#im on mobile so I dont know how to fix it to a keep reading

[davekatgood]

hey, just so you know, every time i open a post from this blog one of the recommended posts is an underage nsfw fanfic

im not judging you for it or anything because it was 10 years ago and i noticed you were a kid when it was posted, so im just telling you in case you wanted to delete it, since i. saw some anti-proship posts on your main yknow

https://www.tumblr.com/davekatgood/134899966281/keep-it-down

have good day

oh right also the about page link in your bio doesn't work

re: my link not working: FUUUUUUCK i will fix that eventually but i dont have my laptop rn and i dont feel like fussing with it on mobile

re: everything else:

this is actually something i’ve been thinking about a lot lately; the morality of writing/reading about teenagers having sex with each other. no abuse is taking place, it’s just.. teens being teens lol.

on top of that, well.. i haven’t really Said this publicly anywhere yet but i suppose my obscure sideblog that i rarely use is a great place for it: i don’t really care about anti/proship stuff anymore. like i just kind of got tired of caring, and i also think i was wrong for a lot of opinions i used to hold on the matter. i never even identified myself as an “anti” because i always saw the topic with more nuance, and frankly i myself have some kinks that ur typical anti would call me a proshipper over lmao.

my current opinions are just.. i find incest and adult/underage depictions disgusting, personally, and i make sure to avoid seeing that kind of thing as much as possible, but i don’t really care what other people do, as long as they aren’t actually being abusive in real life. i’m actually mutuals with a bunch of people who ARE into that stuff now and i just block the tags like i truly don’t care and find it to be none of my business. the idea of it still makes me uncomfortable but my discomfort does not equal morality and that’s my own problem, yknow? if you look at my byf on main you’ll notice i removed the part where i said not to follow if you’re a proshipper/ship incest etc. but idk honestly this is something i for sure think about a lot and get into thought loops about what’s “right” and i don’t really know for sure and i know i never will. so i guess im just taking the path that allowed me to be a little less angry all the time.

and as for a depiction where both characters are underage? i REALLY don’t care. i don’t find that weird or disgusting because it’s just.. idk… how it is?? lmao? idk how to explain this any better. teens have sexual experiences with each other. can we, as adults, not draw from those experiences in our art?

[fictionfixations]

playing this game for the first time

IM GOING TO THROW IT CRASHED ON ME WHILE I WAS MAKING A PROFILE i KNEW I SHOULDVE SAVED 😭(I STARED AT THE SAVE BUTTON LIKE 'should i save just in case? nahh i dont need to save until im done' and then it kicked me out)

i dont think of myself as a person good at designing stuff

but i was really liking what i made it looked so pretty hjfiouweshjdWQIUAsk

it doesnt even mean that much to me im just gonna feel really depressed for awhile cause like wtf man 😭

this is the farthest i got last time i kind of hate it. the quality of stuff i do always degrades the more i repeat it so hhhhhhhhhhh it feels really nitpicky but something about the images behind the classroom just dont look right

it keeps saying connection error when trying to save

im pointing a fan directly at it cause my phone is a fucking heater hoping it fixes 😭

im gonna close and reopen the game this sucks (not the game im just getting tired of all the live2d games i play being laggy as fuck or having connection issues, its not just this game that hates me 💀) idk if the twitter button works i havent pressed it cause i tend to lag so much more the moment i click out of a game and then re-enter without closing it and re-opening

tbh i dont know anything about this. i think theres a good story (kinda depressing(???)) but i havent heard much about it

one of the first things i saw about this game tbh was the customizing a profile and i got my mind blown cause it looked so pretty i kept getting pjsk in my recommended and idk something about tatsu...???? forgor rest of name. blonde guy. where apparently in the movie he switched to a pirate outfit???? im. so confused

i feel like im being sabotaged cause im trying to play a song and then it lags and i miss and im dfaiuhdwushdajw

WHY do you do this to me 😭

i need a fan because when it overheats its literally unplayable (its not even that its hot its that it starts lagging like hell) so im just having cold air blasted into my eyes which is kinda distracting :'D

its fun though i like like the interface?? its really smooth its a little confusing with note placement but im. getting used to it

im sad i have to actually play with a fan because i really like rhythm games i wanna get into it but it keeps lagging

why do all the good games (that i wanna play) have to be on mobile and prone to crashing/lagging 😭

tbh im getting into it now that im used to it crashing its like. tears of themis. which also crashes often and lags me. which sucks cause i really enjoy the story. but then id be going through this important bit and almost finish it and then it crashes and then keeps crashing while im speeding through it trying to complete it 💀 (cough cough the trial bits suck because i keep having to re-present evidence and im just like do i look like i remember what the answer is LET ME THROUGH)

its kinda because of that that i cant play it in super long bursts though so im just gonna be here procrastinating from it for months because i dont feel like continuing to crash trying to do shit. play again. crash. stop playing.

sigh. sometimes i hate that i get more invested in stories in games by actually playing the game. because sometimes my devices dont want me to play and makes me lag like hell sadge

anyway my favorites rn are nightcord at 25:00(?) w/ the miku from that ver theres another like band rhythm game i play except the 3d models make me lag so much more. this game is much more manageable. ..like osmetimes it lags so much i literally lose all my life but like. at least i can play ?????

anyway uh ill try to play more. like. i play a lot of games but ive been neglecting the story so ive been trying to speed through them (while actually reading but like bingeing through as much story as i can before it stops me or i give up)

okay i think i can play songs now without lagging except teh moment i think about how its not lagging it starts lagging 💀 (another time is when i started singing along it started lagging. i just have bad timing man.)

i can.. kind of play expert songs. (except when i cant) except its.really overwhelming and i stop being able to read the map to where i just default to see note = tap so its ilke im kinda spamming in a sense??? and praying it works out also my brain sometimes stutters so i fuck up. this prob isnt like anything revolutionary but with flick notes if therse one flick note and at the same time a note thats not a flick note and i get confused i just act as if both are flick notes cause its not like you get penalized for flicking a non-flick note

the 3d music videos are cute

i only got a new outfit for.. person me no remember name of purple haired girl

i think you can set it to have characters who are actually singing the song but i like staring at the characters i have cause i put my favorites on the team + like my only 4 star rn?? also like kaito is there i think (im bad at names but hes one of the vocaloids is he not) because i wanted to go with like the dark sorta empty vibe

but so its so weird when a model is singing but its so clearly not the right voice lmfao

i feel like itd be fun to learn the choreography especially for like cosplay stuff??

id like the music videos more if i could play the songs while watching them without lagging really badly 😭

NOO PLEASEE DONT LAG DURING THE VIRTUAL SHOW 🙏

i crashed 😭

song: plays few notes immediately crashes

hhh i know the song but i cant remember the name

tfw your glowsticks feel like a windscreen wiper

also i just realized your view moves if you move your phone. thats cool but i cant do that because my battery drains stupidly fast if its not being charged all the time i am not joking

i dont really have an attachment to these characters yet so i cant understand how it might feel to someone really invested but this is cool 👍

oh it ended

i missed the first song unfortunately :(

i think theres another one happening in like. ..30 minutes? an hour?? shrug. idk if its the same one or something else

i know this post kinda makes it seem like im having a bad time but im having a fun time its just that when something bad happens i have more to say

anyway i like this a lot more than the other band rhythm game i play. like i mean i had a lot over there and there are some songs i really like that arent on here but i.. also wasnt reading the story for that game either i was literally just playing it because rhythm game thats it 😭 i only went through the story to skip through it cause it gave me like the stuff to pull for the gacha so um

im gonna try to pay attention this time 👍👍👍

also auto is a blessing i will never not praise auto in a game (except when it plays bad but tbh if it works then it doesnt matter. not a shade towards this game but towards hsr cause sometimes it ults on a single enemy with low health that could be killed with just basic atk. and then next wave and that ult wouldve been so useful 😭)

off topic but idk why but 3d music videos dont lag when its playing the song on auto. except when i take a screenshot wtf

or maybe its just that it lags when the phone starts heating up. which tracks. wish i could play this on pc. wonder how itd work if it did cause buttons you press are what??? (honestly i can only play 4 note songs on pc anything else my mind blanks) but it still wouldve been cool and deffo less laggy

[kalforhelp]

i think i just need to vent out into the world for a minute so feel free to ignore this (also im sorry but there will be mny typos, im rly bad at typing on mobile and i dont have the energy to go back and fix every single one rn)

im just... so tired of my emotons getting the best of me

as a kid, i was the "quiet child", the "good kid," the one that teachers loved and parents used as an example for every other kid out there

i never burst out in tears,i never had a fit i never had a tantrum, i never caused problems, never screamed, never hit anyone, never never never

i didnt express my emotions like that

eventually, what was most likely a trauma response/learned behavior turned into the expectation. so, as i grew up, i felt like i couldnt express myself. i couldnt be loud. i couldnt be anything than the quiet little angel everyone expected of me.

in my later teen years, tbis caught up to me. my emotions buult up and had no where to go. i was a balloon ready to pop

i kept forcing emotions so deep within me that i convinced myself they werent there

around this time was when i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

every once in a while, this build up gets to be too much and all i want to do is s c r e a m. i want to yell at pwople. i want to get mad, get angry, say and do hurtful things. i never do. i always feel shame before i can even think about releasimg my emotions the way i want to.

this is a good thing and a bad thing. obviously i dont really want to hurt or scare anyone. but i never learned any healthy ways to release this pure anger that threatens to blow up and hurt me and everyone in range.

it juat keeps buulding up.

i dont know what to do

i had a thwrapist once. he was a great guy and pr9bably very good at his job, i had nothing against him. he just didnt know how to help me the way i needed to be helped

i cant express how im feeling because i dont know what my own feelings are

ive been shoving them away for too long theyve become unrecognizable

my emotions have become a demon in my head, a being made of shifting darkness woth no shape. this demon is locked in a tiny box in my head, and by god is it hungry and desperate to escape.

im not asking for sympathy, im not looking for advice. i think this, this is enough to feed the beast for today, to calm it down. i guess writing and talking about it really is its own form of release.

if u actually read this far, im so sorry, that got a lot deeper and darker than i had intended

[queenofwerewolves]

To all my mutuals..

Im better now.. Sort of..

