#im not leaving them in box forever though

[louthestarspeaker]

it's almost 1am here's my essay about Dal and captainhood <333

I hath promised a Dal essay and I hath delivered… 

I've had this in the drafts for so long, but I just rewatched season two and it really allowed me to solidify a lot of my thoughts.

One of things that really strikes me about Dal's character and his relationship to command is that being in charge is a place of safety for him. He's had to be self-reliant and self-sufficient pretty much his whole life until the Protostar. It's something that was engraved into him since he was small, that the only person Dal could really depend on was himself.

And because he was never around anyone who actually cared about him until the Protostar, that was the right thing to do. This need to be in charge, to be in control really, is a learned survival skill. "I can tell you from experience, people in authority lie."

But in season two, his circumstances have changed (for the better!), and that's not the right thing to do anymore. Ultimately, to me, Dal's season two character arc is about vulnerability and trust. He's been in survival mode for so, so long, and now we watch him learn to heal.

You start with this boy who's spent the grand majority of his life alone or with people who are exploiting him, and the story takes him by the hand and tells him "now that you're safe, now that you have people who care about you, you can't live like that anymore."

All throughout season one he learns trust. Trust in his crew, in Hologram Janeway, in the Federation and in Starfleet as institutions that can and will help him and his newfound family. But as a captain,when he was guiding his crew through active crisis after crisis, trust looked like open doors. It looked like laying out all the variables and problems on a table so they could figure a way out together. 

Trust looks very different on the Voyager-A. It asks him to have faith in what he's not seeing, what he's not being told. He has to believe that they have his best interests at heart, that he's not trusting his family to something that will try to hurt them. 

Captainhood isn't just bossing people around for Dal. It's the responsibility of holding the lives of the people he loves in his hands. He trusts his own hands. He has the best interest of his crew at heart. 

To ask Dal to relinquish control, is to ask him to place the lives of himself and his family into someone else's hands. Which, historically, has not gone great for them. It prods directly at his trauma, asks him to take undo and ignore the survival instincts that kept them alive for so long. Is it any wonder he has trouble with that?

Dal's not going around crawling through Jeffries Tubes because he's a brat or because he thinks he's entitled to know everything. He's a traumatized kid whose self-sufficiency, independence, and ability to make his own decisions were once, for a very long time, the literal line between life and death for him and his crew.

And even if he trusts Starfleet and Janeway in his head on a logical level (which I absolutely believe he does), there's still this instinct that's written into him. It's a process to learn how and when to turn that off, and that's what we see especially throughout the first half of season two. 

This really culminates in the cafeteria scene after they return with the Protostar and Chakotay, when Dal advocates for the Starfleet temporal management guys to figure out a way to get the Protostar back to Tars Lamora. Dal was able to see that his hands weren't the best ones for the job, and trust Gwyn's life to someone else. That's huge for him. He trusts not just a person, but a branch of an institution he's never interacted with before, with one of the people that mean the very most to him. And Dal's able to give up that control, to place himself and his crew in that position of potential vulnerability, because he's finally started to feel it in his bones that he's safe here.

[bunnys-kisses]

i've had a horrid idea in my head, don't look at me! (maid!reader feat. soap & ghost)

so basically

you get hired through the cleaning service that you work for, to help keep a house outside the city nice and clean. you are a bit confused why whoever hired you needed a maid who lived over two hours away. but, you were assured that it would be worth it and shuffled off.

you thankfully only had two go twice a week, mondays and wednesdays with your day off in the middle. the pay was above standard, pictures of the home were shown, along with profiles of the owners.

simon riley and john mactavish. they were army men who wouldn't be at the house as much as most customers. which was a relief. this was not however the case, as the more you spent coming over the house to clean, the more they seemed to be around.

the blond one with the face scars was simon and the burnette with the mohawk and the scottish accent was johnny (he made you call im johnny). it would taken several months before they made the first move.

it started with johnny brushing up against your backside while he was in nothing but pajama pants. his erection against you.

then the snowstorm happened. you were about the go home, determined to drive when the snow came down in heaps. the snowflakes were almost as big as a two pence coin.

you ended up staying, and johnny brought out the whisky! he told you it was the good stuff from the highlands as he served you a healthy glass. it still burned like a bastard when it went down, the disgusted face you made caused the other two men to laugh. when you tried to use the bathroom you heard simon's voice ring out, "oh, there she goes!". as the snow hit the ground outside, you got drunk with your customers.

which then resulted in coy kisses, followed by loud fucking in simon's room. it had the bigger bed but it didn't matter because your hands and knees ached by the of the night. as did the back of your throat (you couldn't talk the morning after) and your pussy (you sat in weird positions to ease the pain for a week after).

simon and johnny were bullies to you sexually. you were twisted like a pretzel as both men just fucked you without abandon. you were left gasping and it didn't help that it turned you on too! you were such a bad maid, but it was hard to believe yourself when both men grumbled your praises as they moved you once more to get at just the right angle.

you tried to give the appearance of keeping it professional, but when you ended up back at work your boss told you that simon and john needed more help before their deployment, so she had moved your customers to other maids.

your priority was to help those men anyway you could! "they're serving our country! they need as much as they can before they leave once more!"

it wouldn't take long before you pretty much moved your life into their home. when you called the resign from your job at the maid agency, johnny was between your legs while you were sitting on the kitchen counter. your free hand was in his mohawk, yanking on the strands. he had spent all morning encouraging you to quit your job, which mean being laid out behind you with his hand down the front of your panties. his calloused fingers rubbing your clit until you were practically yelping from the overstimulation!

one night when you were "helping them" simon was gone for several hours and came back with boxes of your stuff. everything was put in neatly, when you tried to ask why he simply said, "you can't be wearing our civvies forever." (as if the two men weren't going to buy you clothes or anything else you needed). but it was nice to have some stuff with you. you never asked how he got into the apartment though.

sometimes the boys will still play maid with you. johnny liked it when he got to push up the skirt of the maid's dress you were wearing and simon liked when he got to tear the garter under the skirt right off. johnny's cock was soon balls deep in your while simon licked your clit.

paycheck wasn't necessary anymore, not while you were living with them full time. living in the city was nice, you would always cherish your time in it! but it was a lot nicer being sandwiched between two burly men who would capture the sun and the moon and serve it to you on a silver platter. <3

[brittle-doughie]

Hello!! Im new to this blog and I really wanna interact ;3

So, I kinda remembering this request....

So I was thinking,

What if the (other) Ancients (and maybe even legendaries) also break/took off pieces of their body to make the desert and gave it to Y/N too?

You can do this if you want of course!! :3 (I hope Tumblr doesn't eat my request AGAIN)

Dessert Report (The Ancient Cookies)

Warning: Cookie Cannibalism

Customer: Pure Vanilla Cookie

Treat Gift: A cake slice dabbled with vanilla frosting.

Result: Portions of hair missing, hat has to be angled to hide the missing parts.

Pure Vanilla entered the cake shop one afternoon after leaving with White Lily Cookie the other day. He talked about seeing White Lily’s gift to Y/N Cookie and thought it was a wonderful idea. Questions raised about his odd hat angled were dodged or given no answer, unusual for the Ancient.

What Y/N Cookie doesn’t know won’t hurt them, right? They would still be close to Pure Vanilla no matter what, right?

Customer: Hollyberry Cookie

Treat Gift: Berry cluster cookies.

Result: Parts of the arms missing, outfit helps to obscure the cracks.

Hollyberry was among the first of the Ancients to give a tasty delight to her very good friend, Y/N Cookie. But just any dessert wouldn’t do for Hollyberry’s liking. It had to mean something, that it truly came from the bottom of her heart. She had an idea…

Y/N Cookie will surely love it…..

They would surely love her….

Customer: Dark Cacao Cookie

Treat Gift: Box of chocolates made from pure cacao.

Result: Missing small extremities such as parts of the hands or legs. Like with Hollyberry, his outfit can cover up the missing portions.

Loyalty, something that is earned and deeply valued to Dark Cacao Cookie. Y/N Cookie’s loyalty to him as an ally means a lot to the king. Dark Cacao Cookie felt like he needed to return the favor to Y/N Cookie, to show how much he valued their relationship.

No length is too great for the sake of those you care about, as he entered the cake shop with the chocolates showed…

Customer: Golden Cheese Cookie

Treat Gift: An array of cheeses with a cheesecake made by Golden Cheese herself.

Result: Portions of the arms and legs missing. Bandages are used to hide the missing parts, excused as just her protecting her dough from getting too stale.

Golden Cheese was never the same after the fall of her kingdom. She held onto anything she held dear, fearing they’ll crumble to dust before her eyes. Y/N Cookie was one major example, she treated them as if she’s known them all her life..and someone she wishes to know for the rest of her life.

She wants to live knowing that a part of her will always remain within Y/N Cookie forever when she floated through that cake shop door…

Customer: White Lily Cookie

Treat Gift: Lily Cobbler.

Result: The loss of the lower arms, part of the waist, and small portions of the head and hair. The cobbler had traces of a powder-like substance emanating from it.

White Lily Cookie cared about Y/N Cookie. She cared about them very much. She feels like they understand her more the average cookie, it’s no surprise why she’ll often seek their company. When she spotted them enjoying a gifted treat one day, she had a wonderful idea on how she wanted to express her feelings to them.

It was quite the extensive process, but she was able to complete her gift. The loss of her parts can grow back, it would all be worth it when Y/N Cookie enjoyed the cobbler, with White Lily knowing that a part of her will always be with Y/N Cookie.

White Lily went further than Golden Cheese though. More than just physical pieces of dessert that will eventually disappear in time. White Lily placed a little more thought into her treat…

Life Powder, what makes up a cookie’s soul…

A part of her will always be with Y/N Cookie…

[fatescaprice]

saving u from mr capitalist with (kind of) gut wrenching ideas from my insane brain but. can you imagine if you get into a heated argument with argenti or jingyuan and they accidentally break one of your gifts for them, it could be a complete accident like maybe accidentally hitting it off the table but how do you think they'll immediately react to it and what would they try to do to remedy the situation?

argenti and jing yuan after an argument

content warnings: none

note: thank u for the brief respite between mr capitalist asks!!! after this i am jumping back into the fray . with the leaks that came out this week i guess i shouldn't have been surprised but i learn something new every day i guess

thank u for this request . i made myself upset . also this is myfirst time writing jy so if he's a little ooc ummmm don't tell me directly im sensitive (JOKE)!!!! anyways. i hope u enjoy :]

The flash of regret in ARGENTI's eyes is both intense and immediate: a stinging shock, like the thorn of a rose piercing his skin. He says time and time again that he would do nothing to forsake you, and yet… Ah, had he grown so blind in his search for Idrila that he forgot the beauty he holds in his arms each night?

He reaches out for you first, as he always does — his gaze searching almost desperately to meet yours, his hand reaching to brush your cheek. Love, please, look at him, he’ll do anything you wish, as long as you just say the word. Believe him when he says he's already long forgotten what you had been arguing about to begin with — Argenti had lost the second he saw the pang of hurt cross your face.

