#im not confident in myself so knowing that theres a handful of ppl out there who like my art ... its everything 2 me :.3

[this-isnt-oish]

really late art summary 2024... :,3

the template!

[gabrielapazlima]

Why do i ship Cuddlejump⚡️❤️

(Hoppy hopscotch x Bobby bearhug)

And how i see their dynamic being like!

if you guys follow me for a while you guys may already noticed my very normal adimiration for the ship between hoppy hopscotch and bobby bearhug from the smiling critters...its not like they are 90% of my art gallery and that i cannot shut the fuck up about this ship hahaha right?

well,yea,i really,really,REALLY like them- its a ship that i pratically came up with first than anyone and somehow other ppl ended up found of them....but why? Why does Gabriela da paz lima is so normally obcessed with the ideia of a green tomboy rabbit n a red carebear being a couple?

At fist you may think "Uhh it is probally because of the classic tomboy tough girl x soft girly girl archetype right?" and yea,i can see why ppl think that is a very famous lesbian ship dynamic i respect ppl that are solid into them bc of it.... but its deeper to me than that...first i want to talk abt hoppy n bobby's solo characters first!

Hoppy Hopscotch⚡️🐰

ngl when i entered this fandom she was like,my favorite...i still love her tho

she is basically the energetic tomboy of the group acording w her official descreptions,she is also know as THE big motivation force of the critters,always pushing them out their comfort and have a very adventuous n positive spirit-

BUT she have very noticeble characters flaws as well,not only she is quite loud but she tends to be bossy n really impatient,being described as someone that can be "handful to deal with",and before the book release she is literaly the only critters with her character flaws listed-

i always liked how her personality is kinda complexish in comparassion to other critters,she is clealy have a good heart,very loyal n likes to help the others (which we can see in her cardboard line) but she can come up as rough n "overwhelming" in the way that she does it,she doesnt have the intention of hurt or being mean but she still comes as rude due her lack of patience n understanding( cof cof autism) of ppl's limits-

i really like her i feel like she is SO underrated:( you guys have to STOP make her a bully,she is NOT like that.)

Bobby bearhug🐻❤️

i love bobby so much that is not even funny,she is my kin baby-

she seems to be the typical shallow love girl at first sight but...theres so much more abt this carebear....

in her descreptions she is basically the mom friend of the group,she is here to keep her friends together not matter what,she is very phisically affecionate,she is emotional inteligent being very patient n understanding ( which is kinda of what hoppy lacks 👀) n her compassion don't limits itself to only hed friends but to things,places n basically any living thing-

she seems to be pretty much the perfect girl right?...well yea almost....and then theres her voice lines that give a very tonal shift to her character....

"i love you to the moon and back!im CRAZY about you...im lost without you...i been lost a long time....please take me with you this time....you'won't leave,will you?!"

at first it seems some kinda yandere shit but reading more and more deep in that,it sounds so desesperate n sad tbh...i seems like she is not thay confident by herself n DEEPLY fears the abandoment...which is...very ironical for HER character...

"But these lines are about the bbis destiny" yea i know but these lines are ALSO reflected in their cartoon personalities,like kickin being scared n hoppy being impatient...it very likely that is ALSO linked to her canon personality as well...which also makes me think in what amber said about her...

Damn thats....so relatable...i always try my best to be there for other ppl but im always so hard to myself when i know that i should not....thats a perfect irony to the "love character"...

she does not have that much of strong will for herself,she does not love herself in the same way that she loves everyone...she feels weak and defenceless n unwanted being at her own because she doesnt feel enough...

fuck,im crying...They will NEVER make me hate you,bobby bearhug.

🐰⚡️About Hoppy n Bobby's relationship🐻❤️

you see...they are both are very complex girls that love to support people on their own distinte ways,hoppy is the more of phisical support crittet while bobby is the emotional support critter- they deeply care about their friends and they want see them trying news things...i would say that they both valorize support over anything,thats their main atribute-

but they are also deeply flawed in very different ways,hoppy is impatient,bossy n can come off as rude bc of her lack of caring side....also very reckless as consequence....(kinda the reason of why she died) Bobby is very emotional dependent which causes her to panic over the ideia of being alone n doesnt like trying to push herself to do anything when she is feeling too alone( that also can be the reason of why she died)...

they flaws n qualities...weidly compliment each other well...hoppy needs more emotional inteligence n more understanding,not only of other ppl's limits but her own limits.... Bobby needs strengh will and motivation due her deep insecurities and self loath,she can be stronger than she is at her own,and hoppy can show that to her-

i feel like they dynamic is really strong and be summarized as "Besides all our differences,we value the same thing and in the end of the day,i really need you"

i just REALLY love comprimentary duos + opposite atract sorry- call me basic bitch.

💚More of their dynamic plus personal headcanons❤️

i like to think that hoppy would be sighly unconfortable with bobby's affection fowards her at first but she is slowly beggins to enjoy it and reciprocate it-

i also like to think that they would be the ones to come up with the group's activities together,hoppy tries to do batshit insane stuff but bobby tones them down to be safier-(they MIGHT go into lil fights abt it)

also hoppy really enjoys bobby's anger/tough moments because she is surprising REALLY strong but she always never show it-

hoppy also tends to be emotional but she nevr shows it util bobby find it by her own and she ended uo breaking her tough girl persona in front of her(which of course bobby accepts)

Bobby,hoppy n kickin were kinda of a trio and they basically the over loving girl,the cool "chill" guy and the hyperative dumbass...it fits them...

i have a MILLIONS of stuff to say about them but i would be here forever sooo i hope you guys have enjoyed my yapping about cuddlejump:)

BYE!!!

[toerrishumansodontbeone]

.

Everywhere else seems too shameful to share(though I did anyway) & elaborate on, because those places are full of legitimate knowledgeable pros/artists, but uhhhh,

so I think I want to become a tattoo artist?

But seeing as I am the person that I am, living in the place that I am, knowing the language as badly as I do and having the anxiety that I do that makes it appear even more basic, I don't think I really can go the traditional route of studio apprenticeships.

And the loud majority of studio tattooers will of course tell you to never ever how even dare you try to do ANY tattooing on your own!!!! To the point of actively discouraging even buying a machine at all, even just for practice skins. Just draw a lot and go spend 1-3 years in an unpaid grueling apprenticeship where maybe they'll let u do something in a year or so uwu (tho there are also ppl fighting the gatekeeping) ( n some apprentices Ive seen whove started doing serious practice within a few months)

But yea so,,, thats why tbh it feels embarrassing to even mention me wanting to, even though on the other hand thats also.... the way to put any sort of attention on you, to garner interest from prospective mentors and amass future clients....... but also god its nerve wrecking thinking some local pro is looking at my stuff with disdain and mockery.

It just sucks how much language is a barrier for me. I'm not confident enough to just barge in talking in english even if they prob know the language fine enough.

Ontop of that its kinda sad I had all this sustained motivation for several days in a row but then I made the mistake of posting some little designs online. Because I was excited about it I of course expected excitement back. A response! A showering of praise and acceptance!

But the need for social validation is a poisonous pit and it never gives back quite what you give it. I knew it would not give me the validation and would ruin things and make me doubt myself and still I was hopeful and wanted it to be different and maybe a little bit more like the old times,,,

Its so hard to keep up my own confidence, as essential as it is to human psychology. I cant even create those little wins to sustain any real growth in myself. I just keep regressing and becoming worse. Im a hermit but one that doesnt even have any real community to turn to even online..........ughhhhhhh.

This is a very unstructured ramble, but its felt so fruitless having all these thoughts clogging my brain and nobody to talk to about them.