To cut it short, my parents and I... Have a very, very rocky relationship, especially my dad. My dad is a perfectionist and I cant see him anything less them that. Like all parents, he grew up with a tough childhood and thinks that because of that, everyone else who doesnr struggle as much as he did when he was a kid is either lazy or a loser, such as yours truly.

My mom... Is a different story. She sees my effort and my struggles but.. At time to time, she says Im doing something good and then a week later completly shits on it and says Im doing it wrong...

And then there's my sister, the golden child. She's spoiled, bratty, selfish, and this is not sibling talk either. She is genuinely mean, to the point that my cousins stopped hanging with her whenever they visited because they couldnt handle her bossiness anymore.

What's the difference between me and her? Well, for starters she was WANTED. Ya know? WASNT an accident?

And she's everything my parents wanted a from a daughter but didnt get it from it.

Someone who's girly, educated on pop culture that ISNT videogames or anime. with a perfect body, slim and tall, likes to wear makeup and short outfits, while me..

Im just your everyday punk girl, who pretty sure has a badly diagnosed ADHD and might be severely depressed but cant say anything about it because their parents doesnt believe in Depression and instead thinks it's "an excuse to be lazy"

So what happened today? Well to cut it short my sister is lazy, has everything handed to her on a silver platter. Me? Used to. Life was easy and now Im struggling with classes, and struggling to suddenly become an adult after 19 years of helicopter parents, this includes waking myself up in the morning for classes.

I have a strict schedule and never, once, got late for any of my classes. My sister? It takes my mom over 20 minutes to get her up and she's always at least 15 minutes last to class. So what happened?

Mom woke ME up and told me that she's upset with me that IM the one who's not waking up properly and ALWAYS is late for class, all that while my sister is still asleep on the top of the bunkbed.

May I let you know she decides to say this now after the entire year of 2020 I was taking care of my own homework, and my sister ALMOST had to repeat a grade because she slept too mucy and didnt do her shit. And now this happens, out of the blue.

My parents arent bad parents they're just... Complicated, they do things that I soon realize that ARENT suppose to be normal to a child like me and yet, they make me smile, they make me happy, they were always there for me...

I just... I just dont know what to think. Am I ungrateful? Am I the spoiled one here? Am I overthinking this?

I have many reasons to believe Im not but... I spoke enough...

For all my mutuals.. Im sorry I ignored you for this long but, I just couldnt speak at the moment because I just had too much in my head.. Im alot better and thank you all for your pacience.

Love you all

[killypool-archived]

.

[queerautism]

ok so for disability ask - I've known for a while that I have disabilities such as DID and CPTSD that is disabiling for me, as well as adhd (which i have had funding ready for and paperwork assigned to me to get diagnosed with for a year, and still haven't finished... god, paperwork.......) and autism but I don't count autism as being disabling for me.

but I think I'm also physically disabled and i'm starting to be more honest with myself about it and recognizing? so as far as physical conditions:

dizziness/lightheadedness when standing up after sitting/lying. it's been happening since I was a very young kid. i'm pretty sure its POTS but the one time i tried to tell a doctor when i was a teen she just told me to drink more water. it didn't fix it.

hypermobility in joints, toes and fingers locking in the wrong direction, this has happened for several years, as far back as middle school tbh. also my nose is really squishy and squishes more than cartilage should. i think this is Ehlers Danlos, ive done some reading on it but not enough, i wish i could get in touch with a specialist who actually knows about it.

pain. my back always hurts. like its at about a 2 usually. if i dont focus on it its not all encompassing but i do feel it, especially if im thinking about it. that's just like, regular pain though. i also get hip pain and sometimes my limbs hurt so bad down to the bone and radiating that I wish I could amputate them. its fucking BAD and theres nothing i can do about it, it just lasts for a while, is terrible, takes all my focus, restricts my movement (usually its down through my whole leg and makes it hard to walk), and then it goes away and doesn't happen again for like a month. its varied in intensity through my life but its been around a very long time

also asthma???? i cant really run or anything, i have to have an inhaler or i cant manage it

also i get very dizzy and uncomfortable when i have to stand for long periods (30 minutes, an hour) it becomes all i can think about is how hard it is to keep standing. i try to squat or sit on the floor when i can. i've been wanting to buy a walking stick/cane, i really need one honestly. so long walks or long times standing is really hard on me. its actually wild to me that people can just like stand??? for a while???? like maybe its uncomfy but like its not a big deal???? i have to go lay down for a WHILE after standing that much it sucks

anyway im pretty sure i am physically disabled but im still questioning i guess. and i really need to see a doctor for looking into pots/ehlers danlos but i have no clue how to, or how to get someone good, or anything really. and i want a cane so bad :(( i always lean on the carts when shopping as a mobility aid, i never want to use the little basket because i wont have somewhere to lean. and honestly i think that I am going to use a wheelchair in the future. like part time or full time but i am gonna need a wheelchair eventually. i don't think im gonna get like, less frail. but its super hard for me to convince myself that its ok for me to get a wheelchair, but when the time comes im gonna have to do whats right for me without stigmatizing it. nobody loses anything from my use of a wheelchair. just gonna feel structural ableism in city and building design really acutely.

You are physically disabled like for real buddy but also?? Please try out a rollator if you can. Highly highly recommend if you're doing stuff like leaning on shopping carts and find standing difficult, they are absolutely amazing. I can just sit whenever!

[kilibaggins]

Johnmurphyisbisexual's Writing Challenge!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(My writing challenge is a bit different because I'm opening it to be for SHIPS TOO! For Example: Drarry (Harry Potter) and Murphamy (The 100). But you can do ANY ship from any fandom!)

1.) Reblog this post (following me would be appreciated but it's not mandatory!)

2.) Send me an Ask with the full name (first and last) of the person you want to write for -or the name and fandom of the ship you want to write for- as well as the prompt you choose from the prompts I give you bellow! (Two [or one] prompts per fic and Three people per prompt) (You can write multiple fics for this challenge, but I might cut you off after a few. Because there needs to be enough for everyone.)

(I will be crossing out the prompts that are unavailable and I will be writing your account name and which Character/ship you're doing under the prompt(s))

3.) If more than 2k words add a keep reading option, so people don't have to scroll through it all if they don't want to read yours.

(It's fine if you can't since you can't do it on Mobile)

4.) No end date!

5.) Use the tag #ryswritingchallenge and tag me in it! If i don't see it in 2-3 days send me an ask telling me you did it!

FANDOMS

The 100 • Marvel • Harry Potter • Supernatural • The Hobbit/LOTR • The Walking Dead • And anything else, though I'd love to read these ones.

Writing Prompts (Send which list in ask):

Fluff

1. ) "Kiss me."

2. ) "Cuddle with me."

3. ) "Please take care of yourself."

4. ) "Dance with me."

5. ) "I'll take care of you."

6. ) "I'm happy I met you."

7. ) "Are you scared of me?" "No. Never."

Blaise Zabini X Reader | @angelinathebook

Remus Lupin x Reader | @shaynawrites23

8.) "I love you so much."

9. ) "I do."

10. ) "Marry Me."

11. ) "You're so perfect."

12. ) "I don't care if you have scars, you're handsome/beautiful anyways."

Bellamy Blake/John Murphy/Reader (The 100) | @justarandomgirlreadingstuff

13.) "It's not a defect, it's a special feature!"

14. ) "I'm Pregnant."

15. ) "God, you're so beautiful/handsome."

16. ) "I could read to you, if you want."

Bellarke (The 100) | @edgelessness

17. ) "Your hair is so fluffy!"

18. ) "Stop looking at me like that, or I'm going to start blushing."

19. ) "*Insert cheesy pick up line here*" "Try Again."

20. ) "You're the one thing in my life I don't regret."

21. ) "Hold my hand, I'll protect you."

22. ) "You can sleep, I'll keep you safe."

Murphamy (The 100) | @ceruleanoctober

23. ) "You're the only person that makes my self preservation fly out the window."

24. ) "Quit stealing all of the pillows!"

25. ) "I'm sleepy."

26. ) "I think in dying!!" "Baby, it's a cold."

27. ) "You're my new pillow."

28. ) "It doesn't matter what they think, I love you and that's what matters."

Remus Lupin x Reader | @shaynawrites23

29. ) "You're hands are so soft"

30. ) "Come back to bed, I'm still sleepy."

Angst

1. ) "It hurts."

2. ) "Please dont die, oh god baby, please."

3. ) "You broke my heart!"

4. ) "Don't leave me, I need you!"

5. ) "I'm sorry, They're dead."

6. ) "I want to die."

Blaise Zabini X Reader | @angelinathebook

7. ) "You said this time it'd be different!"

Bellamy Blake/John Murphy/Reader (The 100) | @justarandomgirlreadingstuff

8. ) "I don't love you anymore."

9. ) "Don't push mr away!"

10. ) "You are so selfish!"

11. ) "When will you stop thinking about only yourself and care about others?"

12. ) "You killed her/him/them!"

13. ) "I'm sorry."

14. ) "It wasn't your fault."

15. ) "It's all your fault!"

16. ) "I need to be alone."

17. ) "I'm dying."

18. ) "I have cancer."

19. ) "When did our love turn into possession instead?"

20. ) "You could've- could've stayed. You could've helped me fix things."

21. ) "Stop calling me."

22. ) "Why did they have to die?"

23. ) "Leave."

24. ) "Get out of my fucking house!"

Game Night Gone Wrong

Clarke Griffin/John Murphy | @malvieswift

25. ) "I thought you loved me?"

26. ) He/she/they're gone."

27. ) "Did you ever actually love me?"

Bellamy Blake x Reader | @im-a-writer-right

28. ) "My heart can't take this!"

29. ) "Stop! Please stop hurting him/her/them!"

30. ) "I love you." "Well, I hate you."

Bellamy Blake x Reader | @im-a-writer-right

Hurt/Comfort

1. ) "Get back in bed, you're still healing!"

2. ) "It hurts" "Oh, I know it'll be okay."

3. ) "I think I'm going to puke..."

4. ) "Can you see me?"

5. ) "How many fingers am I holding up?"

Clarke Griffin/John Murphy (The 100) | @malvieswift

6. ) "Can I have some water?"

7. ) "They can't hurt you anymore."

8. ) "Who hurt you?"

9. ) "Crying is a perfectly fine thing to do."

Murphy x *TBD* | @ceruleanoctober

10. ) "None of this was your fault."