Good words and deeds are normally his strong suit, but seeing the hurt look on your face made him falter, hesitant. He wants to prove himself deserving of you again, he'll say, taking your hands delicately, like glass — so please, tell him what he must do. Shall he fell a great beast? Bring you a pearl from the deepest seas of Thalassa? Now and always, he’s your loyal knight, forever at your beck and call. No task would be too great, no distance too wide — all Argenti wants is to be worthy to wipe away the tears from your cheeks again.

JING YUAN’s regret flows inwards, towards himself — was this behaviour fitting of a general? Was this behaviour worthy of you? He seems almost resigned, contemplative, though in the heat of the moment it comes off more like indifference.

That doesn’t mean he is indifferent, though — the implication that he doesn’t care about you hurts him more than any conceivable mortal words or blades. No, he just thinks it’s better that you both have some space, so neither of you can say anything you might regret. He has far too many of those already, and he doesn’t want you to be another entry on that list.

He’ll little gifts for you, quite like a cat leaving things at your door — an apology, a peace offering, a sign of his devotion. A box of your favourite food from that place you frequent in the Exalting Sanctum, or a piece of jewellery you had mentioned wanting to buy. Jing Yuan knows he can’t win you over with gifts — neither of you are so shallow — but he hopes that when he comes to your door with more than just an apology on his lips, you’ll come to forgive him.

[aothotties]

Telling Suguru you want a baby

You laid in bed with your boyfriend watching a movie with him as this was the first night in weeks you’ve spent together. Work was kicking both of your asses and you barely had time to relax so you took advantage of this moment.

The movie showed a cute family with an adorable little girl and you looked over at Suguru 

“Awe we should have a baby” you said jokingly 

He turned his head and looked at you 

“Seriously?” he asked

“No haha im just kidding” you responded 

You both continued to watch the movie in silence until it was over but little did you know, you little “joke” rang in his head all night 

The thing about Suguru is he loves kids and if it was up to him you’d already have one. He spent the rest of the night thinking about starting a family with you 

The next day he walked up to you while you were getting ready for work and stood next to you looking at you in the mirror 

“What? You asked while trying to hide a smile 

“Throw your birth control  away” he said plainly 

You had no words as you were completely shocked. You didn't even know how to respond to him

“Suguru what-”

He cut you off 

“You heard me, throw it away. I'm ready to have a baby” he said 

“Are you forreal?” you responded 

“Yes,” he said “i've been thinking about what you said last night and honestly it's not a joke to me, i want a baby”

You just stared at him, confused and shocked. You had thought about having kids with him but never though he was ready which is why you were on birth control in the first place 

“Um..okay then” you said as you reached for the medicine cabinet.

You pulled out the pack of pills and tossed them in the trash can. You looked up and saw Suguru with a smile on his face. He kissed you and let you finish getting ready for work.

You spent the whole day at work with the conversation on your mind and you couldn't decide if you were scared or excited. You decided you were going to talk more about it when you got home.

As you pulled in the driveway you let out a big sigh and headed in the house 

When you walked in all the lights were out, which was odd but figured he may just be asleep. You headed toward your bedroom but you noticed flower petals on the floor.

You followed the petals all the way into the bedroom and opened the door to a surprise. The room and bed were covered in flower petals, there were candles lit and a bottle of champagne and two glasses on the bed. You looked all over for Suguru but couldn't find him 

You saw a note on the bed that said 

“Take a bath and put on the new lingerie I got you that's in the bathroom. I love you, see you soon”

You smiled and headed to the bathroom to wash up. After the hot bath you slipped on the red lingerie that laid on the counter and admired your body for a minute then you walked back out into the bedroom to see him lying on the bed in a pair of red silk boxers that matched the lingerie you had on.

“Glad you're off work, Hun” he said in a low tone as he patted the spot on the bed next to him

“Sugu, what's all of this” you asked as you crawled next to him 

“Oh nothing” he said “just wanted tonight to be special”

“For what” you asked 

“I'm going to get you pregnant tonight”

You almost choked on your spit

“Suguru..i mean i only missed today's dose i probably can't get pregnant now it might take a while for the medicine to leave my system i-”

He lifted his hand in the air to stop your rant 

“ i'm going to try today, tomorrow, and everyday after that until you're carrying my baby”

You were stunned and had nothing to say in response. You were so caught off guard but you knew he meant every word 

You looked over at him and he pulled out a little box

“Marry me, Y/N. and have all my babies and spend the rest of forever with me” he said as he pulled the ring out  

Tears welled up in your eyes as he slipped the ring on your finger. You leaned over to give him a kiss 

“Of course i'll marry you, Suguru” you said as you tried to pull away 

He grabbed the back of you neck and pulled you back in. he deepened the kiss and slipped his tongue in your mouth

As you kissed you crawled over on top of him as he laid back on the bed.

You began grinding on top of him feeling him harden in the silk boxers he was wearing 

He groaned into your mouth from the sensation and you moaned from the small friction on your cunt. You continued to rock your hips on top of him and his hands made their way to your plump ass giving them a squeeze

He flipped you over so that he was now on top and continued kissing you passionately. His hands roamed over your body and you felt yourself get hot from the excitement 

His thumbs hooked under the lace thong you had and and he slid them down your thighs. He positioned his face right in front of you now throbbing cunt 

He dipped his head down and placed a soft kiss on your swollen bud. You hands made their way to his long hair

“Sugu-mm” you whined 

He started sucking on your clit and your back arched off the bed. He began lapping at your cunt, wet squelching noise ringing like music to his ears 

“Tastes so good, sweetheart” he said as he continued lapping at your cunt 

You felt that familiar feeling pooling in your gut. The way he was licking and sucking on you had you on a high, you gripped his hair and closed your eyes as your hips bucked against his face 

He slipped a finger inside you and started rubbing at your g-spot 

Your legs shook and your orgasm broke causing you to squirt on his face. He licked up every drop and came back up to kiss you again

You tasted your own sweetness on his tongue and moaned. You unclipped your bra, fully exposing yourself to your now fiance.

“It's like looking at a goddess,” he said as his eyes scanned your whole body.

He stood up and removed his boxers. He crawled in between your legs and lined himself up to your soaked hole. He used his tip to slide up and down your folds before sliding just the tip in 

He threw his head back from how good it felt and sunk himself inside you. His hips started moving back and forth causing him to slide in and out rubbing on that sensitive g-spot 

He took his time with you, enjoying every inch of your gummy walls squeezing around him.

“You're perfect for me, princess” he said as his tip brushed your cervix.

You tried to say something in response but all you could do was moan his name over and over. You started to beg him to speed up but he refused wanting to enjoy your body all night 

Sweat formed on his forehead as he continued rocking his hips into you. You felt another orgasm forming and gripped onto his back leaving marks. He was groaning in your ear saying your name and whimpering from how good it felt to be inside you 

He was in heaven, tears started forming in his eyes from how good this felt 

You wrapped your legs around his torso trapping him in. he continued fucking you slowly with sweat and tears running down his face 

“This feels so good baby. I love you” he said 

“I love you too Suguru” you whined in response 

He took your legs and put them on his shoulders the new angle causing him to reach deeper 

You were over the edge and you orgasm spilled out and you felt his grip your thighs from how hard you were spasming around his dick 

He pulled out for a second to catch his breath but before you could whine from the loss of pleasure he sunk into you again still fucking you at a slow pace 

This went on for hours, Suguru never sped up and continued to fuck you slowly 

You were whining and crying under him from your multiple orgasms 

You felt his dick twitch inside you and he groaned 

“Gonna cum inside princess, gonna -fuck- give you a baby” he groaned 

And after a few more pumps you felt your womb fill with his seed

He didn't pull out and stayed inside until he was empty. He was covered in sweat and his cheeks were red 

He finally slipped out and laid next to you. You looked over at him with a smile on your face 

“ i'm so ready to do this with you” you said 

“I know baby, me too” he responded

6 months later

You were in a room surrounded by your friends and family as they got you ready for your wedding

Your mom helped you slip on your white dress. You were so nervous your palms were sweaty 

You walked over to the mirror to see how you looked and cried once you saw yourself. You were worried if you'd look bad being 4 months pregnant in a wedding dress but were stunned at how beautiful you looked 

“y/n oh my god- you're gorgeous” you heard your best friend say behind you 

“Really” you said in response 

“Really. Suguru is so lucky to be marrying you and have you carrying his son” he said as she walked over to pull you into a hug 

You finished getting ready then went to stand at the doors, ready to marry the man you loved and start a life with him and your new baby 

Rachel

[gamblersdoll]

Genya accidentally cumming on your face as you give him a handjob

your hand slicks up and down, a repetitive motion within itself, you say. the slick from genya’s pre dripping down and becoming a lube for you, your wrist flicking up and down.

meanwhile, you kiss genyas’ thigh, a reminder for him that its okay be be sensitive, its okay for him to let go and feel good when he’s feeling it— a reminder for him that only you can make him feel this good. its not like he would seek more, but, he loved how your tugs to his cock were somewhat possessive. it made him so tight, feeling his balls clench when he tried to look away. ( but your eyes always followed him, a nervous whine from him always )

his moans just spill from his throat, a way of him telling you how good he felt, how sexy you were when you were between his thighs and licking his sack as you jerked him.. it did things for him. and your lidded eyes did nothing more than make him feel queasy in his stomach, his legs shook from anxiety and pleasure.

his hand finds itself on your wrist, you giggling and telling him ‘let mama help you cum, okay?’ and he nods, fat bubbles of tears in the corner of his eyes when he pants out against the couch.

and it all hits him— only two minutes? from a goddamn handjob? he feels embarrassed after the waves of pleasure leave him, god he was pathetic. how could he last only for two minutes? he hates that, how much faster he crumbles in your hands and it takes him forever to come in his—

“oh my god, im so sorry!” he rushes, scrambling to find his shirt or just a towel next to him to get the semen off of your face, and hopefully none was in your eye. “im sorry, oh god—“

“its okay.. do you have any eye drops though?” you ask, wincing slightly and one eye remains open, watching your boyfriend struggle to find an unopened box and giving them to you. “thank you, baby— dont feel bad for this.”

“first i came so fast, now i got it on your face and eyes… how can you deal with me?” he pouts and sighs, putting his head in his hands.

“because i love ya, dummy.” you say dumbfounded, patting his head while you bump his hands with your hip. “its nothing we havent done before.”

he nods, wrapping his arms around your hips and sighs. “still sorry.. i love you, bugga.”

[sluts4matt]

SECRET (part two)

pairing: nate doe x sls!erika sturniolo

summary: she had hidden her feelings away for years, but with growing up and toxic relationships it was all starting to resurface.

warnings: making out(sorta), use of weed and alcohol, slight swearing

word count: 1388

authors note: it’s a slow build up y’all but i swear it’ll be good 🙈 read part one here

the bell rang signaling the end of class, everyone got up from their seats ready to leave the library.

"how long do we have to work on this?" nate asked, looking down at me slightly as he stood from the chair. "a week or two i think," i respond, shrugging my shoulders standing up to be eye level with him.