I dont know. Now I suddenly got back into writing and making more significant progress on my story/possibly novella.

and inbetween I thought more and more of how tattoo artist is the antithesis of me. I cannot pull my own clients, I cannot talk to people and make them want to keep coming back for my company, I could not do the receptionist duties for an apprenticeship, I do not even have an appropriate space to tattoo if it ever came to that AND renting even v small offices is stupid expensive at first glance. So I could not start doing that without already having a steady stream of clients.

Tattooing feels like a level of responsibility I could handle, it feels like it would be an interesting new craft to explore, w techniques to master, a different kind of self expression........ but thats all idyllic theory. No career path really fits me and it comes back down again to me being so unable to change my social ineptitude. Its such a waste how I had some modicum of comfort and progress in that sphere my last few years in Latvia,, and it fell apart just because it was so unsustainable financially......... N now that Ive been comfortably settled for a while in austria, just being financially stable and comfortable isnt enough...

Insanely Ive been wondering if the economy has evened out some in LV that I could come back.......but theres no way I would even physically *survive* through some unpaid apprenticeship there.....

[onmymasa22]

I love u but its not my job to fix u

I need to reparent myself. I dont have anxiety but i was raised by parents with anxiety. People everywhere i am have anxiety. And there was a lot i wasnt allowed to do. And that suffocated me a lot of the time. They were great parents and i never needed to worry about food or a roof or clothing or school. But them being narotic made me suffer and makes me need to parent myself and reteach myself to experiment and fall and live for myself. Maybe i want a tattoo that means i live for myself now. Im taking life into my own hands now. Im going to instill confidence in myself.

Dear little me.

When you were little, mommy and daddy said no to u alot. They were incharge strictly. They wouldnt let u cross the street, walk outside alone, drive, be out in tge rain, sleepover at someones house, have someone drive me. Everything was about their wellbeing. And thats self centered. They had no room in their heads for whst was best for my well being. They cared most about their anxiety remaining at a low level, and this made u feel not confident in yourself to be okay. It made having friends difficult. N9w that ur an adult and u have friends, u see, it wasnt ever about u. It was about them. And although their might be positives to this like individuallity and confidence to stick out, it gave me very little confidence in my skilld for things that no amount of words can fix. Im sorry u were raised like that. U deserved better than that. U had self absorbed parents. And now u need to be your own parent. Because u dont need them controlling you anymore. And you know, u r more capable than u think. Life is good to u and u r good to life. You will get everything u want from life. U will live the life u dream of. I wish i was a travel for months kind of person, but vacation kills me often. Im not a vacation person. Its great for a bit, but more than that is just too much. Im brilliant. I have enough scholastic smart to get by and my street smarts is off the charts for someone who isnt overly talketive. I am beautiful. I have a beautiful body, womanly and renassance paintingy. I have red wavy thick hair, big brown eyes, skin that tans and gets freckles in the summer. Sloping shoulders, long skinny legs. My feet are in proportion, everything is in proportion. Im kind. Im one of the kindest p

I will be a world famous artist with pieces in paris and everywhere. And they will b in a secretary in an office. I lear.t in life fhat some people r beneath me to engage in conversation with. Its beneath me. Its a princess talking to the tailor. I dont argue with a tailor. I dont argue with ppl living on the street. To me, u r like some idiot who lives on the street. And u treat me vad and i just know that thsts u. I forgive u for being a jerk to me.

I dont care. Arguing is a street person thing. Im above that. So maybe theres stuff i wish i said, or couodve said. But I'm glad i didnt engage.

The classes this past year were so stupid. Every class was a bust. But i had a blast in real life. With my friends. Going everywhere on shabbats. Honestly, the best class was archtypes. Its hard to not be egotistical looking at pples art. Cuz to me, its not art, or its selling art. I want to make fine art. I want to be one of those people students will talk about.

Every time they're an asshole to u, just think, ppl were assholes to all the famous artists. But u only need one to believe in u. Thats rachel. She gets me. R they going to give me her, probably not. Just like i asked for a room on the art floor with a window.

Ill be ok

[toestalucia]

(person with oarlyegrande obsession) idk if ill end up talking about all the white day lines i noted for myself but i DO wanna talk about alliahs

Alliah: I suppose I'll keep working at it. Perhaps we'll be able to open a patisserie together one day. That was a joke, of course. The patisserie part, not the working at it part.

Alliah: What? You've been practicing too? To open our patisserie? I told you that was a joke. We can't just— Wait, I see… You're talking about once we grow old, aren't you? We'll have to step down at some point after all. After we leave everything to our successors and retire, we open a little patisserie together… Not a bad idea. But to think that you were planning that far ahead… I'll have to step up my game.

because these are sooooooo cute LOL i am not a alliah/captain person, and while gran doesnt have anything against her, the entire thing was way too political & way too forced + uh. they dont want the king role anyway, give it alliahs mom instead, they were fine forcibly accepting it & the kings eye due to all the circumstances around it but longterm...no way...............get them out of there (theres a topic in grans personal conflicted feelings against istavion & how true king led it, regardless of his reasons. since those reasons directly fkd up grans family like.....LOL dad mightve made sure gran wouldnt set out with revenge in their heart but theyre not about to be besties with tau'luk or anything

i do think gran pulling the wife-card whenever they want to get out of anything would be funny tho. sorry im engaged i have to leave. the white day login story where they asked about ppls ideal proposals but its gran going ya u meet her father and he says hand in marriage right now and u cant say no

BUT i do think its cute to see them talk about settling down etc LOL like to me personally thats a huuuuge thing for gran to consider, like i dont take ones like these superseriously, and if i do its more in a '(gran voice) haha wouldnt it be funny if-' because they DO like alliah, just not enough to make a political marriage work. even less so when its istavion. alliah and pholia u r great but if they get too involved with istavion like that they dont think they can face their own father confidently. not that i think dad'd hate it (baragona and walfrid are both luminary knights now which is SO funny)

i dont know i just think the lil part of retiring........opening a little shop........its cute........i think its rlyyyyyyyy cute......... + with how alliah talks about her dad & how her wind fate eps goes i T_T just very much like it when she talks about things like this casually. dual alliah pholia unit NOW

Alliah: (When I was in that man's room to clean it in preparation for (Captain)'s arrival... I felt lonely. And if I felt that way, about even a parent I hardly shared an emotional bond with... The thought of seeing (Captain) return to find no one left—no one but a political marriage partner—is too much to even bear. So... is this for my own sake, or that of others? Good luck detangling that one, me.)

LIKE THIS LINEEEE ALLIAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 'what reason have i to get so involved' buddy thats the person who didnt hesitate to jump off an island to save you, even at the cost of themself falling down the sky instead. i think theres something to unpack in there

i almost talked about cains fate eps again but u should read grand cain's intro fate its on repeat in my mind at all times. like. ? cain who stopped at the last second............'if only i had taken one more step'........my dude. (is obsessed with it cuz in his sr he's the one whos reckless and captains the one who runs after to protect him)

anyway i rly like wind alliahs fate eps actually. i like her laughing. i like the difference in how she was used to things with her dad vs how things are when captain&co are in that room.

Alliah: (The one who, with nothing to gain, risked everything to save my life... And—though it not be by choice, and in name only—joined my family... Despite it all, is here treating me like family, as naturally as the sun. And as my blood relatives have each disappeared, one after the other... So that's why. It's because this made me happy. Even if we are bound by not blood nor vows, I still want to be there for (Captain). If not as spouse, as partner; as family.)

