#im on sleeping meds and this might not be coherent at all

[leprosycock]

been putting some thought into things and with some tinhatting from joan and sea, i'm settled in the offbrand debacle theory hinging either mostly or entirely on the combined debacle of jrma's soft retirement and the streaming bubble popping along with the offbrand xmas party . follow this with me if you will:

jrma announces his soft retirement early last year. it's springtime. post-str3amer awards, pre-house fIipper. it's set to happen in 2024, but who are we kidding, he made his decision right then and there. 2023 was soft and unremarkable and the biggest streams he did were house fIipper and the shuffle stream. not very remarkable for a sendoff, but it was a sendoff nonetheless.

Iudwig hires jrma to be part of offbrand. he says it's the coolest thing about working there. jrma has always said he's wanted to retire in production and creative direction. it seems like an eventual happy ending for the time being.

Iudwig is extremely volatile, bitter, mean, standoffish, jealous, and snippy during house fIipper 1. he softens only when he gets to talk to j, who showers him in endless praise in turn. it's a fairly normal dynamic for them with lud just being especially pissy when jrma divides his time simply due to the nature of the game.

jrma and Iudwig are close enough over the summer where Iudwig races ahead of the group in qt's twitchcon vlog to hug jrma when they meet up for dinner, borrows jrma's con pass to give to qt when she loses hers, and offers jrma's setup to spu/uky to use at his leisure. things are going remarkably well.

2023 is sparse for collabs and the next biggest stream we get between them is the shuffle stream, where jrma puts on his typical self-fellating charade with costume changes and an elaborate performance and he and lud gaybait and play around with each other for hours. lud beams and glows and he and j are ecstatic just to be in close proximity to one another, touching each other whenever they can. they seem to adore each other.

the next stream we get is house fIipper 2. lud is noticeably weird and overly sentimental, full of stilted, out-of-character praise, petting jrma whenever he can and cooing at him, telling him how good he looks. it's rife with tension and it's easy to tell that something is amiss just from Iudwig's attitude.

next we have the offbrand christmas party that qt was forcibly absent from. she asked when it was, Iudwig said they weren't having one. she bugs him and bugs him and he dismisses her at every turn. he lies and says he's just gonna go out for the night and qt finds out that he was at the offbrand party via shakedrizzIe posting about it on instagram. she has a breakdown about it on stream and lud offers no real excuses, avoiding the subject instead. jrma was present. qt was not. on purpose. for reasons unknown.

this coincides with a very steady and rapid decline of streaming numbers. twitch is falling apart and youtube isn't fairing much better. especially when you've been maligned as a react andy and the public has turned against your bread and butter.

almost immediately after this party, dodgeball takes place and lud is mysteriously absent from all credits despite this being an offbrand project. st4nz is less than friendly towards him. afterwards, lud sharply and shortly mentions on stream that he had nothing to do with the production of the project at all.

sure enough, his name is largely removed from the company website and references to him being the founder and owner.

after this, lud lashes out at a small streamer who remarks that she's only familiar with him because of dollhouse and he has a mental breakdown rife with bitterness and indignation, wondering furiously if he's only ever going to be known for that stream, if that's all he'll ever be.

he and jrma are not seated together at the 2024 awards. jrma gets a vague passing mention in the offbrand ad that plays a few times and one more mention during a clip comp. that's all, compared to last year's insane tribute montage narrated by lud, the two of them sitting together, tweets, etc etc. he is also mysteriously absent from the name your pr1ce photoset posted by austin and will despite being a highly anticipated guest at the con show.

very odd timeline with a very sudden turn of events. it makes you think. it also makes one consider how Iudwig, in all his former trauma kid and personality disorder glory, links money to affection and affection to money. his love language is buying gifts. his love language is being gifted to, being showered with riches and glory, and i believe that something like that being revoked from him is akin to outright abandonment. abandonment is a terminal disease and one that becomes necrotized over time and rots from within and Iudwig is a devastating victim to it. his daddy dies and leaves him for dead to fend for himself and then, decades later, his second daddy dies and leaves him for dead to fend for himself once again.

i believe that once he realized that jrma was not going to be able to singlehandedly finance their fake fucking company where they scribble in lisa frank coloring books all day and poke st4nz with a cattle prod for fun, lud assumed he was in yet another state of abandonment and this didn't truly hit until lud either came to terms with this suddenly or he discussed it with jrma during the christmas party. jrma cannot keep offbrand afloat, he can't keep Iudwig afloat. by being unable to keep Iudwig afloat, he is no longer loyal. he no longer adores him. he is no longer Iudwig's teacher/mentor/father/crush and he is instead a selfish, unloving predator looking to take advantage of Iudwig and offer nothing in return—the offer that was always meant to be given was his body and his money and his time and his work.

because Iudwig is an insane person, i believe he took this as a personal jab and thinks that this was a long con in order to undermine Iudwig and the plan that he had for them to retire together. after everything that Iudwig has done for him and offered him, it's thrown back in lud's face. dollhouse was a scheme. replacement was a scheme. bro v bro was a scheme. everything that jrma has done is for the sake of entrapping Iudwig, making him soft and pliable, working his way into lud's heart in ways that no other person has managed to do before. and that's terrifying to Iudwig. compliments mean nothing to him, except when they come from jrma. it makes his chest feel warm. jrma gives and jrma takes and this time he took too much. and it hurts.

[stellarbit]

i have a kinda strange ask.

so i have severe insomnia. i've done sleep studies and meds but sometimes i just CANNOT sleep, even as bad as multiple days no sleep. doctors and i are still working on a fix. it's a fucking nightmare (except i can't have nightmares if im not asleep, can i???)

i'm a very calm, quiet, logical, and collected person except when i can't sleep. then i'm a crying and genuinely insane wreck.

i would absolutely LOVE if you could do some kind of Crosshair x female reader with some kind of scenario like this. it would make me feel better. Like maybe he didn't see her sleep the previous night and finds her still awake at like 3am the next night and this normally stoic girl is just an absolute unhinged psychotic mess and he has to fix it 🤷🏻‍♀️

idk how far ur willing to go (leaving it up to you) but just as a general idea as to how i (and many other people with this problem) get without sleep, i can get kinda violent, super snippy with people, can't stop crying, impulsive, physically sick sometimes, and don't always sound coherent or refuse to listen to people even if they're trying to help me. it's not a fun mental state to be in.

i'm never sleeping so i might as well read your literature (it's like a nightly ritual i love your stuff)

thank you 🙏

I know what it's like. Insomnia kicks my ass occasionally and it wrecks me and takes days of my life away before I can finally sleep. I hope you find some rest buddy <3 alsothankyouforthecomplimentjfc

give this a listen while you read

Just Lay With Me

Word Count: 1.5k Pairing: Crosshair x fem!reader SFW Warnings: insomnia kicking your ass all the way to next Sunday Summary: After a long bout of no sleep, you break and Crosshair is there to pick up the pieces. gif credit: @moonstrider9904

Sleep evaded you more and more often lately. Your new normal was turning into nights without more than an hour of dozing off. Nights that stretched into a week at a time with an occasional night of sleep, however restless. This time around the sleepless nights were quickly working their way to a month’s stretch.

After a few nights of frequently waking, two rotations went by without so much as a blink of sleep. At this point you weren’t just delirious, nausea turned your stomach and your head throbbed constantly. Every sound jarred you, pushing you to the brink of crying each time. 

Unable to string together more than a few coherent thoughts at a time, you’d planned on avoiding town the next. You were liable to snap at the smallest slight, but even in this state you knew it wasn’t fair to others.

By the time Crosshair came to find you, you were well beyond your limit.

Crosshair noticed your erratic behavior first. You’d snapped at Omega when she and Crosshair bumped into you on the street. Crosshair tried to stop you from walking off but you bit his head off too.

It was unlike you. Ordinarily, you were composed and rational—characteristics that had faded as your sleepless nights dragged on.

Your increasingly disheveled look became Crosshair’s next worry. You didn’t preen by any stretch of the imagination, but you took care of yourself and it always showed. Now, your skin took on a dull hue, your hair greasy and untamed, and dark circles gave your eyes a sunken appearance.

The night before he and Omega ran into you, Crosshair had noticed a light on in your home around 2 AM. Knowing you weren't typically up at that hour, he found it strange. The following evening, as he lay in bed, thoughts of your earlier encounter in town filled his mind. With a growing suspicion, he rose and stepped out to the patio. From there, he could see a dim light shining from your bedroom window.

He knew what insomnia looked like, had fought with it himself after being trapped on that Kaminoan platform, and didn’t want to push you if his suspicions were true. 

Then, the sound of glass shattering from your home shattered his hesitation. He leapt over the patio railing, his feet barely touching the ground as he dashed toward your house. Fortunately, your door was unlocked—an issue he noted to address later—and he entered your home in seconds.. 

He didn’t call out for you, instead choosing to quietly make his way through your space, tiptoeing through scattered blankets and clothes strewn over furniture. When he found you, you were on your kitchen floor, hunched over with your hands fisting your hair. 

Soft heaves shook your body as you rocked in place. Broken glass surrounded you, making the situation even more delicate.

Crosshair had been right, you hadn’t been sleeping.

Knowing there was no good way to break the silence, Crosshair softly called your name. Sure enough, you jumped hard and nearly slid onto a shard of glass.

Crosshair lurched forward to steady you by your upper arm only for you to rip out of his grip. You whipped your head around, hair falling in your face in a deranged look. It fit seeing as you certainly felt deranged. 

The sniper’s eyes were uncharacteristically soft, with brows slightly raised and shoulders relaxed. It felt like pity. Red hot shame flooded your system, sending you shuffling like a newborn fawn to your feet. 

In a harsh, hoarse voice you lashed out, “What are you doing here?”

Crosshair glanced at the mess around you.“Your lights were on and I heard something break.” You didn’t answer leaving only heavy silence between you. Crosshair sighed, looking back at you. “You’re not sleeping, are you?”

There wasn’t enough air for you to answer, your breath hitched into small gasps as tears warped your vision. Dipping your head back, you managed to blink back some of the wet from your eyes. With a determined shake of your head, you cleared your voice and firmly said, “I’m fine.” 

A line in the sand between you - a desperate claim to control something, anything.

His eyes on you, those sharp, all seeing, critical eyes, made your skin crawl. Not him specifically, but him seeing you as you were. This wasn’t how you wanted him to see you. Unable to stop the uncomfortable squirm that rolled through you, you waved both hands at him as if to ward him off.

“Please just leave.” Your voice was pleading, your eyes blinking furiously. 

“I’m not doing that.” Crosshair said gently. You weren’t sure if your tears, the lighting, or reality itself made Crosshair look so hazy.

Perhaps this was the next step into delirium. The thought widened your eyes with newfound fear. He’d appeared so suddenly - was he even real? Crosshair narrowed a worried look on you as a fresh, sickening feeling gripped you, spurring you back a step. Right onto a shard of glass.

You cried out, nearly collapsing, but Crosshair was quick to support you, preventing you from falling completely. The pain shooting through your foot crumbled your remaining resolve.

Crosshair swept an arm under your knees to scoop you into his arms. He hugged you close, even as you thrashed against him in fits of sobbing. He carried you to the bathroom and carefully set you on the edge of the tub.

Despite the sobs, you let Crosshair put your injured foot under the tap and rinse the blood still seeping from your wound. He felt the tremors wracking your body as he angled your foot towards him. Luckily the shard was sticking out enough that removing it would be easy enough under normal circumstances.