"can i come over tonight and we can start?" he asked, his blue eyes staring into mine. "of course," i responded, and his lips tugged into a grin.

"bye eri," he smiled, his hand resting on my shoulder before he walked away. the nickname was new, but still, pink flew to my cheeks.

"bye bye," i mumble, watching him walk towards the guys locker rooms. i met nick at his locker, "is mom here yet?" i ask, watching him look down at his phone.

"she texted saying five minutes ten minutes ago, so not yet," he stated, closing his locker. mom was picking us up since matt and chris had lacrosse practice today.

"nate's coming over tonight, by the way" i say, giving him a headsup as we walked towards the double doors that led outside. "why?" he asks, though he didn't mind since nate was his best friend.

"class project," i responded, and he nodded.

mom picked us up a minute or two later, pulling up to the curb. i sat in the front while nick sat in the back.

"how was school?" she asked, looking at us before looking back forward and pulling out of the school.

"fine," the two of us answered, and we both went silent. she smiled, continuing the drive.

as soon as we got home, the two of us were in our own worlds, not bothering to pay attention to anyone. i was sat on my bed, blackbear playing softly while i worked on homework for what seemed like forever.

there was a knock at my door, and i looked up. "come in," i stated, watching the door open and chris peak his head in.

"hey," he smiled, walking into the room, nate trailing behind him. "how was practice?" i ask, turning back to the math homework currently sprawled out on my desk.

"it was good," he smiled, his eyes drifting over to the tv that sat in the corner of my room, my spotify app currently displayed on it. "exhausting though," chris added.

"i bet," i replied, nodding my head. "how was school?" he asked, and i turned to look at him. "boring," i replied, and a laugh escaped his lips. "nates spending the night by the way," chris stated, making my head shoot up.

it wasn't like it wasn't normal for him too, it was just normally it was talked about with me too, to make sure it was okay. "that's fine, we have a project to work on anyways." i smile.

nate nods his head, humming in agreement. the two leave after that, closing the door behind them. i let out a sigh, the butterflies erupting once again.

an hour later nate was back in my bedroom, the two of us working on the project finishing the introduction in a little under an hour. we were sitting on the floor, papers scattered around. nate leaned against my bed, while i sat on my knees opposite of him.

"im bored," nate whined, dropping the pen he was holding onto the floor. "poor baby," i pout, a joking tone in my voice.

"do you have any alcohol?" he asked, his voice teasing. my eyes widened slightly, faking hurt as i put my hand over my heart. "what do i look like to you, an alcoholic?" i state, though i'm already standing.

he laughs, shrugging his shoulders. "sometimes," he says, watching me manuver around my bed, sliding it off the box spring slightly to reveal my stash.

i had cut a hole big enough to hide my things, knowing it was a decent hiding spot for my alcohol and weed. the raspberry smirnoff laid neatly on its back, while a black box with hello kitty and anime stickers covering it held my weed.

"alcohol or weed?" i ask, turning around. "both," he stated, and i laughed, grabbing the two bending over to set them on the floor before locking my door.

"you're a bad influence," nate teased, a smile gracing his face as he sat up. "you asked for it," i shrug, opening the bottle. i tilted my head back, drinking from it before setting it down with a grimace.

"my turn," nate mumbled, picking up the bottle and drinking it, he to made a face causing me to giggle. i opened the box, grabbing a pre-roll and a blue lighter.

i put the joint to my lips, lighting the end before inhaling the smoke. i passed him the joint, standing back up. the way his eyes followed me made me feel like folding but i held it together walking over to my window to crack it.

the smoke was filling the room quickly, the two of us being light smokers. we were already feeling it, our vision hazy and our minds a little foggy. the music playing from the tv was loud, not to loud though, the bass making the room vibrate lightly. or maybe it was the mixture of alcohol and weed.

we were laughing, the room filled with the smell of smoke and the strong scent of alcohol.

"your hair is so fucking soft," nate said, running his fingers through my hair. "it's the product i use," i giggle, taking another sip of the raspberry alcohol.

nate was sitting on the ground, his back pressed up against my bed frame while i was sitting in between his legs. i was facing him, my hands playing with the fabric of his sweater.

"what is this? cashmere?" i tease, tugging on the black fabric. "polyester i think," he said, slightly joking. i giggled, the room spinning a bit. his blue eyes stared into mine, his fingers brushing through my hair. i couldn't stop staring at his lips, wanting to kiss him.

"can i tell you a secret?" nate asked, his fingers now moving from my hair to rest on my cheek. "yeah," i responded, my eyes locked on his. "i want to kiss you so bad right now," nate mumbled, his face close to mine. "so do it," i whisper, my gaze shifting from his eyes to his lips.

i leaned in, pressing my lips against his softly, his hand resting on my jaw and tilting his head slightly. the kiss was slow, the two of us savoring it. nates hand drifted to the back of my neck, pulling me closer.

"open the door erika," i heard my moms voice, causing us to pull apart. she didn't sound angry but she definitely didn't sound pleased which caused my eyes to widen. we had been caught. "fuck, fuck, fuck," i mumble, getting up, "one minute," i call out, looking at nate who had gotten up from the floor.

he was smiling, his hair a mess and his lips slightly red. i walked over to the window, sliding it closed before locking it. i opened the closet, quickly grabbing the contents on my floor and stashing them there for the time being.

"fuck, get in my bed and lay down," i whispered, pushing nate over to the bed, causing him to giggle.

i opened the door, looking at my mom who stood in the doorway with a frown on her face. "mom," i smiled, the alcohol and weed having a stronger effect on me then i thought.

"it smells like pot in here," she immediately stated, crossing her arms. one thing about my mom was she was very laid back, it took quite a bit to actually upset her.

therefore seeing the frown, the displeased look in her eyes, and her arms crossed, i knew i had messed up. "nathan, you need to either go home or go hang out with the boys, that's why you're here." she said, her tone firm.

"im sorry," nate apologized, looking down at his feet. "i'm glad, i'm gonna go call your mom." she sighed, turning away. nate grabbed his things, mumbling a 'bye' before joining chris in his room, the affects of the alcohol and weed still having an effect, just not as much now.

i decided it would be best if i went to sleep, so that's precisely what i did. or what i tried to do. my mind was plagued with nate and the way his lips felt against mine. how his fingers brushed through my hair, the way his eyes looked into mine.

i didn't sleep until 2am, the thoughts of him running through my mind, keeping me awake.

tag list:

@hysteria-things @tillies33ssss @soimightlikeoldmen69 @sturniolossss @freshsturns @etvar12 @sstvrnioloo @junnniiieee07 @sturnioloa @chrryclouds @sturniolho @sturniolowhore @imwetforyourmom @novasturniolo03 @spencerstits @junovrsmp4 @breeloveschris @skyslondon @stars4chratt @monkeyscientist22 @sophssturn @hearts4chris @l5ka

[mxqdii]

WHERE IS PART THREE

IM LITTERALY DYING TI READ WHAT HAPPENS NEXTTTTTTY

also I have a request

so reader is dating Sam or Colby (you pick❤️). Reader is alone at a haunted location with just Sam or just Colby (does this make sense?) say it was Sam, they are just the two of them and say there were trespassers and they were threatening the two and reader has a panic attack and Sam defend them (Sam or Colby) and calm reader down on the way home.

is that doable?

when part three comes can you tag my other acc

@anythingsamandcolby

take my breath away - c.b

pairings: colby brock x reader

summary: a day with the boys doesn't go as expected

warning(s): panic attacks, mention of ghosts (??) idk.

a/n: so i see u said just the two of them, but i only realized after i finished writing it... i'm sorry! i hope this is still okay 😭

not proofread

"are you guys sure this is a good idea?" i say as me, sam and colby enter the gate

"too late now! unlocking that gate took forever" sam says, walking ahead

"we're all gonna die" i mumble sarcastically, scoffing at the boys skipping together joyfully

we decided not to vlog this one, since, well..

we're trespassing.

it's okay though! atleast that's what the boys told me (and what i'm telling myself)

"hey, you okay?" colby, my boyfriend, asks.

"yeah i'm fine, just worried about being shot by a police officer" i say, giving him a look

"calm down, we'll be fine!" he speaks over confidently

"whatever you say" i groan

"woah! guys this place is so cool, let's use the spirit box here" sam yells from ahead, taking off his backpack and grabbing the box

we all listen, hearing a few random meaningless words, until...

my phone starts buzzing, which makes us all jump

"sorry, my alarm- it's midnight if anyone cares" i say, signaling for us to get out of here

"leave" the spirit box says

"yes please- wait was that the box?" i mumble

"trespassing" the box says

"run"

"guys i don't like this.." i mumble, reaching over to grab colby, looking over realizing he's nowhere to be found

"g-guys?" i say, realizing i've been left alone with only the spirit box

"guys this isn't funny. you got me okay? i'm scared." i yell into the distance, hoping to be met with colby's voice or sams laughter

but i don't hear that, instead something worse

the bushes besides me start rustling, and i feel tears brim my eyes

"h-hello?" i almost whisper

this is too much. i wanna go home.

my legs start moving before i can think and i run back to the car, hoping to find sam and colby there, but no.

i realize, i don't have the keys, leaving me in the dark parking lot surrounded by woods, alone.

okay, it's fine, i'm fine, i'll call them.

NO SERVICE

this is when i start freaking out, because what am i supposed to do now??

the only thing i can think to do, cry.

i let myself lean against the locked car door, eventually curling into a ball on the floor

i'm currently a sobbing mess at midnight, alone and cold.

the more i'm sat here with my thoughts, the harder it gets to breathe, causing me to panic.

i try to calm my breathing but can't, colby always helped me with panic attacks, i need colby.

i don't know how much time passed, but eventually, i felt hands on my shoulders and looked up to see colby

thank god.

"colby-" i try to say more but the words get caught in my throat

"shh, baby it's okay. breathe for me okay?" he says

he sits down to my level, pulling me into his lap

"i'm so sorry. we thought it'd be funny to hide but we got lost, i'm so sorry baby that wasn't funny, i know." he hushes my cries, helping me with my breathing along the way

his hands stroking my hair and his smooth rhythm of breaths calm me down,.

(even though his heart is racing)

i snap out of my panic, looking up at him.

i shove my fist into his chest, not hard enough to hurt bad

(as if you could)

"ow!" he says, almost out of instict

"never do that again" i huff

"never again." he repeats back to me, kissing my forehead.

TAGLIST:

@opheliaofficial07 @stargirlv0id @strniolo @annaisabookworm @theperson-nextdoor @its-jennarose @thetriplets3 @anythingsamandcolby

[ugotcooneycrossed]

if i find you in this lifetime (it better be the right time)

alessia russo x reader

w/c: ~1.8k

part 3 of 'what can i do'

pt1: what can i do / pt2: so you feel it too?

a/n: girlie pop decided to break hearts so im mending them- enjoy😭

------------------------------------------------------------

Watching her leave hurts- it’s a deep aching that settles low in your stomach and pushes up into your chest and you suddenly feel ill- like you can’t breathe without her here.

