#im not even supposed to be using this blog anymore and yet

[anachronistic-falsehood]

hey guys wouldn’t it be funny if the suckening characters had tumblr

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

omw to burger king gonna get the no whopper whopper who wants anything

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCKV YKU FUCKG HUOU

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

suck my entire dick and balls

👑 shilo-bathory

Hello It’s Me Shilo Bathory Son ofthe Wueen hello 👋 what’s Is That There Is A Hand oon the Light Box Whose Hand Is that There Is A Tiny Man Inside The Lightbocx

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

you pressed the emoji button after typing hello see here i can do it too hello 👋

👑 shilo-bathory

Who Are Yoy Is This your Hand In The Light Box

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

why are you typing like a homestuck character

👑 shilo-bathory

Wghat is Home Suck

🦇 iamthevoid

The darkness is my only friend… my one constant companion in these long decades of breathless life…

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

edgelord alert

🦇 iamthevoid

Boy you have no idea what horrors I have seen. I have witnessed wars and massacres the likes of which would give you nightmares. You have seen nothing yet.

#darkness #my twisted mind #lonely #depression #no one understands #despair

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

@/iamthevoid stop typing like that youre clogging up my dashboard

🦇 iamthevoid

It’s what best suits my dark and twisted soul… if I even have one.

😈 phantom-flipper-official

who tf got peepaw a tumblr account

👑 shilo-bathory

Hello Emizel It Is me Shilo I Helped Arthur create a “tumblr blog” like You Did For Me ☺️ I Know How To Make The Smiley Faces now

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

👑 shilo-bathory

Emizel Hwo Is This Man inthe Lightt Box. Who is That

🦇 iamthevoid

Prince, I believe that is Keanu Reeves.

🗡 fromthetoprope

@/shilo-bathory Actually My Prince, that is Ben Affleck! He is an “actor.” I learned about him while watching the large light box!

👑 shilo-bathroy

grefgor

🥤 the-soda-man ✅✅

hey guys, i’m shutting this blog down. my soda addiction was getting really really bad, and i think it’s best i don’t post about vintage sodas anymore. i’m rebranding to the nalgene man

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

CONGRATS ON THE TRANSITION 🥳

🥤the-nalgene-man ✅✅

THANKS BRO YOURE MY NUMBER ONE ‼️‼️

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

the no whopper whopper is not worth the twenty five dollars

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

YOU SUCK SO BAD

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

DUDE GET OFF MY DICK

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

I’LL GET OFF YOUR DICK WHEN YOU GET OFF MINE

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

GUESS WERE GETTING OFF EACH OTHERS DICKS THEN

🦇 iamthevoid

I’m reporting this post for sexual content.

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU WANNA GET OFF MY DICK TOO

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

YOU CANT GET OFF HIS DICK YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING OFF MY DICK

🦇 iamthevoid

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHO SHIWED YOU HOW TO USE REACTION INAGES?????>?>?

👑 shilo-bathory

Emizel We Are Learning ☺️ Grefgor Knows All

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

whoever showed arthur homophobic dog im going to strangle you he wont stop saying “i know what you are” and “dont tell me youre one of them” whenever i do anything i was washing the blood out of my clothes at 2 in the morning and he passed by the bathroom and said “i dont think thats normal” im going to fucking rip his throat out

🦇 iamthevoid

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOR

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHY IS THIS GETTING NOTES

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

you guys HAVE to stop asking me about arthur hes not my fucking dad i was an orphan your assumptions are offensive im not related to him i called him peepaw AS A JOKE

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

i AM related to the other guy but thats not relevant

🦇 iamthevoid

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHO GAVE YUO MORE IMAGES

👑 shilo-bathory

His Arsenal Is Expanding ☺️

🦇 iamthevoid

What is a Tumblrina and why are the people in my inbox calling me one?

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

im gonna fucking kill myself

👑 shilo-bathory

Okay 🥳 See You when youu Come Back 😊🥰

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

[nocturnesmoon]

Hello! I've been lurking on your blog for a little bit and I saw your vampire 141 reader and absolutely fell in LOVE, so I was wondering if youre at all able to write a similar prompt but with a Seraph(im) reader :D? If not, have a nice day and I hope you continue writing !!

Hi anon! I can certainly try, i hope this is what you meant by it, if not feel free to shoot in another request and i'd love to make more :)) Takes place in the same universe as this

How much trouble do you think you can get into for asking a few questions?

Just a few simple, seemingly innocent questions.

Apparently quite a lot, if you're the right (wrong) type of creature, born into the right (wrong) celestial plane, and in servitude to the right (wrong) god.

One would think that being among god’s favorites would be a blissful thing. Full of everything good in your servitude of the almighty. A seraph's magnitude of power, should bring glory and easy existence, right? A dream come true for some, more akin to a family nightmare in reality.

A court of angels built for hope and peace, to fight the forces of evil, but what about when the forces of evil are your fallen brothers and sisters? The same people who were once the closest to you, all thrown away the moment they did something they weren't supposed to.

One of those things being the creation of monsters that now live in shadows on the mortal realm. Incredible how one drop of divine intervention could create such interesting creatures, and how incredible it is how quickly humans could turn on them.

Humans, such beautifully contradicting creatures.

You had always loathed them to some extent, a result of your growing care for the named monsters of their world. You had always believed it would be possible for it all to coexist, but all the thinking got you was your other seraphim's voices calling you naive and too young.

You shut your mouth until you couldn't, you held it all back until it blew up in your face.

You had never expected to end up like any of the fallen, you had spent centuries fighting to protect the beloved humanity from evil things they couldn't comprehend. You'd never expect to be falling from the sky, into the earthly planes with your wings broken. All over a few questions that was too much.

When you reached the ground, you wept. The betrayal stung worse than your broken wings, you had been abandoned by the father, your brothers and sisters turned on you the moment you weren't useful. The hierarchy more than likely celebrating your demise if you knew them well enough, sadistic ones they are.

You ended up spending a long long time on earth, you had no way of switching to a different celestial plane, so you had to make do in the mortal world. Your god has abandoned you, yet part of your celestial power still remains.

Why you can't say, but you imagine there's still some use for you in this world. You can't decide whether it’s a relief or more angering. All of you have left is your six wings tied to your back, which two of them are broken, and half your divine power in your hand.

You do all you can think to do with it, seek out the creatures you were so desperately trying to defend. Perhaps they might be the only type to understand your strife, to show you a place in a world where you are everything different.

How wrong you could be.

You quickly start to doubt your own inhibitions, that these creatures might've been reasonable. Some of them could be, but in vicious groups they prove quite the threat even to others of their own species.

Forced on the run, while defending yourself against the creatures you had longed to meet. It wasn't exactly the time of your life you had hoped for. Nor was the group you'd meet soon after.

Going from place to place wasn't all the easy anymore, unable to fly you'd have to do most places on foot, while having to stay out of sight. Changing form with broken wings isn't the easiest thing in the world, so you would have to wait until they had healed up.

The first time they found you was in an open clearing in the forest, close to a pond they had to pass on their route during a mission. The 141 had been on the mission for a few days now, eliminating an important target, and now exhausted they've finally been able to go to the exfil point.

Soap is the first one that sees you, in the middle of the pack he stops up dead in his tracks causing Gaz to almost crash into him. Though before he could spout some kind of insult his way, Soap promptly shut him up by pointing in your direction. The entire group stops in shock as they take in your appearance.

You had placed yourself next to the pond, gently nursing your wings in hopes of them healing better soon. The mortal plane didn't exactly have the same rate of healing as it did in your old home. All you could do was wait, and keep the wing groomed and free of parasites.

