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taentedmess · 3 years ago

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sleepless nights

summary: a year is a long time, isn’t it? you’ve spent yours stuck in an eternal, monochrome winter. a surprise encounter derails all of your plans: feelings fade… or do they, really?

pairing: taehyung x reader

word count: 5.4k

warnings: swearing, terrible terrible angst (im sorry!), heartbreak, implied smut, angsty flashbacks :(

a/n: hi everyone! this is my very first fic on tumblr and i really hope you enjoy! please listen to spring day and scenery to really get into the feels - i hope you lose yourself in this little slice of a seoul winter :’) also i do have a storyline planned if you enjoy this little piece and could potentially even make this a series aah! please leave comments and constructive criticism - i’d love to grow as a writer! (@chateautae i finally did it!!!!!!)

[ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ]

09:17am, december 17, 2020

It’s been a year since you last saw him. A year of emptiness, hollowness, blankness. A year since you turned your back, leaving without a goodbye. It’s been a year since you’ve walked out his front door, the same one that you’d find yourself visiting and revisiting when you knew he wasn’t home.

It’s been a year since you last felt some semblance of happiness, a year since you’ve let out a genuine laugh, smiled from cheek-to-cheek. It’s been a year devoid of warmth: you shivered under the embrace of the summer sun, no longer noticed the blooming flowers that you had once loved so much. The world lost all its color. Fading into a bleak grayscale so far away, unreachable. No longer did you walk with a spring in your step, no longer did your eyes glimmer with galaxies that you’d once built with him. You were empty, a ship lost in the depths of the dark oceans. Floating, barely surviving, with no set destination. All you saw were never-ending, infinite oceans in all directions. No escape, no lighthouse. Just you. Alone. Pointless.

Your heart aches for him, the echo of a honeyed baritone, the ghost of his warm, muscular arms wrapped around your shoulders.

It’s for the best, you had thought. It’s for the best.

You squeeze your eyes shut, willing the thoughts out of your mind. There was too much, too many feelings, pent-up emotions. You weren’t a woman of emotions, never were, swore to never be, until you had met him. And he had changed everything.

Stop. This is getting ridiculous.

You needed to get on with your life, you think. There are too many things to think about, so many better thoughts requiring your attention. What were you doing, wasting your energy on him? It was time, you had decided, to end things once and for all.

The ticket machine snaps you out of your reverie, demanding it get paid. How much did the trip cost? You’ve forced yourself to forget, holed up all the memories too far into the shadows of your mind in your sheer desperation to evade the pain. You slot in a W10,000 bill, way too much, but better than having to remember. The machine happily eats up the cash, returning your card and sending you on your way.

You navigate the platforms, seeing the brightly-lit signs: Incheon line, Suin line, Bundang line. Then you see it, Platform 6, Gyeongwon line. South-bound to Soyosan, stopping at Iryeong. Your heart thumps, stomach twists, and you feel like throwing up. How many times had you once ascended these very steps with him, hand-in-hand, smiling to one another? How many times had you raced up these stairs, trying to get to the platform first? It’s too much, and you want to run. Run away from this place, from the thoughts and feelings.

No. You need this.

The winter air roughly brushes against your cheeks, hurrying you along.

What are you so afraid of?

Everything, you think. Everything. You’ve bound your heart in chains and locks, plastered it with thousands of bandages, one on top of the other. You’ve holed it away, willed it out of existence. You’re afraid of the memories, the emotions. You’re afraid of yourself.

Go. Just go. Get it over with.

You force your feet to move, one after another. You don’t think, you just move. Move onto the platform, move onto the train. You don’t realize that you’ve boarded the machine until you hear an all-too-familiar voice on the loudspeaker.

“This is the Special Rapid Train, on the Gyeongwon line, headed for Sosoyan. We will be stopping at Seokgye, Wolgye, Dobong and Iryeong. Please stay clear of the sliding doors!”

You vaguely see the blinking of lights and hear the shutting of the doors. The train picks up speed, clicking against the railroads. You are blank, a passenger on an endless journey. You sway when the train sways, stop when it stops. You don’t know how many stops have passed, having lost yourself in the familiar nothingness that had hollowed you out for the past year, until the speakers announce something about the next station being Dobong. You’re near, you realize. Too near.

Too soon does the train halt, birthing out and collecting new passengers as seats empty and taken once more in a matter of seconds. You watch this interchange with a bitter smile: how quickly he must have replaced you after you’d left, how he must’ve taken in another in your place.

Stop it.

Too engrossed in your thoughts, you don’t notice the closing of the doors and the blinking of the lights until you hear the loud system once more as the train starts to accelerate.

“Iryeong, Iryeong. Our next stop is Iryeong, please get off on the right side of the train.”

You are left suddenly hyper aware of your surroundings, watching as snow paints the ground white. The houses blur into trees and back into villages as you stare out the window, and you start to remember. You remember your hands intertwined, dancing in the snow, the click of a camera as the melodies of your laughs twirling in the air. You remember the snugness of his embrace, his earthy cologne, his smile, his lips pressed against yours…

Stop.

You tear your gaze away from the glass, staring down at your gloved hands fiddling in your lap. It’s been a year. It’s laughable how much and how little has changed. You’re different, yes, but yet so painfully similar to the girl who ran away. It’s funny how much of a difference, or lack thereof, a year can make, you think. It’s certainly been hard on you, and you find yourself wondering about him, about how maybe the year has changed him, how he’s doing, if he’s eating well, if…

Stop.

You’re hopeless, aren’t you?

You sigh and shut your eyes. You’re going crazy. Or maybe you’ve always been crazy. Your thoughts are feverish, a maelstrom in your mind. Involuntarily, you notice your feet rapidly tapping the metal bar to your side, vibrating against the pole. You feel the ghost of a touch on your thigh, hear the empty shell of his words, breathe, Y/N, breathe. What’s got you all worked up? And for a moment, just a moment, you feel his presence to your side, capture the warmth radiating off of his figure, and smile. Because it’s all okay when he’s here.

But he’s not.

You decide to focus on the sound of the railroads, staring down at the speckled floor of the train as the carriage undulates gently, side to side. You ride along, the train’s movements easing your own and you begin to lose yourself once again in the clacks of the rails, mind going blank, until you start to notice the slowing of the sounds. The train’s dance comes to a slow, inviting people to start getting up and shuffle towards the doors. Your heart sinks to your stomach. Not yet, not yet. It can’t be. It’s too soon.

The loudspeaker crackles to life, confirming your worst fears. “Arriving at Iryeong, please stay clear of the doors and exit on the right side of the train.”

Your legs move on their own accord, pulling you to a standing position as you grip the metal post with your life. The train continues to slow, eventually, painstakingly coming to a halt. You wish it never will, that it will continue on with its journey ahead. But it’s too late. The doors slide open, the sounds of the outside world whistle for you, calling you, urging you out of the comfort of the train. You don’t dare move, standing still as passengers trickle out, as the flashing lights start to appear, as the minute at the station starts to come to an end. The doors are closing in five. Four.

You twitch.

Three. Two.

“Wait!”

You rush out the doors, barely escaping the iron clasp of the metals that would’ve devoured you had you been a second too late. Behind you, the steel hisses as the vehicle exits the station, leaving you alone. So utterly alone.

You’re blessed with a moment of solitude, feeling nothing but the cold air chilling your face, until you realize where you are and why you’re here.

The bliss of being alone rapidly evaporates, and you’re hit with a speeding truck. The memories flood in; you’re winded, gasping for breath as you’re stormed with images, short clips of him, you, the pair of you. His smile, his laugh, his cheeks, eyes, nose. His breath tickling yours before he leans in for a kiss, his gentle, large hands cupping your face as you close your eyes…

Stop. Get a fucking grip, will you?

You force the color out of your mind as you make your way around the platform, empty now that everyone has gone. Your eyes graze against the pathetic, run-down station: the signs are only partially lit, the electricity having worn out. Your fingers run against the peeling, dirtied paint of the walls, dust bunnies catching onto your gloves. You scoff. This is pathetic. The floor is littered with plastics and old soda bottles, as if nobody’s been here to clean in too long. Graffiti smiles sadly back at you as you scan the fading walls, losing their life by the second. The bricks have faded into a musty brown, drab and uninteresting. Everything is so run down, so tired. You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose as you make your way to the minimart to your right, wanting a beverage to help warm your insides up.

The doors slide open with a gentle clink, altering the store of your presence. The cashier at the counter looks up at you through half-lidded eyes, barely acknowledging you, before returning to the drama playing on his cracked phone. The shelves are well-stocked, however, in stark contrast to the beaten-down appearance of this whole ordeal. You glide along the aisles, and everything is the same. Your favorite tea is still on the same shelf as it was all those months ago, his favorite gimbap in the bottom left corner of the chiller. Beef and sesame, he’d get, while you’d get a tuna for yourself, clinking your drinks and hearing the hiss of his cola opening, laughing as you made a mess of yourselves, two young fools madly in love. You’d talk, drink, eat for hours, whispering, dreaming and wishing, wondering what was going to come in the future, what you’d name your first puppy, whether you wanted a girl or a boy for your first child. Never would you have ever imagined that it would all end this way.

Stop it.

You grab your bottle of tea violently, almost knocking it over in your hurry to leave. You could no longer stay, not here, suffocating in your memories of him. You erased the gimbap out of your vision, ignoring it as you made your way to the counter, paying for your drink as the half-hearted employee handed you with your change. You mutter a thank you, unsure if he had even heard, and mindlessly make your way out of the store, too focused on keeping someone out of your head. You nearly bang into the glass doors in your haste, looking down and walking as fast as you can. Until your heart stops, that is.

You don’t dare look up, not now. The whole world slows to a stand-still, your gaze sharpening on nothing. Your heart is about to beat out of your chest, your lungs stop working. Electricity charges through the air and you’re left reeling, not knowing what to do.

Slowly, painfully, your neck raises, muscles straining with all their might. You already know what you’re going to see, who you’re going to see, but the sight of him still shocks you all the same. You nearly spill your drink all over yourself when you finally look up, and your brain goes into overdrive. You’re sure that your mouth is hanging open, jaw slack, but you can’t do anything about it. Your knees buckle, you can’t breathe, suffocating, wanting the ground to swallow you up at this very moment. You want to fall, tumble into an eternal tunnel. You are dizzy, light-headed, going crazy, you swear. You’re going crazy, aren’t you? This can’t be real, can it?

You can’t believe it. You’re drowning, drowning in those chocolate eyes, sinking into his pupils, losing yourself in his gorgeous features. You drink him all in, his own face mirroring yours, in no doubt absolute shock or maybe even despair, his deadly stare making your breath hitch as it once did so long ago. He’d never lost his power over you, after all. The world is suspended around you, all operations ceased as you both continue to stare into each other’s eyes, the tension so palpable that it threatens to devour you whole. Your larynx seems to be glued shut, your tongue a stone in your mouth. There are no words, no way to express this feeling that washes over you upon seeing him again.

“Y/N…”

His voice. Your ears ring with his deep baritone, honey to your ears. You can’t help it: you quite literally swoon, despite the circumstances. His voice: it ignites a fire within you, warm tendrils of heat rising up from your stomach. Vibrations send throughout your core, making you lightheaded and sure that you’re about to fall. You remember his timber next to you in the dead of light, comforting you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, it’s okay, it’s okay, breathe, it’s okay, you’re here with me.

You hug your arms around yourself, trying to keep it all in, retain the strange feeling that was now foreign to you after months of cold. It’s been too long, after all - you’ve gone too long deprived of this humanness, comfort that radiated off of him.

Things are different now, Y/N.

Yes, they are. Your mind goes berserk once more, considering all of the scenarios. Why is he here? He probably just needs to go to the minimart - no, why would he come all this way, he lives pretty far as well, or maybe he’s waiting on a friend, no, maybe he’s brought a new girlfriend, maybe she’s with him right now waiting to jump out of the shadows. Maybe they’re both exchanging looks right now when I’m not looking, laughing, taunting me, this girl from the past who doesn’t deserve to be here, maybe they all think I’m a joke now, what am I doing, why, why, why?

You’re so lost in your thoughts that when Taehyung addresses you once more, you’re violently jolted out of your mind and nearly fall backwards, body forgetting everything but the sound of his voice.

“Y/N…” he says again, forcing you to look up at him. Your name splinters through the air from his lips, cutting through the frost and straight into your chest; you notice now that his voice seems tired, that he seems tired.

You finally regain some semblance of control over your frozen tongue, lips moving in an attempt to emit a sound, any sound. Your lips wrap around the sole syllable that comes to you like muscle memory, the only one that you manage to choke out.

“T-Tae…”

Your voice cracks, unable to continue. The prolonged eye-contact has got you weak, his pupils boring into your soul. You look into his eyes, reciprocating, and you notice that maybe they’ve lost their golden sheen, that they no longer twinkle with constellations of stars. And it’s then that you realize: maybe the year has taken a toll on him too.

