#im not gonna make the time limit tonight am I?

[floral-hex]

won’t have a ride for about an hour or so, but I’m really thinking of going to urgent care and begging for klonopin or something similar. Just a few to make sure I don’t lose my shit in the next few hours. Do you think that would work? Just straight up “I’m in the middle of an extended panic that’s gone on for about 12+ hours now. Please give me a script for half a dozen benzos.” (Half a dozen sounds like so much. It’s just 6.) I mean, with more details. I don’t know. In my head, I always think ‘just be straightforward and say what you want, no joking or subterfuge,’ but I’m 100% paranoid that this wouldn’t work or even backfire. Hell, if it was bad, I wouldn’t be so clear with my needs, I’d be over emotional. Right? No? I wish being honest about your needs was more acceptable, but noooo, everything is all irony poisoned. Or whatever. I don’t know what I’m saying. Word salad. Now I’m torn on if I should take a shower and clean up (I stink!), would that show I’m a nice, clean cut dude, or would that seem like I’m faking it bc I was able to wash myself and therefore am not truly falling apart? Anyway.. so now I’ve got this semi-hopeful plan and that’ll keep me going another hour until I can maybe go. Will it work? I don’t know, but it’ll get me out of the apartment for a bit, distract me some, which isn’t nothing. God, I’m so tired. I feel like I could fall asleep any moment, but as soon as I close my eyes, lean my head back, I start panicking.

Oh no, now I’m looking and I’m worried that, if I do get a prescription, the pharmacies I use will be closed. God, I’m fucked.

aaaaa aaaaa aaaaa aaaaa!

[dandyshucks]

need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭

I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO

[norrisainz33]

beauty and brains || cs55

☆ summary: carlos’ long term partner is an engineering student, victoria’s secret model and all around fam favorite. him and a few others surprise her ahead of the singapore gp!

☆ pairing: carlos sainz x model!student!reader

☆ fc & warnings: kelsey merritt & none

☆ requested: yes!! thank you sm for the request and for your patience🤍

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

ynuser has posted to their story

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user1: beauty and brains fr

user2: you are everything

yourbff: i can’t even imagine the stress of exams and the show

ynuser: i am so stressed but we shall persevere 😭 last time i ever have to do this!!

yourbff: you have GOT THIS GIRL! you gonna be a graduate so SOON!!!!!

ynuser: going to need some drinks after this is all over

yourbff: say less baby

carlossainz55: my gorgeous girl i can’t wait to see you 🤍

ynuser: i can’t wait to see you in singapore mi amor 🤍

carlossainz55: counting down the minutes. i am so incredibly proud of you

ynuser: 🥹🥹🥹🥹 don’t make me cry carlos

alexandrasaintmleux: you’re going to crush these exams mon ami

ynuser: thank you best friend 😘

user3: vs fashion show?! that is huge! im so proud of you 😭

user4: omg i’m going to the singapore gp too!!! i hope i see you

user5: you are the blueprint

carlossainz55 has posted to his story

[i am so proud of you my love. the sky is the limit and this only the beginning]

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user3: YAYYYY CONGRATS TO OUR FAVORITE PRINCESS

user5: how she managed to get a degree and be a full time model at the same time is so impressive

landonorris: yessssss that’s our girl let’s gooooooo

carlossainz55: could not be more proud!

landonorris: i am having the hardest time keeping my mouth shut abt the fact that we’re going to her show. she keeps talking about how much she misses you and all of us

carlossainz55: if you tell her i’ll drive you straight off track in singapore

landonorris: understood

user6: carlos are you going to the vs show??????

ynuser: i love you so much 😭 thank you for the flowers, im so glad to have gotten them this morning. i wish you could be here!

carlossainz55: it is the least i could do!! i love you more than words could express. i’ll see you soon 🤍

lilymhe: you should’ve gotten her more flowers

carlossainz55: 100 roses is not enough?

lilymhe: nothing is enough when you’re dating the most perfect woman in the world

carlossainz55: i suppose you got me there

scuderiaferrari: we are so proud of y/n!!

user8: begging to know if you’re going to make an appearance at the victoria secret fashion show king

user10: simp ☝🏻

user11: you’ve moved me with this carlos

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liked by carlossainz55, carmenmundt, victoriassecret, judebellingham, erlinghaaland, and 764,238 others

ynuser: new york city - it’s time 🪽

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user6: ahhhhh it’s vs time!!!

user8: gUYS is carlos going to be there to support her 😭

user12: i feel like no bc singapore is right around the corner

user8: ugh yeah true but this is so important and he already missed graduation 😭

user12: ik!!! crossing fingers he can make it

user10: the footballers in her likes lol

carmenmundt: so effortlessly beautiful

ynuser: that’s you carmen 😘

carlossainz55: that’s MY girl

ynuser: yes it is 🤍

user9: i’m literally so excited to watch the show later

victoriassecret: can’t wait to see you later y/n 🩷

yourbff: so glad to be here with you 🫶🏻

ynuser: you’re my rock

oscarpiastri: time to shine

ynuser: 💎

user10: that’s our engineering graduate!!! look at her go!!!

f1gossip has made a post

liked by user1, user2, user3, user4, user6 and 12,285 others

f1gossip: 🚨 breaking: carlos sainz, lando norris, charles leclerc, george russell, carmen mundt, and alexandra saint mleux have all been spotted arriving at the victoria’s secret fashion show in support of y/n y/l/n who will be walking in the show tonight

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user12: user8 he’s there 🥹

user8: i fully screamed this news made me so happy

user12: we love to see the support 😭

user15: no bc i’m about to cry. what do you mean all of them flew out to new york when they’re supposed to be in singapore in 3 days to support their girl y/n/n?????

user22: no because they clearly love her so much im sick

user16: this is an elite pull by y/n

user4: this is everything to me i hope you understand

user19: praying this brings good karma to carlos in singapore

user18: y/n is so loved

user8: she really is 😭

user5: things i will never shut up about: this

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lando.jpg: even though carlos told me to close my eyes more times than i could count at the show, i wouldn’t have wanted to spend 24 hours in nyc with anyone else. congrats to y/n - we all love you muppet

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user3: he revived lando.jpg to congratulate his friend this is so sweet

user55: CARLOS TOLD ME TO CLOSE MY EYES IM CRACKING UP

carlossainz55: thanks for coming with me mate! and yes don’t look at my girlfriend

lando.jpg: my bad mate! i forgot i went to the fashion show to not look at any of the fashion

ynuser: carlos 🙄

carlossainz55: 🤭

user9: who is gonna tell carlos that his girl is a model and it’s literally her job to be looked at in crying

ynuser: landito!!!! i can’t express how happy i was to see you all there. thank you for coming my sweet sweet bestie

lando.jpg: y/n/nito!!!! ofc always happy to support you

user8: the way carlando and y/ncarlando are so close is so incredibly important to me

user43: the second pic of y/n and carlos just called me single in 55 different languages

lando.jpg: same

user43: LANDO

oscarpiastri: lily and i wish we could have been there!!! still so proud of you ynuser

ynuser: you were there in spirit, i felt it

use13: i’m not gonna be normal abt this, sorry in advance everyone

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liked by carlossainz55, georgerussell63, scuderiaferrari, sabrinacarpenter, zendaya, carmenmudnt, and 976,374 others

ynuser: last night was unreal, a total dream come true. ever since i started modeling it was a dream of mine to walk in the victoria’s secret fashion show and i did it!! but what made the night even sweeter was all the amazing people who came to support me. to my carlos, thank you for making that happen 🤍 see you all in singapore!! i need a nap 😴

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user2: you were radiant

user5: the peoples princess fr

carlossainz55: anything for you mi angel

ynuser: i’m the luckiest girl in the world

carmenmundt: i’m so glad i got to be there!!! you are a STAR

georgerussell63: what carmen said!

ynuser: thank you carmen and georgie!! i love you both 🫶🏻

alexandrasaintmleux: proud is an understatement

ynuser: 🥹 i’m so thankful for you

user7: she is the moment

user10: i hope you get the best sleep of your life on that trip to singapore

sabrinacarpenter: gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous

ynuser: 🤍

user9: i’m going to miss you when i scroll

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user3: you need a rest ms girl idk how you’re still standing after exams and the vs show and now traveling to singapore

lilymhe: yayyy lemme come find you

ynuser: yesss please!!! i’m with carmen and alex

lilymhe: yay yay yay yay

user6: praying you bring him good luck today! i am SICK of the dutch national anthem

yourbff: did you sleep the whole flight?

ynuser: omg yes thank GOD. pays to have a bf with a private jet

yourbff; GOOD you needed that

lilyzneimer: i’m so glad you’re here with us 🫶🏻 i missed you

ynuser: i missed you more lils

lilyzneimer: truly not possible

user5: i’m here too!!! hoping to see you ms queen

user9: thank god you’re back in the paddock i missed seeing pics of you there

ynuser has made a post

liked by carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari, landonorris, zendaya, yourbff, lilymhe, and 564,133 others

ynuser: carlos sainz!!! el matador!!!!! oh my god i am speechless!! you did that baby 🤍

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user55: CARLOOOOSSSSSSSS

user6: carlos sainz winner of the singapore gp!!!! breaker of the mv win streak!!!

user8: tell me you all saw the clip of her crying while watching him on the podium

user2: might have been the cutest thing i’d ever seen

user8: i hope a love like that finds me

carlossainz55: you brought me some luck mi princessa 🤍

ynuser: no luck needed with a drive like that 😍

landonorris: i made the photo dump 🥹

ynuser: of course you did mr podium man

user9: carlando podium is so important to me

yourbff: congrats carlos!!! truly amazing stuff from you

carlossainz55: gracias y/bff

scuderiaferrari: ❤️❤️❤️

user11: i never thought i would care so much about vroom vroom cars but y/n you have shown me the light

user10: oh i love you two so much

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

a/n: thank you for reading!! likes and reblogs appreciated. i do be slow af on here with these requests,, my apologies y’all

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

disclaimer: pictures are not mine and everything i write is fiction

© norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform

[m0llygunn]

deathbed confessions (eddie munson x fem!reader one-shot)

summary: cold and flu season hits you hard but luckily you have your best friend eddie to take care of you. If the cold medicine makes you admit a few things... eddie sure isn't complaining.

contents: 18+, best friends to lovers, r is dramatically sick with a cold (talks about dying but it's just drama), fluff idk a/n: guys i am so sick help me i had to lay on the bathroom floor after braving a shower because i thought i was gonna die (but also i wrote this so maybe im ok) wc: 4.4k+

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“Holy shit, did Halloween come early?” Eddie snickers from the door of your room.

