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sxtvrns · 2 years ago

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duo of dreams

🎶 now playing: ordinary – nct dojaejung

P: Hueningkai x Fem!Idol!Reader

S: You were seductive. He was an angel. Two polar opposite concepts come together in ways no one would expect.

C: fluff, comfort, inaccuracy, self indulgence, girlboss reader, downbad hyuka, brainrot, drabbling, kinda long, not proofread

N: i am a baby moa so pls do not slander me if i dont get a millisecond of a certain stage performance correct. this is purely for self indulgence because i am so severely in love with kai and everything that he does. idek where this story went but im hoping it makes sense cuz i was so upset with the ending i changed it multiple times and this is the one i liked the most. this man is so fine and im glad im not the only one that thinks so

view the full perfume collection.

please interact if you enjoy!

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2021

The minute you turned 19, you knew what you wanted. Even before you turned 19, you knew what you were, and you knew what you wanted to make out of it. You were hot. Fierce, confident, and eye catching. Everyone knew it, too. You turned heads every time you went to the headquarters, seeing people stare at you out of the corner of your eye.

Before you were of age, though, you never openly exposed yourself in such a way. It was all a tough girl kind of concept. You tended to stay on the neutral, dark, concepts rather than cuter ones. If you were given an idea, you found a way to design it and stick it to your niche. You always preferred to do what you liked rather than being forced into a box with little room to do anything your way; it demotivated you.

As a solo artist, you had lots of creative freedom, being able to write your own songs and even nitpick at how you wanted them to sound. Sometimes you would just need a kickstart or a hint from another fellow producer to get the ideas flowing, and boy, did your mind flow with ideas.

Sometimes you were labeled as ‘provocative’ or ‘controversial’. Some even said you were acting too mature for your age. But it never hurts to get a head start.

When you weren’t music making, you often dabbled in modeling with your partnered companies or for magazines, really, any source of promotion. You felt even more confident while doing so as well, which further boosted your productivity in the studio. It all came full circle.

You tried to do what you like while also balancing music, and you managed to make it work. People looked up to you. Newer groups admired you, your stage presence, how you gave 100% in every single performance that you did, how you wouldn’t settle for anything less than perfect, how much effort you put into practicing.

You idolized your own fair share of groups as well. BTS, Blackpink, Twice; any group debuting for longer than you have, you admired. When you saw Suga crack a smile at your MAMA performance, you nearly broke character on stage, but held it in by letting your heart race and stopping your face from faltering. When Dahyun talked about you during one of her lives, saying you were cool and how she longed for confidence like yours, you nearly fainted on the spot.

You were still a growing girl with people you looked up to, inspired by everything that they do and how you could apply aspects from their performances to yours. You were truly committed to your craft.

You were invited onto a talk show, along with another group, whose name was not revealed to you. Off camera, you heard the footsteps of multiple people passing by, yet you didn’t know who since it was supposedly a surprise for both you and the other idols.

You adjust your mic, the cameras rolling and the MC and group introducing themselves. Though their voices together are loud, you can’t make out what they are saying, only adding more to the suspense. You’re suddenly given the cue by a staff member, walking out and seeing five men sitting together in their chairs with surprised expressions.

You’re equally as surprised, knowing you’ve seen their faces at previous award shows. “Tomorrow by Together?” You point at them, all of them jumping and freaking out at the fact you knew who they were. “Y/N, meet TXT!” The MC says, letting you sit in your chair as the boys calm down.

“Have you two met formally before?”

“I think once backstage, we were on Inkigayo together.” You answer, the event fully coming back to their memories as you mentioned it. “Do you remember our names?” Taehyun asks innocently, watching as your eyes scan over each of their faces before answering. You point at each respective member as you say their names. “Soobin. Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, Hueningkai.” They all cheer and applaud as you dramatically bow towards them and the camera.

“Is there something in particular you like about each other’s music?” The MC asks.

“TXT has a certain flow in their music that manages to get stuck in my head; No Rules and Frost have been playing on loop for the past few days since those are my favourites. And the rhythm and the way each song plays a role within a story is something I really like.”

They all nod, the MC turning their head towards the boy group. “Hueningkai should answer for us.” Yeonjun ushers, patting the maknae on the back. “Yeah, he has your music on 24/7. Nonstop.” Beomgyu adds, only making Kai even more shy.

“Well, Y/N has a really significant, gritty style to her music and a satisfying edge that balances out throughout her songs, so each song is different in its own way. She really pays attention to the role of each instrument in the background and how well they balance together, and her ballads are really well put together because of this. Of course, all of her songs are good, but her ballads stick out even more to me. They’re usually the ones I listen to the most.”

“He’s good.” You say, all of them laughing. “Frost is actually Hueningkai’s song.” Soobin adds. “Really?” The maknae nods, all redfaced and flustered. “That’s why it’s so good then. You did the laugh at the beginning?” He nods again. “I picked it up from you, a little bit.”

“That’s amazing. I loved it, it gave the song the whole like, badass vibe.” You say, immediately covering your mouth. “I’m sorry, I don’t know if I can say that.” They all laugh it off, going back to the topic at hand.

As the interview progresses, you slowly find yourself getting more comfortable with the boys in front of you, laughing and joking around as the questions go on and on. They treat you like a close friend though you’ve only known each other for an hour, and your heart is filled with a familiar warmth as you even fall out of your chair from laughing so hard.

You compose yourself before the interview ends, and when the cameras cut, it goes silent, all of TXT staring at you, and you staring back. Hueningkai is the first to break, everyone else following right after.

━━━━━

the way he looks at her

hyuka had hearts in his eyes the whole time i swear

Y/N ONE CHANCE PLEASE

she is literally slaying so hard and all she’s doing is sitting in her chair

id freak out too if i was in the presence of y/n

IDK IF I WANNA BE TXT OR Y/N

hueningkai finally formally meeting his celeb crush guys the character development is real

━━━━━

You lurked a lot on social media, having your own personal accounts and such. This also meant you saw all those comments about the tension between you and Hueningkai specifically. They weren’t wrong about it; in fact, there was something there between you two that you couldn’t determine.

It was like a chain operated by a crank that wanted to pull you two closer together. You felt yourself drawn to him, and he felt drawn to you, yet you didn’t know why.

“Hueningkai has the biggest crush on you. He has some of your posters hung up in our room and always stays quiet if your performance is on. He never stays quiet for anything.” Taehyun said, which stuck with you the rest of the interview.

During the recording, you couldn’t help but feel your eyes drawn to him specifically, and how he’d already be staring at you when you looked at him. He could feel it too, the crank wanting to turn. You both were resisting against it, not letting the chain pull you two any closer.

He was cute, for sure. His innocence seemed to radiate off of him, and the way it contrasted with your maturity made you wonder why there was such a significant tension between you two.

So while you sat in HYBE’s cafe on the 19th floor, sipping on an iced chocolate while staring down at the streets below, you tried to take your mind off of him. But it was the most fun you’ve had with another group, and you wanted to relive the laughter in your head over and over again for as long as you could remember it, but Hueningkai was always the first person that came back to your mind when you tried to reminisce. As much as you liked it, it also felt like torture.

The doors of the elevator open with a ding, Hueningkai ordering a lime bachaas at the counter, noticing a familiar figure at one of the window seats. He gets his drink, taking a sip before guessing. “Y/N?” You turn around at the mention of your name, noticing Hueningkai who’s waving at you. You wave back, wondering what to do. It’d be awkward to leave it at this.

You nudge the chair out, letting him sit down next to you. “Are you busy?” You ask, knowing it’s late at night but not late enough until practices usually end. “Just finished. Had some dinner.” He’s usually rambling when he’s asked questions, but maybe today tired him out. You can’t blame him, you were equally as drained. “You watched our episode?”

He huffs with a laugh. “Yeah. I saw the comments too. We’re everywhere.”

“Hope you don’t mind. The internet is crazy.”

“I’m aware of that. I don’t mind at all. Do you?”

You shake your head. “I don’t really care.”

A comfortable silence lingers over the two of you. It isn’t awkward in any way, merely the sounds of the machines behind the counter serving as background noise. “You really picked it up from me?”

“Huh?”

“That laugh. In Frost.”

He awkwardly chuckles. “Ah, well, it’s a bit strange to say it out loud but, when I was recording that part, I tried to envision what it was like in your shoes. All… cool and villain like.”

“You think I’m a villain?”

“Wrong word… more like dominant. When we were sent the sample recording, I could immediately see you doing the song as your own, like I could hear you doing the intro itself. When I imagined your vibe, that’s how it came out. Is that weird?”

“No, I love it. I can understand why you think that way. You did a great job, by the way. Really sweet of you to think of me like that. Your performance for that song too, fuckin’ sexy.” You cover your mouth, looking around and seeing no one else around. “Can I swear?”

He nods with a small laugh. “Sexy?” He asks. “If I’m being honest, you looked really fucking hot up there. Just saying.” His face goes warm, partly at the fact you called their performance ‘sexy’, but mostly at the fact you called him hot right to his face with no shame at all. “Are you flirting with me?”

“Take it how you will, I’m just telling the truth.” Your eyes meet his for the first time during the whole conversation. You break first and finish off your drink, his gaze enough to intimidate yet fluster you at the same time. “I’m gonna go now. Hopefully I run into you again.” You get up, about to leave when you feel a hand tugging on your sleeve, stopping you.

“Um, do you want me to walk you back? We live in the same building and all, I just– it’s dark out.” He rambles, a smile creeping up on your lips. “So you’re cute and you’re a gentleman? I really found the one.” It doesn’t directly answer his question, but the compliment has his heart racing faster than before. “Sure. Let’s go.”

As you walk back to the dorms, you manage to make small talk with Kai, filling in the silent gaps when needed. “I do appreciate your attention to detail.”

“For what?”

“When you were talking about my music. I really like hearing other people’s interpretations on them and what sticks out and such. I’ll be sure to write more ballads for you.” You start off, joking around. “I think it’s a bit funny you view me as someone higher and you’re casually hanging out with them right now. The only difference is that I debuted after you did.”

“You flattered me too much already tonight, Y/N. One more thing and I might just faint from your words alone.”

“Pleased to know I make such an impact on you.”

“You’ve made quite an impact on me for a while now.”

Unlocking your door, you tell Kai to wait outside for a moment, handing him a folded slip of paper. “Thank you for the peace, Kai. Goodnight.” You go to shut the door, opening it slightly again. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” You add, Kai walking back to the elevator after you shut the door. He doesn’t unfold the slip until he reaches his own dorm, numbers written down.

It was your phone number, words written right below it.

I enjoyed talking to you tonight. Text me whenever, and hopefully we can talk like this again.

His mind goes back to your words from earlier. ‘Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.’

Was it because you called him hot and that he was more secluded on the way back? It was only because he didn’t know what to say after. What was he even supposed to say to that? Thank you? You too?

Before he went to bed, he added your number to his contacts, and hid the note in one of his drawers. He realized one thing, though.

You were definitely flirting with him.

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The elevator door opens, Hueningkai alerted by the ding and turning around to see who it was. Your hood was on, yet he still recognized you, messing around and simply staring at you the whole time to see how long it would take for you to notice.

You see him out of the corner of your eye as you put your phone away, sheepishly waving at him as he proudly waves back, gesturing for you to sit with him.

“Do you wanna see something?” He asks, which grabs your attention. You nod, Hueningkai taking out his phone and opening his emails, tapping on something else. He fully reveals the screen to you, showing photos of him modelling for a campaign. He scrolls through them, and you simply sit there, admiring how he glows in every single one.

“God, you look so good in all of them.” You mutter, hearing him giggle as he shuts his phone off. “You’re the first person to see them.”

“Really?” He nods, running his hand through his hair. “I feel so special.” You smile, wondering how his silly demeanour could turn into that in front of a camera. “Do you want me to send them to you?”

“Can you really do that? It already feels a bit illegal just looking at them.”

“No one needs to know.”

You huff, accepting his offer. “If you’re encouraging it.” He turns on his phone again, sending the photos to you with a ding. “Have you been busy today?” He asks, putting his phone back in his pocket. “Writing. Dancing. I’m performing for KBS, so I’ve been rehearsing. Speaking of which, I just had an idea.” He leans in closer, intrigued.

“Could you… record a few lines for me? It’s for my festival performance; it isn’t a lot, I swear. Just some dialogue. Whenever you aren’t busy, of course.”

“I’m available tomorrow.”

“Great! Cool, I’ll text you more about it. You’re on the setlist too, right?”

“Yeah. Just our title track.”

“Looking forward to it already.”

“What song are you covering, anyways?”

“U-Go-Girl, then transitioning to my title.” His eyes widen, remembering the dialogue that would have to be voiced over by him. “Oh.” Thinking about it alone is almost embarrassing, but he takes pride in the fact that he’s the first person you thought of to record such… important lines. “If you don’t want to, I can find someone else–“

“No, no! I can do it, yeah, I can. I want to. Sounds fun.” He cuts you off, sounding almost too excited. “You know what you’re getting yourself into and not just doing it because I asked.”

“Really, I’d be honoured. Playing a part in your performance.”

“Good. I’d have a hard time finding someone else then, anyways. Wasn’t planning on asking anybody else.”

“So I was first pick?”

You pause, looking for an answer. “You’d add your own little Hueningkai flair to it. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but you’re gonna help me make it stand out from the rest. And that’s exactly what I want.” You always had a thing for being different. Different in a good and influential way, in a way where you wouldn’t be compared to others, rather others were compared to you.

You yawn, covering your mouth and letting your head hang to the side. “Today must’ve taken a toll on you, huh?” You feel his sleeve briefly brush against your hood. “Dance was… hard today. I couldn’t get the moves right even though it’s the easiest dance to ever exist, my brain was mush, I was failing to comprehend anything– I did great in everything else but the performing, stage presence part of it.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. We all have bad days, and it’s okay to feel horrible about it, but you learn to move on and improve. Trust me, I should know.” Kai advises reassuringly, his hand having a gentle grip on your shoulder. “Thanks, Kai. I just feel like a bit of a lazy ass not being able to do things at the pace I usually do.”

“You haven’t been overworking yourself, have you?”

“Not necessarily.”

“If you need to take a little break, take one. Better to be conscious to perform than not perform at all.” He jokes it off, even making you giggle a little as well. “I’ll take your advice to heart, Kai. Means a lot that you care.”

“You aren’t lazy, by the way. I’ve seen your performances and judging from how you exceed everyone’s expectations, you are far from that. You’re a hard worker, Y/N.”

“You really know how to flatter a woman, do you?” His face flushes on the spot, instantly a flustered mess. “Like you said, I’m just telling the truth.” He says, mostly spitting out words that he isn’t entirely sure of. “And you pay attention! My goodness, I’ll never find another guy like you. I’ll treasure you forever, Hueningkai.”

“Stop that…” He murmurs, still flustered and warm faced.

