughter kinda shit is the best kinda shit out there. Like I would REALLY FUCK WITH A N Y member of ATEEZ LIKE FUCK! N e way- like the MC would be the priests daughter and like E V E R Y O N E knows who she is bc 1. She’s hot. And 2. She’s known for being like a goodie goodie. She’s the kinda girl that like has straight A’s in every class, doesn’t go to any parties, is at church all day every Sunday with her father. You wear a purity ring around your finger and all the boys just want to be the one to make you take it off. But like whichever member I pick (I’ve been wanting to write this for forever but I can’t pick a member from the ones listed above) actually likes you and isn’t just fucking you to get your ring.

Bookstore Girl (one shot) - So... I’ve had this idea for over a year (way before I started writing on Tumblr) it’s not rly that interesting or really original or anything but like one of my favourite songs is Bookstore Girl by Charlie Burg and immediacy after the first time I heard it I thought “I’m writing a Namjoon fic based off of this song” and I have yet to do it. If you haven’t heard it before I really recommend you do! In the song it says “Oh bookstore girl, I wonder what your name is” and “Reading only the books that you'd recommend to me... knowing more than just your name, it wouldn’t be the same... remaining fantasy, that’s more romantic to me” and it really gave me the inspiration for like maybe the MC as the other regulars that Namjoon likes so he’s always asking her for book Recs or they’d just talk about books but he doesn’t know her name and it’s practically killing him bc he has the biggest crush on her but literally knows nothing about her. So yeah I’ve personally never rly read a fic like this??? But yeah i think it would be really cute.

Groupie (One shot) - so like PH-1 is like one of my favourite artists and like he has a song called Groupie and I think it would be really interesting to incorporate it into a fic. I was thinking maybe like Jin/Taehyung BTS or like maybe Minhyuk Monsta X would go good with this kind of fic? So like in the song it’s constantly asking if their a Groupie “Are you a groupie? Tell me straight up is you a Groupie? I’m trynna do me, don’t waste my time is you a Groupie?” And like I think it would be kinda a twist if he knew the MC was a Groupie but he didn’t care bc he actually really liked her and is willing to have her around as a Groupie than not at all. But like eventually the MC would like... stop being a Groupie? And like they’d end up together fr fr, you know?

Red? (One Shot) - So yk those TikToks, yes I have a TikTok addiction don’t come at me, that are like yOu aNd yOur sOUlMaTe sEe tHe sAmE cOlOur aNd oNce yOu fAll iN lOve yOu seE eVery cOlOur? So yeah those kind of tiktoks are really creative and I think it would be a really cool fic idea. This one is obviously not my idea but I could try and like make a spin on it??? If that makes sense? But I was thinking maybe Mingi ATEEZ

*idk a name for this one either* (One shot) - So you know how there’s like a million fics that’s like tHe dEvIls sOn, which no hate bc those hit different, but like there’s never rly any where the MC is like the devils daughter yk? I’m thinking either Mingi or Yunho Ateez. So like imagine the Devil sending his daughter to go collect this “pretty boy” and bring him down. He was said to be protected by the angles so you had to get him wrapped around your finger. You take an interest in the “pretty boy” and bring him down with you and you want him for yourself, let’s just say the Devil isn’t happy...

Wings (one shot) - So I’m really into the whole Angel/Demon and Heaven/Hell kinda thing incorporated into fics and like... I’m kinda thinking like maybe Angel!Yunho/Wooyoung(kinda funny Ik) and like Demon!San/Seonghwa and like you’re one of the few “angels” that can go back and forth through Heaven and Hell. You’re half Angel and half Demon which is the reason you could travel back and forth. You usually spend most of your time on the lower half... it maybe or may not be because of a specific Demon with wings so dark you almost couldn’t see them... however, in heaven... the boy with the whitest wings you’ve ever seen makes you want to keep going back. Your wings are gray, more specifically a dark gray meaning you’re more demonic than angelic, which makes you stand out in either place. The more time you spend with the boy with the white wings... the darker they become...

사랑해 (Saranghae) (one shot) - So like Ik there’s a lot of like HighSchoolAUs and I really really like them but I wanna take a little spin on it and do like a transfer student kinda thing. So I’m thinking maybe like Yeosang ATEEZ? So like they come to America (where you’re from) from Korea and you’re assigned to be their like? Idk what it’s called? Just kinda the person to show them around and make them feel welcome. So it’s a little bit difficult because of the language barrier so you try your best to learn Korean and he try’s his best to learn some English so the two of you could talk. You’re not good at korean, at all, but you know when you hear that word... you feel the same way.

[creativeashproductions]

Seasons of Love // Noah Centineo

Summary: Summer is officially coming to an end and with that comes another ending just needed for a new journey to begin. Change comes with both bittersweet sadness and happiness. Doesn’t help your daydreaming of brown eyes all the time either and confused on who they belong to.

Characters: Ethan Dolan x Reader, Noah Centineo x Reader, Grayson Dolan, Bryant Eslava, and Emma Chamberlain (mentioned)

Words: 1.4k

Disclaimer: Obviously I don’t know the Dolan Twins or Noah but I can own plots in stories I make for them. Do not post our work on other sites without our explicit consent.

Warnings: Possible swearing, Emma Chamberlain is mentioned, angst, and fluff.

A/N: I think this was kind of my way of breaking away from being a diehard Dolan Twins fan to simply being a fan. While I’m obsessed over Noah’s movies and shows and I honestly don’t know why I am. Enjoy and request for more!

Master list

Prompt List

ASK US A QUESTION LIST

It was odd how you can go from being someone's number one fan to slowly becoming acquaintances barely sharing a relationship that was slowly growing cold. The relationship with Ethan was almost identical to the four seasons. There were the days your skin was kissed by the warmth of summer and slowly the days were becoming more and more like the colder season, not winter yet heading in that direction. He was the first boy you had been serious with ever, together for over two beautiful years from the moment you met him at his and Grayson's sixteenth birthday.

It was no one's fault honestly that you had grown apart, but it did suck because you were close to his family and he was to yours. You were hanging on to the remnants of a relationship that was stability and familiarity but how long can you pretend to be in love? When you were falling in love with the brown eyes from the farmers market that sold the best organic smoothies each second Friday of the months? With the boy with a gorgeous smile only adjacent with a faded scar that was years old.

When Ethan brought you to Bryant's birthday party weeks ago, you had bumped into the same guy. He was steadily growing more popular in the film industry with a large following, and he had such as personality you couldn't help but fall for him somewhat. Those little talks at the farmers market from June had steadily grown more important to you with book recommendations and words of wisdom.

Noah was merely a guy who knew exactly what he wanted in life and had a past that helped create the guy he was. He had similar traits to Ethan, but that wasn't what drew you to him. He knew you were in a relationship and didn't cross over the line other than meaningless flirting. He could see how you and Ethan weren't the same as you had been on your social media once he found it back in June.

"Hey!" You grinned at the ridiculously tall man. He gave you a smile that melted your heart while also making you feel guilty.

"Hey." He spoke eyes flitting behind you to the group of guys talking. No doubt about upcoming shoots being planned, "How are you doing?"

"Amazing. I've started my last chapter for my manuscript."

"I meant with the rumours."

The rumours had been long ago shadowed by the rumours of Ethan and Emma from the 'meaningful looks' to the jetski photo. It annoyed you with the comments surrounding it, but you knew that Ethan wouldn't cheat just like he knew you wouldn't. He, however, was watching you interact with Noah and had seen the photos by paparazzi looking for Noah. It saddens him your guys' relationship wasn't what it used to be, and he knew it was time to let you go.

"I feel like it's starting to dwindle down now that Emma was spotted with someone else. I think it was her way of putting some of the talks to sleep without vocally addressing it." You spoke with a small shrug barely meeting Noah's breathtaking eyes.

"Hey man," Noah spoke as a familiar body settled beside you just close enough to show you were together. Noah was flooded with jealously but also the acknowledgement of you being taken, "I'm going to go talk to Bryant. See you guys later."

Ethan and you both watched him join the conversation with Bryant and Gray, "He's a good guy. I'm happy you found him."

"What do you mean E?" You asked confused.

"I can't think of anyone else that would fit beside you. I want you to be happy."

"I am." You sputtered.

"When we got together I was completely in love with you. Over the last few months, we aren't the same." Ethan sighed shoving his hands in his pockets whereas you rested them on the railing of the balcony.

"What happened E? How did we go from being kids in love to this?" You questioned staring out into the fading sunset.

"We grew up. We grew together, and we went separate ways." Ethan replied with a quiet sigh of sadness, "I didn't want to break up because what if it's just a-"

"Season of our love." You interrupted with the smallest tear racing down your cheek.

"But it wasn't."

"It's the end of times for us huh?"

"Not necessarily." Ethan shrugged, "We can be friends. We've been friends almost longer than we've dated. I guess it was a good thing we decided against living together."

"Gray would have hated that." You snorted.

"I'm going to miss your cold ass feet at night." Ethan bumped his hip into yours while you leaned your head against his shoulder.

"This is the most undramatic Ethan I've ever known." You teased as he rolled his eyes at your comment, "I mean wow you're such as an old adult."

