#im older than him and haven’t killed a single person yet | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ray-ray-writings · 4 years ago

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UMM THIS

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMe24dvmM/

Im sorry I know you are packed and busy but can I make a request based on that video?? BECAUSE HOT DAM JUST WILBUR ENTERING LIKE

‘WHAT IS THIS I HEARD ABOUT HURTING Y/N AND TOMMY ‘

LOOK AT THAT VIDEO LOOK AT IT AND TELL ME YOU ARENT SIMPING TO THAT MAN

I simply cannot tell you that because it would be untrue because I am SIMPING so hard…. Also this was way longer and had a lot more plot than I originally planned so…. There’s that lol. Hope you enjoy. (P.S. Because it’s so long, this is going to be the only post tonight, my brain is a bit fried rn lol. Have a great night everyone!)

Warnings: Mentions of very quickly losing a lot of weight, it’s brief but it’s there. As well as, manipulation from Dream. At one point the reader is like “wow it’s been three days since you hit me… Thanks Dream!” And a few swear words here and there.

Before Wilbur died, you and Wilbur were married. It absolutely broke your heart to watch the love of your life lose his mind (and then his life) for the nation that you and he created to raise and protect your boys in. But you stood by his side until the very end. You held his hand as he died and clutched his body with Phil once it was over. Ghostbur gave you somewhat of a shock. Because you’re husband was back, and he remembered you. He was the man you had married. The person he was before the presidency, before the war, before L’Manberg… You’re Wilbur was back. But you were still sad. You couldn’t hug him or kiss him like you were able to and although he seemed to be right in front of you, it felt like he couldn’t be farther away. Ghostbur can see this and decides that if he can, he really wants to try to come back to life. He tells his father and older brother about this and so they begin planning and researching. In doing this, they kind of accidentally turn a blind eye to what is happening to you and Tommy.

While those three are figuring out how to bring Wilbur back from the dead, you and Tommy are being harassed by Dream. Something else you lost when you lost Wilbur was protection from Dream. For some reason, Dream was always afraid of Wilbur. Perhaps it was his ability to always stand up for what he wanted and fight for the things he loves… Or perhaps it was because he was Techno’s brother. Doesn’t matter. Point is when you lost Wilbur you lost the protection from Dream. Dream threatens you and Tommy, trying to provoke Tommy and trick him into doing stuff so that Dream could get him in trouble and one day it finally works. Dream tells Tommy where George’s vacation house is because he knows that Tommy cannot resist checking a place out and looking through other people’s stuff. So Tommy drags Ranboo over there and while they’re there they accidentally knock over a lantern and burn some of the house and some of the chests. On the other side of the server, Dream is in your home, poking fun at you for losing your husband and telling you that it was partially your fault and just stuff like that. You didn’t react. You never could when talking to Dream. But his words stung and slashed deep, and he knew it. Finally after a while of this, Tommy comes bursting through your front door, out of breath and seemingly panicked. “What’s the matter?” You ask softly, leaving your kitchen and going to comfort your boy. Tommy is about to spill everything but when he looks up he sees Dream and immediately swallows his words. “We were playing tag… That’s all… Tag” he says. You absolutely do not believe him but you catch his gaze and know that whatever he’s done he cannot say it in front of Dream. So you decide you’ll just have to wait…. You don’t have to wait long.

“You burnt down George’s vacation home?” Dream’s deadly tone sounds from the kitchen. Your eyes widen and scan Tommy’s face and the look that overtakes him, you know it’s true. “I did not burn it down… I knocked over a lantern and a small fire broke out… I tried to repair everything, it’s fine.” Tommy insists. But Dream seems too pissed to listen to reason. “Come with me” he hisses, marching forward and snatching Tommy’s wrist tightly and marching out of the house. A small whimper left Tommy’s lips as he was pulled causing you to fly into a rage. “Let go of him!” you demand, chasing after them. Dream doesn’t listen and so you reach out and shove his shoulder causing him to stumble, let go of Tommy’s wrist and whip around to face you too. A chilling smile rests on his face, “Oh you just messed up big time.” Before you can react, he reaches out, grabs your wrist, grabs Tommy’s again and continues on down the Prime Path. You’d try to fight it but the grip on your wrist was just too strong. Dream pulls you to Tubbo and immediately jumps on the boy. He explains what happened as well as says that you assaulted him and that he wants you two exiled from L’Manberg or there will be hell to pay. Dream tells Tubbo he will start a war and will kill everyone and everything if his orders are not followed. You can tell Tubbo really doesn’t want to, but it’s something he has to do. Tubbo lets out a small sigh and nod, “Okay Dream. You win.” He murmurs, not looking at Tommy’s betrayed face. “Excellent choice, Mr. President,” the man spits out. “Tubbo” Tommy utters broken heartedly, staring at his best friend, silently begging him to say sike… It never comes. “Dream please escort Tommy and Y/N out of my country.” “With pleasure” You wrist is seized again and you’re being dragged away from your home.

After you three get out of the SMP, Dream lets go of your wrists and lets you walk for yourself. You approach Tommy and wrap a comforting arm around him. “It’s going to be okay Tommy. Everything is going to be okay.” You comfort the young boy who sighs and nods, “I just can’t believe that he would throw me under the bus like that,” Tommy murmurs. “I know kiddo. I know.” You follow Dream for a very long time until he is satisfied that you are far enough away from the rest of the SMP. “Okay, we stop here… Put your stuff in this hole,” Dream commands, digging a small hole for the two of you to throw your stuff in. You let out a scoff and roll your eyes, “No way. You’ve already forced us into exile. There’s no way we’re giving you our stuff.” Dream’s face flushed a bright red before he lurched forward and grabbed you. Putting in a headlock to where you’re back was pressed against his chest, his arm around your throat while he has a crossbow to your head. “I’ve had enough of you fucking attitude Y/N. You have no power here. I do. I’m in charge and when I say to do something, you do it. If I ask you to jump, the only thing you may ask after that is “How high?” Do you understand?” You don’t speak, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of obedience. But then the tip of the arrow digs into the side of your head causing you to let out a small pained whimper, “I said, do you understand?” he demands again. “Yes” you finally whimper out. He moves the crossbow away from your skull and lets you go and shoves you forward, stumbling into Tommy who catches you and stabilizes you. “Put your stuff in the hole… Now” he growls, not in the mood for any more ‘games’. You and Tommy share a look and then a sigh and slowly put your things in the hole like he demanded. And you could only watch as he placed TNT above it and blew up everything. All of your items that you had worked hard for… Gone in a moment. Dream leaves with a cackle. You and Tommy are just there. Shocked. Finally, after a few moments, you’re able to shake yourself out of it. “Okay… Let’s get started, there’s no time to waste.” Tommy just looks at you and then he sighs and nods. “Let’s do it then.” The two of you spend the rest of the day gathering materials and building yourself a little shelter. You were all alone… At least you were all alone with your brother.

As we all know, Dream comes back almost every day. He comes back, blows up your stuff and leaves. The first time he came back you tried to stop him… It didn’t go well. “Dream, please he just-“ He cut off your words with a harsh slap across the face. It sends you flying and leaves your head spinning. “Haven’t you learned yet? Stuff. Hole. Now.” And you have no choice but to obey. You watch with a broken heart as Tommy slowly begins to actually trust Dream and believe him when he says that no one misses him. You do your best to be there for him and convince him that it’s not true but as days go by and no one, not even your Ghostbur, you can’t help but slowly believe that they’ve forgotten about you two. As time goes on, it seems that you and Tommy fade. You lose a lot of weight. Your food source is scarce and you have to do a lot of work because you’re restarting every. single. day. You get hurt a lot easier and it takes a lot more time to recover. Every once in a while, Dream will physically hurt you. Whether it a slap or a small sword slash, he does it just to make sure you still remember who’s in charge. You just learn to take it and deal with it. It hurts, but at least it’s you and not Tommy. Ranboo visits you once and is horrified at what he sees. He’s worried about you, but knows he can do basically nothing to help you. He makes a mental note to tell someone about it back in the SMP…. And even though he has memory problems, this is one thing he cannot forget.

On the other side of the SMP, Philza, Techno, and Ghostbur have done it. They’ve cracked it. They have figured out how to bring Ghostbur back to life and to bring back Wilbur. The three make the plan and tell no one, especially not you. (Yeah…. They don’t even realize that you and Tommy aren’t around rn lol) They want to make sure this works before they tell anyone. So they do all the prep and the work and then they perform the ritual. They perform it in a cave somewhere just a little bit away from Techno’s house so that absolutely no one would know where they are or what they were doing. They begin just as nightfalls. Carefully completely each step and making sure they’re doing everything just right, knowing if they fuck up one small thing it’s over and they won’t be able to get Wilbur back. The three complete the final step and wait…. Nothing happens. “Fuck!” Techno curses, his eyes falling to the book, “We did everything right! It should have worked!” “Techno calm down, we’re all upset but at least we-” Philza doesn’t get to finish. All of the sudden a bright light floods the room. The light? It’s coming from Ghostbur. “Uhh guys?” the ghost questions in fear as he is levitated off the ground. Philza and Techno cannot look at him for fear of going blind. Ghostbur is unsure of what is happening but then the shredding pain fills his body. A scream rips from his throat as his whole form begins to physicalize. The skin begins to become real as the bones, blood, organs, and all other internal body parts forms. All memories that Ghostbur had forgotten flood Wilbur’s mind as his whole life flashes before his eyes, reminding him of everything. It only lasts a few moments more before the light fades and Wilbur is dropped from the air. His body hits the ground with an extremely harsh thump. He feels the impact and lets out a groan. His whole body is sore… But he’s there. He’s real and most importantly he’s alive. “Wilbur?” Philza asks hesitantly. Wilbur lets out another groan. The two standing men share a look before rushing to his side. They kneel beside him and gently reach out. Don’t tell anyone but tears threaten to fall from both men’s eyes, Philza and Techno’s, as their hands actually are able to touch Wilbur and they don’t go through him as if he were a ghost. They gently help him from his side to laying on his back. At the movement, Wilbur opens his eyes and is met with the tear laced ones of two of his family members. “Hey guys” he manages to croak out, “how’s it going” “Wilbur” Philza breaks, a tear streaming down his cheek before he lurches forward and wraps the boy into a warm hug. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” the older man sobs to his son. “Shhhh,” Wilbur calms his father, “It’s okay Dadza. I wanted it. You did what you had to do. It’s okay.” To the two’s surprise’s Techno’s buff arms wrap around the two and join in the hug. “It’s uhhh… it’s good to see you Wilbur” Techno grumbles, not really liking the emotion that had built up in his chest. Wilbur let out a soft laugh, “Good to see you too Tech.”

The sweet moment is broken by someone calling Techno’s name a little ways away from the cave. At first, they elect to ignore it, but then the voice calls again, this time for Philza and they can tell now that whoever it is, is panicking. So the two help Wilbur up and gently help him out of the cave. They look out over the snow and find Ranboo there, standing on Techno’s front porch. “Ranboo!” Techno calls out causing the tall boy to turn around and then run at them. “Techno! Phil!.... Is that Wilbur? Like actual real Wilbur? He’s alive?” Ranboo asks, his tone still slightly panicked. “Yes Ranboo… It’s a long story but to sum it up we managed to bring Wilbur back to life… Now why are you here and why are you panicked.” Ranboo’s eyes shift back to Wilbur and gulps, “I knew you weren’t going to like this… But now you’re really not going to like this… Dream is hurting Y/N and Tommy…” All three, especially Wilbur, snap to attention at that. “What?” Wilbur asks harshly. Ranboo gulps and nods before diving into his story. He tells them about your exile and how Dream has been treating you two, blowing up your stuff and even physically harming Y/N. He tells them that Dream has the two convinced that nobody cares about them anymore. The three go stiff at that. Have they all been so focused they really missed all of this? Well time to go right some wrongs. It is almost as if all ache and tiredness left Wilbur’s body at the thought of his spouse being hurt, especially at the hands of Dream. He straightens up and takes a few steps toward Ranboo, “Take them to us” he speaks, his tone pretty damn dark. Ranboo nods and quickly turns around and leads the three men back to the exile spot.

Back in exile, you and Tommy built a house… Logsted! It wasn’t exactly your taste, but it made Tommy happy so you lived in it together. You had woken up, actually feeling kind of good. The bruises and nicks on your face had slowly begun to heal and Dream hadn’t hit you in the past three days. You had a nice dinner last night, you and Tommy had found some chickens and made a small chicken farm a little ways away from the house so that way Dream couldn’t easily find it, but point is you had chicken for dinner… that’s what I was getting at… I’ll move on. So long story short, you were feeling good. The sun had risen and so Tommy and you were just kind of waiting for Dream to show up so you could get the daily blowing up over with. And like clockwork, he shows up, but for some reason he’s angry. For the past couple days he’d actually be pleasant to be around, greeting you asking you how you’ve been. But today was different. He slammed the door open and begins digging a hole in the middle of Logstedshire… That’s really weird. He was going to blow up the stuff inside the house? No way. But he points to the hole and you know he wants you to dump your items in. You move to the hole but don’t throw your stuff in, “Inside the house? Can we please go outside, I don’t want to ruin our hard work” wrong thing to say. A growl escapes Dream’s lips as he reaches forward and slaps you hard across the face, harder than he’s ever slapped you. It is enough to make you dizzy, but you don’t even have time to recover because his hand is in your hair, yanking it back forcing you to look at him. “You stupid bitch. You would think that after all this time, you would have learned by now… I mean you were doing so so well. But it just seems that you never learn your lesson… Guess I’ll have to teach you yet again.” And he pulls out his sword and points it at your stomach, ready to slice you again. Just as he’s about to harm you, the door swings open again and someone stumbles in. They lean against the doorframe with their hand grabbing the top of the frame. You can hear Tommy let out a gasp and you watch Dream’s eyes widen in fear. “So Dream,” an all too familiar voice calls, “What’s this about hurting Y/N and Tommy now?” And then you’re let go by Dream. You crash to the ground, fall flat on your ass, but you manage to scramble to a stand as you stare at the door frame in complete... Shock? Amazement? Fear? You can’t tell. You’re husband, Wilbur, is standing there in the flesh. Literally in the flesh. He’s alive again and you cannot believe it. “Wilbur” Dream stutters out, “You’re alive? How-” “That doesn’t matter, Dream. What matters is the fact that you’ve been hurting Y/N and Tommy… We can’t have that. So now what is going to happen is I’m going to take my family back to L’Manberg and you are never going to hurt them again,” Wilbur announces, moving ever so slightly further into the room. Seeming to have recovered just a bit from shock, Dream actually retorts, “Or what?”. Two more people enter the house and it causes Dream to blanch even further. “I think you know what… now run along.” Not wanting to risk it, Dream takes off running.

