#im not gonna get better with art if im always afraid of it looking bad. ive been there with my writing and i know that the best way to
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aria0fgold · 15 days ago
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The lack of proper sleep these two days has resulted in my having a long redhead deficiency which somehow just gave me the biggest realization when it comes to my art and now I'm like: Damn. I'm going to draw Alec over and over again now.
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d1s1ntegrated · 2 months ago
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okay guys so. here's some updates!
-my grandma died. (not sigma.)
-i got the infinite hours glitch at work (im working sm now)
-i'm broke af still cause i honestly genuinely truthfully laurv grocery shopping too much (the horrors of the economy are incomprehensible)
-i love homicipher!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyways. that's basically it. i'm trying to get back in here cause i feel so bad for all the unanswered prompts and asks in my inbox. i know i kinda flopped. im doing my best!!
also small announcement below the cut!!! especially considering ive been experimenting more with dead dove/nonconventional topics and themes.
first thing; i made a side blog for my dead dove and other extreme fics. the reason why i'm doing this is bc some people don't want to see that kind of stuff- and that's totally okay! and ik the filtering/blocking tags thing doesn't always work, especially for more "niche" topics.
i plan on branching out my repertoire by writing about topics that are "scary" or "new" to me- so this little counterpart to my blog will make it easier for me to post things that aren't typically sought after by the gen. pop. things like sickfics, whump, noncon, and other graphic or heavy themes.
in addition/addendum to that:
idk if this is common knowledge for any of my followers, moots, etc, but i have a severe phobia of vomit. like. huge. and at my big ass age of 21 (lol) i think it's time to start...getting through that fear. i've struggled with contamination OCD for a really long time and it's something i never thought id even try to overcome- but then i came across a creator on here who makes fetish art- which def wasn't something i was looking to encounter. but like a car crash, i couldn't stop looking at their work and i ended up coming across a post of theirs where they explain that they do what they do to get over their fear. at first i was fucking baffled as to how they couldn't manage to do that, but i get it now. taking something innately fucking horrifying and flipping the narrative so casually can be cathartic, and i finally after over a year of contemplation, gave it a whirl in my own writing. i mean, what better way to get over something by attacking it from my best angle??
typically this isn't something i'd ever consider doing. but...here we are. and i feel like im doing myself, and other people who feel the same way, a disservice by hiding this type of content in my notes app, never to be seen by anyone but me.
my blog has always been a safe space for the freaks and weirdos, and i want to keep facilitating that space while also keeping it enjoyable for all crowds. so by keeping a little separation between the two blogs, it'll ensure i feel comfortable, and others do too. i'm not gonna force everyone who follows me to come across some crazy fetish content they didn't sign up for, especially when previously i'd stated i don't write that kind of stuff. but alas people change and grow and i don't want to stifle myself from writing good things because im too afraid of judgement or my own insecurities.
i think kink is a very important thing in the fanfic world, because it allows the writer, as well as the audience, to connect on an even further level through the delivery of fetish content. as someone who hyperfixates on the development and accumulation of fetish and kinks, especially from a psychological level, this is something i was considering in the past- but not to this level, yk? like yeah, i could continue to just write sweet little hcs of softgaraki, and i love doing that, but also...like, i need these freak ass men to live their truths, and i need to live mine.
with that all being said, @compendiumofdecay is where these nasty fics will be for any and all who are interested.
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the-arkaives · 1 year ago
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WELCOME TO THE ARKAIVES!
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NOW PLAYING: curses - the crane wives “OOH, LAY MY CURSES OUT TO REST! MAKE A MERCY OUT OF…”
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WHAT ARE THE ARKAIVES?: so, I realized that suddenly, i was no longer the only person who had Miss Kai Drew rotating in my brain. now, I may be the only one with her doing so 24/7, BUT THERES OTHER PEOPLE NOW-
The Arkaives are your one stop shop for the small little Kai Drewniverse Fandom! you’ll get cannon posts from me, and then the other arckaivist’s fucking BANGER ass “fannon” posts (GUYS I AM EATING THAT SHIT UP KEEP IT COMING)! it’s just a way for this tiny ass community to thrive :]
HOW DO I BECOME AN ARKAIVIST?: simple! reach out to me, say you wanna become an arkaivist, and then BOOM! you’re in! but if you’re a fucking douchebag/asshole i am NOT afraid to kick you out. this is a silly funtime blog, and if you bring bad vibes i am kicking you out. also don’t argue with me about cannon. I’m the author i know what I’m talking about 🤨‼️
WHAT CAN I POST AS AN ARKAIVIST?: you’re allow to post anything as long as it is vaguely Kai related! like, saw something pink and yellow? KAI DREW REFERENCE POST IT‼️‼️‼️ (<- fun fact: actual way i make going out in public fun instead of nerve wracking) it doesn’t even have to be just Kai! got ideas about relationships between Kai and ‘x’ character? POST IT! that’d probably be helpful for me writing nmk/kai in hf stuff, as I’m always a biiiit afraid of mischaracterizing the people of Hatchetfield in the fanfics. But, like, Kai lore isn’t just Hatchetfield! believe me, i forget too, but she’s in a shit ton of fandoms! so, if you’re into one of the other fandoms she’s in? join! fair warning, though: the Kai in HF lore is ROTTING my brain, so there’s gonna be a lot of that shit-
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ARKAIVIST ONE - @pastriibunz
NAME: Pastrii!! :D
PRONOUNS: she/her :]
the kai drew fan. literally. i made her!!! i made that guy!!!! the creator of miss drew, the writer of the fics, the artist of the cannon art, the admin of @shxwstxpper (and this blog too), and professional pokotho prophet (/j)! ive definetly got a better intro on my main, (and it does list what fandoms kai's in so do take a look!), but this is my little bio sooo yeah!!! :D
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ARKAIVIST TWO - @skylines-turnstiles13
NAME: Max!! :]
PRONOUNS: he/him :D
MY SON!!!!! the admin of @laika-at-hatchetfield and the reason this blog exists! legit my brother in christ told me to do it and my ass was like "yes sir 🫡‼️" and now we're here! he makes some DELICIOUS ass art (seriously man eating that shit UP) and made it so our first posts were angst (all hail the boy!!!! doing what i couldnt <- was going to wait a bit for soul crushing angst- let yall get comfy b4 i fuck yall up). GO FOLLOW THEM THEY'RE COOL AF 🫵😡‼️
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ARKAIVIST THREE - @chillibeanos
NAME: Chilli/Max :3
PRONOUNS: Any :D
MY (other) SON!!!! I lob them sm GAHEGEGEGVR THE SILLY!!! they also have a neato lil guy named Bean Sprout so GO CHECK THEM OUT 🫵😡‼️‼️‼️ GO FOLLOW MY BOY 🫵😡‼️‼️‼️‼️
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ARKAIVIST FOUR - @raspberrysmoon
NAME: elliot/alice/(rasp)berry/ella/julian
PRONOUNS: he/him + she/her + fawn/fawns + star/stars + they/them + it/its
YET ANOTHER ONE OF MY SONS!!!! I feel like getting added to this account just means you become one of my sons- silly little guy!!! they’ve got a more in depth intro too- FOLLOW THEM RIGHT NEOW 🫵😡‼️
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ARKAIVIST FIVE - @christianchasity
NAME: Kacie!! :>
PRONOUNS: she/they
im literally neuerodivergent and a minor? but ayways im the rp expert because i ave 12 different accounts and i have 3 years of expeirence.... but i also have the tism and adhd and i am the grace chasity fan okay tats it love you consually an platonically!!!!
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all-that-tmnt-jazz · 1 year ago
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Hello! I was wondering if you're still opening match-ups? If you're not its okay! Im not forcing ya.
Im actually a female (Bi), an aries, my height is 5'4", i have short black hair, i wore a glasses (sometimes if i can't see afar) i wore dark clothes a lot.
i can speak chinese (a bit) and also japanese (a bit too) and ofc i can speak english.
 im a actually a INFP, an introvert, polite, patient/calm person, if you met me im always shy and akward when i socialize people, (but people actually see me a quiet, distant and emotionless person, because i have trust issues). When you know me a lot, i might comfortable and might sometimes show my childish or playful behavour it depends on my mood. I'm actually having problems with my emotions/anger issues and decide to not show it to le people what i felt and so hid my emotions/feelings. (I suddenly emotionless when im depressed)
(Ps: im bad at lying)
I have a anxiety, whenever i felt uncomfortable sometimes easily get panicked.
Im also sensitive person, when someone shouted me, i would actually flinched/afraid or easily cried.
I actually hate loud noises or screaming/shouting, i easily get triggered or irrated and people staring at me (it makes me uncomfortable, also staring is rude)
 I love listening some any music (a lot).
I love watching anime and ghibli movies.
I can play piano or violin.
I like to dancing waltz dance. (Still practicing).
I read books (which is arts and science and poetry) i like learning about Biologist.
 I love to draw, when you see me drawing/doodling im kinda quickly hid it and shy to show it because my arts/drawing wasn't that good, it kinda looked like anime-ish(im also draw in digital).
I can do martial arts, i used it for self-defence or protecting my friends.
I like sleeping A LOT.
The way i give affections which is giving some hugs and kisses or even a head pat. (i also use it as comfort or i want to)
When it comes someone is having arguement with me, i dont want to say something horrible or hurtful words when i can't control my anger or temper, so its better that i say nothing and calmly walk away.
Hope it's okay for you, Thx! 🌸
Ps: your blog is cool and your stories too! 🐢💕
Hi! Okay so. I was kinda torn between two with your entry so I'm gonna put both and why.
Here we go :)
Leo
He loves watching Studio Ghibli movies with you.
(His favorite is "My Neighbor Totoro." He knows it's popular, but he gets it- it's a good movie)
He tries to understand your emotions to help you- he also has a bit of anger issues, but he's gotten a better handle on it than Raph.
He knows many types of meditations because of Splinter, so he offers to guide you through some to see if it helps.
He is proud that to avoid saying something hurtful, you just walk away- that is something that took him a while to learn.
Mikey stole your glasses once.
He never stole them twice.
(P.S You and Leo had both ganged up on Mikey)
Raph also yelled at you once.
He never did again.
(You had started crying, and Leo started to fight him- Splinter had to get involved)
Since he usually sleeps during the day, he doesn't get to sleep with you often.
But you do nap when you have time, so you always go to him to cuddle.
He never said this, but he loves it when you pat his head. He finds it adorable.
Donnie
Okay. "Ponyo." The best Ghibli movie.
(He will fight you on this.)
He's pretty into psychology, so he tries to break down your emotions- that way, both of you can figure out what's going on in your head.
He is also pretty into biology, so he loves talking to you about that and exchanging books about it.
He realized your glasses have a similar prescription as his
(He's also pretty blind.)
He mostly listens to study music and other similar genres, but he also loves hearing your music taste.
He learns a lot about people through what they like- especially through the arts (like music)
He finds it awesome that you're learning martial arts.
He offers to help you with some defensive moves since he knows that you're learning to protect yourself.
He is usually too tall for head pats, but he loves hugging you- your head always goes right next to his heart.
He is the one who helps with your anger the most because of that
You love that your head goes right next to his heart
It helps calm you down just as much as it does to him.
He has asked you to play piano/violin for him.
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zhuhongs · 2 years ago
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hhhhh so im on a ridiculously long ride home and just my phone so tumblr diary entry time lol. if you have my instagram this will make more sense but yk. anyways. so yesterday was the last day of the semester and i was tbh pretty normal abt it. but leading up to it i was a mess and tbh i think my stomach issues actually came more from the stress of knowing im leaving but the alcohol seemed plausible enough an explanation so i ran with it. but nah i was just. hhhh overwhelmed. bc anytime i was out with ppl it disappeared and as soon i was alone and not busy i was like. oh theres the stomach pain. LOL. but yea. so i decided my going away present to everyone would be a drawing of them plus a message bc like. i always said i liked art but never rlly showed my classmates my art so i was like. welp lets go out with a bang. and it felt good bc i really wanted to do smth like this sooner. my initial plan to make a good impression was to print stickers of my art and put my IG on it and get close to ppl that way. but i was just far too stressed and thought itd be weird. so i just. Didnt. and i regret not putting in enough effort at the beginning. but i also feel like its okay, especially given my upbringing. i needed that time to myself to figure it out, and now i really know that i can just. talk to ppl. and not be afraid. bc the ppl i got closest to were the one i swore would judge me most bc of my own preconceived notions, but i told the the parts of me i hid the most and they accepted it. and could at least sympathize and actually relate and i just. why was i so silly. why was i so mean to myself to be convinced that i was so unacceptable that no one except for those who already knew me could accept me and enjoy my presence? i was so silly. i wont do that again, but if i do, it will still be easier than doing it this time bc I'll recognize the patterns and quickly snap out of it.
in a way, i really do feel like i needed all this time alone to process myself and rlly look myself in the eye and recognize the ways ive lived that i can just stop doing now that i have the freedom to be free of my past. and part of me feels like I'm saying that as copium bc i didnt connect sooner and i possibly could have also had a better time with others and still have come to realize the same things and more through the help and company of others. but i also know that i cant live life always thinking so much. so i just need to live and let the regrets be what they are, and move forwards. but the regrets do indeed linger. like i made the decision not to stay in taiwan. bc of well A. money and B. i felt like if i had more time I'd just fucking waste it like i wasted the first 4 months. i might as well force myself into a corner and see if that would make me do things i was too scared to do otherwise. and like, it worked! i did say fuck it and rlly just let loose bc i was gonna leave but now its worked too well. and like i wish soooo bad that i had those 3 months to fully enjoy every chance working out. Part of me says that its best to leave with that hope. rather than have taken that chance and it fizzled out. the thing keeping me from extending the most was honestly knowing I'd have my birthday there. and i could not take the possibility of spending my birthday alone... i legit couldnt stomach it. in the past i used to spend every bday alone but in recent years ive had a mazing friends that actually made my bday special and i just. I'm so used to having that day be nice that i really couldnt take the possibility of it being awkward. but now i realize that it wouldn't have been like that. it couldve been wonderful. but thats okay, in another life. or maybe a few years. who knows. im considering doing smth like this again in like 2 years after I've worked a bit. i have nothing but time. but man. sometimes i just wonder yk.
and last night i had a rlly good one on one talk with my classmate and that was amazing, but i got home and checked IG like a dumbass and say another group of classmates partying til 3am and i was like.... man i should've done that. but like, logically no. i had a great night regardless and i partied with those classmates last week. ive had my fill, and i had things to do today that i needed to be coherent for. but i couldn't help but thinking what if. and i know its not so easy to kill that voice inside my head. its always gonna be there. its not just me, thats the devil of SNS like instagram. bc you see the best parts of everyone's lives at all times and feel like you're missing out but you're not. you only see a sliver of what it really was..but yea. its okay. I'm still so very young. and i just need to treasure now and take whatever chances i get to nourish the connections i have right now and put yourself out there to make new ones when the chances arise. its okay, there is not life that can be lived without saying goodbye. but damn, yesterday at the school gates two of my classmates hit me with the さよなら and that. man i felt it in that moment. theres so much i wish i couldve said in all that time we had to spend together but i just held my tongue bc i was scared. but this was really playing social interaction on hard mode, like the cultural differences, the language barrier, the introversion, the fact it was my first time on my own fr, just, there were soooo many factors working against me specifically. and fuck man, i still did it. and i am still so young, i really can do whatever i want. it feels so weird. ive only been here 6 months but in a way it feels like this is how its always been. like the fact that im going home feels so strange. like i havent been there in years, i honestly cant fully grasp that im gonna be in a place where i speak the language fluently and am fully aware and familiar with my surroundings. like, why does that feel so odd. it does, i legit dont even know how to feel besides strange. i just have a strange pit in my stomach. but its okay. it will pass as everything does. but these days will always live on inside me as everything does. even if i can't fully recall it. so i just have to keep going as always. god. life is trippy man. but yea. Yea. thats it. i think
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in-my-feels-probably · 2 years ago
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Hi! Congrats on 900!! May I have a romantic grishaverse match up please? I go by she/her and am bi with no preference, so any gender is fine.
I’m about 5’5, dark blue eyes, medium length hair thats kinda too dark to be dirty blonde but not so dark that its light brown with slightly lighter blonde highlights throughout. Ive been told I typically wear what would be considered 90s type of style but leaning away from more feminine things tho I’m not opposed to dresses and all. 
I do get pretty anxious when thrown in certain situations rather that be talking to a group of people or just one person. But on occasion and definitely when I get to know someone I never stop talking. I am a ranter and rambler which means I could be ranting about something that happened and then start talking about something else that may or may not be related to the original subject. Basically I will always find something to talk about though I do enjoy listening to other people talk. I am considered the mom friend because I tend to be the most logical. Im also a very determined, stubborn person who usually is kinda pessimistic but still has a huge imagination. And despite all the anxiety I am usually a relatively confident person and am not afraid to take up for anyone I care about. Also I am pretty good in school despite having a kinda bad memory. Also an INTJ, Sagittarius, and Ravenclaw. 
I absolutely love writing and have for the longest time rather that be random original stories I make up or the various fanfics I have(lol). I also love drawing and painting and recently realized I’m actually pretty good at making art related to animals and the occasional landscape. I’ve also been a big music fan since I was a kid, I honestly dont know what I would do without it. I also really enjoy reading when I get the chance, like I could spend hours getting consumed by whatever I’m reading. Which also travels into me when I’m watching things. As in I spend a good bit of time just binge watching new or old shows. I also really like walking around and enjoying nature. Theres a few nature trails I love going on and would go to the zoo every weekend if I had the chance. Which also goes along to my love for animals. Also I do like going to random places with my friends. 
