#im not even pretending to be impartial

[i-identify-tanks-in-posts]

Tank Man, official Leo 2A8 renders dropped!

https://x.com/ryszardjonski/status/1801657378506510669

https://esut.de/2024/06/fachbeitraege/50591/kampfpanzer-leopard-2-faehigkeitsforderungen-und-systembestimmende-randbedingungen/

Fuck yeah, just look at it.

That's a fucking sci-fi tank right there. The Leo 2A8 is coming from the future to blow you a new asshole.

Fuck yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

[ritzcuit]

it's no secret that i am a massive fan of spirit of justice, except more specifically, i am a massive fan of datz are'bal, and More specifically, i'm a fan of datz's relationship with dhurke, which i widely have to extrapolate from context clues bc this game hates me. so i often reread the transcripts, of 6-3 and 6-5, to reflect upon the nature of datz are'bal.

well... the way he talks abt dhurke drives me crazy mostly. and i wanted to compile all the freak moments where he yaps about dhurke and the kids. Plus some random extra bits... think of it like a dhurkedatz manifesto, if you want

screenshots using the ace attorney wikia transcript. soj spoilers ahead. Obviously

we have to start midway through the third case, 'cause up until this point datz had brain damage. anyway "brother in arms" gay. "just like you!" gay. Ok not that gay. but it demonstrates datz's entire purpose for being in this game, "im going to tell you about dhurke sahdmadhi in great detail"

oh god It's starting. this is from inspecting the board of photos in the defiant dragons' office.. sorry i forgot datz's other purpose for being in this game, "i'm going to tell you about dhurke sahdmadhi's kids in great detail." i cant. hes so. endlknfgdf

just all this yapping for no reason. it's like a guy showing you photos of his kids in his wallet. Yeah he went to school to study revolution^_^ being close enough to that family to know how much yuty looked up to dhurke is so... to know yuty's motivations... why do you know all this, datz?! do you think he would help yuty study for law school 🥺well dhurke definitely did too, but like...what if both of them helped 🥺

"dhurke's been beside himself" as if datz didn't just wistfully reminisce about how yuty used to be the pride of the dragons. you are NOT an impartial party my man! "we all thought! we were sure...!" it makes me wonder how many other rebels would know that dhurke was torn up over losing his son like this. he puts on a strong face, right, like everyone in ace attorney... but datz is at least close enough to see him struggling with it. like come awn

just more yapping. mind you, datz is currently pretending to be abandoning the revolution right now (though you probably can interact with this afterwards, when he gives up on that). but still. pov you went to a defector to get info on the defiant dragons, but all he's doing is talking about their leader's sons for no damn reason

BC IT'S THE LIKE. EAGERNESS. THAT GETS ME. he knew those kids and by god he is going to tell you about them 😭

inspecting the old sign........... it brings to mind a datz who used to hang around in dhurke's old office with him, like maya does phoenix, just being in his business for no good reason. young 20 somethings with the whole world open to them. "this place has seen better days" and i know damn well datz was seeing them too! Gay

talking to datz directly, this is under "dhurke the attorney" and the fanboying Begins in earnest. again, theoretically, he is pretending to defect from the dragons right now. it's like he was fucking vibrating waiting for phoenix to ask him about his best friend. "he was a force to be reckoned with! he was a juggernaut, as mighty as a dragon!" YOU! ARE! GAY! just geeking out over how cool dhurke was for NO REASON

STOP

Like i cannot express how much of a fucking geek he sounds like right here. "oh i'm defecting from the dragons cus dhurke is a traitorous snake. Anyway he's SO FUCKING COOL :)" he literally sounds awestruck. He would never surrender... sparkling eyes... EW

while breaking datz's psyche locks. gay

i dont even have anything to say. "that look in your eyes... it's just like dhurke's" Yeah i bet you pay attention to what dhurke's eye looks like you little freak. i bet dhurke said something rly cool in court one time and you fell in love with him then and there. Ewwwww Throws hammers. also i just like these lines it's very badass of him. datz said ok ill die for the dragons idgaf and phoenix said IGAF VERY MUCH PERSONALLY I LOVE NOT DYING

pff

later on, after all topics were cleared, datz exposition dumps some more. nothing actually that interesting but "dhurke was framed, i'm telling ya!" is sooo cute to me. it makes me wonder how many rebels do still think dhurke's guilty, but are critical of the ga'ranian regime for other reasons. probably a lot, right? thinking about datz defending dhurke's innocence to other dragons, but then dhurke's like... datz it's fine if they think i'm guilty, so long as they still agree with our cause. it isn't about me it's about the greater good of khura'in. and datz is like. OK BUT THEY'RE STILL WRONG THOUGH 😭😭

"it's like dhurke used to say" fanboy. there's no other words for it

"fangs of the defiant dragons" is an interesting thing. datz calls himself that thrice (once during the trial after he regains his memory and once later on in 6-5). i don't know what it means. LOL i even made my friend who knows japanese hunt down the original line to try and understand it, and we got nothing bc it's basically identical. it gives off the impression that He's Him, tm, he's The Guy, who does shit.. which isn't actually very dhurkedatz, but it's dhurkedatz to me. so much of dhurke IS the revolution, and the dragons. their entire relationship is through the revolution and the dragons. so it stands to reason that if datz is important to the dragons, then he's important to...?well you know

like the defiant dragon bites down and doesnt let go. it needs fangs to bite, of course.......oh the crucial datz...crying

that's basically it for 6-3, except the very end-

aw. theyre hanging out :)

cutting to 6-5 because 6-4 has nothing for us. i have dreams that 6-4 actually has datz in it somewhere and i just never checked, because there's something wrong with me

datz isn't here yet.. this is from inspecting charley, obvs. who's "we" though. you know who we is? it's datz. now. to me. it's dhurke and datz. they lost aj and then yuty ok let them have their cactus. This could also just be a lie ENDFKLNGDF But its too easy to imagine datz getting a cactus and being like "it's like aj! 'cause of it's spines!" and dhurke is Just enough of a sad lonely old man to keep it around. until it like dies i guess rip apollo

talking to dhurke under "request" gives us this. My Compatriot. god made them compatriots bc they would be unstoppable as canon lovers. my compatriot. i should smack u. THATS UR FANGS IDIOT -_- Anyway it's clear from how much datz yaps abt him, but it's nice to have confirmation that apollo remembers him too :) running around him... maybe its "running around with him"? i wouldnt know. but still...so cute..what if i cried rightnow

a whole bunch of nothing bc they're keen on hiding him from me. this is ages later while inspecting the suitcase in archie buff's house. dhurke...thats ur knucklehead...

apollo remembering enough about datz to make fun of him *wiping tear from eye*im so happy *sniffling*

talking to paul atishon, who does not matter. dhurke... hes your buffoon....

but don't worry. he's here. it's datz. everyone get excited. it's time for The Scene, of which i have actual screenshots

this is my "intellectual attraction" this is my "unnecessary feelings" my "her respect as a coworker wasn't all i wanted" orhowever that shit goes. Dhurke! You're a sight for sore eyes! it's so nothing compared to those other three, but i can't help it. I love it so much.....

i love datz being such a freak who can't calm down for 5 minutes. i love dhurke being so understated here. its so funny. he said girl calm down it's just me 😭 and datz's stupid big ass smile once he realizes it's oomf.. i knew you'd come save me!

it's worth noting that in jp, according to my friend who knows these sorts of things, "you're a sight for sore eyes" is just "My partner!" with partner being aibou, which is also used for phoenix/edgeworth, klavier/daryan, and asougi/ryuunosuke. It's too much...datz likes him so bad. get a ROOM!

theyre both so weird

if you present the founder's orb transfer agreement, you get this exchange. please...the banter. i wish we got 50000p more pages of this.

Anyway um it turns out i hit image limit ...smiles cheekily...i could replace the sight for sore eyes pics with one screenshot, but i wont, bc its that important To Me. well. ill continue this in a part 2 because there is still plenty more to be seen

[cantalooprat]

Jun You Ji Fou

What I Liked

enemies to lovers until they become enemies and lovers until the very end when they stand on the same side. the initial premise of the main cp is so tropey---chu mingyun pretends to be a cut-sleeve to probe into the plans of rival minister su shiyu, but su shiyu is the first to fall in love despite knowing it's just pretend, that they stand on opposing sides and are just using each other. even after they fall in love for real, it's hard because su shiyu doesn't know if chu mingyun's feelings are for real and also he has to prioritize the country over his own feelings, and chu mingyun also doesn't know if su shiyu is just playing along because he looks so emotionless and impartial even though su shiyu is actually the one who agonizes over things the most...

all the plot threads are tied together neatly, iirc there's nothing that the author left inconclusive? even rando one-off side chars and incidents get proper endings. overall the mystery is interesting and i love how the romance seamlessly blends into the plot, neither too fast nor too slow, at a pace that's just right.

i also rly like that chu mingyun became a tyrannical emperor ruling w an iron fist before su shiyu comes in and smooths things over. like they really complement each other, chu mingyun has the desire to change the empire for the better, and su shiyu is there to make sure he doesnt go off the deep end.

the ending made me cry im so weak to those stories where the author gives this third person view to their long life until the end. i also rly appreciate that in the author's notes it's written that they could have gone down the "retire and travel idly" ending but both chu mingyun and su shiyu are ambitious and not the type to do that and ngl i agree. some couples are just meant to rule the country while others want to live a peaceful life with their beloved, away from the eyes of the world, and chusu are the former.

special special mention to the translation in cg because the tler did a very delicate job with it, explained a bunch of poetic references and put tl notes to ambiguous parts and even callbacks to prev chapters. the story is super dense and i swear like 20% of it would go over my head if it wasn't for the tl notes.

icb its free on jj like this story is a whole banger its crazy that its free

What I Disliked

not enough sugar tbh i could have used more fluff in the extras bc there wasn't enough in the main story due to circumstances

[strawberrystepmom]

kendall if you’d be so willing..,.i’d be honored to receive a sexuality reading from you 🙏 who knows what goes on with me, but maybe you will uncover it!! 💗 my sun sign is pisces, my moon is libra, my mars is aries, my venus is aquarius and my neptune is also aquarius!!

sending you much love kendall 💗💗 i hope you’re doing well!!! 💗

cielo!!! <333 i smiled so big when i first received this notif. im really excited to show this to you and hope it resonates. sending alllll the loves right back mwah mwah mwah

Pisces sun/Aquarius venus is in my opinion, the most unconditionally loving pairing a person can have so what do you say we begin there, shall we?

The romantic, dreamy qualities of Pisces combine with the devotion and innovation of Aquarius and make a person that wants to have that fairytale fantasy love even if the fairytale isn’t quite what you read in the books. Pisces finds itself drawn to those who have had tragedy befall them. Our role in the world is to heal and people who need to do so will oftentimes seek us out. 

We relate here, sharing both sun and venus so I will say while I honestly love having an Aquarius venus/this pairing for a multitude of reasons, one of the worst things thanks to the influence of Aquarius (idk if you can relate or not so take this as a generality) is fear of commitment. If not fear of commitment then just fear of being stifled in any way at all. 

