#im not entirely sure if this fits but the answer i got when i did it a second time fit less sooo
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atv-migrated · 1 year ago
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WHAT HERB ARE YOU?
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— dandelion
You grew up too fast and all you know is the calluses on your fists and the thousand invisible scars that you pretend don't ache. Your anger burns so bright, so hot or maybe not at all, so deep you could never tell it was there. You are yours and you will defend that to the death after so many years of being ripped apart and denied your own agency and maybe you are still facing the bastards who stole your innocence but you will survive because that's the only thing you know how to do without breaking, the only thing you know besides protect, protect, protect, protect, yourself or sometimes those few others you claim as yours. You are a thousand sharp edges but impenetrable, a traumatized child so covered by thorny armor that you promised yourself you're grown now, you're stronger than anyone who has ever hurt you. You're safe. Nothing will ever hurt you again. You're so alone though sometimes, in a world that sees you as too much or too broken or too angry or too hurt, and you want to scream with the too-much of it, prove that you're okay, that you're self-reliant, that you are strong enough to stake your claim on your body, on your mind, on your heart, on your people, and protect it from any who dare take it away from you. You are the sea in tempest, a howling sky, a tsunami in motion, a force of nature, no matter how much you sometimes yearn to be still, to be safe, to be small. You are a dandelion, stubborn and determined to grow in the rockiest of soil, and bloom again in spring.
tagged by: @dastardlydaemon tagging: @becomelions (rickard), @trckstaer (elaerea) + VIEWERS LIKE YOU !
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kit-screams-into-the-future · 3 months ago
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POV: you roll up to your boyfriend's house to take that sweet new truck of his up to the lake on a trip you've been planning for a while but then his old scientist friend shows up out of nowhere in a delorean and the strangest fit ever and tells you two to get in and then the thing starts flying(??) and travels 30 years into the future(???) where supposedly your boyfriend and you are married now(??) and then you black out and wake up in your house but it's definitely not YOUR house and you can't leave because there's no HANDLES on the FREAKING DOORS and then you get greeted by your future son(???) (who looks exactly like your boyfriend by the way) (and so does your daughter?) (where the fuck did your genes go??? are his just that strong?? did we clone him???) (also you have a daughter by the way) and learn that your boyfriend (husband?) gets into this terrible accident that causes him to give up his lifelong passion and then you witness him commit fraud and get fired via two dozen fax machines and then when you finally get to escape you immediately run into yourself 30 years older(??????) and it's so shocking that you black out AGAIN and when your boyfriend wakes you up he's dressed like a cowboy for some reason(??) and then you almost get into that accident you learned about earlier but it's fine because your boyfriend received some character growth along with that odd cowboy fit of his apparently and he takes you to the train tracks to show you the wreckage of the flying delorean you got into earlier (and yes, it WAS a time machine and all of that was DEFINITELY REAL and NOT A DREAM) and now the weird cowboy fit makes a lot more sense, and then all of a sudden there's a flying train now too(??) and your boyfriend's old scientist friend pops out with an entire new family(???) and when you ask him about the fax you nicked from the future because like, he's the one who made the damn machine surely he has answers, he ends up telling you a really inspirational piece of advice, actually, and then his flying time machine train takes off in the blink of an eye and THEN suddenly your boyfriend has the worst adrenaline crash anyone has ever experienced ever and now you're standing in an empty railroad among the wreckage of a car-turned-time-machine with your boyfriend in your arms and absolutely no clue what decisions you made in your life could have possibly led up to this. your name is jennifer parker and you have just experienced the weirdest, most absurd hour of consciousness in your entire life.
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loosely inspired by this fic i read! please check it out :] and while you're at it check out the rest of this author's fics :] im a big fan of the one where marty is a ghost
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doawks · 1 year ago
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i. melt into you, im changkyun.
♫ If I move too quick past you, I would think it's my reflection Being this close isn't close enough You could tell every time we touch, every time we, oh [...] That's when I melt into you
pairing. ex!changkyun x f!reader. genre. exes to lovers (?), smut, some fluff. warnings. manhandling, cheating (but he’s kinda like forgotten lol), dirty talk, implied jealousy + possessiveness, dom!changkyun to softdom!changkyun, praise kink, daddy being said once, little crying, creampie, unprotected sex━ missionary.
not proof read.
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“does he fuck you like this, sweetheart?” the question was rhetorical━he knew the answer just as much as you did. “nah, i don’t think he does. because if he did, i wouldn’t have to be fucking you into my mattress every night and sending you on your way back home with my cum dripping down your thighs, now would i?”
you couldn’t help but turn your head to the side in utter embarrassment. changkyun saw right through you, constantly reading you like an open book. he knew you better than anyone, he knew you better than you knew yourself - and that’s saying a lot. you could never pretend when you were around changkyun, already knowing he would instantly call you out.
“c’mon, baby, fuck━” he lets out a guttural groan when he feels you clench down onto his cock tightly. god, changkyun will never get over the way your pussy feels. “so fuckin’ tight. i’m not going anywhere, baby, relax.”
you whimper at that. it’s not like he meant it in the way you thought, but it wasn’t exactly like you were in the right state of mind. when changkyun fucked you, he took you to an entirely different planet, literally. he fucked you hard and deep, leaving your pussy battered and legs a wobbly mess by the time he was done with you. when you two were dating, he left marks all over your body because he wanted to show the world how belong to him and only him ━ he can’t do that anymore however, much to his annoyance. but he doesn’t need to mark your pretty skin up anyway because you will always know who you belong to. your pussy only cries, aches for him and your heart is interlocked with his. you know it, he knows it. your new boy toy was merely a poor replacement to try to get over changkyun, but it obviously isn’t working, clearly.
“more. want more, please, kyunnie . . .” you aren’t exactly sure what you’re begging for. you’re honestly just blabbering at this point and changkyun knows that. he also knows how to shut you up.
shaking his head in amusement, changkyun hooks his veined hands underneath your knees, pressing them to your chest. when catching a glimpse of his biceps flexing, you instantaneously feel your pussy gush. his head lurches forward, silver necklace dangling prettily from his neck, “my insatiable little thing. you’re never going to be satisfied with what i give you, will you?”
you pout slightly, “i am.”
“no, you aren’t. but you will. you want me to fuck you hard and annihilate your little cunt, then so be it. but don’t try to push me away, you got that?”
maybe you overestimated just how much you could handle. . . just a bit. changkyun’s cock is thick, it always has been. he takes pride in that, quite frankly. the first time you two had sex, he remember vividly how shocked along with astounded you were when he lined it up with your pussy, eyes big and doe, mouth wide wondering how he was going to fit. since then, you thought you became accustomed to his size, but that’s only because he was giving it to you sweetly, inch by inch. even tonight, when changkyun threw you on the mattress, he promised to go easy on you, though you being as needy as you are, you knew you wanted - needed more than that. you only got to see changkyun once a week because you didn’t want your boyfriend to grow curious, so when he did fuck you, you wanted to make the most of it.
“fuuuuuck,” he draws out, throwing his head back, adam’s apple bobbing. he pounds into your squelching pussy mercilessly, a white ring of cum beginning to coat his cock when sliding out. “sweet little cunt━fuck, so tight. takin’ me so well, sweetheart.”
“d━daddy, my clit . . . can you, mhm, can you rub my clit?”
you were so fucking cute, always using your manners for him. he absolutely loved that about you. yeah, you might be a brat at times, but at the end of the day, you were always going to be his good girl. his.
he doesn’t answer verbally, instead, he takes his thumb into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the digit before bringing it down onto your clit, which twitched instinctively underneath the pad of his pollex.
on the brink of tears, you don’t think before you cradle changkyun’s face and bring his plush lips to yours. since you two began doing this whole ‘exes with benefits’ arrangement, it was agreed that there would be no kissing during sex because it would be deemed too romantic. you initiated the rule, unfortunately. only because kissing was the first intimate thing you ever experienced with your ex, who was once your boyfriend, changkyun. it meant so much to you especially because it was with someone you loved━love so dearly. you knew that if you were to kiss changkyun, it would bring you back to the first time you ever did. the memories suddenly pivoting in your head.
changkyun kisses you back sincerely, lips molding against yours. his pace comes to a halt, the hand that was under one of your knees quickly coming to your cheek, stroking the skin tenderly. you don’t feel yourself crying until changkyun acknowledges it, “shh. don’t cry, my pretty angel. i’m here.”
you’re silly. extremely silly. you never just wanted to fuck changkyun. but you knew, or thought, it would be the only way to relish in his warmth once again. you missed his touches, his words, sure, you missed him fucking you, but you really just missed him, in general.
changkyun pulls away slowly to press a kiss onto your nose. “need to take a break?”
“no, i just━missed you. not the sex, you.”
“i never left, baby. i was always here, no matter what you thought.” changkyun smiles softly at you, a smile that could light up an entire dim room.
changkyun’s words stick with you, because he’s so right. he never did leave. when he found out you were in a relationship, any normal ex would back off, but changkyun didn’t. he stayed in contact with you. or at least tried because you would never really respond to any of his messages. he made sure you were okay, wished you a happy birthday, a merry christmas. you two never ended on bad terms, but somehow, someway, you made it seem like you did.
god, how stupid you feel right now.
“i’m sorry, changkyun,” you choke, leaning into his touch. you missed him. so much.
changkyun puts your thighs at the side of him, bringing both his hands to your waist, gripping you. “no more apologies. just let me make love to you.”
with that, changkyun continues to fuck you. not hard, not rough ━ but slow and sensual. he tattoos open mouthed kisses onto your neck before going down to your collarbone, occasionally suckling your skin into his mouth. he yearned for this ━ just to be soft with you whilst telling you how pretty you are. he never told you he loved you enough back then, and that was his mistake. a mistake he would never make again. because now, he will make sure you know how much he loves and adores you with every 206 bones he has in his body. his life is purposeless without you, it has no meaning. you’re like his air, his water. you’re a necessity.
the head of changkyun’s cock kisses your cervix which has you arching your back of the mattress in pleasure. it feels good, too good. you haven’t felt this overwhelmed with pleasure and emotions in a long time. “kyunnie━”
“don’t think i can keep up any longer, baby. g━fuck. gonna come.”