And thats about all I can think of to say, hope it wasnt too much lol. But anyways, thanks in advance :)
hi!
thanks for participating :)
since you have no gender preference, i’ll tell you which of both the girls and the boys i ship you with, and then do the full detail and blurb with who i think you’re a better fit for.
i ship you with jesper and genya!
but i’m gonna go with genya for this, hope that’s alright :)
id consider genya to be a pretty hyperfeminine person. she really values her looks, and cares a lot about aesthetics. however, she’s definitely the type of person to care way more about personality and intellect than appearances. that’s not to say she wouldn’t be attracted to you, because she would be. but she’d just appreciate that you looked at her as more than a pretty face, and you cared about her enough to get to know her on a deeper level. she’d think you were so smart, and she’d feel lucky that she found someone who truly understand her beyond superficial things.
genya is a very confident person. she’s very dignified, and can easily carry a conversation. she’d have no trouble talking to you, and would consider it a personal challenge getting you to open up to her. she’d love watching you get excited about the things your interested in, showing her a side of you she didn’t often get to see. she didn’t care about what you two talked about, she just liked listening to you talk. in group situations, she’d take the lead. she’d make sure to keep an eye on you, never letting you be uncomfortable.
i think, despite what other people might think about genya, she’d have a lot in common with you. she’d have a natural talent at drawing, and she’d have a few books that she really really loved. she’d appreciate poetry as well. when you got into writing, she’d be so supportive. she’d love listening to any of your new work, and she’d give you ideas. i think she’s secretly a fantasy reader, fond of the idea of escaping into another world. you’d take her on walks into the forest nearby, taking afternoons to yourself. you’d both really enjoy the peace and quiet, and it would be a big refresher for her.
genya is also a very logical person, she definitely takes on tasks in the way a mother would. she’s also incredibly stubborn, and would win just about every argument or debate you two ever had, and you’d be content to let her win. after the darkling attacked her, people would begin to talk about her, and call her ruined. it would be the only time you’d ever see self conscious, and it would break your heart. you’d do all that you could to reassure her and make her feel beautiful, and tell anyone who made fun of her to piss off, or there’d be consequences. otherwise, you’d have to get the king involved, and nikolai would be more than happy to step in and help you.
she’d put on a front, but you could tell when things were getting to her. rather than bombard her with questions, you’d let her open up to you at her own pace. she always would, it just would take a little time. taking her into the forest would make it go a little faster because she’d feel more relaxed and at peace with you.
you’d try and get her mind off of whatever was bothering her, especially if it was because someone said something about her scars.
“look,” you’d smile, holding her hand. “there’s a caterpillar on this tree! he’s beautiful, isn’t he?”
she’d smile softly, watching it inch up the trunk. she’d stay quiet, making you frown. you’d sigh, squeezing her hand.
“do you know what metamorphosis is?” you’d ask.
she’d shake her head.
“it’s the process of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. it goes in one way, and comes out looking entirely different. metamorphosis means transformation, or change in shape.”
she’d look at it solemnly, watching it climb. “it doesn’t know it’s going to look different soon. don’t you think it’ll miss how it was before?”
you’d frown at her words. she may have been looking at the butterfly, but you knew she was referring to herself. she was missing her beauty, at least in the way she considered herself to be beautiful. to you, she was still the most beautiful woman you had ever seen. even more so, especially since she was strong enough to keep going even after all that had happened to her.
you’d turn to her, cupping her face in your palms. she’d flinch ever so slightly, but you’d gently calm her, running your thumbs along her cheekbones.
“i don’t know what he’ll feel, darling. yes, he’ll look different. but that doesn’t mean he isn’t beautiful…he just looks different. but he’s still the same on the inside, isn’t he? just with a new form. he hasn’t changed, not really. he just looks a little different. but beautiful both ways. don’t you agree?”
she’d lean into your touch, giving you a soft smile. you’d pull her into a hug, pressing a kiss to her cheek.
“you look beautiful today, by the way. just in case i haven’t told you that yet.”
she’d grin, clutching you tightly to her. “so do you, darling. so do you.”
hi again! hope you enjoyed this :)
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istherewifiinhell · 10 months ago
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im being an asshole here and these are gonna be shittly annonated more than described... for the sake of my fucking health lol. (mental and RSI lol) pls go look at my wifi reads mirage tag for better and more worth while comics blogging (lot of those are labours of love u know)
okay now to commence with the comic that hurt my brain. lets see. 5 issues? oh and only one i even kinda liked. uh oh
lemme do my due first.
ST vs TF No. 1: written john barber, mike johnson, art philip murphy
colours priscilla tramontano letters christa miesner edits chase marotz and david mariotte pub greg goldstien
No. 2: colours by leonardo ito and josh burcham No. 3: art by jack lawrence. colours by burcham No. 4&5: art by murphy
(its a name and shame as much as its giving credit >_>)
what i want from my tf st crossover comic:
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like. 1. mccoy aphorism (also... may i?) 2. brilliant. perfect. spock saying illogical and optimus prime in the same sentence. no notes.
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. 1. mccoy called her MAAM. ghbfdjhg. see. im saying. if u gonna do a sexist thing. at least put an old southern man it using his manners <3 only time i really enjoyed a woman being on screen im afraid. 2. they turned the enterprise into a big robot. yaaaaay.
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kirk says. prime directive. oppie says. PRIME's directive. hearty chucky. great.
a note here u can see that this is a g1 and tas crossover. i have no familarity with tas actually (is that shocking i wonder. 70s cartoons i know less of, in fact) so like idk maybe theres some stuff i dont like cause its actually a reference or smth. lol. THE INCLUSION OF. tf stuff thats clearly not aligned with actual g1 cartoon visually or thematically tho.... i have my doubts. sucks </3
(see that those first four were by lawarence, which i like. and the next two by murphy, which i dont tho those arent particularly bad showings)
the things i did not really want but knew i was gonna get anyway 'dammit im a doctor not an x' 'more than meets the eye' <- TOO MANY TIMES. talk about blowing ur load. and not even in a fun way.
but there were things ill always like too see. like speaking of blowing ur load.
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.1. megop menacing each other. gayass. 2. megs unloading a fusion blast into prime. rearrange his GUTS!!!!
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.1. megs looming and threatening. oppie on the ground. you wanted to do WHAT on cybertron? 2. they are grappling each other. hehe hold hands.
and screamer:
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megs riding inside screamers cockpit in gun mode. hey thats two the phallic things for the price of one.
yes girl go do ur crazy shit i know how it goes lol.
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screamer is refering to the klingons in both cases. 2. hey like. why u phrase it like that (microagression)(gay as hell)
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.1. lawrence screamer. my tiny wife (so small. drawn so good. i cant explain it) 2. lawrence megs. hes handsome :) (whats with the moment of victory line tho)
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MOM! you never take MY side. thats a lot of judgement for not having a face soundwave
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screamer menacing the klingons. hes crushed many high councils and fuck the government.
WAIT. BASED STARSCREAM. SAY THAT SHIT. also thats just a classic g1 screamer face ill give u that murphy. thats him throwing megs out the air lock type shit.
now why exactly this comic thought i would care more about like. tos klingons (sure one of the enemy factions but not particularly. like... ICONIC?) than the decepticons. like.... idk obviously the decepticons cant win but why can the klingons get a win over them u know? like idk... tos klingons are whatever. g1 cons. thats. those are my guys?????
but hey at least they put megatron in bondage
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like. oh for me? thigh restrains.... why u shouldnt have..... i am barking at this image even if i think his arms are wrong? cant quite place it. cursed my dick etc.
OKAY. now heres some concern points. women.
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woman decepticon (who looks weird btw) grabbing kirk and shes 'not his type'. BAD.
and yes instead of the fair superior make some of the seekers girls method. THATS AIRARCNID for some fucking reason. and she still has that stupid fucking steath helicopter alt instead of. oh idk ANYTHING that would look normal next to g1 vehicles. even windblade looks better in alt mode. where the FUCK IS SKYWARP (girl version <3)
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screamer calling her airachnid (also this comp reference straight from the g1 s1 intro)
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utube screenshot. same pose, different character positions
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TC, screamer and soundwave posing up. the the lady con crammed behind them. me when i definitely remembered to block the woman into my pencils (this is the artist i like. CHRIST) (also cause im definitely working from a thumbnailed layout and not just comping in all these crisp jpegs like... however)<- more the other guy
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sulu 'flying' wind blade. she tells him to back off. the amount of things i dont like about this image...... do i even need to say em? WHO LET IT HAPPENED
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acree grabs ravage. (kitty) to protect mech version of mress (cat alien). why the fuck does robot mress look cooler than arcee thats sad (though that arm...... )
also now that i think about... i dont think i ever saw arcees alt... this is g1... she literally has one whats ur fucking problem. comic from 2018. shes had one since 1986. no one is asking u to prove the transformation scheme WORKS.
THE JAZZ ISSUE.
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group posing of autobots. acree looks bad next to earth alt mode bots as always. wind blade looks bad just ingeneral as always. ratchet and bees faces look.... not great. jazz looks fine but hes yelling about not wanting to see humans.
so like..... theres this thing...... ive seen this guys comics wiki page and theirs a lot of jokes about him shooting humans. why does jazz hate humans? (like. i know. at least one comic i guess? multiple? unsure. went has far as. HE HAD TO SHOOT A COP. to save someones life. which. which. sure. thats. a commentary. probably. what is GOING ON in there) anway. i think including whatever stupid fucking baggage u gave him into. THE SILLY HAHA 70s and 80s CARTOON CROSSOVER. IS DUMB. hey jazz is really agressive and hates humans now. NO ONE SEES THE PROBLEM THERE? IS I THIS THING ON?
and then they still had him do some nominally g1 jazz like dialogue (i cannot speak to the authenticity of his use of jive slang uh... ever? but at least in the cartoon it was being said by scatman crothers?) anyway. really weird. bad tonally. jazz is my fucking friend he LIKES humans. thats the whole fucking.... THING. what the hell.
also combining it with even having to just. SEE windblade. eh yeah well. you know.
FINALLY. the art. i actually dont want to spend too long just specifically belabouring the bad art. i mean 1. cause i dont want to screenshot a bunch of bad art. two cause yeah its kinda mean. 3. im not actually sure i can explain it in a way that wont make me sound crazy. i hate when i start getting the really niche tf opinions like this.
but like. yeah the comp isnt very good. like artistically and also literally whatever way they were getting all the characters into the same scenes. not great like. perspective or sense of place which.... kinda need that one. in this specific case.... weird errors that stood out too. some awkward paneling too....
but mainly yeah i found the way murphy drew the g1s like... really off putting. as soon as i got to no. 3 i was literally just so relieved i scrolled the whole thing without reading it first just to. look. and then that was the only one </3
just something like no no this way of drawing the blocks ISNT GOOD. kibble looks wrong. etc. and then also. g1 characters just. dont move in certain ways okay. in the arms and stuff... i know it when i see it. (smh at myself) whatever.
in essence and most important i guess. it didnt often charm me. for shame.
but may i present
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optical illusion acid storm. damn i guess they really must be a non binary icon cause i cant fucking figure out what angle thats supposes to be. (<- unclear what i mean by that)(actually i think this is nifty more that bad like. it genuinely is tricking my eyes)
worst fucking splash page ive seen in my life
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the decepticons coming in to kick starscreams ass. all just kinda pasted together without much scale, composition, values. etc. note rumbles (purple guy, bottom right) missing head (like yeah hes mid transform but.... it looks dumb. what was gained drawing him this way) and trypticon (that big robot dinosaur you may notice just kinda. in the background layer) lines being way larger. as if it was just. select transformed to be big enough for this. it actually haunted me cause it looked so much like default art or smth. not that i could find tho. BUT HEY! skywarp. (top left corner)
like idk boss it looks like ass. if i saw this printed out and slid into some kids binder id be like. oh wow bud thats awesome! you like the decepticons? me too! did you edit this other your self? thats cool!!!
in conclusion
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girl boss cover (screen cuts to black but u can hear me muffled but loud and agonized "nurse chaple wasnt even IN-)
okay im gonna need to be a hater in peace here
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hornime · 4 years ago
Text
watch and learn | iwaizumi hajime x f!reader x team japan
there were two things they all had in common: the growing bulges in their pants that they were urgently trying to distract themselves from, and the fact that their full attention was on you.
warnings: 18+, timeskip!everyone, BIG MANGA SPOILERS BASICALLY, exhibitionism, voyeurism, orgasm denial
w/c: 3.1k
a/n: now i don’t know if iwaizumi hajime (27) athletic trainer learned about female orgasms when he was studying sports science at irvine BUT he def knows how to show a girl a good time which is reason enough for me to write this. also, i read this article to prep for this piece and it was super enlightening, so i do recommend giving it a read if you’re interested!
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in the middle of his morning run, iwaizumi slowed momentarily to check the repetitive buzzing of this phone, curious as to who was messaging him this early. when he’d left the apartment, you were sleeping, and you had the tendency to still be sleeping by the time he returned, so who else could it be?
he unlocked his phone, quickly finding the source of the notifications: the team japan group chat.
[06:43 AM] miya: hey @iwaizumi—you know stuff abt the human body right?
[06:43 AM] miya: cus like you studied it in college and shit??
iwaizumi rolled his eyes. i spent four years in america to earn my degree, came back home to support my country’s olympic team, and dealt with the biggest idiots of volleyball, only to get treated like this?
[06:44 AM] iwaizumi: yes, miya. i took many courses on the human body. in fact that’s the purpose of my job. to know the human body. because i am a fucking athletic trainer.
[06:44 AM] miya: okay okay i get it. dumb question
[06:44 AM] iwaizumi: why? is something up? you need help or anything?
[06:44 AM] miya: uhhh kinda
[06:44 AM] miya: @hinata i’m not fucking asking this
[06:44 AM] bokuto: bro just do it
[06:44 AM] miya: @hinata @hinata @hinata 
iwaizumi cocked an eyebrow. what the hell are they going on about?
[06:45 AM] iwaizumi: so am i needed or...
[06:45 AM] hinata: YES
[06:45 AM] hinata: we had a question
[06:46 AM] sakusa: by “we” he means him, miya, and bokuto
[06:46 AM] suna: yeah don’t bring us into this
[06:46 AM] hinata: don’t listen to them! both suna and sakusa wanna know too
[06:46 AM] iwaizumi: okay. what’s up
[06:47 AM] hinata: we wanted to know how to make a girl cum
he chuckled in disbelief.
[06:47 AM] iwaizumi: you’re telling me that you guys are in your mid-20s, literal olympic athletes, and you don’t know how to make a girl cum
[06:47 AM] iwaizumi: have you never done it before??
[06:47 AM] miya: NO
[06:47 AM] miya: FOR THE RECORD IVE MADE MANY GIRLS CUM
[06:48 AM] bokuto: ME TOO
[06:48 AM] bokuto: i think
he laughed out loud, briefly startling another runner on the sidewalk.
[06:48 AM] iwaizumi: you guys are unbelievable
[06:48 AM] hinata: i mean she says she finished but idk what i did to make that happen
[06:48 AM] bokuto: ^^
[06:48 AM] hinata: so like i wanna know how to actually do it
[06:48 AM] suna: actually im kinda interested in this too
[06:48 AM] aran: i pray for your future girlfriends. this is painful to see. im out
[06:48 AM] kageyama: i’m with aran on this one. you guys are dumb
[06:48 AM] hinata: shut up. you suck.
[06:48 AM] miya: cmon iwaizumi, help a guy out
[06:48 AM] sakusa: it wouldnt hurt for you to give us some pointers at least
iwaizumi sighed.
[06:49 AM] iwaizumi: @miya @hinata @bokuto @suna @sakusa meet in the locker room after practice. ill give you guys a lesson in the art of pleasing a woman
to teach effectively, he needed a volunteer, though he was sure you wouldn’t need much convincing. you’d always loved the attention, and the biceps, of the pro athletes. he spun on his heel and jogged home.
you woke up to the sound of your apartment door opening, your boyfriend creeping inside, forehead damp with sweat.
“hey,” you said quietly, making your way towards him.
“hey, baby. sorry for waking you up, i was trying to be quiet.”
you giggled sleepily. “s’okay, haji. you spoil me too much anyway, always letting me sleep in for hours while you’re off doing god knows what.”
at that, his eyes crinkled in amusement, and as you tried to step into a hug, he shuffled back. “woah there, baby. i gotta shower, ‘m all gross from my run. and then,” he gave you a peculiar look that you couldn’t quite place, “i got a proposition for you.”
after his shower, he waltzed out of the bathroom, steam wafting out from behind the door. his tanned body made you feel things you definitely shouldn’t be barely an hour after the sun’s risen, and you reached out to massage the tension in his shoulders. “so, what’s your proposition?”
“well,” he hesitated. “it’s a bit... unconventional. the team asked me to show them how to make a girl cum,” he took in your intrigued expression. “and it’d be a lot easier to explain if i had someone to do a live demonstration with. so,” his eyes flicked up to you. “that’s where you’d come in.”
“a... live demonstration? like you’re gonna make me cum in front of them?”
“yeah, essentially.” he gave you a devilish grin. “you want that, baby? wanna show those boys how a real man treats a gorgeous woman like you?”
you rubbed your thighs at his words. “yeah,” you purred. “i do. wanna show them how good you are to me.”
and that’s how you found yourself nestled between iwaizumi’s muscled thighs, back pressed against his chest, completely naked, with five of japan’s best volleyball players staring at your body in awe.
practically an expert in his field, iwaizumi knew the human body inside and out. this had many benefits; of course it allowed him to catapult up the ranks and work with the country’s best athletes to keep them at the top of their game, but it also had a unique side effect: an overwhelming vault of knowledge on how to make a woman feel good anywhere. 
you’d seen the proof firsthand; he knew exactly where to push, prod, stroke, and tease to have you cumming in seconds, over and over, as many times as you wanted. he was amazing, and you were well-aware just how lucky you were to have such a talented man in the sheets.