“I have to pull the shard out.” Crosshair said as inspected your foot. A choked sob pulled his eyes to your face again. Your lips wobbled in a devastated frown on your blotchy tear stained face.

Seeing you so fragile or haunted tore something in him knowing he could do little more than sit and watch you fall apart.

In an exhausted whisper, you confessed, “I’m so tired, Cross.”

“I know,” He whispered back and removed the shard in one swift pull.

Crosshair put your foot under the tepid water again, simultaneously pulling a towel from the rack beside him. As he dried your foot and applied pressure to the wound, he decided to share something.

“When the empire recovered me from the Kaminoan platform…” He paused on a deep breath. He hadn’t even told his brothers or Omega, but if he could do nothing else he hoped he could at least make you feel less alone.

Crosshair gently pulled you by your leg and pivoted you out of the tub. Braving vulnerability, he knelt in front of you and said, “I… I didn’t sleep for a long time. I don’t know how long, exactly, but long enough that I had to be sedated.” He smoothed a hand over your knee, adding, “I know what it’s like.”

You gave a small nod, focusing on regulating your breathing, too overwhelmed to speak. Sensing your need for comfort, Crosshair whispered, “Can I carry you to bed?” His tone was gentle, mindful not to startle you.

Your head fell forward in shame. Pressing a hand over your eyes you shook your head and mumbled, “It’s a mess.”

Crosshair couldn’t help the soft snort that came from him, drawing your head back up. A questioning, almost offended, look came over you. Crosshair didn’t ask for further permission as he came in close to you and lifted you with him. 

“You should see Tech’s room.” He teased, his breath warm on your cheek. “And he sleeps whenever he likes.”

The small joke did manage to lift your lips and you found some comfort in the cadence of his steps. He’d not yet gone this far for you. No one ever had. 

Crosshair crawled into bed with you still in his arms, pushing into your tousled duvet and placing you next to him. Leaning across you, he murmured an apology and froze before turning your light out.

Peering down past his arm at you, he swallowed before asking, “Do you mind if I stay with you?”

You didn’t think it was possible, but a small smile warbled over you. You hummed out an affirmative and rolled towards, rubbing your face into the soft fabric of his shirt. Crosshair chuckled under his breath and turned off the light.

He slid in next to you, sitting at an angle that his arms cradle around you. His made lazy trails over your back

“The kitchen-” you started.

“Tomorrow.” Crosshair cut you off. “For now, just lay with me.”

In the quiet hour, in your messy bed, in Crosshair’s arms you finally found rest.

[schizosupport]

hey, can i ask some advice? if u dont have any its fine!

i just got diagnosed and im getting on meds soon, and like, logically i know its good cause when im at my worst i am bad and i dont want to keep living life like that, but im terrified of medication like, any kind. the stuff im already on for like, chronic illness stuff was enough of a struggle but anti psychotics terrify me.

so basically, do u have any advice for someone getting on medication for the first time? i dont know anyone like me (schizophrenic style) and so i dont rlly have anyone to ask for advice

feel free to not answer if u dont want to, and thank u for ur time!!

Hey there anon!

My advice about antipsychotics, as well as any other psychiatric medication, is to give it a try with an open mind. Your mind should be open towards the possibility that this is helpful as well as the possibility that it's harmful. The most likely experience is that there will be things that suck about being on medication, and things that are easier on medication. And you need to be prepared to make a cost benefit analysis about what's right for you.

Another thing to keep in mind is "what kind and what dose". I often see people being put on a quite high dose right off the bat, because the psych has an idea that that's the "right dosis for psychosis". But actually people are very individual, and sometimes much less will do it.

I'm currently on the irriest bittiest baby dose of risperidone. When I was initially put on that 8-9 years ago, they soon gave me a dose that was much too high for me, and as a result I changed to another med (abilify) which was honestly way less compatible with me, but more tolerable at a higher dose.

So ... Doctors often don't like when you want to be informed and use Google to look into meds and stuff like that. But I cannot recommend it enough to look up the standard doses of the medication you get described, and see where your dose falls. If the med isn't having the desired effect, your psych might continue to increase the dose. It's good to know when enough is enough. Don't look up the side effects, but do keep a little list/diary about emerging physical or mental symptoms. And have someone else crosscheck that with the side effects at a point.

Some psychs will prescribe more than one antipsychotic to the same person long term. This is generally not recommended, so especially as an initial move, that would be a red flag to me. Same can be said for starting you out on a high dose, when it sounds like you aren't currently in a psychotic episode. If the med is intended as a longer-term stabilizer and not a way to shut down a psychotic episode, it shouldn't be at too high a dose. For many reasons, up to and including, you want to leave room to increase the dose if you do have a major psychotic episode and need extra help coming out of it.

With all those precautions made I also wanna say that antipsychotics CAN be a good and helpful tool. For me they help me sleep and they take the edge off in a way that nothing else really does. They increase my coherence and they give me a thicker skin to deal with the difficulties of life. In that way they make me stronger.

[mamaangiwine]

Hi, it's me again, i have another dream i thought you'd find cool! If you don't want to interpret it because you've done one for me before it's totally fine! Its just so wild i wanted to share.

I was God, or a God, and i came down to Earth. When i looked at Earth and it's people i didn't see a blue planet, i saw a giant room shaped like a cube filled with randomly placed, basically shaped, columns and platforms which people stood on. People looked like people, but they also looked like simplified shapes. It felt like i was looking at code when i looked at the world and people. I placed myself in an upper middle platform in the bottom left of the cube with some people, and when i did i became more human. I held onto a piller and looked over the edge and said something like "wow thats a scary drop" to which someone behind me responded "yup, I'd hate to be pushed of that ledge" i turned towards him and said "now that you said something im worried!" And we laughed, like a big laugh, and i physically felt my real body giggling and smiling in my sleep. Thats when i realized i was in some weird half asleep half awake stage. I could move and feel my real body but i was dreaming. At somepoint i ate some food that tasted SO good i swore it was real. Then i realized i had powers. Powers like whatever i wanted to happen, happened. Snaping away something in the blink of an eye, moving something with my mind, ect. So i decided to help everyone i could. With my powers i protected and saved people from evil forces. One guy had some evil thing in him and tried running right at me but i froze him in time and exercised the thing inside him. With every interaction i make, i made a joke and made myself laugh in the dream and irl. I was GENUINELY funny but don't remember what i said. Eventually these Spanish speaking people spoke to me and i actually understood them! They said something like "death is coming" i said "don't worry, buenos noches". Then a much bigger evil force started taking over Cube Earth, so i did my best to evacuate people. Thats all i remember of that phase. Next i was looking at tapestries, but they represented human souls, and changed everytime i looked at them even though it was the same soul. Looking at the tapestries gave me such understanding and clairty of that person, i knew them like i knew themselves. I think i was guiding them to the afterlife and said things like "i understand, i know you did your best, its okay" and i woke up all the way.

It may be fair to mention, right before falling asleep i was contemplating the afterlife, and my insomnia meds didn't work for a while so I've been up all night and waking up early so im pretty sleep deprived which might be the cause of the vivid dreams I've had lately. The night before was also a strange dream. One thing they both had in common was they were very vivid and actually very coherent and not just a bunch of random stuff.

Anyways, do whatever you want with this info, hope you have a great day!

Heya,

So, yes. This is very, very cool. The theme of "change" is very present here.

I get this too sometimes, especially if I'm having fitful sleep, lol. Anywho- oof. There are definitely some symbols that I think I would not be able to fit into the space of a single tumblr post.

Like, you know, the whole "God" thing. Too much, dude. Too much, lol.

Anywho, I think it's interesting that you said Earth didn't look like 'Earth' but rather a cube/room. Cubes have four corners. Four, in western occultism, is considered a perfect number because it is the number two repeated. It is a solid number of solid foundation. It also represents knowledge and so it makes sense to me that you would have this sensation of looking at things as though they were data. Four is also the number of the elements, and I find it interesting that you found yourself in the lower left corner because, at least in my rituals, that is the corner in which the element of 'earth' resides.

This makes me wonder if you currently feel as though you are growing more knowledgeable in terms of spirituality, or perhaps you're getting better at navigating your own life- the mechanations of your own "world". That right now you have a good foundation, or if you're on the cusp of that kind of experience.

With that in mind, I feel like the "I'd hate to be pushed off that ledge" then acts as a congratulations, and a gentle warning. This, paired with the element of "earth", makes me feel as though you are/have been approaching this knowledge, and stage of your life, in a very grounded manner. Aware of the "fall" if you are to get ahead of yourself, and careful not to stretch yourself too thin (as seen when we compare the exorcism of one man, in comparison to saving the world from destruction- in the first you are capable of the whole of the task at hand, while in the second you focus on doing what you can).

Regardless, however. There will be a change ("death is coming") and this moment will have to pass into the next, as seen in the ultimate destruction of the world itself. As symbolized by the evacuation, you must take what you can in this "world" and go forward into the next "world". To the next moment. Remain grounded. Remember that, no matter how careful you are, eventually you must fall, and that all things end.

Moving onto the soul aspect of all of this- a tapestry is cloth woven to tell a complex story, but yeah, even that can't capture the complexities of the human soul. It's too stagnant. It would have to change. I particularly like that you are so affirming to these souls that you are directing into the afterlife. For me, it feels like you are capable of taking on that change with an air of understanding and humor, as seen initially with you laughing about falling in the beginning. Knowing that things can't stay the same, that energies must be redirected without negating the beauty of what has already transpired. That the tapestry must shift.

Thanks for sharing this, friend. I know it's been a minute and I really appreciate that you thought of sharing this with me.

[laufire]

Sorry for sending this message twice but I was still groggy from my sleep meds when I sent the first message and I’m worried that I might have been incoherent. I love your response to that “neurotypical feminism post”. Like the way they positioned experiences with street harassment as some privileged thing only non-disabled women deal with was disgusting. I’m an autistic woman (I do identify as nonbinary but I’m afab and femme presenting) and while I’ve only experienced street harassment once that one time was extremely traumatic and I just can’t believe anyone would frame that as a form of privilege (or imply disabled women don’t experience harassment because what???)

Don't worry, it was perfectly coherent ^-^ (I'll reply to this one since you say some of the same, with additional information).

First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. It can leave you feeling so furious and so powerless. That's what makes it so despicable to me.

That part of the post in particular was SO DAMN ENRAGING. If I cared to be generous I'd guess OP (or the bnf with the anxiety comment, for that matter) was saying something on the vein of, "we need to understand different women might experience different brands of misogyny, because women are different and misogyny has one (1) goal: screwing us all; and in order to get that, it adapts!"

But she used the term "hit on". That immediately put me on edge and I wasn't feeling too generous xDD

I've suffered various forms of street harassment in my life and the idea that not being on the receiving end of it could be a bad thing... gtfo of here lmao. Like I mentioned in that reply it's been a while since I've received the most "conventional" form (it hasn't saved me from the others!). But you know when it was that it happened last?

It was about three winters ago, right Before Covid TM. I had my unwashed hair all underneath a hat, baggy pants that are (and look!) over a decade old, and a bulky coat that goes down to my knees as I went to the grocery store for a snack. Oh, and get this: it was from the time my knee was really fucking me up. SO I WAS OUT WITH A FUCKING CANE, LOOKING LIKE A BALD BLACK BLOB WITH A STICK THAT VERY MUCH MADE ME "VISIBLY DISABLED". Did that stop the drunk 40+yo man from telling me exactly how he wanted to fuck me? Sure as fuck didn't. At least I had something at hand to beat him with if he'd decided to cross the line (+ I had pepper spray in my pocket. That purchase has given me a lot of peace of mind ngl).