"Oh shut up." Ethan laughed loudly, "I guess we just broke up."

"So anti-climatic. Should we stage a fight?"

"Nah. I think you should go talk to him."

"Isn't that awkward though? We just broke up E." You mumbled leaning your head onto your resting arms.

"We emotionally ended things long ago. We just couldn't speak it into existence." Ethan sighed once more as he straightened up, "I'm not joking. You guys are perfect, you have more love and spark then we ever had. I think we were just meant to be fleeting lover-"

"Fleeting? We were together for two years Ethan, that's not fleeting." You piped up unapologetically.

"Way to ruin my mature moment of wisdom."

"My apologies. Please continue." You grinned despite the tinge of sadness coating the atmosphere around each other.

"As I was saying: We were placed in each other's lives to be fleeting lovers to teach each other what a real relationship should be. We taught each other how to balance time together with jobs and projects."

"We had to teach each other how to be adults. What real love is compared to angst-ridden teenage flings."

"I'll always love you."

"Same here E." You breathlessly spoke as it settled in, "Now Emma doesn't have to avoid me."

"There's nothing there."

"That was true when you were in a relationship. We're single Ethan." You ended with a retaliated hip check.

"Gonna miss you," Ethan spoke wrapping his arms around you. It was as if you two had just broken out of your cacoons turning into butterflies. You leaned up to press a lingering kiss on his cheek bathed in a language of goodbye.

With that, you stepped back from the boy that had once held your heart, genuinely until you unknowingly traded each other's hearts back. Only to give them away without realising to other people.

"I'm gonna go." You spoke walking backwards until you were met with the warmth of inside. Ethan stayed silent with a small smile watching as the sun finally set.

You scanned the room speckled with people speaking to each other along with Grayson watching you concerned as you walked away from Ethan. It often made you marvel at how connected they were in emotional. Gray knew what happened even if he didn't know if it was mutual or riddled with pain. Noah watched as you came over to him and Bryant.

"Happy Birthday Bryant." You spoke hugging him close, "I'm gonna head out."

"Is everything okay?" He questioned.

"It's perfect." You smiled staring at Noah. Breaking the gaze you collected your things to leave the place. You were taking in the fresh air outside only tinged with the slight smell summer. A new summer as he walked out behind you.

"Ethan told me to find you. Are you okay? What happened?" Noah asked.

"We broke up." You merely spoke slipping into your jacket while Noah remained silent.

"I'm so sorry. Was it because of us?" Noah questioned concerned. No matter how much he liked you, he couldn't live his life knowing he had broken a couple up.

"No. We've been done for months. We just couldn't end it. You know?" You spoke placing your hand beside his own hand. Pinkies brushing you couldn't help yourself from speaking more, "We fell out of love silently and poetically, and we love other people."

"Oh." Noah hid his grin even if you could feel the happiness radiating off him, "Who's this guy?"

Your hands intertwined, "It all started when I thought I felt winter coming. It all started in a Farmer's Market on a warm summer day."

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[mini-pretzel]

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love. 

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? 

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? 

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine? 

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room? 

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love? 

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate? 

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to? 

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet? 

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? 

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? 

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film? 

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle? 

idk

u

tell

me

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world? 

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! 

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number? 

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? 

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? 

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general? 

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? 

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? 

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? 

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy? 

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy? 

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? 

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? 

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? 

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them? 

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert? 

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? 

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel? 

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? 

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français? 

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? 

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? 

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! 

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? 

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved? 

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about? 

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? 

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? 

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? 

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now? 

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile? 

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot? 

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? 

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? 

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? 

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? 

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? 

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? 

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl? 

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine? 

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine? 

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? 

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? 

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs? 

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall? 

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? 

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past? 

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future? 

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? 

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? 

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets? 

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest? 

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? 

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? 

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree? 

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? 

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? 

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? 

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? 

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? 

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. 

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about? 

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot? 

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? 

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry? 

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? 

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going? 

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

[edwad]

If you had to choose 10 marxian econ books for someone who has only read marx, what would you recommend

by “marx” i have to assume you mean capital because that really is the root of “marxian econ”. it won’t suffice to just have read the manifesto or something like that and i don’t want to recommend books that will be saying things that you’re totally unfamiliar with because you’re skipping straight into the secondary literature which already largely assumes a reader which is familiar with capital. anyway, heres a list, which isnt in any particular order and which includes a few things that i’m still working through for myself:

1. essays on marxs theory of value - isaak rubin 

hugely important book which essentially all value-form theory derives from. written by an extremely knowledgeable marx scholar who had a much better idea of what marx was doing in capital than most marxists today. last month brill published a book called “responses to marxs capital” which includes some of rubin’s other writings, most of them being published in english for the first time. hes a huge figure in the literature and definitely worth looking in to. 

2. marx, capital, and the madness of economic reason - david harvey

i was obviously going to put something of harvey’s in here and i think his last book is a fairly good summary of the best of what hes done up to this point with some welcome additions (the visualization of capital, the stuff on anti-value, etc). not perfect but he definitely provides a good framework for how to understand the geography of capital which doesnt require necessarily agreeing with him on everything. honestly, if you keep up with harvey at all you’ll be able to tell that its mostly just typical harveyisms with the inclusion of some stuff from his recent talks (which have all been almost exactly the same). 

3. in the long run we are all dead - geoff mann

maybe this looks more like a book on keynesian rather than marxian econ, but its real argument is that keynesianism as a long historical project (meaning long before and after keynes himself) has been an immanent critique of liberalism and revolution and that keynes is to us what hegel was to marx. a really great book that covers a lot of ground which isnt always explicitly economic, but definitely worth the read if you have the patience. if you want a longer review, i left a pretty lengthy one on amazon a few months ago where you can get a better idea of what i got from this book, what its limitations are, and why i think its so important. 

4. monopoly capital - paul baran & paul sweezy 

an older book which hasnt exactly aged well, but its thesis has become extremely popular again since the crisis. written by baran and sweezy, the fathers of “the monthly review school” of economics, its played a huge role in the direction of marxian debates from the 1960s up until today. the authors were both tending in the same intellectual direction in their earlier works (sweezy’s theory of capitalist development and baran’s political economy of growth, the former still being considered one of the best introductions to marxs work and its relevance to the 20th century, with much controversy of course) and this was the result of them coming together to talk about what they saw as a monopoly capitalism which was fairly different in character than the “competitive capitalism” of marx’s day and therefore had to be dealt with differently. 

5. capitalism - anwar shaikh

probably the most ambitious work the left has seen in a long time which tries to thoroughly critique neoclassical theory and develop an alternative economics which is rooted in what shaikh calls the “classical” school (”classical-marxian” would probably be more appropriate but i think hes trying to downplay his reliance on marx). in it, shaikh takes a good look at many of the competing schools of thought (neoclassical, post-keynesian, sraffian/neo-ricardian, etc) and sees how they stand up analytically and empirically, taking issue with their underlying assumptions and the inevitable problems which arise from building a theory on false foundations. 

one of his bigger points is that the neoclassical theory of “perfect competition” is nonsensical but wasnt thoroughly combatted by heterodox economists, who only made it so far as asserting the “imperfect” nature of competition, which, in shaikh’s eyes, is to simply add imperfections after the fact into the theory which necessarily begins with the absurd assumption of perfection. the book’s argument is that the theorists of “imperfect competition” still rely on the theory of “perfect competition” as their starting point and never really manage to escape the latter because they havent actually created an alternative way of thinking about competition, they’ve just inserted a complication into a theory which was a completely unrealistic assumption to begin with. much of his attack is directed at the monthly review school and the idea of a “monopoly capitalism” which is supposedly different in form than the allegedly “perfect competition” of capitalism during marxs life. in this sense, this book serves as a counterbalance to the MR approach and is also probably the most successful attempt at situating marxs TRPF within an empirical study of kondratiev waves. 

hes also got a website with a bunch of resources and a lecture series from a course he did on the material in the book which is pretty interesting, but it assumes a good deal of familiarity with economics. 

6. a history of marxian economics - michael howard & john king (2 volumes)

this is a pretty thorough history of the internal debates among marxian economists ever since the death of marx all the way up to 1990. it covers a lot of ground and doesnt shy away from controversies where marx didnt come out on top. of course, a good amount of this is subject to the interpretation of the authors and they definitely have a great deal of input, but its a very impressive work which i frequently use as a marxian encyclopedia of sorts. 

7. the making of marx’s capital - roman rosdolsky

despite some problems, rosdolsky’s classic book on the development of marx’s critique of political economy is easily one of the most important marxological works ever written and it still holds a lot of sway. taking the grundrisse as its starting point, the author unpacks marx’s project and constantly asserts marx’s method and in particular his explicit reliance on hegel’s logic, pitting marx (as he was in his drafts) against the then contemporary thinkers and critics which were prone to misusing or misunderstanding the arguments in capital. as a disclaimer and partial criticism of rosdolsky’s portrait of marx, i dont believe that we can simply say that marx in the late 50s was identical to the marx of the 60s and 70s that wrote and published capital, but i also dont think that means we necessarily have to discount the grundrisse (or theories of surplus value, etc) simply because they werent written at precisely the right time for marxs thinking. 

i only just got my own copy a couple of weeks ago so i cant say too much more but i have skimmed through chunks of the pdf and its totally unavoidable in the secondary literature so im not totally unfamiliar. its one i plan on tackling in full very soon.

