#im probably gonna hold back from writing this for a few years till i feel more confident

[sci-bax]

[smolweeblets]

Yelena AOT X Reader fluff alphabet

A/n: Yeah im not dead yet, not my best work but i feel bad for leaving you guys for so long, i really miss writing, till next time 😭���️

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Affectionate in a soft, quiet, and gentle way. Like, this woman just goes up to you and snuggles you while you do your thing and just plays with something of yours, like your hand, your hair, or a piece of your clothing.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Super sarcastic and rough as a friend but of course has that soft and caring side when it really matters. She teases and bullies you (playfully, and if youre okay with that). Her favorite one is definitely calling you short. No Lena, we arent short, youre just an overgrown beanstalk.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

She actually does not like being too close when you sleep together, but always needs to have something touching you. Maybe an arm around your abdomen or stomach or you two holding each others hands.

Also, just silently plops next to you if youre doing something in your couch or bed and just sleeps there or tries to make menial conversation.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I feel like younger Lena (or, i guess the current one) is really focused on their job for a better life for the two of you but if youre still with her after a few years, she starts to reach her goals and cares less for working so much.

She just knows the kitchen basics, maybe has a signature dish that she always knows how to make well. Shes really nothing exceptional in the kitchen but she can definitely cook a decent balanced meal. As for cleaning, she doesnt do it much but when she does she does a whole deep clean of everything in the house. If you live with her I suggest leaving for a while because she enjoys working alone and she will be moving and messing up some of the furniture for a bit.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

If she knew it was coming, they would try to delay it for as long as she possibly can. She genuinely doesnt want to hurt you, but sometimes, thing cant be fixed and she has to do it. She speaks clearly and gets straight to the point. Comforts you for the time being and offers to stay friends. She probably will hate how awkward it would feel to be around you but she makes an effort, she still cares for you deeply.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Really takes a while, she doesnt feel the need to be married, she doenst really care for your titles or anything but she would probably do it for you and so other people know you are very serious with each other.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Usually gentle mannerisms because being rough and brash really isnt her thing. She does like to playfully wrestle sometimes though, and she isnt afraid to swat the back of your head of you said something out of line. Emotionally? She tries her best to be mindful of you, but she usually really isnt good at this sort of thing.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Only during like really emotional moments. Maybe something like gently cradling you after intercourse or comforting you when youre upset. Sometimes she wraps her arms around you and rests her head on top of yours when your both just standing idly.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Takes a while. She knows for a while but is scared to admit it out loud until shes super sure that its safe with you.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Doesnt really get all that jealous, if ever she does shes just quiet and brooding about it bust shes definitely gonna be noticable more clingy away from prying eyes. Its adorable. But please dont actually make her jealous shes gonna be sad.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Usually quick and they can land anywhere on your face. Can be passionate too of course, but likes to keep them short and sweet most of the time. She likes her kisses to be reciprocated, like, anywhere on her face as well. If you give her some unprovoked shell take a second to process then smile goofily and give you some back.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Shes actually pretty good around children, they vibe with her and she vibes with them. Doesnt see herself having ome of her own though, is aware of the responsibilities and stuff and its just too much for her. Loves babysitting though.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Groggy asf morning voice. It melts your heart.

Also doesnt feel like doing much of anything in the mornings, even talking seems like too much effort when shes just woken up but if youre still in bed with her shell pull you closer and you two just cuddle together for a while until shes ready to start the day.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

She is not a night person, but shes usually sillier and more vulnerable when you both are going to bed. Loves having pillow talks with you.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Ohohoh. She is the queen of being usually secretive then suddenly dropping a bombshell and you just stare at her dumbfounded.

You never knew she even had an actual family until she invited you to a dinner with them on a random night.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Patience of a saint but only when it matters. With you, when youre taking while to do something or when theres a good reason to be waiting then shell be able to do so for hours. But in small inconveniences shes grumbling and groaning to you about how the line is so slow, or the internet isnt working again or this man at work is getting on my nerves.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Remembers everything. She will know the name of your first pet you had to the name of one of your friends in first grade.

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

Definitely when she knew you reciprocated her feelings.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Super protective. Within reason of course but she constantly worries and fusses over your wellbeing and always makes sure that you are as safe and comfortable as you can possibly be. Her heart melts when you try to protect her from anything even though you know she is fully capable of caring for herself.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Not too much effort, usually a gift or maybe a schedule to go somewhere but she is literally the most thoughtful person ever. Like? Lena I dont even remember when I said I liked this but now that I have it I'm going to cry because I love it so much.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Has a tendency to go quiet a lot, especially through text. She just doesnt find it in her to reply or talk sometimes. Yoy can never tell if shes mad or if you did something if you dont ask. She can and has left you on received for days at a time.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Decently concerned. Like, she'll make sure that she always looks presentable and stuff but doesnt go out of her way to do any special routines or anything, just a good face wash and shes practically good to go. Doesnt do makeup, if she does its like super light you barely notice its there.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

For short trips when she knows youre gonna come back, shes decently fine. Misses you of course, but she’d manage. But if youre gone for good, shes going to hide and suppress how much she wants you back and just how big of a part of her life you were.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Shes a menace with weird/cursed food combinations. I cant think of any specific ones but I know some of the things she likes to eat should be considered a threat to humanity and what it stands for. She also offers you some. You politely decline.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

I think she doesnt like people who are unsanitary. She doesnt care much for looks but you need to be clean and practice basic personal hygiene. This is partly because she has a strong smell. Shes understanding if youre going through something like if youre mentally unwell though, but only if she already knows you and what youre going through. Otherwise she generally wouldnt be near you.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Not so much a habit but if shes not cuddling with you she literally sleeps like a corpse. Stiff as a plank and her hands crossed over each other on her stomach. You have so many picture of her when shes taking naps on your bed you giggle every time you see it.

[relativelydefected]

I havnt posted in awhile. I just keep finding myself in deeper darker holes every time I turn around. Just one right after the other. It gets tough to think about let alone write about.

My mom is in the hospital again. She passed out 3 times this week again. My dad told me his struggles with bringing her up the stairs. Picking her up off the floor of their bedroom cause she couldn’t get on the bed. Went to visit her she got up to get me something and fell again.. she had two cat scans done. She has to wear a heart monitor to monitor her for an irregular heart beat. They found she had a small brain aneurism in her head.. as well as a spot in another part of her head as well. Which may be the reasons she keeps passing out. The past two days she’s had nausea. Which might explain the things going on in her head.

I quit therapy. For the simple fact that if something is to happen to my mom. I’m gonna be a wreck regardless. So no amount of therapy is going to help me with that. And I’m not using that as a scapegoat or an excuse. It’s the fucking truth. I don’t care who tells me otherwise.

No amount of breathing exercises or coping mechanism is going to help me with this portion of my life.

The kids are doing well. My daughter is clueless as to what is going on and my son is slowly starting to take into an account the seriousness of the situation. He cried about it last week and all I could tell him is that she’s fighting this she’s strong and that we’re gonna get through this together.

Things I should probably say to myself but knowing the reality of the situation. It’s tough to think that way while at the same time trying to prepare for something that might be inevitable.

I havnt been to the bike path for the past few days due to having a cold and this bipolar New England weather.

I even bought a longboard. Just to try something new.

Havnt been able to fully try it out cause it’s either raining or I’m sick or my kids are sick and I have to be home.

Havnt been able to see my mom the past week cause I’m fighting off this cold that doesn’t want to go away.

On a more semi positive note.

I met this guy on tiktok we talked for two days before we decided to hang out. What’s funny is he lives right down the street from me..He’s a single dad I’m a single mom.. he has a good job his own place.. he’s younger than me and that’s a first for me but I thought why not give it a shot. Really cute.

Has a stutter but that is also really cute .. we are both gamers we both like studio ghibli and Star Wars. We went to the mall he was so nice and easy to talk to he gave he gave me a hug it was just really lovely. It felt good to be treated like a lady after 11 years of being treated like garbage..I definitely felt a connection. Then of course my own insecurities took hold and I think I messed up the entire thing. He seems like such a good dad and he has all these nice qualities but some how some way I always manage to mess up a good thing. That’s my life. It’s like I psych myself out every time. I can’t just let things flow or be. Maybe he’s not attracted to me? I don’t know..

He has a twitch I watch it, try to message but don’t hear back so not much I can do 🤷🏽‍♀️ think im just gonna stop messaging at this point.

It felt good to go out shop and have fun and not think about the crap going on in my life so for like 5 hours I was at peace for the first time in months.

Good things never last. They are rare but fleeting.

You’d think I’d be used to it by now but im not.

But I tried right? Even if it didn’t work out.. I can say I tried to meet someone and put myself out there.

But I also feel guilt about being happy. When everyone around me is falling apart.

Maybe when I go back to work it will be a distraction from all this. But I can’t go back till I figure out my daughters situation with school or whether i need to put her in daycare full time.

Cause I can’t do both and I have no one to help me in this situation unfortunately.

I’ll try to update more. If you guys have prayers I could always use them.

#depression #anxiety #terminalcancer #stage4cancer #breastcancer #mentalhealth #life

[yoshkeii]

"𝚄𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍."

࿐ character(s): Daishou Suguru, Atsumu Miya, Sakusa Kiyoomi

࿐ genre: angst

࿐ type: headcanons (hcs)

࿐ requested by: dumpsterfireinc

⌦ find the continuation here;-  “𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎.”

⌦ tw/mentions ; yelling, arguments, swearing/curses, cheating (atsumu’s)

⌦  male!reader (he/him)

⌦ 'can I ask for hcs for Daishou, Atsumu, and Sakusa having a really heated argument with male s/o. During the argument the boys say something really mean to their s/o that s/o starts to cry. Before the boys could start apologizing s/o just blurts out that he wishes he never met them and leaves.’

A/N: (i changed it slightly if you dont mind-) we got three new bois im writing for, lets hope i get their personality right. so i apologize in advanced if they seem ooc! (youcantellwhereihalfassedshitimsosorry-)

𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞:

→ the argument probably started with his slight manipulative personality and mocking sense of humor, it usually didn’t get to you but lately it has been hitting too close to home. letting it slide with the silence of your voice and change of mood each time.

→ coming back home you didn’t know it would evolve into this, but Daishou Suguru, your boyfriend of 2 years. noticed it and decided to question you.

→ the air was tensed within the shared home you two lived in, it was suffocating despite the room being open and wide. hearing the dark-olive hair male behind you, who was clearly speaking to you. hearing words that you couldn’t comprehend to be anything but venomous.

→ each word stung like a snakes bite. ironic for his previous school’s mascot.

→ Daishou had kept going on, stabbing at you word after word.

→ “You’ve been acting weird all day, what’s up with that?” “..even recently you’ve been off.” “hey are you even-”

→ before Dai could even finish he heard you raise your voice, seeing your hand clench around the doorknob of your guys’ shared rooms.

→ “WHY DONT YOU SHUT UP FOR JUST A SECOND!?” “ YOU..Y-you.. should damn well know w-why I’m acting ‘weird’ and shit, babe.” “You know those- those mocks and insults- you- you fucking call ‘jokes’ aren’t really jokes. Daishou.”

→ your eyes kept low with the casting shadow from the lack of lights in the hall. but the shakiness of your voice signaled something in him, but his stupid pride wouldn’t let down.

→ “Are you serious right now, y/n? We’ve been dating for fucking almost 3 years and now they get to you-” “..really ridiculous of you.” 

→ it went off afterwards. just the words being said at each other with such emotion, none of you have seen each other like this... well.. not towards one another. it was just foreign and strange.

→ “you’re such a sensitive crybaby, fucking christ y/n.” “and if those weren’t jokes, you’d still damn take it like nothing.”

→ freezing as soon the words slipped out from his lips, it grew densely silent. your hand slipping off the doorknob, gaze lowering down onto the floor. only focusing in on the shoes kept on.

→ “..h-hey, babe- i- didn’t-” Daishou realized the words he said, it may not be harmful to most, but knowing you. he knew you hated being called anything of the such, even the shit he decided to add made his heart ache with regret.

→ watching you hurry off towards the front door, to supposedly leave, he grabbed your wrist. before you whacked his hand away, 

→ “D-dont fucking touch me. I don’t w-wanna... fuckin hear it. Not now. Or even ever.” “..i should’ve never met you, i was damn stupid enough to think this will last longer with that- dare you did.” “..you probably never loved me.”

→ watching you slip off outside in the night, he didn’t know what to do. hands clenching into fists, as he heard your steps fade away and into silence. the air was more tensed, more suffocating. his mind was clouded with something unfamiliar to him.

→ ‘..how did he know about that.’ 

𝙰𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚞:

→ you always had a sneaking suspicion. you always did. that instinctive feeling ;lm, jn your gut that you should’ve trusted. it was dumb of you to push it away because of the hope you had. well... false hope.

→ you always caught him not at the spot after his practice, the usual spot. always questioning his team to know where he could’ve ran off, they all gave off a shrug and sometimes a slight assumption you followed. leading somewhere more secluded and hidden, to avail to not find him.

→ stumbling back to the previous spot you seem him slink his way at the same time from around a corner... or somewhere. waving up at him and happily greeting him with the usual smile and hug, you question how his hair looked more ruffled and messed up. as if hurried and ruffled up. Atsumu giving a silly excuse of whatever, you shrugged it off. continuing on with the rest of your days together.

→ this would continue a few times. but different things would seem off about him every time, and you took note. occasionally questioning again, before being shot down with an excuse. taking in it again just to not escalate things.

→ as time passed. you began to grow assumptions, noticing how distance he was becoming, having ‘plans’ already up which were not with you, and he often came home late from it. or not, and came home the next day. not even the morning.

→ sitting on the bed of your shared room, you stared idly at the buzzing phone on the nightstand. ‘..’tsumu’s phone is going off.’ as curiosity grew the longer it went on, your boyfriend was in the shower so it wouldn’t be too much of a harm right?

→ peering over to look at the illuminated screen, you blankly stared at the text messages. reading the messages word for word and slowly, ‘..who..’ 

→ staring at the messages and the sender, you knew it was someone who had a liking of your boyfriend... should you even call him that now?

→ swiping the phone from its original position you just watched the messages keep going till it stops to the recent time. you didn’t open the app, but just merely stare at the name. it had a cute nickname and all, similarly to yours. mind becoming hazy and clouded, you didn’t know how long you were staring at Atsumu’s phone till his raising voice snapped you out of the trance.

→ flinching as he snatched his phone away from your hands, you stared up at the fake blonde who had just gotten out of the shower simply wearing nothing but casual sweats with a damp towel hanging off his shoulder. 

→ “Hey! y/n why were ya’ staring at my damn phone?” his gaze was ironed onto you, meeting your [e/c] eyes. you could tell he was furious and he was getting ticked off by each silent second you let by. “not gonna speak? are ya braindead or something honey?”

→ seeing you softly mutter words but it was too quiet to hear, almost like a whisper. but besides the way it was heard, the words itself were not light and gentle.

→ “..why did you cheat..” 

→ a sudden jolt hit him, “..c-cheat? I didn’t cheat on ya’ baby, what are you talking about?” he lied.

→ “now.. you’re lying to me... ‘tsumu.” the softness of your tone was quite concerning, it was saddened and dismal. the building of tears daring to fall any second, you just stared at him with the distraught expression.

→ “What? I’m not ly-” before the fake blonde could slip out the rest of the word, you jumped in.

→ “You are LYING, Miya. Stop acting like you aren’t.” quickly standing up and moving to the side.

→ “How did you even know?” he yelled back, knowing it was worthless to keep up his lies and fake pretending.

→ “Those damn texts-??” you pointed towards his phone that his fist was holding. “..a-are you stupid?” the wavering of your voice made you regret speaking, but it was inevitable and shittier if you left your feelings unsaid.

→ Atsumu’s thick brows furrowed down, “Wait- So you’re telling me ya snooped on my phone?! The fuck is wrong with you!” “..can’t I have some privacy? can’t I!? Y/n!?” he snapped back.