I also remember the first time I was on the receiving end of street harassment. I was with two friends I stopped hanging out with not much later, so I must have been 9, 10yo at most. My friends were one year older than me, very blonde and very tall. My boobs had come early and they were not small. Apparently, these things meant these two 20yo guys from my hometown just HAD to follow us and comment on our bodies and just how bitchy all of us were for not meekly or graciously accepting their "compliments". The only reason I didn't leave this experience terrified is because of the circumstances (not being alone, small town where Someone Is Always Watching and you all know each other AND each other's family, which makes these men a tad more accountable than That Rando whistling at you in the city, ime).

Basically: street harassment is NOT ABOUT ATTRACTION. It's NOT a "compliment" about a woman's physical beauty. It's harassment. It's designed to terrorise you, plain and simple. Men will do it to children, like I was. They will do it to old women, to ugly women, to butch women, to Muslim women covered from head to toe... How you look can be the weapon used against you but it's not the point. They don't want to flirt with you or start a relationship with you or what have you. They want you scared and to "know your place". That's it.

This was never clearer to me than after covid's lockdown, btw. Here in Spain there was suddenly this fucking epidemic of harassment against women walking alone on the street, at any hour of the day. Masked, dressed plainly to do some basic errands, whatever. I guess confinement had left a lot of these men without the opportunity to terrorise women in this way and they were really itching for it rme (probably accompanied by a new progressive government implementing some laws they didn't like, I'm sure).

[hanniiesuckle17]

Love > Shame

A/n: im hoping i got the request right! Hope you all enjoy! (this is not thoroughly edited srryyyyy) also like frick ^^this video his vlog is the most boyfriend thing ever

Word Count: 4.3k

Warnings: cussing, partial nudity

Requested by: @ann0325441904​

Tag List: @distrikt9​ @mini-meanhoe​ @poeticallyspaghetti​ @hanstagrams​ @desertofdessert​ @yangomangos​ @hoes4hoseok​

Summary: Sometimes timing isn’t the best. With tensions high at work for Jisung and your time of the month really kicking you in the ass, a fight breaks out between you and your boyfriend leaving you completely alone in a country far away from your old family and friends. Misunderstood problems turn to jealous and catty fights. Is there any way the two of you can come back together?

Genre: romance, angst, fluff

◈

Pain shot through my abdomen. It was like someone was sticking eight thousand needles into my stomach repeatedly for the sole purpose of fucking with me. Fuck womanhood. The pain meds I took earlier were doing nothing to help. This was putting me in a terrible mood. 

The sound of shower running floated from behind the closed door of the adjoining bathroom. My longtime boyfriend, Jisung, lay just beyond it. It was easily one o’clock in the morning, but I always waited up for Jisung to return home from practice. He had also come home in a rather sour mood. 

Deciding that the leggings I was wearing were far too constricting to sleep in with cramps, I got up and waddled my way over to our big closet. Jisung and I both had enough clothes each to fill an entire apartment so when we were apartment hunting, a big closet was a must. 

I threw the pants in the hamper and grabbed one of Jisung’s t-shirts from his side of the closet. The soft black fabric fell around my thighs. Why Jisung bought shirts four times than his actual size was still a mystery to me. The pressure on my stomach lessened but still remained. 

The door opened to reveal a shirtless Jisung emerging from the bathroom. A pair of gray sweatpants hung low on his hips, the fabric making a swishing sound as he walked. It was clear he was still upset. Jisung roughly towel dried his hair, rubbing the cloth over his dark locks. “You still upset, babe?” I asked looking over at him. It took all my willpower not to snap out the words. He shook his head and looked over at me with a pointed glance. “You wanna talk about it?” 

Again, Jisung shook his head. “Ji, it’s not healthy to keep this bottled up. I think you might feel better if you would talk about it.” An aggravated sigh left his lips and he laid back on the bed. 

“Y/n. I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it.” 

It was hard to watch Jisung so upset. I walked over and laid next to him, trying to ignore the agonizing pain. My fingers traced random patterns against his stomach. The action usually calmed him down. However, he simply turned his head away from me tossing the towel somewhere else in the room. “Jisung, its not good to go to bed angry-”

“Babe, just leave me alone and stop being such a clingy bitch.”

I froze, hand hovering over his stomach. Silence hung heavy in the air. It seemed Jisung had no intention of taking back what he said. He didn’t even seem like he regretted it. “Excuse me?” I said sitting up in disbelief. 

I felt like screaming. Crying. Throwing everything in this room at Jisung’s little pimple head until it popped. “What?” He said rolling his eyes. Wet black hair hung in front of his vision. 

“Did you just....”

“Just get over it. I want to go to bed.”

“Get...over it?” I scoffed getting up from the bed. 

“Yes. You’re overreacting. Just get over it.” I shook my head in disbelief. This was not the Jisung that I knew. This was not the Jisung I was in love with. The boy who ran in the rain with me just to capture the perfect kiss on our first date. The boy who sent me love notes every day for two months until I agreed to go out with him. The one who stayed with me when my aunt died and I was too heartbroken to leave the bedroom since I couldn’t fly home for the funeral. The one who never went to sleep until he told me how much he loved me whether I was awake to hear it or not. 

“Look I get you’ve had a shitty day. But I’m not just someone you can push around Jisung. You know that.”

He sat up, clearly annoyed. “I’m not pushing you around!”

“You called me a bitch!”

“Well, you’re kind of acting like one!”

“Well, you’re kind of acting like an asshole.” Jisung rolled his eyes, pushing himself off the bed. Anger started to bubble up in my chest. “What the fuck, Ji?” 

“Look- I don’t owe you anything okay! All I wanted to do was come home and get to sleep. I don’t want to deal with all your nagging.” 

“Jisung I care about you. I love you! I’m just trying to help.”

Nothing seemed to make it better. Eventually, I stopped trying to be the good guy. I stopped trying to keep my voice quiet. If he was going to yell at me, then I would yell back. He couldn’t just walk all over me. My emotions broke loose along with the rest of hell. 

“I WORK ALL DAY! ALL YOU DO IS SIT ON YOUR ASS AT HOME ON YOUR COMPUTER. I’M TRYING TO PROVIDE FOR THE TWO OF US Y/N!” 

“SIT ON MY ASS? I’M TRYING TO GRADUATE JISUNG!”

“Listen I can’t deal with you anymore.” He said turning his back on me and looking out the window. The muscles in his back were tight and tense. “Just fuck off, Y/n.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. The pain in my stomach was just making me even angrier. “That’s it. Get out.” Jisung turned around in shock. He started stuttering and trying to form a coherent sentence. “You heard what I said. Out.” My finger pointed to the door furthering my stance on the situation.

“Y/n-”

“Get out, Jisung! Go sleep at the dorms.”

He started gathering his things, tugging on a random hoodie and slipping on some socks from the dresser. “This is is exactly what I was talking about.” He mumbled. Jisung stood up, clearly pissed off. He started towards the bedroom door but stopped and turned back until he was standing right in front of me. His wet hair was covered by a beanie, pushing it all in front of his eyes. “You know what, Y/n? Call me when you decide to stop being such a heartless bitch.” 

My hand flew across his cheek before I could even think. What surprised me...what hurt me....was that I didn’t regret it. Jisung stood in front of me, shocked, his eyes looked hurt. His doe eyes which I loved so much always told me what he was thinking. But, as they stared back at me, I didn’t recognize them. 

“I hate you...”

He sighed seeing a tear leak onto my cheek. His long fingers wrapped around my wrist, but I pulled away before he could get to close. His cheek was starting to turn red from when I hit him. “No...you don’t.” I looked away not wanting him to see me cry. Of course, he knew I was lying. There was nothing he didn’t know about me.

“I should....I should hate you...” He made no effort to reach out to me again. In all honesty, I didn’t know if I wanted him to right now. I wanted to push him away, but I also want him to hold me until everything was okay again. “Just go.”

After a moment, he nodded and I followed him to the front door. He picked up his keys and walked out into the hall, leaving me standing in the doorway. He turned back to me, like he was going to say something else, but stopped when he looked into my eyes. 

“Don’t call me,” I said, the last tear falling down my cheek as I shut the door.

◈

Two weeks had passed. It looked like Jisung and I were on a break. Whether it was temporary or for good I didn’t know. My hand brushed over Jisung’s side of the bed. The sheets were cold. They were never cold. Sunlight streamed in through the large glass window in our bedroom. Well...it wasn’t really ‘ours’ anymore. I sat up waiting for arms to pull me back down under the covers. Arms that never reached out. 

Mornings like these were usually spent in Jisung’s arms staring out at the skyline trying to convince him that he did indeed have to go to work. Lazy kisses, sleepy whispers even though no one else was in the room but us. There were no calls. No texts. Not even a fucking post on Instagram. Nothing. 

All my friends were back home. I was alone in Seoul. No one but Jisung. There was a knock at the front door. Dragging myself out of the queen size bed, my feet trudged over the wood floor in the apartment. I looked through the peephole only to find a huge stuffed bear looking back at me. 

“The fuck...” I mumbled. My fingers switched open the locks and opened the door. The teddy bear moved aside to reveal a face that made me burst into tears. “DANNY!” I screamed wrapping my arms around him.  

Daniel had been my friend practically since birth. We grew up next door to each other. Our parents even bathed us together. Daniel hugged me tight spinning me around in the hallway. It felt so good to see him again.

I would not have made it through high school in my home country if Danny hadn’t been with me. I had missed him so much. As most old friends did, we had dated for about six months in senior year but decided we were better off as we were before. Daniel was a sight for sore eyes.

“How are you here?” I asked cupping his face.

He smiled down at me. Even though he hadn’t had a growth spurt since the ninth grade it seemed he had sprouted another five inches. “I’ve been planning to surprise you! With finals coming up I knew you’d be busy, so I came down so we could party beforehand.” He ruffled my hair and moved past me into the apartment. “So, where is he? I want to meet the man officially!” 

Daniel looked around the quiet apartment before turning back to me expectantly. Jisung. He was looking for Jisung. Just the thought of him made me sad. Danny’s smile fell seeing my expression. “Y/n, what’s wrong?” He brought me further into the apartment and closed the door. “Did I say something?” 

I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair. “Do you want some tea?” Looking for anything to distract me I moved to the kitchen and put a kettle on the stove. Before I could turn the switch, a hand came over mine.

“Y/n, did something happen with you and Jisung?” 

He sighed watching me nod. The silence only lasted a moment before Daniel pulled me into another warm hug. The feeling of his arms around me was comforting, but not fulfilling. There was something missing about the way he hugged me. 

My hair. Every time Jisung hugged me, one of his hands would always hold my head to his chest. His fingers would stroke my hair, lingering at the base of my neck. It was a small thing. A very Jisung thing. But, a small thing I missed none the less. I felt empty without his fingers threading through my hair.

“You know what we should do?” I hummed in response as he pulled away, keeping his hands on my shoulders. “Let’s go drinking!” Daniel was always dragging me on wild adventures. He could never sit still. That’s probably why we never worked out. While I loved a good adventure, sometimes I wanted to just sit with a good book, or just lie in bed listening to the rain. 