11. ) "Its okay, let it out."

12. ) "Come here. Cry into my shoulder."

13. ) "You're safe."

14. ) "I'm not going to hurt you."

15. ) "Try to breathe for me."

16. ) "Don't cry baby, it's okay!"

The Great Pancake Mishap

Clarke Griffin/John Murphy/Emori (The 100) | @malvieswift

17. ) "Let's get you cleaned up, okay?"

The Great Pancake Mishap

Clarke Griffin/John Murphy/Emori (The 100) | @malvieswift

18. ) "Need to be held?"

Clarke Griffin/John Murphy (The 100) | @malvieswift

19. ) "Let's patch you up."

20. ) "I'm going to make you some food, and you're going to just lay there."

21. ) "How long has it been since you ate?"

22. ) "Those idiots hurt you, I'll tear them to shreds!" "..." "After I cuddle you and take care of you."

23. ) "I told you to be careful and what do you do? You go and break your arm!"

24. ) "You love me right" "Nope" "oh... Okay..." "No wait I was kidding! Wait!"

Remus Lupin x Reader | @the-moon-and-the-book

25. ) "Don't fucking touch her/him/them!"

Remus Lupin x Reader | @the-moon-and-the-book

26. ) "You can hold onto me if you're scared."

27. ) "Do you need a kiss?"

28. ) "Want to kiss it better?"

29. ) "They did WHAT to you??"

30. ) "I'm going to take care of you until you're better, I promise."

Smut

1. ) "Make Me."

2. ) "God, you're so hot."

3. ) "Did you just look me up and down and then bite your lip? Because if you did, then were having sex. Right now."

4. ) "You're so big."

5. ) "Stay quiet for me."

6. ) "You're my slut."

7. ) "I want to try something... Kinky."

8. ) "I need you in me so bad!"

9. ) "You like being full?"

10. ) "It hurts so good!"

11. ) "I'm going to eat you out/rim you for hours, baby."

12. ) "Can you cum again?"

13. ) "Alright, I'm not into choking, but I wouldn't mind if you grabbed my throat every once in a while."

14. ) "Beg for me."

15. ) "Aw, are you hard/wet? You need some help with that?"

16. ) "Kneel for me."

17. ) "You look so hot like this."

18. ) "I'm really sensitive."

19. ) "It's too much!"

20. ) "I'm going to overstimulate you all night, baby girl/boy."

21. ) "Don't you dare cum yet."

22. ) "Touch yourself for me."

23. ) "On your Knees."

24. ) "You're a pretty slut aren't you?"

25. ) "Fuck me."

26. ) "Harder. Faster!"

27. ) "Handcuffs? Sounds fun."

28. ) "I want you stripped and on your Knees when I get home."

29. ) "That wasn't sex, that was making love."

30. ) "I'm going to make you feel so good."

[beetlemancy]

Not angry venting but more gosh i really dislike that i keep trying to get back into watching live then I see matt making a rules calling that isnt correct and IM annoyed and i hate *that* emotional response, (specifically in this case not letting jester drop conc - which by the rules she is very much allowed to do at anytime), so again not angry venting *at matt* and more gosh i wish i didnt have standards on matt that he has no responsibility to me to keep, but somehow i still care about :(

hey, I’m gonna put the rest of your (relevant) asks and my response to them under this read more for brevity, and encourage anyone who gets up in their feelings about this ask to read the followups because they are far more important for context on this subject - AND please know that these asks were sent before the stuff that went down later in the episode. Also, those reading should take their time because its a wishy washy subject that can get sensitive but this is absolutely done in good faith and I think its important for us to acknowledge these feelings in ourselves when they come up!(also the last time I posted a long ass post like this the format got all wonky after I looked at it on mobile, so if its all one big paragraph - it was not intended to be that way and i’ll fix it soon)

Ask 2-3: just sent that ask and i want to clarify, its not bad matt not being RAW, follow the rules or perish. its more, hes a great dm and making a rules call that disadvantages the players for a reason i can not understand at all makes me feel not happy despite the fact that i know im not a player and this isnt actually effecting me personally, yet i sit here with my negative emotions and idea how to force myself to not feel them :(((((i told myself that was going to be my last ask of the night but for the sake of being clear with you) i also wonder how much of my being upset about being upset is that i dont want to be in the same camp as twitter / reddit ppl who get on matt about rules calls and are cruel to him about it, and just agreeing with their base statement makes me feel like im saying its okay to do that

Mmk. There’s sort of two main subjects I wanna cover: the action and the feeling.The basic truth is that occasionally we get feelings that remind us of the rage of people we do not want to be. This is human, and it happens in life in so many ways, not just in fandom. However, I’ll stick with CR for now. We see the Twitter and Reddit threads that berate Matt and the players for rule issues and we think, we would never be that up in our feelings, right? But it is so much less about what we feel and more about what our actions are. 

The people who make those posts? Some of them are full of so much hate for something that they just use this as an opportunity to lash out. Others are genuinely trying to be helpful and just don’t understand the concept that they are not the only person on the internet and that often times one person saying something is benign but that hundreds of people saying it is malicious. Sometimes people might not even feel that much about the subject but want to join the fight because its something to do or because their peers/friends are.

What defines the result of ANY rules lawyering post online is not the reason they made the post, though, is it? Its simply that they did. Their intent doesn’t really matter that much - a post was still made, and posts were made on top of that post, and those posts, and now we’ve got a flame war - intent be damned.

By the same nature, if you don’t make that post? It doesn’t matter what your feelings are on the topic. You choose to not add to that noise. Take that win and feel good about it! (btw, sending someone an ask to parse through your feelings on the subject isn’t ‘making that post’ either)

Okay. Now - about the feelings.

I’m honestly with you there and have been the last few combat scenarios. I’ve noticed myself wondering if Matt is getting more and more ‘me vs them’ in his combat DM style because it feels that way to me. I’m guessing that a lot of my discomfort also has to do with my inherent sense of black-and-white Fairness - being Autistic comes with that privilege for a lot of us. ADHD Cousins can get theirs in maroon I think, but they have to order it special. ;)

I grapple a lot with my feelings on combat in CR when it does start to feel antagonistic or unfair to one or more players (or sometimes even Matt himself!). Here is what I do: well, for one, compartmentalize until the next day or two. CR brings up a lot of feelings. Its a lot of story and I get super immersed. The emotions are high for everyone during a good episode, sometimes especially during combat, and so I allow myself the cool down time before I really look at it again.

After that time, if I still feel the same way and it still bugs me, I watch stuff where they talk about how much they love each other. I play that clip of Liam saying ITS A GAME! over and over. I get super in deep with the Critmas vids or another Talks episode I really love. That’s what helps me kick it, in the end. The visual and auditory reminder that these are friends and sometimes friends have a little tension when they are all in a state of high adrenaline but that they clearly would not do this if it wasn’t fun for them anymore. 

I do have a buddy of mine that is really hardcore Justice. He is, straight up, like Justice from Dragon Age. The guy is Fairness with a capital F, and his method of dealing is different from mine: he doesn’t watch combat from any TTRPG show. He just avoids it, because he doesn’t wanna be That Guy on reddit, but the intensity with which he feels the call to correct wrongs is very strong. He takes himself out of the equation, reads a recap or asks friends, and then can engage healthily with the RP and the story outside of combat. Its a good system for him.

Maybe you can find a method similar to either of these options? Maybe you just need a healthy place to vent about it. For that, I’d suggest a discord or a friend (or me off anon and then I won’t publish if you ask me not to! or send me a pm!). Or perhaps you need to reevaluate how you watch CR and what you’re willing to give up in order to not feel this way. Or maybe binge watching some quality CR wholesomeness will help those feelings dampen. Either way, you are not Wrong for feeling. We just have to watch our actions.

[minijeong]

i just read some of your dance analysis posts and whoa you're so cool skdjhsdf !!!!!!! well i was wondering, since fiesta has been out for quite some time and they also posted the dance practice vid, what are your thoughts on it choreo-wise?? u should answer this only if u have time though!!! (ps i love ur posts btw! they inspire me to make gifs too hehe keep it up! ^^)

HAHA thank you!!! i appreciate you appreciating my thoughts adkfjsa come join izonetwork if you want to hear more 🥰

i actually went wild about the choreo when it came out so i guess this is a good opportunity to re-evaluate now that i’m calm LOL. thoughts below the cut!

(yall insp me to make gifs too 😭😭)

to sort of premise my thoughts on the dance, i want to say that i really think fiesta set a new standard for gg dances. most of the time, gg dances that are praised are honestly not tHAT interesting to me… not to say that their work is for naught, but as someone who has seen a lot of dances of different levels, gg dances tend to fall flat in choreography and execution. ggs are usually not taught to use grooves or textures as basics, and companies dont want to spend effort teaching them to do so. then they are restricted to choosing choreographers that tend to make choreographies with “arms and legs”, and barely any torso movement besides basic body rolls or chest rolls. on top of that, they are usually given restricted outfits that make the dancing even more underwhelming for me and then i just prefer bgs for dance :( to be honest, even recent gg dances that people have been wowed at have not really been… that interesting for me either because of execution or choreography or both, but i dont want to mention them because i dont want to disregard the work of any idols! i respect them all and hope you will just take my word for it haha

i just watched the dance practice again and honestly the first thing that i think of is that the choreographers really put a lot of time and effort into this. usually to keep things dynamic, i try to change formations every 8-16 counts in a competitive set. this isnt usually something you see in kpop, but the choreographers had a lot of formation changes going on every 8 counts, and most of them werent just simple center or window changes… very nice. the use of stage was nice as well, and varying the number of members on stage at once is a good way to keep things dynamic. there are also points in the choreography that match the lyrics with movements that would normally be cheesy, but it ended up not being cheesy because the formations were so nice e.g. yujin’s first line using a waking up gesture, but having the other girls do level changes and fan their arms out… i enjoy that a lot

another thing i want to comment on about the choreography that is kind of rare to see in gg dances is the use of textures and how the musicality changes. to understand this, the intro is a good example. if you really listen to the music and match it with the choreography, you can tell that the choreographers try to follow a different instrument every 4-8 counts, and this is something i really value and look for as a choreographer. the choreography for fiesta isn’t just a simple one that follows an 8 count strictly (e.g. one that would probably look fine to any song as long as you follow the beat), and i appreciate that a lot