→ “What’s.. wrong with me? With ME-? Miya..” averting your gaze for a quick second, you looked back as you poked him roughly, “..you have been.. been- fucking.. Cheating on me this whole time. A-and.. I know you have been-! Those times you’ve been slipping off after practice. you leaving off to ‘hang out’ with friends? What a fucking. load. of. bullshit. Miya.”

→ tears were dripping down from your eyes, before you bit down your lip for the next response. while the blonde could only stared in silence, conflicted.

  → “I-..I really thought you loved me, that whole time.. really did. and i was a damn fool to have such hopes.” you had hurriedly rushed off to leave the room, the quick muttering of an foreign phrase stabbed his heart.

→ “..i should’ve never met you either.”

→ he didn’t know what to do, but hearing the click of the front door opening and shutting accompanied by your running steps that faded. he knew you weren’t coming back. all he did was stand there in distraught, confusion, troubled, everything.

→ ‘what do i do now..’

𝚂𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚜𝚊:

→ he wouldn’t be the physical affection type person, but at times, you were an exception. knowing you liked to cuddle, gives hugs, and all that jazz. it often took a lot persuasion for him to get to cuddle whenever you had a chance too, having a schedule that often didnt mesh well.

→ so it wasn’t a big deal if it ended up into a confrontation about it, occasionally small arguments. but this one was unexpected, especially to you.

→ hearing Sakusa walk in your shared home, you looked over from your position in the kitchen. giving him a soft welcome home, asking “Hey, Omi! How was your day?”

→ “..pretty irritating.” he muttered from under his mask, pulling it down under his chin as he took off his shoes.

→ instinctively you walked over to hug him at least, but he steered away quickly. obviously denying it without a word. blinking at him, you took the sign and stepped away, apologizing softly under your breath.

→ you were having an off day yourself, some things weren’t going so well for you during the day till you got home. hoping you’d have some time with your boyfriend, wanting to cuddle and maybe a hug at least knowing how he is. 

→ “..I-..uh.. do you wanna cuddle after you shower or-” Sakusa interrupted you bluntly and rather quickly, “no.”

→ only biting down the rest of your words, you softly nodded. seeing him drift off into your shared room, supposedly gonna rinse up. sighing as you went off to do your own thing to wait, hoping he’ll feel a little better for the offer again.

→ he doesn’t.

→ raising your arms up to him as he walked out of the bathroom door, he doesn’t bat an eye towards you. making your heart ache slightly, “..omi? are you okay?” you began to follow him shortly behind into your bedroom.

→ “..didn’t i say i was irritated earlier.” he stiffly said, slipping on a shirt as he did.

→ “i-..i mean yeah but.. are you at me? I’m- uhh.. also having a bad day too y’know.” “i wanted to be with you.”

→ the air was dense. even if there was barely any physical aggression and irritation it would make you cower. as it settled down longer, Sakusa muttered something. it was so clear as day in the suffocating silence.

→ “you’re really so selfish you know that.” “..matches your clingy attitude.”

→ ‘he didn’t care. he didn’t.’ is all you could think of. it just rushed 

→ “..you think I’m selfish?” you repeated, your hands tightening around the edge of your long sleeves. nails almost digging into your palm. “do you really think that.” your soft and gentle demeanor faded quickly.

→ the wavy haired male turn to look at you, seeing your head and gaze kept low and averted from his. seeing your clenching hands, almost penetrated your own skin. instantly regretting his words. 

→ “y/n- I- really didn’t-..” stopping himself he sees the dripping tears fall onto the floor, then your sniffles.

→ “Just- just shut up. I n-need space..” already slipping pass and out the door, he went to go after you yelling out your name. seeing you freeze at the doorway, about to slip on a coat and shoes.

→ “..Sakusa. Just drop it. I don’t- wanna deal with this right now. You.. you made my.. day far worse.”

→ ‘he said.. my last name. not... not my first. shit.’ biting back what else to say, he stood there silently. watching you put on a pair of shoes before rushing off out into the cold.

→ silent fights and arguments is what scares y/n the most. it happens quite often but this was the most suffocating one by far, ruining his day. and his mind. letting the negative overwhelm him more. letting Sakusa’s word stuck in his brain on replay. 

[xsarcasticwriterx]

Wonderwall-part 2

Summary: Y/n find out something that changes the course of her relationship and life forever.

Pairing: tony stark x reader x bucky barnes

Warnings: angst and angst and angst, panic attack, swearing, some bitter sweet fluff,

note: I know its a weird change cause i went from she/her to you and stuff but i like writing you more than her so here we are pfft also i mention civil war but this story doesn't fit in the timeline it just fit for the scenario.

Wonderwall masterlist

You and tony sat on the ship with IVs being stuck into you. bucky sat next to you “hey... wanna talk about it? he ask softly. you shake your head. “not now not yet” you say with tears falling down your face. you had cheated on him. you cheated on the love of your life the person you'd been with for 3 years. Not only that but with someone who has tried to kill bucky on multiple occasions. Tony moved next to you. “Hey...” he said with a sigh. “Promise me we will never ever tell them about this” you say with a panic. he nods frantically. “that's exactly what i was going to say.” and with that you two spent the rest of the time in silence.

You sat in your room. It was 4 days after you got back. you felt weird and had been getting sick for the past few days. The others assumed it was due to your body still adjusting to being on land with consistent water and food. but you had other ideas as to why this could be happening.

Your hands shook as you paced the room. “fuck fuck fuck ok it'll be ok” you said to yourself. you walked into the bathroom and opened the pregnancy test box. panic was all you felt as you took it. you set a timer and walked back to your room. you continued to pace. what would you do if you were pregnant. what would you tell buck? what would you tell tony?! you two promised not to tell anyone. the timer went off. you put your head into your hands. “ok its probably negative i mean what are the chances” you say walking back to the bathroom. you heart was going at a pace that was scary. your whole body was shaking. you grab the test and flip it over.

positive.

you stared at the 2 lines. you felt tears fall down your face and your breathing become rapid. a panic attack that's what this was. you fell to the ground as your breathing became uneven. “no no no no no” you say getting louder. you curl up and feel your whole body shake. you try desperately to grab for every breath but its like inhaling nothing. you start to cough from lack of oxygen and tears. snot ran down your face. you grab onto your hair and scream into your legs. the door immediately opens and bucky rushes to your side. 

“hey its ok im here” he says putting his hand on your shoulder. “count with me ok” he says. you barely hear him it's like being underwater but you nod with what strength you have. “ now 1″ he says. “1″ you reply dryly your throat is dry and your lungs feel empty.

you two count to 10 slowly. you gradually catch your breath. the shaking stops and you feel more exhausted than ever. he pulls you close. “wanna talk about it?” he ask kindly. you look down seeing the pregnancy test and bucky sees it too. he grabs it and turns it over. his breathing gets deeper and he stands up. he walks back and forth and nods. “tony?” he ask with an angered tone. you nod. his nodding and pacing gets faster. 

he walks out the room. you stand up quickly and chase after him. “buck bucky don't” you say quickly seeing him walk towards the one door that would fuck up everything. he nods hard and fast. You feel the tears fall faster and faster. “bucky stop it!” you yell at him. Tony opens the door and immediately is met with a metal fist. “fuck!” tony says holding his nose. Bucky pushes him again which shoves tony down. bucky get on top and keeps hitting him. “bucky! stop!” you say going towards him you try to just pull him but that does nothing.ok next plan. you grab his shoulders “Stop!” you say using your powers. 

you keep pulling him and he does stop. he falls back into your lap. “you promised me you'd never use your powers on me” he says looking up at you. “i'm sorry buck” you say tears falling still. his head falls back onto your stomach. tony looks up at you his face bloody and beat. the metal fist definitely did not help. he looks at you confused. “im pregnant” you say to him. you see his eyes widen. “wha-what” he says shaking his head. 

“shes fucking pregnant with your damn child” bucky says trying to pull out of your arms. you panic and hold him with all your strength. “sleep” you say feeling him go limp in your arms. tony just blinks looking down at the floor. “your....” he says trailing off. his breathing gets deeper.

Doors open in the hall. natasha is the first to come out then steve. Bruce slowly emerges. Wanda and vision come out in a worry. Clint is the last to come out hes geared up ready for a fight. “what's going on?” nat asks. they see tony and bucky's bloody fist. “I thought we were past this?” steve ask in a panic. you look up at wanda and natasha. 

Steve takes bucky away from your lap and takes him to the main room and lays him on the couch. You stand up with natasha and wanda's help. vision,clint, and bruce still look concerned but less worried. “anyone gonna tell us what happened?” clint ask.  

Bruce hands tony a rag to put on his possibly broken nose. “uh let's go sit on the couch.”  wanda says leading you to the main room. bruce helps tony to the couch. “I should...” you say nodding to bucky. They nod as you slowly go to him. you put your hands softly on his head. “wake” you say and immediately bucky shoots up angry and tears edging his eyes.

“buck buck hey calm” steve says grabbing bucky's shoulders. Buck stares at steve angrily. “sooo?” clint ask sitting on the couch. nat and wanda sat down too. you were in front of all of them. “tony and I spent a month and a half up there.” you start off. everyone sits up more. neither you or tony had spoken of your time up there sense yalls return. 

“We saw no end and I was about to have a meet and greet with death himself. Tony was giving up his food and water to keep me going” you say looking down messing with your hands. “I don't understand why this led to bucky beating she shit out of tony.” Clint ask. “let her finish” steve said. “We got closer than ever and had agreed that there was no chance at us returning. We were desperate to stop the pain to just be with someone be cared for before the end. We slept together.” you state. bucky's breathing gets more rapid and his hands form fist. everyone starts to yell at tony natasha tried to silence it which only made her a target.

“Shut up!” you say yelling at them. They look at you surprised. “shut up before we end up with another battle and let me fucking finish what the hell i'm saying before attacking tony which by the way it takes two to tango so shut up please.” you say looking at the floor hands making fist. everyone turns to you and shuts up even bucky and tony.

“Now I am pregnant with tony child. Now before you all start yelling and attacking tony just try to understand the situation.” you say. “Understand the situation?!” bucky yells. steve tries to calm him. “no no just no ok. He mmm he saw her vulnerability and used it!” bucky says standing up and pointing at tony.

“Buck no that's not it he didn't do that. I saw a world without you with no one except me and tony on that stupid ship dying slowly and mercilessly.” you say feeling tears falling again. natasha stood up and walked to you. “I know your pissed as hell at tony and at y/n but right now” she points at tony “you are going to be a father” and she points at bucky “and if you stay, which i think you should, are going to be a step father so let's just try to deal with that right now.”

Natasha held you by her side. Bruce stood up “I’ll help it whatever way I can.” he said. “me too” clint said standing. “I will too” vision said standing. Wanda stood “You always got me.” she said with a small smile. steve looked at bucky then tony and then you. He sighed and stood up “you got me too” he said with a nod. 

you swallow “thank you all of you” you say softly then look to tony and bucky. “You definitely have me i'm not going to bail on my child just because its a complicated situation.” tony said standing up. bucky let a soft growl out. “buck?” you ask hesitantly. He looks up at you and shakes his head. He walks off and soon yall hear a door slam.

You dropped your head. “Give him time” nat whispered to you. you nod. she nods to steve and steve nods and walks after bucky. natasha takes you to your room nodding to tony who nods back and walks to the kitchen. sittin on your bed you look down at your stomach. there's a person in there well soon they'll be. nat sat next to you “how're you feeling?” she ask. “I don't know...Im going to have a child and it's not the child of who i always pictured it as. I broke the love of my life's heart and broke tony and I’s promise.”

“bucky just needs time is all steve is talking to him and i'm sure tony understands that you couldn't keep it a secret you two made that promise when you didn't know you were pregnant and don't worry you have all of us here to help and protect you.” nat said. “I’m an avenger...I had a father who used me as a testing subject and gave me powers i couldn't control till i was 17 how am i supposed to be a parent? Their father is a billionaire who is ready to die at any shot and their possible step father was born in 1917 and was brainwashed to be a murderer.” you spew out.

“you'll be ok we are all broken and a mess but together we can raise this child. I promise. We will figure it out” she says rubbing your arm. The door opens and in comes tony with a glass of water. “figured you could use this” he says walking towards you. nat looks at you and you nod. she stands up and walks out. 

Tony sits next to you. “i'm sorry” you say immediately scared of tony being angry. “no no don't apologize you had to say something its not like you could just avoid questions when your stomach grows.” he says with a chuckle. “y/n i want you to know i am going to be the best damn father i can be and if you and bucky stay together...because you and bucky will stay together i know he will have a huge role in that child's life and i'm so glad they get 3 parents who love them more than anything in this world. I will protect the with my life I will not die for them. I will live for them.” 

“Tony...” is all you can get out through choked sobs. you hug him holding him close. “thank you” you say pulling away “what about pepper?” you ask concerned. “I’ll tell her just need to let this” he moves his hand to the room “settle before any more people get mad” he says. the door slowly opens and an exhausted, messy haired, red eyed, wrapped hand, bucky opens the door. upon seeing tony he sighs.

“can I speak to her alone?” he says with no emotion. tony nods and walks past bucky out of the room. tony closes the door behind him and walks towards the bed.

he sits next to you and sighs. “buck-” you starts but he cuts you off “don't....let me speak” he says. “I am pissed as hell at you dont get me wrong...but i understand...you didn't see a possibility as being back here all you saw was death. I will be the best step father i can and the best boyfriend i can be. I am far from forgiving you but I still love you and I don't want us to end and this child is amazing news even if they aren't mine. I will be as much of a father to this kid as I can be and I will raise them as my own. I'm here for the long run.” he says looking at you. you smile and hug him. “I love you too bucky...thank you” you say. 

This journey was far from over but for now the world felt damn good. This kid would have 3 parents who love them more than anything or anyone in this world.

[citadelspires]

Amphibia Oneshot Thing(I Never Claimed To Be Good At Titles)

I had an idea for a fun little story thing while I was at work over the weekend, and decided to take the time to write it up into this. In all honesty this is ridiculously self indulgent, and I wrote it late at night with no editing, beta reading, or even just looking back over it once I finished. Essentially I wrote this entirely for myself and just threw it on here in the hopes maybe a few other people might enjoy it like I do. That’s all I gotta say up front so just, here you go. (this is a long one so most of the story will be under a cut).

Anne found herself wandering around a lot of parks these days. After all her time inAmphibia sitting around in her house only made her anxious, and the city was just dull. So she would sit in the areas with the most foliage, where it always felt the most comfortable. Like one of her old adventures could come find her any second. Like she could pretend her friends were just around the corner and surely if she waited just one more second Marcy would come tumbling out of those bushes, launching right away into a rambling speech about a new plant she'd found, the perfect mix of adorable passion and somewhat interesting information that would always make Anne smile.

She knew that wasn't going to happen. She'd known and tried to force herself to get used to the idea, but even as her miserable daydream was interrupted by the rustling of the very bushes she'd imagined, she hoped for a second maybe she'd imagined it all. She hadn't of course, and the boy who pushed his way out of the bushes was anything but her Marcy. Even so, he must have noticed her solemn expression, because he immediately walked over to where she sat with a look of concern on his face.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Anne was surprised by the question for a moment, then again, she realized, she probably did look pretty miserable, moping around in the dirt in a random park. She was tempted to give an offhanded reply of dismissal, she was fine and his concern was almost certainly just a polite formality. But she was never good at following through with all that smile and say Im fine stuff.

"I've been better," she sighed.

The boy in front of her frowned, and took a seat beside her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Anne blinked in surprise, not expecting that reaction. She took a second glance at the kid, wondering what his deal was. He looked a few years younger than her, probably about Sprig's age, dressed for wandering around the woods. He looked like a kid who liked an adventure, maybe that's why Anne felt like she might be able to talk to him. She couldn't say everything of course, god knows she'd need a full time therapist for all her turmoil, but maybe she could simplify it a little bit, dance around the truth slightly. Besides, the more she thought about it the more the idea of talking to a regular kid sounded nice.