Freedom is not only a value for Aquarius but a lifestyle they prioritize maintaining. Not free as in single, loose, whatever but just free to move. To think. To be.

As loving as Aquarius placement holders are, commitment means having to be consistent - to show up, to not see the world as a playground to endlessly test the boundaries of what we all understand and accept as normal. It’s not a coincidence that a lot of Aquarius venus holders thrive in relationships that are deeply unconventional. Situationships if you have bad boundaries, rich love stories where your partner fully understands your need to detach for periods of time to think or process independently and never punishes you for it if you have good ones. 

The boundary enforcer in love here is going to be Aries. This is your placement of action where it sits on Mars and is the biggest determining factor as to  how you approach love and sex both. You are likely to be the pursuer at least to some extent. You aren’t afraid to make bold moves that attract attention but you’re gentle in these pursuits thanks to the softness of Libra moon. Where sex is concerned, you may find yourself in need of a lot of variety. Switching up positions, toying around with roles. A lot of Aries find themselves drawn to having quickies vs. regular, full blown sex because it’s spontaneous and fun. 

Pisces, drawn to be fantasized about as it is, also has heavy sway here when it comes to wish fulfillment. We can be anything our partners desire so pairing that with the active movement of Aries can create enjoyment of roleplay, playing pretend at strangers in the night…patching up a bad boy after a bad fight (hmm…..heheeheh)...helping a woman who has found herself in difficult circumstances out…just some suggestions. Not sure where they’re coming from but you knowwwww….

There are times you may get frustrated in romance, and may find yourself feeling like you’re ready to move forward with someone but the longer you sit the more indecisive you become. Tell Libra to pipe down because that’s where it’s coming from. Libra likes to have a big enough hole to exit through if necessary and avoids dipping its toe into permanent positions when it can remain diplomatic and impartial. Aquarius functions similarly, less so, so my advice here is to genuinely trust your heart.

Pisces to Pisces, our hearts don’t steer us wrong even if they take us places we would not go armed. Every lesson we’ve been led to has been one we’ve needed to learn so trust in your intuition. Lean into the sexy evasiveness of Aquarius but not to the point you’re on the run forever. Let Aries fuel you into admitting aloud to someone that you love them instead of whispering it to yourself in the dead of night.

[barbarianiswriting]

sometimes i just gotta judge people and how they interact with books. if big words scare you, learn them. if long paragraphs upsets you, find a different copy with better accessibility or read the auidobook.

and because of how simplified our language, especially the written word, has gotten, any books who use verbose exploration of the language often get sidelined. or, on the other hand, you do get pretentious motherfuckers wanting to use something to sound smart (which then perpetuates the whole "god, big words or complex phrases are so stupid, why didnt you just say x"). its just all so stupid.

with the literacy declining as it has been for generations (some being an institutionalized problem with schools and how they teach kids to read, some being a societal and media problem, and some being an apathy problem. deadly cocktail and all that), we need better books to be talked about and read more- because writers are still writing them ! ones that use "big" words appropriately and without an air of pretentiousness, more complex characters and themes. we need to step away from content and have stories be stories again. real, living and breathing stories.

and im not saying everything has to be a rich and complex stories- i love my easy and schlocky horror, people deserve their soft romances or their written porn, we all want cozy mysteries. its just i think theres been a shift in whats prioritized. and no longer are these comforts just that- comforts. theyre expected to be churned out at a ridiculous pace that leaves no room for any care or personal connections. so even our easy stories, the ones that wed go to for peace and quiet, are impersonal and a bit cold, even. hollow and meant only to be read once- maybe twice- before being shelved. the only accomplished is having has read it at all and added another book to your growing shelf. the prize isnt the story, its the number of how many youve read.

and sure, maybe i do have a pretentious streak, maybe im talking out of my fucking ass. i get that. ive never wanted to pretend my viewpoint is impartial. its not, that much is obvious. but all of it is something i think about a lot.

its just. language, writing, conversation- its all an art and people are using it like some cheap pony trick. *mishandling it. cutting it up and hollowing it out as to digest better.

*but then again- is there even such a thing as mishandling art? can someone, with the ability to write (in any capacity, doesnt have to be good), mishandle words itself? no, i dont fundamentally believe so. because i dont think any of this is an individual problem, rather an industry problem. much like how a sequel or a remake to a popular movie feels like a cash grab. these things typically arent made because the artists (writers, directors, filmmakers) want to make them. theyre told to. and even in cases where they werent told to- i believe its commonly (not always) easy to see when someone made something for the money or for the passion. thats where i think the problem really lies. and i believe because those kind of products are typically easier to consume (as theyre directly made soley to be consumed, not thought about), the audiences want more of them. and so more are churned out. i dont think the corruption lies with the consumer but rather the capitalism that infects all art mixed with the decline in ardent love for literature (and, of course, literacy)

[deathnguts]

JSJWHXJJX IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE HIM

His house is actually kind of huge, I’m glad you brought it up and kind of feel silly for forgetting lmao. He’s a ravenclaw! The first Black to ever be a ravenclaw, which is a big deal I suppose. When the hat sorted him, teachers and those who cared about pure blood drama and stuff were surprised and it kind of started a rumor about Sirius ‘cursing’ the bloodline so no Black would ever be slytherin again (factually untrue because Draco was, but it’s debated if he counts or not)

Speaking of Draco, I know you didn’t ask but, here’s how he is with his cousins!! Yippee!

Draco: he doesn’t really like Draco but Draco likes him. Romulus is a little older than him (like 1-3 years I haven’t fully decided yet ngl 😅) so he already has the age difference respect that cousins automatically give each other. Romulus thinks Draco is spoiled and overly emotional (which he is) so he annoys him but Draco is awful at reading him and doesn’t realize at all that he getting side eyed for his behavior. When they get old enough that they’re both in school is when Romulus *spells it out for him when he does something wrong and how ti be better and where Draco fights him on it a lot, he usually listens in the end.

(*Also since these are wizards and I enjoy adding accessibility into the magic system, I made up a spell that makes it so Romulus’ words can be translated into like glowing captions in front of him so he can still talk to people without them knowing sign ((his parents do though)) so that’s kind of a pun)

Luna: Romulus and Luna are ravenclaw besties and they match each others freak in the like off putting autistic child way. They understand each other in ways a lot of other people don’t and they spend a lot of time together in the ravenclaw commons and also grew up seeing each other a lot. (Romulus was homeschooled before hogwarts where Luna wasn’t so they didn’t see each other as much as they would’ve liked but still a lot)

Harry (technically): since Harry is Sirius’ godson, he’s also Romulus’ godcousin if you want to imagine Regulus and Sirius patched up their relationship (I don’t have like a ‘canon’ for that, but it’s fun to imagine either side.) on the side that they did make up then Romulus would see Harry about as much he saw Draco in childhood and kind of have similar discomfort around them as kids just because Harry is so bright and loud (we’re also pretending that Lily and James are alive because I genuinely forget they’re not sometimes) but when they’re teenagers in school together then they get along swimmingly. Romulus isn’t a prankster but he’s impartial to needless violence and has a lot of weird info and items that help mischief that help Harry but still unsettles him kind of (him and Harry are that meme where one guys like ‘I need a skull but you can’t ask what it’s for’ and Romulus gives him three options from his back pocket) And then in a world where the brothers don’t make up, pretty much the same happens except Harry is just more afraid of Romulus because he doesn’t have the previous knowledge that he’s not actually scary just quiet and off putting, but he’s a curious little guy and once he found out that Romulus was Sirius’ nephew he wanted to know him and nothing stopped him.

Erm anyway

Traits! The thing you asked for! Got it!

Barty: well there’s the obvious moral indifference to violence and their shared intelligence in strange areas. But on a smaller level, where Romulus doesn’t feel nearly as many shifting emotions as Barty does, when he does he handles them the same way Barty would. He gets annoyed at having them at all which leads to the like second hand rage just chilling beneath his skin. Romulus has a similar reputation to the one Barty had in school, like how he’s creepy and ‘violent’ even though he’s never actually hurt anyone (Barty did back in the day tho) but there’s also a ton of misconceptions about his habits. Like he smokes nettles and drinks pepperups in a flask throughout the day to maintain his energy levels and vitamin deficiencies but to anyone who doesn’t know that it looks like he day drinks and smokes weed. And when it comes to how they treat people they love, they’re also similar in that. Where Romulus is very independent by nature, he’s just as hopelessly devoted to people he loves (platonically, or romantically) as Barty is by nature. He grew up watching Barty and Regulus be in love, of course his perception of how to treat people you hold dear is kinda strange.

Regulus: most everyone who meets Romulus who knows Regulus sees their similarities immediately. They’re both quiet, reserved, intellectual, independent, hard workers, follow the rules - ok that last one is 100% not true who said that. But yeah I think the traits people attribute to them are true, but just surface level. Yes they are both quiet and reserved, but it’s so much more layered than that. They both value the same times of when to speak up but naturally feel more comfortable not being the center of attention and have confidence in how their words have the most value and who will listen to what. Yes they’re both intellectual and hard working but it’s so far beyond that, Regulus dove into dark magic to try and counteract horcruxes back in the day, and now Romulus is stepping into territory no one else has in trying to combine two forms of creation from groups of people who try to overlap as little as possible and with full confidence that not only he can but it’s simply the next step and he’s the one taking it. They have the shared hubris of a mad scientist. And on a lighter note Romulus is also a blunt, sarcastic little shit when he wants to be and he sounds just like his father.

Who’s his favorite parent? Well thats complicated.

Barty seems to be the obvious answer. His first steps were towards Barty, his first words were to Barty, and when he was a toddler and baby he wanted to be held by Barty more often than anyone else. But Romulus clings to Regulus for understanding of the world. I headcanon Regulus as autistic, so Romulus would have inherited the gene from him, so they are literally wired the same way and interpret the world in the same way. And there’s also, when Romulus thinks of what his definition of a home is, it’s Regulus who comes to mind. But when Romulus thinks do what his definition of love is, it’s Barty.

So, no, Romulus doesn’t have a favorite parent and they would never ask him to choose obviously. But they’re competitive little shits and I think there’s a pretend feud they indulge in, especially when Romulus was younger, of getting Romulus to choose them in whatever situation. But Romulus makes it a very close race because it’s almost entirely equal.

Ooh! This is unrelated but here’s him with his aunts and uncles to tie this up!

Evan: he doesn’t see Evan very often because Evan doesn’t have kids of his own from personal choice and doesn’t really want them so he’s not as good with them as he could be, but fate apparently hates him because he’s Romulus’ favorite. Evan finds him lightheartedly creepy (like the aunt who married cousin It in Addams family found Wednesday creepy in then first movie) but he loves him a lot and thinks he’s funny. And Romulus has fun freaking him out but also genuinely feels listened to by Evan so he tells him a lot of random stuff. When Evan comes over, it’s tradition that Romulus open up with a random fact about whatever he’s getting into now and Evan nods and is like ‘cool,’ which can be kind of a silly reaction to have since the fun fact can vary between ‘did you know cogs are the bumps on gears, not the smaller ones like people think’ and ‘did you know that ostriches are sexually attracted to humans’ so that’s fun. Evan sees a lot of Barty in Romulus and thinks it’s hilarious.

