#im not actually down for murder but i am so fucking sick of this bullshit

[what-did-i-get-myself-into-blog]

currently drinking tea and eating a bowl of tortilla chips to avoid committing murder after already 1. slapping myself to try to flush out the thoughts 2. Journaling 3. listening to music on headphones and 4. hitting the punching bag and accidentally making the loudest fucking sound because something on top of the bag fell off and hit parts of the half-built gazebo in the backyard (which I now suspect was a bluetooth speaker belonging to the bastard I want out of the house anyway)

Anyway I think the tea and chips are helping but holy fuck I'd love to not get news that I heard last month and still don't believe right before I sleep

I will crash in a few hours and probably forget

[oliviawebsite]

as a communist who actually does work in my community i'm interested to hear why you think not voting in an effective manner against project 2025 is a logical and helpful course of action.

i doubt you asked this in good faith but ill entertain you just this once

1) i live in california. biden will win this state easily. my vote LITERALLY does not matter.

2) to say im "not voting against project 2025" is disingenuous as all hell. im obviously opposed to that platform and i intend to vote down-ballot for candidates who would oppose its measures in congress. also joe biden has done NOTHING to protect trans people. look at how his admin has recently dropped all support for youth trans healthcare. he is not fucking helping us. honestly not a fan of the way you worded this its deeply condescending.

3) i intend to cast a vote for a candidate who will not use our military force and imperalist wealth to exploit and murder people all over the world. i am opposed to united states imperialism before anything else and believe this country needs to stay out of everyones business. im sick of seeing our "leaders" excuse the ceaseless murder of palestinians with a smile on their face. as a "communist" this should be your main driving force as well anon, tbh. as long as democrats run imperalist candidates i will not vote for them

4) if biden somehow manages to win this year, the dems are still famous for their concessions to the right. what makes you think he wouldnt sign half of proect 2025's policies into law for the sake of "reaching across the aisle" or some bullshit. plenty of dems have given up on protecting trans right because its a "bad look" and they are the party of spineless cowards setting that aside the right just regroups and makes project 2029, 2033 and so on. to blame individuals for "not voting effectively" (are you sure youre actually a commie anon lmao) is missing the forest for the trees. fascism is already entrenched in every aspect of american politics. this is a cultural sickness enabled by a system that allows hatred-as-politics to thrive. its the fault of the monsters who want to do this in the first place not some internet tranny in a blue state who wants to at least try and vote my true conscious.

there is no moral justification to vote for biden. to blame me and people like me for project 2025 is honestly disgusting. you should be ashamed of yourself and never send me or anyone else an ask like this again. if you are really a "communist" sit down and think about what you are REALLY supporting when you chastise people for not wanting to vote for EITHER of the Senile Genociders being presented by the 2 party partnership. see ya

[spacedlexi]

Wait, people think Carver is the best TWDG villain?? I always thought he was basic as hell, and the fact that he was beefing with an 11-years old girl... Now Stranger on the other hand was great, he was super intimidating and off-putting and I was genuinely so scared he would hurt Clementine. I also liked Minnie for the same reasons (she was so creepy/off-putting), but I still think Stranger is the best villain bc he had a great setup while Minnie was kind of a secondary villain. But going back to Lilly/Carver, I also definitely prefer Lilly over Carver even though neither are my favorite... And now I'm kind of curious how you would rank the rest of the TWDG villains? 🤔

carver being the best villain is a sentiment ive heard for years 😭 im sure its coming from the "S2 is the best season" crowd tho which i also dont agree with 💀

the stranger is an effective villain. hes not exactly the typical villain type people expect. but hes very unsettling and him stalking clementine for who even knows how long through the walkie talkie is 🤢 he really makes me feel sick. she was using that talkie to deal with the loss of her parents, and this fucking creep took advantage of that so hard he was able to convince her to trust him. ugh he makes me feel so gross. and think of all the guilt clem must have about that situation. trusting this freak to help her find her parents, when if she had just stayed then lee wouldnt have gotten bit looking for her, and her parents were already dead the entire time anyway. oof. theres no way that isnt one of the biggest regrets of her life

carver is fine. i definitely think his character wouldve made more sense if they put kenny in that role instead. that way theres less "i am a grown man beefing with an 11 year old" and more "this is a child i helped look out for once, and im gonna make sure shes raised Right". but i agree that carver as he is is just over the top. overly villainous to the point of it being a little comical. like when villains are all tough like that my reaction is usually "god i WISH youd fucking kill me already so i dont have to hear your bullshit anymore do you know how GOOFY you sound??". if it was kenny in that role i definitely think they wouldve been able to tone it back a bit, and him "having a good side" wouldve been way more believable. as he is carver is kind of one note

joan.... definitely the weakest of the bunch. i dont really have much to say about her. david isnt even technically a villain but i definitely saw him as the better antagonist for the season. i mean hes definitely a villain in clems eyes. and is a constant semi-antagonist towards javi throughout the whole season. joans just kinda.. there.. doing things behind the scenes to cause conflict until the final confrontation. and then she can just disappear... okay

i like the way the antagonists work in S4. theres more of a discussion around what actually makes someone a villain and the difference between a person who fucked up and made (very horrible) mistakes, and a person who is straight up a threat. and i like that it connects back to the idea of lee and his murder of that senator. did he do something horrible? yes. did he destroy his relationship to his family? yes. does he regret what he did? i think so. and he definitely has guilt about his fucked up relationship with his wife. in S1 they mention how non-guilty people got sent to prison all the time. while lee is Definitely a murderer, we get to see over the season that hes a good guy who just wanted a family and in a moment of rage and betrayal did something he can never take back. this is why i never hated marlon. did he fuck up and do horrible things? of course. but he was a scared fucked up teen leading a group of other scared fucked up teens. he knows he fucked up, and continued fucking up to cover for his previous fuck ups lol. but he can be talked down. its a shame it ends the way it does, but i really like being able to teach aj the difference between people like marlon and people like lilly

lilly takes that kenny/carver idea and applies it to a clementine that has grown up and has been looking out for herself (and baby aj) for years now, instead of the 11 year old trying to figure shit out she was in S2. shes too old for lilly to be able to sway her in a way she couldve been more susceptible to in S2, and when lilly finally realizes this she just turns her attention to aj instead, seeing the potential in him (a potential clem does NOT want aj to live up to, wanting him to get to be a kid and not just a survivor, let alone a killer). lilly is fun because you can see in her that she WANTS clementine on her side, and throughout the season progressively realizes that its just never going to happen. both lilly AND clem come to the realization that this person they once considered family is beyond reason, their views too different, and so the fighting begins. their fight at the end of EP3 really feels like a "so its finally come to this" moment for both of them, their final fight. i always shoot her.

whats interesting about minnie is seeing her evolve from secondary antagonist in EP3 to straight up primary villain in EP4. the things shes done, the way shes been broken. she becomes her own downfall, seeing herself as someone beyond redemption. that this is just who she is now, its how things have to be. because if they didnt have to be this way? well then theres a lot more guilt she'd have to deal with. yelling at her in EP4 to just STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THIS ANYMORE but she has been changed (in her eyes) so irreparably that she cant see any other option. and she progressively sees clem as the one who fucked everything up for her, instead of accepting that it could all finally be OVER. after killing sophie, the delta was all she had left. it cant have all been for nothing. and so she blames clem for taking it all away from her, even tho clem is just trying to protect her family. the family that used to be minnies. and so in her rage she gets bit. something else that she couldve avoided. but shes just too lost to her own downward spiral, unable to be reasoned with. by that point she just wants it all to be Over. and she wants to take tenn with her so she can finally pretend things can all go back to the way they used to be. her, sophie, tenn, and their parents all together again, where no more bad things have to happen to them. shes super tragic and i love her for that. and i love how she holds this dark mirror up to clem. clem struggles to let go of her past too, and the guilt she has over the things shes done and people shes hurt. and that if she cant learn to let go and move on she could get lost to it the same way minnie did. theres a reason clem is so quick to accept her fate, but shes finally able to leave that guilt holding her to her past behind in that barn. and she returns to ericson a much happier and lighter person, so much weight finally lifted from her shoulders. its finally over for her too

so yeah. my fave villains are definitely the S4 ones due to their nuance and layers. then the stranger, then carver, then joan. if i had to put david on this list he'd probably be above carver. but thats mainly because he has more nuance than carver ever did

[maddgical-boy]

queerer things still paracosm tumblr dashboard simulator

*this is implying all of the realms exist on one singular multidimensional tumblr :)

📣 soundboy Follow

this website is so easy. all we gotta talk about is gay people and then get into superpower discourse every now and then for flavor. and penis

💀 littlekernel Follow

@ noellewithanle wtf are these tags i can never tell if you're just trolling or if you're pissing on the floor as per tumblr standards

#gay penis has a better flavor with superpower discourse on it i agree

💜 noellewithanle Follow

pissing on the FLOOR???

💀 littlekernel

im going to become a recluse again goodbye

( 739 notes )

🌌 whalfaiya-is-queen Follow

hey not to be a buzzkill but can you guys stop being so mean to that kid thea who left faiyism? his mom is also literally involved in that murder scandal at the church so i understand why he'd wanna leave. he is still a kid and you guys are saying some pretty horrible things about him. religion isn't for everyone our society is really so backwards :/

🧑🏿 antiorange Follow

the asteria ithione stuff is literally just rumors don't believe everything you read on tumblr.com

🌌 whalfaiya-is-queen

it literally isn't??? this article provides evidence for all you pointing fingers. this post was barely even about her it was about how you are all bullying a CHILD

❤️‍🔥 yyyoriaefan Follow

That article is a gossip rag but I'd expect nothing less from a Thierry supporter. He's a traitor to the church and Whalfaiya will punish him. You're acting like he's a baby but he's 17 years old, he knows what he did wrong.

#Some of you aren't even real believers for not denouncing this kid but that's a post for another day

( 9,325 notes )

⛲ watergirlisnotrepresentation Follow

GUYS WHAT THE FUCK. MY LITTLE SISTER *ALSO* HAS WATER MANIPULATION POWERS TOO. FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFEEEEE

#she literally always has to be like me IM SICK OF IT 😭

( 2 notes )

🍧 girl-of-immeamund Follow

Day 100 of being in Immeamund! Newsworthy-ish...ness

Wish there was more shit to do down here, TBH The Eye is a really boring guy. They're probably gonna beat my ass for that but I literally don't have any memories so they can't damn me to eternal pains~ uwu

Am I the only one on this site who uses it as an actual blog? LOL

( 0 notes )

thea-deactivated-2̵̧̧̛̖̺͓͉͂̇̏̐̅͋̆͒́͐̆͜͝0̸͍̝̻̠̬͈̫̉͛̌̿͝1̷̡̨̟̲͇̜͚̺͖͎̥̃͝9̵̩͉̲̯̹͙͈̟̝̹͈͚̓̽̈̀͜͜͝0̴̺̹̉͒̉̒͑͝͝2̷̨̟͎̻͖͖̩͈̩̲͓̭̺̯̦͆͐̽̉̍̈̇͑͐́̕1̸̡̡̲̼̙̘̥̤̙̹͚̥̓̓͋̇͂́̒͘8̵̧͕̹̟̓̽̏̏̒͑̓͂̕͝͝

All this reaction to me leaving that cult proves that the rest of you are brainwashed. Deactivating this blog because your bullshit is flooding my notifs and I'm done with having my phone literally crash every time I open this stupid fucking app.

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❤️‍🔥 yyyoriaefan

#We finally fucking got him boys

( 103,264 notes )

🔮 meoryst2 Follow

hot take but how many times does void mother have to lose her kids for the time king to like. take them away

🖤 voidmama Follow

ex-fucking-scuse me? last time i checked you're not a parent so you don't get to criticize my parenting techniques. i'm letting my kids grow up

🔮 meoryst2

you asked HUMAN CHILDREN to help find your primordial piss raisins i literally can't believe you

⏰ your-time-is-nearly-up Follow

for the last fucking time, I DON'T TAKE CHILDREN AWAY

#idc about your hot takes stop saying this shit about me

( 204 notes )

🧣 theaagain Follow

What's this white shit falling on the ground outside????

📣 soundboy Follow

DUDE WHERE ARE YOU

🧣 theaagain

I went to get coffee??

📣 soundboy

DID YOU LEAVE THE FUCKING STATE?? IT DOESN'T SNOW HERE

🧣 theaagain

Is that what this white stuff is?

💀 littlekernel Follow

it's that dark where you are?? thierry how did you even get there??

💜 noellewithanle Follow

thierry you gave me a fucking heart attack for COFFEE???????????????

🧣 theaagain

I WAS THIRSTY

#Humans are so judgemental #Like you fuckers don't get thirsty too #Also this is literally the same place as outside Merryday it's a chain so does it even matter??

( 14 notes )

👁️ the-eye Follow

ALL THESE RECENTLY DEAD SOULS ARE RIDICULOUSLY DAMNABLE. WHY ARE THEY ALL SO TAINTED WITH THE UNHOLY REDNESS

🍧 girl-of-immeamund Follow

Me talking about my underwear during my period

👁️ the-eye

JUST BECAUSE I KEEP YOU AROUND DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO HIJACK MY POSTS

🍧 girl-of-immeamund

I'm going to hijack all of your posts like I'm DB Cooper and you are Flight 305

🍧 girl-of-immeamund

BTW what happened to DB Cooper? ^_^

👁️ the-eye

THE MATTERS OF OTHER SOULS ARE CONFIDENTIAL

#HE WAS IMPALED BY A TREE 😔

( 6 notes )

💀 littlekernel Follow

i think my greatest fear is killing someone and not remembering i did it

💀 littlekernel

guys why did i wake up to my ask box being full

💀 littlekernel

who is joanie liao i don't know anything about her death guys this isn't funny!! i don't have a sister i'm serious!!

( 1,030 notes )

💌 alls-fair-in-love-only Follow

unfollow if you don't ship thierry/rory it's literally my comfort ship!

🌷 platonic-thehedgehog Follow

okay first of all, those are real people you freak. just because we're primordial beings doesn't mean we're exempt from people's boundaries surrounding rpf. secondly, thierry literally insulted rory's sister's religion which is CLEARLY super personal so the farthest they're ever gonna get is MAYBE friends. stop making everything about romance

💌 alls-fair-in-love-only

I LITERALLY PRESIDE OVER ALL LOVE AFFAIRS IT'S MY JOB??? also people can change. you need to go to the human realm and touch some damn grass

#you do the same thing too lmao don't act innocent. you're forcing people to only be friends even if they're into each other because you're such a purist #don't get into discourse with siblings guys im warning you

( 669 notes )

💜 noellewithanle Follow

do you think they call it thefalym because they falling on my m

💜 noellewithanle

whups haha guys this left my drafts before i finished it! oh well

🧣 theaagain Follow

Delete your blog.