"Well," she began, searching for each word and phrase carefully, "a while ago, me and my friends found this weird place. It was scary at first, and I was nervous for a bit, but after a while I grew to love it a lot. I think- I know my friends felt the same. It was a really magical place, but it, uh, well its not around anymore. And I feel like I left a part of myself with it." Anne suddenly became overwhelmingly aware that she had just poured her heart out to a random stranger, and probably sounded insane on top of it, "Ugggh I sound stupid, nevermind kid just ignore me, thanks for trying though."

She started to get up and walk away but the boy jumped up at the same time.

"Wait, hold on. I'm not sure exactly what's going on, but from the sound of it, I think I kind of get it. I've got a pretty magical place of my own, I can't imagine loosing it. I know it's not the same but, I could take you there, if that would help?"

Anne turned back to look, not sure why this kid was so eager to help, until she saw the look on his face. He just looked like a kid who wanted to help, just for the sake of being nice. In that moment he reminded her of Sprig again, and she couldn't help it, she laughed.

"Seriously? You don't even know me. You sure?"

The boy shrugged and smiled. "There's lots of cool people I don't know yet. And you seem nice. So," he reached out his hand, "my name's Craig, nice to meet you."

As weird as this was, Anne had seen weirder, so sure, why not. She took the boy's hand.

"Call me Anne."

---

As they walked Anne started to wonder where this weird kid was taking her. Sure “magical place” in her situation was fairly literal, but she didn’t think she was exactly in the most common position for a kid. Or really for anyone for that matter. Still, the boy seemed pretty excited about it, so she figured she’d give it a shot. Better than moping around in some random bushes all day. Who knows, maybe she could even get her hopes up a little bit there would at least be something cool out there.

‘Something cool’ turned out to be a tree stump. Anne wasn’t sure if the kid was serious or not when they first got to the clearing, but based on the way he jumped up on the tree base and spread his arms wide.

“Welcome to the stump!”

Anne stared at him for a few seconds, not sure how to respond. Before bursting into laughter. She just couldn’t help it. There had been so much buildup, all for, apparently a regular tree stump. Craig crossed his arms and spoke up.

“Hey, I know it doesn’t look like much, but you haven’t seen anything yet, watch this!”

Whatever he was about to do, though, was cut off by a battle cry and a flash of orange hair flying at Anne from the trees. It was pure instinct, really, when Anne dove behind cover of the stump screaming,

“It’s an ambush!”

She realized her mistake a few short seconds later. Ivy Sundew literally could not be here. So, with no small amount of hesitation, she peeked over the edge of the stump to see a small girl pointing a homemade sword at her while trying to cover up a pouting expression. Anne could vaguely make out the girl muttering under her breath about how “noble warriors don’t ‘ambush.’“

“So, uh, are you gonna put the sword down orrr...”

Anne trailed off as the girl gave her a weary glance and muttered something about ‘intruders.’ It was at this point that Craig, who seemed to have tripped and fallen off the stump in the chaos, also poked his head back up and called out,

“Kelsey, wait! She’s with me!”

The short girl’s demeanor changed immediately.

“Oh, cool! Hi Craig, hi new girl, sorry I attacked you, I thought you were a devilish intruder.”

“Don’t worry about it, I get randomly attacked a lot, it happens.”

The girl, Kelsey, apparently, looked over Anne again, a thoughtful expression on her face.

“You do? Do you need a heroic guardian to protect you?”

Well, Anne noted, maybe this girl wasn’t so similar to Ivy after all. Though she still got the feeling the two of them would get along exceptionally well. She gave Kelsey a grateful smile, but shrugged off the offer.

“Nah, I’m good.”

Kelsey nodded, seeming to finally relax, though she did pause for a moment and stare off into the distance, though to Anne it seemed more like she was probably just gazing into the depths of a random tree. She gave Craig a curious look, but he only waved it off, apparently this was just how things worked with Kelsey. Noted. When she came back down to earth Craig was waiting with a question,

“Where’s J.P.?”

“Oh he found a butterfly and then chased it into a mud puddle. It was close though so I went on ahead.” Her tone of voice suddenly changed into a much more dramatic one. “He and I both had our own battles to fight.” Before immediately going back to her normal one. “But he should be right behind me.”

Sure enough it was at  that moment another boy crawled out from the foliage outlining the clearing. This one already in a considerably messier state than either of the kids Anne had met so far. He wandered over to the stump, repeating the tale Kelsey had just told them, this time with a much higher focus on the mud puddle. He didn’t seem to notice Anne at all until she cleared her throat and waved hello. The boy, J.P. she assumed, immediately jumped with an exclamation of surprise.

“Relax J.P. she’s cool.”

Anne was a little pleased to notice this reassurance came from Kelsey this time, and didn’t miss the way Craig nodded in agreement.

“She was off by herself so I thought we could give her a tour of the creek.”

That last bit caught Anne off guard, just a bit. Up till this point she had just been assuming Craig had took her here to see the stump and his friends. She wasn’t sure how much more exciting one creek could be, but after all her time in Amphibia she wasn’t one for making too many assumptions about that kind of thing. Turning her focus back to J.P. she noticed how he looked her up and down with squinted eyes, before seeming to focus on the leaves and sticks that had (again?! seriously?!) gotten tangled in her hair, and nodding sagely.

“Good call Craig! I like her style.”

As J.P. immediately began to inspect the ground for his own leaf, which he immediately deposited snugly in his, much shorter, hair, Craig waved Anne over to the stump, where he’d rolled out a large piece of paper.

“This,” he announced proudly, “is my map of the creek!”

Anne wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but a fully detailed expansive rendition of what must have been a really large area of land, complete with notations of inhabitants, activities, landmarks, and literally anything else one could find to write down, had not been it. She gave a low whistle of appreciation. Man Marcy would’ve loved this.

Craig beamed at her show of awe, allowing himself a pleased, “drew the whole thing myself” before asking, “So, where do you wanna see first?”

---

After that, Anne was pulled around the creek to all sorts of locations, each one more intricate than the last. There was an entire colony of kids in these woods, a civilization even. Even on Amphibia she had never seen anything quite like it. It was wild, and, kinda cool? The more she saw the more she started to get what Craig meant. The whole place had its own feeling to it that didn’t quite mesh with any of the surrounding area. After a while, she was even able to push (most of) the weight that had been on her shoulders for so long to the back of her mind.

Which wasn’t to say that her time in Amphibia left her completely. In all likelihood it was more inclined to have already made her a primary target for whispers and gossip to all the kids there. Though she never would’ve expected it before she’d gotten flown away from earth so long ago, she was kinda an expert at being in the woods now. Though she did slip up once or twice. For one dangerous moment there she was mortified that everyone would think she was insane when, upon being shown to the trading tree she had casually remarked,

“I don’t see why you need a whole place to trade for snacks when there are so many perfectly good bugs to eat out here.”

In her defense, she also preferred a good bag of chips over tiny dirt critters, but what could she say, she’d gotten used to a lot of weird things. While her immediate first reaction upon the words escaping her mouth had been to play it off as a lame joke(especially considering the way all the kids stared at her, some in horror, some in awe, at least one clearly wondering to themselves why they didn’t think of that first, the clearing totally silent save one kid who apparently didn’t get the memo and loudly exclaimed something Anne thought sounded like “my candy!”) her backup plan ended up being totally unnecessary as J.P. just started laughing, confidently proclaiming,

“I told y’all, she fits right in here”

And sure, maybe that made Anne smile just a little bit.

After that they had a few more people to meet, including a few girls prancing around a big open field, one of whom blushed slightly as she informed J.P. that she liked his leaf, to which J.P. gave a cheerful giggle and a thanks. (Anne considered it one of her foremost signs of character development that she didn’t break out any magazines as soon as they got back to the stump). But eventually things started to wind down, and the trio of friends, along with their new straggler, made it back to the little home base.

Anne took a few minutes to discuss the finer points of exploring woods with Craig, who had been eager to talk about it since they’d gone out earlier, while out of the corner of her eye Anne watched Kelsey do mock battle with an imagined enemy.

“You know, my little brother is much better at this stuff than I am, maybe you’d like to meet him sometime?” Though she’d posed the question to Craig, she didn’t bother to wait for an answer, as she saw Kelsey perform another made up sword move, and something occurred to her. “Hold that thought.”

Walking over to Kelsey, Anne continued to watch her form, confident enough based on where she was swinging and where her eyes were trained on that she had a pretty good idea of what the fake enemy the other girl was fighting might look like. Eventually she offered,

“You’re pretty good, but if you’re fighting something that much bigger than you, you’re gonna want to switch up your strategy a little bit.”

Without waiting for Kelsey’s reaction Anne grabbed a stick off the ground and performed a demonstration of a few moves she’d picked up in Amphibia. Though sword fighting was never something she had expected to be proficient at, she couldn’t deny that at this point she’d picked up a decent amount of skill. Once she’d finished her quick combo demonstration she turned to where Kelsey was standing, a little surprised to see a look of pure awe on the younger girl’s face, before she shouted,

“YOU KNOW HOW TO USE A REAL SWORD??????”

Anne grinned sheepishly at her excitement. “Uhhh, yeah, a little bit I guess?”

She’d barely gotten the words out before Kesley was on her, begging her to show more moves or better yet, spar with her. Anne waited for the tirade of excitement to slow down before smiling and offering,

“Sure I guess I could, but honestly my little sis knows way more about this fighting stuff than I do. If you want someone to practice with she’s your best bet. I could bring her out here some time, if you’d like.”

Kelsey’s excited nodding was interrupted by an instrument Anne couldn’t quite place, and suddenly the smaller girl’s shoulders fell in disappointment, before immediately perking back up again.

“That’s dinner, but you can bring her tomorrow! I’ll see you then!”

She waved goodbye as she rushed off, as did J.P. though with considerably less rushing, leaving just Anne and Craig, who seemed to also be on his way out. Anne figured that was just one more of the natural ways of the creek. As he left, though, Craig paused for a moment.

“I’m not sure where your special place was, but this is a pretty good one for a lot of kids here. I hope you had fun, I know we did. See you around Anne?”

Anne could tell the last bit was phrased as a question, and she paused to think, if only for a moment. Sure this was no Amphibia, and sure a lot of the stuff that had happened since Craig had tumbled out of those bushes was pretty weird. And maybe she did feel a little guilty that she was off playing around while her friends in Amphibia were, well... But still, for the first time since her birthday, Anne had gone one day where she actually felt like the 13 year old kid she was. Sooner or later she could blow their minds with magic powers and frog siblings, but for now, she was just Anne, she was just a kid. She gave a grateful smile.

“See you around, Craig of the Creek.”

[ikemenshakespeare]

Theo X MC

Prompt: When the two get chosen to work together for Arthur’s birthday, you know things are bound to go wrong. You two get in a disagreement and like clock work, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!

Authors Note: This is my May submission for one of my discord chats creativity contests! Proud of what I did since I haven’t written in a while. This is also my very first attempt at writing for IkeVamp and I’m still new to the game so be nice. I hope overall you enjoy my work! Thank you to all who support!

Word Count: 1,365

Comte gathered all the residents to the dining hall, all except Arthur of course. “In honor of Arthur’s birthday this year I’d like to host a dinner for him in the mansion, with all of us in attendance. It’s gonna take team work between everyone to keep it a surprise from him, so I’m gonna present you each with a task to help make all this work.” One by one he explained what each person would be responsible for, Until finally he got to the both of us. “And that leaves you two,” Theo and I made eye contact across the table. Neither one of us looked thrilled. “I want you both to work together to find Arthur a birthday cake. I thought since Theo is close to Arthur and MC is such a fan of sweets, it would be no problem figuring out something he might like.” Before I could even say a word, Theo was already speaking up.

“How is it that everyone else gets to do there task alone and yet you’re forcing me to work with hondje?”

“Im sure I just explained that a moment ago.” Theo was clearly still frustrated. Not wanting to argue his point any longer against Comte, he fell silent with a crease between his brow. “If no one has any further questions you can all get going, I’ll see you together again in a few days for the party.” Everyone else dispersed except Theo and I. I walked over to where Theo was sitting, he stared at me quizzically. I stood my ground as I spoke.

“Listen, I know you don’t wanna work with me on this just as much as I don’t wanna work with you. However, Arthur is both our friend and we have to do the best we can to make this a great day for him. So give me some ideas and I’ll go down to one of my favorite bakery’s in town to make an order. We won’t even have to meet up again till the day of the party to pick it up. Agreed?” He sighed in what sounded like defeat.

“Doesn’t seem like we have much of a choice, so agreed.” All to quickly the week had come and gone, and the day of the dinner arrived...

The streets of town were undeniably busy and the box for the cake was quite large, I could hardly see over the top while I carried it. Theo stood beside me, asking me way to many questions. “So did you settle on a regular strawberry cake or something else?”

“Something else.”

“And What would that be?”

“Tiramisu, it’s an Italian desert made with coffee. They sell it here so I figured we’d try it, besides Arthur will probably like it more then any other regular dessert here.”

“I can’t remember that being one of the options I told you about.” Not wanting to go back and fourth any further with him I was relieved to see the carriage just a few feet ahead.

“Oh thank goodness!” I rushed over and to my surprise Theo opened the door for me. I stared at him thoughtfully. “Well I certainly wasn’t expecting that.” I laughed. “Knowing you I thought you’d make me struggle to open it for myself.”

“Shut it, hondje.” Just as I was trying to pull myself up into the carriage he stopped me. “I think I’m gonna take the cake home, I wouldn’t want you ruining it on the way there, you’re to clumsy.” He tried grabbing it from my hands but I held onto it firmly as possible, given the circumstance.

“I’ll be fine, I wanna hold it a certain way to be sure we don’t bump it on the ride home.”

“Honestly, don’t be so stubborn.” He rolled his eyes and began to pull the cake out of my grip.

“Theo! I said I wanna hold it. How come you’ll never let me do these things for myself?” I pulled back and gave him a look. In return a look of irritation flashed on his own face.

“Won’t you just let me help you!” He pulled back on the cake for the last time. Because it all went flying to the ground. We both gawked at it while all the other people nearby in the streets did the same to us. Anger swelled up in me.

“Do you see what you just did?? Now we lost the cake because you just couldn’t let me do one simple thing!” I couldn’t handle the embarrassment before I rushed myself into the carriage and hid my face in the palm of my hands. Slowly Theo followed in and the carriage left at a brisk pace. Quite a while went by, but neither of us said a word until we were about to pull up to our destination.

“What are we going to do?”

“WE aren’t going to do anything. I’ll just have to make a cake by scratch in the kitchen. I still have time so it should ready to go by dinner.” I stormed out and off to handle business. The strangest thing began to happen though when I got up there. Halfway through making the cake my eyes began to sting and my mind began to take a detour reviewing all the things that happened earlier this morning. I sniffed and one single tear began to form in the corner of my eye, I continued to mix the bowl. Theo really wasted all the money we put into buying Arthur that nice cake... I paused and guilt began to flood through me more then before. Who am I kidding?? Really it was my fault, I just couldn’t stop being so controlling when I shouldn’t have been. It wasn’t even Theo’s fault. As much as I don’t wanna admit it he was only trying to help and I pushed him away. Why am I such an idiot! Overthinking would be the death of me, but I had a feeling it was nesscary in this case. I dropped the mixing spoon and put my hands down firmly on the counter top, trying to find my resolve. I’ll just go apologize first. To my surprise I went to turn around and in the door way stood the very person I was just thinking about. “Uh Theo... I-” I hardly noticed that the tears I was holding in had barely slipped out, leave two wet marks going down my cheeks. I brushed them away quickly and tried to go on.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so aggressive with you back there. If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t be stuck doing extra work.”

“N-no!” My outburst made his eyes go wide. “It was my fault, I was being way to controlling and you had a right to be apart of this to. Arthur was your friend first after all.” He looked down at the ground and when he looked back up he had a funny kind of smirk on his face.

“You know, we don’t always have to go back and fourth about everything.” He walked up and got so closed to my face. I wasn’t sure if I felt uncomfortable because of his close distance, or bashful because it was him. I felt a small blush reach my cheeks.