“in me, kyun! in me. want you to come in me, please.”
he furrows his brows but nods his head nonetheless, “fuck. yeah, alright, angel. whatever you want.”
the mans hips speed up, balls slapping against your ass. the thumb he has on your clit also begins to quicken, causing your legs to jerk at his sides from the sensitivity and the impactful pounding. the sounds of your pornographic moans, changkyun’s deep grunts, and sweaty skin clapping is extraordinarily lewd but you can’t even find it in yourself to care neither does the man above you.
“c’mon, pretty baby,” he gently coaxes, “give it to me. make a pretty mess all over my cock for me. you can do that right, yeah? i know you can.”
your stomach starts to tighten, implying that your orgasm was quickly approaching. changkyun knows this, of course, because as stated before, he see’s right through you - and because he can feel your little pussy holding onto him for dear life, desperately trying to empty his balls. he chuckles, “fuck, sweetheart, you’re gonna milk me dry.”
with a few more encouraging words and deep thrust, you’re releasing all over his cock, changkyun following soon after into your pussy. as a heavy breath escapes from his lips, he deflates onto your chest - snuggling his head in the crook of your clammy neck - cock softening in the process while still being in your warm, gooey pussy. “love you so much, baby.” he whispers quietly in your skin.
you delicately shut your eyes, smiling while doing so. “love you, too.”
you knew you were going to have to find a way to break up with your boyfriend later on, but you didn’t care about that right now. all you cared about was the warmth changkyun was providing that you missed.
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vonbabbitt · 2 months ago
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Hi Von! First off, I love tetro and you've done a great job! This fangan has actually inspired me to create the fangan ideas that have been rattling around in my head for the past year. I'm currently trying to do the character building and thought asking you a few questions could be helpful! First, how did you go about things like plot and character building/character design? Second, how did you go about assembling a team for tetro?
im glad youre enjoying it! thank you for the high praise! this got long, so ill put my answer beneath the cut!
one tip ill give before i say ANYTHING ELSE because this is my strongest gripe in the fangan universe: if youre planning on making something like tetro, or any fangan at all, DO NOT CAST UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO GIVE OUT CONSISTENT WORK. one of the biggest pitfalls in fangans is that fangan directors cast WAY before they actually need voice actors. if you arent yet in a place where you are going to be able to CONTINUE REGULARLY GIVING OUT SCRIPTS, you dont need to cast yet. focus on the other tasks!
in terms of plot/character building, you should consider what roles need to be filled in the story and what types of characters will be needed to keep the story interesting/moving forward. a lot of fangans struggle with having characters that dont really do a lot - not every character needs to be bombastically doing things all the time, but every character needs to have some sort of point in being there. it can be really tricky when youre working with the usual danganronpa numbers of 16 characters per cast, but take your time and really consider how you want your story to play out.
another thing i advise strongly is to make sure you're writing your characters in a way that lets the audience connect with them. the whole drive of danganronpa is that characters will die, so your audience needs to care when that happens. one of the biggest pieces of feedback i get with tetro is people saying that they like the whole cast and dont want to see anyone die - when you can cultivate that kind of cast, death matters. give each character something the audience can relate to in some way. you can still get interesting and specific with backstories and lore, but make sure the core of the character is something that someone can connect with. for example: harada. a lot of people probably cant relate to the idea of bullying people in their youth. however, many people can relate to the idea of doing something you regret down the line because you wanted to fit in or avoid trouble. the core should be something people can connect with. focus on that core!
in terms of assembling a team, i put up a casting call page! there are a couple different websites you can use, but this is the one i find to be the most effective. i only cast voice actors for tetro - other roles ended up getting taken on by people who were eager to do more work in the project or help out. i always say that if there's a job that needs doing in your fangan, you should be prepared to do that job entirely on your own, because the odds of getting help for free are slim. other people who know nothing about you or your project arent going to want to give you free art, video, music, animation etc., and from my experience, a lot of VAs will see a casting call full of calls for animators and artists and view that as a red flag. fangans are chronically unfinished, so make sure you can do every job by yourself if need be. learn whatever skills you need! there are tutorials everywhere!
hope this was helpful in some way!
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valeriianz · 6 months ago
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For the fic writer asks:
4. Obviously you did research for BitB. I'd love you to ramble about it if you like I'm sure you've got STORIES
5. Did you outline it?
7. How'd you decide it would be Hob's pov?
25-27 I'd love to know a/some favorite lines, details, and any lore you might want to share
omg TJ what wonderful questions! thank you!! this is going to get LONG!
4: Rambling about research!
do you wanna see a screen shot of my bookmarks under my "band au" folder?
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man, and that's only what could fit on the screen.
there is... SO MUCH i chose to ignore for this fic. ideas that i had to drop, lines or extra details about the other band members equipment. more logistics, what Lucienne actually does, what Mervyn has to put up with as the new touring stage manager... i realized very early on that i couldn't possibly cram all this (super cool and eye opening) information into the fic and still keep reader's interest and, most importantly, to not stray away from the fact that this is a dreamling fic. whenever i felt myself getting carried away with a side character or job or even social media numbers, gossip, outside POVs, i had to reign myself in and get back on track. there will be time for exploring everything i missed in side stories after BitB is finished. i just hope i still have the energy to write it all.
once, i was so deep into research that after publishing chapter 2, i went into work and when my chef asked what "GA" meant on my prep list, i answered with full confidence, "general admission."
(it means "get ahead.")
the worst part of this entire writing process is im still learning new shit. i havent rewatched or read a lot of what i've saved because, to be very honest, i was feeling a little burnt out. it's why we're kinda full steam dreamling now. it's why ive been glossing over a lot of technical stuff and being vague about conversations amongst the crew/not including it at all. i don't prefer ignoring my research, but at the end of the day i want to still enjoy writing this fic and finish it. even if i can't be as descriptive and detailed and nuanced as i used to be.
5: Did you outline the fic?
(also asked by @hardly-an-escape!)
i wouldn't call what i have a proper "outline," it's more like a 20k word document filled to the brim with notes that i skim at least a dozen times while i'm writing a new chapter (being in my brain is literally hell). i live multichapter life very dangerously. i copy and paste lines or sections (always scattered, never together! augh!) that are meant to go together and plop them in a new document titled "band au ch.#" and then i structure the chapter around what i want to happen.
but to answer this question in the plainest of terms: yeah. i know exactly what's going to happen up until the very end. even if its all in my head and the only concrete shit that's written down are beats/plot points. i'll figure out the rest later!
7: How'd you decide it would be Hob's POV?
i actually never even considered writing it from Dream's POV. this was my first fic in the fandom (which is so nuts to think about lol) and writing in Dream's POV sounded so scary lol. i also just thought Hob's would be easier because i have worked a few backstage shows, back in my college years. i figured eh, i can make this work. and i loved exploring how weird and mysterious musicians can be, from a normie's POV. making Hob a fan first and having him worry about developing a parasocial relationship... it was fun to explore.
25: Share your favorite line
oh god, i have so many haha.
“What are you thinking about?” starting in ch.2 and onward lmao
“It’s–” Dream laughs quietly, bitterly. “I don’t like change.” He says each word with emphasis, eyes trailing down to fixate somewhere past Hob. “And I still hold onto the things I can control, like my instruments–” his eyes swing up to regard Hob apologetically. “Or my clothes or my–” he brings a hand up and wiggles his fingers around his head. “My hair.” ch.4
"His majesty is pleased." ch.5
“You are obsessive,” he states, slow and cool and with a quiet smile cracking through his composure. “Just like me.” ch.7
“You look good.” Hob has to lean in to say so, unwilling to raise his voice amongst the roar of the fans. ch.11
“Del looks like porcelain, but she’s actually made of steel.” Desire swirls the contents of their glass before pushing their shoulders back with a deep breath. “She's tougher than all of us.” ch.11
“Everything. I want…” his fingers tighten in Hob’s hair, pulling him closer, speaking against his lips. “…Everything.” ch.14
26: Share your favorite detail
how intentionally coy Dream behaves. i love keeping him a mystery and deciding when and how much to allow his intentions to peek through has been so fun lol.
Despair is in fact covered in tattoos and piercings! i say this because i feel like sometimes i forget lmao. (but also her and Hob don't interact much so. my bad haha).
Delirium's constant explosion of color in the way she dresses <3
Hob's dedication to his job, Dream, and the people he cares about the most. i don't care if people think i'm making him too soft and good, im gonna project on that man and make him a sweet, sweet simp lmao
and ah, this doesn't matter anymore, and i kinda regret doing it but. i originally had Dream's favorite bass all black but the pickguard was white. so it actually looked like Jessamy. not gonna lie when @designtheendless drew it all black i decided i liked it better that way. and truly i do. that's when i went back to ch.1 and changed it haha. to actually see the guitar with Dream, all done up sparkling black and purple flecks... gosh it's just so him. but then i got up to the reveal that the guitar's name was Jessamy and i was like, "oh, right." lmao. no one seems to care so i'll leave it be.
27: Share a piece of lore you made up for the story
i have a lot lmao. and this post is already so long... im hoping i can get to some if not all of it in side fics in the future. but for now, here's some that's more like headcanons but:
Dream hates flying. he can full on go into panic attacks on the plane if he allows himself to get into his own head.
this was mentioned briefly in ch.4, while Dream was discussing the formation of the band, but Despair was in another band before joining Endless. she is the only character in the fic who gets to keep her English roots (lol sorry) and is the oldest in the band (30).
all of the band members ages: Dream, Desire, and Death are all 28 and Delirium is 22.