💜 noellewithanle

No <3

( 51 notes )

🐉 liberation-for-superpower Follow

okay for all you people on here with no powers listen up. not every kid aging into their powers will accidentally burn down a school or sink a golf course into the earth's core so PLEASE stop making jokes like that it's not funny and a lot of us just want to live our lives especially scared kids

🩸 fineillcallitpaint Follow

this is a serious post and i get that but also: kids, if you're about to get your powers, hope and pray to whatever god you believe in that you sink those damn golf courses. eliminate those rich people greens

#real talk? my brother got the ability to control gophers and made them all dig up our dick neighbor's yard until she moved out so that was p funny #not paint

( 948 notes )

💀 littlekernel Follow

ralphie parker is an idiot if i got an ad in my secret message from little orphan annie i WOULD be sure to drink my ovaltine

💀 littlekernel

rbing this to make this have 5 notes bc i won't have the number 4 on my blog

#idc if i sound superstitious

( 5 notes )

🥵 dirty-nesitralia-confessions Follow

elemental's kinda hot tbh. i know they're crazy and evil but damn i bet they would leave me unable to walk

Submitted by anonymous

🌀 the-elemental-official Follow

EXCUSE ME?? CURSE OF ANTHROPOPHAGITE INSECTA ‼

💥🕸🕷️🦗🪲🦟🪰🕸💥

📣 soundboy Follow

i literally nearly died from those bugs you insensitive pricks WHO SUBMITTED THIS??

#i know four people who have been to nesitralia and i am NOT putting it past three of them to have submitted this shit. #UNHINGED

( 7,195 notes )

[automatismoateo]

How do I do it? Please how do I get them to answer a question? I'm actually spazzing man via /r/atheism

How do I do it? Please, how do I get them to answer a question? I'm actually spazzing man I get really mad in this, so I'm sorry if it's too much, go ahead and delete the post if it is. I am so sick, and I mean SICK of arguing with theists. It's just so many FUCKING fallacies, over and over again. I'm actually fucking losing it. I don't get it, I seriously don't get it, what are you thinking? Did God take your critical thinking skills? Did he remove your ability to comprehend even the literal simplest piece of information? I literally have to baby proof the argument I'm making, and they STILL DONT ANSWER. Dodging questions over and over, deflecting with a completely unrelated Bible quote, I mean seriously? Hey bud, newsflash, the burden of proof is on YOU. NOT ME. And no, no, for the thousandth time, YOU CAN'T PROVE THE BIBLE WITH THE BIBLE. ‘These events really happened, that means Jesus is king!’ AND ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER HAS REAL EVENTS BUT THAT STORIES NOT REAL, IS IT? A brick wall, it's a fucking brick wall. My parents, my grandma, they don't fucking listen. It's not even indoctrination at this point, it's fucking brainwashing! These people are so fucking brainrotted, they literally can't finish one sentence without a logical fallacy! How are you so willfully ignorant?!?! I'm literally speaking in baby talk, I've dumbed down my argument as much as possible, literally all I want is a yes or no answer. Can't wait to hear what you say- oh, you changed the subject again. Wow. Fun. Please, please please please. Just answer one question without a fallacy. I'll literally convert to your religion right now if you answer the question... and you changed the subject again, FUCK- No, no, no, no! Your prayers ‘coming true’, aren't proof of a FUCKING DEITY. Your out of body experience didn't show you anything, because- let me dumb this down. If a Hindu sees their God, and you see your God, how do you know which one’s right? ‘...well, God works in mysterious ways-’ SHUT THE FUCK UP! ANSWER. THE. QUESTION. ‘Well, Satan is giving them these visions.’ ‘How do you know Satan isn't giving you your visions?’ ‘...The Bible says that God-’ THE BIBLE IS THE CLAIM, NOT THE PROOF. And oh, oh my fucking God. Don't get me started on the 'We don't hate them, we just disagree with them.' OH really?? So when your God said to literally murder gay people, that was a mistake? Did he mispeak? But I thought he was perfect? Oh yeah, why would a perfect being creat me as a Bisexual, crossdressing man, if im gonna go to hell for that shit? Is God literally trying to torture me? Fuck your god then. Your God is vile. There, I said it. Your Bible God is a disgusting, egotistical, petty loser who supports genocide, rape, murder, slavery, I can go on. And oh lord lord lord, then after I deal with their bullshit for 2 hours, debating the most simple shit that they won't acknowledge, they say that IM THE ONE GETTING ANGRY. WELL YES, I AM MAD, IM REALLY REALLY MAD. WHAT ARE YOU PERFECT??? KENWJWBJDBEBWJQNSBWJBD And it's just- holy shit, man! Just think! Please! Forget about God, forget the Bible, all of that. Just clear your mind and think without a deity breathing down your neck. Isn't that so much better? You can just- be you! Enjoy yourself! Be gay, trans, non-binary, go out drinking, have sex, do stuff you want without having to follow some magic book! Be you! I'm shaking, I'm crying, I'm fucking tweaking out right now man, tweaked out of my mind, dying. I haven't slept for shit, or relaxed for shit, I'm trying so fucking hard, it just means nothing. I'm losing it, it's so fucking over. Edit: fr though, thank yall so much. This is probably the nicest community I've been in on this app. Submitted November 10, 2024 at 05:10PM by No_Statistician9129 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/LRFmI6k)

[luminescentauthor]

Sora/Tobi Getting Together and Relationship Headcanons

THEY’RE HEEEEEERREEEE! Maybe Tobi will finally leave me alone now and stop taking up my whole brain.

Please read this post or this won’t make sense, it’s HCs about their third year. There’s also a part two that you don’t need to read, since everything you need is in part one. (U can if u want to tho.)

(If you don’t want to, basically all you need to know is: Nao, Sora, Tobi, and Mokichi are on first-name basis since the end of second year; Sora and Tobi have had a running prank war since the end of their first year and everyone on the team hates them because of it; Sora is captain, Mokichi is vice. Oh also Tobi’s aunt is awesome and she stormed into his parents’ house in Hiroshima to yell at them for being terrible parents. Tobi didn’t find out for the longest time.)

This is some 10-ass pages so headcanons below the cut!

This. Is. So much more chaotic than my Sora/Nao HCs. Prepare for disaster gays, very tired and very exasperated queer parent friend Momoharu, very very tired Mokichi, "usually a functional bi but the second you involve emotions he becomes a grade-a disaster bisexual" Tobi, Sora struggling to deal with "OH shit I'm gay," and "bows to absolutely no one and done with everyone and everything 24/7" Nanao Nao. This version of Nao is so much more of a tired badass than Sora/Nao's Nao, who stays more true to her canon self. 

It's also twice as long. Yeet.

Tobi and Sora have had growing feelings since their first year and Mokichi and Nao are fucking suffering with these stupid gays.

They were friends at first, and it really was just pure platonic feelings. It started to turn into something more a little after the first Taiei game, but Sora is shy and a certified disaster and Tobi is way too emotionally constipated for either of them to do anything about it.

Tobi I love you but you're a fucking mess.

Tobi actually got kicked out by his "father" in large part for being bisexual, and therefore wants absolutely nothing to do with growing feelings for tiny cute short teammate, nope nope no thank you-

But basically, Tobi has known he's bi for a while now, and while he's having some acceptance problems, he's not having the "OH GOD I'M GAY" panic

Sora has not known, and he's having a panic in the background because "I'm attracted to guys?!"

Sora starts realizing what's going on some time in second year, and Momoharu takes one look at the panicking Sora and goes "aight the fuck happened to you?"

You will have to pry their friendship from my cold dead hands and I'm not sorry. I love Momoharu and Sora's dynamic. 

Sora eventually confesses to Momoharu (after a lot of prodding) that he thinks he's turning gay, and Momoharu immediately starts laughing. Sora, hurt and feeling very stupid, goes to run, but Momoharu tugs him back down to sit and tells him, "Jesus, Sora, you don't turn gay. You either identify as gay or you don't. Sorry for scaring you, the concept of turning gay is just... oddly funny. Don't worry about it dude, I'm pansexual."

"...Pansexual?" Sora asks nervously.

"Yup, I'm attracted to all people regardless of gender. Men, women, people who don't fit either -- I don't much care. Gender doesn't really factor into whether or not I'm attracted to people."

"You can be attracted to multiple genders?" Sora asks, eyes wide.

Oh boy, Momoharu thinks. Poor kid. "Yeah, folks who are attracted to just men and women are called bisexual. Homosexual is the official word for those who are only attracted to their own gender, but gay or lesbian is usually used. Heterosexual is for those only attracted to the opposite gender. Of course, the lines aren't as clear set as those labels suggest they are. Sexuality is fucky, dude. Don't worry about not having it figured out. I only decided on a label a few months back, myself. Some people just choose not to label it at all."

That makes Sora feel better, and he takes to talking to Momoharu about it quite a bit.

At one point, Sora brings up how the team would react, especially since they share a locker room. Momoharu just gives him a deadpan look and then says in the flattest voice ever, "Wow, imagine being so insecure in your masculinity that you can't share a changing room with a gay man." That gets a laugh out of Sora and makes him feel a lot better.

As it turns out, this was word for word Chiaki's reaction to Momoharu being nervous about coming out to the team back in their first year.

It is also, word for word, Chiaki's response to Sora coming out to him going "I'm sorry I hope this doesn't make things awkward-"

Momoharu laughs hysterically when Chiaki pulls the exact same face he did and says in the exact same deadpan tone, "Wow, imagine being so insecure in your masculinity that you can't share a changing room with a gay man." Sora also stares at Chiaki for about ten seconds in silence, then doubles over laughing. Chiaki is so confused until Momoharu explains. 

However, this does mean that Momoharu has to deal with the brunt of Sora's "TOBI DID A THING HOLY SHIT" rants for the rest of the year, even though he denies that Tobi is the one he was attracted to if ever asked.

Momoharu, rubbing his forehead: Chiaki the baby gays are being stupid what do I do

Chiaki: I'm a straight so unfortunately I don't think I can help here?

Momoharu: Ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Tobi is freaking out in the background because "oh no gay feelins oh no soft feelins fuck what do I do????"

His aunt: Kid, please calm down, you'll be fine.

Tobi, putting a groove in the floor with his pacing: NO I WON'T WHA' IF 'E FINDS OUT WHAT IF THIS RUINS THA TEAM DYNAMIC WHAT IF 'E 'ATES ME-

Accent go yeet when upset!

She holds him while he panics and lets him curl into her, and then makes his favorite foods and puts on a movie and cuddles with him, and once he's asleep, she calls her brother-in-law with every intent of murder because how dare you make this child feel so unloved?

Anyway, Tobi eventually comes to accept himself and his sexuality in full thanks to her, the team, and Juri. It's primarily just a thing of time and needing to have more conversations where he's open about it and accepted by people he cares about. 

Poor Sora still isn't totally comfortable with being gay? And a month or so into his third year, he comes out to Nao and later Mokichi. They make him feel much better, but the final piece is actually Tobi himself. Tobi finds Sora having a breakdown in the locker rooms and holds him to help him calm down and pushes him to talk about it, and Sora finally tells Tobi he's queer.

And Tobi, having been through this struggle before, just kind of pulls him into a hug and says, "Well, tha' makes two o' us" and Sora goes "wHAT" and Tobi tells him he's bisexual. Tobi does not pry about who made Sora realize he's queer, because it's personal and touchy, and he respects that.

That does, however, extend the mutual bullshit period.

But also: 

Sora: oH MY GOD HE'S GAY HE'S GAY HE'S GAY I'M-

Tobi: 'E's. 'E's Bi. Deep breaths deep breaths deep breaths just don' panic and ask 'im out that's a bad plan-

Tobi that's actually how you deal with romantic feelings like a functional human being but sure, go off. 

Tobi comes out to Nao and Mokichi with Sora's support shortly after that, and their reactions are, respectively: "NICE!" "Cool." and then Nao tackles Tobi in a hug that is the start of a big grouphug. 

There's lots of hugging and crying (the latter is Nao and Sora and a little bit of Mokichi), and Tobi will vehemently deny that he cried at all, but a few tears got out.

(Lbr Tobi's gay pining for Sora was Not Subtle, so they already knew, but they don't tell him that for a while. When they do tell him, he's gotten to the point where he just stares at them blankly for a moment and then groans rather than flipping out. Mokichi chuckles quietly and Nao just outright laughs at him.)

But anyway, both of these Absolute Idiots are still crushing on each other, and everyone is suffering.

Actually, scratch "crushing,” it's moved into full-blown pining now.

Sora eventually also accepts that, alright, he has a big crush on Tobi. Tobi, their ace. Tobi, one of his best friends. Tobi, one of the best wings in all of Japan. Tobi, who is ridiculously attractive. Tobi, who looks like an actual bush when he doesn't tie his hair back somehow, because his hair is insanely (and adorably) frizzy and voluminous. Tobi, who will whoop at the top of his lungs and grin like a maniac because he just pulled off a fantastic drive and double-clutch, even though he's exhausted and soaked in sweat and they're four minutes into overtime. Tobi, who makes the cutest face with the sweetest smile Sora has ever seen when he talks to his sister. (Tobi, who is a boy, and Sora has stopped caring.)

Sora even stops denying that he likes Tobi after a little bit, and Momoharu is just in the background going, "good job, it only took you two entire years to figure that out."

Sora: LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

Momoharu: Okay but have you considered: No. Absolutely not. 

Anyway Tobi mostly complains/gay rants to Nao and sometimes Mokichi, and at this point, even Juri is slightly sick of her brother talking about "our amazin' point guard." Yer not subtle, Anchan????

Except it eventually moves from "wow he's amazin' but NO I do not 'ave a crush on 'im" to "oh my God I am SO gay," and then later it moves to a more resigned gay panic. ("Nnnnnnghhhhh I nearly fuckin' kissed 'im after practice today what do I do-")

Nao is trying to bully both of them into confessing, but neither will take the first step, not because of pride, but because they're scared. (Nao is. So. Done. Even if she sympathizes, it has been two years of this bullcrap please-)

Tobi, especially, is afraid of losing everything again after his nasty stepdad booted him out.

Sora is like "that is one of my closest friends, and given this team's stability record I am Not Poking That Mess With A Long Stick."

Momoharu, who is the one he says this to, is just kinda like, "Yeah I can't really argue with that, as much I want you to confess."

Nao, later, having been subjected to a similar rant, after he said "closest friend" instead of "a dude": HE'S GROWING UP KANAME-KUN I'M TEARING UP-

Mokichi is far too tired of everything to interfere, which is fair.

Juri badgers Tobi for a solid four weeks before he admits what's really going on, and then it kind of all comes spilling out, and she encourages him to confess to Sora, but he's still reluctant.

Nao also bluntly says, "Kenji-kun's family abandoned him, Sora-kun, and it may be because he's the words ‘problem child' given physical form, but it may be because he's queer. If you want to work this out, I think you'll need to take the first step." 

(Tobi told the team about his past late first year/early second year. Crying happened and everyone basically group-tackle-hugged Tobi, and he finally got the hugs he very much needed and definitely deserved.)

And Sora angsts over that for a while until Chiaki very simply says, "Do you want things between the two of you to change?" And Sora realizes that yes, he does, he doesn't want things to stay the same, he wants to hold Tobi's hand and go on dates and call each other at weird hours for the sake of it and hold each other until they fall asleep and kiss him and -- well, you get the idea.