Pandora: Romulus likes Pandora more as he gets older because she’s also a mad scientist and he goes to her for guidance sometimes, but he did like her when he was younger too. He never really had an interest in other kids before but when Luna was born he followed Pandora around everywhere asking about her or could be found holding her for hours. And since Pandora is Luna’s mom, she’s cool by proxy. Pandora thought this was adorable and appreciated that he would be there looking out for her in school and such. Pandora sees a lot of Regulus in Romulus and thinks it’s adorable.

Sirius: again, I don’t have a ‘canon’ idea of if the brothers get along in the universe Romulus is born in but we’re making it work. If they do get along, then Romulus freaks Sirius out and Romulus doesn’t like it so they’re not especially close. If they don’t get along, then Romulus genuinely doesn’t like Sirius because he likes his dad so why doesn’t Sirius like his dad? Sirius sees Regulus in Romulus and it makes him sad because he reminds him of the little boy he grew up with.

Narcissa and Lucious: they don’t like him. They see Barty in him and they don’t like it. They think he’s a bad influence on Draco they do not like him.

Bellatrix: she likes him a lot but she’s really overbearing and loud and kind of picks on him out of habit and he’s lightheartedly afraid of her

Anway that’s as many people of interest I could think of I’m so happy you like him :3

I’d love to hear about Valentina if you wanna talk about them btw!

What would you guys say if I, hypothetically, confessed that my introduction to Bartylus as a ship was actually my own oc that was their son and literally not a day goes by where I’m not thinking about him to the point where I genuinely forgot he’s not a canon character and therefore Bartylus is also not canon because they did not canonically have him and like ten minutes ago I was drawing him and genuinely wondering why no one talks about him and now I’m very disappointed in myself for forgetting only I know he exists so of course no one talks about him

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

gojo satoru believes in fairness above justice.

the reason for this is the simple fact that fairness is impartial and justice isn’t.

gojo likes to treat the people in life fairly. he’s prone to a little favoritism but among his students and the few in his circle that he considers close, he tries to play fair.

it’s hard to believe since everything about him is so… out there. between nobara and itadori and fushiguro though, he tries his best to be impartial. and if megumi were a different kind of person, he’d probably think that’s unjust.

but that’s just how gojo is. being that overpowered, and treated the way he is - sometimes he figures it’s better to lead by example. if he were to use all his power to extend some kind of divine justice, he figures he’d be like the rest of the bozos in his field.

he tries his best to be… impartial to things. he doesn’t really show many emotions, not really. he doesn’t think he’s felt that many lately, but he smiles and laughs and acts like everything is okay even when he knows how things are. gojo believes that indifference is an unfair way to approach life, and maybe if he knew that sooner, he could’ve saved his highschool friend.

maybe then fushiguro would smile more if he could explain all this to him.

it’s fine. it’ll work out, or it won’t. either way, things will have to keep going.

one thing gojo has learned is that you are the most unfair person he’s ever met. so completely and utterly unfair gojo can hardly stand it

you’re a sorcerer, so he should probably treat you more fairly. he should probably take you on more missions and let you help him with work instead of insisting you should stay back. and he probably shouldn’t rush to your aid when you’re close to danger (which he pretends he didn’t do, every time)

but you’re unfair, plain and simple. that little laugh you do with your brow arched up and your lips a little parted - the one that makes you look a painting in a museum. the one that comes before your voice, temperate and warm, when you call his name

“satoru? you okay?”

what an inane question, but you always ask it. always mean it. always cock your head to one side with wide-eyed curiosity, so bright it could outshine the sun. even when you know he’s gonna give you the same answer. gonna give you the same, gojo satoru “better now that im seeing you” comment that always makes you flush

nothing about you is fair. not the way you let him rest his head in your lap, fingers sliding underneath his eye-mask until big blue eyes are blinking softly at you. what could be fair about how you looks so surprise, so shy as you brush his hair out of his gaze and asking him how he’s feeling. if he’s fine.

how could it be fair when you smile..? after he’s told you he’s okay and you smile like you’re elated that he’s fine. like you’re just happy he’s okay and you smile with all of your teeth. nothing is fair about the way you fluster under his gaze, or how your lips fall into a soft pout that makes him want to kiss you so fucking bad, or about the way you look like a dream he doesn’t want to wake up from.

gojo satoru likes to treat people fairly m, but he can’t with you. can’t help but want to tease you until you bubble up with frustration - is it wrong to want to be unjust to you? something about you just screams at him to play with you a little longer, let his hands linger too long on your waist.

gojo satoru can’t help but want to treat you unfairly. can’t help his desire to be unjust to you. after all, it’s your fault he’s like this anyway. why he’s dragged you away from your students and his and kisses you in some hallway away from the rest of the world. and his lips are soft and chapped and you melt into it - do that soft little whimper that breaks him out into a grin.

you whine when he stops, when he pulls back to look at you as brushes his nose with yours before kissing you again. once, then twice, then one more time until you break away with your hands on his chest.

“satoru, we’re in class!” you’ll tell him and you’ve got the sweetest frustration in your eyes. he never gets tired of it. his hands hold your hips and you frown at him.

“5 minutes,”

“you’re impossible,”

and maybe he is but it’s your fault for enticing him all day with that shirt that buttons just a little too low and for being so cute when he stares. whenever he shows interest in you and you fold like a little paper crane. he hums and kisses you.

“maybe,”

but he is. he can’t help but be. he supposes you’ll have to forgive him. he can’t bear to be anything but fair to you

[incorrectskyrimquotes]

im not even going to pretend to be impartial lmfao vote for ralof

[insecxreasalwqys]

Every time i re-read the manga, i always get so sad when reading k of diamonds. If someone would ask me what my favorite scene from the whole manga was, it would be that. It was a big part of Chishiya’s character growth, and showed that kuzuryu was a good person, deep down, even though he chose to stay. Kuzuryu believed in something, believed that all lives were created equal, he believed that, and died because of it. He died thanking chishiya for letting kuzuryu live the life he wanted to live. A life of impartiality. Like, bro, thats deep. He was someone that i believe chishiya was inspired by. He said he wanted to be a better person, because people in borderland surprisingly were, and envied the, all. Especially Kuzuryu. He wanted to be like them, to be kind, to be caring, and empathetic. To show people the care his parents never gave him. I wish you could remember the borderlands, and i wish chishiya never forgot kuzuryu. When nobody necessarily ever put up with chishiya, kuzuryu did. Im not saying not putting up with chishiya  was wrong. If someone around me had betrayed my friend or me, than i would act like that. If someone put on a face of pride (even if he really wasnt prideful, which people didnt know) and acted better than everyone else, than yeah. But kuzuryu tried to see the best in everyone (without being bias, and without pretending someone was better than they were) Thats what was amazing about him. I feel like kuzuryu had a feeling, that chishiya had a rough childhood. He never justified chishiyas horrible deeds, though. He was the opposite of chishiya. Kuzuryu was impartial, kind (in some way), and would make a sacrifice with no second thought if it was for his ideal. Well, that was kinda a lie, as he faltered when it came to chishiya, but i feel as if it was because he wasnt too sure what letting chishiya live would bring. If the point and benefit was clear, he would do it. My favorite game by far.

[mollydollyjournals]

Monday 25th January; 156lbs

I didn't check my body composition today. I just stepped on the scales and left my phone in my bedroom, which means it doesn't send info to the app. So I know that I weigh a little less than the other day, but still way too much.

Toilet tmi again. Im still really constipated and it's actually just fucking painful. The biggest issue is it's not that I haven't been eating. I always try to eat reasonably high fiber (compared to my caloric intake anyway - 8-9g fiber a day isn't much for a normal 2000kcal diet, but it is for 800kcal) and if I need more then I have some particularly high fiber stuff like pulses. Fruit and veg is a good way to go. It's been 3-4 days now so I actually have been eating a bit more to try to make it happen, including higher fiber, but still nothing. I took some stimulant lax last night and still nothing. Had yogurt and coffee and still nothing.

I have this pain in my abdomen too. I suspected some internal bleeding last week or the week before so I'm sure something is up. Just I don't know what I should do about it. I don't want to go back to the doctor and ask them to investigate something else again. I think after my liver scan and blood tests came up fine they'll think I'm lying or exaggerating. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Is it an impaction? Do I have something constructing my intestines? An ulcer? I have really bad acid reflux too. It's like my digestive system is too full and it's just not emptying. My waist feels huge. It makes me actually scared to eat for physical reasons, because if it's not stimulating my gut to move like it should be, then all I'm doing is putting more pressure on my insides.

I'm currently drinking some osmotic lax, which is all I can do. It's what you're supposed to do for impaction. I bought it specifically because I've had these problems before and you're not meant to take stimulant lax, and sometimes it'll resolve itself but it can still be painful and also it'll take longer. Osmotic lax doesn't work fast though - you have to give it a few days. During those few days I'm just reabsorbing waste matter from my intestines. Its disgusting and unhealthy. And when it finally does work, I might have the opposite problem. In the past I've been reluctant to take lax for this because I've had instances where it acted kind of like...a plug. That once it's passed, everything else goes way too fast after it. Sorry that's gross. I guess if anyone wanted more motivation to eat properly it's so your digestive system doesn't get fucked up like this. I noticed a lot of mucus not long ago so maybe the regular mucus layer got stripped and hasn't replenished. Idk.

Other than that there is family drama happening with my brother who is currently in a psych ward and my stupid mother who thinks the sun shines directly out of his anus. My entire life she's treated him like her precious baby and I've just been secondary. Maybe because she associated him with my older brother who died. Who fucking knows. But they're stressing me the fuck out and pissing me off. I keep telling her what to do and what not to do, which I get from trying to properly research his conditions and others similar and from having dealt with her when she was in a psychotic episode, and she just doesn't. She thinks if she just talks nice and loves him enough he'll get better. As if that isn't the whole reason he's a spoiled piece of shit who thought he could take all the drugs with no consequences. This probably sounds very hypocritical from an alcoholic who has trouble not drinking even after physical health problems, but there's much more to it in my brother's case that I cba to go into.

The worst part is she gives him all the attention and understanding that I want and haven't had. I've spent the last few days feeling especially lonely and invisible. I've been talking about it a bit on social media and only a couple of friends responded. Hb came up to my room and saw me crying and basically acted like an awkward dad. Bf hasn't acknowledged much of what I've posted and we still haven't spoken directly. If not for those few friends I might have done something drastic. I don't know. I need to know if I'm actually liked loved and cared for. Missed at all. Lockdown has fucked with it so much and I already had trouble with it. I feel like I need to do something big to get attention. I could just be honest about my feeling like I want to kill myself and see who responds. But I've spoken about it before and people just kind of 'haha same' if that. I don't know if they realise that I'm genuinely close to doing something, or just don't care.