Dream can experience subdrop after going too hard during a performance.
Dream paints his own nails, it's very therapeutic.
as an exercise, i explored my own headcanons for Dream in this verse in a word doc, and one thing i will share from it that you might find interesting: If I were to ever give Dream a theological values, I would describe him as a satanist. He is a physical and pragmatic person, nonconforming, and although he is introverted, he enjoys being a part of a community (he loves his band).
also found this in my notes: How Desire and Dream got along was Death making them fight it out. Hob raises an eyebrow “like in a brawl?” He couldn't imagine Desire throwing hands. “No, in a pillow fight that escalated in hair pulling and verbal taunts.”
fic writer asks
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konigsprinzessin · 6 months ago
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donnerkeil. part five, yandere!könig x reader
hey! sorry about the hiatus. not proofread. love you all.
mentally, he cursed you for not letting him in. he didn't care. why the hell would he? he would be too focused on you anyways. admittingly, he would've scoped out your apartment to find any thing he might wanna bring with him as a little memory of you. if he were to find your bra or panties casted aside on your bedroom floor he would try his hardest to conceal them within his palm.
his eyes got wide and almost frantically told you that your messy flat was no problem. he wish you would jump in and invite him anyways. he watched you fidget on your phone, asking again from his phone number.
which he gave you and then texting you right after. a few more minutes passed with you far too excited asking when he was free and asking könig questions about his policework.
policework? that's right. he kept his answers light responding with "its confidential". earning cute little laughs from your mouth. you wrapped up the conversation a bit worried that you were wasting his time. "i don't know what the word is english but im responsible for the entire unit and go to most calls because i'm...." he paused, trying to word in in english. he shook his head and spoke very fast in his native language "uh, i'm the top? i don't know how to say this." he laughed nervously. unbeknownst to you, both of these things were lies. his english was that of a native speaker's, hell, his english was probably better than yours. and that "police work" of his wasn't exactly as innocent and naive as he put it, the call about teenagers graffitiing buildings nor the call about the cat stuck under the family car were true. simple lies that made him look like a hero. someone to trust. how doesn't someone trust a giant that helps everyone. it tugged at your heart strings when he told you about an elderly woman that fell victim to an online dating scam- that one got you annoyed in particular, feeling enraged on behalf of some older woman that didn't exist nor did he save from wire fraud. he made all of it up to gain your trust. he wanted you to believe he was the local police chief with no hard crimes such as murder or rape to deal with. you admired this. the first outsider you meet is an older, native austrian working with the police helping and saving people.
that was charm. charming to you.
"well, if you give me a few hours i would be able to meet up tonight for drinks, im sure theres a bar nearby." you laughed as you handed his black cased phone back to him. you thought the suave was radiating off you, asking him out so calmly without fidgeting or shaking. you'd be thinking about him all day.
könig didn't want to wait. he wanted to push you back in the door where you'd fall on your ass and struggle to get up to defend yourself. even if you kicked and shoved you would be no match for his taller and bulkier frame. you were short and petite, without a weapon you were a frail mouse with no defense. even if locks were on the doors, he had a bobby pin laying about. he made a mental note of the locks and if needed, how he could make his way in.
not now. and not tonight. he would have to give it a few weeks for the chemistry to brew and bake until you felt comfortable with him. he knew his physique in itself was intimidating- which he loved to use to his own advantage.
"yes, of couse! although i have to be in the office early tomorrow so i can not be out until 3 or 4 in the morning." he had training at that time. if he wasn't asleep by midnight he would be an agitated mess at the gym. he had recently acquired a handful of new recruits that he would need to train this week. all the paperwork had been filled and finished last week so now the physical workouts called. he was curious to see how many would dropout within this week- maybe he would tell you that to fit along with his policeman job like an average civilian not a colonel from what some believed to be a terrorist group.
you hummed in response. "new recruits i have to train, i am curious to see how many will leave in the following weeks." he exhaled. knowing his time was running out and he would need to leave your doorstep. last thing he needed to do was give you the creeps and make you worried. you smiled at his comment, letting out a small chuckle.
"i hope they all stay, you seem to be a good trainer." you closed your eyes, crows feet appearing around your temporarily closed eyes. "you have a lot of muscle. that's something to be proud of, i can barely move my boxes around."
"ah, thank you, (y/n), i know for some it can be hard to stay focused and work out every day. it takes viel bestimmung oder ausdauer" he laughed, apologizing for not knowing the words in english. secretly, he hoped you would know but another part of him hoped not. he was cruel and calculated, he would keep you locked away and speak only in german and watch as you become more and more confused, frustrated and scared with the language barrier. just that thought made his heart pound a little faster. he didn't want to torture you- rather scare you into obedience and submission. as long he didn't physically hurt you then there was no harm in what he intended on doing. he reminded himself that and repeated it again to keep his head on straight. "and i can help you with the boxes, i don't want you to hurt yourself."
your eyes brightened at this idea. a godsend, you thought. you dreaded those boxes stuffed in the corner of your room. it was quite the eye soar and bothered you. the boys that lived above you were nice enough to help you move all of your stuff in, besides the heavier things like the entire refrigerator or microwave which you surely weren't able to install nor the heavier boxes filled with a myriad of trinkets.
"i didn't feel like brining half of the stuff in the boxes and coming back downstairs. it would take me too long." you sighed, scratching the side of your cheek. "i also have to install the microwave and fridge and i still have to call the maintenance guys." you half laughed partly out of embarrassment, still smiling nonetheless.
könig laughed at how flustered you looked with your cheeks turning into a bright pink. it reminded him of rose flowers. "i don't mind doing all of that right now for you, (y/n). only if you have time." with this he realized that you literally just have moved in. how could you not have these things set up by now? he was going to take you before any of the locals realized that you were settled down and lived there.
"well, i certainly do." you opened the door a bit wider for him. you sat the bread basket down on a high table adorned with your housekeys, a dish filled with rocks and photo of who he assumed was your family back home. he watched you slip off your flats, grab the basket and walk into what he guessed was your kitched. he also followed suit with his shoes not trying to be rude or give you any hint that he was off. you met him no longer than two hours ago and he was alone with you in your fucking house. gently, he placed both of his shoes side by side thinking how stupid you were. imagine, if he was malicious or had a gun? you would be robbed and dead by now. yet, you were a caring little thing. too innocent for this world. too innocent for him. all he had to do was rush you and choke you until you were unconscious and figure out a way to get out. he began to seriously contemplate thing noting the door behind him and the slightly open windows letting a draft in with open blinds as he made he way behind you.
there you stood, back to him with your hands on your hips. the refrigerator was laid horizontally on the wooden floor. granted, it was a small apartment but it could fit two people. it was most definitely built for students. the microwave laid door up on the kitchen countertop. könig found solace in how normal this all was, like he was an old friend using his muscle to help you move in or a couple just moving into a new apartment. he enjoyed the ladder more than the former by a longshot.
"im thinking the fridge goes here." you motioned to an empty spot in the kitchenette next to a plus, undoubtedly where the old tenants had it. könig watched you slide around with your white ankle socks on. he was jolting every few minutes with a primal instinct to cover your mouth and threaten to kill you if you didn't comply. he would never hurt you, just empty threats to keep you from running or screaming...or both. könig's mind went blank responding with nods and hums as you talked about where the fucking microwave should go. you should go, go with him to his place on the other side of the city. he only came back into reality when you struggled to pick up the metal microwave, which was too heavy for your little bones to carry. he thought how stupid he must've looked...how creepy he must've looked as you picked the metal up with him solely staring at you.
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🍑, 🥦, 🥬, 🍒
for Storm, and
🍋(SORRY I HAD TO), 🍏, 🍇, 🥑
for Axelrod
Bonus I thought for a second about suggesting 🍏 for Finn and you can still answer it but then I had the thought he would say "Well, isn't everybody a little Queer?" and then leave it at that and that is making me laugh so much right now sorry
-@markbeakskisser
IM SORRY I. THOUGHT I POSTED THIS THREE DAYS AGO. In relation to the tags of this post I am already out of school. My last day was last Friday. Thank you a million for the ask I loved answering it. I don't know how coherent any of this post is, I was a madman when I answered it.
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Tumblr. Nuked my post and I am losing my mind having to retype it and I'm HOPING I remember all my thoughts but. Normally I save it as a draft like five different times when I know it's going to be a long post BECAUSE I don't wanna lose the whole thing but. It was 3:30am when I had first seen this and went to answer it and I was completely cracking up over that idea for Finn because. It's FITTING. Especially cause like. Going off his car model and when the movie came out that man is like. He's like 53 or something. So he totally grew up in a time where that was probably even more unacceptable and that would so be like the trying to cope responce that goes in to just saying it to mess with people. Your stereotypical gentleman who is suave and overly sappy romantic and likes buys roses and boxes of chocolates and would throw his suit jacket down over a puddle even though it's NOT necessary. Oh and he's also GAY.
I just. Or like some interview sort of thing and the interviewer asks him something and that's how he responds and there is just a lengthy silence before the interviewer is like "....no.?" And he's like "oh" and then has to take a sip from his wine IM. SORRY.I JUst. I don't know why I have so many thoughts on this. I haven't even gotten into saying thanks for giving me an entire fruitbasket worth of things to answer. I'm pretty sure if I was an animal in a zoo so much of my enrichment would just come from these.
I don't know how you're so good at this incorrect quotes things with them.