“Theo, what I’m trying to say is I apologize too. I really was wrong.” Then he did something I never would have thought. He grabbed my face and wiped at the tear I must have missed. Then he stepped back.

“Well come on now, don’t be a lazy hondje! We have work to do.” Then Theo resumed making the cake where I left off. A certain feeling crept into my chest and I wasn’t sure if I liked that or not.

“H-hey! That was my job!”

“Find another one.” Weird, I couldn’t help but smile to myself. I guess some things will never change between us two.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Fall Back to the Jet

Summary- Bucky x Y/N (Steve, Natasha, and Sam features) Cap tells you to fall back to the Quinnjet, but you decide on another option. Lucky Buckys close by. Warning- Violence, swearing. Written for @hopingforbarnes​ 250 Writing Challenge. Congrats!!!! Prompt is in bold italiacs. 

Word Count- 1.9k

It was all going smooth till Steve spoke directly to you in his com “Y/N, we have it from here, fall back to the quinnjet” 

You were still the rookie although its been a year, and Steve was the Captain, No one defies the captain, except for you. You eyed the open doorway the hydra agent just went into, taking a deep breath as your resolve settled, you werent going to sit on the quinjet any longer while the rest cleaned up. Ducking into the dark doorway, you stalked down the stairs while hearing your name being yelled at in the com “Y/N, I TOLD YOU TO FALL BACK” Sorry Cap, not this time. 

There are times in your life you maybe regret a decision, this was one of them. You thought the room was clear, sweeping your sights back and forth from the other end of a rifle, when there was a clip to the back of your head, knocking you forward and stupidly dropping your gun. “You Mother Fucker!” you yelp, and turn to face your opponent, twisting your head slightly to knock out the kink he put in your neck. He was well over twice your size, his meaty hands flexing to get around that slim column of your neck, you could see it in his eyes when he lunged at you, side stepping around him with a kick. It was like bouncing your foot off cement and didnt phase him much, smirking at you as he came at you again. “SHIT!” you state as you start blocking and trying to attack back. 

“Bucky you got her?” Steve hissed as they barged into a lab and Steve threw up the shield, blocking the barrage of bullets aimed at the two men. 

“Yea I got her” Bucky ducking behind the shield and once in a while lifting behind from it and aiming his own specially trained on targets rounds, he twisted away and went back out the way he came, using his vibranium arm to slam open doors to see them empty. “Come on Y/N, where the hell are you?” He snarled, until he heard you cussing out someone and the shallow sound of flesh getting pounded on. He hoped that it would be you doing the pounding, but when he opened the door, that certainly wasnt the case. 

Bucky came into you looking twisted around the mans arm, and him slamming you down into the floor, doing your best to keep your head from being bashed in, attempting a kick into his face, his throat, just about anywhere to get him to release his hold. Blood ran down the side of your face from your scalp and your words were flying just as much as anytime youve ever been pissed off, regardless of the situation. “If you dont let me the fuck go you dick wilted asswipe, Im gonna rip your balls off and stuff them down your throat.” If Bucky wasnt scared as hell for you at the moment, he would have rolled his eyes at you, once he realized the way you were being flung back and forth wasnt gonna allow him to take a shot, he shouldered the weapon.Close attack it would be 

Without another pause, Bucky strode forward, his strides wide and his metal arm slammed into the hyrdra agents side of the head, jarring his hand to open wrapped around your neck and you fell to the floor from a considerable height,snapping the back of your skull against the cement with a sharp cry. Rolling away from the two men clashing like titans above you. Bucky was shorter in stature then the hydra agent was, but much more quick on his feet, as well as being a super soldier, it wasnt exactly a fair hand on hand fight. Within minutes the agent was merely blocking the bone rattling blows Bucky was issuing, you were crawling across the floor to where you dropped your weapon, sitting back and putting it to your shoulder, waiting to get a clear shot.

Buckys silver hand wrapped around the back of the mans neck, the plates clinking as he tightened pressure and swung him around right in the aim of your shot, you lining hydra right up in your cross hairs, and pulling the trigger. Barnes turned his face away to keep from getting splattered from brain matter and blood. Loosening his hold, the hydras body, minus the top of his skull, collapsed with a dull thud. You lower the rifle and wince, placing your hand against your head. “Bucky... he got me pretty good.” Your vision going in and out at the moment. 

“Jesus Christ Doll” He hisses as he sidesteps around the body and goes to you, his hands cupping your face to look in your eyes. “Can you focus on me?” You blink a few times and wide eyed stare right at him best you can. 

“Hows that?” You question, grinning stupidly since your just glad Bucky got there in time. He frowned a bit and sighed, wrapping you in his arm to get you to stand. 

“Steve, I got her, Im taking her back to the Jet.” He spoke, not to you though and you didnt bother trying to get an answer. With his assistance, you two hobbled, less with sleuth, but with plenty of pauses for Bucky to check to make sure the coast was clear, the two of you headed outside. Sam was already in the jet, waiting on the two of you. 

“Steve and Nat are finishing up downloading the computer files, then they will join us. Come on Kid, I got a spot waiting for you.” 

“She had her head hit pretty badly” Bucky stated as you two followed Sam inside, going to sit you down, a wave of nausea threatened to upchuck whatever breakfast was, which what was that again? Oh yea, bowl of Wheaties, you remarking to Steve and Bucky this morning across the table. 

“Breakfast of Champs!” You werent exactly feeling like a champ right now. 

Sam looked you over to, prying one eyelid open, then the other. “I think shes going to be okay, but once we reach the compound we will be able to take a closer look.” Bucky settled in beside you and you pried them open once more. 

“Thanks for coming for me.” 

It was this moment Steve and Natasha returned, Steve snapping past you without acknowledging you at the moment. “Get us home Sam” his voice clipped, and Natasha plopped down next to you, her eyes brimming with worry. “Hey, we win some, we loose some right? You also got a hard head, I know.” She teased, having sparred and tumbled with you plenty of times. Steve stayed up at the front with Sam for the moment, but once he was sure you were okay, back home, you were most likely gonna get one of the famous Cap speeches youve seen him dish out to other agents. For now you were content to lay your head on Buckys shoulder, his hand resting against his knee, palm up. Without hesitating, you weave your fingers with his and he gives them a gentle squeeze. It might amaze others just how gentle he could be with that vibranium limb of his. Not you though. 

When the jet lands, you walk off, much more in control then before, but Bucky still hovers nearby and follows you into the medic bay. Quickly your head is checked over, a flashlight shining in your eyes, follow the finger, clean up the scrapes and blood. “Your gonna be dizzy for a few days, so nothing strenuous.” 

In this moment, you were okay with that. 

Steve came in, his demeanor still snapping in anger, but a touch calmer then before. He glanced at the medic and asked “Please, give us a few moments Ma’am, then you can have your patient back.” Bucky moved to take over bandaging the rest of you up as the medic left the room to the three of you. 

He looked at you, hands moving to rest against his hips as he seemed to asses you. “I heard your okay, Y/N. Good, you gave your team quite a scare.” You did have the audacity to look a bit sheepish, but felt the need to defend your actions. “I know, I honestly thought I had him.” 

“Thought, not good enough. Your still fairly new to the team...” This caused a look from you while Bucky patched up the back of your head as best he could. “So I think a bit more team building practices are in order Y/N. Until then, field work is off the table.” 

“What? Steve, come on.” You go to push Bucky back so you can stand up, but hes firm, firmer then you can give him credit for. “It was one mistake, I made a bad call.” 

“Yea, could have gotten you killed. Your always trying to think solo and you just cant. Were a team Y/N. We work together. Ive already made the decision.” 

You kinda gape as Steve turns to leave, fuming. You swear your heads going to blow like in those old bugs bunny cartoons where it goes off like a train whistle. “That son of a bitch just benched me. BENCHED ME!” This time you manage to move to a stand, about to storm off after Steve, but Bucky caught your arm and sat your ass back down. 

“Youve got to calm down before I can fix you up, Okay?” Bucky said calmly as he works diligently. His hands just as gentle as ever, you can barely even tell hes doing anything. You stay as still as you can, fighting back frustrated tears at the Captain benching you like this. Your tired and sore, your reaction just adding to your already bad day. “It was one mistake, one. I just hate always being told to go back to the jet when I could be helping you guys out. It was a bad call on my part, but fuck... I just wanted to be useful. I cant believe how bad this has turned into.” 

Bucky is silent for a moment before he pulls back and studies your face momentarily, and sighs. “Listen, I will talk to Steve, okay? Right now hes just being a dick. He will give everyone else crap about not following orders, but damned if he does.” You wipe at your face to get rid of the frustrated tears build up and arched your brows, hopeful. 

“You would really do that Bucky? If he says yes, I promise I wont mess up again.” 

“Course I would, and let me tell you, Steve wouldnt have listened either.” He went to pick up the tools and waste sitting on the table nearby, and scrubbed his hands clean. “Let him just cool off, hes probably speaking in worry as well Y/N. He doesnt always show it, but your just as much family as the rest of us.” 

Tentatively you go to stand, touching the bandages he finished securing gently and wincing. Without even asking he held out some aspirin that you popped immediately. “How about we go crash on the couch? You still owe me live commentary on that second little people going to drop some jewelry in a fiery hole movie. What was it again?”

This caused you to laugh. “The Twin Towers? Sounds good Bucky” 

@what-is-your-plan-today​ @official-and-unstable-satan​ @p8tn0lish​ 

[hermionegranger56]

ok lads its time for my breakdown of folklore, something absolutely no one is asking for but here we are!! this album. thIs ALBUMMMM. dear GOD. the intersection of my two favorite things, taylor swift and indie folk???? i feel like i’m dreaming. when she announced the surprise drop i literally burst into tears and evidently for good reason lol.

anywho here’s the thing. Red has been my all time favorite album for 8 years now. it holds such an important place in my life and i never thought anything she did could come close (though Lover almost did). but this. THIS IS BETTER THAN RED

the lyrical genius is unmatched here. taylor isn’t just writing songs here, this is POETRY. every song is nuanced, intricate, devastatingly beautiful, with words that’ll haunt me for a long time. and the fact that it’s stories, literal folklore, no longer just about her own life is incredibly creative and is executed so well for someone who has interwoven her life into her entire body of music thus far. folklore blends facts with fiction so seamlessly and is a true exhibition of taylor’s power as a songwriter.

and the vibessss!! from haunting heartbreak songs, to ethereal lost-in-the-woods vibes, to a comforting return to her old self, this album has everything. taylor is without a doubt one of the most versatile artists of our generation, having success and skill in multiple genres and folklore only solidifies this fact.

ALL RIGHT KIDS LETS JUMP IN

the 1: hell yeah explicit tswift give it to me lol you ARE on some new shit!! ok when i first listened to this i hadn’t read her statement about the other perspectives and i was about to RIOT about her and joe breaking up (like they could ever lol). this is such a catchy beat, such a casual?? look at such a painful feeling? a really good start to this album. the part where she goes another day waking up aLONE killlllllls me wow

fave lines: “in my defense i have none/for never leaving well enough alone”

cardigan: (don’t get me started on the mv it’s gorgeous) YES THE TEENAGE LOVE TRIANGLE suchhh a good concept!! the melody of this song is unreal, the chorus makes me want to scream it’s so beautiful, the i-i-i is SOMETHING ELSE. it’s crazy how just the melody makes betty’s pain so palpable, but so enchanting at the same time. it’s bittersweet and cinematic and i’m in love. PETER LOSING WENDY GOD. easily top 5 song here

fave lines: “when you are young they assume you know nothing”, “cause i knew you/ heartbeat on the high line/ once in 20 lifetimes i” “you drew stars around my scars/but now i’m bleeding”

the last great american dynasty: watch hill!!! her watch hill house!! i live near there!! oh i think this song is so clever and i love how it ties into mad woman as well as harkens back to starlight. i LOVE the way she ties her self in, “and then it was bought by me” like ughhh her mind? and its catchy AF

fave lines: “i had a marvelous time ruining everything”

exile: YOU KNOW HOW TO DO AN INDIE ALBUM??? BRING BON IVER INTO THIS SHIT!! wowww this song is haunting and is definitely the “i’m you but stronger” version of The Last Time. the overlap of both of them singing and their parallel lines are flawless. i could play this on repeat for hours and contemplate my whole existence

fave lines: “you never gave a warning sign/i gave so many signs”

my tears ricochet: ok somehow a track 5 with tears in the title is not the saddest song here but DAMN is it good. I love the visual of someone watching over their funeral and reacting. the music is stunningggg here. ALSO i am pretty convinced this is about the whole scott/scooter drama, like the lyrics fit so well? and she said it was the first song she wrote so the timeline kinda fits?? geniusss

fave lines: “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace”, “and if i’m dead to you/why are you at the wake?”

mirrorball: ohhhh this one is so pretty!! it just makes me want to dance around the kitchen with the person i love??? its comforting, ethereal, happyyy ugh i love it. I also think it could be about her relationship with her fans? like her music shows us different sides of ourselves idk? or just absorbing into a relationship?

fave lines: “on my tallest tiptoes/shining just for you”

seven: i’m gonna call this now: this is going to be the most underrated song on this album. it is STUNNING. POETIC. HEARTBREAKING. the music is so hauntingly nostalgic. and the lyrics, holy absolute shit. they’re a delicate testament to childhood, memory, and innocent love. it’s gut wrenching and i love it so so much

fave lines: “i’ve been meaning to tell you/i think your house is haunted/your dad is always mad/and that must be why”, “and just like folk song/our love will be passed on”, “before i learned civility/ i used to scream ferociously” ALL OF IT

august: and now we get the girl james cheated with’s perspective, which i think is great. its sunny, wistful and sad underneath all that beautiful production. when she slides from the chorus to the “back when we we’re changing for the better” and hits that “mineeee to lose” GOD, it just fills your chest. i feel like even if you never have, this makes anyone feel like they know exactly what a summer fling feels like. one of my faves

fave lines: “august slipped away/like a bottle of wine”, “cancel my plans just in case you call/ and say meet me behind the mall”

this is me trying: the slow pacing of this melody serves to show these EXQUISITE lyrics here. this is so intimate and personal and i feel like everyone can relate to this feeling of just trying to hold on and put on a brave face?

fave lines: “they told me all of my cages were mental/ so i got wasted like all my potential”

illicit affairs: ok all you need to know about this one is a) I’m obsessed b) this is the closest she has come to creating a bridge that makes me feel like the All Too Well bridge has, like scream sobbing in the car type vibe??? its unreal. and this song makes me feel that shitty feeling of: “this was supposed to be casual but oops its very much not” hmmm maybe that’s where the scream sobbing comes from hahah

fave lines: “don’t call me kid/don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else”

invisible string: this. THIS is probably her most stunning love song. like. i thought it was Lover. i was wrong. this one is confidently from Taylor’s perspective, about Joe and dear lord i want a love like theirs. and shit does this song put the folk in folklore, the music is so simple and gorgeous and harkens back to her country roots without losing this new sound she has. and the first few notes remind me of Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens so instantly im sold. this and betty are tied for my number 1, it’s just too beautiful

fave lines: “time curious time/give me no compasses/give me no signs” “isn’t it just so pretty to think/all along there was some invisible string/tying you to me”, “cold was steel of the axe that i had to grind/for the boys who broke my heart/now i buy their babies presents”, “hell was the journey/but it brought me heaven”

mad woman: FUCK YOU FOREVERRRRRR!!! yes taylor said fuckkkk ugh i LOVE this vibe, the revenge of the mad woman that the town cast out is so eerie and powerful, i’m obsessed. it ties back into the maddest woman of TLGAD and it feels like a spiritual sequel to The Man, the same feminist thread weaving through it. the lyrics are razor sharp and biting, i love it

fave lines: “and you poke that bear/till the claws come out/ and you find something/ to wrap your noose around”, “it’s obvious wanting me dead has really brought you two together”

epiphany: so uhhh THIS is the saddest song on folklore. fight me. the seamless comparison between wartime and the pandemic and waiting for some epiphany that could make sense of all the horrors surrounding the both. idk man, as someone who’s been a covid nurse since March, i just….this one HURTS. similar to Soon You’ll Get Better tbh

fave lines: “hold your hand through plastic now/doc i think she’s crashing out/and somethings you just can’t speak about”

betty: OH I LOVE IT WITH MY WHOLE HEART! this is such a TRIUMPHANT return to old taylor, it is so joyful but sad at the same time?? the harmonica?? the last part of the love triangle?? it sounds like Taylor Swift and Fearless all grown up and it makes me ache for back then, but love where we are right now. tbh the first time i heard this i sobbed through the whole thing just out of pure nostalgia. she’s back but at the same time she never left. this feels like a love song to original fans and it. is. incredible. my favoriteeee goddd

fave lines: THE WHOLE CHORUS BABYYYYY

peace: it’s gorgeous, especially the guitarrr ugh. this feels like delicate’s quiet older sister. i think it’s definitely about joe and how taylor, despite loving him, still has these insecurities and fears about what a relationship with someone in her position could be like? like there will be struggles, but he’s her family and she “would die for you in secret”. stunning

fave lines: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm”, “the devils in the detail/but you’ve got a friend in me”, “give you my wild/give you a child”

hoax: i’m surprised she ended it on a sad one (but we still have the lakes!!) but this song is hauntingly beautiful WOW. every line of this absolutely floors me. i think this one will also be largely underrated, but it is pure poetry and deserves so so much hype

fave lines: “stood on the cliffside/screaming give me a reason/your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in”, “it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark” “my kingdom come undone/ my broken drum/ you have beaten my heart”