“oi,” iwaizumi snapped his fingers, drawing each of the players’ eyes away from your glistening cunt. “pay attention. i know more than anybody that she’s hot as fuck, but you gotta listen to what i’m saying or else there’s no point to this.”
he lightly pressed his lips against your collarbone, slowly tracing them against your jaw, the contact making you squirm. “if you wanna make a girl cum, first thing you gotta do is make her comfortable. if she’s worried about how she looks or sounds or smells she’s gonna be too stressed to let go.” he moved his hands to grope your tits, his calloused fingers brushing over your hardening nipples. “so reassure her, tell her how irresistible she is, how pretty her moans are, how tasty her pussy is. shit like that. the sexier she feels the better it’ll be.”
he leaned into you, whispering into your ear. “feeling good, baby? we can stop whenever.”
you nodded weakly, afraid to open your mouth, barely holding in your whines as his palms worked wonders on your chest and stomach, sending shocks of heat wherever they touched. 
you craned your neck up to observe the men before you. atsumu was flushed red, wringing his hands as if he was worried they’d do something embarrassing if he didn’t keep them occupied. hinata was bouncing his leg up and down, wiping his palms on his shorts as he took in the plushness of your thighs. bokuto was basically drooling, greedily tracing your soft curves with his eyes. suna maintained his indifferent expression, but the reddening tips of his ears showed that he was a lot more hot and bothered than he let on. sakusa stood quietly to the side, leaning against the wall, mask tucked under his chin as if he’d just realized how much the temperature had gone up in the room.
there were two things they all had in common: the growing bulges in their pants that they were urgently trying to distract themselves from, and the fact that their full attention was on you.
"make sure to try different things; there’s multiple ways to make a woman cum. only like a quarter of women experience orgasms just from penetration,” someone made a sound of shock. “yes, the number is that small, bokuto.” 
his fingertip slowly trailed past your belly button, dipping into the mess between your thighs, causing you to slightly arch your back into the solid chest supporting you. “foreplay with the clit is your best bet; even stupid fucks like you probably wouldn’t screw it up too bad.”
hinata opened his mouth to speak, but iwaizumi anticipated his question and continued.
“i know you’re wondering where the clit is. it’s around here, under this hood of skin,” he slid his digit between your labia. “s’not gonna come with a label so you gotta explore a little bit. i know where hers is like the back of my hand, but for you guys, with your girls, you’re gonna have to move your fingers around. slowly. and pay attention to her expressions.” he began to rub in a circular motion around your clit, causing you to make small whimpers of pleasure and shift your hips to meet his movements. 
“if she clenches up or twitches when you feel a certain spot, like this,” your legs flexed as he increased the pressure, “that’s the clit. be kind, it’s not a volleyball. be gentle n’ make small circles, whether it’s with your fingers or your tongue.” 
he thought for a second. “speaking of which, oral’s important. very important. most women cum when they’ve been eaten out, so use your mouths for something more useful than just dirty talk. suck on the clit, maybe tongue-fuck her a ‘lil, but your main focus should always be the clit.”
he removed his hands from your sopping pussy, and you made a pathetic noise of frustration. “’m sorry, baby,” he muttered seductively in your ear. “don’t wanna have you finishing too early. lesson’s barely started.”
he turned his attention back to your audience, his lustful tone being replaced by a more instructional one. “there’s other places that’ll help a woman orgasm, too: her nipples, her neck, her ears—”
“her ears?” sakusa questioned. he blushed profusely as everyone turned to look at him, surprised that he’d opened his mouth. “what? we were all thinking it.”
“s’a valid question,” iwaizumi said. “yeah, you can lick ‘em if they’re sensitive. hers are.” as if to prove his statement, he licked a stripe on the shell of you ear, making you wiggle helplessly at the stimulation. “‘n leave kisses everywhere else. feels good for them just like it does for us.” he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him and forcing your movements to stop as he traced patterns with his tongue all around your neck.
“something you should know about an orgasm is that it’s something called a positive feedback loop.” he looked up and was met with five blank stares. shouldn’t have expected anything from these dumb jocks, he lamented. “basically that means that, once you start releasing sexual tension, things will feel better and better until you climax.”
“oh!” atsumu chirped. “like how my sets get better and better throughout a game.”
“no, not really,” he quipped. “your sets suck throughout.” atsumu frowned at that.
iwaizumi exhaled exasperatedly. “the general idea is that the body gets more and more sensitive, muscle contractions become more and more frequent, and touches feel more and more stimulating until you cum. all right?”
they all made noises of understanding except for bokuto and hinata, whose eyes had glazed over at the first mention of an academic term. whatever, iwaizumi thought. they’ll get it through example.
"don’t worry about it too much if you don’t get it, that’s just an orgasm on paper. in practice, though, this is the crucial step: listen to her. she knows what feels good. never forget that you’re just an idiot with a cock.” he took a breath, gathering his thoughts before proceeding with his lecture.
“if she tells you to slow down, you slow down. if she tells you to go harder, you go harder. if she tells you to keep doing what you’re doing, you...”
“keep doing what you’re doing”, they all chimed in at staggered times.
“that’s right. don’t go faster or else you’ll mess up the rhythm and she won’t cum. and you wanna make her cum, don’t you?”
they nodded simultaneously.
“so if you keep up the tempo and force that feels good to her, you’ll be fine. questions?”
suna spoke up. “what about,” he choked on the word. “penetration?”
hinata hummed in agreement and bokuto jumped in. “yeah, what if i wanna make her cum on my cock?”
iwaizumi made a weird face. “that’s some pretty advanced stuff, but i guess i can go over it. when you try it, though, you have to be patient. with both of your bodies. s’not rocket science but s’not always easy. also it depends on the woman but sometimes she physically won’t be able to finish from penetration alone. just make sure you’re communicating.”
his swirled two fingers over your hole before shoving them in, your wetness making it easy for him to thrust in and out as your entrance stretched to accommodate him. “f—fuck!” your eyes flew open at the intrusion and you body lurched forward, but you were held back by his strong forearm. “ohmygod, oh my g—ah! feels s’good haji, s’good!”
“i know, baby, i know. you’re taking it so well.” he turned his attention back to the men, each of who were gulping heavily. if that didn’t signal to you that they were evidently affected by your moans, the way they shifted in their workout shorts did.
“boys, focus.” he curled his fingertips, brushing at the spongy spot at the top of your walls, ripping a pleasured wail from your throat and causing tears to prick at your eyelashes. “when you’re fingering her, you’ll feel an area inside that’s a bit soft and squishy. that’s the g-spot.”
you trembled in his arms as he mercilessly struck the same place over and over again with his fingers. “when you’re fucking her, try to keep the pressure building there, but it’ll be harder to make her finish since you can’t see what you’re doing.”
your breath hitched as iwaizumi’s incessant movements brought your body tantalizingly close to your release. he suddenly stopped and you almost sobbed in disappointment, until he plunged his fingers impossibly deeper.
a guttural scream of ecstasy came from within you, and your eyes rolled back as he began playing with another part of you, your body putty in his hands. “hngh, haji, ah! so good, s’good...” you threw your hands back around his neck, nails digging into the skin as you desperately tried to keep yourself grounded. your soft moans filled the air.
“stop clenching,” he hissed. “can barely move my hand.” you tried to relax but failed miserably as the tips of his fingers grazed your cervix. 
“holy fuck,” suna muttered. “you’re a god.”
“she sounds so pretty,” atsumu said in amazement.
“i wanna make a girl feel good like that, too!” bokuto sulked.
“you can do it, bokuto!” hinata hit him on the arm. “just listen to iwaizumi. clearly he knows what he’s talking about.” 
their eyes refocused on your figure, writhing in pleasure, prompting white hot waves of arousal to pool in their stomachs. 
“yeah,” sakusa said. “clearly.”
“stop talking,” iwaizumi ordered. “and listen. beyond the g-spot is the cervix, which is basically the end of the vagina. if you’re long enough,” he briefly scanned each of their faces, “which i’m sure you are, you’ll be able to reach it if you bottom out.”
“haji—hajime, please.” the stimulation was coming absolutely unbearable, and you could tell he was sadistically holding you at the edge, refusing to give you the satisfaction of finishing. “lemme cum, please. please lemme cum, please, please, i can’t—i can’t take it ‘nymore!”
“what was that? you can’t take it anymore? gonna cum?” you helplessly bobbed your head up and down, hoping that he’d give you permission. “well,” he growled, “we can’t have that happening, can we?”
he abruptly halted his thrusts, pulling his fingers out of you with an embarrassing squelch and popping them into his mouth. pearly tears rolled down your cheeks as you grieved the loss of contact and relief.
your viewers looked on in horror, feeling immense sympathy for you; you just looked so dejected from being denied yet another orgasm.
“why didn’t you—why didn’t you let her cum?” bokuto asked.
“why do you think?” iwaizumi snapped. “don’t want you guys to see her when she does. that’s for me, and only me.”
“oh, okay,” he responded, disgruntlement clear in his voice.
iwaizumi’s glare could cut glass, it was so sharp. the possessiveness that had enveloped his mind made him hyperfocus on just one thought: being alone with you. “so, any other questions? if not, we’re done here.”
you pouted at that, not wanting the demonstration to be over. “but haji,” you mumbled into his collarbone. “i di’nt get to cum. and i wanna.” you looked up at him, eyes wide with want. “please make me cum.”
iwaizumi sent a harsh glance to the players that nonverbally communicated his message loud and clear: get out. they shuffled awkwardly out of the locker room due to the hardness between their legs that they would most definitely need to deal with soon.
your boyfriend turned his attention back to you. “’m sorry, i know i had to deny you a bunch of times. i just really hated the idea of anyone but me seeing the cute way you look when you cum.”
you made a small noise of acknowledgement and a little whisper of it’s okay, haji. he looked down, sensing the way your poor, desperate cunt was pulsing around nothing, the erotic sight injecting him with the pure need to ravage you.
he shifted his head to kiss you passionately. “why don’t i make it up to you?” he breathed between your parted lips before picking you up by the backs of your thighs, forcing you to lock your ankles around his waist. 
he delicately situated you onto one of the recovery beds at the back of the room, before murmuring something that made your pussy throb in anticipation: “i’ll make you cum whichever way you want, however many times you want, all right? all you gotta do is lay back and take it.”
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© property of hornime 2021. do not plagiarize any of my writing and do not repost/copy my writing onto any other sites.
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dulceackles · 4 years ago
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How much salt can ants handle / Victoria De angelis
Requested: no 
summary: as the night sets y/n finds herself suffering with anxiety. However, she gets a call from victoria who takes her on an adventure beautiful enough to ease her racing mind and a broken heart.
Pairing: Victoria De Angelis x reader (she/her, third person)
word count: 1.7k
content and warnings: angst, tw anxiety
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In a dim light the room looked heavy. Like the walls might stumble and the sealing might fall. In a dim light of her bedroom, y/n felt her mind touch the rye needle. The art of taking things easy was something y/n had never learned. In her mind, she didn’t know where the world ended or who loved her. A lot of the time what she knew was only the crooked feeling of her own skin tightening around her like a rigid corset or her breathing getting stuck in her throat. And so t was that night too. 
She couldn’t tell what were the big things so she made the big out of them all. And the future full of big things made itself terrifying to a small human. Y/n got up from her bed. She had been trying to sleep thoughts away but what didn’t come as a surprise, head full of disasters was hard to sleep with. The cold floor felt piercing underneath her bare feet. Slowly she walked to the old sofa sitting in the back of  her living room. 
Sometimes she made a list in her head of all the bad things that could happen. And after that, if she was ever ready, she made a list of all the bad ways she could react to the bad things happening. A lot of the time it felt like the birds didn’t arrive at the glow of spring or like the sky never cleared. She knew most of her fears were irrational, stupid as someone would say. Still, everything stopped them from going away. She wished that maybe when she was older it’d get easier but more than that she feared they never would. 
Corset, that was her skin was. Then what sounded like a firework in the silence, her phone rang. She looked at her phone screen with her tired eyes. It was Victoria. A million bad things could have happened for her to call y/n at night, atleast that’s what y/n thought but as she answered the phone, she heard Victoria’s warming voice. 
"Hi," her voice was energetic like it wasn't midnight at all. "I hope I didn't wake you up."
Victoria knew y/n ralely slept at those hours. Many times they had been texting at two o'clock in night, wishing time would stop and night would last little longer. And y/n loved that about her, that like the sky was for mountains she was always there for her. Over the last year that she had known her she had grown feelings towards her she was too afraid to admit outload.
"Oh no, i was awake." Y/n muttered to the phone her voice still slightly shaking and she wished Victoria wouldn't notice. She wasn't feeling great but Victoria defendly had snapped her out of her own stormy mind.
"I can't sleep, I think I took a little too long nap at 5 pm but I also heard there's a blood moon tonight," Victoria explained herself from the other side of the line. "So wanna come to watch it with me? To the swing?"
The swing was the place Victoria had showed y/n the first time they ever met. They'd been drunk at friends' party and the story had taken elsewhere and so the two girls had found each other on this forgotten field with only the threes and one old swing.
"a blood moon?" Y/n asked.
"Yeah. Thought i'd be pretty cool." Y/n could only imagine the expression Victoria had on her face. Sometimes she got really excited over spontanious things and y/n never wanted to be the one to ruin it.
"Sure let's go." Y/n said to the phone. She was pretty happy about getting outside the dark apartment she had been rotting in for the past few days and feeling all the emotions she didn't want to feel.
"Good cus im already at your door." Victoria laughed.
“What?” Y/n trots to the window on her left and as she looks down to the apartment front, she indeed sees the light-haired girl with a big smile on her face under the street lights.
Y/n chuckles a little bit, "alright, I'll come down in a sec."
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There was only one store in the whole tinpot sleeping town that was open during the night and even though it meant a little longer walk, the girls were certain the moon could not be watched without a family-sized pack of chips.
The greenish-yellow drugstore light flickered over them as they searched the stacks from those one specific brand of cheap flavored chips they had grown found over mainly because it was what they always bought when they were together and it was night. It had become this unwritten rule that where there was night, food, Victoria and y/n, the food was these chips.
“I swear to God if they don't have them.” Victoria already blustered until both of their eyes snatched into the orange pack with pretentious font over it.
"There!" Both of them yelped at the same time causing the tired-looking cashier to glared at them like he was about to kick them out simply because the girls were too awake for him to have them in his store at that time of the night but then again, he hated drunk party people more than he hated night owls.
Victoria and y/n grabbed the chip back and ran to the cash register like there was only one second left. And how could have they known but as the chip back flowted on the black assembly line, y/n felt as if maybe there was.
" thank you!" Victoria thanked the cashier as she grabbed y/n's hand and began to hasten out of the store.
Victoria's shoft hand felt electric on y/n skin. Sometimes it almost slipped from her mouth that she wished Victoria's hand would never leave hers or more so that no stranger's hand would ever find Victoria's. But of course over anything she wished as an endlessly burning sun that one day Victoria would hold someone's hand that maybe was stranger to her but a lover to Victoria. Sometimes she wish it could have been her but something behind her eat whispered to her that prehaps she was the worst thing Victoria had ever gotten attached to and that's why it never slipped from her month.
The moon indeed was red that night. Hanging in the sky it shimmered the earth with its red cast. The dirt underneath their toes rustled as they finally reached the swing.
"Take a swing, I'll see how many chips you can catch." Victoria said as she opened the chip back and prepared herself to aim at y/n's month.
Y/n giggled. She maybe had played the game last time in elementary school but she also remembered being good at it.
Y/n pushes herself into the swing and launched herself forward, trying to get into the best speed possible.
The rough old rope felt foul against y/n palms as she holds onto the swing and Victoria tried to throw chips at her but quite frankly, in the dark y/n couldn't tell at all where the chips were flying at.
"This was harder than I remembered." Y/n laught as victoria waved her hands.
"Did you catch any?" Victoria giggled. They both knew this was dumb but it was the best part of it.
"No I mean one hit my face and that was the closest one" y/n stopped the swing from swinging.
"Damn. Well, the ants gonna have a diner party tonight then." Victoria walked closer to y/n and sat on her lap to the swing. A lot of the times they just came to the swing to sit and talk and because there was only one swing, they quite often also tested the ability and streight of the old ropes holding the swing on the tree.
"Not sure how much salt the ants can handle tho." Y/n said as she wrapped her arms around Victoria.
"Me either, maybe not at all." Victoria said as she watched the moon over them. "It is red indeed." Victoria signed.
"Yeah, it is." Y/n could smell the sweet smell of her soft hair. She wanted to lean her head against her neck but resisted because what she thought was prevailed to exposing the truth that she thought she was hiding.
"You know what else was red? Your eyes when you came down the stairs." Victoria got up and turned to face her. "So what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, Vic." Y/n let her cold hands fall to her lap.
"I also know when you lie." Victoria crossed her arms, eyeing y/n who still sat on the squeaky swing.
Y/n just stared right back of her. She didn't really know what to say or how to express what was wrong. In a way, she hoped she'd understand or that she'd know how she felt when everything felt big and the sky was falling. But she also feared she was a blue burden and so she didn't know what to say.
Victoria signed. It spiked y/n's heart because she didn't want to make her frustrated or angry with her, she just didn't know what to say and she didn't feel brave enough either.