For J.ackson Storm:
I don't know how you telepathically magically knew I was thinking about him but I suppose they are all ping-ponging around in my head like cable TV screensavers. I proceeded to space out here and have about 40 minutes worth of my own entire imaginary thing but I really need to dedicate a day to just sitting and thinking about him because I like him a lot and thought about him a lot(he's the whole starting reason for my Cars thing and actually the one I ended up liking first), and if it wasn't for EventsTM my brain probably wouldn't be so clogged trying to think about him naturally. I. I haven't even started any of the asks I'm going to stop now. This is gonna be a long one isn't it.
🍑 - is your f/o more comfortable giving or receiving gifts? why? do they have any preferences on gifts they like receiving?
I feel like he'd be more comfortable receiving gifts because I feel like he would have a lot of trouble trying to get people gifts or having an idea on what to gift them. If it came up naturally(like he saw something that reminded him of someone else that they'd like) he'd probably have an easier time with it but if an event or holiday comes up he'd probably break in half. But also partly because of his popularity(he did a lot of online/iRacing/simulator competetive racing stuff, he was super good at it, and it's how he got offeree to race on actual tracks) he probably was used to being given things from winning events or from people that would support him. He's not very well rehearsed on what feelings are, so things like gift giving/recieving, which normally(keyword) involves feelings or knowing what other people would like sort of plays to his weaknesses.
I feel like if he ever did get anything that he was happy over getting, he probably wouldn't express it well(at all), but he'd either end up using it until he couldn't anymore(whether it's playing a video game till he's sick of it or something that is a 'practical tool' like a weighted blanket) or if it's a more sentimental/handmade thing he'd probably leave it on a high shelf where it couldn't get tampered with and perhaps most people wouldn't see it and be able to question him on it.
🥦 - does your f/o have any pet peeves? things that just really really get on their nerves? what are they and why?
This is a really interesting one because I feel like he has a lot of things that can upset him, so i gotta mull over which ones would fall under the line of being a pet peeve and which is just something that sets him off. I feel like he would not be able to do getting interrupted at all. And unless it's like someone he's really REALLY close with, I feel like he wouldn't be big on touch either. There are veryy few times where be might not care or he might reach out first but even then 98% of the time it's probably better to just ask him if you can or to just not worry about it, even if it's something like just patting him on the shoulder or whatnot. Even I ask, of course. Even if most the time I get a "yes" or "sure", just giving the choice makes a big difference.
🥬 - what are some beige flags your f/o has? so, not bad, but not nessecarily good either. just. "oh. you do This."
These flag things always trip me up because in my head from my understanding red flags are like "Hey, you should probably end the relationship over this, it's pretty bad" but then I'll hear things like people saying it's a red flag to do something that is completely arbitrary and I can't tell if I've lost my mind or they've lost my mind. Then again, I'm kinda super biased even with beige flags because there are very few, if any things that my F/Os can do that I'll be like "://" over, yknow? Cause like, if they did something that off-put me that much I probably wouldn't like them that much! Am I reading into this too much? I probably am.
However. If we're talking from an OUTSIDE perspective, like what other people might consider beige flags for him, there's a right amount of things I could say because he was one of the ones that I got critisizm for liking him. I feel like how quickly he gets frustrated over things might be something that would get pointed out, cause in the book about his backstory, after something like getting sensory overloaded on a couple occasions he would get really upset/angry to the point of storming off(cough pun intended). But I also completely understand that and I think that adds to my bias😅. And I'm sure many would be turned off by his cold demeanor.
🍒 - if your f/o and you spend a day doing anything, anything at all, what would they do and why?
Okay, I really like this question because I get to talk about how he spends 90% of his freetime just playing through racing simulators. But I need to you picture the whole complete setup of having the wheel and pedals and things that you hook up to your computer and like the several monitors. Like a dedicated room or corner of a room to it. And that's what he spends most of his time doing. He is online a lot but his social media presence does not exist it all. He is not very outdoorsy either so if we are spending the day together a lot of it will be spent either playing games together(sometimes I can convince him to try out another game with me) And most the time, even if we are playing together on like an Xbox controller or something, I'm still spending about the whole session just fawning over his skills at it. Sometimes I can grab his attention with something else for a little bit if I end up cooking or knitting or such. You should've absolutely seen the face he pulled and reaction he had over me knitting.
------
For Axlerod:
🍋 - if your f/o could change one thing about themselves, what would they change and why?
Okay, I was giggling at first at the fact that you picked lemon for him because that's funny, and then I wanted to get into my story about how I actually really like lemons and sour candy is my favorite type of candy and whenever I get iced tea at restaurants I always take the lemon slice and just eat it and don't squeeze it in the tea but the FACT THAT THIS IS THE QUESTION TO IT IM. It's too early in the morning for this.
Okay I'm going to be real here IM GOING TO BE REAL HERE. Once I stop losing my mind. Truthfully. Okay. BECAUSE of the whole lemon thing. I do think he would have several answers for what he'd want to change about himself because asides from money and power that man IS insecure. I've already talked about my headcannon of him wearing his hat and like nevveerrr ever taking it off because it helps hide his curly hair right. That's why I have to squeeze him and love on him until a proper ego about his geniune self starts to form. And definitely not because I'd do it anyway regaurdless. Totally. I mean he is literally the kingpin of the lemons(movie captions call him kingpin, their words not mine!!), that man is messed up. Society probably tried to maul him. Humanized version of what a lemon is is nearly just any minority ever. Breaks down a lot? Faulty? Doesn't work right? Gets slander souly just for looks, typically ones they can't control? I mean, even asides from things like rust and dents and whatnot, cars like Acer's typically worked fine, but they got dubbed "fishbowl"(it's also his lisence plate) because of how they looked and it was the running gag. What gets dubbed a lemon is bulleted point #2 for why I cry over his speach, in this essay I will-
🍏 - if you have any queer headcanons for your f/o, how did they realize they were queer?
It's funny because for a long time when I was still sorting out how I identified, I was genderfluid at the time, and so I just dubbed all the characters I liked as pan and called it a night. I still do that now for a few reasons but then we will get off topic into my entire gender identity story! But also because of that, I don't have very proper elaborate stories of them realizing their feelings and such. There are a select few of them where I might have more particular queer headcannons or have more of a story for them, but I do think for Axlerod it would be something that he'd known about himself for a while. Like a longgg while. And he probably has moments of openly showcasing it or supporting it with pride flags and whatnot without caring about any negative stuff he might receive. He has to at least have one big open indulgence in it during pride month. I normally am more quiet during pride month but I don't mind indulging with him cause it makes him smile(I say, at 6 in the morning with half-lidded sleepy eyes and the most "I have a problem" smile of a grin).
🍇 - if you and your f/o never met, what do you think your f/o would be doing right now?
Oohhhhmigosh. Blowing up the planet, probably? /joking. There's this whole entire thing in the story of him getting a little more tame in his havoc and it becoming slightly noticeable to others, because his vengeful scheming against the world eases up a bit now that he has someone to keep him a bit straight and that also doesn't want to kick him to the curb for him doing human things like. Being strange or a bit unconventional. And also because he now has an animal at home(me) to take care if and put time and energy into. And feed sandwhiches. So if we hadn't met, he'd probably still be just as unhinged as ever, if not a bit more destructive. Heck, I shudder to think about where myself would be if it wasn't for my F/Os! So maybe we'd meet in the midst of wrecking havoc(Kane can not cope with the concept of him and F/Os not meeting).
🥑 - is there any niche topics your f/o is interested in? what are they and why do they like them?
OKAY. I WISH I HAD GONE INTO BETTER DEPTH IN THIS DURING THE MOVIE WHEN WE WERE WATCHING IT. I don't know how niche this really is but I really like it. But with the whole newspaper thingy and it talking about the like Abyssian Desert that he crossed and the whole "around the globe" thing for the World Grand Prix like. I think he just enjoys doing that stuff. Which I suppose it's like yknow he is/has a Land Rover! Of course he does! But a Land Rover doesn't HAVE to do anything!! There are plenty that just go around on motorways! I think he just likes doing that stuff just for fun. That slight smile and sad pathetic wink(I love him) was not the same maddening smile during the Mel Dorado show and next to the Queen of England that say "I should probably be interrogated over something." Kane do NOT pull out pictures and clips. Even if they're in good quality. Maybe. Maybe later. Later. We can do that later in the day.
But I think he just enjoys going out and exploring. Going on like hikes or something. Ohmigosh it's. 6 in the morning and I'm covering my face and closing my eyes and giggling. Yes I've been working on this post for the past three hours straight, I've loved every second of it. I accidentally. Just typed. "-I've loved every second of him" and if that doesn't confirm my brain has been sucked into a hole then I don't know what does.
But anyway. I also really enjoy that stuff. Which is partly why I want a Jeep and why I like going on really long walks and just wandering into bits of land that I probably shouldn't be trespassing. We need to take a hike or something.
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ovinophobia · 2 months ago
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Ok my biologist brain needs to be satisfied:
Does your body work like a human's ? Or something else ? Like, are your bones shaped in a different way ? Do you have a heartbeat ? Do you even need to eat ? Or are you just... Void inside ? Like no organs ?