Once you’re sure he’s gone, you allow yourself to speak. “Wilbur?” You whisper out, still not sure if this is real or if you’re dreaming. Wilbur’s attention shifts to you and he completely soften. “Hello,” he greets with a soft smile on his face, taking a few steps toward you, “Have you missed me?” Deciding you don’t care if he’s real or not, you rush forward and throw yourself into his arms. You, like Philza and Techno, almost cry at the feeling of your body’s connecting. He’s here. He’s real. And he’s alive. His arms wrap around you and hold you to him so tightly, you almost can’t breathe. But you don’t care. You’re hugging your husband. You’re actually hugging your husband. “I missed you so much, Wilby. I mean we had Ghostbur but it wasn’t the same. I missed you,” you mumble into his shoulders, the tears slowly falling out of your eyes. His hand comes up and slowly pets your head, in silent comfort and reassurance.

After a few minutes you pull away slightly, “How are you-” You’re cut off by his lips pressing against your and you cannot help but melt. It has been months since his passing and this was just the absolute best feeling in the world. You kiss back with so much passion it makes your head spin, this time in a good way. It’s also probably the only time ever his brother’s didn’t fake vomit at the sight of you kissing. You only pull back to catch a breath, but right as you breathe in, Wilbur’s lips are back on yours. The process repeats a few times, before you manage to breathe out a “Will,” causing him to pull back, but leaving his forehead resting on yours and his lips just hovering above yours. “Yes my love,” he mumbles to you. “Can we go home please” you ask, not wanting to be here at Logstedshire any longer. He gives you a warn grin, leaning the inch forward and kissing you once more before giving his answer. “Of course my love. Let’s get out of here.”

#mcyt #mcyt imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt drabble #wilbur soot #wilbur soot imagine #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot drabble #philza #technoblade #tommyinnit #ranboo #dream #tubbo #ray responds #our beloved alex8o

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aphrodite-would-be-proud · 4 years ago

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abt the historia and zeke are technically related, it got me thinking. We get a lot of yeager bros content and im sure there’s content of frieda being hostoria’s older sister but... where’s the content of zeke being a protective big bro to historia? Feel like they can bond well since they both got dick dads

historia taking the first few steps to breaking away from the nice, submissive type everyone knows her to be. she’s not perfect and there would be times that she’d doubt herself and go back to being insecure and playing herself down. in comes zeke who met her through his mother’s side of the family and is all for that personal growth. he relates to her wanting to stick it to her father, having gone through something like that in the past. he says stuff like, “like hell they can get away talking to you like that, tell me who they are and ill give them a piece of my mind.” and “your dad can go fuck himself, you can stay with me and mom if you need somehwere to stay. mom doesnt like rod either so you’re more than welcome.”

idk idk hahah :p

...i hope you don't mind me just wirting some headcannons and scenrios real quick, because wow anon you just opened my third eye for all this potential.

Historia and Zeke family bonding modern au below cut

They probably met for the first time at large family gathering when Dina took teen Zeke to meet his relatives and one of his uncles mentioned that his daughter from his ex-wife just started living with him after moving from the country side.

He was 17 at the time, and so while the adults were busy with each other as the topic of his mother's divorce came up again, he felt too uncomfortable to stay in the room so he just excused himself to the bathroom.

Only to sneak outside the house instead, knowing all the rooms in his uncle's big mansion were probably filled with maids or other relatives and he didn't want to risk getting caught.

The back garden was beautiful, the grass overgrown and not as bright as the front yard fake lawn, it was clearly an overlooked part of the house that the gardener seemed to forget from dried crunchy leaves collecting at the bottom of the old tree.

Zeke took a breath of fresh air, before reaching into the hidden pocket of his jacket and pulling a cigarette.

He knew if his mother found out she'd kill him, not to mention his concerned grandparents, but what they don't know can't harm them.

Getting out his lighter, he was too focused on covering the flame so the wind won't snuff it out before lighting the cigarette

"You shouldn't do that, it's not good for you." Came a high pitched voice that took him off guard, almost making him drop the lighter and cause a fire hazard.

Looking in front of him, a seven year old girl stood with messy blonde hair with some leaves stuck to it, she was clutching a patch of dandelions and weeds pulled from the ground.

Putting the lighter back in his pocket, Zeke took a deep breath before slowly letting the smoke out, pushing what she said aside, he said "And what exactly are you doing with those?"

She gave a big toothy smile before explaining how she's cleaning the garden, she said "they keep stealing the other plants' food, most plants here are dead and i wanted to help."

Zeke stepped closer before leaning down to be on eye level with her, judging by the dirt staining her white dress and between her fingernails, she must have been doing this for a while. He chuckled at the way she crunched her nose at the smell of smoke, before attempting to mask her features.

Wanting to mess with her, he held the cigarette with two fingers before offering it to her, "wanna try? i won't tell your parents, pinky promise."

Audibly gasping, she clutched the dandelions to her chest protectively before stumbling to politely reject it in a way that was clearly meant not to offend him, her eyes glancing at the garden fence door like she's considering running.

Deciding to end the joke before she would yell stranger danger, Zeke put out the cigarette with an amused smile before offering his empty hand to her.

"I'm sorry for the awful joke, please don't tell my mom, will you forgive me? Pretty please?" Putting on his best pout, Zeke almost couldn't hold back chuckling when the kid in front of him seemed actually moved by his act.

She reluctantly took his hand, tangling their pinkies together before nodding, with the most serious expression she said "okay...i won't, but you have to stop okay! My dad does it and he coughs a lot."

"Your dad huh..." Zeke stared into her eyes, "so you must be Historia."

"Mhm! Do you know my dad? He said some people will be visiting today and i should stay somewhere they can't see..."

"Hmm, well Historia " standing up, Zeke pushed his glasses back, "I'm Zeke, what do you say we become friends?"

Looking up at the tall boy with stars in her eyes, Historia enthusiastically noded, too happy to dwell on the fact that her first ever friend had offered her a smoke some minutes ago.

"That's the spirit, now" taking off his jacket, Zeke folded it before putting it aside on the fence, "what do you say we finish pulling these weeds so i can teach you a really fun game called catch."

That day, Zeke dragged dirt and mud into his mother's new car with his now ruined suit, Dina was too busy scolding him that she forgot the fact he never came back from the bathroom after leaving the room.

And after that, each year at Christmas and family gatherings, Zeke and Historia would see each other for a single day.

He slowly saw her confidence grow more and more, each time she held her head a little higher, smile more genuine than the fake polite one.

At age 15, She told him about her first girlfriend, he bought her alcohol with His ID and of course she was quick to refuse it and scold him, Zeke started worrying she's starting to resemble his mother more and more.

At 16, when her father found out and threatened to kick her out, Zeke was the person she first called even before Ymir, not wanting to worry her.

To his surprise was the fact she didn't shed a single tear as she packed her bags before getting in his car, not giving a single glance to her father staring with a horrified expression from the front gate.

No, she smiled instead as both of them went to grab some food.

He asked if she knows where she's staying, she said she knows some friends but still haven't asked anyone yet.

After arriving at his grandparents house, Dina was the first to pull her into a hug before saying how sorry she is and how she just ended a call with Riess after giving him a piece of his mind.

Zeke, knowing very well how his mother is like when she's angry, he smiled knowing the guy now definitely has a headache from all the yelling, his mother has great lungs after all.

Zeke was almost 26 at the time, and so he offered her his old room while he's away in college.

They definitely grew closer after that, although Zeke never mentioned a word to his friends neither did Historia tell anyone beside Ymir.

They just never mentioned their personal life while hanging out on the days Zeke came to visit from college.

His grandparents adored her and treated her like their granddaughter after his mother moved to another country, they even met Ymir a couple times.

Zeke never talked with Ymir but he met her on the times Historia brought her over at christmas, his grandparents were quick to praise her for landing such a beautiful girlfriend before side eyeing Zeke and asking if he will ever give bring someone home.

Zeke was there for her to see her actual sad side that she hid from everyone, both of them bonded over the burden they hold on their shoulders for having to be the "perfect reliable" person all the time.

She rarely cried, but whenever she did it was either with Zeke or Ymir.

While Zeke would vent to her about Grisha and how much the fear of turning like him is what prevents him from being in a commited relationship, while Historia listens to him before sharing her own experience with both her dad and mother and how both of them just abandoned her.

After that they just go out to get ice cream.

Fun fact, Historia can handle spicey food and like it's nothing, meanwhile Zeke will choke if he even smelled peppers.

At age 20, Historia moved with Ymir in an apartment after high school and Zeke moved back home to a house near his grandparents after finishing college and opening his own clinc.

She still sends them cards each Christmas and even visits at times, Zeke picks up each time she calls no matter what he's currently doing.

#talking🕯#Zeke🕯#Historia🕯#not a ship #they're more liking sibblings

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hu4ngs · 5 years ago

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royalty au for jaehyun??

omg YASSSSSSSSSSS i love jaehyun so much p l e a s e

ok so royalty au huh

okay lets see

so this kinda ended up like a strangers to lovers au because im cliche like that

so jaehyun is quite a famous crown prince

he’s known very well for his peaceful ways of finding solutions to problems other than war

not too mention he’s a strong prince too

and on top of all of that he’s very kind

he’s literally a whole package i would marry him no cap

n e ways

a lot of kingdoms wishes to marry their child to him

jaehyun, too, wishes to be in love and marry too

but he never gets the chance

because most noble families just doesn’t catch his eye

the king and queen respects his decision

because he can even be a single king if he wants too. no pressure at all for mr princey here

jaehyun also believes in soulmates

so, he thinks when the time is right, he will cross paths with his soulmate

and when the time comes, only then will he marry

so anyways

one day, on a particular afternoon, the kingdom of jung was greeted by a sudden visit by your kingdom — by you

you visited along with your parents with the purpose of proposing

you were the firstborn of your kingdom

you had always dreamt of marrying someone handsome and charming — much like jaehyun — if only you weren’t so shy

plus, your kingdom had a rule that the ruler must be of a married couple

and your father wants to step down soon, which mean the pressure is on for you

so here you are, you’ve travelled far just to propose

this isn’t how you wanted it to happen

you always imagined it’s the prince that will propose, not you

and yet here you are

so now you’re standing in front of jaehyun’s parents, and jaehyun himself, with your handmaiden next to you along with your offerings to him

but there was silence

your mind actually went blank you don’t know what to do

“your highness” your handmaiden whispered

“huh?”

“say your lines…”

“OH!”

you cleared your throat

you’re so nervous omg you’ve never done this before

“your royal highness, prince jaehyun, i- uh- i stand before you with offerings!”

you were stuttering, your face was red, you’re sweating, you’re all over the place

and jaehyun watched you with amusement

he’s been proposed before, but he’s never seen a proposal as clumsy as this

you rambled on with whatever you had to say, jaehyun wasn’t sure what you were saying either, but you were fun to watch

after you were done, there was silence

your handmaiden was having a secondhand embarrassment

after that long, awful pause that was killing your insides slowly, jaehyun giggled

he shocked his parents, you, and basically everyone that was in the same room

“is this supposed to happen? why is he laughing?”

“i don’t know, your highness”

“did i fail?”

“i’m not sure, your highness”

you glanced at jaehyun, who had a small smile to his face as he stared at you, “you’re funny, princess.”

that was all that he said, before he retreated

and that was it for that day

you were excused

but since you live far away, you were allowed to stay in the kingdom for a few extra days.

that night, you told your mother exactly what happened

and she laughed too

she assured you that you can try again the following day

but you’re not even sure if you want to try again

what’s the use anyways? he had laughed at you

it felt like he spat on your face

you went to bed with that heavy feeling in your heart; failure

the next day you woke up a little later than usual

so there was no one at breakfast except for you

as you were half eating, half admiring the interior design of the palace

you didn’t notice jaehyun had joined in too

he sat at the other end of the table, afraid that if he sat anywhere closer, it would bother you

when you noticed him, your face turned as red as your morning dress

“y-your highness! good morn- uh- hello- um hi?”

he laughed again

his laugh sounded so sweet, though, you kinda felt honoured he thinks you’re an idiot

“you’re very amusing, my dear,” he told you

the nickname shouldn’t have bothered you as much as it did

he was far from you, but you still couldn’t stand looking at him

you’re embarrassed, nervous, anxious, everything

“you woke up late?” he asked

you’re kinda surprised he’s actually bothered to talk to you honestly

you nodded

“you, too?” you asked, you’re glad the funny tone has left you, and you’re not as nervous as you were seconds ago

he shook his head, “no, i just had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction”

you nodded awkwardly, not knowing what to say

“you don’t propose often, do you?” he suddenly asked

you thought you were over with being embarrassed, but now that he mentioned the event from before again…

you slowly shook your head

“that was my first time” you mumbled, loud enough for jaehyun to hear, though

jaehyun was impressed

“you’re cute, you know that?”

the alarms in your head were going off like crazy

your eyes widened

did he just call me cute

am i cute to him

so did i manage to woo him like what my mum told me to?

after noticing how silent you are

jaehyun decided to leave

he understands you’re probably super flustered anyways

and he kinda feels bad for complimenting you like that

clearly you’re not in the right headspace to accept straightforward compliments like that

later on the same day, you decided to wander off on your own

you didn’t have anything better to do anyways

as you wander off, you came across a music room

you love music

you’re especially skilled in playing a particular chinese instrument, guzheng

you doubted there was one in this music room, though

but to your luck

there was one!!

but it looked a little older compared to the other instruments

not forgetting to be cautious, you look around to see if anyone was nearby

its not that you’re prohibited to play an instrument in the music room or something, you just didn’t want people to watch you because you’ll get nervous

when you’re sure no one’s around you started playing the instrument

you were playing a song that you haven’t practice as much for, thus you were making a few mistakes here and there

but it’s okay, no one’s around anyways

after you were done, you sat there, kinda proud

like, you did that!!

without any musical sheet too

as you were sitting there, giving yourself an imaginary pat on the back

you heard someone walking

“i thought something was weird!”

it was the familiar, sweet voice again

it was jaehyun

you quickly tensed

jaehyun was so close to you

like this super handsome, charming, talented prince is literally next to you

“you played beautifully”

you look away to save yourself

not only is he close to you than he has ever been before, he also appreciated your talent

“i made a lot of mistakes though”

you finally forced something out of your throat

jaehyun hummed in response, he then took a seat next to you

now hes like super close

you could literally feel his body heat now

your heart is genuinely about to burst

it’s not that you’re a virgin to all of this or something

it’s just that jaehyun is super attractive ok

“well yeah, but if you could play as good as that without a music sheet, how well will you do with one?” he asked

you looked at him, and he looked at you

you kinda wanna kiss him ngl but you’re a p r i n c e s s you can’t do this

“you’re really… kind” you finally said

you were genuine

this whole time

jaehyun has been nothing but nice to you

no matter how many times you’ve screwed up

he never stops treating you like a human being rather than a princess and/or soon-to-be queen

and he has never looked down on you, either

you thought that he couldn’t have been bothered to approach you after all that proposing mess, but he proved you wrong

you’re touched, honestly

it’s literally been about a day and a few hours since you met him but you kinda understand why so many kings tries so hard to marry their child off to jaehyun

“when i heard you play from a distance just now…”

he trailed off

you snapped out of your own train of thoughts and gave your attention to him

“it reminded me of my grandmother, she’s… well, she’s no longer with me now, but she used to play this guzheng when i was a boy,”

“i don’t have much memory of her, but i remember her playing this elegantly so clearly”

you’re kinda in daze

like wow did he just opened up to you

jaehyun chuckled

“sorry, i got a little nostalgic there” he laughed

you laughed too, “no worries” you told him

he looked over to you, and smiled

“are you sure you’re ready for marriage, your highness?”

you were taken aback with his sudden question

but then again, jaehyun has been doing nothing but surprise you so far

so you decided to just be honest

you shrugged

“i honestly don’t know, but i don’t mind, either. if i’m being married off to the right person, then all is fine.”