I do have borderline personality disorder and I'm so aware of the stigma. I don't want to be manipulative or abusive. I want people to want to be around me, not because I forced them. I'm so scared of being needy or annoying or overbearing or anything like that. And then if I do say something, I'm already feeling really bad and struggling a lot, so for it to be ignored hurts so much. That's why I end up drinking. I already have trouble seeing my friends post about their struggles and get so much support and love offered, when I get barely any. One of my best friends also has BPD but also everyone loves her. She has a successful small business doing what she loves, if I go anywhere with her strangers stop her and compliment her or ask to take her photo but pretend I don't exist or give me a passing smile. It's not that I don't think she deserves those things or love and support. It's just that I want it too. She's one of the few people who's reached out to me recently and I really appreciate it. I guess she knows how it feels. I just wish I wasn't so jealous.

So for my brother to start saying stuff in the family group chat and my mum to just start fawning over him and all that? Just the extra salt I really didn't need in my wounds. For one thing, I told her not to play into how he is because he'll feed off the drama. I know this because of who he is, that he really is an attention seeker, and that all 3 of us have a tendency to get caught up in things. My brother and I inherit our cluster B personality traits from her. I told her not to get into it and remain impartial. She didn't. I even messaged her and my dad separately and told them that I called the hospital and asked them to check on my brother, but she hasn't given me so much as a thank you.

She's up early for work and I sleep on Mars time, so my dad is still asleep. He'll probably say something when he gets up in a few hours. It all feels backwards. He was so abusive to me growing up. He was unnecessarily strict and horrible to me all the time and kicked me out and disowned me regularly. He tore down my entire sense of self and called me stupid and made sure I realised that if I wasn't doing well it was my own fault and I wasn't trying hard enough. But now he keeps a level head and we reconnected after years of not talking because my brother and mum both had a psychotic episode at the same time a few years ago. I hated him so much but now his approval and support is worth the most. But it's the same problem again - he seems to genuinely realise now that his overly authoritarian parenting was wrong. It's just how it is in a lot of African cultures, and his father was especially abusive, so he wasn't well equipped. He's doing things differently with my younger half brother. But why couldn't it have been me? Why didn't I get to have a nice dad who acknowledges his humanity? My half brother deserves it, but why couldn't I have that while I was growing up too?

It just makes me feel really abandoned. In every situation, there's always someone else who gets what I want, and I don't. I hate my brother so much. I feel like it'd be better if he was dead. But then my mum would spiral, and I'm not really that cold, so I phoned the hospital to talk to them and get them to check on him. Phone calls make me so nervous. I was shaking. Before the call, while I made the call, and for a long time afterwards. I didn't even get acknowledged.

I want a drink.

[yandere-daydreams]

now im thinking of a yandere saving their darling from a different yandere who had become neglectful, after the darling resisting so much and the ex-yandere growing boredof them. they didnt bother letting the darling go, until the new yandere came in to save the day.

Dude, this is a little off topic, but just imagine a Yandere sorta... staging a worst-case scenario. They higher an actor, rent out a house for a few months, then kidnap their Darling (pretending to be the impartial hit-man) only to leave them with the actor, who’s just the absolute worst. Keeping you in a cold, dark basement without a real bed or any entertainment, barely feeding you and certainly not letting you care for yourself, and just... making the experience as absolutely traumatic as it can be.  

But, fortunately, your real Yandere will come save you... eventually. It might take a month or two before they decide you’re ready, but being held in the arms of someone who cares about you, spoiled and coddled at every possible opportunity... you might not even notice that you’re still being held captive, trapped in someone’s guest-room with bars on the windows and no chance of going outside. Now, you just have a more merciful captor. 

[thaumatological]

im gonnaaaa revise and post my very dirk centric analysis of the epilogues here as well

also in case it needs stating, spoilers abound!

i read through both of the epilogues simultaneously yesterday, consuming both at the same time rather than one and then the other, and i feel like while it may not have been the most “satisfying” approach from a character-centric perspective, i have a more complete understanding of the stories than those who read them separately. if you’ve read through both and have the stomach to do it again for some reason, i suggest doing it in parallel, m1 c1 m2 c2 etc.

i will warn you though, i ended up having two nightmares at the same time in my dreams last night. like, simultaneously, two separate threads of terror unraveling in my subconscious. i woke up this morning already knee deep into an analysis of the homestuck epilogues, and it was less like “waking up” and more “becoming aware that i was conscious”

anyway, without further ado!

dirk killing himself in candy 14 is the scene that resonates with us as being “dirk” because it is. that’s all dirk, our dirk, the one from homestuck. he Has to do that in order for candy to continue being candy, and part of me believes that he knew that on a conscious level—hence his death being just. he knew he wouldn’t get a nice fluffy outcome in the candy timeline because him, all of him, not just this one instance, was fated to be meat dirk.

—and speaking of, the concept of Ultimate Selves pretty much squares away meat dirk. he doesn’t read like our dirk, the one from homestuck canon, because the narrative explicitly states he’s Not anymore. he’s become all of him, all of him from across paradox space, including notable players bro, doc scratch, and lord english. dirk’s Ultimate Self is a culmination of every possible him taken to the highest intensity. it reads like one of his personal nightmares because it WAS his personal nightmare—the personal nightmare of our dirk. he’s a prince of heart. the ascension to his Ultimate Self resulted in the complete destruction of the barriers between his splinters. the more i think about it, the more brilliant it is. he seems out of character as the dirk we know and love because he isn’t.

i feel like i finally Get it, but i’m still not looking forward to seeing people who dislike dirk using this to discredit the progress he made on his personal journey (ie “see he was evil the whole time!”) nor am i looking forward to all of the “dirk would never do this! it’s ooc writing!” from people who seem to have missed the part of homestuck where what scared dirk about himself most was the undeniable truth in it. there’s more than one example of “bad dirk and/or dirk byproducts” out there in paradox space. it’s more than feeling like you “might” be bad, it’s… being afraid of what you would be if you weren’t so afraid of being it, it’s seeing things that were a result of You-but-not-you and having to stare down the fact that even if you weren’t bad, even if you didn’t, you could have, would have, did. dirk’s Ultimate Self being a nightmare scenario is ..almost a recursive throwback to his fears about his ultimate self (note capitals)

him taking control of the narrative was epic though. it honestly did not catch me off guard? it makes sense. it is a 100% dirk strider move. if you haven’t read it by now for some reason, go read detective pony. i am diagnosing you with read detective pony by sonnetstuck. it’s terminal.

the only two people aside from hussie to have controlled the narrative in homestuck canon are the cherubs. and i did make the point somewhere up there that dirk absorbed lord english, and by extension, caliborn. that’s WHY he got that ability. not because he’s a prince of heart. dirk controlling the narrative makes sense from the perspective of dirk controlling the external narrative as well, ie, the whole thing is on a piece of paper that he wrote as some form of bizarre cathartic self punishment for his existence, but in the grander scheme of things and truth of homestuck dirk controlling the narrative makes sense as the puppetmaster-turned-puppet we see him become in several of his iterations, because caliborn literally becomes part of him.

everything is so skewed by the narrators. yes, both of them, because the whole point of the epilogues is that both of them suck and muse calliope is just as shitty as “impartial” “narrator” as Ultimate Self dirk is. it actually makes the whole thing a lot greyer in morality than it comes across at first. US dirk does a lot of Bad Shit as narrator, yeah, but even as passive as she is, calliope’s narration has its flaws (see: everything relating to trickster mode)

the epilogues are less about the characters themselves and more about a grander conflict between the two cherubs, using dirk and jade as their puppets—and yes, muse calliope is using jade as a puppet LITERALLY, which upsets me on so many levels i can’t even get into it here. let jade be fucking relevant and happy hussie or so help me i will write myself into your narrative and do some renovation of my own. but dirk is equally deprived of his agency in this scenario. i’m not going to debate with anyone about the inherent goodness/badness of dirk strider because that’s an entirely different essay, but in canon, dirk’s entire arc is about NOT becoming exactly what he becomes in the epilogues. the dirk we know didn’t choose to become his “Ultimate Self,” the dirk we know doesn’t get a choice between meat and candy, the dirk we know is at the mercy of the narrative even as he pretends to control it.

and that’s not something new to dirk strider, in any variation of himself. i’m specifically going back to thinking about the term “puppetmaster-turned-puppet” here, because i like it. in canon, we see dirk get out-puppeted by hal. it’s implied that bro is being controlled at least in part by lil cal, who is in turn.. a splinter of dirk indirectly via hal via arquiussprite. i’m getting a little lost in all the splinters. why is dirk’s worst enemy consistently himself? don’t answer that. uhh also it should be mentioned that makes lil cal a puppetmaster-turned-puppet-turned-puppetmaster, both literally and metaphorically. i fucking hate andrew hussie.

anyway, both of the epilogues do all that shit to to drive home the point that both of them (and i mean muse calliope and LE here when i say both, because this has officially stopped being about the dirk we know) are removed from human concepts like “good” and “evil” and represent duality in an alien manner that to a casual observer could be mistaken for some objective statement about morality, but they’re both wrong to us from our perspective as humans with human morals. the choice of candy and meat from the beginning was a cherub one. that’s not a balanced meal! that’s not even a reasonable dichotomy for humans! meat is not more real or “canon” than candy was, both of them are very flawed stories being manned at the helm by omnipotent green aliens.

okay we’re ALMOST done here, i just want to touch on the actual authors of the narrative rather than the ones the narrative insists are its narrators. by which i mean the actual real life human beings who wrote the epilogue. the point i was making above about how dirk doesn’t have any agency? the point of these epilogues were that none of the characters have any agency in their stories. every work is a reflection of its author, even when aforementioned authors are hiding behind pseudoauthors on a narrative level.

the homestuck epilogues feel very meanspirited to me. they punish their readers for not understanding their intentionally heavyhanded meta. homestuck was always very meta, but it was also fun. this, on the other hand, wasn’t fun. i haven’t seen anyone claim that the epilogues were a “fun” read, even those who enjoyed them enjoy them on the basis that “tragedy is a valid form of art,” and,,, ........and their opinions are. valid. and they can have them. sure.

but for those of us who read stories in order to enjoy them, which i am safely assuming makes up the majority of those who read homestuck, the homestuck epilogues are like a final kick in the teeth as a send off to a fandom with barely any teeth left to lose. we’re already having people who refuse to read them, and god i wish that were me, but it’s also.,, you can’t criticize something properly if you haven’t read it. we’re going to see a lot of very bad takes in the coming days about all kinds of things from information proliferating through the grapevine, and personally, i am not looking forward to it. i really hope this is the end, that homestuck is finally fucking over, and the epilogues are done with and we can all live our lives unmarred by strange orange men with typewriters. i’m going to hole up with my cool and new webcomic music albums and all of the good novel-length dirk-centric fic i’ve bookmarked over the years and wait this one out. i invite you to do the same.