And is it the same for Alternates ?
oh my GOD I LOVE YOU FOR THIS I'VE BEEN WANTING TO EXPLAIN THIS FOR SO LONG HSHS
wayy too long explanation under the cut
answering this ooc,,,,
gabriel has smtn fairly close to the same biology/internal systems that a normal person would have, except that its more mechanical (i'm not too sure that makes sense ,,)
it's immune to (most) disease, has an infinitely slower metabolism (hence the need to not eat too much, since it takes so long to fully break down.. that + a general disliking for how it feels to eat/drink)
his bones are the same as a persons, although, a bit more ?? flexible?? if that makes any sense ??
theyre more flexible/weaker so he can change his body shape, height, facial structure, etc,,,
(sorta following what i said about his body running a bit more mechanically ↓ )
gabriel ONLY has vital organs (excluding his stomach, but tbf, it's small enough to the point where it can barely eat a sandwich)- he didn't see the others as "fit" so, as a result, got rid of any non-vital organs (spleen, appendix, reproductive organs, etc)
he does have a heartbeat, but it's much closer to artificial in order to appear more alive than he is if that makes any sense ??
gabriel wouldn't die entirely if his heart stopped beating (as i said, it's more artificial.. it's already barely beating as is) but he WOULD have to take a day or two to get his body up nd running again
he still does need to eat/drink occasionally, but doesn't most of the time if he has the choice not to (this doesn't have a specific reason other than his preference)
i feel some of this doesn't make too much sense biology wise but i do NOT know how to elaborate further for gabriel specifically ,, im going off of the fact that hes lucifer nd wtv, so rather than him needing a fully functioning body, he made/chose this one to tinker with until it looked decent enough for him (i.e.: removing the organs because he didn't believe he would need them)
ALTERNATES RAFH
they don't have blood,, or at least, don't bleed as easily as humans do; they CAN be harmed, although it takes a lot to do so (i.e.: setting an alternate on fire would probably do a little bit of damage, but not to a fatal point)
their skin has a really rubbery consistency, making it hard to pierce !!
they have blood vessels, veins, wtv, but they walls around them are a lot thicker (like a giraffe ^_^)
they don't have any bones (no i don't know how this would make sense movement or structure wise, but they just,, don't,, if they did, then it'd only be the spine, skull, scapula, sternum, maybe pelvis??) so that they can take whatever shape/form they like, allowing them to turn into people, animals, blobs (???) whenever they wish
they don't necessarily have organs? mainly to prevent problems when changing form/because gabriel imo didn't believe it to be efficient nor necessary + they're still artificial.. they're not real people, nor entirely alive
they eat, but only for the pleasure of eating ! it doesn't serve a purpose whatsoever
alternates are virtually just mass,, something to take up space- they don't have much of a sentience, either; they were made for one purpose (inflict MAD onto people) and follow that said purpose
there are gonna ofc be some cases where they gain sentience, occasionally morality, except extremely rare (simple defect that gabriel ignored/assumed wouldn't happen)
PLEASE tell me if i left anything out. i adore explaining this typa stuff thank you so much for this ask ohmy god
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musewritingsforyou · 2 years ago
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A Normal? Day
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Summary: A normal day in the life of Beacon Hills Favorite Couple
Warnings: unbearable Fluff, plot points that wont make sense just yet
Word Count: 1.6k
A/N: I realized I dont have any of my Stiles work updated yet! This is just a short little oneshot to show people what my stiles writing will kind of be like. I wrote it to be included in a season rewrite that I am doing but It didnt fit great so now im just giving it to you for fun!
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*somethings that wont make sense to you will be explained if you go read my series rewrite in the next few weeks!*
A normal day in a supernatural world. 
Step one, wake up. 
Waking up is a long process for me. My lovely hyperactive boyfriend did what he always does for me each morning, wake up about thirty minutes before me, sit there as still as he can (which is not very still) to let me sleep in, give up after ten minutes and then get out of bed. Stiles woke up at six this morning, playing with my hair as I slept before he finally got out of bed. Like every morning since we started doing this, he placed his pillow and a spare flannel in my arms so I wouldn't  ‘get cold and lonely’, and then went to get himself ready for school. This was a relatively short process, throw on some pants, decide between a sweatshirt or a flannel, find the backpack and then he's pretty much done. For me on the other hand, it's a little different.
“y/n/n, I gave you five extra minutes. You gotta get up.” I groaned and moved the pillow that was in my arms to cover my face. To my disappointment Stiles took it off and started peppering me with kisses until I opened my eyes with a scowl on my face.
“I love you but I really hate you.” He gave me a classic Stiles grin as he moved backwards off of the bed. 
“I know, you make sure to tell me that every time I wake you up.” 
After walking out the door, and then back to it within seconds to make sure I was actually getting up, Stiles went downstairs to make some coffee and left me to get ready. I was running late, per usual, but by the time I made it to the car all of my things were there waiting for me, along with Stiles who held out a travel cup of coffee just the way I like it and forcibly handed me a banana.
“Eat.” I shook my head and motioned for him to drive. 
“Too early, If I eat right now I'll actually puke all over your car.” He started the car and drove with one hand as he kept the banana extended. 
“Babe, we do this every morning and every morning I remind you that-” I snatched the fruit from his hand as I finished his sentence. 
“Breakfast is important and if you don't eat it in three hours you're going to come to me during class with a panicked look on your face telling me you think you're about to pass out. I know, I remember.” 
I sound sarcastic like this every morning, but even through the snide remarks and the occasional unnecessary and undeserved insult, Stiles still looks at me like I'm the answer to the universe.
Step two, school. For this one I recommend that you don’t do what I manage to do every year, fill your schedule with all honors and AP classes, zero breaks or study halls, and more than three extra-curriculars.
I won't bore you with the rather slow details of a highschool senior. I will however give you this, classes are hard, I don't think I will ever be able to use a red pen in my entire life, and with each passing day somehow I find a way to be even more stressed than the day before. 
The day ended with me sitting on a bench with Lydia and Malia, watching our boys play lacrosse from across the field and inevitably laughing our asses off whenever either of them would look over to make a face at us and get tackled or hit with something from the field. Ah the simple pleasures, you know? As we both waited for Stiles and Scott, Lydia and I spread our various school textbooks out on the bench in front of us, in all about sixteen heavy books set open as we studied. When Coach finally blew his whistle with one ear shattering blow after another the boys ran to us, practically dripping in sweat. Stiles bound up the bleachers, skipping some of the steps and leaned down in front of me, waiting for a kiss. I didn't look up from my textbook, and neither did Lydia as she responded to the boys while hovering over her calculus homework.
“Nice try boys, but before you even think about going anywhere but a dog kennel, you need to take showers.” There were a few mumbled protests but again without looking up she shooed them with her hands. 
“Come on, off you go.” I giggled a little as they marched away in defeat, their cleats making a crunching sound when they reached the grass. 
Step three, finally to get home, only to have to go to a pack meeting. 
Like every other Friday the pack all met in Scotts living room, this time all agreeing to stay away from anything breakable. I promised Melissa I wouldn't let them destroy the house while she was out, and I keep my promises. At the moment there were no big problems. Though I still wince a little when I say it, it seems like everything in Beacon Hills is… normal. As weird as that sounds. But we still meet once a week, every week it becomes more of a group study/hangout than a real meeting, but spending time with our friends was more valuable than any solution we had come up with before. The only issue to discuss at this meeting was me. I wouldn't call it an issue exactly, but after finding out about my… species? People? Clan? I don't know what to call it, but after finding out about what I am, we still have almost no information about what that really means, for me or for them. 
“Liam, as much as I appreciate the input, I don’t think being a truth seeker literally means that I can cheat on multiple choice tests. Even if it did, morally I will tell you again, cheating is a bad thing, and also none of my classes use multiple choice.” 
They all tried their best to put Stiles and I at ease, telling us that in time we would figure it all out. But that was the thing, we didn't have time. We’re seniors just a few months from leaving this town for college, and once I leave I don't see myself flying across the country once a week just so that I can make sure I know the “truth” of Beacon Hills. The sun finally set and Stiles and I said our goodbyes, walking hand in hand out the jeep before heading to his house for the night. 
Step four, stay up until three in the morning looking for answers about what supernatural powers you have. yeah , I know, that one's a kicker. 
As soon as Stiles and I stepped foot in the door of his room we threw off our bags and changed into sweatpants. I took the flannel he gave to me this morning and placed it over my tank top as we stood in front of his clear board as if waiting for an idea to come to us by itself. The board was still blank, nothing there but a picture of me and Stiles together at the lookout in the woods. A little reminder that no matter what crazy ideas are thrown onto this board, we always have each other. We settled into our usual spots, Stiles standing and pacing in the middle of the room while I spread books and papers out over his bed, laying on my stomach and staring into the pages. 
Finally, Step five, wait for the full frustration to kick in, and then once it's there, find a cute boy to calm you down.
I was laying flat on my stomach with four books in front of me, two from school, two from Lydia on the supernatural. I was hoping that in between my AP calculus homework and my college physics textbook I could figure out something new about my identity. News flash, it wasn't working. I groaned at the words in front of me, frustrated that for some reason the letters were swimming in and out. I took the books (all four of them) and slammed them shut before throwing them aggressively onto the ground in front of Stile’s bed and then taking the papers and just tossing them onto the air without any thought of aim or purpose. Stiles stopped pacing and stood still in front of his board, which now had a few red squiggles here and there along with the photo and a horrible attempt at drawing a wolf. He turned slowly to me with a marker in his hands.
“You good?”
“Not really.” He nodded and walked over, sitting beside me on the edge of the bed and putting the marker down. While I was still lying on my stomach he placed a hand on my back and rubbed it slowly.
“baby, do you know what time it is right now?” I placed my head in my hands and responded. 
“No. Do I want to?” 
“No, but I'm going to tell you anyway. It's three in the morning.” I said nothing and just signed into my hands. Stiles ignored my angry sighs and continued. 
“Babe do you know what that means?” I shook my head. 
“Well first of all it means that you are probably exhausted, which is why you're getting so frustrated with yourself, but more importantly it means that we have two hours before that night time diner downtown closes.” I looked up fast. 
“Are you talking about the one with the pie, and the fries and the shakes.” He looked at me very seriously and nodded. Without another word I popped up on the bed and threw on a pair of crocs.
 “Stiles, no matter what I say in the mornings when you wake me up, I love you so much I think you might even be higher on my list than eating pie at three in the morning.” He gave me a broad smile and kissed me on the cheek. 
“Say no more, love.”