“Fine. But, you’re paying.” He cheered and rushed off to go change and I found myself doing the same. Hopefully, I could get Jisung off of my mind.

◈

My eyes looked across the room from over the rim of a martini glass. The heels of my shoes lay firmly hooked over the bottom of the bar stool. “What happened anyway?” Daniel said over the thumping music. He sat next to me at the bar of the nightclub we were in, taking a swig from an overpriced bottle of beer. 

A sigh floated past my lips. My fingers traced the base of the elegant glass. “We got into a stupid fight. I regret almost everything. If I wasn’t on my fucking period I probably wouldn’t have acted so rashly. It wasn’t all my fault though. He’s the one who called me a ‘heartless bitch’.” Daniel spit out the beer he was currently drinking. 

“He what?!” 

“He was just angry.”

“That’s no excuse.” 

I sighed, rubbing my temples. “If it helps I did slap him.” Daniel let loose a little smile and took another sip from his drink. “He had a really bad day. He wouldn’t talk to me. I was just trying to help.” I watched Daniel’s brows furrow. The base of his beer bottle was rolling around the bar top as he thought. 

“Do you remember in sophomore year, I had just gotten into a massive fight with my parent about school and I wouldn’t tell you anything about it.”

“Yeah. It pissed me off. You clearly needed to vent. You ended up punching Marty Finch in anger the next day.” 

Daniel laughed before turning towards me again, eyes serious. “Well, I was too ashamed to talk to you about it. Then, I mean. You were always much better than me in school. I didn’t want you to think less of me because I was having so much trouble with something so simple.” I stared into the clear liquid in my glass. “What I’m saying is...he may have felt like you would have seen him as less of a man if he told you how he was feeling at the time.” 

Daniel reached over and took my hand in his, laying it on the bartop. “He still didn’t have to call me a bitch though,” I said with a sad smile on my lips. 

“Yeah, no. That was a fucking asshole move.” My friend glanced down at my now empty drink. “Another gin martini, dry.” He said to the bartender, who removed my empty glass. Daniel scanned my face. It was hard to hide the depressing way I was feeling. “You really miss him don’t you?”

I nodded, looking away from him and out into the club. “I really do. Danny, I miss him so fucking mu-” I froze. I must be imagining things. My eyes must be lying to me because there was no way I was looking at Jisung sitting on the other side of the club. His arm was draped around a girl with dyed hair. Her hand was squeezing his thigh as he whispered something in his ear. His eyes met mine.

There was a flash of something. Sadness? Guilt? Longing? But, it disappeared before I could question it. Daniel followed my gaze, tapping his finger against the back of my hand. “What’s up? Who is that?” Anger started to boil in the pit of my stomach. Maybe not anger. Anger wasn’t a good word. It hurt more than it made me angry. Jealousy. Jealousy is what was eating away at my insides as his hand played with her hair. 

Danny looked over at the man who used to be mine with a curious gaze. “Jisung,” I whispered, turning back and downing the new martini in one gulp. The alcohol burned the back of my throat distracting me from the stabbing pain in my heart. 

Daniel started to get up, fury in his eyes burning like white hot flames. My hand stopped him from doing something he would later probably not regret at all. “Y/n- are you kidding right now? I’m gonna kill him!”

“Danny, stop. Let’s just go.” 

I took his hand in mine and dragged him away from the bar. The air around me felt heavy. Like I was up on a mountain. Pushing away the pain in my chest I dragged my friend away from the club, not feeling the pair of doe eyes on my back. 

◈

The drone of the television played through the apartment. It was raining outside. It had been raining since the night of the club about four days ago. Daniel sat on my couch, my legs across his lap. A half empty bottle of wine sat on the coffee table and a fully drained one lay next to it. Much alcohol had been consumed in the past few days between the two of us. Daniel; to make me feel better. Me; to forget about the hurt I felt in my chest. 

A light buzz was hovering in my brain as I took another sip from my wine glass. “I know that now is probably not the time,” Daniel said, changing topics. “But, I had a question to ask you about Marin.” 

Marin was Daniel’s girlfriend. She was quite possibly the sweetest person I had ever met. Daniel was lucky to have her. “Oh no. What did you do? You didn’t run here to escape from your fuck up did you? Danny, she’ll kill me! I like being alive!” He laughed patting my leg a few times.

“No. Don’t worry. I wanted your advice.” 

“Hit me with it, baby,” I said drinking the rest of my glass dry. 

Daniel set the glass on the table, turning to me. “Is two and a half years too soon?” I pouted my lips and looked out the window. The view was still immaculate without Jisung next to me. It just felt...lonely even with Danny here. 

“Too soon for what?”

He sighed, that familiar cheeky grin popping onto his cheeks. “I want to ask Marin to marry me.” 

“GET OUT OF TOWN!” I screamed. He laughed when I started squealing. My hands slapped at his shoulder. My little Danny was going to get married. 

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I came to Seoul to ask for your advice. And also to ask if you’ll be my ‘best man’ of sorts.” 

“Are you kidding? Of course, I will!” I jumped up from the couch and poured us both more wine. “Have you asked her dad?” He nodded taking a sip of the sweet alcohol. 

“So you think I should do it?”

“Fuck yeah, I think you should do it!” I stared at Daniel with a smile on my face. I could remember when he had gotten his long-legged ass stuck in a baby swing at the park for three hours before we had to find a pair of bolt cutters and run off with the swing. “I cannot believe you are getting married! My little Danny!”  I said leaning over and wrapping my arms around his neck, carefully making sure not to spill my wine. 

The sound of the front door opening had me pulling away from my friend. My eyes widened as Jisung stepped through the door, keys in hand. His stare moved from me to Daniel then zeroed in on my hand still on his neck. 

“Jisung-” I shot up on my feet setting the wine on the table. 

He scoffed closing the door, shoving the keys in his back pocket. “Don’t let me interrupt your date. I just came to get some things.” Jisung’s voice sounded like music to my ears despite its cold tone. He wore a pair of old ripped pair of black jeans I hadn’t seen since we started dating and a baggy white shirt. His usual noir beanie covering his dark hair. 

Daniel awkwardly tapped on his wine glass and watched as Jisung traveled into the bedroom. He looked and me before nudging his head towards the door. I mouthed a few choice words to him which resulted in a silent argument. 

“One of us is going to go in there, and if I do he’s walking out with a black eye and some missing teeth.”

“Oh please. You know he could kick your ass with his hands tied behind his back,” I whispered. 

“Why can’t you date less athletic people? I’d like to be able to defend your honor.” He started pushing me towards the bedroom with his foot. He groaned when I resisted. “Y/n, it’s obvious you're miserable without him and he doesn’t look too happy either.”

Taking a long deep breath, I turned towards the open doorway. My whole body went numb as I took the short steps into the room. Jisung stood at our closet, a bag open on the bed. His head turned hearing the door close behind me. 

“Don’t worry. I’m just getting some clothes. I didn’t think you’d be here.” He tossed a hoodie into the bag, not meeting my eyes. I watched him pack for a moment. He clearly felt uncomfortable under my stare. “I’m going to be out of your hair soon. You don’t have to watch me like a hawk.”

“Don’t leave,” 

His movements stopped, his back away from me towards the closet. An almost perfect replication of the night he left. His fingers twitched as if he was debating putting back the shirt in his hands. 

“I’m a little tipsy, but I’m sober enough to know that if you walk out that door....I’m going to lose you forever.” 

My eyes searched for any sign for me to continue, but his face stayed hidden from me. Jisung dropped his head but stayed silent. I watched his fingers tighten over the fabric in his hand. 

My hand reached out, afraid to touch him, but longing to feel him again. His head turned feeling the brush of my palm on his arm. “Jisung,” He sighed hearing his name. “Please don’t leave.”

Jisung turned around, looking down at me. “I saw you.” He whispered. I saw tears pricking at the edge of his eyes. “I saw you. At the club. You were with the guy in there. I saw you walk in together.” He searched my eyes for something I did not know. 

“So did I; I saw the girl.” He sighed, head falling into his hands. “Did you-...God I can’t even say it.” He winced when I tried to laugh through the awkwardness. “If you did-...we were technically on a break so... I have no right to be mad at you.”

“Even if I did, I would feel terrible if you weren’t.” 

Jisung looked at me with sincerity. “You didn’t sleep with her?” He shook his head, staring down at me. Just one look into his big doe eyes told me he was telling the truth. 

“She kissed me after you left, but I stopped her.” I couldn’t help the smile slipping onto my face. Jisung nodded towards the door before speaking again. “Is that your new boyfriend?” 

“Danny? Hell no. He’s my best friend from back home. He came to visit.” 

“Oh, thank God,” Jisung said in one breath. His hands reached for my cheeks smashing his lips against mine. My fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt tugging him closer to me. Jisung kissed me as if he was afraid I would disappear the moment he let go of me. His lips danced against mine, desperate to be with me again. I pulled away resting my forehead against his.

“Well...I mean technically...we dated in senior year, but that was a long time ago.” 

He nodded, fingers threading through my hair as his lips returned to mine. I was just as hungry for him as he was for me. He smiled feeling me push him backward, without breaking our kiss. He laughed quietly when I moved him into the open closet instead of a wall. Jisung straightened himself up before taking control and pinning me up against the doorframe. 

“Wait,” He said breaking the kiss, smiling as I chased after his lips. “Didn’t you say you lost your virginity your senior year.” He asked looking into my eyes, brows furrowed.

“Umm...shhhh. This is about us, yeah?” 

Before he could say anything else about Daniel, I kissed him again tugging off his beanie and running my fingers through his soft locks. He broke away and nuzzled his face in my neck, arms wrapped tightly around my waist. “I’m so sorry, baby. I was a total ass. I should never have said those things.” 

“No, I’m sorry. I regret everything that happened. My emotions were all wack because of my period.”

“Well...I did deserve that slap.” 

“Maybe a little.”

“Hey!” He laughed, letting me know he wasn’t really offended. My thumb brushed over his cheek as I looked up into his eyes. “Y/n, I’m so sorry. I was too ashamed about what had happened that day to talk about it and I took it out on you. Can you forgive me?”

Leaning up, I kissed him gently savoring every moment. “Jisung, I love you. You never have to be ashamed to tell me anything. I love you unconditionally. Even when you leave coffee mugs all over the house. Even when you forget to pick up groceries when I ask you eight times in an hour.” He laughed resting his forehead against mine. “My love for you is greater than any mistake you could make or problem you have.”

“You are so cheesy.”

“You love it.” 

“I love you,” 

Jisung tilted his head, leaning down for another kiss. This one was slower, more careful. A knock on the door pulled us apart. Danny stood in the entryway, drinking from his wine glass. “So I’m assuming you will need a plus one on the wedding invite?” He said with a smile. 

“Jisung?” He closed his eyes and smiled hearing his name from my lips. “Would you go to a wedding with me?” He nodded, kissing me on the cheek. 

“Would love to, baby.” 

Daniel walked over and reached over to shake Jisung’s hand. “Nice to finally meet you,” He said with his goofy, lopsided grin. Jisung warily looked him up and down but smiled and shook his hand. “You want to be a groomsman?”

“Depends. Did you fuck the love of my life when you were eighteen?”

“JISUNG!”

“WHAT?”

◈

Requests are open my lovelies! Just send an ask!

Masterlist

[suit-lady]

With All My Heart.