But what came to y/n as an suprise, Victoria leaned little bit forward and pressed her warm lips againgst her fraught onces. Victoria's lips felt soft against hers and her tongue slowly traced her lips. It was tender sweet and y/n heart race and blush rose as she tasted Victoria. Y/n lifted her hands to gently pull her closer and Victoria slightly smiled into the kiss of how into it y/n was getting.
Soon Victoria pulled away, leaving y/n swollen lips. She looked up to her and Victoria gently run her thumb over y/n's lips before sitting back into her lap and wrapping y/n's arms back around her.
"When you feel like talking just tell me." She said as she watched the moon that was just as red as was her heart. "I truly believe you'd feel better if you sometimes talked to someone."
Y/n nobbed, and then she wrapped her arms tighter around her snuggled her head into her neck.
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peggyrose19 · 4 years ago
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All I Want
I wrote another one :) They’re just so fun. This takes place in the future by about three years. Luke is away at college somewhere and Saint stayed on the island (I think). At some point you may get that whole thing, but for now you just get this. Characters by @lumosinlove
For @im-oknutzy-trash, it’s all going to be okay love
cw: character death mention
Luke stood on the porch staring up at the stars, not sure why he was still awake. It was late, far past midnight. Sleep called to him but he ignored it, instead staying outside, breathing in the crisp air. It was quiet, chilly. It didn’t smell of salt here, the way home did. He missed it.
In that moment, all he wanted was Saint. He knew, he knew he wasn’t supposed to, that he couldn’t want that. Saint was gone from his life now, just the teenage boy from his memory, that had healed his heart and then left it in pieces. And yet. He found himself craving Saint’s touch, the familiar comfort of his body.
But Saint wasn’t there. Saint was on Hogwarts, thousands of miles away, thinking of someone other than Luke. And Luke was stuck here, standing on a porch in the middle of the night cursing up at the stars, wishing for the boy to come save him again.
“Well Tweedle, if I’d known things would get this bad, I would’ve tried harder to get you to stay,” a familiar voice quipped from behind, and for a moment Luke couldn’t move. Everything in him froze, alight with memories Luke whipped around and met Saint’s golden eyes.
“Saint.”
He smiled crookedly. “Hey Luke.”
Luke hadn’t realized he’d moved until suddenly he was in Saint’s arms, face pressed to his shoulder, breathing in the familiar smell of salt that hung to everything Saint owned. He clung to him as if Saint was a lifeline, pulling him from the icy depths of the ocean.
“Saint, what the fuck are you doing here?” Luke asked when he’d finally pulled away.
“I heard about your mom,” Saint replied, and Luke frowned further. “And then you didn’t… you didn’t come home, for the funeral. Lot of people missing you back home.”
Luke had always liked that about Saint: he got to the point. He never sugar-coated anything, never lied for the sake of protecting someone’s feelings. At times it had it’s drawbacks, had led to Luke resenting him at times. But in this moment it was good. Luke didn’t want empty apologies or condolences, shared memories from people he didn’t know.
He wanted Saint. Saint, who knew better than to offer false sympathies, who could hold him close and make the whole world disappear, who had been there for everything and still stuck around. He had wanted the boy that knew him better than anyone and then he had appeared, as if he had read his mind.
That doesn’t explain why you’re here. Or how…” Luke trailed off. He didn’t know how to say it, how to ask the questions plaguing his mind.
“I came for you,” Saint replied, before Luke had a chance to try.
“But why? Why do you still care, after three years? Why bother?”
Saint exhaled forcefully and glared at him. Or tried to. At least some things didn’t change. Like Saint trying to act irritated and Luke laughing at him. But Saint’s next words made it hard to laugh.
“Because it’s you, you fucking idiot. How could I not?” Saint shook his head, voice dropping to a whisper. “How could I not?”
Luke didn’t realize how close they had become until suddenly he had one hand on Saint’s chest, as if holding him at bay and tugging him closer all at once. He heard Saint’s breath catch, felt his own heart race ever faster, and he wanted.  Wordlessly, Luke kissed him.
Saint didn’t pull away, which surprised him. Luke hadn’t expected to get this far, had expected Saint to push him away and hide his pain with humor the way he always did. But that didn’t happen this time. Instead, Saint kissed him back, gentle and soft, the taste of honey on his lips Somehow Saint’s hands found his hair, running through his unruly curls, and Luke let himself sink into Saint, into his intoxicating heat, so familiar and new even after three years apart.
When they finally did pull apart, Luke panted heavily, watching Saint step back under the crescent moon.
“Saint…” he whispered, and those warm brown eyes found his again.
“I know.”
“Please don’t leave.” His voice broke.
Without a sound, Saint reached out and grabbed his hand. Luke let him. And when Saint pulled him towards the door, Luke followed, leading Saint back to his empty dorm room. They left the lights off and got in bed, cautiously feeling their way in semi-darkness.
“Tell me,” Saint whispered after a while, studying Luke’s face in the dim light, one hand running through his hair. Their legs tangled together, hidden beneath the thin blanket.
Luke let his eyes slip shut. “It’s complicated.”
“I can handle complicated, Tweedle.”
He opened his eyes again to see Saint smiling at him, a hint of sadness in his face. His expression was open in a way Luke so rarely saw, those eyes searching.
And so Luke told him. Of the complicated relationship he and his mother had always had. The way she had checked out after his father’s arrest, barely sparing her son a second glance. All the times he’d needed her then and she hadn’t been there, had left him to fend for himself. He told Saint of the good things too, swimming with her in the ocean as a child, drinking lemonade on the porch and feeling like an adult, going to parties and being able to say ‘that’s my mom’ with pride. He missed those days, more than he’d ever been willing to admit. But something about Saint and the darkness made it easier to say.
When he finished, voice hoarse and tears still drying on his cheeks, Luke looked back over at Saint, half afraid of what he would find. He needn’t have been. Saint was watching him carefully, sorrow hidden in his eyes, but Luke knew where to look. He was well-practiced in the art of reading Saint.
“I’m not gonna leave you know,” he said finally. Luke blinked.
“What?” “I’m not leaving. I mean it. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. If you want me to go I’ll hang around until you get so sick of me you can’t stand the sight of me, I don’t care but I’m staying. I’m not leaving you this time. I’m not.”
“I-“ Luke didn’t know what else to say. It was so out-of-character for Saint, declarations and promises he could never ask him to keep.
“Please don’t make me leave,” Saint whispered, and that too was so unfamiliar, so different from the Saint that Luke had known.
But still he replied, “I won’t,” unthinkingly, knowing even as he said it that it was the truth.
He fell asleep still wrapped in Saint’s arms, the two of them barely fitting together on Luke’s twin bed. Saint’s body was warm, familiar. It reminded Luke of home, of the island and of high school, a bittersweet memory that sometimes he wanted and other times he didn’t. In that moment it was comforting, remembering all the times they’d spent together, finding safety in Saint’s arms once again. As his eyes slipped shut, he wished with everything that they could just stay here forever, safe and warm and in love.
But that was thing about wishes. They didn’t always come true.
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multiplefandomsblog · 4 years ago
Note
Can i request how different idv characters would act as roommates? Eli, Helena, Luca, Edgar, Vera, Norton and Fiona if thats alright with you :DDD
warnings? kinda suggestive, crack fic, cussing
mod toby and mod bread helped me do this fic, its a bit all over the place but it was fun so no regrets
Eli Clark
I feel like being roommates with eli would be pretty pleasant
everything would be clean all the time
he’s the type of kid that everyone wants on their team because of how good he is at everything
so if you scored a roomie like him, you got super lucky
if you left a mess he wouldn’t get mad, he would probably just clean it up himself and leave a sticky note that said to clean up ur mess next time(but not like, passive aggressively)
ofc you would clean up after the cute sticky note, bc who can say no to this bb? 
If you don’t clean up tho, brooke rose will probably shit on your hair when u sleep
tbh you’ve always wondered what eli looked like without his eye mask
so one time when Eli was sleeping, you went next to his bed to try and take his eye mask off and see what he looks like.
You took off the mask and found out it was a dummy 
a few seconds later you heard footsteps and you turned around
Eli came up behind you and knocked you out with a bat
you two don’t speak of that day.
Brooke kept screeching last night, and you got no sleep at all, so I guess we’re having chicken for dinner 
Unless you had a good reason, then eli and brooke prob won’t mind cleaning up after u
I can imagine you going back to your shared room in the manor after a rough match and seeing eli just sweeping the room in an apron and a cloth covering his hair looking like cinderella
“Honey, I’m home!”
basically if you lived with eli, you basically had a husband/mom/wife???
If you came back to the manor, beaten up and bruised from the last match he would prob pester you and nag you
while cleaning up you wounds he would prob say, “You have to be more careful, im always worrying. You’re gonna give your mom a heart attack!”
seriously tho, don’t worry this bb, he would actually have a heart attack
Helena Adams
i think living with helena would probably feel like some sort of kdrama
she might be a bit clumsy and trip over a few things, falling into your arms bc of her blindness
though she might be doing it on purpose
If you moved things in the room without telling her, she would probably get mad
for example, you move the sofa chair a little bit to the right bc you thought it looked better
helena walks in the room, sits down on the sofa chair and ends up accidentally sitting on the sofa chair arm rest instead
resulting in her bottom hurting and a very long talk with you
she got her revenge weeks later
she had asked you to check under her bed for monsters because she couldn’t do it herself
you were teasing her for still being afraid of monsters but looked underneath anyways
low and behold, 
she put a mirror there.
will even wack you with her cane if you’re being annoying
Her cane is pretty affective in shutting you up lol only sometimes
“Hey Helena, are you braille? ‘cause i can read you like a book when i touch yo-” *wack* *moans*
helena: ...
you: ...
helena: ...im leaving
you: heleNA WAIT-
One time everyone at the manor was celebrating Helena’s birthday with a piñata, 2 seconds later she was beating the shit out of Luca with her cane
even after everyone’s been yelling that he wasn’t the piñata
One time you and Helena had a staring contest because you were both bored.
She won.
sometimes to get her close to you, you would sit on the sofa chair super quietly and still
And then you’d wait for her to come and sit on your lap thinking it was the chair
and it would work 
she would probably sit on your lap for a few minutes, confused as to why the chair felt elevated
and then she would feel your arms snake around her waist
and she would- “whAT THE FUCK- SCREEEEEEE”
she would probably make a cute bird noise and then just sit there, not knowing if she should leave or not
in her head, “THEIR LAP IS SO WARM OH MY GOD WHY DIDN’T THIS HAPPEN SOONER”
in real life, “let go of me you pathetic mortal”
you’d beg her to stay on ur lap longer and she would cave in
but she didn’t stay because she liked you! baka
Luca Balsa
living with luca will probably be the opposite of eli’s
messes, everywhere
inventions, everywhere
at one point though you had a sneaking suspicion he might be a bunch of rats.
 you saw him outside crouching beside you guys’ room with a bunch of rats coming out his sleeve and running into a crack in the building
“its for science!”
he’s also super scared of helena
Luca doesn’t like to admit it, but he got his purple eye from Helena after he made a bad pick-up line for the blind. 
She’s been chanting “one of us” and threatening to “finish the job” ever since.
he’s basically a big baby that needs to be taken care of
i feel like he might break down sometimes from not doing his invention right, or feeling insecure
but i guess his rats are there to help
but since he had a roomie, he wouldn’t be able to cry on his own
and its a good thing because he doesnt have to do everything by himself anymore
he learns to ask for help when living with you
you’d help him through his episodes and he would slowly start to become more reliant on you
if he was feeling a bit moody, he would unconsciously try to find you to cuddle with
if you lived with him, you’d probably have to be very responsible
luca would have his own bed that he would never sleep in because he wouldn’t be able to sleep without you in his arms
everytime he shifts in bed, you’d feel a tiny shock
it kinda bothered you so
you pranked Luca by touching him with those zappy ring things you’d get from a dollar store.
You just wanted that mother fucker to get a taste of his own medicine
he would basically be a puppy that follow you around, he would constantly old your head
probably refers to you as his
like if you downed a shot that barmaid made for you, he would be like, “EYYYY THATS MY BABy-heurghrhgh”
now you have a drunk baby that you have to take care of
You tried giving luca a shower afterwards, now you know how it feels getting electrocuted.
And trust me, Luca and water do not mix.
good luck have fun
Edgar Valden
living with edgar would consist of 
1. edgar being super specific of what was his and what you can’t touch
2. big tsundere baby
3. sketches of you hiding in his sketch book
if you lived with edgar, you’d have to be super patient with his nagging or else you’d have to find a new roomie
he’s constantly nagging you
but if you are tired of it and give him the silent treatment, he’d probably just nag you even more for attention
you need to give this man attention or else
you ignored him for a whole day once because he said something mean
he decided to give you some milk and cookies as an apology
the ‘milk’ was his muddy paint water and the cookies were expired
i feel like one day you two would be arguing about who moved his stuff, your argument being he unconsciously moved his stuff, his argument being you moved his stuff
you guys were so heated up you didn’t notice how close you two were getting
edgar ended up pouncing on you like a feral dog
though when you woke up, you both agreed that you ended up winning the argument
when you’re reading or just doing nothing, he’d ask to sketch you or paint you
i-its not because he thinks you’re beautiful or anything
its just because he thinks that your whole self is aesthetically pleasing and pleasing to the eye- but not because he thinks you’re pretty!
sometimes when he was super focused on his art, he wouldn’t notice your figure slowly approach him
you’d boop his nose and watch as he froze
wh- hoW DARE YOU LAY YOUR HANDS ON A VALDEN
secretly tho, he really loves it when you do that.
like
do it more
please or not whatever
Vera Nair
Vera would probably be a bit anxious when she heard she was gonna get a roomie
but she would do her best to be at her best behaviour
she’s very well mannered and is very polite
she’d kinda be the type to silently care for you
like, she’d notice the little things that bothered you and made sure they wouldn’t bother you ever again
like, if you stubbed your toe alot, she would give everything that you could stub your toe with, rubber covers or socks
but she wouldn’t tell you it was her even though it was obviously her
if you fell asleep on your desk instead of your bed, she would probably but a blanket on ur shoulders and a pillow underneath where you left your head
she’s the thoughtful type
before you went for matches, she’d give you a cheek kiss for good luck
and if you did the same, she would probably play it cool but then panic a second later.
theykissedmetheykissedmetheykissedme-
im sorry this is short idk what to do for her-
Norton Campbell
oh BOY
once norton starts to warm up to you, you guys are basically married
like there was no proposal, just “do you take this man to be your husband- you can’t say no”
he would probably take care of you alot
even when you didn’t need it
i can do it mysel- no
but actually, before he warmed up to you he was pretty cold, 
he felt himself growing feelings for you
and he didn’t want to because he was afraid he would lose you and he would have to go through the heartbreak of losing someone all over again
he would leave the room to go hang out somewhere else
he would keep his distance and not talk with you much
but there was this one time where you woke up with him around you, you just pretended you didn’t wake up and relished in the feeling
it took some time, but eventually he warmed up to you
though he still constantly worries about you, he doesn’t want you to get hurt
during matches he would always take hits for you, and just stay closer to you in general
he wanted to make sure you got back to the manor safely, it didn’t matter if he was sent back via rocket chair
he always put you as his #1 priority
he also gets jealous super easily, he’s scared someone will swoop you away from him
so to make sure everyone knows that you belong to him, he’d give you his clothes to wear
not only do his clothes look adorable on you, everyone will know that you’re his
probably pester you a lot if you tripped or got a paper cut
“yoU COULD HAVE DIED” “IT WAS A PAPER CUT”
Once, Norton got stuck to the fridge like a magnet for 5 hours
He’s been using that as an excuse to force you to bring him his snacks every since.
pick up lines are a definite yes
sometimes you’d be shitting and you’d hear outside the bathroom door a faint,
“My love for you is like Diarrhea.” “norton what the fuck im shitting-” “i just can’t hold it in” cue camera zooming in on his face and him smirking into the camera “OH MY GOD WHY”
like Luca, his bed is useless. he always needs you in his arms when sleeping, he wants to protect you and just feel you closer to him
puts him at ease
kisses? hell yes.
if you had to go to a match without him he would send you off with a ton of gross wet kisses on your face ew
He might even try to seduce you into staying
“norton I’m gonna lose morality points!” “fuck your morality points, i wanna smash”
Fiona Gilman
I feel like fiona would probably super psyched when she heard about sharing rooms with you
I headcanon her to be super bubbly and social but when she is alone with her thoughts she’d probably regret everything 
“why did i say that why did i say that why did i say that-”
probably prays to god, “please kill me”
she tries her best to make sure you’re comfortable
she doesnt make a big mess and she makes sure she cleans up after herself, overall a pretty cool roommate
except for those times for when she tries to babtize you while you’re showering-
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING” “THE LORD SHALL CLEANSE YOUR SOUL WITH HOLY WATER-” “what the f- iS THIS ALCOHOL???”
this has happened too many times^^^
one time she accidentally created an ultra portal in the toilet. 
Y’all still have no idea where it leads, and no intent of finding out. 
Although, Kreacher has been complaining of some nasty stuff appearing in his room
i feel like during matches she would always call you with her portals to say hi or just give you a small kiss
it stopped being cute when she went through the portal and ended up seeing the hunter instead of you
mentally scarred from that
sometimes things would disappear in your shared room too, not only the toilet
you’re convinced she has a bunch of hidden portals in the room
like, one time you dropped a pencil and it went through the ground.
you never saw it again
Or you know that missing sock?
Portaled.
i dont know what this turned into
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moon-light-jukebox · 5 years ago
Text
“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 6 - [Reid x Reader]
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previous chapter // series index // next chapter
Summary: After a long stretch of crimefighting, Reader and Spencer finally get a chance to spend some time together. Reader is ready to give Dr. Reid the proper introduction to female domination and BDSM he asked for.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x (Female) Reader
Category: 85% Smut, 10% Fluff, 5% Angst.