at the same time, izone gets equal credit, because theyre able to see it and interpret the choreography in relation to the music, showing that they have understanding and appreciation of textures and musicality in dance. i think this can be attributed to chaeyeon eunbi and yena and this is an asset in making a dance performance interesting

the only feedback i have about the choreography is that the formations are usually centered and the girls are usually brought up one by one either by walking up or being hidden behind a member that goes down when it is their part. it would be a lot more interesting if the attention was moved around with more variety, like having the attention move from one side of the stage to another. when done well this could be very interesting. the only place i see this happen is minju’s part at the beginning of the bridge

moving away from choreography, and before i talk about the girls, i just want to mention that i feel the stylists are very mindful about izone’s mobility while dancing this comeback. the outfits are generally easy to move in, and the part that stands out to me the most is the shoes. in the comeback show, they were wearing boots, which are easier to dance in than other shoes that ggs usually wear. in the other stages where the stylists have them wear heels, those are the best heels you can wear for dancing lol (boot heels). a lot of dancers i know who have to dance in heels use boot heels because those are the most comfortable to dance in, and give proper ankle support to keep you safe. i also found that the outfits from the comeback show (although many people thought they werent flattering for the girls individually) worked really well with the dance, like when the camerawork showed an arial view

ok now for izone

i think for this comeback, my favourite member to watch is yena. this choreography has a lot more musical complexity this time around, and i think this is yenas greatest strength. to kind of show what i mean, i watch yenas fancam and see how well you can hear the music from her movements, and then watch another member, and it just doesnt match the same. (but also i have a weird thing where i can basically “hear” when someone moves, so it might be a personal thing lol. try it out anyway!). 

another person i notice is eunbi. normally the choreography and concept is softer or cuter, so eunbi hasnt really been able to show off her strength, but there are parts in this choreo that let eunbi really go off and it feels like she literally slaps me in the face when she hits lol. good example of this is in the comeback show at her last part… that hip hit… i actually felt like she punched me lol… thats when i realized that eunbi could beat me up in an instant she is so strong lol…

other things i noticed… hitomi sakura and nako’s musicality has improved, yujin is learning to dance as a tall person (match your levels with shorter people… it’s a skill LOL), hyewon and nako are learning to put more strength in their movements (my heart flipped when i saw), and izone is really unified when they are in good condition. i say good condition because idk about you, but in the first week of their performances, watching them made me feel kind of uneasy. i could feel their anxiousness from the way they moved and from the looks in their eyes and i could eunbi being dizzy and losing balance and it made me sad… esp compared to comeback show. in comeback show, you can see that they have the same fire in their eyes, that they really are performing as one, and thats honestly what you want to aim for when you are dancing as a group

but for the show, izone really hit different… the fire was coming back and i watched it like ten times… i think the best part is seeing the fire in the eyes of members you dont really see it from, like minju and nako. not to say that they dont perform well because this isnt what i mean at all, but their intensity and focus made me feel their genuine effort on stage and i loved it. theres just a Look that dancers have when their condition is good and they’re performing better than usual. and there’s just this Vibe that a team gives off when things are going Right. it’s really hard to explain because it’s not really something you practice, but it’s just when your hearts match and everyone is on the same page and when you dance with your team the energy you share with your team and the energy you have on the stage is literally TANGIBLE. there is really no other way i can find to explain it, and im honestly normally a super sciency person… but this is just something i will never be able to explain… 

the only thing about that performance was that they performed with such energy and intensity that they kind of lost it after the bridge LOL. there are times in choreographies when you’re really tired and theres a resting point and ur adrenaline dies down a bit and ur like shit im tired LOL. and you can kind of see that happen… yena seems tired, and then the formation kind of gets messy,,, but it’s understandable because that jumping is tiring looool

if i had to give izone some constructive feedback:

the pathing for some of the arms in certain parts of the choreo are not the same, so it gets a little messy and loses effect. i know this is something they can fix if they know how to though, since there are other arm parts that are very clean

the timing for some of the canons need to be cleaned up.. i understand this is very hard though. the choreographers gave them pretty quickly timed canons that dont really follow any part of the music. this is generally really hard on the people in the middle vs. the people at the beginning and end who have it easier knowing exactly when to start and stop their movement (google dance canon if you dont know what im talking about)

it would be best if izone learned to pace themselves throughout the performance while keeping the focus and intensity. e.g. if youre going hard all the time, youll run out of energy real quick, so usually when dancers perform they kind of gauge when they put in 80% effort vs 110%, so the performance can have ups and down, and they wont get tired that much. this is honestly hard though and im still working on it hehe i get excited really easily and then halfway im wheezing like holy shit i shoulda calmed down LOL

to make things cleaner, it would be best if some members adjusted their height more e.g. wonyoung esp when they are near nako LOL it’s tough but yea it’s a skill… i got yelled at for like 6 months before i learned so

some formations need to be adjusted e.g. the last one, yuri and hitomi need to move out a bit to adjust to the formation change for the end formation. sakura is actually quite attentive and readjusts her formation mid movement to fix the line - this just needs to happen on the other side now

some random things i noticed:

yena has clean hands and arms and i appreciate this

their facial expressions change collectively at some parts e.g. minju’s first part, they all start smiling and their dance gets light and it’s cute. also during yenas rap in so curious they collectively get more serious and i like that uwu

if chaewon stomps on me one more time in the beginning ill probably cry 

i really like the crossing behind wonyoung with their arms up (at the beginning) that goes into the hits (yena hits HARD) and then the hair flip canon (this is always so good omg)

my dance friend acknowledged this choreo, like its good can confirm

that leg part where they go down in the chorus is hard lol i was talking to my dance friend like yea if i had to do that in a set id quit like i cant man LOL

i miss chaeyeon’s chest hit that was in the mv during her part she doesnt do it anymore :cry:

more members are figuring out how to spot during spins and SO AM I i feel an emotional connection LMAO

after wizones were worrying about members’ knees, they started being more cautious when doing the floor part and i thought that was the sweetest thing ever

if youre still here, thanks for coming to my ted talk and thanks for supporting my blog and caring if i have time etc etc etc my anons are always always so sweet qq

[yievie]

whew! what’s up everyone! my name is crissy and yes, i am the clown who sent my account ask on anonymous last night. luv that for me! I GOT A COOL FAMILY ICON IM CRYING!!! now this is yi eun hye, better known as evelyn yi or evie, paging dr. sexy md don’t call her that though, she’ll kill you omg the second eldest princess of the four neglected korean princess sisters aka the mom friend sister or the buzzkill responsible sister. 

~`click anywhere here for a link to my app ~

under the cut i’m gonna throw some important personality and background stuff along with maybe? half-formed plot ideas? if not i’ll make a follow up post later, but pls like this plot if you wish to plot, i’ll try to come bother u. my ims are open hmu anytime (also bc im anxious af to b first message bc im BABY) and I ALSO have a discord located at quarantine queen#2918 where i’m usually v v v active. (lmk if u cant add me shoot me a message on here and ill fix it) ok imma shut up here is cranky daughter! ITS LONG SRRY

( pS: also if my blog is too hard to read just stick /mobile on the end of the url xx )

background 

the empress and emperor of korea had 5 kids, 4 daughters, 1 pampered son and evie was the second oldest daughter after dianna but like, she’s bossy and high strung and acts like the oldest anywayS so it doesn’t matter!

woo! however, korean tradition is rooted deeply in patriarchy and other backwards thinking,  >:(((( so evie’s parents basically pretended like their son was the only kid they had and sent evie and her 3 sisters off to swedish boarding school to ROT as they each turned 10 and forgot abt them while they groomed their son for the throne! thx mom n dad! luv u too! sdjlaksjd

during her time at boarding school evie was expected to not learn much of anything, not do anything spectacular, she wasn’t expected very good grades or to be smart or successful or anything bc that was Men’s Work and so evie did . . . THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

evie EXCELLED in school, straight a’s, top of her class, honors, ap valedictorian, which meant all nighters, nose bleeds at 2am from studying too hard, looking dead walking through the hallways, eating ramen 25/8, falling asleep w her face in her textbooks, getting bullied a lot for being a nerd and Not looking like her sisters and like...the creature from the black lagoon.

her parents, understandably, were not very happy with this but it wasn’t until she wanted to go to medical school that her parents were like FURIOUS. to them, women, esp the princesses, were only supposed to get married, have kids, THAT WAS IT. so evie wanting to be a doctor enraged them. STAY MAD!

they tried to have her engaged SO. MANY. TIMES. but she has a really repellent personality, she’s very kat stratford from 10 things i hate about you. and is rude and states her very liberal very socialist opinions often, dresses sloppy and hurts mens feelings a lot just for fun so they all went rUNNING from those match appointments! her parents literally are losing their minds they don’t know what to do w her theyre like god why did we give birth to the aNTICHRIST!?!?!?

not wanting anything to do with her parents, evie got into college and medical student on scholarship based on her own merit and skill. evie went to the seoul national university for 4 years then did a 2 year residency at the country’s top hospital, becoming one of the best on call heart surgeons there.

the korean media likes to clown on her A LOT! bc shes scary and angry and cares very little abt her appreance is A DOCTOR and not a princess really for the opposite reason they clown on dianna but evie does not really care she doesn’t care abt impressing people, just saving lives and proving people wrong. finger guns

but yes! thats what u missed on glee. evie was a heart surgeon in korea before being shipped off to thailand! shes v salty by the way ... even more than usual.

fun facts?

evie wears massive grandma glasses to see bc shes BLIND when shes in line with her sister people do not think she’s related and are like “OMG OMG THE PRINCESSES!!! BUY WHATEVER U WANT ON THE HOUSE I--oh? maam? uh? can we help u, ahjumma?” HELP

very dry, mean, will call you out on ur shit and hurt ur feelings probably. doesn’t really know how to Chill or have fun, stays out of drama and parties for the most part literally that old man that tells u to get off their lawn