8. moneybags must be so lucky - robert paul wolff

another marxological one, this tiny book is a literary analysis of capital and in particular the first part of volume 1. wolff does a great job of deconstructing the arguments in chapter 1 to try and clarify what marx is doing and why with a lot of humor and philosophical tangents. one of his biggest points is that marxs heavy reliance on irony was the only adequate way of capturing the contradictory nature of capitalism and is therefore part of the theory itself, rather than simply being a way to dress up the theory and make it more palatable to readers. i approached this book after id already “read marx” too, but it was extremely useful because it wasnt until i read it that i finally started to actually understand marx. for that reason, i dont feel particularly bad about recommending it to anyone thats already familiar with capital because it does a great job of making the most difficult part of volume 1 infinitely more exciting and comprehensible – especially since its never enough to just read capital once. 

9. the production of commodities by means of commodities - piero sraffa

against my better judgement, i’m putting this on the list knowing full-well that i’m going to be harassed by an anon which has been on my ass for about a year now ever since i first recommended sraffa’s book in a reading list despite the fact that ive never finished it (barely even read it to be more precise). i do, however, know that its had a huge influence on the trajectory of marxian thought since 1960 and that many of the thinkers are still trying to recover from the theoretical displacement implicit in sraffa’s thesis. 

its a math-heavy book (which is why i havent been able to wade through it) and its status as a work coming from the “marxian” approach is hotly contested, but its certainly had its way with the marxian school (not to mention the neoclassical school, which has an easier time simply ignoring sraffa entirely), generating countless debates among scholars, many of whom simply wish that this book had never been written. for a short summary of the debate and whats apparently at stake, ive got an old post where i worked out some of the initial responses to sraffa and how this has snowballed into the controversy that it is today. ive got it on this list because of how unavoidable it is. you cant go into the secondary literature at anything resembling an intermediate level without knowing sraffa’s name and why everyone feels so strongly about him.

10. an introduction to the three volumes of karl marxs capital - michael heinrich

i dont quite like that im ending this list with a book that presents itself as an “introduction” when we’ve already established that this is a bunch of recommendations for someone thats already acquainted with capital, but sadly this is the only full-length book that heinrich has in the english language and its reading of capital is so unorthodox that it feels totally alien against all the traditional interpretations of marx. honestly, it doesnt feel like an introduction in the first place, reading more like a challenge and an intervention into the secondary debates about what marx is saying in capital which derives from the german debates which constitute the parameters for the “neue marx-lekture”, or “the new reading of marx”, which sits uncomfortably among the more typical marxisms that surround it on all sides, especially among non-german theorists/readers. 

as far as the dominant reading of marx goes, nearly everything this book says betrays marx’s project, but heinrich knows marx very well, better than most of us (as even his biggest critics readily admit). this may be considered reflective of a “new reading”, but that doesnt mean the old ones are any better or that this one is necessarily a “revisionist” project as many claim (or at least, i wouldnt consider it to be revising marx even if its guilty of revising “marxism”, which is by no means necessarily a bad thing). on the contrary, i think heinrich has the best understanding of marx out of pretty much everyone else right now and thats why i wanted to end with this one. yes, you should read all of the others, especially since you cant understand the way we read and think about marx without coming across the work of people like sraffa and sweezy, but that doesnt really change the fact that heinrich points to a big problem with the way we read and think about marx, that the debates have been getting it wrong all along and largely misunderstanding marxs actual project, miscontextualizing it and falling into dogmatism for various political or academic reasons. 

what heinrich does is to show how the way marx is read and interpreted often misses or downplays the most crucial elements of what marx is actually trying to get across. marxs critique of political economy simply gets converted into a newer, more correct political economy which simply builds on the classical school (shaikh), or it suffers in the hands of those that believe its foundations need to be updated as if it isnt all that relevant anymore (sweezy and baran), or that many of its categories are lacking utility and can simply be done away with (sraffa). rubin’s work plays a big part in establishing the NML reading and harvey draws on heinrich’s scholarship a lot, but nobody really does it as well as heinrich himself and i genuinely think hes lightyears ahead of everyone else. a lot of people are starting to agree and i was one of the most recent converts on the heinrich hype train which has been growing for the last couple of years. 

any day now, we should be getting one of his older books, the science of value, in english and i plan on devouring it as fast as i can, but sadly its been in limbo for several years, with its initial release scheduled for 2014 (if i remember correctly). in the mean time though, we’ve only got his introduction to capital and a bunch of shorter pieces/videos.  

so i guess thats my list of 10 things to read after marx with some explanations on why i think theyre important, culminating in ideologically correct heinrich-worship. this was sorta fun and if you have any other questions feel free to ask. 

[gizmosisbuttons]

Episode 4 was a fandom wide callout post.

all you fools too busy being pissed bc Coran went all show crazy and basically re-characterized the paladins to what the masses found entertaining, to notice that the entire episode was literally a fandom wide call out post. they literally called us out guys. 

lets go over the list of things Coran said/did in ep 4 and compare them shall we?

let me preface this by saying he literally wasn't himself and i still love him just as much as before, my gorgeous man.

”I worked up very specific personas for each of you. This is going to help the audience connect on a much deeper level with each team member.” 

as if they didn't already have defining personalities that make them very likable and awesome? sounds familiar right? its one thing to speculate and theorize based on what we know about a character especially if we don’t know a lot about said character. the writers put a lot of time and effort into developing these characters and even said during an interview once that one of the things that bugged them about og Voltron was that the only properly developed character was Keith. the other guys didn't get a chance to be loved. and that was what they aimed to do, to give every paladin and character the chance to be loved. since the beginning the fandom has been bad at this. taking one teeny trait from each character and twisting them so that the only thing that matters is that trait. 

         “lover-boy lance”

throughout the series lance is known  to flirt with...pretty much every cute alien girl. of course. hes handsome, charming, girls love him. Coran wipes away all of the actually relatable things about his personality in favor of this charming flirt who would win over girls. Lance is insecure, he’s witty, he is the freaking sharpshooter, the teams sniper and their glue. he’s voltrons right hand now for a reason. he got into the garrison which is a military space exploration base, not just anyone gets in. hes incredibly intelligent and a great pilot. amazing really. bc simulations are always absolutely terrible and rarely help. oh yea, and hes charming.but god forbid anyone forget that hes a flirt. who cares about the other stuff that will actually help the audience connect with him. 

        “science wiz pidge” 

its no secret that pidge is incredibly intelligent. she is one of the characters who haven't gotten their developing points until this season. in one of the first flashbacks we learned she nearly gave up studying because some kid decided to be a dick and bully her. Matt pulled her out of it and encouraged her to work hard. later on in ep 4 coran says that her science doesn't need to be factually correct because noone will understand her either way. he undermined her intelligence because . well. noone cares what she says as long as it sounds smart. fanfic writers do this a lot. like. a lot. i understand that you may not have the same knowledge that the girl who hacked herself into a military school base undercover at he age of 14-15 (if the theory that the garrison is a high school program is correct) because she had gotten banned for sneaking in and hacking into the computer system, but if you really do insist on focusing her on her smarts, do some research. no to mention. pidge may be the youngest, but she really is more than science and calculations. shes intelligent yes, but she can hold her own in battle (at the age range of 15-17 with no prior battle training), shes afraid of the possible reality that all her efforts are wasted and Matt and Sam are dead, she is actually pretty social with the paladins (she can even be seen hanging out in the kitchen while hunk makes glass cookies.) and beyond her intelligence, shes wise. shes not just random science facts, she knows how to hold her own in situations outside of battle and books. shes street smart. 

       “lone wolf keith”

now i know this was said to allura, and ill get to that. but if the keith vlog showed us anything, its that  hes not just a moody loner teenager.  i am very guilty of this myself. i portray keith as a human disaster. we don’t know hen he was left alone, we don’t really know much of his story. i head canon that his dad left him to fend for himself but every month woul drop off food or money or something. i head canon hes terrible about taking care of his body. but at least i don’t call him moody and move on.  i give him a background to fill in the blank space, but sometimes i forget and focus too much on his folded arms and  pouty face. he smiles. he laughs. hes an actual precious bean.  but hes also afraid of being pushed away. hes guarded and does his best to be strong. he hides his feelings and protects his heart with everything he has. (geez boi who hurt you). he is not the human embodiment of “teenagers” by mcr. aka he has feelings too. not to mention he also got into the garrison, and was the top pilot regardless of how he got in, if it happened to be by recommendation like most people think. 