;-; (rmbrd this is at a time when pholia is travelling on her own, tau'luk resigned the throne to captain, and she doesnt even rmbr her mom thanks to the otherworld....

like both her and the attendant laughing when captain lyria vyrn io goes 'seconds plssssss' makes me ssoooooooo happyyyyyyYYYY. the casualness in the crew.....the bonds.........the family.........i think its so lovely

[vizybs]

//vent

Yknow i kinda think im a bad person whenever i look back on how i ended it with her, how i just like slowly distanced without telling her why but then I remember how she wrote on the public padlet on how we grew apart as friends (at this point i was still talking to her) and im just shocked a bit

Because like every year ive known her i put my everything into our friendship, im always making sure she isnt sad that shes having a good time that she isn’t lonely that she feels special that her feelings are heard that she isnt this this or that and it isnt my responsibility. She never asked me to do those things but you kinda know you have to, but she didnt do those things for me and its just

I dunno, im not mad anymore but im just in like, disbelief, because the moment i stopped putting my all into her suddenly we grew apart and its not like at the time i was suddenly no contact with her, hell i even sat next to her everyday. But the moment i let myself chill and stop giving her 100% suddenly its too much? We arent close?

I guess i just realized that maybe i was putting in so much work while she never really felt like she had to for me. I dunno. Still messed me up sitting down and reading that message right beside her on how we drifted like hello? Im right here you can talk to me?? I was waiting for maybe some kind of lets talk so we could get back on track and stop being so stilted around eachother this was so roundabout and so entirely like, avoidant to pointing at the matter at hand i was just angry and ignored it all.

Theres a thing i realized about how i used to accommodate my friends alot and how it kinda just messed me up? If i put a 100% into you and you dont give me some energy back it was like are we really friends? Its gave me a lot of anxiety issues about friends which is hilarious because now its like people ask me to do stuff w them like hang out and im just like woahhh what the fuuckk when its completely normal its actually driving me insane

Im glad im done playing that game of are we friends or not with her because it has done wonders for my self esteem and confidence.

I have a lot of friends now, i guess putting yourself out there instead of focusing people who seem to only care about you because theyve got no one else who talks to them is awesome and i will continue because i like friends who like me when i do what makes me happy and arent afraid of doing something embarrassing 24/7

i feel kinda guilty because its like ‘wow did i just abandon her for like other ppl’ then i think about how miserable i was trying to people please her all the time just to feel like we were sorta maybe friends and how she made me feel like she was embarrassed to be around me and that all goes away

Im not sure what to say, its wrong to abandon people close to you but it was draining the hell put of me trying to humble myself to fit into her kinda self deprecating choice of life

It’s unfortunate, she really is sweet but she makes me feel like im tired and all i want to do is shut up around her but i always had to keep talking because someone had to try right?

Shes not a bad person, i think that if we recently became friends i would love her. But theres so much history and it still felt like we walked around eachother, it always felt like i had to be careful around her it was uncomfortable. And shes different, very different, its something else.

People grow and change but shes so shy and cautious it makes me feel so wary, especially when she used to be so outgoing and confrontational. Its like shes a new person, i dont know how to feel.

Shes a good person, maybe not so much good for me but ill still wish her luck on future friendships. We arent friends anymore, we dont say hi in hallways or sit together in awkward forced silence and its just how it is.

I think im good now though, like the guilt isnt as bad.

[heeseongism]

tysm for the tag maggie !! 🥺💖

birthday: 24th october ♏

favourite colour: purples and blues 🔮

do you have pets?: nope :( but ive had two cats, two chicks, one hamster and a budgie :3

how tall are you?: i think around 5'4 ??

how many pairs of shoes do you own?: 10-15 lol i have 5 pairs of sneakers and the rest are flats and heels

favourite song: I CANT CHOOSE OMG at the moments i think my most replayed song is 'Losing you - FLO'

favourite movie: i dont have one, i've forgotten half of the movies ive watched ngl

who would be your ideal partner?: someone confident in themselves, genuinely loves me, easy to have fun with and clingy (not too much tho)<3

do you want children?: yessss but i wanna have my fun first

have you gotten in trouble with the law?: nope

what colour socks are you wearing?: not wearing any rn

favourite type of music: probably krnb

how many pillows do you sleep with?: FIVE LMAO 💀 one for my head, one to hug, one behind my head, and one on each side,,, ik its alot but i need it to sleep lol

what position do you sleep in?: on my side with my legs curled up to my chest but thats only to make myself comfortable, i always end up going to sleep with my legs sprawled out sjsnsjsk

what don’t you like when you’re sleeping: when theres sth else in the room that makes a rlly big shadow, my mind goes places and i end up with nightmares

what do you have for breakfast: i only eat breakfast on weekends so its usually eggs or toast in some way

have you ever tried archery?: nope

favourite fruit: its between lychee and strawberries !!

are you a good liar?: ik its nothing to be proud of but im AMAZING at lying like i can come up with an excuse on the spot

what’s your personality type?: idk and the tests take too long so im not taking it 😩

innie or outie?: im assuming it means belly buttons right? lmao or maybe im being weird but im an innie

left handed or right handed?: right

favourite food: its gotta be between noodles and chicken

favourite foreign food: ig pizza? 🍕

am i clean or messy?: im a clean freak

most used phrase: 'no bcs' i use it too much

how long does it take for you to get ready: around 15 mins mainly bc i dont have a morning skin care routine

do you talk to yourself?: ofc

do you sing to yourself?: ofccc

are you a good singer?: i dont think im that bad, i used to be in my schs choir

biggest fear?: losing ppl close to you

are you a gossip?: i gossip a little bit too much 🧍‍♀️

do you like long or short hair?: long hair all the way just bc i dont think i'd be able to suit short hair

favourite school subject: history and art

extrovert or introvert: im a little bit of both tbh

what makes you nervous: being around ppl who ik dont like me

who was your first real crush?: I rlly liked this one girl in high sch but i never got w her just bc i didnt actually want a relationship w her?? im not into girls like that but very rarely there comes a girl and im like ARGHASKAJSAKS

how many piercings?: i have lobe piercings and a navel piercing

how many tattoos?: only one

how fast can you run?: i think i can run pretty fast, i used to be the fastest in my sch and i remember i had a rivalry w this boy just bc he was jealous he was 2nd place LMAO

what colour is your hair?: dark brown but i might dye it hazel !!

what colour are your eyes?: very light hazel/grey?? idk how to describe it

what makes you angry: fake people

do you like your name?: yup but ppl find it hard to pronounce 🧍‍♀️ thats why i actually go by jinnie irl

do you want a boy or a girl as a child?: i dont mind any

what are your strengths?: i think im friendly and ppl tell me im v approachable

what are your weaknesses?: not knowing how to tell ppl no

what is the colour of your bedspread?: ... whats a bedspread ...

colour of your room: white, i painted it white so that i can change the colour theme of my room every now and then with my bed, desk set up, decorations etc

tagging : @forjongseong @rikismiel @evermorehoon @giventakenz @jak-ey @excusememissiloveyou @feverjk @doehee @hwxnghyynjin @flowersforjongseong @enhaheeseung @tfwheeseung @heetro @valley-of-lies

get to know me

tagged by: @end-hyphen

tagging: @hee-pster, @heerated, @jayked, @heeseongism, @gegeetime, and anyone else!

birthday: 21st June 🦀

favourite colour: 🌺 pink (and any pastel colours, but mainly purple)

do you have pets?: yesss, 3 cats, they the best 🐱

how tall are you?: 5'7 (maybe a bit more, I haven't measured myself in a long time).

how many pairs of shoes do you own?: not a lot because I hate buying them - it has to be a specific type due to my feet, and it's extremely difficult to find ones that are pretty and comfortable.