Price is the first to realize what you were, the wings etched into your back should be enough of a sign but there are so few of your kind. He had heard about you both from old legends but also from newer times. Tales of fallen seraphim who still wanted to do good, they were often in some kind cooperation with human military, in the pursuit of the more vile monsters that are loose.

He orders his men to stay back as his mind works laps to decide on what to do. You haven't noticed them, he wonders why. He's never met any seraphim in person, but he's heard of their divine abilities, their senses being way beyond the ordinary, he'd thought you'd have an incredible awareness, it's not like they're hidden.

The possibility of you being a threat was still prominent, but something told him he didn't have to worry about that. So, he slowly starts to approach you, catching your attention once he starts speaking to you.

You're very clearly startled by them, upset that you let them sneak up on you even if unintentionally. Being confronted by humans so suddenly, wasn't something you had prepared for, and despite Price's calming voice trying to coax you, you still looked like a terrified sheep. A far cry from the warrior you could've been, had been.

Ghost watches with intent, thinking back to the one time he saw a seraph when he was a kid. It was an encounter nobody ever believed when he would tell the story, but to him it was very real. Your own existence in front of them only confirmed it.

While Price slowly coaxes you into a more receptible and relaxed state, Ghost informs the two sergeants on what type of being you were. Not many knew of the Seraphim's existence, especially the fallen ones that now roamed on earth. Normally they were all very hidden, taking on different forms and only showing their wings and glowing eyes when they needed to call on divine power.

You're not really sure why Price's wording works, but he manages to assure you that they don't mean you any harm. They all come up to you, questioning you, taking a look at your broken wing. You thought you'd hate the touch of a human, but you find it warm when Gaz gently holds your broken wing and assesses what could be done with it.

Soap is crouched in front of you, asking you insane questions about your background that you're reluctant to answer. All the while Price and Ghost stand a few meters away, discussing what to do with you and the mission. They hadn't expected to find anyone out here, but in your injured and confused state, they can't find it in their hearts to just leave you there.

You're confused with yourself, why you let them fuss over you, why you let them close, but you're even more upset at yourself for letting them take you with them. You should be angry at your own instincts for letting yourself be so easily coaxed into going with them. The promise of bettering your wing was an all too appealing prospect.

Ghost and Soap do the teamwork of helping you up, your exhausted state making them insist that you lean onto them. Price is much more practical on his questioning, a lot gentler in his tone as well. He sticks to the specifics, leaving your past to yourself and getting the information out of you that was needed now. You notice the way they glance at each other once you confirm you have nowhere to go.

They take you with them back to an exfil point, and then further back to a base they normally reside at. You're given quite a few stares as you walk between the four of them, and despite their stern glares and quips to get others to look away, it doesn't help much.

They get you inside and split up, Price going to file paperwork of both the mission and their new arrival. Sneakily filing you away as a kind of stray they picked up and intend to keep for the benefit of the mission. The easiest way to avoid any unwanted interventions from the higher ups at least for now while you get used to it all and they get more information out of you.

Meanwhile Ghost, Gaz and Soap get you settled into the base, getting you cleaned up and acquainted with your new surroundings. Gaz, ever fascinated with your wings, helps clean out the accumulating sweat and dirt that's etched itself into your pristine feathers.

Soap lends you some of his clothes, despite your clear displeasure for the odd clothing. It was something you had never had to concern yourself with before, and now you had to wear the itchy fabric all the time. A very quick cause for another meltdown they coax you through once they realized how much that part bothered you.

Ghost takes a look at your broken wings, fixing up something that could help stabilize it so it could start healing at a better rate. No matter how many times he told you to sit still you couldn't help but squirm as you felt his hands graze over your feathers. It wasn't normal for humans to be touching you so...intimately...it was something you'd have to get used to.

A few weeks pass, two broken wings healed, and you're still with them. You're slowly getting accustomed to their presence around you, their fuzzing, and inquiries, you almost dare admit that you like it, that you might like them.

Never in your life would you have expected to have to admit to yourself that you liked a group of humans beyond your divine contracts. Yet the way they see you and spend time with you, is something you find yourself holding precious to your heart.

Once you discover Soap's drawing habits you can't help but observe him whenever he does it. You find it fascinating the control he has over his hands and the brushstrokes against the fragile paper. He even starts teaching you some of your own, though you struggle with coming up what to draw. You end up drawing some of your seraphim brothers and sister from memory, which he takes great interest in.

Gaz ends up going with you when you go to fly again, the first time was a little bit of a disaster, you crashed straight down. Causing all four of them to worry about you, though luckily you didn't break anything this time. You weren't used to the soreness in your wings, nor the training you'd have to do to get back to your usual level of excellent flying.

Though when you do get it back, you're going out to fly every day. Gaz isn't exactly with you, but he observes you from the ground. You tried offering to show him what it's like, but he kindly declined, mumbling something about it reminding him too much of an unfortunate helicopter ride.

Time spent with Ghost is normally quiet activities that don't require a lot of talking, you enjoy the silent respite, being able to enjoy his company without a single word having to be shared. You often go to him when Soap and Gaz's spontaneous activities get too much, he quickly puts them down before dragging you to a quiet place to relax. Naps with him a top tier, even if you don't really need the sleep the same way he does.

Price will occasionally have you in his office, helping him with paperwork and research on monsters. He finds that you know a lot more than anyone else on probably the entire planet does. You explain their behaviors, their chances at rehabilitation and their threat levels. You admire him and his work, despite having an unfathomable number of years more to your name, his decisions are wise and calculated, he knows what he's doing.

Eventually you even come on missions with them, under great supervision at first, both to learn more about you and to keep a general eye on you. Though it’s a quick agreement between them all that you're an important asset. It's a lot easier to go monster hunting when you have a seraph that can quite literally put the fear of god into them.

Life with them is far from anything you could've expected, so different from your old life, but you find yourself enjoying your time. You're doing something worthwhile, and maybe the godly intervention you were so sure those monster's needed could still depend on you. Either way, you'd have a new group behind your back, one you could rely on more than any other type you'd seen in your divine existence.

I could see this developing into a lil AU of monsters and humans and other mythical things. Definitely getting the gears in my head stirring... I've also got some more ideas for the vampire reader, so watch out for that in the coming time once i get more time to write >:))

[missmeinyourbones]

Osamu and #5 please? :)

NSFW 18+ MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED

cw: IM SWEATING... afab!reader, soft dom osamu, fingering and clit play, teasing, this is the last piece of this lil game ty all for playing along :p

...

while his twin often gets hit with the annoying allegations, you know he's not alone in his nature. because, sure, they have their differences, but DNA is still a science, and osamu is just as insufferable as his brother.

"is it good when i touch you here?" he gently asks, though nothing about the power he holds over you right now could be described as gentle.

osamu has mastered the art of overpowering you with delicate dominance. never pushy or mean in the slightest, the mere sternness of his silky touches and coos always has you listening to him, one way or another.

he's strong, his grip on you remains soft but it's achingly there. with you pressed up against him with little to no effort, osamu doesn't need to be rough and harsh for you to be completely and utterly his.

he's not pleased when he's met with your silence, so he decides to be nice and try again.

"asked you somethin', sweetheart."

your back against his chest, his hand lightly holds your jaw in place with his palm. knees rubbing against the plush of the comforter, your ass grinds into his cock as you squirm in his grasp.

the gentle circles of his pointer finger on your throbbing clit are so simple, yet too much for you to handle already. he's barely begun and you're slipping beneath his grip like water in his hands.

