#im probably gonna go mad
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
guess who's finally writinggggg
its meeeeeeeeeeee
#just 300 words#but STILL#and its all description :D#my beloved descriptions#very dramatic eheh#i decided that before writing the rogue#since i got a couple snippets here and there but nothing solids#i gotta build it up#so#i'll finally#start#to worldbuild#its not gonna end well#for sure#im probably gonna go mad#magic#government#laws#maps#send help
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
Despondency / Refuge
that's supposed to be Bennys lighter, the Courier is dealing with cosequences of being thrown into a mess they had nothing to do with
the halo was something that turned out on an accident but i love it
Rant below
#ARCADE PLS STRAIGHTEN OUT YOUR COLLAR ITS DRIVING ME MAD#fallout new vegas#arcade gannon#courier six#fnv#courier 6#my art#smoking#artists on tumblr#the cool halo effect is actually just moon photo set to burn on a white circle and yellow border#and the sky is a photo lmao#dont ask me where the light came from ive no idea its somewhere#i only know how to draw one type of shoes i rarely draw humans#furries mostly#yeah its gonna be a while probably till i draw anything like that it took FOREVER but damn im glad#fuck im lonely#once i wanted to go to art uni but then saw average pay in my country#back to studying#also from the last gannon post i read all the tags i love yall#vels spolski#firealpaca
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.
(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)
but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.
(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)
there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.
(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)
you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.
(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)
you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.
in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.
but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.
they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.
it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.
#spilled ink#warm up#can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically#i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason#it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism.#and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out#we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you.#this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism#where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off.#your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell#at the industry - you are probably not listening .#anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit#but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance#> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally#> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field#> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :)#(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice#i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what.#cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men.#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT.#instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them.#which btw. is like. actual feminism.)
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
apocalypse doodlings aka We Couldve Had Grey Hair Erik And Charles Is There Too I Guess
#mcu#xmen#xmen movies#xmen apocalypse#erik lehnsherr#magneto#charles xavier#professor x#cherik#not really but sssshh theyre in the same post#snap sketches#anyway Be Surprised If You Will i just intended to do practice drawings of charles tonight#charles doodle is a vague redraw of the first charles doodle i made so thats fun i GUESS#its been a hot minute and james' face still eludes me but we're getting somewhere Probably. i hope.#but then i remembered micheal said originally they were going to make erik's hair go white in apocalypse and i crumbled#and i was JUST gonna leave it at the first erik drawing but then i was like 'can i draw him chilling for once' so. pseudo screencap redraw#it was so funny drawing the first two back-to-back on the same canvas cause i had Charming Charles in one folder#and i open the second one and its. Rage. Anger. and then to round it off He Got Better :) vjealkeajvLK#sorry i made the charles drawing look like a dating sim screenshot i was gonna leave the bg blank but i got mad at it being blank#so i cobbled that together. i cobble a dating sim appropriate bg together vjelkjea#its so funny a lot of times ill be like 'i wont draw a bg' and then ill make a quick one anyway i cant resist i apologize#ok im so sleepy so goodnight team my head hurt
567 notes
·
View notes
Text
OK so keychains update
i'm gonna be using bigcartel. i remember i bought something from there from an artist i follow and it was preorders. i'm gonna go ahead and set up my shop there and get it all designed and stuff and start putting up stuff for preorder! i'll start with the superstar saga keychains and if that goes well i'll continue with the other invader zim keychains i have planned.
#acrylic keychain#idk how shop names work in terms of copyright so im probably gonna go with “mad cartoonist” for now ..