LOVES HER SISTERS!!!! LOVES THEM!!! moms them and nags the FUCK out of them tho abt everything. wear a sweater its cold, drink water, dONT DO THAT GET DOWN FROM THERE, i told u to eat before u drank all that soju pabo!!!! skhaslkfh BUT SHE LOVES THEM VERY MUCH HER WOOOORLD the only people shes kind of nice to

as stated, has tried to been matched up before but has basically scared away all her matches by being A Lot and not polite or dainty and burping probably

her mom calls her all the time to talk abt how shes having a heart attack bc her second daughter is an unmarried, childless, spinster with a cat who is embarrassing her by being a doctor and being loud and obnoxious and outspoken against the royal heirarchy and right wing politics. evie just puts her on mute and lets her keeping yelling at no one for the next hour

loves beer, loves fried chicken, very unladylike, wears oversized sweaters and her hair messy and watches love island australia and the bachelor just to make fun of the people being in love and stupid i think secretly she kind of wants it but...thinks shes unlovable and will die before she says that shh

bisexual legend! cue mr and mrs yi screaming somewhere

not that it matters bc she cares little abt romance and sex and always put work and school before everything so everything touchy like that she either ends abruptly or stays the hell away from

never parties or goes out but when she does get really drunk gets very cute and touchy and happy there is one video on the internet of her like on a table ashdkh yikes 

is soft deep down just like *shrek voice* donkey, orges are like onions they have layers and u gotta get past a lot of them for her to get past her level 4 tragic backstory and into the soft, vulnerable part of her personality its nice i promise she is SQUISHY

weird plots???

best friend? im sure she has one somewhere. or friends at all? people who arent scared of her who shes nice to....mostly

enemies woo! hate her its very easy to hate her so do it

u want to do a daredevil thing like when matt shows up bleeding and dying or after a fight or something and she patches u up

just anyone need a doctor bc paging dr sexy md~

past loves? boyfriend? girlfriend? weird flings? weird tension unresolved stuff WOOO

ANYONE who broke her heart for the angst and drama

hit on her itll b funny

anyone who she was previously matched w who she scared off

someone shes currently trying to be matched or betrothed to GOOD LUCK

someone she has a crush on YIKES or vice versa

any of the college kids need a tutor? 

roommates? 

ANYTHING PLS HMU <333

[yourlocalmusicalprostitute]

Cry to Me Ben Hardy x Reader

Howdy again! I'm here with a gift for the incredible @owensgrxdy ❤ I saw that you enjoy movie soundtracks & since we share that in common I went through some of my favorite movies which landed me on this song! Its from Dirty Dancing and I really suggest you give the song a listen.

Few things before you read: this is a good old fashioned (lover boy) friends to lovers troupe, theres a kissing scene & mention of sex, but I wouldnt say this is 18+. Still read with caution, if that kind of stuff bothers you please dont read **i cant do cuts im on mobile stop judging me**

Doncha feel like cryin'

Doncha feel like cryin'

C'mon baby, (c'mon) cry to me

Had it really been twenty-three days? Twenty-three entire days that your apartment grew colder by the minute.

Google advised you on day eight that it takes three months to get over a major break up, so you began to keep tally on the wall paper of your mind.

For twenty-three days your body only knew work and your couch. A shower weasled its way in there only a few times. You hated to admit that, but you can't step foot in your shower without thinking of every thing that occurred in it. All of the roaming hands, pleased noises, muscles tense then relaxed.

You shifted on your couch. The memories placed a sad pit in your stomach. You'd give up everything just to have him back. Maybe not even him, just the comfort of him, if that were even possible.

A few loud knocks landed on your door. You knew it couldn't be him, but you still held the hope. Quickly, you stood and walked to the door. Just before opening you adjusted your more than oversized shirt and gave your armpits a sniff. You were good to go to open the door.

But you hesitated. If it were who you wanted it to be he would clearly see the mess you were. Frankly it was embarassing. The man walked out one week before Christmas, all things he wanted to keep already packed. He had to have it planned for a while.

You took a step back. There's no way you're answering the door now, your mind talked you out of it. But the knocking happened again. It was freezing out, you couldn't leave him there, so you opened the door.

It was just Ben.

"Oh...hey, what are you doing here?" Ben rarely showed up unannounced.

"You weren't answering any of my calls." Ben let himself in. It was infact freezing. He trudged snow in with him.

"Yeah, sorry. I-I've been busy." That was true. You were busy moping and you could tell Ben knew by the way his eyebrows raised at you.

"Well, I haven't seen you in a month. I brought wine," Ben looked around and saw the bottle you already had open, "but I guess you've had some already."

"It's been twenty-three days actually." You took the bottle of wine and sauntered toward the kitchen. Ben followed and leaned onto the island.

"What?" He asked and you sighed.

"It's been twenty-three days." You informed him again and allowed him to follow you back to the couch.

The television was the brightest thing in your space. You had a few christmas lights up, but many of them weren't lit. You could never figure out how to fix them, but your ex knew. Another reason why you wanted him there with you.

"Well that's much too long. I should've came sooner." Ben brought his feet onto your coffee table. You slapped his knee, he moved them reluctantly.

"It's fine. You were working."

"Yeah, but I never fail to make time for you, and you need a friend right now." You didn't intend to scoff at Ben's words, but you did.

"What I need is a machine to just erase everything in my brain." Ben shook his head at you.

"I'm sorry he hurt you. He's such a dick. Anyone that can walk out on you like that has no idea what they're giving up." Ben always knew what to say.

For the first time in over three weeks you cracked a bit of a smile. You moved closer to Ben and lay your head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you Ben. He left and I...I just felt so alone, which is so stupid because you're my friend, you're always right there. Always one call or text away." You stopped talking to take a breath. Tears were beginning to form along your water line. Sitting there with Ben made you realize you hadn't really allowed yourself to cry.

"I just didn't want to come to you like this, crying." You finished talking and Ben took hold of your hand.

"Please don't ever hesitate again. Cry to me all you need, I'll turn the world upside down to make you feel better." The sincerity in Ben's voice was richer than it had ever been.

You looked up and Ben's eyes were red too. "God, I'm sorry." You let go of Ben's hand to bring your own to his face. Your thumb caught a tear and wiped it away.

When you went to move your hand away, Ben's came up. He held your palm against his cheek. Then, in the swiftest but most gentle motion, Ben moved his head to press a kiss on your palm.

Surprisingly you gasped, but didn't move. Ben kissed your palm again, then your wrist, and traveled further up your arm. "You're beautiful," Ben kissed your upper arm, "you're valid," he then kissed your collarbone, "I love you," you weren't stopping him, he kissed just below your ear, "I'll do anything for you." That's where Ben stopped.

Your breathing had quickened without your knowledge. Ben had never been so intimate with his kisses before. He had kissed your hand or cheek when greeting you, but this felt as if he had been wanting to kiss you that way.

The two inches of air between his mouth and yours grew thicker. "Would you really do anything for me?" Your question was barely audible. It seemed like if you made in sudden movements that your mouth would collide with his.

"Of course. You're my.." Best friend. Ben was going to call you his best friend, but he didn't want to say that. He didn't want that title anymore.

"Best friend." You finished for him and he nodded slowly. Neither of you had moved. "Would we still be best friends if I kissed you?"

Ben raised his eyebrows at you. "I suppose, can't know for sure. I mean we haven't done...it."

His lips are a little thinner than yours so at first it seemed as if your lips were cradling Ben's. As the kiss went on Ben grew more confident, his hand found its way to the nape of your neck which sent your mind spiraling.

Ben used his thumb to rub lovingly on your cheek as you kissed. You don't remember when exactly, but his tongue was now tangled with yours. He felt so amazing. The urge to wrap your legs around him grew more intense as the seconds passed. You were going to, but Ben pulled back.

Fear immediately swam through your body. Ben was searching your eyes for something and you prayed he could see that you wanted this. You wanted him. Even though you felt as if you never knew how badly you wanted him until now.

"You just broke up with him. I can't do this. I don't want you to regret it." Ben felt as he was on fire. He waited ages to get you where you are, but he couldn't move forward if you weren't completely on board.

"God Ben, why didn't I choose you? Am I crazy?" You and Ben laughed for the first time since he arrived.

"Maybe a little, but that's okay." Ben's tongue darted between his teeth as he smiled and you groaned.

"Stop being cute Ben, you're killing me." He laughed more, this time hiding his blushing face between your neck and shoulder.

You were still best friends. Best friends that spent Christmas day having sex, eating, watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas, then more sex.

[notwerewolfprez]

Im on mobile and I need to vent and I have no idea how to make an under the cut post so like if you know me irl do not fucking ask me about this post (or better yet dont read it), if you see me posting this... no you didnt.

CW for me talking abt being really mentally ill.

I like dont know how to describe what I'm feeling right now other than coughing after inhaling a lung full of ice cold water... like??? You almost drowned but now your on land spluttering and gasping and going "what the fuck. What the fuck." Theres a violent split in me between the small regressed PTSD voice in my head that is essentially making grabby hands, its this very small quiet voice that is absolutely desperate for comfort and to be vulnerable and to let someone take care of them that wants to be held and sheltered and cherished and then my disgusting hard outer shell that is much louder going "shut the fuck up. Your fine. You have always taken care of yourself and your power through this too because you literally are a survivor." And I'm just really struggling with keeping a filter/floodgate on things, like I'm trying to process what happened to me slowly and piece by piece so I dont become overwhelmed but I literally want to check back into the psych ward because I am one intrusive though away from like... physically banging my head against a wall to make it stop. I was doing okay and keeping myself distracted and only making mildly impulsive dumb decisions but I saw a stupid video tonight that I didnt think was going to set me off and I just. Broke down sobbing, but even then I was sitting next to Ryan and he was watching me and I could tell that he was ready to put himself in an uncomfortable position to try to fix what was going on/take care of me and I just... clenched my teeth and sucked in some deep breaths and forced myself to calm down and without saying anything booted up my PS4 so I could focus on something else. And then after I left his house I had this really aggressive thought about how the fact that I want/get off to someone beating the shit out of me in bed is directly correlated to the things I've gone through and how I think I'm a bad person, and I've like always known that my kinks are bad coping mechanisms but it's just like uahshahcfyufehssm shut up brain. Please. For fucks sake can I get one quiet day. I'm glad I'm on quarantine bc I am c o v e r e d in s*lf h*rm scars because I keep having panic attacks and the pain would make it stop. I have medication now for when I panic so i havent done it recently but they're deep and angry and taking a long time to heal and I cant be alone for longer than going home and going to bed bc if I'm alone I freak out. I feel so bad for Ryan but hes said multiple times and reassured me hed rather have me over every day and know I'm safe but it's just like. I shouldnt make someone else feel burdened like that. Bsjjsksjdhshshaushsv I just wanna feel healthy. Therapy is just drudging up a lot of shit and theres a lot of huge blank spaces in my memory and I'm scared to know what they are and after sessions I feel really really fucking raw. I know itll feel better eventually but I am just so nauseated thinking about it right now. I'm this close to picking up smoking again.