So he works up the courage, and it's one night some months before the national tournament when Sora asks Tobi to stay behind with him for extra practice. Sora is really nervous, and Tobi is like "??? Sure? Are ya okay?"

Sora, voice cracking: yEaH I'M FINE

Anyway, Sora misses like a solid sixty percent of his shots that practice and Tobi is. So confused.

Tobi to Mokichi: Did. Did somethin' happen.

Mokichi just shrugs, which does not make Tobi feel better.

So Tobi stays behind all the others to talk with Sora, and they're both really nervous. Obviously, Sora is about to confess, and Tobi is just so confused, and also some small part of him is going, "oh God did he figure out I like 'im????"

Nao and Mokichi kicked all the first and second years out after just an hour of individual practice, and Sora is grateful but also, "guys please don't make me confront my problems."

Nao: "Sora-kun if we waited for you to deal with this we'd be here 'till sunrise."

Mokichi, tiredly: "No, we'd be here until we turned old and gray."

Sora asks Tobi to sit with him while blushing, and Tobi complies, still very puzzled.

They make small talk for a minute, and then Sora abruptly says, "Kenji-kun... I... I think I have a crush on you".

Tobi gapes at him like a fish, opening and closing his mouth for a solid minute, and eventually, Sora.exe unfreezes and goes, "Sorry, I-" and Tobi just goes, "Fer real? Ya aren't prankin' me again?" in a surprisingly quiet voice.

And Sora is mildly offended but knows that's a fair assumption given their track record of prank wars, and he also almost wants to use the excuse Tobi has handily provided, but he just stands and goes "I'm sorry, I should leave-"

And Tobi leaps to his feet, grabs his hand, and says flat out, "Sora, I've 'ad a crush on ya since first year."

And Sora just kinda… short circuits. "Wait, really?"

Tobi just kinda rubs the back of his neck (shyly? Tobi gets shy?) and goes, "Yeah, I... I kinda only admitted it in tha middle a' second year, though."

And Sora says slowly, "You... you like me. You like me!" He laughs, relieved. "Holy shit, I was so scared you were going to reject me and it was going to ruin everything--"

And Tobi is just going oh my God, he's adorable, I can't deal with him, and takes Sora's chin in one hand and asks quietly, "Sora, can I kiss ya?" Sora's eyes, predictably, go wide, and he nods. (And please take a moment to recall and appreciate the fact that Tobi is canonically an entire foot taller than Sora. Sora is 149 cm (4'10.7) and Tobi is 178 (5'10.1). This is fantastic because I will bet actual money that this height difference has not shrunk; if anything, it has grown.)

They kiss just as the entire team bursts into the gym. Turns out, they were watching the whole thing, and honestly, none of them look that ashamed; they put up with the pair's bullshit for this long, they're invested now, and they deserved to know what happened.

"ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, THIS IS REVENGE FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS OF USELESS GAY PINING," Nao yells. "KANAME-KUN, EVERYONE -- GRAB THEM!"

And the team lifts the yelling and protesting couple above their heads as Sora loudly objects and Tobi swears at them. The first years learn some creative new insults. The second and third years, on the other hand, are very accustomed to Tobi by this point, and aren't remotely surprised, but -- oh, haven't heard that one before, actually, says a second year. The others mutter assent. 

We have, Mokichi grouches. We third years have heard them all. 

Sora is small and easily hauled around, and Tobi is also pretty helpless when being held up above the heads of Mokichi and their first-year center. So they can’t really like... do anything about being dragged around.

Nao leads the team forward like an army, and they march to the pool to drop the two of them in, and when they resurface, fully clothed and soaked to the bone, Sora is laughing hysterically. (Assume Sora learned to swim at some point.)

Tobi is groaning, but he's grinning, and he swims over to the side of the pool -- and grabs Nao and Mokichi's ankles and drags them in, both of them yelling.

And Sora thinks, with Nao yelling in irritation but a sparkle in her eyes and a grin she's failing to fight off, with Mokichi laughing quietly as he flings his wet bangs out of his eyes, with Tobi laughing hysterically, his hair slicked back by water, with the four of them wearing all of their clothes and soaked to the bone, their entire team yanking off their shirts to jump into the pool with them and the moon and stars shining overhead, that he's never been happier.

And Tobi turns to him and grins, and Sora can't keep himself from jumping at Tobi -- who catches him, startled -- and kissing him again.  

And, like, hey, Tobi isn't about to complain.

They take about two months to settle into things, and then it's just like... I'm sorry, who thought letting Kurumatani "Embodiment of Chaos" and Natsume "Biggest Problem Child Ever" Kenji date was a good idea?????

It's a bit awkward for a while because they're still feeling things out and figuring out what they're both comfortable with, but then they finally click, and it's... pure fucking chaos.  

Sora will not stop stealing Tobi's clothes and Tobi is not happy about it, mostly because -- Sora, if ya keep stealin' my clothes while I am in the changin' room, then I do not 'ave clothes to wear ya stupid chibi--

Tobi has stormed into the gym shirtless at least twice yelling, "SORA! GIVE BACK MY FUCKIN' SHIRT!"

Listen. Listen we have a total of three scenes of Tobi being shirtless, and two of them were in front of plenty of people. Tobi is many things, but body shy is not one of them. He wouldn't care. 

(Post-Kitasumi loss, post-Shinjo loss, and that one scene of him dribbling in a park or something at night with an audience. The night before they played Taiei.)

Tobi: Are ya ever jus' tryin' to figure out where all yer clothes have gotten ta and then ya turn ‘round and see 'em all on yer dumbass tiny boyfriend?

Sora, clearly utterly unapologetic, wearing Tobi's sweatshirt: Oops. 

Chiaki, probably: SOME OF US ARE SINGLE STOP RUBBING IT IN.

As mentioned before, Sora is canonically 149 cm (~4'10.7), and Tobi is 178 cm (~5'10.1). There's a 29-centimeter difference, almost an entire foot, and frankly, that difference has grown a few centimeters, and you bet Tobi is going to abuse the shit out of this.

He literally holds things Sora wants over Sora's head all the time and Sora hates it. Like yes, Tobi did this before they dated too, but now Tobi is doing it more just to be annoying. It's also the only way Tobi can keep his clothes out of Sora's hands whenever they aren't on Tobi's person. (It's kind of hard to steal a shirt when someone is wearing it.) 

"THIS IS ABUSE!"

"Me holdin' m' own jacket above m' head so that ya can't steal it from me isn't abuse, it’s self-preservation! It’s like -20 degrees out there, Sora, use yer own jacket!"

I personally headcanon Tobi shooting up like a weed, but whether he did or not, he's probably between 180 and 190 now (5'11 and 6'3). Meanwhile, Sora is like maybe 155-60. It is possible that Sora also shoots up, but I feel like he would hit 165 at most. That would have him growing 16 cm, which is 8 inches, so. That's a lot of inches to grow in two and a half years. 

The things Tobi holds above his head are mostly his own clothes and also food items, plus the occasional basketball.

He also sometimes will nab Sora's clothes and hold them up in the air just to get back at him. Sora will be leaping up in the air, trying to reach his clothes, while Tobi stands there with a shit-eating grin holding Sora's shirt over his head. It looks so stupid. Nao and Mokichi both have multiple videos of it. (Nao has like five.) (What? She suffered, alright? Let her have this blackmail, at least.)

Sora: :( My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips, what should I do?

Momoharu: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Nao: Tackle him.

Chiaki: Dump him.

Mokichi: Kick him in the shin.

Tobi: NO TO ALL A' THOSE, JUST ASK ME TA LEAN DOWN!

Nao and Mokichi and Momoharu and Chiaki and Madoka and literally all of their friends are still giving them a hard time for being useless gays and taking two and half years to deal with their feelings even five years later. They're never going to live it down.

As adults, juggling careers and their growing relationship is hard.

They both go to universities in Tokyo, thankfully, and don't have to do long distance, and get an apartment together in their third year.

Tobi probably joins the B.League, and maybe Sora does too. (I dunno, I'm not committing to anything with career HCs.)

If they do, they have to keep their relationship secret; it would be a huge deal to be gay athletes in Japan (or... anywhere.) Most of their teammates know, though. Like... Sora regularly shows up to practice in Tobi's sweatshirts.

The sexual tension whenever they play each other is intense, though.

(My pet headcanon for Tobi is actually him going to university in America and joining the NBA. While I want to do that with Sora too, the mangaka apparently turned down two anime deals because they ended with Sora in the NBA. I haven't fact-checked that, though.)

They're around 25 when the world as a whole finds out. It either comes out because one of them is like, "hey babe do ya wanna just come out? We have enough money to retire if this goes south," "Oh sure," or because they mess up so drastically that people figure it out. After all, it would take a lot to break past the "they're such good friends!" mentality of sports reporters. Like seriously. These two are not subtle. They can let heteronormativity do most of the work for them, in all honesty. 

Anyway, it comes out, and the media goes into an uproar, and they retreat to visit Sora's dad in Nagano without telling anyone except their coaches and closest friends where they've holed up and just let the world burn while they enjoy tea and the view of the mountains and avoid social media like the plague. 

Assuming it was planned:

Tobi, the day before coming out, on his official twitter: I'll be doing a no-electronics retreat with my partner for two weeks, so I won't be on social media. Enjoy your week!

Or possibly the way he came out, besides their official announcement on Sora's account, was just "I'll be doing a no-electronics retreat with my boyfriend, @KurumataniOfficial, for the next two weeks. Bye y'all, have a good two weeks! :)" because that has Tobi's chaotic energy.

Edit: Actually? I take that back. SORA would do that. That has SORA'S chaotic energy.

When people get homophobic, all of their friends -- high school, college, adult life -- are immediately down to throw hands. 

The Japanese highschool circle of people who went professional is small and pretty close-knit, and the NBA and B.League sides are quite close to each other as well. Shiraishi and Fuwa, who are both in the NBA, both riot when people attack their old acquaintances from high school. I personally headcanon Fuwa as a raging chaotic bi, because -- hair. Yozan, for that matter, is also pretty pissed off. 

Fuwa probably gets on twitter and goes, "What's this bullshit about them being gay???? Of course they're gay. Have you ever seen them interact for more than two seconds??? Are you blind??? Wait, nope. Sorry. Don't want to insult blind people. ARE YOU ACTUALLY THAT DUMB????"

Momoharu tweets," 'Wow, imagine being so insecure in your masculinity that you can't share a changing room with a gay man' --My twin Chiaki, and Sora and Tobi's HS teammate, upon them coming out in HS" and first Sora's teammates start retweeting it and then Tobi's and then every single one of both their teams’ members retweets it. It's fantastic. 

Then Shiraishi (who, again, is in the NBA) retweets it, and it goes completely viral. Chiaki is so happy but also really pissed that it's Momoharu's account. 

Momoharu ribs him about it for a solid three weeks just to be obnoxious. 

There's actually no one on either of their teams that didn't already know about the relationship. Again, they're not subtle together. If there was any drama, it was presumably resolved by getting rid of the homophobe. 

Anyway, so while shit hits the fan, Sora and Tobi just shelter in place and their friends all react by going to war, which both of them are a bit taken aback by, but like, they aren't complaining about it. They're both touched actually.  

For marriage, honestly, neither one of them proposes in any fancy manner; they probably decided to get married because the topic comes up due to taxes. Sora goes, "Hey, do you think we should get married? The taxes would be cheaper," without really thinking about it, and Tobi goes, "Honestly, if it means everyone will stop badgerin' us about 'tyin' the knot' or whatever, I vote we elope," and that's that. Some two hours later while making dinner, Sora goes, "HOLY SHIT WAIT ARE WE ENGAGED?" and Tobi, who was reading, stares at him for three seconds, processes that, and slowly goes, "...I guess? Yeah, I guess we are. Wow. We did that." 

Sora slams his head on the table and Tobi just very tiredly says, "babe, no, ya need those brain cells." 

Assume gay marriage is by this point legal and accepted.

When asked how they got engaged, everyone is just like, "THAT'S SO ANTICLIMACTIC?????" This is also the media's reaction.

Interviewer: Why did you and Natsume-san decide to get married?

Sora, shrugging: Taxes are easier with your partner when you're married.

But they went to get rings together on their tenth anniversary shortly after deciding to get married, and if that isn't sappy as hell, I don't know what is. 

They probably don't wait long for the wedding and don't bother making it a huge thing; they invite all their friends, hire some folks to keep the media out no matter what, and hire a few people to film it and figure they can share that footage later. ("I am not havin' the media at my weddin' that is a private event for friends and family -" "Love, I am not arguing with you, I don't want them there either???")

Nao will be best woman for one of them at the wedding, and you bet she will give them so much shit for being disasters back in high school in her speech.

Juri, who by that point is like 20 something, because the disaster gays don't get married till they're at least 28 to 30, is either Tobi's best woman or playing some significant role in the wedding. She also roasts her brother and brother-in-law. 

Tobi and Juri are definitely half-siblings, just in terms of time. He looked five or six when his biodad died, and she seems about the same age, meaning there's a ten-year gap. 

Also, it's implied in the manga, so. 

The newly-weds are just sitting there groaning as their friends/family members roast them, but they're both grinning. 

The vows are probably really, really sappy, and Tobi can claim it's Sora's fault as much as he wants, but he's honestly also kind of a sap too and all his friends know it.

Tobi's stepdad is not invited. In fact, Tobi goes out of his way to send an edited version of the invitation to him that basically says, "Wedding! You're not invited!" while Sora and Juri die of laughter in the background. His mother does come, though -- she eventually moved out following the "her younger sister stormed in boiling with righteous fury on behalf of her son" incident. While the couple never got a divorce, they haven't spoken in years. 

The invitees are actually mostly friends, not family. While Sora's dad, grandma, and extended family come, Tobi's only present family are his sister, his aunt, his mother, and his biodad's brother (and the brother's wife and kids.) But they have hundreds of friends there; Nao, Mokichi, Momoharu, Chiaki, Madoka, Yasu, Chukie, Nabe, their kouhai from their second and third years, Satsuki with his wife and two kids, Shiraishi, Fuwa, Yozan, Mineta, Yakku, Nino, Tarou, both of their professional teams and all the team staff, the national team that they played with, Sakamaki, Yuka and Tomohisa’s friends, Madoka's older sister, their college teammates and classmates -- the list literally just doesn't stop. For like. Days. That guest list was the hardest part of the wedding, actually.

The symbol they use on the invitations is a dragon. Momoharu and Nao both cry when they see the nod to the Kuzuryu team. (Chiaki does not cry, he claims. Momoharu calls bullshit, and Momoharu is, for once, completely right.) 

The cake has wing patterns curving up the sides; one kite wing with a healed injury, and a duck wing in front of the silhouette of an eagle wing. ("I'm sappy, Ken, sue me." "Actually, I think that's adorable, so go ahead.") 

The healed injury was Tobi's idea, though. Sora was confused, but Tobi explained that Sora and Kuzuryu brought him back to basketball as a team sport, and healed him from the pain of being pushed away from his family. Sora cries.

The shadow of the eagle wing was also Tobi's idea. He says "I agree that yer a duck because I love ya to pieces but yer still short as shit-" "Oi." "-but I also think ya learned how to fly in yer own right. Swimmin' and duckin' be damned. Ya fly on the court, Sora." 