“Don’t be embarrassed! I mean it. I’ll never regret ever knowing you and being a friend of yours.” He only hides his face deeper into his hoodie, giggling as you take a sip of your drink. “Don’t fall in love yet, Huening, you should take me out on a date first.” You tease, finishing off your drink and tapping on his shoulder as you get up to leave “Don’t make false accusations, you’ll get in trouble for that.” He follows behind you, throwing away his own cup.

“I really did appreciate the advice, though. Maybe I was a bit too harsh on myself. I promise I’ll try to be more self aware.” You look up at him with a nod as the elevator doors close with a ding, and he nods back, giving you a thumbs up.

When you arrive at your dorm, you finally figure out a time. “Are you free at 3 tomorrow?” You ask. “For what?”

“For recording, duh. Was this not the first thing we talked about?”

“It was actually the second thing.”

“Okay, smartass, that was rhetorical.” You laugh it off, waiting for his confirmation. “Yeah, I am. I’ll take some time out of my practice for it.”

“I can do it sometime else if you’re busy, then–“

“Y/N, I’m practicing all week, it’s fine. You won’t get my recording in time if you were to do it when my schedule isn’t actually packed. I’ll let them know, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

“Fine, but if I get a complaint that pulling you out of practice was unprofessional I’m blaming you.”

He chuckles. “Fair enough.”

“See you tomorrow, then?” You peek your head out the door at him, tiredly staring at him. “See you. Get some rest, Y/N.”

“You too, Kai.”

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Hueningkai steps out of his practice, following the directions you gave him through text, seeing a few staff members outside the recording booth. They let him in, shutting the door and putting on the given headphones. “Hi Kai. You ready? Need water or anything?” You’re sitting in the producer’s booth at the computer with another staff member.

“I’m good.”

“I’ll play the sample recording for you. Unless you want to go straight into it?”

“Sample.”

Kai had a way of mimicry that you admired. It stayed true to the original, but his voice made it stand out the exactly how you wanted it to, that he got it only after the second recording. You play it back to him, this time layered on top of your main vocals, the part transitioning to your song being the most prominent section where his voice really stands out. “Do you wanna rerecord anything? Personally I think this is the take.”

“Then I’m good.”

You frown at the way he describes himself, even though he isn’t entirely wrong. “Alright, then that’s it. Thanks for coming in.”

“Should I see you later today?” He asks, the other staff member looking at you. “Yeah, sure. Just get back, I feel I’ve taken you for too long already.” Hueningkai begins to tear bits off the lyric sheet, the sound of it reverberating in the room you’re in. You simply watch as he rolls the bits into tiny crumpled balls, leaving them on the stand.

“At least clean up after yourself. You can walk a girl home but can’t pick up your own trash?” You joke, Kai’s ears going red as he takes the bits with him, muttering a goodbye before leaving the room. “You’re close with him?” The staff asks, finicking with the audio.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing. You two seemed to just click instantly. Do you wanna hear how it sounds now?”

As the sky darkens, you wait for a response from Hueningkai almost too eagerly, checking your phone every time it buzzed in your pocket, hoping it was him. You stopped by your rendezvous, just to take a seat and listen to the recording over and over again; it was that good that you wanted to put it on loop and just admire it as many times as you could.

“Boo!”

Hueningkai pounces on you, his hands grasping your shoulders to make you jump. “Kai– do not do that! If I had a drink in my hand right now, I would’ve thrown it at your face.”

“So mean!”

“Reflexes.”

He sits down next to you, leaning in to see what took up all your attention that you didn’t notice him lurking behind you. “Wanna listen? It’s the backup vocals for my performance.” You offer him an earbud as he accepts, playing up until the transition. “And that’s most of it. For now.”

“Feels a little bit wrong to get early access to this.”

“It was only part of it. And now you know how I felt when I saw those photos of you.”

“They’re up now, so nothing to worry about. I saw your messages but that was during water break, so I didn’t get to respond. Figured I’d find you here.”

“I felt like giving up and going back to the dorms. This was a last resort.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to even text you afterwards. Slipped my mind.”

“It’s fine. This is all I wanted to show you anyways.”

He pauses for a moment, staring at the ground trying to remember what it was about the KBS festival he was going to say. “Oh! Right, I just remembered I was gonna tell you something.”

“What is it?”

He leans in closer and whispers something.

“I’m dying my hair.”

“Really? What colour?”

“Brown. Then after the festival, black.”

“Are you getting a new concept?” He nods excitedly, his grin unable to be contained. “I will keep my mouth shut. But I’m excited to see what’s to come!”

“I think you’ll like it. We’ll be working on recordings after the festival.”

“Oh?” You were intrigued. “I’ll like it?”

“It seems like something you’d enjoy, at least. I’m hoping you will.”

“Now you have me wanting to know more. You know this is very unprofessional of you, speaking about your group’s plans with another colleague.” You poke fun at him, leaning in. “I’m speaking to you as a friend, not a business partner. And with how much unreleased information we’ve been sharing with each other, it’s safe to say that we are more than just business partners.”

“I feel like a schoolgirl sharing secrets with someone.” You giggle, Kai’s smile growing. “I heard somewhere they call you Hyuka, can I call you that?” Why did the name sound so perfect when it rolled off your tongue? He did his best to stop his face from heating up and replied. “Yeah. You can.”

“It’s cute. I like it.”

He doesn’t reply, avoiding eye contact with you and simply replying with a nod. “You really get flustered over the smallest things, don’t you? Nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Maybe it’s because I can’t believe the Y/N keeps flirting with me. Not very professional of you.”

“Oh, the irony! It’s corroding my heart…” You overdramatize, earning a snicker from the boy seated beside you. “If it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop. I hope you know that wasn’t my intention.”

“I know. And it doesn’t. If anything, my heart beats so fast that I just can’t think of anything to say to you because I’m so focused on the fact my heart is racing in my ears.”

“So you like it?”

“I mean, who wouldn’t want to be called cute by the L/N Y/N? If anything, I’m lucky enough to be talking with you like this.”

“Now you’re the one flirting with me?” You laugh, checking your phone. “I have an interview tomorrow. I’m a bit nervous.”

“Why? You’re always great in interviews. You’re comedic, you’re stylish–“

“It’s one where the MC asks questions to get under your skin. Like a hot seat.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not… I’m not very open with my personal life. I don’t usually talk about it. He might go that far.”

“Can you not cancel?”

“Too late now. I was booked for it but didn’t care to ask what it was about since I was too busy with other things.” You feel his hand rub your shoulder reassuringly, giving you a look that said ‘it’s gonna be okay’. You sheepishly smile, his hand not leaving you for as long as you stay with him. “I just don’t want to get into controversy right before that big performance. It’s gonna ruin my confidence and my performance is gonna be shit and when I look back on it I’m gonna hate myself–“

“Y/N, you’re gonna be okay. Your fanbase would understand wholeheartedly if they are really fans of yours. They would defend you until the end of the line. Have you seen what they can do? It’s a bit terrifying.” He says, making you chuckle. “I get why you’re so nervous, but if the episode is that bad, they’d have a reason to not stream it.”

Hueningkai’s words stay with you the entire night leading up to the interview, where you’re seated in the chair and the cameras are rolling. The questions start off innocent at first, typical questions you’d get on any other interview.

“What is it like being a role model for newer idols?”

“What is your favourite performance outfit so far?”

“Is there a specific place you’d like to go to for a world tour or concert?”

Then it slowly started getting more… iffy.

“Do you have a ghost writer?”

“Did Bighit force you into the ‘sexy’ concept when you turned 19?”

“How many times have you cried over your duties as an idol?”

When it got into relationships with others, however, that’s where you drew the line.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend before?” The MC asks with a shameless smile on his face. “No.”

“Is there anyone you have your eyes on right now? A celebrity crush?”

Your face begins to burn red, your heart pounding so loud and fast you can hear it in your ears, and you’re struggling to spit out logical answers.

“Not in particular.”

“Sunghoon from Enhypen? You two are known to be close friends. Is he your type?”

“Please don’t bring my friends into this.”

“P1Harmony, what was his name… Jiung!“

“I don’t–“

“What about Hueningkai, the boy from TXT? Ever since that interview, people have been endorsing you two as a pair.”

“I don’t think you should be dictating someone to fulfill my relationship status. You have absolutely no power over me and my relationships with others, and God knows everything about me and my friends while you don’t, so keep your mouth shut.”

The whole room goes silent. You’re holding back tears and you want to swear at him so bad, but this seemed to be impactful enough already, so your eyes stare daggers into his soul, as if they pierced through his heart to make it stop beating. “Well, you certainly live up to your fiesty trait.” He laughs off, switching to the final cue card.

At the end, in your dressing room, you’re so overwhelmed with humiliation and embarrassment, the tears that couldn’t escape your eyes begin to flood again as you pull out your phone, the first person to come to mind being Hueningkai.

hyuka

are you there?

hiii!!!

how did it go?

horrible

it all went to shit

oh… are you okay?

can i see you later? same place?

sure, ill be there by 9

Your hood is on for the rest of the day, pace relentlessly fast as you walk into the headquarters. The face ID for the elevator can barely recognize you with how much you’re trying to hold back from crying, and you avoid any eye contact with the staff that join you in the small space. You finally look up when you reach the 19th floor, seeing Hueningkai turned around and looking at you, and you begin to break down then and there.

“Woah, Y/N…” He runs over, catching you before you can fall on your knees. “What happened? What did he ask?” You feel like shit knowing Kai is trying to help you, but you aren’t able to say anything because you’re so overwhelmed with tears and how embarrassing you look crying in front of him.

“Do you want to come to my place and we can talk about it? Or do you want to go to yours? The boys are just practicing vocals so it’ll be just us, no need to worry about someone overhearing.” He’s so extremely patient with you, making you cry even more. You point at him, meaning you want to go to his place, because it was the first thing that came to mind. “But what about you?”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m only worried about you.”

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who does he think he is???

i cannot believe the staff did not notice how uncomfy y/n was even after she yelled at them

the fact he just laughed it off like what?

this was so incredibly disrespectful, i dont even know how this show is still up

who is allowing this to be aired theres clearly something wrong with this

he knew he crossed a line and did not care how stupid can you be

i knew there was something off about this

imagine being scolded by y/n id disappear off the face of the planet forever

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You sat quiet in your waiting room, scrolling through the posts on social media all written about you and that damn interview. You knew you were in the right, and you hoped everyone else knew that too. Luckily, they did. They didn’t bash you for anything, their dissatisfaction going towards the MC and the show.

You received endless support and praise for standing up for yourself and putting the host in his place, and you were so incredibly relieved for that. You watched the show broadcasting patiently on the TV in your room, TXT’s title track beginning to play. You were so fixated on it that you almost forgot you were going on next, the staff calling you backstage.

When their performance ends and they come offstage, you clap and cheer for all of them as they pass by, waving at Hueningkai enthusiastically when you see him. “Hyuka!” Even under the dim light, you see him with a tired smile as he runs over to you. “Wow…” He looks at you, eyes trailing over your outfit. “You look good.”

“I could say the same for you.” Maybe it was the lighting, or how nervous you were, but seeing your friend post-performance trying to catch his breath, sweat dripping down his face, his cheeky smile as his gaze with those tired eyes doesn’t waver from yours, you knew it was wrong to be thinking such things. But he looked hot. Really hot.

“I’ll see you in your room?” You ask, and he nods, head turning away first and eyes last. God, he had a gaze that could kill you.

The metronome begins playing in your earpiece once you’re on stage, and you let your confidence take control. Hyuka’s voice plays in your ear, and if you’re being honest, the one thing that usually runs through your mind is thinking about how cool you are to be on stage and performing for such a large audience. Did it make you seem like you were full of yourself? A little bit. Did you care? No.

When the song changes, so does the mood. The lights change colour and are different brightnesses, and so does your outfit. You discard your jacket and the skirt you’re wearing, adorning a matching pair of shorts and a sleeveless shirt, and a fishnet longsleeve underneath. Your title track begins, and the crowd screams so loud you can hear them over your instrumental.

After the rush of adrenaline from being able to make the crowd scream louder than ever, you walk offstage, saying thank you to all the staff as you pass by. You make a quick pitstop to your room, grabbing a few things before trying to find TXT’s. The next performers pass by and give you cheer silently, and you can’t help but smile back despite your exhaustion. You knock on their door, a staff member opening it. “Hi Y/N. How come you aren’t in your room right now?”

“Is it okay if I come in?”

“Is that Y/N?” Someone asks.

“Y/N!?” Another voice asks, who you can recognize as Hueningkai. The staff member moves aside, and there’s Hyuka, standing behind him with that goofy smile on his face. He pulls you in for an unexpected, brief hug, looking at you all thrilled. “Your performance was amazing! You looked so good up there, and the transition and your execution–“ He’s so excited that he just jumps around with glee, and you manage to laugh at his enthusiasm.

You take a seat on the empty couch with a content sigh, Hyuka then sitting next to you. “I loved your performance too. The brown hair suits you.” The colour made him look younger as if he wasn’t already, innocence along with it. “I like it. I wish you’d keep it.”

“You should’ve seen my in my group’s Magic era.”

“Do you have photos? It’s been a while since I’ve last seen it.” He pulls out his phone, photos of him from that time showing up after mere seconds of him typing it in. “You looked so cute! And so much younger…”

“We were both 17 that time, so obviously. I saw your concept during this time too. You looked cute too.”

A part of you wants to believe that he means it. Another part of you is making you think that he’s just saying it to be nice since you do that to him all the time. “So you’re saying that I’m not cute now?” You ask rhetorically, letting him search for his answer. “I’m saying that you’ve always been cute. How’s that?”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do.” He’s looking at you so sternly that you want to believe him, and the fact he hasn’t broken out into laughter probably means that you should. “Soobin, Hueningkai is flirting with Y/N.” Beomgyu says, making you the first to break eye contact with him. “Don’t make her uncomfortable, Hueningkai.” His leader says, lounging in his chair.

“I think she likes it.”

“I do not.”

“Then why is your face so red? You don’t see me all flustered when you call me cute.”

“Actually, I do. We’re even.”

You both sit there in silence, Hueningkai scrolling on his phone mindlessly, lurking on his social media. He opens his camera to check and fix his hair, but notices you in frame, your eyes shut and head on his shoulder. You fell asleep on him.

He’s frozen in place, unsure what to do. He doesn’t move for as long as your rest on him, merely going back on his phone with a quiet chuckle. He snuck a few photos with you, and looking at them he realized that you were still as cute as he called you, even while you were asleep. When he looked up from his phone, he saw Yeonjun with his camera facing the two of you, fingers tapping on the screen.

“What are you doing?” Hyuka asks, Yeonjun immediately putting his phone away. “Nothing.” He lies, going back to using it as normal. You don’t stay asleep for long, being called back to your room by one of the other staff members. When you leave the room, Kai gets a text from Yeonjun, odd being that they were merely across the room from each other. He opens it to reveal a few images and even a video of the two of you together.