The thought that you’ve lost Alessia forever- your person- your sun, stars, and moon- your world. It’s enough to send a wave of nausea all over you again.

It’s not her leaving that hurts, no- what hurts more, is the silence that comes after- it’s radio silent between you two for a while.

In all your time knowing her, you’ve never not talked to each other- whether it be a quick good morning text, or a long conversation during nights before games, where you’re both too nervous to sleep. You always talk.

But now? Now, you’re too afraid to text her to ask if she’s okay, or that you’re sorry and you wish you could take it all back, that you never should have said anything. Because you would rather keep on lying than tell her the truth.

You give her the time she asks for- you wait for her to text you first. She doesn’t though.

Not a single call, text, voice memo- hell, you’d take a letter in the mail at this point- but nothing ever comes.

Suddenly it feels like you’re thirteen again- just having confessed to your best friend you found girls pretty- and then experiencing the most soul shattering heartbreak a thirteen-year-old can feel.

This time though- it feels about ten times as worse.

Knowing she had loved you too- knowing that she was just waiting for you to say something.

You wish you would’ve said something sooner- or nothing at all, you don’t know anymore.

You can’t think. You can’t feel- without her.

When you think of Alessia you’re reminded of home- it’s the only way you can explain it.

The way her smile send a wave a warmth through your body- till you feel your heart swells with love.

The way her touch causes your skin to heat up- goose-bumps trailing after her fingertips.

Maybe it's the way Alessia always seems to catch your eye in a crowded room. Maybe, it's the way she always personally seeks you out in a crowd. Maybe even, it's the way she gently links your arms together- no matter where, or how far you're walking.

Maybe it's just her.

Something about her makes you crazy- it makes your heart beat a thousand times faster, and stop in your chest all at the same time.

She’s your everything.

You can only hope that you’re hers too

She’s your everything.

And now you have nothing.

-

Your saving grace comes in the form of Ella- and not Leah and it leaves you confused, if not a bit hopeful.

I mean if her best friend’s coming to speak to you, it might be something good.

“Hey (y/n).”

Ella on her part- doesn’t let any emotions show, her voice is even and she looks at her feet when she speaks.

“Um hey Ella. How’s-“

“She’s fine. Can I come in?”

You step aside to let her in- looking behind her, craning your neck in hopes that Alessia just might be lurking somewhere behind her.

She’s not.

“Look- I just came here to tell you that she’s fine, she just needs more time.”

“More time? I mean, how much more are we talking, I feel like I’m drowning here Tooney.”

“How do you think she feels?” 

You swallow down the lump in your throat- stepping away from the other girl. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest and you want to curl up and scream.

“Right.”

It’s the only word you can muster, and you whisper it- looking down at the ground to avoid Ella’s eyes.

Ella looks around your apartment and suddenly you feel insecure- there’s tissues scattered everywhere and probably a concerning amount of take out boxes piled in the kitchen.

“Just some advice yeah? Talk to her- well, let her talk first, but just talk to her. I shouldn’t really be saying anything but, she loves you, and I know you love her too.”

“Thanks, Tooney.”

 “Yeah of course.”

Ella nods her head at you, and shuffles closer to your front door- she keeps her hand on the handle and you watch an internal battle play out on her face.

“Maybe give her a call?”

Ella leaves after that.

You’re left alone in your apartment once again- but instead of a deep heart ache that settles in your chest, it’s a glimmer of hope.

-

You don’t call Alessia- you put off the task for a while, still too nervous to even look at her caller ID without panicking.

Instead, you focus on cleaning your apartment- getting rid of the tissues and take away boxes, you’re just glad Tooney couldn’t see in your fridge, if she did, she would’ve seen the extra dessert you ordered Alessia- her favourite from the place you always order from when she comes ‘round.

You know- just in case.

The sun has long gone down by the time you’re done cleaning and you settle into bed after- only now looking at your phone.

Missed Call from ‘lessi love’

Your heart sinks in your chest and you drop your phone in your panic to call her back. All this time waiting for anything and you miss her call by three minutes. Idiot! You open the phone app and your finger hovers over the call button- should you? What if she’s mad, you missed her call?

In your time spiralling over what to do. You get a text from her shortly after.

lessi love to ‘You’

-> hey- I know you’re probably busy and want nothing to do with me anymore, but I’d really like to talk

You to ‘lessi love’

-> lessi I would love to talk

lessi love to ‘You’

-> mine? tomorrow?

You to ‘lessi love’

-> i’ll be there

-

You’re scared of a lot of things in this life.

Spiders.

Snakes.

Birds flying at you when you walk under trees.

And the one girl you’ve truly loved in this world not loving you back.

You’ve had some pretty tough days- and Alessia, has stuck by your side through them all.

She’s been there when you were at your lowest- she’s been there even on the worst kind of days.

The worst day though? Was watching her walk out of your apartment crying.

A million scenarios ran through your head- but her leaving? It never crossed your mind.  

Because how dare you love her- the way she deserves to be loved.

It sounds ridiculous to be so enthralled by someone- so hypnotised by just one person.

You know.

You’ve come to terms with it now though- even if Alessia decides she doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

You’d be okay with that.

You have had the time of your life with her, and you cannot possibly wait your whole life for her- no matter how tempting that sounds.

 -

You feel like a creep- pacing outside Alessia’s apartment, you wipe your hands nervously on your pants and smooth your hair out over again and again.

You must look like a complete and utter fool right now.

The door swings open and you stumble over your feet to stand still.

Alessia looks- well, she looks tired, she’s got bags under her eyes and when she speaks, her voice is hoarse.

“Hey (y/n).”

“Hi Lessi.”

You whisper- eyes softening and face warming up again.

Your resolve to ‘play it cool’ disappears and your chest fills with anxiety again.

You both stand apart from each other- just staring at one another.

Alessia raises her arms up and takes a small step forward.

“Can I have a hug? Please?”

Alessia’s voice cracks and she sounds like she wants to cry again- you must take a while to respond because you watch her face fall, and arms slowly drop again.

Before you can think you dive towards the other girl- arms slotting right under her arms and gripping her shoulders. Her strong arms find their home on you, and she wraps her arms around you.

You both stand in her doorway- just hugging, holding each other so tight.

“I missed you so, so much.”

Alessia whispers into you, and you feel tears wet your neck- you sniffle, tears now rolling down your face too.

“I missed you too­- so, so much, I was going crazy without you.”

“We should probably go inside.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of you make a move to leave and it sends Alessia giggling.

You smile- missing her laugh.

“Okay seriously- let’s go inside.”

Alessia pulls out of the hug first- grabbing your hand instinctively and leading you inside. She pulls you gently to her couch and pushes you down to sit.

Alessia sits tentatively next to you.

A thick silence falls between you and you suck in a breath.

“I-“

You laugh again- both trying to speak at the same time.

“Let me go first- please.”

You nod at her, closing your eyes.

“Look- I’m sorry I completely ignored you for a week. I just- I really needed to think. (y/n)- I think, I think I have always loved you, it just took me a while to get it. And when I did I was scared- like so, so scared. I never wanted to lose you. So, I just pretended. And waited, and waited for you to say something- but you never did. I waited for your love- but the more I waited, the more unattainable you seemed. I tried to forget about you I swear- I love you so much and I never wanted to lose you. I’d rather be just your friend than anything else.”

You reach out to hold her hand- and she gladly accepts.

“Less- I have loved you since the moment I met you, you’re the most important person in my life. I thought you were happy with him- so I never wanted to ruin that for you. I’m in love with everything about you. This week has been the worst week of my life. I never want to go without you again. You’re my everything, I have never loved anyone the way I love you­- I don’t want us to just be friends.”

You’re panting now- chest heaving.

Alessia smiles at you and links your pinkies together.

“You’re my person too- you’re the only one who understands.”

“Does this make us girlfriends?”

“I hope you’re going to ask me properly (y/n).”

“Right. Alessia Russo, will you be my girlfriend?”

You make a dramatic show of getting down on one knee and holding her hand- one hand over your heart, smiling like a lunatic.

“Of course, you weirdo.”

-

“I kind of want desert- you know, from that place I like.”

“Umm we should go back to mine then- I missed you so much that I ordered one every night- in case you’d show up, there’s still one in the fridge.”

[moonshynecybin]

hmmm idk if this is anything, but rosquez as romcom co stars that keep getting cast together even though they hateee each other but the chemistry is too good?

this is fun because like. it keeps some of my favorite little rosquez saw traps and wraps them up for me like a little treat. forced proximity public pda and EXTREME media scrutiny kind of their bread and butter tbh. make them crazy make them kiss im watching like tashi in the hotel scene in challengers

like marc as a young tom cruise esque (sorry. SORRY. im sorryyyyy) action star who does all of his own stunts loves the physicality of acting loves getting to pretend to do crazy stuff and be a HEROOOO but still kind of plays the same exact character every time. BIG smile always standing on apple boxes to make himself seem taller as he attempts to generate chemistry with whatever actress is his badly written love interest of the day (marc would be SO good in the mission impossible movies im sorry he WOULD be like. can i parachute off of a motorcycle into a ravine please please please youre NOTHING. santi is his extremely stressed stunt coordinator. lmao.) versus vale who came up doing indie movies as a teen in the 90s (his lil face would DOMINATE gay cinephile gifset tumblr) before launching himself to super stardom with a string of successful comedies and sort of settling into that because its easy... secretly frustrated no one will let him bust out his drama chops... BIG chip on his shoulder here a la leaving honda for yamaha etc

so eventually both of them are getting a little tired of being pigeon holed. and decide 2 book a serious ass gay romantic drama. they are tired of being hailed as the kings of fiction for the masses and they want to win at acting!! they get into the chemistry read (marc is still pretty young i think) and its. insane. INSTANT. james dean and marlon brando levels of ARE YOU TWO FUCKING?? but they literally just met. and marc has been a fan of vale's forever but not just the comedies also his earlier dramatic stuff (apocalyptic little gay crush) and they have similar taste in movies and vale is sooooo funny and it is OFF to the races. like. i cannot emphasize this enough they are fucking the WHOLE time. every scene in this movie its just leaping off the screen... they go in to film and its like that BTS clip of the americans where the director was having matthew rhys and keri russell do a sex scene and theyre suspiciously comfortable pretending to 69 and he turns to his assistant and just goes. oh yeah these guys have fucked. they are wayyyy to comfy hitching the other's pussy into their face lmao. just fucking going for it. the director is like hey guys. can you tone it down a little. marc biggggg smile okayyyyyy :3

and the movie comes out and they attend the premiere all smiley and bouncy and feeling really good about the project and then, theyy watch it. and its like. uh oh! not a lot of acting happening there ! um. best performance of either of their careers and they both look at it an can identify all the points they werent acting like evil little signal flares.... and vale shuts marc out HARD yadayadayada the Usual Rosquez Breakup Ensues.... until they both get cast in a revival of the brokeback mountain stage play and shit pops off in the most nuclear explosion of horny heartbreak to ever hit the STAGE…

[carniferous]

okay hello i’ve come to offer a vague concept ❤️🤲 the first thing that came into my mind is like being in a car. and something being wrong w the car. which sounds so stupid but is hopefully vague enough?? also idk if i’m meant to specify a ship but (and you probs already know what i’m gonna say) ur bartylus genuinely changed my life and it’s always on my mind and im obsessed w it forever and ever and would die if you ever wrote them again (but also like. no pressure. i don’t wanna try and tie you down to one specific pathway) ANYWAY i hope this is vague enough but also not too vague that you’re just staring at me blankly rn… icl babe u really didn’t set any parameters so i’m kinda trying to spear fish in the dark here but im gonna stop talking now…. eagerly (but patiently!!) awaiting ur response <33

LMAO NOOO thank you so much this is exactly the level of vagueness i wanted!!! i simply need to let things cook in my beautiful mind palace before i can write + vague concepts work best for that

anyway i tried to do it justice for u. it's more barty character study than bartylus sorry but. also it's compeltely unedited!! do with that what you will xoxo

“I knew it,” Regulus murmured, a hand coming up to cover his eyes. He was slumped down in his seat, the lines of his face stark in the pale moonlight. The motorway stretched out empty and endless before them. 