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Reader

Summary: This is a drabble request from this drabble list (yeah, that’s how old this req is. rip anon im so sorry). #21: “I’m bulletproof... but please don’t shoot me.” and #28: “How drunk was I?”  Alternatively, Harrison begins to worry that he might be losing you, and he lets all his feelings out when he’s wasted.

Warnings: Cursing maybe? Drunkenness. Harrison cries. (why do i do this)

Word Count: 1600 exactly (I’m on a roll my dudes)

A/N: This ended up being cuter than I thought it was going to be LMAO... yes I promise this one has a happy ending okay

Finally. After what seemed like an eternity, Tom and your longtime boyfriend, Harrison, were home from filming and press things. They were spending the afternoon and evening being showered in “welcome home”s by their families, but you’d already called the evening. Once they were over at your apartment, they weren’t going home for the night. They knew they were having a few drinks, but you’d pulled a few strings and gotten a whole group of their old college friends together… and they were all extremely ready to party with their old friend Spider-Man.

You greeted the duo at the door after shushing the twenty plus people in your apartment. Once they’d hugged you and gotten the chance to take off their coats, all of your guests jumped out from their hiding places. The yell of “surprise” rang at an incredible volume, and the shock on Tom and Harrison’s faces was beyond worth it. Smiling widely, Haz pulled you into a hug.

“You did this for us?”

“Of course I did, babe.”

You pledged sobriety so that Harrison and Tom would let loose. Spending most of your time DJ’ing and bartending from your spot in the kitchen, you watch your boys have the time of their lives with their friends. They were both smashed by one, but you knew they would be. By two, everyone except your duo had gotten rides home, and you were helping Tom to bed.

“Stay right here, okay?” you told a half-coherent Haz as you slung Tom’s arm around your shoulder.

“Yeah, babe.”

“Fuck, Tom, you need to lay off the boxing.” You drug your friend to the guest room with exactly no help from him. If he hadn’t been still singing some song from The Greatest Showman under his breath, you would have been sure he was passed the fuck out. He did pass out pretty much as soon as you flopped him over onto the bed. “Thanks for the help, buddy,” you said as you covered him up so that he didn’t freeze overnight.

When you came back to Harrison, he was curled up on the couch. You touched his shoulder gently, but he flinched away from you. Frowning, you sat down on the floor next to him. You tried again, much more slowly this time, resting your hand on his shoulder when he seemed to relax.

“Baby, are you okay?”

“I’m bulletproof, but please… don’t shoot me.” His voice was muffled against the couch.

“Haz… What do you mean?” you asked, worry straining your voice.

He shifted, flipping over so quickly that you were taken aback. As he sat up, he took your wrist and pulled you up onto your knees. It was obvious that he’d been crying. On most occasions, Haz wasn’t a sad drunk, so something must be very wrong. He pressed a long, soft kiss to your forehead, and you waited for him to speak.

“Am I enough?” His words echoed with sorrow in the pitch-dark den.

Your heart ached at his words. “Harrison, honey… why would you ever ask me that?”

“Well,” he started as he pulled you up further. You climbed into his lap while he paused, covering his left shoulder in feather-like kisses. “I just… with filming and stuff… I’m not around nearly as much anymore… and I’m just worried that there;s something better for you out there. Y’know? Someone who can be here for you all the time instead of only being able to tell you everything is gonna be okay over a phone call… or worse, just a text message. The time zones are so fucked up, (Y/N), and it makes me so worried that you’re gonna find someone else who can love you all the time when I can only love you sometimes… It’s just not fair to you that I’m leaving you behind all the time and you have to figure out how to do everything without me while I’m off doing these crazy things and having the time of my life with Tom… I just wanna share my life with you… (Y/N), I’m so in love with you, but there are so many nights that I lie awake wondering if that night is gonna be the night that I lose you to someone else.”

His thoughts were a jumbled mess, and he only paused to take in shaky breaths. You guessed he was trying his hardest not to cry. Swallowing down your own tears, you wrapped your arms around him and pulled him as close to you as you could. Your heart was breaking over the fact that he felt like this.

“Harrison, that’s crazy. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t here all the time. I’m in love with you, no matter how many hours ahead or behind you are, no matter how much time a day we get to spend talking to each other, no matter how much life we have to do separate right now. It’s okay. Please, don’t think that I’m gonna leave you over convenience. You’re the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with and absolutely nothing is going to change that.”

You leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “You do?” he whispered after a long pause.

“Of course I do.”

His smile brightened the room like morning sunshine. Standing, he picked you up and spun you around, telling you that he loved you over and over and over again, and you told him you loved him too every single time. His anxiety finally subsiding, he stumbled off to your bedroom and dropped you on the bed before collapsing there himself. Before long, you were both unconscious to the world.

 -

 You woke up long before Harrison or Tom, as usual when they had wild nights at your place. To surprise Haz, you went out to the store and bought a gorgeous bouquet of roses and set them out on your kitchen counter. You fixed a lovely hangover breakfast of eggs, bacon, and pancakes, paired with fresh strawberries that you’d grabbed while you were out. Eventually, the smell of delicious food drew your boys into the room. Tom stumbled in first, eyes closed against the bright sunlight filtering into the room. Soon, Harrison followed, massaging his temples with his fingers.

His eyes landed on the roses, and he picked up the little note you’d written him. “Oh, fuck… How drunk was I last night?”

“Well,” you started, rubbing the back of your neck, “just how long had you been keeping that from me?”

“Pal, you didn’t,” Tom said, refilling his coffee mug. “I told you that was fucking ridiculous.”

“You told Tom first?”

Harrison’s eyes shifted to the ground. “I started worrying about it in China in August… And being away for filming for Chaos Walking made it a whole lot worse… Bad enough to make me lose it while drunk… Sorry, babe.”

“Haz, it’s okay… I just want you to know that I agree with Tom, that you’re ridiculous, and that I love you more than anything, okay?”

Harrison pulled you in for a long kiss, one that he only broke because Tom started making gagging noises. “I love you too, (Y/N).”

The morning was mostly uneventful, both Tom and Harrison taking things easy. Tom went straight back to bed after breakfast, grunting when you asked if he wanted any pain meds. Sharing a shrug with your boyfriend, you decided to let him battle the hangover on his own. Your guest bed was really comfortable anyways, and the dark green blinds didn’t let in the slightest bit of light when closed.

After you’d done up the dishes, Haz dragged you back to bed. He insisted on just lying around and cuddling, even though you felt very well-rested and ready to go out and do things. Today, however, you let Harrison have his way because the night before had been… quite eventful. You both shed your sweatpants and cuddled up to each other in your underwear.

“I missed this,” you said at the same time.

The pair of you were silent for a long time, both drifting in and out of sleep. Every once in a while, you would hear Harrison hum in thought. You would always look up expectantly, but he kept shaking his head. After a while, he broke the silence.

“This is really what you want?”

You gave him a look. “Yes, baby. I don’t want anyone else but you, ever.”

“Even if we don’t get to spend every moment together?”

“Yes, of course.”

“No matter how crazy life could get down the road?”

“No matter what.”

“You’re so sure… that you’d maybe say you wanna spend the rest of your life with me?”

You felt your face heat up. “You remember last night.”

“I’m starting to,” he admitted. “Did you really mean that?”

You gently caressed his face. “With all my heart.”

Then, you felt his soft lips against yours. Harrison was usually passionate when he kissed you, but this was different. Confident. As if he was telling you he felt the same way through the kiss. You kissed back with all the intensity you could muster, and the kiss left you both absolutely breathless.

“I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you too, Harrison.”

 Two months later, right before he had to leave again, Harrison surprised you with a promise ring, engraved on the inside with the phrase, “With all my heart.” You couldn’t help but cry, and you wore it constantly if only as a reminder of how lucky you were to have him.

 Fin.

[thedapperrabbit]

She-Ra Rewatch: season 3 and onwards through season 4, and boatloads of Introspection time!

So Ive been rewatching She-Ra with my partner, because sharing Entrapdak is caring. I could probably squee on about that for a century or more (because eeee, sharing things i love with people i love AND THEY EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO THE THINGS AND REMEMBER THEM!)...but ill spare you, kind internet strangers who for some reason find my thoughts mildly interesting enough to be reading this. This is going to be a lot. Like, a LOT. A lot especially from a stranger that youve probably only seen a notification from due to me sticking a heart on your content or for reblogging something lovely youve made in pictures or words. I dont think anything is going to be violently trigger-y because im not always great at judging that stuff and also ive yet to feel quite comfy enough to be  fully open-posting specifics about my own past trauma, other than a vague allusion to self-harm and distant-ish unspecified abuse aaaand the usual childhood garbage truck of assholes....but i suppose you could possibly draw some darker potential conclusions from the content im focused on. Also, my ADHD makes it incredibly hard to keep to a straight and non-branching narrative so...ramble-y bits and expressions of brain frustration ahoy. Either way...you are forewarned, just in case. Sorry in advance, this is going to be a small booklet by the time Im done explaining, and thinking, and then attempting to stick words to abstract feels which sometimes im great at, and then others i fucking suck at...but at least this is all written and not me trying to say this to any of your faces! Thats....a mercy all of its own. Haa...  Anyway, while rewatching with my partner, I realized just how much more painful parts of it are to sit through now...they were the first time, and each time since, but NOW having spent a while mulling over the series as a whole a bunch, and reading a lot of other peoples writings on here and finding myself largely in agreement with most Entrapdak fan’s assessment of things, I just....feel like all the air is ripped out of me during some moments, watching  with keener insight. And despite thinking i had myself reasonably well figured out by my age, its all also made me further consider a few things about myself as well. Particularly my notable internalized fury response to chunks of it which have been consistent through all my viewings of SPOP. With Hordak at least, its way easier to understand my reactions. For me at least. Maybe not so much for the people around me. And, shittier due to intensity and subject matter, but still easier in the long run because...the broken bits in me that he resonates with are fresher and sharper and still more recent, like within the last ten years, and thus more towards the front shelves in my head, compared to things that resonate with Entrapta, which are all old, lifelong dull aches at this point. I feel like nothing i can point to is fully sufficient to fully express my feels involving Hordak. But, maybe the best representative moment is with the crying i do every damn time I see his face looking up at Prime just after he glimmer and catra were beamed up...because ive seen that face in the mirror. I HAVE MADE THAT FACE. That same. Goddamn. Face. I may not have gotten a jab to the back of the neck directly from the person I made it at...but they often seemed to silently goad me to harm myself in an attempt to jolt my brain out of getting stuck in re-looping through what theyd just done/said to me. Likewise, much of his interactions with Entrapta are very...very weirdly familiar in feeling, but in a good way. Watching the stuff with Hordak hurts because fuck me if it isnt frequently like watching myself back in 2008ish to 2013, which was the duration of the worst parts of that particular circle of hell i parked my ass in. So...that makes sense. Hes so well written in those moments, it occasionally gave me PTSD flashbacks (still does a little, but now im prepared and braced for it and can shrug it back off....thanks, lifetime of therapy and years of studying abnormal psychology! Still totally not an expert, just very passionate...just, as a disclaimer).  Entrapta though...Entrapta is a different story. Mostly, I see Entrapta and in her free expressions of delight and joy and her bouncy enthusiasm I am reminded of a younger, less discouraged me in some ways, and in others, a “me” I could have been, but...well, extremely early-onset anxiety and depression made me insanely self-conscious super-super early on...not that i was great at hiding or...i guess the term people seem comfy with is “masking”? Which was a huge problem, or so it was in the 80s when far less was understood of such things. Id do so for a bit and then would forget to, in a way (because id forget long enough to go and trust again reflexively) and would get badly bullied and would squish everything down until id feel a crumb of safety again, and then almost instantly ADHD would pop that mask right the rest of the way off aaand it would start all over again. Ad nauseam until my teen years, where the depression sort of “fixed” that, and made it much easier to destroy my desire to share much of myself freely at all, save for with one or two people, and to a less deep extent a broader circle of nerd friends. Course, then i hit 30 and ran out of the majority of fucks I used to give. Or I became so damaged and salted with anger that parts of me dont grow any fucks anymore? Either way, plowshares to swords, WHEEEE!) And, maybe thats where this time while watching, I started to really think back to all that, and to how i see Entrapta treated by the other princesses, or really just in general except by Hordak...and why it burns my biscuits so badly. Every time I see someone roll their eyes at Entrapta’s beautiful unbridled enthusiasm or try to make it seem distasteful or at least weird and unwanted and uncomfortable for them but then dont even bother to try coming to terms with why they feel that way... or how they seem to feel free to grab and manhandle her without her consent, or the way they try to lessen her contributions because shes non-normative? Like its the fucking least she can do to make up for being weird in their space (...okay, that might just be the anger kicking in..but i dont feel like its an entirely innacurate assessment, is it?)  All of that...seeing it inflicted upon someone, It feels like someones punched me right in the damn sternum, but because its a hurt that im so desensitized to, it seems to have a much different effect than the sharp, violent crushing pain that i feel when I relate to Hordak a little too well for comfort. Again, i could go on, but its nothing more eloquent people on here havent already spoken volumes on. And my first gut reaction is always “I dont understand! why is that their reaction to her?! it doesnt seem logical at all, i dont seem to be able to parse it correctly, how is this acceptable? I HOPE SHE IMMOLATES YOU ALL.”. Which...I suppose isnt entirely usual for me (the silent wishing that people be immolated, I mean...i blame my past years of working in retail. And devouring too much Warhammer 40k contentl).  (oh gods...and this is going to be the most clusterfucky part cause i can feel my meds kicking in and thats gonna be hard to keep coherence on but i gotta get this all out of my head or ill forget it or get too scared of you fucking BRILLIANT insightful smart people on here and then ill continue to live scared and regretful that i never said..anything, and just sat here like “noticeme, entrapdak sempais!”  Ehhn...which is to say, if this is a garbage dump from here down, dont worry, when i wake up ill fix it...but hopefully itll at least make a tiny bit of sense ) But I realized something...something I hadnt ever rememberd much about due to the shitty neuronormative (apology if thats wrong term) behaviors continuing over years and years but in less and less directly aggressive ways as i grew older and was more prone to losing my shit in , (and likely because I got excessively lucky and managed through...uhhh...agonizing determination? Sheer stubbornness? Alleviatory rebalancing of universal karma? fuck if i know --to  curate a surprisingly supportive circle of other castoffs and misanthropes.) That was exactly how people used to treat me.  OKAY THISLL BE EDITED LATER to add in the rest of what i was gonna say...im...too full of Ambien sleep meds and damn write it anymore...and im aing trouble separating realigty and dream...an i k apawing at the kybord...not safe Lov yous for reading this far. Il fix it later, swears.