ANYWHO TAYLOR HAS PRODUCED HER BEST WORK TO DATE AND IM READY FOR SAD GIRL AUTUMN

[pestopascal]

i remember when me3 came out i hadnt played the others but there were so many articles about the endings and they were referenced in other games too it was crazy so many people were angry

bioware hasnt had a solid fucking game release since me2. hands down. they poured so much as well into dao and me1 they have never been able to replicate it and it shows how badly they wanna do it again. like. they peaked. in writing in emotional depth in literally everything, and honestly the best marketing move theyve had in years is a remaster (ESPECIALLY of me1), bc if they wanna somehow pick up mea after saying its shelved indefinitely and “we’re not touching mass effect again” like... polish up me1, maybe implement stuff they got right in mea, clean up stuff, put stuff back in, fix the fucking saren glitch and sell. me1 was just. never done before on the western market. it was incredible. you cant deny the way it just took off. overshadowed jade empire BUT it rly was that kind of spooky space opera that hadnt been done before. me1 is a flagship game for bioware.

me3 however fell into the classic trap bioware has been playing with since da2 of making too many promises and not delivering. there were fucking petitions everywhere. im pretty sure they got taken to court even over the endings. and hell yeah people referenced the shitty red/blue/green endings in other games because it was the joke of the year for everyone. you literally reduced this series to a colour choice, and tried to be all “oohhh red is bad” at people like you hadnt just explained destroy was probably the best ending without violating bodily autonomy or turning into an intergalactic monster like. okey. did you read your own script (haha no no one read it apart from casey hudson and like three other people and the endings were only decided on like. weeks out from official release hahhahahahahah)

but that’s just the endings. all the promises before. all the cut content. and people looooove code diving like always have always will and boy. so much stuff was just forgotten. along with the original script to actually give the reapers some fucking excuse for rolling around every 50,000 yrs for a culling.

but i will say again, people who played at launch and those like. few weeks/months after do remember just like. the shit. how they released that extended ending dlc to placate people because they didnt want to admit they fucked up. like the original ending required an EMS score too high to get in single player alone. you needed to play online. OH but the moment you start online, your EMS will decay. so you either had to hold out till just before you hit earth, or keep on top of it like stop playing single player and play some mp. and THEN in the destroy ending with a high enough EMS shepard takes a breath. implies theyre alive right? nope. writers on twitter saying “it doesnt mean theyre alive” like why would you shoot yourself in the foot like that. and how the citadel dlc was literally just straight up an attempt to smother the remaining fires. it’s just. every fans wants (i mean i’ve come around to liking it but yknow. what the fuck it doesnt make sense). people who played well and truly post release have a different feeling and interpretation and i respect and understand that. and im happy those people can enjoy the game the way it is. like honestly and truthfully. me3 at release and for those following few months was just so clouded in all bullshit and statements and admissions and just. ok quite frankly thessia is a fucking piss poor attempt to try to make shepard sad, the child seen at the beginning is a useless excuse to emphasis shepards idk PTSD? ANYTHING? when the geth dreadnought sequence was RIGHT THERE to have a comment about fucking alchera, and also how shepard rly hasnt thought about body counts left behind especially considering torfan like they just???????? okey. you made your protagonist too op. you dont know how to handle it. this wasnt quite the way to do it.

“artistic integrity” is how they described the shitshow that followed, and i dont think i’m gonna forget that for a long time.

[abloomingperiod]

junmyeon as a bf

the softest of the softies

kim junmyeon is an old-fashioned guy

and i’m not saying that in terms of being conservative or anything, ‘cuz i really hope he isn’t

i mean in the sense of love

like you know that kind of person who dreams the whole picture

like

he dates for a reason

unlike other members, junmyeon isn’t the type to not think about the future

being a leader makes you like that

but this gets less harsh on him when u arrive in his life

yk that whole romantic comedy movie where a guy runs into someone and it’s this beautiful woman with the biggest smile and they fall for each other and shit

well.......not exactly your case

he indeed ran into you with an iced tea in hands

except you didn’t smile at him

you basically screamed “SHIT IM SORRY ILL PAY U BACK”

he got so flustered w your reaction like

this really pretty girl just offered me some iced tea”

he was all like nonononononoooo don’t say that it’s fine don’t worry aha

you kept insisting but were late for work so you made him promise to come back to that bakery the day after bcs he WOULD be paid back no matter wHAT

he didn’t feel the need butyou were cute and he wasn’t with a thick schedule so why not right

so yeah ofc prince suho showed up

the next day he entered the place and saw you

you were so pretty watching you crinkling your nose over the hot coffee in your hands was already a payback

a cute one

cmon he’s cringey give him a chance

you bowed at each other and he realized you didn’t mention for Once between the whole minute after the accident and his arrival abt his name or profession as an idol

which for him

was nice

not a big deal, but nice

after you gave him his iced tea he was so polite you actually smiled bcs ajshskjsks cute ?

and then you started talking for a while

you introduced yourself, told him abt your dream to become a writer someday and he !!!!!

okay junmyeon easy on the hearbeats you got it

he just thought of this as such a COOL dream

writing for a living

now he was like this pretty girl... is a poet

i know

lame

but he’s adorable so who cares tbh

he talked to u abt being an idol and how was the position of the leader

you listened to every word and even though you lost a fee of them along with the honey like voice and puffy cheeks of his, you loved hearing abt it

after like 2 hours he had to go bcs schedule

but before you parted your way you had to go to the bathroom

when you went pay for your payback iced tea, you hear a waiter asking “mrs y/n? i believe that for you”

no shit there was the waiter holding a cappuccino

you got like Dude. there must’ve been a mist-

you turn the cup and there it is:

“for y/n

i loved the iced tea but since my goodbyes were a little earlier i most definitely own you a payback too. how abt sushi? xx” and the waiter hands you a note with his name and number

and that’s how you started seeing each other

jun is a quiet person so he won’t be like vocal abt developing a crush on you more and more

it would b like

you guys would hang out sometimes

and little by little he would catch himself getting the heart eyes

like you’re at a coffe shop

you would get passionate talking about some movie or song and suddenly there’s a drop of coffee on the side of your lip. you didn’t notice but he did but he thought you looked so cute popping off about ur favorite music he would just sit there like,,, 💖nvm💖

and with those little stuff he would catch himself thinking yup they’re gonna b mine

so one day he went like soooo maybe i’m catching feelings i didn’t know this was happening sorry??? so i think u should know that bcs it’s abt u... i’m fancied by u i didn’t mean it to happen

like straight up he APOLOGIZED

FOR LIKING U

you were like goshkjsjksj so cute

and decided to play w him a little

“so you don’t want to like me” “NONONOOO THATS NOT WHAT I MEA-” “jk i got it i really like you too and maybe we could kiss to see what happens”

he combusted

so yeah you’re dating that’s what happened

so caring literally sO CARING

calls you on a daily basis when he’s away to talk abt the weather the boys his breakfast how much he misses you how he saw those flowers outside and it reminded of you or how he will bring you to that country when it’s vacations

he’s such a husband material fuck me

keeps notes of things you like so he can hit the high score on important dates

talking abt dates

fancy

i mean he’s bourgeoisie ofc it’s fancy

such a lovely boyfriend i’m actually sad

jun is restaurants with low lights, candles, roses and holding your hand while talking about how he never seemed to figure out the food app to find a cool place to go to so he just asked chanyeol with a pout on his lips

“you’re such an old man” “i’m simple it’s different”

on your 1 year anniversary he took you to a boat ride on a lake witha guy playing violin and wine and cheese waiting for you

simple my ass

keeps bringing coffee and flowers for you every friday night you get together bcs it’s your “tiny vacations” as he calls it

on weekends with you the only ppl he answers is either manager or a serious question from the boys/his family

and it’s always a short “yes” or “no” or “👍🏻”

fuck it he’s with his baby leave him alone

loves cooking with you

like fuck it if it’s not that tasty he just LUUUVES doing it with you

probably because he gets to hug you a lot

like you’re in the stove and he had already placed everything in its own place so he goes behind your figure, hugs your waist and places his lips on your shoulder to give you tiny pecks and praise your cooking

“junmy this is practically burnt” “you’re the best cooker i know”

once you guys were enjoying a whole ass week together and the last time you were together for more than a day were like 6 months before

you were so all over each other he went to do the same thing and you guys ended up making out in front of a precooked pan of french fries

long story short, your toasted it and only saw that coming bcs jun went to embrace your waist and his fingers touched the hot pan

“that happened bcs of you and your teenager behavior” “YOU COULD’VE MOVED” “I WAS TRAPPED”

so guess what you did after you applied some salve om his fingers

he was staring @ u all 💖💖💖💖💖

you were like ,,,what

he just shrugged and murmured “you’re beautiful”

that’s right

you fucked

not fucked in a Fucked way

yall made love

kim junmyeon is all about luv

i remember someone posting here that he probably fucked like white people and i-

that person ruined it for me

i hate yall

i will defend him till the end of time my boi DOES NOT fuck like a white person

takes it very seriously as he sees it as an opportunity to shower u with the love u deserve

on that day you actually convinced him you should do the hard work

HELL YEAH YOU RODE THAT BITCH

jun seems like soft dom for me like just bcs he’s in charge for most of the time doesn’t mean youon get to do a thing

that time as you rode him you got very like Very excited but you saw in his eyes how desperate he was to touch you entirely so you catch his hand and kiss his fingertips slowly

he kept smiling for you saying “god you are so beautiful” “i love you so much”

but you’re a little shit and always tries and bring his rough side out

so you open your mouth and lick his two burnt finger from the knuckles to the tips

he got so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not really a vocal guy

heavy sighs and low groans are it for junmyeon

very into dirty talk

but a fancy one

“does my baby likes it when i make her beg?” “look at me, love. do you want it from where i can kiss your back or your breasts?” “you’re mine to take and no one else”

we don’t support women treated as objects but this is a sexual environment and you’ve always consented him to say things like that in bed

he’s a gentlemen fuck it

once you were so horny you straight up said “i don’t give a fuck about formality just make me cum at least three times”

he got 😳 for a sec but got your point

not a rough lover but once you get in a fight

bitch

you’re both pretty mature ppl so every rare time you fight it’s very Very serious

will kiss you until your both breathless just so you can not even catch your breath bcs he will be kissing your neck and liking your skin

slaps your butt?

absolutely

a fucking lot

“funny how you turn shut the fuck up as soon as i lay my hands on you”

makes you strip for him

has a thing for watching where your bodies connect

call him baby and he’s got a 3 secs tops soft jun

like a little grin with puffy cheeks

and he’s back with the restless pounding

bathtub aftercare is a must

massages your feet as you talk sweet nothings for him

if you’re feeling feisty might get a romantic round two

loves doing it slowly so he can drag it to the point you get so hot and bothered you beg

“oh god- just please- jun, faster”

likes it when you rub his back after

get a shot of soft myeonie post-sex

lays in his stomach and quietly asks “can you”

you lay there also on your stomach and rubbing his back drawing circles and talking about life

once he got so full of idk emotion?? love?? idk never been there

he just poured a whole “marry me”

like dude.

“WHAT” “not today, like... in a few years maybe idk forget it”

he closed his eyes to dismiss your reaction and just felt a warm peck on his naked shoulder

“of course i’ll marry you a few years”

his eyes shot open like This woman. the loml. dead ass said yes to my hypothetical proposal”

he actually got emotional

“kajsksjsksjsk really?????????v

“yes really”

and there was a teardrop

you felt like dying

i mean I feel like dying rn

doesn’t say it but thinks abt having kids someday

and u know that bcs honestly it’s suho everybody just Knows that

his parents? ofc they know you

exo? absolutely sure they know you

“one day we’re gonna have a dinner on like christmas with my family and yours” “baby they don’t even live in korea” “i don’t care we’ll pay” “STOP”

really treasures your relationship like i’m not here to play games i’m past mid-20’s this is Serious

and because he’s so worried and serious he nevers seems to let loose

which is probably normal since he’s a leader

but it makes him so !! all the time u get worried

once he actually CRIED out of stress

and you ofc were there

you kept hugging him tightly and slowly rocking his body with yours kissing his tears away as he kept softly saying “i’m fine, don’t worry”

you didn’t stop worrying

you said “if you’re fine then i can stay here hugging my boyfriend”

he nodded and kept sobbing for a little while

his head was pounding so you literally laid him down and cuddled him in your arms, fingers between his locks and hot breath on his neck

he once said the sound of your breath calmed him

so that’s what you did

you calmed him

and that’s everything he ever wanted

someone to be there for him on tough times like he’s always there for everyone

he loves the fact you’re always so calm and ready to solve any problem that appears

he loves the calmness and ““““normal”””” atmosphere you bring to him

after all those years of hardship and responsability

you showed him he could be a leader and have more fun on a daily basis

he deadass thinks abt your marriage

like it’s barely 6am, he wakes up and sees you sleeping next to him, hair everywhere on the pillow and mouth open

his heart goes 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

his arms goes to your sleeping body

& his mind “i’m gonna marry this girl someday”

idk i feel like i could write a whole ass fanfiction of 50 chapters on suho and id still have 100 scenarios of him in mind

i honestly love him sm

such a nice boy

he deserves so much more

give lota of love to him he’s perfect

that’s it i’m done

[confetti-bones]

Boss 1

Pairing: Yoongi X Reader X Jimin

Genre: Office au, Ceo Yoongi, Boss Jimin, there might be smut I don't know yet.

Warnings: Swearing

A/n: Hey everyone! I decided to make an office au thing of Yoongi and Jimin, I hope you all like it. If any of you want to be added to a taglist just let me know...

 You've been working for the Min company for years.

    You were a hard worker that's never taken a vacation or sick day. Not that you didn't want to, but it's more like you couldn't.

     You had bills and student loans to pay. You simply just didn't have the money to take vacation. You even had to do overtime almost everyday; and don't forget your second job.

    You sighed as you worked on another nonrealistic article of some celebrity couple.

   The Min company is a magazine company. The company basically sells crappy gossip magazines that likes to spread false rumors.

    It hadn't always been this way.

     Before the the company decided to start this magazine, The Min company was just a normal book publisher.

    They sold fantastic stories that you loved to read, and that's what made you decide that you wanted to write and work for this company.

    A little after you were hired the quality of the books went down. Ceo Min got greedy and decided to make the gossip magazine that you write for today; seeing that it made more money and was more popular at the time then the wonderful stories that your co workers made.

    Thus why your here now.