Sora does not cry again. He does not. ("Sure ya didn't." "SHUT UP KEN-") (He definitely teared up a little, because Tobi is looking at him with a soft smile and the most affectionate look in his eyes, and holy shit, I love him, and I'm going to marry him????

They go to Nagano and Hiroshima to visit their parents' graves after the wedding. Both of them are sappy about it. "I wish you could have met him" speeches, basically, while the other stands out of earshot.

They then proceed to screw off to Hawaii on a honeymoon for two weeks, since it's the offseason. 

Either they combine their names, or Tobi takes Sora's last name.

I feel like Tobi would, just to spite his stepdad. I'm pretty sure Natsume is his stepdad's last name, since Tobi is seen wearing a helmet that is probably his dad's in a flashback, and it has a different name on it. Might've been a company name, though. Idk.

Sora is maybe crying when they change the nameplate on their Tokyo apartment to read "Kurumatani-Natsume Sora and Kurumatani-Natsume Kenji" because "holy shit that's my fucking husband!!!!!"

And Tobi just laughs and wraps his arms around him and drags him down onto the couch to hold him, and Sora thinks that life is good. Very good. 

And if Nao and Mokichi and Momoharu and Chiaki and Madoka and Juri and crew all crash their place five seconds later, well, Sora thinks, that just makes it better. 

wow! if you made it through this entire thing i am grateful to you for reading! and lowkey impressed because this is almost 5000 words. see my Ahiru No Sora Headcanons tag for more! there is also a Sora/Nao relationship headcanons post.

[hydrospanners]

fic masterlist: swtor

at the request of literally no one, i’ve created a masterlist of all my swtor fic. first is a chronological collection of all the swtor fic i’ve written in my “canon”. it’s broken up into snippets of time relative to the events of swtor. aus and gift fics are at the end. this is more for me than anything else, but if you have a bunch of time on your hands and want to read some fic--enjoy!!!

i am the most self-indulgent author known to man so there are numerous fics that don’t feature any canon characters in any significant way. i’m not sorry, but i did mark them with an asterisk for everyone’s edification. i also wrote actually vaguely descriptive descriptions instead of whatever bullshit i put in the descriptions on ao3. all links go to ao3 because tumblr was not designed for reading and it shows.

53 fics below the cut... what a trip, y’all.

backstory these fics are about things that happened before the opening of the class story. 

* a very velaran life day - snippets of different life days in the velaran family history. no canon characters in it yet, but maybe this christmas i’ll get to some fics that aren’t solely about my own ocs.

* the shape of things to come - the story about how rea finally joined the jedi at the ripe old age of sixteen.

* a dimming star - the first steps on rea’s jedi path. they aren’t fun ones, lads!

* necessary sacrifice - like three years down the timeline and still no canon characters! rea continues to struggle with this whole being a jedi thing, and it continues to struggle with her! this one features a haircut as a symbol of a turning point in the story.

bars and stripes - canon characters??? in my fic????? its more likely than you think. this is a shameless ripoff of an episode of m*a*s*h masquerading as doc backstory. does it have cameos and/or mentions of other healer companions? maybe!!!

prelude these are fics set during the prologue of the class stories, everything that happens between the start and completing the capital planet missions. 

* memories - rhese? do you finally get a say in all this??? this is the moment rhese and rea finally see each other for the first time since they were recruited to the jedi, set at the very start of the class story.

attachments - kira and rea talk about rhese. that’s it. that’s the fic.

act one all the stories set between killing tarnis and beginning preparations to capture the emperor (everything after coruscant ending and pubside balmorra starting). rip orgus. one day ill finish all those wips about how sad it was when he bit it. in the mean time, can i interest you in some gifsets?

lessons - now rea’s padawan, kira reflects on how bad rea is at teaching, though maybe without as much clarity as i just implied.

a tangled web - so stupid it’s basically crack, kira has to rescue rea from an embarrassing situation.

of flowers, failure, and the virtues of friendship - kira and rhese start to bond over the shared torment of having to be around rea. rivals to friends (one day i’ll write the “to lovers” part that comes after).

act two all the stories during the time when the knight is prepping for the assault on the emperor’s fortress and then assaulting it. everything between pubside balmorra starting and breaking free from the emperor’s fortress after that super successful plan to bring him in alive. great job jedi!

filling the table - is that shipfic????? the reason i started writing swtor fic in the first place??? this is rea being thirsty disguised as me sewing seeds for the eventual doc x rea romance. pazaak themed for some reason? (doc x rea)

when the wicked play - this is me being obsessed with the translation of video game violence to vaguely realistic circumstances posing as doc feeling some kind of way about rea murdering a whole bunch of dudes who wanted to hurt her but weren’t powerful enough. not primarily romantic but definitely some setup for their relationship.

night shift -  everything is doc x rea and nothing hurts. rea’s got work to do but who can work when there’s a horny mustachio’d doctor trying to persuade her back to bed??? it’s not love it’s just good sex!!!!! honest!!!!(doc x rea)

these nights never seem to go to plan - rea isn’t yearning for affection, she’s just too tired to get out of doc’s bed after so much boning. okay maybe this is about slightly more than good sex after all... doc x rea TENDERNESS.

somewhere we’ve not been before - this is the good shit lads!!!! doc x rea!!! first dates!!!! shenanigans!!!! honest to goodness falling in love between all that fucking that do!!!!!!!!!!!! (doc x rea)

no better taste - a sequel to the last fic featuring the morning after!!! some post-horniness introspection!! tenderness!!!!!! hints of yearning!!! god i miss the days before the mind control and the carbonite when the problems were normal things like commitment and abandonment issues. (doc x rea)

heart - rea sends doc a rocking “thanks for the great sex” gift!! rhese is disgusted by every part of it! this is comedy folks!!!! (doc x rea... i guess)

interruptions - rea takes a work call while she’s boning doc. that’s the whole fic. i think this was my first spicy fic?? i can’t remember. (doc x rea)

* where you go to rest your bones - sibling tenderness!!!! their relationship is super complicated, but rhese is reminded that underneath all the bullshit rea really does love him a lot.... it’s both sad and not sad at the same time. schroedinger’s sadness.

gifts - the crew tries to plan a gift for rea, but what do you get for the woman who’s banned from everything?? so dumb it’s basically crack and i’m not sorry for it.

crapshoot - the crew takes bets on what rea’s next Bad Idea TM will be. she shows them you can’t predict chaos. basically crack but i don’t care.

spoonful of sugar - vignettes about the jedi knight crew dealing with sickness. almost entirely comedy and/or fluff. doc x rea content is present and rhese x kira content is suggested.

a little eggstra - grocery shopping gone awry, based on an old tumblr text post. hella stupid, yet hella fun. doc x rea is in the background.

to break our bones for kindling - you thought we were just having good times??? you’re a fool. doc’s job is to heal people and rea’s job is to break them. sometimes they have work-related disagreements!!! be sad with me. doc x rea.

* when a problem comes along, you must whip it - i can only stop being stupid for so long, so here’s the story about how rea came to possess her lightwhip, the stupidest weapon known to man. these events do not go well for rhese.

things unsaid - a dumb doc x rea drabble about stupid shit rea says when she’s been mortally wounded. if doc were to just let her die, no one would blame him.

* the things you do for love are gonna come back to you one by one - a bit of a character/relationship study about what rhese is willing to sacrifice for love of his sister, no matter how complicated things are between them. a second chapter about what rea sacrifices for rhese is in my wips and will be completed... .eventually. 

lovesick - doc x rea ship content. my interpretation of that one conversation where doc’s like “hey would your jedi powers tell me if im going crazy also do you love me? check yes or no. i will not elaborate.”

* the things we left behind - oh no lads.... we’re building up to the fortress shit.... our good times are over. rea does some underhanded shit to make sure her brother doesn’t go on this mission to capture the emperor cause the plan does not seem like a great one.

act three wow wasn’t act two fun??? so much silly nonsense and love. now get a drink assholes it’s Time To Be Sad. act three covers everything in the class stories after coming back from that super successful assault on the emperor’s fortress (great job jedi!) to finally stabbing the bastard in the dark fortress and hoping that gets the job done at last. (spoilers: it doesn’t!!!!!) aka stories from belsavis to the final assault on dromund kaas.

everything we left there - it’s trauma time!!! rea’s fucked up from the fortress and feeling the pressure (thanks for the prophecy scourge!!! love that!!!!) so she hurts people she cares about to protect them. it’s her signature move!

the only thing that’s real - rea continues to be fucked up from what happened on the fortress but hey... at least she isn’t fucked up alone??? sad doc x rea content.

into the jungle - the gang is on belsavis and no one is having a good time! since rea isn’t herself, doc tries to pick up the slack and reassure kira that it’ll all be okay! it goes about as well as you’d expect.

interlude now that i’m looking at it, there are some serious gaps in my fic coverage. anyway, sad hours are over, the emperor is (kind of but not really) dead and there may still be a war on but things are looking up! this covers everything between the emperor’s death and the beginning of kotfe, including forged alliances and the shadow of revan.

hands too hungry - doc finally takes rea on that honeymoon she didn’t really care about in the first place! tragically, rea is way too horny to be impressed by what an amazing vacation he planned for himself them. peak rea x doc content.

no kind of romantic - it’s doc and rea’s one year anniversary but they are both working on opposite sides of the galaxy. sad! it’s doc x rea fluff disguised as angst.

a little help from a friend - rea and theron are worst/best friends and i recycle romance tropes into annoying friendship ones. this is the least sexy sharing body heat fic you’ve ever (not?) read. bite me.

retirement - rea has some feelings about her very violent, stressful job and how it interferes with her husband doing things that actually help and heal. doc x rea content.

the dreaded kotfe content these are sad hours!!! this is everything from arcann’s invasion on, cause i’m not breaking it up by post-carbonite storyline you bastards. i don’t know why i’m being so hostile no one asked me to do this.

every doubt we had - after watching what may have been his sister’s death by exploding starship, rhese is having trouble sleeping. no one is more surprised than him when seeks out doc for comfort! doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity. carbonite angst...

love is a waiting game - rea’s been MIA for six months since the ship she was on bit it and her crew is finally making some changes. doc is sad about it. doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity again. doc x rea angst.

waiting - some time has passed and now rhese is the sad one again!!! grief is so funny isn’t it??? hahahaha haha hahahaha why is no one else laughing? doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity yet again.

the greatest distance - rea’s back baby!!!! oh but this isn’t a celebration. she’s taking a tour of her long lost ship now that all the people she loved aren’t in it. it’s a sad one, fellas. 

* when the stars are the only thing we share - rea tracks down some people from her past to help her track down her brother since he went missing while she was having a nap. no canon characters were used in the making of this fic.

leave her sleeping a little longer - rea has a dream and wakes up missing doc even more than she was before. sad hours. doc x rea angst.

take back what the kingdom stole - after theron pulls some Shenanigans (you know the ones) his friendship with rea is in peril. they both break character and actually talk shit out for once.

a wish your heart makes - rea dreams a dream. so does doc. it’s a wet one. this makes it sound lighthearted but actually it’s angst with a side of porn. doc x rea supreme spicy/sad content.

overserved - back to crack baby!! rea gets drunk and acts a fool based on a joke made in a discord server. this is the best shit i’ve ever written.

thrusting back into my skin i feel anew - the band is back together again and everything is fine!!!! just kidding -- actually people change a lot in six years and rea and doc are having some trouble fitting back into the marriage they had back then. doc x rea angst but with a hopeful ending!

non-canon fics i’ve written a couple of things with my dumb characters that are too stupid even for me to put into their canon story or are otherwise aus. these are them, listed in no particular order.

the lies we tell ourselves - a sadder (yet possibly more realistic) take on the ossus reunion and what follows. a bit experimental. doc x rea angst au.

archiban frodrick’s kennel - a romance au where doc is a vet and rea has a pet with a health issue, inspired by my own stupid dog whom i love very much. doc x rea. spiciness suggested but not detailed; sorry horndogs.

fallen - a fun au where rea’s shittiness as a teacher and everything being bad leads to kira falling to the dark side... its angst lads.

the new recruit - rusk’s squad adopts a kitten. that’s the fic.

cruel - ever wonder how things would have turned out if rea was never smuggled off eriadu and got plucked up by the sith?? no??? well i have and i wrote about it. the self-indulgence never ends.

fill my lungs with sweetness - a gift fic for @hoiist; flower-themed vignettes about doc expressing his love for hoiist’s knight, vii. this is some real soft shit, lads.

remember me, love - another gift fic for @hoiist; this time some ossus-flavored angst about doc seeing through vii’s eyes in his dreams. what he sees is not comforting!!! all aboard the angst train--choo choo!!

[starryevermore]

xplrtrash - i love how everyone is talking about equality now, but where the fuck were all these people when we really needed them 2016? 2014? 2010? like, i just can't with society. and what's going to happen when floyd's name is suddenly faded out of the news? there just going to go back to their daily lifes. im so sick of people claiming they care for black people, i really am.

Honestly, I have to agree. It’s always better late than never to educate yourself on social justice issues, but it’s beyond frustrating to have been advocating for police reform and improvements toward the treatment of minorities for years and all of a sudden people who have never given a fuck about the mistreatment of minorities to suddenly put on their social justice advocate hats and act as though they’ve been activists this entire time. But I’m also glad that at least now they’re starting to do the right thing. Maybe it’ll result in actual change for once. After all, all this attention to George Floyd’s murder has resulted in all four officers facing charges, with Derek Chauvin’s charge of third-degree murder being raised to the second-degree and the other officers involved being charged with aiding and abetting both second-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter.

I’ll be honest - I’m surprised the protests have gone on for as long as they have. In the past, issues of police brutality gets swept under the rug very quickly. I have to wonder if the pandemic has had a role in how intense and widespread the protests have gotten. I think, if anything, the COVID-19 pandemic has proven that the government just doesn’t give a fuck about the people that it allegedly serves. It really pissed me off that so many people were just posting black squares on Instagram “in solidarity” rather than sharing actual resources to the Black Lives Matter movement. All it did was clog the feed and effectively censored people who were actively fighting for social reform. And, really, what good did that do? (Nothing. It did nothing. Performative activism is not real activism and you need to take actual, real steps to aid in activism, such as donating to reputable causes, contacting government officials, signing petitions, educating yourself and others, etc if you want to actually be an ally to the community you claim to be standing in solidarity with and change things for their betterment.)

In the grand scheme of things, though, I think it’s beneficial that 2020 is an election year, which means we might actually see a lot more progressive Representatives and Senators in Washington. I personally know that I will be voting for Charles Booker in Kentucky - fuck Mitch McConnell. Hopefully, this will result in progressive policies, but I do have my doubts.