cool and new webcomic bandcamp | cool and new greatest hits | my personal favorite album by them

detective pony by sonnetstuck (seriously please read this it watered my crops and cured my lead poisoning)

literally anything by callmearcturus but this is my personal favorite (chamomile, rosewater, and other unlikely intoxicants)

this long winded discworld joke by oxfordroulette that inflicted me with a terminal case of loving jake english despite it being a dirkjohn fic (vanitas vanitatum) also if you finish reading this one and also succumbed to loving jake english, i’m not going to link it but they have another fic that’ll scratch that itch for you. that’s all i’ll say on that matter.

this fic said nonverbal autistic dirk rights and thank god (we were made for another world by princex_n)

thanks for reading

[defectfoundinthelosingside]

whos narrating candy?

spoilers for both meat and candy under the cut

in terms of the epilogues exploration of narrative, metanarrative, cannon etc... and putting the general plot and characterization fuckery aside (which is. A Lot to put aside honestly but bear with me);

if meat is narrated by dirk and alt-calliope via jades body, are we given all the information we need to figure out who, if anyone, is narrating candy? did i just miss who it was bcus i wasnt paying attention or somth or is this a genuine narrative question we’re supposed to ask?

because. i cant think of a single encouraging version as to who might be controlling the candy narrative if im honest sjfsdjhf

for instance, if its still alt-calliope via teen-jades corpse... since alt-calliope at least PRETENDS to be impartial and leaves the characters SOMEWHAT to their own decisions and devices, that would imply that the characters in candy, or at least these post-several-timeline-jump versions of the characters in candy, are all mostly making these awful damaging decisions themselves? including eg the sudden bringing back of gamzee out of the blue for instance, which is repeatedly presented by john as a sudden and nonsensical decision made by roxy and ‘our’ calliope anyway? considering this and some other things in that half of the prologue im not sure its even a viable option...

(on a sidenote, is john just immune and quicker to notice narrative pressure (like how he notices his thoughts arent rly his own several times with dirk)? is that why he notices roxy and cal acting so weird so quickly? is that also why dirk almost... ‘lets’ him die, kind of? the actions of ‘our’ caliope are kinda mysterious as well, right? ugh so many questions)

the other thought i had was that the candy narrative was supposed to sort of be controlled by the fandom in which case..... the levels of insulting that would be is unspeakable frankly. but like. considering candy was at least assumed to refer to the sickly-sweet shipping-oriented narrative a lot of fandom seems to be associated with in other media.... maybe? if its this tho then frankly the epilogue is cancelled in my mind bcus its already real close yall lmao

but aside from those two options im sort of drawing a blank since dirk in the candy timeline literally kills himself because he knows that he can’t influence the narrative and so??? that sort of rules out alt-cal too in my opinion because dirk managed to deal with them in meat somehow and pull off his plan so why not here too? i just dont KNOW guys

[scarlette-joel-writing]

Erased Pt. 9

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader 

Warnings: things get a bit gruesome, not too bad though. Language. 

A/N I know . Ihave taken forever to update. Im sorry about that. I promise that I will be better

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10  Part 11  Part 12 Part 13

~

Y/N’s POV:

It is dark and it is cold and it is loud.

It is dark. I cannot see an inch in front of my face. I cannot see any light coming from any place and I have no idea what the room I am in looks like. I don’t even know if I am in a room. I could be in a cardboard box for all I know. Stored on a shelf somewhere, waiting to be shipped off to China. I haven’t moved from this spot since I woke up because I am not sure that I want to know what my surroundings consist of.

It is cold. I am so cold that my teeth chatter and my skin has permanent goosebumps on them. Yea that is what I mean by it is freaking cold. There is a breeze that is as cold as the Arctic Circle that hits me every couple of minutes and I cannot, for the life of me, figure out where the hell it is coming from. I guess the fact that there is a breeze is some indication that I am not in a card board box, so I can add that to the very short list of things that I know.

It is loud. There is a loud pounding in my ears that causes my entire body to shake as I am sitting on the ground. It is Similar to the sound that I heard when the guy came into the complex to take me, but this sound is much louder than that one. And it isn’t just one steady note. It is high frequencies and low frequencies that mix together and cause my brain to feel like it is turning to mush. It paralyzes my muscles and makes me want to puke. Thankfully, I have been able to stop myself from doing that so far.

I don’t know how long I have been here and I really have no way of figuring it out. My internal clock is fucked because of the noise and my external clock is fucked because of the lack of sun. If I had to take I guess, I would say that I have been awake for about 12 hours but I have no idea how long I was out before then. It could have been 2 hours or two weeks for all I know.

I have to do something besides just sit here. I have to. So far no one has come in and I am pretty sure that even night vision wouldn’t be able to see through the pitch blackness of this room. I am just sitting there until they decide that they have had me for long enough and kill me.

I take a deep breath and then allow myself to unlatch my arms from around my knees and to pull myself up onto all fours. My hand sweeps out in front of me and it is met with nothing but cold air. So not a cardboard box. Maybe a shipping container. I shuffle forward a little bit on my knees. Maybe if I can just make it to the other side of the space, there will be a door or something that will lead to the outside world.

I continue on with my blind search until I put my hand down on top of something. It all happens so quickly. I set my hand down on something and then suddenly my hand is going through the something. My arm goes in all the way up the elbow and I can feel a warmth encompass me. I have to pull my hand out of whatever it was in, and the warm and sticky substance encases my entire left forearm.

That is the breaking point. That is what makes me scramble to my feet, take a couple steps and then hunch over, vomiting up whatever stomach contents I have. I have no idea what that was, but I can tell you that I know it wasn’t strawberry jelly. The smell is enough to tell me that.

I abandon my search of the room and crawl back into my little corner, stumbling as I walk because these fuckers know that I would kick their ass if they didn’t have this stupid noise buzzing through my ears.

I sit back down on the ground and let my head hit the wall behind me. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to cry but I don’t know what else there is for me to do. I am helpless. I can’t use my power and there isn’t anybody here for me to kick the shit out of. I don’t know who is doing this, why they took me, or what they want.

I let the first tear fall, and I don’t even attempt to wipe it off.

All I know is that I want Bucky. I want to be back home in the complex. I want to be home.

Please come find me Bucky.

~

Bucky’s POV:

“What the fuck do you mean we don’t have anything?! How can we not have found out a single fucking thing on where Y/N might be?!” my voice shakes and it feels like it shakes the entire complex with it. I am angry. I am beyond angry. I really don’t think that there are any words to describe the emotions that I am feeling right now. There are too many of them.

It has been two days since Y/N has gone missing. Two days since I realized that she was taking a bit to long with her shower and went up to find her bedroom empty and some blood on the floor. It has been two days since I realized that the girl that I am supposed to protect with my entire life is missing. Two days of non-stop panic and anxiety, trying to find anything that could possible lead me to her.

“Bucky. We are doing everything that we can. We don’t really have a lot to go off of,” Steve says as he and the rest of the team are sitting in the conference room, trying to have a civil conversation about the plans that they should be making. How is this any time to be having a civil conversation? This is the time to be going out and knocking people’s teeth out until they tell me what I need to know.

“Yea, Buck. It’s not like they exactly left us a note, telling us exactly where they were taking her. These things take time,” Natasha says and I can see her give me a small smile of sympathy. But small smiles of sympathy aren’t what I need right now.

“Why aren’t we going through lists of all of our enemies and trying to figure out which one has her that way?” I am pacing the floor now. Back and forth. Back and forth. It doesn’t offer me any release but it does allow me to do something. Anything.

“We are doing that. But that list isn’t exactly a short one. Like Romanoff said, these things take time,” Tony is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. He gives me a look that tells me that he is sorry but he isn’t that sorry.

They are all trying to cut themselves off from their emotions. They are all trying to pretend like this isn’t one of their own that has gone missing. They are trying to keep themselves more rational by being impartial to the situation. But that doesn’t work with me. None of that works for me.

I am not going to sit here and pretend that my Y/N is just another random stranger that we have to save. I am not going to pretend like she isn’t the most important thing in my life and I am definitely not going to stop until I have her back home and with me.

Let’s just hope that nothing bad has happened to her…

~

Y/N’s POV:

There is nothing but light surrounding me. Bright blinding light that causes my eyes to water and me to cover them with my right hand. It is coming from the opposite side of the room, just like I knew it would. Once my eyes have adjusted enough, I drop my hand and look back to the door. There is a silhouette there, just standing.

“I see you have had the pleasure of getting acquainted with Robert,” the voice says and I am confused for a second until I look down and realize that there is a body lying in the middle of the floor. It is half decayed and the skin seems to be sliding off of the bones a bit. I notice that there is a gaping hole in the middle of the stomach and when I look down at my arm, it is almost black in color due to the blood and whatever else was resting inside of Robert. The sight makes me gag but thankfully there is nothing left in my stomach to throw up.

The noise is still pounding in my skull and it makes my vision blurry. Everything is blurry. I feel like I am going to pass out But I cant do that. I cant. I may never way up again.

“Who are you? What do you want?” I want my voice to be strong and hard but it comes out weak and broken and laced with fear at the sight of the body in front of me. Is that going to be soon? Is that how the others are going to find me? Half decayed with a hole in my stomach? Or will they even find me at all?

“My name is Dr. Orlov,” I can hear the Russian accent now. Subtle but still there. He takes a step inside, switches on a light, and bathes the room in a yellow glow. Everything in this room is gray. Gray tiles and gray concrete. All the way to the gray body lying in the middle of the room. “And you have something that I require,” he smiles at me.

“And what would that be,” I spit back at him, and before I know it, he has crossed the small room and is kneeling in front of me. He pulls a small machine out of his pocket and attaches it to my forehead. This device causes small bursts of electricity to shoot through my body every couple of seconds. He hits another button that stops the horrible noise, but I still cant use my power because of this stupid electricity.

FUCK ME.

“I require the code to my asset. And it seems that you are the one that has it,” he leans back and I cant help the look of pure confusion on my face. How the hell does he know about that. There is no way that he could possibly know about the code. I erased it from every person’s mind in the world. The only way that he could remember was if he wasn’t on the planet when I was erasing things… But that’s not possible. “Ah, I can see the little wheels in your head turning. So many questions. But don’t worry your pretty little head about that. We will have plenty of time to talk and discuss how I know the things I know while you are telling me the code,”

“I will never tell you the code,” I hiss back at him, feeling myself lose consciousness once again.

“Torture is a powerful thing Ms. Y/N. Never say never,” he smiles at me.

Taglist: 

@jacks-on-krack @tbetz0341 @haleypearce @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @zestygingergirl @geeksareunique @jemjem-chan @rachelmc97 @fesslasuisse @vvonder-lands @ran-randomness @m4df4n

[covntcovntessa]

"I get why he acts the way he does sometimes." ofc you get, the bar here is low and everybody got stuck in 2016!

What is this "Ship is an alien weapon" all over again????? The show is about a kid using an alien weapon and Ship literally protects Julie when Ben cant!

"capable of amazing and terrifying things and being in Bens line of work I understand why he would only see it as that, Hell even both kevin and gwen acknowledge that ship is dangerous" Exactly. Another reason to KEEP the canine tripod close enough so they can control, train, teach or contain him!!!