     As you worked on your article you heard a door slam shut. So you looked up to see your co worker Kim Seokjin barge out of Ceo Mins office, clearly frustrated. 'the Ceo must of yelled at him again' you think as you watched Seokjin stomp back to his desk.

      You felt yourself feel a tiny bit of sympathy for the man, but quickly discarded it with a small shake off your head.

     Seokjin was a suck up. He constantly tried to get on the Ceo's good side, following Ceo Min around making sure he had everything that he needed and wanted; and when he wasn't following the companies Ceo around he would be arrogant and brag. You've personally never had a conversation with him, but you've overheard him talking to coworkers, and you can confidently say that you don't want to talk to him.

    As you were lost in your thoughts, you mindlessly stared at Seokjin for a few minutes not realizing that he noticed your stare until he was in front of you with a smirk on his face.

       "I know I'm handsome, but that doesn't mean you should stare at me like that" Seokjin says. You sit quietly unsure of what to say.

     "Do you not have manners? It's rude to not respond when someone is talking to you," Seokjin says annoyed.

   "Ah sorry…. I just wasn't expecting you to talk to me" you mumble.

  "Oh? Well I'm glad you know better, I usually wouldn't speak to someone so-" Seokjin then takes a second to look at your outfit for a few seconds,

      "Poor looking. You look like trash. The only reason I'm here us to tell you to keep your eyes on your work. I don't need someone so gross staring at me. I'm surprised that you even got hired. Ceo Min has high expectations you know, and that's why he hired me." Seokjin says arrogantly. You felt a little bad about his words but try not to think about it to much mumbling a quick apology and turning to face your work.   

   Seokjin scoffs and says,

  "Ugh I should report you to human services, your so rude and annoying" before walking off back to his desk.

    As soon as Seokjin was gone you give a quick sigh of relief before continuing to work wishing that you could go home.

     After a while of working you heard a door open to see the companies very own Ceo walk out. He had a coffee mug in his hand and a tired expression as he started to walk towards the break room.

   As he headed towards the break room Seokjin shot up from his desk and walked over to the Ceo with what seemed to be a fake smile.

   "Hello Ceo Min, do you want me to get some coffee for you?" Seokjin asks holding his hand out ready to take the coffee mug from the Ceo.

      Ceo Min sighs and rolls his eyes taking a quick glance around the room before looking at Seokjin again.

    "No I want you to work. I wanted your article about that one celebrity scandal done two days ago. You have yet to finish it because you've been so busy kissing my ass." Ceo Min says bluntly. Seokjin chuckle's at this and Ceo Min looks at him blankly for a few minutes before saying,

     "Get to work or I'll fire you Seokjin."  walking off. Seokjin shakes his head and sighs mumbling something about never getting fired before sitting in his seat again.

    Some people giggle at the interaction while others start to work again.

   While you worked you heard yelling from the break room. 'Ceo Min must be having a fit again' you sigh.

   Ceo Min is a very successful man. He started the company you worked at, and managed to make millions from it.

     Ceo Min was just as arrogant as Kim Seokjin if not more, for obvious reasons. He seemed to only care about making money.

      If an article an employee wrote wasn't good enough, he'd have the employee come to his office, and he'd scream at them, constantly making them redo their work till he considered it perfect.

     You'd like to say that you haven't had to go through that same treatment but you did; and it was terrifying. You went a full week of the Ceos yelling before you managed to make an article that he deemed perfect.

      Hours went by with you typing away and looking at your computer screen, until you felt a tap on your shoulder. You sigh and look up to see one of the floor supervisors, Hoseok.

      Hoseok, was arrogant and rude like the other two men mentioned, but still just a slightly bit nicer.

   Out of all the higher-ups in the office he was the most bearable.

      "Ms.(last name) you've worked overtime almost everyday this week." Hoseok says.

    "Yeah I know. Is there something wrong with that Mr.Jung?" You ask.

     "Yeah we can't have you do overtime like this everyday, there are rules about overworking that we have to follow. So you have to leave now, your official office hours ended ten minutes ago." You sigh and nod your head. Hoseok flashes you a quick what seemed to be fake smile before walking off leaving you to pack up.

   Once you gathered all your stuff you walked to the elevator and got on.

      After a few seconds before the doors close two people get on. The companies Ceo and Kim Namjoon Ceo Mins second hand man. Also the other floor supervisor.

   Kim Namjoon was known as the brains for the company. He was very intelligent with an IQ of one forty eight.

     Namjoon was the guy who made the suggestion to start a magazine company, and he often helped come up with ideas for different sections and articles that could be written.

    When the two men got on the elevator you nodded your head politely before staring at the floor not wanting to make eye contact with either of them.

    There was an awkward silence in the elevator for a few moments before Namjoon decided to speak,

     "Ms.(last name) how has your article been going so far? Is it up to standards?" You stiffened at hearing Namjoon and looked up to see him staring at you.

     "It's going well Mr. Kim" you mumble. Ceo Min looks over to you quizzically.

    "Just well Ms.(last name)? I thought we went over how your article should be perfect a few weeks ago" Ceo Min said bluntly. You took in a breath feeling even more tense then ever.

     "I- umm, It's actually fantastic, I have a few things here and there that I need to fix but my article is actually great. I was just saying that I felt like I was doing a great job at writing it. " You stammered. Ceo Min nodded his head pleased with your answer before pulling out his phone.

    Eventually the elevator hit the bottom floor and the doors open.

     "Mr.Kim make sure Ms.(last name)'s article gets sent to me once she considers it perfect. We all know that her definition of the word is clearly much different from mine" Ceo Min says turning to look at your appearance.

     "Have a goodnight Mr.Kim, Ms.(last name)" the Ceo says before walking out the elevator.

    You turn and give Namjoon a quick nod before scurrying out of the elevator with a sigh, feeling more relaxed now that your out of that situation.

…………………………

  "I'm telling you, Jimin everybody in that office is a dick" you huff while cleaning the bar counter. Jimin laughs at this before saying,

    "Well what are you gonna do? Their all office pricks who only want money."

    "I want money too but I'm not an ass about it." You say walking over to a customer and refilling his drink.

    "Sorry to tell you this sweetheart but that's just how some people are",

   "Hey (y/n) can I get a beer for table six?" Jungkook says walking up to the counter.

   You nod your head and grab a beer  handing it to Jungkook.

    "So what are you complaining about now? Do you have to write another one of those fake scandal articles?" Jungkook asks scrunching up his face.

     "No, well yes but that's not what im complaining about. Just the usual bosses." Jungkook nods his head.

    "Am I a boss you complain about (y/n)?" Jimin asks playfully. You shake your head,

   "No if anything you're probably my favorite boss" you sigh. Jimin makes a noise of delight and gives you a cute smile,

     "Awwwww, your my favorite too (y/n). Come here so I can give you a hug." Jimin says holding his arms open. You giggle and shake your head, and Jungkook looks over at Jimin offended,

"Hey what about me!" Jungkook says. Just as Jimin's about to respond, you hear someone yell,

    "Hey where's my beer?!" Jungkook sighs and shakes his head.

   "My customer is already getting impatient I better go" you nod your head and turn back to Jimin.

   "I should probably go too (y/n) I have some paperwork, to fill out and I can't distract you from anymore customers." Jimin smiles. You nod your head and smile back before Jimin walks away to the back room of the bar leaving you alone.

   This is your second job. You work as a bartender for the bar Serendipity. Overall the job was really nice. You got lots of tips and enjoyed your fellow coworkers. Not to mention at this job your boss is actually nice and sweet.

  Your bosses name is Park Jimin. He's a handsome carefree man. Jimin was given the bar by his uncle when he was in highschool. His uncle wanted to move away by wasn't willing to let go of his business so he decided to give it to Jimin.

    As soon as Jimin graduated he happily took over the business hiring you and a few other people as well.

    One of those people being Jung Jungkook. Jungkook is still a high school kid himself, but he needed some extra cash to help pay for a car he's been wanting so he decided to take up a job as a waiter for the bar.

    At first he was really awkward and shy not really speaking to you. Every Time he saw you he'd walk away as fast as he could to try and avoid you, making you feel awful.

    Jimin later revealed to you that Jungkook was slightly scared of girls, and made the poor boy start talking to you, putting the two of you on the same shift so he's have to go to you for orders.

    Later as time went on he slowly grew more comfortable with you and your happy to say that your friends with him now.

    Another employee that works there goes by the name Kim Taehyung.

   He's a college student majoring in art. Taehyung is in charge of cooking in the back so when he's not busy he usually goes to the bar and talks to you occasionally drinking a beer or two.

      Taehyung and you get along fairly well, except for when he pranks you.

   The man doesn't prank you that often anymore, after an incident that happened a few months ago that resulted in him almost being fired, but he occasionally does small pranks like putting too much salt in your food or drink.

      "(Y/n) order ready for table four" Taehyung says placing a plate with a hamburger and fries down.

    "Alright I'll take it down myself." You say grabbing the plate from the counter and walking over to the said table.

    "Here's your order miss" you say setting the food down. The woman who orders says a quick thanks and gives you a smile before you walk back to behind the bar.

     "(Y/n) I need your womanly advice on something" Taehyung says taking a seat on front of you.

     "Don't you have orders to be making?" You sigh.

   "Nope that was my last one." Taehyung says with a grin.

   "Alright hit me"

 "Do you think id look good in the colors blue or pink?" Taehyung asks. You sigh again and look at Taehyung for a few seconds before responding,

    "You'd look good in both, was that your question?"

   "Yay! Yeah it was!" Taehyung says while making jazz hands and giving you his famous boxy grin. You shake your head and smile back at Taehyung.

   As you were about to speak again you suddenly hear a voice,

     "(Y/n)?" You instantly feel yourself stiffen from the familiar voice and turn to look at the person who spoke.

     "Namjoon…."

[unpretentiousblogging]

My first suicide note

Don’t worry, this isn’t THE note, merely me reminiscing about what WAS my first note. And anyway, starting my actual suicide note with ‘first’ would be extremely stupid and already declaring defeat...which is ironic, since, you know, suicide is declaring defeat from life in general. 

Oh god. I do this a lot. Use poor humour to deflect from my obviously concerning thoughts. But anyway, it’s fine.Back to topic. (side note; there was no humour in my first suicide note. Hmm. Maybe I should incorporate that in the next one...joke. Maybe.Hopefully. Idk)

Anyway, first suicide note. Ah yes. I was fifteen.It was..2014? I don’t really remember much of it or the details surrounding that year. Just that it was angry and sad and vengeful and full of so much...hurt.Against everyone.My friends.My enemies. My mother. 

Ah. My mother. A recurring character in every suicide note I’ve ever written. It’s not her fault. She is not per say a bad person. But more on that later. This isn’t about her. This is about my suicide note and how it ended up being the first one.

A lot had been leading up to it. I should probably avoid saying the work depressed since I wasn't clinically diagnosed, but a bitch isn’t dumb. Or I mean, she is. But not in this case. You know when you spend the better part of two months not talking to anyone and experience the crushing pressure of this giant, pressing hollowness gnawing-ness that stays there no matter what you do, that THAT isn’t normal. Or at least, it wasn’t to me.

Tbh, I don’t understand much of it. That feeling. What caused it. Why it became such a significant part of my being. I was just in a negative head space. I had suddenly become hyper aware of the farce in everyone’s interaction with me. I detested that I couldn’t study what I wanted to. I had just...a lot going on. 

And also, truthfully, I think I had been using too much Tumblr. I would see this constant downpour of emaciated, beautiful girls talking about sadness as skinny white boys with cigarettes dangling from the corner of their mouths would tenderly hold them and I guess I internalised that this was what it took to be loved and also all that life had to offer.

Love. What a funny thing I chase after.So uninterested but also so extremely curious. Sigh.

Also, funny how the very platform that propelled me into the state I was then, is what I have chosen to come back to while meandering somewhere similar to that state. Not really funny,but what did I say..force of habbit. 

Anyway, back to story. I was sad.Really sad. And angry. And the final straw was the fight with my mom. I don’t remember what it was about. Not important. Just that I realised that I didn’t want my life anymore. Any life for that matter.

So, how does a 15 year old, kill herself? Or well, try to. Because, suuurprise. It obviously didn’t work. I didn’t die. (yet) Or I wouldn’t be ‘’killing time’’ (haha) by writing this.

Well,didn’t own a gun.not smart enough to figure out how strangulation worked.House not tall enough for free falling from roof to cause desired effect. Too much of a wimp to cut veins.

The only other logical explanation was to ingest some poison. Painless. Bound to achieve results without risking grotesquely convulsing my appearance in the way that free falling or burning would do should the fail to work.

Now, we didn’t have any poison lying around the house but I remember how popularised the video of the Amanda Todd suicide was and how she mentioned drinking bleach to kill herself. So, my manic self rushed to the bathroom in search for my poison.

Unfortunately, I could find no bleach. So,I reached out for the next best thing. This anti acne product I had bought from Shams recently. It was pretty expensive and barely used but since I was going to die anyway,what was the point of me being careful with this overpriced bottle of skin care.

Yes, I decided to die by gulping down a bottle of a beautification product for my skin. Not only is that highly improbable but I think about it and snicker at the fact that is basically a twist on the whole ‘eat makeup to become prettier on the inside’ joke. I was basically annihilating all the blemishes on my inside by ingesting that bottle of toner. Pretty funny, if you think about it. Or just me?

To be fair, at the time, I didn’t think it was. I legitimately thought I was going to die.With my eyes sputtering out a tsunami of tears,I guzzled the colourless liquid from the transparent bottle and drank till there was only around 20 percent left. 

The whole thing rushing down my windpipe in one giant gulp. The second I was done with this I started freaking out. My throat burned and I felt this warm, icky wave of nausea steadily creep up on me.

You see, I stupidly didn’t wager that it would take so long.My juvenile brain had been expecting the job to be done quick and painlessly. This was neither and now my paranoid brain started whizzing like an unstoppable slot machine. I started panicking, remembering this post I had read online by this guy who recounted how his failed attempt at ingesting pills for suicide resulted in a highly painful stomach pumping experience and a life time of painful and uncomfortable digestion. I wasn’t prepared for that.I couldn’t not die and also end up with more issues on top of the ones I already did.

In a mad rush against time, I scrambled to get my phone and performed a quick Google search-what to do if you eat poison. The most frequently suggestions were to call poison control and to induce vomiting. Since, I couldn't really do the first one, I made way to the toilet and thankfully to my minor stint with bulimia (and they said eating disorders aren’t useful, pfft) , I knew exactly how to do the latter. Quickly, I shoved my fingers down my throat and attempted to force my alimentary canal to defy gravity. I alternated between this and ramming my toothbrush down my mouth and lo and behold, spurts of translucent chemical gush forth from my mouth like a faulty tap. 

At this point, I had progressed to full blown sobbing. I wasn’t able to successfully eliminate all the toxic liquid from my body and the purge had just resulted with me hiccuping incessantly and my stomach gurgling uncontrollably. Also, my mouth had a horrible aftertaste. Overall, I felt repulsive and sick and also glaringly aware of my soon to be (in my head) death.

In my misery studded mind, I made peace with my fate and decided that were I to to die, I had to make sure I hurt everyone who ever hurt me just as much as. I wanted them to feel guilty. Afterall, my death couldn’t just end with a bunch of people feeling sorry for me and the people who had done me wrong to not experience any of the anguish I had. So, I put pen to paper and began to scribble on an old English paper-my first suicide letter.

At the time, I didn’t know it was to be my first, of course. I thought it was my one and only. I dedicated this atrocious piece of writing to virtually everyone who meant anything to me in my life. Ex best friend? Obviously mentioned. Brother? Definitely to blame. Friend who cared but not enough? Special shout out.

But the star of the show, the main dedication of the bitterness fuelled literary rampage was  one person-my lovely mother. Like I said, not a bad person.  But just not compatible with me, to put it nicely. Anyway, the body of this letter revolved around her and how all the events of my interactions with her had materialised into this blame. If any one was to be guilt ridden after this entire ordeal, I wanted to make sure that it was her. 