“Look at Hueningkai… Y/N is sleeping on his shoulder. Our maknae has really grown up and his crush is resting with him, they’re so cute. Saving this for when they date in the future.”

You nearly doze off in your own waiting room until your phone buzzes in your hand, a text from Hyuka appearing. It’s photos of the two of you, mostly of you sleeping on his shoulder while Hyuka is on his phone or taking selfies with you.

you looked so peaceful i felt bad when i had to wake you up

were you about to sleep in your room? im sorry if i woke you up again :(

ah its okay

who took the other photos?

yeonjun

were you just on your phone the entire time

i didn’t wanna wake you up!

can i come back

im not sure let me ask

👍

no u cant cuz the show is almost over

aw man

we’ll talk tomorrow! its my off day so we have all the time in the world

you’re over exaggerating a little bit

only a little bit

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Y/NS PERFORMANCE MY LORD

SHE LITERALLY ATE THAT UP

she proved that flop of an mc wrong

is that hueningkai’s voice in the background??

GUYS AM I TRIPPING OR IS THAT HYUKA

hueningkai doing the dialogue for y/n’s cover is something i didnt know i needed

r they like best friends off screen because that’d literally be so cute like y/n asking hyuka to do the vocals for her

they sound so good together omg

collab when?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2022

You were close with Hueningkai. You talked a lot, you hung out a lot, you even did media promotions with him, and you had little inside jokes that no one seemed to get, which made them funnier.

You two also had a tendency to… flirt with each other.

You could never see if he was being serious or not, and he’d never tell you afterwards and just move on. You’d do the same, which was only fair, but you really wanted to know if he meant it. Sometimes you wished he did. Other times you didn’t care.

You did lives together, mostly consisting of gossip and eating snacks, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You even walked in on him once in the middle of one, and was unofficially invited as a guest.

You did promotional content with each other, and had a lot of pictures together in your camera roll. You almost lost important screenshots and info because of it. But every time you opened your gallery, you smiled, seeing pictures of him and the two of you messing around together reminding that there was more to life than just work.

It’s officially known by everyone, you and Hueningkai were best friends. Two peas in a pod, doing a lot of things together when you both were free. You were being shipped together, and while you were worried it made him uncomfortable, you also kind of liked it. Which begun the spiral of thoughts: did you have a crush on him?

You felt even more like a schoolgirl talking about it with your friends, except you were left alone with your own thoughts. You only flirted with each other about what, hundreds of times? He’d pat your back to calm you down, hold your hand if he noticed you shaking, run his fingers through your hair when you’d ramble, hug you when you need it, wipe off any crumbs that were left at the corner of your mouth…

He had comebacks that made your face go red, snarky replies and comments that made your heart race more than anything else, he looked hot when he was performing, like, really hot, he made sure you were the first person to see his unpublished modeling photos (all of them drove you crazy), he looked really pretty with contact lenses, he was the only person that could leave you stuttering and scrambling for words…

The list went on and on. And the more things you found out you liked about him, the more the answer became clear. You liked him. You liked your best friend.

Sure, he’s told you before that you were his celebrity crush, but that’s different. You liked him on a personal level, a level that could make or break your relationship with each other, and that was what scared you the most. You really liked him, to the point where if he rejected you, you’d go dark for a few days trying to recover.

You wanted to tell him so bad. Every time you tried, your heart would race uncontrollably and you couldn’t choke out a single word. It was almost embarrassing how flustered his simple actions made you, let alone on a livestream.

“I told my sisters about you.” He says, staring up at the clear, starlit sky. “Really?”

“My younger sister is a big fan of you, actually. She debuted this year. Older has plans to, and she says you’re really cool.”

“Tell them I say thank you. What group is your younger sister a part of?”

“Kep1er. Bahiyyih?”

“You did that Tiktok with her, I remember. You guys look scarily alike.”

“We really don’t.” You glare at him, straight faced. Hueningkai looks at you, face illuminated by the lights hidden underneath the plant fixtures. “You look pretty.” He thinks aloud, knowing you heard judging from the expression on your face.

You laugh. “I know.” You expect him to laugh the same, but his face doesn’t seem to change in any way. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“I always have been. You just never see it that way.”

“Oh.” You’re struck with a pang of guilt, cursing yourself internally. “You weren’t just being nice?”

“I meant every word I said. I hope you’re taking me seriously right now.”

It seems like I’m not, but I am. I really am.

“This is awfully bold of you, Hyuka.”

“I really like you, Y/N. How’s that for bold?”

He was being serious, unphased with genuine, meaningful eyes. “You always stayed by my side, even when I was feeling down. You remember the little things about me; my drink orders, the snacks I get, my habits, and merely being able to see you makes my day a whole lot better.”

You’re standing there, mouth slightly hanging, unable to say anything. The words are stuck in your throat, and you want to say something, but you feel like you’re gonna faint if you speak a single word.

“I… I can’t…” You’re too embarrassed to face him, knowing his eyes are on you. “I need to go…” You mutter, hand brushing over his for a second before leaving him unanswered on the silent, dimly lit rooftop.

You’re running down the stairs, mashing the buttons on the elevators, messily typing in your key code, falling to your knees once you step foot in your dorm. You’re coughing so much from your horribly paced breathing, and the pain adds to your tears, slowly trailing down your face.

Why were you crying? You didn’t deserve to cry. You were the one that hurt him, leaving him there because you were a coward. It hurt like hell. You barely managed to clean yourself up, falling asleep the second your head hits your pillow.

Practice the following day was straightforward, but you still felt empty. You would’ve gotten a text from Hyuka already, but the only messages there are the ones from yesterday. It hurts to see it so empty, and you want to talk to him, but what if he already hated you?

Entering the elevator, you run into Taehyun and his hooded mop of black hair. “Hi Y/N.” He greets. You tip your head to greet him, guilty for being able to talk to one of Hyuka’s friends and not him himself. “You should go talk to him. He skipped out on practice today.”

“Does he hate me?”

He scoffs. “Hueningkai could never hate you. You made his life 100 times better, according to him.” He pauses and sighs as the elevator nears the floor to the cafeteria. “Even for a few hours, he really didn’t seem like himself. If anything, he’s wondering if you hate him.”

As the door opens and Taehyun steps off, you get a text from Hueningkai.

im sorry.

forget i said anything.

“Shit.” You mutter, Taehyun eyeing you the entire time until the doors close. It’s one swift ride down to the bottom floor, and again, you run, but this time faster than you did the day before, spamming the buttons on the elevator and going to his floor. You stop in front of his door, knocking on it and ringing the doorbell. “Hueningkai? It’s me.” You say. No answer.

“Hyuka? Please, can we talk?” You plead, not hearing anything from the inside. You spam his messages instead, calling him 10 times before giving up. You then remembered accidentally peeking at him entering his dorm code, but you forced yourself to forget it for the sake of his privacy. Given he wasn’t answering, you forced yourself to remember.

He jokingly scolded you that day before shutting the door, but what did he type before that?

Your faded memory punches in the series of numbers you picked out, the door suddenly unlocking. You look around, seeing an empty hallway before shutting the door and locking it, taking your shoes off and running to his room. “Hyuka?” You call, hearing muffled sniffles from a distance. That had to be him.

You didn’t bother knocking. You opened to door, seeing Hueningkai’s face all messed with tears, puffy red eyes, and his arms clinging tightly to one of his stuffed animals. His eyes widened before he hid his face with a tissue. You walk over to him, helping him wipe his face with the tissues. You quickly get up and rush to his kitchen, refilling the glass of water on the floor beside his bed.

He’s calmed down by the time you get back, accepting the glass and drinking half of it. “How did you get in?” He asks, voice hoarse. “You typed in the code once and I accidentally saw. I took a shot in the dark.” You hold his face in your hands, warming them, wiping away a fallen tear with a stroke of your thumb. He clearly didn’t remember. “I’m sorry–“

“No, don’t be. I’m sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

You sigh, heart pounding in your ears. “I was a coward for running away. It was stupid.” He chuckles. “I don’t even know why I’m crying, I just started thinking of you, and everything I’ve lost, and…” He cuts himself off, knowing he’d start crying again if he said anything else. “I’m right here. You haven’t lost anything.”

You move his hair out of his face, and all you can do is look at him. His post crying face, rosy and glistening, a content smile on his face. “I like you too, Hyuka. Your duality, your laugh, your carefulness, your personality…” You begin to look at the smaller details on his face. “Your eyes, your lashes, your jawline…”

“Your lips.”

The crank holding the two of you finally snaps, and you’re fully drawn to him.

You kiss him, and everything feels just right, sensing his surprise through the noise he made at the sudden action. It’s a first for both of you, so you could be as awkward as you needed to while learning how to kiss each other. But you were fast learners, and you got the hang of it quickly.

He pulls you closer by the waist, holding you close to him as you straddle his hips, kissing you fervently. So fervently that you swear you hear him moan in between a few kisses, and you try not to enjoy it as much as you do. Pulling away for a second to admire him, the way his chest heaves as he’s out of breath, his eyes doing the pleading for him.

You lean in closer. “Do you like being like this?” You ask, forehead against his, lips grazing over his own. “Mhm.” Your hand holds his face again, warm and tempting. “Is this what you’ve wanted?” He nods again. “For how long?”

“Too long.”

His lips are back on yours, dominant and hungry. He was the only one that could restrain you like this, and for once, you didn’t mind not being in control. His kisses move down to your neck, feeling him smirk after eliciting a groan from you.

“You can’t…” You start, feeling him stop and pull away. “People will see. We can’t risk it.”

Being in the industry meant that lying out of hickeys was nonexistent. Dating scandals would come abuzz and the only thing people would ask you for the next few weeks was who gave you that purple mark on your neck.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

The door suddenly opens, and you’re met with a shaken Beomgyu, eyes wide and jaw dropped. You immediately get off of Hueningkai, putting your hood back on and sitting on the side of the bed, gesturing zipped lips to the poor boy. “Soobin! They’re– they’re… Y/N’s here!” Beomgyu rephrases, a better choice of words than what you assumed he’d say.

“I’m sorry. That was a dick move of me.”

“It was. All I wanted was closure, and I got it, so it’s okay.”

His hand rests on top of yours. “Can I be your boyfriend, Y/N?” You blush, face hot as if you weren’t just making out with him a few minutes ago. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that. But what about our label?”

“You’re closer with Bang than I am. Could you talk to him?” You nod, kissing him one last time before leaving, avoiding eye contact with Soobin and Beomgyu on the way out. You bump into Taehyun on the way to the door. He looks at you with a smile, following with an affirmative nod and letting you go.

Taehyun budges through the border of Soobin and Beomgyu at his own bedroom door, Yeonjun peeking over and seeing Hueningkai all red and smiley. “What happened?” The oldest asks, eyes still on the youngest.

“Y/N happened.” Soobin answers, Yeonjun’s gaze locked on the maknae. Maybe it was his older brother genes that he noticed something different than the Hueningkai he saw this morning, but judging from the fact you walked out with your hood on, Hyuka’s shirt being slightly crumpled, his blanket gathered at the footboard, some of his plushies fallen out of place, and slight tinges of pink on and surrounding his mouth, he deduced you two had a little bit of fun.

“Took him long enough.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2023

Your relationship was smooth sailing as it ever could be with your schedules. A member of your team had to arrange a meeting with Bang discussing the relationship between you and Hueningkai. Keeping it a secret would have been the better option, but knowing Hyuka, he’d still show you off to everyone even if being scolded to keep quiet about it for hours on end.

Bang said he ‘had a hunch’ from the first interview, not showing any objection, but naming the risks and controversies that would come with the publicity of your romance. You two were too lovestruck to care about public opinions, but you still were wary of your interactions with each other, Hueningkai especially, knowing that getting into a scandal only involving himself would bring the group down with him.

You two were content with the way things were, but Hyuka tended to have the mindset of, ‘if it happens, it happens’ despite being so cautious, and you’re sure the staff members at Music Bank saw the two of you being intimate in the halls because your boyfriend just had to kiss your forehead at that time, no sooner or later.

Rumors started to arise, given how close the two of you had become. You were always close, but this time you were much closer. There were a lot of behind the scenes cameras at music shows, sometimes catching the two of you in the background together. Once you were even caught with Hyuka taking a nap on your thighs, and that only further proved the existence of the two of you dating.

The one time you decide not to wear a mask and just your hat, paparazzi caught the two of you holding hands on the way back, those gossip articles really planting all previous evidence as if their life was on the line.

Both of you never confirmed anything to the public. You simply just moved on with your lives as if nothing ever happened. It was brought up in a few interviews, but you managed to avoid answering questions on terms of your relationship, using the excuse of privacy.

It was surprising to everyone when they saw a video uploaded on TXT’s channel titled something along the lines of: ‘Hueningkai’s first date’, you couldn’t remember it off the top of your head. But you did vividly remember officially stating that the two of you were going out, and have been going out for a while.

The feedback was, as far as you knew, positive. Being dubbed as ‘the duo we’ve been waiting for’ or ‘netizens’ favourite couple’, you mostly appreciated the fact that you didn’t receive any threats, and only a loss of some fans. Maybe people just couldn’t handle the fact that you two looked so damn good together.

“What are you watching?” Hueningkai asks from the kitchen, seeing you staring at your phone intensely. “Your interview. You’re throwing away your plushies? But I got you one.”

“I’m keeping yours, of course. I’m getting rid of my hoarding habits, so I don’t really want anymore as gifts. Yours will always have a special place in my heart, and I’m never gonna get rid of it.”

“Can I at least keep one?” He considers it for a moment, then nods. “Sure. Which?” You don’t even have to think about it. “Honey.”

“Really?”

“You let me hold him when you invited me here so I could cry and rant after that shitty interview. So that one will also have a special place in my heart. It was also the first one you offered to me. Maybe when I’m alone and I have it in my arms I’ll think of you.”

“You can have him, since he means that much to you.” The sink turns off, shaking the water off his hands and drying them, going to his room and retrieving his, well, now your stuffed animal. The moment you hold it, your thoughts are flooded with nothing but of Hueningkai, despite the fact he took a seat right next to you, placing an arm around your shoulders.

“Jesus, you look fuckin’ sexy in these photos.” You say, zooming in and saving them to your camera roll shamelessly. “Speak for yourself. Front cover on Vogue? You looked so beautiful in those photos. I’m so incredibly lucky.”

You put your phone down, turning to hear his answer. “How so?”

“That you’re my girlfriend. That I get to be your boyfriend. That I get to see your beautiful face every single day, and that I know little things about you that others don’t.”

You chuckle. “I want to kiss you so bad, but the others are gonna come back soon and God knows we won’t be able to stop.” His hand gracefully holds your jaw, his finger tracing along your jawline to let himself move his face closer to yours. He speaks in a whisper.