While I know that these protests have inspired so many people to educate themselves on these issues, I also know that this has caused a lot of Trump supporters to double down on their stances. The amount of people that I’ve had to remove from my Facebook in the last few days is astounding. A lot of people believe the lies and bullshit that Trump and his minions spew, and this has caused so much misinformation to be spread. It certainly doesn’t help that our Democratic nominee is going to be Joe fucking Biden, who is honestly no better than Trump. I don’t know how much better a Biden presidency would be than a second term of a Trump presidency, but I really don’t want to risk. What Trump is doing is sick and disgusting and I wish he had been removed from office during the impeachment trials. He has allowed for white supremacy to rear its ugly head in the last four years, and we should’ve never allowed for him to be elected, especially after David Duke, a former Grand Wizard of the KKK endorsed him.

I can only hope people continue to keep this energy as they go to the polls, and that they continue to stay informed, fight against injustices, and contact government officials when injustices are committed. But, if the past has taught us anything, it’s that the government is slow to change (by design? it’s more likely than you think). Things unfortunately aren’t going to change soon, which sucks. But it’s more important than ever that we continue this fight and we need to constantly be reminding people this is fight is far from over, no matter how much the government and the media tries to shut down and misrepresent this movement.

[maloosh-baloosh64]

I’m do sick of people telling me how great of a guy I am. If I really was then why did she leave me? Why did it take me 20 years to find a girlfriend only to have her for 2 and a half weeks? It’s bullshit and I’m clearly being lied to. If I was such an amazing person I would have someone who actually loves me and wants to be with me. It makes me so fucking mad man. I’m clearly not enough for her or for anyone. They always leave me behind for someone better. Someone taller, smarter, calmer, someone who has their fucking brain together, someone who isn’t broken, who doesn’t have autism or adhd or whatever the fuck else I have, someone who isn’t so needy and emotional and clingy. If I’m really such a great guy, then why is there always someone a million times better than me?

These filthy neurotypicals are all the same. They don’t actually want me around, they just keep me around because I’m useful, and when they’re done with me they throw me away. They lie to my face, thinking I’m too mentally challenged to see the lie. They tell me I’m enough but I’m not!

I never feel like I’m ever enough! Every fuxking day every fuxkig decision I make I feel like I’m wrong and bad. Nothing ever feels right!!!!!! I never feel comfortable in my own skin!!! I always feel like I’m a burden and an emberassment and a nuisance! I’m so fucking sick of it! Because deep down I know it’s not entirely true! But there’s a stupid part of my brain that wants me to believe it is!! I want to murder that part of my brain! I want to turn that part of me into its own separate person so I can torture it and give it a slow painful death, as payback for the torture and pain that it causes me every waking moment of my life!!! WHY CANT I JUST LOVE MYSELF!? WHY DO I CONSTANTLY NEED OTHER PEOPLES VALIDATION!??? WHY CANT I JUST FEEL GOOD ENOUGH!!!? WHY DOES NOBODY LOVE ME THE SAME WAY I LOVE THEM????

I’m sorry I just need to vent this shit out im sorry if it makes y’all uncomfortable i just want this out there in the world I’m sick of feeling this constant internal battle. I want to fight it out in the open where everyone can see! Fuck you if you’ve got a problem with that!

God this breakup is tearing me a new one y’all I’m sorry just

This is the only relationship I’ve ever had and the fact it ended so quickly and she didn’t even love me in the first place just fucking hurts! It makes me feel like this is the only relationship I’ll ever have had in my entire life!!!! Who would want to date an autistic man child with a small dick and severe emotional trauma and issues like me? I’m pathetic! Worthless! A burden!!! I constantly make everyone uncomfortable and feel like they need to help me!!!

Fuck it all fuck me im so fucking done I’m gonna watch some Nobody play Demon Souls fuxk this

[greensconnor]

i’m asking about your dragon age characters

molly i would KILL for u im ur personal hitman now

anyway i said my city now because the entire bioware writing team sucks shit xoxo and i’m so much smarter than all of them but also fully incapable of having a normal amount of ocs for anything (see: the time i made 20 rwby ocs in less than two weeks) so i have. five worldstates here r some assorted thoughts

uhhh so the worldstates r as follows

eira mahariel (two-handed berserk/champ spec), rhett hawke (two-handed berserk spec), alas lavellan (mage knight enchanter spec), romanced alistair/fenris/dorian respectively

shiv tabris (dual wield duelist/assassin spec), radella “rads” hawke (mage spirit healer spec), kat adaar (two-handed reaver spec), romanced morrigan/isabela/cassandra respectively because im a pc gamer and i think i should be able to date whatever video game woman i like because im infinitely better than cishet men

this world state said yeah i respect mens rights. mens rights to shut the fuck up

twins bronson (sword/shield reaver spec) & bryant cousland (archer ranger spec), carmine hawke (archer assassin spec), syracuse trevelyan (dual wield tempest spec), romanced zevran/anora/josephine/bull. if ur wondering how that works my city now and the warden, hawke and the inquisitor should all meet and so they do because i Said So

riva amell (mage arcane warrior/battlemage spec), graham “gray” hawke (mage force spec), hellathen “hela” lavellan (archer assassin spec); romanced cullen/anders and later blackwall because hawke only likes men who will break his heart. hela doesn’t have a romance because she’s literally 20. who let her lead the inquisition (me it was me). also it should be noted the version of cullen i have in my head only vaguely resembles actual cullen because i write better than dragon age writers ever could and i gave him an Actual Cohesive Narrative and he gets bullied relentlessly for being scrawnier than his mage boyfriend

malien “mal” surana (mage spirit healer/keeper spec), jules hawke (sword/shield reaver spec), ash adaar (mage rift spec), romanced leliana/merrill/krem because i should have been able to kiss krem and its a Crime that i am not allowed to

knight enchanter is a Very op specialization and by Very op i mean it makes a mage with their built-in low constitution stats able to solo the biggest baddest dragon in the game on nightmare mode in under five minutes so like. alas lavellan fist fights dragons for fun send tweet

i think lavellans should be able to hit ppl with bricks for all the shit they endure. thus solas gets pranked by mahariel and alas by which i mean they just tip buckets of water onto him from the rookery

kat might be my only competent inquisitor but she did also try to knock out the right hand of the divine and attempt to gap even tho there’s fucky magic burning up her hand so does she have a brain cell? you decide

also its fantasy land and i do what i want so kat has blue/gold sectoral heterochromia

gray “mage rights” hawke is best friends with fenris which surprises literally everyone. their friendship started because they got into a fist fight and then they were like okay i respect u now. hawke is like hey fenris give me ur sword i have a fun trick to show u [uses his sword as a foci to zap carver in the ass with lightning]

i am Always thinking abt like how cullen could have been one man anti-chantry propaganda machine if he hadn’t so blatantly been shoehorned into every game past origins so anyway bioware forgot about a wholeass moon i can write what i like. [holds up cullen by the scruff of his stupid armor] not only are you bisexual you are also a bottom

i also Hate the whole uwu mage haters get fixed by romancing a mage

unlocked secret dialogue option where my inquisitors verbally cuss out dorian’s dad instead of whatever sympathetic narrative the writers were going for cuz its bullshit.

riva is a showoff and a Menace about being as good as he is because he unabashedly loves being a mage and hes like oooh look at me im sexy i dont need to use my hands to cast magic because i’m just that good ;)) and you know what. hes right.

gray, on the other hand, does Not want to be mage. he wants to be a druffalo farmer and retire in the hinterlands and be left the fuck alone. unfortunately he is gay and has one brain cell and terrible, terrible taste in men. ribbed relentlessly for this by riva (altho does he have room to talk hes been hung up on cullen since he was like 13)

shiv is trans n kieran is the result of doing the dark ritual with her wife and he looks a Lot like shiv (dark skin pointed ears, shock-white hair) and morrigan always just Assumed she dyed it or did something magic with it so seeing their kid come out like that was a WEIRD time for her

leliana almost Murdered by cassandra in worldstate 5 because the warden is Actually There The Whole Time, but its been 10 years, mal’s cut off all her hair and gotten full facial tattoos and she’s like “no one will know its me its fine” and she’s right. she gets away with it. only cullen like, Knows, because he knew her before the blight but he doesnt have a death wish n he like. will Not piss her off

shes dalish by birth n she was stolen from her clan by templars and thus is vehemently anti-circle and anti-chantry in general

uhhh the vallaslin (elf face tattoos) of my 4 dalish characters are:

eira = ghilan’nain (chose em cuz shes rlly interested in the navigation aspect of the goddess)

alas = falon’din (god of the dead n he picked them because he’s Also the god of fortune and alas is like tee hee fun but also he can and will kill u if u fuck with him so yk its fitting)

hela = june (god of the craft bc she likes to Make things but june is also the god who taught the elves 2 hunt and hela is. a hunter.)

mal = elgar’nan (allfather/god of vengeance bc. she is Vengeful. she is Angry. but yk fucking with shem politics and fucking their divine is like. mal may have little a retribution. as a treat.) yes she has the full half-face solid colour tattoo she does NOT fuck around.

bronson and bryant r not genetically identical but they Look similar enough 2 anyone who doesn’t know them well enough 2 play spot the distance. anora and bronson think this is a super fun game to play, especially when nobles realize they’ve swapped out the king but they’re too nervous to say anything

eira mahariel has two hands. one is for holding hands with alistair and the other is for throttling elven gods, apparently. she’s killed one before so solas she’s coming for your bitch ass next. watch urself.

speaking of eira and alistair are married thru dalish tradition and humans don’t recognize it n alistair loves 2 re-propose to her with random things. he’ll just pick up like. a bit of cheese and be like “marry me ;)” and she’s like GASP but whatever will the chantry say!!!! all of their friends r sick of them

“vhenan if you love me bring me a sword” “you think i could do better than a sword made out of space rock?” “:)”

eira is my youngest hero at 18 at the start of her game and kat is my oldest at 32 at the start of her game.

none of my hawkes are under six foot. rhett is the tallest (6′8″) and rads is the shortest (6′2″).

syracuse trevelyan would have been the Perfect inquisitor if he were not a pretty boy himbo and a gay bastard who does Most Things just to spite his parents.

[corypheus pointing at syracuse’s visage in his crystal orb thingo] i want that twink obliterated

i love the companions from older games return thing i truly do so i make it a point for Every companion to return in inquisition so the gang rlly is all here because i am a Slutte for found family

i lie in my keep worldstates because i dont want to choose between hawke and alistair during here lies the abyss but i never make him king and every time i play inquisition and cole has the wicked grace line it makes me Scream. alistair baby im so sorry i did this to you but i didnt actually do this to you

yes this is my everyone lives au but like. all the time. i have never left hawke in the fade and i do not intend to.

fuck whatever nonsense about wardens not being able 2 have kids. by sheer divine power (me) anora and bryant have three daughters; eleanor, sabina & cecelia n both bronson and zevran make Excellent uncles because i think anora deserves good things because i’m tired of bioware being like women bad, actually,

so like most of the time i have the warden & hawke turning up after the move to skyhold n then staying on, with the exception of bryant, carmine & mal. mal is as mentioned previously just There the whole time with her girlfriend. bryant steps in as king of ferelden w/ interests in closing the big hole in the sky spewing demons in2 his kingdom yk. carmine shows up because she wants to help & she wants protection for bethany but she outright says she’d rather die than be inquisitor so cassandra is shit out of luck.

“CHANGE HER MIND VARRIC” “she once doubled down on insisting amaranth was a shade of blue because she didn’t want to admit to being wrong. no one’s changing her mind seeker”

alas is the middle child of eight and is thus very good with children and also bossing around people older than him. 2 of his older siblings come to the inquisition when stuff in wycome has been settled

i left ash with the basic canon background with Some variation (he grew up under the qun and left of his own free will when his magic was discovered n he realized he couldn’t take living as a saarebas

kat on the other hand was raised tal-vashoth and has bounced around basically all over thedas and leads her own merc company when the conclave blows up. she also speaks multiple languages. is there a language she doesn’t speak? probably not

just realized how long this got so im gonna like. stop my general rambling now but lmao yeah theres some basics. waves hands.

[howlitecritical]

New character arcs and new back story because canon sucks again

Main 4 cast with notes on characters that need notes for changes to make sense  Garnet: yesyesyesyesyeysyes everything good about this show. There’s not enough garnet centric things where she’s just herself and not about ruby and sapphire. More information on Garnet. Shes stoicly funny and just murders people with words sometimes. show her being rose’s top tactician. turning the tides of the war that were never in the crystal gem’s favor. maybe theres a fun earth thing shes into. Her room is the heart of the temple for a reason now. Its a balance between pearl and amethyst. The bubbles are organized, but she has her own side space with things she does as hobbies. She has a collection of antique books that she likes to read lava side and she often meditates to see corrupted gems and a future in which the CGs encounter them. maybe she even draws them out to combine ruby’s need to Do with sapphire's need to Know. Fusion is still very important to her, but not she has plot relevant interests that make sense with her character. Her character arc involves her being the first of her kind. shes something completely new! just like steven is. and for that not to bind them together is silly. She wants the best for steven and he makes her want to be an even better leader now that rose is gone and shes the only one left. she makes him think about his actions and slows down his hyper activity when he or amethyst are trying to do something reckless. From him she learns that it’s okay to let her guard down more. Homeworld might come back, but it’s not all on her shoulders. the CGs are a family and they’ll protect everyone together. Garnet in jailbreak is the first time we know shes a fusion and before that we get more about her character not just from environment around her, but her reactions to things. Maybe she feels like she needs to be in control because shes afraid that without rose, homeworld is more a danger than ever.

Amethyst: I like most of her progression actually!!! a few things I’d mess with is when she’s unnecessary hurtful to people she loves, like greg, when she shape shifted into rose, and peridot when she all but threw her stuff into the ocean. these things need to be gotten rid of, or addressed by the narrative. I’d also like to see her hanging around Vidalia wayyyyy sooner or to have a reason why they dont. As for reasons, maybe Amethyst did or said something hurtful toward her, lashing out at her for whatever reason that made their friendship strained. while a decade is a long time for a human, for a gem its nothing. so while she feels bad, Am’ isnt going to apologize herself!!! she didnt do anything wrong!!! and maybe Vidalia is the first person steven convinces her to apologize to. Steven teaches her compassion and is, in return, the gem he can relate to the best. He goes to her first with gem issues and she acts like an older sibling, trying to teach him or cover up mistakes so pearl and garnet dont find out. I think i’d like a progression of Am’ refusing to apologize to Vidalia, realizing that she was wrong and apologizing to greg, but he breaks down and can’t move past that, rendering their friendship difficult and strained as a “sometimes apologizing isnt enough and you have to change your behavior“ and then the third beat with peridot either not happening at all, where she doesnt throw someone’s comfort items into the ocean which, i think steven shouldve realized and stopped her from doing anyway, BUT if you just NEED that mistake on her part, i feel like this could be a “sometimes, you dont know how bad you hurt someone and you should apologize when you find out“ with peridot being hurt and not talking to her and amethyst has to do a big gesture to show shes sorry. I also feel like that fleshes out amedot as a ship and while i dont care about who peridot ends up with, i care about story and the way im going to make this story go, lapis will be in that fun moral grey area and i want more options in terms of story telling and of fan choice. Also!!! explore the possibility of her being deep cut and thats why shes a runt. she only looks smaller but has all these strengths because of it!!! it fits in really well and bismuth or peridot maybe because she was made for kindergardening, could tell her about it and watch her get excited because shes not ”wrong“ she never came out “wrong“ shes just different and thats okay!