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beatcroc · 9 months ago
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Okay I finally generated an ask for you!!!!
What is your favourite genre of music? Or if you don't know how to categorize the music you listen to (like me), what is your favourite song? Or band? Or album? Something like that.
ohhhhh #1 question i am categorically incapable of being normal about <3
i typically just define my favorite music as "loud" or "aggressive" or "abrasive" bc most stuff that fits those descriptors will be in my faves regardless of the genre.
a more specific answer is that there are 3 main things i've noticed that will typically make me go apeshit without fail and they are: 1. hardstyle/gabber/industrial hardcore- sorta basskick 2. sickass metal guitar shredding 3. huge dramatic grandiose orchestral
if something has 1 of these i will probably like it, if it has 2 it will be a top fave, and all 3.... well i have yet to find it yet but im sure i will Ascend. here are examples of said top fave combos.
laur covers hardstyle+orchestral and i Cannot Get Enough of his shit man it goes so fucking crazy hard
metal+orchestral is unquestionably ruled by nightwish, but theyre not on bandcamp and i dont feel like finding other links so this one goes to the still-very-fucking-awesome runner-up, POWERWOLF
riikira and rabbitjunk hit metal+hardstyle, though it's less strictly hardstyle and more just general hardcore* electronica. if its got crazy amens its enough who cares. i put the ones that use actual kicks for the sake of illustrating the point here but these tracks are both pretty far from my faves from each lmao *hardcore referring to hardcore [edm] in this case, even though the genre these belong to is called "digital hardcore", which instead refers to hardcore [punk]. it's a mess out here. did you know theres two completely different things called doomcore where one is derived from metal and the other is derived from hardcore. and you never know which itsd going to be when you click on something in the doomcore tag. im dying squirtle
anyway on the other side of the hardstyle+metal combo is kobaryo [with his alias blaxervant], who's much more about the hardcore side of things and just has the metal as flair, but it is still: the best shit ever
laur also on occasion hits this side of hardstyle+metal becaue he just likes using whatever the fuck instruments
there are of course many other things i love a lot, primary examples being ambient/atmospheric, folk, and anything with a lot of Texture. im not gonna get into all that but i do have an extended list of faves/recs from the last time i was asked about this and went insane abt it. it took forever to make and my actual recs are not entirely the same as my Faves so im putting it on here too.
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i keep these curated to the top of my bandcamp profile so they're the first things that display there. it's a bit old by now and some have since been shuffled out, but it's still like 80% accurate.
as for the actual recs: the angel's message is there because it's my fave brand of intense and chaotic stuff and want it to kill you full force. it already has some tracks up there so im not re-linking it
this one i recommend just because i think it's really interesting and out there and i'm curious what other people think of this sort of stuff. it's also the prime example of what i mean when i talk about Textures in music.
wolfgun is an actual rec for being genuinely just really good music. probably the most objectively cool/platonically enjoyable thing in my library
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spacecadet-ticklesinspace · 7 months ago
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Triple Threat
Summary: Harry tried to hide a cold and it did not end well---well, sort of.
(More tickle stories will be posted soon after I finish a few things at work, but enjoy some Harry whump with over protective dad Norman until then ❤️ :))
It took Harry a moment to understand what the voice was saying to him.
"M-mr. Osborn? A-are you okay?"
Harry tried to answer, but the dizziness made his stomach roll.
A hand touched his shoulder then immediately pulled away. "Mr. Osborn! Y-you're burning up!"
Harry tried another attempt at answering, but he couldn't get a word out around his coughing fit.
"I-Im going to get someone." Footsteps started taking off away from him. "D-dont move!"
With the intern gone, Harry leaned against the wall. Evrything ached and he felt as if he was dying. Yet he tried pushing upwards to get himself standing before the dizziness made it difficult.
He thought he heard voices coming back, but everything sounded muffled.
As the younger Osborn pitched forward, hands came out to steady him. "Harry!"
"D-dad---," Harry squeaked through his sore throat.
"What's wrong? Are you sick? Did you fall?"
"I-I found him like this s-sir."
"I believe you Miss." Norman's other hand pressed against his son's forehead. "Thank you for all of your help. I'll take over from here."
With that, Norman led Harry downstairs.
"Talk to me Harry. What's going on?"
"M'fine."
"You're burning up, you can't stand without tipping over, your face is extremely pale and flushed, and your voice sounds horse when you talk. Clearly something's wrong."
"I--I'm sorry---," the younger Osborn broke into another coughing fit.
"We all get sick son. I'm just worried about you is all."
"St-still."
Norman helped Harry into his car. "Let's get you home."
"Okay."
After ensuring Harry was buckled in, Norman closed the car door and jumped into the driver's seat. "Still need those symptoms."
"Dizzy. . . Pain. Throat . . . Ears. Chest tight. . . H-hot."
Harry had to give his dad credit. He tried to look calm throughout the ride. But even in his fever ridden mind, the younger Osborn could see the white knuckle grip his dad had on the steering wheel and the worried glances he gave as they sped way above the speed limit on the way home.
The entire way, Harry fought to stay awake. He wanted to assure his dad he was okay so he would actually relax. However, his fever pulled him into sleep despite the pain and chills he was experiencing.
Meanwhile, Norman Osborn was an internal wreck!
Harry had seemed off the past few days, but he had been helping Otto with an upcoming project down in the lab while Peter was out sick. He had assumed it was just allergies mixed with exhaustion and even Harry had agreed.
Yet, here his son was, dying in his front seat!
Well---dying might be a strong word, but it sure felt that way to Norman's overprotective brain. So as soon as they were parked at home, Norman pressed two fingers just under Harry's jaw to check for a pulse.
"Still there." The older Osborn then moved his fingers down the sides of his son's throat. "Throat feels swollen though."
It took a bit of doing, but finally Norman got Harry upstairs and into a change of clothes. However, the sight of a rash creeping up his son's neck that he hadn't noticed around the collar of his dress shirt sent him into another panic.
That's when his phone rang. "Hello."
The phone kept ringing. Norman hadn't even picked it up yet.
He answered it this time. "Hello."
"Mr. Osborn?"
"Peter. Is everything okay? I can't talk much right now."
"Is everything okay on your end? We saw you leave with Harry."
"He's sick and I can't figure out with what."
"Hold on." There was a shuffle and Peter's voice came back a second later. "Okay, I have you on speaker."
A new voice entered. "Norman?"
The older Osborn huffed. "I don't really have time for a social call."
"I know." There was the sound of Otto shuffling some things around. "Do you want me to come over and take a look at him?"
"Why?"
"Didn't you know Mr. Osborn?" Peter piped up. "Otto has his medical degree."
Norman's eye brows shot up. "What?"
"Yeah!"
". . . When?"
"I had to do something in college." Otto sounded as if he were walking back and forth. "I was bored."
That comment pulled a smile from Norman. "Show off."
"Paid off in the long run. Someone has to keep these three alive."
"Hey!" Peter exclaimed.
Otto chuckled. "Lovingly, you three often have problems with self-preservation."
It sounded like Peter let out a huff, but it wasn't out of anger or annoyance.
"I can come over as soon as you need me Norman."
The older Osborn nodded. "Now would be great."
"On our way."
The call ended immediately, but Norman knew it was just so they could get here. While he waited, the older Osborn shifted Harry around to make him more comfortable.
In less than ten minutes, Otto had arrived with Peter.
Norman gently shook Harry awake. "That was fast."
"Would have been here sooner, but someone had to obey the speed limit," Otto teased.
Peter smiled as he rolled his eyes. "Getting pulled over by the police would have taken even longer."
"Fahair Ihi guess." Otto set a bag on the bed. "Hello Harry."
Harry lifted his hand in a small wave.
"Alright, one of you two start giving me symptoms to work with."
"Dizziness, fever, cough, swollen and sore throat, complaints of ear pain and chest tightness, and the formation of a rash on his neck and chest," Norman listed before Harry could even think of speaking.
Otto's eyebrows knitted together as his eyes clouded with worry. "That's an . . . interesting list of symptoms."
"Why? What does it mean?"
"Not sure just yet." Otto fished a set of latex gloves out of his bag. "But we'll figure it out."
After putting on his gloves, Otto started by examining the rash on Harry's chest and neck. "Does it hurt at all son?"
Harry gave a shrug.
Meanwhile, Peter also put on a pair of matching gloves. He looked like he'd done this countless times before.
"Hmm," Otto hummed as he gently felt along the sides of Harry's throat. "Definitely swollen. . . Light please."
Peter fished a small pen flashlight out of the older scientist's bag.
"Thank you," Otto replied as he took the flashlight then gently placed his fingertips on the side of Harry's face. "Open for me please."
The younger Osborn opened his mouth and let Otto shine the light inside.
"Very interesting."
Peter started and leaned over Otto's shoulder. "Are those his tonsils?"
Norman tensed.
"Mh-hm." The older scientist also adjusted so he could see the roof of Harry's mouth before pulling away. "You said chest tightness and a cough too?"
Norman nodded.
"Stethoscope."
Peter handed Otto the device.
"Thank you." Otto placed the stethoscope in his ears. "Harry, take a deep breath for me."
As the younger Osborn complied, Otto took a listen to his lungs.
"Good. Now, give me a cough."
It took a moment, but finally Harry broke into a coughing fit.
The older scientist was still for almost a minute as he listened, then he raised one eyebrow.
"What?" Norman moved a step closer. "What's wrong?"
Otto held up his hand as he took out the stethoscope. "Harry, have you coughed up anything?"
The younger Osborn nodded as he coughed.
"Did it have a color to it?"
Another nod and a grimace.
"Thought so." Otto switched out his stethoscope for an otoscope. "Turn your head for me please."
Once Harry had, Otto used the otoscope to peer into the younger Osborn's ear. He then had Harry turn the other way to repeat the process on the other ear.