“Then don’t.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

if you’re really, really tired, i want to hug you and pat you to sleep. i just miss you, even right now. 🎧

#hueningkai #huening kai #hueningkai x reader #hueningkai x y/n #txt #txt huening kai #hueningkai txt #tomorrow x together #tomorrow by together #huening kai x reader #huening kai x you #txt x reader #fluff #txt fluff #fanfiction #idek im downbad

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bbarican · 1 year ago

Text

october 21, 2023; 8:59 pm - weekend

hi tumblr, happy weekend! kamusta naman kayo? how are your weekends so far?

as usual, just dropping by to post some updates here (usually and mostly for myself but if you do end up reading these, thank you ♡)

personal:

today was super lovely, we ended up going to makati for lunch and a bit of shopping

my mom bought us new sunnies and im super happy kasi i have new pair to wear to our trips soon

we tried sunnies coffee's spanish latte and tbh sobrang sarap niya as in super high quality ng lasa niya not like pick up coffee or but first coffee (imo!) which i kind of expected na ganun yung lasa niya kasi theyre primarily not a brand that sells drinks talaga to begin with but it was a 10/10 for me; im excited to try their matcha tho

i decluttered my closet and i feel so light and happy about it kasi super konti nalang talaga yung natira and im 300% sure na yung mga tinira ko is sinusuot ko naman talaga

the clothes i took out, i plan on donating sa h&m since they do offer vouchers in return so im excited to do that too

food today was good too, we had shake shack for lunch, then i made my favorite cheesy bread with hot honey for dinner

im excited for tomorrow kasi my dad is finally back from japan!

im so excited for 1989 taylor's version too! i keep forgetting na i really like the songs on this album pala talaga

its my mom's birthday next week and im just excited to spend it with her; im sad na i dont have extra money to get her anything this year pero babawi nalang ako sakanya for sure

work:

i have quite a bit to do tomorrow to prep for my end of the month mtg on monday

again, for some reason kinakabahan ako pero i know naman na everything's gonna work out

we also have a sponty general assembly kasi we need all the help we can get from the designers na hindi masyadong loaded to help those who are busy to turnover their projects this and next month

im just always excited to see my office besties; i love how makulit we all are tapos nag tutugma talaga ugali naming lahat

oh my god you guys may kinaiinisan ako na officemate kol; tamad na ko to make another post about him pero long story short super tanga niya and i hate him

im so excited as in super super super excited for our company outing

friends:

this is a shocker even until now pero i really feel like 100% break na yung best friend ko and his boyfriend of 7 years

its really sad and heartbreaking kasi the guy even planned on proposing to my bestfriend na pero i know my bestfriend deserves better talaga especially with how theyve been these past few months

i miss them! noel and chesy are officially on their own and chevy is still doing her thing and i will forever be grateful na they are safe and happy

id love to meet new people though; i feel like meeting new people would be so exciting

love:

i still have bumble on my phone and the biggest update i can give yall is the fact na i just adjusted the ange range to 27-40 i think HAHA

cause i really dont want to date younger men UNLESS theyre super mature and not super bata pa talaga ng pagiisip

but yeah other than that wala as in wala akong kausap and sometimes it takes a toll on me but most of the time im fine

again, thank you for reading and caring about my updates, i love you ♡

#bbarican #personal #thoughts #writings #updates #dump #list

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ancient-day · 2 years ago

Note

EXTREMELY important question. what would each wildcard's favorite anime be? u can include goro if you want (im not 100% on the lore here but i think he counts?)

Aw, this is so fun!! I personally include Akechi, Aigis, and Sho Minazuki (P4 Arena)! Also I'm so bad at pinpointing, so I hope it's okay that I'm mostly going off vibe and genre rather than solid specifics for most of these.

Minato: Might seem predictable, but I immediately go for Evangelion. Thanatos' design always kinda gave me an Eva vibe, especially Minato's violent awakening. Plus the whole hedgehog's dilemma and struggle of forming bonds and fear of losing them. I dunno. He could also be a FMA 03 stan.

Kotone: I think she's an all-rounder. I think she'd really enjoy thrillers like Monster and elements of killing games, but she'd also go for comedies and lighthearted things. She wouldn't necessarily relate to things with heavy themes of the power of friendship given her reluctance to share her true struggles with others, but I think she'd admire the characters.

Aigis: Slice of life anime, I think? Or slice of life dramas that help her better understand people and perspectives. Maybe shows that have non-human characters learning about the world and people around them. I definitely think that she enjoys Featherman with Ken, though. Especially imitating the poses.

Elizabeth: She would watch anything once, but I think she'd like The Tatami Galaxy. And anime films. She probably wouldn't consider anything a favorite.

Yu: I'm so sorry if this is a really off-take, but my immediate thought was Huh, Yu probably has the patience and mental strength to endure One Piece. I can see him enjoying shonen. Maybe some mysteries. Detective Conan maybe, to go along with the absolute patience and dedication to something long-going haha Oh but he'd probably love something like Natsume Yuujinchou, too.

Sho: Battle anime all the way, but also probably humor anime. The more absurd, the better. When he's gotten more adjusted, he could probably vibe with Mob Psycho 100.

Akira: I feel like magical girl anime because this idea that you can transform into a stronger, more confident version of yourself complete with camp transformation sequences and costumes would appeal to him. Sailor Moon's an obvious, classic choice, but he's pretty much down for whatever. He and Haru could bond over their favorites.

Akechi: Featherman, Gundam, Legend of the Galactic Heroes, etc. I just think he'd like those types. He'd be insufferable to discuss Eva with lmao but he could have a few guilty pleasures, like Cardcaptor Sakura or something. Especially when it comes to Li's crush on Yukito and seeing Yukito's and Touya's relationship.

#jest answers #the genuine joy i felt from this ask thank you!!#this was a lot of fun and i appreciate it <33 #sorry if i'm way off lmao i imagine these kinds of things are very subjective #even now i'm like i dunno but suddenly i can't remember any anime i've ever seen wow haha

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firstkokon0is · 3 years ago

Text

tokrev characters when you did the “i told you to look good today” prank to them

lol this trend is quite old but its been on my mind lately but yall can request sum goods to me😁👍

tw: heavy swear words and grammar errors

characters: draken, mikey, mitsuya, baji, chifuyu, hakkai, takemichi.

gn reader

DRAKEN

the moment those words came out of your mouth he just stared at you

while you’re smiling idiot

he will literally just stare at you

“yea same to you” showing a annoying smile

he get the situation, HE KNOWS HE LOOK GOOD SO THIS AINT GNNA WORK

you guys just laugh it off, you didn’t even told him that it was just a prank because he already knew it but will still ask you in the middle of your date

“hey is my style in clothes really aint that good? were you serious? i mean its not that bad…..” he said while looking himself up through his phone camera

“nope, i thought you get the joke but oh well……ken, you look so good everytime yk even if u wear nothing u still can pull it off” you told him and smack his bald head playfully

“yea yeaa i would’ve gone feral if u went and bash my hair instead of my clothes so thats a relief” he respond with a smile

“ken why this hair-”

“aight im leaving”

“no hakahajwlwbsha”

took the joke very well

MIKEY

he spent hours looking for good clothes for this date, there’s clothes everywhere in his room and still “damn…..there’s nothing to wear”

AND WHEN U TOLD HIM THOSE WORDS???

he just pout, told you that he’s sorry, and he spent hours looking for something to wear to match your style and many more reasons

pls apologize to him

but when you told him that its a prank he just pout and said “not a good joke y/n i know you were lying because i really look good, i knew its was a prank”

just agree with him lol

will think of pranks that he could do to you for revenge, literally stressing about it while on the date with you

he wants to say the same thing to you but he can’t because you look beautiful today, just for him, and will smile just looking at you

while walking to the park he will even ask himself “does my style really match them?” “should i be the one to adjust and put my taste on clothes higher?” “i should ask mitsuya about fashion things” his mind is just filled with questions

“mikeyyyyyyy, you look good today i was just doing a silly prank im sorry if that made you feel bad, not gonna lie you’re drippy as fuck”

“i know i know im gonna prank you next time real hard” he said “if i catch you we’re gnna switch wardrobes” he said as he started to chase you around the park

in the end he came over to your place and explore your wardrobe and tried your clothes, he even stole some of your hoodies and shirts.

MITSUYA

overthinks

this mf thinks he looks good no matter what

duh he’s a designer

“well y/n i think you’re right, and i should style you sometimes dont you think?”

your hand went to your mouth so fast

he laughed at your reaction and hug you

“just kidding you look good, we look good i know that trend damn thats old” he said

you smack him playfully for that, his reaction is normal but because of that he wants to be more stylish

he can take a joke yk

after a lot of overthinking he suggests to shopping with you

even though he have some knowledge about designing and how to look good he thinks your taste in clothes is so good

will think that he’s right for you and you’re right for him

he’s your 4lyferss😩

BAJI

he will give you that “excuse me” face with a hand oh his chest because he’s offended as fuck.

“babe stop fooling people, and yourself we both know i look good”

“you dare to bash my drip hell no baby”

will brag his clothes for like 15 minutes just to prove what you’re saying is wrong

“this shirt i brought this online with a nice fabric its not cheap mf”

“my pants, you see this huh? see those sutffs on tiktoks where they style their own pants i did this shit its so cool”

“now now, baby see this shoes? oh dont even get me started but hey you look nice today hehe can i take you on our date now?”

he went from being defensive and screaming proving his shit right to his signature smile

by just that he already made your day, you really cant out keisuke baji

because he is baji, he will look good for you, and you look good for him, he will joke you around, tease you a lot, you will also do the same to him.

100% can take a fucking joke. and it will be like a competition to him.

CHIFUYU

confused baby

im sure you feel a lot of guilt rn

because baby panicked

will suggest to go back to his house and change his clothes if you want

pls apologize 😭

almost cried because he thinks he’s a bad boyfriend again lol

will spat a lot if reason like, he’s in hurry, he’s been overthinking this date since last night.

but boy he look good actually he has drip

“nononono baby, you look good i just saw the thing on tiktok so i thought it will be funny but damn im sorry i-” you didn’t even finish when he laughed

“ohhhhhh yeaaaa that trend fuck, how could i forget, nice one you got me there god dammit ill take revenge sometimes” he said laughing slightly

well he’s always on tiktok, have some few vid too, actually some went viral bc of takemichi being dumb

just like mitsuya too, will suggest to just go shopping with him and tell him what kind of clothes that you’re interested in

would love to buy your clothes for you but he’s just a broke middle schooler but he promised you that both of you will shopping someday

he took that prank seriously but when he knew that it was a joke its fine

life goes on for him

HAKKAI

oh my god please y/n why

you always complement his style because its true he has some style

after you told him that he will just scratch the back of his neck and said

“my other clothes are still wet haha…..i mean i dont look bad i mean……”

apologize, drop on your knees and do it.

nah jk

u gave in a small laugh and said sorry to him

he know about this trend actually but he never actually expect you to have the guts to do that to him

he knew about his shy personality and he knew that you know about this

he’s not offended just taken by surprise that you actually did that to him

“well anyways i dont care about me you look good today y/n”

you immediately regret saying those stuffs to him bc he’s sweet hot and respectful

but its a joke anyways he enjoyed the silly joke

he knew he look good lmao

yuzuha will be hearing this

she will prolly scold you for doing that

are you gnna repeat the silly prank again?

TAKEMICHI

💀💀💀💀💀

he will run

run back to his home attack his wardrobe and find a good clothes

ofc you feel bad so you followed him

you saw him looking for a new clothes to wear

you told him its a prank but he still didn’t want to go out looking like that

so you just decided to style him yourself

he thinks you’re right

he looks bad, his style is not it

but overall happy for pranking him and making him realize that he need to be as your same style

“takemichi, look i dont care…..whoever told you that you look bad i will kick their face, to me what ever you wear your fun personality and the reason that i fell inlove with you wont disappear” you put a hand on the top of his head and he just

cried.

“im sowwyyy- i- i cant look good- fuck ughhghuh- please dont leave me i-” he’s crying mess on your chest

“STOP CRYING DAMMIT YOU ALWAYS LOOK GOOD,”

you will never prank him again

no pls dont do it again

#tokyo revengers #draken #mikey #mitsuya #hakkai #chifuyu headcanons #takemichi #baji #tokyo revengers x reader #lol imma edit this when i feel like it #this trend is rotten but i cant stop thinking about it #baji’s reaction is funnier in my mind akowhdkan

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ilhoonftw · 3 years ago

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i would just like to rant for a sec about kpop groups not be able to sing. i’ve stanned btob for a while now and have always liked groups that have good vocals and when they joined kingdom i was like eh sure i’ll watch some old men hang out with the kids.

most of it was… fine ig i knew i was biased but i thought btob had some only the most creative stages and it was fun to watch them interact with other groups. but then stray kids covered i’ll be your man and i was like ???? who in the i worms thought that group could handle those vocals?? i sometimes randomly think about it and cringe real bad and get secondhand embarrassment bc it i hated it that much. and then all my stray kids fans were like wow best performance i’ve ever seen. like???? idk if you’ve watched it but i was like how could anyone be proud of that perf 😂 anyways i left that showing knowing one thing and it was btob kings of vocals

yoo anon thank you. i never really openly talked about it when kondom was airing bc i didnt wanted to get any angry anons 🙈 so im gonna be honest here, finally

i watched it 2 and half times. it was bad. i couldnt believe it really.... their skill level... it was not it. you cant build a house with toy tools meant to play in sand........ whoever said it was good? you lied. and you need to see ear doctor immidiately. there gotta be some wax blockage. my bestie top btob stan @ddonggeun pretty much refused to watch that stage lmao. the climax part where rap and vocals are meshed together? it was embarazzing. btob can do it bc both rappers and vocalists know how to harmonize and support each other without overshadowing each other... they are good on their own And good when performing as a group. back to that stage.. they turned a song about catholic guilt mixed with doomed romance.. into some ??? dark brotherhood fantasy. i guess style over substance. i dont get it and i hated it. it was Not Good. @ me if you want idc. it doesnt deserve the praise it got

btob rearranges their own songs to make them easier to perform live, what were they thinking.... btob has like 5 way easier titles... for example: if they did 2nd confession... chill song with a+ line distribution and it's still not boring. i'd say 'respect' and go my merry way. even thriller would be a better choice but it still has bits that aren't as easy as they seem

btob titles.. starting with winters tale and ending with show your love... they are all tailor made for them. eunkwang is the one who oversees part distribution. that's why their songs seem easy... they are made for them and them only idc! that's the truth. not every group has 4 v good vocalists plus rappers than can carry a tune and have a clear diction.