"yes," you whine against his fingers in needy frustration.

osamu kisses his teeth at the half-assed response, disapprovingly but still amused. "use your words, say it like a big girl," he breathes against your neck.

his hands continue to snake around you, keeping you in place and reminding you that even with his sweet words and calloused fingers, you're still no match for him.

"does it feel good," he enunciates both his words and his actions when he presses a bit firmer on where you ache for release, "when i touch you here?"

back arching further against his body, he feels your thighs quake against his at the minuscule action. your head thrown further back into his shoulder, he gently lets his hand fall from your jaw to the base of your neck.

through gritted teeth, you tell him, "you know it does."

osamu laughs now, you feel the vibration of his chest against you when he kisses your temple to ease your frustration.

"ya flatter me, baby, but i'm no mind reader," he feigns innocence, though his finger pressing harder on your clit shows his true colors.

his touch is firm and achingly slow, calculated in his movements as he pulls each whimper and jolt from you with ease.

he's smiling like a bastard when he sweetly kisses up your neck, sucking and nipping on the tender spots and convincing you he's just doing what he's told.

his voice is condescendingly calm when he breathes, "if you don't speak up, how am i supposed to know if i should keep goin—"

"—yes!" your sigh of need, agony, you don't even know anymore, comes out breathy and high-pitched.

osamu feels you swallow beneath the palm of his hand when you take a breath and repeat with confidence," yes, feels really fucking good. so please, keep going."

at your confession, osamu makes a mental note to get a pretty ring on your finger as soon as he can.

"well, since ya asked so nicely," he coos in pride, finally rewarding you by slipping a finger between your folds and inside your eager hole.

[asamary]

I'm a little new here and I love your blog! If you don't mind could you summarize your au for me? Only if you want to, but I don't know how to put it together myself 😭

Poppy playtime og:

The story is kinda the same with the game, the only different route i wanted to give angel was that they saved dogday and catnap!(poppy and kissy too) and since we still dont know what happens after chapter 3, i wont continue on. Buttt if feathers got a chance to write again(they wont be writing for a while, stress is getting to them, and im trying to comfort them.) i got the idea for a bitter sweet ending>:3

Sweethome:

The story is a bit like the og, until the hour of joy. Where the prototype had the help of some of the employees to help expose playtime co's dark secrets. But when the day they were going to get arrested, the scientists are long gone.

Years passed, yet the prototype still persuade to find the missing scientists,some of the toys had also joined. But they are unknowingly splitted in groups. The ones who will capture and secure until judgement. And the ones who will kill on sight. Those who kill, are the once who are very loyal to the prototype, and will keep a secret till the end of their lives.

To keep them all safe, the prototype want all the scientist and future more to be gone. What all of them went through, wont be experience by others anymore, even if it meant killing to prevent it.

The capture and secure group's purpose are to merly guard their Borders, to keep hostiles outsiders from harassing or harming ether the toys or the kids.

The toys and children could wander out of their borders, but they need permission is all.

And thats where the first chapter of sweet home takes.

Where bobby left without no one knowing and met angel in a very colorful flowerfield.

Luminous:

(Out of two, luminous's story change a lot, since it kinda didn't make sense even for me XD)

Angel only wanted to help. Once they helped these poor souls they were suppose to leave. But with their strength used by the being they were helping, they were weak. Even flying became difficult.

The prototype was a man made god, supposed to be controlled by their creators who made them, but an error occurred that made them unstable. In their containment, they prayed to be free. And one day, that prayer was heard. An angel helped them, this pure being helping a imperfect and false god. Held them gently, and spoke kind and reassuring words. In their fused mind, they came to a decision. Keeping their angel with them.

In their hour of joy, they met other subject their creators had made. And one in particular, became their most loyal follower.

When they achieved their goal,when they killed their creators. They found the outside world.they chained the angel to be unable to go home, To always stay by them, Even if they don't want to. Weak and all, the angel was unable to do anything.

Years passed, and the prototype's followers grew. They made a cult, to worship their savior. Yet the prototype only wished for the angel's attention.day by day, the angel grew more weak. And every visit the prototype has, is only greeted with a sleeping angel. They almost want the days the angel tried to escape, only to be brought back to them. It was entertaining, or so what they thought. Their most loyal follower on the other hand, despises the angel. Not understanding, why their god holds this weak and burden being. Why they get most of their attention instead of him. Jealousy, that was what he felt. And his fellow subordinates teases him of this, except for the heretic. Who is suspiciously close to the angel.

One day the angel never woke again, the prototype was in despair to the point they killed some of their followers.

Yet on the next day, a new born was woken up, and the first thing they do, was climb a tall tree. Which suddenly broke down all of a sudden, that was the result of little starlight's head injury. And the beginning of meeting familiar faces

(Do tell if it doesn't make sense! I'll rewrite them then:3)

[7nsomnia]

can i ask, what’s wrong with dcc? i always hear that they kinda suck as a company, but from the vlogs i’ve seen, they’re one of the better companies. i’m not really as into dreamcatcher as some of the blogs on here even though i consider myself a stan, so i might not have the right information

okay. I feel like this is like opening my personal pandora box so this might be long. I'm pretty tired today so apologies in advance if this isn't very coherent asdkjh

dcc are a pretty decent company on a surface level, they treat the members well (which should be like the bare minimum for any company but I know that in this industry that's something to genuinely praise) and they actually change according/respond to negative feedback from the fandom etc when they or the members mess up (or they used to anyway).

for me it started in 2020 and how they handled handong's return. like the way they handled her absence was fine (good even, I would say), but the lack of hype for her actual return made things feel so underwhelming even though it was supposed to feel like a relief that she was finally back. I can't remember all the details anymore, but I do remember that the first time I felt like things were actually alright with dc was when they did the online concert crossroads in march of 2021. on that note I think most ppl were expecting ttol and dlm to be repackaged with ot7 versions and yet it's 2024 and they still haven't released them.

the handong stuff atp is water under the bridge tho, the group is fine, the members are fine, etc, I'm only mentioning it because that's when things started to feel really off for me.

so now we get into the actual things that happened that have left the fandom feeling burned out/frustrated/disconnected etc etc, whereas this happened to me at the end of 2022, I'm seeing more people now going through what I did back then:

I think the most pressing thing was that dcc didn't capitalize at all on dc's first win. they got their first win in april 2022 and didn't even do anything special in korea to commemorate it. it was a HUGE moment and they did nothing with it. usually after a group gets a first win you'll see them getting more promotions in korea, magazine photoshoots, mc deals, etc but dc just went on ahead to do festivals in europe and have a usa tour, these things are not bad but it was the lack of promotion in korea that in turn just made it all feel useless. that year dc also weren't invited to any end of year awards if I'm not mistaken so it all felt really disappointing and like all of the work we had as a fandom had been for nothing. I have to reiterate, dc/insomnias had been getting screwed over on music shows since 2019 with deja vu to get that first win, like I don't want to talk about the injustices the group and this fandom suffered through the years but it was a true story of resilience, so getting that first win in 2022 was a huge relief. to see it all going to waste was just... heartbreaking honestly.

when it comes to tours...... god I don't wanna get too much into it, but 4 tours in the usa in the span of 2 years is not normal. specially when they're prioritizing that over having a proper asia tour and the likes (AND promoting in korea??). latam tour is practically sold out rn and they're getting no merch or m&g benefits like the usa tour. I don't think doing exclusive things for a specific tour is bad per say, but you have to treat all your fans semi equally at least, specially for a group whose fanbase is majorly international (this will be important later), or it will happen what is happening rn which is ppl will leave the fandom. This is the first latam tour since 2019 (2017 for brazil!)... they've waited a really long time so personally (even tho this doesn't affect me bc I'm european) I feel like it's really disrespectful but wtv, onto other things.