      “humourous hunk”

as a hunk stan this one annoys me the most. throughout the episode hunk is consistently embarrassed, and even protests the fart noises, fart jokes, etc. he is purposely tripped for laughs. the fandom forgets that hes not just the fat funny guy, or just the personal chef. hes overcome so much since babies first lion flight, he used to get sick, constantly had to be the voice of reason to keep his teammates out of trouble,  he is just as intelligent as pidge and is actually one of the only people that can keep up with her science stuff. keith and lance even stated that they didnt understand anything they'd said. hes a fantastic engineer even if he had a few tummy mishaps. hes an amazing pilot too, and extremely sassy. he and pidge probably rigged the game console to work in space, And hes pretty friendly and cautious. he is NOT meant to be the comic relief. (say it louder for people in the back)

     “shiro the hero”

a lot of the fandom has taken to calling shiro daddy, sexualizing him (”now put on this tight shirt”) and focusing on shiro and only shiro (shiros the “favorite character” of corans little show). hes great. he really is. and the man needs a break. voltron is a kids show. he isnt meant to  be sexualized, none of them are. hes more than his arms and his leadership abilities. the biggest issue i have with the whole shiro thing. regardless of if hes a clone, when shiro returned he cut his hair differently, and wore short sleeves. everyone i know, including me, said they'd be fine with the clone if he had kept his hair long and “as much as i love the arm view” and didnt change his outfit. its a kid show. his body shouldn't matter.i am also guilty of this, and ep 4 opened my eyes to it. coran lifted shiros arm as if to prove that thats what the audience really wanted. he treats shiro differently bc hes the real star here and everyone should know it. ofc, hes the black paladin. (i wonder where the whole “the black paladin is the only one who really matters here” mindset came from. looking @ u ‘84). shiros may have ptsd, and hes constantly trying to hold himself together for his team, and its obviously not easy. maybe thats why hes got a cute white floof. the stress. 

      alluras erasure  

another point that always bugged me. the fandom either forgets allura exists, or that she is just stealing lances place temporarily. Allura is the blue paladin. while keith is gone, she is not filling in. shes a paladin now too. for coran to call her keith, and constantly call her keith, even though she obviously has a few choice words to say about it, its distrespectful. she says his plan is working and he replies with “why thank you keith...i like to keep you in character” once again, erasing her existence. now im not as well versed in this particular topic, but id like you to keep in mind that he talks to his princess with that mouth, and that she IS the princess and not a fill in while keith leads. feel free to elaborate on this more. 

     coran “fires “ team voltron. 

this. i find extremely entertaining. remember that legal trouble last year bc of the leaks? and right around that time the klance shipper started threatening them if they didn't make it gayer and put keith and lance together? the  fandom, who wanted all of this to happen their way, were threatening to get it cancelled and such just because things didnt go their way. shiro, the leader, disagreed with coran and tries to shut him down. and coran in fit of rage says:

you're a bunch of quitters! quitters! i’m a visionary! i have thoughts, ideas, i dont need you anyway. ill rewrite the show, get rid of the whole lot of you, replace you with new paladins! and the show will be better than ever before!...except for you shiro, ill never get rid of you, you're our most popular character!

this is essentially what the fandom was saying. now, was this definitely their plan, to call us out with this bit, in not sure, but honestly, its almost too coincidental.

the writers have made it clear that they heard us, and have always been listening. and really, thats why i love ep4. you're angry because you know you got called out but haven't admitted it to yourself. the writers do their best to bring us the best show possible, but they cant satisfy everyone. why cant we just be happy about Actual Meme (tm) Matt, and look forward to season five instead of fighting them because we got our shit handed right back to us. weve gotten a  taste of our own medicine, so chill. i enjoy them keeping us on our toes, surprising us with every turn, theyre great writers.who cares if one or two things pissed you off? we both know youre not gonna stop watching.

[thexsisters]

2017

A lot has happened in 2017 for me. I started the year out getting incredibly sick and I had my first ever foot injury without being in any kind of sports. Haha. The month of January was awful. Let me tell you. But some of you know. Because you were there for me.

A few months speeding up to March and something really scary happened to my grandpa. Something that I wasn’t sure he could come back from. You guys helped me. Some of you more than others but what matters was that some of you reached out. Even if it was just once and only for a few minutes. Lord knows you all have your own lives too.

My grandpa is now nearly back to the way he was. It’s our miracle of 2017 for sure. I then went to the beach for the first time ever in May and it was a blast! I can’t wait to go to a different beach next year. As long as I don’t see any sharks because for real I may live in Ohio but sharks are my greatest fear, okay???

August started out as one of the most thrilling months of 2017 but within a week it became the worst month of 2017. I had been waiting to move out for so long and when I finally got my chance, I was played and lied to. Like usual. I think on some level I’m cursed. For reals. But anyway, August sucked. But you guys were there. You were. You got me through it.

2017 was also the year I finally learned what all the hype was about this group called BTS. I knew they were popular but I was just so hooked on VIXX that I wasn’t really ready to listen to anything else. And then I came back from my beach vacation in May and the Billboard awards was on. I was like “Oh cool! Kpop is making us proud with that BTS group!” And that was all it took for me to become a baby Army~

In the process of getting sucked into the fandom, I have met so many wonderful people! Army is a fandom that, like many, have good apples and bad apples. But I’m one of the lucky ones that have met nothing but good apples~ I’m very fortunate for that. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You guys put up with my Jungkook spams and BTS trash posts in general. Haha!

Thank you

@grxnadxs

Chrissy. My adorable turtle with the cute shell~ Sometimes I imagine us just chilling in your shell while you tell me about things like your book cause I’m a huge fangirl, okay? But not just your book, I often imagine us talking about life and how I wish I could do more for you as a friend. If I could tattoo any quote to your body, it would be the famous quote by Christopher Robin. “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” You fight so many battles in your life. And even when you don’t always win those battles, you never give up the war. That takes real bravery, strength, and smarts. Gosh Chrissy. You’re one of the smartest girls I know. But I also know how anxiety has it’s way of clouding those smarts. Turning us into mumbling stumbling sheep who’ve lost our way. But this year you’ve kicked some major butt, okay? You got a job! You stared your enemies in the eye and you said “F*** you.” You went to that job fair, you got that interview, and you got that job. THE Chrissy that I know can do anything she sets her mind to got a job! I’m so proud of you, girl. This is our second Christmas as friends and you’re forever one of my best friends. There are still many battles to be fought, but let’s fight them together, okay?

@fluorvte

Laura. My skanky skank. The Sushi Mama. Sadly I did not get to spend as much of 2017 with you as I would have liked. Being what I believe is 6 hours apart makes things difficult, I know. But of course we always make it work. Bless you and Chrissy for throwing me that birthday party. You guys know how much I loved our AIM chats. Sadly AIM is a thing of the past now. But at least we have the memories in our head and our hearts. That birthday party meant so much to me. You made time out of your busy life for me. That means so much. I miss you. It’s probably selfish of me to say but it’s true. I try to be okay with it. I know you’re busy. But you’ll always be my owl that watches over me. You’re still sitting on my desk with Chrissy. I have those stuffed turtle and snow owl on my desk at work. So that I have you guys with me always~ No matter how often we don’t talk, I know you’re always with me. Thanks for being such an amazing friend and an amazing writer. You never fail to blow me away with your writing.

@intoyxurheart

Where do I even start with you? Aigoo. So much has happened that it feels like we’ve known each other for years. In fact it feels so long ago that I barely remember how we first started talking. Isn’t that awful? Haha. But I do indeed remember me approaching you first. I had been checking the people who were following me but had yet to actually approach me. So I thought I’d hit you up with an instant message here on tumblr. And that’s all it took. Here we are now. Several months later and we have so many ships and it makes me feel fuzzy. You, Chrissy, and one other person are the only ones who put up with all my crazy ideas and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for putting up with that because I know my imagination can get pretty wild and out there. You are most certainly my blessing from 2017. Being strong for me so that I can be strong for my friends and family. I can’t tell you enough how precious you are. Don’t let anyone tell you any different because my opinion is the only one that matters. Haha! Let’s have many more Christmases together, okay?

@hyohyorp

Oh sweet pea I’m so sorry. 2017 wasn’t good to us and I’m so very sorry for that. Things happened and I was still trying to find my way with how I wanted to rp male muses and you were my guinea pig most of the time. But you really stuck by me. And I just want you to know how appreciative I am of you and all your endless patience with me. Our time zones make rping live really difficult but you put up with it anyway. I’m so proud of you for making your multimuse blog. I bet you’re having a blast, right? heehee It’s so good to see you having a blast and enjoying yourself. I knew you’d love it. And hopefully 2018 will be full of fun moments for Taekwoon and Hyosung~

@gcholdtrops

I’m squealing and flailing cause like I don’t even know where to start, okay??? You’ve grown to be one of my idols. I’ll never forget how our story first started. The first chapter was honestly me watching you pop up on my list of recommendations provided by tumblr. I’d click your blog and instantly start sweating because like um hello. You’re totally above me and like I just didn’t think I’d ever be able to be worthy of your writing. Like I totally believed I wasn’t worth being in your ring of writers. Everything about you is amazing and I just couldn’t. Too chicken. Couldn’t do it. But one day I got the fuzzy dice to finally approach you. And I’m glad I did. Because here I am. And I’m still such a fangirl, okay? You’re always going to be my idol. I’ll never forget that first meme reply. I remember reading it over and over again on my lunch hours at work. Smiling like an idiot and being floored every time I read it. Our cuties are so naughty and cute and gosh I ship it hard core. Seulgi isn’t naughty in her other ships but dang she channels her inner BoA when she’s with her handsome composer.~ Let’s always be rp partners, Army, and most importantly friends.