yea i get angry anons wherever i talk about how btob songs are hard to cover and almost no one pulls them off... idc. ppl just want to show off their vocals so they don't re-arrange the songs or adjust the key. big mistake huge. one of very few good btob covers is lightsum's only one for me. they changed it up and took it easy. worked out well. if u cant sing like btob... maybe dont cover their songs... btob spent 3 years of extreme nugudom going on radio/tv shows and covering 173849 songs, from super hard korean ballads to jpop classics. i have a whole yt playlist full of uncut btob rehearsal videos and they are just... wearing sweats, playing around And singing their ass off. btob on chill mode is what some idols fail to achieve on stage...

btob kondom stages were crazy bc 1. they pulled them off vocally 100% despite half of them being sick 2. u dont need to read a whole essay to understand ~symbolism and meaning~ 3. you can tell they learnt a lot from years of doing concerts with Live Band And musicals 4. whole staff working with them nailed their job, from choreographers, dancers, set designers to stylists

yea i have superiority complex what you gonna do about it! yejiapsa btob

#ask #mellobs

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ellsee--raines · 3 years ago

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alr since this blog is 100% Inactive inactive now im gonna post (attempts at) tutorials of how i did my edits. pass down the torch to all of you people who i guess don’t have the xkit timestamp extension. you can use pretty much any program that supports layers and brushes w/o antialiasing; i use medibang paint. if you’re real dedicated you could probably manage to use a program without layers, but the aliasing is an absolute must. it just looks cheap and shitty with antialiasing instead of the authentic pixellated crunch of homestuck’s style.

part 1 of ?: PANEL EDITS TUTORIAL

so the first thing you wanna do is grab the panel you want to use. i generally use vast error panels because finding workable homestuck panels takes longer. in my example ill be using this panel from right before i just outright stopped trying to stay caught up w vast error

to make an edit of my fantroll marina halcyn! now. look at all that god damn static. that would be really really inconvenient to erase out OR you could take the easy route and just open up another layer and use the fill tool to completely duplicate the parts you want from the original image and then delete the first layer. that might be a lil obvious to some of you but it took me a while to catch on to so in the tutorial it goes. medibang paint has a transparent fill tool that’s very useful if the character’s design is more complicated than the background, though- e.g if it’s solid black or if the character’s immediate surroundings are all pretty solid colored so you can just regular erase the rest of it, or if you just don’t want to fucking fill 100 little pixels individually.

if all you want to do is make transparents, then stop here! if not, proceed onwards. with your beautiful new transparent image, the next thing i do is remove all identifying details. just blandify the SHIT out of them. erase loose clothing, get rid of any details i don’t want to keep, smooth down the hair, etc. this is why i work with transparents, also. makes it a lot easier.

next step is to open up a second layer to draw over what you’ve got. you need the second layer because you want to be able to check your edits over the original to make sure it looks okay. i cannot give you the ability to draw clothes or hair. just reference the style you’re trying to replicate and it should be fine; stick to a relatively limited palette; the fill tool is your best friend.

so, by this point, the edit looks like this:

very much half-baked, but definitely coming together, yeah? open up another layer if you’re using something with layers. you can finish an edit in three main steps- the third is for details and anything that goes over the initial redraw layer (bangs, jewelry, horns, just for some examples), in a separate layer to make it easier to erase if it looks wonky. think of this as the refining stage, too, because i usually make small adjustments to the previous two layers here as well. there is literally not that much to it but it’s pretty important because with those extra touchups that screenshot becomes this

and that’s it. you’re done. three steps and you have a beaaautiful edit of your fantroll / kin timeline / self ship / idea you thought would be cool. like anything it does take practice for them to turn out good but panel edits dont exactly demand a fathomless amount of time and slash or effort.

#brackets #[i guess i kinda missed doing edits lol this was fun]#[i mean its not like ive been totally editless. i made a sprite edit of a video game character that got over 1000 notes]#[back when i was maintaining this blog i was like sure doing it cause i liked doing it but i valued clout too much]#[made it easy to get discouraged when edits i spent time and love on topped like 10 notes]#[now im older and wiser and i do shit just because i like looking at it. marina my beloved]#[but yeah its easy as shit to do edits.]#[OH i almost forgot that part of the reason i got super fucking discouraged was finding out that someone stole my edits and used them as a #base for their own thing man that was kind of a dick move. like didnt even say oh i found the original edit on ellsee--raines dot tumblr dot #com no just tee hee hee look :) lemon demon shirt :) and i was standing there (this was in the vast error discord) like :moai: do i say smth #i didnt. i prolly shouldve? man whatever it's in the past it just kind of stung]#[another another reason is that ive kind of given up on vast error cause i guess i just didnt see the point in continuing #when i knew i was gonna have to see a character that triggers the hell out of me if i did??? like seeing the wiccans was NOT worth it]#[i miss albion tho :/ pretty girl.... transgender swag..... :(........]#long post #[forgot . to put that]

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sanchoyo · 3 years ago

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danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #dp thoughts

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catcze · 3 years ago

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YAY my fav koko main is back! how are you doing today?

genshin is literally testing my patience rn because of yae. like… i just want her so i could stare at her with heart eyes all day; she’s so pretty bdjcndjk. but since ayato and jade cutter are coming, i gotta skip her </3. why do am i attracted to pretty 2d men and swords /lh.

earlier i was thinking of kokomi and went, “she’s so pretty.” imo she has the best design in the game; i mean, look at her?,$:!&,&;& (and maybe also because her vas are pretty too send help bsjcjdj.) i was thinking of pulling her too but i’ll just wait until her third rerun </3.

speaking of which, can you give me tips on how to use + build her? when i used her as a trial character in the potion event, i was struggling lmao. —vera

Vera darling omg im sooo sorry this is late–– I literally fell asleep just a bit before u sent this and i was busy most of the day aaAA <//3

But !! I'm super duper glad to see you tho :DD And good luck on ur ayato and jade summons!! I hope you manage to get them asapppp

As for the Kokomi tips, sure!! I'd love to give you a couple <3 This is a little long, and I'm doing these off the top of my head so it might be a bit disorganized, but I hope it helps! (this is long I’m sO sorry)

Okok, so there are mainly 2 ways to play Kokomi: Either you play her supportively for her skill, which is her jellyfish, or you play her as a DPS. Personally, I go DPS Kokomi, but that's because mine is high invested and crowned atp ajksdnsa

Building her is, like, super easy lmao. an hp/hp/healing bonus set is one of the basic and most universal Kokomi sets, no matter what playstyle you're going for, and you don't need to worry about substats much at all. Going for ER or flat hp in the subs is pretty good, but you don't need to stress over it too much.

Viable Kokomi sets are maiden beloved, ocean hued clam, tenacity of the millelith, (and for DPS purposes) heart of depth.

Since it’s not uncommon to have Kokomi as the lone hydro character, she needs a lot of ER, depending on your weapon + how often she stays on the field. A good baseline would be 180 ER to get your burst on cooldown, and just adjust n test to see what suits you.

If you play her fully as a support, you're either going to be using her jellyfish as a hydro applicator in freeze/electrocharge teams, and you'll be using her burst only to refresh the duration of her jellyfish. She isn't as useful in vaporize teams though, since her hydro application can't keep up with characters like Xiangling and Hu Tao, so she's not as popular in those.This is the one where you build her hp/hp/healing bonus. As a support, tenacity is one of her really good sets, since she can use both the additional hp, and her jellyfish is able to proc the 4pcs effect, which adds to the team's overall damage. maiden and clam are also good options, though and feel free to mix and match 2pc sets across the three sets if you need. Viable weapons for support Kokomi are Thrilling Tales (good for buffing the entire team's DPS) prototype amber for the heals, or even sacrificial fragments, if you're not used to popping her burst to refresh her jellyfish duration, and you need a cooldown to ensure full uptime on her hydro application.

Playing support Kokomi is super easy lmao–– basically just pop into the field, cast your skill, then before its 12 second duration is up, you switch to her, cast her burst to refresh the duration of the jellyfish, then swap back out. This ensures that your skill will be off cooldown by the time the refreshed jellyfish expires for good, and you'll be able to keep 100% uptime on your heals and hydro application!

Another way to use Kokomi’s skill is in the sukokomon team. It’s a bit complex, but it does surprisingly high damage and even with low investment, so it’s worth checking out.

Now, DPS Kokomi is my personal favorite and what i currently have (sort of.) This is the one where you obvi deal damage with her in her burst, often using Kokomi's normal attacks to proc reactions. One of her best (and honestly most fun and satisfying) team comps is a taser comp, (I fondly call my taser team Electrofish) It’s basically Kokomi with Raiden/Beidou/Fischl/Kazuha/Sucrose to make the most of rapid fire electrocharged reactions, with viridescent shreds from the anemo characters. Here, the viable sets are 4pcs clam (for that spicy phys dmg every few seconds) or 4pcs HoD. Mainstats you want are hp/hydro/ healing bonus, with ER and flat hp/hp% and some attack%. As for weapons, moonglow is definitely her best, though prototype amber and even the hakushin ring are viable.

In an electrocharge team, the rotations might vary depending on who you use, but the general pattern is kokomi E – Electro offield supports (raiden E, fischl E, beidou Q) – anemo chara’s skills/burst for the vv shred – Kokomi’s Q. Now, when you normal attack with Kokomi, it’s not very recommended to use her charged attack, since it takes up time and stamina. It’s generally best to normal attack twice, then dash cancel her animation, then rinse and repeat.

Personally, I run a dps/hybrid Kokomi, since I mainly use her in co-op (and because the clam domain hates me and hasn’t given me a decent hydro dmg artifact smh) and I’ve built her on hp/hp/healing, with Everlasting Moonglow so she heals a really good amount while also doing damage while in her burst + capitalizing on the damage from the clam’s bubble.

ajshdbasj that’s all i can think up rn–– i hope it helped a bit vera!! I’m sorry if it’s a bit of an info overload, love ^^ Good luck on ur pulls!! <3 SMOOCH <33

#🐮 !! Vera #Kisses from Catte 🦩#gaming !! 🐈‍⬛

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samwebsteruniblog · 3 years ago

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Intervention and Interpretation

-Research and Experiments

The first thing we did after receiving the blog was a bunch of experimentations and workshops to get a better understanding of what the process is and how much there is to explore while creating a font. I had a few successful shapes and ideas however picking three to develop was challenging as I wanted to pick three that were totally different.

My design process consisted of sketches and using illustrator.

After picking my three I created some guides and I refined the analog work and the digital work to try and make the character more professional and polished. After this I went and created three letters for each font style, to help find the one that I would turn into a typeface.

After picking my favourite font to create and after having my tutorial I wanted to research a bit more into how to create a font and what makes a font successful. I wanted to do this to get a better understanding and hopefully to learn a bit more to make this project easier as its the first type face I would have made.

After coming up with rules and a grid to work with I decided to sketch as many letters out so I had nice idea of how the typeface would look together and so when I went refine them I had a starting point.

I then went through and tried to create as many letters a I could, I found this very difficult so I couldn't get every letter but I tried to get enough to use for the project.

It was a lot of development and trial and error I went over the letters a lot to try and find my favourite variation of each. My end results are okay there are a few Im not 100% with but I need to focus on the poster and ad for instagram.

I then went through and created some concepts for a possible way to display my font, before doing this I looked at some typography posters to try and find some inspiration and to see how to make it look well done.

Using these I then tried to be experimental and create rough drafts of potential ideas, because I didn't have the full alphabet or other variations of the font I think being experimental we look the best and show off my font well.

Four experiments I will continue to play around before having an idea to develop and create my final poster with.

Some more poster development,

The poster I will be presenting is,

I wanted to show off all the letters without having to copy the few words they can make over and over as a poster I would say it does work however I would have loved to have had the time to create variations of the font and seen how a body copy could have worked and even if i explored colour a little bit to highlight parts of the poster, and for my carousel I used the same style to focus on letters and not words.

My final piece for instagram uses the same pixel ratio as each post would do I also decided to rearrange the letters and make it look different to the poster. The faint red lines indicate where the individual posts are.

The feedback I received was very helpful and it was to either take it to the extreme and be more experimental with the font or to take some things out and make it more consistent. I will be experimenting a bit more looking at other font artists and deciding which route to take it.

After researching the artist

I decided to make some adjustments to my letters I didn't wanna go down the crazier more out there route I decided to try and make the letters feel more like one font to do this I went through a few letters that I felt needed some adjustments and I tweaked them. This was okay to do it took a lot of experimenting and trail and error to get to a place where I liked the letter more than when I started, the only one I couldn't adjust was the S this was very hard to do and every time I made a new form It wasn't as good so i decided to leave this how it was.

I then went over my carousel and poster and added in the new letters.

https://creativepro.com/what-makes-a-good-typeface/#:~:text=A%20well%2Ddesigned%20typeface%20will,%2C%20punctuation%2C%20and%20some%20symbols.&text=Related%20glyphs%20should%20be%20similar,be%20consistent%20in%20its%20inconsistencies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohe_JzKksvA

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seedleaflesssapling · 3 years ago

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Ver 2.0? Turning Point?

I can't really identify to which point in my life that i started to doubt myself but im pretty sure that it was because of UP. Damn, that school, my uni. It do really have the ability to make you feel small; i was in a disadvantaged side when i entered it, you know. I was acquainted, no we did not really talked one-on-one, but i heard when we did introductions - Pisay, UP High, science comprehensive schools, Xavier University, who wouldn't be intimidated by that when you came from Col. Ruperto Abellon National School (who would know where that is? I was lucky enough for a teacher recognized it and my classmates be like 'ahhhhhh,' .....really?! I dont even know where xavier is, it just sounds cool). Another thing is that, i wasn't a stem shs graduate - a leverage(?) or excuse (?) that i always use for them to know that i am at disadvantaged side here, not their competitor, probably a NOBODY. They, being stem graduates, have capstone projects you never thought that they have at that age, but i would hear them saying that it was publish in this journal (whatever, idk the journals lmao, i dont even understand their studies 2nd lmao, but that was some smart shit you know, a shit that makes me feel pathetic for being too proud of my what? Correlational study from inconsistent surveys?!!! Wtf, wtf, wtf). But it was a very good peer pressure you know, i kinda turned it that way. Being left behind, being on the rock bottom, i have no other place to go but up. It wasn't the goal, like making or taking the top spot, i just need to survive.