Look at what you’ve done to him.

“T-Tae, I, I, I…” you sputter out, guilt flooding your system like a drug. There was nothing you could say, nothing you could tell him to cheat yourself out of the situation or paint yourself in a better light like you’re so used to doing. You’re not used to feeling this powerless, this weak. Taehyung was the only one who saw through the facade, the only one who allowed you to feel vulnerable. You couldn’t lie to him, you knew you couldn’t; there was no wheedling, no bullshitting, no lying yourself out of any sticky situation, which had caused you this whole trouble in the first place. You ran because you were too much of a coward to talk to him, to confide in him. And look where that’s gotten you.

“Why are you here?” he asks, burying his head in his hands. “Y/N, why are you here?”

Why am I here? You don’t really know as well, there’s nothing that you can say to him. Why am I here? To get over him? How are you even going to tell him? He has to think that you’re over him, that it’s done. Stop torturing yourself, and stop dragging him through this mess of your life. Tell him that it’s done.

“I… I came because…”

Y/N, say something?

“I came because I… I was looking for you.”

What the fuck?

His head snaps up, his piercing stare catching your gaze once again. “You were looking for me?”

You feel your heart stop.

“Umm… well, I mean, no, but, no, well actually if I think about it now, yeah, yeah I was looking for you,” you stammer, unable to produce a single cohesive line of thought. “I was looking for you because I wanted to tell you that it’s over.”

Your own words are like a dagger twisting into your own heart and vaguely hear a choked sound breaking the awful, awful silence. Until you realize that it’s come from your own mouth, a sob that you hadn’t even realized that you were holding in.

A moment of charged silence goes by, yet louder than any noise that either of you could’ve let out. Never in your life has silence felt so utterly deafening, and you wish to cover your ears and scream it all out.

“You’re telling me this now?” Taehyung manages, features distorted in pain. “You’re telling me this now, a whole fucking year after you walk out the door without a single word to me?”

You look down at the ground, hating, blaming your traitorous mouth for saying something that you hadn’t fully thought through.

No, Y/N. You have to stop bringing everyone down.

You’ve lost all rational thought when you say, “yes, Taehyung. Yes. I had nothing to say to you then and nothing to say to you now. It’s done and it’s over.”

You couldn’t even say sorry?

The frosty wind brushes over the pair of you, causing you to shiver in your boots. You want nothing more than to curl up into a ball and disappear, pretend that this never happened, that this was all a bad dream.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a security guard watching the whole exchanged with piqued interest. It’s none of your fucking business, you want to scream. It’s none of your fucking business. And yet you’re so humiliated, embarrassed at this whole mess that you’ve made of not only yourself but the situation in its entirety that you cannot muster up any words to merely defend yourself. You want to cry, sob, yell, scream.

“Fine, Y/N, it’s okay. You know what? It’s okay, you don’t owe me an explanation, you don’t owe me anything, not an apology, not a reason, not your love. It’s okay. It’s fine. Maybe you never loved me, saw me in the same way. Maybe I just assumed, maybe it was wrong of me to assume. Maybe I was too optimistic, too in love with you that I had forced myself to believe the story that I had made up in my head, that you were in love with me too. Maybe I had wanted it, wanted you so bad that I had made myself believe it. Made myself believe that you were in love with me.”

Your heart instinctually reaches out to him, drumming feverishly against your fragile ribcage. No, you want to scream. No, Taehyung, you couldn’t be more fucking wrong. He doesn’t know the way your heart beats for him in the dead of night, how the mere thought of him sends shivers down your spine, how every cell in your body, every thread of your being aches, yearns for his presence with every hour, every minute, every second.

You feel your heart breaking, splintering into thousands, millions of tiny little fragments raining down like shards of glass. It hurts, it hurts like hell.

“It’s okay, Y/N. Don’t force yourself into anything. There’s no need to anymore. There’s no more need to lie, no more need to pretend that you’re happy.”

“Thank you for telling me the truth.”

It’s not the truth, you want to cry. It’s not. It’s the farthest from it. But you return his look, tight-lipped. You nod, despite the swell of emotions that are threatening to cut you in half at this very moment.

“You’re welcome.”

He reciprocates your nod and slowly, painfully, tears his eyes from yours. He stands up, gingerly, as if hesitating, and you want to tell him to stop, to sit back down, that you’re lying to him, that you want him, that you want him more than anything in this world. But you don’t, and he continues onto his feet, sparing you one last gaze.

“At least I get to say goodbye,” he says, wistfully. “At least I now have the chance to say goodbye.”

You’re sure that tears are streaming down your face at this point, little trails of ice making their way down your blushed cheeks. Your lips are tight, and you cannot, for the life of you, return his look.

Before you can fully comprehend what’s happening, you know he’s here, the familiar hold of his arms, your face finding itself nestled on the same spot on his chest, right above his heart. You feel it beat, gently, slowly, under your ear, a comforting rhythm that you’ve too often fallen asleep to, whispered to. Your arms instinctually wrap around his waist, and his head settles on the crook of your neck, the curve of his nose gently kissing your delicate skin. His warmth radiates from under his coat, and you soak it all in, collecting as much as you can. You are two puzzle pieces, a perfect fit, and you will this moment into eternity, searing it into your memory, wishing for the world to stop, stop right now and leave you in this moment forever. You’ve been lost, wandering, and have finally come home.

But forever doesn’t exist.

You’re struck with a blast of cold at his loss, feeling horribly empty. He steps away from you, and you’re almost certain that you see moisture in his eyes, tears threatening to break free. Every fiber of your being yearns for him, you want to reach out to him, extend the hug, shower him in kisses, make up and forget that this all even happened, but you’re too prideful. You can’t let yourself do this.

“Goodbye, Y/N. Thank you for everything.”

And just like that, he’s gone.

[ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ]

11:42am, March 12 2021

[taehyung]

I miss you.

I miss you as the seasons come and go, I miss you as I watch the world going to shit, losing all hope. I miss you when the wind blows, taking me along like a pointless man, destined for nowhere. I’ll miss you eternally; I’ll miss you when all the ice melts into the ocean, I’ll miss you when everything’s finally disappeared and there’s utter nothing left for me.

I miss you in the brightest mornings and the darkest nights, when the sun comes out to play and the rain starts pelting down like there’s no tomorrow. I’ll miss you in the loneliest winters and the blooming springs.

Everything reminds me of you. I am stuck in this eternal frost without you here; your loss has trapped me into this winter forever. I am slowly losing feel of my limbs as they succumb to the cold around me - everything has frozen into place, trapping me into the confines of this perpetual season. The world is closing in, I have nowhere to go, nothing to do. No longer do I have you to lead me out of this snow, no longer do I have you to hold my hand and bring me warmth through it all.

Why did you have to go?

Baby, did you know how much pain I’d be in when you’d left? Did you know how much it would hurt, how you’ve trapped me into this never-ending arctic, leaving me behind to freeze?

Did you know when you chose to go?

You’ve left me in ruins, my love. I can’t continue without you. I’m struggling to breathe, suffocating, as the world collapses inwards, threatening to bury me alive. I wait for you everyday, through all of the grief, the pain. I still wait for the day that you come back, that I get to see your face again.

Or maybe I’m a dumbass. I don’t know. Have you changed? Or is it I who has? Or perhaps, us both? I’m still a lovesick fool for you, Y/N, that I can tell you for sure. I can’t stop thinking of you, as the days pass, sun and moon taking their turns in the sky. I’m left, suffering in this darkness, bleakness without you here. I wonder if you’ll still be there at the end, when all ceases to exist. I wonder if I’ll see you again; how much more do I have to wait? How many more sleepless nights will have to pass before I can lay my eyes upon you again? How many days, months, years do I have to hold back before I get to feel you, touch you, kiss you, one more time?

Or maybe I’m being optimistic. You know what, Y/N, I’ll never see you again, maybe you’re better off without me. Maybe it’s all for the best, maybe it’s time for me to move on, maybe it’s time for you to move on. Maybe it really was not meant to be, maybe you really weren’t the one for me.

Then why can’t I get you out of my head?

Y/N, I wish I could just forget you. I wish you never existed, I wish I had never gotten to know you. Then it would be so much easier for me. I wish that you had ignored me, that you had turned me down when you had the chance. It would’ve been the most pain that I’d feel at the time, but believe me, it’s nothing compared to this.

Now I can’t get rid of you, no matter how hard I try. You’re there, you’re there when I lie down and close my eyes for the night, you’re there at work, hiding behind my papers and my laptop, waiting to take me out to lunch. You’re everywhere, baby, you’re in the car, riding shotgun and racing to connect to Bluetooth first, singing at the top of your lungs as we speed down the highway like the reckless teenagers that we were. I see you, hair tangled by the wind, belting out your favorite lyrics out of the roof of my convertible. And I remember thinking, for the hundredth time that night, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world. Damnit, Y/N, you’re standing by the mirror every morning when I get ready for my meetings, dainty fingers straightening my tie and planting a kiss on my lips. You got this, lover boy.

You’re there, and then you’re not. You flicker between reality and imagination, I cannot discern whether I’m living in a fever dream or simply hallucinating. You’re slipping through my hands like grains of sand: I’m losing more of you by the second, can’t seem to hold on to you. You’re disappearing, getting further and further away as all I can do is watch helplessly as you fall through my fingers.

Where are you now, Y/N?

I worry about you, I worry whether you’ve eaten well, whether you’ve slept well, whether you’ve had a good day at the office. Have you seen your parents lately? Have you had some time to yourself over the past days, have you overworked yourself as you often tend to do? Are you taking care of yourself?

Is it selfish of me to be wishing for you, thinking of you after all this time? Tell me, Y/N, is it wrong of me to be wanting you despite it having been over for so long now? You’ve probably moved on by now, considering how long it’s already been. Maybe you’ve met someone new, maybe you’re in love with someone else, maybe I’ve already been replaced with another man in your life.

Maybe I treated you wrong, maybe you didn’t feel like I loved you enough, maybe I didn’t make you feel special enough. I wish, Y/N, I wish that I could turn back time for you, I wish I could go back and be better for you, that I could fix all of the mistakes that I’ve made, wipe all of the tears that you might’ve cried for me, swallow up all of the pain that must’ve been plaguing you, to suck up the hurt that you were feeling back then. I wish you could give me all of the pain, I wish that I could’ve carried it all for you, shielded you from it all like how I should’ve done.

But it’s too late now, isn’t it?

You’ve met someone else by now, you’re laughing, smiling, whispering with another, kissing someone else’s lips, in love with your new man. And I’m still here, trying to get over you like the pathetic loser that I am. There are so many regrets, so many things that I wish that I could still tell you, so many errors, mistakes that I made. It’s all my fault. I want nothing more than to be able to get on my knees in front of you and apologize for everything. There are so many more words, so many moments that I want nothing more than to be spending with you.

I’m still in love with you.

I think I always will be, Y/N. I know it’s selfish of me. I really can’t help it. I’m sorry.

You came into my life like a whirlwind, taking all of me along for the ride. And now that you’re gone, I don’t know what to do with myself no longer. I’ve been swept away with you and my fate will forever be left in your hands. There’s nothing left for me here, not in my work nor art. All that’s left is you. You are the only thing keeping me going now - I live another day, endure another night hoping for you, waiting for the day that I will finally see you again. I open my eyes for you in the mornings, in hopes of laying them upon your figure once more.

Maybe it’ll all be for nothing, I know. Maybe I’ll never see you again. But there’s nothing left for me, remember? I’m willing to take my chance. For when I finally do see you once more, it will all be worth it.

I miss you, Y/N. I miss you so fucking much. My heart beats for you, my lungs breathe for you. My every cell in my entire being aches so desperately for you, for you and you only. And so I’ll wait for you. I promise. I’ll be here for you, waiting for the day that I get to catch a glimpse of you, to be there when you need a shoulder to cry on, for when you need even the littlest, tiniest thing. I’m ready to give you the world, baby. I’m ready to right all my wrongs, to treat you like the fucking queen that you are. I’m going to treat you the way that you deserve.

When that time comes, my heart will be happy. When the time comes that I see you again, that I hear your voice again, your laugh again, it’ll be okay. All this pain will fade away to nothing. Don’t worry about me, darling, I’ll always be here, waiting. Waiting for you, until the end.

I promise.

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

an: i hope you liked it!!!! <3 please please please leave feedback my loves!

#taehyung #taehyung x reader #bts x reader #bts fluff #bts smut #bts angst #taehyung smut #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #taehyung imagine #bts imagine #bts taehyung

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sereineityy · 4 years ago

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how many more sleepless nights?

genre: nonidol!au, ANGST, slight fluff

summary: a year is a long time, isn’t it? you’ve spent yours stuck in an eternal, monochrome winter. a surprise encounter derails all of your plans: feelings fade... or do they, really?

pairing: taehyung x reader

word count: 5.4k

warnings: swearing, terrible terrible angst (im sorry!), heartbreak, implied smut, angsty flashbacks :(

[ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ]

09:17am, december 17, 2020

Your heart aches for him, the echo of a honeyed baritone, the ghost of his warm, muscular arms wrapped around your shoulders.