@butlersrus

Waaah~ I know we don’t talk much out of character but from what I’ve seen, you’re absolutely precious! In fact I know so little that I don’t even know if you’re male or female so I do apologize. But this is about the people who’ve touched my life and been there for me this year and you’re one of them. Whether I know anything about you or not. And you deserve to be recognized. Much like with the cutie mentioned above you, I kept watching your blog pop up in my list of recommendations. Sooo many times I’d click your blog and nibble my nails nervously because like dang what if you thought I was weird or something. Like what if our muses weren’t compatible. But wow was I wrong. Like I die a fangirl’s death every time I see Seulgi with Shownu because I keep trying to blow on the sails of the ship. Willing it to sail all around the Caribbean. Haha! I love shipping and I’m terrible at slow burning ships because I just want it to happen now. I want them to kiss now! Haha! Thank you for making my days brighter with our rping. I always have a pleasant morning because there’s a cute reply from Shownu waiting for me in my IM on tumblr. It’s a wonderful start to my morning routine. Let me tell you~ Thank you. For everything. Let’s continue to be rp partners and even friends. I’m glad I got the guts to approach you. Hopefully you are just as happy~

@abxavterno

Cutie! Thank you so much for expressing concern over my icky eczema condition. Honestly if I were to bandage all my other patches of eczema, I would literally look like a mummy. There’s one big reason I dislike winter weather and this would be it. Dry skin. But don’t worry, I just gotta make it to at least like March or April and I think it’ll settle down and clear up. Till next time. OTL Anyway! Thank you so much for sticking around. I know there for awhile we’d have mun conversations and you’d share your worries with me. I still really value that and appreciate that. You’re so sweet and I feel like I can approach you any time. You’re a good person. I hope you know that. And gaaaah. Our muses are so cute! I don’t know if it’ll ever be an official ship but I definitely ship shy Seulgi with sexy Eros. I like the rp relationship we have. We’ve had a few threads and even though a lot of them haven’t worked out, that’s not stopped us from trying new pairings and plots. I like that~ I can appreciate and admire that. Thank you. You’ve made 2017 very enjoyable. Let’s keep at it!

@terniox

Sobs sobs sobs. I miss youuuuu. You were one of the first few people to pick me up when life around me was ending as I knew it. You were one of the first few people to help me dip my toes into the idea of being multiverse. I still only really had Tiffany at the time but I wanted her to have other verses. And you dived right in with me. Our ship is the longest lasting ship on this blog and it’s always going to be special to me. I hope you’re well. I really do because I know I don’t see or hear from you as often. But you’re still important to me. So you deserve your spot here with all these other wonderful people. Because you will forever be wonderful to me in my book. Let’s continue to be amazing friends no matter how far apart life tries to keep us, okay? Heehee~

@viiifates

Hellooooo~ Another one of those cuties who I don’t really talk to out of character but you’re still so wonderful to rp with! I like our plot. I honestly don’t know much about mafia plots no matter how many BTS mafia fanfics I read but haha! I promise I’m still having a blast no matter what. I have always wanted to dip my toes in the type of plot we have going on so it’s a joy and an honor to be able to rp that with you. I like how rping is casual and enjoyable while still being thrilling all at the same time. Thanks for putting up with my tumblr IM rping style that I’ve seemed to take quite a liking to lately. It’s so convenient and it’s still just as fun! You’re a wonderful rp partner and I hope we can also be good friends too!

@darksideofseoul

Ah sweetie pie! Thank you so much for being such a wonderful, understanding sweetheart. I was kinda sorta losing it and going out of my mind with panic the last time we spoke and I do apologize. I probably seemed so irrational. Apparently that’s what happens when eczema, stress, and coming down with a killer migraine falls upon you within two weeks’ time. I really do enjoy all our little threads we have going on. I’m glad we didn’t give up. BoA and Donghae are sooooo OTP material. heehee~ She’ll die if he ever proposes. haha! Thank you so much for being a wonderful rp partner. But not just for what you do within the rp community, but also what you do outside of it. You risk your life every day and I will always admire that. Stay strong and be safe out there, okay?

@dashdasxorphans

My fellow Ohioan! Congratulations on your wedding! I bet it was absolutely beautiful and hopefully you had lots of fun on your honeymoon~ Thank you so much for rping with me. I know it’s not something that happens often but I still enjoy every second of it. I never take it for granted. Your Leo was one of this blog’s first verses when it was still just Tiffany. Our muses have been through a lot and came a long way. I’ll always treasure the memories between our muses on this blog. You helped me learn what it was like to be multiverse so that I could one day become more confident in what I was doing as a writer and a mun behind the muse. Thank you. You’re wonderful and I hope you’re doing well!

@luminxscent

Sweet pea! I miss you bunches and I hope you’re doing well. I’ll never forget all that you’ve done for me. You were there when I was in so much pain. You managed to stay neutral while helping me piece myself and BoA back together. You know how much that means to me? When I was so sick that I could have physically puked. You were there. You were there. And I know we’ve had our ups and downs. But I think that’s what makes some of the greatest friendships. The strongest friendships. We always manage to gravitate back to each other. Through thick and thin. Thank you. I keep my pink haired Hongbin photo card at my desk and every time I look at it, I think of you. You gave me so many gifts and I wish I could give it back to you doubled! Please take care and never forget that you can always come to me to talk about anything~

@paperhecrts

New cutie friend person! Heehee~ You’re already turning into a partner who’s gonna fly with any idea I throw at you. I can tell. Thank you for embracing those crazy ideas and shipping with me from day one. Literally. Like I can tell we’ve got great chemistry as writers and I sure do hope I don’t annoy you with my out of character messages in tumblr IM. I get awfully paranoid when I realize that tumblr might not be sending my messages through. Seulgi and Baekhyun are just such OTP material and I’m excited for Tiffany and Jaebum. I love the rocky, unstable aspects of our two ships so far. It’s fresh and new and doesn’t scare me because I know in the end it’ll be okay for them~ I’m excited to see where they go in 2018!

@hvllelujah

Sweetheart! I sure hope you’re taking care of yourself. Color in a Hello Kitty coloring book for me, okay? Heehee~ I miss you and I really truly do hope you’re doing well. I know the last time we talked, you were getting life figured out which honestly is a full time job in itself. Remember, any time you wanna talk or need someone to just listen, I’m here. Our rping hasn’t exactly been a thing and once upon a time it really upset me but I’ve tried to grow up and be a big girl about things like that. Especially now that I’m gaining perspective and know how hard it is to keep up when all you wanna do is focus on other things. I’m sorry I ever made things difficult for you. I hope you can forgive me. I just really loved your writing and I wanted to be a part of it. But having matured over time, I really do hope you’re taking care of yourself and doing what’s best for you~ You be good, okay? Heehee.

@xvrwxrld

Whines I hope you’re taking care of yourself, sweet pea. You know how much I worry about you. Overworking yourself or living in conditions less than healthy. Stay warm this winter. I wish I could mail you a bunch of blankets. My grandmother made me a ton that I could give you. We’ve had our fun moments though, haven’t we? Time and schedules always seem to get in our way of rping. But I’ll never forget what you told me not too long ago. How you enjoyed my muses and thought they were wonderful. That’ll always mean a lot to me and I still blush like an idiot over it. I often worry that my girls are too....out there and weird. Haha. So thank you for taking the time to admire each one of them. I’ll always treasure that. One day we’ll get to plot and rp. I don’t know when, but it’s gonna happen. Count on it!

@avtvmnwings

I miss you, dear. I hope you’re okay and enjoying life~ Hopefully life is treating you well. It’s been awhile since we last spoke but I still think about you and I still try to watch over you from afar. We’ve had a lot of fun and exciting rps though, ne? You’re a great writer and I don’t ever want you forgetting that. Our out of character conversations were always enjoyable and heartfelt. I treasure those moments because you were able to open up to me and I appreciate that. More than you’ll know. You take care of yourself, okay? Be good and stay strong. You’re doing a wonderful job. Heehee~

[sinewho]

No.6 major fic rec list

Hello people:D

It seems 2 (two) human beings might be interested in a recommendation fic list. SO HERE IT IS   Things to have in mind:   .It was supposed to be short but I ended up mentioning 97 fics, sorry   .I used 10 categories (highschool, college, modern setting, Kingdom / Fantasy Au / Magic, Miscellaneous Aus, Post-series, canon, reunion, Life Swap and Gender Bend) . Links in bold are fics that are definitely a must. You MUST read them because of how good they are, I tried to highlight 2 or 3 in each category and rating, so you can go to those first   .The rating of the fic is next to the name for easy choosing. Plus some small commentary I added on my favs. .Have in mind that some of this are not finished and a pretty large amount might be abandoned, but read them anyway because they are still great   .There’s a little list at the end with my favorite authors, I would recommend everyone to read ALL of their work, but some of those works might be in other categories. . Feel free to reblog with your own contributions!! I definitely need more awesome fics to read :3

Keep reading for the long-ass list

High School:

Reminiscing on the Past, Looking Forward to the Future (Not Rated)

Shion was digging through a box when he found a small teddy bear and note that Nezumi had given him, many years ago. He reminisces on the past, and decides to finally let Nezumi know how he felt. 