All you can muster up is a low groan and that alone makes you feel like your head is on the brink of explosion. 

“Jesus, you’re really sick, huh?” he says with the huff of a laugh.

You answer with another groan. Yes. You are 'really sick'.

“Can I do something to help?” he replies, the first hint of empathy appearing in his voice.

“Put me out—” you interrupt yourself with a sniffle followed by a phlegmy cough. “—out of my misery.”

You were supposed to be seeing some double feature with Eddie tonight but yesterday, right before bed, you felt the slightest of tickles in your throat. By morning you were the living dead with everything from your big toe to your forehead aching in one way or another. You called Eddie and before you could even mention that you were sick, he knew from your stuffed up voice. 

No matter how many times you told him you’d be fine he was strangely insistent in checking on you at the very least. By the end of the call he’d quickly worn you down and you told him that he has the spare key and he can do whatever he wants but if he gets sick that's his fault— a little mean but arguing was the last thing you felt like doing.

From the time you hung up to now— which has only been a handful of hours, you’ve gotten substantially worse. Earth shatteringly worse. So terribly worse that the simple task of opening your eyes has been too much effort. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire, and your lungs are just begging for salvation. That’s why when Eddie called twenty minutes ago letting you know he was on his way you told him no. It would have been wise if he listened to you but instead he replied ‘too bad’ and abruptly hung up the phone. 

Cut to twenty minutes later he was at your door, letting himself in. He was willingly walking into his very own death sentence. He clearly thought it was more of a joke than anything.

You hear Eddie’s tell-tale gait as he walks further into your room. You assume that he’s standing over your bed, maybe a hand on the back of his neck, maybe a hand on his hip. Mustering the efforts to confirm your suspicions would take too much of your very limited energy so you continuing laying in your bed, not doing as much as opening an eye.

You hear the ruffle of his hair and he definitely is rubbing the back of his neck as he gauges what to do. 

“So…do you want, like, medicine then?” he asks. 

“A gun,” you croak, earning a deep belly laugh from Eddie.

“At least your humour’s still intact, that’s good to know,” he says, sitting down on the edge of your bed.

You try to shuffle over to make room for him, but that effort alone makes you wince.

“Call an ambulance,” you whine, sniffling pathetically. 

“Really?” he asks, a genuine nervousness creeping into his voice. You feel his hand tug at the blanket you’ve cocooned yourself in, revealing your face for him to see. If you were more cognizant maybe you’d care about Eddie seeing you like this, but you’re too far gone to think about that. 

“No,” you answer, nodding your head up and down in contrast to your answer, earning a huff of relief from Eddie. 

The blanket slackens from his pull and the bed dips deeper as he leans in further to get a better look at you. Once again, if you were more cognizant you’d probably rather he didn’t, but you wouldn’t have the will to fight it anyways.

“Did you take anything?” he asks. 

“It’s been a few hours.”

“Did you eat?”

“Yeah, whipped up a quick 4 course meal earlier, michelin approved of course,” you mumble. You contemplate cracking an eye open to see his reaction but you don’t. 

“Right, so no food.” 

“No, surprisingly not that hungry when you’re on your deathbed,” you say, sniffling.

“Tell me you’ve at least had water,” he says and from his tone you know that he already knows the answer. 

“I had water until the bottle was empty, then I decided I’d rather succumb to death than get out of bed,”

“Funny, funny girl,” he says dryly, obviously not impressed by your answers. 

“Tombstone quote,” you say weakly, hoping that Eddie gets what you mean. He laughs softly and you consider that enough of a success. 

You hear the slightest bit of shuffling, not Eddie getting up but more like he’s looking around your room. Whatever state it’s in, you couldn’t even work up the courage to care. 

“Do you want a movie on or something?” he asks, breaking the lull in conversation. 

“Would you do that?” you ask, tilting your face towards him despite not opening your eyes. 

“Oh yeah. I’m giving you the mortally ill special— the deathbed works, if you will,” he says, and you can tell he’s smiling. You do your best to smile back but it’s weak and probably looks more like a grimace. 

You feel shuffling before the bed rises from Eddie standing.

“Okay, so I’m gonna get you medicine first. Then movie, food, and whatever else, deal?”

Your lower lip pouts out appreciatively for the boy you’ve called your best friend for forever now. If you weren’t deathly ill, you’d kiss him.

“Thank you, Eddie,” you whisper, voice getting caught in your throat for an entirely different reason than your cold this time. 

He mumbles back some version of ‘don’t worry about it’ before he’s off, leaving you in the quiet of your room with only your breathing, coughing, and sniffling breaking the silence. It’s barely a few minutes before you hear his footsteps and the edge of your bed dips again. 

“This is what you took right? The cold and flu medicine?”

“Mhm” you hum.

“You have nasal congestion?”

You sniffle loudly and nod.

“Right. Nasal pain, sinus congestion, and sinus pain?”

You hum again, catching onto the fact that he’s reading the symptoms off of the box. 

“Chest congestion?”

Weakly you swat your hand out trying to find Eddie. When you do, you give him the weakest of taps. “Too many questions,” you muster. 

“Well, I know you’re joking about dying but I don’t want to actually kill you,” he says. You hum again.

You hear him fumbling with the cardboard before fumbling with the plastic pill packaging.

“Do you wanna sit up?” he asks.

“I want to die,”

“Well you can’t do that so I’m gonna help you sit up, okay?”

Eddie starts tugging at the blanket and you let your weakened limbs go limp, undoubtedly making the task much harder for him but he doesn’t say anything. Eventually, he pulls you up by your underarms, propping you up against your headboard. 

When you feel his cool hands on your forehead, pushing your hair back and out of your face, you open your eyes for the first time since Eddie got here. 

“There she is,” he laughs lightly, still pushing back the disheveled mess that is your hair.

“Your hands feel nice,” you whisper, focusing on the coolness on your skin. Before you have a chance to really absorb the relief of his hands on your skin, he pulls away, grabbing for the water he had set down on your bedside table. 

“Yeah, you’re really hot,” he replies, passing the water to you.

“Tombstone quote,” you say, catching his eye, making him laugh again. With a shaky hand, you take the water.

“Funny and hot, that’s a killer deal.” He hands you the little cold and flu pill and you place it in your mouth, swallowing it down with small sips of the cold water that feels like ice going down your throat. 

You redirect your gaze to Eddie, “you’re gonna get sick, that’s the real killer here,” you say. 

“I’ll be fine,”

“You don’t want this cold, trust me,” you say, taking another sip of water before holding it out to Eddie. 

“I’ll be fine,” he repeats as he takes the water, putting it back on your bedside table. 

You nod. You appreciate Eddie’s help more than anything. Fending for yourself wasn’t exactly going so well— clearly.

“You had this with your other stuff, do you want it?” he asks, holding up the vicks vapor rub.

When you felt the cold coming on you went to the pharmacy and picked up a few things just in case. The vapor rub was on sale and you bought it on a whim but haven’t tried it yet.

“Do you think it really works?”

“Wayne used to put it on me, I guess it does?”

“Where do you put it?”

“On your chest or back,” he answers, looking at the fine print of the packaging. “Yeah, it says chest, throat, and back.”

You open your mouth to reply but instead feel the creeping up of the tickling in your throat. Turning the other way, you do your best to not cough all over Eddie. Sucking in a deep breath, you only trigger another cough that divulges into one of many coughing attacks that you’ve had today. When you’re finally done, you drop your head to the back of the headboard in defeat. 

“C’mon, let’s try it on your back for now,” he says, putting a hand on your shoulder encouraging you to lean forward. You move how he wants you without protest.

“I’m just gonna lift up your shirt a bit, okay?” he says, you nod but he pauses, fingers just barely slipping under the hem of your shirt.

“Eddie, with the way I’m feeling, you could see me butt ass naked right now and I could not care less,” you say. 

He snorts a laugh before his cool fingers trail up your spine giving you tingles that make you shiver. “Sorry,” he hums but you shake your head. His hand makes contact with your upper back, rubbing the ointment on your skin and it honestly feels incredibly soothing. Whether it’s the rub or the physical contact, you’re not sure, but you’re not questioning it either.

The noise that comes out of you could have been a moan had you not been congested. Instead it comes out like a low, stuffed up groan— not unlike a movie zombie. 

Eddie rubs a few more circles on your back before his hand travels back down your spine. 

“How’s that feel?” he asks, helping you sit back up straight.

“So fucking good and like I need you to rub my back like that again,” you say, resting your head back against the headboard. Maybe you put a little too much conviction in your words but that truly felt amazing.

The room is silent and you blink open your eyes to see Eddie holding the tub of rub in his hands, paused halfway through closing it. It takes a moment for him to look up at you but when he does, he smiles softly.

“What movie do you wanna watch?”

Had you not been distracted by your sickness, you might have noticed the faintness of a blush spreading across the tops of Eddie’s cheeks. Coughing and forcing air back into your lungs takes up every ounce of your consciousness though, so you don’t notice. 

You shrug your shoulder taking a deep breath, “anything, I’ll probably pass out from the medicine anyways,” you reply, turning away again to cough. 

Eddie hums before he’s moving to your dresser opposite your bed, angling the TV for you to see it better. 

“Sixteen Candles, Children of the Corn, Gremlins, Teen Wolf?” he says, listing off the titles of the different tapes you have sprawled next to the vcr. 

“Any.” 

“Gremlins seems kind of relevant,” he says, pulling open the clamshell box.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you ask. Eddie turns to you, smirk spreading across his lips.

“Nothing,” he sings lightly. He turns away from you, pushing the tape into the player and then pressing the combination of buttons to get it working. 

“You better not be implying that I look like a gremlin because—” you interrupt yourself with another cough that quickly divulges into yet another coughing fit— worse than the last. 

With each cough being so strong it makes your head pound. You don’t notice Eddie crossing your room or him settling back on the edge of your bed. You only notice his presence when he’s encouraging you forward, hand rubbing your back again. 

When your coughing finally calms down enough for you to take a good breath, Eddie brings the glass of water up for you to take a sip. You take the cup in your hands, guiding it to your mouth. At the same time, Eddie never fully lets go of the cup, making sure it doesn’t spill. You take a drink, nodding when you’re done and he sets it back down, hand still running up and down your back. 

“It’s probably just the rub working, getting all that nasty stuff out,” he says softly. 

You nod again, letting your head fall to rest on Eddie’s shoulder. It’s probably not the smartest idea to be so close to him because you're pretty much sentencing him to his demise, but with how terrible you feel you’re desperate for anything to make it better— and right now the only thing making anything better is Eddie. 