[fyrapartnersearch]

oh look another rp ad

yo what the h*ck is up?

you can all call me nobody, or any other Quirky and Fun™ nicknames you come up with.

anyways, some quick things abt me so that you can get an idea of what i’m about before committing urself to reading this big ol ad.

+female +18 +pacific time zone, active from 6 am to 12am usually +lazy lit (as in my ooc chatter is pretty relaxed but i can crank out good quality 150-500 word replies. intros can hit 1000+ words if i’m in the Zone. samples can be provided on request) +currently looking for m/m roleplays, but willing to double and play m/f and f/f +main genres are horror, dystopian, low fantasy, urban fantasy, cosmic horror/lovecraftian horror, romance, and maybe slice of life if u got a nice plot +kink-friendly, for the most part. only limits are the typical ones. being the Nasty that i am, i compiled a nice lil list of all my likes and dislikes here: https://www.f-list.net/c/gross%20ass%20kink%20list Fav list is the “i’ll give you my firstborn child if you’ll do this with me” list, yes is the “good shit 👀👌” list, maybe is the “don’t rlly care about, but willing to try this!/in some cases this is Good” list, and anything on the no list is a hard limit. +ooc chatter friendly! we don’t have to become Super Best Friends, but communication is always good! +would prefer to play a sub. i’m super sorry abt this because i know most people also wanna play subs but. every single roleplay i’ve done in the past has wanted me to go dom and i’ve done it. it gets tiring after awhile. sometimes it’s nice to get the chance to play a twink for once. that being said i’ll dom if you’re willing to double. +ditch friendly! although i’d prefer notice, idk if you decide things aren’t working out and decide to jump ship

anyways, if you’re still interested i’ll be glad to describe what i’m looking for with more detail!

right now what i’m really craving is some nice, dark romance, possibly between some kinda yandere and the poor object of his/her/their/ect. affections. yandere is possibly some sort of serial killer, and leaves bloody confession notes for their crush at each crime scene.

i’m also really into the idea of equally horrible people falling in love with eachother and doing horrible things to both eachother and others. possibly two different rival serial killers with a nice love/hate relationship?

really there aren’t any details i’m super focused on, what i’m really craving right now is just something Edgy n Dark.

i’m totally down for talking about different plot ideas or expanding on the ones above! however, if you’re the type who likes their partners to have a slightly more coherent plot than just a few loose ideas, have i got the thing for u! all details in the plots below are totally up for discussion and change! the stars indicate how much i’m craving a particular plot. the bolded roles are the ones i have an idea for/an interest in playing!

ι ωαит тσ fυ¢кιиg тєαя уσυ αραят *** (Serial killer x Civilian)

Character A is the textbook definition of predictable and boring, or so it seems. They’re a pre-med student, having few friends and living life on a tight schedule. Class, study, work, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Not the type you’d give a second glance. Unknown to most, however, is Character A’s rather… dark hobbies. Having purchased a small fixer-upper on the very edge of town, they’ve used a small loan of their wealthy parents’ money in order to repurpose the decrepit house into something far more sinister. Much like it’s owner, the house appears ordinary and even quaint on the outside. But peeling away this innocuous facade, one exposes a dark secret. A soundproofed basement, filled with various and vile instruments of torture and with blood permanently stained into the concrete floor. It’s Character A’s sanctuary, where they retreat to vent their desires on whatever poor souls they’ve managed to trap. They’re careful in the selection of their victims, of course. They’ve done their research, they know what precautions to take to avoid suspicion. Lately, the town that Character A lives in has seen a decrease in the homeless population. People that no one notices missing, the kind that can disappear without anyone really caring. Character A is, of course, responsible for this. Enter Character B. Their backstory and position in society is totally up to you. Maybe they’re a fellow student, or maybe one of the few police officers who’ve noticed the disturbing disappearances of most of the city’s homeless? Or, maybe they’re some vagrant, lacking any true home and finding themselves wandering from city to city. Regardless, they happen to catch Character A’s interest. And soon, they become an unwilling object of their obsession. Character A has never experienced anything close to romanic or sexual attraction before, and so they deal with these alien emotions the only way they know how to. No matter what, they resolve to make Character B totally and utterly theirs. Even if they have to kill Character B’s family and friends in order to do so.

тнє нσяяσя σf συя ℓσνє *** (Eldritch Abomination/God x Human)

Character A is a creature made from nightmare and chaos, a primordial and ancient being that resides in the darkest, most ancient reaches of the universe. And now, for the first time in their infinite existence, they’ve become bored. Having exhausted all other forms of entertainment, they decide to don a human guise, spending to them what seems like a brief time on Earth. They live a few lifetimes, kill a few kings, and topple a nation or two, before deciding to take on yet another identity in the modern era. This is when they find themselves drawn to Character B, a human (everything besides species is up to you tbh). Perhaps it’s because they’ve spent too much time living as a mortal, but for whatever reason Character A finds themselves experiencing an undeniable attraction. They soon find themselves slipping deeper and deeper into this lust, becoming obsessed with this human and vowing to do anything in their power to make Character B theirs.

ωє киσω ωнєяє уσυ ѕℓєєρ ********* (Assassin x King)

Character A has been trained from birth to become the perfect killer. An orphan taken in by an assassins’ guild, they’ve known no other life, and have never had any thought of escape or rebellion. They’re well known as one of the best assassins in their guild, and oftentimes get the most dangerous and lucrative jobs. However, their newest assignment might prove too much even for them. Character A is no stranger to killing important figures, such as ambassadors or even princes. Though, they’ve never been hired to kill a king before, much less the one of a powerful, wealthy country, the king being Character B. Of course, their pride and greed prevents them from denying such a task, and so Character A sets out to complete their mission. From here it’s more up to you. Perhaps the assassin becomes closer than they should to the king while working undercover, trying to find an opportunity to kill him. Feelings begin to complicate things, and Character A begins to question if they can go through with it. Or maybe Character A fails their task? While attempting to sneak into the castle, they’re captured. And instead of killing them, Character B decides to have a bit of fun with them. They make Character A their concubine, and resolve to utterly break any spirit of rebellion or resistance within them.

ѕσυℓ fσя ѕαℓє **** (Demon x King/Prince) (im ok with either role!) Character A is the a member of a powerful nation’s royal family. Groomed from birth for greatness, they still find themselves doubting their aptitude for leading their country. Or maybe they’re the youngest of the princes, set to inherit nothing but meager riches and a small plot of land. Whatever the reason, they end up contacting a demon in order to achieve their goals. The tomes Character A has read say that, in exchange for one’s mortal soul, a summoned demon will grant them unlimited power. After performing the ritual, however, Character A begins to have some regrets. The summoned demon, Character B, seems to have more control over Character A than they do over the demon. Perhaps they should’ve read the fine print in the contract…

υинσℓу, ∂ιяту, αи∂ вєαυтιfυℓ **** (Demon x Priest)

Character A is a young man of the cloth, the leader of a small congregation in a rural midwestern town. He leads a simple, devout life, right up until a mysterious, dark stranger (Character B) rolls into town. Charming and charismatic, they manage to win over most of the townsfolk. Yet behind those seemingly friendly eyes, there lies something dark. A spark of ill intent, a malicious gleam that speaks of unwholesome desires and intensions. Character A is one of the few to notice this. His suspicions only deepen when he notices Character B’s powerful revulsion towards symbols of worship. He resolves to rid his town of this seemingly demonic invader, though he soon learns that Character B has their own plans for him…

тєяяιвℓє αиgєℓѕ ****** (Fallen Angel x Sacrifice) (im ok with either role!) Character A was once an angel, a creature symbolizing purity and virtue. But, through their own hubris and sin, was cast out of heaven to make their way on earth. They’ve used their time on the mortal plane well, however. They’ve managed to start a small cult about them, convincing their human followers that they are god incarnate, come to earth to cleanse the impure and gather the righteous. In order to prove their devotion, the members of Character A’s cult must make an annual sacrifice in their honor. Enter Character B. A regular human, they find themselves next on the chopping block for this year’s sacrifice. Though when Character A finds them tied up at the altar, helpless and ready to be devoured, they do something odd. Something about this human intrigues them, so much so that they decide to have a bit of fun with them before killing them…

мє αи∂ тнє ∂єνιℓ ******* (Cult Leader x Acolyte)

Character A is the leader of a large cult, which makes its base of operations deep within the rolling deserts of Arizona. A seemingly utopian society at first glance, the cult is run as a commune. No one truly “owns” anything, all property owned by the community itself, the means of production shared. A perfect society, as long as one doesn’t dig below the surface. In truth, Character A holds all of the members under their thumb. No one is allowed to leave, unless they want to face complete ostracization from everyone they know. Not to mention that they would be completely without possessions or money in the free world. The members that Character A favors live privileged lives. They live in the best housing, and oftentimes have multiple spouses. Character A has quite a few spouses as well, and are allowed their pick of anyone in the commune to do with as they wish. Those that displease Character A, however, have a very different lot in life. If they don’t simply “disappear” into the vast desert one day, they are shunned by their peers. Forced to the very edges on the commune, they are not allowed to speak to anyone. Character B is a newcomer to the cult. Before long, they find Character A’s eyes on them, and find themself being courted by them. Life seems good, for a while. Until they begin to learn the dark secrets behind the cult, of course. Will they try and escape, or do anything to avoid falling out of Character A’s favor?