Barty clenched his jaw and turned the key in the ignition once more. The engine sputtered loudly, just enough to give him some small shred of hope, before it promptly died for the fifth time. 

“Dammit,” he hissed, thumping his hand against the steering wheel. He turned to Regulus, “What?”

Regulus lowered his hand and glared fiercely. “I knew I was going to die in this metal box the moment you persuaded me to get in.”

“And yet, you still let me persuade you.”

“Barty.”

“What?” Barty grinned. “You’re not going to die, Regulus. Cars are only dangerous when they’re moving.”

Regulus scoffed. He looked about five minutes away from having a conniption—which meant that Barty had about three minutes of continuing to fuck with him before he got properly angry. His hands were clenched in the fabric of his trousers, and when he turned his face towards the window, Barty could glimpse the deep shadows under his eyes as they appeared under the light. 

He felt his heart soften, just a tad. 

“I have a plan,” Barty said.

Regulus rolled his eyes so far back that they disappeared into his skull: “Oh, joy. Another plan.”

“They’ve gotten us this far, haven’t they?” 

“Yes, stranded on the side of the road with you,” muttered Regulus. “Exactly where I want all my plans to lead me.”

At that, Barty felt a strange, wild sort of affection swell up within him. He wanted to lean over and bite the nape of Regulus’s neck hard enough to draw blood, wanted to crowd him against the door until all that bluster and exasperation fell away. But there would be time for that.

“Don’t you want to hear my plan?”

“No,” Regulus said sullenly. “I want—”

He stopped. Barty’s grin abruptly fell away. He reached over and cradled the back of Regulus’s head, firmly enough that he had no choice but to face him. Regulus kept his eyes downcast, an unhappy twist to his mouth, a sickly tinge to his face that the low light couldn’t hide. 

“Hey,” Barty said, and he curled his hand into a fist in Regulus’s hair. “Look at me.”

Regulus’s gaze flickered up.

He was a living bruise, a walking heartache. Two weeks ago, Barty had looked at him as they packed their things for the end of term, and he’d known that Regulus wouldn’t survive another summer in that house—not as himself, anyway. He knew it the way Sirius must have, before he left, and he understood. Better than he’d like to admit. Sometimes it was easier to pack your bags than to watch someone like Regulus tread water and insist that they weren’t moments away from sinking. 

In that respect, though, Barty was different. He didn’t care what Regulus wanted. He wasn’t going to leave him to drown. 

Besides. Barty was fed up, himself.

When he spoke, his voice was low and steady, and Regulus listened with wide, unblinking eyes: “We’re not going home. Do you understand? There’s nothing back there. Nothing. Forget it, Regulus.”

A beat of silence. Barty’s grip loosened, he made to pull back, and then—

“What about your mother?” Regulus asked with a horrible little glint in his gaze. 

“What about her?” Barty replied without missing a beat.

Regulus blinked. Barty almost laughed at him. Could have, at the idea that Regulus thought he’d trapped him with that. His mother, who’d wanted Berty out of that house perhaps even more than he himself did. Regulus could never understand that.

What he could understand, though, was the terrifying, exhilarating sensation of freedom. Of the surprising vastness of your own mind when it was vacant of everyone but yourself. Of sitting in a car stranded on the side of the road and becoming aware of your own mortality. Death was suddenly an end to something real and full of potential. 

After what felt like an eternity, Regulus asked, “What’s your plan?”

“I turn seventeen in five hours,” Barty said. “Once midnight hits, the Trace will disappear. I’ll fix the car then.”

“You don’t know how to fix it.”

“At least I know it’s called a car and not a ‘metal box.’”

“You want us to spend five hours in this thing?” Regulus said, as though catching up with his own disbelief.

“Technically, seven hours,” said Barty. “We still have to make it to Bath. And then, once we pick up the twins…”

“What?”

“I don’t know,” Barty shrugged—a loose, slouching thing. He noticed Regulus’s eyes track the motion with nothing short of predatory glee. “Orgy in the metal box?”

“I hate you.”

“You love me,” Barry cajoled, grinning from ear to ear. “Why else would you run away with me?”

There was a long moment of silence, in which Regulus gazed, baleful and petulant, out at the road in front of them and Barty gazed at him. Already, he was more animated, more tetchy, more acerbic than he’d been just days ago. The cobwebs slowly clearing from his eyes.

Sometimes, Barty recognized Regulus like the slant of himself in a shard of glass. But other times, Regulus was just very beautiful. Barty wondered if there an element of vanity in wanting him, to the prideful joy he got out of fucking him out of his own head. The idea that he could press Regulus down hard enough to mold him back into himself. 

On very rare occasions, he wondered if he was like his father. If the only love he knew was what he learned from the voice in his head as it puppeted his limbs about. If that presence was more himself than he was. A normal person would look at it with revulsion, would see complete and total control as a firsthand abomination.

But it was because Barty knew the abomination firsthand that he knew also the complete, total, clean satisfaction of such control.

“You were hardly the first to ask,” Regulus said mildly.

Even in the darkness, Barty could see the flush travel down his neck. He grinned and, without another word, reached over and unhooked Regulus’s seatbelt.

“I didn’t ask,” he replied, just as mild.

[monstermoviedean]

hey im so sorry to just pop in here but i have been LIVING for your s14 takes!!! the precise way you've been deconstructing sam's treatment of dean and how that arc in general leaves dean's feelings and needs so deeply unaddressed is so important to me. i guess i just wanted to talk about one thing that really devastates me in 14.12. twice sam is like let me talk about, in detail, what being in the ma'lak box will be like.

first he says, "We know we could die, uh, doing what we do. It’s always a possibility. But what you’re talking about is far worse than death. Michael’s an archangel. He could literally keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever." and then later, talking about Donatello (but clearly meaning it's also about Dean), he says, "Trapped. Trapped in his own body, somewhere between life and death. It’s just tough to think about somebody going through that."

and both times he says this as though dean hasn't thought about that? or like as though he can scare him into not going through with it? Dean pushes back both times at first saying he never said he wasn't scared. and the second time, after Dean says not to think about it and Sam says that's easy for Dean to say, Dean says it's NOT!!!

idk those parts just crush me so much. cause of course dean is terrified out of his mind at this choice he feels like he has to make. of course the psychological weight is pounding down on him. and yet sam just keeps prodding at that fear and those feelings as though... somehow dean isn't feeling them??? or he can scare dean out of doing the right thing????

sorry to just yap at u but im just so excited to see people talking about these eps this way!!!

no apology necessary!!! omg i love asks like this. thank you!!! and thank you for being so so kind :') (also i love your spreadsheet so so so much thank you for that too!)

i'm glad i'm not too far off the mark with season 14. i think part of it is that i am approaching it for the first time, for better or worse. it's interesting because i have the basic summary that i've picked up from tumblr in my head, and i keep noticing what events i don't really see people talk about. they feel to me like missing puzzle pieces slotting into place to form my understanding. knowing how s14 ends...i can see how we're getting there. i can see how dean is getting there. (i'm not going to make a judgment on dean's behavior until i actually see it, but i see what looks like a breadcrumb trail!)

the first bit of dialogue you cite - i can't get over the fact that this is the sequence of events: dean has a nightmare -> sam asks if he wants to talk about it -> dean says no -> sam keeps talking anyway. it's not just that he launches into horrifying detail, it's that he does it after dean has very clearly said he doesn't want to talk about it.

and the bit about donatello happens because dean reaches out! dean extends an olive branch and asks if sam is alright, and sam uses that opportunity to make this pointed comment about how hard it is for sam to think about that happening to somebody. again, dean has said he doesn't want to be talked out of this. he wants to be allowed to talk about it on his terms (ie, his "deathbed apology" to sam), but sam shuts that shit right down. if sam wants to talk, sam is going to talk, regardless of what dean wants.

and that is what i find so frustrating. that sam is prioritizing his own wants and needs, that he will do and say whatever he wants, regardless of the effects on dean. and the implications of this are deeply troubling to me. because like you said: is sam saying all this because he thinks dean is too stupid to understand what he's getting into? does sam think dean hasn't thought this through? sam thinks it's easy for dean to not think (this is the "easy for you to say" / "no, it's not actually" exchange).

maybe sam doesn't think dean is stupid. maybe he thinks dean is fully aware of the ramifications and is just so "self-destructive" that he doesn't care. okay, fair. but how is it going to help at all to try to guilt him into caring? like you said, to scare him out of doing the right thing?

i understand sam's coming from a place of care and he doesn't want dean to die - very reasonable! but the way he is expressing his care is by bombarding dean with things that are designed to make dean feel fear, guilt, and shame. fear of what michael will do to him, guilt over "leaving" sam, shame over "giving up" and doing things the "wrong" way. he doesn't give him one affirmative reason to abandon the plan - he's not saying dean is strong enough to beat michael, or dean is good and doesn't deserve an eternity of torture, or dean is making a difficult but right choice and his sacrifice is honorable. it's all about how bad this is will be.

and then sam takes it a step further and makes it about dean not believing in sam enough. if dean does this, it's because he doesn't think sam can save him. if dean doesn't think sam can save him, it cannot be because they're up against impossible odds, it must be because dean doesn't believe sam is strong or smart or dependable enough to save him. that is a monumental leap, in my opinion. and in a bass-ackwards kind of way, sam is taking responsibility here. he's suggesting that if dean does this, it's sam's fault for not coming up with another plan. it's self-centered in a very weird way. it's almost like sam thinks dean can't be trusted to make his own choices, and sam has to make those choices for him, and if dean tries to make choices it's because sam has failed. (not 100% solid on this, gotta think about it some more. but it's weird right?)

i do believe that sam is doing all this because of the enormity of his feelings. he is afraid of dean giving himself up like this and afraid he won't be able to survive without dean. he feels guilty for not "saving" dean. i can have some sympathy for sam having a very very bad time. but he's taking it out on dean. it's not like he's saying to cas, "wow, i don't think dean has thought this through" or asking mary to comfort him. he is doing everything he can to make dean give up this plan, and he either does not realize that this is potentially very harmful and unfair to dean, or he does realize it and doesn't care. he keeps reminding dean of how bad it will be. he encourages dean to doubt himself. he doubles down on the guilt dean already feels for everything by emphasizing that dean is giving up, abandoning his family, etc. he creates situations where dean, who is facing down an eternity of torture, comforts sam.

that is a very fucked up thing to do. like i can't emphasize enough that it's fucked up to treat a human being like this. especially one that you care about. i said it last night but i'll say it again: i wouldn't wish this kind of treatment on anyone. i am definitely more sensitive to it because it's dean and i love him but i don't want anyone to be treated the way sam is treating dean. and i'm kind of stunned that sam gets away with it. i think it goes to show how beat down dean is at this point and how he's so crushed by the psychological weight of everything that he accepts this as if he deserves it.