“will you mind if i marry you then?”

you choked on your own saliva lmAo

you’re like WHAT

but you can’t just scream that to his face wtf

“are you serious?”

he nodded confidently

“i’d love to get to know you, you’re a curious one, dear”

you smiled shyly

HE CALLED ME DEAR AGAIN!! IF HE DOES IT AGAIN I’LL GET A HEART ATTACK

“i’m just an idiot.” after a long pause, you finally joked, and he laughed

and there it is again, that laugh that sounds so much like a tune

“it’s refreshing to have a trainwreck around me, you know? every second i’m with you, you never fail to amuse me.”

there it is again, those damned warm, nice and encouraging words that could melt the snow during the cold, cold winter

he called me a train wreck, but it’s okay, i am a train wreck

“so what do you say?” he asked

you paused for a moment

i mean…

prince jaehyun is a whole package

plus he’s so nice to you

having to spend the rest of your life with somebody who treats you humanely and accepts your flaws? that’s a jackpot

“of course i’d marry you! i proposed to you, damn it!” you said, and hit him jokingly

he laughed again

and you laughed too

after a moment of laughter

you two just sat there staring at each other

jaehyun is a charmer, yes

but he’s also just a shy bean deep down

he knew this was an opportunity to kiss you or whatever

but he felt like it was too early for that

so instead, he tucked the few strands of your hair behind your ear

“i have a feeling, that you’ll be an amazing queen, one day,” he said almost quietly, almost like he was whispering

you felt touched by his words

god he’s so sweet i wanna marry this man

“we just met, but it feels like i��ve known you my whole life.” you told him with a smile

he couldn’t help it

he ended up kissing your forehead

you never thought you’d fall in love so quickly

but you did

and you fell for prince jaehyun

and you’re not worried, because jaehyun is worth falling for

#jaehyun #nct jaehyun #nct scenarios #nct fanfic #nct imagine #NCT #jaehyun scenarios #jung jaehyun #jung yoonoh #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun prince au #jaehyun royalty au #prince jaehyun #nct 127 #nct fluff #nct x reader #jaehyun au

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riaflicke · 4 years ago

Text

The saying went something like, monsters are created not born. And that was exactly how Ria Flicke felt about the demon - or demons, plural, depending on the day - inside of her. It wasn’t always dark, but it was fed enough that it grew and grew until she didn’t know what it felt like to not have the darkness inside of her.

Some of the creation was self-inflicted. It wasn’t like she knew how to walk away from a bad situation or how to let the light win out, no, she let the darkness win and that was her own fault. Over the past few months of alone time and wrestling with questions and curiosities, she managed to figure out how and where the darkness was cultivated, fed and nurtured by the people that were meant to protect her.

AUGUST 17th, 2010, FAIRFIELD, CONNECTICUT (14 years old)

Move in day for Faircrest Preparatory School. Day one of one million of learning to be a spy. Mariana thought that it would be a good idea for Leon to drive Ria to move in. After all, he worked at Faircrest, and she thought it’d be good for the younger Flicke to finally get to know her father.

Needless to say, it did not get off to a good start. Ria knew two things: her mother was cryptic about her father and the only way to get adults to pay attention to her was to be annoying. And she had lots of questions for Leon which meant she would be extra annoying.

“Don’t put your feet up there,” Leon turned over to his daughter, who had perched her feet on the all white car dash. “You’re going to get it dirty.” “What?” Ria didn’t dignify him with even a glance, she instead focused on picking a scab on her calf. “Maria-” “Ria.” “Maria,” Leon huffed, “Take your feet off the dash or we’re not leaving this driveway… What did you do to yourself anyway?” “Fell off my bike.” “Don’t you know how to ride a bike?” Picking at the scab until she got it to bleed again (because it definitely made her dad cringe), “Yes. I let go.” “Why?” “It made mom freak out.” She finally moved her feet from the dash, pleased with the furrowed brow her father now had. “And why in the world would you want to do that?” Leon asked in a deadpan tone, clearly frustrated with his daughter’s antics. “It proved mom cares. Somewhere. She got worried.”

The frustration on Leon’s face morphed into one of pride, but in the blink of an eye it was back to neutral. “You’re already thinking like a spy. What has your mother taught you so far?” “Nothing, I’ve known for all of like, three months.” “Alright. Well, we have about six hours ahead of us-” “Joy.” “Don’t interrupt me, Maria. I can’t have my daughter not knowing anything about spyhood. You’re already starting Faircrest at a disadvantage.”

That spoke to the competitive side of Ria and all, but she thought that this ride would be a way to get to know the man she’d wondered about for years. “You’re going to spend six hours talking to me about spy stuff and not like… anything about me?” “I didn’t say that. Anyways, I’ll see you all year on campus, we have plenty of time to get to know each other.” “Ooookay. Weird, but, fine, talk to me about your spy life or whatever…” Her voice trailed off into silence.

Leon glanced over at her, “What were you about to say?” Chewing on her bottom lip, Ria was silent for a little longer before speaking up. “I wanted to ask you a question.” “Fine, ask it then.” “Do you love me?” The words sounded sharp to hide the fear inside. “I don’t know.” Sitting up straighter, the blonde’s face dropped, “How do you not know? I’m your daughter.” “We just met.” “So?” “So, I need time to decide.” “Do you think you ever will?” “We’ll see.” And he wouldn’t. ‘I love you’ were three words he’d never say. “Fine… Tell me about this spy shit.” “Language.”

JUNE 8th, 2010, FAIRFIELD, CONNECTICUT (17 years old) Whether she wanted to listen to her father or not (spoiler: she didn’t!), Ria wanted to be top of her class. Success was something she could control. Success gave her purpose. Success made it all worth it. So as much as she hated Leon Calder with everything in her being, she kept note of all of his rules and the subsequent tests and trials in a tiny leather bound notebook. It was a pale pink, embossed with “Maria” on the cover - which she had since scratched up with pens and keys until it only read Ria.

With graduation on the corner - and a four year break from spyhood (her parents hated that one) on the horizon - she flicked through the pages, a walk down a very bumpy memory lane.

Rule 1: Control the conversation What’s it mean: - Have conviction in what you say - Stand by your words, even if they’re questionable - Don’t get stuck in webs of lies - Take pride in attention - good or bad - throws people off their game when you embrace an insult

Rule 2: Head not heart What’s it mean: - Don’t lead with emotions ever - Look at things logically bc that’s trustworthy, emotions are fickle - Tears are weakness - avoid at all costs!!!

8/30/10 - first week @ faircrest, dad got me a xanax prescription. told me it’s better to feel nothing than something. haven’t tried it yet 2/1/12 - (middle of soph. year.) - i think i’m addicted 4/29/14 - i’m graduating in 2 months. Idk how to feel bc i don’t think i’ve felt anything in four years. 8/2/14 - i don’t trust my own head

Rule 3: Don’t have a blindspot What’s it mean: - Falling in love means youre caught up in another person - Getting caught up in another person is a weak point - A lover will betray you or will be used against you - Lust =/= love, lust is ok.

11/1/13 - i don’t think ive cared about a single person ive slept with. like at all.

Rule 4: Know what you’re walking into What’s it mean: - Awareness is key - Evaluate every situation in full - ALWAYS keep your guard up or you’ll get backstabbed

12/21/10 - was @ home for christmas, dad snuck up behind me and threw a knife. i ducked in time. said i need to get better at awareness. Wtf.

After twenty or so blank pages, one page of the notebook had a few words written on it in all capitals. They were written more cleanly than the notes and scribbles of yesteryear, clearly written by an older Ria with stronger penmanship.

I THINK IM A MONSTER.

SEPTEMBER THROUGH NOVEMBER, 2020, ROSEVILLE, VA (24 years old)

The fires the year prior had been the first time that Ria remembered crying in over ten years. Something cracked inside of her as the buildings and all she’d used to ground herself started to fall and crackle apart. It was what pushed her to look inside of her. To know why she held so tightly onto the lessons and learnings from two people that couldn’t care less about her. It was what sent her to therapy.

There were no diagnoses to be found, apart from a self-inflicted dependence on unhealthy relationships and her vices. She lacked the remorse and violence to be a psychopath, and she didn’t have the swings of anger that hallmarked aggression disorders. What was there instead was a shell, a guard that presented itself as sociopathy - but she knew what she was doing, she had remorse, that was where the questions began. How could you display every trait in the book but be ‘normal’ inside?

The revelation of Blackthorne as a school for assassins had opened up even more of a can of worms, but she ignored it until the start of her third year, as she continued to try and understand what was going on inside of her head. Leon had gone to Blackthorne, yet the alumni didn’t seem to recognize his name. Something was up.

With the help of one of her Faircrest friends, Tobi, she was able to find more on her father. More on his employment records and his history. He’d begun going by his middle name after graduating Blackthorne, Leon Calder instead of Malcolm Calder. Hardly a criminal offense. He had a cross listing with the MI5 (expected, she knew her parents met in London) and a private agency ‘Atkinson Associates’. Further digging revealed it as a hitman agency, one that her father was still actively employed with.

Once she had that, and access to the files of the company, she went to dig on her own - not wanting to pull anyone else deeper into the mess. The employee roster and files were what she really wanted. Clicking on her father’s, she read through the notes, feeling a gross pit building in her stomach as she learned more. Kill count: 117. Use for: High profile, quickturn jobs. Works both individually and with partners.

Noting that the word partners was linked, Ria clicked on it, skimming quickly over unknown names until she settled on the name of a former partner. One she knew too well. Mariana Alice Flicke.

“No…. no no no…” But she couldn’t stop, she had to know more about her mother. Kill count: 2. Use for: Track erasure and evidence destruction.

She didn’t know if it made her feel better or worse that her mother was typically non-violent… Even if she condoned the violence. Blue eyes kept scanning the profile of her mom. Employment Terminated: September 30, 1995 Reason: Pregnancy.

“No wonder he hates me so fucking much.” She took Mariana out of the field, she took his partner away… But that wasn’t her fault! Hovering over the word pregnancy, Ria’s brow furrowed. Another link. There was no reason that needed to be linked. Everyone knew how pregnancy worked!

After a long stare off with the link, she finally clicked on it. The curiosity eating away at her. It pulled up what looked like an incomplete profile, one with nothing but the key statistics. And she didn’t even need to read them, they were ones she knew by heart. Name: Maria Grace Flicke Date of Birth: June 6, 1996 Start Date: To Be Determined.

She wanted to stop scrolling, but her hand kept moving, the answers were finally there. Whether she liked them or not.

Current Status:

Atkinson Associates Case study 001.: Nature versus Nurture

- Developing the mindset of an assassin from day one - Utilizing upbringing to control later characteristics, thought processes, and disposition

None of her mania was an accident. It was all part of a bigger plan that she never wanted to be a part of. Each demon was planted inside of her by the people that were supposed to love her most.

And the only way she could deal with this was to let out an ear-piercing wail.

#dev | ria #i'm sorry #drugs tw

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laughingdarkdreams · 4 years ago

Text

Random horror story

Graphic beneath the cut.

A story about an eldritch circus.

The circus is coming. I saw a flyer for it the other day. It was just blowing down the street. It seemed to be faded and worn the paper seemed to be from years ago however it said the circus was coming to town next week.

The parents were told, the police were gathered. A curfew was established, nobody walks the streets. The town is abandoned, there is nothing but silence. Some people left, some people hid, some people put themselves down. All to avoid the time when the circus comes to town.

Three days and this town is cursed three days and it becomes worse three days until it is all put to fire three days until the funeral pyre three days until it all comes crashing down three days until the circus comes to town.

I saw my parents crying. Crying and hugging each other, hiding away from the windows in a corner of the room. It was...scary. Like they had given up. Like there was nothing they could do. Just staring, waiting, crying... Hoping it doesn't happen. ... Nobody has said anything to the younger ones, to the generation that hasn't seen it happen. All I know is that my parents both used to have siblings. All I know is that my grandfather killed himself two days ago. All I know is that the church boarded up its windows first. All I know is that the authorities have said they can't help. All I know is that something is coming. All I know is that the circus is coming to town. All I know is-

A sound of a distorted calliope a ballyhoo a bell is ringing a song is playing the circus has come to town.