——

of course if none of these plots appeal to you we can def work something else out!!

anyways, here’s my contact info if ur still interested! when you first send me a message, i’d like if you’d include a little about yourself, along with any plots you’d be interested in!

gmail: AVagabondNob0dy@gmail.com

skype: An0ther Nob0dy

[find-your-rp-partner]

oh look another ad

(note: apologies if this ad posts twice! there was an error when i submitted this thing) yo what the h*ck is up? you can all call me nobody, or any other Quirky and Fun(tm) nicknames you come up with. anyways, some quick things abt me so that you can get an idea of what i'm about before committing urself to reading this big ol ad. +female +18 +pacific time zone, active from 6 am to 12am usually +lazy lit (as in my ooc chatter is pretty relaxed but i can crank out good quality 150-500 word replies. intros can hit 1000+ words if i'm in the Zone. samples can be provided on request) +currently looking for m/m roleplays, but willing to double and play m/f and f/f +main genres are horror, dystopian, low fantasy, urban fantasy, cosmic horror/lovecraftian horror, romance, and maybe slice of life if u got a nice plot +kink-friendly, for the most part. only limits are the typical ones. being the Nasty that i am, i compiled a nice lil list of all my likes and dislikes here: https://www.f-list.net/c/gross%20ass%20kink%20list Fav list is the "i'll give you my firstborn child if you'll do this with me" list, yes is the "good shit 👀👌" list, maybe is the "don't rlly care about, but willing to try this!/in some cases this is Good" list, and anything on the no list is a hard limit. +ooc chatter friendly! we don't have to become Super Best Friends, but communication is always good! +would prefer to play a sub. i'm super sorry abt this because i know most people also wanna play subs but. every single roleplay i've done in the past has wanted me to go dom and i've done it. it gets tiring after awhile. sometimes it's nice to get the chance to play a twink for once. that being said i'll dom if you're willing to double. +ditch friendly! although i'd prefer notice, idk if you decide things aren't working out and decide to jump ship anyways, if you're still interested i'll be glad to describe what i'm looking for with more detail! right now what i'm really craving is some nice, dark romance, possibly between some kinda yandere and the poor object of his/her/their/ect. affections. yandere is possibly some sort of serial killer, and leaves bloody confession notes for their crush at each crime scene. i'm also really into the idea of equally horrible people falling in love with eachother and doing horrible things to both eachother and others. possibly two different rival serial killers with a nice love/hate relationship? really there aren't any details i'm super focused on, what i'm really craving right now is just something Edgy n Dark. i'm totally down for talking about different plot ideas or expanding on the ones above! however, if you're the type who likes their partners to have a slightly more coherent plot than just a few loose ideas, have i got the thing for u! all details in the plots below are totally up for discussion and change! the stars indicate how much i'm craving a particular plot. the bolded roles are the ones i have an idea for/an interest in playing! ι ωαит тσ fυ¢кιиg тєαя уσυ αραят *** (Serial killer x Civilian) Character A is the textbook definition of predictable and boring, or so it seems. They're a pre-med student, having few friends and living life on a tight schedule. Class, study, work, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Not the type you'd give a second glance. Unknown to most, however, is Character A's rather... dark hobbies. Having purchased a small fixer-upper on the very edge of town, they've used a small loan of their wealthy parents' money in order to repurpose the decrepit house into something far more sinister. Much like it's owner, the house appears ordinary and even quaint on the outside. But peeling away this innocuous facade, one exposes a dark secret. A soundproofed basement, filled with various and vile instruments of torture and with blood permanently stained into the concrete floor. It's Character A's sanctuary, where they retreat to vent their desires on whatever poor souls they've managed to trap. They're careful in the selection of their victims, of course. They've done their research, they know what precautions to take to avoid suspicion. Lately, the town that Character A lives in has seen a decrease in the homeless population. People that no one notices missing, the kind that can disappear without anyone really caring. Character A is, of course, responsible for this. Enter Character B. Their backstory and position in society is totally up to you. Maybe they're a fellow student, or maybe one of the few police officers who've noticed the disturbing disappearances of most of the city's homeless? Or, maybe they're some vagrant, lacking any true home and finding themselves wandering from city to city. Regardless, they happen to catch Character A's interest. And soon, they become an unwilling object of their obsession. Character A has never experienced anything close to romanic or sexual attraction before, and so they deal with these alien emotions the only way they know how to. No matter what, they resolve to make Character B totally and utterly theirs. Even if they have to kill Character B's family and friends in order to do so. тнє нσяяσя σf συя ℓσνє *** (Eldritch Abomination/God x Human) Character A is a creature made from nightmare and chaos, a primordial and ancient being that resides in the darkest, most ancient reaches of the universe. And now, for the first time in their infinite existence, they've become bored. Having exhausted all other forms of entertainment, they decide to don a human guise, spending to them what seems like a brief time on Earth. They live a few lifetimes, kill a few kings, and topple a nation or two, before deciding to take on yet another identity in the modern era. This is when they find themselves drawn to Character B, a human (everything besides species is up to you tbh). Perhaps it's because they've spent too much time living as a mortal, but for whatever reason Character A finds themselves experiencing an undeniable attraction. They soon find themselves slipping deeper and deeper into this lust, becoming obsessed with this human and vowing to do anything in their power to make Character B theirs. ωє киσω ωнєяє уσυ ѕℓєєρ ********* (Assassin x King) Character A has been trained from birth to become the perfect killer. An orphan taken in by an assassins' guild, they've known no other life, and have never had any thought of escape or rebellion. They're well known as one of the best assassins in their guild, and oftentimes get the most dangerous and lucrative jobs. However, their newest assignment might prove too much even for them. Character A is no stranger to killing important figures, such as ambassadors or even princes. Though, they've never been hired to kill a king before, much less the one of a powerful, wealthy country, the king being Character B. Of course, their pride and greed prevents them from denying such a task, and so Character A sets out to complete their mission. From here it's more up to you. Perhaps the assassin becomes closer than they should to the king while working undercover, trying to find an opportunity to kill him. Feelings begin to complicate things, and Character A begins to question if they can go through with it. Or maybe Character A fails their task? While attempting to sneak into the castle, they're captured. And instead of killing them, Character B decides to have a bit of fun with them. They make Character A their concubine, and resolve to utterly break any spirit of rebellion or resistance within them. ѕσυℓ fσя ѕαℓє **** (Demon x King/Prince) (im ok with either role!) Character A is the a member of a powerful nation's royal family. Groomed from birth for greatness, they still find themselves doubting their aptitude for leading their country. Or maybe they're the youngest of the princes, set to inherit nothing but meager riches and a small plot of land. Whatever the reason, they end up contacting a demon in order to achieve their goals. The tomes Character A has read say that, in exchange for one's mortal soul, a summoned demon will grant them unlimited power. After performing the ritual, however, Character A begins to have some regrets. The summoned demon, Character B, seems to have more control over Character A than they do over the demon. Perhaps they should've read the fine print in the contract... υинσℓу, ∂ιяту, αи∂ вєαυтιfυℓ **** (Demon x Priest) Character A is a young man of the cloth, the leader of a small congregation in a rural midwestern town. He leads a simple, devout life, right up until a mysterious, dark stranger (Character B) rolls into town. Charming and charismatic, they manage to win over most of the townsfolk. Yet behind those seemingly friendly eyes, there lies something dark. A spark of ill intent, a malicious gleam that speaks of unwholesome desires and intensions. Character A is one of the few to notice this. His suspicions only deepen when he notices Character B's powerful revulsion towards symbols of worship. He resolves to rid his town of this seemingly demonic invader, though he soon learns that Character B has their own plans for him... тєяяιвℓє αиgєℓѕ ****** (Fallen Angel x Sacrifice) (im ok with either role!) Character A was once an angel, a creature symbolizing purity and virtue. But, through their own hubris and sin, was cast out of heaven to make their way on earth. They've used their time on the mortal plane well, however. They've managed to start a small cult about them, convincing their human followers that they are god incarnate, come to earth to cleanse the impure and gather the righteous. In order to prove their devotion, the members of Character A's cult must make an annual sacrifice in their honor. Enter Character B. A regular human, they find themselves next on the chopping block for this year's sacrifice. Though when Character A finds them tied up at the altar, helpless and ready to be devoured, they do something odd. Something about this human intrigues them, so much so that they decide to have a bit of fun with them before killing them... мє αи∂ тнє ∂єνιℓ ******* (Cult Leader x Acolyte) Character A is the leader of a large cult, which makes its base of operations deep within the rolling deserts of Arizona. A seemingly utopian society at first glance, the cult is run as a commune. No one truly "owns" anything, all property owned by the community itself, the means of production shared. A perfect society, as long as one doesn't dig below the surface. In truth, Character A holds all of the members under their thumb. No one is allowed to leave, unless they want to face complete ostracization from everyone they know. Not to mention that they would be completely without possessions or money in the free world. The members that Character A favors live privileged lives. They live in the best housing, and oftentimes have multiple spouses. Character A has quite a few spouses as well, and are allowed their pick of anyone in the commune to do with as they wish. Those that displease Character A, however, have a very different lot in life. If they don't simply "disappear" into the vast desert one day, they are shunned by their peers. Forced to the very edges on the commune, they are not allowed to speak to anyone. Character B is a newcomer to the cult. Before long, they find Character A's eyes on them, and find themself being courted by them. Life seems good, for a while. Until they begin to learn the dark secrets behind the cult, of course. Will they try and escape, or do anything to avoid falling out of Character A's favor? ------ of course if none of these plots appeal to you we can def work something else out!! anyways, here's my contact info if ur still interested! when you first send me a message, i'd like if you'd include a little about yourself, along with any plots you'd be interested in! gmail: AVagabondNob0dy@gmail.com skype: An0ther Nob0dy

[arosaiki]

I don’t know what’s gotten into me but I suddenly need to write so that’s what imma do, i didn’t know where to write it so i thought this would be a nice please bc its kinda personal. It’s not solely aroaspec perse but whatevs

i don’t really know what it is what im feeling right now, i know it’s bad i guess, but i can’t find the right words to explain myself. Ive been crying myself to sleep for the past few weeks, that might be because ive got a playlist to help me sleep but sddenly it seems too sad so i start thinking about stuff and that along with my imsomnia makes me cry until i can finally sleep.