now, speaking of the fanbase being majorly international, if this is the case, you'd think the company would make an effort to stream important events to their fans, like hmm the 7th anniversary concert perhaps? but nop, that didn't get streamed. a repetition of the dumbassery they did in 2022 where they split the concert and the members' solos in 2 days and only streamed one and so intl fans couldn't watch half the solo stages? and don't get me wrong, I think it's important that they have events that are korea only like they have the fansigns etc, but something as major as their 7th anniversary? when they've gotten here thanks to their international fans? that stings a little.

and lastly (maybe), we have dcc's usual lack of promotion during comebacks. fans always paying for ads, intl fans always doing the most for digitals even when it's Not their place (because this is smth that the korean fandom and dcc should be responsible for), fans having to reach out for vendors etc... Justice cb truly has been the culmination of the very worst promotions dcc has done tho and there have been some really bad promotions before... no radio shows, minimum interviews, barely any variety... were there even any ads? usually it's always fans paying out of pocket for ads. it just feels like throwing the members' and the company's work out the window for no good reason? Virtuous is one of their best albums and yet it feels like they just dumped it to go on tour again. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing btw, having short promotions in korea is fine but like... promote for real? give your fandom content that they can watch and rewatch for however long it takes your group to have another cb? specially now that it seems that they're shifting to one album per year (not sure this is their wisest decision tho all things considered), you have to make sure that you promote that album properly? which kinda also goes with like, giving your fandom enough time to save for what you release and put out, specially if you're not trying to grow the fandom anymore. if they're dropping an album then don't announce a tour on top of that, and if they're announcing a tour then don't announce a photobook on top of that, and if they've just released an album then wait longer than a month to announce a photobook, and if they've just dropped a photobook then wait a bit longer until announcing the re print of albums the fans have been begging you for 6 years to re print LOL bc all this does is frustrate fans who can't make that much money in such a short time and it's stupid. like. in 2018 I dropped like 200 euros for like their very first photobook BECAUSE I had time to save that amount from their you and I cb (may) to whenever it was announced (I think it was august), and that was the highest tier (so you could get it for much cheaper) and bc back then it was like. well they barely release anything other than albums, so it's fine (also shipping was sooooooo much cheaper I miss it everyday, ofc this is not their fault tho but anyways).

lastly actually, oh my god. that stupid ass app where fans pay a subscription to message the members privately? has been the fucking worst thing to happen to this fandom and the members imo. if fans weren't respecting their boundaries before, it's even worse now. but it's also like. yeah the members should be reinforcing those boundaries, and I get wanting to at least make a buck of those problematic type of fans but I just don't think it has been good for the members at all. I won't elaborate too much on this because it will genuinely piss me the hell off but bottom line: that app has been hell for everyone genuinely there is no bright side to it other than dcc makes money out of it. and there's better ways to make money :))))))))

anyway this is over 1k words atp and somehow I feel like this all just the tip of the iceberg and I probably have forgotten many things bc tbh in the past year I've just. been trying to make peace with it all and just accept things for what they are because dc have been really special to me for such a long time and I just don't want dcc's decisions to make me throw all of that away (like I almost did). I love their music, I love the members, and so I will continue to celebrate wtv right decisions dcc makes but I'm not going to pretend that they're a good company when it comes to business decisions bc they're really not

[ask-the-t-sanders-sides]

ARC ENDING: Cronus' POV

[TW: this part features talk of neglect and lack of self worth, if this triggers you, please skip this part, its not more important than your health.]

This part is connected to Logan's. read that one first.

enjoy :] <3 (you can find all the other parts on #arcend on this blog)

Logan's crying... What do i do? This is exactly why i didn't take care of Virgil, im not built for this. What am i supposed to do?

"Lo..?"

"im- im fine.. i just need a moment"

He's definitely lying, if he really was fine he wouldn't be closing his eyes to avoid crying

"are you really? You can tell me, I'll listen. You know i will."

"I- I dont know... I dont know what im feeling anymore"

"do you... Want to.. talk about it?"

I hope im doing well, i want him to understand i care about him

"i just dont know what im feeling. Ive had to suppress all emotions in order to be taken seriously- or well, attempt to be taken seriously. And then i had to suppress my sadness and anger when that didn't work, and i was only ignored and pushed out. And now-" he puts his hands out, like he's holding a big invisible bowl, "-i dont even know what feelings feel like anymore."

I wish i knew what that felt like, burning rage is probably worse than feeling nothing. It still sounds like hell, not knowing what you feel, if you feel.

"that sounds awful..."

"and ive sacrificed all that for nothing, too. Its not like its any better. They still wont listen, whenever anything happens it always ends up back in square one. There's no progress, no indication of a reason to keep trying."

I have nothing to say, ive never knew it was that bad.. i mean, i knew it was bad, he asked to FUSE with me. But i didn't know just how deep the cut was. The least i can do is keep listening.

"its frustrating, knowing im just a side character in their stories. And all I'll ever be is a support character thats only there for a moment, never my own character who's at the center of the story."

"thats not true.. you're your own main charact-"

"im not! Even in my own plot, even in my life, my WHOLE EXISTENCE, im still the side character! All i do is help Thomas! No matter what or who, IM ALWAYS JUST SUPPORT."

I place my hand on his shoulder

"Logan... Main character or not, people still care about you."

"who? Remus only cares about me because no ones cares about him, and you only care about me because i brought you back. No one cares about me."

"thats no true! I care about you, more than i care about myself.. you're THE MOST IMPORTANT side. Without you none of us would be here. You deserve to tear them to shreds, yet you choose again and again to make sure they're okay instead. You might not see it but YOU are the reason we're all still here."

Logan is speechless, but he knows im right, i hope.

"you really think so?"

"i know so."

"now come on, we both need calm down time. There's some ice cream in the freezer"

He smiles, a genuine smile. I did it. We both did it.

[zebulontheplanet]

Hi i just found your blog n i have a question.. im suspecting im intellectual disabled. Explains a lot of my life n how my brain works.. was also in some sort of special ed program when younger from kindergarten up until 4th grade n struggled with school after that. My bf believes it as well due to how he has to explain lots of things n id still not understand and he needs to walk w me in public so i dont hurt myself by running into the road when its not a good time yet. Could i say how im intellectually disabled when done lots of research n understand? Im 18 n have adhd (was diagnosed) if that helps. I dont know when i can take an iq test too

ty for ur time :]

Hi anon! This is a really good question.

Generally the ID community agrees that people shouldnt self diagnose an intellectual disability.

This is because ID overlaps with a LOT of disorders and can look like a lot of things. Like autism, learning disabilities, brain damage, etc etc.

ID is a complicated disorder. It isn’t something that anyone really wants to have, and because of how complicated it is to have, it generally isn’t something that is self diagnosable.

Because there are different levels of intellectual disability, it’s really hard to self diagnose what exactly you have too and what your IQ is at. For example there is borderline ID, mild ID, moderate ID, severe ID, and profound ID.

If you don’t know what your IQ is, then how are you supposed to know which one you have? You can’t just pick and choose what looks the best for you. They all have unique characteristics of how they affect you. This is figured out through testing.