It’s for the best, you had thought. It’s for the best.

Stop. This is getting ridiculous.

No. You need this.

The winter air roughly brushes against your cheeks, hurrying you along.

What are you so afraid of?

Go. Just go. Get it over with.

“This is the Special Rapid Train, on the Gyeongwon line, headed for Sosoyan. We will be stopping at Seokgye, Wolgye, Dobong and Iryeong. Please stay clear of the sliding doors!”

Stop it.

Too engrossed in your thoughts, you don’t notice the closing of the doors and the blinking of the lights until you hear the loud system once more as the train starts to accelerate.

“Iryeong, Iryeong. Our next stop is Iryeong, please get off on the right side of the train.”

Stop.

You’re hopeless, aren’t you?

But he’s not.

The loudspeaker crackles to life, confirming your worst fears. “Arriving at Iryeong, please stay clear of the doors and exit on the right side of the train.”

You twitch.

Three. Two.

“Wait!”

You’re blessed with a moment of solitude, feeling nothing but the cold air chilling your face, until you realize where you are and why you’re here.

Stop. Get a fucking grip, will you?

Stop it.

“Y/N…”

Things are different now, Y/N.

“T-Tae...”

Look at what you’ve done to him.

“Why are you here?” he asks, burying his head in his hands. “Y/N, why are you here?”

“I… I came because…”

Y/N, say something?

“I came because I... I was looking for you.”

What the fuck?

His head snaps up, his piercing stare catching your gaze once again. “You were looking for me?”

You feel your heart stop.

“You’re telling me this now?” Taehyung manages, features distorted in pain. “You’re telling me this now, a whole fucking year after you walk out the door without a single word to me?”

You look down at the ground, hating, blaming your traitorous mouth for saying something that you hadn’t fully thought through.

No, Y/N. You have to stop bringing everyone down.

You’ve lost all rational thought when you say, “yes, Taehyung. Yes. I had nothing to say to you then and nothing to say to you now. It’s done and it’s over.”

You couldn’t even say sorry?

You feel your heart breaking, splintering into thousands, millions of tiny little fragments raining down like shards of glass. It hurts, it hurts like hell.

“It’s okay, Y/N. Don’t force yourself into anything. There’s no need to anymore. There’s no more need to lie, no more need to pretend that you’re happy.”

“Thank you for telling me the truth.”

“You’re welcome.”

“At least I get to say goodbye,” he says, wistfully. “At least I now have the chance to say goodbye.”

But forever doesn’t exist.

“Goodbye, Y/N. Thank you for everything.”

And just like that, he’s gone.

[ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ]

11:42am, March 12 2021

[taehyung]

I miss you.

I miss you in the brightest mornings and the darkest nights, when the sun comes out to play and the rain starts pelting down like there’s no tomorrow. I'll miss you in the loneliest winters and the blooming springs.

Why did you have to go?

Baby, did you know how much pain I’d be in when you’d left? Did you know how much it would hurt, how you’ve trapped me into this never-ending arctic, leaving me behind to freeze?

Did you know when you chose to go?

Then why can’t I get you out of my head?

Where are you now, Y/N?

But it’s too late now, isn’t it?

I’m still in love with you.

I think I always will be, Y/N. I know it’s selfish of me. I really can’t help it. I’m sorry.

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

an: i hope you liked it!!!! <3 please please please leave feedback my loves!

#btsfic #kim taehyung #bts imagine #btssmut #bts fluff #bts x reader #bts #taehyung imagine #taehyungsmut #taehyung fluff #angst

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sereineity · 4 years ago

Text

how many more sleepless nights?

genre: nonidol!au, ANGST, slight fluff

summary: a year is a long time, isn’t it? you’ve spent yours stuck in an eternal, monochrome winter. a surprise encounter derails all of your plans: feelings fade… or do they, really?

pairing: taehyung x reader

word count: 5.4k

warnings: swearing, terrible terrible angst (im sorry!), heartbreak, implied smut, angsty flashbacks :(

[ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ]

09:17am, december 17, 2020

Your heart aches for him, the echo of a honeyed baritone, the ghost of his warm, muscular arms wrapped around your shoulders.

It’s for the best, you had thought. It’s for the best.

Stop. This is getting ridiculous.

No. You need this.

The winter air roughly brushes against your cheeks, hurrying you along.

What are you so afraid of?

Go. Just go. Get it over with.

“This is the Special Rapid Train, on the Gyeongwon line, headed for Sosoyan. We will be stopping at Seokgye, Wolgye, Dobong and Iryeong. Please stay clear of the sliding doors!”

Stop it.

Too engrossed in your thoughts, you don’t notice the closing of the doors and the blinking of the lights until you hear the loud system once more as the train starts to accelerate.

“Iryeong, Iryeong. Our next stop is Iryeong, please get off on the right side of the train.”

Stop.

You’re hopeless, aren’t you?

But he’s not.

The loudspeaker crackles to life, confirming your worst fears. “Arriving at Iryeong, please stay clear of the doors and exit on the right side of the train.”

You twitch.

Three. Two.

“Wait!”

You’re blessed with a moment of solitude, feeling nothing but the cold air chilling your face, until you realize where you are and why you’re here.

Stop. Get a fucking grip, will you?

Stop it.

“Y/N…”

Things are different now, Y/N.

“T-Tae…”

Look at what you’ve done to him.

“Why are you here?” he asks, burying his head in his hands. “Y/N, why are you here?”

“I… I came because…”

Y/N, say something?

“I came because I… I was looking for you.”

What the fuck?

His head snaps up, his piercing stare catching your gaze once again. “You were looking for me?”

You feel your heart stop.

“You’re telling me this now?” Taehyung manages, features distorted in pain. “You’re telling me this now, a whole fucking year after you walk out the door without a single word to me?”

You look down at the ground, hating, blaming your traitorous mouth for saying something that you hadn’t fully thought through.

No, Y/N. You have to stop bringing everyone down.

You’ve lost all rational thought when you say, “yes, Taehyung. Yes. I had nothing to say to you then and nothing to say to you now. It’s done and it’s over.”

You couldn’t even say sorry?

You feel your heart breaking, splintering into thousands, millions of tiny little fragments raining down like shards of glass. It hurts, it hurts like hell.

“It’s okay, Y/N. Don’t force yourself into anything. There’s no need to anymore. There’s no more need to lie, no more need to pretend that you’re happy.”

“Thank you for telling me the truth.”

“You’re welcome.”

“At least I get to say goodbye,” he says, wistfully. “At least I now have the chance to say goodbye.”

But forever doesn’t exist.

“Goodbye, Y/N. Thank you for everything.”

And just like that, he’s gone.

[ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ]

11:42am, March 12 2021

[taehyung]

I miss you.

Why did you have to go?

Baby, did you know how much pain I’d be in when you’d left? Did you know how much it would hurt, how you’ve trapped me into this never-ending arctic, leaving me behind to freeze?

Did you know when you chose to go?

Then why can’t I get you out of my head?

Where are you now, Y/N?

But it’s too late now, isn’t it?

I’m still in love with you.

I think I always will be, Y/N. I know it’s selfish of me. I really can’t help it. I’m sorry.

I promise.

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

an: i hope you liked it!!!! <3 please please please leave feedback my loves!

#taehyung #btsimagine #taehyungfic #btsfanfic #taehyungfanfic #taehyungangst #btsangst #btsfluff #btssmut #taehyungsmut #kimtaehyung #taehyungimagine #taehyungscenario #taehyung x reader #bts x reader

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zhuhongs · 4 years ago

Text

Upon rereading tgcf, one of the biggest complaints I have is how lackluster all the extra chapters were. literally none of them were good and all contained rlly gross and harmful sentiments (like the amnesia one which.. yea.. or all the things implying xl should get pregnant for hc thus equating gay relationships with hetero ones and playing into the wife thing and just GOD I HATE MXTX)

There were a lot of little plot points i wish that had been further elaborated on more in the extras as opposed to hualian being ... like that. I had enough. Like mdzs had actaully good extras (minus the incense burners) that were nice side stories that elaborated more on the characters. Like the hook one with the juniors was so cute and i loved seeing them grow more. Or the lotus pod extras omg.. im such a lotus pod extra stan. those were so cute and gave us a lot of good insight into just how lovestruck lwj was during the times when he didn’t see wwx. mxtx should've stuck to those sorta extras in tgcf but NOOO. SO I have a list of so many other more interesting things those chapters couldve been spent on like:

A resolution on He Xuan’s revenge and his character arc. Bc its implied He Xuan is still hanging out and watching over sqx and that taking revenge didn’t fully satisfy him bc ok.. yea shi wudu is dead but he xuans family will never come back. Now what does he have to live for?? i wish we couldve seen a look into his life during the entire ordeal. like a chapter from his perspective while he was posing as Ming Yi and maybe a look at a conversation btw he xuan and the real ming yi or a chapter after SQX was banished to see what he’s doing now. Also what did he xuan owe hua cheng money for anyways?? Like ik not every little thing has to be explained but I Want to Know. PLEASE more goth boyfriend content now I just wanna see him :,((

a better resolution of yin yu and quan yizhens storyline. im still mad abt how that plot point was split btw books 3 and 5 when it was rlly out of place and there were other more pressing plot matters and it just rlly deserved more time. Also i thought yin yu died!?!?!? but apparently one of the extras says he’s alive and man... i;m not reading any more of the extras to see that, give me a full yin yu and quan yizhen chapter.. fuck.

a day in the life of the guoshi fangxin or general hua PLEASE especially like one where hua cheng was SO CLOSE to meeting xie lian but had no clue that xie lian was there at the time but the two did smth that inadvertantly helped the other and they still were connected even though they hadnt met omg pls that’d be so nice. like imagine Hua cheng catching a glimpse of the guoshi in public in yong’an while he’s trying to follow some lead that points to xie lian or maybe following a lead to capture qi rong bc he said he knew qi rong was a part of the yong’an stuff and originally thought the guoshi was one of qi rongs pawns. like can you IMAGINE him getting so close. but at the last second he did smth small that impacted xie lian. like they bumped into eachother on the street or smth. god i’d go crazy

OR vice versa.. like a day in the life of the young ghost king hua cheng. Like again, one of my biggest issues was that hua cheng just knew everything and its never really explained how he got all of that info. like yes he’s been alive very long and has eyes and ppl working for him everywhere but like... how did he build that network?? I’d love to see a chapter of young ghost king hua cheng travelling around trying to learn as much as he can abt the world and how it can help bring him to xie lian. and the two maybe are in the same kingdom for a bit and they don’t meet exactly but hua cheng stops some fight or something and helps xie lian indirectly or maybe xie lian is performing on the street in some costume and hua cheng doesn’t recognize him and smiles and gives him a coin or smth. idk i’m just dying for any sorta extra chapter or fic like that. i’m honestly so tempted to write my own but i cant write

also!! we’ve seen how xie lian picks up people down on their luck near him and show them kindness (like banyue, lang ying, xiao ying, he tried to with san lang but we know how that ended lmao) so i’d love to see another little vignette of him doing that on his travels and how every person he meets teaches him smth about life and being a good person and idk, i just think it’d be rlly sweet. i love this facet of his character and feel like we didn’t see enough of it towards the end.

ALSO hua cheng only seems to respect one heavenly official besides xie lian and thats yushi huang.. i assume thats mostly bc she was the only one to help xie lian and let him use the rain master hat to bring water to yong’an. I was thinking maybe when he was a new supreme he had run into trouble and maybe was picked up by the rain master and helped him heal and in return he promised to help protect her village from harm in the future. Like i know a heavenly official wouldn’t cooperate with a ghost like that but yushi huang is different and doesn’t really care about the heavens so i think she would protect him if he could do something to benefit her village. ik this is kinda far fetched but when he first became a supreme I’m sure a bunch of ppl probably tried to mess with him and didn’t rlly believe him to be undefeatable bc he hadn’t proved himself yet also i doubt all his power came overnight. he had to learn how to use it once he escaped the kiln. and some group probably thought they could weaken him somehow. I’m thinking maybe a rlly well formed group of ghosts actually caught him off guard once and he had to retreat and was picked up by the rain master and stayed with her and learned from her a bit. i think it’d be a cool concept also i just rlly want more yushi huang content and i’m on their friendship agenda bc he rlly did seem to actually respect her when she first appeared and i think it’d be cool if the two had some history together.