A light passes by the windows. It shines in multiple colors, flashing, changing, fading, blinking, all in sequence. All one by one. The circus is in town. A shadow passes by a window, a tall man with a hat, his face hidden in a smiling mask, his arms drooping to his knees, standing three stories tall. Ten teeth fall to the ground in a mixture of blood and drool from under his mask. The circus is in town. The stars are gone and lights are shining from behind the clouds. Strings stretch up to the sky as armies of marionettes dance along the streets, smiling and waving, occasionally pausing to stare. Some of them are raised up by their strings, and stare into windows. A few of them are slamming their heads against walls. Their wooden heads slamming over and over leaving bloodstains on the walls. The circus is in town. A clown was sighted in the park, just standing there, staring up at the flashing colors in the clouds, silently staring with no eyes. Smiling. I could hear him breathing from my room. Breathing so loud. I blinked and he was gone. But the breathing was still there. Right behind me in my room. The circus is in town. A smell of food wafting down the streets. It is the best thing I've ever smelled. There is a man on fire on the roof across from me. It smells delicious. The circus is in town. Strange objects are flying overhead seeming to be made of fabric blowing in the wind. They have faces cut out of them open holes in the shapes of smiles One of them stops over a house falls quickly covering the windows covering everything but the doors. Built into a red tent. I think it used to be white. The circus is in town. A voice begins to sing "One by one they all run into the basements into the sun one by one by one by one. All to fall all to fall and call and call and call and call for help and mercy and father and friend all before the shows end." The voice calls out "The show has yet to begin." The circus is in town. The sun did not rise today. The music keeps playing on loop. A skip in the song, and- The sun did not rise today. The music keeps playing on loop. Outside the window I see a shadow. A skip in the song, and- The sun did not rise today. The music keeps playing on loop. The window is wide open. A skip in the song, and- The sun did not rise today. The music keeps playing on loop. I don't know how long I've been running. A skip in the song and- The circus is in town. The circus is in town. The circus is in town. I threw up and started crying. I saw something on the TV. I saw something in the mirror. It keeps moving. Writhing. I can't help you. Please. Please, I am so sorry. Please. I want you to stop. I want my reflection to stop. To stop crying. Crying for help. But it's not crying in my voice. I feel a hand crawling out of my throat. The circus is in town. The circus is in town. It is five minutes until the show begins.

"Take the children. Don't come out. I...I have to go, or they will come in here. I'm sorry. They need someone. At least one person from each house. I...I...I...I..." and he stared out the door, knowing he would never be able to leave if he finished his sentence. He started crying. Hid his face in his hands. She made a choice. Out on the doorstep, a child cries for help, cries for her parents. She is four years old. Inside, neither parent has the heart to answer. With hollow looks in their eyes, they cover their ears and pray. The circus is in town.

The things in the streets, crawling on the buildings... ...stick legs, many joints, elongated heads with broken jaws, smiling, laughing, making noises like static and water, like crying, like a death rattle, like glass breaking, like so many things, but not as any of them. A child asks their younger brother "Is it going to be okay?" The younger brother says "It will be." His teeth are falling out. Tiny fingers are growing in their place. The older brother looks at the sky. "Is it safe?" The younger brother is gone. A long, thin arm, thinner than his head, with fingers limply reaching for him grasps at the child, its skin and arm blowing, boneless in the wind. Holds the child by the neck and returns, slowly to the sky, limp body hung in its grasp. All is safe now. The circus is in town. One minute until showtime.

The lights stop, frozen in the sky. A color, a shade, all at once paralyzed by sudden silence. A stillness to be broken until all at once it all goes dark. No longer at home, they sit in a large tent facing the center stage. A small noise like a tense wire rings out, like tension being drawn, like tiny scratches along piano wire, like dragging fingernails across violin strings, like teeth being torn out as they slide down a metal wire over and over being ground down to nothing as they watch unblinking and unfeeling. It is a sort of drum roll to introduce the ringmaster. A light appears small and simple. A light in the center of the circus tent. It burns. It burns. Inside the light the circus is there in all of its glory in all of its wonder and every person inside sees themselves in the light. Sees themselves and sees a moment paralyzed in burning cold. A moment in their lives that right behind them right under a desk near their legs right in a closet behind them right outside a window they didn't notice right inside a cabinet right inside a mirror there was something that could take them away something that was always there and always would be. Inside the light there is a shape. A shape that moves. Suddenly the light fades. From the sky a voice louder than imaginable their ears bleed their eyes vibrate their heads shake they scream from the force. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" Suddenly it is silent. All of them are sitting in their seats. Nothing had happened. Nothing had ever happened. A voice that is not a voice, silent, wordless, but somehow...

it's showtime.

...the message is conveyed.

"I can't feel my tongue. I can't feel my tongue. I can't feel my tongue. I can't feel my tongue. My eyes! MY EYES CAN'T FEEL MY TONGUE!" "Mom! Mom where are you!" "So many of them. Hanging from the tent roof. Where did they come from. Why are they all twitching?" "Help me. Please help me." "IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IT HURTS IM SORRY IT HURTS IT HURTS IT-" "Where did everybody go? Why is it so quiet? I'm...alone here? How many years has it been? I haven't seen anything in so long. I've been walking forever. Please. Please. Somebody. Anybody. ....please." HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME

and the first act closes.

Each person, alone. Each person, afraid, mutilated, bleeding, burning, crying. The circus went dark, and... and... no memory. There is a hallway in front of them. A long covered hallway with circus tent above and around, it seems to go on forever. Every single one of them goes inside. Each person, walking. Each person, silent. Unable to stop. Unable to speak. Walking in one direction, endlessly. Until they find it. A single door.

and the second act closes.

A door in a house abandoned forgotten by time and lost somewhere. Opening with a creak. The sky is grey and white. An old cabin, deep within the woods. Right where it all began. The trees creak in the winter wind. It has been winter for so long. The basement is crying. Hundreds of voices. Crying. Unable to die. In many different places all similar all different one by one they enter. The doors swing shut, never to open again.

A noise from the sky. Those hiding at home hear it. It shakes the earth. Shakes everything. It is so loud. So loud. It hurts. IT HURTS. IT HURTS. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT- and the noise is gone. Outside, it is a normal day. 12:00 PM, Sunday. People are crying in their homes. Everything is as it always has been. Nothing has happened. A large number of people are gone. A door slowly swings open. A man steps outside almost crawling onto the pavement slowly, shakily moving. Stares into the sun it hurts but it is real. The sun is here. It is safe. Falls to his knees. Hears his wife come over. Hugs her tight with his eyes closed tight. The smell of sunlight. The bitter sting of tears. Panicked breath and bawling his eyes out. It's over. It's all over. A deep breath. He holds it. He lets it out. He breathes in and smells cotton candy and fire. Eyes snap open. His wife her tongue is leaking out her eyes bulging her hair falling off in chunks. THE SOUND OF MUSIC THROUGH THE SKY THE DARK RETURNING THE SMILES BURNING THE CIRCUS IS HERE TO STAY.

#My writing #Horror #Eldritch horror #Clowns

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and-the-world-is-quiet-here · 4 years ago

Text

Live 2020 debate commentary from a salty, disabled, and VERY pissed gen Z

Yall he just said he’s immune

My dad just left the room

Bitch are u saying Johnson and Johnson is going to make the vaccine?

sir that’s the diaper company…..smh

Biden just said its going to be a dark winter

#winter is coming

“virus.....that came from china” -trump 2020

“were learning to live with it”-trump 2020

apparently “Biden lives in his basement”-your president 2020

totally accurate.....obviously

ohhhh biden just said were learning to die with it

trump interrupted biden

Mam I thought you said you were muting them?

biden laugh count at 3

he all about the once percent till its the dead ones

trump interrupting at 3...nvm its now 4

this debate is making my dog sad

interrupting now at 5 for trump

trump saying his young sons illness just “went away”

bitch he’s may age and no it did not just “go away”

he was in quarantine for two weeks

apparently nyc is a ghost town

its not a ghost town trump I live right next to it

loudest neighbors ever

trump don’t call him Anthony

his name is DOCTOR Fauci

treat him with the respect he deserves

Biden looks so sad

nvm he legit looks like the joker right now

HALFWAY MARKKK

why is this at 9?

sir its a school night

I need time to scroll through my feed for hours before collapsing

Biden don’t use the word sovereignty

trump doesn't know what it means

thats discrimination against trumps

ohhh hes attacking hunter (biden) again

so he has a wee drug problem?

at this point everyone got one!

your the one making lewd comments about your infant daughter on national tv

(look it up he talks about his 6 month old daughters legs but and breasts)

get him big b!!

h876689908776- my dog 2020

he wants to express his disappointment

the light boxs is stealing his mother attention

ohh hes being rude to the moderator again

u a strong independent Indian woman get him girll!

mute his mike

prty plz

I am dissapionted in you

he’s saying he’s not allowed to release his taxs

(that is a proven lie)

“i was put through a phony witch hunt”- you'll never guess 2020

hes going after his BROTHER now

how is this allowed?

who decided trumps strategy would be to accuse his opponent of his own crimes?

look at the insults guys its a crystal ball

stay ahead of the scandal's

WILL YOU LEAVE HIS SON ALONE PLEASE

THESE ARE HIS CHILDREN LEAVE THEM ALONE

“i was a business man doing business”-trump 2020

no sir you were another rich white guy taking advantage of tax brakes and cheap foreign labor in asia

#american jobs as long as i don’t have to pay minimum wage

#you know like a DECENT FUCKING PERSON

Trump interrupted again

I lost count a while ago

Biden is staring into my soul

oh Biden just played the middle class childhood card

I haven't heard a single mute so far?

trump just said his bromance with kim jung un saved america from nuclear war

dont through my boy Obama under the bus

and another interruption

my big bro just screamed “MUTE BUTTON MUTE BUTTON MUTE BUTTON”

honestly same

10 more min guys

hang in there

OHHH trump just got MUTEDDDDDD

Biden is now on legitimate policy

ahhh hes proud of his plan

annd trump just interrupted

trump just kissed up to the moderator

trump just said biden’s more liberal than bernie

ohhh

biden just said trump dosent know who hes running against

hes like “this is joe biden”

like I know bro but slick burn anyway

ohhh they muted trump again!!!!

perfect opportunity to mute missed

trump just blamed healthcare issues on nancy peloski

biden says the the republicans wont pass it

(btw hes actualy right)

2 mins left

and trump is speaking through it

1 min left

omg what a waste of air

I really want him to test his “immunity”

preferably during a harsh winter

ITS TEN GUYSSS

there running over

they still haven't covered immigration

shit

I have just learned there is 30 min left

I think I would rather kill myself than watch the rest of this

I’m seriously have a sensory overload right now

I’m doing this for u

“children are brought here by coyotes”-presedentail cown 2020

what a wack ass sentence

hes like ohIi haven't been putting kids in cages

and then just went but I didn't build them they were built in 2014

(contradiction much)

“who built the cages”

yes it was Obama but guess what

THEY WERNT BUILT FOR KIDS

there ment to house animals, evidence, and adult prisoners in emergency situations

THEY WERNT MENT FOR 3 YEAR OLDS

Biden was just like “well no actually kids come with PARENTS”

(kids hardly ever come over with out parents)

and then he was like and also WHO LOST TRACK OF OVER 1,000 PARENTS

(thats 500+ new orphans at the least)

hes saying only the illegal immigrants with the lowest IQs come back after being deported

we said the same thing in december about you but ya’know

my mum was like “anyone eating chocolate” and I was like “im snaking on this ignorance” and she was like “dont do that you'll get indigestion”

“no one has done more for the black community then Donald trump except for maybe Abraham Lincoln”

oh yeah Biden just brought up how trump publicly campaigned for the execution of the central park 5

WHO WERE CHILDREN

AND OH YEAH THEY WERE COMPLETELY INNOCENT

trump just yelled at Biden, got muted, and just yelled louder

trump just said he cant see the audience but hes the least racist person in the room

“Abraham lincoln here is one of the most racist presidents in american history”- biden 2020

biden just went “oh god”

he just said that he used to not support the blm movement because they chanted rude things about police officers

I would like to reiterate that “pigs in a blanket” has never been chanted in a protest or been a prominent statement in the blm movement nor “fry em like bacon” so what trump is saying is factually incorrect

unless hes on some sort of far right conservative twitter feed were he came across a video of some drunk white college kids chanting it

but you know what ever fits you narrative

plus I would be pretty pissed if I kept getting shot at for no reason so....

Biden making more logical decisions

trump was like why have you never done all this stuff when you were vice president

“we had a republican congress” -biden 2020

we have the cleanest air

we have the cleanest crystal clear water

sir, i know you've been to mexico

don’t lie

the waters gorges down there

and not owned by your smug ass

trump just called china filthy

so you know....

*whispers* racism

ok 5 min left

for real this time

trump just went “aoc plus 3: and then hes like she knows nothing about the climate

ummm.... you dont even believe in climate change

bidens like “are....is...is is”

good for you

correcting your grammar

trump just said “the wind kills all the birds” out of the godamn blue

(he means wind mills and its untrue)

“Whats the next question baba”

“the final question is leadership which he doesnt have”- baba 2020

I feel bad for anybody watching this on the toilet

bidens starring into your soul

he knows what your doing

there officially overtime

its 10 33

they haven't even done the last section yet

btw ITS A SCHOOL NIGHT

why do they host these so late

I should be pretending to be asleep right now

this is generational discrimination

plus trumps supporters are so old there asleep by now

ohhhh its over

1036 final time

okay so thoughts....I generally dont like the party system i think its ridiculous the system was not designed for it, and its now more about loyalty then the actual candidates. I also am really hesitant to put another strait white male in the oval office, especially one thats from “the lucky few” I.E. the smallest voting generation in the country and also the one that already holds the most positions. That being said, at this point its really anyone but trump and I think bidens got the experience to turn things around.

I AM IN SCHOOL I CANNOT VOTE. I am relying on all my older friends, followers, neighbors, and community members. To make an educated decision that wont further degrade the once hopeful future my generation awaits. Please if you can vote VOTE the kids are relying on you!

P.S. sorry i wasn't able to edit this earlier i struggle alot with spelling and didnt have the time to edit this because I HAD TO GO TO BED AND THEN GO TO SCHOOL. Why am I more politically active then people twice my age you might ask? Well, thats because adults are lazy and need to get of their gd asses and VOTE. So kids dont have to do the legwork for them.

I have said my peace now, have a wonderful day!

#2020 #election #covid #trump #biden #debate #byedon #flyden 2020

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bytemycupcakes · 5 years ago

Note

Got a headcanon about Al's parents (And the rest of the hotel for shits and giggles)

I initially had alot of Alastor parent hcs before he was confirmed to be mixed race, I’ll keep them a bit vague since I haven’t altered them yet.

I will go into other characters, Overall warnings for abusive/neglectful parents

Alastor

-Alastor was always a mamas boy, she was the best thing of his relatively decent childhood.