[windvexer]

if i want to give an offering thats a physical item, like lets say a necklace, how exactly would that work? would i declare its an offering and just leave it there for them forever? would there be a time when i should/could reclaim it? do i have to charge it from that point forward? would i have to toss it eventually? organic offerings like food can be buried, or like smoke will dissipate. im not sure how to handle more solid things, and it feels especially difficult as a closeted witch. what if my roommate picks it up and moves or uses it? sorry i have a lot of questions lol, thanks for reading all this! i love ur blog, youre very smart!

Good morning! Lots of variables to this one.

Giving of, storing, and reclaiming nondegradable offerings is a thing that has Rules in many traditions and cultures, and it's wise to examine any within which you're operating. I'm recalling that there are serious taboos against taking back gifts from the Dead, or wearing jewelry owned by the Dead, in Hellenism (?).

I'm hesitant to say that this one should be totally based on the vibes so definitely try to do some research.

If you haven't got any rules, as it were, here are some options:

You don't have to charge nondegradable offerings forever, or even once, unless the charge is a part of the offering/offering ritual.

You can dedicate an object to an entity while keeping it in your possession and continuing to use it. This can be a great way to form a bond with that entity. Knowing that the necklace belongs to, say, Aphrodite, and that it's her possession, but that you still wear it, can be a powerful way to connect to her. This arrangement should be established at the time of dedication (it doesn't do well to give a gift and then appear to take-backsies).

Intuition or lore may advise that certain entities aren't going to agree to this arrangement, but as long as you don't feel a very strong "no! wrong" feeling, you should be good to go.

Another complication is dedicating objects to entities that have an aura you really don't want to carry around with you. Radium is a powerful entity with a powerful aura but you shouldn't carry him around with you, you know?

You can also leave objects on an altar or shrine and periodically clean them all out, perhaps when the altar gets full or at an established time (like, on holidays). Intuition may advise if the entity would like to hold on to some special gifts, but that others can be safely removed.

I might donate things to charities, or frankly if something has little value and the entity doesn't want it any more, throw it away.

If an object is gifted to an entity with no established arrangement that you or anyone else can use it, it's your responsibility to put the item in a protected space where it won't be used. Some entities might not care, but the risk of offense is always possible, and it'll be on you to soothe those waters.

Offered objects don't have to be on display or in full view. You can store them in closed boxes or bags. You can also put those containers under the bed or in a closet.

Overall though it pays to be selective in what objects you gift to an entity precisely because figuring out what to do with it can be a bit of a hassle. I tend to gift nondegradable objects very selectively and use them as an object of connection and honor. So it wouldn't be typical for me to gift an object with an assumption that I'll want to reclaim it in a few months or needing a backup plan for how to get rid of it.

[eddies-whoreee]

Traitor (1/2)

Summary: Eddie chose Chrissy over you. You couldn’t stand see them together so you left. In those 2 years you’ve been gone, he realized you are the love of his life and he made a huge mistake.

CW: angst, mean!eddie, bitchy!Chrissy, lots of crying, happy ending (eventually). BASED IN MODERN TIMES!!

Hawkins, July 2020

“What? Eddie I thought-” you say as tears fall down your face. “Look, I’m just not in the mindset to be in a relationship its me not you, okay?” He tells you. You shake your head, “w-why? What happened, w-was it something I did?” You question, tears now pour down your face as he just stared at you, no emotion what so ever. “I just told you, I just can’t be in a relationship.” He states more harshly, rolling his eyes. “It’s her, isn’t it. It’s Chrissy” you ask. “Oh my God, Y/n, please you’re being paranoid! My mental health is all fucked up and you think im cheating!?! Wow you’re really selfish” he snaps at you. “No! That’s not what I’m saying, Eddie I do care!” You speak. He holds the bridge of his nose and let’s out a frustrated sigh. “Just-please, we’re done okay? It’s over I can’t-” he says walking away. Leaving you, heart broken, crying, and mostly confused in your driveway.

2 weeks later

You were walking to lunch with your best friend Robin, who had been comforting you the past 2 weeks. That’s when you see it, “what the fuck” you mumble stopping in your tracks. Robin looks at you confused and follows your gaze. Her face drops, tears flood your eyes and you turn around storming off. She follows after you calling out for you. You guys get into the girls bathroom when you completely break down. “He said, they were just friends! He said I was paranoid” you sob into her hug. “I know babes I’m so sorry” she says rubbing your back soothingly. “I can’t believe him, I thought- I thought he loved me” you state. “He’s an asshat that lost the baddest bitch ever, not that you are a bitch. Chrissy’s a two faced cunt anyways it won’t last long” she tries to assure you. “That’s not the point! He told me that he wasn’t ready mentally for a relationship, and then suddenly two weeks later he’s in a relationship with the same girl he told me not to worry about” you tell her. “He such a slut!” You exclaim. “Totally slut” Robin agrees.

Hawkins, August 2020

Robin sat leaned on the side of your car as you loaded one of your boxes into your trunk. “Babes are you sure this is the best decision?” She asks worriedly. “I can’t stand to see them and I need a break from the Hawkins gossip. Its toxic, plus my aunt has been begging me to come down with her forever so..” you trail off. She nods, “I’m gonna miss you, like a lot. You’re the only person who doesn’t suck in this town” she says. “Hey! Okay that hurt!” Steve exclaims loading the last box into your trunk. “Thanks Steve” you tell him. He nods. “Okay even you suck sometimes Steve, and Y/n has been my bestie since kindergarten so… it’s different” Robin explains. He rolls his eyes playfully. You sigh closing the trunk. “Well, guys I guess this is it. All packed up and ready to go” you say. Robin nods tears filling her eyes. “Don’t cry, then I’m gonna cry” you state tears already starting to form. She gives you a hug tears spilling on your shirt, you didn’t care though. “Don’t forget about me please, I couldn’t handle it” she jokes. “Hell no, you always find away to invade my thoughts” you giggle. “Stevie? Why are you covering your face?” You asks concerned. “My eyes are sweating” he says. “Aww are you gonna miss me Stevie” you tease. “Something like that” he speaks. You give him a hug. “Your killing me smalls” he jokes returning your hug. As you pull away, steve quickly wipes his tears. “I love you guys, okay? I’ll be back one day. Okay this isn’t forever” you tell them. They nod, “okay farewell my fellow friends” you say then wave as you get in the car.

Hawkins, November 2022

You step out of the car, letting out a sigh of relief. For the first time in a longtime you were actually happy to be in Hawkins. You unlock the door to your moms house, it was completely pitch black. You tried to flip the light on but it wouldn’t turn on. “Surprise!!” Your friends shout as the lights turn on, you jump and let out a yelp. “Holy fucking shit!! What the fuck?!?” You giggle. “Welcome home!” Robin exclaims giving you a very aggressive hug. “Hey bestie” you tell her, she pulls back inspecting you. “Have you grown 6 feet? Did you get new hair?” She questions. “No just got over a breakup, you know I have my glow back” you state happily. She nods pulling you into another hug. “Hey Robin share the wealth we miss her too” Steve says, Robin sighs rolling her eyes and letting you go. “Hey kiddo” Steve says pulling you into a hug. “I’m the same age as you!” You tell him. “But your like 10 feet shorter than me so..” he states making you giggle. “I hate you” you joke. The door bell rings, Steve looks at the door confused. “Are we expecting someone?” He asks looking at the rest of the party. They all shake their head ‘no’. “I’ll get it. Be right back” he says patting your head as he walks to the door. Robin and Dustin lead you into the kitchen showing you the master meal they were preparing that was only minutes away from being done. “You need to go” Steve says angrily. “Just let me see her, it’s important” some one replies pleadingly. “As important as cheating on her with Chrissy and breaking her heart?” Steve states. There was a moment of silence. “That’s what I thought.. leave. Now.” Steve tells the person. Their conversations were muffled but you could make the words out. You walk from the kitchen to see who it was. You freeze in your steps, your heart raced and tears were working their way into your eyes. “Baby, Y/n, please just 2 minutes that all I need” he begs. “Eddie? How did you know I was back?” You ask trying to keep the tears from falling. “It’s a small town and that’s all Robin and Steve talk about, and I visit Family Video a lot” he says. “Look, just tell me you don’t want him here and he’s gone” Steve tells you. You fiddle with your fingers knowing you would probably regret this decision. “It’s fine. It’ll only be 2 minutes” you speak walking to the door. “Outside” you say walking out. Eddie nods shutting the door behind you. You take a seat on the porch swing. Eddie sits next to you. He tries to put a hand on your thigh, but you scoot away from his touch. “I made a horrible mistake. Like the biggest mistake ever. I love you, you’re the love of my life” he says. You scoff shaking your head, “I’ve heard that before” you tell him. “I know, I know, it’s just I’m an asshole okay?” He states. “I gathered that” you speak rolling your eyes. “So why do you want me back now? Did she break your heart, you figure out that being with her isn’t pure paradise? Let me guess she treated you like her puppet?” You question bitterly. He doesn’t say anything knowing you were right.

Hawkins, October 2020

“Ughh Eddie that isn’t the point you can’t go to the party dressed as the joker if I’m not Harley Quinn! You will be Bugs Bunny and you’ll have a smile on your face the whole time!” She spits at him. “Baby, I don’t want-” he’s cut off by her scoff. “It isn’t about what you want! I’m head cheerleader! Okay? Having you as a charity case is bad enough. I can’t have you ruining Halloween too” she states angrily. “Wow, so that’s what I am a fucking charity case” Eddie asks. “Well I’m not dating you because I love you and want to get married” she snickers fixing up her makeup. He scoffs shaking his head. “Well then have fun going to the party with Jason, because I’m done, with you, this bullshit, Y/n was right your a cold hearted bitch” Eddie snaps at her. She turns around and narrows her eyes at him. “You can’t break up with me 30 minutes before the damn party! Jason is going with Cynthia! I cant go alone!” She exclaims. “Too bad find another charity case, get out” Eddie tells her. “Wait I’m sorry I didn’t mean it Eddie, c’mon-” she tries to speak but Eddie cuts her off. “Nope leave! God you’re actually a horrible person” he says tears forming his eyes. But not from his and Chrissy’s break up but from the fact he knew he fucked up. He was always happy with you. You never made him feel less. “Whatever you will never find someone better than me!” She screams storming out. He sighs as he hears the door slam. He plops down on the bed and cries, he feels like a fucking child, an immature, stupid child.