My Gypsy Boyfriend (Not rated) This is MY FAVORITE hs au, go for it, no regrets guaranteed

Shion is drawn to the new kid. Nezumi is both beautiful and intriguing. He's also a gypsy, and a loner that most people avoid...But Shion isn't most people. He’s a persistent airhead who won’t take no for an answer. 

locker notes (Not Rated)

Shion and Nezumi are in their last year of high school with unspoken crushes that only come to light when Nezumi slips a note in Shion's locker. 

shall i compare thee to a high school play? (Not Rated)

Shion is Romeo, and Nezumi is Juliet, and maybe it's just a high school play, but Shion means every single one of his lines to his best friend and only hopes he can keep his true feelings disguised as an act. 

that one where nezumi's an idiot and shion has a cute laugh (G)

“Literally all I wanted was some fucking Doritos.”

Love All, Trust A Few, Do Wrong To None (T)

Shion is the perfect student. He is currently attending a prestigious academy and leads a comfortable, quiet, ordinary life with his mother and best friend in Lost Town. However, a mysterious and dangerous transfer student lurks on the horizon, and little does Shion know his life is about to be turned upside down.

Re: 2 a.m (T)

To: Nezumi

Sub: Sorry in advance

Sent at 1:44 A.M.

Are you awake?

Eyes only for you (T)

This is a world where people are born with two different colored eyes, one is their natural eye color and the other is their soul mate’s natural eye color. When a person makes eye contact with their soul mate, each person's eyes lose their soul mate’s color and become a pair of their own natural color.

Melodic Minor (M)

Rock Band AU set in 1997

School Bells (M)

In an AU Nezumi is a third year who goes to a rich boys school where he aimlessly waits for when he can leave. When he meets a mysterious boy with red eyes named Shion he thinks, maybe, he has something to look forward to everyday.

Meet Me At The Stage Door (M)

Theatre geek Nezumi doesn't think he'll enjoy watching ballet. Boy, is he wrong.

The Rat and Red Eyed Boy (M)

Shion didn't expect for this year to be any different from his others. He had always been the 'weird' kid and got teased for the red mark that traveled along his body. Little did he know his life would change after meeting a certain boy. Nezushi high school AU where Shion's scars are also sensitive to touch.

College / Roomates

drunk and smitten (Not Rated)

Really just a drabble - Shion breaks into Nezumi's apartment in the middle of the night, completely drunk and thinking it's his own home that he's let himself into. 

no more nor less (G)

Nezumi has decided to confess his feelings to Shion after Safu suggests he should. He meets Shion in the library to study Shakespeare, and...?

In Which Shion Is Found To Be Gay (G) soooo cute omg

Exactly what it says on the tin.

I Might Just Love You!  (T)

Nezumi was the first to bear witness to his roommate's dilemma. He knew this was going to be an issue-Not everyone was capable of knowing a beautiful sight once they've seen one, and Shion surely was a beautiful sight, but nonetheless. No one ever said dealing with an infectious disease as a college freshman was going to be easy. Luckily, Nezumi's there every step of the way.

Roommates Before Lovers (T)

Shion needs a place to stay while attending university, and who better to room with than Nezumi, the kid he remembers from that bus ride all those years ago? But things in their apartment don't go as smoothly as expected, because both are hiding secrets about their past from each other, causing things in the present to get...complicated.

The best laid plans (T) ok listen, this fic is great ITS SO GREAT

In which Shion doesn’t know how to meet people, and Nezumi is a Shakespeare snob. Also road trips. 

A college Journey (T)

Nezumi and Shion are randomly assigned to be roommates in their first year of college. Their first meeting goes pretty roughly, but romance soon develops between them. But will it be able to last through the tough times ahead of them?

College Clusterfuck (M) 

Shion's a stoner. Nezumi's a drunk. Inukashi understandably kind hates them both. (High)jinks ensue. College AU.

More than Enough (M)

The lives of Nezumi, Shion, and their friends in college. Or, just another NezuShi College AU with too much fluff.

Corruption (M)

"You're going to be fun...to corrupt." Nezushi AU. Street musician Nezumi, college student Shion.

Who said college life wasn't fun? This is a ongoing series of at lest 14 works -as of today- rating from G to E and my favorite college au, for real, its great. Please read it. PLEASE READ IT ITS AMAZING 10/10

Just one week had passed since the first lectures and already he had two assignments due for the next week so that meant that there was only one place for Shion to go, the library.

Modern Au / or more things that are not precisely high school or college

You are My World (Not Rated)

Have you ever loved someone with a fierceness you didn't know about until something happened that made you realise just how much it would affect you should that person be taken away from you? Shion was just about to find out what that felt like. 

Smile (G) (13 y/o cute dorks)

Shion won't smile properly with his braces and Nezumi notices. Middle School AU.

Paperback Lover (G)

Nezumi doesn't visit the local bookstore for the cute white-haired boy that works there. He's only here for the books. No, really.

Dance with me (G)

All it takes is a club and a lot of alcohol, and Shion becomes a regular Casanova.

MotherTruckers (T) nezumi is a mean trucker, how great is that?

Living in Alaska is difficult for recent college graduate Shion, especially considering his degree's emphasis in... plants. But when he stumbles into a job as an ice road trucker and finds himself partnered with a grey-eyed man named Nezumi, Shion decides maybe Alaska isn't too bad after all. Nezushi, Trucker AU

Im in love with my Bodyguard (T)

The year is 1947. Nezumi had just gotten fired and is given a job as a bodyguard.But who does he need to protect? and who is this Shion?

Our Day In Summer (T) Super lovely, full of fluff

Shion is stuck in a monotonous job as a simple company employee, and has no real aims in life. One day, he meets Nezumi, a street musician and aspiring artist, and things in his life begin to change.

Codex (T)  (trans!nezumi)

Shion finds a rat in a bookstore.

Any Helpful (T)  (trans shion and trans nezumi)

Safu is asked for assistance by Shion. She ends up helping Nezumi too.

The Visitor (M)

Shion was just about to leave him. Not for good, but at least to teach him a thing or two. The only problem is, he's sure they can reconnect after the accident damages his lover.  

Empty Fantasies (M)

Eve is the best drag queen in Tokyo. When Shion is dragged to his show for Safu's birthday, he finds himself drawn to the man. When they keep running into each other, they can't shake the feeling that they've met a long time ago.  

A time for everything (M)

Shion will never fall in love again. 

All the Pretty Little Animals (E)

"Shion is dragged by his friends to a strip club. There, he meets Nezumi (bonus for drag!)"

Kingdom / Fantasy Au / Magic

the lost prince (Not Rated)

The royal family was massacred 15 years ago, but the kingdom has always held out hope that the lost prince would return. Meanwhile, Nezumi has been acting strange, and Shion isn't sure why his best friend of 14 years keeps giving him these looks that escalate one night to more than just an expression Shion cannot explain.

three wishes (Not Rated)

Shion finds a genie's lamp, and when he rubs it, he's more preoccupied with falling for the cranky genie that comes out than making his allotted three wishes.

Evening Song (G)

A continuation of the centaur AU for all you perverts out there who wonder how Nezumi and Shion are gonna get together even though Nezumi is a centaur and Shion is an elf. Written in the style of a classic fairy-tale by Andrew Lang.

A Centaur Named Mouse (G)

Nezumi is a centaur. Shion is a wood elf. They are dorks. Kissing happens. It's cute. The end.

Yes, your majesty (T)

There once was a king. There once was a prince. There once was a curse.  Now there once was a mouse. Fairytale 

darkness as it turns into light (T) (harry potter crossover)

Safu always says Nezumi appositely asked the Sorting Hat to put him into Slytherin, to better uphold his bad boy looks and his look-at-me-in-the-wrong-way-and-I-will-take-your-eyes-out attitude. Most of the time, Shion can’t but agree.

The Prince and the Rat (T)

 Shion is a prince in a castle, waiting to be rescued, Nezumi is the handsome knight in shining armor, Safu is a sassy tag along friend (like donkey), and Elyurias is an overprotective wasp mother. (The Shrek AU nobody asked for)

cognitive dissonance (M)

A strange night in the rain at twelve years old was the beginning to a future Shion never could have imagined. A future which involved foreign promiscuity, betrayal, dogs, love, loss, and a whole lot of bravery.

Ghost (M)  (OMG SO BEAUTIFUL AND SAD)

Shion can't remember how he died and Nezumi doesn't want him to. Everything seems fine until a plague is mentioned and Shion becomes determined to find out. Will it bring them closer together or part them even more? ... Song fic, but actually it's more of a poem but yeah, hmm character death?

i begin to understand why god died (M) the angel thing is really cool

I was human when my heart was stolen by him, and I was human when I longed to be by his side. This fact won't change, no matter what name I decide to give to these feelings.  --It was sometime around 1,200 A.D. when he met Shion. 

Be Cruel to be King (E) The best kingdom au, 71k words full of fluff and some fights and great things haha

In the kingdom of Seis, King Rikiga rules cruelly. When he takes a former baker as his wife and makes her queen, her son Shion is named as heir to the throne, with one ultimatum; become a good leader before he turns 18 or be banished to"West District" to live forever in poverty and exile. Sadly Shion has no idea how to be cold hearted like Rikiga, but he meets someone who can help.