[cheryllcher]

ladybug reactions (spoiler alert!!!)

a little late cuz i was busy but i finally watched ladybug!! again im on mobile so sorry about not putting the keep reading thingy!! btw im pretty harsh with alya but i dont hate her it was just my reaction so no alya hate i swear :))

- theme song: AHHHH NO IM NOT READYYYYYYYYY

- wait adrien making the charm bracelet???? wasnt that like back in s2?? wuts going onnnnnnn

-well i still dont know wuts up by yay marinette he allowed adrien to go to you bday party cuz of u i guess

-OH THIS IS A FLASH BACK IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

-oh look gabe the hawky man is out if the house look at that

-OHNO LIELA WUT R U DOING WUT R U PLNNINGGGGG >:(

-idk wut she stole but it's bad ohohohoh OHNO HOW DARE U U R GONN ACCUSE HER IF THEFT DKSJDJSJ

-lieslieslies liela please stop talking

-"u gOtTa StoP oBsSesSiNg OvEr hEr mArInetTe" yes please listen to yourself when u are with lila thanks

-wow even chloe is shook okayokay im liking this episode alredy even tho i hate liela's guts

-*gasp* omg she got full marks im so proud of u girllllll after all the akumas from mr. buttfly man u deserve it fvldkwkw

-OH YES FINALLY- ew liela- SOMEONE'S DEFENDING HER

-liela you're hardly making it unbearable?? like no offence u are just an inconvinience that just wont stop

-oh great all of the "liela accused marinette of pushing down the stairs" fics are coming truu

-iM SORRY MR DAMOCLES LIKE UM U SHOULD REALLY INVESTIGATE IT FIRST?? DONT JUST TAKE SOMEONE'S WORDS AT FIRST VALUE??(i mean in my opinion)

-if liela is having this much trouble shouldnt her mum be called?? since this is a case of "severe bullying"

-YAS THE PARENTS BELIEVE HER this episode is going great

-um since when was ms bustier with them??????? but go off i guess

-alix is mad?? well u better sorry to the person who will give u your miraculous i mean come on u should know marinette isnt a theif?? u should question it??

-OH YES ADRIENS GONNA DEFE- OH COME ON MR DAMOCLES NOW THAT'S JUST RUDE

-hawky im disappointed in u like i have no words to describe it i cant believe u would encourage this liar to cause teen drama

-again?? okay normally i would say give nathalie a raise but now yea okay u 2 deserve each other sheesh OH catalyst is returning dksjfjsjjd um where's the butterfly mask thingy??

-oh nooooooooo fight it mari!! don't let it get u!!!!!! ohhhhh loook chloe's protecting sabrina- wait does liela know about gabriel being hawkmoth??

-princess justice-- altho yes marinette deserves to be princess but i only accept if she's chat's princess

-NO DONT DO IT wow buttfly man so now u careeee. wait so if the person hasnt become an akuma the butteflies go away?? woah.

-um alya shouldnt u find it weird that all these lies involve liela?? like liking same guy aside--

-"yOu'Re mY bEst FrIeNd mArIneTtE i tOtaLlY bEliEvE u" and u wont believe her when she told u about liela go tell her "cHeCk yOuR SouRcEs" yea and then liela's story become tru great job ms reporter

-im sorry ma'am , sir but your daughter needs to run away to be ladybug sometimes???

-liela's mum???? MA'AM YOUR DAUGHTER HAS BEEN HELPING THAT MAN CAUSE HAVOC--

-oh there's some back story about emilie?? im intrigued

-wow liela good u see u actually do lie well for once but i still hate u anyway--

-oh nathalie wut a rebel wait hold up- theo?? dude just how many jobs do u have??

-and we return to the oh so beloved sewer!!

-duusu has such mood swings but I LOVE HER SO MUCH

-soooooo still havent come up with a name for u yet do u just break and buy new glasses everyday orrrr

-lolllll she's like "ahhhhhh my masterpiece is gonna be perfecto!!"

-omagod NO

-oh adrien gonna defend her-- oh nevermind mayura's there NATHALIE THIS ISNT REALLY A GOOD TIME-

-did she just- do that evil dramatic laugh for the cameras?? becuz honestly sameeee

-plagg i love u dont ever change

-CHAT NO IT'S A TRAPPPPP

-return of the marinette vision!!

-wow this sentimonster is good at actingggg also marinette please be there soon my heart cant take it

-omygosh ADRIEN PLEASE DONT BE STUPID AHHHHHHH NO

-*moment of realisation* oh shoot she likes someone else!! "uhhhhh it's- it's over"

-ADRIEN DONT KISS HER U IDIOT- omg yas thank u ladybug for saving this idiot

-"I CANT BELIEVE U FELL FOR THAT!!" pffft idk why this is funny HAHAHAHAHA

-oh mayura wait where was the telepathy mask the whole time anyway- yes ladybug is smarter than that

-marinette u take that back--- yes chat but u should know the love of your life but that tiny smile and giggle thoooooooo

-oh okay it's not the giant sword again

-lol she got a fork

-pffffft was that just-- a giant gum shooter i cant i cant even *laughs for like 5 mins*

-awwww nooroo caressss im sorry u had to go through this babyyyyy

-well oof that sound thank gosh im not wearing earphones

-awww yea 2 ladybugs dkskdkdkd "buggettes and kitty cats" I STAN

-noooo sentiladybug :( oh i guess adrien wasnt allergic at the moment :/

-wow the wordplay hawky definitely like father like son

-grandpa-- oh adrien poor child if only u knew

-ohhhhhh mothface u will regret it if u knew who chat was

-nathalie just gave up loll i relate

-aww the tail moves so cute

-yea rip buggette 2019-2019 :(((

-she's just my assistant-- alright go on your business i've got more interesting things to see

-hey we finally here the photographer's name- ewwwww liela wat is she doing hereeeee

-ohohoh adrien's angry liela u better watch out

-YAS FINALLY HE'S PROTECTING HIS PRINCESS GIRLFRIEND FRIEND

-"becuz we're friends aren't we??" wow u really just pulled that card

-rare disease- sir u should call for a doctor or at least a doctor's note yes?? like this is very um *cough* concerning *cough cough* no matter how.... moving

-hey marinette's tryna be the bigger person by being nice and mend bridges now you're just being rude

-EWEWEWWWWWW CURSED PHOTOS CURSED PHOTOS BLEH CALLING ALL EDITORS TO FIX THIS MESS!!!!

-yes marinette's face is a mood

overall this episode is actually realllllllllly gooooood they did really well with this one and yea now i can come up with scenarios to u know, put liela in her place :))) (there might be art for it if there is im gonna look out for them)

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

#5

I took 300. It's been about 4 days since my last one but dealing with this sinus infection + interview + generally being busy lately just naturally kept me from taking it much. But I thought about it randomly and me being me it wouldn't stop until I did it or there was something serious preventing me from doing so. I'm kinda predisposed for this shit now that I'm saying it out loud. I do this with everything. I just blew all my money at this store off me seeing a mere 2 shirts I was interested in. It's honestly something I should work on outside of all this lmao

Ngl I have no idea how to make the keep reading thing on mobile so this is gonna be a... massive wall of text to scroll past for a hit I'm so sorry. I'll fix it as soon as possible I promise

UPDATE: tis done finally and i'm gonna try and better explain what I was tryna say yesterday in my notes

AFTERMATH

I ended up taking about 100 more and I woulda did more but it started to hit hard hard and it was making body do the absolute most so I just went to bed. I feel really sleepy and out of it. I'm ready to go back to sleep to be real. I feel exhausted. My perception of time is kinda fucked as well. That'd commonish when I'm like this tbh. I hate it so much. I don't want to feel like this

NOTES/EMOTIONS

I've recently had this random message and we've been talking pretty consistently everyday. It's been cool. But it did make me realize some shit with R. It just made me see that it either was never or has been a long while since she has been like... full on full on about me. The way that she made it seem when it happened was that she felt the same but she knew that she should continue on with her gf but now seeing how I've been these last few months, I dont think it was as mutual as she made it out to be.

She was... very confused. Cause not saying it like that but the way she was able to jump ships so quick and just be completely good is the biggest eye opener for me. I now HAVE someone I can do all that with if I really wanted to and to be real I have a long term friendship that's gotten a lot closer lately and I know it'd get there if I let it but it's just like... I don't want it. Plain and simple. I've been having person after person where I could easily ease into allllll the garbage we used to talk about and hangout for just as long as we used to but I just.. I dunno. It doesn't feel the same. So it doesn't get all the way there. But seeing as she just said she'd do it and just did it plain as that with seemingly no struggle? I see that it's always been one-sided. Or at least it was a bigger deal to me than it was to her. Which is valid tbh

It kinda helped me... mmm... stop longing as much? It's been a big thing for me all throughout my life having all my friendships and my singular relationship all be more important to me than to them. So having that unfold in front of me for prolly the 100th time has changed my thinking alot. I still wish it was like that but seeing as it was whatever to her it made me see that I'm holding onto such a small part of her. You know? If that's something you can give away and take back with no problem, it must notve been that important. So why am I hung up on that? She's more than whatever she gave me and I think it's unfair of me to let myself hurt from her just existing. Im not explaining it right. Sorry. I'm coming up on it atp and even if I weren't high it'd be hard to describe anyway 😮‍💨

Next day update: Uh i'm gonna try and restate what I mean by holding onto a small part of her. I feel like I wasn't fully understanding what I meant by that my damn self lmao

For one, I'm sure this is way I'm feeling is partially a trauma response. I've always felt cast aside all my life. With me moving around a lot, I never had any deep deep friendships with anyone which led me to be pretty disposable to the friendships I did end up making through the years. I just didn't have the history all the ther kids had with them you know? Then after a while, I started to see signs of that same thing in my family as well. That I'll explain more in detail in a later entry as the thick of it isn't needed for you to understand my point. It is an ongoing issue and it's been this way for as long as I can remember. So feeling like it happened again to someone I really thought was different triggered it. Ofc

Though now that I've thought more on it, I partially still think she sees me the way I see her but due to her own issues she's sticking to her current relationship. Which I've kind of seen for a while. It'd make perfect sense. Her self of self worth is piss poor at best and she acts like she has to "make up" for her being horrible when in reality if her partner loves her the way she should, she wouldn't want her to be overworking herself to prove herself. She's enough as is you know?