We saw that Ship in Baz-l's hands was about to be the real danger, meanwhile: Ship with Julie was to Dangerous as he was to Convenient or are we pretending that they didn't take advantage of the bond Julie established with Ship to use him in in plenty of missions, now???

It was literally safer and better with Julie than with anybody else.

And my brother in christ even Ben ignored the Forever Knights on Dupped so he could watch a movie -.-

We didnt overlook anything, he forgot he was a hero as well and thats on him - not on julie, ship or gwen - quit with that "responsable hero" excuse, its 2023!

The rest of this rant its also bullshit AT LEAST and thats why we can tell that its just another ben 10 average fan making up for his poor meow meow protagonist because its never about their actions, its about feelings and identification to justify the clownery...

I mean, seeing the very same "Dupped" shit of argument being recycled over and over again its... something.

The "we might break up as well" thing its also dumb. He had free time to spend, a little, but enough to hang out with Jennifer Nocturne - so she started to feel lonely and realized that they werent going to work... its that a problem? No. Yall overreacted motivated by the harshness of Gwen and Kevin's attitude towards him - Julie was cool tho, she was worried about ship. So was it undeserved? Not at all. He took out a personal frustration on a civilian who was warning about something out of the ordinary over a message..."but he was upset" - If you really believe what you say when you try to defend Ben's conduct as a professional hero, then this moment here would be open to criticism and not Julie's message. Using Ben's routine as a justification for impartiality doesn't mesh very well with the poor guy persona, he's either responsible or he's not.

The strange thing is: he didn't seem upset in the previous episode as he was busy trying to kiss Eunice. Gwen and Kevin were there too. Also - she reached to him to ask for help (glad she did cause baz-l had bad ideas.) - and not to resume.

He refused, she left and Gwen came...thats it!

And heres comes the fandom with the "Hero Life" card again, however, whose initiative to resume was it? Yeah... from him.

If Julie's companionship demands were a problem and if it was so difficult to reconcile heroism with romance, why did he insisted? And had the NERVE to say he would try to be better?

Julie was not the only one being stupid at this point, im sorry, but Ben also did not made up his mind until that ep from OV. So what are we overlooking???

Was the burden of being a hero REALLY the problem??? t's not like we haven't already seen that he had opportunities to share his struggles with her.

She tried to help when Big Chill started having symptoms;

Managed to contain Ship when he was captured;

Helped during the Highbreed invasion;

Saved his life the TWO times Elena filled his lung with nanites;

Was the first person he went to when Sander cut his hand off;

And encouraged him to stand up to people at school while making sure he didn't feel alone (in Fame)

There is no justification for his behavior or infidelity and I'm afraid the super upper dupper master hero 1000000™ card needs to go down because it doesn't make sense.

To be fair, Julie fucked up REAL bad in one episode and Ben actually got shit undeserved. She embarrassed me fr, but it wasnt even one of those that people keep nagging about. It was in The Flame Keepers' Circle....

And even then she apologized, i cant-

I feel like alot of us in the Ben10 fandom talk about how much of a bad boyfriend Ben is and I'm not saying he isn't but I feel like we overlook how much being Ben10 fucks with Ben to the point where I get why he acts the way he does sometimes.

Like first off the whole thing With Julie and Ship. Ship is an alien weapon capable of amazing and terrifying things and being in Bens line of work I understand why he would only see it as that, Hell even both kevin and gwen acknowledge that ship is dangerous. And Julie's insistance on expecting Ben to treat ship like just another ordinary house pet really doesn't make sense.

Like her asking Gwen if Ben would care about ship if he was just an ordinary house pet is a really dumb question when you consider that the main reason she gets into all these dangerous situations is because Ship ISN'T a normal housepet. Like the vreedles/the forever knights would have no use for an ordinary earth animal and if they did of course Ben would go out of his way to save her pet.

There are also moments when i feel like everyone except ben forgets that he's a hero.. Gwen telling ben that he should've just left the forever knights alone cuz they're not a threat in order to be on time for julies tennis game is kind of irresponsible?? Especially when u think of all the wild shit the forever knights end up doing later on in UA. Like yeah atp they are fodder and shouldn't be taken 100% seriousl but Ben's just supposed to ignore them breaking into a bank?.Even in OV we see that Ben just can't really ignore crime even in dimension 23.

Julie being bummed that ben has to run off to do hero shit is understandable and yes her feelings are truly validated but then holding it against him like he's doing it on purpose is kinda fucked up.

Also wtf does "we might as well be broken up mean?" Because I'd take that to mean that we are broken up.

Was ben a dick in the way he acted? ofc he was, was ben at fault for a good chunk of the issues in the relationship? You bet! But they're really moments when it feels like ben is getting shit on undeserved.

Me personally i feel like if ben were to have a steady relationship of sorts it wouldn't be with a regular civilian like julie it would be with someone who is either part alien or someone who's into the whole plumber,hero thing my first pick would be Ester but Kai is ok,just wish they gave her more development.

[auroraphilealis]

Heaven Scent Chapter 3

Heaven Scent | Dan Howell rarely leaves the house unless he has too, too socially awkward to function normally around other people, and generally making his only friends through Louise, a sweet beta who took him under her wing a few years back when they were both still in college. It’s no surprise, then, that the omega has yet to find a mate, despite craving one rather a lot. It’s not until he attends Louise’s birthday party and gets accidentally-on-purpose set up with an attractive alpha named Phil Lester who smells absolutely heavenly that Dan starts to fall into a proper romance, complete with courting and scenting and the like. | Phan | Mature | A/B/O dynamics (Omegaverse fic), Fluff, Getting Together, Eventual Smut, Courting | 5,949 Words this chapter

So I’ve been writing this so fast I’ve just decided to post Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, yikes LOL so I hope you guys enjoy their first date! <3

Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Three

By the time Saturday arrived, Dan wasn’t even sure if Phil felt like a stranger anymore. They’d been texting on and off for three days, practically non stop except for work (Phil had strange hours, it seemed, but they hadn’t got around to talking about careers just yet), sleep, and sometimes meals, though Dan had become an expert at texting with one hand while he spooned cereal into his mouth with the other at three o’clock in the afternoon.

They hadn’t gotten around to talking about the more practical sides of each other that came from a first date, but it didn’t seem to matter. Dan already knew so much about Phil Lester that when he started getting ready for his date that night, it didn’t feel like the first.

In fact, it felt more like getting ready to go out with a friend, and if Dan was being honest, he much preferred that to almost any other date he’d ever been on.

Don’t get him wrong, the alpha didn’t feel like just a friend, though. He was someone Dan was quickly finding himself really rather interested in, and he just wanted to know more, and more, and more about him until he’d learned every last thing about Phil Lester there was to know, and while Dan very much so wanted this date to go well… he was quickly finding that he’d be just as okay with it if things never progressed passed “just friends.”

Phil was just… amazing. Dan had learned that the man was incredibly passionate and heartfelt when he wanted to be, ready to defend his opinions against even some of Dan’s more terrifying rants, without ever once backing down. His thoughts were well thought out as well, as emotive as they were backed with reason, a fact that intrigued Dan almost beyond any other; he was used to being the more impartial person in an argument, after all.

On top of all that, though, Phil just had a strange… charm to him when he spoke.

Even through text Dan could feel that same sense of comfort he’d gotten when Phil had talked in person at Louise’s party. He had a way of making you laugh with him when he was being socially awkward, rather than being awkward in return, and it seemed to be the main reason Dan was able to talk to him so easily. He was glad for that, because Dan was used to being the awkward one, but even now when he made strange blunders, Phil didn’t seem to mind.

Phil didn’t seem to mind anything, really. He was more receptive to Dan than almost anyone else had ever been to him, except for Louise and maybe even Wirrow. PJ still gave Dan funny looks from time to time, and while Hazel was endlessly sweet and unassuming, even she didn’t get along with Dan quite as well as the others.

But Phil… Phil was something else, like a puzzle piece slotting into Dan’s life where he hadn’t known it was missing. It sounded cheesy and romantic, something Dan wished he could chalk up to his omega tendencies, but he knew was just part of him. Phil just fit with him, and Dan so, so badly hoped that Phil felt the same way as him.

If he didn’t, well then, so be it. Dan would be just as happy to have Phil in his life in any capacity, even if he was kind of hoping for something more after all the flirting of the last few days.

That was the other thing. They didn’t just share a lot of the same tastes, and Phil didn’t just ignore Dan’s blunders when he spoke and said things that either didn’t make any sense, or would scare anyone else away. No, they also got on exceptionally well. There was a never a dull moment when they were chatting, never a second where Dan didn’t itch to respond, never a message that went unanswered because neither male knew what to say anymore.

No, conversation seemed to flow naturally between them, and they talked like they were old friends, rather than two strangers who’d met at a party just once.

Even without the sexual tension between them, Dan knew they’d made the best of friends, and… that excited him.

Dan had never had a best friend before.

Phil was due to pick Dan up for their date in about an hour, which meant that Dan had just finished a shower and was currently drying his hair, doing his best to contain his urge to reach for a straightner and force it into some semblance of tame. He’d come to terms with his curls months ago, but the nerves of going on a first date made it incredibly tempting to return to a flat iron.

Phil had already seen Dan with unruly curls, though, so the point seemed moot. Dan sighed, somewhat distressed, as he pulled out a hair dryer instead.

Hopefully he could at least attempt to shape it into a form he actually liked, then. The last thing he needed was to show up to his date looking like a rat when Dan wanted nothing more than to make a good first impression on Phil.

First impression… Dan couldn’t help but laugh at the thought, the sound soft as he grinned at his reflection in the mirror. He wore nothing but a towel slung around his waist, hair dripping onto pale shoulders, and he looked a right mess, but he still couldn’t help smiling at himself. After all, this might be a first date, but it wasn’t a first impression. No, somehow, Dan had already won the alphas attentions.

They’d flown straight past first impressions into a collision course with courting.

Proper courting, for the first time in Dan’s life.

The thought still made him giddy, which in turn made it difficult for Dan to wipe the grin off of his face. Omega or no omega, scent or no scent, Dan had still somehow managed to interest Phil, someone who his biology seemed to think was a very, very good match for him, if Phil’s overwhelming scent were anything to go by.

Dan could still smell it, sort of. It had clung to his nose for days, and the memory of it was enough to bring it straight back to him -

Dan’s phone vibrated in the middle of him drying his hair, and he didn’t waste a second in turning off the blow dryer and setting it down.

Phil’s name had just flashed across his screen.

From: Phil Lester <3

surprise! i uhm… might be early

The words sent a zing of surprise up Dan’s spine, and he suddenly spun in the middle of his bathroom to sniff at the air. He had thought he was taking in Phil’s scent a little too strongly to be a memory, but he hadn’t thought that Phil would already have arrived.

As Dan sniffed the air, however, it became more than a little bit clear that Phil was, in fact, already at his door.