My say is to not self diagnose and ask for a referral to a neuropsych from your PCP when possible. You could also go through Vocational rehabilitation if you’re in the US. They test for free usually! If you’re genuinely concerned about you having an intellectual disability then that’s ok, you can have that in the back of your mind. However, self diagnosing it isn’t something you should do.

Intellectual disability looks different on everyone. Not one person with an intellectual disability is affected the same or looks the same. So it’s even more impossible to pinpoint if you have an intellectual disability by yourself.

It’s also worth mentioning that if you can, look into your past test records from when you were in special education. Usually testing is done to determine where you are and if you have any disorders, so you might be able to find something there.

I hope this helps, I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to hear but it is true. I hope this clears some things up and if you have anymore questions then let me know!

[cptn-merica]

thoughts on peggy carter

i think my biggest issue with peggy carter is marvel is trying to push agendas and pander to audiences as a cop out for formulating a dynamic character. it's obvious she's supposed to be a feminist icon. that's totally cool. i appreciated that as a kid, since i was sick of women being portrayed as weak. the way i see it, peggy suffers from weak portrayal, not portrayal that she's weak.

--

before the peggy fans comment/reblog, "omg not another stucky blog posting peggy hate. leave her alone!!" i don't hate peggy, I just want a clearer picture of who she is. i enjoyed her in the mcu but i wish marvel would've given her justice within the writing. this isn't hate for hayley atwell either. she did really good in her acting, enough so i watched more movies with her in it intentionally.

--

peggy always read to me as a half-developed side character -- no matter if she's the main character. my one of my biggest complaints is that she seems to have little to no motive. motive is what drives people and your main character having consistently unclear motives is sloppy writing.

helping steve? sure, she's his commanding officer and she seemed to like him.

"win the war"? well sure, that was a lot of other people's motives in ww2. why did she even join the war anyways? what convinced her to sign up? she didn't have to, she could've done other work. what was so compelling about the war to her?

for the what if episode: why'd she choose to take the super serum?

my point here is: there are too many points where one questions why she did ___ that could have been better defined (esp in the what if series).

--

marvel can make her much more interesting (and to me appealing) character by not putting her in comparison to steve. they would be forced to solidify her character instead of wimping out and saying "well she's the love interest." I'm not saying that she can't have both a relationship and be a strong woman - many women have/are both. however, when your entire personality depends on your relationship to one person, it's not very healthy or wise.

the concept of marvel pushing for steve and peggy's relationship is fine, that's how romance novels are made. but the lax follow-through on character development removes my interest for the ship. how good romance novels bring interest to each character is by establishing them. they also used peggy as way to pander for chris evans himself - she was an easy way to get steve rogers out of upcoming plot lines. (side note: chris evans is totally justified in not wanting to work for marvel anymore, they just should've handled his character's ending less sloppily)

as for the ship - i would see more value in the steve x peggy ship if i could tell what type of person peggy is. especially when you take away steve. i see value and interest in steve and bucky because, even though bucky was made as a sidekick to steve, he has a strong character. would i want to see him even more fleshed out? yeah, ofc. would i say he's more fleshed out than peggy? yes, because in one movie you can tell who bucky is and why he's doing things. i see why people ship steve and peggy, and I see why people ship steve and bucky. both stances are valid.

i haven't seen it yet nor i do know if i will watch it due to personal time and budget constraints, but i hope that the agent carter series strengthens her character.

ultimately, peggy is the victim of poor and sexist writing.

(note:: this is my personal opinion & analysis, based on the first two cap movies and the what if series. im not speaking for anyone but myself. if you feel like her character is rich enough and you're satisfied by her portrayals, that's great, I just wanted to share my stance. again, i don't hate peggy, I just want a clearer picture of who she is and why she does what she does)

[eldritch-spouse]

Hi, Spooky Anon here

I got a couple things to say

A. OMG MERVIN HAS BUMPED HIS WAY UP MY FAVORITE CHARTS (not above Obie or Fank-E yet, but definitely above some of my other favs such as Zizz or Ivani) CAUSE LIKE

I ALREADY LOVE GOTH BFS. AND DEMON GOTH BFS ARE EVEN BETTER. BUT HE’LL HELP ME EXPAND MY KNOWLEDGE IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE???? OMG OMG OMG IM SORRY I LOVE HIM

2. I’ve been cursed with the mental image of Emo Livius (as I am very into alternative culture and. )

3. Just a little question, what would the afterlife be like for anyone who didn’t have a super traumatizing death? Like say they died of old age surrounded by family. Would it be nothingness? Typical heaven or hell thing? Something else that I can’t think of at the moment cause my brain is fried?

Anyways, there’s all the shit going on in my brain, once again sorry if I’m annoying I just like this blog

[That's cute.]

3)

I never really talked about the "afterlife" as a concept.

Make no mistake, Heaven and Hell are not locations you'll pop up in upon death, they're just separate annexes to Earth.

When you die, your soul is supposed to go directly to Limbo, wherein it's stored usually for quite a while and awaits treatment at the hands of Dorem before being sent off again, to occupy a husk upon birth.

That's not always what happens, as the overwhelming amount of souls that exist currently mean Dorem is terribly overworked, and he's constantly having to "make space" as a result of such. Most "old" souls (who have inhabited several husks) are hard to treat and have lost much of their glow, so he takes to consuming them. Dorem also just... Eats souls in general. So you could technically perish as a whole.

Contact with the dead results in attempts to summon one's soul, this used to be upsetting to Dorem because it meant one would be out of place, therefore disrupting his perfect work flow. Not anymore, he stopped giving a shit. Oh you're contacting the dead instead of letting them rest? Fine, he hopes said soul takes its frustration and confusion out on you. That'll be a fine lesson.

When a death is extremely traumatic or there's too much turmoil in a soul, it refuses to leave, thus creating your many many breeds of undead that Dorem likens to pieces of shit on the sidewalk.

[hearts401]

could you tell us more about swap! mike if you have the time he’s so important to me….

(also your art is so good. and your fics. like you are so so talented and you’re super funny as well and I love ur blog sm have an incredible day 🫶🫶🫶🫶)

WAAAH IM GLAD U LIKE HIM he's so special to me too

Im thinking of things i might not have shared already BUT ill also just drop a rundown of what happened bc i think some stuff has changed since last time i told it

basically mikes 10th or 11th (havent decided yet) birthday rolls around and hes messing w his friends and they lock him out as a joke. mildly annoyed, he just goes around to the back but finds he doesnt have his father's key with him like he's supposed to. luckily, william is there! and. stabs him. charlie dies shortly after in the bite, the missing kids (including mikes old friend sammy who was NOT involved in the party incident) all die (cassidys not in this au btw lol sammys toysnhk) and then sees evan get killed by circus baby. this whole time he's dragging them back because he wants revenge on his father, however sammy doesnt need dragging. he accepts michaels offer immediately. In fnaf 2, the security guard is the chica bully (who i have yet to name and fun fact she's transgenderrr mtf) and mike sends mangle after her while distracting her. she gets bite of 87ed. Michael chases henry into the fredbear suit and kills him, applauds evan for killing elizabeth before ditching him when he explains that he brought her back via remnant, and targets her and henry for the entirety of fnaf 6 before being caught in lefty and stopped for one night despairing over being trapped and shocked. buuut he returns the next night with a VENGANCE. he also joins sammy torturing will down in ucn.