But, even if that isn't the case after all, if she really never liked me in that way or if she did and moved on, I still need to be a better friend to her. I feel like I've been letting my hurt get in the way and it's not fair. I think my letting us not talking as much distance us is sending the wrong signals. It makes it seem like I only like her for what she was doing for me and now that she's not constantly around to provide that I'm losing my feelings. Which is really not the case.

I hate that I've been acting this way for so long. I won't go in too much detail cause I'm pretty tired atp and I want to outline for another entry. But basically, I think that me not changing how I treat her throughout all this will keep me from looking like I only fell for what she did for me. Because really, that's the only thing that changed. It makes it feel shallow that I've been upset for so long tbh. She's still her at the end of the day and she didn't hurt me on purpose. And at the end of the day, she just needs something stable and unchanging for once.

It feels like everything else is a giant rollercoaster of emotions that vary so much day by day. She's lost friends to them catching feels, have siblings with major anger issues, and her partner goes ghost when they're upset half the time. I know being caught in that all the time can warp your perception overtime. She's not used to things just being easy. She always has to fight for her place. And I know it's scary to have this random just be like hey uh. You're cool and I'm not dipping if you aren't. So I completely understand if she can't feel the same right now. Or ever honestly. I hope that she gets out of that mindset someday but I completely understand if that doesn't mean running back to me. And I don't want that to look like that's my motivation. I just want to teach her that you don't have to be perfect all the damn timeto keep people around

I won't even lie. IM guilty of that as well. Because throughout my life, arguing was seen as something to avoid as all costs for various reasons. Not wanting to talk back, not wanting to upset people, making a more casual friendship a deeper one by bringing up things deeper than whatever surface level bs we'd talk about. Conflict to me usually meant a long time of either awkward and slow "recovering" with nothing changing regardless or drifting apart. It was never something we could casually talk out. Things just had to hit the fan first. It wasn't something we could just talk out

I hate that she feels the same way. It makes me sad. Cause I see her... well not see.... mmm.. I can sense her tensing up when we have our disagreements. Even when she first said we couldn't talk as much, I had to reach out to show I wasn't leaving because of it. She was too scared to talk.

We've had other disagreements and she still gets nervous. I try to keep a more level head nowadays. Whenever I blow up I can see that it strains our friendship for a bit and even though I know we can work past it, why put that pressure on us you know? I've tried to be better about discussing things rather than waiting for it all the blow up into something we HAVE to address and I hope that someday that helps her raise the bar of who all she gives her all to. If me of all people can keep my cool given all that's happened, she should start expecting that from randoms as well. It's the bare minimum and I WISH she saw it that way.

I think that with that being said, me not changing how I treat her through all this is a good thing on two fronts. For one, it doesn't make it seem like the only thing I liked about her is what she did for me. I like her for her and while I miss it, she's a lot more than what we did together through those few months and it implies otherwise to let things change when for the most part that's all that changed. She's still my favorite person with or without the 80 million year long vcs and not being around 24/7.

And two, it shows stability. I said I wouldn't leave as long as she'd keep me around, and me keeping my word through everything should be a lesson. If they wanted to, they would. I am slightly sad about the shit and it still hurts sometimes. But at the end of the day, I'm not going to abandon her because of it. Her feelings are very important to me and I'm not going to hurt her so I can try and "replace" her or go back to my old ways cause it'd be easier for me. And that should be the way all her friends treat her. It's a basic respect. I hate that she's gotten so used to endlessly chasing and changing for others and not getting the same energy back. But I hope that I can set a standard for her though this stuff.

I am. Real sleepy atp and i think i explained enough. probably. ill reread tomrrow its 4:30 atp and i didnt start that outline yet..

I'll move onto the next things with less detail as I think I'm taking more. My sister has a boyfriend that she regularly sneaks out to see. I have been alr with being her alibi for the most part. It helps both of us in a way and I know that she appreciates it. So I just did it and tried to reassure her that she could drag me wherever long as they ain't start interrogating me or anything. But her boyfriend is. Very immature. Very. They have been fighting a lot and not saying it as she doesn't have her issues but he has a lot of shit you can see just by the outside looking in

He's quick to anger, at one point they fought over the fact she commented on some dude in bts's post wishing him a quick recovery. That was what made him irredeemable in my opinion. Insecurity is a horrible thing you know? It can make you say a lot of dumb shit. And some people are more vocal about them but I wish he didn't take it out on her you know? Half their problems would be fixed if he wasn't so scared to be vulnerable.

But even then.. still. He's kinda mean to her. And everyone from the looks of it. Told his own mom to shut up, talked shit about me from the veryyy beginning when I barely knew him, actually was talking shit about me right at the mall today. He's just too comfortable doing that mess to anyone. It's inconsiderate and disrespectful. His mom and my sister sure. Maybe they're close and they know he doesn't mean it. But once he started doing me like that when I have barely spoken a whole sentence to this dude I got the ick.

And those two came together and reminded me of an old friend's relationship. Very similar. Dude ended up being a horrible person but she never saw it until he started physically abusing her while she was pregnant with his child. And it makes me tempted to treat him just as I did my friend's ex. It just is so clear from the outside looking in and it's so easy to call them out on their bluff you know? They do all this extra as far as yelling and talking shit but at the end of the day it's because they're scared and ashamed of they damn self. And it's pathetic that they're taking such a common issue and taking it out on someone that's only there to love you.

I'm trying to stop myself but. Very hard. So hard. I don't want to explain all this to my sister in fear of ostracizing her. I know how it feels to be in her shoes. But it just sucks that it's gonna take her to see it herself you know?

God. I have so much more I want to say but. I'm freezing. I'm just gonna sleep. Or take more. I dunno. I don't know why I rambled so much today. Everything was just feeling clear ig

[jynnispook]

Wanna put this under a read more but im on mobile so just scroll

Bummer to get so catastrophically bummed out for my birthday every year. Makes me feel like a massive asshole when someone tries to do something nice for me on my birthday and I'm still sad. There just isn't anything that will ever make up for 20 years of nothing. I also wish I could stop being so overwhelmingly upset about it every year! I WANT to be happy and have fun on my birthday but it just fills me with this horrible sense of dread and sadness, which is made worse bc it's supposed to be fun and great. Then theres this pressure to smile and be happy when anyone tries to do anything bc otherwise i feel like an ungrateful jerk if im still down but i am. It just sends me into this spiral where i want to overcompensate for how bad i feel but theres all this shit i cant let go. Im really grateful that people try, but im always gonna carry shitty memories and feelings about my birthday that i cant do anything about. My family was always in a hard spot, or going through tough times, or something came up, and i was always always the acceptable loss. Even after i put so much effort into their birthdays and told them how important it was. Its another reminder of how much i put into them and got nothing back. Now everyone is still in a hard spot, having tough times, ans shit is definitely coming up ans i have to sit in the knowledge of that acceptable loss again. I can remember 2 good birthdays in my life and i cherish those memories, and i want to be okay with just that. Everytime i try to accept it though, i think about how no one else is supposed to accept that. If anyone else only had 2 birthdays out of 24, they wouldnt have to be okay with it! I dont know why i should always have to settle and be okay with things! If anyone else only got 2 birthdays, that wouldnt be okay, it would be horrible! Its horrible! Years and years of forgetting, or not even trying, and just accepting nothing?? Thats horrible and i cant go back and fix it or make it up, im just going to keep trying to compensate for it my whole life and nothing will ever be enough to bring it back. I want to feel special and spoiled! I want lots of big expensive presents! I want something nice where i dont have to plan and do everything myself! I just dont wanna worry about anything! I know thats completely unreasonable and will never happen!!! I dont expect it those are just my petulant feelings!!

Pretending to be happy or surprised so that the people around me will feel better is just another chore i have to do for my birthday, and i dont look forward to it. I can remember maybe one or two times anyone had actually surprised me. Its just the nature of being very vigilant and paranoid, nothing gets passed me. Every other time i have to quietly anticipate how im going to act surprised to soothe the feelings or ego of whoever it is because after enough 'i actually knew the whole time and x gave it away' i just look like a dick. I always have to think about how the other person feels, but like, it sucks to never be able to enjoy a genuine surprise.

It just sucks to feel like ill never be able to enjoy my birthday. I understand that its a bummer and it isnt fun, but its a horrible devastating thing to know that ill never have that.

[dangoghz]

legitimate advice for new phandom blogs

hey !! so i know sometimes posts like ‘RULES FOR THE PHANDOM XD’ are made and they’re all like “numba one. dan is a squishy bean respect this uwu” but this isn’t gonna be like that lol. im just going to list a few actual things that might help people new to the phandom learn about and become integrated into the community! of course these aren’t ‘rules’ and u dont have to listen to any of it ofc,,, im not here to control ur blog, just here to say what people normally do. feel free to rb whether u are a new blog or not, ill appreciate it either way!

(NOTE: PLS TELL ME IF ANY OF THE LINKS DONT WORK AND ILL FIX THEM PERIODICALLY!)

italicized text is defined in the glossary at the bottom!