favourite song: swimming pools by lloyd. (slowed, normal, sped up, it just always hit different)

favourite movie: don't have one cause I don't watch any.

who would be your ideal partner?: a best friend, someone I can trust with my life. He would have to be respectful, very mature and understanding. Someone who would become my home.

do you want children?: nope, never.

have you gotten in trouble with the law?: nope

what colour socks are you wearing?: black

favourite type of music: pop, R&B, k-pop. I never stick to one.

how many pillows do you sleep with?: well one, that being the one I put my head on.

what position do you sleep in?: always on my side, curled up into a ball like a hedgehog.

what don’t you like when you’re sleeping: when there is light, my room has to be completely dim.

what do you have for breakfast: cereal or bread with smth sweet.

have you ever tried archery?: once, but my aim isn't good haha

favourite fruit: 🍓strawberries omg, the best fruit out there.

are you a good liar?: no, I hate lying.

what’s your personality type?: estj.

innie or outie?: outtie because I love traveling. 🌻

left handed or right handed?: right.

favourite food: 🍔 chicken hamburger (yes I'm talking about you, KFC)

favourite foreign food: haven't really eaten smth foreign. ✨

am i clean or messy?: messy, but clean when I want to.

most used phrase: bro (literally Genie can confirm lmao)

how long does it take for you to get ready: 10 minutes if I'm not having a special hairstyle.

do you talk to yourself?: who doesn't?

do you sing to yourself?: again, who doesn't?

are you a good singer?: I would say an average, I love singing.

biggest fear?: losing a family member.

are you a gossip?: not really, I rather listen.

do you like long or short hair?: long hair is too much work for me (even tho I'm growing mine out now lol), so probably short.

favourite school subject: english

extrovert or introvert: extrovert (just gotta find the right people and I won't stop talking)

what makes you nervous: confrontations

who was your first real crush?: I think I'm currently going through one.

how many piercings?: zerooo.

how many tattoos?: also zero.

how fast can you run?: probably average, but I can't because of asthma.

what colour is your hair?: chestnut (people always assume it's black)

what colour are your eyes?: hazel: when they come in contact with water, they turn a bit green. ✨

what makes you angry: humanity, basically people

do you like your name?: yesss, I like the meaning behind it. 🌞

do you want a boy or a girl as a child?: nope

what are your strengths?: giving good advice, learning languages

what are your weaknesses?: not knowing how to love myself

what is the colour of your bedspread?: pink haha

colour of your room: also pink (yes, I love pink ok)

[pepprs]

hm. suddenly awash with regret’s. ranting in the tags time 😏

[mo0l]

ur so right about the polyam thing. its nice to hear from people who have had negative experience and struggles w it but still choose to do it anyway. For deciding whether its right for me it is so useful to know there can be some nuance in my feelings and not either "its perfect and I love all aspects" or "It is the worst everr I can never do this"

im rly glad i could help inspire some confidence like that :) yeah i wish i heard more voices like mine when ppl talk abt polyam,, i rly cant imagine there arent more in the same situation as i am,,, and theres something to be said about like,,, yanno, concept vs reality, like conceptually i think polyam is perfect, but we live in this weird society where people are kinda trapped in negative elements like struggling to be open and honest consistently and in good faith, being able to communicate issues they have etc and these issues have affected a lot of my relationships with metamours over the years, which can be rly isolating and yadda yadda yanno that sorta shit is the reality you have to deal with more often than not when ur polyam, at least when you live outside of portland/seattle skdhddjd maybe trannies in portland and seattle all got this shit figured out but im dealing with a different handful of personalities myself

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.  I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl. 

I think kabu and minatos relationship  is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.   you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

[transrightsjimin]

more ranting abt welfare benefits hell

sorry for whining so much abt income on here, i know it should just be easy nd solveable by applying more for jobs, but the literal issue is that i have no skills or confidence (latter is according to my friend, but the way i cant envision handling any jobs well is jst the truth??) nd still havent gotten any help from the municipality w getting consulted by someone w more knowledge on the job market nd maybe being pushed to take on shitty jobs that at least perhaps pay better than mail delivery. it’s jst so frustrating how i requested welfare benefits over 4 months ago but it only counted since 3 months ago bc they kept fucking up w the requests, promised a payback for the lost month, but didnt, i believe?? now december we got nothing nd probably also january bc our ‘income was too high‘ for the minimum.

uh i side tracked nd forgot where i was going before, but i meant to say tht HALF A YEAR AGO i also requested help w getting help w jobs but bc bureaucratic bullshit it took until DECEMBER to get the help approved. and they would get me a contact person ‘surely before christmas, don’t worry!‘ and then they didn’t and replied they hadn’t forgotten about me and will surely help soon and i’m just. so fucking anxious about this all??

my parents help me financially w cash they gave (nd some of which came from my grandmas) (nd no im not happy w that bc one of them is doing worse financially but still wants to give it away, nd the other is dead nd my uncle gave her left over money to family which feels ironic bc hes a millionaire but only gives a bit from his dead mom??) so that i can buy groceries bc me and my friend’s paychecks + welfare benefits can only cover rent + food and so not also other bills such as for healthcare that i have to make payment plans for. and even w help w groceries i still end up in the negatives, especially last month bc we ‘made too much‘ to receive something. i dont even dare to sell clothing or anything online for money bc that’d only mean ‘income from hobbies’ they could see i have and thus more reason to get stripped from this too.

and that is just the whole issue!! the municipality runs all these checks and forms and calls and appointments and documents you need to hand in, but there is NO calculation determining what you actually need. instead, based on the type of household, we were categorized as fiscal partners without children who receive the benefits together and thus we receive benefits (in the months that we do) to add it up to the ‘living minimum‘ €1500 in total. this amount does not cover our actual expenses, nor does this match inflation or how social housing has been broken down as a system and that real estate owners can increase rent prices as much as they want. there is a monthly grant that tenants could receive for renting a home, but only if it is an apartment AND below 752,33 euros per month (which is when it is considered social housing, above that it’s the ‘free market‘), and that is just virtually impossible?? but we were not once asked if we can actually pay anything and the people meant to help us w benefits just don’t fucking get flex work contracts or how our income over a certain month is received way later in the month after that. like they have a stable job and just dont fucking get that it is not designed well for us.

i think my anxiety over this issue has gotten worse ever since the news came out that a dutch woman on benefits got a €7000 fine because her mom did groceries for her and that’s considered fraud??!! she couldn’t afford food so her mom bought groceries for her but that is also considered financial compensation and thus she got this huge fine, which she probably cannot afford and the fucked up thing w fines from institutions is that they ask interest over it if you don’t pay it in time or enough of it, and give more fines and even charge fees for something like you receiving a letter and they’re just free to pull this shit bc it’s a for-profit business. and that’s how ppl end up w debt and huge loans. it’s just so infuriating nd i really dont want a fine or lose the right to benefits. even though i prob wont get it for a while bc of my friend’s job that tends to make our incomes together reach just the ‘living minimum‘. i have this bill of €250 for adhd diagnosis, then monthly bills for meds that are €76 of which i can receive most back and ‘only’ need to pay €25 from it, then theres an orthodentist bill of around €92 bc i forget this insurance company still counts from back when i was w it the first time nd orthodontist stuff gets insured up to €1000 and that amount was used up like 10 years ago nd they still count like that despite me having had a different insurer in between.