Also idrc if this was addressed I couldve missed it But!! Did xie lian ever tell Hua cheng that the reason he got the curse shackles and was banished again in the first place wasnt bc jun wu wanted to punish him, but because he requested it. And specifically requested it bc he felt guilty abt letting wu ming take the human face disease and disperse for his sake. So he took the shackles and descended to atone for that?? Bc I dont recall hua cheng learning that bc his soul was already dispersed at that point so it didnt follow him and xie lian didnt say anything so uhhh... someone should tell hua cheng that. Like I dont think xie lian rlly said how much hua cheng meant to him and didnt show him he was loved in grand ways. Like xie lian did always care for bc in other ways but I think if hua cheng learned abt this on screen it wouldve been such a great moment and I'm rlly surprised mxtx didnt address this iirc!?!? Like imagine jun wu telling Hua cheng this in the kiln bc xie lian wouldnt say it himself. Imagine how cool that would be.

Also a small thing adding into the whole young ghost king Hua cheng stuff. Its implied and p much stated that hua cheng isnt his real name. That he likely doesnt have a real name bc his parents died? (It's not clear. I'm still mad at mxtx for not making his childhood clearer). So I'd like to see when and why hua cheng chose that name for himself. The new tgcf ending song kinda hints at its meaning with the lyrics "for you I'd fill a city of flowers" as xie lian is the flower wielding martial god so it's probably inspired by that. Also xie lian saved hua cheng from leaping off the city walls but I'd love to hear him say it bc the implication of his name didnt dawn on me for quite a bit and I dont know if everyone made the connection. Again I sure as hell didnt. So itd be cool to see a chapter that takes place in his past after just ascending as a supreme

Overall I rlly think tgcf had a lot more potential to be even better and a lot of that comes down to fleshing out the side characters and letting hualian have more of a storyline independent of one another. like i know the appeal and message of tgcf is that through love, people can overcome anything, but fuck man. i just wanna see what these two (mostly hua cheng) where like in the absence of each others presence. Part of what I really liked abt mdzs is that we got to see that longing develop btw wangxian when the two weren’t together and how they thought about each other and did things in thei others spirit bc they knew the other wouldve done the same thing. but whatever, mxtx was too consumed by her own unhealthy idea of what devotion and true love looks like but still. i rlly think the extras couldve helped the story be better rather than be fujoshi fuel that i try to bleach from my mind -_-

#tgcf #🐌.txt #long post #text heavy #god its 1am im queuing this for the daytime bc i need yall to read this and scream with me bc these wouldve been such better extra chapters #oh fuck this is 1.3k words ajfaskjfklasfjksd #i should just write my own extras at this point now.. fuck mxtx

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smalltragedy · 4 years ago

Text

* herman tommeraas, cis man + he/him | you know donovan mercer, right? they’re twenty one, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ice boy by corbin like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 15th, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

yes hi i did bring ducky back. i promised. please love him jst the same im sry he had 2 go fr a while.

ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.

mini playlist.

father ;; the front bottoms / ice boy ;; corbin / lose yourself ;; eminem / my own worst enemy ;; lit / say it ain’t so ;; weezer / maps ;; yeah yeah yeahs / star stopping ;; lil peep / benz truck ;; lil peep / trauma ;; nf / northern downpour ;; panic! at the disco / your graduation ;; modern baseball.

statistics.

full name: donovan mercer.

nickname(s): ducky.

birthday: march 15th, 1999.

zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.

label: the despondent.

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.

sexuality: bisexual (bt not out).

pinterest.

biography.

born in hell’s kitchen to vinny mercer and a mother who ran out of the hospital as fast as she could, as soon as she was able. she’d gone so quick that she’d never given ducky a middle name - just donovan. the younger brother of mercy (shoutout 2 bri)

his father’s the right-hand man of a well known mob boss named lars amaretto, and so, you can imagine the kind of environment ducky (& mercy) grew up in. weapon & drug dealings, interrogations, violence around every corner. a brutal way of living, no place to raise two children.

implied abuse tw // their father was not kind, or merciful - and ducky was a runt compared to mercy, small and sensitive and kinder than his brother. weak, and filled with softness, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice - but it didn’t. and it never did.

he cried often, and was punished often for it until he learned to stop crying - at least in front of their father, and mercy too, at some point. only in the comfort of his room, with doors locked and blinds drawn closed. implied abuse end of tw

he dreamed, too, dreamt often. he’d been obsessed with outer space since childhood, as long as he could remember. school had once shown man landing on the moon, and ducky wanted that. wanted to be that, wanted to be there, up with the stars, discovering the unthinkable.

abuse mention // but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be. end of abuse mention

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.

abuse mention // anxiety mention // anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.

the plan took months of preparation, paper ripped out from the back of his school notebook and stuffed beneath his mattress, details of his escape from a checklist of essential items to makeshift maps of bus routes to different cities.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

heavy abuse tw // violence tw // it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly.

eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse.

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

the mercer brothers have been floating around the north carolina scene for ~5ish years now, trailing after their father who is consistently chasing after their mother with no luck. they’re currently residing in palm motel. can we get a hell yeah?

personality & facts.

he’s actually very? intimidating? when you first meet him. mercy’s younger brother, with a criminal’s record almost as long as his - a scarred face and a mean resting face. it takes at least five minutes of conversation beyond small talk before it starts to weigh on your mind that maybe, he’s not as bad as he seems.

and - well, he isn’t. but he’s guarded - so guarded. more-so than mercy, because mercy’s quicker to anger, quicker to react, and ducky tries so hard to drown out the noise. but he’s not a robot, and his facial expressions can give him away in a second.

he’s seen what happened when mercy had a glimpse of something good in his life (though, it wasn’t actually good at all - mercy had someone, at least. at the very least) - and how quickly it’d all fallen, and so ducky puts a barrier between him and others. distant, as much as he can be.

it hurts, because ducky isn’t by any means antisocial. he doesn’t hate people - he wants to be normal, wants to have friends and a girlfriend - or maybe even a boyfriend, god - but he’s so afraid. ducky is, by nature, a very scared person. terrified to his very core. he knows there is always eyes on him, and mercy too, and he knows that nothing is worth getting someone else hurt.

you know him as mercy’s little brother, and he’s quiet you know that - but his name is ducky, and you think - he’s not too bad. and he knows this, knows the doubts. knows that it’ll get back to mercy, eventually, that his brother is nothing more but a pussy. so he fights more than he’d like to, against the guilt that buries itself deep within his chest with every thrown fist. he throws up, afterwards, in the garbage can outside. too much to drink, he says, rare grin - because grins are convincing, and grins with bleeding gums are intimidating. he learned that from his brother.

violence makes him sick to his very stomach. he can’t watch horror films, or even action films, without feeling queasy. there’s been more times than he can count where he’d thrown up after a fight, or after an interrogation, usually in private but in the occasional presence of mercy.

they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be on him harder. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.

he’s still in love with the moon and the stars, and the planet’s - and their moons, too. its subdued, now, though. a silent passion - one that is often not watered, left for rot. he sneaks into engineering lectures at the community college, occasionally, or physics, or whatever peeks the small curiosity inside of him.

commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs and leaves the rest for mercy. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.

because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy.

a liar, sad to say. has little experience with. ehem. intimacy, and the bodies of others, but lies often and says that he does. mostly to his brother, but word travels quick - and he’s not nearly as much as a fuckboy as is rumored, having only been with a handful of girls, if even that. it’s better this way - if people know that he throws others away like they’re nothing.

he ghosts often, too, if he does get to talking with anybody. the moment ducky feels a spark, something pulling at his poor heart, he ghosts. he develops feelings too easily, too often than he’d like. has left many friendships without explanation, because of this. you know the priest in fleabag season 2? the scene where he comes to fleabag’s house? yeah. tht’s ducky!

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.

pretends he doesn’t care as much as he does. pretends a lot, like there’s nothing soft to him. but a trained eye can see clearly through this. even so - even if you can see that there’s more to ducky than violence and drug deals - you’d still have to break through a dozen walls.

in the rare occasion you get him talking - i mean, talking a lot - he’ll talk about space. ramble off a dozen useless facts about dwarf stars and black holes and all of jupiter’s moons. about a video game he likes, about nothing and everything at all. but as soon as he begins, he stops - embarrassed. apologizes, shuts his mouth, disappears to wherever. anywhere but there.

drug abuse // has a. complicated relationship with benzos n xanax n a various assortment of painkillers. ironic bc he hates drugs due to. his chosen career n wldnt do most of what they sell, bt yknow. this ws inevitable. hates beer bt forces himself 2 drink it bc toxic masculinity probably man idk.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

violence mention // purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.

wanted plots.

u look good tonight ... ;; wld love a connection in which he is feeling emotionally compromised n maybe kinda hs a thing w someone bt hes like. very unreliable n kinda ghosting bc he is very afraid n it wld b maybe bad fr them to b anything other than hook ups. cld apply to smth very intensive or smth very surface lvl i’ll take thousands.

palms sweaty ... moms spaghetti ... ;; ppl tht ducky just hs fkn brawled. cld b anybody fr any reason. ducky prob lost n he prob lost on purpose bt also ur muse cld maybe kick ducky’s ass? cld b a fake fight cld b a real fight. cld b a npc fight n then ur muse cn patch up ducky? possibilities endless. maybe they hv a nice spaghetti dinner n both of them r both bruised up frm their fight. sometimes fights end in spaghetti dinners. thanks eminnem or whatever.

own worse enemy... ;; ducky needs friends bt hes bad at making friends n sometimes he fks shit up by pushing ppl away n self sabotaging n being a major cunt n sometimes he just ghosts bt hes always very remorseful abt it? this cld b a very like. up n down friendship of any type its just. where do they stand. r they friends. r they enemies. r they lovers? probably not lovers. prob just platonic. but still its the thought tht counts.

and also ;; literally just like. anything. clients who buy off of him n like. casual friends n casual enemies n casual hookups. ppl hes ghosted. ppl hes embarrassed himself in front of. maybe ur muse tries to get ducky to socialize or maybe ducky is like. u are too much fr me. n ur muse runs off crying. endless possibilities all u hv to do is call this number now.

#irvingintro #abuse tw #violence tw #drug abuse tw #gangs mention #eye injury tw #chuckles evilly #im a madman #anyways this is like essentially a repost

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mousehole5000 · 4 years ago

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okay im rewriting tgcf (only in my head im lazy) here are my notes on hua/lian specifically this is long bc fuck it. major spoilers obviously and same trigger warnings as the content of the book

disclaimer disclaimer disclaimer that i dont know anything about the cultural background of anything in tgcf or story tropes etc etc this is just I Think It Would Be Neat If..

there’s not really any reason to keep hc as a kid in the backstory BUT in the story in the intro (which i like narratively) it still says that it was a child who xie lian caught. it’s one of those things that got added to the legend to make xie lian seem even more noble, there are also probably a few other inaccuracies in the intro that get found out as the story progresses. in actuality hc was kind of a known troublemaker to the city guards or whatever or had been in the past. maybe his mother just passed after a long illness and his tumble off the wall was intentional. either way he’s kind of pissed at xie lian for saving him. xie lian is concerned about his health so he has to stay at the palace for a while he recovers and only interacts with xie lian a few times. there is a point where he says out loud all the things about the divide between the rich and the poor that have been illustrated by the scenes with mu qing. feng xin tells him to shut up but mq goes dead silent bc he kind of agrees but can’t say and does have his loyalty to xie lian (its a whole thing) and the resentment begins

also i think young hc’s personality is similar to his personality in the present but a bit more reserved and he’s got like this plucky streak or something. also he is unquestionably gay

anyway hc sneaks out of the palace and xie lian catches him obviously but they have a brief little heart to heart where xie lian is like “look you can go if you want here take this money food” etc and demonstrates that he has actually listened to what hc has to say and hc is like “wow no one other than my mom has ever listened to me in my life so thats what that feels like i kind of like it” and he probably is a bit awestruck by xie lian in different ways and after that is like “okay this kingdom sucks but.. that guys not so bad”

sad ironic sense that if xie lian hadnt ascended until he was older he may have actually be able to do something about the problems in the kindgom but alas we have a cycle to perpetuate

the “take me as the meaning of your life” scene still happens p much the same but xl doesnt recognize hc who is actually now at his lowest point. hc tried to find ways to make things better for people like him but he simply did not succeed (maybe his were efforts quashed by the corrupt authorities? its implied probably) and he’s more disillusioned with the kingdom and life than ever but still is holding on to those memories of xie lian as proof that it doesnt have to be like this but that thread is slipping until!! whose fucking voice is that??? thats right its the one person you ever believed was truly good and went and proved you right by ascending to the heavens at age 17!!! guess its time to stan him forever

anyway hc joins the army but legally or whatever and tbh i would have hated the flower cave scene regardless of anything i just hate any sort of s*x pollen trope or anything so thats gone (they can have a wound tending scene or something tho thats the good shit) and instead we have HL getting overwhelmed by some other demons or something together and xie lian protects hc and they both get injured very badly (maybe hc would lose a limb but im not sure how that would work once hes a ghost so thats on hold for now until i figure it out) and xl is fine but this situation ends up being part of why mq kicks hc out of the army but yes hc still ends up dying on the battlefield anyway </3

the wuming stuff is the same i think but also at some point xl is despairing and says something about that guy he saved from falling and wonders what happened to him and fire ghost wuming is like !!!!! (wait does this happen in canon? honestly it should)

in mount tong’lu i was tempted to actually have hc have a similar moment to the bamboo hat scene with the humans who are trapped in there but im not sure if i just want it to be the same as xie lian’s story... also i like the idea of hc needing to hang onto his devotion to get through his first few centuries of being a ghost so maybe he’s just inspired by xie lian’s sacrifice with the sword and the souls and thats why he claws his own eye out as a sacrifice

so this can go one of two ways from here!!! both are me projecting hardcore so take them with a grain of salt im not saying im right about the way relationships should be these a re just my thoughts <3