“The medicine’ll kick in any minute and you’ll feel much better, okay? I’ll go get you something to eat and then I can rub your back some more. How’s that sound?” he says softly, brushing the edge of your face with his chin as he tilts his face downwards towards yours. 

Your lower lip pouts out again and you feel your eyes water behind your closed lids. Maybe you were already hyper emotional from feeling so sick, but Eddie being so sweet is also doing a number on you.

“Sounds really nice,” you whisper, sucking in a breath.

“You’ll be okay,” Eddie whispers, hand switching from rubbing up and down your back to rubbing circles at the top of your back. “I’ll take care of you, I got you.”

Before the tears in your eyes have a chance to breach your waterline, Eddie’s shifting beside you, leaning you back against the headboard with the promise of being quick while he gets you food. Only once he’s gone and you’re left alone in your room do you notice Gremlins has already started playing. Opening your eyes, you spare a few glances at the screen that distract you from your teary eyed state.

As Eddie promised, he was pretty quick in his return. You could hear him the whole time, kitchen utensils clanking and cupboard doors closing. Maybe all concept of time is lost on you right now, but it seemed like barely any time had passed before he was taking slow, careful steps back towards your room.

“Alright— got that soup you like, got crackers, and got you some juice,” Eddie announces as he situates the dishware on your bedside table. “I even made sure not to warm the soup too much so you can eat it right away,” he says.

Eyes closed again, you don’t know what you expected him to do but him manhandling you took you by surprise. A hand slid behind your back and another under your upper thighs, he was sliding you right over on the mattress.

“Just giving myself some space here,” he says absentmindedly as he fixes your blanket around you. He quickly settles in next to you before grabbing the sleeve of crackers and settling them in front of you and grabbing the bowl of soup.

Sitting with his legs stretched out next to yours, you let your head dip to his shoulder again, this time like a silent thank you where you cozy your head against him, not unlike a cat.

“For the record, you’re more like Gizmo,” he says, a tease intruding in his voice.

“Hm?” you hum questioningly.

“You don’t look like a gremlin, you’re cute like Gizmo,” he says.

You sink your face further into the crook of Eddie's shoulder, lip jetting out once more. He’s done nothing more than call you a cute gremlin rather than an evil gremlin, yet you feel yourself turning misty eyed yet again. This time you squeeze your eyes shut, closing them on purpose, hiding your sickness induced emotions.

“Soups gonna get cold,” Eddie says, twisting his neck to look at you again. “C’mon, it’ll be better for you if you eat it warm,” he says, using his free arm to move you.

Once you’re finally propped up again in an appropriate position to eat, you feel Eddie’s hand on your cheek— no doubt becoming aware of your tears.

“You okay?” he asks softly, thumb rubbing under your cheek.

“You’re being so nice to me,” you explain, sniffling back your need to cry.

“Just taking care of you. Want you to feel better,” he replies, keeping his voice quiet. 

“Thank you, Eddie.”

“You don’t gotta thank me, just gotta eat your soup, okay Gizmo?” Eddie says, making you snort out a snotty laugh before sucking it all back in with an apology that he quickly dismisses. 

You take a few breaths, getting your tears under control. Shifting your focus to the soup, Eddie holds the bowl close to you while you slowly feed yourself spoonful after spoonful. 

“Crackers?” Eddie offers.

“Maybe one.”

“How ‘bout two?” he replies, peeling back the plastic and pulling two out for you. You nod softly before taking them from him. 

You feel yourself running out of energy and it’s exasperating that all it took was lifting a spoon to your lips a measly few times. When you let the crackers sit in your lap for too long, Eddie turns to look at you, resting the bowl of soup down in his lap. 

“Y’okay?” he asks.

“Tired,” you answer. 

“Just finish those and you can be done, okay?” he says, meeting your gaze. You shake your head.

“Can’t,” you reply.

“You can,” he says, turning his torso to put the bowl of soup on the table. He turns back around, reaching for the crackers in your hand. “Know you can,” he repeats, bringing the crackers to your lips.

“Eddie—” you try to protest.

“Bite,” he says, cutting you off and nudging the cracker into your mouth. 

You bite, giving into him. It feels weird being hand fed. It’s probably even weirder when two bites in you close your eyes in an effort to conserve your energy. Regardless, Eddie doesn’t say anything besides positive affirmations about how good you’re doing which you really, really appreciate. 

“How about you drink some of this,” he says, reaching for the glass of juice as you chew the last bite of cracker. “Then I’ll help you lay down and I can rub your back s’more?”

“You don’t have to if you wanna go home, you've been here a long time,” you say, swallowing the dryness of the cracker down. 

Eddie lifts the cup of juice to your lips, tipping it back for you to sip at. When you take more than a few drinks, you lift a hand lightly pushing the cup away. Blinking your eyes open you look at Eddie as he returns the cup to sit with the other dishware on your bedside table. 

“I’m serious, Eddie. You can go home if you want,”

“Don’t want to,”

“You’re gonna be— you interrupt yourself with a yawn this time. “—gonna be so sick,” you say groggily.

“Just let me cuddle you, you know you want it,” he says, a teasing tone hinting in his voice. You blink open your eyes again to see a genuine smile as he looks at you—one that shouldn’t be there considering how gross you feel and are sure you look. Despite that, it’s there and you do want cuddles so you nod softly, making a weak, sad attempt at getting closer to Eddie.

Eddie meets your attempt by gently pulling you down the mattress. He maneuvers you to have your head resting on his chest while his arm snakes around you, rubbing circles on your back. With the sleepiness settling in and your cold symptoms dialing back due to the medicine, you can’t help but hum happily. 

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he says quietly.

It feels beyond good. Good is an understatement. Having him take care of you like this is making you feel mushy and only highlights your feelings for Eddie. In combination with your partially delusionally, sleepy state the only thing on your mind is expressing your feelings, all of them true no matter how far out of it you are at this point. 

“Eddie, if I die, just know that I love you,” you mutter into the fabric of his shirt. 

“That’s just the cold medicine talking,” Eddie laughs softly. You find the energy to shake your head.

“Nuh-uh, love you,” you repeat. “Love you so much.”

It’s faint, maybe he whispered it or maybe it’s the fact that you were slipping into sleep but you heard it. 

“I love you too,” he says quietly. 

As if those words gave you a short lived second life, it had you perking up, desperately needing to clarify just in case he didn’t understand. 

“But Eddie I love you as my best friend but also more than that— I love you so much.”

He leaves you in silence but you don’t have the clear consciousness to overthink it, you just keep talking.

“I don’t even care if you don’t like me like that, I love you Eddie.”

“I love you too. Love you a lot, but I think we should talk about this when you’re not tired and on cold medicine, okay?” he whispers softly. 

As your thoughts start to drift, you focus on the first half of Eddie's sentiment. He loves you— and he loves you a lot. With that on your mind, intermixed with the comforting friction of his hand on your back, you fall into the deepest and most comfortable sleep of your life despite being so sick. Eddie loves you. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Arguably, the best thing that came out of your cold was your confession. It was bound to happen eventually and although it did sort of seem like a deathbed confession at the time, it was genuine— that of which you clarified for Eddie. To your fortune, he also clarified that his reply was true as well. Beyond that, you were still sick and neither of you had done much more than just sharing those little words that one night. So yes, arguably, that's the best thing that came out of your sickly state; however, in your opinion, you think the best thing that happened was that you got Eddie sick too. 

It was less than a day after you started feeling normal again that Eddie was running a fever. He ended up staying at your place for the majority of your sickness but he had left once to get some things for himself. Since he had his stuff here already, you offered for him to stay over at yours while you returned the favor of playing doctor. 

Eddie took on a much different position as a sick person than you did. Undeniably, you both were on the dramatic end of things but while your cynical humour came out during your time being sick, Eddie was much different in how expressed himself.

Normally, a very touchy feely person, his affectionate side heightened tenfold while he was sick. He was all grabby hands, wanting you closer to him. Maybe it was because the two of you had broken the touch barrier while you were sick or maybe Eddie just turned into a touch deprived baby when he was sick, you’ll never know, but you didn’t deny him of the cuddles that you so dearly appreciated while you were under the weather. 

The most interesting part— which shouldn't have came as a surprise, was that not only did he appreciate holding you, but he intensely appreciated you holding him, whether that be hands scratching his head as he rested it on your stomach, or your arms wrapped around him from behind making him the little spoon. Additionally, he was also incredibly affectionate with his words, constantly telling you how grateful he was for you and how much he appreciated you. 

Your favourite confession came late one night, probably at the peak of his sickness. Fairly similar to your deathbed confession, but a moment to remember regardless.

You had just finished helping him eat, similar to how he had done for you, and were cuddling with him, smoothing your hands over his side as he rested his head on your chest. 

The medicine was kicking in, making him drowsy, eyes fluttering shut as he let sleep take him over. He had kept babbling random thoughts but as he got more and more tired he was eventually reduced to heavy breaths. That was, until he titled his face up to yours. You looked down at him, meeting his sleepy eyes.

“I love you,” he said. “Love you so much.”

“Love you too, Eddie,” you replied, smiling.

“But I love you so much,” he said, voice returning to its babbling cadence. “Love you so much I wanna kiss you and love you and—” his babbling started to slowly fade as his head got heavier on your chest. You couldn’t help but laugh softly as your heart swelled.

You smoothed a hand over his face, brushing back his hair as you stared at him with nothing but love for your very, very sick boy. Like you had given him a second wind, his babbling started up again. 

“Wanna marry you. Love you so much wanna marry you,” he said, words slurring.

“Think you’ll have to ask me on a date first, cutie,” you replied quietly, partially under the impression that he was already asleep. 

“I will. Love you so much, I will,” he mumbled and with that, he was out like a light. 

From there, the rest was history. If curious minds were to inquire, you would say that Eddie’s always been very good at keeping his promises, and mindless babbling or not, he meant every word that he confessed in his sickly, drowsy state. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

thank you! <3

[makethemhoesmad]

thank you mommy- a.f.

@iminlovewithpaigebueckers and i writing duos to push the mommy azzi agenda

—

“princess, you’ve actually been working on whatever the fuck this is for houurrss” azzi whines from my bed. she’s referring to the studying i’ve been doing, which she is absolutely pissed about. 

“sorry baby, you can go to bed if you want?” i’m gonna be up for quite a while still, and there’s no point keeping her awake too.

“no,” she crosses her arms and pouts, “i don’wanna go to sleep without you princess” 

i roll my eyes and turn back to my computer. i really can’t afford to lose time, even if it’s with azzi. i’m so engrossed in the material i’m reading i don’t notice azzis gotten up and moved under my desk until i feel her warm hands separate my thighs. 

“mm, az, whatcha doin?” i whimper out. i’m only wearing a t-shirt, her t-shirt.