Word Count: 7.9k for Chapter 6
Content Warnings: BDSM, Femdom, thigh riding, pegging, orgasm denial, spitting, slapping, bondage, sub drop, aftercare, brief mention of menstruation (just in case that needs a warning). This chapter is filthy, y’all. 
A/n: Before we begin, I wanted to give a small warning. When I started this story, I wanted to give an honest portrayal of BDSM/Femdom. The before, during, and after are equally important. Sub/Dom drop is a very real and emotional thing. But don’t worry, Reader is always there for our nervous boy.
y/n = your name. y/l/n = your last name. Italicized text is Reader’s thoughts.
-- Chapter 6 – “Dirty thing” --
Things started to move so fast after Illinois. We arrived home late Sunday night only to be called back out on Monday morning to assist the Tucson Police with a child abduction. We were finishing up the paperwork when the call came in from Florida about a series of car-jackings that weren’t really car-jackings.
It had been more than 2 weeks since that night in the hotel room, and all I had since then were just moments with my Dr. Reid. He sat next to me on the plane sometimes, his hand resting on my thigh when he was certain no one could see. He had placed a kiss on the back of my neck while we were standing in the conference room in Florida. I was surviving on these stolen moments.
Spencer seemed to be happy with our first BDSM experience together, which was a relief to me. I had never had a submissive that was inexperienced before. I felt a great deal of pressure where he was concerned; I knew the toll one bad partner could have on a person.
Some nights Spencer would call me from his hotel room. I would give him instructions on how I wanted him to touch himself; listening to his desperation grow every time he brought himself to the edge and I pulled him back. We experimented a bit with degradation. Learning the complexities of Spencer Reid was quickly becoming one of my favorite pastimes.
After Florida we made a brief stop in Alabama; Hotch informed us that we were only spending one night here and that we would be departing at 7:30 am the following morning. Our unit chief also swore that we were going to have the weekend off; no interruptions. I’ll believe it when I see it, was all I could think. Glancing around to the rest of the team, I could see they agreed with me.
We all had separate rooms that night, thankfully. If I had to listen to Emily snore for one more night, I might lose my mind. I wasn’t sure how JJ did it. Coming into my room, I kicked my shoes off and headed for the bed. I pulled my phone out of my bag before I very unceremoniously flopped down on the bed. The pace of the last 2 weeks was starting to wear on me.
I brought up my text messages when there was a hesitant knock on my door. It was just past 8 pm; it was risky, but I knew it had to be Spencer. I hurried towards the door, throwing it open to reveal his sheepish face. Wasting no time, I grabbed him by his shirt and dragged him into the room.
“What are you doing?” I hissed. “Someone could have seen you.”
"I'm not allowed to go to my friend's room to hang out?"
He has a point. “Well, you never know! It’s better to be safe.”
His full lips turned down into a pout. “I just wanted to spend some time with you. I missed you, y/n.” Is my heart fluttering like that a sign of a medical problem? I wondered. “And not just the…stuff we do. I just…I just missed being with you.”
How could I stay mad at that? “I missed you too, baby.” I took his hand in mine, guiding him over to the bed. He propped up on the pillows beside me, both hands coming up to loosen his tie.
“Can I ask you a question?”
I snorted a bit. “Yeah, Doc, I think you can ask me anything you want at this point.”
“Well,” his cheeks were starting to turn pink. “We’ve been…” I wonder what he’s gonna call it. “…serious”Hmm, that’s fair. “for almost 4 weeks now, 27 days and 14 hours, give or take, depending on when you wanted to say this started.”
“Get to the point, darling.”
“Right,” he muttered. “Well, we’re supposed to have this weekend off. And I don’t have any plans.” He dropped his eyes to his hands which were twisting nervously. “I understand if you have plans, of course. Or you’re just not in the mood. Statistically speaking, given the time we’ve spent together,” your likely to have your period soon-“
“Woah,” I interrupted. “Let’s pump those breaks, Doc.” Spencer looked horrified that he had rambled on so much and equally relieved that I had stopped him. “First of all, I have an IUD. I don’t get my period very often.” I can’t believe he’s talking about my period. “And second, the only plans I have this weekend involve grocery shopping and laundry.”
“Oh,” he said quietly. “Me too.”
I pulled my lips together between my teeth to try and suppress my smile. “Are you asking about my weekend plans because you’re interested in being a part of them? Or just out of curiosity?” Come on, Doc. All you have to do is ask me.
“I was-I was wondering if you wanted to spend some time together this weekend? If you’re not busy.”
My sweet, sweet boy. I stretched my body up, bringing my lips to his. I brushed my mouth over his in a very sweet and unhurried kiss. “No, Doc. I’m not busy.” I felt his lips smile against my own. “And maybe we can try some new things if you’re interested.”
“I’m more than interested in everything related to you,” he breathed against my lips.
--
It was decided that Spencer would come to my apartment Saturday in the early evening. I left the exact time up to him, in case he had anything he needed to do on this rare weekend off.
It was around 2 pm when my phone chimed with a text message from him.
“What time is okay for me to come over?”
I laughed out loud; I should have expected this. “Whenever you want, Doc.”
His response was immediate, which was also rare. “Can I come over now?”
“Sure, Doc. But I want you to bring something with you.”
--
I pulled open the door a short time later to find a very nervous looking Spencer Reid. Even out of work, he was still dressed the same as always. He had dark slacks on, a navy shirt, and a cardigan, he had forgone the tie today, and he was clutching the strap of his messenger bag for dear life.
“Hi, Doc,” I greeted him with a huge smile before waving him in. I saw him taking inventory of my apartment. From the art on the walls to the rug on the floor to the books on the bookshelf. "You need a bigger bookshelf," he said at last.
He wasn’t wrong. “I suppose I do. But not all of us can have a whole wall as a bookshelf, Doc.” I put my hand on his arm, pulling him into my living room, then down onto my couch. His entire body was tense, his eyes moving around nervously. I leaned closer, putting my hand on the side of his face, drawing his gaze to meet mine.
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” I reminded him.
“I want to do this. I do.” He swallowed nervously, flexing his fingers. “I just…I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s going to happen. And I don’t want to mess up. And I’m so nervous that I’ll do something wrong.”
I leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Hey, hey. Take a breath. I’m serious. Take a deep breath.”
He rolled his eyes but complied.
“Spencer, I don’t expect you to just come in here and jump into a world that you’ve never been a part of before. I’m nervous too.”
That had his eyes widening. “You are? But why? You know what you’re doing.”
It doesn’t feel like I do. “Every person is different, Spencer, and I haven’t cared about a submissive the way I care about you in a long time.” My boy smiled at that. “Before we do anything, we’re going to let you get comfortable. I’m not going to do anything that we haven’t already discussed. If you feel uncomfortable, say “yellow” and I will pull back. If you don’t want to do anything more, say “red” and we will stop right then.”
He bit his full bottom lip, his eyes widening as he continued to meet my gaze. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Just when I think my heart can’t possibly handle another crack in it. I cupped his jaw in both of my hands. “You could never disappoint me, Spencer. Never.” I said the words with 100% sincerity and honesty. It was true. “Even if you decide this isn’t what you want and you walk out right now, I’ll never be disappointed.” If he left right now I would feel a lot of things, but disappointment in him wouldn’t be one of them.
“Okay,” he breathed. “Can…Can I kiss you now? I don’t know-“
I leaned closer, my lips hovering millimeters from his own. “Yes,” I whispered. “You can kiss me.”
His lips were tender as they brushed mine. It was like nothing we had done previously mattered, my nervous boy was still so afraid, but still so desperate and so curious.
I pulled back right as his tongue flicked over the seam of my mouth, resting my forehead against his. “Let’s not get carried away,” I chuckled. “I still need to talk to you.”
Spencer sat back, his hands folded on his lap, looking at me expectantly.
Forever the eager student. "The scene begins when I send you into the bedroom alone. It ends when you cum. That can always change if you decide you want it to stop." He needed to know that. “Since this is your first experience, I want you to be prepared for some pretty intense emotions once we’re done, I promise I’ll be right here with you to get you through anything, should you feel it.” My boy’s eyes were wide, but he nodded. Still so trusting. “I’ll be using toys on you this time. I ordered them a few weeks ago and they’ve all been sterilized.”
His brow quirked at that. “You had to buy them?”
It was impossible to contain my laugh. “I didn’t think you’d be okay with toys that had been used on other people, no matter how well I sterilized them.”
The horrified expression on his face did nothing to help me suppress my laughter.
“Anyway,” I went on, still attempting to get myself under control. “I have various sizes for different things. I assume you’ve never done any sort of anal play on your own?”
There’s that blush. “No, y/n, I haven’t. Does that matter?”
“No, sweet boy, not in the way you think. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable. So, we will start with smaller sizes. If you decide you like it, we’ll work up to bigger ones. Or if you like the small ones, we can stick with those.”
He was shifting his hips unconsciously. “You’d be okay with that?”
Moving quickly, I lifted my leg over both of his, my hands pushing his shoulders to the back of the couch, my heat settling over his cock. He’s already a little hard, I thought with a smirk. I leaned forward, my mouth finding the softness of his neck, my lips skimming down to his pulse point before placing a soft kiss there.
Spencer groaned softly, his hands resting on my hips. He knew our scene hadn’t started yet, which made him bolder with his touch.
Kissing my way up to his ear, I took the lobe between my teeth, tugging softly, before I spoke. "I just want to fuck you, Dr. Reid. I don't care what size cock I fuck you with." I don't know if he shivered at the feeling of my breath against him or at my words. Hopefully both. I placed one last kiss on his neck before I moved off of him.
His bewildered expression amused me greatly. “But, before any of that, did you bring what I asked?”
It took my brilliant boy a second to remember what I was talking about. He reached for the messenger bag beside him. “Yes,” he muttered, opening the bag to pull out several books. “But I wasn’t sure what sort of book you wanted me to bring. So, I brought a few different options.” He set 4 books down on my coffee table. “What are they for?”
“You’re going to read to me,” I said, not attempting to hide my smile.
"…I am?" At my nod, he said, "Oh..okay. Do you want to do that now?”
“Don’t look so disappointed, baby.” I held out my hand to him. “Come with me.”
Curious as ever, my boy followed me into my bedroom, his eyes scanning over the bed, resting on the small chest that sat at the end of it.  
“…Are we…” he trailed off.
"Sort of. I wanted to try something first before we officially start.” I turned to him, my fingers moving slowly up his chest until I reached his collar. “It will help me get you ready for later. Is that okay?” Still so nervous. Spencer nodded quickly; his pupils were already beginning to dilate. I rose up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his pouty mouth.  "We're not really in a scene right now. I know that can be confusing, and it's not something I would normally do, but you've never done this, so I thought it would be best." I pressed another kiss to his jaw.  "You can touch me, just not under my clothes yet. Alright, baby?"
He mumbled his response while I pulled him forward until the back of my knees hit the bed, bringing him tumbling down with me. His hands tangled in my hair when my mouth found his. I didn’t pull away this time when his tongue flicked over my lips. I let him in with a soft sigh, moving my hands to tug on his soft, messy curls. I shifted until my pelvis was aligned with his, beginning to rock slowly.
This whole exercise was a bit of a tease, but I needed for him to be aroused for what I had planned. The more aroused he was the better.
I tugged his shirt out of the waistband of his pants, running my hands underneath the fabric. "Hey," he whispered, pulling back to smile at me. I ignored the way my heart fluttered at his tone. “You said not under the clothes.”
Smiling back at him, I hooked my leg around his hips, pulling him down further. I used that momentum to flip him onto his back while I straddled him. He looks so surprised, I thought smugly. He knows I help teach seminars on defensive tactics.  
“Wrong again, Dr. Reid,” I murmured, my lips moving down his cheek to his jaw, to his ear. “I said you couldn’t put your hands under my clothes, baby,” I whispered against his ear. “I can do whatever the fuck I want to you.” I brought my hand up to wrap around his throat, applying a small amount of pressure to each side. I pressed my still covered pussy against the bulge in his pants. “Isn’t that right, baby?”
Spencer didn’t even wait until the words were out of my mouth before he started to whimper. I lifted my body until I was sitting up then I brought my hands to his belt. My fingers were unzipping his fly before I spoke again. “I asked you a question, Dr. Reid. Or does that memory of yours stop working when you become a whimpering, needy little mess?” My words were harsher than they had ever been with him before; he’d really enjoyed the degradation we had done so far and said he was open to pushing it a bit further. Ask and you shall receive, baby.
I moved off of him then, rising to my feet at the side of the bed. First, I slid his shoes off. Then I reached up to pull his pants down. Then my thumbs hooked in the waistband of his underwear. I let out an exaggerated sigh as I climbed back on top of his body. My lower body was still completely covered but he was bare from the waist down.
He wasn’t prepared for when my right hand shot out and grabbed his face. My thumb digging into the left side of his face. “That’s twice you’ve not answered me, Dr. Reid.” I lifted my hand from his face and quickly brought it back down quickly. Not as hard as I had the last time we were together like this. Not yet.
“I’m sorry, Miss,” he whimpered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Are you?” I moved my hand down to grip his hard cock in my hand, squeezing him, enjoying the way his eyes fluttered at the action. “I don’t know if I believe that, Dr. Reid.” My hand was pumping him steadily now. “I think you need to apologize a bit better than that.”
His eyes shot open and he subconsciously licked his lips, causing me to chuckle and still my hands movements. “Oh no, you can’t have that. You haven’t earned that, my nervous boy. Look at you. Look how much your cock is leaking precum already.” I brought my hands up unbutton his shirt. “You’re just a needy thing, aren’t you? It’s almost pathetic.”
Spencer was shifting his hips again, trying to get some sort of friction. “I’m sorry, Miss.”
Once his shirt was unbuttoned, I brought my hands up to his throat, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose. “I know.” I lifted up, raking my nails down his pale chest. “Which is why you’ll be my good boy now, won’t you?”
He nodded quickly, his eyebrows coming together when I moved off of him. I knelt in front of the trunk at the end of my bed. He propped himself up on his elbows as I opened the chest and pulled two items out before I moved back over towards him.
“Move up the bed, lay in the center.”
Crawling back onto the bed, I hovered above him, before I began to move down his body. I kept eye contact with him the entire time. It’s okay, baby. I would never hurt you. “Do you know what this is, Spencer?”
I think hearing his name surprised him; he forgot that we weren’t technically in a scene yet. I had only acted this way because I wanted to bump his simmering arousal up to a flaming inferno. I knew my boy would become more nervous if he wasn’t a whimpering, desperate mess. He nodded.
I pushed his legs up until his knees were bent, then I kissed up his right thigh, moving towards his cock. “I want you to be ready for when I fuck you.” I offered in way of explanation right before I moved to run my tongue up the underside of his cock.
Spencer threw his head back, tossing it against my pillows. I wrapped my fingers around the base of his cock while I moved him into my mouth. I didn't suck as hard as I normally did, instead of letting saliva slip from my mouth to coat him. After a few moments, I pulled off.
"I want you to touch your cock, Spencer," I said, uncapping the lube. "You're not allowed to cum. Remember that when you touch yourself. If you get so close that it's painful to stop, you have no one to blame but yourself. And if you cum, I will punish you."
His Adam's apple bobbed, his eyes moving from the butt plug to my hands then back to his cock. He wrapped his long fingers around it while I coated the plug with lube. Eyes fixed firmly on my hands; he started a slow rhythm. What a good boy.
I stroked his thighs as I moved the plug into position against his ass. His face was flushed with a mix of arousal and embarrassment, I think. I just smirked at him. “Don’t get shy with me now, baby,” I said as I slowly began to push inside of him. “I’m going to have you begging me to fuck your tight little ass before the day is over.” He whimpered, his hand speeding up slightly. “You do know that, don’t you, Spencer? I’m going to make you such a little slut for me.” The plug went in further, with almost no real resistance from him. “Jesus, it looks like you’re already a fucking slut.” His whimpers and groans were coming faster now. “Look at how you’re taking this plug,” I started to fuck it into him slowly. “I knew you were dirty, Dr. Reid. But I didn’t expect this.”
With one final small push, it was seated inside him. I reached to grab his hand, pulling it off of his cock. His lip was between his teeth, his forehead dotted with sweat. "You did so well, Spencer," I praised him. "You're more needy than I thought. I think I might make you bounce on my cock later." I moved off of the bed, reaching down to pick up his underwear before I tossed them to him. "I thought it would take some time to get you to ride me, but you're such a little slut, I'm sure you'll be begging for it soon."
He looked so confused, his fingers picking up his underwear. “Wha-“ he panted, his hips moving against my bed, already starting to be overwhelmed by the sensation.
“Put on your underwear, Dr. Reid; leave your shirt unbuttoned. Then come back into the living room.” I gave him a wide smile. “You still have to read to me.”
--
I sat on the couch, flipping through the books Spencer had brought, waiting for him to emerge from my bedroom. He really had done so much better than I expected. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I was going to have him bounce on my cock. The thought of him moving over me, his head thrown back while I pumped his cock caused heat to pool between my thighs.
My eyes didn’t raise to look at him when he walked into the room. He sat to the left of me, where he had been before. His cock was still hard, his precum was leaving a damp spot on his underwear. “Which book do you want to read me, Dr. Reid?”
He groaned. “I-I don’t know if I can finish the whole book like this,” he mumbled, flushing a deeper red that went down to his neck.
“You don’t have to finish, darling boy.” I rose up from the couch then, undoing my pants before shimming them down my hips. “You just have to read to me until I cum.”