1. (the not fun one but it still has a happy ending) the story more or less continues the same as canon. pure and simple devotion is what carries hc through the centuries. we get to see some ghost city antics and its fun but there is nothing complicated about the devotion hc just wants to find xl and protect him. hualian eventually meet. they get along pretty well!! eventually there are cracks. when you hold someone in your mind for so long you have expectations for them that no person can meet consistently. hc thinks that since he’s seen xl during the worst time in his life that he can handle anything but it turns out that as amazing as xl is, he is also just a person and sometimes he is wrong or irrational or annoying. xl is so happy to have someone who will listen to him talk that he kind of neglects to really get to know who hc is as a person and hc is kind of like “huh i didnt expect this but im kind of hurt. i genuinely thought that i just wanted to serve and protect you but actually im my own person and this is weird” but he doesnt say anything he thinks he has to stick to his promise and it gets kind of uncomfortable!! maybe his luck goes haywire bc his faith gets rocked for the first time ever and they end up having to talk it out but their relationship is stronger for it <3

2. (i think this one is fun) hc struggles with waiting. he does it but its hard. he has doubts and when all his efforts to find xl are fruitless he starts to grow bitter and curses the day that xl saved him. his faith burns low but doesnt go out. then ghost city!! hc realizes that he can finally help people like him, even if theyre ghosts now and hes grateful for the chance to do this and grateful to xl and resigns himself to waiting. but its still hard!! he realizes that his luck is tied to his devotion and gets kind of pissed about it!!! he tries to remember all the good things about xl but its hard!!! his search becomes more about repaying a debt so he can be free than anything else, he just wants to help the common people spirits with no strings attached (this actually allows him to keep his luck bc he has the same wish as xl and thats what makes him a true believer!! is this corny? does it make sense? i dont care) and so eventually when he finds xl he’s like okay how quickly can i repay this debt/how can i keep my powers but then xie lian is... so good... and hc actually really likes him he remembers why he swore his devotion in the first place. now hes conflicted!!! dont worry they fall in love tho <3

wow this was really long if you read this hiiiii. anyway when i reread ill try to pay more attention to yin yu and he xuan for hc’s 800 years. hua cheng we’re gonna get you some friends and lore i swear to god

#agenda on the whole: hc character exploration #more ling wen and she gets a gf #i am making fq so fucking canon #sqx also gets a gf it is not [redacted]#less pm less qr #more lady rainmaster esp relevance wrt to agriculture!! it affects so much!!!#mouse mumbles #tgcf textp #move

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keycrash · 4 years ago

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so i just finished the zero escape trilogy blind and i absolutely loved iiit tho i am seriously annoyed at the lack of epilogue for d team and the fact that kyle's importance was totally dropped (i get that the another time pov was supposed to be the player an dpossibly the 'god' of free the soul/delta that akane had revealed to her but that doesnt explain kyle's absence)

i’m glad you liked it!! i’m surprised you managed to stay unspoiled if you followed me beforehand lmao. but yeah those two critiques were really common following the game’s release-- as for the kyle thing, i will add that part of uchikoshi’s explanation for that was that the “another time” part of vlr was added fairly last minute (it wasn’t even voiced in japanese) as a means of creating a more ‘hopeful’ ending in the wake of the tsunami that hit japan, iirc. it was never made clear to english fans until after the fact, but it was meant as meta-commentary rather than actual events taking place in the game, apparently. a lot of us were still disappointed, but. yknow.

rest of the messages:

carrying on my previous message im not disappointed a lot was lef tot figur eout e.g. that delta was probably lying about the nuclear war (unless he caused it himself) in line with the 'fanatic bio r = fabrication' thing, and the fact the 'final choice' is solely up to the player i.e. Delta's god, and that the 'way for clover and alice to return from the another time ending in vlr' is implied to be the transporters Akane recovered in the VLR timeline

yeah i actually did really like the fanatic bio r/fabrication thing being ambiguous in isolation, i just felt a little weird about it in the context of delta’s motives; it seemed like the game was intentionally as confusing as possible about his motives in order to make them appear complex instead of actually building them logically

wrt the last thing, this made me come up with a theory that i think is sound but is like HOLY SHIT, i.e. alice and clover get sent via transporter thousands of years into the past and then Alice becomes the original priestess of amen-ra who via ~shenanigans~(involving antarctic ice?) then becomes all-ice and either via clover (transported) or delta/phi shes saved in the 20th century and eventually leaves the mandrake root for hongou to manufacture soporil-b and make all three ZE games possible

i had this theory too before ztd came out!! that alice was gonna get sent back and become all-ice. since it was never touched on in ztd i just kind of dropped it but it’s still fun to think about

last note, i am soo conflicted on akanes portrayal in ztd, on the one hand it is sort of a nice synthesis of her pragmatic self and her bubbly self, on the other hand i feel like it severely undercut how awe inspiring she became in both the 999 and vlr endings that felt like she was a being that existed supeceding timelines and was on par with delta/brother (phi shouldve also had a similarly pivotal role in ztd too tbh)

oh trust me i hate how akane was portrayed in ztd; i think showing a bit of her everyday personality & banter with others would be a great idea, but when i imagine that kind of akane i imagine more like the akane of end or beginning-- she’s practical, pragmatic, a bit morbid, teasing. not the hyper-emotional impulsive reactions that ztd akane had. taking away any sense of power or control from her without even justifying it made her jarringly different from her past two iterations. it didn’t even seem like she had a plan going in to save the world!! and yeah, phi was totally dropped in ztd; she was in character for the most part, but narratively her arc led nowhere, she was painfully absent in the latter half of the game, and the developments we got concerning her had more to do with the material state of her existence/past rather than any emotional trust or opening up by her.

uhhh overall on ztd its weird because with both 999 and vlr i found them kiind of tedious and full of stuff i hated for a large part of the game, and then as they got to the end with the last few hours everything came together so perfectly it blew my mind. zts lacked that completely, but it was also more enjoyable the entire way through, so maybe i cant say i enjoyed it less than the others

for this one it’s more personal taste (i found 999 very fun to play through, though i DEFINITELY agree it gets tedious if you’re playing the original and can’t skip puzzles you’ve already done, but vlr is very much tedious either way); i will agree though that ztd is actually fun to play all the way through with the fragment system, even if the fragment system both adds to and detracts from the story A Lot in different ways

vlr is prooobably the best game i think, which makes sense bc my four favourite characters are akane (no.1, incredible metafictional mastermind ascends to ultimate self), sigma ('congratulations. you played yourself' on loop for 45 years), diana (principled will of steel, "do no harm" even if it creates the apocalypse), and phi (i need so much more phi content), 2 of which are from VLR jfieofuefji. yes D team is my fave

you’re valid, i loooove the vlr characters & story even if the actual experience of playing it knocks it down a few points below 999 for me-- d team is a beautiful little mess and they deserved better treatment in ztd kasmdflaksjdf

#999 spoilers #vlr spoilers #ztd spoilers #Anonymous

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abundantchewtoys · 6 years ago

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HS Epi: Meat p11 reaction

Is the resolution of the Masterpiece really going to fall in between pages about Jane & Jake's fake date?

Maybe not. Maybe we'll see something from John's perspective first, inside the house juju. Giving himself the retcon powers. Coming to terms about some things. But I suspect he won't be able to contact anyone. At least, it would surprise (and entice!) me if someone contacted him while he's hidden away so remotely in there... Speaking of contact, how did John intend to have read anything inside the juju without his glasses or contacts? You can only spend so much time squinting.

I also wonder what they'll do when they're let out. I mean, they haven't become any better at fighting, and LE has. John won't zap his friends, Vriska and Davepetasprite^2 away to confer in a more secure location, right? Assuming he still has his retcon powers by the end of his stay in the house juju.

---

"That’s that, you think. Your glasses are broken forever, and you totally fucked up and underestimated young Lord English. Rose should have known better than to trust this to you alone." Well, I guess having a mental breakdown is one way to pass the time. I'd rather he had some sort of breakthrough instead, though. As for the glasses... Maybe a non-final death will restore them? Or by ascending to his Ultimate Self god tier. Whatever that'd do to his personality...

"Rose, Rose... your smart, amazing friend Rose, you can almost hear her voice now.

> Listen closer, jackass." ... Ah, so Reload Rose and the others can still talk. Their jails neighbour each other after all - they represent the four blocks of the house - but I didn't think it'd be enough for them to confer. Though, I rather think they're limited in what they can do in here, right? Unless... Unless by being in the house juju, they can influence some things inside the plot, still put some things in place so some time loops are fulfilled and stuff is prepared for bringing down LE!

Pretty sure they're barred, narratively, from performing a jail break, though. :P

Ya know, I've talked about the sentiments behind the narrative prompts before, and I just now realized that the kind of intruisive, inflammable language they use are a throwback to Homestuck's narration, since now that we have this POV-type story, the language there in is more shaped towards the person in question.

"You’ve only realized right now that your cell has walls, because it’s awfully bright in here. It’s so white that nothing in the cell is casting a shadow. Looking around, you realize there is no apparent source to all this bright light, making it hard to tell where the floor ends and the walls begin." Oh, I figured it was dark for him, but yeah, the house is white. Maybe the jail cell looks to each as what their idea of being imprisoned in a house-shaped object should be like, and proportions of the space go to match that? Hence why John can't yet tell the floor from the walls, he's got only an inkling of an idea. :P

"JOHN: yeah, i’m here. ROSE: Oh, thank goodness. Everyone’s accounted for then." Hah, John spaced out while the others reconnected. Nice. I'm interested to see what ideas Rose will bring to the table.

So it all comes back to four kids, standing idly in separate rooms, huh. :P

"Are you okay? JOHN: what? ROSE: Are you OKAY?" Okay, either the walls muffle the sound of John is like "this situation does not warrant the use of the word 'okay', rose. 'okay' is definitely not how i would describe us being right now."

"JOHN: i think so. i can barely hear you though.

You can hear a thud from Rose’s corner, like someone slumping against the wall in relief. Well, that’s what you’re doing at least." That's pretty much all she needed to hear right now.

"DAVE: this is kinda dorky to say out loud but i dont DAVE: feel... time" ... They're cut off from all their aspects now, are they? That'd just make them ordinary people. :/ Or maybe it's in reference to time outside of the juju passing way faster, relatively.

"DAVE: thats not just me right you guys feel it too DAVE: or dont JADE: yeah JADE: i mean theres obviously space inside this box but i cant do ANYTHING JADE: its like im blind" ... Okay, so I'm left to wonder. Would the egg sword and Jade's First Guardian powers still be usable? I'm assuming Dave had it out, so even if their sylladexes are inaccessible they might be able to do something.

"The noise outside the juju grows. Something sharp and metallic splinters above and rains down on the top of the chest." That isn't something to do with the pirate party finding the chest in the dreambubbles... So then, what? Did the B2 kids do something with the chest after exiling (excorcising? ... INcorcising?) Caliborn into Lil Cal?

Blaperile has a good point. Do all the soul splices inside Lil Cal experience this in the same way? ... Do all the soul splices in LORD ENGLISH experience this in the same way?? In the sense that the mobster is just a prison they can't escape or influence?

"ROSE: What did my future self say it was we had to do? JOHN: erm... she never rea—" Oh this is going to be so embarrassing.

"The metallic noises rain down harder, drowning out Rose’s attempt at being loud." ... It's that the noises are metallic, otherwise I was almost beginning to think it was more like the white noise. And that would have made me think of the Scratch. That would sure be something though, if the B2 kids initiated a Scratch of Caliborn's session. Actually, what if that was how Alternate Calliope's timeline came to be...

"JOHN: NOW I CAN’T HEAR YOU! JADE: TRY USING LESS WORDS

The length of the silence coming from Rose’s corner communicates just how difficult a task that is for her." Pfffffffff. Incoming character development for Rose: being concise.