Everyone else got a few sentences or a paragraph, but my mom, well she got pages and pages of my teen angst and venom against her. In fact, the opening of this abysmal note started off with something like, ‘’In case I don’t wake up tomorrow’’ (I wasn’t sure how effective the ‘’poison’’ would be. In hindsight, not at all), ‘’ you (mother) should know that YOU are to blame for all of this’’.

Pretty dramatic, am I right? Anyway, I don’t really remember more of what happened in the note, but basically, you get the idea of how it went, ok? 

So, yeah, after penning that intense piece of literature, I willed myself to go to sleep and hopefully die painlessly in my slumber. Or not. I wasn’t sure at this point whether I wanted to survive or not. Probably the most anxious sleep I was getting. After all, I didn’t know whether I was going to wake up the next morning or not.

Spoiler alert: I did. With relief.

And I tore up the note immediately. I think my mother had already read some of it but I am not sure if I remember entirely. I recall sitting in the car with her as she drove and a passing mention was made of it and all I said was that I had written a story in my notebook. And that was it. Did she believe me? Or did she simply not care enough? Or maybe her brain could not even begin to register that I was capable of performing such an abominable task. I don’t know. I wonder though, if she ever stays up at night wondering about what it meant. What any of it was.

I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even remember. I do. 

And that, brings to a complete, the pointless rambling of me and my first suicide note. 

good bye.

(we’ve reached the end. im not gonna go kill myself...right now. lol. maybe/ ok bye)

[angeliclunaetic]

just thinking back to the day i met him, till now and,, there was always something about him. something that drew me in and everything just felt right. That day we met,, something about him just drew me in. idk if it was his sense of humor or just how polite n sweet and caring he was in general but it was,, something. idek why i even texted him in the first place. i just commented on his stuff and decided to text him. we talked for a few and then he showed me a pic of himself and i was just,, in awe. he really was the cutest thing ever. yes i had thought abt using him when i first saw him but,, i couldnt even if i had wanted to. i seen his pic and thought “yeah he looks like he’d be easy to use” but then by the end of texting him that night,, i fell so deeply for him. actually no. i already fell for him. way before we even met. that must be how everything felt so right. but just texting him a little bit that first night,, i just instantly wanted to know more about him. i never even talked abt someone else to my gc and for some reason i had the urge to talk about him,, like i knew he was the one but didn’t realize it. and then when we called for the first time,, i swear i had butterflies. even though i was otp with him and his friend,, i was so nervous to just talk to him. i had thought of him as my crush at that point. no one had ever made me feel that way. i never got so nervous to talk to anyone. i wanted to stay quiet that entire time so i wouldnt say something stupid and embarrass myself but something about him,, made me want to be so open. so i talked to him,, and when we got off the phone of our first call,, i was so incredibly sad. i wanted to talk to him more and more and i just wanted to call him again already,, but i wasnt sure how he had felt or if he even felt the same. i thought he did but i didnt wanna assume and make a fool out of myself. i wasnt sure if he had a crush or if he was just being nice. but after a while it was easy to realize. he was way too sweet and caring to me. more than a friend should be. he was there for me the night i was bawling otp w my ex. and he got mad and upset about how my ex was treating me in a way that was different than just my friends. and thats what made me fall for him even more. just him. being himself. him being so sweet. so caring. him just being there for me and not judging me and wanting others to treat me right. and when we videocalled that first time,,i was so nervous. i was worried he’d see what i look like and not be attracted to me anymore. but he still was. but i was so nervous anyways. but when i saw him on video call for the first time,, i was in shock. how could someone be so cute. so perfect. how could someone capture my heart just by simply smiling at me. i knew from then, that i, was in love with him. i wanted to be his so badly. but when he had asked me out i wanted to just scream yes at him,, but something in my mind told me to just calm down and wait,, however a part of me was worried that if i had made him wait that he’d find someone better and leave me. but he didn’t he stayed. even after that night i had told him everything. of how i used to use people and how i had originally planned to use him and he still stayed. i swear i felt my heart break that night and i was crying so much out of fear that he’d leave me before we even got together. i had such strong feelings for him and i wanted him to be mine. but i wanted to make sure i was away from,, that thing,, and that i fully loved him before i got into anything serious. i didnt wanna jump from relationship to relationship either. a part of me just wanted to be single and just have fun. but just,, talking to him and texting him,, i wanted him. i didnt care if i wasnt single. i just wanted him. but also a part of me didnt want to love again. or “love” as i should say considering i never loved anyone before him. i was mentally and emotionally exhausted and relationships are just so much work and you have to give someone such a large piece of yourself and i wouldnt be able to handle being broken again. so many thoughts ran through my head. “what if i dont love him, what if im just attracted to him because im going through things and he’s there for me” “what if he wont wait for me” “what if he doesnt like me “ “what if im using him and dont realize” “what if i get hurt” all these “what if’s” and i never once thought abt the reality of it all. that i, had feelings for him. that he felt the same. that he was willing to wait for me, even if it took years. that he would never hurt me and even allowed himself to be hurt by me if that meant even just getting a chance at me loving him. i guess i was just so worried and just in shock. no ones felt so deeply for me before.and that night that i had asked him out,,, i had seen a pic of my ex with this new girl and i felt absolutely nothing towards it. so then,, thats when i knew. i was over him. that emotional attachment was gone. and my feelings for sam were real. and we had called that night,, that entire night i was so nervous and got butterflies, and i realized i never stopped smiling once during that whole phone call. and after we got of,, i, once again, was extremely sad. i wanted to hear his voice talking to me for hours and hours. i wanted to smile and feel nervous and get butterflies. and at that point i was like,, fuck it. yes i was still worried that my feelings werent true. but what was the harm in trying. he was the only person to have caught my eye in like,, ever. he was on my mind that whole night and probably abt like 30 mins after we got off call i asked him out. my feelings for him were too strong. i was worried he wouldnt wait and i couldnt risk losing someone as special as him to someone else,, if i did, i wouldve never forgiven myself. im glad i asked him out. even though i had surprised myself by it,, i just couldnt wait any longer,, i needed to make him mine. and i did. and i wouldnt change it for the world. the first month for me was very,, rough. of course we were still getting to know each other and our boundaries,, and i of course made some mistakes. my fears of possibly not having true feelings were coming back. and it pushed him away because he didnt wanna get hurt. and he almost left me. those two nights that we had an issue and he had left me,, they broke me. they really did. that  was the worst i had ever been. the crying,, the screaming,, the anger and complete sadness i felt. i felt as if i had lost everything. i felt as if i had nothing left. if i didnt have him,, then,, who am i. im nothing without him. he’s my other half. my soulmate. and i thought i had lost him. im glad im so annoying and clingy otherwise i’d be so fucking heartbroken without him. we had only been together for less than a month those two times and yet i felt so strongly for him. nothing has ever made me feel this way. i had never wanted to keep someone in my life so bad before. it was like,, i needed him to breathe. i needed him to smile. i just,, needed him. i cant live without him. just thinking about a life without him makes me fucking sick. i want him and only him for the rest of our lives. no one can even compare to him. im just,, in shock. like im really in love with him and it just amazes me. im sitting here writing this as he’s sound asleep and i just. i miss him a lot. i guess all my feelings are coming out now since ive been distant the past month but,, i dont care. ill gladly shout from the rooftops how much i love him. god there’s so much more i could say about us. even before we started dating. i cant get over the rush i felt. the excitement, the nerves, the butterflies,, even all the “what if’s”,, i still get nervous and get butterflies when talking to him but ofc they’re not gonna be as strong as when we had met and declared our love for each other. speaking of love,, now im reminded of the day i had told him that i love him,, we had “argued” the day before and i thought i had lost him for good,, and that next day,,i wanted nothing more than to just hold him and kiss him and tell him that i love him. i know the words “i love you” is such a meaningful thing,, i couldnt help but tell him. its exactly how i felt. i loved him. i couldnt be apart from him,, even after only a week of dating him,, i was in love that night i thought he was leaving me for good,, absolutely broke me. and the next day i just wanted to hold him tight and never let him go. even though i was so nervous to tell him that i loved him,, i just,, i knew i was sure. no one had ever made me feel so strongly about them. yeah ive cried over my ex. but nothing could ever compare to just the complete distraught i felt that night. that crying so much it burned my throat and threw up,, the screaming,, just the complete sadness and anger i felt. after that,, i knew i loved him, and i wasnt afraid to tell him. i was nervous bc of how he’d react but i knew that i was never more sure of anything else in my life. i love him. and i want to be with him forever. 

[ideclaremarvel]

Open Mic

Steve Harrington x Reader

Introduction: Hello!!!! Is ya girl i haven't made a story in so long and i am just in love with Steve and billy from stranger things because who wouldn't ? and just everyone so i might make new stories of those characters. Olala but i'm not taking in any request! ): im sorry just have a busy life and I want to focus on one character at a time. Bare with me i'm rough it's been so long!!

Not sure how long the series will be put i want it to be long and cool haha. Everyone is alive bc i cant wait til season 4 !!! idk how i feel about it but here ya go this probably sucks sorry

warnings: drinking and drugs nothing too bad 

Chapter 1: 

Summary:  After the events at Starcourt Mall, destroying the flayer monster and everyone still managed to come out alive, everyone who was everyone decided to go their own ways. The Byers family moved away along with El & Hopper. As a gift Hop fixed up his cabin for you to stay since it was somewhat destroyed by the Flyer monster. You work at a small bookstore in Starcourt Mall along with Nancy. town there's a small bar that you occasionally read your poetry to the drunken people, it was only for the weekend random people from the bar or around the neighborhood would read their poetry/stories, no one you knew went here. 

“Hey Nac, is it alright with you if I head out now?” 

looking down your watch it read 7:30 it was Friday and the mall closed at 9, you just want to get home have a shower possibly change clothes before heading down to Dragons Corner Bar. you found this bar when you were tripping on shrooms walking through some woods, thought you were walking in wonderland in the middle of October here a Hawkins. What's odd about the bar was it was hidden, the driveway is long and the parking was big enough to fit probably 100 cars but there's always people walking here. People who are not from your town. Every time you went you felt like you've entered dark ages of dragons, princesses, kings and queens, the entire bar was shaped as a castle. 

“Yeah that's fine Y/N, go enjoy your night!” she said with a smile, she usually takes closing on Fridays and you'd take Saturday, as a win win, both satisfied.

As you were leaving the store looking around starcourt so many families laughing, kids running around at their playstation, mothers sitting all together chatting who knows what. A Lot of people from Hawkins high are always here but luckily for you, an exit next to your store. It was a blessing. Avoiding big crowds and possible interactions with people from school isn't what you want. You hated it. Weirdly enough your friends with Nancy who used to be popular, both of you guys are opposite personalities, you will like the odd one out considering you love rock/punk bands and wearing dark clothes, but you always made it look cute making some popular girls angry. You found it amusing. 

Walking to your car wasn't much of a walk since they have a section for employees to park, another blessing this Mall has to offer. As you were unlocking your car, you heard the door the mall opened. You wiped  your head around, only to find your favorite crush wearing his cute sailor uniform, ‘thank god i don't have a dress code’ you thought.

 “Steve! Ahoy mate!!” 

giving your best pirate voice and mimicking dancing around in excitement to seeing him, Steve on the other hand that it was bad and laughed. 

You loved the way he laughed it was gentle and soft, not enough to roll your eyes but enough to keep making him laugh forever  “Y/N enjoyed the attempt but that was bad!” Steve laughed clutching his stomach like he couldn't breathe

He was wiping away tears that went down from all the laughter” i must say cute little dance you did, ya missed me that much?” Steve said sending you a wink.  

“are you done now? I tried okay don't give me your bs” you rolled your eyes trying to be sassy.

 “Hey now i said it was cute” Steve said while taking off his shirt in front of you, not caring if anyone saw. You couldn't help but stare a little bit, he was fit, nice arms, toned, abs looked so nice you'd want to lick them. Snapping out of your trance of the boy, you went into your car, open the glove compartment to get a small bag containing rolled joints. picked one out throwing the bag onto your passenger seat, fumbling in your purse for a lighter. Groaning not having one on you. 

“Need a light?” Steve said holding out his lighter already having the flame dancing for you

Leaning over to light the joint perfectly placed between your lips, inhaling and exhaling before handed it off to Steve, you always loved smoking with him. hell, he's the one that got you into it in the first place. 

“Did you roll this?” Steve asked admiring the perfectly rolled joint like he's never seen one nicely rolled, twirling it around if with his fingers. 

“Yeah, I usually like to roll a couple at a time and light one whenever” taking the joint from Steve, you briefly touch his hand, that alone gave you small butterflies, sending you shivers all throughout your body.

“How was work? It was pretty busy up at Scoops, god little kids are a bit annoying not knowing what flavor they want” 

Steve said frustrated touching the back of his head “robin took care of most of them trying to get them to leave already” he said taking the joint from you inhaling, exhaling the smoke trying to make a ring. Failed but he tried. 

“Work was okay, had a few customers come in to buy books, rearrange a small area in the back with Nancy. Were thinking about getting a rescue dog or cat to keep around the bookstore, so were making a little hang out area for people to read their books and have a nice time with animal” 

you smiled at the thought of it coming together, you were more excited to adopting a kitty. Steve was looking at you smiling, admiring just how beautiful you are and sometimes he wonders if he should ask you out, he always had this crush on you but from all the rejections he's gotten asking you made him nervous.

 He found it sexy just watching you hitting the joint, sometimes he wants to take your face in his hands and kiss you till your lips fall off but he couldn't he was too scared. He really wants to.

“Should get both? Don't you live at the cabin all alone? Get a cat for the bookstore since they are low maintenance and they can take care of themselves”  

“I actually haven't thought of that, being alone in the cabin doesn't get lonely, im used to it, peaceful. Besides i asked Nancy to move in since she wants to be away from her house” you took a couple more hits off of the joint before burning it out. Looking towards the sky above trying to look at the stars but it was cloudy so nothing was out. 

“I can take you to a shelter and help you pick a cat or dog, whichever you'd want” Steve said giving you a small grin like a little small boy, ugh you thought to yourself, sometimes you think he likes you but you're sure he flirts with every girl. 

“Yes i would love that, maybe get food after? My treat” you said singly leaning over to him giving him the biggest smile ever

“Yeah we can eat burgers and milkshakes, how does that sound? I know a place we can go” Steve said while getting down off of your car hood, stretching showing a little of his abs. ‘Fuck’ you thought to yourself. ‘Why am I like this’ thinking this made you groan in annoyance hat Steve picked up

“ whats up Y/N ? watcha got going on tonight? Steve asking while fixing and trying to style his fluffy hair that you oh so loved.

“Gonna go home, refresh myself and then read a book, easy night for a long day” you lied to him, you didn't want no one knowing where your little secret bar was, you didn't want anyone to hear about your poetry. 

Especially Steve, sometimes you write about your feelings about him but still you'd rather hide it and not have anyone know about it except well for Nancy she’d know about the crush you have for Steve for awhile now, she says it shows all over my face whenever he's around. Never got what she meant but never cared.

“Sounds relaxing to me, i'm going to meet Dustin and everyone for a drive a Quarry, ill see you around princess” Steve said while getting into his car, rolling down his window flashing you the prettiest smile “i hope you enjoy your night Y/N” waving to you while driving off. 

“I wish you'd kiss me” you said out loud but no one but you heard that. Getting into your car you drove off.

Entering dragons corner everyone knew you, pretty much you will come here to escape being alone at home and nights when your thoughts got too much and a drink is what you need. 

“Hey Y/N welcome back!” 

Tom yelled from behind the corner waving at you. 

“Hey Tom! Hows Betta?”

 you smiled and waved taking a seat next to Lewis the other bar owner. Betta is tom's wife for over 40 years! You wish you find your soulmate and be together long, sounded cheesy but it's something you've always wanted. “Whats up girl” Lewis said going in for a fist bump. 