i just need a stupid fcking job nd i hate to whine abt this bc theres so many ppl in much worse situations who ‘take initiative‘ nd start looking for jobs, but AGAIN  i have no ‘basic’ skills like being able to listen and understand words well nd fast or show the right facial expressions or have good memory or dexterity or be able to answer difficult questions or focus on reading etc etc, nor do i i have an idea what job i should or could do.like i fcking need an income, moreover i need a break, im in this fcking burnout since like 2013 and in depression since at least 2004 lmfao but it’s never been recognized as bad enough by specialists bc im not suicidal, but it’s also not good to the point where i ever know if i felt ok. also just. i feel like i did use to have a bit more confidence in myself in high school but it all got sucked out of me in art college (bc horribly bigoted teachers + students and being taught that drawing well is in fact not at all important in the domestic market but rather being INNOVATIVE and NETWORKING and also COPYING is the way to success!! like not kidding, thats what teachers told us) nd by my parents (bc i became older nd didnt spontaneously do all these chores or jobs despite having no fcking clue how bc they never taught stuff). like i just dont know how ppl live comfortably w themselves and know what its like to be themselves nd not feel bad nd anxious abt everything

[virgook]

hii!!! pt. 2

“hehe but i’m definitely working to trust myself and my intuition more. like the times i’ve been validated via ppl’s astro posts or tarot readings like yours or even the boys themselves makes me feel more confident in my ability to read people. so thank you for the encouragement and being open to my thoughts. 🤗💖🤗💖🤗💖” i’m glad!! + tell me about your hunches so i can see what my cards say too + my own opinion

“i feel he works in stages. sub!jk —> brattysub!jk —> switch!jk —> dom!jk ” A THOUSAND PERCENT those were my exact thoughts 😭and after dom!jk sleeps, he wakes up soft bunny!jk again ready to be smothered in affection. should we……co-write a fic….

“i’m actually so happy i decided to talk to you. i normally just chill in the back and don’t interact too much but it’s been a fun time so far chatting with you 😬” i’m so glad too!!! i’m having a lot of fun and this is all actually really new to me too. ive been on tumblr for years and years but didn’t talk much so this is making all my 15yr old dreams come true if im being honest

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i love cats so much you have no idea omg if you have a picture of the stray cat pls will u upload it so i can gush?? ever since i graduated from uni i’ve been cat-less :( there were so many of them on campus and i’d pet them whenever i was stressed but now [deep sigh]

jin’s reading

i agree with the class clown syndrome!!!!!! i hadn’t thought of it that way but i can geel it in my gut you’re so right.

same, i hope jimin can see himself that way too :( i feel like jimin tries so hard to be perfect or the ‘right’ thing that he doesn’t understand how jin can make the best of what he has and be imperfect and still be so beautiful and loved by all. i feel like he’s trying to analyze jin so he can add it to his own 'calculations’ on how to be have but i hope he knows he doesnt have to do that :/

i think jk’s perspective on them isn’t reflective of their closeness but more about jk’s own personality? like he doesn’t think too deeply about things u know? he’s like oh, hyung’s like that i guess. ok. and moves on. … am i making sense? it doesn’t matter to him enough to figure out those questions. he’s simple and loves and cares for them regardless

i agree!!!!!!! i feel furthest from hobi and jin too, esp. hobi. he’s the most intimidating for me in bts actually. like i got so surprised when he got so mad at the has station gag in bvs4 bc it doesn’t fit with his j-hope persona. but i think it’s the real him and its coherent with what my cards have been saying👀

thank you for saying you enjoyed it!!! i was worried bc people really respond to cute, fluffy, imagine type readings of the boys and don’t want to actually know the truth or if you aren’t a believer in tarot, dont want to imagine them as a whole person who is more than 'the happy one’ or 'the cold one’, u know?

jimin’s reading

I don’t know the vlive you’re talking about but it matches behaviour i’ve seen a lot from him omg i think you described him perfectly. i think a lot of it stems from his job? like he’s supposed to think of what the fans will enjoy. but i think theres a way to do that and still be authentic u know? and idk maybe he doesn’t owe it to us to be his real self and wants to be fake. he can do that if he wants but it doesn’t make me like him at all :/ i don’t know if you know NCT’s doyoung but he did that once too in an nctlife episode. they boys were playing the baskin robbins game and they had take turns saying the numbers till 31 in a sexy~ way and doyoung stroked his throat/adams apple and it was so so fake and he even said the fans like this. and he kept doing it and looking at himself in the camera.  its the same vibe as what u said about jimin, i understand exactly what u mean and i agree fully

“but in the moment when he can’t edit or practice before hand what he gives fans is so hollow and superficial… ” yes!!! i think a lot of it comes from his need to be perfect and a certain way so fans love him. so he controls his image very strongly. i think it extends even to his 'vulnerable’ moments on camera. he’s very intelligent and considers the ramifications of all his actions before he does something imho. i think the most genuine parts of him on camera are when a member is hurt or needs help and he goes to comfort or care for them.

“the vibes he can sometimes give off isn’t your typical idol fantasy/fan service thing… it’s deeper than that.” yup!!! all the boys are 'fake’ to an extent bc its their job. like they have to consciously create cute content, that’s their job. but jimin does take it too far, he removes his real self form the equation completely and does whatever is needed.

“i’m just not as forward about wanting it like jimin, which i honestly respect” tbh…..same.. he’s the one who made me admit/realize i like being praised and now i jokingly ask people for it. i pass it off as a joke but i crave it u know 😭😂😩

“and honestly i feel really bad for him……authentically.” oh my god, that’s exactly what i’ve been thinking too!!! its incredible how much on the same wavelength we are. i think you have a really really good understanding jimin and all the boys, you’re so sensitive and perceptive i could hear u talk about them for hours i’m not even exaggerating. i want to hear all your theories and opinions for real. 

the yoongi reading is up tell me what u think of what it says about him and/or your own opinion of who you think he is i’d really really love to hear it actually

[violet-makes-an-entrance]

Mmmmkay so Im feelin p sappy on Sick Brain so imma go off for a bit

theres a lot of peeops ive gotten the immense pleasure of meeting and talking to because of this fandom over the course of the last year or so and im just feelin the push to say somethin given that its finals season and tumblr is imploding and some peeps are gonna be dealing with family stuff so,

heres a pick me up

@thecreationartist

max, what can i say that i havent already said honestly? probably not much at this point tbh, but im not afraid to retread. i love you and your bois so much, your art and your storytelling have come so far and its been absolutely amazing to watch, and a massive friggin honor to have been a part of it. youre one of my best friends and closest confidants and youve been with me thru so much. someday i swear to God above i WILL give you a hug in person and we can hang out and have the greatest time, IT WILL HAPPEN you can heccin bet on it. i love you sm dude <3

@radplaidbois

aaaaaaaaaaaaace, youre one of the absolute coolest ppl i know dude. you got rad af art, a rad af story, rad af characters, and im sure as you keep goin, youre gonna have a rad af comic on your hands. you have such an intense drive to improve and keep making art thats such a massive inspiration, to me and im SURE so many others as well. keep doin what youre doin ace

@rant-eater

beeeeeeeeettlllleeeeeeee!!!! i love you sm bb youre so sweet and good and a massive ray of sunshine! im so infinitely blessed that we got to meet up in person and hang out for a day, and would 1000000000% do it again man, we gotta arrange that!! you and spyro are the absolute cutest beans i swear. youre art is so adorable and every time it pops up on my dash i get so excited to see what youve made next. keep living your best life and dont let ANYONE stop you, you deserve absolutely NOTHING LESS <3

@catss-and-plants (wasnt sure which one youd prefer i tag??? eeeh?)