182 notes
·
View notes
Text
“so youre telling me i sacrificed arcadia bay JUST for max and chloe to break u—“ SHUT UPPPPP
turned off reblogs bc i dont trust this fandom
#on one hand. i can get it#the other hand.#the point of the sacrifice arcadia bay ending isnt to have pricefield happen. it’s to keep chloe alive.#and. accept the consequences of your actions. etc.#god im not touching this fandom for five thousand years jfc#this game is going to be the death of us#lis de#lis double exposure#life is strange de#life is strange double exposure#i hate amatonormativity GRGGRGRGRGRG#life is strange double exposure? more like life is amatonormativity: worse edition#slash silly#like if ur upset about them breaking up for different reasons#THATS OKAY!!! thats fine and im probably gonna end up agreeing with you#but if the reason ur mad. is because you sacrificed the town. SPECIFICALLY. so max and chloe would be together romanticallly.#then u missed the point
102 notes
·
View notes
Text
please help me by reblogging ‼️
hello im dylan. i make what money i can through doordashing but that barely covers even half of my bills and nowhere else will hire me rn (slow season in a tourist town). my car payment and car insurance are both scheduled to come out of my bank acct today and i barely have enough to cover the $135 in my checking account leaving me to have to use my credit card for my $150 car insurance. i also really need to buy groceries and get gas which i desperately need to keep working.
i currently am over $1000 in debt on my credit card and i really can’t afford to keep piling up the bills on it. the monthly fee ($99) for my HRT service just came out as well so i really need at least $400.
$155 (insurance) + $99 (hrt) + $60 (gas) + $100 (groceries) to at least get my credit card back down to only owing $1000. ideally i want to pay that all off but i know there’s no way i’m crowdfunding 1400. thank you guys this isnt terribly urgent but the sooner i can pay it off the better. ❤️
$60 / $400
#im so mad. my fucking car insurance price keeps going up and i dont know why. i dont get tickets i drive safely and make my car payments on#time. but nooo geico says kill yourself fagggot#anyway. of course no pressure to donate as always but sharing would be much appreciated#gonna queue this a bunch sorry in advance#thought i was over this!!! but nope. doordash doesnt pay jack shit either#if i cant figure something out ill have to move in w my mom across the country and id probably just kill myself there so! not ideal
220 notes
·
View notes
Text
AUEGH
#ruby rose#rwby#obligatory tiny distressed ruby#my art#HELLO I HAVE OFFICALLY FINISHED YET AGAIN ANOTHER ONE OF MY SEMESTERS#and holy shit it was the most awful by far#i felt like absolute shit the entire sem and was behind in literally all of my classes#it was so shit that i actually skipped a class because of the stress of being behind on work. which i had never done before.#i am a criminal now lmao i feel so bad#also a little mad at myself because i know i could've done better. i've been doing the bare minimum and cutting corners#which was very noticeable lol#im gonna actually split my upcoming semester this time my ass and health cannot do this anymore#BUT ANYWAY I FINISHED MY SEMESTER RAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#COUGHS OUT BLOOD AND SINKS BACK INTO EARTH'S CORE AND EVAPORATES#IM DONE!!!#also my eyes are really red now for some reason#probably from the lack of sleep or the long hours staring at my bloody laptop idk#probably both#yeah i should go sleep now lol bye#ranting in the tags because i don't know how to talk like a normal person lmao#sorry if you read all this nonsense jkdhkfsdhfkhd#but i should be more active around here again!
369 notes
·
View notes
Text
I am simultaneously the luckiest and unluckiest fucker ever I can't believe this
#stupid fuckass house!!!!!!!! (<- leak in my room only. specifically over the good outlet where my tv and everything is)#i had to swap my tv with my computer desk which messes with my drawing situation cause now THOSE cords have to b moved#and my tv/switch/ps4/whatever cords probably dont even reach the outlet i was using in that area#and theres only FOUR OUTLETS IN THIS ROOM.#in the most inconvenient places ever and theres too many doors and i hate the street we're on and#i hate the east coast i hate these old ass houses i hate this stupid weather i miss my cali bedroom#okay whatever im gonna go fuck w these plugs see if i cant figure something out#not even that mad its just annoying#kae.txt
243 notes
·
View notes
Note
Is there a place you could slip off to and wash your clothes or get a change of clothes? Even if they don't stay clean, just that little piece of freshness might perk your system up for a bit. (Not trying to pick on you, I know you're in a tough spot. Stay safe-- Love you, buddy.)