“Betta doing good, she's been out of town visiting her mother and sisters” he said while mixing up your usual drink, dirty pina colada. not one for beer because of the taste and itll reminded you too much of your stupid father. “You miss her? Whens shes coming back?” you asked wondering when she’ll be back, she treated you like her own daughter after some poetry sessions you'd cry so badly in the bathroom, since you became a regular and pretty cool, they gave you a key for the back office that's so quiet and away from all the noise.

 “She should be coming tomorrow, she's been gone for 3 weeks! Not having her around the bar have been so quiet” he said coming around the bar, taking a seat next to you. 

“Here made your favorite, added a lil too much of alcohol but it should be okay” tom said giving you the drink with 3 cherries on top because he knows how much cherries are your favorite.

Taking a gulp from the drink you can slightly tell the more alcohol in this, burned your throat a bit but the chillness of the drink helped.

“The drink is wonderful and much needed” enjoying the drink while looking around its a full house, lots of people. Just thinking about being on the stage made you sick but thats why having one dirty pina colada was enough

 “Open mic is gonna be starting soon, i think Lewis is getting the mic set up” he said standing up from his chair stretching and sighing 

“It's been awhile since we got this much people, betta would be happy” 

You had your journal with you with all of your notes of places, people you meet, drugs you've tried, and all the poetry you wrote. It's something you don't want to ever lose. 

“Can I go first this time?” I asked nicely, giving him my biggest pout.

“Yeah i gotchu, want another drink? Virgin?” asked before wanting to add anything, he knew you drove here, doesn't want you to be impaired while driving, he cares about you too. 

“Yeah, thanks I appreciate it” accepting the drink while Lewis stands on stage getting everyone's attention.

“Welcome welcome our insomniac and alcoholics…..

Earning a chuckled from the crowd. 

Welcome to Dragons Corner, tonight we are hoisting our open mic and everyone who is everyone is able to come up here, thank you all for coming and enjoy your evening!!!’’ earning a loud cheer from everyone and having the small fainted of jazz music played, they like to keep it quiet when people are talking but not having any dead silence could get boring and make the readers nervous too. 

“We'd like to start off with our favorite writers Y/N!!” Lewis said clapping towards my direction to motion me on the stage having everyone cheering for me made all my jumping nervous calm again.

“Hello everyone, im Y/N and i will be reading some sort of love poem for someone that i wish would notice me, alright here we go…

When i think of you i think of all the good things life has to offer

like coffee on an early morning 

the first sight of the sunset or sunrise

Or when someone falls in love for the first time

The way you smile 

The way you laugh

The way your hair is poofy and curly

Sharing smokes, secrets, food, love

I wonder what's it like to kiss you

To touch you

To feel you touch my skin

I wonder what's it like making love to you 

My lips ache for yours 

Please notice me

Notice me how birds notice a worm on the pavement 

Notice me

I want to give you the world in this cold lonely world

Notice me………”

You finished and stepped off the staged, everyone snapping their fingers no one clapped during open mic it was just more quieter and better. “Who is this lover boy?hmmm” Lewis said walking down the bar and meeting your gaze

“This kid named Steve, i went to school with him. He was this big king of Hawkins high before Billy came into town and took that title. Steves sweet and nice. He's always looking out for me” 

you said smiling just thinking of him made your stomach want to do flips, just something about im made you feel so alive, he’d always make sure you were okay. 

“Does he feel the same?” asked while cleaning around being busy but still talking to you 

“I'm not sure, well i don't know, i wish i knew..” just the thought of him liking someone else made you sick and sad. You just wanted to be his.

“You're too wonderful Y/N, i bet he does feel the same” giving you a pat on the shoulder and giving you a warm smile the one that says ‘you got this’ 

You let out the biggest sigh and decided to head out. “Alright Lewis, Tom i'll see you guys tomorrow night!” waving at both of them as you were leaving the magical castle. Stepping outside was a little more chiller than before but luckily you dressed warm. Turning on your car playing fleetwood mac.

Returning to your cabin, you've decorated it with tiny lights so when you've come home in the middle of the night you can see where you're going and not fall and hit yourself like last time before buying the lights, recalling the memory and the pain you just glad it wasn't anything major. Although the figure waiting on your porch was something you didn't expect. 

“Steve?” you questioned the figure it was dark you couldn't tell who it was

“Hey Y/N..” he replied with a little sadness in his voice something you notice right away 

“Lets go inside, got something on your mind?” asked curiosity hoping it wasn't anything but bad but just wanted a friend

“I thought you were here like you said earlier but no one answered so I waited, it was only an hour, i dropped Dustin off and i wanted to see you again..” he smiled towards your direction while being distracted with your living room and how nice it looks.

“It's so cozy here” he said eyes wandering around can't seem to be fixed on something

“I try to make it as cozy as possible since it's just me, i need my home relaxing environment. It helps alot” you said while disappearing into your room to change into pjs, you hadn't realized you forgot to put on pants because your tipsy mind forgot about Steve

“Cute butt” Steve said while checking out your ass, couldn't help himself but also want to embarrass you. Realizing this you ran to your room to grab a pair of shorts 

“My bad, had small drink” your face redder than a tomato at this point. Steve on the other hand found it adorable you blushed really dark red 

“Soo steve why are you here and no home?” completely forgot about why he was waiting for you

“Well i wanted to see a movie but not alone and so i thought of you, i have movies we could watch” steve taking out 2 movies from his jacket and handing it to you 

“Halloween 2 and Alien, hmmm horror type? Lets watch alien i love Ripley” popped the movie in and went over to the couch where Steve started to get comfy

“Would you want to stay? It's late and I wouldn't want you to drive” you asked hopefully it'll be a yes since you could possibly ask to cuddle later on. You looked over to Steve lost in thought but snapped back to reality quickly when you asked him to stay  

“If you don't mind, we can make pancakes tomorrow” he said with a soft smile 

“Yeah i'd love that” 

[benhaardy]

fresh || b.h.

REQUEST: an imagine where the reader is friends with ben from her first year of highschool, and they stay friends through till sixth form, before they move to uni they confess their feelings for each other and it’s all fluffy and nice💖💖💖

A/N: helloooo thank you for sending me a request i hope i did this justice!! im super rusty but here goes!!!!!! i feel like a noob cause i dont really know how drama clubs function sorry but this is how the clubs i’ve been in kinda functioned during a free time period yknow? also i hope i got the school stuff right lol im aMeRiCan. yeet i would loveeeee some feedback because this is the first time ive ever written in second person so uhhh hit up my askbox! also i am basic and do not know anything about high school plays so they do romeo and juliet i apologize, yes it is basic and all quotes from it are taken OUT OF CONTEXT so uh just-just disregard romeo and juliet the play and characters and yeah whatever.

i tried my hardest to make this neutral for the reader so hair, eye colour, skin, shouldn’t be a problem though there is some playing with your hair tho lol.

Y/HT means your hometown.

had a blast writing this, thank you for sending in a request <3333. hope you like!

Wordcount: 2.1k

Warnings: fem!reader, one or two bad words?, p fluffy and also l o l rusty writer right here. this wasn’t proofread and was beta’d halfway so apologies for any inaccuracies or typos.

fresh

Isabel led you down the long hallway, fluorescent lights beaming down upon both of you as you walked. She looked behind at you, encouraging and cheerful as always. As you made your way to the drama room, you clenched your fists and breathed deeply. You had joined the drama club at the encouraging of Isabel, wanting to finally make more friends after a few days of being in this new school, this whole new place. Everything was different here, but maybe you could have one constant in this close group of people. You were nervous. It showed. She reassured, “Don’t worry, Y/N. We’re probably, like, the most relaxed people on this campus. You’ve got nothing to worry about, alright?”

You nodded at her, a tight smile on your lips. Hopefully, she was right. Though you’d always known drama kids to be loud and fun, you couldn’t help but shake that self-conscious feeling inside.

She opened the door for you both and let you enter before her into the room. The walls were painted black and had colourful drawings and paintings hung up on them which were student made. In the middle of the room were at least 15 people either sitting in chairs or scattered about on the ground. They were all doing their own thing. Some people were acting out scenes with each other, others were just talking amongst themselves or playing around. Two boys were in the corner kicking a football at each other while reciting A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

“Everyone? Welcome Y/N to the club!” You waved shyly at them and their exclamations at your presence. “Come over here with me,” said Isabel, who showed you over to an open seat in the middle of the room, next to a blonde boy. His face lit up at the sight of you coming to him.

“You must be the great Y/N Izzy’s always talking about!” He patted the seat next to him where you sat down. “I’m Ben.” He grinned at you, pearly whites shining. Ben adjusted his beanie and sat nonchalantly, hands in his hoodie pockets.

“Y/N,” you replied. You were still on edge but Ben seemed nice enough. You two sat for a little in silence, watching the chaos of the club in motion. Isabel had left to kick the football with the boys.

“So Y/N,” he piped up, ”tell me about yourself.” He sat forward, intent on listening to whatever you were gonna say.

“I moved here from Y/HT. I was never really into drama before now, I guess, but I used to act when I was younger. Isabel convinced me to join again ‘cause I’m still trying to find my way around here,” you replied, a small, nervous laugh following your words.

“Well, you’ll always be welcome here! I joined after I got injured and I fell in love with acting. I hope you stay.” Ben grinned at you, a glint in his eye.

--

Three years had passed. Three years of plays and lawless drama kids and Ben. You had grown extremely close with him, hanging out as much as possible, helping each other with your lines, and staying near each other during rehearsals and meetings. Both of you were attached at the hip. You were more at his house then you were at your own.

You had simply just fit. Snug and at home with each other. Snug enough that you had grown to have feelings for him. You prayed that it was just those normal feelings that people have for their best friends, where they were teetering dangerously over the line of romance but stayed safe, still platonic. Your prayers were not answered and you had fallen, hard, for your best friend.

It was hard to hide your feelings, hard to hide when he was so kind. Ben was willing to hold you up when you were low and willing enough to know pretty much everything about you without forgetting what you liked and what irked you. He hosted you at his house with no problem. Though you did the same, it was great knowing someone would give that same love back.

He was so affectionate and always greeted you with a grin and a kiss on the cheek. “Darling,” “love,” and “angel,” were synonymous with your name at this point. Ben invited you out to grab food, or watch a movie, or go shopping, and he always paid without fail. When you left his presence, when you looked down upon yourself, “I love you’s” from him were always, always there. Ben embraced you with open arms, in a figurative way and literally.

He was home. Simple as that.

Your friends summed it up when they said that you and Ben were like,”an old, married couple.” His warmth spread into your heart and now it felt like it was squeezing it. Squeezing it and then dropping it on the floor. Multiple times. Strange enough, you hadn’t changed much on the outside. You were still the same old Y/N around him but the second you got home, everything changed. You sat at your desk, head in hands. You were supposed to be doing homework but that was thrown out the window once you hung out with him that day, your mind taken over.

On those complicated nights, you contemplated telling Ben everything: how you planned out your words so you wouldn’t say anything stupid around him, how you sat alone with your thoughts at night just thinking, thinking about him, how his “I love you” made your heart pang with longing and fondness. You were worried everything would change. Even though you knew if you became a couple, nothing would become any different than before.

You could not take that chance. You couldn’t risk losing Ben.

--

You were laying down on Ben’s chest, him propped up on his backpack against the wall in the drama room. Both of you were reading from the script in your hands. His chin was on your head and you could feel him mouthing the words to his lines. He was playing with your hair mindlessly, this affection, again, extremely apparent. You turned your head to look at him and poked his cheek, to which he responded by puffing out his cheeks. Both of you laughed and resumed your routine, watching your ever chaotic drama mates be loud and rehearse, all in preparation for your last ever play before university: Romeo and Juliet.

Ben was cast as Romeo and you, Juliet. Before, you both had preferred taking side roles. You two were hidden gems, the quiet ones, but Isabel had pushed you to try to take the lead one time. Everyone was working as hard as ever to make the play special; a fourth of the club was off to uni after this year.

He put his arms around your waist, squeezed your body tight, and nuzzled his face into your shoulder as you read out loud, “O gentle Romeo, / If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully.” He read his part and you both read until Juliet had to leave.

You could feel Ben’s chest go up and down as he breathed steadily. It was as if there was no one else in the room other than you two as you practiced your lines. You recited,

“And yet I wish but for the thing I have:

My bounty is as boundless as the sea,

My love as deep; the more I give to thee,

The more I have, for both are infinite.”

--

Tonight was the last performance of Romeo and Juliet. It was extremely bittersweet. You could see how everyone had improved in their methods over the years and today was the last demonstration of that, the last day everyone would truly be together like this. Everyone was going to different universities, all for different reasons and majors. Romeo and Juliet was your final curtain.

Ben’s family came to you after you dressed out of your costume. They gave you flowers and sung their praises at your performance. They gave you a ride to the diner where you were to meet with the rest of the club to celebrate your successful performances.

Both of you shuffled into a booth in the corner along with the other 4 members who had their last performances sat with you. You and Ben ordered your normal stack of pancakes and fruit. He had his arm around you the entire time, switching from your shoulder to your waist every once in a while as you both conversed with the rest of your uni-bound friends. Your friend who was sitting on yours and Ben’s side left to talk with the lower classmen. Leaning against Ben, you put your feet up on the rest of the booth.

“Hand me my makeup wipes, yeah?” You asked Ben, pointing back to your bag on his side. You heard him rummaging around in your things.

“Here, love.” He gave you the wipes and you wiped off all of the heavy stage makeup, undid your hair, and shook it all out. You sat up again and looked up at him who looked as if he was watching you closely. It was only one second, though. Only one second.

--

Your food had come, the meal had been had, the cheerful crying at your third-to-last goodbyes to your group had ceased and now you and Ben were walking home together through the park close to your own house. The ground was wet with rain, though thankfully, it had subsided and there were no clouds lightening the night sky. The moon was full, the grass was dewy, and there was potential in the air. A spark.

As he walked alongside you, you thought of how his kiss during the play had stuck on your lips and how his hand tightly clasped in yours while you professed your love felt. Though the words of Juliet just flew through you, it all felt real, even with the period costumes and lights and stage. His lines were simply just that. Lines. Words that were written 400 years ago, in language from 400 years ago that he acted out on stage to you and you back to him. But it just felt real, much too real. You were alone with your thoughts once again, the subject of them standing just right beside you in silence himself.

“Y/N?” Ben piped up.

“Yes?” You looked at him looking up at the sky.

“Don’t you think how crazy it is that three years ago we met, we talked about why we joined the club, and you were really only here on a whim? Now tonight, it’s our last performance in this group ever. And you weren’t even sure if you wanted to stay! We’re here now and I was Romeo and you were my Juliet and—I just feel as if everything’s that led up to us being here was so special. Like you were meant by the universe to join the club, sit next to me and talk to me and be my best friend. You were a blessing, Y/N, my blessing, and I just-”

Your smile grew and grew and grew and your pulse quickened and everything felt wild. Absolutely, motherfucking wild. Your limbs were jelly. There were alarms going off in your brain “You just what, Ben?” You said softly, tears at your eyes at his lovely, lovely words. He turned to face you as you both stopped underneath a lamppost, the light and the moonlight softly illuminating features. Your best friend stepped closer to you. “You just what, Ben?” You now whispered, seeing his own gooey smile and his eyes, filled with tears, drop down to your lips and back up again to your eyes.

“I just—I love you, Y/N,” he whispered. “I love you more than anything.”

“I love you too, Ben.” Your grin was wide enough that it squeezed the tears out of your eyes. “I’ve loved you since, like, year 11!” You laughed while wiping away the wetness from your face.

He blushed and took your hand in his. “I got a crush on you two months after we met, dude.”

“No freaking way, Ben!” Your eyes went wide. He liked you for this long? And here you were contemplating everything, overthinking everything!

“Yes, way!” He laughed. “I didn’t want to leave it until we left to uni together because I know I’d be agonizing over it. They say uni’ll be the best years of our lives so… why not start it out with a bang? In more than one way, if you know what I’m saying…” he said playfully, winking. You rolled your eyes and made an attempt at pushing his shoulder, but you both snickered at his joke.

“I love you, Ben. Seriously.”

“And I love you, Y/N. Seriously.”