Hawkins, May 2021

He walks into Family Video going to buy your favorite movie since it was your birthday and you always loved 10 Things I Hate About You. As he walks up from to the register putting the movie on the counter. “Hm, her favorite movie, doing some sulking from losing the best thing that ever happened to you?” Robin asks bitterly. “This isn’t very good costumer service” Eddie states. “You know if I wanted to which I really should I could refuse service to you, since I have the right to” she replies with a fake smile pointing to the sign. He rolls his eyes. “Can I just get the damn movie” he speaks frustratedly. “Sure that’ll be $13.99” she says. “What? the price says 8.99” he tells her. She snickers, “oh you get the douche fee.” He scoffs and hands her a 10 dollar bill. “Good one Buckley, how’s Vickie?” He smirks, “how’s Chrissy?” She snaps back. He tenses up. “Bye-bye loser” she states with a smile. “Fuck off” he mumbles grabbing the movie and walking out.

Hawkins, July 2021

He sat in his living room plopped down on the couch. This was about the 100th time he watch you favorite movie just in this month alone. As Wayne entered the house he sighed seeing the movie playing and his nephew snuggling up with one of your shirts. “Boy, this again?” He asks. Eddie jumps and pushes your shirt away. “What? No- I- just” he tries to lie but Wayne huffs. “It’s your fault, you broke that sweet girl’s heart. Now you’re getting a taste of your own medicine” he tells him bluntly. “I know Wayne, trust me I’ve been contemplating my whole life’s decisions since that day” Eddie replies annoyingly. “So why are you sulking” Wayne questions. “Because I love her! I fucked up, exactly a year ago today I made the worst mistake of my life. You should’ve seen how heart broken she was, god, every time I close my eyes all I see is her crying because I broke her heart.” Eddie exclaims tears flowing down his face. Wayne did hate to see his nephew sad, but this was his own fault. Wayne didn’t raise Eddie to be a heart breaker. He raised him to respect and treat women like queens and Eddie just screwed up, no way to sugar coat that. “I miss her Wayne” Eddie says. “Yeah, I do too son” Wayne sighs walking into the bathroom. Eddie lays back staring at the ceiling.

Hawkins, November 2022

“Eddie you really hurt me. I gave you everything, you were my first everything! And you just…hurt me” you tell him. He sighs wiping away the tear that poured down his face. “Look I’m not asking for you to take me back, or even forgive me. I just want you to give me another chance, I know I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. You are too good for me, you loved me at my worst when everyone hated me you were there and I fucked up. I know it. Just let me make what I can up to you. I know I’ll never fully be able to win all the trust I used to have back but just let me make you feel how special you make me feel” he pleads. “Why did you do it?“ you question. “Because.. I thought people would look at me different if I was with her, I thought for once people would actually treat me like a decent human being instead of judging me for my last name. It’s not a good reason, no reason would be. But it’s the truth and I’m done lying to you” he says looking down at the ground. “Did you c-cheat?” You asks. “Hell no, I never cheated. No. I would never” he states looking at you. “But you talked to her while we were together? You wanted her while you were with me?” You question. “Yes, but I never stopped loving you, not for one second. I was just tired, of being labeled the freak, Jason and his mouth breathing clan fucking with me. People looking down on me. But I thought that if I had the head cheerleader on my side, that would change everything. What I did was completely selfish. And I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He apologizes, holding your hand. “Times up Munson” Steve says as he walks out the door. You stand up wiping your tears away. Eddie sighs and nods standing up. He goes in for a hug but you back up. You hold out your fist for a bump. He bumps your fist. “I love you, bye” he says walking to his car. You watch him and huff. “Love you too” you mumble and walk in the house.

THERE WILL BE A PART 2!! THE FINAL PART HAPPEY ENDINGS ARE TO COME!! SHOULD I END WITH SOME SMUT OR NO?? I can’t decide!!

[letters-from-dekarios]

(A letter arrives by way of a Quickling, a tiny fey creature commonly used as messengers in the Feywild)

My darling husband, my guiding wind, first in my heart,

If you ever leave me to deal with my family alone again I will lock you out of your library for a month!

I understand midterms at the academy are nearly upon us but I am certain your assistant could manage long enough for you to join me at this reunion so that I am not left to suffer my mother's attentions alone.

Speaking of, I have included the recipe you wished to ask from her, and I will bring some of the more exotic ingredients home with me when I return.

Further, your absence has utterly devastated Mallory, who has been demanding her "Uncle Gale" no less than 6 times a day. How utterly cruel of you. She has very much wanted to show you her new magic trick, which I assure you is very adorable. No spiders involved this time.

To say nothing of how deeply I miss you, my love. I shall be returning soon, while it has been good to catch up with my brothers and feel the magic of my birthplace, none compares to the magic of our home together.

All my love, Bel'tan'e

P.S., Callista said you asked her for Dawnsea flowers, did you need spell-grade or food-grade petals?

(Bel'tan'e (he/they) is a spring Eladrin druid, born and raised in the Feywild, and currently married to one Professor Dekarios. They have a large family of relatively high status in the Spring Seelie Court, though Bel'tan'e himself is 3rd born and has little influence of their own (not that they want it). The couple regularly travels to the Feywild to see Bel'tan'e's family, who were quite shocked he returned with a human husband after only a few months away from home, but they grew to love Gale eventually, even if he is very odd and human-like)

(did I do this right? First time submission 🫣)

My love, Bel,

Sweetness, you know how much I adore your odd but ever caring family. I wouldn’t miss the journey for the world. Or, perhaps, a good box of chocolates. Kidding! I swear. I am mourning the loss of my visitation with you, thinking of the extravagant time I could be having while instead, I am pouring over my papers.

I do beg of you to not lock me out of my library. I simply would not be able to fare! I may pass away even at the mere thought.

Alas, I truly wish I could be with you. Though, I hope my words bring you comfort and warmth as if I were there beside you. They will have to do, for now. And while I do trust my assistant very much so, these are things one must handle on their own. This time of year at the academy is far from easy, it is best I oversee the work so as to avoid any mistakes. Nonetheless, I do deeply wish to be with you, don’t forget that.

Send my warmest, deepest affection to your mother back. That kindly woman deserves only the best and I will have something soon to show her my thanks, I promise. The same goes for Mallory and all the little ones calling for me. I do owe them a night within the Weave’s embrace once we can journey there together. No doubt that should suffice as an apology for missing this visit. Do tell little Mallory how proud I am of her. Thank the heavens she’s getting better with that, I nearly died the last time she summoned a spider. I still get shivers even thinking about it.

I have found myself rambling! I must save these words for when you return, otherwise this letter may become too thick to send back. Know that I love you deeply, and cannot wait for your return home. I shall have my best apologies lined up for you since you’ve had to endure such joyous fellowship alone.

Forever yours,

𝑮𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒔

text reads: gale dekarios

literally shut up. ‘uncle gale’???? im sobbing and losing my mind over this. i can literally see gale showing up for the first time to meet their family and just ‘hello! i’m gale!’ Exactly how he says it when you first meet him in act 1. and then all the nephews and nieces hanging onto his arms and asking him about being a human and then him showing them the weave… i need to write dad gale now cause this is TOO cute. also you did perfect im obsessed if you can’t tell ~kore

[thatblackravenclaw]

Pen Pals

a/n: you guys know how Andrew Garfield’s parents are British but he was born in L.A. but he still has a British accent that’s not extremely British with a little bit of an American twinge? that’s what the reader sounds like. also, i go by the grades of everyone in the books so Cho and the reader are a year older than the golden trio and a year younger than the twins. 

Blog Details | Let’s take a trip

Fred Weasley x Black!fem!reader (Ravenclaw)

warning(s): british slander bc im a raging american (RED WHITE AND BLUE MF THESE COLORS DON’T RUN BITCH lmfao please believe me when i say im joking), cursing, mention of drugs and alcohol use, tooth rotting fluff

word count: 3.3k

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“Are you writing to that British boy again?” I hear from over my shoulder.

“Yes, and have you heard of personal space?” We erupt in giggles as I push her away.

I close my notebook and move from my desk to my bed. The foot of my mattress is barricaded with boxes. I look around and see my childhood home become empty and filled with boxes and buckets. The walls that were once painted with polaroids of my friends and family from over the years is now back to its basic color of brown that was painted when I was born. My desk is no longer covered with knick-knacks and clutter. The room is just empty. I’m happy that my mom got promoted so my dad gets to go back to his hometown, but it’s going to be hard leaving a place I’ve spent ¾ of my life in.

My mom is a Magizoologist. She came to the United States 20 years ago for a business trip. My dad is a Dragonologist. Their paths crossed when she came to help take a look at a sick Dragon. He showed him how their sanction work and over time I guess they became close because 3 years later I was born.

We used to go back and forth between Illinois and England for about 4 and ½ years before mom decided to just move here. I guess the distance was just a little too much for them, so she decided to move here and now we’re moving back.

I lay down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. It’s scattered with glow in the dark stars that I begged for when I was 7 and ten years later, here they still stick. I’ve been asking dad for four years to take them down. He always said he’d get around to it.

The air feels dry, and my throat is scratchy. I’m trying my best to hold my tears at bay. I love England. It’s a second home to me. Whenever I’m out for summer break I go to my grandparents’ house in Norwich. This is different though. I’m going to be living there now. The British accent I had when I was younger has faded overtime to an American-British hybrid. I’ll surely be made fun of for it.

Maya lays down next to me. We’ve been best friends since the 3rd grade. Just the two of us against the world. Now I have to go through the rest of university without her.

“Maybe it won’t be bad. The worst part is going to be eating their food.” Her jab pulls a smile to the corner of my lips.

“I’ve heard the food at Hogwarts is actually pretty good.”

“Not possibly better than Ilvermony.”

“Never!” I dramatize the word with a gasp. Really selling it as if saying Hogwarts food is better than Ilvermony is a federal offense.

The dust settles and a silence washes over us. It’s a comfortable silence. Soaking in our last moments together. I know it’s not forever. I get to come back here on holiday, and she can use the floo network to visit me, but it won’t be the same. This is the person who has a key to my house because she’s considered family. The same person who that brings me an extra banana nut muffin every day before school just because she knows it’ll bring a smile to my face. I won’t get that anymore.

“What time are you guys leaving tomorrow?” Her head turns towards me, but I keep my eyes trained on the popcorn ceiling in fear that the tears I’ve been holding back will give me away.

“Early. I think 6. We’re meeting the realtor with the keys at 7, so we need to make sure that all of our stuff gets transported this in one fell swoop since we’re apperating there and apparently mom came up with a spell to have our stuff apperate to the new house.”

“Hm. Have you told British boy that you’re got accepted into Hogwarts?”

“Fred doesn’t even know what I look like. Let alone that I got accepted to the same school as him.”

“HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE?” I slap my hand over her mouth and shush her.

“Bitch, shut the fuck up. My parents are right down the hall and don’t know I have a pen pal. They said it was dangerous because people pretend to be someone they’re not, but what the hell?”