#not doing the slight glitching cause i forgot loll#trying to get this one out just cause im not gonna be able to tomorrow maybe#oh well boohoo#Hes not mad hes just confused as to why youd say something like that#im not going to let you guys fuck up his mood this time with ignorance (not directed at you anon) because theres other things i would like#to be able to do that ive had storyboarded for a few weeks#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2#hrrrrggghhhh hrrgh#agrhhh#urgharrgh#out of context that quote probably sounds wrong LMAOO#Shut up dont say anything about it#i have more thoughts but im eepy i forgor so ill maybe add them tomorrow idk
85 notes
·
View notes
Text
you know when you're going through a high stress situation that is prolonged and agonizing but you've put on a brave face and you think you've got this! 💪 and then a week into it you accidentally burn your quinoa and there's smoke and all of a sudden your skin is sloughing off and you feel like alice about to be swept away in a tide of her own tears? mmnnmm yeag.
#i cant fucking do this not at all actually im very scared and i have no idea what im gonna ddo for money and yeah i am. so scared#money isn't even scary if i can just find a job! but i need an apartment but i can't find an apartment unless i can pay for the rent#and i have to contact The Dude at some point but uh. hes mad. im scared.#augh delete later probably. im sitting on the stairs outside and smoking a cigarette which i really shouldn't do#did I tell you i was scared. i have these cruel nightmares of roaming the streets looking for nala and not finding her#and i wake up in a cold sweat in a panic not knowing where i am. everything is so unfamiliar !!!!#if things ever work out for me if i can find the money for deposit or get my investments back somehow i swear i will spend a month in compl#ete silence staring at the cieling just processing this#right now everything feels so GO GO GO and i am scared it might break me. i do not have the time for chronic ilness right now yk.#tummy ache. chewing on my cheek.#nothing to do than try to stay positive but man. this really fucking sucks and is really unfair#who knew being a people pleaser with 0 boundaries would come back to bite me in the ass.#/groan/
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
grrgrrrrrrr grrrarghhhhh
#will it ever end (i made like 3 things i should have like 30 probably#oh well#5 more hours then i can fucking. rest#im hoping to impress with my crayyzeyy perspe skills or something lmfooo#shes gonna be mad about more important things more such as i dont go to class 💀💀💀💀😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
72 notes
·
View notes
Text
I go from not drawing for months to being hit with inspiration at midnight when I'm supposed to be studying and furiously sketching like a man possessed
#my art#cherry doodles#alnst#alien stage#SO HEAR ME OUT#ALNST ALICE IN WONDERLAND AU#this has probably already been done but WHO CARES#so we got mad hatter hyuna in a pirate queen aesthetic#who has tea parties with rabbit mizi#we got fake ass smile shit eating grin ivan who fcks around with alice till#alice till who spotted rabbit mizi and fell in love and followed her down the rabbit hole#and of course we have the trigger happy crazy red queen luka#whos chopping off heads left and right#and has History with mad hatter hyuna#and then finally we got caterpillar sua#who has literally zero fucks to give unless your name starts with an m and ends with izi#anyways sua's design im imagining more of a butterfly-jellyfish design instead of caterpillar#very puffy and flowy#i rlly wanna put till in a dress but i think ill put him in those effeminate/young boy type of aristocratic clothes#luka is full-on brat girl queen clothes#im a little stuck on ivan's clothes bc i feel like his is gonna end up the most boring of the cast so im thinking more on it#i think i might go with that black butler type of gothic style for him#i wanna keep his design relatively clean but not too bland
22 notes
·
View notes
Note
Babagril I adore clipped wings and you are feeding my insatiable hunger for heavy angst and impeccable writing but I am a littol concerned about how fast you're putting chapters out recently. I know they've been on the shorter side compared to the beginning but plase don't push yourself too hard okies? We can wait, I just don't want you getting burnt out or something :(
Also you are so meanies to us why must Donnie constantly go through the horrors its the fic ive always craved and I am sobbing, thank youuu
hey hey im fine!! i should probably clarify that im genuinely just a fast writer and im. yknow. an unemployed 18 year old who doesnt have much to do other than stuff like this, and im fed and moved along by all the praise and kindness. you dont have to worry about me!! honestly a HUGE thing im aiming for while writing CW is the joy of getting to complete something, i actually crank these chapters out in like a sitting if im in a good mood LOL (theyre kind of scrappy, but im trying to combat my perfectionism. pretty much every time ive said im gonna take a bit i find myself too excited to, ive got a big hyperfixation on CC at the moment and all of the good reception has gotten me even more hyped bghdghfh. you have NO idea how much i stare at the fanart you guys have made for me ily....). for my next project i plan on writing a lot in advance and pacing myself better (especially because i want to do longer chapters for it), but for CW im happy to just speed through!!