“shh, ignore me pretty. since all you wanna do is study, go ahead”

i try to turn back to my material, but my mind is anywhere but biology when i feel azzis tongue on my clit through my panties. the words blur in front of me as her fingers come up and pull my panties off. her tongue immediately sweeps between my folds, making me wriggle.

“ah, azzi, i can’t focus when you’re uh- doing that”

she doesn’t answer besides letting out a guttural groan that vibrates my core. i cry out, feeling something in my stomach give out. as im about to question her, beg, do something, i feel two of her long fingers stretch me open. i move my hand down to grab the back of her head, and she grabs it and puts it back onto the desk. i grumble in protest.

“a second ago you were gonna make me sleep on my own because you were studying. did that change because i made you cum? is that what i’m good for” as she spits those words out, her fingers hit a spot and im coming again. she stuffs her fingers into my mouth, and i lick them clean eagerly.

“okay, slut, listen. you’ve ignored me all fucking day to study, and now that i get so desperate for you i have to take matters into my own hands, then you decide you want me? do you want to go back to your work, or do you wanna make mommy proud?”

i try to stand up, but azzi presses her hands firmly against my thighs to prevent me. 

“i want you to tell me which one you want, alright?”

i shift in my chair, trying to hide how turned on i am. she takes her fingers out of my mouth, letting me speak freely.

“i wanna make you proud mommy, please.”

she grins, taking her hands away from me and dropping her pants, showing that she’s wearing nothing under them. 

“okay pretty, i want you sitting naked on the bed in thirty seconds, or you’ll be making love to those papers for the next week.”

she disappears into my closet, giving me limited time to rip off my shirt and lean against the pillows on my bed. azzi comes out, having discarded her top and slipped on something i know well, her strap.

“well, don’t you look pretty, mommy’s little slut all ready for me.” she sits on the edge of the bed and pulls me towards her, lifting me onto her lap, right on the strap.

“so good for me, warming my cock and looking so fuckable for me princess” i whine at her words, leaning my face into her shoulder and taking mouthful, while rotating my hips over her. she moves her hands from where they were sitting, on my waist, to cup my tits. she keeps her hand around one, and brings the other to her lips. just as she closes them around it, she jumps her hips up. i cry out, feeling a knot form in my stomach. she releases my nipple and pushes me down onto her, causing moans to fall from my lips. i come for the third thing tonight and fall against azzi, exhausted.

“good fucking girl, riding my cock like it’s fucking yours” 

i grunt against her, pressing my face into her neck as a sign that id like to go to sleep. she pulls me off of her lap, causing me to groan at the emptiness inside of me. she slips off her strap, walking it to the bathroom for us to clean in the morning. 

“okay princess, one more thing”

i groan, not sure i can take anything more,when she slowly slots our legs together as she pushes me down. I can feel our wetness pressing against each other as her hips grind her onto me. the pleasure that washes through my body is euphoric and entirely overstimulating. i can barely keep my eyes open as they grow heavy with the need for sleep and the overstimulation combating the need for her to never, ever stop. Her hands hold me down at the waist as she rides my clit with no mercy. my body quickly begins to spasm as i reach another orgasm. “baby i need you to wait for me” she whines at the pressure of our grinding clits brings her closed. Tears brim in my eyes as I hold on desperately. It takes her a few more moments to reach her finish. “Be a good girl and cum for mommy like the perfect little slut you are.” As those words leave her lips, i falll apart. While my body shakes and my breathing finally starts to slow down, i feel hers start to do that same.

the bed was made earlier, so she moves us right under the blankets. azzi tucks her arms around me and puts her face against my stomach. the feel of her hot breath on me starts to lull me to sleep, along with a dull aching between my legs.

“thank you mommy,” i whisper, running a hand through azzis hair.

“you’re so welcome, my princess.

[nmakii]

AND BRUSH, AND BRUSH MY HAIR

— chigiri hyoma x long haired!reader

alt title: chigiri would be my bff bf!!! sighs me and my waist length hair against the world

well… obviously he loves your long hair. he thinks it frames your face perfectly >_<

one of the best past times to spend tgt as a couple is being in his lap while he brushes your hair out. if your hair is long because it’s a hassle to always get a haircut, he wont let you braid his hair in return. :x only if you love your hair as much as he does teehee

++ if you guys ever share an apartment and bathroom, the shelf is gonna be full of hair products…

also loves to shampoo your hair if you’re too tired to do it… something super intimate about letting him exfoliate your scalp as his finger thread through the tangles in your hair. it’s a simple luxury that only you and he’d know the pleasure of

he luvs trying out hair hacks with you. “babe..! i just saw this hack that says your hair grows healthier and longer faster if you use rosemary oil and rice water..! …where’s the rosemary?”

he thinks ur long hairs perfect… doesnt want you to ever cut it… and if you do end up cutting it, it’s gonna be like that meme “told my girl not to cut her hair. she did it anyway and she looked fine af. this is why women shouldnt listen to their man”

if you ever have an important event going on, and you need to look glammed up, he’s MORE than happy to wake up at 5 AM or whatever to style your hair. he luvs u ofc <3

“it’s not too tight, is it?” chigiri asks as he ties the braid he tied on the side, holding your hair from getting into your face. “yeah, it’s perfect, hyo. thank you.” you hum.

“right. well, good luck at your party, babe. hopefully there isn’t someone who tries to steal you away from me while im not there.” he huffs. “heeh, good luck at your game too, tonight. and don’t worry, ill tell them im taken by a gorgeous man.” you enunciate your words, buttering him up and making his heart turn into jelly.

chigiri abashedly, yet smugly grins. “tch… gorgeous? more like drop-dead charming…”

you scoff, taking your purse as he walks you to the door. “hmm… hyo, what would you do if i wanted to cut my hair?” you ask. of course it was a hypothetical, but it was something you were seriously starting to concern…

“haah? how come? you’re super pretty with it, i won’t like brushing your hair if it’s short..” he huffs, the frown on his pretty lips making him seem adorable. “i know… i like my hair too, but i feel like it’s getting too long… like, there has to be a limit somewhere, right?”

he shakes his head. “well…if you like it, you shouldn’t cut it. when it comes to you, you could have obnoxiously long hair like rapunzel— like, to the point where it’s in my face when we cuddle, and ill still think you should grow it longer.” he hums, a hand unconsciously finding its way to you. “plus, why cut it when it makes your title as ‘world’s prettiest girl’ so much more obvious to everyone else?”

he’s trying to spoil you with compliments. he knows that getting you weak in the head would let him get his way. of course he definitely doesn’t use this power for evil… this was just a desperate occasion. “i mean… once, i dropped my pen, so i bent down to get it… and my hair was on my arm, and i thought it was a lizard and i jumped..!” you recount a story from two weeks ago.

“…pfft… ahaha..!” he laughs. “that just means you should keep your hair out of your face… see? a simple braid like what i did for you right now would be enough.” he rebuts your reasons for cutting your hair.

“…whatever.” you groan. “im still on the fence about whether i should do it anyway.” chigiri nods. “well then, don’t cut it. it’d be like you’re cutting a part of my soul away.”

you scoff. dramatic, much? chigiri rolls his eyes at your disbelief. “you laugh, but i’m serious..! just let me be a little bit selfish… and, don’t cut your hair…” he pleads.

[marrycv]

Pick up your phone!

paring : toxic!ellie x toxic!reader

warnings : Mention of weed, alcohol. Ellie’s punishment with sex. Mention of nudes. Oral (e!receiving), fingering (r!reveiving). Language, nicknames such as : slut, doll, angel, baby, bitch, motherfocker (and others). mention of yn like twice. Mention of cheating and lying and many other bad things 😅. Ellie and reader are NOT healthy, do not romanticize their relationship, its fucked up. Porn w out plot? (kinda). Both reader and ellie are mean and does fucked up shit. 18+

summary : You wait Ellie again. she’s late for 4 hours and she wants to make it up to you. But you didn’t want to fall in her arms this time- which you obviously lost at trying to do. Ellie’s mad and has a punishment for you when she was in the wrong, and you had every right to be mad at her.

kinda a scrap this is bad 🙏

short asf

you :

00:12 - Ellie, where are you?

00:34 - Ellie istg answer me!!

1:02 - c’mon you said you’d come over today

Els 🖕🏻:

1:55 - im omw

1:57 - dont bother.

2:01 - im sorry im late

2:01 - you’re always sorry, dont come home and go fuck one of your stupid fangirls

2:02 - im coming over

2:02 - i said no

2:03 - c’mon lemme make it up to you 💋

2:05 - im gonna block you

2:32 - yn? !message not delivered!

“fuck” Ellie mumbled under her breath, going out of the studio and jumps in her Truck. going over speed’s limit and then knocking hard enough on your apartment to wake up everyone else in the combo.

you get up from your bed, unable to sleep due to waiting for her all night.

you open your door and when you see Ellie standing in front of it, smelling weed and alcohol, you know she wasn’t gonna be easy to deal with tonight.

“Ellie go home, its 3 in the morning…”

“cmon let me in baby” she said in a whisper, almost sounding like a whine.

You and Ellie’s relationship was complicated- that was what you were saying to your friends, because the amount of time you two broke up, that she cheated on you, that you would expose her nudes on internet, that she would sleep with a stranger just to piss you off and somehow you’d still let her come back in your arms- as she did the same with you. you would do shitty things as well, like saying to all of her fans that the concert was cancelled or that it changed location. you could also post on twitter her worse secrets when you learned that she cheated on you. you’d also make up lies about some random stuff just to get a revenge out of her.

but mostly she would just fuck up your trust for her like coming home 4 hours later or cheating on the infinite amount of girls. she’d also love bomb you to get you back and then would disappear for weeks. she also showed all of her band’s member the sextape she got of you- and you knew after Dina, the base player told it to you. You and ellie would randomly call eachothers- especially when she or you were under something, most likely weed or alcohol but sometimes something else. It wasnt rare that you would make her jealous and posting a story of you and a girl on instagram and she’d come over to fuck you dumb. only to wake up alone in the bed.

“ellie please i just wanna sleep tonight, no fight.”

“and please i just wanna say sorry, no fight.” Ellie answered, thinking she was a smart girl for this one

you rolled your eyes.

“are you even able to walk?” you asked her, seeing her flushed cheeks and her eyes red like hell

“of course i am baby, im okay.. please let me just make it up to you im so sorry im late”

“no youre not! because you wouldve told me you’d come home late or you wouldve just told me that you were busy!!!”

“im so sorry..” she says in a childish tone, just as if she was mocking you for being so mad.