Interested heat curled in Dan’s belly at the thought of the alpha being so eager to see him again, and he laughed in delighted surprise as he picked up his phone again.

To: Phil Lester <3

impatient much?

From: Phil Lester <3

… maybe. im sorry! if your not ready i can just wait outside D’;

Dan found himself laughing again despite himself, feeling warmth spread to his cheeks at Phil’s easy response.

Despite being overwhelmingly aware of the fact that Phil was most definitely interested in him, little moments like these still took him by surprise. Anytime Phil had mentioned anything about being anxious to see Dan again this week, Dan had felt something nervous and shy explode in his insides, and now was no different. The idea that the alpha could be so eager, and unafraid to show it, as well as be so soft and kind? That was… novel, to Dan.

He’d had so many guys in his life in the past, and not one of them, alpha or otherwise, had ever been quite like Phil.

To: Phil Lester <3

unfortunately im not but feel free to make yourself comfortable. im sure my house plants’ll appreciate the comapny >:D

From: Phil Lester <3

have i mentioned how much i love house plants?

hurry up, im lonely :’(

The randomly blurted fact didn’t even surprise Dan at this point, and he merely snorted as he dropped his phone back down onto his bathroom counter, and picked up his hairdryer again. He could still smell Phil outside, the alpha’s musk permeating Dan’s flat without him ever having even been inside. Dan inhaled sharply, closing his eyes and enjoying it as he dried his hair.

He honestly wouldn’t mind that scent clinging to his entire life, if he was being honest. It was just so warm and homey, sharp in some ways, but mostly just… nice. Phil smelt nice, and Dan was glad to have the scent near once again.

He just hoped the future would see even more of it.

With Phil waiting ever so patiently outside - by which Dan meant, not patiently at all, considering he wouldn’t stop texting him little thoughts and anxious smiley faces that honestly just made Dan’s stomach flip over - Dan felt even more rushed to get ready, but he did his best to make himself appear presentable.

Once he’d gotten his hair just the way he wanted it, he put away his hair dryer and headed back into his bedroom to get dressed. He’d laid out a nice pair of black skinny jeans in preparation for his date, along with a soft bluey-green v-neck that hugged his neck and chest really nicely. It was meant to be a cold night, so he’d planned to accompany the outfit with his black jacket with the zips all over it to make for a kind of casual, fashiony appearance, considering Phil hadn’t told Dan where they were going yet.

The skinny jeans were… possibly a mistake. Dan had done his best to dry off after his shower, but they were still a nightmare to pull on, and once he’d managed it, he felt kind of winded, sat on his bed with his forehead a little sweaty already. He felt kind of ridiculous when he pulled on his shirt immediately after, and then, after checking his appearance one more time in the mirror, he shrugged on his jacket, grabbed his keys, wallet, and cell phone, and finally ventured out into the living room.

Phil’s scent was even stronger here. Dan could sense him sat just outside his door, and while he’d been nervous before, suddenly he was terrified. What if Phil decided he hated Dan after all? He’d only seen him in person one other time, and Dan was ten times more awkward when you had to deal with him face to face. Surely, this was a bad idea?

Biting his lip, Dan hesitated next to his shoe rack, and stared at the plaster of his door.

Phil wouldn’t be able to scent him. Dan was covered in neutralizing soaps, as he always was.

But he kind of wished Phil could.

From: Phil Lester <3

dan? you ready yet? :’D

To: Phil Lester <3

almost.

are you ready for a bumpy ride? cause im an emotional rollercoaster

From: Phil Lester <3

are you trying to scare me away? cause its not going to work :’P im way too invested now!

i like you dan… please come out?

Dan’s hands were legitimately shaking as he read Phil’s message, unable to believe the words written there were real. It really wasn’t that Dan didn’t have any self confidence, it was just that… it had taken a real hit over the years. He was attractive, sure, but he wasn’t mate worthy, and that… well, that had always bothered him to a certain extent.

He really was socially awkward, and he’d never quite fit in. Being friends with Louise and the others was a miracle. But Phil?

Taking in a deep breath, Dan finally moved to shove his shoes on - black high tops with zips on both sides - and opened his front door.

Instantly, Dan was swamped with the overpowering scent of Phil all over again. Dan hadn’t even caught sight of the man yet, and he could already smell him as if he were pressed right up against Dan. His scent filled Dan’s nostrils in a way that caused him to close his eyes in bliss and inhale.

The sound of a low chuckle had his eyes snapping back open and his cheeks turning red.

Phil Lester was standing up from where he’d been sat next to Dan’s door, wiping away invisible dust stains from his black jeans, and smirking at Dan like he knew exactly what he was doing to the omega. Embarrassed to have been caught so obviously enjoying the alpha’s scent, Dan ducked his head away.

He couldn’t keep his gaze downcast for very long, however, shy smile curving over his features as he peered up at Phil.

The alpha was wearing skinny jeans as well, legs so thin that the dark fabric wasn’t nearly as skin tight as Dan’s were. Somehow, he still looked freaking amazing anyway. His shirt was a red button up, plaid, and long sleeved. Something about it brought out the black of the man’s hair, and - he seemed to be wearing contacts, as the last time Dan had seen Phil, he remembered quite distinctly the thick, black-rimmed glasses he’d been wearing. The sight of Phil without the glasses though was… well, intoxicating, to a certain degree.

Phil’s eyes were so blue, and yet there was green and yellow in his eyes that just made them appear even more beautiful than Dan had previously thought. They were electrifying, and sent a thrill down Dan’s spine as he stared.

“I guess I don’t have to ask whether or not my scent is appealing to you,” Phil chuckled, finally breaking the silence with the line.

Unwilling to back down a second time, Dan merely grinned in return.

“I guess I don’t have to ask either,” he shot back, laughing as Phil’s jaw dropped open in shock at him, before the other male began to laugh as well. “Get it,” Dan joked, “Because I don’t have a scent?”

Phil shook his head, eyes scrunched up in that way Dan had only seen a few times before back at Louise’s birthday party, but which made him look even younger than he already did. His grin was loose and adorable, the tip of his tongue poking out from between his teeth on one side, and he just looked so carefree that Dan wanted to tug him in and kiss him.

He didn’t, wanting to save that moment for some time down the line. Dan wasn’t quite ready for that just yet. He was excited for the chance to be courted.

“You’re an idiot,” Phil joked, poking Dan in the arm fondly once he’d calmed down a little bit, and jerking like he wanted to do more. Dan remembered how tactile Phil had seemed at the party, and wondered if he was in for a treat tonight. He bit his lip, kind of hoping Phil would take his hand, or, better yet, wrap his arm around Dan’s shoulders and pull him in tight against his side.

Phil cleared his throat, dropping his hand instead and licking his lips as he tossed his head a little to readjust his fringe. He looked nervous, which was ridiculous considering he’d only just been teasing Dan a few seconds ago. His sharp eyes caught Dan’s gaze, then, and held.

“So - you’re okay with me being an alpha, right? Because I know that’s kind of a deal breaker for some people, and I don’t hide my scent because of it, but I just wanted to make sure. I know you already knew I was an alpha when you, like, accepted my courting gift a few weeks ago, I just. Things change, you know, when you’re not in the heat of the moment, and I just wanted to make sure,” Phil babbled, the words breezing from his lips as if he’d been holding onto them for a good week straight or something.

If Dan was behind honest, they also shocked him. He hadn’t been anticipating Phil to be worried about his secondary gender when Phil didn’t even know what Dan’s was yet.

The shock was so real, that Dan forgot to respond.

Phil’s cheeks went red.

“I mean, I figured that might be why it took you so long to text me in the first place, is all. I just - I just wanted to make sure, because I didn’t want to make you feel pressured to go on a date with me or anything, and I -” he rushed to add, beginning to look more and more upset the longer that he spoke.

Gently, Dan reached out and grasped tight to Phil’s shoulders in an attempt to still his now agitated shaking, eyes wide as he stared at Phil. His jaw was a little unhinged, he was sure, it was, just - well, this had been the last thing he’d been expecting.

“Phil. It’s - it’s fine, I promise. I’m more than okay with you being an alpha, I swear,” Dan rushed to reassure him, still attempting to blink back his own surprise at Phil’s admittance. “I’m not like, into stereotypes or anything. I uh… honestly, the reason it took me so long to text you was because I was… kind of scared of something similar,” Dan admitted.

It was better late than never, and Dan had meant to apologize for keeping Phil hanging for so long. He sighed, dropping his hands from Phil’s shoulders, and reached up to push his fringe out of his face instead. It dropped right back into place, but it wasn’t actually getting it out of the way that mattered, just the distracting movement of his hands.

Dan looked away.

“I’m not really used to being courted, especially not since I don’t - I don’t exactly broadcast my secondary gender. I was afraid that would be a deal breaker for you, because I don’t…”

Dan trailed off, biting his bottom lip, and then sighed. What had happened to the ease of conversation that usually flowed between the two of them? Sure, they hadn’t really talked about any of the serious stuff yet, but Dan had really been hoping it would transition to the harder stuff too.

Deciding he wasn’t going to be shy about his feelings, Dan finally looked up and matched Phil’s gaze again.

“I prefer for someone to get to know me for me, before they learn to love my - instincts, so to speak,” he explained.

Phil, for a moment, still looked a little unsure, studying Dan like he wasn’t quite certain if the other was telling the truth. Dan could hardly blame him when it was still completely insane to him that Phil could be worried Phil being an alpha was an issue to him, so he let Phil have his moment to digest what Dan had said before he responded.

After another moment, the worry lines smoothed from Phil’s forehead, and the unease left his eyes until he was back to smiling softly at Dan. He looked a little more enamoured than Dan thought he had any right to be, but he wasn’t going to complain when having that look aimed at him was causing him heart palpitations the way it currently was.

“Okay,” Phil finally responded. “Great! So you don’t mind that I’m an alpha, and I don’t mind that your - just you. Now that that’s settled. You look really nice, today.”

A surprised smile bloomed over Dan’s face, and he coughed out a shocked laugh at the ease with which Phil had not only wrapped up their musings, but changed the subject, as if it hardly mattered at all anymore.

Dan supposed it didn’t, when it came right down to it, and merely rolled his eyes at the alpha stood before him.

“So do you,” he agreed, and reached up to straighten Phil’s lopsided shirt collar. A greedy sense of affection and rightness filled Dan at the simple act of cleaning up after the alpha, and he threw the accompanying grin at Phil without a care in the world.

If their texting relationship was anything to go by, let alone the completely smitten look on Phil’s face, Dan had a feeling he didn’t have anything left to be afraid of.

 Their date ended up being a nice walk around the park, something unprecedented and surprising to Dan who’d been expecting - well, just about anything else, really.

Though Phil had encouraged Dan to dress casually, he’d anticipated something more cliche, like a movie date where Phil could make the excuse to make out with Dan in the back corner, or a dine-in where they ate in their car and had the excuse to practically sit in each others laps. When Dan really thought about it, though, not only did he prefer this, but he realized he should have been expecting it.