"JADE: WHAT????? JOHN: I KNOW IT’S ALL A BIT ABSTRACT, BUT... JADE: NO, I JUST CAN’T HEAR YOU! DAVE: JOHN YOU SUCK AT YELLING JOHN: UGH!" Pfffff, I thought John would be better at yelling coherently, being Karkat's counterpole. ... Blaperile points out the similarity with Karkat sucking at whispering. XD

"Now you understand defeating young Lord English was never supposed to happen. Not the way Adult Rose was implying it would. You surmise the other four teens remaining outside the juju were the ones meant to be tasked with his defeat." It just sucks that John has to come to these admittedly wrong decisions by himself and couldn't have been given more information to work with.

"And judging from the cacophony still emanating from beyond the walls of this house and its confining chest, they are taking the task seriously." Okay, so the B2 kids' fight is still going on. Still unsure what the metal sounds could be about though. Aside from Dirk hacking at the chest with his unbreakable katana.

"But what does this mean for the four of you?" John, don't lose hope, you said it yourself, you'll be unloaded... some time.

"You try to picture what’s going on in the battle outside, but it’s not easy.

> Use your imagination." Of course, the house juju's powers run on imagination! :P No, wait, he's just going to give us his idea of the proceedings of the rest of the Masterpiece. Sadly, he doesn't have any clay at hand. :P

"The coolness of the action in your mind’s eye is belied by the actual sound effects booming all around you, which you can only describe as vaguely stupid." Welp, guess the bar of wedgies is still being cleared only marginally.

"There’s a lot of hysterical screaming, which, if you’re not mistaken, is coming exclusively from the male combatants. ... Well, Dirk IS living and breathing anime. :P

"Almost as if an outrageous bubble of pure Hope were enveloping the stage, is how you would describe it if you didn’t mind sounding ridiculous." Hah, John still doesn't believe in the application of Hope.

"Then you hear... it can’t be. Horses?? No, not simple horses of flesh and bone. These horses are metal, if we’re to believe they’re horses at all." Oh! Right, Arquiusprite summoned those Metalhoofs. Well, that's what I picture they were, Caliborn represented them with metal horse figures... But perhaps he even created robo-centaur butlers and the like. *shivers*

"You figure no one will ever truly know what’s happening out there. You doubt anyone would even be able to handle how incredible the raw, unfiltered account of this teen brawl actually was, so it’s probably for the best." Welp, and we were doing so well just now. :P Eh, it seems the battle unfolded pretty much exactly as foretold, only with some of the more stupid details removed, curtousy of Caliborn's impatience with stupidity. Which in this case might not have been entirely bad. :P

"you overhear Dave from one of the rooms below you, raising his voice to speak to either you or someone else." Right, they are not all on the same level, since it's a house-shaped prison. Uh, but wasn't Dave supposed to be in the part of the house with the extra window? It's been too long, I probably misremember. Oh, wait, yeah, they went through the fourth wall via one of the bottom panes, and it stood for Dave. Never mind.

"Once more you ruefully reflect on these teen versions of your friends, and all the questions they must have for you. For each other. What would you even say to them?" The responsibilities of an adult, John never expected they'd be this hard. He must be growing more appreciative of what his Dad went through with him without even knowing it.

"You’re not even sure you could handle it, if you were Teen John. You’d have too many follow-up questions, which Adult John is in no way prepared to answer." Still, I wouldn't mind a little one-on-one between Johns. A John-on-John, I suppose. In a serious way, nothing from the animes.

"Would you tell them about Terezi..." Oooh, does he suddenly get an idea, thinking of Terezi? Can't say I think they can do anything to contact her from inside here. Hmm, but earlier, Blaperile thought about what the B2 kids could do with the juju chest, whether they might try to get the others out. That's assuming Caliborn didn't captchalogue the thing, though. Still, it would be something if they could defy what's been foretold and unload the house early, maybe load it with a real surprise for LE.

"For some reason her name feels like nails in your heart. Makes sense, you guess, cause there’s a lot of sharp letters in it. She had sharp teeth too, and sharp elbows. Sharp words." Ahhhh, so we get to see what black romance feels like to John. Looking pretty sharp, apparently. Still, her sharp intellect could've come in handy here. It's a good thing chances are good they'll meet again, I'm sure post-victory Terezi has an important role to play yet.

"Terezi Pyrope was a sharp girl, and maybe what these sharp feelings are trying to tell you is you miss her more than you realized." Well, John has already acknowledged his feelings about Roxy, guess it's time for the other side of the two-headed coin now.

"She wouldn’t have let you neglect relationships with certain friends for so long that you missed whole chapters of their lives. She wouldn’t have put up with you moping around with the salamanders for so long. She would have kicked your ass for being such a loser about everything. She would have poked you in the forehead and called you insufferably lame and told you to pick up the damn phone. You would have called her a weirdo and pretended you hated it, and maybe you would even have believed you hated it. But now, sitting here in this little white cubicle, contemplating your regrets, you don’t think you’d have hated it much at all.

Would you tell the teens that?" Oooh. Very good point, actually. Even if John really only knows that version of Terezi from talking to her on two separate days separate by three years, she had a real impact on him. Granted, they also kept contact on WhatsApp as well in Universe C, but during the session was when their interactions bloomed. It'd probably be a stretch for Meat to end with John retconning the post-victory timeline to include Terezi on Earth, with him, right? After they defeat Lord English first, of course. Oh, right, she was there for two years before leaving... somehow. I kind of forgot. Still, five years would've made a difference in where John ended up by the start of the epilogues.

"JOHN: am i... depressed??" ... Well. Well, as far as growing self-awareness goes, this might be a very big development! Yes, it does seem that John has become listless on Earth C. Mostly it seemed to have to do with the absence of his Dad. But maybe he'll have other ideas about that, like his misfortune in matters romantic.

"as it turns out, you are really fucking depressed. You’re just a giant, wet meat sack of self-involved misery, and all that big, wet, meaty ooze drips out your mouth every time you open it. All the time and space in the world isn’t making it better. It’s something you should have been doing for yourself, instead of waiting around for things to get better." Wow, John. I suppose things will get a little harder for him, now that he's realized this about himself, but I hope he'll find a way soon out of this mess. And so, that's what he's been doing on Earth C, just waiting for things to get better. And no-one picked up on it, not even the other people close to him that bordered on depression before? Like Jade? He really alienated himself...

"Well, screw waiting! It’s boring as hell! You are JOHN EGBERT, after all, immortal CREATOR OF WORLDS, the one and only man ever to completely transcend the partitions of CANON ITSELF. You’ve got these powers, remember?" Well THAT's a sudden surge of RESOLVE if I've ever seen one!

"You hold up your hands and form a rectangle with your fingers and reach outside yourself, outside canon, to the place your retcon powers come from. You focus. You strain. You contemplate with all your might a place you can zap to, any place but here." There's no place like home, there's no place like home! :p Kind of wondering if he'll succeed though. He might be cut off from his powers. But if not, canon is his oyster.

"You wait. And wait. And wait and...

Nothing happens.

You slump back down against the wall" Welp! He tried.

"JOHN: THE ONLY WAY OUT OF HERE... JOHN: IS FOR US TO WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO LET US OUT. JOHN: SORRY GUYS. ROSE: OH." Anyone up for a game of "I see I see what you can't see"?

"JOHN: ALSO... JOHN: I THINK I MIGHT HAVE DEPRESSION?" Well, at least they won't have a lack of stuff to be talking, sorry, yelling about. Rose might be partially delighted to pick at the brains of an adult John, in fact.

#homestuck #upd8 #homestuck epilogues #homestuck liveblog #reaction #spoiler alert #john egbert

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jessieleaf · 7 years ago

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Right Kiddies, the De Rolo interaction continued

Here is the thing real quick about the people in the party going forward

Val was kidnapped at 7 and has a scar in her hand where the kidnapper stabbed it when she got annoying. She and her 3 Aasimar Brothers were also targeted when she was 12 by three necromancers. She made a pact with the Raven Queen in that moment to stall them long enough for help to arrive. Now Val is on a mission to serve her patron, become a hero, and return to teach her brothers to do the same. Except she is 16 and is in way over her head and has a lot of growing left to do.

Calladyne is a half elf bard who looks fab and sings like Beyoncé, but spent her life in a bad Fey court and has just returned from the Feywild and it’s only been, like, 3 months since she was technically born. Gal is 20

Dixie is a revenant out to kill the dragon that killed her home and family.

Aavar was tricked into wearing cursed armor that had a good ac, but the dude who gave it to her could make her do whatever he wanted her to do (and he was a dick) and she couldn’t take it off. He died and we recently got her armor off , which was a big in game victory.

Veir really likes guns. He thinks Dwarves should use guns as their main form of weaponry. He is butt-hurt that Percy doesn’t agree.

The player who controls Dixie had to leave early, so we were without a tank who...actually can’t really die. It was bad.

We find out that multiple people took the baby. We track some footprints back into Whitestone and to a warehouse. I break our stealth with a nat 1 and try to remedy it by going in first. 4 Rogues with sneak attack = pincushion Val.

We fight them off and eventually tie up two and interrogate the gal behind the whole thing, who happens to be the lady we met at dinner on the council who is in charge of the business and economy in Whitestone. She is Myriad. They handed the baby off to cultists.

We head back out again after some...intense interrogations. Percy pulls our Gunslinger aside to interrogate the woman and he nearly pulls an No Mercy Percy, smoke and all. It’s just a test tho to see if Veir was a good person or something and Veir is left along to interrogate this gal. Something awoke inside that dude because hell man, we was not very kind to that woman.

Percy gives Veir Animus as a loaner so he can better kill the f-ers that took the youngest De Rolo.

We head out, find an old hideout at the end of the tracks we are following in the woods, and make it through the hallway of spinning blades and smashing pillars set up as a death trap. Fun thing about that was if we got to the end, a rune on the door caused a fear effect and you ran back into the death trap.

We find the cultist and her crew with the baby. It’s a tough battle. Calladyne our Bard goes down a lot, and Aavar our arcane archer ends up getting hit by a spell that makes her see her worst fear. It wasn’t pleasant. Eventually the cultist lady takes a knife to the baby’s throat and Val is freaking out. She doesn’t know how healthy this woman is or if she will kill the baby as soon as anyone attacks. She risks it and gets the HDYWTDT with eldritch blast.

I catch the baby, Veir finishes off the remaining foe, and we questions her and her companions using my Tome ability my class provides (I can ask the dead 1 question). They were gonna use the baby for fuel apparently. We find that they are cultists if the Chained Oblivion, and a letter on the lady says

“We found another in Whitestone. Have it delivered to the Whithered.” Signed Thola.

Both names are from Val’s backstory. Both were two of the three necromancers that attempted to kidnap her.

So I’m cradling baby Vax, who has snuggled into my shoulder, staring in shock at this letter.

We end by returning baby Vax to a very grateful mother and father.

NEXT SESSION!

We all meet the next morning to De Breif the De Rolos (that is legit the session title. My DM was pretty proud)

Val basically info dumps her backstory to convey how dangerous the people are who took baby Vax. She gets really upset during this too and Vex reaches out to put her hand in mine and Val lets her know that she will do everything in her power to protect Vax from the necromancers. She accepts Val’s vow but says that they’ve got it handled for now and gives me the classic Vex smirk.

Also, turns out Baby Vax just has black wings that appeared recently, so Val is now for sure certain the RQ blessed them with the child instead of any other God.

So the De Rolos decide to help and Percy gets really excited. Like super excited.

Also Aavar snoops around for info in the evil council members house after being told not to and took a bunch of papers. Don’t know if she kept them or left them for the De Rolos but she and the councilwoman had relations through the Myriad, as Aavar was forced to work with them.

The next morning we are awoken by Percy, who is practically vibrating with excitement. He has a speedy way for getting us to Lyrengorn.

He made himself an airship.

Dude let us take it out on its maiden voyage.

The ship is pretty small, but the cabin is bigger in the inside and is heated. Dude just...got everything he wanted.

So we sail off to Bigby’s tower! With the eldest De Rolo kid Shaun as our captain.

Speed round

We discover that Dixie is basically Deadpool after she fails with a Nat one to climb down a rope in Lyrengorn. She has, in canon, a Canadian accent, duel wields swords, and reassembles herself like something out of a horror movie, with shit just snapping into place.

We find the tower and it’s like...super Trippy. Each door leads to another room, every step takes you to a different place with different gravity, one door took us to a giant mimic in a giant glass container that imitated sand. That was fun.

Also the steam Gollum we faced did 65 max damage in a round to level 6 players. That was stressful.

We finally find the study and the artifact we came to recover called Cepheus, the shroud of tears.

Funny thing is though, our dm made these items before we even sent our characters in and I just so happened to be a Raven Queen fangirl. He tells us that the list of coincidences and parallel story beats we somehow miraculously stumbled upon in our party is absolutely mind boggling.

Here is the item made the THE RAVEN QUEEN HERSELF BEFORE SHE ASCENDED.

Val takes the item in her hand and immediately feels a rush of power. She channels the energy apprehensively into her focus and suddenty sees the Raven Queen’s face. “Put it on.”