-His father usually pretended he didn’t exist, favoring the pet dog since he didn’t want a child.

-Alastors mom was incredibly sweet, and believed that every human should learn any skill, thus taught Alastor many typically feminine chores. Sewing and cleaning are examples

-When Alastors parents died in the horrid cold of a blizzard, Alastor couldn’t stand to look at or accept his mother was gone.

-Once he was able to he burried her respectfully behind their home, while the remains of his father were left out for the forest animals until they became unrecognizable, then burried and unmarked.

-His father is in hell, his mother is hopefully in heaven, according to Alastor himself. He can’t imagine his mother would ever end up in Hell, but he didn’t know her that well, so he can’t be certain.

Angel Dust

-We all know that Angels father isn’t the best guy.

-He’s good when he wants to be, and was even incredibly doting on his wife after each child was born.

-Henroin treated Angels mom like she was a fragile piece of glass.

-The siblings dont know much about their mother, but Arackniss says she was kind, pretty, and overall the best mom ever. Sadly Henroin never talks about her, becoming quiet and prone to lashing out (more than usual) when shes brought up.

-After their mother dissapeared shortly after Angel and Molly’s birth, Henroin became incredibly protective of his kids for just a few years.

-Once Molly and Angel began developing personality, Henroin distanced and became harsher.

-He had done the same to Arackniss, and it worked on making him an obedient and cold hearted child, he wanted the same out of Angel and Molly.

-Yet that never happened.

-Angel and Molly both ended up being very happy children, Henroin seemed to soften up at Molly since she was his little girl... But Angel...

-Angel liked Molly’s things too much to be accepted.

-Henroin had no problems with having happy and hyper kids, they weren’t his favorite, but he would be able to manage two hyper twins if thats what he was stuck with. But no, of course it cant be easy for him, He’s stuck with two hyper and incredibly femine kids! And one of them is a boy!

-So he cracked down on Angel, and the stress of being a single father of three and running a mob added ontop of having a dissapointing son... He ended up lashing out at Arackniss and Molly too.

-He’s always known he was a bad father, and he apparently wanted to fix that, but he never “found the time”.

-Yet.. In hell, with all the time in the world? He still never changed.

-Really none of the siblings are surprised about that, he’s always been stubborn.

-Angels mother is in heaven

Vaggie (I have two dif hc sets for her, I’ll go with the one that lines up with older hcs of mine, if yall wanna know the other set feel free to ask)

-Vaggie doesn’t know anything about her dad. She never has, and it doesn’t bother her that much

-She was raised by her mother ever since she could remember.

-The two struggled for money often, and it just got worse when her mother ended up having her twin half brothers from a hook up.

-Of course they were excited to have more family, but that also meant more mouths to feed.

-Vaggie eventually lost cound of how many jobs her mother had, Vaggie having to take care of her little brothers whenever her mother was working.

-Despite the struggle they were happy, her brothers grew up and seemed to excel in elementary school.

-Vaggie took up whatever jobs she could get once she was able too. Her mother inststed she had no need to do such a thing, but Vaggie wanted to help as much as possible.

-Her mother was grateful, at her old age she needed to drop a few jobs for her own health. She has two young boys! She cant die on them. (Or on Vaggie, but she’s practically an adult, she can care for herself while the boys cant)

-Sadly this all spiraled and Vaggie was eventually killed during some of her more questionable work.

-Vaggies mother is still alive, as are her brothers. She mourns Vaggie every day and has a locket with Vaggies picture inside on her person at all times.

Niffty

-Niffty doesn’t remember much of her mom. Though she died when Niffty was 6, Niffty’s memory is just too bad.

-Thanks to her father.

-Niffty’s father, while generally loved by the town and her brothers, was an awful man to his wife and daughter.

-Niffty’s mom having died from the abuse, and Niffty being driven to suicide at the age of 22 from the same thing.

-He ran a small toy buisness, training his four sons to take it over when he passed.

-Toy making and buisness weren’t the only things he taught his sons. As each one was just as abusive as him.

-To their own wives, and to Niffty

-Niffty’s father was prideful, stoic, and incredibly harsh.

-Niffty has no idea where her mom could have ended up, but is pretty damn sure that her father (and brothers) ended up in Hell.

Husk

-Husk never knew his mom. He CAN become sensitive about it, but usually doesn’t mind.

-Husk adores his dad just as much as Alastor adores his mother.

-Husk was raised by a single father and casino staff.

-His father was a joyful magician and an excellent buisness man, owning his own small casino.

-He was a loving father, always scooping up Husk, doing cheesy magic tricks, and making his adored son laugh.

-But nothing can stay happy for long.

-Husks father ended up losing the casino, breaking Husks heart by doing so, but he was far more attached to his magician work.

-Even so Husks father was depressed, losing his joyful attitude and growing distant with his son.

-In only a few years after losing the casino, just months before Husk was to turn 18, Husks father became ill and died.

-Husk assumes his father ended up in Heaven, the man wasn’t perfect, but he was by no means as sinful as Husk.

-If it turned out Husks father was in hell, he’d probably be totally heartbroken, even if that meant he got to see his dad again.

Rosie (Because Im in a big Rosie mood)

-Rosie had a loving mother and a cruel father.

-Well, cruel to his family at least, otherwise he was a fairly respected man

-Rosie was the oldest of five daughters, and helped her mother raise the others.

-Her mother was rather soft spoken, and lacked confidence, something Rosie is very grateful she didn’t inheret, even if all her other sisters did.

-Rosie being the oldest was supposed to inheret her fathers fortune, but any time she tried to talk to him about it, he would dodge the topic.

-It was clear he wanted a son to inheret the name, but after five children, Rosie’s mother was in no place to have another child.

-Luckily he was able to accept that. Yet still refused to let Rosie take the family fortune, even when she tried to say her future husband will take it rather than her.

-He was a stubborn man.

-Keeping his wife and daughters in line as much as possible, it seemed Rosie’s whole family turned on her.

-Mother and sisters begging her to stop bringing up the issue, just fall in line and maybe he’ll be kind.

-Rosie refused to back down, but knowing it was a losing battle, and unable to convince her sisters or mother to be on her side, she broke into her fathers safe, stole as much cash as she could fit in her hand bag, and ran away. She chose to live her own life, rather than being a “perfect daughter” in fruitless hopes that her father would give her the family name.

-Rosie is unsure of her parents whereabouts, She assumes it’s likely both ended up in hell. Even with her mothers kind nature, she believes her passive nature would have lead her to commiting enough sins to fall.

#Hazbin Hotel #Hazbin Hotel Alastor #hazbin hotel angel dust #Hazbin Hotel Vaggie #Hazbin Hotel Husk #Hazbin Hotel Niffty #Hazbin Hotel Rosie #Hazbin Hotel Molly #Hazbin Hotel Arackniss #Hazbin Hotel Henroin #Hazbin Hotel Headcanons

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zuffer-weird-girl · 5 years ago

Note

Someone kidnapped Kaito and Kurono's daughter. While they were figuring out where they were being held Mimic informed Kai and Kurono that the children had returned. The children clung to each other and were clearly tired of running. On question parents as they have escaped they responded, that girl distorted space, and until kidnappers were in confusion Kaito destroyed the door and they fled. (We all remember that he has the ability of a father)

Im sad now because this is the last one about my baby Kaito in my ask box :c

"KAITO I SWEAR TO GOD BRAT YOU COME BACK HERE NOW OR I WILL SURELY USE MY QUIRK ON YOU WITHOUT MERCY!" screamed Overhaul, not even caring about the amount of glares in his direction as he and Kurono ran through the crowd.

"HARU?! WHERE ARE YOU TWO RUN OFF GODAMMIT?!" screamed along Chrono as he run right besides Chisaki.

They were just taking their kids to shopping to have at least an idea of what both of the youngsters would want on this holiday... but Chisaki had turned his back for one second and discovered that his eight years old son had simply vanished along with his friend's daughter.

Both parents were desperate, and it didn't help their search when the whole mall was full due to the near date of Christmas.

And surely, Chisaki was panicking at being already night and that you had called him to ask if he was going to take too long.

The older mans stopped to take a break from running to regain their breaths as they looked desperately around them to see any signs of dark brow haired little boys and white haired girls.

"Chrono, where the fuck were you looking at when these two disappeared?" Asked angrily Chisaki as he still looking around them.

"... my daughter pointed to an toy and I was looking at the price..." admitted embarrassed Hari, still hunched up, regaining his breath.

Chisaki gave him a dark glare before sighing and searching for at least a guard of the mall...

He approached in pure rage at the poor young man, making him jump at the sudden appearance in front of him and the tone he carried on his voice.

"We lost two kids. One boy with dark brow hair and one girl with white hair. Lead us to the security cameras. Now." Demanded Chisaki woth Chrono following right after.

"I-I'm sorry sir, but we need to look for them first for-" Chisaki groaned as he controlled himself to not overhaul his gloves.

"We literally ran this whole fucking place for three hours on their search, and haven't found them yet." Said Kurono clearly irritated and without a single piece of pacience "Show us already the camera if you don't want to have a painful and tortures death." Threaten the man making the youngest one jump in fear, soon leading the two to the security cameras.

When Chisaki and Kurono found an covered male figurine taking Haru and Kaito away with an death grip on their arms, both were surrounded with death wish towards the person and desire to kill them in the most cruel way possible...

You don't simply mess with an yakusa boss's kid and their partner as well... and get out of it alive.

Chisaki discreetly entered his home; not to pick your attention, he didn't need his wife having another heartattack; in search for Mimic and Nemoto.

Both mans flinched at seing the wrath aurea coming from their boss and Chronostasis, both demanding in a threatening dark tone for the mysterious man's location.

It didn't take much to discover that he was a subordinate of another yakusa, making Chisaki's veins almost explode due to his wrath. The plan of rescue was being made until a knock on the door was heard.

Chrono went to answer; almost ripping the door out; when suddenly he gasped in shook, looking down at him.

Chisaki turned around and saw his son, holding Haru's hand before giving her back to her father, looking up at him for a second.

"Kaito." He sighed in relief as he made his way to his son and dismissed everyone out of his office. Chrono picked his daughter up and got out of his office before giving his good bye to Chisaki, while still checking for any possible injuries on his daughter. Thankfully it wasn't any.

The same thing couldn't be told for Kaito though... The little boy had just a cut beneath his eye brow along a few scratches crossed his right forearm.

"Kaito." Chisaki sitted on his couch while he waited for his son to get right on his side "How did you manage to escape? Most importantly," he waved at his son's injuries "what happened?"

The boy looked down for a minute, (E/C) filled with terror and sadness... Making Kai even more irritaded at these despicable group rival to his for making his son this way.

"For one second me and Haru saw a man selling ballons and we wanted to get one, then we got lost and that man found us and took us away..." the boy glared down at his right hand "They put us on a room but thanks to Haru's quirk we got out... but a guarf of there went to attack us and I... I..." Chisaki lift his palm, already understanding the situation.

"I get it. It was just him?" The boy shook his head as he gulped down a sob.

"There was their boss and hitted Haru pretty hard... I... panicked and hitted him and soon went to try to help her...She's alright, at least I think, but Dad..." the boy sniffled trying to hold back his tears "I-I didn't mean it to just explode those guys arm and legs... I think I even killed them... I-I-" the little boy bringed his tiny fist to his eyes as he still tried to contain his sobs "I didn't want this... I want my mom..." he whispered.

Chisaki bringed his palm up and patted his son gently on the head before bringing him close and warming him that he would took away his injuries but it might hurt a little.

He hated this, especially when his son looked so terrified, not because of the situation but with himself... probably he hadn't killed them but it was enough to traumatize the boy... He even felt pure disgust at using his own wuirk on his son... but it was better than letting him with the cut on the forehead...

He would have to take care of Haru and Kaito's memories later...

When it was done Kaito just looked so numb and out of element that Chisaki was starting to get worried. He pocked his son temple to gain his attention as he glared down at him.

"You don't have to feel this way, especially since you weren't in the wrong side. They made the first move, so then they had to deal with the consequences..." he picked his son wrist and brought between him and the confused boy's eyes.

"Kaito, this is the sorce of an great power, one that you used for an very good reason. This is going to be the last time they mess with you or your friend surely..." he let go of his son wrist as he messed his equal dark brow hair and taking off his black mask to smirk down at his son.

"I couldn't be more proud of you than I am now Kaito. You proved to be very strong at this age already." He left an puff of air of relief when he notice his son finally smilling back to him.

"By the way." He hitted the back of his son head, not har but not soft either making the boy yelp "This is for the scare brat, you have any idea how much I had to run looking for you?"

"Come on! You just complemented me an second before! Not fair daddy!" Whined the boy as he scratched with both hands the back of his head.

"Don't think your punishment is over. I will talk to your mother about it later." Kaito eyes widened in terror as Chisaki smirked.

Now he had won your attention for a while...

"Kaito. One more thing." Chisaki lifted from the couch and stared at his son. "You won't remember the events of today probably tommorow. So don't tell your mother." Kaito could see a tiny hint of desparation om his father's eyes, which made him smirk devilish.

"Or else?"

"Or else I will give a good reason for your mother to be upset with you, how's that sound brat?" Threatened Chisaki.

"What about the fact that you along with uncle Chrono lo-"

"You two are finally back!" You beamed happily entering the office making both of them yelp and shut their mouths.

"Hi mommy!"

"Hello angel, how are you in this beautiful night?"

"... okay what happened?" You asked crossing your arms.

Both of your boys changed looks before Kaito glued himself on your leg as Kai went to give you a kiss.

"Nothing interesting." Both say in union.

Right. As you would believe that... Well, maybe later you can question it...

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goatbi · 5 years ago

Text

Hey Ho, it’s a Host backstory babey.

so uhhh, trigger warning for blood, child abuse, vague gore, rape mention (not explicitly stated but very much implied) and murder!

So, uh, smol bean born, given dead name, which,,,, he doesn’t technically have cause I never? gave him one? Cause it makes me feel yucky, so, smol baby, born into a family, had two older brothers and an older sister, so he was the Baby of the Family. Mom and Dad were,,,, gross. They didn’t have much, relatively poor, which didn’t help the family shit, and baby Author got really into books and writing. Like, really into it.

so the moment he could, he started to write journals. He kept every single one he wrote, stealing notebooks to be able to keep them going. Sometimes it was random ideas and doodles, and other times there were blood staining a few pages, along with tears, and accounts of what his mother would do when dad wasn’t home.