Inevitably, the exams came. I had hard time adjusting chem but math was kind to me. Who would have thought that i would get two 1.0 at my math subjects for the first semester, the sem that i thought i would barely pass. I was even a CS for that sem. Who would have thought? Our first chemical engineering subject that involves computations was on the list the next semester and the first exam, out of 100 i got something like 20ish. WTF. THAT WAS MY FIRST FAILED EXAM. but no, never did cry but tears were flooding inside. So apparently, i have to focus more on this subject and i did. Some were still failing, but i raised my average up. We also had physics, my first ever physics. I really love physics that time or that sir rommel is just a very good professor. I got the highest score on our second LE, everybody else did fail. Small victories. Not that they lose, but i just won. But i heard one time they were talking about me re: passing the physics exam and even getting a high score. They were uhm.. a guy i really look up to cause his good, the other was a girl that idk but i think she didn't like me back then. They were friends but eventually the girl transferred uni because who cares why. i heard the guy saying something like sin.o gid na si franklin nga taas iya score man, maybe even worse than that, i still look up to the guy even until now. But wtf. I really took it in that time, like i wanted to cry but did not. With all that, i got a fair grade at physics. I still got 1.0 at maths that sem and even maintained being on the CS list. S M I L E. BECAUSE WE HAVE A MIDYEAR CLASS. VERY EXHAUSTING FOR SOMEONE WHO DONT WANT ANYTHING BUT JUST ADJUST, SURVIVE, AND FIND MEANING OF BEING A UP STUDENT. It was just one subject and it was math, but i got 2.0?!!! I have no excuse to that, i am very grateful for the family who accommodated me. After midyear class, i did got sick, it sucks, really sucks. I wanted to file an LOA for the next academic year, it is the only thing i can think of for me to go back on track (i haven't said that my parents pushed me to graduate with latin honor and i wanted to also for my resume to look good because everything else in me is effed up). I really wanted to pause and be free for a while but i also wanted to graduate on time (mostly because i want to give the bitches who dared to have expectations be put on my shoulders not the satisfaction, but the audacity to tell them 'i aint did it for ya') so i asked mama. THANK GOD, SHE DID SAY NA KUNG ANO LANG KAYA MO, AMO LANG DA IH 😭😭🤧🤧 so i enrolled, but went to school late, haven't attended the school opening but all is good. I did kind of reset, just enough for me to face school again.

Second year, it was fucked. I did really love coding on octave and doing sheets at ms excel though. On that year, we have formed the che 103 bagsak group. Together with two of my classmates on 103 and math 55, we became buddies after failing che 103 on the first LE, another 30 over 100 exam hahahahaha. We made bawi just enough for us to pass the subject hahahahahuhu. I have thermodynamics sub, i barely pass. Thank G na wala ko nag removal. If ever i did, i am so sure that i wont make it. My GWA for that sem was not enough for me to be a CS. Who cares? I still did, actually but mama was never been too pushy since then, even since after midyear, after getting that 2.0 grade from the only subject i am good at. Btw, my math 55 for first sem, second year, was 1.25. Not a 1.0 but still, it's good. Second semester that year was when pandemic hit so there's nothing much to tell. I was, sorry but i was really, glad to be away from school for a while, not until for a while became forever. Virtual university set-up was very hard. With too much from taking in whatever i see and hear on my surroundings, even just at home, everything is difficult. It is very hard to find motivation and discipline in studying when i was surrounded with people who do nothing. Even to this point i am writing, everyday is like a battle, but is mostly an internal one. Self vs self, a war no one knows who will win. So the confidence, the tower of knowledge i did build, exponentially went down. I did really well when i was in grade 10, i did my best that time and it can be seen at the achievements i had that year. Being consistently on top 1 the whole year, placing second on division MMC (even getting the highest score on the written elimination round for the whole cluster), doing well sa physics under maam andico, placings on cluster journalism competitions - it was like a record best, best record (?) Whatever. But it wasn't enough you know, i eventually came fourth like wtf. I had read from somewhere Newton saying like the two years when he did write the three laws of motion and the calculus stuff were the two best years of his life, and it kept me thinking that what if mine already passed? That it was when i was in high school?

But, back when i was in school, every time that i was belittling myself or even at random times that i would feel nervous for nothing, my classmates and close friends would say na:

Uno mo man ang Math, uno mo na na (it was a one or two time thing, what if chamba lang to???)

Ikaw man highest sa first le sa thermo (it was really an absolutely one time thing, i barely passed that sub)

Alam ka man sa physics (i was just invested on physics and maybe nachambahan lang na ang ginpractice ko solve kay parallel sa exam ni sir)

Alam ka, d ka lang confident (OKAY???!)

I was ignoring those shit cause who cares if i did really good that time. Yeah, it felt good but it wasn't fulfilling. Satisfied but not happy. But with recent events, i think i would be changing. This post will be a written contract that i will push to be better, to start trusting myself, and build that confidence glow behind me; to believe that i am bright and i can hack it, whatever it may be.

For coherence, i would itemize na lang all of the events that brought me to epiphany lol

It was Friday, 17 Sep, when Dean, in our plant design subject, gave an activity for us - to come up with solutions that would address problems he presented. 1 off grid island community (either you address the water, electricity, and phone reception/signal problem under a 100k budget) and 2 vinegar packaging with a 500 mL volume and should cost less than the cost of vinegar. The due's on Monday, 20 Sep. The challenge is that you should come up with an idea that is not the same with those who already turned in their proposed solutions. I haven't turned in mine until Sunday afternoon. We are 23 in class, hence there should be 23 proposed solutions for each problem. However, only 20 or 21 turned in their solutions and as a student who decided to do it three days after the sheet was given, i was at the second to the last of the entries hahaha. I have limited choice since a lot have been proposed. And ngl, i did entered my idea for the first problem at Sunday evening and for the second problem it was on the afternoon of the next day. Those were basic solutions cause who am I? Am just your basic guy.

Tuesday, 21 Sep (#NeverForget #NeverAgain), class again for plant design (PD). Dean discussed stuffs which im ngl, i did not listen because im bored (not until he said 'we'll have a 5-min break and we'll have a quiz after that' like wtf, how will we do our quiz???!). After the short break, I did study cause i panicked as hell, he presented the prospects of the course, that we will be divided in groups and that the leaders were chosen based on the solutions they turned in the activity previously given. So there's no quiz, i was calm the whole time after that until my name was called. Like wtf??! Your basic guy will be a leader???! Hello!!! So i chat people, asked them if it was a good thing (course it was!!!? So dumb right?!). And then, i asked another leader and she agreed to my argument that we should only be divided into six instead of seven as what dean has decided. So i chatted dean (pic below). I just accepted the role half-heartedly.

As leaders, we should be hiring people for our team and we should make pubs. I dont have a canva account to help me do pubs. I made mine at MS ppt HAHAHAHAHAHA but im good so its cute. We were assigned with projects and i get to have the 4-member team. The vacant roles were project maven and liaison officer for a 3-member team. In my pubs, i included scrummaster as position to be filled, cause who am i to lead?! So yeah, that's it. I did the pubs Wednesday and I submitted my resume Thursday (third to the last hahahaha but my resume's cute hahaha).

Thursday. So i had this invite by a classmate to join the Shell event long time ago. He was reaching out for someone to ask Dean for his approval because Dean did not replied to the email he sent. So, i volunteered. I really want this competition cause this will be my first and maybe last competition as a UP student. So i DMed dean and blah blah blah he asked for selection process. I relayed the message and apologize to them for being me because i was thinking that it was me who made him come up with the decision of having the team be selected. Like, wtf i was just asking for his approval. Getting kicked out of the team was not my intention. Those whom i chatted that night were telling me that it wasn't my fault blah blah blah. So i half-heartedly agreed to them.

Friday came, yesterday, the interview. I am very anxious for someone who will be the one asking the applicants lmao. I already have been interviewed before for college applications and somehow remember the feeling, nerve wracking, whatever. To calm my nerves, i listed questions which i never got to ask properly btw, but at least i have concrete ideas on what to ask. The first interviewee was my very closed friend and so we just laugh and laugh and laugh HAHAHAHAHA. IDK if dean saw it but who cares. And the next and next and next. 3:30 passed by fast and guess what??? YOUR BASIC GUY HAS THE MOST NUMBER OF APPLICANTS TO THE POINT THAT DEAN CUT MY LIST. IT WAS EXHAUSTING BUT VERY FLATTERING. I FEEL SO HONORED. i really thought and very scared at the thought that no one will apply to me but wtf, just wtf. Ranking my applicants was damn hard. 1 i have a dream team but one was cut by dean; 2 this could make my friends mad; 3 this will be the group for the whole year; 4 i am really exhausted. But still, i submitted the list. I was hoping for the people i chose to choose me back. Only two out of three did, i am forever grateful.

Still on Friday, the classmate who invited me to the Shell thing and Dean had a zoom call and discussed about the competition. That classmate told dean what i told him the other day that i might be the reason for the decision of having the selection process done. He told me this through a voice memo, katamad daw magtype. A voice message that i played over and over again. Dean actually find me interesting (?), Invested (?) Idk exactly but the classmate told me na 'may nakikita daw talaga sya sayo. Na grabe ka ka-practical as a person like yung ideas mo daw sa plant design napakasimple lang pero napaka practical to the point daw na madami nag apply sayo kanina. And then, you need more confidence lang daw talaga' so ig, you basic guy is a practical guy now. It's just flattering.

Now, whatever happens, i must meet those expectations right? This could be a lousy motivation but what is if there's none? I dont know why im writing this. I just thought i should get my thoughts out. Ver 2.0? Turning point? Let's just do good 😌

PS I put this on my bio on FB, guess im getting more public, and if you happened to read this because you saw the link on my bio, send me a message about you thoughts.

PPS if your initials are JTZC, these have been my week and i miss you even though you're not interested in me anymore, you are hard to forget

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siserary933043 · 3 years ago

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Caravan of love

God I need a cigarette! I gasped as I collapsed, exhausted, at the top of the small mountain my team had just hiked up in the Lake District.

Youre supposed to be setting us a good example. Khalid laughed as he flopped down next to me quickly followed by his two schoolmates.

Fu…To Hell with that! I laughed, I deserve one after a walk like that.

Still laughing at me puffing and panting the boys whispered something, then Khalid turned to me and asked nervously; Do you really want a smoke?

I was supposed to have given up…but…yes… at this minute I would absolutely love one. I replied.

Jonny, he turned to his friend, give her one.

Id love to; but will a fag do? The good looking teenager giggled.

When the penny dropped that Khalid had made an innuendo the laughter got even louder.

You boys will get me the sack! I chided them as I took the cigarette from the packet. Jonny knelt beside me as he lit it in his best James Bond manner.

Youre leaving anyway, the other boy, Fletcher, corrected me.

He was correct; this was my last day as a teacher in the UK and I was only doing this course as a favour to the Headmaster.

Im Nina and Im a 25yr old supply teacher in the North of England. Because I was sick of not knowing which school Id be at from one week to the next I was catching a train home to Bishop Stortford the next afternoon after Id safely put my three teenage charges on the coach home to Newcastle. Id been at this school 7 times in the last three years and had developed a good reputation among the pupils and staff, but knew that there was no chance that Id ever get a full-time job.

Every year twelve schools from the Newcastle area take part in an outward bound competition in the Lake District spread over four days. The Headmaster at Ponteland Comprehensive, where Id been teaching since January, was desperate for his school to do well for once; but Mr. Winnet who was meant to be in charge of a team of four had hurt his back so I was corralled into spending four days climbing hills, canoeing, orienteering and walking through rivers with three hormonally challenged 15 year olds while getting paid for it!

I already knew the three boys in the team from my time as their stand-in Maths teacher and hadnt had any real problems with them; even though they were all from the notorious Darras Hall Estate. These three were regarded as ‘saveable by the Headmaster and the course was their reward for 100% attendance and working hard.

Im a naturally sporty type of girl; so with my help and leadership we had been ‘neck and neck with Scotswood Grammar School and climbing this hill in the fastest time meant that we were the Champions!

Youd better finish that quick, miss! Jonny shouted, Walker Academy is nearly here.

Khalid and I took a last puff from our cigarettes and made a drama out of stubbing them out and wafting away the tell-tale smell of smoke, although there was a gale nearly blowing us away.

I grinned and shook my head when I read the sticker on the boys caravan door – ‘If the caravans a-rockin; dont come aknockin! Hardly appropriate for a group of schoolboys; I thought.

Whats going on here? I asked as I suspiciously sniffed the air in their caravan when I went to collect them to go to the evening meal and presentation.

Nothing, Miss. They all chimed in unison.

If thats what I think it is, you really will get me sacked. I tried not to grin as I definitely smelt dope in the air.

The boys didnt admit to anything and we made our way across the muddy field to the main building. It was quite a distance as we had been allocated two caravans at the far end of a large field; the other schools had large tents closer to the main building and toilet block.

You look nice miss. Khalid told me as we walked past the other schools tents.

Thank you, I smiled in appreciation, a girl never knows what her luck will be like in a place like this.

I did actually; even though I was wearing a nice short denim skirt and a fitted zip-up hooded top there was absolutely no way I was going to pull on my last night as an English school teacher. The best looking guy was obviously gay and the other teachers and the instructors all looked down their noses at my team as they were from a rough council estate that didnt fit into their ‘elite club.

After dinner and the short ceremony we tried to mingle with some of the other teams but when I had to stop Jonny from hitting a taller boy from Scotswood I thought that a tactical retreat was called for.

Have you got any of that stuff left that I didnt smell earlier? I asked Khalid as I pinned Jonny to the wall as a teacher from Jesmond led a whimpering boy away claiming that Jonny was ‘going to kill him.

He nervously looked at Jonny who was their natural leader; then nodded nervously, Why Miss?

I think that this young man needs to relax and, if memory serves me right, that should do the trick!

Youre cool, Miss, Fletcher told me, with a lop-sided grin, for a teacher!

I asked what he meant by that and the boys all told me why they liked me above all of the other teachers as we wandered back to their caravan.

The boys were being trusted not to wreck the van as they should have been chaperoned by Mr Winnet but he had got the train home earlier in the day.

As Khalid unlocked the door he turned and grinned, Weve got some booze too!

Why am I not surprised? I chuckled as I took a seat in the middle of the bay window.

Khalid brought his large rucksack in from the bedroom as Jonny produced a tin with 5 spliffs in it from his.

I shook my head in mild disbelief as they poured large measures of vodka into tumblers and topped it up with coke from the ceremony.

Where did this come from? I asked as I put the glass to my lips, I know you didnt bring it with you; we checked your bags.

This morning; when you were putting Winnet on the train, he grinned mischievously, I robbed two bottles and some cider out of the shop over the road.

The boys let out a cheer as I shook my head in mock disbelief.

Jonny opened his tin and offered me one of the spliffs.

Id rather have a ciggie if someone has one. I shrugged my shoulders, Ill have one of those later!

As we sipped the vodka and coke the boys bombarded me with questions: ‘Did I have a boyfriend? ‘Why was I leaving? ‘What was my home town like? ‘What was university like? ‘Had I ever taken drugs? ‘Did I have any tattoos or piercings?

It was fun talking to them and I tried to be as honest as possible as they genuinely wanted to know what life was like away from their town. I admitted to smoking dope and occasionally dropping a couple of Es and I had three tattoos; showing them the Angel on my shoulder and the Celtic design on my lower back but letting them guess where the other one was.

When Id finished my large glass of vodka and coke we all lit up the spliffs…WOW…Id forgotten how good that stuff could be and how powerful.

My head was spinning when Fletcher handed me a second large glass of vodka.