Spencer’s eyes went wide. Flickering from the books then back to where I was removing my shirt. I wasn’t paying attention to what book he picked; ultimately, it didn’t matter, I’m not sure I would be able to pay enough attention during this to even process what he was reading.
I stood before him in my bra and panties. He brought the thick book up to his chest, never so much as blinking while I moved over him. I put my thighs on either of his right thigh before I sat down, pushing the seam of my pussy against him through my underwear. I gripped his shoulders, moving my mouth to the tender area where his shoulder met his neck. Placing a soft kiss there, I moved my right hand down his chest, skimming over his stomach, then applying a teasing pressure to his cock over his underwear.
“Come on, Dr. Reid. You told me you’d read to me.”
His first few words were sure. I was almost positive this was one of the many books he had memorized, meaning he wouldn’t need to rely on the book itself to keep reading. This was probably good, as at the first rock of my pussy against his thigh, he released a soft groan, interrupting his words.
Smirking, I moved my hips more purposefully against him. My hands came up to grip his hair, pulling harshly. His moan once again made his words falter. “What’s wrong Dr. Reid,” I whispered sweetly against his skin. “Can you not focus on your book?”
“It’s…It’s so hard, y/n.”
I licked the vein running up his neck before I sucked on the skin. “I can feel just how hard it is, Dr. Reid.” I moved my mouth up to his ear again. “Take my bra off.” I expected him to fumble with this task, but he put his right hand behind my back and removed my bra in seconds. You’ve been holding out on me, Doc. Leaning back, I moved my hands to my own breasts, thumbing my nipples as I listened to Spencer read his book, his words barely registering in my mind.
“You don’t need both hands to read, do you?” He shook his head, his worlds never faltering from the story. “Good. I know how hard it is for you to sit here with that plug inside you. I know you’re thinking about how it will feel when I fuck you.” There’s that whimper, I thought. “I’m thinking about it too, Spencer.” My hips began to grind against him faster. “Put the book down but keep reading to me. If you stop your words, I’ll stop moving. The sooner I cum, the sooner you can get back into my bed.”
He placed the book down; his words a whisper now as he recited the book. “Touch me, Spencer. Make me cum like a good boy so I can finally fuck you like the little slut you are.” His hands gripped my hips, guiding my movements against his thigh, his mouth against my neck while he continued mumbling words I could barely hear against my skin.
"I've thought about fucking you before, you know," I said, my pussy becoming wetter and wetter against him. "The first time was on the jet. You had some book open in your lap. You were stretched out on the couch." I groaned as Spencer moved my hips faster and faster. "I thought about the look on your face if I just came over to you and sat on your lap." I moved to kiss his neck again. "I wonder what they would have said then." Dropping my hand down to palm his hot, hard cock over his underwear. "What would they have said if they saw Dr. Spencer Reid's big, pretty boy cock sliding down my throat?"
He was groaning now in between words, but the words were yet to totally falter. “I guess that would be better than them seeing you get fucked, right?” One of his hands moved up to my breast to pinch my nipple. “What would they think if they knew that their boy wonder, their resident genius, wanted to get his ass fucked and treated like a dirty little thing?”
I was so, so close. “Come on, Agent Reid. Make me cum. Make me cum all over your thigh so I can make you cum so hard you see stars.”
His words faltered then; his mouth moved to my shoulder, kissing it softly before he said, “I’d let the entire world watch anything if it meant I got to fuck you.” With that, he bit down on my skin. That small amount of pain caused my orgasm to break like a wave against me. Spencer kept moving my hips back and forth to help me ride it out.
The world came back into focus slowly, my breathing still harsh against Spencer’s shoulder. Gripping his shoulders, I pulled back to kiss him softly. He tried to turn the kiss into something deeper, his need making him desperate. I pulled back, looking in his eyes. “When you go into the room we really begin,” I whispered. “Green, yellow, and red. I need you to know I’m so proud of you, darling boy, even if we just end here. You’ve done so well.”
He whimpered again, confirming once again that he had a praise kink. “I want more, Miss. Please?”
I moved off of his body to sit back on the couch, picking up the book he had set down. “Go into the bedroom, take off all of your clothes. Lay in the center of the bed, hands by your sides. Do not touch yourself. If you do, I will punish you.”
--
When I finally made my way into the room a minute later, I found Spencer right where I instructed him to be. His cock was still hard; he was breathing rapidly. I stood at the edge of the bed, slowly slipping my panties off before I knelt down to open the chest again.
I had given this first scene a lot of thought. One day, I wanted to restrain him with my handcuffs when I fucked him. I could just imagine how he'd blush whenever he saw them after that. But, for this I had decided to use arm restraints that attached to the bars on my headboard, wrapping around his wrist with a Velcro cuff; he could open them if he needed to. I moved up on his left side, fastening one restraint to the bed, then walking to the right side, doing the same. His eyes were on my face, so expectant and so trusting.
I crawled on to the bed then, sitting myself on his firm stomach, my wet heat touching his skin. I leaned over to grip one cuff before I said, "Give me your hand, Dr. Reid." He complied without complaint or hesitation, then he did it again with his left wrist. I scooted my body down his until I felt his pubic bone brush against my still sensitive pussy. His breath hitched. "What's wrong, Dr. Reid?" I asked as I moved further down, my ass now resting over his cock.
“I-I can feel you. You-you’re so close.” His hands started to pull against the restraints, itching to reach out and touch me, push me back even further so his cock would finally touch the paradise that was my wet cunt.
I tsked at him, pouting my lips. “I know, darling boy. It must be so hard.” I moved my hands to his chest, bracing myself on one hand while the other reached up to wrap around his throat. “It’s so hard to so fucking needy, isn’t it, baby?” I moved back another inch.
He was whining under me now, shifting his hips relentlessly. Leaning forward, I placed my lips centimeters away from his own, my grip on his throat tightening just a bit. “It wouldn’t take much, Dr. Reid.” I brushed my mouth against his, laughing when I heard the restraints jerking against the headboard bars. “You know I won’t let you fuck me…but all it would take is just a shift of my hips.” I rocked back a bit, bringing my pussy right there, before drawing back up. “What would you give me for that, Dr. Reid? What would you do to feel my hot, wet, tight, little pussy rub against your pretty boy cock?”
“Anything,” his voice was so much higher than normal when he spoke. “I’ll do anything, Miss. Please. Please.”
You’re so good at this, baby. “You sound very pretty when you beg, Dr. Reid.” I placed one more chaste kiss on his top lip before I went back to a sitting position. Bracing my hands on his hips, I lifted my pelvis over his groin to settle on the tops of his thighs. His strangled groan was music to my ears. “You have been such a good boy…” I pretended to ponder this. “Tell you what, if you promise to ride my cock, to swirl your hips while you fuck yourself on top of me, I’ll let you feel me.”
He was nodding desperately, still pulling against the arm restraints. “Yes. Please. Please, Miss. I’ll do whatever you want.”
I moved his cock to lay flat against his pubic bone, the head pointing upwards towards his face. “I want you to watch, Dr. Reid.” I could feel myself dripping when I moved forward. Slowly, slowly, slowly, I placed the lips of my cunt around the width of his cock.
“Fuck." Spencer's eyes were glued to where my pussy was finally touching his cock. "You're so…fuck, you feel so good, Miss.”
This was the first time I had felt a man against me like this in longer than I wanted to admit. I should be scared, but I just couldn't be. It felt so right to be against him right now. I started moving my hips forwards and backward, much like I did when I rode his thigh. I looked down, watching his cock disappear as I slide my pussy over him. This wasn’t even sex in the way most people considered it, but being here, sharing this moment with Spencer was one of the most erotic and intimate moments of my life.
With one finally slide of my hips, I lifted off of him, getting off the bed completely.
“No, no, no, Miss, please come back.”
I looked back at him over my shoulder. His cock was wet with my arousal, his neck was flushed a bright red, his messy curls were sticking to his forehead, and his wrists were still pulling against the restraints. He is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
“My, my, Dr. Reid.” I moved back to the chest, reaching down to pull out my harness. “You might be the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen. Look at you,” I shot him a look of fake disapproval while I stepped into the harness, bringing it up to secure it around my hips. I had selected this strap-on for the specific reason that I could change the size of the dildo attached to it. So, for today I could use something smaller on my boy…until he was ready for something rougher, or bigger. Originally, I had planned on selecting the smallest dildo, but after seeing how easily he took the plug, I decided to move to the next size up.
Spencer watched with wide eyes while I pulled out my “cock”. I smirked at him. “Do you like it, Dr. Reid?” I slid the dildo into place, clip it into place. I moved closer to him, crawling up the bed, sitting on his right side. I brushed my fingers over his chest, feeling his racing heartbeat. Moving so quickly he didn’t have a chance to brace, I struck quickly, whipping my left hand up to backhand across the cheek. Rising up on my knees, I moved closer to him, gripping a handful of his hair with one hand, my other bracing myself on the headboard. “I am getting really fucking tired of not having my questions answered, Dr. Reid.”
He was positively squirming now, his pupils were huge, his mouth hanging open. “I’m sorry Miss, I’m so sorry. I can’t- I can’t think when you’re around me.” I had to fight very hard to stop my lips from spreading into a smile, but I think he saw my lips twitch anyway.
“Brat,” I muttered, yanking on his hair again, causing him to let out another whimper. “I think you need to apologize, Dr. Reid. You want to be my good boy, don’t you?” I tilted my head to the side, regarding him curiously. “Because, if you’re my good boy, I’ll let you cum. But…if you’re not,” I leaned down to whisper to him. “Well, bad boys get their pretty little asses fucked, but they don’t get to cum.”
“I’m sorry Miss,” he whined out. “I’m so sorry. Please let me apologize.”
“Open your mouth.” He did so without question, his arms pulling on the restraints harder when I spit into his mouth. “Swallow it.” Such a good boy. “Now, I want you to suck my cock, Dr. Reid. Can you do that? Suck my cock and get it nice and wet before I fuck you with it.”
His eyes were on my face; I could see just the smallest flicker of nervousness in those pretty golden-brown eyes. I’d never hurt you, baby. You know that. Almost as if he heard my thoughts, he opened his mouth for me. Releasing his hair, I brought my hand to the dildo, guiding it into his mouth. “That’s it, you’re doing so good, Dr. Reid.” I gave a few very shallow thrusts of my hips, watching his eyes flutter while his cheeks hollowed out. “I knew the first time you sucked my fingers that day on your couch that you’d be so good at sucking cock.” I moved my hand from the dildo to place it lightly against his throat. “You’re nothing but a cock slut though, right, Dr. Reid?” He moaned around me; I squeezed his throat in response.
Pulling out of his mouth, I smiled down at him while I moved further away. I placed a soft kiss on his cheek before I moved down the bed. “You know why I left your legs free, don’t you Dr. Reid?”
“I’m not sure Miss.” His response was breathy and immediate. You’re learning, my nervous boy.
“Oh, the great Dr. Reid isn’t sure? That must be first. I guess it’s probably hard for your big brain to work when all the blood is going to your cock.” I grabbed the lube from the side of the bed to place it beside his thigh. I pushed his legs up roughly, so his knees were bent again. “I left your legs free, Dr. Reid, so it’s easier to make you take my cock.”
I brought my right hand up to his cock, my grip not firm enough to be satisfying, but I wanted him to focus on that sensation, especially now. In reality, it probably didn’t matter, my boy looked too far gone to be embarrassed anymore. With my left, I grabbed the base of the butt plug, slowly pulling it out.
His breath caught in his throat, his top teeth digging into his bottom lip so hard it whitened. “What’s wrong, baby?” My tone was condescending as I worked the plug out a bit, before I pushed it back in a bit, fucking it out of him gently, much like how I fucked it into him. “What do you need, Dr. Reid?”
He knew what I wanted, I had told him multiple times, but will my boy be brave enough to give it to me. I pulled the plug out completely, tossing it to the side before I grabbed the lube. I squirted some into my right hand before I started to slick up the dildo, my eyes never leaving his.
“I-I want you to fuck me, Miss.”
“Hmm,” I acknowledged, my hands still moving up and down my ‘cock.’ “I’m not sure what you mean, darling boy. You’ll have to be a bit more specific.”
Spencer’s head thrashed, his thighs clenched, his stomach muscles tensed. “I need you to fuck my ass, Miss…Please. Please fuck my ass, Miss.”
My hand stilled. Goddamnit. Hearing those words out of him made my pussy clench, my own wetness starting to drip down my thighs. "All you have to do is ask, Dr. Reid.”
I moved into position between his thighs, bringing both of my hands up to grip his slim hips. Scooting forward, I lifted him up a bit until my knees were barely under him, just enough to tilt his pelvis up so I could see him. I ran one of my hands up his inner thigh. “You’re even pretty here, Dr. Reid.” I lifted my hips slightly, pressing the dildo against his asshole. “Hold still, baby. I know you’re so needy and that makes it so hard, but you can hold still for me, can’t you?”
He nodded rapidly, his hands fisted into balls, his wrists tugging against the restraints, his teeth still sunk into his lower lip. Usually, I would demand his words, but I understood how overwhelming this was for him. Free pass, my nervous boy. I slowly started to push inside of him. My gaze kept flicking between my ‘cock’ entering him and his face, watching for any reaction, any sign of hesitancy.  
“Please,” he whimpered.
I started making slow strokes, fucking the dildo into him in shallow, small thrusts. When I had about 4 inches inside of him, I put some more lube on my hand. I stroked some of it on the remaining 3 inches of the dildo, making sure I could bottom out inside him. The remaining lube I left on my hand…the same hand I brought up to grab his cock with.
“FUCK.” Spencer’s shoulders were raising off of the bed, his eyes locked on my movements.
“Does it feel good, Dr. Reid?”
"Green, green, green, fucking green," he muttered. Under normal circumstances, I would have laughed, but right now I just pitched my hips forward, burying the dildo inside of him. He let out a strangled moan that sounded like my name when my thighs hit his body.
"Look at that," I said softly. "Look at what a good little slut you are, Dr. Reid?" I started to thrust slowly, looking at his reactions to see which strokes seemed to have the biggest effect on him. Being a profiler comes in handy at the strangest times. “You’re such a pretty cock slut, baby.” The tempo of my thrusts sped up while I looked down to watch the dildo move in and out of his tight entrance.
“Miss, fuck,” he whimpered. “Miss, please fuck me harder.”
I moved my hips faster, watching as his mouth opened in a silent scream. I gripped his cock firmer in my hand. Building up a rhythm between jerking him off and fucking him. “Is this what you want, Dr. Reid? You want to be used like this? Like a filthy slut?”
“Yes, yes, Miss, please.” His eyes were fixed on my hand on his cock, on my hips moving quickly. “Miss, Miss, you’re so- Miss, I’m going to cum.”
“Oh, you are, are you?” I teased, slowing my hand slightly. My thighs still slapping against him as I fucked him.
“Please Miss,” he begged. “Please let me cum. Please, I’ll do anything. Please, please, I’m so fucking close.”
I gripped his cock harder, my pace never slowing. “Come on, Dr. Reid. Cum for me like the dirty thing you are.”
At my words, he let out the loudest moan I’d heard him make yet. His back was arching off the bed, as rope after rope of cum erupted from his cock. I slowed my pace, only giving a few shallow thrusts to work him through his orgasm.
Right as his orgasm started to end, I slowly withdrew the portion of the dildo that was still inside him.
I leaned over him to quickly undo the cuffs, freeing him. Moving off the bed, I unstrapped myself, letting the harness fall to the floor before I dashed into the bathroom connected to my room. Wetting the washcloth, I had already laid out, I grabbed my other supplies and hurried back into the room. Spencer was where I left him, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, unseeing.
I moved to sit between his legs. First, I wiped the cum and lube off his cock, murmuring my praises the entire time before I cleaned up the remaining lube from between his cheeks. Tossing the rag into the floor, I moved to kneel beside him on the bed. "Spencer," I whispered. "Spencer, you did so well. You were so wonderful."
His gaze fixed on mine, his eyes starting to fill with tears, his face a mask of confusion. “Y/n,” he said, his voice raspy. “Why-why-“
I pushed his hair off his forehead, bringing his arms in towards his body to check his wrists. “It’s okay, Spencer. It is fine. Your adrenaline and endorphins are hitting your body right now. This is what I was talking about that might happen. It’s called sub drop.” I cupped his jaw, my thumb brushing over his lips. “I’m right here, Spencer. I’m right here. And I’m so proud of you.”
I wanted to wait until he asked me to touch him, to be sure that was what he needed, but I just acted on instinct. I laid down beside of him and wrapped my arms around him. He turned his body to face mine, his knees curled up to hit my thighs. I stroked my hands over his back, murmuring softly to him the whole time.
After a few minutes had passed, and his breathing had evened out, I spoke again. “Spence? Do you think you can take a shower? The heat will make you feel better.”
He sniffled, his eyes never rising to meet mine. “I…I don’t know if I can leave you.”
In that moment, the tiny part of my heart that didn’t already belong to Spencer Reid, this marvelous, wonderful man, was cemented into his grasp. “Spencer, I need you to look at me, can you do that?”
His soft eyes finally rose to meet mine. They were wide and anxious and swimming with a much bigger and more frightening emotion. “Spencer, I’m not going to leave you. I’m going to take a shower with you. Then after we get cleaned up, we’re going to order some food and watch whatever you want to while we sit on my couch.” My words were hurried and dripping with honesty.
My darling boy’s face lite up with hope so bright it threatened to consume me. “You’ll stay with me?”
“You don’t even have to ask, Spence.” I pressed a kiss to his forehead.
--
The remainder of our Saturday went like I had planned. In our shower, I held his body under the warm water, I washed his hair, and I listened while he told me whatever fact came to his mind in that moment. After we were done, I got his messenger bag and brought him his clothes.  