I’ve been on meds for general anxiety disorder for the past idk weeks, and the truth is that i dont really know if they are helping me. Perhaps they are? I dont know, i really don’t. But I certainly have been feeling down, even more sad. It’s like anxiety is on check so the sadness took all over the place. 

Last friday i had an appointment with my therapist; she is a really nice (young) lady, she talks camly and soft and when i cry she lifts er eyebrows like a worried friend; however, i don’t really feel connected to her, i don’t think she uderstands, but it’s entirely on my part. it’s my fault because i can’t properly put into words how im feeling or why im feeling this. 

i feel so stupid most of the times, i can’t really make coherent thoughts anymore, its like my brain is filled with too many knots of whatever and i can’t think. when i try to untangle the knots my bhead starts to hurt and i start to feel even worse.

For the past months ive tried to distract myself, to avoid everything that makes me feel bad. I spent months doing that, saying “im doing my best” almost crying everytime i said it but putting on a smile and trying to be positive. Using the things and people and stuff i like as distractors, my kpop bois helped me out a lot, too. My brother also helped me. My friends. My dogs. But i am again in what it seems like a  dark place. It’s not that im at my worst. I’ve been even deeper, feeling like a couldn’t get out of the deepest part of the ocean. But even when i don’t feel like that anymore, right now it’s seems like im inside a circle of some sort, on a loop perhaps, i don’t know how to descrive it but i do know im never gonna fully get “better”

It doesn’t matter what happens in the day, doesn’t matter i ate good food, doesn’t matter if i laughed, if i had a good time, if iw was the best day ever. I will always, at the end of the day, want to be someone -anybody- else other than me. I hate myself so much, i hate myself to the core. I dislike my outside but i hate my inside so much worse. I can’t stop looking at the mirror for a while, but i can’t escape from myself. I wish I wasn’t me, i wish i had never exist. I wish i just wouldnt be. I hate myself so much so much. there are so many things i hate about myself that i can’t even begin to list. It’s just everything. My whole existance. The way i talk, the way i think, the way i move, the way i feel, the way i breath. i hate it all. 

[find-your-rp-partner]

oh look it's another rp ad

yo what the h*ck is up? you can all call me nobody, or any other Quirky and Fun(tm) nicknames you come up with. anyways, some quick things abt me so that you can get an idea of what i'm about before committing urself to reading this big ol ad. +female +18 +pacific time zone, active from 6 am to 12am usually +lazy lit (as in my ooc chatter is pretty relaxed but i can crank out good quality 150-500 word replies. intros can hit 1000+ words if i'm in the Zone. samples can be provided on request) +currently looking for m/m roleplays, but willing to double and play m/f and f/f +main genres are horror, dystopian, low fantasy, urban fantasy, cosmic horror/lovecraftian horror, romance, and maybe slice of life if u got a nice plot +kink-friendly, for the most part. only limits are the typical ones. being the Nasty that i am, i compiled a nice lil list of all my likes and dislikes here: https://www.f-list.net/c/gross%20ass%20kink%20list Fav list is the "i'll give you my firstborn child if you'll do this with me" list, yes is the "good shit 👀👌" list, maybe is the "don't rlly care about, but willing to try this!/in some cases this is Good" list, and anything on the no list is a hard limit. +ooc chatter friendly! we don't have to become Super Best Friends, but communication is always good! +would prefer to play a sub. i'm super sorry abt this because i know most people also wanna play subs but. every single roleplay i've done in the past has wanted me to go dom and i've done it. it gets tiring after awhile. sometimes it's nice to get the chance to play a twink for once. that being said i'll dom if you're willing to double. +ditch friendly! although i'd prefer notice, idk if you decide things aren't working out and decide to jump ship anyways, if you're still interested i'll be glad to describe what i'm looking for with more detail! right now what i'm really craving is some nice, dark romance, possibly between some kinda yandere and the poor object of his/her/their/ect. affections. yandere is possibly some sort of serial killer, and leaves bloody confession notes for their crush at each crime scene. i'm also really into the idea of equally horrible people falling in love with eachother and doing horrible things to both eachother and others. possibly two different rival serial killers with a nice love/hate relationship? really there aren't any details i'm super focused on, what i'm really craving right now is just something Edgy n Dark. i'm totally down for talking about different plot ideas or expanding on the ones above! however, if you're the type who likes their partners to have a slightly more coherent plot than just a few loose ideas, have i got the thing for u! all details in the plots below are totally up for discussion and change! the stars indicate how much i'm craving a particular plot. the bolded roles are the ones i have an idea for/an interest in playing! ι ωαит тσ fυ¢кιиg тєαя уσυ αραят *** (Serial killer x Civilian) Character A is the textbook definition of predictable and boring, or so it seems. They're a pre-med student, having few friends and living life on a tight schedule. Class, study, work, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Not the type you'd give a second glance. Unknown to most, however, is Character A's rather... dark hobbies. Having purchased a small fixer-upper on the very edge of town, they've used a small loan of their wealthy parents' money in order to repurpose the decrepit house into something far more sinister. Much like it's owner, the house appears ordinary and even quaint on the outside. But peeling away this innocuous facade, one exposes a dark secret. A soundproofed basement, filled with various and vile instruments of torture and with blood permanently stained into the concrete floor. It's Character A's sanctuary, where they retreat to vent their desires on whatever poor souls they've managed to trap. They're careful in the selection of their victims, of course. They've done their research, they know what precautions to take to avoid suspicion. Lately, the town that Character A lives in has seen a decrease in the homeless population. People that no one notices missing, the kind that can disappear without anyone really caring. Character A is, of course, responsible for this. Enter Character B. Their backstory and position in society is totally up to you. Maybe they're a fellow student, or maybe one of the few police officers who've noticed the disturbing disappearances of most of the city's homeless? Or, maybe they're some vagrant, lacking any true home and finding themselves wandering from city to city. Regardless, they happen to catch Character A's interest. And soon, they become an unwilling object of their obsession. Character A has never experienced anything close to romanic or sexual attraction before, and so they deal with these alien emotions the only way they know how to. No matter what, they resolve to make Character B totally and utterly theirs. Even if they have to kill Character B's family and friends in order to do so. тнє нσяяσя σf συя ℓσνє *** (Eldritch Abomination/God x Human) Character A is a creature made from nightmare and chaos, a primordial and ancient being that resides in the darkest, most ancient reaches of the universe. And now, for the first time in their infinite existence, they've become bored. Having exhausted all other forms of entertainment, they decide to don a human guise, spending to them what seems like a brief time on Earth. They live a few lifetimes, kill a few kings, and topple a nation or two, before deciding to take on yet another identity in the modern era. This is when they find themselves drawn to Character B, a human (everything besides species is up to you tbh). Perhaps it's because they've spent too much time living as a mortal, but for whatever reason Character A finds themselves experiencing an undeniable attraction. They soon find themselves slipping deeper and deeper into this lust, becoming obsessed with this human and vowing to do anything in their power to make Character B theirs. ωє киσω ωнєяє уσυ ѕℓєєρ ********* (Assassin x King) Character A has been trained from birth to become the perfect killer. An orphan taken in by an assassins' guild, they've known no other life, and have never had any thought of escape or rebellion. They're well known as one of the best assassins in their guild, and oftentimes get the most dangerous and lucrative jobs. However, their newest assignment might prove too much even for them. Character A is no stranger to killing important figures, such as ambassadors or even princes. Though, they've never been hired to kill a king before, much less the one of a powerful, wealthy country, the king being Character B. Of course, their pride and greed prevents them from denying such a task, and so Character A sets out to complete their mission. From here it's more up to you. Perhaps the assassin becomes closer than they should to the king while working undercover, trying to find an opportunity to kill him. Feelings begin to complicate things, and Character A begins to question if they can go through with it. Or maybe Character A fails their task? While attempting to sneak into the castle, they're captured. And instead of killing them, Character B decides to have a bit of fun with them. They make Character A their concubine, and resolve to utterly break any spirit of rebellion or resistance within them. ѕσυℓ fσя ѕαℓє **** (Demon x King/Prince) (im ok with either role!) Character A is the a member of a powerful nation's royal family. Groomed from birth for greatness, they still find themselves doubting their aptitude for leading their country. Or maybe they're the youngest of the princes, set to inherit nothing but meager riches and a small plot of land. Whatever the reason, they end up contacting a demon in order to achieve their goals. The tomes Character A has read say that, in exchange for one's mortal soul, a summoned demon will grant them unlimited power. After performing the ritual, however, Character A begins to have some regrets. The summoned demon, Character B, seems to have more control over Character A than they do over the demon. Perhaps they should've read the fine print in the contract... υинσℓу, ∂ιяту, αи∂ вєαυтιfυℓ **** (Demon x Priest) Character A is a young man of the cloth, the leader of a small congregation in a rural midwestern town. He leads a simple, devout life, right up until a mysterious, dark stranger (Character B) rolls into town. Charming and charismatic, they manage to win over most of the townsfolk. Yet behind those seemingly friendly eyes, there lies something dark. A spark of ill intent, a malicious gleam that speaks of unwholesome desires and intensions. Character A is one of the few to notice this. His suspicions only deepen when he notices Character B's powerful revulsion towards symbols of worship. He resolves to rid his town of this seemingly demonic invader, though he soon learns that Character B has their own plans for him... тєяяιвℓє αиgєℓѕ ****** (Fallen Angel x Sacrifice) (im ok with either role!) Character A was once an angel, a creature symbolizing purity and virtue. But, through their own hubris and sin, was cast out of heaven to make their way on earth. They've used their time on the mortal plane well, however. They've managed to start a small cult about them, convincing their human followers that they are god incarnate, come to earth to cleanse the impure and gather the righteous. In order to prove their devotion, the members of Character A's cult must make an annual sacrifice in their honor. Enter Character B. A regular human, they find themselves next on the chopping block for this year's sacrifice. Though when Character A finds them tied up at the altar, helpless and ready to be devoured, they do something odd. Something about this human intrigues them, so much so that they decide to have a bit of fun with them before killing them... мє αи∂ тнє ∂єνιℓ ******* (Cult Leader x Acolyte) Character A is the leader of a large cult, which makes its base of operations deep within the rolling deserts of Arizona. A seemingly utopian society at first glance, the cult is run as a commune. No one truly "owns" anything, all property owned by the community itself, the means of production shared. A perfect society, as long as one doesn't dig below the surface. In truth, Character A holds all of the members under their thumb. No one is allowed to leave, unless they want to face complete ostracization from everyone they know. Not to mention that they would be completely without possessions or money in the free world. The members that Character A favors live privileged lives. They live in the best housing, and oftentimes have multiple spouses. Character A has quite a few spouses as well, and are allowed their pick of anyone in the commune to do with as they wish. Those that displease Character A, however, have a very different lot in life. If they don't simply "disappear" into the vast desert one day, they are shunned by their peers. Forced to the very edges on the commune, they are not allowed to speak to anyone. Character B is a newcomer to the cult. Before long, they find Character A's eyes on them, and find themself being courted by them. Life seems good, for a while. Until they begin to learn the dark secrets behind the cult, of course. Will they try and escape, or do anything to avoid falling out of Character A's favor? ------ of course if none of these plots appeal to you we can def work something else out!! anyways, here's my contact info if ur still interested! when you first send me a message, i'd like if you'd include a little about yourself, along with any plots you'd be interested in! gmail: AVagabondNob0dy@gmail.com skype: An0ther Nob0dy