His brothers (twins) where three years older than him, and his sister a year and a half. They were baby too, so they couldn’t do much against it all, but they tried to protect small boy. He wasn’t exactly completely protected, cause of reasons, but they tried their best and he was quite grateful.

So, mom was shit, and lil baby Author was sittin there like ‘don’t think im a girl, but is this the right time to say this?’ so he hid that from parent, but told! Older Bros, who were both like ‘neato lil dude, but don’t say shit to mom’

and time went on, they got older, started being teens, and Author wasn’t exactly... normal. The other kiddos were relatively okay, rather traumatized by the whole situation, but they came out of it the other side, and were fine. Author, on the other hand, seemed a bit... off to everyone who saw him. First off, no one liked his eyes, cause they seemed to glow at times, bright gold and full of malice towards others. He wasn’t exactly as normal.

and this is around the time that he discovered how much Better he was than anyone else, the power he wielded in his hands to control people’s fates simply by writing.

And... well, there was some revenge to deal out.

Siblings escaped, left him behind, as he wrote the parents death, blaming dad for not stopping her, and mom for being horrible. he left them to die in their old house and forgot about the three that protected him, who ran off to exist as beans somewhere else. I dunno, I haven’t really expanded their characters much they’re kinda there for filler.

and he grew. He was still small, as he always had been, since birth he was a small little baby, and he stayed small and rather weak. having the taste for blood now, he searched for people to hurt.

sometimes, though, they found him.

he’d go to bars looking for people who were being rude, or just people he didn’t like the look of, and write their deaths out. He didn’t exactly look male enough to people yet, especially for that time period, so there were a lot of nasty looks and rude comments, slurs thrown at him. He didn’t care, just writing out their deaths and keeping his journals, of which there were quite a few now.

and eventually, someone took it too far, and he couldn’t protect himself in time, couldn’t write out their death fast enough, and they set out to ‘prove what a girl’s supposed to be’ to him, out in the alleyway behind one of the places he frequented.

this was the start of the more... gruesome kills, where he found himself torturing them longer than he had before, playing with his victims, slowly gaining more power as he exercised his abilities.

he was eventually found by the egos, taken into the group, and he let himself pretend he could feel more than malice and hatred, tried to let them into his heart, but he couldn’t find it in him.

but he had a library, where he kept his books and his journals, and he had his cabin, where he kept his more... grotesque ideas.

slowly, he began to crave more power than he had, and faster than he could build it. He was reckless and angry, and wanted more and more, and eventually he looked to dark magic, scouring book after book to find whatever it is that could make him better than before, make him more than what he was now.

and he found The Ritual. It was a complicated thing, and he left the others to go to his cabin, which was a normal occurance for him. However, he usually told people where he was going and how long, so they knew in case he got in over his head. He believed he couldn’t do such, being a powerful man such as himself, controlling a person’s fate as easily as writing a word.

so this time he didn’t tell anyone.

it took almost two months to gather and complete this Ritual, and finally, powerhungry and angry, he did what he thought he had to

and drove himself insane.

the sudden rush of everything, every last broken bit of emotion he never let himself feel, the ideas and everything he thought he could do and everything he never thought of, the beings hidden deep in the world that could kill something with a single glance, if that, the power he now possessed, at such a powerful cost to himself.

he screamed, tore at his face and neck and screamed in his cabin, the fire blazing around him, before finally, his scratching fingers caught around his eyes, and he tore them from his skull, feeling the flesh around his face burn and sting as he did.

he escaped the cabin before it fully caught, bloody and burnt, dripping blood and occasionally his own melted skin, and wandered. He wore nothing but a shirt and pants, both burn to hell, tearing the skin of his feet as he walked back home, where he knew they would be waiting. He knew that they would be there, sitting around, wanting to find him, though he wasn’t sure how he knew.

he wandered in, dripped blood on everything, showed his broken bloody form to them, the empty void of where his eyes had once been, and collapsed.

when he finally woke, it had been nearly a week after he had done the Ritual, and Host was exahusted. He knew too much, felt too much, and wanted this pounding headache to go away and-... realized he was talking aloud, he could feel the things around them, see them in a way that he shouldn’t have been able to do, with the crisp white bandages wrapped securely around his face.

he spent nearly a month in doc’s care, bleeding violently, and occasionally dropping back into that insanity from the cabin, screaming and voilently tearing away his own skin.

eventually, he calmed, mellowed out, and retrated to his library. he couldn’t bear to destory everything that he had, so he hid it off in a small room, everything of the Author away and broken, in a sealed off room, and forced himself to forget, to think he burned it all to restart, and went about his new life, until he was prepared to deal with what he had done.

until then, he slowly forced himself to remember what it was like to feel.

#the host #markiplier egos #this is angsty as fuck #i forgot how fucked i made his backstory #he's trans and autistic btw #mom hated the second thing in that a huge amount cause he was #off #anyways #that room? is what Host found on my ask blog #he found a box of his old journals and read through them #Feelings In Various Ways

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gray-anxiety · 5 years ago

Text

No Sympathy → Levi Ackerman Chapter 7 → Information

Read the rest of the chapters here!

Apologies for the late update

Also, for some reason this didn’t want to be uploaded indented, so oh well I suppose.

Even from blocks away, music could be heard throughout the alleys from the biggest party hosted in Maria to date. The sun had set hours ago, leaving only the young night and bright moon to guide Levi and Aella through the dark alleys. Aella had shoved her hands in her hoodie pockets and matched Levi’s fast pace with ease, though Levi still had his hand gripping Aella’s almost covered wrist from her pocket (she was wearing a sleeveless hoodie; Levi couldn’t exactly tug her arm with the same effect as her wrist or sleeve) so he didn’t lose her in the almost pitch black paths leading them directly towards the massive party house. Levi was on high alert — bringing every single one of his knives and forcing Aella to bring hers as well; they were going for answers and had no intent to party (against Aella’s wishes). Levi had his scarf covering his face and even had his own hoodie up — Aella didn’t need her hoodie up when she was wearing a beanie that was already close to covering half of her forehead; Levi turned every once in a while, simply just following the directions Google Maps told him to take. Levi’s phone gave out a dim light (he had his brightness all the way down) barely lighting up his own face; Aella looked around at the grimy poorly managed alleys — noting how almost every apartment that had any person old enough to sneak out was practically black and empty. Most of this district held the kids that were abandoned by their parents who went to live in the other cities — leaving barely any apartment filled with a person older than 25 left. Aella could still hear the bustling of cars even from deep in the back alleys; most people were going to party all throughout the weekend and leaving a golden opportunity for every gangster and robber alike to earn a quick buck with barely even trying thanks to the shitty police force. Levi eventually turned out of the alleys to the main sidewalk by endless road and continued walking with his focus all on his phone. Aella was pulled out of her fleeting thoughts when she bumped into Levi when he stopped suddenly — the music had gotten indescribably loud and the house in front of them had moving colored lights shine through the windows. The house itself looked more like an apartment complex than house, but Aella didn’t let looks fool her — Sasha was from the city of Rose itself and came from a fairly wealthy family considering the fact that they didn’t live in Maria; this was most definitely a house, albeit, a sure as hell expensive one.

“We’re here. Stay close and do not drink or smoke anything.” Levi grumbled as he finally let go of Aella’s wrist and walked in the door without knocking — knowing no dumbass would be able to hear with how loud the music was thanks to the windows being open due to the amount of smoke coming out of the house. Aella walked in after Levi and looked around; practically everyone held a blunt of some sort in one hand and a beer in the other — while some groups stuck to the walls and corners, a massive crowd gathered around the large makeshift dance floor in the middle of what Aella assumed was a massive living room that easily held a few hundred people in there alone. Aella recalled seeing mini crowds outside from there being almost no room to fit any more people inside — the only word she could even come close to describing the house was massive, and even that was an understatement. How Sasha could afford a damned mansion with the food bill she has to pay for herself was beyond Aella, but this was Maria and every living space was cheap for any person from the other two cities. Levi tapped Aella’s shoulder and jerked his head in the way of what looked like businessmen holding signature red solo cups — they must’ve been the men Levi had been looking for. Levi pushed through the crowds of people — bumping most to move with his broad shoulders — and kept his head down with his hood up the entire time. Levi casually stood at the edge of the wall leading to the next room where the men resided: Levi could hear their conversation easily and look like he’s just leaning against the wall while onlooking the party. Aella stood nearby, though not too close to avoid suspicion and was Levi’s vanguard for distracting any horny teens away from flirting with the occupied thug. Levi directed all of his attention towards the conversation at hand — trying to find any answers whatsoever.

“Heard Levi’s gone into hiding.” A grumbly voice chuckled.

“Aye, the pussy has. Did you hear how much money the damned lucky bastard made for selling out the runt?” Another, more nasally voice responded smoking a blunt.

“Upwards to almost a million some say — that true?”

“1,500,000. The man told me hisself, aye. Bloody bastard really outdid everyone this time — and now he gets a nice cozy spot playing defense minister o’ the capital.”

“Enviable. Has Levi been spotted here yet?”

“Naw. The runt ain’t ‘ere from what I’ve been told. I’ve heard he went to either here or Rosie for a while, but that’s just a wee rumor. The official coverup is he’s outta the country for some time, but we haven’t seen ‘im yet.”

“So, we held this party for a chance of seeing someone we’re not even sure is here?”

“Aye.”

“Bloody great.” Levi clicked his tongue and let out a string of curses silently — they knew he was somewhere on a guess. Nevertheless, his identity wasn’t figured out, no, it was leaked from someone that knew and was simply paid to snitch. Levi walked at an abnormally fast pace and grabbed Aella’s wrist — making a beeline for the door.

“Levi, where are we going?” Aella knew something must’ve gone terribly wrong if they were leaving so early.

“Home. Someone sold me out — they held this party to trap me, too. Unless you want to be jailed and killed by being busted with me, I recommend we get the absolute fuck out of here.” Levi once more brushed shoulders with every person standing as he tried to shuffle his way out of the ring around the dance floor and general crowd, but it was too late. Like it was in slow motion for Levi and Aella, some stumbling drunk dumbass tripped over Levi as they stumbled backward and tugged off Levi’s hood while trying to grab anything to help him not fall. Levi’s hood fell back — revealing Levi’s alarmed eyes as he recognized that three people around them alone were a part of numerous mafias. Mafia spies immediately recognized him from the photos given to them and advanced subtly to trap Levi with no way out available. Levi looked around the trapped duo and cursed — the only way out of this deathtrap was the back door. Levi grabbed Aella’s wrist tighter and speed-walked out of the tight crowd in a gap not filled in with a mafia spy, throwing caution to the wind as far as laying low went.

“Oi! There he is!” Shite. Now went every plan of losing a small, manageable, crowd. Every mafia member in hearing range turned their heads and spotted Levi too — they just had to make it out alive. Levi ran to the door and flung it open — shoving Aella outside followed by slamming the door shut. They weren’t going to lose them for long and Levi couldn’t possibly take them all on with the chance of Aella getting hurt — Levi’s hands were tied; he had to make a decision on whether to run or to risk the chance of injury.

“Hey, shorty, where you running off to? Did she promise to smash or what?” Levi turned his head back to the door to only greet three figures — two tall as shit males and one fairly tall female — all of which were smoking a blunt. Levi grunted and turned back to speed off, but Aella was stuck frozen in her tracks — her eyes wide and mouth open.

“Let’s go, Aella. They’re going to catch up any fucking minute.” The female’s head perked up at the mention of Aella’s name and stepped towards the still frozen Aella — Levi tugged Aella’s arm harder in a hurry. They were so caught if she didn’t fucking move right now.

“…Aella? Is that… really you?” Even though it was pitch black at the back of the house, the outline of the female shown — glasses that looked like goggles laid atop of her head, her hair was combed up into a messy ponytail, and she wore a leather jacket with chains connected to her pants. Aella sucked in a breath and felt a tear prick her left eye. Levi scoffed and kept looking around for any sign of mobsters — one sign of activity and Levi was cutting off this ‘special’ moment without giving a single damn.

“…Hanji?” The person in question smiled and nodded at her companions that Aella and Levi were, in fact, allies before pulling Aella into a bone-crushing embrace. Aella squeaked and laughed — hugging ‘Hanji’ back with glee

“I thought you were dead! I never saw you at school or at parties and you obviously weren’t answering your phone, so I went over to your place to hear that you had been kicked out! What happened, Aella?” Aella rubbed the back of her neck and started to speak, but was interrupted by every mobster in attendance bursting through the door and windows. Levi grabbed Aella and started running against a now screaming Aella to turn back to get Hanji. Hanji nodded back at Levi and sprung into attacking with her comrades to give the wanted duo time.

“Levi! What about Hanji?! She’ll be taken hostage back there!” Levi snarled and ran even faster.

“It doesn’t fucking matter to me one bit if that greasy hag makes it or not. We need to lose them and hide — fast. I will not risk us being discovered back at the apartment!” Aella looked betrayed but kept running with her numb legs. Aella spotted a tiny alleyway that didn’t even look like one thanks to being so small — perfect when you have people speeding towards you to kidnap you.

“Levi! To the left! You see that?” Aella called out, tugging Levi’s hand. Levi nodded and took a sharp turn towards the tiny back alley. Levi yanked Aella’s arm forward and shoved her in first before running in himself. Levi pulled up his hoodie and panted slightly while Aella was full blown gasping for air. Levi soon heard fast footsteps approaching and grabbed Aella in his arms — covering her mouth while semi-shielding her with his body.

“Don’t make a sound,” Levi whispered and held his breath. The footsteps echoed in the alleys and got louder and louder every single time, inching closer and closer until they stopped right at the corner before the turn to enter the back alley. There was no sound whatsoever for a few seconds — the silence was deafening for Levi — Aella could only hear her booming heartbeat that felt like it was going to burst right out of her chest. Aella’s hand silently grabbed onto one of Levi’s arms, which so happened to be encircling her waist, and squeezed it out of anxiety. Levi moved his arm and held Aella’s shaky hand with the hand that wasn’t covering her mouth. Levi’s body angled ever so slightly more to cover Aella — hoping that his black attire would blend in well enough with the shadows of the alley and the blackness of the night. Suddenly, a tall figure came from around the corner and stood — sniffing the air; Aella almost let out a surprised scream and Levi’s body almost moved on queue to attack until he heard a laugh.

“Mike! I told you to find them not fucking scare them!” Hanji. Aella shoved Levi out of the way and bolted to Hanji.