She pushes my hand off of her mouth and sits up. Her back meets my headboard and she straight ahead at the door.

“Do you know what he looks like?”

I nod my head yes before rolling off of the bed. I feel to the last page of my journal and find and find a polaroid of him and his brother George from when they went to something called The Quidditch World Cup. I do a quick look over before making my way back to the bed and offering my hand to Maya. She looks at the picture and you can almost see her eyes bulging out of their sockets.

“He has a twin brother?”

“No it’s just someone he met at school.” I resist the temptation to roll my eyes at her comment, but the attitude goes completely over her head.

“Is he single?”

“Maya!” I exclaim with my jaw dropped. “What? You can have a twin and I can’t?”

“Oh hush. You said yourself that you don’t even date white boys.”

“That was before I saw this one. Besides, he’s a ginger so he’s exempt from that statement.”

“I’m really going to miss you Maya.” We make eye contact for the first time in a while and her eyes soften.

“I’m gonna miss you too Angel.”

She looks down at her watch and tells me that it’s fifteen minutes to ten meaning it’s almost curfew. We share one last tearful goodbye as she walks out of my bedroom door for the last time.

.          .          .

Sure enough, at 5:45 my dad woke me up and told me it was time to get ready to leave. I had taken one last look around my room and made my way downstairs to meet my mother so we could all leave. Right as the clock struck 6, my parents let me grab the powder and be the first to see our new home.

I stood in the foyer and tried to convince myself that it isn’t the best house I’ve ever seen. It’s got a cottage core vibe going on, on the outside. It’s cozy, but big enough for all of us. I wanted so badly not to like it. We went to the backyard and there’s a small river filled with a family of ducks. To the right there’s something that looks like a shack, but bigger. My parents then explained to me it’s my own apartment. That’s when the smile broke across my face. I was finally getting my own space.

The house tour didn’t last long due to the tight schedule we are on. I ended up just waving my wand and letting the magic unpack my stuff as we were right back in the fireplace. Why? Because tomorrow is the first day of school and I have not done any school shopping. The stuff on the list differs a little bit from the shopping list we had for Ilvermony so dad thought it best to wait until we got here. We had to go to Diagon Alley anyway for everyone to open up a bank account.

Now, I’m standing in Madam Malkin’s getting measured for everything. Once I’ve been basically poked and prodded all over my body with clothes pins, I stare out the window and watch everything and everyone pass by. As if someone had played a slow potion button, I see a whole family of red heads walk down the cobblestone and sure enough one of them is Fred. I snap my head down and try to cover my face with my hair. I don’t know why I did that. Once again, he has no idea what I look like.

“All done. You can step down now.” I look over to Madam Malkin and grab my uniform and robe out of her hands. I thank her and rush out the door. Thankfully my parents are done with their list too so we decide to go home.

.          .          .

The next 18 hours go by quick. I didn’t get a chance to really enjoy my apartment or decorate it due to packing up my trunk since we once again left early in the morning for transportation.

The train ride was painfully boring. No one told me how long it is from England to Scotland. I sat with some mundane people whose names I don’t remember. They were also half asleep and exchanged pleasantries only out of politeness. We bought some stuff off of the trolley and then went back to our own worlds.

At one point it became a little suffocating and I needed to pee so I got up and started walking through the cars when I heard a “Have you heard from her yet, Fred,”. I had stopped before becoming visible to their compartment. He told them no and that he was a little worried. That’s when I remembered that Maya distracted me so I never got to finish the letter.

At the moment, I’m standing at the front of the line of 1st years because I’m new as well but I’m older so I get to get sorted first. My hood is up and I’m looking at the ground, suddenly interested in my shoes. Professor McGonagall informs everyone that I’m a new student from the American wizarding school and I feel my face heat up, knowing the amount of comments I’m about to get from everyone.

She calls my name and I carefully walk up the stairs. At this point my hood is still up so no one has gotten a clear view of my face. I want to do a big reveal of sorts. I sit down and let the hood slide from off of my head. There’s gasps from all across the hall. Some whistles from a few guys. Whispers from a few girls. A handful of people conveyed nonchalant expressions which I greatly appreciate over being fawned over. My eyes gravitate toward the Gryffindor table and I catch Fred already looking at me. His friends are nudging him with an elbow while also looking at me. I guess that answers the question of if he told his friends about me or not. I can’t decipher how he feels, but the adoration on his face calms my nerves enough.

I break our eye contact to look back down at the floor as not to fall off of the stool. I make haste to the Ravenclaw table. I greet everybody and they instantly start asking questions. I laugh as I can’t understand them all at once, but it’s funny hearing them squabble like seagulls. A hand is placed over mine and I look in the direction of where it came from. A beautiful Asian girl gives me a small smile.

“Hi y/n, my name is Cho.” I return the smile and tell her that it’s nice to meet her. A silence washes over the table. I become befuddled and look around to distinguish if I did or said something wrong.

“I thought you were American?” Someone says from the other side of the table. I don’t catch sight of who said it, but respond, nonetheless.

“I am. Well, I’m half. My mom is American and my dad is British. I was born in Manchester but was raised in America.”

An understanding nod is shared amongst the table in hearing vicinity and the conversation ceases as someone else is sorted into Ravenclaw.

.          .

After dinner the prefects give the first years a quick tour of the castle and show them to their houses. Cho snuck me with the other 5th years. I’m thankful as I far from want to be touring the castle with a bunch of children. Besides, I have a map of the school and I’ve created a spell that can bewitch the map to help me find my classes.

We make our way up the many staircases and are faced with a large door with an Eagle head as the knocker.

“The only way to enter the common room is by answering a riddle. If you get it wrong, then you have to stand here until someone else comes and says the correct answer or until someone from the inside opens the door.” She says to me. I nod my head in understanding.

“Wanna try it?” Another Ravenclaw asks me. A male. I believe his name is Talbott. I nod my head again and step closer to the door.

“When young, I am sweet in the sun. When middle-aged, I make you gay. When old, I am valued more than ever. What am I?” The voice bellows as the Eagle moves its beak. It shakes my core a little bit.

I look around at the other Ravenclaws. Some with quizzical brows. Some with a knowing look. Others just looking and awaiting my answer. The answer would have caught me up if it weren’t for the last clue; “When old, I am more valued than ever.”

“Wine.” There’s a click sound as if unlocking a lock, and the door slowly opens. Smalls cheers are shared as we walk in.

I’m stuck at the entrance of the threshold inside by the sight in front of me. It’s probably the most gorgeous room I’ve ever seen. The ceiling is coved and gives the illusion of a clear night sky. Stars litter the ceiling and give off the effect of actual twinkling. A blue velvet couch sits in front of a fire, with matching chairs on either side. What really catches my attention is the enormous statue of Rowena Ravenclaw in front of a bookcase. We never had anything like this at Ilvermony. Our emblem was a serpent and we would just have those displayed in various parts of the common room. I watch as everyone goes to various parts of the room while some go behind the bookcase. Cho grabs my hand and also brings me behind the staircase. She shows me that behind this staircase is where the dorms and bathrooms are. I follow her up the staircase and to a dorm. The rooms inferior to the common room but not any less gorgeous. The beds align with the wall as each dorm is in the shape of a tower.

“I see you got the middle bed. Seems fitting as you’re new.” No malice in her tone, though I can see in some way it might have seemed like it.

I sit on the bed and exhale. Truly exhale. This whole journey has been happening too fast. Now that I’m sorted into a house, everything else seems easy. I went over my schedule with Cho and we have all the same classes except Defense Against The Dark Arts. I guess I’ll survive one class without her.

“Well come on lazy bones.” A different girls says to me. Anastasia I believe.

“What?” I sit back up and ask with pure curiosity.

“It’s time to get ready for the party.”

“What party?”

.          .

The beginning of the year party. The party where everybody gets blacked out and regrets it in the morning since we start classes at 8 am.

I believe I heard someone earlier yell about flower. A Hufflepuff I believe. I had put on the sluttiest thing I owned and made my way down to the party with everyone else. None of us wear heels, as not to be caught by the caretaker.

The party is in full swing when we open the door the ballroom. The lights are dimmed, but the strobes of light are pungent. We barely make it to the drink table without bumping into everyone on the way. At the drink table is a tall red head with another tall read head which I can only assume is me about to be dealing with the consequences of my own actions.

“Excuse us,” Cho exclaims at the two while trying to push our way to the punch bowl. They look our way and go to move but freeze when they set their eyes on me.

“Y/n?” Fred asks/yells.

“In the flesh,” I yell back.

His smile reaches his eyes as he pulls me in a hug. My face in brought into an awkward place where it’s not quite his chest but not quite his stomach either. I wrap my arms around his middle and hug him back. He smells like cinnamon. I welcome in the scent as we hug for a few more seconds. I can only imagine what Cho is thinking right now.

We pull back at the same time and he begins to speak again. I can’t really hear him over the noise of the ballroom. I look in the direction of the entrance of the room and point to it. He nods his head and we walk towards it, hand in hand.

The door closes behind us but we still stood with our hands intwined.

“Pen pals for 4 years and you didn’t tell me you were transferring.” He exclaims while keeping his voice down.

“I wanted to surprise you.” I say sheepishly.

“Considered me surprised.” He smiled no longer reaches his cheeks but its more somber.

We hear footsteps coming from the far end of the corridor. He pulls me and we start running. I don’t know where we’re going but I trust him. A giggle threatens to out my mouth as we are going up the maze of stairs.

After what feel like forever, we make it to the floor that the Ravenclaw tower is on. I see that Gryffindor is also on this floor. In the middle of both is a spiral staircase. Great. More stairs. He leads us up to a room that looks like a classroom with multiple astronomy tools and an openness to the outside.

“Welcome to the Astronomy classroom.” I unknowingly let go of his hand as I look around in amazement. There’s a celestial sphere with all the constellations on it. A fancy telescope by the balcony. It’s quite literally the Ravenclaw common room in classroom form.

“Gods, this place is gorgeous.” I walk onto the balcony and stare up at the sky. All the stars twinkle and the moon is full.

“As are you.” I turn my body around and face him. He walks up next to me without breaking eye contact.

“Not a disappointment, am I?”

“Only a little. I expect more of an American accent.” I laugh at this before looking down at my shoes.

“You and everyone else. It’s there a little bit with certain words and phrases.”

.          .

I sit on the ledge and we talk for a bit. Not much to tell considering I know almost everything about him and vice versa. We talk about school and the people here which eventually leads to the topic of dating.

“Anyone here you fancy yet?”

“You could say that.” I look into his eyes and see if he’s able to read in between the lines.

He leans in and I hear my breath hitch. My fingers grip the railing. His eyes jump to my lips and back to my eyes.

“Who is it?” We both know.

“He’s in Gryffindor. Tall red head with freckles. His brothers are also in Gryffindor.” We inch closer.

“I might know him. What’s his name?” 3 inches apart.

“Ron.” He rolls his eyes at the answer with a chuckle.

“Shut up,” and then he kissed me.

.

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Fred Masterlist | United Kingdom