“fuck off els”

Ellie rolled her eyes and made her way inside, taking steps closer to you.

“dont talk to me like that.” Ellie says, looking right into your eyes- mood changing suddenly, she didnt get the answer she wanted.

“you dont show up 4 hours late, bitch”

Ellie’s jaw tightened and she looked at you furiously

“tell me you just wanted to fuck me Ellie.”

“dont you ever call me ‘bitch’ again.”

“or what? you’re gonna leave? that already happened, i can survive it.”

“nah.. im gonna give you a lesson.”

“the fuck you mean?”

“get on your knees” Ellie said, tone demanding.

“i wont do shit you ask me to do Ellie.” you say scared of what she’s gonna ask you to do. you have some suspicions, but your mind is overthinking about so many possibilities.

Ellie puts her hands on your shoulders and force you to get you on your knees. She looks at you from down and she takes off her pants along with her boxers.

“you know what to do now.” Ellie tells you, intertwining her fingers with your hair, pulling you closer to her pussy. You start to give her short licks, obviously nothing enough for her.

“I swear to god you motherfucker if you dont do what-“

Ellie started but got cut off with one of her whines by you sucking her clit like your life depended on it. Your knees hurts, but her grip in your hair is too strong for you to move. your holding her by the thighs, moaning against her cunt by how good she tastes. obviously pussydrunk by her. and the perfect little grunts she would make made you so fucking wet. her hips would be jerking against your face, riding your tongue the best she could to chase your high. Ellie would never tell you, but you ever were the only one to make her cum. she knew that it would make your ego so much too high if she told you that on countless girls you were the only one able to please her. you know her sweet spots and she wasnt scared to be vulnerable with you. she always was. and you always were too.

“Fuck- fuck.. just like that, yeah”

her grunts would turn into whines and her whines into small moans. Ellie wasnt that much of a loud girl, but you knew if she was vocal- it was good. it made you laugh, sending vibrations through her clit.

“Im gonna- fuckkk!!” she moans out as she cums in your mouth. you still suck her clit as she rides your tongue for her high to be longer.

you get up from your knees and ellie kisses you, tasting herself on your tongue. the kiss turns rapidly messy and rough. Ellie would hold you by the hips, directing you by the bed. as soon as you touched the bed, she made you lay down on it and she got on top of you, still making out with you. her kisses got on your jaw until your neck. she then took a pause to look at you. you were eye doying her- she would always win. you were her little slut.

“only needed my” puts a finger into your core “fingers to shut that attitude huh?”

she takes off your shirt- which you were braless under it. peaking already your tits, ellie titled her head, smirking

“you got ready for me, doll?”

you nodded, wanting more of her.

“nuh huh, words baby, i want words.” she told you as the sucked one of your nipples as one of her hand was massaging the other breast. as her other hand was working on your clit to make you feel sooo good.

“j-just for you els!” you obey to her request, only wanting her to go faster.

“faster el- faster!!” you try to manage to tell her.

“faster huh?” Ellie says as she just slows her pace of her fingers brushing against that sweet spot of yours.

“please ellie!!” you beg for her to go faster as she just slows down again and again.

“i didnt say you’d get a good time Baby, this is your punishment, as deserved.”

“please.. ill be good Ellie- never gonna be m-mean with you ever” you faked promised her, just needed to tell her whatever she wanted to hear.

“yeah? you’d do this for me, angel?” Ellie asks as shes at only one finger, completely ruining you. completely making you cry for more- needing more.

“id do anything- just please fuck me ellie, fuck me.”

-

2 days after this huge mistake. You and Ellie started to do this kind of thing all the time. She’d piss you off, you’d be mad, she’d become madder for something she made you mad at- and would finish as sex. the only way you two did work out with.

she made you feel so good and you made her feel better.

This was unhealthy, but she was so addictive.

she’d come home in the middle of the night- wouldnt care if you were deep asleep or had a party- she’d take care of that pussy no matter what. Her songs would be about you two relationships.

Everyone liked it.

and you were happy you had such a big impact that she wrote- and sang about you.

But she didnt see you that pretty- you were her fucking toy.

14:01 : why the fuck did you say that i was toxic in your song?

15:56 : because you are.

15:59 : fuck you els

16:01 : you wish <3

16:01 : you’re the toxic one in our relationship

16:30 : 💀💀 hell nah

16:31 : Ellie how many times did you cheat on me?

17:23 : babe, we were on break how many times do i get to tell you that?

17:23 : anyways i gtg ill see you tonight ;)

She wasnt easy and you werent either.

but whatever, she has become way more famous than ever.

she’d send you those pictures before a show, trying to make you come to one (which you did but didnt tell her).

“does that feel good els?” you say as your face was in between her thighs, on your knees just like how she loved you like that.

“fuck babe dont stop!!” Ellie would tell you into a soft tone, not so much like that little ‘dominant’ cover she’s making everyone believe she was. she was always the one screaming your name over and over.

she then would make you see heaven with her cock filling you up, camera in one hand and the other one on your breast. She’d look at it all the time, rolling circles on her clit whenever she missed you and you blocked her so she couldnt ask you for any nudes- she has better, she could literally see you in action getting fucked by her.

she loved you, that was why she was so fucked up at showing it.

and you just were getting revenge for how she made you feel.

But in a way you two belonged together.

But she’d still use you for your amazing body and how good your tongue felt against her cunt.

you were her little stress reliever. (you’d let her do whatever she wanted to you- you’d just never tell her that)

request are open 💋

[itsmorpheusho]

tw: war,politics

hey yall. watch the matrix if you doubt shit. it's not real DUH, but my bro morpheus got some good advice. and don't listen to the red piller ignorant repubs. they don't know they're on the blue, they think they're woke, but they call us that and are just projecting how they're not. everything's a code. shifting is a formula and to do it, its pretty much belief + yourself = shift. rage against the machine be real asf- wake up. trippy shit, but seriously, some of these fictional dystopian realities, are actually damn near non fiction. not totally, because it's fiction, but it's not to far off. if it's hard? simplify it. nothing is hard. it's just your perception of it. apply murphy's law = if it can happen, it will. we all know for a fact shifting is real and you CAN do it, so therefore you will. if you reverse murphy's law, and think you can't, then damn straight- you can't shift. but if you believe you can? you will dumb ass. law means law. it might take your time to reprogram your mind with all of the bullshit limits SOCIETYAHUAHFU/j has put on you, but let's be so fr. we are so conditioned to be nihilist. i woke up from that. now im persuing being a fucking engineer as a WOMAN and im joining the military that's been a dream of mine. though there are war threats, i know, i'm not stopping myself from denying myself of my dreams and im going to make something out of myself here. i have finally come to terms with this shit cr. i just said fuck it and i raised my gpa hell, changed my major and i am getting out of my abusive household. they said i couldn't but i can. they made me think school was stupid. but i realized who i was, am- a pretentious smartass nerd who was just insecure about it, i didn't try. i dug myself into a hole because i wanted to be a cool art major, when i am a fucking logician. i was drowning but i got out. if i can realize that? i can shift bro. i can enter the void bro. im getting out before fuck ass trump becomes president so i can persue being a badass engineer nasa bitch in my home reality without the constant threat of war nagging at my back. because it's like we are in the fucking interstellar film, our world is going to shit. so? im leaving. so i can be financially free, have my Ph.D. already. i also made myself a Yale graduate there because I could have done it here, but I fucked up my grades because i listened to those who said i couldn't, because I'm a woman, it's too hard, and I didn't try. now i will never stop trying. the spiraling doom of donald j for joke trump and war with my job won't stop me either. my country is headed into shit and im not gonna see it, the worse it gets on the news the closer i get to waking up home. FUCK THAT, i have already entered the void and I am home. fuck the red pillers. they are the blue pillers. im not staying in a reality where they send me off to who knows where to fight for who knows who when I just want to be a pilot, work for nasa or something, make my grandpa proud that i finally joined the navy. in my reality my service is done, im loved and feel free. no more war. in 2025 lets gtfo. watch the matrix, blade runner, interstellar, whatever to motivate yourself. they all realized they had it in them all along. the red pillers? the dumb ass repubs? they're calling themselves that because they are quite simply projecting, because they know they are NOT that. they are the people turning my country to shit. idc if they call me woke. im leaving either way. im not giving up either. you either are or you aren't, you believe or you don't, sure its getting me a minute to wake up from my nihilist ass ways, my logical ass formula reliant ass brain: but if you are like me and you dread the future here- stop. your shifting tonight, which equals you wont be here. everything is math. so why do you care? stop worrying. murphys law. you can shift. you can enter the void. so you WILL. say goodbye, because you are already gone. think of shifting, understand it and turn it into a formula you can understand. make it easy for yourself. dumbass.

[nutlessspeedrun]

I mean, sweet thing, you absolutely could never cum again - a good toy like you? We all know you'd love hearing that someone was gonna use you for their own pleasure, and that they'd make sure you never went over the edge once. Bet you'd get soooo desperate and beg so pretty after a bit like that.

I am gonna gently disagree with that last ask, though. I think you absolutely should know when the last time you ever cum is, so you can feel it building and remember what you're giving away. You'd just have to hope it was a very good one to finish on. Bet someone could work you over until you were begging them to take allllll the rest of the orgasms you could have had away, just as long as they let you cum then.

As for mean... darling. You're the silly goose who decided to set limits on how much they could cum this year, not me. I think you're being meaner to yourself here than I am by being amused at your denial- but you being desperate because of your own choices is cute as hell, so please continue 💌

(My personal vote on when to end your denial streak is the 24th, for the record. Give you a whole week to enjoy as many of your remaining orgasms as you want, and then you can have that long streak to kick off the year that you wanted.)

waaaah!! you want me to hold all this cum in for more than two additional weeks?? in top of the month and a week ive already held it all in?? i can barely keep it all in as is!! i dont know if i can do ittt

im trying so hard to be good and wait until i beat my longest denial streak, but its so fucking harddddd... i was made to edge myself 30 times in a row tonight, and then i was told to make myself cum... but even as wet and hard and throbby as i was, i just. couldn't. cummm... and i tried, i really did! but it just wouldn't have been right >_<

so here i am. whining and rubbing so fast and hard, and needing to cum so badly. but i fucking cantttt my brains are meltingggg

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Oh my god cal!!!!! I usually try to limit myself to one set of requests per week but your new stories are too amazing and I can’t help myself! What are you thinking length-wise for them? Are they all one-shots or are any gonna be multi-chapters?

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲 (HELENA DIAZ IM COMING FOR YOU AND YOU BETTER WATCH OUT!!! What have you done to Chris?!?!!!! And I’m worried for adriana and fascinated by the myth that you’re basing this off of - i actually have some swedish family but had never heard of this so it was fun to look it up! I’m obsessed with this story and am on the edge of my seat waiting for more!)

⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️ (ooooh what do the halos mean??!! And that voice trying to talk to buck!!! Billy boils leave him alone! I’m already feeling the angst and whump and I’m loving it!!!)

🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕 (speaking of whump that I love!!! This story!!! Established newly married Buddie where bucks in danger and eddie can’t get to him!!! Thats that good stuff that I live for! And loving the Bobby-Buck and Eddie-Chim parts too! Can’t wait to read the whole thing!)

Honestly cal you’re so talented I genuinely can’t believe it sometimes! Thanks as always for sharing your work!

- PCA <3

PCA my darling you never have to limit yourself!!! Go wild! THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING SO KIND!

120 or 1k for 🌲 - whatever comes first (Ahhh did you figure it out? I am taking my own twist for sure):

---

Buck nods. “Okay, I got you… Just, let me help?”

Eddie’s not sure how he’ll manage that, but… But every time he’s ever thought he was beyond help, and Buck had a chance to prove him wrong… He has. 

Eddie takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

Buck’s face flashes with relief. 

“Okay, first thing’s first… Clothing,” Buck says. 

“Oh, fuck. I’m naked.”

“Mhm,” Buck says. “Go put on something comfy.”

“Nothing’s going to fit over this fucking tail,” Eddie grumbles.

“Your loosest, baggiest sweatpants or gym shorts?” Buck asks. 

“I’ll try,” Eddie concedes. 

“Good,” Buck says. “I’ll make you some herbal tea. Drink that, take a handful of Gravol tablets to make you drowsy-”

“Not recommended.”

“Not recommended if you’re doing it all the time. Tonight is an emergency,” Buck says. “If that doesn’t mellow you out, I’ll hit up a dispensary.”

“You’d… You’d leave?” Eddie asks. 

“Just to run an errand,” Buck says, face softening.

“I don’t want to be alone like this,” Eddie blurts. 

Buck’s shoulders drop a little. Something passes over his expression. 

“I won’t leave you, Eddie.” Buck says. “I’m here, okay?”

Eddie sighs, more relieved than he anticipated to hear that. 

“Okay. Thank you.”

🌲

Eddie tries on pretty much all his pajama pants, gym shorts, and sweats. Nothing is comfortable. He can’t pull anything too high up over the tail, but the tail also keeps pushing every waistband down at the back. It’s giving him a permanent case of plumber’s ass. If, you know, said plumber also had a fucking canine appendage. 

“I LOOK HORRIBLE!” He calls out across the house to Buck. But Buck doesn’t respond. 

Hmm…

“BUCK?”

Nothing again.

Eddie sighs, finds the sweats with the most effective drawstring, and puts on his longest, baggiest hoodie. He trudges towards the kitchen, where Buck has his back to him. The kettle is close to whistling on the stovetop.

“You know, I’m sort of freaking out here,” Eddie mumbles lowly. “You could at least answer my pathetic complaining.”

Buck doesn’t even turn around to face him.

What the hell?

“Buck!”

Buck nearly drops the ceramic mug he’s holding and turns to look at Eddie, wide-eyed and frazzled. 

“Uh… Sorry. Everything okay?” 

“No! I look like an idiot,” Eddie says. “An idiot who can’t keep his pants up.”

Buck swallows. “Okay, well… If it’s not gone tomorrow, we will figure something out. My pants are bigger, maybe that’ll work.”

Eddie nods. “But I’m gonna calm down and it’s gonna go away.”

“Yeah,” Buck says. “E-exactly.”

Eddie is quiet for a second. Then he realizes something. 

“Could you not hear me when I was calling you?” Eddie asks. 

“I heard you,” Buck replies.

“Only the last time, though,” Eddie says. 

Buck goes a little pale. “Uh, how many times did you call me?”

“Shit,” Eddie says. “You really couldn’t hear me.”

Buck opens his mouth to reply, but struggles. 

“Buck…” Eddie asks gently. “How long has this been going on?”

Buck shakes his head. His eyes start to well up.

Holy shit. 

“Buck…” Eddie says.

“We don’t need to talk about this tonight,” Buck says, voice cracking a little. “You have a lot going on right now.”

“I don’t give a shit,” Eddie says. He’s not even thinking about his damn tail for the first time since he realized it was there. “What’s going on?”

Buck taps his foot a little. Frustration and frantic energy playing out across his face.

“Buck.” 

“I saw a specialist today,” Buck says. “That’s why I was texting you.”

“You were texting me?” Eddie asks. 

Buck nods. “Figures you might not have, uh… Been in the right headspace to read them.”

Eddie’s phone is on his nightstand. He can’t even check what Buck said. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says.

“Please, don’t be,” Buck replies.

“What was the verdict?” Eddie asks. 

Buck swallows. “I have… Uh, it’s called sensorineural hearing loss.”

Eddie nods. “Heard of that. Lots of vets end up with it.”

Buck inhales deeply. “Risk of the job, right?”

“Doesn’t mean it isn’t hard,” Eddie says. “Do you… Do they think you need hearing aids?”

Buck nods. “Yeah… I have an appointment to get fitted in a few days.”

Damn. No wonder he’d been reaching out to Eddie earlier. He must have been freaking out. 

“You know this doesn’t change anything, right?” Eddie asks. “Not about you or what kind of firefighter you are. It’s just an adjustment.”

Buck lets out a heavy breath. A few tears spill over from his eyes. He sets the mug down on the counter, steps forward, and nearly suffocates Eddie in a hug. 

Eddie makes a small oof before settling into the hug. 

It strikes him as sort of strange. Buck willingly wanting to hug him, seeking comfort from him, when he appears like this. When Buck knows there’s something seriously fucked up about him. Buck should probably run. Leave him, like everyone else. But here he is. 

---

60 for ⚖️(Billy Boils is JUST the beginning!):

---

“Uh, why would he think that?” Eddie asks.

“Because you’re always here and I keep avoiding him,” Buck explains. 

“When did we begin this torrid affair?” Eddie asks. “When you were dying in the hospital? Under strict quarantine?”

“I’m not joking!”

“Did I sneak past hospital security to press a damp towelette to your forehead and weep?” Eddie asks.

“Okay, Fantine.” Buck rolls his eyes.

“Fantine is the one who died,” Eddie corrects. 

“How do you know that?” Buck asks.

Eddie blushes. “Shannon liked it.”

“Okay, pal.”

“But, really, Buck,” Eddie says. “If you’re so… I mean… If he’s causing this much stress and his aura is bad or whatever, maybe…”

“Maybe what?” Buck asks.

“Maybe you don’t actually want to be with him?”

Buck blinks. “Uh… What?”

“Like… Maybe you don’t… Maybe this is a way of processing that.”

“You don’t believe me?” Buck asks. “About the crimson?”

“I do!” Eddie assures him. “I do. Hey, I saw the tattoo, right? I know you’re not lying.”

Buck exhales. 

“I just think,” Eddie says. “I mean, maybe it’s trying to tell you something.”

“You think I should dump him?” Buck asks. 

“I don’t know,” Eddie says. “I guess it’s not my business.”

It isn’t. Except… Well. It feels wrong to say that it’s not.

“No,” Buck shakes his head. “That’s your opinion. I want to know your opinions. Especially on… All of this.”

Eddie nods. “Okay, well… Just my two cents.” 

“I just need to figure this all out before I decide anything,” Buck says. 

And it’s not like they haven’t been trying. Really, they have. 

---

Not the full 75 for 🤕 because I don't have a lot left but I'm glad you're enjoying it!:

---

“‘Kay,” Buck mumbles. 

“Come on, Buck. Just stay awake.” 

“I will,” Buck lies as his eyes flutter shut. 

“Buck! No, no, no.” 

He can feel Bobby shaking him. His eyelids are just too damn heavy. He hardly has any control of his body anymore. The only thing that stirs him is the sudden appearance of a blinding light behind his eyelids. His retinas actually hurt, despite his eyes being shut. 

For a moment he thinks he’s dying. That there’s a white light like in all the stories. Then he remembers, he has actually died. The light then was lightning. So maybe this is something else, too. 

Amassing an enormous amount of effort, Buck manages to crack his eyes open. 

He thinks he sees sky.

“Oh, thank god.” He hears Bobby cry. “Thank god.”

“S’good,” Buck mumbles. 

“BUCK! CAP!” He hears Eddie call from somewhere nearby.

Eddie. His husband. That’s pretty neat. 

[flutter2deceive]

Bitching about financials and job things under the cut

My company announced like 2 months ago that our jobs are being eliminated, but it's like this nebulous thing because they're outsourcing and we need to transfer all our products, so my end date isn't until 3/31/2026. Like that's so far in the future and I'm gonna get severence (at end date, i will have worked there for 20 years literally over half my life) + a retention bonus, so I'll be ok for a little while after the fact i think i hope

But anyway i decided to immediately start cost-cutting 2 months ago:

•canceled subscriptions (canceled hulu, paramount+ (i have a plex server hookup anyway), canceled ubereats (and also stopped ordering from them altogether), canceled or went down a level on my minimal patreon subs)

•signed up for Shell's rewards system (it's literally free and you save at least 20cents/gallon every single time and sometimes more without having to spend any money you just click a button and boom extra 10cents if you fill up on a specific day.)

•haven't done *any* fun online shopping or regular store shopping for that matter

•severely cut down my fast food spending (i'm sorry taco bell ily), and as my friends are in similar financial woes, we've stopped ordering food every weekend and opted to make cheap dinners where we each bring some small component like 1 brings pasta 1 brings sauce 1 brings garlic bread

•this isn't a recent change, but i never go out anywhere for like drinks or to see local comedy shows like i used to frequently do. I'm a homebody who goes into the office twice a week and goes to my best friend's house on saturdays and just sits at home the rest of the time

Even with all that!! My debit card is at $26, my 1 credit card is $3 away from its limit, the other is $21 from its limit. I *thankfully* get my paycheck at midnight, but like... woof!

Last paycheck i was down to less than $100 the day before as well. It's so mind-boggling to me that it's this bad. Partially because I've had some unfortunately-timed plumbing issues and had to pay a pricey deductible (but glad i have the insurance obv cuz of how much the total cost would've been otherwise.) But also partially cuz i feel like shit is so much more fucking expensive than it's ever been!! And the last gallon of milk i bought and properly refrigerated went sour like a full week before its expiration date.

I have a decent job and make pretty good money (for now at least.) I have made several cost-cutting measures recently. I feel like I don't *do* anything. And it literally doesn't matter!!