Pearl: Was white diamond’s pearl, first of all! that makes every interaction more interesting, because no only did she defect from homeworld, but she defected from the Queen of homeworld and everything it stood for basically. We learn more about how homeworld operates and what places in society each gem fits from pearl, because while she doesn’t believe it herself, she isn’t kept from talking about diamonds now and what one she served. in this funky fresh au, she is sent by white to make sure the new diamond they’re cultivating from earth comes out properly (aka where the fuck did russia go) and getting her equipped with all of the technology she would need to properly rule. this is where she first meets a quartz soldier. at first she’s taken aback by the quartz’s forwardness, no one had ever talked to her like... an equal before. shes not sure if shes allowed to speak, though, she knows theyre waiting for a response. Their first interactions always begin with her requesting permission to speak. They have to wait a few more years for pink to emerge and while they’re there they slowly become friends as the life is leeched out of the area. we could have a snapshots of them waiting for together, rose getting bored and convincing pearl to come do things with her, slowly breaking her out of her shell. Pearl’s difficulty and character arc comes from not just rose and getting over her feelings, which is perfectly fine, but doesnt need to be her only trait, but finding out who she is now, not just after rose, but with humanity as a whole. with the war well and truly over. she wants to learn about what rose thought was so important to fight for, to die for, and because of that, we get her partaking in human activities that arent eating or drinking, because she still dislikes them. While Garnet reads and collects books, i think pearl being really into her weapons collection is a good idea to flesh her out more. Where did she get her swords from? Well thats a mystery. She mentions someone she cared about a long time ago made them for her and thus we get some fun bismuth foreshadowing.

Rose:  And rose..... god... we could of had it all by adele plays in the background anytime i think about her. Here we have a very beautiful fat woman. Shes framed as elegant and regal by the show time and time again and i LOVED that. however after the pink diamond reveal, I have such mixed feelings about her. No more diamond bullshit. Shes the first gem that popped out. Technically she’s too early and she goes to stand guard around the birthplace of her diamond. That is where she and pearl first meet. Pearl is the first gem she ever talks to and while she innately knows stuff about home world, shes pick up a lot from the humans that live nearby. theyve shown her kindness and given her furs to wear and in turn she helped them heal their wounded by crying on them. (yes she still has healing powers sue me) she loves the humans and takes to befriending them before pearl shows up. The two of them get close and after pink diamond pops out, rose realizes what the creation of gems truly means for the world around her. They’re killing what was here before them. This isn’t creation. It’s an invasion. Being the only quartz out so far, shes forced into the role of commander for pink. Her favored soldier. And the more she does what she was “made for” the more she hates it and the more she hates the diamond authority. she convinces pink that some humans are worth keeping. As a curiosity, my diamond. they could prove useful to terraforming other planets or moons to accept life and in time, gem cultivation.  She gets poofed while trying to save someone from the group of people she first made friends with. Maybe pink shatters whoever poofed her for not following her orders because of course Rose wouldnt defy her. rose is Loyal, unlike the rest of you lack luster garbage. Rose comes back with her iconic dress and shes here and queer and shes fucking Done with this shit. she hears about the shattering on her behalf and she goes to pink and asks why and she feels sick to her stomach because star, my diamond, she isnt Worth it. she isnt worth the cost of someone else’s whole Life!!! Oh rose... you’ve always been soft hearted. in this time, Pearl is quietly there. waiting to be called back by white as pink pearl has just been sent to take her place. And this is it. This is the moment rose decides to rebel. according to homeworld, her life should be no more than any other quartz. her life shouldnt be traded for that of others. So why? Why did pink do this? Do the gems in her court mean nothing to her? This is the first time a gem has ever summoned two weapons. A Sword and Shield. A knight turning on her master. She tried to attack pink. to poof her. to send a message right here and now that gems are all equal. that a lowly rose quartz is strong enough to take on a diamond! She fails, but only partly. she manages to strike a blow, but pink stays in tact long enough to strike on of her own, sending rose retreating into her gem. This is when pearl has to make a choice. No matter what she’d be shattered. Pink’s wrath when she reforms, white’s when she finds out about what happened. This is a death sentence. But if its a death sentence, its one she’ll choose for herself. she takes rose’s shield and uses the face of it to shatter pink herself, scooping up rose’s gem and getting as far away as fast as she can. This is the start of a war.

Steven: Oh boi. So i love steven, but theres moments where hes just... not good and the story doesnt stop him from doing that. So if were gonna say hes a kid with emotion based powers, we know hes soft and sweet and excitable. sometimes he pushes people too far because hes trying to do what he thinks is best. I want him to wrestle with the fact that his mom, this person everyone says is good, killed someone. she did something so horrible and she never killed anyone again, but she still did it once. I’d like him to get bits and pieces of his mothers memories and so we get to see the world and flashback things that happened in real time. Maybe he tries to talk to pearl about it, but she still wont instead of cant. He feels like an outcast and everyone would rather his mom be there, but they have him instead. basically a lot of his earlier character arc stuff before garnet and pearl talk to him about how homeworld was. They dont think hes old enough to hear about war, but it seems war is coming back and hes unprepared to face it without learning more. he facilitates more interactions with the townies and now its not just a war of gems against gems, they have humans on their side too and they’ll win!  

[anastasiaskarsgard]

so theres my masterlist for previous chapters. Here is the newest part of 

HIS QUEEN

4

NSFW 18 + mention of death, butchering, sex, some stuff that may freak ya out. its Roman Godfrey 

DESCRIPTION***** Briana could tell Roman Godfrey was trouble from the start, but he eventually got under her skin and broke her heart. Just when she feels like she’s moved on, his lawyers show up and tell her shes his sole beneficiary. with pryce and the board dead too, what serets does the white tower hold?

                                                         4 The reality of the shit show that apparently had gone down in the past month in Hemlock Grove,  was starting to sink in as they made their way down to the underground levels. The Godfrey Institute without any Godfreys', and no Dr Pryce, seemed an impossibility. Bri had a lot of respect for the late doctor, but the man was ruthless, with little to no sympathy for the dead. A lot of people said they were afraid of him, but she felt that wasn't the proper emotion dr pryce inspired. Fear wasn't the right word if she were honest. He was charming and charismatic, but it was all superficial. Uneasy was the best way to describe how he made her feel, even though she had counted him as a friend.

The doors opened to Basement three which was the lowest level of the underground floors, and was essentially an enormous freezer. When you stepped out of the elevators there was a great hallway stretching to your left and right, as well as straight ahead. There were five aisles of freezers, each varying levels of cold storage from near freezing temperatures for keeping medications and organs, freezing temps for cadavers of people and animals, all the way down to a cryogenic freezer cooled with pure liquid helium. The fact it even existed was mind boggling to Bri.

This wasn't the first time she had been down there. she'd been down there several times, but she never had turned right, so when Blitzkey turned right and proceeded all the way down to the furthest aisle, she was elated. She'd never been allowed to go right, and she'd always been curious what was so forbidden, especially when she thought about the crazy things she'd been allowed to see.

Dr Pryce had some deal with a few hospitals to get the bodies that are given up for science by family members, or those that were never claimed. It was actually shocking the amount of cadavers they processed and were used in Dr Pryces' controversial macabre experiments. Bri often wondered if the families of these corpses would be mortified if they discovered what had happened to them. She couldn't refer to them as loved ones, or even people or she felt sick.

She had to figure that out after a few times dealing with "processing." She'd always been very respectful of the dead. Handling them with extra care and consideration, because they had once had hopes and dreams. They had family and friends somewhere that were most likely mourning them, the least she could do, was be reverent. Since the bodies they received weren't ever going to be seen again, and there was little to no accountability with how they were treated, they would be hacked to pieces like a cow in a  butcher shop. Sometimes they might only need a certain part, and send the rest through the shredder. There'd also been more than one occasion where the deceased was obviously murdered but showed no signs of an autopsy. That was what had lead Bri to discover Romans secret.

From the first day she met Roman, she had known there was something about him that wasn't human. She was thinking it was a severe personality disorder like psychopathy or he was one of those people that had special genes that made them have  super powers. She had read that some people only require two or three hours of sleep a night, or there are people that have unbreakable bones, or even those that have super hearing or eyesight. She thought Roman was super attractive, and it just fucked up his personality somehow.

       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dr Pryce had mysteriously received a body quite late in the day, and asked her and a lab teh to take it down. Bri was shocked when she touched the person and they were still warm, but she rolled the body to the elevators, keeping an eye out to avoid Roman. She'd asked her partner to warn her if she spotted him so she could hide. She felt ridiculous, but she knew he was trouble, because for whatever reason if he wanted to talk to her, she couldn't say no. even when he asked her out, over and over and she said no, for some reason, she couldn't walk away until he had given up. her partner spotted him when they got down to the freezers, so in Bri's panic, she hid on the shelf under the bed they were rolling, hidden by the hanging sheet. Roman walked right up and offered to take the body from there. Bri found it entirely unusual for the spoiled CEO to be so helpful, but was reassured business was as usual when her partner tried to refuse, and he called her a fuckwit and made her go back upstairs. Bri wasn't freaked out, but more annoyed with what an asshole he had been, but she figured she would just climb out from under there, when he left.

When he rolled the body in the freezer, she assumed he would leave, except he didnt. He closed the door and removed the sheet, now leaving her totally visible if he were to step away and look below.  She was trying to think of a reasonable explanation, when she heard a grotesque chomping, wet slurping sound. The possible causes of these sounds raced through her brain, and none of them made any sense. Her fear melted away, transforming into morbid curiosity so she crawled out from under the bed and turned to see what he was up to.

The breath in her lungs hitched and her stomach did back flips when she beheld Roman Godfrey, the Beautiful Boy Billionaire sucking someones blood. His eyes were closed, so he hadn't noticed her yet, as he was clamped down on this persons neck and sucking the blood out. It was the most puzzling amazing thing she had ever seen. He was absolutely drinking this persons blood and she had so many questions.

Romans bright green eyes lazily opened, before noticing a figure standing in front of him, causing him to leap back in complete panic;  eyes wild, blood dripping down his chin, frantically back peddalling until slamming into the far wall.

Bri glanced at the body and then carefully approached Roman, avoiding looking in his eyes since she read that you don't do that to predators. And there was something funny about what happened when he wanted her to do something.

"Its not what it looks like," he whined.

"Oh Roman, it's exactly what it looks like. Are you a vampire?"

"Are you a fucktard? There's no such thing as vampires."

"I did notice that you ate raw pork once and you didn't get ill. I found that strange. All the meat you eat is raw, and I wondered how you never appeared to fall ill."

"Look me in the eye Bri."

"oh no no Dracula. I finally get how you somehow talk me into shit that I don't want to do! You have that vampire razzle dazzle bullshit."

"are you hearing yourself right now?" Roman scoffed as he walked over to Bri,

She tried to appear confident and was surprised that she felt no fear, but somehow she KNEW he would not hurt her. He put his finger under her chin, attempting to make her look at him, but she shut her eyes. "Just answer some of my questions Roman. for science for fuck's sake!"

"You are so weird. Aren't you afraid I'll eat you if I am a vampire?" he spit with such venom, that Bri just started swinging, with her eyes shut. "what the hell? your eyes aren't even open!"

"I don't like your bitch ass tone!" she steamed

If she had had her eyes open, she would of seen the big grin on Roman's face.

"How are you still a brat? Most people would be having a fucking shit fit, but you wanna play twenty questions."

"Oh my fucking god, I get twenty!? Ok ok ok. I'm ready!"

"I don't mean literally twenty questions, that's an expression. Why should I answer any questions for you, what do I get out of it?"

"I will go out with you, but you have to promise to be honest or I will be able to tell and I'll never speak to you again."

"What makes you think you'll even leave this room if I'm a vampire and now you know?'

Bri opened her big beautiful eyes, looking deep into Romans emerald orbs and said with complete conviction "You'd never hurt me."

Roman was so enchanted by the way she seemed to be looking at his very soul, that he forgot to try and compel her, before she remembered to close her eyes again.

"OOOOHHH! You almost got me with the mind ninja shit!"

Roman laughed and shook his head, he was so drawn to this woman, she was almost like a drug to him. He'd never wanted someone or something as bad as he wanted her so he threw caution to the wind. "Ok. First question."

"Are you some sort of vampire?"

"I'm actually an Upir which is like a vampire."

"ok, two, How can you walk in the sun?"

"The sun doesn't bother us, I think thats just bullshit."

"three. How old are you really?"

"I'm really eighteen."

"Four. Are you going to get old and die like me?"

"No. We live a very long time?"

"Five. How did you become this?"

"I was born with it and I took my own life?"

Bri frowned, she hadn't been expecting that. It turned her stomach and made her want to comfort him. She reached out blindly trying to find him but he moved just out of reach. "Dammit Roman where are you?"

"Im right here, what are you doing?"

"trying to comfort you, What does it look like? Give me your hand." she huffed.

Roman complied and interlaced his fngers with hers.

"Ok. Six--"

"you mean eight."

"What?How?"

"there's eight and nine. six you asked where i was. seven you asked what does it look like. eight you asked what, and nine you asked how."

"you are fucking impossible. I can feel you smirking too so stop it.' she said squeezing his hand as hard as she could.

"you're so cute when you're mad babe."

"Ok ten! Did you know killing yourself was gong to turn you into this?"

"No."

"Eleven.... Why would you ever do that Roman?"

"I felt like it was the only way to beat my mother. She wanted me to do the unthinkable, so rather than listen to her, I thought I'd fuck up her plans and die."

"Is she an Upir?"

"She is."

"Thirteen. I gotta keep track here. Did you know she was one?"

"No i Did not."

"How am I already at fourteen? FUCK!"

"Number fifteen..."

"Dammit! Ugh. OK only five more. Must not be dumb ok. Fifteen. Have you ever killed anyone?"

"yes."

"Did bitch have it coming?"

Roman let out a belly laugh and said "Yes always."

Bri Smiled. "If I open my eyes, are you going to mind ninja me?" silence. "Roman if i have to repeat the question, it still only counts as one."

"I mean I have to Bri. I cant have you knowing this about me and then just act like its ok. And you're right, I won't hurt you so I have to make you forget."

"Please don't Roman." She said pulling Roman into an embrace. "I want to kiss you, but you have blood on your face."

"You are the weirdest fucking girl in the entire world."

Bri Giggled, "Why? And holy shit its cold!"

"Ok this is number eighteen. Because I have had lunch with you a million times, bought you a bunch of gifts, wrote you notes, listen to you talk about shit I do not give a flying fuck about and even be nice to people, i mean i literally did for you what i didnt think i could do, and you won't give me the time of day, but all of a sudden I am literally eating someone and you wanna kiss me. Fucking unbelievable!"

"Its because I feel like I can trust you now. Why didnt you just mind ninja me into going out with you or maybe even fucking you, I dont know the limits of this power."

"Because I want it to be genuine and i want you to remember it cuz i want you to..." silence.