^^ helped along by the fact that im trying to avoid making chapters long for the sake of it now. i dont really have a goal in mind for wordcount with this next set, because i think i want to think in what progresses more than that
and thank you!! teehee the thing i want to move to next is so much sillier but i do enjoy taking a real good dip into The Horrors....... not sure where i'll be going after wwww but its planned to be a HUGE undertaking anyway. but i will probably be returning to the horrors. and maybe CVD ive missed her my love
#ask#i probably got so invested in donnie because i am an INSANE workaholic when it comes to my writing#its my one Thing. i was always considered prodigious in it and nothing else so i attach pretty much Everything to it#im the person who wrote a 11k word narrative essay in seventh grade. for funsies#just the kind of person i am. ive always been super go big or go home with it#i like the DAZZLE..... i live to impress. probably why i was mad CL couldnt be a oneshot#it was such a flex.... oh well#finally having actual praise for my work. like REAL praise#is what's making me go so fast and so hard. ive been starved!!#i relate a little too much to that fuckin purple guy sometimes and it makes me UNCOMFORTABLEEEEE#even then i feel like i could do better. i could go harder. YOU HAVENT SEEN MY PEAK#okay yes you have it was CL. BUT ONE DAY IM GONNA DO IT AGAIN
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Him? Oh, you know, he's kind of a loser." - probably everyone except for his younger brother.
Germaine is based on the layer of hell (Dante's Inferno) for material wealth before self, others, and god. So basically very materialistic and possessive of his belongings. Unfortunately, his younger brother qualifies as a belonging in his mind. So he does his absolute best to keep his brother safe and sound and scratch free - which is a bit tough in a post apocalyptic setting but he mostly manages.
Also a fact I just like to mention: he is incapable of lying.
#my characters#germaine wellington#welp guess who watched an anime recently (its not complete) and the dad of the mc made em think of a loserman big brother oc#its me! correct! the dad just reminded me a bit of germaine and i blame appearances mostly but also the dad was kind of a loser (i love him#and germaine does practically raise tremaine which further messes up their absolutely awful codependency#like yeah both brothers would kill for many reasons (survival and resources mainly) but !#if tremaine lost germaine hed probably cry and become incapable of moving on and eventually just dying w no reason to live#but if germaine lost tremaine hed go insane cause no no no thats HIS brother and hed start blaming everyone#and lose all rationale and logic while hes actually one of the most logic based in the group#hes a loser but dont let him lose things or he loses it more#but when hes really mad at tremaine for whatever reason his best friend is like uh huh what are you gonna do about it#and germaine is like........... we both know i will sigh and accept it and probably pat him on the head next i see him#which is incredibly honest and exactly what he does because yeah hes mad but even mad he cannot say#im gonna slap some sense into him because thats a lie he wouldn't hurt his brother#everyone in their group knows he cant lie so when he gets hesitant after being asked something they just know#hes trying to plot the best way to skirt the answer bc its apparently Not Good#he looks angry and annoyed often but its just resting bitch face#he lights up when he sees tremaine and he lightens up a little with his best friend#like lil smiles for his bestie and brother but when talking ABOUT his brother? he lights up and beams because hes so proud#of the coolest and smartest thing in his life (his brother)
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
36 notes
·
View notes