Norman noticed Harry flinch a bit. "Otto."
The older scientist handed the otoscope to Peter before grabbing a thermometer and placing it under Harry's tongue.
Norman couldn't wait any longer. "Otto, please. What's wrong with him?"
"I can promise you it's not some sort of rare, strange disease if that's what you're thinking." Otto took the thermometer when it beeped so he could read it. "101. Not bad, but not the best."
"Why's that?" Peter asked.
"High fever means a worse infection. Not good for strep throat, a double ear infection and what sounds like acute bronchitis."
Peter's eyes widened. "Wow."
"How?" Norman added.
"Welcome to the complexity of the human body." Otto removed his gloves. "My guess is the 'allergies' he's had the last few days has actually been a cold."
Harry looked away from the older scientist.
In response, Otto smoothed down his hair. "All that matters right now, is getting you better.
"How did he get so bad so fast?" Peter asked.
"When your immune system is weakened other sicknesses can creep in. That's why they want you to rest and keep things sterile in doctor's offices. This way other things can't make you worse."
"Makes sense."
Otto turned to Norman. "Amoxicillin should treat the strep throat and ear infections while a medication like cough syrup should help treat the bronchitis."
"How long will he be in recovery?"
"A week at most before he's able to return to work. Probably a little more for the ear infections."
Norman turned to his son. "I'm not letting you out of my sight the entire time."
Harry gave a weak thumbs up. When Norman Osborn got into overprotective mode, there was nothing Harry could do or say to get him out of it. He would just have to go along with it until his Dad was covinced he was in fact fully better.
And the coughing fit he broke in to did not help his case.
Peter patted Harry's leg when he was done. "Good luhuck."
The younger Osborn stuck out his tongue at Peter.
"Alright yohou twoho." Otto repacked his bag and handed Norman some things. "Amoxicillin, cough syrup, and cough drops. Keep fluids in him and keep his head and shoulders propped up to help ease any coughing fits."
The older Osborn took the packages. "Thank you Otto."
One of Otto's actuators ruffled Harry's hair. "Anything for our son."
Harry blushed at the affection.
After Otto relayed all the instructions Norman needed, he and Peter headed back to Obscorp to finish up with some work.
Once they were gone, Norman turned back to Harry. "You are confined to this bed until further notice, and you are going to rest."
The younger Osborn slumped.
"Don't worry." Norman sat down on the other side of Harry. "We'll make the most of it."
Harry tried to push his Dad back. "Contagious."
"I'm willing to risk it." Norman settled back into his spot. "If it means getting to take care of you."
Harry blushed even more at the affection, but he couldn't hide the smile on his face.
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rel124c41 · 9 months ago
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I suck horribly at actually talking to people but I NEED to make it known how much I've loved and enjoyed your jade fics!!! Every single one has been a total banger., i've been fed so well.
I absolutely loved the readers lack of autonomy in your japanese folklore fic (im typing off memory so my spelling of everything will be off) they didn't have a choice in anything. fish wife <3 I'll admit I was a little confused with the Garappo, i truly thought it was some weird suicide until Jade later mentioned it. And why Floyd mentioned his brother dying to one, (I honestly thought it was supposed to be jade creature)
AGHHHH fish wife??? really?? fish wife??? the ending was so delicious, i could almost visualize it. so lovely. the fear, lack of autonomy, the loss of all they've known, never knowing what's real and what's a fantasy. I'm not sure what you envisioned for their future, but I can imagine that lack of autonomy will be more of a pressing issue than it was. God, the view of that though!!! Someone you only remember when you're too hazy to be in the real world, someone that's been with you throughout your life, someone that's wanted you since you could remember. isn't that so romantic? Finally together where the sun can't part you, under the water.
i dont know how to really explain what im feeling, or what i think, but i feel like it's such a poignant visual to be killed by this Jade in that way. It feels like watching a puzzle you've been working on be completed, or reaching a new plot point in a game you like, it's this feeling of intrigue, anticipation, idk. I always get that feeling reading your fics and also HOLY FUCK THEYRE SO LONG!!!!!!
and dont think i've forgotten your other fics LOL im ready to talk about those too holy fuck. I don't have that much to say unfortunately, I really enjoyed them just as much but I'm far more speechless. The Jade fic based off of Mera's god! Floyd was... really nice. The altar scene felt like Jade was punishing them for something. That's just how the bee crumbles, though. "sadist" might not rhyme with "jade" but it's basically the same word anyway... I loved watching Jade's opinion of Reader change over the time skips, he goes from mild annoyance/hate or, idk, repulsion (?) to interest, to love (menace style).
The reader fulfilling nothing in the end was certainly something. I loved it.
I've never really had a family, so I can't understand reader's motivations in your "crowley finds a way to send Yuu home" fic, but it made me wish I had one. I enjoyed the ending, the usage of the ghost camera. Poor Jade, really. I don't have much to say, because I'm not personally a fan of angst.
I feel like I can safely say you're my favorite writer, even above Mera. (who i now know you're also a fan of!!! which is neat!!!!!)
i know i probably could've DMed you but I feel like an ask is more appropriate >:) i hope you enjoy the long ask, as an artist myself this is kinda like tags on my art, and i really feel like you deserve that happiness. not good at talking, my bad!!!!
oh the way this made my day, i’m on break for my 6-2 shift and just AAAAAAAAAA thank you thank you thank you for this ask (*≧∀≦*) i’m geeking over here man,, i’m so flattered
okay to answer the first thing about why Floyd mentions his brother got killed by one!! the entire point of him going there is to check if his future sibling in law opinion on yokai, his brother’s lovesick so Floyds on the case
he had to make the reader let him stay!! the idea of the garappa outside is more terrifying to the reader than letting in a stranger & he mentions his brother dying to one (falsely!!! he’s lying ofc!!!)
bc the reader’s like oh that sounds familiar for him to have a brother, that fits into place — doubled with the bath salts, it’s an ease slip inside the shrine
“the fear, lack of autonomy, the loss of all they've known, never knowing what's real and what's a fantasy.” dude why did you write Sundo better than me??? why did you write the whole thesis of Sundo in a more poetic and all around better way that i ever could holy shit
also if i was the reader i’d give into to be an umi bozu so easily,, like the eldritch beauty of becoming something truly incomprehensible, some Berserk-esque creature
like look at this!!!!! it would be so cool to be this!!!!! GIANT FISH WIFE!!!!
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AAAAA to be a huge monster loved and adored by your husband who stole/shares your immortal soul and infects your memory like a leech 💕💕
“It feels like watching a puzzle you've been working on be completed, or reaching a new plot point in a game you like,” AAAAA THANK YOU!!! ( ̄个 ̄) this particular part has me geeking,, i’m a big video game fan so to mimic that feeling of completeness, integrality!!!
and yeah i’m always worried about length bc i’m too fluent in yappanese when it comes to writing
the altar scene in Psilocybin was definitely a mixture of punishment and accepting them into his world — he’s always going to be salty that he does not know what fear tastes, smells, looks like upon the reader! (〃´∀`)
i’m a HUGE momma’s girl so that’s where the theme of Schism came from haha and i love Tool’s music — thank you for saying u like the ghost camera usage, i was worried the audience might not get this BUT reader does not end up leaving; that end scene is specifically with the fragment of her soul from the photograph on Jade’s desk
ALSO MORE THAN MERA???? AAAAA THATS CRAZY PRAISE 💕💕💕 (O∆O)
UM THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK <<<3 im tattooing it in my head forever!!!! also ure my first mutual and it’s such an honor bc you’re so incredibly talented and AAAA i’m still geeking 💕
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feathers-feathers · 1 year ago
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Bug Fables' deep lore is engaging in open warfare with my mental helath i swear to GOD I CAnt figure this tHE FUCK OUT IM GOING INSANE
Context: I'm trying to make a timeline. Bug fables took this personally.
The big question here that got me to break is what the fuck is the deal with Flower Gods? So I was writing an essay of sorts to try and figure it out as I go, then clean it up and post it when I came to a few satisfying conclusions, and maybe make a poll to see what others would prefer.
I have now lost at least a decade of my lifespan, and will be seeking reparations in the court of law. I'll post what I wrote below the cut, just be aware that it's not finished, will not be finished if I have a gun to my head, and jumps places every now and then because that's just how I roll in the drafting stage.
I hope to all the gods above that some of you can find sense where I have failed.
Beware: Here be dragons. (Also, it's quite long.)
BEGIN
Currently doing timeline shenanigans with Bug Fables. I learned something in the lore that will have a major impact in how that timeline manifests. The problem is that this lore detail isn't exactly straight-forward, and has multiple interpretations. I'd like to see some other thoughts on this matter before I make a decision. The lore in question is regarding the creation of the Flower Gods.
A reminder: There is a secret room in Snakemouth Den that displays information regarding the 3 Flower Gods. Prior to seeing this room, most I think didn't even know there were 3 - only knowing of Venus at the time. The other two are Mars and Pluto. These displays tell us a few things. Some information on the gods themselves: Venus is
Guardian: M-001 "Mars" Age: 361 Status: Stable
Guardian: V-012 "Venus" Age: 358 Status: Stable
Guardian: P-183 "Pluto" Age: 34 Status: Stable
This secret asks a whole bunch of questions and answers exactly none of them.
The first thought I see many people go to is that this, of course, confirms that the Roaches created them. However, there is dialogue from Venus herself stating "Ah, it still feels like it was yesterday when they were scurrying around the land trying to get stuff together!" Which doesn't say much, but sort of implies that she was around while the Roaches were still figuring things out.
But what about those designations, what do they mean? For something like this - and considering they all start with the first letter of the Guardian's name - I think it's, like, a version number.