"You want me to....." Bri whispered feeling his hot breath on her face. She looks up into hs big green eyes, and notice the extra moisture there. Its downright comical, that he somehow looks vulnerable with blood all over his face.

"I want you to love me."

"This is all you're fault Roman Godfrey!

"Whats my fault?' He brought his lips close to hers, as his breath ghosted along her lips, causing the shivers to run down her spine. She leaned forward and their lips met, making her feel relief and revulsion simultaneously. Roman responds with a low growl and turns his head to take the kiss deeper. He sucks on her lower lip, causing a needy moan to escape Bri as she rakes her hands through his hair. Roman grabs her by her shoulders and spins her around so now she is pinned against the wall. He kisses along her jawline, to her ear and she can't help but to hold her breath when she feels his wet tongue drag down her throat. He pulls her shirt down taking her nipple in his mouth as he looks up at her and she can't think of a time she ever wanted someone more. "This is dangerous."

"You'd never hurt me. But real talk, I'm fucking freezing."

With a great amount of effort, Roman pulls himself off of her out of breath, and nearly mad with need. "Go straight to my office. I'll meet you up there."

She runs for the door, realizing she is violently shaking without Romans warm body pressed up against her. She opens it, looking outside to make sure no one is in the hall. Coast is clear for her to hustle into the bathroom, just as she hears the elevator doors open. She looks in the mirror and surprisingly is fine with her reflection. Blood is all over her face, neck, and blouse and her hair looks like someone took it half apart. She had his large handprint on her arms and the entire side of her head. She knows this should be freaking her out, but she keeps looking at his bloody hand prints, and decides then and there, she is his.

                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She realized she had been holding her breath when she walked in the cooler, and startled Blitzky when she finally expelled it. Roman hadnt been put away, and was on a stainless steel table, completely nude, with what appeared to be his heart (or what was left of it) on the table next to his head. His throat had been ripped open and there was a large chest wound where his heart had been ripped out, before being chewed and spit out. He had suffered some type of skeletal breaks as well, since his position appeared unnatural.

He was really dead, she was alone. she could feel the tears streaming down her face, making no effort to hide it. Every second feels as though she's losing touch with reality. Pure panic setting in.

"Wow this is really not fixable is it?' she shrieks, in a voice she doesn't even recognize.

"There's actually something else we could try that not exactly ethical, and i"m not sure that he will still be himself, but will not judge you, no matter what you try. I will assist you, I just can't make the decision." Blitzky said, hands visibly shaking like a dog shitting peach pits.

Bri's heart flutters and she calms instantly, hope reignited in her "Anything."

" Well I am sure you are aware there are three levels to the basement."

"Obviously."

"Except its not. there's four levels."

"What is he hiding down there?"

Blitzkey looked like he was having a minor panic attack and couldn't hold still or catch his breath. Bri walked over comforting him, and rubbing his back trying to get him to get it under control. she allowed him to embrace her as she tenderly rubbed his back. She wanted to know what the fuck was down there, but he had been through a lot, so she tried to be as empathetic as possible.

"Its his stock." he whispered.

Bri felt her stomach twist in a knot. A chill ran up her spine, and she wanted to believe he wasn't talking about live donors, but she couldn't think any other type of stock that required top secret secret locations.

"When you say stock, do you mean donor parts or experimental projects?"

Blitzky laughed uncomfortably, reaching up and itching the back of his neck. In the time she had spent with him before, she recognized it as his nervous tick. "I mean donors are the best way to put it, although all these donors are still alive. Dr Pryce liked to have live subjects for some projects. He was also very interested in becoming an Upir himself so he'd never die and was determined to figure out how to turn a human. He has several of them down there still and i have no idea what to do with them now. They're all criminals and not the types to let out into the world. He made sure they were all loathsome beings. The humans are easier to deal with than the Upir. One of them looks like he's just a beautiful teen boy, but hes a psychopath that's killed hundreds if not thousands. Let me just show you. I'm rambling," "Please do." Bri said, gesturing for him to lead the way. She couldn't believe how calm she was being over this. Why was she not surprised? "Do you think we could rebuild Roman?"

Blitzkey motioned for her to follow him as they walked all the way ro the farthest right corner, where the cryogenic freezer was. I had heard there was one somewhere in the building, but it was kind of a myth no one saw and here it was. I was trying to ascertain how the liquid helium was cycled through the system, when Blitzkey typed a code in it, revealing it was in reality an elevator in disguise.

"That's kind of disappointing. I thought it was a real cryo cooler." Bri said. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine! Are you ok?"

"I'll let you know when we get down there."

[xanthicantag]

alright bro im gonna do all the ask so. U Know You're Doin Em Too

Hot read more since there’s so maaaaaany

1. if you were to have Hanahaki disease, what flowers would you cough up?

I feel like this is entirely based on who i’m feeling the one sided love for? (I googled  Hanahaki disease and i’m all about that shit no doubt there)  But like, maybe daffodils? 

2. if someone were to catch Hanahaki disease for you, what flowers would they cough up?

Uh Roses motherfucker, you’re welcome

3. if you were any historic trope, what would you be? (i.e., the knight, the town baker, the witch of the forest, etd.)

Ok so like on the one hand I love lances, so fucking much, so I’m like big into Knights for that and like protecting people (and/or a beautiful prince cause like, you know), but I also really love the idea of just being like, a traveling fighter of some kind, leading a troupe of loveable idiots or being in a troupe as a loveable idiot.  I want to be Iron Bull is what I’m trying to say I guess????? or like, Krem? who knows

4. tell us about your ideal battle outfit.

Ok so I’m torn again.  Cause protection and ease of movement are super important, so like a breastplate and some kind of back protection, maybe a shield?  or maybe a sick gauntlet arm like Ike from Fire Emblem cause he knows what’s up, and then some minor leg armor to keep the front of my thighs and calves safe and like a shield since those fuck am I right??  On the other hand: If you look like a Thot, the enemy is distracted and an easy target.  I’m talking chainmail crop top, plate armor booty shorts, stupid looking heel shoes(?) for maximum thot energy, and of course a whip, either that i use or just have for the thot energy.

5. what would you be a god/goddess of and what would people sacrifice to you?

I think like, a minor deity that helps people make small to mediumish choices (i.e. talk the left or right path, call or don’t call this person), and then like, a cute little charm that people just kinda crush or burn before asking about the choice feels good, feels organic.

6. name five iconic quotes that make you feel things.

Now, I don’t know a lot of quote to be honest, but here’s some paraphrased stuff:

“Now that larping exists dnd is like, not the least cool thing to do”- Travis McElroy

“Yeah I have a pickle allergy, what about it *Pickle eating sounds*” -Me, often

“I fucked your dad” -Me during a quiplash game?  And often yeah I’ll admit this

I don’t remember what’s said, but the scene in the Count of Monte Cristo where he just shows off all his sick skills to be like “Yeah I’ll murder the fuck out of your homeboy if he tries to step up to me”.

“All Magicians are inherently inclined to kill” -That unraveled about Megaman robots who get sentience

7. scythe, battle axe, broad sword, spear or trident?

Ok so like, Scythe for formal occasions/when I want to just look good cause I think their a sexy as hell weapon, at me if you want to be I know I’m right.  Battle Axes are cool and like, really useful during a siege since you can easily bust stuff down with it and it lets you cut spears in half so you look dope as hell, like, Hector of Ostia if you’re out there, yes you’re correct.   Broad Swords are like, just in general really good, you can use it in a duel, a battle, a coronation, magic rituals if you’re really feeling fancy, the list is just endless, a real classic all purpose weapon.  Spears are for fucking losers, fuck you if you use a spear sword fight me like a fucking real fighter or get out of here none of this reach bullshit.  Tridents are like spears but just, inherently sexier?  You know?  Like 1 point is stupid and boring, but 3?  that’s some good shit.  But really fuck all these weapons whips are lances are where it’s at yes feel free to at me again.

8. what combination of natural scents would you use as perfume?

Now this i have like, actually no idea for, but like, just tons of flowers.  I just take like a fistful of flowers and rub them on my face.  

9. ancient scrolls or leather-bound books?

Oh you know I’m about that leather-bound book life!  Fuck A scroll, that is just a piece of paper that is going to tear and be illegible in like 5 years.  A nice bound book though?  *Chefs kiss*

10. describe yourself as if you were a storm.

A summer rain.  It comes in quickly and is gone by the turn of the hour.  A brief respite during the dry season, and gone before it can become a disaster. 

11. what type of flower (other than a rose) would you offer someone you were trying to court?

First of all op, get the fuck off my back Roses or nothing.  Secondly a big sunflower.

12. honey in milk or cinnamon in tea?

Um, neither??????????????????

13. cabin in the woods, apartment in the city or mansion in the suburbs?

Honestly an apartment in the city would be nice but like, living in the woods is the prime chance to be a local mystery.

14. curtains of beads or lace?

Probably lace?  Do beads block light?

15. vocal or instrumental music?

I am a big fan of instrumental

16. describe your ideal fantasy outfit

Step one, big cape, it doesn’t touch the ground while on my shoulders but goes about mid calf.  Step two, leather armor, it’s light and easy to move in, and provides good protection.  Step three, Mask, nothing like flashy, just a plain black mask, preferably a full mask if i’ve got some magic to see with not my eyes, other wise like a typical masquerade mask

17. of all the fantasy races to ever exist, which one would you be?

Fuck.  This is so hard.  I want to be, so many.  No you know what, fuck it.  I wanna be a Dragonborn Tiefling hybrid, I’m talking cool horns, I’m talking sweet tail, you already know I can spit literal fire out of my face.  Fucking try and get at me I dare you.

18. hard candy, fruit preserves or spice cake?

I love hard candy to just suck on, but my teeth do not.

19. show us an a picture of your ideal crown.

if you don’t think this crown fucks, get out of my face

20. tying your hair up using ribbon, yay or nay?

I’ve had my hair long enough for that like once, and I don’t really like tying my hair up tbh

21. an evening in the forest with elves, a night in the caves with vampires or a morning in the garden with fae?

Um.  Bold of you to say I’m not hitting up all these parties???  Like def vampires first since the elven party is advertised to go for like 5 hours, but we all know it goes on for like 4 months and I can’t party that long as a mortal you know.  And like you hit the fae up last since you literally are gonna be stuck there the rest of your life after one (1) round of truth or dare

22. tell us, in detail, about a curse a witch would put on you.

Like, in all honesty the biggest thing a witch could do to me via curse would just be to make my right arm like full unusable.  Not gone or broken.  Just like, it’s slow, I can’t always get it to fully hold onto something so it drops everything, there’s always a small feeling of discomfort, not pain just a minor annoyance, in the knuckles of the hand.

23. talking with sylphs or singing with nymphs?

I get kicked out of the nymph singing area after four seconds of

24. mint, rosemary, basil or sage?

I fucking go wild for the smell of basil don’t even try me

25. favorite childhood story? (doesn’t have to be a fairy tale)

I remembered Inkheart recently and like, I honestly really liked that book

26. tell us about an experience you’ve had that seemed unreal or supernatural. (doesn’t have to be scary)

Sophomore year of college, I realized that all the people around me were people I actually enjoyed spending time with, and it just felt so weird to be there after all the just nonsense that had happened up till then

27. would you rather have poison or healing ointment in your traveling pack?

healing duh?  You think I’d ever remember i have the poison one? nope not me!

28. tell us three sayings that you live by.

Try and be a little nicer, unless they really don’t deserve it.  Walk away sometimes.  Eat food and don’t think about it.

29. vials or mason jars?

Oh get me those vials baby!

30. describe your ideal masquerade ball outfit (mask included).

OH HELL YES.  Get me that suit, it’s a sweet dark red with rose colored vest underneath, the jacket and pants have flower vines on them that 100% connect to a big ass rose on the back of the jacket.  The mask is more or less this guy:

31. splashing around in a river with mermaids or flying through the sky with harpies?

I can literally swim any day so let’s fly

32. what would you end up in the dungeon for?

Ok i didn’t understand this one at first so I’m keeping my initial reply below and the real one is: You know I beat some like high ranking knight or minor noble in a duel to humiliate them and no i didn’t think it through so here i am lol.

3 things: A talking magic weapon (Probably a sword but i’m down for other options).  A certain someone is going in and I’m not letting him go in without someone to keep him safe.  There’s dragon eggs that work like the Eragon dragon eggs and I am already waist deep in dead enemies getting one of those babies.

33. if you were a fairy, what color would your wings be?

Take a wild fucking guess

34. if you could have any magical item, what would it be?

God this is so hard, but I think a magic flower that when you pluck one if its petals you can undo a recent event, up to like ten minutes or so.

35. what song would the bards sing about you when you passed by?

I’ll say the Death of Me by Meg Myers

36. would you rather be a pirate or a king/queen?

God that’s hard,  Like yeah pirates are cool but i’d love to be royalty and just get to do good shit for the people and also not have scurvy.

37. would you spend more time in the field of flowers, the tavern, the docks or the marketplace?

Hmmm, I think the Tavern as like the number 1, and then a tie for docks and field, and the marketplace in last since i hate crowded areas i need to buy things in

38. would you have a painting of yourself?

Only if I ever ride a dragon and then have a painting to immortalize the moment, and only if the dragon helps me paint it

39. what skill are you famous for?

I mean, people know I sword fight, fight fight, and program, so like, those?  and I guess my sick dnd skills

40. if you could live any fairy tale, which one would you?

Fuck if I can think of one!

41. stained glass windows or fairy lights?

Ok Stained glass windows literally slap so like, you already know

[batemanofficial]

i have to annotate the book of job for class and im noticing a lot of stuff that got conveniently left out when it was taught to me as a child! no idea why that would be! /s

religion/violence/cult tactics (information control) cw if you decide the read the bit under the cut jsyk (it's just me ranting about fundie bullshit)

just the act of studying the bible somewhat in-depth is like drinking ipecac so i can get the fundie koolaid outta my stomach bc HELLO everything in this story goes against everything my church said about god. like satan just says 'hey you gave this guy everything and if you fuck with it he's gonna be pissed' and god just goes 'well watch THIS' and MURDERS JOB'S ENTIRE FAMILY and I WAS NOT TOLD THAT THAT HAPPENED. at least not in those terms, and not with the neutrality with which it's actually presented in the text. all the education i got about god's tests of faith for abraham and job and all the others basically boiled down to 'well god wanted to make sure they loved him <3" and not the repeated threats of violence against families even though the targets didn't even do anything. it's basically the same principle as my mom getting mad at me and taking my phone away bc SHE had a bad day and decided to interpret my completely neutral tone of voice as 'having an attitude.' like tell me i'm wrong. they told me when i was eight years old to prepare myself for the day that a man would knock on my door with a gun and ask me if i believed in jesus, and that he'd shoot me if i said yes, and i was told to say yes anyway and die right there on the front step because that's what brings glory to god. i'm sorry, but why the hell does god need me to give up my life for a yes or no question? would i go to hell if i said no? if god is all good, then why does he feel the need to wreck people's lives just to prove a point? if god is all knowing, then why does he test people? shouldn't he know that their faith is true, that the test will play out exactly as he thinks because he's fucking OMNISCIENT? i'm sorry but was me being stalked and genuinely afraid for my life "a test of faith?" was me almost dying on the operating table "a test of faith" for my family? i've heard so many fundie freaks talk about how birth defects are a reflection of the parents' wavering faith and i just ??? like i had a birth defect that kinda fucked up my life in a MAJOR FUCKING WAY but that's not because of anything my parents did and the implications there make me so sick. i'm not isaac my parents aren't abraham i am a person with a life and a soul and i'm terrified to even think the thoughts i'm typing right now because they've still got their claws hooked into me no matter how far i run. i got it beat into my head over and over and over and over and over that if i ever questioned any of it that i literally had the actual literal devil in me and i was going to corrupt the Good People and i'd burn in hell forever. it was hard enough realizing i'm gay and that i'll never be good enough for them and i know i shouldn't care but so much of me is still so scared that god's going to make an example out of me by punishing me for things i can't control. i'm all for religious freedom but if your religion creates people who are so afraid of the man in the sky deciding at any moment they're not good enough to continue living then please take a moment to consider why you've devoted your life to him

[obannthepunished]

uhhhhhh notes HURT WEEK im pains

"They call me eagle-eye fjord where i come from." "maybe raven. i dont know." that theory about Fjord being the Hawker is suspicious rn (Apparently theres a third i missed whoops) sam apparently similar thoughts maybe bc Nott brings it up

Jester finally teaching kiri basic phrases, like "go fuck yourself"

Beau + Fjord taking first watch

Caleb checking out the dodecahedron

(Unrelated odd point: i have a current dislike/distrust for liam, which is bullshit bc... i love liam. and caleb and vax. but apparently smt is wrong.)

