#im probably gonna go mad

[fire-but-ashes-too]

guess who's finally writinggggg

its meeeeeeeeeeee

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

apocalypse doodlings aka We Couldve Had Grey Hair Erik And Charles Is There Too I Guess

[fawfulydoo]

OK so keychains update

i'm gonna be using bigcartel. i remember i bought something from there from an artist i follow and it was preorders. i'm gonna go ahead and set up my shop there and get it all designed and stuff and start putting up stuff for preorder! i'll start with the superstar saga keychains and if that goes well i'll continue with the other invader zim keychains i have planned.

[maxthesillyy]

“so youre telling me i sacrificed arcadia bay JUST for max and chloe to break u—“ SHUT UPPPPP

turned off reblogs bc i dont trust this fandom

[pillarofna]

please help me by reblogging ‼️

hello im dylan. i make what money i can through doordashing but that barely covers even half of my bills and nowhere else will hire me rn (slow season in a tourist town). my car payment and car insurance are both scheduled to come out of my bank acct today and i barely have enough to cover the $135 in my checking account leaving me to have to use my credit card for my $150 car insurance. i also really need to buy groceries and get gas which i desperately need to keep working.

i currently am over $1000 in debt on my credit card and i really can’t afford to keep piling up the bills on it. the monthly fee ($99) for my HRT service just came out as well so i really need at least $400.

$155 (insurance) + $99 (hrt) + $60 (gas) + $100 (groceries) to at least get my credit card back down to only owing $1000. ideally i want to pay that all off but i know there’s no way i’m crowdfunding 1400. thank you guys this isnt terribly urgent but the sooner i can pay it off the better. ❤️

$60 / $400

[amelia-yap]

AUEGH

[pcktknife]

I am simultaneously the luckiest and unluckiest fucker ever I can't believe this

[buwheal]

Is there a place you could slip off to and wash your clothes or get a change of clothes? Even if they don't stay clean, just that little piece of freshness might perk your system up for a bit. (Not trying to pick on you, I know you're in a tough spot. Stay safe-- Love you, buddy.)

[defiledtomb]

you know when you're going through a high stress situation that is prolonged and agonizing but you've put on a brave face and you think you've got this! 💪 and then a week into it you accidentally burn your quinoa and there's smoke and all of a sudden your skin is sloughing off and you feel like alice about to be swept away in a tide of her own tears? mmnnmm yeag.

[rapidhighway]

grrgrrrrrrr grrrarghhhhh

[qoldenskies]

Babagril I adore clipped wings and you are feeding my insatiable hunger for heavy angst and impeccable writing but I am a littol concerned about how fast you're putting chapters out recently. I know they've been on the shorter side compared to the beginning but plase don't push yourself too hard okies? We can wait, I just don't want you getting burnt out or something :(

Also you are so meanies to us why must Donnie constantly go through the horrors its the fic ive always craved and I am sobbing, thank youuu

hey hey im fine!! i should probably clarify that im genuinely just a fast writer and im. yknow. an unemployed 18 year old who doesnt have much to do other than stuff like this, and im fed and moved along by all the praise and kindness. you dont have to worry about me!! honestly a HUGE thing im aiming for while writing CW is the joy of getting to complete something, i actually crank these chapters out in like a sitting if im in a good mood LOL (theyre kind of scrappy, but im trying to combat my perfectionism. pretty much every time ive said im gonna take a bit i find myself too excited to, ive got a big hyperfixation on CC at the moment and all of the good reception has gotten me even more hyped bghdghfh. you have NO idea how much i stare at the fanart you guys have made for me ily....). for my next project i plan on writing a lot in advance and pacing myself better (especially because i want to do longer chapters for it), but for CW im happy to just speed through!!

^^ helped along by the fact that im trying to avoid making chapters long for the sake of it now. i dont really have a goal in mind for wordcount with this next set, because i think i want to think in what progresses more than that

and thank you!! teehee the thing i want to move to next is so much sillier but i do enjoy taking a real good dip into The Horrors....... not sure where i'll be going after wwww but its planned to be a HUGE undertaking anyway. but i will probably be returning to the horrors. and maybe CVD ive missed her my love

[possamble]

I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way

[pseudophan]

gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow

[arson-09]

And everybody said

Save a horse, ride a cowboy!

Cowboy Tamlin Design!!! I don’t want to talk about how long this took me (and how im still meh about the results but im determined to post this) close ups down below with my notes

Full body | Napping with Eilionoir Muir (his horse) (note: I hate drawing hats) | Tamlin awoken by the ranch dogs barking (Note: woke up cause the dogs were barking something fierce) (note: not as built as my acotar design)

Belt Buckle and Fiddle design (Note: fiddle he definitely didn’t get from the devil) | Bound journal (Note: He writes in a mix of languages to keep it extra secure. English, Gaelic, Spanish, indigenous languages) | His boots

[way2gosuperrstarr]

watch my body disintegrate into a pile of ash like a cartoon character who just got struck by a lightning bolt (JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN) (just got off work)