My legs were now curled underneath and I began asking about their lives. It wasnt long before they started talking about girls.

As the drink and dope began to take effect we were all in a giggly mood and the boys became braver as they talked about the girls and other female teachers in very personal terms.

I began by admitting to being quite wild at University but not actually telling them exactly what Id done – just letting them guess; which was fun.

The boys quickly became excited when I didnt blush or rein them in so their questions soon became very sexy and personal.

‘Did I play with myself? ‘Did I use sex toys? ‘Had I ever been with another girl? ‘Had I ever seen a porn film? ‘Do you suck cock, Miss?

Without hesitating I replied, Yes or of course, to just about everything.

The boys were all grinning and had twinkles in their eyes as they continued asking me about my sex life and confessed to all sorts of things that theyd been getting up to with the girls at school who Id previously thought relatively innocent! How wrong I was!

Jonny told me that Nadia gave the best blow-jobs because her tongue was pierced but Carly would let them cum on her face.

Apparently at least five girls in 5c, including both Thompson twins, had shaved their pubes off! I couldnt remember if I even had pubes at that age!

Their dirty language and descriptions were now making me very, very horny and I was beginning to think I should leave them as I really needed to frig myself.

What do girls think about when they play with themselves? Fletcher asked.

All sorts, I guess. I answered then took a draw on the last spliff that Khalid had passed to me.

Like fantasies? he continued.

Yes, I raised my eyebrows in mock amazement, girls have sexy fantasies just like guys.

All three looked genuinely amazed and it was only then that I remembered how young and immature they really were.

So what are your fantasies Miss? Jonny asked me.

Ooh, I couldnt possibly say. I said as coyly as possible.

I nearly gave the game away when Khalid immediately started talking about him and his elder brother roasting a girl as her 15th birthday present.

By this time I was permanently squirming in my seat and I was sure that Jonny and Khalid were looking up my skirt and could see my red panties. They certainly made no attempt to hide their bulges that where poking through their jogging pants as they moved into the corner of the sofa for a clearer look.

Im going to have to go for a wank now! Jonny snorted as he thrust his hands inside his pants and finally adjusted his hard dick. I uncurled my legs to make myself more comfortable; making sure that they got an unobstructed flash of my soaking knickers and hopefully some of my gash as I knew my pussy would be sucking the gusset in.

Would you like me to do that for you? I smiled.

The poor kid didnt know what to do or say.

Im serious, I beamed, as I took another slurp of vodka, do you want me to wank you off?

The boys nervously looked at each other, unable to comprehend what Id just said.

I manoeuvred until I was kneeling on the sofa and facing the 15 year old schoolboys.

Oh come on guys, I pleaded as I slowly unzipped my top, youve got to know how horny youve made me.

The boys were still silent but now grinning madly.

Ill show you mine if youll show me yours. I giggled as I took my top off then seductively cupped and stroked my tits through my pale blue lacy Wonderbra.

Ive always had nice tits…no thats not quite right…I have fucking lovely tits…everyone says so! They are medium sized (32b), firm and pliable clay and my nipples poke up to the sky. They have passed ‘the pencil test several times!

Jonny shrugged his shoulders and pulled the waistband of his pants down with one hand and waved his prick at me with the other.

Mmmm, that looks nice. I purred as I unhooked my bra and let it fall to the caravan floor. Do you like my tits?

The boys nervously nodded. Jonny and Khalid were still in front of me but Fletcher was sitting slightly behind getting a good view of my arse as well as a side view of my tits.

Get your cocks out and Ill show you my tattoo! I teased as I unbuttoned the side of my skirt.

Khalid quickly whipped his out closely followed by Fletcher. Their cocks looked gorgeous; Khalids was about 6 inches long and quite thick and a lot darker than his olive skin – I couldnt wait to suck it! Jonnys was about the same length but not as fat and Fletchers was short and fat – just like him.

I could feel the sweat running down my back as I stood up and let my skirt fall to the floor. The boys couldnt take their eyes off me as I slowly pulled the front of my knickers down so that they could see my hairy pie and my little red devil tattoo but not quite everything.

I dropped my chin onto my chest, fluttered my eyelashes as innocently as possible and told them, Well, Ive seen yours…would you like to see mine?

Fuck yes! Fletcher gasped as he stroked his cock. Actually they were all slowly masturbating in a well practiced manner. Thats another thing about me…I love watching guys play with themselves…as long as there is some left for me.

It took a tug to prize my knickers out of my sticky pussy but Khalids jaw nearly hit the floor when he saw the long string of juice that was stuck to the gusset!

I slowly looked around the caravan at my three students. They were like putty in my hands as they devoured my naked body with their eyes – they were going to be my sexual play-things for the rest of the night.

Do you still want me to …wank you off? I suggestively licked my lips and met Jonnys gaze, or would you like me suck it?

Ooh, Miss…suck me off…PLEASE MISS! Jonny pleaded.

I rested my knee on the seat and leant forward, jiggling my tits for him when I gently wrapped my fingers around his hot pink shaft. Perhaps it was stage-fright but it wasnt as hard now as when he had first flashed it at me; but I would soon put that right.

Does that feel good? I asked. The boy grinned and nodded. Lets see if the Teachers better at sucking cocks than her pupils?

Ahughaghaghooohhh. He groaned when I covered his swollen plum and kept on pushing until his squishy cock filled my mouth and my chin touched his hairy bollocks.

God his young cock tasted lovely…all hot and sweaty just how I like them. Years of practice came in useful as I began fucking his cock with my mouth as I breathed through my nose. Just as I hoped it instantly began to stiffen and filled my mouth so I had to eventually let most of it glide out so I could suck him comfortably and stroke his shaft and balls.

My head was spinning as I put on a show for his friends; slurping and sucking his dick like a porn actress.

Squeeze my tits! I whispered in between slurps.

Jonny slid his hand around my neck and began caressing my breast; making me gasp when he touched the nipple.

Squeeze them harder! I pleaded, Dig your fingers into my tits!

Oh fuck! he gasped but obeyed, digging his nails into my flesh and shaking my puppies like a kitten with a ball of wool.

When I felt his balls tighten and his breathing became shallower I tightly gripped the base of his shaft and making sure my breath engulfed his knob I looked up into his glazed eyes.

Miss! Im cumming! He warned me, MISS! My balls are aching…Im cumming!

Do you want to cum on the Teachers face? I teased Youd like that wouldnt you? Spunking all over her face!

Yes, yes, yes! He winced and manically nodded his head as I flicked my tongue across his japs-eye.

Go on then, I whispered as I furiously rubbed his shaft and aimed his piss-hole at my face.

I too was now squealing with delight as he tried to pull my nipple out of its roots when the first jet of hot teenage spunk splashed across my face, then another and the third landed in my eye.

Oh God! Oh fucking God…Miss! He gasped as I sucked the last dregs of salty spunk out of his cock.

Delirious with desire I raised myself up onto my feet. As his spunk dripped down my face I asked, Who wants to be next?

Me Miss! Me Miss! Fletcher shouted as he raised his arm in the air for attention, forgetting that he wasnt in class.

I picked my knickers off the floor and wiped the excess cum off my face then lay down next to him with my face in his lap.

His short stubby cock looked lovely as I licked some bitter pre-cum out of his tip.

As I stroked his cock I turned to the other two, I need one of you to lick my cunt.

They both looked shocked that Id used the C word. It hadnt dawned on me that the boys and I had probably used every other word in the dictionary during our sexy chat but at this moment in time it wasnt a vagina or a pussy between my legs it was a CUNT a hot and horny CUNT that needed a good tonguing.

Jonny instantly knelt on the floor and pulled my legs apart; staring at my hot pink gash.

Ive never done this before, Miss. What do I do? He looked at me excitedly.

Just lick it like its an ice cream then, I told him as I pulled the sticky flaps apart to expose my clitoris which was sticking out like a third nipple, then flick your tongue like crazy over that.

Ill try my best miss. He said in a soft voice. Even the boys calling me ‘Miss was becoming such a fucking turn-on!

Oooooohhhhh yeesssss! I moaned when he made his tongue glide up my groove.

He was a fucking natural; his untrained tongue lapped up my love juices and he sucked on my labia as his fingers stroked and caressed the inside of my thighs and the crack of my arse.

After a minute or so I bent over to greedily eat Fletchers fat prick. We moaned and groaned in unison as his cock fit perfectly into my mouth and Jonnys tongue fit perfectly into my sopping cunt.

Yeh….yeh…yeh…yeh! Fletcher kept gasping as he twirled my around his fingers as my mouth created a vacuum around his dick.

Without using words I made him spread his legs so I could get a tight grip on his hairless sack while I bobbed my head and swirled my tongue around the purple knob.

Oohya! I yelped when Jonnys tongue suddenly touched my clit making me jump and I let the cock slip out of my mouth.

YES….YES…YES! I cried out, Finger me! Finger me!

Jonny dutifully poked my twat with a long middle finger giving me a little bit of relief as I returned to my oral administrations on his fat friend.

Fletcher grabbed two handfuls of hair and began bouncing in his seat as he fucked my mouth. I met each thrust with a bob of my head as Jonny did wonderful things to my cunt and clit with his fingers and tongue.

My whole body seemed to convulse as I gave and received oral at both ends.

Aaaaaggghhh! Fletcher gasped as he neared orgasm.

More fingers! I shouted to Jonny as my own fingers furiously wanked the fat cock until it showered my face with thick lumpy spunk.

He inserted a second then a third finger and viciously licked my throbbing clit until I panted for air then WOW!!!! A mind blowing orgasm flooded my body. I didnt scream or cry out like I usually do…I just grinned myself silly as the sweetest feeling in the world engulfed my whole being as Fletcher covered my lips with solid globules of sticky cum.

My orgasm left me shattered so I flopped back against the cushions and gently stroked my tingling cunt for their amusement.

Khalid was now standing naked in the middle of the floor stroking a stiffy that looked like it was going to burst.

Come here baby, I whispered and patted the cushion nearest my head, and Teacher will take care of that ache for you!

He didnt need telling twice and was soon waving his dark uncut cock in front of my face. I couldnt wait either and immediately filled my mouth with my third rock hard teenage cock.

My tits…my tits! I moaned, Do what Jonny did and squeeze Teachers titties for her…nice and hard…hurt me!

His hairy olive fingers were soon mauling my mounds as I sucked his dark pipe for him.

Oh yes…thats good! I grunted with a mouth full of cock as he stretched my pink rosebud nipples as far as they would go, making me suck the life out of his young dong.

As the third boy to get his cock sucked I knew that he wouldnt last as long as the others and I was right. Khalid soon grabbed my head and forced his long thin dick past my tonsils and came straight into the back of my throat and down my neck.

I was now insatiable and judging by the three hard cocks that were in front of me so were they!

Now… fuck me! I called to Jonny as I lay flat on my back and spread my legs for my young lover, curling one ankle over the back cushion so that my hairy cunt was on show to the whole world.

With a huge grin on his face he knelt between my splayed legs and eagerly guided his six inches of throbbing cock into my willing hole.

Ooohhh yes baby! I panted as his cock filled me up, does that feel good fucking your teacher?

Yes Miss it does, he chuckled as he began thrusting his hips and forcing his cock into my belly, Its fucking…fucking amazing!

My head was shaking from side to side and I was playing with my over sensitive tits as Jonny proved to me that he hadnt been lying about fucking lots of girls at his tender age…he was quite a swordsman.

Fuck her mouth, Jonny told the others, one of you fuck her mouth…lets roast her!

The smile on my face would have lit up London when Khalid suddenly appeared next to my face and forced his cock past my lips for a second time.

I was in raptures as Jonny forced my legs back until my knees touched my tits making his long thick cock tickle the inside of my belly and the darker boy grasped two large handfuls of my mousey brown hair as he wildly fucked my mouth and throat. All I had to do was lie back and enjoy it as they now treat me as their sexual plaything for nearly fifteen minutes.

Jonny hadnt cum and sweat was pouring from his face when Fletcher begged him ‘for a go!

Okay, he panted, but Im not finished with her.He had hardly pulled his cock out when Fletcher lunged forward.

Wait! I gasped as I pushed Khalid away from my face, let me get on top…I want to cum again.

I positioned Fletcher so he was sitting on the sofa and I straddled him. His thick cock felt wonderful as it stretched my aching cunt. I quickly accustomed myself to his girth and rocked backwards and forward rubbing my clit against his pubic bone as I squashed my tits against his face.

The other two wandered off and opened the bottle of cider as I fucked their fat friend within an inch of his life!

No matter what I did to him; I couldnt cum. I bounced on his cock, I ground down hard, I twisted and rotated, I fucked him fast and I fucked him slow – nothing! I kept getting close but nothing.

I was becoming desperate when I spotted Jonny and Khalid whispering conspiratorially; then giggling like the teenagers that they were.

Jonny stood on the sofa and edged towards me waving his flaccid cock in front of my face. I didnt need asking twice and hungrily gobbled his young meat as I bounced on the fat cock in my cunt.

Id been with two guys at University once and had dreamt of doing it again; never dreaming that it would be with school kids; but tonight it seemed so much sexier and dirtier than in my fantasies; especially because they called it ‘spit-roasting.

If fucking and sucking two cocks was exciting Khalid soon moved the action up a gear!

As I ground my pussy down onto Fletchers cock Khalid began shaking my tits with one hand and stroking and nipping my arse with his other.

Go on. Jonny urged him as he held my head while I sucked and licked his rock hard shaft.

Khalid nervously ran a finger between my arse cheeks and hovered a finger tip over my anus as he rolled my nipple between his fingers then tugged on it just the way I liked.

Go on! Jonny was becoming agitated, Shes not stopping you, is she?

Without any warning he jabbed a bony finger past my sphincter and about in inch or more slid inside my arse making me gasp…with pleasure!

Ugh…ugh…good. I gurgled.

I fucking told you she would like it! Jonny admonished his young friend. Khalid soon realised that I was enjoying having his finger up my arse while the other two ‘roasted me he soon began twisting my nipples and finger fucking my arse with two fingers.

Fletcher broke off from suckling my tit to ask; have you ever been water-tight Miss?

What? I asked as Jonny sat on the top of the cushion watching the action.

Airtight you dozy cunt! The good looking boy laughed, Airtight!

I shook my head and raised my eyebrows to let him know I still didnt know what he meant.

There was a look of surprise then delight on his face as he told me; you take three cocks at once…one in each hole.

Id never heard of such a thing but the crazy grin on my face must have told him that I wanted to try it…NOW!

Right…get up bollocks face, Jonny said as he slapped Fletcher on the shoulder, lets change places.

We took a moment or two to decide who was going where and which would be the most comfortable way to perform this lewd sexual act.

As I gulped down a belly full of cool cider, we agreed that I would fuck Jonny, suck Fletcher and because he had the thinnest cock; Khalid would be the first to fuck my arse!