Val: “Yep ok im putting it on”

Val’s wings extend 15 ft in either direction, a cape made of shadow extends out from the clasp, and her hair goes all Eris from Sinbad.

So I got wings all the time now y’all (but just for the aesthetics, I still can’t fly unless I use my racial feat or turn into a raven)

We read Bigby’s journal and other artifacts we are looking for get mentioned. One of them is a bow (great for Aavar) that was lost in Pandamonium. Aavar makes a comment “I’m not gonna go carrying around a magical weapon that I’m going to get hunted for.”

I surprised myself with a very out of line quip from Val “I mean, you wore that armor and everything was fine” (implying that no one hunted her for that particular powerful magical item)

Everyone reacts shocked and very disturbed by the comment. Aavar walks away, stunned at the comment.

Never had Val been so powerful yet felt so powerless.

I love this game. I can’t wait for more drama. We all have plans for how to deal with that bombshell and are practically vibrating like Percy. We ended after exiting the tower. Things are gonna be real interesting as we travel to Vassilhiem. I’m so excited you guys.

If this was enjoyable for you, go ahead and let me know in the comments and I’ll set up an official tumblr where we will keep you updated about our travels through Tal’dorei.

#val ganderstim #critical role #dungeons & dragons #dungeons and dragons #critter pcs #percival fredrickstein von musel klossowski de rolo iii #vex’ahlia #my art #long post

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gulescamisade · 8 years ago

Text

MN, Ground: Day 22, Concert Broadcast

DIRK: -tonight is the night of the concert... but he's been stuck in bed, having run out of mindless tasks to occupy himself with. somebody can probably roll him to the living room later... for now, he turns the pendant around between his fingers over and over while staring up at the ceiling.-

RUFIOH: -large wing swoops by the window. Somebody's taking a flight outside, it looks like.-

KANKRI: -Is he leaving forever?-

DIRK: -stares out the window then. look at him go.-

RUFIOH: -lands in some tree and kicks back. Casually lighting himself some nip... before raising it to acknowledge that he DOES see Dirk.-

DIRK: .... -looks back up at the ceiling for a second, then crawls out of bed to open up the window and peep at rufioh-

DIRK: Hey.

RUFIOH: -takes his time with the hit before breathing out.- sup, man... long t1me, no see.

DIRK: No joke. I was expecting it to be longer.

DIRK: How did you even get here?

RUFIOH: mm.

RUFIOH: 1t's got to do w1th mak1ng we1rd acqua1ntances on avalon... and some portal hopp1ng? that sh1t was pretty scary...

RUFIOH: but next th1ng 1 knew, 1 was on the sh1p. and then breach1ng the atmosphere on one of those... emergency pods...

RUFIOH: flew the rest of the way. fast, h1gh, qu1et to myself so nobody saw me.

RUFIOH: met up w1th the folks 1n earth canada... now 1'm here.

DIRK: -raises brows- Damn. You've had one hell of a journey.

DIRK: It's good to see you again. Just a shame it has to be under these conditions. -leans a little heavily on the window frame-

RUFIOH: yeah... -eyeballs him a lil, flicking the cig.- some scar that's gonna be.

DIRK: -grunts- Pretty cool, huh? -barely even trying to sound like he believes that-

RUFIOH: looks pa1nful. -rises to stand on the branch again.- wanna hang?

DIRK: -pauses for a second. he wasn't really expecting to be asked that.- Uh... -but he wants to lay in bed all day???-

DIRK: Yeah. Sure.

RUFIOH: -gestures for him to follow and then flaps all the way up to the lake house roof. Bird perch.-

ARADIA: -standing in the doorway of the room dirk is in. like a normal person does for long periods of time-

DIRK: -he definitely doesn't have the energy to scale the house right now.... THOUGH HE IS FULLY CAPABLE... anyway, he turns so he can make his way to the stairs that lead to the roof's terrace, only to see aradia.-

DIRK: -JUMPS- Shit-- How long have you been standing there?

ARADIA: a while

DIRK: -makes a face-

DIRK: Well, I'm heading up to the roof to hang out with Rufioh. You wanna join? -starts shuffling around her-

ARADIA: -lets him shuffle around her without moving out of the way before turning to follow him- okay

DIRK: -geez, aradia... well, there he goes, ascending to the floor and looking around for rufioh-

RUFIOH: -just sitting up there, cross-legged and having himself a smoke. It just so happens that it's also been a while since Rufioh saw Aradia around. He eyes her, surprised but also not surprised to see her.- sup meg1do.... been a wh1le.

ARADIA: -follows behind dirk and smiles at rufioh, waving- ill say

ARADIA: its about time you got here :D

RUFIOH: 1 was tak1ng 1t easy, 1 guess... but not too easy. -Join him. Sit with him.- 1 have a wr1ggler.

TAVROS & GAMZEE: =They are a ways from the safehouse people are in, in apparent conversation. Tavros' shoulders are slouched, head turned away from the other troll while they talk. Gamzee stands taller, and is using his hands while he speaks. Sometimes Tavros looks back at him, at the hands, fidgets, and looks away. Gamzee's body language seemingly growing more frustrated, hands waving a bit in the air while struggling on what to say. Then placing a finger to his own temple. It makes Tavros look back at him, and they both stand still. More fidgeting from Tavros, and he rubs the back of his neck. Whatever they are talking about don't seem particularly comfortable for either party.=

RUFIOH: -peeks from the roof... concerned.- }:(

DIRK: -glances over at them as well, brows furrowed, but takes a seat with rufioh for now.- You do?

ARADIA: -she plops down next to rufioh- tell me everything

RUFIOH: oh yeah... he's th1s egg 1 found when a y1pbeast tr1ed gett1ng away w1th 1t for lunch... 1 guess from the hatch1ng caverns on avalon.

RUFIOH: d1dn't know what else to do w1th h1m except... keep h1m unt1l he hatched? 1 d1dn't th1nk he would anyway.

RUFIOH: now he's just k1nd of... eat1ng everyth1ng 1n s1ght, haha.

RUFIOH: h1s name 1s em1let... l1l egg bro. }:)

ARADIA: thats great! where is he now

ARADIA: on the ship?

TAVROS & GAMZEE: =Tavros' mouth is moving, and whatever he is saying is making Gamzee's hands drag down his face. Drags, then a rub, and he shakes his head. He waves his hands around again, and Tavros' shoulders grow tense. The bull troll makes a vauge handgesture to all of Gamzee, then inclines his head to the side before shaking it. A brief laughter, uncomfortable and uncertain. Gamzee lets out a frustrated noise followed by a loud "ain't you a fucking doctor or no?" that sounds both angry and confused. He's turning away and motions to move, but Tavros grabs his shoulder before he can. There's silence again, then Tavros speaking with his head ducked. Gamzee still appears stressed, hands in tight fists, but then easing.=

RUFIOH: yeah, he's... safe. -eyes this conversation with more concern.- }:((

ARADIA: -also watches in front of them. that looks about right- im glad you could join us

DIRK: ...

DIRK: -glances at rufioh- Do you know what's up with all that? -gestures to tavros and gamzee talking-

RUFIOH: -looks off, avoiding his eye. Dragging the cig more.- not sure...

TAVROS & GAMZEE: =They're standing close, Tavros doing most of the talking by the looks of it. No doubt rambling by the way his mouth moves. The hand holding Gamzee's shoulder is gradually tightening until Gamzee has placed his on top of it, gently prying it off. He pats it, and Tavros withdraws his hand. Gamzee watches him while Tavros avoids his eye, looking down and shrugging. The capricorn rubs one eye with his palm as they both continue to stand there in silence, then reaches out to unfittingly give Tavros a playful shove to the shoulder. It makes Tavros take a step back, surprised, but he's looking up again. Gamzee says something, Tavros lets out a faint laugh, but at least it has a twinge of humor to it even if it's half hearted. He says something back, taking a step to return the shove, then the two of them walk further away from the house together.=

MEULIN: -She's watching this herself from inside, tail swishing contemplatively. She should talk to Gamzee later...-

ARADIA: -it's always a relief to be completely sure that they're in the right place, and even little things like this are enough evidence. she watches them walk off, her wings fluttering while she sits- guessing in order to fill in the blanks sometimes feels better than just not knowing

ARADIA: but it can also be completely wrong and steer you away from your original purpose -aradia tf you talking about-

DIRK: -watches them walk away, relieved they seem to have worked out whatever was going on with them, before looking at aradia.- ...

DIRK: I see.

RUFIOH: -side eyes her before frowning.- ...

RUFIOH: 1'd rather not... be left to f1ll the gaps. but that's just me.

ARADIA: i think most people feel that way

DIRK: -goes quiet after that. unfortunately, he's got too many unfilled blanks in his thoughts right now, and his mind can't help but guess. he just wishes it did make him feel better.-

RUFIOH: -passes dirk the blunt. He feels him thinking.-

DIRK: -hey, maybe that will make him feel better.- Thanks.

DIRK: -accepts it and takes a hit, staring off at the landscape.-

ARADIA: theres something about earth that feels worth saving

ARADIA: and i dont know what makes the distinction

DIRK: -stares at her- Was that ever a question?

ARADIA: -shakes her head- ARADIA: i mean that theres something

ARADIA: special about it

ROSE: -She's down in the lower floor, having set up some kind of large whiteboard with some dry-erase markers. Some kind of chart, at a glance, though no one's going to see the details til later, when they come back down.-

RUFIOH: what k1nd of spec1al? 1 mean... -brings his knees up to rest his chin on.-

RUFIOH: 1f you're go1ng out of your way to ment1on 1t... the spec1alness.

RUFIOH: compared to every other place people have tr1ed sav1ng.

ARADIA: thats what im wondering

ARADIA: it seems to have something the other planets dont

ARADIA: given the extent of the conquest

RUFIOH: not sure 1f that makes me feel better... -sighs-

ARADIA: -looks over at rufioh- doesnt have to

ARADIA: i just notice it you know?

RUFIOH: yeah... 1 know.

ARADIA: -softens her expression and just lightly touches his arm, silent.-

RUFIOH: -rumble rumble chirrs. A comforting sound.-

DIRK: -he has some ideas, but he already feels like enough of a downer, so he just glances off, exhaling smoke.-

ARADIA: -chirrs softly in response, only momentarily, hand still on his arm. sadness. pain. it's all inevitable at one point or another. but she will gladly sit with both of them for as long as they feel alone. now, she watches dirk-

DIRK: -the gaze seems to pressure him to speak and he huffs, passing the blunt back to rufioh.-

DIRK: I don't think special is the right word to describe Earth's role in all this.

DIRK: It implies there's some big cosmic scheme, putting this planet at the center of some kind of turning point in this war.

DIRK: But here's what makes it different from Beforus and Europa -- The Condesce already had control of it.

DIRK: Both of those planets were once a part of the Empire, or founded by former Alternians. Which means they seperated from the Condesce's regime, and at no point was she able to dig her claws into their government.

DIRK: She destroyed them to teach them a lesson. That they should've taken her side a long time ago.

DIRK: -sighs- Earth and humankind thought they had the upperhand after the War of Alternian Repression, but I wouldn't be fucking surprised if the empress "disappearing" was all just a ploy for her to give them a false sense of security, lure them into forming T.U.M.U.T. and then using her connections to Skaianet and Crocker Corp. to hallow Earth out from the inside while fucking up as much of the galaxy as possible through stooges like us who actually believed we were repairing the damages she had done.

ARADIA: youve thought this over a lot

ARADIA: youre doubting yourself again

DIRK: Doubting what? Those are just the facts. -seems irritated now...-

ARADIA: through stooges like us who actually believed we were repairing the damages she had done

ARADIA: what you said was full of facts and truth but thats what im talking about

MEULIN: -She's leaning out the window below them, just reading what's on her glasses. She doesn't want to climb up and interrupt... but listening is something she can do. Maybe it's mostly all she ever does. It's hard to have the power to help. Maybe that's what Dirk means, too.-

MEULIN: -She leans on the sill and sighs. She keeps telling herself that it doesn't matter how she feels, that she's here for everyone regardless... but being here isn't enough, either, and maybe it does matter how she feels. It matters enough to get in the way, after all.-

DIRK: I hate to break it to you, but that's as factual as anything else I said.

DIRK: We were used and we've been floundering to get back on our feet since then. Even with all this divine fucking intervention, we're as useless as we ever were. I shouldn't have believed there was any point in fighting.

DIRK: -he immediately regrets the words coming out of his mouth, if only because he doesn't want anyone to know he's thinking these things. he definitely doesn't want anyone to feel that way, too, so he gets up quickly so he can make his way back into the house.-

DIRK: ... Forget I said that.

