#im on edge now of where this is going
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infiniteseriesofhalfways · 26 days ago
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photos taken moments before disaster
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starry-bi-sky · 1 month ago
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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thefishdeath · 7 months ago
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Just. finished fallout. normal.
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hella1975 · 9 months ago
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born to write fanfiction forced to go to pilates
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umblrspectrum · 1 year ago
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mspaint is so fun when i've got no fucking idea what im doing
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quailsprout · 4 days ago
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just when i thought jayce couldn't get any more peak he instantly and wholly surrenders to viktor on the rooftop when he realizes he is in the very spot where he is destined to fail. and then mind meld psychosex partners "in every timeline" happens. love wins YIPPEE
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innalheid · 2 months ago
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Feeling very Ascension by Gorillaz ft Vince Staples at 2:18
#i need to solve a puzzle or some shit. god. fuck.#i cant concentrate on anything i cant fall asleep i cant stay asleep i cant stay awake i cant wake up on time#i hate depression 😒 and all the other things wrong with me yknow#i need to do something like. good for me. but its so damn hard to drag myself into doing that too#brain. stop being so foggy. please.#im even like. im eating im drinking water. i could probably like do some sort of exercise but everything makes me so tired.....#like even a walk yknow? i do my shift at work and im at 3% battery. i dont. i dont know what to do man#and i dont even wanna die about it???? im actively NOT suicidal for once#like are you kidding me??? ive been suicidal for like over a decade and for once#my brain is still popping up like have you considered killing yourself? 🤔 but im Genuinely not swayed by it at all#which is weird. and probably good. but now i just feel like. numb#stuck. stagnant. foggy. can we PLEASE cut through this fog and have some meaningful brain functions for a little bit. brain. cmon#i dont wanna die but i *do* wanna sleep for like. three days#i want a week off where i have NOTHIN to do#genuinely nothing to do. chores are done work is on pause i need nothing creeping in at the edges thinkin bout#ohhhhh you should be doing this instead..........youre wasting your time........do a task.....#but i cant i cant do a task. i cant. and its so frustrating and i feel bad about it#id feel much worse about it if my BRAIN wasnt as foggy as fucking SAN FRANCISCO#and i keep trying like. healthy ways of ''feeling something'' like hobbies i like or yummy food#nothin. does fuckin nothin. i get off and it gives me a Little bit of clarity Maybe. like#no wonder bad coping mechanisms happen yknow??? its an absolute fucking miracle i havent taken up smoking#anyway. i need to go to bed. tomorrows gonna be a long day. if you feel so inclined send me mental love or something. im fuckin tired folks.
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xannerz · 6 months ago
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glow
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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months ago
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carcarrot · 3 months ago
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achieving great things (daily walk, lasagna) in the face of obstacles (on and off rain, fucked up noodles) today
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bonestrouslingbones · 2 months ago
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chat what do we think.......................
patch notes + side-by-side with the old version:
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fixed proportions to be less fucked up and also give him bigass hands. i honestly didnt even realize the original had fucked up proportions until i put them side by side and had to shrink it or else the head looked Enormous
used a couple values from that one color test i did a bit ago & winged the rest. did all of this with a screen filter on so if it looks like ass it's not my fault
made all of his clothes more obviously baggy, his jacket specifically was inspired by something i saw while looking for more sims mods like a week ago that i guess i imprinted in my brain
made the jeans have a more defined & tapered shape & replaced the rips with patches because that's less stupid
changed the ugly ass boots to doc martins because He Would
untucked his shirt because He Wouldn't (also made the shirt wrinkles look more like it's clinging to his ribs to make him look thinner, no damn clue if it actually worked it is 2am)
fuckin forgot about the spike bracelets which makes sense because they wouldn't work with the baggier jacket at all BUT i am very very sad to see them go to be completely honest
made his gloves lower contrast bc while i love the lil broken heart detail it ain't that important lmao
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beanswithbones · 5 months ago
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#vent#putting this here on main where less ppl involved will see bcs i just don't want that attention#(dots to hidr if ppl don't want to see this)#...........................................................................................................................................#.............................#..............#just stop. please im begging everyone to just stop. im begging everyone to just stop.#i get im not at all part if the people that ate effected by this im not at all but god please this is such a big game of#bad telephone and lack of one on one communication that didn't need to be made public#please i dont want to be unfollowing so many people please#are we going to enter an era of be careful whos posts you like or reblog bcs its part of 'the erong side'?#its selfish of me i know its so fucking selfish of me to be begging for this to stop but please#please the person has made an apology. the frustrations of everyone has been made and heard#im just begging everyone please just please don't make this something thats going to haunt this#fandom and community for weeks or months or forever#please goddamit please i enjoy so many people that have been just a part of this or been rebloging things about this and#i get it i get that this is upsetting that shit didn't go how anyone wanted but please i dont want go unfollow some of you#why is everything going to shit#why is everything falling apart#its so selfish of me to be this upset about this. its so messy on both sides everything about thos is so messy but god damnit why WHY#are we making this something so big#its selfish of me to say but please god please i come here to escape. i come here to have fun. im in these discords to have fun.#i have so much fun here and now everyone is just angry#i just wanted to reblog some cute art that came on my dash. i just wanted to eish someone well after seeing they needed space#i don't want to be so on edge about who i “should and shouldn't” interact with#everything went to shit for me. yhen it got better. then back to shit. and finally it was getting better and now its all went to shit again#but this time its everyone everywhere and in escapable#the only awnser is to just log on. disappear for s while. but god i just vame bsck i JUST came back and god i just want yhis all to stop.
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bylertruther · 1 year ago
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um. so don't get scared because i'm home now and everything is fine and i took some benadryl okay it's fine but. i had some cheese earlier right and i felt a little warm afterward but i was like whatever this is gatorville literally a swamp ofc i'm feeling warm. and i started getting red but i was like whatever i have blood in my body ofc im going to get red esp if it's hot. but then my throat started feeling a little weird right perhaps a little um Not Open and i was getting a little itchy and i'm definitely Not going to die ok it's fine i think the cheese jus had um. more milk than i thought dfbjkd so it's fine :D but if anyone wants to be written into my will and perhaps inherit my blog, this is indeed the time to say so i think aha. ... . 😳👉👈
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depresseddepot · 1 month ago
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going to be absolutely haunted by every heart a doorway by seanan mcguire for the rest of my life i think
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kingdomoftyto · 1 month ago
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Finished season 1, and may I just say, with my whole heart,
Fuck Yeah❗❗❗
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sakebytheriver · 1 year ago
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