eli eli eli eli! i love you with my entire heart bb! you were one of the first squip blogs i ever found, and a massive reason why i made one myself. i probably wouldnt even have this blog at all if not for you, so i have a LOT to thank you for. youve been thru so much, and youre doing so good, im so proud of you. keep going, keep breathing, i and so many others are right here with you. youve helped me thru a good deal of my own stuff and i thank you so much for that. youre wonderful, youre beautiful, youre amazing. you keep being you, you wonderful Fae Witch, you <3

@ask-the-overworked-firewall

meg! you wonderful human bean! im so glad to have gotten to know you and youre kids since youve started. youre art and your storytelling have come so far and youve improved so much. every interaction is a delight and every new piece of art that comes from you is absolutely amazing. never for a second let anyone cause you to second guess your friendships with me or anyone else here, or youre value as a person and a creator. this fandom would NOT be the same without you. it would be missing a bright light of talent and positivity, otherwise. keep being awesome <3

@roxdaa

ro you great bean, we havent really talked all that much but every time we do is nothing short of a positive delight. if nothing else, i see how you talk with my friends and the positive impact you have on them and your relentless boughs of love and support and it is so good to know that at the very least, my friends are happy, and that is all i could ask for. youre a lovely source of positivity in this community and we could use more of you in this fandom and this world. never stop being awesome <3

@squipsin 

val i know we havent talked all that much one on one but i want you to know that i love and value you all the same. it makes me happy to see that youre happy, and also makes me want to shank when someone tries to change that. you are a strong and valuable person, and you deserve nothing less than the absolute best the world has to offer. you add so much to this community and i hope you know just how much your presence is valued. i and many others love you deeply <3

@starbound-squips

to all my amazingly talented friends and co mods over on the zodiac blog, i love you all so so much. ive said it before but ill never stop saying it again, it has been a massive honor to work with you all. all your individual personalities and inputs have been incredibly valuable and im so blessed to be able to work with you all, and collaborate to be able to bring these great kids to life. to put my own works side by side with all yours is incredibly humbling and im so grateful to have this collective experience with you all. i love you guys <3

@ask-squip-fates

briiiitt! youre characters and your art are such major goals. i know its been a while, but every update and every new piece of art is SOO GOOD IT BLOWS MY MIND DUDE. youve been such an inspiration to me and im sure so many others. youre a joy to talk to and a wonderful person to boot. dont forget to be awesome <3

[sanhatation]

i honestly have so much work to do right now but all i can get myself to actually accomplish is being soft abt KIM MYUNGJUN !!!!!!! this man….this man does not get nearly enough recognition he deserves. where tf do i even start carol theres so much GOOD to him !!!!!!! hmmmmm shall i begin with his TALENT ? i shall………..this man. or should i say Vocal God? his voice is so unique….the color is so unique…….its so BRIGHT !!!! so bright and open!!!!!! his voice is honestly an open meadow of wheat its so pretty and natural and open and big !!!!!!! how does such a thicc range fit in such a tiny body? who knows! his voice just flows……like hot sugary and sweet caramel or honey…….its so serene yet so energized !!! like a stunning and vibrant sunset that u cant take ur eyes off of!!!! u just wanna take a billion photos of it to treasure it forever but no camera does it justice!!!!!! and im 100% confident that his voice is the same….no microphone or audio recording can do his voice justice and even then its so absolutely stunning i cant even imagine hearing him live. and that man can dance. i know nobody says NOTHIN abt myungjun’s dancin and im no professional but bicnhg I LOVE HIS DANCING!!!!!!!! hes so GRACEFUL!!!! the way he moves his hANDS even????? truly so artistic ??????? i honestly dont know jack squat about pop dance or whatever but hes got it!!!!!!!!!!!!!  and gosh diddly darn it that man is a Full fledged visual artist. have yall SEEN that one drawing he did of beauty and the beast????? sis i cant even TRACE that well!!!!!!!!!!!! his phone case designs????? STUNNING!!!!!!!!!!! yall when the frick are they gonna let him design one of their albums bc id take 400!!!!!!! gladly!!!!!!!!! and quite honestly i dont know jack squat about drawing and painting either but here we are!!!!! me admiring his drawing and painting!!!!!!!! his hands were crafted by God just for that!!!!!!!!!!!!! he has Artist Hands karen he really does!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and bc of that he must see beauty in such small things and he has an eye for design and aesthetics and i just!!!! wow!!!!!!!!! he literally………….all he carries in his bag is a pair of sunglasses, some cologne, and his ART SUPPLIES !!!!!!!!!! just a freaking sketchbook and pencils!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hes so SIMPLE?????? and i have to SAY this isnt something ive noticed in myungjun until now……he is so Simple. so homey….all he needs is his little self and his art supplies and hes good. theres just something so ???? idek like??? domestic?????? and homey abt that????? like!!! when i look at him,,, im reminded of my own home???? especially my home in autumn i dont even KNOW how a person can possess that kind of quality but he does it for me!!!!!! he feels like the personification of sitting around an open fire at christmas with ppl u love !!!!! he is honestly the personification of the feelings of christmas!!! he possesses so much warmth and raDIATES so much warmth!!!! everyone wants to be around that!!! his smile lights the world……him and his gorgeous toothy thicc luscious lip smile!!!!! 1000000 watts!!!! his visuals are seriously insane…..he looks so soft and feminine yet so sharp and masculine!! his eyes are so beautiful and sparkle in the light and u can see the entire galaxy in them!!! and have u seen his nose????????? have u ?????? its very boopable ! and binchg wtf his jawline ???? wow……..then his proportions….absolutely perfect…………..he can wear suspenders any time !!all the time !!! bc WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont care what anyone says. i hope myungjun’s tum is here to stay. i stan. he doesnt need to lose ANY weight binchf hes already so small i cld probably pick him up with my pinky!!!!! let him eat its what he DESERVES. hes just so soft….i wnna squeeze his lil waist tbh its understandable why bin cuddles him so much!!!!!! hes just a lil cuddle ball!!!! he makes me smile so much i love it when he laughs and i ADORE when he throws his whole tiny body into laughter!!!!!!! i love when he throws himself to the floOR and slaps it and holds onto people and LAUGHS!!! that man is gaining YEARS!!!!!!!! i want him to be happy like that 100000% of the time,,, and he doesnt even know…..he doesnt know how much happiness he brings to ppl with his happiness!!!!! sure he knows hes the happy virus but does he knOW??? does he KNOW that just by that one (1) giggle or by that one (1) facial expression hes making a chick literally on the OTHER side of the WORLD smile from ear to ear???????? he needs to know!!!! hes so amazing…..in so many ways and on so many levels. hes so happy that its so easy to forget the kinds of weights he must have on his shoulders…..its so difficult being the eldest, its so difficult being the main vocal. he works so hard. he puts his all into everything……he cares so deeply for his members and watches out for them in ways we cannot see and works harder than we even know…he is a true artist who is bursting with beauty and inspiration and power and influence. such a small man holds so much light and artistry i love him somcuchh

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 5 - “i want to see a live reaction to this in the reunion chat” - Maynor

Stephen

Ahahaha by the grace of the inactivity gods im still here. This is my karma for suffering through the preseason of Erinsborough. Now, I may not have actually gone home, but who knows I had an gut feeling and those are usually right.

Stephen

*laughing about surviving* Jay: Music Videos! *stops laughing*

Dylan C

me: [volunteers to edit for this challenge] me: [regrets this 5 min later]

John

ok i have a LOT of tea that needs spilled so sit back, relax, and enjoy this feature presentation:

-first things first, cormac. why couldn’t you have just voted. i would have one more ally and stephen would be out. so thanks.