NOW FOR THE NEW STUFF

He's way younger than teen mike but he does still have a habit of lashing out especially at evan. however when he sees everyone die that lessens a bit, and he often worries about evan stuck down there in the bunker, since hes the only spirit michael cant keep an eye on. they are, after all, under his protection. thats not to say charlie doesnt take that role, and she takes it much more seriously. they are TRULY under her protection and she is a lot kinder than michael is. but ill ramble about her some other time lol. when evan scoops liz and is kicked out of ennard, michael is ecstatic! his brother is back and they dont have to worry about elizabeth getting involved anymore! until evan reluctantly explains that liz is not dead for good. michael is upset with him, and evan defends her, saying its not fair that she has to suffer for what their father did and INSISTS that she wasnt actually working for william. but mike doesnt buy it and waves evan off. he cares about him, sure, but hes not exceptionally worried, and now evans pissed him off.

later, when henry goes to the saferoom and michael kills him, charlie and sammy are incredibly upset. they both defend henry, and michael ends up ditching them and turning the missing kids against them. because sammy chose this life to get rid of will, and charlie wasnt even murdered, so CLEARLY they have no say in this. (mikes just a bully and also second oldest only to sammy)

but then the missing kids move on and michael stays behind. because hes not done yet! hisdads still here! and everyone left him and hes soooo pissed because all thats left is charlie, sammy, evan, and henry. (oh and molten freddy) and hes just!!! ARGH!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!! and uaufhuh

[pap-da-coconut]

hi! have you moved to a different blog or are you just not posting anymore? :)

Hello! uh.. yeah, i have to come clean: I've kind of abandoned Tumblr right now - just... not because I wanted to.

Ok sorry this might be a bit of a infodump - probably not what you wanted but anyway.

I kinda fucked everything up, huh? It all started with some mental health issues, which then spiralled into shame because I didn't respond to so many lovely asks. So I started avoiding opening Tumblr completely. (good idea yes)

And then I had to start preparing for my uni entrance exams, making my portfolio and such. Then the second rounds of entrance exams (which take three gruelling days). All this time I've spent thinking about Tumblr and I was horribly ashamed.

And when i finally thought i could return and... fix (?) things I've realised that i've yet to graduate high school, which. uh ohs. i haven't done anything for that + our teachers just straight up abandoned us in this one so its kind of a... DIY process and i'm. breaking down.

ANYWAY! I'm supposed to have the speaking exams (the final part) on the 17th of May and THEN. THEN i'm gonna be FREE of this GODDAMNED INSTITUION (which lowkey is one of the things that ruined my mental health in the first place) and then I want to start posting again. for real this time. I just hope that they'll let me pass (even if solely on the basis of having straight As all 8 years XD).

I apologise to all of you who have sent asks and din't get a response. I do appreciate it and I love all of you but sometimes I'm just a dumb brick that can't deal even w simple things.

And lastly, thank you anon for sending this ask, which broke through my massive wall of shame and finally forced me to..god, to open this site after like half a year? sfgfhd oh no im so sorry fhghm

[inpursuitofmeaning]

March 13th, 2024

4:02 PM Sat in Starbucks (shocker). Sandwich in my bag, hot chocolate (from home, ironically) in my belly. Emotionally draining day for reasons that I can't speak into the void, but Korean waits for no one! Currently studying some irregular verb conjugations, while people-watching outside. I saw some people sat on the university sign. They looked like they had just finished a run. I like to run too. I wish they knew that. I could tell them "hey, I like to run" and they'd said "cool, me too" and id say "want to run at a similar pace to the same meaningless bench and back sometime?" and they'd say "cool". I could make running friends.

I am proud of myself for going to the gym this morning - but I am craving a bit more. Since I retired from varsity athletics I've taken a break from being active consistently, under the guise of "I dont need to prove myself anymore" and "Im re-buildling my relationship with sport". But I still crave more.

More adventure, the gravel roads I once roamed. Truth is, I've been scared to ride into Gatneau park from Ottawa. Too nervous. Yet I say I want to bike across Africa, across the world. For the last several years it has stopped me. How am I supposed to be the metaphorical lovechild of James Bond, Indiana Jones, and Lara Croft if I can't even control my nerves enough to adventure across the boarder? Right then, as my dad would say "book your ideas up". Enough staring at the roads on google maps, studying their ever nuance. Enough checking other peoples rides on Strava and wallowing in self pity.

I am the only thing getting in my way. The city makes me nervous, and I crave the comfort of the quiet roads I know. I used to explore those on my own, trying out new routes. Why is this any different? I guess it's a little different knowing I'll see other people. Being lost on your own is one thing, but being lost with hundreds of other cyclists around you is another. Okay - it's decided. I will go this weekend. I will get up nice and early and try it out. Im scared, but now I've put this thought into the void; I can't back out because I can't let the void down! I just have to imagine that David Beckham is reading this. If David Beckham thinks I am going on a bike ride - then I have to go. I can't back out knowing David Beckham has a perception of me. Backing down is not the Mancinaun way! Thank you for listening, void. From this adventure, you might get a more interesting blog post. Right then—now that that's sorted—I have to go and do some Korean. I don't want to let down Jamie! Speaking of, she loves soccer. "Manchester?! Do you know Jesse Lingard?" she says with glee. Of course! I proclaim. He plays in Korean now!" We spoke for a third of the lesson. I booked five more lessons.

[sajaffery]

..3....

there has to be a better title availible then that? I have to continue the series I suppose but i’m not officially blocked anymore. i dont think i am. i’m writing everyday, its shit, but its still writing. so im not a blocked writer anymore I’m just a shit writer now. its still progress if you ask me, eventually i’ll progress to being a mediocre writer and then i’ll die. because everyone dies and because the next step up is a good writer and to predict myself becoming a great writer would be immodest and i’m nothing if not modest. i broke another rule didnt i. i promised to write one of these everyday and i havent. this is my first...post (yech) in a week nearly. maybe two weeks. I cant remember now, i would have to go back to the old posts and then i would have broken two rules. technically the first one isnt a rule. it was a promise I guess. a mission statement if you think i’m a ponce, which you probably do, but if you do then you wont have reached this part yet, you would have clicked onto something else by now, in which case fuck you (dont worry its only there for dramatic effect), even though i dont blame you i can still hate you. i dont really, i just wanted to get rid of you and if you havent clicked off by now you will definietely will now. if you havent then youre just a glutton for punishment in which case welcome brother! have seat, let me get you a drink because we are gonna get along just fine. I’m adding hastags onto this so we’ll be able to find more people just like us, S&M seems to be a popular tag but i wont be adding that, i have enough weirdos following me who only seem to be intrested in half naked man. sorry new message from tumblr. i have no followers. awsome! i am so glad, freedom at last! i can finally be myself. i can finally let go and speak my mind. its so easy to say that but if i really think about it it can be exteremely confusing because it will essentially depend on where my mind is at that particular moment becuase there will be times i will just feel like screaming and shouting at and everything and everyone (which will be no one since it is the only time i wll truly let this happen) and other times there will essentially be no noticable change in me at all. except my clothes will come off ofcourse. of course! who in their right mind would possibly choose to remain clothed if they didnt have to. i totally understand people who move to naked communes and choose to spend the rest of their lives with all their bits hanging out. clothes are just another form of prison arnt they? a confinement designed to make you self concious of yourr real self. to hold you in and keep you hidden from the real word. why havent i moved to a naked commune uet? its fair questuon there are plenty of them around arnt there? atleast i think there are, thats certainly the impression television gives you. everyother person seems to be oving to a naked comune in bad movies and rubbish television shows. i dont wwatch bad movies and rubbish tv mind you, i just like keeping up with whats happening. sort ofna of like a cautionary....oh shit shit fuck fuck fuckity mutherfucker! my fucking laptopn just froze so i had to hold on kickeing and screaming to my train of thought in the fear that i might losee it have nothing to talk to you about, like that i bit i just wrote a little while ago about the state of your mind and when youll see a difference while letting go. that was so boring, i apologise for that, i wish i could delete it, but i cant ofcourse, see previous posts for details as to why, i wish there was a way to just put up a cautionary sign when you come onto this......webpage...(it is not a blog mutherfucker!) oh comon! my fucking laptop keeps freezing.