If they were all created by the Roaches, then… wtf? So with Mars, they got it right on their very first try - congratulations, a fucking GOD is born - but their next Guardian took 12 attempts? What? And then Pluto took 183 attempts. And the time discrepancy is just…. weird. Wtf does this mean? The Roaches started off as the best scientists ever, getting everything correct on their first go, then suddenly dropping the ball off the face of the Earth and getting nothing right? For centuries? And after all of that, they consider the Sapling to be their greatest creation. Not any of the Actual Deities they supposedly made. And then they place two of these gods in… just… entirely different territories. Mars is in the Eastern lands. Lord knows where Pluto is, but not Bugaria, that's for sure. I do find this rather unpalatable.
If they weren't created by the Roaches - they were just studying them, trying to replicate their power - I think that fits some of this better. Especially that above quote by Venus. If she was around before the Roaches developed what they have now - the Roaches being the first bugs to awaken - then did she awaken before even them? If she - and, perhaps, Mars - were the first to awaken, then was the Day of Awakening only around 370 years ago? That would probably be the best case scenario for developing a timeline. It'd be the only True Date that can be nailed down, and make it a lot easier to place other dates around it by comparison.
But still… what's the deal with the version numbers? Perhaps the Guardians do not have true immortality, but ressurrective immortality? That would sort imply that Pluto might in fact be the first, and he's on his 183'd life. It would also mean that Mars would actually be the youngest of the gods. Despite being the oldest current version, he is still only on his First version - no deaths, no resurrections. This would also mean that Pluto died around the time the Roaches vanished. But also - if Pluto died 182 times prior to his current iteration… what the fuck kind of life is this guy living? Is he stuck in a death loop, wtf?
This is honestly just another discrepancy, to me. Lets be as conservative as possible and say that most of Pluto's lives were all around 30 years in length. This is so conservative as to be ridiculous, but let's just ignore that. 183 x 30 = 5490. That's Fucking Old - and I'm gonna say, just as ridiculous. Why, then, would the other two gods only have a few years of an age gap? This feels like a strong point towards the idea that the Roaches created them??? that the designations are version numbers before deployment and not ressurrective iterations???
Oh My God. What the fuck am I supposed to believe?
BREAK
This is where I officially gave up. I hate all of these ideas none of them are satisfactory. Bug Fables why do you hate me so muchae dsafsafgfghrdsgrdfeignbreoiatghnbfrabgifrhdfhdfghdfsghdfizghsregtbdfsgfcuigh
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vampzxi · 2 years ago
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untitled riri x black!afab!reader sneak peeks
it’s finished! read here: finish.
author's note: this is a WIP of a beach fic i started to write and im prob gonna post it soon. it's gonna be half fluff half smut i think, i'm not 100% sure yet. but yeah :3. i included 2 parts of it because i just think the second part is really cute. lmk if you wanna be tagged!! ^_^ @letitias-fav
part 1
“are we there yet?” you groaned, watching the irritation grow on riri’s face.
“i swear to god, ask me one more time and i’m crashing this bitch,” riri tapped the gps, checking the arrival time, “we only have 10 minutes left. you that damn excited to see me in a swimsuit?’
face turning hot, you look out the window and bite back a giggle. the answer was actually yes. riri never wears form fitting clothing, hell it’s been a while since you’ve seen her in anything but a hoodie and sweats. save for the occasional moment when y’all were-
“are you for real thinking about my ass right now?” riri asked, snapping you out of your thoughts.
you jumped, whipping your head back around to look at her, “what? no! you trippin, ri.”
“i could see your goofy ass smile in the window reflection. fucking freak,” she rolled her eyes in mock annoyance, “we’re close, i’m sure you’ll live.”
you leaned back in your seat and spent the rest of the ride listening to your playlist and continuing to annoy riri.
part 2
as soon as y’all got to the hotel, you immediately flopped onto the bed and kicked your sandals off. “finally,” you sighed, “i’m exhausted.”
riri came through the front door with both luggages. “ion understand how you so exhausted when all you did was sit and bitch the entire time.” she threw a pillow at you and it bounced harmlessly to the floor.
“hey!” you shot up, “i was also the DJ and snack-man.” 
“oh, my bad ma,” she climbed into the bed next to you and kissed you, “how could i forget?”
you gigged and reached for her hand, enveloping it with yours. you bought the back of her hand to your mouth, planting a kiss on it. “i can’t wait to spend this weekend with you, baby.”
riri snuggled under you, placing her head beneath your chin, “i am too. if you quit getting on my nerves i might just be able to have fun.”
you playfully swatted her arm as she dozed off to sleep, her breaths tickling your neck. you ran your fingers through her braids, playing with the ends until you fell asleep too; your chest rising and falling with ri’s.
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bonesandthebees · 1 year ago
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help, I am starting to lose myself in my glass ch28 brainrot note and I really want to finally put it together so I can shift into rose mode so im just gonna start putting my finished subsequents here
that being said dont expect any logical order whatsoever
1. wilbur vs the pythia + 2. others learning wilburs name
1. there was not a single slip into the pythia this is huge, didnt even get close to it and hes been so much more comfortable in his "wilbur", the progress just from before the palace is huge, like he told phil, it really did help him a lot to be able to move and and kill the pythia, leave it behind for good
and not just that, even his relationship with the title got better as a consequence of all this so when being called that while it did feel wrong it doesnt make him flinch, doesnt make him spiral or anything
its so satisfying to see it finally come to this, this is what the story has been going towards this whole time basically, or at least its the representation of wilbur finding himself which is the point of this story
2. I wonder if tommy felt a bit sad about wilbur telling his name to other people. bc it is losing a part of wilbur he only had for himself. and im sure that being happy for wilbur overweights it, but did he feel a sting of jealousy when he heard niki or tubbo use the name? I like to think he did, crimeboys unhealthy possesivity/dependence bond and all that. I like to think hes not perfect, even in his feelings about wilbur. feels fitting. and it shows that thoughts dont actually matter that much its how you act upon them/bc of them. nobody ever only thinks the right thing.
finally going to start working through your glass asks but don't expect any consistency with me answering these lol, I love hearing your thoughts though I promise!!
oh yeah I always knew from the start that I wanted the final chapter to be entirely 'wilbur' without slipping into 'the pythia' once. the pythia was left behind when the palace burned. wilbur is the one who survived. and now that he's finally accepted that he is a person, it's easier when he does get called the pythia because he knows that's not what he is anymore.
tommy was definitely a little bitter hearing others use wilbur's name. he's extremely possessive of wilbur's trust and liked being the only person who knew all these things about wilbur for the longest time. tommy's love for wilbur was never a proper healthy thing, and the dependency the two still have on each other is bound to cause problems in the future, but it works for them and tommy is able to put his jealousy aside for the time being because another part of him is still happy that wilbur has finally accepted his name and identity as his own
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raedas · 2 years ago
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hey i was just wondering how you figured out you were aro?? no pressure if you’re uncomfortable sharing of course ! but i’m kind of questioning and i thought maybe hearing other people’s experiences might help. and also i was in a relationship for almost a year so that’s probably somewhat significant and additionally complicating ahaha <333
hey anon!! first and foremost good luck with figuring everything out <33 i know at least for me, questioning can be a long and hard and typically ongoing process, but we'll make it through :] i'm gonna stick the rest of my answer beneath the read more bc im getting the sense im gonna go on for a bit FGDHLKSFAJ
one of the biggest things for me that i think is necessary to preface everything is that i've never really had an "oh" moment like some people talk about. there's never been a moment where i saw a label or a flag and was 100% sure i fit into that box, its more like... years worth of questioning and then the internal meter in my head slowly ticking over. like, when i was figuring out i was queer, i maybe started questioning in like... fifth grade you could say? but it started as more of a "oh im definitely not but like What if" and then gradually began to tick more and more towards "oh i think i might not be cishet" to eventually when i hit the... idk, 80% or 90% certainty mark it was more of a "fuck it, im queer" feeling. there's always going to be that bit of doubt for me, i think, and coming to terms with being aro was very similar for me in that regards
another thing is i was ALSO in a relationship for almost a year, and that's during the time when i was coming to terms with being aro/arospec, which im sure you can imagine was an Experience. i do think being in a relationship was the best thing for me trying to figure out i was aro though, bc i definitely got that sense of Wrongness of trying to think of myself as existing in a romantic relationship. like, when i thought of myself as having a romantic partner, it always felt a bit like i was playing at a part and acting like i had romantic feelings more than i actually did. of course that came with.. a lot of me trying to ignore my own feelings and feeling guilty about it up until i broke up with my now ex (this is like the funniest inside joke ever to us now dw) so that's where i was coming from w/ my experiences
i also began to realize that like, whenever i try to imagine myself in a romantic relationship, its always in some ambiguous future like 10 or so years down the line, which completely distances myself from the idea. i have no idea what a romantic relationship with someone would look like for me, it was just this idea of "yeah, someday in an ambiguous future ill have a romantic relationship with someone and we'll cook together and hug each other and have fun" until i realized that i don't actually want a romantic relationship, and also that... none of those things that i actually envisioned are exclusive to a romantic relationship. in my life ive had a grand total of 2 crushes, both of which were/are queerplatonic but also like... if i imagine having an Actual relationship its just stressful to me and not even really appealing, despite the fact that i have a crush on them.
one of the most important things im coming to terms is that its okay if im wrong, its okay if however many years down the line i find out that im actually entirely allo and fall in love with someone. like i said i dont know if ill ever be 100% confident in my own labels especially with the whole issue of "how do you prove a negative". for now, though, calling myself aro is something that makes me happy and feels, most of the time, accurate. another really important thing i think is that aromanticism is entirely a spectrum. you could be aromantic or arospec in a billion different ways*, or you could be none of them, and thats okay too <333 good luck with everything anon i hope hearing about my experiences helped a bit :]
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