-second, zoe told me about her advantage and how she has connections to the other side so that we should have a group of 5 at the merge. so that’s mind blowing. i’m just like in shock because in a way, cormac getting pulled allowed me to be zoe’s number 1. and that’s amazing. we stan.

-third, sierra is driving me insane. constant overdrive from her, and she’s starting to cross the divide between helpful and micromanaging. she can micromanage herself out of the game for all i care.

-fourth, timmy is ADORABLE. i’m definitely trying to get a cross tribal alliance with him bc wow. he cute. like really. he’s cute.

Keith John

Well if episodes are named here, This title of this episode would be "How you get screwed When tribal council gets Cancelled."

From being in a safe position last night to waking up and realizing that I am screwed in this game.

First of all, THANK YOU CORMAC for going out at the worst time possible. Last night my name was thrown out by Stephen. So obviously people entertained the idea.I do feel that I would have stayed but Cormac's evac has changed alot.

I had a planned final three with Cormac and Zoe, with Cormac gone. I'm down one alliance member.

Stephen is still in the game. And I know he is targeting me.

Maynor never spoke to me about the vote much. Inspite of me approaching him before tribal to see if he wanted to work together

John. who said he would have my back and would tell me if anyone would throw my name out. Never told me about Stephen's plan. I am sure he knew about it.

Sierra and I haven't bonded much personally. A little my fault there.

And Lastly Zoe. I know for now she definitely has my back. And I have hers but it feels like my game is extremely dependent on her. I feel alot of people want to work with her. And how long will she want to work with me? That I don't know.

Honourary mention: JAY thanks for throwing a challenge that I would suck at the most. I hate being on camera, Hate singing unless I wanna punish someone. 

Raffy

Cormac being gone kind of relieves me since he has been giving me bad vibes ever since day 1 of this game. Now that's just one more person that I do not talk to out of the way. I figure that merge is happening at 11 because Jay said there was a twist which can only mean that it is merge or that someone is coming back into the game. Maybe both. I'm just going to focus on winning this challenge for my tribe by providing the lip sync of my life. This shit is about to be so FIRE.

Raffy

I think I am fully in crackhead behavior. I just messaged 6 people at the same time trying to have conversations with them. This one world has made a mess of me, and I do not like it. Also, I am pretty much giving up on the idol because I don't want to go through the effort of hunting for it. So, instead, I'll just pray that it isn't used against me.

Maynor

Well. Now im not sure if Stephen vote was true or not but i have to rely on that my allies were gunna be with me. Its sad seeing cormac go since he was someone i connected with. But im glad it was done before tribal and not after tribal. Im hoping we could win immunity this round since im still feeling a little nervousish. 

Maynor

Catch me voting out John for calling Timmy cute.

Omg. Like i want to see a live reaction to this in the reunion chat. Them finding out we are dating. 😂😂

Raffy

I kind of put my neck out there in this challenge by suggesting the song. While I am not editing the video, I did make the song suggestion which is almost as important. Perhaps this could lead to my downfall. Furthermore, I talked to Dylan and they said that only themselves, Ellie, Justin, and I submitted videos which means we are missing Timmy's and Joseph's. Plus, editing takes a long time, so Dylan might not even use their videos if they are late. I just hope what people managed to film is enough. I've never won a music video challenge, and I am hoping this game can change that. I'm not that confident though. 

Raffy

I think I have made some strong connections in this tribe and the other. The people who I have talked about staying strong and working together include Justin, John, Dylan, Ellie, Timmy, and Keith. This seems like a diverse group of people that I can fall back on if one ends up turning their back on me. I always have to have back-up allies, otherwise I am liable to get voted out early in merge which I suspect is soon. I just want to establish myself in another alliance, but that seems hard in this game. I don't know who would be in that new alliance, but it would be some combination of the people I mentioned and others who I get good vibes from. Let's pray for me!

John

if rupaul was judging this music video challenge, she’d be telling us to sashay away. we are literally on the level of valentina with her mask on bad.

Ellie

Let’s hope that this damn video comes togather 

Stephen

We’re losing this challenge. Theres only about 4/5 of us in the video, a lot of the video is from the original music video and the rest is... ok, but not great. Dylan CI wanna say we have a better video but I'm gonna be the most biased on the tribe since I edited the damned thing for about four hours. I had to sacrifice some synchronicity a little bit towards the beginning to get Ellie in for the 10 seconds for the extra points. I had originally trimmed her clip to what I could match up the best, but then I double checked the post lol. Hope the judges don't care too much there.

Dylan C

I'm not even gonna go feral. I'm just gonna lay face down on my kitchen floor for a while.

Stephen

I.... okay, im not complaining. But yeah judges thanks but the fuck?

Dylan C

I'm like, actually upset right now? Like not so much that we lost, but that I spent all that time editing, when I've been worried about getting all my homework done this weekend but I volunteered to edit and wasn't about to back out cos that'd be shitty!!, only to lose by 20 motherfucking points. And also? I worked with what my tribe gave me bitch!!! Raffy was the only one who recorded the whole song, Justin did like half, Ellie and Joseph only gave me short clips, and Timmy was sick so he didn't film anything? I just wasted my entire afternoon and evening on this when I have real life shit I should've taken care of, but I made a commitment to my tribe, and for what? Tribal that's going to be happening while I'm at one of my Thanksgiving events! Granted, that was going to occur regardless upon losing since I'll be busy both Thanksgiving and the day after. But fucking still. Kinda just wanna ghost the world atm.

John

i’m kinda torn that we won. on one hand, we’re safe. on the other hand, i wanted to vote out stephen. so like, i’m feeling mixed emotions. these people will be dangerous to take to the merge. i hope it’s not next.

Dylan C

Kinda funny how I was so zazzed to be strategic at the start of this but I really haven’t been since. Strategy? I don’t know her. Also I’ve been ass about socializing one on one with ppl on the other tribe so I have a feeling that’ll bite me in mine. 

Sierra

By some miracle, we’re safe! I’m so glad that we don’t have to vote anyone out right now... especially because I don’t have my vote right now. Maybe I can make it to the merge and hide for the first vote there without having to vote. 

Joseph Collins

I am confusion. Dylan did such a good job editing. Our tribe and group is such a great mix of personalities and stories. And they came together to blend and make an amazing video. I actually got emotional watching it. I was very surprised to find out we lost. And now, we have to vote someone off our tribe. I hate it so much. I feel like it’s gonna be Timmy. He was absent in the time-crunch immunity challenge. Even Justin showed up and showed out which I thought was awesome. I like Timmy. And I feel like this is a hard vote for others so now I have to go be cutthroat Jo

Justin

Alright, so another tribal for us. I feel better than last time, but I'm still not 100% confident I won't be targeted again. Before the results for the challenge came in though, Raffy approached me and started talking to me some more about working together which makes me feel better keeping him around. Especially since I realized that he talks to me more than Ellie, so honestly I want her out now cuz whenever I talk about working together she leaves me on read. So, in conclusion I don't want you in the game lol. At least Raffy talks to me and says he wants to work with me, even if it might be fake. I told Joseph that I would like Ellie out, but he says Timmy cuz he doesn't talk to him and he feels Ellie could be our shield. I don't want him to go yet because I feel like he would vote with me, but I'm not jeopardizing my game to save him since he barely talks to me too. Although Joseph makes a good point that Ellie can make a good shield, I feel like we have other shields to hide behind in Raffy and Dylan. Plus, I feel like she has more connections than Timmy could get if he keeps playing the way he is.