Phil seemed like an old fashioned kind of guy who wanted to treat his partner right, and didn’t give off the whole, jumping into things too quickly kind of vibe. Dan usually went along with it when his dates got kind of frisky, unable to help it considering for a long time, he’d been an affection starved teenager, but he kind of appreciated the fact that Phil wasn’t really putting the moves onto him.

Not to say that Phil wasn’t particularly touchy, because he was, just not in the usual grabby kind of way that Dan was used to. No, instead, Phil walked just close enough to Dan at all times that their shoulders constantly rubbed, and their hands brushed from time to time. Phil’s scent was a constant, surrounding Dan like a cloud, and yet even that was comforting. It wasn’t overly cloying or aroused, merely that same nice scent that Phil had been exuding since Dan had first met him.

When Dan said something particularly silly, something that usually earned him a funny look, Phil reached over and shoved his shoulder in a joking manner, constantly laughing at the dumb things that came out of Dan’s mouth. When he wanted to make a point of something he was saying, he gently rubbed his hand down Dan’s shoulder to make sure he had the others man’s attention, and used his hands to create shapes in the air. Sometimes, Phil even seemed tempted to catch Dan;s hand in his to hold onto, or wrap his arm around Dan’s waist, and while Dan did his best to make it clear that he’d be okay with that, Phil always seemed to pull back at the last minute.

So Dan decided he was going to have to be the brave one here, and as they approached what Phil said was their primary destination, a large something at the far end of the park from where the two had entered, Dan took the initiative to grasp Phil’s hand in his the next time their fingers brushed, and twined them together.

Phil was cold, impossibly so. He wasn’t what Dan had been expecting, not exactly, but as Phil let out a low, pleased grumble, seemingly instinctively in reaction to Dan’s touch, Dan realized that he didn’t care. He quite liked the way Phil’s long fingers felt against his, the fact that Dan’s palm was clearly just a size bigger, and that Phil’s cool touch matched Dan’s warm one.

He offered the alpha a smile as they continued to walk, and enjoyed the way Phil smiled goofily back at him.

“Okay, so I know it’s nothing special, but uh - here we are!” Phil announced as the two finally approached the shiny object Phil had pointed out to Dan some time ago. Finally turning to properly take it in, and no longer too busy staring at the side of Phil’s face while his own heart raced at the feeling of their fingers being pressed together, Dan felt himself begin to grin all over again.

Phil had brought them to a little gazebo Dan hadn’t even known existed, all lit up with fairy lights and gorgeous in its beauty. It was white, with wicker sides and a solid roof that would surely keep out the weather. Up the small steps where Dan and Phil now stood was a little landing with a long, swinging loveseat, creaking lightly in the cold night air.

There were fairy lights on the inside too, lighting the whole place up in a bright, romantic glow that made Dan’s heart sing.

“How do you know about this place?” Dan asked, already moving towards the gazebo and dragging Phil along with him by his grap on his hands. His foot shook a little as he tentatively placed his weight on the first step, but the gazebo didn’t so much as creak in response, and Dan grinned as he gained the confidence to move up the rest of the steps. For all the time’s he’d been to this exact park, Dan had never actually seen this gazebo before. “Is it new?”

Phil chuckled at Dan’s clear excitement, and followed behind him eagerly enough.

“It’s not new. It’s actually been here for a while, but it was recently renovated. You probably never noticed it before because it used to be a really dull grey color, and it didn’t have the fairy lights,” Phil explained as Dan ran his hands over the silken wood, mesmerized by how beautiful the place looked.

Tugging on Phil’s hand again, Dan moved to settle down on the love seat, and grinned as Phil nervously joined him. Their fingers slipped from each other, but Dan didn’t mind. Phil’s thigh was pressed up against his, their shoulders touching, and Dan’s heart was racing in his chest.

He wished that Phil would reach up and properly wind his arm over Dan’s shoulders, but one quick glance at Phil’s face showed Dan just how nervous the alpha actually was just then. It was pretty comical to Dan, because Phil usually seemed so confident over text, easily swapping from conversation to conversation before any single one could peter out and leave the two with no more excuses to speak.

He’d even so easily flirted with Dan a few times, and yet here they were, in person, on their first date, and Phil’s cheeks were tinted a bright pink. He seemed too afraid to reach out and touch Dan the way he wanted too, and maybe it should have come as no surprise to Dan, and yet it did.

He went to reach for Phil’s hands again, only for Phil to interrupt the movement and start speaking.

“I, uhm. I’m really glad you said yes to a date tonight,” he started, looking nervous all over again as he avoided Dan’s gaze.

They’d spoken so easily on their walk over here. Why was Phil all of a sudden so nervous now?

“Me too. I’ve had a good night,” Dan agreed easily enough, trying to smile at Phil and calm him down, but Phil merely shook his head at Dan.

“No - I mean, yes, me too. I just. The gazebo isn’t the only thing I wanted to show you tonight, and it kind of really had to be tonight, so I’m really glad you weren’t busy or anything,” Phil explained, fingers tangling together awkwardly in his lap as he glanced up and out at the night sky like he was waiting for something. “What I was really hoping for was to share something else with you,” he added, and sighed as he finally looked back at Dan.

“I didn’t want to just take you out to dinner like anyone else might have. I wanted to do something special. So… well, just wait,” Phil trailed off, and offered Dan a gentle smile, “And look.”

Suddenly, Phil was pointing out at the night sky, and Dan turned his head just in time for something loud and bright to explode into the night sky. A huge explosion of red and orange and blue appeared against the dark backtrack, alerting Dan to the sudden Fireworks display as it rather abruptly started from the other side of the park.

Dan gasped at the display, and then suddenly, it seemed like the entire park was being lit up in a show he hadn’t known was coming. Blue’s and red’s, pink’s and orange’s, green’s and purple’s were suddenly lighting up the night sky with no end in sight while Dan stared on in obvious glee. He couldn’t stop grinning, watching as firework after firework went off, even the sound not enough to bother Dan, and he reached for Phil’s leg only to grasp onto it tightly as he leaned forward to stare.

“Holy shit,” he muttered at the same time as Phil’s arm very carefully and very casually found it’s place around his shoulders. Finally.

Phil laughed at the words.

“Does that mean it was a good surprise?”

Dan’s eyes were glued to the fireworks.

“Definitely,” he agreed.

 They ended up watching the show together in absolute silence, Phil’s arm a comforting weight on Dan’s shoulder as he held him close. Dan kept his hand solidly on Phil’s thigh, enjoying the way it seemed to tremble under his hold, but also the fact that it kept him steady as he stared into the night sky. The colors were just so brilliant, and Dan so rarely got to see a show like this, unwilling to go alone.

He’d never had someone to take with him before, so for Phil to take him… well, it was the perfect gift, and Phil hadn’t even known.

From time to time, Dan snuck looks at Phil out of the corner of his eye, fascinated by the brilliant, happy little smile that had seemed to replace his nerves since they’d first sat down. He’d completely lit up since the fireworks display had begun, and it was absolutely brilliant to watch.

It didn’t help that Dan was completely and utterly enamoured with the man already, but the way bright blues and greens and pinks flashed across his face as the show went on only made Dan want him more. Phil was just so beautiful that it was impossible not to keep sneaking looks.

Phil giggled the few times he caught Dan, but Dan didn’t mind because it meant that Phil was sneaking looks at him too. A few times, they even caught each other’s gaze and held it there, unashamed of the way they smiled at each other with giddy looks on their faces.

By the time the show had ended, Dan felt perfectly content, chuckling to himself and almost unwilling to look away from where the fireworks had been only moments before. Eventually, however, he had to, if only to share his glee with Phil.

The little swing they were on was swaying, something Dan hadn’t noticed before now, and he settled back against the seat, Phil’s arm following with him.

Dan finally moved his hand from Phil’s thigh to rest it on his own instead, slightly embarrassed by the proximity with with he’d nearly touched something far more intimate. Even just Phil’s inner thigh felt like a place Dan was not meant to touch so early on in their courtship.

“That was amazing,” he admitted. “How did you know…?” Dan asked Phil, trailing off as he nodded in the direction of where the fireworks had come from. After all, Dan had had no idea any kind of festival was going on.

“My co-workers were talking about. Said he wanted to take his wife to see the fireworks show. London decided to have the summer festival early this year, and I figured, if Dan texts me maybe I could… invite him?”

Phil’s voice sounded so unsure as he explained, his smile a little shy, now, and his hair dipping to hide his brilliant blue eyes. Dan wished he wouldn’t do so, and ended up reaching up to push Phil’s fringe out of his face, if only to see his expression more clearly and make it clear to Phil that Dan wanted to see all of him.

The motion made his heart speed up, especially with the way Phil looked at him right after. He licked his lips, and pulled his hand away.

“And this place?” Dan asked. “How did you know we’d be able to see it from here?”

At this question, Phil really did blush and duck his face, covering his mouth as he laughed at himself. Confused, Dan could only stare, a little nervous, though he didn’t move away.

He quite liked the way Phil was holding him, after all, not to mention the way their thighs pressed so neatly together.

“Well… see, I usually watch the fireworks alone,” Phil admitted after a minute, turning an embarrassed expression back to Dan. “I - I don’t really like crowds, you see, so I kind of just… found this place on my own,” he added. “I used to stand in front of it when it was really run down, but they just re-did it this year and I was really looking forward to being able to sit under it for once. I’m, uhm. Glad I could share it with you.”

Phil lowered his gaze, until he was looking up at Dan from under dark lashes, the small, familiar, confident smirk he’d worn at Louise’s birthday party finally starting to lift the corners of his mouth again as he seemed to begin to posture. The sight was an attractive one, something that caused desire to broil in Dan’s belly. It wasn’t arousal, no. It was want, but not of the physical kind; the emotional kind.

Phil was well and truly winning Dan’s attention, now.

He couldn’t keep his eyes off the alpha as he scented the air a little in front of them, arching his body in a distinct way to show himself off, chest puffed out slightly. Pheromones were starting to fill the air as Phil tried to make himself appear as desirable as possible, all while Dan watched on and felt his own body began to react of it’s own accord.

If it weren’t for his scent blocking soaps… Dan was certain Phil would know he was an omega by now.

As it was, Dan was preening a little, neck arched slightly in submission as he accepted Phil’s vague advances and flirting. It wasn’t submissive enough to give away that Dan was an omega specifically, but submissive enough to show Phil his interest.

“Not bad for a first gift, right?” Phil asked, as it became clear to both of them that Dan was beginning to accept him. His posturing evened out, and he relaxed, beaming as he stared at Dan, arm tightening around his shoulders.

Dan snorted, and rolled his eyes, but leaned in close to Phil anyway.

“Definitely not bad,” he said again, just managing to keep himself from laying his head on Phil’s shoulder. “But I don’t know how you plan to top it next time.”

Phil laughed then, the sound light and airy as it carried through the night air, exuberant. Dan could practically feel it rumble from his chest, and there was a breathless edge to it that made Dan’s stomach curl in the best of ways.

“Neither do I, but I’m hoping you’ll accept it anyway.”

Dan had a feeling he would.

(Next)