Together, we cuddled on my couch. Him in his old Caltech t-shirt and sweatpants and me in loose t-shirt and leggings. We found some sci-fi show that he said was good that I had never seen to watch while we ate our takeout. I listened to everything he told me about the show, holding his body close to mine.
I felt the tension rise up inside of him the later it got. Which is why I turned to him with an over-exaggerated yawn and asked him the question he was too afraid to ask me.
“Hey, Doc?” I said softly. “It’s getting pretty late…and after…after everything we did today, I don’t really want to be alone. Would you mind staying with me?”
The relief I felt radiate off of him in that moment was so powerful I don’t know if I’ll ever forget the feeling. “Of course, y/n. I’d really like that.”
After I stripped and remade my bed and cleaned up any stray items that I may have missed earlier, I lead Spencer into my bedroom. I fell asleep that night with my arms wrapped around him, his back to my chest. I held my hand against his chest, feeling his heartbeat slow as he fell asleep in my arms. It took a long time for sleep to finally find me, but I didn’t mind. I was content to just feel the heart beating inside the chest of the best person I had ever known.
--
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lover-of-trash-and-people · 4 years ago
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shadow and bone rewatch s1e6 while drinking mid-range scotch
I wish I have a face that is as unlined and pretty as Ben Barnes' when I'm 39
Arken you dirty dirty liar
the face Alek is making at his lies that he knows are lies firstly because he knows the art of lying so well and also because he can read people very well
okay Ivan is kind of a bad bitch with his smirk at Arken's lies
alek's eyes narrowing and his little smile when Arken says 'im an entertainer' bitch I love this show
*grabs hand, pulls up sleeve, and discovers Arken's hand is full of marks indicating successful passages through the fold* 'well, that is certainly entertaining' I love this man with all my heart
him screaming is so fucking hot, is that weird for me to say
Nina being the Darkling's spy is quite interesting
Ben giving the Darkling crazy eyes when Arken owns up to his guilt is so cool
also wtf is Arken a fool trying to negotiate with possibly the strongest man in the world
kind of loved the darkness literally eating him
also love Alina learning to use her powers better when she is alone than when she is with anyone else, wish we got to see the cut in this season as per the books, ah can't have everything I guess
the camera pan to Jesper's gun at his side, amazing
god Jessie is literally so beautiful I need to see her bring Alina to the peak of her power so bad
netflix you better renew this series to let the plot run to its completion
HOW THE FUCK DID THEY CAST THE CROWS SO PERFECTLY
INEJ FUCKING TREMBLING JUST THE TINIEST BIT AS SHE BOWS SLIGHTLY TO ALINA SGSHSBSJJSJSSJ MY TWO QUEENS
'And where is my Summoner?' my little Darklina heart ouchie I really wish you hadn't used and manipulated her like this Alek it was incredibly fucked up especially considering you actually caught feelings
'Ivan and I won't fail you' oh Fedyor my baby, my angel, you don't deserve what is coming
Helnik literally recreating Titanic lmao stop this is a joke
I too would jump off the raft if I came to consciousness to see a gorgeous woman with magical powers with her hand on my back
omg but why is ryevost so pretty though
'I know exactly how she felt. The King's soldiers treated me the same way... I'm not myself today.' why must you do this to me, why must you fuel my darklina soulmates agenda idiocy
I don't quite think I have a problem with the Zoya Darkling relationship as much as I have a problem with the line they chose to reveal it to use with.
my drink's over and I don't know if I should have another, considering that it's 7 am
the tenderness with which he looks at Zoya and takes her hand and then when he says 'I shall relax when I have Alina' makes me believe more that the man that is reduced to tears time and again in front of Alina could in fact be the master manipulator I know him to be
god I can't wait for Zoya's character arc
'I speak six languages, it's part of my job' why is Nina literally the fucking coolest
Alina blinding the oprichniki was so hot, I can't wait to see more of her power and her ruthlessness
I know I've said it before but good god is Jessie Mei Li gorgeous
HER LITTLE SMILE AMONGST ALL THE PANIC AS SOON AS SHE SEES MAL, THE AUDACITY OF THIS SHOW TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY
THE SCORE COMING IN AT THE RIGHT MOMENT, THEIR HANDS MEETING, HER SMILE AGAIN DHDHSBSNSNSNSNAN IM IN PAIN
REALLY?! YOU'RE GONNA GO DIRECTLY FROM MALINA TO HELNIK WITH NO CONCERN FOR MY HEART?
I simply cannot get over Calahan's accent lmao it's really funny
'im not afraid of you' he says to the insanely gorgeous girl with magic
HIM HANGING HIS HEAD IN DEFEAT TO INDICATE NINA HAS MADE VALID POINTS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I CAN'T BREATHE
'You're just a man. Like all the others.' she says and then forgets her train of thought looking at him as he strips. god I love this
not sleeping all night and then scotch is not a good idea, I think
'I promise not to ravish you' 'I hate the way you talk' her hand on his chest, his hand gripping hers, my fucking heart feels like it's about to explode
good god these shooting locations and sets are so beautiful
Alina throwing the flask at Mal and Mal going 'OI!' I fucking can't, I guess I am a
simp for childhood friends to lovers, give me more of that banter and childhood friend energy, I am thriving
wow it literally seems like they took book! Mal sl*tshaming book! Alina and made show! Alina sl*tshame show! Mal, hmm, interesting
'They would have split us up!' MAL'S LITTLE SMILE AT THIS, and the 'You wrote me letters?' Mal's nod, the Malina yearning stare, the Malina hug, 'thank you for finding me' 'always. I'll always find you.' NO MALINA YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE MADE ME ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FERAL
I understand they had to split time between my ravkan babies and the crows and that is why there were several aspects that were sort of not reflected on enough but Alina's training at the Little Palace, Alina's cut, Mal's personality, a teensy bit of backstory for the crows, maybe one lockpicking scene from my boy Kaz
random note: we have far too many idols and paintings and pictures and whatnot of Hindu deities in our house apart from the specially designed temple (we are Hindus, so maybe it's not that weird but it's a little weird)
Kaz's cane is a literal star, it's so beautiful my heart wants to explode
'Why would Heleen get the Crow Club?' *literally fucking gets up and walks aways instead of answering the fucking question* I LITERALLY CAN'T BREATHE I'M LOSING MY MIND
'I know that voice' WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME FIGHT FOR PLATONIC SHIPS IN FANDOMS
'We won't starve' omg get you someone who packs food for you when you go on the run together hiding from your ex who wants to capture you and use your powers as a weapon against your consent
Mal looking surprised at her summoning sunlight, Alina looking cautiously at him waiting for him to disapprove or run for the hills in fear or smth like that, 'I'm sorry it took me this long to see you... But I see you now' my dumb little shipper trash heart ouch
they really said we're gonna feed you this part asian couple as the protagonists in this show in 2021 and guess what I'm eating it's really tasty I'm very satisfied as a south asian
NINA'S LITTLE SMILE WHEN MATTHIAS WAKES UP WITH HIS ARM AROUND HER
'I can feel how much you hate sleeping next to me' 👀👀👀 BITCH SAID IMMA SPILL THE TEA AND THEN SHE DID
it's 8 am and guess what I'm getting another drink my parents have c*vid and are in govt qu*r*ntine centres there is nobody to supervise or stop me
I too say 'Why do you have to say things like that?' to my pretty crush when she flirts with me
Nina smiling at Matthias bragging about his conservative ways is my aesthetic
'No, it's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall and yet, oh, there you stand.' MY FUCKING QUEEN
Matthias laughing uncontrollably at Nina saying something which isn't even that funny is a whole ass vibe
Kaz Brekker saying 'The Black General' ooh fuck yeah
YESSSS STEP OUT OF THAT CARRIAGE ALL SEXY BLACK GENERAL
isn't alcohol supposed to like kill germs? well, the amount in my system definitely will
I love my crows so much (always but this time particularly for setting that alarm in the stolen carriage)
ooh Polina recognising Inej by the knife yesss let's go writers
this Ivan Jesper showdown is all I needed from life and yet did not know about
Ivan taking off his cloak was, um, sexier than I wanted it to be
I just realised how thirsty I am going to sound in this post
'Has no one told you that keftas are Fabrikator-made and resistant to bullets, hmm?' 'Oh, I do love a challenge' LITERALLY EVERYTHING
im sorry to be pointing out flaws in a perfect show and adaptation but the line delivery on 'You robbed me of my brother, now I'll rob you of your life' from Polina was kind of weak
'You're a-' *gets knocked out with the back of a gun* LMAO we love the hints
got excited at the prospect of kaz v. zoya until I realised they will not be letting the opportunity of kaz v. darkling pass up
my goodness is Amita Suman a splendid actress
I AM NOT KIDDING WHEN I TELL YOU I SQUEALED WHEN I SAW DARKLES EMERGE OUT OF THE SHADOWS IN FRONT OF MY BABY BOY KAZ
THERE BEING ACTUAL FEAR OR ATLEAST DOUBT ON KAZ'S FACE, THE LITTLE BACK STEPS AS
THE DARKLING WALKS TOWARDS HIM, AAAAH I CAN'T
THE DARKLING STOPPING AT KAZ SAYING 'SHE FLED ON HER OWN' AND THE HINT OF TEARS THAT WE SEE IN HIS EYES
'IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR SHE WASN'T INTERESTED IN BEING A CAPTIVE ANYMORE' YOU TELL HIM, KING
*ACTUAL FUCKING TEARS IN THE DARKLING'S EYES AS THE SHADOWS APPROACH*
NOT ME YOWLING LIKE A HYENA THAT THIS CHILD OUTSMARTED THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN EXISTENCE WITH A FAKE MAGIC TRICK
'Are you sure you added enough cloves?' literally warranting a wide ass smile from my queen Alina making my entire fucking day
for some reason, no matter how much I push it from my mind, Ben Barnes dressed up as the Darkling, dancing to 'push it' keeps coming to mind, it's absolutely ridiculous
I got somehow distracted with interviews but good things came out of that as it gave my body the time for the booze to kick in
and I would just like to say that I love Leigh for all she has given me
Alina is so fucking compassionate, I have no much love for her. I can feel her guilt and her sorrow as Mal talks of Mikhail and Dubrov
don't particularly like how the stag plotline is woven in, could have been executed better
'You're afraid you might start to like me?' *flaps furs like a bird's wings in frustration*
'I DO like you' my fucking heart you idiots
the sexual tension is so palpable and the moment is so intimate I simply cannot
OMG SHE FUCKING FELL
that moment where you think he might let her fall despite having read the books and he doesn't and he tells her his name I- <3
YOU DARE TRANSITION FROM A HELNIK SCENE TO A KANEJ SCENE YOU REALLY HAVE NO MERCY FOR MY HEART HUH
people have talked about this endlessly but Freddie's little jaw tic after he says Inej because Inej is wounded and he can't physically bring himself to help her I fucking cannot
THE MUSIC PICKING UP AS KAZ LOOKS TO THE DARKLING'S CARRIAGE I CAN'T WITH THIS SHOW ANYMORE
and now for one of my favorite scenes in television and cinematic history, David Kostyk throwing a book at Jesper Fahey without even knowing who he is merely because he opens the door of his carriage and says hello to him before getting knocked out by Kaz Brekker while trying to run away
Immediately followed by another, the scene with David Kostyk raising his finger to put forward his point in front of the Darkling and the Darkling trying to let him know he doesn't have to before obliging is one of my favourite scenes in the world
also sir please stop being devastatingly attractive in your glorious appearance with your face and your black kefta and cloak because all that comes to mind is Ayesha Erotica's Emo Boy and I'm afraid that is terribly inappropriate.
'No, you look great.' *literally looks down from embarrassment or blushing* MALINA RIGHTS?
THE LOOK ON THE DARKLING'S FACE BEFORE HE SAYS 'NO ORDINARY TRACKER, NO ORDINARY GIRL' BITCH IM OUT OF BREATH
'ORPHANS OF KERAMZIN, REUNITED.' 'ADORABLE.' HE FUCKING SNEERED IRL I FUCKING CANNOT
GOD IT'S SO GOOD
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s-fellows-art · 4 years ago
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Simplified tips on how to improve your art.
.putting under cut because its long but thats cause i explain these and not just list stuff. 
1)  Flip/mirror  your canvas when working. - it allows you see anatomy and other errors you may overlook. 
2) before uploading look at the image on a different screen or the next day. - this give you time away from it, and as tempting as it is to upload as soon as your done, if you wait  you will see stuff you can improve on and be able to look at it with “ fresh” eyes. 
3) Stop shading with black or grey scale colors- shading with inly these colors make the imAge look muddy, if you shade with a color that is a darker hue of the same color your adding shading to it one in the same tempters ( warm= R Y O cool = B G I V  on the Rainbow ) you get more vibrant art and you don’t muddy what your working on. 
4) Learn to grey scale BEFORE coloring as a draft p2- learning how to shade in black and white can help you identify lighting points and details. When digital painting simplifying something out to a grey scale can help you keep track of what your doing. 
5) Use the tools you have access too- References to learn anatomy , taking time to learn amniotomy will help you a lot in the long term, but doing everything off the top of your head your bond to get something wrong early on, or even later on in art.  Use the sharpen tool around highlights if your program offers it. It saves time. Also play with your filters and line art colors. These will ad detail to your work and takes less time. If you mess around with the brushes in your program and stuff before starting it will help you later on. Its not cheating professionals use it all the time. 
6) practice drawing random stuff- it teaches you the shapes and trains your hand ti make the strokes/motions needed for basically everything. Art studies can be very helpful. Even if it feels stupid drawing 500 eyes on a note pad, it helps. 
7) Simple is good, complex is chaos- over complex art is hard to look at because your not sure what to focus on so the areas you want the eye to go to is where you should focus your details rather then make every single little thing detailed. Another way to do this is to brighten the colors where you want the eye to go at first glance in an image, but make the other areas muted in color, or blurred slightly.  
8) Don’t be afraid to look up tutorials and take breaks if you get stuck - I personally only learned how to shade faces from watching makeup tutorials. And there is nothing shameful in not knowing how to do something and needing to look it up or ask, its how you learn you can just power you way through it all the time, and somethings your wasting your time if you do for something not worth it in the end run. Also the act if stepping back and away to go do something else is sometimes all you need, sometimes looking at the same file over and over again can be mentally exhausting. Take a break. Drink some water. Stretch your wrists. Look away from it for a while then come back. 
9) Stretch your wrists before working- save your self years if pain trust me. I regret not doing this. Also draw from your shoulder not your wrist unless detailing, less stress on your arm and more precision. 
10) Use different line thicknesses - i find using thicker lines for areas that touch the outer parts of your drawing or more important areas, and using thinner for detailing adds a bit of detail and quality to your work even if the line art isn’t clean. Inner face  parts (other then the top bracket of the eyes), lines between fingers, lines marking clothing folds, and things like that should be done in thinner lines then eyebrows and what not. 
Next two some will role your eyes at but honestly makes a huge difference, even if you got to force it at first. Its hard to break a bad habit.
11) don’t look for flaws in your work, look for what you like about it,- if your constantly pointing out what is wring with what you are doing your not gonna go any where, bare minimum go “ okay im not too happy about this, lets see how we can improve it” instead if “ this looks like garbage I hate it”. If you stay in the mentality of I don’t like this , your never gonna be happy with what your making or improve because subconsciously your telling you self you can’t. This slight change in mind set of trying to find at least one thing you like will make a big difference in the long run because slowly you will be moving towards finding a style your comfortable with and going from there, you will be finding things you
12) don’t compare you self to other artist- its one thing to want to take influence in your fave artist, its another to constantly out yourself down because your not like them. Everyone art started as shit. Everyone. We all were that crappy 1 year old can barely hold a pen person at one point. like learning how to read and write or ride a bike....  No one starts as a perfect artists, its something you learn, so comparing your self to people around you is not gonna help you improve and putting yourself down just because your not perfect yet. Even if its something as little as “im happy I finally finished this” is better then “I wish i was like _”. You are slowly moving towards a goal, some people just move quicker then others because they learn different techniques, instead if putting energy into hating everything you do why not try to learn how the people you like the art of got there by learning some techniques your self? 
13) Ignore the notes enjoy the journey-  Regardless , you making art is amazing in itself . Its something only you have made. There may be other things like it but its not like how you did. Your unique and honestly ignore the notes, if your constantly pushing yourself based off of numbers, your gonna burn your self out and give your self impossible expectations to try to complete. Everyone has different tasted and are not always gonna like what you do the same way, if at all, there is nothing wrong with what you made you simply just can’ please everyone and its not your job to. The notes are a bonus, not a goal, you don’t have to try to compete for them the only person you have to create for for is you. Do what ever the hell you want and if people like it, great, if they don’, then they like a different cup of tea then yours, don’s make it bad tea.  Edit 1 as i thought of more : also the reason your sketch looks better then your line art is because your line art is too neet. If you use difrent thicknesses in lines (thicker for outter areas and important areas) and thinner for areas with more movment (bottom crese of eyes or outline of area around puple inner part of mouth clothing inner parts or what ever u feelis needed) it will look better because it will show your brush strokes which is what makes your sketch look good. -You can also add a 3d effect woth the red and blue outlines on areas that are not the central focus of the peice. Blurring has the same sort of effect to where it forces the eye onto the clearer area if the photo and makes it more visually intresting. Having this effect everywhere however can make stuff hard to focus on and diffcult to look at so only keep it on non focus points (most common focus point is the face so wouldnt put it there) .
Idk how helpful these will be but they made a big diff in my progress over the past year. The last bunch made a significant difference for me, though it was really hard to force myself into that mentality. And i still skip doing some of these in occasion ill admit but i hope this helps none the less. 