Maynor

Im so happy that we were able to pull of the win in immunity. Im making it to the final 11. I really want to make it far in this game. I am really hoping Timmy stays alive. Like i know its bias cuz we are together. But we normally dont play the game together. Im just hoping we can make it far together this time. Plus ❤️ Jay. It would be amazing if i won this game. Me winning my first and last game would be pretty awesome. So im going to try my hardest.

Timmy

So apparently Justin is going around saying my name. Does this idiot not realize that I’m the reason he stayed last tribal we went to. Like seriously, and apparently he’s telling everyone the same thing that he’ll be with them always. And he calls me inactive, like sorry you message me at 9am when I’m walking into work and j can’t answer you until like 5pm when I get out. He better leave this tribal. I wish it was happening tonight just to also move things forward.

Dylan C

Me? Lying by omission to Ellie? It’s more likely than you’d think. Justin gave me her name earlier, and I tried to talk him out of it. He made a comment about keeping it between us. Now Ellie’s told me that Justin through her name out. “Between us.” Sure, Jan. And hey, I never mentioned it to Ellie or Raffy in our alliance chat (which exists as of last night). So I did keep it between us unlike him. Didn’t mention it because he had a decent point about Ellie’s strong social game, but now isn’t the time to try to get her out, IMO. Especially since I’ve just allied with her. Granted, I’ve turned on allies shortly after making alliances before but that’s not happening in this game. No way. So, I just acted like I didn’t know when Ellie told me and I’ll keep on that. That’s how I’ve been doing a lot: acting like some information people has given me is new to me (usually with Joseph tbh) when it isn’t new at all. Just kinda agree, maybe say I was already thinking about that, but not imply that I’d been Discussing it, depending on how I’m talking to.  

Ellie

So Justin is scrambling like HARDCORE, He threw Timmy’s name out and hen my name out right after saying that we were tight, and he’s so paranoid and it’s driving all of us crazy. Like we have until tomorrow night, chill out. And Jospeh really wants Timmy out but I’m like IF WE TAKE JUSTIN TO MERGE HE WILL FLIP WITHIN FIVE MINUTES!! Timmy might not be the most active but at least he’s fucking loyal. Raffy, Timmy, and I want Justin out so badly. Dylan is trying to listen before making a concrete decision, and Joseph and Justin want Timmy out. Justin even wants me out apparently.

RaffyA lot happened today, so I am going to break it down. Last night, Timmy, Ellie, and I (Just Go With It) discussed the vote early. Timmy suggested that we might want to get rid of Joseph or Dylan since he thought he would be able to sway Justin, since he considers Justin a close ally to him. That's when we all compared notes that Justin had claimed his apparent closeness to everyone on the tribe. This immediately put him on my radar as it could be a sign a double-crosser later down the road. As was not going to push anything since tribal was two days away, however I did talk with Ellie a little bit and she seemed down to vote Justin since she had a close relationship with Joseph and Dylan. While this was happening, Dylan created the Hypothetical Alliance with Ellie and I. This is great news since that means Ellie and I have control over two other votes (Timmy and Dylan) based solely on votes. In this way, whoever I wanted gone would go. Justin messaged me early in the morning asking about the vote. He heavily suggested that we vote for Timmy because he is inactive and bad at challenges, but those are the things that I want in an ally going into a merge. Besides that, Justin was asking incessant, paranoia-filled questions regarding the vote and would not let up. It is safe to say that he doesn't get that he's being incredibly messy and scramble-y when he doesn't have to be. The vote isn't until tomorrow, yet he's acting like it's in thirty minutes! The King of Crack right here! Anyways, so I told Ellie and then she was experiencing the same thing, so we then told Timmy. Timmy instantly wanted him gone which meant what I wanted from the beginning was going to happen. Furthermore, I learned from Ellie that Justin does not trust me and that he thinks I am vague and noncommittal. Not only that, apparently Ellie heard him say her name from someone. This dude is incredibly dangerous for my alliance! So, I was determined to see him go and to get everyone to go after him. Joseph was a tough nut to crack. He was very adamant today about voting out Timmy and keeping Justin. Apparently, Ellie got through to him, but I do not know how well that worked out for her. I have a feeling that Justin also said that he was tight with Joseph to the latter as he did with everyone. And Joseph thinks it is serious which means they'll be a powerful duo going into merge. I have to keep my eye on Joseph and make sure he doesn't slip from my grasp. Other than that, I managed to get Dylan on board with the vote as they thought Justin's paranoia and overall messiness was also a danger going into merge. Finally, Zoe approached me today asking who I felt good with. I knew she was sniffing for an alliance so I said Ellie, Dylan, and Timmy. She suggested that, since a merge was coming soon, that we create an alliance with Dylan, Timmy, and John making us a strong 5. I immediately agreed of course. A strong alliance helps me navigate the merge more comfortably and easily. Plus, in that alliance, I have Dylan and Timmy to have a majority over the decisions. So, if it came down to us 5, I would be good. Not only that, but this means that Dylan and Timmy will vote together in this tribal along with Ellie and I, ensuring that Justin goes to EoE. This is all working out for me. I do not know whether to tell Ellie about this alliance eventually, but I am planning on keeping it pretty tight-lipped for the most part. What doesn't kill her makes her stronger. And that's what you missed on Glee Johndamn. who knew i’d align myself with the perfect ride or die. she has an advantage and NOW she has an idol?! she is STACKED, and now i gotta protect her at all costs.

Maynor

Ive been talking to Keith a lot more now but heard from Timmy that people have been saying that he has been doing that with everyone so idk what to think of our bonding. Like i would like to think he would be on my side but who knows. We been talking about pokemon cards and the funko pops that i have. Its been fun. Im really glad talking to him more. 

Keith John

Due to thanksgiving. Tribal was moved a day ahead and everyone was busy celebrating. So things have been slow.

I decided to take the opportunity to complete the fox portion of the idol hunt. which turned out to nothing, As Zoe already informed me and Cormac that she got the advantage. after informing her I told her I will give the other path on the idol hunt a try. didn't want to go behind her back and do it. especially we are expecting a swap. this is my first time playing so I'm not sure that its a sure swap or another twist. 

Also finally I messaged Timmy again. After he didn't reply to me the first time. which was like 10 days ago. I know since I felt that I wasn't in the best position possible during the last tribal. I should have made an attempt before to talk to him as I need people, any people who want to work with me. But since I have had previous instances when I worked abroad, when people immediately snubbed or ignored me or changed their attitudes towards me when they found out that I am a Pakistani. N for a moment I felt like Timmy had decided that he didn't want to work with me. And me being a Pakistani was the reason. Which I guess is stupid on my part, I saw he added other people from the game to his skype. But didn't even reply to me. So When Zoe brought up the possibility of working with him. I decided to approach him again. This time he did reply. he seems nice but reserved. hopefully, we swap on the same tribe since we might have mutual friends who want to work together. But I would also like to make a genuine friendship with him and whether that becomes an alliance or not. that's to be seen.

OK Signing off for the night.

Timmy

People are quiet today in PMs but i hope that’s since we talked about tribal yesterday. Justin better be going bc he’s a snake ass bitch and I can’t deal with that shit.

Zoe

I got an idol, folks!!!!!!

I'm incredibly surprised at the rest of the tribe's laziness, considering I now have an advantage and an idol. The downside of the idol is that I have lost my vote next tribal, so now I really have to have trust in my tribe members and alliances cross tribal to keep me going through the twist, unknown as of five minutes before tribal. I predict a swap, but (not) knowing Jay makes me doubt that as well.

I'm still really sad about Cormac, but it's my game, not his game. As long as I can still count on my other connections, I'll just have to go on strong and know that it wasn't his time.