Miscellaneous AUs

books and mind reading (Not Rated) From all 27 Danielle’s work in my opinion this is the best, full of angst and fluff. Top 5 best fics ever for sure

Shion can read minds, an ability more overwhelming than he was prepared for when he moved from his small hometown to the city for university. In the city, he meets Nezumi, whose mind is much different than anyone's Shion has read before. Shion breaks his own rule by telling Nezumi he can mind read, intending on never seeing the man again - an intention that, of course, does not quite pan out. 

The Dead Horse Shanty (Not Rated) 

"Oh, poor old man, your horse will die, we'll drop him down to the depths of the sea. We'll send him down with a long, long roll, where the sharks will have his body and the devil have his soul." Nezumi, pirate ship cabin boy, is unprepared for the addition of a hostage onto his to-do list. He is even less prepared for the raging storm that will maroon them on an island together.

their wicked minds (T)

Shion is a Senator in the Intergalactic Imperial Senate, and Nezumi is a bioengineered super soldier assigned to be his bodyguard.

The Forest of Tranquility (M) 

Shion, a young ecologist, is allowed to leave No.6’s protective wall for the very first time in his life. During his research the young man rescues a silver-eyed beauty, unaware that this fateful encounter will hold him captive in the core of the Northern forest. “You shall not leave again!”

Courtship Rituals (M) 

Nezumi is a courtesan in the West Block, Shion is a student from Lost Town who conveniently loses his way and gets caught up in Eve's graces. She offers him possibly the most memorable moment of his life, and he's so close to giving in, but Eve is too much for an innocent Shion to handle. But can a relationship blossom between two that are so different?

Post-series

On the Clock (Not Rated) 

Post-series bakery shenanigans. Warning for general offensiveness on Nezumi's part. 

We Shall Dance Again (G)

A journey forward; a journey back. This was how Nezumi had changed.

Quietly (G)

In which Shion has a surprise for Nezumi and Nezumi plans for the near future.

Communication Breakdown (T)

[Post-series, post-hypothetical future reunion.] Shion has issues maintaining a work/life balance. Nezumi takes issue with these issues.

First Snow's Kiss (T)

After a fight with Shion, Nezumi sets out to make it the Christmas Shion always wanted.

Statistical Outlier (T)

[Post-series] Shion, sex, and statistics. And Nezumi.

Together (T)

Shion isn’t really sure how to act now that Nezumi’s returned. There’s time between them that won’t ever return, but he’s so glad to have him back. Domestic as hell.

Junior is curious (M) Funny and cute and sexy, this one has everything

"Ah, so you've seen them making a baby too?"

Shion's Birthday (M)

Nezumi has planned the perfect evening for Shion's birthday. It will be romantic, thoughtful, sweet, and most importantly, it will end in mind-blowing sex! Of course, even the best laid plans rarely go accordingly.

Good morning, Love (M)

All pretence of sleep was gone from his voice hearing the excuse Shion made to get up this early on a Sunday sounded ridiculous enough to get most of his attention. There was no way that Nezumi and their warm bed was going to be abandoned because of some damn sewer pipes. He was going to make sure of that!

nothing gold (M)

if Nezumi stayed.

Captivate (E)

"He pulled his brows into a frown and twisted in his seat to regard Shion with one slate-colored eye, noting the soothing, benign curve of his pink lips and how it was utterly belied by the stark heat in his eyes." In which Shion Insists and Nezumi is doomed to fail.

Étude (E)

"I'll show you," Nezumi grins. He disentangles his arms so he can cup Shion's head with both hands. "Again."

Still (E)

Nezumi decides to give up a little control.

To The Simple Two (E)

Shion has a proposal. Nezumi has a counter-proposal. Fluff and porn ensue.

Here's Everything I've Always Meant to Say (E)

There's a first time for everything.

In Knots (E)

Shion had never seen Nezumi wear a tie before.

Akame (E)

Stage Fright (E)

Sion lacks appreciation for the finer points of playing dress-up.

About Shion's topping and embarrassed Nezumi (E)

Little humor story from Nezushi daily life. It can be treated like a standalone story or part of my "Not Perfect" universe. It's about idea of Shion getting banned from being on the top by Nezumi.

Reunion

Chances and Choices (T)

After the fall of No. 6, Nezumi left Shion with the promise of coming back. After ten years, fate decided to let their paths cross once again.

Revolution (T)

Six years have passed after Nezumi's departure. Even though the progress of the Restructural Committee is like an untamed wave of changes and improvements, some people are unsatisfied and more than tired Shion thinks he has failed. Will he ever be able to look in these beautiful grey eyes again? Or will his guilt consume him?

Revolution EX: In a starlit night (M) (tecnically postseries but oh well)

It’s a starlit summer night. A busy one at that, since Nezumi and Shion move into the attic of an old ivy-clad red clinker house, which is completely surrounded by nature. What a perfect place to care for their deep, invisible scars the past had carved into their souls… A sequel to Revolution.

When Constellations Collide (M) (this is actually in evey categroy)

Everything felt easier in the dark, Shion thought. Now he was starting to understand why Nezumi preferred it. 5 + 1 times Nezumi and Shion share a bed.

Summer Days (M)

Four years have passed since Nezumi left Shion behind. Both of them are living a solitary live… Will they find their warmth again? - This is a story about hot summer days in the Western District. Reunion. Home, Sweet Home. And of course lemony boy's love!

The Sun in Jericho (M)

Ten years have passed since Nezumi left No. 6 at his back. He's seen much of the world and even found a place to call home, but his thoughts keep returning to a promise he made when he was too young to be making such heavy promises. So he decides, somewhat on a whim, to keep it. It's only to appease his conscience, of course; this decision has nothing to do with his curious inability to get a certain person out of his mind. Nothing at all.

No Man is an Island (M)

It's been 4 years, 22 days, 5 hours, and 21 minutes since the last time he kissed Nezumi.

Redeemed  (M) 

Their Five Stages (M)

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Where the five stages of grief become the five stages of reunion for Shion and Nezumi. Rated M for the last chapter. 

Not Perfect (M) I actually had to edit the post to add this one bc I FORGOT wtf is wrong with me I love this fic im officially the worst, however i dont think there's anyone in the fandom that haven't read it. SORRY DEAR AUTHOR 

 The four years passed after Wall fell. Shion is losing fight with his health and loneliness. Will Nezumi's return help him? It’s been said that life is full of ups and downs.

In Memory Lock'd (E)

I Loved Ophelia (E) I love this one, my favorite reunion so far

Some things are found where you least expect them. Shion and Nezumi are challenged to deal with their feelings for each other and live with the scars from their pasts.

And so we meet again… (T)

Incandescence (M)

Shion is drawn to sharp things.

Canon

affectionate (G)

Shion can’t be entirely certain on whether or not Nezumi is, or has ever been, affectionate, but he can say with confidence that he has a way to check.

Beside You (T)

Shion gets worried when Nezumi catches a cold, much to the other boy's annoyance.

but let's not talk of love or chains (M) This one is so incredible good, im not even kidding

Nezumi promised Shion they would reunite. He never said when, or how long he would stay. Five years later, he’s still figuring that out himself. Nezumi returns before he’s ready and finds that Shion has grown up without him – but for some reason, Shion still welcomes him back. In which Nezumi is forced to reconcile his conflicting fear and love, the pain in his past and the uncertainty of his future, and decide if freedom is worth the price of belonging nowhere at all.

Surrender (M)

Shion & Nezumi have a fight that leads to a very memorable night. Their emotional connection is so beautiful, I thought their physical one should be too. <3

The Most Beautiful Thing That Ever Was (E)

After everything has happened, we are left wondering what Nezumi and Shion's relationship has become. Nezumi has always teased Shion about being naively moronic, but what if Shion ends up teaching Nezumi a thing or two about the matters of the heart? And what about the way in which he presents his lesson?

Life Swap

In the Shadow of No. 6 (T)

No. 6 is no utopia. After twelve years suffocating under the city's constant surveillance, Nezumi is determined to escape. But just when he manages to crawl out from under No. 6's watchful eye, he finds himself the captive of a West Block terrorist group. 

Beyond the Shadow of No. 6 (T)

Continuation of In the Shadow of No. 6; a glimpse in the days of those left behind, 4 years later.

Fateswap (T)

Nezumi grows up in his village... sort of... while Shion is captured and taken to the Correctional Facility at a young age. How will events play out with the roles reversed? And what will happen to the third option? 

Fateswap Beyond (T)

The post-script to the Fateswap universe you've all been waiting for. Contains light smut.

Gender Bend

Inner Beauty (G)

It starts with a question that's innocent enough: "Can I braid your hair?" 

Small Mercies (T)

Rikiga dotes on Shion. Nezumi does not approve.

Behind Closed Doors (T)

Shion has no fashion sense. Nezumi decides it's time to go shopping.

Domesticity (M)

Shion makes hamburgers and fries, she's pretty tired of soup afterall.