My best friend who has an equally comfortable job told me he had about the same amount of $ as me to last him til his next paycheck too.

And on top of the financial stress, i am so fucking stressed at work because no one knows what they're doing and i keep getting roped into things at the last minute with an IM that says "hey got time for a quick call?" And then i end up having to put together a complicated spreadsheet that is needed by end of week. Why didn't you fucking ask sooner than 2pm on a thursday?! Oh cuz someone who will still have a job at the end of this didn't do what they were supposed to? Ok sure I'll get right on that. And I do. I do get right on that and have it back to you within a couple hours. Because i stupidly care about my job.

Ugghhh i hate everything atm... Except i was able to livestream my favorite singer Terri Clark's debut concert at The Ryman tonight. And i have a ton of Fran/CC fanfics queued up to read. And the Ghosts discord is constantly coming up with the cutest scenarios for H$, my current otp. And i am off the entire next week because next Friday is my birthday. And my dog is snoring.

So i guess it hasn't been such a bad day after all, Charlie Brown... or some such sentimental nonsense 🙃🙃🙃

[neallo]

(girl who was supposed to write 3k of vaguely serious pining tonight, or at least some weird smut) so about the furby au...

uhhh okay im gonna TRY to come up with some additional thoughts since i am going to the trouble of making this post. i guess one question is— does mello RESPOND to the emails??? probably. he loves to be mad about stuff and he hates not being heard when he's mad about stuff. so like. initially he's just replying to the emails from matt with “i hate that stupid fucking furby” and “how much money do i have to give you to set it on fire, or at least stop emailing me” but when matt points out that mello could just auto sort the emails to spam mello pretends as if he doesn't see that one. eventually, as mello's responses become marginally less hostile, matt is like 😌 it's time to up the ante. and begins including his Fun Near Facts. these include but are not limited to:

- he took college level differential equations when he was 14! 🤓 (mello response: okay, so he's a loser??)

- he's not a loser he's REALLY cool (note: matt loves to lie. or he actually has an unrealistically kind view of near's swag levels) (mello does not dignify this with a reply)

- he loves talking about math! don't worry though it's really easy to tune it out and he doesn't really care if you're not listening (mello response: i don't know why i would need to know that.)

- one time he saved me from drowning 😳 (note: matt also loves to embellish. near “saved him from drowning” by telling matt to not try his luck at jumping over a river, which wasn't actually even deep enough for him to drown in)

uuhhhhh okay running out of matt's fun facts about near BUT. the point is that he is wingmanning so hard. i guess another question is whether or not near picks up on the fact that matt is regularly taking candid photos of him? my thought is no. i could see near being sort of a space cadet in this respect tbh; if he's absorbed enough in something he tunes everything else out)

hmm. genuinely running out of steam so lemme just jot down a few more ideas and then someday maybe i will add more when more comes to me.

- near: lives in... actually, fuck it, NOT new york. he and matt room together in minneapolis. near is in a PhD program for math— either complex analysis or topography. idk. something. matt is a programmer of some kind bc i am not creative.

- mello: i think i already said but he lives in LA, works for the mob. probably isn't really that Into It but he got in when he was pretty young and it's not like he has a lot of other options at this point? i imagine it isn't something he spends a lot of time angsting over but he's probably kinda unfulfilled.

OH okay sorry i got an idea. these stupid emails from matt go on for a few months, with mello gradually responding in very slightly less mean ways & occasionally asking questions,,, and then one day the Daily Near Email comes through and it's a picture of near somewhere in LA. probably griffith's observatory actually. and matt (knowing full well from mello's social media that he lives in Los Angeles) captions the image something like “where did you say you lived again??? 🤔”

okay now i'm REALLY out of ideas. not sure how the fact that mello has barely Actually spoken to near would be resolved!! thanks for listening to the Morgan Being Deranged podcast, tune in next time for another incredibly niche stupid idea 🥰

[wheels-of-despair]

heyo ! im writing this because im feelimg especially soft tonight., because omfg, ive been absolutely Obsessed with your evil woman series for the longest time and i think your way of writing eddie is one of, if not THE most accurate representations of that silly man ive ever read

it sounds so sappy but honestly everytime i clock back into my long shift of the chronically online factory and see youve posted i actually get giddy, it would be embarrassing if i wasnt head over heels with your writing

thank you so much for evil woman !! the representation of a character i can actually resonate with and see myself in, something i am neeeeeever able to find. she has an Actual personality outside of being the one reader who likes a boy and doesnt enjoy anything else (thank god for nerds) (me)

youre an absolute godsend and i cant wait to see what you post next 🫶🫶

You guys better stop being so damn nice to me, or I'll… I'll… 🥺

Look, gang. I did not think I was gonna be doing the writing thing this long. My Tumblr Wife talked me into posting a fic, then I posted a few more, and now I've posted so many Eddie fics I'm dreading the day I try to put another link on the masterlist and it hits me with the hundred-link limit and I have to make a second one.

I will never not be shocked when people tell me they love something I created, especially Evil Woman. I had no idea what I was doing when she made her debut. I stressed so hard about trying to keep her anonymous enough to be a You. And then at some point, she took the reins, and we both stopped caring if I was doing it right or not. Maybe that was the key to making people love her.

But I am so glad she resonates with You. I feel like before she met Eddie, EW was probably a bit of a misunderstood outcast. I mean, they're all technically outcasts because they're the freaks, but Evil Woman has her Eddie now… and all of you. 🥰 (She would WTF so hard about people willingly reading about their dumb little adventures. 😂)

Thank you for the super sweet message! I urge you - and everyone reading - to tell writers what you think of their fics. Give us feedback! Did something make you laugh? Cry? Did you notice an easter egg? Do you hope this leads to another Situation? Would you like to see more fluff, or more angst? Leave a note in the comments or the tags. Feedback gives writers ideas, and ideas are how fics are born!

PS: The next Eddie fic will probably be something fun and fluffy, to make up for the angst I've been unloading. 😉

[predoom]

ohoneohone

Sunday, October 23rd, 2005 9:42 am you see that kid... its not me, its you. blow out the candles on caring. encounters yesterday: went to paul walls jewelry shop. pretty insane. then when we played jared leto came over and watched. radio shows are wack. encounters today: the gold medal gymnast from the 2004 olympics is coming to hang out with me. pretty insane. why would you ever want to meet a boy like me. i am boring. you make it easier to make the decisions that i do. i turned off the switch that cares. i watch lots of movies and take lots of naps. cause i am a baby. i am gonna be in the academy video for black mamba. i can't tell you how excited that makes me. Wednesday, October 19th, 2005 11:48 pm ill be on time for that, i cant think of a line that rhymes with that blue looks better than jealousy. im awake but not up. you know what i mean. blew the speakers out like a candle. drowned out my sorrows in a wet dream. i miss you but only in flashing moments. new stuff over at buzznet. people been asking about the prices. honestly we charge what it costs us to make. alot of the stuff lately has been cut and sew or requires hand stitching which is expensive. so we try to keep the stuff really limited, so that it stays special. the bags sold out in a day. we won't be making anymore of that particular bag. but we will be making more limited bags and other items. Tuesday, October 18th, 2005 4:48 pm i, peter lewis kingston wentz, solemnly swear... im trying to figure it out. my head moves way faster than my mouth. i went to a party at chris from nsnyc's house for a party. it was about as good/bad as you would think. except dirty was there. so factor that one in. always up or down, never down and out.

the new nightmare of you record is fantastic. it makes me think of winters at home. love it or leave me. Sunday, October 16th, 2005 12:45 pm baby, im just bad news i don't know if it feels real been watching halloween movies lately to get me in the mood taking lots of naps its easier this way she wont ever love you the way she loves me youre not pretty enough and you dont make her heart beat been hiding messages in morse code and anagrams banging my wrist against the edge of the keyboard until it turns black and blue we're all settling all the time panic! at the disco makes me want to start this all over again coversations with you make me want it to never have begun at all nick plan and william beckett are on the list in one form or another always if you dont have your friends than you dont got shit and my friends are gold halloween is gonna be the best this year i think ive never been in california on halloween- it once was, but it hasnt been for a really long time spent most of the morning on the phone with my mommy cause she can always slow my breathing down you can get used to anything after a while even this, pete pretty boys for secret girls later skater Wednesday, October 12th, 2005 12:02 pm ill make you shake so hard you might not make it through the night new york city is fucking insane. get me. bruisa. fall makes me remember and want love.

okay okay cause i should:

1. you say crazy shit in your sleep, like about us living in old milwaukee. 2. right this second "wonderwall" sometimes star wars. 3. i dunno cherry coke flavored. 4. sugar tail, freckles in your eyes, basement windows, braces 5. new years on the windowsill. 6. uh kind of in a weird way the retriever head on the beagle body. just the nicest dog ever. 7. that one bane lyric, im pretty sure its a question. but mostly lately- what happened to my best friend?

nick york city. the clan party last night was rightious. im kinda going other places. feeling it. quit sleeping on it cause im the life. from the back of my legs to the back of my neck- im so glad there are people out there who won't let me fall off the face of the planet.

young.

panic at the disco at the knitting factory in new york tonight- 5pm. Tuesday, October 11th, 2005 12:57 am you remind me of this one movie. it makes me smile. but not with my mouth and way too many teeth. but with my eyes. trouble loves me. but you do way more. im dreaming on highway lines and phone hang-ups. just happy to be me. for one second.

i got a sweet vest and some teddy bear shoes. im good for cuddling. youre gonna have to trust me on that one. Sunday, October 9th, 2005 7:38 pm sometimes its hard to remember the great moments. but you remember everything to a detail the moment everything goes wrong. your ims are crazy: i am still not dead or married. im bringing home on the road.