[kousukenao]

Sigh we're outside bois

Welp we're sleeping outside again tonight bois. It's Jun 12, 11:47pm. I'm on a family members deck in their backyard. So on safe property. Just no access to the inside.

Three different people blew me off earlier this evening with me trying to find a space to be inside of for a little while. But thankfully I dressed in just enough layers. I'm not exactly warm, but I'm definitely not freezing.

Feels weird updating you guys like this. I know no one actually rewards this blog, but it's me keeping a record just in case someone happens to be curious. I don't want to die in this world without at least leaving my true thoughts somewhere. And that's what this blog is. I like the fit I have on! I feel like I look cool lol, even though I'm dressed for the weather/survival.

My chronic pain is bothering me, as expected. It's been raining on and off and it's supposed to continue to do so throughout the night. Currently my knees are cold to the touch and my left sciatic nerve is acting up. I don't have hand warmers, but I do have cover from the rain under a deck umbrella. And Ive been tubing my sleeves to keep my finger tips from feeling too nipped. And friction is our friend for knee warming.

I called my dad. Gave him insight on my current situation. He's concerned for me, but happy to hear from me. My Best Friend from highschool has been trying to encourage me to find a space with walls, but alas. Other people didn't answer the phone.

the 'friend' (and I say this tentatively) that I've made here in the city has been extremely distant socially. I'm guessing my state of need/existence seems to burdensome to deal with because she keeps sending me off.

I knew it was a 'no' based off her language and implications, but I really would've preferred a direct no. Putting the onus on roommates that are unavailable yet are most likely not to mind a single night is pretty annoying, but it's also not my business. I don't know what's transpired over there or how any of them feel about me anymore. I haven't seen them in months because of well, social distancing. Idk.

I'm tired of people letting me know I'm overwhelming or a burden to them. I'm trying my best, but I know I need to do better. And until then I shouldn't try to deal with people that don't have my best interest in mind. It hurts, knowing you're not a priority, and knowing you can't ask to be one without argument either. (They're also dealing with a lot themselves... But still, direct communication please)

I've been listening to music to stay calm.. my dad reminded me to try not to call too much attention to myself. (In case of arrest). Which makes sense; lately I've been more focused on using my Bluetooth to establish presence, and keep weirdos away. But being incognito is something I should remaster in my current form of existence. I also started practicing my stance again. Just so if I do end up in a fight, I'm prepared to defend myself. When it comes to exerting force energy it feels different from maintaining stamina. I get tired quicker of course, im no longer used to the motions. But as I continue, I will strengthen myself.

Something nice that happened is that I was blessed to witness a mama skunk and her babies crossing through the backyard!!! The babies are SO CUTE. And now I have to name moms cuz I've been seeing her out on my wake and bakes and night tokes for a couple years now lol. Maybe I'll make sonas/Giginkas for them. (No I didn't get sprayed lol, I kept a healthy distance)

Well that's pretty much it on the current status report. (Of course a shit ton of other stuff is happening, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet. It's... Saddening to see how one's abuse is simply an annoyance and inconvenience to others, rather than a problem to be addressed. But I have to get better at addressing these matters myself, and also stay out of such situations in the future as much as possible)

I hope you guys are also staying safe this rainy evening. Imma toke up the rest of this joint to help my back pain. Love you, find rest, and live well!

- Kousuke Nao

[asking-jude]

Eyy just stumbled across this blog

Im kind of really having a hard time right now and it’s doing a number on me since it’s pretty much entirely my own fault that situation happened

Im in a relationship and love and care for my boyfriend dearly, yet I’m also in love with my best friend. And I know I’ll be judged harshly for that, rightfully so… but I really just need advice on what to do.

We were friends for years and there were no romantic undertones. But we’ve been sent on a four month work trip abroad together a few months ago. I didn’t see my bf that whole time, I didn’t know anyone but my best friend where we were and we pretty much saw eachother every single day. In the end we came too close and eventually both admitted we had developed feelings.

Though the story doesn’t end there unfortunately. He wants to be a priest and ultimately decided even if I left my partner there couldn’t be more between us. I was kind of relieved he made that decision for me because I genuinely love both and having to choose one over the other would’ve been extremely hurtful.

Even though we decided it shouldn’t lead anywhere we ultimately became intimate and that’s where the problems really started. Obviously we both felt extremely guilty about it, it was a back and forth for a while, changing initiator basically on a daily basis breaking our word over and over again.

Now recently we had a big fight over the whole situation. I told him I didn’t want the back and forth anymore but he insisted he wanted to stay friends, just without the intimacy. He said that multiple times before though and then still initiated it again, though sometimes it was me too. I lashed out and told him right, either we commit to being shit people and continue being intimate (he’ll be gone in a year anyways to start his novitiate) or we just don’t meet anymore at all, since it’s been proven time and time again if we do see each other we can’t let it be (though that’s not really an option since we work together, on the same project even so really not seeing each other would require me to quit my job)…

It basically continued to escalate like that, him accusing me of making him choose between me and god and me accusing him of using me when he’s horny but seeing me only as an evil temptation instead of a friend, being a hypocrite and twisting his morals and beliefs to his needs. In the end he said he doesn’t want that discussion anymore and if I don’t want to be friends anymore so be it, I said that’s not what I wanted but what are we supposed to do if we can’t keep it from happening…

I wrote him a message the next day apologizing for the ultimatum and agreeing that one doesn’t learn self control by just avoiding challenging situations and that I’d be okay to try again and call each other out when one tries to initiate.

He wasn’t having it though and told me he doesn’t have time for that shit anymore… we’ll see each other again at work in a few days and haven’t talked since the fight.

I feel like I’m the most horribly disgusting person on the planet. I hurt my friend who was there in the most difficult times for me. I betrayed my boyfriend who is the most loving and caring partner I could think of. All because I’m an impulsive slut. I don’t know what to do, I’m haunted by nightmares. I thought about telling my boyfriend the whole thing but I can’t even imagine how much it would hurt him. Im in a spiral of self hatred thinking it would probably be best for all of I just fucked off to nowhere or killed myself. So yea any input would be greatly appreciated :(

Hey there,

I appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us. I want to say that I understand how hard this must be for you to deal with. Romantic feelings are tricky and intense, especially when they develop unexpectedly. It’s understandable that your conflicting romantic feelings are causing you so much stress. It’s not unusual for people to go through something like this, especially when put in very vulnerable and intimate situations with other people. 

Before I dive into your ask, I just want to say that if you're have any thoughts of suicide. Please, call your country's suicide hot-line or simply the emergency services. Here's a list of suicide hot-lines for every country: https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/.

I see that you’re struggling with feelings of guilt and shame, so before anything, I want to let you know that you don’t have to feel like these thoughts are your fault; it’s not always easy to control our attraction for other people. I also want to tell you that you are not a “disgusting person” or an “impulsive slut." You made a mistake, but that doesn't define who you are as a person. It’s possible to learn from these mistakes and make amends with the people you may feel you’ve wronged.

The first steps in doing this are to acknowledge what has happened and take accountability for the role you played. Being truthful and honest with yourself is crucial in moving forward and finding a resolution that works for you. It's not easy to admit when we've made a mistake, but it's an important step toward making things right. 