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gumdrop-holiday · 4 years ago
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about to start ✨college✨
and honestly, i know for a fact im about to find out how Not Smart i am.
how meaningless the gifted classes and high praise when i was eleven matters. how my college reading level at eight doesn’t matter because in college everyone has a college reading level.
and guess what?
im kinda really f r e a k i n g excited !!!
it is so GOOD to Not Be Good At Things!!!
culture has raised us that if you can’t profit off doing something, it is not worth doing. that if you are not The Best, you are not worth the talent.
personally, im not good at not being good at things. i get discouraged, i get anxious, i get self conscious bc i concern myself with other people seeing me put -ew- effort into something.
But that is the opposite of the way it should be!!! No one really knows what they’re doing!! There will *always* be someone who is better than you, and you will *always* be better than someone else. Challenging hobbies are usually the ones you learn the most from pursuing, and pure contentment and satisfaction follow. Your passion for the talent or skill or hobby should derive from how it makes you feel.
do you feel like you’ve expressed your exact emotions w that drawing/painting? have you articulated exactly the idea you were attempting to get across in what you’ve written? not for other people, but for you, do you look at your art and feel a warm glow of pride and accomplishment and just plain happiness knowing you did that. you did that and you liked it, maybe loved doing that, and it made you feel safe and seen and heard, and of course it has flaws but so does quite literally everything else, it’s the flaws of the world we live in, you can’t escape them, we must learn to thrive in them.
we have to learn.
we have to learn how to be bad at things.
i have mixed feelings about kickball bc im so bad at it. so bad. doesn’t matter how good of a coach you are, i can barely manage to make contact w the ball, much less aim it to the area of the field you want me to make it go towards. idrk when to run bc sometimes i go to second and they say go back to first and other times my team is screaming RUN !
anyways.
im v bad.
but i usually enjoy playing! i play w my friends and at camps and in pe at school and, yeah, im the worst, but that is just a fact of the matter? a point of intrigue? im still smiling and laughing at myself through the game, and my teammates are snickering and shaking their heads thinking im so naive i can’t see how embarrassed i should be when really What’s There To Be Embarrassed About???
the point of sports is to stay active in a fun way, to bring people together, and teach hard work and the value of various talents coming together towards a singular goal. and competition is fine, and yeah, obvi, if you want to be good at your hobby, go for it, you’re gonna rock, but my whole point to this long drawn out soapbox speech is that it is O K to be bad at things and still enjoy them, participate in them, talk about them, learn about them, and be open about them in front of others.
when i start my first semester of college in a week im hoping to encourage my fellow freshmen to not be afraid to not know things. bc ya know, it’d be a pretty big waste to pay for classes if you already knew the material! this is a hundred percent a message to myself.
im trying to not put my worth in my grades, in my classroom performance, in my intelligence. bc there will always be someone smarter and ill always be smarter than someone. that’s how life works.
i just wanna like who i am, i just don’t wanna hate myself and feel lost in my own mind.
you are not just Allowed to be bad at things, you are beautiful when you’re bad at things, you are the proof and encouragement of life when you’re bad at things, and always always always you are more worthy of existing than you’ll ever know, especially when you’re bad at things.
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words-for-holland · 5 years ago
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Quarantine Series: The Birthday Week
Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader
Summary: It’s Tom’s Birthday Week! So much planning, food, and surprises....and a special promise from our favorite Q.S. Couple.
A/N: It’s been long overdue...Is it too late to say Happy Belated Tom?! 🥺
A/N: Happier Part 3 comes out this weekend!!
Check the Rest: Burnt Out | A New Look | Secret Cuts & Kisses | Breaking Friendships
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May 25, 2020 (T-Minus 7 Days)
An almost average Monday. Its the start of Tom’s Birthday Week and Y/N is trying her best to get ahead of the game and prep up for an over-the-top birthday party for her boyfriend. Well as over-the-top as it can get when you’re stuck in Quarantine because...well...Covid.
The only problem, she didnt know where to start. What party to throw, games to play, food to make, playlist to create, and above all the gift. This year Y/N wanted to give Tom something that held a lot of sentimental value to represent all the love she had for him. While Y/N was lucky enough to have someone like Tom to spoil her and show her just how much she meant to him, she wanted to do the same for Tom. So, she went to the spare room, which had now become her new work space and started googling away.
May 26, 2020 (T-Minus 6 Days)
The next day, Tom and the boys went out for their daily Golf match, while Y/N stayed behind to continue party planning. She made sure to be discreet about it and pretended that she had to take care of a few things for work. In reality, Y/N facetimed her best friend, on advice of what to get Tom for his 24th.
“C’mon Im serious Nico. I want to give him something special this year.” Y/N groaned when she knew her best friend wasn’t giving her the answers she wanted.
“Im sorry, Y/N. I dont know what you could give him. You’ve know him better than anyone else.” Nico reasoned, as Y/N continued her helpless groans, banging her head on the table. “Look Im sure what ever you come up with, Tom is going to love it no matter what.”
“But that’s the problem I don’t know what I can come up with. Our first year together I got him clothes, last year it was golfing gear, I don’t know how I can top that.” Y/N continued to stare at the desk picking up and dropping her pencil repeatedly. “I just know that I want it to be something he can always look back at and know that I’ll always be there for him.”
“Wow. You really like this kid don’t ya?” Nico questioned, but of course she knew the answer to that...anyone did.
“Yeah...more than anything.” Y/N smiles back as she thinks about Tom.
“Well what about a promise ring?” Y/N’s ears perk up at the suggestion.
“Like uhhh a men’s promise ring? Do they even make promise rings for men?” She questions, though isn’t opposed to the idea.
“No, Im talking about a donkey’s promise ring.” Nico rolls her eyes. “It’d be cute and not to mention empowering because you’d be making the first move. Empowering women is super attractive.”
Y/N stops to give it some thought. It would be cute to have a ring for him and see him wear it everywhere knowing he would carry a symbol of her love. Of course it’s nothing like the real thing when couples get married and all, but it’s a step toward that direction. “Ill think about it.” She says.
May 27, 2020 (T-Minus 5 Days)
Y/N had finally given the idea a good 8 hours when she decided to find the ring. She scrolled through pages and pages to find the ring but none of them spoke to her or looked like it was meant for Tom. The more she scrolled the more anxious she got, slowly biting ther thumb nail as she continued.
“You know if you’re gonna do birthday shopping for someone in the house, the kitchen might not be the best place to do it.” A deep british voice popped up from behind.
Y/N shrieked and jumped, quickly closing her laptop, afraid she had already ruined the surprise. Until she turned around and saw it was just Harrison. “Ugh, was it reallg necessary to do that?” She whined. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”
“Of course wheres the fun in simply asking what you’re doing.” He laughed, pulling a chair next to Y/N as he watched her scroll through pages or rings. His smile growing ever so slightly. Y/N looked at him with suspicion.
“Okay I know that smile...clearly you know something I don’t.” She states. “Is this a bad idea?”
Harrisons smile dropped quickly as he profusely shook his head. “What? What? No...I just uhh — actually yeah the rings are not a good idea.” He blabbers. Y/N looks at him, waiting for Harrison to continue. “I mean think about it. If you buy a ring for Tom and he starts wearing it everywhere. People are gonna suspect that he’s getting married or worse find out about your relationship. I don’t know if you wanna risk that.”
Harrison was lucky to be a gifted actor as he improv-ed his answers on the spot in hopes that Y/N did not find him to be too suspicious. If she called his bluff and found out, Tom would make sure Harrison would never see the light of day. “You should go for this necklace. I think it suits him and has a touch of your style.” Harrison points out to a necklace he truthfully thought she should get him. With that, he quickly left Y/N to be on her own in gift shopping.
May 28, 2020 (T-Minus 4 Days)
Y/N’s planning was 70% in the clear. The necklace was ordered, Sam was helping out in planning the food, Harrison and Tuwaine were arranging the golf diversion plan, and Harry was keeping Tom busy making sure he wasnt suspecting anything. Although that didn’t stop Tom from bothering his girlfriend a couple of hours of the day. How could he not, the boy missed his girl.
“Y/N..” Tom cooed as he wrapped his hands around her, kissing a small part of her shoulder. “Can you take a break from whatever arts and crafts thing you got going on and cuddle with me?” He continued as he placed another kiss.
“Babe, I’d love to more than anything but I wanna finish this up so I can at least accomplish one thing during Quarantine.” She explains.
“You accomplish a lot of things darling, and you can accomplish another if you just come and cuddle with your needy boyfriend, who happens to be turning 24....in 4 days.” He hinted, places kisses by ear.
“Oh and I suppose that gives you special treatment?” Y/N challenges, letting out giggles as Tom continued to kiss where she was ticklish the most.
“I would hope so. Now, what do you say?” He smiles at her, placing the small strand of black hair behind her ear.
“Okay you win.” She whispers.
May 29, 2020 (T-Minus 3 Days)
Tom and Harry were busy hosting the Pub Quiz, while Y/N and Harrison took the time to create the decorations for Tom’s party. The theme... Spiderman, but what else was new. Harrison drew up webs and spiders on the deflated red and blue ballooms, stashing them in a paper bag to be inflated the day of. Y/N started on the birthday pub quiz answer sheets, customizing them to have that personal touch of Tom. Everything was going smoothly until, she needed more glue.
“Crap, Im gonna check the closet. I think we have a few spare sticks of hot glue.” Y/N stated, as she got up.
Harrison eyes started to display signs of panic as he quickly got up and raced her to it, guarding the closet door. “Uh...there’s no more. I already checked.” He squeaked.
Y/N raised her one eyebrow in suspicion. “I’m pretty sure there’s a couple.” She fired back, trying to pry Harrison off the closet. “C’mon Harrison. This isn’t funny.”
“I think it is.” Harrison continued to stall. Y/N rolled her eyes, coming closer to him, wiggling her fingers. She tickled his sides, knowing it was his weak spot. His grip started to loosen as he let out fits of giggles. Y/N took the opportunity to quickly open the closet, and grab her glue sticks. She looked around to find if anything was suspicious or worth hiding, but there was nothing.
“You know...you’re acting really weird.” Y/N stated as she walked back to the table to continue her project. Once she was out of Harrison’s sight, he quickly texted Tom about the dilemma. Only to receive:
Time to find a new spot then.
May 30, 2020 (T-Minus 2 Days)
It was Tom & Y/N’s turn to wash the dishes after dinner. The irony both had no clue what one was planning for the other. They were always the type to be truthfully honest to each other, but a few little playful secrets couldn’t hurt. “So, is it just me or is Harrison acting really...strange?” She asked her boyfriend. Tom looked at her, pretending to not know what she was talking about.
“Umm..not sure. He seemed fine to me....Why? What’s happened?” Tom asked casually, focusing on the dishes.
“You know for someone that’s really good at acting, you’re a terrible liar.” Y/N laughed out loud, only to get splashed with water. “Touche. But seriously, he gets so nervous around me. Like someone’s out to get him if I do something he doesn’t expect. I wanted to get glue sticks yesterday in the closet and he straight up guarded the door, saying I wasn’t allowed....in out own closet?! I swear it’s like he’s hiding something in there.”
“Haz, you div.” Tom muttered under his breath.
“What was that babe?”
“Uhh nothing. I was just saying Harrison is a piece of work. Even I couldn’t tell you why he was acting like that.” He lied.
“Uh..huh.” Y/N responded, not buying anything but rather just letting it be.
Tom placed the dishes on the rack, while he came up behind his girlfriend, huggling her tightly from behind. “It’s whatever. But, lets just go back to our room, lay under the sheets, watch some Netflix....have a good time.” He smirked, kissing her temple. “And just cuddle like there’s no one watching.”
“Mmmm. Now that sounds like a plan.” She whispers pulling him to their room.
May 31, 2020 (T-Minus 1 Day)
Y/N only had 1 day left to prepare everything for Tom’s big day. She made sure to stay on top of everyone’s tasks and prepped her gifts for Tom tomorrow. Y/N was extremely proud of everything and everyone that was taking part of her little project. A rare sight anyone would ever see, but the most thing she was proud of was how secretive they were able to keep it that Tom didnt suspect a single thing.
“So, got anything planned for tomorrow?” Tom asked Y/N as she was cooking pancakes.
“Mmm I dont know. Am I supposed to have something to do tomorrow?” She teases.
“Well..” He starts as he takes the spatula out of her hands. “I hear it this div’s birthday tomorrow.” Tom grabs Y/N’s waist, picking her up and placing her on the counter. “And I hear he just wants to spend it with his girls all day long.” Y/N’s legs locked around Tom’s waist as he continues his not-so-obvious birthday wish.
“Oh there’s gonna be more than one girl at this birthday of his huh? He must be quite the player.” She smiles at him, fingers thresding through the small brown hairs at the nape of his neck.
“Well yeah because Tessa is his princess but Y/N, this really cute adorable hot girl who doesn’t think she’s hot but should really start seeing it...that HIS princess.” He explained, kissing every visible spot on her face. “It would make his 24th. Trust me.”
Y/N pretends to stall and think about his wish. He knew he was going to get Y/N and Tom time together no matter what, but where’s the fun in just expecting it. “We’ll see about that birthday boy.”
June 1, 2020 (Party Time!!)
The boys were all out celebrating Tom’s birthday at the golf course at the start of the day. Of course that wasn’t until Tom made sure to get some extra love and attention from his girlfriend first thing in the morning. Y/N quickly rushed to get the decorations in place, while Nikki, Tom’s mother helped in setting the table and getting the food ready with cleR and concise instructions from Sam to ensure they couldn’t mess it up.
“Y/N this was such a wonderful idea. I cant wait to see his face when he comes home.” She exclaims, giving Y/N the most comforting hug.
“Thank you Nikki, I just want it to be perfect for him this year. I mean we’re all in Quarantine and all of us are finally together in one place.” Y/N explains as she places the final ballons up by the doorway.
“Well of this is how you prepare for a birthday, I can’t wait to see how you prep for your wedding.” Nikki responds, only half joking.
“He hasn’t even proposed yet!” Y/N laughs, though the thought makes her stomach flutter in the best way possible. Being married to Tom was all she could ever want in life.
“Well, dont you worry. Im sure it’ll happen, that boy can’t gona second without you I’d be surprised if he doesnt....May just have to chastise him if he takes too long.”
Y/N was starting to grow a bit suspicious. This whole week alone was filled with suspicion. Harrison acting weird, Tom being extra needy and cuddly, Nikki talking about marriage. “Was Tom going to propose soon? “ she thought to herself.
Just in the nick of time, the boys had all arrived after an intense game of golf. They came in bursting in conversation about how great it was, who deserved to win, and of course how Dom was always getting beat at his own game by his sons. Of course the festivities didnt start yet, until Tom took a moment to shower and dress up. It wasnt that he needed to, but for him..it was extremely necessary for today.
Y/N went up to grab her presents for Tom in the work closet, when all of a sudden, a small box landed on her head. She looked up then down towards where the item fell, only to see a sparkling pink and clear diamon cut ring. “Oh my god” she muttered.
“Bullocks.” Tom spoke out loud wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his torso.
“I...uh..Im sorry Tom. I swear I wasn’t looking for it I was just trying to get my gift so I could give it to you. I didnt know this was your hiding spot.” She frantically explains picking up the box and giving it to him.
Tom looked a little disappointed as he stared at the ring. He had worked so hard to keep it a secret from everyone only to get it ruined on his brirthday. “No no no. It’s fine Y/N, really. I just...I was planning on giving this to you next month on your birthday.”
Y/N opens her mouth realizing how bad she messed it up. “Oh my god. Tom Im so sorry.”
“It’s fine.” He laughs. “Actually kinda glad you found it. So now I can do this”. Tom gets down on one knee, his towel still wrapped around his torso. “Y/N, I have loved you more than I could ever love anyone in the past 3 years I’ve known you. I swear I could have sworn I was going to marry you the day I met you at the Marvel office with your little black Dell notebook in your hands. Your humor, your kindess, your sympathy and empathy for all living things makes me love you even more. Will you make me the happiest birthday man on earth, and marry me?” He proposes.
Y/N tears up and shakes her head vigorously. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” She cries, repearing the words as she hugs him on the floor. They lean in giving into a passionate kiss, still holding onto each other. Y/N and Tom couldn’t believe it was real. Just a couple of seconds they were boyfriend and girlfriend..now they’re engaged. “Wait. I almost forgot about your presents.” She quickly speaks out grabbing the bag.
“Darling, believe me you were my present. I am beyond satisfied right now.” He chuckles.
“I know, but I got you these too!” Y/N pushes the bag to him. Tom shakes his head as he opens it up find a silver necklace with a retangular pendant, and a major jar full of post- it notes. He observes the necklace and opens up the retangular pendant to find a picture of Y/N and him during their firsf year together. He smiled back at the memory, now seeing as to where they’ve ended uo. Stronger and better than before. Next, he opened the major jar pulling out a small card that read:
For whenever you’re down, need a laugh or missing me.
He picked up a post it note that more pictures of them during their time together with a note saying:
“Remember that you’re the reason we all smile. You are a warm loght of happiness that does not stop giving to the world.”
Tom tears up at the gift. In all his years, no one has ever given him soemthing that held so much sentimental value. “I love you so much Y/N. Thank you for this...for all of this.” He whispers, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.
“Your welcome. I hope you know you mean the world to me too, and I just wanted your birthday to be perfect.”
“It already is...because I have you.” He looks back at her and smiles.
“Cmon birthday boy. Get dressed, we have a party to attend to and news to share .” Y/N laughs as she helps her boyfriend...I mean fiance up. Who said that quarantine birthdays were boring?
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