Dodecahedron is Very Old, and has been shaped/polished Cay uses the haversack as a pillow

BEAU/FJORD Beau: "I think I messed up. I think I should apologise." I HURT? Oh beauregard. oh marisha. "i wanna try, I guess" F: I think he deserves that. He's been good to us. i regret not writing fic now 8(

"OOH, terrible" "YEP." "five" "five" (collective "ooh")

Nott + Jes second. they roll not great.

Tinkle tinkle "nnhnohfishnott"

Kiri is poofed up asleep aAW

trident goin for FRUMPKIN NOOO (pause whilst they look for range on dismissal)

Kiri wakes up "Go fuck yourself :("

Theyre waiting for fish head they could just reappear Frumpkin tho...

Jester is sacred flaming, Molly has a sword active + stabs, Caleb fire bolt, Nott fires an arrow, Fjord eldritch blast, Yasha stabby

Molly + Nott + Caleb miss Fjord hits, Beau hits, Yasha hits dunno bout jes

frumpkin poofs back but doesn't see anything else.

???? alarm lasts 8 hours, not until triggered yall it should still be up. they need to look up the spells smh

Nott messaging to tell yash to hide the bodies

LAst watch is Yash and Caleb i need to stop shortening names

Caleb asks Yasha for people advice :') He's writing it down... i love him Yashas advice is basically "Fucking Bathe" And cay confirms he keeps himself gross because people ignore him more that way 8( Baby

C: "Do you know what i miss? shaving." Y: "I could shave you right now with my sword. I've done it before, you know, to... not have hair on my arms-" Omg shes doing it omg theyre doing it omg I DONT HAVE TO DRAW FACIAL HAIR IN MY FANART ANY MORE FUCK <3333

cay forgets he has a dagger jesus fucking christ

i love everyone making comments + taliesins just amazed like, borderline heart eye emoji look at this whole scenario

M: (to Caleb) "Well done, she [yasha] likes you!"

Nott is Not Happy About Water N: I'LL STAY WITH KIRI everyone else: Convincing her to come N: I'll stay with kiri, and if there's any trouble... we'll see what happens

Fjord goes first, he sees, with his 60ft darkvision, architeture of room. mistly natural, some bits not.

Fjord botches his stealth roll but matt botches his perception even worse. and my thing crashed im so mad.

Fjord is Not a good swimmer. hes like. 30ft swimming speed. Things being left: Caleb's books (2) Molly's coat

travis willingham going "kiris gotta die" then dragging everyone who gasped through the dirt

beau gets fucking 37 on her stealth check Matt: "That's some vax numbers right there!"

The visual aid is... so extra. lights. smoke. what the fuck matthew. (note: when ur best friend is called matthew this is a phrase you say too much)

Surprise round for erryone but Molly and Yasha (purrsonally, i think they were too busy talking abt how beautiful cay is now ;3c)

everyone rolled shite for initiative tho

Caleb casting haste on molly O:

Fjord is very very adept at everything

everyone on crit role can do maths better than me 8(

the marrow fuck beau and fjord royally

watching call lightning forming + marishas face as she slowly realises :)

jes gets the first hdywtdt + crushes a fish with a lollipop

Caleb is taking blind potshots with the glove of blasting boyy. One even hits!

moll gets 3 attacks i love my beautiful devil child

N: Are you guys alive and do you need anything? you can reply to this message~ C: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK N: oh,, alright.

Taliesin's relief when ashley actually hits is very good.

Beau goes down! D:

hi unrelated taliesin sticking his tongue out at sam fills me with indescribable joy

NEW: Horny twink gets double penetrated by feisty wet ones.

... which is to say two fish dudes stab molly.

Jes heals Beau, but we all know fine fucking well if she hadn't, Yasha would have done it on her next turn. still might since she's only on 11

Cay using dispel magic O:

Molly gets the second hdywtdt "I'm literally just a windmill at this point"

FJORD gets the third F: "I see Molly loojin' around, give him a little wink-" (murders) M: Fucking arsehole F: (witty comment) PEACE OUT (blinks out again)

"Sevens are scary" - Taliesin

Yash gets the next hdywtdt Xorhasian Neck Tie Jesus christ

I was right tho Yasha was seriously considering healing beau, it just takes her action

Two more fishfucks 8(

More call lightning

Sams flask says "lost my best friend over a bowl" and that hurtie

caleb is boutta die. Yasha is boutta die first lmao oh no. i love taliesin jaffe an inhuman amount. Yash gets pulled OVER beau and marisha makes like grabby hand motions which is VERY cute

ok NOW caleb boutta die. he Shield's, and then fragments "Caleb will remember this"

Beau looks at Yasha, looks at Caleb, and goes to CALEB (sobs) blasts a ki point and everything

Molly gets a nat 20 oh he's such a babe

Nott spending her turn justifying herself to Kiri

Fjord blinks back in and fucks up ANOTHER fishfuck

Yasha casting healing hands on HERSELF good.

"You dont have a printout of your character sheet????" "Oh yeah I do after you asked me nine times" liam wh

both yash and caleb are at ONE hp

B, spening her last ki point: HEYCALEBWESHOULDTALKLATER

Beau gets the HDYWTDT tho

Molly is Very Sick from losing haste

Caleb goes the fuck down Fails his first save

everytime tal says "im gonna try something weird"  i heart eyes emoji shame he cant do jack fuck though

Nott Burning Bolt shoots the fishfuck for 24 damage jeeeeez doesnt die but drops lightning

Fjord: (appears, fails, disappears)

if Caleb permadeaths i WILL cry

PLEASE YASHA PLEASE GOD JESTER PLEASE THEY KILL IT IM CRYING SO HARD no like literally i am actually crying bc matt very deliberately did that so that he didnt kill Caleb

Jester uses her pearl of power to regain a slot, and use it to cast prayer of healing for SHIT rolls.

Jester goes back to Kiri <333 baby. baby bird.

Matt mercer keeps using words ive only ever seen written and im ALWAYS ???? about their pronunciation

Fjord finds some L00t Like boxes and longswords and a pool of water with dozens of metallic objects mostly outlawed diety symols. changebringer moonweaver. others i forgot. stormlord. everlight. asmodeus ooh, bane strife emperor. and tiamat.

"a little black bird that's fluttering to try and get dry" fuck thats so damn cute. Marisha has the :D face

Calebs books are dry

wooden box + pool are magic. like. WITHIN.

Enchantment in the box. Molly collecting the moonweaver pieces

JESTER FINDS TWO SYMBOLS FOR THE TRAVELLER? HOLY SHIT Different make, pure silver one, burnished bronze another door arch with the road

Molly gets 12-13 symbols

Nott mage hands just so good even drunk

in the box is a blade, gold, jewel encrusted Molly shoves Nott aside to get it cause its a scimitar style

Caleb finds the arch-heart symbol? Takes one

Yasha takes 4 symbols for the storm god.

Bane/strife emperor symbol Fjord is curious about chained coffin he throws it into the pool. nothing happens.

JEster goes to pll it out and gets a big catseye yellow gem,  magical, but not a school of arcane magic. it has a line groove in it, very deliberate, an oval.

"something about that [orb] is very familiar"??? (Matt to Travis)

i was right about the orb being familiar

C: (abt the gold sword) This blade is called Summer's Dance C: "Mr. Mollymauk," M: "Mr. Caleb."

Blade allows user to cast Blink basically, and is stronk

official-europa replied to your post: uhhhhhh notes HURT WEEK im pains “They...

i think its probably misty step and not blink 

official-europa replied to your post: uhhhhhh notes HURT WEEK im pains “They...

on the sword i mean

caleb tries to ID the orb

fjord touches it "sky is moonlit + cloudless, clothes not your own, nor body, overcoat + human skin. thick calloused skin. left hand stone. look down, see body of previous owner, dead in blood. natural landmass seawater night. flash. right hand grasps falchion. voice booms. potential. jams the stone into gut, cCONSUME. vanishes into belly. looks into water. REWARD." "Vandrin."

i dont kn ow what the fuck is going on.??? everyone else sees this o shit

oh shit is the eye the symbol of Fjord's patron?

"he was my mentor, a captain of mine. a man named Vandrin." Y: What happened to Vandrin? F: I'm not sure. he captained the ship i worked on for many years, and their was an incident. an explosion, terrible weather, waves, "i was knocked overboard" when f woke up he was back on shore

"how did you survive" "I'm not entirely sure."

explosion was sabotage.

the pool is saltwater.

Molly shoves Fjord's head into the water

comes up "You okay???" "Do it again" "Tap three times when you're done!" Fjord drowns

they take as much as possible up and out and decide to dynamite everything in. dramatic exit..

They take the bodies down and lay them in the swamp to rest and decompose.

Beau tries to pull Caleb aside and he just stonewalls her until she actually apologises.

Caleb "I give beauregard a hug and say 'idont know what im doing. just. go with it." BEau very AWKWARDLY hugs him back Beau consulting Fjord, Caleb consulting Yasha The entire other side of the table clapping.

Beau: UH. GOOD TALK. FRIEND. (awkward silence) Beau: Seriously though. Friend? (pause) Caleb: Uh. Ja. (brb dying)

there is a single yellow eye on the hilt of the falchion.

episode END

[dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition]

tazchat: our god is an awesome god she reigns down and doesn’t really do anything much

The Adventure Zone: Balance (MaxFun) and LOST (ABC) are the exact same show.

—“oh yeah gimme 15 minutes” / “NO NO NO ABSOLUTELY NOT” —“griffin did you roll to see if hitting his head kills him” —GARYL: don’t talk to me —magnus confirmed big spoon but also. is he though. —“let this be a lesson, dad, if you don’t use your character voice, people DIE.” —CARPENTRY CHECK —am genuinely interested in the similarities in descriptions of istus and lucretia (and both of em have like weird shit vis-a-vis physical age) and i Just Think It’s Neat —merle highchurch pull god says “how you doin” to a literal actual goddess —I GOT RUSTIC HOSPITALITY RUNNING OUT OF MY ASS —“magnus is not religious but he’s very spiritual” / “taako’s unimpressed. gods can do magic, he can do magic, whatever.” —“allowing you to remember the loops” fuck off griffin mcelroy —TAAKO: UNCUT —“the three of you are only three of you that there are!” bitch... “all of it! the world, the plane, the planar system, the universe!” —“you’ve been serving as my agents for longer than you can even remember.” —ALMOST YOUR ENTIRE LIVES STOPPING POWERS THAT SHOULDN’T BE—this is some goddamn lost season six shit but i am. actually liking it here. it’s almost as if sometimes shows that don’t take themselves seriously are better —ok pause. re: lost, like, see, the thing is: istus’ role makes sense. jacob’s doesn’t. istus’ influence on the heroes is a retcon, yes, but it narratively makes sense. whereas jacob just like. picking these fuckers and not really doing anything with them. and there is a moral ambiguity to both of them! if istus has guided the birds, why did she let lucretia do what she did? why did she let lup run? why did she let raven’s roost burn, let barry and lucretia be alone for twelve years, let davenport... happen? istus isn’t a good person, she does her job. jacob is a man who we are supposed to believe is a good person, who abuses everyone around him.  —anyway tl;dr tazbal actually makes this plot impactful--both in the moment and especially in hindsight--whereas in lost, it seemed scribbled together to satisfy shithead bros on forums. —“really shitty things have happened to all—all three of us!” magnus. —RESHAPE CREATION IN THEIR IMAGE. i am walking over to austin and physically confronting him —“oh pan? i call him dan!” —MAGNUS HIGH FIVING ISTUS AS A RECURRING JOKE??? —“you know what it is [that you have to do]!” IM GONNA DIE —nine second orb :’) —Joaquin Bag —ISTUS: you technically made this bubble you better pop it —NAT20 SWAG ROLL —“you’re going to be amazing.”  the voice break sounds so fucking genuine too. i hate this show and i hate my emotions —“is there anything else you can edit? in our pasts?” i’m dying —Chance Lance —“if somebody [hypothetically] puts a big magical protective bubble [HYPOTHETICALLY] around themself you [H Y P O T H E T I C A L L Y] can’t pop that.” i’m already in austin —“i’ll climb down and pop the michael bublé” —lil popping noise :’) —oh wow a tmbg ref! i don’t think taz has too many of em weirdly? anyway. they call me dr worm —“may as well come on in.” —“only LOSERS smoke, isaak.” —“i know how the types of men you are. murderers, liars, bullies, robbers—“ / “i’m also a carpenter? i bake?” —“i never met the visitor personally.” / “he and we—we share a similar purpose,” bitch the visitor IS you. —“cut the bullshit and do good recklessly.” —“WEEEELL PARDNER WE’RE THAT UNDERCOVER KANSAS CITY LAW. PARDNER.” —“bUckaRooo.” —a wave of white light—not like a flashlight, a physical sense of light—comes pouring of the cup. —FLASHBACK 🏼 TIME 🏼 —i’m gonna be sick @ the flashback episode lol —“i’m the cup. i’m the temporal chalice, i guess, is what you call me?” lucretia renamed the chalice theory confirmed —i don’t remember being made. —before i was torn into seven parts—i was something incredible. —i do love that it’s the one non-mage of the birds who made the relic that fucked up the boys the most. and that it has the most personality, of all of the relics (i mean we can’t say shit about the staff but lbr)? bc the bell acted a lot like the stone. and just. huh. because griffin knew who made each of the relics at this point, i really just wanna learn the chalice lore!!! damn!!! if prompted i will literally just blabber on about the relics as they correspond to their creators like. Ask Me About My Magnus Divination Theories