I was shaking with excitement as I fed Jonnys 6 inches into my well fucked cunt. When I was comfortable Khalid lined the tip of his dick against my puckered anus and spit a gobful of saliva between my cheeks as lubrication. I clung onto Jonny as Khalid slowly worked his cock into my virgin arse-hole.

Agh…ugh…ooh! I grunted through gritted teeth as my arse felt as if it was being torn in two.

Oh shit! The boys gasped in unison.

I can feel your fucking dick touching mine! Jonny giggled as only a thin membrane separated to hard cocks inside my body.

After making sure that the boys wouldnt budge I slowly rotated my hips and gently moved my arse so that their cocks moved a little bit as I became acclimatised to the feeling of being full beyond belief.

Okay, I nervously told them, but be gentle with me.

Thankfully Jonnys position meant that he couldnt be as forceful as he would have liked to be and my arsehole was too tight for Khalid to fuck too fast so I was soon nearly hallucinating with sexual elation.

After a couple of minutes I began to relax and the three of us began moving with a bit more freedom making me groan and moan and gasp and giggle with gratification.

Now…now! I gasped and nodded to Fletcher, Im ready…make me airtight!

Fletcher shuffled along the sofa and placed his purple knob on my bottom lip. I nodded my head and his fat cock stretched my mouth and jaw.

I snorted and gagged but I wasnt going to stop now! I could feel my poop-chute stretch and loosen up with every thrust from Khalid and the more relaxed I became the harder Jonny banged his cock into my cunt from down below.

Fireworks were soon going off in my head and clitoris as I began spontaneously orgasming. Little ones, big ones, short ones long ones…one after another untilI was just hanging on to the boys…like a limp rag.

Yes…yes…YES! Khalid wheezed as he rammed his dick into my arse like a fucking piston then suddenly stopped as he filled my shit-hole with his cream. His cock came out of my arse a lot easier than it went in!

Get off me! Jonny demanded as soon as the other boy stepped away. I want to fuck

your arse.

He virtually pushed me away in his haste to bugger me. As soon as he was standing behind me he forced me back onto my knees and spread my cheeks to view his friends handiwork.

Oh man, he exhaled noisily, that looks so fucking sweet…look… your spunks still coming out!

I was now trembling with anticipation as Jonny tentatively nudged his fat cockhead against my tingling anus. Khalid had stretched my poop-chute but Jonnys cock was definitely fatter and it still wasnt that easy for him to get his knob past my sphincter.

Aaaaahhhgggggg! I howled as he finally plunged his dick into my arse. As soon as the knob entered the rest just slid in like greased lightening. AaaaaaAAAGGGGHHHHHH you bastard! I screamed again when he began fucking my arse as hard as he had my cunt, but it didnt stop him.

I was biting my lip and had my face buried into a cushion to stifle the pain as he pummelled my arse with his thick six inches. The pain was becoming unbearable and electrifying so I didnt want him to stop.

Oh Jonny, Jonny, Jonny!I cried with tears of joy running down my face, Harder baby…harder…fuck my arse…fuck the teachers arse!

The teenager was now grunting like a wild animal as he revelled in the discomfort he was causing me.

Thats it…yes…yes…yes! he groaned as he speeded up just before he too filled my anal cavity with lovely teenage spunk.

When he withdrew his cock I could feel my hole gaping open and the overflowing spunk running down my thighs.

Its your turn now. Jonny wheezed and pushed Fletcher with the extra wide cock forward.

My arse was already stinging from the two buggerings Id just had but when Fletch pushed his fat mushroom in I gasped and felt like Id died and gone to Heaven. This boy was in no hurry and fucked my arse very slowly – each stroke nearly turning it inside out.

Oh baby, baby, I whined, that feels so fucking good. Youre making Teachers arse very, very sore and I fucking love it!

As the other two boys sat in front of me taking it in turns to feed their cocks into my mouth I panted, Thats it…faster…faster…fill my arse with your hot spunk…go on do it!

Hearing my husky voice sent him over the top and I felt my arse get warmer as he filled it with hot spunk.

Over the next hour or so the boys fucked me in every combination imaginable.

When I eventually collapsed, exhausted on the floor, my arse had been fucked ragged and my cunt was nearly worn out and my jaw was aching so much I could hardly speak; but I didnt care…this was the fucking of a fucking lifetime.

Id heard about the staying power of young boys but…shit… these boys were out of this fucking world.

I could hardly move the next morning when I woke up in a sleeping bag next to Jonny. I pulled on my top and skirt and hobbled to the shower block like John Wayne after a 200 mile horse ride.

I stood shivering with aches and pains under the hot shower; hardly able to wash myself as I relived the previous evenings events over and over and over again in my head.Pangs of guilt struck me as I got dressed in my tiny caravan but I reminded myself that the boys had promised to keep what we did a secret (hardly likely – I know) and after all in five days I would be on the other side of the world starting a new life in New Zealand.

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coursecube · 4 years ago

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COURSECUBE Reviews | Scam Or Does It Really Works?

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This opportunity Its for the biggest action takers ONLY Because what I’m offering you is a complete White label license to

So you’ll get your own version of the CourseCube E-Learning software, but with your own name, your own branding, AND your own domain.

You’ll be able to create accounts, sell the software to others, giveaway accounts, and even launch your own rebranded version of the software on JvZoo, WarriorPlus or anywhere you want.

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All you’ll need to do is choose the name you want for your new software and they will take care of the rest.

They will even design an all new logo for you, and help you out with setting up your sales pages and videos for your new rebranded software.

Conclusion

That’s all what I want to share with you about CourseCube. I hope that my review can give you a helping hand in deciding what is best for you.

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ladyofpurple · 5 years ago

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here it is: the post Literally no one was waiting for. i'd put it under a read more thing but i'm on mobile and can't be assed to get out of bed so fuck it. we air our dirty laundry on main for the world to see like men.

so waaay back in february or something, i started seeing a psychologist again. i'd been seeing a psychologist for a while last year, but she had a private practice and got too expensive over time, so i had to stop. now, however, i finally got a referral to the public mental health offices in my county. which is nice, because norway has this neat thing that means when you go to the doctor, public health care facilities, refill prescriptions for medications you have to take daily, etc, the money you spend on those things gets recorded and after you've spent like $260, you get a free card that gets logged into your medical records and you don't have to pay for any of those things for the rest of the year.

anyway, i mentioned a couple of years back that i finally got put on antidepressants for the first time. they helped a lot, but then i just... stopped taking them. there wasn't a reason, really. i just forgot to take them one week when i was stuck in bed with a headcold, and then it was hard to get back in the habit again. i tried to get back on them off and on for a long time, but i'd inevitably just forget again. until, like, i wanna say november/early december last year? i started taking them again. there were still some slip-ups every now and then, but for the most part i took them almost every day. any gaps were no longer than two, maybe three days at the most, and those gaps were maybe once a month or so on average. averages aren't really useful in this context, but i hope you get the idea.

anyway, i finally convinced my doctor that, no, seriously, i really need to see a psychologist, i've always needed to see psychologists my whole life, seeing psychologists help me, i can't afford a private psychologist so i need a public one, and after a lot of begging and insisting on my end and a lot of hemming and hawing on her end she finally agreed to refer me. except she forgot to actually send the email she'd been typing in front of me, and then she quit, so there was a lot of confusion and time spent sorting things out until i got my first appointment.

i didn't like my psychologist at first. she was way older than i'm usually comfortable with (that's a personal me-problem that i know is irrational, and i'm not gonna go into the why but yes i'm working on it), and very blunt in an exasperated sort of way. she made me angry sometimes. she made me feel like i wasn't trying hard enough. but she helped me get shit done, so i guess she was doing something right.

in june she called in a psychiatrist to help adjust my medications, so i started taking zoloft in addition to the other medication (remeron, aka mirtazapine) that i was already taking. the mirtazapine was helping with my depression, but my anxiety was still pretty bad. the zoloft helped.

by my second appointment with my psychologist, she asked me whether i could have adhd, or if there was a history of it in my family. now, i have a lot of family with adhd (how closely related we are by blood is a bit of a mystery to me, my family tree is more like an overgrown hedge and who knows who fits where), and my grandma used to joke that the women in our family "all have a little bit of that adhd brain in us", but as far as i knew, nobody in my immediate, direct bloodline had such a diagnosis. i had my suspicions about myself, of course — i knew that not every focus or attention related problem necessarily has a specific attention disorder source, but i also knew that what i was experiencing couldn't be "normal," in the sense that if i walked into a room with 100 people in it, 86 of those people wouldn't necessarily look at a list of my symptoms and go "oh same hat." i've had add on my about me for a while now. maybe that was silly of me; i hadn't been diagnosed with it, and what i knew about the specifics of it were picked up piecemeal off the internet. you know, that super-reliable place where everyone is honest and factual all the time?

anyway, this began the process of investigating the merits of such a potential diagnosis. research was begun. questionnaires were taken. my mom was invited to one of my sessions, in which she revealed that, oh yeah, bee tee dubs, she's always suspected i have adhd. did she mention that she has also apparently always suspected ocd and that i'm autistic? no? whoops, well, she has now.

end of june i was referred to the neuropsychologist devision of the public health care place. over the course of a little over 6 weeks i went in for 2 interviews, in which i answered several questionnaires, talked about my life and childhood and traumas and what my mom had told me about her pregnancy and labor, every possible symptom i'd ever had, and was sent home with even *more* questionnaries. in addition to these, i went in for two rounds of "testing," in which i was tested on my memory, pattern recognition, reaction time, impulse control, and probably a dozen other things. i was nervous. it was exhausting. i wanted answers but was terrified of what those answers would be.

end of august, my mom came with me for the big reveal. and guess what? she was right. primary diagnosis: adhd, special emphasis on the attention deficit part. bonus diagnosis: asperger syndrome. surprise! i'm autistic, i guess.

it was hard to come to terms with. which sounds really silly, since i wouldn't have even been taking those tests if i didn't think the outcome was a possibility. and it's not like the diagnoses were surprising either. the adhd part was easier to accept, mostly because i already felt pretty confident i had it. but the asperger diagnosis was harder. having to unlearn all those ingrained ableist stereotypes and social stigmas is hard, especially when you had some you didn't even realize were there. it's very surreal to think a thought and be like "no, wait, i do that. that joke is about me." it's a very surreal and slightly upsetting experience to realize how biased you are as general rule, but especially about a facet of your own identity you weren't aware of. and the feeling of everything and nothing changing all at once. i've always been like this. a doctor telling me i have two cognitive/developmental disabilities isn't an event that magically gave me these disabilities. my brain has always worked like this. the only difference between me now and me a year ago is that i have an official, medical reason for Why now.

that's another thing: coming to terms with the idea of being "developmentally disabled." it's not like i'm suddenly a different person — i have to constantly remind myself that my brain has always been like this. but having a piece of paper confirming that i am legally entitled to special allowances in the workplace or at school because i have not one, but two "disabilities" is absolutely buckwild to me.

it makes me reevaluate my life and my past. how many situations did i make worse because i did not have the capacity or knowledge about how my own brain works to self-reflect? was i high-functioning in the past because life was simpler? was it because i subconsciously had a better handle on what works for me and what doesn't, and somewhere along the way i lost that? or was it simply because i didn't have the option to be anything other than high-functioning? it's confusing.

i also lost my spot at college. i can still reapply next year if i want, but at least now i know why i was failing out lmao

anyway, by my birthday in september we started the process of adjusting my medication again. upping my zoloft, getting me off remeron, and as of 6 weeks ago or so, beginning ritalin.

it was a rocky start, but i'm up to 60mg now. two pills in the morning, one in the afternoon. i have a goddamn alarm for 8am every day, even weekends. my sleeping is still wonky, but at least im genuinely tired by 8pm every night. the psychiatrist still wants me to try melatonin for a month (even though i told her multiple times it has never worked for me, and my problem has never been "i'm not sleepy enough"), so i'm on a whopping 2mg of melatonin for the next 30 days. norwegians are fucking WEIRD about melatonin, don't even get me started.

a slightly unexpected side-effect (on my end) of these medication changes: remeron made me gain weight. like, a lot of weight. and i was constantly hungry all the time, overeating to ridiculous amounts. why did nobody ever tell me that weight gain and metabolism changes are a side-effect of anti-depressants? i was more active this summer than i'd been in, like, three years and i just got fatter. which was incomvenient because i kept outgrowing my clothes. anyway, a side effect of ritalin is a loss of appetite and general weight loss. the combination of regularly taking ritalin and dropping remeron entirely? i eat a fraction of what i used to before, i've almost entirely stopped snacking, and i've lost 15 lbs in less than a month. i've already noticed my face is slightly slimmer now. maybe by christmas i'll be able to fit into my old tshirts again.

anyway, my psychologist quit, so i have a new one now. i've only seen her a few times, but she's veeeery different from my old one. i can't decide if i like her or not.

in the middle of all this, i've been going to the social security office as well to kind of get some of my own money, possibly help me get a job at some point in the future. my caseworker is super nice. if she's over 30 i'd be shocked. i relate to her really well, she's very helpful and understanding, and she's very patient with me and my bullshit. she's the kind of person where if we met at a party or something we could probably hang out.

anyway, she's helped me get out of the house sometimes. she introduced me to this youth club volunteer group thing called the fountain house, designed for young people who've dealt with or are currently dealing with mental illnesses and such. i hung out there yesterday and the day before and did some basic office work. it's nice. and then there's a work placement place that can either give you a job on site in one of their four departments, or help you get a job at an actual business elsewhere with more support and leniency than you might get if they just hired you off the street. i'd start in their second hand store. they clean and restore all donations they recieve, and they're super fucking cheap. i treated myself to my literal lifelong dream of owning a vintage typewriter (!!!!!) yesterday, because it's almost christmas and goddammit, i've been doing so much shit the past couple of months i deserve it. do i have space for it? not really. do i have a plan on what to use it for? no. was it heavy and miserable trekking through the snow and rain yesterday back and forth? was it worth the backache in the morning? fuck yeah it was.

a fucking lot of things are happening all at once. diagnoses, medications, lifestyle changes, work placement, social clubs, dealing with bureaucracies on all sides just so i can feel like a person again, not to mention juggling hobbies like writing and drawing and maintaining my irl friendships. i'm getting as many balls rolling as i can while i have the opportunity and mental/emotional capacity to, but i'm worried i'll burn out again. i'm stabilizing and slowly building my life back up, but jesus christ it would suck if this stupid house of cards collapsed again. but i'm tentatively optimistic. who knows, maybe it's not to late to course-correct my mistakes.

so long story short, that's why i've barely been active on tumblr for months. that's why i haven't been writing, drawing, or reading fic. it's coming along, but it's slow.

i guess the most important thing is that it's coming along at all.

#the tmi nobody asked for and will probably never read — you're welcome #Lady of Purple's slice of life #mental illness #medication #adhd #autism #personal

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