If you’re interested, this article and video may help you work on taking accountability in any situation: https://tinyurl.com/mu77bfxx. 

Taking responsibility for your actions and communicating openly about how your intentions were never meant to hurt anyone can help to rebuild trust and repair any damage done. Regarding your boyfriend, telling him about what happened is ultimately up to you. You may be feeling like telling your boyfriend will just hurt him and only cause more pain for the two of you. I want to let you know that while we can’t predict how he’ll respond, being honest with your partner shows him that you are willing to be accountable for your mistakes.

You mentioned that you enjoy being in this relationship, so I would urge you to first consider whether or not you want this relationship to continue. Spend some time alone and think about what you want in a relationship. Can you imagine a future with your boyfriend that you would be happy with regardless of the decision you make about telling him? Do you think not telling him is fair to him? Weigh the potential consequences and decide what is best for you and your relationship. 

It's natural to feel lost and unsure of what to do next. These articles are meant to offer some help to those in situations like yours: https://tinyurl.com/bdv3yykt; https://tinyurl.com/5brvc82c. 

If you do decide to tell your boyfriend, it is important to be honest and direct. Choose a time and place where you can have an honest and private conversation. Be prepared for his reaction, and give him space to process his feelings. Try not to anticipate his response as this will only cause you more stress and may make you want to procrastinate telling him even more. Telling him may allow you to move forward with the relationship, but most importantly, you’ll gain a lot more peace of mind. 

Communication is a key aspect of any healthy relationship, but it's not always easy to do effectively. If you find yourself needing help with communicating, these articles may provide you with some guidance: https://tinyurl.com/bded43sp; https://tinyurl.com/4us49v8r.

As for you and your friend, it definitely sounds like a very difficult situation that you both have found yourselves in. It's understandable that you have developed feelings for each other after spending so much time together, but it's important to consider the impact of continuing any type of relationship with him. It sounds like he has made his decision about his path in life, and it's important to respect that aspect of this situation. It’s great that you’re seeing a silver lining in his religious journey of “making the decision," but remember that you always have a choice about what you want and need in your own life and relationships. He seems to be responding to your attempts to communicate in a way that comes off as dismissive and mean. Most likely,  he is just as conflicted by this situation as you are, but you deserve a friend who can communicate with you respectfully and compassionately. While it's natural for emotions to run high in a situation like this, it's not okay for him to treat you in a way that makes you feel so guilty. Know that the responsibility falls equally on him, as well, and you deserve someone who can work through this with you. Consider whether or not this is someone worth maintaining a relationship with. If you decide to maintain the friendship, consider having a conversation with him about how his behavior has made you feel and setting boundaries for how you want to be treated.

This article provides useful signs to consider when deciding whether to be friends with someone you’ve been in a romantic relationship with: https://tinyurl.com/2p8dydbm. 

This post also offers some very important signs it may be time to end a relationship/friendship with someone: https://socialself.com/blog/when-stop-being-friends/. 

I can only imagine how you must feel to have to work with your friend. I understand that quitting your job may not be an option for you. In this case, you may need to find ways to cope with the situation at work and maintain professional boundaries with him. This could involve minimizing your interactions with him outside of your project and being clear about your expectations for how you want to be treated in the workplace. Do you two work on this project alone or are there other colleagues involved? Reaching out to other coworkers and collaborating with them on the project could help to limit your interactions with him. Do you know when exactly in his future he’d like to start his new career path? If this is something you don’t think you can handle, it may be helpful to review your job’s policies and HR resources if you are feeling uncomfortable in any way. Remember to prioritize your own well-being and emotional health in this situation. 

Dealing with such a complex situation can be hard, especially in the workplace. Fortunately, there are resources to help navigate through these situations. These articles offer strategies for dealing with difficult emotions and personal relationships at work: https://tinyurl.com/5n6t75mr; https://www.mindtools.com/amqbd0e/managing-your-emotions-at-work 

If you can, try seeking support from a trusted friend or counselor, as well. This can help to process your feelings about this situation and develop coping strategies. If this is something you’d be interested in, these are great resources for finding therapists in your area: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/couples-counseling; https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Don’t forget we’re always here to help, as well; if you ever need more help, don’t hesitate to reach out again! Asking Jude also provides pay-what-you-want, remote peer counseling; to find out more, e-mail jude@askingjude.org.

I hope I was able to help you out a little more. Always be kind to yourself and remember to take your time before making any important decisions. 

Take care of yourself,

Mikayla

[until-things-get-better]

i keep having dreams about darby (i used to code their name as 'her' on this blog but they are literally nonbinary and go by theythem now so that doesn't work) and it's making me so miserable,,, when i wake up i feel so much warmth and happiness leave my body and it hurts everything,, i hate what happened and i want to explain things but they are probably never coming back, i don't even know if they love me anymore, i don't know how you could love someone as confused and afraid as me,. i made so many stupid requests out of things that my ex traumatized me about, things that i needed help with but shouldn't have asked for// like being terrified of my phone aand sometimes being just being frozen and unhelpable,,,, and i had a friend that was being really manipulative,,, it's SO HARD to just mute idiots in my life,,/ i still hear stupid things my ex yelled at me for, i still think of the advice that friend gave me when i was trying to be a good friend for darby, i wish i could've just muted all of the noises and kept one of my favorite people in my life :(

i don't know if you'll ever talk to me again, iiim crying again right now because that seems so real//// you might never be in my life again and yet i keep dreaming about you,,, i dreamed we were in japan together for the first time and we were running around buildings talking about things we wanted to see and games we liked,,,, we went into a super cute building we were supposed to stay at and it started flooding in this weird tunnel system under the building. water was rushing all around us and we were scared and holding hands and trying to figure out what to do and i ran and found the room and everything was super peaceful. ii rremember hugging you and being exhausted and falling right asleep next to you and//// it haas always always been my dream to fall asleep next to you ,, and maybe you just think im a loser nowadays and maybe you don't love me and maybe all of this is lost and will never be heard,, but i ran around with you in a new place and was so happy. you kept holding my hand and pulling on it to get my attention when i was looking around at japan and i felt this intense warmth that never went away. things in the dream got really random at the end, like i accidentally brought weed and was freaking out about that for a long while, i was about to reconvene with you when the dream ended and i felt all of that hope wash out of my body. i just dont have that warmth and happiness that i did when i was next to you anymore,,, i looked forward to a moment we could spend together every month and maybe that's pathetic but you made me happier than anything else in my life :(

today im doing okay. i have some games i really like and im trying to finish making a game and squarsh is a good friend and that friend group is a great community for me. i was really close to them last year but i just. it feels like you are in my dreams 3x a week or more and it's happened intermittently for years////. iii miss you and nothing made me happier than you and i don't care how pathetic that is,,,. you seemed happy too when we could spend time together, iii wish we could be happy together. i wish i could've just tuned that person out and never listened to her telling me that you were trying to manipulate me. i wish i wasn't so easily taken advantage of, i wish i haven't been abused so many times and therefore untrustworthy and scared////// // i wish i wasn't this broken person, this painful lost person,,,, i loved you and my trauma made me listen to advice i never should have,,, i love you so much and i hate what my mind has done. i love you and i don't know what to do anymore, i loved your identity, you were so nice and so much more understanding than anybody else of my suffering. tthat i sometimes went out and cried in the bathroom and needed help////// that i wanted to be hugged and cry with you///// i don't think anybody else has ever made my heart feel understood like this,,,