“What were you fucking thinking you jackass! You could’ve fucking died out there and for what? To save us?” Hanji cackled at Aella’s endless scolding and doubled over.

“Christ, You haven’t changed one bit, haven’t ya? I was perfectly fine thanks to Erwin and Mike over there. They might’ve had numbers and more weapons, but no one beats Mike’s nose and Erwin’s strategies!” Hanji threw an arm over Aella’s shoulder. Levi glared at the two men towering over him and gripped his knife harder — Aella might’ve been friends with one of these people, but Levi sure as hell wasn’t. Hanji sighed, removed her arm, and walked over to Levi.

“Yo, shorty. We’re all comrades here, alright? We aren’t going to sell you out or shit. Every guy back there is dead, by the way.” Levi nodded and slowly sheathed his knife.

“Anyway, the guy with the eyebrow piercing and tattoos is Erwin, and the one with the ’stache and brass knuckles is Mike.” Hanji introduced the men, who each nodded their head in hello while still standing. Aella sighed and walked up to Levi.

“He’ll never introduce himself, but he’s Levi — my roommate.” Levi was too busy having a stare down with each man to bother to acknowledge Aella’s attempt at introducing him to them. Aella grabbed Levi’s arm and pulled him out of the back alley.

“Levi, we should get back before anything else happens. You guys should come too in case they try and find you.” Hanji and Erwin nodded in agreement and Mike simply followed. Levi, on the other hand, was repulsed at the idea of bringing three unknown people back to the apartment and made it obvious by glaring at Aella — who returned the glare just as furiously as Levi.

“If they make a damn mess, they’ll be fucking slaughtered.” Aella rolled her eyes and took it as Levi’s way of saying ‘this isn’t okay with me, but I have to make it up to you some way.’ The duo made their way back to their apartment, only now with three allies in tow.

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armsdealing · 5 years ago

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▌real name: marcelo giancarlo reyes marconi. ▌single or taken: single or taken depending on the timeline. ▌abilities or powers: mixology, cards (don’t play poker with him because you will lose; for that matter, don’t play baccarat or faro or even uno -- again, because you will lose), public speaking, gun handling (has been taught how to use them since he was 14), dancing (breaking/hip hop; salsa; merengue, among others), kickboxing (trained since he was 7), playing sports (primarily soccer; he’s a forward winger) + the powers that come with being a werepuma (being nigh indestructible; healing factor; heightened senses and superhuman condition; shapeshifting, and immunity to psychic attacks, just to name some relevant ones) ▌eye color: dark brown. the puma eyes, when shifts into them, are pretty striking: besides the fact that they gleam, the iris is a ring of green/blue inside a ring of yellow. they seem almost hypnotic, and in the dark, they retroreflect light. (reference / 2) ▌hair color: brown ▌family members: gianna marconi-reyes (mother, deceased), ysmael reyes (father, deceased); a lot of aunts and uncles but primarily -- on his father’s side -- berenice and emmanuel reyes, and daniela and adán, all alive; then there’s his many cousins, all of which he’s very close to (acting sometimes more like siblings than cousins). on the maternal side there’s the marconi family which is big and complex on its own right but he’s not particularly close to any of them. it’s worthy to mention that he’s the grandson of giancarlo marconi, a very prominent don in the east coast mob, though. ▌pets: he doesn’t have any, but he feeds any and all stray cats he comes across, and they end up following him around. ▌something they don’t like: he doesn’t like stuck-up attitudes and people out of touch with reality. doesn’t like people noseying into his business, either. alas, he chose to work in social media and he deals with both of those things on a daily basis. ▌hobbies/activities: the abilities above mentioned count as hobbies, frankly. marcelo is so good at them because he enjoys doing them and practices as often as he can. he also likes cooking (it’s a good sign when he cooks for you) and talking walks, running, swimming, watching movies, listening to podcasts, riding his motorcycle, camping, bouldering, hiking, taking pictures (with a camera and his phone), playing instruments (piano + guitar) and singing. he also likes traveling. ▌ever hurt anyone before: yes. though big on pacifism nowadays, marcelo is not a stranger to fighting, and not just the kind of fighting where you throw a few punches and then quit. i’m talking full blown brawls where bones have been broken and eyes blackened and he’s had to get yanked away from the other party. he used to be much worse when he was younger, when he was more temperamental and less mindful of his own strength, and when his tolerance towards bullies and insults was zero point zero. nowadays you can still catch that side of him under specific circumstances. however, it’s rare -- he much prefers to remain unresponsive to insults and provocations. and as for hurting people emotionally... tbh yes. sometimes, he doesn’t think before he speaks. and sometimes, he does thinks he speaks, but you deserve to hear what he’s about to say (at least according to him). ▌ever killed anyone before: in his main verse, not just yet. ▌animal that represents them: puma, cougar, catamount, mountain lion! but if you want other examples, all felines in general. ▌worst habits: he pours all his emotional labour into other people and none on himself, usually without noticing that people just use him. he’s gotten a bit better at this (he’s lost some “friends” because of it, no doubt), but still... he worries a lot and whats to Help, and he stresses out when he can’t solve the problems of people he cares about. ▌role models: his parents but that’s kind of falling apart the older he gets. his aunts, berenice and daniela, and his older cousin natalia (played by @neotropical). his godmother, also named gianna played by @tribeof. emiliano @riverbodies. and his best friend ivana played by @neotropical. nearly all his role models are women because men kinda suck, frankly. ▌sexual orientation: bisexual. ▌thoughts on marriage/kids: he wants both those things very much. he would definitely love to get married someday and have a small, intimate, but fun wedding and he would love to have kids (he’s thinking three) to raise and love. he would be a natural as a father, far from perfect, but definitely the type of parent that just intuitively knows what his kid wants and needs -- and works to help them even if he doesn’t. ▌fears: as a result of past traumas, marcelo is terribly afraid of losing people he loves, cue him being very protective over them. he can’t stand the thought of them getting hurt, nevermind actually dying. ▌style preferences: marcelo values his family above all other things, and it shows pretty much in the fact that he carries them everywhere with him and they really have an impact on his sense of style. he always carries his father’s silver cross necklace not out of a sense of faith (that hasn’t been there for a long time) but because it belonged to his father. he has the birthdate of his twin cousins (inigo and ignacio) tattooed on his shoulders in roman numerals, and the names of his parents on the back of his neck. he’ll often wear necklaces with pictures of family members, and pieces that belonged to his aunts, from chains to rings and bracelets. he made paintings and drawings by his little cousins into shirts he often wears. he lets alba sew patches into his jeans. he gets his nails painted by camila and his hair cut by elián. much of his wardrobe is actually hand me downs when not thrift finds and tend to be combined with high fashion clothes that are, more than often, gifts (from either industry friends or, let’s just say, benefactors) -- but yeah, when not wearing sportswear, he’s mixing and matching repurposed clothes with luxury fashion items. point is: there’s a lot of history to a lot of the things marcelo wears and much of it goes back to his family, which he’s gone as far as to immortalize on his skin in some form. ▌someone they love: ivana, his best friend, is basically his soulmate as well tbh and the person he loves the most. on that same tier go charmaine and rafael (@neotropical). in a platonic and familial manner, he loves gianna (@tribeof), zephyr (@isolctions), emiliano and alondra @riverbodies, and honestly.... this list ain’t long enough. he’s so full of love and you’re all missing out on that shit, smfh. of course, he also loves his entire family to bits. ▌approach to friendships: marcelo would do, and does, anything for his friends and he loves always making new ones. he’s the helpful, generous type that is happy simply spending time with you, but will also try and get you involved with new things he’s doing, and will always be down for whatever you’d like to do. as a matter of fact, involved is the best way to describe the way marcelo always tries to make his friends feel. he’s not nosey or pushy, but if y’all haven’t talked in a while he will often send you a text to check up on you. he treasures his friendships and devotes time to them. as mentioned before, he’s also very protective and very much a mom friend. ▌thoughts on pie: he’s not crazy about it but he enjoys a good strawberry pie now and then! ▌favorite drink: (non-alcoholic) water, and coffee. colombian coffee to be precise: don pablo colombian supremo, but any colombian brand will do. (alcoholic) his go to alcoholic brands are bacardi, havana club, josé cuervo and antioqueño. he loves his mojitos, daiquiris and cubalibres and those are his usual orders, when not ordered plain. ▌favorite place to spend time at: his apartment. he isn’t gonna pay rent not to spend time in that shit. that being said he equally enjoys both the city and nature. he thrives in the night life and in clubs, parties of all kinds, the neon HQ and high end bars, and he loves beaches, and parks, and forests, and mountains). ▌swim in the lake or in the ocean: he won’t refuse either, boy just loves swimming. ▌their type: honestly it’s really flexible. he can date from the sweetest angel to the biggest asshole if you’re ultimately a good person. he likes people that are comfortable in their own bodies, that are confident and got spine without being conceited. mutual interests definitely help, but a similar desire to grow together and put effort into things and each other is even more attractive to him. just be mature and know how to communicate.

tagged by: i forgot but i love them. tagging: @neotropical (ivy), @tribeof (gianna or abel) @isolctions (zephyr or rue), @belissimae, @withlwolves (maria) @dirtypaw @zkljns @curdledmiilk (your pick, someone you haven’t done) @undones (griff) @wheelmans @strikier (yes im tagging all ur fuckin blogs)

#* marcelo.#greetings loved ones #just popping in to talk about a boy for a hot second #misc.

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cyanpeacock · 5 years ago

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that comic is big hueg mood and i value it a lot.

mental illness really isn’t about “oh just be thankful for what you CAN do!”

it’s sometimes (always?) about “i know i’m capable of doing Even Better, if i just had some help! i’m not well! i’m thankful every day that i’m not worse, but it fucking burns me to know how much better i COULD be doing with more support!!”

and if you appear to be high-functioning, even if that level is like, abysmal compared to what you know your mind and body would actually be capable of in better circumstances, you sort of get... abandoned? like, “oh, that one is doing well enough.” and seeking out the necessary support to improve your functioning level requires SO much time and energy that it is literally killing people.

like i have so many suicide attempts i can’t count them under my belt. i’ve got self harm scars on every limb and they number, like... well, it’s in the hundreds, for sure. i’ve got no IRL social network. a lot of my daily energy goes on regulating emotions and processing trauma. i can’t drive, i can assemble some food sometimes but can’t reliably cook, etc etc.

and because i’m in university - still there by sheer force of will, because this is the ONLY thing that might land me in reasonable comfort in the future - and not in trouble with the school, i’ve been written off again and again by mental health services. it’s always, “come back in six months,” or “here’s a referral for a 12-week group, in two years’ time,” and “oh, has it been two months? i’m sorry, we haven’t got around to allocating you a community psychiatric nurse yet”

i’m here like, what... the fuck? i feel like, it’s been assumed i’m a person of average ability, with minor problems, and i can just Get On With It. when actually, i’m well aware i’m a person of exceptional academic ability, with really quite significant social, emotional, and mental health problems, particularly like... in terms of trust. and it makes me fucking furious, and at times ashamed, that i’m coming up to 22 years old, my secondary school peers are graduating, and i’m only just going into second year. i was ahead of my peers for So Long. i should still be there. but because nobody believes i need fucking help, i’m getting delayed more and fucking more!!! it burns me!!!!!

like, of course i can fucking Get On With It. that’s all i CAN do, it’s my Priority, My Degree Is My Life This Secures A Future I Could Accept. i can learn semantic information without ever fucking touching my trust/interpersonal issues. and i don’t think anybody just skimming my case notes can grasp how much this fucking course means to me, how much sheer fucking aggression i’ve had to channel to get here, to stay here.

like they don’t see how i haul myself out of my apartment when i’m fucking suicidal to show to the lectures. how I take notes from the lecture recordings for every. single. lecture. i miss because i’m too exhausted or overwhelmed to make it to the hall. how i never chat in the lab because i’m scared as hell and have to get into a mindset that goes I’m Here To Fucking Learn Not To Make Friends, although i’d really like to make friends. how exam revision takes priority to the exclusion of eating and sleeping, how I have to set myself timers and force myself to eat and sleep, how my walls get covered in webs and webs of colourful revision post-it notes and i spend hours and hours arranging them Perfectly so i can remember the whole thing as a 3D spatial map inside my brain. how i give myself eyestrain and migraines from staring at books and screens for so long, how i don’t fucking wash myself, or clean my apartment, or say a word to anyone but myself for days or weeks. how i’m so fucking hurt that it took me two years to do first year, how i’m having to go part time for second year. like, this is not healthy learning. this is, I’m Going To Die If I Don’t Cling The FUCK On To This Opportunity, This Lucky Fucking Break That Is Going To Save My Life. and i’m NOT fucking giving it up.

they don’t seem to see that AT THE SAME TIME i’ve been off on my fucking own learning and practicing DBT skills, how i taught myself to meditate when my mind is still screaming Kill Yourself Kill Yourself Kill Yourself, how i’ve been seeing a private counsellor who i can’t afford from the wallet but who i have to afford so i don’t try to kill myself even more fucking often. how i’ve been looking around to try and find like, a faith that might give me more reason to keep fighting, how i do all that shit like taking walks in nature and working out and maintaining a good sleep schedule, and yet, i’m Still Not Well.

like here i am with the SAME trauma spinning around my head and the SAME terror of social situations and the SAME goddamn increasing fear every time i push myself to “just join a group!! just talk to people!! it gets easier the more you do it!!!”

that’s the FUCKING PROBLEM! i’m DOING all the easy shit, all the “just make lifestyle changes! :) x”!!!!!!! there is still shit that gets HARDER the more i do it!!!!!!! i get MORE anxious and MORE scared and MORE defensive and MORE avoidant the more i push myself to Just Talk To People and the better somebody knows me, because the more they know, the more they have to use as a fucking weapon! this is why I shut down and say “Oh you know I’m okay :)” in my fucking appointments!!!! because they send me to SO MANY different people, who BARELY skim my case notes, and i have no opportunity to develop enough trust with them to tell them the whole truth! which is, “dude, i feel like shit. i’m behind where i Should be given my age and ability. i have no friends, i’m terrified of people who start to get to know me. i’m constantly trying to process trauma, but it’s always the same pain, and then i remember something else painful, and it’s all more fucked up the older i get, and there’s a limit to what i can do about this alone, and i’m overwhelmed. i’m used to it, because i’ve been living this way for so fucking long, but i’m furious, because you people should have KEPT me from getting used to living like this. and i Don’t. Want. To Live. This. Way. Forever.”