Authors (with a lot of amazing works that Im to lazy to list)

Nezumiprefersdanielleovershakespeare

Enflashings

Triste

Ahiku

Secretagentfan

Elanra

Vox

There are some authors that I’ve read and loved but I cant for the life of me remember their name, I will edit this post if I remember 

I hope my long-ass list is helpful :D

[my-job-is-to-fangirl]

This is such a random post, but I watch a lot of youtube and it’s the best distraction/ way to pass time. I watch a variety of channels, and I’m subscribed to over 80 channels, and have about 1900 videos in my watch later list soooo :))) enjoy. No particular order but I’m doing 20 channels because 2020 (which needs to end right now). I’m going to link my favourite video of theirs as well, so you’ll have something to start with if you’re interested.

fashion and lifestyle

1. bestdressed

I already talked about her in my light content to consume while in quarantine post, but I’ll do it again. She is hands down my favourite youtuber. I had this phase where I was watching clothing hauls nonstop for some reason, and then I found Ashley’s channel. I couldn’t stop watching her videos. They’re fun, they have actual content, and she talks about stuff like how youtubers make money, and she gives the whole truth. Her fashion videos are so inspiring, I love her style, I love how she pairs things that you normally wouldn’t and her favourite word (say it with me, kids) juxtaposition of pieces that would ‘normally’ not be paired together.

She puts in so much effort into filming her videos, and even more into editing them. She doesn’t just do fashion videos, she does apartment makeovers, real talks, everything, but overall a fashion channel. I’ve seen her channel suddenly blow up and I think she had 500k or 600k subscribers when I started, and now she has 3.1 million :’) I want to raid her wardrobe for her thrifted pieces. Anyway, here’s my video pick(s) for her channel-

how to look cute when you’re out of f*cks

the ultimate guide to closet essentials

2. Yoora Jung

I wait for her videos more than any other channel, she just has the most relatable content because her days comprise of (other than her work, which is a lot) scrolling through instagram, watching youtube, snacking, rolling around in bed and procrastinating- I love her. Also her editing is on another level, all her intros are unique and fun. She can literally sit in a chair and talk about grapes for 40 minutes and I’d still watch. Also when she speaks in Korean, its the cutest thing ever.

I followed Jungkook’s workout routine for a week // getting fit with yoora season 1 ep 1

Waking up at 5 AM for a week in college    (she works really hard as you can see. I’d never have the motivation to get up at 5)

3. ohnonina

neeeeeeen < 3 Watching her videos makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Not to mention she gives a virtual hug at the end of every video :’) She does GRWM’s, k-pop, fashion, art, day in the life, studying and bullet journal videos. Everytime she hits a new 100k+ number of subscribers, she does a cooking with nina, those might be my favourite ones because she always does a korean dish. Also not really studying with nina I LOVE THOSE.

study korean with me but i actually study intensely | not really studying with nina 14

i made tteokbokki 떡볶이 (korean spicy rice cakes) | cooking with nina

4. ur mom ashley

She does fashion videos, but other content as well. She does thrift hauls, dressing out of her comfort zone type videos, and a lot of content with her siblings and boyfriend. Honestly, it’s a crackhead time when they’re around, especially her younger brother. She also makes what I eat in a day videos and I genuinely haven’t seen any other vegan person at least try to eat foods other than avocado and kale. She makes some nice recipes and eats good portions like a normal person, I really appreciate that.

what i eat in a week as a college student (vegan!!)

REVAMPING MY WARDROBE for 2020 (Princess Polly Haul)

5. Nava Rose

Firstly, I’d like to point out how much I love listening to her talk, I don’t know what it is but I love it. She has some great DIY videos, it is a DIY/ fashion haul/ hacks channel so ya. She does a lot of revamping/upcycling videos where she transforms men’s oversized clothes and makes them cute. I was very inspired by her and I did some myself! She has an amazing sense of style I wish I had some of her clothes.

50 WAYS TO STYLE DENIM | easy everyday outfit ideas!

6. Nuria Ma

She’s eighteen, lives alone some of the time and is possibly one of the hardest working people I’ve seen, juggling school and youtube. When I started watching her I think she just turned 17 and I was going mad wondering how someone could be so organized and put together at 17. She makes her own food- three meals every day, works out, studies for hours, does youtube, and what not. She’s genuinely amazing, also look how pretty she is.

KOREAN FASHION HAUL | Yesstyle

7. Erna Limdaugh

I found her channel only a few months ago, her videos are so calming and soothing to watch. She does a lot of day in the life type vlogs with her friends, morning/night routines and unboxings. She lives in Seoul that’s how I found her when I was looking for Korea content. Her fashion sense is amazing, and her cat, Yuri, is adorable *_*

A DAY IN MY LIFE – WHAT I EAT IN A DAY Life in Seoul | Erna Limdaugh

8. Jenn Im

I don’t watch her makeup and beauty videos because I don’t know much about makeup, but her vlogs, fashion, and book videos are great. I feel like she’s a wise older sister that I don’t have =p I especially love her cooking videos where she makes Korean dishes that her mom used to make. She has her own clothing line too, she does some promo videos and stuff, they’re cool.

What I Eat in a Day Easy Korean Recipes

9. Michelle Choi 최 혜림 (the seoul search)

She deserves so many more followers. Productive q u e e n. My friend and I are always discussing how the hell she can be so productive. She studies, does freelance design work, does assignments, cooks, does youtube, cleans, what is she?? Her videos make me want to be productive but instead I sit and watch more of them =)

(daily vlog) Finals Season: lots of coffee, cooking, + workspace tour!

food

10. Nino’s Home

Really yummy looking food, the babiest cat in a myriad of sweaters, and the funniest captions ever. No jokes, he’s truly hilarious. He has some really interesting recipes too, I think he takes from all over Asia, there’s a great variety of sweet and savoury.

Fried Milk Melt in Your Mouth

11. Maangchi

I legitimately call her maangchi aunty that’s how much I love her. Look how cute she is!!!!!! She has the happiest videos, they can brighten your mood in no time. Although many of her videos include meat, I still watch them so I can perhaps sub the meat for something else. She has a different headband/ head gear in every video, watch for that! I have tried three of four of her vegetarian recipes and I love them. I’ll link my favourite one, it’s become a staple at my house.

Vegetable Pancake (Yachaejeon: 야채전)

12. Pick Up Limes

Her videos are aesthetic, her recipes are easy, her voice can calm everything. It’s a vegan channel. I’m not vegan, I’m vegetarian so I can use her recipes by substituting whatever I want.

Cozy drinks to warm you up

13. Wil Yeung – Cook with Confidence

Also a vegan channel. I love his simple cooking and his style of narration. He doesn’t overdo it with the voiceover, he just says ‘medium sized pan’, ‘2 cups water’, ‘stir’. I’ve tried his gochujang and chili oil videos, they’re so good. I had to make do with what I had but still really good.

HOW TO MAKE CHILI OIL ***EASY 5 MIN RECIPE*** CHINESE HOT SAUCE

14. Zoe 조에

Her videos are so pretty to watch!! She works at her mom’s cafe so the videos are vlogs of that. They have beautiful desserts and drinks too. There’s always a montage where she shows their canning machine it’s mesmerizing xD

prettiest dessert cafe vlog on earth | Cinematography, Zoe, Blessroll (this was the first video that I watched)

Art

15. AmandaRachLee

Bullet journal videos, daily vlogs, productive days, organizing, doodling videos. I started bullet journaling in July 2018 and I follow her themes even now. I think I might have skipped two or three themes because I didn’t like them but bullet journaling is a huge part of my routine and I don’t know what I did before that. Also it makes me feel better about my stationery addiction when I watch her videos. She’s worse than me so I feel good. I love her stationery hauls.

Korea Stationery Haul! (HUGE Giveaway!)

16. cup of jasmien

The one and only art student I am subscribed to. She is SO talented, her paintings are great, but I appreciate her pen and ink pieces the most. Her videos are usually paint with me’s, a week/day of art school or travel vlogs.

before art school went online haha…

17. milkcloud

milk and cloud are two sisters xD They have painting videos, vlogs, lots of unboxings. Very nice to play in the background while doing something. Also they play k-pop piano covers for their videos.

finding joy in little things / a vlog

Books

18. BookswithEmilyFox

I watched a lot of book youtubers and she is the most honest one out there. If she hates a book she will say h a t e not put it lightly by saying it was okay. I read some of the books she recommended and I actually loved them, so I put her here because I can trust her reviews.

JANUARY BOOK HAUL 2020 + HUGE BOOKOUTLET UNBOXING! || Books with Emily Fox

Random

19. Banana Milk

This is so random but has provided me with several hours (minutes) of entertainment. She makes NCT crack videos they’re brilliant I swear. Please wait for the end of the video for the outro it’s the best part. Linked my favourite video.

Literally just NCT ruining twilight for two minutes

20. Buzzfeed Unsolved Network

Do I even have to talk about them?? I can binge their videos for hours, especially the supernatural ones. They’re freaking scary but I will watch them all. They go to real haunted places with their cool equipment (and holy water). I’ll link two of the ones that creeped me out the most.

Return To The Horrifying Winchester Mansion

3 Horrifying Cases Of Ghosts And Demons

    my favourite youtube channels (20) This is such a random post, but I watch a lot of youtube and it's the best distraction/ way to pass time.