ARADIA: -she's still trying to do her job, trying to keep them on track, but something in what he says stirs something that makes her eyes water even though she doesn't look sad in the slightest-

RUFIOH: -looks between Dirk and Aradia... not saying anything. He's not especially good at these things in the moment. Hell. He's notorious for making bad decisions on the subject if left to his own devices.-

RUFIOH: -but he does hold Aradia's hand. Just wordless about it.-

---

DIRK: -there he goes, DESCENDING THE STAIRS. he's upset, but instead of retreating back to his room, he paces through the house until he happens upon rose's white board.-

ROSE: -She seems to be sorting out members of the crew based on injury and ability...-

ROSE: -maybe not necessarily the BEST source of inspiration for a cause here-

ARADIA: -it's confusing sometimes, when she thinks she's entirely positive and certain of the route they take only to be reminded of all of the bad routes, the wrong ones. it's hard to remember. it's hard to cycle between feeling numb to it and not numb at all. she's not sure what part is making her feel to this extent, but her fingers intertwine with rufioh's and she tries to ground herself by focusing on the physical connection.-

RUFIOH: -He breathes out. Not knowing what's on her mind exactly... but hoping that even for a minute, reality will make sense if he just holds her hand. As they sit quietly, a breeze comes to ruffle their hair. It's nice.-

DIRK: -just kinda hovers there, reading over everything she has written down. he's awfully overwhelmed, but hey, he's here so he should get involved in the planning probably.-

SOLLUX: -He's inside, in a room on his own. Right now, it's where he wants to be. He doesn't think he can handle the thoughts and feelings of anyone else right now.-

JOEY: =she's downstairs with a mug of coffee in hand and slouching lazily in a chair near the whiteboard as she reads it over, ankles crossed.=

ROSE: -She glances at Dirk as he arrives.-

ROSE: Hello.

ROSE: I didn't want to sit around too long.

ROSE: I'm growing restless.

ROSE: I think this might be useful.

ROSE: At least. I know not everyone is in a strong enough condition to fight, when it comes down to it.

[[Out of nowhere, a wrapped sandwich hurtles from the minifridge and slaps Sollux on the side of his head. A water bottle also falls from the counter, rolling across the floor until it came to a stop at his foot.]]

ROSE: -She pays the sandwich NO MIND.- ROSE: Most of the crew presently stranded in Alaska-- though I believe they're on the move-- we are going to want to keep away from the action.

ROSE: We lost two up there. They've faced the harshest conditions out of anyone.

ARADIA: -it would be pretty difficult for anyone to guess what's on her mind--it's so complex and vast and endless--but rufioh's right in thinking that any sort of physical sensation is making everything feel that much more real. the breeze does. the sound of his breath. the way her palm feels pressed up against his. tension she didn't know was there in the first place starts to ease-

DIRK: -nods slowly- Right.

ROSE: -TAPS HER WAND AGAINST THE BOARD.-

ROSE: We can probably look them over individually when they arrive, and I'm certain Dave is going to want to be involved, but we are going to have to hedge our bets.

RUFIOH: -It's as easy as breathing out. When he catches her eye again, he manages a lopsided smile.-

RUFIOH: -ruffles her hair with his hand now.- heh.

ROSE: -She takes a deep breath..-

ROSE: My implants burned out and I'm not going to be able to do much of anything with my abilities in a fight. Everyone else here in our group is in decent enough health, though.

ROSE: Physically speaking.

ARADIA: -she gently laughs and uses her free hand to wipe away the tears on her cheeks- sorry ARADIA: not sure what happened there

RUFIOH: someth1ng crazy... but uh...

RUFIOH: 1mportant, 1 th1nk. 1t's 1mportant to talk about th1s sh1t... even 1f 1t's bad.

RUFIOH: to try... and a1r 1t out so 1t doesn't st1nk up your th1nkpan.

DIRK: -rolls his shoulders and finds a chair to pull over, taking a seat next to joey.- In case I forgot to mention, we're kinda holding an officer of the Alternian army hostage here.

DIRK: Her name is Lucana. She might be able to help us with infiltration or... something.

ROSE: Good to know.

ROSE: For what it's worth, of course. She's probably not anyone important—

ROSE: -pauses to glance at him.-

ROSE: At least, no one they'd hesitate killing alongside the rest of us if given the opportunity.

ROSE: -She sighs again, going back to the board.-

ROSE: Our two other assumptions are that we're going to have to work a goal within a timeframe.

ROSE: Freeing Jane and Jade. Orchestrating a prison break. If there's time, destroying the entire facility, but that's in the ideal scenario where we're all able-bodied and unobstructed by an army of drones and soldiers.

ARADIA: you think so? ARADIA: even when people wont understand?

ROSE: -She's starting to pace now, a little bit.-

ROSE: They don't know you have her, so... maybe you can use her clearance to get inside and find information.

ROSE: And the rest of us can... fuck, I don't know. Hold out. Until Hal can get the ship back to us, or... something.

DIRK: Sounds solid to me. -its ok, rose, his leg is bouncing and he's wondering why he bothered to sit down.-

JOEY: =Wordlessly turns her cup around and offers it to Dirk.=

ROSE: -nods a little bit...-

ROSE: I, um.

ROSE: Feel like I may be obligated to tell you that Jane offered...

ROSE: ...

ROSE: For me to join her. ROSE: It may be exploitable, tactically. ROSE: At least for the sake of isolating her from the facility.

DIRK: -takes the cup, perfectly timed to sip it at rose with raised brows-

DIRK: She contacted you specifically with an offer to join her?

ROSE: Yes.

JOEY: you didn't decline outright, did you? =tilts her head towards dirk= he's right, we could use something like this, but how do we know that they won't do the same funky headspace thing that happened to jane and jade. =she waved a hand around her head=

JOEY: jane wasnt ever like that in the time that i knew her. they did something to her that made her do all those things, i know it.

ROSE: Yes, I...

ROSE: Suppose.

ROSE: And the answer being, we don't really know that.

ROSE: It's a calculated risk. If they could have done it to more than just her and Jade, then why wouldn't they have?

JOEY: well not everyone is an heiress or has zappy powers

ROSE: Of course not. But there's got to be more to it than that. ROSE: They captured Jake and Roxy, but the two seem to be under their own power. If they're going to use them, why not use them?

ROSE: Unless they can't.

JUDE: -creeps up on this conversation- I can't say for certain about jade

JUDE: but jane? she's always carrying around crocker corp tech... I kept TELLING her to throw it away but of course she didn't

JUDE: -points to his head- the tiara top, specifically... I'm sure it's a mind control device that they could hack into directly and control her

JUDE: who's to say they haven't done that with their prisoners by this point? I'm not sure why they captured them but maybe they're using them for something we just don't know about... something they're doing privately at the facility while jade and jane do the dirty work...

ROSE: Well.

ROSE: I wouldn't doubt that.

ROSE: Even if it's somewhat of a stretch to think that everyone is entirely enthralled.

DIRK: -grunts- She's probably usin' them for their abilities. Roxy can make shit outta nothingness. Jake can pretty much manipulate anything so long as he believes it's true.

DIRK: I figure she just doesn't need the rest of us. That's what makes Jane's proposal so strange to me.

DIRK: It might suggest she still has her own agency despite the mind control, if she wants to recruit folks from our crew. It must not have been in the empress' plan.

SOLLUX: -belated but WTF SANDWICH AND WATER OUTTA NOWHERE.-

SOLLUX: -his head jerks up almost immediately as it plaps him- g0d damn it t—

SOLLUX: ...

ROSE: ...

ROSE: Well, uh.

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: I think that was definitely a part of it.

JOEY: =just...absorbs all of this before mumbling to herself= (how did my original timeline turn into one with teenage mutant ninja turtles?)

DIRK: - ... 👁️ 👁️-

ROSE: -stop....-

DIRK: -SIPS MORE- Cool.

DIRK: So we get Rose to seduce Jane.

MEULIN: -peeks in at this- OH???

MEULIN: 👁️ 👁️

ROSE: -NO-

ROSE: That.

ROSE: Really won't be necessary.

ROSE: I'm just going to take her up on her offer.

ROSE: And she'll know that something is up, because of a familiarity with me.

ROSE: ...

ROSE: And on account of that, I already know that she knows.

ROSE: Which gives me an advantage.

JOEY: =snickers=

ROSE: And. Is not seduction.

RUFIOH: -also peeking from a window to gaze.- 👁️ 👁️

JOEY: if you decide to go undercover, you might have to do things undercover

JOEY: you know

JOEY: to prove youre one of them

JOEY: =takes her coffee from dirk to sip it before handing it back to him=

ROSE: I think this was the exact reason I didn't want to share this potentially significant information in the first place.

ROSE: No.

DIRK: -😏-

JOEY: no ones gonna judge you, if you were worried

MEULIN: -while they keep talking, she's sniffing around the room... and then lifts open the window if it's not already open-

JOEY: ;)

ROSE: Oh mygod.

MEULIN: -HUP. She jumps out of the window. She's gone.-

ROSE: -looks out the window-

ROSE: -...why.......-

RUFIOH: -Meu why.-

MEULIN: -DONT WORRY. She's just heading for the lake!!-

JOEY: =she looked up from her device and crossed the room, turning on the TV. Glancing down at her phone once more, she flipped to the channel shown. It appears to be a concert.=

DIRK: -YES IT'S TIME-

DIRK: -he was waiting for this-

TYRENA: -She's been scarce for most of the time they've been here... except now, with the TV on. She's still laying flat on the ground but she's listening closely.-

DIRK: -WATCHING TAKODA LIFTED HIS SPIRITS A LITTLE... that and teasing rose earlier. but hey.-

JOLENE: -SQUINTS AT THIS CLOWN ON THE TV-

SUMMONER: =He's out and about somewhere, doing god's knows what, but he has a feeling his kismesis is doing something that makes him feel human homosexual down in his soul. Clenches fist mid flight.=

JOEY: =holy shit who is that cute little carapacian?=

DIRK: - 👀 -

DIRK: -it's snans undertale-

DIRK: ...

DIRK: Holy shit.

DIRK: -BAFFLED BY THE MAYOR'S VOICE???-

JOEY: =Actually jumps in her seat when the VOICE happens.=

DIRK: -smiles softly at qirin with her drum... gosh-

SOLLUX: -just listening to this in the bg-

TYRENA: -still on the floor like a mummy, but she appreciates this. quietly.-

JUDE: -lurks when he hears penny's voice on the tv... wowee, there she is. he's a little starry eyed.-

DIRK: -watching this is getting him so hype??? it's nice to have something positive between the anxiety and the numbness whoo boy-

DIRK: -dammit... his parents are cute...-

DIRK: -somewhere out there, he knows dave is crying. haha wimp.-

DIRK: -wait fuck he's crying too-

JOEY: =sliiiiiiiiides over a tissue box=

DIRK: -ffffffff.... takes the whole tissue box. but he's trying to hold it in. ffs.-

DIRK: -he's getting chills... yes, this is exactly what he needed to lift his spirits. but it's getting late... he should probably rest if he wants to be useful at all... but he's so hype.-

EQUIUS: -There's the sound of gentle, but heavy, steps-

EQUIUS: D --> I heard a ruckus. Is everything okay -His veins are deep blue, clearly from the poison, however, he is looking better.-

JOEY: you're looking lively

JOEY: your crewmates have blatantly challenged aych eye see

JOEY: it was glorious

EQUIUS: D --> Dirk, who the heck is this tiny human

JOEY: excuse me, i'm above average height for human women

JOEY: you're just abnormally tall

DIRK: -looks back at equius- This is Joey Claire.

JOEY: :)

EQUIUS: D --> One of the human refugees we were transported for

DIRK: -nods- That's right.

EQUIUS: D --> Okay. I surmise we are in Minnesota now, I seem to remember hearing that

JOEY: yup! it's a state.

#technetronicTactician #aerugotourBillon #circuitousgrievance #adiosTauromachy #temulentcachinnation #ardentcupid #tenebrousThorns #artifactualAnnihilation #twofoldacrimony #gyratingeonian #euphobicgeotech #sybillineAutonomy #guardeniaGadgeteer #caballineTrottage

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smalltragedy · 4 years ago

Text

looks away as i finally post his intro after being kinda awol fr however long. i love him a lot n hes also bri’s character mercy’s younger brother so u hv to be nice to him. think abt mercy’s life. then think abt ducky. im sry in advance tht his intro’s a little longer ive hd ducky fr like. a year or two n i’ve been playing him a While <3 as always like this if u’d like 2 plot n i’ll try 2 msg u bck bt otherwise im gna just hop right into threads bc obv i need to. change my methods.

ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.

mini playlist.

statistics.

full name: donovan mercer.

nickname(s): ducky.

birthday: march 15th, 1999.

zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: intp & theorist / phlegmatic.

label: the despondent.

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.

sexuality: bisexual (bt not out).

pinterest.

biography.

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse.

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

personality & facts.

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

wanted plots.

#abuse tw #violence tw #drug abuse tw #gangs mention #eye injury tw #irvingintro #( ducky mercer. ) about. / ice boy.#sighs sm #also sry fr hw embarrasingly late this is #did i even spell tht rigth? no #did i spell tht one right? bno.#fuck.

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