they haven’t even given me the fucking opportunity to build ANY significant, long-term therapeutic relationship with ANY NHS mental health practitioner. i haven’t seen anybody for more than like, three appointments, except my goddamn private counsellor, who is a blessing and lets me pay him in artwork when the cash runs out. and he always looks so angry and disappointed that the NHS are doing so fucking little for me, but never that way in me, which i have seen from so-called mental health “professionals,” including crisis team workers, on the NHS.

like, the last time i saw a psychiatrist, he had a face on him like NBC’s Hannibal fucking Lecter and he said word-for-word “I don’t think there’s anything I can do for you.” what kind of fucking health professional comes out with shit like THAT? and shortly after that appt I got increasingly unstable, went psychotic, trashed my apartment, tried to commit suicide again, then spent all my fucking money running all over the country and ended up here, in a flat in halls my uni are paying for while i bit-by-bit clean up my apartment, alone because i don’t trust anybody else to touch MY THINGS, until it’s livable again.

i think i’m gonna print a lot of these recent text posts and take them to my case review. i’ve always been too ashamed to take anything significant that i write to Brain Appointments, because, like... well. mother is to blame for that. “melodramatic/theatrical/overemotional/I think you’re just tired/making things up/imagining things” and so on. and the fact that when it was found out by my school i was self harming and they told her, shit got so much worse at home. like, that pretty effectively taught me Hide Everything Or You’ll Be Punished, Even By People Who Say They’re Just Trying To Help You.

man, seriously, fuck this shit. fuck this shit. fuck how hard i’m having to fight for this. fuck all this terror and aggression, sure I can pilot the ship on fear and fury, but i wanna pilot it just like, gently, with love and enthusiasm. i’ve been finding ways to start doing that, alone. but this whole, social stuff? i can’t do that alone. the social space inside my head is healthier, i’m not screaming and fighting with the voices, or constantly blocking them out with music and drugs and trances, but Other Bodies? i need help with Other Bodies.

ok im getting a headache so it’s time to call this post Done

#fliptext #trauma #abuse #neglect #uh #ask to tag #self harm #psychosis ment #suicide #long post #sorta

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scullyy · 5 years ago

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100 Truths

Tagged by darling @missdaisymayrio

1. Real name: Daina

2. Nicknames: Scully, Gremlin (only Kyla can call me that)

3. Zodiac sign: Scorpio

4. Gender: Female

5. Nursery: Didn’t go to one

6. Primary school: Went to a public school, good times

7. Secondary school: Private but ended up transferring to public

8. Hair color: Green/Blue (naturally brunette)

9. Long or short: Relatively long now, had short hair for YEARS

10. Loud or quiet: Depends on my mood, usually quiet

11. Sweats or jeans: Shorts bruv

12. Phone or camera: Camera :3

13. Health freak: Not really, I have a sugar addiction what can I say

14. Drink or smoke: Engaged in drinking in the past, wasn’t my thing. Smoked marijuana once, again wasn’t my thing

15. Do you have a crush on someone: Nope

16. Political orientation: I’m not really political

17. Piercings: Ears (helix, tragus, two on either lobe, conch) and my septum!

18. Tattoos: None but hot damn do I really want some

HAVE YOU EVER [BEEN IN]:

19. Airplane: Yes! I’m not a big fan of flying though

20. Car *accident*: Almost, my friend is a shitty driver :/

21. Fist fight: Never, I’m too lazy to get into fights

FIRSTS:

22. Piercing: Ears

23. Best friend: I lost my best friend due to some drama over my ex, don’t speak that much anymore. So no, I don’t really have one.

24. Instrument: Piano, still learning though

25. Award: I’ve won awards for athletics and one for writing.

26. Crush: This one boy in my class when I was seven. I don’t remember what I liked about him though

27. Language: English

28. Big vacation: Went to the Gold Coast when I was 15, that was awesome.

LASTS:

29. Person I talked to: My mum hehe

30. Person I texted: A friend of mine about skincare crap

31. Person I watched: Idk??????

32. Food I ate: Avocado and tuna sushi :3

33. Movie I watched: The Perfection (a weird ass Netflix movie)

34. Song I listened to: Beyond The Sea - Robbie Williams

35. Thing I bought: This face oil thing my friend recommended

36. Person I hugged: My mum (I got scared after something happened earlier today)

FAVES:

37. Food: SANDWICHES!

38. Drinks: Tea and Juice mmmmmm

39. Clothing: Shorts with my long denim jacket + my flannel cap

40. Book: I’ll Give You The Sun - Jandy Nelson <3

41. Color: BLUE

42. Flower: Hibiscus

43. Music: Halsey and Conan Gray

44. Movie: The Lovely Bones

45. Subjects: English and Art!

IN THE PAST YEAR IM

47. [] Kissed in the rain

48. [X] Celebrated Halloween

49. [X] Had your heart broken

50. [] Went over the minutes on your cell phone

51. [] Someone questioned your sexual orientation

52. [] Used a weapon

53. [] Breathed fire (god I wish)

54. [] Had an abortion

55. [] Done something you’ve regretted (I don’t believe in regrets)

56. [] Broke a promise

57. [X] Kept a secret

58. [X] Pretended to be happy

59. [X] Met someone who changed your life

60. [X] Pretended to be sick

61. [] Left the country

62. [X] Tried something you normally wouldn’t like, and liked it

63. [X] Cried over the silliest thing

64. [] Ran a mile

65. [] Went to the beach

66. [] Stayed single

CURRENTLY:

67. Eating: Watermelon gum (does that count as something to eat??)

68. Drinking: Nothing

69. Getting ready to: Relax and sit on my ass

70. Listening to: Idle Town - Conan Gray

71. Plans for tomorrow/today: Did all my errands today, tomorrow I’m going out with my dad to do some thrift shopping

72. Waiting for: Dinner tbh I’m having chicken nuggets

YOUR FUTURE:

73. Want kids: Perhaps, although childbirth truly scares me. I’d rather foster kids or open a home for teens who have been kicked out.

74. Want to get married: I’d like to, just gotta get over my issues relating to commitment teehee :D

75. Careers in mind: Photographer, Voice Actor

WHICH IS BETTER ON A PERSON/PARTNER:

76. Lips or eyes: Eyes

77. Shorter or taller: Taller. I don’t have much choice, everyone is taller than me

78. Romantic or spontaneous: A nice mix of both. I’m a hopeless romantic, but some of my best memories are from spontaneous events :D

79. Nice stomach or nice arms: A R M S !!

80. Sensitive or loud: Both!

81. Hook-up or relationship: Once I’m older, a relationship! I am intrigued by hook-up culture though, I feel like that resonates with how I feel right now in life.

82. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker. C’mon mate let’s make some fun memories!

HAVE YOU EVER:

83. Lost glasses/contacts: Never had either

84. Ran away from home: Nope, thought about it though

85. Held a weapon for self defense: I have one, but luckily I’ve never had to use it

86. Killed somebody: ...depends who’s asking (jokes, I haven’t)

87. Broken someone’s heart: Yeah, it fucking sucks

88. Been arrested: Nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Miracles: I do sometimes.

91. Yourself: Only in certain things, I believe that I deserve more than what I have been dealt in the past, but I don’t believe in my dreams :/

92. Love at first sight: Oh fuck yeah. There’s something magical about looking across the room, seeing someone and just instantly feeling this pull towards them.

93. Heaven: I wouldn’t call it a ’heaven’ in the traditional sense, more that there must be more to the universe than this life. There has to be something beyond ourselves.

94. Santa Claus: Nope

95. Easter Bunny: Nope

96. Magic: I believe magic exists in simple ways, maybe you’ve never broken a bone or you can make the perfect cup of tea.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

97. Is there one person you want to be with, right now: My friends, they’re all going through a tough time at school and I wish I could help them.

98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life: I am content, haven’t quite reached happiness yet but we’re getting there :))

99. Are you happy with the person you’re with: Single so....

100. Post as 100 truths and tag 5 people: @darling-clemmy @everlastinqg @freckledpianoman @cassierage @stay--jazzy <3 <3 <3

#not twdg #ask scully #this was fun!

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rk-869 · 6 years ago

Text

Ac!au. assassination failed

(Im using the name nines because I like it the most) (Also im not the best at writing and ignore typos or grammar errors, English isn’t my first language) Nines was the most skilled assassin in the brotherhood. He was very well known and always accomplished his mission. He got it done quickly and most of the people who hired him were happy about this. But boy did he knew his life was going to change after this mission.

“So you take the task, mr. Nines?” A rich man looks up at the assassin who was hiding half in the shadow. He was sitting on the desk well the only thing could be seen from underneath his hood was two ice blue eyes looking curious at the man. The man slightly shivers, this assassin was pretty intimidating and he could feel it. “I will indeed, this man Connor anderson will be eliminated as soon as possible” Nines replies. He stood up and nodded at the man “I’ll see ay you after you bring me evidence you actually killed him. Only to be sure though.” Nines rolls his eyes because of this. As if he wasn’t trustworthy enough. He didn’t complain about it and just tapped his hood before sliding out of the window back into the darkness.

As nines had climbed onto a building and watched over his hometown , he started wondering how long it would take to get his target down. He did a bit of digging into Connors history and this man wasn’t an easy one. He was rich young and well skilled so he should be careful with him. Nines decides to hold an eye on him so he could study the best moment he could possibly attack this person and bring him down without others to notice. He nods to himself as he was sure that’d be the best option to do. The assassin sighs and stared down the town being amused by the light and beauty of it. Sometimes he wished he wasn’t alone so he could share the love for his town with someone else, but assassins were born to be alone. Nines smiles sadly at this thought shaking his head before sliding down to the ground again, going home so he could start fresh tomorrow.

The next day Nines was as early as the sun and was already wondering around the crowd in the city. He found out where Connor mostly hangs out and started heading towards it staying as much out of sight as he could. He saw his target sitting down on a table holding a drink or something well talking to his dad, Hank anderson. Nines sat down on a bench not far away from them and listened to their conversation. “Oh cmon dad it would be fun! You haven’t had fun in weeks this party will definitely loosen you up a bit” Connor said chuckling well looking at the older man “Connor please im too old for parties. Im already having fun enough well sitting on a couch with some beer well petting sumo, I don’t need stuff like that in my life anymore. But if you wanna go, go ahead you’re old enough to choose for yourself” hank nodded at Connor making him sigh “You’ll be missing alot, but fine stay at home. I’ll make sure I make some food for you before i go” He holds up his glass at hank before throwing it back into his mouth. Nines couldn’t help but smile a bit. A typical son-dad relationship. Would almost be a shame to break it if Connor wasn’t seen as a threat. Besides that, a party? That’d be the best time to let him get into a room and shut him down. Nines needed more information about this party. He looks carefully up at the two people interacting seeing hank smiling st Connor before ruffling through his brown hair “you’re such a good kid son” Connor just smiled brightly before they left. Nines heart pounded a bit. He didn’t understand why though but seeing his target smile was so pure. He shook his head trying to get this thought out of his mind knowing that he needed to assassin this man and shouldn’t be thinking like this. The assassin stood up and followed the two men from a safe distance.

After a half day of following Connor around Nines came to know that the party was tomorrow night so he had enough time to get ready for it. Nines had decided to go undercover and make sure he could get Connor to follow him into a room. The next day flee by as he had prepared everything. The assassin was unrecognizable, being in a classy suit and all dressed up for the party. It was a fancy party for rich people and everyone could walk in, if you had money of course. Nines heads to the party and was capable of fooling the guards to let him in. He looks around the place trying to find his target and locked his vision on Connor as he was standing talking to some people. Connor looked comfy instead of fancy, his clothes being a bit loose and his hair being a messy but on a let say cute way. Nines couldn’t help but stare a bit at him looking at every single detail of his body before actually approaching him. As he got closer nines saw Connor was smaller than him what was amusing to him for some reason. When the assassin got closer Connor looks up towards him meeting looking into his cold eyes with two brown warm orbs. They looked welcoming and friendly. Nines once again felt his heart skip a beat but ignored it. He wasn’t here for this bullshit he was here to accomplish his task. Connor gave him a smile “well hello, im sure we haven’t met yet.” Connor held out his hands and nines took it “im Connor anderson, one of the hosts here” Nines nodded and lightly smiled back “im Nines, its a pleasure to meet you mr. Anderson” Connor softly chuckles taking his hand back “oh just call me Connor im not much of a mister person” Nines nods at him. They picked up a conversation as Connor started telling him what he experienced through traveling and sailing but that he was always happy to be back in his hometown that he loved. Nines started to feel more appreciation towards this man for some reason. How he talks about this town and how passionate it was. Connor was interesting for nines honestly and for some reason he made nines feel weird watching his brown eyes sparkle from excitement well speaking. Nines bit his lip a bit. For once in his life he felt that a task for him was going to be hard. He never had this before mostly he could just slit a mans throat easily after interacting with them. But this man felt different. Nines didn’t know why but he just did. The assassin cursed in himself before making the conclusion he just needed to do this. He never failed a mission anyways

“Um Connor? Could I talk to you in private?” The young man looks surprised by his request but nodded “of course! Follow me theres a empty room around here” he smiles and starts heading towards it. Nines followed with his hands on his back calmly. As they got into the room Nines got close to Connor immediately. The smaller man got confused by this and wanted to say something but kept it shut as a faint red crosses his face. Nines didn’t understand it but did understand what he needed to do. He grabbed Connor and held him close, their faces almost a inch away from each other. Nines heart pounded fast being so close to Connor but neither of them said something. Both males had a blush crossed their face now looking into each other’s eyes. But a look of fear went into Connors eyes as nines pressed a knife against his neck. Nines wanted to do it, he wanted to accomplish his mission but he couldn’t. In such short time this young person had a affect on him that he couldn’t describe at all. He bit his lip seeing the fear in Connors eyes before dropping the knife and closed the gap between them kissing the other roughly. Connor was caught off guard by this but after a minute or so he kissed back. They parted as nines pants slightly from all the tension that got into him before releasing the flustered man he was holding. Nines huffed looking down at him “this isn’t over yet.” He softly says before opening the window and disappears into the shadows. Connor had watched him leave rather flustered and amused. Who was he?

[cliffffhangerr i guesss]

>Yo, this was so cute! I need you write more! Are you going to write more? I hope so. Love at first sight, eh? I’m digging it fam, I am :)

#assassin's creed au #rk800/rk900 #submission

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