silly. never ccccchhhhange. 12:12 pm you could almost make me an honest man. what i have spent the weekend thinking:

good friends in nyc sometimes my eyes are red and green but not like christmas. just kind of a mess. even when the worlds underwater you're rowing in my wet dreams. everything you know about me is totally wrong because it comes from choruses and camera flashes. you come in flashes in the middle of the night or in the morning. fix me in fourtyfive. everything she thinks you know about me is totally wrong because i can't say anything i mean ever. i say things just to hurt you. i get the job done but it doesn't look pretty. Saturday, October 8th, 2005 12:24 am you win some, you lose some sometime you wake up in the morning and everything is just different. moodcontroller gets turned off. probably on by someone else. the bottom of my pants are wet from running through puddles. the streets of albany got let in on some of my secrets. swoon. its weird how when you stand next to the sun you cant notice anything else. then the lights go out and all of a sudden there is beauty everywhere. im always too little, too late. one day everyone finds something they can hang on to. the bottom line is im all wishes and luck. and thats how its always been. in the tides of the streets. dreaming about beautiful babies. with batting eyelashes and huge eyes. we were never supposed to know. im the golden boy. you are my golden ticket. but the tides always going out. and two months turns into two years. in the blink of an eye. youre never home. the stars look the same from the gutter. pens running low just to keep up with the tolerance. ive got big plans for new years. and thats a way off but its the only way to keep my mind off of the way things go. just know "you're not the lifeforce" pete and thats what keeps heartsbeating at night. i only thought you were someone else. a simple case of mistaken identity. romantic fraud. new york city. im always on. Wednesday, October 5th, 2005 4:40 pm hateitorloveit-theunderdogisbackontop sickest afterparty in newyorkcity. hopefully i can fly a friend or two in so i dont hide out in the corners all night. nick thinks my lj entries have been kinda wack lately. i can't say i dont agree. i am a total baby. but not a baby like usher sings about. we're making some super sick limited bartskull nikes. im tired as usual. rumor of the day: i pretty much only like sxe girls. you make me laugh too much with the stuff that gets written on the internet sometimes. my life is radical sometimes. maybe ill really update this later. i dont even know. congratulations to panic at the disco for having the sickest first week numbers ever. that band is the new everything. late at night thats pretty much what i have to listen to or i dont feel okay. this morning i got a strange phonecall to end a strange dream. bane. Tuesday, October 4th, 2005 9:22 pm "someday we'll be nostalgic for this second..." im tired. red thread. baby blues. im a mess. lovable, not that likeable. lemme hum you a sweet one. i know ive been in a rut. the underdogs back on top. im writing this story. but i wouldnt bet on the ending. sometimes this thing has become too big to even think about. but sometimes i wake up in the morning and it feels like something is missing. youknowyouknow. 6:57 pm the secret to my suckcess pinchme. dear friends, you let me fall off. i forgive you though. if you forgive me. i am out of my head. me and nick have cooked up the sickest idea ever. i am writing a movie with patrick. my tummy hurts most of the time. major disappointment, reporting for duty. wtf. sometimes OMG! i heart the drama. sometimes OMG! i do not. like emeralds just past the sun- green but not the sick inside more like the film warming up to you. the camera is waking up. little boys and girls- get up. the trouble has lifted. youre gonna be okay. "tell me that you're alright". i like wearing your clothes. they are like a bulletproof vest. mostly i miss my friends and chicago. i want to bring you all out on the road.

"...idonthavetobethekingoftheworld, as long as im..."

peace out. i need to take a nap and eat some icecream. i bought nicholas scimeca a present. im tired. act suprised, even if you're not. fake the words. say i love you hard like you hate me. Saturday, October 1st, 2005 4:48 pm life on mars by david bowie reminds me of you the dreams i have for me are just for us. i am not sure i even know what this means. the pros and con are the same. legs tangled. its the kid you loved forever. i got a feeling what they're all saying. under the spotlight you think about the inside of wedding rings. in dark bunks you think about the inside of zippers. make me yours. make me come to life. honestly. black hair and batted eyelashes. dont give up im not sure where this is all going. right on reds and at altars. thinking about the way you are with the little pudgy boy. im getting this sweet tat. she knows what im talking about. Sunday, September 25th, 2005 7:29 pm the spaces in your hand were designed to fit my fingers dear world,

i have actually been sleeping late. i think it's not cause i am depressed. rather i just need to catch up on a couple of years. i think that the last while of my life is perfectly represented in the movie "closer". not to have a whine tasting... but. the point of saying that is more- i got the chance to show some of my friends our new video the other day. and in watching it, i am really stoked that one story comes through. there is this girl in it and she loves this guy just for who he is. and they aren't the prettiest or the coolest- but the thing they have is awesome. and perfect. it made me smile to see it come across. demar for pres. 2008. my bestfriend left town yesterday. totes devistation. summer bummer. blender is throwing a little afterparty that william beckett will be djing. if youre on the g-list you will be dancing. i am going to corpse bride tonight. i lost my crackers seeing p!atd live. they gave me the balls to make some decisions. im thinking about having all my body hair waxed off because it seems particularly offensive. you dont even wanna see what ive got planned for halloween.

preview: www.infect.buzznet.com bi curious: www.clandestine.buzznet.com

my body isnt yours anymore so you dont have a say in what i do with it. im this creature that resembles me but im something different.

[dreamsclock]

THE ULTIMATE DREAMSCLOCK UPDATE!

hello. hi. as most of u are probably very unsurprised to hear, i have bit off WAY more than i can chew in terms of personal projects. this is now something i am beginning to belatedly realize is A Problem for many reasons. mainly a) i am chronically overwhelmed esp with the biggest exams of my LIFE next months and b) i can’t take on any more projects realistically that i want to begin.

poll + more info under readmore bc i have chronic can’t-shut-up syndrome (adhd)

SO. in order to actually produce content for you guys i am Cutting Back Which Fics I Work On. at least until july. this SHOULD allow me to finish at least some fics and hopefully move on in the summer to other ones, but since im indecisive i thought i’d let YOU guys decide which fics i continue to work on!!! so here’s a poll.

the top five will continue to be worked on, and i plan to finish checkmate + hold him close in the next week anyway. so vote for your next five faves, and from there i’ll figure out which ones i’m gonna continue

this SHOULD help me make a good dent in these fics while also working on stuff that makes people happy :]

IN ADDITION TO THIS. i am also only streaming three times a week. ‘only?’ you might be thinking. ‘sparrow dreamsclock, you don’t even stream ONCE a week!’ to which i say Be Quiet. kidding but i’ve been putting way too much pressure on myself to try and stream every night and then beating myself up when i’m too tired 😭 so hopefully limiting myself to three times a week helps!!

STREAM DAYS: Monday, Wednesday, Saturday

I could stream more than this!! But at the very least you’re promised three streams a week unless something goes horribly wrong.

AO3 UPDATES: Wednesday, Sunday

AGAIN this is to try and give you guys some kind of consistency 😭😭 i know im very erratic + unreliable when it comes to uploading so i wanted to try and provide a schedule. no idea WHAT updates these will be, but you know Something will be posted there which is awesome

YOUTUBE UPLOADS: Beginning May

‘but sparrow!’ you may be saying. ‘you just said the most important exams of your life happen in may!’ to which i say Be Quiet. Yes. I Know. I’m An Idiot. but i wanna start providing youtube content Too!!! whether this be dsmp analysis or stream highlights or original minecraft choose-your-own-ending games i’ve made, i’ll be uploading (hopefully consistently) beginning may!!!! more info to come. unless i forget of course.

ANYWAY. if you’ve sat through all of this then HELLO HI!!!!! sorry. this announcement sounds self important and dumb but honestly even writing this out has eased like a load of my anxieties. ever since the end of 2021 i’ve been so overwhelmed with the frankly dumb amount of projects ive given myself, and it’s most of the reason ive been burned out since then too :’) thank u for being understanding and thank u for being such a source of inspiration for me and thank u thank u THANK U for being the best people ever muah ily

this starts from TODAY Btw!!! will be uploading a chapter of checkmate tonight and also streaming which i’m looking forward to. we’re gonna Chill until summer and then i can go crazy with projects again. but this feels more manageable!!!!

tune in for my stream tonight at 9pm (fnaf time FUCK YEAH) and thank u again :]

[auspex]

fuck it discord rant with no context (feel free to ask for context) about my last session

AAAAAAAAa

ok little context: mark and cassidy driving home from mission where the anarch party they were investigating got raided by camarilla so they have to take the long way home. also, mark juts got a text from sampson that they need to talk. otherwise good luck making sense of this if u havent heard mark rants before.

-

Mark learned: -Cassidy turned in 1853 california -loves older western movies, NOT spaghetti westerns except once upon a time in th west -loves detective novels; steven king -has larger goals that he doesnt want to say due to mark's sire having a short leash on him lol -guessed mark was about 5 years dead, mark told him it was less than a year. cassidy was pretty surprised lol -cassidy asked marks goals and what he wanted. mark talked abt goals of stability, and knowing whats going on in the city. talked around it but basically said he also wanted someone he felt he could actually talk to T_T This is what inspired lighter covnersation abtmovies and books -cassidy invited him to WATCH A MOVIE W HIM AT THE CINEMA LOVE WINS (NOT A DATE FOR SURE UNLESS?) -

Now its time to talk to sampson on the next night

due to something julius did mark has to shelter some anarchs in the sewers on his territory. he made it clear the SEWERS only. theyve been moving in.

anyway marks goes to the bar. theres some sketchy ppl outside .oh god. anarchs not listening to directions? THATS CRAZY. Anyway the bar is closed early. it has blinds. many locks. sampson lets mark in and is like. dude. wtf are these people around. ive been seeing htem around and we figured out they were vampires and you said htis place would be safe?? i cant keep doing this???

he's like i know its not all always your fault or things happen in spite of you but what am i supposed to do? i cant live like this again? what am i supposed to do?? And marks just like look anarchs have been moving in city wide ill deal with this and . sampson presses and hes like deal with them how. and marks like IDK kick them out? kill th- and sampsons like YES KILL THEM you killed that one random person cant you kill kindred on your territory?

like OOF that 1 ONE murder lives in his head dsakjfsfdkjds

he's crying, also, ends up saying 'after all this i dont want to talk to you again, i know you bring me stuff to keep me alive' and then be breaks down MORE like REALLY sobbing

so mark gives him a little time to compose himself. then gets all cold and is basically like. so be it. ill still have to see you monthly, but we can try to limit it. but then sampsons like. "I dont know. I just. dont know what to do. i cant sleep with these guys out there all the time" and mark is like "do you want me to deal with them right now?" and smaspons like "yes" so. mark leaves to deal with them!

he grabs piece of shit tony who is supposed to be helping manage this territory. tony says the guys claimed he invited him there, so mark has to explain how they are allowed in the sewers but no where else. and that he wants the three in front of the plaza dealt with Tonight. they work out a deal. tony drives around collecting ghouls and plays this song.

the ghouls are wearing ski masks and have various weapons. he assigns them an order. and turns up the music and they start FUCKING those guys up. first guy modified his glock to be semi automatic? one gets downed immedaitely. 3 other ghouls approach with melee weapons. one gets killed sadly but all the kindred who were loitering by the bar get torpored in short order. Tony is pissed and yells at a corpse about whose gonna pay to replace his ghoul? Ooffff. but yeah mission done. tony says to mark to get out of his car.

He does so. returns to bar. SESSIONEND

SESSION END!

THEY WERE ABOUT TO GET TO TALK! im sure they are shook by the Incredible Violence outside but whatever

DSLKFJDSLFSD