1. be interactive! 

here, unique to our corner of timmy darn communism, we have a lot of like virtual traditions that everyone knows. these help you to make friends and also grow ur blog with some new mutuals. here are some examples.

networks: networks, or nets, are a sort of selective gc, usually with a theme or concept that it’s based around, in which all who wish to be part of fill out an application form that determines whether they get in. this is kinda the one with the most work, as u also have to make a group blog and info post, but it’s definitely worth it. i have made my closest friends in nets (such as @phleurnet which i birthed), and a lot of people on here would say the same. if you want to know more or apply, my friend diana runs an update blog @phandomnets! (examples, these are all open btw: x x x)

meetups: meetups are not in real life, don’t worry. a meetup is when someone organizes a specific time at which we all post thing around a certain theme! for instance, on halloween on tuesday, my friend milo hosted a halloween meetup. usually people post selfies but if u are uncomfortable with that, u can post art, music, or anything else related to the theme. a blog called @phandommeetupwatch keeps track of these! (examples, all happening soon/just happened: x x x)

follow forevers: a follow forever is a big celebration post when u reach a follower count milestone, no matter 50 or 5k. u tag all of the blogs you love, and they reblog it to appreciate u! it’s really positive and shows people how their work has paid off. usually people are tagged in alphabetical order, and sometimes people bold their favorites but the stylization is up to u. (recent examples: x x x)

milestone activities: sometimes people do things for their followers when they reach a follower count that involves their followers requesting something! there are many many forms of this type of thing. a common one is blog rates, in which there is a set template and the blogger rates each blog that sends in an ask using the template (info post ex: x; rate ex: x). there are also url edits (x), name/url moodboards (x), and more. u can certainly come up w an idea of ur own, being creative is great!

talk to people: that’s right dude!!! ye!!! u can message a blog u think is cool, or send an ask if u think something they made or are talking about is interesting, or add something sweet in the tags (more on etiquette later) when u rb their post. additionally, sometimes people stir up discourse, and u should participate in it if u want (past discourse examples: x x). u can also send asks when people reblog ask games, which are a list of questions with a theme (new one of mine ex: x). 

2. play around with your blog!

customizing your blog can start giving you what we call a branding, making you distinguished from other bloggers. this can include everything from as simple as using an icon to coding your own about page. 

themes: a blog can be way more appealing if it is aesthetically pleasing. admittedly, i often follow people just because of the smoothness of their mobile theme. a mobile theme is rather easy to construct as u can do it on ur own with a phone. it is how ur blog looks on a phone. although u don’t have to do this, i recommend sticking to two to four colors on ur theme and avoiding stuffing it with a lot of bright things because it can distract from content. additionally, bloggers often make their descriptions short and succinct. (my fav mobiles: x x x.) on a pc, your blog theme can be customized completely on html, meaning there is a lot of freedom. u don’t have to learn to code for this, bc u can find free themes anywhere, just search ‘free tumblr themes’ on google. once again, be creative, but u shouldn’t overload. (my fav pcs: x x x.)

about pages: in order to avoid chunky descriptions but still let people know the key deets about themselves, bloggers create about pages. sometimes these bout pages are uncoded but u can also use html code if u want to. some common things in an about page are interests, maybe personality types/horoscopes/hogwarts houses, original content, and links to other social media. (examples: x x x)

urls: urls are a key part of your blog’s brand. ‘rebranding’ is what people say if they change their url! if u are tired or bored with your url, changing it is an opportunity to change your theme and other parts of ur blog as well. (url change ex: x). 

saved urls: saved urls are basically when bloggers hoard sideblogs in order to reserve the urls used for them. if you ever encounter a blank blog that has ‘saved’ as its title, that’s probably it. sometimes people like to give away their urls, either as a constant thing (ex: x) or by doing a url giveaway (x). either way, it’s a good opportunity to change it up!

tags: in order to keep their blog cleancut and organized, a lot of bloggers have special tags for certain people, certain topics, and/or certain types of media. many people in the phandom particularly have tags for dan and phil that match (strawberries and cream, lune and sole, etc). if they have many of these tags, there can be a page for their tags on their blog. this page can be coded with special html or just a regular tumblr page, it doesn’t really matter. but it’s very useful for those who visit your blog, and makes it easy for u to navigate older posts as well! (examples: x x x)

3. learn to make og content!

producing original content helps you establish what your strengths are and why people should follow you. it also allows u to contribute to the fanbase, and gives u a chance of being noticed by dnp! and the validation is lovely. there are many options if u want to make something. 

gifs: gifs are an ART here in the phandom, and its mechanisms still perplex me to this day bc ive never tried it. u probably already know what a gif is, but if not, its essentially a short animation made in photoshop that repeats. gifmakers are often distinguished by a unique coloring (example gifmakers: x x x), such as my friend emily’s smooth dark blue tint (x). it can be a long process to learn how to gif but it is very rewarding in the end, from what i’ve heard. (tutorials: x x)

art: there is a very wide range of phanartists, all with such talents, either digital or traditional, that you can draw inspirations from for your own work. you can make cartoons, comics, realism, abstract, nsfw even, or any mix (or none) of the former. artists on tumblr definitely deserve more attention than they get here on tumblr, so be sure to show appreciation towards them! (my fav artists: x x x)

edits: edits are the Graphic Designs of our community and are usually very aesthetically pleasing. they can be centered around a certain event, like a video or something dnp made, or just for fun. the more practice you get making them, the more dexterous u’ll become. they can be a great tool if u like the design aspect of art but don’t want to actually draw. (edit makers: x x)

icons: icons are just the little profile picture that u can insert for ur blog. it’s really easy and fun to make them, kind of like a lazy version of edits. you can make them using photoshop or an app like picsart or medibang, and it doesn’t take a lot of time. more on how to use icons in section 4. (examples: x x x) (my lil tutorial: x)

moodboards: moodboards are nine pictures arranged 3 by 3 that have a certain color scheme. it’s kind of like a collage except the photo feature here separates the pictures for u. there are a lot of innovative moodboard makers that stun me w how pretty it looks or how they arrange the pics. moodboards are also an easy and fun option! (moodboard tags: x x x)

textposts: this is by far the easiest and more common form of content u will find. it’s just writing about dnp in a textpost! if a textpost isn’t very serious, people also call it a meme or shitpost. shitposting is defs on the rise here so its a good business to get into. it’s also a great outlet for ur emotions or personal connections to what dnp do! (example talk tags: x x x)

fics: by far the most famous media to come out of here, phanfiction is a popular form of phan indulgence. u have probably heard of the most scarring ones (list: x), but there is actually a really vast range of it, not just creepy smut! some other genres are fluff, angst, and slow burns. u will discover that, despite the sterotype, not all fanfiction is bad. you can find lovely fics on @phanfictioncatalogue by genre, au, or topic. and, if u need help writing something, many writers would love to help. (a few well-known fics: x x x x x)

4. tumblr etiquette!

i know tumblr might seem like a simple social media (or perhaps not after u’ve read all the above?) but there’s a lot of things that u just....u just don’t do. it’s sort of like virtual manners, and if u don’t follow them, then it’s unlikely that people will like ur blog. once again, this is by no means me forcing u to run ur blog a certain way. it just happens that the types of ppl who break these rules are who we mock in gcs :////////. so yea, here’s some advice.

credits: if u decide to use someone’s art, edit, gif, or icon on the theme of ur blog, check what they require of u before u use it. most content creators strongly ask for credit in the description of ur blog, either by link or like ‘icon/header/art by ____’. it is just a common courtesy to the person who spent time on that, and if u think credit will ruin the aesthetic of ur blog, a) u probably don’t have an aesthetic in the first place and b) learn to appreciate art, binch. 

anonymity: anon asks can be very powerful either negatively or positively depending on how u yield them, so make sure that u are careful with what u send. compliments are always welcome and criticism as well, but blatant rudeness or hate will do nothing. u will only make someone feel bad about themselves and it will not accomplish anything. also, u face the threat of all their friends turning u into a meme. 

sensitivity: a lot of people here are way too easily offended by harmless jokes, a common example in the phandom being when we insult dnp affectionately and people take it way too much to heart. please don’t start drama over something w no real meaning. however, there are times when it is indeed necessary. if u want to criticise a blogger, be respectful of them simultaneously. by all means, if u spot someone being racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynist, or the like, feel free to call them out on it. but beforehand, make sure that u have done ur research and are educated on the topic, or u could turn out to be blatantly wrong. 

adding to posts: everyone makes this mistake when they start out here and that’s totally okay, but adding to every post u reblog is incredibly bothersome. a rule of thumb would be don’t add anything unless what u say will actually improve the post significantly. if ur additions are along the lines of ‘LOL’ or ‘i relate!!!!’ or ‘philly is a smol bean XD’, learn to use the tags for heaven’s sake. they’re there for not only organization but also for commenting. some exceptions, though, would be if u are mentioned in the post or the op is your close friend. 

respecting privacy: this should already be obvious to u, but respect dan and phil’s boundaries. do not tag them or their main tags (#daniel howell, #danisnotonfire, #amazingphil), in any phanfics, phanart (like specifically with them as a romantic ship), or phan edits. do not talk to their family members, expose their personal info like address or phone number, and do consider that they are real people just like u. we may make things based around phan, but it is kept in a community for us and not for dan and phil’s eyes. this is very important.

5. have fun!

sorry if this is all overwhelming, but i tried to make it as simplified as possible. and also sorry for the sass, i’m kinda tired of all the ding dongs on here and want to prevent further ding dongs from being created. thanks so much for readin and be sure to send me an ask anytime if u have questions! welcome to hell!

glossary

timmy darn communism: me being my usual weird self and replacing ‘tumblr dot com’ with random words that start with the same letters

mutuals: someone who you follow and who follows you; usually who u interact with most

rb: shortening for ‘reblog’

discourse: when theres is intense discussion of a certain topic, sometimes phan-related sometimes not, sometimes serious and sometimes silly

branding: the word ‘branding’ kinda started as a joke, but it’s generally what we use to call what someone’s blog reminds them of, whether it be a certain color or a discussion topic; my branding, if u asked a mutual, would probably be impressionism, tea, and baguettes (dont ask ab that one)

html: a simple type of coding used for designing websites! u can learn basic html here or here, it’s way easier and funner than it looks

dnp: dan and phil; we also say ‘deppy’, ‘dip and pip’, ‘the boys’, ‘the rats’, and more

coloring: basically the stylization of a gif, shown through filters, textures, contrast, brightness, etc. 

talk tag: a tag in which all of the textposts that a person makes are sorted into

phanfiction terms

smut: porn fic :/ 

fluff: just what it sounds like, a type of fic that usually has a lot of soft stuff like cuddling, flirting, and looooove

angst: a fic with a lot of drama, usually sad or very emotional

slow burn: a fic where a pairing, in this case phan, slowly falls in love

au: stands for ‘alternate universe’, a fic in which dan and phil are written not as youtubers but in a completely different scenario (ie. bad boy and new guy in high school, university students, space exhibition, anything u can dream up really)

anon: short for ‘anonymous’

op: short for ‘original poster’, aka who made the post